#but yeah just posting bc i found this in my discussions in a discord server so im sharing for if anyone else finds it interesting

[blortch]

Talking about sicko-sleuthing archived forums, there's this site called DeadLetterReader to flip through a couple of their old RLM forum posts making announcements and discussing videos (I forgot ENTIRELY how I found this). I think it might've been even made By them as Jay mentions having been fiddling with wordpress working on the site. redletterjay is Jay, redlettermike is Mike, and Rich is RedLetterRich As well as CSunkyst btw, named after one of their Oranges characters Captain Sunkyst.

[blazefirefox]

yeah long post but read through it trust me

Something I've kinda wanted to talk about for the last month is my thoughts on the general doai timeline. I was rewatching volume 0 and realized that I kinda had the events in my head out of order, and then overthought stuff, etc. ect. But I just want to put my thoughts somewhere and hopefully discuss it with other people. The first thing I want to talk about is the Haunted Halloween PSA. When looking at the chapters of the vol 0 video, it said that the PSA took place in 1993, which was a lot later than I thought. This means that Mortimer couldn't have been veldigunified until after 1993, or at least not fully transformed, the process could've started before that. The important thing to note is that Mortimer was stable enough to make a whole PSA, but maybe his veldigunification is what causes the PSA to fall apart in vol 0 (unless Clyde causes that itself idk). So I suppose something to keep in mind from now on, but whatever happens, Alex would most likely be turned into a veldigun before Mortimer, in the sense of AUs, unless they survive much much longer than they would've in vol 1. The next thing I want to talk about is what's keeping me up at night the most lol. We know that the Lankmann Foundation was established in 1990, which is when we can assume volume 1 also takes place. In the video introducing this, toon lankmann specifies that the event of the children disappearing was 4 years ago, solidifying what we already know, Clyde first became active in 1986. However, we learn that patient 66 calls the police in April of 1990, and this most likely happens after the introduction video to the foundation was released because she's probably using their phone number. This would mean the rest of volume 1 would take place mid 1990, possibly early 1991 if we're being generous. The thing that gets me though is that if patient 66 was taken in April of 1990, why would they say that the halloween incident happened 4 years ago if the foundation's opening was nowhere near halloween of 1990? The absolute earliest the Lankmann foundation would've been founded was January of 1990, if they want to say 4 years strictly because of the year numbers, but they'd still be closer to halloween 1989 anyways. This is probably just an oversight and im looking too much into it, but eh. still something to think about. Another thing is Winfrey. When I watched volume 1, I kinda just assumed they captured winfrey between 1986 and 1990 because Clyde was starting to become more active bc im stupid ig. But I guess the option that makes more sense is that clyde started hunting because winfrey was kidnapped, so before 1986. idk if that was confirmed or widely accepted, so I just want to check. Last thing is just a weird semi-headcannon, but the lankmann foundation was probably doing stuff before they officially became known to the public in 1990, so yeah. also I don't really know where to put this, but I'm gonna say that the Caretakers are robots/animatronics of some kind, mostly bc that was my first instinct when I saw them, and the sounds they produce make me raise an eyebrow. I have heard some people say that they were veldigun victims, which would be cool too.

Yeah, I just wanted to make some observations known, and maybe someone in the doai sitcom/pastra discord server could look over stuff and share this there, in case anyone had anyting to say about it. alright questions are appreciated bye

[in-a-continuous-daydream]

I made a whole theory based on this post and under the idea that maybe there were many Queens in White not just Webby.

Again, credits to everyone in the discord server I discussed this with, most of these theories are a group effort: @astrolotte @child-of-peace @sweetyeojinnie @halfwaytoqueens

So here’s the headcanon/theory.

Every LiB has their QiW counterpart, Webby being Wiggly’s QiW. This is because maybe, when every QiW was alive, there was balance in Hatchetfield and in the Black and White in the Hatchetfield timeline this was at the very begging, since when it was founded Wiggly was ruling and already the LiB where in charge.

So, reasons as to why Webby is Wiggly’s counterpart, in the post I referenced we believed that Webby and Wiggly are twins, just for funsies, also, their names are similar and start with the same letter! So in this theory, every QiW has a name similar to their LiB counterpart.

So, here’s the question, if there were other Queens in White and they are dead (presumably because the LiB killed them), why is Webby still alive?? Like, apparently she escaped but my thing is if Wiggly, -the LEADER of the LiB, the god of wanting itself, the one who states that he gets what he wants.- wanted Webby dead, why is she still alive and well??? The answer is: Wiggly doesn’t want Webby dead, idk exactly why.

Okay so, bare with me, in the post in which we state the order of the LiB, I said that my headcanon is that Pokey is the second eldest, and he is bitter about it, like absolutely MAD about it. And he’s so angry about it, he believes HE is the one that should lead the LiB. So Wiggly doesn’t precisely want to kill the QiW, but Pokotho doesn’t mind and he believes they absolutely should. So what if Pokey was the one who came up with that plan, unbeknownst to Wiggly. Pokey is not only very persuasive, but he is also the second oldest, so he would have weight within the LiB. And the others? Well the others don’t give a shit, Nibbly just wants to eat one, Blinky is excited to watch this and Tinky would have so much fun with that!! So Pokey convinces them to kill their sisters, but they leave Webby for last because, just like Wiggly is the most powerful of them, Webby would be the most powerful of the QiW.

But Wiggly is ENRAGED when he finds out about this!! It’s not what he wanted nor what he planned!!

So he stops them when he finds out, and maybe doesn’t let them do much for like a century lol. But this is why Webby is still alive, and they never talk about the fact that Wiggly basically saved her. Webby was never able to forgive them, obviously, and is always trying to fight them on her own, but she can’t stop them since it’s 5 vs 1.

But yeah, that’s it, it all came from the fact that Webby is still alive and I don’t think Wiggly would allow that if he wanted her dead. They could all just team up against her and i don’t think she could win against that, but they don’t, because it’s not what Wiggly wants, so why are the other Queens in White dead? Pokey made it all bc he is JEALOUS AND BITTER about Wiggly.

“Don’t frighten them Pokey, you NASTY boy” made this whole idea spawn in my head lol.

If you reached this point, please talk to me about Hatchetfield theories or headcanons that you have, I love making sense of all the lore and theorizing ❤️

[bonesandthebees]

did you at some point have an invite open to a discord server? or is that something my brain mixed up w something else? bc i would hate to lose the chance to interact with one of my fav authors like this bc it’s such a unique experience

- 💜

I technically do have a discord server that I link at the end of every fic update I write (so literally just go to whatever I most recently posted on ao3 and scroll down to the end notes), but I'm gonna be honest I barely talk in it. I sometimes pop my head into the channels specifically for discussing my fics, and I also have a qna channel you can ask me questions in and I'll answer those, but I don't casually chat in there really.

if I'm being totally honest I started the server while I was writing clinic, and as I'm sure you can imagine things got overwhelming really really fast bc of how much attention I got with that fic. the server is huge at this point with several thousand people in it, and it's grown well past me so it doesn't even really feel like mine anymore. this isn't a bad thing necessarily, I'm really glad so many people have found a community there, but yeah I'm a lot more talkative/responsive here on tumblr than I am there

[andnatiabrosca]

I posted 331 times in 2022

That's 331 more posts than 2021!

49 posts created (15%)

282 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dungeons-and-dragon-age

@notebooks-and-laptops

@merrybandofmurderers

@bearsizedant

@thebimbobaggins

I tagged 139 of my posts in 2022

#birch speaks - 34 posts

#oc: natia brosca - 23 posts

#dao - 17 posts

#birch originals - 11 posts

#dai - 8 posts

#alistair - 7 posts

#dragon age - 7 posts

#natia 30 days - 7 posts

#da2 - 6 posts

#zevran - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#an early microsoft flight simulator? i think? i have no idea what it was called. i think it had a driving mode too. played that one a lot

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Zevran for the blorbo bingo? :]

aalkdjfsljs THANK YOU

(I'm gonna ramble a second, sorry: I just submitted a research proposal draft that was Terrible bc the prof clearly HATED my selection so I just did brief (250 word) proposals on 4 different topics and he gets to pick which, because crying over it is Not It, so ask to love on Zev is. 'Preciated!!!!)

(Also, today/tomorrow is my birthday [due to scheduling error, birthday is two days this year] so. not a good look on the birthday)

Okay: Completed, properly for once:

(I found a new pen I like for text on Krita so I've been using it on everything sue me)

Brief discussion:

He's feral and eats trash and is a bastard (affectionate). Of course. He's like my cat, Pirate Bastard.

Every character I like is now autistic. His SpIn is social interaction. Because it was useful. His secondary SpIn is probably leather tanning, but he hasn't had a good chance for it.

If someone says Zev doesn't need therapy, they need therapy. Likewise, Angst out the door; I relate to him TOO MUCH. Sorry.

I think it's funny if he's perpetually lost. I think it's funny that's all.

And yeah, chihuahua energy because he is Small and Vibrates and Nat carries him around in a purse (spiritually). I think he has Dachshund energy really, but that doesn't quite work. Small, says he's dangerous, but really he just wants to be held in front of the fire while you read a book

4 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#4

I'm going to try streaming at different times this week! I'll ping here beforehand - I'm streaming on discord so that my computer doesn't explode

come by the server if interested:

I don't know how to run a server/use bot integration so PLEASE let me know if stuff is weird, thanks!

4 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#3

Leliana for the character bingo? :]

Ended up doing this on my phone so I would Actually Do It so not the most legible lolol. (And I missed with one! It should be "I NEVER want to meet them" instead of "they've never done anything wrong"

I liked leli a whole lot the first time I played but it really has changed since. First time I played I was trying very hard to be Straight and Catholic so she was...illuminating to say the least

But frankly, while I adore her whole arc, I think it really plays best as a mirror to other arcs/as an illumination of her relationship with others & especially the chantry itself. I don't...find her particularly compelling standing alone. I think a huge part of that is her Super Religious shtick.

I generally just think of her as a contrast to Nat (Brosca) and Cassandra, actually

Basically, I am extremely queer and do love her whole thing, but she is just too earnest in her fantasy catholicism to be really important to me

5 notes - Posted August 8, 2022

#2

I keep dying trying to play the battle of denerim and it is really making it hard to finish the game TT

5 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ended up doing the ship template for Natia and her crew. my handwriting is Atrocious on tablet, I am Aware.

(Not solid on any of these. Idea from @/dungeons-and-dragon-age, unsure if they want tagged, so not doing so)

Template || picrew

7 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[eulangelo]

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling​)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ] 

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post. 

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with. 

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

out of context of course, what do you take me for? a sane person?

"they made lightning mcqueen hot"

"inch resting"

"Nix: Cars (2006) several people are typing..."

"im evaporating"

"enjoy precipitation"

"tow mater is more attractive than lightning mcqueen/hj"

"lightning mcqueen looks like he would call me a slur"

"why did I come back to a discussion regarding the attractiveness of vehicles"

"lark is the braincell of shiftblr tbh"

"you all need some grass in your life"

"me over here simping for block men and now literal cars"

"didn't nick wilde commit fraud canonically"

"i have no strong opinions on whether or not nick wilde is attractive"

"I AM AROMANTIC AND I AM NOT IMMUNE TO NICK WILDE"

"I am bisexual and I. Am not into Nick Wilde based on a simple fact he looks like he will drink all my pepsi and call me names"

"What is shiftbkr but not a bunch of simps"

"cries in Bianca Monroe"

"listen i have a folder called gayass

it is mostly pictures of kyoka jiro and virgil sanders"

"Nick Wilde x Reader where he steals your car 📷 carjacker to lovers AU 📷"

"he says "mama i like to step on keyboard""

"MY MOM JUST WALKED IN AND I HAD TO TELL HER I WAS LOOKING AT LIGHTING MC QUEEN HUMAN FANART"

"crab walks away"

""Y/N..." Nick whispered into your ear. "Your car...is a Honda Civic, right?" You looked up at Nick with a baffled expression. "Nick, my beloved? Whatever are you talking about?" "Just asking..." He said as he let you out of his embrace. "Hey, wanna see a magic trick, babe?" Your eyes sparkled. "Really, Nick? Of course!" Nick smiled. "Ok, close your eyes!" You giggled and closed your eyes, waiting for Nick to tell you to open up. Instead, you heard the loud rumble of a car starting up, and you open your eyes. Nick has stolen your car, and he has driven off into the sunset..."

"did y'all know his name used to be canonically Montgomery--he changed it to lightning mcqueen to get rid of his past"

"That is my exit number"

"cars trauma arc"

"wait do y'all know about car jesus" "as if jesus wasn't a ford focus in the bible"

"oh yall do not want to know about the trauma in my cars dr lmao"

"Dewit tau style babey make Lightning McQueen outlive everyone and stalk their reincarnations"

"Do they baptize other cars in like gasoline then"

"there is a pope car in the cars universe which means car jesus died for cars sins"

"NOT THE BOOMER MEMES"

"-lays facedown on the floor while caramelldansen plays-"

"like im serious how many of you guys endorse me falling face down on my floor" (NOT THE SAME PERSON AS PREVIOUS QUOTE)

"I will be Tall and no one can stop me"

"is a soft floor?"

"stop I thought faceplant meant like a succulent in the shape of a face instead of falling onto your noggin for a solid 10 seconds"

"Touch some grass??? What about eating grass"

"what if for every employee of the month i just printed out really horrible boomer memes"

"what ab smoking grass /j"

"Can the grassdirt smoothie be a special in the cafe"

"PLEASE IM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR REWRITINH THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE WHIKE SPEEDRUNINT MINECRAFT"

"you have to get good dirt from like the middle of a pennsylvanian forest for it to taste good though"

"I ate a four leaf clover as a kid cause i thought it would make me lucky"

"guys how do i see the mee6 leaderboard"

"I used to think i was half dragon and I ate plants out of sidewalk cracks"

"i think i punched someone"

"my parents told me to stop doing that so I looked at them and ate a flower"

"I ate grass when I was 9 bc I read warrior cats and thought I was a medicine cat ....................."

"bees are just spicy flies"

"I had a mental breakdown when I was three cause I didn’t know how to turn off a phone"

"My mom drank a bee once"

"when I was a baby I kinned ink sans."

"bro who here find the yellow hat man from curious george fine as heck 📷📷📷"

"mY LUNGSSSSSS"

"no one topping Him"

"I like em big"

"I think Moto Moto has no game like move over hunky boy I could beat you 1v1 Roblox Arsenal 📷📷📷"

"If you didnt have a crush on springtrap, jeff the killer, or Underfell/Gaster/Error sans don't talk to me /j"

"LOOK THEY'RE BOTH DILFS WITH ABS THAT WOULD FIGHT GOD"

"ZORO IS BANNED"

"Guys please help I found my old fnaf fanart from when I was 8 I'm in literal tears"

"OH NO BOT MY FIFTH GRADE HAMILTON PHASE"

"The worst attraction ive ever had has to be Sombra Overwatch"

"My family is like "save all ur art so I can sell it when you're famous" I literally could not sell this if I tried"

"screaming puppet"

"I just remembered Ive drawn overwatch/hamilton crossover fanart"

"my hermit crabs ate each other again"

"we're cannibals ????"

"having me here is a curse you have inflicted on yourselves and I for one am glad for it <3" "scitters around like a crab in anticipation"

"CARB DAY"

"WE NEED TO HAVE A WATCH OARTY"

"hey y'all ill be right back i have to throw away a crab carcass"

"if I watch cars I'm going to start laughing in the middle of it nonstop just because the word cars is funny and also cars are funny like how do you move silly little metal box with rubber circles"

"Lark asleep post catboy pitbul"

"Mwista Wowldwide! Nya!" "hermit crab 2: electric boogaloo"

"Is that why your name is chaos"

"manifest the crab power!!"

"cool dex fact: i can't read 📷"

"sighs adds to worship these entities list"

"with a knife <3"

"yeah and if he betrays me I could probably throw him across the atlantic ocean"

"give me his eyes"

"my good citizen i am a- wait no im nonbinary nvm"

"it worked on a fish idk what to tell you"

"what is gender??? Is that a board game?? If so can I be apples to apples that one's my favorite"

"CHUTES AND LADDERS"

"anyways actually my gender is Candyland"

"Oh god romes the destroyer of friendships/j"

"i am a simple gay i see math i run in the opposite direction survival instincts 101"

"math my beloathed"

"algebra makes me want to rip open a bag of swedish fish and swallow them whole"

"cackles in they're au characters and this will be very fun"

"pog !!!! me too ksajgks one of my drs is a sanders sides au"

"Is that bipper"

"tumblr sexyman"

"Good because he’ll fuck u up if u hurt a child"

"I want a wing-suit"

"looks like a bean would poison someone"

"my hermit crabs are cannibals what can i say"

"sonic the hedgehog kinnie"

"get yourself a man who is capable of the most ungodly actions but won't do them because of their morality owo"

"tell him he can steal my wallet"

"eyes"

"idk about y'all but I need blueberry sweet tea to live"

"y'know the red souls from soul eater i really want to eat those"

"but like only respectable crimes like stealing from elon musk"

"You can go cultbashing with he!"

"He acts like a flamboyant gay man, but if a flamboyant gay man was straight."

"Simp Satan 📷"

"definitely arson"

"They look like they enjoy lemon squares and other lemon desserts"

"Satan is all-powerful but he spends most of his time building honeymoon locations because he is convinced that the protag loves him"

"bc shes the reincarnation of his dead wife or something i guess"

annd here's a quote from our very own dream (@shiftingwastaken) that sums this post up:

"shiftblr but context makes it worse"

[isolctions]

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!) 

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing​ (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

[snez]

gonna go ahead and address what’s going on bc i’m being accused of being a rapist lol now. under the cut

(full size)

this accusation in and of itself would be fairly funny if not for its seriousness tbh. a couple of things: 1. nobody ‘lured’ anybody, this was a group of friends who had all known each other for years (as anybody who knew any one of us could attest to). the meetup was planned like a year in advance.  2. nobody in this group of friends was sexually involved with anybody else. that was never and still isn’t the nature of any of our friendships. (i AM now dating someone who was present for part of that meetup, but who was not present for the illness stage, for clarity’s sake.) 3. if i’m so nefarious and tricksy and evil, pretty stupid of me to ~deliberately~ get people sick right as the trip was ending and everybody was going home, yeah? if that was something within my control why wouldn’t i have done it at the start of the trip so i could (apparently) jack off over it? 4. i gotta address the biological reality of this. if i did this on purpose, how the fuck would i have procured cold viruses in order to pull this off? plus i sure as hell wouldn’t have gotten sick on purpose because i have asthma and my immune system is hot garbage and at least 50% of the time when i catch a cold it turns into bronchitis. not worth being that sick to get my sexual kicks. (also i wasn’t even the first person who got sick, so, lmao). like what even are the logistics of this scenario. you can’t get sick on command, how would i have engineered a situation in which i conveniently was sick at the exact same time people were planning to visit? i’m not like that weirdo on the forum with a 90-page thread detailing all of her doorknob-licking escapades  5. tbh, this part is just funny, but im pretty sure I WAS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE WHO SNEEZED THE ENTIRE TIME ANYBODY WAS VISITING US, LMFAOOOOOOO

(full size)

i’m pissed off that i got roped into responding to this bc of how stupid it is tbh, but again, that... literally didn’t happen. here’s a screenshot from my blog about what happened, taken at the time (link to screenshot, link to post for those of you i haven’t blocked lmao). people didn’t say anything about it while we were all here bc again, none of us have sexual relationships with each other and it felt awkward to address? we don’t discuss our own sneezing/illness/allergies with each other except in a very clinical and detached way. maybe youre trying to fuck all of your friends (if you have any, which i doubt) all the time (which i’m sure you would if you had any) but the rest of us are like. capable of having relationships with other people with the fetish that aren’t inherently sexually charged. you’re probably not, so i guess your projection here makes sense from your perspective, but it’s fucking moronic from everybody else’s.

and WTF do you mean “that’s 100% false”? the fact that i knew them for years, the fact that they’re my friends? it wasn’t a “bunch of sneezing fetish community people,” it was friends i’ve known for forever. are you genuinely disputing this? and if so, what is your proof that i convinced a bunch of relative strangers to travel to me (on their own dime) and then groomed them into performing sex acts for me? like... you’re literally just making shit up

also, you didn’t call SHIT out you fucking idiot, the post you made was clearly made in wistful jealousy? if you were actually trying to “call me out” and point out how morally grey my supposed actions were then why the fuck didn’t you make that clear with the post? either you’re lying (this is the case, obviously) or you suck shit at addressing community concerns

(full size)

i thought your chosen name was public knowledge, tbh. you used it in the discord and for some reason i thought you used it on tumblr in general. that’s my bad, i apologize. i also found it odd that someone signed that message with their name, but like... figured i couldn’t blame anybody who wanted to put as much distance between you and them as possible. seems pretty reasonable to me.

plus that’s not what doxxing is. maybe google it.

also, sorry to say, but i didn’t claim you were guilty of misgendering. you just straight up are.

proof:

this was right after i banned you from the discord. i have not used she pronouns for as long as i’ve been on sneeze tumblr. nice try, though.

speaking of that, actually, why were you so sad about being removed from the discord, anyway? since it was after you’d discovered me to be a dangerous sexual predator?

(full size)

hmm. really perplexing. let’s move on.

(full size)

honestly the only reason im including this screenshot is bc it’s funny. none of the people i’ve supposedly victimized are even following you (because everybody with a brain on sneeze tumblr thinks youre creepy) so how would they ever see this post unless they were following me? dumbass

also, if the intent of this post was to call me out for being a rapist, why say that “a bunch of people” were “teasing” the discord about it? if it was so non-consensual and as traumatizing as you’ve implied in your post why did people talk about it at all after the fact, let alone joke about it? 

anyway, here’s (link) another screenshot from my blog talking about the insanely creepy and jealous posts you made about our meetup. i don’t have links to those handy (wouldn’t be surprised if you deleted them in light of all of this tbh), but like... this post was 100000% about you.

and hey, just for a little flavor, i made a little collage about you, with screenshots taken from multiple discord servers:

(full size)

this is like, barely scraping the surface of shit people think about you. (and there are ten separate people in these screenshots.)

when you accuse someone of something as serious as rape the onus is on you to actually prove it. you have proven literally nothing. the only ‘evidence’ you have is that people got sick when we had a meetup a couple of years ago and talked about it on tumblr briefly. like what the fuck is wrong with you lol.

one last thing (i think?) that i want to address:

normally i’m extremely hesitant to refer to a trans woman as a freak or accuse them of being a sexual predator, for obvious reasons, but your behavior (behavior i haven’t actually addressed here bc i don’t have the energy -- hitting on snezblr people, interacting inappropriately with vanilla posts) really confirms it, tbh. it’s very obvious that i struck a nerve when i speculated that the reason you won’t share who you were on the blue forum is because you’re a sexual predator -- with that context it makes perfect sense that you’d flip that on its head and accuse me of being a rapist. that’s actually a classical abuse tactic (one i’ve had used against me in other contexts), and in this case is extremely transparent.

this shit is just beyond parody. anyway, like... burn in hell or something, i guess

[bloodfcst-a]

Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang. 

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘  meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. 

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions &  pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal...  I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands. 

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

[sasslightertm-a]

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

[crescendo-system]

iM ASKING DEF HALP ADVICE but ya I'm not always able to properly relax and then any memories are like, hazy and watered down, and the last time I was able to get real deep into focus I felt a Bad memory coming on and got tf out of there

ooooo, yea that can happen. Personally speaking, I had that happen once and I continued to pursue the memory to get it over with? but it was already affecting my mood terribly and I had the time and mental preparedness to just have some sob time over the memory. it’s possible you may need to set aside time where you’re ready for it if that memory starts to resurface. I say this more because it might blindside you otherwise, or lurk underneath your consciousness and affect your mood if it goes on too long (which has happened to me a few times with my Dave kin.) But yeah if you can’t handle it then don’t feel pressured to face it just yet. 

the method I use is actually probably good for avoiding that sort of thing, since it’s meant to be a guided mental walk through your memories. I’ve found it’s possible to dictate or affect what memories you see, to an extent. It’s reliant on visualisation so you could guide yourself away from that memory, perhaps. I’ve never tried to use it to avoid a memory so I’m not certain, but it’s possible. 

Said method is built and personalized off of this handy dandy post right here, though the initial setup often led to me losing focus since i myself am a bit adhd lmao.  This post is an inconveniently long and rambly iteration of my specific process and observations that have built up around the method as I’ve adapted it. (I’ll be reblogging both of these to this blog momentarily since I neglected to when archiving I guess, whoops)

main takeaway from these is  probably- learn to visualize and utilize your mindspace to your advantage, and to sort of ‘cherrypick’ things - but don’t try to be too controlling or things will be unsuccessful, unclear or will just fall more out of control.

As for alternatives - I’ve found a few other things that help me, but personally speaking they’re not as consistently successful or reliable. They are however an invaluable resource so I recommend giving them a peek. ;)

(under readmore bc this got Lengthy™ as is in my nature to do lmao. I hope some of this helps!!)

1- paying attention to your dreams. I’ve gotten some kin details from dreams. Sometimes it’s layered in bunches of dream gunk, but if a character from my canon was there to my knowledge, I pay close attention and analyze for symbolism and alternate interpretations. This includes old memories before you kinfirmed, as well - sometimes there are details there that help as well. I’ve known someone who dreamt a kin memory in their childhood as a nightmare. It may not happen with everyone, or be obvious, but I recommend combing what you do remember of your dreams, now and then, just in case.

On a related note, keeping track of your dreams may help you remember more of them in general, and may make it easier to find kin memories. keeping a little notebook, even just to jot down key phrases or doodles, will help you remember things about the dream that you would lose on your own.

2- impressions, feelings etc - of course there’s a danger of overthinking, or of personal preferences/projections affecting it, but sometimes a gut feeling might lead to something more connected to a memory. I figured out one of the swaps in a bloodswap timeline of mine based on gut feelings alone (they had been a former matesprit so the emotional connection allowed me to figure it out better)

3- media. This one is tricky and random. I’ve regained memories from song lyrics, melodies and character themes, fanart and even some fanfics. it can be a phrase, or a certain action, pose, situation. Heck I’ve recalled a memory from a totally unrelated video before. Rather random, even if you look specifically at content/themes relating to your kin. 

But there is a way to tip this into your favor - do you write? draw? make music? anything artistic/creative? then you may be able to pull from your kin memories if you do something based on your kin and the canonmates/settings/etc you had. I have a friend who’s discovered over time that many of the fanfictions they have written aren’t just fics, but actually based on memories from their timelines. They’re not always accurate portrayals of events, or quotes or dynamics, but the core flow and content has always matched up. Likewise, the way I draw/drew characters based on ‘headcanons’ have tended to match up to one of my own canons, and I believe I’ve also written fic snippets based on experiences from my timelines. And as I regain more memories, I’m beginning to write using the memories as a springboard, hoping to expand upon what was initially just, an emotion and specific image, turning it into an excavation of the whole memory I have yet to recall.

and last I can think of as of right now;

4 - talking to people about your memories - this is a very helpful exercise in general! and by this, I mean hold a discussion with someone you feel ok with, about memories and the like, as opposed to just making a post on tumblr. This conversation encourages and stimulates the brain to come up with details when describing, and sometimes the person will say something unexpected that might jog your memory, or help confirm what your canon WASN’T like.  This can sometimes be because the person knows something you forgot/don’t know, or they might say something to be silly/make a joke or offer suggestions. Someone joked about something silly that otters did when I told them about my lusus in my Eridan Leijon timeline being an otter - which surprisingly gave me a memory and also answered a few questions.

I personally am on a few servers on discord where kin talk is encouraged and frequent, plus my longest time kinfriend has always encouraged me to talk about kinstuff as well as tell me about theirs, and in doing this we’ve both made connections for the other as well as discover we’re canonmates in a few tls. 

So these are the methods I’m familiar with! I’m sure others have their methods, I know some witches will rely on spells and the like, but I’ve never been one for those things, based on personal preference. 

I hope these help, and I am always open to helping in any way I can!! Feel free to ask me more stuff if you need!! :)