#but yeah not a great therapist overall

[alexei-home-fromthewar-at-last]

Thinking about the time I tried to explain my genderfluidity to a therapist as someone who fluctuates between female and different nonbinary genders, never male. We had talked about my nonbinary sibling earlier in the session as she was confused about they/them pronouns and said she had heard of that before and understood. And then I explained about where my nonbinary genders were personally on the spectrum between male and female and such and got the end of my 5+ minute explanation to get:

“…but we only have two genders?”

[mxgyver]

.

[loveindefinitely]

༊*·˚ NEW JOBS AND DEATH THREATS — cod x reader

CRAVE YOU — call of duty x reader CHAPTER ONE

featuring. simon 'ghost' riley + johnny 'soap' mactavish + kyle 'gaz' garrick + john 'bravo six' price + alejandro vargas + rodolfo 'rudy' parra + könig + keegan p. russ

warnings. nsfw, fem!reader, prison au, serial killer au, reverse harem, therapist/patient, medical inaccuracies, graphic violence, depictions of murder, everyone's unhinged, poly tf141, minor ships, threesomes, foursomes, gangbangs, this is not medical advice!!

series masterlist. read on ao3.

Life was hard. That was a fact.

Bills and groceries didn’t pay for themselves. That was also a fact.

Adding these two factors together, the final product will be a high-risk job in one of the highest-risk places on Earth. That’s… not a fact.

And yet, here you are, standing at the visitor entrance of Las Almas Prison, sporting a disgruntled grimace and a new pair of black slacks that you’d splurged on. They, at least, made your ass look good, although that was truly the least of your worries.

No. Your current list of worries looked something like this;

Getting Murdered

Getting Attacked

Vomiting Within The First Five Minutes Of Your New Job?

…Yeah. Something like that.

The early morning sun is blinding where it sits, just off to the side of the giant concrete building that was the main offices and Visitor Centre. The fact that you were standing in front of what was only a small part of the overall prison grounds was… alarming.

You were well aware that this was the largest prison in your country, housing the most lethal and awful of criminals. Some you’d seen either on the news, or heard of in passing conversations.

This was the real deal. And, somehow, you’d managed to find yourself being hired to work here. You. Work with serial killers. The worst of the worst.

With the stress on your bank account, and the endless struggle that was trying to find a stable career in the current job market, you simply had no other choice but to accept the offer. It paid extremely well, had great benefits, and your safety was… fairly considered.

The amount of NDAs, liability clauses and agreements, however?

Not the best at calming your nerves, to say the least.

The biting chill of the winter wind has you wrapping your arms around yourself, leather bag slung over your shoulder as you finally step through the automatic sliding door.

You’re not surprised to find that the chill only deepens inside the concrete walls of the building, with no heaters or air conditioning from what you can see. There is, however, bright white overhead lights that do nothing except aid the throbbing in the side of your head – probably due to the restless sleep you’d had the night before, anticipation and anxiety warring inside of your thoughts.

There’s an office in front of you as you step in, with only a few decades-old couches to your right, in front of a dingy TV that’s turned off. Saving their budget for more important things, you suppose.

The walls are a pale, grimy yellow, with sparse photos hung about, framing newspaper articles that are surely from the last century, and black and white pictures of the prison’s opening.

It’s an unsettling place, that much you’ve already gathered.

You haven’t even actually been inside the prison, you remind yourself, your stomach churning where it now lays at your feet.

Without a second thought, you continue with hurried steps to the front desk, where scratched plastic encases the sole woman inside, sitting behind a monitor. There’s a circle of holes that allow for sound to pass through, but other than that, there’s no way of entering from this room. With a quick study of your surroundings, you see a steel door to the left of where the desk sits, with a small square window covered in iron bars.

…Jesus christ.

“Can I help you?” The woman drawls, sliding her glasses further up her nose. Her voice is nasally, and the words come out in a slow drawl as she looks you up and down, unimpressed.

You give her your best smile, although even you can tell that it’s an uneasy one. “Yes! This is my first day, I think I’m supposed to be meeting Kate Laswell?” You ask, nerves betraying your voice with unsteady breaths.

The woman snaps her gum.

You stand there.

She blows it again.

You continue to stand there.

Her gaze is bored and completely void of any thought, before she nods slowly. “Laswell… I’ll call her.”

Really, you couldn’t be more shocked if you tried. What the fuck was happening? How could one lack so much… professionalism?

“Hi, Kate. Yes, it’s Jenny. I have a new hire who apparently wants to see you…” Her voice remains that unbearably slow, sloth-like delivery, before her eyes unhurriedly meet yours again. “What’s your name…?”

You give it to her, tone only the slightest bit impatient as you roll back on the heels of your feet. You can only hope that your black boots are appropriate; you’d figured that they were safe, closed-toe and still somewhat professional.

Time would tell. Jenny was giving you the impression that they were more than acceptable, because at least they got you to do your job in a timely manner.

Jenny says a few more words to who can only pray is Laswell on the other end of the phone, before she places it back in its holder. 

“Laswell will be here any…” She pops her gum once more, and maybe, just maybe, you can understand the urge to murder. “Moment.”

You give her a tight, painful smile. “Thank you, Jenny.”

She doesn’t respond, and you decide to just stand back and wait. You certainly weren’t complaining – any more conversation with her would’ve ended with a severe lack of hair on your head.

A minute passes, before a buzz in the pocket of your slacks has your throat tightening. 

Pulling out your phone, your next exhale comes out shaky as you read the text.

Charlie: get milk otw home used it all

No ‘good luck’. No… ounce of care for you, or the absolute stress that comes with a new job, let alone one like this.

When you’d told him about the offer, all he’d said was, “It might make you worth something for a change.” Didn’t even question, not for a minute, the risks that came with a job like this. He simply couldn’t give less of a fuck.

“Doctor?” The sound of a door opening, and the kind, almost motherly tone of the voice has you shoving your phone into your pocket once more as you turn to the source of the sound.

It’s a woman, her hair pulled back into a slick bun, one hand holding what seems to be a clipboard. Her other hand rests in the pocket of a white coat, not unlike one a scientist would be fashioning in a lab. Her smile is warm, the corner of her eyes crinkling as you direct a smile of your own her way.

“Kate Laswell?” You ask, extending your hand for her to shake. Taking her hand out of her pocket, she accepts it gracefully, nodding her head.

“The one and only,” she says, before gesturing to the steel door she’d entered through. “Now, today we’ll get you set up with a keycard, general rules, and I’ll have you meet two of your patients.”

You nod, following her as she swipes a card in a black reader, before the red light buzzes green, and she pulls the door open. Right behind her, you take an unstable deep breath as you take in the greyed, jagged walls, a complete contrast to the painted ones of the entrance room.

“We really are so glad to welcome you to our team,” she continues, her black work shoes clicking against the smooth concrete flooring. She doesn’t turn to you as she speaks, but her voice carries around the echoey hallway. “You’ll make a great addition. A necessary one, also. We’ve needed an innovative, young therapist for a while. Most of our… previous hires have held out-dated beliefs, and a lack of humanity for their clientele.”

That makes your brows furrow in confusion. “That’s… odd,” you murmur, before pausing your steps as Laswell stops, swiping her keycard, before entering another room.

As you step into the newly revealed space, your eyes go wide as you take it in. 

It’s a wide, large space, with several floors. Metal staircases sit at either end of the vast space, allowing access to every floor. Guards sit at every level, some walking around the space where you and Laswell stand.

It’s a lot, all at once. You’d never even stepped foot into a prison – not before now.

“Most inmates are at the mess for breakfast,” Laswell supplies, turning to you with a neutral expression. She gestures for you to follow her back out of the space, and you do with hurried steps. “The ones you’ll be dealing with, however… they usually eat by themselves.”

You don’t decide to push that statement, not now, as you continue to follow her down the hallway.

“You won’t be seeing much of the prison,” she admits. “There’s heavily guarded spaces on the top floor for your sessions, both for your protection and for the safety of our staff and other low-risk inmates.”

You nod, humming a sound of affirmation as the two of you start heading up the cleaner steps at the end of the hallway. The staff staircase, you suppose.

“Today, you’ll be meeting two of our more… understanding ambers.”

You raise a brow. “Ambers? What does that mean?”

She turns her head over her shoulder, just enough to shoot you a knowing look. “Ambers are our highest-risk inmates. We house ten of them, and you’ll be dealing with eight as per your contract.”

Your stomach falls. You’d known, of course, that the risks were high when applying for this role. But… this was more than you’d imagined, in a way. Ambers. Huh.

Silence falls over the two of you as you make your way up the never-ending steps, no windows in sight. It’s unnerving, in a creepy, strange way. When you finally reach the top, you try and hide how out of breath you are from that small exertion.

Fucking christ.

Laswell, for her part, looks completely fine in an effortless way. You can’t eve find it in yourself to be envious. The feeling’s closer to admiration.

“Here’s the files on them both. You’ll be seeing Kyle Garrick first,” she hands you the clipboard she’d been carrying, and you accept it with only a slight tremble. She doesn’t comment on it, and you find yourself warming up to her already. “They’ll be restrained, and there is heavy security, so you needn’t worry about that side of things.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” you say earnestly, flipping through the files without reading much of anything, not yet. 

She waves you off with a soft chuckle. “None of that. Kate’s more than fine,” she insists, and you give her a bright smile in return. Maybe this job wouldn’t be so bad – a boss like this was much better than a creepy middle-aged man any day of the week.

You don’t realise you’ve made it to a small room until she stops walking, scanning her keycard and pushing the door open, gesturing you in. “While you have your first two sessions, I’ll sort your keycard and the rest of the processes out. I wish you luck.”

With that, the door shuts behind you, and you’re alone in a small room.

It matches the rest of the hallways you’ve seen – grey concrete walls, grey concrete floors. The only furniture, however, is one metal table drilled into the floor in the centre, one chair on either side. 

…It’s depressing. Not at all like you’d prefer, not for a fucking therapy session, but then again, you hadn’t met your clients yet.

Ambers. High-risk.

With a deep breath, you take a seat at the chair closest to you, finally reading through the top file on the clipboard.

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick. 

You skim over the height, weight, sex – immediately reading the comments made and his sentence.

Mass murderer. Motivated attacks.

Your eyes go wide, almost comically so, as you bite at your lip, folding one leg over the other as you continue to read. 

Of course, you’d prepared, been made aware that you’d be dealing with murderers. But having it in black and white, right in front of you, is a whole other thing entirely. 

Apparently, they were motivated attacks. Targets being large CEOs, specifically those with reported claims of misuse of power, and those against green laws. Anti-environment types.

The motive is… you’re aware killing is bad. You hadn’t spent years studying for a degree in Psychology to think otherwise. But it wasn’t as simple as some made it out to be. You’d done papers suggesting that certain motives implied healthier patterns, healthier outlets.

If you had to choose between him killing pregnant women, and CEOs with broken moral compasses?

It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out your answer.

You’re about to flip the page when there’s a knock on the door on the other side of the room, before it opens.

There’s two guards that walk in, before a man in an olive green jumpsuit follows, hands cuffed tightly together in front of him, head down. Another guard from behind shoves him in, too rough for your liking. You sit up straighter, eyes assessing as you take in the man in the jumpsuit.

He’s forced into the chair opposite you, before one of the guards grabs his cuffed wrists and chains them to a rig in the middle of the table. You’re grateful for the precautions, but there’s a part of you that feels guilty watching the manhandling of the seemingly calm man.

“Half an hour,” the most brutish guard of them all grits out, beer belly spilling out over his belted jeans. He jostles the chain attaching his wrists to the table unnecessarily, and your eyes narrow.

He goes to leave, along with another guard, but one stands to stay in position inside, beside the door.

Your brows furrow, and you speak up before you can stop yourself. “Sorry, sir, but my sessions will need confidentiality, as for the best results. I’m sure that I’ll be safe with his restraints.”

The guard stares you down, seemingly mulling your words over, before shrugging and leaving the room, door shutting behind him.

…Huh. Alright.

You find your posture relaxing, just slightly, which is odd, considering you’re now only a metre or two away from a convicted murderer.

His gaze is trained to the table, left foot tapping incessantly against the concrete floor.

“It’s nice to meet you, Gaz,” you say with a soft tone and a gentle smile. You figure that his nickname is the best bet, not wanting to stir up any possible traumas with his given name during your first session with the man. “I’ll be your new psychiatric evaluator.”

His eyes flick up, meeting yours, and he nods slowly, as if awaiting a punchline. 

“Is it okay for me to call you Gaz?” You ask, tilting your head to the side and flipping to an empty page to take notes on. You’d need to grab a notebook from home, you decide.

He relaxes, only the smallest of movements, and he nods. “Gaz, yeah.”

Your smile widens at the small victory. Any step towards progress was a huge one, in your eyes. You’d be facing a lot of them in the coming days.

“Do you have any advice for this place?” You push, trying to form a bond of trust with the dark-haired man. “I’m gonna be honest, you’re my first patient, and I’ve only met Laswell and… Jenny?”

His mouth quirks at that, a dimple showing to the left of his mouth as he looks back up at you. “Jenny’s a character, ain’t she?”

You laugh, a genuine one, and nod. “She certainly is. You’ve met her?”

He shrugs, shoulders relaxing slightly. “Few times, yeah. She drives me up the fuckin’ wall.” His accent is only minimally apparent, but his voice is of a somewhat humorous tone.

Small victories.

“Well,” he exhales, settling into his chair a bit as he seems to ponder. “Do ya know who else you’re assigned to?”

You’d been sure to thoroughly go over your contract, and you were allowed to disclose your other patients between your others. They’d find out within the day, anyways, so there was no point in being discreet.

“It’s only you and a… John Price? Today. I’m sure I’ll find out the other six over the next few days,” you say, appreciating that he’s starting conversations. It’s more than you’d allowed yourself to hope for.

Gaz’s eyes light up, and even if you hadn’t been incessant in watching him, it’d be an obvious shift in emotions. “Price?”

You nod, quickly making a note on your clipboard, before folding your hands in your lap as you gesture for him to continue with a quick inclination of your head.

“He’s the best. Man’s a legend,” he enthuses. “Love ‘im.”

There’s… a hidden truth to that statement, that you make a mental note to unpack during a later session. Your smile is a natural one as you say, “He’s an amber, correct? Laswell told me I’d been assigned eight out of ten ambers… you’re one of them, right?”

Gaz seems to fold into himself, and you kick yourself for going back to square one. He answers, however.

“...Yeah. Only Ghost ‘nd Valeria are aggressive, though. We’re just… misunderstood,” he murmurs, and in the back of your brain, you find yourself believing his words.

“Thank you,” you smile, and he responds with a sharp one of his own. Maybe you’d covered more ground than you’d expected. “I think it’d been mentioned that I was only assigned men, due to the nature of the job, or something like that.”

Seeming to mull over your words, he starts to slowly nod. “Sounds ‘bout right. As long as you don’t get Graves, you’ll be alright. The others are… fuckin’ weird, but they’re good men. Mostly.”

That’s a lot of information at once, and quite frankly, it takes a moment for you to process. 

“‘Good men’. What do you think it takes to be a good man?” You ask, curiosity laced into your tone. Getting to ask such questions of a convicted murderer, it’s a thrilling, exhilarating task.

His eyes don’t shift as he replies. “Good men do the acts others are too scared to do. They see the evil in the world, and rid of it with their own bare hands. You can be an ethical murderer, Doc.”

Those words, they’re – they’re authentic, and conviction aches in their structure. 

You swallow around a dry mouth.

“You think you’re a good man?” You ask.

His smile would be seen as warm to any who weren’t aware of his acts, but to you – it’s chilling. Haunting in a way you’ve never experienced.

It remains as he answers.

“I think that I’m a man who people wish they had the bravery to be.”

a/n. okay so im really nervous about posting this, cause ITS EIGHT FUKCING LOVE INTERESTS and also im a humanities girl not a science one!! sociology all the way not psych!! so forgive me for all the inaccuracies and legality issues please. im just a girl. hopefully u guys will like this one? i mean, obsessed serial killers cod is smth i need so here we are. all comments and feedback mean so muchhh ty ily mwah mwah mwah

taglist comment/msg to be added. [nothing to see here.]

[specialagentartemis]

ykw i am having so much fan watching you be a hater, that i’ve decided to ask for more. PLEASE give us a rant about a book you hated.

Haha aw I'm honored. And uh I hope you don't have any particular attachment to Becky Chambers. Sorry in advance.

But A Psalm for the Wild-Built won a Hugo and I do not get the love. Book 1 was nice enough, yeah. Book 2 had me tearing my hair out.

Sibling Dex is a restless Tea Monk who serves the God of Small comforts on the science-fantasy planet of Panga. I genuinely love the idea of a tea monk - part therapist, part confessor, travels around to the different towns, mixes tea blends for people, lets them talk about their worries and fears and stresses, and gives them, if not advice, then sympathy and a listening ear and some calming tea. This is meaningful work but they're unhappy. After doing this for a while they're still unsatisfied with their life, so they go into the woods searching for self-actualization, and meet a robot named Mosscap, a wild robot that lives in the woods. See, hundreds of years ago, all the robots "woke up" and became sentient one day, then they staged a quiet rebellion against humanity's greed and industrialization by walking into the woods and never coming back. Now, the continent is split in half: humans stay on the Human Side, and robots stay on the Robot Side. The Robot Side is kept wild and humans are discouraged from going in there because humans can't be trusted not to ruin Nature. The rpbots are welcome to come to the Human Side, they just never have. Dex is the first person in a While to venture into the woods of the Robot Side, and the first human since the great walkout to see a robot. Mosscap gives Dex a lot of philosophical pep talks about not pushing themself so hard, about allowing themself to just rest and appreciate the world without feeling like they need to be Providing A Service to justify their existence. It's a nice theme. Underbaked, imo, but nice. Relateable.

Book 2 was a goddamn mess.

Book 1 mostly takes place in the wilderness of the woods, so it's okay if the nice utopian human community Dex comes from was sketchily-built. It Just Works, and everyone Is Just Nice, this is a science-fantasy parable. There were some issues I had with it - like the strict ideological and physical divide between Nature and Humans, and the fact that Dex's religion seems to be the Only Religion In The World, and it's vaguely secular-humanist with the gods being not "really" gods but names given to primordial forces and philosophical concepts, and the religion not really making any demands of its adherents in any way except to become their best selves and devote themselves to what they like... it's potentially interesting, but overall kinda lazy. It felt like Becky Chambers was aware of the idea that having an enlightened-atheist sci-fi utopia is Problematic, so she made there be a central religion, but she also didn't want it to have any of the ~icky~ things religions have, like belief in anything supernatural, or dietary restrictions, or creeds, or codes of behavior, or expectations to make any kind of sacrifice in any way. All the gods "ask" is that humans observe and appreciate the world. But whatever.

In book 2, Dex and Mosscap return to Dex's society, and the book seems to want to explain how the world works, and oh my GOD is Chambers not prepared to do this.

"Observe and appreciate" is all anyone is asked to do. Book 2, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy, is an ode to ultimate virtue of Doing Nothing. There's this attitude I see in a LOT of utopian fiction, where the author is bluntly just not a good enough author to imagine a utopian society where people act like people, so in the world of Panga, utopian society is achieved through 1) homogeneity 2) no one giving a crap about anything.

As far as I can tell, there is the one religion. Most people are Fine with this. Most people are Fine with anything. There are no characters with distinct personalities. There's no money, except there is, except it's not real money and no one will deny you anything if your balance is in the red, even though your balance is available to be seen by anyone - this does not cause any kind of shame or pride or competition in any way, and Dex doesn't understand why it might. There are no hierarchies or governing bodies, people just volunteer to step up when things need doing (this is portrayed as great and not deeply concerning). There are different communities, but in them, everyone is uniformly nice, friendly, and helpful at all times. There are some parts of nature, like the seashore, where people are not allowed to go because they'll ruin the environment, and this is accepted as correct and necessary. Most people live in hippie, pro-recycling, high-tech, end-of-history green communities; there's one group they visit, however, that doesn't trust technology, and lives in a vaguely sci-fi-Amish way. You might think, Dex travelling around with a robot, this might cause conflict! It does not. The people from this community calmly explain their anti-technology position, Dex calmly explains their pro-technology position, and they politely respect each other. "Not bothered either way" is a phrase that turns up in various permutations a lot and is held up as the good, mature, responsible way to be.

There's a scene where they catch a fish for dinner, and instead of killing it, the scifi-Amish guy says "We let the air do that for us, and they let the fish slowly suffocate to death in the air while they all look on solemnly and sadly. This is portrayed as a deep, beautiful moment of them witnessing and honoring the final moments of a living being's life. And not. y'know. them torturing a living being to death so they can keep their own hands clean.

This is what I mean about the valorization of passivity: observing is all you are ever obligated to do. Letting a fish die in the air is better than killing it quickly and humanely, because doing things gets your hands dirty, while letting things simply happen is the Correct way to do it.

At the end, Mosscap and Dex blow off all their promises and appointments and just hang out at the beach chilling out instead, because do what you want forever, you don't have to do shit. This is the happy affirming ending. Mosscap you fucking said you'd meet with the city leaders as the robot ambassador to the humans, did you tell them you were blowing off this commitment because you didn't feel like doing that anymore??? Did you even let them know??????

It is SUCH a baffling book. The theme wants to be "you are more than your job, you deserve to just Be" and ends up feeling like "you don't have to do anything ever, and no one can make you do anything you don't want to do if you don't feel like it, and you don't owe anyone anything and searching for a purpose in your life is just making you stressed out so chill at the beach instead."

The thing that drives me crazy is like. Mosscap cheerfully tells Dex about robots that spend twenty years in a cave watching stalactites form because they think it's beautiful, and those robots are just as much a valued part of society as anyone else. Appreciating beauty and wonder is good enough, you don't need to be productive. And I'm just. fuckin. like. Humans are not robots! Robots don't need to eat or sleep! Humans need food, and clothes, and shelter, and medical care, and if we don't have SOMEONE working to provide that, we Die! Nice as it would be, we CAN'T just all do nothing forever until we feel like it! We can't do that!

And at the same time, the book bizarrely treats wanting a purpose in life as like... almost disordered. If you are seeking a purpose in life it's because you just haven't let go of your guilt and relaxed enough. It's bizarre. Valorization of passivity. Humans aren't meant to be in nature so we just Shouldn't. Doing nothing and having no strong opinions is the most self-affirmed you can possibly be. Letting a fish suffocate is more moral than quickly breaking its neck or spiking its brain. Someone else will do it. Who, if we're all supposed to be resting and only doing what we feel like? Don't worry about it.

"The heart of this book is comfort [...] There is nothing in it that can hurt you." YOU LIAR BECKY CHAMBERS THE FISH SCENE STILL DISTURBS AND UPSETS ME TO THIS DAY

[platoniclace]

You Ever Have Those Realizations?

You're just sitting, doing your thing, maybe reading, and suddenly, you are hit in the face with the steel baseball bat of epiphany. You have now realized why you love that one character *so much.*

Yeah, so anyways, I was reading Uncanny Spider-Man last night, as you do, because I was curious about this little mini-series. Overall, not a bad series. A little rushed, but ah well. A little odd, too, but this is X-Men; what isn't a little odd? Not the point, though. Here I was reading when I got to this panel:

And, okay, ow. Were the writers of this comic present in my therapy session yesterday?

Needless to say, alongside this panel appeared the aforementioned steel baseball bat.

To the face.

(but not the groin, that's a different metaphor of mine that doesn't quite fit here)

But it just hit me all at once. Kurt is a character that's been beaten down by life in more ways than one. He's tried, he's tried *a lot,* and he has great reason to be angry or bitter or resentful. It would make complete sense for a character like him to hit a point and give up entirely, and his rant here about deserving to stop really hits home.

And yet he's none of those things. He absolutely has his moments (like above), but who doesn't? Overall, Kurt's character is consistently depicted as someone full of hope, someone who tries to see the best, who clings to his faith and keeps pushing forward because he believes it's all ultimately worth it. And good Lord if I don't feel that. I just got done telling my therapist how I'm just so tired, how I want it all to stop, how I want to stop putting on that brave face and pushing on like a good little soldier. And yet here I am praying to God Almighty for strength to keep going because He definitely knows I have none left.

Anyways, all this to say, I love Nightcrawler a lot for quite a few different reasons, and I'm quietly talking myself off the cliff of immediately tattooing this furry elf onto my body with money I don't have.

Have a lovely day, friend :)

P.S. Extra Kurt panel that I also vibe with 1000% as a reward for reading my little ramble

[bluberryfields]

"David is very easy to fall in love with." - Michael Sheen

Hi. How are you? Good, I hope. Okay, so can we talk about just how fucking beautiful David Tennant is? And by “we” I mean “I” and by “talk” I mean “babble incoherently into the void”? Great! I’ll attempt to impose a bit of organization on this just to satisfy my pathological need to inflict structure on words (thanks college/job/brain), but I can’t promise much. Also, there will be A LOT of pictures and gifs. (you’re welcome?)

And this isn’t just because I am deep in the bottomless well of Good Omens fandom and that Crowley is basically the most breathtaking creature that has ever existed. Well, not just because of that.

*cue Aziraphale's "good lord" from 1793*

ANYWAY, like a lot of people, I became a fan of (i.e., fell deeply and irrevocably in love with) DT during his run as the 10th Doctor. He was young and bright and full of just about everything – joy, sorrow, wit – making him incredibly watchable. His look was also so charming: big bouncy rooster comb of hair, absurdly cheeky smile, expressive-as-fuck eyes and eyebrows, and a tall, lanky form that seemed to be made of rubber and the kind of granulated sugar that could only be found in candy from the 90s that are now banned in all first- and second-world countries.

So yeah, I was super into him and his Doctor’s adventures. And I continued to watch him in other projects and still swoon (looking at you, slutty Hamlet)

even at characters where that was not the desired reaction (fuck you, Kilgrave, you delicious monster).

I would also always become a bit (a lot) weak in the knees at his voice regardless of which accent he took on, though always preferring him doing any Scottish brogue because of fucking course.

Roll that tongue, you sexy beast.

But what I want to get into today is just how incredible he looks in the year of 2023.

He’s 52 years old and I am somehow even more attracted to him. Maybe it’s because I am myself older, and my tastes have matured alongside? I certainly do enjoy gray hair way more than I did 10 years ago.

He’s aged incredibly well, probably a combination of good genes and good health, and he’s clearly not clinging to the Hollywood idea of “youth”.

(insert obligatory grumble about the double standards of men being praised for aging and women being demonized…the potentially problematic nature of the term “aging well” in general…acknowledge this with my enlightened brain but ignore this with my slutty heart…fuck the patriarchy, etc. etc.)

He’s still tall and skinny, even gangly at times, all long arms and legs that can move in impossible directions with unfathomable grace.

His face is leaner, that incredible bone structure creating sharper edges that draw the eye. Speaking of the face, he’s got these creases on his forehead and at the corners of his eyes and mouth that are evidence of time spent well: smiling, laughing, living. Makes you want to trace your fingertips along each one.

Oh god that smile? Good lord. It’s weapons grade charm that can also be quite intimidating. Sweet, humble, silly, scary…full spectrum of options here! His shark smile is the definition of “irresistible” in my Dictionary of Delicious Dudes.

I am both proud of and grossed out by my own word choice.

Continuing with that face...the hawkish nose, the dimples you want to drown in, the big eyes, those motherfucking eyebrows...

I could seriously write a whole essay about those eyebrows, but I already give my therapist enough to worry about.

Oh those eyes. “Piercing” is a term usually reserved for blue eyes, but I would argue it applies to DT’s bottomless chocolate pools in that they slice through my heart every damn time.

Honorable mention does go to those Crowley snake eyes because they could have been distracting and diminishing to his overall look, but they absolutely are not.

Such a pretty shade of yellow.

Random tangent to swoon about his hands. For whatever reason, I like checking out a man’s hands, and DT’s got a set that drives me wild. I can’t even really explain why, but I just really like the way he articulates with them. Crowley is a perfect example, what with the miracle snaps, caressing globes, and holding whisky glasses. Yum.

Delicious demon digits

Fresh tangent: How does this fucker look good clean shaven, with stubble, and a goddamn beard? How is that allowed?

He's got a face that makes me wanna take up sculpting

Further, how is his fucking neck so hot? Like, seriously, show me the math. I can’t stop staring at it. And when it’s cloaked in a turtleneck? Please, sir, may I have some more?

Fuuuuuuuck

With no segue whatsoever, I am absolutely obsessed with his hair, across all contexts. Big, bold, blood-red Crowley coifs (especially in Season 2)? Check.

Proper gentleman side part? Check.

Side shave with cartoonishy springy 14th Doctor shock? Check.

Lockdown locks with and without headband? Check!

It’s a goddamn buffet of delicious options.

Oh damn speaking of that 14th Doctor look? Good fucking Christ on a buttery Ritz cracker. The whole DT collection is on display: the hair, the eyes, the bone structure, the smile, the clothes, and even the glasses!

To quote Pam on Archer, “I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would.”

Now that you (I) mention the clothes, I never cease to marvel at how he can wear pretty much anything and look amazing. Stripes, patterns, wild colors, etc. He just always looks…not exactly comfortable, but sort of at ease like the clothes were created with him in mind. And this goes across the spectrum of Casual to Costume to Promotional (e.g., interviews and premieres).

They are almost illegally cute together

We all know by now how ridiculously tight those Crowley pants are and how it influenced his signature serpentine swagger (thank you, Costume department, you’re the real heroes). That said, he and those slinky hips still looks so incredibly natural in them like they came from his actual closet.

Stupid sexy snek

And he pulls off the look of more ridiculous stuff like full Shakespearean costumes or that sad gray-hoodie-black-shorts-and-Wellington-boots combo from the first season of Staged. He somehow gives off the air of “whatever, they’re just clothes, man” while also looking like a damn model.

Georgia is a very lucky woman

Final thoughts: I know DT dislikes talking about how people think he’s so attractive because I’m sure it feels a bit icky if you just want to live your life and do your job. But my guy also clearly understands that he’s not some ghoul who has succeeded on incredible personality and acting chops alone. So, that said, maybe he'll forgive me for posting such a long, rambling, ode to him?

[httpswritings]

The Great War — Katie McCabe x Reader

Additional info: Story inspired Taylor Swift’s The Great War. I’m in my Katie era, but I’m also planning on writing about other players, especially Alexia, which I have like four ideas to write about. We’ll see. I also have a draft of Ruesha x Katie inspired in Moth to a flame by The Weeknd, but I’m doubting about posting it or not. Maybe in the future I’ll write a Caitlin x Katie fic, but I don't have a clear vision of them yet to properly write about them.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, throwing up and therapy, sensitive topics overall, avoid reading if you find them triggering. Angsty Katie.

Word count: 1691

Right after Katie ended her relationship with Caitlin Foord, she met Y/N. After some time, they got into a relationship together. They enjoyed every single second of the magical connection they seemed to have. With the passing of time, Katie became more and more anxious about her relationship with Y/N. She doubted she could be what Y/N deserved, even though her girlfriend took her time every day to remind Katie that she's never been as happy in a relationship as she was with her.

«My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked»

Two heartbreaks in such a little time, with both her Ireland National Team's member Ruesha and girlfriend of seven years, and her Arsenal's teammate Caitlin Foord, who was her girlfriend during half a year, made the Irishwoman insecure about her ability to love, to trust, to have a happy fairytale ending. Katie knew these thoughts would damage her relationship with Y/N, but she couldn't help but to spend most of her day tracking every single detail that built her relationship to the obsessive point where she felt absolutely sick of herself.

«Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground»

When she reached her limit, she told Y/N about what was going on. Y/N responded well and helped Katie, and it started well. Really well. But after some time, Katie fell back into a cycle of doubt and anxiety, and those sensations kept growing when she noticed any change in Y/N's mood, as she took it too personally. This made her re-experience in her mind those moments of stress while she was with Ruesha or Caitlin.

«And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur»

Y/N tried to understand her, she tried and tried but eventually, she reached her limit.

“I want to help you. I really do. But I can't continue like this. I'm not Ruesha, nor I am Caitlin. I am aware that being in a new relationship it's difficult for you, so maybe we should take things a bit slower. I don't mean to take a break, but maybe I should go back to my flat. We will move on slower than we did before, but I do think it's the only way to work it out.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Sweet dream was over»

“Yeah, maybe you're right´”, that was Katie's only response. Y/N limited herself to sigh. That night, Katie slept alone in her bed. Her body reacting to the cold sheets and crying herself to sleep.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War»

Sweet morning messages from Y/N, “Good morning, baby. Do good at training today! Love you ;)”

Surprise visits from Y/N, lovely gifts, usually handmade ones, brought Katie to tears as she felt endlessly loved.

«Always remember

Tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie prayed for things to get back as they were during the first months of the relationship. The feeling of her not being a good girlfriend to Y/N haunted her even in her sleep.

«You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone»

Y/N suggested going to a therapist together, but Katie was unsure about that. She thought that if she couldn't quite open to her girlfriend about her feelings and thoughts, she wouldn't be able to talk about what was bothering her to a therapist. Such a huge contrast between the two parts of the relationship that drew them even more apart.

«You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from the crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it»

“No, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. I feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger about our issues.”

“I know, baby, I was just suggesting it. Let me explain you why. We are aware of having some problems in our relationship, but we don't really know how to get through it. We've tried and things keep getting worse. Maybe talking to someone who's out of our relationship can make this whole situation clearer for the both of us.”

«All that bloodshed, crimson clover

The bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

The burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War»

Katie took some weeks to meditate Y/N´s idea. She was terrified of being judged by the therapist they would talk to. Even more scared of Y/N realizing she didn't do any good to her. Eventually, she agreed.

“Maybe she's right. People attend therapy sessions. It's normal, Katie. It's normal”, she said to herself.

«It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed»

Katie was not new to getting help from a therapist. She was very open about her mental health in different areas of her life, whether that included football or not. The first time she attended a therapy session was when she was a teenager. It went well, so did the first sessions with Anna, Katie's and Y/N´s psychologist.

Making progress is not a linear process, and making mistakes is a part of the success. Mistakes are a victory in themselves, it means that you're still trying. One day, Katie had an individual session with Anna. Anna felt it was Katie's time to open about her two past relationships; a young adult romance that lasted for more than half a decade and a short but intense romance of one year after a breakup.

It was a slow conversation filled with many pauses from Katie.

“Are you gonna tell Y/N what I'm telling you?”

“No, Katie. This stays between me and you”, said Anna.

As Katie told her her experiences in love, she broke down.

The wall she had built, in order to avoid being hurt and judged, collapsed in that therapy room.

“Don't be afraid to cry. You have nothing to prove to me nor to Y/N. This is about you and your healing process. Y/N will help you and accompany you, but it's crucial for you to work on yourself, especially being a public figure.”

«Your finger on my hair pin triggers»

As Katie arrived home, she unlocked her phone and asked Y/N to come over.

“I've asked Anna, and she told me it was a good initiative and a great way of gaining some independence in our relationship, leaving her out of it for a while. Don't feel obliged to!”

“I am exhausted, baby. Work was something else today, and I’m a little bit irritated because of it, lol. Maybe another time? Love you.”

As Katie was about to spiral, she remembered Anna's advice. She breathed deeply. Y/N was setting her boundaries. She trusted Katie enough to tell her the truth and not to make any excuses. She felt tired from work. Y/N is not mad at her. She didn't do anything wrong. Everything’s okay.

«Soldier down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops»

The next day Katie woke up to a text from Y/N.

“Good morning, princess. I had a great sleep, what about you? How did you sleep? I’m up to seeing you today if you feel like it. Love you.”

Still slightly asleep, she smiled.

“I can't wait to see you today, beautiful girl. I had a good sleep, too. Good to have the bed all to myself ;))”

She frowned after sending the text with that joke at the end.

“Breath, Katie, let these useless thoughts pass. Both you and Y/N feel comfortable teasing each other”, said Katie to herself.

“Ha, ha, really funny. We both know you missed having me snoring next to you.”

“How do you know?!?!”

«That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you»

As Katie was preparing herself to go out with Y/N to have lunch, she remembered the night where Y/N left her house.

She doesn't freak out to the thought of it, but instead she does an exercise of introspection. She sees herself in her mind, almost throwing up, completely emotionally depending on her girlfriend while pushing her away and bottling up her feelings.

«We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

The worst was over»

Now she looks at herself in the mirror. She sees herself, Katie, as the woman who knows that she's loved, and she's deserving of being it. The woman who respects her girlfriend’s boundaries and doesn't freak out at the tiniest change that she perceives. The woman who's going to take her girlfriend out to have a good time having lunch, not worrying about anything but what order she's going to have.

«My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

We're burned for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

I vowed I would always be yours»

As they arrived home back from the restaurant, Y/N walked towards Katie.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. You did this. You are doing it every day. I’m so excited to see where our relationship leads us to.”

As Katie sobbed, she softly laughed, “It’s nice to cry sometimes. God, I feel so relieved. I’m so proud of myself, too, of us! Thank you for being there for me, Y/N, thank you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life as your girlfriend.”

“Even when you'll wake up to my snoring?”

“Especially when I'll wake up to your snoring.”

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[harusaki-hugo]

I fight with alien once.

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers+slightly hetalia

Characters: Sano Manjiro , Ryuguji Ken, Sano Shinichiro, Mitsuya Takashi + GN!Reader

Synopsis: Tokrev boys with s/o who keep saying weird thing but this time involving fighting alien. Honestly it's a crackfic.

Your boyfriend know your habit of randomly start telling the story of your life, it's a cute habit honestly and he adore you about this because now he know more about you. But sometimes it's can be confusing when your stories start getting weird and make no sense but he love you too much that he keep listening to your stories, that's it untill one day you suddenly blurted out; "I fight with aliens once."

Sano Manjiro;-

He looks at you with a raised eyebrows, half eating taiyaki between his lips as he turn around to fully look at you.

"Really?"-"Really!! It's a noppera type of aliens."

The type who listens to your story before falling asleep, no matter where you are if you start talking expect him fall asleep halfway through it.

But don't worry he , surprisingly, remember all the story you told him perfectly, no hole in plot at all.

When he in the mode he will ask a detailed question about it.

"So you tell me that you stuck between wall and a hundreds of aliens and the only thing you did are giving them food and entertainment?"-"Yup!"-"Huh, neat."

Actually impressed with the story and wondering when will the aliens attack earth again resulting you smacking him in the head.

Overall; he might be walking red flags but that ain't stopping him being a 10 and great listener to your weird story.

Ken Ryuguji;

Literally sighing heavily and give you the most deadpan expression second to someone you know but still-

"I can accept when you told me about cat talking to you but this too far , honey."-"but drakeeenn!!"-"no, nope , not today."-"I haven't reach the climax where I jump down to the sea."

Okay, he might got interested a bit... scratch that ,man this close pulling his hair on your story.

"I'm sorry, you what?!"-"jumping down from moving space ship and got stranded in deserted island."

Your story keep stressing this man and he don't know what true or fake because you sound so convincing , he started to worry about your childhood.

Start treating you like you have delicate mental health and try helping you get better like man literally show you a good therapist in your area.

Conclusion; Boy is 100/10 but will try to drag you to therapist if you joked about something involving mental health.

Sano shinichiro;

Didn't even bother to look at you as he continue fixing the bike , only humming and nodding at your words.

Man used to weird thing that he immune to your weird story.

"and then, grandpa Rome appears and start singing."-"grandpa Rome sound hot."

He have Mikey as his brother and Izana as adopted brother, he can handle you

-he handle it like a champ-

He didn't even bat an eye when you told him you broke someone nose and that man is the United States of America himself.

-he just thought you punch a foreigner.

Conclusion; I love this man so much that I won't stop crying, please give him the live he deserves.

Mitsuya Takashi;

This man is a saint, like boy have patience over nine thousand I can't-

"wow, that's mean thanks to you we live in peace."-"stop it! you make me blush!"

He know exactly what to say to make you happy.

"then Italy start drawing on their face."-"magnificent, did you help him?"-"heck yeah!!"

this man to precious that I physically crying inside out upside down.

He just to perfect I can't write-

He a great listener and know exactly what to said.

Didn't care how weird your story was, he loves hearing your voice.

Overall;this man is walking green flag but I will slam my feet on the break so I can stop for him.

♾️/10.

I haven't sleep for a day and I'm high on caffeine, please send help.

[dragon-cookies]

Episode 5, here we go. I'm only going into this with slightly higher hopes because Alastor's in it

Charlie and Vaggie share a bed, that's fuckin cute

"I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working" GIRL it's because you need an actual THERAPIST to help these demons. If you and Angel Dust actually talked it out in episode 4 you might've realized this

"[Lucifer] let the extermination happen to begin with!" Did he??? Because last I heard it sounded solely like a decision by Heaven

Charlie babe I really, REALLY don't think Heaven's going to give a shit if they let Adam keep his status as an angel

Charlie has the contact info for every egg boy that's fuckin CUTE

Why are we making fun of Charlie for having "daddy issues" when Lucifer wasn't a present parent, literally why is this still a trope ugh

Oh cool we're making Lucifer adorkable and silly. I'd normally say it's cute that he and Charlie are so similar but we literally just established he wasn't a great parent to her, so why are we trying to make him funny and relatable

WHY IS HIS RINGTONE FOR CHARLIE CIRCUS MUSIC

Jfc this man sounds and acts like Charlie's brother, nothing about him gives off dad vibes whatsoever

Is God even a thing in this universe?? Charlie talks about wanting to talk to the top of Heaven's ranks yet I haven't heard God be mentioned once

"My daughter wants to see me! Take THAT depression!" motherfucker you are her DAD. You should've been an actual good parent to her if you want her to stick around

Al giving Lucifer the Stink Eye is cracking me up, me too man

"AhAAAAH. Fuck you." Oh Al is MAD mad lmao

"Hoho golly, you like GIRLS" Man knows literally NOTHING about his daughter WOW

Once AGAIN song jumpscare

MAN WHIPPED OUT HIS GOLDEN FIDDLE

"Big talk for someone's who's also on a leash." Oh??? Lore?????? In THIS show??????? Lore that isn't answered 0.2 seconds later?? That's a first lol

As much as I don't like Lucifer I honestly don't really blame him for being hesitant to want sinners to go to Heaven because yeah Heaven seems fuckin awful from all that we've seen of it

"How can [Alastor] have faith in me but my own father can't?" He doesn't though, Al decided to help out with the hotel out of sheer boredom. Love how this show can't even keep its own story straight lmao

Wait DOES Al suddenly care?? When did this happen????

Holy shit the first song to not jumpscare me, that's a first

Oh fuck off this is a good song but once again it feels completely unearned

Fuck OFFF why is this song legitimately so good, this show doesn't deserve to make me emotional

Oh shit Vaggie's a fallen angel I'm gonna call it right now

Okay overall, one of least grating episodes so far. I really hope we see Lucifer actually trying to be more involved in Charlie's life and y'know, actually grow a bit, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. This show is SO immensely frustrating because it keeps giving these tiny scraps of genuine emotion and good storytelling that's just buried amongst sex jokes and swears, and it's just enough to make me want to keep watching. If it were just objectively bad all around I would've just dropped it already. Ugh.

[clunelover]

I’ve been starting and deleting a post about C and his autism for a while (just cause there’s so much I want to get down it will take time to write, but also sometimes I lose track of my central points when I write a long post). I think the points I want to make are - it’s cool that we (parents, educators) have a better framework for identifying and accommodating neurodivergent kids, and that I’m proud of C for how much progress he’s made with his emotional regulation, as well as vindication for me who has been saying "something is Up with this kid" since he was 2, and later specifically "I think he’s autistic" but took a while to get traction with his pediatrician and with Jeremy.

Oh and also an offshoot topic about autism and video games and my relationship with my stepmom, and how awesome my therapist is!

Well first I guess I’ll say, I’m just so glad we got that evaluation done and that they said he has educational autism. That’s not a formal diagnosis, but I am kind of treating it that way - and I find it’s empowering me to be able to see certain behaviors and just think "yup, he’s autistic" rather than waffling on why he might be doing that (not that I think it’s unimportant to get at more details of why he’s doing something, I just used to agonize more over the "IS that autism??" Of it all) related to that, I’m also like "lol how did any of us ever think he might not have it??" - so one example, he has always been really good at picking out routes to places we go regularly. He could give you turn by turn directions to and from daycare when he was three. This would then become distress if you went a different way that he perceived to be Wrong. At the time we were like "what a funny quirk, also he must be very smart" (still true). More recently, my dad took him to kids chess club at the library, and I had tried to prepare C but had just told him "the library" so he assumed I meant the one by our house. But it was actually a different library. So when grandpa got on the freeway, he started melting down about it being the wrong way. My dad told me about this and said he was able to calm him down, and then he had a great time at chess (more on those details later) and then afterwards, they got ice cream…so, the issue of "we’re going the wrong way" had been resolved and several more interesting things had happened since then, but as soon as he got out of my dad’s car and saw me - "why didn’t you tell me it was at a different library" was the only thing he wanted to talk about. So now, diagnosis in hand, I can just say "aw, yeah he’s autistic and knowing what’s going to happen is a big need for him - but not just what’s going to happen: where are we going, have we been there before, and how do we get there - it would help him a lot to know." And in retrospect - the fact that he’s always been so rigidly attuned to driving directions was a big sign! But also, overall we’ve come so far, I feel like when I was a kid that would have just never been caught as a sign of an actual condition, and he would have been yelled at to "just calm down" about the directions for Christ’s sake!

As for the chess - he played two games and lost both, but my dad said they were against older kids, and that C kept his cool about it! Which is really great - he used to melt down more if he lost or things didn’t go his way, but he’s made a lot of progress there. Some of it is helped by there being rules - like I’m sure if someone played WRONG or cheated or something, he’d have had a meltdown (omg sudden flashback to the worst tantrum I can remember having - I was somewhere between age 7 and 9, and was playing memory with my dad and I was convinced he’d cheated and I fucking LOST IT, screaming so hard at the top of my lungs for so long that it really freaked my dad and stepmom out…hm interesting) but anyway, losing within the established parameters is Okay with him.

Also I met his teachers today and they seem great - a woman who came to America from Mexico when she was 15, so is "fully bi-cultural and bilingual" as she put it, and then a really interesting flamboyant man whose classroom is full of puppets, and he says he uses them for different topics, like there’s the science puppet, and the social-emotional learning puppet…oh and he showed me he has tap shoes in the room that he says he uses when teaching math - tapping along to counting, or something?? Anyway he seemed like a really special guy and I think C will like him! I told the teachers about C’s educational autism. He wasn’t with me cause he was hanging out with my dad and swimming in his pool. The woman teacher suggested - they’ll be at the school on Tuesday but school doesn’t start for most classes until Wednesday, so why don’t Jeremy and I come back and bring him on Tuesday so he can meet the teachers and they can show him where the "take a break" spaces are and help him pick a spot to sit near those areas and what the "I’m taking a break" signal can be. So I’m very reassured by this!!

Okay my other topic about his video game obsession shall wait for another post cause this one is already long.

[jaysehasnograce]

11. What makes a fic 'successful' in your opinion?

15. Does anyone you know in real life know you write fanfiction?

16. What do you struggle with most when writing?

17. What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

(feel free to answer all or pick and choose ;w;)

11. I feel like what makes a fic 'successful' depends on the fandom. Smaller fandoms/ships my expectations for interaction will be smaller, but more popular things I def will be a bit sad and feel like the fic isn't successful if there isn't much interaction.

Either way, it's definitely interaction-based. Comments ESPECIALLY make me feel like I've successfully written something good, though views/bookmarks/kudos also contribute.

15. Yeah! Well, it depends on what you mean by irl. All my friends know I write fic, but they're all long-distance. My therapist knows, but that's telehealth. One of my sisters knows, but I don't talk to her anymore. I've told my grandmother and nana in the sense that I just explained the concept rather than using the word so they Sort Of Know? I think my parents know I wrote HP fanfic at uni, but I don't remember for sure and I don't talk to them either.

So yeah, that's probably a yes.

16. I struggle the most with action for sure!! Anything that requires action or heavy plot that isn't character-driven, I just struggle like hell with. Which is unfortunate because i LOVE action and plotty things and casefics, etc. But I just can't do it myself. I'm good at people and emotions and trauma, and also sex lol but I mostly do that on my other account. Gotta play to my strengths!

17. I recently felt proud of finishing my rewrite of my first fic!!!! I'll be making a post on this tumblr for it when I actually finish posting it to ao3, but it's already up on wattpad bc it was a LOT more popular over there, which was the whole reason I rewrote it. I was like look, if literally a million people now have read this i don't want THIS, my FIRST book ever, to be the face of What My Writing Is Like. My writing has improved SO MUCH in the last 8yrs, and so I just needed to update it if people were insistent on reading that one over everything else!

I love how it turned out, I fixed the plot holes, i made it just an overall richer story, and I think it just turned out great.

Also, I've been struggling to write AT ALL in the past like 4 months, because of mental health stuff, so I was just so so happy to be writing again AND to finish something!

[enchanted-wildflower]

100 days of productivity (37/100)

Thursday, 25th of January

I keep forgetting to take pictures while studying and to post in general. Today was good, I had my first therapy session in a year and a half and it went well. My therapist changed her prices and now has a student discount so it's a bit cheaper than in the past, which is great as well. I was also invited to a birthday party by someone from university which positively surprised me, cause I didn't think we were close enough yet. Aaand I had my first class of a subject which I had already taken 2 years ago, but didn't pass back then. Turns out the teacher changed and I already had this new teach in another class, so I know he is nice and what his level of expectations is. So yeah, overall a pretty good day :)

Yesterday my ex told me that he is now sure he never wants to get back together and I cried a lot AGAIN, but at least now i know it's definitely over. The last few months have been very confusing. It felt like we were breaking up during two whole months, cause it wasn't really clear if we would get back together or if it's definitely over.

Profuctivity:

Went to class (3h)

Did a task for uni (3h maybe)

Cooked

Cleaned the kitchen

Selfcare:

Read tarot

Had lots of tea

Tried a new hairstyle now that my hair is getting long enough

Had a nap

Went to therapy

[cryptidsurveys]

Monday, November 25th, 2024.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? If group chats count, then the last person to text me was Riley. If not, then the last person to text me was my dad.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? Animal shelter 8:00am-5:00pm.

Do you sleep on your stomach? Sometimes. It's like a last-ditch effort to get comfortable. I normally start off lying on my right side, then shift to my left, and finally my stomach. I can nap on my back, but for some reason I can't fall asleep that way at night. I just feel itchy and my neck gives me trouble.

Where are you going to be at 4pm tomorrow? Probably scooping litter boxes in cattery.

Last time you saw fireworks, with whom & where? At home and mostly by myself because my dad went to bed early. It was the 4th of July.

Are you missing someone? Eh.

Do you like horror or comedy? I tend to prefer horror.

Who did you last share a taxi with? I shared a taxi van while in an inpatient eating disorder group as a teen.

Dogs or cats? Cats.

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon? In the process of driving home or getting gas.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? No. Not unless something totally unexpected happens. Like, there's not even anyone on my radar, so someone new would have to pop up in my life AND be someone I wanted to pursue AND have an interest in me in return AND--

What’s your favorite season? A blend of autumn into winter. I absolutely love the snow, but I think I enjoy the overall feeling of autumn more.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? I'm often tripping up and giving in to a bit of gossip. I just can't completely eradicate that tendency / temptation.

Do you hate being alone? No.

Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you? My therapist knows a lot, but it's not anywhere close to everything. My mom also knows a lot about me, but again, there are huge gaps in her knowledge due to how long we were estranged.

What about a guy? My dad.

What color shirt are you wearing? I'm wearing a dark blue shirt and a black hoodie.

What are you listening to right now? The washing machine in the basement. Karenna purring. Light traffic.

If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first? Home repairs.

What was the last thing you bought? Gas.

What’s your greatest fear in life?

Who was the last person to see you cry? Maybe my mom? Idk. It was dark in the theater so who knows what she was able to see.

Who was the last person you hugged? My mom.

Do you think you would be a good parent? I probably wouldn't be the worst parent in the world, but I don't think I'd be a particularly good one either.

When was the last time you cried? Like a month and a half ago.

Who was driving the last time you were in a car? I was.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? My neck is a bit stiff and my eyes are tired.

Who was the last person that text you and what did it say?

What was the first thing you thought this morning? Wondered what time it was.

How many times do you talk on the phone a day on average? Zero.

Do you like your bed? Yes.

Do you like your life? Generally.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? 2014.

Do you ever wanna know who you are going to marry?

How much cash do you have on you? I don't have any directly on me.

Who are the 3rd and 7th texts in your phone from?

Are you tanned? No.

Are you upset with anyone? Not really / not actively.

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to court? No.

Do you get jealous easily? Yeah. I just try to remind myself why it's probably irrational and definitely unhelpful to feel that way.

How good is your eyesight? Not great.

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? No.

What time did you wake up this morning? Around 4:00am.

What are you doing Saturday? Half-day at the animal shelter.

What is in your back pocket? These pants don't have a back pocket.

What were you doing at 3am this morning? Sleeping.

What do you usually do first in the morning? Watch YouTube until I'm ready to actually get up.

What color is your room? The walls are white and peach and the carpet is teal.

Are you any good at math? No.

Any plans for Friday night? No.

What did you do last weekend? Animal shelter in the mornings, then "the usual" in the afternoons.

Do you have a little crush on someone? No.

How old is the last person you kissed? I think they'd be 36 or 37 now…?

Why did you last cry? Movie themes got to me good.

Why did you kiss the person you last kissed? I don't recall the exact reason for my last kiss.

What's their name?

How has this week been? It's been pretty nice.

[slowdripsunrise]

oop okay i havent updated this in longer than i thought lol. spoilers under the cut !

finally read the starless sea by erin morgenstern ! good lord beautiful writing, beautiful imagery, and the stories nestled in between the main plot were so entertaining, just as much as the main storyline. characters were sweet, i wasn't in love with the romance subplot but like. the setting, the books, OUHG. that's really what i was focused on so if other aspects lacked. i dont care tbh. entertaining and fun and just overall gorgeous. not what i was expecting but a pleasant surprise.

next i read godkiller by hannah kaner, also a pleasant surprise ! the world was fun and the characters were interesting, and i'm curious to read the sequel !!! not much else to say about it tbh it was a fun fantasy read and also the audiobook slayed.

next i read the centre by ayesha manazir siddiqi and oml went into this knowing it was about language and well yes. but it's also about a failgirl and her questionable decisions and well i do like that. it's not my favorite but like yeah. yeah i get it. i think sometimes for me when i read books about women that just suck i find it a bit too relatable and start to hate the book like. i start thinking about my failures and problems instead of the characters and then im not interested in the book anymore. especially if the failgirl in question has money. its like well just shut up. sorry thats rude people with money can be sad but also like thats a book character so i dont care shut up. anyway this book was also about language so i liked it !! and cannibalism which was also fun. i loved the conversations about translation as consumption and translation as violence. i'm thinking about becoming a linguistics major at my local college so like. much to think about and digest (lol) i think topics like this are really interesting. overall a fun read !!!

after that i read a teeny tiny little short story the only harmless great thing by brooke bolander and GOD it was so good. like damn the pov changes between the elephants and the humans and like the nuclear waste warning and the elephant's stories and just uhg. ouhg. definitely recommend as like a sad bittersweet aching story

finally, i most recently read everyone in this room will someday be dead by emily austin and well. i'm writing this as a time killer so i don't look like i've just been crying when i go out to register my car LOL. like the beginning didn't quite hook me but im so glad i stuck through because i was absolutely sobbing by the end of it. like full on ugly crying. the characters were all lovely and real even tho some of them were bigoted like barney ... i hope he lives well even if hes super homophobic the author made me feel for every character. and the mc at first i didn't love her because i couldn't quite grasp her reasoning behind some of her decisions or her situation, but once i got further in i really started to see myself in her. which okay going back to the last book like i know i said i didn't like books that are just about failgirls well this one was different...... idk it just hit me the right way. the way she cared so much for every single living being around her made me care for them too, flop the bunny, mittens the cat, grace and rosemary, jeff, etc. like. pretty much every time she cried in the book i was also crying. which is like a lot. i also okay and i haven't examined this fully with myself but i really saw myself in her in regards to her depression and anxiety (i know these are not her only issues but these are just the ones i relate to specifically) and i can't help but reflect on how some of her choices, i probably also would have made if i wasn't were i am today, or if i wasn't medicated, or seeing a therapist, and that i've come pretty far from where i started. which feels really fucking nice. anyways i would recommend reading this if u like sad stories about sad girls that find themselves in The Situationstm. also if you've taken your anxiety meds. bc i forgot and my heart was pounding along with the mcs the entire time almost to the point where i had to put it down lol.

[iratusmus]

Hii, I read that freakishly looong (but interesting) take on Fiona

Personally, I think the major problem for her in the comics was that she wasnt really of major importance to the writers. I think the writers thought of her as interesting at first then got bored of her and she was lost to the wind.

I think thats where the problem started.

Secondly, I think the freedom fighters were also at fault. I think they forgot that not everyone has the mental capacity to be a hero. Not exactly good person but I think they expected too much of Fiona. Im not saying this in a degrading way tho. I mean, she went through a lot and they expected her to be healed already, they expected her to suddenly see them as heroes and want to be good. They forgot that not everyone has that inclination. They expected too much and I think that also got her overwhelmed.

Im not sure if this makes sense but yeah this is my take on it.

its pretty clear that bollers and penders didnt have much investment in her character at all, but also that that point she was really just a tangentially relevant side character. like i said in my post, frankly before ian gave her a corruption arc she didnt really have much to offer in the first place. you cant really fault the writers all that much because she wasnt really meant to be of major importance. when ian took the helm as main writer he clearly thought she had potential as a character and utilized that through the corruption arc. she wasnt "lost to the wind", she just became a villain and, as such, didnt need to be on the main screen all the time. archie sonic has a lot of villains and it would be honestly a bit annoying if we spent all of our time with just a handful of them - theyre great characters and should be used accordingly! yeah she took a bit of a backseat in the "scourge+fiona+ss go to mobius and get whacked for it" arc, but like. come on they were clearly setting something up here

she comes back in journey to the east and is pulling together her own gang there, and then comes back in full swing in scourge lockdown, in which they were. also. clearly setting something up

the plan according to ian is i believe that scourge & fiona were gonna have an epic breakup and she'd take the destructix in the divorce, which tracks plenty enough with the setup that was being put in place.

also, honestly im gonna have to partially disagree with you on the second point. its a complicated situation and i think youre simplifying it a bit too much. fiona willingly chose to "become a hero" - its not like they made her. she literally couldve left at any point in time to just be a normal civilian (which is... literally what mina did. nobody had an issue with it, even though mina's superspeed wouldve been a massive aid in battle. she wasnt equipped to be a hero in that way because, like you said, that kind of life really isnt for everybody).

also, the freedom fighters frankly cant be everybody's personal therapist - theyve all got so much baggage themselves and they cant even address that because theyre all in the middle of a war 😭 i dont think its that they expected too much of her - id say its much more in the direction of that they didnt even really consider what she went through or how it wouldve affected her in the first place. its less that she got overwhelmed and more that she was functionally an outsider who had no support system and no friends to stick up for her or try to really make her feel like she was one of the team - not out of malice or anything, but just because nobody really ever thought about it in the first place.

overall its just a really messy situation and while fiona made the bad choices that she did of her own volition, there were real reasons behind why she made those decisions in the first place