#but what do i dare say out loud? what am i really willing to commit to Tumblr posts

[couchkitty]

　　　λ,,..,,λ Ψ ,

／i＼/ ・ω・ヽ|／i＼

⌒⌒l::.:... ｏ⌒⌒

`'ー---‐´ l

[deannagrey]

Just Dare Me: Chapter 2 (3/4)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4

“Why are we are we here, David?” I asked instead of going down the rabbit hole with him tonight. My heeled boots were too wet to be comfortable. The tips of my twists dripped water onto the back of my blouse. I needed a warm shower, a cup of coffee, and a crappy fantasy TV show to veg out to immediately.

“Follow me.” He pushed away from the bar with a dark smile that sent a spark in my belly. This spark didn’t feel as ominous as it usually did. It felt exciting. What the hell was there to be excited about in the presence of David?

“Hope you remember rule number two,” I called after him. The bar had gotten harder to navigate. I bumped into quite a few people to keep up with him. It looked like the band was switching out. A guy with a charming grin took the place of the soulful singer from before. His opening words to the crowd were ‘howdy’ and I jumped at the roaring response. .

“Of course, I remember number two,” David tossed the words over his shoulder. “You remind me every time. You really that scared?”

I scowled, not answering.

After our first few dares, we came up with a set of rules neither one of us could break. The first rule: nothing illegal. No stealing from big box stores, committing fraud, yada yada.

Rule two: we couldn't dare one another to do something that could lead to physically harming ourselves or others.

Rule three: dares couldn't be sexual in nature. No daring to kiss or sleep with someone or each other.

As we neared his destination, my stomach dropped and my mind immediately went to rule two. I said as much out loud which earned me a laugh from David.

“You’re not going to hurt yourself,” David said as soon as the current rider on the mechanical bull fell off, head first. They walked off the padding, rubbing their neck and trying to stretch out their back. “Well…as long as you hold on or fall with grace,” David added with a shrug.

Every part of me twisted with nerves at the thought of mounting that thing. There would be no dignified way to hold onto the bull. My clothes would get more wrinkled than they were currently. And my twists would whip in every direction. I swallowed at the thought of how ridiculous I’d look. When I glanced at David, he was looking back at me with a smile. He knew. He knew how ridiculous I’d feel. David had found the perfect activity to ensure embarrassment. Payback for the fountain slip.

“I didn’t dare you to get in the water,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

He didn’t need further context to know what I was referring to. “I know. But I am daring you to get on the bull…you putting an end to this once and for all?”

The first one of us to refuse a dare meant the game was over. I had to keep the streak going. The first person to say no to a dare owed the other person anything. Anything in David's terms was dangerous.

“Absolutely not,” I snapped and pulled a hair tie from my pocket. David watched with that smug look on his face as I unbuttoned the sleeves of my silk top and rolled them up.

“Just be happy I’m not setting a time limit,” he said. “Originally, I wanted you up there for a minute, at least.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, thank you for your benevolent generosity.”

“For you? Always.”

“Who’s next?” The operator called, looking around the crowd for a willing participant.

I squared my shoulders, cracked my knuckles, and declared, “Me.”

“You?” The operator’s eyebrow lifted. He readjusted his cowboy hat to sit further back on his head like he was having problems seeing me. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

I scowled at the overly familiar pet name. “More sure than you’ll be if you call me that again.”

The operator chuckled and opened the gate for me. “My apologies…Miss.”

As I crossed the threshold, the guy called out the safety guidelines. I was in control of how fast the bull went. The fine signal was a thumbs-up and the stop was a thumbs-down, yell, or scream. Whichever came first, according to him.

“You should try for the record. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself,” David called in a mocking tone once I stepped onto the padding. I was only allowed to keep my socks on and they squeaked against the plastic underneath me.

“And what’s that?” I played along even though there was no way in hell I’d stay on this thing for more than a millisecond.

“Seven minutes.” David gestured to a clock behind me with the record time beneath the current timer. “You get free drinks for a year.”

“Well, in that case…” I gripped the handlebar near the “head” of the bull and wrapped my arm around its “body.” With a deep breath, I pushed myself up in a poor attempt to swing my leg over the bull. The operator was polite enough to look the other way, hiding his laugh. David? Not so much.

“Might want to use the stirrup,” David rested his elbows on the wooden gate surrounding the bull. He looked entirely too entertained. The only thing missing was a bucket of popcorn.

My cheeks burned when I noticed the very convenient stirrup. How I overlooked it before, I have no idea. Maybe it was the nerves coursing through my veins. Or the fact that David hadn’t torn his gaze from me once. I was approaching full panic mode. I didn’t perform well in situations that could show me in a less-than-favorable light.

With a determined inhale, I gave myself a quick mini pep talk. In moments of doubt, I became someone else. And tonight, I needed to be a rough-and-tumble Yara. A girl who rolled with the punches and mounted bulls like a champ.

[mystic-shadows42]

Infiltrate

Pairing: Hvitserk x reader x Ivar

Warnings: Language

Summary: Hvitserk is in love with the reader who happens to be married to Ivar. Loyalty is tested and jealousy spikes.

The men brought forth Hvitserk to present to Ivar. A new member to join their fight.

Ivar looked rather surprised to see Hvitserk there. They hadn’t left on good terms but he wanted to hear him out regardless. 

“Hello, brother. I see you’ve decided to join me.”

Hvitserk was about to answer until he saw movement from behind Ivar. He saw your flowing dress headed towards them. Even in front of Ivar, he could hardly take his eyes off of you.

“Yeah,” he just barely whispered.

Ivar noticed he was distracted and turned around in time to see you. He smiled and embraced you in his arms. This time Ivar let his mouth linger on you as he peppered your lips with kisses.

“Ivar, not in front of your brother,” you whispered into his ear and he smiled into your neck.

Ivar loosened his hold on your hips but let his hands roam over your arms and waist.

“Hello, Hvitserk. I’m glad you’re here to support us.”

“I’m here for whatever you need.”

You nodded your head in satisfaction while Ivar noticed the subtle hint. Hvitserk had his entire attention rooted to you. There was a tension in his stare that didn’t sit well with Ivar.

He squinted at his brother and was about to make a remark when someone came up and whispered in his ear. Ivar’s face hardened at whatever news he got.

“Excuse me. I am needed elsewhere. My love, try not to cause any trouble.”

You smiled at Ivar and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“How can I promise such a thing?”

Ivar had left along with his group of followers who hardly ever left his side. So now it was just you and Hvitserk.

You watched Ivar leave and didn’t notice that Hvitserk had moved closer.

“Since when have you been married to my brother?”

You sighed and turned to face him.

“Since he asked me to be his wife.”

“To be queen? Is that it?”

You tilted your head at Hvitserk not liking his reason for you marrying his brother. There was a time you didn’t care for Ivar but he was relentless in trying to win you over.

He was sweet and patient vying for your affection. He showed you a different side and that’s what made you fall for him. 

“I’m with Ivar because I love him, not because of a mere title. So whatever you’re getting at Hvitserk, don’t. If you’re not here to support Ivar, then what are you here for?”

Hvitserk looked around the place making sure no one was around. He licked his lips then contemplated what it’d mean if he said what he felt out loud. He was in his brother’s camp. He knew there’d be spies everywhere but he was willing to risk it.

“Why do you think I came? Rumors spread that you were going to marry my brother. I had to see it for myself.”

You shook your head at Hvitserk. He didn’t have to come all the way here just to figure that out.

“Then you wasted your time.” You moved closer to him so he could hear you better. “If Ivar were to hear you.” You didn’t finish as you allowed him to think on that thought alone. Ivar got jealous easily. He may have a better hold on his temper but that never stopped him from still acting out every now and then.

Hvitserk got closer to you, holding your hands in his. 

“I don’t care. I came back for you.”

You quickly moved your hands away from his.

“Your feelings are misplaced.”

“Are they?”

You tilted your head while looking at Hvitserk.

“Yes. There’s nothing here, you understand? You are my brother by marriage, nothing more.”

You began to walk away not wanting to make a scene in case somebody were to walk by. He didn’t seem to get the hint as he kept up with your pace.

“Does Ivar know that you warmed my bed for months during the winter nights?”

You were quick to turn to him hitting his chest. “How dare you!” You whispered, harshly. “Even if he does know, he doesn’t mention it. You’re a fling of the past Hvitserk. Ivar is my present and future. I don’t expect anything but your loyalty to Ivar.”

Hvitserk allowed you to walk on but kept a safe distance and saw you enter a barn. He was about to enter but stopped upon hearing you speak to someone else. He snuck to the side of the barn and watched through the cracks.

Ivar was in there with you and he had his head placed on your shoulder. You had your hands rubbing down his arms in a soothing notion of comfort.

“It’s starting to ache.”

“I’m here. Remember, don’t focus on the pain. Just focus on me.”

You interlaced your fingers with his and kissed him. The barn was your place to be intimate with each other but whenever the pain would be too much for Ivar to bear, you’d simply lie with one another until he had to leave.

It was moments like this when just being in complete silence with each other was enough. Ivar didn’t have to do anything, his presence was enough. He had your heart completely.

“I have to go,” he said lowly.

“You’ve only just got here.”

“I’m king remember,” he smiled at you and cupped your face. “Know that there’s no greater prize than you as my queen.”

You smiled and kissed his lips one last time. Hvitserk watched and waited. Ivar would be busy so this was his chance with you. His hand hovered over the entryway. Against his better judgment, he entered.

He closed the doors behind him and looked at your surprised face.

“Get out of here, Hvitserk.”

Your heart started to race when he didn’t say anything back. His intentions weren’t good that much you could tell.

You watched him as you tried stepping around his large frame. He held his arm out blocking you.

“I’m not going to leave.”

“Then I’ll scream.” You tried once more evading him but he placed his hands on your arms holding you in place.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

You crinkled your brows at him, not understanding. He had no obligation to stay.

“There’s nothing here for you. Why can’t you just leave it all in the past?”

“I love you.”

You froze in your spot. Love wasn’t to be taken lightly.

“You’re in love with the idea of me,” you spoke in a softer voice this time. Perhaps he was still hurting from his past.

“Did Ivar ever tell you what he’s done to the women I’ve loved?” His voice sounded strained but he held firm. You knew of the losses he’s endured. It was a hard thought to accept that Hvitserk lost the women he’s cared for in his life. All gone at the hands of your husband.

“I’ve heard stories.” It was something you didn’t like but it was part of Ivar’s past.

Hvitserk let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t suppose he ever told you how exactly he rid of them.” He took your devote silence as his answer. “Tragic. Ivar’s killed every woman that I’ve ever loved, brutally. Every single one. Except you.”

There was a hushed silence after he spoke. His chest heaved and his eyes held a new profound fury in them. It was one that wasn’t for you but rather a fury that had been long pent up before he even came here. 

This anger was for Ivar.

“So what? You’re trying to get even with him by messing with me?” You shrugged. “What Ivar did was wrong, we both know that. You’re brothers. Speak to him. He’ll listen, I know he will.”

Hvitserk shook his head. He already made up his mind. He didn’t want to have a civil conversation with his brother.

“I can give you everything Ivar can’t.”

You shook your head at him. It was hard to get your point across when he didn’t even bother to listen.

“Ivar is all I want. I love him. Why can’t you understand that?”

“Because nobody loves Ivar. They fear him and he uses everyone’s fear to his advantage.”

“Well not with me. He’s changed since the last time you saw him.”

“Really?” He scoffed in disbelief getting closer.

“Really,” you stated trying so hard to stand firm and appear confident in front of him. Usually, you’d be able to read Hvitserk but he was different. He was unpredictable now.

Hvitserk placed his hands on your lower back before pulling you forward to kiss you. He held your head to him so you wouldn’t pull away. You tried moving his hands from you until you kicked his shin and pulled back.

“Why’d you do that?!” You huffed watching as he was bent over with a smile on his face. “Just leave me alone.”

“Is that an order by the queen?” He mocked. You ignored him and left him.

It was starting to become evident to Hvitserk that your loyalty lies with Ivar.

He saw the way you proudly stood by his side and consoled him when his bones started to ache.

You were both good for each other but that wouldn’t stop him from trying again. His brothers all seemed to get the women they wanted. They married and were committed to only one. He wanted that now.

He’d be damned if he let his brother take this from him. Time had passed as Hvitserk was deep in thought. The incident earlier was fresh on his mind even with Ivar in front of him going over plans.

Ivar had stopped speaking when he saw his brother’s attention was diverted when pushing his food away. His men had informed him of the incident in the farm and he wasn’t too happy about it.

“I see the way you look at her.”

“Look at who?” Hvitserk questioned without looking at his brother. He knew Ivar was smart, he just wanted to play dumb to see what he knew so far.

Ivar scoffed and shook his head at his brother.

“The way you look at my wife. I can see in your eyes what you want to do to her.”

“She’s your wife Ivar. She’s yours. It doesn’t exactly matter what I think.”

Ivar nodded. “You’re right, she is my wife.” Ivar got closer to Hvitserk so he could whisper in his ear. “I don’t share. Frankly, I get jealous. I don’t like the way you look at my wife neither the impure thoughts you’re thinking.”

Hvitserk humorlessly chuckled. “What would you like me to do then, brother?”

“I’m not speaking to you as my brother. I’m speaking to you as your king. Leave my wife alone or so help me Hvitserk, I’ll kill you.”

“You forget that I am fighting for you.”

“You’re only here because you were curious how things were here. You jumped ship for her, not me. I know you’ve had her before so as far as I’m concerned you’re loyalty isn’t with me. At least, not completely.”

Hvitserk pushed his food aside and clasped his hands together turning his full attention to Ivar. Something changed in his eyes which made Ivar tense.

“You need me Ivar. Only I know how to get you a bigger army. I know the layout of the land you want to raid and I also know where we can get silver.”

Ivar’s lip twitched in amusement.

“I can achieve all of that without you, brother.”

This time it was Hvitserk’s turn to have a condescending smirk. 

“No, you can’t. You know it and I know it. I have terms for each one I help you achieve.”

“Terms? What is it that you want Hvitserk?”

“I want your wife.”

Ivar tilted his head to the side. “No, you don’t.”

“I want her Ivar.”

“What are your terms? Come on,” he urged.

“My answer will remain the same. I want your wife.”

“You can’t have my wife. I can give you anything but her.”

Hvitserk took his sword out and pierced it into the ground. He twisted the handle turning it in the dirt.

“What you fail to realize Ivar is that you don’t really hold any real power. You don’t believe I would come here and make demands without actually having a plan of my own, do you?”

He looked up to see Ivar knitting his brow in confusion.

“What do you speak of?”

“I’ve allied myself with an army. We want the same as you. So we can either be allies or we can destroy everything you worked so hard to gain.”

“You infiltrated my camp?!” Ivar all but growled out.

Hvitserk smiled nodding his head once. He was calm which was a new look for him. Ivar was about to stand up with the help of his crutch but Hvitserk stood up and held his shoulder down.

“I’ll have your wife regardless of the decision you make. You’ve taken all that I love. Now I’ll take someone you love. You’re going to take me to her Ivar. I want you to tell her my terms.” Hvitserk lowered himself closer so Ivar could hear every word he was about to say. “I want you there when your wife gives herself to me willingly. I want you to watch as I fuck her from behind. I know how you get off just by watching.”

Hvitserk stood up straight then patted his brother’s shoulder before walking off.

Tagged: @belovedcherry​ @lordsexmachine​ @lol-haha-joke​ @mariaenchanted​ @ethereallysimple​ @bababasti​ @ir-abelas-telanadas​

[orchardisland]

━━   𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠

Let me tell you the story of one of our unfortunate residents who seems to be a SECRETARY TO THE MAYOR on the island. Fate has assigned this individual guidance from THE EMPEROR card. But they needn’t worry, their secrets are safe with me.

DOB: september 18th, 1994 DEFINING TRAITS: punctual, suave, steadfast, extreme, opportunistic, inhibited RESEMBLES: bts jung hoseok (jhope)

contains: physical abuse

YOU ARE PRESENTED WITH A PRISTINE DECK OF TAROT CARDS. TAKE YOUR PICK.

— choose for me,

"no."

sumyeong isn't a strong believer when it comes to things like this. pick your fate. choose your destiny. no... not after all the hard work he had put into his life, studying to become a lawyer. not just so he could find a good job but to put people away who deserved to be punished for the crimes they committed.

not after he had poured everything in him to achieve the one dream he had after the changes in the household he grew up in. losing his mother. gaining a 'new' mother. getting a younger sister.

and for some reason, things just never fell into place. his new mother wasn't very fond of him. but he was able to escape that unwanted attention when she finally became pregnant. with another younger sister for sumyeong.

he truly didn't mind it. and when haesu came along, he really did dote on her like everyone else in the family. maybe a bit too much. because when it came down to it and haesu making decisions that would upturn her entire life... he was the one who was blamed for her actions.

and in the end, he was the one to pick up the pieces that she didn't want. that no one wanted. and he was the one who chose to leave.

and maybe it was then, that the world finally opened his eyes. made him understand why nakyung had left all those years ago too without as much of a word about why or where.

he only understood when she reached out to him, telling him to go to gwasuwon. to start over. that it was the perfect place to do so considering everything that had happened with a reassurance that she would be there to help him in any way he needed now that he had little siyang to take care of.

so he says 'no' when he's told to pick a card from the pristine deck of cards. puts his hand on top of it and pushes it away grimly. because the life that he was going to lead now, was no longer for him. it was for siyang. every step he had taken. every move he had made. everything he had done since he gave her a name and left busan was all for siyang.

there was no more, 'picking' his fate or 'choosing' his destiny.

it was about building a life. the best life, that he could for siyang so that she would never have to go through the pains he and his siblings had gone through. from family betrayal to losing dreams to true loneliness.

THE CARD FLUTTERS TO YOUR FEET. WHO WERE YOU BEFORE THIS STORY BEGAN?

we all fall down

“leave me alone!“

a loud shout, seeping into the floor of the small apartment. reverberating through the mess decorating the ground. a broken plate. piles of loose paper. a cup knocked over with its contents soaking into the thin carpet.

"you should have thought about that before you went around whoring yourself to anyone who was willing to sleep with you.”

“i am not a whore! i didn’t go sleeping around with anyone!”

sumyeong can hear all these things from down the hallway before he even gets to his front door, propped open as if someone had intruded unexpectedly. his mother’s shrill voice against haesu’s agitated one.

“do you think that makes a difference now? where did that bastard you call a boyfriend run to after you told him you were pregnant? huh? where is he!”

“don’t you dare call him a bastard!”

“well where is he then! you don’t want the child but you can’t get rid of it haesu, what in the world are you going to do? did you even think before you opened up your legs?”

sumyeong freezes with his hand hovering above the door handle. his ears fill with the sound of rushing blood as he realizes exactly what’s happening. and he swears, only a second passes when he calmly makes his way into his apartment, silently assessing the area when—

the sound of a hard slap echoes throughout the room.

his head is reeling from the hit. he sees stars float across the room and the ringing in his ears seems to bleed for a second too long before he pulls himself back together.

“this is all your fault. i told you. i told you to look after your younger sister! look at her now!”

“i told you to stop letting her hang out with that thug of a boyfriend of hers and now she’s pregnant. sumyeong, i only asked one thing from you.”

his eyes lift slowly, not to the woman that stands in front of him. the one he called mother. the one who blamed him for something that wasn’t his fault.

no, they go to his sister who stands to the side with tears in the corners of her eyes.

and for a moment, he thinks. why?

why was he being blamed for the outcome of haesu’s decisions. for her actions… that she chose to make as a growing young adult who knew the consequences if something did go wrong.

and his eyes fill with red—

until he really looks into her eyes and sees the utter fear in them. fear of their mother in that moment. fear of her future. fear for a child she didn’t want.

and everything. the anger. the shock. the disappointment. it all fades away and only a sense of quiet is left inside his thrumming heart.

“haesu, it’s going to be okay.”

a brand new day

a small bundle in his arms. a few boxes filled with his belongings. and himself.

that’s all he takes aboard the ship that takes him across the waters to the island of gwasuwon.

it’s all he needs to start a new life.

leaving behind his father. his mother. and his dear sister. his dreams.

once the papers had gone through, he left without as much of a word. leaving behind nothing of the slightest to give them hints on where he had left for, just as nakyung had years ago. something he knew would sting his mother.

leaving behind a life he would never be able to return to. the life he would never be able to build for himself with the dreams he had.

but it would be alright.

he hoped.

if he had nothing. it would be okay.

but he had han siyang.

and that meant, things would be more than okay.

gwasuwon had plenty of opportunities and nakyung made sure to list every single one that sumyeong could take on. yet in the end, the one that seemed most unfitting became the one sumyeong settled for.

it was tiring work, exhausting his limbs and muscles everyday for the construction that needed to be done on the island. whether it was town upgrades or repairs, sumyeong took on the job.

it was quick money and a lot with the amount of work that needed to be done.

and he was able to rest easy knowing that siyang had nakyung to take care of her at the daycare from early morning, until late at night when sumyeong would finally make his way home. more tired out of his mind than he every had in his entire life.

parts of him guilty, for not being ecstatic to come home to an infant that needed extreme care and attention after a grueling day of work. part of him unsure if whether to pity himself or to pity siyang. until his mind would go numb, and he would hold her in his arms waiting for her to fall sound asleep before he would allow himself the luxury of rest to overcome his own fatigued body.

it was like that, day after day, month after month... toiling away until the seasons began changing and siyang began growing.

and maybe, the closest thing to fate or luck, or whatever it be that sumyeong would believe it be, finally came a long year after.

"the mayor! his secretary is returning to seoul and he needs a new one immediately. you should apply sumyeong. i can ask around to get a word or two in for you."

and like nakyung had promised to be there for him, sumyeong was able to find a new job. one less physically taxing and one that allowed him more time with siyang. something he quickly found himself appreciating and being happy with after witnessing the way she would begin to smile so fully each time he spent more and more time with her.

three years later and sumyeong has never been as steady with his life. balancing a good job, running a good house routine, and being the best parent he possibly could for siyang. it wasn't to say everything was perfect, but he had finally understood what it meant to be happy with the life he was leading.

[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

damn peko okay i see you... could i get some dry humping with nagito?👀👀👀👀👀

If it’s your order, master. I live to serve. I had a lot of fun with the set up of this. I love creating little scenarios around the smut lol.

Contains: Explicit Sexual Content, Post-SDR2, Future Foundation Reader, Fem Reader, No Pronouns Used

It should be illegal how good Komaeda looks in his Future Foundation uniform. The way the dress pants cling to his narrow hips. The way the blazer accentuates his already broad shoulders. Whatever demon possessed him to pull his soft white hair up into a high ponytail should be slain, if only to stop the way your palms are sweating every second you look at him. 

Presently, he’s standing tall, legs shoulder width apart as he practices firing his new hacking gun. Face awash in blue light as he unloads five break shots into the target on the other side of the room. You can see the singe marks, all bullseyes or complete misses, nothing in between. The determined set of his jaw, the intensity in his eyes, the way his chest heaves. You are standing in the corner of the room, resisting the urge to rub your thighs together just from watching him. 

“You’re doing well, Komaeda-san!” You call out, disappointed at the way your voice noticeably wavers. 

He turns to face you, slinging the gun over his shoulder, “That is debatable, but i am grateful for your attempts to comfort me.” he smiles at you, and it might just be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, “It isn’t necessary, but it is very kind of you.”

“We can stop for the day if you would like, we’re already late for lunch.”

“Ah.” he says, “I am quite hungry” 

You motion for him to put the gun away and follow you out of the training room. He dutifully follows behind, maintaining an even pace with you as the two of you head to the dining hall. You glance over at him, choking on any words you might have said when you realise how nicely the dim overhead lighting catches in his pale eyelashes. You swallow. It must have been a joke by your superior to assign you as Komaeda’s training partner. You were not subtle in your interest in him, outright talking to coworkers about how desperately you wanted to pull one of his sharp hip bones into your mouth and suck. 

He has his hands in the pockets of his dress pants, tucking the front of his blazer behind his wrists, your eyes are drawn to the snug fit of those pants. Specifically the way the fabric pulls taught over his crotch. You can hear the telltale thump of your heart in your ears, your bones feel like they might melt with the intensity of your feelings at this moment. All you can think about, is what terrible, awful, fireable offences you could commit right now. Right in this hallway. 

“Is everything alright?” Komaeda asks, pulling you from your semi trance. He’s stopped walking now, and the two of you are standing just by the door of an empty conference room. He’s a lot taller than you, a fact you try very hard not to focus on.

“Oh, I’m fine. Just a little distracted.”

“Ah.” Komaeda says, the sound laced with knowing. His eyes hooded and lips quirked up in a very subtle smile, “You have been a very diligent trainer,” he breathes, head inclined just a little bit to the side, “Anything i can do to repay you would make me very happy. If you would even accept repayment from such common garbage as myself.” 

When he says anything...does he really mean anything? You can feel your stomach turning, “No need to repay me, Komaeda-san. I’m just doing my job.”

“If you are turning down my offer due to genuine disgust I fully understand.” He says, laughing breathily, “However. If you are turning it down due to a concern for my well being, or a respect for me as a person. Know that is unnecessary.” his voice has dropped down an octave, and you have the distinct feeling that he is toying with you, “I offer myself to you fully, if you are willing to accept.”

Your eyes can't help but flit from Komaeda, to the door of the vacant conference room, and back again. The knowledge that it’s  only 1:15, and that the room will be empty until 2:30 is unbearable. Irresistible. 

“What i feel for you…” your mouth is dry, your hands are shaking, “Is the exact opposite of disgust.”

He chuckles, hiding his mouth with a palm, “How unfortunate for you.” his hand drops to reveal a smile that can only be described as hungry, “but how very fortunate for me.”

Any resilience you had snaps. You’re barely even conscious as your hand wraps around Komaeda’s wrist and you tug him into the conference room, slamming the door shut by shoving him up against it as you crush your lips together. He moans audibly, thin arms coming around you tight. You bury your fingers in the mess of his white hair, tangling through the delicate strands, you notice he chokes on a moan when you tug a little too hard. The sound spurs you on. 

“You like when I pull your hair, pretty boy?”

He whimpers, opening his lips under yours and gently licking into your mouth. His tongue feels like heaven. Twisting and tangling with yours before breaking away to trace your upper row of teeth. You bite down tentatively, and a bolt of warmth shoots down to your sex when you hear him cry out. It isn't a pained noise, you can tell he liked it. It’s even more obvious how much he liked it when his hips grind up against yours, you gasp at the feeling, he’s completely hard in his pants and while you desperately want to pull him out and have your way with him. That might be just a little too daring. What you do instead, is not that much better.

“Can you lie down for me?” You whisper in his ear, one hand buried in his hair, the other on his cheek, tracing his lips with your thumb. You squeak when he takes your thumb into his mouth, sucking gently on your skin and swirling his tongue around. You can't help slipping another two fingers in. He was practically begging for it, what were you supposed to do? His big green eyes stare down at you, cloudy with desire as you slowly thrust your fingers in and out of his mouth. Watching drool pooling in the corners of lips while he keens and moans around your digits. 

Without ever pulling your fingers from his mouth, you guide him away from the door and slowly encourage him to drop down onto the floor with you. The little hitch in his breath when you straddle his narrow hips is to die for, “you’re doing so good, sweetheart.” you coo at him, running a hand through his soft hair, he closes his eyes, relishing in the feeling as he sucks hard on your fingers. You smirk, and grind up against his hard cock. Even with your fingers in his mouth, his moan is shockingly loud. 

When you press down against him again, his hips buck upward to meet yours. Desperate to reciprocate the delicious friction, licking, sucking, drooling and moaning around your fingers as you drag your hips across him over and over. A moan cutting loose from your lips as his hardness bumps up against your clit, you can feel yourself getting wet through your panties and right through your tight uniform pants. It’s disgusting, it's sweaty, and it's desperate. Komaeda is writhing underneath you, pushing himself up off the ground with his heels, doing anything and everything to grind his cock harder against you, his hair has long escaped the confines of his ponytail and is spread out behind him in a tangled white halo. 

“You’re so beautiful, Komaeda-san…” you purr, admiring the blush coating his cheeks like rouge atop porcelain, drool escaping the corners of his mouth and running down his chin. He makes a pleased noise and bites gently down on your fingers, bringing up his hands and gripping tight on your hips, pushing you down harder onto his throbbing cock and letting out a strangled sob as your hips pick up the pace. You’re both going to cum in your pants. On the conference room floor. It’s reprehensible, despicable, and so fucking hot. You must be ruining the front of Komaeda’s pants, there's no way your wetness hasn’t seeped the whole way through, and you can't help imagining the state of his cock. Is it red? Is dripping with pre-cum? You’re almost furious that you don't get to see.

“I...I’m...close…” Komaeda slurs around your fingers. Whimpering and moaning, cock twitching so furiously in his pants that you can feel it. You hiss at the sensation of his wriggling hips beneath you, finally pulling your fingers out from his mouth so you can replace them with your tongue. You’re close too, the warmth in your stomach is almost boiling, it feels like you’re going to overflow. His tongue tangles and curls against yours, exploring every crevice of your mouth as he continues rutting up against you, making adorable little noises of exertion. 

You’re hot all over, it feels like you’re going to melt if you hold on any longer. Hips moving so quickly that your abdominal muscles are starting to burn. You’re getting close to the edge and you can feel yourself about to tip over, “Cum for me, baby.” you pant into Komaeda’s ear, opening your mouth wide and biting down hard on the side of his neck. Anything to silence the moan you can feel racing up your throat. Bad idea. You did not anticipate how much Komaeda would like being bitten. The noise that he makes is closer to a shriek than anything else, his hips bucking up into you with an unbridled desperation as he finally heaves a shaky breath and cums, hard. You can feel it through the front of his pants, moaning and writhing as white explodes behind your eyes, sucking harder and harder on Komaeda’s throat as you finally topple over the threshold. Hips gyrating slower as you tentatively come back down, nuzzling your face in Komaeda’s shoulder, overcome with both exhaustion and embarrassment. 

Your pants are soaked. And so are his. 

When you finally manage to push yourself up off him with your wobbly arms, you cup a hand over your mouth in shock at the state of his neck.

“Is something wrong?” He asks, he doesn’t seem concerned, his expression is positively giddy.

The side of his throat is marked red and purple from your sucking and biting. One particularly big bite even has visible teeth marks, like you were trying to take a chunk out of him. You can’t deny you feel a little egotistical looking at it, at the way you have thoroughly ruined him. 

“I think I was a little too rough with you…” you say nervously

Komaeda chuckles, “hardly.” 

“Your uh—“ you gesture to his throat, “—everyone is going to see.” 

“Ah, I see.” Komaeda smiles, but it doesn’t look happy, “I can make up some sort of lie if you are concerned that people will assume we are involved.”

“Oh! That’s not it at all! I’m just worried that we’re going to get in trouble...for doing this at work.” You laugh to yourself, “plus, I figured you would be a lot more embarrassed about it.” 

“Embarrassed, why?” He brings up a hand and gently touches the teeth marks on his throat, “The fact that you wanted to claim someone like me as your own—“ he visibly shudders, a whiny noise escaping his mouth, “it is exhilarating.”

You swallow, “Don’t say things like that! I...I just came, Komaeda-san…give me a few hours to chill, jeez.” 

“The storage closet on the third floor is pretty roomy, if you’re free after lunch.”

You bark a laugh and cross your arms, “you’re incorrigible. But yes, I will see you there.”

[c-is-for-circinate]

do you have a favorite god to get boons from in hades? (mines is dionysus, he always manages to give me good boons like the bestie he is)

Dionysus is a super chill bro and I support you :)  He is a ton of fun to run into, and status effects are always clutch.  Some of his higher-level boons are awesome, too.  (Looking at you, Dionysus/Zeus duo boon that can just wipe out whole swathes of the field with a Festive Fog lightning storm.)  Also, he recently proposed we prank Orpheus together, and I died laughing.  (My friend​, who is not playing the game but is hearing me ramble about it A LOT on discord, looked up Zagreus on Wikipedia where I dare not yet tread for fear of spoilers several days ago, and they mentioned the whole “sometimes mythical Zagreus is conflated with Dionysus!  Have you met Dionysus yet?  Are you SURE you’re not also Dionysus?” a few times before that happened.  I am so proud of my booze bro for making that happen.)

Honorable mention also goes to Aphrodite, who comes with some really great status effects (I think she might have my favorite Aid, and that Aphrodite/Zeus duo boon that charges it up super fast makes it incredibly useful, just a constant spam of charm spells) and really fun interactions.  She was never my favorite Olympian as a kid (yes, of course I was a Greek myth kid, what do you take me for), but I appreciate how much she is exactly what she appears to be in this game, you know?  She’s a little shallow but she’s not ashamed of herself for it.  She’s free with affection and happy to share.  We all know she’s the kind of lady who loves watching some drama go down, and she is not above starting some shit, but she’s not actually making any pretenses about that and I appreciate that on her.  I legit believe she’s trying to help me get out of Hades because she thinks it’s just awful that anybody who counts as a real person should be stuck down there in that dark awful place (mortals don’t count as real people but, y’know, it’s the Greek gods, that’s sort of a given).  And, ok, maybe I have a little extra affection for any version of Aphrodite who’s not just “ooh, she’s a slutty mean shallow girl who likes to manipulate everybody to stroke her own ego, we’re so ~edgy~ for thinking she’s awful”.  They did a good job making an Aphrodite I can support, and I am glad for that.

Poseidon probably has the boons with my favorite effects (tidal dash is great and I love it), and Zeus, Athena, and Ares all have specific boons that I really enjoy in certain circumstances.  Favorite character, though, hands down, is ABSOLUTELY Artemis.

Some of this is definitely pre-existing bias--I was always somewhere between Artemis and Athena for favorite deity back during my time as a Greek myth kid, although I like her way more than Athena here.  Most of it is just that the way she’s written is so great.  She’s awkward!  She leaves me awkward voicemails because she doesn’t know what to say!  She’s not super comfortable around all of her loud, competitive, extroverted relatives with all their enormous personalities and equally enormous egos.  She is so obviously the sort of person who doesn’t entirely know what to do with herself when she doesn’t have a job to do, and, really, the world just makes so much more sense when she’s out in the woods on a hunt by herself taking things seriously and getting her work done.  She is explicitly hanging out with her family right now for the express purpose of working together to save me, and you can hear in her voice how it’s making her a little tense having them around all the time but she’s doing it anyway because this is important.  Her duo boon dialogue with Zeus!  Dad acting all indulgent about his odd daughter who won’t do the sensible thing and take a husband or at least a lover, for Olympus’s sake, and Artemis who is like, ‘really, you really don’t get why I would rather be out in the woods than committing myself to dealing with the sort of guys we have around our family’.  (The mention of preferring to be alone or with her nymph friends has big ace/lesbian crossover energy, and as a vaguely-aceish vaguely-lesbianish queer lady I am all about it.)  And yet she still invites us to come hunt with her once we get out of the Underworld up to Olympus.  Her safe alone space, away from her overwhelming family, and she’s willing to welcome Zagreus into it after she helps him get away from his family. 

The tricky thing about Artemis is that nearly all of her boons are crit-related, which officially makes them the boon set I am usually least interested in.  Part of this is absolutely math fallacies because math brain works very very hard at my actual job and does not want to come out and play during video game time, so it rebels against actually sitting down and calculating what percentage crit rate might do more good with my particular playstyle with various weapons than simply a flat damage increase from another boon.  Part of it’s the fact that I can see the impact of other boons, but not the increased critrate (because everything is always going much too fast to notice a single individual crit when it happens).  Part of it’s just how I tend to react to buffs and builds: law of large numbers aside, a flat bonus/effect applied to every single hit is always going to be more consistent and reliable than the crapshoot of a crit chance, and coming from a turn-based combat background, consistent and reliable is still a (possibly undeserving) priority to my game-strategy brain.

On the other hand, Artemis also has one of my favorite boons in the entire game in Support Fire--you know, the boon that fires off a bonus target-seeking arrow every single time you hit an enemy with your weapon in any way, or cast, even if you don’t hit anything.  It’s pretty good with sword/shield/spear.  It’s great with the fists, where you’re going to be multi-hitting anyway, and absolutely essential with the railgun if you’re me and can barely use the railgun.  Exit Wounds, where enemies take damage when they drop the cast, is also really great.  Both of those are boons with prereqs, so I’ll often hope for an Artemis boon early in the game (usually her cast boon or that boon that gives you a low crit chance on all damage, because that one doesn’t preclude putting other specific strike/flourish/dash boons on) to try and set myself up to get them later.  It tends to work pretty well, plus then I get to hang out with Artemis more, and that is always a winner.

(Yep, I sure did write a six-paragraph response to a two-line ask.  For everyone who’s followed me in the past couple of weeks--you MUST be aware by now that this is how I do.  You MUST have figured out what you signed up for.  I am not sorry.  (I’m a little sorry.))

[jetaime-jespere]

Prompt 49/51/53

49. Go on, tell me. Tell me you don’t love me. / 51. Those things you said yesterday.. did you really mean them? / 53. I love you and I am terrified.

This is it, he thinks as she hastily wrings the water from her hair with a towel and a determined flick of her wrist. There’s no talking her out of it, no way he can change her mind.

 He’s seen that same calculated detachment in her eyes before, a year ago in the parking lot of another hotel, the night everything changed. She’s filing this away, never to be spoken of again, and in a few weeks, he’ll find himself wondering if any of this ever happened at all. Aaron shouldn’t be fucking surprised. Yet he finds himself standing in the middle of the hotel room that now feels too small for them both, helplessly staring at the scene playing out before him.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asks, not sure if he wants to hear her answer.

“Can you just … throw those clothes into my suitcase?” Emily gestures to a pile in the corner, clearly left there from her arrival only hours before. “My flight is in a few hours.”

He nods slowly. Not exactly what he meant, but of course she already knows that.

She does a once over of the room, crouching gracefully to sweep underneath the bed. When she stands again, her lacy strapless bra dangling from her fingertips. “Wonder where the other half of that is,” Emily says with a laugh he doesn’t find funny at all. “If you find them … “ she adds, glancing around with a shrug. “Keep them, I guess? A souvenir, if you will.” It’s how she smirks with the slightest bit of amusement that makes something inside of him snap.

“You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re going to disappear again. Like last time? How many times will you fucking disappear, Emily?” He takes two heavy-footed steps toward her but stops before he gets too close. He’s angry now, the sparks emitting from him in the heavy silence. She flinches, eyes flicking warily, a shaky exhale of breath falling from her lips.

“How dare you?” She hisses, her eyes holding his with a fierceness she shouldn’t have to bear. “How dare you even begin to question what I’ve done? You of all people should know.” Her anger is mixed with something else - the unmistakable shadow of remembrance, a trace of shame. “That was low.”  

“I’m sorry.” He says firmly, holding up both hands in a truce, angling his body between hers and the door. “That was out of line.”

The anger in her face dissipates, but the rest remains. “You know I can’t stay here, Aaron.” There’s a resigned sadness in her voice as she comes to stand in front of him, rising slightly on tiptoe to rest her hands on his bare shoulders. “You knew from the minute you sat down next to me last night.”

She’s right, and his chest aches at the memory he’ll now hold along with the rest of what he keeps of her in his heart. “It was worth a shot, wasn’t it?” He caresses her cheek with rough fingertips, wanting to commit the feeling of her skin to his memory too. He’ll never have enough memories of her.

“Of course it was.” Emily pecks his lips with her own, ducking away before he can close his arms around her. One foot gets tangled in her dress, unceremoniously deposited on the floor, and she nearly trips over her own two feet in the heap. “Fucking thing,” Emily mutters as she rights herself less than gracefully, ignoring it altogether. She seems so unbothered by all of this now- as if in only a few hours time she’ll be gone again, likely forever. It feels so final, a cruel joke that she was even here at all.

“What should I do with your dress?” Aaron bends down to pick it up, holding the endless folds of blue silk in helpless hands. Was it only a few hours ago he took it off of her? It already seems so much longer.

Emily shrugs on her way into the bathroom, as if she’s already forgotten. “Donate it?” It’s her way of putting walls up, shutting him out and closing doors. “I’ll probably never wear it again.”

The hum of the hair dryer in the bathroom is like a siren, a warning bell if you will. He takes a deep breath, one that catches in his throat. It’s now, he tells himself. Or never.

“I’ve always thought of what would happen if …” he begins, his words heavy in the air. “If we saw each other after all this time.” Aaron studies the luggage tag on her suitcase, running a finger over the neatly printed letters and numbers. It feels like a breach of her trust to write it down or commit to memory for safekeeping, just in case one day. It’s something he was never supposed to see in the first place. Instead he squeezes his eyes shut, willing himself to forget what happened in this damn hotel room. It’s an attempt to accept that these are their final moments, as unfair as they are. “Tomorrow it’ll be like it never happened at all. Jack has a soccer game, you know,” he adds for good measure. He imagines her smiling into the mirror at the mention of his son. “I used to think I could just … call you. Beg you to come back. To me. To us. That you would, if I just …  But I was wrong. I’m sorry, Emily. For what happened. My God, I’m so sorry.”

But no apology can ever be enough to make it all go away.

Aaron picks up the pile of clothes she asked him to, presses her sweater to his nose. For a brief moment, he contemplates tucking it in his jacket and taking it with him, because it smells like her, and that scent is becoming more distant with every passing day. Tears prick behind his eyes like tiny needles. “Everyone … no one mentions you anymore. They think they shouldn’t … that it will make things worse. But god damn it, Emily, not hearing about you is what I can’t live with. I like remembering the good times.” He swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, a few tears staining his skin. “I love you.” And then he holds the damn sweater to his face again; he breathes it in one last time before tucking it into her suitcase with a breath that feels like the piercing of a knife. “I love you,” he adds once more, seconds before the numbing sound of the dryer ceases.

“Were you saying something?” Emily asks crisply, suddenly appearing from the bathroom, her hair perfectly dry and shiny, almost bouncy on her shoulders. “I couldn’t hear you over the noise. it’s … loud ... you know.” She avoids looking directly at him, yet he can see the glassy sheen of tears in her eyes.

Aaron takes a chance. “Those things you said yesterday.. did you really mean them?”

She stops in the middle of the room, twisting the belt of the fluffy robe in her hands. “I said a lot of things yesterday, Aaron,” Emily says quietly, in a tone that tells him she knows exactly what he means. “We both did.”

“So you lied to me then.”

“I didn’t lie.” Emily folds her arms over her chest with a tired sigh. “I’ve never lied to you.” They’ve been here before, she thinks. It didn’t end well then, it won’t now.

“Go on, then. Tell me. Tell me you don’t love me.”

Her spine stiffens; her hands clench into fists. “Please stop, Aaron.” A single tear rolls down her face, then another. “Please don’t … don’t do this. I can’t. Let’s just … let bygones be bygones and move on from here.” Separately, she thinks.

Never, he thinks. “Admit it,” Aaron says, closing the gap between them, wrapping his hands around her upper arms. “Or look me in the eyes and tell me the fucking truth.”

She pointedly looks away, unable to meet his gaze. “How can I possibly say it now? After … everything that happened in -”

“What happened there doesn’t matter,” Aaron assures her when she finally looks at him, calm and focused, his touch gentle and his eyes assuring. “When are you going to forgive yourself for this?”

“It matters,” she reminds him, because it never won’t matter. “It changed everything. This,” Emily looks around, searching for something she doesn’t quite find. “This isn’t where I belong anymore.”

“This is where you’ve always belonged. What happened isn’t going to change that. You’ve blamed yourself for too long.” Aaron gives her a gentle shake, just enough to know she’s listening. Her eyes are wide, fully focused on his, lower lip trembling as she blinks back tears. “I love you,” he reminds her, shifting his grip on her arms just enough that he can wrap her into his own. “Please don’t go.”

“I love you too, and I’m terrified,” she admits, perhaps the most honest she’s been all evening. “Of being here. Of not being here. No matter what choice I make, it always feels like the wrong one.”

“Me too,” he whispers back with a nervous smile, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs. It doesn’t make much of a difference. They still fall anyway, and when he leans in to kiss her, the ones on his cheeks blend with hers. “But please … don’t go. Not like this.”

It’s a plea, and when she smooths her hand down his face, a sad smile cracking across her lips, Aaron closes his eyes and prays.

[seeds-and-sins]

The Other Side - Part One

Pairing: Jacob Seed x Reader, Eli Palmer x Reader

Rating: M (Language, Violence, Sexual Situations, Non-Consensual Interactions, Torture)

Description: You are the head of one of Eli's teams, and his sweetheart, then Jacob captures you.

- Part Two

- Part Three

- Final Part

War is never and will never be an easy road, especially when you are emotionally involved with the persons you fight beside. Brothers, sisters, friends, people you would do anything for, even die. That was the very case here, which made the decision of joining the Whitetail milita a double edged sword. On one end, you wanted to be near your friends so that you could protect them, but on the other end, being near them risked the possibility of failing them. You knew that failure, two tours in Iraq taught you about regret lived when someone you cared for died in the line of fire.

    So, when Eli asked you to join his crew, you were hesitant at first. You knew about the fiasco that had been going on with the cult, you would be lying if you said you didn't have to fend off the cult members from time to time. You promised yourself you'd never give into to violence ever again, and you didn't. You willed yourself to stand free, away from those harmful thoughts and memories, away from alcohol and flashbacks. Eli's ask stood against everything you had worked towards, the progress you had made since returning from overseas about seven years back. He knew that, the both of you had surely talked about it across a campfire once before. You could see it in his eyes, the hint of guilt, the desperation of having you beside him. The two of you had been more than acquaintances, more than friends after his divorce, but less than partners. There was certainly always something lingering there. That was what made you say 'yes', that was what made you hurl yourself back into the pool of demons you had ridded yourself of. Him.

   Three months in, after being a respective member of his main alpha team, you both made it official. This only seemed to make you more cautious about missions, about his safety, about the safety of the militia. It went both ways truly, but you never considered his feelings towards the matter as much as your own. This often led to arguments, loud shouting matches that never ended with a clear winner. The other militia members steered clear, sipped from their beer, conducted their surveillance ops, whatever kept them away from getting in between the two of you. One such argument took it to the next level, bordering damn near abusive at some point.

"I said, no! That's final!"

"Well, whatever you say I am still not going to listen to you! You aren't going out there!" In the past few weeks, Jacob had been getting more aggressive with his strategies, so much so, that it was starting to become too dangerous for Eli to leave the Den. Yet, for about a month Eli and you had developed a plan to cut off Jacob's weapons supplies. Such a convoy that took a path from John's region through the mountains and around to the Veteran's Center. It was a very complex, but heavily calculated plan, and you knew Eli was itching to be a part of it. Better you than him though.

"I'm in charge of this operation! Not you!"

"My point exactly, do you really think its a good idea to go out on a really important mission when Jacob wants your head on a silver platter?"

"The risks are the same now as they were then."

"Don't be ridiculous, Eli! You mean something to this cause!" You stepped around the map table and closed in on him, hands balled into fists, sweat on your brow.

"And you mean something to me." He muttered under his breath, those light brown pools not leaving your own, the tension in your shoulders dropped and you sighed. Almost instantly, the few standing members in the room began to clear out, even Tammy, who was Eli's strongest lieutenant left the room. You took a deep breath, stepped even closer to him, his head tilted down as he dropped his gaze.

"We knew what we were getting into when this started, El."

"If it was any other mission, I wouldn't mind, but this one is big." He finally raised his gaze, you grabbed his cheek and formed a sad smile on your lips, thumbs caressing gently at the scratchy skin above his beard.

"That's why I must go. I am the only one who knows this plan inside out and you are too valuable to lose."

"I hate it when you do this, (Y/N)."

"Do what?" He gripped your wrists with a sigh.

"Make it seem like I don't worry about losing you either." His eyes were like dark pools into another universe, and you wished for a moment that you could dive into them and be lost forever.

....

Thud!

     The metal bowl hit the ground, slop spitting out from its edges and pulling its weight to sit on its side.

"There ya' go, sinner. Same as yesterday's." The peggie grunted, rot shining in his steely grin as he then trotted away from the cage, leaving you to your devices. You sighed, feeling the slop become more and more appetizing each day was starting to become a concern. No matter how hard you tried not to eat, there was no denying the hunger that consumed you. In comparison to those locked in the cages surrounding you, while they starved and screamed for your meals, the food was a luxury. Yet, you could not give Jacob the benefit of the doubt.

     You eyed the tasteless grub, blotchy and red, with chunks of unknown substances stirred into its grime. It blended well with the dirt, that had turned soggy and muddy as the rain came and went. You prayed that that same rain would grace you, where it provided some shroud of comfort in this nothingless.

You committed to timing the guards on duty, understanding the cycles of prisoners as they underwent the seven days of hell that Jacob would put them through. You hadn't yet quite figured out how to get out of the cage itself, being so in the open, with an overall lack of materials, made the process difficult. It didn't help that as they days went by, one, two, three days so far, your thoughts had become more difficult to manage. Sleep was unattainable with the screams and the grime and the consistent playing of 'Only You' at the exact time every day.

   Jacob would stop by at his conveinience, you hadn't been here long enough to see him make a habit of it. He would pass through while making critiques on the work his men had been doing. He'd stop and stare for a moment, meet your solid glare with his own and then continue on. It had become no question that he knew who you were and your significance. You hoped that Eli wouldn't break under the threats you were certain that Jacob had been pushing on him. Jacob had yet to conduct any torture on you. Upon first meeting him, it wasn't difficult to distinguish who he was among the fleet of peggie scum that stood around him.

    The mission was obviously a failure, an ambush occurred, one of the Whitetails had been a traitor. You were so close to escaping before a peggie had managed to trail you down to the Henbane, knocking you unconscious. You were dragged into the prison-like walls of the veterans center, awakened by the shrill of terror echoing from the cages and the raw barks of crazed wolves. It was then that Jacob revealed himself to you. He said so little, but with his eyes you could see something stirring.

"Put her in one of the cages, I will deal with her later."

"Yes, sir." He never quite dealt with you though, although you wondered many times if he ever would. It didn't matter how. You would never speak a word to him, your love for Eli was too unconditional and strong and fierce. His authority resonated with you and you made note of it as one of Jacob's defining characteristics. He was like Eli's mirror, they would be friends if it was any other universe. For this, everytime that Jacob passed through, you conduct a thorough analysis. You would go back to Eli with all the information he would need. Not only on the compound, but on the enemy.

"Not hungry again I see?" You lifted your gaze from the bowl, so lost in your thoughts. You hadn't noticed that Jacob was coming around for his daily rounds. You hid your surprise at the fact that he was actually speaking to you today. "Is the food not to your liking?" His voice was so even, but strained, with his every breath, she could see his struggle. On the surface he was a strong man, inside he had his illnesses hidden. "I hope you don't mistake my kindness for weakness..." One of his men swiftly hurled the metal door open, grabbing the bowl and scooping its messy contents back in. "If you can't respect such kindness, then you don't deserve it." The peggie pulled away and returned the door to its locked and sturdy position. It was silent, but Jacob had remained posted at the bars of the cage, arms crossed, eyes focused. "I have decided what to do with you, wouldn't you like to know?" Those last few words were almost mocking you and taunting your existence. You could play games to, if that was what Jacob wanted from you for the time being.

"Kind of disappointed you didn't know to begin with..." You snorted and shook your head. "I thought you'd at least be somewhat prepared for this kind of situation."

"Oh, you aren't all that special. Maybe this cage has made you a bit cocky."

"Its not hard, especially when you're the person I have to look at all day." Jacob kept that composed expression, but you could tell the banter was getting to him. You felt you hadn't moved in days, but the effort to stand was well worth it. You grunted as you struggled to bring yourself to your feet, legs shaking slightly under you weight, and your head spun as you stepped forward. "Now, you might as well kill me, Seed. I am not saying a word." You inhaled sharply as you reached out for the bar not to far in front of Jacob, giving him your best smile.

"I already know everything I need to. The question is whether you are worth it or not." You smiled even further, feeling like you had won. For Eli. You knew Eli wouldn't dare risk the entirety of this militia and this operation and idea, for you. No matter how much love was worth, it wasn't worth hundreds of lives and the loss of freedom. The both of you had had this discussion before, however briefly and however painful it was to admit. The risks were a burden that hovered over the relationships, but the payoff always was worth the risks.

"I can promise you I am not. Eli knows the drill and I know my mission. I am better off dead than alive."

"Oh, you must be mistaken..." Your eyebrows furrowed and you couldn't help but swallow, your throat so dry that the sting lingered for a brief moment. Jacob's lips quirked up slightly and he stepped closer to the cage, as cool and as in authority as he was when you met him. Something was wrong. "Eli doesn't know I have you, and he never will." Your lips parted, the confusion deepened, further into your soul. "In fact, he thinks I've killed you already, isn't that somethin'?" You shook your head vigorously, not quite understanding-

"But then why am I here?! Why keep me alive?" You were the one that had become frantic, panicked, you lost your composure. Thoughts rustled through your head, all of which you couldn't control in this state, with this anxiety, and exhaustion, and hunger that coursed through you. Jacob shrugged, then so casually spun on his heel and started walking. "Wait! Stop!! I am talking to you!" You braced yourself against the bars, as tears streamed down you cheeks. Your greatest fear and you couldn't do anything about it. "Why?! Stop!" Jacob disappeared into a metal door of the veteran's center, its resounding slam emanated among the never ending chorus of screaming and crying from nearby cages.

You knew why: If Jacob couldn't get Eli to react with you alive, he would have to get Eli to react to you dead. And based on Jacob's smug glimmer, it was working.

Return to Prompts

[chemicalpink]

Power and Control ♡ Jung Hoseok

Pairing: Jung Hoseok x reader

Genre: smut, angsty

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Sugar baby themes, power dynamics outside the bedroom, unprotected sex 

Summary: Women and men we are the same but love will always be a game and I’m gonna make you fall.

A/N: Well this was a stubborn one. Like seriously took me a whole month to try and write Hoseok as a villan-y character and at the end... i kinda failed BUT I really liked this one. Thanks for waiting. I hope you are doing great with life aside from all that is going one. Take care. I hope you like this one! 

Hoseok wouldn’t dare to try and label what you and he had as conventional, hell, he wouldn’t even dare to try and label himself as conventional, quite the contrary, because really, what’s a broke college-graduate-to-be got to do when a beautiful, empowered woman like yourself is seeking out a sugar baby deal? Say no? He would have to be stupid, plus, it’s not like you two are 10 or so years apart, you’re just 2 years older than him; plus, the deal was simple enough, apart from a disclosure contract and a few sessions of experimenting what you two liked with each other, it had been easy enough to fall into a routine.

Said routine meaning two to three sessions a week, some weekends together and playing as arm candy in most of your business parties, to which he would then find his semester’s tuition fee paid off, the latest limited-edition Supreme collection on his college dorm and one time, an all-included vacation to Europe for Christmas.

As time went on, nearly a year into it, it had become harder and harder to keep coming up with excuses as to how exactly he was being able to afford such a luxurious way of living without it being apparent that he had worked for it, especially when his closed group of friends were clearly struggling with it all (he might have asked you once to pay for Namjoon’s tuition fee after he got injured and couldn’t work for the month, the guy so in the clouds hadn’t even noticed the debt gone), and you know, Jung Hoseok isn’t a man with fragile masculinity, he knows exactly who he is, so even if for him being a sugar baby was really no big deal, the constant assumption of sugar babies having daddy/mommy issues sure was in the back of his mind every time he so much as the thought of sharing his lifestyle with his friends crossed his mind (cause he did not have daddy/mommy issues, thank you very much).

“Hobi, this just got here for you, I thought we had talked about your shopping addiction?”  Namjoon said as he passed him by on his way out the kitchen, coffee mug in hand, small package on the other, placing it on the kitchen counter before turning to look at him. Hoseok so much as fake laughed his worst laugh trying (and most probably failing) to not make his roommate any more suspicious. 

See, the greatest excuse for the time being all those months ago, when you had started gifting him stuff and sending it to his dorm, was saying that he ‘might have developed an addiction to online shopping’. He had talked it out with you, and you agreed to start delivering the gifts on your sessions. Hoseok hummed while taking the package from the counter “I just- I had this coupon and I had to use it” Namjoon wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore, he could clearly not have said a thing.

“Hey, hyungs would you mind if I-OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THAT BOX FROM THE NEWEST CHANEL COLLECTION???” Taehyung was… quite a melodramatic man when it came down to his expertise: fashion; which was one of the reasons Hoseok could kind of breathe around his own home. Namjoon didn’t know shit about fashion. But Taehyung would a hundred percent not fall into his ‘I got a coupon’ facade for a split second. His throat ached to instinctevely deny the younger’s claim but he knew it would do no good. Hoseok had once committed the deadly mistake of wearing one of the perfumes you had gifted him for his birthday to one of their nights out and that man right there, Kim Taehyung, had known from a sniff that he was wearing a thousand dollars Paco Rabanne Luxe Edition 1 million 18 carats. How exactly? He wouldn’t dare to ask. Taehyung knew his fashion. But the night didn’t seem to come to an end soon enough with his friend’s questioning. “Hoseok-hyung, how did you get access to one of the most exclusive collection previews of the world? I mean, I’m all for Gucci, but go off I guess”

So they are talking about it. May the gods have mercy on his unable to lie for his life soul.

“It was a gift from uh- my distant rich- auntie?” both Taehyung and Namjoon turned to look at him in the most sceptical way possible, but soon went back to their conversation.

He was going to have the talk with you later, for the second time. As if on cue, his phone dinged with a text from you, very out of character, if he may add, you two kept it on the line of the contract that bound the two of you, no texting, no calls, no nothing. He was busy with school most of the time and you were probably busier with your business stuff anyways.

From: Y/N [12:38]

You got my gift?

To: Y/N [12:38]

Yeah. Now apparently I have a rich distant auntie that is sending me expensive af gifts.

To: Y/N [12:39]

But then again, who am I to complain, right?

From: Y/N [12:43]

Great. Wear it tonight. 10 pm sharp. Long day.

Over the course of the months with you, he had learnt quite a few things about himself, first, he had an expensive taste, he just couldn’t afford it. Second, you knew his love language was being gifted things, and lord, did you take advantage of that to keep him wrapped around your finger. Third, he always felt as if you had come to know him inside and out so clearly, you had come to read him like an open book but he couldn’t say the same. You were a reserved woman, he knew that. With your position and all, it made sense. But he was just as cold to people he wasn’t close with, so he had to have some upper hand at it. Even after spending days on researching you he always came empty-handed. Sure, you two fucked, kissed, hanged out, but there was just this sense of chemistry lacking as if you two melted together when naked but once the fog cleared, it became a constant battle to gain control over the other. You had gifts to win him over. He had his charm and amazing bedroom skills to keep you grounded. You made it work. Kind of.

He arrived at your place a few minutes before 10, making himself a drink at the sky bar in the middle of your living room as he stared outside the floor-length window to watch Seoul’s night sky and lighted ground of the busy city, your heels clicking on the floor when you entered the space.

“Oh you got here early?” he turned around to watch you dispose of your jewellery in the entrance table, stealing glances at him every few seconds “I didn’t think you would actually listen to me and wear it, do you like it?

Hoseok lifted the glass to his lips to sip the alcohol. The poorly lit room brought a new light to you that deep down he had known for a while but he wasn’t willing to accept, the tiredness behind your eyes luring him in, making him imagine for a second that the setting was much more domestic than what it really was “Got off classes early and yeah, it does the job, thanks”

You made your way to the bar to fix yourself a drink, all the while he couldn’t stop staring at you, the imposing aura you always exuded sending shivers down his spine, his mind racing. He could already picture you bent over the couch for him as you took a seat and waved him over.

He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much time went by when your lips found his, your dress riding up your thighs when you moved to straddle him, hands finding your ass, tongues fired up with evident desire as you ground down on his hard length “You texted me first today” you broke away from the kiss to look at him funnily, for the first time in the almost a year knowing you, he could see the slightest of vulnerability in your eyes, fondness, for him. So after all, you were wrapped around his finger “Are you falling in love with me, miss Y/N?” 

Your answer was very much in character, sucking his jawline while your hands worked their way down his pants to free his cock, stroking him a few time to bring it to a full length, his head throwing back into the couch in pleasure as you retorted teasingly “Think you’re going to break my heart, Hobi?” 

He knew then that your favourite game had begun. A constant game of tug and pull to lead the sex that had become a routine for both of you.

He had somehow worked his way under your dress at the same time as he pushed his pants to his ankles and removed them, giving your clothed core just the right amount of friction you were seeking and providing him with the perfect moment to flip you both over on the small space, a smirk taking over his factions “You might be good looking baby, but you’re not a piece of art”

“God I need you so much right now” you whispered at him, before tracing the expanse of his back under his newly bought sweater, distracting him enough for you to take his place on top, aching core approaching his face as his smile didn’t seem to get any bigger “Dinner’s served”

“My favourite,” he said before beginning to suck on the inside of your thighs, working his way to where you needed him the most, hot tongue wetting your already drenching panties for a few seconds before he pushed the cloth aside and gripped you even closer to his face, teeth nibbling at your folds teasingly, drawing a loud moan out of you, walls instinctively clenching as his tongue traced you whole, lewd noises filling up the room, subtly grinding up to him as he traced circles on your clit before eating you out once again, up until your thighs started trembling against his head, yours thrown back in ecstasy at the pleasure. His face glistening with your juices once you let him take control over the situation.

Hoseok’s deft fingers rid you of both of your remaining pieces of clothings as you tried to catch your breath, fully aware of what was about to go on after you had your fun with him. Your exposed skin hits the coldness of the floor as Hoseok rolled both of you down the couch, making you shiver as a smile is plastered in the younger’s face; you close your eyes for a split second, not needing to know that for the time being, Hoseok was pumping his hard cock to ready himself for you, small fluttering kisses adorning the space just below your neck as he approaches your ear silently “I was thinking… a Tesla would be a great combo with my brand new Chanel collection, you know?”

A small laugh leaves your lips before you open your eyes to see him hovering above you, eyes  travelling your face, a few strands of hair covering his “You are not sweet talking me into buying you a Tesla, Hoseok”

“I was thinking more of fucking it out of you” it is then that he enters you in a swift thrust, letting you adjust for a few seconds before moving experimentally at the new angle for both of you that was your living room floor, his hand coming up to place your right leg over his shoulder, gaining him better access to have you whimpering below him, just the way he liked. Long, skilled fingers caress your clit as he keeps a steady rhythm inside of you, feeling the warmth enveloping him and your walls clench around him as he speeds up his pace on your nerve bundle.

“Oh g-Hoseok I’m gonna cum” your voice is strained and he feels it as the opportunity to wreck you harder, the movement of his hips hitting all the right spots within you, he can feel your leg cramping on his shoulder as a wave of pleasure hits you and he has half a mind to pull out and release himself on your stomach, both of you breathing heavily as the need starts to fade and it all comes to an end. 

You see, if you asked any of Hoseok’s close friends, they would describe him as pure sunshine, and he was, kinda, at least for the most part of his life, but he was also a man determined to get what he wanted in life, which was why, he was currently pondering his next move. After your little session at your living room floor/couch, he had felt a shift in the air, a longing between the two of you, and that only went on for the next few weeks as you would drop your cold facade and text him small things, as he kept on receiving packages at his dorm (without Tae or Joon knowing, thank fuck) and he had found himself thinking about you non-stop. It was pretty obvious, and if someone had known about your existence, they might have pointed it out, cause it was so obvious even for himself, that the tug and pull game of yours, had made you both fall for the other somehow. Which really, wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for that shitty paragraph on your contract that seems to keep replaying itself inside his mind. If you started becoming too familiar with each other, you would revoke the contract. He had agreed and signed it, thinking that it is just too weird for someone to grow acostumed to another if they just fuck and leave afterwards, but apparently somewhere he went wrong. And he clearly needed the money. You had yet to come to realise your newly found dynamics so he was living on borrowed time. And he had to act quickly.

Hoseok wasn’t really a strategic man, but luck always seemed to be on his side, so it took a mere week to come up with something. He had been visiting the hospital where his sister worked (per his mother’s request) just hanging out, which probably wasn’t even allowed to, but Jiwoo had insisted to wait for her lunch break as it was a slow day anyway. So he did.

“You’ve never told me how you paid off your tuition without dad’s help, Hobi” his sister commented as she went through some papers on her desk. His mind crashed. Error 404. Flee the country. It is one thing lying to his friends about his way of living, a completely different story when family starts asking.

“Oh I’m a- personal assistant of some CEO” he answered, turning to look the other way towards the entrance, almost nonchalantly, but life liked to have fun with him, so of course just as he is trying his best to keep you out of his mind, you had to be walking right through the door, not as outstanding as he is used to see you, but the aura you exude that is so uniquely yours is unable to miss out. You two didn’t talk on personal life, but he had researched you over the months, trying (and failing) to gain some type of useless power over you. It seemed like whatever wasn’t business, wasn’t you. So he had to play dumb.

“Who 's that?” he asked his sister, just as you were rounding the corner, Jiwoo turning to look at your disappearing figure

“Oh, that’s Y/N”

“Y/N like Y/N Y/L/N? the CEO?” the idea of maybe getting into acting and winning an Oscar crossed his mind, his sister hummed in thought

“I guess, Y/N is quite an unusual name right?” she resumed whatever she was doing before adding “But this girl couldn’t be her, she comes to visit her sister religiously every Friday”

“Is she sick?” so your cold uncaring demeanor was really just a front you put up for people.

“You’re starting to sound like a pervert, Hoseok”

He really wishes he could say he dropped the whole sick sister thing after that day, but the longer he thought about that, the cleared it was for him that if he was looking for an upper hand for you not to drop him out of the whole money deal once you realised you had both infringed the contract that brought you two together, this was it. He had immense self-confidence, if he said so himself. But there was something about going against you that wasn’t exactly easy to warm up to. He tried several times to come up with a plan but came empty-handed so he guessed he would just have to go with the flow. 

“You’re so wet already” he grunted as you felt his member teasing your entrance, his hand gripping your hair to bring you to face the mirror beside your bed. Hoseok had decided to drop by after he knew you were done with work, taking you by surprise at the unscheduled session, but then again, who were you to complain about the man, who in less than five minutes and some lazy kissing on your bed had both of you riled up and on all fours at his complete mercy “We’ve got some things to talk about, Y/N” 

You tried to turn your face to look at him directly instead of the mirror but he just tightened his grip as he thrusted forward forcefully, making you grip your sheets tighter attempting not to tumble over, a pleasurable sting on your scalp “I’m listening”

“Friday. Lunchtime, what exactly were you doing at the hospital?” he asked and could already feel your though exterior crumble, he just had to hope that whatever big secret it was having a sick little sister was enough for him to keep the upper hand in the situation.

Just as fast as that surprised look had appeared on your face, it was replaced with determination in your eyes as you pressed yourself back onto him, purposely clenching around him in the way you knew drove him crazy “Maybe I’ll talk. If you fuck me hard enough”

So he did.

“So what do you want in exchange for keeping my Friday’s whereabouts a secret?” you asked as his clothes were thrown at him

This was it. “I want my full tuition paid off before you call it quits on us”

You turned to look at him, laughing a little “Hoseok, a human vulnerability doesn’t mean that I am weak” you made your way to the bathroom “You’ll have to work harder for it”

Each day that went by was filled with dread of having his whole lifestyle crumbling down in a second, it had been so long since he had even so much as heard about you. Until he wouldn’t stop hearing about you (kind of) He remembers waking up to a 5am text from you telling him that he couldn’t have peace without a war, but if he was being completely honest, he was kind of asleep at the time so he couldn’t comprehend half of it. But it all became clearer when his phone started blowing up with texts, from Taehyung and Namjoon, to his sister and his parents. Apparently, you had a very expensive shopping spree in his name, delivered especially with lots of love to every person that could, and most certainly would question how exactly he had the kind of money to afford the luxurious gifts that they were all receiving. 

From:Y/N [9:02]

You start at 10. 

To: Y/N [9:02]

Y/N What’s going on?

From: Y/N [9:05]

Welcome to the team, board member Jung Hoseok.

So perhaps you would always have the upper hand when it came to power and control of whatever it was you two were playing. You had no doubt and no obstacle to ruin his whole life. But he guesses that his upper hand is shown in the fact that he could keep you from doing just that.

[notepadsandtealeaves]

Keigo Takami x GN!Reader in: Yours Always

From Your Hero, With Love 💌 || VDE 2021

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | event m.list | bnha tag | main blog ||

|| rdr vde (ladies) | rdr vde (gents) | batboys vde ||

|| from hizashi 💌 | from shouta 💌 ||

We were only ever supposed to be acquaintances, but then we became more. After that I promised myself that it would stop at a light and casual friendship. It was only ever supposed to be fun, but then you became more to me—so very much more…

Things were never supposed to go this far, but gods is he glad they did…

�� Requested By: My burning desire to receive a love letter lol ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW fluff ((but my blog’s 18+ if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ CWs: None ↠ Betas? Nah, we don’t do that here. ((tho we should, honestly)) ↠ Total WC: 1k~

Yes, I know that the holiday is celebrated a bit differently in Japan, with Valentine’s Day being more so guy-centric and White Day being aimed at the ladies, but shhhh~

Just go with it and (hopefully) enjoy!!

|| Yours Always

Songbird,

How are you doing on this fine Sunday morning? Excellent, I hope. Barring something odd and-or unfortunate happening after I left, you should’ve gotten a good night’s rest—I certainly made sure of that ;)

Are you giving this letter The Look™? I bet you are, and I’m laughing my ass off over it, but like quietly because I don’t want to wake you. Yes I’m writing this with you lying next to me, on this the eve of the most romantic of holidays because, well…

I’ve been having a lot of feelings about a lot of things, namely you. And us. And what that all means. 

I’m not really the type that forms attachments easily, or really at all. Between my job, the media, and my public image it’s not exactly easy to suss out who wants to be in my life for the right reasons. And as you well know I’m all about taking the path of least resistance whenever possible. Hard work doesn’t bother me, never has, but just because you’re working hard doesn’t mean you’re working smart, ya know? But this is all only tangentially related so let me get to the point.

Commitment is a thing I’ve always been afraid to let myself want, let alone indulge in. Life has this funny (read: terrible) way of ripping the things I want clean out of my hands and chucking them into the nearest volcano and then picking said volcano up and launching it into deep space. Anything I dare to get too attached to inevitably falls prey to this cosmic imperative-esque bullshit, so naturally I’ve learned to just not.

Not care, not cherish, not… love…

I’m pretty sure you can see where I’m going with this, but you deserve to hear—or, well, read—the whole of this, so here we go.

____, I think—no, I know that I love you.

Maybe I’m a coward for breaking it to you like this, writing it down for you to read when I’m not there to say it to your face, but… I guess there really isn’t any ‘but’. I am scared, terrified, shaken in a way that I’ve never experienced before, but given that you’ve made me feel dozens upon dozens of things that I didn’t even know I was still capable of feeling I really shouldn’t be surprised. You have this strange (read: amazing) way of shattering my expectations, of pushing past my boundaries and scaling my walls to get to the heart of me.

We were only ever supposed to be acquaintances, but then we became more. After that I promised myself that it would stop at a light and casual friendship. It was only ever supposed to be fun, but then you became more to me—so very much more and you deserve to know that.

Honestly I don’t even know if I can properly love someone, actively at least, but for you I’m willing to learn. To try. To give you my whole everything.

And I promise you that I’m actually going to say all of this, out loud and to your face, today—or well tomorrow technically, but you know what I mean.

Even if you don’t share my feelings I believe that you at least deserve to know that they’re there. The ball’s firmly in your court now, baby bird, and all of this—all of me—is to do with as you will. If you’re not there yet that’s perfectly fine, and if you think you’ll never get there that’s fine too. We can totally ignore this letter’s existence altogether and pretend that none of this happened.

I’m not trying to pressure you into anything by telling you all of this, I just wanted you to know how deeply I care for you. I know sometimes it can seem like I don’t really care for much of anything outside of my work. That damned persona that I’ve been carefully cultivating over the years isn’t the easiest thing to shed in full, and despite my best efforts Hawks occasionally bleeds over into Keigo. But even with all of his bravado, plastic smiles, and general jackassery that side of me absolutely adores you as well.

____, baby, you have every damn part of me and that thought is equal parts comforting and terrifying. Well, that’s not exactly accurate. It’s more like a… hmm, let’s say a 75-25 split favoring comforting. That’s on average these days, though I won’t lie, it took a bit for it to get there and sometimes it still dips down to a 60-40 ratio, but that’s only on days where I feel like you’re getting too close for your own good and…

And now I’m pretty sure I’m rambling. Rambling in a letter is just sad, honestly, but there’s nothing for it. There’s so many ‘what if’s’ and worse case scenarios floating around in my head, and in my heart I know that they don’t have any credence, but when you’ve lived your whole life expecting the worst and never daring to hope for anything better…

Okay, let me wrap this up before it turns into even more of a diary entry than what it already is.

In short, I love you, and needed you to know that. What you do with that information is entirely up to you, no pressure whatsoever, I promise.

As far as Valentine’s Day goes, I do have plans and they’re all a surprise and they’re gonna stay that way. I already got breakfast on standby from our favorite spot, so all you gotta do is call them when you’re ready for it; with any luck I can get out of this debriefing early enough to join you for a bit of it. Other than that just hang out until either I, or it gets there.

Wondering what ‘it’ is? Don’t worry—you’ll know it when you see it. (Was that ominous or was it more mysterious? Because I was going for the latter, but I feel like it came off scarier than I’d like. ‘It’ is a good thing, you’ll like it, I swear!)

Anyways! Happy Valentine’s Day, birdie. I’m sorry I can’t be there when you wake up, but I’ll see you soon.

Yours always, Kei

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2021 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Play it loud, Daechwita

The loud sounds of the market were buzzing through your head. Countless people talking all at once, some screaming, others bargaining, and some you swear were talking loudly just because they liked the sound of their own voice. Every time you came here you left with a migraine, and you knew this time would be no different. Unfortunately, you are only human and you have to eat.

You come to the butcher’s stand and notice an odd exchange happen. The man wearing a straw hat doesn’t buy anything, just simply mouths a few words, they both nod, and he turns around to walk off. His gaze is cast down, clearly trying not to be noticed. He begins walking towards you and as he does, one gentleman runs into him, causing the man to smack right into you. You fall to the ground and a cloud of dirt is kicked up. You try to expel the dirt from your lungs and clear the dust away from your vision with a wave of your hand.

“Yah! Jin watch where you are going! You just ran right into that guy!”

“Excuse me? Show some respect that is hyung to you!”  

You watch the two fighting with each other and notice the man is still walking off away from you. He didn’t even offer to help you up, which honestly made your blood boil just enough to the point where you went running after him demanding an apology.

“Hey! You! Don’t you just walk away from me! You knocked me flat on my ass the least you can do is apologize!” He continues to ignore you and keeps walking. “Hey! Straw hat guy!” His shoulders tense. “Ah so you can hear me. Listen up you can’t just run into people like that and not stay you’re sorry didn’t your mom teach you any-“ Suddenly he turns around, grabs your wrist and yanks you into an ally and your nerve are immediately on edge. Maybe you shouldn’t have pushed the issue so much. “Um, listen I am sorry I didn’t mean it please don’t murder me.” You hide your face and hear the guy let out a deep breathy chuckle. It sounds familiar. So familiar it sends a shiver up your spine.

“You can’t be.. Y--.. Yoon-“ A hand is slapped over your mouth and your back is suddenly pressed flat against the building. He slowly lifts his head up and your gaze finally meets. You’d remember those eyes anywhere. Your own widen to the size of saucers as you start incoherently shouting behind his hand muffling your voice. He holds a finger up to his lips.

“Shh! For fuck sake y/n keep your voice down.”

“Mmm-ph!”

“Are you going to be quiet?” You nod your head. He removes his hand from your mouth.

“What the fuck Yoo-“ His hand is immediately back.

“Listen, I need you to not blow my cover so please y/n I am begging you, don’t cause a scene.” You seem to relax at that, so he slowly lowers his hand until he is sure you won’t start shouting at him again. He sees your expression crumple and knows what’s going to happen. You are immediately pulled into a hug with your face buried in his chest. A hand is placed on the back of your head as he runs his fingers through your hair. A hand snakes down to your waist and pulls you even tighter against him. You sob into his chest, the sound muffled as he’s holding you so closely to him. You have a death grip on his shirt, terrified that if you let go for even a second that he is going to disappear again.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here. I promise you, I’m not leaving again.”

“I- I thought you were dead. You’ve been missing for years, Yoongi. What the hell happened? Where did you go? What were you doing that you couldn’t even see me for two seconds to let me know you were alive?  You could have sent me a letter. A smoke signal. Or anything for that matter. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when I saw your brother cut you with the sword. There was so much blood..” You shudder at the memory which you thought you had repressed by now. Apparently your brain had other plans.  “How are you even alive right now? I thought I was never going to see you again and I’ve lived the past 5 years with this emptiness and hole in my chest that was left by you.” You pull away from him and his heart shatters at the broken expression on your face. He lifts his hands up to cup your face and kisses both of your cheeks until you stop crying.

“Y/n you know I couldn’t. He was after me. You all were in danger. I had to make everyone believe that I was gone otherwise my plan never would have worked. And to be honest I honestly thought that was the end for me. But the executioner.. He snuck out after my brother tried to kill me. He found me and took me to a doctor he trusted that healed me. My brother… he’s gone absolutely mad y/n I am sure you know that. He gave himself a scar to match mine just so he could pretend to be me so no one would question it. He can’t be allowed to rule any longer. That’s why I left for so long. I was building connections, ensuring that I would have enough support and people willing to follow me after I overthrow my brother. I had to let people know that there was still hope, that that imposter on the throne wasn’t me.”

“So you decided to let a bunch of strangers know you were alive but not me? Someone who has been by your side since we were kids?” You narrow your eyes, feeling more hurt now than ever. “You trusted people you didn’t even know over me?”

“Y/n that’s not-“

“Please, just don’t. I don’t want to hear anymore excuses.”

“They aren’t excuses it’s the truth. I couldn’t’ come back here. I didn’t dare set foot inside the city walls and I especially couldn’t see you. My brother knew how much I loved you. If I would have even tried to send a message to you, it would have been intercepted. People have been following you and keeping tabs on you ever since my brother became suspicious of the rumors that I was still alive. Otherwise I would have let you know I was fine. You weren’t the only one hurting, you know? But if I upset you that badly and you want nothing to do with me.. I understand.” He finally drops his hands away from your face and takes a step back. You immediately miss his touch and reach out to grab his hand and lace your fingers together, something he often did to assure you that he would always be there for you, and wasn’t going anywhere. Now you needed to do the same for him.

“You’re right. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through these past few years. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He gives you a small smile, but it’s enough to send a frenzy of butterflies into your stomach. Some things never change.  You stand there for a moment, taking in the sight of him. He looks tired, so so tired. The dark circles under his eyes have worsened, the usual light that shown in his eyes was gone. Although you could see a little bit being rekindled when you smile up at him. He’s more pale than you remember. And thinner. You make a mental note to cook him a hearty meal once all of this is done. Maybe make him a cake or two. You were planning to spoil him rotten as a welcome back.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Hmm, no reason. Just trying to commit this moment to memory in case I wake up and realize this really all was just a dream.”

“It’s not. I promise I’m here.” He moves closer and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Did you feel that?”

“Y-yes.”

“And how about this?” his lips lightly brush over your eyelids and you flutter them closed.

“Yes.”

“And how about this?” Ever so gentle, his lips finally are connected with yours. They barely brush against one another but it is enough to send your heart thudding loudly in your chest.

“I feel all of that.” When you open your eyes he’s smiling his signature gummy smile that you adore and missed more than anything.

“I guess you’re not dreaming then, huh?”

“I guess not. So where do we go from here?” His expression falls slightly.

“I… I don’t know. I can’t be here with you until I figure everything out with my brother. I can’t put you in danger like that please understand.” You nod your head, although you pout slightly. Yoongi pokes your bottom lip causing you to giggle.

“I understand. Just, can you at least tell me what you’re planning?”

“… I’m sorry no. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t want you to know anything for your own safety.”

“Alright. I trust you.” His eyes widen at that in surprise.

“R-really?”

“Of course.”

“Just that easy? No arguing? Back talk? Are you my brother in disguise?” He pulls on your cheeks and you immediately burst out laughing and swat his hand away.

“Yoongi I will never stop believing in you or supporting you. You can always count on me.” You reach down and give his hand a comforting squeeze, and he does the same back.

“That really means a lot to me y/n. Seriously. Thank you.”

“No need to. You should probably get back to whatever it is you were doing though. The more time we spend back here the more suspicious it is going to look if someone really is watching me.” Yoongi’s grip tightens harshly.

“You’re right.” He brings your hand up to his lips and places a kiss there.

“I promise I will come find you once this is all over.”

“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

So things weren’t going exactly to his plan. No, they absolutely really were not. Him getting captured of course was. The executioner was on his side, and he knew that his life was not in danger at his hands. What he wasn’t planning on, was you getting captured as well. His heart immediately falls into his stomach when he hears your whimpers from beside him.  

“Let y/n go you asshole. Your problem is with me.” You hear his brother scoff loudly.

“Hmm yes. But see y/n here cares for you deeply, and I know you care just as much if not more. So I figured why not have a little party here? I’m sure my dear brother, that you love to spend your last moments with them, correct?”

“What are you talking about? Yoongi? What’s going on, I can’t see anything because of the blindfold.” You hear him click his tongue against his teeth.

“Well that’s a problem. See I want you to witness everything, my dear.”

“Don’t call me that you freaking crazy ass-“

“Yah! Y/n don’t say that. Don’t make things worse than they already are, please.”

“You should listen to him you know? He’s right. I don’t take kindly to people insulting me. You’re lucky I am even considering letting you go after I kill him. By the way how did you even survive the first time? I cut with you with my sword and made sure it was deep enough that you wouldn’t survive. Someone must have saved you. Who was it hmm? Who do I have to behead for betraying me all those years ago? Maybe if you tell me I will consider letting you live out the rest of your days in the dungeon.” Even though your eyes are covered you know Yoongi would have rolled his eyes at that.

“Guess I just got lucky. You did get me deep enough, I have the scars to prove it. Some other worldly force in the universe must be looking out for me and knows who’s really meant to be on the throne.” You are about to speak when the blindfold is suddenly ripped off and you are staring up at the very man you despise with everything in you. Any trace of light or kindness is completely gone from his eyes. His blonde hair is tied back and you take in the sharpness of his features. Even though they are brothers, there is nothing similar about them. Agust’s eyes are sharp, and cruel. Whereas Yoongi’s are soft and hold so much kindness. There is a reason people around town call Agust the Mad King. He smirks at you and you wish your hands weren’t bound so you can quite literally wipe that grin off his face. He turns towards the executioner and nods his head, giving him the signal. He starts heading towards Yoongi and your heart is racing in your chest. It feels like it’s going to absolutely burst and you can’t help the tears that are escaping from your eyes.

“Y-Yoongi, no. You can’t.. This isn’t happening.” The executioner forces him to stand and move where he is kneeling with his back to you.

“Y/n everything is going to be okay. Trust me.”

“Even when you are about to die you are still so confident and cocky. You disgust me, you know?”

“Yeah? Well the feeling is mutual, sir.” He spits on the ground in front of his brother and he almost breaks his composure for a moment, but scoffs instead, turning on his heel and walking back up to the top of the steps to his throne room to watch everything unfold.

“Well? Get on with it.” The executioner raises the sword high above Yoongi’s head and you let out a cry. Yoongi told you to trust him, that everything will be fine. But when you see the sword come down and see him crumple onto the ground everything he says goes out the window. Your body just shuts down. You collapse onto the ground and cry silently, having had every ounce of energy completely leave your body. But then you see something through the blurriness of your tears. It looks like movement? You squint your eyes and try to wipe them as best as you can on your shoulder. Yoongi is moving. Your eyes widen in shock as you watch him take the blind fold off and shrug the ropes off his body. The executioner is bowing to him, head held low and handing him something. It’s a glint of metal and you immediately know what it is. The king says nothing, clearly having realized he has been betrayed. His arrogance having got the better of him, he had none of his court officials or soldiers with him because he thought there was no way he would get away this time, that he wouldn’t be so lucky. Yoongi takes the gun and turns around to face you.

“I’m sorry angel but I’ll untie you in a minute. Close your eyes, I don’t want you to see this.” Before he even finishes his sentence you feel your vision going black, the onslaught of different emotions you’ve felt all at once washing over you and overwhelming your sense all at once. Your head falls back onto the ground and you’re out. The last thing you hear before you drift into unconsciousness is the sound of a gunshot, and footsteps running over to you.

“Y/n? Come on sweetheart, you need to wake up.” He places his palm on your cheek and runs his thumb over it gently. “I know that was a lot to deal with, but I need you to wake up now, come on angel stay with me.” Your eyes start to flutter open when you feel his lips pressing kisses all over your face. When your eyes do finally stay open and you meet his, he’s smiling at you. It’s a small one, but you see the intent behind it with the way his eyes are shining at you. “There you are. You passed out for a little bit there. Are you okay?”

You stare at him, just blinking and not saying anything and he begins to worry that maybe you hit your head a little too hard. Until his thoughts are abruptly cut off by you throwing your arms around his neck and tugging him into a suffocating hug. He doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate, holding you just as tightly.

“Is it done now?”

“Yeah. I mean, no I have a feeling this mess is just beginning but he’s gone. My brother’s rule is over. I can finally take my rightful place on the throne and lead this country to the greatness it was once meant to be. And I can do it with you by my side.” You pull away and smile at him, and lean in to peck a kiss on his nose. His own grin widens and you see that gummy smile you adore so much.

“Um, your highness. The gunshot caused quite a commotion I think all of the soldiers are running over here now.” Yoongi tries to move away from you but you refuse to let go. He places his hands on your own and tries to gently pry the death grip you have on his shirt away.

“Angel, you gotta let go of me. This whole place is going to be in chaos in a moment and I need to be able to explain myself so they don’t try to behead me the moment they see me.”

“But I just got you back. I thought for a second I lost you again, I can’t let go of you Yoongi, not yet.” He sighs but regardless, can’t help the fondness he has for you.

“What do I always tell you, y/n?”  

“… To trust you.”

“So believe me when I say I am not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you again. I promise. Once everything gets sorted, you’ll have forever to spend with me.” You slowly let go of his shirt, but he doesn’t let go of you just get. He laces his fingers with your own and holds your hand tightly.

“We’ll face whatever comes our way together?” He nods his head and kisses your cheek.

“Together. Always”

[decayandfanfics]

The great book of sayings

PAIRINGS: Tomura Shigaraki x FemReader

SUMMARY: He looks at you, his scarlet eyes fixed on yours, burning a hole through your head, every bit the predator he is, but you are as tough as it gets, so, against your better judgment and any well-founded logic, you answer his silent threat, the animalistic look he gives you with nothing less than a fearless smirk, irises burrowing into his pupils.A clever girl. He thinks, finally labeling you inside his head, cursing himself in the very moment he allows his brain to think of you as more than an asset. He is sure (he knows himself enough to know) he’ll think of this moment many times from now on.A clever pretty girl.

Reader is a typical college student until she gets herself tangled with the league of villains.

WARNINGS: Unhealthy/complicated relationships, violence, Tomura being Tomura, mentions of murder, heroes’ abuse of power, smut later.

A/N: I’m trying so hard to write crusty boy here really in character. At least after AfO is taken. Any misspelled words, english is not my native language so i’m trying Helen.

___________________________________________________________

Chapter 8 / Chapter 9

You show me the man and I’ll show you the rule.

Tomura thinks he knows nothing about beauty, but then she proves him wrong.

(He thought her pretty before already, but after seen it…he concludes she’s the most beautiful, terrific thing he’s ever seen. Not that he would tell her that.)

A feral dangerous creature living inside of her with no other match.

No other but him.

Oh...you have no idea...She told him.

It happens so fast. One moment she’s there, sitting in front of her laptop, pretty and quiet and serene. All harmony and light, resting softly under the sunlight, between her dumb succulents and the spices that fill her home. Then he can hear Dabi’s caustic laugh and the wrong words. He’s disrespectful, an instigator, skilled in the art of making others lose their composure like is his favorite game.

He hears the foul words, the berating, and the mocking aimed to him, while she sits wide eyed and impossible flustered by the kitchen table.

Dabi smirks triumphant, like he always does after giving everyone a piece of his drama and Tomura watches him, wincing, reminding himself again that Dabi is supposedly oldest than him and Toga, and yet he does his best to being an annoying brat.

Tomura knows better to just let him bark, his remarks mean nothing to him, he knows what he is, and he knows what he isn’t. He’s a freak, yeah. That too, but he isn’t a child anymore, so he let it slide, keeping his eyes glued to his phone arching an inquisitive brow, ready to just let it die there.

He just forgot about the stupid little stunts of bravery she has this tendency to commit. (An annoying dangerous trait that makes him chuckle with something akin to fondness.)

She’s having none of the bullshit, Dabi’s little remarks had fed her up after a whole week of spiteful teasing, her precious patience has run thin.

“blue eyes are a mutation too, so you are no one to talk about it.”

The moment she opens her mouth, Tomura feels something warm filling the hollow place where his dead heart should go and it’s so foreign to him that for a moment he panics and thinks (very stupidly) that maybe his energy drink-based diet is finally going to kill him, and he (barely in his sweet twenty’s) is having a stupid heart attack.

But the pain never comes, it’s just her, voicing a clever answer, defending him.

“A quirkless little bitch? Seriously, Dabi? Where you raised in a fucking barn that you know nothing but fuck this and bitch that?

He wants to make her shut it, but he can’t find the words. Not when her remarks are sharp and funny to hear. (Besides, her voice sounds so sweet when she’s throwing smart ass angry comments just to back him up.)

It warms him and enrages him equally. How dare she to defend him? He can speak for himself on his own and doesn’t need her to make any back up about an insult he doesn’t care for. Stupid pretty woman. Trying to shut Dabi, putting herself in danger for the likes of him...Is she insane? (later that day, he’ll conclude that she must be pretty fucking nuts to have them all in her home after all, but somehow the thought only makes him like her more.)

“yeah. I know stupid cunt too.”

Dabi likes to cause havoc and now he’s pissed, so he throws a vulgarity aimed at her. Tomura feels the hot pang of anger at the other man, because the offense is not only an insult, but also a lie.  She’s not stupid nor a cunt. She's sharp as a knife and kind enough to share with them. 

“Dabi, cut it out.” He warns with a grimace, and now the fight has everyone tense in the room.

“I’m sure you do. Pretty useful to describe yourself I bet.” She snarls showing her teeth, an angry frown darkening her features and Tomura swears her eyes begin changing color.

“you sure like to bet, like how you are betting I don’t burn you alive for being an annoying bitch.”

This time Tomura gets fucking furious, something animal revolving inside of him at the idea of Dabi threatening her. But the fight is escalating so fast, he can’t say anything before she answers back.  

“Fuck off, Dabi. This might be shocking for you, but you don’t scare me.”

He wants to laugh at this, truly. Feisty little thing she is when angered, all her soft ways and nerd knowledge thrown out the window in a fit of cocky bickering and a part of him is living for the chaos of it.

“now, that’s pretty fucking stupid of you.”

“Dabi, shut up!” Tomura growls irked with the way her hair has begun to float over her shoulders, now completely convinced that she’s not quirkless at all.

“I’m not the one insulting everyone just because I cannot deal with some fucking daddy issues.”

God fucking dammit woman, just shut up. He thinks frustrated, giving her a look worth a stab.

“YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT” Dabi snarls before kicking the little table in the living room, breaking one of its legs with a loud crack.

“CUT IT OUT!” she screams this time, standing from her chair “I don’t have to know when it’s plainly obvious you have problems with authority.”

“you really think you are so clever, don’t you?” Dabi states, crossing the living room, aiming to her, so Tomura leaves his place in the corner to stand at her side without even thinking why.

“I know I am, asshole!”

Dabi stops his tracks, looming over her like a monster. His eyes scanning her face before looking at Tomura, who stands by her with his hands open in front of him in clear warning.

The black-haired man looks at her before moving to Tomura, his brows raised in surprise as he chuckles darkly.

Shigaraki hates the way he looks at him, like he knows his thoughts. Like he knows he’s been creeping into her room to watch her sleep and the sinister lustful visions that sometimes plague his dreams after some playful back and forth every time she defies him with some smart-ass comment.

“stupid woman. You should know better.”

And then…he just slaps the laptop out of the table; the computer smashing open against the cemented ground.

Tomura remembers this moment like one would remember the witness of a car crush or a catastrophe. A simple second enough to amaze him for a lifetime.

The way her eyes just ignite into scorching red lights shining like burning embers under her frown brow. Her hair floats free from gravity over her shoulders like a terrible chaotic crown as her mouth flash pearly teeth in a feral snarl.

He watches how she claws her right hand, fingers curling, knuckles tensing and Dabi is suddenly choking under the pressure of some raw power. His limbs twisting painfully in horrific motion and unnatural angles in complete agony.

A second later and before anyone could grasp what’s happening, her other hand pointing pinky, index and thumb to Compress, Toga and himself, keeping them frozen in their place, a strange rigid pressure making him feel like he’s full of cement and any movement will shatter his bones and snap his spine.

He can’t move, he can barely breathe. Feeling like if every fiber of his being, every muscle, every cord is solid hard under his skin, unavailing him to get away.

But he can watch, so he watches her terrified and amazed.

Her quirk is rare, and powerful and dangerous. But she keeps it locked away, sleeping soundly, safely caged inside her ribs, like the best hidden weapon, perfect for torturing bodies and bending wills. Buried deeply under her layers of kindness and humor.

One twitch of a finger, and Dabi’s neck would snap in two and they can do nothing but just watch when little blood vessels begin to burst in the white of his eyes as he pants desperate for air, his veins contorting furiously under the marred skin of his neck and the flames scatter in some random parts of his body without any control.

Tomura swears he can hear Dabi’s bones crackle under the invisible force as his spine bends backwards in a sickening angle.

And, as sudden as it begins, ends.

Her hair falls and her eyes are no longer red. Dabi breathes again falling to his knees and for a moment Tomura thinks he will cry out of pure fright.

For a moment he wonders if Toga and Compress want to cry too because that felt like certain death, but is sweet, somehow. Something within him squirms joyfully with the notion of her own violence. She is as dangerous as him, no damsel in distress, no little girl in need of care, no simple quirkless girl, but a horrifying woman. A dangerous and powerful creature with a quirk made for torment, just like-

He looks at her, just to find a sad disappointed face. A thick trail of blood began sliding silently from her nose, tainting the perfect bow of her lip. Only then he notices the bloodshot eyes and how the color has run from her face.

She stands quiet and bitter watching between her hands and Dabi trying to catch his breath. Her face giving away guilt and self-loathing (two feelings he’s very familiar with.) but unlike him, she is no tormentor, she grasps no joy in watching Dabi suffer, nor do she wish of making them quiver to the sight of her.

She is kind, and brave, and witty. Humorous girl, quick at wordplay and puns; buying vitamins and oranges for them and something about no one getting scurvy under her watch.

He wants to laugh hysterically at her sight because she is magnificent, and for a moment he thinks that the boy with the destructive touch and the girl with the tormenting gaze sounds like a hell of a name for rulers and his heart shivers in excitement, but she is crying and clutches her guilty hands against her chest and ask them to forgive her for using her quirk on them.

She didn’t mean to; she didn’t want to. She likes them all very much, so she promises she’ll never hurt them again, and somehow it reminds him of something, but he cannot place a finger on what exactly.

He feels the sorrow drowning him. A grudge so horrid it makes him want to vomit and scratch his neck raw because something in her resembles something in him, but he cannot really grasp the motive of such connection, only knowing it has something to do with the hands he carries around like a symbol of his own distress and a little black-haired boy crying in some familiar backyard.

The sound of the bathroom door startles him and she’s no longer in the living room, but he can hear the quiet sobbing coming from behind the door.

Finally, Dabi decides to just fall backwards against the cold floor, still panting, an arm over his eyes.

Only then Spinner breaks the dreadful silence and ask the question they all want to make.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.”

Chapter 10

[fytheuntamed]

I used to see WWX as sunshine incarnated and how it hurt me when I realized that it's mostly just fake and he's really not. I thought he was such a genuine person and when I realized that he hides so much of himself that he's not very genuine at all my heart broke a little and I needed to share my feelings. I still love him though, but it was a huge shock to me that everything I initially fell in love with was actually wrong. I hope this little ramble wasn't a bother.

Hello, anon! First off, you’re not bothering me at all; even if I can’t reply to all of them, I read and appreciate every ask I get. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit disillusioned with WWX; I know some would say he’s just a fictional character, but I think all of us here can attest to the power fictional characters have in impacting the lives of real people. Your ask made me think a lot about who WWX is, so I hope you don’t mind me sharing my own thoughts on the matter! Just a few disclaimers before I get into it: all analysis is based off of drama!WWX, as that is the adaption I know best, so keep this in mind as you read because I know his characterization varies a bit from adaption to adaption. WWX also happens to be my favorite character from the show, so this could will get long :’) I’m also going to continue on with the assumption that you’ve seen the show in its entirety!

I think one of the most important things to understand about people, fictional or real, is that we, like ogres, have layers. This is just what happens when you exist in a world where different settings with different people bring out different sides of us as dictated by societal norms. Does this make someone fake? I would say no, mainly because I think there’s a difference between acting “fake” and being fake. Anytime I speak on the phone with a stranger I automatically assume my “telephone voice,” which sounds quite different from my talking-with-friends-and-family-voice. I don’t leave such phone calls thinking to myself, “wow, I’m such a fake,” because I know that when speaking with strangers, being more polite than I would be around close friends and family is respectful. I think what it comes down to for me is, regardless of how I am presenting myself, am I staying true to my beliefs and values? This is why I think WWX is in fact very genuine, and I would also argue that it is his genuine nature (once revealed) that attracts LWJ to WWX.

Returning to the idea of people having layers, we must recognize that people are not static; we are constantly reacting to our settings and thus our moods fluctuate accordingly. WWX is sunshine incarnate, but he is also someone who has suffered a great deal over the course of his life. To expect him to smile no matter what is a cruel burden to impose on him, and I believe it is a burden he feels in canon. Because both Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu impress upon WWX that he must keep Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng safe, that they are the priority, WWX feels compelled to smile and put on a strong facade so that he doesn’t crumble and fall apart, thus “failing” his adoptive parents and siblings. So while these smiles may simply be masks to hide his pain, thus not “real” smiles, they do not make WWX himself fake, but rather (imo) reinforce his genuine nature because his motives are genuine, even if his smiles may not always be.

There are also times when he smiles and acts extremely cocky in front of others, only for this facade to immediately fall away the moment he is alone/out of the public eye. One of my favorite examples of this is in episode 26 when he questions Jin Zixun about the whereabouts of Wen Ning. The entire time he is there, he exudes a cocky disregard for formality and the established hierarchy, even going so far as to say, “If I, Wei Wuxian, want to kill someone, who can stop me? Who would dare to stop me?!” Once he has the information he needs and turns to leave, however, we immediately see the cockiness fall from his face to be replaced by one of...remorse? I’ll let you guys decide for yourselves.

[gif credit]

I think it is worth noting that his facade fades once he looks at LWJ, because LWJ is one of the few people at this point in time who WWX respects, and whose opinion of WWX still holds value to WWX. And so again we see that WWX’s outward behavior does not seem to align with his inner feelings. Look at the situation that WWX is in, though. He is just one man, albeit a powerful one, going against the biggest, most powerful clans. If he shows an ounce of weakness, they’ll eat him alive. And so in order to stay true to his beliefs, WWX puts on a show. In episode 25 we also see WWX put on a show of shooting many arrows simultaneously while blindfolded. @cal3ris made an excellent post on here stating that WWX was not just doing this to show off, but that he was ensuring the temporary safety of the Wen prisoners by pulling off such a feat so as to ensure no other cultivator would attempt the challenge after him. In situations such as this one, it works in WWX’s favor that the vast majority of the cultivation world believes him to be nothing but a showoff with a big mouth. And of course, there is a part of WWX that does enjoy being in the spotlight! Especially if someone he wants to impress is watching~

At the beginning of the Gusu days flashback (ep 3), we see WWX before everything goes to hell. He’s constantly smiling, goofing around, and is a genuine gremlin of a lad. This is real! He’s a teenager in the flush of his youth, he’s with his beloved siblings, he’s smart and talented, the list goes on and on. For people who don’t know WWX, he comes off as a shallow person with no real depth who thinks of nothing but goofing around all day. For those who know WWX intimately, like Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng (though he’s less vocal about it), they know this is not the case. The point is, WWX doesn’t care what people think about him. He doesn’t care because he knows who he is and what he stands for. This is a huge part of who WWX is as a person: “I don’t care if they slander me, as long as I have a clear conscience.” It is also one of the defining things that connect Wangxian to one another, which brings me to the point of LWJ being someone whom WWX hates to deceive, because he greatly values LWJ’s good opinion of him. We see how much it pains WWX to put distance between himself and LWJ, but we also see that WWX is willing to do so if he believes it is for the best. In episode 20, after being reunited with Jiang Cheng and LWJ, we see WWX purposefully push LWJ away with cold precision. Once more he plays his role with practiced ease, but we see his mask fall as he watches LWJ walk away.

WWX goes from this:

[gif credit]

to this as soon as LWJ isn’t looking at him:

[gif credit]

Having just returned from the Burial Mounds, WWX is very unstable, both physically and mentally. For the past months that he’s spent in the Burial Mounds, survival has been his priority. We see this instability and the signs of PTSD manifest quite a bit throughout the Sunshot episodes. In episode 20 Jiang Cheng hugs WWX, who honestly seems at a loss as to how to respond. In episode 20 we see LWJ step towards WWX, who immediately steps back. We also see WWX shrink away from Nie Huaisang’s touch. This is incredibly telling because WWX is someone who likes physical touch and proximity. He’s constantly putting his arms around Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang and constantly puts himself in LWJ’s personal space (much to LWJ’s initial chagrin). I believe WWX’s behavior post Burial Mounds comes from a desire to protect himself from those around him as well as those around him from himself. [apt gifset here] Nothing about this WWX is fake to me. He is acting differently here because he is different. Trauma does not define a person, but it does change a person. Post Burial Mounds WWX is a different person, but he has not lost what makes him him, which is his strong commitment to his beliefs and morals. For WWX during this time, I don’t believe he has the emotional strength to relive his trauma to those closest to him, so he settles for brushing them off with excuses and yes, fake smiles. This also ties into WWX’s habit of internalizing his own struggles so as not to burden those around him. Hopefully at this point a clear pattern has revealed itself: no matter how WWX presents himself on the outside, he never compromises his beliefs.

After being resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body, we see a WWX who is far more reminiscent of the carefree teenager back in Gusu. We see WWX slowly heal from the traumas of his past life and we see him begin to smile again, not because he needs to, but because he can’t help it. We might be tempted to look at this WWX and think, “ah, this is the real him,” but I think this does a disservice to the complexity of his character. The point is, it’s all WWX. The pranks, the smiles that crinkle the corners of his eyes, the creativity, the cockiness, the way his laughter bursts out of his body at times and at other times comes out like a sigh or an afterthought, the way he looks out for the juniors, and both his quiet and loud rage are all what makes him who he is. Certain aspects may be muted at times, but that’s to be expected. WWX is by no means perfect, but I would say he is painfully genuine. Just think, would LWJ feel so strongly about him if he weren’t?

As I feared, this got way too long and I probably rambled and repeated myself and got off track, but it’s fine…..

[awfullyaster]

andrew and neil are switches, don’t you forget it

ok hi here for my (probably) daily aftg rant,,,,so i’m seeing that the majority of the fandom (as far as i’ve seen anyway)--or fics/fanart consisting of andreil doing the do--view neil as a power bottom ?

am i incorrect? are my resources false? idk bout u but so far i’ve only seen like one fic where neil is the top/penetrator (!mao is that even a real word idk but it sounds weird haha cute ok anyway)

and honestly, i have to disagree. i do. i’m not trying to push andrew’s boundaries by saying that neil could top, i’m just saying that y’all don’t give neil enough credit.

liek,,,,,bro,,,,,do you not see the amount of top energy neil mf josten radiates ???? like, yes, we know andrew takes the lead but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’d top forever ?????

( just a proposition, ofc but this is just my opinion based on observations--yet again ) 

( and tbh i had difficulty trying to figure who was the top and who was the bottom between them when i encountered the first hint of intimate growth in their relationship--to the point where i had to ask my best friend who hadn’t a clue what aftg was prior to (that’s when the aftg rants officially started/ignited) and it took some time/proper discussion/consideration but he first came up with the conclusion that andrew was a sub top and that neil was a power bottom )

as for yours truly, i came to the conclusion that they are both switches (some time after i finished reading).

i mean,,,,,,can you really just look at neil josten--wholly, like his entire personality, attitude (problem !), traits, &c and decide on the spot that he’s a bottom ??? how ??? how the hell do you come up with that ?????

and hear me out, i have evidence/reasons:

one) The Great Riko Roast™️. need i say more? 

(if elaboration is necessary:

keep in mind that neil (this literal fucking nobody) burned riko (supposedly the king of exy or whatever the fuck, who cares) to ground on the spot (no script, just his attitude problem (mwah i love him) and pure spite)

again, he burned him to the ground on live television, publicly humiliating riko with each and every word

idk bout u but i am so damn sure andrew found out right then n there that this bitch radiates top energy for fucking sure (or, in his words, isn’t spineless)

neil committing arson via verbal attacks is just---splendid. absolutely mesmerizing. flawless. truly inspiring. gamechanging. glorious. 

he’s so rude i love him

anyway )

two) neil can shut up andrew up without having to touch or kiss him. he can leave him speechless. with just his words. 

(yes, we know anybody & everybody knows better than to touch andrew but like i mean he wouldn’t have to fight him or whatever) (and he doesn’t have to kiss him to shut him up--though he definitely can--he doesn’t have to because that’s just how fucking powerful he is)

y’all,,,,,are you ready for one of the most amazing lines i believe we all know and love,,,,,

““You have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits."

“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.”

“There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.”

“And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”

Andrew stared stone-faced back at him.

[...andrew had his hand frozen mid-air...(i forgot the rest)]”

if this does not prove dominance to you, i don’t know what to tell you. (HE WAS MERELY SPEAKING AND ANDREW COULD NOT COME UP WITH ANYTHING-- A N Y T H I N G --TO SAY BACK BC IT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK AND HE DIDN’T SEE IT COMING AND THAT’S WHY HE SEES NEIL AS INTERESTING/WHY HE ‘HATES’ HIM SO MUCH BRO I)

hOweVeR

i know that dom bottoms exist (i think so, anyway) or bottoms that radiate top energy/the position (i.e. bottom,top) energy you radiate can be entirely different from what position you really are/are comfy with and that these are just words but that brings me to my following point,

three) (#1 insitgator, he, oh yes, neil josten, yes indeed) his unexpected (and to be frank, quite thrilling) acts of asserting dominance ?????? um ????

(when they were kith kithing next to the kitchen (next to kitchen) in neil’s dorm room) “[neil felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and against the wall it was obnoxiously loud. he already knew it was his daily countdown, but he already knew how much little time he had left. he didn’t need to reminded, especially now...andrew took it out of his back pocket and offered it to neil, pulling away from his mouth. neil took the phone from andrew’s hand and threw it across the living room, not taking his eyes off andrew. andrew watched as the phone bounced off the couch and onto the carpet. neil kissed his neck in attempt to distract him and was rewarded by a startled jolt which was enough reason to do it again. and even though andrew pushed his face away, they were close enough for neil to not miss how andrew shivered.]” 

b r o ,,,,,,,,,,,, bro,,,,,,it just--

(when they were alone in the bus otw to that one away game--belmonte, i think?) “[“i wonder when coach found out about this,” neil prompted. 

“there is no ‘this’.”

“i wonder when coach found out you only want to kill me ninety-three percent of the time.”

neil retraced his steps and had a moment of realization. before andrew left for easthaven, neil had told andrew to trust him and not ‘neil’. 

“it was before you left,” neil started... 

“coach doesn’t believe what other people want him to believe, he believes what he sees,” andrew replied...

“are you going to tell them?” neil was referring to the rest of the team, and this was up to him, whether they’ll be out or not. 

“i won’t have to. renee says the upperclassmen are betting on your sexuality.”

neil knew that matt mentioned that there were bets on about him, but he didn’t know it was about this.

“it’s a waste of time and money. they’ll all lose. i’ve said all year that i don’t swing and i meant it. kissing you doesn’t make me look any of them differently. the only one i’m interested in is you.”

“don’t say stupid things.”

“make me.” and with that, neil grabbed a fistful of andrew’s hair and pulled him in.]” 

dude,,,,,,,,,he can take control,,,,,he can,,,,he can lead, too, but he follows andrew’s because he’s a good boy and he knows how important it is. he improvises and uses what he has and takes control from there. dude. dude. 

three) honestly? i think andrew likes it. neil’s unexpected acts of confidence,,,kinda leaves him on the edge of his seat yk,, like doesn’t it increase his percentage? it does, right? cuz ik it did when andrew guided neil to touch his chest and neil emulated andrew’s words, “i won’t be like them. i won’t let you let me be.” (i love them bye) but liek,,,,yeah idk andrew liking neil’s neck kisses/fetish kinda tells me he likes it so maybe this isn’t concrete evidence particularly but i’m still including it because andrew’s a switch, idc what anyone says, 

four) i lost my train of thought but i ran out of reasons--on the spot, anyway--so i might come back to this if i do but just to make it clear:

andrew minyard is a switch. (it just takes time, like a lot, but it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily impossible/never gonna happen.)

neil josten is a switch. (he respects andrew’s boundaries and doesn’t push him, he’s fine being guided, but it doesn’t mean he can’t take the initiative himself (and i forgot to mention it but re: when he asked andrew if he doesn’t like to be touched in general or if it’s a trust thing + many more times, before & after their first kiss, i believe, my brain is just empty rn) and i just think that deserves more recognition)

so !! 

(this post is a mess, (i always am but today’s just worse) i know, and i’m sorry)

in conclusion,

let neil top andrew !! they deserve it !! 

(not that vice versa is bad, but this isn’t either, yk, just saying. also, i hope this isn’t too late to say in the post, but i do not, i repeat, i do not, intend to pressure any content creator--fic writers, fan artists, editors, &c--to create content this particular way only,,,,okay,,,gotta make that unequivocally clear. and i’m not saying andrew topping neil is bad or overrated, because i know that when it comes to them, sex in general would take some time, especially neil topping andrew, but i think they deserve that freedom, yk. again,,,,this is just my personal opinion. no insisting statements here, just wish for freedom to speak my mind, that is all. also feel free to interact if you agree/disagree or both !! i’m willing to hear anyone’s comments or thoughts or whatever !! i hope i’m talking to a brick wall here ahah) 

bro brain poop rn

anyway

tl/dr: bro let neil top (not necessarily on top, but that works, too--either/or--or both, if y’all dare ;DD (kill me) (but like srsly) (let neil top) (plz) :))

(also somewhat off topic but might anyone have access to some fics in which consist of neil first getting andrew off ??? i randomly remember it from ms. sakavic’s extra content page and i would like to see what the fandom offers, if y’all don’t mind)

im so mean and insistent on my aftg-related opinions now that i think about it

whoops

[colbybrocksmolder]

Awkward Boner – Colby Brock x Reader

“COLBY!” The group yelled. He was over at Heath’s house with Sam, Brennen, and Jay to film a video and hang out.

The premise of the video was simple. Answer a personal question or pick a dare out of the hat. Colby had admitted to a few things, but the last question made him tap out. He jokingly had darted from the hotseat, jumping the little wall and running down the street to avoid picking a dare.

“GET BACK HERE YOU PUSSY!” Brennen had yelled after him, the rest of the group laughing.

He had good reason for fearing the hat full of dares. So far Heath had to shave part of his head, Sam had to wax an entire leg, Brennen committed to getting a small tattoo that said “yeehaw” and Jay…Well Jay had to send a not so modest text to the girl he liked.

“I don’t wanna!” Colby whined, sitting back down in the hotseat.

“Pick a dare, bitch.” Heath mocked him, holding the hat forward.

“Please be easy, please be easy, please be easy…” Colby whispered, opening the folded piece of paper. “FUUUUUUUCK” He whined, passing the paper off to Sam before dropping his head to rest in his hands.

“Get both nipples pierced. May take them immediately out.” Sam read out loud.

“That’s not THAT bad.” Heath said, teasing him.

“Yeah, you’ve got tons of piercings and tattoos already. You might even like them.” Sam agreed.

Colby just shook his head back and forth, his chin resting on his fists. “When do I have to do it by?” he asked, looking at Heath.

“I don’t post for another week.” He answered.

Colby nodded. “I’ll call my piercer, Y/n. She was going to change Jake’s jewelry out this week anyways.”

The video ended and the boys finished hanging out. When Sam and Colby headed back to their apartment building, Colby stopped by Jake’s.

“Come in!” he heard Jake yell after he knocked. Colby walked in the apartment and dropped down onto the couch. “You okay?” Jake laughed. “You look like someone stole your puppy.”

Colby sighed. “I had to pick a dare in Heath’s video and I have to get my nipples pierced.”

Jake gave him a funny look. “That’s nowhere near the worst thing you’ve ever had to do for a video.”

“There’s just a little issue.” Colby blushed, turning to stare at Jake.

Jake scooted away from Colby. “Why do I feel like I don’t want to know what you’re about to tell me?” He laughed.

“You know what, fine. I’ll go by myself.” Colby huffed, standing to leave.

“COLBY! I’m kidding!” Jake reached out, grabbing his arm. “When have I ever actually judged you or outed your shit?”

Sitting back on the couch, Colby let his head drop into his hands. He told Jake his “secret” but it was so muffled he couldn’t understand him.

“What?” Jake laughed, seeing Colby so embarrassed. When he didn’t immediately repeat himself, Jake continued. “Dude, you know like ALL of my embarrassing shit. This can’t be THAT bad.”

Colby rubbed his face, turning to look at Jake. “I said, I get really turned on when ANYONE touches my nipples. If I have to sit through Y/N cleaning, and touching, and pinching, and poking my nipples…Dude, I’m gonna get a hard on. I know it.”

Jake busted out laughing and ended up inhaling his own spit. “Fuck.” After about a 30 second coughing fit, he took a deep breath and giggled.

“That’s what you get for laughing at me.” Colby finally cracked a smile, knowing that even though he was legitimately stressed out…this shit was pretty funny.

“This is karma, brother.” Jake laughed. “You said you were going to ask her out like 6 months ago. Maybe if you had nutted up back then, she’d already have seen you with a boner.” Jake barely finished his sentence, busting a gut all over again.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.” Colby sighed, laughing. “I have to just tell her, right?”

“I mean, unless you want to surprise her with it.” Jake answered.

Colby grabbed one of Jake’s pillows and whacked Jake in the face with it. “Jake!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He laughed, yanking the pillow out of Colby’s hands. “You guys are friends, dude. Just talk to her about it. I’m sure this is nothing compared to the weird shit she sees in her shop.”

Colby’s eyes went wide. “That’s true.”

Jake’s appointment wasn’t for a few days, but Colby wanted to drop by and talk to you ahead of time and just get everything out and in the open. “Hey, Jack.” He said, shaking one of your piercer’s hands. “Is Y/n here?”

“Yeah, yeah. She’s just chillin’ in her room. Do you have an appointment?” he asked, reaching for their book.

“Nah, I just wanted to talk about a piercing I’m getting later. She knows I’m stopping by.” Colby answered.

“Oh, just head back, dude. You’re on the friends list. I’m gonna lock the door soon, though, so make sure you let her know to lock it after you leave.” Jack instructed.

“I’m on a list?” Colby asked, a bit shocked. The two of you had hit it off, but he was still always nervous around you. He didn’t think he’d made that great of an impression.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s like our “safe” list. Like, if we’re here early these people are allowed in the shop. Or like, this is the list of people we’re allowed to answer questions to. Like if you called and asked if y/n was here, normally we don’t answer that. We tell them we’ll have her get back to them and get their number, but this list is people we trust.” He tried explaining.

“Oh, rad. Good to know.” He smiled at Jack and walked to the back where your office/piercing room was. “Y/n?” he called, walking into the dark-ish room.

“Flip the light on.” You called from your piercing chair.

Colby slid his hands over the wall looking for the switch. When he found it, he flipped it on. “You okay?” he asked, seeing you cover your eyes. “Did I wake you up?”

“No, no. I just have this killer headache. This is day three of this monster.” You answered, your hand reaching back over your shoulder to rub the muscles in your neck.

“Damn, can I get you anything?” Colby asked, moving to sit on the other chair.

“Sadly, no. I think I’ve tried everything there is to try. I may go get a massage tomorrow. Jack said it would help.” You answered, sighing. “What can I do for you, though?” you smiled over at Colby.

Colby’s cheeks turned red pretty instantly, remembering why he was there. “I have a compromise.” He shyly smiled. “I’m going to massage your shoulders and your neck for you so that I can ask you this really fucking awkward question without having to look you in the eyes.” He laughed.

You laughed, giving him a confusing look. “A really awkward question, huh?”

Colby nodded, biting his lip and closing his eyes. “The most awkward, y/n.” he laughed.

“Hell, I’m not going to say no. First, there’s no way your question is as awkward as you think. Remember, I’ve pierced A LOT of body parts.” You stopped to make a dramatic face. “Second, my head is killing me and I’m willing to try pretty much anything at this point to make it better.”

Colby stood and flipped the light back off, walking to stand behind you. “I’ll start at the beginning I guess.” He said, his fingers starting to work the knots out of your muscles. “I was in this video….” He continued telling you how he ended up in this position.

“Ooo, getting your nipples pierced is one of those ones that hurts decently bad when you’re getting it done, but people absolutely love having once it’s healed.” You commented after he had gotten to the part with the dare. You let your head fall forward, feeling Colby’s thumbs start to work up the back of your neck into your hairline. “You should do this for a living, by the way.” You practically moaned.

Colby’s mouth went dry hearing the noises you were making. “Yeah?” he asked, his fingers continuing to knead your tense muscles. “Is it helping?”

“Definitely.” You answered, reaching back to move one of his hands back to where it had been a moment ago. “Dude, whatever you did right there…it immediately helped.”

“Like this?” he asked, digging his fingers into the tight tangled muscle.

“Colby.” You moaned, feeling the pressure that had tormented you for days slowly dissipate.

“Y/n, I can’t ask you awkward questions if you keep moaning my name like that.” Colby teased, laughing. On the inside he was freaking out. He had shown up to tell you his worries about embarrassing himself in front of you and it turns out he was about to do it before you even got to the piercings.

“Oh yeah, sorry.” You laughed. “Honestly, this feels better than any sex I’ve had in a long time, so the moaning makes sense.” You joked. Well, you said it as a joke. It wasn’t really a joke. “Why are you worried about getting your nipples pierced? The aftercare is pretty easy, honestly.”

“If that’s the case, you’re sleeping with the wrong people.” Colby laughed. “And it’s not the piercing part I’m worried about. Or the aftercare. You always make sure to take care of us with that stuff. I’m worried I’m going to…” He hesitated, his fingers pausing in their movements.

“Colby?” You encouraged him to continue.

“I’m worried I’m going to embarrass myself. If that makes sense.” He said, his fingers slowly starting to move again.

You sat there thinking for a moment. “Do you mean…Are you just really sensitive there?” you asked, wondering why he was so worried.

“You could say that.” Colby chuckled out. “Combine that with the fact that my piercer is this beautiful, funny, dare I say sexy individual…”

“You think Jack’s sexy?” You teased him, thoroughly enjoying how nervous Colby was.

Jack walked in the room, flipping the light on. “Did someone say I was sexy?” he asked, making a weird face.

You laughed, hearing Colby laugh behind you. “Are you locking up, Jack?”

“I am indeed. I’ll see you tomorrow!” he said, turning to leave. “Do you want the light off?” he turned back to ask.

“Nah, leave it on.” You answered, watching Jack leave. The two of you heard the bells ring on the front door, indicating he had left and locked up.

“Your head feeling better?” he asked, his hands still rubbing circles into your muscles.

“Insanely better.” You answered, reaching back and grabbing one of his hands. “I think I need to pay you back.” You said, climbing off of the piercing chair. “Lay down.”

“What?” Colby asked, his eyes going wide.

“Come on. You’re worried about this and it’s going to stress you out all week. Let’s just do it now.” You encouraged.

“Fuuuck.” Colby groaned, tossing his head back. “So, this isn’t going to be awkward? You aren’t going to ban me from your shop or anything?” he asked, forcing a laugh.

“Silly boy.” You said, adjusting your piercing chair to lay back. Patting it so he’d lay down. “Ditch the shirt.”

When you turned to sort through your supplies, Colby reached down and adjusted himself in his pants. Between the moaning, giving you the massage, and the anticipation of you piercing his nipples he was already sporting a half chub. “At least tell me I won’t be the first person in your chair to get an awkward boner.”

That made you snort. “First, if a piercing turns you on, more power to you. You’ve chosen the right piercing.” You laughed. “Second, there’s nothing awkward about a half-naked, turned on, Colby Brock laying in my chair.” You turned to smirk at him.

“I can’t tell if you’re saying that because you believe it or if you think I’m a weirdo and you’re trying to put me at ease.” He laughed, laying down in the piercing chair.

“I’m shocked your buddy Jake hasn’t outed me yet.” You laughed, grabbing the supplies and putting them on the tray next to the chair. “He caught me checking you out last time you were in and asked me if I liked you.”

“WHAT?!” Colby practically yelled.

“See, now we both have a reason to feel awkward.” You laughed, grabbing his shirt from him. “You still want to go through with this?”

Colby looked down at his now very obvious bulge before covering his face with his hands. “Y/n, I think my answer is obvious.”

You looked down, happy with the answer. “In that case…I have a few questions. Are you single?”

“Very.” He quickly answered.

“Do you like me?”

Colby smirked, looking you up and down. “I wasn’t lying when I said my piercer was beautiful, funny, and sexy.”

“Do you just want to sleep with me, or do you want to date me?” You asked, your eyes wandering over his naked torso down to what looked like an impressive package hidden within his black skinny jeans. When you looked back up at his face, he wore a soft smile.

“I would love to date you.” He said, his cheeks once again turning pink.

Looking at his blushing face, you couldn’t help but smile. You leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek before moving your lips to his ear. “Then do you want to have a little fun with this?”

You could hear Colby’s breath catch, his body shivering and little goosebumps appearing across his flesh. “Jesus, I’m actually going to come in my pants like a 13 year old if you keep doing stuff like that.”

You breathed out a silent laugh, connecting your lips with his. “See, if we did this my way, you wouldn’t be coming IN your pants.”

Colby nodded his head quickly, leaning up to connect your lips once more in a quick kiss. “I’m in.”

Slipping on your gloves, you grabbed the alcohol wipe and cleaned the first nipple. “I’m going to pierce this one first so you can get used to the feeling, okay?”

Colby moaned when your fingers brushed the alcohol wipe over his now hard nipple. “Okay.” He started dragging his fingers up and down the skin of his stomach.

“You weren’t lying when you said you were sensitive.” You teased, pinching his other nipple between your fingers with the alcohol wipe.

Colby had to stop himself from arching his back away from the piercing chair. “Now you see why I was so worried.” He laughed.

You grabbed your pen and marked where the piercings would sit. “Sit up for a second so I can double check that these are straight.” He sat up gingerly, trying not to rub himself against his jeans, his legs hanging off the side of the chair. “Perfect.” You said, approving of where you had marked his skin. “These are actually going to look gorgeous on you.” You smiled up at him.

“I’m glad you approve.” He smirked. “You know, since my hope is that you’ll be the one seeing and touching them all the time.”

You pulled your gloves off, knowing you’d have to put fresh ones on before you opened the needle. You moved to stand between Colby’s knees. “I think I like the sound of that.” You said, your lips grazing his ear and your hand cupping him through his jeans.

His forehead dropped to rest on your shoulder. “I told you what would happen if you kept doing that.” He groaned.

“Lay back.” You laughed, backing away from where he was sat. “Nothing special for the first one. I’m going to use the forceps to pinch it, I’ll run the needle through, I’ll remove the forceps, and then I’ll slip your jewelry through.” You said, putting on new gloves.

Colby took a few deep breaths. “Okay. I’m ready.” He said, staring at the ceiling.

“One…two…three…” you pushed the needle through his skin.

“Y/n.” Colby moaned, his head slamming back against the cushion.

You removed the forceps and let him chill for a second. “Can I switch the needle for the jewelry?” you asked, smirking down at him.

“Yeah.” Colby answered, his breaths coming out ragged. “I’m so glad Jack went home.”

That made you laugh. “Probably for the better. He would have wanted to watch.”

You switched the needle for the jewelry and screwed on the tiny steel ball. “Is it done?” Colby asked, looking down at his freshly pierced nipple.

“That one is.” You answered. “Now for this one…” you pinched the flesh of his other nipple between your gloved fingers. “I’ve got other plans.”

“Fuck.” Colby groaned, moving his hand over his bulge to try to relieve some of the pressure.

You leaned down and kissed Colby. “Unzip your jeans.” You instructed, pressing kisses across his exposed collarbone. “Now touch yourself.” You said, standing back up to watch him.

“Re…really?” he asked, his hand hesitating in his boxers.

“Colby, pull yourself out of your boxers and touch yourself.” You repeated, pinching his unpierced nipple.

“Fuck me.” Colby moaned, his hand moving to jerk himself closer to his already close orgasm.

“I’m going to do the same thing for this nipple, okay?” you grabbed the forceps and placed them in the right position on his nipple. “Don’t stop moving your hand.” You said, going to count down to the needle.

“Y/n, I’m already gonna come.” Colby cried out, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Perfect.” You grinned, pushing the needle through his flesh.

Colby threw his head back, his hand rubbing himself through his climax. When you went to switch the needle for the jewelry, he nearly cried out.

“That was honestly the hottest thing I’ve ever seen happen in this room.” You laughed, ditching your gloves and grabbing a damp paper towel to clean Colby’s now sticky stomach and hand.

Colby laid there, trying to catch his breath. “Just in this room?” The two of you laughed.  

“How are you feeling?” you asked, leaning down to press a kiss against his lips.

As you went to pull away, Colby’s hands moved to cradle your face. He held your lips against his, deepening the kiss. When he finally broke the kiss and sat up, he kept his hands on your cheeks. “That was, no lie, the most intense thing I’ve ever felt in my life.” He quickly pecked your lips with his before removing his hands and tucking himself back in his jeans.

“Just wait a few months. Once they’re healed, you’re open to a whole new world.” You smirked.

“Jesus, I have to wait months before we can touch them?” He asked.

“I’ll show you how to clean them, but yes. You want them to heal well so you can have fun with them after.” You explained.

“Damn. Looks like I’ll just have to play with yours until mine are healed, then.” Colby teased, his hands resting at your waist.

“Oh, mine have been healed for years. You can play with them all you want.” You agreed.

Colby groaned, pulling you back into a kiss. “I didn’t even know you had yours pierced. You’re introducing me to all sorts of new things.”

“Want me to take a picture for your friend’s video?” you asked, enjoying the lazy kisses you and Colby were sharing.

“Yes, actually. That would be perfect. I’ll make sure he puts your shop in the description, too.” He said, posing in front of a mural inside your shop so you could take the picture.

“I got a few so you could choose.” You said, handing him back his phone and putting away your piercing supplies.

“Hey, Y/n.” Colby moved to stand behind you, his hands once again finding your waist. “You’re really going to let me take you out, right?” He asked, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I really do want to date you.”  

You let out a soft laugh. “Of course. I really did tell Jake I had a crush on you.”

“I was supposed to ask you out like six months ago.” Colby replied. “I was just a massive pussy about it.”

You turned, making sure not to hit Colby’s piercings. “I can think of a few ways you could make that up to me.” You smiled up at him.

“I think you should write them down with my aftercare instructions.” Colby teased, leaning down to connect your lips. “Better yet, come to my place and show me. I want to make sure I get this right.”

[wreckofawriter]

I Don't Love

Pairing: Sirius Black x reader

Word count: 7,392 (Woah)

Warnings: Alochal, smoking, talk of sex.

Request: Hiii! Could I request a Sirius x reader imagine where the reader is like the girl version of Sirius. She wears her own leather jacket, and she’s basically a heartbreaker. Like Sirius, she doesn’t really believe in love, she believes in lust and attraction. Until She meets Sirius and starts falling for him and she’s super confused bc she’s never felt love before and Sirius starts falling for her and he’s confused cus of the same reason and it’s just super cute and fluffy 🥺

A/n: A few things: Number one. I am so incredibly sorry that this took me like 2 weeks to write. I had some pretty shitty crap go down and it just sorta fucked with me and I couldnt write. Number two. This is a little less fluffy than I wanted it to be but it still has a fluff ending. And Number three. To all the people who have sent me requests. I am going to start writing regularly again now so, I will probally have one out at the end of the week and another out around sunday or monday. Thank you so much for you patience.

    You had officially decided that there were two types of boys in this world. One would scream and yell at you when they realized you were only in it for one night, while the other would beg for a chance that you were never willing to give. 

               Conor had opted for the latter.

“Y/n, please” He begged, his eyes were wide and pleading, he was desperate. Desperate for you to stay, he just wanted a chance. 

    You sighed taking a large swig of your coffee, it was too early for this shit. “Conor how many times am I going to have to tell you, it was a one time thing.” your voice was monotone, as if you were bored, which was quite honestly the case. Have the same conversation over and over again tended to do that to a person. 

    “Please y/n, I swear you wont regret it. Just one date.” The Huffelpuff begged, he gasped your hand in attempts to gain your attention. He did not succeed. 

    You let out a stiffened groan, the conversation had become increasingly frustrating, the fact that most of the school was listening in on the exchange of words definitely didn't help. “Conor,” you spoke slowly, praying that he could get the information you were about to give him though his thick skull. “Friday night was fun.” you watched his features brighten, his sky blue eyes filling with momentary hope. “But that's all it was, Friday night and fun, so please leave me alone, you're giving me a headache.” 

    You heard the gasps and felt the glares, Conor was popular, he was also nice, and from what you heard extremely sweet. So as he slunk away from you head hung, tail between his legs, you could feel a good dozen people glaring daggers into your back.

    “Note to self: dont fuck popular people.” You mumbled quietly knowing you would never follow through with the rule. 

 You looked back down at your eggs rolling your eyes when you heard an all too familiar voice shriek in rage. 

    You along with everyone else in the hall turned to a furious Marlen Mckinnion who was practically dragging a smirking Sirius Black from his seat. 

    “You son of a bitch!” She shrieked, tears of fury and sadness leaking from her cheeks. 

    “Well my mother is a bitch.” He shrugged a cheeky grin pulling his lips apart. 

    She shrieked again, making you grimace. 

You tunned out of her pathetic argument and opted your attention to the book resting at the bottom of your bag. You were about a chapter in before you got sidetracked by Marleens redicoulsly high pitched blubbers. 

“How could you!” she sobbed behind you. God she was so loud. “You knew how I felt and you still fucked another girl!” 

You weren't sure why but this sentence made you snort. You attempted to muffle the giggles slowly evolving to laughter, but they poured passed your lips like an overflowing sink. Those close to you gave you angered looks, but you didn't care, you received enough of those already. It didn't take long for Marleen, to halt her reckless cries and turned to you with a fiery rage. 

She left Black standing where he was, her attention now focused purely on you. 

“What do you think is so funny y/l/n?” She hissed tears still sliding down her flushed cheeks, her mascara  trying her face into an angry blackened mess. 

You snorted once again “I'm sorry.” You wheezed out unable to contain your laughter, “I don't mean to offend you or anything,” You lied not even bothering to trap your giggles anymore. “It's just…” You burst into another fit.

The hall had gone quite, they wanted to see what was going to happen almost as much as you did. “You're telling me you actually believe that he cares what you felt?” 

He face flashed with surprise, you heard a few fellow Slytherins and even a couple Ravenclaws let out short bursts of laughter.

“How dare you!” She screamed, her voice shaky, hands bawled at her side.

“Look, it's nothing personal.” You shrugged calmly, "It's just ridiculous for you to overreact every time he sleeps with someone else. What did you expect?" You could feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on you, they were thirsting for chaos, something about the way Marleens face twisted at you words made it seem like there was a strong chance of their thirst being quenched. 

"Maybe I expected him to actually give a shit about somebody for once in his miserable life!" She yelled turning around to see the dark haired boy biting his lips to keep in a laugh. "For him to actually love me the way I loved him." 

You scoffed rolling your eyes, "You don't actually believe you were in love do you?" 

"Of course I do." She hissed back tears still leaking from her blackened eyes, she had now taken a few steps toward you 

"Love is bullshit. And if you belive you were actually in love with Black after sucking his dick once, than you just as stupid as you look." You smiled sickly sweet at the girl as she began towards you, her wand suddenly clenched in her right fist. 

"You worthless WHORE!" Her voice rang clear through the hall.

You didn't move, you didn't even flinch because the second she raised her wand it was flying from her hand landing in Avery's, who then muttered a spell that froze her feet into the ground. 

You sent him a cheeky smile and a wink before gathering your things and standing from your bench. You stood in front of the girl, just out of her reach. She was shrieking and crying and over all just a mess. 

"Salazar, your pathetic." You murmured in disgust. 

She yelled something at you couldn't understand, not that you cared to, you were pretty sure it involved the words slut and whore multiple times. 

"Well I best be off" you smiled, "As said in Shakespeare's Coriolanus, Act 2 Scene one, 'More of your conversation would infect my brain.'" And with that you turned on your heel and left the room, green robes billowing neatly behind you. 

A few days past, and as much as you tried to hide it, your world collapsed. Of course this had nothing to do with Marleen or any of her prideful, idiotic friends, this didn't have anything to do with school at all.

It had to deal with your home. You had officially decided that being pure blood sucked. Your whole life had been planned out for you and you didn't want to do even one thing on the pre planned timeline of your life. 

The first thing directly after graduation was marriage. 

You had been attempting to put this one off the longest, you were definitely not the type to settle down and start a family. In fact the idea made you gag. You didn't even like the commitment of a date, let alone of a marriage certificate. 

So when you mother sent you a letter containing a list of names. Your heart sunk to the floor. 

The top of the letter read, "My dearest daughter, as you know you are set to be married soon after graduation. Many young men have asked for your hand, me and your father picked the best of the best for you to choose from. I hope all is going well." And then a list of 11 names, some you had never heard of and some, you sat next to during your meals or studied with after class. 

The thought of marrying any of them made you feel empty inside. You didn't love any of them and you weren't sure you would ever be able to love any of them. 

But you said it yourself, love is bullshit.

This fact didn't stop you from being pushed into a dark hole by your mother's words. She wanted an answer by Christmas break, and hell, you hadn't been able to make a stable decision since you received the letter. 

It started with a party after Slytherin beat Hufflepuff in quidditch. That also happened to be the day you were sent a reminder of your impending doom. So alcohol solved all of your problems for a couple hours and you woke up in the bed of a Ravenclaw you didn't recognize. 

The next day you had an exam you failed which resulted in a mental breakdown that left you dehydrated with a migraine. 

You had downed seven Advils and passed out on your bed by eight. 

The next day your headache had progressed, you had taken an absurd amount of medication to ease the pain that day, you ended up in the locker rooms with a Gryffindor beater.

And now here you were already a quarter bottle deep of firewhisky staring at the list of names scrawled neatly on the tear stained parchment gripped tightly in your hand. 

You glared down at the grounds so far below you, wondering what it would be like if you just jumped. You wondered who, if anyone, would actually care. You wondered if Marleen and her bitchy friends would laugh, you wondered if, some would say you deserved it. They probably would. 

This brought a bubbly giggle to your lips, before the bottle you were holding drowned them. 

You glanced back down at the list. So far you had crossed out two names you would never marry even with a wand held to your neck. 

One was Lestrange, the other Malfoy. The thought of their hands touching you, lips on yours, made you gag. 

You glanced back down at the list circling your current top choice, you would have to do some research on the names you didn't recognize, they must go to a different school. 

You brought the cool glass of the bottle back to your lips, sighing slightly at the burning taste it brought with it. 

You let a few more tears slide down your  cheeks, one dripping lazily off your chin, you watched it disappear into the dark grounds below. For just a second it shimmered in the moonlight appearing to be a drop of pure silver, before it disappeared into the night.

You let out a heart broken sob before letting the stars see the bottom of your bottle. 

Just then you heard a short cough. 

You turned to see Sirius Black, he was adorned in a pair of black ripped jeans a queen t-shirt matched with his signature black leather jacket.

You glanced down at your own appearance, black skinny jeans, tares in each knee, white t-shirt that read "Fuck Off" in black letters and of course your signature black leather jacket. 

He so seemed to be eyeing your appearance. Yiu suspicions were confirmed when he spoke, "I see you've copied my style y/l/n." 

"You wish," you laughed, "I'm pretty sure your the one copying my style." 

He rolled his eyes before walking to your side and staring down at the shimmering of midnight dew on frosted grass. 

"What is Sirius Black doing alone up in the astronomy tower at night?" You asked curiously, offering him your bottle which he took, downing a quick swig, grimacing slightly. 

"I could ask you the same." He huffed glancing at you, taking in the wetness of your cheeks and red tinge in your eyes. 

"Well I asked first." You pointed out before glancing at him as he brought the bottle back to his lips. 

Sirius shrugged passing the liquor back to you. "I guess I just needed some alone time." 

"Guess I ruined that, didn't I." You smirked lazily. 

"Nah," Sirius sighed waving your comment away with his hand, "I didn't have a fire whiskey anyway." His smile was dopey, his hair drooping in front of his stormy grey eyes. 

You let out a giggle, taking another swig from the bottle. 

"So why are you up here." He asked teasingly. 

You grimaced taking another sip. 

Sirius waited for a response for a minute but as he watched you avoid his gaze he realised you weren't going to answer. He sighed sadly, "Come on, you gotta be drowning something with that shit." He motioned to the bottle your lips were closed around. 

You chuckled lazily, "Myself I guess." 

He let out a snort, something you've never seen him do, you simply assumed it was the alcohol getting to him.

Sirius glanced at your paper and before you could whip the list away he gasped.

"Why is my brother on your list!?" He asked in alarm. 

You said nothing feeling tears reach your eyes, the last thing you wanted was someone you barely knew knowing what was slowly tearing you apart. 

"And why is his name circled!?" 

You cringed tears pricking your eyes, Sirius glanced at you, flushing a bit at your glassy eyes, you weren't one to show emotions, seeing you smile alone was a rare opportunity, that was if you only counted sincere grins, not deadly smirks. But crying, he couldn't recall seeing you crying or hearing of you crying from anyone, he figured that you had about the emotional range of a teaspoon. 

But here you were tears sliding solemnly down your cheeks, moonlight causing the drops to shimmer like rare gems. 

"Is this some sick kill list or something?" 

No response, just tears, leaking silently from your deep y/e/c eyes. 

"Because if you mess with him I swear-" 

A choked laugh escaped you crimson lips, your tongue swiping some lipstick from them. "I'm not going to hurt you brother." You then handed him the note and turned, your back facing the window you were gazing from and sliding to the floor. 

Above you Sirius eyes widened as he read the note left by your mother before processing the list below. 

He glanced down at you, your mascara was leaking slightly from the corner of your eyes, your hair was a bit tangled, your hand wrapped around the neck of your bottle as you brought it to your lips, leaving a bit of deep red lipstick on its rim. He recognized the look on your face. It was completely vacant, despite the tears, no emotion lived in your features. 

Your eyes blank and staring, mouth a straight line, not turning up or down. Your whole face was simply empty. Sirius remembered seeing that face in his mirror after he received a letter from home. And he knew that you felt how you looked. Empty.

He sighed, sliding to the floor beside you. Your long black nails came to your face furiously wiping at the tears on your cheek, refusing to meet his eye. 

"I know this doesn't matter to you but 11 guys wanting to marry you is pretty good." Sirius shrugged attempting to lighten your mood

You emitted what was either a sob or a laugh, he couldn't tell, "There were more, my mom cut out the ones that she didn't think were 'acceptable'" you made air quotes with your hands. 

"Damn." The Gryffindor huffed, "What does the circle around Regs name mean?" He asked he didn't want to push you but he had to know. Because for some reason, he didn't want it to mean what he thought it did. 

You fidgeted with the end of your jacket, leaning your head back against the rock wall behind you. "He's my top choice." You mumbled, blushing a bit, another thing that Sirius had never seen you do, even when your sex life became everyone's life. 

Sirius cringed, feeling dread soak into his bones and fill him to the brim, the idea of the y/h/c in front of him marrying his younger brother made him sick. "W-why?" He stumbled lightly over his words as they seemed to get caught in his throat. 

You finally met his eyes, they seemed to swirl with different shades of grey like a hurricane with a black eye. 

"I don't know." You voice was rough, sounded like it was a tap away from breaking, "Hes nice, polite, attractive. He's not a complete perv." 

Sirius now wore a sly smirk, the corners of his lips curving up neatly, "You think Regulus is attractive?" 

You rolled your eyes, "Yes, of course I do, jawline like that don't grow on trees." 

Sirius let out a barking laugh, you could feel his shoulder shake beside you. 

You exhaled loudly rolling your eyes again before handing the bottle to Sirius. He glanced at the almost empty bottle than back at you eyebrows raised in a silent question. 

You shrugged, "High tolerance." 

"You know that isn't good right?" 

"No Black," you drawled sarcastically, "I'm as stupid as you are."

He smacked his hand to his chest and mimicked a shocked expression you felt your eyes roll instinctively in their sockets. 

He dropped the act and chuckled finishing off the bottle with a final swig. "So if you think my brothers hot, where does that leave me?" 

"God Black, don't you think your head is big enough already?" You inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

"Humor me." He smiled pulling out a pack of smokes. 

You took a cigarette, holding it out for him to light, "Fine, yes you are extremely attractive." 

He flashed a set of pearly straight teeth, the warm orange light from his lighter reflecting from them as he lit the smoke you held out to him. 

"How bout me?" You asked after taking a huff and watching as the smoke from your exhale trailed away. 

Sirisu hummed in confusion.

"You know, humor me, how attractive am I?" You asked nonchalantly.

Sirius suddenly felt color rise to his cheeks, he hoped you would blame it on the alcohol. The truth was no girls really asked him what he thought. Well that's a lie, they ask if he thought they were pretty all the time. Asked if he thought they were good enough. But never like this. They all cared, they would burst into tears if he answered wrong. They would hate him for an answer and love him for another. 

But not you. You didn't care in the slightest. He could have said he would have rather fucked a lizard than you and you would have shrugged and continued with the conversation. And something about that made Sirius flush. 

"Well? Don't tell me I'm that bad." You giggled, although your tolerance was high, the alcohol was definitely getting to you. 

Sirius quickly gained back his charms, "My dear y/n, trust me you are gorgeous." 

"Thank you." You smiled suggestively adding a wink that made Sirius stomach fill with wings. 

There was a long pause, the sound of crickets and small frogs chirping faint in your ears. Smoke drifted from the room as a crisp chill filled the air. 

Finally Sirius spoke, "So your really gonna marry my brother?" 

You cringed at the word marry scratching at your wrist nervously, "I guess so. What other choice do I have?" 

"You could leave." Sirius muttered putting out his cigarette on the wall behind him. 

"No I can't." You all but whispered.

"Yes you can y/n, no offense but your parents are assholes, you don't need them."

"No Sirius!" You yelled voice loud and echoing off the open room, "I can't." Your voice had dropped once again, your words almost inaudible."I can't." You repeated face once again empty of emotion. He watched in horror as you put your smoke out on your own skin. He could hear it sizzle in protest for just a moment before the small orange glow disappeared. 

"Why?" He asked annoyed, "What are you scared?" 

"Yes!" You shouted. Sirius' eyes widened in surprise and for a brief moment fear as you turned toward him in anger. "You wanna know why I can't leave? Because last time I tried to leave I almost died!"

Sirius eyes filled with guilt. His annoyed look turning to one of pity. 

"You think I haven't tried to leave? I have! The second my mom mentioned marriage I packed my bags! But when my mother and father caught me trying to sneak out they used two of three of the unforgivable curses on me to get me to stay!"

Sirius winced, feeling the pain from far away memories returning to him. 

"So I can't leave. They'll kill me. I know they will." 

Sirius said nothing. He simply sat staring straight ahead. You expected him to say some inspirational bullshit or just tell you to go for it, but he didn't. He just handed you another cigarette and lit it for you. 

Your face had been sucked of all signs emotion except for one tear rolling slowly down you right cheek. It had cooled from the midnight air and now felt like a drop of ice slowly melting down your warm cheeks. 

You could feel the alcohol slowly affecting you as if it was finally catching up with you. You could feel the rational parts of yourself drift away and just then it was occurring to you that you had been irrational since the long haired boy walked in. You turned towards him, head fuzzy, stomach buzzing, and he turned to you. 

Your eyes locked grey staring into y/e/c as y/e/c stared into grey. You blinked twice, attempting to make a decision. All you could think about was how empty you felt. How much you wanted to feel something. Sirius could do that. He could make you feel something. Something. 

Your lips connected with his sloppily, your nose bumping his, as you dropped your smoke, hands connecting with his hair as he fought for dominance in your mouth. You didn't taste anything but fire whiskey and cigarettes, nothing different than what you tasted of. His tongue explored your mouth as Sirius pulled you onto his lap. You felt his hands roam your body enjoying they pressure they held on your hips as his lips passed down your neck. Seconds before your memory fade to black, you remembered thinking how much different Sirius' hands felt on your skin than anyone else. 

You woke to a familiar sight. Well by familiar you mean unfamiliar, but unfamiliar had become familiar to you. You could feel a warm arm wrapped around your bare waist, your head pounding behind your eyes as a bare chest pressed to your back. 

You could also hear whispers. They were hushed and quick, you could only make out a few words.

"How did he-" a pause of mumbles 

"That's so-" more incoherent words, "I mean what about the…" the murmurs sunk to low for your ears to pick up. 

You opened your eyes slowly opened, you turned to see three boys who you recognized immediately staring at you. They all flushed realizing you were awake but before they could speak you brought your finger to your mouth. 

"Be quiet." You hissed dangerously, wincing at the sudden stab behind your head. 

They all nodded slowly, wide eyes trading for confused ones. You slowly slipped from the bed, doing everything in your power to not wake the boy sleeping next to you. 

You let out a sigh of relief hearing Sirius snore quietly, something you found yourself thinking was adorable. You turned to see the three boys staring at you in awe, shot them a smirk as you gathered your clothes sliding on your panties and bra. You could feel their eyes follow you around the room, honestly you didn't mind in the slightest. 

You turned after grabbing your jeans they were all bright red, James smirking as the other two refused to meet your eye. You felt your lips twitch into a wolfish grin. 

"Enjoy it while you can boys, this will be the last time you see it." 

James let out a hearty laugh as Peter looked away Remus blushing amazingly red. 

"Except you." You pointed at the werewolf "You might see this again." You winked as he sputtered for words.

You slid on your t-shirt snatching your jacket from the ground. "Hopefully I'll see some of you again very soon." you winked, eyes locked with Remus as he grew impossibly warmer. 

You then walked promptly from the dorm room, earning a few glances, but you didn't care, you walked swiftly to your own common room, muttering the password and entering. A few first years looked up before whispering to each other. You rolled your eyes heading to your dorm. You were greeted by a pissed off pair of deep brown eyes adorned in yellow robes.

"You said you would study with me this morning!" Harper scrolled you. 

"I can still study!" You fought back, calling on to your bed.

"Please." Your friend scoffed, "Your hung over and what ever boy you got back from fucking is going to wake up and look for you." 

You laughed, "Please." 

"They always look for you because your too pussy to tell them you only wanted to get laid."

"Trust me this guy is not going to look for me." You assured her as you stood rummaging through your things for something to dull the pain in your head. 

"They always look." Harper said with a roll of her eyes.

"This guy won't." You promised tossing back some advils you found.

"Is he dead?" She asked sarcastically. 

"No." 

"Then he'll look for you." She stated matter of factly. 

"Look its Sirius Black he's not going to look for anyone." You sighed, and for some reason this realization brought you nothing but pain. The idea of him not caring hurt. But you weren't sure why. It's not like you cared. 

"You slept with Black?" Harper gasped.

"Yes" you rolled your eyes, "Half the school has done it, it's not that big of an accomplishment." 

Harper let out a magnificent laugh, "That's true. Now come on, if you can study, let's study." 

It was in your firm belief that Sirius would not look for you, talk to you or even mention you, but boy did you wish he would. As you walked down to the library you found your self craning your neck to catch a glimpse of his glossy black hair or his dashing grin. But you saw no such thing, he didn't care. You reminded yourself, and neither do you.

You had run into the younger Black brother though. He had greeted you and Harper politely despite the Hufflepuffs half-blood status. He had even carried the books you had been struggling with for you. He walked you to the library sharing a small conversation before heading to breakfast.

"Are you gonna choose him?" Harper asked, "He gives off like a mysterious, proper sorta vibe."

You darkened slightly at the memory of choosing your betrothed, making Harper regret her decision on topics of decisions, mumbling an apology. 

You waved her off, "I don't know." Your awnser was honest, you had no fucking clue. 

"Well, I think Black is a pretty good choice, he's nice, he's polite, not to mention really hot." She shrugged attempting to lighten the mood. 

"Yeah he is." You hummed thinking of a different Black. 

Harper didn't miss the distance your eyes held. Something was up with you. Not just the shit with your family but something else. 

But before she could ask a booming voice called out your name. 

Both girls turned to meet eyes with four boys. Two hanging back slightly as the other two headed straight towards your table. 

"They always look." Harper mumbled beside you, but you couldn't hear her over the rushing in your ears. Your heart began to speed as the pair of grey eyes you had looked for this morning shined brightly at you. 

"Yes, Black?" You asked casually as if you didn't feel like suddenly throwing up. 

"Left quite early this morning." He sneered playfully plopping into the chair next to you. 

"Well your snoring woke me." You lied turning back to your work attempting to ignore the pressure his stare held on you. 

"Also gave the boys quite a show." He shrugged, "Didn't know you were into Remus." 

You ignored Harpers confused glance and Remus' flushing face behind you. 

"Please." You scoffed, "We all know I'm flirty by nature." 

Sirius felt his heart squeezed, he really didn't mean anything to you. Who cares you didn't mean anything to him. "I guess we do." He huffed feeling suddenly overwhelmly sad. He glanced up at you, your y/h/c hair framing your soft face, y/e/c eyes glinting your pretty pink lips pulled to a lopsided grin. God how he wanted to feel them against his skin again. 

"Is there a reason for your visit?" You asked impatiently, not liking the queasy feeling that his presence gave you. 

"Oh, umm y-yes." Siriua stumbled on his words. "I have your jacket." He shoved the leather jacket he was holding at you. "I think you have mine." 

You flushed, "Oh, sorry, it's in my room. I can go get it I'd you-" 

"Its fine." Sirius assured you, placing his hand on your shoulder. The touch felt electric, like a spark that will set off a bomb. Sirius eyes roamed you landing on the dark marks he left on the open skin on your neck. You bathed in crimson when you noticed where his eyes lingered. 

"Sirius!" James voice brought him back to reality. The boy removed his hand from your shoulder and snapped his eyes back to your own. 

"I'm, I'm sorry." He stuttered scratching the back of his neck. 

"It's fine." You smiled weakly. 

"So um I'll, I'll just go." He tumbled banging his knee as he stood, he swore as James let out a barking laugh. 

"Wait what about your jacket?" Harper called after him.

"Just bring it to me whenever." He spoke hurriedly, he needed to get out of there. 

You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding when he exited the room. 

Harper looked at your eyebrows raised.

"What?" You asked attempting to turn your attention back to your essay. 

"You're blushing." She pointed out, "You never blush." 

"I am not blushing." You huffed angrily even though you could feel your face glow. 

"Yeah sure." Harper drawled eyeing you skeptically.

"I'm not!" You exclaimed.

"Totally." She said narrowing her eyes. 

"Stop saying it like that!" You shouted.

"Like what." 

You let out a frustrated whimper grabbing your things and heading for the doors. "I was not blushing!" You added quickly before retreating to your common room, cheeks still burning. 

The next week was weird, it was like someone had flipped a switch to make you like everyone else. 

Suddenly you became awkward and clumsy, you blushed and stuttered when you were nervous. It was all so strange and awkward and it was all because of him. 

Sirius Blafk had done something to you. You didn't know what it was and you did not care for it in the slightest. Every Time you saw him you hated the way you looked. You suddenly began to wonder if your makeup was too dark or if your hair was too messy. When you passed him in the hall, you felt your throat close and your stomach do flips. 

In charms you couldn't focus anymore. He was alway right across from you laughing with his friends and playing pranks on Snape. You were now constantly biting your long nails, something you had never done before, you had begun to find your mind wandering subjects you didn't want it to. It was if you had lost all control of your thoughts. And you had. 

Sirius found himself in a similar situation. Suddenly your image planted itself into his brain and your voice rang in your ears. He saw you everywhere. The more he tried to get you away from him, the closer you became. He had become moody, everything would make him feel something, every little thing made him fight with an emotion, he wasn't accustomed to so much ... feeling. It was like someone had turned into a fourteen year old girl. It was terrible. To make things worse you were always with someone else, something that made him feel unexplainable fury. Every Time he saw you giggle with Avery or smile at Diggory his heart would clench, pausing slightly before he continued on, his mood soured. To make things worse Regulus never seemed to leave your side. He was carrying your books to class, sitting with you at meals, studying with you in the library. Why did Regulus get to do all that? Why did his little brother get to bathe in the light of your smile so often? That wasn't fair.

The rest of the marauders had noticed the long haired boys sudden mood changes. They had first though he had just had a bad day, but when a day stretched to a week, they had grown concerned. Remus was of course the first to identify the cause, with James lost in emerald eyes, and Peter busy being about as observant as a brick wall, it was pretty much his obligation to do so. He noticed the way Sirius's eyes lingered on you, how he soaked in your form as you passed in the corridor. He saw how Sirius would glare at boys you spoke to, specifically his little brother who seemed to be near you at all times. It didn't take the young werewolf long to put two and two together. Upon his new discovery, he began to pay more and more attention to you. 

He noticed how you avoided Sirius at all costs, he saw the way you blushed when Sirius laughed around you. He also caught you staring across the charms room at the long haired boy when he wasn't paying attention. Everything you did confused him. Because while Sirius seemed head over heels, you either hated him or loved him. It was hard to tell. 

But it wasn't for Harper. She knew you were in love with the older Black brother the second he walked into that library. You didn't even have to do anything. You simply looked at him and she could tell. It was like some alarm going off in her head, telling her what was up. When Harpet first realized this, she attempted to tell herself that she was wrong, it was silly, you didn't 'love'. But then she watched as you blushed and watched and avoided, and she knew you were deep in it. Harper was terrified to bring it up with you. She knew that in a way you already knew, but if she brought it up, made you truly realize, things could get ugly. 

But she couldn't wait any longer. You had to see what was in front of you or you would only get hurt. 

So now the burnet Hufflepuff, paced nervously in your dorm waiting for you to come in. She had a plan in her head, but it still didn't change the fact that she was a nervous wreck. 

Most people would constantly tease their friend if they believed them to be in love, but with you love wasn't an option, you had obligations, not feelings. In fact, you didn't even believe in love. You treated it like some superstition. It wasn't real to you. Not like she could blame you, you were going to be forced to marry some guy you definitely didn't want to at age 17, your parents the same way, and their parents and their parents and their parents. It was a never ending cycle of loveless life. 

Harpers frantic thoughts were interrupted by a loud thump. The girl turned to see you ditching your bag on the floor and huffing to your bed. You fell on to your mattress blankets ripping slightly like someone had tossed a pebble into a smooth lake.

"You okay?" Harper asked cautiously. 

You sat up meeting the pair of green eye scanning you in concern. "Marleen is such a bitch." You stated beginning to pick at your nails. 

"Can't disagree with that." Harper chuckled, "What she do now?" 

"She said I was Sirius 'sloppy seconds' which makes literatly 0 sense. And now she's pinning after him again." You seethed angrily.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" 

Harper's plan just crashed through the window. 

"What?!" You exclaimed."In love? With who? Black!? Never!" 

"Y/n/n, it's not a bad thing to be in love." Harper spoke calmly attempting to soothe your fury. 

"I'm not in love! Love is bullshit!" You had how risen from the bed, your hand clenched into fists beside you.

"Y/n I see the way you look at him I'm not blind! You love him! You get all flustered and weird around him, and I know you know what's going on, you just are too scared to admit it." 

"I'm not scared of shit. I know who I am and what I feel and I'm going to tell you this one time. I. Don't. Love." 

"Everyone loves y/n!" Harper heaved, her eyes desperate for you to understand. How could you not see what was in front of you. But she knew you were blinded by fear. Fear of what most craved. 

"What the hell would you know about love?!" Your voice echoed off the stone walls of the small room, reminding Harper of a jail cell. 

"Clearly more than you!" She huffed back anger sewn delicately into each word she spoke. 

"You will never know more than me you worthless HALFBLOOD!" You spat the last word of your damaging sentence as if it were a bitter taste you were attempting to ride your tongue of. 

Harpera eyes flashed with fear. Not fear of some asshole who you had to kick the shot out of, not of Malfoy, not of one of one of the  boys who had suddenly become aggressive in there chase after you. But fear oif you. She was afraid of you.

The fear left her eyes and was replaced by fury and disgust in a second. Harper walk straight to you practically shaking with rage and she slapped you across your face. You gasped head turning from the impact of her hand. When you turned back she was already practically out of the door. You felt tears slip from your eyes and you shrunk to the floor clutching your cheek. 

It wasn't the pain that hurt. Well it was but it wasn't the pain from the slap. It was the pain that the look in Harpers eyes sent through you. It was the pain from the momentarily fear that ripped through her. It was the pain of you realizing you had just lost your only true friend. 

Your body shook with sobs, the force of your tears making breaths hard to gather. Suddenly the door to your dormitory burst open. 

"Holy shit y/n/n."

You could hardly hear the voice over the echo of your own sobs. But soon a pair of arms wrapped slowly around you lifting you slowly from the floor. You buried your face into the cloak of the boy who now held you in his arms. You took a sharp breath of alcohol and smoke, with an undertone of chocolate.

(Well fuck I hit the word limit. Click THIS for Ending.)

Taglist

@accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @songforhema