#but what if they take it down? who will preserve it? it's so niche.

[ranchstoryblog]

Fandom Memories: HMFarm

Hmmm. So, nearly a quarter of you whippersnappers wanna hear about the good ol' days, huh? Well, back in the day, you wouldn't just hang out on one or two big websites to try to find people who shared your niche interests among a million random users. Everything had its own dedicated site, with its own special pack of weirdos that you probably wouldn't find anywhere else. Home grown fandom, sprouting from the cement sidewalks of the freshly paved internet like so many weeds with pretty little flowers on top. So, let's take a little stroll down memory lane and visit one of the oldest fan sites with Archive.org's "Wayback Machine."

Ahh, just like I remember it. This here is "Harvest Moon Farm." 'course, we just called it HMFarm, like the URL did. This used to be the place to be. The prime progenitor of all farmin' fansites in the English speaking community. Maybe not the literal first, but up until around 2005, this was where you would go if you wanted to know anythin' about digital farmin'. It truly was a magical place to visit.

This screenshot isn't the oldest design, but it's the one I fondly remember. The majority of my time using the site was during the lead-up to A Wonderful Life, which was probably also when it was the most active as an information source. Seeing the screenshots, checking the forums, speculatin', wonderin', dreamin'... It's a warm feeling. I can't really describe how it felt to look at these shots for the first time. Granted, they were mostly sourced from various places like IGN or Newtechnix, but who wanted to go to THOSE messy sites when all the info I wanted was right here? IGN wasn't telling me how to revive the Vineyard in Harvest Moon 64 while I was waiting for AWL news either.

Our first look at the character we would come to know as Muffy, the sheer novelty of being able to go into the townsfolk's glorious, 3D-rendered rooms, the apparent misidentification of flowering tomatoes... The webmaster, Gamergirl87, would caption each one as well. Some of the captions of those screenshots ended up not being exactly true, but it was the closest thing to on-going coverage we really had. Who else was there to trust?

It's a little off topic, but I think at one point after learning about the GBA connectivity, I must have dreamed about this very gallery and seeing a screenshot of a Gamecube-ized Popuri with the caption that Mineral Town villagers would visit after connecting the GC and GBA together. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a dream. I've met some people who claim they saw the same thing, but none of us have been able to find that screenshot or comment again.

The one that would most catch my attention was the one on the left here. I didn't have a PlayStation 2, so I was coming fresh off of the GameBoy and Nintendo 64 when going into A Wonderful Life. The pond, the mysterious glowing plants, the mood and ambiance of their lighting, the little tree on the door... Naturally, I mirrored it on my first day the remake was available.

It's a real shame that the message boards are poorly preserved, since it doesn't look like there was a news post about the pre-order plush cow. I was hoping to find the name of whoever it was that convinced me to commit my first ever preorder. I still have the receipt, but without the forum post it's really only tangentially related to HM Farm.

'course, just learning about existing games and upcoming games wasn't the only good thing HM Farm was for. As I alluded to, there was a whole community here! While it's a shame that the message boards aren't well preserved by the Wayback Machine, you know what is?

The "ideas" list! This incredible time capsule was one of the first "interactive" parts of the site, starting in the year 2000. It's kind of fun to see how many of these ideas actually happened. Obviously, new characters and personalities were probably expected, but Animal Parade would eventually feature a honeymoon, several games have clothing and other customization, a mall, city, and pig would be added as soon as GBC 3, a goat would be in A Wonderful Life... It's actually amazing how prescient a lot of the suggestions are.

I'd share the whole thing, but the amount of e-mail addresses involved gives me pause. Still, there's a couple I wanna highlight:

Considering how often I still hear about people wanting to marry the moms and people attributing it to just "the fans getting older," it's funny to see Laserion lay out that, no, we've always been like this. Right down to using Manna's unhappy marriage and Lillia's husband never returning as valid reasons they should be available.

Tuan145, on the other hand, I just find extremely amusing because of the specific "2002 Escalade" part. Yes, this is clearly the ideal vehicle for all farmers in the Story of Seasons universe. This is now accepted headcanon. The boat was added in GBC 3 too, so obviously a 2002 Escalade is going to be added any day now.

Another thing that's amazingly well preserved is the site's fan art section. There's a few missing images here and there, but for the most part the entire thing is open to explore. People of basically all ages and skill levels happily submitted their creations, including original characters, digital art, traditional art, crossovers with popular series like Sailor Moon, a liiittle bit of drug use... Y'know, all the kinds of things you'd expect to see in a fan art gallery of the day.

Even better, some of the artists are still doing art today! Looking around, I quickly discovered one of my favorites, Rina Cat, is now on Blue Sky. I made sure to ask for permission to repost their art before including it here. Reaching out to everyone would be a bit much though, so I'll just encourage you to just browse the gallery using the Wayback Machine yourself. There's poetry and fanfics too!

There's a lot more to the site, including useful bits of history like keeping track of release dates for games, pre-release screenshots, and information that was only available on Japanese websites at the time, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Unfortunately, though the site continued to be updated until 2010 and stayed online until 2021, it's no longer available on the regular internet and the URL doesn't seem safe to access anymore. I wanted to include an interview with the former webmaster as well, but all their readily available contact information was tied to the website and I haven't had any luck so far in finding other means of contact. If I have any success, I'll be sure to make a follow-up! If you have any memories of HMFarm, or other fan sites, I'd be happy to hear about it.

[thatrandombystander]

Oh boo. Finally saw the official confirmation that The Great Big Tiny Design Challenge was cancelled after only getting the one season last year (and the Christmas special). I was expecting it, considering there was no season this year, but still sad 😔

Very good cosy show. Very niche too and am big concern about how it seems to be missing from a lot of 🏴‍☠️ sites. Had what seems to be the single working (but slow since no seeders) t*rr*nt running for it for the last 12 hours. Hopefully it will finish overnight and I can see if I can find and save a copy of the Christmas special.

Can't buy a copy of the darn show but I WILL preserve a copy of it!

[cute-sucker]

note: im begging for requests for this au!!! i'm sobbing, idk what character it is <3

˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.˚❀༉‧₊˚.

jonbee taking care of you during an apocalypse and you're in near tears begging him to kiss you. it happens all the time, the casual way that he's dominant over you. if it's the way that he's so much taller, the way his rough hands feel on yours. he always drops a kiss on your forehead before serving you french toast.

you love the normality of it all. the way he's humming the song on the radio, and you're bobbing your head to it. ivy is growing in the trailer park, and the shorts you have on have dirt smudges all over it when the two of you were running.

yet john b is giving you everything he can to serve you a normal lifestyle. he's trying everything to make you feel better, tucking back your hair, and coaxing you to eat. he's even found an old apron that has, 'kiss the chef,' on it, and suddenly your tearing up, holding up your brittle knife and fork.

hot tears drip down your face, as you sniffle quietly nudging at the food on your plate. almost immediately john b turns around, eyes full of concern.

"hey? hey, what's wrong?" he murmers, dropping down to your level. his hat is on backwards, and you fight the urge to turn it the other way. "don't cry pup," he cooes, grazing your wet cheeks, and you fight the urge of jumping into his arms, or asking to sit on his lap. after all, the two of you are platonic anyways. that's clear to tell.

you choke on your sob, "iono, just feel this pressure on my chest. i really need to be close to someone." even as you say this, your eyes are wide ready to be rejected, but john be is always there for you, as his hands snake up your sides, and sits you down on his lap.

"alright now. let's eat something now. maybe that'll make the ache go away."

you nodd at his soft words. he's right, he's always right. the two of you could barley find normal food now, always preservatives, or food that makes you hurt. you like it when he embraces you like this, his big arms around your waist, as you feel like a kid swinging your legs. and yet here you are crying the one day that there is good food.

suddenly you feel worse. the world is ending, and you'll be dead soon, and john be will never be with you, and you will have never kissed anyone. you'll never be a librarian in a niche town with a husband who would kiss you off your feet. no, you will have never kissed someone! what a tragedy to love someone so deeply yet never touch their soothing lips. maybe john b's lips on yours would fix everything.

you feel so stupid.

finally, john b puts the fork down, warm breath on your neck, and he sets you off his lap to look you in the eye.

"i need you to tell me what's wrong, and so i can fix it." he whispers to you, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. you shake your head, feeling the pounding feeling in your chest, as if you were going to vomit but your stomach was empty.

john b sighs, his voice firm now, "this won't go away. show me where it hurts. do you feel sick?" he murmurs to you, giving you his hand to guide, and you tentivally take it to place it on your heart.

"here," you croak, "it hurts here."

he looks surprised, yet his eyes are warm as he speaks in his soothing tone, his words practically melting in your mouth, "why does it hurt pup?"

"i need you to kiss me," you blurt out, and let go of his hand, "so it can stop."

he tilts his head almost amused, "yea? you need me to kiss you, so your heart can stop hurting."

you hate the way he's teasing you, a soft lint in his tone, his large hands still settling on you as he talks to you. he's so gentle with you it burns your skin, it burns everything inside of you.

"i can't take it. i can't take the fact that i've never kissed someone," and then you pause, your voice a whimper, "i can't take it that i haven't kissed you jonbee-"

and then without a doubt, he looks at you again, his eyes so feverious, so full of emotion, burning with the exact same fire that you feel your body ablaze with.

just like that john b cups your jaw, and kisses you so sweetly you see stars.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Who likes mid-century modern, all original, and orange, orange, orange? This beautiful 1965 MCM in Palm Springs, California has it. 4bds, 5ba, $1.850M.

Take a step back in time when white & gray were not a thing. And, guess what? It comes with the furnishings! I see lots of orange, but the description says that the late owner's favorite color was red.

Perfectly preserved time capsule. Look at those giant candelabras- they could be yours. Notice the bulbs in the ceiling beams.

When you say, "I'll be at the corner bar," you mean you'll be in the living room. Love the fabric on the chairs. Pink & orange are naturals together.

Zoinks! Ornate gold dining table and high-backed crushed velvet chairs. The laminate faux marble on the wall was popular then, too.

Oh, wow, totally original kitchen right down to the appliances and laminate. They sure did love laminate back then. And, how about a ceiling of light?

The fridge is new, but so what, it's off to the side. Look at the niche, place for desk, and the vintage intercom/radio system.

Who wouldn't want an everyday dining room that has a purple ceiling and plush crushed velvet swivel chairs?

This home is so vibrant. It includes a fancy tea cart that looks like Ben Hur's chariot, and the funkiest lamp I've ever seen.

In the primary bedroom, I need the carpet, bed and chair. I always loved canopy beds, but this one is regal and funky at the same time.

What a vanity, and of course, it's not an MCM if it doesn't have a sunken tub made of mosaic tiles.

There were no cutting of corners in the secondary bedrooms, either. That canopy must be attached to the ceiling.

Vanity table right in the bedroom. That's what I need.

Interesting bath. There must be storage behind those doors.

Even the smallest bedroom has a canopy bed. Notice the pink Aladdin's lamp on the night stand. Details!

In any true MCM home, there has to be something in Harvest Gold, the most popular color choice.

Cozy basement family room. So comfy looking.

Plus a powder room. Note the door on the left.

Orange cabinetry in the laundry room.

Beautiful patio and pool outside.

A vintage black & white photo proves that it hasn't changed at all.

The .25 acre lot is set against a mountain backdrop.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1240-S-Manzanita-Ave-Palm-Springs-CA-92264/18027905_zpid/

[sky-kiss]

hello <3 I’ve been lurking around the raphael tag little niche and I see that a fairly popular concept is tav/durge duchess (love the concept love the energy, very big fan of it in your fic as well) and I was wondering, since raphael struggles with sort of minimising how much his mortal side is perceived in favour of appearing as much as possible as a devil with a capital D (see his celebratory paintings being all about his devil form), whether that by itself would be a peculiar choice to take a mortal as a consort. or if you think he sort of did the math and went well tav/durge is a very effective asset he can keep close and its sort of worth it take the loss of sort exposing himself to other archdevils being judgemental over it (especially since the hells seem very much like a only devils can sit at the grown up table lmao)

/Stares at you. Sighs. Sips scotch/

So, I see. You're finally here to kill me, anon.

Alright. Let's get into it. If we're being entirely honest, I do not believe that Raphael would offer Tav/Durge a place as his consort. I genuinely don't. Especially not directly after they've given him the Crown. I've done it a few times recently, mostly because it's the only place to conveniently put it. And it works for short-form posts.

But if we are talking about genuine Raphael, it's my opinion that he would not offer. He may be fond of you, but his version of fondness would translate more to like...how fond you are of a good dog, or a subcontractor who put in great work. You aren't equals. "Friends," but not equals. Raphael's interest in Tav/Durge stems from what they can provide him. Once he has the Crown, he sees himself as having succeeded. You might meet for drinks like he's promised, but he has no reason to continue the relationship.

However, there is something to be said for an adventurer's soul. And Tav/Durge would be a massive catch further down the line. By the endgame, the TadFools are a bunch of freaks if we're power scaling. They're only level 12, but the games mechanics and the psycho gear they acquire allows them to punch well above their weight class. With their stat blocks, their party of four could probably fight Zariel. And on that note, because of game mechanics, Raphael could probably take Zariel (based on her 5E statblock) in a cage match, even without the Crown. He'd at least make it close. That's how powerful the crew is by the end. So, they would be a crazy powerful asset to acquire.

To the point of offering them the role of consort: no. I don't think he'd do it. Not right after the Crown, at least. And it's something I wish I'd made clearer in my long fic. I'd clarify it in a rewrite. Raphael never actually offers Joi/Durge the role of consort. Haarlep moves for her to be in that role. Haarlep informs Mephistopheles that she's his new consort. Meph is the first one to actually state it and does this in front of Dispater to discredit his son. Raphael then plays along with it in order to build his influence with the succubi/incubi. It's self-preservation, power, and arrogance that motivates the decision, not affection.

So uh...yeah. Sorry. I don't....I don't think he'd take Tav/Durge as his consort. Maybe after he's had his assbeat for a while? And they crusade and prove themselves to be incredibly useful?

But we lie to ourselves for fiction. Sorry for the longpost.

[jesncin]

Honestly, you are like the most based person ever. A Martian Manhunter fan and a MAWS critic? F YEAH!

I'm so disappointed with MAWS' Lois :( Her romance with Clark could've been so good. SO GOOD. But they decided to go for fan service instead. She just gives off Lena (from cwsg) vibes and that's never a good thing.

Speaking of Supergirl, what's your opinion on the show? And on the show's portrait of J'onn. It baffles me how much hate the show got for the same things fans are willing to overlook now on MAWS. Aren't those some double standards, geez...

Aw shucks thank you! 2 incredibly niche but based things to be...

Sob! Call it the ace in me but whenever people think MAWS!Clois have chemistry because they're easily amused by seeing hot characters undress I lose life force. I didn't witness a couple that grew mutual respect and affection, I saw an insta-crush that led to Lois becoming so entitled to a guy she'd known for less than a week to the point of demanding full transparency of his private life before they even started dating. And then the narrative says it's Clark's fault for having reasonable boundaries, and then they're a couple. What is this.

I've briefly talked about CW Supergirl before, but my takeaway is: if people think MAWS is genuinely good writing then they should absolutely watch CW Supergirl because it must look like high art in comparison to MAWS. Maybe people are less judgy when something's animated and that's not fair. If we want to take animation as a serious medium we should hold it to the same standard and not coddle it. As someone who watched a few eps when CW Supergirl aired and then revisited and watched the whole thing years after the show concluded, I feel that the misogyny surrounding people's discourse around the show has led to people judging the show based on a fanon idea of it rather than its own merits.

more under the cut!

CW Supergirl is a show with great highs and lows. This results in things being hit or miss. But when something hits- CW Supergirl is not given nearly enough credit as it deserves. As a Martian Manhunter fan, I believe that their take on J'onn is the most competent and well adapted in not just adapted media, but all of comics canon. That doesn't mean I like everything they did with his lore and character, but I can acknowledge that they actually bothered developing him outside of the comics/cartoon's fixation with making him mope about his Origin Story all the time. He gets to find love, have adopted daughters through Kara and Alex, reckon with what it's like to preserve aspects of a culture he doesn't fully identify with, deal with his dad going through Martian Alzheimer's disease, and most importantly MAKE PEACE WITH HIS BROTHER. CW Supergirl has hands down, the best take on Ma'alefa'ak in all of canon.

I think Lena is a great character on the show. She's dealing with the trauma of being constantly manipulated by her own family, the legacy her name carries and who she is in all that. But because the supercorp ship permeates the way people perceive the show, she's reduced to that by discourse. When Lena has drama over Kara's secret Superhero identity, it's something that's built up to and informed by trauma, trust-issues, and TIME. We are shown that she has these problems. It gets melodramatic at times, but it's still something that was built up to. Meanwhile in MAWS Lois just tells us she has daddy issues and that it's why she really needs the cute guy at work to spill all his personal info to her even though she gets to lie to him for her own personal gain multiple times. I appreciate what CW Supergirl did to bring more attention to what was an obscure character. Whenever I bump into Lena in the comics, it hasn't stacked up to the character I met on the show.

I've called this out before but while CW Supergirl isn't perfect by any means especially with their treatment of Jimmy Olsen as a love interest to Kara and a generally sidelined Black supporting character, they still discussed and acknowledged Jimmy's identity as a Black American man! Sure it was heavy handed many times, but that's way better than MAWS straight up ignoring Jimmy's Blackness and even making an unintentional jab at it!! Like cw Supergirl Jimmy knows bigotry and has experienced it. MAWS Jimmy thinks bigotry is being ghosted for a camping trip. I have seen the exact same critics call out cw Supergirl for Jimmy's treatment while gleefully thinking Jimmy's treatment in MAWS is so uwu perfect. It makes me sick! Am I going insane?? It's the double standards for me.

[n3ver--more]

By popular request (one person), here is the crash course on some of my main oc lore! (Yes it is cringe, no I will not take criticism, please be kind)

So first, the cults. There are two overall, but one has two very different factions.

The Cult of the Dual Lords:

A cult that worships two distinct gods who together represent the whole of the universe and how everything works together in harmony. These two gods are gay married because of course they are. Both temples practice ritual sacrifice, and yes of course there is some cannibalism involved (consensually).

1. The Temple of Oscuro - Oscuro is the God of night, darkness, death, knowledge, etc. His followers are focused on improving life for the future, innovating, and preserving history. They have an extensive library and archive of as much history as they can gather, and it is their most guarded possession. Ayesha Khouri is the current High Prophet, so he spends most of his time pretending he knows what he's doing and trying his hardest to keep his people alive and doing well. Aaliyah Rahal is a priestess of Oscuro who spends most of her time studying and teaching classes on incredibly niche topics. Whatever interests her at the time. All members of this temple have sworn an oath of pacifism to their God with the only exception being defense of another person.

2. The Temple of Allumer - Allumer is the God of day, light, life, wealth, war, and hedonism. The "fun stuff." His followers spend their time living in the present, enjoying themselves to the fullest and amassing as much wealth as they can, because in the Temple, wealth directly translates to status. Their belief system could be summarized as "live fast, die young." Hassan Bila-Asm is their High Priest, and he does a pretty shit job at that. He's basically a culty Dorian Gray, chasing youth and beauty as well as clinging fiercely to the wealth that grants him his status. Malika Faheem is a priestess of Allumer, and she often ends up doing Hassan's job for him.

The Children of the Earth Mother

Another, very separate cult from the others. A society of eco-warriors (literally) who believe that anything that could harm the Earth (their goddess) is evil and must be destroyed. Because of this, they *really* don't like the temple of Oscuro and their pro-progress initiative, no matter if it's actually harmful or not. Given the oath of pacifism the Oscurans make, they are super easy to kill, and the Children have no qualms about doing so. Any missing parts of the historical records have been caused by raids by the Children.

Uhhh I will probably add to this later, but for now, this is the quick run-down on the two (three if you count the temples separately) cults in my OC universe!

@eyeball-creatures-boyfriend @some-froggish-lad (wasn't sure which to tag lolz sorry)

[merik72-blog]

What if Furina wasn't a girlfailure for 500 years? (Shorteneder Version (still long))

Off the top, I'm not a lore expert. If this doesn't make sense lore-wise, feel free to tell me all about it. Expect it, even. I just wanted to write this down because after experiencing her story, (when it dropped months ago in version 4) this idea just never got out of my head. I process media in a way where I'm constantly thinking on the level of "why did the authors make these specific decisions?", and I couldn't shake the feeling that the authors lacked a bit of imagination when considering just how long 5 centuries is. I have like over a thousand words of why I think this which includes a discussion of historicity and biblical allusion. I cut it all -- nobody wants to read that.

That being said, this is somewhere between a rewrite and like a notes document. In this, Furina is still fundamentally the same character. Her personality and mannerisms should be basically identical, even if she's more competent. This rewrite hopes to preserve the main beats of her arc: The confrontation by Arlecchino, the disaster which causes people to doubt her godliness, the trial, and a backstory which makes you pity her. I'm going to lay these out in chronological order, rather than plot order.

Backstory

Focalors told Furina the prophecy, leaving her terrified and overwhelmed. All the people of Fontaine will drown, and she will be left alone, crying on her throne. Despite her horror, some rebellious gumption rose up in her soul and allows her to steel herself. Much like Focalors before her, despite being handed a doomed situation, Furina decided that there was nothing she couldn't fight back against, even fate. Knowing that there's a flood coming, she put together a plan.

Furina decided that she would hold grand competitions every decade, gathering the greatest tinkerers, engineers, architects, anyone with interesting ideas in her nation to show off their most creative inventions, no matter what those inventions did. She would call these competitions Fontaine's Utopique Rendezvous for Industrie Nouvelleté, et Audacé* (FURINA). As their god, Fontainian culture was her privilege and responsibility to shape, so innovation and technological advancement would be placed at the core. With great patience, she would lead Fontaine from the Medieval age to the Industrial revolution. During FURINAs, as she strolled through the streets of Fontaine, the entrants displayed and described their creations to her to each would be personally judged by her. There is not a maximum or minimum of winners, there are only those who do and do not catch the eye of the Hydro Archon. At the end of the competition, she rewards the winners with her patronage to sponsor them and their ideas. These winners would come to be informally known as FURINA Scholars. She created these patron relationships usually with the goal of creating or improving a public infrastructure project or taking a particularly fascinating or promising invention from an impractical novelty to mass producible technology that anyone could use. FURINA Scholars had a hard time limit of 10 years, being required to present their progress publicly at the next FURINA by the latest. The results of these varied from practical, aesthetic, to insanely niche novelty toys you'd expect a French aristocrat to buy.

A lot of real kings and queens can't dedicate themselves to advancement in this way because their bureaucracy, the power structure beneath them, know that they don't have to be beholden to them forever. Each bureaucrat knows there will be another younger ruler eventually who would could be manipulated into giving more to them and less to the people. Not so with Furina. She would use the royal coffers however she wanted to, and nobody could speak out against her, lest they be hit with the combination blasphemy-treason from the judgement of the Oratrice Mechanique d'Analyse Cardinale.

(*This is intentionally butchered French, in line with the Oratrice Mechanique d'Analyse Cardinale. If you can't read it, it's basically Fontaine's Utopian Conference for Industry, Novelty, and Audacity. It's a funny acronym, and a bit on the nose in multiple ways, but I think it would be something she would come up with. I imagine that Furina would never call it FURINA, but over time people would start calling it "the FURINA" and eventually "the FURINA de Fontaine" in the way that people always start butchering acronyms when they become normal words.)

Every day, Furina's free time between these FURINAs was spent studying, learning, testing, and inventing in her study. If Fontaine was to be flooded by rising waters, she herself would be dedicated to finding a way to allow Fontaine to survive any flood. Out of the public eye, she found ways to spend every spare moment honing her skills and iterating her designs. She quickly learned to dismiss attendants that came to her with some spurious legislative work whenever she left the Opera Epiclese. Go to Neuvillette! She had a duty which so obviously rendered such things spurious. Paperwork? When Fontaine could be drowned any year now?

(Just as in the real story, it's implied that Neuvillette is vaguely aware that she must be working incredibly hard, but she deliberately hides her toil from everyone, including him.)

Obsessively, tirelessly, she toiled single-mindedly towards in designing super-structures capable of diverting, pumping, or otherwise controlling vast amounts of water. As she would sketch mockups of grand designs, she was thinking of public excuses for doing this rather than just using her "archon powers." It would make her seem more benevolent to say something like "I cannot be everywhere at once, and I need to be sure that the people of Fontaine shall not suffer a disaster under my rule, even out from under my watchful gaze." It was even true, in a way. Over the centuries, she carried out plans for every major Fontaine settlement's coastline and the entire capitol city to be protected by works of engineering which were equally intricate and gargantuan. At the same time, they balanced preserving the beauty of coastlines and consistency in aesthetic that is paramount for France. She directed the creations of these superstructures over generations with clarity and consistency in intent. She eventually became capable of concocting ideas that were not possible with currently invented technology, her innovation outdoing the rate of technological advancement. That meant she was not nearly finished. Waiting for technology to catch up with her ideas was always a good opportunity to update the physical build of her superstructures.

Despite her having already gathered vast and unmatched generational knowledge after her first full century of study, she still continued FURINAs to find the best and brightest minds of each generation. (If it must be done for Genshin's thematic consistency or ideology, these can all even be vision holders). These inventors who all grew up in the context of Furina's unparalleled genius had the privilege of standing on the shoulders of a giant. Innovations begot innovations, forming a virtuous loop which drove unprecedented progress in industrialization leading to evolutions in technology especially in civil engineering and hydrodynamics. As Furina's knowledge and mastery over engineering slowly but surely surpassed mortal limits, FURINAs seemed to be more and more judged based on eccentric, incomprehensible whims. With relative frequency, participants would watch seemingly impressive inventions be passed over, meanwhile random toys that just made her giggle and applaud would win. She would say "I just find these trinkets so charming!" but in truth, she saw potential in central conceits in inventions that had the chance to change the underpinnings of Fontaine's infrastructure. Or she just genuinely found them charming.

As time passed, Furina's structures continually improved to a point that they did not just avoid, but very publicly Dominated countless floods and storms that would have been disastrous otherwise. These creations legitimized her godhood and won her adoration in the eyes of the people, who wove countless folktales over the ages telling the tales of Furina's power - herding hurricanes and subjugating tsunamis. At the same time, this made her prodigious skill for the dramatic arts even more impressive through the plurality of her talents. This resulted in many full circle moments, where Furina would play herself in epics about her overcoming disasters, not that she wrote, of course. These would sometimes exaggerate her powers, like giving her omniscience or visions of the future, the perfect designs flowing freely and naturally from her hands, as though they were as effortless as breathing.

Of course, she was not truly invincible. Slowly, she started to fray. As new innovations became more difficult, technology caught up to her designs. After the superstructure renovations commemorating the 4th century of her rule, she was distraught. This was the first time she had updated her superstructures without the plan for the next one at least partially completed. She needed to spend more of her energy pondering, as just her "free" time was insufficient. This led to her to becoming more absentminded during official duties, having forgone sleep or being still caught up ruminating on how to optimize designs, improve existing technology, or apply them in a novel way, but for some reason nothing was coming to her after a few years of different experiments and trials. Even in discussions with her FURINA Scholars, they stopped having new ideas in hydrodynamic engineering projects, being drawn towards other directions where they wouldn't need to compete with god. As she crossed the 450-year mark, she was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that her designs weren't nearly enough to protect the entire country and even further from perfect. For the better part of the last century, any improvement had been like trying to squeeze water from a stone. In the last ten years, she has probably improved her latest flood barriers by less than a liter of water. 30 more years restarting from scratch over and over with her current knowledge, no meaningful improvement.

For the 48th FURINA, she decided out of desperation to hold a hydro-themed FURINA. As she walked the streets of Fontaine, talking to each inventor as they presented their work, she was distraught. A marked decrease meaningful innovation. Worse than this, she noticed that inventors were less interested in creating submissions for this FURINA. The sentiment she was picking up on was that they felt futility in even trying. What was the point of trying to innovate in a field that they can hardly understand? The cutting edge of hydro-related innovation was driven so far by Furina that they felt mortals need not apply. Who could even be given the privilege of becoming the decade's FURINA Scholars from such a lackluster field...? As always, she found a way to get out of a dismaying situation. She crowned herself as the winner, made a grandiose speech about who she was still unmatched in the domain of Hydro, and unveiled her side project of the Aquabus.

At the end of the hydro-FURINA, Furina had never felt so alone. For the first time since her first decade, she had not the faintest idea of what to do from here. Nobody did. She had already pushed to and past limit of her knowledge, of her peoples' knowledge, and the limits of material possibility in Teyvat. All of these centuries had passed her by, all these sleepless nights, all her evolutions in the design of Fontaine to fortify it, for what? A worm, wriggling on a stone, drying out in the sun. If she failed to prevent the flood now, what would any of that time mean?

Furina found herself standing in her study, towering alone above the room crowded with her innovations, blueprints, experiments. Her gaze floated over each page; her life's work surrounded her. Broken mechanisms, meaningless scribbles, trials without results. Countless wasted mines of materials, countless wasted gallons of ink, and countless wasted centuries of labor by her precious hardworking people. Not realizing she was fully sobbing, she slumped to the floor, picking up the blueprint of one of her latest redesigns. She couldn't see anything aside from bodies floating in the water. Her mind replayed the faces of every person whom she's ever worked with or learned from, whose families she met, and every child of Fontaine whom she watched grow. They died all the same. Her vision started to swirl as their faces closed in around her. They rose up all around her from the waters in her blueprints. She grasped at them desperately, begging them to stay with her. On her side, shaking, sobbing, with a bundle of ripped and crumbled papers clutched against her. For the first time since she was told the prophecy, she felt truly helpless. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her mirror. She scrambled through a carpet of papers, trinkets, and tools to touch her forehead to the glass.

"Mirror me, I-I've been doing everything I can. Our people have been trying, too! They worked so very hard, and they've built my all of designs beautifully."

Silence.

"Please, tell me you know something, anything that I can do now. I need to know. I can't let it end like this."

Silence.

"I never imagined that... that we'd even make it this far, mirror me." Furina was sitting now. With a smile on her face, she still couldn't stop the tears as she leaned against the mirror. "They truly are my pride and joy." Barely more than a whisper, an "I'm sorry" escaped her lips.

She had been doing her best for so long, but she had certainty now. Her best would not be enough.

A real Archon would be able to overcome this. On her own strength.

Furina cursed her inadequacy, mourning the people of Fontaine in her heart. It was torture. Every day, her job was to look at all the wonderful people that she was failing every day, people whom she was dooming through her weakness. During trials, she entirely lost the ability to focus on what's happening in front of her, her comments in the Opera becoming nonsensical and detached. More often, she handed off interpretations directly to Neuvillette, and tears sometimes leaked through when doing her fan meetups. Somehow, she still managed to hide her turmoil with audacious bravado as always. She felt more internally frantic as more years came and went. It was like desperately treading treacherous waters as she needed more and more effort to simply maintain surface appearances. The 49th and 50th FURINAs were brief respites from the gloom. Despite all of the stress in her life, the silly novelties of her people could still bring her joy. But when she returned to her private abode, she found that sometimes, not every time, she didn't want to work anymore. Instead, she would lay in her bed. Stillness without rest.

Her dead eyes blinked slowly, making no tears. She pondered, "How long has it been?" When she stared down at her hands, she could still see the souls of every Fontanian leaking through her fingers. The harder she tried to hold onto them, the further they'd splatter away. If only she had more time. Time, as always, passed anyway.

Plot time

Now, this is when the incident happens. Furina just hit rock bottom as the Traveler comes to town. Everything in the plot that played out in the main story happens mostly the same. This retroactively explains why all of Furina's arguments in the Mysterious Disappearances trials are so weak. Sure, she has a lot of experience presiding over trials, and it may be a top priority for her since this Furina is also excited about the opportunity for a Grand Trial that Focalors told her about, but she is so far from being on the top of her game right now.

Over centuries, Furina built this idea of infallibility, weaving a narrative to reaffirm her godhood. Fontainians believed that because each design was crafted by Furina directly, she made sure that none of them could ever fail using her uniquely intimate knowledge of the Hydro element. When Arlecchino called for an audience with Furina about the impending incident of unprecedented scale in Poisson, Furina was not just small or helpless with no excuse. Furina imposed upon Arlecchino as a god in her own land. There was to be absolute faith in her creations. Her power over hydro would never allow a Fontainian to come to harm.

"What does a puny rat like you think you know? I've thrown out socks that were older than you. Smarter, too."

Like a true god, she gaslit Arlecchino about what information Arlecchino had regarding the flood coming to Poisson. As the Regina of All Waters, not only did she have access to more information through her national information network, she also simply understood Hydro in a way that mortals couldn't comprehend. This is one of the only times that Arlecchino would seem even a little shaken by anything.

Furina didn't refuse to take precautions because she's a depressed NEET; Furina placed herself in this position where she simply could not possibly even suggest taking precautions. That would imply to Arlecchino and by extent the people of Fontaine that there was a weakness in her absolute power over Hydro and, by proxy, her status as archon. In previous centuries, she had only ever commanded upgrades to earlier designs as technology advanced to allow her to better realize her intended designs.

This made it all the more world-shattering for Fontainians when the symbols of their god, their faith in her power, warped and bursted under the immense pressure of more water than seemingly possible in nature (this flood is mega buffed in this plotline). The damage was horrific, but would be much much worse if not for the efforts of Arlecchino and the Spina di Rosula. This was the first time that anyone has doubted her as god, and nobody who doubted even wanted to because they've had faith for so long.

The trial proceeds nearly exactly as in the game, with the additional wrinkle that her centuries of age needs to be a hint as to how she could be such a genius of engineering without being the Hydro Archon.

After the trial

After her liberation, much of Furina's story is the same. She is so incredibly burnt out after finally being free that she has the same despondent attitude as she does in the game. She doesn't really invent in her free time, as she's a bit traumatized by the memory and sensation of using those tools. Even picking up a screwdriver reminds her of hundreds of years of sleepless nights experimenting desperately with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

The only real things that would change after the Archon quest would be -

In her character quest, Furina surprises everyone by proudly declaring her return to the stage on her own, having thoroughly enjoyed her time with the ragtag troupe. After a handful of lifetimes of endless labor with a dash of theatre, having the opportunity to do theatre full time sounds like great fun. The reason that she wouldn't have started before this quest is because of her burnout and exhaustion buildup ofc.

In Roses and Muskets, just take out all the times where Furina's trauma is played for laughs, or times where she's outwardly timid in a public conversation, especially when directing. Furina's reaction to imposing in public situations should be so well trained after playing archon should be instinctual after 500 years that she never gets caught slipping by an unfortunate circumstance. In private, she can still of course be her quirky self.

At the end of Roses and Muskets, she's not awkward about receiving the trophy. She's really happy, overjoyed even, having not been able to participate in any competitions herself in Archon era.

During Lantern Rite, Furina is on Cloud 9, going crazy and stupid finally leaving the country. She is positively giggly being charmed and intrigued by every single little thing in Liyue which is different from Fontaine. She walks around the street asking people about ridiculous and mundane things, like "What wood is this fence made out of?", "Do all your boats really need sails? Where are their engines?", "What techniques were employed to build villages on all these hills?", "Where is the toilet in this establishment?... oh Me... running hydro? DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY PLUMBING-", and various other questions about architecture, technology, and everything else she'd notice as someone otherwise incredibly knowledgeable who'd been stuck in one country for centuries.

Anyway, as a thanks for reading my yap, here are some drawings of tinkerer Furina loving life

[blackbeeno3569]

I don't know what other people do on Mondays, but I made this neat map of the Lair...

Also you can find Whiskers there.

It's a logical continuation of this story:

LAYERS OF HOME

They were strolling through the forest, the weather was bright and sunny, calm and joyful. Spirits of fear and despair had their time off and they savoured it together, simply enjoying the day.

"...I've never spent that much time in the Lair until the Guardians almost chained me to it," Pitch was just saying.

"It has always been yours though, hasn't it?" Hazel asked.

"Well, in a way..." he shrugged, watching the spring nature around them, "I was one of those who built it. But... It was just a place where I returned to, time to time. Not like... a real home. At least I thought so. I didn't feel like I needed a home back then or that I needed to think about it. That became important only when they took that feeling from me," he concluded, touching a theme that was still painful.

Hazel knew that, so she smiled a bit: "Yet you have home, now."

"Thanks to you, I have," he smiled back.

"But you do have your own chamber there, don't you," she continued, still curious about the place she called home now, too, "which one in the Palace is it? You've never shown me."

But to her surprise he shook his head: "It's not in the Palace. And there's really nothing interesting about it, except maybe it's really far away from everything else. That can come handy sometimes."

Hazel chuckled and made a guess: "Then it's in the Lower Lair, right? The oldest part? And it will be somewhere in the bottom, because it will be one of the first chambers created?"

"Someone did their homework," he gave credit where credit was due.

"Take me there, if you can."

-----

The hallways were narrow, dark and descending in the series of steps. Some parts of the Lower Lair Hazel knew already. The Library, some of the storages, the kitchen... Then there were chambers that were closed and empty, whoever used them in past centuries was long gone.

"It's quite a labyrinth," she noted along the way.

"It's not that bad, you'll learn your way around," he answered over his shoulder and that made Hazel laugh.

"You know, it's one of the things I love about you. You can make the shopping list sound scary and sinister beyond measure - and yet you talk about this ominous, dark place like... well, like about a shopping list."

-----

Eventually they found the right door. Pitch opened them, really quietly for such an ancient piece of wood, and they stepped in.

"See, nothing interesting. I didn't take you here simply because there was no reason..." he explained.

Hazel looked around the small chamber. It was surprisingly simple and cosy. On the left there was just a bed carved from a rock, just like the whole room, with fur skins covering its surface and a woollen blanket neatly folded on the side. Hazel ran her fingers through the fur and glanced at Pitch with a silent question in her eyes.

He understood her inquiry: "From times before sheets. I've never really got to change it down here... Magic preserves things well."

Extremely well, Hazel thought. That meant these skins were thousands of years old. They seemed in a great shape, though.

Over the bed there was a niche with two wooden shelves that harboured few books and candles. Pitch could see in the dark perfectly, she knew that, but she also knew he preferred to have light for reading and working. He never explained her why and she never asked. But at least she understood the candles here. And on the other side of the chamber an old, weathered oil lamp sitting on the simple table with a glass that was a bit cracked, as if someone knocked it down on the floor once. Next to the table there was a chair and then only a pile of books on the desk. Hazel took one of them and opened it at random in the middle.

"Empty?" she looked up with surprise.

He watched her closely, when he admitted: "I haven't got to them for years. But before... I remember a lot of things. Some of them could be useful to someone else, too, others I don't want to risk forgetting as they could be useful much later."

She returned his gaze and then she slowly asked, the realisation dawning on her: "So... how many books in the Library are actually your work?"

"Quite a few," he said with a smile that could be almost called shy, "a lot of them on history, a couple on categorizations of our world, a few spell handbooks."

"How many did you give me to read without telling me?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Not that many, Hazel," he waved a hand, "you need to learn about our world from others, too."

"Will you tell me-?"

"I'll let you guess," he grinned.

She shook her head with a smile and put the empty book back. The chamber was a perfect picture of the feeling she had in his presence. It was also just as well hidden from the world under all the rest of the Lair in all its frightening glory.

"You were wrong, my love. This is a very interesting place. It's so very yours, so untarnished, it tells so many truths about you that I feel nearly guilty for standing here."

He looked away as if he needed a moment to accept what she just said and then he reached out a hand to her, which she gladly took. "If that's so, my dear, then you absolutely belong here. You are my new chapter and just you standing here... No one ever did before you. There was never a reason to invite anyone in, but you."

She let him draw her closer, a bit moved, to be honest. "What a sly old trick to take a girl to your chamber with a bunch of sweet words," she teased, nuzzling up against him.

"And yet look how well it works," he murmured back to her hair, not being able to hide the content tone of his voice.

One more little "mine" changed into "ours" so quietly that no one really noticed.

After all, they had each other to pay attention to, not the semantics.

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know You Better

First of all, thank you Mickey (@thisautistic) for tagging me <3. Super thrilled that you thought of me for this!!

Now...

3 Ships You Like

1. Kimchay (Kinnporsche)

My babies. I want to protect them both. They're precious and perfect to be put in situations. A force strong enough to have me cooking a longfic after years of not writing a single one. Do I need to same more?? Absolutely obsessed 💜💜💜.

2. Pangwave (The Gifted)

Obligatory mention to my special little ADHD x Autism duo. Don't even argue that they're not canon, if you think that it's bc you missed very significant subtext, I suggest you rewatch this series. Pls and thank you. I will NOT take any criticism.

3. Sandray (Only Friends)

I knew from their 1st sex scene that I was down bad but their trailer sex scene just completely rewired my brain. Is their dynamic fucked up? Yes. Will they hurt each other along the way? Absolutely. But they're on their path to something better and I believe in them. Bc if Ray is deserving of love even after everything that went down then so are all of us. And there's that.

First Ship Ever

Larry Stylinson! (from One Direction)

Straight back from when I was 13, going strong! kskskskssksk I'm not so much there actively in the fandom anymore, but know that I'm there in spirit. sksksksksks Could never abandon the reason for so much change in my life! Good memories!!

Last Song Heard

Nooit Meer Spijt by S10

It's such a good song! I'm not Dutch or Dutch-adjacent but I was introduced to S10 by a friend of mine who's Belgian and I fell in love with her music ever since!

Favorite Childhood Book

A Fada Oriana (The Fairy Oriana) by Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen.

It's about a fairy named Oriana that has to take care of a forest but one day, while looking at the river, meets a fish who talks her into neglecting the forest, which causes a lot of trouble. Then, Oriana, has to learn how to repair the damage she made.

It's a book about responsibility, consequeses, the importance of individual action and learning from one's mistakes.

Currently Reading

Património Cultural: Realidade Viva (Cultural Patrimony: Live Reality) by Guilherme d'Oliveira Martins.

It's a book about the preservation of patrimony in Portugal under the context of belonging in the European Union in the 21st century.

It's not a very interesting book nor scientific, just a summary of Portuguese and European laws for people who don't wanna read the laws (?). I wouldn't read it on my own but it's a mandatory read for one of my classes in my Master's so I gotta ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Currently Watching

23.5

I didn't know if I was going to but since GMM seems to be finally trying out more for the GLs, I feel like I need to show my support in this direction so I made the moral choice of watching as it airs to make it clear to them the audience for this is here and we want more of it!

So far ep.1 was super cliché and silly but I liked it a lot!! I want all the clichés for the girls too! Tired of seeing queer women suffer and die on screen...

2. 3 Will Be Free

It had been sitting on my watchlist for a while but I never gotten around to it for some reason... Nevertheless, my latest Wheel Decide™ for what to watch next landed on it, so... I'm watching it now!

2 episodes in only but I'm loving it a lot!! The plot's super interesting so far, really like the way they're going about it. Let's see where it goes!!

Currently Consuming

I'm gonna opt to mention the game I'm currently playing (besides Bloons TD 6, but I'm always playing Bloons, so... not news), which is Heaven's Vault by Inkle!

It's an extremely niche game, focused on figuring out an ancient language and, with it, the history of the world it's set in. It envolves robots, space travelling, discussions on xenophobia and religious intolerence and a lot more. I haven't finished yet but I'm loving the experience so far!

I understand it's not for everyone but I'm loving it!! <3 (not a Mickey D's reference, fuck Mickey D's)

Currently Craving

You know, I could go with bibimbap bc I really want some rn but I'm gonna go a bit deeper and say: after the terribleness of my last 2 relationships, all I really want is one that's not enirely chatastrophic. kskssksksksk That'd be pretty neat. kssksksk

So yeah... This was a lot of fun, actually!! I love to share stuff about media I like!!

Tagging @jukain4216 @lost-my-sanity1 @anthrotmnt @shannankle @defomin @aiyui @fiddlepickdouglas @tinysandwichstudent @sicknsadsicknrad @itsamzz28 @whomanist and any other of my lovely moots that hasn't directly been tagged but comes accross this <3.

All the love! 💜💜💜

[dailycharacteroption]

Keeper of Construct (Inquisitor Archetype)

(art by nolan192 on DeviantArt)

It’s time for another archetype geared around killing and disabling constructs… but this one isn’t from construct handbook this time! So I am only halfway reminded of the biggest disappointment in First Edition for me!

In any case, this archetype is tied to the Goddess Brigh (and occasionally Torag), who presides over invention and machines. While the Whisper in Bronze is normally content to let inventors create in peace, sometimes it becomes clear that those that devote themselves to creating mechanical servitors and other wondrous inventions do so without the common benefit in mind. Those that use such constructs as vengeful assassins and tools of revenge, or that sic them on civilians as acts of terror and cruelty are her enemies.

Emulating her wishes and the powers of her herald: the Latten Mechanism, some of her priests take up arms against such violent and cruel creators, seeking to either free their constructed creations from them, or barring that, putting them down s they can no longer cause harm.

Such keepers are found both in Numeria and Alkenstar, where the worship of Brigh and the crafting of constructs is common, but they might be anywhere where constructs are found in great numbers, and their creators need policing, both in and outside the Lost Omens setting.

Divinely guided by their patron, these construct hunters are able to aim for the weak spots of constructed foes, bypassing the durability of most and at least somewhat piercing those that cannot be pierced by adamantine alone.

Their presence and knowledge of construct behavior allows them to make constructs hesitate, almost as if they were afraid.

Additionally, there are few that are more knowledgeable about construct strengths and weaknesses than them.

More powerful individuals can even command constructs that do not belong to them, even wresting them away from the direct control of their master, though this is limited in what they can command and how often they can do so.

This is a pretty solid construct-hunting archetype, though some of the abilities raise questions. Most constructs have DR bypassed by adamantine, so having limited ability to pierce other types of DR on constructs is a bit niche. Furthermore, while the ability to implant suggestions in constructs is nice, it does not say whether this bypasses the magic immunity of golems and golem-like constructs, which I feel is definitely a needed clarification. In any case, this archetype is a bit niche, but not so much so that they’re powerless outside of fights with constructs, but they can really excel in campaigns with lots of robots, clockworks, and other constructs about.

As written, these inquisitors seem to be focused on the preservation of mechanical life that can be saved, so if you’re looking for an archetype for a villain that seeks to destroy sapient machines for whatever reason, such as because they have gained sapience, this might not be what you’re looking for unless you outright change the flavor of the class, which could be fun if you want to apply it to a less benevolent god or philosophy.

The Brass Key clan of dwarves are famous for their clockwork marvels, which range from automatic mechanisms for running public works to full-fledged constructs. However, not all who create these wonders do so peacefully, so in the name of The Maker, there are sects of priests dedicated to putting a stop to such villainy and blasphemy.

The world of the Shattered Tower has been wiped nearly clean of life, leaving behind the relics of civilization and horribly monstrous wildlife alongside the automatons that survived their creators. Most machines try to live peacefully and find new meaning in this ruined world, but others still bear the programming of death and war that brought this ruin, forcing the others to take up arms to protect themselves and the last bastions of life.

The party needs a construct breaker to help handle the guardians of the tomb of Hakshesu, and they find one in Lova Windercoil, who is tasked with handling any automaton guardians while the party deals with mummies and other guardians. However, Lova cannot help but question the application of her divine gifts towards destroying constructs that are no danger to anyone but interlopers.

[davidmariottecomics]

The Perfect (Editorial or Agent) Match

Hey there, Yogi Bear! 

To start out today's blog, I wanna talk about a kinda fun recent thing. Steve Lieber, who I've mentioned before for having his 12 point portfolio review critique without even looking, asked about the writing review equivalent. Jim Zub took a stab at it and his list is pretty good. And Chip Zdarsky's were also recommendations! And all of these are from Bluesky, so hope you can read 'em all! But, while I liked the other lists, I also had some thoughts. So my 12 critiques are here, which I consider pretty supplemental to Jim's! 

And now that you've taken all this advice and are feeling really comfortable with your script, writer-type, what're you gonna do with it?! 

What Does an Agent do? 

Before I get too far, let me make explicitly clear--I do not have an agent. I've worked with a number of agents. I know lots of creators who have them. But I don't have one myself, so I can only provide so much guidance. Okay, that disclaimer out of the way, what is a literary agent and what do they do? 

It's a lot like other forms of agents you might've heard of. Your agent is a person who supports you and represents your interests in business. They are an advocate on your behalf. This means everything from reading your manuscripts to help refine/sell them to reviewing paperwork for you to making sure you're getting paid what you're worth and more. In the book market, there are certain publishers that will almost exclusively review agented submissions--you need to have someone who has been trained to know what the publisher might want and who has access to contacts there to advocate for your work. The reason for this is often to cut down on submissions that otherwise just have to go unanswered and to preserve some level of privacy for editors. Having an agent might not work for everyone, but if you can find someone who you like working with and can afford, they're going to be a lot of help. Agents can get your work to more potential buyers, help identify where your work will best fit in the marketplace, and, again, generally advocate for you.

But just like publishers and editors, not every agent is looking for every type of story. Specific agents, and even whole agencies, can have niches that they are interested in working in and representing. This is really important when we're talking comics. There are some agents that don't really represent cartoonists because they don't do art representation. There are some agents who only do art representation and might not be the right fit if you also wanna write. There are agents who primarily focus on books for middle grade or young adult readers. There are agents who just plain don't do comics. So how do you find an agent who might be a good fit?

Manuscript Wishlist

Manuscript Wishlist (or MS Wishlist) is *an* option for finding your agent, but it's one that I think can be really helpful. The basic idea of MSWL is that the website version has vetted agents and editors who have submitted profiles explaining what they are looking for in submissions. It's built off of a Twitter system where agents and editors tag posts #MSWL to flag the sort of work they're looking for from writers. One of the things I really like about the site is that in addition to details on what the agents and editors are looking for, and how to go about querying them, a lot of folks also take advantage of the sidebars that include things like lists of "what I like" so you can get an even clearer idea of if your work will mesh well with their interests and if your personalities will mesh well while looking to work together. 

There are a ton of other resources out there for how to write good queries and each agency/agent/publisher/editor is going to have their own submission guidelines that you'll have to look up and follow--so I won't get into those--but this is a way to start seeing who might be interested in building a relationship with you. 

Also, keep an eye on Publishers Marketplace. This is a primary source for what publishing deals are happening. Maybe you want to submit a query to an agent about a talking dog. Might be good to check publishers marketplace to make sure that agent didn't just sell a book about a talking dog. 

MSWL Editors

MSWL also includes editors and for similar reasons. Editors have things they're interested in working on and it helps clarify to agents and to unagented folks what sort of titles they might be interested in acquiring. I *do not* currently have a MSWL set up on my own because I am not currently seeking submissions (sorry), but next time I think I might be, I'm going to be looking into it because I know what sort of stories I like to tell and what I would like to see from other folks. 

Obviously, if you don't have an agent, double-check that the editor you're submitting to accepts unagented submissions. That's hugely important. But especially in comics, only taking agented submissions is uncommon. And if an editor is making clear what they'd like to acquire, you wanna get it in front of them because that is the most direct pipeline to traditional comics publishing. But it's also worthwhile to remember that because of how agents and editors work together, there's a lot of outreach between the two where editors are searching for talent, but only want to reach out, not be reached out to--especially if you're looking to do work on an existing property, rather than an original. 

Now I'm gonna go batten down the hatches and prepare to ride out the rest of the coming storm! 

See ya next time! 

What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Dungeons & Daddies (Podcast), Craig of the Creek (Cartoon), Honkai Star Rail (Video game), My Adventures with Superman (Cartoon), The Broken Room by Peter Clines (Book), Crime Scene Kitchen (TV show), Dumbing of Age (Webcomic), Shortpacked (Webcomic--though some of these pop culture strips sure are dated and/or in poor taste!), Solve This Murder (Podcast), Praise Petey (Cartoon), the acoustic Sonic Symphony performance at the Speed Cafe (see below), at time of posting having power and not a lot of rain/hurricane weather, owning (but not having watched yet) the Venture Bros finale movie, getting 3 5-star (the best possible) character pulls in a row in Honkai (but not the character I really wanted, who I only have like 9 days to get now if I can...). 

New Releases this week (8/16/2023): Brynmore #2 (Editor) Godzilla: The War for Humanity #1 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog #63 (Editor)

Final Order Cut-Off next week (8/21/2023--last day to get your preorders in): Brynmore #3 (Editor) Godzilla: The War for Humanity #2 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: Amy's 30th Anniversary Special (Editor)

New Releases next week (8/23/2023): Godzilla Monsters & Protectors: All Hail the King TPB (Editor--on the latter half)

Announcements: Becca is at Cartoon-a Palooza in Temecula on 9/15 & 9/16. It's a cool free all-ages little con, so come on out and see them! 

Wanna support me? Consider joining my Patreon! This week, in addition to this blog (but without the Patreon plugs!) and one of my legacy blogs, I shared for the $10 and up members the script (and some extras) for my Beast Wars 2022 Annual story, "Rhinox's A-Maze-ing Adventure". You can only see it there! And I'll have more scripts, pitches, comics, etc going up in the weeks and months to come! Also coming soon, just coordinating with Becca, we'll be releasing a tease of a new comic we're working on together. It'll be on both our Patreons, but if you like art and adult art in particular, definitely don't miss Becca's either! 

Or, you can buy something from my webstore! A lot of what is there is no longer in print and won't be going back to print anytime soon to my knowledge. The stock I have up is pretty much the stock I have. And you can get it signed and personalized and sent to you for a pretty reasonable price which includes shipping.  Alternatively, I still have a few things up on eBay and I'm going to be adding a few more! 

Sorry to be hyping ways to send me money so much recently, but between rising rent and utility and gas costs, not so rising work hours/pay for Becca and I, and us also trying to plan a wedding for a year from now, money's been tight a lot! I know that's the case all around, and if you have been supporting me in any way, it has not gone unnoticed at all! This week, Becca and I checked out a venue that we really like for the ceremony and reception. So, hoping we can make that happen! 

Pic of the Week: I referenced it earlier, but the Sonic Speed Cafe pop-up here in San Diego did a special mini acoustic performance of the Sonic Symphony that's about to be touring the whole world! So we had three musicians in the restaurant playing some Sonic hits! It was a lot of fun! 

[chiveburger]

so my mom comes back tonight from hong kong, which simultaneously marks the end of my time of living alone and I have to say... I am so fucking relieved. although! a lot of good came out of me being alone for the last 2 months and I have to take some time to reflect on that. first of all, it’s not like I’ve never lived alone but this is the first time I did it while working full time and relied on my car everyday. that in itself enabled me to get more comfortable with driving, meet up with people and preserved that privacy that I often wouldn’t get if I needed to picked up and dropped off, and just... feel more grown up lmao. for example the other day I drove out an hour to richmond to meet my friends for camping and I remember driving down this exact same road maybe a year ago and pissing myself crossing a “tight” bridge. granted I was with my backseat driving mom, but it felt pleasant this time and having that vivid comparison was kind of nice. while I am by no means a good driver now I’m in general more cognizant of things that go on and I know (sometimes) what’s right and what’s wrong. so, that was one thing that living alone pushed me to do and it helped a lot because now I’m able to get to places without going through the 7 stages of grief every time I step foot in my car. while I don’t think living alone made me become a health guru who make a new chicken fajita recipe every night, and I’m gaining weight RAPIDLY because I eat out so much, it did make me realize how difficult it is to try to balance your life while needing to work full time and cook and clean and do everything to keep yourself sane. I don’t want to live alone right now, but it’s nice to do it for a short period of time. If anything, this time alone has given me time to do a lot (and buy a lot) of things I often wouldn’t if my family was here, and while the novelty wears off fast it’s a good period of learning and self reflecting. I’m 27 but I do not see myself needing to forcefully move out to become more “independent” or to fit into the niche of adults who think it’s necessary to do that but eventually I might. I’m really happy my mom is coming back, but the distance allowed me to 1) become a better driver, 2) redecorate my room, 3) buy expensive strawberry hagan daaz ice cream and 4) sleep with my cat in the bed. out of all the times I’ve lived alone, this one was definitely the most fruitful 

[flydotnet]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where I give myself stupidly niche requests according to this marvelous card... or something. It's been three years dawg. (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled).

You dislike me, Princess Ivy? We each have our tastes, I suppose, but…this makes me sad.

It's a bit of an unorthodox take on "Take Me Instead" that's tailored to my tastes, but what is fanfiction if not an expression of a thing you like? Yeah, exactly.

I may have lost myself during the making of this fanfic. Got lost in the sauce, you could say. It's very verbose and static, and I lost sight of what this fic was originally going to be about. Or was it ever about anything that wasn't writing an interaction vaguely based on a bond conversation that amused me? I'm not sure of either.

This is probably super OOC because I already don't write Camilla in a canon-compliant way, so… watch out for that! It was fun to write anyway. God I love Kagetsu so much, he truly is babygirl-coded.

The title is a bit random. I honestly didn't have better that wasn't a title I saw used elsewhere, so… oops.

-----------

Rice Vinegar

Summary: Camilla has a discussion with Kagetsu after a very rough battle against the Corrupted - out of concern and misunderstanding. Self-sacrifice is a truly ugly thing.

Fandom: Fire Emblem Engage

Word Count: 2.8K words

AO3 version available here.

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo.

---------------

Camilla has never been a stranger to death and bodily harm – quite the opposite, really. When she was alive, she often was the one inflicting this harm onto others, either in self-defence or in a genuine attempt to take down her enemies. It was her father’s overly ambitious mistresses, it was a mindless shell of a soldier threatening harm on her brother, it was – they all died, or died again, to her hand, her axe, her wyvern. And she had no regret about it whatsoever.

Nothing and nobody was ever sacred, when she was alive. Even alliances could fickle and she’d draw blood again. She had grown up in an environment where it made it all too easy to justify violence for all sorts of reasons, selfish or selfless, with or without consequences. It never came to pass, thanks to her dear Corrin, but the fear was here until the end of her days.

Camilla has, however, never been a stranger to self-sacrifices – mostly from other people.

She gets it, in essence. She, too, felt unconditional love for her siblings and her children, knew when to risk in a hit to save a friend, heard all of the speeches – a brother sacrificing his health for his country, a sister always ready to help anyone out of the kindness of her heart, a neighbour country’s values of honour and solidarity at times trampling a need for self-preservation. Duties and passion, abnegation, causes worth losing a life for.

It’s a noble feeling, even if noble isn’t exactly… what she’s been known for. But she gets it, she truly does – the urge to sacrifice something, that is. Her own life, though? That’s another thing. How could she protect her siblings and fight for her kingdom if she was dead? Sacrificing someone else was fine, as long as it wasn’t someone she had to protect, including herself.

Evidently, the person to who she’s been assigned doesn’t see it the way she does.

She came to learn that when in the heat of battle. They were all surrounded by flows of the Corrupted, unrelenting, the distant cackle of Griss coming to her hears. Kagetsu himself was flanked by Prince Diamant and Princess Ivy, his own liege, sword drawn and ready to strike, while flames burned in the distance and smoke stung his eyes. Despite the fact he had just exhausted his power to engage with her, she could still feel the way his legs cramped, the twitch in his sword arm after using it for so long and, most of all, the pain of the one injury he had sustained.

She couldn’t communicate with him much in this context, so she could only worry about him and the way he wouldn’t ask Princess Ivy for a quick heal with the staff she carried on her back – while she was busy blasting away with Bolganone in hands, Diamant could keep the Corrupted away for long enough so Ivy could patch her retainer.

He then froze. An archer had his eyes set on Ivy. She had her eyes somewhere else. A bleeding wound adorned her right thigh.

She couldn’t quite see Kagetsu’s face with the smoke and the way she had to hover without obscuring his vision, but what she felt spoke more than enough for him. Adrenaline pulsed in his body, so did an urge to protect his friends, and no thought was spared to his own safety. Like a good retainer, he’d throw it all away for the sake of his liege, exchanging his life for hers.

No, don’t take Princess Ivy! She heard his heart cry. Take me instead!

He rushed ahead, what was left of his ponytail dangling in the wind, blood already flowing from his left leg yet leaving no limp behind.

Diamant’s voice acted before his body ever did.

“Kagetsu, wait—”

But it was too late. His blade had already struck the archer, and an arrow had already lodged itself in his abdomen.

It’s since then all crashed down on poor, poor Kagetsu, who got sternly recommended to keep the bed by a child maybe half his size. Unable to protest in his state, he was no match for the youthful resilience of Jean, doctor in becoming, with assistance from stubborn Steward Framme. It’d have been cute, if she didn’t feel concern and so much of Kagetsu’s shame through the bracelet he was still holding on to.

Even now, watching over him in bed, she feels the shame, watches him try to toss and turn, only for his teeth to grit together. It’s an upsetting thing, even with her experience; they’re friends, and friends don’t ever like seeing their friend suffer in any way.

“I don’t understand it,” he tells her, even if it comes off as thinking out loud.

“What don’t you understand?”

Through their bond, she can tell he is upset – anxious, even, which comes off as a foreign concept to someone like Kagetsu. Moral pain like this is something that clashes with his usual personality. Perhaps there are more layers to him than she’d have thought?

“I don’t understand why Princess Ivy and Prince Diamant were so… upset. It’s like I did something wrong and it’s hurt them!”

Ah, figures.

Camilla did easily read the anguish on Ivy’s face, yes. She could tell with one insisting gaze that she was going through a lot of emotions, and while she isn’t able to tell with perfect accuracy due to not being linked to her at the moment, she can hazard a very solid guess as to what she was thinking – if just because their experiences haven’t been so different and because Kagetsu, ever the social butterfly, sees his liege a lot of the time and chats her up into unveiling some information about herself.

Although, there may be very little guessing on her part required to begin with, when she had the aftermath of the seemingly senseless sacrifice play out before her very eyes.

As soon as Ivy had finished defeating the Corrupted obscuring her view and flanking her, she had glanced back at her retainer, who now had an arrow in his side – a feat rare enough to be cited, both for the very fact it wasn’t in an easier area to reach, and for it to have lodged itself between two ribs.

She was about to scream his name, from what Camilla could see near the bracelet; but her voice was caught in her throat before she could, right as Kagetsu folded like paper onto himself.

The staff she was clutching in her hands was on the verge of rupturing, Diamant was bleeding from what Camilla could guess to be a deep gash in his side, but he insisted on her using it on Kagetsu, by virtue of him still standing and the swordman not, spotting the arrival of Framme.

So Ivy used the remaining energy left in the staff on her retainer, the tool breaking into dust as his eyes fluttered back open, an extraordinary weight to his eyelids preventing them from opening fully. His leg wound was now doing better, but the arrow remained in his chest. Right as she asked him, almost without a breath, how he was doing, his sole answer was smiling.

“I’m glad you are fine, Princess Ivy,” he said before falling back asleep.

Ivy wasn’t handling it as well as one whose father and concubines led a life of debauchery and deadly power games should’ve, in Camilla’s eyes, but she understood it. Beruka and Selena were far more important to her than political games, at the end of the day. Associate a name, a voice and a personality to a body, and then you’re suddenly much more affected by their blood flowing from their wounds. Figures.

Still, she carried on nonetheless: she brought Kagetsu on top of her wyvern to safety, watched the battle end by Diamant’s side, asked about the way he limped, scrutinized his denial, asked Framme to look at it. Kept an eye on Kagetsu. Almost refused treatment to be bedside vigil. Discussed his stillness with Zelkov, who didn’t even bother hiding all sorts of concerns. Let Jean take a look at her wound, in silence. Remained there once it was bandaged. Still watched over Kagetsu, stoic anguish never vanishing.

“Why did he do such a thing?” She asked, thinking out loud, at long last. “Putting himself in harm’s way on purpose… How reckless of him.”

There was no surprise in her voice.

“I suppose he did so to protect you,”

There was also no surprise in Zelkov’s as he replied.

“I can defend myself just fine.”

Diamant stared at the scene in silence from where he sat, nearby, face distorted.

“As any retainer would do,” he commented, eyes squinted, nailed into the form of his colleague.

“Then may he never do that again,” she immediately retorted, clutching her arms even closer to the rest of her body. “I’d have survived that without issue. He didn’t need to kill himself over me.”

The protest wasn’t a matter of pride, or else, Zelkov might’ve commented on it.

“I’m afraid it might happen again in any upcoming battle,” he told her instead. “Kagetsu and I have the mission to serve and protect you.”

“Even at the cost of your life?”

“Yes, even if it might cost us our lives.”

“Absolutely repulsive.” She was on the verge of crying. “Is he going to be fine…?”

“He should be,” Framme chimed in, now that she was done with Diamant’s leg.

“Should be?”

Framme’s shoulders shot up, stiff.

“It’s, uh… never certain. But he really should be okay! Jean’s just gonna check him over once he can and he’ll be able to go on his merry way! After some rest, of course.”

“He better be fine after this is all said and done. I won’t let him throw his life away for… such pointless reasons! I can’t… lose anyone again. Not after Hortensia and I had to…”

She didn’t finish her sentence, but judging by Zelkov and Diamant’s reactions, she didn’t need to.

Grief may’ve been the one thing linking the three of them together.

Once more, this doesn’t seem to be how Kagetsu views it – or perhaps he lacks knowledge of it. Losing blood and going through intense pain does tend to tinge someone’s memory or even bleach them away. Let her see how he conceives it, then.

“You didn’t do something wrong per say,” she starts explaining, for a second picturing a sister’s confusion at their brother’s upset. “But you did something that would bring pain to those who’re closest to you, dear.”

“In what way?” He sounds so genuinely confused, and in that moment, Camilla can only understand Ivy’s pain even further. “All I did was defend my friends. Princess Ivy could have been severely hurt.”

“What about Prince Diamant? I recall you being injured as well even before the arrow struck, Kagetsu.”

“He could have gotten hurt too.”

He ignores the second part entirely, then.

“But he was just as qualified as you were to take the enemy down before they could struck Princess Ivy.”

“I’m Princess Ivy’s retainer,” he chews back, even if it lacks strength (very much because his body has all sorts of protests against the exertion). “It’s my mission to keep her safe. It is not Prince Diamant’s mission.”

Camilla wants to ask if this could apply to Zelkov as well, only to bite back on it because asking seems to be a bit of pointless endeavour.”

“Then I suppose I can only hope to make you understand why they both were so upset, Kagetsu.”

His face lightens up.

“Oh, pray and tell! It sounds like very useful information to know.”

She shifts, crossing her arms and float-sitting on the empty chair next to the bed. Framme left a little while ago, but not without a promise to come back soon. It was something about a potion and reinforcement, if she recalls correctly, but this isn’t the focus of her thoughts.

“I too had retainers in my lifetime. They were both very dear to me, to a point where it pained me when they’d get hurt, especially on my behalf.” She sighs. “Of course, protecting one’s liege is the most important mission of a retainer, and both Princess Ivy and I understand that. Still, it didn’t mean I didn’t feel guilt for letting them get hurt on my behalf – or getting hurt at all, come to think of it.”

“You would feel… guilt?”

“Among all sorts of negative emotions, yes.”

“But then, why feel upset?”

“Because they were people who I cared deeply about, and like you, I didn’t like seeing my loved ones hurt in any way. I’ve killed for them, and I’d do it again even today.” He looks slightly horrified, which prompts her to let go a little of the bloodied details of a life long past gone. “Princess Ivy cares about you in a similar way, so even if you think you did good protecting her, she’s been upset to see you hurt – just like you’d have been would your positions have been inverted.”

“So, I caused Princess Ivy pain because she cares for me?”

“Indeed.”

He remains silent for a moment, leaning back into the pillow. He looks defeated.

“Then, if I had avoided that arrow… She would not have been hurt.”

This really isn’t what Camilla wanted him to conclude. What a stubborn soul.

Unfortunately, before she can disprove his flimsy theory, he continues.

“I wish my strange powers would not be so useless. If they were not, then perhaps… perhaps I could have seen it coming, and I could have protected Princess Ivy without upsetting her by getting hurt.”

“This isn’t what I wanted you to understand,” she replies. “Your powers may’ve stopped it from happening this time, but it wouldn’t fix the issue.”

His eyes, which are still slightly glazed over, grow wider, before his face hardens again.

“What would fix the problem, then, Camilla?”

He asks that with a flame in his eyes and no chill going down his spine – a far cry from a moment ago. The bright smile has always hidden a sharp blade underneath, and now, it’s pointed towards her, light lining its edge.

“Sometimes, you can’t avoid getting hurt, especially in combat. Ivy understands that as much as you do. However, what hurt wasn’t that you were in pain.” She marks a pause. “What hurt her was that you got hurt in her stead, when you were already hurt and actively hiding it from her. She blames herself for what happened, and combined with the concern it caused her, it was painful to go through. I’d even go as far as to say she’s wondering if you trust her.”

“Oh…”

The lack of bite tells her this is finally dawning on him.

“I know you tried to do good, and deep down, I know Ivy understands that as well. She only got concerned, but that’s why you can’t always jump in front of danger and take hits for other people. What if you had been more grievously injured than you thought? Or worse, what if the blow had been fatal?”

“I see… how that would cause a lot of bad things.”

“Ivy cares about you as a person, and by doing that, you hurt her by accident, just like she would if she got injured in front of you. It’s a fine line to walk, because while you had good intentions, most of the consequences were the complete opposite of what you wanted. You also need to think of your self-preservation, when you think of taking a hit for someone else.”

“I am starting to see…”

“I don’t expect you to learn all of this in one go. If your culture is anything like Hoshido’s, it promotes sacrifice for the sake of the greater good. At least, this is what I got from fighting alongside Hoshidians.”

“Oh, please tell me more! I am curious to know about-”

A knock on the door.

“It’ll have to wait until next time, I’m afraid. It seems like you’ve got a visitor.”

“Oh!” He lightens up. “Come on in, friend!”

The door opens to unveil a slightly less anxious Ivy: her shoulders are hanging lower, her eyebrows are unknitted, and her hands aren’t fiddling as much as they did when Framme was looking over her retainer.

“It’s good to see you’re awake, Kagetsu,” she says with a timid smile. “How are you feeling?”

“A little sore, but I am alive, and soon enough, I will be full of vigour again!”

“I’m certain you will,” she chuckles, but the laugh disappears quickly. “There are things I want to discuss with you.”

She sits down, gaze unfaltering, at which point Camilla decides they deserve some privacy.

[youngster-monster]

I KNOW THAT THE DISCORD WIPS ARE A TRAVESTY BUT PRIOR TO THAT THE LAST TIME I OPENED A GOOGLE DOC WAS IN LIKE 2018 TO MAKE AN OC SHEET THAT AMOUNTED TO 100 WORDS AT THE VERY MOST!!!! I DID NOT REALIZE GOOGLE DOCS WAS EVEN AN OPTION I JUST USED IT FOR MY BAD CHARACTER SHEETS

also i cant in good conscience act like the discord wips were ancient history... it is with Shame that i kneel before your askbox and admit that it was in 2020 until like late 2021... after that i realized i could use google docs and now i swear on my life that my fics are organized i SWEAR

ive been hibernating since february (last fic completed let alone worked on Properly) so i am more skeletal than rotted at this point but surely . surely it will come back to me and i will go crazy again

LITERALLY IT IS SO DIFFICULT INTRODUCING CHARACTERS i tried to write oc content recently and it went so bad that i couldnt even stomach the idea of it anymore it is so DIFFICULT but fanfic? fanfic is so much Simpler in my brain. in terms of work i mean because at the point that im writing fanfic about something ive already gone so deep into the lore that i could name 8 niche quest npcs and their full backstory + all of my headcanons in the form of 300 very lengthy discord messages

oh my god. sorry but midway through this ask i just remembered that i still have something of a discord wip channel in use right now, but its not for full works and it IS for snippets. sometimes i have these little ideas in my head but theyre not good enough for a full fic so i just jot em down in a discord channel for (hopefully) later use.... the discord wips will never die

real talk? what you said about any finished work being an accomplishment makes me feel alot better about how irregular my fics are because i end up feeling guilty about how by the time my writers block is over, the fandoms are completely different .. and to be honest when you stop thinking about it it IS kind of funny because theres a. wow fanfiction and b. anime fanfiction. i wonder sometimes if people go to my page and have an aneurysm looking at the fandom list

WII RP???????? WII RP???????????? i wasnt allowed to do really anything with our wii because i was really REALLY young so perhaps this is only insane to me because i never did anything except use the wii to watch pucca in 240p but ON THE WII??????????????????

im going to be wojack pointing at the m3:r wip until the end of time and you can count on that, these two dead elves (and particularly how you write them!!!) have carved themselves into my brain and they refuse to pay rent

2021..... damn bitch you live like this!!

7 months of hibernation... you're getting preserved in a bog it's Fine. I spent a whole year writing Nothing, just rotting mostly, and now look at me ( < not normal) (writing though!)

Fanfics are so easy... and you get other people to bounce stuff off of too like if I crave content I can go yell to my friends about it. For OCs you need Context.... Lore..... who has the time!!! I mean I do I am a known oc enjoyer but still. What work

I do also have the snippet channel. And the snippet notes app. And the snippet google docs. And the snippet paper scraps. And– yeah okay I've escaped the indignity of discord wips but not that of Disorganized WIPs

I'm glad it helped! There's no such thing as 'moving on' for a fandom!!! I know anime fandoms tend to be fast moving but if you let your wip age some more you too can become 'the only person still writing this ship', and profit 😈

Listen. My parents could ground me from using my PC. They could take my DS. But by god they couldn't take away ALL the screens and if I had to point and click my way through writing a post about my sparklewolf daughter of hades then I WOULD. And did!! My wrist will never forgive me

[thecandywrites]

Monster March 2023 Day 19- Mermaid Part 1

Something Special

Ok, so this has a lot I need to explain about myself before you read the story itself, which I will put under the cut.

But know that this will be taggged with trigger warnings for suicide, self harm, depression, mental breakdowns, nervous breakdowns, etc. And I will do that to keep you- the readers safe. Because you should take control of the media you consume and I do not want any of this to trigger anyone who is sensitive to such subjects or are uncomfortable with any of it. And if this does not sound like your kind of story or something you're not up for or comfortable reading. By all means, move on and find another that will give you the entertainment you are now doubt looking for. No hard feelings, happy and safe readings everyone.

Otherwise, thanks to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2023 prompt list, you're a life saver. And I mean that in a very literal sense.

So about the story itself. For MerMay a few years ago, a concept I had and then ran with was micro-mermaids. Mermaids that are as big as your fingers. And having a mom and sisters who keep aquariums, mutliple ones too. And while most them have been fresh water, my mom did keep a brackish tank for a while. We were always too poor to do salt water. But growing up with and around those, I know how niche it can be and how much joy and fun and relaxing it can be to just...sit there and watch these little jewles swim around. I'm very partial to guppies myself.

So imagine a world, where micromermaids are treated like venemous snakes are, you have to have special licencing and special certifications to even buy and own one. And so combine that with the aquarium industry, you would have to have special licensing and special certifications to buy, own and especially breed them. But not all breeders are good and responsible ones. I think we've all seen the horrors of the puppy mill industry. So there's a splash of that in here too.

Ok, so what you should know before you really read the story, is- I was totally the ugly duckling, turned beautiful swan type. But I didn't turn into a "beautiful swan" until senior year of high school - of which I graduated early from. So I grew up - the public school system, being largely ignored and being invisible and keeping my head down and blending in with the walls.

However, that was only one aspect of my life. Because that was my school life, in every other aspect, I was very much the "special kid" . Who is now an adult, with severe anxiety, a perfectionist complex, depression, suicidal thoughts and tendancies and someone who was lucky enough to get the intervention I needed and the help I needed through a psyche ward, Intensive Outpatient Psychotherapy and a 6 month Dialetical Behavioral Therapy. since my hopefully last- attempt 8 years ago.

And it didn't help that my dad was a narcissistic perfectionist (ex air-force) and a minister, who only gave love and affection when I performed said perfection to his standards. It meant that I very much was under the microscope to the congregation and always expected to set an example and be "picture perfect", the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect daughter to help with the family's "reputation" of being "the perfect family". And of course, purposefully, intentionally kept niave and ignorant to "preserve my purity". And all that fucking stupid bullshit. And I was unlucky in that when I was growing up, and dealing with deteriorating mental health, with a father figure like that, I was- I kid you not- "not allowed" to have mental health issures, because that would "tarnish the family's name and reputation". So I learned to mask at a very early age. And my mask has since, fallen, shattered, a few times over. And I've learned to simply remake it over and over as many times as I've needed to.

But what I've learned over the decades since- is that it is ok to not be ok. And you absolutely should have a support system, and personal boundaries, and autonomy and be given respect and dignity because you're a human being. And if the mask slips and or if the mask falls and shatters, it's not the end of the world. We just try again. And build from scratch if we have to.

And for those that can not fathom ever having these thoughts, I want to give you an illustration to help you wrap your head around this.

No one "earns" the right to be depressed or suicidal. It's like a new phone with those pre-installed apps that you can NEVER uninstall. That will give you push notifications- those notifications being 'you're worthless, you're a monster, you're a burden, you're better off dead, this is never going to stop, this is insufferable, you can't take this, just quit, just end it all, once and for all'- all the time. For those of us who have depression and especially suicidal thoughts and tendancies, we do not choose this. This is just our "factory settings" period.

Now with therapy and perhaps some anti-depressants, especially the right ones, they can either slow down the frequency of the "push notifications" from every 5 seconds to maybe ever five to fifteen minutes or even only a few times a day, if you're really lucky. And they can help you ignore the push notifications that intrude into anything and everything you do. And they can help you swipe them away when they do come up instead of clicking on the notification and staring into all the ugliness and internal darkness and see the laundry list of everything that's wrong that is causing us pain and anguish and guilt and suffering. Or worse yet, see the notification and fantasize about it or worse- agree with it. And then doing something that can not be undone.

However, the day I wrote this , was actually my 8th year anniversary of my last failed suicide attempt. And while I'm happy to be alive now. And I've had many wonderful experiences since then that I absolutely would have missed out on had I been successful.

When and if you decide to read this- you'll see, a lot of that, in this. And that's why this story is tagged with so many trigger warnings.

But what made this anniversary the hardest year yet- was Labor Day of 2022 my cousin, on my dad's side, successfully committed suicide. And now I have all of this survivor's guilt because me and my immediate family were never close with my dad's side of the family. She was my age. Her daughters are my daughter's age. And everything I thought I had dealt with and I thought I had healed and fixed with all my therapy and right medications since- came back up and reared it's ugly head. And I've been struggling ever since and this March has been the hardest since in the last 8 years.

That's why I launched myself into Kinktober last year and now Monster March. Because for me, this is part of my own therapy. And a way to create a world where everything is fine, and nothing hurts. Where I have control in times when I feel like my personal life is out of control, and it's just hit, after hit, after hit. Because in the last two years alone, I've lost 16 people in my personal close friends and family circle. My cousin and my grandfather died less than a month apart. One death, I had seen coming and had prepred myself for, the other took me by surprise and threw me off so bad I'm still reeling.

So this is my chance to make something new and beautiful and helpful and comforting and something that others who may be struggling with this, can have something that they connect with get sympathy and empathy and hopefully seek the help they need. Before they do something that can not be undone.

So, now, with all of that in mind and the forwarning, here's the story.

Monster March Day 19- Merperson- Micro-mermaid. 

Something Special

Part 1

Your whole life was spent in a huge community tank. With species of all kinds sharing the tank. And while families more or less had their own “homes”. All the kids tended to stay together and play in the various areas that were meant to keep the kids entertained while the parents, who were always live bearers, always seemed to continuously be popping out new babies. And at a certain point, all the kids went to a huge school in the large community tank. And while most could live just about anywhere, there was a sense of segregation. The guppy micros tended to stay together in their own schools, the neon tetra micros tended to school together, the mollies, and oscars and angels and of course the discus, being the largest micros of the tank. And in your opinion, the most cliquey. However, the older you got, the more separated the sexes of the same age got to be. It started just as the two groups were starting to mature. And of course, that’s when the schooling became more rigorous and more intense that all the girls and all the boys simply stayed in “dorms” at the school itself. The boys on one side and the girls on the other and by that point, it was your school mates in your own “grades” that became more or less like your sisters. The dorms themselves were large hunks of rocks that had holes and paths all throughout. It was like one big piece of swiss cheese. And each girl tended to keep to the different “bunks” that were these naturally occurring caves, fixed up to be little bunks where one could find solitude- to a degree, depending on how many other bunks were throughout. 

And the few times the two sexes could see each other in the large hallways there was always some gawking done on both sides. While siblings were the only ones allowed to approach each other. However, that wasn’t to say there weren’t some secret tunnels being dug on both sides when sexually mature and horny teenagers were concerned. 

However, all through school, you noticed that the teachers and mentors always seemed to single out the prettiest of the girls and say ‘oh she’s going to go for sure’ to each other when they would eat together while everyone else ate their various meals. And when you tried to ask about it, the teachers would deny ever saying anything. But the girls who were singled out, seemed to spend much more time with the mentors than in the classes with the teachers. And even they would not say anything about it. But always seemed to be more and more detached to the others emotionally and if anything, have a bit of a superiority complex because they had been singled out as “special”, “especially spoiled brats” was more of a fitting title. 

Most of you just wanted to get through school so you could go back home. And be with your home communities again and finally get a chance to get on with the rest of your lives. 

However, days before graduation, when most of you were looking forward to going back home, suddenly news seemed to spread through the school- all those “special” students who were going to be ‘go’ were all called out of class. And it was as if all the girls who were in that category- blew a breath of relief and seemed to say their quick goodbyes before going with the mentors to wherever they were supposed to go- to. 

And then, to your shock, all of you could hear crying in the hallways as you all instinctively swam towards the door to look out and see what was happening. The girls who were previously told they were “so special” all of their school careers were sobbing in the hallways. 

“What is going on? Why are they crying in the hallway?” You asked the teacher. 

“Oh, the poor dear.” Mrs. Coolie tsked with a shake of her head.  

“Ok, girls, girls, please, sit down.” She instructed as she swam to get everyone back into their seats. 

“Now, let me explain what’s going on…” She began before the mentors were back. 

“I need all of the guppy micros.” Mrs. Dalma insisted before you and the other guppies around you seemed to gulp nervously and began to collect your things. 

“Leave your things, I need you all to come with me right now!” Mrs. Dalma, the most intimidating of the mentors, snapped before all of you immediately dropped them and quickly swam to her before you got into the hallway and away from where all the other girls were sobbing into each other’s shoulders in a small room. 

“Into here.” Mrs. Dalma insisted before a special door opened to reveal a small room, made of plexiglass all around. And many humans were on the other side. 

“Into the room!” Mrs. Dalma practically barked and then pushed all of you into it then made you all “stand” apart while the humans looked more closely at all of you individually. 

Now while you all were used to the various humans, who you all knew and recognized who fed you and cared for you. These were different humans and you did not like the way they were looking at you and the others. But Mrs. Dalma was going down the line, showing you off like you were some…pedigree pet! 

And that’s when all of it began to make sense. The owner of the tank was selling off their better “stock” in their tank. 

When it was your turn, she had you spread your fins to show them off, before you were directed to swim across the box. And then brace your hands down on the floor while you had your fins spread out from the side and suddenly everyone crowded around the box and took pictures and then the lights shut off and then a special light was directed at you and when they did that, your body lit up in a way you had never known it could. And that’s when a bidding war broke out over you among all of them. Apparently something about the pattern on your body and fins was something they liked and wanted. And if it wasn’t for Mrs. Dalma actually holding your fins out like a sheet or blanket, you wanted to shrink in on yourself. The pattern was something you had never seen before, and neither had the others apparently. 

“Keep straight and keep your fins out.” Mrs. Dalma ordered through her smile of gritted teeth as she held your fins up and then had the others do the same so you wouldn’t “tire out”. 

Your whole life you were used to being seen as nothing special, just a regular dark guppy micro with a nonsensical pattern on your body, fins and tail. To you- in normal lights, your coloring wasn’t all that different than the others, you didn’t feel that your beauty exceeded any others the way the “special” girls always seemed to point out. If anything, you were the opposite! They were “classically” beautiful with bright, bold, and beautiful colors. If anything, you were dark and in your opinion, rather drab, except for this blob of dots on you. And you were content with that. But several people where now acting like you were the prettiest girl in the whole tank! 

What was this madness?

No wonder the others were crying, they must have realized why all of you were separated as kids. Kept single, kept virgin. Kept practically in the dark about all of this, like fish kept in a tank at seafood restaurant, you all seemed to serve a single purpose, to be raised up to be sold off like any other fish, whether to go onto a plate or into another tank- the feeling was the same. 

All your dreams of going back home and ever seeing your family again were dashed to pieces in only a few minutes. With one bang of the gavel, you were sold off, as were most of the others before Mrs. Dalma got the “news”. 

“Ok, girls, go back to class, get your things, go back to your bunks, pack up, you’ll get a chance to say goodbye to your families, but you’ll be leaving right after.” She informed you as the door was opened and suddenly huge guards were put into the tank to personally escort you and the others after they put special vests over your chests. All while the other kinds of girls were given the exact same treatment. And now all of you were crying as you picked up your books and only got to tell the others that you were sold off and leaving the tank and at least got to say goodbye to the others in the class before you went to your bunks with your guards while the guards themselves seemed to have bags of their own to put all of your stuff into for you. 

But just as you and the others who were about to leave, you were nearly attacked by the “special” girls who were suddenly so angry and rageful at you for “stealing” this from them. How they had spent their entire lives preparing themselves for this. But all because- the lighting was bad or some other reason that was not their fault, they weren’t chosen. And the guards were there to keep them from actually touching you. And to keep you from actually trying to trade places with them. But they were quickly put into nets of their own and separated from the others to “cool down” before others came over to give them a second look. And with a single nod- suddenly they were chosen again, granted not by who they originally thought they would be, but with being chosen, suddenly they were as sweet as sweet weed again and happy to get into the nets with their things and get out of the tank. 

You were put into a net and then all at once, without any warning, your blood was taken, then you were given injections all over your body. And a huge one right at the end of your tail before your tail fin. You could remember the “special” girls would routinely get out of class and come back sore and bandaged up. And had been on a special regimen of shots and medicine over the course of the last two weeks, now you were getting it all done in all one go. And your whole body hurt even when the others assured you they had given you something for the pain of the injections. If anything it took the initial sting out of them but you felt the ache of them in your whole body and you felt sick and ended up throwing up before you were cleaned and then put in fresh water that didn’t smell anything like your old tank. 

After that ordeal, you were put in a plastic tub on the outside of your home tank while the guards continued to collect all that the buyer chose. Your parents and other siblings though, soon got to come and say goodbye, but from inside the tank itself. But because of the distance, neither of you could hear or touch the other. 

‘What is happening?’ You signed to your parents. 

‘You are a very special girl. You were bought by another owner of another tank. You will get to choose a mate in life and have a home of your own now.’ Your father signed back with a brave smile while your mother was trying to smile through her tears as she held onto your little siblings in her arms while her pregnant belly was still full of future siblings. 

Your brothers from the boy’s side of the tank were even escorted over to you to say their goodbyes and while you went to the same school, you could barely recognize them as being your brothers for as little as you saw or even got the chance to socialize with them. 

All of them were saying that this was ‘a good thing’, that you were ‘lucky’. That you were ‘going onto a better life’. 

But you couldn’t feel that way. You didn’t feel lucky, you felt cursed. 

You just sat at the bottom of the container, wrapped in your blanket because the water that had been put in here was cold and your body hurt and the blanket was the closest thing to comfort you had while you glared at the bits of your tail and fins that stuck out beyond the blanket and resented them because you still didn’t know what it was about them made you so “special” in the first place. 

Three dots in a splotch and a pattern that showed up under a special purplish-blue light. Three dots that touched each other, somehow made you “so special” that you had armed guards to escort you and suddenly get the “special attention” that all the other “special” girls got earlier in their lives. And you were given a stack of books to “help you catch up” on the “special lessons” that you apparently hadn’t gotten in school that the special girls had already gotten and knew. But you ignored the stack of books and simply tried to commit to memory every face of each family member you had because you knew you would never get to see them again.