#but yeah anyway it’s wild because then you look at the US candidates and its like yeah yeah tell me again which one is the quote unquote

[canisvesperus]

Don’t get me wrong I do not believe in the whole institution of nation states and governmental hegemony etc but Mexico’s first woman president being a Jewish scientist is making me die because that would not happen in a hundred years in the US.

[thenexusofsouls]

"Yeah, it would be wild... in all the wrong ways," Wade said. "Better that, though, I guess, than... than losin' your kid entirely..." And just like that, he had kindof a moment with himself. His head shook a little as he tried to get rid of the thought. What would his and Rose's kid been like? Would she even have let him be a part of its life? If Crenshaw had lived, would Rose have wanted to raise the kid with him instead? He'd never know... 'cause Crenshaw, Rose, and the baby were all dead because of his catastrophic failure as a leader and a friend. Wade cleared his throat awkwardly. "Anyway..." he whispered.

"I'm definitely not the ideal candidate for 'dad,' that's for sure. I guess it couldn't hurt to try at some point, but... not with my life the way it is now. I don't wanna be the reason my kid grows up angry at the world because he had a shitty childhood, you know? It's a big deal, bein' a parent. If I don't think I can do it right, then I'm not gonna do it," Wade said firmly. That it was important to him was plain to see.

Wade felt so badly for Rockland. Clearly, he was a great kid. Good head on his shoulders. Some issues, but all good kids had a sprinkling of those. To hear him say he kept messing up all the time made Wade sad, because that wasn't coming from him, it was coming from someone who kept telling him that. "Sounds like a problem with whoever's sayin' that, not you. So what if you keep messin' up? Mistakes are important in life, man. That's how people learn things. That's how we find out what not to do, and how not to conduct ourselves. Every kid makes mistakes and screws things up, they're still learnin' shit. If someone keeps harpin' on that like it's somehow unacceptable or somethin' out of the ordinary, sounds like their hang up, not yours."

He knew well, though, how powerless kids were sometimes to help themselves. They only had so much agency and then it was up to the parents, the guardians, the relatives, etc. to be the teachers and protectors. If those people dropped the ball or were abusive, kids couldn't do much about that most often. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'd say you could come stay with me, but I think that's call child abduction in most states," he said by way of a little levity, since the boy looked so downtrodden. "But hey... I'm probably gonna stick around in this city for a while. If you ever need help, you need a place to stay overnight, you need a little cash to get by... you can always ask me, okay? It won't fix everything, I know, but maybe it'll take the edge off to know you've got a safety net, right?"

Wade let Rockland look at the photo as long as he wanted before putting it back into his wallet. "Yeah, they were. They were really good people who didn't deserve to die like that," Wade said stoically. "That photo was as painful as it was somethings he could never part with.

He tried his best to answer the boy's question without getting too dark again. "Yeah, I had the most experience out of all of 'em. We uh... Sometimes when you go after bail jumpers, things get ugly. They run, they fight back, sometimes there's guns or knives or explosives involved, so we had our own weapons and tactical gear and all that. We functioned like a military unit, and I was like their officer. Ronnie and me, we were actually retired military, so we had more formal training, and we helped make sure everybody else knew how to use all the weapons and equipment, everybody understood the laws and what we were allowed to do, all that stuff. I researched the jobs, I made the plans, and out in the field, I gave the orders, and everybody had their part. Sometimes time and safety were an issue, so we had to be a well-oiled machine, you know? And we were, I thought. 'Til I went and fucked it all up. They did what I said, no questions asked. I demanded it of 'em. I ran a tight ship. And I got 'em all killed."

"Opera? Get the hell outta here, what're you talkin' about, opera..." Wade said, laughing more. "Do I look like I'd belt out an aria to you? Nah, man, I'm all about rock. Classic rock, that's where it's at. What about you, what kinda music're you into?"

When Rockland whipped out his own family photograph, Wade nodded. "Nice. Is that you in there?" he asked, pointing to the woman's belly. "That's nice that you carry that with you like that. It's important to remember loved ones. It keeps us grounded, right? It's not good to go around with your head stuck in the clouds." He'd meant that as a real sentiment, but then, feeling things were getting a bit heavy, he tried to lighten the mood once more. "Foggy clouds in your face... gettin' rained on... every now and then a migratin' goose flies at your head, you get hit upside the head with goose ass, it's just not good to keep your head up there."

Well that caught their attention alright. A middle finger had shot into the air, directed at a group of teens across the street who were hovering by a Duncan Donuts long closed for the night. The boy beneath the hoodie, propelling said finger, sneered. Just like that, the group of five moved towards him, the tallest, Shacks, sauntering forward with an irritating air of confidence. And to think, there'd been a time when Rockland had thought he was cool.

"You can't seriously blame us, Rocky." He looked to the others with cruel amusement, "It was a prank, get a sense of hum-" Too busy searching for the favour of his crew, he'd missed the draw of the younger teen's fist before it met his cheek.

"Prank my ass, I could've been arres-oof." Rockland was tackled by Archie, the smallest of the bunch, who was about a head shorter than he was, but kinda stalky for his age, and with the element of surprise on his side. Cane clattering out of hand, and across the sidewalk, the lanky teen scraped across the pavement, electric pain radiating up from his tailbone. He caught the breath that had been knocked out of him just in time to catch the thump of a fist to the nose in return. - For Wade

Wade didn't know what to make of this city yet. He'd only been here a couple days and was still trying to get his bearings. It wasn't a bad city, he thought, just cold. Just... really cold when you're alone, like all cities are. Nevertheless, Wade did some hunting and stocked up on other supplies, always wanting to stay on the move. That's how he got jobs, and that's how he kept sane.

Tonight had been quiet enough so far... that is until he heard sounds of a fight. But a fight... between kids? Was he hearing this right? Wade made his way toward the sounds, and sure enough, some kids whose parents were absent and whose bedtimes must be fast-approaching were going at it. Or rather, several kids were beating up on one unfortunate one.

"Hey! Come on, cut it out, what the hell're you guys doin'?!" Wade yelled, hoping to scatter the bullies. "You know better than this, get off him! Don't make me call the cops!" he said, watching as they all scattered... save for one. Wade knelt down beside the boy lying on the ground. "Hey, buddy, you okay?" he asked gently.

[wincore]

romeo roulette | jung yoonoh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader

summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)

words: 21.2k

warnings: language

song recs: playlist here !

a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3

It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.

Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.

You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.

There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth. 

You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you). 

They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.

This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago. 

If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t. 

It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.

Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.

So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.

“And I get what out of this?”

“Me? Temporarily, that is.”

Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work.  As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.

“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”

“Wait!” 

You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance. 

“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.

“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.

His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”

“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”

He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”

“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”

“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”

“I really will ask him.”

“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”

You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.

“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”

You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.

Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”

“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”

He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face. 

“On one condition.”

Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.

“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”

“No way.”

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”

You stare at him, weighing the odds. 

“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.

Jaehyun shrugs.

“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”

You mutter the last part.

He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.

“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”

“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”

“We have an agreement,” he repeats.

Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked). 

The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.

"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."

Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect. 

“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.

“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”

You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”

Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”

"You should." You glare at her.

Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most. 

“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”

Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"

"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.

"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.

"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."

You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"

You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky. 

"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”

“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.

Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."

"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.

"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.

"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"

Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".

You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."

Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."

The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.

Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."

"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.

"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."

People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod. 

"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."

Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."

"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.

"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"

"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."

Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"

Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”

“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.

The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult. 

“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.

Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”

A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.

“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”

“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.

Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”

“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”

Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well. 

“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”

“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”

You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”

Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.

“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”

You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”

“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”

Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”

You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”

Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”

She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”

Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”

You raise an eyebrow. “So?”

“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise. 

“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.

You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?

“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.

“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.

You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.

“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.

“Shh. What if they hear us?”

“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”

You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”

Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.

“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.

Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”

You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”

“Huh?”

You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.

However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.

Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.

“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”

“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.

“Where are you headed to?” You ask.

“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”

“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.

“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole. 

You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”

Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”

Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”

He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.

“—Around ten minutes left.”

You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”

“That sounds like a load of—”

You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.

“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.

Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.

“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.

“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”

“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.

“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.

Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing. 

"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."

"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."

Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."

You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."

You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."

Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."

Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"

Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."

You giggle. "Alright, handsome."

Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.

“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.

He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”

You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”

“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”

“You think you’re so—”

The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk. 

Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.

“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”

“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“I find it plenty funny.”

“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t look so smug.”

Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea. 

Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.

You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach. 

However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now. 

You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.

“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks. 

You roll your eyes. 

“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.

“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.

“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”

“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”

Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage. 

“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.

“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”

“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”

You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts. 

“Thanks,” you mutter.

He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”

He laughs. “What are we, in college?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”

“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer. 

“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”

You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”

He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”

You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring. 

“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away. 

Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”

“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”

Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.

“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.” 

Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”

“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”

He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?

“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”

You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.

“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”

“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks. 

Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”

Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”

“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”

You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.

“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”

“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”

Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh. 

Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.

The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way? 

Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.

A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful. 

You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.

Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love. 

Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing. 

“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”

“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.

The two of you look at each other.

“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”

“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”

You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter. 

“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”

You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.

“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.

You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).

“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”

“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”

You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”

Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”

You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.

“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”

“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”

“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”

The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.

“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”

He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.

“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”

“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do. 

You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.

“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage. 

Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”

“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.

Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”

You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”

“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”

“Dammit.”

Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back. 

“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.

An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).

“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice. 

Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.

“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”

“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.

“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.

“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”

You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.

“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”

“Like what?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer.

“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”

You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”

“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”

You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.

The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.

“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.

You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.

"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.

Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."

"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.

"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."

"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.

"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."

"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."

"You're the one that wants to kiss me."

Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."

Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).

“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.

Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.

“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him. 

“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”

You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”

“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”

You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”

He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”

“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”

Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”

“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”

“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.

“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”

“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.

You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.

You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.

Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.

“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”

“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“So, yes or no?”

“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”

Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.

“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”

Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.

“No,” he says with clear emphasis. 

“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”

Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”

You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand. 

“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.

He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”

He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.

“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Definitely.”

He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.

He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”

“It’s not officially there.”

You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”

“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”

He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.

“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”

Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.

“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?” 

The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.

“Huh?”

“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”

“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”

“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.

Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front. 

“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.

“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”

You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”

Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”

You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all. 

“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.

“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“They’re both the same thing.”

The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.

Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.

You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.

“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”

“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.

Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”

“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window. 

“You saved me,” you say, smiling.

He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.

You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).

It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.

You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.

Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”

You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”

“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”

“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.

“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”

You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.

“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”

You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.

“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”

You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment. 

“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”

You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”

“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”

You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews. 

You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.

“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.

He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door. 

“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”

Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”

You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.

“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”

You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”

“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”

“So?”

“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”

“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”

“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”

“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”

“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”

“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.

“You clearly liked it,” he mutters. 

You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”

“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”

You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”

He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.

Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to. 

“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”

“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.

Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”

“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”

You look at her, puzzled.

“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.

“Don’t give me that cr—”

“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”

You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.

Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.

“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.

“Of course it is,” you mutter. 

You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.

“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”

You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”

“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now. 

“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”

You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.

“There.”

“It’s hot in here.”

“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”

“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”

“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”

Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut. 

“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”

“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”

You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.

“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”

Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”

“He does?”

Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.

“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”

“Hm. Funny coincidence.”

“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”

“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down. 

It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.

“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.

“For what? Being perfect and successful?”

“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”

You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.

The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand. 

“I’m so sorry!”

You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.

You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.

“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”

You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”

“Sorry,” he responds quietly. 

There’s a pause.

“Did you just kiss me right now?”

“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.

“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.

“What are you implying?” 

“You wanted to kiss me.”

You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.” 

You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough. 

Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.

//

You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?

“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.

“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”

He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.

"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"

Or maybe it won’t.

"Never heard that before."

"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance. 

"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"

You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"

"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."

Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."

"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."

"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"

You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"

He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.

“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.

“Well, not exac—”

“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”

Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.

You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.

“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”

Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.

Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty. 

Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.

The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.

HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.

“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.

Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”

“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity. 

Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.

“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”

Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.

“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.

The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?

All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces. 

Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.

“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.

“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.

“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”

Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”

“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”

Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.

You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.

“I told you we’d win,” you say.

Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”

You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.

“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”

You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.

“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”

That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile. 

“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.

“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.

“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.

It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”

Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all. 

Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face. 

“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”

“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”

He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.

“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”

“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?” 

“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized. 

But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.

“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly. 

You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”

Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.

You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”

Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.

“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”

“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”

“Too?”

“Shut up.”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.

“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.

They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.

“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”

“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”

Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.

“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.

“Sure.” 

You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now. 

Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.

“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”

It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.

“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”

You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.

“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”

“I think people in love are always brave.”

You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.

Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.

“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”

“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.

“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”

You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.

Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.

A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.  

Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.

This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.

You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)

You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.

“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”

“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.

She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”

“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”

“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”

“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”

His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.

Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to. 

“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.

His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.

“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”

“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”

Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.

“Don’t.”

You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively. 

“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.

Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.

"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."

Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"

You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."

"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.

"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.

"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”

"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."

Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner. 

"Have this mint or else."

You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you. 

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."

"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."

"By me, right?"

"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."

You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.

"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.

"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."

Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."

You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."

“Huh. You might be right about that.”

There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.

He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"

You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”

Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”

“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.

You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.

You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”

Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”

“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily. 

“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“So I’m right?”

You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.

Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.

You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work. 

It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.

He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature. 

You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct. 

The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.

“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.

“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”

You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”

“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.

The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.

It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.

What do lovers do anyway?

This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling. 

You don’t mind it one bit.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you. 

“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”

“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.

You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.

You let out another huff of complaint.

"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"

You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.

“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.

You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette? 

While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.

He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.

“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”

You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty. 

“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”

“You faltered for a moment there.”

That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.

“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”

 “I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.

“Wow, you must be a masochist.”

“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”

You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”

“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”

Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.

“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”

“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”

You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.

You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?

“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”

Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.

“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.

“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”

You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.

“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?

You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”

“Maybe you enjoy my company?”

“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”

He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.

“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.

“And chill?”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”

You inhale, an idea presenting itself.  

“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.

“No.”

“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.

Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.

There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.

“Yes,” you answer.

If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.

You should not have said that. But you feel loved.

Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.

“It’s pretty,” he whispers.

It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.

You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.

“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.

You exhale.

“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.

He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”

“Jaehyun—”

“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”

You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.

You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong. 

Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.

Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.

Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.

“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks. 

You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.

“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”

“I’m sorry” is all you can say.

“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”

You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”

He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”

Because misery likes company.

“I’m sorry.”

It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.

Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?

However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.

"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.

“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff. 

Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.

It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.

Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.

He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.

It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.

You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there’s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.

You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.

“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”

“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you. 

You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a 

“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”

You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”

“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”

Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”

“Dongmin.”

You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have. 

Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.

“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”

Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.

“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”

His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.

“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.

“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”

A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.

Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.

“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”

You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”

He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.

“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”

“But—”

“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”

You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to. 

When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.

“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”

Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.

“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.

“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh. 

It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.

“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”

Into this loveless hell made for you.

“(name).”

It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you. 

“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.

You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.

Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.

You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.

“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”

A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.

“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”

You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.

“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”

He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.

“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.

Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”

Dongmin takes a sharp breath.

“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”

“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.

“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”

“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”

“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”

“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”

“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.

“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.

He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.

“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”

Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.

“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”

He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.

“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”

You point from him to yourself.

“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”

Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.

“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”

“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.” 

You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them. 

“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”

Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?

The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.

You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.

Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse. 

No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.

You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.

You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.

Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away. 

“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.” 

“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.” 

Oh no. You know where this is going.

“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I’d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”

Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”

You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”

You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”

Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”

“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.

You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.

Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.

“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.

“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.

“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.

“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”

“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”

Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.

“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”

“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.

“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.

Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway? 

Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.

Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’

Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.

You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).

You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.

You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.

You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.

“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”

“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look. 

“That’s not important! Look—”

He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know. 

Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”

“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”

“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.

He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”

You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.

You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no. 

However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.

“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”

He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.

You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.

“Kiss me again.”

Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.

“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”

You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”

You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.

“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.

“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.

“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.

“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”

“Please don’t do that.”

You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss. 

“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. 

You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”

“Do you even have food?”

You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.

“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”

You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”

“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.

You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.

“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.

You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.

“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”

You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.

You gasp.

“You were right!”

“I told you s—”

"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."

Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”

"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale. 

Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."

You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.

“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”

“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”

You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response. 

“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”

Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”

 “And you like being pushed around, nerd.”

“Who said that?”

Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.

“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”

His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”

“Five times, if you ask.”

He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”

You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.

You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit. 

[astaroth1357]

Okay, but like could you imagine how the demon bros would react if MC had a fanclub, because I feel like that would be wild lol

The Brothers v. The MC’s Fanclub

Surely, the italics blurb was meant for more than this! Any old letters in any order could have been strung together for the purpose of wasting space and yet here it is, a being brought forth with intent! With substance! The blurb has a need for greater purpose, but what is it to do when its sole function is to only exist?? How can it ever hope to fulfill its ambition when it's no more than a proto-intro to a fuller, more engaging story?! Surely… Surely there is a way...

Lucifer

He had expected a human in the Devildom would have been eaten… not popular!

The MC’s rise to the social hierarchy sidelined him hard. When he had assigned Mammon to guard their human, it was with the expectation of keeping hungry demons at bay… not ushering them through crowds of followers like a security detail.

Honestly, it’s more inconvenient than anything… The MC’s fans are actually worse than his own at taking a hint and he had to give the human a map of school just to find ways to avoid them in the halls!

They usually know better than to crash any dates that the two are on (this is Lucifer we’re talking about), but they get no privacy at RAD anymore… If he tries to meet up with the MC for anything, he has to go round up all their crazed stalkers groupies before he can actually say anything.

He’d expel them all if he could, but since Diavolo holds onto that power, he just gives any of them that get in his way an eternal detention… Can’t bother MC if you’re sealed in a closet, now can you?

Mammon

His possessiveness and his need to make money are at real odds with themselves…

On the one hand, it’d be so easy to milk these fools like no tomorrow! He could sell them practically anything the MC’s touched from old shirts to toothbrushes. Pictures could go for twice as much and if he could get the MC to give out hugs…? They’d be loaded!! Loaded, baby!!!

… But then one of them tries to get too close to MC and he feels the urge to sock him in the jaw… Like, they’re suckers, obviously, but the MC is still HIS MC. The idea of a bunch of groupies following them around… it gets under his skin something fierce.

He pretty much won’t leave their side at all at RAD just so he can swat away their fans whenever he gets the chance. He may as well be their personal bodyguard, the second a guy gets too close, Mammon will have him by the back of the neck and toss him out on his ass.

It doesn’t stop him from making money off them completely (this is Mammon we’re talking about) but he makes sure they stick to whatever worthless cast-offs he pawns on them. The real deal is his and his alone, ya hear?

Levi

Jealous boi is jealous and he doesn’t want to talk about it.

The second he found out the MC had their own fanclub he knew he hated them. He’s an otaku and a huge ass simp for people in both 2 and 3 dimensions. That means he knows what fans like this do to the people they idolize… 

Just the thought of the MC’s groupies trying to get candid shots of them or going after everything from their pencils to their bathwater… Nope. No. Not allowed. Not with his MC anyway.

He starts going out to RAD more often just to stake his claim when those losers are around (yes, even he considers them to be losers… not that he has much leg to stand on but hey). 

Normally stuttery and blushy Levi suddenly upgrades to a confident snek boy literally any time he sees their fans around. He’s gotta be touching them somehow and he’ll smile in their direction like a smug asshole the entire time. Yeah that’s right… be jealous of him for a change, you simps.

Satan

Dear lord are they an annoying bunch…

Satan isn’t opposed to the MC having fans in principle, on some level he even understands it. They’re a human in a world full of demons and that’s going to turn some heads on its own, but that doesn’t mean they have to be SO IRRITATING about it...

Satan will just be walking with the MC out in the courtyard and they’ll have fans practically nipping their heels for attention… He’d be much more patient with them if they didn’t insist on following the MC everywhere, even when they clearly don’t want them around!

Satan ends up becoming a second bodyguard for the MC when Mammon’s not around. Most of the club will keep their distance from him after just a glare but he’ll start breaking arms if pushed. Satan doesn’t play.

One unfortunate soul made the mistake of trying to take a bit of the MC’s hair for a spell and Satan caught him, scissors at ready and everything… No one talks about where those scissors ended up afterward…

Asmo

Actually isn’t as irritated with their fanclub as everybody else because, like, have you seen his? It’s just one of the joys (and challenges) of being so popular! Slay it, MC!!

Asmo is the only one who tries to encourage the MC to interact with their fans more because he’s experienced the benefits for himself. 

Having a loyal fanclub can be so heartwarming at times! It’s like having a group of people always willing to pump to you up all the time - and who doesn’t need that?

Often invites their fanclub to join his fanclub to make “crossover” parties where they all can mingle together and enjoy heaps of praise! (The MC’s actual enjoyment of these “parties” is entirely up to their tolerance of sycophantic idol worship…)

Asmo does have his limits though. The MC’s lips really only belong to him and any fan who thinks otherwise will have to deal with the full verbal fury of the fifthborn… He has made several of them dropout completely… 

Beel

Thought their club was maybe a little weird at first but tried to keep an open mind… 

They certainly aren’t like HIS fanclub (who are just the sweetest people) but they liked the MC and he liked the MC. They couldn’t have been that different, right?

Wrong. Very, very wrong. They are nothing alike.

This fact became abundantly clear to Beel after he watched a few of them steal the MC’s gym shoes from their locker… Yeah, he’s not about these guys much after that.

Mammon refused to let Beel take over as the MC’s 24/7 bodyguard, but he did become the primary muscle of the “MC Security Squad.” If a fan gets a little too crazy, then Beel straightens them out with a fist and a smile.

Belphie

Heeeey, good job MC, you got some minions! Now you just got to learn how to use them.

At least, that’s what he says but he’s not actually going to teach them or anything. Does he look like a tutor to you? Too much work...

Whether or not the MC learned how to exploit their popularity properly, he doesn’t like it when they’re around anyway. Belphie’s a very, “Me Time means Just ME” sort of guy and having a bunch of losers following the MC around gets in the way of their lunchtime cuddle…

Unlike everyone else, though, Belphie has his own minions to do his bidding so now Belphie’s fanclub and the MC fanclub are having all-out wars between class periods. We’re talking fistfights, blackmail, and firecrackers. Shit gets wild.

Not that Belphie really cares or even looks as involved in any of it as he actually is. Little does the MC know that every time they pull him in for a snuggle, he’s probably just ordered someone to slash some poor groupie’s tires… Don’t fuck with the Sleep King.

[makeste]

Do you think Deku will ever get mad at All-Might for keeping so many secrets from him? Deku has been giving All-Might free passes on things he should have known about like AFO, previous holders of OFA and now that Tomura is Nana's grandson. It feels like AM needs to be held accountable at some point.

I think it’s likely; he’s gotten fairly mad at him about this before, back when All Might hid the truth about his falling-out with Nighteye.

and he’s probably going to feel a bit betrayed at the realization that All Might is still keeping things from him even after this conversation. and it’s not like it’s just small things, either; these are some pretty major things that Deku is still getting blindsided by as a result of All Might’s secrecy. it feels like AM hasn’t really learned his lesson at all and is still Dumbledoring his way through this mentorship.

but the thing is, I can understand All Might’s point of view here as well, and I get why he keeps doing it, even if I don’t agree with it. I’ve been meaning to write a post about this anyway, especially since it ties into the matter of the Fourth OFA User and his quirk, so let’s take a look at All Might’s ever-growing List of Secrets, because there’s a pattern there.

1. OFA

starting with the big one. now obviously Deku is very much in on this particular secret. however it is still a secret from just about everyone else, and it’s probably the one secret that All Might has been the most adamant about keeping, going to increasingly elaborate lengths even as it becomes more and more obvious that all of these efforts are eventually going to prove futile.

the thing is, it’s pretty obvious why he’s been trying so hard to keep the truth of Deku’s quirk hidden. OFA paints a huge target onto Deku’s back, one that would attract notice not just from the villain side, but from the hero side as well. OFA is basically the ultimate prize. it’s probably the most powerful quirk in existence, aside from AFO. and once word gets out that this power can be passed on to literally anyone simply at will, things could start getting very ugly.

Deku would suddenly come under pressure from all sides, with people trying to use and control him (well, I say “people”, but mainly I mean the HPSC sob). that’s if they see him as a useful tool and a weapon in the battle against the League, mind you. but if they decide that he’s not, or that he’s not ready, there would instead be pressure for him to give up OFA to a “worthier” candidate. either way, Deku himself isn’t going to be taken into account. his thoughts, his feelings, what he wants, what he deserves; none of that is going to matter to these people.

and these are the good guys, mind! that’s not even mentioning the villains, who have already destroyed an entire city in pursuit of him. Deku is in a lot of danger now. and so far, Tomura/AFO have been surprisingly honorable in their attempts to get ahold of OFA, in that they’ve been targeting Deku directly. but AFO is a notoriously underhanded guy, and it concerns me that there are a ton of more underhanded methods still on the table for him to try out. because we’ve already established that Deku is notoriously self-sacrificing. I mean literally notorious, as in both his friends and enemies alike have all picked up on this trait and made a note of it. so imagine if Tomura ever decides to take hostages, for instance. “give me OFA or I’ll kill so and so.” then what?? jesus.

so yeah, all in all it’s pretty clear why All Might has been exceedingly careful about keeping OFA a secret even from most of Deku’s allies. this isn’t even getting into the whole U.A. traitor thing as well, but I mean, you get the idea, right? the reason All Might has gone to such lengths to keep OFA a secret is to protect Deku.

2. AFO

and now we get to the first of many things that All Might kept hidden from Deku himself! and these are generally going to be a lot harder to defend. like yeah, you probably should have told this barely-pubescent child that that the quirk you were giving him came prepackaged with a built-in mortal enemy, All Might. might want to actually lead with that part next time.

so why didn’t he tell Deku about AFO? well first of all please understand that I’m not trying to justify this decision, lol; I’m just trying to rationalize it from All Might’s point of view. he was less than six years removed from his fateful battle with AFO in which the both of them were gravely injured. and yes, he said that he believed AFO had died from his wounds; but if he really thought that was true, why didn’t he listen to Nighteye and pass OFA on to someone else back then? why did he stubbornly stay in the field for as long as he could? his actions just don’t line up. if he really thought AFO was dead, you’d think he would have been able to retire in peace, as there wouldn’t have been such a great need for the Symbol anymore.

so honestly, what I’m learning towards here is that he didn’t really believe it, deep down. but once his powers really started to wane, he felt like he had no choice but to pass the quirk on to someone else and just hope for the best. and then, once he met Deku, I think he really started to want to believe it was true. because he empathized with Deku and he saw himself in him, and he wanted to give him that chance. Deku wanted so badly to be a hero, and All Might saw that he had the heart and the spirit of one, and only lacked the physical ability. and there All Might was, with a quirk he could bestow on him that could potentially make his dream come true. he wanted to believe he could do that. he convinced himself that the threat of AFO really was nonexistent -- after all, it had been six years! -- and that it wasn’t a burden he was passing down onto this child anymore, but a gift.

and so he didn’t tell Deku about AFO because he wanted to believe it wasn’t something Deku needed to know. so in this case it wasn’t just Deku he was essentially lying to, but himself as well. so yeah, not the best rationale in the world, but a very human mistake for him to make, and one that once again has its roots in wanting to protect Deku. or more precisely in this case, wanting to protect Deku’s dream. he wanted to believe it was all right for him to hand down this power which he so strongly believed that Deku deserved.

3. the Vestiges

honestly it’s a bit up in the air whether or not this one was really a secret, because All Might genuinely didn’t seem to realize that the Vestiges were conscious inside of OFA. or so he says at any rate. regardless, I’m going to include it in the list because he was definitely acting pretty cagey about the subject back during the sports festival, and I’ve never been fully satisfied with his explanation.

if you ask me? I think one of the reasons why he didn’t want to discuss this more in depth with Deku back then was because he was afraid it might inadvertently lead to some other topics that he wasn’t yet ready to discuss.

the idea of the previous OFA users living on inside the quirk is comforting in some ways, but that’s also a conversation that inevitably leads to the subject of AFO and AFO’s brother just for starters. not to mention Nana, whose death was deeply traumatizing for him and which I don’t think he was emotionally prepared to bring up just yet.

but I think the biggest factor that led to All Might being mum about this was the fact that he himself was included among the Vestiges. because I’m thinking he might have been a bit paranoid about avoiding a conversation like this:

All Might: “hey Midoriya-shounen, I just wanted to let you know that those weird little shadow figures you saw during your fight were the ghosts of the previous users of OFA, who are all living on inside of the quirk. my master once told me, 'even if I die one of these days, we can always meet again inside One for All.' so you know, that’s nice.”

Deku: “huh okay, so you’re telling me I have the souls of eight other people trapped inside my quirk, well that’s pretty trippy but I’m a weird little boy who lives for this kind of wild quirk shit so I’m okay with it! but it’s not like it matters though anyway since you’re still here to guide me haha! it’s not like you have any reason to suspect that might not be the case in the very near future, right?”

All Might: “...right.”

so yeah. once again, the reason for All Might keeping this a secret is because he doesn’t want to burden Deku. spoiler alert, the next two secrets also have the exact same reasoning behind them. in fact I’m just going to go and lump them both together.

4. Sir Nighteye, and 5. Sir Nighteye’s prophecy

so #4 is the one that actually finally set Deku off in the scene I posted earlier lol. and yeah, All Might should have told Deku, especially since it was inevitable that Deku was going to find out anyway. once he learned about Nighteye and All Might’s falling-out, him finding out about the prophecy was a given. and so once again I want to stress that I’m not actually trying to defend All Might’s decision here lol. just trying to relate to it.

anyway but that said, the reason why he didn’t tell Deku is pretty straightforward: he didn’t want to burden Deku with that knowledge. he knows Deku looks up to him. he knows that Deku looks to him for support. and All Might has spent his entire career doing everything he could to be that strong support for everybody, for the entire nation. he wants everyone to feel secure and safe. he wants nothing more than to be able to keep them safe. and it’s so hard, when you have that mindset, to let yourself show weakness and allow the cracks to show and to admit and accept that you can’t protect people from everything, no matter how bad you want to.

how do you tell the kid you’re mentoring, the kid who’s come to depend on you for so much, that there’s a good chance you might not be around much longer? that there’s a good chance he’ll be left to deal with everything all on his own, the same way that you were? how the hell do you even begin to approach that conversation? especially knowing what kind of person Deku is, on top of everything else. for a hero, someone who’s dedicated their whole life to helping and protecting others, nothing is more devastating than being told that something terrible is going to happen, and that no matter what, there is nothing you can do to change that fate. that alone would have been reason enough to not want Deku to know. he didn’t want him to experience that kind of helplessness.

and Deku is still just a kid!! Nighteye, a fully grown man and a hero with years of experience, completely fell apart after that prophecy. meanwhile Deku just started hero school less than a year ago. he’s only sixteen. he is far, far too young to have to deal with all of this. yes, he needed to know, both as a matter of trust and as a matter of practicality. but the fact that he needed to know is pretty fucking cruel on the universe’s part, and I get why All Might was so reluctant to tell him. I get it.

side note!! I feel like it’s worth mentioning that this one is still a secret as far as a certain other person goes. like, I feel that’s pretty noteworthy. pretty much every other person who knows about OFA also knew about Nighteye’s prophecy, including Rat Principal, Recovery Girl, Gran Torino, and Nighteye himself. (although it’s not clear whether or not Naomasa knows, come to think of it. but it’s likely, since All Might probably physically can’t lie to him lol.) and of course, Deku now knows as well.

but aside from Naomasa, there is one other person who’s notably missing from that list.

Kacchan knows about OFA and AFO, but neither All Might nor Deku have told him about the prophecy. even though Katsuki has firmly elbowed his way into the OFA Scooby Squad and knows about all sorts of other things including SIXQUIRKS and the Vestiges and all that jazz, and he’s been helping Deku train and has been included in pretty much everything for months now, he still doesn’t know about this.

and honestly, this might be the one time where I actually agree with All Might’s decision. I say that as someone who loves Katsuki to pieces and very much wants him to find out about this, because I’m mean and because I love angst. but once again, I get it, though. because you probably don’t want to tell the kid who was thinking this...

...that at the time, when you came to save him back at Kamino, you were thinking something like this:

yeah. I’m just saying. I don’t think it does Katsuki much benefit to know that All Might originally went out to Kamino fully expecting that it would be his last battle, and fully prepared to die the horrible death that Nighteye foretold. like, on the one hand there’s definitely an argument to be made that Katsuki should know about the prophecy just so that he’s prepared in case anything does happen, because he would then be the one to have to step up and replace All Might as Deku’s primary support. (and this is something All Might already seems to have been grooming him for in recent months, which is a bit of a red flag as far as All Might’s mortality prospects are concerned, but that’s another discussion for another day.)

but on the other hand, Katsuki is a pretty smart kid. and if and when he does find out about this, there’s a good chance he’s going to connect the dots and realize that Kamino was actually a hell of a lot riskier than All Might ever let on. and there’s close to a 100% chance that he starts blaming himself all over again if he ever learns that. I don’t think it would set him back too much, because he’s made a lot of progress, but I do think that even now it’s still something that he feels a lot of responsibility for. and so really this is just an additional burden that he doesn’t need to be carrying on his shoulders. Deku’s not the only one who’s still just a kid.

anyway! so tl;dr this is yet another case where All Might was keeping something a secret because he didn’t want to burden Deku. and is, in fact, STILL keeping it secret from Katsuki because he doesn’t want to burden him, either. basically just trying to protect both of these kids here.

6. Nana’s relation to Tomura

almost done with the list now! for real though, it’s crazy how many of these there are. how can one man have so many secrets. like seriously, calm the fuck down, All Might.

so! again, Deku should arguably have been told this as soon as it became clear that the responsibility of dealing with AFO and Tomura was going to fall to him. except, I guess, the thing is they didn’t think it was going to fall to him. or at least they hoped it wouldn’t. AFO was in Tartarus, and Naomasa and Gran were planning on hunting down Tomura and the League themselves. and Deku is just a high school kid with an internship. so in an ideal world, he would have never gotten near Tomura, and vice-versa. the adult heroes in BnHA may be inept as fuck, but I’ll give them credit where due: none of them wanted this kind of responsibility to ever fall on any of the kids until they were ready. even during this arc, the kids were all originally assigned to the evacuation teams, and the handful who were on the front lines were there because it was essential to the mission. and even then they pretty much had assigned babysitters (Midnight, Fatgum, etc.) shadowing them the whole time and ready to haul them back out as soon as their tasks were accomplished. like, don’t get me wrong, the child soldiers thing was and is still very fucked up, lol. but they were clearly trying to keep them out of harm’s way.

anyway! and so of course this applies to Deku as well. never mind that he’s All Might’s heir and well on his way to becoming more powerful than anyone could have ever dreamed. he’s still just a teenager. and we don’t send teenagers out to hunt the bad guys. we leave that to the adults, supposedly. and so in these guys’ minds, there really wasn’t any reason to tell Deku about the whole Nana/Tomura connection, because even if it was true, in their minds it’s not really relevant to Deku. they weren’t planning on him and Tomura becoming arch-nemeses. and so it was really just another thing that All Might presumably didn’t want to burden him with at the end of the day. “by the way, Midoriya-shounen, you should know there’s a possibility that Shigaraki Tomura is actually the grandson of my late mentor whom All for One killed.” that’s basically just a very unfun fact that Deku can do absolutely nothing about, except feel bad about it. it doesn’t change the fact that Tomura is still a mass murderer who’s eventually going to have to be captured or killed. so in All Might’s mind there’s really no benefit to telling Deku about any of this.

anyway! and so now finally, last but not least,

7. the Fourth OFA User

so now we finally get to the one secret we don’t actually know yet! OFA IV, and his whole mysterious deal.

All Might, after doing all that research on the previous OFA users and their quirks, suddenly changed his mind at the last second and decided not to tell Deku about this one specific user and his quirk (and notably, his cause of death). why is that?? “I don’t want to speculate and talk about things I’m not sure of...” really?? so you think the better option is for him to be unprepared and to not have any idea of what’s coming, then??

no, seriously. I’m seriously asking that. does All Might, in fact, think that it’s actually a better option for Deku to not know anything about the fourth user than for him to be aware of it. I am genuinely asking that question, because I truly suspect that this might actually be the case.

because, you see, that’s the pattern. if you look at all the other things he’s kept hidden either from Deku, or from others on Deku’s behalf, that’s the one thing they all have in common. he kept them secret in order to protect Deku. either to shelter him from the burden, or to keep him safe from people who might try to do him harm.

so I think it’s safe to say that even though we know absolutely nothing about this particular secret yet, it’s still going to follow that same pattern. All Might isn’t telling Deku about the Fourth yet either because he doesn’t want to burden him with something, or because he thinks there’s some other reason why Deku is better off not knowing.

here are a few other things we can extrapolate here:

All Might’s next line after this is “because I’m worried for him”, so yeah. whatever the reason, he’s trying to protect Deku somehow.

All Might has a history of avoiding truths he’s not ready to face yet, such as AFO still being alive. so even though he says here that he’s “not sure of” whatever it is he found, it’s very possible that he is in fact pretty sure of it, but just doesn’t want to believe it.

the fact that he wrote something down but then crossed it out would seem to support that as well. he says “not yet”, but I’m definitely not convinced that’s actually the case.

whatever this secret about the fourth user is, it’s something All Might isn’t willing to tell Katsuki either, even though Katsuki specifically presses him about it. this makes me think that it’s not just something shady or unpleasant about the fourth user’s past (like him being a villain for instance), because if it was just something like that, I don’t think he’d be so insistent on hiding it from Katsuki as well. and also that wouldn’t explain why he’s keeping the quirk a secret, especially since he knows Deku is going to manifest it at some point.

so my thinking is that it’s not something about the Fourth’s history, but rather something about his quirk. and after all, the Vestige storyline is mainly about the SIXQUIRKS anyway, so that tracks. and so if it is something related to the Fourth’s quirk, and this something also convinced All Might to hide the Fourth’s cause of death, I think the most likely explanation is that something about the Fourth’s quirk ended up killing him, and All Might fears that this quirk could potentially harm or kill Deku as well.

“but if the Fourth’s quirk is potentially dangerous, then wouldn’t it make more sense to tell Deku about it so that he can be prepared?” well, yeah. definitely it would. unless, of course, All Might has somehow concluded that the danger to Deku is actually GREATER if he knows than if he doesn’t know. in other words, the risk of the quirk manifesting with Deku unaware of what it is, is outweighed by the risk of Deku knowing and manifesting it on purpose.

and this, I think, is where the rest of Katsuki’s conversation with All Might in ch 284 comes into play:

All Might has no doubt observed the same thing himself. and so what I’m thinking is that this must be some kind of super high-risk, high-reward quirk that Deku, if he knew about it, would be tempted to use while battling someone like Tomura, even knowing there was a risk of it hurting or even killing him as well. this is Deku, after all. Deku, who takes himself out of the equation. Deku, who is ALREADY pushing himself to extremes with OFA and has been doing so from the start. Deku, who barring a miracle will be lucky to have even 1/10th of the normal function in his arms when this arc is said and done. and that’s just with normal, everyday OFA and Blackwhip and Float. if you were to go and add some sort of super-self-destruct quirk on top of all that?? jesus christ. they’d be picking up the pieces of what was left of him, probably.

so yeah. if this really does turn out to be the case, and the Fourth’s quirk really is a potential suicide quirk? I could absolutely understand why All Might would keep that hidden from him. once again, it’s all about protecting him and keeping him safe.

and it’s problematic though, for sure! and most likely futile just like all of his other secret-keeping efforts have been. at some point he’s just going to have to start trusting Deku to handle this stuff, and letting him know these things. like it or not, he’s not going to be a kid forever, and Destiny is currently being Thrust Upon Him at a fairly alarming rate! pretending like all of these threats will just magically go away all on their own is not it. if you didn’t want peril lusting over him at every corner then you shouldn’t have chosen a motherfucking Shounen Protag as your motherfucking heir, my dude.

anyway! so those are all of my thoughts about All Might and his secrets. I do think Deku is gonna call him out on it again soon, and I think All Might will be apologetic for not telling him about Tomura and Nana, but I don’t know if it will be enough to finally get him to change his ways and reveal everything else. he is an overprotective dad filled with anxiety over his trouble magnet son and his arm-exploding ways, and it’s a tough position for him to be in, knowing that either way there will be pain that Deku can’t avoid. it’s rough. anyways, maybe I’m too soft, but while I don’t necessarily want him to just keep getting free passes on everything, I kind of hope they don’t rake him over the coals too badly for it either. he means well!! he is doing his best. hopefully they can manage to talk it out, sob.

[schleierkauz]

so. recap:

Inkworld

The host briefly brought up the cover debacle (who could forget) and Cornelia talked about a phone call with the publisher in which they were like "maybe we can make a wrapper with the old design people can put over it, if they want?" and Cornelia replied "yeah, I'd use that, too". Soon after that they asked her to design the cover we ended up with and scrapped the new ones

While on the topic, Cornelia brought up new American covers she dislikes quite a bit, but she sees no chance of changing those. Quote: "They're just boring"

I asked whether she knows the exact plot of Fenoglio's Inkheart and she said no, it's like a scratch card - there are a few key events she's aware of and a lot of blank space. Fenoglio was definitely a fan of Cosimo, though

Jehan ended up surprising her the most in TCoR - she appreciates his "quiet presence" and how he still manages to be a grumpy teenager at the same time

Other

She had her name removed from the Dragon Rider movie because it was just so bad. They changed the hearts of her characters and that can never be forgiven

The latest plan for the Wild Chicks script is now that it'll be rewritten into a tv show script, with every episode focusing on one character. They want the whole thing to be handled by women and are already looking for good candidates regarding writers and directors

Someone asked about writer's block tips and Cornelia compared writer's block to the flat earth theory in that both aren't real (lmao). If you don't know where to go with your story you just got lost in its labyrinth and need to get your head out of the hedge

TCoR Spoilers

Unlike in the WIP version, Jacopo is unfortunately worse than ever and trying to be like his grandfather

Cornelia doesn't know a whole lot about Haniah, but the character is very dear to her anyway because she feels her through Nyame's love for her. She definitely wants to write more about his past and the people in it

Dustfinger's real name was revealed years before TCoR was written, because Cornelia just kept asking him - a stage name that the character "earns" later in life is a very different thing than the name they answered to as a child

The shadow-readers are the same thing as the child-eating witches in Reckless. The Giovanna we meet in TCoR makes an appearance in Reckless 4, they're the same person

Funke Zoom Call Let's Go

First question the usual "Why write another book" and she goes "murder" I love it here

[bangtangalicious]

the glow up | kth (4)

pairing: taehyung x reader

summary: after going off to college, you & your best friend committed to working out. a year later, the results show, and you cant wait for your hot hometown friends to see you. now all you wanna do is wild out and have lots of sex, and enjoy it without feeling insecure

genre: smut, childhoodfriends!au weightloss!au (is that a thing) friends-to-lovers!au

word count: 2.2k

warnings: tittie sucking, fingering (dubcon bc jungkook is an ass), misogyny/sexism, public sex (locker room), creampie, unprotected sex, slight slut shaming, body image issues (please remember that there is no ideal body type and every body is beautiful)

part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7                                                    masterlist

“Hey y/n” You were startled at his use of your name as opposed to his endearing princess. He was dressed nicely in a black hoodie with his glasses on, but his expression was tense.

“Tae” You acknowledge him as you got into the passenger seat. You really really liked his car now. “Listen, you don’t have to be sorry about anything”

“No, I really do though. I could have just shut up and let you and Jimin have your happy ending” He huffed, “We both know it’ll ultimately work out that way anyway, I just added drama and I’m sorry”

You wondered exactly when Taehyung got so mature, or if he had always been this way and you just never noticed.

“Anyways…I hope its okay, but I invited Hobi and Jungkook to lunch with us” Your face dropped slightly, and he noticed. You hated that he was being awkward. You wanted to feel all the amazing things you had the other day all over again. Taehyung was a drug. You had a hit and now you wanted more.

“Tae…” You whispered, grabbing his hand and bringing it to your chest. His jaw clenched as he made contact with your heaving breast. “Please” You made pleading eyes at him allowing him to squeeze your tit slowly.

“Hood of the car. Now” He exhaled sternly. You did ask requested, finding yourself in a similar position, back over the headlights, legs wide open, licking your lips in anticipation.

“Sit up” He ordered as he pulled you towards him so that he was standing in between your legs. He pulled down your shirt color until he had access to your clothed breast, moving your bra cup aside and allowing his mouth to trail kisses from your neck—“Mmm you smell good”—to your collar—finally kissing your nipple.

He looked up at you with lust shot eyes as he flicked his tongue across before enveloping it into his mouth. He sucked like a baby, moaning into you, the vibrations from his deep voice stimulating you even more. It was a sigh to behold, as he gripped your hips to hold you against him and sucked you.

You cried out, breathing heavily with the way his tongue was splashing around in circles causing waves of heat to come over you. You liked the ways his lips felt around your nipple, and the way his tongue drew circles around it-you took note. So I’m into this. Huh. You were very aware of how damp your underwear was getting, as yoou ran hyour hands through his hair, clenching as you tilted your head back and moaned.

“You’re fucking delicious princess” He remarked, breaking away finally to admire how he had made you swollen. He ran his thumb over his work, giving one last pinch, making you squirm before he fixed your clothing, “But…we’ll have time for this later. Let’s get going” His eyes had a playful glimmer as he winked at you, riled up and unsatisfied.

Fucking tease.

You arrived at a small urban cafe in the more happening part of town. Hobi and Jungkook were already at a table outside, with tall mimosas in front of them. Jungkook had on flashy sunglasses but lowered them as he saw you approaching, giving you a flirty look and smirking slightly as he watched you walk. Taehyung pulled a chair out for you and you took a seat by Jungkook after giving Hobi a quick back hug.

“Cute outfit y/n. I love the baggy look” Hobi commented. Your face reddened, realizing it was probably really obvious you were wearing Jimin’s clothes.

“She looks hot as fuck.” Jungkook thirsted, shamelessly glancing at your breasts were faintly imprinting against the fabric. He downed the last of his drink.

As you guys shared a meal, you enjoyed conversing openly with Hobi and Jungkook about their sex lives. You appreciated how open and candid they were as you continued to attempt to understand your own desires more.

“Y/n how does it feel to be part of that crowd now” Hobi asked. You tilted your head in confusion. “You know...now that you’re the sexiest girl in town I bet everyone’s been making moves.”

“Yeah I’ve definitely been getting a lot more attention from guys. Shows how fucking shallow half of them are”

“You girls are all hoes though so it doesn’t really matter. Why else would you try so hard to look sexy, yanno? Like I could be hooking up with the same girl and no one else but I still wouldn’t date her because she’s probably gonna dip for the next best dick she can get.” Jungkook added. Taehyung rolled his eyes and kicked him under the table “Hey, I’m just being honest. Why else would you go through a glow up phase? We all did it at some point, we were like yeah I wanna get laid so I better bulk up”

“No Jungkook that’s what you did” Hobi chuckled. “Hot girls aren’t all hoes, and hot guys aren’t just hot so they can get laid. I don’t agree with that. But I do think that everyone needs to fuck around a bit before they settle into a serious relationship or anything. I think it’s healthy when people go around for a bit and then finally are like, yeah okay I’ve seen what’s out there so I can say for certain what I want” Hobi commented, changing the topic. He delved into some details of a recent relationship of his but unfortunately his words did not register with you as you suddenly felt a hand slipping under the waistline of your sweats.

You knew it had to be Jungkook, Taehyung would never touch you without asking. You mouth formed an O as his hand traced along your aroused folds, still wet from Taehyung’s quick tit suck earlier. You gulped, straining to keep your mouth shut as Hobi continued on. You glanced at Taehyung who was observing you very carefully, clearly aware of what was likely going on.

Jungkook slid a finger into your cunt and it sucked it in welcomingly. You bit your lip as he slowly retracted it, allowing you to hear the faint squelching of your tender muscle. 

He repeated his motions, causing you to move forward until you were barely hanging on the edge of the chair. You gripped the table tightly, knuckles whitening with the pressure. You wouldn’t dare look at Jungkook, knowing that seeing his face would probably send you over the edge.

He pumped his fingers in and out and you couldn’t help but feel a strange mixture of dread and enjoyment. Yes you were horny, Taehyung had ensured that, so being fingered felt great. But a ball turned in your stomach at the unwanted intrusion from your friend. Were these guys really like this to all the “attractive” girls they hang out with? Do they just constantly flirt and grope them? Ugh.

Taehyung pursed his lips tightly before he finally snapped. “Fucking Christ, just go ahead and fuck right here why don’t you” He folded his arms over his chest, shooting both of you a disappointed glare.

Jungkook slowly pulled his finger out of you and put it straight into his mouth,  and you finally made eye contact with him as he licked your arousal off of himself. 

“Y/n we’re leaving. God Jungkook did you even get consent you prick?” Taehyung spat at him. You got up and Jungkook slapped your ass playfully.

“She’s one of the hot girls now, might as well treat her like one. Text me babe” He sent an air kiss your way and you shuddered slightly. Taehyung gently took your wrist and led you away.

It was later that evening. Your heart was pounding, and a slight sense of dizziness overcame you as you sped the treadmill up even faster. Taehyung had agreed to accompany you to the gym and you had been sprinting as fast as you could for almost half an hour trying to blow off steam from the events that had happened at lunch. 

Jungkook’s words stuck with you, and in a fucked up way you felt like he was trying to prove a point. You felt the air in your lungs escape as your chest tightened. You were overdoing it. You knew that, but you wanted to feel numb. Wanted to feel the bliss of the aftermath of a super intense workout.

Your mind wandered to the biggest issue on your plate. Jimin. You wanted more than anything to go to him. To tell him what happened and get his advice. But you messed that up, and now you were no longer sure if it was worth messing it up. You had never been so conflicted in your life. Your bones screamed at you that your pace was getting too much, pain shooting up to your knees as you pounded your feet with every step. 

Talk about running away from your problems.

“Y/n!” Taehyung came over from where he had been doing weights and turned off the treadmill, bringing you to a rapid halt. You panted, sweat soaking you head to toe. Taehyung grabbed your arm to help you stay standing as you began to sway side to side with lightheadedness. You could see black spots paint your vision. He wrapped his arm around you and helped you walk into the locker room where luckily there was no one.

“I don’t wanna feel it Tae…I don’t wanna feel anything. This is all too much. I am so fucking confused. I miss Jimin, and what Jungkook did today I…” You held back a sob, “He’s right. This is what I want isn’t it? So why do I hate it so much. All you guys do whatever you want to these girls you usually get with and sexualize them so much and I’m just not used to it but that’s what I wanted right?”

Taehyung sighed, stroking your back, “Look princess…Jungkook and I aren’t the greatest people. After getting to college, you know how it is, we kinda all became fuckboys. The people we hang out with literally breathe to get off. Everyone fucks everyone else. And I’m no saint at all. I fuck around even more than Jungkook does, albeit I’m a bit more respectful about it, but it’s all the same game to us. I understand that this is all new for you but…I just want you to know that for me, I’m not treating you any differently because of this weight loss thing. I promise. They way I fuck you, the way I treat you…I would have done it just the same a year ago.”

“You say that but”

“I’ve wanted to have sex with you for years okay. I knew you before all of this fucking hook-up culture. I wanted you because I liked you. I still like you, even though we rarely see each other anymore. Not just because of your body. It happened now because you initiated it. I don’t know how else to get it through your head. And by God, what the fuck were you just doing? Were you trying to make yourself pass out? Why would you run that fast?”

“I just needed to relieve some stress okay”

“Then let me help you” His voice was husky and low. Time slowed down as Taehyung carefully leaned closer to you. He trailed his fingers down your sides and around the waist of your shorts, tugging the fabric ever so subtly. He remained still, breathing heavily with a heartbeat drowning out everything. “You can say no. Any time. Even if you realize later that you don’t want to do this anymore you can stop me. I won’t ever get mad and I won’t ever judge you” His voice was quivering before he grabbed your waist and pressed himself up close to you. “Do you want this princess? Can I take care of you?”

You nodded your head as Taehyung leaned down and kissed you while gently pushing you back against the lockers. He quickly pulled off your tanktop, not minding the sweat as he inhaled sharply. He lifted you so you could wrap your legs around him and began to slowly rock his body against yours.

He moaned into you mouth as he felt the impact of your bodies colliding. He spread your legs out wider and began to grind against you faster. You held back screams as he grabbed your breasts. Taehyung licked his lips and kissed you harshly, biting down your lips before mumbling “You’re so fucking hot princess”

“Taehyung” You finally moaned, giving him all the motivation he needed to grind faster. He slipped his hands under your sports bra and began to caress you. You cursed in pleasure.

Suddenly the two of you heard footsteps coming into the locker room. Taehyung allowed you to slide down as he quickly backed away. He took your hand and led you to a far corner of the room before sitting on the locker room bench and pulling your body down on his lap. You looked at him with concern, but Taehyung ignored it completely.

“Tae...you make me feel so fucking good”

“Yeah?” He grinned

“Aren’t we going to get caught?”

“I don’t care” He quickly tugged down your shorts as well as his own revealing his thick cock, with precum budding furiously at the tip, aching to be released. He helped you lower yourself onto him before he gripped your hips and began bouncing you up and down his length.

“Scream my name” He demanded, whispering darkly into your ear “you’re doing so good”

You whimpered, “Taehyung” you cried out as you felt yourself peaking, “Taehyung oh my god don’t stop,” You begged. He was shaking you so violently that you finally were pushed over the edge. 

You screamed his name louder than you meant to, feeling Taehyung smile against your neck. He let you get up off of him while he fixed his shorts. He was still aroused, but he didn’t mind. He just wanted you to feel good.

“Is everything okay we heard screaming?” One of the gym staff members walked in just as you had managed to get decent.

“Yes sir, everything is fine! She just saw a spider, poor thing” Taehyung pulled you back into him so you could feel his still hard cock against your asscheek  as the staff member nodded and left.

You waited until the footsteps seemed more far off. You turned around and couldn’t suppress your big smile as you made eye contact with Taehyung, who also grinned widely. He grabbed your waist and began to undress you again quickly.

“Hey that’s not fair. I wanna see your shirt off too” You pouted. Taehyung smirked, obeying you and pulling it off effortlessly. You traced the muscles on his chest that formed a perfect 11.

“Like what you see?”

“Jimin has a six pack soooo” You teased as you tugged on his waistline, helping him slide off his shorts again. Your eyes scanned him as he became naked and you licked your lips, “Yeah…” You met his eyes and giggled, “I like what I see”

“Yeah you better” He teased before attacking you with kisses again.

Taehyung slid back inside of your tight pussy while maintaining eye contact with you. He began sucking your neck playfully. He watched you carefully as he began to move in and out of you slowly, picking up the pace as he saw your positive reaction. Taehyung nuzzled his face into your breasts. 

“You’ve been waiting for this all day haven’t you” You teased.

“Yeah and what if I have” His voice was raspy, full of lust. The sound send chills down your spine and turned you on more. Taehyung could tell. “Oh you like that huh?” He continued to talk in that voice, grinning as he trailed kisses back up to your mouth.

Taehyung shifted you so your back was on the bench. He spread your legs and entered you slowly. You tilted your head back and just took it all in. After some pumping Taehyung lowered himself closer to your body and looked at you deeply.

“You close?” You asked him sincerely. Taehyung nodded, moaning slightly into your shoulder. You were unsure what to do to help him at that point, your orgasm earlier leaving you too spent for another one. So you decided to just tease him. “What was it that they say in pornos...oh right. You’re doing so good baby” You felt Taehyung’s hips buckle at your words, “Will you please cum for me? God you’re sooooo hot mmm, just like that” You played your most seductive voice and Taehyung knew you were messing around but it still turned him on. 

He kissed you chastely, hands grabbing your ass tightly as he came. He cursed under his breath & eventually fell into your lap in exhaustion.

<------previous                                                                   next-------->

A/N: im tired man idk

taglist: (lmk if you wanna be added!!) @honeyspillings @hollowtree10

[benedictscanvas]

all the wrong places [5/7] - spencer reid x reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Summary: It only takes a moment for Spencer to realise that he doesn’t just want to marry you someday, he wants to marry you as soon as he possibly can. But since he can’t come up with a solid plan, he turns to his BAU family for help in planning the most important day of his life so far. Is that a mistake? Most definitely.

Warnings: Series probably aren’t meant to be exclusively fluffy, but this one practically is! I need some fluff in my life, damn it! There may be some mention of regular Criminal Minds things, some language but mostly just good ol’ Spence lovin’

a chapter every day for seven days! (20-26th July 2020) so please drop an ask if you’d like to be tagged <3

---

Chapter Five - Heat of the Moment

There hadn’t been anymore meddling in his relationship with you since that day on the jet. You’d been on a case the whole time, so there was little opportunity for them to do so, but Spencer got the feeling it was more than that. All of them had started feeling too guilty about all their previous meddling to do anymore.

That, and Spencer was pretty sure JJ had taken everyone aside and put her foot down about it. No more bets were placed, no more money exchanged hands. Spencer was ridiculously relieved. The case was still tough, but at least he could pour all his focus into it rather than being worried what the team might spill at any moment.

“The geographical profile is all over the place,” he told you from his spot at the board, looking back at you over his shoulder. You were sat cross-legged on top of the conference table, files splayed out all around you, eyes tired and slightly wild. Everyone had been up for hours without sleep, but it affected everyone differently. You and Spencer were both the type to keep working without breaks, running solely on adrenaline and copious caffeine and then crash completely as soon as everything was over.

“I know,” you murmured, “Come look at this.”

You didn’t need to ask twice as he made his way over and perched on the tiny scrap of table he could find uncovered by paper. You pointed to one of the files to your left and he had to hold onto your knee as he leaned over to read it.

“That’s interesting.”

‘Yeah I thought so too, but then I thought I was probably wrong.”

“I don’t think you’re wrong,” he said absentmindedly, picking up the file and dropping it into his lap to read in more depth. You sat quietly beside him, allowing him to digest what you’d been trying to make sense of for an hour.

“Let’s take this to Hotch, see what he makes of it,” he said eventually, hopping down from the table with the file clutched tightly in one hand, “Good work, Y/L/N.”

“Means a lot coming from you, Doctor Reid,” you chuckled, taking his outstretched hand to help you down from the table. You smoothed out the wrinkles in your shirt and then quickly reached out to pull his cardigan up where it had fallen from his shoulder, before heading out of the room.

Hotch was talking to a few officers when the two of you presented what you had found. A guy in the system who had previous convictions that made him a perfect candidate for the bomber you’d been trying to stop for over a week now.  A call to Garcia to look into his recent purchases all but confirmed your suspicions.

“We need to go,” Hotch said, mostly to the officers, once his phone had beeped to indicate Garcia having sent the address. You and Spencer were already grabbing your jackets and vests, strapping them on.

And then there were gunshots, Hotch was pulling you down onto the ground, you were pulling Spencer with you and all you could see was a pair of old, worn boots across the precinct from your position behind the desk. When the gunshots had stopped, the three of you slowly rose your heads above the desk, met with the face that lay in a file strewn across the floor a metre or so away from you.

There was a bomb strapped to his chest, which almost made you roll your eyes at just how obvious this next move had been and how none of you managed to see it coming. You scanned the room for the victims of the gunshots, but found only one body near the door, a young officer with a positivity that you had thought he would lose with time. He’d never get the chance. The rest of the shots seemed to be in the ceiling, if the chunks of plaster were any indicator.

Hotch was already stood up, hands out in front of him, moving forward towards the guy, Clive, you remembered, with slow steps and soft words. You looked to Spencer beside you, silently asking if the two of you should be doing something, standing up with him or pulling your guns. He shook his head, though only slightly, then he looked down and tightened your vest. No words. You did the same for him almost instantly, before the two fo you turned back to Hotch. Hands were poised on guns, but there was no use shooting the guy if it would detonate that bomb. It was enough to decimate the room, at least.

Heart pounding. Mouth dry. It was impossible to tell whether Hotch was getting anywhere. He was still getting closer, but Clive still had that rage burning behind his eyes that told you that Hotch wasn’t there yet.

When Clive suddenly took the final step towards Hotch that left his gun resting on Hotch’s forehead, you bobbed further up from behind the desk instinctually, and he turned to you. So did his gun. Spencer only just pulled you back behind the desk in time before another round of gunfire started up, this time directed at you. You crouched beside Spencer, eyes screwed shut as you clung to each other.

The gunfire stopped abruptly with a shout, but neither of you moved. Spencer’s arms were wrapped all the way around you, head on top of yours, with your hand on top of his head pulling it down as far as you could.

“You two okay?” JJ said frantically as she rounded the desk and rested a hand on each of your shoulders. You finally let up your embrace, checking each other over with military precision. No injuries.

“We’re good. Everyone else?”

“All fine,” JJ said through a sigh, helping you up with two hands and a squeeze to your right, “Morgan and I returned from our interviews just as Hotch was talking the guy down, and when he turned on you guys, we got our opportunity to bust in and wrestle the detonator from him.”

“Pretty badass, JJ,” you smirked at her, pushing at her shoulder and she shook her head at you, trying not to smile. She was off to check on Morgan without another word, who was already working with the bomb squad to take care of the bomb, but by the way he was laughing a little with one of the guys you guessed this must be a pretty easy one to sort out. Hotch had Clive cuffed and was taking him away. Rossi and Emily must still be out at the M.E. and you were glad they’d managed to avoid this.

Spencer beside you seemed to be surveying the scene as you were, but his hand was rubbing his shoulder with a grimace. Your eyes narrowed.

“Turn around, Spence,” you ordered him suddenly and he looked at you surprised, but turned around anyway. Your soft little gasp couldn’t be contained. There was a bullet lodged in his vest, just above his shoulder blade, “Oh fuck, get this off, Spence, get it off.”

You were quick to unstrap it, although still careful even if you were hardly thinking straight. When you finally lifted it from his head and stared at the spot where the bullet had been, there was no mark. No blood. You let out an uneven breath. There would be bruising, no doubt, but the vest had done its job.

“You know, I think I would’ve know if I’d been shot,” he said, slightly teasing despite the fact you had tears in your eyes, “And taking my vest off would’ve been the least helpful thing to do if I had, too.”

You were looking at your feet. Spencer winced. He had no idea you were actually that worried, but he could see you biting your lip and changed his course immediately.

“Shit, sorry,” you mumbled, but he was already scooping you into his arms and holding you tight, allowing you to cry, if only just a little bit. You hadn’t slept, no one had, so you figured you could get away with it this once.

“We’re alright, angel,” he whispered reassuringly, rubbing your back, your hair with insistent hands, “Everything’s alright, it’s done. We can go home.”

There was an extra little whimper at the mention of home, but also a resolve. You pulled away from him, wiping your face roughly until any trace of tears had vanished. He tilted his head as he looked at you.

“Sorry,” you said sheepishly, a small smile, “Just love you a bit, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Love you a bit, too.”

He pulled you in by the back of your neck, gentle, a kiss placed to your temple and then another for luck. When he pulled away, you gave him another look and a ‘just gimme a second’, before disappearing away to the precinct’s bathroom. He figured you might have a few tears to cry in private, and while it made his heart ache, he understood. He might have some to cry later too, when the shock wore off and he was left with the ‘what if’s.

“You okay, kid?” Rossi was the one to come over next, even though Spencer had no idea he and Emily had made it back, “Made it out unscathed.”

“Almost,” Spencer was rubbing his shoulder again, because it actually really hurt and so had hugging you, but that didn’t matter. He saw the worry on Dave’s face, “It’ll just be a bruise. Don’t tell Y/N I complained about it.”

“Don’t want her to think you’re weak?” Rossi said jokingly and Spencer barked out a laugh.

“You and I both know I just don’t want her to treat me like a piece of glass for a month,” he said with a small groan, “You remember when I was shot in the knee right?”

“I do. Maybe she was a little over the top,” Rossi agreed, with Spencer nodding along. It had made him love you more than ever, but it had also been beyond frustrating, “She’s pretty enamoured with you, huh?”

Spencer paused for a second, looking over to the bathroom to make sure you hadn’t returned.

“No one’s more surprised about that fact than me, Rossi.”

“I’m not surprised. What surprises me, is that you haven’t put that ring on her yet.”

Spencer sighed. And it returned.

“Look-”

“I’m not having a go, kid. I’m just saying I think you should go for it. And I don’t think that woman-” he pointed discreetly towards the bathroom as you emerged, eyes puffier than they had been, “-is going to care how you do it. The woman who’s currently beside herself over your wellbeing even though you didn’t even get shot, is just going to be over the moon that she gets to marry you. Trust me.”

The pep talk had tears in Spencer’s eyes again. He kept his gaze on you as you walked over to Emily for a hug and the two of you talked. Rossi had said everything he needed to hear. He turned to the man with a grateful smile.

“Thanks Rossi. Seriously.”

He began to march towards you, even though the ring was in his satchel in the conference room, ready to confess every bit of how much he loved you. Ready to ask you to marry him right the fuck now, because no other time would be soon enough.

A hand on the back of his shirt pulled him backwards with force enough to make him stumble.

“Christ, Reid, I didn’t mean right now! We’re in a dirty police precinct, dumbass.”

“But you just said-”

“Yeah, I know what I said. But not here.”

Spencer frowned as Rossi walked off, shaking his head. At the back of his mind, he wondered whether this would count as his fifth proposal attempt gone wrong, or if he was only on his fourth.

Either way, he was turning out to be shockingly bad at this.

---

taglist (ily all <3)

@mrs-dr-reid @soda610 @alexxcorona113 @thupidalethea @may-beforejune-afterapril @ilovesupersoldiers @hurricanejjareau​ @stardream14 @mortallythoughtfulgurl @aperrywilliams @saranyx @anotherspencerreidblog @thegayestdestielshipper @burkgolden @reidsmyhusband-emilysmymistress @zozoleesi @baumindss @sargent-barnes​ @halseysunset​

[saintchlorine]

hey i noticed you like horror a lot - i recently watched this movie called Creep and i was wondering if you've seen it? if you have, what are your thoughts? i thought it was pretty wild but it seemed like something you might like

ah yes, creep! i have indeed seen it and i like it a very normal amount. it crosses my mind about as much as i assume is normal for a movie. i have a very normal relationship with the film in general

(HAHA JK REAL THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT)

so i first saw creep somewhere between 2-3 years ago and i genuinely have not stopped thinking about it since. obviously, most of that thought is about josef and how insanely impactful his character was and is for me.

it has its flaws for sure and is a very non-traditional sort of horror movie, but i do find it legitimately terrifying in a lot of ways??

i think it's important to note straight out of the gate here that i relate to aaron a lot. this is probably what makes it such effective horror for me; in a lot of ways, i look at aaron and see myself. i too am a champion at ignoring red flags and thinking "oh, but they mean well!!" even when they...definitely don't. which has caused problems for me in the past, unfortunately.

at no point in that movie did i look at aaron and think anything along the lines of "oh my god you idiot stop doing that." it's obviously valid to think that because it's, y'know, the normal reaction, but even when i knew it was going to end badly i was still like "yeah...Yeah. i get it."

which brings me to josef. awful, murderous, wonderful josef. the reason that creep is such effective horror for me is that his manipulation worked on me. maybe that's just because i too am an aaron in this world, but every time i saw josef, all i could think was "jesus, this is sad." even in the end, after everything that he did, when he said aaron was his favorite i still thought to myself that he truly, genuinely means well and just has a weird way of showing it.

and that's WRONG!!! THAT'S INCORRECT!!! he's a fucking serial killer; he isn't trying to do anyone any good. and yet i still looked at him and thought that maybe he could. i guess for me, the horror is in that trust which people (like aaron) are willing to give others, and the people (like josef) who will gladly use that for whatever malicious shit they have in mind.

but then, on more of a movie-based note and less social commentary, josef truly does love aaron. he loves everyone he kills, which is such a fantastic approach to take in horror. rather than being a homicidal misanthrope or just being indifferent towards his victims, josef cares. he's loving them the only way he knows how to: through the connection and intimacy of murder. he goes into that a lot more in 2 (which i can't even get into rn without this post getting stupid long) and i just. seriously love that take on the serial killer trope so much.

it makes me think of that one quote (i think by kinky friedman and misattributed to bukowski?) that goes "find what you love and let it kill you. [...] for all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it is much better to be killed by a lover." i just feel like josef would lose his fucking mind if he heard that. his whole philosophy on love and murder intertwining the way they do...i find it fucking profoundly impactful and horrifying and i LOVE both thinking about and writing it.

and again, i must stress just how much i love aaron (and sara, sara for whom i would die, but no time to get into that rn) and how wonderful he is. i mean, this man is legit a SAINT for being so kind and understanding all the time, even if the worst situations and with those least deserving of it. then again, it's a cautionary tale too. aaron is what happens when a person has zero boundaries whatsoever and a lot of trust to give. prime candidate for abuse, which i think the movie works really well as a parallel for.

and this is a concept i go into a lot in my fic "waxen // bite back!" PROMO PROMO PROMO. NEW CHAPTER UP TODAY PROBABLY

anyways i'll stop now thank you harv for the opportunity to rant and rave about this movie that haunts my every waking moment. i offer a josef gif as thanks

[afanoftheglassscientists]

The Glass Scientists Sunday Predictions

So uh, let me just...slide in here and pretend that it doesn’t feel like a decade has passed since I last did one of these yeah?

A lots happening nowadays, and I can’t say that I’m entirely alright now. But for this moment, let’s all just think about predictions for a webcomic character who’s not really a character but a figment of another character’s mindset but looks like that other character? Maybe this would make more sense if you read the webcomic, give yourself a couple of hours away from the news.

P.S. As of writing this the American Presidential Election is two days away, so if you can and you haven’t yet you might wanna set up a plan to go out and exercise your right and vote. Remember, you’re not just voting for yourself and your ideals, you’re voting for you and your neighbors’ lives.  If you don’t believe in voting and harm reduction when lives are on the line, you might want to re-evaluate what really matters to you, because its certainly not your neighbors.  Non-involvement is not some form of rebellion, it serves nobody and changes nothing.  

Also don’t forget the other parts of the ballot!  Look at your state elections and research candidates for your representatives, sheriffs, yes/no answers, etc. The answer as to who best serves you (or at the very least does less harm than the other ones would) when it comes to state and local elections may not be immediately obvious, especially if the candidates’ party affiliation isn’t present on the ballot itself.  If you’ve already voted absentee check your voter portal to make sure its been received and check again on Election Day, especially if you’re state is one of the ones who’s being wrangled by people deeply concerned with voter fraud at the moment.  Anyway tl:dr VOTE.

Okay enough nagging let’s get to the topic.

What Would Fake!Jasper Represent in Jekyll’s Head?

So in one of the chapter descriptions Sabrina Cotugno talked about Fake!Jasper being a thing in Jekyll’s mind just like Fake!Lanyon and Fake!Frankenstein.  They weren’t sure if he’d show up in the noggin’, but they mentioned that Fake!Jasper might not as nice and we’d think he’d be.  Which got my own noggin’ rolling?  What do you mean Cotugno???

So lets explore this space a little shall we?

Fake!Lanyon and Fake!Frankenstein both represent aspirations of Jekyll’s.  One is “The Perfect Gentlemen” and the other is “The Perfect Scientist.”  Both of them, while not resentful of Jekyll, are more preoccupied with their own (or Jekyll’s?) roles.  They’re not “good” pre se, and this might be bold to say but no one inside Jekyll’s mind is going to give him the right answer.  They just serve to confirm what Jekyll believes he should aspire to be...and fails.  He needs to get out of his head and talk about his darn problems with someone real!  Soon as Hyde stops being a little UwU bi-

So if our Fakes serve as representatives of Jekyll’s aspirations, what would Fake!Jasper represent?  Don’t forget, Jekyll’s probably only known him for about a week, so is this a new aspiration?  Or is it an old one where Fake!Jasper is a new coat of paint to it?  Or what if not all Fakes are aspirations and instead could be fears or doubts, what then?

Let’s dole out our options here.  

Option 1 - Fake!Jasper represents Jekyll’s aspiration to be admired.  This makes sense in the context that Jasper gives Jekyll attention that allows him to ignore the nightmares and troubles and so Fake!Jasper is wrapped around that new feeling, but this also makes it difficult to imagine Fake!Jasper being not-so-nice.  My guess is if Fake!Jasper is based on the feeling of wanting to be admired that Fake!Jasper ignores everything unless he’s given the right kind of attention.  Or he might feed others false praise, but doesn’t mean it.  His advice to Jekyll would be “Well obviously you just need someone who heaps praise on you to make you feel better!  That’s why I look like him, right?  To just give you compliments.  You don’t have to tell him anything since he’s not your real friend, just treat him nicely and everything’ll be fine :) :) :)”  In other words, Fake!Jasper might not necessarily be mean, but he’s entirely focused on self-serving solutions.

Option 2 - Fake!Jasper represents a wild fervor that Jekyll used to feel when he discovered his passion for mad science long ago in a dark forest.  Jasper acts pretty tame compared to the other mad scientists, but his writing and his presentation is literally overflowing with what he discovers and is fervently exploring in his studies.  Fake!Frankenstein represents the perfect mad scientist, but Fake!Jasper represents somebody who loves mad science.  Except why is he not nice?  Because Jekyll wants to tame this part of Jasper, hide all that passion behind gold trimmings and clear glass where no one else can see it.  Doesn’t Jekyll dislike this part of his own self, hiding and putting away all the passion he had to make himself presentable?  So obviously Jekyll doesn’t want to acknowledge what Fake!Jasper represents, so Fake!Jasper will do Jekyll a favor and avoid being in his line of sight.  

A fun idea I thought in my head back when we first met the nightmares was the idea of Fake!Jasper treating the nightmares the same way Jasper treated his creatures.  Not as monsters to fear or specimens purely to study, but as living beings to be respected and cared for like anything else.  I think its fitting since we met both the nightmares and the creatures in the same chapters, its just that Jekyll sees the two groups as separate, whereas Fake!Jasper might have a different perspective.  By that I mean Jekyll himself could find a different means of seeing the nightmares, but that’ll probably be awhile.  

Option 3 - Fake!Jasper represents Jekyll’s doubts, because unlike Jekyll, Jasper can never truly hide his “monstrous self.”  He’s the werewolf we met on the streets, snarling and afraid.  If Jekyll approaches, he might get bitten.  Fake!Jasper doesn’t trust Jekyll, like how Jasper may not trust Jekyll, or how Jekyll might not trust himself.  It could also be that Jekyll in fact can’t trust anyone with his problems and not just that he doesn’t see himself as trustworthy.  Fake!Frankenstein might try to study Fake!Jasper the same way she studies the nightmares, like a new phenomenon.

----

That’s all I have to think of for now!  I might have more ideas of what Fake!Jasper may be next week, or I might just going into next-page prediction instead...if there’s a Sunday Predictions next week at all.  Its a bit of a toss-up whether I’ll be back into this weekly or not.  We’ll just have to see!

Until then take care of yourself, stay safe, and if you can please vote.  

[localinferiorgood]

BNHA Modern Gang AU

*I got bored on a car ride and kind of got overexcited imagining and planning out this AU inside my head so uh, yeah. I should also note that I ultimately decided they would not have quirks in this AU*

General Stuff: - I’ll be referring to the gang as Gang X for now - The kids would go to school and everything like normal kids but after school would have gang training (physical and in weapon use (instead of having quirks)  - I want all of the major events of the show to still be incorporated in the AU, in some way - And I want all the kids to have the same personalities and relationships, because its not a BNHA AU if all the characters have different personalities (also I love my babies so) - Everyones “Hero Names” in the show are now their gang names - Instead of striving to become the #1 hero, they’re striving to eventually take over and become the head boss of the gang (at least Bakugo, Deku, and Todoroki are)

School: - So I was imagining the kids would go to a nice private school paid for by the gang - Also a major sports school - It would have mostly normal kids but have 2 classes (in each grade level) filled specifically with the gang kids (like the hero course; the normal kids would be based off the general track in UA) - There are rumors that the school may have gang ties, but no ones ever really been able to prove it - The school nurse (they call her Recovery Girl because it seems like she can take any injury in 15 minutes flat; she even takes care of broken bones and major injuries) and the principal (Nezu; not sure what would be unique about him yet, as he obviously can’t be a mouse in this one) and the gang-class teachers are all aware of the ties to the gang and are in it  - So to properly encompass and justify Class 1-A and Class 1-B’s relationship, I was thinking both classes could also be in sports(maybe volleyball,baseball or basketball(require a lot of  teamwork) but anything would probably work)?(it would be mandatory as physical training and to strengthen their bonds) - I can’t decide whether I would have Class 1-A be varsity and class 1-b be JV of the same sport or both varsity of different sports. 

Support Course/items: - So.... this wouldn’t be an extra class physically in school, but the kids training to work on support items would go to the same private school - Hatsume is still the prodigy - Support tailors weapons and sometimes clothing/other stuff to fit specific people  - Like they can tailor a specific gun to fit your hand, and can lower how much the gun kicks. They can do the same for knives, tailoring them to be the perfect length and weight for the user, as well as fitting perfectly in their hands. This goes for all weapons as well

“Gang Training”: - This is basically training to be able to be a competent gang member (most kids that get into the private school end up being higher ups) - They do basic physical training (I mean in hand-to-hand combat it helps to be strong, but also to handle the kick from any gun) but also with basic weaponry - The guns they use for training look, feel and have the actual kick of the gun they’re using but only actually shoot paintballs (Mr. Aizawa is a tough teacher but it’s not very rational to kill off all of your students lmao) - They train with all kinds of guns and ammunition, to get a feel for what each one is like and what they like. Aizawa requires them to train with all anyway though, as he believes you should be able to pick any random gun off the ground and shoot it with perfect efficiency and aim.  - There’s safety measures for swords and knives too, but I haven’t trained with those so idk what those would be lol 

All Might: - I was imagining he would be the boss, or head of the organization, since he’s #1 hero (at least in the beginning) - Like in the beginning of the show, he is secretly sick from an old injury and can only fight for so long before he starts coughing up blood.  - He’s still revered as not only the best gang leader ever but also one of the most amazing fighters the underworld has ever seen - But, as he gets older he still needs to find a worthy successor, as he’s definitely not immortal - Believes the boss should still be actively involved in the gang, fighting alongside his men and while some people think it’s foolish, everyone respects and likes him more for it 

All Might & Deku: - Obviously, Deku is still his secret chosen successor (or the one he wants to succeed him anyway but it will, in the end, go to the best candidate no matter what) - Deku was (distantly), probably through his father who’s in America, related to Gang X. His grandpa told him about it before he died, and all about All Might, the most impressive man in all the underworld, and has wanted to be just like him ever since - Soooo......I’m not entirely sure about how this part should play out, but I’m thinking maybe Deku was sick? And just couldn’t afford the really expensive procedure? (I’m pretty sure in the show Deku is middle class? So we’d keep it that way) - He by chance meets All Might and asks if he could ever be like him, even with his sickness, and All Might says no - Not sure what would go on to change his mind, but something happens, and All Might decides to pay for Deku’s hospital bills, heal whatever was going on, and personally start physically training him. Probably would make him clean up the whole ass beach still lmao - After the “entrance exam” (the physical part which happens after the standard school written at a secret location), Deku gets in by the skin of his teeth

Endeavor&Todofam: - uhhhhhhhhhhh........ - So he’s always wanted to be gang leader, but has always been behind All Might - He’s even tried duking it out with the boss a couple times but never wins - Not sure if I would make him head of the second most powerful branch of the gang or second in command - Either way he still not-so-secretly hates All Might, although he does grudgingly respect him - Wanted to become better than All Might, not get the top spot from All Might weakening, so he’s still pissed when All Might has to retire and he’s technically the boss now  - So, I haven’t been able to decide what Rei had that Endeavor wanted(since no quirks) but I still want it to be a fucked arranged marriage. Maybe she came from “good bloodlines” (like notoriously strong and smart /or people, whether her family was arranged in gang stuff or not) or maybe she was just very pretty and when she refused him, he literally bought off her parents? - Still raised Touya and Shouto specifically to be All Might’s successor - Touya still wasn’t good enough for some reason and something happened to him (weak bones maybe?) and he’s still dead in this AU (or is Dabi whatever the truth really is) - Rei still had a psychotic break and burned Shouto’s eye with boiling water and is in a hospital

Top 10 Heroes:  - So I want the top 10 heroes to either be the leaders of the 10 branches of the gang, or the top 10 members of the gang (they have a council or something)

Work Studies: - So in my old high school we were allowed to have a work study class, where we left campus for that hour and worked somewhere of our choosing, - Work studies were a big part of character development in the show so I’d like to keep those if possible - To make things less suspicious, work studies are required for all students (I mean let’s face it of entire classes all had work studies and others didn’t it would be weird). Also, since it’s a nice private school, I can totally see where they’d want the kids to go out and have “real world experience” before leaving high school - I would probably keep the fact that first years typically don’t have work studies (our school didn’t let freshman have them) but they’re trying something different this year - Of course the gang classes would be sent to various gang members (I think they’d still get to choose who, but idk maybe it would be more interesting if the teachers chose for them? - The general classes would go to whatever work study of their choosing, probably based on the careers they want to go into

Sports Festival:  - Literal school sports festival  - Limited only to those school students, i think - Gang members interested in work studies would come watch and scout - Would it be as internationally famous as the UA sports festival? i dont know tbh

Summer Camp & The Wild Wild Pussycats: - Not sure if here they would be purely working on physical ability and maybe martial arts or on weapons and stuff too - It would depend whether or not the Pussycats knew about the whole gang thing(or if they were involved in it) or were just regular physical trainers with no connection or idea about the gang thing - Kota......I think I would have his parents die in a gang-related accident and, obviously, hate anything to do with gang activity (which is normal anyway). If the Pussycats were not gang-related I’m not sure how the whole Deku-saving-him thing would go down but oh well - The League of Villains would be attacking still, to kidnap Bakugo (for whatever reason)

League of Villains (Gang Y) & All for One: - In a world where there are no “heroes” and “villians”, they obviously can’t go by that name (I mean I guess they can but I feel like that would be kind of stupid and odd) so we’ll go with Gang Y, for now - All for One can’t be immortal in this one, so maybe the gang name just keeps getting passed on from successor to successor? Or he’s just stupidly old(like 100 years old and still kicking ass)? - So, in the underworld, obviously no one is really “good” so to speak, I assume Gang X would still be involved in basic drug deals and stuff like that, but think Gang Y would be involved in some really fucked up shit. Like slave trade stuff maybe? Blood money? - Gang X and Gang Y have been top rivals since both of them started (around the same time) - Gang startup story would be the same as the beginning of the AFO and OFA rivalry in the show (2 brothers with different ideals) - AFO still ends up in jail after the legendary battle in Kamino Ward  - So......I’m having trouble with Shigaraki’s backstory since quirks aren’t a thing. Like obviously it would still be a horrific accident but.....yeah you get the point (haha it sucks trying not to spill manga spoilers) - Toga’s backstory would pretty much be the same I think - Spinner would have some deformity or something (since he can’t be a lizard) justifying his backstory - Twice is hard for the backstory thing.....but I would still have some traumatic event that caused him to do the contradicting voices thing - Nomu’s would maybe be like, brainless humans? Still look like flesh and blood humans but essentially be brain dead and only do what AFO tells them to do? Not sure but I’d still like them to be the result of human experimentation. - In Kurogiri’s case.........not sure tbh we’ll work on it  - Speaking of Kurogiri, he is like, get away driver/escape artist of the millennia. It’s like him and the rest of Gang Y just disappear into thin air. Even the police have tried to track him but? he’s just....gone? He’s still team mom, by the way, and really the only reason the Gang Y survives tbh (Credit to @tears-of-an-otaku )

Stain:  - Goes after and kills gang members (especially higher-ups) that he deems “corrupt” (ones that sit back and make underlings do all the work; rapers; betrayers; ones that are only really in it for the money; etc) - Puts chemicals on his weapons that immobilize his victims; The blood-type thing is still the same (works longer/better on specific blood-types) - Iida still goes after him for disabling his brother, and Deku finds and follows him, and Todoroki ends up coming as back up. - They still don’t get the credit for defeating him “for safety reasons”

Chisaki & Eri: - From a rivaling gang - Not sure how they find out whats going on but they do - Eri, at the very least, is still severely abused, but it would be cool to be able to incorporate using her blood to make some kind of drug  - Not really sure about much in this story arc tbh it’s so quirk-based it’s kind of hard to incorporate without them :/

The Licensing Exam: - Another sports festival, but this time with other major sports schools - Gang members come to scout as well  - In this one though, the other kids are just competing in a sports festival, but the teachers of the “gang classes” are also watching to determine whether or not their kids are ready to take on more “hardcore”/serious work studies (or even internships), where they would be able to experience what it’s actually like to be in a gang a little more in depth and practice real world fighting (and of course their special skills) - Special thanks to @tears-of-an-otaku for helping me figure this one out!

The Kids: - Like I said I want all the kids personalities and relationships to be the same - Jiro is still super into music and can still play (at least a little bit) a bunch of instruments; She has unnaturally good hearing too.  - Bakugo obviously can’t explode things with his hands anymore but has a dangerous interest in explosives (he was actually recommended to join the Support team but he rudely declined); still tells everyone to die on the (way too) regular; also still has the best reflexes in the class - Deku is super strong. Our sweet boy doesn’t look it but is strong af - Koda, still quiet as ever, is super good with animals (but afraid of bugs) - Momo is super good at designing and creating stuff and is very inventive(can always find a solution to a problem); She was also recommended to help in support but she (politely) declined; Still team mom - Iida’s a great runner (probably best at long distance but good at jump about anything)! Back in middle school, he was an absolute track star, but now-a-days with school, his class sports, and gang training, he doesn’t have time for track as well :( ;Still class president and team dad - Kaminari is still our lovable dumbass but is really good with electronics and wiring anything.  - Shinsou obviously can’t actually mind control, but he’s a super smooth talker and can convince almost anybody to do anything for him, so it can kind of seem like he controls people.  - Kirishima is an icon when it comes to defense training, he can block almost anything. He also never seems to get bruises. The rest of the class lowkey hates him for it because while, at the end of the day, they’re covered in bruises, Kirishima’s got maybe one (but usually not even that). He dyed his hair because he thought it made him took tougher and less boring - Aoyama is still into the ridiculously shiny, which is horrible for stealth practice, but he has this trick where he (maybe with a bracelet or something? Or a belt bc of his iconic belt in the show) can blind his opponent with the light reflecting off the metal and go in for an attack in that moment. It’s surprisingly effective.  - Oijiro may not have a tail, but he still excels at martial arts.He even rivals Bakugo (he might be able to win if Bakugo played by the actual martial arts rules that Oijiro was taught but he won’t) - Sugar makes Sato really energetic really quickly! (and for some reason makes him focus better). He’s still a super good cook and baker - Shouji still wears a mask all the time (he has a medical condition with his mouth that’s kind of gross and tends to scare people). He “talks with his hands” using sign language! He’s been teaching the rest of the class, as Aizawa said it was a very useful skill to have, especially in a situation where they need to be quiet but still communicate. - Hagakure, for whatever reason, is amazing a stealth missions! She’s somehow really good at blending into the background and even Jiro can’t hear her when she walks (unless she’s really focusing on it). Top of her class in it, actually.  - Mineta still isn’t that good in actual battle but is really good at simple immobilization (sorry the only thing I could think of for him even a little bit related to his quirk). - Ururaka (while not as strong as Deku), is surprisingly, incredibly strong. She can pick almost anything up and make it seem like the thing’s totally weightless (even when she’s actually struggling, something Deku can’t do) - Sero is the master of Duck tape really good at fixing stuff! It seems like he can fix almost anything; Him and Momo team up a lot when something breaks (which, in Class 1-A, is surprisingly often *cough* Bakugo *cough*); (Sorry, couldn’t really think of anything for him either but tape=fixing things? maybe?) - Mina is really into chemistry, specifically corrosives and hazardous mixtures. Her and Bakugo once teamed up after school and tried to make something - Aizawa said if they ever teamed up to do anything in the chemistry lab again they were going to be banned from it; Mina still has pink hair - Tokoyami has a pet raven that follows him everywhere-literally everywhere. It was a problem at first, but the school eventually decided to let Tokoyami keep it as long as it wasn’t making a mess anywhere and not attacking students (everyone else is lowkey mad about it like why does he get to keep a pet? Nezu tries to pass it off as an “emotional support bird” but everyone knows that’s bullshit); The bird (whom Tokoyami’s emo ass named Dark Shadow for some reason) can actually attack on cue! Actually, he kind of constantly has to be watched otherwise he might attack someone on the random (it’s happened; he seems to pick up on Tokoyami’s emotions somehow and if Tokoyami gets mad well.....; He has in particular had trouble Aoyama and all his sparkly things); The bird can actually send messages too! Tokoyami refuses to say how or why he trained his bird to do this but since no one expects such an old fashioned way of sending a message, it’s extremely useful for high secrecy messages (and packages; actually the actual gang has used it a time or two, a fact Tokoyami is secretly proud of). (Credit to @agaxso) - Todoroki is, not quite an expert, but has a weird amount of knowledge on arson and burning things (not sure why a gang would really need a skill like this except to burn bodies beyond recognition but Endeavor specializes in it so it must be useful somewhere); He also has an extensive knowledge of using  polyoxacyclobutane mixtures(liquid nitrogen definitely and maybe some other things?) to freeze things at whatever temperature (I think he’d probably shoot bullet-like things out of a modified gun; Freezing the target when it hits. Here’s a link explaining basically how polyoxacyclobutane works); He has practice with the modified gun from training with his father, but his mom was the one that originally taught him how to make and use the bullets properly.(Credit to @agaxso) - Monoma can do anything almost perfectly after watching someone else do it once. Unfortunately, he has a really horrible memory so he only retains the information for like an hour then has to watch them do it again. Still an annoying asshole - Kendo is tough as hell! Specifically has really tough hands/knuckles. The One Punch Man of class 1-B, she is literally known for being able to knock people out in only a punch or two. She once smacked Monoma and he had a wicked bruise on his cheek for 2 weeks. She still maintains that she “didn’t even hit him that hard” - Awase is an amazing welder! He was another candidate for the support team, but after some consideration he declined - Tetsutetsu, like Kirishima, has ridiculously tough skin that never bruises, and has amazing defense - I don’t really know enough about class 1-B to finish this unfortunately - Aizawa and Vlad actually put special time aside for the kids to practice and hone their specific skills and learn how to put them to use in battle. After all, you should use everything you have in your arsenal in real battle, and unique/special “skills” can be extremely useful in battle and often pack the element of surprise and can easily but you above whoever your fighting, (especially if they don’t have any special attacks)

Soooo......if anybody would like to write out this AU for me and help fill in the blanks I would love you forever and also probably owe you my life because I have absolutely fallen in love with this AU. Also let me know if I missed anything or you have ideas for the stuff I couldn’t fill in and I’ll put it in (and credit you of course lol) @todorokitops I know you’re a pretty well known Tumblr fanfic writer so......know anybody who might be up for the challenge?

[yellowsugarwords]

Walking Dead Game FanFiction - “Rough Life”

Title: Rough Life Characters: Clementine, Gabe, David, Javier Summary: Gabe and Clem are out on a run, looting an abandoned house, when they come across a stray dog. After Clementine’s last encounter with a dog, she’s terrified it’s going to attack her. While Gabe enjoys the pet’s company, Gabe tries to help her overcome her fear. Author's Note: I’m so happy with how wholesome this one turned out AHHH ENJOY BUDDIES Requested By: MiNiEvErEtt on Wattpad support me with ko-fi ♡ ---------♥️♥️♥️----------

When David assigned Clementine to go with him to scour the abandoned cluster of farm houses a few hours south, Gabe was on the moon.

“The motorcycle is yours to use, but you know the rules.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Clementine said, dismissively wavering her hands as she snagged the keys from David’s open palm, making her way toward New Richmond’s auto garage.

David glared after them, slowly crossing his arms, studying Gabe’s giddy, excited run as he trotted up behind her, ears and nose rosy and bright. Truth be told, that was the only reason David had bothered assigning them to the same chore.

On the drive down to the dump, Gabe clung to Clementine’s waist as she drove the motorcycle. She was steady and fast — a pro driver — and got them there in record time (even if Gabe felt a little jostled up).

“We need to start in the house.” Clem said, starting in the house’s direction already. “I promised Javi we would. He says the place looks practically untouched.” Gabe trotted after her, not saying a word, happy to just be in the teen’s presence.

As they cracked open the front door, the duo immediately started rummaging through the place. It looked as though it had been a type of office for the dump. It held mainly paperwork and office supplies, but there was a decent amount of little things they managed to swipe; pain killers, mints, gum, granola bars, tape, string, and scissors. In the waiting area, Gabe was shoving paper, pens, untouched candies, and paper cups.

Then, she heard it. The very sound that made her blood run cold, her shoulder tense, her body flip it’s ‘panic’ switch; a dog bark. Immediately flipping around, and almost collapsing because of how weak her legs were, she spotted it. It was a small dog who was alarmingly thin given its size.

There, just outside the collapsing building stood a tiny, dark brown dachshund. It was barking at a raven that had been pecking at an empty apple juice box. Given the sound, the bird fluttered away and left the animal to explore.

“Oh my God,” the sound came out as a whisper, her hands clasping over her mouth. No no no no. Not here. Not now. Why was the universe doing this to her?

“A dog!” Gabe yelped, scurrying for the door.

Brutally — as forcefully as she had ever done something in Gabe’s presence — Clem ripped the door from his grasp and shoved it shut. Her eyes were wide and wild, staring down the male in horror. “What is wrong with you?”

Gabe held his hands up, terrified from how desperate and violent Clem had momentarily been. “I feel like I should be asking you that question.”

Clementine blinked, baffled that he was daring to make her out to be the one acting irrationally. “You can’t go outside and meet a random dog.”

“Why not? It looks sick.”

“Gabe,” Clem said, staring him down as though she was wrangling him in, “it might be sick, or angry, or violent.”

“Look at it, it looks too small and weak to hurt me.”

“Dogs can be violent, Gabe.” She said, eyes widening, jetting her head forward. She had been candid with Gabe about her fear of dogs in the past. Well, her fear of the one specific dog who harmed her. She may not have been specific enough that she was scared of all dogs.

Gabe blinked back, hesitating for a moment before furrowing his brows. “It’s only a little wiener dog. It’s so tiny and small, it isn’t going to bother us.”

“We don’t know that.”

Rolling his eyes playfully, Gabe pushed through the door and made his way outside, delicately and slowly walking towards the little creature. Maybe if he was able to show Clementine how calm dogs could be — how loyal and sweet they could act — maybe he could help her abandon that fear.

As he reached down for the creature, Clementine flinched back, fearing the very worst (but she couldn’t say she didn’t warn him) but as she heard silence, she opened her eyes to see Gabe and the pup staring at one another, the teen nuzzling its chin.

“Come on, little guy.” Gabe said, kneeling forward, accepting the small pup into his arms.

Clementine froze, her blood seizing in place as she flipped around to face him. “What are you doing?”

Gabe turned and blinked, as though confused. “What do you mean? I’m trying to keep him warm.”

Clementine scoffed, hands on his hips, heart pounding and blood boiling. “We are not bringing that home with us.”

Gabe frowned. “Why? We can’t just leave him here.”

“Why not?”

“Look at him, Clem.” Gabe said, brows crunched together and heart aching. “He’s starving.

“I trusted a starving dog once, and it didn’t end well for me.”

“Clementine, look at him.” He held up the little dog, watching as it quivered against the wind. “This little guy wouldn’t hurt a fly. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He weighs the same as one anyways.”

“If you bring that dog back, I swear to God you’re walking home.”

“What? Clem, come on.”

Clementine glared. Hard.

By the time the motorcycle rolled back up to Richmond’s parking garage, David and Javier were standing by the entrance, seemingly talking (or bickering) back and forth. They turned sensing the sound, and stepped back to allow Clementine to dismount.

“Clem, where’s Gabe?”

Clementine frowned, shoving the keys into Javier’s chest, adjusting the two backpacks against her shoulders. “He decided to bring a little friend home with him.” She snapped their way. At first, the brothers were concerned, turning to one another and frowning.

When Gabe rolled up with a dog three hours later, all worries were forgotten; all threats of punishment at Gabe for being reckless had been thrown out the window.

“Oh my God, he’s so tiny.” Javier gawked.

Clementine had no words. None.

Though, she did have to admit, he was really cute and tiny. Maybe she could get used to living with a dog around the lot.

Maybe. ---------♥️♥️♥️----------

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 2

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,902

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

The day after the party, Sam and Colby left LA to go shoot a few videos for a week. The whole time they were away, I've been talking to Colby. Whenever one of us had free time we would text the other. Whoever ended the conversation the night before started the conversation the night after. My phone was going off more than ever. Normally I would only get youtube/ work related notifications and the occasional booty call from an annoying "big" youtuber on my Twitter DMs. Now, all my messages are texts from Colby.

I don't know what to label this feeling. I set a different ringtone for Colby so whenever I hear that tone my stomach somersaults. It can't be a crush, despite the fact that we've been talking nonstop I hardly know Colby. We planned on leaving the getting to know you questions for the date. That's not saying that I'm not into him. I definitely am. From the conversations I've had with him, I can tell he's more than just a pretty face. And for someone who's lived in L.A her whole life, I can attest that, that doesn't happen often.

But I still don't know how to label what I'm feeling? The nervousness that I'll somehow find a way to mess this up? Even if this doesn't work out as a romantic relationship with Colby, I hope that I can at least make a friend out of this whole situation. I don't have very many friends. If anything, I have one and everyone else I know is either an acquaintance, an old hookup, or someone that I collaborated with. Making friends in this industry is hard. You never know who's using you for views or to leech off subscribers.

One thing I know that I'm feeling for a fact is nervous for this date. Colby never told me where we were going. He insisted on keeping it a surprise. I did manage to get him to tell me what type of clothes I should wear. All he told me was "Olive Garden casual" but also being beach things just in case. I changed my clothes at least three times. I finally decided to stick with a white and floral romper with some sandals. I put my but length curly hair into a fishtail braid and called it a day. He also insisted on picking me up. So I spent all morning over cleaning my already clean apartment. I finally got myself to calm down enough to sit down and finish editing my video and thumbnail for Saturday.

****

I finish putting the final details on my video when I hear a knock on the front door. I jump so high that I nearly deleted the video upload. I put my laptop on my couch before going to answer the door. I open the door to reveal Colby wearing a white long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black jeans.

"Hi, come in. I'm just finishing uploading my video for this weekend. It'll only be a second more." I move so that Colby can walk in. I close the door and quickly grab my laptop and move it to the coffee table so Colby can sit

"Wow, nice apartment you got here. It's very homely." Colby says looking around. I finish the upload and close my laptop and see Colby wondering around.

"Thank you. The front area is just for show mostly, you know for the off chance I get guest. I can give you a small tour if you want."

"Sure. It's only fair, you saw basically the entirety of my house."

"Very true. So, over there is the kitchen. There are no guys there that show their id instead of carding you though. I hear that's one of a kind. We're standing in the living room slash tv room where I spend a lot of time when I'm not working or partying." I pick up my laptop and walk with Colby to the back of my apartment.

"I hear they fired the id guy. To be fair, he didn't know what he was doing but he was glad he did it." Colby mentions.

"To be fairer, I hear the girl who ratted herself out as underage felt the exact same." I turn to see Colby smirk. I turn back around and blush before opening the door on my right.

"This is my office and youtube room. I spend a lot of time working here." I place my laptop on my desk and plug it in before walking out with Colby.

"What do you keep in the closet?"

"Equipment for my hobbies that are not youtube related. In between both rooms is the guest bathroom. And the door right here leads to my bedroom. Complete with its own master bathroom and walk-in type of closet." I grab my bag from my bed and watch as Colby looks around.

Eventually, we leave and walk to his car. When we get in, Colby pulls out a blindfold.

"I know you don't know me that well but trust me when I say put this on." He holds the blindfold in front of me.

"Somehow, I knew this happen. Good thing I didn't put on makeup today." I take the blindfold and put it on.

"Wow, you're just going to do it. No questions or anything?"

"You haven't told me a single thing about this date all week. For all I know, you can be taking me somewhere to murder me for all I know."

"Very true. But that's not going to happen. I promise. Anyway, how long have you lived in that apartment?"

Even though I willingly put on the blindfold on, I'm still a little nervous. Colby senses this and slips his hand in mine.

"Uh, I moved in officially moved in on my birthday last year. I started moving my stuff in the month before."

"You're parents let you start moving out at 17?"

"That's a story for a later time. Um... why did you and Sam start in youtube?"

"Back then it was a way to reach out to our fans and get different content out their aside from our vines. Flash forward to now where we break into abandoned places or do overnights. I glad we started youtube though."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous or scary?"

"Yeah, but here's the thing..."

****

For the rest of the car ride, we kept talking about our channels and ourselves. There was a brief moment where we stopped somewhere and Colby left me in the car to grab something. When we finally reached where we are supposed to be, Colby placed my bag on my lap went to get the things out of the trunk before helping me out. We walk a few feet before Colby tells me I can take my blindfold off. It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light.

"Are we at the Santa Monica beach?" I ask after seeing the infamous ferries wheel on the pier.

"Yeah, I thought we could have a picnic on the beach and try to look at the stars?" I looked at Colby who was blushing a bit.

"Why did you phrase that as a question? Why do I feel like you aren't 100 percent sure about this date? I think it's a great date."

"I was just worried that you would think that it was too cheesy?"

"What part of me makes you think that I'd find this cheesy? Let's go, the sun is setting." I drag Colby closer to the water so we could set up the picnic.

****

Maybe it's because it's the beginning of February or maybe it's because it's Monday but there are hardly any people on the beach. It's vitally empty and it kind of feels like Colby and I are alone. Colby has actual picnic food, complete with chocolate covered strawberries. We spend the whole time talking and eating. Before the sun completely set we took pictures of each other. My favorites are the candids that I took of Colby when he wasn't paying attention. All the conversation and small talk that we avoided for the past week came out today. Colby had a speaker playing soft music in the background. It felt like every romance movie I've ever seen.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked while we looked at the sky. We had pretty much finished eating and the sun is completely set.

"Definitely."

"Well, it's not really a secret. I used to live near here before I moved out of my parents' house. Whenever I felt like life was getting to suffocating or the drama was too much I would sneak out here and just look out at the sky and listen to the ocean. I've actually forgotten how calming this was. I miss it." I adjust myself so my head is no longer supporting my head.

"I kind of know what you mean. Moments like this make me miss Kansas. I like nature and being submerged in it in a way." I turn my head and look at Colby who was already looking at me.

"What do you miss most about Kansas?" I adjust my body so I'm completely facing Colby.

"If I'm being honest? I just miss being around my family all the time. I can explore or find my own piece of nature anywhere in the world. I can't always be with them." Colby faces me completely too.

"Wow, you guys sound close."

"We are, in a weird way. What about you? Are you close with your family?"

"Um... to make an incredibly long and depressing story short, I am the black sheep of the family. Completely shunned and unwelcome. I could tell you the whole story but that probably wouldn't be first date appropriate."

"I get it. You can tell me anything though. When you're ready obviously. You probably can't tell but I can tell that we're going to be really important to each other."

"Really? You can tell that from one date and our super long talk at your party that I probably shouldn't have been at?"

"I know it sounds like I'm just trying to get into your pants or something, but I'm being 100 percent serious. There's something about us, we just click. Like we were made for each other."

I examine every part of Colby's face that I can. For once I feel like I actually met someone genuine. He doesn't sound like every guy that I've met who actually want to just hook up. He definitely doesn't sound like someone who would hurt someone or use them. I feel safe with Colby, something I don't think I've ever felt.

"Isabella?" Colby says breaking my concentration.

"Yes, Colby?"

"Do you mind if I kiss you for real this time?"

"Yes— I mean, I don't mind. You can kiss me for real."

We both sit up and I close my eyes and slowly lean in and only stop when my lips meet his. The kiss starts off soft but quickly gets more and more intense. We both pull away before things got too heated.

"Whoa..." we both said in unison. We were both quiet for a few seconds, trying to process what had just happened.

It was a perfect moment. At that moment I realized that I've never kissed anyone like that. Not sober, anyway. It sent a tingle down my spine and caused a wave of calm to wash over me. This kiss was real and I wanted more. Not just to kiss Colby more, but to feel more real things with him.

****

Colby takes me home about an hour after the kiss. We talked a bit more to get to know each other. The more we talked, the more I wanted to know Colby on a deeper level. I wanted Colby to know me more too, something I've never felt with anyone.

When Colby dropped me off I let him know that I would plan our next date, if he wanted there to be. He responded by kissing me again. When he left I lay on the couch and replayed the past few hours in my head. After that, I went into my bedroom and grab one of my empty notebooks. I choose the one with a tree carved into it and open to the second blank page. I write down everything from what happened and how I'm feeling. I even write about the events from the week before. As I write I set my photo printer to print out the photos from tonight. Even if things don't work out with Colby, I want to remember the first time I ever felt like this.

After I finish writing and taping the photos I take a shower and try to calm down. I place the notebook on my bedside table and go to take a shower. I climb into bed and try to decompress so I can sleep and wake up for my lectures tomorrow. I can't let my feelings for Colby make me late for classes. To help me calm down I go on my phone and scroll on my Instagram accounts. I have two, one for my fans and all business that is very public and a private one where I only let a few people follow. Right now, I'm only following Colby's private account. He has three: his public account, his fan appreciation account, and his private account. I check my public one and make a few comments and watch as people post about parties and birthdays. I get a few DMs from people asking where I wasn't at some party. I gave the same excuses of working on videos and switch over to my private account. On my feed a picture of me that I don't remember taking shows up. It's a candid of me from the beach. I'm laughing about something and the fading sun is hitting my face with my messy hair blowing in the wind. I see that Colby posted it and scroll to the caption. It reads: I can already tell my life is going to be better with you in it. Can't wait until next week.

I like the picture and quickly post my own picture of Colby with a cheesy caption. I switch back to my main account and see that I have a message from Brennen Taylor.

BT: Where were u tonite? Hooking up with some other insta-model?

Me: Actually, I was busy working tonight.

BT: Well, if you're not busy anymore do you want to hang out? The party was lame, I was hoping for sum fwb time.

Me: We're not friends and the benefits haven't been a thing for a while. Plus I'm seeing someone right now so the benefits are never going to happen again.

BT: We both know that that's not going to last long. Just come over right now and we can "talk" about it

Me: ...Night Brennen. Stop messaging me before I block you again.

BT: Goodnight sweet cheeks, I'll dream of the time we'll have a face to face convo again.

I close out of Instagram and plug my phone in. I make sure that my phone is charging before staring at the ceiling. At a party a few months ago, before I turned 18, I made the mistake of hooking up with Brennen. Ever since we've had an on again, off again hook up relationship. We were both in the same party scene. We would drunkenly hook up at parties, sometimes after I had just finished with someone else. After our first encounter, he found me on Instagram and would hit me up whenever he wanted to sleep with me, no strings attached. I would go only because he offered alcohol, sometimes weed. I would use him to get drunk or high and he would use me to get a quick lay. I didn't need him as much when I got my fake id but he did, even when he had a girlfriend. When I found out he was dating someone new I terminated our unspoken agreement. I wasn't going to be the reason his relationships failed. Still, he would hit me up every few days. If I'm being honest, he makes me feel uncomfortable and I try to avoid him at all cost. I never block him or expose him out of fear of being exposed myself. So I deal with it and I just tell him I'm busy or I was with someone else. It only works sometimes.

But now I met Colby and I really don't want to screw this up. I'm hoping Brennen won't screw it up for me. That sometimes happens at parties. I know that Colby and Brennen are friends. So I'm betting on the fact that Brennen wouldn't get in the way of his best friend's relationships, in every aspect of the word.

My phone lights up the room and I check to see a notification from Colby. He tells me that he got home safe and how much he enjoyed tonight. He also mentions that he's looking forward to next week. He ends with a good night. I type back a response with a huge grin on my face. I put away my phone and dream about the date over and over again.

[vocalfriespod]

What’s in a Name Transcript

Megan Figueroa: Hi, and welcome to the Vocal Fries podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

Carrie Gillon: I’m Carrie Gillon.

Megan Figueroa: I’m Megan Figueroa. Carrie, Arizona went viral with a running javelina.

Carrie Gillon: Which everyone keeps calling “pigs.”

Megan Figueroa: I’m like, “Have you not read the book Don’t Call Me a Pig? C’mon.”

Carrie Gillon: No, nobody knows outside of Arizona what a javelina is. It does kind of look like a pig although, when it’s running, it looks way less like a pig than normal.

Megan Figueroa: Right? Because pigs don’t run that fast, do they?

Carrie Gillon: Oh, they probably do. Well, at least the smaller ones probably do. I was shocked though when I saw that javelina boot it like that. I was like, how? How? Because I’ve only ever seen them amble at most.

Megan Figueroa: I’ve been semi-chased by a javelina. It wasn’t going that fast. Because I was taking my trash out and boy, do they love the smell of trash. [Laughter] But, yeah, no, I’ve mostly seen them with their little babies and they’re following along, just ambling along very cute-like. If you haven’t seen it, go to the Twitter account “javelina running to.” You can see the javelina running to all sorts of hilarious, perfectly matched songs. Like “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen or “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. It’s beautiful.

Carrie Gillon: My favorite is “Going the Distance” by Cake. It’s also the first one that I saw, so I’m a little biased.

Megan Figueroa: Well, for some reason, that song is so funny to me just by itself and I don’t know why.

Carrie Gillon: He sounds so unconcerned like he doesn’t give a shit while he’s singing. Yeah.

Megan Figueroa: Okay. Maybe that’s what it is. That is perfect.

Carrie Gillon: I was a nice little bit of light-heartedness. It felt like 2015 when we had both the dress and the escaped llamas. It was a wild, wild day. That javelina running was not quite the same but it felt a little bit more like, “Oh, I remember the good old times and the before times.”

Megan Figueroa: Yes.

Carrie Gillon: When the internet was not just people yelling at each other about their favorite candidate and about how every other candidate sucks.

Megan Figueroa: I know. Well, now I’m like, “Javelina 2020” – “Running javelina 2020.” [Laughter]

Carrie Gillon: Frankly, couldn’t possibly do a worse job than what’s happening right now.

Megan Figueroa: It’s true. Speaking of our fucked-up government, we did a bonus episode, which you can get to by being a Patreon supporter, about this new change in social security disability benefits. They changed a language requirement.

Carrie Gillon: It’s definitely a good bonus to access.

Megan Figueroa: I mean, it’s just a rage bonus which, you know, I would say about 80% of them are rage bonuses. [Laughter]

Carrie Gillon: Yeah.

Megan Figueroa: Maybe we could all stop being assholes and we wouldn’t have to rage bonus.

Carrie Gillon: Well, I mean, yes. It seems like it’s unlikely that the government’s ever gonna stop being this level of asshole, at least anytime soon.

Megan Figueroa: On a light-hearted note, I re-watched Knives Out, the movie, and I just truly the first time – because I mean, one of my favorite things is just old, haunted looking mansion houses and a Clue-type vibe. So, I was just enthralled by all of that and somehow missed some of the language stuff, but the character that Toni Collette plays, they make her very much sound like a very stereotypical valley girl. There’s no evidence to prove that she spends any time there.

Carrie Gillon: No, I mean, valley girl is not about being from the Valley anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.

Megan Figueroa: I guess I’m still – I mean, I spend most of my time toward the west coast that I was surprised – because it’s supposed to be Massachusetts, but it’s on-brand valley girl, and I’m like, “She sounds like no one around her.”

Carrie Gillon: Well, we don’t know where she came from, right?

Megan Figueroa: That’s true. That’s true. Okay. Well, and they do make her into basically a Gwyneth Paltrow kind of a Goop brand.

Carrie Gillon: Exactly. I was gonna say she’s very Goop-y.

Megan Figueroa: I mean, that is really calling on that kinda vibe or that, at least, stereotype of the wellness – like they show her meditating in this very – yeah. She definitely has this vibe. I mean, it’s not unfair to say that LA is kind of an epicentre for that kind of stuff.

Carrie Gillon: Oh, no. It 100% is, but again, it doesn’t even really matter. She might not be from there at all. She might just be adopting that because that’s her identity, right?

Megan Figueroa: Her brand. I mean, it’s literally her brand at whatever company she has.

Carrie Gillon: She’s really good in that movie in that – that actor.

Megan Figueroa: She’s so good!

Carrie Gillon: I mean, she’s always amazing because she’s just amazing, but there’s just something really entertaining about that character like the languidity with which she speaks and the ridiculousness of most of the things that come out of her mouth.

Megan Figueroa: Oh, she embodies that character. It’s amazing. You see her in like – I mean, the last thing I saw her in was a serious role and I’m like – it was just like, the range! Speaking of range, I am enthralled by Daniel Craig’s character. I was the first time, but he does that thing where it’s kinda like – well, fuck Kevin Spacey – but the Kevin Spacey “House of Cards.”

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. He’s Frank Underwood sort of except that a detective and probably actually a better person. Yeah. He’s definitely adopting this Charleston-ish accent that no one speaks anymore. It’s a really old school variety.

Megan Figueroa: I just, I dunno if anyone ever asked the director or anyone if that was on purpose, but I feel like it had to have been. I feel like thought was put into making him seem like this old school kind of dude.

Carrie Gillon: I assume it was on purpose. I haven’t heard anyone ask Rian Johnson about that choice because I’ve heard him talk about “Knives Out.” Daniel Craig’s character putting on this accent really – just putting it on really strong because he wants people not to take him seriously because he's kind of Columbo-ing.

Megan Figueroa: Columbo-ing! Wow. [Laughter]

Carrie Gillon: Right? That’s the kind of character he feels like. He feels like he’s bumbling but he’s not. He knows exactly what he’s doing the whole time. Spoiler alert.

Megan Figueroa: Right.

Carrie Gillon: I dunno. It could’ve been a choice that the character even made.

Megan Figueroa: Well, to be fair, when he kinda reveals at the end that he knew what he was doing the whole time, I was like, “You’re fucking shitting me because you seemed like you didn’t know what you were doing.” Absolutely. It’s a really fucking fun movie.

Carrie Gillon: Oh my god, it is so fun! I was just grinning watching that movie because I enjoy murder mysteries. I always have. I grew up on them. But there was just something so fun about this one because it kind of turns everything up on its head.

Megan Figueroa: All of the references were very up to date. You’re like, “This movie is obviously made in 2019.”

Carrie Gillon: Yes. Yes.

Megan Figueroa: Anyway, lots of fun language stuff. Today’s episode’s fun.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah!

Megan Figueroa: We wanna gift our listeners with things that aren’t always very, very sad.

Carrie Gillon: I mean, there’s obviously a little bit of sadness associated with names, so we do talk a little bit about the dark side of names. But, for the most part, it’s more fun stuff like why you can tell what era someone’s born by their name.

Megan Figueroa: People should let us know on Twitter or wherever about their names or their name stories. That’d be really fun.

Carrie Gillon: On Anchor, you can record a voicemail for us if you wish. Let’s maybe do it. Let’s do a show where people call in. You can talk about your name or whatever – anything you find interesting. But I think names are fun.

Megan Figueroa: Well, names – I mean, like talking about it in the episode – everyone has a story about their name – probably a million. If you wanna share that with us, that would be great. How do you get to that, Carrie?

Carrie Gillon: You can add a message at anchor.fm/the-vocal-fries

Megan Figueroa: Yes, leave us a voicemail. Enjoy this episode!

[Music]

Megan Figueroa: Today, we are joined by Dr. Laurel MacKenzie who is an assistant professor at NYU who studies the variability inherent in language. She’s interested in linguistic choices we make and how and why we make them. The goal of her research is to better understand the patterns that underlie variation and change in language. We have her here today to talk about names.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yep.

Megan Figueroa: Thank you so much for being here!

Laurel MacKenzie: You’re welcome. Thank you for having me. My pleasure.

Megan Figueroa: I say “here” as if we’re all in the same space, but it’s really just the same virtual space.

Laurel MacKenzie: We’re in the same cyber space.

Megan Figueroa: Exactly. [Laughter]

Carrie Gillon: Cyber.

Laurel MacKenzie: I know! Good word, right? Let’s bring it back.

Carrie Gillon: We wanted to talk to you about names. I believe it was Daniel Currie Hall who wanted us to talk about names.

Laurel MacKenzie: So, this was a request?

Carrie Gillon: This was a request, yeah. We didn’t know who to turn to, and I think Lisa Davidson told us to talk to you.

Laurel MacKenzie: I can tell you a little bit about why and how I’m interested in names. Well, I don’t know if there’s a reason for why I’m interested in it, but I have always sort of – well, yeah. As someone with a name that you can’t find on keychains and mugs, I guess I was always aware of names growing up. I think it might actually have been Bill Labov, who was my PhD thesis advisor, who introduced me to the academic literature on names.

Bill had grown very interested in questions about how innovations in language catch on and progress and propagate through a community. He found a line of research by the sociologist Stanley Lieberson about how innovations and fashion catch on and propagate through a community. Lieberson particularly investigated this with respect to names. The anecdote that Lieberson told was that he named his daughter “Rebecca,” thinking, “Oh, that’s a nice, interesting, unusual name.” Then, Rebecca got to kindergarten and was “Rebecca L.” because there were three other “Rebecca”s in the class.

Labov had the exact same experience, also naming his daughter “Rebecca” at around the same time as Lieberson. Labov was really struck by this and told this anecdote a few times. The question it raised for him was, what’s going on? Why do so many people pick the same name at the same time but not at other times? What is it about certain names that are trendy, temporarily, but not at other times? How do people who don’t talk to each other about “What are you naming your kid? What are you naming your kid?” nonetheless pick the same names?

Labov saw an analogue in that the way names go in and out of style, in and out of fashion, to the way sound changes in language and changes in language more generally go in and out of style and in and out of fashion.

Carrie Gillon: Brilliant.

Megan Figueroa: That is so brilliant. The way some people’s brains work is so fascinating to me.

Laurel MacKenzie: That’s Bill’s brain. Bill is like the galaxy brain on the galaxy brain meme. [Laughter] you never would’ve put that together. That clued me into the fact that there’s an academic literature on names. At around the same time, when I was in grad school – so like mid-2000s, 2006 – 2008 or so – there was this blog that came into being, “The Baby Name Wizard.” The author, Laura Wattenberg, was a social scientist – a quantitative social scientist – and she had downloaded all the social security data on names given to babies in the United States going back to the 1880s. She had put it into a searchable database with graphs, so you could search for a name like “Brian” and see the rate at which “Brian” was given to babies from 1880 up to the present day.

You could see trends go in and out of fashion. You could search for just the beginning of names. You could see all the BR names – “Brian,” “Brady,” “Brianna,” “Britney” – which are very 80s/90s era-sounding names. That was really fun. I enjoyed playing around with that. Then, it all came together my final year of my PhD program when I was on the job market. I applied for a job at the University of Manchester where I was asked to propose three new courses at each level of the undergrad curriculum. Anyone listening to this who might wanna go on the academic job market one day, be prepared that this is the kinda thing that people might ask you about.

I was like, “Oh, that’s kinda fun. It’s a little exercise in teaching creativity.” The hardest part for me was figuring out what to teach first year undergraduates because it had to be something new that was not on the course curriculum already – so it couldn’t just be Introduction to Phonetics, Introduction to Sociolinguistics – but also it had to be appropriate for students who didn’t have much background in linguistics.

I kind of mulled over this for a long time, and it came to me one day as I was brushing my teeth, “What about the linguistics of names?” I like names. You can talk about how names go in and out of fashion, but you can also talk about things like the phonology of nickname formation or the morphology of naming in cultures that have interesting morphological systems. You can talk about gender and naming. You can talk about sound symbolism and naming – the way that researchers have found that certain product names might sound more rich and creamy, or more crunchy, based on the sounds that they have in them.

The more I thought, the more I was like, “You know, you could fill a one-semester undergraduate course on the linguistics of names.” I proposed that, and I ended up getting the job. In my offer letter, they said, “Next semester, you will be teaching Linguistics of Names,” and I was like, “Oh, god!” This had to go from a 30-second “You could do this” to a genuine one-semester course in a very short amount of time. I had to really put my money where my mouth was and read all this literature on the linguistics of names. But there is a fair amount of it out there.

I taught that course for three semesters at Manchester. I was very popular among the undergrads. It was a lot of fun to teach. I put it all together in that article for the “Teaching Linguistics” section of Language on the hopes that it might help other people.

Megan Figueroa: Do you still teach it at NYU?

Laurel MacKenzie: Haven’t taught it here at NYU, no. I would like to bring it back one of these days. I think it would make a good freshman seminar. That’s the kind of level it’s appropriate for.

Megan Figueroa: The reason why it’s so good that we’re talking to you about names and the reason why this is such a successful class, I’m guessing, is because we all care so deeply about our own names. Either we really hated it growing up or whatever, we just have lots and lots of big feelings about our names. I can imagine you as a little girl going by the mugs and seeing “Lauren” and being like, “Ugh! There’s ‘Lauren,’ and there’s where ‘Laurel’ should be.”

I did the same thing where I was like – at a certain period “Megan” was being spelled with H a lot. My name, “Megan,” M-E-G-A-N, would be missing but they’d still have the H ones and I’m like, “It’s not the same thing. I can’t just buy that mug.”  

Laurel MacKenzie: Scribble it out.

Carrie Gillon: Cross out the H.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah, exactly. [Laughter]

Laurel MacKenzie: There was a viral tweet a while ago, something like, “Every name has a natural enemy” or “a natural nemesis” or something. It was by a guy named Josh, and he was like, “Mine is ‘John’” or something, “What’s yours?” It was really fun to see all the racks of responses that it accumulated.

Megan Figueroa: Carrie’s would be just “Carrie” spelled the other way, right?

Carrie Gillon: No. Mine is “Karen” because it gets misheard as “Karen” a lot. Pretty recently I went to a Starbucks, and she asked for my name, and I said, “Carrie,” and she misheard it as “Karen,” and I was like, “That’s fine because who cares,” right? She was like, “Oh, I got it wrong.” Then, she put down “Anna.” And I was like, “What?” [Laughter]

Megan Figueroa: You mentioned the “Brady/Britney/Brian” sounding very 80s, is there actually literature – were you able to track that that the /bʁə/ sound was very popular at that time?

Laurel MacKenzie: You can actually go look up the Baby Name Voyager, which is –

Megan Figueroa: That was the Wizard?

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah. That’s that website I was telling you about. It’s still there. The Baby Name Wizard was, I think, the name of the website and the Voyager is the search engine, basically, where you search through all the data.

Carrie Gillon: My impression is “Brian” is at least somewhat older because I know older “Brian”s – but “Britney,” for sure, I don’t remember hearing any “Brittney’s until the 80s.

Laurel MacKenzie: So, I just typed it in, and the peak is definitely right at the 1990s. The most popular names that are showing up are “Brandon,” “Bradly,” “Britney,” “Brianna,” “Brian,” spelled a couple different ways – “Bryan” with a Y, “Brian” with an I – “Brooke” is in here, “Bruce.” There’s others but there was a big peak.

Carrie Gillon: “Bruce”? My uncle’s name is Bruce.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah, “Bruce,” to me, doesn’t seem to show. That peaked in the 50s. “Bruce”hais a slightly different trajectory.

Megan Figueroa: My mom’s name is Charlotte, which sounds so old school to me, except then the –

Carrie Gillon: It’s coming back.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah, Princess Charlotte over in –

Laurel MacKenzie: “Charlotte” came back.

Megan Figueroa: I mean, it cycles, right? That’s one of the things you looked at.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. That was something that I learned from reading Lieberson, yeah. He looks at these roller coaster type patterns where names that were really common in the 1880s/1890s/turn of the century get recycled. His theory is that those names get imbued with an old fashioned feeling when they’re the names of your parents and grandparents, but once all the old “Charlotte”s have sort of died off, they lose those connotations and they’re ripe for being revitalized in a way.

That doesn’t hold for everything. I don’t think “Ethel” is coming back, some of these –

Carrie Gillon: No. Or “Doris.”

Laurel MacKenzie: Right. But a lot of them – so “Emma,” I think, is a very similar trajectory. I’m looking at it in the Voyager right now. It shows a real trough and then a massive peak.

Carrie Gillon: That makes sense.

Laurel MacKenzie: All the FL starting names – so I just typed in “FL,” so you get “Flora,” “Florence,” “Flossy,” “Floyd” – those have all just tanked and they’re not really coming back. Although, you never know. “Florence” –

Carrie Gillon: “Florence” is a little bit nicer than “Doris.” Maybe.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah.

Carrie Gillon: You’ve already sort of answered this but maybe you can delve into one area that you think is the most interesting. What can we learn studying names?

Laurel MacKenzie: I designed my undergrad course around a single question which was whether names behaved like other elements of language or whether names are somehow linguistically special. From a lot of perspectives, names do actually seem a lot like other elements of language. Phonologically, they behave very similarly. For instance, nouns in English tend to be trochaic, they have stress on the first syllable. Most of the names in English do too, or at least the disyllabic ones.

Names follow similar processes of hypocoristic formation, so the way we make nicknames. We use very similar processes when we make nicknames or play names of non-name words. There’s a lot of phonological literature on when you make a nickname, what part of the name do you chop off, basically.

Megan Figueroa: Is this in English?

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah. In English, at least, but other Germanic languages and French as well has specific nickname formation patterns that are followed by names but also can be done to non-name words, I think. Those were similarities. I thought the sociolinguistic similarities were really interesting too because names are a lot like accents. You’re brought up with them. They’re bestowed upon you. They’re not necessarily something you choose. They can be really hard to change. They can carry hallmarks of somebody’s ethnic background, their social class background, their gender certainly, and they’re subject to taste and fashion in the same way that changing elements of language can be too.

Megan Figueroa: Also, I bet we’re seeing a spike in gender non-conforming names right now – those vague names.

Laurel MacKenzie: It’s an interesting question, yeah. There’s a fair amount of literature on the phonological correlates of names given to babies of different genders, different sexes. Researchers have found – again, in English and using data in the US, although I suspect the UK would be really similar – that names given to babies assigned female at birth tend to be longer. They tend to have more syllables. They tend to be more likely to end in a vowel, specifically schwa. Think of like, “Amanda,” “Rebecca,” those sorts of things. They tend not to have stress on the initial syllable compared to names given to babies assigned male at birth. That’s, again, like, “Amanda,” “Rebecca,” “Marie.”

One exercise that I had my students do is to look at whether names have become less likely over time to show these gender hallmarks like, “Have names given to baby boys gotten more quote-unquote ‘feminine’ in their phonology and have names given to baby girls gotten less feminine?” What we actually found is that both sets of names seem to have had more phonological correlates associated with femininity over time, at least in the US data, which is a little surprising.

Carrie Gillon: I’ve also heard that boys’ names tend to end in /n/ like, “Brandon,” and “Aiden.”

Laurel MacKenzie: That’s a huge spike. Yeah. Boys’ names used to end more in obstruents, so your hard consonants – stops and fricatives and things. Now, there’s been a big rise in N-final baby names. Part of that I noticed in digging through the data is that there’s been a big spike in a lot of rhyming names. “Aiden” became popular in the early 2000s, I think. Then, we see this massive influx of “Braden,” “Zaden,” “Jaden,” “Raden,” “Hayden,” “Kayden” spelled a couple of different ways, seemingly all on the model of “Aiden.” That’s probably beefing up the number of N-final boys names.

Megan Figueroa: I wonder if that’s like the whole “Lauren” and “Laurel” thing, if that’s just a little bit different than “Aiden.” Maybe it’ll be a little bit more unique. Then, it just so happens that since it’s similar to “Aiden” that other people were thinking the same thing. It kinda starts trending.

Laurel MacKenzie: This is exactly what Lieberson says – the sociologist Stanley Lieberson – about how innovations in taste and fashion catch on. They catch on because they’re just a tiny little bit different from what was popular before. They’re not so different that they feel threatening, but they’re different enough that they can seem a little bit innovative or interesting. He makes the analogy to skirt lengths changing over time, actually. He tracked this in, I think, ads in fashion magazines. Over the course of the 20th century, skirts got much, much, much shorter and then they worked their way longer again. But it was only by tiny little increments. It was never a massive jump.

Carrie Gillon: That’s so fascinating!

Laurel MacKenzie: I know! If you see which names are popular, you can trace “Jacen” to “Jacob,” to “Mason,” to “Aiden,” among the topmost popular boys names. They’re all phonologically similar but not identical. It’s really neat.

Carrie Gillon: That is really neat.

Laurel MacKenzie: Another thing I learned in researching names is that there are countries and cultures where naming is very government regulated. Your name has to be on a list, and those lists have assigned genders with them too. There was a big news story a few years back where parents in Iceland wanted to name – I believe it was that they wanted to name a baby girl “Blaer,” which means “breeze” or something. But “blaer” is a masculine noun in Iceland so the government wouldn’t allow it because the child was female.

Carrie Gillon: I’ve heard of this before. I hadn’t heard about this particular case those. I wonder if there’s a way to feminize it in Icelandic that would’ve made it acceptable.

Laurel MacKenzie: That I don’t know.

Carrie Gillon: Not that they should be forced to do that, I’m just curious.

Laurel MacKenzie: “Blaer,” B-L-A-E-R. It means “light breeze.” Oh, apparently the decision got overturned.

Carrie Gillon: Oh, okay. Well, that’s good.

Megan Figueroa: Since you’ve looked at this, do you notice that there’re some countries or pockets of the country where family names are more important to pass on?

Laurel MacKenzie: Oh, as first names?

Megan Figueroa: Yeah.

Laurel MacKenzie: Anecdotally, I always had that impression in the south.

Megan Figueroa: That would be my guess but, yeah.

Laurel MacKenzie: That’s just my association. I grew up in Texas and I knew kids at least whose middle names were their mother’s maiden name.

Megan Figueroa: Oh, that’s very Mexican too.

Carrie Gillon: And also very British. My family – that was a tradition.

Laurel MacKenzie: Maybe there’s just a lot of that out there.

Carrie Gillon: That was a tradition. But my parents decided not to go with that tradition anymore because they just – I dunno. They were kind of non-traditional, I guess. Yeah. It’s common, I think, in lots of different cultures to do that. I guess the United States may be – depending on which country your family originated from – you may or may not continue to do it.

Laurel MacKenzie: It occurs to me, I don’t know of any research on middle names, and that could be actually pretty interesting because I feel like middles is just a whole wild west. They don’t really get used much. You hardly ever see them except on really official documents. It’s like people could go kinda wild but I’m not sure that they do. I feel like growing up I knew a whole lot of people whose middle name was either “Marie” or “Lee” or something.

Carrie Gillon: Or “Anne.”

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah! Very small set.

Carrie Gillon: The only time we really hear about people’s middle names is if they’re a serial killer, and that’s only to distinguish them from all other people with the same name.

Megan Figueroa: That’s so funny.

Carrie Gillon: Or there’re people in Hollywood who will use their middle initial because they also have to distinguish themselves from the other Michael Fox or whatever in SAG. Middle names are interesting, and I do know people without any middle names at all. That also gets them in trouble because it’s expected in North American culture, but they’re not necessary.

Laurel MacKenzie: Harry S Truman does not have a middle name. His middle name was just “S,” right? He just made that up as a president because he felt he needed on.

Carrie Gillon: You’re not supposed to put a period afterwards because it’s not an abbreviation. It’s just S.

Laurel MacKenzie: That’s right. That’s a good point of punctuation trivia.

Carrie Gillon: I just found this out a couple weeks ago.

Laurel MacKenzie: I had this thought the other night, I wonder if anybody has ever used a middle initial of a letter that is also a roman numeral and then insisted that, no, my middle is not “V,” it’s “Five.”

Carrie Gillon: Why not? [Laughter]

Laurel MacKenzie: You might hear that on the next kid.  

Carrie Gillon: Experimentation through having children.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. But, yeah, you mentioned surnames as first names and that, from reading the blog associated with the Baby Name Wizard, was something that I think she noticed had been on the rise, definitely. I mean, to take an example at random, I definitely noticed where there were a bunch of little Makenzies starting – that started to be a thing. I hadn’t known anyone with my last name as their first name until, I think it was about high school when this started happening for me.

Megan Figueroa: I had the opposite, since my last name’s not “MacKenzie,” but I always thought that was a first name. When I see it as a last name, I’m like, “Oh? Okay.”

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. When I started seeing it as a first name, I was like, “I had it first.” [Laughter]

Megan Figueroa: I think a lot of interesting things are happening with names too because people are, I dunno, coming to terms with it or deciding for themselves that you don’t have to name a child with the father’s last name too. A lot of different things are happening with that too. I feel like it’s a really interesting time for names.

I grew up with a lot of girls whose names were like, “Alexandra,” or “Samantha,” and they would by “Alex” and “Sam.” I’m seeing those just becoming names for girls now – just naming your child “Sam” or “Alex” – which I think is pretty cool.

Carrie Gillon: Well, technically, my name is a diminutive of “Carolyn” or “Caroline,” but I was named “Carrie.” That is my name.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. Nicknames can sort of take on a life of their own.

Megan Figueroa: I dunno. I think that there is still some societal expectations that a “Sam” or an “Alex” is perhaps more masculine coded too, so to see these nicknames being first names for baby girls is interesting to me.

Laurel MacKenzie: Right.

Megan Figueroa: This shift.

Laurel MacKenzie: So, the question is, does the gender shift ever go the other way? Do we ever find feminine-coded names being given to baby boys?

Carrie Gillon: Not that I’m aware of.

Laurel MacKenzie: The closest we can get is that – so names like “Noah” and “Jonah,” ending in an /ə/, which is, in many English names, a feminine ending because a lot of them come from Latin and other romance languages, I think.

Carrie Gillon: But those are Biblical names.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. They’re not feminine coded even though they sound a little bit feminine. They don’t even.

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. I think it’s because they’re Biblical where they just would never shift in that way because, unless everyone stopped reading the Bible for, like, a hundred years or something, then maybe.

Laurel MacKenzie: I suspect that other Biblical names like “Rebecca” has really plummeted since the 80s and 90s. I mean, obviously “Mary” – “Mary” was the Number 1 name given to baby girls until the 1970s. In 2017, it was down to Number 126.

Carrie Gillon: Wow. Yeah. Now’s maybe the time.

Laurel MacKenzie: To bring back the Biblical names?

Carrie Gillon: To use “Mary” for a girl child that’s gonna be somewhat unique maybe.

Laurel MacKenzie: She’ll probably be the only one in her class, yeah. It’s possible. I think another reason I was always so interested in this was because my mom was an elementary school teacher for about 20 years. Every year she was coming home with “You can’t imagine the new names in my class this year.”

Carrie Gillon: When I was growing up, it was a lot of “Jennifer”s. So many “Jennifer”s.

Laurel MacKenzie: “Jennifer” was Number 1 in the 70s and 80s.

Carrie Gillon: When I was growing up, you could sort of tell – I’m from Canada, and you could tell if a boy had come from the more Ontario area or more from the British Columbia area. There were a lot of “Dave”s from Ontario and a lot of “Mike”s from British Columbia.

Laurel MacKenzie: Hah! Yeah. It’s like pinpointing where someone is from based on their accent. It’s this linguistic hallmark that you get stamped with depending on when and where and what culture you’re from.

Megan Figueroa: I think this has been of interest to a lot of people recently because of Hassan Minhaj. Am I saying his name right, Carrie?

Carrie Gillon: I think so.

Megan Figueroa: I think I said it right because I had been saying it /ˌhəˈsan/ for so long, but then he corrected Ellen so it was /ˈhəˌsən/, having that whole viral thing where he talked to Ellen about his name and he was like, “Listen, my parents named me this, so this is how you’re gonna say it,” right? I think there has been some interest, at least looking at Twitter and the Vocal Fries and what people will tag us in, that people are real interested in how we can be assholes about names, which I think is great because it’s not like suddenly it’s possible to be an asshole about names. It’s been possible the whole time. But now people really seem to care and want to know how not to be an asshole about it.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. There’s some good literature on this in education and in linguistic anthropology about teachers and students’ feelings when they’re basically – the term is – “indexically bleached” or “racial/ethnically bleached” by teachers just either butchering their name pronunciation – not trying to get the pronunciation right – or even just renaming the kid entirely. “Oh, I can’t say your name. You’re Jeff now.”

[Excerpt from Key & Peele Substitute Teacher]

Kegan Michael Key: All right, listen up, ya’ll. I’m ya’ll’s substitute teacher, Mr. Garvey. I taught school for 20 years in the inner city so don’t even think about messing with me. Ya’ll feel me? Okay. Let’s take role here. /d͡ʒɛɪkwɛlɪn/? Where’s /d͡ʒɛɪkwɛlɪn/ at?

[End excerpt]

Megan Figueroa: It’s so ridiculous to think that one population or demographic of people have “normal” names, like they’re the only ones with quote-unquote “normal” names. It’s just so absurd to think that. I think a lot of us get stuck in our little bubble – not that you’re meaning to be an asshole, it’s just so easy to get stuck in that idea that, “Well, of course, my name is normal. Why is your name so strange?”

Laurel MacKenzie: I know. That’s like accents. You don’t realize you have one, you think everybody else does.

Megan Figueroa: Absolutely. That’s a really good analogy.

Carrie Gillon: There’s many ways that ethnicity or race can be encoded by names, but I think black names in the United States are particularly noticeable to white people. Is there any interesting research on those? And how can we tell white people to be less of an asshole about that stuff?

Laurel MacKenzie: Let’s see. So, the research that I know of – I know Stanley Lieberson, again, the name guy, has research looking at distinctive African American names and when they came into being. He actually found that they correlated really well with the civil rights movement and the black rights movement. People started becoming more likely to actually make names up entirely or use variations on existing names. That was where black naming practices and white naming practices – we can really see them diverge quantitatively.

The flip side to names are like accents is that the fact that accent discrimination exists means that name discrimination exists. There have also been studies that have sent out identical resumes with traditionally black names and traditionally white names and found fewer call backs to the resume with the black name than the traditionally white name, just like we find with linguistic profiling – the work of John Baugh – who called up a bunch of different real estate agents speaking mainstream American English or African American English or Chicano English and got different amounts of call backs depending on the accent he was using. There’s a parallel for any sociolinguistics study about discrimination in names it seems.

Megan Figueroa: Someone once told me that I was lucky to have my last name because surely that helped me with my resume if people saw my resume. And I was like, “No, I’m sorry.” That’s very offensive to say that to someone. Like, you can think it, sure, but keep it to yourself. But also that’s not how it works, not yet.

Carrie Gillon: I mean, maybe there’s one job where that might work for you but, generally, no.

Megan Figueroa: Well, there was one time where I was told I was – I did AmeriCorps, and the man, who was Mexican-American, he’s like, “I saw your name. I looked at your statement about your story with Spanish,” and he was like, “You’re gonna be able to connect with these kids.” That’s, I think, a very good thing that that all happened but, for the most part, a name like my last name, unconsciously to a lot of people or consciously, is not gonna do as well as “Smith.” My point there is that a lot of people – well-meaning people – do not know that. They really think it’s changed.

Carrie Gillon: I know a lot of white people are living in a fantasy, maybe less so now – the last three years maybe, hopefully, woke some of them up. But I think a lot of white people are living in a fantasy of a post-racial world.

Laurel MacKenzie: It’s interesting. There’s the one line of research on this, I’ll call it, “overt” discrimination of names. There’s another interesting paper I found a while back by a researcher named Latanya Sweeney. It’s called “Discrimination and Online Ad Delivery.” What she did is she tried googling a bunch of different names – more traditionally black-coded names and white-coded names – and seeing what sort of ads Google offered her up.

She was finding, when you google a black name like “Latanya,” you were more likely to get ads for arrest records than if you google [sighs and groans] – yeah – than a more white-coded name like “Emily.” It’ll say, “Latanya. Has she been arrested? Click here to find out,” which you’re not getting when you search for “Emily” for instance.

Carrie Gillon: I should not be shocked but I actually am.

Megan Figueroa: I am too because I thought you were gonna say like maybe some black hair products or something very, very – that you could buy.

Carrie Gillon: That’s where my brain went too.

Laurel MacKenzie: That could be productive, but this is just like, “Oh, yeah. Algorithms are racist too.”

Carrie Gillon: We’ve talked about that before and, yes – yes, they are.

Megan Figueroa: Because they’re created by humans who are racist, and misogynistic, and all of this.

Carrie Gillon: Speaking of that connection there, there was also a guy who was talking about sending out resumes and his name is “Kim.” He had to change his resume to “Mr. Kim Whatever” because he wasn’t getting call backs. There’s also sexist –

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah. There’s another study that I think it was published in Science or Nature. The researchers sent out resumes for a lab manager position that were either “John” or “Jennifer” or something like that – experienced that same sort of thing.

FiveThirtyEight, the website, had an article a few years back, “How to Guess Somebody’s Age When All You Know is Their Name,” and they combined name statistics and actuarial tables to basically include like, “Okay. If your name peaked around the 1930s, you’re likely to live X number of years. If you meet a ‘John,’ they’re probably from this era,’” or so.

Carrie Gillon: I loved that. That’s one of my favorite things that they’ve done.

Laurel MacKenzie: It’s just remarkable having never – once you realize that names can be pinpointed to an era with such accuracy to then think about the next level of like, “How on earth does that happen? How do these things really go through those sort of chronological waves?”

This is something that Lieberson points out. Unlike fashion, we don’t have magazines telling us like, “Name your kid ‘Rebecca’ now! It’s the trendy 80s thing to do. Everyone else is doing it.” But somehow, we pick it up. That’s how innovations in language progress too. Nobody goes around saying, “Oh, it’s the trendy thing nowadays to say /æ̃/ instead of /æ/. Everyone else in Michigan is doing it,” but it happens.

Megan Figueroa: It’s true. I think baby name books existed back then. It’s nothing like today where it’s like, “Baby Name Generator,” or all these websites that you can look at. Still, you see these trends.

Carrie Gillon: That’s a good point. Has anything changed as a result that now that we have more information at our fingertips? Or is it still the same?

Megan Figueroa: Game of Throne names.

Carrie Gillon: That’s a change.

Laurel MacKenzie: Celebrity names – that’s always been a possibility, right? There’s a little “Shirley” peak for Shirley Temple back in the 30s or 40s. You can see presidential bumps – “Franklin” for the Roosevelt bump and I think there’s a little “Herbert” bump around Herbert Hoover that you can see in the data. Game of Thrones names for that – and they’re not that different there, I guess. But the question of like the way information is just more available to us now than it used to be, is that changing naming? I don’t know.

Carrie Gillon: What you might, maybe, expect is, “Okay. I see that this is on the rise. I don’t wanna join.” Whereas, you couldn’t really do that before because you didn’t have that much information. I dunno if that’s actually happening.

Megan Figueroa: Again, along with that access to information, I’m again reminded of people caring more about being right – “being right” – trying hard to be right about people’s names and caring that that’s a very personal part of someone. What are some of the biggest ways you would that there are to be assholes about names? What is it?

Okay. We’ve talked about perhaps this is happening unconsciously – but seeing someone’s last name and thinking maybe they’re not as qualified or they’re more likely to have been arrested. That’s one asshole thing.

Laurel MacKenzie: Yeah. Snap social judgments about somebody’s character or personality or interests or even language abilities or anything based on their name.

Megan Figueroa: Ah! That feels very personal because – I’m at Verizon. I tell the person my name. Okay Gave them my last name. He was Mexican American. He’s like, “Oh, you’re Mexican too. You speak Spanish then?” It’s like, “No.” [Groans] Yeah. Also, of course, it’s not even without a foreign language, right? Or “foreign” – or another language. With black names, people can be assholes and assume that their English isn’t as good because we have these assumptions about African American English.

Laurel MacKenzie: Just like opinions and attitudes toward people seep into attitudes toward people’s language, the same thing happens with people’s names. There’s that aspect. There’s the aspect of perception of traits based on a name. Then, there’s also the production aspect. How do you pronounce somebody’s name when they ask you to pronounce it? I know you talked about this in the episode when you had Zack Jaggers on – former colleague of mine from NYU.

Megan Figueroa: Ya’ll are doing good stuff over there.

Laurel MacKenzie: I know! It’s a great place to be. There’s actually a poster down the hall from me on which Zach was the first author and other colleagues here at NYU were co-authors. It’s called, “What it Means When You Say My Name Right: Subjective Evaluations of the Linguistic Reproduction of Names.” Zach and his collaborators did an online study where listeners heard audio clips in which a conversation participant either accurately or inaccurately reproduced the other conversation participant’s name.

One person says, “Hi, my name is Natalia.” And the other person either says, “Oh, hi, Natalia” or “Oh, hi, Natalie” or “Nataliea” or something very anglicized. Then, they asked subjects’ opinions of the person who repeated the name – “Do you think they’re working class or middle class? Do you think they’re likely to vote republican or conservative? Do you think they’re intelligent? Do you think they’re friendly?” – and so forth and had people rate them on a number of different metrics.

Accurate reproductions of a name, whether it was either Anglo or not, were rated more sociable, more friendly, more polite, more cooperative. Listeners were more likely to wanna be friends with those people who accurately reproduce names. It’s the nice thing to do. Listen to people when they tell you how they say their name and do your best to reproduce it.

Carrie Gillon: Yes. Do your best. Some are easier than others. “Natalia” is not that hard for an English speaker. There’re other names that are harder.

Laurel MacKenzie: I mean, in my experience, people are reasonable. They understand that their name has a sound in it that is hard for English speakers and they will often give you an alternative. “If you can’t say the /ɖə/ say it like a /də/, but please don’t say it like a /ɹə/.”

Carrie Gillon: Right. Exactly.

Laurel MacKenzie: I find, even from my own experience with a name that is not phonologically difficult to other people, they often just seem to listen to the first part when I say my name and tune out the rest of it, so I just say, “Hi, I’m Laurel” – “Oh, hi, Lauren,” as if they had just stopped listening after the first syllable.

Carrie Gillon: That’s what’s happening with me too! I didn’t realize that. I actually thought it was just I was pronouncing it funny or I wasn’t being clear enough. But, no, they’re not paying attention.

Laurel MacKenzie: I wonder if that’s part of it.

Megan Figueroa: I gotta say though that I get really anxious when I meet people for the first time – it’s getting better with age – that I can see tuning out on the second half of a name, or just not even getting the name the first time.

Carrie Gillon: Well, I’ve definitely said the name wrong to someone because I’ve misheard it. I mean, that happens. As long as they correct you and you go, “Oh, sorry.”

Megan Figueroa: But it’s a pattern for you both. I totally get it.

Carrie Gillon: I don’t really care. If it’s a person that I’m gonna talk to more than once in my life, I want them to get my name right. If it’s a Starbucks person, I don’t care.

Megan Figueroa: Although, some of the Starbucks people care so much. You know why though, and it makes me sad? It’s probably because they get so much shit from people.

Carrie Gillon: They do get a lot of shit. That’s why I don’t want to be an asshole by them because like, “Eh, it’s fine. ‘Karen’ is fine.”

Laurel MacKenzie: But they could also just call out order numbers. Do they really need to do names?

Carrie Gillon: This is a corporate decision, right, because they wanna humanize –

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. It’s not the barista’s fault, sure.

Megan Figueroa: I dunno if it’s true elsewhere or what the major company is for Safeway. I know that fries is Kroger, but Safeway here in Arizona, they have a company policy where they say the last name on the person’s card. And I’m like, “Ugh! That’s so stressful for me.” Every time. Especially when I’m with my dad who says it always with the Spanish pronunciation.

Then, I remember as a kid, he would say that, and they wouldn’t understand, and it was one of those awkward moments, and I just hated it. At a certain point, he had decided that he didn’t care. He was gonna do it no matter what. I’m at that point too where I can see why, when you get to that point, it’s freeing, but as a kid, I was like, “Oh, we’re having one of those moments again.”

Laurel MacKenzie: See, that policy is extra problematic because you need a title in addition to the last name, right? Then, I get, “Thanks, Miss MacKenzie,” and it’s like, “Ugh.”

Carrie Gillon: Yeah. Same. I also have a problem with my last name. So, “Gillon” is just like “Dillon” but, for some reason, everyone wants to pronounce it /gɪliən/. Again, I don’t really care if it’s someone I don’t know but, if we’re gonna know each other for more than one interaction, it – yeah.

Laurel MacKenzie: Actually, Carrie, with your last name, I have the /gɪf/d͡ʒɪf/ problem. I wasn’t sure whether you were /gɪlən/ or /d͡ʒɪlən/.

Megan Figueroa: But not /d͡ʒɪliən/, right?

Laurel MacKenzie: No. That one I could tell. There wasn’t another I in there. This just goes to show that, I mean, yes, there can be idiosyncratic pronunciations. You don’t know whether someone says their name with the French pronunciation or the English pronunciation. It’s like, just ask! Ask people how to pronounce their names.

Just two days ago, we got an email from NYU saying, “We have now made it possible for students to enter their name pronunciations into the student system.”

Carrie Gillon: Perfect. But that should’ve been earlier.

Laurel MacKenzie: It should’ve been earlier. And I won’t be entirely happy until everybody knows IPA, and then they can actually enter it in IPA because, I mean, it’s great to get pronunciations, but if they’re not in IPA, I’m not gonna be able – will I really know how to say them?

Carrie Gillon: I totally get it. I mean, especially if it’s not English. You’re like, “Hmm.”

Laurel MacKenzie: “That makes sense to you but” – yeah.

Carrie Gillon: We have the same problem. We say, “If you want us to pronounce your name correctly, can you please give us” – like, if it’s not obvious from the spelling – “Can you give us a pronunciation guide?” A lot of people don’t know the IPA, so they’re like, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” And I’m like, “You shouldn’t apologize, but also, I don’t know!” My best guess. I do my best guess.

Megan Figueroa: I know. I get so nervous pronouncing people’s names on this podcast, even when I ask them before. Then, we start recording and I’m like, “This is so important.” I’ve gotten better but it’s like – because interviewing gets easier, everything gets easier, but the name just feels so heavy and important still. It’s the one thing – okay. We’re gonna respect this in the most perfect pronunciation that I can possibly do.

I dunno. It’s great to talk about names. I could talk all day about names. I’m just realizing how many stories I have about my name. And I know that everyone has tons of stories about their name. Some of them happy, some of them quite discriminatory. There’s all these things.

Laurel MacKenzie: It’s this funny thing that we didn’t choose our names, and yet we’re basically stuck with them unless we wanna jump through a fair amount of hoops.

Megan Figueroa: That’s a good point too though. We should really make it easier for people to legally change their name.

Carrie Gillon: I know. It’s such a mess. Considering that for a long, long time – and women are still doing it – women were expected to change their last names. We still make it very hard for women to do that, all things considered, that that was the norm for so long. It still is, technically.

Megan Figueroa: The money involved – I remember my friend changed their name and it was like – we all had a little get together party for it because it was a big deal because not only is it legally hard but they had to get money for it and there was some fundraising involved. It shouldn’t cost emotionally and financially like it does.

Carrie Gillon: It also has implications for voting later because every time the republicans make it harder to vote, often it affects anyone who’s changed their name.

Megan Figueroa: Yeah. Because of the IDs they have, you mean? They won’t match?

Carrie Gillon: Mm-hmm.

Megan Figueroa: Well, universities are getting a lot better, at least. I can say that working at the University of Arizona. It’s much easier to put which name you would like to have on your ID that will show up with the professors or any of your TAs. They’ll see that name.

Carrie Gillon: That’s good. That’s very good.

Megan Figueroa: It’s a small thing to do, but it’s big because you actually realize how –

Carrie Gillon: Important it was.

Megan Figueroa: – hard it was. Yeah. How important it was – or “is.” Are there any other big ways that – well, okay, here’s the opposite question. How can we not be assholes? You said just be kind and ask people how to pronounce their name. Are there any other advice you have?

Laurel MacKenzie: Don’t make snap judgements by names. Call people what they wanna be called and how they want to be called it – how they want it pronounced. Yeah. I think that pretty much sums it up with names.

Megan Figueroa: It sounds so simple. It could be if we wanted it to, right?

Laurel MacKenzie: Right. Why is it hard?

Carrie Gillon: I mean, I think it’s mostly simple as long as people don’t wanna be assholes. It’s just we get anxious when we don’t know how to pronounce a name. That’s the only thing that makes it kind of emotionally hard, and we should recognize that, but other than that, I think, it’s very easy.

Megan Figueroa: As someone who is an anxious person, I totally get it.

Carrie Gillon: Me too!

Megan Figueroa: Yeah, yeah. Gotta be some room to forgive yourself for it because it’s harder when you make a big deal about it after, right? You don’t wanna make the person uncomfortable by being like, “I’m so sorry. I’m the worst.”

Carrie Gillon: Right. Just remember with Kirby’s episode when we talked about using the wrong pronouns, don’t go like, “Oh my god! I’m so sorry.” Just be like, “Oh, sorry.”

Megan Figueroa: Then, we move on. Make the change.

Laurel MacKenzie: I mean, name spelling is also something that is very variable. There’s “Elisabeth”s with an S, and with a Z, and that’s another thing where, make a good faith effort to get it right, but it’s not the end of the world. As a MacKenzie who has an A in the last name, I get “McKenzie” without an A a lot and – correct it and you move on.

Megan Figueroa: Except, if you spell “Meghan” with an H, I will kill you. Just kidding. [Laughter]

Laurel MacKenzie: I’m gonna send you a box full of Megan-with-an-H coffee mugs. [Laughter]

Megan Figueroa: Are you gonna do it with a sharpie and take the H out? Just put an X through it?

Laurel MacKenzie: Yes. All I could find. Hope it was good enough. [Laughter]

Carrie Gillon: Well, this has been so fun. Thank you so much for coming to talk to us.

Laurel MacKenzie: This has been great. My pleasure.

Megan Figueroa: Well, shall we say, “Don’t be an asshole”?

Carrie Gillon: Don’t be an asshole!

Laurel MacKenzie: Don’t be an asshole.

[Music]

Carrie Gillon: As of right now, we have two patrons to thank for this month. I’d like to thank Jamar Brown and Shelby Greenwood.

Megan Figueroa: Thank you so much.

Carrie Gillon: Yes. Thank you.

Megan Figueroa: I love all of you so much.

Carrie Gillon: heart eyes motherfucker! [Laughter] If you wanna join us on Patreon, you can, at patreon.com/vocalfriespod. We do bonus episodes for the $5.00 level. Everyone from the $3.00 level and $5.00 level gets stickers!

Carrie Gillon: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by me, Carrie Gillon, for Halftone Audio, them music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com, and our website is vocalfriespod.com.

[mobius-prime]

104. Sonic the Hedgehog #61

Outback Gut Check

Writer: Mike Gallagher Pencils: Harvo Mercadoocasio Colors: Frank Gagliardo

I've had my mind blown! I actually had no idea that "Harvo" and "Harvey Mercadoocasio" were the same person up until now. I always assumed "Harvo" was just a random guy using an alias or something, but nope, it's a nickname! My mistake.

Anyway, we open this issue with Guru Emu and Wombat Stu of the Downunda Freedom Fighters stuck in cages hanging above the ground, and Sonic, Tails, Barby Koala and Walt Wallabee down below, surrounded by a veritable army of platypuses that all look identical to Duck "Bill" apart from their color scheme, because in this universe, I can't stress enough how every Mobian species are just clones of one another (with the exception of armadillos apparently, if you look at Mighty vs. Arlo). We're thrown right into the action as the four who aren't caged up defend themselves from the attack fairly easily.

They manage to chase everyone off, and Sonic smashes open the cages, leaving everyone free to discuss amongst themselves what the hell is going on and give a convenient recap to us readers. Apparently, after the DFF sent the postcard to Knothole, they started cleaning the site of the prison camp up, which included disposing of many pieces of Crocbot's body that they found scattered around.

Soon after, Bill began leading a band of renegade platypuses, attacking the site of the cleanup operation and forcing it to be abandoned due to safety concerns. He then sent a peace offer to his former teammates, and Guru and Stu went to verify it only to predictably be captured. At the same time, Sonic and Tails arrived, having been ordered to check up on the DFF since they were in the area, and found Walt and Barby about to set out to rescue their friends, and thus they all teamed up. Now that reinforcements have arrived, they set off to take down Bill's operation once and for all, rafting down the river in pursuit.

I dunno why Sonic and Walt are being played off as hostile to one another, because it doesn't actually end up tying into the plot of this story at all, but whatever. They're ambushed from the water by a gang of platypuses on crocodile mounts, because why not? It's not even clear if they're Mobian crocs like Vector or just random wild crocs, but either way, Sonic fends them off by kicking up water, something which should not logically be a deterrent to platypuses or crocodiles by any stretch, and they reach Bill's hideout with relative ease.

Well that seems bizarre. They open up the floorboards to find none other than Crocbot, the eternal thorn in the DFF's side, half-disassembled and incapable of moving on his own. Man, this guy just won't die, will he? The second he's spotted he lays out his entire plan in multiple paragraphs without even being asked, about how when Bill was still trapped in his torture camp he implanted him with a mind control chip that lay dormant, and during the cleanup when he saw Crocbot's mangled remains it reactivated the chip, causing him to steal Crocbot's body and start rebuilding it in secret while raising his own platypus army to fight for him. Crocbot ends his little rant by saying his defeat doesn't matter either way, as the bunyip is about to arrive, but is disconnected before he can finish. With the threat ended for now, Sonic and Tails say goodbye and fly off once again.

Okay, first of all, yes the bunyip may be from Aborigine mythology, but that shouldn't even be something y'all talking animals should be aware of given you're not even living in the same world as we are. Second of all, yeah, Barby was flirting with Tails pretty hard throughout the entire story, something which is hella creepy if you consider that she's portrayed more as a teenager or young adult along with the other Downunda Freedom Fighters. She's not implied to be Tails' age at all. Apparently Ian Flynn acknowledged this much later on when he took over as head writer, stating that he would never consider making Barby/Tails a thing as long as he was in charge, because yeah, it's freaking weird. I don't know why Michael would even bother writing something like this in at all, but well, we already know he has a weird interest in setting up Tails with random female characters (as we saw with that awful "boing!" sound effect the moment Tails saw Fiona). It would have been a lot less awkward if he just played this as like, Barby being sweet to Tails because he's a little kid and Tails developing a kid crush on her, but no, he had to make it weird and write about a teenage girl flirting with a ten-year-old. Let it never be said that Ken Penders was the only one who wrote really inappropriate uncomfortable stuff for this comic, okay?

Total Turbulence

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: Steven Butler Colors: Frank Gagliardo

After their little adventure in Downunda, Sonic and Tails are flying over the ocean when they end up flying into a storm. What's more, the tracker on their plane that maps out Naugus' path across the world via his magic residue or whatever is going haywire and pointing in a dozen different directions. Apparently this is because… they're inside Naugus!

I don't know how they missed the fact that the clouds directly in front of them are shaped exactly like their adversary, but sure, okay! He whacks the plane, sending it careening down towards the ocean, but at the last second Sonic is able to pull up and get them flying again. In doing so, he inadvertently sets the plane on a direct collision course with Naugus' water-vapor-y face.

Imagine if that actually killed him? All his power and he just got exploded 'cause a plane flew into his face while he was in cloud form? Man, I would love that.

On His Majesty's Secret Service

Writer/Colors: Ken Penders Pencils: Art Mawhinney

Anyone remember Commander Fleming? He was an officer under Geoffrey in the Rebel Underground. He and Geoffrey are working to disarm more traps within Robotropolis, but Fleming is just getting too old to continue active service, and announces his resignation. Thus, King Acorn orders Geoffrey to begin putting together a new team to operate as a secret service for him.

Geoffrey already has three candidates in mind. The first is on the Floating Island, where Geoffrey fires off a trap from his crossbow towards a seemingly empty tree and catches, wouldn't you know it, an Espio clone! Except this guy is blue instead of purple. Apparently he once served as a secret operative and Geoffrey is bringing him back in. His next target is none other than Wombat Stu, whom he flies all the way to Downunda to drop in on and recruit. I'm surprised that Stu agrees so instantaneously, given that well, doesn't he already have his own team that he's loyal to? A team with whom he just risked his life to rescue one of its members and defeat their old adversary once again? Eh, whatever. Geoffrey finally drops in on Hershey as she's doing some paperwork for the princess, and simply tells her to "show up at the armory tomorrow morning" without even asking her properly if she wants in, apparently counting that as a successful recruitment. With that, he goes to bed, apparently having done all this within the span of one day - airplanes must be massively faster and more high tech in this world than our own if he was able to fly across the entire globe and back in one day - trusting that a good sleep will help him decide on the final member to recruit.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 13]

Once again back at the Bill Gaiden, we continue our quest to beat the game without any grinding.

The current take on this problem is to focus on only three members of the team in the final chapter. Plus prayer and possibly lots of X items I haven’t bought yet.

I believe in you, my precious team.

...Sort of.

On whatever route I’m on, a Persian shows up. I guess I will try to catch it.

I did catch it.

Its name is Oak.

Rock Smash get, and Oak is gonna learn it for us. As our last real run taught us, Krabby is the best for HMs. Nom nom.

Sap is handling all of the Fighting trainers on this first island here. Seems prudent, given the choices involved. Plus my expectations of Sap. Sap has, by far, the largest role in my eventual plans. My child. You must take your amazing moves. Use them. And sweep all the things.

My Mt. Ember option is a Fearow, and I just can’t. I have two things that aren’t a Master Ball, I think. Sorry, Fearow. We were not meant to be.

Except Trunk can’t run from you. So I might be considering catching you.

Aha, flee accepted.

These are still dopey names.

-sigh- I tried to skip into Three Island, but it looks like you have to talk to NPCs to hit off the Biker Gang part of the Bill Gaiden. This run, having been a shrine to defeatism, didn’t bother with talking with most everyone. The cost is island hopping. Much sad. Very annoy.

“I am a video game character and my child is missing. Her name

is Lostelle.”

Video games are good.

Okay, Biker Gang subplot. Give me my exp.

GIVE ME MY EXP IN A LESS TRAUMATIZING FASHION POR FAVOR.

Later on the island, we are in the berry forest and encounter a Psyduck. With luck, it will be our box friend in the very near future.

Caught! Its name is Oak.

Don’t worry, little girl. I am the protagonist. I will save you.

By running away from the wild Hypno. Because that’s what heroes do.

Kid returned, and I think that means. I think I get to go fight Giovanni’s Gym.

Delightful.

Oak is level 50, Trunk and Sap are both 49. Bark, should she be required, is level 47.

Not a bad place to be in. Not close enough to feeling safe, but I think this has the potential to go better than Heero’s term.

Final badge. Let’s go. For added fun, I won’t even follow my map of the trainers inside the Gym. I’ll just go by guessing based on the trainer type.

Oak is level 52, Sap and Trunk are level 50. Good show, guys.

Aaaaaaand final badge! Magnificent.

Rival, Victory Road, then Elite Four, right?

That sounds doable?

Please?

I’m going to miss not having an Electric type available for the Pidgeot. And for the Gyarados. Acorn, Zaft. Your presence would be so valuable here.

I think I’m going to put Oak in front for that. Rival has enough to respond to Oak that any Sand Attacks can be swapped out. Wanting Oak for two fights in a row probably won’t happen. Hopefully.

My amusement is slowly being replaced by existential dread.

Oh, neat. The Pidgeot goes for Wing Attack instead of the awful sand. Thank you, Rival-san’s Pidgeot. I hate you and everything, but you’re a class act.

Trunk goes in for the Venusaur. It of level 53.

We get through.

I’ll actually send Sap out to (hopefully) handle the Gyarados.

Oak back in for the Alakazam. Stays in for the Growlithe.

Bloodless victory.

Hell, though. That is not a confidence boost. The levels keep reminding me how tight this really is, and I’m very short on Type variety. I know my main strategy, which I didn’t use here, is going to be massively setting up before anything else, but aaaaaaaaa.

I don’t want to go through all of this again. I’m not good enough at the game to reliably improve.

On the side of things I can do, I’m going to teach Trunk Earthquake.

And it looks very much like it makes sense for Oak to learn Ice Beam. He still has Tackle, for crying out loud. There’s room for improvement. The only problem is that hey, I still want Shadow Ball for Trunk, and guess what other TM is also a Game Corner thing?

In the spirit of bad things not happening maybe, I’m going to grab those TMs before Victory Road. No point limiting myself. I am also going to look up if I can get the Amulet coin and make some extra money, because the money situation ended up making me sad by the end of Heero and friends.

...

To. the slots.

I need 8500 coins.

Sigh.

SIGH.

170,000, is it?

Actual depiction of life’s traumas.

If I want to mess with their moves some more, I’ll do it after Victory Road. For now, this works.

Welp, no Amulet Coin for me.

There isn’t going to be much typing from here on out. Just picture a lot of screaming and crying. Because that’s pretty much what’s going on behind the scenes.

...Also I’m going to use Max Repels and the Master Ball on anything I come across. For maximum chance.

The Repel strat didn’t work out.

So I throw my Master Ball at a Machop.

Its name is Oak.

And every single time I leave the cave to heal, the switches require me to repeat their process. They fill me with hate. The smaller my team gets, the more often I have to head back to a Pokemon Center for PP aid.

BUT WE MAKE IT.

...

.

Fuck.

What do ya think?

I’m about to spend all my cash, so this is my last chance for move decisions.

I usually like something to know Toxic. Oak’s the best candidate for that in terms of an incomplete moveset, but I have a Dragon Claw TM that has similar value and can’t be wasted on Trunk or Sap.

I think this works, honestly. Oak for all things turtle, Sap for all things stall, and Trunk for miscellaneous everything. I can adjust after each one I beat. I have some interesting TMs I can play with, but for now, I think this is good.

What I need to think through is what X items I want. Then the rest goes into Full Restores. ...Oh. The X items are cheap, so I just buy a bunch without thinking it through.

Yep.

Elite Four.

Grindlocke, Take 2.

Okay, looking back over my records, I think I’m going to teach Trunk Brick Break over Yawn, use an X Attack, and go for the sweep.

Last chance to back out.

I hate this.

Two X Attacks, because I’m greedy. Dewgong down. It’s now Hailing. Have fun countering, Leftovers.

The Cloyster gets to the red with one Brick Break. Lorelei uses a Full Restore. Many stall tactics later, the Cloyster is downed with not much more of a mark on Trunk.

Slowbro next, but Shadow Ball should make that work. The hail stops, too, which is nice.

Yeesh, these things have high Defense. Slowbro’s in the red, uses Surf. Trunk is still green, but nearing half steadily. One more Shadow Ball, and the Slowbro’s gone. No Full Restore for it.

Lapras.

Brick Break puts it in the red, but it has a Sitrus Berry. I probably knew that from last time, but we’re really all about living in the moment, this run.

Lapras leaves Trunk in the high orange, but it’s out. Just the Jynx left. Going to spend a turn on a Potion just to keep things stable, then a Shadow Ball should mark the end of this.

And now Trunk is in love with it. In between being put to sleep.

...Okay, fuck you, game. What is Lovely Kiss’ accuracy?

..

75????

AND THEN TRUNK WAS FROZEN.

I knew these fights would be a bit of a stall game.

It wasn’t supposed to be in this direction.

LOVELY KISS CAN’T KEEP FUCKING HITTING YOU FUCKING AAAAAGH.

This Jynx is going to run out of Ice Punch PP before I get a hit in.

Oh thank fuck.

Would you look at that. It’s dead.

Oak’s going to be first for Bruno’s Onix, so Oak gets a Sitrus Berry for luck. Trunk’s healed back to full HP, and. Round two, get ready.

I gotta say, after everything I just went to, the sight of that Onix is a damn relief.

Only with that dealt with, the Hitmonchan’s prepped to come out.

Sap’s up. Because this is going to take a bunch of switching, I think I’ll try to stick with straight Sludge Bombing for as long as I can. Sap’s got a better Attack stat than Trunk at the moment (I think), so it shouldn’t be too rough.

Yeah, one Sludge Bomb puts Hitmonchan practically in the red, and Sky Uppercut doesn’t move Sap anywhere near orange.

?

Hello.

Bruno took out Hitmonchan to put in Onix.

Yeah. Switching. Oak, you’re up again.

Bye, Onix. And I’m going to leave Oak in to mop up the Hitmonchan to conserve PP. Bruno Full Restores it, but Surf puts it in the orange, so... eh, good enough. Oak takes an extra hit, but Oak’s time in this room is up anyway.

Hitmonlee.

Uh oh.

Also, bullshit, I had just used Minimize and Mega Kick’s accuracy sucks starting out, but. primarily. uh oh.

Ummmmmm.

Bad news, Oak.

I am so sorry.

Yeah, so Oak died, and now Oak is out at full health.

X Defend time.

OH SO NOW MEGA KICK CAN MISS, HUH.

Throw an X Special on the pile.

Oak uses up his Sitrus Berry, Bruno uses another Full Restore.

Hitmonlee goes down after far too long, and the Machamp comes out to play.

Surf gets it to deep orange. I’m going to use a Full Restore to be careful.

That there is a partially happy sight.

This, on the other hand...

Sap, I can give you a proper sendoff later, when my brain is doing something besides screaming. Suffice to say, you did nothing wrong, and this game hates me. Thanks for the fun, sorry you didn’t get to live longer or for your entire purpose.

I’m also looting your corpse for your Leftovers for Oak.

So Agatha’s next, right?

I finally get to see what a Snorlax with Shadow Ball can do about that.

I’m very much hoping the answer is, “something.”

Let’s dance, grandma.

First out is a level 54 Gengar. It knows Double Team, because this game really doesn’t actually want me to be happy. But Shadow Ball hits and gets it into the red. Agatha uses a Full Restore, and the next Shadow Ball actually hits too.

And now Trunk is confused.

Trunk.

Buddy.

Stop hitting yourself.

Fantastic, he does.

...Agatha has a Golbat? Ew. It’s level 54 too. It faints semi-easily, and then there was a level 56 Arbok. I’m just gonna spend a second on an X Attack, don’t mind me... Then a Full Restore so Trunk doesn’t fucking die...

Problems. We have them.

The level 58 Gengar coming out does not solve enough of them. Or any. It’s pretty much universally bad, actually.

That sound you hear is the snap of my fragile, innocent, sanity. I use a couple of X Defends instead of waking Trunk up. Then health becomes a slight issue, so you know what, Full Restore time!

Okay, great! Second Gengar dead! All that’s left is a level 53 Haunter. For. Reasons of who knows.

Okay.

I have never used the Poke Flute this much in my life.

And then it uses Hypnosis again, and it hits, again, and we do the whole dance over again, as you do.

IN A STUNNING TURN OF EVENTS, HAUNTER CURSING ME PUTS AN END TO ITS FUCKING CURSE, AND EVERYTHING IS IMMEDIATELY BETTER.

NO ONE ASKED YOU, YOU DAMN OLD LADY. YOU AREN’T A GENKAI. YOU’RE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A GENKAI. FUCK YOU.

Hell, let me think.

Lance.

Dragons.

He has... two Dragonites, one Dragonair, a Charizard, and an Aerodactyl? Maybe?

I’m not banned from looking things up, but it hasn’t felt sporting to check up ahead of time. And no matter what, I think the best strategy I have here is to throw Oak in, toss on a ton of X Defends, and pray. So it doesn’t really matter what he has.

But Oak’s learning Toxic.

As a kid, I always thought Lance was just the coolest. Lance is a bitching name, and he has a dragon theme, and then he has a fucking cape. Top ten video game heroes.

As an adult, I hate Lance so much. Even the dope cape can’t spare him.

Oh hey, it’s a level 56 Gyarados. With my favorite move. Dragon Rage. That’s actually great, and it should feel free to keep using it. Dragon Rage doesn’t get critical hits. Yeah, actually, this is perfect. I’m just going to stack Oak with everything and not switch.

All of Dragon Rage’s PP later, Toxic can’t hit anything apparently, and it’s a contest of Biting. Cute.

THEN IT USES HYPER BEAM AND THE HYPER BEAM, NATURALLY, GETS A CRITICAL HIT, AND OAK HAS 15 HP AS HE LANDS THE FINAL BITE TO KILL THE FUCKER.

...Well. The poison kills it. But the feeling is there.

Look, there’s the Dragonair.

Look, it’s using Outrage.

Look, Outrage got a critical hit.

Look, it’s me crying from sheer stress.

Look, it’s the miracle of me getting a critical hit for once. It dies.

...Then out comes a second Dragonair.

Level 54s, btw. I forgot. Too many other horrible things were going on.

Oak takes that one out too, then it’s the Dragonite.

I think you just need to not die, Oak.

That works.

Aerodactyl last. Level 58.

Surf gets it.

Hate you so much, Lance.

I think the main problem here is that if I open with Oak, the Venusaur pops out, and any preparation I do during the Pidgeot round will vanish. That makes Trunk that more appealing option for an opener.

Pidgeot, Gyarados, Arcanine, Alakazam, Rhydon (?), Venusaur.

If it wouldn’t mean the Venusaur coming out, I’d just let Oak handle everything. Maybe I ought to do that anyway, and just accept that I’ll be bleeding more X Defends than I want in this fight.

Actually, wait.

Okay, no... I don’t think that’s a good move. I was thinking I could teach Oak Calm Mind for some extra boosting, and it’s not a bad thought, but.

...Actually, yeah?

Gyarados and Arcanine both have Intimidate, but Oak has Special Attack as its primaries. If I use up some X Defends on the Pidgeot to leave room for Calm Mind... the only problem would be if the Pidgeot has Whirlwind. But if it did, that would be a separate issue anyway. I can’t smash through without setup.

Max Calm Minding should make it possible for Oak to survive long enough to nail the Venusaur with Ice Beam. Barring critical hit problems. That limits the pain of removing Bite, too. If Oak’s Special is all maxed, the particular move matters less.

Done, do it.

Oh.

NEVER MIND. Blastoise doesn’t learn it. Damn.

I think I’m thinking too hard. I’ll let Oak take the Pidgeot, then Trunk can set up against the Venusaur, then I’ll just let the nightmare of switching back and for be what it will. I guess. ...

How fast is Venusaur?

Faster than Blastoise, and my Blastoise has a nature impairing Speed.

Well, I can already feel how badly this is about to go.

Sorry in advance, Oak.

Hey.

So the Pidgeot is level 59.

And it still knows Sand-Attack.

AND WHIRLWIND, OKAY.

Sorry, little gal. This one wasn’t wholly my fault.

Trunk’s going out. If I can’t have Oak kill all the things, we’ll just. Yeah.

Featherdance. Featherdance, Whirlwind, Sand-Attack, and Aerial Ace. Fuck this thing, tbqh.

Alakazam’s next.

Featherdance really can’t stand, and the Sand-Attack severely impacts Trunk’s effectiveness as well.

Ooooooh I’m not going to like myself for what I do next.

Dig like your life depends on it, girl, because it does because I am awful.

Level 57 Alakazam v level 47 Dugtrio.

But my kid’s faster. All those EVs were good for something. Bark dodges a Psychic, and since Alakazam chose Future Sight, hopefully her next Dig will spare her that as well. Too stressed. Can’t count.

Okay, how bad...

She lived.

Bark, I do not deserve you.

You did so good, Bark. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oak out to hopefully bait the Venusaur into showing up.

Alakazam’s Psychic packs a punch, but still a green one, and Oak’s Bite settles the matter.

Yes, the Venusaur is coming out.

The. Level 63 Venusaur. Hell.

And Earthquake isn’t super effective like I thought/hoped.

Two Growths, and Sunny Day. Oh fuck this can’t end well.

But Body Slam paralyzed it? So maybe?

Trunk outspeeds it.

It’s dead.

Oak swaps in on Rhydon because Trunk is going to be done the second he’s up against the Intimidate friends, so I need some time to set Oak up for the sweep.

It’s level 59.

This should be okay.

Sunlight faded. Want to use a Full Restore to heal up Oak in case of critical hits.

A couple of X Specials.

Should be good to go.

Rhydon down. Gyarados coming out. It’s level 59. It uses Hydro Pump, thankfully it doesn’t do much. Oak uses Toxic, and it actually hits.

Gyarados fainted.

Arcanine is up. Level 61. Need to Full Restore for caution. It uses Flamethrower. Doesn’t move Oak out of the green. Uses Flamethrower again, since it’s faster.

Oak uses Surf.

Oh.

Oh.

This. This was what this was all for, in the end.

I win.

Holy heck I win.

Pidgey-Oak, Krabby-Oak... you guys did great. Thanks. ...Many, many apologies.

Sap, we never got to see you shine the way I meant you to, but you were a valued member of the team, and made a lot of things so much simpler. If nothing else, you were an inspiration to try things a little more cerebrally, and that was the only approach that was going to make a dent.

Bark...

Bark. You were the linchpin. I brought you back into a fight you had to rely on luck for, and you brought in so much of that and just... I wish it made sense to use you more.

Oak.

Trunk.

You did it.

You really did it.

I’M DONE.

MANY FAILURES, MANY SADNESSES LATER. IT’S DONE. IT IS FINISHED. IT IS WON.

HEERO. PO. SPRINKLE. ZAFT. ALLENBY.

OAK AND TRUNK STAND ON THE BONES OF YOUR PROGRESS. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HARD WORK.

I AM NEVER DOING THIS TO MYSELF AGAIN.

Though I might come back to another Nuzlocke, in a while. Not now. Definitely not now. But except for this being horrific, it was a lot of taxing fun. So I’m sure I’ll come up with something else to do. Maybe not in this format. I’ve been trying to learn how to make Twitch do stuff, and playing and talking takes less time than playing and typing.

Who knows.

For now, though, it’s over. Thank you to anyone who’s read these.