#but with recent developments i've been wondering if maybe they'd do it after as some sort of celebration? of sorts

[teocrsh]

at some point i'll post my non lcb art on here. not today though

[micahmaeve]

you have been slowly converting me with all your icemav posting, and i recently rewatched top gun and i am s o l d. it has been consuming all of my thoughts! do you have any favorite fics??

omg, am I really?? welcome to the club!!

I’ve thrown myself head first into icemav recently so I can ABSOLUTELY rec some of my favorite fics I've read so far!!

When We Get Around to Talking About It by @compacflt is the pièce de résistance of icemav fiction I think, for me personally. It's masterfully written and nuanced and just so heartbreaking. the characterization feels so true to how these men would really be in real life and how they would deal with coming to terms with their feelings for each other and sexuality while being in the navy. and as if 90,424 words of beautiful prose wasn't enough of a gift, there is also a sequel/other stories called Debriefing (& Other Stories) which includes a more truncated version of the original but from mav's pov which is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻

Dreams of Impact by thecarlysutra is also very good. It involves a little supernatural flavor, which I enjoy, and revolves around how their lives could be different if they'd just made one single different choice.

come the same colors by susiecarter is a fav. It's a classic 'you got hurt and it's made me reckon with how I really feel about you, but I haven't figured out how to express that'. So basically it's amazing. this author also has a great catalogue of icemav, so it's really a jumping point to read all of her great work. A Shared Cup is another personal fav of mine from this author. it involves soul telepathic bonds. soooo good

a binary star by vannral is a really yummy piece of fanfic. the first line of the description is the perfect primer for how great the rest of the fic is: "Ice hasn’t ever given much thought to celestial things up in the sky but he knows that Maverick burns like one." like. c'monnnn

i'll ride in this life with you by sassenach082 is an ice and mav raise bradley after carol passes away fic, and it's full of sooo much lovely hurt/comfort that is so sweet it will rot your teeth. any fic with a plethora of baby bradley is going to be good for me

I saw beauty to the north by sortalively (tiisis) is a delayed injury fic set post TG:M. It has a lot of rooster and ice and mav reconciling in it which I'm a sucker for. and, if you like the exploration of rooster and mav's relationship (I'm a sucker for parental figure fics lets not unpack that) this author has some greaaaaaaaat fics on their page for that!

cloaked in the bruises of our failures by faerie_ground will rip your heart out. It takes the mission from TG:M and moves it to the 80s with our favorite class of '86 being trained to fly it, all while Mav and Ice are a few years post a messy 'break-up'. I should warn you that this one comes with a trigger warned from sexual assault from a person of authority to an employee, so if you aren't interested in that maybe skip this one. It is so beautiful though and treats the subject with the respect it deserves. slithered here from eden (just to sit outside your door) is another by this author that is very good and I am waiting patiently for an update

a higher fidelity by basedchamp is a classic slowburn with ice and mav developing their friendship before they realize their feelings for one another

no brighter diamond by qin_ling is a wonderful 'five times...' fic and it's so good. Everything by this author is fantastic so you should def check out their other stuff. as lions is about time travel. delish.

You're Gonna Be The One That Saves Me by an orphan_account is amazing. It's got mav struggling post hop 31 and Ice being there to offer emotional support and more if you know what I mean

'Til I Understand by Katastrophe (Karrington) is about Mav punching out of dark star and kind of fills in some blanks about what his loved ones went through while he was missing. Katastrophe is another author with a large catalogue to just go crazy in

PurpleArrowzandLeather has 153 tg fics on their page with a huge variety, some icemav, some flyboys of '86 (which I adore, I love fics showing their friendship). you can get lost in their page for a while haha. they also have their bookmarks public! so you can dig around in there, too

Sailor's Delight by saurora_borealis can be read as ice and mav or icemav and I think we both know which one I infer it as. Mal de Mer by them is like that, too

baby, baby, i'd get down on my knees for you by boasamishipper and simplecoffee is 'five times mav proposes and one time ice says yes' fic. It's sweet as candy

Is this arguably too long a response? yes. are all of these worth the read? also yes

I hope you enjoy!!

[trainer-sean]

Pokemon IRL Au: starters, theories, and Domestication.

So I was watching one of those, 'What If (-this state-) had starter pokemon' videos and i just kinda went off with my imagination, this prompt starts with my initial comment on the video, so sorry that it just flow as well as it does when seen as a comment on a video.

The mental image of the version of our world where pokemon exist, and each State apparently selectively breeding their own unique set of starters and probably have a f**k ton of 'regional variants' that are basically just a paldea Tauros situation all over the country just scrambles my brain a bit to much.

Like one states starter has a evolutionary ancestor thats treated like a infestation in some of the other states! A raccoon pokemon starter that now has three stages, when in some of the other states a raccoon pokemon that the starter descended from is a two stage, but its evolved form is strong as f**k, like pseudo legendary status strong!

imagine all the regular pokemon we know that had populations caught and domesticated into starter pokemon, that'd be so freaking cool! like, they'd have to breed with other pokemon of the same egg group to be made a certain type and desired move set. imagine the type of breeding methods it takes to develope the Torrent, Overgrow, and Blaze abilitys, we all know there's a bug type version called Swarm, but how do they develope in the breeding of starter pokemon. if you think about it from the stand point of, gain more power when your backs against the wall, it becomes a little morbid in a sense. Do you actively have them fight in a way that forces them to give it beyond their all when they are in trouble?

imagine if the Elemental monkeys were an attempt to breed some starter pokemon from the same evolutionary(darwinian) ancestor, but the original breeders(who were probably spread across the world in different isolated places, and swapped around certain members to other breeders to prevent incest breeding) stopped part way through, and just released the monkeys, and because they all lived together in labs the trio of species naturally are drawn too and live along side each other! makes me curious about the original, maybe it was a triple branch evo, that leads to a dual type in each one, which is why it was chosen, and where the stone evolution was from. Maybe it wasn't even the same types as the elemental monkeys, but were secondary typings, like a normal type that evolves into three dual types of Dark/fire, Psychic/water, or Ghost/Grass using the Dusk, Dawn, and shiny stones? I wonder what the final results would have been like, maybe they would have a hidden ability that allowed them apply Stab to moves based on the type of evo stone they were holding! The theme these three had was Chefs if I remember correctly.

I'm sure some species had the triple stage evos naturally, but I'm certain not all of them had them.

I'd love to see domesticated descendants of known pokemon that were breed into starter pokemon, like a Fire starter that descended from Lucario, of course none of the stages could be called Lucario after its domestication and breeding.

Maybe I should do something with this? Like I come up with a large group of wild fakemon based on animals found in my state and those around it, and choose three to be made into starters, I'll probably use that Raccoon example, I've been seeing alot of Raccoon recently, but only as roadkill, which is pretty morbid, but also a somewhat good inspiration, ghost typing, but for the wild ancestor thats still running around.

-maybe in this Au, someone has actually bred The Shinx line to be Dark type? Though I never understood everyone's obsession with being mad about that, Incineroar is literally a wrestler, I dont see people being mad its not a fire/fighting type, and I don't care about if its because of the drama of Fire/Fighting type starters. Same thing with Absol, it has Psychic powers to perceive incoming disasters, and its a pure dark type, I dont see people getting mad about that! Its dark type literally only aligns with its emo obsession of needing to be mysterious and socially awkward!

-also, this breeding thing could contribute to more powerful versions of pokemon. Mega evolutions literally just stacks the biological potential of the pokemon into what it'll naturally develope into in the future, and unlocks some dormant genes. I'm sure you could literally breed that kind of result into a species. Maybe its how 'mega evolution' could exist in this universe, just, literal battle bred breeds of pokemon. I'm sure the tributes of the Primal Paradox pokemons designs could work for 'Mega Bred' breeds. Maybe the idea developed from some old action show, and the show used the fictional 'mega evolution' as the gimmick in it, and people just, liked it and applied natural logic and science to it and bred these Uber strong pokemon.

-the gender ratio of starter pokemon was also likely bred on purpose, and likely most females are held so its harder for others to bred their own for a profit.

[tokruta]

I just found my first instance of a man not remarrying after his wife died young.

My great*4 aunt got married at 16 (about a month away from turning 17) to a recently 20-year-old man, she unfortunately died less than a year later giving birth to their one and only child at 17. That child died 3 months later, 5 days before my aunt's birthday.

He died 21 years later, and he was listed as her widower (as in her name was in his death registration), so he never remarried. My mostly surface-level search supports this; I haven't found any evidence of him having any other children, either.

I've found sooooo many men who remarried within the same year their wife died, this is the first instance that I've found one who didn't. Well, who didn't as a young man, I mean. He was 20, turning 21 in the next month. He died a week before his 42nd birthday and I just wonder about those 2 decades after her death.

He lost his wife and child within 3 months of each other, a widower and a father with no living child at 21. Did he never develop a romantic relationship again? Was he a mess and slept around? Was he some sort of social pariah? Did he love her so much he just couldn't move on? Was he just not interested in other women? Or women in general? I'll most likely never know, but it is interesting to me. It's so outside the norm I've found in the hundreds of people I've looked at, I can't help but think about this.

I need to remind myself to not make up stories about them, they died well over 100 years ago and most of them and the people around them would not have left behind anything I could read or look at. At most, I can maybe find their graves when I next visit my grandparents, if they haven't degraded too badly (a majority of my ancestors have been in the same area for hundreds of years, apparently, and the most "exotic" ones I've been able to find are the ones that moved from Zacatecas to that area of Jalisco lol I've yet to encounter another state, just Zacatecas).

My preferred theory is that she was it for him, that they fell in love young and married in the hopes of building a life together. That he named their child after her in the hopes that they'd carry on her legacy and memory. But again, who knows. For all I know, I'm waxing poetry in my mind about him when he's actually a piece of shit who never remarried for a very good reason. Who knows.

The whole thing just sucks; I hate that she died so young, giving birth to a child that would join her only a few short months later. I hate that I found another 17-year-old who died giving birth to a baby who wouldn't survive so soon after the last one I posted about. I hate that I know she won't be the last or the youngest. I hate that my great*3 grandfather, her younger brother, only got to know her for a year before she died. I hate that a baby named after their mother, likely in an earnest attempt by a grieving father to keep her memory and love alive, died of an illness that was listed as herpes only a few days before they turned 3 months old. That if it was herpes, they likely got it simply by being born, so that fatal act doomed both mother and child. I hate that my great*4 uncle experienced such awful tragedies so close together and at such a young age, regardless of how he was as a person, nobody deserves to lose their loved ones like that. I hate that my great*4 grandparents, her parents, continued to have children after she died doing the same, giving her siblings she'd never know and who'd never know her.

Idk something about this whole thing hit me hard. I think it's because I'm neck-deep in both my Todofam and Anidala feels lol

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary70

11/20-21/2023

monday - tuesday

made cookie dough, again.

and now it's in the fridge, tomorrow i am going to bake all of them and stuff, and then on wednesday i am taking them to my friend's house for this thanksgiving thing they're doing. a day early because they work. weird to me though, honestly, my family was the same, working on thanksgiving, so they'd do it on friday instead. but i guess no one is really going to ask for that time off, or something. i don't work for a living, right now, so what do i know. anyway i am looking forward to seeing my friends and not looking forward to seeing the guy in the band who wants to be the band, like, the face. i think i have developed a semi-irrational dislike of him but only slightly. i think i might believe he is dumber than he really is. he's like, fine mostly. not harmless, except what if he is, i don't actually know, i can't really tell.

i have to sleep soon, i think i keep writing these too late, or i get into the middle of something when i start them. i was fixing another song, tonight, basically. i think i'm getting closer, it's one of the tones that really doesn't fit i think, too pillowy, so i've been trying to alleviate that, i think tomorrow, before or after i make the cookies (maybe during tbh) i should just try making a new tone, something that has a zappy sound in it, and then getting that to be brighter, i might also wanna mess with the khs disperser and automation to get that to happen.

anyway, a short diary, tonight. the only other things of note i did today was more cleaning, and looking at dolls. i might post about the dolls tomorrow, the pictures i found and who made them. pretty stuff, i think. it's interesting how i really like bjd stuff, especially the art ones and the really nice porcelain ones, but somehow i haven't really interacted w/ blythe dolls. i've seen them here and there of course but never known what they were exactly until more recently, as my friends have been talking about them. i like them decently, i am a big fan of how they're so creepy-cute. but that's the dolls i like normally. i do like the photography and video stuff people do w. them. i wonder if i can find people doing that w/ super dollfies. those are less likeable sometimes because they skew too anime at times. i think it's kinda annoying when the dolls skew that far into anime because at that point they feel like, for men kind of. but some of those are just regular fashion dolls, or more regular. i love seeing stuff from like 2007-8 with them.

so anyways, i was supposed to be going to sleep, so:

byebye!!!!!!!!

[bread-gobgob]

Hi.

Mod Kanik here. I'd prefer to be called K. I do not go by this in real life, but if this post is ever found by its other owner, I do not want them to know my name.

WARNING. THIS POST DISCUSSES A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MINOR AND AN ADULT.

This blog was never all that active. The story Eni and I were writing was a wonderful escape from our horrid realities and was made better our writing together. I do not consider this blog a big part of my life, obviously. We never had any followers, we never put that much effort into it, but I do consider it a big deal. This blog is all I have left of Enigma. That is not a good thing. I think if I post this it'll give me the closure I need.

When bread-gobgob was created, I was - based on the dates of the posts - fifteen years old. For nearly three years, I had been chronically online and had developed a terrible bout of agoraphobia. This was the result of many things that I won't list, but most of all it was the result of a very long co-dependent relationship.

Usually, I really wouldn't find this relationship to be that big of a deal. Recently, I have been diagnosed with traits of BPD, I tend to be dependent on people. I tend to have unhealthy traits. I'm trying to get better at not doing that. However, the relationship I had with Enigma was an incredibly big deal. In fact, it was a huge deal. I was fifteen. Enigma was twenty.

I cannot keep my composure while talking about this, I apologise for that, but I'm not aiming to keep my composure here and act mature. I'm aiming to tell my story, because Enigma was an inherently fucked up person and I need to vent. I need to talk to someone about this. I need them to come back and see this at some point and understand what they did to me.

To tell the truth, their age never stood out to me.

I lost contact with Enigma right before my sixteenth birthday. I believe it was the eleventh, maybe twelfth of July? We had stopped talking long before that. I will give credit where credit is due, it is Enigma's sysmates that initiated the loss of contact. Engima was removed from their position as host and the system, from what I know, decided it would be best to ghost as they did not know any other way to tell me they didn't want me in their life anymore.

I thank them for that.

Since losing contact with them, I've made friends. I moved schools (I went to college) and made friends who weren't held hostage by their phone their whole teenhood, and I have spoken to these people about Enigma. I have spoken with my therapist about Enigma. I had long, long talks with my ex-girlfriend about Enigma.

All three parties had only one thing to say about it all. That being, that I was groomed.

My relationship with Engima was a struggle, but I want to be clear: our dynamic was only romantic for around nine months out of the three and a bit years we knew each other. I want to be even clearer: it was NEVER sexual. Not once. But it was unhealthy. PAINFULLY unhealthy.

I'm shaking as I write this so I apologise if this doesn't make sense. When I knew Enigma, they also had an extreme case of agoraphobia. I do not think they ever did what they did out of genuine ill-intent, I think this was just their very fucked up way of showing they cared. But that doesn't matter, because it was still manipulation.

I missed out on a lot of my teenage years - when I first got into a relationship with Engima (April 2019), I was twelve, turning thirteen and they were seventeen, turning eighteen. When I told them my age - a few days after my thirteenth birthday - we stayed together for another five months. They broke up with me on Jan 1st, 2020 because they were uncomfortable with my age. This was over Skype. They said that, in future, they'd be happy to get back together if the opportunity came about. They said that they would prefer to wait for us to both be adults before meeting. I agreed to this and we went on as best friends. But in spite of this breakup, we only grew closer.

When I say I missed out on a lot of my teenhood, I mean I never got to experience the big things. I never went to parties, I never smoked weed, I never got drunk, I never kissed anyone, I never went out with my school friends, I never went outside.

I'm sure a lot of people go without these oppurtunities. Most of my friends didn't smoke weed or drink simply because they never got the chance. I'm not salty that I never got to try substances or mess around with a stranger at a party. That's not what I'm saying. I did get the chance to try those things. I got invited to parties and I got asked to come sesh with people and I got asked to go to town and window-shop with my buddies. I declined everything I got asked to. I declined because when I told Enigma about my weekend plans, they would freak out.

Freak out at me and at themself. The idea of me going outside, to this person, was like a threat. I would say "[name] and I are going skating tomorrow!" and Engima would have the panic attack of their LIFE. That, or they would ignore me for multiple hours. Enigma didn't like the idea of me going outside. It got to the point that I cancelled plans out of fear that they would off themself if I stepped outside. The fear came from the idea that if I was busy, I wouldn't answer. If I didn't answer, they would panic. If they panicked, they would hurt themself.

And it was like this until my last year of high school. I live in Australia, we don't have middle school. We got straight from primary school to high school, and then we head to college when we hit seventeen. There were five months of my four years of high school where I didn't have this person on my back, telling me I couldn't do this or that because they NEEDED me.

Enigma and I's last messages to each other were late last year after my leaver's dinner. I sent them photos of my dress and new hair and all that, and said I was living my life now. They sent me a message back and we exchanged words about how these days, it was so much easier to go outside and do things because we weren't nervous that we were gonna miss a message about something bad.

I know that throughout my relationship with Enigma, I was very panicky and very dependent. In their last message, they made it sound like I had done the exact same thing to them? I argue that they were eighteen-twenty-one and I was thirteen-sixteen. Fuck that. You were an adult and I was a child. You claimed to be so much more mature than me and claimed to know what was best for us, so I raise you the fact that you were an adult. A UNIVERSITY STUDENT. And though you broke up with me, you stayed in contact, even though I was FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU AND TO THIS DAY STILL AM A MINOR and made me think that if I left you, an adult, alone for more than an hour, YOU WERE GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.

FUCK YOU HORRIFIC SENSE OF MORALS AND YOUR FUCKING "oh but we were so close and I was so attached and-" FUCK THAT. You were an ADULT. You should have blocked me BACK IN 2019. I DIDN'T NEED CLOSURE. I NEEDED TO BE TALKING TO ANYONE, ANYONE MY AGE. You shouldn't have needed me. I was not capable of fixing you.

You don't realise it, but the effects you had on me were insane. I take melatonin now because YOU used to get mad at me for falling asleep. I hallucinate your voice when I have panic attacks, I dream of you and I sitting alone in a void when it's been a long day. I panic when I don't have my phone on me. Recently I lost it, left it with a friend who then got on a bus with it, and the panic attack I had was HORRENDOUS. I thought I was going to get a message from you, August this year, and miss it and completely fuck everything up.

I have cried over you tirelessly, I have written stories upon notes upon letters to and about you. You have thoroughly ingrained yourself into my head and you just. won't. get. out.

I am working towards getting over it. Leaving my phone at home while going on walks, not bringing chargers to school, putting my phone on do not disturb, completely deleting discord and skype from my computer AND phone. But I don't think I'll ever really escape it. Not before I get out of school anyway.

I will not speak on my relationships with the others, as I respect them far too much for taking action when realizing that what was happening was unhealthy. There is one other alter, however, that I am willing to talk about. Not because of anything bad. Simply because I need to come clean.

K. You know who you are. I don't care if you read this or not, it feels wrong to say it all, but I can't keep myself from saying it. You'll probably never see this, but I think telling you will help in some way toward my healing. Here goes.

So far as I know, I'm aromantic. Romance repulsed. But occasionally, you cross my mind, and I remember how desperately in love with you I was when we knew one another. Enigma always said, "you fixed him!" I think that was very poor wording. I didn't fix you, K. You fixed yourself. All it took was some form of kindness, and you learned to open up. Slowly. I'm so proud of you for that. I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love(d?) you, K.

I sound ridiculous at this point, but you'll never read this, so fuck it. Talking with a very nerdy friend of mine recently, I realised why you got so odd when I promised to braid your hair one day. I don't take it back. If it weren't for how things went, if it were a different time, different circumstance, I would marry you. In a heartbeat, I would let you braid my hair and I would braid yours. I hate to admit it, because I hold so so much resentment in my hands and jaw, but I absolutely would. You were so so special to me and I don't think I could ever be mad at you for what happened. You are the brightest bit of the spots of light in the darkness of my teen years.

I send my respect to JF, who always made me laugh. To PB who always held wonderful conversation. To B, TMM, and THM who made me feel powerful and respected.

Thank you to those in the system who provided me comfort during a very scary time. We should not have known each other in the first place and, to be honest, I don't remember most of you. But you were there and you were not my abuser and I recall snippets of joy from some of you. Thank you. I'm sorry it turned out like this.

K.

[starlightsearches]

Mail's Here

Thought about this earlier and then I had to write it or I'd die. Let me know what you think 💖

Edward Nashton x Roommate! Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, masturbation (m), language, sexual references, this is rushed because i have an assignment due at midnight but i couldn't work on it until this was done.

"You got a package."

Edward hears you as soon as he walks in the door, ditching his messenger bag and rain-spattered coat. It's not new information—he got the delivery confirmation while he was still at work, which made focusing pretty close to impossible—but his heart still jumps in his chest as you gesture to the box on the table.

"Oh, thanks."

He grabs the box immediately, glad to see the company was honest when they'd promised discreet packaging. It's a little lighter than he expected, and he weighs it in his hands, drumming his fingers against the top of it and trying to decide if it would be less suspicious to go immediately to his room or linger here a few moments longer.

"Whatcha get?" you ask casually, flipping through the pages of a magazine as you recline on the couch. Maybe guilt has put him on high alert, but the question feels almost too casual; Eddie has to wonder . . . do you know?

He's being ridiculous, but still.

"Computer parts," he answers, watching you closely for any signs of suspicion. There's nothing in your expression, though. You're not even looking at him, showing only the barest amount of interest.

"Cool."

It's not cool, and he knows that. The only thing less cool than computer parts would be the box's actual contents.

"Yeah," Edward says, wishing he was still wearing his jacket so he could have somewhere to put his free hand, "well, I'm gonna go, uh, put it together."

"Sounds good, Eddie," you tell him, "when you're done we can think about dinner, if you want. I've been craving that Thai takeout we got a few weeks ago."

"Yeah, okay."

Eddie reaches his room and twists the lock on the door, triple-checking to make sure that it's actually locked, and then giving it a few extra tugs for good measure. You never came into his room without knocking anyways, but today's not a day to take risks.

Scissors in hand, he sits on the edge of his mattress, trying to shake the nerves before he slices a clean line through the tape.

Eddie never thought it would come to this, but the situation is dire. Being your roommate has ruined him in some of the best ways, and more of the worst.

He'd always been satisfied enough with a little lotion and a collection of tissues, tugging at his cock whenever the urge struck him. He'd been satisfied picturing whatever porn star he'd latched onto recently, thinking about the way they'd look with their knees buried in his carpet, or how their breasts would bounce in his hands while they impaled themselves on his cock.

He'd been satisfied, until you fucking ruined everything.

With your fucking low-cut sports bras and your morning yoga routines in the living room, your laundry basket full of lacy panties peeking out from under a pair of jeans. With your kind smiles and thoughtful questions and the hot press of your body when you curled up against him on the couch.

Fuck, he couldn't jerk off enough anymore—developing fucking callouses on his palm every time he snuck off to the bathroom during movie nights and morning coffee, practically sobbing into his palm if the bathroom smelled like your shampoo.

This was his last hope. The only way to stop himself from going fucking crazy.

The inside of the package is a little underwhelming—just the two items he bought and some bubble wrap to keep them from rattling too much in the box. He grabs the bottle of lube first, since that's the least foreign of the two, popping the top and rubbing a few drops between his thumb and forefinger.

Eddie slicks up his first two fingers, his breathing growing harder, cock stirring in his jeans.

He'd heard you once, late at night when you thought he'd be asleep. Walking back from the kitchen after grabbing a glass of water and passing by your door, Eddie had been stopped in his tracks by a sound on the other side, knees weak. Even as his stomach churned with guilt, he'd pressed his ear up against it, and had his suspicions confirmed—only there long enough to hear the wet friction of your fingers in your cunt, and another stifled moan.

Imagining it's your slick coating his fingers has him painfully hard, all his embarrassment swallowed by need. He slides the fleshlight from its box, dropping it beside him on the bed before kicking his pants down his legs and forcing the band of his boxers under his ass.

His cock flops against his stomach, dribbling a little on the bottom of his button-up, and he's already so sensitive, gritting his teeth just at the rough feeling of the fabric.

Eddie grabs the toy again, bringing it close to his face, skin hot as he studies the silicone model of a pussy. He's learned the basics from porn—knows that the clitoris is at the top and the folds around the opening are the lips—but there's a difference between seeing it and feeling it, even in plastic form.

He presses his thumb against the little nub at the top, rubbing slow circles around it, like he'd seen done before. What kind of noises would he hear if it was yours?

Eddie's thighs constrict, and he forces himself to take a few deep breaths until the feeling subsides. He's going to cum before he even gets inside the little plastic cunt, if he's not careful.

Eddie grabs the lube from his bedside table, smearing some over the entrance of his new toy—coating it until it shines—and then adding a few drops to his hand and stroking it over his cock for good measure.

He feels silly, lining up the swollen head of his dick with the little plastic entrance, feels silly enough that he can't look as he presses the toy down until it swallows the tip.

"Fuck."

He whispers the word through clenched teeth, and there's not much else to say, except that it feels so much better than his hand. Squeezing him from every angle, and there's blood in his mouth from the way his teeth dig against his chapped lips, hips bucking off the sheets.

With a little more lube, Eddie's able to fit the toy over the entirety of his length, lightheaded when he sees the opening stretched around the base of his cock, a little lube dripping from its surface, displaced by this first thrust.

"So, god, so tight," he speaks his thoughts out loud even though there's no one to hear it, no one to be praised for how good he feels. He can't stop himself, moving his hand with a few shallow strokes, eyes rolling back at the feeling. "Just- just like that."

Like this?

Eddie hears the words in your voice and he groans, slapping his free hand down over his mouth to quiet the noise.

Eddie, he imagines your fingers at his wrist, pulling his hand away as your hips bob up and down over his cock, don't do that, honey. I want to hear you.

"Mhhmh—" it's all he can manage, forcing his fist against the sheets, hot tears pooling against his lashes. Just the thought of you here with him has him fucking crying, body on the edge of collapse.

Good boy.

Eddie is your good boy, pumping vigorously now at his cock, letting the lewd, wet noises rush over him as sweat drips down his flushed temples. He's caught enough accidental glimpses of himself in the bathroom mirror to know his whole face is bright red, cheeks and forehead shining.

But he thinks you might like that, would want to see your good boy coming apart beneath you, your pretty fingers circling his neck as you rode him to oblivion.

"M'gonna cum," he mumbles, unable to stop his release once it's started. The website had a whole bunch of tips for increasing your stamina—stroking patterns and ways to stop an orgasm—but those are long gone, his whole body a tightly clenched fist.

Go ahead baby, since you've been so good for me.

He swears he feels your lips against his just as the shock of it hits him, spurts of cum leaking from the open cunt as he fucks himself through the electricity of it, your name in his lungs and his mouth and the curl of his toes until the feeling subsides.

Jesus. Even if he never used it again the toy would be well worth the money he'd spent.

He's still sensitive as he slides the toy from his spent cock, a few dribbles of cum landing against the sheets. Eddie grimaces. He'd have to put a towel down the next time.

"Hey, Eddie?"

Shit. There's no time to strip his sheets now, not when he hears your fingers rapping against his door frame.

"Just a second," he calls, throwing his covers over the leaking toy and running to his closet, "I'm changing."

He leaps into a pair of gray sweats, ripping the buttons of his shirt open with clumsy fingers before throwing the cum-stained garment into his hamper, pushing it deep into the basket.

He unlocks the door with shaking fingers, and you slide in as soon as there's a gap available.

"So," you glance at him before looking around the room, "did you get it put together?"

"What?"

A crease appears between your eyebrows. "Your computer?"

"Oh, yeah." He glances at his clearly untouched computer desk, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Were you watching something? I thought I heard voices."

You're being too generous with him; he knows that by something you really mean porn, which means you know he was getting off only a few moments ago.

"No, I was just—"

Talking to myself. That's what he was going to say, but those words are long gone when he watches you grip his comforter in one tight fist, throwing back the sheets.

He watches you take it all in: the fleshlight, the bottle of lube, his cum staining his sheets.

God, there can't be anything worse than this. Eddie would rather be killed on the spot than hear what you say next.

Which is why he's so surprised when he feels your hand against his cheek.

"Oh, honey," you coo at him, and he has to open his eyes to make sure you're really there this time, "there's no need to be embarrassed."

"What?"

God, you are there, looking up at him with glossy eyes and a patronizing little grin. He feels your fingers in his sweaty hair, teasing at his scalp.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but listen, and you were making such pretty sounds for me—they were for me, right?'

Eddie just nods. Of course you've known this whole time. He lets you guide his hand to your waist, a sliver of warm skin meeting his fingers, feeling far away from his own body.

Your lips are at his neck, tongue just pressing against his skin and Eddie can't breathe.

"Do you think you can make a few more?"

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[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)