#but yeah dude sure was born 90 years ago huh

[gayestshakespearecouples]

Sorry, I like to use this blog to post about any play I go to see since y'all are Theatre People -

I went to see Alan Bennett's The History Boys last night, went in completely blind. And I was thinking okay like. Surely he doesn't ACTUALLY mean to play off this major character sexually assaulting his students as harmless and a joke, right? And then today I look into it and He Literally Does Mean Exactly That And Is On Record Saying It. So that's fun!

[365days365movies]

April 12, 2021: Mrs. Doubtfire (1992) (Recap)

Hey, Robin Williams. Been a while.

I’m sorry that I haven’t watched your movies for a while, and that I always skip your comedy stand-up when my phone’s on shuffle. I just...let me explain. Since I was a kid, you were one of my favorite entertainers. That might as well have started the day I was born, because...well, we share a birthday, fun fact. But it definitely continued with the first movie I ever saw in theatres.

While I don’t quite remember the first time I saw it, Aladdin was one of my favorite childhood movies, and I knew that you were the voice of the Genie from an early age. You might have actually been the first actor I ever knew by name. Which makes sense, because your stardom during the ‘90s was nearly unparalleled.

The next film I remember seeing (and hearing) you in was Ferngully: The Last Rainforest. That also starred Tim Curry, who would also be a major figure of my childhood. It also wasn’t the best movie, in hindsight, but it is the only time I’ve heard you rap since.

But eventually, I watched your forays into live-action, too. Jumanji, Hook, even the objectively bad Flubber, are all movies that I vividly remember watching during childhood. I was really excited for Flubber, even, and I LOVED Jumanji growing up. I liked Hook, too, but I appreciated that more as I got older.

Of course, during this time period, you also made less family-friendly films. The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam, and What Dreams May Come were all very successful, and cemented your reputation as an actor. I also haven’t seen any of them. In fact...I don’t think I’ve seen any of your dramatic roles, and that’s something that I’ll fix this year. Hell, in a few days, I’ll watch The Birdcage, another of your big hits of the ‘90s.

But why haven’t I seen them up to now? Well...I was going to watch these films, about seven years ago. But...I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Because it hurts. A lot.

I know that this is a downer, but my relationship with Robin Williams today is tainted by his tragic death. I was fucking BROKEN when his death was announced, and I really haven’t been able to watch him since. I’ve seen Aladdin recently, but that’s about all I could stand to watch. I mean, the guy shares a birthday with me! I’ve always loved his comedy stylings, and his improvisational skills are something I’ve internalized to a certain degree.

So, yeah. This one’s tough. But, it’s about time I moved on, and celebrated the man’s career for what it was: stellar. And that also brings up an important question, that some of you have probably asked by now:

HOW HAVE I MISSED MRS. DOUBTFIRE, WHAT THE FUCK

I KNOW I KNOW OK?

Look, I’m not entirely sure how I haven’t seen this movie, because I’m MORE than aware of it! I remember it airing during the ‘90s, my Dad AND girlfriend love this movie, and I know FOR A FACT that my family owned both the DVD AND THE VHS of this movie! So, how? HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN IT BY NOW?

I honestly have no idea, but let’s fix it now, huh? Yet one more man-dresses-as-woman movie this month! And no, I am not watching White Chicks...because I’ve already seen White Chicks. Also, it’s...problematic.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

 Recap

Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) is a voice-actor, and a good one. Which, given that it’s Robin Williams, isn’t entirely inaccurate. He’s also a voice actor with a spine, as he morally objects to a scene in the cartoon that he’s performing for, in which the main character smokes. By the way, I’m 99% sure that this cartoon is animated by Chuck Jones, and it looks well-made.

Anyway, this leads to him quitting the cartoon altogether, and allows him to pick up his kids early from school. These kids are Lydia (Lisa Hykub), Chris (Matthew Lawrence), and Natalie (Mara Wilson), and it’s Chris’ 12th birthday. Daniel arranges a...surprisingly large party, given that it’s completely impromptu, and it comes with a petting zoo and complete trappings. However, it’s not a party of which his wife will approve.

This wife is Miranda (Sally Field), a successful architect and the breadwinner of the family. After getting a call from the neighbor about the party, she comes home and busts the outrageous party. And for the record, I’m entirely on Miranda’s side here. This party is INSANE, and very irresponsible, given the fact that Daniel currently has no job. And yeah, he’s a very loving father, and a good person, but...it’s too much.

Miranda feels the same, and after 14 years of frustration, she realizes that she no longer loves Daniel. In a genuinely sad scene, she tells him that she wants a divorce. And she goes through with it MUCH to Daniel’s detriment. He has no home, as he’s staying with his brother, Frank (Harvey Fierstein) and his partner Jack (Scott Capurro). He also still has no job, meaning that he has no way to provide for his children. This means that he has no ability to provide, and the judge awards Miranda full custody. Oof.

However, this is a conditional arrangement, as another hearing for joint custody will be held in 3 months, and if Daniel can get a home and job in that time, he has a chance. He performs a litany of voices and impressions with his court liason, Mrs. Sellner (Anne Haney), which amuses me, but not her, and he gets a job in order to be with his kids for more than one day a week.

Meanwhile, Miranda IMMEDIATELY starts dating fellow designer and old flame Stuart Dunmeyer (Pierce Brosnan), like, almost before Daniel leaves the house. He bids a heartfelt goodbye to his kids, with the promise that he’ll see them on Saturdays. And now begins the absolute hatred and petty bitchiness of Daniel and Miranda! Seriously, it’s...it’s fucking terrible, and it takes away from my sympathy from either side. I get that divorce is rough and ugly, but GODDAMN, neither of them perform the act with any form of tact or grace.

This is put on display during the kids’ visitation to Daniel’s semi-crappy new apartment, which doesn’t even seem that bad, to be honest. Miranda dropped them off late and picked them up early, as if to slowly starve Daniel of time with his kids, which is extraordinarily shitty of her, fuck me. Daniel’s not taking it well, understandably, but then does something...really dumb, when you think about it.

See, Miranda’s looking for a nanny, to help watch the kids and clean the house during the week. Daniel volunteers his services, which is actually a good idea, but Miranda says she’ll think about it, which we ALL know means no. I DO NOT like Miranda, even if I understand the initial reasons for the divorce. She’s being especially spiteful, and it’s not a good look.

Daniel’s stupid idea, though, is to change the phone number on the ad for the nanny, which Miranda shows him before she takes the kids. Instead, he calls her number, and pretends to be various terrible applicants, until finally supplying his own applicant: the completely fictional Euphegenia Doubtfire (Daniel Hillard).

Daniel plays Mrs. Doubtfire as an elderly British woman, and a seasoned nanny in her day. Which is why it’s weird to me that, when he does to Frank and Jack to help him make an elaborate disguise as Mrs. Doubtfire, that they go through various other impressions and get-ups. Which, yes, is goddamn hilarious, but also makes NO SENSE, given that they’ve already established her character to Miranda. Funny, but nonsensical.

But, regardless, Euphegenis Doubtfire comes into being, and introduces herself to Miranda and the kids. Mrs. Doubtfire is exactly what Miranda’s looking for, although the kids aren’t exactly overjoyed, ESPECIALLY the oldest, Lydia. Also, during this first meeting, Miranda openly bad-mouths Daniel in front of the kids, in just the WORST fuckin’ way. I genuinely dislike Miranda A LOT. Again, the divorce was certainly justified, but I REALLY don’t like her. Daniel loves his kids, and they’re HIS kids, TOO. Stop using them as weapons against him, OOOOOOOOOOOH I DON’T LIKE MIRANDA

Anyway, that evening, after she’s officially been hired by Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire heads home, only to find court liason Mrs. Sellner waiting to speak with Daniel. After a litany of puns, and a humorous changing scene, Daniel accidentally throws the Mrs. Doubtfire mask out of the window, and is forced to improvise through equally humorous circumstances. Hence, the above meringue mask scene. Has anybody tried that, by the way? Could that work as a groundbreaking beauty technique? Or would the sugar just feed the skin bacteria and give you acne? Genuinely curious.

Now going between his job as Daniel and the nanny job as Doubtfire, Daniel’s not doing too badly for himself. The nanny job begins, and Mrs. Doubtfire IMMEDIATELY contrasts with Daniel, creating a disciplinarian atmosphere in place of Daniel’s formerly loosey-goosey attitude. Which is interesting, and it works! I mean, it’s not how I would parent, but it does work. Doubtfire makes the kids to their homework, rather than watch TV, and then attempts to make dinner. Instead, though, the dinner’s ruined, and Daniel orders takeout and makes it LOOK like homemade food. And it looks good, too! Daniel’s full of hidden talents.

After dinner, as Mrs. Doubtfire’s leaving, Lydia apologizes for backtalking her earlier, and thanks her for making her mom happy with everything she did that evening. he also says that she’s still a bit messed up about her dad being gone. And yeah, it’s sweet-but-sad. 

Going forward (and in a montage set to Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady), Mrs. Doubtfire takes care of the family, and Daniel even betters himself to become a better Mrs. Doubtfire. Which...to be honest, Daniel REALLY should’ve done this before. I get that he needed the pressure of losing the kids to do this, but...look, Daniel really wasn’t that responsible of a parent, and the fact that THIS is how he learns to be so is...not great. Like, here’s an example, OK: take Donald Trump.

Yeah, I know, what’s this politics doing in my peanut butter? And WOW, that reference is older than me, but anyway. Let’s say that, in two years, a new politician comes on the scene, and her name is Karyn Walldottir. She has somewhat centrist views, and behaves in a way that’s inclusive to the majority, and backs up her claims and promises with evidence (at least true enough for us to suspend our disbelief). This is, of course, Donald Trump disguised as a woman in order to gain custody of the United States of America again. Naturally.

Karyn Walldottir gets elected in 2024, and all of her policies are markedly different from Trump’s and Biden’s, but leaning closer to Biden in progressive standpoints (assuming that that worked for him come 2024). While Trump is doing this specifically to be president again, he ends up revising his personal policies, and being a better person and president for the country. A literal impossibility, I know. But suspend your disbelief to ask this question:

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

OK, now that that dumbass (and mildly horrifying) thought process is concluded, let’s get back to Mrs. Doubtfire. In the process of Mrs. Doubtfire’s ingratiation with the family, Miranda’s been dating Stu, whom Mrs. Doubtfire subtly insults when they meet. And yeah, Daniel’s being a little petty here, but it makes a bit of sense at least.

That night, after an accidental intrusion by Chris when Mrs. Doubtfire is going to the bathroom, Daniel’s basically forced to tell Chris and Lydia his little secret, which Lydia’s happy about, but Chris is understandably weirded out about. But, they agree to keep the secret from their mom and younger sister.

At his OTHER job, delivering film reels from a TV station, he witnesses the filming of an extremely boring kids educational TV show, and comments as such to another man watching. As he quickly learns, this is the owner of the station, Jonathan Lundy (Robert Prosky), on whom Daniel makes a good impression.

In the meantime, Mrs. Doubtfire has a talk with Miranda about their love lives, real and fictional. Daniel realizes how badly Miranda had been suffering in their marriage, which she never told him because...well, he never seemed to take anything seriously. Which is entirely fair...but this is why Miranda’s a tricky-ass character. She’s got two sides: there’s the justified caring mother and strong woman, and there’s the PETTY ASSHOLE who genuinely doesn’t care about Daniel or his feelings AT ALL. Jesus.

And Stu...look, Stu is LITERALLY a Gary Stu, who’s mostly perfect. Sure, he’s not always been that way, but he definitely is now! He’s responsible, wealthy, in love with Miranda AND her kids. And yeah, at a country club that he’s a member of (OF COURSE he is), he privately badmouth Daniel in front of Mrs. Doubtfire, calling him a loser, and...yeah, he’s not really unjustified in that statement. Fact of the matter is, Stu is barely even a plot device.

Meanwhile, in Daniel’s day job, he finds himself alone in the studio, where the toy dinosaurs from the TV show are still sitting on the table. He plays with them, gives them voices, sings some songs, and impresses Mr. Lundy, who’s there in the shadows after all that. He’s impressed, and invites Daniel to dinner to talk about a potential future show at the network.

But then, it’s also Miranda’s birthday coming up, and Stu’s holding a dinner for her, to which Mrs. Doubtfire is invited. Trouble is, it’s at the OH FUCK IT. YOU know what this is. It’s at the same time and place as the Mr. Lund meeting yaddayaddayadda LOOK. We ALL know how this is going to end. It’s the GODDAMN LIAR REVEALED TROPE AGAIN. And here’s the thing:

I FUGGIN’ HAAAAAATE THE LIAR REVEALED TROPE

You know, that thing in movies (especially family movies of the ‘90s) where somebody starts off a situation with a lie, they get deeper and deeper into that lie, grow close to people under false pretenses, and then OH NO! THE LIAR IS REVEALED! And everybody’s angry and/or sad, the liar slumps off, defeated and broken, but then realizes the error of his ways, while everybody else realizes the same thing, and he comes back to vindicate himself, and is welcomed back with open arms. And it introduces unneeded tension AND I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED IT.

Let’s list the examples, shall we? A Bug’s Life, Aladdin, Mulan, The Road to El Dorado, Chicken Run, How to Train Your Dragon, Klaus, Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, Megamind (SUBVERSIVE MY ASS), Over the Hedge, Rango, Toy Story, Steven Universe (the whole Pearl/Sardonyx arc, which went on for WAY too long), the list goes on and fucking on. And I GODDAMN HATE IT. Not to say it can’t be done well. Disney actually usually does a pretty good job with it, and Dreamworks uses it A LOT, but almost always pretty well. But sometimes...GOD. Either way, it’s still used FAR too fucking much. And look. Here’s another one. Joy.

Look, at this point...I will freely admit that I'm biased against this trope, but it’s also obvious where this is headed. Basically, Daniel switches back and forth between the dinner with the family, and the dinner with Mr. Lundy. With Mr. Lundy, he gets absolutely SMASHED. Great. Great decision, Daniel.

So, yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire’s also smashed, which is pretty goddamn apparent to them all. At this point, I’m wondering why Daniel, as Mrs. Doubtfire, didn’t just say she was sick as hell, and had to go home. Or, considering the fact that Daniel proposes her as a show idea regardless, the switch wasn’t even necessary! And that means that none of what’s about to happen, happens. Or, here’s a crazy thought, maybe Daniel shouldn’t have POISONED STU’S FOOD WITH CAYENNE PEPPER THAT HE’S ALLERGIC TO! 

YEAH! Because that causes Stu to go into anaphylactic shock for a hot sec, causing him to choke. Mrs. Doubtfire does the right thing and gives him the Heimlich maneuver, and in the process, SURPRISE! IT’S BEEN DANIEL ALL ALONG! BUH BUH BUHHHHH DA DA DA DAAAAA DA

Yeah, so Miranda is understandably ENRAGED by this revelation, and it’s all over. Daniel represents himself in court at the custody hearing, but the judge deems his “lifestyle” dangerous for children. Which...yikes, Judge, that statement didn’t age well AT FUCKING ALL. But, given Daniel’s admitted stupidity with this whole idea, he’s not wrong about the dangerous part. But, I have to say, Daniel’s speech in his own defense is nice...although he also says he’s addicted to his children, so let’s throw a second yikes on there for good measure.

The speech moves Miranda...but not enough to prevent Daniel has his custody stripped away from him! GOD THEY BOTH SUUUUUUUUCK. Daniel’s a broken man, and Miranda and the kids are similarly broken without him and Mrs. Doubtfire. However...Daniel’s career isn’t broken AT ALL, as Mrs. Doubtfire is now a kid’s show host! Yeah! And she’s a hit! And again, it brings me to wonder why Daniel DIDN’T APPLY HIS OBVIOUS TALENTS LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE

Realizing that she made a mistake, she goes to the set during the filming of a show. She congratulates him on the show, and he replies by stating how broken he is now! Thanks, Miranda! Well, after an argument, and after Miranda sees how badly she’s messed up someone she used to care for, they come to an agreement: joint custody. FINALLY GODDAMN IT

And good, because I don’t want them back together. I have to give this film props for that: they acknowledge that these two are NOT good for each other, and they deliver a message in the end: families are families, no matter how they’re shaped. One mom, one dad, uncle or aunt, grandparents, adoption, two separated or divorced parents...oh, also, two dads or two moms. Yeah, that isn’t said in Mrs. Doubtfire’s final monologue, which is odd considering Daniel’s brother and his life partner...but it’s also kid’s TV in the ‘90s, so I guess that sadly makes sense. And with that, and their new family arrangement, Daniel takes his kids on an afternoon out, as himself.

...Look. That’s Mrs. Doubtfire, yaddayaddayadda LOOK. I don’t dislike this movie. In fact, here: have this mini-Review:

Cast and Acting - 9/10: Good, although Brosnan was a little stiff.

Plot and Writing - 5/10: It’s an idiot plot, what can I say? It’s actually based off of a book, which was a surprise to me, but it was adapted by Randi Mayem Singer and Leslie Dixon, and...eh. Still an idiot plot.

Directing and Cinematography - 8/10: It’s Chris Columbus, you get what you get. Definitely has that Home Alone flair to it.

Production and Art Design - 8/10: I mean, yeah, the Doubtfire disguise was good most of the time, but...I dunno, I could still tell it was Robin. But, still, it was good. Took 4 hours of makeup, fun fact.

Music and Editing - 8/10: Music by Howard Shore (ooh, Howard Shore!) was pretty nice, especially the ending theme. Editing by Raja Gosnell was...RAJA GOSNELL???

OH GOD. Yeah, OK, I see what happened here. Also, I didn’t know he was an editor! I just know him as the director of the Scooby-Doo films, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, The Smurfs films, Big Momma’s...

...OK, no, I am not doing Big Momma’s House OR the Madea movies. THE TROPE-BUCK STOPS HERE! I am moving on to something else! But, of course, I have to sum this up in a Review. See you there!

[neverheardnothing]

hello. over my tumblr break a few months ago i got bored enough to count the frequencies of every word in joe iconis songs and i don’t know what else to do with this info so here y’all go. every word in joe iconis songs with 10+ occurrences in descending order but i also factored out the 250 most common words in the english language badly (warning, this is a 484 item long list).

1 ('i', 2375) 2 ("i'm", 708) 3 ("it's", 366) 4 ('oh', 312) 5 ('gonna', 204) 6 ('yeah', 175) 7 ('got', 163) 8 ("you're", 160) 9 ('am', 160) 10 ('na', 149) 11 ('wanna', 130) 12 ('hey', 129) 13 ('love', 127) 14 ('feel', 122) 15 ("i'll", 117) 16 ('things', 111) 17 ('really', 97) 18 ("i'd", 97) 19 ('bang', 93) 20 ('girl', 87) 21 ('ever', 86) 22 ("can't", 84) 23 ('better', 78) 24 ("there's", 78) 25 ("she's", 78) 26 ("i've", 75) 27 ('whoa', 74) 28 ('baby', 73) 29 ("that's", 70) 30 ('gotta', 69) 31 ("we're", 68) 32 ("ain't", 63) 33 ("won't", 63) 34 ('cool', 61) 35 ('song', 58) 36 ('away', 57) 37 ('anymore', 56) 38 ('because', 55) 39 ('ya', 55) 40 ('always', 54) 41 ('remember', 54) 42 ('gone', 51) 43 ('guess', 51) 44 ('person', 51) 45 ('woman', 49) 46 ('sing', 49) 47 ('blood', 49) 48 ('stay', 48) 49 ('care', 48) 50 ('into', 47) 51 ('mind', 46) 52 ('whatever', 46) 53 ('jeremy', 45) 54 ("didn't", 45) 55 ('wish', 45) 56 ('feeling', 43) 57 ('ooh', 43) 58 ('cuz', 43) 59 ("you'll", 43) 60 ('ribbit', 43) 61 ('everything', 42) 62 ("you've", 42) 63 ('done', 41) 64 ('nothing', 41) 65 ('fine', 41) 66 ('girls', 41) 67 ('something', 40) 68 ('please', 40) 69 ('hate', 40) 70 ('walk', 40) 71 ('nanana', 40) 72 ('going', 39) 73 ('maybe', 39) 74 ('hear', 39) 75 ('used', 39) 76 ('fall', 39) 77 ('wrong', 38) 78 ('fire', 37) 79 ('rather', 37) 80 ('around', 36) 81 ('shit', 36) 82 ('ba', 36) 83 ('heart', 36) 84 ('leave', 36) 85 ('ah', 36) 86 ('being', 36) 87 ('oh-h', 36) 88 ("he's", 35) 89 ('till', 35) 90 ('fight', 35) 91 ('face', 35) 92 ('la-la-la', 35) 93 ('da', 35) 94 ("let's", 34) 95 ('sure', 34) 96 ('hope', 34) 97 ('nana', 34) 98 ('guy', 33) 99 ('knew', 33) 100 ('wanted', 33) 101 ('shoot', 33) 102 ('em', 32) 103 ('rich', 32) 104 ('together', 32) 105 ('looking', 32) 106 ('myself', 32) 107 ('knock', 32) 108 ('chop', 32) 109 ('makes', 31) 110 ('since', 31) 111 ('whiskey', 31) 112 ('uh', 30) 113 ("they're", 30) 114 ('gimme', 30) 115 ('rick', 30) 116 ('somebody', 29) 117 ('those', 29) 118 ("doesn't", 29) 119 ('red', 29) 120 ('totally', 29) 121 ('hell', 29) 122 ("what's", 29) 123 ('hall', 29) 124 ('die', 29) 125 ('annie', 29) 126 ('bad', 28) 127 ('stop', 28) 128 ("you'd", 28) 129 ('listen', 28) 130 ('mamma', 28) 131 ('la-la-la-la', 28) 132 ('do-do', 28) 133 ('tonight', 27) 134 ('okay', 27) 135 ('hair', 27) 136 ("c'mon", 27) 137 ('roll', 27) 138 ('without', 27) 139 ('michael', 27) 140 ('christine', 27) 141 ('bounty', 27) 142 ('almost', 26) 143 ('another', 26) 144 ('kinda', 26) 145 ('mine', 26) 146 ('rock', 26) 147 ('records', 26) 148 ('music', 26) 149 ('lonely', 25) 150 ('words', 25) 151 ('heard', 25) 152 ('yo', 25) 153 ('madeline', 25) 154 ('says', 25) 155 ('band', 25) 156 ('lots', 25) 157 ('alive', 25) 158 ('god', 24) 159 ('times', 24) 160 ('battle', 24) 161 ('skin', 24) 162 ('dada', 24) 163 ('revolution', 24) 164 ('institution', 24) 165 ('broke', 23) 166 ('talk', 23) 167 ('eyes', 23) 168 ("who's", 23) 169 ('hold', 23) 170 ('burned', 23) 171 ('morning', 23) 172 ('chill', 23) 173 ('pretty', 23) 174 ('car', 23) 175 ('young', 23) 176 ('la-la', 23) 177 ('tired', 23) 178 ('nation', 23) 179 ('friend', 22) 180 ('everybody', 22) 181 ('rehearsal', 22) 182 ('true', 22) 183 ('inside', 22) 184 ('squip', 22) 185 ('ready', 21) 186 ('best', 21) 187 ('understand', 21) 188 ('else', 21) 189 ('lot', 21) 190 ('party', 21) 191 ('ignore', 21) 192 ('bit', 21) 193 ('cut', 21) 194 ('gets', 20) 195 ('sometimes', 20) 196 ("isn't", 20) 197 ('whole', 20) 198 ("everybody's", 20) 199 ('starts', 20) 200 ('feels', 20) 201 ('everyone', 20) 202 ('room', 20) 203 ('dry', 20) 204 ('nice', 20) 205 ('juvie', 20) 206 ('sleep', 20) 207 ('wonder', 20) 208 ('size', 20) 209 ('ass', 20) 210 ('welcome', 20) 211 ('seen', 19) 212 ('weird', 19) 213 ('soon', 19) 214 ('yourself', 19) 215 ('alone', 19) 216 ('flame', 19) 217 ('taking', 19) 218 ('friends', 19) 219 ('enough', 19) 220 ('born', 19) 221 ('lordy', 19) 222 ('hunter', 19) 223 ('relate', 19) 224 ('yai', 19) 225 ('today', 18) 226 ('loser', 18) 227 ('bitch', 18) 228 ('until', 18) 229 ('arm', 18) 230 ('comes', 18) 231 ('dead', 18) 232 ('told', 18) 233 ('ow', 18) 234 ('honey', 18) 235 ('years', 18) 236 ('whack', 18) 237 ("we'll", 18) 238 ('n', 18) 239 ('nerd', 18) 240 ('fell', 18) 241 ('dad', 17) 242 ('pants', 17) 243 ('huh', 17) 244 ('nobody', 17) 245 ('mad', 17) 246 ('getting', 17) 247 ("wasn't", 17) 248 ('scared', 17) 249 ('wait', 17) 250 ('body', 17) 251 ('quite', 17) 252 ('hands', 17) 253 ('ohh', 17) 254 ('hurt', 17) 255 ('deserve', 17) 256 ('ride', 17) 257 ('game', 17) 258 ('survive', 17) 259 ('upgrade', 17) 260 ('free', 17) 261 ('certain', 17) 262 ('wha-oh', 17) 263 ('cigarettes', 17) 264 ('writer', 17) 265 ('bands', 17) 266 ('hunters', 17) 267 ('hang', 16) 268 ("wouldn't", 16) 269 ('age', 16) 270 ('cry', 16) 271 ('sky', 16) 272 ('past', 16) 273 ('behind', 16) 274 ('someone', 16) 275 ('saying', 16) 276 ('black', 16) 277 ('job', 16) 278 ('la', 16) 279 ('fix', 16) 280 ('alright', 16) 281 ('shot', 16) 282 ('bar', 16) 283 ('deal', 16) 284 ('respect', 16) 285 ('dog', 16) 286 ('flicks', 16) 287 ('strong', 15) 288 ("haven't", 15) 289 ('glad', 15) 290 ('next', 15) 291 ('escape', 15) 292 ('fun', 15) 293 ('though', 15) 294 ('promise', 15) 295 ('hide', 15) 296 ('ammonia', 15) 297 ('likes', 15) 298 ('thinks', 15) 299 ('yes', 15) 300 ('nurse', 15) 301 ('looks', 15) 302 ('halloween', 15) 303 ('twice', 15) 304 ('bout', 15) 305 ('sight', 15) 306 ('along', 15) 307 ('forget', 15) 308 ('voices', 15) 309 ('bathroom', 15) 310 ('master', 15) 311 ("shiro's", 15) 312 ('badass', 15) 313 ('rosalie', 15) 314 ('setting', 15) 315 ('road', 14) 316 ('dude', 14) 317 ('brain', 14) 318 ('kid', 14) 319 ('drink', 14) 320 ('means', 14) 321 ('guys', 14) 322 ('bed', 14) 323 ('doing', 14) 324 ('breathe', 14) 325 ('happy', 14) 326 ('scream', 14) 327 ('mistakes', 14) 328 ('anything', 14) 329 ('goes', 14) 330 ('blue', 14) 331 ('pretend', 14) 332 ('social', 14) 333 ('shout', 14) 334 ('geek', 14) 335 ('buddy', 14) 336 ("everything's", 14) 337 ("helen's", 14) 338 ('golden', 14) 339 ('movin', 14) 340 ('st', 14) 341 ("anne's", 14) 342 ('finally', 13) 343 ('choose', 13) 344 ('smoke', 13) 345 ('voice', 13) 346 ('terrible', 13) 347 ('happened', 13) 348 ('pass', 13) 349 ('street', 13) 350 ("couldn't", 13) 351 ('wall', 13) 352 ('instead', 13) 353 ('clear', 13) 354 ('tight', 13) 355 ('damn', 13) 356 ('susannah', 13) 357 ('smile', 13) 358 ('waiting', 13) 359 ('ground', 13) 360 ('remind', 13) 361 ('coolness', 13) 362 ('sad', 13) 363 ("things'll", 13) 364 ('brother', 13) 365 ("it'll", 13) 366 ('somewhere', 13) 367 ('veins', 13) 368 ('cat', 12) 369 ('weather', 12) 370 ('children', 12) 371 ("weren't", 12) 372 ('fucking', 12) 373 ('sorry', 12) 374 ('clean', 12) 375 ('pour', 12) 376 ('different', 12) 377 ('singing', 12) 378 ('coming', 12) 379 ('thinking', 12) 380 ('trying', 12) 381 ('sick', 12) 382 ('bone', 12) 383 ('least', 12) 384 ('lisa', 12) 385 ('nothin', 12) 386 ('dear', 12) 387 ('white', 12) 388 ('hot', 12) 389 ('charlie', 12) 390 ('family', 12) 391 ('door', 12) 392 ('korean', 12) 393 ('dodo', 12) 394 ('c-c-c', 12) 395 ('yours', 12) 396 ('c-c-c-come', 12) 397 ('wants', 11) 398 ('bloody', 11) 399 ('called', 11) 400 ('forever', 11) 401 ('sweet', 11) 402 ('soul', 11) 403 ('swear', 11) 404 ('touch', 11) 405 ('easy', 11) 406 ('days', 11) 407 ('stage', 11) 408 ('across', 11) 409 ('woah', 11) 410 ('crazy', 11) 411 ('town', 11) 412 ('dress', 11) 413 ('top', 11) 414 ('loves', 11) 415 ('rage', 11) 416 ('phone', 11) 417 ('super', 11) 418 ('feet', 11) 419 ('mess', 11) 420 ('penny', 11) 421 ('stars', 11) 422 ('supposed', 11) 423 ('miss', 11) 424 ('college', 11) 425 ('hates', 11) 426 ('quit', 11) 427 ('history', 11) 428 ('cage', 11) 429 ('falling', 11) 430 ('mcfly', 11) 431 ("i'mma", 11) 432 ('played', 11) 433 ('touching', 11) 434 ('band-aids', 11) 435 ('fox', 11) 436 ('thank', 11) 437 ('pitiful', 11) 438 ('covered', 11) 439 ('open', 10) 440 ("they'll", 10) 441 ("we've", 10) 442 ('feelings', 10) 443 ('gun', 10) 444 ('living', 10) 445 ('wow', 10) 446 ('book', 10) 447 ('wonderful', 10) 448 ('blame', 10) 449 ('brooke', 10) 450 ('space', 10) 451 ('slow', 10) 452 ('longer', 10) 453 ('naked', 10) 454 ("he'd", 10) 455 ('star', 10) 456 ('shirt', 10) 457 ('looked', 10) 458 ('i’m', 10) 459 ('standing', 10) 460 ('break', 10) 461 ('lame', 10) 462 ('ten', 10) 463 ('york', 10) 464 ('met', 10) 465 ('dreadfuls', 10) 466 ('mountain', 10) 467 ('push', 10) 468 ('two-player', 10) 469 ('war', 10) 470 ('talkin', 10) 471 ('throw', 10) 472 ('normal', 10) 473 ('hat', 10) 474 ('christmas', 10) 475 ('silver', 10) 476 ('freak', 10) 477 ('mom', 10) 478 ('garage', 10) 479 ('become', 10) 480 ('flesh', 10) 481 ('bastard', 10) 482 ('broadway', 10) 483 ('amphibian', 10) 484 ('outlaw', 10)

[hollenka99]

The One Where Jackie Takes Each Day As It Comes

Summary: Chapter 1. Jackie may not have a home but he’s meeting some friendly faces.

@bupine @badlypostedeverything

Spotting all the daily newspapers declare it was February 13th 2019 that first morning had been rough. Part of Jackie had wanted to believe it was a really elaborate prank. But the lads wouldn't be able to do something like that. Especially given the state they'd gotten themselves in at Stuart's party. Maybe it hadn't been a bad thing that Jackie decided to go easy on the alcohol. At least he didn't enter the next century completely hammered. Seeing couples out on Valentine's Day causes him to reflect. He spent that day missing Chris, which he had been in two minds about. And Nate. God knows how he'd be able to return home to 1986, if he could at all. Perhaps getting thrown three decades into the future was the thing he needed to sort that mess out internally. The risk of the band going their separate ways because two members broke up sounded more attractive now. Sure beat them disbanding because the drummer disappeared indefinitely or was presumed dead. Yeah, he would split from Chris to be with Nate if he had the chance now. It was the old question niggling in his mind: didn't he deserve to be with the one who made him happier than the other? Not like all that relationship drama mattered much when he had no worldly possessions except for his clothes now. Fuck the shit with those two anyway. He'd rather have Caoimhe in his arms any day. Whatever happens to her with him gone, Jackie hopes she is kept safe and loved. Okay, so maybe he was going to get teary about some things. There was no point exhausting himself with tears regarding all this. How would giving himself a massive headache help matters? It got worse the more he accepted his drastic life change. Dwelling on it all hurt. Bridget, Annette and Spencer must all be adults by now. His friends were in their 50s, like he should be himself. They all must be unrecognisable to him now. Like he said, dwelling on the currently inaccessible past was redundant. Instead, he did his best to find somewhere dry to sleep at night. Days were spent on the lookout for food. At least there was a water fountain near the bus station. It's fine. It's not like this is his first time taking each day as it came. He'll manage, one way or another. It's while Jackie is preoccupied with drinking someone's discarded hot chocolate that a man approaches him. The stranger's curls remind him of how his own hair used to be, prior to its current style. Freckles litter his face too. The smile seems genuine but he's been in this situation before. Jackie decides to cautiously give this stranger the benefit of the doubt. "You know how to play guitar?" American? Canadian? He doesn't know enough about those accents to distinguish them. "...Yes." "Here." The guy holds out his guitar case. "I don't need the change anymore. Got a decent job now and all that." "Thank you but I can't." "You look like you could do with a source of income. Stealing isn't exactly a reliable method of feeding yourself. Which reminds me..." An oat bar is retrieved. Through part of the plastic wrapping, it is visibly crumbling. "I'll admit, not in the best condition. Sorry about that. Still, please take it." Well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that. "Thanks." "No problem. I'm Joel, by the way." He winks, heading a few feet away. "Jackie." The ground crumbles in front of where Joel stood. Straight up vanishes as if it hadn't existed in the first place. It wasn't like Jackie had never met someone with powers before but... it was certainly impressive to see this sort of stuff first hand. The outstretched leg, meant to be taking a step into oblivion, is retracted. There is a pause. Joel turns to face him once more. Still there is continued hesitation. "Listen, I shouldn't be saying this but... things are going to change soon. Just be careful. Anti's about and he likes targeting people who can uh, easily disappear." "Anti?" "There's a killer on the loose and I'd hate to see your face on the news for all the wrong reasons." And like that, Joel hops backwards into the hole. Jackie takes his advice and plays during the day. Playing acoustic guitar simply makes him miss rehearsals with the lads. Guitar wasn't even his instrument. That had been drums. Even so, their type of guitar had been electric. Not much comes from busking. He's rusty, he knows. He continues playing songs he recalls off by heart in the hope of earning a pound here and there. He supposes the public secretly question why he sang nothing but hits from 30 years ago. Days blur. The last time he'd bothered to check the date it had been the 21st. He didn't keep track of how many days ago that was. The wind has been blustery all day. It was for this very reason that Jackie had spent the majority of it as sheltered as he could. He notices a man passing by his spot who seems unaffected by the bad weather. He walks by as if they hadn't been suffering strong winds recently. That's not the only odd thing about the stranger. His choice of fashion is very interesting. His entire outfit is purple apart from the covered half of his face and his gloves. The white mask resembling a cat's face reached the top of his cheeks. To complete the look, the mask extends into triangular ears. Jackie feels the guy hitting his head must hurt even more with those attached. Jackie's presence must have been caught in his peripheral vision. Cat Guy halts and turns to him. Surprise transforms into a warm smile on his face. "Hey, I don't think I've seen you around here before. I'm guessing you haven't been living like this for long?" "About a week or two. Haven't been counting." "Tell me you at least have something to cover yourself with at night." "I try to find somewhere relatively warm. Ish." "Dude, it's February." "Yeah, tell me about it." Cat Guy removes his backpack. From it, he retrieves a water bottle and a blanket. "Good thing I tend to carry some stuff around. Ham or cheese?" "What?" "Sandwich." The stranger presents him with the gifts. Once Jackie takes the blanket and water, the superhero holds out an object encased in tin foil. "I tend to make ham and cheese ones. You're not vegan or a lactose intolerant vegetarian, are you?" "No. I'll uh... take the ham, thanks." "Oh, by the way, what's your name?" He could say John. Or Bartholomew. He doesn't have to say Jackie. Shit, he could say his name was Sean if he wanted, seeing as that was another form of his name. He didn't have to even provide a name that was half true. But eh, fuck it. It's not like this guy will find a Jackie Mann born in Ireland during the late 90s. "Jackie. And what should I call you, Mr Super Cat?" "Super Cat, wow." He laughs. "That's a new one. Well, I'm known as the Magnificent Cat around here. A bunch of people shorten it to Cat." Cat? Yeah, that sounds cool. The superhero carries on with his day a minute or two afterwards. He sees him tossing a sandwich and making brief conversation with the black woman situated on the corner of the street. Mondays and Thursdays rapidly become Jackie's favourite days of the week. Cat always swung by at some point in the day, making sure those living outside had certain necessities like food or some money. He had a habit of apologizing for not being able to give more than £5, as if that was a tiny amount to provide to each homeless person he catered to around the city. They typically talk but it never lasted long before Cat had to carry on with his rounds. Once, the superhero had to excuse himself due to a burglary being reported. Jackie also liked seeing this other guy who kept popping up over the days. They'd first met when Jackie had been performing Billie Jean. Marvin was a really nice, frequently sparing 2 or 3 pounds whenever he passed by Jackie. There were also their conversations. The topic didn't matter. They also varied in length but by far fulfilled his social quota better than Cat's busy schedule could. It was pleasant to have someone to talk to. Either way, he had two people in his corner which was two more than he'd expected. The first week of April is laden with rain. Waking up to a damp blanket sucked but it was hardly like he had anything else to cover himself with. At least it was gradually warming up now. The last thing Jackie wanted was hypothermia, let alone getting sick in general. He must be getting his days mixed up because he thought Cat's last visit was on a Thursday. Yet here he was, walking around as he tended to do. Jackie didn't hear him chatting with anyone else like he'd expected him to. It didn't matter. It was getting fairly late anyway. It wasn't as if Cat was prohibited from strolling around in his costume. Plus, he was under no obligation to be as social as he typically was. Saying hi to him as he passed wouldn't hurt though. "Cat! It's good to have a dry spell in the middle of all this bad weather, huh?" Jackie chuckles. "How are things going?" The superhero halts abruptly at this. It's almost like he didn't expect Jackie to be there. That was a little odd because this was his usual spot. However, he decided to brush it off as Cat having a long day. His theory is further solidified when he doesn't seem as in the mood to talk today. "Hey. Things are good." Cat smiles thoughtfully. "Actually, I've been meaning to show you this new community centre that opened recently. They're letting people sleep there if they want. It's technically within walking distance from here but it's much easier to get there by car. Want me to take you there?" He obliges Cat's generosity. They chat about how foot traffic had significantly dropped in the past few days due to the downpour. Cat points out his black car. He motions to Jackie that he'd be sitting at the back because unfortunately, there was a bunch of clutter in the front. The door is red when he grabs the handle. A couple blinks confirm it is still red. The darkness of the evening must have been confusing his ability to see colours properly. It also may be linked to this headache that's appeared out of nowhere. He really hopes this isn't a sign the rain has negatively affected his health. He'd rather focus on how lovely the interior of Cat's car was. The doors lock internally. He moves his head to direct a remark about it to Cat. Except it's not the superhero at all. There was no costume, only a dark hoodie. The first feature that causes him to stare when Cat faces him were those eyes. Was there even anything other than black in them? The hair too. He's never seen Cat without his mask on but he didn't think it would be dark green. Had Cat looked so pale all those other times? He's not certain. He definitely knows that grin belongs in Hell. "Funny how easily people will follow you if they think you're a friend. Isn't it?"

[nowhereiswhereibelong]

73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

[snowbatsims]

post 13

[OP]

Imagine growing up here. A spooky old house out at the countryside. All while being a half-alien and having four(?) vampire dads.

EINARR: What's that? One of your.. "Video games"? MORTEN: Well, yeah! EINARR: Is this one called anything in particular? What is it about? MORT: Oh, it's just The Sims. You control the lives of some little people you made, it's rather fun! EINARR: That's neat! Controlling little people's lives.. So, how do you obtain the... "high score".

MORT: Ha! That's a new one. "Aw yes, I just beat my highscore in The Sims!" EINARR: I'm sorry, I thought that was how these video game things worked?

MORT: Sure, a lot of them! Mostly the older arcade-type games, though. There are a lot of genres now, and most recent stuff don't really focus as much on getting the highest score at the end... I guess the closest thing we have these days are speedruns, but those aren’t actually a part of the game; it’s just people figuring out ways to beat it as quickly as possible.  EINARR: Oh... okay, technology and entertainment is developing at such a rapid speed these days, isn't it. I could've sworn it was only yesterday that we had stuff like the Game & Watch and arcade halls. Those arcade halls were fun. MORT: That sounds like the eighties, old man. Which was like.. forty years ago. I've never actually been to a dedicated arcade hall in my life. EINARR: True, it's not very hard to believe you were mortal kind of recently. MORT: Yep, even Rune is old enough to have experienced the 80s. I wasn't even born until the very end of the 90s, you know. EINARR: Yeah...

EINARR: So, about your The Sims game... how does one "speedrun" that? Or really, how does one reach the end? MORT: When all your sims are dead, I guess? It's just a sandbox game about life. You can build a normal house and make a family live in it. Or you can mess with it and make everyone drown on purpose, among other things. It's really up to the player!  MORT: Like sure, it says "game over" when everyone in the household is dead, but there are really no set goals here, you just make it up as you go. EINARR: Ah, so it's more of a dollhouse than a game?

MORT: ...Yeah, I guess.

MORT: Dangit. EINARR: Hm? MORT: House fire. EINARR: Hah, that sounds all too familiar, doesn't it. MORT: Wow, not funny.

dork

Okay, anyway!  Rune got invited on a date.

RUNE: Hello, I'd like a table for two, please. HOST: Jeesh, alright. 

RUNE: I'm sorry? HOST: Look, buddy, I've been doing this for two days straight with no significant breaks. I'm really fricken tired! RUNE: :( HOST: These work hours are ridiculous, I can't believe my boss isn't letting me go home already - I'm just a mere human!! Not a goddamn vampire like him. Did he seriously forget we mortal humans need to sleep? Oh my god,, RUNE: Oof. I'm really sorry. Truly. I grew up in a mortal family, I guess I kind of get it.. Are you okay? HOST: I'm fine, just... please don't tell my boss that I.. lashed out at his guests like this. I need this job. RUNE: Oh, I won't!

HOST: So, table for two, right? RUNE: Yes please. HOST: I'll show you the way.

RUNE: Hm... guess I'll just take my usual plasma stuff. ANDREAS: Oh yeah; you're a vampire, right? RUNE: Yep. I drank from you at the bar, remember? You see my pink eyes, pointy ears; it's not exactly a secret. ANDREAS: Oh, right. True. RUNE: Dude, you offered that blood to me.  ANDREAS: Yeah! So, tell me about yourself. RUNE: I was kind of cursed since birth, really. Grew up in a... mostly human family. ANDREAS: Mostly human? So like, besides yourself? RUNE: Well... my dad had alien twins when I was a teen. ANDREAS: Oh. Okay, cool. RUNE: Mostly weird, honestly. But at least they were fun. ANDREAS: Neat.

NOBUYA: Well! If it isn't Rune! The vampire brother of my wife... How's it going? RUNE: Wow, hey, fancy seeing you guys here. I'm doing alright. How's Frøya? FRØYA: I'm right here, dummy. Hey. You're on a date too?

RUNE: Yeah! We met at the bar. How are your kids? FRØYA: Well, it turns out Kråke is a boy!  RUNE: Oh heck, that makes a lot of sense, actually. Cool!  ANDREAS: So is this some of your family? RUNE: Yeah, that's my sister with their husband. ANDREAS: Huh. Funny, it seems like you're rather young for a vampire then. RUNE: Oh, yup. Still older than Frøya by about twelve years, though. ANDREAS: Hunh. Cool.

RUNE: So, what's your family like? ANDREAS: ...it's complicated. Would rather not speak of them. RUNE: Gotcha.

RUNE: Aaaaanyway.... Hello. ANDREAS: <3

RUNE: I can't believe I finally found a guy again. You're literally my first date in two decades... ANDREAS: Oh, stop it~ WAITER: Here's your food. ANDREAS: Oh!

ANDREAS: Grilled salmon.. my favorite. RUNE: Hm, I hope this salad is any good this time. ANDREAS: Why wouldn't it be? RUNE: If humans prepared this food and added regular human ingredients, I don't think I could trust it. ANDREAS: Oh.

RUNE: Eugh. I knew it. ANDREAS: Human ingredients? RUNE: Yes. Would you like to take over it? The humans in the kitchen ruined it. Gross... ANDREAS: Sure. I've never tried plasma fruit before. ANDREAS: ...it tastes like blood. Of course it does. Not sure what I expected. RUNE: You’re hilarious.

And as they were about to leave, things escalated a little..

Yep.

[the-punforgiven]

ALL 200

WELL, ALRIGHTY THEN, LET’S GET STARTED

200: My crush’s name is: I’m not sure honestly, I’m kinda not really into anyone super seriously right now. Like I’ve got a few people I think I might have crushes on, but no one I’m certain I do, if that makes sense199: I was born in: A hospital198: I am really: Fuckin dumb197: My cellphone company is: I can’t remember off the top of my head196: My eye color is: Some weird green/brown195: My shoe size is: Too fuckin big I’ve gotta order shoes off the internet194: My ring size is: Honestly? I don’t know, I’ve worn like two rings ever193: My height is: 6′2192: I am allergic to: A very specific brand of hot dogs and a couple types of smoke191: My 1st car was: Well, we’ll see when I get one190: My 1st job was: A Dishwasher, unless you count the middle-school paper route189: Last book you read: Lisa Peschel’s The Runes188: My bed is: A loud-ass-fucking steel bunk bed that I swear is gonna give me a concussion someday187: My pet: Is a cat, her name is Groucho and she’s very shy but I love her186: My best friend: I can’t pick a favourite person, I’m sorry185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever makes my hair flow majestically like a fuckin power metal album, I haven’t found a brand I prefer though184: Xbox or ps3: I don’t actually use either, but PS3′s got some better exclusives I’d say183: Piggy banks are: A thing? I dunno182: In my pockets: My wallet, phone, some papers, and a pendant with no chain181: On my calendar: I.. I don’t presently own one180: Marriage is: Something I rarely think about, sorry179: Spongebob can: Stop airing completely and I genuinely wouldn’t care178: My mom: is a great person and I wish her nothing but the best177: The last three songs I bought were? I dunno whatever the last three songs on Amon Amarth’s Jomsviking album are176: Last YouTube video watched: This one (Or at least that’s what I’m presently watching, the one before that was This175: How many cousins do you have? Too many. (7? I think??)174: Do you have any siblings? Yeah dude I’ve got like 5173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married, they can’t get divorced172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah171: Do you play an instrument? Yes! I can play the guitar and the piano, and I’m hoping to learn more instruments just as soon as I can get ahold of them170: What did you do yesterday? Hung out with a friend of mine, spent the night, played some videogames, talked about superpowers. The usual I guess[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Maybe?168: Luck: Yes167: Fate: Yeah?166: Yourself: if I believe in myself to fuckin fail at everything yeah165: Aliens: Yes. I mean, the universe is so insanely fuckin massive, it’s honestly fucking terrifying to think that this is the only planet out there with life, you know?164: Heaven: Maybe?163: Hell: Maybe?162: God: I dunno161: Horoscopes: Kinda?160: Soul mates: Yeah?159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: Yes157: War: I’m not quite sure what this is supposed to mean, sorry?156: Orbs: ???155: Magic: Kinda, yeah[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: I prefer kisses, but I hug people way more153: Drunk or High: N/A152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black Haired150: Blondes or Brunettes: Depends on the blonde. Like, platinum blonde hellyeah, but buy-and-large, brunettes, I guess?149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter, seriously a full moon on a clear winter’s night with freshly fallen snow is alone more fuckin beautiful than most of the shit summer can muster in my opinion, and also there’s less chance of me fucking burning to death, which is always a plus147: Autumn or Spring: Spring, rain is good, and spring has the most rain I think?146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night, for the sheer virtue of not getting sunburns, and the fact that a full moon is so fuckin pretty dude144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: How curly we talkin? Like, wavy is my favourite, but that’s kind of middle ground. I dunno, they can both look really good, I guess142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds, though that comes with the qualifier that the only Burger King I have ever visited gave me food poisoning141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: No Dark Chocolate? What the fuck??? Nah, aside from Dark Chocolate being the best kind without debate, I still prefer Milk Chocolate to that White Chocolate filth. It’s not even real chocolate and it tastes like ass140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: High heals, huh? Honestly, no preference138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: honestly I’m ugly and poor and I’d honestly prefer enough money to shower my friends in the wealth an happiness they deserve over a slightly-less-disgusting face137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: I’m not gonna pretend I know enough about American politics to answer this one135: Burried or cremated: I mean, both, kinda?134: Singing or Dancing: I can’t do either, but I sing a lot more than I dance133: Coach or Chanel: I’m sorry, this question doesn’t make any sense to me?132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who and who?131: Small town or Big city: Small town, I get this really weird panic in big cities130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller, I guess?128: Manicure or Pedicure: I.. I don’t remember the difference?127: East Coast or West Coast: Is this referring to where I live, or?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: I would say Christmas since I love giving gifts as much if not more than getting them, but I can rarely actually afford gifts and I always feel like absolute shit for not getting anyone anything, so I guess I’ll go with my birthday?125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate. Flowers wilt, and that shit’s kinda really sad to me for no reason I can describe, sorry124: Disney or Six Flags: No preference123: Yankees or Red Sox: No preference[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: I’d prefer if it never happened, but that seems depressingly unrealistic121: George Bush: I don’t know enough about him to feel confident about forming an opinion120: Gay Marriage: Why isn’t it allowed everywhere yet, like actually what the fuck119: The presidential election: There is no combination of letters possibly capable of describing the twisting in my stomach that comes with thinking about that event.118: Abortion: Honesty it’s really not my place to say, like, I’m almost literally the least qualified person to talk about this117: MySpace: I vaguely remember it, rest in peace you dead service you…116: Reality TV: Not my cup of tea, personally115: Parents: They’re… Necessary to the continuation of life and a common occurrence in nature? I’m pretty sure there isn’t really much alive that doesn’t have parents, how am I supposed to give my thoughts on a concept that widespread? Yeah, things have parents, and reproduction’s been around for millions of years, I guess114: Back stabbers: I’d appreciate it if I wasn’t stabbed in the back, thanks, I mean I’d appreciate if nobody was, but these things happen, I guess. Best we can do is to make sure not to do it ourselves and hope everyone returns the courtesy113: Ebay: I don’t use it, is it any good?112: Facebook: Bad. I mean I still use it, but it’s bad. Especially it video player, like actually what the fuck, Facebook put how much money into itself why is the fuckin video player still that bad???111: Work: Money is good110: My Neighbors: I dunno, I’ve never talked to them, Generally they seem ok though, though exceptions exist109: Gas Prices: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh108: Designer Clothes: Wear what you want, make what you want, I’m not gonna judge you for it107: College: I’d love to go there someday, shame it’s nearly inaccessible for me in my present situation (i.e. Dumb and Poor)106: Sports: Not my cup of tea105: My family: I mean, despite everything, I still love them, I guess?104: The future: I can only hope it’s long and wonderful, I hope the world can love in happiness and peace for the rest of time. I mean it’s not like that’s entirely possible, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: No idea102: Last time you ate: Just earlier, I’m doing good!101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Also just earlier!100: Cried in front of someone: Uhhhhhhhh, back in like, grade eight at some point, I think? I’ve cried like twice within the last 7-8 years, give me a break99: Went to a movie theater: Back whenever Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was in them, I dunno98: Took a vacation: Like middle school, my dude97: Swam in a pool: Not sure. Not like, recently, but not as far back as the crying thing. Fuck honestly I don’t even remember when the last time I wore shorts was96: Changed a diaper: No idea95: Got my nails done: Like never. Maybe once, but I do not remember that day very well at all, so it might have been some weird fever dream94: Went to a wedding: A couple years ago, I think?93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: No idea90: Texted: Earlier?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: I dunno, I laugh a lot, and I can’t quite pin down who does it the most88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My instruments, honestly87: The last movie I saw: Harry Potter and the Big-Ass Cup? I don’t remember which one. I want to say The Goblet of Fire, but that seems too logical. The one with the hedge maze of death, I wasn’t really paying attention86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Halloween!85: The thing im not looking forward to: Actually making a costume for Halloween!84: People call me: Weirdly nice things, it’s almost as if they haven’t met me or something83: The most difficult thing to do is: Stop time. I still haven’t figured it out82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No, but I’ve also never driven, so take of that what you will81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo80: The first person i talked to today was: My mom79: First time you had a crush: Back in elementary school sometime. Remembering what I was like back in elementary school, it’s probably best I didn’t say anything to anyone about it78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my fuckin grandma, her presence alone is enough to force the truth out of you77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Earlier today, I guess?76: Right now I am talking to: You, Anon!75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Kick a few habits, hopefully? Maybe develop a few healthier coping mechanisms? I’m not gonna pretend I know what I’m doing with my life74: I have/will get a job: I fuckin hope so73: Tomorrow: I’m gonna hope it goes well, and probably try to get my rent situation sorted out. Chances are I’m gonna really want to do something with some friends and completely miss the opportunity for one reason or another, I seem to have made a habit of that recently72: Today: I’ve gotta try and get some fuckin sleep honestly. I’ve also gotta remember to take that pill lest my stomach attempt to dissolve my fuckin throat again71: Next Summer: I’m gonna set up my Air Conditioner at the fuckin start of it, like a fucking smart person70: Next Weekend: I’ve got no plans69: I have these pets: I have two cats, two dogs, and two birds, it’s a fuckin zoo in here. I mean technically only one of the cats are mine but whatever68: The worst sound in the world: My fuckin midrange, help67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Dude I’ve only cried like twice in reliable memory, only one of them was actually brought on by anyone, so that guy, I guess66: People that make you happy: There’s just way too many to say, but I’d say a great many of my mutuals, followers, and whoever’s been sending me anons, I love you guys, as well as my Discord pals, obviously, you guys rock65: Last time I cried: Season 2, Episode 2464: My friends are: th fuckin best63: My computer is: Not quite my whole life, but a very significant portion of it62: My School: I’m not in one presently, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯61: My Car: What car?60: I lose all respect for people who: Can openly condemn a person they don’t know anything about.59: The movie I cried at was: It, uh, wasn’t a movie, for one, and for two, I’ll take that secret to my fuckin grave58: Your hair color is: Red57: TV shows you watch: Honestly, I just really don’t have time for TV56: Favorite web site: I dunno, probably either this one or YouTube, I don’t do a lot on the internet, honestly55: Your dream vacation: Visiting festivals in Norway and Finland54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When I got an ungodly sunburn on my back. Now, that may sound weak but keep in mind I was like ten and I burn faster than your average tank of gasoline. Like, it didn’t even compare to the times I tore open my legs on rocks, including the one that got infected and the anaesthetic-free treatment for that, just to give an indication of how bad that fucking burn was. I’ve been literally on fire and that was more pleasant than that fucking sunburn somehow53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m not big on steak, honestly52: My room is: My own. It’s a bit too hot, and it’s kinda small, but it’s mine and I’m very glad to have it51: My favorite celebrity is: Honestly? No clue.50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere with more food, I’m fuckin starving49: Do you want children: Maybe if I am ever able to competently raise some, but until then, no48: Ever been in love: Maybe? I don’t really know, as strange as that sounds47: Who’s your best friend: I’m not picking favourites46: More guy friends or girl friends: More guy, I think? I’m not gonna count them out, and I don’t know if most of the people I regard as friends really regard me as a friend in return, you know?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Fuckin, Music, man! It’s just so fantastic, I love it44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My dad. He’s a swell guy, I miss him43: Do you have a 5 year plan: A what42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Not really? I’ve got some things I’d like to do, but the chances I’ll ever be able to actually do them are… Slim41: Have you pre-named your children: No40: Last person I got mad at: Not sure. I rarely even get frustrated with anyone, let alone mad39: I would like to move to: I dunno, I don’t really have anywhere I could see myself settling down38: I wish I was a professional: Animator, musician, metalworker, I dunno[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Dark Chocolate Kit Kats, I fuckin love those things so much36: Vehicle: That fuckin huge ass speaker truck from Fury Road that I really want to say is the Doof Wagon, but I don’t remember for sure35: President: Chip Zanuff34: State visited: The State of Bliss is a favourite of mine. I’ve anted to try visiting the state of intense meditation, but alas, no luck yet33: Cellphone provider: No Preference32: Athlete: Honestly I don’t know the names of like any, dude31: Actor: Sir Christopher Lee, may he rest in peace30: Actress: I fuckin forgot her name, it’s gonna bother me for the rest of the week but rest assured as soon as I remember it there’s gonna be an allcaps text post that’s just her name, I assure you29: Singer: Joakim Broeden, Nina Osegueda, Christopher Bowes, and Anna Murphy, presently28: Band: Arsis, Children of Bodom, A Sound of Thunder, Alestorm and Sister Sin27: Clothing store: The fuckin music store lmao26: Grocery store: No preference25: TV show: Metalocalypse24: Movie: Kung Fury23: Website: Wasn’t that asked above? I think a few of these were, actually22: Animal: Snow Tigers. They’re cute but large cats, but with added majesty21: Theme park: I’ve been to like one theme park in my life, I can’t really say20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: Do the Armored Combat Leagues count? If so that18: Sport to play: See above answer17: Magazine: I don’t read magazines, sorry16: Book: I don’t have a favourite honestly15: Day of the week: Saturday, I guess?14: Beach: No idea13: Concert attended: I haven’t attended any, I don’t think. I might have been to one when I was in grade two, but that might have also been a weird fever dream, I’m not sure12: Thing to cook: Brownies and Cake! I just love to bake, honestly11: Food: Pizza and Pasta10: Restaurant: The Colander Restaurant. Literally the most amazing fucking spaghetti I have ever eaten in my entire fucking life. Seriously, it’s the best, go eat there9: Radio station: No preference8: Yankee candle scent: I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a yankee candle in real life, ever7: Perfume:Not a clue6: Flower: No idea5: Color: Red, Blue, Purple, Green, frankly I’d have a faster time listing off colours I don’t like/consider a favourite4: Talk show host: I don’t watch talk shows, sorry3: Comedian: No idea2: Dog breed: Samoyeds, they’re so cute I love them so much1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I’m allowed to lie??

[the-panic-the-static]

199: I was born in: 1998 198: I am really: shy 197: My cellphone company is: A1 196: My eye color is: blue 195: My shoe size is: 40 EU/9 US 194: My ring size is: wtf idk  193: My height is: 1,70 m/5′7″ 192: I am allergic to: nothing 191: My 1st car was: Citroen 190: My 1st job was: it was a summer job, sales assistant 189: Last book you read: - 188: My bed is: comfortable 187: My pet: - 186: My best friend: Sam 185: My favorite shampoo is: Inecto Naturals Coconut Shampoo! 184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox 183: Piggy banks are: sweet? idk 182: In my pockets: what 181: On my calendar: dates 180: Marriage is: unnecessary 179: Spongebob can: blow bubbles 178: My mom: is beautiful

177: The last three songs I bought were? It was an album, and idk which one

176: Last YouTube video watched: it was a game play 175: How many cousins do you have? 19 174: Do you have any siblings? yeah, one sister! 173: Are your parents divorced? no 172: Are you taller than your mom? I am 171: Do you play an instrument? No 170: What did you do yesterday? I was having dinner with a friend and played games! [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: not love, sympathy 168: Luck: kinda 167: Fate: no 166: Yourself: no 165: Aliens: no 164: Heaven: no 163: Hell: no 162: God: no 161: Horoscopes: no 160: Soul mates: no 159: Ghosts: no 158: Gay Marriage: I don’t believe in any marriage 157: War: no 156: Orbs: what 155: Magic: no [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: either 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: huh? 151: Red heads or Black haired: either 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: COLD 148: Summer or winter: WINTER 147: Autumn or Spring: AUTUMN 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: depends, but in general night 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate! 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: boots! 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly, sweet and poor please 137: Coke or Pepsi: neither 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: singing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: small town near a big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: I’ve never been at any of them 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither 128: Manicure or Pedicure: ?? 127: East Coast or West Coast: BITCH I’M FROM EUROPE IDK 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: idk, I don’t enjoy both tbh 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers! 124: Disney or Six Flags: uhhhhh 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Those questions are way too american [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: too much 121: George Bush: wtf, idk 120: Gay Marriage: I don’t believe in marriage 119: The presidential election: SORRY BUT IDK 118: Abortion: I’d never do it and so should neither of us 117: MySpace: don’t have 116: Reality TV: waste of money and time 115: Parents: I LOVE THEM 114: Back stabbers: GO TO HELL 113: Ebay: idk? 112: Facebook: good for the latest news about music/games! 111: Work: everyone should work 110: My Neighbors: don’t know them  109: Gas Prices: too fucking high over here 108: Designer Clothes: pretty often just waste of money 107: College: EVERYONE SHOULD GO IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT 106: Sports: Important! I wish I wasn’t that lazy though 105: My family: I love 104: The future: I’m scared of it [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: 8 days ago 102: Last time you ate: yesterday evening 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 2 weeks ago 100: Cried in front of someone: 8 days ago haha 99: Went to a movie theater: uggghh I really can’t remember, it’s been too long 98: Took a vacation: an week ago 97: Swam in a pool: uhm.. like, 8, 9 years ago 96: Changed a diaper: like 2, 3 years ago 95: Got my nails done: yesterday 94: Went to a wedding:I really can’t remember 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: when I was 15 91: Broke the law: idk 90: Texted: I’m texting with you rn  [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: some awesome dude called Daniel 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my XBox :( 87: The last movie I saw: I think it was Memento! I’m not too sure though 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: visiting my friends in Australia/US 85: The thing im not looking forward to: IDK 84: People call me: Jana 83: The most difficult thing to do is: ONE of it, listening to music while studying 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Gemini 80: The first person i talked to today was: Daniel 79: First time you had a crush: ugggh when I was 11? I guess, idk 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Sam 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: what, idk 76: Right now I am talking to: Daaaaaaniel 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: what is this question about HELP 74: I have/will get a job: soon, hopefuly 73: Tomorrow: I will bake a cake! 72: Today: was hella boring 71: Next Summer: IDK 70: Next Weekend: D: 69: I have these pets: - 68: The worst sound in the world: NOISY EATING 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex 66: People that make you happy: MY FRIENDS 65: Last time I cried: 2 days ago 64: My friends are: GREAT I LOVE Y’ALL 63: My computer is: I have a laptop 62: My School: I’M DONE WITH FUCKING SCHOOL 61: My Car: Citroen 60: I lose all respect for people who: HURT OTHERS  59: The movie I cried at was: never cried at one I think 58: Your hair color is: darkbrown/black 57: TV shows you watch: none 56: Favorite web site: probably tumblr or youtube 55: Your dream vacation: the northern European countries 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had something like kidney failure in 2012 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t really eat steaks 52: My room is: small and cleaned 51: My favorite celebrity is: JON 50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere where it’s cold! 49: Do you want children: I don’t think so 48: Ever been in love: yeah 47: Who’s your best friend: Sam 46: More guy friends or girl friends: Only guy friends except for one  45: One thing that makes you feel great is: GAMING 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: youuuu 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even know what to do tomorrow 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no 41: Have you pre-named your children: no 40: Last person I got mad at: IDK 39: I would like to move to: - 38: I wish I was a professional: gamer  [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: idk, I like ice cream if that counts 36: Vehicle: idkkk 35: President: what 34: State visited: I’ve never been to the US  33: Cellphone provider: idc? 32: Athlete: what 31: Actor: what 30: Actress: what 29: Singer: JONATHAN DAVIS 28: Band: KORN 27: Clothing store: - 26: Grocery store: - 25: TV show: - 24: Movie: caaaaan’t choose one 23: Website: tumblr/youtube 22: Animal: dogs! 21: Theme park: - 20: Holiday: idkkk 19: Sport to watch: I don’t watch sport 18: Sport to play: SAME 17: Magazine: Metal Hammer probably idk 16: Book: - 15: Day of the week: Saturday I guess 14: Beach: HATE 13: Concert attended: RAMMSTEIN! 12: Thing to cook: don’t have one 11: Food: I love Sushi 10: Restaurant: - 9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio 8: Yankee candle scent: what, idk 7: Perfume: at the moment, Thierry Mugler Alien it’s sooooo good 6: Flower: I just love all flowers! 5: Color: black EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT A COLOUR I KNOW, IDK I DO WHAT I WANT 4: Talk show host: - 3: Comedian: - 2: Dog breed: West Highland White Terrier! They’re so cute 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? YEAH

FINALLY. Thank you, Daniel!

[airoasis]

Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less

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Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less

never much like the Stanley cameos and definitely don’t like logos but this is goddamn touching but while we’re on the subject of opening logos for movies let’s frame it this way imagine buying the new Taylor Swift album but before you can hear me you have to first listen to 20 seconds of a universal music group audio jingle it would probably be rocking and full of tight harmonies but it would still forever be 20 seconds of norway’s standing between you and your music that’s what opening studio logos do for movies place my hands so angry oh my god they give us the name of the city the description of that city’s importance and then a third line with an utterly incomprehensible series of letter and number characters do you know what time it is Jesus Marvel movies young Dumbledore young Pope Sherlock Holmes is there any beloved institution that Jude Law hasn’t infiltrated anything you know funny how I was thinking the same thing about this chatty friendly fight scene which happens in every movie there’s nothing dangerous warrior an emotion not even a nuclear weapon a landmine sharp sword sniper’s bullet jagged rocks meat from a plant that once had an e.coli outbreak control your impulses so easy miss start using this there’s so much goddamn pedantic mansplaining in the beginning of this movie that I fast forwarded to the end where Carol blasts the Balrog and watched it three times in a row future VR requires artificial tendrils that get to know you better than your spouse just because it looks kind of cool doesn’t make it practical so the burrito supreme searches your thoughts and becomes the person that you’re closest to before communicating I mean contact got murdered for doing that at the end of the movie so long the scrolls have invaded yet another border planet this time Topher already lost me dude if you think for one minute I’m getting all this down plus the three or four other names organizations planets he mentions in this briefing you sadly overestimate my ability to give it well marvel do you read me anybody copy as technologically advanced as they are at a Cree or apparently still reliant on 1990s cellphone reception this is some dusty furry dust things suspense I’m no expert but maybe if you spent less time screaming you’d be able to do more scrolling no one will be seated during the bunch of old portion of the movie some stuff is happening just try and keep track of the purple in the green they’re on different sides I think movie does a great job advertising the Air Force you don’t now the movie does pile on a bit heavy with this stuff about her constantly being told she’s not good enough I get that people are told that but in movie form maybe we don’t need to see it a dozen times to get the point okay fine we need some back story on why Carroll’s so driven to be the best but this exposition brain probe really feels more like a Nike commercial than an MCU film okay wait can you change the way the camera of your memory tilts so that you can pick up fine details let’s just like the zoom and enhance cliche but for your brain dr.

Wendy Lawson that’s her so Carol can hear the scrolls that are digging around in her memories and she in memory reacts to it you can’t change an event by remembering it right fright she got knocked out cold and captured on that planet with a single blast of one of these space Tasers now she’s impervious to them that’s not exactly full-sized so I guess we can call this a little helm scream in case you thought this movie’s 90s references we’re gonna be subtle she crashed lands into a king blockbuster huh movies playing this is a visual gag but was Carol seriously gonna immediately shoot any non-threatening presents in this environment what if this were the janitor doing a late-night cleaning this top shelf here goes hudsucker proxy hook something else that I’m pretty sure is hamburger hill then first night then jumping jack flash jr.

And just cause I worked at three different blockbusters in my lifetime and you could fire four there you have one job and I think half these movies on the Shelf star Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger how likely in 1995 is it that a blockbuster would be advertising babe with a giant poster and standee when that was only released in August of that year the church wasn’t coming out on video at this point honestly we take care of those dirty looks is quite simply the worst dry-cleaning advertising slogan I could even fathom why does a dry-cleaning service even need a slogan look at you be better off just writing your hours of operation talk about some nuclear yadda yadda how the hell does outdated 90s tech and a payphone and turn into a communicator with the ability to send signals to her people millions of miles away in space all did it book work sure she could make a space phone out of that but she couldn’t bypass Ma Bell in the ill communication once it’s real aliens find the earth to be way less than acceptable cliche okay if this call is urgent enough to use the sirens why not take the cops and shield until after daybreak to respond why was shield alerted at all it’s a broken window in a fucking blockbuster okay this d aging technology has officially gotten creepy as hell I’ll be honest Jana fired Sam Jackson looks pretty awesome here and I am terrified of how that technology will definitely be used in the future this is the most convenient Road near a train situation any city planner ever cooked up in pursuit and she should be easy to track considering she’ll be the only person in Los Angeles to take the train sure Stanley could have been reading Kevin Smith’s mole rat script in 1995 the movie came out on October 20th 1995 so this could be early in the year when it was about to get shot or something the problem is the record story just left Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness being advertised here is coming soon or already out came out October 23rd 1995 and while it’s insane that those two things were only three days apart Stan Lee would not have been reading the script in October unless he was just getting nostalgic about his cameo for the residents of LA to jump to an old lady’s needs and all but how is this even possible you’re telling me that after all the kicking Carol’s done three regular ask commuters could temporarily restrain her fight chase on top of a moving train I feel like I’ve never seen that before except always of course it is tunnels the only logical choice once you’ve opted for fight on top of a train what I’m still here at the blockbuster Coulson saw fury take off forever ago so why is he just calling it also look I think the young ending effect they’re using on Sam Jackson is amazing but they must have used all the resources on that because Clark Craig’s face makes Jeff Bridges and Tron Legacy look like fine art look movie no one in a major city subway terminal would look this hard and long and a girl in a weird costume subway terminals are beacons for folks in weird costumes I rode a train once with spider-man and Marilyn Monroe and a guy that look exactly like Richard Grieco only I don’t think that was a costume I think that was just Richard Grieco there you go now that no one can tell that’s an alien no one will ask questions about the body with a jacket thrown over its face inside the wrecked car ah cool the doohickey that the scroll dropped on the train gets inserted into the whatchamacallit and immediately displays plot convenient footage perfectly edited for maximum exposition alta vista internet cafes modems big computer monitors wasn’t 1995 hilarious but seriously how would carol have the first goddamn clue how to work this fad and sure the motorcycle guy was an asshole and probably deserved it but what did this vintage boutique ever do to anyone hey how’s your eye that’s a fine yeah they’re not gonna hem handedly try and shoehorn a reason for Fury’s eye patch into this movie I got word on a motorcycle thief that fits her description but instead of immediately following up on that lead I’m gonna waste valuable time at shield espousing this clunky dialogue might even drink a tear wine and stop by Sam Goody’s to pick up a jagged little pill CD before I act on any of this information toggling Scrolls can only some recent memories of their host bodies that is literally the definition of a stupid restriction to put on an ability just for plot or hero reasons why should they even be able to access any memories if all they’re doing is copycatting where are you born Huntsville Alabama does this do Carroll except to provide a little more backstory for fury is she able to verify this bolt in any way Ruth you’re not a scroll Carol is a dick – what if this is a jukebox from the 90s has to be 30% ac/dc CDs 40% Tom Petty CDs 29% journey CDs and 1% Van Morrison CD is that a communicator yeah state of the art – wig agent which would in no way and work in a bunker like this but I’m gonna keep making these nostalgic references as long as Marvel pays me to do so Oh how did this cat get into this official government covert facility and did they know he was a flirt come if so why is he out roaming the halls hey that’s exactly how Eminem writes his lyrics I’ll assume Lawson was writing the follow-up to Stan I want to question her along that sounds well evil and/or dirty all I know is we take them in to dead or alive dead or alive yeah agreed that’s excessive it makes no sense unless your bosses bosses a scroll poly these are the loudest lights I’ve ever heard can you imagine the constant jump scares you’d have to endure if you were collating these records the CGI cat is a king abomination and yes the actress is allergic and they had to do a CGI cat in some places but just take twenty thousand dollars of the money you’re spending on unifying Sam Jackson and put it into realistic in the cat god damn also they ran into that cat on level five in the storage room and somehow it ran several floors away from that position and got into the hangar and onto a prototype aircraft that they would eventually use Maria Rambo so how do we get to Louisiana I’m sorry but the amount of information they’ve gleaned from a few seconds of glancing through the records like Maria’s exact address is such bull that this movie is actively starting to stink what is Ronan looked like a character from mist here Carol appeared almost lifelike on the hologram earlier and even in full color his accuser tech still using dial-up or something she flashes little moments but I can’t tell what’s real I’ll tell you what’s real someone on this movie set design team thinks this single mother living alone with her daughter keeps a bowl on the table with 16 lemons in it that’s real that happened you’d better come take a look at this cliche that was all that survived the crash well that’s a lie you’re telling me a prototype aircraft crashed and every single piece of it disintegrated into dust including the rest of this dog tag but not this tiny corner of dog tag you know you really should be kinder to your neighbors you never know when you’re gonna need to borrow some sugar this is pretty hilarious but it’s also ridiculous to think that the scrolls stopped off at a fast-food joint to pick up some burgers and shakes on the way to Louisiana and how would you know about the sugar borrowing habits of earthly suburban Knights this soon into your stay on the planet that was before on you you uh before I knew what made you different from me honest Talos had to have gotten this information before the confrontation at the Pegasus base since that’s where he heard the recorder so if he knew that then why did he try to kill Furies ass he knew they were working together and now he’s all peaceful I actually really like this characters turn but given the sequence of events it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense what’s happening it’s loading windows 95 okay so Jude Law shot Lawson before she could blow up the ship but it takes like 15 seconds for him to show up at a distance in all this smoke plus their obstructed somewhat by the crash ship and they’re on the down slope of a hill how did he know where to aim Carol got her powers by being fantastic forward by the warp engine but the energy only hit her despite yon raw and about the same distance away she assumed his power she’s coming with us okay I’d maybe buy that this recording spurred Carol’s memory to recall the crash but she’s being unconscious here so how would she know this part quick question why did they leave the main house and all go to the one day from collapse cabin to listen to the audio it makes a nice shot but it makes no sense from a human being standpoint is this houses only computer out in the decrepit barn why does Talos still have Keller’s jacket on we’ve seen that when they morph into other humans they already have their clothes on but now that he’s turned back into his natural shape that jacket should be gone right she wanted you to help us find the core and why the hell didn’t she tell Carol about the reason for the mission in the first place I know it would have been weird to come out as an alien but they were already in top-secret mode this withholding of information both makes about as much sense as what happened to Poe in the last Jedi did you hear me man this depiction of the friendship between two strong independent women that is emotional but not corny is long overdue and it’s about goddamn time that Marvel showed it so I’m gonna take us in off because I’m totally a social justice warrior or virtue signal or whatever the latest term that’s complimentary but is being used to be derogatory take it off this moonlight shot makes no sense the pole at the bottom right of the shot shows a shadow that matches up with the moon’s location but then the spaceship thing that veers flew here has a shadow that suggests another even stronger light source off-screen to the right when they were handing out kids they gave up a toughest one lieutenant trouble so is everything cool now like KanCare remember everything about her life on earth black box recording was fucking magic what purpose does this function of the spacesuit serve like some cream was almost finished designing it and the supreme intelligence poked its head in and was like don’t forget to add the unnecessary color wheel why did they bring the can captivate this cat will lead her freak out on fury and cut his face but he doesn’t want to do it here in zero gravity which is baffling because I’ve owned a cat before a lawnmower can freak them out a clap of thunder can freak them out suspending in zero gravity but but have them clawing out the eyeballs of all the motherfuckers nearby until they were on solid footing the cloaking activated holy balls is there anything this magical wrist doohickey can’t do can it order takeout purchase ebooks access free porn ah Who am I kidding of course it can access free porn in her note she called us a tesseract you know I’m fine with the timeline of the tesseract the idea that Howard Stark helped found Pegasus in the 80s and handed it over to this project is totally okay I’m just tired of the fucking tesseract it shows up and seemingly every movie being on tesseract and stuff she’s a pinball wizard it’s gotta be a twist a pinball wizard has got such a supple wrist evil dude picked up the cat carried it all the way here and just tosses it casually and that is a ton of wasted effort what did you do to your uniform he got in her head just like we thought when Carol’s been calling with updates constantly since she’s been on earth and there’s no way they would know that the scroll to flipped his jacket it’s killer by the way does the supreme intelligence seriously have the bandwidth and the inclination for pithy one-liners species flirty threat hi so I’ll calmly place a cat’s eyes muzzle over its mouth and I just happen to be carrying on my person without us you’re only human flesh you may be you’re only human to me mistakes this montage of various Carol’s getting up after falling down is excessive and on the nose and over-the-top anjala you were reborn fierce because every sci-fi movie apparently needs an alien race to miss read something and call it something else like Star Trek with Vedra Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes with kolima this goes on for some time I will say this about the movie it waits until the perfect time to unveil Carol’s true powers and this is a goosebumps inducing moment so it absolutely deserves us in off having said that this reveals sets up the same issue as DC has with Superman Carol is all-powerful she hasn’t discovered everything she could do yet but she’s pretty much unkillable now and future movies and game mm we’ll have to do a ton of hand waving and marginalization for her to be included at all into the rest of the MCU okay let playing on just a girl during the climactic scene of this movie that’s more on the nose than anything ever literally the only more on the nose song you could have chosen is Meredith Brooks bitch or maybe Barbie girl or Cyndi Lauper’s well the movie never explains it or even suggests it but jaan raghav errantly has the ability to manipulate metal like magneto and I needs more backstory than anything in this movie that you actually gave a backstory fool god damn huh did that happen the movie is directly contradicting its own previous implications about the power differential here oh they’re dogfighting in the canyons just like an independent Sky Captain and the world of to marvel dude Carroll may be all-powerful but does she also have a GPS built into her headpiece how the hell did she know exactly where yawn Rhonda DUP she didn’t even see him crash poop to me you can beat me this is a great moment but it was also super fucking obvious that it was gonna go down like this this is basically Indy taking out the sword guy with the gun and Raiders of the Lost Ark motherf lurkin I’ll be back before you know it she will not for emergencies only okay and real emergencies too not like of an alien species is invading one of your most populous cities and your shadow government is about to nuke the god of it as a result and really it would take a giant stroke of some luck and some space gravity to avoid total annihilation you could totally handle that you think you can find others like her we found her and we weren’t even looking okay the logic here is stunning and yes they do end up finding more heroes but it’s not because they already existed Carol was a one-in-a-billion fluke banner still hasn’t tested gamma radiation yet Tony has to be kidnapped and build a suit in a cave black widow is just a human badass and Hawkeye is decent too okay with arrows just how amazing with this cat vomit scene be if we didn’t know where the tesseract went during the sequence on lawson’s lab it might have felt worth sitting through the 12 minutes of credits might have there I said it I like a cat ah I’m just a free we have Vincent yeah we happy your father and I were just discussing his day at work why don’t you tell our daughter about it honey Janie today I quit my job and then I told my boss to go himself and then i blackmailed them for almost $60,000 past nice pair your father seems to think this kind of behavior something to be proud of and your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a king prisoner while she keeps my in a mason jar under the sink tell the supreme intelligence that I’m coming to end it you Tom I’m coming and hell’s coming with me before we get started does anyone want to get out you want to play blind man go walk with the shepherd me my eyes are wide just talk

[batterymonster2021]

Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/everything-wrong-with-captain-marvel-in-16-minutes-or-less/

Everything Wrong With Captain Marvel In 16 Minutes Or Less

never much like the Stanley cameos and definitely don’t like logos but this is goddamn touching but while we’re on the subject of opening logos for movies let’s frame it this way imagine buying the new Taylor Swift album but before you can hear me you have to first listen to 20 seconds of a universal music group audio jingle it would probably be rocking and full of tight harmonies but it would still forever be 20 seconds of norway’s standing between you and your music that’s what opening studio logos do for movies place my hands so angry oh my god they give us the name of the city the description of that city’s importance and then a third line with an utterly incomprehensible series of letter and number characters do you know what time it is Jesus Marvel movies young Dumbledore young Pope Sherlock Holmes is there any beloved institution that Jude Law hasn’t infiltrated anything you know funny how I was thinking the same thing about this chatty friendly fight scene which happens in every movie there’s nothing dangerous warrior an emotion not even a nuclear weapon a landmine sharp sword sniper’s bullet jagged rocks meat from a plant that once had an e.coli outbreak control your impulses so easy miss start using this there’s so much goddamn pedantic mansplaining in the beginning of this movie that I fast forwarded to the end where Carol blasts the Balrog and watched it three times in a row future VR requires artificial tendrils that get to know you better than your spouse just because it looks kind of cool doesn’t make it practical so the burrito supreme searches your thoughts and becomes the person that you’re closest to before communicating I mean contact got murdered for doing that at the end of the movie so long the scrolls have invaded yet another border planet this time Topher already lost me dude if you think for one minute I’m getting all this down plus the three or four other names organizations planets he mentions in this briefing you sadly overestimate my ability to give it well marvel do you read me anybody copy as technologically advanced as they are at a Cree or apparently still reliant on 1990s cellphone reception this is some dusty furry dust things suspense I’m no expert but maybe if you spent less time screaming you’d be able to do more scrolling no one will be seated during the bunch of old portion of the movie some stuff is happening just try and keep track of the purple in the green they’re on different sides I think movie does a great job advertising the Air Force you don’t now the movie does pile on a bit heavy with this stuff about her constantly being told she’s not good enough I get that people are told that but in movie form maybe we don’t need to see it a dozen times to get the point okay fine we need some back story on why Carroll’s so driven to be the best but this exposition brain probe really feels more like a Nike commercial than an MCU film okay wait can you change the way the camera of your memory tilts so that you can pick up fine details let’s just like the zoom and enhance cliche but for your brain dr.

Wendy Lawson that’s her so Carol can hear the scrolls that are digging around in her memories and she in memory reacts to it you can’t change an event by remembering it right fright she got knocked out cold and captured on that planet with a single blast of one of these space Tasers now she’s impervious to them that’s not exactly full-sized so I guess we can call this a little helm scream in case you thought this movie’s 90s references we’re gonna be subtle she crashed lands into a king blockbuster huh movies playing this is a visual gag but was Carol seriously gonna immediately shoot any non-threatening presents in this environment what if this were the janitor doing a late-night cleaning this top shelf here goes hudsucker proxy hook something else that I’m pretty sure is hamburger hill then first night then jumping jack flash jr.

And just cause I worked at three different blockbusters in my lifetime and you could fire four there you have one job and I think half these movies on the Shelf star Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger how likely in 1995 is it that a blockbuster would be advertising babe with a giant poster and standee when that was only released in August of that year the church wasn’t coming out on video at this point honestly we take care of those dirty looks is quite simply the worst dry-cleaning advertising slogan I could even fathom why does a dry-cleaning service even need a slogan look at you be better off just writing your hours of operation talk about some nuclear yadda yadda how the hell does outdated 90s tech and a payphone and turn into a communicator with the ability to send signals to her people millions of miles away in space all did it book work sure she could make a space phone out of that but she couldn’t bypass Ma Bell in the ill communication once it’s real aliens find the earth to be way less than acceptable cliche okay if this call is urgent enough to use the sirens why not take the cops and shield until after daybreak to respond why was shield alerted at all it’s a broken window in a fucking blockbuster okay this d aging technology has officially gotten creepy as hell I’ll be honest Jana fired Sam Jackson looks pretty awesome here and I am terrified of how that technology will definitely be used in the future this is the most convenient Road near a train situation any city planner ever cooked up in pursuit and she should be easy to track considering she’ll be the only person in Los Angeles to take the train sure Stanley could have been reading Kevin Smith’s mole rat script in 1995 the movie came out on October 20th 1995 so this could be early in the year when it was about to get shot or something the problem is the record story just left Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness being advertised here is coming soon or already out came out October 23rd 1995 and while it’s insane that those two things were only three days apart Stan Lee would not have been reading the script in October unless he was just getting nostalgic about his cameo for the residents of LA to jump to an old lady’s needs and all but how is this even possible you’re telling me that after all the kicking Carol’s done three regular ask commuters could temporarily restrain her fight chase on top of a moving train I feel like I’ve never seen that before except always of course it is tunnels the only logical choice once you’ve opted for fight on top of a train what I’m still here at the blockbuster Coulson saw fury take off forever ago so why is he just calling it also look I think the young ending effect they’re using on Sam Jackson is amazing but they must have used all the resources on that because Clark Craig’s face makes Jeff Bridges and Tron Legacy look like fine art look movie no one in a major city subway terminal would look this hard and long and a girl in a weird costume subway terminals are beacons for folks in weird costumes I rode a train once with spider-man and Marilyn Monroe and a guy that look exactly like Richard Grieco only I don’t think that was a costume I think that was just Richard Grieco there you go now that no one can tell that’s an alien no one will ask questions about the body with a jacket thrown over its face inside the wrecked car ah cool the doohickey that the scroll dropped on the train gets inserted into the whatchamacallit and immediately displays plot convenient footage perfectly edited for maximum exposition alta vista internet cafes modems big computer monitors wasn’t 1995 hilarious but seriously how would carol have the first goddamn clue how to work this fad and sure the motorcycle guy was an asshole and probably deserved it but what did this vintage boutique ever do to anyone hey how’s your eye that’s a fine yeah they’re not gonna hem handedly try and shoehorn a reason for Fury’s eye patch into this movie I got word on a motorcycle thief that fits her description but instead of immediately following up on that lead I’m gonna waste valuable time at shield espousing this clunky dialogue might even drink a tear wine and stop by Sam Goody’s to pick up a jagged little pill CD before I act on any of this information toggling Scrolls can only some recent memories of their host bodies that is literally the definition of a stupid restriction to put on an ability just for plot or hero reasons why should they even be able to access any memories if all they’re doing is copycatting where are you born Huntsville Alabama does this do Carroll except to provide a little more backstory for fury is she able to verify this bolt in any way Ruth you’re not a scroll Carol is a dick – what if this is a jukebox from the 90s has to be 30% ac/dc CDs 40% Tom Petty CDs 29% journey CDs and 1% Van Morrison CD is that a communicator yeah state of the art – wig agent which would in no way and work in a bunker like this but I’m gonna keep making these nostalgic references as long as Marvel pays me to do so Oh how did this cat get into this official government covert facility and did they know he was a flirt come if so why is he out roaming the halls hey that’s exactly how Eminem writes his lyrics I’ll assume Lawson was writing the follow-up to Stan I want to question her along that sounds well evil and/or dirty all I know is we take them in to dead or alive dead or alive yeah agreed that’s excessive it makes no sense unless your bosses bosses a scroll poly these are the loudest lights I’ve ever heard can you imagine the constant jump scares you’d have to endure if you were collating these records the CGI cat is a king abomination and yes the actress is allergic and they had to do a CGI cat in some places but just take twenty thousand dollars of the money you’re spending on unifying Sam Jackson and put it into realistic in the cat god damn also they ran into that cat on level five in the storage room and somehow it ran several floors away from that position and got into the hangar and onto a prototype aircraft that they would eventually use Maria Rambo so how do we get to Louisiana I’m sorry but the amount of information they’ve gleaned from a few seconds of glancing through the records like Maria’s exact address is such bull that this movie is actively starting to stink what is Ronan looked like a character from mist here Carol appeared almost lifelike on the hologram earlier and even in full color his accuser tech still using dial-up or something she flashes little moments but I can’t tell what’s real I’ll tell you what’s real someone on this movie set design team thinks this single mother living alone with her daughter keeps a bowl on the table with 16 lemons in it that’s real that happened you’d better come take a look at this cliche that was all that survived the crash well that’s a lie you’re telling me a prototype aircraft crashed and every single piece of it disintegrated into dust including the rest of this dog tag but not this tiny corner of dog tag you know you really should be kinder to your neighbors you never know when you’re gonna need to borrow some sugar this is pretty hilarious but it’s also ridiculous to think that the scrolls stopped off at a fast-food joint to pick up some burgers and shakes on the way to Louisiana and how would you know about the sugar borrowing habits of earthly suburban Knights this soon into your stay on the planet that was before on you you uh before I knew what made you different from me honest Talos had to have gotten this information before the confrontation at the Pegasus base since that’s where he heard the recorder so if he knew that then why did he try to kill Furies ass he knew they were working together and now he’s all peaceful I actually really like this characters turn but given the sequence of events it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense what’s happening it’s loading windows 95 okay so Jude Law shot Lawson before she could blow up the ship but it takes like 15 seconds for him to show up at a distance in all this smoke plus their obstructed somewhat by the crash ship and they’re on the down slope of a hill how did he know where to aim Carol got her powers by being fantastic forward by the warp engine but the energy only hit her despite yon raw and about the same distance away she assumed his power she’s coming with us okay I’d maybe buy that this recording spurred Carol’s memory to recall the crash but she’s being unconscious here so how would she know this part quick question why did they leave the main house and all go to the one day from collapse cabin to listen to the audio it makes a nice shot but it makes no sense from a human being standpoint is this houses only computer out in the decrepit barn why does Talos still have Keller’s jacket on we’ve seen that when they morph into other humans they already have their clothes on but now that he’s turned back into his natural shape that jacket should be gone right she wanted you to help us find the core and why the hell didn’t she tell Carol about the reason for the mission in the first place I know it would have been weird to come out as an alien but they were already in top-secret mode this withholding of information both makes about as much sense as what happened to Poe in the last Jedi did you hear me man this depiction of the friendship between two strong independent women that is emotional but not corny is long overdue and it’s about goddamn time that Marvel showed it so I’m gonna take us in off because I’m totally a social justice warrior or virtue signal or whatever the latest term that’s complimentary but is being used to be derogatory take it off this moonlight shot makes no sense the pole at the bottom right of the shot shows a shadow that matches up with the moon’s location but then the spaceship thing that veers flew here has a shadow that suggests another even stronger light source off-screen to the right when they were handing out kids they gave up a toughest one lieutenant trouble so is everything cool now like KanCare remember everything about her life on earth black box recording was fucking magic what purpose does this function of the spacesuit serve like some cream was almost finished designing it and the supreme intelligence poked its head in and was like don’t forget to add the unnecessary color wheel why did they bring the can captivate this cat will lead her freak out on fury and cut his face but he doesn’t want to do it here in zero gravity which is baffling because I’ve owned a cat before a lawnmower can freak them out a clap of thunder can freak them out suspending in zero gravity but but have them clawing out the eyeballs of all the motherfuckers nearby until they were on solid footing the cloaking activated holy balls is there anything this magical wrist doohickey can’t do can it order takeout purchase ebooks access free porn ah Who am I kidding of course it can access free porn in her note she called us a tesseract you know I’m fine with the timeline of the tesseract the idea that Howard Stark helped found Pegasus in the 80s and handed it over to this project is totally okay I’m just tired of the fucking tesseract it shows up and seemingly every movie being on tesseract and stuff she’s a pinball wizard it’s gotta be a twist a pinball wizard has got such a supple wrist evil dude picked up the cat carried it all the way here and just tosses it casually and that is a ton of wasted effort what did you do to your uniform he got in her head just like we thought when Carol’s been calling with updates constantly since she’s been on earth and there’s no way they would know that the scroll to flipped his jacket it’s killer by the way does the supreme intelligence seriously have the bandwidth and the inclination for pithy one-liners species flirty threat hi so I’ll calmly place a cat’s eyes muzzle over its mouth and I just happen to be carrying on my person without us you’re only human flesh you may be you’re only human to me mistakes this montage of various Carol’s getting up after falling down is excessive and on the nose and over-the-top anjala you were reborn fierce because every sci-fi movie apparently needs an alien race to miss read something and call it something else like Star Trek with Vedra Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes with kolima this goes on for some time I will say this about the movie it waits until the perfect time to unveil Carol’s true powers and this is a goosebumps inducing moment so it absolutely deserves us in off having said that this reveals sets up the same issue as DC has with Superman Carol is all-powerful she hasn’t discovered everything she could do yet but she’s pretty much unkillable now and future movies and game mm we’ll have to do a ton of hand waving and marginalization for her to be included at all into the rest of the MCU okay let playing on just a girl during the climactic scene of this movie that’s more on the nose than anything ever literally the only more on the nose song you could have chosen is Meredith Brooks bitch or maybe Barbie girl or Cyndi Lauper’s well the movie never explains it or even suggests it but jaan raghav errantly has the ability to manipulate metal like magneto and I needs more backstory than anything in this movie that you actually gave a backstory fool god damn huh did that happen the movie is directly contradicting its own previous implications about the power differential here oh they’re dogfighting in the canyons just like an independent Sky Captain and the world of to marvel dude Carroll may be all-powerful but does she also have a GPS built into her headpiece how the hell did she know exactly where yawn Rhonda DUP she didn’t even see him crash poop to me you can beat me this is a great moment but it was also super fucking obvious that it was gonna go down like this this is basically Indy taking out the sword guy with the gun and Raiders of the Lost Ark motherf lurkin I’ll be back before you know it she will not for emergencies only okay and real emergencies too not like of an alien species is invading one of your most populous cities and your shadow government is about to nuke the god of it as a result and really it would take a giant stroke of some luck and some space gravity to avoid total annihilation you could totally handle that you think you can find others like her we found her and we weren’t even looking okay the logic here is stunning and yes they do end up finding more heroes but it’s not because they already existed Carol was a one-in-a-billion fluke banner still hasn’t tested gamma radiation yet Tony has to be kidnapped and build a suit in a cave black widow is just a human badass and Hawkeye is decent too okay with arrows just how amazing with this cat vomit scene be if we didn’t know where the tesseract went during the sequence on lawson’s lab it might have felt worth sitting through the 12 minutes of credits might have there I said it I like a cat ah I’m just a free we have Vincent yeah we happy your father and I were just discussing his day at work why don’t you tell our daughter about it honey Janie today I quit my job and then I told my boss to go himself and then i blackmailed them for almost $60,000 past nice pair your father seems to think this kind of behavior something to be proud of and your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a king prisoner while she keeps my in a mason jar under the sink tell the supreme intelligence that I’m coming to end it you Tom I’m coming and hell’s coming with me before we get started does anyone want to get out you want to play blind man go walk with the shepherd me my eyes are wide just talk