#but what's more annoying is the choices for which lines he and his mum speak English or Dutch

[queer-crusader]

I need to make a fucking bingo card for Dutch films and TV shows (would probably just make the viewing experience worse but. Honestly I'm already ticking off the bingo boxes in my head even without a real card)

[liiilyevans]

Life's a Witch

Summary: Ginny gets some bad news and goes to her sister-in-law for advice.

A/N: This was written for the @hp-12monthsofmagic challenge this month. I struggled with the prompt for a while, but then this came to me. So, buckle up for some good old fashioned angst.

Read on AO3 or FF.net

“Oh, Gin, I’m so sorry,” Harry said as he looked up from the letter. There were very few times in her life when Ginny wanted to slap her husband, but this was one of those times. His striking green eyes – the eyes that she’d fallen in love with – were filled with sympathy. If his hair hadn’t been up in a bun, Ginny was sure he’d have been running his hands through it. Instead, he settled for stroking his beard solemnly. Not like there was much to say, not really. 

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked, starting to slip around the island toward her. Ginny sidestepped and immediately regretted it. Hurt filled Harry’s eyes. “Maybe it’s just a fluke.” 

Ginny snorted. “Tell that to the Harpies.” Harry looked sweet in his sweatpants and loose tee, but Ginny didn’t want sweet right now. “I need some air. Will you watch the boys?” 

“Gin,” he whispered. 

“Please?” she said, slightly more rough than the first time. 

Harry blew out a breath. “Yeah, I’ll watch the boys.” 

With that, Ginny turned on her heel and marched outside. The air was brisk, but the sun was out. A nice day for October. She spun and landed in the bustling streets of Diagon Alley, the bright colors of her brother’s shop nearly blinding her. Not bothering with the annoyed looking women she’d almost run into, she opened the door and tried to adjust to the cacophony of noise. 

There was always laughter in George’s shop, mainly kids’ laughter, which Ginny thought was good for him. Then there were the small explosions by the fireworks section, a whole new line of WWW products that Ginny thought was long overdue. Of course, there were the parents complaining, but Ginny never understood why they’d bring their kids into a shop like this if they were going to complain about it. 

Finally, Ginny found her brother behind the counter. He was grinning down at a little kid who was rambling on about Canary Creams. His brown eyes were filled with laughter, and there was a grin on his face. Even now, Ginny was surprised at how bright it was. She suspected his wife and son had something to do with that. 

“I need to talk to you,” Ginny said, interrupting the seven-year-old. 

The kid’s mouth fell open as he stared at her. “You’re the famous Quidditch player.” 

Ginny ground her teeth. “No shit.” She pointed at George. “I need to speak to the owner.” 

The kid finally took the hint and scampered off, though he did cast a longing look over his shoulder. 

“Ginny Potter, scaring her young fans more than You-Know-Poo,” George quipped as he rested his hands on the counter. “What can I do for you?” 

“Where’s your fucking wife?” she asked, ignoring George’s attempt at small talk. 

Her brother reeled back slightly, his eyes narrowing. “What do you want with her?” Normally, George was the first person to back Ginny up – one of her loudest supporters – even when she was wrong. The reverse was also true; she’d yelled at her mum for berating George even when he’d been plastered and ruining their family dinner. It was a closeness that had developed and strengthened after Fred passed. The only person who could change that was Angelina. George had always been defensive of her, perhaps because their mother was always too protective of them. 

Normally, Ginny would admire that. Today, it just furthered her annoyance. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she said, narrowing her eyes and leaning across the counter toward him. “Where is she?” 

George made the wise choice to lean away from her. Then he turned and, Ginny assumed, went to find Angelina. Her annoyance continued to build as tapped her foot. A few people turned to look at her, and she wished she had thrown on a better outfit. When she’d woken up, she’d just thrown on some sweats and an old Harpies shirt that was stretched out around the collar. 

Angelina appeared walking around the corner, George just behind her. Ginny’s sister-in-law always looked fabulous. Today was no exception. She was sporting a pair of tight jeans and an AC/DC shirt matched with a pair of black boots. Her braids were pulled up into a top knot that Ginny wished she could pull off. 

“Hey,” Angelina said when she reached her. “What’s up?” 

Ginny glanced over at her hovering brother. “Let’s take a walk.” 

She didn’t bother to see if Angelina followed her as she turned on her heel and headed for the door of the shop. When she walked through the door and headed toward the Leaky Cauldron, Angelina fell into step beside her. 

“So, how’s life?” Angelina said. 

That wasn’t what she meant Ginny knew. Angelina used small talk as a way to get at the deeper issues; it was all in her tone. It was also one of the reasons Ginny liked her so much.

“Fine,” she answered briskly. “Got a question for you.” 

Angelina stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Sure.” 

Ginny stopped in front of the Leaky Caldron and faced Angelina. “What was it like when they told you couldn’t play Quidditch anymore?”

Angelina reared back in shock. It wasn’t something that she discussed often, but everyone knew that Angelina had been robbed of a professional Quidditch career before it could begin. She’d been blown back into a wall during the Battle of Hogwarts and taken a lot of damage to her spine. The Healers told her that one wrong hit from a Bludger, and she’d never play walk again. 

So, Angelina had chosen a career in the Department of Magical Games and Sports, where she worked on laws that pertained to the sport and sometimes scored tickets to the bigger games throughout the season. Ginny had always wondered though; was she jealous of all those other players? Jealous of the dream she never got to chase? Angelina had never seemed bitter and it always intrigued Ginny. 

“I mean, I was upset,” Angelina said, crossing her arms. “I’d trained to become a pro before the war, and it was fucking hard having to give that up.”

“And how did you figure out what you wanted to do after?” she asked. 

Angelina shrugged. “I don’t know. The opportunity just kinda presented itself.” Her sister-in-law’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Ginny looked away from her, spotting a young girl coming out of Quality Quidditch Supplies. She was carrying a small broom and talking excitedly with her mother about flying it when she got home. 

“You probably already know that I took a bad fall in the last match.” Angelina nodded. “Well, I hit my head pretty hard when I landed, and I had my exam today to clear me to go back on the pitch.” Ginny pushed down the emotion that was rising in her throat. “But the Healer wouldn’t clear me.” She looked down at her feet. “She said that if I went back on the pitch and took a Bludger to the head or had another bad fall, there was a possibility of permanent brain damage.” 

“Oh, Gin,” Angelina whispered. 

“I don’t want your sympathy,” Ginny said roughly. If she wanted that, she would have gone home to her husband who would have held her while she sobbed about how the world wasn’t fair. What she wanted was to know how she moved on from here. For years, her only dream had been Quidditch. What did you do when your dreams were no longer obtainable? 

“I know you don’t,” Angelina said. “But I’ve been there, and it’s . . . one of the worst feelings in the world. To know you were on the edge of having everything you wanted, only for it to be snatched away.” When Angelina grabbed her hands, Ginny finally looked at her. “And I’m so sorry, Ginny. You don’t deserve that.” 

“So, tell me how you did it,” Ginny said. 

Instead, Angelina pulled her into a hug. Silently, Ginny accepted it, letting the tension slowly leave her body. She had no idea how she was going to get past this. The building blocks of her life were crumbling around her, and though he might try, Harry couldn’t hold them together – no one could. So, Ginny held onto Angelina and buried her face in her neck.

“My life’s over,” she muttered. 

“Your life’s not over,” Angelina said softly. “You’ve still got a family that loves you, and a brother who let you talk to his wife even though he thought you were going to beat her up.” 

Ginny let out a muffled laugh. “I couldn’t beat you up.” 

“You might come closer than you think.” Gently, Angelina untangled herself and offered Ginny a sad smile. “It won’t be easy, and it’s going to suck, but you’ll figure out what’s next. And then this moment will pale in comparison. Your life has just begun, Ginny. I promise.” 

Nodding, she wiped at the tears that were still brimming in her eyes. “Yeah, alright.” She sniffed. “You should go before George sends out a search party.” 

Angelina snorted. “He’s so overdramatic.”

“But he loves you.”

“Yeah, I guess he does.” 

There was a found smile on Angelina’s lips, and Ginny couldn’t help the smile that started to form on her own. 

“If you ever need to talk, come see me,” Angelina said. “No matter what time of day or night it is. I’ll be there.” 

“I will,” she said. Then she Disapparated just as quickly as she had appeared. When she landed on the front porch of her house she could hear James screaming as Harry laughed. Al’s giggles were probably covered up by his brother and father. As she opened the door, she spotted Harry laying on the floor and James bouncing on his stomach. He was a ball of energy. Al was sitting on the couch laughing as he pointed at James. Merlin, her kids were amazing. 

As she slipped inside, a grin overtook her face. Harry hadn’t noticed her, which was unusual because he was very observant, so she took this opportunity to watch them. As Harry reached up to tickle him, James let out a squeal and hopped up, running from the room. 

“I’m gonna get you!” Harry shouted after him. James just squealed again and ran faster. Al was lowering himself slowly from the couch. Once he was on the floor, he toddled after his brother. 

“You look happy.”

Harry’s head snapped toward her, his eyes softening at the sight of her. He pushed himself onto his elbows but didn’t get up or come towards her. A result of her pulling away from him earlier, no doubt. 

“They were asking about you,” he said instead. “Wanted to know when you’d be back because apparently, you’re better at building forts than I am.” 

“I am,” Ginny said proudly. She’d had six brothers to teach her how to do it properly. A soft smile settled over Harry’s face as he gazed at her. Within four strides, Ginny was in front of him and then she was over the top of him, sinking down to her knees so she could sit in his lap. Though he was surprised, he quickly recovered as his hands found the bottoms of her thighs. Gently, she rested her forehead against his. 

“I know I’m not supposed to ask this,” he said, idly tracing patterns on her thigh. “But are you ok?”

“No,” she said simply. “But I will be.” 

As she heard her son’s voice, she thought that maybe Angelina was right. Her life wasn’t over just yet. 

[thefangirltreehouse]

spider-man two, thoughts (spoilers below).

this is literally just spit-balling

harry as venom isn't a plot i hate. the way insomniac likes to craft their stories primarily around the emotional baggage of established relationships that peter (and miles) has. fighting for and against your terminally ill best friend with pretty bleak execution results is far more interesting to me than fighting a character who's no more than a missable footnote in the original game. harry as venom isn't something i'm gunning for in the comics but it works for insomniac.

i'm so glad that insomniac really leaned into peter and mj's dynamic and it was nice to see her as more than just the doting girlfriend.

i mean, darin de paul is just a national treasure. in what world does the man that plays ardyn izunia play triple-j.

speaking of final fantasy xv, king regis you bitch! how dare you stab peter. i cannot believe we have two caelum's in one spider-man game.

i'm so happy they integrated hailey into the main supporting cast (also playable?!) but when did she find out about miles?

mj i get, but i feel peter moved on far too quickly from the fact he nearly killed his girlfriend. and on that note, literally just stands and watches the scream transformation. i know they're trying to keep it together considering peter's experience with the symbiote but like, i would've been pissed at harry.

rio and miles dancing at the gala was the most adorable thing. (especially as someone who grew up with a single-mum).

they literally don't explain how venom gets his name

"show them your manhood!" / "yes sir - wait, what?!"

young peter's look just confirms disney / marvel wanted the face change to represent the mcu because that is literally tom holland's face.

i actually didn't think yuri's performance could get any better, it did especially once peter has the symbiote off.

the music during the venom fight with peter at midtown is incredible.

i obviously knew he wasn't going to die but i legit cried when pete got stabbed.

i understand insomniac really want you to use the symbiote suit but peter's lower-level unlocked suits are low-key hot garbage. even as someone who doesn't mind the militarized, tech suits the choices were so mid. i didn't get the suit i really wanted until after i bet the story. i ended up using the raimi suit which i never used in the original game as i don't like that suit but it was the only normal looking suit that wasn't native to insomniac as i don't like their peter suits.

miles' were better but a lot of them seemed to blend together. his endgame suit is actually my favourite (but with the red, purple and blue ombre lining - which i'm annoyed i couldn't even use the swatch in the finale).

had quite a handful of restarts and crashes in 23hrs play-time.

kinda wish we could've seen young!mj with peter and harry.

miles telling harry that he doesn't care if he's peter's best friend, he's still going to kick his ass was great.

i feel like the plot beats for this game overall were kinda predictable in that kraven was the early game bad guy, pete gets the symbiote suit from harry, harry takes it back and becomes venom all with the end result of norman being pissed at spider-man(s) for harry's probably bad outcome. that said, i genuinely have no guesses for structure of the next one and i doubt they're going to make harry a 'villain' again.

i don't think they'll use carnage in dlc, especially when yuri said it might take "years" to track him down, but i also don't know if he'll be enough for the finale as it might - at least gameplay and conceptually - feel like a venom rehash.

this just me on a tangent so feel free to skip. based on what i said, as someone not super familiar with carnage outside of specific media, the problem i have with him in relation to venom is the same problem i have with 'the batman who laughs' it makes the former feel less threating in direct comparison (which will happen when you cut to carnage after immediately having venom as a main antagonist one game prior), especially when venom is brock rather than peter as the host, because there's internal conflict with peter (which can be argued with tbwl's to some extent). carnage, in basic terms is bat-shit venom with zero redeeming qualities and i worry that for a medium like this he will feel derivative. the joker and the venom shouldn't feel less dangerous, especially now that it feels like venom has taken on anti-hero and carnage has become what venom was. like what happened in cruella. disney tried to make cruella likable, so emma stone basically played 'disney: harley quinn' and emma thompson played cruella.

this is oddly specific but i feel laura bailey is like the only woman in gaming that goes for the scream. and i always watch these games (cyberpunk in particular) and i'm like "girl scream, let out that guttural scream because i know that's exactly what's i'd be doing in that situation because this shit is terrifying." the only other time i've properly seen it done was also by laura bailey when she played fetch.

i actually don't know if we'll get another in-between game because i feel like the "play as miles'" itch has been scratched. meaning there's no need to fill that void as until his spin-off we couldn't play as him, now we can.

but if we do, could potentially see a silk, miles team-up to take down carnage.

mj's stealth missions are terrifying. her section under the tunnel with peter should’ve been longer

gutted there's no ng+ yet.

my bisexual queen is thriving.

getting the spider-bots was really the only fun thing to collect.

we’ll probably see gwen in the next game.

the sheer amount of detail on felicia's face

i can’t not hear wally in any of jason spisak’s roles.

“i don’t know what it is, but i just love this spider-bot.” - peter (about the spider-girl spider-bot)

vulture, electro and shocker really didn’t need to be killed completely off-screen. but i feel like they might’ve lost their rating if they weren’t. it’s just a bit strange that nobody noticed, especially pete that multiple high-profile raft inmates went missing?

people are being weird as fuck about cindy and peter. the girl is clearly a minor.

i booted up the first game to replay it, yeah. i still don’t like peter’s new face.

felt like there was half an act missing. could’ve done with one more agent venom mission, perhaps they can’t save vulture or electro. kinda felt like they needed a ‘he really is taking them out one by one.’

could’ve done with venom’s arc being a little longer.

miles’ arc was incredible and i loved watching him team-up with mj.

the black suit with the blue and red highlights from the nineties cartoon?!

speaking of, mj’s outfit during the zoo mission is also a call back

reed richards is defo getting a cameo in the next game and maybe tony on a phone call. i’d also love a nudge-nudge side-quest for deadpool.

i know it’s an emotional scene but i spat out my drink when i saw they changed the pic of harry from the old game to his new design in peter’s garage.

“i think we should get them” the line delivery on that is immaculate, like thank you captain obvious.

i’ve had a bit to linger on this but, there’s a bit of a disconnect between harry wanting the suit and getting it back. i think there had to be just a bit more push with peter specifically. i get he’s a nice guy but we needed to see a bit more passive aggressive harry brewing in the desperation for the symbiote.

watching a playthrough i realised venom got his name from oscorp / dr. connors as there’s a container with the name “vnm” when peter turns connors human again.

i don't want a venom spin-off and it feels like the only people who do want it is to take venom for an hour's joy-ride (until the gimmick wears off) or eddie brock stans that feel jilted by insomniac. i'd much rather get straight to the finale because i don't want to have to buy a playstation six just because some randomers want an eddie simulator first.

chameleon is absolutely going to be dlc.

how did mj get her motorbike back from the tunnel?

predictions for the next game:

electro isn't dead, primarily due to the fact that max may have became pure energy to escape kraven.

cindy, miles and black cat team-up mission.

may is hinted at towards the end of the game.

madame webb is getting something.

if carnage is in the third game and not two's dlc, he'll be the opening act villain (pseudo-kraven).

they'll tease hobgoblin - harry or not. (i could genuinely see harry becoming hobgoblin to help take down otto and green goblin, if it's norman).

peter might die, but i doubt it.

if harry dies, it'll be half-way through the game. i will actually kill myself tho.

i low-key want spot to be in the game or dlc but i don't think they'll do that purely because of spider-verse but you can tell a lot of insomniac grew-up on the nineties show, so it might be a possibility. (most of my knowledge for spider lore exists in that show and the various film franchises because the only spider comics i own is one 'noir' trade and a handful of 'the superior foes of spider-man'.)

i mean, they also could have miles go after spot, which could be fun.

HOLY FUCK! WAIT! HARRY AS GREEN GOBLIN COULD BE AN HOMAGE ARC TO MARY JANE IN LIMBO BUT EVEN MORE ANGSTY CAUSE THAT SERUM IS DEFO GONNA MAKE HARRY PSYCHO - I ACTUALLY NEED TO SEE IT BECAUSE THAT EPISODE IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY CORE MEMORIES.

the delivery of “i think we should get him” is immaculate

someone mentioned this on tvtropes, but stark industries bankrolling f.e.a.s.t is not a bad idea.

fisk will probably be back in side mission capacity or dlc.

[all-things-fic]

Country Lane | Divorce Harry III

Thank you all for waiting for this one. Massive middle finger to tumblr for screwing the post up! Divorce Harry III is finally here!

Shoutout to my lovely ladies who taking time to read this for me @harrytheehottie, @harryfeatgaga, @haute-romance-quotidienne and of course @waitingfortwilight. Also, thank you to all my lovely anons and those of you who come off anon to talk about this, I’ve really loved the general chit chat about the series <3

Without further ado, enjoy! Lots of love and happy Saturday! x

*~*

You had no idea where you were. 

Surrounded by nothing but overgrown grass and the odd wooden fence. If you listened carefully in the distance you could hear the traffic of what you thought could be the A34 road and you were pretty sure that the last sign you had seen before your car cut out had been for Congleton. 

Rubbing your hands down your fresh face, your spa retreat to Mottram Hall for the hen-do of one of the school Mum’s entering her second marriage, was nothing more than a distant memory. As you sat freezing, in your car, looking out onto the harsh autumn weather of October, you were far from relaxed and rejuvenated. 

Worrying your bottom lip with your top teeth, you juggled your phone from palm to palm. You knew you had to call him, you effectively didn’t have any choice. Especially after you’d pulled your way through your glove compartment and you hadn’t come up trumps with your breakdown cover documentation. 

Part of you was cursing in that moment at how you’d handed the piece of paper which held all telephone numbers and car insurance policy account numbers over to your son to scribble upon during one particularly long car session, just to keep him quiet. You were actually sure it was now stuck on your fridge with a lovely drawing of what you presumed to be Marvel characters all over it. 

The worst of it all was that you knew whatever had happened to your car was bad. You knew simply from the way the car had spluttered and started to grind before almost seizing up and stalling to a halt.

Unlocking your phone, you scrolled through your contacts and landed on his contact card. Clicking on it you saw when the last time you had called him was and recalled the soft FaceTime he’d had with your eldest son, who wanted to tell his Daddy about how he’d been picked for the schools first rugby team, taking him out of reserves and off the bench. 

Breathing deeply, you ignored the ache the fond memory began to cause and tapped Harry’s name. The dialling tone that greeted you filled the pit of your stomach with knots as you tried to relax in the leather seat of your Range Rover.

Again, you started to worry your lips at the fifth ring, before the line clicked and you heard his warm voice. You froze at how friendly he sounded, his voice held an edge of laughter to it and you heard shuffling faintly in the background, followed by chatter, before it was shut out.

On the other end of the line, Harry had found himself dodging his way around people in his Mother’s kitchen in Cheshire, before leaving the room and catching your call before it cut off.

“Sorry ‘bout tha’,” he spoke an unnecessary apology, probably because of how long it had taken him to answer, as you remained quiet on the other line.

You blinked harshly at the sound of your name being spoken. “Are you still there?” Harry asked, pulling the phone away from his ear to see that the call was indeed still running. 

“Ye- yeah,” you stuttered, partly due to a soft tremble to your lips from being cold. 

“Everythin’ alrigh’?” He asked, a concerned edge to his question, as you dropped deeper into your car seat. 

Another small amount of silence. 

“Not really,” you responded, honestly. “Where are you?”

With a small frown, he answered, “‘M at Mums. ‘S her birthday this weekend, remember?”

Shit. You’d forgotten.

Heavily breathing in response, you said, “It slipped my mind. Sorry.”

There was a chuckle at the end of the line.

 “Not like you tha’,” he playfully jostled, causing the pit of your stomach to fall through again. You hated how he always managed to make any conversation between the two of you not seem as if you were in the middle of a prolonged divorce. “Usually got everything colour coordinated on our kitchen calendar.”

And he still did that so smoothly too, spoke about things as if you still did them together. The use of ‘our’ and ‘we’ was second nature and so naturally fell off his tongue in a velvety way that was soothing but left you shivering if caught by your touch in a different way. 

As if he could read your mind, before you’d thought it, he said, “Don’t worry. I added everyone’s names to the presents so she thinks they’re from all o’ us.” 

“I shouldn’t have called, you’re busy,” you responded without feeling, starting to pull the phone away from your ear and back to thinking about how you could get in touch with your breakdown cover. There had to be a way, surely.

“Hey, no,” he was urgent. “Don’t hang up, ‘s fine. I’ve pulled myself away. ‘S okay- please. Don’t hang up on me, something’s not right ‘ere. ‘S okay to still need me sometimes, y’ know?” 

“It’s okay, I can sort it myself-“ you flung your car door open. “Can you just tell me know how to pop the bonnet up on this car, cause it’s been so bloody long since I last had to do it-“

“Pop the bonnet? Why’d you need to do that? Have you broken down somewhere?” His questions were clipped as he asked. 

“Don’t get arsey with me-“ 

“‘M not,” he replied, quickly cutting. He really was. “Are the kids wi’you?”

“‘S alright for me be stranded on the side of the road on my own when it’s about to get dark-“

“Did I say that?” Again, he words were clipped. “Are you trying to wind me up?”

“Why have you not told me how to raise the bonnet?”

He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose before walking the short distance in his Mother's hallway to lower himself, slowly, down to sit on the stairs. 

“Underneath the passenger side there’s a lever,” he paused his softer tone, giving you time to find it. As he spoke you trampled against the grass closest to the passenger side and opened the door. Looking down at a red lever, which had clearly made itself known to you now that it had been brought to your attention.

“Found it?” he asked, hearing you hum. 

You shut the passenger door of your car and stared at the slightly popped up bonnet, Harry’s voice filling your ears again. “If you feel underneath the bonnet, between the E and the R there is another little lever. Squeeze that and it’ll release the bonnet-“

“Where’s the little thing to keep it up?”

He breathily chuckled, “‘s on hydraulics so keeps itself up.” 

Again, you didn’t respond and he was met with silence. Harry rested his chin against his palm waiting for you to speak, eyes looking towards the dimming light as night began to approach. 

“Wha’ can you see?”

“Not a whole lot, it looks fine to me.“

“Darling, just let me come to you.” 

“But this is why I pay for breakdown cover,” you snapped. 

“Where are you?” He asked, voice deep and to your annoyance laced with concern that he should no longer hold. 

You stammered trying to figure out some sort of excuse to bullshit him with, eyes taking in the country lane and the vast greeness around you. 

“Last time ‘m askin’,” he harshly cut in. “‘S gonna get dark soon, so jus’ tell me where y’are.”

“Somewhere near Congleton.”

“And wha’s the matter wi’the car?”

You noted his voice on his last question was a bit pinched, probably from focusing on another task like pulling on a pair of trainers to bring him to you. He clearly wasn’t playing along anymore. 

“Well, I think I’ve had an oil leak but none of the lights have come on to officially let me know whether I have or haven’t. The only thing is the nasty black marks that are on the driveway at home, but ‘s nothing that couldn't probably be jet washed off-“

As you rambled about cleaning the oil from the drive of the Hampstead home, Harry zoned out beginning to list the things he would probably require to bring with him. He was sure some of it could be found in Robin’s old garage, knowing that boxes of tools were still piled in the far corner. 

“Send me your exact location via text.”

“Harry-“ you sighed.

“‘M not askin’, ‘m telling,” he abruptly responded. 

***

People say that Googling symptoms is never a good thing, you suppose the same could be said for a car. 

Were they symptoms though? You couldn’t quite coherently think of another descriptor for them as they brought up search after search at how you quite possibly could have ruined your car.

You tried not to dwell as the sky around you began to get darker while you sat in the safe passing place on the country lane. It wasn’t like you had much choice but to stick around. 

Cold, and dithering slightly, you had taken to throwing your coat over your body like a blanket as simply wearing it wasn’t keeping your entire body warm enough. 

Car doors locked and eyes closed, you tried to find some solace in your waiting. You didn’t have much avail, as you were interrupted by the harsh white lighting of LED headlights breaking through the dimming dusk sky.

You frowned, eyes squinting as the light got closer and pulled in behind you. A sense of uncertainty filled your body at the new arrival, along the otherwise desolate road.

A figure of a male jumped out of the car behind you, causing you to still all of your movement in your car seat as you tried to make out any features to you that would make you comfortable in knowing it was Harry. 

The blinding lights made it far too difficult to see anything and you were beginning to think that the person behind you had left them on, on purpose. Unless they were those annoying ones that slowly turned themselves off. 

Staring out you vaguely were able to make out the figure approaching you and as he got halfway you relaxed.

It was Harry. 

He rapped his knuckles gently at your driver's side window and then smiled to himself as he realised how you wouldn’t be able to open it due to your inactive engine. 

“Open the door for me,” he spoke, his voice slightly muffled as it came through your car window. He watched as you reached for the door handle inside and pushed the door ajar ever so slightly. “Could you have picked anywhere more hidden away?”

You didn’t respond straight-away, deciding instead to take him in as he stood with his left arm leaning up against the doorframe of your car. His right arm taut as he held the car door open and away from you both, not wanting it to cause any obstruction. 

Underneath his khaki parka you could faintly make out a worn Versace tee as it hung open, unzipped. You internally rolled your eyes. What kind of person wore Versace to fix a car and possibly get covered in oil in the process? 

As you rested your head back against the seat behind you, you silently enjoyed the way he looked down at you. It was always quite frustrating, even more so now you weren’t together, how magnetising he was. 

“Do me a favour?” He broke the silent stare, “Lean over and pull the lever for me? Don’t quite fancy walking around the car and possibly going down a ditch.”

“My parking isn’t that bad!” You chastised, watching the way his lips twitched. “I’m being courteous of other cars on this tiny lane, given them extra room near the passing place-“

“You got miles of space this side of the dotted line,” he spoke cutting in, eyes wide and filled with humour. “Surprised you didn’t drive down the hill bank the other side to be extra courteous.”

“Can pull the lever yourself now, hope you break your ankle-“

“No you don’t-“

“I’d just leave you here, you know? Take the keys out of your pocket and go.“

“Don’t need to resort to petty crime,” his voice was a bit weaker now but still just as cheeky. “Could’ve just asked for ‘em.” 

Your eyes moved towards the glinting keys that he held loosely by the key ring after quickly retrieving them from his pocket. Tauntingly wanting you to reach out from them.

“You’re just going to pull them away, if I grab for ‘em.”

“‘M not,” he stressed with a slight laughter. “You’re always so cynical and defensive. Not even thanked me for driving out to come and get you.”

You didn’t respond, instead you gently reached for the keys, feeling him slightly shift them from your grip as he enjoyed the determination on your face. 

Fingers filled with want, you still grabbed for them, successfully but having to be halfway out of the seat and door of your car in order to fulfill your achievement.

When your feet met the ground beneath you, you quickly shifted around to pull your coat on properly. As you moved from the doorway, you watched as Harry dropped his chest onto the driver's seat and reached across the width of the car to pull the lever without needing to walk around the car to do so.

Putting a bit of distance between you, so you didn’t fall foul of staring too long at his bum in his blue jeans, you stalled yourself as he pushed his body up to standing and flipped through a book in his hands. 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” He said, flicking through what you now knew to be the car’s manual that he must’ve also grabbed from the glove box while inside the car. When you didn’t reply he tore his eyes away from the pages and over to you. 

“You’re a good man.”

The honesty in your voice, knocked him. “‘M not, but ‘m trying t’be.”

The two of you stared at each other in the dimming darkness and you knew your gaze matched his sad one. 

Clearing his throat, he threw the manual against the driver’s seat. “Anyway out m’ sight, leave the men to the work an’ all tha’. ‘S got heated seats an’ all, if you’re into tha’ sorta thing.”

***

You felt bad watching him out in the cold and dark, a light hanging from the bonnet the only source around him that you imagined was keeping him going. 

Sitting in the passenger seat, you let your eyes roam around the black interior of his car that was incredibly spacious and so suitable for your barrage of children. 

Your attention turned to outside again as you saw Harry move around from your car and walk up towards his own. His forearm came up to wipe across his mouth, bringing your attention to his facial hair that seemed to be getting thicker and thicker. 

Without needing to be prompted, you pressed the button to lower the driver's side window and watched as he pressed his forearms into the resting place you had created for him now there was no window blocking his way.

“Can you get me one of them shammy cloths from out o’the boot please? Jus’ need to double check the dipstick.” 

You nodded as he continued, “Would do it m’self but-“ he paused, opening out his hands and showing how dirty his fingers were to you. 

“It’s fine,” you said, leaving the car and joining him. “I feel a bit useless anyway,” you admitted. 

Both of you remained silent when he joined you at the back of his car, two sets of eyes easily spotting what you were looking for. You opened the packet of two cloths, a horrible peach colour, and passed him one before swapping places with him.

You moved to stand at the side of the car, watching him drop his head inside the boot to see if there was anything else he needed while he was at the other car. 

“Since when did you become one of them?”

“One of who?” He asked, his head popping around the side of his car and out of the boot to look at you.

“Your lights on this car are far too bright.”

He rolled his eyes, remaining quiet as he turned back to the contents of his boot. He wasn’t going to respond to your unnecessary nitpicking.

“It’s really nice inside though. Single about me did well then,” you found yourself saying the comment in a biting fashion, unable to hold your tongue. 

“Which one?” He bit right back, a clanging heard from the boot, “I asked you if you wanted a credit, you said no.” 

You clammed up. He hadn’t taken what you said as a joke. A bit of light humour, you thought, for the road. It was your own fault. You’d become that sort of annoying person you often could get when you found yourself awkwardly doing nothing with yourself. Your delivery of your joke didn’t help either. 

“Think I preferred you when you stayed sat, quiet, in the car,” Harry said, head moving out from the boot again so you could read his expressions. Raised eyebrows and twitching lips. 

“Piss off,” you glared at him, slowly turning to walk away. 

Now it was Harry’s turn to think you were joking, as he shouted after you. “Really gonna be like that after I turned up to save you. That’s twice now I’ve had t’remind yer.” 

“You insisted-“

“I know I did,” he spoke around a chuckle. “Now where’re you off to?”

“‘M walking home-“

“Don’t be so fucking ridiculous,” he shouted after you, a frown jarring through his light features when he moved from the open boot to walk closer to you as you turned back around to face him. 

***

He managed to coax you to sit back in the car not much longer after you’d stormed off in a huff. Not without a fight, but this was one he was willing to back down on just to get you to stop storming off. 

Looking back on it now, the scene was probably quite funny to some passerby or outsider, or it would’ve been if you weren’t so secluded. A female dressed in the most fetching of clothes - sarcasm noted - arguing in the middle of a street. Like some five year old in need of a nap. 

Speaking of naps, your eyes shot open wide at the loud bang of your car bonnet being shut. You hadn’t realised that you’d begun to doze until you were abruptly woken. 

Bleary vision was quickly erased with a rub of your eyes, as you moved to face the front and pushed your hair from your face.

You were met with Harry busy fiddling with the wires of his lamp. His face dropped down and hair falling so easily into his eyes. He kept walking rather than look into the car to see if you were still with him. Instead, he dropped everything that was in his hands into the boot and proceeded to annoyingly continue to subconsciously show off by pressing a button to close his boot automatically. 

Staying wrapped up in one of your kids car blankets, you curled your legs underneath your body and rested your right cheek against the headrest. You continued to be silent as you started to wake up, eyes blinking slowly as you watched Harry in the dark pull open his car door.

He swung his body into the car with an almighty groan, one that caused you in your sleepy haze to softly smile. He looked shattered as he relaxed in his seat and rested his head backwards.

With eyes closed he sighed heavily, letting you take him in without a care. You’d noticed that at some point since your nap he’d removed his coat and now he sat in just his t-shirt and jeans. Both, of which, now looked like they had seen better days.

His brow had begun to perspire as he entered the warmth of his car, the quick switch from the Baltic (slight over exaggeration) temperatures outside to those more welcoming inside the G-Wagon could do that to you. 

“Don’t think it’s fucked completely,” he said to break the silence, wiping his face and sweat with the back of his hand and wrist, to try and ensure his oil covered fingers didn’t leave any other stains on his skin.

You enjoyed the way he used the back of his hand, wrist and forearm to wipe at his now slightly clammy skin. Stupidly it emphasised how defined his upper body had become. “Dipstick wasn’t as dry as I was expecting,” he continued, “Just topped her up and ‘m ‘oping she turns over and sounds as good as new.” 

Again, silence. His eyes staring straight ahead of him, yours enjoying his profile. God, he had a fantastic nose. It was definitely something that your daughter had inherited and you wondered if it would be a feature that a loved one in her life would sometimes admire in the next generation. 

“Got any baby wipes wi’ you?” He cut his eyes to yours from the corner of his vision, taking in the way you were curled up in the passenger seat wearing the car blanket of your eldest son. 

His eyes lingered on your shape for a while, dropping down and enjoying the way you had curled yourself up and presented to him in such a cosy vision. It meant you felt relaxed around him and that was all he ever wanted. 

It was a nice contrast to the emotive happenings between the two of you that had almost become commonplace of late. A foreign feeling that was so simple, but so exciting. 

Without verbal response you reached from your handbag that was in the footwell to have a look inside at the contents. 

“Don’t wanna leave this car, been a bit spoiled over the last hour or so. Could do with an upgrade myself as they’re all getting older and need a bit more room,” you spoke as you rummaged around, movements still slightly sluggish.

You were successful in finding what you needed, the rustling of the plastic packaging jarring to your ears. Quickly pulling at the cover overlay, you swiftly pulled out a couple of wipes with such a mom-like finesse that had you balancing them on top of the now closed packet as you turned to face Harry. 

“Don’t even think about making it a clause in the divorce,” he joked, eyes looking up at you from underneath his brow. His eyebrows snapped up in shock as you snatched at his hand and abruptly pulled at the baby wipes you’d retrieved from inside your handbag. 

The two of you fell silent as you wiped at his left hand first, watching the black of the oil slowly leave his fingers. Breathing was heavy in the empty space as you didn’t dare raise your gaze higher to look into his eyes, that you knew were watching you. 

“It’s so attractive, how much of a Mum you are,” he dared to say what he really thought as his humoured expression fell away. “Cleaning my hands up nicely, like ‘m your child that’s made a mess of m’dinner.” 

“Harry,” you sighed his name, fidgeting softly in your seat. He chuckled in such a husky way that you found yourself softening regardless of the way it riled you. 

Releasing his left hand, you reached straight for his right. Seeing the way he caught himself and stopped it before it fell against his lap. He smoothly reached for you, brushing your hair behind your shoulders as it began to curtain across the right side of your face.

“Last time m’hands were this dirty, you were licking and sucking ‘em clean.”

You felt your face begin to heat up from his brazenness.

“Are you blushing for me?” He whispered, his left hand moving along your jaw, to tilt your head upwards. He had a hold of your jaw, slightly rougher than before and while your face played ball, your eyes did not. “‘S been ages since you blushed fo’me.”

Again the sound of breathing filled the car, Harry’s gaze all over your features before his other words punctuated the air, “Look a’me.”

As your eyes moved sharply to the right, you looked at the way he’d lolled his head back. His thumb slowly pulled at your bottom lip, watching the way it softly bounced from his touch, before he lifted it to trace faintly over your Cupid’s bow.

“Missed your lips,” he admitted, enjoying the light puffs of breath that bounced against the pad of his thumb. Before you could think, you’d taken his thumb inside your mouth, an appreciative groan leaving his lips.

You felt the way his fingers cupped under your chin, gently stroking at your skin, silently caressing. Teeth nipping playfully against the skin of his thumb as you pulled away. 

“How much?” You asked, lips turning to ghost against the inside of his hand. 

His eyes lingered as you watched him nudge his chin up slightly, silently asking for you to come to him. 

You sucked in a heavy breath as you leaned into him, the dimming ceiling light of the car slowly allowing darkness to swallow you both. A faint smile nudged your lips as your nose fell against his top lip.

He scooped you under his arm - lining you up better - hands trying to hold you as near to him as he could as you leaned over the centre console of the car to be closer to him. 

“Enough,” he husked, before adding, “Your nose is cold,” in a passing tone, lips against your temple now. Breathing deeply through your nose you let him pull you even closer, unable to believe that you weren’t close enough. Muffled apologies left your lips, about how your nose was cold. 

The soft drag of his lips to yours pulled you under a haze that swept away your apologies and into a tender reacquaintance. His lips were slightly shaking against yours and you weren’t sure if it was to do with the cold that he had found himself in or if it were due to his nervousness. 

Regardless he was steady. Knew exactly what he was doing and what he wanted. Pulling kiss after kiss from you in the slowest fashion that you felt yourself beginning to warm up. 

“‘S nice to have a little kiss,” he gently spoke against the corner of your mouth. “Missed you treating me to ‘em.” 

“I think you just know exactly what to say,” you murmured as you allowed him to continue ghosting his lips over yours. “Know exactly what you're doing.”

“‘F you’re suggesting that I’m trying it on,” he murmured against your lips, “I absolutely fucking am.”

“Would never have guessed,” you looked at him with heavy eyelids, head now nudged back slightly to enable you to see his entire face. He smirked at you, eyes blinking slowly as he willed you to him once more.

His hand was secure around the back of your neck, fingers messily woven through your hair. His other hand gently massaged at the top of your back, over your fetching loungewear that you had chosen to drive home in.

“‘S it working?”

“What do you think?”

Harry’s eyes dropped in a slow blink as he felt the way your hand lowered down his chest and abdomen, which was wavering slightly from his nervous anticipation. 

Dropping your head down to his chest, you left a kiss to his pec as you mumbled and felt the button of his jeans giveway to your fingers and thumb. “I am grateful, you know?”

“Yeah?”

The ruffle of your hair against the cotton of his tee filled the car, him recognising it as you nodding. 

“Me too,” he assured. 

And he was. Grateful.

For the life he’d had with you up until this point.

The family the two of you had created. The one you were so fiercely fighting for. Messily and viciously, all from a good place. The best place. 

He licked at his dry lips, leaving his mouth to hang open slightly as he watched you descend down to his semi that was hidden in the confines of his jeans.

“Both of us need warming up,” he mused, his hands sliding from your hair and down your back, slowly and gently to your slightly raised bum from how you had placed yourself over the center console. “In’t that right?”

A dull slap of his hand against your leggings-clad bum had you rocking back as you felt his hands slide under the waistband to massage at your cheek.

Swallowing heavy, Harry tilted back his head and even through his hooded eyes he caught his blissed expression in the rear view mirror, as he felt you take his balls into your mouth and gently suckle.

He rasped your name as he basked in the dirty licks, heavily laden with saliva from your watering mouth before you took him into your throat. Obscene sounds from your actions wove between his heavy breathing and quick pants. 

“Fuck me, darling.” 

With his hand that was still against your bum, he pulled you closer. Hands desperate to have purchase of something as you gently but messily sucked and licked, desperate to feel the tickle of his pubic hair against the tip of your nose to know you’d successfully taken him all the way down.

His breathing was shaky, a quick hiss leaving his lips as he felt the way your nails dug into his denim clad thighs from his previous movements to try and hold steady. The position wasn’t ideal, but the feeling of your shaking breath against his wet cock as you nosed against his jeans had him smiling.

As you turned your head slightly to look at him from the corner of your vision, you noticed the way he was looking down at you. How powerful he seemed in that moment as you were slightly beneath him. 

The thought changed though with the way his hand came up to your face, his thumb against your wet lips for the shortest time before he cradled the back of your head to help pull you back up and avoid any mishaps. 

He tugged you forward to crush his mouth to yours with pleased hums as he tasted himself on you. Lips smacking as he pulled kiss after kiss from your mouth, smiling at the eagerness of you both.

His hands joined yours as they pulled at his jeans, his hips lifting in the seat and his arms strong as he pushed the denim and underwear down to sit closer to his knees. 

“Mm,” he hummed, as his bare bum cheeks met the heated seat beneath them. “Put the seats on fo’me.”

“Don’t say I don’t ever treat you nicely.”

He huskily chuckled as he brought your lips back to him again. “Nice an’ warm,” he lazily spoke, acknowledging the heated seats. “Jus’ for me.”

And he knew every bit of his words meant the double entendre that you had caught,looking on as you pulled away to sink back into your own seat 

Looking over at him, you noticed the lust behind his eyes as he slowly pumped his hand up and down his wet and aching cock when you sunk back into your own seat and watched his head loll against the headrest once more. His nostrils flared as he bit down on his bottom lip and nudged his chin up, getting you silently to come to him once more when he’d seen your movements in removing your own bottoms had ended.

“Wouldn’t do this for anyone else, y’know that?” You said around your messy kiss as you raised your legs and felt his hands guide you to straddle him. Hands splayed across your lower back and the top half of your bum as he secured you to him. 

“Should bloody ‘ope not.” 

As you sat above him, you could feel him there. Sprung back and wet. Your mouths rested against each other, heavy and open. Eyes moving to and fro over each other’s.

“Been at this too long to start sharing now.”

Your hips moved forward at his words, with the smallest of motions but it was enough to make his cock glide between your lips. His expression was one of immeasurable pleasure regardless of how little the touch.

Deep down you knew you didn’t have time for this sort of behaviour. The kind where you revelled in the nudge of him against your clit, and the way it caused you to gasp lightly while your brow creased and forehead fell against his. 

“Take it,” he encouraged as you rolled your hips on him. “Let me in.”

Heavy breathing and shaking hands, you held Harry’s eyes as you reached behind you to take him in your hand. 

Wrapping your fingers around his length, you raised yourself, feeling him shuffle down slightly  in his seat to help ensure you didn’t bump your head as you lifted. Fingers gave way when he lined up nicely, slipping only his tip inside of you.

This stretch was one like no other. A burn that you savoured as much as the expression that welcomed you from the desire felt by the only man who had ever made you feel this way. His one hand crawled up your back, to cup around your neck, anchoring you to him. 

When you were fully seated shaky exhales bounced against each other’s lips. Every tremble of you above him felt so vividly by Harry. The way your thighs shook from the small confines you found yourself in, to the quiver of your fingers against his neck and jaw. 

“You’re so big,” your moan was feeble. Embarrassing in many ways. Especially given the amount of times you’d done this with him. 

“Mm,” he agreed. “‘S cause ‘m so hot for you. Got me so hard. Always have.”

“Always will-“

“Always will,” he confirmed.

Your moan was thick as it left your throat, his words enough to get you to roll against him and have you clit drag pleasing against his pelvis.

He groaned, knowing that’s what you were doing too. Having been in this position so many times before. No one had ever had you this way, and you knew no one ever would either. A pleasure this giving was one of familiarity. Aided so deeply by feeling. 

When your mouth met his again the only word to describe your kiss was sinful. His tongue waiting to meet yours, flicking so easily and far too filthily for those on the cusp of middle age. 

But he still had it. 

The gleaming boyish gaze and curling smile. Could charm his way into any heart and into any pair of knickers. But the ones he had chosen time and time again were yours. Regardless of their sexiness at times.

“Yes,” you gasped, pulling away from his mouth and feeling his hands encourage the knocking of your hips against his. 

You were close, nowhere to go and not wanting to go anywhere. How you had made it here so quickly, you weren’t sure. Maybe it was the surroundings, how you potentially could get caught. Maybe it was because your partner - husband - just knew you so well. 

His eyes didn’t want to leave you as they admired the flushed skin you were beginning to show and the gleaming, plush lips that you were rolling into your mouth to hide your pleasure. 

“That’s it, fuck me,” his voice was hushed, quick in its delivery. “‘S wha’ it’s all about,” he hummed, as you rocked your hips over his. Knocking his head back against the headrest once more.

As he looked down his nose at you, he watched as your eyes fell to your navel, taking in each roll of your hips. Your expression dropped with realisation, slightly pained. “What’s wrong?”

Looking up at him, you wish you hadn’t. You wished you’d kept your eyes down to see the ripple of his abdomen each time your body flexed around him. That way it wasn’t doused in emotion, it was just raw pleasure that lived in your mind.

“We shouldn’t be doing this anymore. Needs to be the last time.”

A mix of a breathy laugh and scoff left his lips as he urged you to restart your hips that were starting to stall above him, “Bit late for tha’ now, don’t yer think?” 

Falling against him, you hid your face feeling his lips over the shell of your ear and against your hair. His hand gently stroked at your hair, lips moving to your temple and pressing affection kisses that did nothing but make you feel worse.

“Do you want t’stop? Mm?” He asked, feeling your hips so tight against his, but your core so open that he hoped you would say no. Widening his thighs he pressed his feet into the footwell, seeking momentum to meet your hips with his own.

“‘S okay to love me still,” he groused, feeling your chin tremble from his words. “‘S okay to let me love you still. This is okay, us just doing this is okay.” 

It wasn’t okay and he knew. He also knew everything he was saying - every single word - was just a way to satiate you. 

So, you let them. Swallowed the lump in your throat and inhaled deeply. 

His words were cut short as he groaned, “Sit up for me, fuck me properly.” 

Sitting yourself up, you felt the way Harry’s hands moved so that the backs of his fingers were smoothing against your lower stomach. Sweaty palm turned, he pressed it gently down your stomach and let his thumb finger your clit.

The softest frown hit your brow, as his thumb slowly rubbed in a downwards motion at your sensitivity. From his actions you felt a warmth pool around both him and you, Harry groaning appreciatively as he felt it too.

“Yeah,” he stressed the word as you gripped at his t-shirt which sat against his stomach. Cotton in handfuls as you scrunched the fabric. “‘S tha’ nice- good?”

You nodded.

“‘S it enough?”

You nodded with more fervour. Eyes holding his as you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and scratched along his right forearm as he continued to gently swipe at your wet clit.

The abruptness of the rock to your hips showed itself as the warmth within your belly grew. Eyes now hooded, you were unable to stop them from closing as your mouth parted to desperately say, “Don’t stop.”

And you didn’t know who you were talking to; yourself or Harry.

Harry responded with a moan so deep that you clenched down around him, causing his free hand to reach up and squeeze harshly against your hips. 

“‘M going to come so hard for you ‘f you keep doing that,” he gritted, breathing shallow as he felt his chest constrict. “Like tha’, just like that.”

His words were low, and like just moments before you weren’t sure if they were for him or you, but they had you moaning his name. Head dropping against his, his hand gripping at the back of your neck. 

With one hard roll of your hips, you cried out, forehead against his chin and mouth fallen. His hand squashed between your bodies as you shook and convulsed. 

Pliant for him, you were too dazed to move as you felt his arm wrap securely around your back and hold you to him, tight.

A merciless and repeated smack of his hips upwards, which you were sure would have the car rocking, made you aware of him seeking his release. He moaned your name, as he pulled you down to him, his orgasm shooting into you.

His heavy breathing was hot against your sweltering skin when you finally came to, his grunts melding into your neck as your core continued to flutter in the aftermath of your own release. 

His hands somewhat selfishly and most definitely greedily moved you against him, both crooning at the sensitive rush that met you before he lifted you to aid himself with slipping out.

Cold air met his sensitivity, as he nuzzled against you. Hand crawling up your back, under your shirt and feeling your damp skin peel away from his own as he moved his hand up and down. 

“Want to try out the back wi’me after this,” he hummed, brushing your hair off your face with his other hand. His words were heavy as they pressed into the skin of your cheek while he still tried to catch his breath.

As much as you knew you should, you didn’t even try to stop yourself from nodding.

***

Looking forward to hearing all of your thoughts! x

[miamlfy]

My Son

A/N: Omg I finally got this out, so sorry for how long it took me. School has been kicking my butt, which I’m sure many of you can understand. It has been draining all of my energy and motivation but I finally finished this. Please be patient with me, I am working very hard on your request (which are still open btw). Anyways, I apologies for any mistakes I didn't catch. 

Pairing: Draco Malfoy X Potter! Reader 

Summary: The Potters (and Draco) prepare for the upcoming school year at Diagon Alley and see the Malfoys there. (Continuation to Homemade Rings) 

Warnings: Lucius, None! Mostly fluff

Word Count: 1,7K 

Masterlist

Enjoy! 

(Not my gif, credit to whoever made it)

September first was coming up fast, which meant the you and your family, along with Draco were to go school shopping. Having Draco live with you was quite fun and he got along very well with your parents, as well as Harry. Draco and Harry have been sharing a room since Draco first came to stay with you and although they could be annoying and bother each other, they weren’t terrible roommates. 

Harry let Draco put up some posters in the bedroom and decorate part of the room to Draco’s liking. You, along with James and Lily, were glad they were getting along and sometimes they acted like best friends, which was great. You just hoped they kept that friendship when you all went back to Hogwarts. 

You woke up early, as well as everyone else to get a head start on shopping, everyone was in a cheerful mood besides you. You stayed up finishing any work given to you over the summer, as you quickly forgot about it when Draco moved in. You also did some of Harry’s work after you lost a bet to him early on in the summer. 

“Good morning sunshine.” Lily said, as you sat down. You let out a groan and filled up your plate with food. 

“Did you sleep?” Draco asked, whispering into you ear. You glared at him for a second and shook your head no. Just then, Harry comes down to the kitchen and sits down at the table, letting a very loud yawn while extending his arms outwards. 

“Good morning everyone.” Harry said, rather cheerfully. Your eyes were fixed on him as he placed food onto his plate. Looking up, he gave you an innocent smile, not budging with your killer glare. 

You ate your breakfast silently, your mind being too tired to process words. Once everyone finished, Harry and Draco were set to clean up and you took that opportunity to lay on the couch while your parents finished getting ready. 

However, what you thought would be a peaceful rest soon escalated to yells coming from the kitchen. 

“Draco you idiot, you don’t put normal dish soap into the dishwasher!” You heard Harry yell out. You sighed and turned on your side, hoping to block out his yells. 

“I’m not an idiot, I’ve never used one of these bloody things before,” You heard the dishwasher slam shut, “You’re the idiot for not telling me!” Draco yelled back. You flipped onto your other side, growing frustrated. 

More bickering had ensured between the two, you sat up and rubbed your eyes angrily, all you wanted was some damn sleep, was that so hard to get? Hearing your parents footsteps enter the living room, you stood up from the comfortable couch and dragged your feet to the fireplace. 

“Draco why are your clothes wet?” James asked, Draco simply pointed to Harry who was sporting dry clothes. James gave Harry a stern look while Lily dried Draco with a spell. 

Harry raised his hands up in protest, “In my defense, Draco asked what to use to dry the dishes and I told him to use his shirt, as a joke,” he said, emphasizing his last words, “I didn’t think he’d take me seriously.” You giggled a bit, Draco was still a bit clueless when it came to do things the ‘muggle way’. 

James merely shook his head and formed a line behind the fireplace, “Alright Y/n darling, you first.” He said. You nodded and entered, speaking the words ‘Diagon Alley’ as you threw floo powder. The others soon joined, one by one. 

Once everyone was together and made sure Harry didn’t mispronounce the words, you started making your way around through the crowded streets. Draco took your hand in his, being as this was your first time out in the wizarding world together, you now can show small gestures of your relationship to the public. 

Lily pulled out the list she made of all things everyone needed, “We should start by getting your textbooks and then from there go t— James!” Lily exclaimed, turning to face your dad, “We are not going to get new quidditch equipment, the kids don’t need new things and when did you add this?” 

“Not for them, for me.” James said, ignoring Lily’s questioned. Lily simply shook her head and lead everyone to Flourish and Blotts. 

You smiled lightly as you entered the shop, the smells of books always made you happy and sent you to a calm space. Most likely something you adapted from your uncle Remus. Still holding onto Draco, the two of you made your way around the shop squeezing your way through the growing crowd and getting all the textbooks you’ll be needing for the school year. 

“What classes are you excited for Draco?” You asked, running your hands on a books spine. 

“Potions no doubt and maybe helping Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing, I think that will really help me become a decent healer.” He answered. 

You smiled at his words, “You’ll make a fantastic healer Draco.” You placed a kiss on his cheek and found your parents and Harry preparing to pay. 

Once James managed to convince Lily, the five of you entered Quality Quidditch Supplies. A group of people were surrounded around this years new broomstick, your dad and Harry, along with Draco, joined those people. You walked around the shop with your mom and looked around, you were in no need of a new broom, you would forever be thankful for your uncle Sirius in gifting you the Firebolt for your thirteen birthday. 

Lily and you quickly left the shop once it started getting more full of people. You quickly spotted the boys and a very happy James who was holding a new Quidditch set, you heard Lily let out a sigh. 

“Did you really need another set, James?” She asked once James reached the two of you. 

“I tried stopping him mum, I really did.” Harry spoke in a non convincing tone, he most likely encouraged James. Draco raised his arms in defense and grabbed ahold of your hand. 

The five of you finished up your shopping and decided to end the day by eating dinner at a restaurant in London. Making your way out of Diagon Alley, you felt Draco freeze beside you and noticed his gaze was fixed on something. Following his eyes, you saw his parents who were standing outside a shop, not yet noticing the Potter family. 

Draco hasn’t spoken/seen his parents since the incident. Lucius and Narcissa knew he was now living with you and although your parents haven’t spoken directly to them to gain full custody of Draco, it was pretty clear that the Malfoy couple weren’t going to object to it. You looked over to your parents who were too engrossed in a shops window, Harry as well. 

Lucius and Narcissa must have noticed their son and were now making their way towards Draco and you. You squeezed Draco’s hand in reassurance, you felt him give a light squeeze back. 

Standing now in front of you, Lucius full stare was on Draco while Narcissa stared at you with cold eyes, feeling a sort of jealousy for taking her son away. 

“Draco.” Lucius spoke with a stern tone, “fancy seeing you here.” 

“Likewise, Father.” Draco replied sternly. 

“Didn’t expect you to fully commit into living with those people,” Lucius said in a disgusted tone, not caring if you were listening he continued to speak, “Thought by now you’d be done with the Potter girl and come back home, where you belong.”

Before Draco or you could respond to Lucius rather rude comment, you felt your parents presence next to yours. Lily wrapped her arm around yours in a protective manner and glared back at Narcissa, already entering momma bear mode. 

James now stood in front of Lucius, you knew your parents heard his disrespectful comment towards your family and James nor Lily were about to let it slide. 

“I’m sure Draco enjoys living with us and spending time with my daughter perfectly well,” James spoke up, “there was no need for your rude words, especially towards my daughter.” 

Lucius eyes shifted from Draco to James, “I simply want my son to return home, his mother and I both miss him dearly.” Both James and Draco scoffed at his words. 

“If you two missed me so much then why didn’t you send a letter or rather yet, treated me better when I did live with you?” Draco questioned. 

“Draco we just want you back home and back with us, you can even continue to see the Potter girl.” Narcissa said desperately. 

Lily scoffed and shook her head, “My daughter has a name you know and it’s Y/n.” Lily said, growing angry. 

Draco ignored his mothers words letting James place a hand on his shoulder and speak once more, “You let Draco decide his choice the minute you raised your hand at him, Lucius. Draco is much of a son to me as Harry is and I will continue to treat him like one until the day I die. You lost that privilege, so don’t ever try to take my son away from me. I’m sure the ministry would love to hear more about this, does Wednesday work for you?” Lucius scowl grew larger by every word James spoke and let out a ‘very well’. 

“That settles it then,” James turned to face Draco, “how does eating a muggle restaurant sound? I’m sure Lily knows a perfect one.” 

“That sounds great.” Draco replied and took your hand in his and began walking away, Harry following the two of you. 

“It was awful seeing you here, Lucius. I’ll set up a meeting for Wednesday.” James wrapped his arm around Lily and walked off following his kids. 

“Did you really mean what you said?” Lily asked him. 

“Of course I did, Draco deserves to feel loved and we will do that until the very end.” Lily smiled at his words and nodded. 

“You know James, you’re kind of hot when you get all mad and a turn into an overprotective dad.” 

James smirked, “Kind of? Don’t you mean very.” 

“Sure James, sure.” James leaned down to kiss Lily, soon gags were heard from ahead of them. 

“Can you guys stop snogging and hurry up?!” You yelled out, “My stomach keeps get growling!” 

Lily sighed and laughed, “Coming!” She yelled back. 

“Oh that’s definitely something you’ll be saying tonight.” James whispered into her ear, “OW!” 

[snitches-at-dawn]

draco fucking malfoy pt 2 || d.m.

a/n: thank you all so much for the gorgeous reception you gave part one of this fic- it honestly means the world to me.

this fic is a fair bit longer than the first part, mainly because i didn’t really want to drag this onto 3 or 4 parts.

this is specifically for the wonderful nonnie who asked me for a part two and a happy ending, i am sorry this is bittersweet instead of happy like you had requested. to make up for that, i’ll be posting a small happy alternative ending in a reply to your comment just for you titled “Draco Fucking Malfoy Pt 2 - Alternative Ending”

i finished it a bit early so i thought i’d post it now and the alt ending later around 1pm pst.

i hope you all like this and are safe, wherever you are. 

word count- 3.1k

part 1 to draco fucking malfoy

alternative ending

“nope. nope nope nope nope nope,” you said repeatedly to yourself as you continued pacing up and down your room, as if the combination of the words and actions could change the name on your left wrist. a soft knock on the door made you stop your pacing. you heard hermione’s excited voice float across, “(y/n), have you got a name yet?”

“fuck me,” you groaned and put your head in your hands wondering how harry would take this news. your best friend had a hard enough time adjusting to draco when you were dating, you had no idea how he’d take the news of having to deal with him for the rest of your lives. you remembered his reaction when you told him that draco had asked you out in your fourth year before the triwizard tournament.

~flashback~

“erm...harry?” you said nervously as you entered his dorm.

“i know, (y/n), i just need five minutes then we can go for dinner,” he replied as he rummaged through his trunk for something.

“not that,” you said, “can we talk?”

“sure,” he said distractedly, waving towards the foot of his bed indicating that you should take a seat, where you dutifully perched yourself.

“so erm, draco malfoy asked me out,” you rushed out, fiddling with the sleeve of your sweater.

“bit early for a hallowe’en prank isn’t it?” he laughed.

“harry. i’m not kidding. he asked me out,” you said more confidently this time.

harry stilled and then swivelled around to face you, “say that again.”

“draco asked me out.”

“are you having me on?” his voice was suspicious.

you shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ears so harry could look into your eyes and see that you weren’t joking and you repeated, “draco asked me out.”

“draco?” harry asked incredulously, “since when do we call malfoy ‘draco’? and what d’you mean he asked you out? why would he ask you out? you’ve never even spoken!”

“erm well actually, remember how last year you couldn’t come to hogsmeade,” you paused as he nodded, “well at some point it started snowing really hard i lost ron and hermione, so i went into madam puddifoot’s to find someone else to walk back with because the three broomsticks was empty, but draco was the only other student there. everyone else had left by then, i guess.

“well, we ended up walking back together and he told me he had been stood up by daphne greengrass. it was a bit awkward at first- i didn’t know how to comfort him really. he changed the topic soon enough to quidditch and he turned out to be nice and we got along well enough. then i started seeing him everywhere. he was talking to me at every party, sitting next to me in potions once in a while, walking down to care of magical creatures, that sort of thing. we sort of became... friends,” you trailed off as you saw harry wanted to speak.

“and how come neither of ron, hermione or i realised? i think we would have known if you were talking to someone we all hate- or hated in your case.”

“hermione did. she and i started spending alot of time together because of her fight with ron- that’s when we got close. she’s known about us since the first day we spoke actually- she’s been... surprisingly supportive. you were so preoccupied with the whole sirius situation you didn’t notice which was totally understandable of course and she agreed that telling you would only wind you up. ron... well- ron’s just always been a bit oblivious,” you answered.

harry grunted.

“right well, we just ended up spending alot of time together last year and wrote to each other a fair bit over the summer. at some point we started liking each other i guess,” you shrugged.

harry looked at you sharply, “you fancy him then?” to which you nodded.

“hang on- is that where you snuck off as soon as we got to the world cup campsite? when you showed up near the bulgarian’s site? the three of us reckoned you had got lost or something.”

“yeah, we had planned to meet up in front of his tent weeks before.” you said fondly, “that’s where he told me he fancies me and-”

“alright i don’t need to know if you snogged there,” he interrupted you hastily but your blush gave you away, “oh c’mon (y/n), you snogged him?”

“no,” you heatedly replied, “we just kissed.”

“you couldn’t have found any other boy, (y/n)? you have a line of boys who’d line up to date you. merlin’s sake you don’t even have to look outside my dorm- seamus and neville would kill for a shot at you.”

you scoffed, “they only like me because i play quidditch. draco,” you voice softened, “draco likes me for the music i listen to, my sarcasm, my horrid jokes and all the stuff that annoys most people.”

he sat down wearily next to you, “and you really like him?”

once again you nodded.

seeing he looked just as bewildered by your choice you said, “look it won’t be long. i’m a half blood. there’s no way his parents will let us date long once they find out.”

harry considered this for a moment. he sighed, “well, that’s true. go on then. he’d better treat you alright, (y/n). i’m not having him screwing with my best friend,” and he slung his arm around your shoulder.

“with any luck he’ll be screwing your best friend rather than screwing wit-”

“yeah just don’t tell me about your sex life alright?” he interrupted you again.

you hugged him hard, “thank you for understanding, harry. i know you can’t be too happy with your best friend crushing on someone you hate.”

he awkwardly patted your head in acknowledgment. 

hermione walked in to see you laughing at the pathetic irony of your situation. looking at you confused, “(y/n)? who is it?”

“draco fucking malfoy,” you mumbled from between your hands which covered your face.

“come again?”

you sighed and put your hands on the bed on either side of you.

“it’s draco,” you exhaled

hermione laughed too, “no really, who is it?”

resignedly you showed her your wrist. her face fell, “no.”

“my thoughts exactly. it’s like some kind of cosmic joke.”

“what are you going to do?” she asked.

“commit murder possibly,” you said marching out of your dorm and to harry’s ignoring her calling your name, presumably trying to talk some sense into you.

“the map. give me the map,” you snapped at harry once you had barged into his dorm, ignoring the other boys crowding around you asking who your soulmate was.

“why? who’s your soulmate?” harry asked.

you shoved your wrist under his nose. he stared in shock, “i don’t know whether to feel bad for you or laugh at you.”

“you’ll give me the fucking map unless you want me to hex you into next year.”

he produced the marauders’ map from the depths of his trunk which you snatched and proceeded to exit the room once again to the sound of your name.

“oi! (y/n)!)” harry called again jogging after you.

“what?”

“why d’you want the map?”

“i need to talk to him,” you replied.

harry nodded, understandingly but called after you when you had turned around.

“what?” you asked more irately this time.

he hesitated, “(y/n) don’t- don’t do anything stupid. as much as i’d love for you to hex him till his mum couldn’t recognise him-  he is your soulmate whether you like it or not. even though we all hate him, he’s who you’ll spend your life with. don’t say anything you’ll regret in the future.”

a small smile tugged at your lips, “i thought i was supposed to get wiser when i got older.”

turning you attention back to the map, you saw the little dot labelled ‘draco malfoy’ in the girl’s lavatory on the second floor and purposefully stalked out of the gryffindor tower to moaning myrtle’s bathroom, not even wondering why he was in the girl’s lavatory.

you didn’t even remember the walk down, just how blindingly angry you felt. angry at the universe. angry at harry for not stopping you from dating him two years ago. angry at draco for not telling you why he broke things off. angry at draco for being your soulmate. angry at... you weren’t angry at draco for being your soulmate. 

you saw a flash of platinum blonde hair in the mirror you stood in front of, and whirled around.

he was leaning against the wall behind you, watching you with calculating eyes as he tried to predict your next move.

your rage re-surfaced as you walked across the bathroom to him, shoes squelching and robes dragging in the standing water until you stood so close to him your noses were almost touching.

“you,” you said with as much disgust as you could muster in your voice.

“yes?” draco asked pleasantly as though you had said his name to get his attention.

“fix it.”

“fix what, darling?”

you stabbed your wand into his chest, “don’t you call me darling you prick.”

“alright. what d’you want me to fix?”

you had started to walk away from him but spun around at that question, “what d’you mean ‘what d’you want me to fix’?” for the third time that hour, you shoved your wrist under someone’s nose.

“this,” you hissed, “fix this.”

“and how can i fix this?” he asked, baring his own wrist to you.

something about seeing your name on his wrist made your anger concentrate into a tiny ball in the center of your chest, rather than the disorganised feeling you had earlier, and you felt your head clear a bit.

“there’s some kind of mistake. we’ll go to mcgonagall tomorrow and have her arrange for us to get to the ministry so we can get this sorted out,” you said in that same low voice you had used that night on the astronomy tower. your mind was racing as you muttered under your breath, trying to think of ways to break the bond you had forced on you.

“(y/n).”

your attention shifted to draco who was standing right next to you.

“(y/n), do you really think this is a mistake? i mean really? we were amazing together. yeah our parents didn’t like it, yeah we had alot of people talking about us, but that didn’t affect us,” he said. when you didn’t respond he continued, “we were good for each other. i calmed you down when your temper flared up. you’d keep me in check if i started bullying someone. we worked together to get better in our classes and it worked well. we made each other better in every way.”

“yeah we did work well, until you dumped me for no reason. it’s been three months and i still have no idea why you up and left. if things were as peachy as you make them sound, then why the fuck would you get out of the relationship?”

you didn’t know how to address him. ‘draco’ was too familiar and ‘malfoy’ was too distant.

he shrugged and returned to the wall he had been leaning against.

with the moonlight bouncing off his white hair, the water just covering the soles of his shoes and the way his robes were draped around him, he looked like some kind of ethereal spirit floating an inch above the ground.

you hated that.

draco seemed lost in his own thoughts, so you jerked him back to focus on you by snapping your fingers, “well?”

he laughed lowly, “you wouldn’t believe me if i told you, my darling.”

“try me.”

as he looked at you, you could see the cogs turning in his brain, considering your words and the ramifications of telling you whatever the reason was. 

the right cog must have clicked in place.

“promise me you won’t judge me.”

“no.”

“(y/n), i’m not kidding,” he said wearily.

“nor am i.”

in response to his silence you continued, “ i reserve the right to judge you after how you dumped me.”

his face contorted in anger. “fine,” he snapped, “fine.”

he moved towards you and wrenched up his left sleeve for you to see his arm. the dark mark. the dark mark ruining his alabaster skin.

“there. that’s why i broke up with you,” he spat.

his voice was deadly quiet and shaking.

“no,” you whispered, all the anger seeping out of your body. your hands grabbed his arm of your own volition and made as though they were trying to wipe off the mark as though it were drawn on.

it wasn’t.

“no, you’re just sixteen you aren’t even of age. there’s no way this is real,” the last sentence was posed more like a question which you looked at him to confirm.

he nodded, “it’s real.”

“did... were you forced?”

he extricated his arm from your grip and let his sleeve fall back down,  silently watched you, gauging your reaction.

“draco...” your voice trailed off. you had no idea what to say. or what you wanted to say.

after a few moments of silence he said, “i have to kill dumbledore.” his voice was quivering again.

you looked at him in abject horror.

“what?”

he nodded and leaned over the sink, choking out through sobs, “with dad in azkaban... he would have killed mum if i hadn’t take the mark when i did. i did what i had to. now i have to finish off the job and he’ll... he might spare mum.”

your mouth was agape, your brain sluggish.

“that’s why i broke up with you. i knew i’d have to take it over the summer. it was easier to have you hate me than love me; it wouldn’t make you a target.”

everything made sense now- why he looked so sleep deprived the week leading up to your break up, why he was so evasive and jumpy after the article in the daily prophet publicising his dad’s arrest.

you tentatively turned him around and when he didn’t resist, you reached out to touch his face. he leaned into the touch and you pulled him into you. your arms around his neck with his face buried in the crook of yours, this situation felt comfortingly familiar- at least it would have been if his shoulders weren’t shaking with silent sobs.

you couldn’t seem to feel any of the resentment that you had felt towards him for the last three months anymore as you stroked the nape of his neck in an attempt to calm him down. you just wanted to protect him. hide him from the cruel world and to let him breathe.

you guided him to the corner of the bathroom, drying the floor with a murmured incantation before sitting the both of you down.

“there’s going to be a war, (y/n),” draco said into your neck with his arms wrapped around your waist as you held him protectively.

“i know,” you whispered back.

“your side will lose, darling, he’s too strong. if you’re it for me, you’re the one i’m to be with, i need you alive after this war. hell, even if you weren’t it for me, i’d still ask you to come to his side.”

“draco,” you exhaled softly looking at him, “you know that isn’t possible. harry-” your voice trailed off.

what would you tell harry? would you tell him about draco’s mission? you shook your head. harry was a problem for later. right now, draco needed you.

“leave him,” he said hoarsely, gripping your wrists, “i know he’s your best friend but (y/n), you can’t die on me. i refuse to let that happen.”

“oh darling,” your voice broke as your stroked his face.

the both of you sat there, intertwined for a few silent seconds before you pulled draco against your front as you leaned against the wall.

“doesn’t this feel familiar?”

draco laughed softly, “i couldn’t count the number of nights we spent like this on the astronomy tower if i tried.”

“let’s be there then. let’s forget all the prophecy bullshit and who’s going to win the war. let’s be a couple of fifteen year olds again, yeah? fill me in on the last few months, sweetheart.”

“i don’t want to be fifteen again.”

you smiled internally that he was playing along with your ploy to distract him.

“alright,” you stroked his hair, “we can be sixteen in an alternate universe. we’re still together and we haven’t got our soulmate marks yet. how’s that?”

his nose wrinkled, “is that from the crap muggle book you tried getting me to read last year?”

“so you were listening to me!” you laughed.

“i always listened to you.”

“i’ll listen to you now. let’s be sixteen in an alternate universe with no war. tell me about your last three months, love.”

draco filled you in on the time you had spent apart, all the light and happy things- not the significant and dark stuff.

you were only half listening. your mind was in overdrive as you thought about how to extricate him from the mess he had been thrust into by his father’s incompetence to keep himself from getting caught by the ministry. 

maybe you’d convince draco to defect and to go to dumbledore for help. dumbledore wouldn’t turn him away.

if that didn’t work, you’d force him into hiding somewhere, somehow. if it meant using the imperius curse on him, so be it. he wasn’t having his soul ripped to pieces at sixteen. 

how had this happened? an hour ago you would have jumped at a chance to ridicule him, harm him - anything to make him feel the hurt you felt for three months. you had marched to him with the intent of somehow getting your soulmate changed, consequences be damned. now all you could think about was how cruel the world had been to the boy in your arms, how unfair it had been. how you were hell bent on being his safe haven and hopefully the answer to his problems.

“let me in, (y/n),” he said knocking on your temporal bone lightly, calling on an old inside joke you had of letting each other into your thoughts when lost in them.

“it’s nothing important,” you dropped a kiss on his head, laughing at the irony of how a week ago in a conversation with harry, ‘nothing important’ referred to him.

you pulled him closer to you and asked, “so what did narcissa say after that?”

as he continued his narration of a painful dinner he had had to sit through, you pushed every thought to the back of your mind.

reality was a problem for tomorrow.

right now was about draco.

draco fucking malfoy.

tag list-

@chaotic-fae-queen​

@champagneand-strawberries​

@booknerd-3000​

[fuckingthefictional]

heya, i really like all your fan fictions and i was wondering if you could do another johnny goodman x reader where the reader is val’s daughter?? you can do any plot line you like i just think it could be a good concept :)

A/N- I did a blurb because I’m lazy, there is a small fix coming soon (hopefully) that’s of Jonny x reader meeting for the first time since childhood :)

Let’s begin.

Obviously out of you, Adam and Jonny- Adam was the oldest.

You were born 5 months after Jonny- making you the youngest.

Something that Jonny takes great joy in reminding you of

“I’m literally less than half a year younger than you it’s not that much of a gap.”

“Aw wittle baby Y/N- OW”

Because you’re Val’s daighter, you grew up calling Jackie your aunty and Martin your uncle.

Speaking of which you and Martin have a special bond.

He never mentions it- but he always did want a daughter, someone who he could be fiercely protective of.

So when you came along- with no dad- it seemed like a god given gift.

Val and Jackie were always annoyed because you preferred your uncle Martin to them.

Whenever the Goodman’s babysat you as a small baby, you’d always end up sharing a crib with Jonny

There are so many pictures of you both cuddled up, fast asleep when you were babies

You took your first steps together too

Only then to be knocked over by Adam who was jealous of the lack of attention

Adam was definitely like your big brother

Like he would tease the shit out of you. But if someone else did it- then so help them god.

But also like not really because he’s a midget

At age 4 you and Jonny got “married” in the back garden with Adam as the rabbi.

“Are you sure you don’t want to marry me?”

“Stop it Adam- Shes my girlfriend!”

Adams always sort of been the third wheel- like he’s just always be that.

Wedding—>Rabbi

Princesses and Knights—> dragon

House—> family dog

Mermaids and Pirates—> parrot

And then you finally started at primary school.

On the first day you and Jonny walked in dressed up in your uniforms and holding hands

And even though you both made new friends- you were still each other’s best friends

And that carried on all through highschool

Even when you both got your first boyfriends and girlfriend

Despite the fact that you both felt suuuuper jealous whenever you saw eachother with different people

And then the so called ‘blessing in disguise’ (as called by Jackie and your mum) occurred

Which was basically the time when you were both at Uni that you got suuuper pissed at freshers week and shared your first kiss

As well as another first ;)

Don’t worry you guys wore a sheath

Cue waking up in the morning with a lack of clothes, hungover and completely and utterly mortified

Why was it a blessing you may ask: because it finally got you both to start admitting your feelings for eachother

Aka it kickstarted your relationship off.

And from then on out you started getting even closer

Until eventually he just cracked.

During a Friday night dinner

In front of everyone

“I love you.”

And you just sort of looked at him in shock

As he scarpered as far away as he could

Which of course meant you racing after him

“Oh good- more scraps for me then!”

“Martin!”

You found him outside attempting to unlock his car- which obviously refused to open.

“J, for the love of god- WAIT.”

“What?”

“You never gave me a chance to say it back- I love you too, more than friends and I have for a while.”

“You’re taking pity on me.”

CUE KISS

“Okay maybe you weren’t”

“You know I wasn’t.”

From then on you too began dating

It wasn’t long before you guys both moved in together

And even though you loved your mum, you decided to wait a little while before breaking the news.

Because we all know how dramatic she is.

You guys have such stupid convos about the most random things

“J, what would your weapon of choice be in a zombie apocalypse?”

“The power of love- As long as I’ve got you by my side I’ll be okay-“

“So you’d basically just kamikaze? Hmm interesting...”

That was one of the best parts of your relationship.

It was light, happy and you could joke with one another.

You managed to convince him to get a control tattoo

Which makes Jackie a lot happier

Also can I just say your sex life would be amazing like hot damn

Car sex

Shower sex

But seriously it would be so loving and sweet

Also Jonny never fails to cheer you up.

Like if you’re feeling sad? you bet your ass that he’ll order your fave takeaway and put on your fave film.

Angry from a bad day at work? Hot bubble bath and snuggles.

On your period? Chocolate, hot water bottles and massages.

Jonny’s the best in all terrains at life.

Basically all in all Jonny loves you

You love him

And he’s the best thing that could’ve ever happened to you :)))

[mimithings97]

Wine and Cheese Nights (M)

Summary: Kicking back and relaxing to the sweet sweet burn of red wine and the even harsher sting of soft touches from your boyfriend, spells for cheesy conversation and great sex.

Pairing: Jungkook x Y/N

Genre: Domestic AU, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Unprotected Sex, Fingering, Handjob, Jungkook cumming in his pants, Dry humping, Swearing, Alchohol Consumption, Creampie, Hair pulling

Word Count: 6k

A/N: I legit started writing this when Jungkook got pissed on vlive, and I just never came back to it. It’s kinda cute tho. And now I’m beginning to realise I think I have a thing for making guys cum in their pants. Pls forgive me.

“Guk?” It’s a shout stretched across the wall between the both of you as you bend to be at eye level with the rack of wines.

You hear a vague mumble as an indication of his acknowledgement at your question.

“What are we going for, white or red?” You look amongst the choice, red wines littering your view whilst to your left, the glow of the fridge shows the selection of whites. Your palette is contemplating which would be most appropriate. The cool, refreshing sensation a white would bring or the richness that calms at the bottom of your stomach with a red. 

The contemplation when your boyfriend fails to reply is noted.

“I bought a couple of reds yesterday that we could give a go.” It comes as more of a statement than a question, albeit unintentionally, but it clearly shows that your subconscious is craving the feeling red wine brings.

“Oh, go on then. The Portuguese one though, I wanted to give it a try.” 

Automatic hands found themselves already taking Kook’s preferred option before he had issued it, so giving the label a once over and grabbing the two glasses you had already fished out of the cupboard, you round the corner into the living room. 

There was something about red wine and cheese by the fire, something that evaporated the chill from your body and spread a warm calmness through you. You knew the wine would cause a blush to your cheeks, and his. It would cause his touches to feel like a blanket of molten lava all over and the room to dissipate into background music and aimless conversation.

Guk was crouched, hair dishevelled and serene demeanour, attending to the fire that licked orange and red hues around the room and immediately heated the exposed skin on your legs and arms. 

The sight was pure homeliness. Him, dressed in a black buttoned up shirt, loosened at the first few buttons and sleeves rolled, with joggers, and you in merely a grey top, the cotton long enough to reach the middle of your thighs. It was comfort and carefree all at once.

Your uncovered feet found the softness of the blanket underneath once through the archway to the living area, and the back of your exposed thighs soon found the same fate on the leather sofa, heated by the glow of the fire your boyfriend still prodded and probed to his liking. 

The familiar creak of the cork against the bottle, followed by the pop as it was released, prompted Jungkook to finally join you. 

“Mmm,” sinking into the sofa beside you he mirrored how you leaned forwards, watching the wine chug into either glass, with a desire in his eyes.

“Which one is this again. The Porto?” He grabs at the bottle once you place it down giving the label a once over whilst you mumble a ‘yeh’.

You lean back, glass to lips, cool rim to heated skin, and take a sip, too eager to feel the slow burning warmth down your throat.

It doesn’t disappoint and as you take another sip you see Jungkook mirroring you, heads tipped back as the wine fills the gaps of tiredness with a comfortability instead.

“Shit,” he breathes out against the glass, finally leaning back against the sofa, eye level with you now as you smile at his reactions, eyes closed and throat bobbing with the sweet burn of alcohol that sets ablaze his cheeks almost instantly. 

“It’s good, isn’t it.”

“Mmm,” lifting his arm and nestling it in behind your neck to pull you against him, head on shoulder, as he hums his reply. 

“Your mum recommended it to me, actually.” You can’t see his eyes, but you sense the lift in them as he listens fondly, “said her and your dad found it when they went on holiday a couple of years ago and only just discovered they sell it in Korea.”

His hand strokes under the cotton of your sleeve, pulling you ever closer so he can place a kiss at the crown of your head between the messy stands that litter across your face, as you raise the glass to your lips.

It was one of those nights, those few nights of ease and tranquillity with little to nothing for distraction other than the others company. These moments came sparsely - him off venturing into alternate continents and even once home, you were often working in the evenings, digging into you wine and cheese nights with back straining work. So, when these moments came, like hell did they taste sweeter. 

He mumbles into your hair, kissing against your temple once he’s spoken but the words weren’t clear.

“Hmm?” 

He lifts himself to distinguish his words.

“Mum’s always had good taste.” He pauses a little before laughing breathily. “Why d’you think I’m a wine guy and not a beer one?” 

You turn to him to see that smile. That smile of adoration that speaks volumes.

“Shut up, you like beer. We always drink beer.” Surely he hadn't been lying with you just to appease your constant thirst for the cool alcohol. But his hand rises up to your cheek to thumb the crease that sets in between your brows as you frown at his lies and it fucking annoys you that it disappears instantly.

“Baby, I only drink beer because you like beer.” Prick. Literally the man begins chuckling to himself at your dismay, taking a final sip of his wine to finish his glass before he leans into the table in front to pour himself another.

“No... You drink beer with the guys as well.”

He leans out of you touch so when he leans back you throw your uncovered legs over his lap, him grabbing gently at your calves and feeling at the soft skin with his coarse fingertips.

“Yeh, but wine does something to you that beer doesn’t. Everything feels...” you watch him as he finds the words, “romantic.”

Cringy bastard is all you can think to yourself and the chuckle at him isn’t suppressed, as he rests his head back to reveal his jaw, sensing, with the flush of his cheeks, that the wash of alcohol had spread to his head already. 

Jungkook was never much of a drinker. But you always had revelled in that fact, how whenever you drunk together it was his full exposed self, transparent and candid, completely and utterly at your disposal. Perhaps wine was romantic then - it pushed all logic behind, all the ‘i love yous’ that you held back for inappropriateness or for fear of rejection were spilt. That’s what made wine and cheese nights so fucking good.

Mirroring him, you lean back into the arm of the sofa, head nestled comfortably in the cushions as your boyfriend's administrations up and down your legs sets goosebumps into your skin. You bask in the feeling with eyes drifting shut, and you fail to see the way Kook gazes at you. He maps yous face with his eyes whilst the wine eases down his throat. The way your sprawled hair reflects the red of the fire, the way your top hangs loosely and awkwardly around your neck to expose your protruding collar bones and the way that, despite the surrounding warmth of the fire, your nipple peek through your top. It’s only love and admiration in his eyes, and maybe they linger a bit on the perk in your top but he’s keeping that one to himself.

“You look pretty when you drink wine.” The smile that was already twitching the corners of your mouth up wipes fully across your face at his statement, one eye opening to see how he gazes at you with a toothy smile of his own.

“Hmm, and you get cringy when you drink wine.” You relax further into his touch as he laughs openly and you both finish the remnants of your glasses. He takes yours from you hold and places it on the table in front, not filling up for another but leaning back, knees bent now so your legs were lifted up to his chest.

He places a kiss, gently and slowly, on either ankle.

“Not cringy... romantic.” He traces his hand up the complete expanse of your legs now, thighs newly exposed from where the angle of your legs had ushered the material of your shirt down to your waist. 

“You always told me you were never one for romance though.” It’s a smug statement, a recollection of how you pined and pined for the boy who was all work and one nighters until the sex just wasn’t enough with you. The first woman to be loved by the great Jeon Jungkook wasn’t such a bad title to have.

That smirk that you paint only extends as you see his inner battle, leaning up and forward now into his hold on you.

“Shut up and give me a kiss.” He lowers your legs as he leans in and his hold on your waist becomes comforting, not desperate or hugely lustful but warm, romantic at a push. 

The contact is brief, his lips brushing softly over yours for a second or so before he brings a hand to your cheek. His thumb paves a line from your jaw to your lip, tracing over the smile that now takes hold. 

“D’you want another glass?” 

He barely thinks over it, instead, nestling his head into your neck and pulling you over his so you have legs either side of his, encasing the warmth of your bodies in a tight embrace.

“No, just stay here for a while,” and it’s a murmur that heats the soft skin of your neck. 

You do just that, stay in his hold, your hands threading into the hairs at the back of his neck and nails tracing the line between hair and skin. Slow hands wander under your top and stroke patterns across the expanse of your back. The wine causes a buzz in your head, a comfortable one that makes his touch more apparent, the feeling of his fingertips on you more vivid and you find yourself with your chin on his head, his hair tickling at that part between your neck and your jaw that has always been oh so overly sensitive.

“Baby, your hairs got long.” You pull at his roots with your hands and tug it outwards, examining just how long the strands have become since you last saw him.

“Mmm.” Is the sleepy response thrown your way, or perhaps he’s just absorbed in your touch and the feeling of such close proximity.

“It’s curly too.” 

You had never been able to fully appreciate the curl of his hair because it would only take shape once his locks were grown out. But now, with that strands long enough, his hair would bend and wave after a shower or once he had been sweating. It was unruly, but it was natural and you loved it. He didn’t think you would like him growing out his hair, but once he knew you did he spoke of how he would grow it until you could plait it, a fantasy that was spoken between the drunken giggle of another wine and cheese night.

You nestle further into his touch once releasing his hair, letting it flop down in various directions. 

“When we’re old...”

You automatically feel him smile into your neck at your words,

“... you should let it get long enough so you can tie it up...

“Mmhmm?” 

“... put it in a bun on top of your head and get your fridge out of your face so I can see your eyes.”

He pushes you back by the waist and leans his head off your shoulder, mouth wide in smile and eyes full of some kind of emotion you can’t pinpoint. 

“But you can see my eyes now.” 

And it’s true. Despite some strands falling into his eyelashes you can still see the emotion in the way he looks at you with his eyes. Windows to the soul that express far more than words could right now. For however long, you are swallowed into the abyss of the way he looks at you, complete absorbed in those few seconds of silence. Almost trance like.

He breaks it with a kiss to your cheek, short but full of sweetness. You laugh at how lost you had become in the previous few seconds, remembering how your conversation before was merely a fantasy of his hair.

“I just thought it’d be hot.” 

He rounds your face with his lips to kiss the other cheek.

“Mmm, so you think I’m hot.”

You let your laugh come to the surface, whilst he watches you, grins on full display.

“I mean, you have your moments.” He kisses your lips, this time, teeth clashing as your smiles fail to subside. 

This is wine and cheese nights, cheese not being the food, because, as if either of you were actually that posh. No, you called them wine and cheese nights because it was one of those few evenings you allowed yourself to indulge in romance, in the sticky, cringy, bliss, of being romantically and disgustingly in love. In a relationship that for the most part had to be concealed from the ordinary, public eye, wine and cheese nights allowed for the frankness of love.

“Are you sure that’s not the wine talking?” He mumbles into the kiss.

“Piss off and kiss me back.” You hands that were laid against his neck press with purpose now so he is pushed forwards into your lips, chuckling into it at your insistence. 

He hums into it once your lips move in the same way your hands go up and down his neck, nails and all.

There’s something about having his body so close, being lost in his touch that sends pangs of warmth through the expanse of your body and sends your mind wandering. 

You pull away but instead place soft kisses down his jaw and onto his neck with slow movements, your tongue occasionally pressing swipes into his skin and tasting the salty flush of his skin. 

“You’re always hot, wine or no wine.”

His hands move from their gentle movements at the expense of your back to your side, grasping tighter and firmer at the skin than before.

“You think?” He’s finishing for your words of flattery, his ego speaking up whilst you begin teasing at his neck with your teeth.

“Mmhmm...” strong hands roams your thighs now, fingers on bare skin making the action all the more tantalizing.

“...when you push your hair back,” you switch to the other side of his neck, whilst one hand reaches up to his forehead and grabs at the hair of his fringe to push it away whilst gently tugging and teasing at the strands.

“...mmm, when you take your shirt off from the back, you know, where you pull it with one hand over your head.” You can just envision him doing it now and it causes your hips to stutter the slightest roll into his crotch. 

His body is slack at this point, completely overtaken by the sensations you are putting on his body, you lips tight to his neck, hands grappling at his hair, hips grinding slowly into his. You feel his head completely lean back into your hand, and a breathy groan escapes him lowly.

You smile at his neck and lean off to see him, hair dishevelled under your hands and eyes closed. You give his fringe another pull so his throat is completely exposed and his groan is louder this time.

“... the way you love when I pull your hair.” 

You attack the junction of his neck, where his adam’s apple now bobs from how he tries to compose his breathing, kissing and sucking with vigour.

“You find that h-hot?” The question is all to breathy and low to hide how affected he is.

“Fuck, Guk, it’s so hot.” You accompany your words with another harsh tug and his response is instant, the grip he has on your hips digging in firmer and pushing you into his half hard crotch.

You love how aroused he is under your touch though, wanting him to submit further. You unlatch your lips and lean back, his eyes finally opening when he feels your hands grab at his. His expression is laced with confusion and curiosity when you guide his hands upwards, but his eyes turn purely lustful and dark when you settle his fingers into the hair at the back of your head, giving them a guiding pull at the roots to show him explicitly what you want.

There’s a brief twitch at the side of his mouth, a slight smirk before he is overcome by the sensation of your hips on his, your shirt bunched up so it is your skin is on his trousers. With a pull of your hair, his lips are on yours, hard and messy, both pushing your weight forward so there isn’t a space between you. 

He emits a groan when you shift your weight further onto his crotch and it causes you to smile into the kiss, an action he diminishes by biting into your bottom lip, hard, and groaning once again. 

Jungkook has never been good at telling you what he wants, conceding to patience and taking things slow, so by the way he pulls at your hair and pushes his hips up into yours, you know just how turned on he is, how much he wants to just fuck you on the sofa right now.

You can sense the shift in dominance at this point, with all his eagerness showing. His hips are now the ones taking control from underneath you, his hands being more insistent in your hair and his lips taking full advantage of how your head is thrown back and neck fully exposed. You indulge in the feeling for a moment, let him take over your body and devour every part of you. The sensation of his erection underneath you, pushing up into your clothed core makes you desire more, makes low moans spill from your mouth and makes your hips grind into his.

His head retracts from your neck and your eyes creep open to find his watching the movement of your hips against his, the way you circle against his crotch. He keeps one hand at your hair, no longer pulling as he is lost in the feeling of your movements, whilst the other hand comes down to your hip, digging fingers into your hip bone for some kind of purchase.

“You’re gonna fucking kill me.” His gaze trails back up to yours and you watch each other breathing heavily, his fringe now beginning to stick to his head as the wear of his arousal forms on his forehead.

You half hum, half moan at his statement as the friction pools lust within your stomach and down to your core. It’s not enough to send you into overdrive, but the clothed movements make you horny beyond belief. 

His fucked out expression tells you he is in the same predicament, struggling to control his motions now as his erection becomes painfully hard underneath you.

“You make me so fucking turned on it's unreal.” He grunts it out as he uses his hand on your hip to anchor you as he almost fucks himself up into you. You lean forward and place your open mouth to his jaw, trying to control your moans and you breathing as his actions become faster and more desperate.

His lips attach to the spot where your neck and shoulder meet, sending vibrations into your skin when he groans at your hips meeting his rhythm. 

Subconsciously, one of your hands that was still latched into his hair for purchase, moves down over his shoulder, between your chests and down towards the spot where your hips meet. He doesn’t feel the movement until you grasp firmly at the outline of his erection through his trousers and the suddenness of your attack causes him to let out a moan into your skin.

“Fuck,” it’s a mere whisper as your hand is pressed down by your hips, giving extra friction that he clearly appreciates by the way his breath stutters and his forehead now presses to your shoulder.

“This is how turned on you are for me?” You whisper into his ear, breathy but seductive.

“Fuck y-yes.” 

Pushing down harder now, your hand increases its speed, tracing the outline of his hard on with bold fingers and your hips never falter their grind. 

“D’you think you could cum like this?” And you finish your question by biting down on his ear, causing him to emit a moan as his head bows further into your body.

“Y/N, I-I’m still in my fucking clothes-ahh,” you squeeze harder on his dick and he finished his sentence with a groan, loud, and higher pitched than before. 

Despite how turned on you are, how much you want to feel pleasure of your own, seeing your boyfriend needy underneath you is almost far more rewarding. The way he shivers against you every time your hand stretches to his tip, and how he can’t help the noises he spills.

“That’s never stopped you before.” He is unbelievably hard underneath your palm as your administrations torture him.

“Y/N, seriously I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop.” He says it with so little conviction you continue at a faster and harder pace, grinding your hips with vigour and pressing your chest into his.

“Tell me to stop then.”

You smile at his silence, still panting into his ear. 

Finally he responds, leaning back quickly and moving both hands to your hips to grab harshly and push you down further. 

“Fuck you.” It’s a mere whisper as he struggles to keep himself from cumming.

You lean off him once he has reclined back entirely, submitting to your movements and the pleasure you cause to coarse through him. He is completely fucked out, once you get a full view of him, sweat glueing hair to his forehead, eyes bloodshot from how tight he was squeezing them and mouth in a tight line as he swallows his moans down.

For a brief second, you release your hand, and to your satisfaction, he lets out stuttered whine, but after lifting it to your mouth to coat it in spit, your hand quickly finds its way through the layers of clothing and down against his cock. 

The contact immediately has his eyes blown out wide and leaning forward again to try and control himself from cumming straight away, forehead in between your breasts now. 

“Baby, just cum for me, stop holding back,” you say as you tighten your grip. He merely responds by shaking his head into you, knowing if he tried to tell you ‘no’ his reply would be nothing more than a whole hearted moan.

Your hand that was still at the back of his head weaves through his locks and tightens the strands into a fist, pulling his head up so it is level with yours, unable to subside the feelings anymore. 

“Fucking shit, Y/N,” your faces against one another, lips brushing as he breathes his words into your mouth, eyes screwed shut as your hand twists at the tip of his cock. 

You bite down on his bottom lip as he moans out loudly, tugging at his hair, hand pressing on his slit and the sensory overload causes his to cum into your hand.

“Fuck. D-dont stop.” And you don’t. Continue your firm grip up and down his length as he continues to spill into his trousers, hard, with moans and obscene words breathed against your mouth.  

Eventually, you release his lips as his shivering body subsides into a slump and he lowers his head back down to regain his breath, simultaneously, softening in your hand. 

It’s now, in his post orgasm bliss that you feel the mess he’s made in his trousers. It’s warm but so fucking unpleasant, so you collect as much as you can in your hand before finally releasing him, causing him to whine out as his softening erection is exposed to the cold.

The way he shivers, the grip on your hip twitching and his stuttered breath causes you to plant soft kisses on the top of his head.

“You good?” You mumble it into his hair.

You feel his body shake, not from the aftermath of his orgasm, but from the laugh that bubbles up in his throat. He lifts his head now, somewhat recovered from the exertion of how much he came, eyes lit in a smile once they meet yours.

“You’ve messed up my favourite trousers,” he says with a half hearted laugh as he throws his head back and you smile at his reaction. 

With bodies to some degree unattached, you pull your hand up, still coated in his cum.

“Yeh? Well you messed up my hand, you dick.” He looks down to where your hand is, head still thrown back and his face distorts in disgust.

“Urgh, I need to go wash up,” but despite his sentence he fails to move, and you weren’t going to let up either, that ache still burning at the bottom of your stomach, yearning for release. 

Now though, you begin to feel his cum dry on your hand, so with little to no delicacy you grab at the sides of you shirt which hangs at an awkward angle on your hips, and tug it over your head. The heat of the room and the fire behind you immediately warms your back as you naked skin becomes exposed. 

Jungkook, with heavy eyelids, watches as you wipe down your hand, and then toss the top aside, your body bathed in an orange halo and he can’t help but reach out to touch at the skin of your shoulders and up and down your sides.

For a moment you think you should forget how turned on you are, ignore the need to release and just bask in each others company, skin on skin. But as you lean in to nuzzle into his warmth, Jungkook grabs at your hips and rises quickly to a stand, much to your surprise.

“Guk, wh-,” but with a quick swat on your ass he keeps your question at bay, instead, causing a wave of laughter to emerge.

“Shower time.” You would try to protest, but with a firm grip and a swift walk, he has you in the bathroom before the words form.

Placing you down on the countertop, he finally releases you, kissing your shoulder before he turns and makes his way to the shower, turning it on and testing the temperature with his palm. And it is only now, with the first distance between you, that you see his expired form - his black shirt stuck to his back with sweat, hair pointing outwards in all directions and that red tint on his cheeks that only comes out if he’s fucked on alcohol or has actually fucked - in this case, both.

Your eyes are trained on his as he lifts his shirt, not how he normally does, but reaches one hand behind him and pulls it from the back and over, exposing the full length of muscled back and then shoulders to you. Bastard knew exactly what he was doing. And of course, it causes an immediate reaction in you, legs crossed now for some form of friction.

“Wow, that really does turn you on,” he laughs at your form, leant back with legs pressed together, admiring the view.

He discards his shirt on the counter next to you and you grab it, throwing it in his face.

“Fuck off.” 

Hopping off the counter, you brush his shoulder as you walk past in the direction of the running water, the steam it’s releasing being all too appealing to hold back from any longer. As you saunter, you hook your panties off, flicking them off your feet behind you in the direction of your boyfriend.

The first touch of water on your naked form automatically sets you alight, wet on dry skin, and you feel every drop that makes its way down your body. Jungkook says something, but it is a mumble as the water encases your ears and the glass barrier between you distorts his words. 

“Did you hear what I said?” This time spoken softly next to your ear as you feel his fingers dance aimlessly at the curve of your back and up to your neck. You lean back into his touch so your ears come out of the stream of water and instead you find yourself leaning against his shoulder, bare back against his bare front, skin on skin.

“Hmm?” You hum into the air as he places a kiss on the skin he exposed after he swept your wet strands away from your neck.

“I said you’ve still got your necklace on, baby” 

Oh. 

“Oh shit,” and £6000 worth of crystals handed to you under expensive chandeliers to the occasion of your birthday was most certainly not about to be tainted by shower water.

So, automatic hands reach up for the clasp but, “I got it,” he says, lips still dangerously close to your ear and his delicate fingers now making light work of the masterpiece around your neck. You can’t see him through the steam filled shower as he leaves your side to place it elsewhere, but you certainly see his figure, in all its naked glory approach you once again. 

“Let me under I’m still covered in cum.” Oh, ever the romantic. With a scoff, you’re aside and watching him melt into the heat of the cascading water, long hairs strands dampening one by one and framing his face. You’re eyes also aren’t discreet about the way they wander over his bare torso and the way it now glistens a golden brown with the way it soaks.

Both happily covered by the falling warmth, he nestles his way back into the back of your neck, his lips taking the same route from your neck and round to your jaw as earlier - and there’s nothing you can do about the way you lean into it for more.

“So beautiful.” 

“Mmm,” is mumbled when earlobe is caught between teasing teeth.

“All mine yeh?”

Always,” and hands descend downwards, trailing after the lines of water that filter over your curves. Fingers reach breasts for a brief moment, but it’s a fleeting touch before they head further southward to the curve of your crotch.

“And this is all mine too.”

No words this time but a moan as he cups your core with a not so delicate touch as what preceded it. But your body doesn’t mind. It bucks into the hand, in fact, searching for friction that had been needed since the moment you straddled your boyfriend earlier and made him cum like putty in your hands.

“Guk, please.”

“I know, baby, I know.” 

Two fingers settle their way into you, slowly, too slowly, but the burn inside you is all the same as your body sets alight in pleasure. His palm is pressed hand to your clit at the angle and if you weren’t already distracted by that, the sensation of his teeth pulling and sucking at your neck makes your knees buckle.

“Good?” You feel the smirk on your shoulder rather than hear it in his voice. Kook knows exactly how he’s making you feel he just loves to hear you say it.

“Fuck, so good.” And the long fingers pressed so deep inside you curl and push up and then out, much to your pleasure because it strikes that spot far within you that has you moaning and turning your head to chase his lips.

You find them. Somewhere between his hand picking up its pace spearing into you and your moans groaning out by the lips that are hungry on yours he has you bending at the waist. Folding you down and then pushing you forward possessively so your hands have to reach out for the tiles in front of you as his hand goes to work at a whole other speed.

“Guk! Fuck.” Your legs almost give way in the new position but a growl behind you tells you he is far from done with your body, and the piston of his fingers sends the message even better.  

You can’t help when one hand goes down to his wrist, not sure whether it wants to calm him down or speed him up, but just as skin touches skin his hand pulls out and away from you. Legs wobble and a whine wins the battle of being fought down.

“All fucking mine.” The tingling in your core because of its emptiness disappears in an instant when you feel the bare head of his cock rock between your folds.

“Guk! You’re still hard, what the fuck.” He always told you he had stamina, but you’d figured the boy would tap out after a round of cumming in his pants. His dick tells you a whole other story.

He thrusts in hard and all at once and leaves no time between the first moan you both release in unison before he is chasing that deep place in your pussy over and over. It’s relentless and fucking amazing all at the same time and your hands and head and feet struggle to find any sense of stability. You’re all his in this moment.

“Holy shit, so tight Y/N. So fucking tight.” The rambling commences once the pace is set, because he just loves to talk about how much he loves being inside you. “Made for me baby.”

The words are lost on you though as the impending orgasm strikes upon you faster than you’d realised it would - his fingers must’ve done a job on you. 

“Fuck, Guk. Oh my- fuck!”

“That’s it baby. Fall apart on my cock.” He holds you up with one hand woven in the wet mess of your hair as your knees buckle under the strain of the pleasure. 

The other hand striking you clit with a slap is what has you screaming though as every fibre of you shakes and pulses, blood pumping up into your ears and stomach caving in He’s so deep inside you as he continues to pump himself at a dangerous speed - it only prolongs the pleasure.

“Cunt squeezing me so- fuck- so good baby. Gonna make me cum. Shitt,” and he groans out into your shoulder as he slaps at your clit one final time for good measure, spilling everything his balls hadn’t already that night so far inside you. “So good, jesus.”

Breathing calms and the sound of water falling returns, the stream on the back of your body providing some relief to the shaking and ache you feel settling in. You knees feel fucked and your core feels even fucking worse - but you love it. Nothing like post-sex burn in every crevice of your body.

A whine and wince come from the mouth still at your shoulder as he pulls up and straightens, dragging you with him because like hell can you hold your own weight right now.

“You good?” he smiles at you as you’re spun to face him, all rosy cheeks and shallow breaths. He kisses at your mouth lightly because you’re smiling at him too. “I’ll take that silence as a yes.”

The sound of water hitting skin and tiles is all that there is for a while, the occasion sinking of lips into neck as well, but the moment is ruined when Jungkook decides to plunge two fingers into your abused cunt. The fucking sting of it causes you to instantly drag away from the sensation, far enough so he can’t do it again but not far enough that he isn’t still in your embrace.

“Guk, what the fuck.”

“Whattt? Just trying to keep my cum in there.” You don’t kink shame Y/N, you swore to him you didn’t find it weird.

“Baby.”

“Well, wouldn’t we all rather it be in there,” another slap to your clit that has you laughing before you realise it, “than over there.”

And when you follow the train of his finger, sure enough, you find the heap of his trousers outside the shower, cum stained and all.

Smirking back at him, “I don’t know, I find it kinda hot.”

And Jungkook fights every internal battle in his head not to kink shame, he swears he doesn’t find it weird.

[kiruuuuu]

Hey. So.. would you write something about Ace and Kali? (One shot or HC - whatever comes to your mind) Something rather serious.. I just woke up to the idea that Kali is able to look behind this Golden Boy facade and knows that Ace has his insecurities like everybody else. 🤔

Hi, thank you so much for this ask 💗 I’ve been carrying this thought around for a while and only just now finished writing a small snippet on it! I’m not sure whether it captures the heart of your idea but I think it at the very least toys with it :) In my head, Kali and Ace are well aware of each other’s flaws, which lets them bond yet fuels an underlying suspicion that could boil over if stoked... In any case, I hope you like this! (Rating G/T, ???, ~1.2k words)

.

The men are glancing at each other uncertainly, probably trying to gauge whether it’s more beneficial for them to snitch or keep mum, neither of them wanting to be the one who speaks up first regardless. Kindergarten behaviour, and it does nothing to quell Kali’s rage. She’s kneading the collar of the jacket she’s carrying, grateful she didn’t sling it over her shoulder so she’s got some outlet at least – it’s been a while since she last threw something breakable at someone, but the urge is still there.

“Who”, she hisses once more, not ready to accept this silence. She’s been back at the base for all of ten minutes and already she wants to step on someone.

“Don’t get mad at us”, says one of them and though he likely meant it as a request, it comes across as a plea.

Kali is not unreasonable. The fault lies not with them and they all know it, so she forces herself to take a deep breath. Though she keeps rubbing the fabric between her fingers. “I won’t.”

“It wasn’t our idea.”

Yet they’re hesitant to tell her whose it was. “I know.”

“We’re bored out of our minds here.”

The complaint is heard. To play nice with Harry, Kali has put many of Nighthaven’s operations on hold, aborted some of them entirely and gave orders to not lift a finger unless cleared with her. Some of it is explicitly stated in her contract with Rainbow, some of it heavily implied, some of it merely… encouraged. She remembers the way Harry paled at some of the names she dropped and she’s done more thorough research since then. There’s no chance anyone believes in an actual change of heart, she’s too opportunistic for that, but compliance surely is the next best thing. She asks how high to jump. She enjoys how her agreeableness is slowly turning Harry into a nervous wreck.

Still, the downside is downtime. Significant downtime. She’s just returned from a Rainbow mission during which comms broke down, meaning no clearance possible – so everything came to a standstill.

Was supposed to, at least.

“Is it really worth it?”

Kali raises a brow. “Answer me: have I ever let you down?” They shake their heads. They know better than not to. “I’m not going to. Remember the face of our Minister of Home Affairs when he realised he needed us? Hm? The way we tracked mud into all those official buildings, the way they were forced to treat us like esteemed guests?”

They haven’t forgotten. A grim satisfaction lines their features, a satisfaction Kali herself has felt many times. She’s worked hard to make herself invaluable to her home country’s government, and reaping the benefits made it a thousand times worth it.

“Imagine that rush of power, but now it’s officials from Russia you’re facing. European representatives. Americans. Rainbow has ties to everyone. Get it?”

They get it. They might not like it, but they understand. These are men refusing to lick boots – like her – and bowing to Harry’s authority doesn’t come easy. Reminding them of their goal, however, helps.

“It was Ace”, one of them mutters.

She turns around and leaves, no words necessary. Tracking him down is surprisingly difficult, he likes to hang around Aruni and drift aimlessly in her absence, so she has to ask a few people until she barges in on him trying to flirt with one of the newcomers, phone out, smile wide, eyes dead. “Out”, says Kali sharply.

The asshole leans back like he’s not even expecting to be scolded, while the other man scrambles to gather his personal items and hurries out of the lounge as fast as he can.

“Glad to have you back, Queen”, Ace greets her and she wants to punch him in his stupid face.

“You went on a brief excursion, I hear.”

The smile fades. If he hadn’t realised before how deep he’s in the shit, now he can definitely smell it. “Nothing out of the ordinary”, he replies, defensive.

“What was my one rule?”

“It was just a bodyguard job, nothing big. Nothing even happened.”

“My one rule?”, she repeats, unfazed.

“The whole thing was over in a few hours, and the guys needed it, you should’ve seen them afterwards, they -”

“No! Operations!”, Kali barks.

If Ace actually rolls his eyes at her right now, she’s going to skin him. He seems to resist the urge, if barely. “Is it really that serious?”

Is it ever. Once more, she pulls herself together with Herculean effort and tries hard to be reasonable. “We want to get on Pandey’s good side, understood? He is the one we need to butter up. None of his lackeys go and do some bodyguarding of their own accord, they know better than that. If you don’t receive any kind of official mission, you are to stay put and keep your fucking mouth shut like a good little boy.”

“Harry actually commended me after the fact.”

The casual remark gives her pause. He’s too clever to go against her without anything to gain – and while annoying her is indeed his goal sometimes, this is too significant to be ascribed to mere pettiness. Meaning he was fully aware of Harry’s future approval. Meaning he’s trying to get on his good side by himself.

A good rat makes sure there’s always another ship near in case this one capsizes.

She could crush him in a minute. Throwing him out of Nighthaven is the easiest thing in the world, and setting an ultimatum the second easiest: there’s no doubt Harry would choose her, Wamai, Aruni and all the resources her organisation has at its disposal. It’s not even a choice. And then there’s the photos. The kind from which an artificial personality like him would never recover because the internet never forgets. Five minutes, and his life could be ruined.

In a way, she finds his aspirations amusing. She’d never do it, unless he actually betrayed her, and he’s not dumb enough to do so. He’s crafting himself a parachute knowing full well its effectiveness relies on Kali not cutting it.

He correctly interprets her silence, revealing that he’s fully aware of how transparent he is. “Don’t worry, I’m on your side and I’ll stay on it. You know that. I saved your life, now I get to be a part of it.”

“Rumour has it that you decided to save me after you found out who I was.”

She’s met with a dazzling smile. “I did save you though, didn’t I?”

All she wants is to tell him to be very, very careful. One day, he’ll try to impress the wrong person. And either he’ll pay the ultimate price for it… or he’ll do something he won’t be able to reconcile with his conscience. It’ll be his downfall, and though she wants to witness it, she doesn’t want it to happen. Not really.

Still, she simply walks away without warning. This is something he’ll have to find out for himself.

[bosspigeon]

a permanent solution to a temporary insanity

Pairing: Mason/m!Detective, with a side of Adam/Nate (implied)

Words:  5257

Summary: Unit Bravo discover the detective has... a lot more tattoos than they would have guessed. Felix is delighted. Mason is intrigued. Nate and Adam are just worried this is going to cause issues with Rebecca, somehow. Tina and Verda become chaotic disasters when they’ve had some alcohol in them.

Takes place at the beginning of Book 2. Title taken from a quote my granddad likes to use whenever he wants me to know he disapproves of my tattoos.

AO3 Link | Ko-Fi <3

"Get your foot off the table, you fucking barbarian!"

Mason can hear the voice of the detective's coworkers from across the bar, but even if he couldn't, Chase's scent is easy enough to track. The muted bite of coffee, the sharpness of pine tempered with clary sage. The cooled sweat of a long day, and, just barely perceptible, the intoxicating undercurrent of his blood.

Mason's awareness narrows down to that stimulus, and he weaves his way through the meager crowd. He is only vaguely cognizant of his unit following behind him, so focused on finding--

He hears a laugh, low and husky, a bit of a scuffle, and he finds the detective sitting at a table with the pathologist, Verda, and the Bobblehe-- Officer Poname.

Chase's back is to him, and he’s sitting in a chair at the end of a table squished into a corner. Verda and Poname are opposite him in a booth against the wall, laughing, while Poname tries in vain to wrestle Chase's scuffed combat boot off the edge of the table. The smell of alcohol is strong between the three of them, but that is not what makes Mason stop dead.

Chase's leather jacket is draped over the back of his chair, and underneath, what Mason always thought was a full turtleneck sweater is actually completely sleeveless. The detective's arms are bare, save for intricate swirls and clusters of ink, mostly black, but with some pops of color here and there. Some of it is flowers, some words, a few bones and animal skulls. Abstract shapes and lines, a few sharp little designs, from shoulder to knuckles on both arms-- and Mason suddenly realizes Chase always seemed to be wearing supple leather palm gloves that matched his jacket, or, when it was colder, cozy wool fingerless gloves so he could still use his phone without trouble. Not tonight, though. Tonight his hands are bare, his arms are bare, and the ribbed shirt he’s wearing is clinging to him and really showing off the stout strength of his torso.

Mason grunts as Felix runs into his back, and time seems to pick back up to normal speed while his companion loudly complains.

Chase's head turns upon hearing the familiar voice, and Mason gathers his wits and offers a smirk and a carefully relaxed wave, sauntering up alongside the man, who raises a glass full of some dark mixed drink to him.

"There’s nothing we can do until we’ve got more information about our case, so I'm off tomorrow-- ask Rebecca," he informs Adam, who is looking disapprovingly between the detective's lax, sprawled posture and the half-empty glass held loosely in one hand, "so I don't want to hear you bitching about what I'm doing."

Adam's mouth pinches, Nate chuckles and tries to stifle it, and Mason coughs out a ragged laugh. But all that is lost to Felix shoving his way bodily around Mason to grab Chase's wrist (thankfully the one without the drink) and shout, "You've got so many tattoos!"

Chase gives Felix a lazy once-over, his brow quirked. "Yeah? And?" He looks a little bemused, as if he can’t quite figure out how this came as such as a surprise to any of them, much less a busybody like Felix. He obviously can’t say it in front of his coworkers, but Mason remembers Chase’s time with Murphy. The hospital gown and the needles and bandages. But even though they could all see in the dark just fine, there was a bit too much going on to really notice more than some smudges of dark ink on his neck and arms.

He thinks their minds might be going to the same place, for a moment, because Chase’s mouth twists from a lazy smile to a grim frown, dark, serious brows scrunching. It’s a slight gesture, barely noticeable, but he jerks his head once, as if to shake off the memories.

They’re both, thankfully, distracted by Felix whirling around to point accusingly at Mason. "Did you know he had this many?"

"If I did, would I tell you?" he sneers. Felix pouts mightily, but then pauses, and smiles. A slow, creeping smile, his eyes narrowed smugly.

"If you did know, you'd have been telling everyone you saw what the detective's got under his clothes any chance you got," he taunts. "So you must not have!"

Nate can't quite stifle his laugh this time, and Mason shoots him a dirty look.

Chase chuckles, low and smoky, and brings the glass to his lips again. “Yeah, I’ve got a lot of tattoos. Almost more than bare skin by this point, I think?” He looks to Verda and Poname as if to confirm, though with an odd little smirk that makes Poname giggle helplessly and Verda roll his eyes.

“Verda would know best,” Poname teases. “How much of Chase have you seen?”

“Enough to know that, yes, the un-inked real estate is scant at best.” He takes a demure sip of his drink while Poname cackles.

“My boss fucking hates it,” Chase snorts into his glass, gesturing vaguely with the free hand he’s rescued from Felix for Unit Bravo to sit. He finally removes his boot from the edge of the table (which makes Poname throw her hands in the air) and uses it to push the chair next to him out, dark eyes flickering up to meet Mason’s for a fraction of a second, stoking a low sort of heat in his belly. He takes the offered seat before Felix can (to some very vocal complaining) and lounges back, angling the chair so he’s able to watch the detective without making it too obvious.

Nate slides into the booth next to Poname, who immediately turns her gaze almost reverently to him, and Adam sits stiffly alongside him, giving the both of them an unreadable look. Felix posts up alongside Verda, smiling with annoying cheerfulness across the table at Chase and Mason.

“If your boss hates them so much, how’d you get the job?” he chirps, still marvelling at all the inked skin on shameless display. It makes Mason feel a bit twitchy, and he swallows down the urge to bare his teeth at his teammate with two very ignorant human witnesses in front of him. He distracts himself by subtly eyeing a splash of color on Chase’s solid shoulder in the form of a wrought-iron lantern with a single guttering candle inside, wreathed in wilted and dying flowers that trails shed petals and leaves down his bicep to mingle with other patterns.

“Mum’s got connections,” Chase drawls, swirling his glass and impressively feigning nonchalance. The ice cubes inside clink softly. “As you all know.”

The quiet that follows is damning, and Chase breaks it by tossing back another gulp of his drink. This close, with his senses full of the detective’s overwhelming… everything, Mason can tell it’s rum and Coke-- rather heavy on the rum.

Nate is the first to speak, offering a politely neutral, “You told us you were given a choice between the police academy or prison.” His tone lacks any judgement, but his brows are furrowed just a bit. Beside him, Adam’s expression is carefully blank. Good for both of them, because even clearly, comfortably tipsy and oddly candid, Chase’s gaze is sharp and analytical, his shoulders just this side of too tight.

“Yeah, well,” he goes on, staring past Nate more than at him, “Rebecca’s influence goes a long way, I learned. So after I graduated from uni-- top of my fuckin’ class, thank you--  I went off on a bit of a wild tear, you know, acquiring cars under mysterious circumstances,” Poname sputters into her drink and laughs, and Chase just gives her a dry look before she regains herself enough for him to continue, “and selling them for scrap, I miraculously didn’t wind up going to straight to prison, thanks to Rebecca pulling some strings and dragging me back here by my ear.” His lip curls faintly, and there’s a flash of something in his expression that seems to drop the temperature in the bar by a few degrees. Felix meets Mason’s eye and visibly shudders.

“That doesn’t really explain the tattoos,” Mason says, offering an easy segue to something… else.

“Sort of does,” Chase says with a shrug, eyes heavy-lidded. “I had a pretty wild childhood up to that point. Got my first stick-and-poke when I was, what? Thirteen? I think the kid who gave it to me is working at the bank now.” He snorts. “My point is, it was the one thing about my life I ever got to control. I had to be perfect, but so long as I did well in my academic pursuits and set myself on exactly the path my mother wanted for me, in my free time I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.” He rolls his shoulders again and knocks back the last of his drink, setting the glass down just a little too hard on the sticky tabletop.

“I drank, I partied, I fucked around. What else do you do when you’re a kid with no parental influence in your life save for a picture on the mantel of an empty house? You go off the fucking wall is what you fuckin’ do. Anything for even a shred of attention. And I still managed to graduate with honors, right? First in my class in secondary school, and in uni. Didn’t matter, did it?” His face goes hard, brows furrowing. “She didn’t bother to congratulate me in person. I got a card on her office stationery that I doubt she even wrote herself. My graduation from uni she didn’t even respond to the invite I sent, but I still stupidly hoped she’d show. She didn’t care until I snapped and she actually had to step in. Take a break from her job and come collect her errant brat.” He scoffs, and it sounds like a gunshot in the sudden silence that follows.

Nate looks like he wants to say something, mouth opening, but Adam touches his wrist and it snaps closed. Even Felix is stunned silent. Verda and Poname just exchange twin looks of familiar distress, but before anyone can say anything, Chase stands up so suddenly his chair shrieks across the floor. Mason, Nate, Adam, and Felix all wince at the sound.

“I’m going to get another drink,” the detective mutters, stalking off into the crowd. Mason looks over his companions, eyebrows raised, decides he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, and gets up to follow.

Chase is leaning against the bar, asking the bartender for “something stronger than a rum and Coke, holy fuck,” and doesn’t even look up when Mason moves to stand beside him.

“I get moody when I get drunk,” he says by way of greeting.

“So you’re always drunk, then?" Mason drawls. "Not very professional of you, Detective." 

Chase snorts and turns to look at him, but he doesn’t say anything-- just closes his eyes and rubs his hand over the rough fuzz of his shaved head. Mason’s gaze is drawn to his hand, and he spots a ouija planchette inked into one knuckle, a pentacle on the next, then an eye, and a crescent moon. They look old, faded and a bit blown out. When Chase opens his eyes again, the bartender has given him another drink, and from the smell, it’s a highball with a hefty pour of whiskey. He takes his first sip almost gratefully.

“Those the stick-and-pokes you mentioned?” Mason asks.

Chase holds up  his hand. “Hm? Oh, yeah, a couple of ‘em. Not the first ones.” He turns his hand palm-up, and gestures with the glass. “There on the wrist.” Along the inside of his forearm is an intricate dagger with thorns twisted along the blade, but a few centimeters below the point, there is a tiny, blurry skull with a black forked tongue. “Toby Doherty, year 8. We put together a tattoo gun in his dad’s garage by pulling apart his little brother’s RC car. Think we got into more trouble for that than the tattoo.” He huffs out a rough little laugh. “I just think his mum was too nervous to actually shout at me, but I was never allowed back to their house afterwards because I was a bad influence.”

Mason reaches out and takes his hand, pulling it a bit closer so he can study the skull more closely. That’s what he tells himself, anyway, though he doesn’t think he’s fooled, and he doesn’t think the detective would be either. Especially when he rubs his thumb over the raised lines. He can feel Chase’s pulse through his thin skin, blood pumping hot and steady. This close, his pine-and-sage scent is stronger, and it fills Mason’s chest. "It's cute," he says, little more than a breath between them. He leans in, pulls the detective's wrist close to his mouth. He can feel the heat of his skin, almost taste the warmth just beneath, and Chase's breath is soft and quick and deafening in his ears.

“Chase!”

He drops the hand as if burned, and looks away from the detective before he can see how he reacts. Poname is toddling up to them, swaying a bit, and she wiggles her way between them to toss her arms around Chase's middle. He raises his highball in the air to keep her from spilling it, and she giggles.

"Chase, come back, you've got to show them!"

He groans. "Show them what?"

She only giggles louder and starts pulling him back towards the group, using the much steadier detective as a bit of a crutch to keep from stumbling through the milling crowd. When they arrive back at the table, things aren't really more comfortable than when they'd left, but they're not less so either, which Mason supposes is more than they could ask for. He takes up his seat again, but when Chase moves to do the same, Poname keeps hold of his arm.

"Wait, wait, you should be standing up for this," she giggles. Verda doesn't say anything, but he does snicker quietly into his tall glass of something that smells cloyingly of fruit syrup and sweetened vodka.

"Tina, what are you on about?" he sighs indulgently.

"You have to show them King Kitty!"

Mason’s interest is immediately piqued. Felix’s is too, clearly. He sits bolt upright and leans forward with that bright-eyed little imp grin he likes to give his teammates whenever he’s teasing them about… well, anything, really. “King Kitty?” he asks with eyes sparkling.

Chase groans, sets his drink on the table, and pushes Poname away, sending her stumbling into the table while she laughs brightly. “Don’t call it that, Tina. Christ.”

“You have to show them! He’s so good!” she insists, swaying towards him again. He dodges, and damn near skitters around the table to press into Verda’s space, which would have given Poname the means to corner him if she could figure out how to move around Chase’s abandoned chair as well as Mason (side-eyeing her cautiously) without getting tangled or falling over entirely. Verda continues to laugh at their antics, pushing Chase’s hip as it crowds into his space and threatens to make him spill his drink.

“Come on, now, what could it hurt?” he chides playfully, slipping his finger into the belt loop of the detective’s cargo pants and tugging playfully.

“Hey!” Chase barks, shifting away. All that manages to accomplish is tugging down his waistband the slightest bit, exposing the edge of his black underwear and a thin sliver of skin-- inked with designs Mason can’t properly parse, though he can’t help but lean forward a bit for a closer look. “I’ll have both of your asses for harassment, don’t test me!”

“Chase, our precinct is tiny,” Verda hiccups, finally making the decision (though it clearly pains him) to set his drink aside, since it seems Chase is perfectly willing to clamber over him to escape Poname’s grabbing hands, “I’m the HR department. You haven’t got a case here.”

“Show theeeeem,” Poname whines, putting one hand on Mason’s shoulder to steady herself. A low growl rumbles in his chest, but one sharp look from Nate (who is trying very hard not to smile at the scene, while Felix is outright giggling, and Adam simply looks confused and uncomfortable) quiets him. She smells strongly like some sort of bubblegum perfume that tickles the back of his tongue and leaves it feeling itchy and thick.

“I still have to work with them,” Chase protests, but his resolve is visibly wavering, especially with the lack of options to escape.

“We won’t tell anyone!” Felix blurts, leaning across the table. “Promise!”

Mason doesn’t chime in, but it’s a near thing. The last few weeks he’s tested the limits of both Adam and Nate’s patience with his innuendos about the detective, and he even thinks Agent Kingston might be one lewd joke from stabbing him with a fountain pen.

But Chase is weakening, he can tell. Mostly because he can’t seem to figure out how to climb over Verda, and Poname’s hands have found his belt. “Fine! Fuck, fine, you menace!” he exclaims, pushing her off with a surprising amount of gentleness, considering his tone. “Just get off me!”

Poname backs off obediently, but she’s still giggling up a storm, flushed with the effort, her hair a bit mussed. Verda looks entirely unbothered, and he takes up his drink again with a smug smile. Chase returns to his chair but doesn’t sit, and Poname returns to cozying up to Nate and being entirely oblivious to Adam trying very hard not to look annoyed.

Chase takes a deep, bolstering breath, snatches up his drink, and downs about half in one swig. “You’ve all got to swear you won’t breathe a word to Rebecca about this,” he says with grave, if faintly slurred, severity.

“Oh, absolutely,” Mason agrees, quickly enough that Felix shoots him another infuriating smirk.

“Scout’s honor!” Felix blurts, nearly bouncing in his seat.

Nate smiles and nods, looking for all the world like he’s simply indulging the shenanigans, but he’s clearly curious himself. Chase isn’t terribly secretive about most things-- he’s actually pretty fucking blunt-- so this has to be… interesting, for him to put up such a fight. Adam looks like he’s bolstering himself to look away as quickly as possible so he can have some plausible deniability should Agent Kingston find out regardless.

Chase’s hands go to his belt, and Mason’s stomach clenches, heat rushing under his skin. The detective unbuckles with practiced ease, flicks the snap open, and tugs the edge of his cargo trousers and briefs (are they briefs? Mason would certainly like to find out) down just a bit. His other hand goes to his fitted shirt, tugging it up.

The hair beneath his navel is thick and dark, and the trail leading down into his trousers is very, very inviting, but Mason’s attention is drawn inexorably to the design inked into the soft, brown skin. He supposes he should have expected the name “King Kitty” to give it away, but he couldn’t have predicted what he was in for.

It’s a snarling black cat, cartoonishly stylized, wearing a jauntily cocked royal crown. Underneath, spanning from hipbone to hipbone, are the words “BOW DOWN” written in bold, jagged script.

“Everyone, meet King Kitty,” Poname proclaims with a sloppy, grand gesture to Chase’s pelvis.

“Yeah, yeah, are you happy now?” Chase groans, hiking his waistband back up and buckling his belt. He tugs his shirt down and flops into the chair, taking another slog of his drink. It’s almost gone already, and he’s sure to be feeling it soon.

“Absolutely tickled,” Verda says primly.

“Oh, completely,” Poname chimes in.

“Wouldn’t mind seeing him again,” Mason rumbles, and Chase’s eyes flick to him for a split second, dark and sparking, brows quirked. Nate sighs audibly.

“Well, are you going to tell the story too?” Verda presses. “Share with the class?”

Chase drops into his chair and kicks his feet up again, and Poname makes a vague sound of protest. This time, at least, a sharp glare shuts her up. “Might as fuckin’ well, right?” he snorts. “So, I had this ex in college--”

Both Verda and Poname make strange noises, and when Mason spares them a glance (still a bit caught up in eyeballing the detective’s lounging about like a lazy cat-- which is oddly appropriate, all things considered) they are both looking somewhere between annoyed and downright angry. Chase actually looks… guilty, for a split second, before he waves it away and continues.

“Anyway. He wasn’t, uh… Very good in bed. But I loved him or some nonsense,” he scoffs and gestures vaguely with his glass, “so I put up with it. Because I couldn’t tell him he hadn’t gotten me off to his face, right? He was a sex god, according to him, always hit the marks,” he takes a sip and snorts a bit into his drink. Verda barks out a sharp, sudden laugh that seems to startle even him.

“He did not say that! Chase, please tell me he didn’t say that to you!” he squeaks out between ragged, uncontrollable laughter.

Poname is collapsing against Nate’s side, consumed by a fit of wheezing giggles.

Chase rubs a hand down his face and huffs out a laugh of his own. “He fucking did and I have to live with the fact that I continued to sleep with him after that, every day for the rest of my life. Point is, after a lot of general university stress, I got tired of faking orgasms to save his ego, and I finally told him he hadn’t gotten me off once since we’d started dating. Crushed him, of course, and we did break up for a bit because of it. And in the interim, I thought it’d be a good idea, to, ah, ensure that the next one wouldn’t be so… lost. I had a bit of liquid courage, lied admirably to my favorite tattoo artist when she asked if I was sober, and King Kitty was born. Then when I inevitably made the bad decision to get back with my ex, the next time we tumbled into bed, I just pointed at the instructions and told him to get to work.”

He finishes off his drink, puts his foot back on the ground with a heavy clunk, and leans his elbows on the table. “Turns out, he worked best when I was a bit mean to him. Apparently it’s a thing he wasn’t aware of. Go figure.”

“Christ, no wonder he only bothers you more when you’re a prick to him,” Verda scoffs with a hearty roll of his eyes. “You’ve trained it into him!”

"That is… quite the tale," Nate offers magnanimously, eyebrows threatening to make a break for his hairline. He looks to Adam, who is looking away and trying very hard to pretend he wasn't listening at all. Mason gets the idea he knows well enough that if he opens his mouth, what comes out is likely to piss off their dear detective.

Felix about falls over cackling, which is a fine distraction for Mason to lean in close, snagging Chase's attention and murmuring, "Wouldn't mind you bossing me around a bit," with a sly little smirk.

The look Chase gives him is dry as a fucking desert, but his eyes are crinkled at the corners. "You have proved on multiple occasions that you absolutely do mind," he fires back.

And that's what delights him about the detective, he thinks. He's sharp-tongued, and he doesn't try to dull it. Prickly, but clever, unafraid to say what's on his mind. And he's never once rebuffed Mason's advances outright, just… Spiked them back with sly smirks and raised eyebrows. Challenging, a sort of unspoken, "Oh, so you think you can handle me?"

Mason would very, very much like to handle him.

"Well, I think I'd be a lot more willing to follow orders if less clothes were involved," he slyly remarks, and Chase's dark eyes brighten just a bit.

“You have to earn that privilege, pretty boy," he murmurs, lips curling on one side.

Mason is a breath away from leaning closer, when Verda's phone goes off and he stands up, startled, and bumps the table. Mason has to snap one hand out to grab Chase's empty glass before it goes careening to the floor. Poname looks a bit astounded by his (far too fast) reflexes, but she's also more than a bit foggy with liquor and likely to forget quickly.

"Shit, sorry," Verda offers sluggishly, blinking a bit behind his smart browline spectacles. "That's Eric," he explains, grabbing his coat. He's steadier than Poname, but not by much, and he leans heavily on Chase's chair when he bends to press a kiss to his bristly scalp. "Come on, you reprobate. Time to get you home." Chase grumbles and halfheartedly swats at him, a bit of red creeping up to his ears from beneath his high collar. “You too, Tina!” Verda calls, “Leave the poor man alone, would you?"

Poname, who was beginning to list against a somewhat bemused Nate's shoulder, sits bolt upright and blinks, then pouts a bit. "Hm? Oh… okay." She pushes unsteadily to her feet, helped in no small part by a few gentle nudges from Nate, and she turns to give him a giggle and a wiggly-fingered wave before Verda’s put-upon sigh spurs her to totter towards him. Adam watches her go, making a face he likely thinks is impassive, but Mason knows well enough the tense pucker between his eyebrows and the grim tightness around his mouth.

“Remember what I said,” Chase offers, heaving to his feet with a low groan that immediately drags Mason’s attention from Adam’s silent simmering, grabbing his jacket from the chair and slinging it over his shoulders. “Not a word to Rebecca about any of this.” He gives Adam a long look in particular. “My options are limited in terms of retaliation, but I can be pretty damned creative. Don’t test me.” His eyes flicker almost instinctively to Mason, and his lips twitch, but he says nothing more before he swaggers with surprising steadiness after his coworkers.

“Bye, Detective!” Felix hollers, waving enthusiastically. Mason winces, but comforts himself with staring unabashedly at the detective’s retreating backside. The second he’s out the door, Felix rounds on Adam with a bright laugh. “Look at you! You managed to be in the same room as the Detective and you didn’t get into a fight!”

“Because he kept his mouth shut the entire time,” Mason snickers. “Looked like it was killing you not to talk shit.”

“I don’t talk shit,” Adam snaps, and Nate helpfully slides out of the booth so he can escape as well. “I just point out when the Detective is being…”

Mason raises his eyebrows, waiting for him to come up with a word that’s not an insult.

“Difficult,” is what Adam settles on, giving Nate a sidelong look.

“Oh, yeah, you wouldn’t know anything about being difficult,” Felix chimes in helpfully. Adam scowls at him and adjusts his jacket. Nate is clearly trying not to laugh and make Adam even more annoyed.

“You’re the one who felt the need to hassle the detective on his off time,” Mason hums not-so-helpfully. “Can’t blame him for being annoyed.”

“And you can’t say anything either,” Felix chirps, “Since you just went right along with it.” He’s grinning, wide and wicked, and he sways into Mason's space and gets shoved for his trouble. He totters dramatically for a second, then pops back up and snickers. "You're not as smooth as you think," he taunts. "I saw your eyes almost pop out of your skull when you saw those tattoos!"

Mason shoves him again, and Nate chuckles. "There were a lot more than I would have guessed."

"And I bet there's a lot more where we couldn't see," Felix adds, sticking his tongue between his teeth and waggling his eyebrows. Mason glances around the bar, the crowd having thinned in the last half hour or so, and decides he can get away with putting the little brat in a headlock.

Nate sighs at them. Adam rolls his eyes skyward, but they let Felix flail and squawk for a bit before Adam barks out, “Enough!” and Mason obediently releases him so he can tug his fancy scarf forcefully back into place and adjust his beanie. “Let’s just go.”

“This was nice, wasn’t it?” Nate offers with a bit of genuine cheer as they file out the door and leave the bar behind. “Getting out? Talking to people?” He nudges Adam when he doesn’t respond, and gets a faint grunt for his trouble. “Seeing the sights?”

Mason lights up the second they’re outside, inhales, and exhales a long plume of smoke, and smirks a bit around the filter. “I enjoyed the sights, at least.”

“I had fun!” Felix chirps, having already moved on from Mason’s rough treatment. “We should spend more time with the detective outside work stuff. He’s cool when he’s not all--” He makes a face, stiff and frowning with a crinkled brow, that looks pretty damned similar to the face he makes when he’s mocking their illustrious leader. Mason almost bites down on the filter of his cigarette to stifle a laugh.

“It was nice to see him unwind a bit,” Nate chuckles. “His friends seem… fun,” his mouth quirks a bit, somewhat uncomfortably, “Friendly.”

Adam makes a disgruntled noise. “Too friendly,” he mutters. Mason is about to lose the fight with himself and start snickering.

Ah, hell, he can’t resist. “I dunno, I think Natey might have a chance with the Bobblehead.” The look Adam gives him could kill a lesser man, but he just gives a lopsided grin in return. Felix, however, loses it to the point he almost falls over in the street.

Nate, ever the diplomat, just chuckles a bit and says, “Officer Poname is lovely, but she’s a bit… young for me, I think.”

 Yeah, about eight-hundred-something years too young, Mason thinks, rolling his eyes. But, unlike Felix, he’s made it a point not to get involved in the love lives of people he’s got to work with. He’s already got his hands full trying to figure out the detective. Though, he supposes, he’s got to work with the detective, too. On a more permanent basis, now, it seems. But Chase is a lot of things-- stubborn, headstrong, blunt and honest-- but he’s not the type to let a bit of fun get in the way of his job, and neither is Mason. The second they stop dancing around each other, Mason will lay it out plain for him, and if he’s not on board with a bit of fun between co-workers, then that’s it. No problems.

He takes another puff of his smoke and lets the others get ahead of him, Felix still chattering happily and Nate fielding it with his usual calm enthusiasm while Adam manages to both sulk and stalk admirably alongside them both. Their voices fade into the background, and he allows himself a private little smirk, thinking about those fierce dark eyes, that stout, compactly muscled body with its bold ink, and privately wonders how much more is hidden under the detective’s clothes, and the best way to see them all.

[adenei]

Finding My Way To You - Ch. 8

AO3 // FFN

Adjusting

“Mum, I really don’t think all of this is necessary..” Hermione said the following day. Her parents had both taken the day off to spend time with them, and Jean had whisked her daughter away for lunch and an afternoon of shopping. 

“What? Being able to spend time with my daughter? When’s the last time we went shopping together? Hermione, dear, you are desperately in need of some new clothes! Plus, I want to help you find something special for your date tonight,” Mrs. Granger smiled knowingly.

Hermione sighed. Her mother was right. The clothes she did have were ragged from being on the run for almost a year, and it was nice to be able to spend time with her again. This was the kind of thing she’d hoped to do with her mother before sixth year started, when she thought she and Ron may be on the verge of something then. Speaking of…

“Mum, what did Ron say to you last night to change your mind about things?” she asked again, hoping she’d crack on the fourth try.

They’d been out much longer than Hermione had expected, which made her nervous, but when they’d returned, Ron looked relieved and Mum had a smile on her face. Hermione looked at her dad for help in gathering an explanation, but he simply shrugged. Even Ron was tight lipped about the exchange last night. That annoyed her, and subsequently cut into their ‘getting to know you’ time she was hoping for.

What Ron did admit was what her mother was planning for tomorrow evening. “She called to make a reservation at some posh seafood restaurant for us tomorrow evening.”

“All four of us?” Hermione asked for clarification.

“No, just you and me. She wants us to go on a proper date. Said something about checking the cinemas, too, whatever that means. Would you be alright to join me for dinner tomorrow evening, say, around 6:30?” he said with a chuckle.

“I’d be delighted,” Hermione played along. “But I’m not sure I have anything to wear,” she frowned.

“Right, I forgot that bit. Your mum’s planning to be here around eleven tomorrow to take you to lunch and shopping.”

Hermione smiled at the recollection as she browsed the current boutique they were in. They already had several bags between them of new clothes for Hermione. Several new shirts and jumpers, a couple pairs of jeans, trousers and skirts, and even new undergarments, which Hermione had been resistant towards at first. She was secretly happy, though because when she was ready to take that step with Ron, she wanted something cute or sexy and not just plain old boring cotton. Her cheeks flushed at the thought of wanting to be ‘sexy’ for someone. 

She’d even caved and allowed her Mum to purchase a new swimsuit. It felt like ages since Hermione had worn one, not since their trip to France all those summers ago, and it took several choices (of both her own and others her mum tossed over the dressing room door) before Hermione had decided on a bright blue two piece with white polka dots. The top was modest enough with a twist front that had string ties in the back, and the bottom was somewhat high waisted, which made her feel more comfortable. Her mum had also picked up a couple beach towels and insisted Hermione buy flip flops, or thongs, as the Aussies called them. 

“The weather is supposed to be beautiful tomorrow. You and Ron absolutely need to experience a beach day, so you’ll be prepared!” 

Hermione couldn’t help but laugh. “Mum, are you trying to plan the rest of our stay here?”

“Of course not! I just want you both to experience everything we’ve grown to love about this little corner of the world. Plus, you both deserve a bit of a holiday after everything you’ve been through.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Hermione said, as she felt an overwhelming need to hug her mother right then and there.

Their last stop found Hermione the perfect dress for her date tonight. It was teal, and flowy with wide straps and a keyhole opening. A satin band gathered at the waist to provide some shape on her body, and the flowy skirt came to her mid thigh. It was the perfect balance of elegant, yet beachy, and her mum had found a wedge, peep toe sandal to finish off the look.

“Thank you again for all of this, Mum. Even after everything I did…”

“Hermione, you’ll always be our daughter, and I’ll always love you. I only want the best for you, and even though Ron’s made mistakes in my eyes, he’s certainly proved to me that he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, and I respect that.”

“Sometimes I think I don’t deserve him.”

“It’s all about balance, my dear. Tell me, did you ever apologize to him about the canary incident?”

Hermione felt as though ice had been poured down her back at her mother’s words. She knew that she and Ron had gotten past the whole Lavender debacle, but thinking back on it, she realized that there never was an explicit apology for that.

“I- erm-” she stuttered.

“You really should. I raised you better than that.”

“You’re right. And I suppose I probably should apologize for attacking him when he came back as well..” she hesitantly admitted.

“Excuse me?” Her mother stopped on the sidewalk and looked at her. “I did not raise you to react with violence, young lady.”

“I know, I know! I just- I let my emotions get the best of me. I promise I’ll do better about keeping them in check.”

“I’m not the one you should be making that promise to, but I appreciate the intent.”

“You’re right.”

“Dare I ask what you did to that poor boy when he came back?”

“Umm, I used him as a punching bag, as Dad would say,” Hermione admitted.

“Oh, Hermione..I know you inherited my anger, but please don’t take it out on him like that.”

“I won’t. Not anymore.”

She knew it was wrong, and even though it wasn’t something she talked about often, she was ashamed of her actions. Pride and embarrassment had forced her to ignore bringing it up, but if they were going to start off their relationship properly, it needed to be discussed.

Hermione noticed her mum checking her watch. “We’ve got just enough time to get you cleaned up and ready for your date. I had your father bring a few items over to your flat when he went to pick up Ron.”

“Items? What do you mean?” Hermione asked curiously.

“Hair product and makeup, of course!”

“But-”

“No buts! We have an hour to get you ready before Ron’s due to pick you up.”

“He’s not already there?” Hermione was having trouble keeping up with her mum, both in walking speed and conversation.

“Heavens, no! It’s a proper date, remember? Now, let’s go!”

~o~

Ron was standing in the guest bedroom of the Granger’s home. He was looking in the wall mirror at his own reflection. His afternoon had been spent out with Hugo. He’d gotten a haircut at a local barber, found swim trunks for their ‘beach day’ tomorrow as Jean kept calling it, and an outfit for his date tonight. He was wearing a nice pair of trousers with camel colored dress shoes. His shirt was light blue with faint, thin pinstripe lines to give the illusion of texture. 

For the first time since Bill and Fleur’s wedding, he was proud of the way he looked. Mr. Granger had a knack for muggle style, and even though he was older, Ron trusted his judgement. He reminded himself of one of those business lads that flooded the sidewalks on the morning and evening commutes. He felt bad, and had tried to pay for the clothes himself, but Hugo had insisted. Mr. Granger had offered to purchase more for Ron when he caught him eyeing a new pair of trainers, and jeans that might actually fit his long legs, but Ron politely refused. 

“Ready to go?” Hugo called from the bottom of the stairs, drawing Ron out of his thoughts. 

He couldn’t wait to see Hermione. It’d been a long afternoon without her. Especially because he’d grown accustomed to being with her day in and day out. They made the short drive over to the flat, where Jean was waiting by the door. She held the door open for Ron as she wished them well for the night and reminded him of how to get to the restaurant, which was about five blocks away.

He watched them go and then bounded up the stairs. He was about to just walk into their shared flat, but paused and remembered that this was a date, so he knocked on the door. Ron barely had to wait for Hermione to open it.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but the sight of her in front of him made his jaw drop and he was pretty sure his heart stopped briefly. She was gorgeous. Her mum had no doubt helped her tame her wild curls, and it looked like she was wearing just enough makeup to accentuate her features. Not like the grams of it Lavender would plaster on her face every day. Her chocolate brown eyes were brought out by a light layer of deep purple, which were staring at him in much the same way he was looking at her, with adoration. And Merlin, that dress. She wasn’t one to wear dresses casually. Not that this was casual or anything, but he’d only really ever seen her in her school uniform or formal wear. He needed to say something to snap himself out of it before he lost his senses completely.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“And you cut your hair,” she responded. “It suits you. You look really nice in muggle clothes.” Hermione smiled shyly at him. 

Ron smiled back at him as he rubbed his neck awkwardly. Why did this feel so weird? This was Hermione, his best friend. “Should we, er, get going? We’ve got a bit of a walk.”

Hermione nodded as she grabbed her purse and locked up. Ron held out his hand and she took it as they made their way down the sidewalk towards the restaurant. They were quiet for a while, until Hermione finally said, “Is it just me, or does this feel…”

“Weird?” Ron finished.

“Yes!” Hermione said through an exhale.

“Yeah...what’s wrong with us? We haven’t changed or anything,” Ron joked.

“I know,” Hermione said. He noticed her blush in the soft glow of the streetlight.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know, it’s just that- nevermind, it’s rubbish,” Hermione talked herself out of saying what she was thinking.

“No, tell me. Please?” Ron urged gently.

Hermione took a deep breath. “I guess I’m just worried I’m going to mess this up. I don’t want to do or say anything wrong,” she admitted.

“Me too,” Ron agreed. They walked another block or so, double checking street signs so they didn’t miss a turn.

“Do you think it’s like this for all couples who were friends first?” Hermione asked him.

“Er, yeah, could be. Never really thought about it, though.” Ron admitted.

“So, then, maybe we should just act like nothing’s really different. Let’s not put extra pressure on anything,” Hermione suggested.

Ron chuckled. “That works for me. I think this is it.” He pointed to a sign just up ahead.

They checked in at the hostess stand and were seated at a table on the edge of the main dining room. It felt more private than some of the other tables in the center of the room, and gave them a spectacular view of the ocean lit up by the moonlight.

As Ron began to look at the menu, he noticed the prices. It was expensive. They ordered their drinks from the server, and then they were alone again to look over the menu. 

“Er, Hermione,” Ron said, getting her attention. She peeked at him from over her menu. “I don’t know if I have enough to, er…”

He saw her eyebrows raise in understanding. “Don’t worry, Mum gave me her credit card. It’s taken care of.”

“But your parents have already done so much for us,” Ron protested. “And it’s our first, er second, date. I should pay..” That’s what a true gentleman did, wasn’t it?

“Please, it’s okay. They want to spoil us,” Hermione told him.

He sighed and gave in. It was either that or insist they leave, which could cause a scene and he didn’t want that either. “So then, what would you suggest for a meal?” he asked her, looking at the varieties of shellfish that he’d never had.

He ended up settling on a pasta dish that included a variety of seafood. Scallops, shrimp, and clams in a light wine and butter cream sauce. Hermione had chosen a salmon dish over risotto, and they’d split an appetizer of crab stuffed mushrooms. The meal was delicious, despite Hermione having to help guide him through eating so he wouldn’t accidentally consume any shells. 

They were browsing over the dessert menu as Hermione said, “Seafood always tastes better when it’s fresh, don’t you think?”

“I’m sure it does, not that I have much to compare it to. We’ll have to find a place when we’re back in England so I can see if there’s a difference.” 

His heart skipped a beat as he watched her face light up at his suggestion. “I’d like that.”

Their desserts came shortly after as they talked about what they wanted and needed to do when they got back to England. Ron had opted for a chocolate mousse cake, while Hermione chose creme brulee. She began picking at it about halfway through.

“Everything alright?” he asked her.

“Yes, of course! I’m just getting full, that’s all.” He could tell when she was lying because she didn’t make eye contact.

“Hermione…”

“I’m sorry about attacking you with the canaries sixth year,” she said through a grimace. “It was, um, brought to my attention that I never actually apologized about it.”

“That’s what was bothering you? It’s ancient history, Hermione, it’s fine.”

“See, you always say that, but it’s not. I can’t just physically hurt you when I’m angry at you. Like when I punched you after you came back to the hunt..”

“It’s...alright. I was a prat, too,” Ron tried to make her feel better.

“Yes, but you’ve never physically hurt me. I promise I won’t do that ever again. I’ll keep my emotions in check.” She met his eyes this time, indicating her sincerity.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ron smiled. “Now, can we discuss something a bit more light hearted?” He suggested.

Hermione smiled gratefully as she took another bite of her dessert. “Did you want to go to the cinemas?” She checked her watch. “If we hurry, the one Mum suggested starts in twenty minutes just down the street.”

“I don’t know. As much as I’d like to experience it, I think I’d rather take a walk on the beach if you wanted to.”

“I like that idea so much better,” Hermione smiled. “Mum will forgive me for not following her plan completely, I’m sure. Besides, I’m sure some movie will be playing on the telly when we get back.”

“Brilliant!”

After they paid for their meal, they exited the restaurant and crossed the street to one of the many public entrances to the beach. They chose to walk along the water where the sand was a bit harder, and headed in the direction of their temporary flat. Hand in hand, they meandered along.

“The waves are so much calmer here than at Shell Cottage,” Ron remarked.

“That’s because the weather is much nicer. Every body of water can be rough and choppy or smooth with gentle waves,” Hermione explained.

He knew that, of course, but sometimes he loved to listen to her explain things. It had become a sort of comfort to him years ago. He just pretended it annoyed him to get under her skin. “Do you know how many times I hoped that we could experience something like this, but was convinced we’d be dead by the end?” he asked softly.

“I know. We nearly were...several times,” Hermione said.

“How’d we make it out? How’d we get so lucky. We shouldn't have..” Ron had to catch himself before he went into a spiral as he was reminded of who they’d lost. Fred, in particular.

“Don’t think like that,” Hermione said gently as she squeezed his hand. “We are still here, and you know he would want us to make the most of that.”

She somehow always knew what to say when it counted the most. Ron felt a rush of emotion flood over him. He loved her so much. His feet stopped right there, and he pulled Hermione back when she kept walking and was caught by her fully extended arm, their fingers still intertwined together. “You’re right. And I’m the luckiest bloke alive to have this chance with you.”

The setting was perfect. Sand beneath their feet, the moon and stars shining down on them, creating a soft glow of light, and the gentle crashing of waves close by. He pulled her close to him, bending down to kiss her. Ron felt her arms snake around his waist, while his own split duties. One hand cupped her face while the other snaked in her hair. 

He deepened the kiss and allowed himself to forget they were on the beach as he became lost in her. All he could feel was her, as he hesitantly grazed her bottom lip with his tongue. She opened her mouth further, granting him entry, as his tongue gently moved in and explored her mouth. She eagerly met his tongue with her own as Ron’s hands began to move down her body. 

He wanted more. Not that he wanted to rush things, but he was so overcome with want that it was hard to think straight. It took a car horn blaring from the streets to draw them back into reality. They reluctantly broke apart as he sought her eyes with his own.

“I think we should get back to the flat,” Hermione said breathily.

Ron simply nodded, not trusting his voice. They’d have plenty of time on the beach tomorrow.

[ambidextrousarcher]

Sarcastic StarBharat Reviews-Episode 22: In which horny deer rishis set off a chain of events.

Hello everyone! I’m back after a VERY long hiatus, had some real life issues to deal with, along with the aggravation of changing an url and some online drama too. And I’m right in time for Diwali, too, yay! Happy Diwali, people! Also Happy Children’s day!

Tagging my usual taglist: @ambitiousandcunning @medhasree @shaonharryandpannisim @hermioneaubreymiachase @hindumyththoughts @chaanv @ratnas-musings @whydoyoucareaboutmyusername @justahappyreindeer @milesbianmorales @allegoriesinmediasres @pratigyakrishnaki @iamnotthat @adishaktis @ratnas-musings. Enjoy your day, everyone!

Review is under the cut.

PS: Nila updates- The Sarcastic StarBharat review of episode 18 is missing from my blog for some reason, I’ll reupload it. Also, for anyone who’s listening to my song covers, the next items are Karam Ki Talwar from Arjun the Warrior Prince, Moh Moh Ke Dhage from Dum Laga Ke Haisha and Jo Beji Thi Dua, from Shangai.

 Okay. Rehash is in order, along with some new nicknames. Till the last episode, Madri has reached Hastinapur, the precap of the last episode makes it clear that this is the episode with horny deer rishis.

I had made a numbering mistake in counting the number of canon fails, my bad, so, as of now, we’re at canon fail #49.

Here’s the nickname rehash and additions to be made-

1. Bhishm-Mr. Paragon of Perfection

2. Dhritrashtra- Mr. Drama Queen (Honorary mention-DisasterRashtra, courtesy of @iamnotthat)

3. Pandu-Honey Boy/Lord of Cheesy Lines

4. Gandhari-Ms. Always Patnidharma

5. Shakuni-Mr. Ominous Music/Mr. Annoying Poseur

6. Karn-Mr. Glitterwash

7. Kunti-Ms. Melodrama/Lady of Cheesy Lines

8. Amba (deceased)-Psycho Princess

9. Satyavati-Psycho Mum

10. Vichitraveerya (deceased)-Drunk Kid

Here are the new additions:

11. Vidur (finally)- Picking the line where he likens himself to a thorn during Pandu’s coronation, he’s Mr. Weepy Thorn.

12. Madri-Ms. Smarmy Tears

13. Krishn-(Parody version, anyway, also, FINALLY) Mr. Excess Gyaandaan.

Now, let’s get to business.

Alright, so, last episode, Gandhari was told that Drama Queen wants her in his chambers. Being the aadarsh, Ms. Always Patnidharma that she is, she goes immediately, and that’s where today’s episode of choice begins.

She stumbles in and stutters out her usual ‘Husband?’ (International viewers, please note, Hotstar has rolled out the English subtitles for your most unfavorite show. It translates ‘Arya’ as Lord, but I’m keeping the ‘husband’ variation, because no.)

Anyway. He shushes her. ‘Don’t say anything, Gandhari, just listen. The mind is so weird, isn’t it?’ Okay…why this sudden volte face? Ah, he’s trying to apologise, I guess? He says that he was absorbed in his negative emotions of hurt, grief and jealousy, but when no news of Honey Boy came from the battlefield, he realized that he still worries and cares for his little brother, and that he was merely unfortunate, not conspired against, concluding that he was unjust to Honey Boy. O…kay? Should I count this as a canon fail? Canon Dhritrashtra can be two-faced, so eh, leave it.

Ms. Patnidharma is shaking her head next to him, because of course, she’s that much of a doormat. ‘I was unfair to you too. I had rejected you, Gandhari, but if I realise my mistake, will you accept me?’ Ah. I see what this is. Anvil-shadowing. Just before Pandu ‘loses’ his ability to ‘be a husband’ Drama Queen and Patnidharma make up with each other. Newsflash, writers: Nothing is this clean cut.

Of course, that was precisely the opening Ms. Patnidharma was waiting for, so she feels her husband up as they hug. Drama Queen’s heart, apparently, very anomalously, is overflowing with happiness, now that he has unloaded his weakness onto Patnidharma, or so he says. Don’t believe him, though, don’t be the naïve idiot Patnidharma is, because that weakness of his wreaks bloody wrecking ball havoc in the future.  

‘So what if I don’t become the King?’ Excuse me. I just choked on my water. What’s up with this volte-face? Just what? ‘I have more respect here than the King himself!’ I think I’m gonna count this as canon fail #50 because nah, he ain’t gonna say this in any adaptation that’s sane. And of course, since he’s randy too, it seems, he goes ‘When you give me a son, he’ll be the eldest son and King after Pandu. I’ll also get the pleasure of being a King. Will you give me the gift of such a talented son?’ Ah. So that’s what the volte-face is for. Canon fail #50 cancelled. Drama Queen would say anything at all to get his way, that’s right. Patnidharma, predictably, goes all gushy. ‘Yes, husband, for your sake, I’ll go to the portals of Yamlok themselves!’ Ah, sheesh, sometimes, watching this show makes me think that I should projectile-yeet myself to Yamlok.

He laughs. ‘When the time comes,’ he says, ‘we’ll go to the portals of death together, Gandhari.’ Well, that, at least, is true. He continues that they still have many happy moments to experience. She nods, melting into his embrace.

Scene changes to a green vista, the whickering of horses heard. Madri, henceforth known as Ms. Smarmy Tears, is laughing, Ms. Melodrama being stony faced and stoic. (That’s a change, though the music manages to make even THAT dramatic) The camera focuses on a deer, and Smarmy asks Honey Boy to stop, because it’s a beautiful deer. Okay…I know what’s coming up next. Anvil-shadowing, anyone? I realise it was very long ago when we were introduced to Ms. Melodrama, but I’ll give you a short rehash. She was introduced saving a deer from hunters. Anyone got the hint? It’s an obvious ‘Madri is an evil witch!’ gambit. Please do not take it. I know that in canon, Kunti and Madri probably had a fractious relationship given the whole fracas over the boon, but I refuse to believe Madri would be this transparently biatch-y.

And…bingo! Smarmy says that the deer is absolutely unique, and follows it up with a request for its skin. Melodrama, of course, is having none of it. She passionately launches into defence of the deer’s children who’d be orphaned, basically echoing her very first piece of dialogue on this show. Do you think there’s a chance that they dubbed it in? I mean…I wouldn’t be able to say that twice with a straight face. But, whatever gives, I guess. Fawn get orphaned often, goes Smarmy. It’s not like I’m asking you for the position of the Queen, can’t you do this much for me? Since StarB has a thing of making women either bitches or doormat ditches, its Honey Boy who cuts in. ‘Speak of good things alone.’ Did this guy get a theology class between the ‘war’ and this moment? ‘I’ll get the deer for you, the rest of you please stay here.’ And then the show takes yet another opportunity to set Melodrama as good and Smarmy as bad, as Melodrama tries to give Smarmy a moral lesson about abstaining from killing for no reason, and Smarmy going all casteist (not sure if that’s the right word, since afaik Kunti’s maternal family are also Kshatriyas? Yadava is not one family. It’s an entire dynasty.) And here’s canon fail #50 and #51. #50 is the fact that Pandu, in canon, hunts the deer because he wants to. Madri has nothing to do with it in the text. #51 because the jibe about Yadavs being shepherds that Madri makes smacks of a misconception about politics in the MBH. The idea of ‘Yadavas’ being shepherds is present because of the lore of Krishn and Balaram in Gokul. While I’m sure there might be some branches of the family that may dabble in those pursuits, typically, considering the social structure of that time, Kunti’s family is of quite royal pedigree.

The scene switches to Honey Boy looking for deer, listening attentively to the rustling leaves. Really, this question goes for canon too, haven’t these guys learnt a thing at all from the whole Dashrath/Sravan Kumar fracas? That it is TOTALLY not a good idea to just randomly shoot in a random forest, anyone? At least sight the prey a little, no?

Regardless, he shoots an arrow, the tell-tale thunk is heard, followed by a human scream (the typically serial-ish ‘nahi, nahi!’ aka ‘no, no!’). Alarmed, he sets off in pursuit of the sound. The camera focuses on a bloody arrow then showing us a rishi and a rishin. ‘Maharishi Kidam?’ exclaims Pandu. ‘It was you?’ ‘What have you done? You shot an arrow without recognizing me! I was dallying (read: deer hanky-panky-ing) with my wife in the form of a deer, and you shot an arrow without considering that the grace and the form of the deer could only mean it is such?’ Okay, for all that I want to call this canon fail #52, I’ll be honest…because such a scene, at least one of Pandu killing Kidama when he’s in sexual congress with his wife in the form of a deer does happen. Sometimes, *sigh* canon itself is quite strange.

But…in the whole of this thing, I have an observation to make, a few questions to ask, in the context of this serial:

1. Madri saw only one deer? What was the deer rishi doing, a deer mating ritual of some sort? Where was the wife then?

2. Does what he said mean that there might be…other rishis doing deer hanky panky?

3. Kidama was a rishi, right? He’d have figured out Pandu wants the ‘deer’ when he saw them and vanished? He could have, IDK, sprinted off real quick, or turned back into human, or just vanished once more. Why escalate it this much?

Honey Boy is very contrite and begs for forgiveness. Canon fail #53. In canon, he basically goes, well, Kings hunt deer, why cry about it? (That is, the dialogue given to Madri to establish her as ‘bad’)  The deer rishi brings up the Dashrath point I gave above and says that Honey Boy’s crime can’t be pardoned, that he shouldn’t have killed a man in congress with his wife, so he curses him that he’ll die the moment he’ll have congress with any woman. Canon fail #54. The original curse specifies ‘his loved one’ not any random woman.

Cue dramatic panoramic shot and dramatic title bgm. Honey Boy is in tears. The rishi dies.

Scene changes and we’re back in Hastina, where the court fool is entering. He says he has a lot of questions. Mr. Weepy Thorn prompts him to ask his questions. So there’s this long drawn out riddle session that’s set up to predict that Gandhari is pregnant, and Drama Queen will be experiencing the love of a son soon. There’s happiness all round, lots of hugs too. Of course, this show takes no rest from anvil shadowing either, so exactly at this moment enters Honey Boy with his wives. Honey Boy is welcomed with joy and immediately apprised of the news. In his head, the dying deer rishi’s words echo, even as his wives smile by his side. (Ah, apparently, there’s anvil juxtaposition, too! Whee!)

Anyway. Satyavati notices he ain’t looking happy and she asks him if he got what she said. He manages to sponge her off, hug his brother and congratulate him. When he does that, Annoying Poseur closes his eye.

As he ascends the throne, deer rishi’s words come back to him, asking what kind of a King he is. Honey Boy refrains from climbing the final stair, turning. He says that he has something of great importance to announce, confessing that he has killed Kidama and is no longer worthy of being a King.

His announcement is met with shock all around, as he renounces the throne of Hastina. Cue dramatic title bgm again. Camera focuses on Satyavati (who’s quite less psycho nowadays), then panning one by one to Drama Queen, Paragon of Perfection, Smarmy, Melodrama, Patnidharma, Ambika, Ambalika, a grinning Poseur (both eyes open), back to Honey boy and Mr. Paragon as he drops his angvastr limply.

Scene changes as Mr. Perfection walks inside Honey Boy’s chambers and they have an argument about his responsibilities. Honey Boy puts forward that for all that Satyavati wants a worthy King, he is no longer worthy, that even Indra renounced heaven for the killing of a sage and meditated for eons, that mere charity and abstinence as suggested by Mr. Thorn and Kripacharya won’t be enough. He continues that the duty of a King, the man who holds the royal scepter is to dispense justice to his people. He asks who would mete justice out on a King? The camera pans out to Mr. Perfection, standing mute, ending the episode.

Alright, this whole thing is canon fail #55. Pandu does not go back to Hastina, he sets out immediately to atone. Also #56, his wives know everything as he does. He doesn’t keep it hidden from them.

Precap: ‘But the crime was ours’ says Smarmy. ‘the punishment, however, has to be borne by our yet unborn children!’ ‘You can’t ever have children.’ Announces Honey Boy, going on to inform them of the curse.

[ethanramseyyy]

OPEN HEART : SECOND YEAR CHAPTER 7

Wow! What a chapter. I feel like there was so much that happened in this chapter I don’t even know where to start. Just so you know the only diamond scene I bought was the one with Ethan so if anyone bought any of the others make sure to explain what happened/your opinion about it! Let’s start with the patient.

I love love LOVED the storyline including the girl that woke up after 13 years in a coma. I did not expect that to happen at all! I think that the storyline about her overdosing on drugs due to the stress of exams/school is a very challenging topic that I believe isn’t talked about enough. I think that choices developed the storyline just enough were it educated people on the damage of overdosing but also making sure it didn’t go into too much detail were people would feel uncomfortable reading it. I like that they also included Stephanie’s parents into the storyline as that doesn’t really happen a lot in Open Heart and it created a different dynamic to the character of Stephanie. As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts I really enjoy when Open Heart focuses abit more on the doctor aspect as I feel towards the end of OH1 it was more drama based, so I liked that in each book so far they’ve had at least 1 patient that the diagnostics team have studied and cured as this makes OH stand out from any other books on the choices app.

I picked the option to talk to Stephanie about smartphones. And I thought that scene was ADORABLE! I think the Open Heart MC is one of the best on the choices app, they are the perfect mix between badass but caring. I love that she (my character is female) treats every patient as a friend and makes them feel comfortable. And I like that June was more involved in this chapter as I feel like we haven’t really had much of a chance to talk with her on a friendship level and with this chapter it really explored more of the friendship between MC and Hirata. Obviously this backfired a little at the end but we will get into that one.

I ADORED the bit when we got to the apartment and Aurora and Sienna were making scones. It’s weird to think that we hated Aurora in the last book. They really did her character dirty during book 1. She fits so well into our friendship group. A lot better than What’s his face did anyway. To be honest the scenes with our friends are some of my favourite like I just think the relationship between MC and her friends is goals to be honest. I feel like Siennas Intern is a dick. Pardon my language but honestly, throughout the book so far Whenever we bring up our interns or anything to do with the hospital with Sienna she seems to be really upset and then pretends that everything is ok. I really hope we get to see what is actually happening between Sienna and her intern. I think it might be something to do with her intern not seeing her as an authority figure as she’s quite a young and ditsy person. Frankly I don’t care as long as he stops upsetting sienna. She’s so cute 🥺.

I like that our feud with Declan has now changed to a feud between Jackie and Declan. I was honestly scared that she was doing something really dodgy with the labs especially since she’s having money issues. I’m just glad she’s not going to leave to go to some other hospital or get her medical licence revoked.

When Hirata said she knew MC and Ethan had history. I nearly had a heart attack. Did he tell her!? If he did that is the cutest thing ever. But if he didn’t then did Naveen tell her, we all know that Naveen wants MC and Ethan together more than any of us Ethan Stans. I just want to know how she knows. Also we don’t use the past tense when talking about MC and Ethan’s relationship. Not so much History but Ongoing romance. To be honest she came across as quite intrusive and manipulative but I don’t want to judge her character too quickly!

Whenever Ethan’s mother comes up you can literally see how upset he is about it. It actually breaks my heart, i just want him to be happy 😔. The fact that we persuaded him to not so much go and see her but try and get some answers at least. Obviously I chose the option to go with him for obvious reasons.

When he said he might not recognise her my heart literally shattered. I don’t know why but that line was so so upsetting. The fact that he was scared he wouldn’t recognise her. I think the storyline between Ethan and his mum is quite a sensitive storyline and something that happens to a lot of people and I think it’s really nice that @playchoices aren’t too scared to go into depth with storylines like this. It really shows people of all ages can have bad relationships with their parents for whatever reasons.

When he got so happy when thinking about his mum and dad being happy together, it was so nice to see him have happy memories from when his parents were together. You can tell that he does love her but just can’t find it within himself to actually forgive her. And that’s where MC comes to the rescue. Hopefully, we get to see Ethan and his mother’s relationship develop abit more (which I’m sure we will do) as soon as he’s willing to actually speak to her face-to-face.

Can we just talk about how spot on they got Ethan’s parents. They 👏🏻 really 👏🏻 did 👏🏻 that. You can actually tell that he’s related to them which is a very very good thing compared to some other books.

And then. Ethan Jonah Ramsey held our hand ALL THE WAY back to Edenbrook. And people say romance is dead. I loveee that he always goes to MC for support like it’s just a habit now. @playchoices are literally doing the best job at making Ethan and MCs relationship seem more emotional and not just physical and although I love that, I do just want a 30 diamond scene in his office, on his desk. Is that too much to ask for.

But of course all good things must come to an end. Especially when Stephanie took our advice completely wrong and decided to hop in her wheelchair and pop off to Mass Kenmore. What is with peoples infatuation with that damn hospital. Do they not know that Edenbrook has the BEST doctors. And the best name. What kind of name is Mass Kenmore. I liked Stephanie’s character and I’m so annoyed that she left. But also what happened with the money from the guy in the last chapter. Did they just forget about that. Like we won the competition which means we won the money right?! Maybe I’m confused but I could have sworn that he was meant to pay the hospital. Anywayssss..

This chapter really was one of the best. I feel like I say that all the time but it was jam packed with information. And plenty of diamond scenes. Like I said I only got one so I could only really talk about the one with Ethan so if anyone would like to Explain what happened in the others that would be truly appreciated. I would like to give a special mention to Bryce stans as he didn’t seem to make an appearance well not when I played it anyway, so just know we are thinking about you 🙌🏽. For anyone that celebrates Easter I hope you have/ are having a good Easter weekend and if not I hope you are having a good weekend. I hope everyone is well and staying safe 💛

(Sorry this took forever there was just so much to say)

[theafictionado]

So we watched (nay, Experienced) the BBC/Netflix Dracula series

Brought to us by everyone’s favourite team, Steve Moff and Mark Gatiss, promising to be an innovative and exciting new vision of the classic novel

Boy it was definitely something!!!

First I will say: obviously Moff is not my favourite TV writer and my fam and I did go into this with a bias. I’m happy to report, though, that it’s going to be one of these shows that haunts me forever, because if it had just been bad I could have said “bleh” and deleted it from my brain. But because parts of this were genuinely cool, interesting, and fun, and parts of it genuinely had potential, all the bits that were bad stand out as so much worse and the whole thing feels as cursed as a 500 year old undead count. 

Things that were enjoyable and well put-together:

Van Helsing has been gender-swapped into a vampire-hunting nun and her cat-and-mouse game with Dracula is rife with belligerent sexual tension. I was ready to hate this, and ready for like, Sherlock and Irene Adler 2.0, but their dynamic was actually pretty fun to watch! Their power balance is kept even throughout most of the show, and Helsing is never struck down because of ~womanly failings~ or infantilised. She’s consistently really clever and, even if there are some cringey one-liners, I found her and Draccy’s playful quest to murder each other one of the most fun parts of the show. It could’ve been better, but it was enjoyable! (I also like how Helsing isn’t Young and Hot, but is a capable older lady, and her actor and Draccy’s even seem about the same age. Amazing)

The second episode is a spooky murder mystery/horror mini-movie on a ship, with a cast full of interesting characters who all had different things going on and different relationship dynamics that were compelling to watch. There’s even an interracial gay couple! And they’re like, written pretty sympathetically and to be layered and flawed in ways that didn’t feel too stereotypical! And they don’t die first!! Wack! I understand the bar is on the ground, but it’s still worth a mention

Some fun with vampire lore: Draccy absorbs knowledge and traits from people he drinks blood from (which is how he learns languages. Get Duolingo, dude, stop eating people), leading to the intriguing suggestion that myths like “vampires will die in sunlight” and “vampires are afraid of holy symbols” have kinda become real to him even if they don’t literally work, because he’s swallowed so many people to whom these superstitions and beliefs were law. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has been done, but groundbreaking or no it was kinda neat

Things that were not enjoyable and well put-together:

EVERYTHING ELSE

Episode 1: a weird speedrun of most of the original novel, feat. weaponised nuns and a weird fixation on whether or not Jonathan Harker and Draccy boned. They did not. Dracula pops out of the body of a wolf and he’s Whole Ass Naked. Him and Van Helsing have a power play where she stands just on the threshold of a convent and calls him a little bitch, knowing he can’t come and get her. A knife is licked. 

Episode 2: aforementioned cool ship horror story. Definitely the best ep. It really makes me think about hbomb’s critique that Moff is pretty good at doing standalone stories (and pilots), but when things are tied into a bigger narrative things get zonkers. 

Episode 3: Things Get Zonkers!!

Let me just. Okay. I have the most to say about this one because this is where things really got batshit. And yet, also really boring? How does that figure? Anyway:

Dracula emerges from under the sea and finds that 123 years have passed and he’s now the star of a Modern AU. Upon setting foot on British sand he is immediately accosted by what appears to be an anti-vampire task force. There’s a helicopter. It is later explained how they knew to pounce on him at this exact moment, but holy god it was wild to watch the entire British Secret Service descend on this one wet bastard in a suit

The editing shifts aggressively in the direction of Sherlock. Mark Gattis is there playing an amazingly annoying character. There’s a fuckign.... Underground Secret Society devoted to studying vampires and they put Drac in a Designated Glass Prison for Smug Geniuses (also as seen in Sherlock). Van Helsing is dead but her great-great-grand-niece is played by the same actress and. Okay. Van Helsing, vampire hunting nun, possesses her descendent and rises through the ether to roast Drac one last time, and he’s DELIGHTED TO SEE HER AGAIN. 

And she has cancer, right, so her blood is poisonous when Draccy tries to bite her, but in the end, right, the end of the episode, right, the final shots of the show, he comes to a place where he’s willing to die, and she’s already dying, and so he drinks her blood and they die together on a table while cinematic metaphor vision shows them having sex in the middle of the sun

There was a badly CGI-ed vampire baby. Jonathan Harker falls from a tower and a scene later they flash back to this event by reversing the footage of him falling down, meaning we just see him go VWOOP up through the air, bouncing off the wall on the way. Van Helsing says the words “come boy, suckle” when she’s goading Drac into drinking her blood. The show sits in a weird middle ground where the characters talk about sex a lot (”dID yOu HaVe sExUaL iNterCOURSE with COUNT DRACULA?”) and Drac is clearly meant to be super magnetic and sexy but the characterisation and cinematography is not horny at all. People have these sexy-type dreams of their lover of choice when Drac is drinking their blood but even those are very boring and weirdly chaste, except of course for the final one where, if I  can take the chance to remind you, Van Helsing and Dracula have symbolic Mind Palace sex inside the centre of the solar system

I can’t speak too much on its quality as an adaptation since I actually haven’t read the book, but splitting the story so that some characters (the Harkers, Van Helsing) existed in the time the story is set, and some (Lucy, Dr Seward) exist in The Modern AU felt very strange. Was there any reason to set the third episode in modern times, apart from the fact that I guess they wanted to do their Sherlock thing again? Or, perhaps, because they wanted to do their Jekyll thing again?? Oh my god, that’s what the editing reminds me of - the small clips of Jekyll I’ve seen. The zooming. The slow-mo. The emphasis on The Monster Man’s weird goddamn teeth

(Also, I don’t really feel qualified to dig too deep into it, but I will say there felt something a bit uncomfortable about Lucy being black in this version, while also being written to be very promiscuous and vain. idk. Also, since it happened in an ep of Sherlock as well, “weedy white Nice Boy rescues the Very Cool woman of colour he has a tragically unrequited crush on” is now an official Moffattis trope)

Count Moffatula is an experience. Its pacing is buck wild. The speeding through the original plot and the mish-mashing of elements in the Modern AU section feels like another expression of contempt for the source material on Moff’s part. Someone says “reality is overrated” in a show set in the 1890s. Draccy quotes a Beatles song. He also makes quippy allusions to having eaten various famous figures and basically winks at the camera every time. Granted, this wasn’t as obnoxious as I was maybe expecting, but there are still too many lines of dialogue where you think “oh, the writers high-fived each other after they wrote that one, huh”. The fact that Moff has such vitriol against fan fic writers is more and more grating every day because this is so, so clearly a zany-ass fanfic that he happens to be getting paid for. The costumes are nowhere near as nice as they could have been, and Dracula’s cape looks like his mum made it for him for the school play in which he is playing Dracula. 

This show is So Much. Watch it to share in this fever dream. Or don’t, and save approximately 5 hours of your life. God. 5 hours. Who was I before Count Maffatula. Who am I now. Why was his cape so bloody ugly. Why did they bone in the centre of the sun

[apriki]

RISE OF SKYWALKER

IT HAS BEEN SEEN MY FRIENDS... LET’S GO

IT WAS A LOVE STORY ALL ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU. GUYS. I AM SO... ALIVE RIGHT NOW I 

okay that opening scrawl i laughed so hard... THE DEAD SPEAK!!

‘supreme leader kylo ren’ will never not be funny

OKAY OPENING WITH KYLO I SCREAMED.... HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN TO YOU.... HOW MUCH

okay and his ruthless hell bent search for this silly macguffin.... we love a demonic legend

and ALSO his determination to kill the past!!!!!! HE HAS LITERALLY BEEN CIRCLING THIS THE WHOLE SERIES

look, i am biased because kylo is my favourite and he has been the one thing that’s been consistently written and done across this trilogy and i’m very spoiled because i got everything i wanted here

but KYLO REN. KYLO REN!!!!!!!!!!!

laughed my ASS off at the snoke in the tube and palpatine being like ‘surprise bitch.... bet you thought you’d seen the last of me’

laughed decidedly LESS at ‘i’ve been every voice you’ve ever heard in your head’

look this isn’t going to be a review.... just my thoughts really and this decidedly isn’t a comparison with the last jedi which it seems like everyone wants to do in a weird victorious kind of way

but kylo killing snoke/his abuser in tlj was a terrifying powerful moment to watch and i loved it fiercely and still do, and for kylo to see that he hadn’t done that at all.... and that evil still abides.... fucking nightmare, honestly

and that’s when i started getting a feeling in the back of my head because look he is so determined to kill the past

(let the past die)

that he will kill himself as well to do it. that has always been kylo’s character since the very beginning. SO!!!!!

also the structural integrity of palp’s hideaway.... not great

palps: kill rey heh heh

kylo: i am absolutely not gonna do that but okay

omfg when kylo was like ME AND MY KNIGHTS OF REN ARE GOING HUNTING

i cannot explain to you how HILARIOUS the knights of ren are to me

they do nothing! they say nothing! they just stand around and look stupid in their stupid helmets..... i laughed every single time they were on screen

it’s like kylo’s uselessness manifests into what 6? 7 more useless things. the Knights of Ren

‘we’re going hunting’ are you TWELVE YEARS OLD

this film felt like it was going a million miles an hour, all the time, and that started for me in that first scene in the falcon which was going all over the place? for some reason?

anyway THERE’S A MOLE IN THE FIRST ORDER and i know it is hux but i kind of wanted it to be kylo on the side.... though i know he is not capable of any such subterfuge. about as subtle as a wrecking ball... and my SON

loved the comraderie with poe and finn. i liked the lived-in feeling of the relationships between the rebellion characters this time around

felt like they had that new alien dude in the falcon for no reason and for two seconds like... why

(to sell toys, of course. the same reason why they have a new tiny droid)

but that of course is just the first in a long line of new and underdeveloped characters in this movie. but you know what? i can accept this because the core emotional story was strong and also, it’s star wars? a big sprawling mess is what it has always, always been. ANYWHOMST

REY IN THE FOREST LEVITATING!!!!

the white outfit!!! how at one she is with nature??? SORRY IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

and okay the specific framing of rey and rey’s power in this movie as not only a part of the force but so specifically as a woman using the force... like the power of empathy! the power of healing!!! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL WHATEVER

when she called leia her MASTER? MY HEART

THE POWER OF WOMEN!!!

on the flip side, doesn’t it kind of feel like poe has a problem with women?

like as soon as he started riffing with rey i was like GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

but in hindsight i feel kind of better about them and their interactions... more on that later

FINN! finn in this movie was WONDERFUL

(except it annoyed me how they had the whole ‘there’s something i want to say to you’ and never had him say it... like even if he was going to say he loved rey okay just don’t leave it hanging like that?)

FORCE FUCKING SENSITIVE!!!!!!

look i really think they did they best they could with a really difficult job in incorporating leia and previous footage into this movie. it wouldn’t have felt right without her and the scenes were a bit clunky but again, a very very difficult thing to do

LEIA AND REY’S RELATIONSHIP..... MY HEART HURTS

i love that rey’s storyline has depth and motivation and kylo’s storyline is literally revolving around rey like she’s the sun

like i literally love this. MORE OF THIS!!!

FORCE BOND STILL EXISTSSSSSSSS

KNEW IT CALLED IT CLAIMED IT LOVE IT

the soft gasp rey does whenever kylo is about to show up for forceskype i love this song

the knights of ren standing around while kylo’s helmet got fixed omfg they are the stupidesttttt

kylo: maybe i don’t want to wear the helmet

the knights of ren: maybe shut the fuck up 

Let’s Go To Burning Man

i actually kind of liked seeing these people doing their own cool cultural thing. like again this movie went at lightspeed but i did enjoy that. what’s better than this? just aliens being dudes

when rey talked to that little girl and she asked her last name i was like LOLLLL HERE WE GOOOOOOOO

as soon as lando showed up it was like ‘oh it’s lando’

‘i offered you my hand’

‘I’LL OFFER YOU MY HAND AGAIN’ 

WHY DID HE SAY THIS... LIKE IT WAS A PROPOSAL

I WAS SCREECHING SORRY... WOW.

i have never really found C3PO funny but um he was going off in this movie... when they all looked at him and then he looked away I CACKLED

and the mind wipe like whew man... one day we’re gonna have a conversation about Droids And The Uncomfortable Conclusions About Droids in these movies

but also, i wish they’d had the guts to stick with it and not restore his memory because, what a symbol for the past dying and the end of a saga? like 3PO has been there since the start!! the star wars live in his memory banks ???? and R2 as well i suppose

don’t think too long about this cause then you realise that for some reason they’re still using like 80 year old iphones and R2 and 3PO should be decommissioned for scraps

WHEN HE TOOK THE NECKLACE OFF HER I FOUND IT HOT I FOUND IT SEXY I FOUND IT UMMMM

the sand was a cool visual thing but then THE SNAKE

it felt so GREEK HERO MYTH but then rey stops the script!!

AND DOESN’T FIGHT IT

AND SHE HEALS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as soon as rey healed that snake i was like

‘kylo ren is that snake’

blah blah dagger blah

the sith language and being forbidden actually interests me. i want more proper sith lore

basically i want a revan and bastila movie. make it so

keri russell was WASTED in this movie

but that one scene with her and rey where they had Mutual Respect was so much better and more important than anything she did with poe

poe is like... sure i guess. i mean i liked him better in this movie than tlj and i liked him more as the movie when on but hmmst 

but hey if i get to have a kylo then the poe people can have i poe. i begrudge no one

except, uh.... hux people. y’all really got done this movie huh. ouch

double as bad cause there was literally no point to the new general character. should have just been hux and then had him die in the final battle?

but i laughed when he was like ‘i don’t want you to WIN. i want kylo to LOSE’

THAT’S KING PETTY 

omfg when kylo was like ‘where are you’ and then saw the vader mask and was like ‘oh you’re in my room’

SCREECHED

KYLO’S EVIL BOARD MEETING

LAUGHED MY ASS OFF

WHEN HE SMACKED THAT DUDE TO THE ROOF

sorry the first order is a startup. not even an ‘evil’ one especially because they’re all just a bit evil 

when kylo reacted to that guy saying ‘we should take more children’ and the small thread winding through this movie about children being indoctrinated and rey and ben stopping THAT cycle.. important to me and i wish it had been bigger but i was glad it was there 

all kylo did in the first half of this movie was chase after his girlfriend and tell her how they were meant to be together and that he wasn’t going to kill her even though he should. i love one stupid man

kylo flying his ship at rey deliberately wanting to ‘push her’ and her jumping over it and crashing the whole damn thing

and then him just getting up and walking out of the wreck not a scratch on him

like some kind of hero in a romance novel in his stupid cape lmfaoaoooo... you love to see it

THE PUSH/PULL WITH THE TRANSPORT?

THEIR POWERRRRRR

and then rey with her fuckin LIGHTNING

as soon as that happened i was like, oh lol rey palps then....

but also, THE LOOK OF WONDER BUT ALSO VICTORY ON KYLO’S FACE

ADAM DRIVER SIR

okay to be honest the whole soujourn to the like space swiss village is kind of a blur to me

keri russell was wasted, did i say that already?

although okay that bit when poe was like ‘were you a stormtrooper? were you a scavenger?’ maybe give him his rights

when kylo said WE’RE TWO PARTS OF THE SAME BEING

A DYAD

TWO WHO ARE AS ONE 

two? WHO ARE? AS ONEEEEEE

NEITHER WHOLE WITHOUT THE MOTHERFUCKING OTHER I 

‘i never lied to you’ AND HE NEVER HAS AND NEVER FUCKING DIDDD!!!!!

all the stormtroopers getting knocked back and kylo steadying himself with the force lol... it’s these little things ok 

JODIE COMER? 

rEy PaLpAtInE

I LAUGHED MY ASSSS OFFFFFFF

like... sure jj. sure

look, i have always understood and respected the choice to make rey ‘nobody’ (like anakin was! the force just makes who it needs to create the balance!) but if rey was going to be anyone i guess.... this is the best choice?

and i think there IS merit in the story going from ‘person burdened with legacy vs person with no legacy’ to ‘person with a legacy of good turning evil and person with a legacy of evil turning good’

i gotta think longer and more about this but. besides its inherent silliness i do not hate this ‘twist’ 

this movie jumped from planet to planet like a ping pong ball! it felt a bit jarring but my mum pointed out that the galaxy IS big and they’ve never really done this before and i was like hmmm Points Were Made

THE FIGHT ON THE OLD DEATH STAR

KYLO DODGING REY’S SWIPES AND NOT EVEN PULLING HIS SABER UNTIL HE HAD TO

THEN ONLY FIGHTING DEFENSIVELY

and her DESPERATION

ALMOST LIKE SHE’S FIGHTING HERSELF

BECAUSE THEY ARE TWO HALVES! OF ONE WHOLE!

and then oh my god

‘you can’t go back to her (leia). just like i can’t’

and the VICTORY in his eyes and the acknowledgment of the truth in hers

because THEY ARE THE SSSAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEE

when rey SCREECHED and force threw finn back.... oh fuck

(sidebar the way finn was so determinedly THERE for rey this whole movie... even when she said about the sith throne... his faith in her didn’t waver im verklempt)

WHEN HE DISAPPEARED AND REY LOOKED BACK HORRIFIED

because he can’t go! because the fight is what they have and what she’s clinging on to!

AND THEN HE WALKED UP OUT THE WATTTTEERRRRRRRRR

absolute romantic nonsense.

AND THEN

SHE KILLED HIM

SHE KILLED HIM!!!!!!

SHE KILLED KYLO REN WITH HIS OWN DAMN CRUCIFIX SWORD

I COULD NOT

BE LEEEEAAAF

THIS HAS BEEN MY DREAM ENDGAME SINCE THE START AND IT’S HERE TWO THIRDS THROUGH THE FUCKING LAST MOVIE?

A GIFT. LICH RALLY A GIFT TO MEEEEE

leia gave her LIFE for her SON I...

this was the only moment in the movie where i started to get some tears cause like... IT WAS JUST SO MUCH

AND REY.... TOOK LEIA’S ENERGY THROUGH THE FORCE... 

AND SHE PUT HER HANDS ON HIM

AND SHE HEALED HIM

SHE’S A SCAVENGER

SHE FIXES BROKEN THINGGGGSSSSS

HE DIED BECAUSE SHE KILLED HIM 

AND HE LIVES BECAUSE SHE HEALED HIM... 

WHEN. WILL. YOUR. FAVES?????????

‘I WANTED TO TAKE YOUR HAND. BEN’S HAND’

take my hand? take my whole life too

IIRENGOWENRGKLJEWNGFKJBKJBKJBKJLB

ALL THE BEAUTIFUL WINDSWEPT CLOSE UP SHOTS OF KYLO’S BEAUTIFUL WINDSWEPT FACE IN THIS MOVIE. I WAS BREATHLESS

KYLO STNADING ON THE EDGE OF THAT SEA WITH THE WIND GOING AND HIS LEG OUT LIKE THE STUPID BYRONIC HERO HE IS

HEATHCLIFF? HEATHCLIFF ON THE MOOR?

HAN’S HAND ON BEN’S FACE

HE CALLED HIM. DAD

‘kylo ren is dead’

OHHHHHH BABBBBYYYYYY

look i loved the crossguard saber but i understood why it had to go

and like ben shedding the persona he had built as a defence mechanism... rey killed that part of him? powerful too powerful

i know i have rose coloured glasses because i care about the core story of kylo/rey enough and i’m passionate enough about it but okay the way they are entwined with one another on the journey to identity is the greatest thing a silly blockbuster series has maybe ever given me 

it’s tam lin. IT’S FAIRY TALE NONSENSE AND I LOVE IT 

i 100% know in my bones they wanted the scene with han to be leia but they obviously couldnt have that so that was fine. when ben turned his head around and heard her and felt her.... DONT LOOK AT ME

the most emotional moment in this movie was when chewie heard about leia and broke down and collapsed and screamed

:(

us too buddy. damn 

rey stealing kylo’s ship and yeeting away lmfao

and when she went back to ach-to and burned it and was like IM STAYING HERE 4EVA >:(

she’s literally the exact same stupid reckless as kylo and i love

rose was wasted in this movie. very annoying

i DID laugh when they said ‘we should pull a holdo manoeuvre’ like of course that’s the one thing jj took from tlj. ohhhh jj

loved finn meeting the ex stormtrooper lady. i always felt like the one weakness of tlj is that it dropped this thread of finn’s indoctrination that i thought was being woven alongside rey and kylo’s issues with their childhoods in force awakens. the look of wonder on his face when she said that the whole battalion defected.... and saying the force lead them to do it like it lead him... and you could see john boyega feeling that with his whole heart!!!

i laughed at palps’ fleet of star destroyers that like all have death star capabilities now? so dumb

and also, a star destroyer is basically an aircraft carrier.... do you think the people who make star wars realise the empire is america? no...??? alright imma head out

missed opportunity for a shot of jar jar or a gungan when the galaxy fleet showed up like those towboats at dunkirk. to be HONEST

where did sheev palps find that stadium of goons? are they on retainer?

yeah so palpatine’s lair is the underworld and rey is eurydice and ben is orpheus. YEAH. YEAHHHHHHHHH

LEIA WAS TRAINED AS A MFING JEDI

THAT FLASHBACK WAS EVERYTHING FUCK

LEIA’S SABER!!!!!!!!!

i have Questions about leia ‘seeing her son dying at the end of her journey’ like ?

BUT HER PUTTING AWAY THE SABER TO PROTECT BEN!!!!

THIS FAMILY

fuck. benjy solo in that jumper.... USING A BLASTER LIKE HIS DAD.....

THE X WING AND THE TIE FIGHTER PARKED NEXT TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!

PALPATINE CALLING THEIR BOND ‘AS POWERFUL AS LIFE AND THE FORCE ITSELF’

NOT FOR GENERATIONS HAS THEIR BEEN A DYAD LIKE THEM!!!

FUCKING

DESTINED

BITCH

THEY ARE EACH OTHER’S DESTINY? WOW SORRY.... WOWOWOOWOOWOWOOWOWOW

ben versus his idiot knights of ren.... yeah i love my son

sorry rey had a vision of her AND kylo sitting on the throne but the throne is.... one seat? what are the logistics here? her on his lap? him on her lap? both of them sitting on an armrest like awkward kids taking a photo with santa?

I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES COMPLETELY DISTRACTED

THE LITTLE SHRUG BEN DID WHEN HE GOT THE LIGHTSABER AND WAS LIKE ‘YEAH SORRY NOW YOU’RE GONNA DIE’

I SCREAMED. IM LOVE HIM

rey giving ben the saber through the force bond!!

ACROSS SPACE??? LOVE THAT TRANSCENDS THE WORLD

palpatine taking, SPECIFICALLY, the power of rey and kylo’s BOND to strengthen himself because it is THE STRONGEST THING IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE???????? CANONICALLY????????

REY AND BEN FIGHTING WITH LUKE AND LEIA’S SABERS

FUCKING... I FUCKING....

when palps like flicked ben away sorry i laughed... i mean i was like REALLY? FOR THE BIG FINALE HE’S GONE? but i understood why and that rey is the hero etc etc

THE JEDI SPEAKING TO REY! OBI WAN! QUI GON FUCKIN JINN

yoda is there too

AND THE POWER OF THE JEDI FLOWING THROUGH HER!!!!!

god her power.... SHE AMAZES MEEEE

(initially i thought ben was gonna kill palps for rey because of the whole The Sith Live in My Killer thing and then she’d have to kill him but HOISTED ON HIS OWN PETARDDD)

palpatine:

and the power was too much and it killed her ooooof

(the power of being a legacy... of channeling all that has some before!!! these movies get so ridiculously meta sometimes. best believe we’ll talk about THIS)

BUT HERE COMES BEN

BENJY BOYYYYY

his hair JUST long enough to be scraggly and devastating

literally dragging a broken leg 

ADAM DRIVERS PHYSICALITY IN THESE MOVIES (WELL ALWAYS) (BUT SPECIFICALLY IN THIS ROLE)

and he knows

WHAT HE HAS TO DOOOO

HE FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING HE LOVED ENOUGH TO DIE FOR

I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS 

when he held her body holy shit... HOLY SHIT, GUYS

FULL CIRCLE????CVMSDFJNVDSLKFJVLDKJFVLKJDBFV

A PIETA.... A FUCKING PIETA

OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE

and his heartbroken face.... stumbling back to her... oh my good goddd

and then

‘I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO BUT I’M AFRAID TO DO IT’

HE DIED FOR HER

HE GAVE.... HIS LIFE..... FOR HER.....

I CANNOT BE LIEVE THISSSSSS

HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE!!!!! HIS FUCKING LIFE!!!

he fought.... his whole life.... and he gave it up....

THAT’S LOVE? THAT’S FUCKING TRUE LOVE HOLLYL SKDJBVDKBF

REVAN AND BASTILA!!!!! REVAN AND BASTILA!!!1

and then she was alive again!!! ROMEO AND JULIET OKAY WOW

AND 

THEY

KISSED

I’M SORRY I DID FREAK THE FUCK OUT

HIS SOFT EYES

(super spoilery shot coming up here but)

OH MY GOD

FOR FUCK’S

SAKE.

i’m sure people will be mad about how little kylo like... talked in this movie but like sorry this was perfect

she saved his life! and she saved the world! and he quietly gave his life to her, for her?

this humble act of love? PURE LOVE?

WHAT WONDERFUL AND TERRIBLE THINGS THEY ARE CAPABLE OF. 

THAT THEY PUSH EACH OTHER TO

THIS TRILOGY WAS MADE FOR ME AND ONLY ME. THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION

and her look of JOY and she said, ‘BEN’

look. i have been on the record for YEARS as saying my dream endgame would be for rey to kill kylo and for him to be forceghost with her always

AND SOMEHOW UMMMM THIS IS BETTER?

1. SHE DID! KILL HIM! AND THEN BROUGHT HIM BACK

2. AND THEN HE WILLINGLY DIED FOR HER? 

3. AND NOW SHE CARRIES HIM WITH HER ALWAYS??????

when his body faded and leia’s did too..... wo OOOOOOOOOOWWWW

SHE TOOK

HIS FUGGIN

LAST NAMMMEMELRKNWELKJBNLKJBFLKJBFKLRBJKLERJB

I’M SORRY THIS MOVIE WAS MADE FOR ME. KYLO REN WAS BREWED UP F O R MEEEEEEE

listen. there is a video game where a lady’s boyfriend gets killed and his soul goes into a sword and she carries the sword around with her

THAT IS THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

I CARRY YOUR HEART I CARRY IT IN MY HEART BITCH??????

THE FUCKING ORANGE SABER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and look. ben’s story is allowed to be just about rey and rey’s is allowed to be bigger than just him. that’s EQUALITY. that’s JUSTICE

look i know it’s very douchey of me but i wrote this paragraph about a character of mine in a book i wrote and it is like..... LIKE IT’S JUST KYLO REN OKAY

he was never gonna be someone who could settle down and live like a quiet life of monkhood or whatever luke was doin on ach-to.... 

okay when finn poe and rey hugged at the end okay I DID FEEL SOMETHING IN MY COLD DEAD HEART

FINN JUST LOVES THEM! SO MUCH! THERE IS SO MUCH LOVE IN THAT BOY’S HEART

and probably up until that moment i hadn’t really cared about having a Trio in the new movies like we had han and leia and luke but that hug had me feeling like... okay... Friendship IS Great

okay back to kylo, i tweeted this but i’ll repeat here: my favourite arc in media has always been snape’s, to me it is the perfect ‘redemption’ arc (and yes this will make people scrunchy-nosed angry, so i will point out: redemption to me has always meant redemption in the eyes of the reader/viewer, not in-world, this is true for anakin/vader too, who also has a nearly flawless ‘redemption’ arc) but now it’s kylo solo ren ben

I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CAN’T STAND IT A LITTLE

HE FELL IN LOVE? AND IT SAVED HIM

HE WAS LOST AND HE FOUND HIS OTHER HALF

AND HE DIED BECAUSE SHE WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY IT ALL

CARRY THE LEGACY WHEN HE COULDN’T!!!

IT’S JUST SOSSOOSOOSOSOOSSO

i want a funko pop of ben in his comfy jumper running to fuck sheev palps the fuck up

i don’t even LIKE funko pops

naboo has a lot to answer for. literally all of these problems come from naboo

sure this movie was a big ole mess and i surely can’t wait for the good old disk horse

but i’m riding this high for as long as i can

because it was always about LOVE! LOVE CAN IGNITE THE STARS

so sure, this movie pandered terribly. but i am one of the people it pandered to and i am HAPPY INDEED

remember when maz kanata was like ‘your parents aren’t coming back but there is someone who still could’ YEAH IT WAS BEN!!!!!

:)

[returnn-of-the-mac]

So there’s this NPC from Borderlands 2 named Face McShooty. He wants to be shot in the face. So how would companions react when one day, an unarmed raider comes up to Sole Survivor’s face and starts screaming hysterically for them to shoot him in the face?

Sorry I’m only just getting to this now, I have like 2 weeks worth of headcanons in my inbox; I’m trying to through to them as fast as I can! I’ve never played the Borderlands games, but my boyfriend has and when he saw this request he got a kick out of it. Also, I know you wanted a raider, but I felt like Sole & crew would immediately attack a raider, unarmed or not, so I changed it to a crazy settler so there could be more opportunities for dialogue/interaction. Hope that’s okay with you! Anyway, thank you for your patience and please enjoy!😄

Edit: I FUCKING FORGOT HANCOCK but I added him in! *dodges rotten tatos*. I’m ashamed for forgetting such a fabulous ghoul. I like to change up the order of the companions so it’s different every time, so that’s probably how it happens. My b.

Edit 2: Preston was the first react I did for this one, but *apparently* I don’t know how to copy & paste correctly and I missed him. So I added him at the bottom. Sorry bout that, folks.

FO4 Companions React: Crazy Man Asking to be Shot in the Face

Sole and their companion where just leaving their newly captured settlement, Outpost Zimonja, when they head rustling in the bushes. Fully alert, the pair approached the bush, expecting a mole rat or mongrel to attack. Instead, a man jumped out of the bush. He was almost completely naked and had a target painted on his face. He immediately ran up to Sole, got up in their face, and started violently chanting “Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!”:

Gage: “Listen up, punk. Ya better lay off. Ya don’t know who you’re messin with.” The man ran up to Sole and his deranged chanting became more aggressive. Gage glanced at Sole. “Do whatcha wanna do, boss. If it were me, I’d fuck this guy up.” Sole pulled out their gun and shot the man in the face without a second thought. Gage smirked. “Good choice. This is why your in charge, boss.”

X6-88: “Are you positive that’s what you want, sir?” X6 asked the settler. “Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!” the settler continued to chant. X6 looked at Sole and gave them a knowing nod. Sole whipped out their weapon and shot the man in between the eyes.

Deacon: “Chill out, buddy. You wanna talk it out?” The man continued to holler like a lunatic. “Hmm, yes, yes. Those are some deep thoughts.” Deacon joked. “I sometimes want to be shot in the face too. That’s just how it be sometimes.” As the man became more violent and invasive, Deacon stopped joking around. “Okay pal, seriously though. If you don’t back off we’re actually gonna have to shoot you...in the face, per your request, of course.” The man ignored Deacon’s warning and continued to harass Sole. Sole finally pulled out their gun and shot him. Deacon shrugged. “Well, he asked for it...literally.

Curie: “Monsieur, please, calm down,” Curie pleaded, “You are unsound. You are going to hurt both yourself and others if you are not careful. You are in crisis...Parson’s is no longer in operation, but I’m sure we could find you someone to talk to.” The man continued to yell and get in Sole’s face. Curie tried again, this time, speaking to the crazed man more firmly. “Sir, if you do not calm down, we are going to have no other choice but to defend ourselves.” The man continued to aggravate the pair. Sole pulled out their gun and fired. The man died instantly. “I’m upset we had to do it, but we had to stay safe.”

Dogmeat: Dogmeat barked and growled at the man. When the settler refused to stop yelling, Dogmeat lunged and held the man down. He looked over at Sole and the two locked eyes. Mutual understanding. Sole aimed and pulled the trigger, careful to avoid their canine friend. The bullet whizzed by Dogmeat and struck the settler in the head. He died instantly.

Piper: “Uh...Sir? Is there a reason you want to be shot at? Do you wanna talk it out or something?” The settler continued yelling. When he realized that Sole was hesitating to pull the trigger, he got even closer and louder.” “Hey! Dude, back off! Piper angrily interjected, “Blue, I mean I’m against killing innocent people, but if you feel threatened...” Sole pulled the trigger and the man went flying backwards by the force. “Shame it came to that, but there was nothing we could have done to help him.”

Ada: “Are you sure that is what you want, sir?” Ada asked the settler. “Several data scans suggest that if shot in the face by this individual, your chances of survival are a mere 0.831% chance.” The insane man continued to spew nonsense. Sole finally decided to pull the trigger, killing the man instantly.

Cait: “Ye better back the fuck up or we will put a bullet through yer skull.” Cait threatened. When the settler got closer to the pair and seemingly more belligerent, Cait pulled out her shotgun. “Ye asked for it!” She pulled the trigger and sent the man flying backwards. He hit the ground with a sickening thud. “And that’s how ye do it.”

Strong: “Human annoying. Go away or Strong smash.” The man continued to shout and get in Sole’s face. Strong had had enough. “WHY HUMAN NO STOP? STRONG SMASH!” With a mighty swing of his supersledge, Strong sent the deranged settler flying. He was dead before he hit the ground. Strong then turned to Sole. “Crazy human bad. Strong protect good human.”

Danse: “I suggest you back up and cool off, civilian,” Danse warned. “Otherwise, we’ll have no other choice but to execute you for the reason of self-defense.” The psychotic settler contributed to invade Sole’s space. As more time passed, his demeanor became increasingly threatening. Being a man of his word— and not wanting to see this obviously unstable man hurt his partner— Danse pulled out his laser rifle and vaporized him. “Threat neutralized.”

Codsworth: “Uh...[sir/mum]. This man seems dangerous and unstable. Please, be wary.” The crazy settler continued to chant “shoot me!” as he inched closer and closer to Sole and Codsworth. “Maybe...maybe you should just do what he says.” Sole, in agreement, pulled out their gun and shot the man between the eyes. He fell to the ground, dead. “I’m glad that’s over.”

Longfellow: “You need to stop.” Longfellow walked over to the man. “If something’s wrong talk it out. Or have a damn drink. Don’t just go around hollering like a lunatic.” He held out a bottle of whiskey. “Speaking of which: would you like a drink?” The man slapped the bottle out of Longfellow’s hand and continued screaming. Longfellow, infuriated, gave Sole a sharp look. “Do what you need to do.” Sole pulled the trigger and the man was killed instantly.

MacCready: MacCready chucked, “No way, a voluntary target? I’d be more than happy to help you out!”!Sole stepped aside and let MacCready have the satisfaction of blowing the deranged settler’s brains out. The ex-gunner smirked as he loaded his gun, aimed, and fired. The settler was killed instantly. MacCready set his weapon down and looked at Sole. “I swear, I’m not completely heartless. This guy was just obviously looking for trouble.”

Nick: “Listen pal. Lay off my friend here. We don’t want any trouble.” The man continued to yell “shoot me!” After a few moments, nick pulled out his gun. “Last warning: Back off. This doesn’t have to get messy.” When the man continued his tirade, Nick looked at Sole and nodded. Sole shot the man in the face, killing him instantly. “It’s a shame it came to that, but we didn’t have any other option, really.”

Hancock: “Chill out, brother.” Hancock said, “Life can get tough, but that doesn’t justify harassing my friend here until [he/she] blows your brains out.” The man continued to shout madly. Hancock reached into his pocket and took out some Jet, “Here, brother. Try some of this. It really takes the edge off.” The man ignored the ghoul and continued to breach Sole’s personal space. “Okay. I’ve tried reasoning with you,” Hancock stated firmly, now serious, “but you’re crossing a line here. Hurt my friend, and I’ll end you.” The crazed settler cease his threatening behavior. Hancock shot Sole a sharp look, “Good o for it.” Sole pulled out their gun and fired. The man dropped to the ground, dead.

Preston: “Sir, if you are upset, I’m sure we can work something out. Ending your life isn’t the answer.” The man continued to holler. “General, you don’t need to shoot him, just give him some time to calm down. He’ll come around.” Minutes passed and the settler became increasingly unruly and dangerous. Preston looked at Sole. “You can decide what you want to do. He’s obviously troubled but..he’s also a threat.” Sole, feeling extremely uncomfortable by the man, loaded their gun without hesitation and shot him in the face. He was instantly killed.