#but when I make decisions the benefit my health I’m being selfish?!

[fairy-grotto]

I wish there was like, a little creature, who would vet me on a day to day basis and decide whether I am well enough to work that day or not.

[rebel666]

Confessions of  a Joann Employee

UPDATE: If you want to send more confessions and/or report what’s happening at your Joann anonymously, there’s EmployeeJoann on Twitter that is responding to messages. They are constantly sharing and updating more as it becomes available to them!

A confession from a Joann employee that is in one of the Covid-19 effected areas and has so much to say about it:

-We are staying open until told by the state otherwise. Even though they declared a State of Emergency and all non-essential businesses must be shut down by 5pm on Saturday 3/21, our company is refusing to. Because Joann themselves is trying to deem Joann as an "essential" store. They even put it all over their website that we are here for the people making masks and small businesses who need fabric to continue. They quote that we are here for the customers and that we as United States Americans have a responsibility to fill this need. They aren’t looking at curbside only as an option, they aren’t looking at offering more benefits for shopping online, they want us open and people in stores. They are sending us emails with pieces of paper (unofficial, not state made) to print out and put in our cars to say we are on the way to work at an "essential retailer." Anything to make it so we can remain open.

-This sucks for employees and here’s why: The way Joann is set up is if we get sick, if we have to leave to take care of someone who is sick, if we want to self-quarantine (because of our health or the health of our loved ones), we either quit or ask to be put on Leave of Absence and cannot return without medical clearance. If we come into contact with someone who has Covid-19 (even if they came into the store), they request we stay home while the rest of us have to work even if we were standing right next to them. As long as we don’t display symptoms, we are expected to show up or we can request LoA. LoA does not pay us. The only way we as employees will be taken care of is if the store closes AND if we have two weeks of schedules set up. I was hoping the company was on the path to this when they had us cancel all the classes until May and then limited hours but all that went out the window today. Right now Joann is doing everything to prevent us from closing and in turn take care of their employees. Every single time I bring up our well-being, I get reminded that we need to think about the customer first.

-Our store is step up to have daily conference calls to talk about the current status and to express any concerns we have. I brought up the status about my county (our major has declared everyone be shut down as of 5pm tomorrow or the police will be involved) and that I am deeply concerned for us and they told me that we have a responsibility as a leader to keep everyone calm and to keep working through this. ***When I asked what if everyone in my store requests a Leave of Absence because we are all very much concerned about our health, they said, "We will replace you with team members from other stores. There are service industry people and travel workers looking for jobs and we will fill your positions with people who will work it."*** They straight up told me that we are replaceable/expendable because they value their "customers/money." It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been with the company. It all means nothing to them.

-They are sending out emails about what Joann is doing as a whole for Covid-19. Saying we are cleaning every hour and whatnot. What they fail to mention is we are a fabric store with no means of washing fabric. I see people on a daily basis cough into, wipe their snot on, kids place in their mouth, and all sorts of other nasty things into these bolts of fabric (seriously, wash the fabric you buy from Joann before doing anything). We have the basic cleaning supplies to wash floors and wipe counters with but that’s pretty much it. They are telling us as employees to bring in our own supplies if we can. An employee brought in gloves long ago just so we can use them to clean the bathrooms. Today I provided face masks for my fellow coworkers. Our store may look clean but we know its dirty little secrets.

-We are supposed to follow the whole 10 people rule but they do nothing to stop or limit people at the door and won’t do anything to enforce it. All while wanting us to cut hours to which is barely 2 people running the whole store for smaller Joann locations. It’s not safe for us to be on a bare-bones crew especially if they want us to remain an essential store.

-Joann before this was a great place to work. At least for my store. I love my store, I love the people I work with. Other stores I have heard horror stories from but mine was one of the good ones. I see them being bombarded on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to close. Not just by employees and families of employees but by concerned customers. And this pleases me because they need to take this seriously. What they do in the next 3 days will speak volumes on how much they listen to and care about us. This is a serious issue and we as employees are suffering.

As they report more, I will continue to add to this.

UPDATE 3/21: They emailed and made copies of this for employees to carry with them in their cars:

Now the CEO of Joann is also a piece of work. All you have to do is google his name and you’ll see the Walgreen’s lawsuit, his DUIs (yes, plural), and his impact on Joann since joining - which includes increasing prices because of the tariffs. One employee confirms that when tariff thing went into effect, the entire store was repriced. Some markups were a few cents but some were a few dollars. Since then the prices continue to fluctuate.

There is also a petition going on Change.org asking for Joann to Close Their Stores And Pay Employees

If you get a chance, read some of the comments people are putting in support of this:

I no longer feel safe in my workplace. The greed is sickening.

My employees deserve to be treated like people and make a livable wage and have benefits! Our health over their profit!

Staff at my local store have been asked to bring in their own gloves for cleaning. Hand sanitizer expired in 2012. Employees are reporting little to know cleaning supplies in a store that targets the elderly as a primary demographic. The material used in the masks is not medical grade. This company is shamelessly profiteering from the pandemic.

As a former employee and manager I know the company does not follow any real cleaning guidelines. They understaff their stores, overwork their employees and frown upon time off. Fabrics and crafts are not essential items at this time and since the majority of the clientele there are elderly i think they are creating more risk. Finally do something good for your employees and send gem home with pay

As a previous manager, I'm sad to say that this company does not value its workers. To see that they are putting their workers, and others who visit, at a continued risk is unbelievable and is extremely selfish. Now is the time to act and stop the spread of COVID-19 and to keep Joann's open does not help stop the spread in anyway shape or form.

Over the last two days, my local store decided to carry on with inventory. They brought in an inventory team from the area of our state with the vast majority of cases. It's one thing to not close and continue to expose the public to the risk, but decisions like these show that Jo-Anns has a blatant disregard for the wellbeing of its employees and customers. Even more telling is the fact that we know that you are seeing our pleas to do the right thing, but continue to ignore us on social media. There is only one reason that you are pushing to categorize Jo-Anns as an essential business, and that is greed. In fact, I had to spend my own money on gas to drive all over the city looking for more cleaning supplies after my manager ordered me to. Your employees do so much for you, and we are compensated very little. I have been at Jo-Anns long enough to know that you would never compensate us for our time off, but at least join the other non-essential business and shut down for the time being.

joann’s customer base is primarily elderly or otherwise at risk people, and many employees are also older or immunocompromised. employees are overwhelmed as we can’t keep up with the cleaning guidelines while also taking care of customers, not to mention we’re severely lacking in cleaning supplies in the first place. joann is encouraging people to come in for supplies to make face masks, yet these masks aren’t sterile since people touch and breathe on the fabric all day, and it’s then laid on the counter to be measured and cut. employees themselves aren’t even allowed to wear masks or gloves. joann cares more about profit than the safety of both their team members and customers.

There are so many comments I want to share. These are just a few. This is Joann. They care more about their image and their financial gains than the backbone of their stores. The people who put up with their ridiculous requests day in and day out are now at risk and putting others at risk. Places like Hot Topic closed down and took care of their employees, places like Joanns should too!

But also lets not forget, Hobby Lobby is also not taking Covid-19 seriously.

UPDATE 3/22: “We have signs saying we're cleaning more but found out Friday that we're out of supplies in the distribution center. They claim they will send them out once they receive any but I found out today from a truck driver the company that supplies everything for Joann (from inventory to store use items) is closed for 2 weeks... because of this they're telling us to use the bathroom cleaner as a substitute.”

From Joann Employee Confessions on Twitter:

Confession 17 - Our Joann was closed! We received a C&D from the Chief of Police! We were so ecstatic as employees when they came in and told us to cease all business operations! Not even curbside! BUT then we had to tell our District Manager... and everything changed.

Our DM told us to come back to work tomorrow because he was going to have Joann's lawyers work on it. My heart sank. Them being open was more important. So I went into work and it was so nice not being open to the public. We finally caught up on recovery and cleaning! All things we have neglected the past week because it's been too busy for us to keep up! All of us were in great spirits and it was the best day ever. Until our DM called... and he told us to section off all the "non-essential" parts of the store.

Fabric and sewing notions were deemed essential and we would be open to the public the next day. No curbside only. Nope. People were to come right back in and nothing about limitations. Nothing about cleaning our disgusting fabric. Just to section off half the store so the public could come in and buy all the fabric and sewing supplies they could want. And to add to that... they are doing a remnant promotion where all the spare pieces are free to the customer now! Another thing for our already spare crew to do when we don't have time!

I am honestly so shattered over how the Chief of Police who seemed so interested in our well-being backed out of this. We are exposed once again. 3 of us tonight took Leave of Absence papers tonight because we don't feel safe. This was the final nail in the coffin.

UPDATE - My coworker messaged me, “Got up at 10:00 to get ready for work. A text came in saying the store is closed and I don't have to come to work. Seems there was a conference call. It appears the state is involved and overrode the mayor!” But Joann is still fighting it. This is a day by day thing. They are telling us if we want hours we have to go to another store. If not, we have to put in our leave of absence. 

More articles coming through right now: 

These Retailers Refused To Close During The Pandemic, So An Illinois City Shut Them Down

Joann Fabrics' mask-making promotion raises questions

Gregory said the masks were being donated to Rush Oak Park Hospital in Oak Park and to Northwestern Medicine Delnor Hospital in Geneva – but spokespeople for both those hospitals said it was not true.“Due to infection control measures, Northwestern Medicine cannot accept donations of handmade masks, gowns and other medical supplies,” according to an email from Kimberly Waterman, spokeswoman for Northwestern Medicine Delnor. “Only factory-made, hospital-quality supplies, including N95 masks, face shields, gloves, gowns, sanitizers and swabs can be donated.”

“There is no barrier,” White said. “Once [handmade cloth masks] get wet, I don’t think they’re that effective.” (I can confirm. A RN confirmed with me that cloth masks collect moisture which acts as a magnet for infections.)

[starrybethany]

I’m Sure - Adam Boqvist Imagine Part 6

Adam Boqvist: I’m Sure Masterlist

Word Count: 3.7K

Taglist: @flowery-mess​ @musiclove-12​

I sit in the lobby of the gynecologist’s office, flipping mindlessly through a parenting magazine. These magazines are so stupid- they’re meant to make parenting look easy and flawless, like nothing could go wrong- spoiler note, they’re wrong.

Your partner could leave you at any moment.

Your child could lie to you.

You could end up unexpectedly pregnant multiple times.

Children aren’t as easy as people like to think that they are. I sigh, throwing the magazine onto the coffee table in front of me and peak at my watch. It’s a minute until the time that my appointment is actually scheduled for. I was hoping to get in earlier to get out earlier. I want to pick Holden up from school and take him to an arcade to relax, since everything has been so hectic lately.

The slow, casual opening of the sliding doors are a sharp contrast to the frazzled, out-of-breath man that runs through them. He pants, looking around frantically at all of the couples staring back at him before locating me.

“Oh good, you haven’t gone in yet,” he gasps, practically throwing himself into the chair next to me and turning his hat around on his head so it’s backwards.

“I thought you were a professional athlete, how are you so out of breath?” I point out, ignoring his comment.

“I’ve been missing my workouts to hang out with you and the boys,” he gives me a flirty smile.

I roll my eyes. “Sorry to be such an inconvenience.”

His smile fades as he looks at me. “Hey, that’s not what I-“”Y/N Y/L/N?” The nurse calls my name at the perfect time.

I jump out of the chair, different from the past couple of weeks where I’ve had to ease myself up due to my growing belly.

“How are you doing today?” The nurse asks as she leads the way down the hallway.

“I’m good, how about you?”

“I’m good, thank you.”

Adam trails behind us as we enter a small exam room. He hovers awkwardly in the doorway as the nurse brings me over to the scale, weighing me and taking down my height. I motion to one of the empty chairs beside the computer and he quickly sits down, an apologetic look on his face.

I can’t help but feel annoyed.

I know he’s new to this and uncomfortable and I should just appreciate him being here in the first place, but holy hell I can’t hold his hand through everything. If he can’t even sit down in a fucking chair by himself, how can I trust him to change a diaper? Or God forbid, if he had to be with the baby by himself?

I’m doubting the man next to me as I take the chair beside him, updating the nurse on my personal information.

“Any concerns?” The nurse asks, typing furiously on the keyboard.

“My back is hurting really bad. With my last pregnancy, I don’t remember it hurting this bad,” I confess, rubbing my lower back as the shooting pain makes its way through my back.

“I will write a note for the doctor. Alright, she’ll be in shortly,” she smiles before leaving.

I feel like I’m practically begging her with my eyes to stay. I don’t want to be left alone with Adam, I know I should get used to it because he sounds like he wants to be involved in the boys lives now, but there’s something preventing me from feeling fully comfortable around him.

“What was it like with Holden?”

His question snaps me out of my thoughts, and I turn my head towards him, making eye contact with him. I feel taken aback every time we make eye contact- it’s like I’m seeing his blue eyes for the first time all over again.

“What was what like with Holden?” You’ve missed out on a lot of moments, you’re going to have to be specific here, buddy.

“Your pregnancy,” he shifts awkwardly. “You said you have more backaches this, uh, time, than you did when you were, um-“”You can say the word pregnant, Adam.”

He clenches his jaw. “Fine. You said you have more backaches this pregnancy than when you were pregnant with Holden, so what else is different? There, are you happy I said it? Pregnant.”

“Whatever,” I cross my arms over my chest, excitement for this appointment ruined by Adam’s shitty attitude. He’s shown me time and time again that he’s still selfish, so tell me again, why am I allowing him to be here?

“Well?”

“Well what?” I question, looking at him in disbelief.

“What’s different?” He asks like I’m the stupid one.

“Oh my God, Adam, I still get nauseous at the smell of scrambled eggs, my feet hurt more when I was pregnant with Holden than with this baby, but this baby makes my back hurt more, and this baby loves to kick way, way, way fucking more than Holden did. There, are you happy I said it?” I repeat his question. “Do you feel like asking about my pregnancy with Holden makes up for you not being there?”

He’s quiet. We sit in this sharp tension for a good five minutes before the doctor arrives, neither of wanting to say anything. Or maybe it’s that we just don’t know what to say.

“Hi, how are we feeling today?” Dr. Rocht questions as she enters the room.

“Hungry,” I respond, dreaming about the local sub shop down the street from the women’s clinic.

Adam gives me a look of disbelief, like he can’t believe that I would even be thinking about food after the fight we just had. But hey, the baby’s hungry.

“Why don’t we have you climb on the exam table so we can get you an ultrasound of this growing baby, huh?” She requests.

I nod, standing up and climbing onto the table, lifting my shirt so that my small bump is in view.

I see Adam’s eyes widen at the sight of it, like he didn’t actually realize that I was pregnant, but I ignore him.

“So did you open the envelope to see what you’re having?” She makes small talk as she preps the equipment.

“It’s a boy,” I smile with the news.

“A boy,” Dr. Rocht repeats with a smile of her own, “Is your son excited to have a younger brother?”

“He is! I think he would’ve been excited either way, but I think he’s really looking forward to having a baby brother.”

She rubs the gel on my lower stomach and I’m silent as I stare anxiously at the ultrasound screen, waiting for the picture of my baby boy to show up.

There he is. With his little button nose, tiny lips, and the outline of his body, I cherish it every time I get to see him. He’s really there- he’s really inside of me. Using my body and the nutrients that I give him, he’s growing.

A wide, cheesy grin spreads across my face as I see him.

“Are you okay there, dad?” Dr. Rocht’s voice snaps me out of the moment I’m having with myself.

I turn to look at Adam, seeing him ball his hands into fists and rub at his eyes, sniffling along with the motion. “Yeah, it’s just, uh, the first time that. I’ve seen this.”

A pane of guilt hits my chest with the way I’ve been treating Adam. He’s been out of his kids’ lives for the past thirteen years, yes, but he’s trying now. And shouldn’t he get some credit for that?

The gynecologist asks me a question, turning my attention back to her. She gives me some advice about how to deal with the backaches and prints out three pictures of the ultrasound. One for me, one for Adam, and one for Holden. I tuck two of them into my purse and give the other to Adam, heading to the front desk to make my next appointment right away.

The blonde man walks past me as I talk to the receptionist, out through the front doors and into the parking lot. My emotions have been all over the place all day- I’m aware of that- but walking away from me after asking me to be involved in your sons lives and crying at the ultrasound just seems downright disrespectful and inconsiderate.

His actions clearly aren’t matching up with his words.

I walk into the parking lot, unlocking my car.

“Y/N.” I look over to see Adam waiting on a bench outside of the building, looking back at me.

“What, Adam?” I question, just wanting to get my sub, eat it, and take a nap. I feel so drained from the last couple of days. Although this may be benefiting my children, this whole process with Adam is entirely exhausting to me.

“I’m looking for an apartment. Here, in Philadelphia. For the next three months,” he informs me.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, speaking slowly. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?” I can tell by his tone that he’s instantly defensive.

That’s why, I want to respond. Because you aren’t willing to listen or understand anything other than your opinion.

“Adam, I just,” I sigh, shifting my purse strap. “Holden still hasn’t decided whether he wants a relationship with you, and I don’t know when he will make a decision. And- and there’s nothing you can do for me or this baby right now.”

“I just came to an ultrasound with you,” he points out.

“And you started an argument with me while in there.” I wave my hands around for emphasis, probably looking like a crazy person but needing to get my point across. “You stress me out. And it’s not good for my health or the baby’s health. I’m sorry, but I think you should return to Chicago. I’ll send you weekly updates.”

I get into my car, knowing that his eyes are following me, but his mouth doesn’t move. He’s finally starting to understand what I’m saying.

~

One of the good things about having a baby bump, beside it meaning that the baby is growing healthily, is that you can balance things on it. Like right now, when I have three stacks of plastic cups resting on my stomach as I carry them from the back to the front.

I set the cups on the counter, bending over to put them away.

“Okay, Y/N, Rachel, Marcella, and I have been talking, and we really like Sebastian,” Lia informs me, sliding her phone into her back pocket.

Marcella asked for the day off and Rachel had to leave early to go to a doctor’s appointment, so it’s just me and Lia this afternoon. It’s fine, it’s a slow Wednesday anyways.

“Who’s Sebastian? Is that the boy you’re kind of dating?” I question. The three girls are texting each other all of the time so they’re always caught up on each other’s lives, but I’m a little slower when it comes to that.

“No, for the second baby,” she beams, “Sebastian is the name of our favorite character from Vampires Defending the Nation. Have you seen it?”

“Nope,” I respond, knowing it’s probably some rip off of The Vampire Diaries.

“It’s so good! You have to see it,” she gushes, “So, have you thought about other names for the baby yet?”

“Not really,” I confess. “I mean, I still have another four months to think about it.”

“Hey, Y/N,” a familiar voice interrupts my conversation with Lia.

I turn around to face the customer, sighing when I see Adam standing expectantly on the other side of the counter.

“What can I get for you, Adam?” I step up to the cash register.

“I found an apartment and paid the down payment today. Just thought you should know,” he tells me.

“So, one large caramel Frappuccino,” I try to keep the annoyance out of my voice as I tap the order onto the cash register.

“And I wanted to invite you and Holden over for dinner tonight.”

“Extra whip, that’ll be an additional dollar.” My fingers jap the register harder now.

“Come on, Y/N, please. Just talk to him for me,” he pleads, pulling cash out of his wallet despite never ordering the Frappuccino.

“It is not my job to fix this for you,” I snap at him, lowering my voice once I notice other customers begin to look at us. “You got yourself into this, you can get yourself out of it. I’m sick of you fucking up and it all falling onto me, Boqvist.”

“Just tell him to respond to my texts, please.”

“It’s like you never hear a word I say,” I shake my head, exhausted from his attitude. “Your total is $5.47.”

He hands a fifty-dollar bill to me and I make sure to avoid contact with his hand, not wanting to end up in the same situation we ended up in last time we were in this café together.

“Keep the change.”

I hand him back two twenty-dollar bills, four singles, two quarters, and three pennies.

Keep the change my ass. Do you think throwing money at me will get me to change my mind?

“Coming right up,” I give him a fake smile, turning around to make his drink.

As I hand him the large cup, he leans in closer to me. I feel like I’m holding my breath, like if I release the oxygen from my lungs it’ll tangle with the oxygen from his lungs and we’ll be connected again.

“Just think about dinner, okay?” He gives me a soft smile before the front door chimes after him.

“Is that baby daddy?” Lia’s voice startles me out of my frozen state.

I nod, not trusting my voice to speak.

“Wow, he is hot,” she exclaims. When I give her a look of disapproval, she adds, “And an asshole. Total asshole.”

~

“Mom,” Holden hollers, stumbling down the steps. I pause Vampires Defending the Nation at the perfect time since Holden stops right in front of the TV.

“What’s up, bud?”

“Adam told me that he wants to buy me the new Halo game,” he states excitedly.

I keep myself from rolling my eyes. First he tries to pay me to talk to Holden for him at the café and now he’s buying Holden’s love by getting him a new video game.

Does this man think that money just fixes everything?

“That’s nice, honey,” I try to give him a smile, but it probably looks more like a grimace.

“And, uh,” he suddenly looks shy, making me wonder what Adam told him this time. I never know with Adam- I can never predict him. “And he told me that he, um, invited us over for dinner. And, uh, I would like to go, if, if you want to.���

I study him. He’s not fiddling with his fingers, he’s avoiding eye contact with me not because he’s lying, but because he’s unsure of my reaction, he’s not biting his lip. He’s not feeling pressured into doing this by Adam, it’s something that he really wants to do.

“Are you sure?” I question, giving him the chance to change his mind.

“I’m sure, mom.”

“Alright,” I pull out my phone slowly to text Adam that we’d be there in an hour, giving Holden the final chance to change his mind.

He doesn’t. And now I have to see Adam in less than an hour, something that I’m dreading, yet somehow deep inside, looking forward to.

~

Adam’s apartment is only twenty minutes away from our small townhouse, but it’s a stark difference to how we live. Whereas the brick outside of our townhouse is from the early 1900s and the paint is peeling (the landlord refuses to pay me back if I paint it myself- and I’m stubborn too, so I refuse to do it for free) while I remember Adam’s apartment building being built last year and there’s a security guard at the entrance who greets us.

I reach out to grab Holden’s hand. I’m not sure if it’s more for me or him, but I think we both need the comfort of each other.

The receptionist gets clearance from Adam to allow us up to his apartment and I hesitantly knock on the fake wood door, stepping back and waiting for it to open up.

It swings open, a beaming Adam Boqvist on the other side. “Glad you guys could make it, come on in.”

We walk into the apartment hesitantly, taking off our shoes.

“So, it has three bedrooms and two bathrooms, I figured a room for me, a room for Holden, and a room for the new baby, and uh, I made spaghetti for dinner,” the hockey player rambles, hurrying over to the stove to stir the steaming pot.

“No room for you,” Holden murmurs, teasingly, nudging my arm with his.

I roll my eyes at that, but his father clearly hears his comment, because he responds, “Oh, I was thinking she would share a room with me.”

Just as I’m about to bite back with a sassy response, he takes the pot off of the stove to dump the boiling water out. I take the time to slyly check out the apartment.

The walls are a stark white- something that he’ll regret once this baby gets into his trouble-making-toddler phase, the appliances are all brand new, and the furniture looks very modern.

Truthfully, it doesn’t look comfortable to live in. It looks like something out of a magazine.

“Dinner’s ready,” Adam announces.

We pile our plates with food, and I take a seat at the table, Holden sitting across from me and Adam sitting next to me.

“A water for you and the baby, a water for Holden,” Adam states, setting a glass down beside each of our plates before taking a seat next to me. “So, Holden, how was school today?”

I zone out as my son answers.

In the seat next to Holden, a girl a couple of years younger than him would be smiling at me. Holden would reach over to pick up the piece of garlic bread that fell in her lap, setting it on her napkin on the table. A high chair would be at the end of the table next to Adam, and in between bites of his spaghetti, he would feed the waiting, hungry baby.

That baby would be an accident. But we would laugh and joke about half of our babies being accidents, not in the way we do now, but in a joking, loving way.

A way that would show, yes, this wasn’t planned, but we’re in this together. We’re always in this together.

It’s what could have been. We could have had a nice house that we designed together, three kids that were by both of us, hell, even a dog. We could have been together. We could have done this together.

“Mom?”

I look at Holden with questioning eyes. He gives me a look of concern, nodding towards Adam. “Adam asked you a question.”

I swallow the lump in my throat, meeting Adam’s eyes. He’s always been good at telling my emotions, and that’s why he can press my buttons so easily. But now he just looks like he wants to comfort me, wrap me in his arms and never let me go.

“Sorry, what did you ask?”

“Are you alright?” He mumbles like we’re the only people in the room, ignoring my question.

“I’m fine, um, the baby’s just kicking me really hard,” I lie, hoping that even if he doesn’t believe it, he’ll accept it.

He nods slowly, a tell-tale sign that he doesn’t believe my lie, but he’ll let it slide. “I asked you who you were working with today.”

“Oh, that’s Lia,” I answer. We make small talk for the rest of dinner, but I feel concern oozing both from the man beside me and the boy across from me.

I just need to get through this dinner, then I can go home and sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

I pull the shoe onto my foot, losing my balance and beginning to tumble forward. A hand shoots out to catch me, steadying me.

“Thank you,” I murmur as I rise to my full height, planting my feet firmly on the ground.

“Gotta be careful, there,” Adam mumbles back, arm still holding onto mine. We stand there in a comfortable silence for the first time in thirteen years. I don’t want it to end, but then I remember that Holden still has homework to do, and I have to do some things before work tomorrow.

“We should get going now,” I state, moving towards the door.

“Y/N, wait,” his voice stops me. I turn around to face him. “Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’m trying. And I know I’ve been saying that for a while and I haven’t really been acting like it, but I rented this apartment, and I cooked this dinner and I’m trying to be there for Holden because I haven’t been there for him.

“And I’m trying to be there for you, too. Not just because you’re carrying my child, but because you’ve been supermom for the past thirteen years. You stepped up when I couldn’t, for the both of us, and it’s just, you just,” he takes a deep breath. “You deserve the world.” I feel something tug at my heart.

“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for not being there then, I’m sorry for not being here now when I have been here, I’m sorry for everything. And I’m going to do everything in my power to show you how sorry I am.”

I nod, soaking in his words. He’s apologizing. He’s realizing his actions- or lack thereof. And now we just need to see if his actions will match up with this grand speech he just gave me.

“You better,” I say quietly, walking out of his new apartment.

“What took you so long?” Holden asks from his spot in front of the elevator.

“I had to talk to your dad.”

“Was it- was it a good talk?” He questions, eyes asking an unasked question.

I nod. “It was a good talk, Holden.”

[nostuntmanneeded]

I've thought about the 'jabs' a couple of times as well and while I don't exactly condone namecalling and that I do believe that people go out of line in a couple in situations, in my opinion, the ones specifically that were mentioned above like spoiled brat and things like that are not just plain petty and untrue remarks, because I can get where the frustration is coming from and that's a huge thanks to the long insightful tips. Try to go back to the recent thorough tip talking about Cultural Appropriation and the ones explaining what's wrong with her doing PR, it might help you understand things more. People are not calling her dumb because they think she's illiterate, she's being called dumb because the way she behaves is not on par with her age and the behavior of a person capable of acting and making decisions with good reason and responsibly and also has decent cognitive skills. She's not a child, she's a grown woman who is almost 30 years, she should know better. A reasonable person would know better than to make multitudes of unecessarry travels at the height of a global pandemic or at least know how to follow the protocols. Never forget that when she went back to the US, it hasn't even been a week upon arriving LA when she was found hiking outside and when she posted a picture of her at the cinema, it has been over a year since the pandemic started at that time, and she have made a lot of travels by then, you can't possibly tell me that she was not aware that she was supposed to isolate herself for two weeks. Even if for some insane reason, she truly was not aware if it, I wouldn't exactly call it wise and responsible to choose not to learn about the protocols of the country you're travelling to in the midst of a deadly and uncontrollable pandemic, and so is choosing to follow your boyfriend all the way to Prague and invite your manager and mom to follow you there like you're on some sort of vacation while they are on lockdown. The authorities and citizens are obviously scared for their health and safety, the lockdown was imposed for a reason, I'm pretty sure the last thing they want are tourists (who aren't properly wearing masks) roaming around while they're trying to keep things in control. I'd consider that dumb and inconsiderate. One thing I've learned from one of the tips is that you should not trivialize cultural appropriation as it's a complete disrespect and mockery to the oppressed people who owns the culture that is being appropriated. I can definitely see why people find her dumb for willingly participating in something like that, many people were just so hurt and infuriated that they find it unbelievable that someone would be capable of doing something like that simply found it insane and foolish. She's not a teenager, she's a grown woman well capable of identifying what is right and what is wrong, she needs to act her age and act responsibly. She's way too old to be this ignorant about a lot of things and not too old to know how to use technology at the same time, the internet is a vast and almost limitless platform to educate yourself, and it' free. It's not her friends or "boyfriend's" responsibility to teach her these things and to be the ones to make her take accountability she's old enough to know. "Dumb" doesn't even have to be necessarily an insult, sometimes there are just people who are essentially dumb and that's that. If she isn't dumb then I guess she must be fully cognizant of her actions, the consequences that comes with it and the amount of people that can possibly affected and hurt by her actions then and she's just consciously ignoring it and is deliberately choosing to be indifferent and selfish. Now, about the spoiled brat part, people are not calling her spoiled just because of the fact she's rich, she's being called spoiled because she's taking advantage of her privilege and making a career out of it. As mentioned before, it's one thing to use PR stunts to boost your career but to use it as the very foundation of your career is just unethical and unprofessional.

Pursuing a career as an artist is extremely exhausting in every sense of the word with all the drawbacks you have to deal with like financial issues, discouragement, anxiety, constant rejection and all that, artists go through a lot of shit, buying your way into an industry is a big insult to artist who basically beat themselves while trying to pursue artistry. Regardless if you tried to put some effort developing your skills, it doesn't change the fact that you cheated and that you possibly stole an oppotunity for someone who is way more deserving, it's such a privileged mindset and completely selfish. If you want to achieve something, do the work, and I mean all the work that is required, if you're really passionate about it you'd know for a fact that it would completely be worth it and that taking the long way instead of a shortcut would benefit and teach you more. I don't have that much to say about the talentless part because it's highly objective and talent is irrelevant to one's moral character but I think that comes from the people who've seen her work and was not impressed by it at all. Also the fact that she's using PR to build her career kinda implies that she herself is not convinced that she has talent, that she doesn't need to pull a stunt in order to be succesful because she's a capable person. Just my two cents.

Anon, you deserve to do a mic-drop!

While I'm not a fan of name-calling either, the names that were mentioned have a legitimate reason. They're not insults, but merely harsh criticisms at the things she's done and the things she continues to do.

This was perfectly said.

[mable-stitchpunk]

With your last post, what are some of the top things that made you shudder about your character interpretations?

Oh goodness, where do I begin? Well, I'll start by saying that I'm not talking about one person in particular in any of these cases. Every interpretation is one that I've seen a few times from various sources, and I haven't seen many of them recently even. Anyway, here we go.

---

9: 1 is a rapist.

This isn't as common now, but there were a slew of 9 fanfics that came out a long while back that portrayed 1 as some kind of sexual deviant forcing himself on other Stitchpunks, sometimes with help from 8.

While 1 IS overbearing and tyrannical, he never gives any impression that he would do this. If anything, 1 seems to pull away from touch, and at times acts much more like a frail and frightened old man than anyone who can force himself onto anyone.

I find this depiction... Problematic, because it feels like it's an effort to make 1's actions more severe for drama's sake. To be blunt, I find sexual assault in most media to be a cheap tactic for drama, but 1's especially makes me twist up.

---

FNAF: Henry was depressed. (When used to excuse his behavior)

I've went into this before, so I'll only gloss over it, but as someone who has had issues I don't want to discuss, your mental health issues do not excuse your actions. Eventually there comes a point where you have to take some responsibility what you do.

...Unless you're entirely incapable of controlling your actions and behaviors, which we get no indication that Henry was.

To clarify again, Henry being depressed isn't what makes me grimace. It's the idea that Henry's depression is used to shield him when there's absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging faults as a character and using that to grow your story.

Case in point, Bojack Horseman.

---

Steven Universe: Pink Diamond was a irredeemable monster.

Pink was a victim of abuse from her parental figures and in her attempts to escape them made a horrible mistake. Was it selfish? Yes, but plenty of other characters in the series made horribly selfish decisions and they were forgiven because they got the chance.

Because Pink is gone, she is now the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong, and unfortunately this is a sentiment I saw a lot when I was in the fandom.

I'm not saying Pink's actions aren't troubling and that she didn't make a lot of terrible, self-serving mistakes, but I feel like the writing decisions meant that they used her as an easy crutch. Not even giving her the same benefit of the doubt as her parental figures.

---

Oddworld: Have some... Feelings about some of Abe's depictions, but not enough to cause a fuss about it- and I'm probably biased anyways.

---

There's some other ones too, but none as interesting to talk about as this, so I limited myself... I've got plenty more FNAF ones, but I don't want to rant. (Unless asked, in which I will gladly do so.)

...I find that a lot of my squeamish depictions relate more to me than anything else, but I feel like there's a line in the sand up there somewhere. A balancing point where things swing one way or the other.

...Except 1 being a rapist. Yeah, no, I just can't with that. Sorry. XD

[weltenwellen]

i’m in love with a person who claims to love and care about me as much as i do him but he doesn’t show it in a way i understand. we both suffer from bipolar type 1 disorder. having this kind of mental illness i know can really effect being in a stable relationship but i’m trying everything in my power to cope with it and learn how to not only be a better person for myself but for the future i desire with him. he says he wants to change as well because he too understands that being this way won’t get him anywhere but yet, every opportunity he gets to make that change, he won’t take it. in the end, it always leaves me feeling hurt and confused. i finally told him how it made me feel and he said that he’s just scared of being vulnerable and he doesn’t trust me. i told him that i feel the same way too but i’m at least trying to give the benefit of the doubt because he’s given me no true reasoning to be feeling that way but i just can’t seem to get the same in return. at this point, is this even something i should continue to pursue? i’m tired of us being some kind of “thing” just for him to suddenly not talk to me until he randomly feels like it. i’m tired of gaining more feelings for him because i think everything is finally going right just to be slapped in the face with the reality that we’ve actually gotten nowhere. i’m also really tired of hearing the excuse that he’s just so messed up in the head that he can’t be what i need even though the thought of me leaving his life and being with someone else makes him sick. i’m pretty sure i already know the answer to this but i love how sincere and detail oriented you are when it comes to helping others so i’d be honored to have your opinion ❤️

i am a little bit in awe of you from what shines through of your personality and strength in your message... how you seem to be able to and want to take care of yourself & understand yourself... but also how you already seem to have such an awareness and understanding of the difficult decision you have to make... to choose your own health and well-being over a relationship with a person you’re in love with but who does not seem to be in the same place you are right now where you can support each other and be an influence to each other which fosters growth. i think you understand that you need to separate that strong connection and understanding that comes from experiences and struggles with mental illness with your two current separate struggles and outlooks in life. you cannot change someone and you can not magically move someone along on their own private journey to match it to the pace and current place you are. that holds sadly especially true when it comes to mental health struggles and difficulties. from what you’re writing me, it seems you’ve done everything in your power to extend a hand to him, to voice the want to support him and be there with him. if that is not something he can or is willing to do... to let you in... then for now i think for your own well-being it might be best for you to take some space. i think it’s never selfish to make the choice to take care of yourself and set yourself as the first priority. on the contrary, i think if we don’t, all our relationships with the people we love suffer and our ability to connect with others does too. 

(“i love how sincere and detail oriented you are when it comes to helping others so i’d be honored to have your opinion” I love how beautifully that is worded & thank you for the compliment. you seem to be such a kind and lovely human being. I hope what i wrote��helped just a tiny bit. please take care of yourself & all the best to you ❤️)

[amphtaminedreams]

COVID-19, Negligent Manslaughter, and a Timeline of Tory Indifference

“I feel sorry for Boris Johnson. He is doing the best he can in the situation and I don’t think anybody else could have done a better job.”

[exhibit A: a gem somebody that I’m Facebook friends with reposted earlier]

It’s a sentiment that I cannot quite wrap my head around. I sit here hopeless and furious and trying to hold back tears because it’s been almost a year since England first went into lockdown and yet here we are, almost 100,000 dead, in an even worse position than we were before whilst other countries begin to slowly return to normality. It is clear to me who is to blame for this, however there are a large proportion of people who don’t want to “politicise” the actions of the PRIME MINISTER with regards to his approach towards handling a virus sweeping the country he GOVERNS. 

Typically, these kind of posts making the rounds on social media will be accompanied by some kind of photo of Boris Johnson looking somber as if to suggest that the way things have played out were beyond his control and that he is some kind of broken man beleaguered by the suffering he has, despite good intentions, inadvertently caused.

This one in particular of Johnson with his head in his hands is a staple. In reality, this is a photo taken back in 2018 whilst he was receiving flack from party members for comparing Theresa May to a suicide bomber (for her handling of Brexit, ironically) as well as from the papers due to his rumoured (now also proven, in a completely non-surprising turn of events, to be true) affair with his former aide, Carrie Symonds. 

So let’s shut this narrative-where we should feel for Boris because he’s doing his best, and apparently a better job than anybody else could’ve done in his situation- down right here. In a supposedly developed country with one of the world’s largest economies, if we’re talking by proportion, our COVID-19 death toll is up there with the worst of them. It seems that every other state figurehead (bar a small handful), and I mean almost every single one of them, is doing a better job. People love to throw figures out there about how densely populated we are to combat damning statistics as if we haven’t got just as many factors playing to our advantage, as if it’s unfair to compare our response to Germany’s or Japan’s or Singapore’s (both of which are far more densely populated) or New Zealand’s or Vietnam’s, but we are an ISLAND with world-leading technology and infrastructure and healthcare equipment and professionals and a relatively high standard of living. In what world is almost 70,000 dead in a country with abundant time and means to prepare a response reflective of said country’s leaders doing a good job?

Apparently we’re supposed to believe that Johnson feels some sense of moral responsibility for this astronomical failure. A man who refuses to acknowledge the multiple children he has fathered outside of his marriages and who has had repeatedly engaged in affairs and one-night stands throughout said marriages. A man who continued to cheat whilst his most recent wife was receiving treatment for cervical cancer, for fuck’s sake. Yep, a real stand-up guy. 

So where does this idea that Johnson must feel remorseful for this catastrophe come from? We haven’t seen a second of remorse or a hint of accountability for the lives lost from him nor any members of his cabinet. That much is really no surprise; I have this hypothesis, and it’s not a stretch, that these people do not have an ounce of empathy in their bodies. These ridiculously privileged, privately-educated individuals who have had everything handed to them their entire lives simply cannot put themselves in the shoes of the average working person and that is the problem. Unable to recognise that what distinguishes them from most others is little more than the luck of being born into wealth and the abundance of recourses and connections that has entailed throughout their lives, they see us as beneath them-as less intelligent, less driven, and thus less deserving of the status and respect they enjoy. They see us as a bunch of whining, unmotivated idiots who do not recognise the chokehold they have over our media nor the fact that everything they do is a desperate grab to keep money and power within the hands of a select group of people, an exclusive members club from which most of us are barred (just take a simple Google search and watch Jacob Rees-Mogg’s opinion of the Grenfell victims or the buried Johnson speech where he talks about how inequality is essential). They know that we will squabble amongst ourselves about who is to blame rather than wising up to the truth which is that every decision they make is fuelled by cronyism and the inability to make and follow through with difficult choices, the pandemic being no exception. The supposedly self-made elite see the life of the average working class person as having far less value than their own, and their parties actions over the last 10 years have made that very clear. 

It was in December 2019 that the first case of COVID-19 was declared to the World Health Organisation and on March the 11th that they announced they considered it as a pandemic. In Wuhan, people were dying of pneumonia in their clusters. And what was Boris Johnson doing in this time? Well for starters, here in the UK we didn’t even have a pandemic committee-Johnson had scrapped it six months before. If years of benefits cuts and defunding of the NHS in favour of funding nuclear weapon programs, keeping British troops on other people’s lands, and tax breaks for the mega corporations that donate to their party didn’t convince you that the Conservatives have little regard for human life, them getting rid of this committee-whilst a pandemic has been declared year after year as the greatest threat to mankind-should have been the first sign of trouble. As if that wasn’t enough, he also skipped five of the COBRA (meetings are made up of a cross-departmental committee put together to respond to national emergencies and PMs routinely attend those pertaining to crises on the scale of COVID-19) meetings addressing the situation. Whilst other countries were closing their borders and stocking up on PPE, Johnson and his ministers were selling PPE abroad and simply telling people to wash their hands to the length of the tune of happy birthday. Their only policy was one of “herd immunity”, which was in fact not a policy but just an abandonment of their party’s public duty disguised as one, intentionally obfuscated with pseudoscientific jargon.

Even thinking the absolute worst of politicians you would hope that when it came to the point where the UK’s non-response to COVID-19 was becoming an international disgrace, Johnson and his ministers would take proper protective measures if only to save face. But when they eventually seemed to do so, it became clear that the priority was not the safety of the ordinary people affected by the virus. Outsourcing their test and traces system to companies such as Serco, Sitel, Deloitte and G4S rather than public health services, Conservative ministers could not resist attempting to line the pockets of their friends and benefactors in the process. According to the Guardian, instead of reaching out to the experts or using publicly funded services to handle COVID containment measures, the Conservative party has awarded a disgusting £1.5 BILLION WORTH of contracts to businesses with explicit connections to its MPs and donors, the majority of which lack any relative experience of the tasks they’ve been trusted to carry out. Unsurprisingly, the National Audit office found that when awarding contracts relating to the production of COVID-19 protection measures and treatment needs, there was a “high-priority lane” for suppliers referred by senior politicians and officials; companies with a political referral were 10 times more likely to end up winning a government contract than those without. On top of this, it is not hard to draw a link between the late initiation of lockdown measures and preemptive openings of pubs and restaurants against scientific advice to the interests of frequent donors such as Wetherspoons owner Tim Martin. Even if one chooses to ignore the blatantly obvious correlation between the owners of the businesses whose profits were prioritised over safety concerns and the number of those owners who donate to the Conservatives, party officials at the very least were reluctant to follow the lead of many other countries in financing furlough schemes themselves and instead avoided this responsibility by using loose lockdown measures to leave it down to the discretion of small business owners, who couldn’t themselves afford to furlough staff, whether or not to stay open. 

Time and time again, as the government flounder and fuck about, favouring personal desires to keep their powerful, high-paying jobs and to satisfy the corporate allies who make this possible, blame has been shifted from the public to care homes to NHS workers and back again whilst we, the public, make the biggest sacrifices of all under the illusion that we were being guided out of this pandemic rather than lied to and thrown under the bus. Whilst the elite continue to pick and choose what rules apply to them, it’s students and the elderly and the vulnerable paying the fines and scrabbling to afford basic living costs and hoping that they don’t lose someone dear to them.

Don’t get me wrong, a large proportion of the public have contributed to the spread too with their selfishness and entitlement and the arrogance it takes to develop a sudden refusal to acknowledge basic science from experts who have studied in the field their whole lives so that they can justify their need to go to the pub (speaking of, it’s absolutely HILARIOUS how many “mental health advocates” are suddenly coming out of the woodworks on football avi Twitter after they’ve spent years calling people on mental health Twitter attention seekers). And don't get me wrong, there were inevitably going to be casualties of this pandemic. But it didn't have to spread to this many people, and there didn’t have to be so many deaths due to a lack of preparation, and this wouldn’t have been the case if it weren’t for the inherent apathy of the Conservative party towards the lives of people of lesser status than them, the reluctance to put those lives before party interests. I wish I felt like there was an end in sight, I wish there was some positive takeaway from all of this, but even now, we continue to see corners being cut with the vaccine lauded as our saving grace and anti-maskers gathering outside hospitals to chant about how “oppressive” it is to be urged to wear a bit of cloth over their faces for the short periods of time in which they leave their houses and all I can think of is the selfishness that runs like poison through our country. It makes me sick and leaves me to question desperately where we go from here. I don’t like unanswered questions, I don’t like feeling politically directionless, and I don’t like the growing fear I have about the state of the world which seems to intensify every single day. In the UK at least, it’s starting to feel like nothing will ever change-we’re told we live in a democracy and yet mainstream media is owned by the people whose interest is to keep their Conservative friends in power. The stronghold they have over print media in particular allows them to continually get away with smearing and defaming every person who comes along and seems to want to actually help ordinary people, without being challenged, to the point where the only kind of “opposition” we’re left with promises nothing but a big boss approved tactical reshuffling of the status quo (which they call “electability”); it doesn’t feel like democracy when the majority of the country are being fed misleading information and convinced against voting in their best interests. 

This is the result of that. The state we find ourselves in is the inevitable result of being manipulated into helping the elite build their protective wall whilst the rest of us scrabble to get in and step on each others heads along the way, the people inside shouting over that it’s those even more vulnerable than ourselves that are taking our places. Outside the wall, the earth is falling from beneath our feet, and instead of throwing over the ropes to help us out, the people inside are stockpiling them so they can secure their firm place above ground and then later flog the rest. How many more people have to die before we reach some kind of widespread realisation of that? Where do we go from here and what do we do? Well for one, we can stop spreading those god-fucking-awful textposts on Facebook and get our heads out of our arses. Wear our masks over and wear them over our fucking noses. Have some fucking consideration for others. Don’t wait til an issue affects you personally to give a fuck about it. AND START HOLDING THE FUCKING PRIME MINISTER AND HIS MINISTERS AND HIS ENTIRE PARTY AS WELL AS THE OPPOSITION MPS THAT HAVE SAT BY THE SIDELINES AND ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON WITHOUT PROTEST ACCOUNTABLE. That would be a good start. 

I’m so tired. Things didn’t need to be this way, and yet because of the selfishness of the few, thousands upon thousands are dead. It’s not about “throwing around blame”, it’s not about “throwing around” anything, it’s about expecting a leader to do his best to protect lives. If that is “throwing blame”, let’s get things clear, I have no issue with hurtling it torpedo style at those who handed out a death sentence to so many in this country rather than do anything that might compromise their own privilege. Honestly, pass me the shovel after and I’ll happily bury the wreckage in the ground. Who wants to join?:-)

[alj4890]

Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x OC* Elisse Mallin) (Drake x Riley) in a Choices The Royal Heir fan fiction

A/N This idea came to me one night when I couldn't sleep. In this version from The Royal Heir, it has been nearly three years since Riley married Drake. Their infant daughter, Hope, was named heir to Cordonia's crown. Liam considers the possibility of dating after pining for Riley all these years. Elisse is a noble and first cousin to Queen Amalas of Monterisso. She will eventually become an ambassador, settling in Cordonia to continue Amalas's alliance. She also has a small bit of significant history coinciding with Liam's social season. This first part though will take us through the past for our main characters.

Not sure who to tag for this new miniseries, LOL. Let me know if you want to be added.

Masterlist

Prologue

Two years ago, Cordonia...

"To keep people's attention away from your brother's," Constantine's voice hardened, "decision to abdicate," his fist clinched for a moment, "we will have you participate in a season for a potential bride."

Liam swallowed uncomfortably. He knew there was a possibility his father would insist on this particular custom. He had hoped though that like Leo, he would be given a few years reprieve before he had to choose a bride.

Constantine fought through the chest pain he hid from everyone as he continued to explain what the next few months would be like for his only obedient son.

"We will have the usual bevy of ladies from Cordonia's noble houses. Perhaps sprinkle a few from other countries to appease the people."

"Yes sir." Liam mumbled when his father seemed to silently demand his agreement. "Whatever you think is the best way to move forward."

"Good." Constantine waved toward the door. "You may go. We will make our announcement tomorrow."

Liam bowed his head in acceptance. Still in a state of disbelief as he made his way to his chambers, he didn't hear his best friend calling his name.

"Liam?" Drake jogged to catch up to him. "I heard about Leo. Is it true?"

The new crown prince waited to answer until they were behind closed doors.

"It is." He rubbed a hand down his face. "Leo abdicated."

Drake poured them both a drink. He observed the slight tremble in Liam's hand as he took a healthy gulp of whiskey. Eyes closed briefly as he gathered his thoughts.

"I--I'm going to have to get married."

"What?" Drake breathed in disbelief. "Why?"

"All part of being king." Liam's lips twisted in a bitter smile.

He rolled his glass between his hands as he stared down at its contents. "I have to choose one during this year's social season."

"You have to go through all that Leo did?" Drake asked.

"Yes, but unlike his, I won't know who I'm supposed to choose." Liam grimaced as he swallowed the rest of his drink. "Madeleine had been chosen years ago by Father and Regina. The competition was mostly for the public's entertainment than to actually choose a queen."

Drake slumped back in his chair. "I'm sorry, Liam."

"It's..." He got up to pace, "it's fine. It's an honor to have a chance to serve my country. To marry and have a family...perhaps life will be better."

Perhaps this palace will feel like a home, he thought.

"When will it be announced?"

"Tomorrow."

"So soon." Drake murmured.

Liam briskly nodded.

His closest friend held his glass up in a toast. "Here's hoping, Liam."

*****************

Monterisso Royal Palace, a week later...

"Elisse." Amalas hugged her cousin. "Thank you for coming so quickly."

"Of course." Elisse took the offered chair. Her eyes dropped down to the baby bump showing. "How are you feeling?"

"Good." Amalas gently patted her tummy. "This baby has finally decided I'm not the enemy and has agreed that food is definitely a good thing."

Elisse laughed, shaking her head at her cousin's humor.

"But enough about the spoiled future king or queen I’m having." Amalas handed over a letter with Cordonia's royal seal. "Read this."

Elisse scanned the invitation, eyes widening slightly. "Prince Leo abdicated? Do we know why?"

The spy queen chuckled. "You know I do." She leaned over and grabbed a file off her table. "Let's just say that the former crown prince did not want the responsibilities that went along with the crown."

Elisse opened the file and snorted. "I've heard that Lady Madeleine can be difficult to deal with."

"That along with wanting his freedom to wander the earth like a rich playboy are his reasons." Amalas pointed out a photograph one of her agents snapped recently on a cruise ship. "This woman, Katie, is an even bigger reason."

"They're engaged?" Elisse whispered in disbelief. "He didn't waste any time, did he?"

"No, he did not." Amalas reclined in her chair. "Elisse? What would you think of Monterisso gaining an alliance with Cordonia?"

"I think it would benefit our country as well as theirs." She replied, setting Leo's folder down.

Another folder was handed to her. Her lips curved into a soft smile at the pictures of Cordonia's new crown prince. Each aspect her cousin found on Liam had made him a man she thought she would enjoy meeting.

"Marriage is the easiest and strongest alliance one can have with a foreign power."

Elisse looked up. "You're suggesting  I take part in Prince Liam's search."

"Exactly." Amalas smiled at her. "I can't think of a better queen for Cordonia than you." She reached over and grasped her hand. "But feel free to say no. I won't force you to do this if you do not wish to."

"I would like to meet him." Elisse admitted. She lowered his eyes to his picture. "He is very handsome."

"You always did like blue eyes." Amalas teased.

Elisse bit back a smile. "I do."

"Would you like to attend Cordonia's social season?"

Elisse slowly nodded. "Yes, I think I would."

Amalas picked up the letter from Constantine. "I'll go ahead and schedule your health exam."

"My what?" Elisse blinked in surprise.

"Cordonia's king isn't taking any chances that his last possible heir marries a woman unable to have children." Amalas grinned at her cousin. "Lucky for him that our family is notorious for our reproduction abilities."

Elisse laughed. "Our mothers certainly came from a large family." Her smile turned tender. "Whenever I think of my future, I always see myself with three or four children."

*****************

A few weeks later, Cordonia, the King's study...

"Have you made a list of those that are participating?" Regina asked her husband.

"I have." He handed her a sheet of paper.

The Queen scanned the names. "What happened to the Monterisso viscountess? I thought from Queen Amalas's letter that they were hoping to make a match."

Constantine's lips firmed in a disappointed frown. "She cannot have children."

Regina's countenance fell. "How tragic."

"Indeed." He replied. "It would have been a profitable match for us." He released a resigned sigh. "I suppose we now settle for Madeleine to take the crown again."

***************

The viscountess's chambers, Monterisso Palace...

"Elisse." Amalas pleaded. "Please, talk to me."

The young viscountess shook her head. Tears fell silently as she clutched a pillow to her stomach. Her thoughts were too much for her. All the plans she had dreamed of as a little girl were destroyed from one simple examination.

All from thinking Liam had beautiful blue eyes and seemed like a nice man she could easily fall for.

A choked sob burst forth as she doubled over from the pain of it all.

"Elisse." Amalas tried to wrap her arms around her. "I'm so sorry."

Elisse knew her cousin was. She knew Amalas would move heaven and earth for her if she could. Unfortunately, there were some things even a powerful queen could not do.

"We'll call in every specialist we can find." Amalas whispered, gently rocking Elisse. "I refuse to believe--"

"Stop!" Elisse cried out. "Please stop." Her anguished eyes met her cousin's. "I can't continue to hear doctors say that it is impossible."

"It's not." Amalas argued. "I can’t believe you are unable to--"

"I only have one ovary!" Elisse snapped. "It is so damaged from the endometriosis and benign tumors that I'm lucky to have a period every few months." She looked down at her worthless womb. "Even my uterus is filled with fibroids to the point they have warped it beyond repair. Surgery won't help." She wiped angrily at her tears. "No one will marry me now."

"That's not true! You--"

"Amalas, you know what nobles need." Elisse bit out. "They need heirs. They need a woman to fulfill that role. I'm completely obsolete in our world now."

She turned away from her cousin's sudden tears. She didn't want her pity. She didn't want anything except those elusive images of cuddling her own children.

If she could turn her mind off and focus on something else, anything else...

"I'm going to go away for a while."

Amalas jerked upright. "What?"

"I need to be alone." Elisse turned to face her. Her eyes filled with tears when her gaze dropped down to her cousin's ever growing baby bump. "I need to come to terms with all of this."

"Will you back in time for..." An expression of guilt flickered over the queen's face for such a selfish question.

"I'll try." Elisse hedged. "I promise."

She knew Amalas depended on her. Though the two had numerous cousins sprinkled in various titled positions all over Europe, they had always had a special bond that made them more like sisters. Perhaps it was their mothers' doing that made certain they would always have the other close at hand.

But Elisse knew deep down, she would have been close to her cousin without any outside influence. The notorious Queen of Spies distrusted most people, even some of their blood relatives. Yet, she trusted Elisse with everything.

She hated to leave her during her pregnancy, but the viscountess didn’t think she could take being around an expectant mother right now.

Amalas hugged her once more. "I'll arrange your travel. But I insist you take Felix with you as a bodyguard." She waited on Elisse's agreement. "Let me know where and when you wish to leave."

"I don't care where." Elisse whispered. "Just as long as I can leave as soon as possible."

***************

New York City, a month later...

"One nondescript bar as requested." Maxwell announced, holding the door open.

"Steaks for the table!" He yelled out.

"And four whiskeys!" Drake chimed in.

Riley rolled her eyes at Daniel. "You're really going to leave me with these guys?"

"I promise I'll work two of your shifts whenever you want." He bargained.

She let out a tired sigh. "Make it three and we have a deal."

He shook her hand. "You are brutal with negotiations."

She laughed, piled the tumblers of whiskey on her tray, and headed for the bachelor party.

She passed three drinks out. "I thought there were four of you."

"There are." Drake winked at her, causing a blush to form on her cheeks. "Right behind you is number four."

She turned around and blinked.

He's so handsome.

Liam smiled at her. "Pardon me, Miss?"

"Hmm?" She shook herself out of her daze. "Of course."

His smile flashed, making her knees feel slightly weak. "If you would..." He gestured toward his seat that she was blocking.

Her cheeks flared even more with color. "Right. Sorry."

She decided then and there to not allow her eyes to rest on him the remainder of their time here.

A few hours later, Liam approached her.

"Thank you for being so patient with us." His charming smile was a bit bashful. "I don't suppose I could repay such kindness with buying you a drink."

Riley found herself mesmerized by his blue eyes. "Where were you planning on going next?"

"I actually hoped you could help with that." He rubbed the back of his neck. "The guys hoped to go to a nightclub."

Her nose wrinkled. "I say forget the nightclub. There's a beach cove I could show you that is just the place to unwind."

"That sounds perfect." He held his hand out. "Shall we?"

****************

Six months later, Edenbrook Hospital, Boston...

Elisse chewed on her lower lip, wishing she could hear what the group of doctors were saying behind the glass partition.

After taking her file and passing it to a man in surgical scrubs, Dr. Ramsey walked back into her room.

"Ms. Mallin, after further examination," his expression gentled, "I believe your doctors in Monterisso were correct."

Elisse lowered her eyes. "I see."

"I still want to perform the surgeries we discussed." He sat down beside her hospital bed. "The severe pain in your uterus will only increase if we don't remove the fibroids. Dr. Tanka isn’t sure though how it will be after your surgery."

"Whatever you think." She closed her eyes tight. "It doesn't really matter what shape it is in. I suppose we should just remove it altogether."

Her doctor rested his hand over hers. He waited patiently for her to make eye contact.

"We won't know for certain until Dr. Tanka gets in there, but we believe we can save your ovary."

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "By all means, hold on to that worthless body part."

His brow furrowed. "Elisse, I don't like the thought of you in this state of mind before surgery."

"I'm sorry." She replied automatically. "I don't mean to sound like this." Her gaze held his. "I--I never wanted much in life." Her shoulder lifted. "Perhaps it was the life I was born into, but having a family was more than passing on my noble title."

Ethan remained silent, allowing her time to express herself.

"I know I need to accept this, but I couldn't help but hope after reading about your diagnostic team," She rested her head back against her pillow, "I wanted the impossible."

"There's still a chance your uterus can remain intact. We might even be able to save some of your eggs." Ethan reminded her. "You could find a surrogate and--"

"I know." She sniffed. "And I also know there is a chance my eggs might not be in any shape to be saved."

She noticed his frown and gently squeezed his hand. "Thank you for trying, Dr. Ramsey."

"We're not done yet." He stood up when Dr. Tanka walked inside. "We'll talk more later."

Once everything was settled for her surgery in the morning, her bodyguard returned and kept vigil by her bedside.

"Felix," Elisse smiled softly at the middle aged man. "You should go to the hotel and rest."

"I'm fine m'lady." He grumbled.

Her eyebrow lifted at the six foot seven man. "That chair has to be uncomfortable."

A flicker of humor flashed in his eyes. "I've had better and worse, m'lady."

She began to laugh. "I can't imagine anything being worse than that."

"You haven't been on some of the queen's missions." He smiled warmly at her.

Elisse reached for his hand. "Thank you for watching over me."

He gently patted it, becoming gruff with his words that a lady didn't have to thank him for doing his job.

She smiled, taking comfort in his admonishment. Felix had tried to keep a professional distance from her, yet her sadness had him stepping in more and more to offer what comfort he could. He thought of her as a little sister and couldn't help but smile whenever she teased him as if he was family.

Such fondness for her added to the devotion and care he would have normally never given any other noble he was assigned to.

But Elisse was special. He hoped that somehow she would find a piece of happiness that could be all her own.

****************

New York, Statue of Liberty...

Riley swallowed nervously. She didn't know how she could refuse Liam, but it was no use.

After spending so much time with Drake while Liam kept up appearances with Madeleine, she had fallen out of love for Cordonia's new king. The grumpy commoner had touched her heart with his stories of not belonging. She had felt the same way while enduring every snub and insult from Madeleine and some of the other ladies at court.

With so little opportunities to be with Liam, and with feeling a bit hurt that her Prince Charming had not defended her against the allegations, she convinced herself that she had no choice. She had to be with the man that had stood by her side as she tried to locate Tariq.

"Liam, I can't marry you." Her words somehow came out steady. "I came to Cordonia for you, but I fell in love with Drake."

Liam took a step back. "What? You and Drake..."

He couldn't believe it. How had this happened without him noticing? He knew that Drake was fond of her and took her out some evenings. But love?

"Liam?" Riley was growing more nervous by his silence.

Liam couldn't think of what to say.

What should I do?

He only knew he wasn't ready to lose her from his life.

"You...you intend to live in Cordonia?"

She slowly nodded. "If that's okay. I want to see where things go with Drake."

Her words were another bitter slash to his heart.

"Of course." He slid his hands in his pockets to keep from grasping her and forcing her to take her words back. "Just because you don't feel as I do, I would never hold that against you. Cordonia is your home."

She visibly relaxed. "Thank you Liam."

"I think," he focused on her, "I think you will be a benefit to Cordonia. I'm going to make you a duchess."

"A duchess?!" She gasped. "But..."

He knew this would keep her at hand. Give him a reason to see her without appearing as the desperate, rejected suitor. Perhaps now that the scandal was over and things calmed down, she might realize that what she thought was love for Drake was nothing more than gratefulness for his assistance.

Am I wrong for hoping this? Should I instead hope their love is true?

Liam forced a smile. "I arranged for us to go to the top." He motioned toward the statue. "Would you still like to?"

Riley returned his smile. "I really can't pass up an opportunity like that, can I?"

"I hoped you wouldn't." He replied.

He followed behind her, wishing this night had ended differently.

***************

Another five months later, Cordonia...

"Anton and his minions are in chains!" Riley held her glass high as the court cheered.

Liam tugged at the stiff collar of his jacket. It had been a day filled with emotions that he could not share with a single soul. Seeing the woman he thought he loved marry his best friend had cut deep. Discovering they had been kidnapped had caused both anger and worry as he rushed to face down the man who dared to take the throne from him.

Witnessing Riley and Drake fight side by side, each trying to protect the other had been eye opening. Neither cared about anything other than keeping the one they loved safe.

He couldn't begrudge their happiness. Nor could he continue to wish that circumstances had gone differently. Riley was not meant for him after all.

He knew he would have to let the past go and somehow find a way to move forward into the future.

******************

A month later, Monterisso Royal Palace...

"King Liam chose an heir!" Amalas exclaimed when Elisse walked into the main hall.

"He chose one? That is shocking." Elisse leaned forward to see the report that just came in. "Who's the lucky child?"

"That's just it." Amalas dropped the paper. "He has named the yet to be conceived child of the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria as his heir."

Elisse's brow furrowed. "But, he might still marry. His own children should be next in line."

"He says differently." Amalas pulled up his news conference for her cousin to watch.

"This seems wrong." Elisse mumbled. " I know those two are his closest friends--"

"And they are Guardian and Champion of the Realm." Amalas reminded her with an eye roll. "That's what he has had to use to get the people on board with his decision."

"Poor Liam." Elisse couldn't help but sympathize with the king. "He's being pressured on all sides for something he can't completely control."

"I think I might pay a visit." Amalas tapped her finger against her chin. "Perhaps see if the new duke and duchess are amenable to a possible alliance."

"It couldn't hurt." Elisse added.

"Indeed." The Queen smiled warmly at her. "I want you to come along. It has been too long since you and I went on a trip. I could use your ability to read people while I guide them toward a possible arranged marriage for their child and mine."

"I suppose I have to do as my queen commands." Elisse teased. "And I've yet to ever say no to my cousin."

"Doubly lucky for me." Amalas smirked.

"When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow."

[maisstories]

I must say I love it when life just kicks you in the face.

I’ve felt I should give you guys an explanation about what has been going on in my life to justify my delays for a while and, after what happened today, I definitely want to say it. I won’t lie; part of it is me selfishly wanting to get it out of my system.

So, drama under the cut.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a disabled person. This is not the most important factor in the story, but I feel it’s the linchpin that’s allowed things to reach the current situation.

I’ve always been an oddball. I’m not saying this as some form of self-deprecation, but a fact. I am disabled, but my eyes can’t remain properly focused for long, which I’ve been informed is creepy; I have trouble reading body language and understanding certain tones of voice (I had to figure out and teach myself sarcasm when I was 12 because I just didn’t get it); I am above average in intelligence, raised by parents who believe knowledge is important and somehow relevant in defining a person’s values; I am a nerd, was a nerd in a time before manga and other such things began to leak into mainstream; I am an introvert, and generally speak in a low voice unless I am very comfortable with the people I’m with; I am also exceedingly enthusiastic when dealing with a topic I am passionate about, to the point of being obnoxious and not knowing when to shut up.

All of the above, combined, meant it was very difficult for me to make friends, and when I did, it also meant I was easy to dislike by anyone new and would miss the signs that things were amiss until it was too late. Due to a series of circumstances that are irrelevant now, by the time I was 19, I had one single friend, no prospects of a future, and was struggling with university because putting that much effort into something you see no point in is frankly difficult. I veered into suicidal ideation a few times out of sheer apathy.

This situation, sans the depression, was something my mother latched onto. She’s a very controlling person, an alcoholic (which she refuses to admit to because she doesn’t do hard drinks, but what else do you call a person who downs three beers on a normal morning and has no trouble drinking an entire bottle of wine the same day while she’s in treatment for heart and blood pressure conditions?), and sadly we have enough in common (like a love of history and cynicism) that she could project onto me easily. She always accepted my brother would one day leave the nest, so to speak, but my lack of any significant relationships meant she could convince herself I would always stay home with her. For years, this belief increased while I sank into a deeper depression. She kept making plans and more plans about things we’d do together once she retired, and I didn’t bother to contradict her because there was nothing else for me. I got to the point of thinking I’d hold on while my parents lived and then just... Well, the idea was to spend whatever money they left me on as long a trip as possible, then down all the meds left in the house.

Then I met Kari, my girlfriend, and we became friends. And I know this will sound cliché as hell, but I slowly started wanting things. Wanting a life, making plans for the future, and generally started to look forward to things. My mother, who is a very observant person, figured out I must’ve met someone. At first she liked the idea, thinking she’d integrate Kari into the fold and I’d have someone to “take care of me” when she was gone. That’s something neither of us would stand for, and my mother started to figure it out. My stress levels skyrocketed shortly after my mother discovered I was in a relationship, because she kept going on and on about all the many ways she could help Kari come over to Spain (she’s from the U.S.) and make room for her at home, help her get started here... because she’s such a great and loving mother. But I couldn’t shut out the caveats I know come with such offers (staying at the family home, letting my mother make all the important decisions for us) and I decided evasion was the best tactic, because I knew no one at home would back me up if I confronted her (I learned this from experience: she rules, she controls everything, and we have to bow our heads and obey).

Things have been growing steadily worse since we were quarantined back in March, and this summer has been positively hellish.

Today she decided she wouldn’t settle for me trying to change the topic, and blew up at me, angry that I keep refusing to accept her offers when “all I ask in exchange is love”. She decided I must not love her, am selfish and my wanting to live up north means I want to flee from her (when I want to move because the climate here is too hot and kills me, and Kari isn’t fond of hot climates either so we’re in agreement), and clearly I intend to take advantage of her and then cut all ties with the family.

So she told me that if I won’t accept her “love” then she wants me out of the house by next August. She gave me August as the deadline because that’s when Kari’s rent contract expires, and also because, I’m pretty sure, she wants me to fret, panic, fail at finding an alternative, and then go back to her begging for her help.

I am looking into alternatives, but there is a problem. Well, several.

To start with, I have never worked before. Why? Because having a disabled daughter living with them gives my parents tax benefits and a bit of extra monthly income, which they’ll lose the moment I start working. So they’ve always discouraged me from finding a job “until I can get something definitive”.

I don’t have a bank account, which is necessary in Spain for pretty much anything, because in this house we’re not allowed to have a bank account that isn’t hers as well.

She has all my legal documents save for my ID. I’ve gotten my hands on a few copies over the years, but she keeps all the originals and everything from my passport to my health insurance card.

I was barely allowed to go out on my own before COVID, but now it’s much worse, because she’s gotten authorization to work from home.

I’m not even allowed into the doctor’s office without one of my parents there with me. That’s never been outright stated, but the few times I’ve tried to keep her out, I’ve been subjected to some extremely aggressive guilt-tripping.

So, all in all, life sucks right now. I’m not giving in to her demands, and am looking into everything I can to find a way out of this that doesn’t turn me into a virtual prisoner. This includes doing my best to write as much as I can, because the only thing my mother doesn’t have control over is my PayPal account and so Patreon is the only way I can make some money right now. Still, I don’t know how my mood and energy levels will be over the next few months, nor how often things will go wrong. So I can’t say how constant I will be. I’ll do my best, though.

That’s it. I’m done ranting. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

[sniperduel]

I still have conflicted feelings about Byleth. i’m trying hard to separate my assumptions from what the game actually gives us. I think fe3h could’ve benefited from giving byleth more lines even if they were more unvoiced single-option choices, just to flesh out Byleth and give them more interaction with characters in the main story that aren’t just “i dont understand” or “joke” or “yes i agree”. The game tries to balance having a self-insert combined with actual character and it just falls a little short. 

Sorry long post below i wanted to talk about byleth thanks

I think there’s a lot in Byleth that is interesting. Byleth is emotionally stunted, and socially sheltered from the larger Fodlan culture by Jeralt. Everything that has been done to Byleth in an effort to protect them, but by people with selfish intentions. Jeralt is highly protective of Byleth due to his own issues (and for some good reasons), and Rhea is still attempting to connect with Sothis somehow through Byleth (even though she claims she did it for Sitri); honestly, Sitri is one of the only people that ever did anything selfless for Byleth and the only time Byleth has any meaningful interaction with their mother is in a traumatizing AU moment where their mother’s deceased body is combined with some cuckold backstabber into a monster. I think that Sothis also is rather selfless in her actions with Byleth.... but i think that is just Sothis’s nature and bc she technically part of Byleth...

Byleth’s supports with Hanneman bring another element to Byleth’s relationship with themselves. From the potential “I’m a demon” line to Sothis to Hanneman commenting on their Ashen Demon moniker and Byleth’s visible discontent. Byleth does appear to dislike those things being said about them regardless of player intention; Byleth has a complicated relationship with their humanity. Their whole life is honestly traumatizing and probably further enforced their tendency to not have emotions, or mask them when they did appear. Byleth has somehow been abused by the social systems and Church of Fodlan, but also remains a sort of outsider. There needed to be more opportunities for Byleth to voice their thoughts in actual events, rather than just implied interactions during class or teatime. Their support chains are better (because characters need responses in order to have a conversation) but not by much. Byleth has such a complicated relationship to Fodlan outside of being an avatar for the player, and I think its far more interesting than doubling down on the self insert aspects.

It’s so easy for me to imagine Byleth’s growing discontent and overall humanity as they are forced into increasingly concerning situations. As White Clouds progresses, Byleth is forced to learn a lot of information and interact with many, many new people. While Byleth definitely does not talk much, it is so obvious that they grow and do make decisions based upon their newfound emotional capacity (agreeing to help students in paralogues, being concerned about student’s health/resting habits, deciding to protect or execute Edelgard, etc.)

Although, this just brings me back to wishing that Byleth was voiced. Byleth would have been a much more relatable character had they been able to just speak like Robin or Corrin. I understand they were trying to go the LoZ Link route here but I just think it is to the detriment of Byleth, who is so SO close to being a fully realized character. A character that could still be shaped by the player. While Link’s dialogue choices in BoTW are kinda.... false choices... Byleth’s choices matter a lot more because FE3H is about personal connections and growth (which is a theme that has only been growing stronger in the series, and its hindered by how Byleth’s character was handled). 

I also think it would make Crimson Flower a more effective route for the people who don’t like it. I don’t like when people see it just a shoehorned Edeleth romance because while the route does focus on Edelgard’s relationship with Byleth, it also is the only route that allows Byleth’s character to grow further WITH agency. There is a reason that Byleth’s heart beats at the end of Crimson Flower. Crimson Flower is a good base for Byleth to go through their own traumas and to forge their own path like Jeralt and Sothis implore them to do. It’s actually a big reason why i think Edeleth is a well recieved ship, despite Byleth’s apparent lack of character to some people. Byleth does gain more personal motivation rather than obligation in Crimson Flower by siding with Edelgard (influenced by Jeralt’s distrust of the church, Byleth’s connection with the black eagles). Edelgard always establishes Byleth’s autonomy by asking if Byleth wishes to continue following her. Imagine if Byleth would talk more in CF, because they become more of their own person, rather than just an amalgamation of those who influence them. I think that would be such an interesting mechanic to really drive home the Byleth character arc. 

I love those moments where Byleth’s personality shines through and I wish there was more.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi again, sorry to bother you.

I submitted this post because I have a few questions (I was typed ISFP 9w1).

I have doubts about Fi-Te.

▪Fe/Fi :

I mean, When I read Fi and Fe descriptions, I relate to low Fe better. I need your view on that.

I relate to the chamelion effect that is often associated with Fe.

Unlike Fi-doms who behave the same everywhere, my behavior changes from group/person to group/person, and the group dynamic and atmosphere indirectly affects me and my performance. <- 9 does this, also 3 fixers do this.

I’m usually reserved when alone, but with energetic people/groups I become more energetic, smile more and check myself less and get comfortable. While if I go into serious or cold groups, I become like that. And If I get uncomfortable vibes from a group, I may get uncomfortable as well, or I might think my presence is not desired or not important, so I try to minimize my interaction with that group. I try not to force myself upon people even though  feeling excluded seriously bothers me. <-- mirroring the group this much again, suggests 9 (and 3?); you are deliberately avoiding conflict through changing to fit the group.

It’s like I have no specific personality or characteristics. I explain my personality with doubt but try to include all functions. I envy people who maintain the same personality and energy-level with everyone or stand up and rebel against things they don’t agree with even when they’re alone. <-- 963 or 936 tritype confirmed

On the other hand, I try to maintain the group harmony and not bother others even when I internally have problem with something or don’t agree with them. I don’t rebel against the majority unless I have no other choice. <- 9 core

I assume being liked or appreciated by others matters to me a lot. As a kid and teen, I acted on this need (indirectly) by getting good grades or doing my homework and being nice to teachers. I wasn’t aware of it much. As I grew up, I became more dependent on other people, their vibe, their motivation or inner thoughts and their views. I miss my teen years because of that. <- numbing out and ignoring things as a teen? again, 9

I am not social expert. I suck at manipulating others or changing the group dynamics. I can’t “MAKE” people think/do something. I can’t stand my ground really well. I don’t even know how to comfort people. <- sounds like Fi-dom, not Fe

My view on good or bad is also relative. I can say pros & cons for things and I rarely view something as pure good or pure bad (It happens but it’s rare).<- Fi-dom has more nuance, is willing to give more benefit of the doubt, and is not as quick to judge people as Fe, since... well, Fi is subjective, ruminating, and inward based.

I also have problem defining when I “should” hold my ground and when I should stay back and keep quiet. <- lack of boundary awareness, a 9 issue

I dislike selfish people who boss others, don’t do their share of work in the group or disturb the group harmony by bringing negativity or drama. <- personal assertion of an ethical preference + 9 hatred of drama and negativity

Unlike Fi-dom stereotypes, I try my best to avoid feelings or emotion. So I try my best not to bother others to avoid potentially nasty confrontations. Every type of feeling is toxic and unhealthy to me. I’d rather deal with data, impersonal facts and professional relations than complicated people, drama or feelings. I’d rather be around impersonal, just, uncomplicated and direct people. <- 9 to the max; let’s not be unpleasant, let’s not let in anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, let’s suppress and ignore feelings as much as possible, let’s not hang out with annoying or troublesome people... this is not Fe, this is a 9 refusing to engage with anything that makes them uncomfortable

Fe-like grips for me happen during three situations. a)Failure or being hopeless about major future goals (which I try to avoid), b)Loss of loved ones or being away from them for a long time, c)Feeling excluded or being in a toxic/complecated/dramatic/unjust environment <- the first sounds like inferior Te frustration

Being in grip makes me sensitive, hopeless and paranoid of other peopl’s intentions. I then wish I could have more social skills and more connections/friends. <- Fe envy + 6ish disintegration

In general, I’m not an F expert and try to avoid that realm. But every once in a while, I wish I had more social skills, could open up to people and be cool around them. <- Fi-dom seriousness and detachment from others

________________________________________

▪S/N:

I agree with Se and Ni over their counterparts. I would be witty/argumentative and also more flexible if I had Ne.

But I still have trouble relating to Se, at least the stereotypes.

Sure, I wish I had more action, excitement and novelty in my life, and I might act on it some day (after reaching my professional goals), and I’m a visual/tactile learner and get bored by small details or impractical theories.

But still, I get uncomfortable dealing with the sensory (and social) realm for a long time and get sensory overload. I sometimes have trouble staying in the moment. Not to mention, I’m physically lazy and need someone more willful and energetic to initiate activities at first. And I’m somewhat of a homebody at the moment and bad which makes me relate to Se-aux even less.

Even my interests differ from stereotypical SP ones and look similar to Intuitive interests. I have little interest in watching team sports or car/F1 races on TV. I much prefer to learn about scientific facts, space, other cultures, different countries and their food/drinks and architecture, languages and different philosophical and psychological views and self-help stuffs. I often google things like that.

I do relate to Ni, as I have my goals/plans and, care about them and try to reach them (and would freak out if I couldn’t which means I lack flexibility about them).

Also, last minute changes of plans, or being kept in the dark about future or a project really bothers me. But I agree with you that having a cynical Ni might mean its position is not dom. Also, I’m not good at things like chess (find it boring), decision-making or guessing test questions (stereotypical Ni stuffs)

Based on the new info I added, Am I still Se-Ni?

... those are a lot of negative stereotypes about ISPs. An SP can sit at home on their butt and watch television all day long and never do anything creative with their hands, it does not disqualify them from being Se. An SP can be an avid reader and love learning about all kinds of things, it does not make them an intuitive. An ISP prefers to have a general idea of what they want and think before they act, it doesn’t make them an INJ. Basically, none of what you said disqualifies you from being an ISFP. I would look at Ne vs Se if you are still not sure, but I’m still seeing IFP 9.

________________________________________

▪T :

I do brainstorm things and read between the lines in my head. But I have little interest in sharing them with people or debating with people. Maybe I don’t debate much because of shyness. I also need time processing and analyzing the things being said, so I rarely challenge someone. <-- introvert, not a thinker tendency; high Ti knows what’s irrational without needing to process it, and will react accordingly by pointing out the illogical statement.

I’m more cynical than positive. If I doubt the truth of something or an statement or a program, I analyze and research about it if needed. I sometimes I argue with my family members or debate about social stuffs, taboo stuffs or some other stuffs. specially when I think what they think/believe is irrational. But I rarely target them directly or attack them about it, unless I know they’re thick-skinned and don’t make a big deal out of it. Also, I dislike it when people change a friendly debate into aggressive personal attacks. <- 9 avoidance of conflict / confrontation

When debating with my family, I use a mixture of facts and brainstorming results as debating tools. But In general I trust proven facts more than personal analysis and specially at school, I used to dislike too much theory, analysis and details. <- proven facts = Te, hatred of theory = Se/Ni

What makes me doubt being a thinker (or even a F-dom)? The fact that I rely on other people to describe myself and my self-worth. And the fact that A toxic atmosphere or exclusion can have impact on my mental health and performance. Also, my shyness and lack of assertiveness in social stuffs and being conflict-averse and fearing confrontations.

I think ISFP 9 is correct. Most of what you describe, as you’ve seen is simply being a 9, and you don’t have the kind of strong knowledge of Te/Ti that an ISTP or TJ would have.

[skyeofloxlay]

Personality / Brief history / important things about MC / Reader for my fanfics or when I make requests.

Okay, I decided to do this more for myself when I make a request to someone, but this is also useful to let you know a little more about the MC / "reader" of my fanfics.

The MC is a cis-woman of almost 1.60cm in height, (age may vary) but generally the age will be between 20 and 23. She is heterosexual/straight (I don't know if there is a difference between the two things, but I don't understand why I would have two words for the same thing) and usually in fanfics she has never had a boyfriend before the character she will be together with (be it Jake (Duskwood), Jason (Todd), Spencer (Reid) or any other character). 

She was born in Brazil and lived a large part of her life there, and depending on what story she is in, she makes an interchange trip abroad because of college, and because of that she lives far from her family and lives alone, but she has her faithful companion, a male Schnauzer dog (his name in fanfics is undetermined.)

MC has always been a lonely person, because after several events in the past she does not trust people easily, and the only people she does trust are her family, but she still has trouble talking about her problems to them.

Furthermore, MC is a very shy, introverted, anti-social person and suffers from social phobia, which of course, is a perfect combo to be an alien in society and not be able to make friends, even if she wants to.

MC also doesn't know where it all started from, but she does know that she has probably suffered from anxiety for many, many years, even though she only discovered it a short time ago, and went to get help even less time ago.

Because of anxiety, she ends up being stuck in her own world, or I should call it, hell itself. Her mind is a mess, bad, unreal and meaningless thoughts invade her mind all the time, and because she has been this way for so long without help and not knowing what to do, her situation has worsened to the point where her anxiety starts to change into a depressive anxiety.

However, as much as she has been suffering with her own mind for years, she can always count on her family whenever she needs them, even if they are distant from each other, they are inseparable. 

Her father, as much as he doesn't understand most of the things she goes through, supports her and wants the best for MC, and so he does what he can to help MC pay for psychological treatment, and even though he doesn't understand, he always makes her smile and laugh, even when the situations are bad, even though he was always busy because of work, he always did what he could to be together, even in the simplest things, like family lunch, playing video games, watching movies, shopping together.

Her mother, on the other hand, has been through similar things like MC, and always try to help her the way she can, always speaking encouraging words, helping MC to do her things when she couldn't, sleeping next to the MC when she couldn't sleep because of anxiety, always being by her side, always supporting any decision, no matter the situation, MC's mom will always be there to hear her, either to hear about something that MC wants to do a lot or when she has some fear. 

And there is also her younger brother (3 years younger), as much as they ended up arguing for silly things, he is her best friend, maybe her only true friend, always having fun together doing what they like, protecting each other, always being one for another, even when it was not known which words were right to say.

MC is blessed to have such an amazing family, and as much as she couldn't say "I love you, you are everything to me" to them, she loved them with all her heart and soul, and she couldn't say what would happen to her if she lost them, but probably something really bad would happen.

As much as it seemed that MC doesn't care about other people, maybe looking selfish and boring to others, she cares a lot about others, but she knows that this is also one of the big reasons why she suffers from anxiety, caring for others more than for herself, and for her own mental health, she had to try not to think so much about the problems of the world that she cannot solve. 

Some people may think that she was wrong in doing this, but she wanted to have some sanity, even if little and trying to recover, than to go crazy with things that are impossible to fix, at least impossible for her to fix.

(Some other things about MC, but now simpler, because I'm out of time and too lazy, help me)

- Very distracted

- Very clumsy

- Nerd

- Dreamer / lost in her own world

- Impulsive

- Impatient

- Think too much about everything

- Studious

- Lonely

- Forgotten

- Problems with deadlines, do everything at the last minute.

- Avoid fights / arguments with people she doesn't know, but if it's someone close and it's a silly fight, she'll defend that she's right until the end, if she's wrong in the fight, she'll just be quiet for a while. If it is a serious fight, she will argue for some time until the tears stop her from continuing, and then she will be silent for a long time.

- Too stubborn

- Sarcastic with the closest people

- Always try to look for the good in people, but it is impossible for her to achieve kindness in certain people.

- Pessimistic

- Very sensitive / hurts / cries easily

- Perfectionist

- Very insecure

- She cannot express in words what she feels for other people

Likes:

Chocolate

Coffee

Rainy days

Winter

Music (Mainly, pop and  rock)

To drive

Flowers

Taking pictures (mainly of landscapes)

Animals

Old things, like things related to the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s, or things from centuries ago

History

Books

Learn things

Horror stuff (games, books, movies)

Mystery

Horseback riding

Nature

Farms

See the city lights at night

Night

Games (both video games and board / cards)

Comics, Movies, Series etc about Superheroes

Mexican food

Travel

Psychology / Understanding the human mind

Buy drawing materials and books (even though she will never use / read them)

Big clothes

Wind

Ride a bike

Explore Abandoned Places

Dislikes:

Summer

Hot days

Insects

Spiders

Her mind

Who annoy her

People fighting

See things or people comment on things related to death or illness

Having to be patient

Who speak ill of her family

Working in a group

That people belittle her feelings

Parties

People

Delays

Alcoholic beverages

Buy clothes

Make up

High heels

Short dresses

Physics

Fears / Phobias / Things that bother her:

Spiders

Falling / High height

To drown

Die

Getting seriously ill

Dark / Night

To sleep

People

Speak in public

Losing her family

Stay alone

Crowds

Closed places

Tight clothes (Because she feels they are suffocating her)

Arrive late

Forget things

Having a car accident

Never be loved / Stop being loved

Future

May her fears come true

Skills:

- To draw

- Write

- Cook

- Game programming 

- Sing

- Play keyboard and guitar

- To compose

- To dance

Hobbies:

Basically, it's her skills + reading + playing video games + taking pictures of the landscape.

Job:

Usually she either works as a waitress in a coffee shop or works in a supermarket (working at the checkout or replacing products on shelves)

As much as many find it strange, MC is very happy in her work, and does not mind working in "simple" jobs (basically jobs that earn little), and as much as she doesn't have much money, just enough to live reasonably well, she is happy with what she has and doesn't care about the money.

College: 

She studies digital game design

I think that's it, there are some other things that I only do when I'm writing specific situations, for example, MC's opinions on certain subjects, and honestly I don't have time at the moment to make the MC's different opinions, and just say that she tries to be as neutral as she can, because she knows that extremes are never good, and that when asked which side she is in a situation (depending on what it is, but usually she says), she says doesn't have a side because it doesn’t identify herself by either side, because both are extreme, and this usually leads people to think that it’s on the fence, but it’s not like that, it’s more or less. "You were teleported to a place, there are two paths, one on the right and the other on the left, at the beginning of each of these paths there is a person, each talking about their paths and talking about why their path is the best of than the other and why you should follow their path. And then you must make a choice of which path to follow " But MC does not agree with either side, and will not wait there to see which side gives her the best benefit as many would do, she goes there and moves on, where there is no path, where there is no one, because she doesn't want to be on anyone's side, she wants to make her own opinions, and not follow what a group is saying. 

Oh, and one of the philosophies she follows is of yin and yang, which says something like "There is good and there is evil, both need each other to exist, there is no good without evil, and no there is evil without good, and that nothing can be completely good or evil, since, however small, there is evil in good, and there is good in evil. "

Some phrases she would say:

"You can say anything about me, but don't come and talk about my family"

"I can't always do it, but I always try to be balanced, because I know that nothing comes out of extremism, no matter which side."

"I'm a Christian, I may not have proofs but I believe in God, but I don't believe everything in the Bible because it was made by humans, and I know that many of them used and still use people's faith to do very bad things . "

"Sorry, but I suck at remembering names, in fact, I suck at remembering."

"Shit, I knew I was forgetting something."

"I hate logic, most of these things don't make any sense!"

"At least I have you with me here DN" (DN = dog name)

"There is nothing that is not so bad that it cannot get worse"

"I think I celebrated too soon"

"I sleep! But no matter what I do, I will be forever sleepy!"

"No matter what I do, my thoughts disturb me from the moment I wake up until bedtime, and even while I'm asleep. And it happens every day."

"Sometimes ... I think ... people would be better off if I didn't exist. I just hinder and hurt people." 

"I don't know when or how it started, I just know that I have been scared forever"

"I don't do it because I want to! It's not my fault if I'm easily distracted"

"I think writing is the only way to say what I feel"

"Yes, I know, I'm crazy, you don't have to tell me that"

"I'm not a normal person. Maybe I'm not even a human? What if I'm an alien and I don't know? A synthetic human? A robot with high artificial intelligence that is identical to that of humans?"

"I don't like to be afraid, but I love to see and read horror stuff."

"I love old things, they are so fascinating"

"What day is it today?"

"I just wanted to have a little courage that other people have"

"I have no hope of anything, as always, every time I had hope, very bad things happened, close people and pets died when I had hope that they would survive. For me, hope has long since died."

"I think, in a way, I am a miracle, just like my brother. I mean, it was almost impossible for my mom to have a baby, and look, here I am."

"I'm not cute!"

"I'm not short, I'm average height, it's the rest of the people who are very tall"

(Maybe I wrote a lot? Did I overdo it?)

Sorry if there is something confusing or errors in English 

[wxldchxld]

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy? 

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?   

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits,  interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?  

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much? 

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?

Harper is pretty neurotypical. She does have some childhood trauma relating to her father leaving and her relationship with her mother. Her mom was an active service member and this led to a lot of instability in her childhood.

See Harper's mom and her grandmother weren't on great speaking terms. Her mother never told her father about the pregnancy, and that caused a rift between them before Harper was even born. Her mother also struggled with alcoholism when Harper was younger and while Harper was never abused, her mom did make some very poor decisions and her grandmother wasn't always sympathetic, usually blaming her mom for her bad choices with money, and then getting even angrier when her mom wouldn't accept help even as they were on the verge of financial collapse. This lead to her grandmother calling DHR and some very messy fights that Harper heard.

Harper didn't walk away from her experiences with poverty and family drama unscathed. Her mom did eventually go to rehab, and her grandmother did eventually try to make amends with her before she passed.

This isn't even touching on Harper's attempt to reunite with her father and his rejection of her or her mother's rejection when she came out to her as a lesbian.

So Harper definitely needs therapy, but I don't have enough knowledge to put the name of a specific diagnosis on her other than childhood trauma.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?

I think she would describe it as pretty average. Not necessarily pleasant all the time, but she figures everyone walks away from their childhood with some kind of problem. She is ok with talking about it, but she isn't really ok with reflecting on it for what it is. Normally when she talks about it she's very detached and purposefully cold.

I think the question about maturity is---not great? Like I could say Harper had to grow up fast and learn to do things on her own because of all the alone time she had---but that's not maturing. Even as an adult, Harper doesn't have a lot of emotional intelligence.

Beck had a lot of alone time as a kid and she has her own issues with trauma, but I do feel like her years in the wild, having her freedom and her happiness, gave her a lot of time to reflect and to grow up emotionally and to kind of decide how she at least wants to try to act.

This is in pure contrast to Harper. Harper's alone time as a kid didn't do anything but cause her more pain. Harper may not love how her mother acts, but it is one of her only models of behavior. She gained the veneer of maturity that comes with learning to suppress your feelings and get your shit done, but she had very little emotional intelligence. This is why she often resorts to yelling and mean comments when she's angry or hurt. And the fact that she essentially learned to never cry and to combat her vulnerability with anger and it helped her get where she is now in life did not help that.

All that being said no. Harper would not like to go back to being a child. She might want to go back to being a teen. At the time she had Beck, her first love, and she also had actual friends that appreciated her and liked her for who she was. That's not something she really gets anymore. Idk if it'd be enough to make her want to go back tho.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?

Harper is inclined to help when and if it gets her her way and given that the payoff is good enough. She's pretty self centered and apathetic to the general plight of humanity. In Marvel verses she lives in New York at the time of Loki and the most she'll ever say about the invasion was it was an irritating distraction that caused an inconvenient amount of damage to the roads.

She WILL help the people she cares about with no boundaries though. If someone she loves has a problem or a need she will attack it tirelessly and ruthlessly. If they're in danger there is no line she won't cross to protect them. But there are very, very, VERY few people Harper would do this for. And not to sound cliché but currently all of those people are ---- well it's actually just Beck lmao.

The reason she's like this could go back to her childhood and her experience losing her grandmother but I'm honestly not sure it's that deep? Harper is kind of selfish. She dislikes most people and distances herself from them in order to not feel guilty for her selfishness. It's not a great look, but that's the current state she's in for any verse you'll meet her in. Sure this does change in stories where she has time to grow, but never enough to make her a humanitarian.

Also no this doesn't really get her into trouble. She's pretty safe on top of the world.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them?

Most people see Harper as a shrewd business woman and or a downright bitch. I won't lie and say they're totally wrong, but there is a genuine person in there and her flaws are usually exaggerations of the things that are good about her mixed in with her trauma. So yes, they technically see who she really is, but they lack the context to understand her fully. And she both allows and encourages this misunderstanding because it's advantageous to her. It helps her maintain control in the business world but also in the magical one. She employs and is followed by a lot of incredibly dangerous supernatural beings. Literal thousands of vampires, witches, and werewolves do as she bids and submit to her lead in large part because they respect her power. So she kind of has to let people think she's a bitch, but honestly she kind of likes it too. She has taken the label with pride.

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits,  interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it?

She's a necromancer so... Like that's pretty weird right? Specifically her research is focused on creating the perfect vampire in hopes of one day turning herself into a vampire without losing any of her magical abilities or having to be vulnerable to "silly" things like sunlight and garlic.

She also really really likes snakes and reptiles in general.

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?

I think Harper genuinely tries to eat healthy. She doesn't have any like sensory issues with food and while she isn't immune to worrying about weight, also doesn't obsess over it. I mean she doesn't have to because she spends so much time and energy on working she probably couldn't gain a pound if she ate a literal weight. Magic can be very draining, and she very often gets so focused she doesn't eat for hours. Then she feels sick and doesn't want to eat anything and she sure as fuck isn't about to cook.

This was one of the great ways that she and Beck fit together. Beck loved to cook and would drop by the office or the lab with snacks (so long as she didn't have to get near anything dead or nasty) and she always made enough dinner for two even when Harper said she wouldn't be home in time. And Beck eats pretty healthy (usually) so it worked well.

She does have a cook who makes meals for her. She usually takes them for lunch and if she remembers to will take a break and eat. Harper certainly doesn't cook. She thinks it is tedious and all too often has burned something because she was trying to multitask and forgot and nearly set the penthouse on fire.

Her favorite is when she gets the chance to eat with someone else that she likes. She absolutely adores French food and has a go-to place for meet ups.

[didanawisgi]

Opinion: Mandated Vaccinations — Who is responsible for their risks? 

by Heidi Wetzler

Clark County Today Administrator Heidi Wetzler shares her thoughts on the repercussions of COVID-19 vaccine mandates

“If I am mandated to receive a COVID-19 vaccine in order to keep my job, and subsequently experience an adverse event, who is responsible? Who is responsible if I have neurological complications, a heart attack, or a stroke and am never able to work again.  Who is responsible if I die?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve read that neither the vaccine companies, the government entities imposing the mandates, nor the employers themselves will be held responsible in any way if the worst happens. In fact, from what I’ve seen and read so far, it will take a Herculean effort to prove that my adverse reaction was caused by the vaccine. Correlation does not equal causation, they say. But when you are counted as a COVID-19 death, correlation ALWAYS equals causation.

Recently there was a lawsuit filed against the federal government accusing the government of covering up the fact that 45,000 people have died within the first three days of receiving a COVID-19 vaccine. There are over 13,000 deaths reported to VAERS (vaccine adverse event reporting system) on the CDC website. This number is widely believed to include only 1-10 percent of the actual deaths that have occurred. And then there are hundreds of thousands of transient to severe reactions reported to VAERS.  That being said, I can easily find article after article debunking the accuracy of these statistics.  Anyone can report anything in the VAERS system, they say, so obviously it is not going to be perfect. But it is the ONLY avenue people have to account for their experiences. A line item on a discounted reporting system is the ONLY recourse one has when they believe they’ve lost their loved one to this “safe and effective” vaccine.

If the validity of every single one of these adverse events is going to be questioned, then can someone please direct me to the “verified” information? Where can I find the non-refuted deaths, heart attacks, blood clots, and neurological problems that HAVE been associated with the vaccine?  You can’t expect the general public to believe there are zero. So where is the data? In my mind, for each doctor, government official, and layperson to claim that these vaccines are safe, the risk of death needs to be zero. The risk of an adverse event needs to be zero. If that is not the truth, then the truth needs to be spelled out in black and white. Where is it? Informed consent. Where is it?

I’ve heard the following argument for getting the vaccination a nauseating amount of times. The argument is that the deaths and risks from the vaccine pale in comparison to the deaths from COVID-19. If you knew ahead of time that you or your child were going to die from this vaccine would your heart be comforted by the fact that “so many more people died from the virus?” This debate is illogical on a personal level. This is a decision that should be based on each and every one of our own personal risk and benefit analyses. Speaking of children, in the 2017-2018 flu season 643 children died. To date, 332 children have died from COVID-19. Mass vaccinating children with an experimental product, who are at little-to-no risk of harm from this virus, is in my opinion, grossly negligent.

There is now compelling evidence that the vaccinated spread the virus with the same viral load as the unvaccinated. So what the heck does it matter if I get the vaccine or not, if it is not protecting the people around me at all. The argument that the vaccinated are protecting the unvaccinated is moot. Why are the same ineffective vaccines still being pushed? And now there is talk of boosters. Government contracts perhaps.

Another argument is that the unvaccinated are getting sick more often and taking up hospital bed space. I’ve heard the opposite as well. The truth is elusive. To this I say, 78 percent of those who have been hospitalized with COVID-19 are overweight or obese. As many as 95 percent of those who die are obese. So before we blame the unvaccinated for hogging up all of the hospital bed space, let’s first blame the obese. But that’s not appropriate to mention.  It’s much more acceptable to call those that are concerned about the side effects of the vaccine, selfish and deserving of death. Additionally, 80 percent of those that get COVID-19 have low Vitamin D levels in their body. How about we focus on this metric and see if we can drastically reduce the number of those that are becoming ill? But there’s no money to be made on Vitamin D.

I have watched countless videos, and read many more stories from health care professionals as well as individuals who believe these vaccines are causing grave harm. And this is only in the first year. Many more virologists, doctors and scientists purport that the majority of the deaths are still to come due to clotting, antibody dependent enhancement and a general weakening of the immune system. And the coming boosters will increase these risks. This information continues to be censored and suppressed. I’ve written in this space before about the global suppression of early treatment options and how 85 percent of those who have died from COVID-19, died needlessly without the aid of effective early treatment.

And why in the world are we not talking about natural immunity? Testing for natural immunity? Accepting it as an alternative to the vaccine? Natural immunity is robust and durable. They say “we don’t know how long it lasts.”  Well then I hope they are testing vigorously to find out. We already know the vaccine is failing before natural immunity. Conservatively, 100 million Americans have been exposed to this virus and are therefore immune. Those who had SARS-CoV-1 in 2002-2003 were still immune 17 years later, and those who survived the influenza pandemic of 1918 were still immune to the H1N1 outbreak in 2009-2010 a stunning 92 years later. Why is this conversation non existent? Especially when we are at a crossroads between those who are willing to get the vaccine and those who aren’t. My family has already had the virus and under normal circumstances, the medical community would agree that we are now most likely immune. For some reason natural immunity through infection is all of a sudden questioned.

You aren’t being forced to get the vaccine, they say. You just can’t have a job they say. Well if that’s not medical coercion, then please tell me what is. Most people need to make money to eat.

Lastly, there is the issue of variants. Variants of viruses with animal reservoirs such as COVID-19 will exist until the end of time. They will never go away. I’ve read that vaccinating during the height of a pandemic causes stronger variants. The virus has not had a chance to weaken, which normally takes 2-3 years. The vaccine is applying non lethal pressure to the virus, which is encouraging the creation of stronger variants. This could help to explain why we have a nation with a fairly high vaccination rate, dealing with a strong variant.

If my choice to not get vaccinated, ends up with me dying from COVID-19, then that has been my choice. That should remain my choice. No one needs to protect me from myself. In all honesty, I am terrified of the vaccine. Just as many are terrified of COVID-19. We need to demand the adverse event statistics they are gathering and refusing to release. This is a continuing trial period, so you know they are tracking everything and have copious data. People are hesitant because calling it completely safe is irresponsible and untrue. The suppression of known risks is nothing less than malfeasance from our government and medical professionals. We won’t know the gravity of this experiment for 10 years or more.

As long as 480,000 Americans die from tobacco-related illnesses each year, and we still have tobacco products on the store shelves, you will never convince me that the government cares about my health. Which is fine by me. That’s freedom. This is about power and control that they never want to relinquish and it will take every single one of our voices to overcome that.”

[erazonpo3]

Thinking a little bit about Best Girl Nuru and the way she’s often given the role of the Voice of Reason, aka the one with the brain cell, and I’ve spoken a bit about this with @bestworstcase where uh, we gotta remember that taking the only girl of the group, who is the second youngest, and making her the Mature one raises a lot of red flags. (The fact that she is Black is also something that should not be ignored because young Black girls are often treated as though they are older than they are, but rather than a white woman telling you this you can learn more about that through this article with links to said study). 

There’s simultaneously a lot and yet very little that can be inferred about her character given the small amount of original notes she has, and I could go for a more specific reading based on her circumstances but ultimately I’m gonna go for a more broad take of Responsible Characters And You: How to give them flaws that make them feel more like a real person rather than just The Straight Man. 

This is hardly an exhaustive list but I went with the biggest five points I could think of in order to expand on them, but the list can go on and grow more specific. 

Being the ‘Mom Friend’ at your own expense 

This one is probably the biggest one I associate with Nuru, and I think it’d hit particularly hard given her specific situation of being the only girl in the group and also the second-youngest. Let me tell you, straight from personal experience: being the Voice of Reason to a group of teenage boys is like trying to tell a wall to sprout legs and walk around. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just going to tire yourself out. My friends were smart, lovely people but I needed to learn that it wasn’t my job to protect them from themselves. 

It’s normal for a friend group to have ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the mom friend’, but that friend group shouldn’t rely on that person to be their only source of support, or expect them to constantly monitor their decisions. It’s unhealthy for all people involved. You need to be willing to let people make their own mistakes, and not hold it against them when they don’t take your advice. You need to see your friends as independent people who understand their own decisions, and although it can be tricky to balance being supportive while also not encouraging bad decisions, it’s important to figure out. 

The Mom Friend is also often someone who habitually offers emotional support and advice, but keeps their own issues bottled up. They could have more healthy outlets for their personal issues, like a therapist, but this kind of stereotype usually pops up in people who prefer to deal with other people’s problems in order to avoid dealing with their own. Either way, it’s important for this kind of emotional support to be a two-way street, and for friends to recognise that they shouldn’t be relying on just one person for all their help.

Healthy friend groups can navigate this by ensuring everyone can share what they’re struggling with, and by having everyone able to provide some amount of support, whether it’s advice or condolences or just listening; this way it doesn’t fall on just one person to be the therapist or the mom. 

‘Intellectually’ mature but Emotionally immature

So, let’s be straight up: ‘responsible’ kids are usually just kids who respect the authority figures/institutions in their lives, either because they thrive in academic environments or because they have a lot of anxiety about upsetting those figures (or any other reason), but it doesn’t actually say much about their maturity as a person. It’s very easy for a smart kid to fall into the idea that they’re responsible and mature because the adults around them trust them not to cause trouble, but at the same time they can be very behind peers their age in terms of emotional development. 

I’m doing a lot of generalising here to spare us a larger essay about the faults of the education system for both gifted and forgotten ‘troublemaking’ kids, but the idea is that your responsible kid might feel as thought they’re the pinnacle of maturity compared to some of their peers, while at the same time do things like hold petty grudges, give their friends ultimatums, make decisions out of spite and have a general lack of consideration for people they might otherwise care about. These are flaws anyone can have, but it’s a very good way to show that being the smart, responsible kid does not mean you have emotional maturity. 

Circling back to our example character Nuru, we could take her suspicion over Hugo as something she believes is insightful and cynical (mature), but the others see as a grudge and an inability to trust others’ judgement. 

Straight up Immature

Yeah, they’re mature for their age. But that doesn’t mean they’re not still young and inexperienced. Maybe they do have more emotional intelligence and social skills than their peers, but that doesn’t automatically spare them from being gullible, making uninformed decisions, and much worse: being preyed on by people who would take advantage of them.

That last one’s a pretty dark path to take and you’ve got to be ready to deal with that issue from top to bottom if you’re going to go that route, but otherwise the message behind this one is simple: Kids are Kids and they can enjoy juvenile things, where the novelty hasn’t worn off yet, and they can make mistakes simply because they haven’t ever made that mistake before in order to learn from it. 

If your character is under 18, or even if they’re over, they’re allowed to be uninformed and say or do things that hurt others because they don’t understand the implications, and they’re allowed to be a little obnoxious or uncritical of what’s going on around them. Kids be kids. 

Obsession and an inability to see the bigger picture

Following the earlier example, ‘reasonable’ characters are probably people who rely a lot on logical thought processes to make certain decisions. (Note that Logical  =/= Correct or even Sensible, it just needs to abide by whatever the person’s internal rulebook is). That kind of mindset can lead people down rabbitholes and lead to conclusions that only they see, because they’ve jumped through so many mental hoops to reach their destination that nobody else can see how they might have arrived there. 

The expression here is “Can’t see the forest through the trees”, where a person misses the bigger picture of the situation because they’re so deep in the details they can’t see what’s going on. You see it a lot with puzzles that are fairly straightforward that people try to overthink and search for clues because ‘it can’t be that obvious’ when it really is. Thinking twice about something isn’t bad, but sometimes a first impression is the right one too. 

I can definitely see this applying to Nuru, star-chart master, and particularly in conflict with Yong- she has a great eye for detail that often comes in handy! But sometimes keeping your eye on a single star will blind you to their constellations. (Also for a more advanced reading, as a Princess Nuru might be less likely to see institutional problems compared to someone like Hugo). 

Selfish and Privileged perspectives

Keep in mind that prioritising yourself and your own health doesn’t make you a bad person, and being selfish doesn’t mean you lack empathy- it’s just a character flaw that means you have to actively think about other people and how your actions/inaction might affect them. A lot of people, especially ones who are raised in privileged positions, aren’t used to factoring in other people when it comes to making decisions. It comes down to “how will X thing affect me?” and they go from there, without thinking about how X affects others. 

This can be paired with socio-economic privilege, in which people who enjoy the benefits of a particular social system don’t pay much attention to how it fails others, or perhaps they know and make excuses that relieve them of any guilt (or maybe they don’t really care at all, so long as they’re winning). The remedy to this is education, and learning from the people who are disadvantaged the way in which certain social systems fail them and ways in which they can be improved. It also means committing to those improvements, even if they may come at your expense. 

In regards to Nuru being a Princess, there’s definitely a lot to unpack. I imagine her kingdom isn’t very wealthy (relatively- they’re far from destitute), given that it spends all its money on rebuilding infrastructure and apparently doesn’t have the resources to send a bodyguard or even a LIW along with Nuru on her journey. Nonetheless I think her position of privilege is a good place to start if you want to give her some sweet flaws

a few more ideas I won’t expand much on

Jealousy (ties in with Emotional Immaturity)

Overly Risk-Averse (The man who sleeps with a hatchet is a fool every night but one, but his friends still think he’s a fool most nights. Ouch.)

Insecurity (Do they have doubts? Of course they do.) 

Overly Emotional (Not always a flaw, but can impact their judgement)

Just straight up bad with emotions (Maybe they have trouble empathising with others?)

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode