#but when it comes down to it being aro might be more defining for me than being ace

[tesco-finest-aromantics]

aromanticism is so much more than a lack of romantic attraction. when i say i want to be more aro, i don't mean i want to experience less romantic attraction, i mean that i want more of everything else that comes with being aromantic.

to me, aromanticism isn't simply a lack of romantic attraction. it's not just an absence of something, but the presence of a whole lot of other things that i wouldn't get without being aro.

aromanticism is a worldview, because being aro requires you to break down your internalised amatonormativity which changes your whole view on the world and you can never go back after that. it's a community of people who are all like you, who have broken down amatonormativity like you, and people who you probably wouldn't have met otherwise. to some, it might even be a political stance.

aromanticism is defined by more than just romance

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Aro Week 2024: Let's Talk About the Limits of Representation

A lot of the discussion around writing marginalized identities comes down to one thing: representation. Representation in the books versus the authors, what the representation looks like, the variety of representation, what representation is present and allowed, what diversity is there and what isn’t.

For aro week, I want to talk about how limited that is for aro (and ace) people. Because the thing about representation is that to be exist beyond Word of God, it’s got to be discussed in the text. And that means romance (or sex, for ace people, but while I’m ace, and most of this is going to cross-apply, this post is for aro week so this is just a global note) has to be discussed in the text.

But a lot of time what I want as an aro person is to just not have to think about it. I think in general I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed across marginalized groups: we always have to think about our differences, and it’s a mental load and burden that other people don’t have to deal with. And as an aro writer and reader, a lot of the time what I want, and what most allows me to lay down that burden is to just not have romance in the damn thing. It’s hard to figure out how to write sometimes, it’s something I have to mentally keep in mind while I read.

While I go through life in general, I often just…forget it’s a thing. I forget when Valentine’s Day is often. I forget that people are normally dating. I forget people want to discuss with their romantic partners when making plans with friends. I forget they want to go everywhere as a group. I forget things look like dates. My life is one in which romance is rarely a factor unless imposed on it by outside forces. It’s not relevant.

But if I write that for characters, or for readers, a place where romance is not just imposed on their mind, the characters aren’t actually…aro. A story in which romance, romantic attraction, or interest in such things never comes up is one in which no character is canonically disinterested in or not in possession of such thing. It’s one which has no moments of obvious recognition of the aro experience or joyous bursts.

It’s a story in which, “Eh, they could or couldn’t be attracted. It never came up, so anything is valid because nothing is canon.”

The definition of being aro might lie in not experiencing romantic attraction. And sure, the character might not. But this is fiction. Not reality. And in reality, aro people’s experiences are more than the dictionary. People have relationships to romance and attraction and interactions with the concept are often recognizable and definitional. No real person can live without interacting with romance and attraction, and those relationships to it are as definitional and important to being aro or being gay or being straight or bi or whatever as the dictionary definition is.

Characters don’t have to interact with it. I’ve said romance isn’t relevant to my life as an aro person much of the time. If romance isn’t relevant to a character’s story—well, lots of things aren’t relevant to stories we assume are happening, like…most bathroom trips, or meals, or menstruation. A character isn’t representing an eating disorder because they’re never shown eating: it’s more complicated than that.

Being aro is more complicated than that.

A story in which character relationships wholly rely on and depend on something other than romance, a story where character relationships are undefinable and not attempted to be defined but only described and developed, a story in which characters and societies and people exist outside the omnipresent framework of romance inherently comes from a place of aroness and the aro experience. It speaks most to that place.

Most people who experience romantic attraction are often thinking about it. A story without such things is one which is lacking something they’re looking for and expecting, not a story where everything proceeds as usual without being interrupted by Oh, Yeah, That.

So, then, if alloromantic people will notice something is Different and aro people might seek it out, this way of writing around romance because it’s not relevant to the story the way it is not relevant to my life needs to be framed in the metatext so people, aro and alloro alike, know what to expect and what they’re getting into.

But when all talk about marginalized stories comes down to “What Types of Characters Are Here?” and “What Culture Is This World Based On?” there’s this empty space to explain stories like mine.

There’s so many things to the aro experience that don’t revolve around rejecting romance. But if you ever look for an aro story about something else, how can you even find it? It’s so difficult to talk about an aro story that isn’t Representative and exists in a way you don’t even have to think about it and there are no smooth bumps to remind you of yourself so you can immerse into it that…I think people forget stories like that can even exist.

[ckret2]

Hi, found you through your Hazbin fic "You've Got A Face for Radio" and just. I've already left a comment on the ao3 about the fic in particular, but I also wanted reach out to another aro ace person, because while I do think I am on the ace spectrum, I am still kind of figuring things out. I've talked to a few people about not experiencing attraction, at least in the form most people do, and what they say almost always boils down to "you'll know it when you feel it" and "maybe you've felt it but repressed it subconsciously", which, I know they mean well but, it's not what I think is the case. I'm just. Kind of stuck on the enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters bit. What even classifies as sexual attraction anyway? Who defines it when it can vary from person to person?

Anyway, I hope I'm not being a bother, it's just that your fic gave me a lot to think. I'd have sent a dm since this might become a discussion (if you're willing) but I'm not sure what the Internet etiquette is here.

"You'll know it when you feel it" "maybe you've repressed it" lmaooo if that isn't THE MOST COMMON line questioning aces/aros get. Have you got "maybe you haven't met the right person" yet? There probably isn't an ace/aro in the world who's explored their identity without some (hopefully) well-meaning but oblivious allo saying one of those things.

When they DO mean well, it comes from a place of not being able to imagine being ace/aro; it seems more likely to most allos that the attraction is hiding rather than absent entirely. You can rest assured that anybody who says that is expressing something about their own understanding of sexuality, rather than anything about their understanding of your sexuality.

Honestly and sincerely, the "enjoying NSFW stuff if it's fictional characters" bit is what personally delayed me from identifying as ace for, like, a decade longer than it had to. "Well hey, I love thinking about sex if it's some kind of alien or robot, that doesn't seem very ace; so I must not be ace, maybe I just haven't yet met a normal real-life person who's interesting enough for me." But that kind of thinking comes from not understanding what being ace is!

Because the criteria for being ace is actually a lot lower than most people think. It's not "never thinks people are attractive," or "disgusted by sexual situations," or even "never wants to have sex." Those can be part of the experience of asexuality but they aren't necessary. (Some aces think people are attractive, just not sexually attractive! Some aces want to have sex, they just aren't sexually attracted to the people they're having it with, they're interested in the act rather than the partner! It's a spectrum!)

The litmus test I personally use for "sexual attraction," and that's worked for a lot of people I know, is this:

Have you ever looked at somebody, thought they were hot, and automatically thought to yourself that you'd LOVE to have sex with them if the opportunity ever arose? Maybe not even realistically wanted that to happen, but just felt that as a gut feeling? Just thought yeah, it'd be hot to sleep with them with the same instinctive immediate reaction that you might, say, see something delicious and think "ohhh that looks so good I wanna eat that" or see a really cool trailer and think "I SO wanna see that movie"?

That's sexual attraction. You, personally, automatically feel like you wanna have sex with somebody—possibly even a stranger!—possibly even if you know you wouldn't actually really choose to do it IRL for whatever reason—just because they're sexy.

If you haven't experienced that specific feeling before, you're almost definitely some flavor of ace.

(And even if you HAVE experienced that feeling before you might still be ace—possibly some flavor of gray-ace or demi-ace. Some people do experience that feeling, but so so very rarely that they feel like their overall experience of sexual attraction is more ace than allo. Some people experience that feeling but ONLY toward somebody they have a deep emotional connection to, whereas allos can experience that feeling toward strangers. Some people experience that feeling but if actually faced with the OPTION to have that sex they're turned off. All of these are ways to be ace. So the litmus test isn't the be-all end-all; but if that feeling has NEVER happened to you, that's probably ace.)

Based on this ask and on the comment you left me on Ao3, I'm guessing your form of engagement with sexuality is like what I wrote about in the fic: reading about characters having wild nasty sex is great, could read smut and/or smutty comics all day, maybe you fantasize about your blorbos screwing, maybe you've gotten off to these fantasies or to smut... but: all your fantasies are about somebody else having sex. Probably somebody else who isn't even real.

Are you ever in those fantasies? How do you feel about "character x reader" fics, does being y/n turn you on or does it squick you out to imagine [character] flirting with YOU? Do you ever think "wow I'D like to fuck [character]" or is it only "I wanna see [character] fuck (but I don't wanna be there myself)"? If "you" ever ARE in these fantasies, is it actually YOU, REALLY YOU, or are you just imagining the fantasy from the perspective of another character who isn't you? Do you ever have a sexual interest in the actors/voice actors, or does your sexual interest in them vanish when you aren't viewing them as their (fictional) character?

I can't tell you whether you're ace; but I can tell you that "I'm ONLY interested in FICTIONAL characters doing EACH OTHER, and I would lose interest if they were real people" is not a normal/common allosexual experience.

And if you're into micro labels, there are a couple under the asexual umbrella that describes that exact experience. The current term is aegosexual. (Older term autochorissexual; that was the current term when I learned it so I still tend to use it lmao.) It's for people whose primary experience of sexuality is fantasies that they themselves aren't part of. It's not mentioned on the page I've linked, but a LOT of aegosexuals have reported that they're specifically most into fantasies about cartoon/drawn characters and other fictional characters—the more "real" they are, the less appealing they are.

(And there's the related term "aegoromantic"—I'm focusing on sexuality here since that's mainly what the ask focused on, and also because historically I've seen less people struggle with "I don't want romance, I just enjoy reading love stories; I must be aro" compared to "I don't want sex, I just enjoy reading smut; I must be ace.")

Learning the term autochorissexual/aegosexual and why it made sense to fit under the ace umbrella is what got me over the hurdle of "oh, hey, I guess I am ace"—if you think it describes your experience, I hope it can help you too. If not, it at least shows just how varied the ace experience can be.

(I'm answering this publicly because I've seen SO MANY PEOPLE grappling with "I like FAKE sex; does that mean I can't be ace?"—many of whom have contacted me because of that fic, shocked to see someone else describe their own experiences and call it a flavor of ace—so I'm hoping this might help other questioning aces/aros! But you're also welcome to DM me!)

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

Hi, so I just read your post on your experiences as an aro person and it was really impactful for me. I’m still a teenager so I’m figuring things out but I’ve never really had a crush or liked anyone romantically and I feel like I’m aro but I don’t really know whether I can define myself in that way yet because what if I’m still too young to know? Then there’s my sexual orientation which I’m clueless about but that’s fine because I know I probably am too young to know that yet. To add to that, my friends are all queer and a lot of the fandoms I’m in are quite queer and I’m afraid that if I did end up being aro and heterosexual I wouldn’t be accepted as being queer or that I can’t call myself queer. I’m also realm afraid of being lonely when I’m older because I’m not really close to that much family and I’ve struggled to keep good friends for a long time so I just worry about the future a lot sometimes and that I’m going to be sad and alone. I’m really sorry this is so long I just needed to rant to someone and I was really glad to be able to find someone who’s aro who I can talk to about this stuff.

So, here's my advice. Mainly, tl;dr, nobody knows you better than you do.

It's absolutely fine to ID to aromantic even if you feel too young (trust me, I've had a couple moments in school where I justified myself as "being too young to be into girls yet" that seem really obviously aro in hindsight), but if you do end up developing a different way, in finding attraction to people specifically or broadly, then you can just redefine yourself. There's not gonna be any aro cop who comes around checking your aro license and making sure you still adhere to understandings of yourself from last year. More than anything it's only human to gain understanding of something through continued experience, and that goes for your own self as well as anything else in the world.

For friends, well that's a complex issue that ultimately comes down to what you (and your friends) want, I can only really talk about my own experiences. But most of my friends are queer, we didn't meet in queer spaces or become attached because we were queer, we just met from mutual interests and they found out things about themselves and I found out things about myself, but there's no expectation of a mandatory level of queerness among us cause that's a really unreasonable thing to ask of someone. There's even completely hetero cis straight people still hanging about, and they're cool too. And I totally get feeling like you don't form attachments that strongly, I certainly don't have a best most closest friend ever that I'd die for, just, like, people I enjoy spending my free time with. That's enough.

I know it doesn't mean much just saying it, there's not much I can do to properly boost your mental from the other side of a computer screen, but like. Try not to worry about shit, ya know? Take life as it comes. Some things might not work out, but spending all your time fearing about everything going bad is just piling on extra stress you don't need.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Do you have any suggestions on how I could start to come out as aroace-spec at my affirming Lutheran church? Everyone is very pro LGBT but I have no clue how they feel about a-spec identities and don’t know how to ask… I want to be my authentic self but even supporters of same-gender relationships and trans people can be aphobic.

Hey there! My first suggestion to you would be to seek out the help of a pastor there, if there is one you trust. The job of a pastor is to support and guide the people in their congregation, so hopefully they will support you, and guide others in doing the same.

You might send them an email asking to schedule a private conversation. When you arrive to talk, let them know that what you're about to tell them is said in confidence. Then tell them!

If they have never heard the term aroace, or asexual, or aromantic, they might have questions — that doesn't mean they're not supportive, just that they want to understand.

You could bring along a couple simple resources defining asexuality and aromanticism, if you would rather they read or watch a brief thing instead of you trying to articulate it on the spot. The simpler, the better, to start out with.

For a faith-specific resource, here's an article on the wonderful Queer Grace website: "What does it mean to be asexual and Christian?"

There's also a whole hour-long workshop you can watch on YouTube titled: "Ace-traordinary Love Workshop: Asexual and Aromantic Identities and the Image of God"!

Hopefully, your pastor's response will be the support and affirmation you deserve. If it is, the two of you can discuss how you'd like the topic broached to the wider congregation. For instance, perhaps the pastor can bring aroace identities into education or worship, to help prepare the congregation!

If the pastor's response is less than ideal, ask them to please pray over their response, to research the matter a little more, and heck, tell them to contact me at queerlychristian36@gmail.com and I'll have a conversation minister-to-minister with them about why in order to be fully queer affirming one must be fully aroace affirming.

___

That first suggestion is my main one, but if for whatever reason you're not comfortable going to one of your church's pastors with this, another option would be to test the waters more casually: attend educational events held by the church and bring up asexuality when it's pertinent, see what people say. Or if your church does any Pride events, or has any signs etc. that list off a lot of identities in the LGBT acronym, suggest they consider putting asexuality on the list.

This is my personal less-preferred option, because in any church, you're going to have a variety of opinions — I would hate for you to try and test the waters by bringing up aromanticism casually, and being shut down by, like, one of the only anti-aro individuals in the whole congregation. So if you do try this way, and are met by one or two negative responses, please don't lose hope — it's still very possible that many more people in your church are fully on board with aroaces, or would be after learning about them!

___

I wish you well, anon! Please feel free to update me with any progress. I pray that God's Spirit of Love will uplift and encourage you, however things go.

[altschmerzes]

This is a super personal question so I completely understand if you choose to ignore it but I was wondering about your experience with the whole aro ace thing.? I just, I'm having some questioning confusing thoughts about things and there's such a wide range of things out there when you google I just feel like everytime I get close to being close to someone I panic and want to run because the idea of it isn't what I feel like its suppose to be. I don't know, I just feel kinda broken.

hey bud, sorry this took me a minute to get to, i had a pretty packed day. anyways, i'm gonna do my best to respond and hope i have something useful to say!! i'm always willing and happy to talk about this stuff, i know how hard it can be to muddle through and how unhelpful a lot of stuff out there can be. i'm gonna talk generally about my experience being and especially figuring out i was aro (and ace, i suppose, because while i don't really use the word 'asexual' anymore to define myself because people tended to ignore the aro part and focus on the ace part when the aro part was the part that i felt was more directly relevant to my life anyway, more important to my identity and understanding of myself + others, it like. it would still be accurate to describe me as aroace, i think!) and how i figured that out and some things i hope might be helpful. (this ended up being very long, lmao, sorry)

also - the first and most important thing is you aren't broken. no matter what the reason is you're feeling like this, you aren't Broken for not being comfortable with certain types of relationships or expectations. there's nothing wrong with that, and i'm so sorry you feel that way. i felt like that for a long time myself, and sometimes i still do, and it's terrible.

i don't really remember a lot about how i figured out i was asexual, back when that was a term i regularly and actively identified with. i remember that i freaked out at first, like. panicked about it, wholesale, and i could only really get myself to calm down about it when i reminded myself over and over that i was still 'normal' that i could 'still date and love and have relationships'. which is obviously an arophobic way to present asexuality, and was a huge warning sign of the massive internalized arophobia i was dealing with. it took me a WHILE to accept i even might be aromantic, never mind start identifying that way.

after i concluded that i was aro, it didn't really... get easier, not right away. not for a while, actually. when i first directly identified to myself that 'i am aromantic' i had an epic freak-out that outshone the way i freaked out at my (then) asexual identity by a hundred-fold. i'm talking i literally for over a week afterwards had regular, as in several times daily, panic attacks about it. given my family situation and the way society as a whole portrays and expects friendships to be temporary, situational things that fade as people 'grow up' and get 'real' relationships, i always saw romantic relationships as my only chance for actual love and the ability to build a safe and loving family. i was petrified of being alone and unloved, and that something was deeply wrong with me or missing from me for being unable to love the 'correct' way.

(obviously, this is bullshit. dominant western us american society and the narratives we're exposed to through it are... wrong. i am a person who feels a lot of love very deeply and profoundly, for the people in my life and the world at large, and i am in turn deeply and profoundly loved by the friends that have come to form my support system. i'm getting married in may, to someone with whom i have a completely platonic relationship, and relationship is one that is loving and intimate and happy and exactly what we want it to be.)

i really, really relate to what you say about how every time you get close to 'getting close to' someone you panic and want to run because that's exactly what i did - provided by 'getting close to' there you mean like, in a way that has the potential/likelihood to turn romantic and/or sexual. i always really wanted to be close to people, see above, but it always felt like i was going to have to accept that the only way to get that was to be with them romantically or sexually, and so that's what i figured i wanted whenever i felt warmly towards someone or wanted to be physically or emotionally closer to them.

when i hit high school, that was the point at which it seemed... weird that i wasn't dating and wasn't dating and wasn't dating while it seemed like everyone else was and people were getting Weird about me not dating. and so i dated. or.......... tried to. two or three times, i tried to date, with people i thought were genuinely lovely and fun to be around who i wanted to know better and wanted to develop more emotional and physical intimacy with. (i'm a physically affectionate person, and this is important to me. this was another reason that i was upset about identifying as aro - it felt like things like frequent hugs aside from brief squeezes with friends leaving events or something, cuddling, etc, most if not all types of physical intimacy were just. lost to me. which is also not the case! it's all about the specific boundaries and comfort levels in individual relationships, not the nature of those relationships. for instance, i have a very hard time sleeping lately because once i spent time sleeping in the same bed as my fiancee, i just. never want to go back to sleeping alone. and that's something i never thought i'd get to experience, but i have, and it's wonderful.)

returning to the point, these attempts at dating did Not Work. as soon as it became about dating, about romance or attempting to enter a romantic relationship, my entire Self revolted at the idea. i felt physically nauseated even just thinking about the person i was trying to date, and in one notable case with a very sweet boy in my high school freshman class when i was 14/15, we went on a few dates and do a dance together, and then the bad feelings and panic and revulsion built up in me until i sent him a frantic text essentially going I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE LEAVE ME ALONE and avoided him at school to such an extent that if i saw him in the hall i'd walk the other way. i did Not handle that well, as we can see. he was a good, lovely person, and he didn't deserve that. i actually looked him up on facebook a few years later and sent a message explaining and apologizing, and he was very sweet about it, no hard feelings, and we wished each other well.

so yeah, turned out i was aromantic, and accepting that was a huge step into no longer trying to force myself into things i didn't want and never wanted, with anyone, ever. (this goes for asexual too, since you mentioned aro and ace, which again is a like. Accurate Term for me but not one i use actively a lot anymore.)

additionally, the older i got the more annoyed and repulsed i felt by romance in fiction. fandom was a huge part of my life in my teens (and now!) and fictional narratives have always been monumentally important to me. they're how i've communicated my feelings and experiences, understood myself and others, and found meaning - and also just something i found very fun. fiction and fandom in particular also have increasingly drove me out of my fucking mind with the extreme, overwhelming emphasis on romance often to the exclusion and degradation of all else. it started out confusing and irritating me, and got to the point of being actively triggering for me. i joke sometimes that recently i've become more romance repulsed by the day, but it's true.

also, and i know this is a common one for people who are ace or aro or both - one of the bigger barriers to my choosing to identify as aromantic (and asexual, when that was relevant), outside of internalized arophobia and my fears associated with it, was the question of 'well, how do i know for sure.' it's hard to prove a negative, you know? what if i was wrong? what if i just hadn't met the right person yet? what if it changed? and it took me a while to reach this point but where i'm at now is like. well, maybe! so what if i am wrong? so what if i do meet someone later in life that i end up attracted to? that doesn't make anything about my current life wrong or untrue, and it's no guarantee. the identity label of aromantic has brought me more comfort and understanding and joy in who i am and where i fit in the world than i can express. so i'm going to identify this way, loudly and proudly, and if that changes later on, which it might but i frankly doubt it, i will never regret the time i've spent as aromantic and in the aromantic community.

this was a particularly helpful post when i was sorting things out at first. i don't know if there's anything useful to you on there, but it was a help to me.

i guess mainly it's just. that's how i sorted through things, i suppose, and as for you - how do you feel? what do you want? if you don't want to engage in sex or romance, you don't have to. period. ever. you have the automatic right to a permanent and unquestioned disengagement with sexual or romantic relationships if you do not want to have one. and if you panic when you try to engage in that sort of relationship, then maybe that's something you should listen to! i know that it was for me, it was a very clear message that i Did Not Want to do what i was trying to make myself do because i thought i had to do it. if you don't want that, you don't have to engage in it. period. ever. and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to or choose not to, either.

[0w0]

Aro's trending 0_0

I'm sleepy so bear with me.

I'm aromantic. Somewhere on that axis. I have two people im in relationships with.

Sometimes it's easier, feels good, it makes sense to make something official for whenever reason. And those reasons are deeply personal.

But - why then, despite being aro, am I in relationships defined as romantic?

For me, it comes down to.... Expectations.

I see nothing wrong with kissing, dating, intimacy, etc between platonic friends. I've seen that called queer platonic, but I've decided I don't enjoy that label for myself or any of my relationships.

I see no reason to define a relationship or my feelings for someone as romantic, platonic, etc, because the activities one could carry out in those relationships are bound by social decorum and expectations (in regards to my feelings on them), and nothing more.

But there are people in my life and who I hold certain fondness for that DO have feelings for me, or that i do feel strongly enough for, that I want to tether it in some way. The I want someone in my life more than what someone would considered "standard friendship". And that's hard when my own comfort levels differ from most I know.

So, relationships. A civil contract between two people with some level of promise and fidelity that is established. It's secure.

That might not make sense for some people, others may find it stupid or redundant.

I am a romantic person, but I am aromantic. My preferences and comfort levels are outside of what I see from my peers and the label helps me feel less tenuous. "I'm aromantic." "They why do you date?" So just.... It's a spectrum. That pisses some people off, but it is.

I'm full of love and what kind is no one's business but for those I choose to show. That kind of thing.

I might come back to this after I sleep, I haven't even proof read it honestly.

Night!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I’m curious if grayrose and pomorose work together? And I could call it gray-pomorose or something? I know this is an odd question since at the end of the day it’s entirely up to the person how they wish to describe themselves. I feel like grayrose explains the fact that I do feel attraction to an extent (which is complicated in itself) but pomorose explains the fact there are no labels that accurately describe it and plus I have no desire to explain it. Also wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Hi! Anon here who asked about being grayrose and pomorose.

After thinking about it, I’m not sure if pomorose would make sense either since I still consider myself bi, for when I do decide to be with someone or if I’m attracted to someone. I see a lot of pomorose definitions and experiences saying they reject terms like homosexual/romantic, bisexual/romantic, etc, since the premise with pomorose is meaning you don’t want to use a label like that or labels on the aro/ace spectrums. For me it just means, I don’t feel like any labels on the aro/ace spectrums accurately define my experience, or either there are so many that do but it’s a jumbled mess. But I know I’m aspec. I hope that makes sense. I think I may be better off saying bi-aspec? I’m not sure.

If you want, you can definitely use a-spec as a label on its own. And you don't have to define yourself past that if you don't want to, and bi a-spec is a good label. I know some people who do like a-spec just because they don't really want to specify their identity past that. Grayrose (and of course bi grayrose) can be a good label too if you want something more broad and undefined. I would say it's a little more specific than a-spec, but only slightly. So yeah I'd definitely say go with whichever one you feel resonates with you more.

And yeah i see where you're coming from with pomorose, I think you could use it with bi if you really wanted to, but it might be a bit tricky to explain you only mean in regards to being a-spec. If you can figure out a way of doing that you like, that's great, but I definitely understand where it's a bit more complicated than a simple label like a-spec or grayrose.

When it comes to labels, there's not always an objectively right answer, a lot of it comes down to what you feel fits you or you relate to. If you want you can also try one out for a bit and see how it feels, and if it doesn't feel right you can also adjust and try something else.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[rjalker]

no, actually you are not allowed to hide my fucking reblog telling you you're being a bigot. I'm not letting you people pretend you don't know you're being bigots.

Murdernot said:

One thing I love about Murderbot is that it is such a delightfully complex character that it can be so relatable to so many different people.

Like, I recently recommended the series to two friends who are very different. One I think will like it because of the aro/ace/agender-ness and the more existential "what defines a person" aspects of it. The other I think will like it for the exploration of trauma and the horrors of capitalism and the sense of humor.

Like any good story, it has some very specific things that only some people might relate to, but also some more general, more universal aspects, and we all like it for some combination of it.

And I think even more so since Murderbot is such an unreliable narrator when it comes to its own internal experience. We have to read between the lines to see how it really feels, and everyone reads between the lines slightly differently based on our own experiences and viewpoints.

And like, because Murderbot is on a character journey where it is discovering itself, we all interpret the steps on the journey differently. Like, a lot of it is Murderbot figuring out its boundaries. There are some parts where it pushes out of its comfort zone and widens its boundaries (being out of armor/being observed, which doesn't seem to bother it nearly as much in later books), and other parts where it asserts its boundaries (like with hugs). Both of those things are important for its character growth.

And someone who is trying to assert their own boundaries might latch onto the importance of Murderbot doing the same and enjoy discussions/fanart/fanfic of people respecting those boundaries. But someone who is trying to break out of a defensive, potentially maladaptive comfort zone might really appreciate the way that Murderbot becomes more comfortable with certain things over time and might enjoy discussions/fanart/fanfiction of it learning to enjoy some things it has expressed reflexive distaste for. Both are wonderful ways of interacting with the work.

The important thing for me is that Murderbot is a (beautifully written and complex) fictional character who means different things to different people. We all connect to Murderbot slightly differently and I think that's beautiful.

My response! Because you people do not get to fucking pretend you care about aroace and touch averse people and then silence us at every turn!

The problem is there are hundreds of stories where characters are touch averse and learn to enjoy being touched because they secretly enjoy it and didn't want to admit it to themselves.

Aside from The Murderbot Diaries, there are zero stories of characters who are touch averse and do not feel any desire for touch, and actually have these boundaries respected.

I don't think people who are not solitaremit understand how absurdly ludicrously rare it is that Murderbot has its boundaries with touch respected with this series.

It is in fact ableism for people to look at this character who is touch averse and has no desire for touch, whose boundaries are always respected, and to then insist that that has to change. That it has to open up and remove its boundaries and admit it secretly enjoys being touched.

We aren't talking about vague "Be more comfortable with yourself" things here. We are talking about touch aversion. We are talking about aroace.

Do I need to explain why erasing the fact that a character is aroace and repulsed by relationships is bigoted? Do I need to explain why erasing a character who's solitaremit and has that respected is bigoted?

Apparently I do, since everyone in this fandom keeps insisting on watering these issues down into just "differences in interpretation" and "learning to be more comfortable"

Would you be okay with people writing about Murderbot learning to accept and be normal about eye contact?

Do I have to explain that being touch averse is something adults try to beat out of autistic kids?

If the issues at hand here were anything but aroaceness and touch aversion, if they were more "serious" things being erased, like being gay or if people were removing all of Murderbot's other autistic traits, would you still say they're just a minor, beautiful different in opinion?

Aroace people who are repulsed by all forms of relationships have no representation. We are demonized even in our own communities, let alone the rest of society.

Solitaremit people aren't even given shelter in the rest of the touch averse community.

Erasing the fact that Murderbot is aroace and repulsed by relationships of all kinds is bigotry. Erasing the fact that Murderbot does not enjoy touch or have any desire for it is bigotry.

Listen to aroace people when we tell you something is bigoted. Listen to touch averse people when we tell you something is bigoted.

Just because it doesn't impact you personally does not mean it's not a problem and that people literally opppressed by it should just be fine with it and let everyone continue to erase our very existance.

These books are actually doing everything right in respecting aroace people and solitaremit people.

Why is it too much to expect the fandom, who claims to love this character, to do the same?

Do you actually care about people when their experiences are not the same as yours, or do you just see our existence as internet discourse that begins and ends on tumblr.com?

If you actually give a shit about aroace people and touch averse people, then stop making posts like this that coddle those who erase us. Actually pick a side instead of trying to play the middle.

This is literal real bigotry we are talking about here. You cannot create representation by taking it away from other people.

The whole main theme of this series is that you need to respect people even when they're different from you. Why is that so hard for people who claim to love this series to accept?

Why is it okay to erase people's sexualities when it's about aroace people?

Why is it okay to overstep and overwrite people's boundaries when it's about touch averse people?

Stop fucking pretending you care about nonpartnering aroace people and solitaremit touch averse people when you fucking hide our reblogs on your post. Either fucking actually support us and stand up against bigotry or stop pretending you care.

A character that is explicitly aroace and sex repulsed, touch repulsed, platonic repulsed, and nonpartnering and is nonbinary and uses it/its pronouns and touch averse and has no desire for touch at all is not a blank slate for you to erase. Murderbot represents real living breathing people. When you erase everything that makes Murderbot who it is, you are being a bigot to the real people it represents.

[Plain text: "A character that is explicitly aroace and sex repulsed, touch repulsed, platonic repulsed, and nonpartnering and is nonbinary and uses it/its pronouns and touch averse and has no desire for touch at all is not a blank slate for you to erase. Murderbot represents real living breathing people. When you erase everything that makes Murderbot who it is, you are being a bigot to the real people it represents.". End Plain text.]

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Hoping you can help explain something. Ash is aro in the canon and I understand what aro is (though maybe not, if I'm asking haha). I'm struggling to really understand what's termed "romantic attraction" since I see what Ash is doing as being friendly but sometimes I feel like it's what I should expect as being romantic. I did look up the definition of romantic attraction but it left me with more questions. It's such a vague definition! I guess, how does Ash explain it, if asked?

Aro anon, forgot to finish. I looked up signs up of how to tell when you're in love or feeling romantic attraction and even those just seemed like regular friend things. Thinking about a person often, feeling happy around them, wanting to do things with them. But I guess it's really the intent that matters or something along those lines? Thanks for letting me ramble on about this, it's been eating at my thoughts for months.

-

Hi anon

With this kind of stuff, you might not like the answer, but it's self defined.

You can look up as many definitions as you want, but ultimately the final arbiter of what is and feels like a romantic act, is you.

As an example, the guy I live with takes all of his friends out to one-on-one dinners at nice restaurants or cafes. He's aromantic as fuck, and he would take all of his friends - guys, girls, nonbinary - to cafes and restaurants for long chats, delicious meals, and that kind of conversational intimacy.

Some people might think that's romantic. He doesn't. His definition for the difference is: 'I would do that for/with any of my friends.'

On the other hand, he doesn't tend to care about or remember anniversaries, think flowers are important, care about receiving gifts at important events from a partner etc. For him, these things are romantically loaded a lot of the time, and while he'll do them for a romantic partner, he won't get any romantic satisfaction personally from performing these acts. To him, these are the acts that he feels are romantic: Celebrating and marking anniversaries, Valentine's Day, giving presents at 'expected' times of the year, particular kinds of presents.

To him, being expected to share a bed with the person you live with is 'romantic' - so he doesn't do that. It doesn't fit who he is as a person, and he doesn't think it adds anything meaningful or special to a relationship and can even detract from it. He can spend the night with a partner, but he wouldn't want that to be a defining aspect of a relationship. I.e. if a partner demanded it, that would be a dealbreaker for him.

It's up to you to define what you think of as romantic, and why. And it will be different for each person, and it can be strongly influenced by culture. It can even change from person to person. I'm gray-aromantic. So I like being in romantic friendships, but I usually prefer (not always) aromantic / queerplatonic relationships.

Sometimes the question 'would I do this for a friend, or do I only expect to do this for a partner' can help (but not always, obviously what we do for some friends is not what we'd do for all of them), sometimes the question 'do I want to engage in this romantic social ritual / does this feel meaningful to me / does this give me the ick' can help. Sometimes the question 'what feels romantic to me, and do I want that in my life' can help.

I can't answer this from Ash's perspective because he hates labels, and so he wouldn't call himself romantic or aromantic or any of those things. He just knows what he likes. But I know he's aromantic, so you're getting my response, lmao.

Also a lot of it comes down to what Ash feels is romantic. Ash would hug and cuddle all of his friends. (And strangers, let's admit it). He'd also fuck and kiss them. To him, all of those things aren't romantic. They're intimate, but that's not the same. And they're expressions of love, but that's also not the same.

If you feel like those things are romantic, then like, that's your definition for you, and that's awesome.

Romantic orientation is self-defined, because we decide what is romantic as we grow up, and we decide our feelings about it when it's time to form (or not form) relationships. It can be fluid, like all of the orientations.

[egg-emperor]

not being a dick just curious how you’re aro but love eggman, is it only irl people?

I'm aro spec but don't assign myself to a specific term that falls under that because I don't feel the need. maybe there's a more specific aro term that suits me, maybe it fluctuates Idk, but I don't feel I experience romantic attraction, whatever it may seem to be to people. I guess I'd define my own feelings more to aesthetic/sensual ? and definitely sexual attraction because I'm gay too. just not romance, I always range from uninterested to repulsed.

it applies to irl most because in fiction I can choose what typically romance coded parts I want and how it goes, instead of everything that would really come with it irl. all the most traditional and expected ways of romance, marriage, and family are uncomfortable to me and even more for how people tried to force it onto me. I don't mind casual relationship concepts and I'm open to it irl too but serious committed stuff there is uncomfortable to me.

but even then I don't define my attraction to Eggman as romantic, I'm obviously sexually attracted and like casual but intimate concepts but it's not the same as romance even if it might come off that way Ig lol. but calling him my bf/husband and thinking about coded things that used to give me bigger discomfort is a fun way to associate them with something I enjoy and brings comfort instead.

I'm down for casual stuff irl and imagine it the same with Eggman too, I'm the kind of aro okay with being in some kind of relationship mostly due to sexual attraction and how I can enjoy intimacy. there are ways for it to be possible without traditional typical romance stuff and even when it is considered romance coded, as there are things I can be okay with to some extent, I still don't feel what I would define as romantic attraction in it so it's different.

and because it's just complicated like that, I've just always used the general term of aro because I know I'm on its spectrum but who knows exactly where. I just do what makes me happy and what feels right to me and I feel good and prideful and comfortable in identifying as gay and aro and that's all that matters to me. :) 🏳️‍🌈💚🤍🖤

[arowitharrows]

I feel like there are so many aspects that people should consider before forming an opinion on loveless aros, and since I've had multiple people ask me about this topic I thought I'd just make a post about it.

This post is long so I'm putting it under a read more, but the questions I go over are:

What does love even mean?

What do aros mean by societies concept of love?

Why might someone have a complicated relationship with the term love?

What does the loveless aro label stand for?

Are there alternative methods of dealing with a new topic you don’t understand other than harassing people?

The first thing that always seems to be the cause of misunderstandings is the definition of love itself so

What does love even mean?

There is no set definition of love. The meaning of love is heavily dependent on language, culture, context and individual interpretation. One person will say love is a specific feeling, another will say its all good feelings, some people say its not a feeling at all, its actions and behavior. In the end, “love” is just a word, a language tool we use to try to simplify the complexity of our experiences.

When confronted with a concept such as loveless aros, it’s good to ask yourself “what does love mean to this specific person?” instead of projecting your definition and your interpretation of the “absence” of love onto another person. If you call happiness “love”, and therefore believe being loveless must make your life joyless, then maybe the next person just calls happiness “happiness”, and the amount of joy they feel in their life is independent of their interpretation of love. Same goes for things like caring, respecting, valuing etc. These are feelings that you might file under the category of "love" while the next person doesn't.

What it comes down to is: everyone has their own idea of what love means, and there's no use in trying to force your definition onto other people.

What do aros mean by societies concept of love?

This is usually tied to amatonormativity, the concept that (romantic) love is the pinnacle of human existence and something we all strive for, but it goes much deeper than that. It's societies tendency to tie humanity to love ("love is what makes us human!"), to use love as some sort of judgement of morality (people who love are Good and Pure, people who don't are Evil and Monstrous) and to frame love as the only true goal in life ("love is the only point" etc).

Why might someone have a complicated relationship with the term love?

Well there are different reasons. For many aros it usually comes down to this: love is often used as a synonym for romance and aros are therefore often excluded from discussions surrounding love, and when people frame humanity around (romantic) love we are often excluded from the definition of humanity. At the same time, love is often forced onto aros as a way to make our identity more palatable by saying "aro people may feel little to no romantic attraction but that's okay because they can still feel love in other ways!!". Our identity is treated as something that needs to be redeemed and it's only redeemable through love, the thing we struggle to be included in in the first place. To add to this, many times aros voice criticism about (romantic) love, we are shut down from all sides with statements along the lines of "love doesn't have to be romantic and if you interpret it that way it's your own fault you silly little aros", even when the original concept that was being criticized was obviously about romance, and even when the broadening of love doesn't invalidate the criticism.

I hope it's understandable that some aros end up with very complicated and messy feelings about love. Some aros use terms like lovequeer and go the route of reclaiming the meaning of love and reshaping it to fit their experiences. That’s awesome! Other aros use terms like loveless and go the route of rejecting love all together and defining their experiences outside of societies concept of love. That’s also awesome!

There are of course many other reasons why people might struggle with the term “love”. Maybe they are neurodiverse and they’ve been told by society that they are performing love “wrong”. Maybe they are abuse survivors who have been hurt by people in the name of love. Maybe they just don’t feel love the way others do and embrace the fact that lovelessness tells them they don’t have to force themselves into conforming to societies concept of love in order to be considered a “good person”.

What does the loveless aro label stand for?

Well, as this entire post demonstrates, it's a complicated topic and a broad term that aro people can identify with for a multitude of reasons.

Some aros use it because they do not feel love, or do not relate to love as society describes it, or do not wish to label any of their feelings as love (again keep in mind that the definition of love varies!). For others it's more of a moral standpoint, it's about rejecting societies concept of love as something essential and a requirement for one's humanity. It's rejecting love as the only measurement of Goodness. To quote this post: Loveless aros are aromantic people who are opting out of the idea that we are only acceptable if we love in other ways. As K. A. Cook put it in this essay (which I would highly encourage you to read):

No shape of love alone exists that by definition makes us deserving of respect, acknowledgement, safety, protection and value. No lack of love alone exists that by definition makes us undeserving of respect, acknowledgement, safety, protection and value. The very idea that we should have to love in some way to be respected as human is an abominable, hypocritical one–one that ties into a long history of finding excuses to deny the humanity of other humans.

So. What this comes down to in then end is that humans are complicated and our experiences are nuanced and diverse. Tying humanity and 'the meaning of life' to any feeling, and especially to one as vague as 'love' will always end up excluding people.

Are there alternative methods of dealing with a new topic you don’t understand other than harassing people?

I've seen some very vile takes on loveless aros, both from outside and inside the aro community. When confronted with a new topic such as loveless aros it is always a good idea to assume that there are probably many intracommunity discussions that you might have not been exposed to that form important context to this label. Try to do some research! Look up the tag, try to find some blogs that discuss the topic, find their personal loveless tag, go through those posts, follow links, listen to loveless aros, and if it still doesn't make sense ask politely and kindly for further explanation or just.. leave it be.

Because even if you do not know anything about this label, calling people mentally ill or throwing around questionable terms like "sociopath" and telling people to "go to therapy" makes you look like a plane old bigot and it honestly tells me more about you as a person and how you treat others than using the label loveless (as you are interpreting the term) ever would.

TL;DR what does and doesn't fall under the definition of love depends on personal definition, but society as a whole tends to treat love as an essential factor in defining humanity. Some aros opinion on love has been heavily shaped by their negative experiences with the way society excludes them from the concept of love and simultaneously forces it onto them whenever it's convenient. The loveless aro label is a broad term that can refer to people who do not feel or relate to love, people who reject love due to how it’s been used against them based on e.g. their aromaticism, neurodiversity or abuse, and people who support the moral standpoint that one’s humanity should not be dependent on whether or not one can feel love.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

hey Kip! I’m sending asks into different writer’s askboxes, inquiring about cool themes/development facts/stuff the author wants to share about their personal favorite work of their own. What’s yours? :)

Ok so this ask is old and when I first got it I was like “dang I don’t really have a lot to talk about, what should I talk about I could those revalink headcanons the Kip Cut that turned into a working fic uhh hmm maybe I’ll just make something new to talk about real quick” and then I did and now there is a 12+ chapter Revalink fic in my drafts and I’m gonna talk about that now, whoopsie doopsie [click "j" to skip]

aHEM, OK so allow me to break out the primary school white board because yeah, I have a lot of thoughts and the oxford comma has not yet made it’s home into my brain. oh and spoilers for paraphrase. for both all of Chapter one and future events in later chapters, but it’s really nothing you couldn’t surmise from the AO3 tags

so I really wanted to tell the story of Revali and Link learning and struggling to love again after the less-than-fortunate events of Botw, but I wanted a...how you say...fresher, approach on the subject? Like I know we always say that fanfic writers writing the same tropes and stories time and time again is good because we eat that shit up--but at the same time I had asian parenting as was told never to half ass anything ever, no matter what. So now I'm gay and extra and have depression maybe and oh would you look at that @motherhyrule has dropped a beautiful revalink prompt right into my lap

Great so now that we have, that, I shall take you on the step by step process on how to make a :sparkles: story. So step one is to spend at least five to eleven business days for your white board to dismantle your genre and themes and work them around your character arcs. Luckily I have prepared one ahead of time

s*breaks out those laser pointers that uni professors use* So let's start with defining genre. As define because I HATE you, fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff, fuck you and yours

is the set of expectations that your audience has when consuming a piece of media

And the great thing about fanfiction is that unlike movies or book where the genres are more vague like, "oh it's a noir mystery genre. so there's a crime, maybe a murder, and a detective and a criminal." or "oh it's a teen romance. so there's some white people and a morally questionable six-pack 18 year old love interest that will be painted as desirable for some reason" BUT with fanfiction HALF of the work out the window, because as soon as you see those #revalink #aro sidon #zelpha #revali is an idiot and #found family tags you already know what's up.

Now what's so great about genre and expectation? Well the fun thing about it is that

I will use it to fucking break you.

... ... ...

<3 For example! <3

In Chapter 1: Holes, you already expect there to be revalink, you already expect them to be soulmates with the soulmarks and there's angst and yadayada ya. Revali and Link have to match because thatttss what this is all about, this is about them! This is about cute, little soulmarks and romantic words!

But whoooopsie doopsie [disney channel laugh track plays] they DON'T match anymore! Link's got a different mark! The number one rule of this entire genre has been broken whoooooooooooooooops. *ba dum tiss*

You might notice with a lot of my writing that I do this a lot, this whole..."oop but there's one little thing that's different." TebaSaki sick fic? Ok cool, but what if Teba burns an irreplaceable relic of the Rito champion to fight a wizzrobe first to characterize why his dumbass clicks with Saki. Mipha deciding to persue Link? Ok what if she chases after a dragon to externalize this conflict as she pierces it's flesh for a scale. Link fighting a Lynel? Ok but what if it's actually a sidlink angst fic in disguise and it's also world building on how Link deals with the bloodmoon that erases all of his efforts which is sort of similar to how his existence was erased from Hyrule 100 years ago mwaahahaha! Ok now that I say this outloud I think I just have a pattern of using fight scenes to externalize character growth. I like fight scenes...anyways.

I think another great thing about the realm of fanfiction is that with the tagging system, I can basically use a chekhov's gun sort of deal, without doing any writing. You know I'm gonna use that gun marked "soulmates" but you don't know when I'm gonna shoot it, and you SURE as hell don't know how.

And huzzah! One of the main points of conflict both drives the tension between Revali and Link, solidifies the unique genre and setting of this world, while also creating a new mystery that will carry over for the next few chapters.

Is Revali right in that Link's rebirth makes him destined for someone new now? What will Link do with the information that his soulmark has changed? Why did it change? Did Revali's change as well? How does anything fucking work right now?

And sure, you might be able to tell where things will end with them, but you sure as fuck will not know how because I HATE you. Fuck you. I want you to suffer and writhe on the ground, motherfucker. How dare you think that I would give you nothing but pure predictable fluff. I am not your goddamn fairy godmother, I will do as I fucking please. You will suffer as you fucking deserve, fuck you and your little tiny--

/j

Oh! But you might have noticed on my little planning whiteboard thing that there was a little T-Chart! For Revali and Link! That's because the next important thing besides plot (and in a lot of cases, including this one, it's argued to be even MORE important than plot) is

~CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~

[to the tune of that history of the world video on youtube]

So yes, it's a little T-Chart outlining their character views in relation to the themes. And the great thing about themes is that they're not something you can necessarily predict in the same way you can with the genre and plot.

But now see, I'm very lazy so I'm just gonna plagiarize @hyrule-kingdom-updates thingy [that you should read btw] because they said my point quite clear enough

Now I don't really need to care about those points about bond and relationships and being understood, because I'm dealing with already established canon characters. I'm not some NERD who dabbles with entire casts of ocs who even cares about ocs not me that's for sure ahaahahaahahahahahaahahahahahAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *cries in my orphaned WTTU fic* AHAHAHA*sobs*DONT FUCKING LOOK AT ME THAT WAY I SWEAR--

/j I love ocs

But the points I do wanna focus on is the idea that characters provide new perspectives on the theme, and that characters growth can be tracked based on their wants, lies, and needs.

So see, themes can be predicted the same as genre/plot because while you can have the same fanfic plots and tropes, theme will always vary!

Sometimes it's a journey of selfworth with Revali! Sometimes it's an exploration of trauma with Link. Sometimes it's about how you deal with the vulnerabilities of love with Mipha. Sometimes there's straight up NOOOO theme, and people just be fucking, and kissing, and baking, and having a good time. And that is totally fine too!

But I'm not a fucking coward.

I'm gonna weave in themes with my plot, because I fucking can.

I'm not a weakling like you.

Do you hear me, 2019 Kip? Do you hear me Demmers? Do you hear me Quill? I'm coming for your ass. You think you're so great, but I'm coming for you. Rest assured that your graves will be as deep as your sculptured pride--

Heeeere is that T-Chart again, plus more!

yyyyyYou might notice that Revali and Link are quite parallel, to paraphrase. Ayoooo, see what I did there? *dabs* I'm a genius. Anywho

They both start off the same way: 100 years ago they were in love and happy. Basically the equivalent of childish naivety. For the first time in their lives, life is whimsical and charming, and they make each other happy. In fact, it's almost a flaw with how they perceive this happiness. But don't worry! It doesn't last long!

You know what happens.

I think the chart is pretty self explanatory. Revali builds walls fast enough to give a republican a wet dream. Meanwhile Link makes every aromantic in the chat groan with his doubled down sentiments in the idea that his chances of being truly happy again are gone.

Now, I can't exactly describe the full on process of the inbetweens, and where Revali and Link are gonna go from here, because...you have to read it for yourself! Heehee...but something I did think was fun was how these character views on the themes are revealed. Because you'll notice that, I never give exposition. Ever.

Ok well, let me rephrase that. I never give exposition scenes. I will never give you a big LOTR fancy wizard scene explaining the ins and outs of a character's question or the world's magic or whatever. I'm a very impatient Kip, and I value efficiency. Nonono, it's all about multi tasking, baby!

Chapter 1: Holes is divided into three parts.

Post 100 Years - Medoh (Establishes Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view)

100 Years Ago - Flight Range (Establishes old Revalink views)

Post 100 years - Mark (Develops Ghost Rev/Bonk Head Link's view in contrast to who they once were)

I think the way that you structure flashbacks is incredible vital, as it's a very quick way to characterize people without having them say stuff like "I used to be like you, until I took an arrow to the knee" or whatever.

And with the main structure of the chapters and the fic as a whole is focus on their characters, that means I can hide whatever other stuff I want in those scenes, becuase you're too busy absorbing the fun character stuff to realizing I'm giving you boring exposition. Like for example:

Post 100 Years - Medoh and Mark

Foreshadowing for the end of the fic

Set up connection to Medoh with Revali

Link has defeated Windblight

Link has been visiting Revali every night for the past few days

Link has already met Kass and presumably Teba

Link doesn't have the Mastersword

Revali's Gale is still an ability that needs master and practice on Link's end

And that's just some of the stuff.

And see, the only reason I can efficiently give all of this information regarding character, and even exposition, is because of the theme. The themes make everything relevant, and everything circles and encompasses one another, so there's absolutely no wasted space. I mean don't even get me started on how it's gonna be to characterize the other characters around this

I don't wanna talk about the other characters too much either because that's spoilers, but you can probably take a gandar based on my notes.

And oh my god this is just on the theme of the faults that come with "soulmates" and "true love" and all that, and how even magical destined relationships still require work and effort, and that no one thing or person solves all your problems. And that's not even TOUCHING the shit on trauma and scars. I didn't think it was even possible for me to talk about botw without touching on that, ha. Ah well, I've been talking for too long.

Revalink has a lot o' writing potential so das pretty cool yeah, I am excite

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Focus on the Good (Caius Volturi x Reader)

Trigger warning: Anxiety and Panic Attacks. 

Im going to add a little disclaimer too actually. I’ve written this in a very specific way. I am very vague about panic attacks and don’t write them in the readers POV because then i’d have to go into detail. This might have trigged readers with anxiety as well as triggered myself as I struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. However, i decided to focus on the positive of this kind of thing and hope that if anyone needs to hear that Anxiety doesn’t make you as a person and that it’s okay to have bad days- this is it. This is the message. As someone who spent their teens with this struggle and now into adulthood, i’ve put a message i try to remind myself of and what i hope could help others. That being said, please don’t send hate if there is any inaccuracies or flaws as I don’t want to get deep into Anxiety <3

"Master?" Caius turned to see Chelsea, her hands clasped in front of her and her face void of emotion. "I think something is wrong." Caius was standing almost immediately and hunting you down. That sentence was used to tell Caius that you needed him. You were self-conscious about your condition and so out of respect that sentence had been one used frequently after the first time.  Corin wasn't allowed to use her gift on you.  Caius was adamant that when the time came, he'd be the one to help you through. 

When he opened the door to your shared room, your back was turned to him. You had hunched into yourself and rigid. He moved to face you. "I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here." He lovingly stroked your face with his thumbs. Caius moved your crossed arms around his body. "There you go." He didn't have to say the words, your arms immediately squeezing.  He kissed your forehead before wrapping his own arms around you, lightly. He angled your head so that your airway was clear.  "Good." He said quietly. 

There had been one time when Caius wasn't available and something like this happened. He hadn't thought much about it at first, not understand the severity of these moments- at least in your eyes. Corin was permitted to use her gift, not too much to make you blindly content, but more so to calm you, take the edge off the anxiety. However Corin's gift wasn't quite right for the task and only seemed to confuse you more which led to more anxiety. When Caius arrived, long after you had settled. He knew as soon as he walked in the door that things had to change. You looked exhausted, afraid and disappointed. He had let you down because the one time you needed him, he wasn't there. After that day, if you ever had something like that again, he would drop everything and be there immediately with no exceptions. 

"What do I always tell you, cara mia?" Caius said, holding you tightly to him. "It's always darkest before the dawn." You managed out. "Good." He praised. "This will pass, understand?" You shifted slightly. "I know. You're uncomfortable. You can't find any relief in anything right now but believe me when I tell you, it's going to pass. We're going to do this together. Now what I need you to do is breathe in and out. Slowly, with me.In...out.” Caius repeated himself over and over again.  “You’re doing very well, keep going. We’ll stay like this as long as you need.” 

Minutes passed as you held him tightly. Caius stroked the back of your neck as he heard your heart beat begin to slow. “That’s it. I can hear it, cara mia.” He spoke quietly. “It’s beginning to fade, you’ll begin to feel it soon.” Caius kissed the top of your head. “You’re stronger than that sickening feeling, (Y/N). You prove it every single day. So just breathe, my love. It can’t hurt you.” Caius smiled slightly, hearing you heart rate as it continued to slow. He was proud, so very proud of you.  “Dawn is coming, rapidly. You’re pulling yourself out of the dark and you might not even know it yet. You’re wonderful, little human.” Caius tightened his hold on you, winding both arms around you again. “It’s irrational fears, mostly. You know that, but that isn’t weakness little one. It’s a sign of intelligence, a sign of life. You see the world around you and want to understand it. You won’t get all the answers but when this happens, the darkest moment...you see through to the end. There is a resilience to that and that is what makes you so wonderful, little human. Which is why you have to remember that, alright? You’re stronger than people think, that even you think. You experience this and carry on, which is good. It’s so good, little human.” Caius smiled against your head. “You go far beyond this feeling, there is so much more to you and it’s beautiful. This does not define you and it’s important that no matter how many times this feeling stands in your way. You remember that you will always overcome that feeling. It might be perceived as intimidating but it’s weak. It’s nothing against you. So don’t hold back on that feeling, my love. Beat it down, show how strong you are and all you have to do is breathe.” 

Caius pressed a couple of kisses to the top of your head. You felt tears run down your face and Caius spoke again.  “I love you so much, my dear. You make me want to make better choices, you remind me that i’m not the soulless monster i appear to be. Without your guidance, perhaps i was headed towards a lonely path of destruction but with you...you remind me of the good in this world, the beauty in it. I will always cherish you, cara mia. You make me remember there is more to life than being a warrior and a leader. I want you to remember me as i am now. Just as i don’t remember these moments you have. I think of you and remember all of the beautiful moments we’ve shared together- the memories no one could ever replace. That’s what’s important, That’s what makes you, you. When we first met, you had tears in your eyes. Although little did you and I know, that wasn’t the case. You saved me, (Y/N). You saved me from myself.” 

You were completely calm now, only tears escaping you. He pulled his head back to look at you and smiled at you as he wiped your tears. “So even if I have to be strong for the both of us...don’t think for a moment you even have to ask.” He kissed your lips softly. 

When Caius returned to the throne room, he walked into Aro and Marcus’ stares.  “Are they well?” Aro asked lightly. Caius wore a small smile. “Yes.”  “Doesn’t it frighten you brother?” Marcus asked to Caius and Aro’s surprise. “Doesn’t it frighten you how they can lose themselves in their own thoughts like that?” Caius thought about it as he returned to his throne. “Frighten me? No. It concerns me, from time to time. I fear what they think in those difficult moments. If they’re feeling helpless or alone but that’s not the end of it.” Caius explained.  “I don’t know what i could have done for Didyme if she had ever experienced that.” Marcus said, mostly to himself. Caius turned to Marcus, who looked sad and deep in thought.  “You would, brother.” Caius answered. “I assure you.” Marcus turned to Caius, who continued. “(Y/N) could get lost in their own head for days and whilst i’d feel all the concern for them. I know that in the end, even if they don’t know, that they’re strong enough to come back to me when they’re ready. Everyone needs someone and people who endure struggles as this, are very careful of who they rely on. Those that they can depend on and trust to help them...” Caius smiled slightly again. “...and I have the honour and privilege to say that (Y/N) trusts me to be that person. I can only hope that one day, they’ll realise that these moments are simply moments and for every bad day that they have, they don’t realise how much joy they’ve put into the world every single day. A thankless job that i will do my very best for eternity to reward.”

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[autistic-beshelar]

Hello, fellow aspec critter here!

I saw your post about Ashton being alloaro (100% agree btw) and in the tags you said you hc Molly as nebularomantic and I was just wondering, what does that mean? (I've also considered aro-spec Molly but I'm not committed to a specific hc yet)

Also, I get what you mean about sg in the "Enough-tp" post. I might just be biased 'cause it's not my fav ship but still. Also I know it's not canon but I low-key hc Caleb as ace-spec so that adds to it when it comes to sex-related stuff, be it sg or not. Like you said, it's not a bad thing, I just don't see it that way personally. I don't want to play into the "asexuality is caused by trauma" thing though.

Anyways sorry for rambling lol

hi aspec critter!! thank you for the ask and do not apologise for rambling it is NOTHING compared to this answer lmao

on molly:

nebularomantic is an orientation on the aromantic spectrum! likely it comes from the term 'nebulous', meaning cloud like, or ill-defined. it's when you have trouble differentiating between platonic and romantic feelings, due (in part or entirely) to being neurodivergent. so, it's solely a label for neurodivergent people! i headcanon molly as having a tbi, adhd, and npd, and i hc that he's a little bit in love with all his friends, but has trouble telling if it's in a platonic or romantic way, or somewhere inbetween or outside of that.

molly i think feels a lot, but has a lot of trouble working out what it is exactly he's feeling. he's the same with gender - pinpointing what it is is impossible, he just knows he's feeling a lot of it. he's more focused on just doing whatever makes him happy - if he wants to wear a dress one day he will, if he wants to sleep with someone and they want to sleep with him, he will, if he wants to give yasha 500 forehead kisses a day he will

on caleb:

as for caleb, yes i headcanon him as aspec as well, although i actually do think it's due to trauma for him! he gave me such strong asexual vibes in the beginning of the campaign, and i think he's slowly becoming more comfortable with it. especially with essek being demi, and caleb being somewhere on the bi ace spectrum (i feel like it probably goes up and down, depending on how he's doing mentally, i think he probably uses bisexual and asexual interchangeably), i think they're a great match for each other as they'll both be very understanding

(cw for sexual assault/trauma mention)

i can totally understand feeling uncomfortable with headcanoning him as ace-due-to-trauma, esp since there's such a harmful stereotype that people are only asexual because they're broken, or because we're mentally ill or have some kind of deficit. but sexuality is fluid, and mental illness and trauma can change so much about a person, so while the stereotype is bullshit, sometimes that really can be a person's experience. i think it would make a lot of sense if caleb was aspec bc of his sexual and relationship trauma from being a volstrucker and with astrid and wulf. i've talked to aces who are ace due to trauma like that, who just lose sexual attraction because of what happened to them. they might not have been 'born' that way, but their experience is still an asexual one, yknow?

especially when there's such great aro and ace rep in cr who AREN'T that way because of trauma - like caduceus, who is so kind and loving and very content with being aroace, like essek who, while traumatised, his being demisexual seems to have nothing to with that. there are so many different aspec experiences and it's nice to see that diversity portrayed.

honestly i have a long list of queer and neurodivergent headcanons for everyone (i have thoughts on cr1 as well, but i'm still early campaign for that)

also HELL YEAH aroallo ashton fanclub