#but yeah now that we know each other better we've agreed that we probably wouldn't be good as romantic partners

[opossumanon]

Not me wondering if I'm actually aromantic or if I'm just so mentally fucked up from years of being excluded, made fun of, called ugly, asked out as a joke, etc. that my brain just turned off the ability to feel romantic attraction for anybody?

[captain-mj]

Can we get some more Krüger beeing mean to Horangi? And then put in his place by König when he figures out what's going on? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

*cue the heavy breathing* Yeah! Of course! I am totally normal about this!

Horangi dug his hands into his thighs as Krüger sat next to him. "Thought about what I said?"

Horangi kept his mouth shut. He wanted to shoot him right here in fucking evac, but König was nearby and would be pissed if Horangi "started another fight". Krüger was good. Horangi would give him that. He always made sure it looked like it was Horangi's fault. It hurt a little that his boyfriend didn't trust him.

Okay, it hurt a lot.

"Listen, wouldn't I be better for him? We've known each other longer. I know how to make him happy. All you do is upset him."

Horangi dug his hands in tighter. He hated that Krüger was right more than anything. All he did was make König lately. For picking fights or agreeing to gamble. For being distracted, for not showing him how much he loved him, for making mistake after mistake with him.

Horangi hated that he was getting so worked up. The man just got under his skin.

Neither of them noticed König coming closer.

"You're pathetic. He'd be a lot better with me and you fucking know it."

König heard that one, going still right behind them. Horangi too stressed and wound up to notice and Krüger just wasn't paying attention.

"You're nothing but a recovering addict that ran away from your country because you were too much of a fucking coward-"

"That's enough." König surprised even himself with the venom in his tone. He glared at him. "You are not to speak of Horangi that way, ever. We are not and will not ever get back together. Seeing this side of you, I'm regretting ever being with you in the first place."

Krüger looked surprised, floundering a bit. "König, sch-"

"No! You are not to call me petnames. You are not to be so... so...." König threw his hands up. "Just back off!" He put himself between them. Anxiety was creeping in but more than that was his anger. Horangi had been telling him and he hadn't believe him. Had believed his lying bastard ex over his boyfriend. Oh he'd have to make it up to him. Candlelit dinners or begging. Horangi was weak to both.

"König..." Horangi grabbed his arm in warning. "We're in evac. Best we all sit down, okay?"

"You're right, my biene." That wasn't his normal nickname for Horangi, but it was one that was popular enough in Austria and Germany that Krüger would know what it meant. "But you will go elsewhere." The plane was small but it wasn't that small. He could find a place far away from König and Horangi.

König didn't wait for a response, sitting next to Horangi and pressing to his side. "I am sorry, I wi-"

Horangi leaned into him. "Thank you for coming in when you did. Didn't think I could hold it together much longer."

"I am so sorry I didn't be-"

Horangi cut him off again. "I didn't want to pick a fight in evac ya know? I ju-"

König cut him off this time. "Let me apologize."

Horangi paused before sighing. "Yeobo, I don't... want to hear them right now. I believe you."

König had a feeling this wasn't it. There would probably be talks in the future. How dreadful. But Horangi showed no signs of breaking up for the moment.

What if he did? Oh no. Had he perme-

"Stop spiraling, gongjunim. Seriously, it is okay."

König went bright red at the nickname, but it successfully jerked him out of his thoughts. "Okay..."

"What does biene mean?"

"Means bee."

"I prefer the other one you use."

"Mordkätzchen?"

"Yes. What does that one mean?" Horangi knew it.

König told him anyway. "Murder kitten."

"Murder kitten." Horangi laughed softly.

[fallingforel]

heyy! i was wondering if you could do an alex turner fic with the one bed trope (sorry if it sounds weird but english is not my first language🥹). thank you so much if you do it!! <3

a/n. of course my lovely. I would love to do this. here it is and hope you like it. p.s. this would defo happen with 2013 slutty alex era and I hope you like it. and don't worry...I barely understand my own english sometimes and I'm a native english speaker I had this half written a few weeks back but have finally finished it now. half asleep so sorry if theres any errors. It's probably the longest oLove you all <3😂😂😂

CW: sexual tension, smut, MNDI

NOTHING I MENTION IN THIS IS HOW I PORTRAY ANY PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THEY ARE ONLY FICTIONAL, JUST LIKE ANY OTHER BOOK!

PROMPT: none

WORDS: 2,894

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Alex and I have never seen eye to eye with each other. And that really sucked when we were in a band together. I had only ever agreed to it because they were really desperate for a female singer for their songs. I was Matt's sister but have always despised Alex, ever since he moved in next door to me. During the summers when we was younger he was always soaking me with a water gun when I was trying to catch up on some reading and sun bathing.

MAY 2002

"Y/n please come on we're desperate for a female singer, please come on. You know I wouldn't ask if I was so desperate. But you're the only girl I know that can sing well" Alex said

"Okay fine." I say which makes Matt and Alex whisper Yes to themselves and fistpump the air.

"But on one condition." I say making them hold their cheers

"What?"

"Only until you find a replacement. Because this is not what I want to do, I want a Uni. You must promise me you actively look."

"okay" They both say in Unison

MAY 2013

After the glorious upturns of the first album I was surprised, and also Matt and Alex begged me to stay. I reluctantly agreed but I decided that I could get used to the lifestyle after going on our first tour.

So here I was On our 4th tour and My opinions of Alex hadn't change Infact I think they have gotten worse, especially since the incline we've had. The fame getting to his head a little bit. Thinking he could get every girl he wants. It really angered me. He also thought he was better than me and that riled me up, especially when we were on stage and he took over the spotlight, cutting me off at any moment he could.

It was only when we got to sweden things took a turn for the worse.

"I'm staying with breanna, Jamies with Katie, and nicks with Kelly. so you two have got to share" Matt said when we arrived at the hotel.

"WHAT??" Alex and I said in unison

"what do you mean we've got to share? I am NOT sharing with him"

"yeah and I'm not sharing with her"

"EXCUSE YOU? IM A DELIGHT TO SHARE A ROOM WITH I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW" I said raising my voice a bit which had people turning their heads to look in our direction, usually I would've been a bit embarrassed but in that moment I was too riled up to care.

"YOU SAID IT FIRST!" Alex retorted which only started the anticipated tumultuous bickering between the two of us.

Which made Matt shout over us "ENOUGH!" which made us stop and turn out heads at him. "It's only for one night, Please can you just get over it. It only happened because we had our original room arrangement of Alex and I sharing and then You, jamie and Nick having your own rooms and Breanna surprised me. I'll make sure Ian books five rooms for the next stop and the stops after so it doesn't happen again okay?" he asks. raising his eyebrow at both of us, and holding up a keycard

"fine." we both say. I grab the card from his hand and get in the lift, alex following hot on my heels, grabbing his suitcase dragging it across the floor, to the lift. I press the button for the fifth floor. We're waiting in silence for what feels like a decade but in reality is only a minute. The lift dings and we both step out.

I look for room 542 which I finally reach after turning a million corridors. I put the keycard in the door and open the door to find my worst nightmare a double bed...one.

"Oh this has got to be the worst day in existence." Alex says from behind me. "At least we can agree on one thing." I say before I'm hearing the door shut so I look behind me to find no Alex so I open the door. Only to find an Alex shaped figure walking the way to the lift so I shout "where are you going" "To find another room" "You won't find one, the rooms are all booked incase you haven't forgotten we're hosting a concert tomorrow" but I am met with a middle finger and Alex walking away.

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A knock is heard on the door 10 minutes later, I open it to find Alex standing at it. "No rooms available then?" "Nope. I'm going to sleep on the tour bus. Anything is better than sharing a bed with you" "Okay fine whatever, you won't find it comfortable especially after sleeping in hotels for this tour. see you in thirty" I say my back faced to him returning on getting my pyjamas and my shower stuff out of my suitcase. I'm only met with "see you at soundcheck" and dragging of wheels on the floor and harsh slamming on the door.

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thirty minutes later I had managed to get in and out of the shower in my pyjamas. and I was just about to dry my hair when I was met with a knock on the door, and once again there stood Alex.

"Uncomfy?" I questioned. before walking away from the door.

"No actually, there were fans outside shouting for you."

"awwh is the little narcissist too afraid of his ego getting bruised" I said with a fake pout on my face and a fake mothers concern lacing my voice.

"Fuck this I'm gonna go see if any of the lads will let me bunk with them" "for fucks sake Alex leave them alone, they're all with their girlfriends for the first time in months they don't need you cockblocking them" I said but once again I'm met with the harsh slam of the door

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No more than 10 minutes later I am met with a knock on the door. I open it once again but laugh when I'm met with Alex wincing in pain from breanna holding his ear "please take him, he's not sleeping in our room" She says. "Bring him in." I say sighing

"I told you, the girls don't want you interrupting their time with their boyfriends. Now stop being such a baby and get changed for bed. It's not that bad sharing with me."

"I'll sleep on the floor thank you" Alex says tenaciously. stripping himself down to the boxers, Alex is a good looking guy that I will admit, but not near enough personality to have me on my knees risking them getting first degree burns from the carpet. He had my throat in my mouth, almost losing the words coming out of my mouth... key word, almost.

"No you fucking well won't come off it, you and I know that it is near enough impossible to have a good night's sleep on the floor, now get in the bed. I'll create a pillow barrier, if I'm really that scary sleeping with" I say while pulling the covers down for Alex to climb in

"No need. I'll just sleep on the edge so nothing happens" he says.

"fine suit yourself" I say sighing turning over the other way and moving right to the end of the bed so that there was a big enough gap between the two of us .

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We were in silence for at least half an hour before Alex broke it.

"Why do you hate me?" Alex turned and said Of course he chose now to air out our dirty laundry, right when I was just about to imagine being in Chris Evan's arms.

"I don't hate you, I just dislike you. Since the minute you moved next door." I say turning to face him

"Oh come off it, You can't hold a grudge for that long Y/n." he laughs, that sound that only ever came out of Alex once in a blue moon, the kind of laugh that has you quaking in your boots like one of the fangirls of Elvis many years ago.

FUCK, I really have fallen for him. Maybe whatever I was feeling wasn't distaste, but in actual reality, Like.

I didn't have to tell him, one thing about me was I could keep a good facade up for a long long time.

"Oh, I can and I will" I say lying through my teeth.

"No seriously, there's something else what is it?" he says raising an eyebrow.

"I...Uh..." I said my cloudy brain betraying me, I knew there was a reason. I just couldn't think of it. Not right now, not when Alex was looking like a greek god infront of me.

snap out of it Y/n

"does this feel like the hate you have for me" he said leaning in and kissing my lips holding onto my hair. The kiss wasn't slow or sensual, nor filled with distaste. It was desperate, needy and fast, filled with desire. I kissed back my hands finding a way to latch onto his gelled hair.

After mere moments he moved on top of me, pulling off my pyjama top and finding his way to my unconcealed breasts kneading them like he was a sculptor and I was his masterpiece. He then moved his way down from my lips kissing down my neck placing hot warm open mouth kisses until he reached my tits sucking them and occasionaly nibbling my nipples.

He spent a few moments on each of my boobs until he started working his way down my body until he reached my belly button sending shivers up my spine causing me to arch my back, which allowed him to tug my pyjama shorts off along with my panties. The cold air to my exposed core shocked me right though causing an audible gasp.

"Now, Now Princess, None of that yet. I haven't even showed you my expert skills" Alex said, cockily. Stopping his work for a second tilting his head up to reach my eyes looking into my eyes with his hazel ones staring right back up at me lust taking over the hazel with black.

He continued with his hot wet kisses down until he reached my core, placing a hand over my clit before he started licking my folds slow and sensual, before he dove right into my clit switching his fingers for his mouth. He entered his fingers into me easing slowly but the pace soon quickened, causing me to let out a few whimpers every now and again.

He then switched out his fingers for his tongue jerking in and out sending me right out the knot forming in the bottom of my stomach before I could even orgasm though he pulled away completely.

"what are-" "I want to be inside you when you come" He said cutting me off sitting up and ripping off his clothes, one item by one until I heard the irreplaceable rip of foil he was infront of me completely naked and he came back down over me, placing his cock back inside me without warning which made me gasp.

Our bodies moved together, slow and sensual then fast and needy before I felt that knot again in the bottom of my stomach "Alex" I let out a moan "Im about to-" "let go princess I'm there too." We both came together it was something out of a movie the way Alex's face morphed when he came. We stayed together for a few minutes before he flipped me over and both our libidos came back again.

"ride me this time sweetheart, I want to feel every inch of that pussy sweetheart" He said, I didn't need telling before I was on top of him bouncing rolling my hips every which way. It soon got me to come again. Letting out a few strings of moans before, "oh alex" "oh my god" "Oh fuck" before a final one.

"that's it sweetheart come for me let it all out"

He came soon after.

I laid ontop of him for a good while.

"Come on lets get you cleaned up darling" He said getting up and pulling out of me before picking me up and pulling me into the bathroom and sitting me on the toilet

"go for a wee sweetheart, you don't want any nasty UTI'S" I did as he said while he found a some bubble bath and started running a bath.

"why are you doing this alex?"

"Why am I doing what sweetheart?"

"Looking after me, it's not like I deserve it. I've been nothing but horrible to you these past years we've known each other"

"It's what you deserve." He said,

the silent air between us smelt of sex but also had tension riding between us. What that tension was, I had no idea.

"Can I tell you something y/n" Alex said breaking the uncomfy silence we were sitting in

"You don't have to ask if you can tell me something Alex. Just tell me."

"I acted vile towards you, because I thought it was easier than loving you Princess. I soon realised that couldn't be far from the truth though. Loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done." He said before retracting back into the silence that we had created around us.

"Alex." I said sighing

"You don't have to say you love me back right now, But there has to be something there right? what happened back there. There wasn't an ounce of hate in that sex Y/n"

"It's a lot right now Alex, But I definitely like you back." I said smiling sluggishly, the post sex sleep taking over my eyelids.

"uh uh, don't fall asleep on me princess. It's time to take a bath" He said pulling me off the toilet seat and placing me into the bathtub before climbing in behind me and sitting behind me allowing me to put my head back onto his chest.

He washed my hair, my back and let me do the rest we stayed resting against each other for a few minutes before he coaxed me out of the bathtub wrapping me up in a towel and putting my hair in another towel turban style. After getting dried I put my hair into a ponytail and put my pyjamas back on.

Alex joined me back on the bed, and pulling me close to his chest. we stayed like that before I felt my eyes grow heavy and fall asleep in Alex's warmth.

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I was woken up with chaste kisses being placed on my back with a pair of manly arms wrapped around my waist. Panic ensued for a few moments before I realised what happened last night.

Alex.

"I acted vile towards you, because I thought it was easier than loving you Princess" "Loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done"

Princess.

A smile ripped through the blank expression on my face. It felt like a dream but alas it wasn't it was real life. I had someone that loved me someone that I loved back. I always thought that this happened in romance books or movies. But, it happened in real life too. That much was proven by Alex and I.

I hummed and turned over wrapping my arms round Alex

"Morning princess," Alex said "Why do you call me that?" "what princess?" "yeah."

"because, you are a princess and you deserve the world of luxuries" "Alex" I said tearing up "That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me"

"don't cry darling, I didn't mean to make you cry. I've done that enough over the years we've known each other"

"Happy tears I promise" I say silence crowding over us, But this time a nice comfortable one, Unlike the uncomfy tension one last night in the bathroom.

"I've been doing some thinking" I say this time me being the one to break the silence.

"Oh yeah? what's that darling?"

"I realised that I feel the same way you feel about me, I realised that I haven't felt like this ever, not when I was with other people, I never felt about them the same way the way I feel about you. I love you back Alex." I say before I get a kiss on my lips. This time filled with love, no desire for it to turn into something deeper.

Though we were soon burst out of our bubble by a knock at the door we both groaned I got up and answered the door.

"What do you want Matt?"

"Oh shit, You and Alex had sex didn't you. EWWW, ALEX MY SISTER DUDE?"

"Shut up what do you want?"

"You didn't deny it. It's true then?"

"yes. Alex and I are now seeing eachother. It happened last night. Now. Answer my question. What. Do. You. Want?"

"good to know. Your going to miss breakfast, It ends in half an hour and also soundcheck starts in 2 hours so make sure you're at the tour bus with 15 minutes to spare. Thank you goodbye. guess I won't need to be telling Ian to book those spare rooms after all." Matt says turning his back as I go to the shut door.

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END.

[hopeymchope]

What do you think is the reason why Sayaka disliked Homura even back when she was still Moemura? I will admit that sayaka had good reasons to dislike and distrust Homura in the PMMM anime because Homura was acting quite callous and overall pretty shady, but why did she dislike her so much even in the older timeliness?

I want to open by saying: I don't think Sayaka has come off as being too harsh towards "Moemura" in the timelines we've seen. Certainly in the Magia Record game storylines we've seen with both of them, they seem to get on relatively fine? I guess it might be a little snippy at times. Hence: "relatively." But even so, it's not too bad? Maybe you remember some examples better than my brain can pull out right now.

The biggest example of this sort of Anti-Moemura tension that I can remember is from the main PMMM series when Sayaka's just instantly dismissive of Homura when Moemura tries to straight-up just tell the group what Kyubey is hiding. And I could go off on a whole tangent here about why that scene bothers the crap outta me... but I'll save it for the end of this post and put it under a cut. I go off-topic too much as it is in these answers. :P

Okay, so why does Sayaka instantly shut Homura down when Homura is just telling her the truth (and pretty gently at that)? Why is there that undercurrent of snippiness between them at times? My instinct is: Probably jealousy? Moemura quickly gets close to Madoka and seems to "replace" Sayaka as Madoka's closest friend. Sayaka's known Madoka longer, so that's gotta sting. Plus, y'know, the yuri undertones are strong with this show. Could be a little bit of "jilted lover" layered in there.

So I think that's the crux of it. But I confess that, to me, the most awkward relationship among the "Holy Quintet" is actually the one between Regular/Edgy Homura and Mami. Those two... even before I got to see Rebellion, I was reading the manga spinoffs and thinking, "Wow, they don't like each other very much." At their very cores, they are diametrically opposed forces. Mami is largely selfless whereas Homura is largely focused on selfish desires. Mami is always doing her best to look past her regrets and make the most of what she's got even when things are tough, whereas Homura refuses to be satisfied with fate's design and is a pile of regret and angst. And then the two of them going at each other in that amazing Rebellion battle felt like a big payoff to that tension.

Fair warning: I’m now gonna go off on a side rant about why the scene/timeline where Sayaka just instantly shuts down Moemura's truth-telling just bugs the crap out of me. :P lol

The short version is: That scene makes zero sense if you think about it for one minute. It's pretty obviously just a quick-&-dirty patch to wallpaper over the question of "Why doesn't she just tell them?" Urobuchi would've been better off showing us some bad consequences as a result of just telling them up-front... but in fairness, I suspect he knows that. I think he probably went with this hyperfast/full-of-holes way to say "Nah, wouldn't work" due to the time constraints of the medium. So I kinda get why it needed to be this way. I just wish we could've handled it more smoothly.

Anyway: Why do I insist that Sayaka's instantaneous denial of there being any possibility of Homura telling the truth make "zero sense"? Because they can literally just agree to ask Kyubey. That's all it would take to clear this up - a single, short conversation. Low effort, high return. I seriously doubt the entire team would just refuse to even fucking talk to him if Homura were to say "Why don't you just talk to Kyubey?" or something to that effect. That'd be ridiculous.

So yeah, literally just ask him about it! History proves that he won't even deny anything! He may avoid sharing information or imply things that aren't true without ever saying them, but he doesn't outright lie. That's kind of a major character trait for him/them.

In a perfect world, there would've been time for us to see that conversation play out, and then show how directly sharing that knowledge is ultimately still disastrous for the team. But hey, whatevs. I understand that we were working within the confines of a 13-episode series which — at the time — had no reason to assume it'd be expanded upon.

[dearweirdme]

That crazy jikooker anon is doing too much honestly.

"you don't know if they spend time together off cam" well, we kinda do know that Jikook haven't seen each other a lot since JK had no idea about Jimin's schedules, promotions etc. I'd say a boyfriend who sees him on the regular would know.

Jikookers excuse in that case is "Jimin was busy, he didn't have time, he was preparing his album for almost a year". Nor Jimin's neither even busier at the time Hobi's schedule stood in the way of them going to a football match a year ago. I remember fandom went crazy "omg they know each other" style cause it was first interaction since ch2 started. Jimin had no problem flying early to the US to watch Hobipalooza, he had no problem going to Yoongi's show in the US despite his busy schedule there.

Also, apparently Jungkook was also very busy preparing for his album, he just didn't talk about it. So the "busy" excuse kinda doesn't work here.

On Fallon show Jimmy asked Jimin if he talks to other members Jimin's answer "We keep in touch", then Jimmy asked with who in particular and Jimin's immediate answer with no hesitation was "With J-hope", then he added "with Suga" and only then as if he decided to correct the answer he added "everyone". Now I'm sure they all talk to each other but this clearly shows who he actually kept in contact with the most. And it's quite visible.

White day this, white day that. Just like JK wasn't alone with Tae, he wasn't alone with Jimin. They went with four other people there once (despite all the fanfiction stories jikookers create). If they wanted a romantic day they would've spend it alone together not with four other people in the random restaurant where they could be (and were) easily spotted by other people.

All of the Jimin mentions in JK's live were either due to him reading something about Jimin in the comments or because Jimin was actively promoting and there was content.

Tae only had Jinnys kitchen. No music whatsoever since 2021. And there are so many reasons why JK would not react to it or watch it live. First, JK's physical 100 welive happened before Jinnys even aired. So by the time first episode came out he probably knew that it gonna be copyright striked and was probably warned not to do that again. Second, to us fans it's a rare opportunity to watch Tae in a show, to see him somewhere in general, but it's obviously not like that for JK, he sees him all the time and probably knew what was happening there anyway. Third, it may just not be the format he enjoys. Like, would I watch it without Tae in it? No, I'm not really a fan of shows like this. And finally, who says he didn't watch it? We don't know. Just like anon says "they could have went out and just didn't tell us". JK could've watched the show and not say a thing. We do know however that prior to welive he didn't watch that episode of Lee Mujins Service with Jimin.

Hi anon!

Not liking the "crazy" mention much, but I do agree with your general point of view. I do think we've more reason to think Tae and Jk meet on a regular base than Jimin and Jk. I also see the lack of personal knowledge and in footage of Jk and Jimin together (Hobi's enlistment bomb and Jk visiting Jimin's practice) I got the sense they hadn't seen each other much. That doesn't mean they're not close, they're just not closer than Tae and Jk.

Aside from the Taennie stuff, Taekookers have had a better few months. Jikookers haven't had as much to go on, and the footage they did get wasn't satisfactory. Many are actually concerned (maybe not the correct wording) that Jk and Jimin have had issues. So tat's probably why by they are so elated about the Taennie stuff and Jk watching Jimin content. But the thing is... they're making it some kind of competition. Like their ship is real because ours isn't. And that is just so weird to me. Even if Taennie were real (yeah no) I still wouldn't think Jk and Jimin are a couple. I'm so sure about that.

Days like White day and valentines day mean very little to me personally. In my society it's really more something teenagers or newly in love people do. Maybe it's more a thing In SK, but if that is the case then them going out with friends is definitely not a romantic thing to do. It's grasping, because it isn't logical. Their reasoning only makes sense if you think Jk and Jimin want to hint to fandom about them being together, but that then goes against Jimin wanting to be private. So yeah no.

[yeetus-feetus]

okay so my girlfriend had this huge big fight with her girlfriend.

Now thing is, we all used to be in a relationship together, they were both my girlfriends, and they were each other's girlfriends blah blah blah. Polyamory okay.

Anyways, when I broke up with the other mutually, we both agreed we weren't going to make the other girl pick sides, and we've been respectful of our girlfriend's choice to continue dating the both of us. I've don't have a problem with my girlfriend dating my ex, as long as she's happy and everyone in the situation is happy.

And it has been nice the way things are. Really nice.

Except, now- four 1/2 months later, my girlfriend is crying to me about some really cruel things her girlfriend has done and I've been there supporting her through it the past few days. But I'm really really tempted to tell her she needs to drop this girl, and I feel guilty about it.

Because I told her I wouldn't intervene in her other relationship and I'd respect her decisions, but at the same time I feel really really angry at my ex for the way she's treated our girlfriend and I don't thinks it's fair for her to continue going through this.

I care for her so much, and I only want the best for her. I really want to just want to go off about how she deserves to be treated better and why should should break up with her girlfriend, because she genuinely is treating her like shit.

Like the same way I shook some sense into my best friend last week because she went back to that one boy- y'know the kind I'm talking about- just so I can snap some sense into her. But I also feel like that might come off the wrong way?

Like sure, shaking some sense into your bestie who's in a toxic relationship is one thing, but it's different when you're dating the person who's in a toxic relationship with someone else.

Like what am I supposed to do?

If I tell her to break up with the girlfriend I'm afraid of coming off like I'm undermining her decisions or that she might think I only want her to myself?

Which she probably won't think at all actually, considering we've been together for what? 2 1/2 years now. I'm probably just overthinking this WAY too much. I know she'll understand where I'm really coming from, but there's just this big IF causing me anxiety about it. And it doesn't help that it's so close to Christmas because my anxiety goes fucking haywire this time of year!

But yeah, so, that's the situation rn.

[dudecusmaximus]

1.

SuperhumanGMO Breathless by Dustin Child, (c) 2023/ Chapter two.

(4)

Back in the 1920s

At an art deco speakeasy and night club. Shannon is now a singer on stage being harassed by her boss Marcus.

"You call that singing? " Marcus shouted. "Who's torturing a cat. You can be replaced."

"That's fine with me," said Shannon. "At least I get to go home and get some sleep."

"That's why I hired you," laughed Marcus. "You're a feisty dame."

Just then Detective Lenard Tracy and his hat squad of cops barged in the room and started looking around. "I'm here to shut down, this pop stand," said Lenard

2.

walking up to Marcus and getting in his face.

"Hey I have paid good money so you guys would leave me and my business alone," said Marcus. "You need a warrant. Good luck in getting a judge to sign one. I own them as well."

"I must have missed the invoices," said Lenard. "Take a look around boy's you might find some probable cause." Lenard cold stared at Marcus. "The police are under new management, and I am rich so your money means nothing to me."

"Lousy trust fund baby," said Marcus. "Why do you even work for the cops?"

"Everyone needs a hobby," retorted Lenard. "My mine is putting scum like you behind bars."

"I'm just a capitalist," said Marcus. "It's the American way."

"Is murder the American way?" Lenard asked.

"Yes"

3.

"The body of your competition back at the morgue, probably wouldn't agree."

Lenard saw Shannon on the stage. "Hey what's a classy dame like you working for two but thug like Marcus?"

"Maybe I'm just slumming it," replied Shannon. "I just might trade up for a wealthy straitlaced cop to settle down with," said Shannon. "Are you interested?"

"Sorry I'm spoken for," said Lenard. "Stay toasty. Come on boys, time to go. We've made our point."

"Oh, please stay," said Marcus sarcastically.

"See you around, doll face," said Lenard winking at Shannon."

"I'll be looking forward to it," flirted Shannon as Lenard and his squad left the building.

"You better stay away from that cop," warned Marcus. "Your mine and I own you. He will only bring you trouble."

"Maybe I'm looking for a bit of trouble,"

4.

said Shannon.

Marcus walk up to Shannon and slapped her in the face with the back of his hand. "Is that the trouble you are looking for?" He grabbed her by the arms and shook her then slapper her again with the palm of his hand.

Sometime latter, Shannon is laying in the street with a gunshot wound to the stomach. Lenard rush to her side followed by a firey redhead woman.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you," said Lenard kneeling and leaning over Shannon.

"It's alright," coughed Shannon. "You are here now."

"A lot of good that does." Lenard fought back the tears. "I would have hoped we would gotten to know each other better."

"Do you believe souls are eternal and can come back in a different life?"

5.

Shannon asked Lenard.

"I never really thought about it," replied Lenard. "Yeah I guess it's so."

"Then this is not the end." Shannon sat up and kissed Lenard on the mouth. "I will find you again and maybe in that time we can be together." Shannon laid back down and her eyes closed. Then She passed away.

The redheaded women, Lori put her hand on Lenard's shoulder as he wept.

"She was just some floosy," said Lori. "I'm here and no one will ever take you from me. Not in this life or the next."

"You are cruel," said Lenard.

"You are mine, forever. " An evil smile crossed Lori's face. " Like you have choice."

1.

(5)

Back in the present.

"Nooooo!" Lori screams to the ceiling. Her sapphire blue eyes soon redden with tears as she pulls at her shiny blonde hair with black streaks. "Why...! You bastard?"

"You called," Lorilie, a spirit manifestation of Lori dressed in black spandex, materialize next to the bed. "I knew one day you would."

"I want to die," Lori curled into ball and sobbed into her pillow."

""Oh please, this again with the de-lifing yourself thoughts," Lorilie rolled her eyes, "I thought we had worked pass this already. "When you want to kill yourself, try killing someone else to see if that will make you feel better." Lorilie held out one hand. A hologram of Lenard and Shannon making love appeared on the

2.

bed next to Lori. "But which one, or maybe both."

"They are both Superhuman," Lori got out of bed and stared at the hologram. "It wouldn't be easy. Besides I can't harm Lenard, I love him too much."

"That's why I'm here," said Lorilie. He's nothing that an incendiary missile wouldn't fix. I'm sure you guys got a few hidden in this mansion, if not somewhere on the ranch."

"Please, don't kill him!" Lori made a pouty face toward Lorilie.

"Just go back to sleep," Lorilie helped Lori's head back down to her pillow, Lori soon was asleep again. Don't worry my love, I will take care of everything.

3.

(6)

Lenard woke up with Shannon in his arms. The moldy smell had returned and the apartment was burnt out and rundown again.

"Holy shit," shouted Lenard as he jumped out of the bed. "Lori knows, she and I are linked and I forget to set up a mental block. My powers were spread to thin, even though I was going to tell her later anyway."

Shannon returned to her zombie form. "God no, I'm still undead," Shannon screamed in her mind because she wasn't breathing again.

"The glamour wore off," explained Lenard.

"You glamoured me?" Shannon thought. "None of it was real."

"Well we did commit adultery," said Lenard. "I'm sure Lori will forgive me. It's

4.

not the first time this happened in my line of duty. She's obsessed with me, as long as I keep coming home to her she will get over it."

"I'm so repulsive," thought Shannon. "Glamouring me wasn't enough of an insult, but you don't love me and want to run to your wife."

"I was glamouring the entire room," said Lenard. "Didn't you say you were going to leave?"

"I know I said I would leave," thought Shannon. "But I would rather be buried alive than to be forced to be parted from you again."

"Either way we would be separated," said Lenard. "But Lori would track you down no matter where you go, because I do love you and she won't stand for that."

"You really love me?" Thought Shannon.

"Yes, and I realized now that a war

5.

with zombie supersoldiers is coming," explained Lenard. "Instead of endangering the city, you could be it's savior."

"Do you think you could teach me to use the Glamour on myself?" Thought Shannon not hearing anything Lenard just said.

"I can train you to do a lot of things,"said Lenard. "Right now I need some of your DNA."

"You just gave me some of yours," thought Shannon. "I guess that's fair."

"We need to leave this hell hole and go to one of my safe houses with a lab and a ...shower."

"That could be fun," thought Shannon flirting with Lenard.

"I'm going to dig this hole deeper aren't I?" Lenard blushed. "I really should talk to Lori first.

1.

(7)

Lenard walk into the foyer of his darkened house. He all ready new he was in deep shit, so he had his gun ready for self defense. He was thinking he might mame Lori a bit if she attacked him. He hoped it would calm her down long enough to talk things over.

"Welcome home, sweety." Lorilie stood at the top of the stairs with a missile launcher in her hands. "I've been writing all morning for you." She fired the missile and Lenard quickly dodged it. The missile went into the dinning room, obliterating it. A ding sound came from the kitchen. "Soups on!"

"To bad you destroyed the dining room, honey!" Lenard said from hiding.

"That's ok I'll eat it by our new pool I just started to put in. Not that you will be around to enjoy it." Lorilie started to

2.

reload.

"You're Lorilie aren't you?" Stated Lenard.

What was your first clue, Dicklock!" Lorilie locked in the the missile, and started heading down the stairs. "Come out, come out, where ever you are. Please I haven't seen you all day and I have missed you. Besides some more walls need to come down, because I was thinking about putting in a mausoleum to store our ashes after I finished. At least then I can keep you home more.

Lenard reached out of the shadows from inside the wall. Before she could react he disarmed her and smacked her to the floor. "I liked the house the way it was."

"I will bury you and your whore," said Lorilie as she got to her feet, under the aim of Lenard's plasma gun. Just then a streak of black rammed into Lorilie and

3.

she flew into a wall breaking the sheet rock. Then she disappeared.

"Did I kill her?" Thought Shannon.

"No that's just a physical manifestation of Lori's alter ego. "She comes out when Lori can't do something on her own, like ending my life. The real Lori is probably a sleep some where, she has Narcolepsy."

A moment later the real Lori came down from the ceiling and landed on Shannon's back, clawing, scratch, pulling hair and screaming.

"Is this one fake, too?" Thought Shannon while trying to shake Lori off.

"That's the real one," said Lenard, "and I don't think she has a problem killing you."

Shannon reversed head butted Lori in the face. Lori fell off Shannon, She flipped around ready for Lori's counter attack. But Instead Lori sat with her knees to her chest and face in her arms sobbing.

4.

Lenard had never seen her that defeated before. "I don't know what to say, Lori. It...it just happened, because there had been a lot of sexual tension between me and Shannon when last we met. We are generally programed to want to mate with each other. I couldn't control myself any longer. I seak no forgiveness. Like every thing else we deal with that we can't talk about because of our line of work. We need to let the pain go and move forward."

"This is not just business," sniffled Lori. "Love her and I don't like to share. Get the out of my home, both of you. Lenard you and I will talk later when I'm over this, I don't know when."

"As you wish," said Lenard.

"And quoting "The Princess bride" won't make things ok this time." Lori put her face back in her arms and silently cried.

5.

Shannon took Lenard's hand and they walk out the door. Lenard wanted too but he didn't look back.

Lori watch them walk away and a wicked smile came across her face.

[algebaricproofy]

Fuck You Series: Part 1

Part 2: Part3 part4 part5 part6

genre: smut, bit of angst, fluff, band au, uni au, enemies to lovers au

pairing: beomgyu x gn reader (afab tho when it comes to smut parts)

warnings: nsfw, sub! beomgyu, dom! reader, just reader and beomgyu arguing with each other for so goddamn long, degrading & slut shaming

synopsis: you and Beomgyu are both from infamous rival bands at the same uni, you being the bassist of your band: Blue Moon. Beomgyu being the lead guitarist of his band: Tomorrow x Together . You hate Beomgyu the most out of all of them though and one night at a party you decide to teach him a "lesson" and become...fuck buddies ??

word count: 1.2k

Song of the chapter: Bad influence - Bernard Park

Loud music blared, a faint smell of drugs, alcohol and BO drifted over the room. People were awfully dancing about, flailing their arms with red solo cups accompanying their hands. A typical house party.

You weren't very much of a fan to be honest, but that was what uni life was famous for: being absolutely hammered and having a lecture the next day in the morning with a hangover. All old people were so reminiscent of their uni days you just thought you'd be thankful in the future.

Suddenly needing to go to the bathroom, you go upstairs, wading past the numerous people and see a door that you assume could be it. You reach for the knob but your hands are met with someone else's instead.

Of course it was Choi Beomgyu.

"I was going to the bathroom first thank you very much." You say, pulling his hand away from the knob.

"No way I need to go right now." He says, putting his hand back on the doorknob.

"So do I and I'm going first." You argue.

Both of you continue bickering for a while, each pulling each other's hands away from the knob and shouting at each other until you've had enough and just turn it, both of you falling forwards into the room that was most definitely not even the bathroom.

"What a dumbass. You didn't even know whether it was the bathroom", Beomgyu sneers at you.

"Neither did you?"

"Yeah but I just assumed it was since your face looked like you were gonna piss right there and you were going towards the door like your life depended on it."

"Fuck off."

"Your band performing at the the uni music festival then?" He asks, ignoring you.

"Yeah we are obviously, both of our bands are the only reason why people even go."

"I can understand why people would go for us but not really for you guys."

"I could say the same for you. Your band is like barely even mediocre at best."

"Yeah? Go on, give me one reason."

"Well first off, all your songs are so fucking annoying they just use the same melody and lyrics over and over and over again like your newest track, lover loser or whatever? Like, we get you're a loser and we agree actually but you don't have to keep repeating it every 5 seconds."

"As your latest song was any better? I wouldn't even classify that a song. What even was that shit I swear my ears were actually bleeding"

"Also what even is your fucking band name? Tomorrow x together? It just sounds like you typed in band name generator and picked the first thing you saw."

"Hey! Our name has a very sentimental meaning actually! We've come together under one dream in hopes of buil-"

"Yeah I've heard that way too many times."

"Also what even is your guitarist, bro can't improvise for shit it's like they never learnt any basic scales"

"Ryujin is an extremely talented guitarist and that's rich coming from you."

"Um no I can-"

You can't even be bothered to pay attention to whatever crap he was saying, instead you focus your attention on what his face looked like right now. His pretty perfectly shaped and sized eyebrows were furrowed at you, nose slightly scrunched, long hair swaying and those plump lips moving about fast, probably spewing something about you or your band members. Sure you disliked him but he was slightly attractive, you hate to admit. Why would the universe gift someone who was so annoying such a face like that?

You hated everything else about him though, the way he thought so highly of himself and was such a cocky bitch and the way he treated you and your band.

It made you want to see what he'd be like underneath you, all of that stripped, begging you for mercy.

So when you attached your lips to his, shutting him from whatever shit he was going on about, you didn't expect him to let you continue or to kiss you back. And when you grabbed him by both of his wrists, pinning them by the sides of his head and moving him towards the bed, you expected him to let go immediately and ask you if you've lost your mind. Had you lost your mind? It wasn't even like you could blame it on the alcohol because you hadn't had any.

Even when you were now trailing rough kisses on his neck, you were still waiting for him to throw you off him but he didn't. Only squeezing his eyes shut, same furrowed brows and slight whimpers escaping his lips.

It made you wonder what other sounds he could make so one of your hands travelled to his clothed dick and you started palming him, earning extraordinarily pretty moans and gasps from him, especially when you only focused on his sensitive tip.

You could tell he couldn't take anymore of it. His mouth was hanging wide open, his only free hand squeezed tightly shut. You smirk at his state. Never would you have thought you'd see him this way.

"I didn't know you were such a plain slut, Beomgyu", You laugh but he only moans out your name in response, "What? Want me to fuck you?"

He nods his head fast and whines out a please.

"Say my band's better than yours and that Ryujin is a better lead guitarist than you could ever be then"

He looks at you with pleading eyes.

"No? Okay then." You stop what you're doing and start to get off him but he stops you by grabbing your hand.

"Your band...is better than mine and Ryujin...is a better lead guitarist than I'll ever be" He doesn't make eye contact with you, his head down but you swear you can see tears in his eyes. He must feel totally humiliated right now it's quite funny actually.

"Aw. What a good boy." You say sarcastically, ruffling his hair then finally freeing his painfully hard dick which was pretty much oozing with precum. Taking off your pants too, you position his dick at your entrance and slowly sink down, Beomgyu throwing his head back, already a moaning mess.

You pin his hands next to his head again and start to move and roll your hips on him. Really, such pretty moans were coming out of him, encouraging you to go at a much faster pace. Until finally, you could tell he was gonna cum any second, evident from the way his moaning and whimpering became more and more frequent and high pitched and how is eyes were rolling back slightly and then, obviously him saying "I'm gonna cum" and then he does. Quite a lot. But you carry on rolling your hips on his dick.

“W-what are you doing?” He asks, gasping

“Oh I’m not done with you yet Choi Beomgyu.”

Reblogs are really appreciated <;33

a/n: tell me if you want to be added to the taglist in the comments of this post or ask box ! I'm not sure if I'll continue this bc I'm dying from cringeness rn

[sweettodo]

we're your best friends.

jean kirstein x freader x eren jaeger.

includes : smut, threesome, swearing, innocent / naive y/n, taking virginity.

word count : 3,4k

a / n , thank you for 400 ( 450 as of 3 / 8 / 21 ) , i love you all <3 you're all so special to me and i’m grateful for you. i hope we can grow together as a big ole’ happy family !

"Do you guys ever stop?!" you bellow, your bedroom filled with the shouting amongst the two men in front of you, their rough voices which completely washed away any interjections you gave.

Sighing, you grab one of your notebooks from your desk, winding up your shoulder, and throwing it at Eren. The book slaps him in the face and he shouts, his hand rubbing his face.

"The fuck y/n!" He screeches, Jean, shutting up right after Eren, hair messy from tugging at it out of frustration. You wondered why a simple conversation about who would be the better gentleman; the better man. We had commenced in the formal meeting area- your room- hours ago, to study; hence the notebook used to bonk Eren's pitiful face, "you don't get it." He huffs.

"You two better stop acting childish before I kick you out." Walking between them and plopping down on your bed, pleased to see that the battle had now dwindled from your -very- empty threat. You couldn't kick them out even if you wanted to.

Everyone at school was very well acquainted with the fact that Jean and Eren both had a persistent problem of rivalry, they fought about everything; from who had the better penmanship, better wardrobes, better walk, to who was prettier.... yes, prettier.

Eren stubbornly sits on one corner of the bed, traversing his legs with his back pressed against the wall, Kerstein made himself relaxed in your desk chair, "as I was saying, before I was so impolitely interrupted-" you snort, glancing at the two men, "you both are gentleman, but it's more than just how you talk to a girl."

"Yeah don't be ridiculous, I'm good at more than you think y/n." Jean boasts, smirking and tauntingly glaring at Eren who returns the glare, hair seeping down his shoulders as he rolls his eyes at the cocky Kerstein.

"I'm a sex god, I can sex anyone up, anytime- anywhere." Jean lunging to his feet and stupidly rocking his hips side to side like the fuck-boy he knows he is, virtually wearing it like a badge. Eren and you snickered at him.

Jean grunts, finger in the air tauntingly, "alright! It's not that funny anymore! Quit laughing!" tears brimming your eyes, chest aching from laughing, the blonde now taking into account that you two were more laughing at him, rather than with him.

Defensively, he shouts, "Keep laughing, virgin." Jean grins, squatting back down in the chair dramatically.

"I can name plenty of girls who want to get with me." Eren retorts. Laying your back against the headboard, listening as Eren spews stories about the 'countless sexcapades' he has with girls every week and the 'countless' girls who plead to fuck him on the daily.

"So childish, especially for a couple of university students."

You're dismissed again, "Y/n, who do you think would be better in bed, be honest!" you evaluate the question as much as you could, not to mention how hard it was to even imagine.

Simply putting it, you were a prude.

They wait hastily for your reply, curious to what you had to say, the silence provoking them to shuffle in their seats.

"I think... hm, Jean." Eren groans out in defeat, Jean cackling and throwing his head back, Eren pouts and crosses his arms, huffing out.

"You know what, how the fuck would you know anyway, huh?" rolling your eyes, Jean who is taking his sweatshirt off and hanging it off your chair, heeding to Eren, who is still weeping, "Jean, that doesn't count, she's never gotten with either of us, to begin with, her judgment doesn't count." Declaring matter-of-factly, Jean rubs his chin with his thumb and index, looking into the distance like he was contemplating to speak.

You watched as Eren stands in annoyance, his arms still crossed, "I mean, we could show her, but-"

"-We should, then it'll be fair."

Left in utter shock, were they insinuating you do something so delusional and sinful with your two closest friends? wouldn't that ruin years of friendship? Have they no morals? And to think Eren would have a little more decency.

"No, no way, don't be ridiculous."

Jean sucks his teeth, leaning in his chair so his elbows sat on his knees, the energy in the room had drastically changed, they were now watching you, making your hands anxiously tremble, their eyes scanning yours, while you tried to look at anything but them, heart out of your chest and now in your throat, they sat so relaxed, so casual like the proposition of sex didn't even phase them.

"C'mon, I want you to tell us who's better, you're our best friend, you're the best one to determine who's best." Jean pouts, this was a very clear-detectable manipulation, and you were not inept.

"Are you trying to manipulate me, Kirstein?" he shakes his head, leisurely stretching back into the chair, "because if you are it won't work on me." Jean peeks over to Eren, looking to be affirmed.

Eren plays with the hem of his shirt, a smug look on his lips, looking down to attempt to hide it.

Both men have talked about getting you to become their little toy, countless times at dinner with all the other cadets to embarrass you- or during the summer when you wore shorts to practice with your gear, sparring with a tank top, they both imagined unholy things, things you would believe to be appalling. "How about- better kisser?" tilting your head, that wasn't so much worse.

"Yeah, we've nearly kissed before too," Jean interjects, he saw your eyebrows scrunch, looking mindless, eyes so naive, his head full of vile thoughts, ways he and Eren could corrupt you, tear you open, and leave you begging for more. But they clearly couldn't let you know what they talked about.

So innocent.

"Sharing drinks," nodding slowly, the boys internally prayed you would loosen up only just a little, just a foot in the door so they could kick the fucking door down and break you in- they both figured it was about time anyways; you were a college student and hadn't done anything?

But you had not even a clue, that dumb little head of yours, how could you not comprehend their tactics. This was their way to get your legs open? This was laughable to them; too easy.

Dragging your ass across the bed, not leaning on the wall anymore; you sat criss-cross in the middle of the mattress, center of their attention, "I guess you're right." Mind racing, Jean would never talk to you again if you had said no to at least kissing, and Eren would probably get upset with you, not eager in being your friend, most likely following in his friend's lead.

Jean rolls closer to the side of the bed in your chair, not even a foot away from you.

"I can go first, Eren?" Eren nods, he was beyond delighted, this was fucking crazy. Truth was, Eren, who was seldom nervous over this type of thing; yet he was envious that Jean could be so... persistent; wishing he could be the same. With Jean grabbing your chin, such a pretty face you had, especially when you were anxious.

Easy to mold, easy to manipulate you; to do whatever he wanted with a bat of his eyelashes and a polite smile.

And here he was- in the back of his head - telling himself that he needed to teach you not to be so susceptible from now on.

He squanders no time, capturing your lips with his own, moving in a swift and low action, you kiss him back. He was incredible, it was at the perfect pace, the residing taste of mint gum that filled your mouth.

No wonder the girls loved Jean so much.

His thumb caressing your cheek which sent little cringes of anxiety throughout your body- realizing you had to kiss Eren after this, this was going to make you so dirty, but how could you kiss Jean and leave your other friend out? How unreasonable that would be.

Eren's abrupt words make you jump, "alright horse face, stop hogging and share." Jean pulls back, lips light rosy pink, even a little swollen, he rolls backward in the chair, the other young man sits up in front of you while still comfortable on the bed.

Instead of Jean's approach, Eren tilts your head, kissing your jawline first, tensing up from the ticklish feeling, soft lips establishing morale towards your choice in agreeing to do what they asserted; it wasn't that terrible after all.

He kisses up to the corner of your mouth and then slowly kisses you on the lips, eyes fluttering closed, drunk off his smell, stomach doing backflips.

Gradually pulling back, he's smiling like a fool before scooching backward back to his spot.

"Who do you think was better?" Jean rushes, blushing and looking to your lap, thumbs playing with each other, subconsciously hoping they would do a little more.  You didn't know who was better, they both were so good, too good.

"I don't know, you both are really good,"

Jean was going mad, you tasted so fucking good, and he didn't know how much longer he could contain himself, trying to remain relaxed.

Eren's dick twitching in his pants when he heard you finally say his name instead of Kerstein's, he was ecstatic...

Jean stands and scoffs, "alright I'll give him that, but I'm good at everything else. Eren s' a fucking virgin boy." biting your tongue, you felt guilty, Jean was really good, telling yourself 'maybe I should stop being so uptight, they would never actually hurt me.' Eren sees you ponder, looking into space while you stewed on your sentiments, Jean with no awareness as he rambles on and on about how experienced he is.

Gnawing on your bottom lip, anxious, you needed to make the first move- you needed to make this right.

Slowly, making sure they're both watching, you begin to unbutton your blouse, bottom-up.

"What are you doing?"

"You two wanted to show me who was better?"

Jean's eyes bug out of his head, smile growing across his face, Eren stands, embarrassed from your suggestion, they were nearly jumping for joy, "but I don't know ho-"

Jean jerked your shoulders, "relax," He whispers, out comes a shaky breath when his hands waste no time to finish unbuttoning your top. "You trust us, you wanna' feel good, right?"

The room was silent besides the pounding of your heart; could it have been any louder?

Blouse wide open for both of them to see your chest. Eren, who sat inches from you tugged at the fabric on your right shoulder, "so pretty- look at these Eren," Jean's large hands cupping your tits, sitting pretty in your bra, your throat grows increasingly dry, the feeling in between your legs tingling, though, you had no idea how to interpret it.

Eren stands back up, standing shoulder to shoulder with his friend, his hand caressing down your back and gripping at the flesh of your skin.

Looking at them as they stare at your chest, their hands all over you. "Do you know how to do anything at all?" Eren asks, shaking his head, he looks at Jean and pulls his hand back, "Jean and I are gonna ake care of you."

"Yeah, okay." Jean pushing you on your back, legs barely open, unbuttoned your pants, tugging them off hungrily. Both looking at you with lust-filled eyes, they had never seen you like this; so bare. Your legs are propped up so Jean and Eren can both stand before them. Their hands trailing up your jittery thighs.

"I'll get you ready, yeah? I don't want to hurt you." Responding with a simple nod, Jean is crouching down so his head is leveled to your clothed cunt, Eren sits back on the bed and slides his hand under your back; with one hand, he's unclasping your bra and peeling it off your body, his soft hands massaging your tits, nipples sensitive when his thumbs spend extra time on them.

Nerves doubling over when Jean's hands now pulling down your matching panties, head snapping up, legs shutting to deter them, Eren pushing you back down. "Calm down, you'll be fine." He reassures.

Eren feeling the soft skin, under his hands, rolling your nipple in between his fingers, Jean dragging his large hands in between your thighs, "have you ever fingered yourself y/n? Made yourself cum?" beyond embarrassed, the way they were taking their time on you, slowly feeling you up, you were almost becoming frustrated. Shaking your head, Jean clicks his tongue, "this might feel weird, but you trust us, right?" An audible gasp is shot out of your mouth when his middle finger is raking up between your folds.

Hissing out as he adds another finger, both of them running up and down your slick pussy, pressing down on a bundle of nerves, "feels- weird!" the more he played around with your sensitive clit, the more your leg twitched, the ticking feeling filling up your stomach, core flexing as he repeated his offense, the same sensitive rubs as his two fingers curled and fucked into you.

"Jean-” He was going so slow, making sure he didn't stretch you out too much, he needed to save that for later.

"Here, come taste."

Eren's grabbing Jean's hand, your tongue lolling out, his coated fingers dragging down your tongue, lips wrapping around his digits, tasting the juices from your cunt.

"Tastes good, right?" fingers still deep in your mouth, you're nodding like a fool, Jean smiling at the sight of the reaction bestowed on your face, the taste of your cum tainting your tastebuds; "of course she likes it, look at her, she wants more."

Eren nods in return, he leans down over you, soft hair falling on your chest as he leaves wet little kisses down your chest, peppering you with his lips down to your belly button.

Watching Jean, who is getting on the bed beside you, his knees next to your head, Eren jumping into action to take his best friends place, his sweats falling low just blow his v- line, he pushes them down, craning your neck to look up at Jean who his also pulling down his pants.

Your throat squeezes shut, lifting your head, "I don't you think that I-" Jean's hand grabbing your hair to silence you, jerking your neck up.

"Don't worry, I told you we'll help you."

"Jean, chill out a little." Eren mumbles, your head getting dropped back onto the bed, eyes fixated on Eren's wide torso, the tent in his boxers which made your mouth water, "I'll go slow, okay?" Palming his cock through his boxers, he holds your legs from under your knees, his boxers just under his cock, sliding his hand down and removes the little bit of coverage he had left. Your eyes widening, he spits in his hand, stroking his throbbing tip a few times with his thumb before adjusting forward and rubbing his raw cock up against your slicked pussy.

The feeling of Eren's thick tip squeezing inside of you makes you cry out in pain, the stinging pain of Eren taking his time to slide into you, fitting into you as much as he can.

Jean pinning your arms up above your head, tears spilling from your eyes, "h-hurts!" you whine, Jean beside you pumping his cock in his fist.

"So fuckin' tight, no wonder it hurts so bad." His hands pinning your legs open and up, he pulls out.

Without warning, he picks up speed, your body curling up from the pressure.

“I forgot what virgin pussy feels like, so tight-” he mumbled, his eyes rolling to the back of his head from the way he could feel his heartbeat in his cock, he needed this so bad.

The pressure soon becomes desirable, wanting to feel it everything he thrusts into you, your complaints soon turn to moans, looking at jean through your eyelashes while he's fixated on the way your boobs bounce while Eren dives deeper into you.

"Don't forget to help Jean out, remember?"

You're situating yourself up on your elbows, turning your body so your head is between Jean's thighs, he's pushing your hair back and holding it in a loose but sufficient grip, "let me guide you."

His thumb swipes down your bottom lip, opening your jaw, tongue sliding past your lips to wrap around his cock like it's instinct.

"Good, just like that," he groans, his hand on the back of your head guiding you further down the base of his cock, Eren fucking you slowly, savoring the feeling of your walls clench around him, sucking him in, he could stay like this forever.

Your neck uncomfortably stretched to pleasure Jean made it all the more painful when he started pushing down the back of your throat; harder to catch your breath, harder to swallow the saliva that was seeping up the back of your throat, trying not to cough around his length.

"Been waitin’ too long for this,” Eren grunts, the lewd noises of his hits snapping against yours on one end while your nose is barely brushing against Jean’s hair around his stomach.

Jean slowly pulls out of your throat, drool following, giving you the chance to speak, “Eren, h-hot!” you cried, your stomach twisting, pussy squelching around his wide cock, head dizzy as you begin to feel like your floating.

Jean sees your body shake from beside him, while he pumps his cock in his free hand, his other hand is kneading your tit in his hand. “Oi, I think she's gonna cum- c’mon it's gonna feel so good, you're so close, pretty girl.” Eren drilling into you with your legs pinned open, moaning and gasping for air as you feel your hole spasm, body tingling as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“C- I'm cumming!” your hand on Eren’s pec, pushing against him to ease the pressure of his cock buried fully inside of you, “f-fuck! Fuck, Eren!” his body sticky on top of yours, thighs uncomfortably stuck to his waist.

“God, can stay like this all day.” You panted like a dog, blinking the blurred vision out of your eyes from the blinding orgasm.

Jean’s getting off the bed, slapping your thigh to sign for Eren to get off of you, “I hope you can take it, pretty girl.” The brunette pulling up his boxers and sitting on the bed where Jean was just seated.

A panting mess, Jeans tearing you from your spot and pushing you on your hands and knees, Jean presses against the small of your back, pushing you into a deeper arch, abused pussy mere inches away from another cock.

Eren picks your head up by your hair, an evil smile growing on his face as he sees your face twist with pleasure, Jean pushing into your cunt, a mixture of his best friends’ cum already leaking out of your cunt, “gonna fill you some more, just stay still for me, okay?”

He holds your hips in place, the further his cock sunk into you, the more it hurt, the more he stretched you out, the more you were split open by the intimidating of him.

“If you keep squeezin’ me like that, ” he spits, unable to finish his sentence.

He thrusts into you from behind, held grounded in place as Jean ruts into your pussy mercilessly, Eren watching you cry and beg for stupid little nothings.

Cream covering his cock, feeling your walls tighten around him, he snakes his hand over your thigh, and to your clit, rubbing lose and light circles around the bud, your legs quivering, back jolting up from the overstimulation, “hm, what did I say about stating still?” ripping away from your clit, you whine and your back is pushed back down.

Jean mere inches away from climax, hips sputtering against your backside as you feel your juices drip down your thigh, sticking to his stomach.

Your head drops into the mattress.

“Pretty girl, we're far from done with you,” Eren’s purring into your ear, “dont give up now, we haven't gotten to the best part.”

The pad of Jean’s thumb is pressing against the rim of your tight, pretty virgin ass, “you can trust us, we haven't hurt you yet, have we?”

Nodding, this was only the beginning of a very- very long night. One of many, actually.

[sebstanaddict]

Always You

Chapter 17 - Blue Valentine

Note : I think another apology is needed for you guys. I'm sorry for what you're about to read 🙏🙏🙏😢

Summary : A love story chronicling the love and life of Sebastian Stan and Female!Reader. Inspired by Sebastian Stan's recent love life.

In this chapter we'll find out what happens after Sebastian was forced by Ana to do something he didn't want to do.

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters: 17 / 22

Chapter List >

Warning : angst, anxiety, heartbreak, sexual references

Word count : 6.6k

Brooklyn, New York - December 2021

"What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at them? But the thing is man, I felt like I knew her, you ever get that feeling? Yeah, I probably don't right... it felt like I did though. [... ] She just seems different, you know? I don't know, I just got a feeling about her. You know when a song comes on and you just gotta dance?"

Y/n was flopped on her sofa in front of her 32" TV, watching Ryan Gosling as Dean in the movie Blue Valentine talked about love at first sight to his colleague. Her old self would've thought what Dean said could be true. It happened to her after all. But her heartbroken current self judged it differently. Even if it happened, it didn't mean the couple who fell in love at first sight would live happily ever after. On the contrary, there was a bigger chance of them being miserable and ended the relationship with broken hearts in each party. Something she was definitely feeling.

It had been about three weeks after Sebastian broke up with her. Something she didn't think would be possible considering how much in love it seemed the both of them were with each other. But it wasn't like she didn't predict it already. Way before she agreed to start seeing him she already had doubts. His life as an internationally famous Hollywood actor was not compatible with her ordinary life as a mediocre journalist. She thought he would have worked harder to maintain their relationship. But apparently, just one advice from his team and he had no doubt at all in ending it with her. She was hurt, beyond hurt. She didn't think he would have the heart to do that to her. Prioritizing his career over her. But then again, he was ambitious. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have agreed to do the PR relationship with Ana.

Her mind wander back to when she was walking to her office on that fateful Monday morning, not realizing that her heart was going to be broken beyond repair that afternoon. She had just reached the subway station when she realized she had left her cellphone back at The Time Hotel's penthouse. So she quickly went back to the penthouse. When she got there, Sebastian was still having a meeting with his team. She didn't want to bother them so she quietly went up to the second floor to get her cellphone, which was left on the night stand by the bed. When she came down back to the first floor, she accidentally overheard Emma saying her name.

"We think that it would be better that you and y/n stop seeing each other, at least until the contract with Ana is over." y/n heard Emma say heavily.

"What?! Are you guys kidding me?" she heard Sebastian asked, his voice raised.

"Seb, we need you to focus for the next couple of months on press for your projects. On top of that, we have secured invites for you to attend Spirit Awards, BAFTA, the Vanity Fair Oscar Party and even The Met Gala! We've secured work for you for Valentino. And there are other jobs for you we are currently negotiating. We've planned 2022 to be your year. And we just think that perhaps.. having a relationship with y/n is not the correct thing to do right now. Especially with Ana in the mix. We don't want you to lose your focus." she heard Emma continued saying.

She didn't hear any response from Sebastian. It seemed he was thinking. She peeked outside to the patio from the first floor window. Sebastian was sitting on one of the chairs surrounding a glass rectangular table, his back to the window so she couldn't see his face.

"Sebastian, you signed up to the agency with a clear goal in mind, didn't you? You wanted success. With success, there's always a sacrifice you have to make. Remember, it's not everyday the agency hires talents. You're in the rare group of talented people the agency trusts to hire and manage. Don't give that up over a girl. Girls come and go, Sebastian." She heard Josh say.

Just then her cellphone buzzed, her boss was on the phone, looking for her it seemed. It was 9.30 am after all and she was beyond late. As much as she wanted to stay to listen to Sebastian's response to his team's request, she had to go. So, she quickly went outside from the penthouse, picked up the call from her boss and went to her office.

When she got back to the penthouse that afternoon she had a bad feeling. She entered the penthouse and found it to be really quiet, there was no sound at all. She looked for Sebastian on every room and every floor but he was gone. She checked the wardrobe and his clothes were gone too. She wanted to call him but realized she couldn't. She was afraid Ana would pick up on it. Her heart sank into her stomach as she realized what might have happened. She remembered the conversation she overheard Sebastian and his team was having that morning. She did not want to believe it.. but.. could it be that he heeded their request and decided to break up with her? Not even saying good bye to her in person? That didn't seem like him at all.

She sat on the edge of the bed in the bedroom, her chest felt tight as she tried to think of what to do. That's when she saw it, the letter Sebastian had written for her. It was folded into an envelope. The envelope was put on the night stand beside the bed, her name was written on it. She quickly picked it up, took out the letter from the envelope and read it.

"Dear Y/n,

First of all I would like to apologize for doing this through this letter and not in person. I'm afraid if I do this in person I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. Yes, I am a coward. I'm sorry Y/n. After my meeting with my team today I realized that right now I need to focus on my work. My team had done so much for me and I can't let them down. Considering what has happened with Ana and the risks to my and Lily's reputation, it seems I can't continue seeing you. It's too much of a distraction and a risk. It would be irresponsible of me if I do still see you, risking and sacrificing other people's lives and work just for my selfish desires. So, I'm sorry Y/n but I can't see you anymore.. I'm sure you're going to be angry at me, I can understand if you do. And I also understand if you never want to see me again. Take care and I hope you'll find someone one day who is more worthy of your love than stupid, and coward old me.

I'm sorry..

SS"

Y/n couldn't believe what she just read. She felt her heart broke into a thousand pieces, broken beyond repair. Tears started to stream freely down her face. As she cried and sobbed, she ripped the letter in half and scrunched it into a ball and threw it as far away as possible. It hit the window of the bedroom. The window where just yesterday morning she saw him standing at, bare chested in all his glory, mesmerizing her. The window where in front of it he held her and kissed her and where he agreed to have a bubble bath with her. How was it in just 34 hours everything changed so drastically?

She laid down on the bed and curled herself into a ball and cried. She cried for hours it seemed as she remembered every single memory with him. She remembered the first time she saw him in front of English Literature class, smiling at her and gesturing at her lips with his finger because she had pastry crumbs on her lips and how he laughed at her after she cleaned her lips. She remembered their first kiss during the spin the bottle game at his house and how they chatted and connected over cleaning his house. She remembered the moment near Constanta Casino where he told her how he felt about her, how happy and and ecstatic she felt upon hearing his confession. She remembered the moment they first made love, how much of a gentleman he was and how she felt he completed her. Everything that he had done and said to her before she read the letter seemed to indicate that he loved her so much and that she was the 'one' for him, just as he was the 'one' for her. Was it all just a lie? She thought. How could someone just change their hearts like that.

" You said for better or for worse. You said that. You said it. It was a promise. Now, this is my worst, okay? This is my worst. But I'm gonna get better."

Y/n watched as Dean begged to Cindy, his wife in the movie, played by Michelle Williams, to give him another chance. She couldn't help but shed a tear. Sebastian had made a promise to her, that he wasn't planning on letting her go, that she was his only love, that she always had his heart. But he had broken that promise. That was the reality. In real life there was no happily ever after. In real life there was no love at first sight. In real life people change. In real life no one truly loved her. Not Sebastian, not John, not Zac, not Michael, nor all of her exes throughout her life. All of them left her. Not a single one fought for her. They prioritize something or someone else above her. Michael prioritized his ego. Zac prioritized his career. John prioritized another woman. And Sebastian prioritized his career, same as Zac. Tears started to stream down her face as the realization hit her. She had no one to accompany her as she got older. And at her age it was increasingly difficult to find someone. She continued to cry as she thought of the possibility of her getting old and being alone, becoming a lonely spinster without a husband and children. Unlike some of her female friends who actually enjoyed being alone and unmarried, she actually wanted to have a family. So the fact that at her age she had no boyfriend hurt her so much.

She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked around her apartment. For the past three weeks she had it sterilized from anything related to Sebastian. She had sold everything Sebastian had bought for her, from the large 70" TV, the karaoke system, the bookcase and the books on it, the dresses, the shoes, the handbags. She only kept the heart shaped pendant and earrings. But she kept them buried deep on the back of her dresser's drawer where she couldn't just accidentally look at them. Even after all the things Sebastian bought her were gone, she still found it hard to be in her apartment. Her bed reminded her of him. Her sofa reminded her of him. Even her pantry reminded her of him. She had wanted to sleep at Shannon's place again but Shannon was unfortunately out of town for several months as she was filming for a movie. She ended up buying a folding bed and spent the nights sleeping there instead of on her bed. She also bought a sofa cover to make it seem like she was sitting on a new sofa. Unfortunately all of her efforts seemed to be failing. She couldn't help but think about him everyday even though it felt like a sharp knife pierced through her heart every time she did.

She didn't know how she had survived throughout that whole three weeks. It felt like a dream to her. Somehow she could still manage to go to work and her life was still manageable. Her apartment was clean and tidy, she didn't miss a single meal and she even went out on a run several times. Having had her heart broken multiple times in the past year probably strengthen her. She was happy about it. Perhaps it was really time that she focused on herself and forget about men. No one else could love her but herself. Unfortunately Christmas was coming, and not having anyone to spend Christmas with made her depressed again. That was why she decided to watch the movie. She needed something to make her strong again. And after watching the movie she did feel it. It was a sad and depressing movie but it helped put into perspective that love was not as great as people made it seem to be. She decided to spend Christmas at the soup kitchen. Rather than staying home alone and be depressed, her time and energy was much better spent helping other people.

-----

It was Christmas day and Y/n found herself behind the counter in the soup kitchen, serving food to the homeless and the unfortunate. Contrary to what she believed, there were less people that turned up to be served that day compared to any other regular day. Stella, the head of the soup kitchen said it was probably because a lot of other places like churches also provided meals for the homeless. After she was finished serving the food, she felt hungry so she took some of the food herself. She picked mashed potatoes, roasted chicken and some sauteed carrots and green beans. She carried the plate full of food and sat in front of Marie, a homeless woman in her 50s that she had known from the times she spent at the soup kitchen.

"Hi Marie." she greeted Marie and smiled at her.

"Hi Y/n. How are you?" Marie greeted her back.

"I'm good thank you. How are you?" she asked.

"I'm good too. Would've felt better if I can spend today with Bill. But oh well, life must go on." she said, referring to her recently deceased husband Bill.

"Oh Marie, I'm sorry to hear that." Y/n said as she reached out her hand to Marie's and squeezed it to soothe her.

"It's fine dear. It does take some getting used to living life without him. But, you gotta stay strong huh?" she said, winking at her.

Y/n smiled at her and she agreed with her. No matter what happens in life you just gotta stay strong. She was proud of herself for being able to survive the days without Sebastian. She would never be able to forget about him, that much was true. But she looked forward to being able to remember him and felt love and peace, and not felt like a thousand arrows had pierced her heart instead. It had not happened yet though. She suspected it would take more time. Time will heal all wounds or so they say.

She took a spoonful of the mashed potato and the roasted chicken. The mashed potato was smooth, creamy and delicious. But the roasted chicken smelled and tasted weird. She felt nauseous all of a sudden. She stood up quickly and ran to the restroom and threw up in the toilet. There wasn't much food that she threw up as she hadn't had much food that day. She only had a piece of bagel and coffee that morning. She stood up from the toilet, flushed it then went to the sink to clean up her mouth and hands.

After she was done washing her hands and mouth she looked up to stare at herself in the mirror and felt queasy. She wasn't feeling well. Perhaps it was time for her to go home and rest. She was done anyway serving the food to people. But she still felt hungry, so she got out of the restroom, went back to the table where she left her food and continued eating. She set the chicken aside and just ate the mashed potatoes and sauteed carrots and green beans. After she was done, she said good bye to Marie and Stella and went home.

For the next couple of days her nausea got worse. Strangely enough it was triggered only by certain smells. But once she was triggered, the nauseous feeling just wouldn't go away. She also felt extremely tired. Her lower back and lower stomach hurt, and she found herself going to the bathroom to pee much more often than before. She contemplated going to the doctor to find out what was wrong with her. But she decided to search on the internet about her symptoms first. Maybe she could find out what kind of ailment she was having and she didn't need to go the doctor. She could just buy the medicines she needed from a nearby drugstore.

She sat on her working corner in her bedroom and opened her laptop. Once her laptop was on, she opened her browser and opened the website Symptom Checker on WebMD. There on the website she typed in her symptoms: nausea, pain in lower back, lower abdominal pain, urinating more frequently, fatigue. There was an option after she put in her symptoms asking whether it was possible that she was pregnant. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at the question. Was she pregnant? She chose the Yes option at that question and continued to get the result. To her surprise the topmost result was that she might be pregnant! Second result was she could be having a miscarriage. But she didn't have any bleeding so it wasn't likely. She leaned back on the chair, feeling weak all of a sudden. She racked her brain, trying to remember the last time she had her period. She remembered that when she went to Romania with Sebastian she was just finished her period, and after that she was supposed to have it again in early December, but she realized it hadn't shown. Oh no! Could she really be pregnant?

She stood up, put on her coat and shoes, grabbed her wallet and cellphone and decided to go get a pregnancy test from a nearby drugstore. As she walked to the drugstore she tried to remember the times she and Sebastian had sex. She remembered that they were being careful. He put protection every time. Even if he didn't, he didn't let his spend get inside her. Except.. except that first time they did it. Their very first time. Blinded by love and lust, they had forgotten to put on protection and she remembered Sebastian had let himself come inside her. She shook her head in disbelief. Feeling so angry at him and herself for being so irresponsible.

She pushed the door of the drugstore and found it empty of people. It was night after all, a little after 9 pm. The drugstore was about to close in an hour. She went straight to the cashier and asked for pregnancy tests. There were many brands and she was confused which one to get. So she decided to let the drugstore clerk chose three of the best and most sensitive ones for her. After paying for them she went straight back to her apartment.

She sat on the toilet seat, her hand shook a little holding one of the pregnancy tests in her hand. She had peed on it previously and was waiting for the result. Several minutes went by and she saw it, there were two lines on the test. She was pregnant. Her body shook in surprise as the fact hit her like a freight train. She was pregnant. With Sebastian's baby. She felt a mixture of happiness, sadness and anger at the same time. She wanted nothing more to tell Sebastian about it. But she couldn't. She realized then that the test could be wrong. So she took two more tests. Each one came back positive. She was carrying Sebastian's baby!

She went outside of the bathroom, feeling like she didn't even touched earth. She felt like she was dreaming. She carried the pregnancy tests in her hand, then sat on the folding bed and put the tests on them. She stared at them and stared at her lower stomach. She caressed her lower stomach, wondering if she could feel the growing fetus inside her. But of course she couldn't, not yet. She decided to get herself checked by a gynecologist, to make sure she really was pregnant. And if she was she wanted to make sure she and the fetus was okay. She went back to her laptop and searched for a nearby hospital. She made an appointment for the next day with a gynecologist at The Brooklyn Hospital Center at downtown Brooklyn. After she made the appointment, she went back to sit on the folding bed, set the pregnancy tests aside and laid down on the bed.

As she laid down and stared to the ceiling, she put her hand on her lower stomach, caressing it gently. She wondered where and what Sebastian was doing. She missed him so much. She wished nothing else but to be by his side. Letting him know that he was going to be a dad. She imagined he must have felt very happy knowing that he was going to be a dad. Sebastian loved children. He told her several times that he wanted to have children one day. And if he did, he wanted more than one as he felt kind of lonely being an only child. He did have a half brother and step siblings, but it still felt different, he once said. Tears started to roll down her face as she thought of Sebastian. She wondered if he would come back to be with her if he knew she was carrying his baby. Or would he still ignore her and continued to focus on his career? Unfortunately it was a question that she wouldn't know the answer to. At least for awhile.

She sat up suddenly, feeling like she missed him so much and needed him. She went to her dresser, opened the drawer and reached out to the back. She picked it up, the velvet box containing the necklace and earrings Sebastian bought her. She opened it and picked up the necklace and pendant. Her heart ached as she looked at the pendant and remembered the time they promised to each other to always be in each other's hearts. She put on the necklace on her neck, closed the box and put the box back into the drawer. Then she went to her wardrobe. She knew she still had it, his favorite white shirt. She remembered not wanting to throw it away as she felt she might need it someday. She was right. She needed to feel he was by her side, and the pendant and shirt were the only things connecting her to him that she still kept. She finally found it, his favorite shirt, buried underneath her clothes that she rarely wore. She put it near her nose and inhaled its scent. Somehow she could still smell it, his signature pine and citrus scent. The scent triggered her to cry again. She held the shirt with both hands and buried her face on it. She missed him.. so so much.. now more than ever. She sank down onto the floor in front of her wardrobe, her body shook in sadness, she wondered whether she could go through with the pregnancy alone. She was after all living completely alone there in New York. She remembered her mom, who had died five years ago. If she was still alive, she could have gone back to New Brunswick and stayed there. Her mother would have taken care of her. Remembering her mother hurt and she cried even harder. After several minutes, she finally calmed down. There was no use in crying. She had to be strong. If not for her then for the unborn child growing inside her. She took a deep breath, wiped the tears from her eyes and she brought the shirt back to the folding bed. She laid down on the bed, put the shirt on top of her so that it covered her stomach and chest. She caressed her lower stomach with his shirt underneath her hand and whispered to her unborn child.

"I hope you can feel it my little bean, the presence of your dad. You'll meet him one day. I promise you that. But for now it's just the two of us, okay? Even though it's just the two of us, I promise to love you and take care of you. I'll be the best mom ever! Don't you worry okay, my little bean. I'm here for you. I'm gonna be strong for you. I love you so much, even if you're only weeks old. And your dad will love you too.. he will.. I'm sure he will." Tears streamed down her face again as she continued caressing her stomach and inhaled his scent. It took a long time but she finally fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying, with tear tracks on her cheek.

-----

Y/n opened her eyes and didn't feel so good. Her chest felt heavy, her lower stomach and back still hurt a little, and she was feeling nauseous a little. She sat up slowly and felt something slid down off her chest. It was Sebastian's shirt. She had fallen asleep still holding it on her chest. She picked it up and hugged it then said.

"Good morning Iubirea mea.. " she put it in front of her nose, inhaled its scent and kissed it, pretending she was kissing him. Her heart ached so much, remembering all those times she woke up next to him, greeted by his gorgeous dreamy blue eyes. She sighed. She had gone crazy, she thought. She folded his shirt then put it on the folding bed. She then stood up and decided to make some tea and eat breakfast. She remembered she had an appointment with the gynecologist at 10 am that morning. She glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it was 8 am already so she needed to get ready.

After making some tea, she decided to make a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. She suddenly had a craving for peanut butter. But when she opened the wrapping of the white bread she was going to use, the smell of the white bread triggered her nausea. Here we go again. She thought in annoyance. She wondered how long the nausea would last. It was really uncomfortable. She was really looking forward to eating the peanut butter sandwich but she had lost all of her appetite. She closed the wrapper of the white bread and put it aside. She decided to just get something to eat at the hospital.

She went to her bathroom to take a shower. To her surprise, she found some reddish brown spotting on her underwear. Her heart pounded as she saw it.

"Little bean, are you okay in there?" She said to her fetus while caressing her lower stomach gently.

"Hang in there okay. I'm gonna get you checked today. Please hang in there." She said anxiously.

Thankfully she didn't find anymore blood coming out of her as she cleaned herself up. But she couldn't help but still felt anxious. Her lower stomach hurt even more now after she found the spotting on her underwear. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She then slowly went out of the bathroom, got herself dressed then she went to the hospital.

It was 9.30 am when she arrived at The Brooklyn Hospital Center. The hospital complex was quite big. It was a public hospital but the building and facilities were like those found in private hospitals. She went inside the hospital through the front lobby and went to the front desk.

"Good morning." She said to the woman behind the front desk counter.

"Good morning, ma'am. How can I help you?" The woman smiled at her and asked.

"I have an appointment with dr. Selena Ali from Obstetrics & Gynecology." She replied.

"I see. The Obstetrics & Gynecology clinic is located on the third floor. You can reach it with the elevator, which is located just on your right there." The woman responded while gesturing her hand toward the elevator on Y/n's right.

"Okay. Thank you." She said.

"You're welcome, ma'am." The woman smiled at her and went back down to sit on her chair.

The elevator dinged as she arrived at the third floor. She got out of the elevator and looked around. Her eyes caught the Obstetrics & Gynecology sign on her right, so she went there. A nurse was sitting behind a desk and she smiled at Y/n as she approached.

"Good morning." Y/n said.

"Good morning, ma'am. How can I help you?" The nurse smiled at her.

"I'm here to see dr.Selena Ali. I have a 10 am appointment." She replied.

"I see. Please wait a moment, ma'am." The nurse said as she accessed a computer in front of her to check for Y/n's appointment.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. It seems you are a new patient?" The nurse asked.

"I am. Yes." Y/n replied.

"May I borrow your ID card? I need to register you as a new patient before you can see dr.Selena." The nurse said.

"Oh, of course." Y/n opened her purse and took her ID card out of her wallet then gave it to the nurse.

"Would you mind writing your cellphone number and email address here?" The nurse said, giving her a small piece of paper and a pen.

Y/n nodded and wrote her cellphone number and email address on the paper then slipped it back to the nurse.

"Thank you, ma'am. Please have a seat. I will call you to have your vitals checked after I'm done registering you to our system." The nurse said.

"Thank you." Y/n nodded then went to sit on a chair not far from the nurse station.

She looked around and saw some other patients around her. All of them had someone to accompany them. Whether it was their husbands or partners, or their family members. She felt a pang in her chest as she looked at them. She decided to just open her cellphone while waiting and read the latest news. She didn't want to be reminded that she was there alone. It hurt her to think about that fact.

It didn't take long for the nurse to register her to hospital's system. She was called not long after for her vitals to be taken. After the nurse took her vitals, she sat on a chair near the door to the examination room. Her heart pounded hard as she waited. This was it. Even though she had three positive pregnancy tests, it was still possible they were all wrong. She could only confirm it with an ultrasound at a gynecologist's office. Suddenly, the door to the examination room was opened. Another nurse came out of it with a clipboard on her hand. She then called out Y/n's name. She stood up and entered the examination room nervously.

dr. Selena Ali was a young doctor of Indian descent. She had long pretty black hair, wide eyes and brown skin. She smiled warmly at Y/n as she took a seat in front of her. Her smile made her anxiety lessened somewhat.

"Good morning Ms.Y/f/n Y/l/n." dr.Selena greeted her.

"Good morning, doctor." Y/n replied, smiling back at her.

"How can I help you today?" dr.Selena asked as she opened Y/n's empty medical record in front of her.

"Umm.. doctor, I think I may be pregnant. I.. I've missed my period and I took three pregnancy tests yesterday and they all came back positive." she said slowly.

"Ah, I see. Alright, may I know when your last period started?" the doctor asked as she scribbled some notes on her medical record.

"Umm.. I think around November 1st." she said.

"Okay. That means if you really are pregnant you would be around 8 weeks." she said as she consulted a calendar on the table.

Y/n's brows shot up. 2 months pregnant? She could already be 2 months pregnant? She thought in disbelief.

"Alright, let's get you checked. Please get on the examination bed and we'll see your baby." the doctor smiled at her.

Y/n stood up and got onto the bed. She laid down and the doctor asked for her permission to open the lower part of the shirt she was wearing to access her stomach. She nodded and then the doctor opened the lower part of her shirt and squeezed some clear gel onto her stomach. The doctor then took the ultrasound transducer and swiped it all across her lower stomach. She then focused on the area where her uterus would be and pressed it here and there, trying to find a clear view of it on the monitor. After awhile she stopped and said.

"There it is. We can see the sac here and your baby here." the doctor said, pointing to a black circle on the monitor and a bean-like figure inside it. Y/n's eyes widened as she saw her unborn child on the monitor.

"So..I'm really pregnant?" she asked, still not believing it.

"Yes you are." the doctor smiled. She then made some measurements on the monitor and said. "It seems you are about 8 weeks into the pregnancy. Your baby is about half an inch long."

"Oh wow. Is that the normal size for an 8 week old fetus?" she asked.

"Oh yes, perfectly normal. An 8 week old fetus is typically between 1/2 to 3/4 inch long." The doctor responded.

Y/n breathed a sigh of relief. Glad her baby was growing normally. She then remembered the spotting and the pain on her lower stomach and back.

"Doctor, I've been having some pain in my lower stomach and back. And I had some spotting this morning. Should I be concerned?" she asked.

"Well, cramping in early pregnancy is normal. Light spotting too. But it all depends on the condition of the mother. Let me check whether there are anything else we should be concerned about." the doctor replied.

She then swiped the transducer around Y/n's stomach and said. "It seems you have a uterine fibroid. It's not big, only about 2 inches in length. It will pass as you give birth. So you don't need to be concerned about it. Although it might be causing the spotting and cramps." the doctor said.

"Okay." Y/n said, relieved that it was nothing to be concerned about.

"Hmm.. as I checked your ovaries, there are cysts on both your ovaries. The left one is about 1,5 inches, and the right one is about an inch. Considering your age and that you also have uterine fibroids, I think it's better that I give you some progesterone suppositories, to strengthen your pregnancy and prevent miscarriage. And I would also advise for you to be on bed rest for at least a week." the doctor said.

Y/n's heart plummeted as she heard what the doctor said. She needed to be on bed rest? But she had no one to look after her. It wasn't possible for her to just stay in bed for a week.

"Doctor, I'm sorry, but I.. I live alone, so it's really not possible for me to get a bed rest. I have no one to take care of me." she said, her voice shook and she tried to blink back tears.

"Oh? What about the father of your baby?" the doctor asked in concern.

"We.. " Y/n sighed as she tried to find the words to explain her situation with Sebastian. "We aren't exactly on speaking terms right now." She finally said.

The doctor stared at her in concern and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"Don't worry, you can always stay here at the hospital if you want. We'll take care of you." The doctor said, smiling at her.

"I.. okay then." Y/n said.

She couldn't believe she needed to be hospitalized. She was happy her baby seemed okay but also anxious over her condition.

"Do you want to hear your baby's heartbeat?" the doctor asked cheerfully, trying to make Y/n happy.

"I can hear the baby's heartbeat?" she asked in awe.

"Yes, you can." the doctor smiled as she returned the transducer back to its place and the nurse brought a doppler ultrasound to them to hear the baby's heartbeat.

The doctor turned the doppler on and put the probe on Y/n's stomach. She then turned the volume up and there it was. She could hear the sound like galloping horses coming out of the doppler's speaker. She could hear her baby's heartbeat! She had a living, growing being inside her! She dropped a tear in awe and happiness as she listened to it.

"The heartbeat is strong. Your baby seems to be growing healthy and strong." the doctor said, smiling at her.

Y/n breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much, doctor." she said.

"You're welcome Ms. Y/l/n." the doctor replied as she turned the doppler off.

She then left her and went back to her table to write some more on Y/n's medical record. The nurse helped Y/n clean her stomach from the gel. Once she was clean, she closed her shirt back. The nurse then printed out the ultrasound picture of her baby and gave it to her. Y/n looked at it and felt her heart warm. Her baby was okay, that was the most important thing.

"So, would you like to go home or stay here?" the doctor asked.

Y/n contemplated her options. She didn't want to lose her baby so it seemed it was wiser to stay at the hospital where she and her baby would be taken care of. She did have insurance from her office. She hoped it would cover her stay at the hospital.

"I think it's best that I stay here, doctor." she said.

"Alright, we'll make the arrangements. Mindy, would you please get a wheelchair to bring her up to her room?" the doctor said to the nurse.

"Wheelchair?" Y/n asked in surprise.

"Yes, you're supposed to be on bed rest, so that means you should not be walking too much unless to the bathroom." the doctor said.

"Oh, okay." Y/n said dejectedly. She felt fine so it felt weird that she wasn't allowed to walk. But she trusted the doctor and decided to obey her.

About an hour later she found herself laying down on a bed in her hospital room. The nurse just left after explaining to her about the facilities in the room and showing her the button to press to call them if she needed them. She looked around the room, devoid of any friends or family members. No one in her life knew she was pregnant let alone hospitalized because of it. Her heart ached as she remembered Sebastian again. How she wished he was there to comfort her and take care of her. Tears started to stream down her face as she never felt so alone in her whole entire life.

Chapter 18 >

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

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Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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[despair-sauce]

Stan and Kenny's Idea of a Perfect Date for Kyle and Cartman

"it has to be something big and extravagant!" Kenny blurts out.

For twenty minutes now Stan and Kenny have been talking about their two friends Cartman and Kyle. Ever since they secretly caught them on Sunday, those two wouldn't shut up about them.

"No dude, Ky isn't big on all that dramatic shit like Cartman is," Stan says, shaking his head disapprovingly. "Just something small and secluded will be enough for him."

"But Stan! Think about it! If we just get a super cool band, maybe a big ass stereo, then maybe-"

Stan cuts him off. "No Ken, we aren't doing that." Kenny frowns deeply. "This isn't just about mom, you know."

"I know that!" Stan says, looking a bit offended. "I just feel like a dinner date or something small like that will be fine for them!"

"But that's not Cartman's thing," Kenny starts. "He likes being in loud and noisy scenes." "But Kyle doesn't," Stan deadpans.

A quiet few seconds go by and the whole time they can't think of anything.

"It's like the world is setting them up to fail," Kenny says, dramatically throwing his hands on his face. Stan laughs but silently agrees.

"We should know what they would want, Ken, we've known them for years," Stan says with a frown on his face. "But how were we supposed to know they wanted each other!"

"Each other," Kenny quietly says, taking his hands off his face, looking down with a surprised face. "Huh?" Stan asks, totally confused.

Kenny finally looks up at Stan and gives him a toothy grin. "Stay right here, I'll be right back!" Kenny says, getting up off the floor and running out of his bedroom, leaving Stan by himself for the next five minutes.

When those five minutes pass, Kenny comes back with paper and crayons. He sits them down next to Stan and runs to his closet.

"What are you doing, Ken?" Stan asks, even more confused than before. Seconds later he pulls out his suit and tie and sits it down on his bed. "Do you have a suit or tux?" Kenny asks.

"A suit, yes, why?" "Because I just had the most perfect idea in the world!" Kenny yells out, clearly enjoying the moment. "Stan your house is like 10 minutes away, right? Can you go get your suit and come right back?"

Stan gets up and walks to Kenny's bedroom door. "Yeah, sure, but I'm still very confused."

"You won't be when you come back!" Kenny yells out.

Stan leaves, leaving Kenny alone. During the time Stan is gone, Kenny is drawing away on a piece of paper.

When Stan comes back, Kenny is still concocting his plan, but he's mostly done.

"I'm back, here." Stan says, giving Kenny his suit. "ooooh it's blue!" Kenny says, starting nicely at Stan suit. "I bet it looks so nice on you!"

Stan blushes smalley and scratches the back of his neck. "Oh whatever, now about your plan."

"Right right right! Look at this! I'm not done yet, but you can see where I'm going with it!"

Kenny gives Stan his paper that has his almost done plan on it.

Five minutes later, Stan lifts his head and looks at Kenny. "So, this is what you're thinking?"

That question makes Kenny smile. "Yep! We all know Mom is a stickler for loud spaces, and quiet spaces make Cartman freak out, so this is what I came up with!"

"A discotheque? Isn't that kind of..." Stan tries to say it's a bit stupid, but Kenny's face is lit up, and he doesn't want to ruin that.

"Yeah yeah, it's not the most normal thing, but I'm sure they'd enjoy it!" Kenny says.

"If you know what you're doing, I'm with you on this," Stan says. "Let's make this one hell of a night to remember for them."

"But how are we going to tell them to go to any of this? They don't exactly know that we know that they are eye fucking each other," Kenny says, putting his hand on his chin.

"You can leave that to me," Stan says, clearly confident. "If I left that up to you, you'd probably let the whole world in on it."

"nuh-uh!" Kenny says all child-like, but still grinning. "But you should do that, you can persuade Mom better than I can."

"Okay cool, I'll text him and Cartman sometime tonight and and I'll you know what's up." Stan says.

"Oh hey, are you staying the night?" Kenny says looking up at Stan. "If you want me to," Stan responds. "Oh nice! Let me get some blankets for you then!" Kenny says and runs out of his bedroom for the second time tonight.

"Kenny you one energetic bastard," Stan mutters to himself.

Okay, time to text those two assholes.

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Wide Awake-Dream Was Taken

A/N: Here’s Pt. 2 bitches. I hope you all enjoy ! Also, please go support and follow @notphilosopherstudentblog​ because she helped me out with this because she’s so intelligent. <3

Btw Title is based off Katy Perry’s song Wide Awake

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 3.5k+

_________

It was early. Too early for Y/n to be crying. But her she was, sitting in bed, clinging to one of Clay's old shirts. In the past, it was normal for her to steal a couple of his belongings. It was typical of Y/n to invite herself into his closet, taking whatever she wanted to wear, whenever she wanted. But now it just felt wrong.

There were only a few items left Y/n had that were his. She never washed this shirt, she had only worn it once. She could still remember the day she stole it.

"Y/n, you've got to be kidding," Clay turned in his desk chair. She had just walked out of his closet wearing an oversized grey t-shirt. "You're seriously going to leave me with five pieces of clothing."

She shot him a playful look, taking a moment to admire herself in the nearest mirror. "I'm sorry Mr. 15 million subscribers. You can always buy more clothes with all that money."

"Fine... it looks better on you anyway."

She had spent the rest of the day in his shirt. And by the end of the day, the scent of his laundry detergent was strong. For an odd reason, the t-shirt had spent weeks in the back of Y/n's closet, untouched. At least, until this morning.

All night she was toss and turning. It seemed impossible for her to get a moment of sleep, her mind had been racing. The only reason she wasn't able to sleep was because of one person; Clay. Their fight had played over and over again in her mind.

'But Y/n, I really do love you.'

There were so many different ways the night could've ended. But it was her fault it ended how it did. If only she hadn't asked for him to step out of the stupid restaurant with her. She didn't need to make a scene, but she still did. This was all her fault.

The sound of her phone buzzing had pulled Y/n away from the piece of fabric in her hands. Looking down at her nightstand, she glanced at the electronic. Wilbur was calling. With a sigh, hesitantly she reached for the phone.

"Hey, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

The brunette bit his lip at the sound of her voice. He could tell she had a rough night. "Are you doing alright?"

"I'm..." she paused, looking down at the shirt in her lap. "Yeah, I'm doing better."

"That's good to hear," For some odd reason, he was pacing. It wasn't normal for him to pace back and forth. He was already dressed for the day, wearing a set of brown pants with a creme button-up shirt. A pair of glasses rested on his face as he spoke. "George and I were hoping to go get some breakfast. Do you think you could show us somewhere good?"

"Yeah, I'm up for breakfast. What about Nick and Clay?" If Clay was coming, she didn't know what she'd do. There would be tension, but maybe she could find a way to patch everything up between them.

"Nick's going over to Clay's. They wanna have a bit of time together."

"Oh, okay... when do you guys wanna meet up?"

"Maybe 30 minutes to an hour?"

"An hour it is."

Before preparing to go out, Y/n had texted Wilbur a location point to meet up. It was a nice restaurant located in town, it had always been one of her favorite places to eat. George and Wilbur had gotten a table outside, it was nice out for a day in Flordia.

"Do you think she's gonna do it?"

Wilbur glanced across the table to George, "Honestly, probably not." He let out a sigh, " hope she agrees. I really do. But it's gonna be hard for her to let go. I just think it'd be better if they got some time away from each other."

"You're right. As good of friends they are, they need a break from each other." They both knew it wasn't a good idea for Y/n to stay in Flordia at the moment, she needed a moment away from Clay. So Wilbur had come up with an idea to get Y/n to take a break.

"What do you think of Elise?" Changing the subject, George leaned back in his chair. It was rare for Clay's girlfriend to come up in conversation. She seemed like such a touchy subject in the group. She was definitely a sweetheart, but it seemed like she appeared out of nowhere. The group had been planning future Dream SMP roleplay on a Discord call. It had been so brief when Clay mentioned her. 'Hey guys, I just wanted to mention I started dating somebody.' It was smart of George to hold his tongue because of what else Clay had to say. 'Her name is Elise and she's 19.'

Most of the group had expected Clay and Y/n to end up together. They were best friends who lived in the same town. There was constant flirting going on between them. And not to mention Y/n had always been there to support Clay through the bad and good.

"Hey, guys!"

Both of the British men were pulled out of their thoughts by the sound of her voice. Y/n was quick to take a seat by Wilbur. "Have we ordered yet?"

"No actually, we've been waiting for you." George fixed his posture, his classic grin appeared on his face. "Got any recommendations for drinks?"

"My go-to has to be a mimosa and the eggs benedict."

The knock came as a surprise, but there were a lot of surprises happening this morning. Clay had woken up earlier than usual. Naturally, he'd get up around 9 or 10, but today he woke at 7. He couldn't go to bed for a few more hours, his mind wouldn't quit racing with thoughts. He had ended up skipping breakfast, he wasn't hungry today. It was normal for him to eat something, he always woke up starved. The early knock was the cherry on top of the cake of the surprises happening today.

"Hey Nick, what are you doing here?" Clay glanced behind his friend, looking for any sign of the rest of his friends. Originally, they had planned to meet up later that afternoon at his place. "I thought you were coming by at noon?"

Nick stood on the porch, burying his hands into the pockets of his jeans. It was early in the morning, yet it was already warm outside. "Yeah, sorry I didn't ask if I could come by earlier. I just wanted some time alone with you."

"Cool, make yourself at home," Stepping aside, the blonde opened the door a bit wider for his friend. "Sorry it's a bit messy, I was planning to clean up before you guys showed up."

The pair had made their way to Clay's living room. It was nice, but still a bit messy just as he said. As the blonde began to pick up after himself, the pair had a bit of small banter.

"Is Elise gonna come by this afternoon?" Nick watched as Clay picked up a couple of items sitting on the coffee table.

"Uh, no. I think she had work today."

"Oh, what about Y/n?"

Clay tensed, pausing for a second. She had been on his mind a lot since the last time he saw her. The way she looked at him... it hurt. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. This morning she was all he could think of. He missed her good morning texts, the way she'd update him about little situations happening in her schedule, when she would randomly face time him just to say: 'I wanted to see your stupid face because I missed it.'

"I... she's not coming."

"Why's that?"

"You know why, Nick." Clay let out a sigh, taking a seat on the couch. He didn't know what he could do, he was the one who messed everything up. If he tried to apologize, he might even piss Y/n off even more. She had always been a hardass about being hurt or betrayed, it was hard for her to give people a second chance. "I don't even think she knows we're all planning to meet up later today."

"Dude... it's weird seeing you two like this. It feels wrong." The two friends looked at one another, it seemed like Nick could tell exactly what Clay was thinking. 'It is wrong.'

"I miss her. But I was also the one who fucked everything up by ignoring her for weeks."

"Why'd you even do that?"

"Because I fell in love with her. I was scared she didn't feel the same. So I distanced myself and looked for someone to start a relationship with.  That's why I met Elise."

"Clay... you're an idiot."

"I know."

Turning, Wilbur looked at Y/n. She was halfway finished with her meal. Everything was going great, she seemed so happy just to be able to talk with two friends. It seemed like the best time to spring the idea on her.

"Hey, Y/n?"

"Yes, Wilbur?"

He bit his lip, glancing at the man sitting on the other side of the table. George gave a brief nod, knowing what was going to happen next. "George and I had an idea we'd like to share with you."

"What is it?"

"You know how you've been talking about how you've always wanted to visit us in London?"

"Yeah..."

Wilbur paused, looking back at George for a second. "Well, we were thinking... I have a free room in my place. Why don't you spend one of two months with me just to see how you like London?"

Y/n's face lit up. "That sounds great, Wilbur. I... wow. That sounds so fun!" She paused, her smile disappeared. "But what about my house? I can't just abandon it for a month."

Wilbur bit his lip, 'Shit.'

"Clay can stop by once a week, just to make sure everything's fine. I'm positive he'll do it for you," George was quick to jump into the conversation. As soon as he mentioned Clay, Wilbur shot him a look. Y/n tensed at the sound of his name.

"Listen Y/n, you don't have to do it. Just keep the idea in mind, you can give me an answer before George and I leave."

"Okay..." Y/n bit her lip, looking at her food. She knew the only right answer was yes, but it was going to be hard to talk to Clay about this. "I think... I think I wanna do this. I wanna go with you guys."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, but... just give me some time to think it over."

"We're always here for you, Y/n. No pressure." Wilbur placed a hand on Y/n's. He wanted her to come to London, everything would be better. He cared a lot about Y/n, he really did. He just wanted to see her happy.

"I just want her to be happy," Clay let out a sigh, opening the refrigerator door. His eyes skimmed over what there was, he had gone grocery shopping the other day to plan for today. He still wasn't hungry.

"Everything's gonna get-" Nick paused, he was interrupted by the sound of Clay's phone ringing. There was a moment of silence as the blonde closed the refrigerator, approaching his phone on the kitchen counter.

"It's Y/n."

"What?"

"Do I pick it up?" Clay glanced at his friend.

"yes, yes, yes! Do it!"

Clay was quick to pick up the phone, putting it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Clay."

"Hey, Y/n."

"Do you..." she paused, "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"Yeah, I can talk." Clay leaned against the counter, listening to her intently. It had only been a few days, but he missed her voice. He could tell she was down.

"I know this seems like the wrong time to be asking for favors and everything, considering everything that has happened this last week. But... I need your help with something." She paused again. He could tell she was hesitating, as though something was keeping her back. "I think I'm gonna be gone for a while. And I just need someone to check up with my house every couple of days. Could you do that? It's fine if you don't want to, it was a stupid idea of me to ask you anyways-"

"No, yeah. Of course, I'll check up on your house for you, Y/n." He was quick to cut her off. The last thing he wanted was for her to think she couldn't turn to him for help anymore. "And it's not stupid of you to ask me. I'll always be here if you need something or need help."

She scoffed, "You weren't there for me these past few weeks." She stopped herself again for the third time. "I'm sorry, that was really bitchy of me."

"I deserved it," he could only chuckle. Y/n was still herself. "But yeah, is there anything else you need... or want to talk about?"

"I... no. No, that's it. I guess I'll talk to you... eventually."

"Alright," Clay fought back the urge to let out a disappointed sigh. "I'll see you." Without saying goodbye, she hung up the phone. He didn't know what to expect next, he wasn't even sure whether this was a step in the right direction or not.

Staring at the box, Y/n felt herself tear up for the hundredth time this week. This was going to be a hard task to complete, but it was going to help her let go.

Walking around the house, Y/n picked up item by item. Anything that belonged to Clay was going in the box.  A few t-shirts, a couple of CDs she stole, one of his coffee cups. Y/n wasn't even sure how the cup had gotten to her house, but she knew it belonged to Clay. All of her coffee cups matched, all the same color and shape. But... this one cup had shown up in her pantry one day. Every time Clay had spent the night, he'd start the morning off with a cup of coffee, only using that cup.

At this point, Y/n was picking up items that held too strong memories of him. The box had quickly filled, it felt strange. It seemed like she had just lost a chunk of her house. Of her life. This needed to happen. This was the only way they'd be able to keep their friendship.

Y/n had agreed to come to London with Wilbur, she was finally fully on board. Two suitcases sat by her front door as she waited for Wilbur and George to arrive. She would only be in Florida for a few more hours, she needed to give this box back to him. Maybe she could just say screw it, leave it here under her bed, hidden away. So when she'd return she'd be comforted by his shirts and hoodies, she'd listen to his songs and cry.

No. She couldn't do that. If she did that she wouldn't be letting go of everything. Y/n needed closure, it'd be the best for them both and she knew it. Pulling her out of her thoughts, Y/n heard a knock on her door. It was time.

"Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur." Y/n smiled, embracing her friend in a hug as soon as she opened the door.

"George is in the car. We got coffee too." Wilbur looked down at her, his arms still wrapped around her waist, holding her close. "You're positive you want to do this?"

"Yes, I need to."

"Alright, then. I'll support you with whatever decision you make." He finally stepped aside, moving to grab her suitcases. Y/n grabbed the box, she had moved it into the hallway before greeting Wilbur. With one more glance, she looked down her hallway before closing the door. As soon as her home was locked up, Y/n had dropped her keys into the box. This was going to be the final step before London. Giving it all back.

George and Y/n greeted each other, Y/n giving him a quick hug before entering the car. The rest of the time, the car ride was quiet. There was obviously going to be tension. On their way, Y/n kept thinking to herself about what she was going to say. What if she fucked it all up? What if they broke out into another fight?

"Here we are."

Y/n sucked in a breath, looking over at the familiar house. This was the final step.

"Y/n, do you need either of us to walk up with you?" Wilbur spoke, he noticed the way she looked at the house.

She shook her head. "No, I got this..." Stepping out of the car, there were only a few words she'd repeat to herself. 'This is the final step. This is the final step. This is the final step.' It felt like it took forever for her to reach his porch.

As soon as she was face to face with the wooden door, she was quick to hit the doorbell. She just wanted to get this over with, fast. A few moments passed, and just as she reached to hit the doorbell again, she stepped back. The door was opening.

"Y/n?" Clay yawned, his hair was a mess. It was obvious she had just woken him up. "What are you-"

"It's time for me to go now. I'm sorry for waking you up. Here are my keys and a few of your items in case you wanted them while I was-"

"Woah, woah, woah." He interrupted her, rubbing his eyes. "Slow down, you're talking fast. You're leaving? Right now?"

"I..." she sighed. "Yeah, I am."

"And this..." he looked down at the box in her hands. "They're all mine?"

"Yeah, that's kinda the whole point." She gave him a look, "Considering the box says your name."

"Alright... thank you," he nodded, carefully picking the box up from her. "How long are you gonna be gone?"

"I'm not sure. I just know I have to go."

"Why?"

"Because of us, Clay. It'd be better for both of us. We need time apart. We have so much going on in each other's lives. I just need a break."

He watched her, she looked close to tears. Without thinking, Clay pulled his friend into his embrace, holding her close. "I understand. Take as much time as you need. I'll be here."

"Thank you."

The hug was short, Y/n was the first to pull away. As soon as it was over, she muttered a quick goodbye, hurrying back to the car. When the car door shut, Wilbur was quick to jump to asking questions.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? You're completely sure you want to do this?"

"I'm fine, Wilbur."

"Alright, I just wanted to check." Wilbur paused, looking out the window. "Y/n, would you mind if George and I said our goodbyes to Clay?"

"Go ahead, I'm not the boss of you."

Sitting in the car alone, Y/n got a moment to catch her breath and stop the tears from forming. She did it. She completed the final step. She could do whatever she wanted now. The moment alone in the car felt short, George and Wilbur were back in the car in what felt like seconds. Only, Wilbur sat in the back with Y/n, George driving by himself.

"You ready, Y/n?"

"More than anything." Y/n looked at Wilbur, the way he smiled at her just felt... good. Looking down, she noticed Wilbur gently grabbing her hand in his. She smiled, things were going to start getting good for her, she knew it.

"Wow okay, now I just feel like a driver for you two." George shot a dirty look in the mirror.

"A bad driver," Y/n grinned at her friend. "Start moving, Mr. colorblind." "If I get a ticket for running a red light, I'm blaming you."

With a yawn, Y/n opened her eyes. She had another good night of sleep, it had been weeks since she had a bad night of sleep. For eight months, she had lived in London. At this point, her house in Flordia was sold to a family of three, and she was no longer flatmates with Wilbur. Instead, she was his girlfriend.

Turning over, she faced the beautiful brunette. He was still asleep. She owed him everything. She was now an influencer because of him, he had helped her set up her YouTube channel and introduced her to the fans. He thought it'd be a good job for her, considering how she was a social butterfly and carry conversations.

Clay and Y/n didn't interact as much as they use to. They'd interact on the Dream SMP and over social media. But it was rare for them to speak in private. The only way their relationship got better was by them distancing themselves. What was a beautiful friendship had turned into an acquaintanceship. Clay was still dating Elise, but it seemed like things weren't going the best and there were signs of him planning to break up with her soon.

Wilbur peeked an eye open, looking at his girlfriend. "Morning, Y/n."

"Morning, Wilbur."

Y/n smiled, she knew she was right. Everything got better for her. After all, When the rain ends, there will always be a rainbow.

[julyarchives]

Oblivious

→ A/n: Yanan x Reader

→ Genre: Fluff

→ Words:  1.3K

→ A/n: This story was just so sweet to write, our hearts are beating fast for Yanan 🥺 Thank you so much for requesting this, we hope you like our story 💕

There are days that your job is everything you've ever asked for, but there are also days where you just wanted to go home and not get out of bed for the next 36 hours. Unfortunately, today was one of the latter.

Having to deal with people is always stressful to you, especially when they are rude to you for things that are out of your control, and that just drained your energy for the rest of the day.

Yanan was already at your apartment when you arrived, waiting for you with your favorite food and a bright smile.

"I thought you could use some comfort food today" he said, shrugging shyly.

"Thank God I gave you my spare key" you hugged him dramatically.

As usual, you had texted him all day, complaining about everything that happened, but you certainly didn't expect for him.to do this for you. Nevertheless, your mood already improved a million percent.

"I also added a few rom-coms to your Netflix list so we can watch while eating the ice cream I bought for dessert." He wiggled his eyebrows, making you laugh softly.

"Seriously, I don't deserve you" you kissed his cheek with an exaggerated noise.

Yanan is undoubtedly great at making you forget any problems you are having, so by the end of dinner, you were already having so much fun that you didn't even remember what you were upset about.

You watched the movie in bed, sitting under cozy blankets and stuffing your mouth with big chunks of chocolate ice cream.

"Life could be this easy, you know?" You whined, leaning your head on his shoulders.

"Like what? A romantic comedy?" He laughed at your drama.

"I mean it!" You slapped his arm lightly "she gets a nice job and a nice boyfriend! Is it so bad that I want that?" You pouted.

"Well, you do love your job, today was just a bad day." He caressed your head softly,

"I know" you sat up straight "what about a boyfriend, though? No guys want anything to do with me"

"Ah, that's easy" he paused and looked deep into your eyes "you already have me"

You stared at him completely panicked, your cheeks probably burning red.

Yanan has been your best friend for years already, and it's not news to you that you have feelings for him. For quite a while, actually, you noticed that you get a different kind of nervousness next to him. The jealousy you felt when he dated someone was not the friend-jealous type, and you definitely felt attracted to him.

So when he said that you didn't need a boyfriend, you were afraid he somehow found out about your feelings for him.

"What do you mean?" You laughed nervously

"Think about it" he smiled charmingly, the way you knew he did when he was trying to convince someone of something. "We are great together, aren't we?"

"I guess?" You furrowed your eyebrows, not really getting his point.

"We have known each other forever. You know me better than anyone, and I do you. I know everything you love and hate, and I can spoil you better than anyone. Besides, we are basically a couple, aren't we? Look at us!."

You felt so nervous that your heart felt like it might jump off of your throat

"Yeah, but-" you tried to say something, but he continued

"We are always together, and honestly when I have an awful day, all I wanna do is call you for comfort. Not to mention how we are always in sync!".

Yanan watched you with a soft smile while your mouth hung open and your chest heaved. It wasn't possible that he said all those things without knowing about your feelings but yet, there was no way he could know. If he spoke all of that, it meant that he felt that way and you felt a warm fuzzy feeling in your chest, your stomach doing flips of nervousness.

"I agree", you smiled at him, only to see his eyes lit up and his smile widened. "But about when you find a girl? I'll be alone with my romcoms and ice cream", you laughed at your own awful state.

"No", Yanan suddenly got serious and sat straight, hand moving your hair from your face. "I don't think that'll happen".

"Ha. As if", you moved until you felt Yanan's shoulder behind your back, his arm immediately holding your shoulder, all subconsciously. "You're an incredibly nice guy, charming and funny, and so handsome. In no time a girl will steal your heart".

"Actually, that already happened", he answered, still facing you.

Your face fell. You were already staring ahead and were thankful for that. Of course, he'd be in love with someone already. Everything he just spoke was all about your amazing friendship and you were the one delusional.

"But", Yanan made sure you looked at him. "I just told you that when I find the girl for me, you wouldn't be alone with your movies and ice cream".

"That's because you're too nice-", you barely had time to finish when he cut you off.

"That's because the girl is you".

"Wait, what?" You blinked a couple of times

"Geez, you're so dense." He laughed fondly. "But yeah, all I was trying to say is that I have feelings for you. More than friendship feelings. And I think I got to a point where I can't just stand next to you and not say anything about it."

He suddenly looked shy, but so precious that you just wanted to grab him and kiss him.

"I have been trying to come up with a way to tell you that I fell in love with you for ages, I guess now would be a good time to confess?" You chuckled

"I guess, yeah" he laughed shyly "why didn't you say something before?"

"Our friendship is the most important thing in my life, and I didn't want to risk losing that. I didn't want to risk losing you."

"You would never lose me, y/n" his free hand held yours gently

"And what does this mean for us?" You asked, suddenly feeling timid whilst his presence filled the whole room with his confidence

"Now I have to ask officially." He released his embrace on you, getting up and gently pulling you to stand in front of him. He looked into your eyes and opened the most charming smile. "Y/n, we've always been best friends, and for a while, I thought I was the luckiest man alive for that. But over the years you taught me that I can not predict anything when it comes to you. You're always changing and you make me change with you. You make me a better person every day and now I'm only missing one thing to actually be the luckiest. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

You couldn't find words since Yanan stole all of them from you. Your head was overflowing with emotions, and all you managed to answer was a nod, and the next thing you knew, Yanan's lips found yours.

His tender embrace on you made every muscle on your body relax and you gave yourself completely to him. You never thought this day would come, but kissing him was better than anything you've ever fantasized about. You knew now that there was no going back, you would not be able to hold any of these feelings to yourself.

You pulled apart and he cupped your cheek, caressing your face with his thumb while you two smiled fondly at each other, giggling like two teenagers.

"If I had known that a bad day at work would be what it takes for us to date, I would have found a reason to have one way sooner" you joked.

"That sounds like something out of a rom-com, are you happy now?" He pushed you on the bed and started tickling you, making you squeal and squirm under him.

When he finally stopped, he soothed you with a shy peck to your lips.

You just couldn't stop smiling, and Yanan's face mirrored yours. You felt grateful and finally, you could admit to yourself out loud.

"Much happier now"

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

OK! THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE FLUFFYNIGHTKILLER HEADCANNON I'VE COME UP WITH.

My people, I love this and I hope you do. Its a long one, but I promise its worth it.

So ever since I read this head cannon from @yuriyuruandyuraart I've had one nagging thought.

Polygamous marriage is illegal.

So as much as I loved this story of them getting engaged, they couldn't ever get married, but I didn't wanna rain on everyone's parade so I kept it to myself. Until now!

While talking with @jann-the-bean I came up with this and Jan loved it! So I hope you guys do to.

So imagine that the 3 of them are going around telling their friends and family about their engagement, in the classic happy kind of way. It's all well and good, Dream is thrilled to find out his brother is so happy. However, then he realises the law and Dream pulls his brother aside.

Dream "Uhh Night...Can I talk to you?"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Dream "I'm so happy that you got engaged brother.."

Nightmare "........."

Nightmare "but?"

Dream "but..... But isn't Polygamous marriage illegal?"

Nightmare "......."

And that was the glass shattering moment. Dream wasn't trying to be cruel or anything like that. He was just generally concerned that Nightmare hadn't thought of that.

So later that night, Nightmare brought it up to his partners and of course both of them where upset when they remembered that law. So began a long talk about what they could do. In the end Ccino mostly just said that it didn't matter to him if they were married, so long as they were together. Since he's still just a small city boy, he didn't really see that there was to much they could do, he was content to just maybe have a ceremony where they promise to be life partners, but not marry.

Nightmare and Killer on the other hand were not satisfied with that.

That Night, when Ccino was asleep the two got to talking. I like to think that over the years that Nightmare and Killer have become icons for the poly community, much like Elton Jon is one for the gay community. The two of them decided that they were going to use this to fight for the right to marry each other.

It started small. Posts on social media, comments in interviews. They started speaking out that they should be allowed to be wed. Because they loved each other and the law shouldn't stop them. There where online polls and campaigns as their fan base who had been a huge fan of the throuple started to back them up.

This is when Ccino became alerted to what they were doing. He was scared that they could damage their reputations and careers over this. He told them that he wasn't worth everything they were risking. That if they really wanted to get married, the two of them could and he'd just keep being their boyfriend.

They told him no and then lovingly told him to shut up and they would take care of it.

So began the start of a long legal battle, which all together spanned about 2 years. From when they first started talking about it online, to when the find judgment was made. They were denied.

In the end the court ruled that if polygamy was legalised, it would cause alot of issues. Its a taboo for a reason, and some people would just abuse it for their own gain.

Both Killer and Nightmare were heart broken. Ccino told them that he was so proud of them for trying and that he loved them more then ever. But Killer and Nightmare were still really upset.

This upset Ccino, because he'd seen how hard they had worked and as he thought over everything, he realised that he was actually irritated himself. In fact, he was a little angry. So now it was his turn to say No.

Ccino "you know what? No!"

Killer "what?"

Ccino "they said they couldn't legalise it because people would abuse the system"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Ccino "well I say No! That doesn't apply to us. You aren't some guy who wants a bunch of wives. We are 3 people who all love each other equally. We should have the right to marry"

Killer and nightmare "........"

Killer "we thought you said that you were ok with it"

Ccino "I'm not. Of course I'm not! I want to marry you both! "

So this prompted them to start a new campaign. If Polygamy couldn't be legalised for everyone, then they was campaign for the court to give the 3 of them legal right to marry. If a man could get the rights to marry himself (true story) and a women could be granted the right to marry a building (again, true story) then the 3 of them should be granted permission to marry.

So they took it back to court and this time Ccino took a more active roll in it, though Nightmare and Killer were more dominant. Ccino appeared with Nightmare and Killer in some interviews, but even if his mental health was much better at this point, he still couldn't fully handle all the pressure. But he put in a lot of work behind the scenes to help his partners in the case.

They Luckily still had the support of the public. They argued that they didn't want to abuse the system, they didn't want to have the bunch or wives or a bunch of husbands. They were 3 people who all loved each other deeply and just wanted to be married to each other.

Imagine the judge in court asking them why they wanted to make it legal to marry Ccino and why they couldn't just date him. And Killer just stands up like.

"dude have you seen him!? Who wouldn't want to make that fluffy marshmallow their husband?"

Then as Jan said this leaves poor Ccino (who is sat next to him) just a blushing mess and he says “Killer, don’t be so loud it’s embarrassing..”

Meanwhile, nightmare staring the judge dead in the eyes.

“I agree he’s to adorable not to marry, I mean if we don’t marry him someone else may try to steal him. And I refuse to let that happen”

(thanks for these ideas Jan)

After another 2 years or so of fighting for it. After all the public backing and the long process. Killer, Nightmare and Ccino are finally granted the right to marry.

Just imagine Nightmare trying to keep composed in court, though his having a little party in his head, and Killer on the other hand just stand on his table in court like.

"yes! Ha!"

Then he points at Ccino "guess what fluffy buns! We are marrying you!"

Ccino is so shocked, but he's also so happy. He truly never would have dreamt of this happening.

The moment that Nightmare, Killer are handed over the legal documents, they don't waste a moment, they grab Ccino and jump straight into their car. Then they drive straight to Las Vegas to elope not stopping to change or pack any clothes or anything, because they don't want to wait a second longer.

Of course Ccino gets super flustered at their suggestion to elope.

Ccino "get m-married right now!? But don't you want to wait? And have some big celebrity wedding? You mentioned it before"

Nightmare "nope"

Killer "we've been engaged for over 4 years, we want to put a ring on it right now!"

Nightmare "we don't need a big wedding, or all that stuff. We just need you to say I do"

Nightmare and Killer "so... Will you?"

Ccino "......"

Ccino "YES!"

(though maybe they stopped to pick up dream on the way. Nightmare probably knows that Dream would kill him if he missed his wedding.)

So the 3 were married in a small Chapel. Nothing fancy, but for them it was perfect. They all agreed that they would probably host a proper reception and ceremony for their friends and family to attend later. But for now, they didn't need that, they just needed to be married. It was a very small simple thing.

They probably stayed in a Vegas hotel that night. Probably had some time to celebrate. I just imagine Killer waking the two of them up the next morning with breakfast he'd ordered like:

"Good morning Husbands"

And he just can't keep the smile off his face.

About a year later they have a more formal ceremony. Which of course is super fun. But for them it doesn't change that fact that their actual wedding was truly perfect.

And dam I just love those 3. Jan was the one who wanted me to share this with you guys and I really hope you like it as much as me.

Dam it Dream XD

BTW, I know this most likely isn't fully realistic to what the legal system is like, but give me a break. I’m not a lawyer, I’m a shipper. Its fiction, just let me have it.

studio verse by @zu-is-here

original nightmare by jokublog

original killer by rahafwabas

original ccino by black-nyanko 

Oh and @kotikaleo I'm sorry I forgot to tag you! You always as to be tagged in this stuff. Sorry idk if you saw it