#but with fresh and actually healthy food you have to plan and really bother making meals and also i'm a fussy eater for neurodivergent

[husbandohunter]

Moments of Despair #1 [Genshin Impact/Diluc x Reader]

Synopsis: “The man who was on fire and realized it too late.”

(A series of works where the boys deal with the passing of their beloved).

Albedo's despair

Warnings: angst, tragedy, major character death, graphic depictions of violence perhaps

(A/n): Had these ideas for a while after reading @/serensama To Mourn series of another fandom. So much sorrow and feeling I just was inspired to write 😫

_______________________________________________

The moment you fell lifeless in Diluc's arms, he wanted to disappear.

It was raining again, he had always despised the rain. How it trickles down the slope of your cheek, like tears falling from the heavens. The sight of it mixing with your blood creating a thin stream of red rivers flowing beside him. They patter down obnoxiously because time didn't care, the gods don't care, the world didn't care. You were just a small fragile person to their eyes but to him you were his light. A candle that used to shine in his dark world was now dissipitated by the waters of reality.

Many droplets have passed and he was still holding you. Diluc could do nothing but stare. He hadn't shed any tears nor could he make a coherent sound. Perhaps it was because his tears have long run out when his father was held in the very same way. Or it was because he was heartless. He's usually told for being cold and indifferent. But the pain clenching in his chest was proof that he still had one (proof that it was still beating), much to his dismay. It would be better if he didn't.

So why can't he just look away? Your wounds, your bruised features, everything now etched so deep into the back of his conciousness that is was starting to awaken his worst nightmares. They were the source of the bile growing in his stomach. The irony stench filling up his nostrils felt so sickening. He couldn't turn away. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. As if reality had yet to register, or maybe he refused to accept it, Diluc helplessly gazed down your body with blank and empty eyes.

"Master Diluc..."

Jean's voice called out to him pitifully. He rises up with his back turned, ignoring the stares given to him, "Leave. The knights of favonius are not needed here."

"But she's a Mondstadt citizen," The anemo user retorts, slightly taken aback by his impassive reaction, "It's my responsibility to ensure this case doesn't go unnoticed."

Unnoticed. Diluc scoffs in his mind, what a tasteless joke.

"It seems you weren't listening," he announces as his head was turned ajar so they could see the deep hatred glowing red in his eyes, "Leave. Now."

Jean's lips trembled before barely being able to say, "Alright" and retreating her knights back to the city. Kaeya narrows his gaze at his bother, the sorrow was evident through his pupils. He steps forward until he was arms length away from his brother. Too little too late, another failure was added to the belt.

Kaeya was a man of many words but for once he was at loss of what to say. No underhanded suggestions, no ideas taunting him to spill his thoughts, he simply asks Diluc, "What are you planning to do now?"

Silence. Kaeya couldn't predict what sort of expression his brother was making as he looks at your corpse. It brought a heavy weight of unsettlement upon him and here he thought he had already grown used to his brother's quietness.

Slowly, he turns around while letting the water pour down his face. Kaeya tightens his jaw as Diluc drags his feet towards him, stopping when their shoulders were parallel, "It's none of your concern."

"You're just going to leave her here?"

There was a slight pause which was enough of an answer. The Cavalry Captain sighs when he watched him walk away, what was the point of asking when Kaeya knew Diluc so well? He glances at your form before swiftly shutting his eyes.

It was his concern.

-------

A week later, the staff of the Ragnvindr household could hardly recognize their Master's appearance. They knew not to bother him when he decides to lock himself in his chambers. Diluc drowns himself with work from hours to no end as he connects the findings of the person that took your life. As expected, it was one of his enemies- a fatui member. The question was, which one?

"Master Diluc, I beg of you, please take care of yourself," Elzer pleads.

The pyro user didn't bother to spare him a glance or look at the tray of food he carried.

Food...you always brought them whenever he had to work overtime.

"I do not remember specifiying anyone to be allowed in my office," he voices aloud, "If it's related to business affairs simply leave that with Adelinde and I'll take a look at it tomorrow."

"I understand. But you've been working all day and night yet refusing to take any breaks in between. At this rate, you'll harm your health."

The feather pen in his grip kept dragging it's course, "This is beyond the duties assigned to you Elzer."

"That's because it was a request sent by your father," he adds, knowing that stepping over his boundaries may cost him, "If Master Crepus was still here, I'm sure he would have said the same thing."

Taking a deep breath, Elzer lays out his last card, "And also your wife."

The pen slows into a halt.

No one had brought you up until now. Elzer anxiously watches his Master shifting in his seat, his red bangs covering half of his face but he could still see the frown pressing firmly on his lips. It wouldn't be a surprise if Diluc suddenly bursted at him for mentioning such a sensitive topic, all that matters was his master's well being and Elzer was willing to risk everything for it. But nothing. Diluc turns his attention ever so slightly at the tray he carried.

"Fine, but I'm not eating that."

"What? Wasn't this was her favourite-"

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

Elzer furrows his brows before sighing, "...No, Master Diluc."

He exits the room while carrying the fresh dish of Once Upon A Mondstadt that you loved so much. The door closes with a soft click and he was alone again.

People found it strange how Diluc seemed so vacant to your passing. He didn't even show up at your funeral. Instead, he continues his duties as a Mondstadt nobleman like usual while taking care of business matters associated with the winery. Except those who were close to him could see the difference in his actions. Apathy, he was so mechanical in every task he did. Like a marionette attatched on strings, a doll without a soul. After all, his soul died the moment when yours did too. What remains was a shadow of Diluc and a being existing solely for revenge and duty. He was nothing but a remnant.

Fatigue begins to wash over him and he fights to stay awake. Because once he gives in it will all be over. Once he closes his eyes, he would see your face with a multitude of images from the past. He would hear your voice calling out his name from a distant space as it echoes off the walls of his mind. He would fall into a dream where you were still with him and as always, waking up to see that it was never real.

I should have pushed you away.

Because what hurt Diluc the most wasn't that you were gone, rather, it was how you were still here.

Then you'd still be-

Something breaks and it turned out to be the pen he was holding so tightly. Only now Diluc realized how fast his heart was thrumming as beads of sweat began rolling down his forehead. Focus. Don't waste time. He won't grant himself the liberty of anything when your murderer was still on the run. Every wound they inflicted on you was going to be returned in tenfold. He'll make sure of it. That's why, he refuses to think about you at all. Diluc occupies his mind with other matters since at this point, work was the only efficient method of keeping his sanity in tact.

She needs you to focus.

The door opens and Kaeya enters the room while holding a document, "We found the guy."

His reaction was immediate, "Where?"

"Hm, now that we meet, it's actually quite debateable," The captain notes wryly, "When was the last time you've gotten proper rest?"

"I don't have time for this, either you tell me or I'll do it by force."

Kaeya couldn't help but sigh, "Apologies but you don't seem to be in any state for a fight. I'm sure you know how it would end up if you were to face your enemy right now."

"..."

"Diluc, this isn't healthy," Kaeya asserts, it's been a while since he sounded so sincere, "I'm not here to prevent you from doing what's necessary however, perhaps it would be better if I finished it in your stead."

"No," Diluc stubbornly answers, "Hand that over."

"...Heh, then there's really nothing I can do to stop you it seems," he whispers with a sad smile, "At the very least, be careful."

"I intend to," The pyro user snatches the paper parchment out of Kaeya's hands before opening the window, "Also, if Elzer returns, tell him there's a few errands I have to take care of."

The night was a full moon and the sky was empty, Diluc leaps off the edge and disappears into the darkness. There was no telling of what could happen next. Since you weren't here, it was up to Kaeya to watch over him.

-------

The claymore dropped to the ground with a clang as it soaks up the blood of the fatui he just killed.

Diluc was tired, so tired.

He slumps down against the wall from pure exhaustion, all that adrenaline and hatred went up in fumes, leaving behind whatever was left in his heart: nothing. Two hours, not even that far from Mondstadt, the fatui hid in an abandoned building as he cowarded for his life. When Diluc arrived, he never expected this monster to be so weak. This was the person who murdered you? A pathetic nobody that was simply following orders? This was the reason why he lost you forever?

In the end, the only one to blame was himself, for being weak and unable to protect you. He was supposed to be your hero ("Darknight hero," you'd always tease), the rock that shields you just as you had been the warmth he longed for many years, did he give you enough? Was this enough? He thought avenging your death would grant him a peace of mind and the justice you deserved but deep down, he knew it will never be enough when it comes to his love for you.

"Diluc."

He closes his eyes, he hears your voice. He was so tired, it wouldn't be a surprise if he started hallucinating.

"Diluc."

"I'm sorry..."

The man lets out a trembled breath as he apologized to the image of you in his mind. I'm sorry I failed you. They were repeated like a mantra in hopes to reach you somehow. Of course that was impossible, his feelings, his emotions, love and sorrow altogether will never reach you again. And your arms that once comforted him and brushed his hair with a soothing voice, saying everything will be okay, where are they now?

"Diluc."

"Stop," he didn't want to hear your voice.

"Diluc, I'm here."

"Stop..."

"Diluc..."

He jolts his eyes open and lets out a yell, what was he saying? He doesn't know. All he needed now was to drown out the fake voices mocking in his head. Diluc grabs the nearest object and shatters it against the floor, the dam was broken and it flooded uncontrollably, breaking everything in it's way. The abandoned house was filled with loud cries of a man sobbing with agony like a broken-hearted child. He crumbles to his knees and falls to his side, lifting his forearms while clutching his face.

And screamed.

Archons, what did he do to deserve this? Why do the people he cherish get taken away from him? Diluc never wanted to be the Darknight hero if it meant having his father perish in his arms. He didn't want the feeling of stabs against his chest with every breath he took. He didn't want to feel cold while knowing it was because you weren't here to hold him. He didn't want your voice, your pictures or your memory.

He wanted you.

"(Y/n)..." he chokes. Rolling to his back, Diluc moves his arms to cover his eyes, letting the tears run down to his ears, "(Y/n)..."

For who knows how long, he lays there in the abandoned building and mourns. Diluc doesn't have the strength to move from his position, he found himself staring mindlessly through the cracks of the roof when his voice had gone hoarse. The corners of his eyes still burned and his head was throbbing with so much pain. Maybe he should just stay here but the thought of being in the same room as your murderer was unfathomable.

Picking up his claymore once again, Diluc drags himself out of the door. Where would he go? It's not like he had a home to return to because home was when he was with you. A doll without a soul, the marionette moves as if the strings have commanded him to do so. Where ever it takes him, he didn't care. He just knew he had to go.

[plush-rabbit]

Overhaul's Little Sister

Request: are you happy to write some more overhaul? he's how i found your blog! i think a lot of people tend to have issues with characterizing him but you do it so well! maybe overhaul as a manipulative, overprotective big brother? i imagine he'd be the type to make his lil sis rely solely on him, going as far to drug her to keep her movements sluggish whilst claiming it's because she's sick. he'd take her to the bubble bath princess style and sponge her all over before drying her and dressing her up in pretty clothes. she'd eventually be more like overhaul's doll than his little sister hehe.

A/N: Taking a quick break on the OM requests to put this up!! I really love the concept of Overhaul because I always wanna make him slimy and mean because I don’t think he’d change much in any sort of relationship

-

Protective isn’t the correct word, but it's the word that he uses. Of course, he has to protect you. He’s your big brother. You’re the only one allowed to ever call him by his name- to grasp his sleeve in your delicate hands and call him Kai. He puts his entire trust in you, telling you all his secrets as you lay under the covers, his hand knitted into your hair and commenting about how you’re the only that fully understands him- even more than Pops. You’ve been with him through the thick and thin of it all- you’re the one who held him close when you both lived on the streets and filth ruined your skin. You’re his little sister, and he’s the one who will protect you through it all.

Even though the Shie Hassaikai are made up of those that he can trust- for the most part- he can’t bear for any of them to look at you in a way that isn’t respectable. You’re a budding young woman, you’re going to receive looks that are less than pure and it makes his stomach twist in a way that acid rises and burns his tongue. His only solution is to dress you, to have you understand that what you choose to wear only makes you look cheap and he’d rather die than have you look easy. He chooses your clothes for you, and he’ll brush his thumb over your cheek when he senses your hesitation. You need to understand that he has to take care of you, that he can’t have anyone look at you in such a perverted way.

Very rarely will you interact with anyone that isn’t him. He’ll often point for Chronostasis or Mimic to watch over you if he happens to be busy with personal projects of his. He isn’t fond of having others watch over you but if it’s them, then he can at least know that you are in safe hands. However, the talking is kept to a minimum. You learned early enough that no matter how much you try to have them talk to you in a way that is less than formal, and actually try to hold a proper, friendly conversation, it’ll always be met with silence. Talking is often kept to a minimum, with them only confirming your words or to ask if you’re all right.

Despite all his efforts, he still frowns when you ask him to take you outside. It isn't fair that he actually gets to go out and experience the world. You want to go out and eat fried chicken and try dango. You’ll beg and plead for him to take you outside, but he isn’t so easy to break. Eventually he'll fulfill part of your wish. He’ll have a small garden assembled for you. It's a nice patch where there’s a garden of flowers and fresh vegetables for you to pick and admire. He’s even added a swinging bench where he can sit with you. He’s quite proud of what he made for you, standing tall with his shoulders squared and hands behind his back. There’s a smile underneath his mask, the fat of his cheeks pushing upwards as he walks towards you. You wanted to go outside and now you can in your own personal garden where you won’t be bothered- not that you ever were bothered.

He should have known that the garden could only have entertained you for so long. He’s surprised it’s even lasted as long as it has given how disappointed you had looked. If you were to whine just enough and beg to never leave his side nor let go of his hand if he takes you out, then he might actually consider it. It’s a sudden surprise when he picks the clothing for you and has your hair done up, and when he stands behind you in the mirror, his hands are on your shoulders as he tells you that he has to pick up some supplies outside and that you are welcome to join him. The nausea of exposing you to the outside doesn’t stand a match for when you wrap your arms around his neck and thank him profusely. You hardly ever leave the home, but when you do, it’s always with him.

The trips to the outside are uneventful. You’re always dressed in clothing that can cover enough of your skin. Paranoia will wash over him, sweat beads against the nape of his neck as the sunlight hits you. There are no walls that surround you, you are free, only to have his hand tighten around yours. He warns you to keep close to him and maybe afterwards he would reward you with something special at home- an extra snack, a few more minutes of screen time, even being able to stay up late. He just needs you to stay close to him. He needs for you to stay focused because if he feels that you linger for even a moment, that you show resistance to him, you’re never allowed to go back outside. Not until you can earn his trust again.

Once in a while, he’d actually let you eat some sort of sweet. It’s always in moderation and only given to you when you’ve behaved. He isn’t fond of the idea of having you eat something that isn’t on the meal plan he has planned out for you, but how can he ever refuse you? Your meals are dictated by him, healthy food and never going above the recommended calorie count for you, and with additional supplements. He just wants you to grow up nice and healthy, to keep the glow that makes you shine like a freshly bloomed flower.

It’s not just others' eyes that you have to be careful of. Their eyes are perverse and your big brother’s words have tainted your thoughts. You only see them as underlings as some sort of depraved monsters who would have their way with you if it weren’t for your big brother. But you’ve failed to notice just how perverse he is with you, caring for you in a way that isn’t humane. He keeps you trapped in a little cage, under his ever watchful eyes. He wants to keep you nice and pretty, docile enough for him to sleep in a few drugs into your system to have rest on his lap, your nose pressed against the waistband of his jeans as he listens to what the news has to say. He has you in a daze, your mouth slack and eyes unfocused on the wall in front of you as he sits beside you, busy working and busy keeping you in check.

Your big brother rarely directs his anger towards you, but when he does, it's terrifying. You’ve seen his quirk, you know what it can do. You’ve witnessed the horrors and the miracles that his hands can bring, He’s seen the fear in your eyes and has felt the heartbreak of having you fear him. His quirk won’t work on you, it would only serve as a divider between the relationship that you both have. He can’t protect you if you fear him. Wit is his only saving grace, something where he can use as an advantage to your naïve mind. While he’d never lay a hand on you, he would scare you. If you had behaved poorly during an outing, he’d simply pull you into a dark room and let you sit there as you think about your actions. The room is cold and empty, something that you aren’t fond of, something that he’s made you fear. He’d wait until you’d scratch at the door, begging for your big brother back, that you’re sorry that you failed to listen to him. Afterwards, he’d pull you in for a hug, his voice lulling you to sleep as he comforts you and wipes your tears. He’d he’d never lay a hand, but he would lock you in a room and comfort you later when you cry

No matter the age, Kai is always willing to bathe you. It’s a simple time, one where the room is quiet and you can only hear the rushing water as the iridescent soap covers your sensitive skin. His hands are gentle, never lingering anywhere for too long and his eyes are always on you- gold that bores into your own innocent eyes. Ever since childhood, he never trusted anyone else to touch you, always fearing that the wolf that waits outside would taint and scar your skin. He’d be the one to wash your hair, to dry you and have you pick out the scent of the lotion. He’d keep his eyes on you, eyes subconsciously narrowing when you avert your gaze from his. He’s the only one who can keep you clean, and it’s wrong to believe that anyone else would do his job so proficiently. He’d let you slip into your pajamas, cover the blanket up to your chin and sit with you until you fell asleep. He has to keep watch over his little doll, to make sure that you are properly taken care of, that the porcelain is always kept intake and free of any blemishes.

[theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction]

Festive Fuelstop

Pairing: Mando x Reader

Warnings: None.

Summary: You, Mando and the Child end up in a small town and get pulled into their traditions.

A/n: Happy Holidays, my loves!

You walked out of the Crest and took a breath of fresh air after a week of being trapped inside the flying metal. Despite having to make an emergency landing, you were thankful that the fuel line had started leaking just to stretch your legs. You and Mando had landed on the outskirts of a charming village where the mechanic actually refused the credits that the Mandalorian offered to repair his ship.

“Oh, golly. I can’t take payment now - I haven’t made any repairs.” The man chuckled heartily and whistled for his best workers to get on the job. The repairman then focused back on the new arrivals. “Why don’t you hold on to those credits and take your family down to the markets in the meantime?”

Mando appeared to have frozen so you leaned forward and pulled his hand back, flashing a smile to the kind man.

“The markets sound wonderful - could you point us in the right direction?”

You were given instruction to follow the wooden path down the hill until you reached a clearing into the central part of town which you, Mando and the Child followed.

When you reached the bottom, the townsfolk were in a buzz carrying boxes of shiny strings and coloured balls from one part of town to the next. Homes were decorated with lights strewn across the fences and roofs, some even had a green wreaths on the front door. Adults met up with one another with a grin as they walked in the same direction while children chased each other in tow.

You and Mando exchanged curious glances. This wasn’t something either of you had come across and your confused expression caught the attention of a passerby. The man stopped before the two of you and pointed.

“Visitors?” He guessed with a smile on his face that highlighted a hidden dimple.

You returned the smile and Mando nodded, “Our ship is being repaired uphill.”

“Well then it’s in safe hands. Please, feel free to join us in the Square while you wait.” The man invited and then walked away in the same direction as everyone else. It seemed like the whole town was headed that way.

Folding your arms, you turned to the bounty hunter, “Is it bad that I want to know what’s happening in the Square?”

“We have to keep moving.” Mando reminded as he looked around the buildings. “Maybe find a diner of some sort.”

You watched as more of the townsfolk left their homes and bit your lower lip as you thought - then you heard the child croon and idea came to mind.

“If everyone’s in the same place then none of their lodgings, food or otherwise, will be open. We’ll have a better chance to blend in alongside everyone else while seeing what has everyone so excited.” You said. “And the kid might never experience this again.”

The Mandalorian cocked his head to the side when he heard you.

“Are those reasons for the kid or for you?”

You shot him a side-eye and shook your head. Without hearing his argument against the plan, you followed the crowd and - in a few minutes - his beskar arm braces were bumping beside you.

It was a short walk to the heart of the town where a large green tree gleaming with lights and decoration sat in the middle. Your jaw dropped, eyes mesmerised with the sight that you almost knocked into the woman in front of you had it not been for Mando pulling you back. As the last few people joined, you realised that it was getting too close-for-comfort for the child so you moved to a more open space a little further from the festivities.

You returned to staring in awe at the magnificence of the tree and couldn’t help but smile, “What are they celebrating?” You wondered just as a little boy zoomed past with his friends, hearing your question. He stopped before you and Mando and placed his hands on his hips.

“You must be travellers! Tonight begins the First Ice of Holly Day. We gather around the tree just before the snow begins to fall - which should be starting soon!” The young boy explained and then ran off leaving the baby to lean over his cradle and coo.

Soon? You looked up to the skies and noticed that they had now been filled with frosty grey clouds. The sun began to fade away which illuminated the lights around the entire town making everything glow. As it darkened just a touch more excitable voices began talking quickly, most of it inaudible. You were so caught up in the moment that you hadn’t realised Mando tensing up beside you until you turned to him. He looked like he was ready to be jumped. You opened you mouth to chide him when there was a joyful cry from the far side of the tree.

“Look - look! It’s snowing! Holly Day has begun!”

You , Mando and the Child looked up once more and, sure enough, small snowflakes descended upon the happy town. A chilled breeze set in and you remembered that you weren’t properly clothed from when you exited the ship a while ago. You were about to suggest finding some coats when Mando turned his head toward the clearing.

“We should head back. I don’t want to be caught in a snow storm at the base of a hill.” He told you. You glanced at the baby trying to catch the snow in his mouth and sighed. Mando was right.

You shivered slightly, dusting the snow from your shoulders. “Point made. But before we head back, I need to stop at a vegetable stall.”

“Why?”

You pursed your lips and squinted at the green womp rat in the cradle, “Because somebody keeps ‘force-flinging’ the celonslay into the refresher.” you leaned down to the baby and used the tip of your index finger to lightly press on his button nose. “Vegetables are what’s going to make you big and strong.”

You straightened back up and noticed the crowd the beginning to disperse as you looked around them to find some place that sold healthy greens.

Mando pointed over your shoulder quietly and you followed his hand to where a row of merchants stood with their goods just past the tree. You thanked him and requested that he and child stay put until you returned. The bounty hunter didn’t argue and so you ventured off to the markets. As you passed the tree you smiled once more at its beauty. A part of you wondered if Mando would oppose to having a small one in the ship. But then you thought better of it because if Mando didn’t oppose then the kid might tear it apart or worse, jam it into the refresher.

You passed the first stall which happened to be filled with florals and ‘Holly Berry Seed Pots’ and over to the second one where rows and rows of fruits and vegetables sat. Scanning the items, you spotted the celonslay and decided against purchasing it again. The Child clearly didn’t like it. As you browsed, a head popped up from behind the stall - it belonged to the man you first met upon reaching the town.

“It’s you.” You realised.

He chuckled and quirked a brow. “Twice in one day? I’m beginning to think that you’re following me.” He teased lightly and tapped his hands on the wooden counter top. “I’m glad you decided to come to the Square.”

The man inquired about how you felt about experiencing the First Ice and you told him the truth of how you adored the way it was celebrated. You both then returned to the task at hand and you asked for his suggestion on a vegetable that a baby would enjoy.

“Children are tricky to pick for.” The Merchant hummed as he looked over the available selection. “But I do have some gimer canes. If the kid is teething, he can chew on this to get important nutrients with a sweet taste. He might even do a happy dance.”

Your eyes lit up along with your smile, “That’s perfect, I’ll take four.”

“Gimer canes are fairly rare so...”

“I’ll pay you double.” You offered instantly, not bothering to discuss it with the Mandalorian.

You expected the Merchant to take the credits right away but he laughed admirably at you. “I was actually hoping that you’d come with me to the Holly Seed Planting tomorrow instead.”

As much as you wanted to stay, you and Mando were due to leave the planet in under an hour. Your shoulders visibly slackened and the Merchant seemed to have understood. He reached beneath the counter and lifted up a paper bag, handing it over to you.

“Here, consider it an early Holly Day gift.”

Slightly confused, you looked inside and saw four pieces of the rare cane. You didn’t know how to express thanks besides repeating the word in the hopes that it would be enough.

“It’s okay, really.” The Merchant said softly. “Times are strange, we may meet again.”

You flashed a smile and thanked him once more before turning to leave.

You returned to the Child and the Mandalorian shortly after and noticed the mechanic of your ship walking away from the beskar-plated man with a spring in his step and humming a tune.

“Was that...?”

“It was.” Mando sighed. “Apparently, the repairs won’t be ready until tomorrow afternoon because the mechanic doesn’t want to miss out on the ‘festivities’.”

You couldn’t really blame the creature for halting work and you looked over at the hill pathway that led to the ship. “Old fashioned camp out in the broken cargo hold?” You suggested.

“It’s getting dark and you’re exhausted. We’ll stay in town until the repairs are complete.”

This meant that you could repay the Merchant in full.

“Why are you smiling?”

You wiped the escaped emotion from your face and cleared your throat. Balancing the bag against your hip, you looked around the well-lit town, deflecting the question, “I’m sure that there’s a good lodging around here.”

And you were right, a short walk down the road landed the three of you at a comfortable inn for travellers. But as luck would have it, finding a decent sized room in the towns busiest time proved to be difficult and so, you, Mando and cradled baby were placed in a smaller, single bed compartment with extra blankets to compensate. While it was quaint, a part of you wished that you were back on the Razor Crest.

As Mando settled into the temporary sleeping quarters by checking the perimeters, you helped the kid out of his cot and onto the soft mattress. This hadn’t been the first time that there was only one bed between three individuals so you and Mando decided to take one side each to make sure that you were both well rested. And, to be involved, the Child would walk across the surface before sitting on the side that he wanted Mando to be. 

The kid cooed and then smacked his lips which reminded you that he had not been fed the since lunch. You walked over to the table by the door and dug into the paper bag retrieving a stick of the gimer cane before carefully handing it to the baby to taste.

Mando joined your side as the pair of watched the child chew on the cane with a happy squeal.

“He likes it.” Mando noted, relatively surprised. Your mouth hung open as you watched the green womp rat do a little seated ‘happy dance’.

The Merchant was right.

Speaking of the man, you remembered to tell the bounty hunter of your plans the next day, explaining - once again - that it would be a good way for the kid to learn and enjoy other customs. His sigh told you that he wasn’t thrilled but, ultimately, he resigned. “Fine but we’re leaving the moment the Crest is fixed.”

You tried to contain your smile but it slipped out which led to the Mandalorian shaking his head and heading for the bed to get some decent rest. He picked up the child and moved him to the centre before laying down on the sheets. As you watched the baby find a comfortable sleeping position against his chosen-father, you realised that you were fairly exhausted from the day. You took up the blankets that the lodging provided and laid along the empty bed space, covering yourself and the kid just before falling asleep to the burning candlelight.

When you woke to birdsong, you found that the child had switched sleeping allegiances and was now snuggled in your arms. Mando stepped out of the refresher and helped you to get ready for the day by removing the womp rat from your hold which led the child waking up with a small wail until Mando pacified him with a gimer cane.

Once all affairs were in order, you paid the lodging owner in full and left for the Merchant’s stall where the man had just farewelled a customer.

“Can I have four more gimer canes?” You wondered and the moment the Merchant saw you, he abandoned his job, rushing to the front with a smile.

“You- you’re still here.”

Nodding, you gestured to where Mando stood with the child, “Our repairs will be done this afternoon which means we can go to the Holly Seed Planting.”

The Merchant nodded and boldly took your hands when he spoke. “The Planting is in a few hours but there are things we can do before that!” He looked over your shoulder to Mando, “Tell me, friend. Have you ever gone sledding through fields of freshly lain snow under trees of light?”

Mando stared back through his visor, “Only to capture my bounty.”

The Merchant didn’t know what to make of the statement and you chuckled to lighten the air, “Sledding sounds wonderful!”

And that’s what you did. The Merchant took the three of you to a sledding field and you almost forgot about your mission to find the child’s people. Mando took the green womp rat for a ride after caving to his pleading coos while you rode with the Merchant. 

Once the snow-filled fun had run its course, you all ventured back into town for a hot meal at the local cantina and a short rest before learning that enough time had passed for the Holly Seed Planting. You and Mando followed the Merchant over to the large tree where, at its base, several plots were dug in long rows along the white frost.

“What’s so special about this event?” You asked as curiosity enveloped when you noticed people gathering in pairs.

The Merchant took your hand and pointed across, “Holly Seeds are special, they bloom fast with emotion and identical where love is pure. It’s a rare sight to see but it doesn’t make it any less fun to plant.”

“What happens to these seeds after?”

“We nurture them through the year, their roots and leaves merge until they form the Town’s next tree for Holly Day.”

If you had left the day before, you never would have learnt about something so amazing.

“Oh - I think it’s starting. Let’s go get a seed.” The Merchant told you excitably.

Mando made no effort to move quickly, instead he held onto the child and stepped back. “I think the kid and I will wait this one out.”

A part of you wished he wouldn’t remove himself but once the Mandalorian made up his mind, he often stuck to it. You focused on the Merchant once more, painting the snow with your footprints until you both collected a Holly Seed Pot each and kneeled by two empty plots.

“Okay,” The Merchant said, nestling a little closer, “so all we need to do is hold these next to each other and if everything is right, they’ll bloom.”

You held out your pot until it clinked against the Merchant’s. Almost instantly, a bud peered through the Merchant’s soil and it quickly grew into a stem ... then leaves sprang forth ... and finally, a white-petaled flower emerged, tilting forward like a bell.

You looked down at the pot in your hands and there was nothing - not even a hint of green.

You gave a dry chuckle to hide the way your heart sank, “I can’t imagine it’s good news if nothing happens, right?”

The Merchant shook his head to not worry you but you could see in his eyes that this came as a surprise to him too. Clearing your throat, you flashed him a smile and looked around the place where bursts of colourful flowers came to life. “So, what happens next?”

“Usually, we walk around and see if there are identical flowers before we plant them into the ground but...”

You noticed his eyes flicker to the various pots, clearly trying to spot his match, and placed an gentle hand over his shoulder.

“Go ahead, it’s okay.” You told him as he once told you. The Merchant hesitated briefly until you repeated yourself.

You got to your feet as he thanked you and then you watched him walk through the crowd. Glancing at your sad-looking pot, you remembered something and looked up to find your travel associates.

No green or beskar could be seen. You did, however, see the mechanic once again. He had just arrived and was talking to a friend about how he had just finished a job.

The Razor Crest must have been ready. You intended to give a farewell to the Merchant but when you saw him standing by a young woman with an identical white flower, you decided against it.

Let him have this moment. Taking the plant, you decided to blend out of the crowd and back to somewhere familiar.

—

The Merchant was kind but Mando felt his dislike for the local grow every time you were present. He blamed the whimsical nature of the town but Mando felt something envious surge in him whenever you talked about the Merchant with a smile. Then he had to spend the day watching the pair of you laugh and joke and... hold hands - Mando seriously feared that you may have been falling in love. When the Seed Planting came around, he tried to ignore the way you and the Merchant had grown fond of one other so he stood to the back of the crowd. He was blending in quite well until a sweet old lady spotted him and the child and handed him a Holly Seed Pot of his own. He tried to give it back but the woman ignored him and moved on. The Child cooed and Mando turned to see you kneeling by the snow and holding your pot against that of the Merchants.

He heard the baby croon and attempt to speak.

“I know buddy...”

The child started tapping his hands over Mando’s gloves and pulled his attention from the Jedi over to the pot in his hands.

A red flower had sprouted almost instantly while was distracted. The edges of the petals ran gold like ink.

His mind flew to what the Merchant had said about quick blooming flowers and the Mandalorian felt his heart race.

‘Fast with emotion.’ He had said.

Turning around, Mando made a quick getaway just as the townsfolk gathered to ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ around the flowers. Thinking fast, he decided to head back to the ship, almost bursting into a sprint. The child had fallen asleep during the trip so when Mando finally got to the Crest, he laid the infant down before getting to work. He took the pot plant over to the carbonite chamber and shut it inside with a hiss.

—

The walk uphill was long and exhausting. There were multiple times when you considered throwing the pot behind you but something always made you rethink and forget the option. When you finally reached the Crest, you spotted Mando fiddling by the carbonite chamber and the kid asleep in his cradle. You dumped the pot on the side bench and headed past the Mandalorian for the cockpit.

“I’m ready to get out of here.” You said, climbing up the ladder. Without missing a beat, you sat in the pilots seat and prepared for take off, closing the doors of the cargo bay. You were a fast flyer so you had the ship up in lightspeed in no time only dropping out when you were several systems away. As you prepped the ship for autopilot, you heard the familiar armour behind you.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” He said gently. “The Jedi Order and the Mandalorian Way don’t give much room for romance.”

You leaned forward and flicked on two switches. A disappointed sigh escaping over the console. “I know. Sometimes, I hope for a sign that will lead me down a different path - one where I don’t walk alone. But it’s always a fools hope.”

The Crest’s engine sputtered, shaking loose a pipe above your head which made you frown when it bumped your head. “Dank farrik.” You muttered. “Can you get me something to fix this?”

The beskar helmet nodded and Mando turned down the narrow corridor. He went down the stairs to grab a wrench from his tools cabinet when a flicker of gold caught his attention.

Sitting on the bench was your Holly Seed Pot, a green stem had rose from the mud, blooming a red Holly Flower with gold trimming - just like his.

Masterlist here

[rottingflovver]

Random relationship (and just general stuff) headcanons for the ADA squad!!

Atsushi Nakajima 🐯

Soft boi

Smells like strawberries and vanilla

Don't question me on this, he just does

Also probably adores eating strawberries and vanilla, alongside ice cream and anything sweet really, but like, in moderation (it's gotta be a soft food tho)

He also likes fruits and veggies

A healthy boi

His ideal date would be sightseeing, just walking around town with his s/o and admiring the scenery

Would try to be really cheesy and say something like "you're prettier than any location we've been to" but he'd get too embarrassed halfway through so it would just come out as a stammering mess

He's adorable tho, you love him

When sleeping, if you sleep in one bed, he'd legit be like a big cat (no pun intended)

He'd be so warm, and his arms would be wrapped around you in a soft embrace

Prone to having nightmares so please comfort him

Ozamu Dazai 💀

The literal opposite of a soft boi

What I mean by this is that he's a straight up f-boy

Don't @ me, it's official; he's left every woman he's ever been with crying

But don't worry, once he gets attached to you, he'd be all giddy and happy whenever you even exist around him

My dude adores coffee (+ alcohol!)

Doesn't really eat much (please force him to eat more) but he's a sucker for sweets (I feel like he'd be really picky tho, like "no this brand of chocolate is absolute garbage I only eat the finest *insert niche brand literally no one has EVER heard of*"

We love him for it

He'd also really be into salty snacks, anything that has a crunch to it really

Did I mention that he smells like washed out Cologne mixed with his natural scent (+ the most recent way he tried to commit not-living)

His ideal date would be a coffee-date

He knows it's not much but that's where he feels the most relaxed and happy, so he wants you to experience that with him as well

Unlike Atsushi, this boy can FLIRT

Expect a cheesy remark every few seconds

It comes to the point where it's actually kinda annoying

Once you start firing it back at him (it's gotta be something sincere tho) he'd be flustered and kinda flabbergasted

Is also prone to nightmares, but don't expect to see this side of him unless he REALLY really trusts you

Kunikida Doppo 📚

Stoic boi

Idk how to explain this but I feel like the 🗿 emoji really represents him

Also he smells the most normal out of everyone ㅡ literally just some kinda nice perfume and neutral, washed out shampoo (by neutral I mean that you can't really identify what it is, but it's nice)

I feel like he'd be warm

Like not to Atsushi's level, but he'd be a good heat provider if it ever gets windy or rainy

Not to mention how comforting his hugs are, although, extremely awkward (he's so inexperienced with them Lord help him)

Also a sucker for coffee but that's because it's the only thing keeping him sane (and awake, Kunikida go to bed challenge)

He's a really good cook

Like it surprises you how many dishes he actually knows how to make, given how much time his work occupies

He's also more like your dad (or even mom tbh) than your boyfriend, because he's always nagging cuz of some idealistic criteria you failed to meet (ie. "cLeAn YoUr RoOm")

That's why his preference for dates are dates that don't even feel like them

It's literally just everyday activities

Going shopping together? Sure, he's down, gotta get it done anyway and it's nice to have company. You want him to teach you how to make a certain dish? Geez, finally, it's about time you start doing that yourself. You wanna join on a mission? That's a bit too dangerous, but you can meet him afterwards

Like do you get what I'm saying

It's so obvious you two have a thing for each other but he's just so damn dense and yet somehow gets super flustered at the same time

Compliment him on something he's insecure about and he'll be a mess for like 10 whole minutes (by this I mean he genuinely won't be able to utter a word)

Akiko Yosano 🦋

She listens to girl in red

Okay maybe not, but she definitely stans Dreamcatcher

I'll stop you get the point

Her favorite LOONA solo is Heart Attack

(That was the last one I swear)

But fr tho, she looks and acts scary but she's a whole sweetheart

Kind of cold but it's okay you can warm her up (melts if you do that)

Really scared of letting people get too close to her, but if you keep insisting and being nice to her she'll have to accept your love

ALSO fond of coffee (seriously what's with these people) and a mediocre cook (she's trying ok)

Will always be down to try and make something with you, whatever the dish may be

Smells like oranges and roses (not mixed, obvi on different days it's a different vibe)

Also sometimes has a lingering aftertaste of blood due to her job at the ADA and you're kinda just like 😶 about it because?? Do you tell her?? Does she know?? What do you do???

Pain.png

Hint: you should definitely tell her tho

SHE FINALLY HAS A CONSISTENT SHOPPING BUDDY

Although she doesn't force you to carry everything around like she forces everyone else to, because you're special ✨

That would also be your assumption on what her favorite date is, but she can actually be pretty romantic!

Don't expect anything grandeur tho, it's just a fancy dinner date at a restaurant

Poor bb has been planning and saving up for this for months now so please appreciate it

She sleeps like a rock

She's just straight, like a soldier

Oh the irony

But I feel like if you were to hug her she'd instantly melt into your embrace

Is ALSO prone to nightmares (seriously what's with these people) but she doesn't wanna bother you with them

Edogawa Ranpo 👓

Praise him

Please

He has a praise kink

So please praise him

He's surprisingly soft

Maybe it's all the sweets he eats, but he's both soft to hug and soft personality wise

Oh yeah did I mention he emits an aura of candy

Like he walks into the room and you don't even have to look to know that it's him, cuz it'll just smell like sweets all of a sudden

Speaking of, he really adores them

To the point where you'll have to force him to eat something healthy from time to time as well, I mean, seriously, that much sugar CANNOT be good for you

If you give him some homemade baked goods (ei. cupcakes, brownies, cake, ect.) listen he will LITERALLY lose it

You're his angel now

No not even that, you're a GODDESS/GOD to him

(Yes he's that dramatic)

He likes taking you to see detective movies with him where he figures out the killer in the first 3 minutes

Also he gets lost so gosh darn easily; never ever let him out of your sight or he'll just be gone forever

Other than that, he lets you organize and plan the dates, cuz he thinks you could do a way better job at being romantic than he ever could

He's really okay with anything you wanna do ㅡ he's just happy to be with you

(Just don't take him to someplace where he can't eat candy)

Force him to eat spicy food and he's breaking up with you nckdndjc

When sleeping together, he's sprawled out across the mattress

In many ways he's just a big teddy bear, you can climb on top of him and sleep there and he'll just be chill with it

These next few ⬇ are only friendship hcs bc a sis doesn't wanna go to jail

Kenji Miyazawa 🐄

Baby boy, baby

Listen I can't explain it but he smells like grass and that fresh air country smell

Like you just know he does

LOVES getting head-pats

Loves giving them too!!

He's so confused when it comes to city stuff, so he'd much rather chill with you somewhere on a grass field

Expect to play a lot of tag and hide n seek with him!! It'll be extra fun if he drags Kyouka and Atsushi with him as well

Sometimes he'll randomly drop a country fact that seems so obscure to you (think; that one time he mentioned they just throw criminals off a cliff) and you'll just stare at him like; 👁 👄 👁

He loves to eat

Literally anything

"I love cows but I love eating them too"

He mentioned before that he shouldn't eat a lot cuz he has no power when full but you can't just??let him starve??

Give him an apple and water and he'll be fine

Introduce him to arcades and he'll get hooked in a matter of seconds

Kyouka Izumi 🌺

baby girl, baby

Loves to go sightseeing like Atsushi

Kind of stoic in the beginning but as she slowly warms up to you she'll be smiling all the time

Brings out Demon Snow to protect you if a leaf falls a little too threateningly

Cdndjdj no but fr ㅡ she never really had friends that accepted her and wanted to spend time with her so she really doesn't want anything to happen to you

You have to remind her that she's just a kid; she should be allowed to relax and enjoy the moment for a bit

Smells like flowers and death

The death part of it fades away with time

Spends a lot of time with Atsushi!! Meaning you will spend a lot of time with Atsushi as well

If you don't like him I'm sorry but you two just can't be friends

She has no idea what counts as friend activities and what doesn't so expect her to either: a) not propose anything, or b) propose totally obscure stuff

But if something cute catches her attention she'll make an attempt to guide you to it

Like if she thinks you two should eat ice cream she'll stare at a nearby ice cream shop intensely

Sadly missing Junichiro and Fukuzawa cuz I just don't know enough about them 😔 we sad

[emmerrald]

Goldie (part 1) chilumi fanfic

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Goldie (Part 2)

(A/N: Hi guys this is my very first fanfic of Childe and Lumine from Genshin Impact! Hope you enjoy!)

“Wait, what did you just say?” Lumine asked to Childe, standing in front of them grinning like a child.

“I said, come with me to Snezhnaya.“ He said. “You have a commission there right? So let’s go together. “

“Hey! Paimon and Lumine planned that we go there next week!“ Paimon shouted at Childe. “We need to buy our necessities first!” 

“Oh, Don’t worry about that! I’ve got you covered.” Childe said. “So lets go now!“ He takes Lumine’s hands and dragged her to the port because the ship is already sailing. 

“Wait a minute! We need to pack our stuff first!” Lumine said as she try to pull away Childe’s hand onto hers. 

“I ordered my subordinates about that already.“ Childe said and the three of them already boarded the ship.

Lumine sighed in defeat and thinking that there’s nothing she can do about it.

“*sigh* Your making my head ache.” Lumine said and sat at corner and Childe sat beside her. “You’re ruining my schedule you know that?“ She said and smacks Childe’s shoulder playfully.

“That hurts princess!” Childe overreact. Lumine scoffs.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, that’s annoying.“ She said and just looked at the sky. Calming herself down so that she couldn’t kill him. “And I told you to stop calling me that!“

“If that makes you annoyed I will do my best!“ Childe said, and Lumine just stares at him just like a piece of sh*t. “Don’t look at me like that!“

“Why are you such in a hurry anyway?“ Paimon asked Childe. 

“Well, Teucer really wanted to meet you guys again and the other kids too. And the good thing is that you have a commission in Snezhnaya“ Childe said and smile at the two.

They looked at him like some piece of garbage and some shitty ginger head boy “I told you to stop looking at me like that!”

“You really should stop spoiling your siblings like that. It’s not healthy.“ Lumine said and the corner of her eye she saw something.

“Well, you can’t blame me. I love my de-“ Childe was cut off by Lumine placing her hand onto his mouth. And his heart thump a bit and blush was shown in his face.

“Can’t you be more quiet?“ She said and stand up to her chair and go to the elderly man who seems troubled. “Wait just a moment.“

She approach the elderly man with a lot of baskets beside him, seems there’s 10 baskets filled with chicken and Childe was behind her, following. 

“Hello, what’s the matter?” Lumine asked the elderly and the man looked at the three and grumpily sigh.

“You don’t have to worry yourselves with me, go away now! shoo!“ The elderly man said. Paimon’s shown a tick mark in her forehead.

“Hey you! Don’t be like that with us! We are willingly helping you here! and your just going to push away the Archon’s blessing like that?!! You wanna fight you fu-?!“ Childe smack Paimon’s head and lost consciousness and landed on the wooden floor with loud thud. 

Lumine sigh and shakes her head in annoyance. “I’m so sorry about our emergency food, she’s just speaking nonsense please pay no mind about her saying.” Lumine bows and apologize again, Childe’s do the same and picks up Paimon by her clothes and drag her to their sitting.

“Scram!” The elderly man said and grumpily mumbling by himself.

“Oh my Archons! Why did Paimon blurted just like that?! That is so embarrassing!” Lumine sigh and pouts. She heard a chuckle from Childe and he pats her head, that makes her heart skip a beat and blush terribly. 

“Haha don’t worry about that, Maybe, just maybe, that man don’t like someone meddling his business affairs.” Childe said and put Paimon on her lap. And put his head to Lumine’s shoulders that makes her caught off guard. “Anyway, let me rest here for a moment. I’m sleepy.”

Childe’s expecting a shove or a kick in his face but nothing comes, he looks up to her and saw her sigh and just smiled lovely. That makes his heart beat a little too fast. “Calm down heart of mine, there’s no time for romance” Childe sighs and just sleep peacefully and enjoys this moment.

…

Lumine wakes up in a small soft bed, beside her is Paimon sleeping soundly, she feels something behind her and turn to the other side and saw Childe laying beside her. 

Her face turns into a tomato and shouts and push Childe hardly out of the bed.

“WAAAAAAAAHHH!! What the hell are you doing?!!” Lumine shouts and she looks to her body, fully clothed. she sighed in relief.

Childe sits up and scratch the back of his head for the pain to go away. “That really hurts princess. Ouch, my poor head..” Childe said.

Lumine bites her lips and some thoughts cross Childe’s mind while she do that and he looked away. Lumine looked at Childe with guilt, and sat in front him. 

“I’m sorry..” Lumine exclaimed and Childe find that cute and chuckles quietly. “So care to explain, why are we in the same bed?” Lumine cross her arms and raised a brow at Childe. Lumine start to think some unholy thoughts and her face flush red just by just thinking of that, and Childe noticed that. 

“No need to be stingy, and first of all to clear the misunderstandings on your head, I did not touch you.” Lumine’s face was like a fresh tomato straight out from the garden. Childe chuckled and continue to explain. 

“Well, when I woke up in the middle of the night, and I just noticed the bothered of your face, must be because were sitting on a chair and me resting into your shoulders. So I booked a room and good thing that there’s a spare room but it’s a little cramp, and a single bed.” He said and start to wash up while Lumine still sitting on the wooden floor. “The thing is there’s no couch, and my ass is hurting just from sitting too long in the chair, and there’s no futon to sleep on the floor, so I slept beside you”

“So in other words, Tartaglia, eleventh of the harbingers, worried about me?” Lumine smirk at him, and Childe just smile at Lumine.

“What if I say yes?” Lumine was shock to hear that, and a blush was shown into her face. “Well, I’m waiting you outside, were almost at Snezhnaya, so make yourself warm because its super cold there, and we don’t want you to freeze to death.” 

Childe go outside and Lumine starts to scream and jump to the bed, crashing Paimon. 

“Hey Lumine! Your making Paimon into a food! You’re too heavy for me!” Paimon shouted at Lumine. 

Lumine sits up and hug Paimon tightly. “Oh my Archons, what should I do?” She squeezed Paimon more. 

“P-paimon, c-ca-cant b-breath...!” Paimon said as she running out of breath.

“I’m sorry Paimon! I didn’t notice!” Lumine said and hold Paimon up.

“You’re making Paimon tired. I’m going back to my world for a moment and rest peacefully.” Paimon said and vanished into thin air. 

Lumine clutched a pillow and bury her face there. “Why my heart is beating so fast?! and what is this feeling? I don’t understand...” 

Lumine got ready, making herself warm because she already feels the wind of the Snezhnaya as she open the door. “Wow! It’s really freezing here!”

Lumine go outside and see Childe over the deck, she supposed to go to him but she notice the elderly man ready to get off the ship, but the elderly was struggling. She sighs and decided to help the elderly man again.

“Hello.” Lumine said and the Elderly man starts to glare at her.

“You again! Just what is your business with me huh?!” The elderly man shouted at her face.

“I just wanted to help you carry those baskets until we reached your destination. Is there a problem why we can’t help you?” Lumine asked. The elderly man sighed and sat on the chair. Lumine sat beside her.

“The thing is, *sigh* how should I explain this.” The elderly man scratch his head and look to the sea. “My son was married to the family of riches and that family is insulting us because we are poor and I don’t want to disgrace our family just because of some insults. So I planned to give all our chickens to them, so they can stop insulting us. And now I’m late for the celebration *sigh*” The elderly man said and Lumine just looked at him with awe. She smiled at him and hold his hand.

“Don’t worry grandpa! We’re gonna help you to deliver this chicken, so that you cant be late to the party.” Lumine said. 

“Hmph! don’t pity yourself with me. Anyway, thanks for the help, I really appreciate it.” The elderly man said. Lumine smiled and look at the sea. “Anytime..”

“Hey girlie! what are you doing there?” Childe said and walk to them. 

“Childe! Grandpa allowed us to help him now!” Lumine said happily.

Childe stopped in his tracks as he observe Lumine carefully, on how beautiful she is. It’s the first time he saw her dress up like that, and it perfectly suits her. Childe looked away and cover his mouth. Lumine looks at him confused.

“R-really? T-then that’s g-good.” Childe said. Lumine scratch her head and approach Childe.

“Why are you stuttering? Is something a matter?” Lumine asked. Childe inhale deeply and look at Lumine with a serious face and smile.

“Well, I just thought that your beautiful.”

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Alone (2/2)

Leviathan x gn!MC

Content Warnings - implied/reference self harm, self harm scars, LOTS of angst, kinda Yandere Levi, setting healthy relationship boundaries, happy ending

Summary -  After talking to Mammon, you manage to figure out what’s wrong with Levi and the two of you have a serious heart to heart, setting some important boundaries. PART ONE HERE

Chapter 2 - After

You had barely been able to concentrate during school. Your thoughts were full of Levi and what had happened this morning. You weren’t sure what had caused him to snap like that, but you were willing to bet it had something to do with why he was so upset yesterday. Now if only you could figure out what had upset him then, you might be able to figure out a way to help.

You sighed again, as you poked the food on your plate. It was lunch time now and normally you would be texting Levi to see how things were going in his classes and to update him on your day, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do that until you got your thoughts in order and had a proper conversation with him.

“Whattya sighin’ for? Ya been doing it all day and it’s startin’ ta get on my nerves.”

Though he was trying to sound annoyed, you could tell that Mammon was concerned. He had apologized to you while helping you prepare breakfast for crashing your date with Levi yesterday. He knew he should have changed his plans once he realized everyone else wanted to tag along. (He didn’t bother to try to deny the fact that he still would have shown up on his own if it had been possible.)

You had been quick to forgive him, which Mammon appreciated, but he also wasn’t sure you had been really listening to him all that much. Your mind had seemed to be elsewhere. Normally he would have called you out on it too, demanding you pay attention to The Great Mammon and act a bit more grateful he was helping you out. But he got the feeling that even if he had said anything it wouldn’t have made a difference - you just seemed that distracted.

“Hey. Ya gonna tell me what’s up?”

His voice had softened now, the teasing tone gone. You looked up to see Mammon watching you intently. You tried to offer him a smile, but you were unsuccessful and the face you made was somewhere between pain and worry.

“I...ummm...promise this stays between us ok? You can’t tell ANYONE. And you have to promise that you will not try to do anything about it. Ok?”

Mammon did not like the sound of that. He furrowed his brow, but agreed nonetheless.

“I...I got in a fight with Levi. I think at least. I’m not sure. This morning he just wasn’t...well, he wasn’t himself. And it kinda scared me. So I left. And we haven’t talked yet. I don’t even know what to say to him.”

Mammon listened closely to your words. He still didn’t know what happened, but he could tell you were doing everything you could to avoid saying it. A fight with Levi? Pfft. What did you do? Insult Ruri-chan? How could you not be sure if you had a fight? And what do you mean Levi wasn’t….

“HE WHAT?!” Mammon jumped to his feet, ready to head home immediately and beat the living daylights out of his younger brother. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. That pathetic, whiny brat transformed on you?! What the fuck was he thinking??

“Mammon! Please! Calm down!”, you pleaded with him. People were staring now and you really didn’t want to cause a scene. The last thing you needed was more trouble with angry demons, upset because you disturbed their lunch.

Taking one look at you, Mammon sat down with a huff. He was still ready to rip Levi limb from limb, but had promised you that he wouldn’t try to do anything about what you had told him. He’d just have to come up with some reason to teach him a lesson later.

“Fine.”

“Thank you. It wasn’t like it was on purpose…”

“That’s even worse!”

“...He was just so upset. He was scared of something, but I don’t know what. And he just kept asking me not to leave.”

���So what are ya gonna do? You’re not seriously going back to him, are ya?”

“Of course I’m going back to him! Don’t be ridiculous. He didn’t actually DO anything. He got upset, but he let me go.

I just...need to find out what happened to him that got him so worked up. Everything seemed to be going so well until yesterday afternoon when y’all showed up at the tea house.”

“Oh.”

“What do you mean ‘oh’? Do you know something I don’t?”

“Errrr...well…kinda?”

You were glaring at Mammon now. ‘Kinda’ my ass, you thought.

“Alright alright! Stop lookin’ at me like that! I’ll tell ya! Sheesh.

Ok. So look. Levi’s the Avatar of Envy right? Means he gets jealous real easy. Up until now, y’all have sorta been off in your own little world and haven’t paid much attention to the rest of us.

But yesterday, we all showed up durin’ your date, yeah? When Levi wasn’t even at the table.

So I’m thinkin’ he saw us all talkin’ and havin’ fun and whatever and got jealous. And that’s what set him off.”

Ah. That made sense. Why didn’t you think of that earlier? How could you possibly be so dense as to not notice that your own boyfriend was jealous?? He’s the personification of Envy for crying out loud! You knew that! Jealousy should have been the first thing you suspected given the timing of everything.

“Ughhhhh,” you groaned, leaning back in your seat, covering your face with your hands. Just how oblivious were you?

“So, this morning, when he was saying all the stuff about not wanting me to leave….”

“Probably ‘cause he was feeling insecure and scared ya’d leave ‘im for good.”

You let out another loud groan of frustration at your own stupidity. You didn’t mean to, but you had hurt Levi unintentionally. No wonder he was upset. You knew that didn’t excuse his behavior, especially him grabbing you, but it at least gave you a place to start so that you could try to work things out with him.

“Thanks, Mammon. Don’t you dare let anyone ever make you feel like the stupid one, you got it? You’re a lifesaver.”

“Whatever,” Mammon replied, blushing. You couldn’t help but laugh. He really was a great best friend and you had never been more thankful that he was part of your life than right now.

————

“Levi? Hey, I’m home.”

You knocked on his door again, but still no response. You had been expecting that though. So taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you opened his door and let yourself inside.

What greeted you, was an absolute disaster. Figurines, plushies, books, and DVD cases were scattered everywhere. One of his computer monitors was even on the floor, cracked and ruined beyond repair. Your chest tightened as you surveyed the damage. What had happened after you left?

Careful of where you were walking, trying to avoid stepping on anything as best you could, you moved further inside the room to look for your Leviathan. When you found him, he was curled up in his tub, still in his demon form with his shirt removed. Seeing him like that made you gasp, and you had to fight back tears. He just looked so broken. His face was red from crying and stained with dried tears, his hair was a disheveled, tangled mess, and you saw what had appeared to be claw marks all over his chest, that by now were mostly healed but still appeared very fresh.

Without another thought, you slipped into the tub with him, spooning him from behind, pressing gentle kisses to his shoulder. You knew you still needed to talk to him, but you had to make sure he was alright first before anything else. He wasn’t going to be able to listen to a thing you said if he was still as worked up as he had been. Levi continued to sleep, breathing steadily, and you knew he must have been exhausted. Pulling the blanket up to cover you both, you settled down, snuggled behind him and went to sleep.

————

As Levi started to wake up, the first thing he became aware of was the blanket covering his body. He didn’t remember covering himself up and wondered when he had managed to do that. But while he was pondering about the origins of the blanket, he started to become aware of the warmth that was pressing against his back, and the arm draped over his side.

His breath hitched, and he desperately fought the urge to immediately turn around. You couldn’t possibly be here. There was no way you could. After what he did...he choked back a sob as another flood of memories and anxieties washed over him.

“Levi, you okay?”

That was your voice. There was no mistaking it. It was so soft, and clear, and soothing. Cautiously, Levi rolled over so he was facing you.

“Hey babe,” you whispered, brushing the tangled mess that was his bangs out of his eyes so you could get a better look at him.

Levi couldn’t hold it back any longer, and broke down again, in a mixture of relief and regret now that you were right in front of him. His guilt still weighed heavily on him, but he was so incredibly happy that you were here.

As you watched Levi cry, you did the only thing you could and wrapped him up in a hug. You didn’t want to tell him everything was “alright” because it honestly wasn’t, so you decided on “I’m here” as you rubbed gentle circles on his back.

“I’m here, Levi. I’m here.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

“Hey, shhhhh. We will talk later ok? Just calm down right now, alright? I’m here. We will talk later. I promise.”

Levi nodded, burying his face into your shoulder, careful not to stab you with his horns. He had tried to shift back to his human form when he first noticed you, but he was still too anxious and agitated to manage it.

It took a good hour for Levi to finally calm down enough to talk to you. At some point his tail had become entwined around your leg, but his hold was gentle. You could tell he was being cautious and you appreciated it and the intimate gesture.

After another moment of silence as Levi gathered his thoughts, he started to apologize:

“I’m sorry,” Levi said, “I shouldn’t….I shouldn’t have grabbed you….”

Levi struggled to get his words out. His throat burned and felt so raw. But he knew he needed to say this. He needed to tell you how he felt and that he knew it was all his fault. He knew you were going to leave after you finished talking, so he had to make sure he said all he had to say before that.

“Thank you for saying that,” you replied, kissing his forehead, “I mean it. I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

You could tell he had more to say, so you calmly waited, rubbing his back gently and resting your cheek against his head, reassuring him that you were still here and ready to listen.

“I saw you with my brothers yesterday and...I just...I got jealous,” his voice was scarcely above a whisper now, but he kept going, “And, I...I...I know that you have to be disgusted with me after that. I know that...who wouldn’t…”

“Disgusted? Why would I be disgusted with you?”

“Because. Because I was jealous. And that’s not good, right? Good boyfriends aren’t supposed to be jealous. If I’m jealous that means I don’t trust you, right? Or that I’m a loser...which I know I am...but still. I shouldn’t have been jealous…”

“Aw, Levi, sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with jealousy. That’s normal. Everyone...”

“No! You don’t get it. I was really really really jealous,” he pulled back so he could look you in the eyes, desperate for you to understand just how despicable he was, “Really jealous. Like lock-you-up-and-never-let-you-go, yandere type of jealousy.”

“But you didn’t Levi; you did let me go.”

“It doesn’t matter! I still felt that way! I...I...I...still feel that way. Even now. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here. Forever. And I don’t care if it makes you hate me. I still….I still don’t want you to leave me.”

You listened carefully as Levi spoke, piecing together how he was feeling bit by bit. This sounded like it was more than just the incident at the tea house that had bothered him. It seemed like this is something he had been struggling with and battling all on his own, hiding it from you out of fear. The thought made you pull him close again, and he didn’t even attempt to resist you, he just melted in your arms.

There was so much you had to say to him now that you had a clearer picture of what he had been dealing with, that you scarcely knew where to begin.

“Ok Levi, I’m going to talk now alright? And I need you to listen. Don’t interrupt me. Just listen. Ok?”

He nodded against your chest, he knew what was coming. This was the part where you would tell him how awful he was and how you never wanted to see him again and how much more wonderful all his other brothers were and how you regretted ever…

“I love you, Levi. You’re...well you’re my favorite person. The first one I always think of. The first one I want to share good news with. The first one I want to see when I’m upset. It’s you. It’s all you.

I want you to tell me these things. Please. It’s ok to be jealous. I get jealous sometimes too. And well, I think because you tried to hide it and keep it to yourself...I think that’s what allowed it to fester. But if you had talked to me about it? If you had talked about it, we could have worked something out. Together.

I mean, we’re supposed to be a couple right? So aren’t we supposed to solve problems together? That’s all I want.”

“How am I supposed to tell you that I want to lock you in my room and never let you leave? How is that supposed to help? It’s not like you’re suddenly going to let me do it. All it would do is prove what a twisted pervert I am…”

“...I might.”

“Huh?!” Levi jerked back once more so that he could see your face. He had to be sure of what he was hearing. You...wanted…him to lock you up…? That can’t be right. There’s no way you’d sink to his level of depravity, even if you were only doing it to comfort him.

“I said, if you were to ask me, I might let you lock me up.”

Levi was now frozen in place. His brain was misfiring and he didn’t know if he should laugh, cry, or just be plain embarrassed. Why were you saying these things? Did you even understand what you were saying? You couldn’t just say something like that. Here he was trying to control his darker urges and you were...encouraging them.

“We could do it like any other kink. Come up with a safeword. Have a plan in place. Talk about what was allowed and what wasn’t. I don’t see any reason not to, honestly. And if it’ll make you feel better, and give you some sort of outlet for your anxiety, then all the more reason to.”

He really didn’t know how to process this. He had just revealed the darkest, ugliest parts of himself to you, and you weren’t even batting an eye. He had assumed you were going to take off running at some point during the conversation and never look back, but you were still here. You were still talking to him, still trying to understand him. And he just couldn’t believe it. How could you love him so much?

“Hey, I mean it, Levi,” you reached out and cupped his cheek, stroking it gently with your thumb, “This isn’t something I want you to keep to yourself. You should tell me these things. You HAVE to tell me these things. If it’s something simple I can fix, then I can fix it. And if it’s not, then we can come up with a way to reassure you, and help you work through those emotions. Just...trust me a little, please?”

He wasn’t sure when, but at some point he had started crying again. But these weren’t the sad, angry, bitter tears from before. No, these were tears of pure relief. You understood him. You accepted him. You weren’t disgusted by him. He couldn’t put into words how happy that made him right now, so he just nodded again and held your hand closer to his cheek.

“So now that we are on the same page...do you think you could tell me what it was you were so worried about yesterday?”

Levi didn’t even need to think about it now, of course he would tell you. He’d tell you everything. His demonic form was finally fading away, and he curled up as close as he could manage next to you, wanting to feel more of your warmth.

“I...umm...just...well…you looked like you were having a lot of fun with my brothers. And I well, I wondered if you had been having that much fun with me...because I didn’t really talk with you yesterday. I just sorta did my own thing while you watched…”

You were struggling not to laugh now. You really needed to keep it together because you didn’t want Levi to get the wrong idea, but it was a battle that was more difficult than you would have thought possible under the circumstances.

“I’m sorry Levi,” you gave him another kiss to his forehead before resting yours against his, closing your eyes, “I’m not laughing at you I swear. I’m just laughing at the situation I guess? I mean, I don’t know what you saw when you found me sitting with your brothers, but I can promise you I was not enjoying myself. Frankly I was beyond pissed. Mammon I understood you know, because he’s always tagging along...but for everyone else to show up? It infuriated me.

And as for you being excited and ignoring me...sweetheart, that’s why I took you there in the first place. I know how much you love that stuff. And you are just so incredibly cute when you’re in your element and enjoying yourself. So I took you there knowing full well what I was getting myself into. That was the entire point.”

Well, now he just felt foolish. Everything he had been worried about...the anxiety that had been eating at him for the past 24 hours...he could have avoided it all if he had just talked to you earlier. He hated how simple it was.

“Is there anything else?” you asked, checking in on Levi as he continued to come to terms with the fact your idea of a good time included watching him be the biggest dork he could.

“Oh yeah, I guess. I uh, I wasn’t trying to ignore you yesterday. After we got home I mean. It was just like...like I couldn’t even hear you. I mean I could hear you...I knew you were talking...but I didn’t know what you were saying.”

You had to smile at his confession just now, maybe he hadn’t realized it before, but that was far from the first time he had stopped being able to verbally respond to you. There were plenty of other times where he had been stressed, that he just opted for laying near you and zoning out while you played with his hair or you cuddled and watched a movie together.

“I know, Levi. I get it. I don’t know if you realize this but...that’s not the first time something like that has happened. And I didn’t think for a moment you were ignoring me on purpose, ok?”

Levi breathed another sigh of relief. You were amazing, so incredibly amazing. How did he manage to be this lucky? He knew there had been other times where he had struggled to respond to you, and he thought you hadn’t noticed because you never said anything to him. But it turns out you knew the whole time and had already decided to embrace that along with the rest of his quirks.

The two of you continued to lay there in comfortable silence, holding each other close. You were hoping against hope that you had gotten through to Levi, and that he knew how much he meant to you and how willing you were to work things out with him. Telling you everything, and laying it all out there couldn’t have been easy for him. He was self conscious enough as it is about normal things, you couldn’t imagine how much resolve it had to have taken for him to open up to you about this.

Now that the anxiety, tension, and fear had left Levi’s body completely, he found himself struggling to remain awake. He wasn’t ready to sleep yet. Sleep was a waste. If he slept, you really would have to go.

You could see how much of a fight he was putting up to remain awake. His eyelids kept drooping, and his head would occasionally bob, before he’d jerk himself awake once more. So cute, you thought.

“Hey, why don’t you get some rest? I’m gonna get started cleaning things up. But I promise I’ll still be here when you wake. I won’t go anywhere without telling you, ok?”

Levi nodded, he was so exhausted at this point, and your permission was all his body needed to stop its attempts at resistance. The last thing he remembered before he drifted off was the feeling of your lips on his cheek as you climbed out of the tub, and tucked him in.

————

Leaving Levi in the tub, you set to work tidying up his room. If you were being honest, you wished you could stay by his side and get some rest yourself, but you knew that this had to be taken care of first. You didn’t want Levi to see the damage he’d done to his room when he had been in his demon form, because you were sure he wasn’t even completely aware of what he had been doing. If he saw things as they were, you imagined it may only send him into another guilty spiral of anxiety, and you didn’t want to chance it. You would just have to explain things to him later.

As you worked, you couldn’t help but think of just how upset he had to have been. He loved his collections. He treasured them and went through great pains to preserve them so that they could always be enjoyed in perfect condition, as intended by their creators.

But seeing everything scattered about how it was only served to remind you of the depth of his self loathing. He had been doing so well as of late, that you nearly had forgotten just how dark his thoughts tend to turn. For every thing you loved about him, he had something he hated about himself.

And while he was proud in his declarations of love for his interests, he also was very much aware how people viewed him because of it. You wished you could get him to see himself as you did. Then maybe he could learn to have just a tiny bit more confidence, and just be slightly less anxious all the time. You didn’t want to change him - you just didn’t want to see him suffer.

Just as you placed the last figurine back in its rightful position, you felt your DDD vibrate in your pocket. It was Mammon, and he was checking in on you.

“Hey. Everything goin’ alright? He’s not refusin’ to let you leave, is he?”

You were about to type a reply, when another message came through soon after,

“If ya don’t answer me I’m comin’ over there and kickin’ his ass.”

He was looking out for you, and it warmed your heart. You had dumped a lot on him earlier, and he had been so supportive and understanding. It couldn’t have been easy for him, you knew, to let you go back and see Levi again after the things you had confided in him. Mammon was insanely protective of you. And you really couldn’t blame him, especially considering you had had a couple near death experiences at the hands of his brothers, Levi included.

“I’m fine. Levi is asleep.” You sent your message through quickly, before deciding to send along another with a new selfie attached as proof of your condition.

“Good. Stay that way. Dinner is soon.”

You smiled as you flicked the screen of your DDD off, and slipped it back into your pocket. Looking over the room once more, you felt a tiny bit proud at how well you had done restoring order.

You didn’t notice it, but Levi had woken up a little bit ago and had been watching you work. He was so grateful to you for cleaning things up, even if he was embarrassed that you had to have seen him like that. The fact that you managed to return everything to its rightful place was a testament to how much time you had spent with him, and how much attention you paid to things he was interested in, and it made him feel so incredibly loved.

His memories from most of the day were fuzzy, as they usually were whenever he lost control of himself like that. He was thankful he had managed to keep it together long enough for you to leave this morning too. He didn’t know what he would have done if he really had hurt you, instead of just taking out his anxiety on himself. The thought made him shiver, and as he pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders, he realized his shirt was missing.

His cheeks flushed once he remembered that only a few hours ago you had been snuggled up close to him, and therefore had to have noticed. Even though it made no sense after everything else that had happened, the realization embarrassed him greatly. You may have already been intimate plenty of times before, but letting you see him naked outside of those times still felt awkward.

When he looked up again, he saw you smiling at him. You had been watching as he tried to cover his body with his blanket. The fact that he was blushing and embarrassed about his state of undress helped you relax. If he had the wherewithal to care about that, you knew he was going to be alright.

You walked over to him, and knelt by the edge of the tub, crossing your arms and resting them on its side. Levi looked away from you now that you were close, and you reached out to tuck some stray hairs behind his ear. It was a sweet gesture, but entirely unproductive given the state of the rest of his beautiful purplish, blue locks.

“Hey you. How are you feeling?”

“Better. Just a little tired, I guess.” He gave you a sheepish smile, “Umm, thank you. For cleaning up. I know it had to have been a hassle. Sorry you had to see things like that. But ummm...thanks.”

You shook your head, “Don’t worry about it. That’s what I’m here for. I mean, you’d do the same for me right?”

Levi blushed again, and gave you a small nod. Of course he would do the same for you. How could you possibly think anything else? He might not be as eloquent as you, but he definitely would have done his absolute best to be there for you. He wouldn’t have abandoned you, that’s for sure.

“I uh...think I need to shower. Before dinner, you know.”

“Hmm, maybe I should join you,” you teased, a smile playing at your lips.

“Yeah, maybe you should.”

Now it was your turn to be embarrassed, and your face flushed crimson. You were used to being the one with the upper hand, and you weren’t sure how you felt about this sudden role reversal. But one thing was for sure - you certainly enjoyed that hungry, needy look in his eyes as he waited for your response.

[kiaraspeaks]

Mr. Nancy x Female!Reader: Prey to Me.

You hunt Gods and he is tricky, slippery, and sly. The Gods in America are worn down and bent out of shape. Some Gods are too lazy, having had sacrifices laid at their feet for hundreds of years. Others pick up jobs, live as humans do until they're eventually forgotten in the minds of all those there, slowly they fade away but not him. Your family has been hunting the God that swindled your great great grandfather but to no avail.

Anansi.

The name feels wrong on your tongue but you've finally found him, or more so you feel that he has found you. You tracked him to a weekly poker game, after that he returned to a humble little apartment above a shop in the dingy part of town. He hummed a little song as he spun into his place. He looked at you, and then directly through you. It's a chilling feeling to be so small, to stand in the room with the God who could easily end you, and have them think you not worth the time. You never really will adjust to that no matter how many times you do this.

"So which one are you supposed to be?" He asked and plucked his hat off his head. You had been sitting here with this gun in your hand, bullets imbued with enough strength and energy to kill a God. Yet he seemed indifferent to you, the gun, and quite possibly by the idea of death itself. He could as easily be talking to you about the weather.

"You swindled-"

"Your great-great grandfather Jebidiah. Won all his land in a card game.” He said and snickered to himself while placing the hat on the coat rack, he slipped out of his jacket with ease. At this point you should be shooting, blasting your guns until he’s left bleeding and writhing but you don’t. You hate yourself for it but you’re a bit enamored, years of training and back breaking labor has led you to this moment. It’s also caused a bit of an obsession, you've learned all you could for this moment, and he doesn’t look like the creature from legend, at least not yet. “Which story they tell you? Obviously not the true one.”

“Watch your tongue, shifter. I know how you lie.” You said and he turned to look at you, and without even a wiggle of his fingers your chair is sliding across the floor towards him slowly. He’s playing with you, toying with you the way predators toy with their prey before devouring them. You felt something crawling up your hand and jumped, you mean to shake whatever off your hand and somehow sent the gun sliding across the floor like an amateur. One moment he is in front of you without it and the next moment it’s in his hand and he's far too close for comfort.

“I deal with a lot, but not rudeness.” He said and twirled the gun like a cabaret girl and then aimed it at you. He pretended to pull the trigger, taking pleasure in the way you flinched if the brilliant smile on his face meant anything. “I wonder if these bullets could even kill a human?”

“Nothing wrong with a healthy dose of curiosity, as long as it stops there.” You said nervously.

“That land he lost, he lost fair and square. Of course ol’ Jeb is always telling half stories.” Anansi said and walked across the sparse, tidy living area and disappeared down a dark hallway before reappearing with two glasses and a bottle, you barely paid attention to the third hand holding the gun. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I came to kill you, and you’re offering me something to drink?”

“You really gotta stop thinking the worst about everybody you meet. Some of us actually have manners. Now, relax.” He said and then sipped from both cups. “See, not even poisoned.”

“What do you mean by half stories?” You asked, you finally move from the comfortable leather chair and take the drink, he could kill you and he hasn't and he's had the upper hand all evening. You don’t drink it but the least you can do is take it.

“Jeb bet his life for mine, in the end I just took his land, half his land, the other half went to his mistress who threatened to come forward if he didn’t give her what she wanted.” Anansi said. “It’s quite dull actually, a direct beginning middle and end, I’m offended to even be included in it.”

“So I’m not going to kill you today?” You asked, you only kill God's who deserve it, not that the council likes that, you have a code and the Council hates that. They want you to kill with impunity but you don't see the reason to hurt those helping humanity.

“You have walked past so many awful Gods just to get to me.” Anansi said and placed his hand over his heart, or where you thought his heart might be, “I’m honored, but saddened your hatred was built on a lie. All that misplaced passion.”

“How am I supposed to know that’s the truth?” You asked, you knew he had no reason to lie to you but you couldn't bring yourself to just believe his words. He was the Spider. Trickster. Story teller. Anansi. But he was a God too, and they saw no reason to lie to humans. Humans weren't worth their weight in salt to Gods.He held your life in the palm of his hand all night, why would he bother lying to you?

“A Kiss.” He said

“You’re a pervert as well as a swindler. I’m old enough to be-”

“I stopped counting in years long ago, of course I am not trying to bed you, at least not yet.” He said and held out his hand to you. Perhaps everything has been leading up to this, when you’re foolish enough to trust a trickster. Anansi. The word swarms around in your head like an angry little bee, you're a fool to trust him but he has the gun, the power and upperhand in this moment.

Still, you slipped your gloved hand in his, he places his other hand on your hip and pulls you closer and it comes to you in flashes. His lips are warm, and his breath sweet and fresh as if he has been chewing mint leaves. He's really good at this, for a moment you forget the world, it's just you and Anansi. Then you see it. You see the sprawling land, the mistress, even the card game where Jebidiah did his best to cheat and swindle Anansi out of his Godhood.

You know how the rest of the story goes.

Damn. Damn your entire lives being based around a lie. All that time wasted and nothing to show for it.

Damn the council for probably knowing the truth and allowing you to waste valuable time training.

“How did...you do that…” You said and felt as if you have been pulled both in and out of your body all at once. Your lips still tingle from the heart of the kiss, and he's still holding you close to him.

“Jeb had the same question, it’s not a party trick or something I share with Godhunters.” Anansi said, and he hasn’t let go of your hand yet. You’ve been ordained by others to hunt the Old Gods, to spill their blood, but your fury and rage has been cooled in this moment. Perhaps what you mistook for a predator playing with their food was something more. But are you still prey? If you bed a God then the council would be severely disappointed with your actions, but then again the council still believed you were a virgin. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt. “What are you thinking, Godhunter?”

“Why did you let yourself be caught?” You asked, it's a foolish line of thoughts. Bedding Gods has led greater humans down more desperate paths, is that what you want? For the first time in your life you're not sure what you want, you’re not guided and molded by vengeance anymore. Still the idea is there, and he is still so close, and the kiss of a God is still as sweet and forbidden as the Council warned you it would be.

“I am the Spider, I am never caught in my own web.” He said and ran his thumb along the top of your hand. It elicits a single shiver down your spine which you're sure he feels. You've yet to move back away from him, "But Jebidiah was an interesting human.”

“You believe you’ve caught me.” You said.

“I know I’ve taken root in your mind, and what more can a God ask for.” He said, and damn him to ten types of hell he'll never see but he's right. He is there, he's been there your entire life planning this moment. From a young child bouncing around your grandparents home while they regaled tales of remaining vigilant against spiders, to a buxom teen waving off the stories as nothing more than make believe, and through hard training through your early twenties and thirties. He’s always been there and you’ve had no other choice than to accept him and let him in, but how far are you going to take this? You can see him watching your realization and relishing in it.

"Gods always ask for more." You said, it’s never going to be just enough that you won’t be chasing after him. He wanted you and you were going to give him what he wanted, but no tricks involved this time...you hoped.

"Can't blame us it's in our nature." He said. He's still close. Your lips still burn from the kiss. Going against your very nature from hunting Gods to being seduced by one. You're not just allowing it, you want it. "Just like it's yours to destroy what you don't understand."

"You don't know that."

"I think I know that well enough." Anansi said, you watch each other for quite a while before you finally take his challenge, you raise the glass to your lips. "The council will know now that I'm not dead.."

"I think the council has always known about this...you... us." You said bitterly, "They just needed another fool for their cause. Well I've embarrassed myself enough for one lifetime I think it's time I go, unless you don't plan on letting me leave."

"You're welcome to leave." He said, he dismantled the gun quickly, removing the bullets and the one in the safety before taking it apart. No, you never stood a chance against him if the rate at which he moved meant anything. "Or you can stay and I can tell you more about Jeb."

"You're trying to use my deceitful great great grandfather to get in my pants."

"Is it working?" He asked and began to unloosen his tie.

"You're just interested in fucking one of the Godhunters."

"And you're avoiding the question." He asked, "You're not the first of your kind to show up on my doorstep with a gun and a chip on your shoulder."

"But I am your first Godhunter?"

"I forgot how interested you humans are in numbers. Counting. Math." Anansi said and took a seat, no he won't be dying tonight. Shit. She really had planned on killing him but she also hadn't planned on questioning the council tonight as well. "So, are you coming to dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"I know you didn't eat tonight." He said, it's true, you had a bowl of soggy cornflakes earlier than that morning but nothing else since. So you allow yourself to be taken to dinner, and you eat, and you laugh and you do end up fucking a God that night. You don't suppose you can go back to the council after it's all said and done. Later that night he lays in bed, exhaling smoke from a cigarette you never saw him light. "I think I'm going to miss you following me all over this country."

"I was focused and committed." You admit, "But now I have a new task."

"And that is?" He asked, he killed the cigarette in the ashtray next to him.

"I never questioned why they wanted God's dead, just that they did." You said, "I want to know what they're up to."

"Be careful." He said, "The spider rarely makes the fly aware of it's plan."

"I'll be subtle." You said, you cover your face with your hands for a moment as the entire night dawns down on you. "At the worst I'm banned because they'll know I ...shit, I've really done it now haven't I."

"If that's what the kids are calling it." He said and snickered.

"What have you done to me?" You ask, your mind is still very much your own but you have so many questions, questions you never had before. He slides back between your legs with ease, but not to ravage your body one last time, he looks down on you before leaning in to kiss. You see the world, the future, the past, and the council and the Gods that sit atop it. Shit. 

"Oh my, you have your work cut out for you.” He said. 

"Seems I do." You said and look up at him. A God you spent most of your life loathing is here. And looking at you like you're anything but his death. You lean up to kiss him but it's different, it's not for secrets or to unlock a hidden past. When you leave here you'll never see him again, you both know that. You want to make the most of your time before hell descends down on you.

"But you'll be able to do it."

"Let's do something else first." You said, you both take advantage of the moment. You've hunted Gods all across America, and the Trickster is the most honest one. How many Gods have you destroyed upon a lie? When you're done being teased and titliated you'll make this right.

But for now it's just you and Anansi, the way it has been for quite some time.

[killmongerkink]

Eatin’ Good

Summary: A birthday surprise for the birthday boy. 

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens X Black!Reader

Warning: fluff, domestic!Erik (???), lightlightlight smut. 

Length: 1k.

BTW: this has been collecting dust in my drafts for a lil min, but i wanted to get bcd p.2 out first before anything else. hope you enjoy and sorry for any typos! & let’s pray this gif doesn’t get my page in trouble lol.

MASTERLIST

Waffles. Check. Biscuits. Check. Eggs. Check. Bacon. Check. Sausage. Check. Cake. Double Check. 

Smiling to yourself, you looked at the time illuminating the stove clock before walking over to the table and setting his plate down. Your heels seemed to click louder than usual against the floor, your steps careful and precise in order to not scratch the wood that Erik was so adamant about having when you guys were house-hunting. 

It was his birthday and although you had the luxury of taking off, Erik’s line of work didn’t permit it. As a paramedic, his schedule was pretty straight forward. A 24 hour shift, followed by 48 hours off. He had promised that you both would celebrate tomorrow, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t do a little something for him on his actual birthday. 

You heard him shuffling around before he was jogging down the steps, the sound of his new shoes (that took you an entire month to find might you add) that you gifted him early making you take a deep breath before rushing to stand by the chair he usually occupied by the table.

“Happy Birthday baby.”

His head jerked towards your voice and he stared at you for a moment, leaving you to wonder what he was thinking. A scarf/bonnet and one of his t-shirts was your usual morning attire, but with your braid out already fluffed and lingerie providing little to no coverage, you could tell that he was taken back. 

“I know I don’t usually have time to make you breakfast in the morning so ... surprise?” You trailed off, swaying a bit in your shoes.

“Come here for a second.” He threw his jacket and backpack over the banister, head tilting to the side. “C'mere” He repeated and beckoned you over with his hand when you didn’t move.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped around the chair and walked slowly towards him, stopping before reaching the short hallway. Erik always said that he didn’t care what you wore, but he was a man. You were pretty sure that he wouldn’t actually be opposed to a sexy fit if you donned one and you were right. He peered at you closely. Your big hair, big titties, big hips and big thighs all exposed for him to see. Your fluffy tummy was slightly hidden by the thin material of the lingerie-styled apron and you crossed your feet, the thin material of your thong now damp. It seemed as though the atmosphere had completely changed in just a few seconds. You twirled around on your heels and spread your feet apart, ass jiggling lightly as you shook your hips from side to side. The sound of the heat turning on was the only noise made in the quiet home, that was until Erik was throwing off his beanie and moving to pull off his shirt.

“Uh-uh.” You turned back around, causing Erik to stop. When he took a step forward, you took one back. “Stoooooop. I’m serious.”

“I'm serious too! Shit. How you expect me to not touch you when you looking like that? Shaking ya ass like that?”

“Sounds like a personal problem. Now come eat.”

You made your way back to the table, heels clicking loudly again before a loud “Bruh!” bounced off the high walls. If he was mad now, he was going to be seething while he was at work because you had no plans of stopping your little teasing session once he got to work.

With a playful eye roll, you pulled out his chair and waited until he was seated to mess with him further. You didn't even bother asking for permission before you threw your leg over him and plopped down in his lap. One hand rested behind his neck, while your other went to work by popping open the syrup and drizzling it over his food. Waffles coated just the way he liked them, your finger caught the remnants of sweetness that dribbled down the side of the bottle and you made a show of circling your index finger with your tongue before sucking on it lightly, releasing with a pop once it was clean. You even went as far as cutting him a piece of the doughy goodness and holding the fork up to his mouth, his eyes set on yours and full lips opening. Light conversation was held between you two and Erik must've thought that you were distracted enough when he tried to by-pass your thong and finger his way between your cheeks.

"Stop being fresh."

After feeding him a few more bites, you left him on his own and got started on his lunchbox. Leftover salmon, rice and asparagus was the main course with a couple protein bars and granola as a light snack. He had been on his healthy tip for the past two weeks and trying to be supportive, you had joined him. That didn't mean you weren't hiding a pint of snickers ice cream behind the frozen fruit bags that were used for smoothies. It took you less than five minutes to pack everything up and just as you were about to grab his coconut water from the fridge, hands were trapping you against the counter and hips were pressing into you. 

"I thought I told you to stop being fresh."

He gave you one of his infamous 'i'm not really listening' grunts and peppered kisses along your neck, your hand cupping his cheek before your other one went racing between your thighs, catching his a bit too late. 

"Erik, you gotta finish eating."

"Whatchu think I'm trying to do?"

As much as you were trying to play it off, you really did want him to touch you and Erik knew that. He used his middle and ring finger to rub the front of your thong roughly, the force he was using making you back up against him, and you didn't dare stop him when he slipped his thick digits past the material. You felt him pause and smirked, turning to look back at him. A surprised curse left his lips as he looked back at you, a small grin forming as he started rubbing his fingers against your smooth skin. It seemed as though all the tears you shed on the message table was worth it. 

"Oh yeah, I'm bout to be eatin' good tonight."

"Please, you were gonna eat whatever I gave you."

"Shit, you right ... you right."

[jincherie]

florescence | ii

❀ — pairing: taehyung x reader x seokjin ❀ — genre: hybrid au, hybrid tae, hybrid jin, poly au, fluff, smut (future), angst ❀ — words: 6.8k+ ❀ — rating: sfw ❀ — warnings: more shy and blushing boys, maybe a little tugging of the heartstrings towards the end u know how it is ❀ — notes: another hybrid taejin update!! i decided to throw this up since I’m working on fox rain and aiming to have it out this weekend, but just in case I’d like to publish at least something,, you know??? anyway I hope you all like this part!! man was it a mess before i edited and fiddled with it fhbjfbjf please let me know if there are any sudden cut off sentences lol

Okay, so maybe you’re lonely, and maybe there is something missing in your life, a void that you maybe want to fill with a companion that may or may not be of human origin… You’re perfectly content not doing anything about it though, until your best friend calls you in desperate need for your help and you suddenly end up coming home with not one, but two hybrids that may or may not have been on the way to the chopping block had you not taken them in. They’re more than a little rough around the edges, and the situation is less than ideal but… maybe the best things don’t always come in perfect, shiny packages. Maybe they just need a little time to bloom.

— posted; 29.08.2019 // masterlist || prev. | next.

In the first three days at your home, the hybrids are… somewhat withdrawn. They don’t shun you or ignore you, but are notably wary in your presence, hesitant to act when around you. They’re both somewhat shy, Taehyung markedly more so than Seokjin, and while you long to talk to them and try and ease them into their new lifestyle a bit more, you try to hold yourself back and give them the space they need to adjust on their own. You know it takes time.

It’s hard, though, and at several times throughout the three days, you find yourself wondering—should they really be this shy?

You’re new, this situation is new, everything is new to them. Shyness is expected. You know that, but… you can’t help but feel something is off. Something doesn’t add up, and while you haven’t figured out exactly what yet, you’re keen to pinpoint it soon.

The first day they spent in your home, was essentially nothing more than a night since you really only brought them home that night. The next day though, the second day, the two hybrids wake early and spend hours wandering around and taking in every little scent and inspecting every item in your house, allowing themselves to grow as familiar as they can. You notice that they seem to take turns leading each other and choosing where to go, but they never part. You notice with spark of affection, that Taehyung grasps Seokjin’s sleeve out of habit as he follows him, gazing around with wide eyes and waddling behind him like a little duckling. When it is his turn to explore, he leads the other male with the same soft grip on his sleeve. You think it mustn’t be unusual since Seokjin doesn’t even bat a lash.

Other than exploring, the two hybrids seem content to nap and cuddle with each other, mostly on the bed in their room. It brings a smile to your face when you walk past and catch sight of them, Seokjin clutching Taehyung’s shirt in his sleep, and Taehyung hugging him like a stuffed toy. Taehyung is quiet, but Seokjin is letting out soft snores that, were he a feline hybrid, you might mistake for purrs.

When they wake, you ask them what they want for dinner tonight, and for the days coming, but even in this, they’re hesitant to voice their desires.

“Is there anything you really like?” you ask, pushing gently for an answer you can work with. “Any dish or type of food?”

“Uhm…” Seokjin blinks, eyes flicking from you to the ceiling, and then back to you. “I… It’s okay. We’re happy to eat whatever is being served. You d-don’t have to go out of your way to…”

“Seokjin, it’s not a bother,” you say, hoping to remind him that you chose to take them home. “I’m asking because I’m happy to make it, or buy it. Is there something you like?”

It takes a few pointed looks and verbal prompts before Seokjin finally admits his love for meat and ramen dishes. You also learn that Taehyung really likes healthy meals, with meat and vegetables, but he also likes desserts. Of course, it isn’t Taehyung that tells you this, but Seokjin. The russet-haired hybrid still refuses to talk to you. Deep down, you’re a little frustrated, and a little sad and hurt both at Taehyung’s silence and the distant, withdrawn behaviour of the two, but you know it’s unreasonable to feel that way. You understand that whatever experiences they have had in the lab aren’t ones that are easily forgotten in just one night. You can only hope that eventually they will allow themselves to open up a little more and will just bear with it in the meantime.

Later in the night, after eating the ramen you cooked up for the three of you, you plan to go sit with them and ask their opinions for some clothes, since you need to order them.  Currently they only have a few sets between them and to you, that’s unacceptable. You’d like to go out to an outlet or shopping centre with them to get them a wardrobe of things they like, but also know to wait until after they have settled in a bit more. Still, in the meantime they need some clothes to wear that aren’t plain white and almost threadbare. So after tucking away the last plate into the dishwasher and turning it on, you gather your laptop and turn towards their room—except you don’t get very far, barely even a step, before you stop in place.

The door is shut. It seems they’ve retreated for the night.

A little bummed but ultimately understanding, you call out a soft ‘goodnight’ and move to your own room. You think you hear Seokjin call softly back, and although you’re not sure, you’re willing to take what you can get.

Since they weren’t there to supervise your choices, you only buy them two outfits each. You know a few economic clothing sites that cater to hybrids, so the dent in your wallet isn’t too big—you know it will be when you eventually take them out for a big shop, though. If you start preparing yourself for the pain now, it will probably hurt a little less in the future.

Humming to yourself, you sit and browse for a little over an hour, sifting through the many tabs you opened so you’d have all your favourites in front of you. For Seokjin, you end up placing some dark jeans and loose pants, along with a grey hoodie with fluffy insides and a peachy light orange long-sleeved shirt, into your cart. You don’t have much basis for your decisions, except that you thought they would suit him and they weren’t too garish or out-there. When you choose Taehyung’s, it is a little harder if only because he’s a bit more difficult to read. You end up selecting some loose black pants and jeans, the same as Seokjin, and a soft-looking dark green button-up, as well as a fluffy hoodie. You have a feeling he’ll appreciate the comfort aspects more than anything. The sizes you chose were a bit of an in-the-moment guestimate, but hopefully they won’t be too far off the mark.

You bought them online, so you’re not really expecting them any time soon—you took time off work the night you brought the boys home so you don’t have to worry about the delivery coming when you’re not here. Well, that is, unless it’s incredibly late and comes in two week’s time or more. Hopefully it will arrive within the two weeks you took off, though. You don’t think you’d get away with asking for more time, even though your job isn’t all that traditional and it’s common knowledge that although each hybrid is different, they all need an adjustment period of sorts to settle into their new home and initiate and complete the bonding process. You’d managed to get two weeks without a problem, but you feel as though any longer than that would be pushing it.

Contrary to what you expected, the clothes actually arrive the very next morning. You’re fresh out of the shower, dressed for the day ahead, and entering the living room where the hybrids are curled tentatively on the couch, when you hear a decisively loud set of knocks. The two hybrids flinch, Seokjin almost falling off the cushion of the couch from the extent of his reaction. Biting your lip to hide your smile, since it was funny but also you don’t want to embarrass him, you make your way to the door and peek through the peephole before letting out a surprised noise and swinging it open right away, accidentally bumping the handle into the wall in your haste. Yikes, hopefully it didn’t dent.

“Miss—?!” Seokjin’s alarmed voice sounds from the living room, and you hear him scrambling from the couch and rushing over. You must have startled him by swinging the door open so quickly and making such a ruckus.

“Delivery for Miss y/n l/n?” It’s an elder gentleman at your door, dressed in the uniform of the company that usually delivers your packages. In his arms is a large box, the site you bought the clothes from last night displayed on the sticker.

“Oh, that’s me!” you smile at him, and he returns it kindly. You take the box from his hold, awkwardly shuffling it under one arm so that you can sign his little digital delivery pad. “Thank you very much!”

“No problem.” You receive another smile, and then the postman is nodding his head in farewell and returning down the path to wherever he parked his van.

Making sure to wait a moment to be polite, you close the door once he is far enough and direct your gaze to the box in your arms as you turn around. This is probably why you don’t see Seokjin and Taehyung straight away, and why you let out a short, startled scream as you look up and catch sight of them hovering closely. They jump in response to your scream, and you can’t help the sudden laugh that rises at the situation.

“Sorry! Sorry, didn’t mean to scream,” you say, trying to meet their eyes as you speak. You manage to catch Taehyung’s for a split second before he tears them away, his cheeks colouring slightly as he ducks his head. Well, you’re counting that as a little victory.

“Who… Who was that?” Seokjin asks, seeming torn between curiosity and concern as he tilts to peer at the door behind you.

“It was the postman,” you explain with a smile, holding out your hand for him to take on instinct as you move past him. He doesn’t notice it for a moment, but when he does he stiffens and his wide-eyes whip to your face. Realising what you’ve done, and somewhat embarrassed by how your hand was just hanging there, you retract it and turn back in the direction you’re walking, clearing your throat.  “He was delivering something I ordered. It came so quickly! I’m sorry if you were surprised, if I’d known it was coming today I would have told you ahead of time.”

“It’s okay…” Seokjin begins, his sentence trailing suddenly. You hear shuffling behind you as you continue into the kitchen, a whisper that sounded suspiciously like Seokjin brushing your ears. You reach the kitchen table and turn back just as Seokjin is pulling his head away from Taehyung’s, tall ears flicking. Seokjin’s dark eyes catch your own, teeth sinking into his lip for a moment as though he’s mulling over whether to voice this next thing or not. He seems to decide to voice whatever is on his mind, “Um, w-what did you order?”

“I’m glad you asked,” you say, smile warming. “It’s actually something for the two of you.”

They’re still for a moment as your words sink in, but the second they do the hybrids are perking up. Taehyung’s eyes have adopted a light glimmer, ears straight upright amongst his russet locks and betraying his interest. Seokjin is looking at you in a similar manner, except with much more shock displayed across his handsome features.

Grasping your keys, you use the pointy end to cut through the tape on the box, excited to give them their clothes so they’d have something that wasn’t plain and white to wear. You turn back to them, open box in your arms and a bright smile on your face.

“F-For us?” the charcoal-haired hybrid finally stutters, his fluffy tail whipping behind him and his ears tilting down slightly. You panic, smile dropping as you interpret his body language as upset. His hands come together, grasping each other. “You bought something f-for us?”

“Ah, yeah…” you bite your lip, eyes flicking between the two of them. “I bought you some clothes because you need them, and I was going to buy them with you but you were asleep so— I, uh, I’m sorry if this upsets you.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, before he turns his gaze to his friend and smacks him on the back. Seokjin jerks, gasping in realisation.  “Oh no, no please don’t be sorry! It’s… It’s just… well we haven’t really gotten anything like this before… Or, well, anything...”

It takes a moment for his words to sink in, and when they do you’re overcome with an overwhelming combination of anger at the injustice of it and sadness at the realisation that with the life they’ve had so far, of course such a situation would never arrive. Who, in a lab, is going to take the extra time to buy them personalised clothes and items? The answer is no one, and it saddens you. Well, you suppose, time for that to change.

“I see,” you say, mulling over how to say what you want next. You allow a cheeky smile to slide onto your lips “Well… this isn’t the only thing I plan on getting you, so you better get used to it quick.”

Both males’ cheeks burn bright at that, but you can tell that your words make the two of them happy. You nod your head towards the box still in your arms. “Well, do you want to see what I got you?”

Sharing a look, the two hybrids nod hastily before shyly coming up and peering into the cardboard box. The first item you can see on top is one of the pants, and you tell them to take them out, explaining what you got for each of them as they do.

Their eyes are bright and tails lashing in glee as they survey the bundle of clothes in their arms, despite how small it is. Seokjin asks if they can try them on, and when you answer, “of course!”, he is quick to grab Taehyung by the sleeve and drag him back to the room. From there, they try on both pants and shirts you bought for them.

Each time they come out to show the outfit, blushing but still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, you move closer to make sure each article fits properly, and that they’re not too tight or uncomfortable around parts like their tails. Both hybrids go completely pink when you ask and help them check that, the colour even going so far as to stain their necks. Ultimately, it seems your tiny haul was a good one. The pants all fit, and the shirts too—well, for the most part. Taehyung’s fit nicely, loose enough to be comfortable and breathable, but you’d overestimated sizing a little bit when you’d factored in Seokjin’s broad shoulders. The hoodie and shirt are a little oversized on him, but to your surprise he seems to like it like that. A soft smile curls at his lips as he looks down and wriggles the tips of his fingers where they’re visible peaking out of his sweater-paws.

Both hybrids are smiling, seeming content at their gifts, but still… you want to put to rest the niggling question in the back of your mind that asks, what if you messed up and they don’t actually like them? Clearing your throat, you catch the hybrids’ attention easily from where you are, leaning against the table.

“We’ll get more things for you to wear another day, but for now… I hope these are enough.” You rub the back of your neck, suddenly feeling a bit bashful. “Do you… do you like them?”

Seokjin blinks, before straightening and taking a few steps forward. “Yes! Yes I… I really like them. They’re soft, and comfy. They smell a little odd, but it’s just because they’re new!”

His answer makes you smile a little, a flush of affection washing over your chest at how cute he is. “Ah, I’m glad. I really—oh!”

You freeze in place, hands almost slipping from their grip on the table in surprise. You very suddenly register Taehyung very close to your face and feel the tip of his nose brush your cheek, making your heart stutter. His nose is soon replaced with a brief brush of something wet that drags quickly over your skin, leaving you reeling as Taehyung pulls back with crimson cheeks and takes one look at you before turning tail and scuttling back towards his room. He disappears around the corner, the sound of the door shutting softly greeting the air moments later. Both you and Seokjin stand in shock for a moment.

“Oh…” Seokjin seems bewildered, but something akin to cheekiness glimmers briefly in his dark eyes. You feel your face begin to flush with heat as the realisation sinks in that Taehyung just licked your cheek. “Uh… he likes them too.”

Unsure what to say to that, you merely let out a grunt. Well, certainly not how you expected this scenario to play out. You can’t deny the tiny spark of hope that has spawned in your chest, though. Time, you just need to give them time.

x     x     x     x     x     x     x

‘Guidebook for Subjects of Batch #2991

Subject: F1204— Kim Seokjin Additional DNA: Canidae—Vulpes Vulpes Approved for progression beyond laboratory?: Yes ☐  No ☒ Observations/reasoning: Unlike ‘littermates’, subject failed to demonstrate initiation of imprinting and bonding procedure despite ample fodder and presented opportunities—did not respond to attempts from Handlers to induce natural protocol. Unclear whether from inability or refusal. Subject is also only one from litter possessing mutated colour variant in animal DNA—presents as ‘silver fox’ rather than expected ‘red fox’. Subject meets all other aesthetic requirements and has been observed to play previously, however subject is shyer, more withdrawn than littermates and will not play with humans. Does not meet aims and requirements of batch for suitable companionship, cannot be moved forward in procedure. Not approved for next stage.’

‘Guidebook for Subjects of Batch #5991

Subject: D1230— Kim Taehyung Additional DNA: Canidae— Cuon Alpinus Approved for progression beyond laboratory?: Yes ☐  No ☒ Observations/reasoning: Demonstrates unwillingness/inability to initiate imprinting and bonding procedure when in optimal environment and presented with ideal cues. Completely contradictory to social nature of the animal this batch is spliced with (Dhole/Asiatic Wild Dog), subject presents as incredibly shy and withdrawn with marked refusal to speak when interacted with. Subject appears to get along with littermates however is observed to withdraw completely around handlers and other human figures. Testing reveals larynx and speech organs functioning within normal limits, however subject refuses to use them. Aesthetic requirements of batch are met. Subject demonstrates refusal/inability to bond with humans and incredibly shy and withdrawn countenance, and therefore does not meet requirements for ideal companionship of this batch overall. Subject not approved for progression to the next stage.’

-

Over the past few days, the two hybrids have begun slowly unfreezing and allowing themselves to grow a little closer to you, bit by bit. You’re not trying to complain—you’re overjoyed at the progress actually—but scrolling through your social media feeds and seeing your friends with their own hybrids makes you remember all the stories you’d heard from when they first got their hybrids, and when you compare them to your own…. You can’t deny how they don’t match up. You can tell that both hybrids are shy, but you’ve never heard of anyone else having a hybrid that was shy to this extent. You’re actually a little confused too, because as far as you know from what Seulgi has told you in the past, all hybrids are created with the inner drive and instinct to bond with their owner, or at least someone that is closest to them. It’s a process that is set in motion in the first few weeks of them living in their new home, and it’s a somewhat obvious process, for most hybrid species. The need for a bond usually overrides any shyness or hesitance the hybrid may have within the first few days, but you’ve not noticed anything like what you’ve read and heard the start of the process to be like in either Seokjin or Taehyung, who has steadfastly remained silent and has yet to speak to you or hold your gaze for more than three seconds at a time. You went to search on the internet, wanting to know whether it was normal for their hybrid types, but then you realised that you didn’t actually know what kind of hybrid they even were.

That was when you’d remembered that you have such a thing as their hybrid guidebooks, and you’d promptly upturned your room searching for wherever you’d left them.

The hybrid guidebooks, made by the lab and the workers who created them with the facts of their creation along with observations on them from conception onwards. It didn’t take you too long to find them, and as soon as you did you plopped down and dove in. It was already late and as far as you knew the hybrids in question had already headed to bed, so you felt safe to read them. It was only just now that you finished reading them, and in all honesty, you think you might be about to cry.

With each book, when you went to read the next page, you were shocked to find it completely blank. A quick flick through the remaining pages revealed very much the same thing. The book isn’t all that thick, but still you’re surprised at the magnitude of pages left untouched. Perhaps they are left there for you to make your own observations? Seulgi should have told you it would be as unhelpful as it is helpful. It takes you less than a minute to reread all the meagre information provided to you, your heart clenching and sinking in your chest.

Seokjin was deemed a failure because his animal features hadn’t been the same as the others in his batch and he was reserved around humans, and Taehyung’s extreme shyness had been his downfall— and because they were deemed a failure due to those “faults”, they’d almost been sent to their death just days ago.

You blink, feeling a stray tear slip from the corner of your eye and drip down your cheekbone. Rage and disgust fill you in a violent, roiling motion before it disappears and leaves an empty ache. That isn’t fair at all. It’s no fault of their own that they didn’t meet whatever ridiculous requirements the lab held for them, and it is completely and utterly unfair the life they’ve been given so far. You slam the booklets down on the bed, taking a moment to allow your remaining tears to fall and the sadness their profiles had elicited to settle. Once you’re sure you are a little calmer, you allow yourself to ponder the information you’ve learned.

As much as you dislike the implications of what you read, it does explain a lot—knowing their breeds helps a bit, and also explains the act of thanks Taehyung saw fit to bestow upon you when you gave him clothes, but you’re also somewhat relieved at the knowledge that the way they’re acting isn’t because of you, per se, but rather is part of their observed and already-existing behaviour before meeting you. Still, a part of you longs to get closer to them and begin easing down the walls they have up— but you suppose with their personalities it may take a while. You’re willing to wait and do what you can to ensure they’re happy and content in the meantime, but still… Your mind can’t help but come back to the parts that seemed to stick with you the most.

Refusal to initiate bonding process. The question lingers in your mind, but you aren’t sure if you want to know the answer— what happens if your hybrids never imprint or bond with you?

Something heavy presses over your chest at that, and you feel your lips tug down of their own accord. It’s probably better if you don’t worry about things like that so early on. They’ve only been here a few days, after all. Flicking your bedside light off, you settle back into the covers and resign yourself to finally going to sleep, even if it’s hours after you probably should have. You’ll sleep now, and when you wake in the morning you’re going to do your very best to make sure that these two hybrids have everything they want and need and that they feel comfortable and safe in your home.

And if you can manage to get even just a little bit closer to them, that’s a plus too.

x     +     x     +     x

You spend the next day researching more on hybrids and the animals they’re spliced with and amassing a long list of things that you think will probably help them grow more comfortable and feel more at home here with you. You also intend to stock up on food that you’ve noted they like, getting some extra things as treats. You don’t imagine they ever had the chance to try caramel popcorn at the laboratory. Initially you’d only intended to make a small list, but now the one you have scribbled down is pretty impressive with its size. Watching the money come out of your bank account is going to hurt, but you’ll make it back soon enough and you’d rather spend it on them than anything else. Still, you make sure to shorten it a little bit down to some ‘essentials’ that can be retrieved in one quick trip.

You don’t have to bother being sneaky with your researching, because the hybrids stay holed up in their room or bathing in the sun in small courtyard around your front door area—you note that Taehyung in particular seems to enjoy that, always appearing the picture perfect definition of ‘at peace’ whenever he curls into the hammock you have there and lets his eyes flutter closed. He still hasn’t spoken to you, and since you know that’s not exactly… unusual for him now that you’ve read his guidebook, you do your absolute best to let go of the tiny shreds of hurt you feel each time he withholds his voice from you.

Ever since you introduced your television and Netflix to Seokjin, his favourite place has become the plush black couch pressed in the corner of the living room where he proceeds to watch a number of things from cartoons to crappy soap operas to cooking shows. It is in these moments that his guard lowers and you catch him grinning openly, and part of you wants so badly to take the opportunity to talk to him a bit more but you can’t… bring yourself to. You don’t want to ruin and intrude upon the little bubble of comfort that he has built for himself here. You just have to be patient, and wait for that bubble to gradually expand and encompass you as well. No big deal, you can do it.

Still, even though you reassure yourself with those words you can’t help the tiny part of you that fears still—what if they never grow used to you? What if they never accept you, never let you in? The prospect of it is a bit gutting—these are now technically your hybrids, this was your one chance at finding a good companion and even if they never warm up to you, you can’t just give them away. You made a commitment, took a chance, and if it turns out that they don’t take to you then the cold reality is that your one chance will have been blown.

Suddenly deciding you’ve had enough of thoughts like that and need a breath of fresh air, you gather your list and grab your bag. You know that you’d be better off staying and spending time with them, since they’re not secure in their environment yet, but… you’re also torn between that and giving them more space to get habituated. You war with yourself for a while, but eventually come to the decision that you may as well go and get everything now while there is still enough time left in the day. You can zip in and out and be back before they even know you’re gone, you reason. A feeling in your gut tells you that you probably shouldn’t, but the urge to step out for a moment and get some things that potentially might make the hybrids happier is stronger than you can ignore and you find yourself scribbling a quick note to let the hybrids know where you are in case they actually notice you’re gone.

You pass Seokjin on the way to the door, and he spares you a brief glance that you take as the opportunity to flash him a smile. He flushes at once, instantly whipping his head back around to face the TV as he avoids your eyes in what seems to be embarrassment. You catch it as he curls further into the cushioning, hands gripping the soft orange material of his shirt and his fluffy speckled obsidian tail coming to curl over his lap. Smiling to yourself, you place the note in your hold onto the kitchen table as you pass and then slip quietly out of the house. Taehyung isn’t on the hammock so you presume he is in the room inside.

In the note you essentially told them you were stepping out for a bit, and not to worry because you’d be back soon. You don’t really think much of it and considering how aloof they’ve been overall, you assume they won’t even miss you while you’re gone. The most you expect is a brief thought wondering where you went.

It seems you are fated to be proven wrong, however. While you only meant to be gone for maybe an hour, an hour and a half, the trip itself for everything you have on the list takes a bit longer than intended. When you arrive home, your arms laden with bags, it’s getting to late afternoon and you’re surprised the second you step inside to find the two hybrids waiting anxiously by the door with wide eyes.

“Mistress!” Seokjin steps forward, and you presume it’s the alarm colouring his tone that causes him to forget what you told him the other day about calling you that. Taehyung trembles behind him, looking at you with big glossy eyes for a moment before darting forward and taking some of the bags from your hold wordlessly, ferrying them to the kitchen. You don’t doubt he’s still listening as Seokjin continues, a waver present in his smooth voice that makes your chest ache. “Wh-where did you go? Why did you go? Wh-what—”

You flounder, arms too full for you to comfort him as your instincts scream for you to. You panic when you see his eyes glossing, the first signs of tears beginning to gather at the corner. Heart lurching into your throat, you dart to the kitchen and deposit the bags by the bench before turning to comfort Seokjin—and nearly running straight into him as he’d been hot on your heels the second you moved.

“Oh, Seokjin,” you murmur as you take in the sudden crestfallen expression on his handsome features. The panic returns as you see the first fat tear roll down his cheek; you realise quickly that it’s something much more than a brief trip to the shops without them on your end that has him so worked up. Your hands fly to grasp his own, holding them gently—his fingers clutch back desperately. “Oh, Seokjin— hey, it’s okay. I’m so sorry. I left you a note so that you’d know—what’s wrong? Please tell me why you’re upset.”

The male had been holding it together somewhat before you spoke, but the second your words brush his ears he can no longer hold back his sniffles and the wobbling of his chin, his ears flattening almost completely against his head. You witness the conflict on his features, the way his arms twitch with the urge to take his hands back yet the way he also leans into your touch, shuffling closer unconsciously. You suspect he doesn’t know what he wants let alone what’s going on, and you feel even worse that he’s gotten so upset on your watch.

“Did you go to return us?” he asks, avoiding your question, voice clear despite its wobble and the sob that climbs his throat. He tears one hand away to rub at his eyes, sobbing into his shirt sleeve like he is ashamed that you’re seeing him like this. “D-did you go to see if you could t-take us ba-ack?!”

You can feel the horror distort your features as his words registered in your mind—did he think that? Did they both think that? You left them a note, you didn’t realise they’d… oh, god.

“Why would I want to return you, Seokjin?” you ask softly, meeting his eyes and aching at the heartbreak you find in their amber-hued depths. “Why would I want to take you back?”

He clenches his eyes shut, biting his lip to contain the whimpers climbing his throat, but to no avail. They all come spilling out when he opens his mouth to answer you, his shoulders curving as he curls in on himself slightly.

“Because we’re failures,” he sobs, lifting his arm to hide his face in his elbow again. Each word that slips from his mouth flings another shard of pain to pierce your heart. “We didn’t pass the requirements, we’re not fit to be c-hic-companions. I-If no one at the lab or at a shelter wants us, then why would you?”

You’re speechless for a moment as he cries into his arm, your eyes wide as you flounder for what to do, how to proceed. Fuck it all, you decide. You’re going to go with your instincts for once.

“Oh, Seokjin,” you coo sadly, tugging him to you by the hand; you release it once he’s close enough, slipping your arms around his waist and pulling him close. You rest your chin over his shoulder, guiding his head down to your neck. “Come here.”

He stiffens instantly, and you almost worry he’s going to tear out of your hold before he lets out another heaving sob and buries his face in your neck where it meets your shoulder, arms coming to clutch you desperately. You can feel his ear pressing against the side of your head as you coo, rubbing his back with one hand and using the other to card softly through the hair at the base of his neck. He absolutely melts into your arms.

“Seokjin, I didn’t go to return you, and I am so sorry for anything I did that led you to believe that.” You rest your head against his slightly, letting out a soft noise when he tightens his hold at the action. “I’m sorry for what happened to you before you came here, but please believe me when I say I’m going to do my best to make sure you feel safe, and happy, and loved here. I won’t ever return you, or Taehyung. You aren’t failures, you don’t fall short. You’re perfect and I’m glad I ended up with the opportunity to meet you. Okay?”

While your words did serve to comfort the male in your arms, they also made him sob that bit louder and harder into your shoulder. You turn, catching sight of Taehyung staring at you from the kitchen threshold with tears a split second from falling in his eyes and his bottom lip wobbling uncontrollably. You open your arm to him wordlessly and he doesn’t hesitate to dart forward and join Seokjin in clinging to your form, shoving his face into the other side of your neck. You hear him sniffling, can feel his chest wrack with sobs, but you don’t hear him wail as Seokjin does.

You do your best to soothe them both as much as possible, running your fingers through the hair at the back of their necks and rubbing over their broad backs. With Seokjin’s words from earlier, you realise that this whole time part of their distance has likely been due to the fact they thought you weren’t going to keep them. They were scared to get settled in and accept you, because if they did and then you turned them away, it would break their hearts. Your very first meeting you’d swooped in just in the nick of time to save them from a glorified execution, for crying out loud. You don’t doubt that the situation they’ve been in is one that led to a lot of feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness—you can kind of understand the thought pattern that can result, and once more the realisation of how they must be feeling truly saddens you.  

You guide them to the living room, easing onto the bigger couch that occupies the space, and the two of them waste no time in curling onto it next to you, very much still clinging to your form. Gradually, with many whispered assurances that you aren’t going to return them, they are here for good or as long as they want to be, you manage to soothe their sobbing until it is just the occasional hiccup and sniffle that pierces the air. From your position between them, caged in by their arms and the faces pressed to your neck still, you can see their ears flicking and shifting from the corner of your eyes and have to squash the urge that rises within you to pet and scratch them. Someone once told you it was considered rude to do so, and you try and keep that in mind as you do your best to refrain from giving in.

As you peer out the window and take note of the darkened skies, it is with regret that you begin to shift between them. Seokjin lets out a low whine, Taehyung silent but his grip tightening around you.

“Are you feeling better?” you ask, voice soft. It’s directed at both of them, although you’re only expecting one vocal answer.

“Yes,” Seokjin croaks, pulling away with a sniffle and averting his eyes. It seems his actions are finally catching up with him, along with the resulting embarrassment they appear to cause him. “Th-thank you m—y/n.”

You feel Taehyung nod against you, but contrary to what you expect him to do next he actually burrows his face deeper into your neck. It takes you a moment to think of why he does that instead of pulling away, when you feel the heat of his cheeks against your skin and realise he probably is also embarrassed and just doesn’t know how to act about it. You turn and press a kiss to his scalp, close to his ear, and pull Seokjin back to plant one on his forehead. He lets out a squeak, hand slapping to his forehead as he stares at you with impossibly wide amber eyes. Violent pink flushes his face and you almost stop and wonder if he’s actually okay for a moment.

“I’m glad,” you say, meeting the hybrid’s eyes so that he can see how serious you are. “I don’t intend on giving you back, Seokjin. Please tell me next time when you’re worried about such things—both of you—and I’ll do my best to make you feel better, okay?”

They both nod, Taehyung finally pulling away with burning cheeks and averted eyes. You can’t help the fond smile that slips onto your cheeks. Considering how embarrassed they are right now at the emotional mess they just were and how desperately they’re trying to reclaim the distance between you, you decide to let them off the hook and move on to the subject that always seemed to catch their attention.

“Alright, now that you’re both feeling a bit better—how about we make dinner? I got some snacks and there’s a movie I’m going to watch after, if you want you can join me.”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone’s face change from downtrodden to excited as quickly as theirs do. Laughing, you rise and drift to the kitchen with the two beautiful boys trailing after you, and go about showing them how much you care in one of the ways you’re best at. Dinner is made with them tending to every task you ask of them, and once the food is in your tummies and the table is cleared the three of you move to the couch, snacks in tow.

When the movie begins to get into the swing of things, you feel the two hybrids inch closer on the couch, and can’t help your smile. A part of you aches as you imagine how they must have felt earlier, but you can’t help but hope that from this point onwards, they’ll finally begin to warm up to you like you long for. You want them to feel safe and happy, like they deserve, and damn it if you won’t do everything in your power to make that a reality.

  masterlist || prev. | next.

p.s; please let me know what u think! and if u like this, please let me know by liking and/or reblogging!! it doesn’t seem like much, but I’ve been struggling with a bit of a low mood lately and tbh it’s the little things like seeing people enjoy my stuff that help keep me afloat 

if you’d like to support me, feel free to send me a kofi and aid my poor uni student ass :’) thank u for reading, ily!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #455

“but you didn’t have to cut me off  /  make it like it never happened and that we were nothing”

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? We're besties! :') Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? No. Would you get a lip piercing? I already have a vertical labret. I've considered getting spiked snakebites (they might be called devil bites?) too, though. With a vertical labret, it looks sick as FUCK. It might be a bit much too close together for me, though, idk. Nose piercing? I want my right nostril re-pierced. What are you currently waiting for? Girt to message me back. I've decided what I want out of our relationship and just want to see him. Do you have feelings for anyone? Hit me pretty hard through a lot of examination of my feelings that yeah, I do. Have you ever run over an animal? Oh my god no, I would be DESTROYED. Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? bro what the fuck When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? I do only out of expectation. I don't want someone to think I'm an ass or something for not saying it. When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? A few years ago for my niece's birthday. She was scared of how loud it was and was very reluctant to get near it, so my fat ass got in there with everyone else to show her it was fine lol. I can't remember if she eventually got in. She loves them now, though. :') Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? No, but thanks for the idea, ha ha. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. What is one food that you detest? Asparagus. Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Not really. What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic. Are you still that religion? GOD NO. Do you often find yourself questioning your future? That's my full-time job. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 124. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same I listen to now. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single rn, but usually, I go for "sweetie/sweetheart," "hunny," "love," "dear," stuff like that. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart. Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yes. What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. I was SO fuckin upset because it was on Sara's birthday and planned in secret, and I was supposed to wake her up. It still wound up being a big surprise to her when she walked into her room and I was chillin' at her desk, ha ha, but I still wish it coulda gone as originally planned. Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yes; they have a yappy-ass dog that doesn't shut up. I haven't met them. What color is your bedroom door? White. If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? This may sound very ungrateful, but I have heard A LOT of celebrities say it: it would get old, being stopped constantly in public for signatures, pictures, etc. Like yes, I still WOULD be grateful, but I'd miss just being off the radar and able to go outside carrying out chores and stuff like a normal person. Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? No. :( Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? Nah, not nowadays. Have you ever written a story? Yes, a kinda short one when I was little. Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? The breakup with Jason and the fact we're just strangers again. It was really short, but I like it a lot, honestly. Do you have a chance with the person you like right now? I think so. What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? A skeleton in my closet, lol. Literally. Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? alkdsjflakjwle yes In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? That '70s Show. 3rd Rock From the Sun is high up there, too. What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? HYPOTHETICALLY, two, but I'm pretty damn serious about having none. I just always feel kinda bad for children without a sibling, but three would make me pull my hair out. Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Yes. I overreact to even minor symptoms to ANYTHING. Are you comfortable with who you are? No. Pretty much everything about myself embarrasses me, even if it shouldn't. Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? Yes? Others' opinions don't affect how I feel about someone. Does popularity matter to you at all? No, outside of trying to be a successful photographer. Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? If they really wanted that and it would benefit them, yes. Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? I discovered them myself. Do you ever read fanfiction? Nah. Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Jesus. A plane crash, I guess, because in a lot of cases, it would be an immediate death. What are your top five favourite TV shows? Meerkat Manor, Fullmetal Alchemist (and Brotherhood; shut up, they go together), That '70s Show, Ginga Densetsu Weed, and Deadman Wonderland. What is your favorite superhero movie? Logan. If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Uhhhh idk... I guess maybe a heart attack? Judging by doctor appointments, my heart is just fine, but the fact still remains that I'm technically obese, so that's always a risk. Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Facebook, yes. It was just depressing me. I was playing the comparison game REAL hard. Who is the most talented person you know? I dunno. I know many people talented in a lot of areas. Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No. Where did you and your current interest go on your first date? Bowling. Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Jason and Juan pursued me at the same time. They'd known each other in the past, and Juan hated him for "winning" his ex-girlfriend. Then when Jason and I got together, Juan wasn't the happiest for sure. Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? Before I actually came out as bisexual, I don't think so? Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Mom is more open, but still conservative. I think. What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? I'm not in school. How far away does your closest family member live? I live with Mom. If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? I actually strongly prefer Tim Burton's. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yeah. I just want to be in a long-term, serious, healthy relationship to reach that point and be as safe as possible about it. Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal, but I do have some conservative beliefs, too. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I don't have one, given I never got into that franchise. What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Not a goddamn thing. What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Done "the thing." Name something that you are against. I'll go with an unconventional one that's a problem as of the late: making owning reptiles illegal. Why are you against it? Because reptiles are perfectly capable of being brilliant pets and, most importantly, can tame people's fears of them. I think that it's very important to see the worth and beauty in all animals, and reptiles are one of the most unappreciated families out there. :/ Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? I played some of either the first or second one. I could never beat it. Old games are hard, man. Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I absolutely believe that it can get to an extreme that I don't like, but for the most part, I don't mind a clingy partner because hey, I am too. Beatles or Rolling Stones? Stonessss. When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? It'd been on my mind for a while, but I *officially* realized that I really do like-like Girt a couple days ago. And since then it's gotten a bit hardcore and all I wanna do is talk to him bc fuck me and how attached to people I get. What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Every single time I go to the gym, I feel proud of myself because it REALLY takes a lot out of me. Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? Nope. I'm willing to be a shoulder to cry on for like... anyone. If you're hurting, talk to someone. I'll be there as an easy option. What was the last thing to fascinate you? It was... INCREDIBLY disturbing and almost nauseating even for me, but I saw a video of a dead whale explode. It was GRUESOME. Guts just kept coming and coming and coming and :x Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Hmmm... I'm sure there is, but what, it's not coming to me. Sudden, loud noises are an obvious answer. Do you have a favourite microorganism? ... No, I can't say I do. Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? Girt's, actually. It's in October. If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I actually had them as a kid. Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Ye. Have you ever owned chickens? No, but that'd be cool. Fresh eggs from a properly cared for chicken taste SO much better. When did you last listen to music? Currently. NOW I'm obsessed with Melodicka Bros & Violet Orlandi's cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." It's done in a gothic metal style and is amaaaazing.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

From Chin To Yon Rah (Chapter 35)

It was late winter, almost spring when she began to suspect and early spring when she knew for sure. The first flowers were beginning to peek through the snow and dot the meadow and the sky had been constantly threatening rain when the nausea began. And then came the fatigue and the cramps without blood. She thinks that she should have known for sure when spices became less tolerable and tears began to come easier.

She thinks that she may have been in some state of denial then. Truth be told, she was scared. She is still scared despite Hajime’s reassurances. She is a small woman and pregnancy isn’t easy on women with bigger builds. Moreover, the thought of sharing her body with another for nine months…

Truthfully she denied it until she couldn’t. She liked to pass nausea and food aversions off as allergies and aches and pains as the product of hard work with Ojihara. And emotional days were just her mind relapsing. With each excuse and brush off, Hajime would roll his eyes, “how many coincidences are going to happen before they aren’t coincidences?”

Apparently two more months worth. By early spring, her belly had swollen enough for her to know with certainty that she was going to bring a child into the world. Even then, she was still much redier to admit that she had put on several pounds before accepting that she was pregnant. That would have been less daunting. She could control that. But the baby quicked with the world around her. A life blossoming with the springtime daisies. She just hopes that it will treat the baby more kindly than it has treated her. Granted, the bar is low.

She sits in the grass and stares at her hands, a warm breeze caresses her cheeks and carries sweet fragrances to her nose. Sometimes, the smell of resin can be overwhelming these days.

She hears the padding of his feet before she sees Hajime drop down next to her. “Lemon tea?” He offers her a cup. “It’s fresh.”

She takes it in her hands. “Thank you.”

“How are you feeling?”

She holds her hand over the bump and stares off, she isn’t sure how to answer him. “Apprehensive.” She settles on. Though there is a very healthy tickle of hope and optimism. A strange sense of warmth.

“You’ll do great.” He hooks his hand around her torso. “You’re an amazing mother to Atsu.”

She nods, though that isn’t exactly what worries her. Sometimes it does, despite working well with Atsu. But mostly she is worried about the changes. The changes in her mood and body. She wasn’t ready for the ones that have happened already and she certainly isn’t ready for the larger ones to come. She doesn’t like sharing her body. She isn’t entirely pleased with how pregnancy looks on her either.

Hajime tucks her bangs behind her ears and kisses her cheeks. “Your hair is growing really fast now.” He remarks.

She hums to herself. She supposes that, that is one perk. She inspects her nails--another perk--they are longer as well. She takes a sip from her cup and leans back into Hajime. They watch the clouds until she drifts off.

The thoughts that follow her into her nap are rather kind. Decidedly, she will just have to get used to changes. She knows that Hajime will shower her with compliments regardless of whatever changes will happen to her. It is quite nice to have that sort of reassurance.

That day she learns that imperfections have a charm of their own.

.oOo.

Azula recognizes the man as soon as he enters the door. His stocky frame takes up much of the doorway and his ample eyebrows are pinched with dissatisfaction. His eyes meet hers and long enough for recognition of his own to set in.

“I’ve made something of myself.” She bites out before she can stop herself. Sokka massages her shoulders, it is perhaps the only thing that keeps Ji-Zhang from a vicious berating. To have manhandled and insulted her like that…

The man clears his throat. “Apologies, princess. I hadn’t recognized you. You were…”

She folds her arms. “I don’t have time for groveling, Ji-Zhang. What did you intrude for?”

He clears his throat a second time, “Quinn and I have questioned the slave trader, as per your request.”

“And?”

“He gave us some names and locations after some...ahem...pushing.” He waits for a verbal cue to continue and when she gives him none he cautiously and nervously continues, “the man’s name is Jitsung. He is a rogue soldier in the Earth Kingdom with a fondness for pillaging and trading his finds--both human and object--for Fire Nation wealth.”

The statement puts an ominous tickle in her belly, a deplorable sense of unease. “And where is he now?”

“He has been hiding out in Yon Rah but has moved to the outskirts of the capital.”

“You, Quinn, and a small team will accompany me to pay a visit to this Jitsung.”

“Of course, princess.” He dips his head.

“Dismissed.”

Ji-Zhang lingers in the doorway.

“Dismissed.” She repeats herself.

“I just thought that...we have captured a dangerous outlaw…”

“Are you expecting a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum of your job?” She quirks a brow. “Dismissed.”

The man swallows and retreats. She thinks that he is aware that he has pushed his luck too far. Granted, she isn’t sure that she would have actually done anything to the man anyhow. She doesn’t think that there is a point, really.

“That was kind of cold, Azula.” Sokka rubs the back of his head.

“You weren’t there, Sokka. You don’t know what he did to me…” but it was less about action and plenty more about words, “how he made me feel.”

“How did he make you feel.”

Insignificant. Useless. Foolish. Just the way father always had. She shrugs, “nothing particularly pleasant, Sokka.”

“You can talk about these things, you know that, right?”

“I am aware. But I don’t need to talk about it. It doesn’t bother me anyhow.”

Sokka quirks a brow, “if it doesn’t bother you anymore then…”

“I needed to remind Ji-Zhang of who he is talking to. Just so he doesn’t forget that disrespect won’t be tolerated.” She folds her arms across her chest.

And Sokka laughs, “if you say so.”

.oOo.

As it turns out, she doesn’t have to embark on a small journey away from the palace after all. Ji-Zhang and Quinn have taken it upon themselves to bring Jitsung to her. She supposes that this might earn the both of them the pat on the back that Ji-Zhang had been seeking.

“I’d like to speak alone with the man.”

“Alone? Princess…” Quinn protests.

She lifts a hand, “I’m not delicate, Quinn. Given that I’m well slept, fed, and hydrated, I can handle my own.”

“Of course, princess. We just don’t want anything to happen to…”

She cuts Ji-Zhang off too, “many things have already happened to me and you personally let several of them happen. What’s one more?”

Sokka gives her a little nudge. “C’mon Azula, I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“You knew who you were getting with. If you can’t handle this part of me…”

This time it is she who is interrupted. “That’s not what I meant. I know that you have this...this side but it usually only comes out when you’re upset.” He pauses to study her face and she swallows. “I don’t like seeing you upset, I like seeing you happy.”

She sighs, “I’m fine, Sokka. I’m just going to talk to the man.”

And she truly did plan on simply talking to him. If only she hadn’t seen his face. It is a face she has seen persistently in her nightmares. A face that appears in all of her darkest, cruelest fantasies.

And there is only fear, fear and a potent awareness when she looks him in his eyes--one vivid green and the other blind.

[timetoresurface]

pick up the pace (1) / park seongwha

PART ONE // PART TWO

Summary: You weren’t the type to go to college parties, but somehow you ended up at the most notorious frat of your campus. They threw the wildest parties, and were known to be the hottest fuckboys. Somehow you ended up with a crappy vampire who took an interest in you.

Genre: fluffy college au Pairing: Reader x Seonghwa Word count: 10k ( I honestly never know when to stop, and I have another 10k ready, my god )

A/N: I know nobody has asked for this fic, but why would I let that stop me? It’s a very slow fluffy college au thingy which is in contrast with the title, because I really don’t know how to pick up the pace. (one of my favourite songs of drowners, if you’re interested)

act one: “you don’t need to be stressed!” okay but consider this: i am

You picked up your hair into your usual, lazy, bun with half your hair out. You grabbed a cup of ramen noodles and poured some water into it, placing it in the microwave. You just had morning classes that followed with your afternoon job at the coffee shop. You quickly changed into your sweats, not caring about your appearance. You began to eat your noodles when your roommate Sana walked in. 

“Hey. How were your classes?” She asked you without any interest in her voice. She simply asked out of politeness. You guys were more roommates than friends, but it worked for both of you. She was more outgoing and didn’t really take school too seriously. You, on the other hand, were way too invested in your academics. 

“It sucked.” You told her with a mouthful of hot noodles. Why did you always buy the spicy ones? You weren’t really a fan of spicy things, but you were an idiot.

“How come?” She asked you while taking off her shoes. She hummed softly to a melody you didn’t know. She was always making up melody’s wherever she went. You did like that about her. It fits with her carefree personality. 

“Someone else is top of the class. Someone dethroned me, and I don’t even know who he is.” You explained to her, frustrated. You had been the best in your class ever since you started that class. That’s six months ago, why did Someone have to take your gold? Sound like a selfish guy. 

“What’s his name?”

“The teacher didn’t want to give me his name because it would spark my unhealthy competitive side.” You told her while rolling your eyes. Your competitiveness was your most charming side, or at least that’s what you thought. 

“How do you know it is a he?” She asked you.

“Mistake on her part, which she deeply regrets. There are more females in our class, and I can eliminate them all. How hard can it be to find that guy?” There was no way you were letting that guy win. It was your spot, and no one else deserved it, but you. You had worked your ass off to get an almost perfect score. And apparently almost perfect was still not enough to be the best. 

“I will start my mission next Monday.” You told her determined. Usually, people would get scared when you flashed them your crazy eyes, but Sana had gotten used to this side of you. 

“How was work?” She asked you again while rummaging through the fridge for some food. Both of you weren’t really cooks, so food had to be ordered in most of the time. You did have fruit in your fridge. You are kind of trying to be healthy, but most importantly, ready for summer.

“Terrible.” You sighed dramatically while falling on your shared sofa. You were one of the better actresses of your town. You did play the lead in one of your school plays, and it was the one with the best reviews. Not that you’re bragging or anything. 

“Everything okay?” She asked you with concern laced through her words. Sometimes you were more like a therapist and patient than roommates. She was 90% of the time taking on the therapist role, and she did it incredibly good as a psychology major. Sometimes you thought she used you secretly as a subject for her class, but you never really asked her if it was true or not. You rather not know.

“Yeah.” You mumbled softly, disappearing in your favourite blanket. You searched for the tv-remote, but Sana quickly took it before you could even locate the thing. 

“You sound like you need a night out.” She stated firmly while crossing her arms. She did this every month, trying to get you outside. You usually followed her, but you never really had any fun at her party’s. They were just too loud, and to be honest, drunk people scared the living shit out of you. One second they’re fresh and talking to you, and the next second they vomit all over the place. Drunk college boys were honestly the worst. You could deal with the girls, they were nice when they were drunk. 

“I need a night to catch up on some school work.” You reasoned with her, but she eyed you suspiciously. Why were you getting comfortable on the couch when you were planning to catch up on some homework? She always sees through your lazy ass. 

“It’s Friday?” She asked you loudly while simultaneously pulling the blanket from your body. You glared at her, but you didn’t protest. There is no way you can fight her in this state. She’s a strong-willed person, and you were far too weak today. She knew when to fight her battles. 

“Yes, it is. I respect you for knowing what day it is.” You deadpanned. Maybe she would leave you alone if you were a little bit more annoying than usual. It had never really worked.

“You’re young. You should be going out on a Friday night.” She said while throwing her arms in the air in disbelief. Or that was what she intended to do, you think. She wasn’t as great of an actor as you were. It really showed from time to time. You need to believe in your dramatics. The first rule of acting club. 

“Why?” You asked.

“Because you’re young?” She stated uncertain, her confident front wavering. 

“You already said that.” You had no intention to let her win easily. She would win you over eventually, but where is the fun in agreeing immediately? For all you knew, she could finally back down and let you live your fat ass in your favourite spot. 

“Because you deserve some fun.” She finally said after gathering her thoughts. And you actually agreed with her, that’s why you were ready to binge-watch something on Netflix. That’s something fun you deserved.

“I don’t really think parties are fun.” You told her honestly, but she did already know that information. Once she had forced you to go to a party where you ended up being kissed against your permission, and Someone had thrown up. It was the same guy. It most definitely wasn’t the best night of your life.

“It’s a small gathering.” She told you with pleading eyes. She knew you were not immune to her puppy eyes, and she liked to use is from time to time. She barely used it, so you knew tonight meant something important to her. Sometimes you’d like to be more friends than roommates. 

“I know when you’re lying. We’ve been roommates for far too long.” You told her while getting out of your spot to throw away your leftover food.

“No honestly, it’s going to be small. Last week was wild enough.” She explained while following you into the kitchen. 

“Define small?” You asked her with arms crossed.

“Just my friend group with a few extras like you.” She told you with a big smile. She noticed you weren’t really putting up a fight anymore, meaning you’d probably agree to whatever she had planned.

“That actually sounds nice. You know I don’t like big parties where I can’t dance freely.” You nodded your head, pretending to be rooted in thought when you had already agreed internally. 

“They will provide an extra dancing space just for you.” She told you happily, taking your arms to start dancing. You let her.

“Interesting.” You told her while moving a little to an imaginary beat as there was no music playing. You did like to dance at small gatherings. 

“You need to dress up.” She finally said after both of you danced freely for a couple of minutes. Sana is not really a dancer, but she was pretty so she didn’t really need to be able to dance.

“As what?” You asked her. She did get your attention with her final sentence. party’s where you had to dress up were the best in your opinion. No one knew you, and no one would bother you. You could just drink and dance in your reserved dancing spot.

“Something Halloween related.” She shrugged her shoulders, not really caring that it was a Halloween themed party in spring.

“Halloween? It’s may? Isn’t that a bit too late?” You asked her in disbelief. 

“Or too early. It depends on what your view on life is.” she shrugged again, and you couldn’t believe why she was so indifferent. 

“Why Halloween? I don’t really have anything scary hanging in my closet.” You pouted softly. It would have been nice if she had given you a heads up.

“I’m just going as a cat. You don’t have to put too much effort into your costume.” She tried to comfort you, but she had to know you better by now. You liked to plan ahead, and you wanted to plan your costumes. You were a simple kind of girl. 

“But that’s the fun part.” You dramatically stated, slapping your hand against your head as a special effect. 

“You’ll find something. Be ready in half an hour.” She ignored your dramatics. 

“But I still have to shower.” You yelled at her while she was walking toward her room to get ready.

“Better make use of these minutes you’re wasting by standing in the kitchen.” She laughed before slamming the door.

“You’re cruel.” You whispered while walking past her room to get your things.

“That I am.” She yelled, and both of you laughed. She did have a good hearing. She could’ve been a music major, but unfortunately for her did she have controlling parents who hated everything that was related to art. 

act two: i have feelings for u. not telling u which ones.

“I’ve got to say you do work better with a time limit.” Your roommate said when she saw your costume. It was nothing too extravagant, but it was all you could do in such a short period. “But I’ve got to ask you, why are you doing your make-up when your face will be covered?” She asked you while tilting her head, trying to figure you out. 

“If it gets too hot underneath my blanket, I still want to look presentable.” You told her matter of factly. Your costume was just a white blanket you had found in your closet. You had cut out a face, and voila. You’re a ghost. 

“Smart.” She said while putting on her shoes. Sana looked incredibly good, and her outfit told you it was going to be more party-minded than small gathering. It didn’t really matter anymore as you were almost ready to go. Sana had on a black dress that showed of everything she got to offer without it being slutty. She didn’t have a tail, but she did put on cat ears and painted her face to match the look. 

“You look good.” You complimented her when you finished your make-up. She blushed slightly, and you thought it was cute. She really wanted to look good for Someone, and you were going to figure out who it was. Sana doesn’t do dating or pining for a guy. This must be a first.

“You look incredible yourself.” She said when you were examining yourself in the mirror. You did look good. You also wore a simple black dress, but not as tight fitted as Sana’s. Yours was more the casual kind with a little twist. When you put on your blanket, it did look like you weren’t really wearing anything underneath, but it didn’t bother you. Sana had on high heels, but you weren’t that kind of girl. You did like heels, but you were a messy drunk, and you didn’t want to break your legs. You opted for simple white sneakers that matched your ghostly outfit. 

“We do look good.” You said out loud while exiting your apartment. Sana laughed softly while she was sipping from a cheap bottle of wine.

“Can I also have some?” You asked her uncertain. She didn’t really like to share her drinks. Not that you minded as you usually don’t try to drink too much when going out.

“You’re drinking tonight?” She asked you worried. 

“Yes, otherwise I’ll start thinking.” You explained to her, and she handed you the bottle. You took the bottle in both your hands and downed half the bottle in one go.

“I’m not carrying you home tonight.”

“I also don’t want you to carry me. I still have the bruise from last month when you decided to bridal style me.” You giggled already feeling the alcohol in your system.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.” She told you while putting her arm over your shoulders. “You’re going to be the cutest ghost at the party.”

“You’re going to be the cutest cat at the party.”

“I was going for sexy, but I’ll take it.”

The party was located just a little bit further away from your apartment. It was a frat house where all Sana’s friends were in. It was a shame it was only for boys; otherwise, Sana had already moved out of your shared apartment. When you arrived at the party, you were surprised that there was a line outside. It might have been one of the weirdest things you had ever seen. The sun was softly setting while a line of dressed-up cats and vampires were waiting outside a white picket fence house. 

“Sana! You made it.” San screamed, storming out of the house while wearing a tiger suit. Not very Halloween related, but he did look good in the onesie. Who were you kidding? He did look good in everything and anything. It’s unfair, really.

“Of course. Did you ever doubt me?” Sana smiled at San before hugging him.

“No, but I doubted Y/N.” San spoke, hugging you. You did like the fact he recognized you through your ridiculous blanket. You were flattered. 

“It has been five weeks, so I thought it was a good time to show my face again.” You joked, letting him go before it got too awkward for a friendly hug. 

“Have you been drinking?” He asked you while eying the two of you suspiciously. You looked Sana in the eyes before confirming his suspicion. 

“I’ll make you your favourite drink,” San told you while putting his arm over your shoulder, letting you inside. You felt the stares of some people on your back. Why was the hottest frat guy letting a ghost inside when there was a huge line waiting outside? A line filled with sexy cats.

“So, what’s going on?” San asked you while handing you a drink he had just mixed. It was a simple vodka orange, but you really liked the drink. You loved it when San made one for you. You loved it that he remembered what you wanted. 

“Nothing much.” You told him honestly. You wanted to shrug your shoulders but didn’t want to seem too pathetic. You did enjoy your life, maybe not to the fullest, but you did do fun stuff.

“Life is more than just existing, you know?” He told you. His eyes were scanning the crowd, and you felt him leaving you. This always happened when you went to these parties. He would be sweet and all over you at first, but when he noticed some fresh meat in his house, he would bolt. Not that anything was going on between the two of you, but you would like for something to be going on. 

“You sound like Sana.” You laughed, trying to get his attention back. Maybe you should’ve dressed up as a sexy vampire too. Perhaps he wouldn’t be scanning the crowd but examining your body.

“Maybe you should listen to her.” He told you after taking a long sip of whatever he was drinking. He liked his liquor strong, so it was probably something that should be mixed with a soft drink. 

“What’s up in your life?” You asked him softly. You hated how insecure you sounded when San was near. 

“We’ve been busy organizing this party, and I’ve been studying.” He told you, finally making eye contact. 

“You? Studying?” You asked him with a shocked expression, hiding the blush that was showing in your cheeks.

“Don’t be so surprised. I do study from time to time. I don’t want to be here forever.” He explained after taking another long sip from his cup. Something was going on with him tonight. He’s usually not drinking as much as he was doing now. He did plan this party, and when you organize something you probably shouldn’t be getting drunk.

“That’s not what you said three parties ago.” You joked.

“People change.” He commented, and boy did you hope he could change and recognize your potential. His eyes were fixed on other people again, a  very very sexy vampire to be more correct.

“They can change their habits, but you can not change your core.” You told him, trying to hide your disappointment. Maybe you should give up on San, and try to find a guy yourself in this place. But how could you when San looked so adorable in his tiger suit.

“That’s depressing.” He said monotonously. His head had already left your conversation, but his body was still present. 

“I’m a ghost. I’ve seen things, you know.” You tried to lighten the mood, but San wasn’t having it.

“I’m going to look around. See if people are not breaking our stuff.”

“Catch you later.” You told him while he was already out of earshot. He made a straight line to above mentioned sexy vampire, and you had to look away. It wasn’t always like this, you know. There was a time where you and San were kind of best friends. He would study with you in the library. Well, you studied while he was playing games. There was a time where you both went out for dinner and roamed the streets looking for something to do. And suddenly it all changed. He started to ignore you, but he always had an excuse, though. It’s around the same time where he began to fuck his way around campus, making him the number one single guy that girls wanted to tame. But you can’t really tame a tiger. You can change some of its habits, and you can learn it some tricks, but it will never lose its instinct. 

You quickly drowned your drink before making your way to the dance floor. There weren’t a lot of people dancing, but that’s how you like your dance floors. You love them to be empty, so you had space to move. You liked the fact that if you simply enjoyed yourself, other people also wanted to dance to get to your level of happiness. You started to make your way to the dance floor when Sana stopped you.

“Y/N! There you are.” She yelled, already looking a bit too tipsy. 

“Here I am.” You stated dryly because you really wanted to dance. You weren’t in the mood for talking.

“Please dance with me. The guy I like is here, and I want to show him what he’s missing.” She was slightly slurring, but it did make her look cute. It’s like everything in the world. If it was a bad look on anyone else, Sana made it work for her. She had this gift.

“You like someone?” You asked her with shock written all over your face. Sana doesn’t do dating. She does guys.

“Now is not the time for an explanation. Be my wing woman, please.” She begged you while dragging you to the open space. You followed her and started to dance. You threw your hands in the air and started to shake your whole body to the beat. You almost forgot Sana was dancing right beside you, but she was way too obvious. Her eyes were constantly scanning the crowd while she forgot to move to the rhythm. 

“Don’t be so obvious. Dance with me.” You whispered into her ear. You took hold of her hands and spun her around. She quickly forgot her worries and started to have fun with you. It only lasted for a couple of minutes before a guy made his way over to her. He had also brought a friend, but he didn’t really want to be here. You were actually quite sure he didn’t want to be here in this room. His friend was dancing, but he remained still. He did look good, but it was the kind of good-looking where he knew he was handsome. 

Sana and the fun guy started to dance together, leaving you alone with the statue. You tried not to care too much, but he was bringing down your vibe. But you couldn’t just go, you had promised to be Sana’s wing woman, and once you take an oath, you stick it out to the end. Or that’s what Rihanna says, and you always listen to Rihanna. 

“I’m Seonghwa.” The statue suddenly introduced himself to you. 

“Okay.” You told him trying to get into the rhythm of the music. 

“What’s your name.” He asked you, still not moving to the beat. 

“Casper, the friendly ghost.” The only reason you stayed in his orbit was so Sana could have some alone time with her man. 

“That’s a long name, and strangely related to your outfit.” He told you, but he didn’t seem amused. He didn’t really look like the type to smile. He looked more the brooding kind of person. Sitting in a dark room while plotting to kill his worst enemy. 

“You’re not even wearing an outfit.” You told him, eying him from his face to his feet, trying to understand the situation. He did have a beautiful body. He was dressed in all black, and you did like your guys to be covered in skinny jeans and leather jackets. 

“I have teeth to match the black outfit.” He told you. He must think the only remarkable feature of a vampire was the teeth. 

“I still don’t know what you’re supposed to be.” You played dumb. 

“A vampire.” He told you, rolling his eyes in the process. 

“Okay.” You told him trying to get into the rhythm of the music, again. It’s like he sucked all the fun out of the room with just his presence. There weren’t a lot of people who could do that, but he was the star.

“I’m getting a drink, would you like one?” He asked you after a couple minutes of silence. You quickly nodded your head, but he didn’t seem satisfied.

“What would you like?” He asked you annoyed. Since when do people ask what the other wants to drink. Just get them something. We’re all just trying to get drunk here.

“Anything is fine.” You told him, turning your back to him so you could finally start enjoying the music. You looked for Sana, but she was nowhere to be seen. Good for her, you thought. You did feel a little left out as all the girls were wearing something pretty, and you were covered in a blanket. Maybe you should stop caring what other people think, and finally enjoy yourself. You really did hate parties. They always made you feel like you weren’t part of anything. 

Finally, you were dancing. You were shaking your body while laughing, and it felt like you were all alone in the room. But the right kind of alone, where you’re satisfied with purely existing. That existing did get you worked up, and the blanket was soon too much for you to handle. You quickly threw the white sheet of your head and wrapped it around your waist. It felt like you could finally breathe. You wanted it to be like the smell of the air after rain, but it smelled like sweat and alcohol. Still, it was better than suffocating under your costume. 

Suddenly you felt some hands snaking around your waist, but you didn’t need to look up to know who it was. When San had a bit too much to drink, he would always come dancing with you. His hands would always find their way to your body, and you didn’t mind at all.

“You look really pretty tonight,” San whispered into your ear, leaving goosebumps all over your body. You turned around and were met with his hungry eyes. He’s never really showed you this side of him, but you were intrigued. 

“I’m sorry. Here’s your drink.” Seonghwa interrupted the moment. If you didn’t hate him already, you certainly did now. Why did he have to ruin such a perfect moment? San’s eyes quickly lit up when they landed on Seonghwa, and you couldn’t understand why? 

“Hi, Seonghwa,” San said happily. You didn’t know they actually knew each other, but apparently, they did. San knows everybody, and everybody knows San. That’s the golden rule of this place.

“Thanks.” You said before taking the drink that was offered to you. It was vodka mixed with something, and you were actually impressed he didn’t bring you beer or wine. 

“If you don’t like it the kitchen is over there,” Seonghwa told you while pointing towards the designated drink station. San laughed beside you, but you simply glared at him.

“I know. I’ve been here before.” You told him firmly. Who the hell was he?

“You have?” Seonghwa asked, not even trying to hide his shocked expression.

“It has been a while since you were here.” San entered the conversation, but you didn’t listen to him. Seonghwa has gotten under your skin, and you weren’t the type to back down. 

“Surprised?” You turned your body to Seonghwa while asking him.

“I would’ve recognized you if you were regular.” He simply stated, taking a sip from his red cup. There was a sparkle in his eyes and boy, did you hate that mischievous sparkle.

“Is that a compliment?” You asked him, eying him suspiciously. What was he trying to get out of this situation? He seemed to be rooted in thought, and it didn’t make him look smart if he had to think this long for such a simple question.

“You can take it as a compliment.” He finally said after a few seconds of silence. San was silently examining the two of you, but you were too busy to examine his expression. You simply scoffed at Seonghwa’s answer and made your way to the kitchen. His eyes followed you as you had hoped. You remained eye contact when you drained the whole drink in the sink. A small smile appeared on his face, and it did make him look 100% more attractive, but you tried to ignore it. 

“Why are you pouring out a perfectly good drink?” Someone asked you, and you recognized it to be one of Sana’s friends. You think his name was Yunho, but you weren’t sure.

“It wasn’t my taste.” You simply told him while pouring yourself a new drink. 

“Always a troublemaker.” He grinned. You silently took a sip of your drink while Yunho was eying you. Both of you stood there for a couple of minutes before Seonghwa made his way over to the kitchen.

“You should’ve told me you what you wanted.” He whispered into your ear, sending shivers over your body. You didn’t like the fact that he was having an effect on you. 

“Seonghwa. I didn’t think you would still be here. You usually bolt when the house is full.” Yunho exclaimed in surprise when Seonghwa was done annoying you. 

“I feel like staying a little longer tonight,” Seonghwa said with his eyes locked on you. 

“You guys want to dance?” Yunho asked both of you while softly moving out of the kitchen. You quickly nodded your head before following him. Yunho was a great dancer, and like you, didn’t really mind acting a bit weird on the dance floor. You felt Someone’s hands on your waist the moment you started dancing, but you didn’t care, thinking it was San again. After a couple of minutes, you noticed San kissing Someone else on the other side of the room, and you quickly turned around. In the end, sexy vampires always won.

“You.” You stated with venom in your voice. Seonghwa just shrugged, and kept his hands on your body, guiding you through the rhythm. He was actually a good dancer, and you were impressed. Why couldn’t he dance like this when you first met?

“I don’t mind making him jealous,” Seonghwa whispered into your ear, still moving your body with his hands. You couldn’t move on your own. Seeing San kiss somebody else always hurt. It wasn’t the first time you had seen it, but it still left a nasty taste in your mouth. 

“What?” You asked Seonghwa.

“Use me to make San jealous. Isn’t that the guy you like?” He told you with his hand cupping your face. 

“How?” You asked him, moving his hand off your face. It felt way too intimate with the way he looked at you. You barely knew the guy.

“You’re not very subtle.” He laughed softly, turning you around in his arms. Your back was now pressed against him while he kept moving your body to the beat. 

“What?” You asked him, moving your head to look up at him.

“You’re eyes light up when he’s near.” He explained in your ear, leaving you breathless for a moment.

“You’ve known me for five minutes, and you think you can read me?” You asked him, shocked. Who was he to understand your feelings? Even Sana didn’t know about your little unhealthy crush on the fine young man she called her friend.

“If you don’t want to use me, that’s fine.” Seonghwa said while removing his hands from your body. You immediately missed the warmth and turned around to face him again.

“No.” You said quickly, putting his hands on your waist again. This time you placed your hands around his neck and moved your body close enough for him to feel every curve. 

“That’s more like it.” His low voice was very close to your ear, surprising you. You looked at him, but he was already looking at you. His eyes softened a little bit, but you felt his hands scanning your body. Surprisingly, you didn’t mind Seonghwa touching you. It was oddly comforting and oddly familiar. 

“San is fucking weird for not wanting you. If a girl like you looked at me like that, I would do everything in my power to make her happy.” He said after dancing to a couple of songs. To be honest, you didn’t care what music they were playing. You were so lost in the presence of Seonghwa, you didn’t mind moving wrongly to the beat. 

“Is this a confession, Seonghwa?” You asked him softly while your hands were locked in his dark black hair. The moment you touched his hair, you didn’t want to let go. It was so soft, and this combined with his smell, made you lose a sense of what to do in situations like this. 

“Don’t flatter yourself too much.” He whispered into your ear, breaking eye contact. His lips softly brushed against your skin, leaving you shuddering in want. “But I think this is working.” He said while is hands started to explore your body again. He was close to your ass but seemed to hold himself back. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. He might seem a bit straightforward, but he didn’t want to make you feel awkward. He didn’t want to use you, and you felt grateful. 

“Thank you.” You whispered into his ear, and you felt him tensing up beneath you. He quickly tore his body of you, leaving you confused. 

“I’ll see you around.” He told you before leaving you alone on the dance floor, confused. Why did he go so suddenly? You were actually having fun with him. Did he really spend time with you just to make San jealous? Wasn’t he enjoying himself while dancing with you?

act three: *pats my own shoulder* it’s gonna be okay dumb bitch

“You’re home late.” You said when Sana entered your shared apartment the next morning. You couldn’t sleep due to alcohol and a boy named Seonghwa, so you were up early. “Or early. It kind of depends on your perspective.” You laughed when you saw her shocked expression. Her make-up was gone, and she had her shoes in hand. She looked like the definition of a walk of shame.

“Before you judge me. I didn’t do anything sexual. We actually talked all night and fell asleep. Wooyoung is a real gentleman.” She stated, trying to defend herself. Which she has never really done before. Usually, she would tell you about the guy’s penis and if he could work with it or not. 

“You still kissed him as your lipstick is smudged.” You laughed. She went to sit next to you on the couch while holding your hand. She had a lovesick look on her face, and it looked adorable on her. Any other girl would seem a bit pathetic, but as always Sana made it work.

“It wasn’t a sexual kiss. It was a passionate yet soft kiss.” She explained while hearts were flying out of her eyes. She was in love, and she couldn’t hide it any longer.

“You’re living the romantic comedy life. I’ve never seen you so soft.”

“Don’t get used to it.” She stated before walking to the bathroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts again. Your thoughts consisted of San kissing Someone else passionately, and Seonghwa leaving you alone on the dance floor when things were finally starting. He said it had worked to make San jealous, but you hadn’t seen San afterwards. He probably went to fuck that sexy vampire, so Seonghwa’s little game hadn’t worked in your opinion.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Sana asked coming out of the bathroom, freshly washed in her pink pyjamas. 

“Nothing.” You told her trying to hide the blush that crept over your face.

“Is it maybe the guy from last night?” She tried again, and you couldn’t hide your blush anymore.

“Do you know him?” You asked her uncertain. You never really talked about guys with Sana. She told you her stories, but you never really did. 

“Seonghwa? Everyone knows him.” She told you, turning on the tv. 

“That doesn’t sound good.” You told her trying to get more comfortable under your blanket. Sana put on something random about blind dating on Netflix, but you weren’t really paying attention.

“He’s a nice guy. He’s in the frat, but not really party-minded.” She told you, and you simply hummed in acknowledgement. That’s something you had already figured out. 

“I’m sorry if he bothered you,” Sana told you apologetically, but you quickly shook your head.

“It’s fine. It did give you some alone time with Wooyoung.” You told her finally looking at her, and you noticed her already looking at you. She was studying your face, but you put on your best poker face. 

“And I’m really thankful.” She told you before returning her attention to the large television. 

“He’s actually quite a playboy. Don’t worry too much about the things he might have said.” She started the conversation again you so desperately wanted to drop.

“He seemed like an asshole.” You told her earnestly. 

“Really?” She asked you, but you simply nodded your head again. She didn’t seem to know what to say after your remark. 

“I don’t want to go to work.” You told Sana after watching two episodes of the dating program. It had drained all the energy out of your body, and both of you hated the program, but couldn’t stop watching. That’s the problem with reality TV, but also the beauty of it. You could forget everything for a moment while you watched a TV show that reduced the cells in your brain.

“Don’t go.”

“I need the money to afford this apartment.” You whined before getting up from the comfortable couch. “Don’t you dare watch the other episodes without me.” You told her on your way to the bathroom to freshen up.

“I wouldn’t dare.” She laughed while continuing to watch the episode you told her not to watch without you. You didn’t really mind, though. You would’ve watched without her too if she was the one leaving. 

“What can I get you?” You asked the customer before you. He seemed to be in deep thought, but you were used to it. The place you worked had the weirdest coffee names in history, and people always took five minutes before deciding witch poison they would like. 

“I’d like a venomous teaser.” The customer told you uncertain, and you knew he wouldn’t be coming here again. Some people loved the weird names, and others would just like to order an americano without having to call it something else.  

“Coming right up.” You told him in your fake customer voice. He did seem to relax a bit more by your kindness. 

“Venomous teaser.” You called out, and the guy quickly took the drink you offered him and bolted straight through the door. You were left alone in the shop as there were no other employees or customers. 

At first, you hated being alone in a shop that wasn’t yours, but you grew to like it. You could choose the music. You could sing and dance to your heart’s delight. It was actually quite freeing. This could only happen on Saturday morning shifts as this was the moment no one really came in for a cup of coffee. Most students on campus were sleeping or recovering from last night. Professors weren’t seen during the weekends, probably spending their free time with their families. 

“Wow, you dance way better than you can sing.” Someone said out loud before entering the shop. You turned around, looking straight into the eyes of the main character of your thoughts.

“Hi San! What are you doing here?” You smiled. You always smiled when you saw San. He always looked good, and he always made you feel really good. Have you ever met someone who radiates warmth like the sun on a spring day? Well, to you, San was like a ray of sunshine, warming you up to your core.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He told you excitedly. 

“What can I get you?” You asked him when he didn’t elaborate more. You also didn’t know what to say. San hasn’t visited you for over two months. Why did he so suddenly enter the coffeeshop now?

“Whatever you think is worthy for my tiny hangover.” He smiled while leaning on the counter. He was dressed in comfortable clothing, but to you, he still looked like he just came from the catwalk. He once received an offer to model for some unknown company, but he refused. He was shyer back then. If Someone asked him today, he would probably accept. 

“Coming right up.” You told him while staring his drink. An iced coffee would be best for his upset stomach. Something that wasn’t too strong. He kept looking at you while you were making his drink, and you started to get uncomfortable. 

“So, you and Seonghwa?” San suddenly asked you, and you couldn’t hide the shock on your face. Had he seen you dancing with Seonghwa? Had he seen that your hands were curled into his hair while dancing rather seductively. 

“What about Seonghwa?” You asked him shyly. You couldn’t look him into the eyes. He could always see right through you after years of knowing each other.

“You seemed to like his presence.” He told you softly, and you couldn’t figure out what his issue was. Could he be jealous? Probably not. He’s not the type to get jealous, and you should’ve figured that out yesterday when Seonghwa suggested making San jealous.

“Not really. He’s kind of rude.” You told him honestly. Yes, you thought he was hot. That didn’t mean you thought highly of him. Your body and brain were two separate identities. 

“I’ve known Seonghwa for a while now. He usually doesn’t talk to someone he doesn’t know for that long.” San explained his thought process.

“Oh, we were both the chosen wingmen for our friends. Sana and Wooyoung are courting each other.” You told San while finishing up his drink.

“Oh.” Was the only thing he said.

“Here’s your drink.” You gave him his iced coffee, but he didn’t seem to care about the drink.

“So, you don’t like him?” He asked you again, making you frustrated. Why did he suddenly care about your life? 

“Why is this information so important to you?” You asked him with your annoyance barely hidden.

“Because you never like anyone.” He told you after taking a sip from the coffee. 

“How do you know? You only see me at parties. You don’t know what I do and don’t do outside of these events.” You readily blamed him. The first weeks were hard when he decided to ditch you for one night stands, but after a while, you got used to it thanks to Sana. But you still felt a bit mad toward him, even though he hadn’t actually done anything wrong. Everyone had the right to decide who could play an active part in their life, and San had decided you weren’t good enough anymore. That’s life, but you would’ve liked an explanation. 

“Is there anyone you like?” He asked you softly, trying to read your reaction. Luckily for you, you had mastered the art of the poker face.

“Again, why is this so important to you?” You asked him harshly. He dropped his shoulders before answering your question. He looked like a beaten dog, but you didn’t feel guilty. 

“Can I not care about my best friend?” He told you softly, trying to maintain the eye contact you decided to avoid. 

“We haven’t been best friends for months now.” You told him, turning your body to clean something imaginary. You heard him scoff before he left you alone. Maybe Seonghwa’s tactic had worked and did you actually make San jealous with your behaviour of last night.

act four: men are attractive only if they are completely and absolutely unattainable

Fuck. You were going to be late to class. You didn’t want the professor to think you were late due to not being the top of your class anymore. On the contrary, you wanted to show your dedication to the subject. You wanted to show her that you were way better than the other person that had dethroned you. 

“Hold the door.” You yelled through the hallway. The student who wanted to close the door looked startled by your loud voice. He didn’t close the door, so you were incredibly thankful.

“Thank you so so so much.” You told him while entering the classroom. The class hadn’t started yet, but everyone seemed to be present. You hated being one of the last ones to enter as your usual spot would be taken. You didn’t like sitting in the back as you couldn’t see the screen very well, but you also hated being in front because you thought everyone was looking at you. You decided to take a seat at the front as not too many people were there. You didn’t want to be distracted by other people who didn’t take this class seriously. They would just scroll through tinder or Instagram without taking notes, and you didn’t really want to be associated with any of that. 

“Look who we have here?” Someone spoke up when you had just finished taking out your iPad for note-taking. You turned around and were surprised to see Seonghwa. He wore the same kind of clothing like the last time you had seen him. Black and comfortable. He didn’t wear the vampire teeth today though.

“Seonghwa?” You asked, shocked. You had never seen the man in this class before. Well, you couldn’t really tell who was in your class, but you would’ve recognized Seonghwa. Or so you thought.

“Don’t be so surprised.” He said while taking the seat next to you. You felt everyone’s eyes on the two of you, but you tried to ignore it.

“What are you doing?” You asked him. A guy like him wasn’t the type of person to just sit casually next to you. 

“I’m taking this seat.” He stated before taking out his laptop. He probably just used it for playing games instead of taking notes. You hoped he would at least be quietly playing.

“Why?” You asked him again. Some girls changed their seats to sit closer to Seonghwa, and your point was proven. Someone like Seonghwa doesn’t just sit next to someone like you. Suddenly the front rows were filled with more people. 

“If you don’t want to sit next to me, just say so.” He told you not trying to hide his annoyance with you. Some people greeted him, but he seemed to ignore every one of his fangirls. Which they didn’t really take well. 

“It’s fine.” You ended the conversation. The teacher had just entered, and you hated to miss a moment of class because of a rowdy neighbour. 

“But please, keep your entourage quiet.” You ended the conversation.

“They’re not my friends.” He told you loudly, making some people turn their heads in surprise. 

“Do they know?” You asked him softly, not trying to make more people notice the two of you talking.

“Some people just want attention, and my attention you have to earn.” He quickly explained while simultaneously taking notes.

“I didn’t do anything to earn your attention.” You remarked, which resulted in him giving you a small smile. Your competitiveness ass liked the fact he had given you a smile and a response and didn’t even glance at the other girls trying to get recognition. 

“True. So be quiet. I’m trying to pay attention.” He told you, and you simply scoffed. You had asked him to be quiet first, but you couldn’t help but smile. 

It was challenging to listen to the teachers’ words when Seonghwa’s hands were distracting you. He kept typing on his laptop, and you quickly learned he was actually writing everything down what the teacher had said. He even added some remarks of himself. You were surprised to learn that Seonghwa was actually a good student. He lived in a frat house that threw the wildest parties on campus. He was apparently known as a semi fuck boy. And he wasn’t really nice at all. So yes, you were surprised he actually went to class, let alone take excellent notes you would want to copy.

“Is there anything you need?” He asked you after you stared at his hands for the tenth time under an hour. His hands were a perfect representation of his handsomeness. He’s slim, muscular with an almost perfectly symmetrical face. Everyone seemed to love him, they seem to be drawn to him. You noticed it with your friend San at the party. You see it here in the auditorium, where everyone seems to hang on his every word, and reciprocating his smile. If he wanted he could have more friends than days in a year, but somehow he sat next to you. Somehow he had kept by your side at the party, not wanting to interact with anyone else.

“No.” You quickly recovered your thoughts, taking a look at your almost blank note app. You sighed and returned your attention to the teacher. Seonghwa stopped typing for a while, giving you some space to get into the zone of note-taking. You felt his eyes on you, but you barely noticed his intense stare. 

Class was quickly over after you had found your rhythm again. You had ignored Seonghwa for the remainder and kept on taking notes like your life depended on it. It actually did, you really needed to be top of your class as this was the only lesson you could excel in. You needed to have an almost perfect average to get to your favourite internship. 

“Have you talked to San?” Seonghwa asked you when you were putting all your stuff in your bag. You looked up at him in surprise. He was all packed and ready to go but waited for you to follow him. 

“I’ve seen him.” You told him, speeding up your packing process. 

“And?” He asked you again, waiting for a more juicy story, but there wasn’t really one.

“I don’t really know him anymore.” You confessed to him. Apparently, Seonghwa was the only one you could talk about this stuff. You didn’t want to burden Sana with your crush on one of her friends. You also didn’t know many people outside of the frat house, which made talking about San a bit awkward.

“Well, I do, and I can say he was most definitely jealous. He has asked me hundredth of questions about you. He has never been interested in the girls I’ve danced with.” Seonghwa explained to you, but you were more interested in his girls.

“Do you dance with other girls? I thought you only took them upstairs?” You asked him while winking at him. He looked amused by your behaviour, and he suddenly changed into a more relaxed person.

“I was polite. He’s never been interested in the girls I hook up with.” He laughed while remaining eye contact. You had left the auditorium, walking toward the exit of the building. You didn’t have any other classes today, but your shift would start in an hour. You didn’t know if Seonghwa still had classes, but you didn’t ask. Not wanting the moment to end. It was nice to talk to someone.

“Because we didn’t hook up.” You told him, pointing at the two of you while simultaneously shaking your head.

“I don’t think San knows that.” Seonghwa told you, holding open the door for you. You thanked him softly before making your way outside. He could be nice if he wanted to apparently. 

“He was too busy shoving his tongue in another girl’s throat.” You said, stopping in front of the building you just exited. 

“I think if we continue what we started last Friday, we can make him realize he actually likes you too.” Seonghwa told you, shoving his hands in his pockets. How his big hands could fit into the tiny pockets of his skinny jeans was beyond you. 

“Why would you do that? What’s in it for you?” You asked him suspiciously. You mimicked his behaviour by hiding your hands in your hoodie.

“Maybe I could get rid of my fuck boy image.” He told you honestly, and you couldn’t hold in your laughter. Did he realize how ridiculous he sounded? A fuck boy could never get rid of his title. 

“But you are a fuck boy.” You told him a matter of factly, and you thought you saw hurt crossing over his eyes, but he quickly covered it up.

“I’m actually not a fuck boy, thank you very much.” He told you defensively. 

“What are you?” You asked him genuinely interested in his answer. Somehow you wanted to know more about the boy named Seonghwa. He’s just a walking contradiction, and not in a profound way. He just seemed to be someone who still hadn’t figured himself out. And that’s okay, not everyone knew what they wanted in life. Including you, but you felt like you were on a better track than Seonghwa.

“I always think I’m in love and realize too late that I’m actually not.” He told you while avoiding your eyes. It was weird to see Seonghwa so shy and vulnerable, but it did tickle your interest.

“Love isn’t for everyone, you know.” You told him softly. He looked up and his eyes connected with yours, both of you smiling. To other people, it might look like you two were something more than acquaintances. 

“That’s depressing.” He finally said, hiding his smile, but he couldn’t fool you anymore. 

“I never said I was good company.” You laughed while crossing your arms. You actually needed to go to your part-time job, but something was keeping you here. That thing being Seonghwa. 

“I never thought you were.” He said so quickly you almost believed him, but the look in his eyes told you he was just teasing you. Or at least, you hoped.

“That hurts. I thought you wanted to date me.” You said while pretending to be hurt by his words. You pouted while glaring at him, but he seemed unfazed.

“Fake dating.” He emphasized. 

“Potato, potato.” You shrugged. “As much as I like standing in front of buildings, I really need to go.” You told him while waving your hand, signalling you were leaving him.

“Wait.” He said a bit too loudly, making people turn their heads. You turned around, giving him a confused look. 

“I’ll walk you.” He explained while walking up to you.

“You don’t have to.” You told him softly with blushing cheeks.

“If we’re going to fake date, we’ve got to make it believable.” He told you determinately. 

“I actually don’t want to fake date.” You confessed silently, not wanting to hurt his feeling or anything. He seemed so pleased with the fake dating thing, but you really weren’t a fan.

“Am I not handsome enough for your high standards?” He joked, and your body finally relaxed. He didn’t seem like the type of person to push other people into doing something they were uncomfortable with.

“It’s not that, but I’ve read many stories and watched many movies. It’s never a good idea to fake date.” You explained.

“Are you scared you’ll fall in love with me?” He laughed while poking your side teasingly. You couldn’t control your laugh when his hands touched your side.

“I’m more scared that you’ll fall in love with me. You just confessed to me that you easily fall in love.” You told him when he had stopped attacking your sides.

“Touché.” He ended the conversation while maintaining his spot next to you. You were almost at the coffee shop you worked at, and you didn’t know what Seonghwa was going to do when you finally got to your destination. 

“Let’s be friends.” He suddenly spoke up. You stopped walking and just stared at him. Why would Someone like him want to be friends with someone like you? Like you had stated before if he wished he could have more friends than days in a year. 

“I don’t really take any applications at the moment, but I’ll consider if you’re worthy enough.” You told him, and you started walking again, leaving him behind. He quickly jogged to your side, not wanting to miss a moment of the conversation.

“How long will it take?” He asked you eagerly. 

“Usually two to five business days.” You shrugged, keeping your cool.

“Is there a way to speed up the process?” His question caught you off guard. Why was he so determined to be your friend? What game was he playing? 

“That’s something for you to figure out.” You told him, stopping in front of the coffee shop you worked at.

“Can I get a hint?” He pleaded with his eyes big and eager. You hadn’t seen him like this before, and your cold heart melted just a little bit. 

“I trust you can do this on your own.” You told him while opening the door. He followed you inside. “My shift starts in a couple of minutes. Are you planning to help out?” You asked him abruptly. 

“I could use a coffee.” He simply stated. 

“You can order there.” You pointed at the right spot to order where your coworker was playing on her phone.

“I’ll wait until you start working.” He said, and you looked puzzled by his words. “It gives me some time to think about what I want.” He explained quickly. You nodded your head and made your way to the back room. 

“Do you know Seonghwa?” The girl who’s shift was about to end asked you. You simply nodded your head, not wanting to draw too much attention to your blossoming friendship with the handsome man.

“Can you like introduce me to him? He’s just so damn dreamy.” She kept on talking while you were changing into your work clothes. You had never really spoken to her. Well, you had tried but she usually just ignored you. You didn’t really know what to do with this attention she was giving you. 

“I don’t really know him that well, to be honest.” You confessed to her, but she didn’t want to take no for an answer.

“I just tried to get him to order with me, but he was waiting until you started working. You seem to know each other pretty well to me.” She spat.

“He probably just needs some time to think. We don’t have the most basic orders here.” You tried to fight yourself out of the awkward situation. You put on your cap and made your way to the bar. Seonghwa’s face lit up once he noticed you in your work outfit.

“Never wear a cap again.” He joked, but you simply glared at him. You felt the eyes of your coworker on your back, but as always you tried to ignore them. 

“What can I get you?” You asked him politely, and he seemed taken aback by your change of attitude. 

“What can you recommend?” He asked you softly while looking at the menu over your head. You had carefully written the menu on the chalkboard a couple weeks ago. 

“I don’t know what you like.” You told him.

“I like something sweet.” He said while winking at you, and your heart almost combusted by his cuteness. Why was he doing these things to you? What did these things work on you?

“Okay, I can work with that.” You smiled softly at him while prepping his order. 

“Are you coming to the party this Friday?” He asked with his elbows propped on the bar while his head rested on his hands. Your coworker nearly choked on her drink, but Seonghwa ignored her presence altogether. 

“I usually don’t go for two weeks in a row.” You explained to him while giving him his iced coffee with some whipped cream. 

“But I’ll be there.” He pleaded with his adorable puppy eyes.

“You live there. I hope you’re there.” Was all you said.

“Isn’t that enough reason for you to come?” His lips formed into a pout, but you remained calm and unfazed by his actions. You never went out two weeks in a row, and Seonghwa wasn’t going to change your routine.

“I’ll be going.” Your coworker suddenly entered the conversation. You and Seonghwa both looked at her with questionable eyes. 

“See, you’ll have company.” You tried to cut through the awkward atmosphere that had formed.

“Do you know anyone to get in? It’s more like a private event this Friday.” Seonghwa quickly dismissed the girl’s self invitation. 

“I know you, maybe you can get me in?” She asked him seductively. You noticed she had popped open a button or two extra of her shirt. You rolled your eyes at her behaviour and noticed Seonghwa wasn’t affected by her tries at all.

“I’m already taking Y/N.” He told her off, turning his attention back to you. A small smile appeared on his face, but you quickly shook your head.

“Seonghwa, I already told you I’m not going.” You pleaded with him?. You really didn’t want to go.

“Please?” He asked you softly.

“No!” You practically yelled at him.

“For me?” His low voice making you doubt your persistence. Would it be so bad to go for two weeks in a row to a party? You were a good student. Everyone knew that.

“Why?” You challenged him.

“Because I enjoy your company.” He looked please by your question, noticing your wall crumbling down.

“Because I don’t open some extra buttons of my blouse when you’re near?” You asked him sarcastically, and you heard your coworker cough in the background. Served her right. Karma’s a bitch.

“I wouldn’t mind if you popped them open.” Seonghwa seductively said while winking at you, but you quickly covered your chest. 

“Seonghwa!” You yelled at him, but a smile showed him you weren’t mad at him for this dumb comment. 

“I’m sorry, but please, think about it. I’ll add your name to the list.” He told you, taking a drink of the cold beverage. 

“Two to five business days.” You simply told him.

“See ya!” He yelled out before exiting the coffee shop with his iced coffee in hand. Your eyes followed him out until he couldn’t be seen anymore. Your coworker left the shop while glaring at you, but you didn’t care. You were actually quite pleased with yourself for once.

[let-it-raines]

Something As Stupid As Jealousy and Queso (1/1)

Emma Swan is in love with her best friend. 

It’s the most cliché thing in the world, and she kind of hates herself for it. But she doesn’t hate Killian, not at all. And maybe, just maybe, if she focuses on her coursework and her finals she won’t have time to think about his stupid blue eyes or the way he makes her smile. 

Maybe, just maybe, she’s the biggest liar in the world. 

Rating: Mature (but just barely)

a/n: It’s the 15th, so it’s time for me to wish @carpedzem​ the happiest of birthdays! Nat is such a sweetheart, and she’s so talented! Like, if you haven’t seen her artwork, I encourage you to go check it out now. She’s been the most fun to get to know, and I hope this story is everything she wanted! I think I tried to get it all in there ❤️

Found on AO3 | Here |

-/-

“Hey, are you that – ”

“Yep,” Emma murmurs, picking up her pace and flicking her hand toward the guy who’s calling out to her. She doesn’t have time for this today. She’s got to fix a paragraph in her paper, which will inevitably lead to her changing the entire thing around, and she doesn’t want to be up until a minute before midnight turning it in at the actual last moment.

One and a half more semesters of this, and then she’s free.

Well, for a little while. She’s not exactly sure what her plans are yet for after she graduates. That’s the end goal here, but it’s also not something she can focus on right now.

Paper. She’s got to focus on her paper. One track mind and all that.

“Loved the episode last night,” someone else yells. She recognizes him. He’s in her Cross-cultural Prospective class, and now she’s going to have to hide away whenever they’re in lecture.

“Thanks,” Emma mumbles, flashing him a tight smile.

There are a few more comments thrown her way as she walks across campus, and after being told by some guy she’s never met that he would gladly have sex with her, she turns from main campus and walks an extra mile out of her way to get home without having to see anyone else.

She needs coffee.

And grilled cheese.

She also probably needs some water, but that’s a problem for another time.

Oh, Mexican food might be good tonight.

The moment Emma gets home, she kicks off her sneakers, leaving them strewn across the entryway, and drops her backpack to the ground before stalking into the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter. Mary Margaret must have gone grocery shopping this morning if they have fresh fruit.

As the coffee percolates and Emma bites into her apple, she pulls her phone out of the hidden pocket in her running pants and scrolls through her Instagram. She’s got her notifications turned off so she never sees anything unless she actually opens up her app. Things get too crazy otherwise.

@KillianJones33 mentioned you in his story.

Emma huffs, and clicks on the link until she’s opening up Killian’s story. It’s a video, and she immediately knows what it is.

The asshole.

“So,” Killian begins, “as you can see here is a perfectly clean house. However, if you look down at the floor, there’s a trail of shoes, specifically Emma Swan’s shoes that she has left in every room of this damn house….except for her bedroom.”

The camera flips around so she can see his face and the shit-eating grin he’s sporting. Why is he this way? He’s so damn dramatic about everything.

“Do you think publicly shaming her will make her pick her shoes up, or am I cursed to live like this forever?”

The coffee machine beeps behind her, and Emma tosses her half-eaten apple into the trash before grabbing a travel mug out of the cabinet and pouring it three fourths of the way to the top so she still has room for her creamer.  As soon as she’s got the creamer in and has the top firmly on, she starts walking out of the kitchen and through the living room until she’s turning the corner and walking up the stairs, kicking away a pair of her heels that she wore on a date last week. Killian’s door is closed, but she knows it’s not locked.

“You are an asshole,” Emma grumbles the moment she’s got the door open.

Killian’s sitting in his bed with his back resting against the headboard. His room is obnoxiously clean. It drives her crazy. All of his clothes are in his closet, his bed is made, and there’s absolutely nothing out of place. He claims it’s from being raised by a brother in the military, but she thinks he’d be this way no matter what.

This is probably why her shoe thing bothers him so much.

“Can you clarify why I’m an asshole, love? There are simply so many options.”

“Your video about my shoes.”

Killian clicks his tongue and raises his brow before returning to looking at his laptop, fingers tapping against the keyboard. “Your shoes are a menace. You have to pick them up.”

“Why would I do that when I have you?”

“Because I’m not your maid.”

“But you hate when things aren’t clean, so it drives you crazy enough that you clean it up.”

“Is that your entire goal? To drive me crazy.”

“Oh, absolutely.” Killian chuckles and keeps typing, and Emma takes the opportunity to walk over toward his bed and climb up on the mattress, settling down beside him and taking a sip of her coffee. Why is his bed so much more comfortable than hers? “Did you go to campus today?”

“Aye.” “Were you accosted by people?”

“I had seven different women ask me out on dates.” “Really?” Emma asks as her stomach flips.

He hums. “I haven’t even seen the episode, so I’m not sure what we did in it. Have you?”

“Nope, and I haven’t checked any other notifications besides yours.”

Killian clicks around on his computer, and Emma recognizes the program he uses to make the designs for the ship he’s working on. She has no idea how any of the engineering works on this program, but the artistic design looks nice. She can leave all of the engineering stuff up to Killian.

“Well, Swan, I say we watch it and see what our dear friends did to make us famous today.”

“If we have to. But if I hear something else about my brother’s sex life, I’m going to die.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“Just play the damn video.”

“Today,” David begins in his best on-camera voice, “we’re going to talk about arguments while in a relationship and how to deal with them. Now, Mary Margaret and I are no strangers to arguments.”

“I mean, I would say we don’t fight too much,” Mary Margaret adds in.

“Well, that’s not true, is it, honey?”

“It is true!”

“Last night we got into a fight over what to have for dinner.” “David, that was a disagreement over food. That was not a fight.”

“Yes, but we’re talking about disagreements as small as not being able to decide what to eat for dinner and as big as what would happen if you and your partner realize you have differing opinions on whether or not to have kids.”

“I still say disagreeing over food doesn’t count in our segment.” “That’s because we ended up having lasagna when you wanted lasagna.” David leans over to press his lips to Mary Margaret’s. “We can have chicken tacos tonight.”

The video has a quick transition before shifting over to Emma and Killian standing the kitchen as Emma stuffs half of a croissant in her mouth all at once while Killian presses a beer bottle to his lips.

“Oh my God,” Emma mumbles, “they’re literally arguing over whether or not they argue and then telling people they don’t argue.”

“I’m sure their audience is eating it up, love.”

“Oh, I know they are. It’s ridiculous. They’re all ridiculous.”

Killian snickers into his bottle and his eyes fall to the camera.

“People like watching them sweetly bicker, Swan. I mean, obviously. It’s how they get to live in this house. It’s how we get to live in this house.”

“Yeah, but you pay rent while I don’t.” “Which I believe is nepotism.” Emma rolls her eyes. “Technically, I’m not biologically related to either of them, so can it really be considered nepotism?”

“Aye, it can.”

“Emma? Killian? Can you settle this for us?”

They both groan, and Emma buries her face in Killian’s shoulder while Killian playfully tugs on her ponytail.

“You argue,” Killian answers, “but you rarely have a heated fight. It’s always calm and collected and very rarely does it last more than a few hours.”

“Except for the fight over the handles in the kitchen,” Emma mumbles.

“Swan, don’t bring that up!”

Emma pulls her forehead off Killian’s t-shirt and looks up at him. His brows quickly move across his forehead. “It’s true, though. I thought I was going to start having two Christmases.”

“You have two Christmases now.”

“Okay, well, three if we keep talking about tha handles. Mary Margaret’s, David’s, and yours.”

“It’ll be a damn fine time.”

“Emma,” David interrupts, “stop flirting with Killian and answer our question.”

“If that’s what you consider flirting, it’s amazing you ever got married.”

“Aw, but he’s so charming,” Mary Margaret sighs.

“Here we go,” Killian grumbles. “You got them started, and it’s never going to stop. What time is your first lecture today? Ten?”

“Yep. You want to give me a ride?”

He waggles his brows. “Why, Swan, I thought you’d never ask.”

Emma slaps his shoulder and reaches around him to grab his mug and take a sip of his coffee. “You’re an asshole.”

“I like to think I’m a scoundrel and a devilishly handsome one at that.”

“Shut up, KJ.”

“As you wish, milady.”

“All I wish is for us to get out of here.”

Killian pauses the video there before looking back over to her. “Are you interested in watching the rest or are we just going to assume they’ve imparted wisdom on their loyal YouTube followers on how to have a healthy argument?”

“Nah, I’ve heard enough of that for most of my life. I don’t need to hear it now. Plus there’s the risk of the whole sex life thing.”

“Really? Because I feel like maybe you could learn a lesson or two about having a healthy argument. I’ve been the recipient of one too many lashings from you.”

“Maybe if you weren’t an asshole and showed the world me being messy then we wouldn’t have this issue.”

Sighing, Killian leans over and presses his lips to her temple. “Just pick up your shoes, darling.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Emma gets up from his bed, knocking over a pillow before standing and tugging her leggings up. “I’ve got to work on my paper. You want to get dinner tonight? I’m thinking Mexican. I’ve been craving queso for about an hour now, and I have to have it.”

“Uh, yeah,” Killian starts, scratching his ear, “maybe another night. I’ve got a date tonight.”

Emma’s fingers loosen on her mug, and she has to quickly grab it before she drops it. “Wait, what?”

“I have a date. I told you I was asked out.”

“I had a guy tell me he would have sex with me, but I didn’t take him up on it. I thought you were joking about all the dates.”

“Twas not.” He flashes her a smile, all of his perfectly white teeth on display. “Good luck on your paper, Swan. You’ll be grand.”

“Thanks, KJ. Good luck on your date.”

“Darling, you know I don’t need luck when it comes to that.”

“Well, if your head keeps getting bigger, you might. Wouldn’t want you to not be able to fit in the restaurant.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Emma nods and turns on her heels until she’s walking out of Killian’s bedroom and heading back down the stairs. She needs to get her backpack and her laptop and start working, but the determination she felt on campus has melted away. She doesn’t honestly care about school right now, is definitely in the burnout stage of the semester when it’s only halfway through, and she desperately needs fall break. That’s just…three weeks away. She can do three weeks.

She can do this paper.

And prep for her internship interviews.

And pick up all her damn shoes.

-/-

“Emma, are you going to want some of this chicken?”

“No, Marg, I’m good.”

“Have you eaten today?”

“Mhm.”

“Have you eaten since noon?”

“Um.”

Mary Margaret sighs, and Emma knows that she’s eating dinner with Mary Margaret and David whether she likes it or not. She probably should. She had some cereal this morning and then maybe that apple and…shit, she really hasn’t eaten, has she?

“I had an apple?”

“Why are you saying that like it’s a question?”

“Because I very much feel like you’re my mom right now.”

“I am four years older than you. I am not your mom. We go out for drinks!”

“You’re also married to my brother, who likes to act like my wannabe dad, so it kind of factors in or whatever.”

“David,” Mary Margaret says, placing her hands on her hips, “can you believe that Emma thinks we act like parents?”

David turns from where he’s manning the stove. “Considering Emma only lived with my mom for three years and has lived with us for four years, I feel like maybe we do have that kind of parental thing going on. Just by having her longer and all.”

“That’s horrible logic. Also, I think she knows too much about our sex life for us to be parental figures.” “Oh my God, kill me now.”

“I still think Emma should be banned from watching those particular videos.”

“Well, it comes up pretty often. It’s not like we can tell her don’t watch from minute four to minute nine because we’re talking about sex.”

David hums. “Maybe we should do that. Less scarring that way.”

“I am famous online,” Emma sighs, falling back onto the couch and closing her laptop. She’s only got one more paragraph to edit on this damn paper, but she needs a break. She ended up changing the whole thing, and it was too much. “That’s all because of you guys. I could continue on in my anonymity if you guys didn’t have cameras all over this damn place and like to include me. I have been scarred enough. I don’t need more.”

“You said you were okay with that!” “I mean, I am, but – ”

The stairs creak, and before Emma knows it, Killian’s walking into the living room. He’s got on a pair of dark jeans and a gray button-down, his favored leather jacket tossed over it. It’s what he wears all the time and is not exactly something special, but his shirt is unbuttoned more than usual so that she can dark tufts of his chest hair and the silver of the chain he wears, his mom’s wedding band at the bottom.

Shit.

Emma sits up from where she’s stretched out on the couch and desperately tries to fix her hair while her stomach tightens and her throat is doing that stupid thing where it doesn’t let air pass through.

“Oh, you look nice, Killian,” Mary Margaret says. “Where are you off to?”

“I have a date.”

David drops the pan. “Date? You didn’t tell me about a date.”

“It was a last-minute thing, and last time I checked, you weren’t my keeper, Dave.”

“I don’t care about you dating. I care about the fact that I made food for four and now we’re going to have to put half of it in the fridge.”

Killian chuckles and shakes his head. His hair doesn’t move out of place. “I think you’ll survive. See you guys in the morning, aye?”

“You assuming you’re going to get lucky?”

Air. Emma needs air.

“I’m assuming you’re all going to be in bed before ten tonight, but if you want me to wake you up – ”

“I will murder you,” Mary Margaret growls.

“Noted.” Killian salutes them before nodding his head and walking toward the front door. “See you later. Swan, don’t let Mary Margaret murder me later.”

“I’ll try,” Emma hums before waving her hand, ushering Killian out the door.

Shit, shit, shit.

“Who is his date with?” Mary Margaret wonders.

“I’m not sure. Emma, do you know?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” she croaks, “some girl who asked him out after seeing him on the show.”

David’s brow raises. “Really? Women ask him out after the show? Because we include the two of you because our viewers think you have so much chemistry and should be dating. I’m surprised by that.”

If Emma could disappear into nothingness, she definitely would. She hates talking about the damn show already and definitely doesn’t want to talk about it when it comes to this. Killian gets asked out by all of campus while she has every guy she speaks to assume she’s dating him but still offer to fuck her.

It’s a curse.

It’s also not like it matters because Emma’s an idiot who is definitely in love with her best friend like some kind of giant cliché that David and Mary Margaret would include on their show.

“But good for Killian,” David continues as he turns the stove off. “I hope it works out for him. He’s had a rough go of it since Milah.”

Mary Margaret glances over toward Emma, pity in her eyes, and Emma has never loved and hated Mary Margaret as much as she does right now. Emma’s never said a word about Killian in the whole having feelings for him regard, but Mary Margaret knows.

She always does. Some kind of magic intuition with that one.

“David, sweetie, why don’t you set the table? Include a seat for Emma because she’s eating. I’ll finish preparing everything.”

David nods and kisses his wife’s cheek, effervescent smiles on both of their faces.

That’s them. It’s not perfect. That’s what they tell their viewers, and they mean it. But it’s pretty damn good, like some kind of realistic fairytale where you have to wake up the next day after riding off into the sunset.

At least you’re waking up with the person you love, though.

Dinner is fine. Well, it’s good. It really is. The food is delicious, and she genuinely enjoys spending time with David and Mary Margaret when there’s no talk of the show or school or anything else that she’s tired of hearing about. David starts laying out Christmas plans despite it only being October, and they try to figure out her dates to go spend time with Ruth as well as Killian’s family. She almost makes a quip about Killian having someone else to bring to his brother’s Christmas this year, but that would be beyond stupid and petty.

He’s going on a date. He goes on dates all the time. Hell, she does too. She went on one last week. They never amount to anything.

Besides, who is she to keep Killian from living a life that makes him happy?

David and Mary Margaret go to their room a little before nine after helping Emma finish up her paper, and Emma grabs a blanket out of the basket before stretching out on the living room couch and turning on the television to watch a movie. She doesn’t really care what’s on. She’s mostly looking at her phone anyways because she’s absolutely and totally pathetic.

This isn’t her. She’s not some girl who gets caught up in feelings and emotions and jealousy. She’s tougher than that. Hell, she lived most of her life in foster care, and none of that was pleasant. It was whoever was biggest and strongest winning, and she’s not about to go back to being someone who is weak. She’s not going back to being the girl who Neal took advantage of.

If anyone else were inside her head, they’d tell her she was being stupid with that thought process, but they’re not inside her head.

And they’re definitely not keeping her from scrolling through Killian’s Instagram feed.

He doesn’t post that much. He’s just not very into it, but last week they went to the beach, and he’s a sucker for posting a picture of the ocean. There are a few of those, several with Robin and Will, even more with Liam or David, and then there are the ones with her. Those are the ones she takes the most time to look at.

There’s a picture of her sitting under her favorite tree on campus. It’s shady and comfortable for her back and she likes to sit there to study so no one but Killian will bother her.

@KillianJones33: If she stays in this spot long enough, I believe she’ll become one with the tree.

Not his best caption, but they can’t all be winners.

There’s another of the two of them at the beach. Her cheeks are red and her skin tan while her hair is curling into its natural state. They look happy, cheek pressed against cheek, and if she does say so herself, her breasts look fantastic there. That bikini top is a miracle worker.

@KillianJones33: Jones and Swan are at it again, and by that, I mean there’s sand in some rather intimate places. I wonder if Emma will help me out with that later.

She keeps scrolling to picture after picture, the others mixing in with the ones of the two of them, but her eyes only focus on the certain ones. Her favorite, she thinks, is one that Liam took at Christmas last year. Her hair had looked fantastic that day, mostly thanks to the ribbon Elsa had tied in it and the magic of her curling wand, and that’s the first thing Emma notices before she looks at the fact that she’s kissing Killian’s cheek while he smirks down at her, the slightest bit of blush on his cheek.

This picture is framed in her room, but it’s nice to see it this way too.

@KillianJones33: Not pictured: the mistletoe.

PS: there was no mistletoe.

Have his captions always been this ridiculous? She guesses he can’t exactly write the dirty quips he usually says. Or, at least, write them to the full extent. He might get kicked off Instagram.

Her stomach churns, the chicken obviously coming back to haunt her, and Emma quickly exits out of the app. She almost goes back to look in his tagged photos to see if there’s anything new there, but she’s not going to be that desperate. Instead, she turns back to the TV and tries to pay attention to the movie and not her phone or the clock ticking away in the kitchen.

If she chugs an entire bottle of Nyquil, she should be able to fall asleep, right?

That totally isn’t a healthy idea.

Neither are most of the decisions she’s made tonight.

But hey, she’s finished with her paper, and she probably deserves to sleep through the night.

She obviously doesn’t fall asleep easily.

Emma’s on her second movie of the night when the front door clicks before it opens, Killian walking through soon after. She doesn’t want to see if he’s brought the girl home or hear about his night if he didn’t, so she pulls the blanket up over her face and turns toward the couch, trying as hard as she can to even out her breathing. Killian is far too observant for her to half-ass being asleep.

There’s only the sound of one pair of footsteps, though, and there’s no voices talking, so she breathes a little easier than she was. He walks around and steps into the kitchen, the fridge dinging when it’s opened, and then there’s a drawer pulled. She doesn’t really know what’s happening after that, and for a moment, she thinks about letting him know she’s awake. That idea quickly dies when she hears him come closer to her and then lean down until his scruff is brushing against her temple, quickly followed by the softness of his lips.

“Goodnight, love.”

And as quickly as he was there, he’s gone, walking up the stairs and disappearing to his room.

Her heart is beating unnaturally fast. This cannot be healthy. This should send her to the hospital or something.

Slowly, she turns on the couch until she sees a neon pink post-it note right in front of her.

Swan, the queso you wanted is in the fridge. I got a large, so I fully expect you to share it with me tomorrow. Saturday lunch date as a rain check for tonight?

Her cheeks flush, all of the blood in her body rushing there, and that can’t be good when her heart is still doing unnatural things.

He brought her queso.

She’ll forget that he only brought it to her because he was on a date with another woman. That’s not important.

Nope. Not at all.

-/-

She and Killian eat queso for breakfast, and neither of them bring up his date.

-/-

Midterms come and go all while Emma’s twenty-second birthday does the same. If she were to look back, it’d all be some kind of blur where her nose was constantly stuck in a book and the only time she got to breathe was when she was running at the gym with Ruby. But she knows that it wasn’t all that bad, that she mostly has a major case of being done with this whole school thing, and that there were good moments.

That there were also bad ones too.

But it’s fine. It’s good. She’s fine, and if she minds her own business, everything will be okay.

If only everyone else would do the same.

Mary Margaret and David keep putting out new episodes, which means Emma keeps getting stopped on campus and tagged in a million things online. It wouldn’t be a day in her life if she didn’t have some girl “literally screaming” over how cute she and Killian are.

The fact that comments like that solidify the stupid, stupid thoughts in Emma’s head really don’t help her.

But she ignores them, mostly, and keeps moving on with her life.

Killian keeps moving on with his life as well.

His schedule is mostly the same. He gets up and goes to the gym, usually dragging her along with him to meet Ruby before Emma even gets a chance to brush her teeth, and then they both head home to shower and get ready to go to class. Sometimes they see each other on campus to grab lunch, sometimes not, but all in all, things go on as normal.

Except for the fact that Killian misses dinner at least twice a week, if not more. She chalks it up to studying or working on a group project he has, which seems to be never ending. There are also the days where he’s gone doing the yard work he freelances from different neighborhoods around town. Yet, he’s mostly gone at night more than usual, and while he’s never been one to be shy about his dating life in the past, Emma can’t help but think that maybe something different is happening now with Belle.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the time that’s going to be different.

She could vomit.

He’s home tonight, though, and she really, desperately wishes that he wasn’t for once.

“So,” Mary Margaret starts, clapping her hands together, “we’re going to answer your questions tonight, and we’ve roped Emma and Killian into actually sitting down with us instead of standing in the kitchen talking behind our backs.”

“Can it really be behind your backs when you have cameras set up to record us?” Emma snarks.

“Those are behind the scenes secrets, Emma. Hush.”

Emma rolls her eyes, and makes the mistake of looking across from her to see that Killian is staring at her.

He doesn’t look away either, blue eyes peering into hers, and the moment his lips curl up into a smirk, she has to look away, focusing on David and Mary Margaret.

“Anyway,” David coughs, “you all submitted questions last week, so we’ll be going through them. First, from Cara G, we have ‘what would you do if you had feelings for someone you’re friends with but were unsure of how they felt?’”

Cara G has got to be kidding her.

This is the question they start with? And this is the episode where she has to give actual input? She would rather have to retake Organic Chemistry, and that was like legal torture she paid for.

“Tell them how you feel!” Mary Margaret gushes, bouncing up and down in her seat. “Love is such a wonderful thing, and you don’t want to regret what could have been.”

“Eh,” Killian coughs, scratching his ear. “It’s more complicated than that. Sometimes, I believe, you’d rather have the friendship and be content with that than risk mentioning you want to start a relationship and lose it all.”

“Do you really think you could lose it all though?”

“I think it depends,” Killian continues, grabbing onto his chain and absentmindedly toying with the ring. “Some people can move past that if their mate doesn’t feel the same way. Others would feel uncomfortable and run from that friendship. It’s not all black and white. It’s a million shades of gray, and if Cara’s friend is someone who is close, it might be traumatic to have to risk that friendship. Honesty is often the best policy, as Mary Margaret said, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. It can take time to build the courage.”

“I don’t think fifty shades of gray is our type of content, Jones,” David jokes.

“For all that I have to hear of your sex life, I think it might as well be. I said a million, not fifty. I know you’re rubbish at math, but there’s a bit of a difference.”

David and Killian keep bantering back and forth. It’s constant and a little petty, but eventually they do move onto other questions. Emma doesn’t hear most of them, though. Her heart is beating like a drum, and she can’t seem to focus. Killian had stared at her throughout his entire answer to the question, had barely blinked, and she couldn’t look away this time.

She can’t stop thinking about it.

Why would he do that? Why would he stare at her like that? Why the hell would that be the first question they answer? Couldn’t they have started off with something easy like good first date ideas?

This blog is the worst.

And she’s done with it.

-/-

Emma hasn’t slept more than four hours in two days.

That’s probably an exaggeration (it’s definitely an exaggeration), but that’s how she feels. She’s always thought people made too big of a deal about finals week, that it wasn’t actually as much torture as people make it out to be, and for the past three years, it hasn’t been. Hell, it wasn’t even that bad when she was working as a waitress at Granny’s and barely had time to breathe between classes.

This past week, however, has been awful.

Winter break can’t come soon enough.

(Is she always waiting for some kind of school break? Is that what her life is now?)

She hasn’t been able to focus. She looks at her notes, starts outlining and going into more detail, and then one page in she’s looking at her phone or getting up to go downstairs to get something to eat. She’s only got one final left, though, and she’s just got to power through it.

It would help if she couldn’t hear talking from Killian’s bedroom.

Belle is here, which shouldn’t be shocking, but it’s been so long since he brought someone home that Emma forgot he was capable of doing that. She has been unnaturally obsessing over his dating life for the past few months, but she forgot about this part.

It was always the worst.

And the girl he’s with is an absolute sweetheart too. She’s gorgeous and kind, and Emma is sure she’s smart. She doesn’t hate her, but she could do without this distraction when she’s waist-deep in notes for her final.

It goes on like that for the next few hours, Emma trying to study while the noise from the other room stays steady, but eventually, she hears his bedroom door open followed by footsteps leading down the stairs. It takes nearly everything in her not to get up and look out the window to see if Killian is leaving with Belle. She doesn’t though. She has the tiniest bit of self-respect left, and she really has to study. Passing is all she’s focused on right now.

(Or, at least, two percent of what she’s focusing on.)

(She’s such a liar.)

“Hey, Swan,” Killian says as he opens her bedroom door and walks in, “I am absolutely starving, and I was wondering if you want to get some Mexican. I can get it delivered if you want. I think queso is calling my name, and I know it’s always calling yours. It can power you through your last final.”

“No thanks.”

His brow arches. “No thanks? Who are you and what have you done with Emma? You always want queso.”

“Nothing,” she mumbles, looking away from him to her notes. “I’ve done nothing. I’m just not particularly interested in getting dinner with you.”

“Are you okay?”

That’s the question, isn’t it?

“Just peachy.”

“I know you’re not because you just said peachy, and I’ve never heard you use that phrase before.”

Emma rolls back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest. “Do you always do this?”

“Do I always do what?”

“Spend time with a girl, finish with her, and then decided ‘hey, maybe I’ll remember that Emma exists and ask her if she wants to get food?’”

His brows furrow as his arms cross over his chest. She definitely doesn’t pay attention to the way his sweatshirt clings to his arms. “Bloody hell. What are you talking about?”

“The queso! You brought me home queso because I said I’d wanted some, but you brought it home as takeout from your first date with Belle! Didn’t that piss Belle off? Doesn’t it piss her off that I live down the hall from you? Because I can’t seem to talk to a guy about you without him getting pissed off.”

She’s not making any sense. She knows she’s not. She just can’t seem to stop rambling and talking out of her ass. Seriously. This might be the dumbest, most confusing argument she’s ever picked.

She’s picked a hell of a lot of arguments, too.

“Ah, well.” He reaches up to scratch his scruff. “Belle and I went to Petite Violette, the French place downtown. I stopped and got you the queso on the way home. She didn’t know anything about it.” “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because you said you wanted it!”

“I don’t want pity queso! I don’t want to be an afterthought to the rest of your life!”

Killian groans as Emma stands from her chair and runs her hands through her hair, tugging at the strands. She’s crazy. She’s legitimately crazy. How the hell is she going to get out of this?

“It’s not pity queso, lass. Why do you insist on being so damn frustrating?”

Emma laughs before pointing to her chest. “Me? I’m the frustrating one? How the hell am I the frustrating one?”

Because she’s not making any sense.

“You’re making absolutely no sense right now! And because you can’t bloody see that I would rather eat queso on the couch with you than sit in nice restaurants with anyone else. I don’t want to keep going on dates when the woman I fancy lives five feet down the hallway and picks fights with me over cheese dip.”

Wait.

What?

What the hell?

“You absolutely asshole!” Emma reaches forward and pushes at his chest as her heart pounds. “You have a girlfriend. You can’t say shit like that when you have a girlfriend. Belle doesn’t deserve that.”

“Belle? You think Belle is my girlfriend?”

“Isn’t she?”

Killian’s chuckle is dark, and he turns around to thread his fingers into his hair before turning back around to look at her. “Belle is in the literature elective I’m in, and we decided we were better as friends. God, I can’t believe this is how we’re having this conversation. I just told you I fancied you, which is definitely understating it, and you thought I had a girlfriend. I’ve thought about telling you this for years, and we’re having it out over fucking queso dip.”

Emma has never felt so stupid.

And petty.

And like an absolute asshole.

It’s not Killian who is one. It’s her.

Yep. Definitely her.

She should really pick up her damn shoes.

In the back of her mind, Emma knows that she has several options here. She can either tell Killian she’s sorry and to forget about it, be an adult and actually hash whatever this is out, or she can take two steps forward and finally know how Killian’s lips feel on something other than her skin.

I don’t want to keep going on dates when the woman I fancy lives five feet down the hallway.

They can talk later.

Taking two steps forward, Emma wraps her arms around Killian’s neck, presses up on her toes, and then she kisses him.

She freaking kisses Killian Jones.

He’s mumbling something when their lips first touch, but she doesn’t hear it over the thundering of her heart. She doesn’t hear anything but Killian’s subtle gasp and the way that their bodies come together. He’s so solid. She knew that, but it’s different this way. Killian doesn’t move at first. His body and his lips are still, but then she’s being pulled even closer to him until she doesn’t know where she ends and he begins. She does, however, have acute awareness of the way that Killian’s left hand is on her lower back while his right is tangling into her hair until her entire body is shivering.

In the darkness of the night, usually after she and Killian have had a day spent together, she’s let herself imagine this as if it wasn’t something forbidden by her own heart.

She’s let herself imagine being as bold as the people who write into David and Mary Margaret’s blog, telling them of how they took that leap from friends to whatever this is.

Whatever this could be.

Killian pulls back from the kiss, and for half a second, Emma’s heart drops to her stomach. But then she’s blinking and looking up at Killian as he looks down at her, his fingers still toying with her hair.

“You’re absolutely impossible.”

“I think you kind of like that about me.”

“You’ve got no bloody idea how much I love you for that.”

And then his mouth is on hers again, slowly devouring her with the tenderness of the friend she’s known for three years and the fire of someone who is acting on feelings that he, too, was obviously harboring. Her mind briefly flashes back to two weeks ago, to the two of them answering questions for the show, and Killian saying something about not wanting to risk the friendship.

Sometimes it takes time to build the courage.

Or sometimes it takes Emma picking a fight over something as stupid as jealousy and queso.

She’s not sure if she’ll ever be able to eat Mexican food again.

She’s not entirely sure that she’ll ever be able to look Killian in the eyes again after this. Such a pity. She’s always loved his eyes.

“Emma,” he growls as her hands fall from his hair and move down his body, slipping underneath his sweatshirt until her fingers touch a thick patch of hair that she knows goes lower thanks to Killian’s penchant for not wearing a shirt. “I’m afraid that if your hands go any lower, I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“That was kind of the plan.”

He shakes his head, wonder in his smile. She imagines she’s got the same smile sketched across her lips.

“We’re talking after this, aye? Don’t think I’m going to let you brush past everything.”

“Don’t be like David and Mary Margaret.”

“Darling, you’ve practically got your hand down my pants. I’d rather you didn’t talk about your brother.”

Emma brings her bottom lip between her teeth and tugs on his jeans again. “Deal.”

He kisses her then, a building pressure mounting between her thighs and over her skin, and for all of the thoughts and reservations that should be building, there’s nothing in her mind but Killian and how good this feels.

How good it feels that this is with him.

How right.

Clothes are shed faster than she’s willing to admit, Killian’s mouth and fingers working wonders on her body before she can do the same to him. It’s wonderful and so damn satisfying while also being awkward and absolutely hysterical when it probably shouldn’t be. Emma has known she’s wanted this for longer than she’s willing to admit, but having your best friend be inside of you for the first time isn’t something that’s going to come without a little awkwardness.

It’s an awkwardness she’s grateful for.

Killian seems to be too because even with the sounds of skin moving against skin and moans that are a little too loud, his smile is so wide that he’s got crinkles around his eyes.

There’s something to be said about sleeping with your best friend, especially when he can easily slip between making a joke about a patch of unshaven hair on her thigh she hasn’t shaved before waxing poetic about how she feels wrapped around him. It’s foreign and familiar all at once, and Emma could get lost in the dichotomy of it all.

“If I fail my final tomorrow, I’m blaming you,” Emma pants out as Killian hits a particularly deep spot inside of her that is causing her breathing to be a little shallow.

“I’ll help you study when this is over.”

“That is true romance right there.”

Killian laughs as he dips his head down to run his lips over her jaw, inching over and over on her face until she’s swallowing both of their laughs with her kiss.

“I love you,” Emma whispers as her thighs tremble. “I wasn’t sure if that was clear or not.” Killian grunts and his thrusts falter before steadying as he stares down at her with those blue, blue eyes. She’s doing that thing where she can’t breathe again, but it’s in a good way this time.

“I love you, Emma. I feel like I always have even when you took my seat in Organic Chemistry.”

“It was totally worth it.”

“Aye, it was.”

This is weird and wonderful, and she wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else.

-/-

Killian does help her study for her final after all. He’s always been good at that, and tonight is no different. Except for the fact that his hand stays on the inside of her thigh, fingers trailing across her skin and teasing her, and they definitely get carried away once or twice and fall back into bed in between going over her notes and hashing out feelings. It’s pretty much her two least favorite things, but like everything else with Killian, it’s different.

Different is good. It’s what she needs.

-/-

She totally aces her final.

-/-

They get queso the next night to celebrate the ending of a semester and the beginning of some new, great things.

(Mary Margaret and David are totally going to have an entire episode about this, aren’t they?)

-/-

-/-

One-shot tag list: @therealstartraveller776​ @stahlop @shardminds @carpedzem @captainsjedi @galaxyzxstark @thejollyroger-writer @kmomof4 @tiganasummertree @xellewoods @idristardis @karenfrommisthaven @shireness-says @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @ultimiflos @jamif @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke  @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @spartanguard @snowbellewells​ @bluewildcatfanatic​

[nikkithomas]

Here’s the deal. I started having a lot of pain in my lower back, legs and hips. At first, I went to the chiropractor and he did some adjustments. I seriously felt so much better.

My regular doctor had prescribed some medicine for me for an unrelated thing and it made me so sick. I’d be so nauseous that I’d have to go get fresh air...walk it off...or even splash water on my face. That had been going on even when I was in Knoxville.

Aircheck had asked me to talk about my ACM trip to Vegas when we won in 2019. I’m sure there were people who thought it was funny or maybe even crass...but they asked what I thought or what was going through my head at that ceremony...and I think my answer was something to the effect of “I was trying not to throw up” or something like that. My stomach was on fire and I felt so dizzy. My face was all flushed and hot. I thought about going to the ER there in Vegas...but I was afraid I’d miss the reason I was there...to pick up the ACM for our station. I think it was win number seven for the station...as a PD it was my third...and it was still a pretty big deal. Honest to God, I didn’t want to let anyone down. I also wasn’t sure if it was food poisoning or something. When I got back to Knoxville, went to my doctor...they ran tests...gave me some medicine...and I thought that was the end of it. They still couldn’t figure out what was going on with me, though.

I left Knoxville and moved to the Tri Cities. Best decision I’ve made in years, by the way. I truly love these people. They’ve done a phenomenal job of protecting their product and their people and I believe that’s why this station is still so healthy when many other legendary stations have suffered. The stress level dropped substantially. It’s amazing what can be accomplished when the station and the people are a priority. Which by the way...XBQ has been so much like KAT Country. It’s been everything I love about radio and thought I’d never experience again. These people couldn’t be farther apart...yet be so much alike. It’s a good thing.

The main thing bothering me then...was my back and legs. Kept having some really nasty pain. The pain was so intense sometimes that it made me nauseous. My face was flushed...I had a fever...then I didn’t have one. Maybe it was my weight? I was getting up to pee a lot at night. Only sleeping one or two hours in a stretch. It was all these things that I never put together.

I wanted to get healthy. Told my doctor I wasn’t going to take that medicine that made me feel so bad...just in case that was the problem. My endocrinologist was cool with that. I started the keto diet. Actually...I did keto up until right before Thanksgiving.

I was so happy. My thyroid is absolutely hateful...so losing weight is the hardest thing to do it seems. On keto...I dropped over 30 pounds. Wow! I thought that was great!! Everything felt better. My energy levels were up. I’d get up at 4am and wouldn’t stop until 11pm...and everything was good...until my hip, back and legs started hurting again. It was so bad one morning that the guys I work with called chiropractors for me. It was awful.

The pain had never really stopped...but at a certain point you just get used to the pain and move on as best you can. That’s what I did up until a few weeks ago. If you know me, you know that I love Toys For Tots, St Jude, Second Harvest, etc. We were out with the marines working on Toys For Tots and I ended up having to miss one day because I hurt so bad. Now for me...that’s bad.

It never let up. I’ve just pushed through and tried to “suck it up” since then. That was a couple of weeks before Christmas. Y’all I seriously thought it might be psychosomatic. Maybe it was all in my head. If it hurt...I’d try to stretch or move and work it out of my body...but that NEVER worked.

So...I go back to the chiropractor. Those guys were so good to me. They can electrocute me anytime they want. (All hail the TENS unit!!) That seemed to be working...and then we had a little bit of a COVID scare at work...(everyone is okay, thank goodness). Around that time...I was running a fever off and on. Low grade. There were some other things that weren’t feeling quite right...so...just to be safe...I got another COVID test and quarantined. Still...I felt like I was ALWAYS in pain. Sometimes it was so bad...I couldn’t move or do anything in any way to make it stop. It made me want to cry. It was embarrassing. It was frustrating because I couldn’t get it to let up. It got so bad that last Saturday I drove myself to the ER to get checked out.

Urgent Care said they couldn’t help because I needed “imaging”. Well...I got that imaging done folks. Turns out...I have a scary mass on my right ovary. It’s pretty huge.

I went in Saturday night...terrified of being around sick people...but it had to be done. The pain was so intense...that my blood pressure shot sky high...and my nose starting bleeding. The doctor ordered morphine, Norco and a CT scan.

The guy doing the scan was a travel nurse. He went from being pretty chatty to sort of quiet and reserved after the test. When they injected the dye into me...he was telling me it would hurt...and it was nothing compared to what I was feeling.

I woke up two hours after the scan to the doctor on call sitting next to my bed and looking sorta weird at me. She told me they’d received my test results and everything I’d said was right on the money.

The burning, pressure, aching, tension...all of it...was related to what she referred to as “not the biggest mass” she’d ever seen...but “one of the largest”. She was surprised I’d been walking around with this thing in me for God knows how long.

Now here’s where the story goes off the rails.

That doctor at Ballad mentioned the word “cancer” about nine times in that room. That was the “suspected” diagnosis. She said I needed to follow up and see another doctor because of what could be “cancer”...and told me they’d have to see if it had spread anywhere.

Now...that was a LOT to take in. So...I did what any other person with an iPhone, an unlimited data plan and tons of morphine in their system would do...I looked that crap up on “Dr Internet”.

The next time a nurse came in...I asked her...”Umm did you guys do a CA 125 test?”

That same poor sweet nurse, who would go on to blow a vein...and push the medicine through the IV into my skin, thereby causing a monster of a bruise and making my vein get rock hard...she said in this really hushed tone...”I don’t know...I’ll ask. I saw your report. I’m so sorry.”

At this point...I’m facing my mortality. I just wanted out of there. I wanted this damn thing out of me...I wanted answers...I wanted everything to be okay.

I still want everything to be okay.

By the way...she never came back in with the answer to that CA 125 test question. So I took that as a hard “no”...or “they did it and don’t want to tell me”.

Monday I was back in the ER. Doubled over, in tears.

The doctor ordered pain medicine...that never came in the four hours I was there. That was NOT a fun time. The nurses just let me sit there. To her credit...the doctor was pretty furious when she found out they’d ignored her orders. Once again...this other doctor looks at me and says...”You know they think this is cancer?”

No. Still no test...but she made an appointment for me with a local oncologist.

Now...that CA 125 antigen test is not infallible, nor is it the end-all-be-all test for ovarian cancer. It is a marker though specifically for ovarian cancer.

So if they’re telling you that you have a massive tumor and it could be cancer...(two doctors over two visits..the word has been dropped about a dozen times...it’s also in the CT report...you’d think someone would bust out a needle...draw the blood...see what that looks like...and get you in the right frame of mind in case it is this horrible bastard of a disease!! Right? Wrong.)

The mass at the time was 10.3cm x 10.3cm x 7.1cm.

The oncologist couldn’t see me for a week...the gynecologist couldn’t see me until February 1st.

Yeah. No big hurry. I’m just having trouble walking. I’m in tears. I’m peeing...like a teaspoon at a time. I know that’s graphic...but if you don’t pee...you need to get checked. I felt like I was (and still feel, by the way) in the middle of a massive labor pain that wouldn’t ease off. It’s pain that makes you want to throw up sometimes. It’s super intense.

I went home that second time...sat down in my room...and I couldn’t help but tear up. I’ve cried two and a half times over the “state of things” since this started. Those are the “what am I going to do” tears...totally different from the “oh Lord this hurts like hell...dear God make it stop” tears.

Talked to our friend Eric who told me it was a shame I didn’t live in Nashville...because I could probably call Vanderbilt and be seen pretty quickly. Eric...was right. I’m three hours from Vanderbilt...but only an hour or so from Knoxville.

I called UT. (Go Vols!) That football situation isn’t ideal...but that hospital ain’t half bad.

Within less than an hour...the head Oncologist had looked over my CT scan and was working to get me in there ASAP. They’d have taken me that day...but it was too late in the day and I’d never make it down there in time. So...they scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Before I walked out of the room that morning...they told me they were going to operate and get this out of me by Monday at the very latest. The schedule was full...so they needed to check on a few things before I left the hospital...just in case there was torsion or whatever.

I had a CA 125 test. That looked good from what I understand but my CT scan and sonogram looked sketchy. The mass appeared to be even larger since Saturday?!? (It showed up as being 12.6cm x 13.3cm x 8.3cm) They gave me a COVID test and told me to self isolate until my surgery...which is scheduled for tomorrow.

It was upon learning how much larger this thing had become...that I named it...”Larry King”.

I don’t know why...but that seemed to be the name that fit whatever this thing is inside me. In my mind...it looks like Larry King...holding two shot glasses. One shot glass is filled with Dewar’s...the other is filled with Metamucil. He has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth...but I don’t know if he’s a “smoker” yet.

If it officially comes back as cancer...I’ll let you know. If it doesn’t...I’ll let you know that, too.

I’m not writing this for pity or attention...on the contrary. It’s all a lot for me to take in...and I’m just not sure how to process it all. Writing it out sort of helps.

In the middle of all of this over the past week...Tom Starr passed away. He was such a sweet man. There’s a picture that he took of us at CRS...it’s me...Tom...Lisa McKay and Heather Davis. I think Heather wrote a caption that said something like “it’s so hard to believe half of the people in this picture are gone”.

That was pretty heavy.

I’m still trying to process that actually. I thought the world of Tom, loved Lisa McKay (she got me when so many others didn’t)...and just to the left...there I was. I felt like a jerk for even taking a moment to feel bad for myself. There are so many other people who have it so much worse than I do. And what if there’s nothing to this thing? What if it’s just some sort freak thing? There are so many people who’ve fought so hard and powered through so much and here I am...maybe worried for nothing...getting ready to have surgery...and it feels wrong to worry about myself. Whatever is done is done and I’ll fight whatever I need to fight. If it’s not cancer (oh God please let them all be wrong) then I have a lot of things that I need to do...and other people’s opinions and judgment that don’t have any place in my head or the right to exist in my life’s body of work or otherwise. I’ll just keep praying for them.

I keep telling myself those doctors could be wrong. Until I see a pathology report...this isn’t real.

While I appreciate and am thankful for any prayers you can send up on my behalf...please don’t feel obliged to write anything on this post. Seriously. I just needed to get this all out and behind me.

I HATE “bleeding on the internet”. It’s a serious pet peeve. Not everyone is worthy of knowing everything that’s going on...nor should they be expected to care...but I realize sometimes people need reinforcement and support. I still don’t like sharing MY business on here. It feels weird. I’ll talk about things on the air...that I don’t care to regurgitate on Facebook.

I’ll talk about award shows, TV, things that are funny...pictures...but it’s not my business who you vote for or what you believe in. I’m just glad that you DO. Better to have convictions and purpose than be apathetic. Over the years...it’s been amazing to see how a simple picture I’ve posted or link (without even commenting on it...just a pic or simple URL) how it can make people lose their minds.

You will never solve life’s problems on Facebook or any other social media platform. It controls you. You/we are merely the peanut gallery from which billions of dollars are “mined” every single minute we’re on here.

The smartest thing I ever had laid on me about social media was from an interview with a Silicon Valley person that said “If you’re not creating the product...you ARE the product. Think about that.

Our world is so messed up right now. And no matter what party you’re affiliated with...it just seems very wrong to lump everyone together and vilify them all. Not everyone is evil. Not everyone is right or wrong. Writing people off is so inhumane. You really can disagree with someone and not hate them.

I remember being at a concert in a few years ago and had just learned some pretty tough stuff that was impacting a competitor, and shared that with one of the leaders that I worked with. They’d taken a huge blow...which was awesome strategically...but it happened at the same time the competitors PD had lost his mother. I remember expressing that I felt bad for the guy (specifically about losing his mother)...and without batting an eye...the guy I worked with said he didn’t feel sorry for him at all. “That’s just too bad!” He said other things but I won’t go there because that would reveal who that person is...and the person for whom he was speaking about that day. Now...in my heart I hoped that guy who up until then I’d had so much respect for...did NOT know what happened to this guys mom. It just felt gross talking to him. I never looked at him the same way again. It was all about depth. There was nothing there. Very disappointing. I once cared what this guy thought about me...but that was done. And living through this now underscores that feeling and reminds me on a personal level what really is important. That’s a lot for a workaholic like me to process.

I’m signing off now. It got sort of “ramblesque” there at the end. Sorry about that. As for all the other stuff...I’ll let you know how it all turns out.

[pongnosis]

I’m sorry to bother you again but are there any little scenes/headcanons that you never got to add into Devil? What are your favs?

It’s absolutely not a bother! The answer will probably be a little disappointing, though. There were a ton of ideas that never made it in, but the vast majority of them remained a line or two in my notes. Of the stuff that actually got written ... most of what I never got to add in was stuff where the plot took a different turn - things like the bare bones/main scenes of the alternate ending where Alex chose the CIA options, or snippets of an AU where Yassen chose to break Alex and turn him entirely into Orion after Santa Catarina. Bits of some of it got reused elsewhere if possible, and the rest of the discarded scenes are generally stuff that just ... didn’t fit in. It was too slow, too detail-heavy, or just didn’t quite fit the flow of the chapter. Most of the important scenes and headcanons made it in (with the exception, I believe, of the undercover agent on Santa Catarina - that was Nathan, Johann’s bodyguard, who was with the CIA, but it never fit into the fic to mention it.)

If you do feel in the mood for Yassen deciding to break Alex ‘for his own good’, I’m happy to share! It’s less of a rough first draft and more a collection of main scenes that I had to get down in writing before it would leave me alone. It’s somewhere on the discord server, too, but ... way, way back. God knows where. Warnings for Yassen deciding to break Alex through isolation:

Alex wakes up in an unfamiliar room wearing nothing but loose trousers and a t-shirt. His last recollection is leaving Malagosto with Yassen; refusing to stab someone to death, accepting however many weeks in Dr Three's care, and Yassen telling him he won't have to -

- And nothing. Drugs do weird things to memories sometimes; resistance to interrogation taught him that. It could have been days ago. It could have been hours. He has no way of knowing.

There is no daylight in the room, no windows, just the constant, low, artificial light of the lamps. There is no running water anywhere. There's a toothbrush and toothpaste and a sink, but no tap. There's a chemical toilet and disinfectant gel with a horrible, hospital-like smell to it, but nowhere to actually wash his hands. No shower. Nothing but a plastic jug of water and a cup that goes with it. To Alex's best estimate, it's enough to last a day and not much more.

The door is locked. Alex tries it twice, just to be sure. He can probably fit a single sheet of paper between the door and the frame but that's it. The walls are solid and probably soundproof.

It doesn't feel like Dr Three's style, though Alex could be wrong.

He has no idea of the time but he stays stubbornly silent. He won't beg to be let out, he won't talk, and whoever is behind this – Yassen, it has to be – can just go screw themselves.

With no shoes on, he's smart enough not to kick the door.

Eventually he settles down, resting against the wall. There's nothing else to do. The floor isn't comfortable but then, neither is the wall. His mind, already bored, is happy to supply any number of horrific possibilities as to why he's there. Alex is sure that's Yassen's plan in the first place and makes a pointed effort to ignore them.

He starts by mentally reciting every country and capital he can remember. Then he tries in alphabetical order, followed by doing the same in French, Spanish, Russian, German.

He can remember a surprising amount of song lyrics when he thinks about it, which just makes it all the more annoying when there's part of a single verse that he can't recall.

Alex spends a long time trying to remember the first lines to Total Eclipse of the Heart, and considering how many times Jack's played the damn thing -

Alex has just started on his third attempt at trying to remember all of Bohemian Rhapsody when the door opens and Yassen steps inside. Alex is on his feet seconds later, stiff and sore and furious.

Then he takes a closer look. There's something about Yassen's body language that has Alex instantly on edge. Something that reminds him of … he's not sure, but he knows it's nothing good. Gentle, almost.

“Orion,” Yassen greets, breaking the silence.

“Alex.” Probably not the best time to be stubborn, but Alex doesn't care.

There is something in Yassen's eyes – pride, pity, resigned determination – and he touches Alex's chin lightly. “Not anymore.”

Alex sneers. “What, you didn't have the heart to just shoot me, so you'll lock me up?”

“Something like that,” Yassen agrees.

----

Alex gets the point when he lets his anger get the better of him and hurls the jug at the door and calls Yassen every name in the book.

There is no food or water that evening, night, whatever time it is. The floor is still damp but dries fast in the dry, air-conditioned atmosphere. Alex goes to sleep thirsty and wakes up with a mouth that feels like sandpaper and saliva that acts like glue.

He doesn't work out that day, just does slow, careful stretches that won't make him sweat.

He's hungry, too, but the thirst is overwhelming. When the door finally opens sometimes in the 'evening' and Yassen appears with a new jug of water and a plate of nutrition bars, Alex doesn't move.

Yassen doesn't put it down but arches an eyebrow in a silent question, and Alex knows without being told that if he gets it wrong, Yassen will leave again.

A healthy adult can go for a week or more without water. Alex isn't an adult but he knows Yassen will have a good idea of what he can handle, and two days without water probably won't kill him.

Yassen's words to him before his first meeting with the executive board comes back to him, unwanted.

Be respectful, obey, never argue.

Yassen doesn't care that he's the one that locked up Alex. He doesn't care that Alex has every right to be angry and throw a fit. He doesn't care that Alex is a teenager and not exactly known for forethought and rational actions.

Thirst battles with pride. Yassen never moves. Finally the man seems to lose his patience. It's more a minute shift of muscles than anything else, but Alex can read it just fine.

Alex swallows. “- I'm sorry,” he says before he can stop himself, before Yassen can leave, and his words sound hoarse to himself. They make his throat hurt, too.

Yassen nods and holds out the water, and Alex accepts it very, very carefully. He forces himself to drink slowly – there's plenty, but he doesn't want to waste it – and when he puts it down, the plate is on the floor, and Yassen is gone again.

--------

The nutrition bars are vanilla flavoured; the cheap sort that's made of chemicals in a lab somewhere and added to everything from discount candy to the sort of milkshakes that come in plastic jugs.

By day five. Alex is ready to throw up from just the smell of chemical vanilla. It takes longer to eat those bars every day. The only reason he manages is because of hunger and the fact that if he doesn't, the smell will stick.

He dumps them in the chemical toilet in a fit of anger on day six. He gets no food on day seven. None on day eight. By the time day nine rolls around and he finally gets food again, that vanilla smell is the best thing ever.

Alex gets the lesson loud and clear.

Be respectful.

------

Yassen greets him with 'Orion' every time but says little else. He answers if Alex asks, but only sometimes. If Alex gets angry, Yassen will leave. If he stays respectful, he will have company for at least a little while.

Yassen calls him Orion. Alex corrects him. It becomes a habit, though Alex's heart isn't really in it. He's tired and bored and lonely, and it's not like Yassen doesn't know about his objections.

On day eleven, Yassen appears with the usual food and drink, for a given definition of the term.

“Orion.”

Alex wonders why he bothers. For the first time, Alex can't be bothered to correct him, too tired to care.

“... Whatever.”

-------

The reading material that appears is Dr Three's most recent work, a two-thousand page monstrosity on torture.

Alex doesn't want to read it but the boredom has become a creature of its own, gnawing slowly at his sanity.

He opens the book.

It takes him three days to finish it. When he does, Yassen spends a long time testing him, question after question on what he's read, and Alex answers to the best of his ability. It's better than the silence.

There is fresh fruit with his dinner that night; apples, grapes, sweet oranges. Alex forces himself to eat slowly and savour it. He eats everything but the stems and peel – and honest, he even tried a bite of that. At least it's not vanilla.

He loses track of the days eventually. He's not sure how. He got to twenty-something and then … forgot. Lost count. Was it twenty-two or three? His mental calendar break down after that. It's not like that matters, either. He's not getting out any time soon. Maybe never, some deep, dark part of his mind acknowledges.

[thesimperiuscurse]

FINE. All of them for EVA. Jerk

NO U. aight i’m gonna answer these for the start of chapter 6, two weeks from the end of chapter 5. 

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please! 

ready to kick ass, make the most of her work day, determined for upcoming regionals and exams. nothing is yet to trouble her.  

cadmium yellow; when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? 

the faces of her family. they are what she loves most in the world. 

lemon; what’s your comfort food?

in winter, her mom makes rich and creamy soups with veggies from the garden. pair that with soft buns fresh from the oven, and it’s guaranteed to comfort eva on the coldest and dreariest days.  

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song? 

classic justin timberlake songs, like cry me a river. 

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of! 

just yesterday i found a new one for eva, an electronic artist named kloud. there’s one song in particular, humans, the lyrics and intense beat of which she���s super vibing with.    

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home?

the family villa in malibu. cherry and gabriel made sure to raise their children in a happy, secure, peaceful home. no repeat of their own turbulent and traumatic childhoods. 

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home?

again, her family. 

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend. 

eva doesn’t have a best friend. all the people she’s really close to are members of her family. she’s always been far too ballet-focused to maintain deep relationships with anyone outside of her family. however, she’s now growing very comfortable with sasha, piper, misha, and mako. they’re all quite bantery with each other. 

golden deep; what’s your favorite season? 

summer. always. 

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off? 

her day off is sunday. currently — she wakes up at 8:30, has a slow breakfast with piper in the cafe, checks in with the academy physiotherapist at 11:00, and the rest of the day is loosely scheduled for gym, procrastinating maths homework, kickboxing, visiting family, playing her guitar, or watching netflix.   

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad? 

she has a super strong support system in all her family members, but her mom in particular. cherry is always checking up by call whether her daughter is happy and healthy. 

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? 

slow mornings. eva can’t wake up before eight, and if she’s forced to, she’ll get cranky. she wakes up when the sun does. 

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything? 

not binging, but she’s slowly working through sex education on netflix. 

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)? 

right-brained. she can’t analyse for shit, unless she’s working something out using empathy and emotional intelligence. like misha, in that sense. 

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? 

she’s not one to enjoy the silent purity of art galleries. she prefers to explore nature and breathe in the ever-changing beauty of the earth. the sight of the sea always brings her peace. 

english red; what animal do you relate to most? 

probably a dumb but very cute and energetic dog.

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent?

scottish? she finds limmy’s show hilarious.  

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? 

for summer boyfriends: hot surfer boys, tall and athletic, that have a big smile and laugh, laidback yet adventurous, sunkissed with messy sea-salted hair. in other words, mako ain’t it. for a significant other: she hasn’t thought about it. a serious romantic relationship is not in her interest for now.  

scarlet; describe your current crush/es. 

no crushes. or at least, she hasn’t realised she has one yet. hehe.  

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like? 

eva doesn’t actually go on proper dates. she can’t be bothered with awkward conversations and formalities. she might grab an icecream with a guy, surf and play sports, or go to a bonfire beach party together.    

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like? 

hook up with him, i guess. 

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date? 

if it isn’t clear by now, eva gives absolutely zero fucks about traditions or ‘rules’ around dating. her relationships are in friend-with-benefits territory, and she goes straight for what she wants.

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

the family puppy, senor papperino. her siblings send her a million pictures of him as he grows up. a bittersweet joy.  

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

her cousin amaya is getting married to amir next year, a spring wedding in the sonoran desert. eva’s helping her with the planning and dress design, which lilith is to create.     

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? 

a simple beach house, warm with natural light, that sits gently in nature. small, because her time spent inside is minimal. she really isn’t impressed with flashy luxuries.  

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? 

a place right by the beach. she loves malibu and would want to stay close to her family. 

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down? 

honestly, ‘settling down’ is something she’s barely thought about. she’s going to dance professionally as long as she can, maybe become a teacher like darcy, and explore her other passions, like surfing and environmental conservation. the traditional concept of marrying then having children is one that she feels may happen to her naturally, rather than she HAS to settle down at a specific point in her life. it’s just not on her priority list. 

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

the most beautiful place in the world in eva’s mind is the garden at her family home, which blooms with dandelion clocks in summer, full of fruit trees, and is right by her favourite beach. her happiest childhood memories lie there. 

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it? 

at the moment, eva’s always in a good mood, because she’s in a place where she’s working at her greatest passion everyday. she’s friends with mako now, so the only person that could really put her in a bad mood is vicky. 

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember? 

she can’t remember any of her dreams. 

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each? 

since eva doesn’t really care about getting married, that hasn’t crossed her mind. she already has a broad, loving, ‘dream’ family, and her siblings are bound to have kids, so she doesn’t feel any pressure. she would be perfectly happy spending time with her nieces/nephews instead. a cute dog is a definite, though, probably another golden retriever.  

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? 

evangeline’s named after one of the strongest women in her life. she’s proud to have inherited the name, and hopes to live up to it.  

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent? 

grapefruit, sea salt. 

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any?

she’s a coffee person, but in summer, her mom likes to brew iced tea with fruits and herbs from the garden, which eva loves. 

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant?

lots of citrus trees. plants that can grow wild and thrive on their own. 

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog? 

i can picture eva vlogging, but in reality she’s too busy dancing for that shit. she prefers to live her life off screen, grounded in her reality.  

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

“jacked as fuck”

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario?

a field of tiny wildflowers on the dry coastal hills of malibu. the sun is burning bright, the sea is crashing against the beaches below, the wind is pulling wild at her hair. 

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better?

eva’s always striving to be more than just comfortable. her ambition means she’s already achieved an impressive amount in life, and she’s happy with how she’s moving along, but she’s forever shooting for the stars. 

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them?

she can’t afford to travel at the moment but hawaii, spain, greece.  

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn? 

a tiny bit of spanish, korean, and german from gabriel, but nowhere near fluently. she would like to improve her skills in those languages if she has the time.  

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book?

eva isn’t bookish. she just can’t sit still long enough. when she was a kid, she did love the magic slipper series, written by one of the prima ballerinas she idolises. 

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far?

her calculus textbook. she wants to set it on fire.  

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh? 

she likes cheesy 90s era movies. she’s the man always makes her laugh. 

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself?

an ice bath and self massage for her legs, if pointe work is particularly intense, treat any new blisters or bleeding on her feet. typical ballet things. 

umber; have you drank enough water today? 

eva is always mindful to drink eight cups of water per day. 

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent? 

amaya. she listens coolly, and provides helpful commentary. a few weeks ago, eva vented to her about mako and how much of an ‘arrogant ass’ her partner is. after she finished letting off steam, amaya asked her what the exact reasons for disliking him were, which helped eva realise her own stubbornness, haha. 

sepia; name five things that always make you happy.

perfect surf waves, a hug from her parents, adding a new piece of jewellery to her minimal gold collection, warm sunny weather, camping with her siblings.     

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

she’s received a lot of ‘you’re pretty’ type compliments from guys over the years, but what makes her happiest is compliments about her dancing, particularly from professionals. 

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic? 

summer beach chick, relaxed shades of sea blue and white froth, minimalist, with a rough edge.   

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful!

nah i’m too lazy to open the game at the moment. anyway, eva doesn’t really take selfies by herself, since she’s not that active on social media.