#but when i got transferred 2 records they said they can't do that

[doodlboy]

Ough

[leah-lover]

Closed for maintenance . Leah Williamson × reader

Reader embarks on a new journey with a new club. Part 1.

My day started out like any other in the past 4 weeks. The beeping sound of my alarm wakes me up, I dread the thought of getting up even though I still do, I get my shit together, I leave for training, come back a few hours later and go to bed early.

My days have been blending in ever since that heart shattering break up. However, today had a little twist to it. As I was leaving the gym to go to the physioroom I got called into the Manager's office. Upon getting in, the coach said “hey, so I called you here to let you know that we are going to transfer you. You have been an absolute killer for our team. You will always have a place between us. The thing is your dynamic with the team has been off which has been causing some tension. And the best thing I thought to do was to transfer you this January.” Shock couldn't describe the state I was in. Running on autopilot, I got out of the coach's office, got my things and departed home without talking to anybody, which has been my pattern this past month.

My head was in the clouds for the entire drive, and when I got home I threw myself on the coach and started sobbing. About 20 minutes later I called my best friend the only person I trusted more than anything.

“Hey are you okay? The girls are worried about you, tell me what is going on please”said kristie with a worried tone

“Well tell Sam and the team not to worry anymore. Emma has decided to ruin my life and get rid of me. I won't be at Chelsea anymore. I am basically fired.” I replied, now more angry than sad.

“What the hell are you talking about? Are you transferred where? when? How ? Are you okay? Did you tell her?.” She asked.

“I think it will be announced tomorrow at the meeting. I don't know anything kristie Chelsea is home. Niamh is home. I can't live without them.” I replied, memories of Niamh and I fludding my brain.

“Sure you will. I love you bubs no matter where you go.” She said, “Me too buddy, me too.” I added, sadness creeping into my heart again.

—-------—---—------------------------------------

It has been an eventful week. It was announced that I would leave Chelsea for Arsenal. The topic has been the talk of the town. From newspapers, Instagram pages, fans on Twitter, Arsenal fans were excited to have me. However, Chelsea fans were bitter I was let go. Most of the mean comments were directed at Emma and Chelsea which I thought was fair. I was the leading goal scorer in the WSL and we were on a great track record to win the league again.

I got a new apartment, and a new car. I tried to begin again. A clear slate and a focus on winning with my new team, the gunners.

Today was the first day of practice. The girls are really nice. This team, this family, seem really gelled together and they seem to start getting me out of my dark hole.

“Hello you.” Said Beth, “I hope you are well and I well we want to let you know you are very welcome and we hope you have a great time with us here.” she added. “Me too “ I responded.

__________________________________

It has been over 2 months since that last interaction with Beth, who I can call my best friend now. Her, Steph ,Katie and I have been inseparable. Arsenal have been on a winning streak since I got here. I seem to enjoy the way they play and interact with each other.

The player I enjoy hanging out with the most is my second Captain, which I can never fully admit.

Leah has been fun, heart warming, safe and a friend and a good one. I can't let whatever is happening affect my career again. I dated a teammate before it ruined my career, or so I thought.

“Ladies, how are we feeling about a party? We won again thanks to wonderful strickers. Let's have a party, we deserve it.” Said Katie on the bus. Shortly after a plan was made.

We went to a bar, we drank, sang, danced, and it was that time of the night where I got hungry for warmth. Human connection however unmeaningful. So I kissed the first girl I fancied.

That's when I felt a hand separate me from the girl and drag me outside.

“You are drunk, let's go home before you do anything you will regret.” Said Leah with an angry tone. “ Let go of me, I am lonely. I need this, please let go.” I pleaded with the alcohol affecting my judgment.

“ You are a fool if you think I would let you put yourself in danger. You are important to me, you should know that. Now let's go.” She ordered.

“ I am not going anywhere with you, you are not my girlfriend.” I protested.

That's when she pulled me in for a small kiss. That felt reassuring but not abusive of my drunk state.

“ You are not kissing anyone or going anywhere tonight. Home it is. Now stop complaining and get in please.” She said with a pour on her face. I did as she said, my mind still on the feeling of her lips.

This is going to be a lot to unpack in the morning.

[pinkthrone445]

-Distant wedding bells- Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

Pairing: Gary x Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:love, hurt, hurt

Warnings:Mention of cheating , insults

Summary:I don't wanna spoil it because I think it's good the surprise reading this fic like this.

-"Whether we like it or not, I'm still married to him" - she whispered, teary-eyed inches from your lips

-"I know, I can't fucking forget that" - You whispered and tried to kiss her again but she wouldn't let you, putting her fingertips on your lips to stop you

-"And I'm not a cheater..."-she whispered, and you sighed walking a few steps back, even if your soul ached for having to part from her after wanting to kiss her for so long. You knew why she said it, whether Gary was a bad men or not, he didn't deserve to be cheated on like her ex-husband did to her in her old marriage

-"I'll talk to Gary and then we will see where this could go... Would you be willing to wait for me?" - Melissa asked looking into your eyes and you barely smiled -"Always..."-You answered and arranged a strand of hair that had ruffled out of her perfect hair -"I'll see you tomorrow at school then... Please don't stay here, go back home and eat something and try to get some rest... And if Ava gets your transfer, don't accept it... Wait for me please or I'll go after you"- Melissa whispered and kissed your cheek, very close to your lips before leaving to talk to him.

The next morning, you walked into the teacher's room and made yourself a latte, it was the first morning in weeks when you didn't feel like garbage, the first morning you didn't need a strong coffee to wake you up, the first morning you felt relaxed and happy, the first morning you'd have breakfast again with the other teachers in the break room. The kiss you had given to the redhead kept playing like a scratched record in your head, making the smile you had on your face grow more and more.

For a few seconds the break room was quiet, until suddenly Abbott's entire team arrived for breakfast, including the redhead who drove you so crazy.

Your eyes immediately connected with the hypnotizing green orbs of the eldest, without being able to help it, you smiled at her and seeing how she completely swept over you with her gaze, you blushed slightly

-"Someone's happy this morning... It's good to see you with us again, I missed you" - Barbara commented, sitting in her usual place, at the same table you were sitting at, leaving a space between you and her for Mel, just like you usually sat when the 3 of you were together. It felt good that something felt like the old days before Mel got married.

Mel sat down next to you with a smile and brushed your hand on purpose, giving you a sneaky caress, implying that she also remembered what had happened the night before. No words beyond a 'hello' were shared between you and Mel, but Barbara had already noticed that there was something weird and different between you.

When you finished breakfast, Barbara walked down the hall with you, ready to get a little information out of you

-"Are you going to tell me what has made you change your mood so quickly? Yesterday you were in a very big emotional low and now you're almost jumping and singing through the halls"-Barbara asked and you smiled at her, unable to contain your excitement

-"Last night Mel and I kissed, not only did I kiss her, but she reciprocated everything"-You commented in a whisper with a smile from ear to ear. The eldest looked at you shaking her head with a hunch that this wouldn't end well

-"Be careful (Y/N)..."-It was all he said and you nodded

-"I know, I know... Mel will talk to her husband about divorce and then we'll be together. We'll do things right..."-You answered, and Barbara just nodded before entering her classroom.

Barbara later that day also spoke to Melissa, telling her to be careful with you and not hurt you because you were blindly in love with her and that could go wrong.

The week went by quickly, you wanted to ask Mel if she had spoken to him but you didn't know if it was too soon, so you decided to find out subtly

-"Hey Mel! Do you want to go out for a drink with me tonight?" - You asked her and felt the red-haired woman's hand brush yours as you walked together

-"I can't, Gary will be home and I have to make him something to eat..."-Melissa replied and you sighed, that meant she hadn't talked to him yet.

-"Okay, then I'll see you tomorrow"- You greeted her by kissing her cheek and went home a little disappointed. After you made yourself something to eat, your cell phone rang with a message from the redhead

-🍒Lisa🍒:"I'm so sorry I can't be with you tonight... I'll go take a bath now, I'll try not to think about how much I'd like you to be here helping me wash my back, I miss you" - Her message lit up your face and made you laugh like a teenager

-You:"I'll go to bed now, I'll try not to think too much about how delicious your lips feel on mine and how much I miss having you close. Good night Lisa"-You replied smiling and she was slow to respond back

-🍒Lisa🍒:"I'm sorry for not responding quickly, he's near me all the time. Good night sweetheart , have nice dreams"-The redhead answered and you left your cell phone on the nightstand to start eating.

The next few weeks continued like that, you asked her out but she told you that she couldn't because she had plans with him, which made you understand that they hadn't talked yet, and you would get all sad. Then you'd come home and get a message from her that gave you the slightest glimmer of hope and you'd blindly hold on to that and put aside the fact that she hadn't been honest with him yet. Days and days trying to make plans without any result...

-"Do you want to go dancing with me? Just dancing, I promise, I won't try anything else."-You consulted with the redhead but she denied it with some excuse, she always had excuses.

-"Want to go for a coffee? I miss spending time together"-You asked another day and she turned it down again. Then, when you home, she would send you another message that would revive your hopes.

Between those comings and goings, two months passed where the desire to be with her was almost consuming you, the sadness was coming back and you didn't like that .

How you wanted her to finally talk to him, so that you could at least kiss her again. But every day the possibility of her talking to him felt more distant.

In a particularly stressful week, you began to feel the need to be with her and hug her even more eagerly than before. Mel hadn't had the best day and neither had you, so you thought maybe it would be a good idea to go out together to distract yourself. When you saw her walking out of the school through the front doors into the parking lot, you hurried your pace to get to her side

-"Hi..."-You smiled looking at her and she greeted simply with a smile too-"Do you want to go home to see a movie or something?...I know it's been a tough week for everyone and I thought maybe we could be together, grab a bite to eat, snuggle up a bit... -You smiled excitedly and she shook her head looking at her phone

-"I can't, I have a date with Gary, He invited me to a fancy restaurant "-she whispered and smiled barely visible

-"Right... Have you had a chance to talk to him?"-You asked looking at her and she rolled her eyes

-"Not yet"- Her answer was short and dry

-"Do you plan to do it soon? I really want to go out with you, to be able to be together in peace, to hug you or kiss you..."-You answered truthfully and the redhead stopped in front of you squeezing her cell phone a little bit annoyed with your insistence

-"I don't know! Okay? I don't know when I'll talk to him yet, the time hasn't been right. How insistent you are with that! I'll do it, it's not an easy thing to say, I need time!" - The redhead hadn't had a good day and she had no patience left, causing her to treat you badly and scream even though she didn't want to

-"More time? I don't think there's the right time to say something like that... You have to do it and that's it, without hesitating so much or looking for the right moment when it will never come... I know you need time to do it, but it's been more than two months since you told me you'd talk..."-You spoke sadly and sighed

-"It's not crazy what I'm asking, I'll talk to him, just wait a little longer"- replied the redhead looking at you with a frown

-"Do you know how much longer you need me to wait? Because I've already waited two months for you and it's difficult, especially when you don't help... It's been two long months where you tempt me and when I want to be with you or kiss you stop me saying you're not a cheater or something like that. Two months in which you call me in the middle of the night to tell me how miserable your life is with him, that you need me by your side, that you want to feel my arms hugging you as you sleep and the next day at the entrance to work I see you laugh and kiss him like you love him with all your being..."-You sighed biting the inside of your cheek trying to control your emotions-" I'll give you more time, don't worry... You'll have all the time that you need, I won't bother you with this again"-You whispered and kept walking to your car leaving her alone there.

That night, Mel called you but you didn't answer her, she also sent several messages

-🍒Lisa🍒:"Hey hon, I'm so sorry how I treated you earlier, I was tired and with almost 0 patience, can we talk? Please"-Mel sent the first message with no response

-🍒Lisa🍒:"Please, I promise to talk to him soon..."- Message delivered, read and unanswered, the redhead sighed and tried again

-🍒Lisa🍒:"Did you go out drinking? Do you want me to pick you up and so we can talk quietly? Maybe we can go grab a bite to eat if you want, just you and me, what do you say? I miss you" - Delivered, Read, No Response Again

-🍒Lisa🍒:"I'm really sorry, please answer me..."-Message sent, undelivered, and unread. You had turned off your cell phone. Melissa ran her hands over her face in frustration.

The next morning at school, you ignored her all day, even though you were in the teacher's room together or even if she talked directly to you, you just ignored her.

At the end of the day when you were about to go home, she stopped you to talk

-"Are you going to ignore me all day?"-Melissa sounded annoyed but you just looked at her seriously, without any other emotion

-"I'm giving you space, it was what you wanted, I don't want to overwhelm you with my insistence" - You responded and tried to keep walking but she hadn't let go of your arm, you sighed and turned to look at her

-"Please... Don't act like that, it hurts me when you walk away from me and ignore me"-Melissa replied, moving closer to you

-"So you can ignore me, handle me as you please and stay away from me all you want, but I can't do it because I hurt you?" - You asked and laughed at the irony of the situation

-"Have a good day Melissa"-You answered and left.

-"I don't ignore you, it's just hard to respond when he's right there next to me, and it's hard to make up lies so he doesn't suspect anything so can be with you... I'm really really sorry"-The redhead replied by making wet puppy dog eyes, she knew you had a soft spot for that, but you just sighed without looking her in the eye

-"I don't believe you and I don't xare anymore"-You replied without much desire to argue with her, you just wanted to go home to be alone

-"I mean it, do you want me to show you how much I miss you and how sorry I am?" - Mel responded with pleading in her voice and tried to kiss you but you turned your face making her kiss your cheek and took her hand making her let go of you

The week went on like this, you ignoring her and her insisting, but nothing changed your mood.

A particular day, Mel came into your classroom attracted by all the children smiling, singing, dancing and giving you drawings they had made. It wasn't your birthday, but the scene was very cute to watch. Her initial smile turned to confusion when she saw a cake on your desk that said 'we'll miss you Miss (Y/N), come back soon'

-"Hey... What is this?" - The redhead looked at you in confusion as you said goodbye to the last kids

-"I'm leaving and the kids wanted to say goodbye, I'm going to change schools, I'm going to work somewhere else, I finally accepted my transfer, after having postponed it for more than a month..." - You whispered making a pile of all the drawings and gifts

-"What? Was that what everyone was muttering in the teacher's room? Why does everyone know you're leaving but me? Why didn't you tell me anything? You promised you'd wait for me..." - Melissa was confused and hurt, how could you make that decision without telling her, why did she have to be the last to know?

Melissa stood there watching you go, with deep pain in her body and feeling her heart go after you, the same thing that had happened to you months ago when you saw her marry someone else.

-"And you promised you'd talk to him and it's been almost three months... I promised I'd wait for you, and I did, I've had my transfer ready for a while and I didn't leave for you, but I will not wait forever... You already hurt me once without knowing it, but now you know what you're doing, you're hurting me and you know it and yet you keep going. And yes, I'm stupid, but not enough to let you hurt me anymore... You want to have me and at the same time you don't want to face Gary, but you can't have everything, not everything is going to be the way you want it to be. You have to make up your mind and act, or life will decide for you... But don't worry, I won't pressure you into talking to him anymore, you don't need to do it for me, because I don't want to be with you or see you anymore... I'll leave so you can get on with your stupid marriage without having to worry about me or the pressure I make you feel with my messages or questions. I hope you are very happy with your dear husband and please don't ever call me again-You angrily took your purse and walked past her without looking at her, carrying in your hands the parting gifts that the children had given you. You didn't want this, you didn't want to start from scratch again, you didn't want to get away from her either, but you couldn't keep hurting yourself waiting for love from someone who wasn't going to give it to you.

[the-firebird69]

So you went to court and he's trying to screw himself and somehow got to postponement to December 8th no they reversed his stuff and said December 8th are going there to take it all and review it all and still at his house. It's been documented too that he's tried to access his 29 times. And people that went into pictures as he's going around after them and their FBI agents and their documenting it too he's screwed. There's a major part of the case that is not being observed by most people it's the transfer of power it has not occurred because Donald Trump is not allowing it to which is also illegal it's very illegal because he's been doing it on military bases and in police outfits and more and is obstructing justice and many more crimes most of them are treasonous all that's going to come out in 2 days.

Right now the a****** is running his mouth off and they know who he is and they're going to use it against him in court.

Today is one of the worlds and the head of wicked battle and they have several that are still ensuing some of the ships left and others are leaving shortly and if you will be wandering around hitting people and that would be Jason and Lily screwing around with people when they don't have the force usually what they doing especially around our son and they're idiots about it. I understand you were the things that they might be trying to grab them they're too small and can't leave. And try to break out right now and it's early in the morning and it's time that they it's the time that we think they do get grabbed and they have the experience at the house last night the guy's a completely numb person doesn't know anything

Thor Freya

It's going on now right now and it's going to happen and they're using tank busters and they're working cuz their Shields are low on power and malfunctioning they got hit a lot

Can't wait to see the startup to be intense

Last night changed a lot of people's minds about what's going on and I saw the mutation and couldn't believe it

Olympus wants his behavior here it was shutting it down and four more loads of equipment and manpower came in giant loads and they look all like Max they all floated and they're bringing electrical equipment too switch gear and transformers and tons of it and they're bringing in a lot of equipment for putting it in and tons of tree cutting things and mulching machines really huge ones and they're getting to work and they're bringing it over most of the damage was here it's not much over there it's piled up at all or anything and there's four more giant ships off the horizon these will be done off floating in moments and the four other ships have items for garbage really is for recycling metals and aluminum melt it down and put it bins and take it out and it's also doing it and nobody cares when we take it so we're going to come and take it you have a lot of people who are interested in doing that to get it a little edge it's a ton of stuff this huge piles of it and we're going to use it and the rumor has it that Trump wanted it for the components the aluminum mostly and we're going to take that first, and yeah he gave himself up and having her son do manual labor when he should be making money

Olympus

[liquid-luck-00]

When Two Coffee Addicts Unite

Part 1

@maribatmarch-2k21 Day 8: Texting

Ao3 *** Part 2

Okay so this can either be a continuation of Internet Friends or the beginning of something new. But if you want to read this as a continuation of Internet friends then you should know:

The police department is almost as bad as Damocles when dealing with powerful figures. They take the video and audio footage and simply put it in the file. Because at the time Lila still had most or in fact all of the class under her thumb, they all supported Lila’s claim that it was an accident. Lila claims that a sudden dizzy spell struck her, and she fell forwards towards Marinette. And as Mari was already on the edge of the balcony it was an accident. The fact that the file sat in the police department until well after any claim could be valid it wasn’t looked into more. Mari, her friends, and Tim did have backups of the footage, complete records for every interaction with the police, and recorded calls and interactions when dealing with the police. But as they didn’t want to involve the embassy as this would become an international affair they didn’t bother with the case.

That said the police don’t bother with the Miracle Court to avoid work. However, with the Mayor, Medical responders, and the Fire Department all aid the heroes, the police only do the bare minimum.

Marinette’s class has begun to watch Lila, but they didn’t look into her lies because except for this incident it’s just she said she said with occasional ‘injuries’ on Lila. Most of them are wary of Lila but they aren’t converted to Marinette’s side, but there is an increased tolerance between them.

~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette had just sat back at her seat after eating lunch, while the classroom was still empty. There was still half an hour left. Alix, Kim, Nino, Sabrina, and Max walked in as she sat down.

"Marinette you got the time?" Alix called out. They were on somewhat okay terms since Lila’s claims were a total 180 from the Marinette that they have known for forever.

"30 minutes left." she announced looking of her phone and in turn her missed messages.

Tim:

       Mari

       Mari

       Mari

       Nettie

       Marin

       Bean

       Bug

       Marinette

Marinette:

       What's wrong.

Tim:

       I have back to back meetings starting in 3 hrs. until 5.

       and

Marinette:

       Let me guess haven't slept.

Tim:

       Exactly

       Help me please

Marinette:

       How many reports can you send me?

Tim:

       Quite a few

Marinette:

       Send me what you can.

       Review the rest.

       Take a nap!

       And I'll be a little voice during your meeting.

Tim:

       Thanks, I owe you Bean.

Marinette:

I'II hold you to that.

Tim:

       Sent

Marinette:

       Just make sure you wake up.

Tim:

       I make no promises.

       On second thought I don't want to find out how you are mad

She made it through the 15 minutes of class because Lila was akumatized. Lila had burst into the class followed by Alya, Nino, and Adrien. She claimed Mari cornered her in the bathroom and beat her a few minutes ago, showing everyone the 'bruises' on her arms. Chloe handed something to Sabrina who walked up to Lila.

"Oh, you poor thing," Sabrina consoled, Lila only whimpered. "Here this has a salve that helps bruises." She gently took Lila's wrist and wiped a 'bruise' which disappeared instantly.

"That's amazing what is it called?" Alya commented. "I should get some for Nora."

"Make-up remover." Sabrina and Chloe spoke together.

"Besides." Alix butt in. "Marinette's been here the past half hour and hasn't left."

"What?! How do you know?" Lila cried.

"Cause we've been here the whole time with her." Sabrina commented.

Marinette for her part didn't know or hear the conversation around her.

"Marinette. Marinette. Earth to Marinette," Kim shouted.

"Present!" She jolted practically standing. "Wait," she looked around, "class hasn't started."

"What are you hyper fixated on?" Adrien asked innocently.

"Just some reports, don't think you'd like them too much Kit-Kat."

"Fair," he shrugged sitting next to her. "So how were you in two places at once?"

"I can't," her head tilted to the side confusion clear on her face.

"So, if Mari hasn't left, can't be in two places at once, and your 'bruises' came off with make-up remover. How do you explain that Lila?" Adrien around, the class slowly draining their conclusions. However, Marinette spoke up. "She lied, obviously..." she stated having gone back to the reports.

"Um you said that out loud, Cake Pop, and loud at that."

"Huh?" sure enough when she looked around some were shock still, others typed furiously into their phones.

That was when Mrs. Bustier walked in, fifteen minutes late to the class. Which was also when the bandy contained restraint ended. Lila was akumatized, school let out, and the rest of her night went smoothly.

Tim woke up, and with her help survived his meetings. Some while on patrol she would constantly mute and unmute herself. Luckily, it wasn't more than twice, and they didn't run into anyone. Chat didn’t ask questions, figured it out since she was pouring over Wayne documents earlier. Tim would call her back after the private meetings and ended around 10.

At around 11 Tim text her back.

Tim:

      Thanks Bug you saved me today.

Marinette:

      No problem Draco

      You owe me though.

Tim:

      I remember.

      Go to bed it's like midnight over there!

Marinette:

      Yeah Yeah

Tim:

      Ooh

      Congratulations 2x!

Marinette:

      What???

      Please explain.

      Tim

      Tim

      Timothy

      Timothy Drake-Wayne answer me.

      Dragon please

      Ugh fine I'll sleep.

Which is what she did when he wouldn’t answer her.

She woke up the next morning to two emails from W. E.. The first was for a collaboration between W.E. and MDC for a show featuring Wayne Tech accessories and their new climate fabrics. She immediately responded and accepted. The second was that her class was one of two to be accepted as transfer students to Gotham Academy and intern slots at WE, she forwarded that to her teacher and the school.

Marinette:

      You Gremlin

Tim:

      Like I said congrats

      Oh, I need you to give me three names.

Marinette:

      What for?

Her mind was racing at the possibilities.

Tim:

      You'll find out.

Marinette:

      What’s the other school?

Tim:

      Some Prep school in the UK.

Marinette:

      Give me a Sec.

She opened another contact and typed.

Marinette:

      Hey, did you get a spot in the Wayne/GA internship?

Mystery:

      Yes.

      Why?

Marinette:

      Tell the others we are hitting Gotham with style.

Mystery:

      Very well.

Mari then sent three names to him and smiled. This was going to be fun.

Next

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @adrestar @miraculouspenta @vixen-uchiha

[laffy-taffy-creations]

Date of origin: Dec. 25, 2021

Transfer Student pt. 1

Tw: none that I could find in this part, but there was a lot to this and I eventually abandoned it after 4k words but if you want to read the whole thing and for me to add on feel free to request it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright listen up. I was told we have an announcement today but I haven't looked at it yet so you all are gonna find out with me," our teacher said, easily getting everyone's attention.

A moment later, we all just hear a bunch of confused noises coming from him. "Huh? Wha- how?" A bunch of us started looking at each other and whispering, talking about what it might possibly be.

"What is it sir?" O asked aloud. He clears his throat to tell us, then gives out the announcement.

"We have a transfer student who will be joining us later this week. We don't know when, just that it will be as soon as they are able to, which could be anywhere from 2-8 days from now. I'm gonna get more information once they send a message that they are ready to start," he said.

I was so confused. We all were.

How were they able to transfer here? I mean I'd understand if it was the normal courses, but there is a pretty complex entrance exam that you can't just do on the fly, plus in order for it to work there needed to be a big group of people. The only thing I could think of was having a pretty impressive reputation from wherever they came from, but I couldn't imagine what you'd have to do to be able to stand out enough to not need one of the entrance exams.

"I wonder what they had to do to get here," I said quietly to myself.

"What are you going on about now?" L said from in front of me.

"Nothing, nothing!" I said quickly. "I was just thinking, the only logical way for them to have transferred was to have a really impressive reputation wherever they're from, and wondering what it took to get that," I told him, explaining my thought process before he set off an explosion in my face for wasting his time.

A few of the others who managed to hear what I said also got talking about that, and we had a small conversation brainstorming ideas of what they might've done to get here. Maybe save a city on their own? That seemed like a quick way to get here. Maybe taking part in or coming up with a plan that was used by the pros to take down someone or something dangerous? That seemed a bit out there, but also more plausible than the first one. Maybe taking down a villain single handedly because the pros were taking too long to get there and managing to win? That one seemed more reasonable but less likely.

Our conversation was cut short by DE continuing with the start of the school day and our lessons, but all of us were left wondering. 5 days later on the following Tuesday, we actually got word that the mystery person would be joining us the very next day.

"So they'll be here tomorrow, and I got more information that I have to share with you guys. So their name is… OV. That's it. Just 2 letters, not even a first name and last name? Ok then… they are 15 just like the rest of you, and there is apparently nothing else currently on file other than a picture since that will be provided when they arrive, meaning they might not be here until after lunch. Anyways…" he continued on with the day after giving the announcement but something seemed off.

Why was nothing else on file? Surely they would have stuff from their old school that would have made it here like some sort of permanent record, right? And why was there only one thing down for their name?

How did they manage to get here without needing to provide a proper identification? Maybe that was the proper identification like a first and last initial?

But that still wouldn't make sense… surely they would need to provide more than just one letter for both their first and last name… I decided to think more about it later, right now I needed to pay attention to the lesson. The next day, as said, the new student arrived.

He came in at around 11 and introduced himself, if it was even a he. They had black fluffy hair, a black mask with white eyes and a big white smile, and dark gloves.

"Hello, everyone! I'm OV, and I'll be your classmate from now on. If we have a bit of extra time, am I allowed to answer some of their questions?" They said, first addressing us and then turning to our teacher.

"Sure, go ahead. We have like 15 minutes until lunch anyways, not like we'd be able to get much done with a new student until then," he said, agreeing without much of a care in the world.

"Alright then, what do you got for me? I know for a fact that you all have some questions for me," they said, turning back to us. A few hands went up after a few seconds.

"Ok, uh, you with the light brown hair!" They said, calling out O.

"Where are you from?" She asked. "I'm from America, more specifically Kansas," they said, answering her.

"Person with the pink skin," they said, continuing on with the questions.

"Why do you wear the mask? Also, can you take it off?" S said.

"Both of those are great questions, but all I'm gonna say is yes I can take it off, no I won't, and I will not be answering questions to do with my past. Well, most of it anyway," they told her.

"What is your power?"

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[hinatastinygiant]

Show & Tell - Thirty Four

Y/N'S P.O.V.

"... And that's the end of the story," he sighs. "When I went back to the orphanage on your tenth birthday, I was told you were transferred somewhere else in the Gifu prefecture and had no records available to share with me. I tried looking around, but it took years. When I finally did, I was told you were out of the system. You slipped right through my fingers."

"So you..." you sob after hearing the story of your mother for the first time, "you never cared about her."

"That old whore?" he scoffs, "Of course not. Get your head out of the clouds." With that, he stands up and walks back towards the walls. "She was nothing but a disappointment. You better not prove to be one, too, Y/N. I waited too goddamn long."

He then puts his hand on the doorknob and looks back at you. "If you leave this room, I will know." And that's it, he walks out without so much decency as to answer any of your overwhelming questions.

You run straight to the door and peer through the peephole. On the outside of your room, you see Gendo nod to Sukuna and walk away. Sukuna leans against the railing across from your room and stays put. You suppose that's what Gendo meant when he said he would know if you left your room; Sukuna's keeping watch. However, you wonder why Sukuna actually agreed to that. He only ever does what he wants to do. Is he keeping an eye on you for a reason of his own?

You walk back across the room and flop down onto the small bed. You lay there awake for awhile, thoughts swirling around your head about your poor mother and your father who tricked her.

When you've eventually had enough, you roll to your side and look at the cheap, digital clock that reads 2:38 in blinding LED lights.

Thinking that there's absolutely no way Sukuna's still standing out there, you get up and peep through the hole. No Sukuna. You let out a thankful breath of relief and slowly open the door. Once again, there's still no Sukuna.

You make your way quickly and quietly to the same staircase Gendo had led you up before to get to your room. Unfortunately, there you see Sukuna. Holding back a surprised gasp, you hide behind a wall so he doesn't find you.

Oh shit, what do I do now?!

Looking back at Sukuna below the stairs, he seems to be pacing back and forth. Is he talking to himself, or possibly Yuuji? This could be your chance to get him to switch back.

You then look down along the railing Sukuna had been watching before. You're on the third floor, so you can't really jump down. But, your body also screams at you not to engage with Sukuna and instead go back to your room. However, you don't really want to do that either.

You won't play pet with these guys, you have been at the receiving end of games like this for far too long already. You need to get Yuuji and get the hell out of there.

Taking two steps onto the platform before the staircase, you peer down at Sukuna.

"Yuuji!" you shout. "Come on, let's go!"

But it isn't Yuuji that turns to face you. Instead, you come eye to eye with Sukuna. A wide, sick smile grows on his face as he sees you outside of your room.

"It's great to see you, Y/N," he laughs darkly, "What are you doing out of bed?"

Your eyebrows knit together, realizing that this will be a harder challenge than you've expected. "Yuuji! Come back!"

Sukuna only laughs at you again. "With all those fingers I've been eating, the kid can't control his own body."

"Shut the hell up, Sukuna, I wasn't talking to you!"

Then, in an instant, Sukuna's risen from the stairs and hovers directly above you. You back up, intimidated by the glare of death he's given you until your back hits the railing.

Once more, he laughs wickedly. "You've got nowhere to go but down, Y/N. If you do that, who knows what'll happen to your curse."

"You're right," you hum, an idea striking your brain. "Maybe if I end it all, the curse will be over. There won't be anyone to pass it onto."

Just as you begin to lean back, Sukuna grabs roughly onto your arm and pulls you away from the edge.

"Guess I can't have you dying then," he grins. "Like I've mentioned before, I plan on using you to get to that white-haired fool."

With that, he lands a hard strike against your cheek. You gasp as the wind is momentarily knocked out of you. Sukuna takes that moment you're so desperate for air to admire the way you look all beat up under his own hand. It's the way you should look, he thinks, as someone who owes their entire existence to him.

When his moment of admiration is gone, he punches you square in the face. Blood drips down from your nose and mouth as he pulls his hand away and wipes the fluid against his pants.

"Go back to your room, now," he growls.

"No. I'm leaving here with Yuuji," you say as you weakly stand up to face him again.

"Shut the hell up with that!" he shouts over your voice, punching again which he continues to do so until your legs give out completely.

Eventually, the world goes blurry. Sukuna's forced to scoop you up under your legs and bring you back to your room yourself. There, he unlocks the door with his own key and drops you down roughly onto the bed.

"Stay put," he growls, obviously pissed-off at how inconvenient it is to watch you.

Your breathing is heavy and the world continues to spin, but you keep your eyes on Sukuna as he walks across the room and sits down on the chair Gendo had previously been occupying.

Once he's sitting, his eyes meet yours and he stares back with just as much intensity as he's had this entire time. He crosses his arms as he watches you, hoping you'll fall asleep soon.

"Yuuji..." you call out quietly once more before your world fades to black.

As for Sukuna, the lines on his body begin to fade. Yuuji has been putting up one hell of a fight this entire time. If only you had been able to stay awake a few minutes longer you might've helped, however, in the end Sukuna resumes full control.

Show & Tell Masterlist

next chapter

[evie-solaris]

MLDD server shut down and "compensation" [Link to full tweet]

It is finally happening.

Mldd will officially shut down on June 6th and all our data will be wiped. Can't say I didn't see this coming but it still hurts. That's 2 years worth of our effort and money gone down the drain.

We have the option to transfer our gems over to a newly created mlqc account along with some "bonus" gifts based on our vip exp...and that's it. I will be getting gift III which is 1500gems, 10 galaxy wish, 10 sunrise wish, vip trial and some mats. I rather keep my karmas than gems tho. The compensation as they call it is not enough to cover the cost of 1 SSR unless you get lucky with the wish tree.

Some of the things I am sad about losing are my karma collection, 31 SSRs (15 are Kiro's), archive of Kiro's rumors and secrets (weirdly I love R&S and I'm actually upset about this), top 50 shine like stars rank, limited avatar frames, unlocked outfits, story dates, game progression and cn voiceovers. I know others who will be losing more than me and I can only imagine how they must be feeling rn.

I wasn't sure if I want to start over again. I thought I should just install it at the very least to be able to transfer my gems while deciding if I should quit. So anyway I messed around for quite a bit and I think I understand why some players left for mlqc. The functions are more intuitive and there was so much more story content. Then I checked out Kiro's birthday event and when I saw the bday karma...I got a little emotional. 2 years is too short and I was not ready to say goodbye to Kiro and the other guys. I'm talking about a bunch of pixels like they are real but it was what kept me going sometimes. I decided to stick around for a while and I speed ran the first few chapters until I had enough dawn wishes for a free 10 pull. And guess what. I'm not bluffing, I have it recorded on video. The very first karma and out comes...Kiro SSR whisk you away. I dunno if this is the smart thing to do but I am taking this as a sign to stay and start a new journey.

As a mldd player who has never installed mlqc and took extreme measures to avoid spoilers for some time, loading the game and discovering the differences for the first time...is an experience.

Quick summary, these are my first impressions:

We get the choice of 1 SR from the start. Seen this before on mldd but it was during a later update. I wasn't aware it was for new players which is nice.

Thought I was stuck with the old interface until later chapters reveal the other version which was the same as mldd. Huge relief. The default terrace background is nice too.

There's definitely more QOL functions like "claim all" button for dailies and friends stamina.

More convenient ways of obtaining mats from the karma page

Didn't like the auto complete 10 mats. I prefer a smaller number like 5 in mldd. Then again there are other ways to go about this like the quick remake button.

Profile page lets you write a short bio and display 4 karmas. That's neat.

House feature. This deserves its own post.

The shop and gem exchange. Like I said I love R&S a lot so right away I noticed hourglass costs real money, not gems. Sad. I calculated the gem exchange and found it costs a little bit more. Vip costs the same even after conversion surprisingly.

New types of karmas. Not sure how they all work yet.

24hr challenge is literally a challenge with so many missing karmas.

I will stop here for now if not the post will be too long. Future blog posts will contain more about my progress.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

Hanji POV

I was giving a pep talk to my squad when I saw (Y/N) talking to Levi. We were about to leave the walls in a few moments. For a second, I think I saw shorty with a warm expression. It was surprising really, given that he always looked like a "constipated brat" in his own words. What was more surprising was that he found himself someone shorter than he is. When we were called to the lift, I saw (Y/N) and Levi giving each other some really intense looks and talking about something.

God knows what these two were talking about given that their looks could make new recruits piss their pants. Levi walked away from her when the lift arrived and stood beside me on the lift. I saw (Y/N) move slightly to stand with the crowd.

"Yo shorty, what were all those intense looks about?" I nudged Levi to which he answered, "Shut it shitty glasses". I smiled at his usual behaviour. Seems like even love can't change some things. I sighed at the thought. Moblit and I weren't able to go on a date because of how busy I was with my experiments. I need to make it up to him after the expedition if both of us come back alive. As the lift creaked up, someone shouted from the crowd, " HEY HANJI!". I looked down and saw, "Flegel?" I muttered, curious that he was shouting my name out. "TAKE BACK WALL MARIA! THE FUTURE OF MANKIND IS IN YOUR HAAAANDS!" he shouted.

Following his lead, many others shouted out encouragements. Some thanked Levi for saving the town and to that Levi muttered, "Someone's got a big mouth". " Well, with the commotion we made, of course they'd find out." I muttered, answering Levi. The replacement for Mike said, "The thing is, all the meat we ordered was from the Reeves company." The replacement for Squad leader Ness merely said, "Damn that Flegel".

Suddenly, I heard people beside us shouting "YEAH YOU CAN COUNT ON US!". I turned and saw Levi squad shouting out to the people. Other soldiers were muttering about how the Survey corps never had a send off like this before. Erwin replied to them by saying, "As far as I'm aware, this is a first" before starting to shout himself. Both Levi and I looked at him surprised. I looked down at the crowd to see (Y/N) gaping at the sight too. After all, this was completely unexpected for someone as calm as Erwin.

(Y/N) POV

It was surprising to see Uncle Erwin so excited about an expedition. Specially, one that could cause many casualties. The Survey Corps were gone after a while and the crowd dispersed. I went back to the Survey corps Headquarters to get my squad to help me receive all the furniture and make my home liveable. "I have a home now..." I thought gleefully. I finally was able to find happiness. I took my horse back from the stable and galloped towards the headquarter.

When I opened the door to the common room, I saw my squad complaining about not being able to join the expedition.

[(Y/N) Squad/ Special operations squad 2:

(Y/N) squad was supposed to be one of the four commanding squads beside Levi squad, Hanji squad and Drik squad but due to her pregnancy leave, Marlene squad was a temporary replacement for her.

Members:

Diana Becker: A graduate from 103 trainee corps. Very good at communicating with other soldiers and after being trained by (Y/N), 3DMG techniques are improving. Appointed as (Y/N)'s second in command.

Heinrich Fischer: A transfer from Garrison from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is medic. Good at 3DMG and getting better with (Y/N)'s training. Excellent at hand to hand combat according to (Y/N) as he was the only person who knew the right strategy to use on (Y/N), losing nonetheless. Not too good in social skills

Stefan Wagner: A graduate from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is Veterinarian. Good at 3DMG and improving. Good at social skills and will implement any command given as flawlessly as possible.

Marie Schwarz: A military police transfer from 103 trainee corps. Area of specialty is dealing with finance. A serious soldier who is good at almost all sectors except hand to hand combat due to a lacking in understanding of the enemy's moves but that could be improved by team activities. However, it seems like she had difficulty with authority, specially (Y/N)'s.]

"Damn it... This was one important expedition and we couldn't join... They will all be awarded as heroes when they return and we will only be watching.." Heinrich complained to the other bored soldiers as I walked in. They were all seniors in case of Trainee corps records but younger than myself by a few years given that I joined a bit late. "Heinrich, if you are so keen on being Titan fodder, go ahead, take your horse and follow them. They haven't gone too far yet." I told him, shutting him up.

"Sorry, squad leader (Y/N). He was just being an ass" Diana muttered, smacking Heinrich on his head. They probably were in a relationship or something, given that I walked onto them kissing one time. I pretended I didn't see it though. "Well, be thankful that you aren't fighting Titans with your lives in your hands and instead you're helping me with decorating my home. I want you all at my home in 30 minutes. I'll be going to the furniture store and getting the furniture." I ordered them as they answered with a "Hai!" before I left for the furniture store. It was already getting dark. I took my horse there, paid the furniture makers, rented a wagon and with the help of the furniture maker's apprentice, took all the furniture home. The squad was already home and with their help, I started arranging the house.

"Diana, go arrange the kitchen utensils. Stefan and Heinrich, move that shelf away from the window." I commanded. Most of the house was already decorated. I just needed to get the bedsheets arranged, bring all of Levi's and my own books from the headquarters, except of course, the work related ones. "Marie, we are going to get the books" I commanded her and we went to the headquarter.

It took a while to arrange all the books as I did that by dividing the books by genres. After the whole decoration process was done, I thanked the squad and dismissed them. It was about 10 pm when I started cleaning the house. After an hour of cleaning, I felt like the house was clean enough for Levi's standards and I locked the front gate and went back to the headquarter. We weren't supposed to be living in this house till we get married. I was tired beyond measures after all the work and decided to pass out on the bed.

A few hours later

Levi POV

"Looks like the beast titan has us in it's sights. This place is about to turn into a honeycomb. Erwin, if you tell me there's no way left for us to fight back, I'll start preparing for defeat." I told Erwin. This operation was meaningless. Of course there was no chance of victory after this. If we had to get some survivors... I would have to give up my life... Would (Y/N) be okay with it? I'm sure she would be devastated... But I had to do this. For humanity and for a good future of my child... Can (Y/N) raise him on her own? "It could be a she too you know" (Y/N)'s voice rang in my head. She always pointed that out whenever I called our child a 'he'.

"Eren's sprawled out there, right? Go wake him up. You and some of the others get on him and run. That way we'll have at least a few survivors." I continued. I remembered the last time I slept with her. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps... "The recruits and survivors from Hanji's squad can scatter on horses all at once and try to head home... How does that sound? With them acting as bait, you and the others on Eren will be able to escape." I concluded. I remember her snuggling into my arms, burying her head in my chest... "And what are you going to do, Levi?" Erwin asked me. Was that really the last time I saw her? And I really made a shitty promise that I couldn't keep that time?

"I'll deal with that beast. I'll lead him away" I answered. Am I really ready to choose humanity over her? Over our kid? "No. You can't even get close to him." Erwin stated. I remembered her rare smiles. I imagined a future where she and my kid will be safe. If this sacrifice is worth it, I can do this. "Probably not. But, if you and Eren make it back alive, there's still hope. Isn't that the kind of situation we're in now? This is a major defeat. Honestly, I'm not expecting anyone to make it home alive at this point." I replied. "True. If we don't have any way of fighting back." Erwin stated calmly. I was surprised. Did he have anything up his sleeve?

"Do you have one?" I asked him, genuinely surprised. "Yes" he stated. At this point, I was annoyed at him. What was he thinking? Why didn't he say this to me before? "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why didn't you put that ugly mouth of yours to work sooner and say something?" I asked, genuinely annoyed. "If this plan goes well, you may be able to defeat that beast. But only if we sacrifice the lives of all the recruits here, as well as mine." Erwin mentioned. Sacrificing Erwin? Didn't I promise (Y/N) that I'll keep him safe? If he makes a decision like this, how can I face (Y/N) again?

"You're absolutely right. No matter what we do, most of us will surely die. Infact, it's most likely that we will all be wiped out. So our only choice is to assume we are all expendable and work from there. We'd have to ask these young people to give up their lives. You'd need the skills of a first rate con man to come up with a reason that convincing. So I doubt any of them will charge forward unless I was leading the way. Which would mean I'd be the very first to die. Without ever learning what was in that basement." Erwin said. "Huh?" I asked, confused.

This man was about to die and all he cared about was a shitty basement? He sighed and said, "I just want to go to that basement. Everything I have done, I did thinking that this day would come. That someday, I would be able to check my answers. There were so many times that I thought it would be easier to just die. Then, the dream I shared with my father would flash through my head. And now those answers are close enough to reach out and grab... They are right here... But, Levi, can you see them? All of our comrades? Our comrades are watching us. They want to know what we will do with the hearts they dedicated to our cause. Because they may be gone but their fight isn't over. But then again, I promised (Y/N) that I will be with her at her wedding... She doesn't deserve to lose more... I broke enough promises to her before. Will the last thing I told her be a promise that I couldn't keep? Or is it all pointless and nothing more than my own childish delusion?".

I looked at Erwin for a while, my mind full of doubt. He was implying that I have to make the decision. This was much worse. (Y/N) would never forgive me. She will despise me. I might lose the only chance I ever had of having a family. Then again, didn't I decide that sacrificing my life for the safety of (Y/N) and our child was worth it? Why should this be any different? If wall Maria is captured, humanity will be much closer to victory. (Y/N) and our child will be safer. I'd rather have (Y/N) hate me than get her killed because I was weak. I knelt down in front of Erwin and told him, "You've fought a good fight. We have only come this far thanks to you. I'm making the choice. Give up on your dreams and die for us. Lead the recruits straight into hell. And I'll take down the beast titan.". To that he smiled slightly at me. "Keep (Y/N) safe. You two have my blessings." he said, startling me before he explained the plan to me.

"You want me to approach the beast by myself using vertical manoeuvring? There's nothing around him! There isn't a single tree or house or anything else I can use!" I asked Erwin, not understanding what he was talking about. "No... You have targets that are the perfect height. They are standing there all in a row aren't they? Use the titans to sneak up on and ambush the beast titan." Erwin explained.

I stood beside him as he convinced all the soldiers to give up their lives. Deep down, I knew it was all my decision. I felt revolted by myself. Does a person like me even deserve the happiness and stability of a family? When I can decide to send so many people to their deaths, bringing tragedy to so many other families... "No. I won't regret my decision now. It is all for the greater good" I convinced myself as I stood, watching the faces of people who knew they were about to die meaningless deaths.

The plan was put into action. I maneuvered towards the beast titan, killing it's titan army in progress. I saw the suicide charge down there. "I'm sorry" I told them in my mind as I slashed the napes of titans.

"Turning into titan puts a heavy strain on your body... So you can't transform again while you're busy healing. Isn't that right?" I asked the blonde man who I had cut out of the beast titan and stuffed my blade in his mouth. I pushed the blade forward, making it come out of an eye socket through his mouth before saying, "Hey, answer me. Don't you have any manners?". "I can't kill him. Not yet. Isn't there anyone still alive? It doesn't matter how injured they are as long as they are breathing... I can use this shot to turn them into a titan... Then I can have them eat this guy and steal the power of the beast titan. Isn't there anyone?" I thought. An image of Erwin passed through my mind.

"Isn't there someone I can bring back-" my thoughts were interrupted by the cart titan's mouth. I assumed that it tried to eat me but I moved away and saw it taking the beast titan and run away. "Hey! Where are you going? Stop. I'm not done with you yet..." I said, my voice sounding like a defeated person. Did I just lose to him at the last moment? The beast titan commanded the remaining titans to come at me. "Wait... I swore to him... That I'd kill you no matter what." I muttered. Anger surged into me as I continued, "I SWORE TO HIM!" as I changed my blades and charged towards the titans coming at me, slashing their napes off as fast as possible so that I could follow the beast and end him.

I flew to the wall as fast as possible to find the beast titan in front of Eren. Eren had his blade to the throat of a limbless figure, possibly the colossal titan. The beast titan saw me and started running again as I flew towards Eren. My gas finished off just as I reached Eren. "That was the last bit of gas I had. I'm going after him. Give me all your gas and blades. Hurry!" I commanded Eren just before a black figure behind him coughed faintly.

The black figure was Armin. Eren was going insane after figuring out that Armin was alive. He shouted at me excitedly to give the titan serum to Armin. A certain gut feeling made me hesitate. What if Erwin isn't dead? I was handing the serum out to Eren when Floch arrived with Erwin on his back. He said that Erwin is alive and gravely injured. I took the serum back, sure that I will inject it to Erwin. "Captain?" Eren asked, surprised and scared. I checked Erwin's nose with my hand.

"He's still breathing. He's still alive...". I can keep (Y/N)'s promise... "We're giving this injection to Erwin" I stated. Eren suddenly stood up, facing me. "You just said you'd use it on Armin.." he told me, tears streaming from his eyes. "I'm choosing to keep alive the man who will save humanity" I replied to Eren. Behind me, Mikasa got her blade out.

"You guys, do you have the faintest damn clue on what you're doing? We are talking about Erwin Smith. The commander of the Survey corps. You're telling me to sit here and let him die? There's no time. Get out of my way." I told them before Eren held the box of titan serum in my hands. "Eren, look past your feelings." I told him. "My feelings? Why did you hesitate before handing over the injection?" Eren asked me. Wasn't it obvious? I was trying to keep a promise that I made. I just had to take the chance...

"I was considering the possibility that Erwin was alive." I answered. "I don't see how you ever could ever have predicted that Floch would bring the dying commander." Eren stated. "You're right. But now that Erwin is here, we're using it on him." I told him my final decision. To my surprise, he still tugged on to the box and I had no choice other than punching him on his face, and sending him flying. Mikasa ran at me with her sword and jumped on me with her blade on my throat. Why couldn't I fight her? I was always stronger than her, but, was it guilt that made me feel this way? The fact that I probably was being selfish? That I wanted Erwin alive more for personal reasons than just the fate of humanity?

Hanji pulled Mikasa off me. She explained to her that everyone lost people dear to them today. She lost Moblit, how she regretted not going out with him even once, how she wished to bring him back too along with many other comrades. I was up on my foot now, kneeling in front of Erwin with the injection out. Suddenly, I felt someone grab my feet. "Heichou, have you heard of the ocean?" he said. He told me how much Armin wanted to see it. Floch tried to stop him but he said it anyway. I realised that he wasn't any different from me. He wanted his best friend back. I wanted (Y/N)'s happiness. I didn't have any right to choose who is to live and who is to die but at that moment, I was forced to make a choice. I chose to give in to my personal gain.

"Troops, clear the area! Erwin will turn into a titan and eat Berthold!" I commanded. "Fools, all of them... Like little kids... The way they scream and flail..." I muttered as I walked towards Erwin with Berthold. Suddenly, flashes of my conversation with Kenny came to my mind. "They couldn't keep going unless they were drunk on something..." he told me. I folded Erwin's jacket up to his elbow. I brought the injection towards his hand. "They were all slaves to something. Even him", Kenny's voice rang in my ear just as Erwin's hand shot up. " Teacher... How'd y... find out that they don't exist?" Erwin muttered.

Realisation flowed through my mind. Someone as self obsessed as Kenny decided to die when he achieved his dreams. I remembered the conversation I had with Erwin before the expedition. The one where he said that he didn't have much plans for after he finds out what was in the basement. The conversation from before the suicide march rang in my head. "There were so many times that I thought it would be easier to just die." I remembered Erwin saying that. Erwin was able to work his wonders only because of his curiosity on what was in the basement. If he found out what was in the basement, he won't have any reason to fight anymore. Sure, he loved (Y/N) but that had nothing to do with this fight. He already gave the responsibility of (Y/N)'s safety to me before the suicide march.

Even if Erwin lived, he wouldn't be able to contribute much to humanity's victory anymore. Armin on the other hand, still has a dream that was far from being achieved. "I need to keep (Y/N) and my child safe. No matter what." I thought. Erwin's death was crucial for humanity's victory. With that thought, I injected Armin with the titan serum.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[taperwolf]

OP here with some extra details, commentary and thanks. As it's now nearly the 20th anniversary of me "saving" Sesame Street, it's nice to see this little post from 2018 has gotten some attention.

I did some searching; it turns out the episode in question is #3997 from season 33, making the day this all happened February 22, 2002. I looked for the episode online, but couldn't find it on any of the free video sites, and it's not in the package HBO Max has for streaming. I did find the summary on the Muppet Wiki, which has a few screenshots, including this one, where you can see the URL. Apparently I just caught the second segment of what they're labeling "Scene 2". It turns out the place was called "Six Crabs Yuckyworld Grouch Park". It's kind of funny, but I never did see the rest of the episode, in which Oscar can't go because it's all booked up, but his friends recreate the experience for him there on Sesame Street.

Now, a few people have questioned this story's veracity, which is probably healthy. I don't have a lot of evidence that things happened the way I said they did. Like I mentioned, the few bits of merch are in storage, and I wasn't able to find my email archives from that long ago. If domain transfer records going back that far exist, they're behind a paywall; the earliest record of the domain I could find on free sites was from 2017. Now, there is some oblique evidence, but it's a little arcane, so please indulge me as I walk through this.

When I registered yuckyworld.org, I put it up on the webhosting service I still use, these nearly 20 years later. The way its internal structure works is that you create a subdirectory in your main site for a new domain. So if your main site is www.example.org, and you then register wingedmonotremes.com, the content would show up both at that address and at www.example.org/wingedmonotremes.com/ .

So that's how I had the domain set up, and when Sesame Workshop asked me, a few days later, to redirect the domain to their site while the domain transfer paperwork went through, I moved the index.html to index-old.html and put in a PHP script to do that redirection. The PHP script got some edits over the next couple of months as things settled out. And I haven't touched the directory since.

So today, if you go to where that site was in my main site's directory tree — http://waxwolf.com/yuckyworld.org/ — it still redirects you to https://pbskids.org/sesame/ . And you can see the original page I put up — not a screenshot, the actual html page — by going to http://waxwolf.com/yuckyworld.org/index-old.html .

Now, all that could be faked. You can manipulate the time stamp on Unix files very easily, if you didn't want to just make up the screenshot. But if you look up the original, moved page's URL in the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine, it has a snapshot of that site from 2007. This isn't proof that it was there in 2002, but setting up a forged website for an event that didn't happen five years previously, all in order to claim very low-level Tumblr fame in a post made another 11 years later seems convoluted, at best.

(The Wayback Machine also has a snapshot of Sesame Workshop's yuckyworld.org site from October 2002-December 2005; I was always a little disappointed that they didn't do more with it, but as it's just a one-off gag, I understand. They still own the domain, but it's not presently pointing at anything real.)

There's one more slight bit of evidence that the page was made at the time. On the original page, I said that if the Children's Television Workshop contacted me, I'd give them the site. When someone contacted me, it was Sesame Workshop — they'd changed their name in 2000. So I put in the update, at the top of the page, "Sesame Workshop has contacted me and I am in the process of transferring the domain to them," but didn't correct the original use of the old name. Somebody going back to hoax this would probably be consistent with the non-profit's name.

Someone also poked at the claim I made about getting "nice letters from parents"; I should clarify that my site was online during the afternoon showings of Sesame Street, and for a few days thereafter, and had my email address on it. A few parents who'd gone to the site and saw my warning page sent nice messages to me there or on the message board link I'd put in. Nobody sent physical letters or anything.

(I don't think there was even a letter in the merch package I got later. The people I'd spoken to had asked if I wanted money for the domain — there was a lot of cybersquatting in those days — and I told them I didn't need any, joking that I'd just consider it as catching up on those PBS donations that I'd meant to make. I added that a bit of swag would be nice, like a t-shirt or something, and that's when they sent the gifts.)

Of course, most commenters have been overwhelmingly positive, almost embarrassingly so; the only other complaint I've gotten is for me referring to the cast photo I got as "autographed", in scare quotes. Believe me, I take Muppet kayfabe as seriously as anyone, but this one I won't back down on. The photograph simply had, printed onto it in a handwriting font, "From your friends at Sesame Street". I'd never put the scare quotes in if there were autographs!

To be honest, I've never been completely clear on how the Sesame Workshop folks viewed my actions, as helpful to them in a PR sense or as irritating from an IT perspective; probably both, since the domain transfer involved different registrars and took a lot of paperwork and hassle that would have been avoided if they'd gotten the domain in the first place. So when one commenter said they'd heard the story independently in discussion at a PBS station, it really did make me very happy.

Did I ever tell you folks about the time I saved Sesame Street?

Back in 2002, I was attending the University of Oregon (my second go at college, and my third school) and had the morning off from classes, and was idly flipping channels (because people used to do that) and landed on PBS as Sesame Street came on.

Now, I grew up on Sesame Street, and I’m still a big fan of the layers of humor they manage, so I figured I’d watch a bit and probably flip away if I got bored. In the street segment, Oscar the Grouch was watching some grouch TV station as it played an ad for an amusement park, something like “Sick Flags Over Yuckyworld”, and in this ad, in that early internet time, they included a URL: yuckyworld.org .

I thought this was hilarious, and particularly loved the fact that it was a .org domain, so I got on my computer to see what CTW/Sesame Workshop had put up.

They hadn’t put anything up.

They’d neglected to register the domain.

I immediately had horrific visions of what might show up there. Anybody could snap the name up. 4chan wasn’t around yet, but it was the heyday of Something Awful and rotten.com, and I had huge fears of somebody putting up some shock site just in time to hit the afternoon broadcast.

So I registered the domain myself, and within 15 minutes or so had a barebones site up, just a text affair to hold the place, explaining what had gone on and letting the showrunners know that I’d give them the site if they contacted me.

They did indeed contact me by the next day, and I arranged to transfer the domain back to them. I think the situation was that they’d intended to register the domain — the next segment was Oscar getting an adult to help him look up the site on the web, so it was intended as a teaching thing — but paperwork had gotten lost and the episode aired before the site was ready. I got some nice letters from parents thanking me for looking out for their kids, and the SesameStreet.com folks sent me a t-shirt, a mug, and one of those “autographed” photos of the Muppet cast.

So, anyway, that’s my contribution to children’s television history.

[wyattwesleywriting]

Hey there! I wanted to ask you smthing. Life can be real dull at times you know and even though you want to kick start with a new beginning, you just can't, instead you choose sorrow. So can u help me figure out a solution to this problem?

I am so sorry for the late response, @theincessantlearner. I had a lot going on the last few months and didn’t log in so I honestly didn’t see this until recently. 

I know what you mean by life just being dull or mundane at times. Especially when you can’t just restart. I don’t have the best advice because I tend to be the person to just accept it and wallow. That being said, I have a couple of suggestions that might help .

Consider restarting. I know you said you can’t but there are sometimes when you get the opportunity when you think you wouldn’t. Maybe it’s graduating high school and moving away to another university. As hard as it may seem, I know people that move across the country to do this (or move countries). Or transferring colleges. It seems hard, it doesn’t seem worth it. But it’s doable, talk to someone at your university and where you want to transfer, they will help you. Look for a new job if you’re not in school. There are opportunities everywhere and it could be something you never considered. You can always restart, even if it seems impossible. 

You don’t have to reset your life or completely uproot it to change it or have something exciting happen. Try taking classes, meeting new people, or doing new things. I grew up in a small town (like under 500 people) and there were still classes and opportunities near me. It was a drive, but most people in small towns are used to that. You can take an art class or go to your local library and take a sewing class. Hell, even just sitting in a knitting class and talking to people there. People are really nice and it could introduce you to new and exciting people. I can’t speak for all religious, but I know a lot of christian churches host events and meet and greets. Even if you’re not religious smaller churches have a lot of people that are just generally nice people. Not everyone tries to push their faith on you, they just kinda want to welcome you in the community. I know religious people get a bad rap, especially because there are some extremists, but not everyone is that way, I promise. I can’t guarantee it, but I would be surprised if other religions weren’t the same way.  

Find something you love that can help you until you can restart your life. Read, go to your local library, get a part time job, learn a language, learn a new art on youtube… There are a million things you can do to make you feel like you’re not just stuck. 

I’ve had a mental illness for most of my life, so I know how hard it can be to just do something. Like you said, sorrow is a choice, and you choose it. Even if it’s the harder choice, try your hardest not to choose that. There are so many resources, you just have to take advantage of them. For instance, there was a library near me that had all these cool records throughout history. Once you get out there and start taking advantage of these things, you meet people that introduce you to other things or just make the mundane more enjoyable. Sorry it’s not the best advice, but it’s the best I’ve got. 

[professortennant]

Hiya, I wanted to ask you something. It seems like it's so easy for you to write, and you can't NOT write. But I, a long time self proclaimed writer, can't often make myself write more than 200 words at a time. It feels like I'm forcing every word out of me, even if I do want to write. Maybe I'm just not meant to write?

You’re totally right--more times than not, it is easy for me to write. I think it probably helps that both of my jobs revolve around writing/reading/editing. I am constantly surrounded by the parts of the overall process. And you’re also spot-on, I do have to write. Otherwise, I literally will not be able to sleep and focus and all I can think about during the day and night are these characters and scenarios.

BUT. 

I have days--long strings of days that sometimes turns into weeks--where writing fic simply doesn’t happen for me. It comes out muddy and repetitive and, frankly, painful to read and write. Sometimes I post those things anyway (my latest S/J porn battle fic is one of the weakest thing I’ve ever written, imo). 

I guess, it’s overall kinda hard for me to give advice because I genuinely do not think too hard about writing or how to write; it naturally comes pretty easy to me. Like, I’m not trying to brag or anything, but it is just something I don’t have to work that hard at (I mean, I’m not saying I’m writing the next great american novel, but I can manage a couple thousand words of fanfic). 

BUT.

A few tips, maybe:

READ. R E A D. R!!!E!!!A!!!D!!! The more you read, the better writer and writing experience you have. It increases your vocabulary and understanding of sentence structure. It helps give you ideas and inspiration. It keeps your brain in the story realm. READ! Fic, magazines, novels, the back of a shampoo bottle while you poop--I don’t care. READ.

Use pen and paper if your muse if feeling stuck (at least to get you started). That is, weirdly, always my trick for both (a) unsticking the muse and (b) getting the bones down for my story. Because when you transfer from pen/paper to computer, you’ll automatically start adding and editing here and there.

Dude, have fun. The second I feel pressured or obligated to write or get something out, I completely shut down. I write for me and me only. You know that 2-cake theory post? I’m baking myself a whole goddamn bakery. I write the things I love and the things I want to read and if people want to read them, too? G R E A T. If not? That’s totally cool, too.

Find yourself a sounding board. If I’m in your fandom, I’m totally happy to be that person! If you’ve got friends in the fandom, talk to them! Start spitballing headcanons and writing little mini fics (just 3-5 sentences) and see what sticks. The sheer volume of fic and headcanons and whatnot that @mystupidumbflyboy and I shoot at each other is ridiculous--and it is 100% the basis of a lot of my fics. 

Maybe try finding a writing group? Find people to cheerlead for you and help you?

And, if at the end of all that, it still feels like writing is painful and hard and it just isn’t happening for you? Then, maybe, just maybe, writing isn’t for you? An author I adore (Seanan McGuire) said that to someone once who asked for writing advice (who had a similar problem you are having) and I was shocked she said that! But it’s true. Sometimes we have stories in our heads--phenomenal stories--that we just can’t get on the page. 

Maybe you have a gift for oral storytelling? Try telling your story out loud and recording it. Maybe you can tell your story a different way.

If you want to talk more, please feel free to shoot me a message! I hope anything that I said helped!