#but when i realized some people probably put in songs that only have like 1 fitting line into these playlists it like. calmed me down a bit

[makedamnsvre]

digital ghost boston manor is soo The Character. like as in . it is so eerily fitting that its bizarre. it perfectly matches with story line + has major Key Words .

bored of waiting for the world to end... steal my face and throw away my name... (rips my hair out)

[mischiefmaker615]

You're So Dark (1 of 2)

Summary/Inspiration: Arctic Monkeys - "You're So Dark" Song

Requester: @kathren1sky-blog

Note: Happy Spooky Season! 

~Oh dear.. longer than i thought Lol thank you for the request! my mind seemed to have utilized the coffee XD

Rating: R

“your out of the dress code again.’’

You cast a glance over your shoulder at your supervisor who kept walking, knowing it was an endless battle where you would just keep showing up with your black makeup on. Right down to your choker that stayed comfortably tight around your neck, you told yourself they should be grateful you even bothered putting on the SHIELD uniform on today.

Halloween was upon you all, just at the end of this week and you thought there was nothing wrong with getting into the spirit things.. even if you were the only one celebrating. Then again.. you practically celebrated every day..

You took walks in cemeteries, isolated with your dark romance books and rocked the black ‘everything’ look no matter what occasion. What was wrong with you? You weren’t sure how to answer that when people asked, though they didn’t stay long for an answer. Not many people talked to you at work- anywhere.. they might assume you looked like you didn’t want to be bothered. Needless to say, that didn’t stop the eyes that would stare, one sharper than the others while you worked about in your environment- oblivious and innocent.

Loki often roamed around the tower in silence, sometimes reading outside his room on a good day. You thought his mysterious and quiet side was an invitation to find something in common, but whenever you would work up the guts to even think about approaching, he vanished. Yes, he was real. Yet seemed to not stay long whenever you were around.

Perhaps he thought you were weird, like the rest. His taste in company was rather picky. Hella picky. At least it didn’t mess with your usual ‘lone self’ routine. Quite recently you caught him at work, roaming around still and looking down his nose while some agents babbled on about a job we all knew he wasn’t going to accept. At least looking like he was trying bought him time here before Fury would realize he could care less about paying off his ‘community service.’

‘’trick or treat’’ one of your coworkers snickered past you, earning a glare while you did your best to be as polite in the work place as possible.

‘’fuck off.’’ Failed.

Maybe it was better to not talk to anyone, they seemed to be all the same anyway and you enjoyed your secluded cubical where you didn’t seem to get bothered.. that is, until you turned the corner.

You stopped short to find Loki lounging in your roller chair, ankles crossed while a lazy arm roamed around your items you had on the desk- décor and trinkets you somehow got away with by your bosses whom looked the other way as long as you did a good job.

‘’to my understanding, you humans don’t tend to take an interest in the remains once flesh has been removed. Shall I locate the trash bin?” Loki asked innocently, his eyes not even looking up at you while he turned your raven skull in his hand curiously.

‘’no-!’’ you gasped, stopping yourself short once his teasing eyes flicked up at you, making you glare and try to lower your voice as you stepped more into your cube, having to stand since a certain someone was in your chair. ‘’it’s décor.. safe to keep.’’

‘’and your interested in things like this?” he asked, not a tone of judgement in his voice while his eyes seemed to study you, mainly below your neck as you crossed your arms, somehow the choker feeling a little bit tighter.

‘’well.. yes- why waste something that won’t deteriorate? Any fascination of- no- never mind.. can I help you?” you shake your head, trying to figure out why he was here and not babble like an idiot. He probably didn’t care about all this anyway and would think your weird just like all the rest if you kept talking.

‘’you could very much help me darling,’’ he smirked as he set the skull down and uncrossed his legs, manspreading while his fingers laced together in front of him. ‘’but I’m sure we have to keep things professional around here.’’

You blinked at him, trying to take in what was happening right now. Did he just.. suggest an innuendo? The man who seemed to vanish every time you were around and yet here he was, in your chair, messing with your stuff and suggesting something sexual? ‘’..I don’t underst-‘’

‘’of course you don’t, not by word from mouth darling. Yet I’m sure you would perfectly understand it if it was written down.’’ He smirked and stood up, his height making itself highly aware while you tilted your eyes up at him.

‘’I’m.. sorry-‘’

‘’you enjoy books darling, is that correct? I’ve come to offer you an opportunity to gaze upon a selection of mine that may poke your interest.’’ He said calmly, his eyes almost finding themselves distracted as your arms tightened in their fold against your chest, the material somehow getting itch the more he stared while you opened your mouth to make an attempt to guess what he was talking about.

‘’are you talking about.. bo-‘’

‘’books.’’

‘’books! Of course!’’ you laughed sheepishly, your social awkwardness dripping out as you rubbed the back of your neck. Of course he wasn’t talking about anything sexual- Loki was well known to be stuck behind a book,.. but.. ‘’how do you know I enjoy books?”

‘’the quiet Midgardians tend to find themselves partaking in activities that send them anywhere else but here. Due to the fact that we also share the same living arrangements at the Iron Idiot’s domain, I figured.. we might as well get along.’’

By gods.. was he reaching out to try to be friends? You? Him? your brow raised more, waiting as if for the punchline where he would then turn this into a joke, leave like the rest and allow you to inherit the title ‘weird’ all over again. The more you watched him, the longer a conversation about books felt weird- because of you.

‘’er- sure!’’ you said almost to excitedly while your eyes dropped to the ground, your hands meeting in front of you to play with your sleeves while you started over. ‘’-I get off at 5:00, I’ll meet you at 6:00?”

‘’I would guess you know where my chambers are?” he hummed.

‘’yes.’’ You cut yourself short, hoping it wasn’t weird you knew where it was considering it was a big tower but you shifted in your stance and looked up, just to find Loki had gotten closer, making your eternal insides jump.

‘’then I shall see you at 6:00, I do hope you find something that.. matches your interests..’’ his voice got lower, looking down his nose at you while the tip of your shoes practically touched his. ‘’Y/N.’’

‘’hm?- oh yes of course.. I’m sure I can find something..’’ you said quickly, hating the fact you thought your name had been a question rather than him finishing his current sentence. Geez why were you like this.. no wonder you kept to yourself. But the amused look in his eyes seemed to ease you out of the pain while you tilted your head more up at him.

‘’Y/N?” he hummed, his voice almost at a whisper, almost as if he were testing your name on his tongue.

‘’yes?-‘’

‘’might I get by?” he smirked, clearly amused at your eternal suffering in this moment as your eyes rounded and quickly moved to the side, your body sideways to let him slide while your cheeks reddened.

‘’of course.. sorry-‘’

You heard an exhale of a chuckle as he turned his body every so slightly to pass by you, his side still managing to rub against yours, almost lingering before he disappeared out of your cubical.

You were so grateful you judged the chair correctly while you plopped down into it without looking, your brain obviously racing at what had just happened right now.

‘’6:00..’’ you whispered, almost having small doubts whether it was a good idea or not before your eyes moved back to the computer screen.

~

Somehow walking past a cemetery seemed a lot more comforting than the walk down the halls towards Loki’s room. Were you being rude? He was reaching out- in his own sort of way- to try to make friends and here you were wanting to retreat in your dark and secluded territory of your bedroom. You loved books, it obviously gained his interest compared to what the others had to offer- which he seemed to already dismiss considering it was the other Avengers in the tower. The strange thing about it was.. you don’t remember bringing your books out of your room to really give Loki an opportunity to know you loved them.. how did he know?

No going back now, you lifted your eyes to find you stood right outside his door. After having taken a quick shower, the choker was back on your neck- ripped jeans with fishnets beneath them and a black, oversize sweater. There was no goal here, it was all purely comfort and an outfit most people didn’t try to understand while they looked down their nose and called you goth.

You.. supposed? You liked particular things, you’ve always considering yourself different, but you weren’t sure if there was quite a label out there for you. You were just.. you. And you seemed to have peeked the interest somehow from a particular god of mischief whose door opened just as you had raised a hand to knock.

‘’right on time darling, I quite admire that.’’ Loki purred, a sly smile on his lips as his eyes dipped below your neck to take you in, eventually coming back up to meet your eyes. ‘’do come in.’’

A small part of the brain in these situations will always nag you, telling you no or reconsider- second guess. Most people choose to ignore it, which meant a small part of you fit in with the others and chose to step in without hesitation.

No sooner did the door close was when you felt a slender hand make contact with mild harshness in your ass, causing you to yelp more in surprise and quicken a step forward before you spun around to face Loki.

His hands clasped behind his back, looking rather proud of himself while he smirked at your wide-eyed face.

‘’what the hell??”

‘’don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that darling, you don’t exactly hide your sexual wants.’’ He chuckled, his voice seductively low while he took a step forward.

You instinctually took a step back, your hands raised to hover by your chest, almost as if ready to strike out if needed while your tried to muster up rage that never came. ‘’what are you- you have no right to do something like that!”

‘’what do you wish for me to do darling? Apologize?” he asked with such innocence, he almost seemed to shrug while he spoke. ‘’I regret nothing, and I dare say you want me to do it again..’’ with another step forward, you took a step back, feeling the redness on your cheeks while a mild sting reminded you of the not-so-long-ago events.

‘’t-that’s not why I came here-‘’

‘’ah, so you wish to make another appointment so we could do such things?’’ he teased and waved a hand to indicate behind you, making you glance to what he was referring at before you felt him press to your side, an arm wrapping around your shoulder to guide you himself. ‘’the books I spoke of are right over here, I’m sure you’ll find quite the selection- some you most likely have already indulged in. your Midgardian literature has quite an interesting taste’’ he told you simply, acting as if everything were normal while your body tensed and for some reason, let him guide you to the library along the wall.

It was huge- from bottom to ceiling there were books! Of course someone his height probably didn’t need a ladder but you probably would struggle getting something from the top while your eyes lifted to scan them all. You felt him slowly step away, taking a stance behind you while your eyes tried to focus ahead, feeling his hand slide away from your side, taking his time until his finger tips eventually vanished as well.

‘’you have.. quite the collection..’’ you offered, hoping to begin the journey away from what had just happened while you practically felt his eyes on you from behind.

‘’I’m sure you recognize a few, go on, take a better look..’’ you felt his hand return to your lower back, your feet jumping to take the initiative to get closer rather than wait for him to push. Something was going on.. something not right..

He was always quite, kept to himself and observant.. any conversation you did seem to catch amongst souls were very short, dry and boring. He clearly had no interest in talking with anyone- but right now, it seemed like he was hinting.. wanting.. waiting..

His hand slowly removed itself again, taking its time until his finger tips ghosted under your sweater before moving to his side again. ‘okay okay- just pick a book, be polite and be gone’ your mind told you, making your eyes search and scan quickly until your eyes fell upon a familiar title.

Maid to Honor.

Your eyes squinted, feeling yourself lean a little bit more while your hand rose to ghost over the spins of the books. Your head tilted every so slightly to read sideways while your eyes moved to read more.

Tears of a Mermaid.

You blinked. No.. there was no way.. it was a coincidence.. just to be sure, your eyes skipped a few books and landed on another on a different shelf, only to widen at yet another familiar title.

Ghost.

‘’these.. these are..’’

‘’yours, my love.’’ Loki smiled, having joined your side with his hands clasped behind his back while he scanned the books as well. ‘’each, and every one. Of course.. I took the liberty to convert your shorter stories- the one shots, if you so call them? Into more individual books.’’ He waved his hand more up the shelf, having you raise your eyes in horror to find thinner books but still with the same titles what read ‘Doctor, Love Potion, Sex Pollen, Dark Angel.’

You quickly took a step away, eyes widen while Loki tilted his head, watching you over his shoulder while you shook your head and gazed at the bookcase. ‘’no- no these aren’t-‘’

‘’come now darling, you are a brilliant writer, do not shorten your rights for credit’’ Loki chuckled and turned more to face you, waving a hand behind him at the books that seemed to mock your eyes. ‘’I will not be selling these, if that is what worries you. I simply just prefer it’s raw form rather than.. digital. However, I do check now and again encase your.. naughty mind comes up with anything else..’’ he smirked and you shook your head.

‘’I don’t know what your talking ab-‘’

‘’Y/Username? Ring any bells darling? Clarification is useless to be anyway, I can sense your denial as easily as a lie.’’ Loki chuckled, sighing as his eyes then began to roam again, undressing you with his eyes practically where you hugged your arms.

‘’you’re so dark.. and you’re so mysterious..’’ he whispered, a sly smile spreading over his lips as his eyes flicked up at yours again. ‘’or perhaps to everyone else. I quite find your mind.. alluring..’’

You weren’t going to waste time trying to convince him that wasn’t you. It was a lie anyway.. NO ONE on this damn green earth knew of your secret hobby, our pass time, your escape onto the internet where you wrote.. wrote about anyone you found attractive, any scenario you imaged being in or perhaps trying out some day.. but you nearly wanted to die when you had forgotten about a few stories you let star the famous Loki Laufeyson.

‘’it w-was a long time ago-‘’

‘’how long darling? You act as if you haven’t touched these novels in ages. No matter, I can tell you exactly the last time I’ve starred in your little.. fantasies..’’ he smirked and turned his back to you, a single finger gliding amongst the spines while you backed yourself up while he wasn’t looking towards the door. ‘’ah- this one,’’ he smirked and pulled out a smaller book, slipping a single page while his eyes scanned. ‘’it would seem it is not updated, taking place with my little encounter with your city New York.’’ He read, seeming to chotted a few notes down where he was reading.

Your hand reached behind you, keeping your eyes on him while he was distracted while your hand tried the door handle. ‘fuck- locked..’

‘’fuck, indeed.’’ Loki chuckled, the snap of the book getting your attention and having your attention back on him as he raised his eyes over to you. ‘’a word you so often like to use, under more meanings than one..’’

‘’stay out of my head..’’ you glared and he chuckled, turning his back with no concern while he put the book back in its proper place. ‘’oh darling, I recently discovered you like me being in your head..’’

‘’and upon my discovery just now, if your last publishing was when I starred in New York, dare I say your writing attractions revolved when I was.. cruel..’’ he smirked, eyes lazily turning back to you with no rush at all.

‘’it’s just writing- it doesn’t mean anything in real life- half those stories were merely requests by other people’s inter-‘’

‘’not all of them.’’ He interrupted with a finger pointing towards the ceiling, somehow silencing you.

‘’I’m quite flattered by this.. little community. Yet I have a point I truly need to clarify which you stated just now.’’ He said carefully, his hands behind his back once again while he took dangerous steps towards you. ‘’you said writing doesn’t mean anything in real life, that is where you are wrong.’’

You gave him an odd look, mixed with a warning as he drew near, feeling yourself press up against the locked door with your heart racing. What did he want.. why did he care.. were you truly some sick little fuck that inserted people into stories just for fun times? Was it a consent thing?

‘’when I struck your tight little ass, I could practically smell the arousal that sparked from you- deny it as you may.. that gorgeous little collar of yours- in which I would love to switch out for one of mine, just indicated you relish in the pressure it brings and tells me you enjoy being choked..’’ he rose a hand at this, making you flinch a little with your head turning to the side as if he was going to do just that, only to find him resting is flat against the door beside your head.

‘’you wish for people to leave you alone in this world only because you relish in the sweet escape of a book.. as most of us do, even I find myself guilty of the same thing. However, one day you found out why read when you could create your own worlds? Make anything happen? Anything possible? You dream of things to form into reality, but because you cant, this.. fan fiction, is the closest you can ever get to it.. and by such, you intertwine your real life between the very lines you type on the screen..’’ he smirked, his voice dangerously low to a whisper while his other hand moved to caress your side, his thumb ghosting under your sweater while he studied your reactions. ‘’you find me attractive.. my attention has neglected you so you find yourself pulling me into your fantasies..’’

His soft whispers could almost be heard beside your ear, your eyes wide as denial began to fade away and the cold truth causing you to shiver. You turned your face back to look at him, the tip of your nose almost brushing up against his while his eyes slowly dipped to look at your lips.

‘’but the best part of all this darling.. is all you had to do.. was ask..’’ 

PART TWO

~DM a song for your own Musical Mischief one shot! 

~Fan Fiction books/one shots were Cameos of my work that you can find on my Masterlist :) thank you for your support! 

Tag List: @foxherder13 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @fire-in-her-veinz @nervouseden

[ivanttakethis]

top 5 worst ivan mischaracterizations ( aka could you list five worst traits people give him that are just totally wrong) i love to hear people complain but if you don't want to you can ignore this ask have a good day

Anon I am SO glad that you asked!

Ivan is my favorite character in Alien Stage because he’s really complex.

I could talk about him and his characterization/mischaracterization all day and still have more to say after that. Now you’ve given me the perfect opportunity to write a bunch of my thoughts down.

These complaints are in no particular order and are ultimately subjective.

Also, I’m not a Patreon supporter, so I can’t comment on anything that might’ve been confirmed or debunked over there.

Top 5 Worst Ivan Mischaracterizations:

Ivan is an unfeeling and emotionless person

Ivan was trying to kill himself and Till during Round 6

Ivan hates Mizi

Ivan is arrogant

Ivan is violent

This is going to be a long one, so I’m putting everything under the cut. Let’s begin!

1. Ivan is an unfeeling and emotionless person.

I find this mischaracterization to be one of the most frustrating because there is so much evidence to the contrary.

As a child, Ivan is described as someone who struggles to express his emotions and connect with others (imo he’s neurodivergent-coded, but that’s a whole other discussion). But notably we’re not told that he doesn’t experience emotions.

This official art kills me every time I see it because it shows that Ivan knows he’s different from the other children and that it probably makes him stick out and he wants to fit in somehow so he tries to practice/fake it so maybe he won’t be so alone (the imitating behavior is also coded imo).

Beyond all of that, we see plenty of times throughout the series that he feels things, rather intensely even. He’s wistful about the stars and meteor showers and the thought of freedom. He has a curious nature, observing others, wanting to learn more about how they work; how he can emulate them.

And then there’s all of the feelings that well up when it comes to Till. The most obvious is that Ivan loves Till, in his own fucked up way. But there’s more to it.

He wanted attention from Till (maybe the first time he’s ever wanted something in that way). He did everything he could just to get Till to even so much as glance in his direction. All of the fighting, and the bickering, and the instigating was because Ivan craved reciprocation. He grew obsessed.

When Ivan managed to free both himself and Till, he was thrilled!

And when Till let go of Ivan’s hand to return for Mizi, he was very clearly heartbroken.

Ivan felt jealous of Mizi and Sua’s relationship, knowing that he would never have that chance with Till.

Ivan felt lonely because he thought Sua was just like him, only to realize that wasn’t true (because Mizi loved Sua back) and he had no one to relate to.

Also, the entirety of Black Sorrow?? Hello??? He was yearning for more than what he could get. He was resigned to his minuscule place in Till’s life. The song is full of mourning and sadness and grief.

In Round 6, I believe Ivan knew what he was going to do.

He was desperate for anything he could get from Till in his final moments. I think that’s part of why he kissed Till. If his only goal was to deliberately lose, why not skip the kissing and go straight to choking?

Ivan was a dying man overwhelmed with emotion and he desperately wanted Till to look at him, see him, make him feel content for the first (and last) time in his life.

Even if some of these emotions are not necessarily healthy, it shows that Ivan was capable of feeling something.

So… yeah. That’s why I really dislike the emotionless characterization of Ivan. There’s so much depth to his emotions and character, but some people just skim the surface and reduce him down to nothing more than a cold and stoic person.

2. Ivan was trying to kill himself and Till during Round 6.

This one is probably more often a misunderstanding than a mischaracterization of Ivan. I think some people may have seen IvanTill referred to as “toxic” or “obsessive” love when it came to how Ivan felt and behaved around Till and thought Ivan was on some “if I can’t have you, no one can” shit, but that completely ignores the wider context of his character. Ivan was devoted to Till to a fault.

To Ivan, Till was his reason for being. Till was his universe. His god. Till was something to be revered, protected, and worshipped. Ivan couldn’t live without Till. That’s why he sacrificed himself, so he wouldn’t have to continue on in a world without him in it. But he also wanted to protect Till, no matter the cost.

Pretty much everything Ivan did was to protect or care for Till: trying to escape Anakt Garden with him, watching over him after Till was attacked by the aliens in the club, freeing him from his collar over and over and over again, every chance Ivan got.

Nothing about Ivan’s feelings or behaviors toward Till suggests that he would ever harm him, let alone kill him. There’s a reason why when Ivan was “choking” Till it didn’t look like he applied any pressure, there was no struggle for air on Till’s end (even if he had mentally given up, physically there will be some sort of reaction to having your airway compressed), and we don’t see any marks on Till’s neck afterwards.

It didn’t matter what happened to Ivan as a result. Till was the only person who mattered to him.

He would do anything for him. He would quite literally rather die than have anything happen to his god.

Ivan only ever knew how to give all of himself to Till, giving up his life was inevitable.

3. Ivan hates Mizi

I’ve seen this one more so in fan fiction, usually for angsty circumstances, but this just completely sidesteps their canon relationship, which is positive and, dare I say, friendly.

He gave her piggyback rides when they were kids! In the lead up to Alien Stage, we see them chatting and Ivan being pleasant towards her in a sort of “big brother” type way without hiding some sort of darker emotion behind it.

Now, is Ivan envious of the relationship Mizi has with Sua? Yes. Does he hate that he’ll never get to have the connect they have with Till? Yes. But Ivan hasn’t given any indication that he hates Mizi herself. And I think that’s an important element of his characterization.

Yes, he has negative feelings surrounding Mizi, but he never takes them out on her or lets himself feel negative towards her as a person.

Edit: I started writing this section BEFORE we got the official art of Ivan hanging out with Mizi, but holy fuck am I glad I took so long to finish this because now it’s canon that Ivan got along well with Mizi and they were even close as kids despite the fact that Ivan loved Till and Till loved Mizi.

In conclusion, Ivan and Mizi were reasonably close and (imo) would’ve been besties in slightly different circumstances. Ivan is NOT a Mizi hater!!

4. Ivan is arrogant

Yes and no. On the surface, Ivan comes across as mature, confident, and in some cases arrogant, but as we see more from his perspective it quickly becomes clear that the arrogance is just a mask he wears for others.

Deep down, Ivan is very insecure and his self-esteem is almost nonexistent. He views himself as insignificant, twisted, unworthy. He vilifies everything that he feels and does. (“Thank you for being a victim of my shallow emotions” anyone?) Ivan fully convinced himself that Till wouldn’t give a shit about him if he died to keep him alive. That’s not the behavior of an arrogant person. Far from it.

His arrogant mask acts as a shield to keep others from seeing the monster he thinks he is. He’s even kept parts of himself out.

I think that’s also where his tendency to be an asshole comes from. Keeping people away, not wanting or knowing how to drop the arrogant mask, internalizing everything, projecting onto others (like that whole talk with Sua about self sacrifice).

So basically:

Characterizing Ivan as an insecure person who hides behind false confidence/arrogance to keep people from seeing the real (and somewhat fucked up) him? Great. Fantastic. Love to see it.

Characterizing Ivan as an arrogant asshole “just because”? Terrible. Hate it. You burned my crops and killed my cow.

5. Ivan is violent

I don’t know how this one came about, but it rubs me the wrong way so I’ll touch on it here.

We know Ivan instigated physical fights with Till when they were kids because that was the only way to consistently get Till’s attention (not saying I condone that btw). But outside of that, I don’t think Ivan has been violent with anyone else? And would he even be violent with Till like, recently?? I would say no.

Now I do think Ivan would resort to violence to protect Till, but nothing beyond that. I don’t don’t even think he would use violence to protect himself.

He’d probably just revert back to being a “perfect” obedient pet to avoid or diffuse confrontation. That’s what he did as a child; while Till fought back every chance he got. Till’s fighting spirit is probably one of the things Ivan loved about him. Maybe in part because he couldn’t find it in himself.

————————————————————

Anyways, those are my Top 5 worst Ivan mischaracterizations! Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk 🖤💙

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

[mae-lou-ron]

A Little Kindness, pt. 1

Summary: It’s been a few months since Crosshair and his family returned from Tantiss for the last time. Settling into civilian life hasn’t been easy, but one Pabu resident shows Crosshair some kindness that makes him want to try.

Pairing: Crosshair x fem!reader

Rating: T? G? I still don’t know how these things work okay?

Tags/TWs: social anxiety/awkwardness, internal berating, grumpy soft crosshair dealing with ptsd-related stuff but nothing specific, mentions of injuries treated but nothing specific, fluffyish, fanon typical swearing, reader was written as fem (she/her) but the only description so far is that she has hair and maybe wears perfume.

WC: 2,400ish

A/N: thank you to everyone who read A Friend Indeed. I really enjoyed writing the brotherly dynamic between Crosshair and Wrecker in that one. It was honestly an outlet for me to process some of my own stuff, and I appreciate all the encouragement and kind comments. I’m continuing Crosshair’s journey in learning how to heal and even maybe enjoy that Pabu life a little. I’m thinking I’ll make a little anthology series of these because I’ve got a lot of Crosshair fluff cooking up in this goblin lair of a brain. Part 2 to currently underway.

A song I listened to quite a bit while writing this was State of the Art by Incubus.

Proofread by me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crosshair strode down the sandy path, his eyes periodically scanning the star-studded sky. He inhaled the night air, surprisingly crisp for the island now that the sun had set, giving way for the moon to rise. Its blue-tinted glow bathed the island, ushering in the evening sounds that helped quiet his overactive mind. He would often walk these paths at night, aiming for nowhere in particular, just letting his feet decide where he would go.

As he turned down the path that led to the compound of small homes shared with his family, he heard their voices spilling from open windows. They sounded upbeat and cheerful. The sing-song lilt of Omega's voice suggested someone else was there—a visitor. Crosshair inwardly cringed. Still new to civilian life, he wasn't overly fond of visitors—especially those who showed up unannounced, regardless of their self-proclaimed important reasons.

In situations like this, he couldn't help but notice how his siblings were adapting to life on Pabu much more easily than he was. People had a tendency to baffle him. But the others, Wrecker and Omega especially, seemed to really enjoy getting to know anyone and everyone. As Crosshair got closer, he recognized a voice in the mix of conversation, which nearly made him stop in his tracks.

He exhaled softly, a flush creeping up his neck. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears when he heard your laughter ring out. Why does it have to be her? The thought of walking past the compound and continuing down the hill to the beach was very tempting. He wasn't in the mood for other people right now, least of all you.

It definitely had absolutely nothing to do at all with the fact that he was always putting his foot in his mouth when you were around. You set him on edge like no one he'd met before, though not necessarily in a bad way. He quite liked you actually, but you'd probably never know it from his behavior.

Not to mention your last encounter on his walk a few nights ago. When you called to him from your porch, asking for his help with something out of your reach. He froze, thoughts swirling, and all he could manage to do was scowl despite his desire to assist. He hesitated, realizing it was a task you could likely manage yourself. But you asked, and the look in your eyes had his feet leaving the path and taking the small steps to your patio where you stood on a chair. Though you appeared steady, his hand instinctively hovered near the middle of your back. Maintaining his usual stern expression, he held the awning in place while you secured it.

You thanked him with a warm smile, and without thinking he offered you his arm as you stepped down. You accepted with another gentle smile, your hand resting lightly on his forearm, the warmth from your touch lingering even after you let go. You took a step backwards to admire your work. "That should do," you murmured before turning your attention back to him. "It might be a bit stormy tonight," you added, crossing you arms over your chest. You both glanced up at the clouds that had started filtering into the sky on the horizon. The bright moon made it easy to see them rolling across the water.

"Are you warm enough?" you asked, looking up at him and rubbing your arm as the wind picked up. "I've got some extra tunics or ponchos somewhere in here, if you'd like one… Oh, do you like tea? I just put some on…." You rambled, taking another step back towards your door, offering a welcoming smile. The breeze swirled again and carried the scent of your hair—or perhaps perfume—to Crosshair, and he felt drawn to accept your offer. Yet his apprehension rose, and his "no, thanks" came out quick and terse. He couldn't even recall if you said anything after he retreated, berating himself as he walked away. Before your house disappeared from view, he glanced back over his shoulder, only to find you'd already gone inside, leaving him with another twinge of regret.

But you were here now, and he couldn't really get to his part of their home without being at least noticed by Hunter. Kriff. He swore inwardly and steeled himself for the onslaught of attention that would be cast his way as soon as he crossed the threshold.

"Crosshair! You're back!" Omega rushed over as he appeared in the doorway. His sister beamed up at him, her cheeks flushed and eyes shining with excitement. "How was your walk?"

“It’s too close to bedtime to be getting all wound up, don’t you think?” he said to his sister and glanced at you, who was regarding him warily. Omega rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, pulling him fully into room.

“Nope! But look what we just got!” she smiled, pointing to the table in the near center. You were there standing next to Wrecker with an amused look on your face. Crosshair scowled, gesturing to the pile of neatly folded ponchos on the table before them, one for each of them. "What do we need these for?" He chided himself mentally the moment the words made it past his lips.

"Duh, because it gets cold at night here during some parts of the rotation," Wrecker said matter-of-factly, as if it wasn't something he had just learned a few minutes ago himself. He nudged you gently with his elbow, which made you blush slightly. The exchange made Crosshair's eye twitch. What was wrong with him? He wasn't exactly proud of how your previous encounters had gone, and this one wasn't looking like it would be all that great either, but seeing you react to Wrecker like that… he liked that even less.

"It really does… I… didn't have a whole lot when I came here, but Lyanna brought me a couple of these not too long after. Total lifesaver," you beamed at Omega who was excitedly unfolding one to throw over her head. It had hues of blue and brown fibers threaded together. "They make them right here on the island. It might be a little big on you now but you'll grow into it," you grinned at the young girl as you adjusted the seams at her shoulders, letting the garment fall into place.

"I really like it," Omega smiled, giving a little twirl that made the fabric fan out around her. "Thank you," she added warmly before wrapping one of her arms around you in a half hug.

"Anytime, kiddo," you smiled down at Omega, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze before she turned to Wrecker to show him. When you looked up, Crosshair was regarding you with that severe look on his face, like it was actually causing him physical pain to be in your presence. You decided to take your leave, sensing the mood had shifted and not wanting to overstay your welcome.

"Well, I'll leave you all to it, then. I've got an early start tomorrow anyway," you said, your voice light and kind. Their words of thanks met your ears as you retreated towards the door, causing your lips to quirk up in a smile as you walked by Crosshair. However, he swore the spark he saw in your eyes when he first entered the room had dimmed a little. Good job, di'kut.

Crosshair opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but no words came, instead he just gave you a tense nod of his head before looking at the floor.

"Goodnight, everyone," you said softly before closing the door behind you with a gentle click.

“Way to kill the fun, Crosshair,” Wrecker teased after a long moment, roughing his brother’s shoulder as he walked past him into the kitchen, shooting a wink at Omega.

A heavy silence settled over the room. Without looking up, Crosshair knew Omega and Hunter were staring at him, their arms undoubtedly crossed and their faces wearing that annoyingly stern expression. Great. It meant they were about to gang up on him.

"Crosshair..." Omega said with a gentle reproach only she could get away with. He still hated it, though. "The people here are kind. She's just trying to help us feel at home. She understands what it's like, remember?”

Crosshair set his jaw, struggling to untangle the swirl of self-doubt and self-deprecation in his mind. "I know that," he said softly, fully aware that you, too, had sought refuge on Pabu to escape the Empire not all that long ago.

"I also think she likes you,” Omega whispered conspiratorially. “Like actually likes you…"

"I can't imagine why…" Hunter muttered, leaning into the doorframe. Crosshair narrowed his eyes at him in return, taking a wooden pick from his pocket and placing it delicately between his teeth. “You act like she’s a thermal detonator or something,” Hunter rumbled, smirking.

Omega rolled her eyes and glared at Hunter before turning back to Crosshair, whose expression only continued to sour the longer he was being put on the spot. "Don't listen to him," Omega insisted, but Hunter's words gnawed at the part of Crosshair's mind that had already questioned the same thing. Yet, Omega saw through his trademark scowl, regarding him with affection and gentle reproach.

Crosshair sighed, eyes softening as they returned to Omega. He still couldn't pinpoint the exact moment this kid had wrapped him around her finger, but glancing at Hunter's face, he knew his brother shared the same thought. Crosshair rubbed the back of his neck, shifting his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other. Hunter's eyes simply darted between the two of them—no words were necessary.

After a long pause, Crosshair huffed, "Fine—I'll… go talk to her." He winced at the thought. "What do I even say?" he said to the room, his jaw tight, shoulders slumping slightly at the discomforting thought.

"Well—I think you might like her too, Crosshair…" Omega offered gently, "…so maybe start with something simple like 'thank you for the new clothes' or 'I'm sorry for being such a cold wet blanke—'" Hunter coughed to interrupt her, and his chuckling.

"Going," Crosshair held his arms up in surrender, slinking towards the door you had just exited a few moments ago.

"Cross," Hunter said as he followed him to the door, handing him a dark green one from the pile. Silent communication passed between the brothers. Crosshair eventually nodded and slipped the soft material over his head, adjusting it to drape evenly over his shoulders.

It was pretty comfortable, he had to admit.

The scents Crosshair had grown to associate with you still lingered on the fabric—warm and spicy but soft with a hint of something like chamomile. He took a deep breath, allowing it to hang on the end of his senses, pulling up fleeting images of you in his mind that gave him a strange fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

You were one of the first people here to show him genuine kindness. A series of gestures from you that had actually quite startled him at the time.

He could still recall every detail of that first encounter months ago. The landing pad on Pabu bustled with medically inclined residents and clone troopers as they returned from Tantiss. Your welcoming smile and guarded eyes greeted him as you offered your arm to help him onto an awaiting cot; he didn't take it, but you held it there nonetheless. Panic suddenly rose in his throat at losing sight of his siblings, but it subsided when he spotted Omega and Emerie tending to Wrecker nearby—who was indeed badly injured. Only after Echo lowered Hunter into the adjacent cot did Crosshair warily allow you to examine his injuries. You seemed to understand his hesitance, asked for his name, told him yours, carefully explaining each step and always seeking his permission before proceeding—a gesture that was both deeply appreciated and deeply unfamiliar to him.

Since then, he's been struggling to find a way to show his gratitude for that moment, and all of your unexpected kindness after. Every time he tried, the words caught in his throat—nothing he could think of seemed adequate enough to express it. Parsing through the complexity of his feelings often made it difficult for him to speak. He found himself caught between wanting to open up and his instinct to maintain distance. Crosshair knew he needed to find a way to bridge this gap, but he had no idea how. And the idea of being hit with any sort of rejection from you also gnawed at him.

"You look great," Omega grinned up at him, shaking him from his thoughts. Hunter gave him an encouraging clap on the shoulder before pushing Crosshair back into the crisp evening air.

The air was more comfortable now with the added layer. The gentle breeze that wove its way through the streets and staircases gently tugged on the fabric as he walked. Looking at it more closely, it was different shades of green, and like Omega's, it was woven into a pattern that blurred one color into the next. He trudged the path to your neighborhood—lost in thought, wracking his brain for what he was going to say.

But when he arrived, the house was dark—it seemed you weren’t home.

Crosshair hesitated, contemplating his options. He brought his hand to the door but decided against knocking. He considered leaving a note but dismissed the idea quickly, as he had nothing to write with. He had no idea what he'd put down anyway. With a frustrated sigh, he turned and began walking aimlessly down the winding path.

Reluctant to return home immediately, Crosshair continued to where the houses grew sparse, eventually discovering sprawling patches of wildflowers. He vaulted over a crumbling stone wall and gathered a handful of blooms in various types and colors. As he walked back, he bundled the vibrant flowers as best he could, using his teeth and a loose thread from the poncho's hem. Upon returning to your door, he gently placed the makeshift bouquet on the chair you'd climbed onto the other night.

As he took a few steps back, he could only hope this small gesture might convey his intent better than any fumbling words he could muster right now. With a quiet hum, he finally turned and walked back towards home. Maybe he'd figure out what to say by the time he saw you again.

[gargyshmub]

DELTARUNE; Gargy's Fairytale Theory

So, lately I've kind of had an itch in the back of my mind about DELTARUNE, more specifically the secret or hidden bosses in the game and a little correlation they all share. I'll try to keep this under 100 pages but i promise nothing (tee hee hee)

If you've played the game to the extent you're looking at a tumblr blog dedicated to it, you're probably familiar with the character's jevil and spamton. These are the two characters coined by the community as "secret bosses", since you have to stray away from the games intended path to find them (in most cases.)

When you defeat spamton in his 'NEO form', a neat little song will play with his dialogue "a real boy!", this is a nod to the fable/fairytale "pinochio" I'm sure everyone's familiar with. It's a story about a doll that comes to life in search of becoming 'a real boy'. This corrilation made me realize there are A LOT of similarity's between pinochio and spamton. The strings, his regular form being a mockup of a doll, even his goal to become "big", its almost like becoming a 'real boy'. He knows he's not 'real', and just like at the end of pinochio, he too becomes renewed (reneo'd).

This made me wonder if the other secret boss, Jevil, represented something other than the Joker card. Then I realized whenever he was hit in his fat empty head it actually sprung out like a jack-in-the-box. I initially discarded this since it wasn't really a fable or fairy-tale, but if you do some digging you'll find it actually is!!!@! back in the 1400's somewhat, the jack in the box was originally named 'The Devil in the Box', essentially it's a story about a man who trapped a devil in a boot in order to save a village in france at the time, kinda like that one story about the court jester who got locked away by his magician friend in order to save their kingdom (haha. hahahahha. thats from deltarune. hahaha.) just to run home my point, jack-in-the-box; Devil in the box. Jack; Devil. What way could you fuse them together? Dack? Jackil? maybe some other 3rd way that has some importance to Yea thats right you know you've always known its Jevil.

Obviously, in deltarune fashion, its easy to overthink most elements in the story. Granted, toby will make an entire 2nd game about a hypothetical character you've never met but no you've only ever POSSIBLY met through a 1/100 chance door where he'll show you his asshole and then disappear into a million pieces, but yea, it's easy to make certain correlations that aren't even really there. In this case however I'd say that there's one more correlation that seals the deal that makes this theory WORTH theorizing.

Yea gaster. even though he's not even technically a character yet, every piece of information regarding him seems to lead people to believe he's not only the narrator at the beginning of the game, but he's also the 'man' behind the tree (since the way you find 'his sprite' in undertale is almost exactly similar ['theres a room in-between, theres a room, in-between']). I'm assuming you know what there is to know about gaster so im not gonna go into it, so onto the correlation.

I've read before someone talking about how gaster represents easter eggs in video games, not only physically (egghead) but metaphorically (the way you find him, his implied involvment with the secret bosses, the fact he gives you an '''''EGG''''' when you DO find him). Well if he is technically involved with the secret bosses, wouldn't that make him a fable too? I'm here to tell you he is. he is HUMPTY DUMPTY from SECOND GRADE FAIRY TALE PLAY.

I've already gone over his physical and metaphorical symbolism relating to eggs, but the story of humpty dumpty is also very, haha, hahahaha, hahahhahahaha

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall (The Core)

Humpty dumpty took a big fall ("Fell into his own creation")

All the kings horses and all the kings men (Who did gaster work for again?)

Couldn't put Humpty together again ("He was shattered across time and space")

What could this mean? for the future it means that if this theory is right, EVERY secret boss we meet is gonna represent not only a lightworld object, but an actual FAIRTY TALE, a FABLE. I mean, how many fables are out there. I know theres one in particular, one that the game is named after, one that has to do with an ANGEL. an ''''ANGEL'''' with ''''TATTERED WINGS''''''.

but then again idk

EDIT: ALSO LITTLE MISS MUFFET THINK ABOUT THAT UNDER-HEADS LITTLE MISS MUFFET SAT ON HER TUFFET

Last edit: also this has no grounds as an actual theory but uhhh that mf that made the Undertale RED boss fight got hired on the team. Huh. I wonder what Red was a reference to. Huh.

[pitchsidestories]

New Year's Eve Party (1) II Fridolina Rolfö x Bonmati!Reader

New Year's Eve Party Masterlist I Word count: 1275

With a playful smile you started playing the song Gimme Gimme Gimme which was immediately recognized by your Swedish girlfriend.

From the speakers, the two female leading voices sung passionately, There's not a soul out there. No one to hear my prayer. Amused she turned around to look into your eyes:” You know just because I’m Swedish I don’t automatically love ABBA.”

“But you love that song.”, you reminded her with an innocent grin. “Okay, yes. But not all ABBA songs.”, she sighed but could not help beaming as you were whispering the lyrics into her ear. Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away?

“Maybe Aitana afterwards?”, you suggested while you were trying to hang up some fairy lights to brighten up your home. Both of you were happy about being the host for this Barcelona Team New Year Eve’s party. Amused Fridolina remarked: “Just because she’s called like your sister.” “Yeah true.”, you giggled.

Slightly concerned the tall Blonde furrowed her brows at you:” What are you doing, huh?” “Trying to hang up the fairy lights?”, you responded nervously. She shook her head in disbelief: “There?!” “Yes, I thought it would look pretty.”, you shrugged your shoulders. Clearing her throat Fridolina proposed her idea: “Wouldn’t it look better over there?” “No.” “No?”

“We can try It there and when decide where to put them up.”, you offered her as a peace sign. The Swedish forward observed smirking: “It doesn’t matter to you anyway you can’t reach it.”  “Rude! Maybe with a little bit of help from your side I could reach it.”, you told her.

With ease Fridolina lifted you up so you could put up the fairy lights: “Hurry up, you’re heavy.” “Done.”, you cheered only a few seconds later. Relieved the blonde let you down to your own feet again:” Good. Because I probably shouldn’t lift people with my knee.”

“Oh dios mio, I’m sorry, mi amor.”, you immediately apologized to her tracing kisses all over her to make the pain go by faster. A slight blush creeped up the cheeks of your girlfriend as she reassured you:”I’m okay, don’t worry.”  “Okay, good.”, you replied. Both of you got lost in each other’s eyes.

The warm lights made your brown eyes look golden which fascinated Fridolina very much before a glance at the clock made her realize you two were running out of time sooner than she expected:” But we have to hurry up.” “Right, the first guests will arrive soon.”, you agreed with her more serious in tone than before. Motivated the Blonde clapped in her hands:” And we still have to get ready. So help me put the garlands up.”

“That’s true.“ , you nodded while holding up the other side of the garland so Fridolina could tape it to the wall. You let your gaze drift through the room that now looked more like party location than your home.

“Do you think Lucy will tell her crush how she feels? I mean the whole team knows by now except the one important person.“, you thought out loud, a hint of a smile in your voice. Your girlfriend snorted in reply; “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s Lucy. She’s way too proud for that.“ “Yes but that’s so stupid, Frido.“, you sighed.

Fridolina casually took the garland out of your hand to attach the other side to the wall as well. “We can’t make her see that.“, she shrugged. “Sadly. Leila is coming too, right?", you decide to change the subject while placing some shimmering confetti on the tables that you know you will regret putting there weeks after the party. Taking a step back, your girlfriend eyed her work critically; “Yes, she’s. She wanted to visit her friends here.“

A smile immediately spread on your face, happy that your former team mate came for a visit; “That’s cute.“ “I know, right?“ “Yes, you know back when she played for Barcelona I always felt like Leila and one of our midfielders had that special chemistry.“, you told her with a conspirational wink.

Instead of asking who it was, as you expected, Fridolina just gave you a stern look: “No. Stop trying to play cupid“. “Sorry, I love doing it.“, you blinked at her with big, innocent eyes. Your girlfriend pointed to the cardboard box full of decorations; “Yes, but now we have to focus on the decoration.“ “You’re right.“, you gave in and continued to help her.

A little later, the walls of your house were covered with garlands, balloons and a huge sign that said “2024“. You were very happy with the result. With all the lights and the glitter everywhere, you could feel the excitement rise.

Nervously, you grabbed your phone to check the time and noticed a string of messages from your team mates; “Oh no. The girls on their ways, we need to change into our party clothes!“

“Wait.“, Fridolina called you back. You gave her a puzzled look; “What?“ “We forgot to put up that huge mirrorball.“ You blew out a breath and clapped your hands together; “We need to do this before our guests arrive.“ “Do you think we can reach the ceiling?“, your girlfriend asked while thoughtfully looking upwards. With a shrug, you took the ball; “We can try.“ “I’ll pick you up.“, she decided.

Before you could protest that she shouldn’t do that with her injured knee, you were already in her arms. With a bit of stretching and some accidental kicking of Fridolina, you managed to attach the mirrorball to the ceiling. You had to admit, the room looked even better with all the light being reflected now.

“What do you think you’re doing?“, a voice called from behind them. You both flinched. Startled, Fridolina lost her grip on you, but managed to regain it before you actually fell. “Oh my god, don’t scare us like that!“, she scolded, once your feet were back on the ground. Alexia and her wife stood next to each other in matching dresses and you were immediately reminded that you were still in sweats.

Guiltily you bit your lip before exclaiming:” Honestly we thought you and your wife would be the last to arrive!” “Mama came early.”, Alexia explained, her voice less stern than it was before.  Knowing her teammate and the love she had for her daughter Victoria Alba all too well Fridolina couldn’t help but to tease her a bit: “And will leave early?” “As usual.”, you added.

“It’s good that you’re already here though. The catering service will bring the food any minute now, maybe you can let them in, so we can get dressed in the meantime?”, the Swedish forward asked the wives. The team’s captain did not need long to think about that proposal: “Yes, no worries, I can do that even with my knee.” Relieved you hugged your first visitors before you headed to the bathroom with Fridolina:” Thank you!”

As you were getting ready side by side you could not help but to pause for a second to take the beauty in that was your girlfriend:” You look beautiful Frido.” “Thank you. So do you.”, the Scandinavian woman answered while pressing a soft kiss to your cheek careful not to ruin the makeup you applied a few seconds ago.

The anticipation of the awaiting evening and night got under your skin as you wanted to know from her: “Ready for tonight?”  “Very. I can’t wait.”, Fridolina replied honest.

With a look through the window you saw Mapi, Ingrid, their girlfriend, Patri, Claudia and your sister arriving at your : “Oh yes, seems like the party is about to begin.”

Let us know if you enjoyed Part 1 💙

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

"Gale says I never smile except in the woods." - Katniss, THG, Ch. 1.

I present to you: Instances of Katniss effortlessly smiling/laughing around/because of Peeta in the first book:

Peeta unexpectedly laughs. “He was drunk,” says Peeta. “He’s drunk every year.”  “Every day,” I add. I can’t help smirking a little. 

“Where is Haymitch, anyway? Isn’t he supposed to protect us from this sort of thing?” says Peeta.  “With all that alcohol in him, it’s probably not advisable to have him around an open flame,” I say.  And suddenly we’re both laughing. I guess we’re both so nervous about the Games and more pressingly, petrified of being turned into human torches, we’re not acting sensibly. 

When we finally escape to bed on the second night, Peeta mumbles, “Someone ought to get Haymitch a drink.”  I make a sound that is somewhere between a snort and a laugh. Then catch myself. It’s messing with my mind too much, trying to keep straight when we’re supposedly friends and when we’re not. 

“I hope that’s how people interpret the four I’ll probably get,” says Peeta. “If that. Really, is anything less impressive than watching a person pick up a heavy ball and throw it a couple of yards. One almost landed on my foot.”  I grin at him and realize that I’m starving. 

Peeta, it turns out, has never been a danger to me.  The thought makes me smile. 

“Lean down a minute first,” he says. “Need to tell you something.” I lean over and put my good ear to his lips, which tickle as he whispers. “Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”  I jerk my head back but end up laughing. “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.” 

“Katniss?” Peeta says. I meet his eyes, knowing my face must be some shade of green. He mouths the words.  “How about that kiss?”  I burst out laughing because the whole thing is so revolting I can’t stand it. 

Peeta’s struggling to get up when I reach the cave. “I woke up and you were gone,” he says. “I was worried about you.”  I have to laugh as I ease him back down. “You were worried about me? Have you taken a look at yourself lately?” 

“So that day, in music assembly, the teacher asked who knew the valley song. Your hand shot right up in the air. She stood you up on a stool and had you sing it for us. And I swear, every bird outside the windows fell silent,” Peeta says.  “Oh, please,” I say, laughing. 

“What’s the problem?” I say with a grin.  “The problem is we’re both still alive. Which only reinforces the idea in your mind that you did the right thing,” says Peeta. 

“Ah, that’ll be nice,” says Peeta, tightening his arms around me. “You and me and Haymitch. Very cozy. Picnics, birthdays, long winter nights around the fire retelling old Hunger Games’ tales.”  “I told you, he hates me!” I say, but I can’t help laughing at the image of Haymitch becoming my new pal. 

“Hey, Effie, watch this!” says Peeta. He tosses his fork over his shoulder and literally licks his plate clean with his tongue making loud, satisfied sounds. Then he blows a kiss out to her in general and calls, “We miss you, Effie!”  I cover his mouth with my hand, but I’m laughing. “Stop! Cato could be right outside our cave.” 

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Who are you for them?"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about how this person or group of people see you and what they think of you. works better for one person at time but you can try asking about group of people too (friends/family...). you can ask about partners (current or future), fs/destined person, friend/s, family members, people you interact (even barely) with (colleagues, classmates...). I honestly started with the idea of only making this pac the usual 4 piles leaning to a "more romantic" interest, but then I needed to add some other people as friends, so I also decided to add a couple of piles more. I won't probably divide piles into sections (as family, work, friends, school, love...) but just focus on the general energy I get. it will resonate differently for you (e.g. the same pile can work for one person's boss and for another person's bestie...). I am going more in detail in other readings (on instagram too).

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4 5 6 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

This is someone that may have not figured you out well yet (or you haven't figured out them yet). But you kinda hit them in a certain way. You maybe make them realize something or understand something... You give them a different point of view, you put a light on "a problem". This may be someone kinda stubborn on occasion but you give them the ability to open their eyes and be more balanced about what they are seeing and understanding from the world. It doesn't seem a bad person per se, maybe just not too emotionally open/aware when it comes to others and putting themselves into others' shoes. Ofc, not all of these people will be open immediately to the "lesson" you bring with yourself, so they may even not appreciate you at first. If they do, you may help them heal some personal issues and understand why they feel the way they feel. For a few of you, this person may even develop feelings for you. For others, it may be someone from your work/school or family environment (I am not getting friends tbh, maybe acquaintances).

song: come | jain

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pile 2

"You're a small flower to me". This is a line from a song about love and... passion/lust too. But it's very sweet. This person is someone who really likes you and has deep feelings for you. For most of you they're a partner/lover, for others someone sharing a more platonic bond with you (eg. family/friends). This person, aside from the feelings mentioned above, is someone that feels very protective of you. They value you a lot. You may have helped them change perspective on something too. Maybe how they see themselves. You give them strenght or make them stronger (they are stronger for you, because you exists). It's a very cute and loving, devoted energy. You inspire them and help them believe more in their dreams and that they can reach whatever result they want in life. With you by their side, in particular. Communication seems pretty important for you two, you can bond over it and share deep stuff too with no problem. Everyting is allowed. They see you as their new beginning in life, someone they can start everything all over again with (and even do things they thought they couldn't do anymore/at all).

[possible overlays with pile 3]

song: electric | alina baraz, khalid

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pile 3

You are some kind of a mystery or a puzzle to be solved. This person cannot figure you out too well but this doesn't scare them. Quite the opposite. They feel intrigued by you. They may be someone asking you questions and trying to get a look inside of you, to know you deep down, in your essence. They're not scared of seeing your darkest side, despite you may tend to hide it away. This person is someone quite aware of the fact that everyone has dark parts in them. You may feel a bit stressed at first with them (or you may make their stress to increase and then ease a bit by talking); anyway if necessary please communicate with them and tell them off/to chill. They are just plain curious about you, but may get swept away by it and get a bit too far (for a few of you: this person may like mental games a bit too much, so if it gets toxic or you don't like it, just close the thing asap, don't worry about being rude just be plain clear and stand your ground). May come off as a bit closed off/into their head from their part, so it may take you some time to get inside of them, but they will let their walls down if you ask them questions too. They need a bit of help. I'm hearing sapios3xual tbh. Really into minds (and as said, into their head "to process infos"). Could be a lover/partner (especially in the "knowing" phase), someone from your work/school environment or an acquaintance. An ex for a few (especially if resonates with the nosy-toxic part I feel).

[possible overlays with pile 2 or 4]

song: get your number | mariah carey

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pile 4

This may be a friend, more likely childhood/long time friend, or a family member (for a few a possible partner/lover, especially if you are part of the lgbtq+ community). They think you are the type of person they may be willing to go in an abandoned house on Halloween night, just to have fun together (okay dunno about your idea of fun, but any other example could do... this is just the first thought I had). A confident (you for them and they for you). They see you as someone cute, funny and adventurous (now I get why the abandoned house), someone trustworthy, reliable and important: they know you'd do anything for them. Probably you were by their side when they needed the most, when they needed support. They'd come to you if they needed help: you may be a bit more grounded (or a better planner) than them. You are from the same soul family very likely, this person feels as if you were put in their life for a reason and they are incredibly happy and grateful about it. They do feel a deep connection with you, a spiritual bond. They also find you beautiful. Lot of mirror energy tbh, you may feel the same way about them.

[possible overlays with pile 3]

song: before i ever met you | banks

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pile 5

This person sees a connection with you. They feel like you can understand them as nobody else. Or, at least, that you can somehow read their mind and help them express themselves better with others (this may be someone having a blockage about communication, maybe cause by language or their position too, but ofc it doesn't have to be... it may be just social anxiety or anything else, any other trauma). They know they can come to you when they need to talk or clear their mind. They know you can solve their problems even just by simply listening to them speaking. Someone well read, knowledgeable, and fair. Someone that helps them ease their inner struggles. Some kind of a guide to meet and understand themselves when they cannot do it alone. You kinda help them free themselves from their own cage too (for some: this may hit them not immediately but after a while as they may be someone kinda stubborn and fixed in their mentality. This doesn't mean they don't see your ability with words and knowledge). Could be a boss or a colleague/classmate, not sure about a partner or a friend (could be), maybe a family member. Or an acquaintance.

song: haegeum | agust d

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pile 6

You help this person be more grounded and determined. More precise and efficient in what they do. You inspire them to stop and focus on what they can do to do better, on what they can change, on what they can actually control. You calm them, and you give them hope too. You give them strenght. You help them be more positive and in touch with their giving side. They see you as a source of inspiration, someone that's very important in their life, a focal point, maybe even a weak point for some. Someone very empathetic, someone they can learn a lot from, even about themselves. Someone confident and elegant. You make them think a lot indeed and make them want to be better, both as a person and in their work. You help/inspire them "revise" themselves and change/work on themselves. They learn how to be more objective and more empathetic too thanks to you. More connected with their inner self. You give them courage to pursue their dreams and work even harder. Could be a friend, a colleague/classmate, an acquaintance or even a partner or a family member.

song: powerful | ellie goulding, major lazer, tarrus riley

[talesofesther]

sweet calamity | ch 5

Wednesday Addams x Reader

Series Summary: It was something people described as the sweetest pain, the feeling of when the soul that's destined to find yours is closer to you. Wednesday saw it as a curse, promised herself she would hate whoever was chosen for her; but it's easier said than done.

A/N: I think this might be my favorite chapter yet. Let me know what you think. <3

Masterlist | Read ch 4 here

The clock on your bedside table read 1:16 AM. It was a little late, but also the only time when, technically, everyone was asleep.

You snuck out — well not really, considering you're not leaving the school, only your dorm — with careful and calculated steps, you made your way down the dark stairs and to the quad.

The reason for that, is that a particular flower you want to add to the quad's flowerbed only blooms at night. And you need to make sure that its color fits in well with the rest of the plants already there. Maybe it was futile and maybe it was your perfectionist side speaking, but you genuinely wanted the place to look nice when you were done.

Or you were just taking any small excuse you could get to keep your mind busy.

You could use your abilities if you wanted to, make the flower bloom during the day so you could see it in its full glory, but it didn't sit well with your heart to disturb its natural cycle.

So here you were, in your pajamas, shivering because of course you forgot your jacket, sneaking out into the night only to watch a few flowers bloom. It reminded you of the times that you'd do the same thing when staying over at your grandparents when you were younger; a smaller you hugging a huge cardigan around your shoulders, your bare feet feeling the grass between your toes as you sat down on the lawn and just waited for it to slowly happen.

The moon was high in the sky when you reached the quad, almost full and casting a pleasant glow for you. The air was cold, much colder than it was during the day but there was a certain comfort to it, you realized.

You closed your eyes for a moment, tilting your head up and breathing in deeply.

Quiet moments like these have always been some of your favorites.

She would probably enjoy it too.

Your mind drifted. You opened your eyes only to see a blanket of stars above you; endless, timeless.

Maybe she would complain about the colors, but you'd gladly add a few black flowers to the mix if she asked you to.

You shook your head, scolding yourself for missing someone who wasn't even yours, to begin with.

Five days ago, Wednesday found out you are her soulmate, and you haven't spoken with her since. It could be wishful thinking, but sometimes you had the feeling that she wanted to speak with you, however, you didn't feel much ready for that. The changes were small, like finding a new partner for a few classes that you used to sit with her, taking the longer path to some of them so you wouldn't end up bumping into her; little things to postpone what was most likely inevitable — you live in the same place after all, it was bound to happen — but for now, you didn't know what else you could do, other than avoid her.

With a soft sigh, you sat down on the ground, eyes fixed on your flowers in the middle of the quad. You hugged your knees close to your chest… and waited.

The night was serene, you could hear the rustling of leaves in the distance, crickets singing, and music.

A beat passed, and you frowned.

Music?

The melody was a little distant, but not much, you could hear it pretty clearly; soft notes coming from the cords of a cello.

You couldn't put a name to the song even if you tried, but you could tell it wasn't a happy one. The melody was somber; not creepy though, closer to sorrowful. It comes from the tallest room in Ophelia Hall, echoing through Nevermore's corners and undoubtedly waking a few students from their slumber.

You know it's Wednesday. Enid has complained to you about her cello solos in the dead of night one too many times already.

If you close your eyes and focus hard enough, you can picture her fingers moving with the cords, shaping the notes of the song.

From your spot on the quad, you look up at what you can see of the half-colorful round window. You stay there until her song ends and a little bit after, part of you knows she's still out there too. In times like these it feels like the universe is fighting to keep you close to Wednesday; you wonder when it'll see reason and give up — though secretly, part of you doesn't want it to. Because you could pretend you shared this little moment with her, after all, it was just you and her who were awake and out at this hour.

The thought of somehow feeling connected to her made you smile.

—

Wednesday dragged out the end notes of her song, the tip of her fingers burning and stinging over the cords; a pleasant, grounding feeling.

Thing closed her sheet music book, gesturing softly at her after.

"That's a silly question," Wednesday told him, setting aside her cello, "considering I have nothing to be worried about."

The disembodied hand gestured again, causing Wednesday to narrow her eyes at him.

"Her childish behavior does not bother me, I'm not sure why you would even assume that." She huffed, looking away from him with a clenched jaw, "she's the one who chose to keep it from me in the first place, so if she wants to keep her distance now…"

Wednesday breathed in deeply, she got up from her chair, and walked over to the edge of the balcony to let the cold wind kiss her cheeks, "it's just less work for me," she finished then.

Wednesday feels stuck in limbo sometimes, she doesn't understand the weight on her chest whenever she thinks of you, can't decide on how to feel about you nor why she even cares at all. She detests not knowing things, yet when it comes to soul bonds and flower perfumes, she sees herself walking blindfolded on a tightrope.

Thing came to her side carefully, he tapped her elbow, waiting until Wednesday's dark eyes settled on him. He gestured gently, his fingertips tapping the back of her hand once he finished.

In a quick move, Wednesday pulled her hand back and took a step away from him. She shook her head, breathing in deeply. "That could never be true," she pointed a finger at him, "say it again and I'll pick out each of your nails."

Wednesday turned around and walked back inside, leaving Thing alone in the night; but she laid in bed wide awake, staring at her ceiling for hours on end until the first birds started singing, his words replaying over and over in her mind.

———

The tall doors of the fencing room creaked when Wednesday pushed them open, the sunlight coming from the huge windows reflected on the pristine white walls and made the clashing blades shine.

The Addams girl walked between her peers, helmet in hand and chin held high. She could see their teacher instructing Xavier on his poor stance, holding his own blade in the correct position so the boy could copy. Wednesday scoffed when he failed again. He should stick to the bow and arrow, she thought.

Wednesday's gaze still looked for you in the crowds — while the teacher was busy getting frustrated with Xavier, she found you adjusting your uniform in the far corner of the spacious room.

She stalked closer, closing the distance between you and her. Your eyes found hers just before you lowered your helmet on your head and Wednesday could almost see the way your breathing faltered. She had caught you off guard.

You make to take a step back but your boot hits the wall, and it's suddenly very familiar to a recent memory that has been plaguing Wednesday's nights. She should hate you for it, for making her care about something she promised she wouldn't; but oh, she can't.

It's okay if you like her, there's nothing wrong with that.

Thing's words still echo in her mind.

Wednesday is quick to reach beside you, grabbing a blade for herself from the support on the wall and turning around to give you your desired space, because the image of you running away from her makes her stomach turn unpleasantly.

"Ready?" Bianca's voice caught Wednesday's attention and she looked up, only to see that the siren wasn't speaking with her, but with you.

You walked in front of her slowly, blade in hand as you took your stance, "yeah, ready."

Wednesday's grip on the steel handle of her own blade tightened; who was the absolute moron who paired you up with Bianca?

You were awful at fencing and Bianca was, arguably, even more competitive than Wednesday; and as much as she didn't want to admit it, the siren was good.

Your blade clashed with Bianca's for the first time, and a foreign feeling took over Wednesday's body as she watched the sparring unfold. She was restless, chest tight as she anticipated your every move.

Her lungs had a distant ache, because she's been holding her breath. Bianca's blade grazed the side of your head and Wednesday didn't know where to focus her unblinking eyes. She took a step closer when you almost lost your footing.

What the hell was happening to her?

Bianca was fast, too fast for you to follow. She striked, and you ducked out of the way but the movement caused the tip of her blade to scratch the side of your free hand.

Droplets of crimson red were quick to fall on the floor, staining the polished wood. The sharp pain made you wince, dragging your attention to the blood slowly flowing from the recent cut.

It was a blink-of-an-eye kind of thing. Bianca didn't see your wound, and you didn't see her going for the next blow until it was too late to defend yourself.

All that was heard was the loud clashing of steel against steel.

Wednesday stood in front of you, her blade holding Bianca's in place, with a look in her eyes that could send the bravest man running for the hills.

"What the hell, Wednesday?" Bianca snapped, lowering her weapon.

"This fight is clearly over," Wednesday tilted her head towards your bleeding hand, she still had her blade pointing to Bianca, daring her to object.

Bianca shifted her attention to you, her eyes softening, "shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright," you cut her off with a wave of your hand and a small, reassuring smile, "I'm alright."

"Addams," the teacher called, walking over to where you stood, "you're not allowed to interfere when other students are sparring".

Only when Wednesday saw Bianca walking away, did she lower her weapon. "Then you should learn how to properly pair up your students," she bluntly stated, raising an eyebrow at him.

The older man huffed, turning his gaze to you, "go to the infirmary." Was all he said before walking away.

You angrily took off your helmet, messing up your hair. "I had it under control," a frustrated scoff escaped you as you threw your blade to the floor. You refused to look up and meet Wednesday's eyes.

"Obviously not," she countered, "given how she was about to impale you with her sword had I not stepped in."

"Whatever, it's not like I asked for your help," you argued back a little too loudly and felt warmth rush to your cheeks when it attracted a few curious glances.

Wednesday flinched at your sudden tone, blinking a couple of times. You never snapped like that. After a beat of silence, she tried reaching out, "let me see it."

Only for you to take a big step back, holding your bleeding hand close to your chest as if trying to protect it. This distance, this brick wall you were trying to build up between you and her; it got Wednesday striving to keep her face impassive, to pretend like it wasn't taking away her sleep.

"I don't need you pretending like you care, Wednesday," you told her quietly, turning around to walk to the door, and Wednesday watched you leave. Again.

Her classmates were anything but subtle with the way they watched the two of you, no doubt wondering what about you was so special that prompted Wednesday to do what she had just done. To be honest, she was wondering the same thing.

With each of your steps — morning sunlight bathing you aureate as you walked — Wednesday could feel the thudding beat of her heart against her ribs, trying to escape her, trying to go after you.

Wednesday closed her eyes, mumbling a thousand curses under her breath as she shot down her ego. Damn you. She discarded her blade and helmet, hurrying to fall into step beside you.

"You're mine even if I don't want you to be," she forced out, sparing a single annoyed glance at you; her hand took hold of yours in a strong grip as she pulled you along, "I'm not letting anything happen to you."

—

The cut on your hand wasn't big, but the antiseptic still stung like a bitch.

You sat on one of the hospital beds of the infirmary, swinging your feet back and forth as the nurse wrapped a small bandage around your hand.

Wednesday was leaning back against the wall to your right, you could feel the weight of her eyes on you, unmoving; you felt like a deer under a panther's gaze.

But that analogy didn't work, did it?

You dare to steal a glance at her; you catch her straightening her posture, clearly not expecting you to do what you just did. Her eyelashes kiss the corner of her cheeks as she looks down at her boots, her arms crossed over her chest. There's something about her that wasn't there before, you just can't put your finger on it yet.

I'm not letting anything happen to you.

Why? You thought to yourself as you looked back at your hand, the white gauze now slowly turning a soft shade of pink. Why did she have to say that?

"You can come back later to change it one more time if you want to, but you should be fine by tomorrow," the nurse gently told you.

"Thank you, I will," you smiled, flexing your hand to test if the pain was still there. It was.

The older woman smiled back, before turning around to attend to a vampire girl who's accidentally eaten garlic.

You didn't move, only pursed your lips and gripped the edge of the bed; you had a feeling of what would happen next.

And it did.

Wednesday pushed herself away from the wall, her steps slow as she came to stand in front of you. She stopped closer than you thought she would.

"Lemon and salt will help," Wednesday told you.

Your head instantly snapped up to look at her, you frowned, eyes a tad too wide. "It'll sting like hell."

There's a ghost of a smile on Wednesday's lips that she never intended for you to see. She reached a hand to you, slowly, carefully, half expecting you to reject her touch again.

You didn't, and you're not sure why. But you did hold your breath before she even touched you.

She took hold of your injured hand, her fingers holding yours with a gentleness even she didn't know she was capable of. Wednesday turns your hand around, and somehow she knows you're back in that moment too.

She gulped, her thumb brushing over the dried blood stain on your uniform; "for the stain," Wednesday simply said.

"Oh," is all you can breathe out, afraid to break the spell that's holding this moment.

You allow yourself to savor her touch just for a second more before pulling your hand back.

Wednesday didn't comment on it, she refused to acknowledge the effect you have on her. She sets her jaw tight before saying; "I've been meaning to apologize."

You raised an eyebrow at her.

"For what I said when we first met," she continued, and you closed your eyes, because you were done crying.

"Had I known it was you I'd-"

"You what?" You interrupted her. "You'd tell me I'm not a burden? Or maybe that I shouldn't grow attached to you because you hated me before even knowing me?"

Wednesday's lips parted yet no words came out. This is wrong, this is all so wrong. She decides. This is not how our story should go.

You pushed yourself off the bed, picking up your bag to leave the infirmary.

And Wednesday follows, because that's all she can do now.

"Listen, Wednesday," you started after a sigh, pushing open the door and being welcomed with the chatter of Nevermore's busy hallways, "we can be friends if that's what you want us to be."

The students walking around you caused Wednesday to move closer, her shoulder bumping into yours with each step.

"But right now… I need time. And I need space." You shrugged, a melancholic smile coming to your lips.

Wednesday can't decide on how to feel, the thought of it brought a sour taste to her mouth. She should be glad, but that doesn't sit right with her either. And she thinks she should probably say something anyway, but before she could, someone else called out your name.

Both you and Wednesday turned to see Andrew waving animatedly to you as he molded his way between the students until he could reach you.

"Hey you," he greeted with a smile, then turned to the girl beside you, "Wednesday." He gave her a nod, and when she didn't answer, he looked back at you, "ready to present our work?"

You breathed in deeply, you hated talking in front of the class. "As I'll ever be."

"Relax, I'll be by your side the whole time." He offered.

You glanced at Wednesday before following him, the glint in your eyes resembling something akin to longing; "I'll see you around, yeah?"

Affection isn't a word Wednesday uses much, but she thinks of it a lot when it comes to you.

"Okay," she uttered quietly, and as you walked off with the guy, Wednesday managed to catch on to little bits of your next conversation;

"Hey so, you know how the Rave'n party is less than two weeks away, right? I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?" The annoying boy asked.

"Uh, yeah sure, I- I'd love to," was the last of your words that Wednesday could hear.

And she felt the strange urge to grab your hand and drag you away with her all over again.

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Read ch 6 here

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keep me motivated to continue posting here, so I'd appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment if you want. <3

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[tobyislame]

some ticci toby headcanons

consider this a headcanon salad cus these were all randomly thrown together as they came to me

- fragile masculinity up to the NINES with this one

- totally an ice eater what a sicko

- he's double jointed in so many places. also freakishly flexible. likes to freak people out by popping his joints in and out of place lmao

- has the crackiest bones ever. you think you hear sticks breaking in the woods its just toby's crack ass ankles

- weed partaker but stays the freak away from the bottle cus yk he doesn't want to find out if that "like father like son" stuff is true

- plays guitar and makes up shitty 1 minute sad guy with a guitar songs. fingerstyle typa guy

- plays ONLY FOR HIMSELF and gets embarrassed but tries to act like he's not if someone walks in on him. like he'll just hastily stop n scramble to put away his guitar n act all cool like he totally wasn't playing guitar just now and go "whaddyouwant"

- definitely sneaks into concerts and shows. it's easy for him to blend in there. gets suuuper fucking beat up in the pit cus yk he doesn't realize how battered up he's getting in the moment until he gets a glimpse of himself and is like oh hell my lip's busted and my nose is in a different place than it was before

- think he'd have an owen wilson nose on account of how much he's broken it

- also one of his canines is missing

- just a SUUUPER accident prone guy. has no sense of self preservation. like ZERO (cus he was never really taught how to manage his cipa) (well he was yk before The Incident but he doesn't remember much of it)

- has sun spots cus he's outside all day all the time. also tonsss of freckles and moles

- burns his playlists onto cds

- he'd like every music genre but in particular i think he'd listen to late 90s/early 2000s teenage boy music. also 80s music. specifically new wave stuff

- knows a lil bit of asl for his verbal shutdowns

- also i hc him as audhd

- along with his stutter (which i don't consider to be related to his tourettes) he also just has a speech impediment. like sometimes his r's or l's come out as w's and he has trouble pronouncing certain sounds or words and just says them wrong and people correct him consistently he just doesn't really listen or care to correct himself

- not too good at spelling or any of that grammar stuff

- i really want to stress that he's NOT stupid. he hate hate hates how people patronize him and make him out to be some sort of incapable dunce. it makes him feel small and he hates feeling small. he's smart, he's just not good at communicating it. no matter what he tries his words just come out wrong. "i'm lots smarter in my head" is what he'd probably say

- always has a fidget spinner/cube on him

- he kinda just vomits when he gets overwhelmed. like when he has to ride in a car he leans his head out the window like a dog the whole way, partly just cus he likes it and it's fun to play airplane with his hand in the wind but also cus he could spew his guts at any moment

- collects spider-man comics and cool rocks. also unironically looks up to spider-man cus he always gets back up despite all the shit he gets put through. he feels like he could learn from that. he thinks it makes him seem like a kid though which is something he really wants to prove that he's not so he keeps it to himself

- super gross oh my god he's so gross. like doesn't wash his body in the shower cus "the water will get it" picks his nose and eats it kind of gross. will also get all obnoxious and in your face about it if you rightfully tell him he's a sick fuck for that

- honestly that'd be his response every time someone criticizes him

- like you could be like "you fuckin reek" n he'd be like "oh yea?" and grapple you into a headlock with his armpit shoved in your face

- his speech pattern is a little funky. like his sentences just come out like they were sorta haphazardly put together. he doesn't make much sense a lot of the time

- i wanna say he's endearingly dorky but he's just fucking weird. like he probably flirts in a napoleon dynamite-esque fashion. he has a vague idea of what flirting is he just doesn't quite got it but hey he's got the spirit

- he really just has a vague idea of what conversation is in general. he just doesn't have that good of a grasp on how people talk to each other. he feels a major glaring disconnect between himself and every other human in the world and it just makes him feel even smaller

- a lost fucking puppy when it comes to talking to women. just completely and utterly helpless. he stutters a lot more he trips over his words a lot more which just makes him red it's brutal to watch

- my voiceclaim for him is whoever voices bumblebee before he loses his voice box in the michael bay transformers movies (just looked it up it's stiles fucking stilinski)

- his voice cracks all the time ESPECIALLY when he raises his voice. he gets red and embarrassed every time it does and he really badly tries to hide it which just makes it even funnier to everyone else poor guy

- wants so badly to be perceived as a big intimidating muscle man but he just isn't no matter how hard he tries

[anniemika]

Lost and Found

Eren Jaeger x Female Reader

Chapter 11: Consequences

Chapter summary: Realizing the damage he’s caused, Eren learns about the life he has missed out on and tries to reflect on his mistakes, with a few bumps accompanying him along the way.

Chapter warnings: explicit language, aggression, mentions of blood

Words: 4.4k

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

…..

That night, Eren couldn't sleep. All he could think about was you and the encounter you two had the day before. Well, not that he spent his time thinking about much else before, but now he found someone else nestled inside his mind.. Lily. He tried to focus on a song he’d been writing for some time, go to the gym, do anything to distract himself. But no matter what he did, his mind kept coming back to the two of you.

When morning came, he realized he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see you again, talk to you, find out if what he’d been wondering about was true. He knew that it was a risk, that you might not want to see him, but he had to try. He couldn’t just go straight to your house, though. He didn’t even know if you lived there anymore.

But anyway, who would tell him anything about you? He was sure that many people were aware of what happened all those years ago, the whole ugliness of it. It wasn’t a big town, and there was no way anyone would tell him any kind of information regarding you. People loved you, and he was sure no one gave jack shit about him.

The only person that could tell him anything was his dad, although he didn’t know if you kept in touch with him after all that had happened. Nevertheless, he was going to ask.

He knew that Grisha was at work at the hospital, but he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He dialed his father’s number while nervously pacing around in his hotel room.

The moment he picked up, Eren was on it, “Hey, dad. Listen, sorry to call you at work, but I need a favor to ask.”

“Okay,” his father said, a little taken aback by the urgency in his son’s voice, “What is it?”

“I saw Y/n yesterday.”

His father went quiet, and Eren knew why. He couldn’t even imagine the shame his dad must’ve felt when it all happened.

“And I know you probably think that I shouldn’t bother her, but I really need to just talk to her. To at least have the chance to apologise properly.”

Grisha stayed silent for a little while. But then, much to Eren’s surpirse, “I think that’s a good idea.”

The younger man furrowed his brows in confusion, not expecting his father to agree so easily, “Really?”

“Yes, really. She owns a flower shop downtown. It’s on Saint John’s street, first corner on the right. It closes around 6p.m.”

Eren couldn’t believe his father was actually supporting him in this. He quickly grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to write the address on it, “Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it.”

“Be gentle with her, Eren. It’s the least you could do. That girl has gone through a lot.”

Eden nodded, even though his father couldn’t see him, “I will, I promise. Thanks again.”

In a flash, he put his phone inside his leather jacket, put his black combat boots on, tied his hair in a messy bun, and went out the door. He knew that it was probably best not to disturb you at work, but how could Eren explain to you that waiting would drive him completely nuts? How could he explain that he’d been waiting for so long, his body wouldn’t allow another minute to pass by without him taking action? His heart pounded like it wanted to jump out of his rib cage as he drove like a complete madman, acting on pure adrenaline. He knew he had to calm down before meeting you, but the emotions he felt were just too strong to hold down.

After he parked his car down the street from the given address, his eyes went to a periwinkle sign a few meters from where he was standing. “Lily’s flowers”, it read in elegant cursive writing, that drew a tiny smile across his face.

Eren couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Facing his past was something so distant before, like a dream that was never going to happen, even though he desperately wanted it too. But now, as he stood outside the shop, there was a glimmer of hope blooming inside his heart.

He took another deep breath and pushed the door open. The sweet scent of roses and lilies filled his senses as he looked around your workplace with awe. The shop was small, but cozy, with colorful bouquets arranged in vases on every surface. The walls, adorned with beautiful floral paintings, added to the ambience of the shop. They were painted in soft pastel shades, providing a soothing backdrop for the vibrant colours of the flowers. It was breathtaking.

And then, behind the counter, arranging a colourful bouquet, were you. Dressed in a simple white tee and a floral apron, you were still too beautiful to be true.

“Good morning, how can I help yo-“, when you brought your head up and saw him standing before you, your mouth fell slack.

"Hi," Eren spoke, his voice low and unsure.

He saw your face go through a few different emotions in the span of seconds, first surprise, then a mix of nervousness and vexation, "What are you doing here?"

Eren took a step closer to you, but he didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Suddenly, a child’s giggle was heard and Lily appeared from behind you, holding a pretty flower in her hand. She ran in front of the counter, almost bumping into Eren’s leg.

"Mommy, look! It's the man from the grocery store!", the little girl exclaimed, pointing her tiny finger at him.

Eren looked down at her, a knot tying inside his throat. Now that he could really see her up close, it was undeniable. Her brown hair, her eyebrows, her radiant teal eyes.. the signs were all there, "Hi there. Lily was it?”

"Mhm!," she replied with a smile.

Eren knelt down next to her level,

“You’re as pretty as a lily, Lily.”

She let out the cutest little giggle, “That’s what my mom tells me.”

"Lily, honey, why don't you go outside and play for a bit?" You said, visibly trying to compose yourself.

“Okay. Bye.” She waved her hand at Eren, but before she could go, he stopped her.

“Just a second, Lily.” The little girl turned back to him, her eyes wide with curiosity, “How old are you?”

“I'm six and a half, but all my classmates tell me that I look smaller, and that really annoys me!”

Eren’s smile disappeared. Six and a half.. which meant-

“Go on and play, honey.” You pressed on, voice trembling.

Lily nodded and ran outside, leaving Eren alone with you and the silence.

When he rose from his position, his eyes turned to you, and when he saw the way you avoided his gaze, with tears brimming your eyes, he just knew.

"Why are you here, Eren?"

"I...I wanted to see you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Oh,” he could hear the lump inside your throat from trying to fight the tears, “how nice of you.”

Eren cautiously moved closer to the counter,

“Do you think we could perhaps.. talk?”

Your hands were shaking, and you just hoped he wasn’t near enough so he could see them.

"Eren.. I really don’t know how you have the nerve to come here after everything.” You always knew that seeing him again would stir up old feelings that you had buried deep down, but this was too much.

Eren felt like he could let the whole world swallow him, "I.. I know."

You shared a look with him. Seeing those eyes again was like diving into a pool of memories, each one flooding back with a force that made your heart ache.

“Y/n, I'm so sorry-”

“No.” You’re quick to silence his attempt, “No, no, you can't do this right now. I'm working.”

“Please, just.. Just give me 2 minutes-”

“Two minutes!?” You raised your voice, hot tears threatening to spill again, “Two minutes.. Is that going to sum up years of.. of-”, the frustration you felt couldn’t be described with words. You were helpless, and at the same time, desperately trying to find the words. You hated how weak you looked right now.

Turning around, you tried to distract yourself by fixing the stems of a few red roses, “You should go.”

Eren didn’t know what to do. On one hand, the last thing he wanted was to upset you this much. On the other.. he needed to ask. If he didn’t do it right now, he’d probably go insane.

“Y/n..”, he said your name cautiously, “Lily.. Is she mine?”

You froze in place. You couldn’t bare to look at his face right now, or you’d probably faint, “What?”

“I'm sorry, I just really need to know. Please.” Eren thought he could go into cardiac arrest soon, “Is she mine?”

Silence fell like a heavy weight, suffocating, as if the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving a vacuum of soundlessness that pressed down on you both.

And then, with your back still turned against him, you spoke quietly, “I think you already know the answer to that.”

Seconds turn into hours, each passing moment feeling like an eternity. It was true. Hearing it from you just cemented it in stone. Lily was his.

Before Eren could open his mouth to say something, a doorbell ring was heard throughout the shop.

“Good morning!” An elderly woman greeted.

“G-good morning!” You swiftly wiped your eyes, before turning and sending a final look his way, “You have a nice day, sir.”

Eren stood there, staring at you helplessly. He knew he had to leave, but god help him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. All he wanted was to just whisk you away and talk, tell you how fucking sorry he was, how much of a piece of shit he was.

But he knew that wasn't possible right now. You were at work, and he knew he’d made it hard enough as it was. He had to go.

With a heavy heart, he turned to leave, emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he walked away. When he reached the door, he turned back to steal one last glance of you. You were talking to the older woman, happily showing her different kinds of flowers, like the previous conversation never happened.

The thought of you putting on a brave face and hiding your pain from the world, and him knowing he was the reason for that, made his heart sink with much earned guilt.

…..

Eren replayed your conversation in his mind throughout the whole day.

Over, and over, and over again.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

He wanted to punch a wall. Or better yet, himself.

He could only imagine the hardships you must’ve gone through, raising a child alone at nineteen years old, while he was touring and drinking and living his life. A life that was definitely not worth living. Not knowing that you were pregnant.. not knowing just how much you needed him. Thinking that leaving you was the best option for you both.

Hatred. That was the feeling Eren felt for himself.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you’d realized that Lily didn’t need a person like him in her life. A fucking failure of a person.

Lily…

She was so beautiful. And she looked so much like him, it was insane. But her smile.. her smile was yours. So infectious, it lit up the entire room and filled his heart with warmth. Just like you did.

Eren wondered if you were ever going to smile at him like that again.

He buried his face in his hands as he laid on the uncomfortable hotel mattress. His eyes were hot with tears, and he bit his lip in an attempt to stop a sob from escaping.

What the hell was he going to do?

“Fuck you, Eren.” He cursed audibly. He needed someone to scream at him, and he needed that person to be you. He wanted you to let out all the anger and frustration he knew you were feeling towards him. He longed to hear you yell at him, to let him know just how much he had hurt you. The need to take it all in was enormous, to feel the weight of his mistakes and the suffering he had caused. Knowing it wouldn’t be easy, he was ready to face it all if it meant that there was a slight chance he could still make things right with you and Lily.

The beeping of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he reluctantly pulled his attention away from his inner turmoil to check the notification. It was his dad. He was inviting him to dinner.

As much as Eren wanted to get a bottle of whiskey and just drawn himself in his sorrows, he knew he needed to tell Grisha what happened. He needed to tell him that he had a granddaughter, who was living just mere minutes away from him.

As he drove to his father’s house, his mind was spinning with all the possible outcomes of the impending conversation. Would his father be angry? Would he be happy? Would he even believe him? Or.. did he know already? No. He would’ve told him. There was no way he would keep that kind of information from him.

As he came closer to his old home, his anxiety only grew, but he knew that he had to push it through.

Finally, when he saw the white picket fence his father and him painted all those years ago, he inhaled deeply, and walked to the front door. Before he could knock, his father had already opened it.

“Eren,” Grisha said, a little surprised, “that was fast.”

Eren clenched his sweaty palms, “Dad, we need to talk.”

His father nodded, “We sure do.”

…..

“Made your mother’s favourite,” Grisha told his son while holding a ceramic dish with his oven mittens, positioning it at the center of the dining table. But that comment fell on deaf ears. Eren’s foot was bouncing nervously under the table, while his mind was preoccupied with how best to serve the news. With the intent to calm his nerves down, he tried to focus on the present moment.

“That looks delicious, dad.” He said, trying to sound casual, “Thanks.”

Grisha gave his son a small smile, but he could tell that something had happened today. It was written all over his face.

After plating the food, his father finally took a seat. He then positioned both elbows on the table, looking Eren straight in the eyes.

“So.. how’d it go?”

This was it. He had to tell him now.

Eren fixed his posture before clearing his throat, “Dad, I.. I have something to tell you.”

Grisha didn’t speak, hiding the lower part of his face in his hands.

“Y/n, she.. she has a kid. I suppose you already know that. I met her today.” His fingers were trembling, “Dad, that kid.. she’s mine. That’s-“, he cleared his throat again, already fighting back tears, “That’s my daughter.”

The older man’s face was unreadable, which made Eren’s heart pump even more rapidly. Bracing himself for his reaction, he watched as the older man lowered his hands, revealing an impassive expression.

“She has your mother’s eyes, don’t you think?”

The words sank in the younger man’s years, but his mind couldn’t grasp them.

And then, it dawned on him.

“Wait-“, his mouth became dry, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

His father turned his eyes on the meal in front of him, mixing it around with his fork.

“So.. you knew.” Eren’s disappointment was painted all over his face and voice.

After taking a bite of his food, Grisha looked up at his son, “Of course I knew.”

Eren’s confusion bubbled up like a boiling pot of water that was dangerously close from spilling. He couldn’t fathom how his father wouldn’t tell him as soon as he first saw him. As if there was anything more important than telling him he had a whole kid.

“Why.. why the hell didn’t you tell me?” His voice raised with every word.

“Do not curse at me, boy.” Grisha’s tone turned stern as he laid his fork beside his meal, his dark eyes fixed on his son, “You think we didn’t try to tell you? You think we didn’t blow your phone up? Guess what, you never picked up. And then,”, his voice grew quiet, “when she was born, I drove to one of your concerts. Nobody believed I was your father, but I somehow managed to persuade one of the bouncers to let me see you.”

Eren’s heart skipped beat after beat, failing to remember any of what his father was telling him.

“You told me to go away. I don’t think you could even comprehend what I was telling you. I don’t know what you were on.. but the guy I saw in that dressing room wasn’t my son.” The finality of Grisha’s words felt like a knife being stabbed inside his son’s heart, “Lily deserved better than that guy.”

The shame Eren felt was overwhelming. The need to let his anger out was so immense, his whole body began to shake. Without saying another word, he stormed out of the dining room, grabbed his keys, and left the house.

When he got inside his car, his fist repeatedly slammed against the stirring wheel.

“Fuck!”

After all this, he knew what he needed. A drink, and he needed it bad.

…..

The building of the old bar was aged and weathered, with a peeling paint and a faded sign that read “The Dusty Boot”. The windows were grimy and the door creaked as Eren pushed it open.

Inside, the room was dimly lit, and smelled of stale beer and cigarettes. The walls were lined with old photographs and memorabilia from the town’s glory days, while the bar itself was made of dark wood and looked scarred from years of use.

Still, it felt like home.

Eren sat down on one of the stools, the weight of today’s emotions pressing down on him hard. His head hurt, and he was tired, more tired than spending a whole day on stage. The bartender, an old man with a bushy white beard he remembered from years ago, approached him.

“What can I get ya, son?” He asked while his hands were busy wiping a pint glass with a cloth.

“Just a beer.”

The old man nodded and pulled out a cold bottle of beer from the fridge. He popped the cap off and placed it in front of Eren, “Tough day?”

Nodding once, he took a sip of the cold liquid. The man seemed to understand, so he just continued cleaning glasses, occasionally glancing over at him. The bar was quiet, with only a few patrons scattered around the room. Hushed old country music played in the background, adding to the calm atmosphere.

Eren drank beer after beer, trying to rid himself of some of the guilt he felt, even if only for a little bit. After a few rounds, he understood that it was a task impossible. His thoughts were like little needles prickling at his heart and brain, and the alcohol he consumed only seemed to magnify them.

He thought.. He though about so many things, and they all concerned you. He wondered about what had gone on right after he left you. How alone you must’ve felt, how betrayed. He thought about his dad, and how helpless he must’ve been, knowing you were suffering because of his son. He cursed himself inwardly for storming off earlier, but had he stayed, he would’ve probably said things he didn’t mean. Let anger out that wasn’t directed at anyone else but himself. Anger that only he deserved.

“Hey, aren’t you the singer from that band?” The bartender asked after some time, pulling Eren from his somber thoughts. Great. That was all he needed right now. Usually, he didn’t mind people asking him about his career, but tonight he was hoping to stay unbothered. “Yes you are. Eren Jaeger, was it?” The old man continued, “Grisha Jaeger’s son. Been a long time since I’ve seen you hang around here.”

“Been a long time since I’ve been home.” Eren replied, keeping his tone neutral.

“My daughter, she’s sixteen-“, the bartender continued, much to Eren’s dismay, “she’s a big fan of yours. She’d be so stoked if she knew you were here.”

Eren managed a small smile. “That’s nice to hear.”

“Hey, uh..”, the man reluctantly began, catching onto Eren’s reluctance to talk about his fame, “do you think maybe you could sign an autograph for her? If it’s not much trouble.”

Eren hesitated for a moment, but before he could agree, a voice was heard from somewhere behind him, “Now, are you sure your daughter needs an autograph from a man like him, chief?”

Eren became rooted in place as he recognised the voice of the man who was now standing inches beside him. A man with whom he once shared a friendship.

“Well, well”, there was amusement, but also hostility in his tone, “look what the cat dragged in.”

Eren swallowed another sip of his beer, then, without having much option, turned to inspect the man the voice belonged to.

Jean Kirstein. He was different than Eren’s last memories. Tall as ever, his ashy-brown hair was now slicked back and at his nape. He had a bit of a goatee, but still the same annoying smirk that Eren remembered all too well. It was a smirk that conveyed both confidence and arrogance, as if he knew something that Eren didn’t.

“Jean,” the green-eyed man nodded in greeting before turning back to his drink.

“Eren. Long time no see.” Jean sat on the stool next to him, ordering a drink of his own. “I heard you’d come back a few days ago.”

“Yeah?” Eren kept his tone casual, but guarded.

“It’s a small town. Didn’t believe it at first.” He could see Jean take a swig of his drink with the corner of his eye, “I thought “What would the great Eren Jaeger be caught doing in a place like this?” A place he so desperately wanted to run away from.”

Eren’s grip on his beer tightened, body tensing. Despite all the alcohol in his system, he managed to keep his cool, replying curtly, “I came back for personal reasons.”

Jean raised an eyebrow, ““Personal reasons?”” A patronising laugh filled the space between them, “That’s not like you. You always seemed to be running away from something.”

At that sentence, Eren shot him a sharp look. His nerves were already heightened enough today, “I’m not running away from anything.”

“Sure you’re not.” Jean brought his glass to his mouth before saying, “There probably isn’t a pregnant girl to run away from now.”

It happened in a second. Eren’s fists curled around Jean’s shirt, his stool on the ground.

His emerald eyes blazed with fury as he pulled Jean towards him, their faces inches apart. "Don't you fucking dare," he growled, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

“Hey, hey, now calm down boys!” The old barman shouted, bringing his hands in the air, “This ain’t no place for this.”

Jean's smirk disappeared as he registered the intensity in Eren's eyes. He tried to push him away, but his grip was too strong. "Let go of me, Jaeger.”

Eren's grip tightened even more, his knuckles turning white. "You don't get to bring her up like that," he gritted through his teeth.

“Oh, did you finally remember she existed?”

The final button had been pushed. Eren’s fist landed on Jean’s face with a loud thud, causing him to stumble backwards and fall off his stool. The other men in the bar gasped and murmured, some of them getting up to leave, others standing to get a better look at what was happening.

The barman rushed over to the two men, trying to separate them. "That's enough, boys! Take it outside if you have to, but not in here!"

Eren was heaving with anger, anger so radiant, it was like steam coming off of his body. His eyes were still fixed on Jean, who was now holding his bleeding nose. For a moment, the two men just glared at each other, until the taller one stood up from the ground, trying to regain his composure. Straightening his collar, he looked at the blood on his hand, a provoking smirk crossing his lips.

“You can still pack a punch, I’ll give you that.”

“Okay, you go now, come on.” The bartender tapped Eren on the shoulder, “we don’t condone that kind of behavior around here.”

“It’s alright, chief,” Jean put his hand in the air as a sign of protest, “It was my fault. I’ll be the one to leave.”

Eren’s fists were clenched so hard, his veins were visible. His head was spinning from the mix of the alcohol and the adrenaline the whole encounter brought. As he watched Jean pull out his wallet to pay for his drink, he tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath and unclenching his fists.

“Oh.. one more thing.”

Sharp pain was felt throughout his whole left side, most notably in his eye. Eren hit the ground, his hand flying to his temple, which was now throbbing uncontrollably. His vision was blurry, the pain quickly traveling to his whole head.

“That was for her, you piece of shit.” Jean spat before he turned around to leave.

Eren tried to get up, but the pain was too severe, and the beers he’d drunk didn’t make it any easier.

It became all blurry after that. The last thing he heard were the bartender’s and his father’s muffled voices, and then a car engine starting.

But the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.. was Lily.

And you.

And as much of a drunken fool as he was, that night, he still fell asleep with a smile on his face.

…..

A/N: Hi🥹 I can’t express to you how happy I am that there is interest in this story. This chapter was a little tough to write and I hope I did it justice as much as I could. I’m going to try and post a chapter every week or two, so stay tuned!

Ps: if you want to be tagged, just say so<3 reblogs are deeply appreciated.

Tag list:

@vlsquuu @love-is-sick @shima707 @6sakusa @p4lli @intimacywithcelestine @docufanfic @jaegersdiary @xcelestina @fvckingeetar @theforest @roronoazorosbxtchh @hannaburnout

[saintelilore]

Hello helllo Dellya and Rosie!!

So, I have me some questions—

1) I know that Assad’s relationship with Charlie is rocky. Was there ever a situation where Assad has shown even a slight inclination towards protecting Charlie?

2) Reigniting the Hakeem x Rosie x Rodrigo debate, according to both of you which one of the boys is actually better for Rosie? (As in who has the scale tipping in, even minorly, in their favor? Who would Riley see as a good partner for Rosie out of the two?

3) Has Riley ever intentionally (out of selfishness) lead on our little carrot boi 🥺?

4) Also can I occasionally send prompts :0?

Like this one—

Assad x Riley, Deleted voicemails, unsent texts

( in my head “Do I wanna know” is a song that I associate with them hehe :3 )

That was all !!!

I’ll be back in town again!/silly

💜- Ashe

HI ASHEEE

Probably when they were both kids, Assad used to show a LITTLE bit of affection towards Charlie, but never in a protective way. Charlie’s Pokémon card is an example, it was seen as a gesture of affection to him, but Assad saw it as a way to mock him for his hair color. So, there was never a genuine protecting behavior unless Charlie's mother asked him to (like making sure he comes in one piece from a party, lmao) - mod Dellya

For me, I think Hakeem is actually the better option for Rosie. Hakeem is not bad genuinely. In the sense that his actions are not meant to hurt, he's very sincere and tries to put other people over him. On the other hand, even if Rodrigo was more passionate and explicit about loving Rosie, he would be very...abusive when it comes to her emotions. It's Canon that Rodrigo tried to push away Rosie from the gang just cause he didn't like them. He would isolate her eventually. - mod Dellya DON'T LISTEN TO HER SHES LYING (she's not </3) But yeah, while Rodrigo was Rosie's first and only boyfriend at the time-- she'd been pining for Hakeem since they were younger (give or take, about seven years). They have their own advantages; Hakeem being the one she longed for and Rodrigo being the one she was actually able to cherish even if it was for a short amount of time. But ultimately? Hakeem solos. - mod Rosie

Gulps... Riley never had the intention to use Charlie's feelings but has done it anyway a few times. I think at some point he realizes Charlie likes him and has tried to ignore it or tried putting him down gently, but it's clearly not enough 😭 Granted, Riley doesn't just sleep with Assad because he loves him nor does he sleep with Charlie cause he's 'second best'-- while Riley isn't that much of a sex maniac, he does hook up with people, not just them. So selfishness and pity kinda teeters on a scale back and forth. - mod Rosie

AND YES ABSOLUTELY !! We both would love to see whatever prompts you come up with 🩵Just let us know if you wanted smth for the one you gave as an example

- mod Rosie

[shallowseeker]

Don't grieve in front of me, Dean. It makes me uncomfortable, part II...or prequel?

How'd I get here again?

Oh, yeah. I got here, because I got excited about the cars. I remembered Dean driving a brownish tan/brown car in THE SCENE from Slash Fiction? Pinto, I wondered. FORD?

Alas. It's a Pontiac Acadian. I was so hopeful. It's a VERY similar style though. But it definitely calls to mind the car when Cas n' Dean presided over Mary's loss of John in 4x03. It looks like the car on the beach in 13x01, when Dean is grieving Cas. And this...is 7x06, when Dean is ALSO grieving Cas.

It's also VERY interesting how the break light's out on the driver's side. That's because Dean is out of commission. In SPN, often the headlights or the break lights show which brother is "down for the count." At the end of season 1, ep 1, it's Sam who's down-and-out, because he lost Jess.

Here, it's Dean. He "appears" on, but the break light shows us the truth.

We cut from the "out break light" to...THE winged Pony, hanged. The pony is the light. It's yellow. It's the sunshine. Because the light is out.

It's winged. It's in the rearview. it's noosed around the neck, like how Cas said that freewill is something you hang yourself with. He cuts it off and throw it into the backseat, desperate to forget. Cause it's Caaa---

Anyway. You could argue Dean is lamenting the life he'd left behind, but the Lisa-Ben dynamic was Dean's Ford Truck phase, and this winged thing is-- it's just-- it's just 100% pointing to Cas. If you don't think so, the next bit is damning.

Sam turns on the radio to make Dean feel better. A sad song comes on, and Dean drops the act for a MILLISECOND. And Sam? He says SORRY.

Then, he gets uncomfortable.

It's the earlier match to the peanut-butter-and-jelly-strong-choice scene from season 13x06 (widow era).

Sam is afraid of this kind of grief. (And for good reason. Thanks, John!)

"What would you say if I called on you now..." is the first line. Come when you call, etc etc etc. And Dean looks just about ready to burst into tears. No, watch the scene. He looks devastated when he hears it and realizes what it is, like a little intake of breath.

Dean grieves Cas...with music.

Ah, the familiar pattern. Dean is struggling to be allowed to grieve in this season. Everyone's terrified of his grief, even Bobby, who demands he "not be a person" and "keep doing the job" in a desperate plea to keep Dean from "dying before he does." Bobby doesn't know what to say or how to grieve, so he tries to keep Dean alive the only way he can think of, with utilitarian pragmatism.

But Dean needs to feel his emotions. Even though the scene above is played for laughs, it's really about Dean's emotions leaking out despite his attempts to hide it.

Ahem. Not writing Dean-Cas till "later seasons," my ass. Dean wore his heart on his sleeve whenever he was "allowed" to. My gosh!

///

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT A small, old hatchback is driving down the road. INT. HATCHBACK – NIGHT A yellow My Little Pony is dangling from the rear-vision mirror. DEAN squeezes it and it squeaks. He takes out a knife, cuts it down and tosses it into the back seat. It squeaks again as it lands.

SAM: You okay? DEAN: You know, it's bad enough that they're ganking people, wearing our mugs, but now this? Have us driving around in this... this caboodle while Baby's on lockdown. SAM: It's temporary, Dean. DEAN: Nobody puts Baby in a corner. SAM: Y-you know that's a line from -- DEAN: Swayze movie. Swayze always gets a pass! SAM: Right. Uh, well, you want some tunes or something? Here. SAM turns on the car radio. MUSIC: Air Supply’s “All Out Of Love” ♪ And what would you say if I called on you now and said that I can't hold on ♪ SAM looks at DEAN. SAM: Sorry, man, I-I... DEAN: Just leave it. Probably gonna be the only thing on. ♪ There's no easy way, it gets harder each day ♪ Please love me or I'll be gone ♪ I'll be gone ♪ SAM looks at the map FRANK gave him and DEAN starts to lip-sync along to the music. ♪ I'm all out of love ♪ I'm so lost without you ♪ SAM looks over at DEAN. ♪ I know you were right ♪ believing for so long ♪ I'm all out of love ♪ DEAN notices that SAM is watching him and stops singing. ♪ What am I without you? ♪ DEAN looks away out the driver’s side window. ♪ I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong ♪ Oh ♪ DEAN starts to lip-sync again. ♪ What are... ♪ SAM looks at him and he stops again. ♪...you thinking of? ♪ DEAN moves his head in time with the music. ♪ What are you -- ♪ SAM: Here. SAM switches off the radio and they sit in silence. SAM studies the map. Jericho is circled.

///

Someday I'll do a thing about all the car-hopping they have to do until, you know, Dean is "Dean" again.

Dean, going through the motions, "acting like one of the dead ones." And...the Impala makes a return once Dean accepts that Cas can't help, and then Cas says he's gonna go with to try and mitigate the wreckage he left.

Cas agreed to try and "fix" things, just as Dean accepted their brokenness. (No ones cares if you're broken so long as you try.)

And the we see Baby again for the first time. Hmmmm.

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

New Perspective on Your Past or Current Lover

✨Donate to my CashApp💫

Hey, babes! Thanks for supporting me by interacting with this post. If you feel so inclined please donate to my CashApp so I can do this full-time. <3 Take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new experiences.

Today the decks used are Ethereal Visions Illuminations Tarot, The Pure Magic Oracle, and The Crystallary Oracle. I meant for this to be a chill and fun reading but it ended up being shadow work. Also heads up, some of the readings have some NSFW mentioned as well as abuse/trauma mentioned. Only interact with this post if you are 18+. Thanks!

_______

PILE ONE

Astrology: Libra, Taurus, Scorpio

Song: I Miss the Misery by Halestorm

Vibes: Deep purple, emerald green, rich ruby red, jewel tones, crystal necklace, BDSM, flower bouquets, cats, predator animals, 555, green tea, camping, Sundays, ice cream, aphrodite

Cards: 5 of wands, 5 of cups, Vervian Everlasting, Hallowed Heart, Sugilite, Emerald

Welcome pile one. The way I read cards makes it so people energy's might intertwined. So, I could be talking about you while wording it as if it's about your partner or vice versa.

So, let's get started. First, the current view you have of your partner is really grounded and put together. They put on this persona to make you feel safe and secure when you are with them. They don't feel like a romantic partner though, not yet anyway. They are probably a friend with benefits or someone you exclusively see for sexual reasons. I think when y'all started exploring together they took charge of leading the experience. They are definitely a dom/top. They taught you a lot about what you enjoy in sex. They showed you kinks you had no idea existed until you heard it from them. They give off leader energy big time. When they look at you sometimes their gaze makes you feel like prey. You might have feelings for them but they are blocked by a perceived lack of interest from your sexual partner. From your perspective, you don't think that is something they want.

The new perspective the cards want you to see about this person is a much softer view than you currently have. This person is a hopeless romantic and they have been slowly falling for you since y'all started seeing each other. They might not even realize it themselves yet. I think you should shift your view to include that there is a gentleness to them that seeps out from time to time. Sometimes they bring you flowers unexpectedly before your sessions. You can always tell they showered right before coming over. You first thought this was just something courteous they did but they are so down bad for you. The main indicator for all this is the after-care they give you. They draw a bath for you and make you a delicious meal after every session. Again this is something you viewed as very courteous but genuinely they just really wanna make you feel romanced. They REEEEEALY want to impress you. You make them so nervous. I see them lying in bed at home thinking about you dreamily. They are usually daydreaming about having a domestic life with you. Picnics in the park. Anniversary dates. Maybe having a family together. They really want a future with you but they have convinced themselves it isn't possible. I see they probably had some bad relationships in the past where they were only viewed as useful when they were having sex. Now they are convinced that is all they are good for. :( If you feel so inclined I recommend slowly and gently working your way up to dates with them that aren't sexual in nature. Call them just to talk, not just for phone sex. I think if you feed them hints like this it will ease them into the idea that they are more than a sex toy and open up a new relationship opportunity for you. Good Luck!

________

PILE TWO

Astrology: Sagittarius, Aries, Gemini

Song: i like the way you kiss me by Artemas/ Two Poltergeists by Dalton Deschain

Vibes: Red, orange, gold, silver, prayer beads, roses, peonies, globe, quartz, garden, lemons, 1010, crown chakra, Hermes, dandelion, sage, red meat, Horus, hawk

Cards: The Hierophant, 7 of Pentacles, Astral Travels, Ancient Amulets, Ruby, Carnelian

Welcome in, pile 2! Your current perception of your partner is interesting. This is a past partner, not a current one. They did some kind of love magic on you. I am feeling very foggy-headed right now while reading so I assume you have gotten that feeling a lot when you are around this person or when you think about them. Which makes me think your view of them is distorted by the magic. Let me clear your vision. You were very possessive of them which isn't a normal thing you do with your partners. You both knew each other for a long time. I see y'all started out as friends and they slowly lured you into their web. I see they gave you a necklace or a piece of jewelry during your friendship that changed your feelings about them. After you started wearing that jewelry, you started feeling very strange. I see you might have had wet dreams about them but only after they gifted this object to you. It was a very abrupt shift in emotions. Good news and bad news about this. The good news is that they had/have no intention of hurting you. They just wanted to be with you. The bad news is if you weren't under their spell, your life would transform into an entirely different experience. They worked really hard cultivating the perfect personality to put on for you which made the love spell also remove a lot of your authenticity. I'm sure for some of you this doesn't change your view at all but for others' of you I can see getting very angry or even grossed out by learning this new information.

If you wish to know what you would be like if you escaped their spell, the rest of this reading will talk about that. To escape their web you must find a way to get rid of the jewelry given to you. You would be an entirely different person if you do choose to get rid of it. However, you wouldn't be tied down anymore. You would be able to travel a lot more and explore your own identity and spirituality. I see you have tried to do spiritual exploration while owning the jewelry piece but the spell they put on you has been putting a glass ceiling on your growth. I see how many times you have attempted astral travel and meditation. It never goes how you expect. I see you falling asleep during meditation and not having many dreams at all. Be prepared to change drastically as a person if you decide to get rid of the object. I wish you luck, my friend. I hope you can free yourself with ease.

_______

PILE THREE

Astrology: Cancer, Pisces, Virgo

Song: Mixed Messages by Tom Cardy

Vibes: Green, teal, cerulean, insomnia, snakes, cicadas, scarab beetle, rosemary, nightmares, queen Isis, mother Nut, long showers, anxiety, molecular gastronomy, mixologist, mangrove trees

Cards: The Moon, 9 of Swords, Snake Skin, Banyan Blessings, Chrysocolla, Moonstone

Welcome to your reading pile 3. Just a heads up, when I do love readings the energies can get all tied up. So, if you get the feeling I am talking about you but I am wording it as if I am talking about your partner (or vice versa) that is why.

I see that you don't really know how to view your partner. It is a current relationship but they are quite mysterious to you so it might be kind of early on in the relationship. They keep a lot of their emotions to themselves. Especially, the negative emotions. Usually, they brush off your concern for them. They use comedy to deflect and avoid talking about some of the things they struggle with. They are a super attentive partner outside of this though. Like I see they are so sweet to you about your feelings. Also tbh, they are an absolute riot when it comes to jokes.

Now before I tell you about what they have been hiding. I want you to know they keep all of their negative emotions a secret to protect themselves. I do not advise you bring any of this new information to them. In fact, I advise against it. It will make them feel cornered and scared. They might lash out at you out of fear or shut down entirely. Neither of these will be productive to your connection if you want it to stay healthy. They have PTSD and depression. They experience nightmares constantly about their trauma. It's why they shut down sometimes when you start to get frisky with them. It's why they are fine about sexual stuff sometimes but freeze up/tense up at other times. Please be patient with them. They have been through some truly awful stuff in the past. I see how healthy of a relationship they have with you now. They really feel super safe and comforted by you. You feel the same way about them. Be as patient as you possibly can be. Eventually, they will open up to you about it. When they do, you need to be super supportive. Please encourage them to find professional help through therapy. I can kind of see them being resistant to the idea at first. If you offer to help by going with them to therapy for moral support they might feel more open to the idea. Let them heal at their own pace. Allow them to speak for themselves in therapy. I know it can be tempting to speak for them as a way of assisting but for real all it's gonna do is make them feel even more out of control than they already do. They can heal from this. They want to open up to you but they are so scared. I believe in you and them. The universe put you two together for a reason. <3

________

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Leo, Capricorn, Aquarius

Song: Ghosting by Mother Mother

Vibes: All shades of blue, glowing orange, red, balcony, ancestors, roses, volcano, royalty, swords, apples, grapes, crowns, red carpet, red curtain, purity ring, poetry, blood

Cards: 2 of Wands, 3 of Swords, Lapis Lazuli, Larimar, Secret Seances, Florida Water

Hi, pile 4! My love readings like to tangle up different peoples' energy together so if it sounds like I'm talking about you but using words as if I am talking about your partner(or vice versa) that is why! Just swap them in ur mind real quick lol.

You actually really struggle to see your partner with clarity. I wanna make it clear that isn't your fault. When I first looked at the cards I could tell either you or your partner (or both) have been in some REEEAL bad relationships. Like, real fucking bad. You were not treated well. Your ex was two-faced. They acted one way in public but as soon as you two were behind closed doors this person turned into a demon. Not the hot and sexy kind of demon. They were a physically/verbally abusive kind of demon. Your ex wouldn't even let you have opinions much less let you speak your mind or listen to you. They are legit the scum of the earth. The partner you are with is nothing like them. They are the exact opposite of that actually. They do feel like they have a temper though. Which I see does scare you sometimes. Even if it isn't ever aimed at you. They love hearing you talk. They love it when you get passionate about the things you like! They understand you and love you so so so so so so so so much!!!!! The ghosts of the past ex have passed on.

I recognize that it isn't going to be easy to reposition your perspective because of your previous experiences in love. But, I promise the partner you are with is safe to be around. They will never be like your ex. Cleanse your vision of love. Heal your broken heart. Maybe express to your current partner that sometimes you feel scared when you don't need to be because of the trauma. I see them listening intently while you speak. I see them consoling you. They truly, deeply love you, my dear. I guarantee it. Communicating how you feel and listening to your partner is what makes the strongest relationships. It is safe to be yourself now.

[library-ghoulette]

Under the Spell - Chapter 2/?

Pairing: Mary Goore x f!OC

Rating: Mature (mostly for language, SFW, later chapters will be NSFW)

Tags: first person POV, unnamed Sister of Sin OC, he/they Mary Goore, slowburn, banter, jealousy, stressed out overachiever, if I don't admit that I'm attracted to you then it's not really happening

Words: 1704

Summary: Mary Goore is spending the summer at the Abbey to assist with the Ghost Project when one of the Sisters of Sin catches his eye. Can they find love--or even just a place to hook up--under the wrathful gaze of Sister Imperator? (chapter one)

A/N: Sorry not sorry ghesties, but I love a slowburn. And making them fight! It's their foreplay, I promise.

ao3 link

divider by @gothdaddyissues

I spend the next week haunted by Mary Goore. They don’t appear again at the courtyard bench where I take my furtive stress-smoking breaks–not that I hope they will–but that seems like the only place in the Abbey unmarked by their presence.

Everywhere else? They seem to follow like a song I hate but can’t get out of my head. They brush past me in the hall on my way to class. They’re leaving Sister Imperator’s office right when I need to talk to her about something. They even sit on the far end of my pew during mass–which I’m sure they only attend to annoy me–leaning forward across the other worshippers to catch my eye and wave.

They talk too loudly, and they laugh too much, and I have no idea how they’re managing to get any work done for the Ghost Project when they never seem to be in the music room. Why would they do any work, when they could be following me? 

Or when he could be sitting across from me in the dining hall, surrounded by a gaggle of Sisters, all of whom are looking up at him with bright smiles, playing with their hair and giggling at remarks that I’m certain couldn’t have been that fucking funny, touching his arm and–

My roommate nearly shouts my name from across the table, and I snap my attention back to her. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

She sighs. “I was saying, that’s so annoying.”

“What is?” I realize that I’ve lost the thread of our conversation so thoroughly that she could be talking about anything from being put on extra cleaning duty to the cafeteria not having the good french fries today, and I have no idea which. 

She flaps a hand Mary’s direction. I look over just long enough for them to catch my eye and give me a wink before I turn away again. 

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. He acts like he owns the place, and everyone falls all over themselves trying to get his attention.” She adjusts the clip holding back her profusion of dark curls and says something that I don’t quite catch, because there’s another wave of giggles from Mary’s table and I look over to see him stretching his arms over his head, the hem of his shirt rising just enough to reveal a sliver of pale skin right above his studded belt–

“Huh?” I ask, when my roommate reaches out to poke my hand.

“I said, I’m glad you’re not taking part in all that nonsense.”

“Oh. Yeah, I uh… I don’t really see the appeal.”

She gives me a suspicious look, eyes narrowing and lips twisting to the side in an expression that I know too well. “You’ve been so spacey lately.”

“Yeah, I know.” I drop my eyes to my plate, dragging my fork through the remnants of my salad. “I’m just kind of stressed out about my classes and everything.”

“Well, if you want to do some extra studying together, let me know,” she says. “The summer is going to be over before we know it, and if you want Sister Imperator to approve you to take your vows this fall–”

“Yeah, that would probably be good,” I cut her off, before she can fully launch into yet another reminder of why I’m spending my summer studying instead of… whatever it is that fun people do with their summers. “I’m free tomorrow after–oh shit, what time is it?”

She checks her watch. “Uh, 1:30?”

I swear under my breath, a litany of shitshitshit as I gather my things. “I’m half an hour late for my library shift.”

“Go on,” she says, stopping me as I toss my trash onto my tray. “I’ve got this.”

I might feel annoyed with myself for eliciting the look of concerned pity she gives me, if I had the time to spare. As it is, I almost sprint out the door and across the Abbey to the library.

I stash my bag in the librarian’s office with my apologies, shrug on my cardigan to ward off the air-conditioned chill, and collect a cart of books ready to be returned to their shelves.

I love my shifts in the Ministry library, hours when  I can disappear into soothing work, cushioned by the susurrus of research happening all around me, the turning of pages and the tapping keys forming the perfect backdrop for my thoughts. 

I’m looking forward to resuming the comfort of my usual routine, to clearing my mind and maybe passively mulling over Secondo’s notes on my most recent Latin translation. But when I locate the correct range and turn down the aisle, an all-too-familiar disheveled head peeks around the next shelf, stopping me short.

“What are you doing here?” I hiss.

“Research?” Mary offers.

“Nice try, but try again.”

“Okay, fine. I saw you giving me the eye back there in the cafeteria. Thought you might want some company.”

“You followed me?” I can already feel that tell-tale blush that I hate creeping up out of my collar and across the face, the one that makes people confuse pissed off for something else.

Mary grimaces as they approach. “Followed makes it sound creepy.”

“It is”--my words come out louder than I intend, and I catch myself, because they are not going to bait me into making a scene in the middle of the library--”it is creepy. Go away.”

Of course, he doesn’t go away. 

“Are you trying to deny a humble seeker of knowledge the opportunity to improve their mind and grow in their dark faith?” he asks, voice dripping affronted piety as he plucks a book from the shelf at random. 

“Fine,” I sigh. “But be quiet. And don’t bother me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” They lean against the shelf and flip the book open with an exaggerated motion that makes me cringe for the poor book’s spine. I try to go back to my work, but I can feel their eyes on me, and it can’t be more than a minute before they’re talking again.

“Did you know that weird Cardinal has, like, a whole stash of antique porn hidden in here somewhere?” Mary asks, snaping the book shut, voice getting progressively louder. “I hear it’s the really weird stuff!”

I hear a grumble from one of the nearby study carrels as someone shoots us a glare, and I shush Mary with a light slap on the arm with the book I’m holding.

“Shut up. And go away.” I turn to shelve the book in my hand. “I’m trying to work.”

Mary doesn’t leave, just cocks their head at me mischievously and rubs the spot where I hit them, right over the devil inked into their skin. “Sure, I’ll go away. If you come meet me tonight.”

The retort is poised on the tip of my tongue, but to my surprise, what comes out of my mouth is, “Meet you? Where?”

“The cemetery.”

I shake my head. “No.”

“It’ll be fun.”

“No, Goore.”

“Ugh! So impersonal!” He clasps a hand over his heart, wounded. “Don’t you think we’re on a first-name basis, babe?”

“No. And I’ve told you not to call me that.”

I start to wheel the book cart away, rolling down the aisle to the next range of books I have to shelve, finished with this conversation. But Mary’s hand shoots out, grabbing me gently around my upper arm, their calloused touch setting off sparks inside me, sparks that I refuse to label as anything other than anger.

I’m about to say something scathing, but they lean close, and the openness of their expression stays my tongue.

“I’m sorry,” they say. “I’m an asshole, I know. But seriously. The cemetery, midnight. We’ll have a little picnic, just you and me.” A lopsided grin. “It’ll be nice.”

I bite my lip, considering, looking down at their hand where it still rests on my arm. For whatever reason, I don’t shrug it off. And they don’t take it away.

Here is the part when I say no, I think. But what I say instead is, “Maybe.”

Mary smirks like he knows, just knows, that “maybe” really means “yes,” and it makes me want to take it back now to spite him. But I can see where the conversation goes next if I say no: the way he will relish teasing me for not having the guts while I get increasingly flushed and flustered, looking every bit the good girl being pestered by the bad boy who won’t leave her alone. Worse, looking like the good girl who doesn’t want the bad boy to leave her alone.

They’re leaning in close enough now that I can smell them: clinging smoke, the salty tang of sweat, and something spicy and earthy. There is a small voice inside of me that urges me to lean in closer, to breathe in more of that oddly intoxicating scent. That small voice assures me that if I just tilt my head up ever so slightly and close my eyes, then Mary will meet me halfway. 

Stupid. What would I want that for? He’s distracting, and annoying, and–

“Midnight,” he says again, breaking my train of thought and the inexplicable spell I had fallen under. “Don’t be late.”

I roll my eyes. “Maybe,” I say again.

“I’ll take maybe.” They squeeze my arm gently, briefly, before finally releasing me, having gotten what they wanted from me. 

I should let them go, should be relieved to be left alone, left to get back to the work I’m here to do. But for reasons unknown even to me, I say, “I’ve seen it, by the way.” 

It works: they turn back, intrigued. “Seen what?”

“Cardinal Copia’s porn collection.” Nonchalant, eyes cast down as I rearrange a misfiled book on my cart.

“No shit? Was it weird?”

I shrug, leveling him with a deliberate gaze. “I’ve seen weirder.”

And just for a moment, I’m rewarded with the rarest of occurrences: Mary Goore rendered speechless. 

And then one of those smiles that says I’ve won this round, while promising that there will be another.

“See you tonight, Sister.”