#but yeah. all those ppl can die mad

[imwritesometimes]

I blog for the girls who were teased mercilessly the entire time they were growing up for the things they were into but learned to embrace them fiercely later in their life cause fuck everybody

[dookiecurly]

this is gonna be specific just hear me out okay this came to me in a vision +good for writing motivation or practice or whatever

imagine reader is some famous celebrity singer actor whatever and they go on the ship for whatever reason..maybe they really like space or something idk

how would they all act towards them?? would the way theyre treated get changed from their popularity?? ��😳😳…?i cant imagine jimmy or curly acting too different towards them but daisuke maybe?? hes a fan idk im just thinking…

I'd imagine reader got on the ship because they wanted to experience space.... And because they paid lots for it.

Both before and after crash hc >∆<

Reader death not specified

Yes there's Jimmy, he's the tw

Curly

Before-Crash:

- Confused why Pony Express gave this.. celebrity.. permission to get on a cargo spaceship.

- Tries to be nice. He doesn't act like those ppl that are super excited to meet a popular person. To him, you're just another human.

- But of course, if you make a mistake on the ship he'll go a little easy on you. He assumes you probably didn't get much.. training.

- You're his responsibility as well now! But he also is probably too busy to give you a tour of the ship, he'll ask one of the others. ( Definitely not Jimmy or Swansea. )

- If he's interested in you..... I guess, small flirts when he's off the clock. He takes responsibility!

- Compliments your work if he's a fan.

After-Crash:

- Curly feels embarrassed, and even more embarrassed if he's interested in you.

- At some point, thinks you'll come back to earth and tell everyone what happened and how bad he is at being a captain. Plus, destroying Pony Express's name that MIGHT land a lawsuit.

- During all the........ Deaths, he felt bad that a person that shouldn't even be connected to all this is paying the untold price of going on the ship with them

- Probably wanted to kill himself when he was brought to the table and saw all those corpses!!

Swansea

Before-Crash:

- Doesn't give a shit

- Probably treats you JUST like Daisuke but is a little less aggressive..

- Actually, I think he thinks you're a liability and dislikes you because you're just a rich piece of shit that thinks they can do wtv they want

- Might MIGHT complain and say that you're a liability when something bad happens

- If he's interested in you, you probably remind him of his wife by appearance LMFAO, I'm just kidding I'm not funny.

- If he's interested in you, he'll treat you a little nicer.

- I don't think he'll be a fan..... Unless you're like, Shelly Duval or Frank Sinatra or something. (RIP SHELLY DUVAL AND FRANK SINTRA I LOVE YALL)

- Won't say he's a fan though.

After-Crash:

- I have a gut feeling that he'll act like those drunk adults that go like, “Isn't this how you teenagers do it? WOO!" But like in a "Aint this how you people do it in Hollywood?”

- Says you should get less food because you dont do work around the ship. Won't say this if... He's interested, or only if he's drunk and mad or mad.

- If you die before him, he'll feel a little guilty like he does with Daisuke. I don't know if it's a lot of guilt, but enough guilt.

Daisuke

Before-Crash:

- FUCKING ECSTATIC.

- Wants a picture, and a signature. Treats you special because you're a celebrity.

- Uses his free time to be your friend. If he's interested in you, hes gonna try to impress you with his intern task (Swansea fucking hates it).

- Brings you to fuck around in the ship because I'll assume that you're about the same age, or you at least have the same age mentality.

- If he's a fan, he's way worse/better. Your decision.

After-Crash:

- Once again, if hes interested in you, he tries to be your big prince charming. When they start rationing the food, he gives you more

- I don't know if he'll prioritise you because you're a celebrity, but he tries.

- Tries to cheer you up when things get bad

- If you die before him, he kinda just............ Guilt. Yeah, thats all. Kinda feels like he didn't help enough.

Jimmy

Before-Crash:

- Thinks you're a liability 2.0

- Doesn't respect you

- Thinks you're a bitch because your life is better than his on Earth

- Probably.... JUST PROBABLY, daydreams about doing things to you so he can 'humble' you. Likes the thought of such a loved and respected person gets humiliated.

- If he's interested in you.... He'll have worse thoughts.

- Probably complains about you, in front of you.

- Not a fan, doesn't like the internet.

After-Crash:

- Now thinks youre... Still the biggest liability of the ship. In fact, you're the worst of the worst.

- Says you should get less food because you don't do any work 2.0

- If you die before him... Awesome! Doesn't care. Won't spare you even if hes interested, but cares.

- Gets married to your corpse, AGAIN I'M KIDDING. Doesn't strike me as a person who'd get married unless it benefits him, actually nevermind, go read Jambalaya Enthusiast's fic about Reader in the film industry in Jambalaya Enthusiast's Masterlist.

Anya

Before-Crash:

- Might be curious?

- She'll be nice >u<

- Yeah, she's probably the one giving you a tour!

- Anya will be a little concerned that a person like you is on the ship. In a way that she's concerned that a person who doesn't have any training is on the ship.

- She'll be glad to help you with anything, like motion sickness.

- If she's interested, she'll try to do little gestures for you. I think her love language is acts of something something, I forgot.

After-Crash:

- Anya doesn't really want you to come into the medbay and look at Curly.

- She gets super nauseous, so she doesn't want you to get super nauseous in an unfamiliar and stressing environment.

- Perhaps will give you a little of her food with you. I feel like Jimmy has engraved into her brain that she's not a good enough nurse, so she thinks she doesn't deserve the food she eats ( because Swansea and Jimmy say you don't deserve the food. )

- Comfort her, she's dying in her thoughts and wants to go to the medicine supply.......

- If you die before her, she will actually start spiralling.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

man i saw this and i was gonna write a whole post abt how maybe the problem for these ppl isn’t that ed wasn’t punished enough (even tho that’s what they say) maybe it’s that it’s a poorly-executed redemption arc but they don’t know how to verbalize that.

and that would actually make sense bc ed doesn’t have a redemption arc in s2. bc the show does not think ed needs redeeming. even at his worst and most harmful to the people around him the show is deeply sympathetic towards him and gives us sooooo much screentime dedicated to showing us that everything ed does he only does bc he’s hurting. which doesn’t excuse any of what he does but it does shift the narrative framing away from an actual redemption arc, where a character needs to like, learn why the things they did were bad and try to make amends. but ed never needed to learn anything, he knew his actions were unacceptable and that’s why he did them. he was trying to be the most horrific monster he could be in hopes that someone would get sick of him and kill him.

so then i went looking for an old post i wrote abt redemption arcs to talk abt why ed’s s2 arc probably reads like a poorly-written redemption arc for ppl who are expecting an actual redemption arc and. i change my mind actually. because “is this character willing to accept that their behavior is harmful, to make amends for their past behavior if at all possible, and to try and become a better person?” yeah we see ed do all of that tho.

Accept Their Behavior Is Harmful: i mean aside from the fact that ed knew this the whole time, we also see ed talking to fang about how guilty he feels for how he treated the crew. but like this isn’t zuko slowly unlearning an entire lifetime of fire nation propaganda, ed doesn’t need a season(s)-long arc abt this. He Already Knows

Make Amends For Their Past Behavior: like literally the whole thing with getting pushed off the ship!! wearing a sack and a collar at the crew’s behest!! he’s very much trying to make amends!!!!!

Try To Become A Better Person: there’s a lot i could talk abt here but just on a surface level, he’s trying to quit his job where he attacks and steals from random innocent ppl for a living. like objectively that job does not make you a good person. and also that job makes him miserable and when his mental health is in the shitter sometimes he hurts other ppl in his efforts to hurt himself so like!!! he is very much trying to not be the kind of person who forces crew members to fight to the death anymore!!!!

so yeah, thinking this was abt a “poorly-written redemption arc” was giving these ppl too much benefit of the doubt lol they just want to see ed grovel and suffer for an entire season, which was never going to happen lmao. the show thought izzy had more to apologize for than ed and that’s why ed’s apology was one sentence and izzy’s apology was a whole speech on his deathbed. the show thought izzy needed more punishment for his actions than ed did and that’s we see izzy get put through the physical ringer in the beginning of s2 and ed getting beat to death by the crew happens off-screen. ppl can argue all they want abt how ed did so much worse than izzy but at the end of the day the show disagrees with those takes and that’s why it treats these characters the way it does. die mad about it.

[lokisis]

@bleedingbonemarrow

Aha I hate not being able to edit asks (killing killing)

ANYWAY.

I imagine he's hard to get through to. I see a lot of myself in his personality, especially back in highschool, so I can pretty accurately describe what's up in his mind.

He hates himself. Thoroughly. Cannot stand himself. Every time he looks in the mirror, he can't recognize his own face. He's too much, he's not enough, he's nothing, he'll never be Right. Any compliment slides off of him like water. He doesn't believe you. He disassociates often. His reality is warped, in his mind, to always be against him.

So naturally, he smiles it away. He pretends he's better than everyone else. Because he's terrified of telling anyone he's... not. Telling anyone that he's trapped in his own "skin" and he hates it.

Yknow that Springtrap frame where he's tearing apart his own head? Yeah Spamton would try it, at least once.

He's a failure in a city that only cares about success. About how much you're worth. He definitely has trauma from his Addison days, as well as when he was bullied in the mansion. His friends and possibly family left him. He's uh. Really lonely.

He thinks kindness is a weakness to exploit. To manipulate. Because that's what happened to him. He isn't mean per se, but he doesn't go out of his way to be nice either. Not to mention the one person he put his trust into kinda fuckin disappeared. He isn't exactly jumping at an opportunity to "make friends"

He's clinging to his old fame like a fucking lifeline. Because acknowledging himself Now would break him. A puppet tied up in strings. He's not even in control of his own life. He values choices so much, he can't help giving them out like candy. "Choose this thing, it's your choice I won't force you, but choose it."

All that being said, he's also just. Happy to have fun, I think. I read a fic where he constantly tries to jumpscare Reader when they visit. I love that. The idea of him playing pranks on.. well, his would be friends, is really cute to me. I doubt he would do something as extreme as dunking them in acid or anything, but tripping them or scaring them feels like something he would do.

An important thing ppl tend to miss is that he wants people to Suffer, but not to Die. He gets mad in snow grave because you ruined the fun. You killed everyone And you're stealing the fountain? What's he supposed to do afterwards?!? He wants to rule the city, not destroy it.

I feel like, after peeling away his walls, he's generally a silly guy. And seriously loyal. I mean, he's Still protecting Mike's name, even after supposedly Years of not seeing him. He's ride or die for anyone he cares about. And those people get to see him be a bit goofier.

There's like. 7 million more things I want to say but I am. Tired of typing on my phone 👍

[maddie-the-theater-kid]

“You can’t skip chapters, that’s not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won’t enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don’t want to read, you will have moments when you don’t want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don’t miss out.”

- Pillow Thoughts 2 by Courtney Peppernell (found the quote on pinterest)

🎃TRICK OR TREAT ON THIS ACC🎃

Hi here’s my intro post>>>

Here's what you'll find here that will hopefully pique your interest☟

~Art

~Stories (fandoms or stories im writing myself)

~memes

~vents/updates (they are really fuckin random but stay with me on this)

~reblogs

Here's some things abt me☟

Name: Madeleine

Nicknames: mads, maddie, marie, mad, maggie, em, etc. (now some might be names of my hearttypes)

Age: minor‼️

Pronouns: she/her, or any fem pronouns

Sexuality: Bisexual

mbti test results: ENFJ-T (main character vibes😝✌️)

aura color: blue💙💙💙

Now some random facts abt me☟

💛i listen to music more than i should…(specifically my musical playlist with way to much heathers😆)

💛baby witch (i havent done any spells before but i do tarot a lot)

💛i love all of my friends <333 Im so lucky to have them and i would literally die for them❤️❤️❤️❤️and my mutuals idk how the hell i got those but i’m very grateful

💛i’m otherhearted!!! i have multiple hearttypes and my main ones right now are prob German Shepherd and Raccoon :3

💛cabin 3/6!!! (poseidon or athena)

🩷 “this is modern feminism talking” “i expect to rule the world in shoes i cannot walk in”🩷

💛"Everyone's pushing, everyone's fighting. Storms are approaching, there's nowhere to hide. If i say the wrong thing, or i wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side. On the tiniest lifeboat."💛

💞V, K, H, C, E, A, B, J, E, E, A, S, L💞

🇵🇸river to sea, palestine will be free🇵🇸

💛Fandoms☟

Owl house, Craig of the Creek, Superstore, Gravity Falls, Amphibia, Big Bang Theory, She-Ra, Adventure Time, Harbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, PJO, etc. (ik ik i’m a nerd)

💛I do theatre and student council

💛DNI: DMs (im not allowed to talk to strangers online but if ik u irl then u can dm, or if you want to ask a simple question), Transphobes, homophobes, racist ppl, Z00s, N@Z!/neo-N@Z!, s3xists, p0rn bots (im a fucking minor), p3d0s, nsfw.

💛Links☟

𖤐Pinterest

𖤐Spotify

𖤐Tumblr Community

𖤐My post about my series i’m working on

𖤐The first chapter of The Killer Circus!

𖤐My userboxes are here: (im still working on it so i dont have a link 😔😔😔 srry)

Just remember that you are amazing <3 Like literally the best and i know that hearing that from a total stranger may sound crazy and creepy, but i genuinely care about my friends and mutuals. Have fun here, so yeah byeeee :]

[stellarspecter]

20 questions for writers

i was tagged by @devondespresso and @spicysix! thanks guys!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

68! oh shit my next fic is my 69th i gotta finish that smut fic STAT

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

191,966. crazy

3. What fandoms do you write for?

most recently, stranger things, but i've also written a lot for julie and the phantoms and be more chill. and then various other oneshots for random stuff

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Befriend the Bully - Nerdy Prudes Must Die, 868 kudos (and 3rd most kudos'ed fic in the hatchetfield fandom???)

Saint Frost - Rise of the Guardians, 593 kudos

Me Too - Percy Jackson & the Olympians, 392 kudos

Hopefully - Be More Chill, 286 kudos

All This Feeling Second Best, It's Got Me by the Throat - Julie and the Phantoms, 249 kudos

most of those are pretty old so it makes sense that they've had the time to accumulate kudos, but that means they were also written when i was in high school so it's kind of like 😬

5. Do you respond to comments?

i used to more, now i don't really unless they said something that i specifically want to comment on. i just kind of forget or don't have anything to say lmao

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my troped round 1 fic, you look like you've just seen a monster (is that what i look like to you?). usually i like to have a happy ending but i wrote this in like two days the week of my first breakup. so uh yeah couldn't really think of happy ending for that one.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pretty much anything else lmao. i love to write fluff and cuddles and shit like that so just go read any other of my fics

8. Do you get hate on fics?

the only hate on fics i can remember ever getting was back in my bmc days when i wrote meremine and someone was mad bc michael is gay and didn't like that i put him in a throuple with a woman. but like other than that clown behavior no not really lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have one (1) smut fic published and it is on a different account because i was so scared of jatp fandom being mean lmao. luckily i only got nice comments on it so i will share that you can go read it here. i mean it was probably kind of obvious that it was me because there are only so many ppl into that rarepair? but idk jatp mutuals lmk who you thought it was lsdfksjf

i have been trying to write steddie smut recently, i have a wip that i'm working on that i will hopefully finish soon. if anyone would like to beta that lmk lol 👀 it is pretty kinky i will say lol but like. that's steddie for ya

10. Do you write crossovers?

not really. i'm more likely to just make an au of something for whichever fandom i'm currently obsessed with

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so? ppl would be welcome to do so tho

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no. co-brainstormed and went crazy in the dms about it tho? oh yeah

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

evidence shows it to be steddie, at least for now. i'm a big multishipper so a better question would more be "what do i find myself most often in the mood for?" and the answer would still be steddie sldkfjs

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

vampire chrissy fic i want to do right by you i fear i may not.... i signed it up for the wip big bang tho so hopefully i do actually get it done

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue! i love writing dialogue. screenwriting is awesome because it's just dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hrmm action scenes. repetitive prose. actually sitting down and plotting something cohesively

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

nothing against it but i'm only fluent in english so i'd consult someone else who actually speaks that language

19. First fandom you wrote for?

doctor who in middle school :) i wrote my fics in my little writing notebook and some of them are even on ao3 lol

20. Favorite fic you've written?

like i said earlier with the favorite ship question, this is tough to answer because i feel like it comes down to more what am i in the mood for most often. i'm pretty proud of my trans steve fic as well as aro bi reggie, both of them because i spent a long time trying to make sure i doing the representation right and i think i did a good job. also that sad bobby polycurve fic from the kudos question, i put a lot of myself in it and i feel very proud of how it came out.

no-pressure tagging: @wr0temyway0ut @zazujoy @sunsetcurvecuddles @chickwiththepurpleguitar @weneedglitter

@queenofthequillandink @jughead-is-canonically-aroace @innytoes @floating-in-the-blue @invisibleraven

and anyone else who wants to do it!

[dorianwolfforest]

I feel like your blog would be the best to ask this, haas anyone here watched eleanor nightwalker's new video about Alex and Maya as queer rep? My adhd brain is curious but would not let me waste my time on it

you just made me click on an eleanor nightwalker video on my own accord and download it onto my computer (she gets no seconds of watchtime from me, fuck that) how dare you

Basically "ue ue ue all the relationship development happened outside of the game" which, fair, but it's hard to retcon things when they've already happened in your main story line.

"The events in Elli's comics don't feel official because they don't add anything to the game" die mad wtf are you on about, we got so much lore regarding the game and the characters in it from those comics

"You meet them as two separate characters and then all of a sudden they're cuddling in a field" yes, people in relationships are also their own separate entities, good job!

"We need something to explain why they're a thing, not just that they are" yet you do not push this narrative on any straight couple in the game. queer people do not owe you a grand romantic story to be "permitted" to exist, sometimes their relationship can just be one small part of their story and their existence does not need to be justified.

"Alex had a crush on justin in the clouds over silverglade comics!!! She also thinks about him a lot when we need to rescue him and is the one who suggests breaking him out of jail." WHAT. OUTRAGEOUS. BISEXUALITY? IN MY VIDEO GAME? (Doesn't even need to be bisexuality a lot of queer people mistake their close friendships as romantic feelings because they haven't clocked what they're attracted to yet) Also, like, yeah, if i was breaking someone out of prison i'd... think about them too? "She needs to stop defending him to make Alex and Maya's relationship seem more genuine" She's being a good friend? A good Samaritan? A person who sees someone get kidnapped and says "yeah i don't think that's right, stop it"??????

"Lisa would be the best queer rep because she doesn't have a romantic past and it fits her character" Lisa is word-of-god-confirmed to be bisexual. Get dunked on. Also, die mad.

"Maya's model is smaller than Alex so it looks weird" ok? fuck short ppl ig.

In short yeah, i'm sure we all want to see more of alex and maya, but that doesn't make their representation forced or bad. To finish off, die mad.

[jiminjeonging]

okay your blog is my comfort place so let me just get this out of my system along with everyone else so I never have to think about it ever again.

Karina is not a naive girl, which for some reason, everyone paints her out to be. She’s been in the industry long enough to know how dating rumors can negatively impact an idols career. With that being said, she 100% knew that she was being set up to be in a dating scandal with ljw. Whether she agreed to it fully or not, we will never know.

People keep pointing fingers at it being a promotional stunt to promote their upcoming album/drama, but that literally makes no sense to me because they’re both so successful in their own careers. I think there’s bigger players here that we don’t know about and the ulterior motives will remain unknown.

It’s just odd how dispatch would release the announcement that they’re dating, have absolutely no picture proofs (not even one?? 😭) and then both companies confirming the relationship shortly after. Everything sounds so forced and abrupt and unlike any other idols whose relationships got exposed.

Like when dispatch revealed that joy and crush were dating, they had picture proof of them together on dates and they both shortly went on their ig pages to confirm said relationship. Karina’s apology that she posted didn’t even address that she was in a rs or “meeting someone with good feelings” if anything, I felt like it was void of any real emotion and it was something that she was forced to post in order to diffuse the situation .

The kpop industry is and always will be a business. It’s always going to be about profiting the most and taking advantage of the pawns on the board so the higher ups can reap all the benefits. I’m sure all idols know this themselves. It’s just unfortunate to see it happening with our own very two eyes and watch the events unfold right in front of us.

i agree with you on ppl keep painting jm to be naive or downright dumb sometimes which pisses me off ngl. i think ppl took it too far with stupid cheese cat or just calling her a loser that they started to believe that its true. like ofc i call her those stuff too affectionately but because of this ppl act like jm cant be ambitious or want things for herself. ofc you can keep calling her that and i will too but ppl need to realize shes not some 2d angel character but an actual human being with dreams which she would do anything to achive.

i dont think jm agreed willingly. you can tell by how much she wanted to distance herself from it (dead to romance cap, tagging mj to her glasses bcs ppl thought it was a couple item, singing wanegbt, saying she'll come in the morning but break news dropping instead etc) and i dont think her apology was devoid from emotion. korean speakers talked about how beautiful it was and kmys that were mad at her(hope they die) all came back saying" i love you jimin ofc i forgive you this made me cry. " high chance she was advised to post it but her emotions were real and this doesnt prove dating news really at the end of the day she caused stress for the fans and she was sorry for that no matter the reason. i wish she didnt have to feel this way but she does. she always comes to bbl too when this ungreatful fandom complains about something.

yeah kpop is all business we will never know how much the idols show us is real. at the end of the day all we can do is speculate

[genderstarbucks]

i have a request

xenogender for ppl who r pro stoning mspec lesbian/gays or ppl who believe male lesbians exist, also dawg half of the stuff in ur intro isnt real and just made up so you can feel special just put "I am gay/queer and trans" nobody needs to know that you are an otter attracted to twinks and bears 500+ fetishes n shit , gay ppl didnt die just so you can sit around and say "guyyyyssss ughhh lesbians can be attracted to men!! they can they can!!!" and trans ppl didnt die just so you can say "guys dont see me as a girl pls it makes me sooo uncomfy but im a female ftm woman trans man pussy vagina cunt man BUT DONT CALL ME A WOMAN GIRL PLS PLS DONT USE SHE HER ON ME!!!!!!!! IM JUST A SHEHERWOMAN BOY!!!"

Usually I ignore hate like this but this is so fucking funny to me

Nowhere in my bio does it say I'm a woman you dumbass LMFAO, it says I'm female, which is different than a woman

Saying I'm just gay and trans does not explain the entirety of my experience, I can use whatever fucking labels I want to describe myself whether you like it or not you wet sock

"That's not real it's made up", yeah all words are you fucking idiot

The fact that you would stone people based on an identity that literally doesn't affect your tiny brain at all says a lot about you

YOU'RE the one who's disrespecting the trans people who have died to transphobia by caring so much about the fact that this is how I experience my transness

I think they'd be proud of the fact that me and so many others are reclaiming slurs that have been used against us

Have you ever even heard of cistrans people? Probably not considering your brain implodes at the thought of male lesbians

Also where the fuck are the "fetishes" in my bio you're speaking of? Those are just my dating preferences fuckface, what? Are you mad that you don't fit those preferences? You're just mad you can't be with me because I'm so great

You are actually so fucking stupid it's funny, you think I actually care about your opinion?

Mspec gays, lesbians and straights will and have always existed, no matter what your tiny brain thinks

Lesboys and turigirls still exist too you idiot

Oh boo hoo a butch lesbian is calling themselves a lesboy, and you're getting offended over that? That's really fucking pathetic

Gay and trans people died for my and other weird queer people's rights, and the rights for us to identify however we want

R you rlly gonna support xenogenders but not other niche queer identities? Stupid ass

Nobody ever said all lesbians like men or that lesbians have to like men, lesbians only like men if they're attracted to men while also calling themselves a lesbian you dumbass

Irl literally nobody cares if you identify as an mspec gay or lesboy, it's people like you who keep pulling this stupid discourse back up WHEN LITERALLY NOBODY CARES

It's not affecting you assfuck

I'm pro stoning people who are like you, specifically with big boulders

[thepandalion]

anyways so last week we finished season 4 of house md

I can admit to crying in those final episodes

Also this kinda ruined my werewolf au. Because now my babies are fighting and I can't quite reconcile that with what I have of my au.

So. Multiple ideas:

Amber is a vampire. She survives, but when Wilson decides that her miraculous recovery means he should tell her that he's a werewolf, she reveals that actually vampires and werewolves don't go well together for dating (which uhh. Is a bit of a problem bc I'm pretty sure there's a bit where they think cuddy wants to date wilson and wwwau cuddy is also a vampire). So she breaks up with him and is still alive and they're just broken up

Amber still dies. Wilson forgives house faster than canon bc while he was about to let Amber in on werewolf stuff he didn't yet, so she's not pack while house IS pack, so I'm just ignoring all those parts of s5 for the sake of my boys and nothing else

Amber dies but now she's been pack?? House is also upset because they've now both been Wilson's people and while he might not have liked Amber he respected the fact thay wilson did and sorta respected Amber as a person too. They're not mad at each other but still get time apart. Wilson has a character arc where he goes to meet some wolves in the forest and tells them about how one of his humans got another one killed and effectively does werewolf therapy with this older werewolf (who will later come in and find human wilson because in this version good things can't happen and older werewolf has cancer and is dying). House would come up to wilson in that period when Wilson left in canon and go "I get it if u don't wanna be pack anymore and go be with other wolves in the forest like uve been doing for months now - yeah I know abt that btw" and wilson would just. Break. Bc wtf do you mean "don't wanna be pack" of course he still wants to be pack. He just needs time alone for a sec.

A universe where season 4 happened but Amber and Wilson aren't dating. Still got the new fellows but wilson is still woefully single and Amber goes to work at like. Mercy or something. Idc. Just means she doesn't die. But house might :3 because the bus very much did still crash in this version

Just. Ignore season 4 entirely. Didn't happen cannot touch me. Foreman did quit and idk maybe cameron too. Chase didn't really get fired so much so as he got promoted. He's got a small office near wilsons and he runs the magical medicine department where they treat magic people, which includes werewolves and vampires but also like. Just people practicing magic. Because chase is one of those in this au. He eats rocks and I do have a case in mind where a seer running a magical ingredients shop gets saved by him and she gives him some really cool stuff to do magic with and after that it becomes custom for patients to hand in small magical artifacts to their doctors if they're treated by the magic ppl. One of those patients accidentally fuels chases addiction to eating shiny rocks. There's a silly intervention. Anyways there's gonna be new fellows to replace those three and they might be the same fellows but also maybe not. Because I'm not sure if foreman can keep his job at mercy this time around. So I can have taub replace him in the sceptic position (but this time with the mild spicy interest of "well ok, say that vampires exist. Why do we believe our patient is one just because they say so? Everyone lies after all" and stuff). Thirteen is gonna be. Some type of creature probably. So's kutner but his vibes are just murky enough that I'm stuck in the like ??? Phase of "is he magic or just neurodiverse"

Help. Legit cannot decide between these

[misqnon]

sanji and pudding are cute together as completely platonic friends.. like he is a good FRIEND for her. i think she just needs someone in her life who isnt going to ridicule her for her eye and . like. fully accepts her. and that is who sanji is.

i wouldn't have an issue if it was just like. a one sided crush either. which it kind of is but i don't trust oda to have those intentions. i know its realistic to have kids crush on older people,, and i think its interesting to portray that as long as the adult isnt being creepy and weird. like u can have an adult that is accepting of the kid who's crushing on them. and the adult is also like "this is never going to happen. u should find someone your own age, that would be healthier". it is inherently pretty uncomfortable to have a kid crush on you i would assume, but they could still have a healthy relationship

i also want all the straw hats there!! i dont think i'll be satisfied if they arent all there..

THATS OK IT WAS STILL INTERESTING!!

this is so funny, i actually watched that video a while ago (passively. as in i was actually trying to sleep and also listen at the same time). but YEAH i think he is so right... the charm .. the something that zoro has. is not there. thank GOD i didnt miss the fuck...

NOT THE MAD WORLD REFERENCE

oh for sure the like 3 layers of translating is probably a big reason for the awkwardness. i (personally) think he has autistic energy outside of that one interview (i think i was kinda unclear which is why i am . bringing it back up) but . ofc. i am not going to diagnose a man I dont know anything about LOL

no shame in this household!!!! there is already plenty to go around

VERY ASEXUAL FRIENDS SEEING UR HORNY POSTING.... SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE. my very asexual friend does not use social media thank god. i .. i could never let her see me like this ... for her own sake..

u also forgor ur gender for a bit thats so funny..

im very thankful there are at least a FEW nsfw questions about men in the sbs... equality!! but we must strive for equity.. sexualize the men 3x more /hj

i have a friend who knows a bit of japanese but i always feel so bad relying on ppl who know other languages LOL. like.. im sorry ... our friendship means so much more to me than ur job as my translator sometimes... but i think the foreign fans use a translator app, bc im pretty sure oda has said the wording is wonky because of the translator

ive seen a bit of trixie and katya!! im at least familiar with who they are. at my highschool (that i went to for only the last two years i was in school) we had some drag queens come to school for a show.. it was interesting. i had never seen drag in person. and then we also had a drag show with students which wasnt as involved

"for legal reasons (haha get it)" LOL

perfect representation of a sanji courtroom. since u are sanji magistrate ur word is law. literally.

oda can have credit .. as a treat.

it IS compelling tbh but it's. as u kinda said. its mostly just mentioned briefly and then not brought back up. i do NOT want to see it come to fruition.... if they killed each other.... me next

"I WOULD LIKE CROSS GUILD AS A POLY SHIP MORE IF IT DIDNT FEEL MEAN WITH HOW OFTEN THEY BEAT UP ON BUGGY AND ALSO BC I THINK BUGGY BELONGS WITH MR. RED HAIR." YEAH EXACTLY!!!!! i too love a one sided ship. shuggy angst is literally so good.. wait til u catch up theres a . theres a moment. theres a shuggy moment that is SO angsty. they have so many problems they should just kiss and that would solve everything!

"OH NO BRO….HANNYAGELLAN…ITS HAPPENING…"

i also heard abt the falling down the stairs meaning suicide thing, but i only heard abt it super recently. ur right she wouldnt have done that!! she was finally feeling like. things were looking up . because of zoro!! he helped her feel better!! n then she died. i agree that he probably sees a promise as an ironclad thing. he would literally die for a promise he made. he definitely isnt stupid either, and is generally pretty untrusting of new people

SHARING FANFIC U WROTE???? :D

"Dreams. Ambitions. Drive. Do what that day stole from Kuina. Defeat Dracule Mihawk. Become the world’s greatest swordsman- for both of them." i love this part

"This isn’t a good sign for his current navigational endeavors." HE GOT LOST..... that made me laugh

"Kuina. He doesn’t think of her as often as some might think. He doesn’t dwell on the past, only reflects on it." accurate for zoro!!!!

i feel sad for him :( he sounds a bit. regretful? is that a word.. thnk u for sharing i lov .. i love .. when ppl share their art with me.. thank u..

"but do i ever actually make those things….no. i do not" psh... typical..... /lh

oh boy im so excited to take ibuprofen with u!!!!

"its just. SO COOL!!!! TO SEE PEOPLE ACT WITH SUCH PASSION AND PORTRAY EPIC STORIES..RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! LIVE!!" YOU GET IT!!!! YOU GET IT!!!!! NO ONE EVER GETS IT ... U GET IT!!!

yes u got me i like sanji now 😔😔😔😔😔 congrats on converting me😮‍💨 /lh. ill send u another 4kids sanji video to get back at u for this *shakes my fist in rage*

i love seonghwa!!! (obviously!!! since im ot8 !!!)

THE LAW PUN... I DINDT NOTICE AT FIRST .... im so glad u have the hawaiian shirt comic saved. i have multiple pictures of him saved and i refuse to delete them despite my phone storage being rly low.. and im not doing anything with them. im just attached.

look at how much i talk about him... im normal . its only been a month and a half since i restarted one piece and i hadnt talked abt him at all before that.. im normal.

ok my law thought s are.. well the most recent thought . was actually. uh.

yeah this was a normal thought. for sure.

this was the thought that led to that .

i just think u could have a lotta fun with his powers. outside of making abstract art. i want to know what its like to be law . in body. he is tall. and like. i would be able to teleport himself and other things.. which is a big thing when u can't get enough energy to get out of bed. and i have food allergies so i could eat whatever i want.. and i wouldnt have periods... i would automatically be stronger bc he has muscles. yeah.. i wish i could experience all that.

and that is all for now bc i think those r ...intense.. thoughts... to have... or maybe they arent, i dont really have an understanding of what is normal

"i wonder if it relates to his backstory and the possible trans-ness of it?" i was kinda thinking this too.. or like maybe it had something to do with his childhood or something. idk. croc backstory when!!

"he’s after freedom and what use is it if u destory the freedom of others while searching for it for yourself?" YEAH!!! U WORDED IT WELL,,

"HIS 4DUB VOICE PAINS ME PHYSICALLY" *sends another video* (i am actually going to do this but i was planning to anyways so dont feel pressured to watch it or respond LOL)

"i have a playlist where i put my fav one piece shits."

D:!!

crying, sobbing at the fact u know abt nika

ok honestly if it was just a bug collection... that would be so cute ... the one piece was the bugs we met along the way

"so i think it might be related to…joyboy/nika/ the SUN…i think maybe its like a. a hat maybe. thats my guess. sun hat. from the original joy boy. its not a good guess but its all i HAVe"

take this how u will

bartolomeo... maybe he is called the cannibal bc he has big teeth... or maybe its his name from when he was beating ppl up all the time as a .. gang leader? or whatever he was? maybe he "cannibalized" other groups??

end of the e-letter is for memes now

very very true. when she was sobbing after i left i actually felt so so bad for her ;-; like someone PLEASE get her out of there!! god SAME FOR REIJU. sanji got to escape but reiju and pudding are both stuck with their respective shit abusive families…it sucks. i hope we get to see both of them doing better by the end of the series!!

“i wouldn't have an issue if it was just like. a one sided crush either. which it kind of is but i don't trust oda to have those intentions.” YEA I MADE A POST ABOUT THIS (i think i accidentally queued it) BUT. YEA I DOUBT HE DOES 🙃 looks at shirahoshi. looks at rebecca

ITS A MAAAAAD WOROORORRLDLDL

also nodding my head no problem i got what u meant about inaki

UR RIGHT NO SHAME….PUTS MY YAOI PROUDLY ON THE FRIDGE

i still need to finish the opla video. i watch it while i eat lmao

OKAY HE HASNT MENTIONED IT SO I HOPE HE JUST DIDNT SEE IT OR. WILL NEVER BRING IT UP. its funny u say that tho bc my OTHER ace friend very supportively read this vampire zosan fic i wrote and they’re in their own words like violently ace and also sex repulsed and i WARNED THEM that there was a sex scene in that chapter i WROTE A CHAPTER NOTE AT THE BEGINNING WARNING SO and they STILL accidentally read it and texted me SO CONFUSED AND THEN EMBARASSED THEY WERE LIKE “its hot in the room?? wait i dont get it?? 🤨 - WAIT. OH NO-” funniest shit ive ever seen in my life. literally “hey. be careful dont look at that.” “huh? [staring blindly at sun]

actually every nsfw sbs question asked about the men was me. it was all me. next i will be asking the size of katakur- [gunshots]

KJSBDKJ I HAVE TWO FRIENDS THAT SPEAK FRENCH (ONE A NATIVE SPEAKER AND ONE WHO MAJORED IN IT AND NOW LIVES IN FRANCE. WITH THE OTHER FRENCH FRIEND) and when writing scenes where sanji spoke french i was too embarrassed to ask either of them for help but they bullied me into letting them help 😭😭😭 so i feel u so hard 😭😭😭

and ur right, i actually just read a chapter where someone did that from vietnam i believe (they used a machine translator)

i love drag sm!! u made me remember how much i liked it and i watched some more drag clips yesterday lmao. 

okay in terms of the death pact thing i feel like oda drops those things and always comes back to them…i DONT WANT THEM TO FIGHT EITHER BUT ALSO I SOOOO DO. kinda like how reading whole cake island ws painful for me but also i loved it. but i will need to wait a bit before reading it again. i dont think theyre gonna kill each other tho. i think itll be a moment that brings them to a better understanding of each other/their relationship. i dont mean that in a zosan way just literally in canon as crewmates. and i think it will be JUICY bc those bitches have been bickering for over 20 years…and then finally theres a big ultimate final zoro vs sanji battle like dudebros always clamor about. i want to see a setup where they’re forced to face the fact that they dont get along but still care for each other but also what to do when faced with a choice like that against someone you hate but also care for. and what zoro will do. bc i genuinely have a feeling zoro will fight him to the fucking end but not kill him when it comes down to it. even though zoro keeps promises like they’re oaths…so. i think it may be an outside element that stops the Murder from occuring. zoro may or may not actually attempt it KDSNC. its so fun to think about to me. im so ready 

shuggy moment? 👁️i know oda would not make any gay ship canon (probably most ships tbh) but why does shuggy feel like one of the most likely to me. in a weird way. KADJNFVDK. you know how in the og visual novel for clannad the “bad end” was a gay ending with your male best friend. that is canon shuggy to me. oda doing it kinda halfheartedly in a roundabout way for laughs but the fandom is popping bottles (we popping the BIGGEST bottles when shuggy happens tomorrow-)

on zoro and promises and etc etc…do u think zoro will get more development of him as a character by the end of the story? zoro is a character that’s beautiful in his simplicity but sometimes i want to know him more you know?? he’s kinda mysterious in a closed off way even tho we know what he’s about and. i wanna know more abt him. put him in more fucked up situations. i wanna see zoro suffer in a way that isnt just a tough battle.

im glad u liked it !! :D thank u!!

HAHAHAHA SANJI CONVERT !!! LET’S SEXUALIZE THAT BLONDE MAN ‼️(priorities 🫡) (the 4kids sanji video will get back at me. it will. i will suffer but i will do it.)

i have so many random op images saved in my phone…not to mention my laptop’s screenshot folder…WAIT THAT REMINDS ME JFDBVSJD i have an internship at an art gallery and i need a laptop for the job so i use my own but its my personal laptop.. and once i had to test a powerpoint but i dont have word so i had to use my personal google slides account and WHILE CONNECTED to a GIANT PROJECTOR…THIS briefly flashed on the screen before i frantically clicked away. no one saw but i. i did. (for reference this was for pwp night. and i have still nbot finished it)

i dont talk about sanji in my friend discord server bc None Of Them Watch One Piece but in my dms with my other op friend…let’s look.

on god

this is from both of us together. BUT STILL

(nodding) no go on what animal parts

law’s powers are SO fun. i wish he switched ppls bodies more often!! its such a fun trope its such a guilty pleasure for me!! also room is just. such a cool ability. i love teleportation characters (thinks about nightcrawler from xmen…my blue king). also THAT LAW COMIC I MENTIONED U IN THE TAGS. JHFVBDKAS THE FOURTH PANEL WHERE ITS JSUT THE SEA CREATURES AND HIS DEAD FACE DOING THE ROOM POSE GETS ME EVERY DAMN TIME

is law tall?? i guess he just seems short in comparison to like. doffy. (looks it up) DAMN THIS BITCH IS 6’3??? 

also funny law story i just remembered. sometimes i sell my art at gay art markets. and one time. at a halloween themed one. there was . this random law cosplayer. which yea its halloween thats a costume but for future reference i want to be clear this was like the only anime cosplay. everyone else was like cartoons or monsters or fairies or cats or some shit. well the law cosplayer is set up right across from me and i had JUST started my one piece hyperfixation so i was Extra Crazy abt it and i was literally flipping out so nervous but excited so i dragged myself over and was like “omg…hi…i love ur law cosplay….i just got into op and i havent met him yet but i see him everywhere…” and they were super nice!! but then. later. i go visit my friend’s booth. and . the ONLY other anime cosplay at the entire event…WAS A SECOND TRAFALGAR LAW. STANDING AT MY FRIEND’S BOOTH. I WAS LIKE ??? anyway i pointed them towards each other after fangirling for a hot moment and they took a pic together. it was very fun

ur thoughts are not intense or strange…well maybe they are strange to others but i am also insane. i promise. i love ur insane thoughts pls continue to share. i will do the same someday when i am less shy and ashamed of my unhinged fandom thoughts (such as making zoro amvs to abba in my head on the way to therapy. <- things that should be in the dsm-5 as a criteria. ps. thats a line my therapist actually said in response to something i did once. lmao)

did u notice that in the opla…they have all the characters who were at rogers execution there as their younger selves (mihawk, shanks,etc) AND THERE’S A AFAB PERSON WHO’S DRESSED SUSPIOCIOUSLY LIKE CROCODILE…I WAS LIKE OH SHIT)

i am going to watch the next 4kidd dub video. i will do it for you. (losing years off my life each time)

WOOPS THE PLAYLIST WAS PRIVATE try it now. if you watch any one video from that list. and this one is short. please make it this one. I LOSE MY SHIT EVERY TIME

OH ALSO. APPARENTLY AT COACHELLA. THAT MIKU PERFORMANCE WAS *ALSO* A TV SCREEN. ISNT THAT SAD. PATHETIC!!

lmao. i was talking to my caught up friend about op spoilers today and he wouldnt confirm or deny so many things i said. lmao. rofl, even

“take this how u will” IM SCARED

end of the e letter IS for memes now you’re so correct

p.s…i know discord is a Le PooPooHead esp recently BUT if you want to add me my username is the same as it is here!! feel free but no pressure

[fiend-streak]

hey, toxic astarion fangirlies can die mad about it but

if it means anything, a lot of ppl, myself included RLY appreciate you posting these caps, cause like.. im a giant baby, i will never play durge, but i AM nosy af so i LOVE seeing all the options in the game...so yeah, ty for ur service <3

Thanks mate, but it got the point I received death threats in private message after posting the video from those SS on youtube because I abuse baby boy Astarion. I received some after I chose Ascended Astarion route as well, because I play the game wrong and I should die because of it. Bit extreme, even for me. I'm honestly getting fed up with threats, insults and people telling me how I'm abusing pixels or that I have no right to play the game the way I want to play it - because this is apparently the reason I should die :))

[llycaons]

ep27 (2/3): mm sweetie im so sorry you had to work with those useless fucks

mm trying so desperately to be reasonable and explain the blindingly obvious to a room of self-important power-hungry corrupt fucks who have already decided who the villain is...rip to a real one

like!!!! duh!!!!

and this is SO real. she's a young woman of low ranking in a room full of powerful men. she's supposed to be there to back up their lies. but she's refusing to be a part of it!

it's very silly when ppl make the yiling wei sect a thing. obvs all in good fun but directly contradicted by canon and pretty significant! wwx wasn't teaching anyone nefarious and heretical cultivation, they were just trying to make a living

sooo true. love when hide fox dug into this and made it a big discourse topic on the internet. also you guys remember 'controversial demons hiei and kurama'

WHY DID THE CAMERA SUDDENLY FOCUS ON JGY FOR THIS LINE?!

another attempt

damn I didn't catch the line. it was "Brother Fengmian favored him" and you see how devastating THAT is. bc it was true

oh my god those poor servants have to stand there like that all day? I hope the perks of that job are good and jgs isn't gross to them 😭 also a few years? are jc and wwx 19/20 already? how the years fly by...weird that there's so little contact between wwx and lwj in that time honestly. we don't see them write to each other at all

JYL WOULD HAVE HAD MORE GUTS THAN THAT!!! SHE KNEW HOW TO STAND UP TO POWERFUL MEN FOR HER BROTHER.

jgy is such a politician. what the fuck kind of nothing-statement is that? nmj can smell bs which i can appreciate abt him

nmj noticing the parallels between jgy and maybe being the only character in the show to point them out? hm

also lwj and mm talk I guess but I don't consider that a significant event since we don't hear a single word of that conversation and it doesn't really affect anything except they're friendly with each other now

oof, I love lqr but he's truly quite harsh on lwj for this

this is literally 90% of lqr's conflict with lwj. his character is extremely straightforward and easy to understand. he states it explicitly. and people are still like 'he's ano-fun asshole for no reason' or 'he's a vicious homophobe and that why he's anti-wangxian' NO!!! those are the wrong flaws!!!

ohh pretty tree. lol he's shy.

she is so beautiful I love her

'I DON'T MIND YOUR BROTHER IS WANTED BY ALL THE SECTS' what a darcy-esque proposal. 'your family may be in deep shit but /I/ still love you' omg

this is kind of basic but very earnest and sweet and I can see why jyl, lonely and bereft of companionship, a caretaker for her entire life, would want to have someone like that

jc saw this and as always he is MISERABLE. yeah dude your sister has her own life die mad about it

he's actually not a duck to her about it at all so...small victories I guess. but he's always felt more entitled to wwx than to jyl anyway

and he was dreaming of her 😭 remember when he hallucinated her? remember when she dreamed about him and he was floating down the river and then he was gone? god. devastating

[sereniv]

gunna angry rant here

i fucking hate so much when people who are on a plant based diet tell people that veganism is about health and eating fruits and no sugar and all that bullshit

like fuck off truly fuck off. go eat your banana and shut up

because then you have people thinking veganism is some strict diet shit

AUGHH

Possible and Practical (and nescessary) is so important to me because it acknowledges that not everyone is the same

like the dieters that you see are usually so jusgemental and racist because they think everyone should eat 100% plant based

they and non vegans are the ones i see shitting on native whaling

and it makes me sick

i remember when i first went vegan i technically wasnt bc i did judge people like slaughterhouse workers, i was influenced by the person who got me to be vegan, and they were highly anti-human. so i was like yeah die slaughterhouse workers

or judging someone who has to work at mcdonalds bc they are handling animal products (though i always felt iffy about that stance but i went along with it for a very short time)

and then? i fucking grew up

and i was reminded about the biggest most important part of the veganism definition whivh is Possible and Practical

and it still took me time to get to where i am now, i WAS an asshole

But the moment you ignore that is the moment you get into colonialist mindset. into a racist mindset. classist mindset

i hate hate this so much it makes me so mad

because when it comes down to it you are allowed to feel conflicting emotions

you are allowed to think a cultural food is gross (to yourself) or sad/upset about it, but also be happy for the people enjoying themselves happy that they can provide that they get to eat

i mean i watch non vegan cooking where they gut an animal (like fish), and i think its gross and i feel bad. I try to not hang on the word gross either, but i also enjoy just seeing things cooked

like idk how to fully convey the mixture of recognizing sentience in an animal, and then also supporting those that hunt for their own personal cultural connection

like yeah we can compare and say "what if instead of an animal ppl were killing ppl" but right now that talk in those situations doesnt matter. because yeah cultures as a whole change and so can religion, but when you target a culture or religion as a whole then that is not very good at all lol

i got off track. basically, fuck plant based dieters.

[chryzure-archive]

whats some media that is soooo chrysijacks/chryzure? what would their fave pokemon be.... any random assorted thoughts you've been thinking abt them lately? and ofc any new songs you found that are chrysijacks/chryzure...

chrysijackscoded media:

moulin rouge‼️‼️‼️

the princess bride

labyrinth….

anastasia

enchanted

ella enchanted too <3

tangled (i want jacks DEAD)

wicked :)

the scarlet pimpernel

all those early 2000s barbie movies. jacks makes an excellent pretty barbie <3

the phantom of the opera, but i also have a chryzure au for this, so i’m putting it in both of their categories

chryzurecoded media!!!!:

beauty and the beast (for reallllll)

the bone witch (azure is coming back to life to be w chrysi… peak chryzure)

the night circus <3

h.hadestown……….

the corpse bride!!!!!

the addams family

THE MUMMY.

nightmare before christmas

haunting of bly manor…

legend of zelda, but esp twilight princess

phantom of the opera !!

the velveteen rabbit… i can make it work, i can MAKE IT WORK

fablehaven <3

the nutcracker….. i will not elaborate.

chrysi’s fav pokémon is probably phantump, since she can see ghosts and talk to them… this is jst another ghost. she has adopted a new child.

my friend showed me a purugly and i literally gasped and said, “AZURE WOULD LOVE IT”, so there’s THAT answer! i’ve never seen a more azure-coded pokémon in my life

jacks i’m less certain of, but i looove espurr’s design bc it’s sooo little creature + i think jacks would take one look at it and jst keep it at all times. he’ll never admit it, but he’d die for this creature

misc chrysijacks thoughts consist of how funny it is in most aus that they’re already divorced. it’s jst a question of them getting back together. why are they trying out this relationship again when chrysi would’ve gladly thrown jacks out a window? who knows! they’re kissing so hard rn though!!!!!!!!

then come the other half of the aus where they’re childhood friends and it’s like. yeah no it’s totally normal for friends to have napped together since they were in middle school, all bc chrysi got nightmares when she slept on her own. it’s totally normal that jacks kisses chrysi regularly. friends do that, esp when one friend is immune to the curse. and then jacks has the gall to be shocked when ppl call him out for being in love w chrysi. okay, darling, don’t worry your pretty little head over that.

misc chryzure thoughts are fkskgkskcjsjzkjfkkdkckfjwksmcnekzmdndns……. like??!!? sticking a fork into the wall outlet rn because i am sooo!!! jst down to the simple day to day domestic life, it’s so clear how much they love each other…. they’re comfy w preparing each other toast and teasing each other for the way they like their tea and they’re both teasingly mad when the cat picks one of them over the other.

and then the whole reincarnation curse makes me go insane go wild. the number of lives they hold, where they loved each other unabashedly and wholly, only for them to die tragically? and the fact that both chrysi and azure have started to look forward to their next life, because the agony will stop, for just a little while… they get to be happy for a fraction of time in each of their lives, and that’s enough. that has to be enough. oh, the agonies…

also, azure’s hickey game is insane + chrysi wears off the shoulder shirts a lot. what’s she supposed to do w these, blue??? knock it off!!!!!!!

chrysijacks songs:

summer // circadian clock, baethoven

love song // sara bareilles (i’m not justifying my choice. jst know this is the same era of chrysijacks as the era when i first discovered his hair would be blue and i was horrified for the next two hours)

casanova // allie x

oh l’amour // erasure (i’ve mentioned this before but it’s sooo chrysijacks to me)

chryzure songs:

tether // sleep state

below my feet // mumford & sons

divine créature // la femme

see you tomorrow // evgeny grinko

[daz4i]

putting thoughts in text in hopes it'll clear my mind enough to sleep 🫡 (aka. a vent. maybe a call for advice...? tho idk if there is any)

i feel like. maybe. i'm having such a hard time lately (beyond like, making a lot of big changes in my life and lowkey overhauling it) bc i'm filled with opposing and contradicting emotions and thought processes

i am on the path to recovery. but i don't want it, bc i want to die. i need to put in a lot of effort into doing anything, but i don't have any energy, in part bc i don't want to do any of this. i know in order to be more stable i need to be kinder to myself, but i don't think i should be, bc i don't think i deserve it and idk how to do it and it's not a good driving force for me bc i'm already lenient with myself enough as is and and and look it's all excuses at the end of the day, truth is i just don't want to

i don't know what i want. ig death is the only thing really. unfortunately that's too much effort too (really i'm just scared of the repercussions of a failed attempt). but i can't move anywhere like that. i don't have a direction. bc i don't want anything

but at the same time i do, like. i want too much. and that's the issue ig. bc it's unachievable. and i'm not willing to settle for anything less. bc nothing is ever enough no matter what

my singing teacher kinda called me out on this today lol like how i'm never giving myself any kind words or how i'm never proud of doing good even tho in her opinion i'm already great. i can't ever be proud of my achievements (in general, not just singing) bc they don't feel like achievements to me ig. bc ik there's always better, so what's the point in less, yknow? to compare it to video games. yeah bronze medals or half collections are fun at first but at some point it's frustrating to not get gold or 100%. but it takes way too much work to get there or relies on things you can't even do

not even getting into things ppl in my life consider achievements when i do them, even tho i know they're below the bare minimum for a normal person lol (like any of the mental health shit i do today). not to mention how much i struggle with it anyway, i can't even get through things that are meant to be fun without feeling like i'm dying before during and/or after them

or how awful it feels to be unable to do things i used to. not even when i'm looking far back (<- peaked at 13-14 y/o) but even like, oh last month i was able to complete this task easily, this month i had a severe panic attack trying to do it or ended up being unable to do it at all

i wanna say i'm trying but idk if i am. bc i have no goal. i am definitely putting in effort, too much by my own standards tbh (hence why i'm in a constant state of debilitating stress and why my body feels like it's falling apart all the time) but it feels all over the place, like instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it's pushing multiple of those but on different hills. just running back and forth between them before i can even get a single boulder to any top

idk how to go at it in a different way or a different pace tho. idk how to make it better. i already committed to this program and if i leave it now i won't be able to get it again later in life. and like, i got into it in the first place for a reason, life of Nothing is so fucking boring and i got tired

but before i started it. i told my friend that being this depressed and doing nothing is better than being this depressed and trying to do things bc at least i'm not putting in meanless effort. and he got mad - we had this conversation more than once and he got mad every time - and said i can't know that, and that if i did things i may not be as depressed. well now i AM doing things and as expected i was right!!!!!!! it IS fucking shitty!!!!!! i AM getting worse!!!!! in ways i wasn't before, even!!!!!! and maybe it's bc i'm so fucking stubborn and it only happened bc i expected it too, but it's not like i can turn it off 🤷‍♂️ that shit happened subconsciously

so that just makes me think. again. how am i supposed to get better like this. my own body and brain battle me on every move and make it thrice as hard, things that are already hard as is, and i am very very weak and don't have any tools to deal with hardships (before you suggest therapy, I've been in dbt for years, my therapist just gave up on me bc he already taught me all of it and nothing ever worked bc my brain is fundamentally broken) so in this 2 on 1 battle i am not even armed in any way, obviously i'm getting wrecked no matter what

(one might argue that part of the issue is me seeing my body and brain as opponents rather than just me. and to that i say. bro if you had these they'd be your enemies too, this shit is hopeless, they're built for suffering is2g if you wanna feel anything positive that's a bummer ig. bc you won't. ever. and no amount of therapy and no medication and no life changes seems to help. and it's been 14 years of only getting worse. not that you were doing great before, you just didn't actively want to kys, bc you didn't know it was an option. so. 25 years of getting worse really. god i'm too old to be this fucking useless still lol)