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panharmonium · 4 years ago

Text

the edge of seventeen [fic]

summary: Daegal forgets his own birthday. Merlin has a conniption. Daegal has a crisis.

context for newcomers: This is the next installment in an ongoing AU that @once-and-future-gay and I have been playing around with, wherein both Will and Daegal survived into Season 5. The background for that AU can be found here, and the associated fics (plus one art post) are at the following links: be good / persistence / tournaments / daegal post-carpentry (art).

a/n: @once-and-future-gay, this was actually written for your birthday XD I started it that Tuesday intending for it to be a very short snippet that I could post the same day, but I quickly realized that it was turning into a bigger piece, and now, a week and a half later, it’s a 10k story. I apologize for how belated it is, but I hope you'll accept it as a birthday gift anyhow - I figured that if it were up to me, I’d rather have ‘more fic’ than ‘on-time fic,’ so - happy (belated) birthday to you, and here’s some more of this AU for you, featuring Daegal and a wide supporting cast! ✨

“Are you trying to slice that thing or just beat it to death?”

Will stared incredulously down the table at Daegal, who continued to hack at the seedpod held between his fingers even though his aggravated chopping did little more than squash the unyielding capsule down into the wood of the table. “It’s my knife,” Daegal muttered, stabbing at his botanical nemesis. “It’s dull.”

“So sharpen it.”

“I did,” Daegal replied. “It’s old. It doesn’t hold an edge.”

Will beckoned for the knife. Daegal scooted it down the table to him like an innkeeper sliding drinks down the length of the bar, even in defiance of Merlin’s exasperated, “Don’t - !” But Will caught the knife easily, handle-first, and gave it a disapproving once-over.

“Use mine,” he said, and slid one of his own blades down the table.

“Don’t - !” Merlin bit out again, then sighed and returned to the text he was copying after Daegal intercepted the blade without injury.

“Careful,” Will warned Daegal. “It’s - ”

Pop. Daegal startled out of his seat at the first enthusiastic slice of the knife, as the capsule burst and sent hundreds of tiny black seeds scattering in every direction, the dried granules rolling off the edge of the table and pouring onto the floor with a rain-like hiss.

Merlin sighed and rubbed his forehead. Will picked up his own half-finished carving again and gestured at Merlin’s face. “You’ve got a bit of ink on you, you know.”

Merlin shot him a flat look. “Have I?”

“Yeah. Just over your nose there.”

“Maybe it’s because you keep doing things that make me want to pull my hair out.”

Will gave Daegal a knowing grin across the table. Daegal, doing his best to contain the spilled seeds, couldn’t help feeling pleased, even if the smile he offered to Will in return was slightly sheepish.

“Do I?” Will asked Merlin, utterly unconcerned. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Stop giving him knives!” Merlin burst out, gesturing broadly at Daegal’s end of the table.

“He’s fine!” Will said. “He’s a big lad.”

“And he’s making a big mess.”

“I’ll clean it up,” Daegal assured Merlin, scooping the runaway seeds into uncooperative piles. “I didn’t think it would cut so well, is all.”

“You need better tools,” Will declared. “Merlin, the man works for you. Why haven’t you got him outfitted properly?”

Merlin opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything, he was interrupted by a rap at the door. “It’s open,” he called, frowning. It was a bit late for visitors.

The door swung open, revealing Gwaine, who took only a single step into the physician’s chambers before pausing at the loud crunching sound under his boot. “Hallo,” he said curiously, lifting up his foot. “What’s all this, then?”

“Seeds,” Daegal supplied helpfully, at the same time as Merlin grumbled, “Never mind. Don’t come in; you’ll track it all over.”

Gwaine obliged, bowing at the waist in deference to Merlin’s directive. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “I only came by to see if you lot fancied an excursion.”

“What sort?”

“The lads and I are off to see the sunrise. Thought you might like to join us.”

It was only after a moment’s confusion that Daegal realized Gwaine was talking about the tavern, in some sort of post-curfew, plausible deniability-laden way. Daegal wiped seeds from his palms and looked hopefully between Will and Merlin, not daring to believe that they would say yes. It wasn’t often Gwaine heard the word “no” from someone he’d propositioned, Daegal was willing to bet, but Daegal knew trying to drag Will and Merlin out of their nest two whole bells after curfew, especially when the weather had frosted all the windows, was an extremely optimistic maneuver, even for Gwaine.

Will, predictably, snorted, not even bothering to pretend he was interested. Merlin did a better job of feigning regret, holding up the heavy text he was copying as if it explained everything. “Can’t,” he said simply. “Sorry. Too much work. Too late. Too tired. Too cold.”

“Any other excuses?” Gwaine asked, the corners of his mouth twitching up.

“Pick whichever one you like best,” Merlin said, returning to scratch away at his manuscript. “I’m comfy in here.”

Gwaine gestured amicably at Daegal. “How about you, lad?”

Daegal’s eyes widened. Merlin always made tavern nights with Gwaine sound legendary, and the fact that Will groaned every time they came up in conversation made them even more intriguing, but Will, in a surprisingly swift intervention, interrupted before Daegal could even open his mouth.

“Not a chance,” he said, when Daegal tentatively started to rise from his chair. “Sit down.”

Gwaine did not seem offended, but simply leaned against the doorframe and grinned in that careless way of his. “Can’t the lad have a bit of fun?”

“Not with that lot. Not at this hour.”

“I’ll look after him.”

“You? By the time you’re done drinking you won’t know him from Bruta.”

Gwaine shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He pointed at Daegal. “Invitation stands, lad. Another time, maybe.”

Daegal nodded wistfully, and Gwaine bade them farewell, departing. Will, shaking his head, returned to his whittling, muttering, “Not ruddy likely.” He brushed wood shavings off his knees, adding to the mess on the floor. “Lunatic.”

“He’s a good lunatic,” Merlin said, absorbed in his copying.

“If you say so.”

“I could still go, maybe,” Daegal said. “I could look after myself.”

Will raised his eyebrows. “At the Rising Sun? After curfew? You’d wake up with your head in a snowbank.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would,” Will said, not budging. “Don’t go courting trouble. You’re too young for that crowd.”

Daegal scrunched up his nose. He knew that in a contest of stubbornness, Will would win by a mile, but still - “I’m not too young. I’m seventeen.”

Merlin’s head snapped up from his book, his copying abruptly forgotten. “You’re sixteen.”

“No,” Daegal said, bewildered by Merlin’s sudden bizarre intensity. “Seventeen.”

“Since when?”

“I had my birthday last month.”

“You what?”

Daegal, confused, looked between Merlin and Will, the latter of whom sighed. “Oh, lor.”

“What?” Daegal asked. “Have I - is that bad?”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Merlin demanded, ignoring Daegal’s question.

“I don’t know,” Daegal replied, taken aback. He hadn’t even thought of it at the time. What was there to think about? It was just another day. Sometimes he didn’t even remember his birthday had happened until it was already over. Once he hadn’t remembered until the last week in January, when he’d taken a courier job and been forced to lie about his age.

Merlin looked incensed. Will, by contrast, looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Right, then,” he said, getting up and tucking his carving into his pocket. “I’m off. You two have fun.”

Daegal had an absurd urge to beg Will to sit back down, because Merlin was starting to get a frankly loony look on his face and Daegal did not understand what was the matter. But Will just patted Daegal on the top of the head on his way out - tap tap - and let the door swing closed behind him.

Merlin, his hands on his hips, assessed Daegal with narrowed eyes.

“I’m sorry?” Daegal ventured, unsure what he was apologizing for.

Merlin pressed his lips together. “You and him,” he said, pointing to the door where Will had just exited, “you’re two of a kind, you know that?”

Daegal did not know. He had no idea what Merlin was talking about, in fact, and he was afraid to ask. He did not exactly want to apologize again, though, because that felt sort of like apologizing for being like Will (although why Merlin seemed to think this was the case was a mystery).

“Right,” Merlin said after a moment. “Not to worry. I’ll take care of it.”

Daegal hesitated. “Take care of what?”

Merlin sighed and shook his head, but did not answer. Daegal decided that perhaps it would be best if he did not needle Merlin with further questions right now. His mentor was acting very strange, and Daegal could not possibly imagine what had gotten him so worked up.

He would just have to ask Will about it later.

As it turned out, Daegal did not have a chance to ask Will about it later.

The next day, Will did not come by. The day after that, Merlin sent Daegal out to collect more dried seedpods to replace the ones Daegal had mangled, which took all afternoon and was exhausting enough for Daegal to go straight to his little chamber in the servants’ wing and flop into bed after supper.

The morning after that, he woke to find a smiling Elyan hovering barely two inches above his face.

Daegal stifled a gasp and only just barely stopped himself from whacking Elyan across the nose. He scrambled upright in the bed, his back pressed against the wall. “El - Sir Elyan! What - ”

“Good morning,” Elyan said, as if he could not possibly have been happier to have gotten almost-smacked in the face. “Merlin sent me down. Said it’s your birthday.”

Daegal goggled at him. “My what?”

“Your birthday,” Elyan repeated. “Isn’t it?”

Daegal shook his head, certain that he was still asleep. “No.”

“Merlin said you might say that.” Elyan whipped the covers off Daegal’s legs. “Up you get. It’s time for breakfast.”

Daegal shivered violently, his sleep clothes providing little protection against the cold. “I don’t normally - I’m supposed to go and help Gaius - ”

“Not today. You’ve been given the day off.”

Daegal stared. “What for?”

Elyan chuckled. “Still asleep in there, I see,” he remarked, tossing Daegal a shirt. “It’s your birthday. Haven’t I just said that?”

“It’s not, though,” Daegal said, feeling as if he were speaking a different language. “My birthday’s in November.”

“Not this year, it isn’t.” Elyan grinned. “Get dressed. We’ve got all sorts of things do today.”

When Elyan had said ‘all sorts of things,’ Daegal had not expected one of those things to be a full breakfast served in the King and Queen’s personal chambers, catered by the King and Queen’s personal serving staff, and attended by the King and Queen themselves.

“I didn’t know,” Daegal whispered frantically to Merlin, as Elyan ushered him inside the room. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? I would have worn something else!”

“You don’t have anything else,” Merlin shot back under his breath. “Relax. Arthur put his undershirt on back to front this morning; he’s hardly Sir Stylish.”

Daegal gave Merlin a panicked, pleading stare, but Merlin just plunked Daegal down in a seat and left to pour the drinks.

“We’ve been meaning to do this for ages,” the Queen told him, sitting down next to Elyan. “Merlin keeps you very busy, doesn’t he?”

Daegal’s mouth was too dry to formulate any sort of reply. Only a few short months ago this very same woman had been standing at Morgana’s elbow, plotting Arthur’s assassination, and at the time, Daegal had not even realized there was anything wrong with her. There was, after all, nothing hard to believe about a servant-turned-queen who’d gotten a taste for power and decided to keep climbing the ladder, and while Merlin had always been very adamant that Daegal would never have believed this of Gwen if he had ever met her previously, it was hard for Daegal to look at her and not remember how she had willingly embraced the woman who later tried to murder Merlin and threatened to do the same to Daegal, if he didn’t keep his mouth shut.

Merlin, busy setting out the ewery on a sidetable, heard Gwen’s comment and spared Daegal the necessity of replying. “Arthur keeps me very busy,” he said, directing a pointed look at the king. “If you’d like me to arrange your subjects’ social schedules on top of my other duties, Sire, perhaps you ought to hire someone else to look after your washing.”

Arthur waved a hand. “Guinevere likes that funny thing you do with my socks.”

“Guinevere,” corrected the Queen , “thinks her husband is perfectly capable of rolling his own socks, thank you.” She smiled encouragingly at Daegal. “But enough about the laundry. We’d been meaning to have you round for a meal, to say thank you, and Merlin mentioned that it was your birthday, so we thought now would be the perfect time.”

Daegal barely even heard the bit about his birthday, instead fixated on what had come just before it. Thank him? What for? He had nearly gotten the king killed.

“Merlin tells us you’ve been helping Gaius?” Arthur prompted.

Daegal nodded.

“He’s a fine physician. If you’re pursuing a path in the healing arts, you couldn’t ask for a better teacher.”

“Is that something you’re interested in?” Guinevere asked, warm interest written across her face.

Daegal’s eyes darted helplessly to Merlin, who nodded encouragingly. Daegal cleared his throat. “Er - I think so. Maybe. Merlin says I’m picking it up quickly.”

“Well, you’ve already saved one life,” Arthur said with a grin, gesturing at himself, “so if that’s any indication of your capabilities, I expect you’ll do well.” He offered Daegal a platter of pastries. “Tell us about your studies.”

The meal continued on in much the same fashion, with Gwen and Arthur asking Daegal questions and Elyan occasionally putting in a comment or two of his own. Daegal did his best to answer honestly, even as he was plied with heaps of food, most of which was comprised of dishes he had never had the chance to try before and all of which flavors he was certain he would never be able to remember later, given how worked up he was. Arthur was gracious and charming throughout, very unlike the man who often featured in Merlin’s grumbling suppertime complaints. Elyan talked to Merlin as much as he did to either of the royal guests, which was probably a breach of some kind of protocol, though nobody seemed to mind. And the Queen - the Queen looked exactly the same as she had when Daegal had first met her, minus the cloak and surreptitious glances, and if he hadn’t known better, he would have thought nothing had changed.

Except -

There came one moment, towards the end of the meal, when Merlin put a goblet down in front of Gwen with a playful and very exaggerated “Your Majesty,” and Gwen jabbed his knee with a fork under the table where Arthur couldn’t see, all the while both of them keeping their eyes locked on each other as if daring the other one to laugh first, and it was then that Daegal knew with absolute certainty that this was not the same woman he had met that night in the woods.

“I hope you’ll accept this token of the Crown’s appreciation,” Arthur said to Daegal later, when they had finally finished their meal and risen from their chairs. “You’ve done this kingdom a tremendous service, and I’m indebted to you.” He passed Daegal a very official-looking bit of folded parchment stamped with the royal seal, which Daegal knew it would not be appropriate to open now. He took it and bowed the way Merlin had shown him.

“And there’s something from me, too,” said Guinevere. “Only it would have been a bit difficult to get it up the steps - Elyan will take you to see it instead. I think you’ll find it useful, given that you’re apprenticing to our physicians.”

Daegal could not possibly imagine what on earth could have been so unwieldy that she could not get it up the stairs, but he bowed to her as well. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“Thank you,” she said, in a more solemn voice. “For helping, when I couldn’t help myself.”

Daegal straightened, hesitant. Her eyes - it seemed ludicrous to Daegal, now, that he had not recognized the enchanted version of her for what it was. That hollow shell had had no soul.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you,” he blurted out. “I wish I could’ve done more.”

“You’ve done more than enough,” Arthur said, wrapping a steady arm around his wife’s shoulders. “For both of us. We owe you a great deal.”

Daegal bowed to both of them again, and Elyan escorted him to the door. “Oh, and Daegal?” Gwen added.

Daegal stumbled over his own feet trying to turn around. “Your Majesty?”

She smiled at him. “Happy birthday.”

“What did Arthur give you, then?” Elyan asked, once they were out in the street.

Daegal fingered the mystery envelope. He did not know, and honestly, his head was spinning too much for him to even think about puzzling out a jumble of words right now, especially when he was only just learning his letters to begin with.

“Can I have a look?” Elyan asked, and Daegal willingly handed him the parchment. Elyan slipped a finger under the seal and unfolded the document, parsing it with a speed Daegal had pretty much despaired of ever achieving for himself.

“Mm,” Elyan said. “Thought so. Typical kingly stuff.”

“What is it?”

“Land grant,” Elyan said, handing back the parchment, and then, as if this were nothing to worry about, he turned and ambled into the stables.

Daegal stared after him. “What?”

“Land grant,” Elyan repeated. “You know, like a knight’s fee. For services rendered to the Crown.” He wandered deeper down the central aisle of the stable, stalled horses on either side of him lifting their heads. “Come on. It’s through here.”

Stunned, Daegal followed him, his fingers clutching at the incomprehensible slip of parchment. “I can’t own land,” he protested. “I don’t own a second pair of shoes.”

“You do now. Or you can afford to, at least.” Elyan glanced back at Daegal. “Don’t worry, it’s a small plot. Just a little square out in the Sprawl.”

Outside the city walls, then. “I don’t - what am I supposed to do with it?”

“You could live there.”

“But - ” Daegal stared at Elyan’s back uncomprehendingly. “I live in the Citadel.”

“Rent it?”

Daegal’s head was going to explode. “Will says landlords are leeches,” he said faintly.

Elyan laughed. “Herb garden?” he suggested. “Merlin’s always sending you off to gods know where, searching for things you could grow yourself.”

Daegal hardly knew what to say to that, but Elyan stopped walking before Daegal could think of anything coherent. “Here we are,” Elyan announced, clapping a hand down on top of a stall door to his left.

A wave of misgiving flooded Daegal, temporarily wiping away the lingering shock of the land grant. “Are we riding somewhere?”

He had not considered this, and he did not want to admit that the only way he was going to be able to ride anywhere at all was on the back of someone else’s saddle. He had never had access to a horse himself, and had only had the opportunity to ride twice in the past - the first occasion had been extremely brief, and the second had ended in him being thrown, so he was not quite sure that it counted.

“Not today,” Elyan said. “Unless you count the training ring.”

“Sorry?”

“Merlin says you don’t know how to ride.”

“Yeah,” Daegal said. He could feel himself turning red. “I mean - no, I don’t know how. Not well. I don’t need to. I don’t have a horse.”

“Didn’t have a horse,” Elyan said, as if making a correction.

“What?”

Elyan gestured at the stall they were standing next to. “Couldn’t get her up the stairs.”

Daegal’s mouth popped open. The creature Elyan was pointing to was a dark bay with an irregular, splotchy white blaze down her muzzle, her smooth coat appearing nearly black in the dim light of the stables. She was stout and smoothly muscled, watching them with a calm, composed energy, and even as Daegal stared, she stretched her neck over the stall door and sniffed at Elyan’s hands, perhaps searching for any remnants of his recent breakfast.

“My sister,” Elyan said proudly, scratching the horse’s cheek, “is aces at presents.”

“She’s not for me,” Daegal croaked disbelievingly.

“Of course she is,” Elyan assured him. “She’s the same stock as Merlin’s. Steady temperament, friendly, not likely to spook. Not like Arthur’s beasts.”

A horse, Daegal thought numbly. A horse.

“I can’t take this,” he mumbled. “It’s too much.”

“Of course it’s not too much. You saved the king’s life.”

I almost killed him! Daegal wanted to shout, but Elyan would not understand.

“And you’ll need transportation, anyhow,” Elyan continued. “You can’t be jogging along behind Merlin on foot. Apprentices in the royal household have mounts, or they can’t do their work.”

Daegal bit the inside of his cheek. “I don’t even know how to ride her.”

The horse cocked her ears in Daegal’s direction and swung her blocky head around to inspect him, her dark brown eyes sedate and trusting. “What do you think we’re here to practice?” Elyan asked cheerfully, retrieving a halter and lead rope from a hook on the wall. “Go on, say hello to her.”

Daegal’s hand came up of its own accord, hovering in the air below his new mount’s nose. She lipped at his fingers curiously. “Hello,” Daegal breathed.

He didn’t deserve her. He knew he didn’t.

But he was falling in love with her anyway.

It was a very windswept and breathless Daegal who climbed off his horse later that day and ran to greet Merlin at the fence.

Evening was coming on, and the temperature had sunk as quickly as the sun, but Daegal did not even notice the stiffness in his fingers or the tightness in his cheeks. He was too carried away with the elation of riding, and the dizzying knowledge that he now had the means to go anywhere he wanted, anytime, without begging for rides in the back of strangers’ wagons. Months ago he would have killed for this kind of ability to roam.

It was strange, now that he finally had the freedom to run away whenever he pleased, that he no longer felt he had anything to run away from.

“Having fun?” Merlin asked, elbows resting on the fence.

Daegal did not think fun was the right word. There was just no good way to explain that he felt like a menagerie bear whose shackles had slipped, or a noblewoman’s bird escaping out a cracked window. “It’s brilliant,” he said, settling for a completely inadequate adjective. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“And he’s good at it!” Elyan put in, walking Daegal’s horse over to the gate. “We’ve only been out here one day and he’s got her cantering already - I think this beast is talking to him.”

If Daegal’s cheeks had not been whipped rosy by the wind already, they were certainly turning pink now. “No,” he said to Merlin, “not - talking to me. Obviously not. Just - I sort of feel like I understand her, is all.”

Merlin did not seem to think this was strange at all, and produced a chunk of some sort of winter root vegetable from his coat, offering it to the horse. She snapped it up eagerly. “Animals talk,” Merlin said, shrugging. “It’s people as don’t know how to listen that get kicked in the nethers.”

He untied the gate for Elyan, who led the horse through it and started up the path back to the stables proper. “How was your day?” Merlin asked Daegal, as the three of them walked, Elyan leading the horse on one side, and Merlin and Daegal on the other.

Daegal had to think before answering. It had been, by a wide margin, the strangest day he had ever experienced in Camelot, starting with Elyan’s surprise appearance that morning and punctuated by a number of other unexpected visitors. Leon had arrived in the stables not long after Elyan and Daegal, bringing with him a collection of exquisitely embroidered tack (“Part of Her Majesty’s gift,” he’d explained), and then he’d spent the next hour walking Daegal through the various bits and pieces, guiding him through the process of putting them on his mount and taking them off again. Percival had dropped by with his own mount and accompanied Daegal on a slow ride outside the ring, along the edge of the woods - Elyan had ridden in the saddle behind Daegal, just to be safe, but he had not had to take the reins from Daegal once, and they had gone on a nice plodding walk around the frostbitten perimeter of what would be fairgrounds, come summer. Even Mordred had made a brief appearance, in his oddly intense way - apparently out for a ride of his own, watching Elyan and Daegal lungeing Daegal’s mount for a few minutes, before nodding to the both of them and continuing on his way, his own horse cresting the hill so smoothly that it appeared as if it were not touching the ground.

“It was strange,” Daegal decided.

Merlin walked along beside him, his boots crunching on the frostbitten grass. “Why?”

“I don’t know. All these people - ” Daegal paused, brushing a hand against his horse’s flank. “I don’t see why they’re taking an interest.”

“It’s your birthday,” Merlin replied. “People are supposed to make a fuss.”

Daegal was not sure about that. It had not ever been his experience in the past, at least. “It’s not really my birthday, though.”

“Only because I didn’t know about it.”

They continued walking, Daegal worrying at his lip. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” he said abruptly, after a minute.

“You’re not enjoying yourself?”

Daegal shook his head quickly. “I am.” Too much, he thought. His exhilaration at being taught how to ride had driven it from his mind for a while, but now -

Elyan waved to someone up ahead, interrupting Daegal’s thoughts. There in the stableyard was Gwaine, lounging against the edge of the open doors, dressed not in his crimson surcoat but in plain clothes, and tossing a small pouch from hand to hand.

“You’re early,” Merlin called to him. “We’ve still got to groom and water this creature.”

“I thought I was supposed to be in charge of the watering,” Gwaine replied, which seemed like a very odd thing to say. “Wasn’t that the plan?”

“I’m talking about the horse.”

Gwaine pushed himself off the wall, joining the little group as they entered the yard. “Our guest of honor,” he said, indicating Daegal. “This fellow’s been doing our job for us, Elyan. Saving the king is knight’s work, isn’t it?”

Elyan led the horse past Gwaine with a smirk. “How would you know? You’ve never done a bit of it.”

Gwaine shook his head, glancing at Daegal in a comradely way. “Why does everybody think I only took this job for the food?”

Daegal, who had only rarely interacted with Gwaine before, did not know what to answer, but Merlin saved him the trouble. “Because we know you,” he said, and then smiled when Gwaine gave him a crooked grin.

That was utter nonsense. Even Daegal knew that Gwaine had nearly died during Morgana’s occupation, specifically while fighting to keep a number of his fellow prisoners from starving - but Merlin and Gwaine were a bit like Merlin and Will in that way, at least to Daegal’s limited experience, wherein Gwaine did not always want people to see him for what he truly was, and Merlin always chose to see him anyway, if only from behind a mutually agreed-upon smokescreen of affectionate teasing.

“Well, let’s hurry it up,” Gwaine said, tossing his little bag in the air. “I’d like to get on with my bit.”

His bit?

Gwaine paused in front of the empty stall while Elyan gathered what they would need for a post-ride grooming. “I hear it’s your birthday,” Gwaine said to Daegal, and then before Daegal could explain that it wasn’t, exactly, Gwaine handed Daegal the little leather bag. “There’s for you, then.”

Daegal, surprised, loosened the cinched string at the top of the pouch and tipped the contents into his other hand. Out tumbled four dice, the smoothly-carved cubes clacking against one another as they fell into Daegal’s palm.

Daegal looked up at Gwaine, confused.

“I thought you could use them,” Gwaine said.

“For what?”

Gwaine grinned and exchanged a knowing look with Merlin. “My bit.”

Daegal stared at at the dice in his hand, then snapped his gaze up to Merlin, suddenly seized by a burst of excitement. “Are we - ”

Merlin held up a finger. “On three conditions,” he declared, obviously trying not to smile.

Daegal closed his fingers tightly around the dice, trying not to appear too eager.

“One: you’re going to untack and groom your mount. The stablehands will do that for you, when you ride out with our party, but she’s your responsibility. You have to know how to take care of her.”

Daegal had no objections to that. He already loved this horse better than anything he’d ever owned.

“Two: weak drinks only.”

We’ll see, Gwaine mouthed behind Merlin.

“Three - ” Merlin held up a third finger. “You leave when I leave. Will’s right about the after-curfew crowd. That’s a sort of trouble you don’t need.” He looked expectantly at Daegal. “Agreed?”

“Agreed.” Daegal nodded fervently. “Is it - who’s coming?”

“Everybody!” Elyan supplied happily, uncinching the horse’s girth. “You saved our king. We owe you a night out.”

Merlin, who had perhaps understood Daegal’s question better, said, “Everybody who likes drinks and dicing and general uproar.”

This statement prompted appreciative, anticipatory grins from Gwaine and Elyan, and Daegal refrained from asking any follow-up questions, having understood the answer perfectly well. He had been working with Merlin long enough to know that if there were one thing Will avoided more assiduously than King Arthur, it was large groups of loud people losing their heads over absolutely nothing.

“Let’s get started, then,” Gwaine said. “D’you think you can untack this beast and learn the rules to Hazard at the same time?”

Daegal stuffed the dice into his pocket and grasped the bridle’s noseband buckle. “I can try.”

Gwaine grinned wolfishly. “That’s just what I like to hear.”

They ended up staying a bit later than they’d intended.

By the time Merlin finally had the sense to bring the evening to a close, Daegal had turned the single half-penny he had started with into several silver pieces (“Alchemy!” Gwaine had proclaimed triumphantly, knocking his cup into Daegal’s so that some of the drink had sloshed over), and Daegal had become very popular with some of the tavern regulars, who were beyond tickled to see a seventeen year-old boy flatten strangers’ smug expectations of victory. Daegal had not won every time, of course, but he had gotten extremely lucky at several critical moments and had at the very end miraculously thrown his chance number twice, after the odds had already been declared heavily against him (and thus after the other players had upped their contribution to Daegal’s stake with the expectation that he would lose).

Merlin had pulled Daegal from the game after that, sitting him back down at the knights’ table, which was piled high with food and drink. “First lesson,” he’d said, offering Daegal a very watered-down ale, “and one you won’t learn from Gwaine - quit while you’re ahead.”

They had stayed for a long time after that, socializing and eating their fill, until Merlin had finally seemed to take notice of the time (or perhaps of the slightly seedy-looking characters who had started to wander in through the back entrance). Merlin, at that point, had prompted Daegal to gather his winnings, say his goodbyes, and make his exit, pursued by a chorus of enthusiastic farewells from the knights, none of whom showed any sign of abandoning their seats anytime soon.

Stepping out into the night air was like diving into a frozen moat. Daegal drew his cloak tighter around his torso as he and Merlin wound their way through the town. The Rising Sun’s interior had been as stiflingly hot as its namesake, overflowing with a press of bodies and thrumming with a constant cacophony of conversation, and even from the outside its closed shutters leaked driblets of light and noise, as if the building were bursting at the seams. The town, by contrast, was stone-silent and frigid, everybody shut up in their homes waiting for the weak light of morning.

“You did well,” Merlin said, as they approached the citadel. “You’re sure you’ve never played Hazard before?”

Daegal shook his head. His mother would never have let him, before, and after -

He pushed that thought away, watching his breath mist in front of his face. He’d never had enough money to gamble with after that, that was all.

“You weren’t helping me, were you?” Daegal asked Merlin.

“No, you got lucky.” Merlin chuckled. “The look on that fellow’s face...”

Daegal smiled faintly, remembering. Daegal had taken rather a lot of money from a beefy, belligerent fellow who had been bothering everybody all night, which had resulted in a vastly improved tavern experience for all when the man had stormed out in a rage, and which had also earned a round of free drinks for Daegal’s table. “He wasn’t too pleased, was he?”

“No, he wasn’t. Not quite the sort of evening he was expecting to have, I don’t think.”

They walked on, approaching the retracted drawbridge, and detoured to the parallel pedestrian crossing instead, passing through the smaller door to the bridge’s left and entering the courtyard, Merlin offering a hello to the familiar guards as they went.

“How does it feel to be older?” Merlin asked, as they crossed the darkened square.

Daegal shrugged. “I don’t know. The same, I suppose.”

But that wasn’t exactly true, Daegal thought, as they entered the base of the North Tower. Last year, things had been very different. A few months ago, he could never have dreamed of the sort of day he’d been having today. And now -

He hesitated at the bottom of the stair leading to the physician’s chambers. Merlin, oblivious to the fact that Daegal was not right behind him, kept climbing.

“Why are you doing all this?” Daegal asked. His voice sounded strange in his own ears, or maybe that was just a function of the echo in the hollow space, his words bouncing off the stone shell on either side of him.

Merlin turned around, surprised to see Daegal still standing at the bottom of the stairs. “All what?”

Daegal made an uncertain gesture. “This. All these things today...I don’t understand.”

“It’s your birthday,” Merlin said, as if that made any sense at all.

“It’s not, though,” Daegal said. “Even if it were, I don’t see - I mean, it doesn’t matter.” He shrugged uncomfortably. “Who cares?”

Merlin stared levelly at Daegal. “I do,” he said.

A long silence ensued. Daegal could not possibly have formulated a reply to this even if he’d known what to say, but Merlin did not ask him to respond, instead descending a few steps and putting a hand on Daegal’s elbow, nudging him up the staircase. “Come on,” he said quietly. “It’s late.”

Daegal followed him without a word, stunned and silent, seven stories straight up.

“Isn’t it a bit past your bedtime, old man?” Merlin said, immediately upon opening the doors to the physician’s chambers.

Daegal, trailing behind, thought this was a very unusual way for Merlin to address Gaius, but as he peered around Merlin’s shoulder, he realized it was not Gaius to whom Merlin was speaking, but Will, who was sitting by the little hearthfire at the left of the room with his feet propped up on a stool.

“No,” Will replied, though he did look like he was ready to doze off. “It might be a bit past Arthur’s, though.”

Merlin swore and stopped dead in the doorway. “He sent somebody up?”

“Several somebodies.”

“What did you tell them?

Will waved an unconcerned hand. “I don’t remember.”

“Will - ”

“Isn’t he waiting for you to turn down his sheets or something?”

“Did you tell them I was at the tavern?”

Will smirked.

Merlin, cursing under his breath, took Daegal by the upper arms and maneuvered him into the room. “Drink some water. Kip on the patient cot - you’re up early collecting pots with Gaius tomorrow; you might as well sleep here.” He tore off his outerwear and dumped it on a table. “You,” he said to Will, “on the other hand, can go home, you ass.”

Will tipped his chair back, cupping a hand to his ear. “What’s that? ‘Have my bed, William’? All right, if you say so.”

Merlin flashed Will a rude gesture before tearing out of the room. Daegal caught the door before it could slam and closed it carefully, so as not to disturb Gaius, who was sleeping behind the screens that had been drawn around his corner.

Will rose from his seat with a yawn, stretching. “So you had your evening out at last.”

Daegal did not answer him, his mind still trapped back there in the stairwell with Merlin. I do, he heard again, as he struggled to untie his cloak. I do.

“Was it everything you thought it would be?”

Daegal managed to undo the knot, his fingers clumsy with cold. He pulled his cloak from his shoulders and folded it slowly, first in half, then in fours, and then laid it aside before doing the same with Merlin’s rumpled jacket, single-mindedly focused on his task.

“I hope you at least took something off Gwaine. Fellow’s too cocky for his own good.”

Daegal, out of things to fold, stared at his hands. Will came closer, scrutinizing Daegal in the low light. “How much did you have to drink?”

Daegal stuck his hands into his pockets, avoiding Will’s gaze. Not much, was the true answer, but he couldn’t find the words.

He fingered the coins in his pocket, the silver pieces cold and clinking against one another.

“Oi,” Will said, frowning. He tipped Daegal’s chin up to see his eyes. “You all right in there?”

Morgana had given Daegal a sack of coins just like this, once.

Daegal yanked his hands out of his pockets as if he had been burned, jerking back from Will’s fingers.

“This is wrong,” he blurted out.

Will blinked at him. “Sorry?”

“I can’t do this. It’s - I can’t. It’s not right.”

“What isn’t?”

“Everything! The birthday, the money, the tavern, the riding - ” Daegal's voice was rising, but he could not rein himself in. He had been trying to tell this to someone all day. “The horse, the land, breakfast - ”

Will stared at him, confounded. “Breakfast?”

Daegal struggled mightily not to holler in frustration. Will, of all people, ought to have understood, but it appeared he was committed to being just as obtuse as everyone else. “Yes! I don’t deserve it; it isn’t right - ”

Will’s eyebrows shot up. He did not give Daegal another chance to wake Gaius, but planted a hand on Daegal’s shoulder and spun him around, muttering, “Go,” in a low voice, pushing Daegal away from Gaius’s sleeping area in the direction of Merlin’s chambers. Daegal allowed himself to be marched up the little staircase, Will following, until they were both in Merlin’s room, the small chamber chilly and cloaked with shadows, lit only by a single hanging candle.

Closing the door, Will turned back to Daegal. “Start over,” he commanded.

Daegal whipped out Arthur’s envelope. “The King - he gave me a land grant.”

Will snatched the piece of parchment out of Daegal’s hand, scanning it briefly. “So?” he said, discarding the envelope onto Merlin’s desk. “He can afford it.”

“But it’s - ”

“Nothing he’ll miss.”

“But - ”

“But what?”

“The Queen - ”

“What about her?”

“She gave me a horse.”

Will shrugged. “And?”

“It’s too much! I can’t - ”

“Are you planning to thank her for it?”

“Yes.”

“You’re going to take care of it?”

“Of course!”

“Then what’s the trouble? She wanted you to have it.”

“She gave it to me for the wrong reasons!” Daegal exclaimed frustratedly. “She kept saying I helped her, but I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even know she needed help. I thought she wanted the throne for herself - ”

“You stopped her killing her husband,” Will said, interrupting. “You saved his life.”

“I didn’t save him. I almost killed him. I’m the reason he needed help in the first place. But all of them are acting like - ” Daegal thought back to earlier that night, to Elyan, who had shown Daegal how to calculate Hazard odds in his head; to Leon, who had spoken to Daegal like one of the adults; to Percival, who had taught Daegal the less savory lyrics to the tavern’s favorite drinking songs; and to Gwaine, who had murmured advice in Daegal’s ear while Daegal cast his dice. “They kept saying I’d done their job for them. They - ”

A horrible, hollow feeling bloomed in Daegal’s chest, strangling his voice. He pulled the coins out of his pocket and dumped them onto Merlin’s desk, not wanting to carry that cold weight for another moment. “They don’t know me. They don’t know what I’m like.”

Will watched him closely, his eyes narrowing. “What are you like?”

Daegal shook his head and sank down onto Merlin’s bed, staring at the floor. He didn’t want to say it. He shouldn’t need to say it. Will already knew the whole story; Daegal shouldn’t have needed to retread all the ugly details.

Will folded his arms, leaning back against the top of Merlin’s desk. The single candle did very little to illuminate his set expression, but the moonlight in the window behind him threaded his silhouette with silver.

“I shouldn’t have said anything about my birthday,” Daegal murmured, his voice thick. “I should have just kept it quiet. That’s what you do, isn’t it?”

Will frowned. “Who said that?”

“Merlin. When I didn’t mention my birthday - he said you were - well, he said we were two of a kind.”

Will shook his head. “I don’t hide my birthday.”

“I think you must,” Daegal said stubbornly, returning to his intense inspection of the floorboards. “Because I don’t even know when it is.”

“Neither do I.”

Daegal looked up, surprised. “What?”

“I don’t know when my birthday is.”

“Why - ”

Will lifted a finger repressively, and Daegal realized he was not going to be getting that part of the story tonight, or maybe ever. “It doesn’t matter,” Will said. “I don’t care. I don’t fancy it much, anyhow. It’s nothing to me. Merlin, though - ” He gestured at the room around them, at the mussed bedclothes and the stacked manuscripts and the sketched diagrams pasted to the walls. “He doesn’t like it when I say things like that. It bothers him. He’s got ideas about how these things are supposed to be done, and he thinks it’s wrong, not telling me happy birthday, even if I’d rather he just left it alone.”

Daegal had no trouble believing it, if Merlin’s reaction to Daegal’s skipped birthday were anything to go by. “But then - ” Daegal frowned. “He mustn’t know when your birthday is, either.”

“My birthday,” Will said, in a long-suffering way, “is whenever Merlin decides he wants it to be. He comes crawling into my cott at some godsforsaken hour of the morning on whatever personally convenient day he’s picked that year, and then he yanks me out of bed and feeds me too much food and drags me all over creation doing the sort of things he thinks I’ll like doing. I’ve been telling him to drop it for more years than you’ve been alive, but he never listens. It doesn’t matter how much I whinge about it. He never forgets. He can’t help himself. He thinks it’s important, telling people he’s happy they were born, even if they don’t think being born was such a fantastic thing themselves.”

Will gestured at Daegal. “If you’re going to be one of his people now, you’re going to have to get used to that. You don’t have to like it, but you’ve got to understand it. That’s who he is. That’s how he treats people. He won’t give you a pass on birthday fuss just because you don’t think you’re worth fussing over. He’s not built that way.”

Daegal heard Merlin’s words again, echoing against the frozen stones of the stairwell. Who cares? Daegal had asked.

I do.

He twisted his fingers together. Out in the physician’s chamber proper, Gaius was snoring.

“It’s not just Merlin, though,” Daegal said finally, in a soft voice. “Everybody - all of them are doing too much.”

“Too much how?”

“They keep thanking me. But the gifts are - I didn’t earn them. I don’t deserve them.”

“Who told you that?”

“I don’t need anyone to tell me; I know.” Daegal stared at Will, helpless to explain why Will’s inability to accept this simple truth made him feel so utterly lost at sea. “I don’t understand this. You’re the one who kept saying I did something wrong.”

“You did do something wrong,” Will replied, as if this entire line of discussion were so obvious that it did not need to be examined. “But you did something right, too.”

“I - ”

Will held up a hand. “Who was it nearly got themselves killed saving Pendragon’s gleaming hide? Who was it betrayed Morgana?”

“Me, but - ”

“Who was it came back to save Merlin’s life?”

“From something I did to him in the first place.”

“From something Morgana did to him,” Will corrected.

“I helped,” Daegal retorted. “You’re always saying - you said I need to take responsibility.”

“You do,” Will said. “For all your choices. Not just the shyte ones.” He gestured at the door, back towards the rest of the castle. “You saved two lives. You nearly got yourself killed doing it. That’s what they’re all thanking you for. It’s not about what you did for yourself; it’s what you did for everyone else, when you didn’t have to. You didn’t have to come back for Merlin. You didn’t have to follow him to Camelot. You could have just taken Morgana’s money and run.”

“I tried,” Daegal confessed, his mouth very dry. “I tried. I couldn’t do it.”

“Why not?” Will said, as if he already knew the answer.

“I just - couldn’t.” Daegal remembered it with a nightmarish clarity, hesitating in the thickness of the undergrowth as the encroaching night muddled his vision, knowing that Merlin was suffocating at the bottom of a muddy ravine where no one would ever find his body. “I felt like something was going to swallow me. I would’ve rather died than felt like that all the time.”

“That’s because you know what’s right and what’s wrong,” Will said, as if he had been waiting for Daegal to say this all along. “And you chose right.”

“I chose wrong first.”

Will shook his head. “Lots of people choose wrong first. Doesn’t mean that what you choose next doesn’t matter.”

Daegal played with the hem of his sleeve, wrapping a fraying thread around his finger. Will pushed himself up from the desk and dragged Merlin’s chair over to a spot across from Daegal, then sat down. “Listen here,” he said. “I can’t say I’d be too pleased to get a load of gifts that I didn’t think I ought to have, either. But you can’t give them back, and you can’t convince people that you don’t deserve them, either.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’ve got to just smile, and say thank you, and do your best to be worthy of everyone’s gifts.”

Daegal absorbed this, nodding slowly. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are,” Will said. “And so does everyone else.” Will met Daegal’s gaze unflinchingly, his outline illuminated at the edges by the moon at his back. “Don’t you ever tell me that lot doesn’t know what you’re like. They know it better than you do.”

Daegal swallowed, not trusting himself to speak.

“Now then,” Will said, linking his hands behind the back of his chair and stretching out his arms. “This is rubbish timing, but you’ve got to start practicing sometime, so let’s just get it over with.” He withdrew a thin, utensil-sized package from his pocket, extending it to Daegal. “Don’t have a crisis, now.”

“Oh - no - ” Daegal moaned.

“Oi,” Will warned. “What’ve we just talked about?”

Daegal took the parcel.

“Smile and say thank you,” Will prompted, when Daegal did not say anything right away.

Daegal managed a wobbly smile, and an even wobblier thank you, which Will, to Daegal’s very great relief, chose not to comment upon.

Daegal untied the parcel. The cloth casing fell away, revealing a short and sturdy pocketknife encased in a plain leather sheath. Daegal picked it up and turned it over in his hands, knowing immediately that Will had carved the handle himself. It fit into Daegal’s hand as if it had been moulded from a plaster cast, and it was the only part of the knife sporting any decoration, inscribed as it was with an angular script that Daegal could not read in this light. Daegal removed the sheath and found that the blade had been sharpened to a dangerous edge, the point glinting in the moonlight.

“Elyan did that bit,” Will said. “It ought to hold an edge better than what you have now.”

“No more mashing seed pods,” Daegal murmured.

“Exactly.”

Daegal ran a finger over the symbols carved into the handle. He hadn’t learned all his letters yet, but he thought he ought to have been able to recognize a few of them, at least. “What’s this writing?”

“Oh, that,” Will said, as if he had almost forgotten. “It’s spelled.”

“Spelled?”

“Magicked. Against slips. To spare your fingers.” Will waggled his own fingers in the air, and Daegal had to laugh a little.

“Merlin?”

Will’s face took on a thoughtful look. “No, actually.” He pointed at the unfamiliar runes, his tone becoming more serious. “Mordred says that if you’re going to exploit his people for personal gain, then you’re going to learn something about the culture.”

Daegal froze. A chill ran through him. He had never even considered -

He gripped the inscribed handle with sweaty fingers, mortified. “He’s angry with me.”

“No,” Will said. “I don’t think so, at least. It’s hard to tell with that fellow.”

At Daegal’s dismayed look, Will added, “He offered to spell the thing himself, at least, so I can’t imagine he’s too upset with you. But he has every right to be, you realize that?”

Daegal nodded quickly.

“You’re going to go and see him,” Will said, his voice calm, but his tone brooking no argument. “And you’re going to apologize, and you’re going to listen to whatever it is he wants to tell you. You understand?”

“Yes,” Daegal said quickly. “I’ll do it.” He glanced at the door.

“Not now,” Will clarified. “Tomorrow. He might not be angry just yet, but he will be if you yank him out of bed a few hours before he’s supposed to be on patrol.”

Daegal’s shoulders sagged. Will was right, but Daegal could not stand the thought of waiting. Yet another guilt-monster was chewing a hole in his stomach, and he was starting to think those gnawing teeth would never let him sleep. He recalled, suddenly, with a fresh wave of horror, the outrage on Merlin’s face when Daegal’s falsified triskele had smeared away, how tightly Merlin’s fingers had dug into Daegal’s wrist.

Here was one more stupid thing Daegal had done. One more person he’d injured. One more wrongheaded decision.

His eyes drifted longingly towards the door again.

“No,” Will said, shaking his head. “You made that bed, now you lie in it for one night.”

Daegal sighed, and Will’s tone softened. “You’ll make it right in the morning,” he said.

Daegal traced one of the Druidic runes with a finger. He supposed that was the best he could do.

Will stood up and beckoned for Daegal to join him. “Listen,” he said, pushing Merlin’s chair back under the desk. “It’s late. I don’t want you up all night brooding over this, all right?”

“All right,” Daegal said, but he had a feeling he was in for yet another night of lying awake under a blanket of guilt he had woven for himself.

“And - not that this needs to be said, but let’s not tell anyone you’ve got a magic pocketknife, all right? Pendragon will think I’ve been messing about with enchantments behind his back, and he’ll have me booted out of this kingdom faster than you can say insufferable bastard.”

“But you don’t have - ”

“Yes, I do,” Will reminded Daegal, giving him a significant look. “And that’s exactly what you’re going to tell people, if anybody starts asking questions.” He opened Merlin’s door, ushering Daegal through it. “But let’s not give folk a reason to ask, all right? Otherwise the next person trying to kill the king might be me, because if Pendragon wants me out of this place he’s going to have to execute me and exile my corpse, no matter if I did sign a stupid promise ‘renouncing the practice of magic in all its forms,’ or whatever other rubbish that idiot asked me to agree to.”

Daegal followed Will across the main chamber, watching while Will pulled on his outerwear. “I’m guessing he never gave you a land grant, then?”

Will burst into laughter, leaning heavily on the door handle. He only remembered to clap a hand over his mouth when a slumbering Gaius snorted and rolled over. “Oh, lor,” he wheezed, trying to recover himself. “Don’t do that to me.”

Daegal smiled sheepishly. Will straightened up, his eyes creased with pure, undisciplined mirth. “You won’t let all those fancy presents go to your head, now, will you?”

“I won’t,” Daegal promised. “But - about Arthur’s gift, though. I don’t actually know what to do with a plot of land.”

“Neither does Arthur,” Will said, rolling his eyes. “But I do, and so does Merlin. We’ll work it out together, all right?”

“All right,” Daegal said, as Will unlatched the door. “Erm. Will - ”

“Yeah.”

Smile and say thank you. “Thank you,” Daegal said, trying on a smile for size, hoping it did not falter too much at the corners. “For the knife, and - everything else.”

Will regarded him in that way of his that was very off-putting when you did not want to be read like a book but somehow oddly useful when you were trying to communicate something unspoken. “You’re welcome,” Will said finally, surprising Daegal by reaching out and mussing his hair. “See? You’ve got the hang of things already.”

Will turned to go, but when he reached the top of the staircase he paused, glancing back. “And, listen - ” he said, his voice low enough not to wake Gaius, but somehow warm enough to push back the December chill. “Whether you like it or not - happy birthday, lad.”

Daegal sat tucked away in one of the window nooks, his cloak wrapped around him like a blanket and the glass casement leaching heat away from his side. Merlin was long since abed, and Gaius’s muffled snores filled the main chamber, a soft drone of sound behind the screens. Outside, the moon hung chubby and ovoid in the sky, like a pale seed on a black field of soil, like the bulbs Daegal would plant in his new garden, which was out there somewhere, nestled in the farming fields of the Sprawl.

He rubbed his thumb over the unfamiliar runes carved into the handle of his birthday blade. His sixteen year-old self would have thrown that knife away, just to be safe. There would have been no reason for him to believe that someone he’d injured would ever magick a gift for him just to be helpful, and sixteen year-old Daegal would have assumed that the spell “to spare his fingers” was in fact a curse to make sure they all fell off.

But seventeen year-old Daegal was determined not to think like that anymore. He was not going to think the worst of everyone who tried to help him, and he was not going to throw away gifts, whether he thought he deserved them or not. He was going to smile, and say thank you, and do his best to be worthy of what he’d been given.

He leaned his forehead against the cold glass, looking down at the flickering lights on the city walls and the dark countryside beyond. The Sprawl’s rolling jumble of cottages and fields melted into a shadowy sea of forest, and far away, the looming bulk of the White Mountains towered over the skyline, the peaks’ black silhouettes only distinguishable at this hour by an absence of stars.

It was a very big world, Daegal thought, following the craggy outline of the range with his eyes. And he had made plenty of bad decisions blundering around within its borders, that was certain. But there was something beautiful about it still, even in the dead of winter.

And it was not nearly as bleak as it had appeared to be, this time last year.

Seventeen was going to be different, Daegal told himself. Like Merlin always said. It won’t always be like this. Things will be better. Daegal could make them better. He had chosen wrong first, but he could choose right next. He could choose right from now on. He had made a mistake, but he could make it right in the morning.

And tonight - tonight, it was still his birthday.

It isn’t, his sixteen year-old self snapped.

“It is,” Daegal said. “It’s my birthday.”

Who cares, the voice scoffed.

Daegal wrapped his fingers around his unearned mark of forgiveness, the grooves of the rune-etched handle imprinting themselves into his skin. “I do,” he said firmly, putting every ounce of conviction he had behind the words. “I do.”

His younger self shut its mouth.

Daegal smiled slightly. “Happy birthday to me,” he murmured, and was surprised to find that for the first time in a long time, he actually meant it.

Curled up against the window, he tucked his knife against his side and fixed his eyes on the horizon, settling in to wait for the sun.

#bbc merlin gen #fic #also fyi i know we haven't discussed the broader worldstate of this AU and you're welcome to change anything i chose to use here #but just for the purposes of this particular fic - lancelot did still die; but elyan did not #because i don't acknowledge writing decisions that had no narrative integrity 🙃#the once and future slowburn #verse: offcut joinery #the physician's apprentice #no kings no masters

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worangetraveler-multiverseguide · 3 years ago

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Looking at 315 with... probably no context?

It’s been a while... but between this episode being translated late AND having busy and chaotic week at work all was delayed to the point I’ll have to make 316 right after this (but since they dont seem to be connected lets have them in separate posts) with all that said? This is Future Worange checking 250 chapter into the future of Komi san can’t communicate cause I need the dating seratonin okay?

Although this time seems that won’t apply, only 1 way to find out

“Congratulations on graduation” as a Vtuber fan this is triggering me!!!! (JOKING... for the most part)

Oh new person? We have had moments in the past with new sidecharacters taking the spotlight for a moment so this should be interesting

Emotional crybaby? Can relate! Emotional over school graduation? ... meh

Okay I’m confused: are you trying to NOT get emotional or get SUPER emotional since this is YOUR graduation? Whichever the case interesting training sequence

So Shiki is the embodiment of

Dance party during the Principal’s speech? okaaaaay? Rapping Principal? AWFUL AS HELL ROBOT DANCE?... why wasnt MY gradution like that? xD

We see who came up with this, and I dont know her but I love her already and can already feel bad since she might be gone :c

... WHY IS KOMI GIVING THE FAREWELL SPEECH!?!?!?!?!

And more importantly... can she do it? I know nowadays she IS more talkative, but still...

I forgot your name but I know you’re not Oda... WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU LIVE IN THE PROVERBIAL 4TH WALL!?!?!?!?!?!

But they’re right, Komi said nothing yet most students had an emperor’s clothes situation where they hallucinated whatever Komi’s speech was

Oh so NOW Shiki wants to cry at the right time... but the situation has been so ridiculous she is unable to... you can’t control the die YOU CAN’T CONTROL THE CRY!

HOLY SHIT NETSUNO IS STILL ALIVE!?!?!??! Also tanner for some reason? (also her hair is still on fire wtf?)

Internal struggle but denied and Netsuno is ready to give the speech

And suddenly an armwrestling match for WHO gives the final speech... because off course I guess?

Look Shiki I get those are the wrong tears but you can’t deny this shit’s funny and should make a heck of a parting memory xD

spent the last 5 minutes trying to search a graduation song in heavy metal... sadly I fail... this is not even close but is in my head now so take it

youtube

So yeah... the ceremony was weird af and poor Shiki now is dead inside (and outside probably)

And here is were my lack of knowledge makes me miss the weight of the situation... although at face value it is interesting to see... a passing on the torch (Past Worange, remember to give this scene the weight it deserves when the time comes)

(also I think I saw it mentioned somewhere but Agari is saying goodbye to the library gorilla lady... THAT is so weird yet slightly emotional with as little as I know)

And as Shiki is leaving the scene Komi comes crossing and by mistake blocking her exit, totally a coincidence as tiny corner dude says (WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!?) But... heh... an oldie but a goodie. Reinterpreting Komi’s existence to serve your own story...

Shiki basically used the random situation to let her feeling come forth and admit this silly school was fun and she doesnt wanna leave (I can’t relate but good for her... I guess?)

And so all he 3rd years got emotional and cheered Shiki on...

It’s a perfectly fine chapter, I’m just probably missing a bit of its weight due to the skipping but even then it was a fun chapter with shenanigans and just that right amount of lingering melancholy

ALSO as much as I’m here for the TAKO, I AM GLAD we still gonna get more unrelated to that shenanigans (which this is the first since chapter 302 so...)

See you... in a couple minutes when we go to see if White Day becomes as long as Valentine’s (also this means Komi and Tadano have been dating for almost a month WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

#komi san wa komyushou desu #komi san can't communicate #future worange from beyond mountain 302 #chapter 315 #worangetraveler-multiverseguide

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snowdice · 4 years ago

Text

Little Kestrel (Actual Part 13)[Birds of Different Feathers Series]

I messed up and published chapter 14 as chapter 13. This is the actual chapter 13 and what I put out yesterday is chapter 14. I guess you get a bonus update this week. XD

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan & Patton & Virgil (future Virgil/Patton but not in this story)

Characters:

Main: Logan, Patton, Virgil

Appear: Thomas

Mentioned: Janus

Summary:

It was supposed to be a quick job either way. Either Virgil would assassinate King Thomas of Prijaznia or he’d be caught and get executed. Yet, when Virgil gets the wrong bedroom and gets caught by Prince Logan and his future royal advisor, Patton, the job ends up getting way more complicated for the 14-year-old. He also ends up sleeping in a (actually pretty comfortable) closet for a few weeks…

Notes: Implied/referenced child abuse, assassination attempt, knives, torture mentioned, captivity, teenagers being really dumb

This is a prequel to Kill Dear. I wrote it 100 words at a time on my blog, but this is the edited version. If you want to see how it was crafted, look at the tag proofread stories.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 is this one Part 14 because I messed up and published that chapter first on accident.

Logan was able to quickly set up the station for making protection charms. Patton had always liked making them, though he often used his more as fun accessories than for protection. The one he was going to show Virgil how to make was a very simple low level one used for little more than to keep bugs off of yourself and, in the event of a well-made one, alert one to imminent danger by changing temperature. It was a nice thing to hold in the middle of the night if one was frightened by real or imagined threats. It would be warm to the touch when one’s environment was safe; he thought Virgil might appreciate it.

He and Patton decided to wait until Virgil woke up naturally which only took about 30 minutes. Then, Logan brought him to his set-up supplies. He explained briefly the process for making a protection charm. “I will be the one performing the enchantment for today,” he told Virgil. “I will show you how to make your own later, but I thought seeing how to make them would help with the learning process.”

“Plus, it’s fun!” Patton said.

Logan flashed a smile at him. “And that as well. I’ve prepared a small number of possible pendants for you to choose from. You can choose the shape and color, then we will put on a custom engraving, as well as decorations.”

“Glitter! Glitter! Glitter! Glitter!”

“Yes, Patton, everyone knows you’re going to choose glitter,” Logan said, amused, “but why don’t we let Virgil decide for his own pendant?”

“Fine,” Patton said, “but mine will be glitter.”

Logan grabbed the box of blank pendants and offered it to Virgil. “Choose whichever one feels right,” he suggested. Virgil moved forward and looked over the box. “You can touch them,” Logan said. “In fact, I would suggest it as it is meant to be held when it’s done, and you may as well get a feel for it.”

At his prompting, Virgil did. He reached into the box and shifted a few to the side. Eventually, he started picking a few up. “I like the crescent shape for holding the most,” he said, holding a blue one up, “but I don’t know.”

“What’s your favorite color?” Patton asked.

“Oh, um,” he mumbled. “I dunno.”

“Well here,” Patton said, reaching for the box. He dug through it and pulled out every single crescent moon shaped pendant and lined them up. “What do you fancy?”

Virgil considered them all for a long moment and then tentatively pointed the purple one out.

“Great!” Patton said. “Then, we’ll use that one.”

Virgil nodded and Patton picked up the pendant to drop it into his hands. His fingers curled over the shape and he seemed satisfied by the choice, so Logan turned to Patton. “Your turn,” he said.

Patton happily grabbed out a heart shaped blue one, but then paused and exchanged it for a purple one. “We match!” he said.

Virgil smiled slightly at his enthusiasm, and Logan dug out a blue crescent moon shape for himself. “Now that you have your base, you get to choose the engraving.” He opened up the instruction book to the correct page and showed it to him.

Virgil looked over the two pages of designs with careful focus. He wavered between the spiral sun and the flames for a moment, but eventually settled on the flames. Patton chose the interlocking hearts design as anticipated; it was his favorite, and Logan chose the spiral sun design for himself.

“Now, I’m going to engrave this design onto yours,” Logan said getting out the thin pen like instrument and dipping it into the slightly glowing bottle of potion he’d set out. “In the meantime, Patton will show you what we have for decorations.”

He was careful to get the symbol as perfect as he could and then started on Patton’s. Patton apparently managed to corrupt the boy because both of them came back with brushes and glitter to add as decoration.

Logan shook his head and handed them their freshly engraved pendants. “Apply the glitter how you like,” Logan said, moving on to his own engraving. Once he was finished, he selected some glow in the dark paint to decorate his own.

Once he’d finished decorating his own pendant, Logan looked up. “Are you finished?” he asked.

“Yep!” Patton said, shoving his pendant at Logan while Virgil nodded. Virgil had been far less enthusiastic than Patton, having carefully brushed glitter into the flame design only whereas Patton had haphazardly covered his own all over with glitter. Logan took both pendants.

“This,” Logan said, bringing over a different potion, “is used to make sure the decorations never fall off. It basically allows the other substances to become a part of the stone. “It isn’t too dangerous, but I’d suggest you stand back for the moment.”

Virgil stepped back farther back than was strictly necessary and gave the potion bottle a wary look. Logan moved all three pendants to the prepared surface (else they ran the risk of also getting stuck to the table) and put on gloves, having learned that magically gluing rocks to ones hands was not fun years ago. Then, he carefully drizzled a bit of the potion onto each rock. The rocks fizzled loudly, and Virgil gave off a startled yelp before toppling over flat on his face with his wrist glued to his sides.

“Oh no, honey,” Patton said immediately crouching next to him. “I’m sorry. We should have warned you about the noise.”

Logan wasn’t sure what type of action he’d tried to take when the sound started up, but whatever it was, it had caused him to move his arms fast enough that he’d activated the binding potion and it snapped his wrists to his side, overbalancing him.

Patton’s hands hovered over the startled boy, but he didn’t touch. After a few moments, it was clear that the magic keeping Virgil’s hands at his side released because his hands slowly crept forward to push himself up, so his face wasn’t planted against the ground. His eyes still looked incredibly startled.

“Are you alright?” Patton asked.

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.

Logan took his words as permission to move without risking startling him more. Virgil’s eyes bopped back and forth between him and Patton a few times as he crossed to his wall of potions and grabbed one.

He also selected a clean cloth from a basket on his way over to them. “A light healing potion,” Logan explained as he knelt in front of Virgil. He uncorked it. “May I?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil said with a frown. “I’m not even bleeding. It’s barely anything.”

“Which is why it’s a light healing potion,” Logan said. “You are sure to bruise with the way you hit. This will prevent it and make it stop hurting.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed after a moment. Logan dribbled a bit out onto the rag. After a moment of thought, he touched the damp part of the cloth with his own finger, just to quash any fears that it would harm him.

“It will tingle slightly,” Logan warned. Virgil tilted his head to let him dab it onto his nose and the light scrape on his face. His nose scrunched up and he moved to rub the sensation away quickly only to have his arms slam back to his sides.

Patton caught him so the sudden involuntary movement didn’t cause him to fall back, and then giggled when Virgil titled his head to what could only be described as pout back at him.

“Aw, poor thing,” Patton cooed, reaching forward to rub a hand across the top of his nose and then his forehead where the potion had been applied for him.

“Better?” Patton asked.

“You’re really bad at this being captors thing,” Virgil commenting, willingly leaning back into Patton. Patton just smiled happily.

Logan took the bottle and got to his feet, before returning it, and then glanced at the pendants as Patton helped Virgil to his feet. The pendants had stopped fizzing, so Logan felt okay reaching in and grabbing them all.

He handed both Patton and Virgil their pendants when they walked closer to the table.

“And now for the actual enchantment,” Logan said. “For today, I already prepared the potion up to the last step as it has to sit for a few hours, but I will show you the last step and eventually teach you everything if you are still interested.”

Virgil nodded, but said. “No more noises?”

Logan smiled. “No more noises,” he confirmed. Then he pushed forward all of the ingredients he was about to put in the pot for Virgil to study one by one before putting them each in it in the correct order. Then, he demonstrated how to stir it correctly and told him how many times, though he doubted he’d be able to retain all of the information from this one demonstration. “There,” he said, setting down his spoon. “Now we just all put our pendants into the pot, and they should be ready in 25 minutes.”

Logan showed Virgil around his potion’s lab while they waited, explaining what certain pieces of equipment did and a bit about his organization system. Virgil followed him around, looking at the things he pointed out curiously. He, however, got very distracted when Logan showed him one of the experiments he’d concocted. It was a thick liquid that was super attracted to itself and would form a small ball that could be disturbed by touching it. He seemed to like the sensation of squishing it down onto a table… over and over and over again.

“We should get him a ball of yarn,” Patton said out of the corner of his mouth. He may have been enjoying watching Virgil play with the substance more than Virgil was enjoying playing with it himself. And that was saying something.

Eventually, however, the pendants were finished, and he dragged Virgil away from his new toy to show him the finished product.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“Is it supposed to be warm?” Virgil inquired.

“Yes,” Logan replied. “It’s temperature changes based on if the magic on it senses a threat or not. Warmer temperatures mean you are safe.

“Oh,” Virgil said softly, hand squeezing around it. “I like it.”

Logan found himself smiling. “I’m glad. It’s yours.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“If you would like, I’m sure Patton has some suggestions if you’d desire a way to keep it attached to your person. He in particular likes to make them into necklaces or clip them to his clothing.”

Virgil looked over at Patton and nodded shyly. Patton immediately perked up. “I’ll go get some supplies!” he said.

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 14 Part 15

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #character thomas #virgil sanders #little kestrel #adriana writes #birds of different feathers #not pieces fic #implied/referenced child abuse #assassination attempt #knives #torture mentioned #captivity

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redxblueihateloveyou · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! I really like your blog. Your analysis posts about ships or other things are really interesting and your gifsets are super cute! I have just finished reading your two anime recommendation posts and I was wondering if you plan to write a third one about the remaining animes you like? I would LOVE to read it.

Hi:) Thank you so much! Haha these were more like “bromance anime recommendations” lists. I’m glad you liked them romances. Here’s part 1 and part 2 :)

14. Hakkenden Touhou Hakken Ibun.

The relationship of the couple in this anime are one of the best on so many levels. They’re one of those “even the darkest part of me can’t hurt you” superior ships. They’re two of the main characters, 2 out 8 of the reincarnated warriors (who are all handsome af haha) that are meant to.. you know… save the world.

They’re both on the verge of death at the beginning and one (Shino) in order to survive agrees to live with a demonic sword inside of him which prevents him from growing old and growing per se (which is really sad for many reasons plus you’ll see him once in his 18-year old body and he’s so gorgeous), the other (Sousuke) takes half of a life from a dog, so he can tranform into it whenever he wants.

The problem is that during all of that Sousuke has split and lost his shadow aka the dark part of himself. His shadow works for the dark side, but all he really wants is Shino. The most amazing thing is that Sousuke loves Shino so much, that even his dark part would never ever hurt him. Like his shadow does some pretty terrible stuff to others like once he has made a deal with a girl so she would gave him her eyes just because Shino has said that they’re pretty lmao (I’m sory but its kinda funny), but he gets so pissed when Shino is hurt. So it’s the same as Akashi & Kuroko and Gauche & Lag: even for the darkest part of him the other one is his weakness.

Also this is one of the animes where LITERALLY the power of gay love saves the world by the end. (p.s. sorry, Genpachi, I love you the most and I know you like Shino too, but your flirting can’t beat such deep feelings lol).

15. Assassination Classroom.

Not gonna spoil anything about plot, so I’ll say it’s about “problematic” kids trying to kill their teacher who has superpowers and that’s it. This anime is full of controversial stuff, like I really questioned things and what’s right or wrong, but one thing for sure is that no matter of what you think about the situation, you will 100% cry at the end. I personally think it’s a kinda happy ending considering all the stuff, but opinions are very different when it comes to this anime.

Now for the ship. Let’s just start with the fact that both Karma and Nagisa have ehhhh… psychological problems haha (but who doesn’t in this anime? lol). So Karma is a sadist (like for real, he likes to get creative with torturing) and I think he’s also a yandere when it comes to Nagisa. He threatens to kill those who even talk bad about Nagisa and once has almost beaten to death those who bullied him (which I didn’t mind tbh lmao). He never does anything if others ask, but when/if Nagisa says “please”, he immediately says yes (which is also funny).

They both are in awe with each other and think the other one is absolutely incredible so it’s like a two-sided fan club. Karma is really scary, but when it comes to Nagisa he can be fluffy af. He also doesn’t care about people much, but Nagisa is his everything. Like the “I give up” moment will melt your heart, that was so cute.

So this is one of those “you’re the only exception” ships. Bc Karma is a person who will enjoy skinning ppl alive, but when he’s with Nagisa he likes to hug, pick him up and coo about Nagisa’s height, play tag, discuss his fav movies and tickle fight. I’m like… I’m just… this is great.

16. Bungou Stray Dogs.

This one is about a detective agency where everyone has superpowers who are “enemies” with the mafia group where everyone has superpowers, but actually they’re all friends and half of the detective agency date the mafia xD (I’m sorry, but it’s the truth). Like I still don’t get why they won’t just make one organization, this is getting ridiculous.

I’m not a huge fan of the anime per se tbh, because like it has way too many characters who I can’t even feel for cause supposedly they’ve had a dramatic past, but what past nobody tells, so I like can’t empathize to someone who’s an asshole without knowing why he is that way. Plus there’re many characters in animes who have had a horrible childhood/past but are incredible people (hello to Todoroki and Levi). And some characters there for some reason are degrading instead of progressing which is the worst for me. But it’s pretty entertaining to watch if you won’t think much about stuff, powers are cool and it’s drawn beautifully (but there is one scene that was repeated 28 times 28 TIMES!, we’ve counted just for laughs, guess which xD, that’s like.. they could’ve made time for a whole new episode instead of this)

There’s one character whose progression is so incredible though that I’m happy to watch just for him. It’s Akutagawa. He’s like grown so much and I love everything about him, how he went from trying to kill Atsushi to risking his life for him and letting him use rashomon, how he’s homey with his sister and how he’s so good with feeling his powers, how Kyouka tried to kill him and he was like “I’m so glad you’re happy now”. Bitch, like that’s the character progression I’m asking for! Man, he’s just… he’s my favorite, I love seeing many sides of him. He made me so happy in s3 when I was ready to turn it off lmao

So there are two main ships in this anime. Dazai and Chuuya. They are one of those perfect combinations. But not in a usual way you think.. like characteristically. Chuuya’s full power is uncontrollable and the only one who can stop him is Dazai, cause his ability is to nullify other’s abilities, so he’s the only one who can stop Chuuya and also save him from being destroyed by his own power. So basically Chuuya trusts Dazai with his own life when they work together (which is.. I’d be scared if I was in Chuuya’s place lmao). It’s not like I’m scared that Dazai’s gonna let him die or anything, but stuff like “let’s watch a bit longer how Chuuya is going nuts cause it’s funny” doesn’t seem funny to me.

Let’s just say, I do ship them, I think they’d be perfect together if Dazai was like a fanfiction Dazai, you know. But the truth here is firstly their relationships progression is zero to none, like yeah, it’s fun to watch them bicker, but it like won’t give you any deep feelings. Plus Dazai was the most humane and emotional when he was with Oda (which I really don’t get, Oda was a dumbass tbh, like who makes a children shelter while working in MAFIA???! ofc they were fucking killed). Like Oda’s so special for him but then he treats Chuuya and Akutagawa like shit. And he had more feelings for Oda’s matchbox than for Chuuya in the last season. So my heart just won’t lie there fully, you know. Because there are no moments there that indicate like he’s the one for him.

Now to Akutagawa and Atsushi. This is a classic enemies to lovers stuff. Like they go from trying to kill each other to risking their lives for each other. They warm my heart on so many levels. So they’re both struggling to get over of their past and can’t. But then by the end they help each other to let go of their demons, they give each other what others couldn’t. Like I still can’t believe Atsushi came in like a wrecking ball and said the words Akutagawa wanted to hear for ages (his face, his face lol he was like “w-w-what?”). Atsushi himself admitted that Akutagawa is his cure in the last season.

These two are like also hilarious bc they both think that they’re trash so their arguments are like “you’re the best”, “no, you’re the best”. Like Atsushi literally goes “Akutagawa is so strong and amazing, but he still thinks he’s weak” what a bae xD and Akutagawa thinks that he’s nowhere as good as Atsushi so it’s really funny. The relationships progression is like insane. They went from beating each other into a blood puddles to covering each other from bullets and being like “honey, don’t you dare die, I was going to kill you myself” lol

I still can’t believe Akautagawa gave Atsushi rashomon… he was wearing rashomon. I mean his ability, which is a part of him was okay with Atsushi using her. I mean.. maaaaaan fanfiction does come true! And they’re like the representation of yin and yang characteristically and even appereance-wise and I think it’s super cool. Plus the “lawnmower” is the cutest pet name I’ve ever heard lol

Anywho, this anime has like 20 bromances, so pick whichever you like.

Damn, that got long and I’ve only mentioned 3 haha, sorry. That way it’s gonna be like 50 parts xD

#answered #saku0015 #anime #Hakkenden touhou hakken ibun #assassination classroom #bungou stray dogs #karmagisa #ansatsu kyoushitsu #soukoku #akuatsu #akutagawa ryunosuke #karma x nagisa #sousuke x shino #dazai x chuuya #akutagawa x atsushi

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sozotohakai · 5 years ago

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Chris Love Letter

In theory it is like follow forever posts, but Love Letter felt more fitting~

It’s also been forever since I’ve done something like this, it’s high time I bury with love people!

Do know I’m honestly awkward with this kind of thing, my mind likes to blank out when I try to actually word compliments. Taking my time helped, but yeah, the Chris is awkward with words, would you believe that.

Read more because, as you might guess, it got long.

Organizing was hard because the “lines” are very thin, and everyone in this list has made a different impact on me. You’re all people I’m happy to have met, and enjoy whichever level of interaction we have~

Heart Family

Those who carved their way deep into my heart~

@skyfullofashes : We’ve called each other pack for a while now (and gosh I dont even recall how it was before knowing you), I’m so happy to know you and anytime I hear about anyone who hurt you, past or present, I feel my inner dragon twitch. You’re so lovely, you’ve been there for me so often, and I wish more people took the time to get to know you, you’ve been hurt so often and I deeply wish for you to receive love, I’m certainly going to make sure you never forget you’re part of my family. You’re loyal, you don’t take nonsense, and we’re both exactly the kind of people who can be hurt by others, find ourselves in situation where, for some reasons, others will hurt us. But that’s why we understood each other very early, and why I’ll do my best to always be there for you <3 Don’t get me started on how creative you are, especially with Heaven&Hell. I feel like I’ll never know enough, and I’ll always want to hear more about it, and all your ideas. I still feel awed at how much our Kanda&Allen developped, how much I love our Yullen, and melt at all the family feels with Michael and everyone.

@ask-cross-marian : I feel like we know each other so much, yet it is fun to realize that most that we know of each other, slipped through as we spazzed and chat and yelled about our muses. It feels so nice and so natural, how we just, slotted into place, as rp partners and as friends. I legit can’t remember a time I didn’t know you. You’ve certainly been there for me quite a few times, and I do hope I’ve given to you back, and that you know you are part of those I hold dearest and I’ll always be there for you. We’re both hilariously able to poof away for a while, and yet we always come back, and this is such a nice feeling. I love when you talk about your muses&OCs, and all our interactions make me a puddle of melted fluff. We also often ended up joking around, and I adore this so much!

@piamio : Sometimes I still recall when I was following you, thinking about I’d love to befriend you, and I marvel that it did happen, that we started talking and connected so well together. You always do your best, to feel you improve, to feel you’re doing better, and I see it happen and hope you can see it too. You’ve always been good, but I’ve seen you notice things, realize things, and I’m happy for you, and wish you the best. You’re a lovely person, a great artist, you’re creative, you have ideas for stories as much as you have talent for arts, and talent that seem within us is great, but you’ve also worked hard for your talents and you should never forget that. I feel offended for you when anyone so much as suggests you aren’t doing enough, or not doing well. I want to take them, shake them, and have them see you as I see you.

@alteriius: Among my heart family, I do believe we’ve known each other longest (no, no, I didn’t totally checked my archive to make sure; as it is its indeed in the first two/three weeks I had made Allen’s blog that we started threading!). It’s always been easy talking with you, and you’ve always made me feel safe. We’ve joked together, vented together, helped each other, and sometimes I still spazz with the hope&wish you’ve felt as happy knowing me as I am knowing you. I’ve lost contact with a lot of people once they stopped rping, and so I felt glad when it didn’t happen with us; but then again, I already knew long ago that to rp or not rp woudln’t change anything. I find it very funny, in a good way, that at some point we shifted to the group chat and stayed there, when I want to share with you I share with you both. Sometimes we’ve used our 1x1 chat I think? But yeah, its so fun how we just, went there and stayed there. That might be because we’ll tend to spazz a lot, and we happily spazz us three.

@skytroops : Gosh, I have to wonder, how many years has it been since we first met? I know I made Satoshi years ago for the first time, and I guess the best way to guess is whether or not you’ve known me when I was still in college, or recently out of college. My bet, however, is that we met somewhere in 2013. I certainly recall, however, how much fun we’ve always had speaking about our muses, about our verse, how much we built together, so much that even now, TR!Satoshi still exist as a muse (if now small). And even with hiatus, we never stopped coming back at each other. I hope you know you’re friend for life, someone I very much took under my wing and into my pack <3

Dear Friends

Those who I deeply appreciate and care about, not far from being heart family too~

@chibi-usapyon : We’ve gotten along so well, and it’s so fun how much we can chat about anything and everything. You’re so, lively and friendly, it feels like you have every positive/fun way of approaching, the way you chat always make me feel like you are a bubble of happy energy. It feels like we’ve been bonding well and it’s gotten stable, like you know, the initial thrill has shifted to a calmer thrill. I do have a hard time opening up, and because people have often be friendly, I don’t quite realize I’m considered a friend until I’m told. I’ve always enjoyed our chatting, I knew I wanted to chat with you more, but when you first clearly told me you saw me as a friend, I paused and felt a bubble of happiness. You’re my friend too, and I’m glad we met!

@lascivus : Can we take a moment to tease a certain person about how I’m pretty sure we’ve known each other more through our common friend than by chatting? We’re admitedly both shy, and I can recall at the start, I was shy to chat with you, and in the group chat. But soon enough, and totally through nerding, it just felt natural. That’s probably why I always end up in the group chat, I want to share with you as much as I share with Allen and so, group chat! But I do know you, through chatting and twitter and dash, and I’m awkwardly bad at realizing if someone consider me so, but I hope you don’t mind that I call you a dear friend~

Lovely people

Those I know in various degrees, that I’m glad to have met, who I love when I chat with them, and simply to see them~

@avellaturortem : You’re one of the few people that I’ve rped with for a while who is still around, and I’m super glad we still regularly talk, and I enjoy so much our threads, all the ideas we’ve thrown at each other. If you ever need, I’ll always be happy to listen to you about anything~

@manadcampbellrpblog : You’re such a sweetie, and I’ve seen how you sometimes feel shy to speak to me, but I hope you know you can always talk to me, and come back to me. I’ll always be happy to see your replies, but more importantly I’m glad to chat with you. You’ve always been very sweet, and I can practically feel how nervous not being an english speaker make you. I still recall when english wasn’t as easy as it is now, but never be afraid to speak and try and learn!

@shensheng-aoman : Listen, I don’t think we quite expected for Talon&Allen to slay us with adorableness, but they do and I love when we chat about them, but also just to chat with you. You’re lovely and it’s always a pleasure to see you around. Sometimes I spazz so much while wondering if it’s okay, but then I see you tell me you enjoy it, and I welcome you to spazz with me too~

@shuoshuzhe : The moment you told me you also knew DGM, I swear I grinned so hard. You’ve been adding so many muses too, and I know I’ll eye them sooner or later more. We’ve gotten some great threads started, and I’m eager to do these and more in the future. And then before we knew it, we’ve gotten deep into chatting MDZS, and I love this so much, and I feel like we’ll have fun chatting about anything and everything!

@moon--wake : I hope you are doing good! I initially only knew your JL but then I saw more of your muses, and the plot we’ve started have been great! It’s always been fun talking to you, and planning with you, I’m sending you all my best wishes <3

@forlorninquiry : I love so much our storyline, I think you’ve seen how I can suddenly spazz out of nowhere about it, but that’s because I do enjoy talking with you. I love seeing you on dash, and I love seeing how you write and talk of LWJ!

@dishengs : I remember you’ve been on the first rper in MDZS I met, and you’ve got such a lovely way of expressing WWX. It’s been fun letting Allen meeting him, and I’ll always be open to plot. You feel so friendly and so nice, and it’s always a pleasure to see you on dash!

@crowleiii : Krory and Allen are so sweet, one day we shall have them say brother in threads; and I enjoy how we chat about DGM, throwing theory around, slaying our feels more than half the time. I’m always glad to chat with you, and see you around!

@taoqidetuzi : You’ve been super friendly, very easy to talk to, and it feels fun to chat with you, and plot with you!

@ghostfluted : We haven’t talk as much yet as I have with other people, but you’ve felt from the start friendly, and I certainly enjoyed plotting with you!

@crystallizecrimsonbutterfly : Some day I’ll think of sending messages first to you, you always leave little messages for me sooner or later, and I always have a smile when I see you’ve done so. I’ve always enjoyed writing with you, and your Lenalee, I’ll happily continue threads or just plot the next event with you whenever you want; and I hope you’ve been doing good!

@dannyikigay : I couldn’t not give you some love (except tumblr being mean but that’s why I linked you), we’ve often talked with a share loved of a certain pairing as well as simple chatting, and we more often now see each other in the discord server (although I’m, ghostly a lot XD), but know you’re always welcomed to talk with me~

@ginnomme : One of the few people I know ship my rarer ships, and we’ve chatted a lot, it’s always fun and lovely when we do. I’ve seen you need time for yourself, but know I do think about you and I hope good things for you!

#outofhost #(me with barely any warning but a vague mention of doing this earlier today)#(ENJOY THE LOVE OWO)

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vixthefantheorist · 5 years ago

Text

Is Anti the Shadow of the Egos?

First of all, I know what you’re thinking. What the hell are you talking about, woman? And I mean both senses of the phrase; the ‘what do you mean’ aspect and the ‘what the hell is a shadow’ aspect; as both are valid questions.

Well sit down, fam and lend me your ears for a bit.

Now the kind of Shadow I’m talking about is the kind that come from Megami Tensei’s Persona franchise! Specifically Persona 3 FES, Persona 4 and Persona 5, mostly because those are the only ones I’ve played; as I have never gotten my hands on Persona 1 or 2 so I can’t say what information they could have. Now Shadows are the lower parts of the psyche everyone has. I have them, you have them... your dog or cat has them (maybe). Jack and the Egos have them. Those lower parts are suppressed human thoughts given physical form. Suppressed negative thoughts of the heart and mind. Remember this. When people are unable to face their darker selves, they break loose, free from all control. Sounds a lot like a certain someone right? Anyway, Shadows eat a person’s psyche. Now... this is where things get tricky. Depending on how powerful the Shadow is and its intentions are. As well as which Persona game Seán is going with, seeing as he is a Persona fan. I actually never knew that, and I just discovered that last night on a dev call with a friend of mine. And now that I looked back in some videos Seán did... I was surprised I didn’t notice before. OR I did and completely forgot.

See that background behind Dr. Jack? Persona 5′s Joker~ Anyway, from that I Can only guess he has only played Persona 5, and from there probably became interested in it further and went into looking it further. Whether or not he has played Persona 3 and 4, I honestly don’t know, the fact he knows of Persona may have led to some ideas for Anti.

Now back to the Shadows, depending on the power and of course the intention of the Shadow when it eats psyches... can lead to two routes. A vegetative state or... Death.

Now, I know based on this leads me to think that Anti is a shadow self of Jack... and possibly the other Egos. Possibly. The reason I say this is because of the clue Seán gave when someone asked him if Anti was a tupla (tulpa? whichever) and he said, “Close but not quite.”

Interesting~

See, tulpa/tuplas are being made of concentrated imagination. It takes an extensive amount of practice to do this... though for some its easier, depending on how complex they are. So basically they’re imaginary friends you had as kids, just with the option to hurt you or not. But there are many other variables to go with them. Now, Seán said it was close but not quite, so if that’s the case... then if we take into account his interest and love of Persona, then it makes sense. Shadows are concentrations of emotions, ones humans reject and hide within themselves to avoid facing them and revealing them to other people in the world. Because you know that means facing the possibility of friends you have rejecting you for what actually think and feel. All the little ugly thoughts you have... yeah. As its true, no matter how much know a person, you will never know everything about them. You only learn a percentage of what they want to show. And what has Jack been doing the entire time Anti shows up and what does he do when the community points Anti out to Jack? He ignores him. Or acts like he doesn’t know what we’re talking about or pretends to not see him. But he knows... He knows damn well Anti is there, can hear him... see him but actively chooses to not give Anti attention. Which infuriates the little bugger. In Persona 4, if one chooses or actively denies their shadow self, the shadow goes completely berserk, laughing at ‘being free’ and attempts to kill them to take their place. ...Anti did that twice. In Say Goodbye, he succeeds in killing Jack and took his place in the channel up until a certain point when Jack was revived and retook control. We do not notice the shifts until the PAX East message where Anti raves about being tossed aside. The second time was in Kill JackSepticEye video. But it seems that Anti realizes that killing Jack isn’t going to do much of anything since the Irishman would eventually come back to life and kick him out. So... what’s the next best option to render him helpless and take his place? But deny him being ‘revived’ again? A coma. Or in Persona 3′s case... inflicting Jack with Apathy Syndrome. Apathy Syndrome is an illness that reduces the victim into a vegetative state. Or close to it, its purely in the game. But the illness’s cause is a shadow eating the victim’s psyche and stealing the soul. That’s the general idea of the illness. Now it doesn’t exactly give details on it further but in the game and observing “the Lost” its a term people in the game give to the victims inflicted with Apathy Syndrome, its safe to say that the Lost are aware, but... well ‘lost’. They can’t move, eat or take care of themselves, mumbling or moaning. But they do sometimes speak in return but in barest of words. So... think of Apathy Syndrome as a type of paralysis, you’re aware but you can’t do anything or barely speak if you’re lucky enough to. And if you can speak, your thoughts are so jumbled that you can’t form a coherent sentence together. You’re literally trapped in your own body.

Now, knowing Anti wants Jack to suffer, so its likely he stole Jack’s ‘soul’ but only enough to keep Jack helpless but alive and aware. He just can’t move or give a signal to the Egos that he can hear them... can see them. If Anti IS a shadow form of Jack, his direct dark self that he refuses to face; then it makes sense as to why Anti desires attention. He was suppressed and ignored and wants to be acknowledged. Now... that does paint Anti as a victim more than a villain, which is fine since we honestly don’t know who plays what roles if there even IS a role to play. As Seán had said, “Protagonists aren’t always heroes,” and he’s very correct on that. Protags are just the main focus of the story, not always a hero, just a main character. The same can be said for Antagonists not always being the villain. Antags are there as hostile oppositions but not villains. But what does this mean for the other Egos? And why does Anti mess with them given he already ‘won’ against Jack? Well, honestly I don’t know. Anti only knows negativity so he’ll just react and do things negatively and given he’s not as bound to Jack, he can do whatever the fuck he wants because he’s a dick. He knows all of Jack’s fears... maybe he wants to know all of the Egos fears and does know them if they had talked to Jack often about their troubles and such and wants more of that.And wants to mess with them because he can? Maybe force them to accept him as the new Jack, turn them into Shadows like himself? Hell if I know. But could explain Dr. Jack’s appearance... Henrik’s fear of being replaced by someone ‘better’. Dr. Jack being Henrik’s shadow. -Shrug- Maybe that’s the whole reason for the time loops and such, the Egos trying to get Jack to stop ignoring Anti before he gets kill or stuck in a paralyzed state. In Persona 5, people that you go... deal with act more closely to how their shadow selves are and don’t care, thus suppressing the positivity. And its your job to get into their hearts and kick their Shadows’ ass and tell them ‘No, that’s a bad thing, realize that. Apologize and admit your crimes and stop being a dick.’ Which in a way Jack is being... excluding Anti completely and being a dick to him. So Anti returns the favor and does a better job at it. Though Anti needs an ass kicking himself to be told to stop being a dick. Maybe. So its likely Jack understands what he needs to do but he can’t do anything to fix it because he can’t move or speak and Anti’s too pissed off at him to listen. That and Anti’s riding high on the attention, fears and reveling in the feel of *freedom* that he’s going to refuse giving it up. Again its just theory I have. That Anti is/was a Shadow self of Jack but evolved into something more. Hell maybe Anti is the shadow of all the egos, absorbing their fears and darkness that they refuse to face... with the exception of Chase to a degree. Chase is a ball of negativity and acknowledges it, but likely refuses to face the reason of why or do anything about it; and Anti finds it funny or hell thinks of him as a battery to drain energy from. Who knows. But yeah, there it is, my possibility of what Anti could be. Now mind you, its just a theory and a possibility. So highly likely I’m very wrong, but it was a fun trip to think about. As ANY of this can be altered and changed by Seán to fit what he needs for the Lore. If it is indeed that he’s taken some inspiration from Persona as well. So not all the info I did share is what he thinks or uses. AUs people, you can rewrite the rules to how you want it. XD What do you guys think Anti is?

#jacksepticeye #ego theories #jacksepticeye ego theories #antisepticeye #chase brody #marvin magnificent #jackieboyman #jameson jackson #dr. schneeplestein #vixtheories

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janiedean · 5 years ago

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so admittingly I don't know much about springsteen but your top 5/10 springsteen songs and why?

WELL THEN HERE WE GO (sorry this required a long answer) (also if I start going like ‘this is it bUT IN THIS VERSION NOT IN THAT ONE it’s because actually he has wildly different version of the same song XDDD)

*cough* *drum roll* videos for the first five + links for the others as usual xD

one: the ghost of tom joad

youtube

I once ranted about this specific song in detail so here if anyone’s interested, but: it took me years to decide on which one was my favorite overall but then I went for tom joad because it has all. it’s a heartbreaking song that updates one of my favorite ever novels (the grapes of wrath) to current days situations and guys I swear to god the fact that he put to music tom’s speech to his mother in the novel at the end after rehashing the themes in a new light in the rest of it killed me and I want it tattooed, so. tom joad now and always thanks guys. I love this damned song to levels that are embarrassing as hell.

two: no surrender (in the live 75-85 version)

youtube

so: no surrender is originally on born in the usa and actually it’s my favorite song from that record regardless - like, it opens side two and I remember that the first time I heard it was on a tape a friend’s dad (haha) had lent me bc he knew I was into bruce and he was too and I turned it to the second side of the tape and played it and I was like holy crap this is it but then I heard the acoustic live version from the following tour and guys. guys. if you ever had friends you fell out of touch with but still remember fondly and/or friendships you know that even if you don’t talk for a while you’ll always be close when you meet again this is.. just… idk it hit me like a punch in the stomach and it never left. I cried every single time he played it live when I went to see him. no regrets. I love this song sfm and the melancholy in the acoustic version just destroys me.

three: for you (acoustic piano version)

youtube

I 100% realize this is probably a weird choice for top three, but: this was on his first album and the version on there is pretty damned good - it’s about a guy whose girlfriend tries to commit suicide and reminesces about their relationship - and you’d go like why, but: first of all he has some of his best lines in this (my electric surges free I just sdgsldjl) and the entire last stanza where he goes from where I found you broken at the beach to the end is just a knife into your heart, but this goddamned version here just goes and tears your heart out and stomps on it and I swear if there is one thing I want from bruce is that he plays this in front of me next time I see him live because for now I never managed and just - the slow piano kills me. I love it. the fact that when I asked brian fallon in a tumblr q&a his fave bruce song and he said this specific one just confirmed he’s a true intellectual. ;)

four: drive all night

youtube

or: this is the love song. I just. the first time I heard this I fell off the chair or something and it was the studio version which is nowhere near as heartfelt as the live versions and I swear it’s just - it has very lovely lyrics that perfectly balance melancholy and hopeful and don’t make it saccharine, the fucking sax solo destroys me every single goddamned time I hear it and when you get to the end and he says that she has his love heart and soul it’s The Most Heartfelt Thing I Have Ever Heard In My Life Or Close To It and I just, I love drive all night with every inch of my atoms, bye.

five: badlands

youtube

I ranted about this extensively yesterday here so I refer you to it for long rant about it, but tldr: this was actually the first bruce song I ever heard knowing it was by bruce - it wasn’t what got me on that train but it still was the first and like… I didn’t understand it for a long time bc my first run-in with bruce was a hit and miss but then I did and like, this song is basically quintessential bruce because it has all his themes rolled up into one, all the good stuff, everything that is good about his music and most of all live it’s a goddamned religious experience.

so, that was for the top five, but top ten…

six: youngstown (click here for full rant from last year) which was a hard choice but this damned song slays me whether acoustic or electric and I love his use of language and how he built it and how he teaches you things in five minutes pretty much and how the music/mood matches the words in both versions and seems to mean different approaches but still doesn’t change the core of it, and is2g the last two lines and the second stanza and the line he recycled from the mahardige book he inspired himself with when he wrote this are just goddamned out of this world and like this one raised the ladder for years but I just, love it to pieces

seven: rosalita (come out tonight), or: bruce does serious and politics incredibly well but this one is just a delight from beginning to end, it’s fun, I could listen to it for a month without getting tired, it always puts a smile on my face and the entire last part where he tells her to inform her dad he has a record company now so no reason to hate that his daughter is with a moneyless musician is just… so… lovely and fun and lighthearted and I just really love this song a lot ;;

eight: highway patrolman or, there’s no way a top ten bruce songs has no nebraska material from me because nebraska Is A Damn Masterpiece and this one’s my fave off it, but tldr: the utter, absolute way this thing slays you with just voice and guitar and the way he makes you feel about the cop who ends up letting his brother with ptsd from vietnam escape after he accidentally kills someone is out of this world and I just, this one really has a way to make you empathize with the narrator and my heart ;_; (also the movie they made from it which is in that video is really good k viggo mortensen playing the brother with ptsd isn’t leaving me anytime soon)

nine: thunder road (rant attached to the link) or: this one is short and sweet but honest, it’s not The Definitive Love Song To Me just bc drive all night exists. this damned song is a masterpiece in itself. it’s flawless. it has the crescendo, it has the fact that at whichever moment in his life he sings it it works, ‘it’s a town full of losers and I’m pulling out of here to win’ is the most iconic line that ever ended a song or close to it and it’s exactly the kinda love song you wanna hear if you want realistic love song material and just, legendary. okay? legendary.

ten: american skin (41 shots), or: this actually is what got me into springsteen bc I borrowed the live album it was published on originally after my first try with darkness went so-so, I listened to it and was like ‘okay yeah he’s good’, then I got to this one and went like ‘wait a fucking moment this isn’t just good’ (count that I was twelve and understood maybe 1/5th in the english songs I heard), I actually looked it up, went like woah wait aaand listened to it for two weeks straight, bought the record, translated everything by hand, started reading about what the fuck was wrong with the circumstances for which it was written and here I am twenty years later dying over bruce and having been introduced thanks to him to 80% of his country’s societal issues or I’d have had no idea that early in my life. anyway: other than the sentimental value, it’s honestly out of this world good and the live version just nailed it way better than the studio that was released years later and I love bruce a lot, k? k.

thanks for letting me rant ;)

#bruce springsteen #springsteen birthday extravaganza 2k19 #if anyone not from fandom clicks on the rants don't mind the anon hate i started them from ;)#jlannister #ask post

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cutegirlmayra · 5 years ago

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I assume you've played Sonic Adventure and therefore know Gamma's story. I had this idea that Gamma could fall in love with Amy after she saves him. Obviously she wouldn't reciprocate because feeling attraction towards machinery is nigh impossible. Just an idea I had for you. Appreciate your writing!

Sonic Adventure was very fun! I have fond memories of the game :)c

PROMPTS ARE ON SHUTDOWN! Please do not send me any requests at this time!

Commissions can be made through my blog’s tab or by simply messaging me, please go over specific rules first before any purchases!

Also, I appreciate your request. Gamma needs more love! lol And yeah, Amy wouldn’t feel anything more than friendship for a flicky, but I like the idea that one falls for her charms and big heart XD

This also reminds me of Game-Grumps lololol (they made a comment like this I think once. Ha!)

Prompt:

It was hard to process emotions when you’ve been turned into metal, but as Gamma looked through his green specs at the young hedgehog girl, he could briefly feel the muscles on his weakened wings. They felt stripped of flight, of the power of free life. For a moment, a tiny heart fluttered when his wings could not.

Amy…

Her name was Amy…

He had witnessed his friend, brother, and comrade be taken away to destruction by Eggman’s command and said nothing. Suddenly, the young hedgehog girl was asking him to find the remaining humanity still left in him, depart from the robotic pull of the machine strangling his tiny body into its control.

What gave her so much compassion towards his steely hide. What aided her in seeing the helpless little Flicky he truly was inside? He had forgotten so much… and yet…

He could, for a brief moment, imagine he was staring out from the robot. He imagined himself a small bird again, gazing at a girl he wished to perch on and nuzzle with loving affection.

She had loved him when all she could see was a robot. She had pleaded and given him back what he had thought he lost. She was…

Everything to him now.

He was a number with a gun. She stood before him when destruction in the form of a blue hedgehog was going to eliminate him.

A friend… she considered a robot, unfeeling and destructive, to have a heart and soul.

He had protected her back, he had released himself from his prison… at least…

Was the Flicky Gamma? Or was Gamma like a faint dream and that strange other life was still somehow living on inside him?

He had recently reunited with his family, but as his pink little wings fluttered along the coasting wind, he looked to see that same pink hedgehog girl moving on to Station Square.

After a moment’s pause, he joined her.

Finally, his longing to perch on her shoulder and squish his cheek against hers in a loving thanks could be realized!

But then he never wanted to leave.

After seeing him off, he perched on a branch and sorrowfully watched her enter the train, waving to him as he flapped his little wings in a return sign of mutual missing.

When the train departed, he ruffled his feathers and pouted. His companions noticed this and began to think…

With some help, and careful communication with gestures and claw-drawings, they were able to tell Tails that this little Flicky wanted to do more than just live freely in bliss.

He had a job to do and a hedgehog to protect.

Tails loosely understood and began to rebuild his Gamma incarnation, but before this, the little Flicky knew he couldn’t be away from Amy for long.

So a few weeks later…

There was a persistent tapping on the window, as Amy awoke with her face smushed into the pillow, trying to drown out the annoying ticking.

“Ohhh… What now?” she wiggled her face around the pillow before leaning up, yawning slightly and rubbing her eyes as she carefully tossed the bedsheet aside and looked out the window.

“Hmm..? Birdie? No… Ah! The Flicky Gamma saved!” She gasped, excited to see the handsome little bird sitting on the windowsill.

He puffed up his chest, happily panting at his accomplishment of getting her recognition.

She immediately opened the window and he flew up to her, flying around her in a circle as she spun along with him.

“Oh my! Hehe, you sure are full of vigor. I’m so glad you are safe.” She placed her hands neatly on her chest, overlapping the other.

Her sincere words filled him with great joy. She was still the loving Amy Rose he remembered through Gamma’s hazy memories.

“Oh, are you hungry?”

He chirped.

“Well, I’ll have you know I make the best food there is!” with a hop in her step, she hurried to her kitchen and the Flicky happily followed.

Once there, he helped her prepare a meal for each other, all the while whistling his affections for her.

He gripped the spoon with both talons and stirred before, looking over to see a radio and remembering something from being a machine.

He flew over and tapped it on with his beak, able to vaguely recognize words.

“Hmm?” Amy’s ear flicked a bit as a classic swing song came on. She laughed, “You’re a smart little Flicky.” she grinned warmly as he flew over and flapped his wings a bit in the air.

Then, out of nowhere, he swooped down and lightly took her hand in his beak, spinning her around.

“Ohh!” She was pleasantly surprised but realized he was trying to dance with her. “You’re just full of surprises!” she giggled, curtsying.

Everything was going to plan! The little Flicky gave a closed-eye smile in glee,… but that changed the second the wind blew by the door.

“Huh? It couldn’t be… could it?” Amy looked around the Flicky, hearing a knock that jolted her in spot. “Sonic?” There was a pause.

“The one and only.” A chippy voice spoke out.

“Sonic!” her enthusiasm in rushing to the door left the Flicky hovering in spot, disappointed that the same expression hadn’t been created with his own tactic.

When she opened the door, everything was about Sonic, and the Flicky was left as an decoration flying in the corner.

This new dynamic, her cooing and fawning over him as she made him some food and ignored him, left him in such wild, instinctual jealousy that he had gripped Amy’s shoulder and death-glared Sonic the whole time.

“Just thought I’d drop by! Tails says that family of Flickies you saved has a surprise for you.”

He ate some food as Amy reached down and pulled some food up for the Flicky to eat.

Angstily, he quickly grabbed it and chewed in the other direction, making her confused as to his behavior.

“Really? Oh… I really don’t need anything but their happiness though.” She smiled and lovingly scratched beneath the Flicky’s beak.

His feathers couldn’t help it, they ruffled and puffed and he melted at her touch.

“Haha! Seems to really like you, Amy.”

“Hehe! He even asked me dance! Unlike some shy hedgehogs I know.” she poked fun at him, huffing a sly remark and forcing Sonic to fold his arms and look away, not commenting.

Gamma! If the Flicky could regain his form that Amy had first bonded too, maybe he could receive more attention than Sonic!

The little Flicky suddenly went ballistic, cawing and crying out, tugging on Amy’s dress to get her to follow him.

“Woah, woah! What’s gotten into him?” She was being dragged away by the Flicky, and Sonic got up to see what was going on.

“He seems pretty determined to get you out of the house.” He noted, before shrugging and pivoting away. “Oh well. Looks like your charms are too much for him, Amy.”

“Oh, stop that, Sonic! Help me out!”

“With what? He’s just a small Flicky. Bat him away if you really want too.” Sonic gestured weakly the motion, mostly mocking her as the little Flicky flapped his wings with all his might.

“Where do you think he’s taking me?”

“Tails’s, I’d imagine.”

“OoooOOOOOoooh! Why are you acting so calm! He wasn’t acting this way this morning…” she looked worriedly to the Flicky as she finally gave in and stopped resisting, walking in whichever direction he pulled her.

“Persistent, isn’t he?” Sonic frowned a moment, seeing as Amy let the little tike win. “Guess I have too.” He sighed, racing after her.

After having tugged her so far, the Flicky realized she would willingly followed and started guiding the two. Though he pecked at Sonic whenever he got too close to walking alongside Amy… he finally led the pair to Tails’s workshop up on the hill.

“Hey! Sonic! Amy!” Tails waved but upon the hill, “I was just about to phone you!”

“No need. A little birdie told us it couldn’t wait.” Sonic joked, pointing his reversed thumb back at the Flicky, who with determined eyes, raced to Tails.

He briefly reunited with the other Flickies, who hurriedly told him how to access the new metallic body and regain his previous form.

“Tails, what’s this all about?” Amy worriedly looked to him, but he just chuckled in delight.

“Your new friends seem to really owe a lot to you. I think they wanted to bring back an old friend for ya, thinking you might have missed him.”

“Who?” Amy put a finger up to her cheek, trying to recall any Flickies she may have missed on her little adventure. “It hasn’t been that long… has it?”

The Flicky dived like an arrow into the deactivated, scraped Eggman contraption Tails had put together. It was as close to the real look as he would have hoped. He moved into the pod that would serve as a source for the robot and began moving his wings into what he thought might be the right position for them.

Suddenly, the machine whirred to life and little wires and lights began to buzz on all around him.

He opened his beak, his eyes sparkling with the thought of Amy dashing into his metallic frame and hugging him with blissful glee, just like she did the blue hedgehog.

He closed his eyes… expecting the experience to be very similar to the first time.

But it wasn’t painful… it wasn’t happening.

He worriedly squawked, his friends looking down at him as he struggled to kick and try and make the thing absorb his essence.

Tails, Sonic, and Amy approached the garage as Amy saw the little device, like a puppet, start to wiggle and turn.

She covered her mouth, “I-…Is that…?”

Tails smiled to Sonic, who nudged his arm as though saying, ‘Good job’ with a wink.

“E-102 GAMMA. REPORTING FOR HUGGINGS.” The little Flicky learned quickly that Tails had not perfectly designed the robot to match Eggman’s sadistic ways. Instead, it was more like an operating gizmo, one he could manually move and speak at his will.

The other Flickies flew a few inches away as the robot stood up, resembling Gamma very well as it stared blankly out at Amy Rose.

It gripped its gun and fired a warning shot to get Sonic to move back.

“H-Hey!” Sonic tip-toed away from the beam, but clearly looked on edge.

“Woah! What was that all about!?” Tails turned worriedly upset to the Flickies. “I gave you that to help out! Not to hurt my friends!”

The other Flickies glared down at the robot, Birdie even giving it a swift kick to remind the Flicky inside to play nice.

Gamma bounced wildly for a moment, as though mocking Sonic, before tucking the gun to his side and holding out his hand to Amy.

“MISS HEDGEHOG. I HAVE FOUND A WAY TO REPAY YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS. I HAVE RETURNED TO SET A BLAZE TO EGGMAN, AND TO PROTECT ALL WE BOTH CHERISH.”

“Oh, Gamma!” Amy was moved, but worriedly looked to the smoking area where Gamma had fired. “But… Make sure you keep that blaster in its holster! Understood?” she put her hands to her hips, a slight lean forward to show she meant business, as Gamma stepped back a moment in unbalanced shame.

“I MEANT NO THREAT. HE WAS JUST TOO CLOSE TO YOUR EXCELLENCE AND BEAUTY.”

Tails and Sonic gave confused looks to Gamma, but Amy giggled, absolutely smitten by his words.

“You’re too kind~ But Sonic is allowed to be in my presence, so no worries!”

“B-BU-BU-BU-BUT!” rapidly bouncing again, Gamma seemed to very much appose Sonic’s permission to be near her.

“No, buts!” Amy winked, wiggling her finger in a scold. “However, I would absolutely love to give you a hug, old friend!”

Sonic gagged as Tails just awkwardly sweatdropped, scratching the back of his head.

“Guess he wanted more than a thank you from her… huh?”

“Oh, you think?” Sonic joked, rolling his eyes as he ignored Amy’s energetic jump into Gamma’s arms.

“YES. I HAVE DONE IT. I HAVE ACQUIRED YOUR PURE AFFECTION.” Gamma happily held her as the little Flicky did a cute little dance inside his new robotic toy.

Amy giggled, “I didn’t realize you wanted to thank me so much, even going back inside such a dark and scary experience for you… just to say hello again to little old me.” Amy trailed off, missing his point as he realized something very heartbreaking.

“YOU… YOU ONLY SEE ME AS THE ROBOT?”

“Oh no! I see you as that charming little Flicky you always were too!”

“…YOU SEE ME NOT AS I HAD HOPED.” The Robot leaned down, showing the Flicky’s disappointment as he gently set her down.

“I SEE NOW… THAT HEDGEHOG… HE IS THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTIONS. THERE IS NO ROOM FOR A FLICKY OR ROBOT.”

“That’s not true! Many people dwell in my heart!” Amy happily placed her hands over her heart, then guided Gamma’s to the circular opening where the Flicky had flown inside. “Just like you hold a very special one in yours!”

The same feeling of understanding and affection filled the little Flicky, but he decided to pull more affection out of Amy by playing dumb.

“DOES NOT COMPUTE. HOLD HAND LONGER.”

“Umm… Like this?”

“YES. THIS IS GOOD.”

“Oh you. This isn’t even your real hand!” She let it go and reached in the circular hole all the way to the little Flicky, who happily, with a blush, reached out and let her touch his wing.

“Oh! There you are!”

He smiled sweetly, darting out of the machine and embracing her head, lightly pecking her with kisses on her forehead and cheeks.

Amy placed her hands over her face, giggling at the affections and squealing at how much it tickled.

Sonic continued to look uncomfortable while Tails looked to the other Flickies, nodding to them.

“I think I’ll keep Gamma Mark II with me. As long as he doesn’t blow anything up, he can come by and operate it anytime he wants too.” Tails gestured with a hand to shake on it and one of the little Flickies flew down and gave him his talon, shaking to it.

“You’re awfully nice, Tails.”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for giving others their hearts true desire~” he teased as he nodded his head back to Amy.

His tails wagged as Sonic groaned, turning his head away.

Amy jumped up and down when the Flicky returned to Gamma’s form and Gamma lifted her hand and spun her around.

They had an awkward dance, where Amy would do a little jig and then have Gamma, while standing in place, lift his arm to twirl her every now and then from side to side.

It was a cute moment, but the Flicky knew he wouldn’t lose his gratitude nor love for Amy Rose… but that perhaps, in either form, it wasn’t meant to be.

#Sonic prompt #flicky #Flickies #gamma #e-102 gamma #sonic adventure #sonic #amy rose #tails #sonic the hedgehog

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