#but yeah like. one of my first really unpleasant interactions on tumblr was someone in the dms like I JUST NEED YOU TO AGREE WITH ME
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I think the two saddest phenomena specific to experiencing something in the context of a fandom rather than just generally are 1. finding yourself unable to enjoy something to its fullest unless the fandom agrees with you that it's the best and 2. hating things you'd otherwise like because someone you dislike likes them. Unfortunately, poor media literacy, weird projections onto the narrative, and just failing to get it exist whether or not you're in fandom, but I think finding yourself unable to like something you'd otherwise enjoy simply because of the opinions of other people is just deeply tragic and something I strive to avoid.
#i also must admit personally i find a desperation for strangers' approval extremely off-putting and always have#like. i do not think i'm immune to conspiratorial thinking HOWEVER i'm at least resistant to like. love-bombing. bc it freaks me out#but yeah like. one of my first really unpleasant interactions on tumblr was someone in the dms like I JUST NEED YOU TO AGREE WITH ME#and i was like. i cannot and i will not and i don't understand why you need this and it's giving me the ick.#like. if a game or a character or a ship is good enough wouldn't my opinion as a random stranger not matter?#anyway i think about this whenever people get weird about d&d
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iâm watching supernatural for the first time. iâm on season 3 right now, but iâm not that excited for castiel that comes in season 4, just mainly because misha collins gives me the ick. like calling the CW homophobic because dean and castiel didnât get together is already weird because like why is he so hung up about it?? i know it has a lot to do with his fan base, but normal actors donât really interact with their fans like that, like why is he leading them on for a show that ended four years ago?! also i know heâs probably done a lot of bad things but saying the f-slur when he had to clarify heâs straight is wrong. also him saying the slur in the context of gay people needing to reclaim it was so bizarre to me, like dude stop saying it?! he just gives me the ick big time with all that.
also sorry this was so long.
No need to apologize, dear one! I love getting asks or talking so fear not.
Iâm excited the hear about you starting Supernatural! I loved the first three seasons. My sister and I started watching it back in the fall of 2012 when I was a senior in high school. It was so exciting and we couldnât wait to watch as many episodes after school as we could. Anyway, the magic wore off after we got all caught up and were able to watch season 9 as it aired and I became more involved in the fandom side on tumblr⌠destiel was EVERYWHERE and as someone who was realizing they were a wincest shipper⌠that made it all that much worse.
Luckily, I have found that the Destiel screechy circle are but a VERY small minority. Thank GOD⌠but oh are they loud. That ties in to Misha of course. You know the signs they have in places that say stuff like âdonât feed the animals.â? Yeah, those are for people like himself who insist on baiting and egging on these mentally unwell people into believing, and filling his pockets, because it saves him the trouble of having to get a job or actually work on making changes himself.
So, the whole balls deep thing? Real bold of him to say at a convention where Jensen wasnât present when Jensen himself, numerous times, has mentioned he does not like Destiel. Also bold of Misha seeing as heâs unemployed and the CW was the place that gave him his longest running job⌠thatâs also called defamation and if I were the CW I would send a cease and desist letter. Heâs emboldened by these people who worship the ground he walks on because they fetishize one gay ship. He takes them for the rubes they are and milks money from them by just regurgitating the same shit they pass around to each other in their little bubbles. Iâm sure youâve come across them⌠so I wonât even mention some of their names here as I donât have the time or patience to deal with their lot.
Yes, bold of a man to use the word âf-gâ when he had to walk back coming out as bisexual and come out as straight. Heâs learned nothing. Heâs also just gross, crass, and all around an unpleasant person. He knows this is his only way to stay relevant and so heâs going to milk it until itâs dry.
Fear not you are NOT the only one who canât stand him or Castiel. Luckily, regardless of what the hellers say, he doesnât add much to the story and his âarcsâ can be completely ignored and it doesnât take away from the story any.
Thanks for the ask! I hope youâll send more as you continue watching the show!
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So, I've been wanting to say this for a while now xD (read: months and months).
You may (or may not) have wondered why someone (me lol) has been interacting with you so much on Tumblr all of a sudden, but there's a reason for it.
I've been a long time reader of all the work you've written, but you've never seen me in your AO3 comment section. I also never turned up in your dash here. It's been almost two years that I've been going through crippling depression and the usual other shitty things life throws at us for fun - and I had no energy or will to reopen any of my social media, nor login into my AO3 acc. I love nights but some were so dark and scary that I had severe bouts of insomnia. What did keep me sane however, was your writing. The first work I read was "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and I still remember how much comfort it brought me. Even your crack fics, you meant for them to be crack but I was restless to read them every night after awful days. More recently ofc, BW, ah god, I have so much to say, but that's for the comment section ofc.
In short, thank you so much for all your hard work and serious effort. For me when I look back on the last 1.5 years, I think of lots of unpleasant things but also, the good things and one of them is definitely your AO3 treasure trove. A light at the end of the tunnel for me. A warm blanket that tells me things will be okay. Always will be.
So thank you once again. Everything you've written (and continue to do so) brings me so much happiness and inspiration. Things are so much better for me these days and a big part of why I began to write again is because of you. I'm just waiting for my free time so I can spam you on AO3 haha xD So happy to see you on my dash too!
(ah none of this is sensitive or private info btw haha xD Feel free to post publicly. Everyone should know how beautiful your writing is!)
I've read this message like, half a dozen times already and I still don't know what so say. I know our time on Tumblr is relatively short, but it's always nice to see you on my dashboard, especially after reading your aruani fics and I'm honored to know that I inspired you to write
I'm sorry to hear about the hardships you were going through. Times like that feel like they could go on forever and that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. As much as I'd like to say "it be like that sometimes" I genuinely understand since both reading and writing fanfiction for the past 8ish years has been really healing for me, and I'm glad my work was of help for you. Especially with how feel about night, it can be the most devastating when something that we loved turns against us and becomes a place of fear and anxiety
On a more specific note, learning that "I'm begging for you to take my hand" meant so much to you is kind of making me reconsider and view it in a new light. It was my least favorite and everytime I'd get a Kudos on it and I'd internally scream 'nooooo not this one!! go to my other stuff!!' But yeah, it's already being elevated in my brains as I type this
I think in online fandoms we stress so much that fanfic is 100% self indulgent and that we write only for ourselves but choose to share with other. and while I wholly agree with that viewpoint, but I also think writing (which includes fanfic) is also meant to move others and elicit emotions in them, and I'm truly happy I could provide the same joy and comfort your fics provided for me
I look forward to reading your future works for as long as you're happy to create them and I'm honored to learn that you're anticipating more of mine <3
I promise I'll get around to updating BW soon!!
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5 + 12
5. Is there a muse you really want to try? if yes: whatâs stopping you?
Pascal from Felidae (movie) the first muse I have actually written on Tumblr 13 (?) years ago. Back at the time, my muses were not as fleshed out as they are now and I usually wrote only one liners and rarely went deep into thoughts like I love to do now. I think with how much my writing has improved, I would like to see how different he is from now.
The problem is that I know Pascal will be mentally draining to write because he deals with themes similar to Snitter (which is also why I donât use Snitter that much anymore) and has even other themes thatâs off putting and itâs not exactly something I want here on my mulltimuse, nor exactly want to explore.
On top of that, the author of Felidae is a racist, homophobic, sexist scumbag and a generally unpleasant person. His behavior is actually so bad that nobody even sells his books anymore from what Iâve seen - people seem to be just tired of him. I did follow his facebook for a while back in the days when I had it and the stuff he posts is just no. He also had to go to court a few times for insulting people on Facebook apparently? One of these even happened recently. Guy literally has nothing better to do. Iâve recently reread the Felidae book series mainly to check how much he had actually been putting a lot of himself into his writing and yep, it really shows in the books. I always thought Francis, the main character was weird when it came to the female cats when I was a kid but just now I realized how much sexism there actually was. So yeah, itâs kinda off putting when you realize the author of something that you used to enjoy is actually one of the biggest scumbags in the country. He makes me sick.
12. What roleplay trends do you remember from the year you started tumblr rp? How did you feel about those trends?
Oh wow, that is such a long time ago and I donât think there were much trends compared to now? I do know that people had this thing in going when someone followed them, they posted a screenshot of it and just gave a random starter. I think it was funny and showed how open people were to interact with others, compared to now.
I wouldnât want to go back to that though, especially since plotting or interacting through memes is so much easier for me.
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also the guy is cool too lol i'll miss him too and i really don't wish to think about him and have him come up in my brain randomly because i don't think about the other people that i have come across here. but yes, a bond was created, and yes, he was/is fun to talk to. i think he likes me but i dunno, im not interested. lol i wish i could be, but the attraction isn't there. i hope i don't end up thinking about every guy i interact with and think, what if? i've thought about rlly ugly people before and it's just because i was desperate. i had sex with a guy at the crisis bed when i came here at another point. and hated it because i didn't want to do it in the first place and he kept pestering me the rest of the time to do it again. no dude. sex is intimate to me, it wasn't for me because of how i just thought i didn't want to be there the whole time. i need romance. yes, he was cute but not my type and i immediately got an std test that i cleared. i just want to be less passive when it comes to someone that comes on to me that i don't really internally approve of but on the outside i seem fine about them. nope. i'm pretty judgmental unless i am extremely into you, then i'd probably worship you lol. yeah, i guess i need a someone dominant that isn't into bdsm but just is protective and is daddy like but i love skinny malnourished fuckers too that are just like... more so free spirits but they're unreliable and i can't depend on them. i want someone organized that likes to fix people up and not abandon them when they're done turning them into their best selves. i want a long term partner. i don't know about getting married as that sorta feels like a contract that can make you inwardly miserable and eventually outwardly as it holds over your head that, hey, you have to dedicate yourself to this person for the rest of you life. but i hope people my own age, which is my preference when it comes to dating, are interested in commitment and settling down out of knowing that the pool is getting smaller and everyone you know is married and has kids. i want a forever boyfriend though that has an endless infatuation for me and spoils me to the point where i don't want gifts anymore and i love him to bits as he is the true gift in himself and his company alone is what i need. but right now i am not meeting anyone new that'd i'd be interested in. i'm just on my own right now and i'm grateful i'm not going to a shelter or on the streets again. i've come a long way and i know i just am affection starved right now. the focus is always sex, i want love and i'm not going to do that until you basically tell me you're in love with me and mean it. yes, i want to wait until that point now. i want to know them in and out before i even let them touch me intimately and i'm sick of hanging out with guys that try on the first day of trying to get to know them. sigh, i keep thinking about this one guy and how i wish i kissed him when i had the chance to have a good memory to think about when it comes to him. i know he treated me with respect when i was hanging out with him, i miss him but i don't even know him anymore and i know there is no attachment on his part towards me. i know if i find someone new that i fall for and it's mutual, i would heal a lot. you never know who exactly your heart will connect to, it could be completely random. i want it to be natural. i want a long term love. i'm going to probably write about it everyday. i need to stop complaining about it on facebook and leave it for tumblr because i don't want to lose any friends from annoying them. here i can write more and express myself, even if it's not the best writing and i'm not putting thought in to it, it's just free flow. i can write, i'm just doing a different style right now and being more so myself in person, which is someone that holds empathy and has consideration for others and tries to be polite towards everyone unless i have a psychotic break. then i am unpleasant and i hope i can find someone that knows how to settle me down like a trained professional. lmfao yeh
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thinking (yet again!) about the differences between the bad batch story reels and the season seven arc and like... some changes just blow my mind because all it did, really, was make the bad batch less likable. Â
lets star with the whole âregâ thing. if i remember correctly, in the originals âregsâ is said twice. the first instance is by crosshair when taunting jesse in the LAAT. the second is said by hunter: he tells tech (whoâs hacking into the cyber center) that he and wrecker are going to âgo get the regsâ (i.e. rex and jesse). that is, hunter only used it among his squad when the others were not present (much like how cody informs that the bad batch are defective clones out of earshot. these words are descriptors, but thereâs also an offense associated to being referred to by them). the idea that hunter has restraint referring to regular clones this way in their faces connects, i think, to how hunter was a tad more apologetic to jesse in the original script. âhe means regular clones. donât take it personal. itâs just that we donât always follow protocolâ carried an actual sense of hunter trying to convince jesse that itâs nothing to do with him. Â
itâs interesting, i think, that in a context where you have clones and defective clones, that the bad batch (as defective clones) would find a way to talk about other clones in reference to themselves in a way that normalizes their own existence. it also introduces the idea that the bad batch experience a level of disconnect, and even animosity, in regards to other clones. all that can be conveyed by only using the word twice. the season seven episodes added three more instances, and in all of them the bad batch members comfortably throw the word around the clones who âare regs.â the sense of separateness (which, again, was already established/achieved by using it just two times) is only made stronger (thus more needs to be done to portray a sense of reconciliation or coming together. the reels succeed this to an extent because that barrier wasnât built up as high).Â
so yeah in the original... wrecker didnât say âwe always get shot down when we travel with regs,â he kept quiet as he helped people out of the wrecked gunship (in fact, wrecker lost a lot of subtlety going from the reels to the final eps, which iâll get back to). hunter didnât fake-compliment rex with a ânot bad, for a regâ! and oh boy crosshairâs comment implying that echo is worthless and expendable because heâs a âregâ... yeah that was not in the reels either. in fact, not only does crosshair not call echo a reg, the meaning of his original dialogue was completely different.
in the original, after hunter voices his suspicions echo might be dead, crosshair suggests that if alive echo could be cooperating with the enemy, making him a traitor. rex takes this as an attack on echoâs character and crosshair explains that no, heâs not intending to insult echo, by saying: âoh i donât blame him, if i were left for dead, i wouldnât be so loyal.â and like!!!!! thatâs such a radically different line of dialogue because crosshair seems to blame rex for having left echo behind, actually. if you betrayed the republic to survive, or even out of spite, i donât blame you even if you now present a threat to myself and my family, is such an interesting, empathetic sentiment. and that contrasts with the lack of regard given to rex, making it read like heâs condemning rex for leaving someone behind. crosshair doesnât seem to understand, as an experimental commando clone, the pressures rex as a legion captain is under, because heâs seen a less expandable (theyâre a specially trained four man team, if one dies thatâs 25% of the unit gone. is there a replacement for that member? you get the idea). so youâve got a clash between different povs, but also crosshair being shown as having a set of morals, chief among them being that you do not leave anyone behind. so remember when rex says to move out and crosshair goes âcommander cody is in no position to moveâ yeah iâd say thatâs crosshair making sure cody isnât being left behind. when crosshair saves anakin? thatâs because he saw anakin go off on his own and followed him. because you donât leave people behind. and like... the idea that yeah crosshair is an asshole. heâs unpleasant and thatâs deliberate. he doesnât care if people like him and heâs not trying to be liked. but that he values the lives of other people and looks out for them? that makes an interesting, flawed and multifaceted character. that got lost in the dialogue change because its no longer suggested that crosshair holds these values.
as for what i said earlier about wrecker: he lost subtle, nonverbal moments through the addition of lines that are either anticlimactic or only serve to make him seem loud or ditzy in an exaggerated fashion. he didnât laugh when the LAAT came down. he was quiet as he helped people out of the downed gunship (no comment about regs!). he didnât say âboomâ when the ship exploded in the background after he flipped it over (the difference? a character moment thatâs actually cool and impressive vs something thatâs corny). when wrecker comes to crosshairâs aid by picking rex off of him, there was no quippy one liner. there was no need for anything to be said for it to be understood that wrecker is acting as a barrier and it trying to intimidate rex. when heâs afraid to get onto the elevator? thatâs conveyed visually through camera angles and through hunter picking up on the fact that heâs scared. he doesnât scream (if you can call a comical âaah what is that thing oh no its going to get meâ a scream) when the organic decimator almost gets him. when they walk across the pipe? wrecker doesnât whimper or talk to himself for comfort. he is scared of heights, thatâs already been established, but heâs also a grown man and a soldier like heâs keeping that to himself? like we see wrecker hesitating to walk on the ledge but doing it anyway because he has to. in a piece of dialogue that was cut, tech said âdoes anyone want to know the odds of us making it across alive?â to which wrecker (whoâs you know already having a bad time) interrupts with âdonât even think about it, techâ (if ur curious, this exchange was replaced with: wrecker: âkeep walking tech!â tech: âthatâs fine, but if you fall donât take me with youâ which???? uuh weird exchange). also, the fact that wrecker was mostly dealing with his fear silently means that when hunter tells wrecker to hold on because theyâre almost there... thatâs because hunter knows heâs scared and is checking up on him. basically... any kind of serious moment was cheapened by having wrecker talk in them. now i donât want to say that DBB is a bad voice actor, but his expertise is making animal noises. heâs not able to do a realistic, deep voice, meaning that whenever wrecker talks he kind of sounds like a joke. itâs fine when wrecker is actual being lighthearted and jokey, but otherwise? the emotion just does not come across as genuine, which breaks the stakes or weakens credibility. Â
and god the whole plot point about the bad batch being suspicious of echo was nonexistent in the reels. the âdonât worry, echo says heâs got a planâ/âthat makes me feel so much betterâ exchange between rex and tech is in the original, but techâs sarcasm isnât from doubting echoâs allegiance, itâs because theyâre planning to land on admiral trenchâs ship and echo having a plan (that he himself doesnât know) doesnât exactly soothe his anxieties. rex acts like techâs being a big joker and playfully shoves him, telling him to get on board. which is an interesting interaction because these characters are kind of starting to bond?? as for tech and echo, they kinda become nerdy friends really quick. like when tech warns echo not to send the signal right away because he first needs to make it look like itâs coming from skako minor, echoâs like âoh yeah good thinking tech.â and when echo figures out a way to shut down all the droids at once tech is impressed and lightly shoves his shoulder. again there is none of that âoooh maybe echoâs a traitor maybe heâs with the techno unionâ shit. like i understand that the writers wanted to up the stakes but it falls flat because the idea of echo being a traitor isnât credible. it does not seem like an actual risk or possibility. so all it did was make the bad batch seem like assholes, cutting away at some very nice character moments. Â
ok this is a long post and you might ask yourself âbut tumblr user rishi-eel, why do you care so much about the story reels, this stuff isnât canon nowâ and there are a couple reasons, first, i think it managed to tell a better story overall. so the question is: why is that? because you would expect that writers reworking the plot would add improvements and not downgrades. and to be fair, the s7 episodes had a bunch of upgrades, but not when it came to the characterization of the bad batch. another thing to consider is that changes were made in the context of setting the bad batch up as future protagonists of their own spinoff series (something the original arc was not intended to do because there were no plans for a bad batch series). were the characters made flatter and more archetypal to add to marketability? was the reg/defective clone rivalry (and dichotomy, even) amplified because this separateness serves a narrative in which the bad batch are heroes and the other clones villains? Â
#long post#clone force 99#the bad batch#it's late and i haven't proof read so there might be typos and stuff but. here are my thoughts#rishi-outposts.txt
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I have self diagnosed adhd and i was wondering if you could provide some advice regarding reading. I used to be able to just pick up a book and read when i was younger, but now that I'm older it's a bit difficult to just pick up a book and read for the sake of reading. I love reading, but i just can't seem to motivate myself to.
Any advice? I'd really love to get back into reading, but I'm trying to find a way to do it easier
Hello! Iâm sorry this took me so long to answer, Iâve been mostly off Tumblr for a little while. I saw this some time ago at 3AM and thought âthis deserves a more coherent response than I can give right nowâ and then forgot that this blog existed for several days.
That said, I absolutely have some advice for reading! I was a big reader as a kid, too, and Iâve recently had to re-discover reading after a long gap in any time spent sitting down with an honest-to-goodness book. There are a number of things you might consider!
DISTRACTIONS
First and foremost, recognize the reason it is difficult to read! For me, it is because reading isnât the most interesting thing available. That doesnât mean I donât love reading! If I can manage to sit down and read a book, it is immensely satisfying - but itâs the satisfaction of the effort you put into something paying off. My favorite hobbies - drawing, writing, reading - are my favorite because of that sense of accomplishment that they give me.Â
I love the feeling of holding a book and watching my bookmark move through the pages each time I set it down. However, it doesnât give me the same instant gratification of reading wikipedia, or tvtropes, or scrolling Tumblr, or checking notifications on social media; even when I am unsatisfied, or even frustrated, with the internet, it can be very hard to put down. I know that people will tell you all the time âYou need to put your phone down more!!â It gets old. But they have a point. What people donât tell you is how to do that.Â
For me, that tends to be about making it inconvenient for myself to get online, or do whatever is distracting me. This doesnât necessarily mean making it completely unavailable. The distraction just needs to be less available than the task I want to do. I am the kind of person who gets online out of muscle memory, and then gets stuck there. Thus, many of my tricks rely on disrupting the muscle memory that lets you pick up distractions. I will put my laptop charger in another room, so that my screen time is limited to its battery life. I might tie a string around my laptop, or tape it closed, so when I go to open it I will be reminded âOh yeah, I donât want to do this right now.â I will occasionally rearrange the apps on my phone, so when I try to open Instagram and end up with the weather app instead, the thought of âwait, how did i get hereâ will snap me out of the thoughtless habits that led me to pick up my phone in the first place. Iâve even gone so far as to tape my phone to the ceiling. Whatever works.
If the weather permits, I might also walk a little ways down the block and find somewhere to sit and read. This can come with its own distractions, but it gets me away from my laptop, and I get a tiny bit more exercise and sunshine than I would have otherwise! This depends, of course, on whether you have transportation and whether you feel safe. But getting yourself out of the house can be a great way to get away from the things that would otherwise draw you away from reading. If you have a local cafe or library that permits you to sit and stay, those are also great options! I will bring my phone when I leave the house, but I might put it at the bottom of my bag, or put a bit of scotch tape over the power button, so that I have my phone in case of emergency but itâs just slightly inconvenient to get to without thinking about it.
It may not be the internet distracting you. But whatever the distraction is, it doesnât need to be less compelling than reading. It just needs to be less readily available than your book is!
ENTHUSIASM
Another thing that prevents me from reading is that it often doesnât have the same sense of urgency that other tasks might, whether that urgency is real or not. Give yourself a time limit! I may own books I havenât read yet, but I will get to a book sooner if I have borrowed it from the library, because I know there is a deadline to return it!Â
You can also get other people involved. If you have a friend who wants to read the same book, commit to a chapter or two a week and then call to discuss it.Â
Or, if you have a friend who would be interested, and you are comfortable with your reading voice, you could read to someone! It might feel weird to offer, but youâd be surprised how many people really do enjoy being read to. If you both have time in your schedules, you could try to set up a regular call to get through a few chapters at a time.Â
Generally, having a friend who likes the book is great for maintaining enthusiasm, even if theyâre not reading it with you - I get to books faster if someone with similar taste says âThis is one of my favorites! You would love it!â If you have a friend who has read the book you plan on reading, announce to them that you intend on reading it. Their enthusiasm might help you feel more compelled to read it, and thereâs a good chance that if you donât sit down and read it, they will remind you by asking âHave you read it yet? What do you think?â the next time you talk to them.
PREPARATION
Another great way to make reading easier is to set up a reading space beforehand. Itâs one thing to pick up a book and say âIâve been meaning to read this.â Itâs another thing to put on some pajama pants, make a cup of tea, and curl a soft blanket around your shoulders before you settle down to read. For one thing, itâs just nice. But more importantly, it can function as a signal that tells your brain âit is Reading Time now. We are in the Reading Zone.â
Do you ever watch a TV show or listen to a podcast, and you let the theme song play on the first episode, and then skip it for the rest? Even if Iâve watched a show before, I will play the theme song on the first episode I watch that day. Itâs the same principle - it serves as a transition, an intro that says âthis is where I am now, and this is what Iâm doing.â Give yourself an intro for reading! Have a certain spot that you like to sit when you read. Have a certain snack you eat beforehand.
I have all kinds of tasks with little âritualsâ before them that help me focus on that task, or certain items that I interact with which I associate with it. I call them âdeclarations of intent,â and once Iâve made a declaration itâs easier to commit to it. Sometimes that means simply saying out loud, âI am going to do the laundry now.â Sometimes it means I wear a certain shirt if Iâm planning to go for a walk that day, or drink from a certain mug at breakfast if I want to get some homework done. I have a specific hat that I put on when I want to write a certain character. Try to find something you can do to act as a cue that says âWhen I do this, then I will read a book.â Because of this, it can help to really lean into whatever the âaestheticâ of reading is, in your mind. Embrace a reading atmosphere!
It may also help to recognize that reading is something you can work your way up to! There is no shame in being out of practice with a hobby. I took my reading proficiency for granted for a long time because it was just a part of my life. It may help to think of reading as a skill! Start with something smaller and work your way up. Pick up a book of short stories or folktales before you tackle that six-book series youâve heard good things about! Set achievable goals for yourself when youâre setting out. An early success can make a huge difference to morale, and itâs much better to start âtoo easyâ and accomplish something than to jump in at the deep end and be frustrated by an early setback.
FORGIVENESS
On the topic of working your way up to things, I would like to say a word about mindset. It is easy to feel self-critical about things. Things that you think should come more easily to you. Things that you feel like you have no reason not to be able to do. One of the biggest things Iâve done for my ADHD is recognizing that there is always a reason why I behave a certain way. Accepting that allows me to actually address my struggles, rather than just feeling ashamed of them. Iâve had to accept that I wonât always do things that I set out to do the way I set out to do them.
I bring this up because not all of my advice here may work for you. In fact, some of it doesnât work for me every time - a technique may work once, but I might fail to make a regular habit of it. I may make a regular habit of something, only to have it become less effective as the novelty of it, or my enthusiasm for it, wears off. I may eventually talk myself out of implementing an effective strategy because there is some part of it that I find unpleasant; or an intentional unpleasantness I once found motivating may eventually become intolerable.
Thatâs okay. Iâm telling you now, itâs okay if that happens. Itâs okay if the first method you try doesnât work. Donât set yourself up to feel frustrated. If you become frustrated, take a step back. If you borrow a library book and you still havenât read it by the due date, just give it back. If you donât actually enjoy the first book you pick up, put it down and try a different one. If you feel badly about not reading something your friend wants you to read, be honest and tell them you have a hard time sitting down, and that you donât want to disappoint them if they keep asking, but that you will let them know once you have started it!
It can be easy to convince myself that feeling badly about something means itâs important to me, and that maybe if I feel bad about not doing something, it motivate me to do it. There is a balance between making commitments, and not committing to anything that is just going to distress me. Sometimes there is a benefit to a sense of pressure, but I have to recognize when the pressure I create turns into frustration. Thatâs a fine line to walk! For all I speak of inconveniencing yourself, or holding yourself accountable, your strategies should ultimately feel satisfying, and show results fairly quickly! You may not see immediate results, but if it has been several days and your strategy isnât working out, change tactics! And the moment you feel apologetic or ashamed about the thing you are trying to do, drop that strategy. Again, this can be easier said than done, but it is so worthwhile to learn how to allow yourself to âgive upâ on things that arenât actually helping you, without feeling like youâre giving up entirely.
You want to get back into reading again because you want to enjoy reading again. If you set it up to feel like homework, or a chore, or an obligation, you may make it more difficult for yourself! Getting back into reading is about focusing on what you love about reading.
And hey, Iâm always happy to help! I do only check Tumblr every couple weeks right now, but Iâll do what I can to be supportive. If youâve tried these suggestions and they donât work out, no worries! Everyone is different, and itâs no insult to me if things that work for me donât work for you. But feel free to reach out again, let me know anything you have learned about how you function best in the meantime, and we can reevaluate your strategies!
I hope that helps! Happy reading!
#thanks for asking!!#nezjazz#let me know how this works out#a lot of the advice i have for reading is advice i have for Doing Tasks With ADHD in general to be honest#i use the same tricks i use to get myself to read sometimes to get myself to do things like wash dishes#it's about making yourself more interested in what you want yourself to do#and making it easier to do the important things relative to the ease of doing the less important things#i will just straight up delete apps off my phone if i spend too much time on them#most of the time i dont miss them#and tumblr i can access from my laptop it's just slightly more steps to actually log in and type in my password#(i ONLY use tumblr on incognito mode so it doesnt save my login and i have to actually enter my password every time)#(that way i know that if i actually take the steps to log on it's because i WANT to)#(because something about doing that is worth it to me)#(i did that today to come and answer this question lol)#(but that's also why it's taken me so long.)#(do let me know if you have any other questions! i'll be back eventually to help as best i can!)#(and i love feedback)#(if you discover something that works better for yourself let me know that too so i can share with everyone!)
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Winter 2013 - The Beginning of the End and Diannaâs Private Tumblr
January 4, 2013 - Haylor Breakup
Taylor and Harry publicly split and leave us with this iconic picture:
January 10, 2013 - Peopleâs Choice Awards
Haylor is done, Harry is back in the UK, but Taylor shows up with a hickey anyway. (Dianna is in LA at this time.)
Some time this month Taylor writes How You Get The Girl which is about obviously someone who comes back to get the girl. She references âstanding in the rainâ and âa long six months.â Itâs hard to know if these details are more âfanficâ or actual autobiographical details.
This six months may actually refer to the end of bearding for a while (because it seems like Swiftgron did reunite in Paris in early October.)Â Exactly six months after Taylor started dating Conor Kennedy would be January 25th, 2013.
As for the rain...
It rained twice in LA this month according to weather reports on the 21st and on the 23rd:
Dianna is in LA at this point and has started a private Tumblr blog under the name whosirmesir (we verified it was hers over on @swiftgron-get-married - and you can click here for more on that if youâre curious and actually I did an entire podcast episode walking people through it if youâre like like to listen to an in depth breakdown of it click here for apple OR click here for spotify OR click here for google. Â
I also recommend searching the whosirmesir tag on @swiftgron-get-marriedâ because weâve logged a lot of interesting moments and connections to Taylor (quotes, art, and other items that tie DIanna and Taylor together.)
On the private tumblr on January 25th Dianna reblogs this:
It reads âi think weâre just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that...â
This is also the time period it is rumored that Dianna proposed to Taylor. Iâm not sure what to make of these rumors. I have not been able to get anywhere near confirming them. Itâs entirely unsubstantiated - but I explored the rumor further in this blog post (click for link.) And also on the podcast (will link just a bit down in this post because it relates to something else weâre about to discuss.)
February 4, 2013 - Dianna recommends âFar Nearerâ by Jaime on twitter:
The lyrics are essentially:
âI feel better when I, you feel better when I I feel better when I have you near me
You Me You I do, I do, I doâ
repeated over and over again
February 9, 2013 - Neruda quote on Tumblr from Dianna
Dianna posts a quote to Tumblr. The translation is, âI love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.â
Itâs worth noting that Taylor namechecked Neruda in the Red album booklet.
February 10, 2013 - The Grammys
Dianna wants to make sure everyone is watching:
And Taylor posts:
âLook what happened! :)â
She won for Safe and Sound:
And she performs her circus themed rendition of WANEGBT (where she mocks Harry Styles on stage making fun of his accent when she sings the âso he calls me up on the phoneâ part of the song even though this song was written before she was even with him.)
The only other time Dianna tweeted about the Grammys was when Glee was involved the year before.
February 14, 2013 - Achele breakfast and The Inside Source at Glee Tweet
According to a Facebook user Cory, Dianna, and Lea have breakfast this morning (or around this time):
Later that day Taylor posts the infamous tweet:
The Glee Episode âI Doâ airs and there is no Taylor song included. However Dianna and Nayaâs characters hook up:
After the episode airs Taylor deletes her tweet.
As always Iâm not entirely sure what to make of this but to me it boils down to three possibilities:
1. The fandom seems to think this proves that Dianna purposefully tricked Taylor into watching her âhook upâ with Naya on screen. Itâs completely possible that thatâs the case but I think the next two options make a bit more sense.
2. It was a simple misunderstanding or a joke gone wrong. Taylor had a song earlier on that season of glee (Mine sung as a breakup song by Naya) and I have been told another song of Taylorâs was marketed for another glee episode later that spring. Perhaps someone got their wires crossed and misinformed Taylor. Â
3. Other nefarious parties: Â
a. Itâs possible that Lea was behind this - she publicly had beef with Taylor at one point and she had been with Dianna that morning. Maybe she met up with DIanna, heard about Swiftgron being happy and back together and got a little jealous and decided to prank Taylor. Â
b. Ryan Murphy also seemed to despise both Dianna and Taylor around this time. He was also famous for stirring up drama with Gleeks on twitter and generally sewing discontent (particularly surrounding wlw ships and fans). Ryan seems to have a problem with women/lesbians in general. He treated Brittana as a couple horribly on Glee as well as their shippers.
He very publicly shaded Taylor in season one of Scream Queens and said in an interview that Dianna ruined Quinn for him because he said she made her sympathetic.Â
Not only that but in season 3 he destroyed her character - he made her have a mental breakdown - he had her try and steal a baby - he had her get hit by a car - and a huge plotline in season 3 was Quinn begging Rachel (Leaâs character so Diannaâs irl ex) not to marry Finn (played by Cory - literally the guy Lea chose Dianna over - this is like...emotionally abusive if you ask me.) After season 3 Dianna only appeared in 8 episodes of the remaining 55 after being in every episode and the top third billed of the cast in the first three seasons.
Furthermore in a show called The New Normal there was a bitchy actress character named Brynn who he wrote as high maintenance and unpleasant and then killed off.
So yeah...seems fair to at least consider that Ryan or Lea who publicly had problems with both Taylor and Dianna may have been trying to create problems for Swiftgron. One last note about Lea - there was not a single Achele interaction for the entire year of 2013. The most we got was Dianna liking a tweet about Leaâs album in December 2013 and when asked about one another in interviews they would vaguely say they were still friends. No tweets to one another, no birthday messages, no candids, no hang outs. Leaâs book was also written around this time and does not make a single mention of Dianna - her former roommate and âbest friendâ even though she spends plenty of time talking about others on the Glee cast.
I did a podcast episode on both the proposal rumors and the inside source at Glee tweet if you want more extensive takes on that!
While Iâm not entirely sure Dianna had anything to do with this tweet Taylor references this date (2-14-13) by putting it on a dollar bill as a serial number in The Man music video:
At any rate Taylor deletes the tweet and replaces it with one about her dancers:
Dianna tweets 9 hearts that day (I donât know if thatâs significant but if they were together from March 2012 to July 2012 and then October 2012 to this point it would mean 9 months together...)
February 19, 2013 - Sad Charlie Brown Tumblr post from Dianna:
February 27, 2013 - Fitzgerald quote
Taylor listed this as a quote to live by in an interview with Marie Claire a few months later.
Iâm not sure if itâs important but Dianna is very quiet this winter and spring in terms of showing up at events, parties, even being papped out on the street compared to other years around this time. She seems to disappear a bit.
February 27, 2013 - Taylor gives a bday shoutout to her Fiddle player Caitlin:
âHappy Birthday to my magical friend, fiddle extraordinaire @/caitlinbirdâÂ
March 12, 2013 - Weird tweets from Dianna âOne of those days.â
March 13, 2013 - Itâs the first day of the Red tour (is that why Dianna had questions?)
About the Red Tour - the last act of the tour seems to be circus themed which may have been inspired by Diannaâs 26th birthday the previous year and really interestingly Taylor has a white rabbit, which is a reference to Alice in Wonderland (Diannaâs favorite piece of media ever) follows Taylor around stage during the WANEGBT performance as sheâs dressed up like a circus ringleader:
March 18, 2013 - Dianna goes on a Girls HBO rant (we know who also loved Girls the show and its creator Lena Dunham (Taylor))
End of March - Lena and Ashley show up at the Red Tour backstage
Conclusion - Swiftgron is on but completely underground. Dianna is blogging and tweeting romantic things about missing girls, Taylorâs interests, and secret love, all while watching Taylor perform at the Grammys and encouraging others to tune in. Something weird happened with the inside source at Glee tweet but who knows what. Dianna seems a bit restless and emo while Taylor leaves to go on tour.
Click here to keep reading!
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What A Mess || Kim Sunwoo
WC. 2.3K words
GENRE. Fluff / Fantasy / Witch!au
ELSIEâS NOTE. This was an old work that I wrote back when I was new on Tumblr. It supposed to be a stray kids fiction, but I decided to re-write it as The boyz fiction. And now, I repost it again in here.
SUMMARY.
As a friend and mentor, cleaning the mess Jaehyun made was never an option for you, it was a must. Including this kind of mess that involved Kim Sunwoo.
TAGLIST. [Networks] @tbznetworkâ @deobiwritersnetâ
It was a peaceful morning, one of the rarest days you could ever get. It just you and your morning tea. No Jaehyun nor his troublesome mess. You finally could relax for once.
Or so you thought.
A rather loud and impatient knock could be here from outside your house, ruining your peace. Which only means one thing.
Lee Jaehyun.
And that also explained how you got stuck in this situation.
âSo⌠let me get this straight.â Jaehyun winced at your words and tone, shuffling guiltily in place as he took a sudden interest in his shoes. Eyes narrowing, you continued, gritting your teeth slightly as you fought to keep your tone even, so as not to frighten your surprise guest.
âYou wanted to give me a gift as apologies for always troubling me, and instead of, oh I donât know, a damn cake or something, you decided to make a magical perfume from a sketchy spellbook and made Sunwoo test it out⌠Am I getting this so far?â
Nervously he nodded, and you inhaled sharply, continuing. Out of thousand humans in this world, why did he test it on Sunwoo!?
Itâs not like you were in bad term with Sunwoo or something. It just, ever since you became Jaehyunâs mentor, you rarely talk or meet him anymore. You were too busy cleaning your apprenticeâs mess. Moreover, he was your childhood crush. How do you suppose to face him when he back to normal?
âThen, somehow, you managed to accidentally turn him into a kid with no memories what so ever, and no way of turning him back because the book didnât say anything about how to reverse the spell⌠Have I gotten everything?â
You asked tightly barely fighting back a growl as he nodded again meekly.
Trying not to blow up at him completely, you turned your eyes to the silent toddler in your arms, face softening as you found him peering back at you quietly. Sunwoo had been crying and squirming when Jaehyun had arrived, and instinctively you had taken him from the lad, knowing how terrible he was with kids.
Almost instantly the small Sunwoo had started to calm, cuddling into you and looking at Jaehyun distrustfully, apparently having decided you were safe. Heâd been perfectly calm and obedient for you ever since but had refused to let go of you even once, getting frightened every time Jaehyun came too close.
âI-if itâs any consolation, the age regression, and lost memories should fix themselves on their own in about a week⌠Youâll only have to deal with it until then.â
Jaehyunâs words interrupted your thoughts, and you looked back up from Sunwoo as you absorbed what he had said.
Suspicious, your eyes narrowed on him, your voice carrying a clear warning as you spoke. ââŚWhat do you mean I'll only have to deal with itâŚâ
Your body tensed as you saw the way he fidgeted, a nervous laugh spilling from their lips.
âSorryIJustRememberedIForgetToTurnOffMyStoveBYE!!!â
âYah! Lee Jaehyun!â
After blurting those words, Jaehyun leapt up before you could react, and promptly vanished with a pop, startling the little boy in your lap and leaving behind a truly obnoxious amount of slowly fading sparkles. Blinking numbly at the spot Jaehyun had just been, you slowly looked back down at Sunwoo still clinging tightly to you, meeting his wide eyes with your own, before letting out a deep groan and quiet curse.
Sunwoo simply blinked wide innocent eyes up at you in response, still thoroughly spooked by Jaehyun display, though he was finally starting to relax completely in your lap now that Jaehyun was gone. Seeing the toddler version of Sunwoo sitting in your lap was already doing your head in, and again you fought back the urge to groan loudly in frustration, giving him a small tired smile instead.
âGuess youâre stuck with me. Remind me to dropkick Jaehyun into the sun when he comes back, yeah? Maybe I can make him taste his own medicine.â
Not understanding your words, Sunwoo simply blinked at you, before mimicking your tired smile with a shy one of his own. Unwittingly, your heart melted, and you sighed, holding him a little more protectively against you.
âNoona,â You hummed at Sunwoo. âAre you and that guy witches?â
âWell, I canât completely say we are a witch, but yeah, something like that.â
Sunwoo furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
âBut, isnât witch suppose to has hag-like crone appearance? You are too pretty to be a witch.â
You let out a giggle, face redden at his unexpected compliment as you put him down and ruffled his hair.
This Sunwoo was too innocent. It kinda reminded you of your childhood, where you guys didnât know anything about magic yet, where you couldnât do anything besides following Sunwoo around like a lost puppy. It was a nice memory.
âAnyway, have you eat any breakfast before coming here? I have some bread if you want.â He opened his mouth, wanting to decline your offer. But, his stomach spoke louder than his voice. âI will take that as yes to my offer.â
A week almost passed and yet, there was no sign of Sunwoo getting back to his normal state. He was still the six years old Sunwoo who still clueless to magic. You almost run out of excuses to not make him go anywhereâlike his house, or more like his parentsâ house since the old him live away from themâin this state. He seemed worried about something.
âHey, Sunwoo. May I ask you about something?â The boy looked up and nodded. âWhy do you want to go home so badly? Itâs not like I donât allow you or anything. It just⌠itâs kinda complicated.â
âSomeone is waiting for me at home, and Iâm sure she must be looking for me now in worry.â
âYour mom?â He shake his head no. âThen, who?â
â[Name], my friend. She is six years old like me but canât do anything right without my help.â You blinked and titled your head in confusion. Did he just talk about you, the six years old you? Are you too depended on Sunwoo back then?
He let out a sigh before continued. âShe is too innocent to the point she canât distinguish which is dangerous and not. Thatâs why I have to go back soon and protect her.â
His speech made you stunned. Who would have thought he still could think of the six years old you in a situation like this. You could not help to wonder, is he still worried about you âtill now. Maybe you should talk to him more often later.
âShe is lucky to have a friend like you.â
â⌠please keep this a secret between us.â
You saw his cheeks redden at your praise before shyly turned away.
That noon, after the talk you two had, you decided to go down to the city with Sunwoo to have some fun. He must be bored staying at your house for almost a week without any particular to do.
You took him to your favourite cafe to try their famous macaroon, which you sure he will like.
As soon as you entered the cafe you were greeted by Jaehyun, the culprit that went missing for days who happen to be the cafeâs part-timer. If it wasnât because of his shift, he might have run away from you again. He looked nervous as you made your order.
Your interaction with Jaehyun didnât go unnoticed by the little Sunwoo.
When you two went sit on one of the vacant seats, he couldnât help but ask, âAre you and that hyung dating?â
Dumbfounded by the unexpected question, you pointed your finger at Jaehyun and you, shuddered at the unpleasant thought. There was no way you could see your apprentice that way.
âNo, we arenât and never will.â
Sunwoo happily smiled, âGreat! Someone pretty like noona shouldnât date a guy like him.â
âThen, what kind of guy should I date?â You curiously asked. Itâs not like you will take his answer seriâ.
âLike me!â
Okay, that was unexpected and caught you off guard. Did he indirectly just say that you should date him? Oh gosh, your poor heart. You should teach him to not say something like that carelessly, after all, this kid was too innocent to understand how those words affected you.
âReally?â You decided to play along with him. âToo bad you are too young for me.â
His face looked panicked at the realization.
âUm.. give me a few years. I grow up into a man and ask you out again.â You could only laugh in response, spending the rest of your day with stories and sweets.
Later that night, Sunwoo insisted on sleeping together on your small bed. You let him did whatever he wanted since you didnât know if you can be this close with him in the future.
You somehow couldnât get a good night sleep, the talk you two had this noon kept you awake through the night.
Let alone a few years, a few more days you sure he will turn back into his normal self. Completely oblivious of this talk and promises, not remembering the memories you shared these few days.
You two will become awkward toward each other again.
And it made you sad.
The next morning, something woke you up earlier than usual. You felt engulfed in warmth as youâve never felt before, thinking that Sunwoo had turned off the air conditioner in your room. You attempted to stretch out your hands only to realize they were confined by somethingâmore like by someone.
When you shuffled in place a little to try and turn over, Sunwoo arms that were around your waist tightened. It took you a few second to completely awake and realized that his arms werenât this long before.
Your heart thumped loudly at the realization, letting a buzzing sensation overtake your chest.
Your first reaction should be jumping out of his embrace and wake him up, maybe express some form of embarrassment and then ask him how he able to turn back into his normal state, but you didnât. You found yourself not able to do that. Instead, you kept lying beside him like that, let yourself slip back into the dreamland like that.
Little did you know, Sunwoo was awake since the beginning. He should be asking you why he woke up beside you like this, what did Jaehyun do to him, and why he saw the six years old he made a love confession to you. Yet, he decided to enjoy the little moment and pulled you closer to him.
He will deal with those problems later.
Bonus:
"Why are you hiding here, again?" Haknyeon confusedly looked under the table where you were currently hiding right now.
Apparently, after what happened on the morning when the potionâs effect wears off, youâve been avoiding Sunwoo for a while now. You either stay away from the places that he might visit or hiding at some places until he tired of looking for you for the day. Just like now.
You still not ready to face him in person. The same scene of him hugging you without knowing you were awake at that moment kept replaying in your head. And strangely, it made you felt weird. You actually kinda liked it. The fact he remembered everything after the age regression didnât make you any less worryânot when it made your relationship became more awkward than before. To make it worse, the source of this problem seemed to be avoiding you too.
Most people on the town knew your relationship with Sunwoo. You two were childhood friends. It shouldnât be a problem for friends to share the same bed. But, it would be a different case if it happens between friends who almost never talk to each other beside giving each other some greeting and including a sleepy hug, which not the type of skinship that Sunwoo likes to do with you on daily basis, that holding a hidden meaning.
Was he have a feeling for you or something? The little Sunwoo sure hadâsince he had asked you out at the cafe.
Thatâs why you either staying away from the places that he might visit, or hiding at some places until he tired of looking for you for the day. Just like now. This was already the third time you hide under the potion roomâs one and only table.
Before you could explain it again to Haknyeon, Sunwoo came into the potion room and looked around.
"Hyung, do you happen to see [Name]? I couldn't find her anywhere." You clasped your mouth with your hand, shaking your head and warned the older man to not say anything with your eyes.
Haknyeon sighed and shook his head no, wondering how could he get dragged into your problem.
âI havenât seen her since this morning. Have you checked the library?â Sunwoo shook his head in response. âI just from there, and she wasnât there.â
âMaybe Jaehyun hyung could help you with that.â
After making sure Sunwoo had left for good, you came out from your hide out and sighed in relief.
âThanks, Haknyeon.â He chuckled before putting down the potion in his hand.
âIn the first place, why you need to avoiding him like that? You know soon or later you need to face him, right?â
Yes, you knew that, but you would worry about it laterâ
âOh hyung, I forget to ask youââ
Or maybe you should worry about it now.
â...She has been hiding here all the time, huh?â Haknyeon tiredly pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded.
Realizing the situation, you quickly activated a teleportation spell and escaped the room. But, you were not fast enough to escape from Sunwooâs grasp. Which teleport him with you. His tighten his grip around your arm, leaving you no chance to get away from him again.
"Stop running away from me!"
"W-who is running away!?" Sunwoo rolled his eyes at your obvious attempt. Knowing you from kids, he still could see how bad you were at lying. "You did. In fact, you were planning to do it right now."
"Well, you- I-" Your brain went overdrive as you tried to find some excuses.
He put his hands on your shoulder and looked at you in the eyes. And for the first time in the while, you finally looked at him in the eyes. You didn't know why he does that, but it did help you with your nervousness.
"Do you feel much better?" You bobbed. seemed like he still remembers about your habit when nervous. "Now, what are you trying to say?"
"I'm not avoiding you nor running away from you. It just..."
"You keep thinking about the confession that six years old me made, right?" He finished. " To be honest, I did think you're pretty, back when we were a kid until now."
Well, he was not completely wrong. You did think about it sometimesâ "Wait, what!?"
"I like you, idiot." He chuckled, flicking your forehead lightly. "Hey! What's that for!?"
"For being a stupid and also a dork." You pouted a little while processing this new information in your brain. Great, now you have a reason to even avoiding him more.
Tack!
"Ouch!" You rubbed your forehead that got flicked again by him, "Stop flicking my head!"
"Then you better not thinking about avoiding me again!" He chuckled a little before finally left you alone. "I'm hoping for my answer soon."
#tbznetwork#deobiwritersnet#the boyz imagines#the boyz scenarios#the boyz x reader#tbz imagines#tbz scenarios#tbz x reader#kim sunwoo imagin#kim sunwoo scenarios#kim sunwoo x reader#sunwoo imagines#sunwoo scenarios#sunwoo x reader
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The Gate
ST s02e09
In which I wrap up this little braindump about ST2 ^_^ Thank you, anybody still reading! ST2 is still my favorite seasonâand I even quite like ST3 (for what itâs worth). I hope everyoneâs been able to do something fun tonight, and been safe, and is as close to reasonably happy as any of us can be right now. Love you, tumblr peeps đ
We know Hopperâs reasons for hiding El and lying all this time, and theyâre good reasons, but still I feel for Mikeâs anger and hurt and feeling of betrayal so, so much here :(
The Partyâs whole âfriends donât lieâ ethos has stemmed from Mike, really. I think as their leader (insofar as they have or need one) heâs impressed this on the group as an answer to a need that is more keenly his than anyoneâs among them. (Not to say any of them would recognize this.)
We know Mike is flawed, though we also know he has plenty of virtues such as courage, loyalty, tenacity. I donât think thereâs a writing motive to add on a special fixation on perfect honesty so as to put a halo on him.
Lying has meanwhile been thematically tied in this seasonârepeatedly, overtlyâto love, protectiveness, safety from the possibility of loss. Weâre shown numerous times that lying is effective for people in meeting their needs and protecting others.
Yet Will is saved in the shed, made himself again even (if only temporarily), by the truth of who he is, told by the people who love him the most. The only one of those people not in his immediate family being Mike.
More than anything then, âfriends donât lieâ is a statement of how Mike, distinctly from many/most of STâs characters, understands love, what he demands of it, what he needs love to make secure for him. And (by extension, necessarily, of course), what he is most afraid of not giving, or being able to give, to someone he loves.
In other words, heâs a closeted queer person.
(Amateur psychoanalyzing? Massive projection? Why not both!)
Okay, Iâm not past the opening credits yet. I promise Iâm going faster for the rest of this :)
Urgh, Billy with Karen... I know whatâs coming in s3 that follows up on this, but whatâs weird to me right now about their first interaction is how, even though heâs nominally a kid, my gut-level hostility/discomfort/disapproval are reserved all for him. Just an observation of my own reaction, not sure what Iâm making of it.
Meanwhile, Karenâs kids. Stancy are peaceably over; Mileven...? Hopper pulls them apart (seemingly right before theyâll kiss?), again prefiguring a feature of s3. If my amateur analysis of Mike here is not too far off, then thereâs a certain symmetry in the conciliation/truth-telling thatâs about to happen between El and Hopper, and Mikeâs frantic dishonesty continuing through most/all of s3. Hopper, the adult, has grown and moved on from his earlier ways; Mike, still painfully growing up, must lie.
And in that conversation between El and Hopper, he even starts to say âSometimes I feel like Iâmââ then stops, obviously echoing, but then halting and revising, Mikeâs âsometimes I feel like Iâm going crazyâ to Will.
âI could be so...â âStupid?â âYeah. Stupid.â
Another Ghostbusters reference (to Zuul) when Dustin and Steve put the demodog in the fridge?
âThis isnât a stupid sports game.â
Billy gets got by Max. Woo-hoo!
Max making Billy repeat that he understands her: a small, unpleasant echo of Neil in his one scene. Hmmmmm.
More Exorcist stuff falling on Will :(
Iâve never seen The Exorcist.
Poor Steve. Fulfilling his contractual obligation to be well fucked up once per season :\
The block helping Max reach the pedals of Billyâs car is, Iâm going to assume, alluding to Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (a movie that came out in 1984).
We do not look up into the freaky monster pollen sphincter, Dustin!
Dustinâs farewell to Dart is sweet.
Passing over the closing of the gate, I guess. Itâs cool. I just donât have any good observations to make.
Hawkins, a place where ânothing ever happens.â See: Heaven, song by Talking Heads :)
Hopper meets Owens in, I think, the same bar where in s1 he lied to the state trooper about his daughter. Now he goes there to ratify the truth of his now-daughter.
Caleb McLaughlin is very adorable/funny as Lucas getting ready for the Snow Ball.
Iâm also mostly passing over the Snow Ball, only because I donât have any original observations right now. But the feels!!
Joyce and Hopper. Shared trauma. Letâs be sure to check in on them a year from now...
âDo you want to figure it out?â
The school gym in the Upside Down has the lights decoration for the dance strung up. Its metaphysics/relationship to our world are intriguing. Itâs clearly not simply parallel to and independent of our world. Things like this lend plausibility in my mind to theories like Will (or maybe El) having created the Upside Down.
The Mind Flayer watches over this mass public ritual of heterosexuality, and considers its next move.
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vampire LAMP au
okay but like imagine a vampire au with polysanders except virgil is the only human???
roman got bitten by a vampire in italy just for kicks and then he was left to his own devices. he had to suffer through the shift alone with nobody to help him
for a little while, he was ravenous and accidentally killed a lot of people. in the end, tho, he snapped out of it and taught himself how to control his hunger
roman lived through the italian renaissance and moved between italy and spain (which is why he can speak really good spanish/italian) and even settled down a little in england for some time too
when roman settled down in england, he met patton who'd been a vampire for a while now
patton became a vampire becos he was hit with the plague and his mother was desperate to find a cure. this vampire they met ended up helping and then taking patton under his wing
roman and patton eventually find themselves in america (which was still a pretty new country at the time)
logan lived during the industrial era where everyone was just inventing things left and right and it was booming in terms of science and machinery
he was turned becos a vampire thought his genius was too valuable and death shouldn't put a stop to logan who had a lot of potential
the three then settled down in america
roman made some money writing fantasy books under pseudonyms. logan made money through patents or really any kind of intellectual work he could find. patton spent his time at home, just helping out and taking care of roman and logan
they had to move often, of course, becos people would be suspicious if they just stayed in the same place for too long. they couldn't get attached to people either becos getting attached to people meant people who would keep track of them
after all of their years being alive, patton and logan and roman have amassed enough money that they're just chilling and living comfortably
now, it's the modren era and, in this au, all of them either have online classes and/or night classes
virgil takes night classes and online classes because it limits his social interaction with other people and he's much more comfortable interacting with smaller groups of classmates (night classes)/not physically interacting with classmates at all (online classes)
the others because well duh they're vampires
it's not becos they dont like sunlight (they can be exposed to a little but too much gives them rashes). it's just that it's easier to keep a low profile if they interact with less people
logan is really the only one seriously taking classes and not for any other reason than because he loves learning. patton and roman will take classes here and there but only for their hobbies
insert virgil. i haven't thought this one through but logan probably meets him first because they share a class together.
anyway, LAMP have a meet cute or whatever
maybe like virgil is in an art history class and the prof says something wrong abt a certain part of history
logan is about to correct the prof but virgil beats him to it and logan is impressed with how accurate virgil was with his facts because logan lived that era and not a lot of people are so knowledgeable about it
that aside, their friendship takes time
logan has to introduce patton and roman separately and then the three of them have to keep attempting to get closer to virgil slowly and at virgil's pace
eventually, for their own reasons, they fall in love with virgil
logan falls in love with how much he relates to virgil. virgil is so smart and the two of them can talk and have debates and virgil just understands him so well
roman falls in love with how snarky virgil is becos he'll tease virgil and he knows virgil will serve it right back to him. virgil challenges him and its exhilarating and exciting
patton falls in love with how soft virgil is and how much he wants to protect virgil from all the bad things in the world. he loves how virgil has been through so much and yet virgil is still so strong
virgil is unaware of how smitten the three of them are tho and he falls in love with them too. he kind of just... plans to be with whoever asks him out first (if any of them ask him out at all)
because virgil struggles with his anxiety a lot, he can't really work at normal places. there's too many interactions, too many people.
he had thought that he'd eventually get used to it and then he'd be able go get a job but it's taking him a lot of time to get over his anxiety
precious time he can't really afford since he's putting himself through college
which is where his vamp boyfriends friends come in because hello, if they can't pay for their cute human crush's essential college classes, then what's the point of having all that money?
in any case, they find out abt virgil's financial problems and they're like omg... we're the solutions to his problem!!!
roman: i can finally actually slay what ails virgil!!!
logan: you won't be slaying anything--
roman: LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING
before they establish that sort of relationship though, logan and roman and patton all agree that they want virgil to know the real them first so that virgil can decide whether or not he wants to be associated with them
the last thing they want to do is make virgil feel like he's obligated to stay with them even tho he fears them becos they're paying for his college and housing him and stuff
so, they plan get to know virgil more and then tell virgil they're kind of sort of creatures of the night
definitely easier said than done
when they tell virgil, he's like *phone error sound* ??? before realizing oh my God, they're serious
he then laughs about it a little and the other three are confused but he clarifies that the situation was very ironic
becos like omg, how hilarious is that??? the one goth guy who's super pale and avoids social contact and is practically the stereotypical vampire is actually the only one that's NOT a vampire??? that's irony at its finest
virgil then also assures them that the three of them being vampires doesn't bother him one bit
virgil, the epitome of tumblr humor: bold of you to assume i wouldn't f**k a supernatural being
jokes aside, he does reveal to them that he couldn't care less about what species they were, just that they loved him and he loved them
and damn did virgil love those three idiots
roman: woah there, you might pull a muscle from all the i love you's you're spouting
virgil, sweating up a storm after showing the most emotional vulnerability in his life: sh*t u rite
jokes aside, they do form a sort of weird relationship where the three of them happily provide for virgil because virgil doesnt have the means to do so
it takes virgil a while to really get used to it since he's not used to accepting things from other people without giving back
he struggles for a little while becos he keeps trying to find ways to repay them for what they do for him but there's only so much he can do
eventually they have a conversation abt it and they're like babe honey sweetie no
patton: you give us your love and that's the absolute most important and priceless thing in the world!!!
virgil, known pessimist who cringes away from romantic gestures out of habit: sounds fake but ok
but like eventually they work it out in like a slowly but surely kind of way.
virgil learns to see money the same way the other three do (replaceable and pretty much worthless to vampires who have a large abundance of it) and the other three learn to kind of tone it down on the expensive gifts
virgil: im so glad you guys dont buy me really expensive things now
roman, sweating profusely as he hides the golden apple he had commissioned to be made especially for virgil: oH YEAH OFC HAHAHA
(logan, when roman had suggested getting virgil the golden apple: first of all, no??? in what way is that even romantic--)
omg imagine if virgil does the thing where he coops himself up in his room??? and then someone tries to get him to get out by pulling the blinds open to let in light??? and virgil hisses???
patton, having just let sunlight in, looking absolutely offended: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, you're not a vampire so don't take that tone of hiss with me--
someone is like teasing or bullying virgil abt his aesthetic and virgil is obviously getting uncomfortable, esp when they call him twilight (in reference to the vampire romance novel)
so one of the boys, probably roman, steps up and he's like 'the person you should call twilight is me' and he scares the bullies by flashing his eyes red and showing them his fangs
omg!!! roman doesn't have a reflection so virgil helps him put on make up or smth!!!
maybe virgil in this au is an artist so he paints a picture of all three of them so they know what they look like becos they dont show up on pictures and reflections
patton, gazing down at the picture: this is what true love feels like
logan, also feeling the same way: really? how unpleasant
logan:
logan: give me more
omg also logan having only really kept up with the intellectual side of history so he doesn't know abt memes and like stuff like that so virgil teaches him and he has his Flashcardsâ˘
iDK MAN JUST VAMPIRE BOYS BEING SOFT FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR THIS SMALL LITTLE HUMAN THEYVE PULLED UNDER THEIR (bat) WINGS
#sanders sides#logan sanders#patton sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#analogical#prinxiety#moxiety#poly am sanders#polyamsanders#polyam sanders#lamp#alternate universe#lampire au#mine
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Recap/review 15.13: âDestinyâs Childâ
THEN: The pizza man! Megstiel! Oh, lord, I love these two. Ruby 2.0. Lots of pizza for some reason. Jack is soulless. Chuck is destroying his worlds.
NOW: Bunker. The guys are doing research in the library when they hear a weird loud noise. They rush into a room I donât recognize and find a cute little seafoam green Fiat. With Kansas plates. {Sidebar: Iâm thrilled to see Kansas plates. I wish Baby would get replated before the end.} As Savage Garden sings about ch-ch-cherry cola feelings at the base of your spine, two feet (but only one sock) emerge from the Fiat, and those feet are connected to⌠Sam and Dean! Well, AU versions of them, anyway. As real Sam and Dean watch in horrified confusion, we get glimpses of AU Sam and Dean â an expensive watch, non-flannel clothes, AU Samâs hair half up. An open rift glows behind them. âWell,â says AU Sam, âwe did it.â The AU brothers fistbump (which is smart; you donât want to shake hands with coronavirus and all) and we see AU Sam is wearing an Apple watch. Which I think the OG Winchesters should wear, considering how often they seem to miss important texts.
All four make eye contact.
Dean? Sam? Sam? Dean? What the hell? What the heck?
The rift flares brighter, AU Dean says âAw, nuts,â and the AU brothers and their cute little car are sucked back out of our world.
Title card!
Time jump. OG Sam and Dean are telling Cas about their doppelgangers. Dean is particularly disturbed by their car (as am I, because thereâs no way those two big guys would be running around in a tiny little Fiat, no matter how fucking cute it is). And all three are just completely confused. Which is odd, considering that they know 1) there are AU versions of themselves in AU worlds, and B) people can move between those worlds. I donât know why they canât wrap their heads around AU Winchesters showing up in the bunker.
âHow did they get here?â Dean asks. The answer comes from Billie. âThey were running. Because God was destroying their reality. Heâs almost done wrapping up those other worlds.â And when he finishes his other worlds, heâs coming after the Winchesters. Itâs time move on to the next step in Billieâs plan for Jack. Our boy enters on cue, eating a sandwich and announcing heâs ready. Billie explains that the first step (eating angel hearts, ew) was to prepare his body, and the next step is âmore spiritual in nature.â He has to find something called the Occultum.
The Occultum? Thatâs Latin for âhidden.â Where do we find it? I donât KNOW. Itâs HIDDEN.
Hee!
Smart Sam, slightly embarrassed chastised Sam. Love âem both.
They donât really even know what it is, let alone where it is. Or maybe Billie knows what it is, and just isnât talking. She stresses that since everything will go tits up if God finds out what theyâre doing, they need to be ready, and vigilant. âAnd not stupid.â
Oh, Billie. Itâs too late for that.
Research time. Samâs frustrated, Deanâs distracted. Because he remembered Amara, and he thinks maybe Jack is supposed to kill Amara too. Sam scoffs at that, but Dean reminds us him that the world will be out of balance if Chuck is gone but Amara remains. Sam asks âBut then who takes over? Jack?â Jack wanders in, blowing a bubblegum bubble, and proudly announces that he just learned how to do it. âProbably not,â Dean says. Heh. The guys question Jack about how, exactly, heâs going to strike God down, and either he doesnât know or, again, heâs not talking.
{Sidebar: Neither of them thought anyone needed to take over as God if Chuck was gone. They were, in fact, looking forward to a Godless world. Why, now, does Sam suddenly think someone needs to take over if both Chuck and Amara are gone? Yeah, I know the answer. Bad writing. Thanks, Buckleming!}
They must have brought the Amara situation up for a reason. Itâs the kind of monkey wrench that the writers usually ignore if they donât have a way to address it. Whatâs going to happen? Here are the possibilities I came up with:
Both Chuck and Amara are killed.
Jack replaces Chuck as God, which means Amara can go on playing keno.
Either Sam or Dean replaces Chuck as God, and Jack or Cas becomes the Darkness. (Neither Sam nor Dean can receive the Mark of Cain again, right? Isnât that canon? Or is it fanon? And did Samâs very brief experience with the Mark actually count?)
Jack replaces Chuck as God, and Cas becomes the Darkness. Or vice versa.
Billie pulls a deus ex machina and the whole Chuck/Amara balance thing becomes moot.
The whole Amara situation will never be mentioned again.
Cas wanders in, gathering information from Sergei. Sergei? Again? Will we never be shed of him? Dean agrees with me. âHim? Are we that desperate?â Apparently so. Sergei says the Occultum was housed in a temple until it wasnât and Dean starts throwing out movie plots to hypothesize what might have happened to it. Iâm sure that was amusing to some of you. Anyway, it ended up in the hands of a faith healer with glowy hands. Oh, who could that be? Well, if you didnât cover the guest star credits, you didnât see Danneel Ackles. And even if you did, Iâm sure youâve guessed that the faith healer is Sister Jo, who everyone calls Jo rather than using her angel name. Even Cas. I think we should start calling him Jimmy.
Sister Joâs. Sheâs wearing some weird combo of satin slipdress/turtleneck/pink blazer. Any one of these items is fine. Together theyâre awful. Sam and Dean show up, asking where the Occultum is, and threatening her with angel blades when she refuses to spill the beans. Which doesnât seem very threatening to me. As an angel, sheâs still so much more powerful than they are. (Whatever.)
She says âI gave it to an old friend of yours â Ruby.â And Samâs first response is âwhy would you give it to herâ instead of âwait, we killed her years before you fell to earth and became a faith healer.â {waves to Buckleming} We get some ridiculous backstory (and again I donât understand why an angel cares so much about couture brands) about how she was working with Ruby and oh, look, itâs Ruby 2.0! {Sidebar: I covered the credits, as I said, so I didnât notice that Genevieve Padalecki was not in them. I love the way Show tries to set up a surprise and then their PR department completely spoils it. Because yes, of course I knew Genevieve was coming back. Even the Unsullied couldnât avoid that spoiler, especially because some people on Tumblr do not use spoiler tags!!! However, I was under the impression sheâd be in the final episode, so it was a huge relief to see her in this one. Letâs waste all the nonsense on a Buckleming episode!}
Anyway. According to Jo, Ruby claimed she had a buyer for the Occultum. Jo gave it to her, and then the boys killed her so the deal did not go down. {Sidebar: Once again, Show, flashbacks to older, better episodes are not doing you any favors.} The Occultum is still where Ruby stashed it â in Hell. Dean rolls his eyes, because thatâs all Hell is now. It doesnât inspire terror, just an eyeroll. Hell is basically Walmart. And Deanâs eyeroll is tantamount to me saying âShit, the only place I can get toilet paper is Walmart? Ugh.â And I hate that, friends. I really, really hate the way Hell has become no more than an unpleasant inconvenience.
Here. Have a palate cleanser.
Bunker. Jack is eating⌠everything. He and Cas talk about how heâs really into food now, but he doesnât feel things like he did before he lost his soul. He makes another guilt-free reference about âwhat happened to Mary,â like he did right before they put him in the box, and wonders if Dean will ever forgive him. {Sidebar: He doesnât care if Sam forgives him, or he knows Sam has/will? Discuss.} Cas says âYou know, Dean, he feels things more acutely than any human Iâve ever known.â Because yes, Dean has to be the absolute bestest at everything, doesnât he? {Sidebar: How long has it been since someone told Dean he was pretty? What if he forgets???} Anyway, Cas thinks maybe someday Dean will explode and release his Most Acutest Ever feelings and then Jack will be forgiven. (Foreshadowing!)
The guys enter the bunker, discussing Rowenaâs spell to get into Hell, and Dean calls Sam âSamwitch.â \o/ Because, as we know, someone over there reads my LJ and/or Tumblr. Um. Does this mean itâs the Buckleming? If so, Iâm going to need some time. Cas shows up and looks constipated and says âcome with meâ and itâs an odd transition because it seemed like they interrupted his talk with Jack, but actually it must be some time later.
Cas takes them back to the mystery room, which I guess was identified as the armory but it looks more like another library to me, and shows them a ghostly AU Sam and Dean. Theyâre trapped between worlds, apparently. Dean doesnât care. When Cas assures him they donât seem to be in pain, heâs ready to move on. I wonder how acutely he feels that.
Sam tells Cas that Ruby stashed the Occultum in Hell and Cas says âRuby. The demon you were sexually intimate with.â Samâs all, really, Cas, youâre going there? and itâs another episode of ha ha, funny Cas doesnât understand human interactions, and then Dean goes all squinty eyed and says âsexually intimate?â as if this is NEWS TO HIM and WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT, SHOW. This is not news to Dean. Sam told him ALL ABOUT IT in âI Know What You Did Last Summer.â Dean even told him it was âtoo much information.â Sam told him EVERYTHING. And now weâre supposed to think he didnât know Sam was banging a demon?
FUCKLEMING!!!!
Anyway. Cas thinks they should get some confirmation from Ruby before going to Hell, but she is inconveniently dead. And also, why would she tell them the truth, considering theyâre the reason sheâs inconveniently dead. The guys donât want to wait. They tell Cas to stay in the car right outside the door to Walmart and keep the engine running keep the spell to open Hell going.
Hell. Ugh So cheesy; so much hate. The guys come across a minion who says Rowena is hosting a reception, and heâll take them to her. But Ruth wasnât in the credits (for those of you who saw the credits) so obviously this is a trap. Fighty fighty, blah blah blah. Turns out they were set up by Jo. We do get a bit of a post-exertion huff from Sam, so itâs not a total waste.
While this is happening, Cas decides to go to the Empty to question Ruby, because heâs pretty sure Jo isnât telling the truth. He needs Jack to kill him to the point that heâs only mostly dead. And weâre reminded about his deal with the Empty, so I guess thatâs still a thing. Cas gives Jack a flask to hold his life force, and tells him that if this goes badly, Cas will be lost forever. And if Jack doesnât keep the spell burning, the Winchesters will be stuck in Hell and will be lost forever. Wow, a lot of things could go wrong here. Jack puts a hand on Casâs forehead and we see Casâs grace drain into the flask.
Sister Joâs place. Sheâs packing up and fleeing.
The Empty. Cas calls for Ruby. âHello, Clarence,â says a familiar voice. Itâs Meg! \o/ Oh, no. Itâs just the Empty Guy in Meg form. Dammit. Megâs got to be in here somewhere, and Iâd love to see some Megstiel action one more time before I die. But it is very nice to see Rachel Miner. Empty!Meg calls Ruby out from the darkness. Ruby fondly remembers Sam as âthe big lugâ and tells Cas a completely different story about her relationship with Jo. {Sidebar: I hate to say this, but Gen doesnât look so good in this episode, and I also remember her as a better actor.} Ruby tells Cas the Occultum is âa place, a thing, whatever you want to call it.â Sheâll tell him where it is if he gets her out of the Empty. He promises to try, and she whispers in his ear.
Back at the bunker, the guys have returned and are horrified to find that Cas is hopefully in the Empty, hopefully finding Ruby, hopefully finding the location of the Occultum, and Sam says âthatâs way too many hopefullys!â Hee. They demand that Jack bring him back. In the Empty, Empty!Meg tortures Cas and says Billie promised she could go back to sleep as soon as this is all over, while in the bunker, Jack feeds him his life force.
Resurrected from the nearly-dead, Cas gets called an idiot, because neither of these guys have ever risked their lives to get information (ha ha, sure Dean). He tells the guys he knows where the Occultum is, and theyâre ready to go. However, Jack points out that if Chuck notices theyâre gone and figures out what theyâre doing, itâs game over. True. But that was also true when they went to Hell, and it didnât seem to be a problem. Anyway, Dean has an idea. He thinks they need a visible presence in the bunker, because this is where Chuck will look.
We donât know that. We donât NOT know that.
Hee! Down in the armory, the AU Winchesters are still stuck between worlds. Dean thinks they can open the rift and yank the guys back into this world. Conveniently, since theyâre stuck adjacent to this world, Casâs grace should be plenty. The AU brothers are playing rock-paper-scissors and maybe Iâm missing something, but it sure looks like Dean throws scissors and Sam throws rock, which means Sam wins, but Dean acts like he won. Maybe itâs different in AU World. Maybe AU World rocks are very soft.
Sam does the spell, because the one good thing I still get to have is that Sam is in charge of the spellwork. The next thing we see is the OG brothers and the AU brothers at the map table, drinking beer. Iâm pretty sure Jared is going to take AU Samâs purple suit home after they shoot the last episode. The AU brothers are awfully prissy and donât drink much beer â âDad wonât keep it in the house. He only likes his private label Scotch. He spoils us.â Damn. They really are prissy. And John is alive, and went through the rift with them, but they donât know where he is now. Nor do they seem concerned at all, even though they toast him as the âbest guy ever.â The AU Winchesters hunt worldwide, and get paid, and have their own plane. The originals explain to the AUs why they need them to act as decoys. OG Sam tells AU Sam that heâll have to âlose the manbunâ and AU Sam recoils in horror and this is NOT WORKING FOR ME. (Also, itâs not technically a manbun, itâs just half up.) I guess some of you loved them, and Iâm sure J2 had fun playing them, but Iâm just. Bleh. Rich hunters wouldnât be fussy little twits. Maybe if they were MoL; I can see that. But hunters with money would, IMHO, be like those Duck Dynasty idiots. Theyâd still be wearing flannel, theyâd just drive huge expensive SUVs.
Sam, who are these douches and why are they in our house?
{Sidebar: Why are all the AU Winchesters the same age as our Winchesters? If the other worlds were copies of ours, shouldnât the AU brothers be younger? Shouldnât we have Dylan Everett or Colin Ford here?}
Carrying on. The Impala pulls up to a church, and even Jack thinks this is too easy. But then itâs not, because we hear the distinctive growl of hellhounds. Dean gets the door unlocked just in time, and they all rush inside. Sam holds the doors closed as the other three casually wander around the church trying to find the Occultum. Sam is clearly having trouble, but no one comes to his aid. The sky conveniently clears, revealing a moonlit cross on the floor that marks the spot. Dean pulls up a floorboard and reveals a small blue velvet bag {Sidebar: Anyone else have a very similar Crown Royal bag full of cassette tapes in their car back in the 70s/80s? Or was that just me and my lowlife friends?} Inside the bag is an orb inscribed in Enochian: In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you. Sam continues struggling with the door, and the others are all, you held the doors open against Lucifer himself, Iâm sure you can handle a couple of silly hellhounds, which is true but still.
Bunker. AU Sam and Dean are cosplaying as our Sam and Dean, but not well. âThey said lose the manbun, Samuel,â says AU Dean. âLook, hillbilly clothes are bad enough. I had to draw the line somewhere, and my hair is sacred.â Sam drinks beer with his pinkie extended, and hates it, and Iâm sorry. I canât stand this.
Scenes from the Writersâ Room
You know, last year, Jared got to play a couple of fun AU versions of Sam. I missed out on that.
Okay, but weâve got you singing this year. And dancing.
Yeah, I know, but I really want to play a different version of Dean, too. Iâm gonna be looking for jobs. I need to showcase all my talents.
All right, we can do that.
Also, make sure someone tells Dean heâs pretty.
Anyway. AU Dean is growing to enjoy beer, and he finds porn on Deanâs laptop (leave it to the Buckleming to bring back Busty Asian Beauties, ugh), and he thinks the OG life â nothing but beer, monsters, and porn â might not be so bad after all. AU Sam decides he agrees.
Back at the church, Sam is still the only thing between the rest of TFW 2.0 and grim death. As Cas and Dean squabble over what to do next, Jack figures out the obvious and swallows the Occultum. He collapses and glows and is transported to⌠Eden! Which has astroturf! And a weird girl who says Eden will change him âif youâre the one meant to find it.â She disappears and a snake appears in the tree. (Hello, Crawly!) âWho are you really?â it hisses. âWho are you meant to be?â Jack has some flashbacks to his best times and worst times and falls to the ground, crying. Then he appears back in the church as a glowing orb which immediately heads straight toward Sam, if you didnât notice. But I did. Then it floats back to Cas and Dean. Sam collapses and the door opens, but the ball of light disperses the hellhounds and leaves Jack on the floor.
Aftermath! Bunker. Dean is dismissing the AU Winchesters. AU Dean suggests they all live there together, and OG Dean turns them down. He thinks they need to go to Brazil, and refuses their request to keep the flannel shirts. AU Dean tells him they saw the car â and drove it. I wonder when they did that, since the OG Winchesters drove it to the church. Huh. But thatâs not what bugs me most about this. What bugs me most is that thereâs NO WAY IN HELL (not even new, wimpy Walmart Hell) that Sam and Dean would have let those guys go. Would have turned them loose without any support. No fucking way.
Dean joins Sam, who is standing sadly in the hallway outside Jackâs door. Cas comes out of his room and says Jack is okay, but something is different. They go inside and oh, itâs not Jackâs room, itâs the kitchen. Jack is sitting at the table, crying. He apologizes for not understanding that killing Mary was his fault and begs for forgiveness. Looks like someone has been resouled. And â scene!
So. I didnât really care for this one. In fact, it kind of made me lose hope for the rest of the season. And maybe the will to live. But Iâm not going to dwell on that. Iâm going to dwell on this: We donât need any more side characters, even if theyâre Sam and Dean.
Scenes From the Writersâ Room
Okay, who else can we bring back?
What about Ruby? I know a lot of fans would like to see some closure for her story.
I thought she had closure? When they killed her?
{laughter}
Good one. Yeah, letâs bring her back and wrap her story up. And weâll give Cas and Jack some time too.
But weâve gotta use the guys at some point. People are gonna complain.
Iâve got an idea â what if we have Jared and Jensen play two different people, rather than Sam and Dean?
You, my friend, are a fucking genius!
But if we had to get two AU Winchesters, couldnât it have been the ones from Samâs nightmares? Wouldnât Boy!King Sam or MoC Dean have been awesome? And what if, after the AU Winchesters tumbled into the bunker, AU Sam quietly pulled OG Sam aside.
I need to talk to you. Alone. What is it? Do you have a secure room? Someplace we can ward? Why? Um⌠Iâm not sure how to explain⌠Do you have Cain and Abel in your world? {Sam visibly blanches} Weâve got a dungeon. Come help me set it up. Now.
Wouldnât that have been better than this crap? Or what about Samifer? Wouldnât Sam and Deanâs reactions to Samifer have been magnificent? (Yeah, I know. We didnât need a whole Plot. We just needed a small Device.)
And it turns out theyâre not airing any more new episodes until⌠who knows when. Which means weâre stuck with this one. If I die and the last new episode of Supernatural I ever get to see is a fucking Buckleming episode, Iâm going to be so pissed. I will come back and I will be haunting some asses. Enough whining. What did you think? And please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!
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So... the iPhone SE...
Alright this one is gonna be a long one so scroll on past if youâre not interested. If you are, then buckle up because hereâs a multi-part essay about my opinions on the new SE.
For anyone that saw my post about getting a new phone and wondered what phone I got, I got the new iPhone SE (yes, Iâm an Apple person. Donât come for me).
At first, I was seeing videos of people getting excited over the phone but now, as time has gone on, those same people are now making videos criticising the phone.
Admittedly, they have some good points to bring up. The battery of the new SE is not amazing. It doesnât outlast my dadâs XR which is somewhat annoying to say the least.
My counter-argument to that is that it lasted a whole day of me playing games on full brightness in the sunlight and didnât die on me once which is honestly incredible after the last phone i had but anywho weâll discuss this later.
My problem with a lot of those videos is that I feel like theyâre getting the wrong end of the stick about what the SE is trying to be and theyâre comparing it to the wrong phones.
The Original SE
The original SEâs main selling point (seriously why did Apple name them like this this is confusing) was that it had the newer internals of the 6S (so the faster processor, the better camera, etc) in the smaller body of the older 5S.
That was why I, and a lot of others Iâm sure, liked it. Because it was a newer phone but in a size I preferred.
It also didnât break the bank.
The old SE was praised for combining new and old in a way that complimented the old form-factor and rejuvenated in while also allowing people to access the newer features that were coming out in updates. At the time of writing this (27/04/2020), the old SE still supports new iOS updates and runs iOS 13 with minimal hiccups (not counting the fact that iOS 13 isnât the most bug-free of updates).
But now, in 2020, the new SE is released and people are criticising it for the same thing they praised it for back in the day. Theyâre complaining that it has Touch ID, that it doesnât have a edge-to-edge display, that itâs small, that the battery isnât good, that the camera doesnât stack up.
Look.
Everyone is free to have their own opinion. If you donât like the SE, thatâs fine. You donât have to. No one is forcing you to. Just keep scrolling coz I do like the SE and Iâm about to defend it til I run out of breath.
The âOldâ Body
The SE combines old and new. Thatâs itâs schtick, thatâs its gimmick. It was the thing for the 2016 SE, its the same for the 2020 SE. Although I wouldâve loved to see an SE with an edge-to-edge display like any of the X or the 11 range, Iâm not super surprised it hasnât happened.
In fact, the small changes they have made, such as all colours now coming with a black bevel (and the better colour matching between the bevel and the screen), make it look really high-quality and beautiful honestly.
It has the same body as the 6, yes, but it doesnât look like the 6 because of that colour-matching. And I appreciate that.
Oh! And the back being the non-metallic colour? God thatâs sexy. The back is more reminiscent of the 11 (or the XR, I suppose, depending on what colour you got) than the 6 or 7. So itâs not unchanged?
Touch ID and Haptic Touch
Again, a controversial topic. The Touch ID in the SE is like the 3rd Gen or something?? I donât actually know. But itâs several generations in at this point and it shows.
I came from the original SE, which had one of the first ever generations of Touch ID (if not the first) and the speed with which this new phone unlocks is incredible compared to the older model.
I tap the button once and the phone unlocks instantly. That is it.
Maybe itâs cumbersome to have Touch ID back again after all this time but if youâve come from a Touch ID phone, especially one of the older models (which really... I think thatâs probably the intended audience), itâs a big improvement.
And look no further for someone who was viscerally against the fake button Haptic Touch thing.
I hated the idea of it. My view was I either wanted the real button or no button at all. Full stop. End of story. Youâd never change my mind.
Yeah... the new SE changed my mind.
I have the haptics turned up to the highest setting and it actually feels like a real button. Its less spongy than a real button, of course, and feels stiffer (kinda? Maybe just shallower) but its actually a really satisfying feature.
I remember first trying the fake button on the 7 and it vibrated at the wrong time or youâd try to press it to do one thing and itâd do another. It was confusing and made it very difficult to use.
I will say now I havenât actually tried using an 8 so I canât pass judgement on that but i like the SE.
And the Haptic Touch is really really nice.
I never thought Iâd have a phone that has built-in rumble when playing games but here we are. This is the future.
Aside from being kinda nifty to feel the vibration in your hands when something happens on-screen, the Haptic Touch vibrates under your finger when interacting with the rotating dials to set timers or reblogging posts on tumblr. Itâs a weird experience but not an unpleasant one and I like it way more than I was expecting to.
The Small Size
As for the size?
I really like it.
Itâs big enough that it feels like a step-up from my old phone but not so big that Iâm struggling to hold it (*cough cough* the XR *cough cough*).
Okay so my touch-typing is suffering a wee bit at the moment but tbh I started to struggle on my old phone before I upgraded coz the screen was just a little too small so itâs more a me thing than an it thing. Iâm sure Iâll get used to it.
The camera.
I feel the need to mention that my last phone was the 2016 SE so, maybe itâs because my standards are really low, or maybe Iâve never owned an 11 and, therefore, have no comparison for it that way? But I donât think the camera is bad.
In fact, I would even go so far as to say the camera is really fricking good.
After using a phone with a front-facing camera that could barely shoot 480p, stepping up to 1080p on the front is Wildâ˘. The difference between this new camera and the old one is incredible.
If you want a camera that shoots good quality photos, has good colour balance, can actually show the sky as blue when shooting through a window (yes this is how low my expectations are), then omg this phone is incredible.
Obviously, its never gonna beat the 11 with its two cameras and its not gonna be able to contend with the 11 Pro series with their three cameras but hey, the phone is like half the price so??
The Battery
Okay, so lets talk about the battery.
I know this is a bit of a sore spot with people because iPhones recently have been coming out with bigger and better batteries every year.
I did a quick check through and, according to Apple, the battery life is about the same as both the 7 and the 8, which makes sense as they all share the same body. Unfortunately, that means that its probably a size issue. As in, thats the longest a battery of that size can last in a phone. Which is kinda annoying.
But, this is a post about my experience with the SE and I havenât ever owned a 7 or an 8. My mum owned a 7 and the battery on that was god-awful and Iâve had a much better experience with my SE than she did.
First of all: some context.
Again, a friendly reminder my last phone was a four year old SE. It was a 64GB one as well, so you know Iâm being legit (they stopped selling the 64GB (in the UK at least) about a year after the phoneâs initial release).
So the battery on my old phone was absolutely fine. At first. As time went on and the phone got older, it did, unfortunately, begin to struggle.
As a reference, a few months before I replaced it (given lockdown doesnât give the most accurate overview of what it was like to use on a day-to-day basis), it wouldnât make it through a day at school without dying at least once, sometimes twice.
I had to carry a portable charger with me everywhere I went.
I left my house when it was on 100% and, by the time I got to school after an hour on the bus, it would be on 60-70% on a good day.
Letting your battery die everyday is really not good for it but, try as I might, I couldnât stop it from happening.
I tell you this to let you know that my criteria for a good battery is literally just âlasts me through the dayâ.
Iâve had my new phone for about three days now and it hasnât died on me once.
I played games on it in bright sunlight with the phone on full brightness for several hours straight yesterday and yet it still lasted me through the day and then some. After being off charge for 11 hours, it just about hit 20% before I put it on charge.
Today, I was on social media: tumblr, instagram, youtube, for the majority of today. Both tumblr and instagram had an uncanny ability to completely decimate the battery life of my old phone. They could reduce it from 50% to 40% after 5 minutes. But, again, no problemo for my new phone.
It got to about 50% today before I put it back on charge to go have dinner.
Iâd say that lasts through the day quite nicely.
Especially given itâs getting a lot more use than it would normally because a) Iâm stuck inside with nothing to do and b) shiny new phone!!!
But I digress.
So, Why Does The SE Exist?
Iâm gonna be real. I donât think the iPhone SE (2020) is trying to be anything fancy. Itâs not trying to be the next iPhone 11, itâs not trying to replace the XR. If anything, itâs replacing the 8.
I donât think the SE is a bad phone. It does everything it says it does and it does it well.
I think the YouTube reviewers have it slightly wrong. I donât think they should be comparing the SE to the 11 or the XR because, realistically, the people who own those phones arenât gonna be buying the SE for themselves.
The people who are gonna be buying the SE are the people who have the 5s or the old SE or the 6s or even maybe the 7. (Iâm not sure how noticeable the jump would be from 8 to SE, given they have very similar specs).
Theyâre the kind of people who want a new phone but donât have the money to go for the more expensive XR or 11 range.
Or maybe they donât want a giant phone because idk bout you but I have small hands and the XR is both large and heavy and thatâs not practical. Plus, the XR with womenâs jeans? Really? Not happening.
So, while I understand why reviewers are comparing the SE to the 11s or the XRâbecause the SE has the internals of those two and is closer to them in terms of release dateâI donât think itâs actually realistic.
TL;DR
YouTube reviewers are comparing the SE to the recent phones when they should be comparing it to the older ones, which is the more likely transition. The iPhone SE has a lot more going for it than people say and I really like it.
#long post#iphone SE#the new iphone#i have opinions#kinda a rant#apple#ios#apple ainât perfect but the iphone SE is a decent phone#funny how i made that same argument bout the 2016 SE too#huh#makes ya think
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Erotica - Epilogue - (M)
Pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader Genre: SMUT Summary: Youâre a rookie porn actress on the rise and everything goes well until you get offered a role in a big-budget porn movie, starring the most famous actor in the porn industry. Words: 2515 Warning: Read at your own risk Erotica was banned from the Tumblr search engine so it appears nowhere no matter which tags I use and you can only find it in my masterlist or in your dashboard. Might as well link the previous chapters and my masterlist here lolÂ
MASTERLISTÂ
- Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Epilogue -
Epilogue
Im Jaebum is funny.
You wouldnât be able to explain the past two years without wailing. He has one or two flaws, most of them involving his laziness but nothing out of the ordinary.
Itâs like he was made for you.
Today is the last day of his career. Jaebum has an interview for one of these magazines you always refused to appear in and he will be done with porn forever. Itâs a day to celebrate, not only because youâre both out of the porn industry, but also because itâs the beginning of a new life.⨠Erotica made you earn a lot of money and allowed Jaebum to invest into an old building to transform it into an apartment complex.
So naturally, he left this job after months of struggling with the idea of dating someone who regularly has sex with other people. It was hard for Jaebum, but he had no other choice.
Itâs the first serious talk you both had, right after your first official night as a couple. You ended up accepting the fact that he had to keep working until the end of his contract, just like he had to accept the fact that you too, had other things planned before quitting.
You found yourself stopping before he did and started looking for another job, while he filmed his last movies as JB the porn star.
Tonight is a celebration yet Jaebum insisted on staying home and enjoy a peaceful night together. He brought food and wine, along with a pretty necklace that he insisted you should wear every minute of your life.
Your stomach is still full as youâre lying flat on your bed. Itâs a hot summer day and not even the cool breeze is enough to electrify your moist body. Youâre somehow lost in your thoughts, from the stress coming along with your new job to the relationship youâve spent month building with Jaebum.
Said Jaebum aims for your attention when he sees you all spaced out, visibly full of food and ready to doze off.
He refuses to blame your hazy state on the slow sex you both just had.
âWhat are you thinking about?â He takes in the sight of your naked body, hand pressing against your burning skin as he leans a little bit to rest his head over your body. He finds shelter near your hipbone where he nibs at the skin before blowing cool air over it. âYou look so serious.â
Jaebum isnât used to you being so unaware of your surroundings. Youâre so cautious of everything you do to forget about everything else but now you seem unfocused, not even bothered by the fact that he is drawing tiny patterns on your thigh.
âMy tummyâs about to burst.â
He chuckles, biting at the tiny bulge under your navel. âYou ate so wellâŚâ he mocks, kissing the spot when you start wriggling, falsely annoyed.⨠âSeriously though, I was thinking about you.â You add, barely lifting your head to meet his questioning gaze. He rests atop of your hip bone, body leaning sideways and arm around your naked waist.
Jaebum even looks pleased, his teasing smile replaced with an expectant gaze. âAnd what about me?â
You sigh, moving your free leg so it would reach a cooler part of the bedding. âI was thinking about how crazy it is that we ended up dating when we were both porn actors.â You shift a little when Jaebum nods, his chin tickling your skin.
He muses, eyes reaching for the roof as a sign of his reflection. âI think it makes sense. I donât think anyone can accept that job, let alone introduce a porn actor to their parents.â
âYour parents know.â You scoff. Even his family is chill.
He shrugs, mouth going to your stomach to kiss it. âMy parents are supportive, thatâs all.â He waits a moment, before lifting his head again. âNot that your mother isnât, of course.â
You chuckle, nodding. âMy mother would have a heart attack. At least Iâm really working as a waitress, now.â
Jaebum coughs, moving on the mattress so he can finally reach your level before grabbing your leg to circle it around his naked waist. âSpeaking of which, are you sure you want to work as a waitress?â
He has that tone you only hear when something upsets him. Jaebum barely gets mad and even if he does, it starts slowly, like a warning before the actual storm.
But as he nudges you to press his face against your neck, he sighs. âIâm worried about people recognising you and annoying you.â
âBabe I was a porn actress, not Angelina Jolie.â You try to mock him but he doesnât buy your shit and tightens his hold instead.
âItâs worse. They might think youâre easy or some shit like that.â His hand goes to your side to tickle you and you giggle, leg kicking his butt. âIâll have to come and check on you every night.â He sounds so dramatic, but his smile canât be missed. âIâll be careful.â
âYou could be my secretary instead. That way, we can live a real-life porn. âHot secretary fucks angry boss in his officeâ.â Jaebum laughs when you make a funny face, yet goes back on serious mode, arm tightening your leg around him and itâs starting to be too pleasing to focus on whatever he is saying.
You sigh when he rolls his hips, his flesh rubbing against you. âSeriously though, Iâm not fond of this ideaâŚâ he trails off, voice laced with a craving you could never get enough of.
You canât help but whimper, lips parting as you shift toward his chest and breast finding shelter against his broad body. âI never pegged you as the possessive type,â you reach for his neck, bringing him closer until his breath fans your face, hurried. âYou didnât seem to care until I ended my contract with my agency.â
Jaebum hums, the probability of a serious conversation out the window if his growing erection is anything to go by. He rolls his eyes, âPorn is porn, nightlife is different.â His position changes just enough for him to lean and still a short kiss. âNow that weâre both out of this, I donât plan on sharing you, rookie.â
You tap his shoulder lightly, the sound of your hand slapping his skin stronger than the actual damage it caused. âStop calling me rookie!â
Your boyfriend choses to stay silent, leaving you expectant as he pushes you onto your back. âAnyways, donât get mad at me for being petty about you being molested in a bar in the middle of the night.â Before you can protest he plunges, aiming for your collarbone which he attacks vividly. His teeth graze upon the hidden bone, drawing shivers and goose bumps all over your body. He snickers in the middle of silence. âIâll have to beat up the pervs.â
You wriggle against the sheets, laughter mixed with pleasure as he darts his tongue to trail a path down your chest. âSo virileâŚâ you sigh, earning a hidden shrug from a busy Jaebum.
âYeah?â He smooches your warm skin, liking how unforgiving he sounds.
Itâs cute in a way. Jaebum never had to show anything but acceptance toward your job, considering he was still a porn actor himself. Maybe he had it harder than you thought. You understand him though; itâs not cool to greet your boyfriend when he was banging another girl the same day.
âI donât think Iâll ever have enough of you, rookieâŚâ He whispers and slides on the bed, head back on your stomach and creating messy patterns over your skin. You almost break right there, the confession unusual but not unpleasant.
Jaebum never imagined he could have such stamina. His sexual life was close to non-existent before he met you and his physical interactions were limited to the scenes he filmed in the studio. It had ruined his personal life with such ease, turning sex into a duty rather than a necessity and killing his hormones with a slow and numb burn. When he started filming with you and felt the tingling sensation again, he understood right away.
He couldnât thank you enough for sticking around and waking him up from his creepy slumber made of daddy kinks and choking in front of cameras. Thanks to you he built up the courage to start his project and stop his career, turning him into more than a guy who has sex for money. He is such a bad actor anyways.
DVDs and CDs are neat into your shared apartment, like a silent memory of something none of you regret doing. Yet it doesnât mean he will ever miss it.
You forget about whatever names he called you when he reaches your pubis, mouth watering and dropping tiny patches of saliva over the heated flesh.
You almost knock your head against the wall when the first lick falls. Itâs insistent and slow, devastating in the sea of your needs as Jaebum knows exactly what pace to use to make you crazy.
Itâs something you discovered with time. Jaebum is into slow and deep thrusts, soft doggie style, lazy morning sex and itâs a mixture of finesse and bestiality, along with loving words. He is comfortable for he isnât disturbed by nudity, can say whatever he wants without sounding creepy and barely has any requirements when it comes to sex.
He welcomes all your faults and imperfections the same way you do and none of you bother with petty fights, the words too heavy to question a future you both want. Jaebum has that honesty which leaves little room for misunderstanding. He confessed the same night he brought you to his flat yet didnât force anything on you.
And you love him just that way.
You gasp when he grabs your ankles and bends your legs, nestling them on either side of your body to reveal more of you. He barely goes wild and you suspect he is trying to prove a point but your brain shuts down when his tongue probes at your opening, teasing just enough to collect wetness and smear it over your folds. You glance down to peek at the beautiful scene but Jaebum is already looking at you, pleased by your bewildered face and flustered cheeks.
He dips down a second time, eyes darkening and tongue out to lap every engorged part of your pussy. He stops just long enough to show you how he licks his lips and goes down again, head shaking from right to left and making you roll your pelvis against his restless mouth.
You still gather yourself to make fun of him. âAre weâŚfilmingâŚagainâŚ?â Itâs hard to speak between moans yet your voice is loud and clear, breathless. Jaebum doesnât like your teasing and attacks you even harder, the hint of a smirk hardly hidden behind his brown locks. He even hums teasingly, the vibration of his deep sounds shaking your flesh.⨠He doesnât slow down even when your orgasm hits. You jerk away from his mouth, moaning and grunting but he keeps you in place until you can only shake. It burns your body from every pore, mixing with your blood like a shot of strong alcohol and making your vision blind with pleasure. You complain and beg for him to stop and he only releases you when you freeze from the overstimulation, unable to function anymore.
You shake your head, a false accusation painting your exhausted features as you glance at a smiling Jaebum whose hand is wiping the remains of your climax from his smiling and reddish lips⨠Your legs fall, lifeless on the bed but you canât let him suffer. His penis is hard and threatening, the bulbous head a deep shade of red and length swollen by the numerous veins.
He pumps himself slowly, tilting his head to the side. He raises one eyebrow. âYou okay?â he rasps.
You nod, deciding to play along with his celebration sex and rolling on your stomach. You raise your butt just enough for him to grab it and rub himself between your asscheeks, grunting.
âYouâre so beautifulâŚâ He whispers, free hand running along your curves and stopping by your drenched pussy to play with your clit. âSo damn beautifulâŚâ
He penetrates you slowly, his willpower winning the inner battle of his arousal against his brain. You breathe out, searching for air and dipping your head into the pillow.
âCome here.â
Jaebum commands, already reaching for your body so you can lean against him. He sticks your bodies and starts moving his hips, penis sliding deep inside you.
He finds a good pace right away, from the tip of his dick poking out to the base hitting your asscheeks, Jaebum knows how to burry himself inside you. It feels amazing, the pressure from the position and your needy moans lulling him toward an orgasm he can call his own private pleasure.
He is infatuated the way you mould with him. He loves pinching the tender skin of your nipple as his hand cups your perfect breast, he enjoys the way your head finds its home into the crook of his neck and he canât stop himself from tilting your head steal numerous kisses.
You open your mouth eagerly, tongue out to play against his own in a carnivorous embrace. He bites and sucks on your lips, his sighs spilling from his parted lips whenever the tip of his cock hits a specific spot inside you.
You arch until your back hurts, looking for more stimulation and nearing your second orgasm. Jaebum is struggling, you can feel it from the way his abs tense behind you. He is all stiff, all ready to fill you up yet not giving in.
You know his body language by heart.
You collapse against him when a second wave of pleasure hits you. It breaks your bones and destroys your muscles, leaving your lifeless against a panting Jaebum who can only suffer from the contractions around him. The waves of pleasure hit you as much as they hit him, sending you both into another universe.
He allows himself to cum right when youâre done and he is satisfied with the pleasure he gave you. Youâre nothing but a dead weight against his chest, eyes closed and smile smug as you giggle to yourself because your brain is messed up and you canât think straight.
You still wonder how can someone be so skilled at sex.
Jaebum lets you rest on the bed, not the least bothered by the mess he creates when he pulls out of you.
Instead he wraps you around him again, hugging you close and kissing your nose.
âThis is what I call a celebration, rookie. Who needs Erotica when I have you all to myself?â He muses, fingers rubbing against your cheekbones while he pecks you once more.
You giggle, head shaking at this boyâs antics. He can be such a dork.
âThe pleasure is mutual.â
AN : Erotica is officially over! Thank you all so much for following this series (I see you, naughty readers). Iâm sad that itâs over and Iâm going to miss Porn actor Jaebum but Priest Jinyoung is waiting for me so Iâm off to new adventures ! Thank you for the support and love you sent me through this series, I love yall!
#Jaebeom#jaebum#im jaebum#im jaebeom#im jaeboem#got7 jaebum#jaebum got7#im jaebum got7#jaebum x reader#why do I even tag this#lol enjoy#thx again for reading!#jaebum au#jaebum smut
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Auditory Affliction
@ironstrangebingo square:Â Carol Danvers
@metalandfood prompt:Â from the tumblr prompt: Imagine Stephenâs phone going off a la Irene Adler style during inappropriate moments but itâs Tonyâs voice that always comes out. The notification sound always changes from soft moans to a breathless, âStephenâ
AO3 link
Summary: Carol must put a stop to these inappropriate interruptions during avengers meetings.
Or
5 times Stephenâs phone goes off and one time it does not.
The first time it happens, there is silence. Â Stephen pinches the bridge of his nose and pulls his phone from his robes with a put-upon sigh.
After a few taps on the screen of his hours-new personalized StarkPhone, Stephen looks up to see all of the gathered Avengerâs staring at him.
âSo weâre just going to act like we didnât hear Tony moan your name?â Â Clint asks with a smirk, his tone implying something rude.
Stephenâs jaw tightens a fraction and he swallows the urge to portal him somewhere unpleasant. Â He ignores the irritating archer and says, âFRIDAY, please let Tony know that I do not find his antics amusing.â
âWill do, Doc,â comes the reply in an amused tone, suggesting that boss would ignore the sentiment completely.
Apparently being crafted to adapt to the limitations of his trembling hands were not the only thing Tony had customized on the device.
The silence from the other members of the team stretches into something uncomfortable.
âWhat?!â Â Stephen asks defensively. Â âItâs not like I recorded it!â
Sam snorts âSuuuure.â under his breath. Â Clint snickers in response, while Steve doesnât seem to be sure how to react to the whole situation.
Stephen rolls his eyes so far back into his head he fears they might get stuck. Â âIâll be sure to mention how inappropriate this is next time I see Anthony. Â Iâm sure heâll agree and immediately do as requested to save me further irritation, knowing how much he enjoys decorum.â Â Stephen says, his sarcasm heavy.
Carol clears her voice to prevent further comments on Stephenâs unfortunate ringtone. Â âIf we could get back to matters at hand?â Â she asks as she turns her attention back to the projection at the front of the room.
The meeting begins to drone on as it had before.
*Ooooh, Stephen!*
Stephen resists the urge to bang his head on to the table, having already been the recipient of enough stares today. Â Stephen opens a small portal and throws the phone through it.
âYou were saying?â Â He asks with a frazzled smile pulling at his face.
---
Remembering that Tony is not only an Avenger, but also the world's foremost genius inventor is surprisingly difficult for Stephen. Â As such, whenever Tonyâs presence is required for presentations, conferences and the like, Stephen tends to sulk.
Tony has been gone for 2 days now and Stephen is not happy about it. Â Wong has finally gotten tired of his moping around the Sanctum and has banished him until he can âget off his sorry ass and act like an adult, not a wounded puppy.â
Stephen finds himself wandering the halls of the compound aimlessly. Â After a minute, his wandering is no longer aimless as he smells something tasty coming from the direction that he is now headed in.
Approaching the communal kitchen area, Stephen notices Carol, Rhodes, Sam, Scott, and Bruce in various stages of cooking and setting the table.
âStrange! I didnât know you were here.â says Sam while grabbing two pitchers of what appears to be pink lemonade from the refrigerator. Â âAre you staying for dinner?â
Stephen nods his assent, hoping that social interaction will cause the time until Tonyâs return to go back just a bit faster. Â âWhat can I do to help?â He asks moving further into the room.
âEverything is pretty much finished, just waiting on the pasta for another minute or so. Â Make yourself comfortable.â Bruce stirs the pan of sauce that contains the source of the enticing scent. Â Stephen can identify spinach and other assorted vegetables simmering in a thick red sauce.
He doesnât realize how hungry he is, and floats an extra place setting to the table.
The food is delicious and Stephen finds himself glad that he stayed for dinner. Â The wine and camaraderie is just the thing to drag Stephen from his funk.
âAnd then Telos said, âIâm not going to tell you again, man, itâs a fucking Flerken!ââ Carol finishes, to the laughter of the group. Â She takes a sip of wine and continues, âGoose then thought it was the perfect time to eat the box in question, surprising the hell out of Rastur. Â Iâve never seen someone faint so fast.â
Stephen lets out another chuckle as he refills his glass. Â He is seriously contemplating stealing another slice of pound cake when a long, loud, breathy moan emanates from his pocket.
This time Stephen does let his head hit the table. Â âFucking Tony.â
Scott canât help but giggle. Â âYeah, thatâs what it sounds like, man.â
Stephen shoots him a glare. Â âHar har, Tiny Tim.â
Carol just sighs in resignation âHeâll never change it will he?â
Rhodes laughs softly, âProbably not. Â Not when everyone keeps getting all stuffy bout it. Â Rogersâ responses alone practically guarantee that itâs permanent.â
Carol just shakes her head in disapproval. Â âItâs unprofessional.â
âItâs Tony.â Rhodey replies with a shrug. Â âHe does what he does when he wants to do it.â
Stephen looks up from his response to the intruding message. Â âItâs one of the joys of his life to cause as much trouble as possible.â Â Two more indecent cries follow.
âI-uh feel like weâre interrupting a private moment.â Sam says as he hurriedly reaches for the wine. Â Bruce motions for him to pass it down when he finishes, Sam complies.
âIf only. Â Wong is regaling me with the tale of the newest novice to accidentally stick themselves in another dimension.â Â Stephen says absentmindedly, putting the phone back in his pocket.
âWait a minute, youâre telling me thatâs not even Stark?â Scott asks bursting into giggles again. Â âIt does that for everybody?â
âYup.â Stephen replies, lips popping on the P.
âFucking Tony.â Says an amused Bruce.
âFucking Tony.â Stephen agrees.
---
Steve Rogers and his merry band of pardoned rogues enter the common room as Stephen is meditating.
They pause momentarily, debating whether or not interrupting Stephen is the wisest course of action, but Clint rolls his eyes at his teammates and continues into the room.
âItâs my turn to pick the movie and I am not letting you dipsticks put me off again!â
Natasha rolls her eyes fondly and heads to one of the couches, curling on one side as Sam and Bucky bicker over who gets the other prime viewing spot on the couch. Â âYou always pick the shittest movies, Clint. Â Donât try to deny it.â
They settle in to various positions while Clint fiddles with the Blu Ray player.
The title screen for Sharknado: The Fourth Awakens appears on the television and a chorus of groans rings out, Natashaâs the loudest of the lot.
âReally, Barton? Â Why do you hate us?â Â Sam gripes as he decides that in order to sit through this, beer and popcorn are needed. Â He gets up and heads to the kitchen to collect the snacks.
Clint replies with a smirk, âThis is cinematic excellence, you heathens.â
âWhat exactly is a âsharknadoâ?â Bucky asks, dreading the answer. Â âTell me it isnât exactly what it sounds like.â
âBut it is exactly what it sounds like. Â Thatâs the beauty of it!â Clint looks absolutely gleeful.
Steve and Bucky look at each other, each wondering why this even exists and why someone thinks that four of them are necessary.
As they munch on popcorn and pick apart the absurd stupidity of the film, they forget the sorcererâs presence in the room altogether. Â When they find out that April is actually alive, but mostly machine (several jokes are thrown Buckyâs way) and that she seems to be part human, part iPhone they are startled by a powerful cry of Stephenâs name drawn out in the most salacious tone yet.
Stephen is jerked from his meditating with a curse and would have fallen to the ground if not for the Cloak of Levitation keeping him off the floor.
He opens his eyes to the blush of Steve Rogers and smirks and leers from the rest of the ex-rogues.
âMay I help you?â Â Stephens asks, one eyebrow raised.
âSounds like you get enough âhelpâ as is!â crows Bucky trying unsuccessfully to hold back laughter.
Various sounds of amused agreement from Sam, Clint and Scott follow the statement. Â The phone moans again, omitting Stephenâs name this time. Â Steveâs face is almost completely red when he manages to tear his gaze away from Stephenâs amused one.
âWhy? Â Why would Tony do that? Â That is not for everyone to hear!â Rogers looks ready to combust from embarrassment.
Flying sharks dance across the screen in the background completely forgotten as Stephen tries not to crack a smile at Steveâs obvious discomfort.
âI think he was trying to embarrass me. Â He wasnât aware that it was an exercise in futility, but your reactions do give him some small measure of satisfaction.â Â Stephen gets to his feet carefully and stretches.
Steve is still blushing and Clint is throwing popcorn at him chuckling.
âIn any case, Everything Iâve tried to change or silence it has ended in failure, so I have to hope that heâll get tired of everyoneâs reactions and give it a rest. Â Eventually.â Â With that, Stephen opens a portal and steps through to the Sanctum.
âI just donât understand it.â Â Steve groans as he closes his eyes and thumps back against the couch, hitting Buckyâs leg.
âWell Stevie, when a boy and a boy love each other very much-â Bucky begins.
âAnd one of them is a shameless slut!â Clint interrupts, tossing more popcorn, this time into his own mouth. Â Bucky collapses into laughter unable to finish his lesson on the bees and the bees.
Steve drops his face into his hands and wishes the floor would swallow him whole. Â âI hate you guys.â
---
Stephen is still unsure how exactly theyâve ended up at this point.
Somehow during a routine training exercise (in which Clint is not a part of, yet is there for), Steve Rogers acquires two serrated arrows. Â Said arrows are sticking out of the affectionately dubbed âAmericaâs Ass.â Â At Stephenâs gesture, the Cloak of Levitation lifts him with as little movement as possible and floats him quickly to the medbay.
Stephen opens a portal to Metro General in search of Christine. Â After he locates her, they step through to the medbay and she appears to be just as baffled as he is.
âWhy do you people even have an archer? Â What is the actual point?â Â She mutters to herself as she slides her hands into a pair of latex gloves. Â
Stephen finds it difficult to find a positive answer to her question. Â He floats several instruments and supplies over to the cart next to the bare-bottomed, Captain America. Â Steveâs teeth are gritted and his fists clenched in discomfort.
Bucky is standing at the head of the gurney trying pathetically to rein in the snickers at the sight Steve makes.
âAs you can see, the arrowheads are serrated, so yanking them out would not be ideal. Â I came straight to get you, so I havenât determined whether or not theyâve lodged into any bone matter.â Â Strange offers his observations as the cloak floats back to settle on his shoulders.
Christine approaches the gurney containing the super soldier. Â âCaptain? Â Iâm going to have to get a quick X-Ray to make sure the tip isnât lodged in your ilium or sacrum, can you hold tight for me while I check?â Â Stephen is already pushing the XRay machine over to her. Â She aims the beam and takes 2 images. Â Seconds later, the images are displayed as a hologram above the XRay machine.
âGood news, Captain, No tips lodged anywhere. Â That will make extraction much simpler.â Â Christine smiles at him.
The doors open and Carol steps into the medbay with a stern look on her face. Â She catches the gaze of both Stephen and Bucky and quirks an eyebrow. Â âI am not happy to reset the critical incident counter in the training area again, gentleman. Â Why exactly am I unhappy this time?â
Bucky ducks his head and swallows his laughter while Stephen just shrugs and replies, âBarton felt left out, I guess.â
Christine is dabbing the punctured area of Rogersâ backside with betadine, concentrating on the task at hand. Â She picks up the forceps and places a hand on Steveâs lower back. Â âThis may pinch a bit, Captain.â Â Steve lets out a breath. Â âIâm going to remove the tips now.â
Steve grunts in response and a fist shoots out to grab Buckyâs forearm. Â Bucky looks down at Steve and his gaze softens a bit at the discomfort on his face. Â âJust a tick, Punk, the Doc will have you good as new.â
Christine maneuvers the forceps into position and is able to get the first arrow out with little more than a grimace from Steve. Â She places the arrow on the cart and turns to the second arrow, inserting the forceps into the puncture gently.
*Oh Yesssss Stephen!*
Christine jerks at the sound, causing the arrow to tear into Steveâ glutes. Â Steveâs grip on Buckyâs arm veers into painful territory. Â Barnes and Rogers both cry out simultaneously.
âGODDAMMIT, TONY!â Â Steve shouts, face colouring in pain and mortification.
Stephen fights with every molecule in his body, but is unable to stop the âLanguage!â admonishment from leaving his lips.
Every single person in the medbay levels a glare at the sorcerer who raises his hands in a gesture of contrition. Â He is only moderately certain that his smirk is no longer on his face.
---
Stephen is hard-pressed to admit it, but he absolutely loves spending time with Peter. Â He knows that he still isnât quite as close to him as Tony is, but Stephen has grown fond of the Spiderling.
They are in Tonyâs lab, Peter doing his homework and Stephen analysing the molecular structure of a relic discovered by the master of the newly rebuilt London sanctum. Â Once stephen is assured that it is in fact magical and not some alien detritus, he joins Peter at the workbench.
They quickly fall into a discussion on microbiology  when a filthy moan stretches out for much longer than necessary.
Stephen whips his head to his pocket before hearing the sound of a pen hitting the metal worktop. Â Strange turns back toward Peter, scandalized. Â Peterâs face turns bright red and he looks as if he has no idea how to respond to the noise that just came from Stephenâs direction.
âUh, Mr. Doctor? Â Is everything alright?â
Stephen exhales slowly, counting to ten before retrieving his phone and glaring at it. Â No matter how hard Stephen has tried, there is no changing or silencing the embarrassing notifications. Â Tony refuses to do it himself and while Stephen initially found it irritating at worst and amusing at best, Peter is now being subjected to Tonyâs ridiculousness. Â
âHow upset would you be if I murdered Tony? Â Scale of Lang to Banner.â Â Stephen asks mildly, rubbing at his temples.
Peter doesnât seem to have heard the question.  His gaze is set resolutely forward, avoiding Stephenâs eyes.  After hearing his pseudo father like thatâŚwell, Peter needs brain bleach. âErgâŚI just. Canât.â
Unfortunately, Carol chooses this moment to enter the lab. Â She frowns at the look on Peterâs face and opens her mouth, no doubt to ask him the matter.
Stephenâs phone picks that same moment to literally scream his name. Â Everyone in the room is struck by a powerful urge to be somewhere else.
âStrange! Â This has to stop immediately!â Carol barks as she throws her hands in the air.
Peter hurriedly throws his work in his backpack and flees the lab muttering under his breath about therapy and neuralizers. Â Stephen experiences a wave of disappointment at his time with his Spider child being cut short. Â Stephen feels the first twitch of serious ire at Tonyâs foolishness. Â âMajor Danvers, I assure you I will speak with Tony about this idiotic phone.â
âSee that you do, Strange. Â Peter is going to be confounded for days.â Â Try as she might, Carol canât help but feel the tiniest bit amused at the expression on his face as the boy bolted. Â She turns on her heel and exits as Stephen opens a portal to the penthouse.
---
Carol steels her resolve as she heads down the hallway towards Tonyâs office.  These interruptions and interjections cannot be allowed to continue.  Amongst the Avengers itâs an annoyance, but now Peter is being harrassed  and Carol must take action.  She knows that Dr. Strange has nothing to do with it, that Tony is the one behind the many disruptions, so Tony is who sheâs going to dress down.  She reaches his office door and turns the knob.
âTony, we need to-â
Carol freezes.
Tony is spread over his desk on his back with his shirt ripped open, head hanging down so she can see the blush on his cheeks. Â His eyes are screwed shut and he is huffing out little breaths. Â Heâs covered in a light sheen of sweat and he looks utterly wrecked. Â Strange jerks from the other side of the desk, his hands gripping Tonyâs hips tightly, eyes closed in concentration or ecstacy, Carol canât quite tell nor does she want to.
Carol has never appreciated the necessity of knocking as much as she does in this moment.
A loud cry interrupts her mortification and she turns and flees, not remembering whether or not she closed the door behind her.
She nearly collides with Rhodey a few meters down the hall, still bright red.
âMmm, Stephen!â
Rhodey frowns. Â âTony still wonât change Strangeâs ringtone?â
Carol manages to flush even deeper and squeaks âS-Something like that!â Â She speeds down the hall away from Rhodey, who shakes his head in exasperation and continues in the opposite direction.
He reaches the cracked door of Tonyâs office and pushes the door open, about to scold Tony Stank for embarrassing Stephen and ignoring Carol. Â The door is abruptly jerked closed and Rhodey quickly heads in the direction Carol went muttering curses at Tony Stank.
Back in his office, Tony and Stephen have not slowed down in the slightest. Â Tony is gripping the edge of desk for dear life while Stephen rails into him. Â Tony is past the point of caring about keeping quiet and lets out a low stream of curses scattered with the sorcererâs name.
Stephen groans and shifts his hips slightly finding Tonyâs hot spot. Â Tony throws his head back hard enough to hit the desk. Â Stephen moves a hand from Tonyâs hip to grasp his erection, rubbing his thumb along the slit. Â Three twisting strokes later, Tony is undone. Â His legs tighten around Stephenâs waist and he comes with a loud cry covering his stomach and chest with his seed. Â Stephen is not far behind him, coming with a strangled cry, eyes popping open to look at Tony.
Stephen drops forward onto Tonyâs chest, huffing at the feel of Tonyâs spend on his exposed skin. Â Tony brings his head up and tangles his fingers in Stephenâs hair.
Stephen pulls Tony off the desk and falls backwards into Tonyâs chair, ending up with a lapful of sated mechanic.
âThey still giving you shit about your phone?â Â Tony asks with a sly grin.
Stephen rolls his eyes and kisses Tony to shut him up. Â The genius knows perfectly well how the Avengers feel as Tony gleefully has FRIDAY send him the more amusing reactions.
âAt least theyâll just think itâs your phone when we sneak off in here.â Tony quips.
âI hate to disappoint you babe, but both Carol and James barged in here not 10 minutes ago. Â I think weâve scarred them.â Stephen nuzzles into Tonyâs neck breathing in his scent.
Tony shrugs, âWell, thatâs one way to guarantee knocking in the future.â
Soon after there are no more lascivious interruptions from Stephenâs phone.  Tonyâs office door also now sports an unnecessarily large  âKnock, please!â sign in hot-rod red.  It doesnât seem to be necessary as no one approaches that hallway anymore unless it is absolutely vital.
#ironstrange#strangeiron#supremefamily#stephen strange#ironstrange bingo#Winebuzzfics#5+1 fic#Tony is a little shit#ironmagic
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On Writing and Reading in Fandom
Earlier this week, I received a couple of asks about Baghdad Waltz that were, Â frankly, quite rude. Iâve taken them - and my responses - down because I donât think the conversation was ultimately productive. I have also undone edits that I felt compelled to make to assuage peopleâs anxiety about the story and characters. These asks and my responses made me think about how readily I defended my words and choices and apologized for things that Iâm not sure I needed to apologize for. Iâve thought a bit about this based on my own experience and the input from some of you offline, and wanted to make a few remarks.
1. Fic writing is a hobby. Maybe itâs a serious hobby, but itâs a hobby nonetheless. People who write fic work. They go to school. Many have families. Children. Sometimes they juggle all of these things and more. Oftentimes, they write in stolen minutes and seconds on their cell phones while feeding babies or on breaks at work or while cooking/burning dinner. I take my hobby a bit too seriously, but this is something we do for free in what little free time we have. And in addition â
2. This is supposed to be fun. Period. Yes, there is suffering. Sometimes there is incredible suffering. But at the end of the day, itâs supposed to be something that is satisfying for the writer. Which brings me to â
3. We donât owe you anything. This is not intended to sound dick - itâs really, really not. Itâs just the truth. We are sharing the stories we enjoy writing because we think you might also enjoy them. We can craft them however we choose. We can change our minds. Sometimes stories unexpectedly evolve, because thatâs the nature of character-driven fiction. Personally, I make most of my story decisions based on what I think would actually happen to my characters in the cold, real world. Itâs not always what I want to write, but I do it anyway because I believe their psychological makeup, history, and circumstances demand it.
You might not like it or agree with our choices, and you are either onboard for what we choose to write or you are not. Itâs okay if youâre not. There is something for everyone in fandom. If you are not onboard for a particular authorâs work, you have some choices â you can choose not to read more and go find something else, or you stop reading and also get mad and write rude comments. I think you know which one we would prefer, because itâs undoubtedly the one you would prefer if you were sharing your work. Which leads me toâ
4. Writing is a profound expression of vulnerability. Yeah, this is a hobby. But itâs also not just bullshit for us. Writing is deeply personal. You think a fic is personal for you as a reader? That may be, and we love when readers connect strongly with our fics. But these stories literally come out of us. They are an extension of us. The characters, relationship dynamics, and plots we painstakingly (and I mean PAINSTAKINGLY) craft, the emotions we explore, they are deeply, deeply personal to us. This is us putting our insides out into the world on the off chance that someone else might also get something out of experiencing them. So when people make shitty remarks about our stories or accuse us of being manipulators/liars who make creative choices for some secondary gain like reads or kudos, this is both hurtful and wildly off the mark.
5. Tumblr is supposed to be fun. Many writers come here to have enjoyable and thought-provoking interactions with readers who want the same. Please donât drop bags of shit in our inbox. It makes us not want to come back. Most of us appreciate honest and challenging questions and comments, and it doesnât take much effort to just be polite.
All that said, my fic is one of the most important things in my life. I think about it more than I think about anything else. Itâs the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind as I fall asleep. It completely consumes the hours of my commute. I drift to it inevitably during every single staff meeting and training and class. I spend hours upon hours discussing it with by long-suffering beta, @pitchforkcentral86. I calculated that I have spent - at a bare minimum - 1,350 hours on BW since I started researching and outlining it in 2016. I have dumped my fucking soul into this story, and I am not being hyperbolic.
Iâm honestly not looking for any âattaboysâ; the overwhelming majority of you are already shockingly, beautifully generous with your praise and support and messages telling me how much you connect to my stories and characters, and I really do love you for this. Iâm merely trying to convey the immense amount of emotional commitment and time and plain-ass work that people put into fics.
So I implore readers to not shit on writers when they donât give you exactly what you want in the stories they are choosing to share with you. The thing you want may be plot or character-related stuff, or it may be comfort regarding the future of a fic. I do, however, warmly welcome you to shit on my characters for behaving in ways you donât like. Get angry at them. Criticize their motives and behaviors. Thatâs all fair game, as far as Iâm concerned. Ad hominem attacks on the writer for fucking with your OTP or whatever other sin you believe theyâve committed, however, is not appropriate.
For those of you with difficulties tolerating the ambiguity and uncertainty with BW, I get it. I really do. This is a very difficult story with huge emotional and relationship stakes. I get your anxiety around the ending in particular, because after so much suffering, we just want everything to be okay.
However, from here forward, I will not be answering any more asks, messages, or comments about future plot points. This includes whether there will be a happy ending, whether Steve and Bucky will end up together, etc, etc. Iâll address issues about content warnings etc., but only enough to say that people will be warned if anything super triggering is addressed in future chapters.
Focusing so much on outcomes diminishes the journey of these characters, and Iâm choosing not to say anything more about their future so that you can live in their present reality with them. That is unpleasant, I know. But itâs where we are all at right now.
I am very happy to answer many other types of questions and comments about the fic, so long as they are about present, past, hypothetical, character, or meta stuff and they donât involve revealing future plot (or historical information that will be revealed later). I will, however, immediately delete any asks that are rude or otherwise disrespectful.
Thanks again to those of you who have offered support and encouragement along the way. Iâm especially moved by those of you who have let me know how much the fic has impacted you personally. It means so much to me to know that, and you know Iâm right there with you <3
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