xosomao

[xosomao]

it's gonna be a lot of work

[xosomao]

sometimes i draw portraits of people i like. this one is based on a photo

[xosomao]

hi, tumblr

this is not my usual type of content, I'm an artist first and foremost, but I'd like to start a conversation about tweets I've seen recently and found myself disagreeing with

I'd like to point out the fact that I'm by no means making judgement and assumptions about the poster's character. matter of fact, i don't even know much about him and what type of opinions he shares. he is probably right about some things, but in this particular case I have to disagree

everyone has a different and unique outlook on life and is free to express their opinions respectfully. I'll be glad to read comments from people who agree with Richard Siken fully, as I can fail to get some of important nuances in his point of view, which I honestly think is pretty refreshing

imagine a situation where one person is in love with the other. yes, a very lackluster way to start a post, but i can't think of something better just yet. let's say that the type of love they feel is recognised as romantic. however, they don't know whether the other feels the same. if we take the tweet into consideration, it puts us in an uncomfortable position: if the other reciprocates, then the feeling really is love; if not, then it is merely a desire.

so the question is: why exactly the same type of feeling and experience will be given a different label depending on the others' response?

romantic love aside, I've seen many ways of people recognizing and accepting their emotions, but this is the first time I've seen someone redifine the experienced feeling based on the feedback. I even doubt that it's correct to reply to someone's "doesn't any of my unrequited feelings so far count as love?" anything other than "you decide", "yes, if you want it to be" or even something like "maybe, it's complicated". but the reply is "nope. none of them", which makes me quite uneasy. it is up to no one to decide what the other feels or is going through. only the other can name whatever they feel, and you can just help them. outright denying even the possibility of the experienced feeling being love is wrong.

the original poster seems to define the experienced feeling based on the response of the other and change the label accordingly. well, maybe love should go both ways to really be love? Siken believes exactly this. but why is this so, and if it is true, then why unreciprocated first love is "desire" and not something entirely else?

the point from which the feelings of a person should be analysed is the person in question and the outer factors which caused the feelings to form. however, changing the label of the experienced emotion depending on the outer reply seems not really logical.

imagine the romantic feelings in question as some type of proposal, a plan to do something together (i also picture it as a box with some gifts inside). now, imagine in your head a person making their way to the others' home to tell them about it. after a brief conversation, they find out that the other doesn't feel really enthusiastic about the plan and outright rejects participating. so, was it really a "proposal", or maybe now that it's rejected it becomes a "silly Idea" or "just an emotional endeavour"? does it change the fact that one of them was truly enthusiastic about it? no, it doesn't change the name of the thing itself, but we get some new information that has to do with it; that the other person doesn't really support it.

I think the same logic applies in case of first unrequited love, or second, or third, doesn't matter.

the problem also arises from different understanding of the concepts "love" and "desire". i think that because language can fail to describe our feelings fully, it leads to miscommunication for this very reason. but let's still talk about these two, shall we?

love. here we obviously talk about romantic love given the context, which is not felt by everyone (but opinions from aro people are appreciated!). it should be kept in mind that love is action and feeling combined. you feel it and you subsequently act on it. you care for the one you love, emotionally support them, give them space to express themselves fully and authentically, etc. love is willingness to put in effort, too. but sometimes both the feeling and the actions miss from the other party. that's when it becomes unrequited.

but just because the action wasn't met the opposite reaction doesn't mean that there was no action to begin with. just because love wasn't met with reciprocation doesn't mean that there was no love to begin with.

a sad viewpoint is seen in the original tweets. it really reads like "no matter what you feel or do, you don't love unless the other does". which is, in my opinion, not true.

by "desire" an eager but fleeting emotion is understood. this deep need to have something or someone. usually it is unstable and is considered a "lower" feeling than love, as it's heavily associated with lust

here comes the question of why exactly in this formula reciprocation (or lack thereof) is the key component in making the feeling we can't yet name either "love" or "desire".

desire (and sexual obviously too) can be reciprocated within the context of romantic relationships. however, I don't think that it'll automatically change the feeling that is being experienced to love (i don't think that it's something which op implies, just my thoughts here mostly). it may even feel wrong to associate a short-lived fiery fluke, the need to have someone, with love.

i also believe that a different kind of desire can exist within the human mind when one experiences first love. the desire of reciprocation itself, which is normal and human. i think that love and some type of desire can co-exist. but love always needs to be the dominant force, otherwise a long-term healthy relationship is almost impossible to have.

of course, reciprocation is a nice thing to have and it can greatly change the relationship you have with a person. it makes a person feel accepted and loved, and it's undoubtedly nice.

overall, my opinion on the matter is much different from Siken's. i think that we as people should simply learn to accept and deal with the fact that even our deepest and most pure feelings can be unrequited. unrequitedness in itself doesn't imply devaluation of feelings which we experienced or still experience. it doesn't change the name the feelings go by. it doesn't mean that the actions of love weren't actually those of love, but of desire.

it is great when love goes both ways, intertwines and connects. but a lot of the times it's not the case. we don't have to dodge the fact that our best feelings were denied. look how much love there's within you! yes, the truth is: you loved, oh so loved a person who didn't feel the same. nobody is at fault here. don't brush off what you've experienced as "just the first desire". face the fact: it was love. it was unrequited. nonetheless, you truly loved and even if it feels like there's no hope for you to fall in love again, time will prove you wrong.

there's nothing about love which screams "i have to be reciprocated to be valid, to even be called love!" it is the bitter truth about this area of the human experience. nobody owes you reciprocation. and same applies to you! you absolutely don't owe anyone anything. but wouldn't it be sad and even wrong to say "well, I don't feel the same, so the other person doesn't love me, they just deal with desire"? you decide.

and you maybe will experience desire. now, let's put it other way around: just because it's reciprocated doesn't make it love. it may come and then go. and it can accompany love sometimes, who knows.

and remember that you and only you can give name to whatever you feel or have felt. saying "well, i guess I've never loved then" after reading the tweets only makes you feel worse. but living with uncomfortable truth of you being able to love and not receive reciprocation is much better than convincing yourself that you've never loved to begin with. or just simply say "I don't know what it was", that's valid too.

fuck it, love! continue to love, and if you think that it truly is this feeling, then it is. appreciate all kinds of love, not only romantic. reciprocated, unrequited, platonic, queerplatonic, familial. take in the experience! you're allowed to feel different about the love you've felt later. you're allowed to define and redifine it yourself. let love change you.

with that being said, I want to close this post with a beautiful quote from Richard Siken,

"you've got all your loves ahead of you"

have a great day <3

p.s. maybe I felt the need to publicly disagree because I myself recover from this type of love. and I reject the idea of calling this "desire" instead, because then this experience feels undervalued. there's love, still love.

[xosomao]

[xosomao]

my latest scrapbooking pages! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

[xosomao]

my first-ever art tutorial! any suggestions for the next one are much appreciated!!

this one is krita only! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

[xosomao]

there she goes!

[xosomao]

To all Palestine supporters 🙏

🫂🫂

l am abeer from gaza 🇵🇸 l am 55 years old.I am married and have one daughter named Judy. I hope to return to the life we lived before the war. We lost everything . ‼️

Your donations are important To help us rebuild a new life.

Please help me reach our goal as soon as possible 🙏

We appreciate your help ❤️🙏

🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸❤🤍💚🖤

Please read our story in bio 🙏🏻https://gofund.me/1b8a0d05

please donate if you can 🤲🏻

[xosomao]

love potion no. 9

[xosomao]

[xosomao]

To all Palestine supporters 🌧🇵🇸

We have been asking for almost a month to reach our short term goal of €29.75k and we still need less than €220 to reach it‼️🇵🇸

Your donations are important to us and we appreciate them no matter what 🙏🇵🇸

We need you more than ever😭

Please help me reach our goal as soon as possible 🙏🇵🇸

[xosomao]

[xosomao]

An update on Bilal's situation

Hello everyone. This is Dennis, the person who's been promoting Bilal's fundraiser since August.

Bilal (@belalgaza2 , formerly @/shadowyavenuetaco) moved to Egypt on day 150 of the occupation (March 6th, 2024) along with some of his family members. His whole family did not come with him, though. For example, his uncle Mohammed (whose fundraiser you can find here) had to stay behind.

While Bilal is not in imminent danger, he still needs our help. You can't deprive someone of water after rescuing them from the desert.

If you're worried about the veridicity of this fundraiser, fear not; it has been vetted by 90-ghost (here).

If you can, donate, and if you cannot, please share with those who can.

£11,300/£50,000

EDIT: Bilal also asked me to promote his aunt's fundraiser, which I will link here;

This fundraiser is EXTREMELY LOW, and it needs urgent funding.

273CAD/50,000CAD

The conversion rates (if you use USD);

Tag list under the cut (constantly updated);

@milich96 @megxolotl @mulchette @joculine @dixxv-vetted-donations

@raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @the-bastard-king @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural

@vampyrobot @258punkweight @paimonthearchivist2 @residentevil-4 @nihilo-sensei

@heliopixels @mettaworldpiece @ankle-beez @humbuns @sneakerdoodle

@dragondemoness @divortion

@sillybillyanon

@mossmigi

@littlegrayfishes @hametsukaishi @kuuhaiyu @sponfawn

@xenosagaepisodeone @webkinzlid @bloodraven55 @girlinafairytale @milfygerard

@thekingofchungus @jezior0 @deedra-posting

@mulchette @fishtrouts @vetted-gaza-funds @loversager

@bewaretheidesofmarchyall

[xosomao]

hii everyone!! I'm pressed for money rn so I'm selling this YCH for 45USD. maybe you know some sites besides FA where I can sell it? let me know

[xosomao]

and now I'm disappearing

[xosomao]

do people still care about death note idk

[xosomao]

I tried my hand at making some of these