#but what do i know im just the trans guy here

[vitch-with-v]

Hey remember this? I do, so here's the proof

TRIGGER WARNING: UGLY ASS DRAWINGS FROM WHEN I WAS A PRE-TEEN AND LORE DROP

These are some of the first appearances of Joaquín, my "male version". He got his name after what my mom was gonna name me if i was born a boy

I had made a chart explaining all the different characters that were divisions of myself (cuz there were a lot) and here is Joaquín, who was not only my male version but also my self-esteem

Worth noticing: no, i don't have split personality or any kind of similar conditions, i was just a weird kid and i thought it was cool to give names and faces to different sides of myself, i haven't done that ever since, most of them didn't even survive past 2019, expect for him

His "presence" grew stronger in the start of the quarantine, cuz i was bored and very lonely :(, so he was basically an imaginary friend, that's why i usually drew him just hanging out with me (longer hair, pre-trans lol)

This is ME when i decided to cut all my hair off, wich is when i started questioning my gender, at this point i thought i might be non binary, but Joa still lingered, cuz i mean he was a really important character for me yk?

↑Me and Joa after my haircut... Yeaaaaahh....

Here it says "im gonna change Joa's name" (it says "don't ask why" under it, not pictured). This is also when i went oh shIT I MIGHT BE A BOY- so u can imagine WHY i wanted to change his name, you know, the name i was gonna have if I WAS A BOY??? Yeah, that didn't work out anyways cuz i ended up naming myself after some emo guy from an australian tv show that changed my brain chemistry so :p

This was also the last time i drew or ever mentioned him, after this he basically fucking died and i forgot about him completely + i stopped drawing and journaling for like a year or so (consider that i used to do it almost every day)

I find it crazy looking through my old sketchbooks and seeing my actual self from today be depicted as a "character", this is literally how i draw myself TODAY (with a lot of improvement ok? This is from like 2020/2021)

And i almost forgot to mention, but i was a hardcore fujoshi in 2019 (wich really fucked me in the head cuz it's not good to be reading porn at such a young age but oh well-), and so i used to ship Joa with one of my best friends oc's and we'd joke that they were gay and jaja funny they're gay yk hehe jiji jaja yk?

Thanks to the quarantine i started interacting with ACTUAL queer content, made by ACTUAL queer people, depicting what it's ACTUALLY LIKE to be part of the lgbt+ community, and not the fetishization of gay men made by and for (mostly) straight women, wich also made me feel real bad cuz i was like "oh no I've been fetishizing gay men all this time! Im a straight woman, it's weird for me to like gay men so much!" And honey do i have news for you :).

But i was pleased to find im not the only one that went thru the "fujoshi straight/might be a lesbian girl to transgender gay man" pipeline, it's crazy how there is no original experience, ive seen a gazillion fuckers who went thru the same shit, wich is surprising cuz how the fuck u go from "might be a lesbian" to "im a gay man", but hey, at least im not alone :))

If you read all that, you either really wanna know me, you have too much free time, or u need help HSKSHAKA. But yeah, jst wanted to share my experience, bc i still think about it till this day, and i still think of him every now and then

I don't think im ever bringing him back, or maybe i will, who knows, but for now he has a home in the black box with all my old sketchbooks, and i hope he's comfy in there ;)

the song made me giggle a lil as a trans guy

[gin-juice-tonic]

random but. Remember a while back when I talked about the trans-centered therapist I saw in college who didnt like that I said I wouldnt start dressing differently just because of medical transitioning?

Well, I also remember at a few different points in time being asked "What are you hoping to look like after starting hormone therapy?"

and I answered with: "I'm trying not to have any specific expectations so I don't become upset if I don't match them someday. I'm happy to experience any of the standard effects of testosterone."

And let me tell you. Neither the therapists nor the practitioners prescribing me the testosterone themselves liked that answer either.

[omgcatboi]

I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.

[sickfreaksirkay]

my friends and i have started a dnd campaign which is really fun except for the fact that there's one guy in it who hates me and who i hate and he keeps forcing my character and his to interact purely so i have to endure one on one conversations with him. i would be really annoyed about this if it wasnt kind of next level genius hater behaviour

[hana-bobo-finch]

extraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuughhhhh

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[crystalistrappedintheinternet]

adding tme to my bio bc while on one hand announcing my birth sex makes me dysphoric on the other hand. some of you are misogynists

[ghostcrows]

me praying to get any kind of IT job and now just being so embarrassed that it happened because I DONT FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING? like you'd seriously think i would but i dont know a goddamn thing. a coworker watched me struggle to turn back on a monitor that went into sleep mode today. i couldnt find the fucking button on it. like i want to kill myself over that and i wish i was being funny but im being hilarious. they watch me fumble putting in my password on these 2000 goddamn websites i have to have accounts for for some reason AND they put me on the phone to squeak mousily at angry people who are calling for higher stakes problems than the library (but that part wasnt that bad bc most of them i got to just transfer the call)....i just want to SCREAM. i just want to scream because of the enormity of my incompetence. but its not even that serious. but it is. it is

[pinkyjulien]

.

[divine0]

i dont even want a dick i just wish i was born withone so people would stop seeing me as a girl

[battlships]

the fact that disney keeps remaking all their old movies but worse (not you little mermaid you’re perfect and we’re so glad to have you here) but won’t use this opportunity to make a live action Treasure Planet that does well financially is going to kill me one of these days

[jesterguy]

I have so many posts in drafts about Palestine and I still just don't even know what to say or where to start

[arolesbianism]

Upon further examination, I am leaning more and more into Otto being a nonbinary egg opposed to a nonbinary person who uses he/him pronouns. Thanks for the help Mi-ma <3

[itsalwaysdark]

oh and vitamins get me too how am i supposed to know what i need to be having and if rhey do anything at all. i suppose i go to a dr and see what im proficient in i am supposed to schedule a checkup they sent me a whole letter abt it and there was a number to find a pcp but im nervous about finding a doctor idk why. i just get worried about umm. well i get worried about badically everything in my life but in relation to drs i guess i just get nervous about well the transgender and also the umm. mental and also i get worried theyll be mad at me that i havent been to a dr in ages and that i dont take good care of myself i feel like drs r never understanding i remember back when i had a psych i tried to be like So if i miss a dose of these meds because im like 14 and you are not medicating my attention issues is it a Wait until the next dose situation or is it a take it as soon as i remember situation and he was like Well just dont forget to take your meds. Okay. well see i would also like not to do that. did you notice i said proficient up there insread of deficient. i didnt until just now. im editing this post to add this comment. proficient. did it make you mad that i did a word wrong. im sorry .... im just really really good at um. vitamin b. or something. i was gonna make a penis joke but it felt a bit gouche. it didnt rly i just rly love saying that things Felt a bit gouche. one of my favorite things to say rn

[trans-estinien]

oh were so fucking in for it

[snekdood]

bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?