#but wow i didn't realise just how important and meaningful it was until this year

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Writing really has shown me the importance and value in comments and sharing my thoughts and opinions on fanfics I read.

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[askfallenroyalty]

I don't think you did anything wrong. When a story is being written, there are a lot of different ways to adress and express something and maybe that's why you're being misunderstood. I think there are just too many things to adress in this story that maybe some people will get when these things are implicitly implied and some people will not. So when a breaking point comes, they'd think it came out of nowhere. You can see this with the amount of asks you receive asking you often the same thing.

Does that mean it's wrong? Ofc not! I myself was a little bit confused with Frisk's reactions and conduct in general until you explained it in your recent asks, and I thought man, that was what I was missing!

Now, yes I believe some parts of the story could have been explained in a different way, because in my opinion there's a lot to read between the lines. If you don't try to understand the characters, you'll clearly be confused as hell. But that's why I love this story! As you said before, there's nothing meant to be black/white coded, and I really appreciate the world and the character's complexity in general. You don't have some of the answers in hand, an that's when you have to analize! (At least that's what I do haha)

I also really felt like telling you something I've been relating to, so I'm putting the respectives tw if someone doesn't want to keep reading (TW: Suicide mention).

In the DW Arc, when the Christmas and Feylow stuff happened, I realised through Chara that I was doing the exact same thing with a friend of mine. He was going through a lot of stuff, and tried to commit suicide multiple times. I was focusing a huge amount of energy on him because I was afraid to lose him, and when he suddenly stopped talking to me so he could take a break, I felt really lost. Because he was the person I talked with the most, one of my dearest friends, and the idea of losing him and not being there to stop it made me insanely anxious, because that used to be the situation most of the times. Now it's been a year since he's stopped talking to me, and I don't exactly know the reason. But I couldn't keep running behind someone who didn't seem to keep wanting me around. And if it wasn't for you, I couldn't have realized how much this was hurting me.

And now, as much as it hurts me to see him acting this distant and cold with me, I'm okay with it. I really am. Because I now have the tranquility to see him continue, even when things are not okay. I can't force a friendship and I really needed to understand that back then. I trust him as much as he trusts me.

I really wanted to thank you for writing this story because it has helped me in a way I didn't expect, and I'm sure it will help a lot of people too! I'm even learning from your way of taking and discussing things haha.

I just wanted you to have this tranquility I have with this story because I trust it'll work out and explain itself once it's finished. And I just can't express how thankful I am to be reading your story.

Thank you again,

I'm looking forward to more of your work and please, take care! Don't stop doing what you enjoy! 🦋

putting it under a readmore because of how long the ask/response is, sorry!

i’m at a loss of words because wow, this ask really hit in a way i’ve never really could of anticipated. when writing AFR, i write a story about things I felt. I’ve been Chara, I’ve been Asriel and Frisk at points in my life. I write because I need to tell their stories and make it real, specifically for my own sake of getting through my own pain and to tell the world this is who i am and that I will be ok, there is hope in this world. It’s a selfish desire for me, but ultimately that’s what art is i feel. I couldn’t draw this much and put so much time and effort into something without it being meaningful or personal.

but art is communication, and when I write to be seen and to be heard, I know there’s others who are reading and are connecting with the work. (otherwise, I wouldn’t be getting asks right? its a lonely process, i forget there’s the second half of the equation -you guys) and i’ll do my best to make sure people are accommodated and can experience this story without hurting in a way that’s past enjoying a emotionally gripping piece of media. i don’t want people to be upset or hurt for my work, and I want to ensure I can make this without hurting others.

I try to leave a lot of ambiguity and room for people to interpret stories and I don’t mind people missing the point or interpreting things vastly differently than what I intended. that’s fine, that’s what art is all about. i don’t want to hold people’s hands and tell them what’s happening or what they should feel -i want them to choose and decipher and think things over. stories should be stimulating and thought provoking, and i can’t decide what those thoughts are. I wouldn’t want to. Personally, if it means people become more confused and lost over the story -well, that’s a trade off I have to take. if it means the story is more up-to-interpretation, than it’s worth it to me.

i do regret with how fast and punchy the arc ended up, and I feel my hints may have been too weak. asriel/flowey has been bluntly surprised/asking to be killed twice, he hasn’t felt like himself since dying and has lost his support systems ect. as a person who’s Been Through Shit, I thought it was as obvious as the sun what was to come but thinking on it now?

with how distance asriel is, how limited the perspective is to chara (who hasn’t known Asriel has been going thru the same depressive/suicidal thoughts as they have this whole time) it was a shock to the system. and in a way that’s fine in my eyes if the reader was completely shocked as you can emphasize more with chara that way... but in the same sense its horrifying for them, it must be for the reader as well.

and I do feel I should of thought of a way to handle the scenario to where it was less in your-face with Asriel’s decent into desperation and attempts. I don’t want to ever show it on screen, I don’t want to ever go into detail and make it any sort of fun for the viewer. it’s supposed to be disturbing and painful and I tried to show how greatly painful it was affecting both chara and frisk. Suicide victims are victims and everyone involved suffer from it. It’s ugly and never something one should be anything but ugly.

that is my intent for it be that, but as I’ve heard from people it’s still a shock and went too far. Authorial intent doesn’t matter when people react to your stories. yes, the context can be good to have, but people’s feelings and reactions mean the world more. I hope with the added context of the complete story that helps it in the long run, but as it is I’m very unhappy with how I tackled it and I don’t really have a good answer to how I should of gone about it. but at the end of the day that doesn’t matter as it happened and I can’t change it.

i’m sorry about your friend and i’m sorry for the pain you’ve experienced as well. it’s not easy being in that position (nor is it for ur friend as well of course) and it’s perfectly fine to feel hurt and to take time for yourself to address those feelings. You, as a person, matter and your feelings are justifiably important as well. nobody asks to be mentally ill and your friend’s choices aren’t fully theirs because of that, but it doesn’t change how it’s affected and hurt you. Losing someone’s friendship has always been a painful and inevitable experience people must go thru in life. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that, but I’m glad -so happy that my story has helped you in any amount. I sincerely wish you both the best and to heal, I’m proud of you anon for getting through this.

I can’t really express how much it means as a writer to see how my work helped you. Like I mentioned before, I write and feel like it’s by myself that makes this work but it’s a 2 way street -you guys contribute to the story and the story only exists and is perceived by you. without an audience, it really truly is just me here. what you gain and experience within a story is just as important as the writing of the work itself and I often forget that.

Thank you. This was a really nice and eye opening ask and it’s going to be on my mind for a while, haha. I hope once the story is done and I can post-correct how I handle the story, people can learn and gain meaning to it like you have. Sorry if this was a bit rambly, I’m very thankful for your response (as well as everyone else who’s messaged!) and I’m very happy and excited to continue and to do my best. Thank you all so much.

[berlanee]

Hello peeopleeee! How's corona life going? It's still fucked up so we shouldn't even talk about it but anyways..I'm here with a new imagine for aron and I really like the idea of it (I stole it from a tv show but wtvr) hope you guys like it as well. For my last imagine I got like over 20 likes that might be not enough but it's still something very important for me :) hope I get the same reaction for this one as well ✌ stay in peace.

Today was definetely a remarkable day considering it was Arón's 23rd birthday bash, and knowing him and his love for partying you knew it was going to be a hell of a night.

Obviously you were right because everybody had gathered around 8pm and it was 2am right now, throughout all the 6 hours all you guys ever did was drink and dance like the world was coming to an end.

As the club was starting to become less crowded the voices around you was beginning to echo and it was already getting in your head, thankfully the rest of the group decided they were tired enough to get the fuck out of this place and leave.

"Chico!" Miguel yelled. Pulling Arón into an hug.

"Now that your 23 we should check out the plane thing, don't you think?" He said with a cheeky smile. Sometimes they can be really disgusting you thought.

"I thought I had to be 24?" Arón asked sarcastically.

"You need another year to grow some things into size?"

"Fuck off"

With that everybody just broke into a laughter, being drunk and surrounded by these lot was definetely something wild. They really knew how to have fun and make others have fun.

💫

You and Arón were walking down the street where your car was parked, he was a little bit more drunk than you were so you insisted that you will drop him off and make sure he doesn't get himself into something.

The rest of the group aparted and left to a different direction where their cars were located. So it was just you and Arón alone. You were meaning to give him something since the beginning of the night but you never really had the moment with him. As you were drowning down in your thoughts Arón pulled you back.

"Hey can we sit down for a minute? I think I'm spinning" he said.

"Yeah sure" you said immediately. Sitting down with him on the stone steps you guys were walking down to the car park.

"I feel like I am pregnant with beer right now" he said while laughing and leaning back on to the stairs.

"You should pee. It might make you feel less pregnant"

"Yeah? It'll give me more time before I hit the final month right?"

"Okay enough with the pregnancy jokes" you said while grinning.

"By the way, I couldn't really say this back in the club because it was very loud and crowded and I couldn't catch a moment with you but...happy birthday" you said continuing.

"Thank you" he said while smiling warmly looking directly into your eyes. This was intimidating. You could feel the heat in you face rising.

There was something special between you two that you were never really able to give a label to it because you weren't sure what to call it. But it was distinctive. You didn't have this type of feeling in your stomach when you were with the other boys.

"Actually..Danna told me that you got me something very special for my birthday but I havent received anything yet" he said breaking through the last topic.

"Fucking Danna"

"What? She was being nice and informing me about the specialty of it" he said while ducking his lips like he always does with them. 

"So can I have my present please?"

"Okay then.." You said and opened your handbag and grabbed the already wrapped object. It wasn't very big so you placed it in your bag but debated of you should give it to him. It wasn't a very common birthday present.

You handed him the present and attached your hand and stared fiddling with them while he was observing the wrapping and probably trying to figure out what it was.

"My present is probably the most outsider out of all the other ones you got tonight and probably the most simplest"

He was starting to peel of the wrapping and was almost done unpackaging.

"I thought about this for a while and was left with blank ideas because I didn't really know what to get a man who owns everything in the world so..." You said with a quite voice until he once again distrubted you.

"So you got me the world?" He said finishing your word.

He pulled out the world lampside and held it. It looked so simple yet fascinating, the light inside the lamp was automatic so it immeadialty lit up with the touch of his fingers. He looked mesmerized.

"Do you like it?" You asked hoping he did.

"Wow, uhmm I wasn't expecting this" he said while still observing the world in his hand.

"I actually thought it was quite weird considering how the others brought like super expensive stuff and here is me gifting you the world" your voice volume came down as you finished your sentence.

"I didn't want to give you something you already had or something that was just pleasing to the eye, I wanted to give you the world so you can put anything you want inside it..not others deciding what you should have or put into your world"

He looked up, and placed his eyes right on mine. There was spark in his eyes like it was glowing. Once again you realised that he had ravishing eyes.

"This is probably the most meaningful and worthy thing I've received in my life...you are very fascinating because you think this isn't enough but this is luminous and more than just a birthday gift"

"I'm really happy that you like it"

"How could I not? You literally just gave me the world into my hands"

With that you both became quite and just stated into each other. Maybe this is the right moment you should finally have a catch at? It's not always this intense and gleaming around the you two this was a first, you never get to be alone with each other with your minds also being empty and less heavy with thoughts ruining the atmosphere.

He leaned in and left his lips on yours. Finally it was happening, this might sound weird but you imagined about this since they day you met because there was something magnetic about him that pulled you to him.

It was a couple of seconds of feeling his warth on your lips, the weather was breezy so you felt that warmth radiating through your whole body, it was intriguing. As your lips deattached from one other you felt the wind sprinting through the gap between your chin.

"I think your right, I should be the one to put the important things in my world not others deciding it for me" he said without catching a breath.

"Will you come into my world then?"

"I'm not going to be guest in your world am I?"

He clicked his tounge indicating that it was a no.

"You might become it"

"Then you'll have to come into mine, I don't like being selfish. If i get a world then I give a world"

"Bienvenidos cariño"

"Bienvenidas amor"