#but we cant go to sleep when we went to sleep the previous day because our circadian rhythm (and thus our whole body clock) is 26 hours long
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lunarflare64 · 10 months ago
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*starts getting snappy and grumpy*
*checks the time, its the end of the day*
Fuck you
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drchucktingle · 9 months ago
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POUNDED BY DR. GLOBUS
wanted to post today about recent health journey of chuck. ALL STARTED at texas show when i began to feel tightness in throat. i have learned this is called GLOBUS which is a tingler character name if ive ever heard one. got through appearance and had blast but felt terrible
plane journey home was even worse. first thought i strained my voice, then tested for covid (negative) and then figured it was just some kind of virus. had running nose and hoarse and extreme pain behind face and MOST of all this golf ball throat
figured i would get better as viruses tend to go but I DID NOT. after a few weeks went to way of urgent care and they took one look and said you have EXTREME FORM OF ACID REFLUX called laryngopharyngeal reflux (also great tingler character name)
basically this is when your stomach acid comes all the way back up into your throat and erodes it. they immediately put me on medications name of pepcid plus tums plus gaviscon and on and on. was inhaling a dang pharmacy every morning
problem is, NO CHANGE. in fact it started getting worse. in addition to previous symptoms i now couldnt keep any food down. upset stomach all the time. could barely sleep. plus it is scary to have a sickness that gets WORSE over time like this
more doctor talks. i up doses of medication to combat sickness but does not seem to work. one night wake up and think 'dang i need to go to er my stomach is going to just melt or something' (keep in mind because i cant keep food down i am always hungry too).
i go to hospital and they say 'WHOA we need to intervene right now we are doing some tests and putting you on SERIOUS LIFE CHANGING MEDICINE. but here is catch to do the tests we need you to stop all your medication for 48 hours and it will be HECK but you gotta do it bud'
so i stop all medication in preparation for new SICK LIFE and suddenly… i start feeling better. not just a little but after weeks of this awful way i wake up in ONE DAY and feel fully cured. now heres twist: at the same time this was happening I started taking allergy medicine
you may already know where i am going with so i will just hit you with it. my INITIAL SICKNESS was just extreme seasonal allergies that required nothing more than claritin and flonase. however i was misdiagnosed with ACID REFLUX and medication was making my stomach a wasteland
the second i stopped taking acid reflux meds and started on allergy trot i was better almost instantly. today i feel HECKIN GREAT. (SIDE NOTE: after 4 years of chronic pain i am so thankful to not have some OTHER long term health trot to deal with. DANG)
so what is lesson here? first of all please do not think this is in ANY WAY anti-doctor rant or anti-medicine. my doctors were trying their best and made a mistake, they are just people. ALSO while acid reflux medicine made me sick, allergy meds made me better. i am SO fortunate
but what is REALLY fortunate is that chuck is covered under SWEET BARBARAS HEALTH CARE (she gets very good coverage under the frozen lake). most artist buckaroos, even WILDLY successful ones, do not have health care which is huge issue that should be talked on more.
point is EVERYONE should have healthcare. this whole adventure was bad, but it also only cost me 50 dollars. hundreds of thousands of other buckaroos would have to deal with this PLUS it would completely upend their life to cover medical expenses because of a SIMPLE MISTAKE
so that is my story, usually there is more of a lesson to these rants but this one is really just ‘dang what a trip.’ so grateful for my health and my way and the fact i can get simple allergy medicine over the counter. most of all THANKFUL FOR MY BODY it is such a treat to exist
thank you for reading and remember to advocate for yourself and your feelings both BODY and MIND at the doctor. listen to your trot and do not forget that LOVING YOURSELF AND THE SYSTEMS OF YOUR BODY proves love just as much as loving others. trot on buckaroos
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krylng · 7 months ago
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love at first sight~chapter 5
|TW: arranged marriage, bad vows|
summary: your mother has planned the whole wedding. will it go according to her plan?
notes: i have never been to a wedding before. if some things are inaccurate, that is why.
previous
next
———————————————————————————————
tomorrow was the big day. you had to go home for the day, since your mother needed to make sure you would be prepared. she wrote your vows for you, and told you what to say and when. it was all a nightmare. your controlling mother taking control of your own life.
sometimes your father would defend you, but this time he agreed it was time to be married.
“but mother, im eighteen still! isn’t he in his thirties?” you didn’t want to marry an older man.
“who was that man from VoxTek? you wanted to spend your life with a 24 year old man?”
“mother, i love him! he’s younger than Tristan, isn’t he in his thirties?”
your mother shook her head in disbelief. she continued making big plans for the wedding, while you zoned out, thinking about Vox.
you had fallen in love with Vox, and you hoped he felt the same. you’ve experienced so much together. he was your first kiss, your first time, and most importantly; your first lover.
your mother grabbed a box with a familiar logo. you thought you knew what it was. it was a swirl with a V inside it.
“here we go. i paid a woman to make the dress. her name was Velvette, i think. anyway, she’ll be there.” you stared at the dress. it was beautiful. she really did know a lot about fashion, because it was the best dress you have ever seen. you wished you didn’t have to marry him though. it would ruin the dress for you.
your mother wrote down notes for her plans. “why don’t you go to bed? busy day tomorrow.”
you sighed, obeying your mother. you locked the door, since you slept with the door locked. you took off your top, and grabbed your pajama shirt. you heard a thud on your balcony. you still had your bra on, but you dropped the shirt and peeked out.
you felt something grab your hand.
“Vox! you scared me,” you catch your breath. “how did you find me?”
“that’s not important. now, may I please come in? it’s kind of cold out here.”
“yes, of course.” you move so he can walk in. he closes the door behind him and locks it. he closes the blinds.
he takes his shirt off since he usually sleeps shirtless.
“i came here since it’s kind of hard to sleep without you.” you smiled, and crawled into bed with him in your normal position. you on the side, using his chest as a pillow, and his hand resting on your back.
you slept so good next to him.
“i’ll leave at around 6 when your still asleep.”
“oh… alright. what’s your plan for the wedding?” you were curious, since he told you he had a plan.
“well, my dear, i cant say since there may be someone listening in. lets just say, you have to follow my lead.” you nodded against his chest.
you dozed off.
———————————————————
the next morning, you woke up by yourself. Vox had left early, and now you had to prepare. you noticed a note and a rose on your bed. you picked up the note.
i’ll have you out of there before the ceremony even starts.
-Vox
well, this is going to be easy. you just run off with him.
you walked downstairs, your mother was doing the bills, which had skyrocketed. it was getting hard to pay for the house. there was no time for breakfast.
“go with dad, i’ll be there before it starts. i just have to finish these.”
you went with your father in the car, driving to the church. it was a silent trip. nobody broke the silence.
your dad sent you in a room with a girl with curly hair. she had a swirl of white and pink in her hair.
“ugh, babe, don’t tell me you didn’t brush your hair…” you ran your fingers through your hair, embarrassed that you forgot.
“here we go, i just need to measure you again to see if we need any last minute adjustments.”
she took a tape measure and measured your waist, chest, and hips.
“ohh, darling this is going to look fabulous on you. unless it doesn’t, then that’s going to be a disappointment. but i doubt that, since i make the best clothes.”
you got undressed, and you had to wear a small crinoline.
“ugh, your bitch mother forcing you to wear…that.” she points to the crinoline. “i tried to tell her, we’re not in the fuckin 1860s. if you need any extra adjustments added, just tell me, babe.”
the dress was already perfect. “i think this…it’s perfect!”
“i know, i made it.” she smiled, which you never seen her actually have a real smile. “you look down, is it the dress?” she panicked.
“no, it’s… it’s just this whole wedding, not getting married to the man i actually love. this is just an arranged marriage.”
“ohh darlin, why didn’t you say anythin? i coulda helped you run away, or somethin.”
“no, it’s no use. besides, my…my boyfriend is planning something.” you’ve never called him your boyfriend before, and you didn’t really know if that’s what you were.
“ooh who?” she sat down on a chair. and started to do your makeup. “tell me more about this mystery man.”
“his name is Vox, he owns a Tech company.”
“ohh that bitch. yeah, designed his little wardrobe. close friends though.”
“your friends with Vox?”
“yeah, of course. he’s always coming in to get something fixed, or get rid of some strings. anyway, enough about this Vox guy. since you’re getting married to this famous and rich guy…there’s going to be a cameraman.” she laughed at your worried expression. “i got one of my… sort of friends to do the job. he has a lot of experience. his name is Valentino, have you heard of him?” she puts on eye shadow and then lipstick.
“no, why?” she applies some blush.
“that’s probably good. he makes a living off of filming porn and all that dumb shit.” she applies some mascara. “hold on…” she puts your hair up in a stylish bun and adds the veil. “are you sure Vox has got this? i wouldn’t want someone like you to be forced to marry that snobby bitch.”
“yes, i’m sure. i know he will.”
you heard a knock, and Velvette got up and opened the door. your mother came in. “come on, Y/N, it’s time.”
Vox would be here in a few minutes to do his plan.
your father linked his arm with yours and opened the big church doors. you walked slowly down the aisle. there were so many people. but not Vox.
Velvette nodded at you, like she was comforting you that it was going to be alright.
you walked up a couple of steps, facing Tristan. you both had fake smiles.
the priest read from the bible.
what the fuck? why isn’t vox here yet?
it felt like forever.
Tristan read his vows.
“I will love your body and your curves, i will love how you will clean up after me. i promise to fuck that every day.”
he was sick. was that even allowed?
“Tristan, I will love you until I die.” you looked at the door to see if Vox was coming anytime soon. “I will cherish each moment with you, and i will always put you before me.” those were short vows.
“Mr. Rodger, do you take Ms. Sanders as your wife?”
“I do.” he said with an evil grin.
“and Ms. Sanders, do you take Mr. Rodger as your husband?”
your heart was beating fast. once you said I do, the rings would be put on, and you would officially be married. Vox was nowhere near the church. you couldn’t just wait a few minutes! you had to do something quick.
but what?
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i usually write these fanfics for me to binge read bc idk… but its cool when other people read too
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my-castles-crumbling · 9 months ago
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Hey. I’m not sure if i need advice or if i just need to vent but i’m pretty angry and you’re really good at listening to random people talk abt their problems. (Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes)
So i had to to work the evening shift both days this weekend, and because of my particular brand of anxiety, i cant really do anything leading up to my shift. Like i get super nervous that i’m going to forget abt my shift if i do anything other than scroll through my phone or stare off into space. And then i found out that i’m also working the Monday and Tuesday after this weekend after school. At this point i’m pretty tired and knowing i wont even have a break after school is even worse. So, for my mental health I decided to skip school this Monday.
This is where the issue comes up. My mom was super against me skipping and we had a whole argument abt it. Basically i shouldn’t skip bc i’m “technically” truant, meaning i’ve skipped more than 11 days since school stared and they COULD either send me to court or have me pay a fine. Ik that sounds bad but they almost never send anyone to court or even make them pay any fines and most of my absences are from the first semester so i actually haven’t skipped in a while. Also half of those absences are my mom’s fault bc she forgot to email the school that i was sick or send them my doctors note which accounts for about 5 of my absences. And as long as one of my parents excuses the absence (which my dad is always willing to do) it doesn’t even count towards my truancy. When i tell her this she immediately pivots and says that well if she has to go to work then i have to go to school. Now i’ve always been really big on independence, i’m only an 18 year old senior in l Highschool but i KNOW thats bullshit, She works from home all the time and i was planning to do basically the same thing where i do the majority of my work at home and catch up on sleep until my work shift in the evening. So far this is pretty normal for my arguments about with her. Until i put my foot down and tell her that i’m old enough to have the right decide these types of things for myself and that i don’t think its fair for her to just decide for me. Usually she would relent but this time she threatened to CALL THE POLICE ON ME. I’m not exaggerating the escalation from a regular argument to a full screaming match was insane.
I was just so upset and it felt like she didn’t even see me as person who just needs a break sometimes. I was too scared to see if she would really call the police so i went to school. So, here i am silently fuming in class. I don’t even know if i’ll get through school with how mentally exhausted i am. Thats basically it. Just tell me if i’m in the wrong or over reacting or if i’m in the right. I’m such a mixture of angry and exhausted that none of this might make sense, but whatever. Thank you so much for listening.
Hi!!!
Well, I think there are separate parts to this:
Your mom isn't listening to your emotions. This happens a lot with parents, and it's frustrating. Even though she was making a valid point with the truancy, threatening to call the police and throwing her own (irrelevant) work in your face wasn't the way to do it. I've always wondered why parents think kids are going to listen if they aren't given the respect of the acknowledgement of their feelings.
The entire argument is difficult because, there are layers here. from what you're telling me, your mother is some of the reason you have some of these unexcused absences, because she hasn't done the paperwork. But I also am wondering, how can you even be considered truant if you're 18? And, at age 18, isn't it your decision? I'm confused on the laws here.
Given all of this...would I personally risk skipping school if I was risking truancy? Probably not. But I've always been afraid to get in trouble.
But I feel like that's not even the biggest issue. Can your mom not send the doctor notes to school to get some of your previous absences excused?
Also...the petty part of me is like...your mom is saying she has to go to work...but you have to go to work and school. so that's not an argument.
I feel like your mom didn't handle this well, to be honest. I know she's trying to prevent you from getting in trouble, but there were other ways to do it. I hope that makes sense?
Also, I hope work is going well! I'm naming you school anon.
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butteredteeth · 1 year ago
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TW: Vent
Topics: toxic mother, severe anxiety
So lastnight I was sobbing super hard about feeling like I'm being abandoned by my best friend (not specifying which, I hate doing that) and while I was crying I got all raspy as one does when bawling their eyes out to the point their throat bothers them. So she told me "those noises arent necessary" and that I "cry differently every time I cry". Which is, let me know if I'm wrong, A NATURAL OCCURENCE FOR HUMANS?? Anyways then she kept trying to comfort me after I said I was just gonna leave the room because I didnt even feel like crying into her shoulder anymore and would rather cry alone. So when I finally left I kept silently sobbing, hoping she didnt hear me. And I tried watching South Park for a distraction, barely worked. Did my makeup finally, distracted me really very good but trying to go to sleep was difficult because I am still so terrified I'm going to lose them. So I took an indica 10mg gummy and watched South Park until it kicked in enough for me to sleep. Woke up feeling like shit this morning. My calves hurt, my knees hurt, my arms are sore, my neck is super tense, my back feels like it's being snapped in half with every movement, and worst part? Yesterday my therapy was cancelled so now I have to wait a week to get all of this shit off of my chest and get advice and a good talking about my emotions and irritability. And today we went to the furniture store to get my mom a new chair and previous to that we were waiting for the family buddy to get here, he helps with furniture moving and we rarely see him other than that. My mom tells me to "not be all over him and playing with him like that" when I'm acting like a kid my age should. Only time anyone EVER plays with me, my sisters dont, my mom cant, and anyone else who can doesnt want to or feels like im too old because im too mature. I always say I'm too mature to play and stuff but I do it ALONE that's why. The family buddy practically adopted into the family at this point. Hes like my older brother. Feels like my mom hates to see me play and have fun and genuinely laugh. She did apologize because "now that she thinks about it, its just her insecurity an anxiety about people thinking I'm a brat" which really hit a hard one in my chest because SHE.
SHE.
Used to call me a spoiled brat for having panic attacks, meltdowns, and anxiety. She has always pushed her stress onto me. Never tried to hide it to save my mental health even when I was like six. I let her vent to me, I take care of her, I suggest therapy (LIKE ALL OF MY SISTERS DO) and she just refuses or puts it off because her current therapist isnt the right fit. So now everyones just stressed and all that I soak up and now I'm fucking panicked and shit every god damn day.
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onlyjaeyun · 1 year ago
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sunghoonieeeeeee🤭💕🫣 I can’t believe he went and beat up jaemin like that. I wanna give him a big phat smooch for this despite wanting to hurt him in the previous chapter (it has to be him bro that just makes sense. the hockey bat???😅)
no the way that gave me butterflies that he’s already doing something for her despite claiming to hate her. But like as the story progresses more I feel like I was right and hoonie believes that she’s the one in the wrong. But omg we learnt a bit more about her past and niki today and I rly rly can’t wait till everything unravels🤭
hope you sleep well angel here’s a kiss 💋 for working so hard everyday
🌕
now let's not go and make sunghoon something he's not🤕🤕 (i dont wanna comment)
i think you guys will have several "oh..my gOD??" moments when the reveal happens because once you read both sides so much of their behavior will make sense nd i cant wait to see your reactions 🤭🤭🤭🤭
thank you so much my sweetest love, hope you had a good day and am sending you a big kiss 🥺🤍
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honeytonedhottie · 1 year ago
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About the online guy , first he saw the pic and said that I looked good and then he said that I was chubby. Then he said that his previous crush was chubby too and she looked older than him cos of that.he said that I was giving late replies when I was giving fast ones. he said that he went to sleep. Before he would say that he was awake so that he could talk to me. he left my message on seen. But liked my insta story he did reply to my story and then messaged me today and asked me how I was. I just liked it and left . After this he messaged me again asking why I wasn't replying.I replied. I didn't receive his text first ( the one where he asked why I wasn't replying) . He said that I left him on seen and didn't reply early ( I replied at 12 at night when new day started ) . He said that he was going to sleep. I really cant understand. What is going on ? Can you help me ? I have never dated anyone before or talked to a guy online ? We aren't dating but I need tips . What is happening 😵‍💫sorry for the long paragraph
omg anonie hes doing a hot and cold on you :( its a psychological thing where a person is more likely to like u more or feel attracted to u because of hot and cold. like u said, he'd leave u on seen but like ur stories. thats manipulation, but dont beat urself up for being manipulated bcuz its literally how the brain works, u need to break that cycle tho and i think you'd be better off without someone manipulating you 🫶🏽
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honeybeewhereartthee · 2 years ago
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Crystal Hearts
Prequel PT3: You and Me
➽───Previous───CH11────Next───❥
»»————-  ————-««
"little haku~ why are you staring at space again?" One of the sister of the Oukawa peak at the youngest whos daze while having his phone open beside him.
"Waiting." He mumble with a soft pout.
"Ehh... Could it be your waiting for your friend to chat?"
" Hmm.."
" But don't you say they stopped chatting months ago?"
"... People would do that too. Being MIA for a few months is normal... Some people are busy with their life after all..." He cross his arms. He look at the beautiful bookmark Love-Swan friend give without Love-Swan telling him before hand-- it's a white flower with aurora edges.
His last package with a note, directly come from them.
[ Thank you for liking my sweets and cakes. And being Friend of ai. This is my gift to you.
You can wish anything to this flower. Just hold it and your wish will granted
- M.H ]
"...eheh." he smile as he hugs the bookmark. His older sister can't help but sigh as she look at how hopeless her younger brother is.
"Sigh, young love." She chuckle as she went to her room, leaving the young one be.
"I want to find you, I wish I can find you, even how far apart we are. I wish I can find you and meet you... Ah.. Love-Swan speak like his from another world. I wish I can find you no matter what place or time... even whatnot the universe have!" He always wish for the same thing. Giving a soft kiss to the book mark.
Drowsiness slowly taken over him as he hugs the bookmark, a single tears fall from his eyes from loneliness that his friend might possibly never come online to chat with him again. Even how much he lied to himself.
The tear fall to the bookmark, causing it to glow and become lively, in his right pinky an invisible string slowly become visible and glow beautiful aurora color, a string connected to the sky
...
"I'm gonna go now, I guess." You give a thumbs up to Aira who is being held back by Hiiro, tatsumi and Mayoi from leeching on your leg. "What if you don't go anymore?"
"(ㆁωㆁ)Cant do that. It's the order of the emperor. Aira should get use to it." You pat aira head. " One day, there's bound to be a day you and I well part. I don't want you to be this attached to me at this point because it would only be harder for me." You whisper the last part to yourself as you help aira to stood up.
" We're always sticking to one another, maybe some distance would put our friendship to a test." You point out as he start wailing his eyes out.
" But mc! I don't want to leave you. What if, what if..." You suddenly won't return.. that it be the last time... You did try to do that years ago... I don't want it to happened again.' aira remember when you planned to sleep again so he would live a peaceful life.
His scared, to take his eyes off you. What if you really do it that time his eyes cannot watch you?
"Come on, aira! It's not like mc going to get married in the human world!" hiiro tried to encourage aira. "Or die. "
" MMMCCCCC!! DON'T LEAVEEE HIIRO IS JINXING THINGS FOR YOU!" too bad for hiiro, aira wailing even more from his words.
"Ahahah~ come on now. Back away, back away. Our dear main character have to set on their journey at some point!" wataru appear before you all and pulled you away from everyone. Before aira can cry, his mouth is shut by Wataru magic.
"Shh. We should say our farewell with a smile and not with tears in our eyes!" The clown says as he guide you to the portal. "Now, MC. Remember what I told you about flying ok...?"
" What? I thought nii-tan would joined--"
" Ahahah. You jest me, my dear cousin. Of course you will not escape your flying training! The only way to learn is through harsh training, to experience the consequences of not being able to fly!" he quickly wave his finger in front of you as a NoNo. Your eyes in widen in realization and horror.
"Remember if you hate flying too much, how would you able to learn it?you most Love itself, to learn and it will come to you!"
" AIRA HELPPPPP " you tried to reach out to your friend but alas, wataru is more close to you. "TARUNII-SAN IS CRAZYYUU"
" off you go!" And you were push to the portal. To the sky below, the beautiful night sky of the human world.
"TARUNII-SAN YOU BOOLY!" You cried hopelessly as the portal close but you saw Aira trying to reach out for you. "MC!!!" was his last words before the portal is no more.
As you fall you keep waving your hand around, you suddenly saw your hand have a weird strings connected to it.
"... TARUNII-SAN DID YOU JUST USE YOUR CUPID MAGIC ON ME!" you suddenly don't know what to felt at this moment as Wataru have mangle with something or someone in the human world and use such magic to tie a string of fate.
As you free fall in the sky, you start to think how to save yourself.
"Welp, I guess Ill die." You mumble accepting your fate. 'man... I hope someone catch me...' you thought as you realize falling from the sky sure take a long time.
.
.
.
A certain someone opened his purple eyes and stared at the twilight sky. He suddenly move from where he is, he decided to go out of his house to find Love-Swan and his friend! His sisters notice him leaving but before they can stop him, he was gone.
"Probably in his rebellious stage." The dad said as he sip his coffee." You don't care?"
The oldest sigh. " I mean he probably back later when his hungry. " The dad shrugged his shoulder. "Let him be. Besides his a young kid, he should have known better. At least he would learn now from his mistake in his first love." He added.
.
.
.
»»————- NOTE ————-««
- Wataru is part Cupid Fae. A very cheat like fae type. the reason his a matchmaker is because of this too.
(if want to be tagged pls comment or Send mail) Tag List : @valeriele3 @yinenovica
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bre3zycoins · 2 years ago
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now i can ask YOU set it off for the band ask game >:))
my phone crashed and died when i tried writing this the firat time so now im on ky notes app pre typing this 😁👍
am i a fan?: absolutely 100% all the way baby tride and true
first song i heard: ill sleep when im dead noghtcore.
fave song: this is so hard UGH ok so first off ashely's song is the song ever, the only one of all time. and then some runner ups for that spot are nightmare, id rather drown, third wheel, swan song, dream catcher, actually just all of cinematics, plus hourglass, no disrespect, bleak december, and cordial (i have so many more i could go on about how much i just fucking ADORE this band)
fave album: HORRIBLE KIDS AND CINEMATICS, I CANT CHOOSE ONE OR THE OTHER I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH. i would also like to say that elsewhere was shockingly good. like the first two singles released TERRIFIED me bc they had the tik tok virality structure with the chorus being first THEN the berse. but then i stayed up for the release of whos in control and i was SHOCKED. it really felt like a tride and true set it off song i loved it! it felt like a musical love letter to previous albums especially midnight. then the album dropped and it was really good actually!! i love how they combined an almost glass animals esque aesthetic with their own punk rock one from the previous decade of music theyd released!
fave music video: i dont watch a whole lot of music videos in general, BUT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HOURGLASS
do i have merch?: yes!!1!1! i have the silly hourglass mascot pin, a hoodie, a beanie (that i almost lost in a parking lot after flying over an 8 foot tall fence in a snow tube), n the holy grail: number 83 of 100, set it off bucket hat. all midnight era stuff bc i was like, mega broke when elsewhere dropped n also for upside down era
have i ever seem them live?: NO BUT I ALMOST DID AND IM STILL MAD ANOUT YHAT BECAUSE THE COMCERT I WENT TO AS A COMPROMISE I GOT COVID FROM. the show i was supposed to go to was the day before my birthday n it was in new york and my parents got my hopes all high n shit for a while that we were gonna go n then boom, no we cant. plus i just in general live in a terrible spot for concerts, im super far north like really close to canada and the closet concert hosting city is five hours away in a completely different state so i just dont really get to go to concerts.
fave member: maxx all the way, literal one of two inspirations that kept me drumming n then also indirectly got me into guitar.
this band literally means so much to me i am a twinge crazy me thinks
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lazystudentpeanut · 2 hours ago
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Hiiiii, I saw your previous posts and I just wanted to say that you deserved so much more than the cards you were dealt. You were more than deserving of a happy and a safe childhood and I am so sorry that was taken from you. I admire the strength you have that allowed you to use that pain to better yourself and work towards a real kick ass goal. For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing an amazing job. And I’m proud of you. I know you got this. I really hope you’re feeling at least a little better since those posts, I’m thinking of you 💕
First of all: Thank you so much for reaching out and sorry for worrying you.
Since I posted all those posts I napped again, then I actually went ahead and called my parents. They won‘t stop rewarding abusers anytime soon but they just like to forget how much that shit hurts, so reminding them every once in a while doesn‘t hurt. At least they begin to comprehend how bullshitly wrong it is to punish me for setting boundaries. Went moderately well. Still a fucking tragedy. The whole ordeal was triggered by a casual 2 year old lie being uncovered. What once was „Yeah you know how they are just cant take no for an answer so we took them for the trip“ turned out to be, fucking literally „Yeah we went out of our way to ask them to come with us, since its just so much more enjoyable when they are around“. Pair that with an accidental text that was supposed to go to one of my siblings and… Yeah try to fucking live with that.
My partner however gets extra brownie points for carrying the entire household and all the additional care work today.
Afterwards we decided to go downtown and spend money on some candles, soap and snacks and cooked dinner together. Since he didn‘t get to enjoy his day and I didn‘t get to study due to everything, we challenged each other to pull an all-nighter. I spent like 5 bucks on Infinity Nikki (stuuupiiiiid gotta stop that before it becomes a habit) and set up my desk, again, for school.
Because those picture perfect preppy pupils that live with their parents and a house full of help and their private tutors don‘t sleep and I gotta keep up!! Did you know my entry exam isn‘t graded on my total score but on how well I did compared to my peers? It‘s a miracle the pressure hasn’t turned my brain to diamonds yet.
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headspaceinanutshell · 10 months ago
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When is enough, enough?
I’m not sure how to start this. I feel like I only write on here when something is really wrong. I should stop doing this but am I trying to justify my relationship again?
Today I met with my childhood best friends in the new area where I live. We attended a wedding fayre as my best friend is getting married in 2025.
This morning, I woke up early. As usual and gave my partner a kiss, nothing different to usual. He stirred so I asked him how he slept. He then told me that his foot was bad, and he didn’t sleep. As he suffers with gout, I got ready for my day and went to the shops at 10am, I wanted to ensure he had a healthy breakfast as gout is caused by bad food. I bought punnets of fruit, fresh yoghurt, and baked croissants. I came back to the flat and prepared the food ready for him to wake.
When it was ready, I took his fresh OJ and healthy breakfast up to him. He was still fast asleep at that point and clearly was not ready to get up. I left it on his bedside table.
When my friends messaged me and let me know they were outside, I went up and kissed his forehead and let him know that I was leaving. He then came downstairs with his breakfast and turned the TV on. I was glad to see that he was awake.
I went off to the wedding fayre with my friend. From my previous blog posts, you will know that I was married, and I am now divorced. It was a bittersweet feeling being in that happy environment but of course I would help my best friend. Whilst there, my partner and I exchanged a few messages. All jokey but nevertheless, it was communication.
After the wedding fayre, we went for a drink in a local bar. It was lovely to catch up and just chat about life with a couple of drinks. Long story short, they had to leave at 14:30 due to prior commitments. I texted my boyfriend to ask him if he would meet up with us all for a quick drink. He declined, but in a way that was offensive. I have been with him for nearly 10 months, and he has not met my friend in person once.
This isn’t the first time he has refused to spend time with my loved ones. In fact, this is a huge worry for me as this has happened on multipul occasions where I am left at a family event, with my brothers and sisters with their partners and I am sitting alone. Of course, defending him being ‘Unwell or Tired.’
After my friends left, I messaged my boyfriend and asked him if he wanted to go for a drink together. He said yes and came to collect me from the bar. We went to another place for a drink. He went to take a picture of me and put it on social media, I asked him not to add it as I felt that I had to tell my friends that he wouldn’t come meet us because he had a bad foot. He then asked me why I lied to my friends and just say that he didn’t meet us because he didn’t want to and could be arsed. Obviously, I would never say that to my friends or family, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. As any NORMAL person would. I only do this to protect him. Or even, protect me, from future judgement.
Because I had; had a drink, I confronted him to ask him why he doesn’t often make the effort for my friends and family where he told me that I should just tell the truth. So basically, tell them that he doesn’t want to be around them. How the hell can I sit there and say that?
Now, I’m so torn and so worried. I feel like I’m being segregated because I want to spend time with him. It’s painful, I’m getting lost in all of this. Everything I say, I think about what I’m going to say first, just in case it upsets him and we argue. Things also get turned around on me, like its my fault. How do I get past this. I love him, I’ve moved in with him but my god, I’ve lost myself.
The worst thing is, if we break up, I genuinely feel like he will be fine and just happily move on. I would be the one in pieces. I hold on for that little bit of hope and there’s times where I see it but times when I don’t.
I feel like I’m in a spiral and I cant get out of my own head.
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rabbid-rabbitt · 10 months ago
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i think what my ex did to me is beyomd fucking me over
were both survivors of similar things, except im free and they were still stuck with their family. we knew each other for around 6 months and started dating because one of my parts fell in love with theirs, we fell quickly and many of our alters ended up dating each other passionately but most importantly my system head genuinely trusted them, she wanted to see them free and to spend our kives together. we created a planfor them to leave their abusive family and fly over to us where we would get married so they could legally settle here. my whole family knew about this and were willing to welcome them into our home, my stepdad, mum and i were going to get uo at 4am and drive 2 hours to the airport to pick them up. ny parents who have no obligation to this internet stranger who they have never met, were willing to pick them uo and welcome them into our familt because they saw how much i loved them and MY MUM EVEN SAID WE COULD END UP MOVING OUT SOON!! me moving out was something that was never mentioned before because i cant live alone and she doesnt trust others to take for me. but anyway me and my other partner (who they knew about and were friendly with) and his partner (also now my partner) spent a lot of time and emergy creating an escape plan with all of our knowledge of these groups and general safety information. my system spent hours and stayed up past exhaustion comforting our ex and giving them our whole heart in hopes they will escape and we would be able to live our lives together, we had plans to financially support them until they could legally get a job which would've been rlly hard on our situation but we were willing to do anything to get our FIANCE! YES WE WERE ENGAGED!!!! to safetyn happiness, we found them a therapist which they would aee when they came here so they could start deprogramming properly.
but on the day they were to escape, some things went wrong but we actually managed to them sorted and the airport staff themselves helped them get a direct flight here rather than a layover when they missed their first flight, we had plans to fix everything that went wrong and me and my other partner were by their side the whole time, i was shaking and on the verge of an anxiety attack irl while they were at the airport but after they got their new ticket they stopped responding. they were gone. obviously i thought i would never see them again because yk these groups work that way, fucking hell being shot point blank at an airport would be so much less embarrassing than what they actually did. i was so unwell that night my partner had ti comfort me and stayed up until i went to sleep because he was afraid id kill myself.
while i was asleep my ex talked to my other partner and a mutual friend where they apologised FOR DISAPPOINTING THEM! but when we finally got talking they had to be TOLD to apologise to me for them to actually do it then not even 24 hours after they hurt me so badly (which they coupdnt even explain btw) they asked if i would still marry them and then called my system head being angry at them a punishment over something beyond their control. they called their father to pick them up. they didnt share the fact they had a previous escape attempt that didnt work. they didnt follow the plan we worked tirelessly on and perfected. And had the audacity to be angry at our system head for being rightfully betrayed. they kept guilt tripping and acting like they were the victim until they just straight up ignored us for days, knowing that was an extreme trigger. which lead to a suicide attempt that we had an ambulance come for because my mum was too terrified to drive us to the hospital. now i did lash out at them, but they also said repeatedly to tell them how i feel and called rightful anger a punishment, im not proud of lashing out n i did apologise for it which more than they ever did for fucking us over so badly. in fact several ppl told me that i wasnt mean enough, that i handled it so well for how badly they fucked me over. during pur final talk where i demanded closure, it took them being ASKED by a mutual friend (in the chat to keep things civil) to give a half assed apology. like how are you that bad of a person you cant even apologise for fucking over your fiance who you dreamed of spendimg your life with..
anyway im out of the severe depressie episode they caused me because i had my meds upped but our system head has not recovered and in fact has changed anlot since we last properly saw her shes locked herself away and doesnt trust anyone anymore
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celestialpotat0 · 2 years ago
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Rest in peace, dear Aunt Helene
If i had to describe today in only one word, the word would be brutal.
this past week ive been a mess... i had a doctor appt scheduled on my day off, i was sitting in the waiting room crying mainly about my aunt, then when i went in to see the physician i told myself i was going to hold the tears in. they did an ekg on me, i was relieved that i was allowed to just lay there instead of converse, because it gave me an excuse to close my eyes and tell myself to not to cry. when the md came in and asked me about me being upset because staff members had witnessed me crying in the waiting room, at first i told her it was nothing, i was ok. but she pressed on, and the tears came spilling out. it was embarrassing, i felt pathetic for being emotionally weak.
that night, i tried sleeping but i lay awake in bed for most of the night, stressing about my aunt. and i ended up getting only 1 hr of sleep before i had to wake up for work. the next night i couldnt sleep for a long time again.
i flew home saturday, spent most of saturday and sunday in the hospital with my aunt.
today, i held onto her hand and caressed it, standing by her side during her final moments. it was heart-wrenching to monitor her HR, SpO2, and RR when we removed life support, i.e., extubated. at first she was super tachycardic and super tachypneic... for the next three hours she continued to breathe on her own. her vitals were all over the place. body fighting to survive. watched her become super bradycardic, SpO2 drop and drop and drop, eventually she took her last breath, asystole, HR 0, RR 0.
i believe she was able to peacefully and comfortably go. yes, the body is under stress so the vitals and numbers look alarming af. but i think she wasn't in pain or discomfort. and this is what she wouldve wanted rather than prolonging her life in a way that she didn't want. i described her final hours purely just to say that death in general is so brutal, which is to say that life is so damn precious.
i'm going to miss her. it's so sad that she had the infections. so many memories. she worked so hard throughout her life, was a strong mother, experienced difficult times. i cant believe i wont be able to see her smile again. it hurts. how irreversible death is. but this shit happened and the only way to move forward and heal is for me to become a better person bc of this. Life is short and I'm going to hold my loved ones closer and try to treat them better. This gave me a different perspective where a lot of my previous complaints are so trivial now, and why am i complaining when im alive and not fighting to stay alive. i also just care so little now about things that i used to waste my time on, like social media and clickbait articles.
I also lost my Uncle Eddie and Aunt Helene's husband recently. I hadnt seen either of them since before covid. I wanted to write about those two different events too but i just never got a chance to due to time constraints.
thank you to my friends who moved around times to hang out with me yesterday and today due to me having to be in the hospital. thank you to all the health care workers working on their weekend. to the compassionate angels that are nurses. thank you to people (including my PCP) who listened to me and supported me.
leaving on a trip today and will not have wifi or phone service for this week. part of me is anxious about the fact that my emails will pile up impossibly high and i wont be able to respond to people who email me. but what this experience with Aunt Helene has taught me is that there are certain things that truly matter, and getting anxious about work is just a waste of this precious life ive been gifted.
ive also been nodding off repeatedly throughout writing this so this post very well might not make sense. i have to be up in about 5 hrs and am extremely exhausted from barely sleeping this past week. but i really had to write in here before i went to sleep.
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number1bylerstan · 3 years ago
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very long rant about volume 2 (SPOILERS)
im just going to start out by saying that my hopes were VERY high for volume 2. I couldn't sleep last night because I was just thinking about canon byler. instead what we got was a messy plot and ZERO character development for will, mike and el. I'm going to break it down using those 3 characters. remember these are MY THOUGHTS. also going to to be talking about social media posts also that contributed to the queer baiting.
WILL
firstly, im so over the gay pining trope omg my best friend is straight and he'll never love me back. it's one thing if mil even was put back together this season (it's repetitive and boring and annoying but whatvever) but using a queer person's experiences to further plot lines? a big no no. and even the fact that will's painting was hyped up to be such a big deal and relate to will's sexuality (which the duffer brothers LITERALLY stated in an interview) and it just turning out to be something to help mike tell eleven that he loves her. which if he did, why didn't he say it in their argument where she was literally crying? example number 1 of lazy writing. the coded conversation with Jonathan in the pizza shop was such a let-down. ALSO WHY CANT THEY SAY THE WORD GAY. ITS NOT A DIRTY WORD. and its clear the Jonathan knows but of course they have to keep it discreet and "up to interpretation" for their homophobic audience. don't even get me started on the cabin scene which would have been a perfect opportunity to parallel season 2 and have mike hold will's hand. but of course not. then they had that lame ass shot at the end of all the couples standing next to each other just to hint at the queer audience that "omg this is the byler scene" and then to leave it at that. I mean the cast wasn't wrong when they said we would need time to process what happened after it finished because literally what the fuck was the mess that is volume 2.
MIKE
sigh. what have the duffers reduced his character to at this point. seriously, what point does he serve in the plot other than el's boyfriend? it seems as if the writers love to introduce new characters just to kill them off (rip Eddie) and simultaneously ignore their characters development that has been built up throughout the seasons. the fact that he couldn't say I love you to el in the bedroom when she was crying, but only say it in the heat of the moment when she was almost dead USING WILLS GUIDANCE. this is literally just a repeat of season 3 where he uses all of his friends, but this time will instead of Lucas, to help fix his own relationship. it's like he's not even his own person anymore. it also makes no sense that he would be awkward with will in the airport and argue with him and stuff if he has no feelings for him? he also hugged dustin in the previous episode? like what. im so angry because the writers had the best chance ever to make mike wheeler one of the best representations of internalized homophobia but they took the easy route instead so that the casual viewers and general audience don't riot and say that "it came out of nowhere" he feels like a completely different person than he was in season 1 and 2. lastly the fact that he said it was the best day ever when he found eleven on the DAY WILL WENT MISSING??? fuck you mike, but more importantly fuck the duffer brothers.
EL
im only going to say one thing: the fact that she had the most character development when she was AWAY from mike speaks volumes to me. that's it. why does she need someone so that she can believe that's she's worth something? someone who doesn't treat her very well, mind you
SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS
aside from the Netflix geeked posts, Noah really disappointed me. and before y'all start, because I know one of you will, I know Noah does not write the show. but if he knew we were getting literal minuscule crumbs of byler content, why would he tweet that? it makes no sense. and all of them getting giggly in interviews and stuff. and the fact that Finn and Noah had no interviews together, yet they were in the same plot line? bye.
at this point the only explanation is that the duffers cut content from the episode bc it was originally supposed to be 2 hr and 30 min but its 2hr and 21 on Netflix. so, yeah.
in conclusion, fuck the duffer brothers. fuck Netflix. fuck stranger things. I don't even know if im going to continue posting or being a fan of this show because I am genuinely so upset and not even excited for season 5. this show should've ended at the second season
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babyboibucky · 4 years ago
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Should’ve Known Better
Pairing: EB!Frank x Reader
Summary: You should have known better than to sleep with a friend.
Word Count: 3.3k
Warnings: Smut, FWB set-up, a little bit of toxic shit, angst
A/N: Frank got the most votes when I asked which other Seb character I should write for, so here it is! This is very personal to me lmfao it’s somewhat based on my own experience that really fucked me up a couple of years ago aksncajscna no but for real, stay away from the friends with benefits kind of relationship if you can’t keep shit purely sexual lmao also some guys are just fucking assholes even if they’re your friend lol
ALSO, I tagged those who are in my Everything Bucky Tag List. I’m not sure if I’ll write more Frank in the future too so I won’t be creating a separate tag list for him yet.
MAIN MASTERLIST
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"Do you love me?"
It was a simple question that was supposed to make you think. Given your experiences and your personality in general, you were supposed to cringe and ignore it. Maybe even make a joke out of it, especially that it was Frank who was asking you this question.
He wasn't supposed to ask it too. He wasn't one to ask such thing, not especially with the relationship that the both of you have. It was clear from the get go that this was nothing serious.
So why was he asking it now?
And why did you respond to it right away, as if you knew your answer even before he asked?
-
"Come on, it'll be fun."
You should've said no. You should have known better.
"I'll make you feel good, you won't regret this."
It did feel good, you were going to give Frank that. Possibly the best, even. But the latter part? You weren't so sure. Were you regretting it? Honestly, no.
Maybe not yet.
You'd rather not think about it for now.
"What's there to lose? We know each other too much to develop feelings anyway, you said so yourself."
Oh there's plenty to lose. Maybe a decade's worth of platonic (was it really platonic from the beginning though?) friendship. Your self-esteem was on the line too, but you didn't know it yet. You'll get there though, whether you like it or not.
"I'm free next Friday, come over. Spend the night with me. What do you say?"
You should've said no. You should have known better.
"Next Friday. I'll see you, okay?"
You should've said no. You should have known better.
"Ugh, fine."
But you said yes because you didn't know any better.
-
That first night with Frank was something else. It was fun and he kept his promise to make you feel good. So, so good. You never thought that sex could be that fucking good. At least, not with your previous partners. Not that you had many in the first place.
But god, Frank knew what he was doing and he loved doing things to you. He loved the entire process of knowing your body, what you liked and what you loved. How you liked to be kissed and touched and fucked.
He studied your body like his fucking life depended on it and you let him. You let him own your body because you needed someone to. You needed to feel something, wanted to have a purpose even for just a short while, even if it meant being someone's fuck buddy.
You felt lost for the longest time, but as you laid on Frank's bed with his tongue lapping up your cunt, you actually felt like you belonged somewhere.
-
You weren't a booty call, definitely not. And when things escalated between the both of you, Frank was already single and had broken off with his recent girlfriend, Daphne. You weren't a doormat nor a side chick. Frank had been your friend for the longest time, one of your closest actually. He knew you the best and not just physically. Frank knew the darkest parts of you the same way you knew him like the back of your hand. He was the most open to you, he said so himself.
"I don't know what I'd do without you." he told you one time.
Frank wasn't afraid to show you his true colors; how he wasn't the kind to settle for one or how he would often end up with someone immature or toxic. He himself was toxic and for the most part, you tolerated him.
That was the mistake on your part.
You let him be himself, that's why you held a special place in his heart. Not even his past girlfriends could get rid of you. You were untouchable.
"Are you sure she's fine with us going out?" you asked Frank one time, as the both of you headed to the movies.
He scoffed, "Yeah, don't worry. I already told her you're my best friend. You're off limits." he chuckled as he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you inside the cinema.
"You're fine." he reassured again, this time wrapping his arm around your shoulder and then cradling your head playfully.
-
Looking back, you sometimes ponder whether the friendship was really platonic. You were sure of it when the both of you first became friends; he was a couple of years older than you. You sort of looked up to him like an older brother for the first few years of your relationship. And he was very caring too, always looking out for you.
Your other friends were the first one to notice the closeness. They often told you that Frank seemed to have a thing for you. You brushed it off though, saying that it was impossible.
His girlfriend then was an acquaintance of yours. She was nice and wasn't bothered by how Frank was affectionate towards you.
Indeed, you were untouchable. You were the best friend after all.
-
"We fought again."
You rolled your eyes at Frank as he sat across from you at a local coffee shop near your place. It was your birthday and as always, you spent the most part of it with Frank.
It was like a tradition already, to celebrate your birthday with Frank first before you went out with your friends. Or even family. It was that kind of friendship.
"I'm sorry but who are we talking about again?" you joked.
Frank made a face, "Daphne." he responded. "I just told you about her like, two days ago."
You snickered, "I was kidding. But honestly though, you have to stop flirting with other girls. It's been really difficult for me to keep track of your record, Frank. And are you and Daphne even official?" you asked, taking a sip from your cold brew.
He rubbed his chin and shrugged, "Sorta. Well, we were official two weeks ago. Now though, I'm not so sure. Here's the thing, Daphne can be really..." he said, trying to search for the right words.
You hummed and shook your head, "Immature?" you said and mindlessly scrolled through your phone.
"You should really stop dating girls who are immature, Frank. I swear to god, this is like...I don't know, the fifth time you dated someone like her? Why don't you settle for someone who actually acts her age?" you blurted out.
Frank groaned and transferred to the seat next to you, his body facing yours and his hand landing on your thigh. You didn't mind, didn't think it was too touchy or intimate for someone who was in a relationship. It was pretty common for Frank to be this touchy with you anyway, you never paid much attention to it nor given it any malice.
"We fought because of you actually." Frank admitted with an apologetic smile.
Your head snapped towards him, a scowl etched on your face. "What did I do?!" you asked in defense.
"It was my fault. Daph saw your photo inside my wallet." he said.
"You should really throw away that photo. Jesus, why do you still have it anyway?" you complained.
Frank scoffed, "That's my favorite photo of you. I don't wanna get rid of it."
That was the last day that you considered your friendship with Frank platonic.
-
Come over
I miss u xoxo
Miss eating u out
Miss ur moans, wanna hear them again
You groaned at the continuous notifications that flooded your phone. While you were at work. After that first night with Frank, he had gotten extra clingy. No lies though, it felt nice to be wanted like this.
im free nxt Sat
Yay
Cant wait to see u, missed u a lot
dude, we were at the mall together just last wk
U really dont get attached do u?
Frowning at Frank's reply, you honestly didn't understand what he was implying.
what u mean?
Nothing
Work kept you busy for the entire week, with Frank bombarding you with sweet texts. You've avoided being sweet with him, it felt wrong. You weren't an affectionate person but Frank was, it was sort of one-sided. It wasn't a big deal anyway.
No one from the rest of your friends knew what had become of your friendship with Frank. You just thought it wasn't something that should be revealed. It was like your and Frank's little secret. You had to admit, the thrill only made the sex better.
Whenever the both of you went out with other people, the tension was there and it was fun. It was fun trying to brush off the way Frank's hand would steal touches from your waist, or how he'd subtly squeeze your thigh. The looks you exchanged from across the room; how Frank's "fuck me" eyes were meant for you and only you.
Things like that made you feel a certain type of way. But you never dwelled on it, or at least, you thought you didn't.
-
"Yeah, fuck...just like that, baby."
Frank's fingers dug deeply into the skin of your ass as he guided your hips. You gripped onto the back of the couch as you bounced on his cock, head thrown back from pleasure as Frank suckled one of your nipples. You could feel each of his fingers pressing down against your skin, it's probably going to leave bruises again.
"Frank, shit. I'm close." you panted against the skin of his neck, your arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close.
Frank grunted and took your face in between his palms, forcing you to look at him as he began to thrust his hips upwards, eliciting a high-pitched whimper from you.
"Wanted to see you like this ever since." he breathed out, pressing his lips against your open mouth.
"Wanted you since we met, d'you know that?" he asked, grabbing a fistful of your hair and tugging your head back so he could nibble on your throat.
You shook your head and gripped his shoulders, nails scratching at his skin as you continued to ride his cock, "God, Frank...so close." you moaned.
You felt Frank's lips curl into a smirk against your neck, his fingers gripping your hair to keep you in place as his other hand slipped in between your bodies, finding your clit and rubbing it to help you reach your climax.
Every single time he touched you, you felt like your entire body was on fire. You felt the most alive, the most free whenever Frank fucked you. Maybe because he was truly gifted in bed or maybe he just knew your body and how to make it sing.
Or maybe it was because of the way he looked at you whenever you fall apart for him. Like he only had eyes for you, like it was only you that he could see.
Sweaty bodies and hoarse voices, the smell of smoke and sex lingering in the air. It was such a familiar ambiance by now. You liked how the aftermath of fucking Frank was never awkward, if any, it was a comfortable experience with the both of you just talking casually about how each other's day went.
"So I'm talking to this girl..." Frank said, turning you around so he could spoon you. Oh, the irony of the intimacy and conversation.
"Where'd you meet this girl?" you asked.
"Tinder." Frank snorted before pressing a kiss on your nape. "No, but she's different. I don't know, there's something about her."
You merely hummed in response.
"Think I might ask her out."
The first sting. The first realization. The first denial.
You should've said no. You should've known better.
-
The art exhibit wasn't a flop, but you wouldn't call it a success either. When you got a call from the organizer asking whether they can include your paintings in the exhibit, you said yes instantly. What can you say? You were a struggling artist who was seeking validation.
But now that you stood in front of your works with barely ten people attending the one-day exhibit, you thought that this wasn't a validation. It felt like a wake up call that maybe, art wasn't your calling and that you should probably give up on your dream.
"These are amazing."
You were on the verge of breaking down when you heard his voice. Turning around, you were surprised to see Frank. He was nodding his head as he approached you, his eyes scanning each of your painting.
"What are you doing here? I thought you had work." you asked.
Frank gave you a face, "Did you really think I'd miss out on your first exhibit?" he said and pulled you into a warm embrace.
"I'm proud of you." he whispered before kissing the crown of your head.
One validation from Frank was all it took for the walls to crumble down. He was the one who had been there for you all along and that was why you completely trusted him.
Frank will never hurt you, he'll never bring you down.
Or so you thought.
-
"Do you love me?"
It was a question that was supposed to make you think. But you didn't, because even before Frank decided to ask you that, you already had your answer.
You knew your answer for the longest time now, but decided to lock it into a box that you kept in the deepest part of your heart. It remained there unbothered and almost forgotten, up until this point.
That's why it was so easy for you to respond to it without even batting an eye.
"Yes."
It was too late when you realized that you had just admitted that you were in love with Frank. But you felt like it was the right time for you to bring out the key to that box, open it and just set your truth free.
They said that the truth will set you free, but why does it feel like it only imprisoned you?
"Shit, I was kidding." Frank said, his face panicked and body stiff from your unexpected admission.
Before you could even say something, Frank let out a nervous laugh as he ran his hand through his locks. "Wow, I didn't...are you serious?" he asked again.
It took you everything to brush off the pain, "Yeah, but it's no big deal. Come on." you shook your head and forced out a breathy chuckle.
Frank heaved out a deep sigh, "Fuck, I was messing with you. Are you sure it's fine? I mean, would this change anything?" he asked.
You deadpanned, "No, Frank. It wouldn't change anything. Like I said, get over it. It's not like I'm in love with you. I just love you...if that makes sense? You're my friend." you explained, more like lied.
"Look, it's not like I'm unattracted to you. I like you, I like spending time with you. It's just that I sort of don't see myself committing to you."
It didn't sink in to you immediately, Frank's statement. You didn't pay it any mind because again, you knew Frank. He wasn't one to commit so that was fine, you understand where he was coming from. It's not like you were going to force yourself on him too. But then you accidentally glanced at his phone and saw the messages he'd been exchanging with a certain someone.
When r u coming home?
In a little while, Daph
That night, Frank's statement hit you like a ton of bricks but again, you chose to deny what you actually felt. It's fine.
You're fine.
-
You should've said no. You should've known better.
Those words rang in your ears on the day that you found out. Your body turned cold, your vision blurred and your head spun. You'd never experienced hurt and anger like this, the kind that consumed you.
The kind that made you realized and admit that fuck, you'd truly fallen for Frank only for him to break your heart.
It didn't help that you were having such a terrible day at work. And Frank was so sweet to ask you whether you wanted to meet up with him. Not for sex, but to talk. The sex came rarely recently and was replaced with wholesome trips to the grocery, shit like that.
You knew there was something special going on. Even after he told you that he didn't see himself being with you, there was something.
Apparently, that something was just an assumption. Because when you asked Frank to meet you up that night, he said he couldn't and needed to be somewhere. That he'd meet with you the next day instead, a promise.
But then you saw him post a photo of him and Daphne. And it made your blood boil.
u back together?
No. Not really, been trying to fix it but u know how it is.
if ur trying to fix it with her then im out, frank
Wait what? Hey, are u mad?
r u fucking serious? u knew i love u and u come here parading ur ex, what the fuck is that all abt?
Shit, hey. Look, let's talk later, okay? Im out, will txt u when Im free.
Frank didn't text you back for the rest of the day.
-
You should've said no. You should've known better. But you said yes because you didn't know any better.
Were you regretting it? Yes. Sometimes.
You didn't know which hurt the most, the fact that Frank kept you in the dark while he was trying to patch things up with his ex, or that he considered you his best friend and still chose to break your heart.
He knew you the best, your relationship and trust issues and out of all the people, he really had to be the one to fuck you up the most. You trusted him so much, trusted him not to hurt you. Hell, if he doesn't want to commit then that's fine. But for him to treat you like a second option? Fuck that.
For him to confuse you with his actions, the intimacy...were all of those even real? All the times he came to your support when you had no one, when he was there for you on days you felt alone. What were those? He made you feel so fucking special, like it was possible to actually turn the friendship into something more than just fucking.
All this time you thought it was one-sided because you never actually showed Frank how much you meant to him the same way he did to you. Turned out that it was one-sided, but only because you were the only one who fell.
The following day, you received a voicemail from Frank. You pondered whether you were ready to listen to it but at the same time, you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was pretty stupid, he fucked you up and there was no excuse for that. But the friendship you had with him had a strong hold on you.
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. That was my mistake." he started off. "I thought that this was really just sex and having fun, but I want you to know that I like you. I really do, you're special to me. Please give me a chance to make things right. Daph and I...I want to end things with her. Please stay, I don't know what I'd do without you."
“I just didn’t expect that you’d end up falling for me, I mean shit. You know the real me, how fucked up I am when it comes to relationships. Just please...please stay?”
Did you stay? Sort of. But you kept your distance, didn't meet up with Frank after that and only responded to his texts occasionally. Did he end things with Daph?
He didn't.
He said he would but instead, they got back together.
It was fucking selfish of Frank to ask for you to stay only for him to get back together with his ex. It'd be better for him to just slap you in the face then.
Being told that he couldn't see himself committing to you but then going back with his ex was the cherry on top. God, if that didn't mess up with your self-worth.
You totally stopped talking to Frank, ignored his texts and calls. You stayed away from him, tried to get over him and eventually, you did. But you'd be lying if you said that he never left an effect on you. Because he did, Frank did a number on you and it would take you a long fucking time to completely recover from the damage he inflicted on you.
You should've said no. You should've known better. But you said yes because you didn't know any better.
And that's okay, because there's nothing wrong with taking risks and ending up in heartbreak.
You live, you love and you learn.
-
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chocominnie · 4 years ago
Text
One Last Time 02  —  Pjm. (M)
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⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader
⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst
⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…
⇢ Song : xxxxx
⇢ Previous : 00   01
⇢ Word Count : 
⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!
⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken
⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?
Your eyes shoot open, chest heaving heavily as you let out a blood curdling scream. Not this again. The same dream over and over again each night. It leaves you sleepless. The time on the clock on your nightstand reads 3:04 am. Just only four hours ago is when you fell asleep. But a full night’s sleep hasn’t happened for a year so why would it matter anyways.
Once you catch your breath you unplug your phone from the charger and read some of the notifications. From your window, the night-time critters sing their songs along with the persistant owl that’s somewhere around the apartment complex. You’d only noticed him, the owl, just a few months ago when your cat started meowing with his hoots. 
A missed call from your uncle. 
Immediately you unlock your phone and dial the number. Bringing your index finger to your mouth you gently nip on it waiting for it to answer, The rings are agonizing to you. If something has happened you only wish and pray it wasn’t as bad as you think. He’s the only parental figure left in your life.
‘‘ Princess! Hello I was just calling to speak to you earlier. But I realized you are five hours ahead of me and you had probably went to sleep.’‘
His soothing voice calms your emotions making you let out a tiny breath of air. Thank god.
‘’Hey Charlie.” You sigh. Looking towards your left, you spot Clara purring quietly next to you. You can’t help but to smile while bringing a hand over to rub her head with your thumb.  She’s so small under the shining moonlight from your window.
Her white coat shines brightly amongst her, making you remember the first night you had brought her home. All she did was sleep, and it worried you because you had no prior expierence caring for anything, let alone a small animal. Clara only drank kitten milk and slept back then. Occasionally being awake enough to nip at your fingers whenever you pet or touched her.
Now she’s a bit bigger and walks around the apartment like she owns the place. Quite the little attitude she has, but its too damn cute for you to scold her whenever she does something wrong. 
“ Yes I did fall asleep from after a gathering at someone’s house.’’ You continue on, bringing your knees to your chest after opening the curtain of your window fully.
The moons brightness illuminates the entire room, but not so bright for you to complain though. ‘’ Oh- was it Jimin’s? Tell him I said hell-’’
You bite your lip hard at his name. He doesn’t know and you wont even dare to let him know. Knowing him, your uncle would have a fit and oppose to come back to Seoul to ‘set the record straight.’ to Jimin. That’s the last thing you want to do, cause trouble.
‘‘ It was his brother’s house warming party.” You say, lowering your tone in your voice. You look at the nightstand for a couple of seconds just before opening the top drawer of the wooden, polished piece. Your hands shakily pull out a picture of you two together.
It was taken at  Marne-la-Vallée, France right infront of Cinderella’s castle. That was the day that you and Jimin had to went to Disneyland in Paris, France. You cant help but to think, with the picture in hand, that it was one of the best nights ever. It was also the same night your virginity was taken.
‘‘ Oh.. I know that tone. Are you two arguing at the moment.”
You shrug, “ I mean you could say that.’’
No you cant.
‘‘ Alright alright I won’t talk more of him. Let’s change the subject.” He chuckles deeply into the phone.
‘‘ How’s Europe? Anything new happening on base?”
‘‘ Same old Same old. It’s been what? 2 years since I’ve left Seoul? The food is different over here. They don’t have kimchi pancakes sadly.”
You can only imagine the frowny face he makes at you whenever he doesn’t approve or like something. It always turns out to be funny.
You giggle into the phone shaking your head slightly, “ Of course. You are in Europe Charlie. Where are you getting food from anyway if you are on base?’’
‘‘ I can go off base to a certain mileage when I am off duty. I just have to report back in time. But you do know that you can always come live on base with me...’ He trails off.
Oh boy. Here he goes. He’s always talking about moving you on base with him. Hell, he’s been talking about it since before he had to go to be based in Europe. By then you were twenty years old and old enough to live by yourself. Growing up in Daegu, Korea since you were six, you felt as if Korea was home to you and you definately weren’t ready to leave yet.
Especially, after losing your parents here. Around eight years old, your aunt and mother were on the way to pick up your father from the airport. With your mom and dad also being military and based in Korea with your dad’s bestfriend, your uncle Charlie, your father had been called to take military leave to go and be based in Korea for the National Guard.
On the way back from the airport, a drunk driver had struck the car knocking them off the road and colliding head first into the railing of the bridge. All bodies were reported dead upon collision, including your aunt. Charlie didn’t take the news well at all, and so did you. Only eight years old and still a bit new to a foreign country. It was devistating for you and Charlie. Charlie did what was right and stepped up to be your legal guardian while taking some time off from the military. Till this day, he treats you like his sacred little daughter and you can’t ask for anyone better than him.
 “You are old enough to live on your own and housing is avail-”
You jump at his voice on the line again, being too spaced out from the tragic memory. Before he can go on any longer you cut him off. ‘‘ Im fine with the apartment you left me. Im paying the bills on time and taking good care of it.”
‘‘ Alright fine. But that option is always available you hear me? I will always be ready for you to come with me.’’
‘‘ Okay Charlie” You groan.
‘‘ Alright.. sweetie it’s getting late on this side and it’s already 3 am on your side. Get some sleep okay? Don’t you have a model shoot thingy or something? You have those a lot.’‘
‘‘ Yes i actually do in a couple of hours. It’s been a while since I’ve did a shoot. Please eat and sleep well. Don’t injure yourself.’‘
‘‘ I promise. You promise to do the same right?’‘ He says, rustling movements are in the background.
‘‘ Yes I promise. Good night sleep tight..’‘ You smile as you wait for him to finish the rest.
He chuckles one last time on the other end, ‘‘I’ll always love you, goodnight‘’
Beep Beep Beep
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You in a racy light pink lingerie with white duvets and sheets is the concept of your comeback. It’s supposed to symbolize the “Night After’’. Camera’s click and directors yell and praise you in your subtle yet damaging moves and facial expressions. You want.. no need for this comeback to be successful. Not only did your manager schedule this, but she is making sure that they release this same very day.
Nobody in this company’s industry has ever did this before. But you, you are sort of the special one. The special foreigner as they say. It’s not like you don’t like it but you don’t like that they label you as that. Stylists, employee’s hell even anybody who works there treat you as a princess. It’s not bad, but it’s just weird.
‘‘ One last one. Give me a sexy yet innocent look mama.’‘ Elliot, the director says, smiling wide at you.
You slip a finger into your mouth and do a little pout with your lips.
Elliot busts out into a roar of happiness with his hands clapping furiously. ‘‘That’s it mama yes! That’s just what we needed!’‘
Adjusting his microphone earpiece, he turns around to greet and thank everyone, ‘‘ Alright everybody this concludes our shooting! You all worked so hard today. Make it home safe, eat well.’‘
Finally. You sigh out in relief and close your eyes. It’s been a long day. Almost 6 hours of shooting. Three Videos, and five swap outfits for each session of shooting for the ‘’ Night After’’.  As everyone heads out and starts cleaning up you bow your head slightly and thank them.
A stylist brings you a satin robe to cover yourself in. You thank her and put it on just before getting up from the bed and walking towards wardrobe. Once you are done putting on your clothes, your manager leads you straight out the exit. Outside awaits the car that drives you everywhere. Literally everywhere.
‘‘ Tomorrow somebody has put in a special request for you to appear as the main lead girl in their music video. It’s short notice and I told them I would have to bump some things around and notify you. But they are paying us and you good money to be in it.’‘
Money? Sounds like a plan.
‘‘ It’s fine. Who am I shooting for?’‘ You say, fluffing your hair just a little while inspecting yourself in the rear view mirror.
Your makeup is still intact with no ruins and the contacts they had given you suited you very well. A hazel with a slight bit of teal. Suddenly the car moves off into the busy streets of Seoul. You can’t help but to notice every couple that walks along the sidewalks. They seem so happy, glad to be around each other.
On the floor of the car lies your little mini backpack filled with all of your items and belongings. Picking it up, you begin to dig through it looking for some hand lotion to soothe your semi-dry hands. Once you find it you gently start to squeeze the tube.
‘‘ Kim Namjoon.’‘
You freeze. Namjoon? The same Namjoon from the group? Joonie? It’s been well… a year since you’ve seen him in person. Hell since you’ve seen all of Bangtan Sonyeondan together. Except for lastnight when Hoseok and.. that guy showed up.
You sigh already knowing the answer from the question you are about to ask.
‘‘ From��?’‘ You ask then put the lotion back in your bag. Slowly you rub your hands together to moisturize.
Your manager quickly flips through the daily planner, ‘‘ Bangtan Sonyeodan but this is for one of his mixtape songs.’‘
Thank goodness.
‘‘ That’s fine. What time will the car be arriving tomorrow?’‘
‘‘ 8 am on the dot. You need to be there by 8:30. I’ll be tending to one of my other models tomorrow so you will be alone. I can send som-’‘
‘‘ No no it’s truly okay. I know how to manage things myself. Besides, I learn from you.’‘ You reassure her with one of your winning smiles, laying your head on her shoulder.
‘‘ Aigoo what am I going to do with you?’‘
The day ends very well. The movies you’ve been watching have kept you occupied. But not occupied enough for you to keep crying at all the sad parts in the chick flicks. Breakups, someone had died, someone had even just spilled something onto the floor and that was enough to send you into tears.Only because when the main lead boy rushed to help clean it up, it reminded you of Jimin last-night helping Isabel.
‘’What is going on with myself.’’ You blow your nose into a tissue for what seemed like the thousandth time today. Clara lets out one of her meows beside you then goes back to grooming herself.
You place her onto your lap and begin to run your fingers through her fur over and over again. Such a soothing effect to you as you stare into space sulking in your thoughts.
Why is it that you weren’t enough for him? Why is it that every single little thing reminds you of him? You gave him your all and he gave you his but what happened? Where did you go wrong? Cooked, cleaned, satisfied his needs. You guys had even started to plan out what you wanted out of a family. When you wanted a baby and what you would name it. It was fun. The whole relationship was fun. Right until that scandal.
Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. DI-
You unlock your phone immediately to stop that annoying dinging noise. Not surprisingly it’s a text from Jeon Jungkook.
Kookie : Im coming over I’ll be there in exactly 3 minutes.
Kookie: Don’t think about leaving either.
Kookie: Im bringing someone with me.
Kookie: We need to have a serious talk babycheeks.
You roll your eyes at the nickname he’s given you. No matter how many times you tell him you want him to change it, he declines. There’s no point in asking anymore.
Why would he want to talk anyways and who is the person he’s bringing. Eh.. it might just be Ryan they seem to do everything together as a team.
As soon as you step foot out of your bed the sound the door clicking makes your head shoot up. How in the living hell does he know the password to your house? Rage takes over you. That’s something that you hate. When people invade your personal space. In this case, personal home.
‘‘ Jeon fucking Jungkook!’‘ You scream, abruptly stomping your feet all the way to and out your bedroom door. Suddenly you stop at the sight of the two faces staring back at you.
Jungkook’s expression holds a concerned yet upset face while the other just stands there calm and cool. But you on the other hand are way besides that level.
Your eyes must be filled with rage and the expression on your face is no good. How dare he disrespect you like that? Bringing him into your home, knowing the bad blood between you two. Oh, they both have something coming towards them. You begin to walk to them again making each step make the floor shake.
‘‘ Get out. Both of you. One you invade my personal private home..’‘
You grab both boys by their collars, making sure to grip the one on the right’s harder than usual. ‘‘ Two, you fucking invite him over here.’‘ You drag each of them towards the exit. Which is going good until Jungkook rips your hands away from his shirt and takes you over his shoulder.
You’ve had enough of him and his invasive ways. Pounding on his back with your fists, you make sure to scream into his ear. “ Put me the fuck down Jeon Jungko-”
You hiss at the stinging sensation on your ass. Did he just? Jimin stands there awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. You make sure to make eye contact with him and roll your eyes. Something that always had and will piss him off.
‘‘ Hush. I told you all of us needed to have a deep talk about you.’‘
Jungkook plops your frail body onto one side of the couch in which he sits next to you. He motions for Jimin to come sit across from the both of you but you aren’t having it.
‘‘ Don’t you do it.” You glare at him. Jungkook sighs harshly only to pluck your forehead two times. You whine and rub it with your index and middle finger.
Jungkook shakes his head in disapproval, ‘‘ When are you ever going to learn? Jimin sit down now.”
‘‘ Truthfully.. I feel as though I shouldn’t be here so-”
“ Good. Get out you are unwanted.” You snap back causing him to give you one of his long stares with no facial expression at all.
Jungkook glares at you just before getting up to throw his hands in the air full of disappointment. “ Enough! “
Yelling. Something else you don’t like to hear being done at yourself. You finally sit still and quite avoiding any eye contact with the both of them.
He sits back down and clears his throat. Jungkook gives Jimin a look before continuing on.
‘‘ I gathered us here to talk about you..”
‘‘ Why. Im fine. How many times do I have to say it. Im fine im fine im fine im fucking fine!’‘ You exclaim, getting more mad by the second. When will people accept this?
‘‘ Baby.. ’‘
Your eyes shoot up to him and his soft voice. You didn’t want to but you did because his voice to you is like candy that melts into your mouth.
‘‘ Don’t call me that. You have a girlfriend at-least be loyal to her rather than what you did to me.’‘
‘‘ Fuck is anybody going to just sit here and listen? Can we at-least get to the source of the problem? Huh?’‘ Jungkook leans back into the couch clearly pissed by your attitude.
Jimin’s the first to speak and holds a firm eye contact with you, almost daring you to break away from it.
‘‘ Fine. Im just going to cut straight to it then. Why are you so jealous? You aren’t okay at all. I seen the way you looked at us yesterday. You wanted to break down so bad but you didn’t. It looks like you’ve been dropping weight day by day why aren’t you eating well?’’
You’re taken a-back by his jealous comment. Although you are you just cannot admit it. You are jealous. You do want him back. You cant bear to see him with another girl but you. But the fact that Jimin is concerned makes you really hope. Just hope that there is something left of you still in his heart.
‘‘ Jealous? Jealous tuh.” You scoff, leaning into Jungkook’s arms where you rest his head on your chest. You only do this just to see Jimin’s reaction and by the look on his face he doesn’t enjoy that move one bit.
‘‘ Yes jealous. I mean why else would you put almond extra-
‘‘ Woah. No need to go there. We established that it was a so called accident lastnight.” Jungkook does finger quotes into the air and looks down at you.
You lift your head up and furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, “ So called? So you really believe that I did it on purpose. Wow Jungkook. Escort yourself out.’’
He sighs, wrapping his arms around you securly in hopes of you settling down a  little, “ Honestly it’s not like that. I wasn’t there to see you bake them nor was I watching her eat it. Im just saying that you knew Jimin was coming and obviously his girlfriend was going to come too. It’s a little sketchy is all.”
There’s no fixing what he said. Him adding onto his explanation just made things sound worse than what he’s trying to say. You don’t have time to be ganged up on, nor like it at all. It’s best if they both just leave, to not turn nothing into something.
‘‘ Get out. Now. Before I call and tell Ryan what you said and then she’ll definitely deal with you.’‘ You say, removing yourself from off of him and onto the other side of the couch with your legs crossed.
Mad isn’t even the word to describe yourself right now. You’re just a mixture of all emotions.
Jungkook now looks of sorriness written all over his face. You bite your lip and shake your head while pointing towards the door. He sighs heavily and takes one last look at you while removing himself from the couch. You watch him slip on his coat and shoes.
Jimin gets up from his spot on the couch, ‘‘ I’ll be leav-”
‘‘ Sit down we aren’t done talking.” 
He looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed, sitting back down slowly.
Jungkook keeps his head down as he wraps his blue scarf around his neck. Poor baby, but he shouldn’t of said it. “Please better yourself and talk it out with each-other. Im leaving.”
‘‘ Make it home safely.. Kookie.” You sigh once the door closes behind him. Now you’re here. Face to face with Park Jimin.
The same Jimin who cheated on you. The same Jimin you haven’t seen in a while. You take a few moments to take in his appearance. He seems to have re-gained his muscles that are peaking through his black, longsleeve shirt. His thighs are still thick, just like his luscious lips. Of course he changed his hair color to black. But who knows, he might change it again.
‘‘ You’ve been doing well?’‘ You say, voice low but enough for him to hear. You drop your eyes to your lap instead of keeping intact with his.
‘‘ Yes. But you have not. Im disappointed in you. Why are you doing this to yourself? Don’t do this because of me.”
‘‘ Jimin you don’t know the feeling. You don’t know how it feels to be left wondering why you weren’t good enough for someone. Why they had cheated on you. You don’t understand at all and wont ever.’‘ Your voice cracks on the last sentence and you an feel the lump in your throat become sore.
He bites his lip unsure of what to say next. Those words had hit him good inside. ‘‘ Im sorry. I truly am. But you know the reason why we had to end it. I fucked up bad and the media was making the scandal bigger and messier day by day. It was better to just call it off.’‘
One by one your tears start to drop. You nose begins it’s running trip but you sniffle it back up.
‘‘ You could of denied it. You know you could of made a statement and denied it. But you felt something for her didn’t you? Didn’t you?’‘ You semi-yell, sobs already starting to take it’s way over.
He bites his lip once again and ruffles his fingers through his hair, “ Baby..’’
You wipe your tears with your hands making your face even more puffy from the crying. “ I am jealous. I am I admit it Jimin. But do you know i have been suffering for one year and two months? I can’t sleep at night because im so used to your touch at night. I look at every couple in Seoul and think to myself, Dang they seem so happy. What’s their secret?’’
Jimin sits up, making eye contact with you with tears welling up into his eyes. It hurt’s you more than yourself to see him crying. It always has.
‘‘ Please don’t do that. Don’t do this to yourself. Please get help from someone to try and move on. Please. I don’t like to see or hear you make yourself suffer.’ He begs, getting up from his seat and coming towards you.
Jimin sits next to you, hesitantly opening his arms up to you. Would it be wrong to embrace him? He’s being too sincere, but thats what you want right? You decide to just do it, and lean into him only for him to pull you in closer into his chest.You just lay there crying and sobbing while he runs his fingers through your hair. You shouldn’t be doing this. He has a girlfriend. But it feels so right.
‘‘ What does she have that I don’t? Why couldn’t you love me the same way you love her “  You cry into his chest, soaking his shirt with your tears. 
You’d been waiting for this moment to just let it out. Let everything out.
‘’ Please don’t make this harder than what it is right now. Just try and forget me and move on. Please.” Hypocritcal. How does he expect you to get over him when he’s the one whos holding you so tight right now. Soon enough his sniffles join yours in harmony.
You raise your head up and look him deep into the eyes while you wipe away his tears, “ Don’t cry Jimin. I’m the one supposed to be crying over you. Don’t cry.’’
He takes your hand away from his face and wraps his fist ontop of yours, “Please promise me you will move on okay?’’
You shake your head no, “ I can’t make that promise.”
He doesn’t say anything. He gently cradles you in his arms and lifts you up. You don’t think to where he is going. You just close your eyes and grab onto his shirt firmly not wanting to let go.
Soon enough you feel the cold sheets over your bed. He covers you in the duvet and leans down to your forehead.  A kiss. Your fist is still locked onto his shirt in which he tries to pry it away but you don’t want to let him go. He sighs and raises his arms up as he takes off the shirt revealing an extra plain white wife beater under it. Taking your other hand, he wraps your hand into another fist onto the shirt to where both of your hands are holding onto it.
‘‘ Please better yourself for me baby. Sleep and eat well. “
Is all he says before turning off the lights and walking out your bedroom door.  You can hear him putting on and zipping up his heavy coat but you just don’t make a sound.
The apartment door clicks and beeps letting you know he’s already gone.
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