#but unfortunately for you feelings are never ration or technical | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

enluv · 11 months ago

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bewitched

pairing: anton x mentioned gn reader! (pls lmk if there are any gendered terms I may have missed)

synopsis: in which anton has a not so tiny actually really big crush on reader.

genre: fluff that made me smile to myself so hard that I had to remind myself this was just a fic, idol!anton & idol!reader, angst if you squint, pouty anton & his hyungs love to tease him for it!

coco’s <3 note: this was something I wrote up after a really long day of studying for finals last week so if you hate it lie to me (I’m sensitive) and it’s completely self indulgent 😭 + not edited well…

small but important a/n: I am so happy people love this fic as much as I do but I unfortunately will not be making a part two for it! originally I didn’t plan one and still in my heart feel like it doesn’t really need one!! sorry my loves, ty for the understanding 🤍

anton who smiles to himself as he watches you do his groups dance challenge, he’s seen you backstage countless times now with your group and he swears you’re his soulmate.

loud and energetic, your personality compliments his usually timid and introverted one.

the first one to notice is seunghan, always the one with the keenest eye, he teases anton throughly when you walk past them in the music show halls, pushing his shoulders and tugging at the boys pink cheeks.

the next two to notice are wonbin and shotaro, having caught their youngest replaying your groups music video just after briefly being introduced to you, he claims it’s so he can learn your dance challenge but the boys can tell from the way his voice raises an octave, that he’s lying.

eunseok and sungchan take note as they watch his eyes sparkle up at the screen in their room backstage, there’s no hiding the proud smile he wears as he watches you move about on stage smiling and enjoying the time you have with fans, they can see just how much he admires you.

sohee is the last to know as he walks right up to you, laughing and joking like old friends do, anton goes through the five stages of grief so quickly the rest of the members laugh loudly at him.

first, he denies what’s taking place in front of his eyes, he can’t fathom how you know his friend, or why you two seem so close.

second, he’s angry. not at sohee or you, never you of course, but at himself for not seeing the obvious signs. you’d done their dance because you knew his friend, not just because you were interested in him them.

third, anton tries rationalizing with himself. this was okay, it’d be okay, and if you ended up with sohee it would be fine because technically he’d never admitted to liking you, and so technically you weren’t anyone to him, so really if he thought about it, he’d be fine, especially if you made his best friend happy.

fourth, he’s pouting, and not even on purpose in a cute way, he’s full on pouting at the scene taking place in front of him. he’s sad you’re so close to sohee, sad he isn’t the one making you laugh loudly or putting a smile on your face, sad that he has absolutely no chance with you at all. this isn’t fair, but he can’t do anything so he resorts to pouting and clinging onto his older brothers for comfort (as they laugh and tease his current state).

finally, anton thinks he’s over it. he’s been watching you and sohee giggle about back and forth for what seems like hours now (it’s been less than five minutes) and he thinks he can finally accept this reality. you’re into his friend and he’s chopped liver. yeah that’s totally fine, he’s totally okay with this outcome.

the older boys smile at one another as they watch anton bury his head deeper into eunseoks broad shoulders, seemingly shielding himself from the scene in front of him. they know when their maknae is upset and it’s a million times clear just how much he is right now.

“anton, are you okay? I want to introduce you to my friend.” sohee’s soft voice pulls him out of his depression, slowly rising his head he’s met with a pair of eyes he knows too well, and his ears turn red.

“this is my roommate, he’s the one I told you about, the one that’s a big fan of you,” his friend laughs after his words and anton isn’t sure what’s worse: you being madly in love with sohee or you knowing he’s madly in love with you.

“anton right? I’m also a big fan of you, if that’s not totally embarrassing to admit to you.”

and just like that he’s swooning again, all the thoughts and feelings from before melt away as he pushes past eunseok to stand in front of you. now this, this is just perfect.

sohee shoots him a smile and a thumbs up, and it all clicks, anton is almost ashamed of how he’s acted.

sohee knew about his crush, how could he not? they shared a room together, of course he’d caught him watching your content, laughing at things you’d said, and bashfully liking your pictures from his spam account, he’d done this on purpose, he’d introduce you to one another on purpose.

“do you want to maybe grab some lunch with me?”

so maybe that wasn’t what he’d planned to say to you first but at least he’d spoken…right? even if it was straightforward and not like him at all.

your laugh makes his ears even redder, and he’s instantly smiling as you nod, taking his hand and leading him to “a really good cafe” as you put it. anton isn’t listening fully, he’s just happy he can finally admire you in person.

yeah he’s definitely too far gone. he thinks he might be in love.

coco’s <3 note x2: I love love love writing for riize they’re honestly my favorite boys ahhh I love them!! hopefully now that I am on break I can write more for them :) thinking of opening requests for them too maybe? and like if you know me you know I don’t do that often so !!! hope you enjoyed this fic, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3

riize taglist — @palajae @txtlyn @rllymark @soheekisser @luvbinnies (can’t tag those in bold 😕)

Want to join the taglist? Find the forms here!

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pedgito · 10 months ago

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MILLER'S GIRL ✎ SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter Four: Under Your Skin

Chapter Summary: An implosion that changes everything, leaving results devastating but unseen. [5k]

[student/teacher relationship, age gap, no outbreak, power dynamic]

Chapter Warnings: fem!reader, professor!joel miller, inappropriate behavior, reader is delusional lol, background tess/joel (mentions of infidelity), technical infidelity on joel's behalf, unprotected piv, f!oral, angry sex, lack of aftercare, belt as restraints, inappropriate use of a tie & desk, semi-public sex (sorta), angst at the end i'm sorry.

— AO3 | PLAYLIST | PINTEREST

↝ other fics | requests? | ao3 | update blog | fic rec

There’s a deep ache in your body and between your legs as you toss in bed that morning, rousing from a less than relaxing sleep, the faint smell of Joel still lingering on the clothes you fell asleep in, not bothering to change. Licking at chapped lips he’d kissed you so feverishly the night before, you recollect the night in flashes, rubbing sleep from your eyes and feeling riddled with anxiety.

You reach for your phone blindly, stuffed under your covers as you scroll through your phone, expecting some type of change—an updated grade, a note or two on your follow-up essay. But, there’s nothing. The big, glaring fucking zero staring you back in the face. And for a moment, you feel guilty. You wonder just how badly you screwed things up by doubling down and approaching him so boldly in his office. In his space.

You threatened him and he attacked. Not you.

You never intended for things to unfold the way they did, but you wanted to get your feelings across clearly, even if that meant getting under his skin.

Joel. Not Mr. Miller.

Those were two entirely different entities now.

You take your morning slow, enjoying the relaxation of the weekend and taking your time—researching and looking into things you definitely should not be. First, it’s his name.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t bring up much. His job history was fairly public, no local or national awards, nothing note-worthy and only a few small non-fiction pieces to his name, though you knew there were more—there had to be. With his taste in poetry and fiction you expected something, but came up with nothing. He’s so inexplicably boring to the naked eye and maybe that’s what he wanted. He wanted to blend and disappear.

Curiously, you do more digging on his wife. Who—yeah, it was definitely his wife. A few links later and you stumble upon the marriage certificate, nearly ten years strong. No kids, either.

It was impressive, more than what a lot of people could be prideful about. But Joel, he wasn’t prideful about Tess. He was secretive, dismissive, and shot a look of disgust at his phone every time he received a text, whether purposefully or not.

You find that she works at a law firm, relatively small and headed by two partners. One significantly older than the other—father and son? You squint slightly, searching through the website carefully but not coming up with much. She was a lawyer, that much was obvious.

Still, it didn’t explain the rift.

What happened?

You try and struggle to find anything rational or tangible, feeling like you might drive yourself insane trying to find out and you spend most of the weekend trudging through the obscurity of things you could find online, very little compared to what you could find out by just asking him.

There’s a tinge of dread in attending class that Monday knowing that no matter how hard you tried, Mr. Miller would never see you the same. He wouldn’t treat you as he had, pedestaling you up above the rest and, though he’d never admit openly, admiring you.

But, god, it ails you. Sickens your mind and keeps you from focusing on anything else.

You needed more answers, more clarification. But, more importantly, you still needed him.

That deep, gnawing feeling of desire in your gut had only grown stronger since your encounter in his office and you feared—knew, it would only worsen as time went on.

Joel knew that night that he needed to follow through on his plans.

His lack of trust in Tess, his instability in his life now, and how he couldn’t get you out of his head. The three were a volatile mix and he knew if he didn’t start somewhere that things would quickly grow out of control.

He makes the call to his lawyer the following morning, hungover and tired. Nursing a headache in his open palm as he conversed quietly over the phone. Tess was home, far off and distant in another room but he can hear her shifting around, moving about, and he feels like he’s betraying her. He doesn’t know why he’s filled with guilt and shame—maybe that was partly because of you, his willingness to cross that line for just a moment and kiss you.

It was a momentary slip, his want clouding out his sense of rationality.

You were conniving and manipulative, using his own selfish thoughts against him, his eagerness to aid you in your progress but also allowed a level of vulnerability between you both. Joel should’ve known, he should’ve seen it in the way you looked at him.

It was admiration and obsession and he fed into it.

It was something he never had, not even with Tess.

He loved her, sure. Cared about her, absolutely. But the physical connection—sexual or not, had never truly been there. And Joel figures that was why she did what she did, despite how badly it hurt him. He felt at fault for a while, like he had caused it.

Maybe he did—but he would never have betrayed Tess like she did so easily, even if she swore it meant nothing at the time. Late nights for her were fickle, but they still happened. And that’s when Joel allowed the doubt to seep in and eat away.

But, he just couldn’t do it anymore. He felt like an intruder in his own home.

Tess would be served the papers on Monday evening and Joel would face the wrath when he arrived home, but there was still time. Time to prepare and settle, commit through his day and do his job, even if you lingered in his peripheral as class went on.

Your lack of reaction and response to his unchangingness of your grade gives him a false sign of relief—had you finally moved on from the idea? Joel was clueless to how preoccupied you actually were, chewing on the end of a pen as you sifted through tabs as he droned on at the front of class. Discussion days were always long and dreadful, and as most of the class was discussing the troubled assignment Mr. Miller had given you the week prior, your silence was…required. He avoided you like the plague and you were thankful, to some degree.

Still filled with frustration and simmering rage, you can’t ignore how despite everything—Joel still glances your way. And where his looks before were restrained, subtle and less driven…these were not. Like he was replaying the events in his head every time he looked at you, wondering if he’d tossed your panties out or kept them, if he still tasted you on his lips—at this point, fucking you was the least he could do.

And you know it’s in poor taste, but you approach him at the end of class with a revered look on things—hopeful, even. Apologize, fix your grade, and move on like things never happened.

He straightens a stack of files on his desk as you approach, jaw tense as he swallows and his gaze follows the last few lingering students as you neared on him, like prey. But, your face softens when he looks at you and whatever retort he has on standby dissipates for the moment.

“Um,” You start, unsure of how he would react, “I—can we talk?”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Joel offers logically, “not…now.”

End of day, he thinks. In his office. Privacy. Secrecy. He didn’t feel like airing things out in the middle of the day, not with his divorce on the forefront of his mind.

“I just…I wanted to apologize.” You tell him quietly, “For everything.”

Was it genuine? Not really.

“I can’t change your grade,” He admits, “I’m not going to and it’s beyond the deadline for that assignment.”

You breath sharply through your nostrils and intertwine your fingers in front of you—Joel can see from the way your grip tightens that you’re holding back and nothing has changed.

Unstable and volatile, you both stared at each other for too long, an eerie silence settling.

“That’s—”

He interrupts without much care, “Unfair? Unethical? Don’t start with this. Not now.”

He doesn’t have any leverage here either, but you quiet down under his gaze slightly.

You begin to speak again, but he holds up a careful finger. Like scolding a child for their actions and you bite back a venomous retort as he talks over you, “Meet me in my office at six. Fifteen minutes. That’s all you get.”

He’s on edge, jaw flexing around a tense swallow that feels impossible to get down. He turns back to his desk, ignoring you and ultimately ending whatever conversation you were hoping to have.

He wants you to wait and despite your stubbornness to address the situation now, you settle with his words and nod, a quiet “Okay.” in response.

“Don’t be late.” He stresses, eyes flicking up towards you briefly.

Your insides twist ominously in anticipation, but you feel yourself throbbing with need.

“Yes,” You respond, “Of course, Mr. Miller.”

There’s an urge for praise that Joel bites back.

Joel is already opening the door as your footsteps approach later that day, anticipating your arrival and eyes glancing over your figure in the darkened lights of the classroom, the warm glow of his office blanketing you both as he welcomes you in with a gesture, moving out of your way slightly and closing the door to his office as you trailed toward his desk, lingering quietly.

“You can sit.” He directs, thumbs digging into the waistband of his slacks as he adjusts them slightly, the uncomfortable press of his belt pressing into his stomach. Normally he’d undress a little, relax, but he couldn’t allow that. Not with how anxious he felt, knowing what he faced at home, sure that the divorce papers had already been delivered to Tess.

He’s tried to ignore it—and he doesn’t know why he’s worried, but her refusal to cooperate is always an option and that isn’t something Joel thinks he can handle calmly.

“Okay,” You listen, taking a seat in one of the two leather chairs placed in front of his desk, watching as he leaned against the edge of his desk a few inches away, hands clasped in his lap as he looked down, unsure of how to begin, or where, “Um, I can—”

“You need to understand something,” Joel begins suddenly, interrupting you again—it really, really fucking bothered you. He did it on purpose, as a way to assert himself over you, and you felt it in the way he looked at you, down and scrutinizing, “this—whatever this is, or was—it’s inappropriate.”

As if he had a proper moral compass to explain his actions.

“I don’t need a lesson in appropriate behavior,” You counter, “if that’s what you’re leading into.”

“No—”

It’s your turn to interrupt, sitting up straighter in your chair.

“And truthfully, it’s a little unprofessional of you to continue to fail me after I did the make-up assignment.” You respond, a tinge of condescension in your tone, “and you kissed me, if I remember correctly. So—if this is because you’re upset, then I’m allowed to be too. I want a fair grade. Not what you’re punishing me with now because you—for whatever fucking reason, can’t get passed the idea that you had those thoughts too, but can’t accept it.”

“I’m not punishing you.” Joel responds lamely and you squint your eyes slightly as you look at him before huffing out a breath of defeat, chuckling softly under your breath.

“You know—we talked for weeks. Back and forth. And you reached out to me first. So, if you want to deny that then let’s talk about you abusing your power and holding it over my head now after all of that. Genuine talks. You had to care, to some degree.”

“You’re not the first student I’ve talked to outside of class—”

You roll your eyes, feeling the conversation stalling out quickly.

“Do you still have them?” You ask curiously.

Joel doesn’t need to be told. He knows what you’re referring to.

And the guilt on his face as he looks away briefly, tongue pressing into his cheek as he glances at his watch, avoiding your question.

“Am I out of time already?” You ask patronizingly, leaning over in the chair slightly as you struggle to meet his gaze, his eyes pointed elsewhere. “Tight schedule today?”

“What are you expecting out of this?” Joel asks, arms crossing over his chest, biceps stretching under the dark button-up, licking at his bottom lip anxiously. “Are you that fucking stubborn that you think this is somehow going to work in your favor?”

Your face twitches in frustration and you cock your head slightly, rising from the chair and into his space, close enough that you can smell the faint waft of his cologne, looking him over slowly as his eyes fall on you.

“Where are they?” You ask curiously, squeezing yourself between the small space, thighs rubbing against his own as you walk around him, trailing by his desk. “Here?” You point toward the stack of closed drawers nestled in the wood and Joel glances over his shoulder, quick to move as he pushes you away gently, palm flat against your chest.

“The fuck are you doing?” He asks, “You came here to talk. So talk.”

You click your tongue against the roof of your mouth and test your limits once more, “Oh, so they are in there? Kept them for yourself? You know, this whole moral high ground thing is really fucking annoying, Joel.”

He speaks your name as a warning, but it only makes you feel more at ease.

“What?” You ask innocently, “Do you have somewhere to be?”

Joel chews at his bottom lip and removes his hand from the center of your chest, feeling it sting like a hot brand as his fingers curl around the edge of his desk, feeling oddly small as your eyes track him and watch like he’s some type of prey, a devilish smile pulling at your lips.

He made a mistake underestimating you—or even allowing you back into his office. He was screwed.

“Stop.” He warns, watching as you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth and reach behind him quickly, yanking at the drawer but he draws your hand up, tight in his grip and forcing you against his chest, your unrestrained hand falling against the desk to catch yourself.

“What’s going on?” You ask softly, feigning genuine emotion. The crease between his brow growing deeper—you’ve spent enough time with him to know when something is bothering him, someone, and it’s written all over his face. “Come on, I won’t say anything.”

“It’s not your business.” Joel offers lamely, feeling you create a small amount of distance as you push away, your wrist still held firmly in his grip, but lower by his waist.

“Is it her?” You ask carefully, “It’s her, isn’t it?”

Another breath of your name—stop here, stop now.

“Did you tell her?” You ask suddenly, eyes widening. “God, are you really that much of a —”

“No, fuck—” He interrupts, “I’m—not that it’s any of your goddamn business, I served her divorce papers today.”

“Oh…” It wasn’t what you expected, not by a longshot. “Was that—is that because of—”

“No,” His eyebrows quirk up slightly, amused that you thought you were the cause of his marriage's untimely dismantlement, “not at all, actually.”

He doesn’t know why it feels like a weight lifting on his chest, but talking about it with you feels…less imposing than he expected. And your eyes soften slightly at the mention, still beckoning something dark but he can see the genuine reaction that flashes momentarily.

He loosens his grip but doesn’t quite let go, thumb rubbing over the vein of your wrist.

Joel doesn’t understand why he can’t just let go, like he’s weirdly tethered to you.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” You ask, feeling the need to reassure some comfort.

You didn’t really care, but he seemed so pathetically sad. It spilled over and flooded into you, that small tug at your heart. It quickly fades, his mouth opening to speak.

“Not really.” He doesn’t feel the need to bother, glancing at his watch briefly again.

The minutes were ticking down and he knew you were overstaying your welcome—and he was allowing it. But, you here—it feels good.

“I can’t change your grade,” He reiterates again, “but if you promise to not do something like that again—I can offer some extra credit, something to help make up for it.”

And ultimately teach you a lesson and punish you in the process. Did you really have a choice?

“Extra credit,” You stress, saying slowly as you consider the word, the implication—you don’t think he means it in a nefarious way, it just feels ridiculous, “seriously?”

Joel nods, “Consider it a…lesson learned.”

A small laugh bubbles from your chest but you ignore it, staring down at his touch and speaking.

“You know—I did appreciate the recommendations you made,” You admit, “if that counts for anything.

Joel stares at you, despite your preoccupied gaze, speaking directly.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I care about that,” Joel says, “I give recommendations to students all the time. But, you seemed more interested so–I gave you more.”

“Right,” You say with finality, “and all those nights at the coffee shop?”

“I’m there quite a bit anyways,” He admits, only a half-truth, “you’re not the first student I’ve had meetings with outside of class.”

He’s trying to reiterate to himself that his actions are justified, but his body is saying otherwise.

“Mr. Miller,” You start softly, “can I ask you one more question?”

Silent, he nods again.

“Why are you still touching me?”

And he doesn’t know why, but something in him snaps. The quickening of your pulse under his fingertips, your eyes finally flicking up to him. He does have your panties tucked away in his desk, he doesn’t meet with students outside of his class like that, and he can try and convince himself all he wants, but him reaching out to you was a personal, selfish decision that had nothing to do with anything but his own curiosity. He sees the subtle catch of your breath and doesn’t stop you when he sees you moving closer, quick and determined.

Fuck his time limit, you think.

If he wanted you to leave he would’ve forced you out by now.

Your lips are soft but forceful, pressing against his with fervor as you slip your wrist from his grip and bury your fingers into his shortened curls, trimmed down at the base of his neck but there’s still just enough to tug, swallowing down his soft grunt as you pull and bite as at his bottom lip.

Joel has the thought to stop you, but he can’t.

He feels guilty, appreciating the touch that he’s lacked for so long. But, there’s a creeping sensation of frustration that fills him, vexed with you. And it snaps, completely.

His hands finally touch you, releasing a breath into his mouth you didn’t realize you were holding. One hand cradling the back of your head, the other wrapped firmly around your neck. Just a solid weight that he uses as leverage when you get too eager, nipping at his lip.

Joel moves you easily, silently as he turns and presses you against his desk, mumbling a soft “Up.” as he aids in the lift of your thighs, taking a seat on his desk as it shakes with the movement and he slots himself between your open legs and kisses you fuller, selfishly.

He’s eager to slip his tongue into your mouth once more, like beforem and you welcome it with ease. Giggling into his open mouth as he squeezes at your throat, the sound breaking his focus.

“So, is this the extra credit?” You speak against his lips, a soft puff of his breath over your face as he keeps his eyes closed, face pressed against yours. “Because I think my fifteen minutes is up.”

Joel can’t do conversation right now, the noise grating in his ears as he blindly reaches for his tie and loosens it, yanking it away from his neck and balling up the material, his eyebrows shooting up slightly in response as he catches your gaze, momentarily confused until you quickly catch on.

Oh, he wants you to shut up. Noted.

He’s guiding the fabric to your mouth before you can properly speak and that’s what he wants, stuffing it between your teeth and forcing you to bite down, his eyes darkened as he squeezes your cheeks between his fingers, shifting a hand under the hem of your dress where it tickles your thighs and you legs widen instinctively, even more. There’s an obvious absence of fabric that Joel notes as his fingers dig into your hips, your eyes brightening at his realization.

And that’s how Joel knows—you never came here to talk. You always had some underlying intention or reason and it drove him insane, but he was a raging hypocrite, wanting it just as selfishly. His fingers drag over your pussy with intention, gliding through your slick and pressing a single digit inside of you with little resistance and you gasp, muffled by the fabric.

“You didn’t come here to talk,” Joel surmises, though it was obvious from the start, “did you?”

You shake your head weakly, eyes squeezing shut as he pumps his fingers and quickly adds another, hand flying to his wrist as he quirks his fingers inside of you and hits a spot that has your stomach coiling in anticipation.

“What do you want?” He asks hotly, hand squeezing at the base of your neck while he uses his other hand to rub messy, slow circles over your clit. Your hands reach for his belt without question, palm flattening over his cock that was held tightly behind the stiff material of his slacks. “Yeah?” He questions, the subtle squeeze of your hand against his shaft in response.

And part of you really doesn’t think he has it in him to go through with it, but then he’s pulling his hand away from you to manipulate and manhandle, yanking you off the desk sloppily and pressing your front against the edge, fumbling with his belt behind you and pulling it off in a sharp snap, hand flattening against your back as he presses you down.

“Give me your hands.” He tells you, a soft whine of protest coming from your mouth, but then he’s pulling himself from his briefs, cock in hand as he tugs at himself slowly and glides along the center of your pussy, dragging through the wetness. “You want me to fuck you, right? Give me your hands.”

You had control on just about every aspect of his mind—he needed this, the physicality stripped from you.

You oblige silently, face resting against the cold wood as you offered up your hands and allowed him to constrain them tight and snug—he does it with ease. Practice and perfected and he uses it as leverage to pull you back toward him, “So, we have a caveat here. No condom.”

You nod deftly, eyes closing as he tightens his grip and ultimately squeezes the belt even tighter.

“But, something tells me you don’t care—” A shake of your head in response, “—don’t tell me you’re that fucking naive.”

You shrug lamely, wiggling your ass in an effort to move closer, eyebrow furrowing as he moves his hips away slightly. You growl in frustration and spit out the tie, “Fuck you, I’m on birth control. Do you really think I’m that irresponsible?”

His lack of answer is enough of one and he stuffs the fabric back into your mouth with a grimace, “Given your behavior, yes.” He fists himself tightly and slips inside of you with ease, a snug fit but you mold around him perfectly.

And it shouldn’t feel right, but it does. Joel breathes a soft breath of relief as he uses his free hand to fist into the fabric of your dress and use it as a perfect leverage to fuck into you with fervor, disregarding of your own pleasure for the time being—though the angle and the intensity of your thrust doesn’t have you far off, snapping his hips with a furiosity that strikes something inside of you with each harsh movement.

He’s huffing behind clenched teeth, a low growl emitting from his chest as he feels you tighten around him instinctively, sobbing brokenly around the fabric in your mouth, eventually allowing it to slip as you feel his grip shift, pulling you upright by your dress and pressing you back against his chest.

“Why the—sudden change of heart?” You tease, an underlying suspicion in your mind that you don’t speak aloud. He wanted a distraction and you were proving to be a great one. His hips slow suddenly, almost like he’s contemplating a response.

He huffs out a bitter laugh, snapping his hips sharply and forcing a gasp from your chest.

“Do you ever shut up?” He asks, “If I knew you’d be this annoying I would’ve just shoved my dick in your mouth—maybe that would do you some good. You’d like that, huh?”

You giggle softly but it falls off into a broken moan as Joel buries his face into your neck, biting roughly at your skin as he feels himself reaching his peak, knowing it’s been far too long for him—years of lacking sex that quickly divulged into nothing. “I think you would like that, Joel.”

You’re waiting for a chastise that never comes, knowing he hates when his name falls from your tongue—he makes a muffled sound as he loosens the belt with fluid, practiced fingers and discards it to the floor, relieving the growing ache in your shoulders as he crosses an arm over your chest, palm flat against it to hold you in place as he snaps his hips once, twice, before his other hand is digging into the flesh of your own hip as he comes, deep inside of you and with a muffled grunt, teeth leaving a faint impression in your skin—and you’re only slightly disappointed in his lack of attention in making you come, but then he’s pulling out and spinning you around, hands coming up under your thighs to spread you out over his desk, silently pressing for you to lean back, dropping to his knees with his pants pooling low on his thighs. Too impatient to redress fully.

You gasp when he dips a finger inside of you, catching the slow spend that slips out, stuffing it back in as he presses his tongue over your clit and groaning at how you clench tightly around his fingers, spasming at the pressure.

“Quiet,” He warns, “put the fucking tie back in your mouth if you can’t control yourself.”

You can admit defeat, pathetically stuffing the fabric back in your mouth—haphazardly as half of it drapes over your chest, eyes locking on Joel’s as he laps at your clit, fingers stuffed inside of you to keep his cum from dripping out. And it’s so overwhelming that when you do finally come, you feel your vision blacking out, biting down roughly on the silk tie as you claw at the hand he has braced against your stomach, desperately trying to keep your writhing body still.

The aftermath is quiet, jaded—shifting on his desk silently you watch as he redresses, tucking his shirt back into his pants as he slips his belt through the loops, the fingers that were just buried inside of you working so easily against the leather.

“Satisfied?” He asks suddenly, into the silence as you both lock eyes.

He slips the tie from your fingers, placing it back around his neck and tying it diligently.

“Are you going to try and convince me you did that for my benefit?” You retort in annoyance, despite how satisfied you actually may be, this wasn’t just on you, “How about you apologize for using me as an outlet for your troubled marriage?”

“You’re not an outlet–”

And as if you spoke it into existence, the knock comes a few moments later. The door opening.

This is the part where Joel’s life finally implodes.

You on his desk, compromising as he still stands halfway between your legs in the middle of shifting his tie and Tess is…stoic. Silent.

“This is what’s been keeping you so preoccupied?” Tess asks, the dooming stack of papers gripped tightly in her hand. “Fucking a student?” Her eyes flicking to you briefly but quickly back to Joel and he nods toward the door, beckoning for you to leave.

You do, without question.

And the aftermath is abysmal.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #tlou fanfic #joel miller smut #professor!joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #my writing #miller's girl #pedro pascal characters

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sunshine-and-moonshine · 1 year ago

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Cod With Monster!Reader

Requested: No

Warnings: Reader is described with some monster features depending on which character, blood drinking, Reader is dead in Ghost’s section, descriptions of blood and a slit throat, a decent amount of spice Soap’s along with some dub-con, also mentions of eating human flesh, Reader is described with a green dress in Soap’s part because it’s part of the mythology that I read, Reader remains Gn though.

A/N: This is the post I got way too into. Soap’s especially is….way too goddamn long.

Price - House Spirit

Price first met you when he moved into his new home. He was annoyed when he thought he had mice, what sounded like their little claws scurrying all under the floorboards and in the cellar, unaware that that was just you moving about. So preoccupied with his own worries, he never wondered how dust never seemed to collect in home, despite him being gone for months at a time, how his clothes and sheets always smelled clean and unwrinkled, or how his dressers were always full despite not actually having done his laundry since he moved in.

It all comes to a head one day when he was home on leave and decided to check his cellar for the first time in the whole 3 years he’d technically lived here. Unfortunately for you, you didn’t even know he’d come home that day and were too busy reorganizing your little nest in the back corner of the room to hear the door open or his heavy footsteps coming down the steps. Not until you could feel his bewildered gaze staring holes into the back of your head.

Things from there were….tense. He wanted to believe that you were some strange person who was either trying to rob him or maybe someone who was suffering mentally and was confused. Something that didn’t fuck up his entire concept of reality and what was real and myth. That was, until he got a good look at your little horns, your long and floppy, almost bunny like, ears, and the swishing tail behind you. He promptly backed himself up the stairs and slammed the door to the cellar shut.

It took another week or so before he went back into the cellar, but this time you were hidden away from his eyes. It took some coaxing from him to get you to reveal yourself, promises that he wouldn’t hurt you or try and force you to leave. Once you did come out, he was all questions, what you were, why you were here, why you were staying in the fucking cellar of all places when he had a bed he didn’t even sleep in when he was home.

After that, things were a bit rocky but….almost domestic. He enjoyed coming home and seeing your ears perk up so cutely when he walked through the door, or how your tail swished a bit faster when he greeted you kindly. Overall, he enjoys your presence and it’s no skin off his back if you want to do all the cleaning that he can’t be bothered with on his few lazy days. Or if you feel like cooking for him when he comes home. Or if you wake him from his ptsd induced nightmares, touching his face and holding his hand, making him warm tea and something to eat to help stop his shaking.

The only thing he insists on is that you move out of the cellar and into an actual room.

Gaz - Dullahan

Gaz met you when he was lost in the woods, a chopper having crashed and left him stranded in the middle of nowhere. He was thirsty and hungry, having run out of emergency rations and water days ago, with nothing nearby to help him. He was on Death’s door, his eyes heavy, his stomach long since having stopped it’s rumbling, body weak and feeling like lead. But, as his eyes began to close, he heard the strangest thing just before he lost consciousness.

The beating of hooves on the ground beside him.

When he came to, Gaz was feeling significantly less thirsty and weak, but still very much tired. The warmth of whatever he was laying on brought him a sense of ease and relaxation.

Until he registered that what he was laying on was ever so subtly moving up and down. At the same time that he made this realization, something cold and wet nudged at the palm of his hand, making him shoot upright. Whatever it was startled at this and snorted almost angrily, making him lose his balance and fall back.

What he saw only confused him. A large black horse with a long mane and tail, it’s eyes completely white and leaving him feeling cold every time he looked into them.

And then a voice, your voice, calling out to the giant creature. “Dubhshláine, come.” You said, and it did, but not before sniffing at Gaz’s face one more time before it trotted over to your side. Then Gaz was pushing himself back up, eyes searching for the source of the voice, almost shouting when he saw the headless body that was petting the snout of the great beast.

It took….a while for you to calm him down, frantically trying to keep him from running, your voice shouting from somewhere that he needed to calm down and that he shouldn’t move when he was like this. But his struggle only ended when he was practically dry heaving in your arms, dizzy from trying to exert himself like that when he was recovering from dehydration and starvation.

Things went a bit smoother after that, at least, once you reattached your head and offered him some berries and meat that he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to eat, despite you insisting that it was just goose. He did end up eating it though, if only to stave off the incessant rumbling of his belly. And that night, as he let you guide him into a cave and helped him into a large pile of warm furs, you promised him that you’d help him get home.

But he couldn’t help but think that going home meant he’d never be able to hear your soothing voice again.

Ghost - Poltergeist

Ghost is someone who goes to thrift stores every once and a while. A habit of his, as he doesn’t like to spend too much money, and part of him likes to see what sort of things other people have collected and gotten rid of over the years. Priceless things and useless things alike. Normally he sticks to buying little, only things he needs, like a cheap and worn t-shirt because his last one finally became too ripped to wear in public.

But on that day, something else caught his eye. A simple and small Jade necklace tied on a black string. His fingers brush over it, running his thumb over the hole in the middle where the string was tied. Ghost should have known something was wrong then, as he never took interest in jewelry. Ever.

The owner seemed to take notice of his attention and told him to just take it, as it had been sitting on the rack for ages, longer than he could remember. What he didn’t tell Ghost was that people constantly avoided it, avoided even looking at it, even the owner himself. It instilled a sense of dread and fear, and made people’s hearts race. The owner had tried to simply throw it out but it ended up right back on that rack, time and time again. And if it wasn’t making this strange masked man uncomfortable then he was more then welcome to take the fucking thing off of his hands.

Ghost is surprised at the offer but accepts after a moment of hesitation. The necklace becomes sort of a good luck charm for him, and he rarely, if ever, takes it off. It’s always so warm against him (it grew almost scorching whenever he took off his clothes), making him feel a sense of security that he wasn’t sure that he ever felt before.

But soon things…changed. He noticed that if he neglected to touch the necklace for a certain length of time, things would happen around him. Things moving from where he left them, pictures falling from walls, objects jumping off of shelves. Like a brat throwing a temper tantrum after being denied attention. It was something that he brushed off time and time again as the wind or loose nails or whatever other thing he could think of. Ghost didn’t believe in the paranormal.

At least, he didn’t. But when he wakes up in the middle of the night to hands oh so gently petting his face and chest, an eerie and croaky sounding cry echoing quietly in the room, he starts to believe just a little bit. His eyes slowly peek open when your hand on his face drifts down to cup the back of his neck, your other hand going from his chest to his hip as you press soft and sweet kisses to his chest, focusing particularly around the necklace that laid in the center of his skin. He only got a good look at you when you started rubbing your cheek against his clavicle, that same noise as earlier coming from your mouth.

And god when he saw you.

Your throat was slit open, that much he could make out, wide and deep, so deep that it must have damaged your vocal cords, which explained why you sounded so croaky. The blood from the cut was all down your front, staining your once white t-shirt and the panties that adorned your body. And you looked almost see through, but Ghost could certainly feel how corporeal you were.

Ghost’s eyes quickly shut again when you started to move, straddling his hips as you pressed those same kisses to his face before curling yourself against him, burying your face into his neck. You seemed…..lonely, almost. And Ghost decided he could work with lonely, especially when he had been left feeling the same way for the longest time.

Soap - Baobhan sith

It was a stupid wish, made in the dead of night, when he was lonely and sleep deprived on a mission in the middle of nowhere, his comrades sleeping around him on the forest floor while he took the watch shift. It was a wish for companionship, to not be as lonely as he often felt. Sure, he had the 141, but the 141 were family. Not a lover that would hold him tight, press kisses to his lips, tell him that he was loved and cherished.

And that was when you appeared. He didn’t see you at first, too lost in his own thoughts. You only caught his attention when you shifted, your curious and mischievous eyes peeking out at him from behind a tree trunk. He was stunned for lack of a better word, especially when you came out fully, your long green dress dragging on the ground. What were you doing out here?

He called for you quietly, his voice full of concern. Were you hurt? Looking for help? Lost? He stepped closer but you stepped back, gesturing for him to follow you, to chase you. And it was stupid that he listened. He was a soldier and he was leaving his sleeping comrades defenseless. He shouldn’t have set his gun down and took off after you, no matter how worried he was. But something about you was clouding his judgment, making him lose his way.

He stumbled through brambles and branches, through bushes and mud, your giggling the only sign that he was even going the right way. And then finally, a break in the darkness. A little homey cottage, the sudden light almost feeling blinding to his retinas. But when he opened his eyes again, you were there, excitedly beckoning him again, coaxing him into what was supposedly your house.

Soap knew he should turn back, should wake away, but his body only moved forward, his mind a fog of confused desire as you pulled him in for a kiss, your back pressed against the door. He was putty under your touch, just waiting to be molded into whatever shape you wished for, whatever shape pleased you best.

And apparently what pleased you was having him under you on your soft bed, riding his cock for your pleasure and your pleasure only, batting away his hands every time he tried to touch you. He was desperate for it, for more of you, like you were a drug he’d never be able to come back from, that he’d never stop craving.

And then you came and all he could think of was how you were pulling away, how wanting he was, how he couldn’t let you leave him like this. He didn’t notice the red in your eyes or how sharp your teeth became, how you started to go for his wide open neck, his blood pumping so deliciously fast for you.

And then you were flipped, so distracted by the thought of your own meal that you didn’t notice that he’d grabbed you until it was too late. He pushed your face into the pillows as you started to wiggle, his other hand clenching the meat of your hip tightly to keep you still as he plowed back into you, making you cry out in surprise and pleasure.

He’s overcome with the need for his own pleasure. With the need to drown himself in the pleasure your body gave him. His cock was twitching, he was so close. So so close. He needed it, needed it more than he needed the air in his lungs. He leaned in-

And you screamed.

Your cry was loud and sharp, like a banshee’s wail ringing in his ears. It shattered the haze in his mind, sent the wool flying from his eyes. He looked down and he saw your skin steaming from where his dog tags had touched your back. You seemed relieved with them gone, your body shaking under him, snarling at him over your shoulder.

It clicked for him suddenly, everythinh falling into place like one horrible puzzle that was missing its final piece. He’d grown up on old stories and legends of creatures that harmed humans, ate them down to their bones but were repelled by iron. His tags were steel, so he supposed they were close enough to iron to merit their effect on you.

You watched him. He watched you.

And then all at once he was moving again, finding your little squeak of surprise both amusing and cute. You were confused but he had never been more certain in his life. As he used you like his own personal whore, his mind was made up. You were his now. You couldn’t leave him. You were the first person in so long to take away the loneliness, the pain.

He flipped you onto your back, holding your hands above your head with one hand as the other whipped his dog tags over his head, wrapping them around your wrists as you hissed at him, bucking wildly. It only served to impale you further on his cock, making him groan with delight before his mouth was on your skin, nails raking down your sides now that you were successfully restrained. And he didn’t stop til you were a drooling whimpering mess on his cock, his cream dripping from your sore hole as he pressed kisses along your face and hands. Showing you how good he could please you and take care of you.

And then, you’d come with him, right? You chose him that night in the woods, and he chose you right back. Except instead of a quick meal, you ended up with a Sergeant who was head over heels for you and refused to leave you out in your woods all alone.

At least he was cute.

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pianostarinwonderland · 18 days ago

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maybe skully isnt dead 🤯 [half copium half srs]

listen. ik ive been on copium for a while. ik we all are, ive seen twitter, tumblr, and everyone’s tags on my posts when they reblog

BUT PLS HEAR ME OUT. IM SO SERIOUS RN WHEN I SAY: if u wanna be technical about it, if u wanna stretch it out somehow, you can argue that the game never outright states that skully is dead, only that the skully we met was from hundreds of years ago.

“but mamsir pianostarinwonderland, how in the fuck can that be???? we HEARD that invisible kiss” LET ME COOKKKKKK 🔥🔥🔥 I SWEAR EVERYONE, I AM COOKING U JUST HAVE TO HEAR ME OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT— knocked out

Ok serious time, let me mansplain to you all the possibility of Skully being alive

Establishing first of all, Twst has kept Skully's nature vague

Simply put: we don't know if Skully is human. In his live 2D, Skully's ears are completely covered. Even in his illustration, we can barely see his ears. It's an interesting design choice. However, in his chibi (which wasn't revealed until Episode 5), we can see his ears aren't shaped like a fae, but are round like that of a human.

However, it's pretty hard to think he's human either, when we consider his "moshi, ne moshi" greeting in Episode 1 and its connection to the supernatural. Voiced, to be noted. Exactly what kind of creature he could be is currently unknown, but because this part was voiced, it's something we need to pay attention to at the very least.

In regards to his mortality, the only clue we're really given is Skully himself saying that he may never meet us except through Halloween, which implies a lifespan similar to a human or something similar. But Skully doesn't know how far into the future that the cast is from. Heck, does he even know of his nature?

Now, addressing that invisible kiss...

I feel like this is the main thing that told all of us that Skully is long gone. Heck, if you catch me in my right mind, I might just tell you that yeah, that should be enough proof that Skully is dead! Little signs from the dead such can manifest in similar ways to what Jamil and Leona sensed: hearing a kiss and feeling a kiss on your hand.

(unfortunately i'm not in my right mind so you're getting my dumb reasons why i'm arguing for otherwise)

However, if Skully is gone, I find it interesting that this is the way they decide to show it. We already know from the very first Halloween event that ghosts can manifest all year round in Night Raven College due to the high concentration of magical power in the area. Outside of that, they cannot be seen. If they really wanted to confirm with the audience that Skully is a ghost, they could have had him appear as such at the end, when they all returned to Night Raven College.

But they chose a scenario where people can draw a lot of conclusions from it: Is their senses getting fucked over as they wake up? Are they still reeling from the magic of the book? (though rationally, we know that Leona is not one to be easily stunned, so the first question is at the very least easy to dismiss)

I've also seen some people theorize that he's using invisibility magic during the invisible kiss scene. And well, while I find that funny, it makes me wonder if he could be some other kind of spirit that's not dead. Like an undead of some sort, which the residents of Halloween Town are. Heck, Azul's card line about Skully talks about how he seems to fit right at home with the Halloween Town residents. Again, we don't know Skully's true nature, but the possibility of him being a species that can turn invisible is interesting.

Moving on, we have what Dire Crowley stated about Skully

At the end of the event, Crowley tells us that he found Skully’s portrait while rummaging through the storage and shows it to us and the 11 boys who went inside the book

What he tells us is that Skully J. Graves is a NRC graduate from hundreds of years ago, before Crowley was Headmage. Note that he only was appointed for the position 100 years ago; the Skully we met is at least from around 200 years ago. During his NRC years, Skully got to share Halloween to NRC. It was a hit, and when he graduated, he spread Halloween all over the world in his travels.

I'd like to take a little detour first to discuss something that's been weighing on my mind: Some people have thought that Crowley is lying to us when he speaks about Skully and his achievements, but... I don't see why he would lie. For one, there is a decent chance that Crowley might not have gotten to see Skully. Even if he did, it's even more unsure if he was involved in Skully's affairs.

However, there's one main reason why I do think that Skully got to live a fulfilling life instead of facing an overblot that killed him or some other tragedy. I'd like to dedicate a longer post to this matter, but to make it concise, I think through Skully, Twst is starting to establish something new regarding their history. I think that historical teachings, folktales and stories, and rumors that are well-known tend to be lies or twisted truths. Whereas those that are obscure and not known are actually what occurred. Skully is called the King of Halloween who's done so much to spread the holiday to the world, yet not even NRC students, who should be the first to know considering that Skully is an alumna, know of him. Although there may be other reasons why that's the case, I like to think that at the very least, Skully's obscurity indicates that he did live the life he wanted and succeeded in working for a future that generations after him can enjoy.

Anyway, that actually isn't the main point of this section of the post, but I kind of want to air that out first. The main point is that Crowley only really said that Skully is a former NRC student from hundreds of years ago who traveled around the world to spread Halloween. But he never told us where he was buried or whether he saw his ghost roaming NRC. He never said anything about Skully being dead.

He probably said the hundreds of years ago bit, carrying the assumption that of course, Skully may have passed away. But we have to remember that we have long-living species in Twisted Wonderland. Fae that were students 200 years ago are very likely to be alive now. Crowley himself is a long-living creature, having been Headmage for 100 years. I think with that in mind, it's important for him to emphasize that Skully's gone if he really is. But he never mentioned it. Therefore, there is a good chance that Skully might just be somewhere else. That or Crowley just doesn't give a fuck where his alumni go, and I might be thinking too deeply about the absence of certain words. Honestly, that's a pretty good chance too.

Lastly, we have the scene where Jack Skellington gets shot down but survives it

Here's where it gets a bit more into speculation, but you're going to have to hear me out.

In the movie, Jack Skellington gets shot down by the military for impersonating Santa Claus. When the Halloween Townspeople watched it, they all despaired, and the mayor started declaring to all that Jack has been blown to smithereens and proclaimed him dead.

But that's not what happened: we find Jack landing on an angel's statue, alive and definitely not blown to smithereens.

And considering that Skully is still very much twisted from Jack Skellington... do you think the writers are pulling a similar move? Making us think that he's dead, just as the townspeople thought he was dead, only for us to learn eventually that he's alive.

This of course depends on what happens eventually in the sequel. From the way things are proceeding, what happened in the Lost in the Book with TNBC is events prior to the movie, and we could very well have the sequel be set during the movie events. (If you ask me, I kind of doubt that actually. I feel like Skellington got inspired by Skully's love for Halloween, enough to stay true to his identity as the Pumpkin King, which would mean the movie wouldn't happen the way we know it. So if anything, I feel like TNBC 2 would focus less on the actual movie and more on the side games where Oogie takes over Halloween Town and even kidnaps Santa and other people, but I admit, that's a stretch, especially considering that we will get Santa giving Halloween Town a taste of Christmas)

Of course, this post is really just to let some of my copium out. Rn, it's still safe to assume that yea, Skully's dead. And though I am coping hard for Skully to be alive, with the way Twst treats the dead, it's not exactly a bad thing. Ghosts continue to stay in NRC like they're living people. They honor the dead, and let the dead live among them. And even if he is in the afterlife and not stuck in the mortal plane, I have faith that Skully did live a fulfilling life that may have been forgotten but clearly changed the world. :'D

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst jp #twst theory #skully j. graves #skully j graves #twst skully #guh yall what is the more common tag being used j with a period or without???#cause im going to terrorize both tags until im in acceptance stage

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just-j-really · 11 months ago

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While I'm on the subject of Dreamling-does-tropes-wrong:

Hanahaki au where Hob's the one with hanahaki. Because I think however you set it up Hob refuses to play by the rules of the genre and the potential there is like catnip to me.

"The cure is confessing your love" variant? Hob's just like "Well fuck this actually" and tells Dream he loves him the moment he starts coughing up flowers. And there's so much potential there!

-Poor Hob tries to confess to Dream every time they interact and something keeps getting in his way- he falls in love in 1689, in 1789 they get interrupted, in 1889 he gets halfway through a confession and Dream YOU DAREs him, in 1989 he gets stood up. In 2022 Dream shows up at his table in the New Inn and Hob just blurts out "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU" before Dream has the chance to actually say anything.

-Modern day, post-reunion, Dream doesn't want to intrude on Hob's life but he does want to see him more so he decides to go for the totally rational move of using his Dream-powers to spy on Hob- which means he gets a front-row seat to Hob slowly succumbing to hanahaki the second their meeting ends. All of Hob's friends/coworkers/acquaintances are REAL worried for him, but he's just like "it's seriously nbd I'll just tell him next time I see him." Dream is also REAL worried while spying from afar, but eventually goes to Hob in person to beg him to confess to whoever he's in love with. (Could be very serious and emotional, could play like that one "just tell them you love them" "alright. hey, I love you." "yes, like that!" meme.)

-Hob blurts out a love confession at... literally any of their canonical meetings, and the rest of the fic is dealing with the fallout. I think the simplest way to do this is 1889, with the confession standing in for "I think you're lonely." I think the most interesting way to do this is 1489, because so much would change. I think the FUNNIEST way to do this is 1589, yes Hob is still married.

But then you can also do the "the cure is having your love requited" variant, where Hob suffers through several centuries with an incurable lung disease. One of his most treasured dreams is that someone will come up with a cure (but for Plot reasons it keeps just not happening, like someone does come up with a cure but the side effects just aren't worth it if you can technically survive having flowers in your lungs. And/or he's never found a doctor he trusted not to freak out if he died and came back on the operating table).

And then you've got options such as:

-Dream falls in love in 1689, and either they start up a relationship right then, or they spend several centuries where Hob thinks they're in a relationship (his feelings were returned, of course they are!) and Dream thinks he's pining hopelessly for Hob, who could never love him

-Dream Does Not realize that Hob is in love with him (and in fact thinks Hob just keeps getting hanahaki, over and over, for different people, and wonders why Death saddled him with the world's Messiest human). And then he falls in love with Hob.

-Dream DOES realize Hob is in love with him. Unfortunately, he falls in love with Hob (or more realizes that what he was feeling WAS love) while fishbowled. Fortunately, Hob notices the lack of flowers, gets worried about what that means (because if his Stranger returns his feelings then why isn't he here? the flowers can't be gone because he's dead, Hob refuses to believe it). Cue a fishbowl rescue!

-Dream falls in love with Hob post-fishbowl, but is in denial about his ow feelings and assumes Hob found a workable cure sometime while he was fishbowled, or got over him. He's VERY SAD about this and can't figure out why. Hob is busy googling 'how to ask out a guy who i empirically know likes me back but only looks at me mournfully when i try to flirt'

Like I want to write this fic so bad but there are so many directions i want to go with it...

#dreamling #my fic #hanahaki au

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hanszoe · 10 days ago

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Idk if you answered this already, but if not, any thoughts on Moblit or his dynamic with Hansi? I like ur analyses

sadly isayama wrote very little on moblit. he's treated unfairly in my opinion, we almost never see him without hansi and don't learn anything about him as an individual outside of that.

i think that the dynamic he was going for between them is actually fun though, i guess because it's an inversion of an existing trope which is kind of uncommon, where moblit is the one going through comical levels of stress worrying over hansi who is constantly in danger. isym is not afraid to depict the common misogynistic stereotype here so i get a lot of fun seeing an inversion of it.

if the acwnr ova is to be believed moblit appeared in the sc by 844 and was already hansi's adjutant by then, so hansi knew moblit much longer than they knew levi. we can assume that he was also one of the veterans held to a high level of trust by erwin.

but unfortunately when i say "moblit treated unfairly" i also mean by hansi, they just aren't paying attention to him which i think contributes to perceptions of hansi as being inconsiderate of others. hansi is moblit's superior and in secondary material has some mentions of being tired he never gives them a break, which if we consider as valid characterization could come from feeling like he doesn't trust them despite their higher rank. moblit also appears to be deeply uncomfortable with hansi's recklessness, which is in contrast with my view of loving them requiring an understanding of their nature, trusting them to know their own limits and taking it seriously when they don't.

it's non canon material but in hansi's smartpass character interview there's also the single mention across any IP related material of suicidal ideation in relation to them and it's directly to do with moblit, i'm so sad i don't have original language for this but a translation presents it as if moblit bringing this up was something that they didn't respond seriously to but became conscious of his doing so. more non manga canon material but we return to ilse's notebook ova and hansi being very aware that to be understood is to be vulnerable, and their holding onto this memory and trying to present it as something they don't understand why he asked i feel like comes from that

i would love so much to know the story of how moblit ended up in hansi's section and as their adjutant, was he hand picked by them and if so why. did he and hansi have such conversations about each other, just how strong was their working relationship

one of their short stories actually depicts how they internally rationalized his final choice, which i wrote once was technically insubordination. i started translating that one and will post it with an analysis later this week

moblit is one of the only two men i will drink with in the afterlife. i feel such a camaraderie with him. i want to ask him all the things the manga never depicted of him and for him to have a break for once. i want to thank him for all of the years he protected and took care of hansi the best he could. giving the ultimate sacrifice to protect them, what can i even say to that? he deserves everything. all of the kindness in the world wouldn't be enough to repay it.

#thank you for the ask and kind comment 💕#i think i like hansi and moblit a lot because they're often screaming at the same time for very different reasons

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itsnotmyfaultsomepeoplecantread · 5 months ago

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Autism is so frustrating because sometimes I just have a severe disconnect between my feelings/reactions/cognition.

"Go to therapy," they said. "It'll help you understand your emotions." Well I did. And in theory, I do.

It never quite worked the same way for me, though, because I can actually rationalize quite well. And that was exhausting because it meant that I had to find a therapist who genuinely understood that. I am very empathetic and very rational. Sometimes, though, my brain doesn't want to be empathetic and rational. Sometimes it's just too many feelings to manage. And I never even knew the reason because I was just labeled as anxious and depressed and probably "crazy" with air quotes around it.

But unfortunately, now that I've gone through lots of therapy and spent a very long time trying to figure out why I was feeling a certain way, I discovered that I still have physical emotional reactions, I'm now just frustrated as shit that I'm having them. Like... I AM rationalizing. I KNOW that my feelings are not valid. But I'm still crying???? I don't want to be crying??? I know what needs to happen and I'm still physically upset. It's frustrating as sh*t. The tears are streaming down my face but that's not what's happening in my head.

I know, technically, that I'm allowed to have feelings. But it feels like such a burden? I'm absolutely terrified about becoming my (very reactive) parents, and that does not help. I don't want to traumatize others with my own anxiety.

BUT on the other hand, sometimes my brain cells just completely stop working. It's like the loading screen on a computer. And that's frustrating because I have STUFF TO DO. I need thoughts!! On some level, I need to be able to cognate. Instead, it just feels sort of blank, and that makes me panic in a totally different way. It's anxiety about being unable to speak. Unable to fully express myself.

And sometimes I express myself and it's just ~anxiety~.

My brain just feels like it's broken into separate spaces that can't seem to align on anything. And that's really what autism is, a lot of times. There is a lot of gray and white matter, but not quite in the right places.

And I have to just accept it, because there isn't a "cure" for autism.

Unfortunately, my ADHD somewhat keeps this in check, because it says "do things! Socialize! HAVE EVERY EMOTION" except then I can't focus on shit, and I'm slightly irritable, and still kinda useless.

#autism #alexithemia #therapy #mental health #audhd problems #actually audhd #audhd

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avastrasposts · 6 months ago

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I loved writing the other Triple Frontier boys in The Pilot and his Girl, and my favourite to write was always Benny. He would always get away with funny lines. These two below the cut were my favourite passages with him.

“So let me get this straight,” Benny says, pointing his beer bottle at Frankie, “you manage to get her number, thanks to Pope’s bet, and you had a great date on Sunday.” “Impressing her with my flying skills,” Frankie interrupts, grinning. “Right, if you say so,” Benny smirks, “then you meet up on Friday and go for drinks, you think some guy slaps her in a bar so you beat up the guy, she freaks and dumps you.” “Technically she didn’t dump me, we were never officially together, just one date,” Frankie interrupts again. “Fine, but she freaks out and you freak out because she freaked out, Pope has to slap you around, get you to text her. She, by some miracle of god, agrees to see you again. You tell her all the shit you’ve been through and she still wants to be with you?” “I’m seeing her on Friday, she’s cooking dinner for me.” “Fish, you are the luckiest son of a bitch I have ever met.”

“You two were way too fucking loud this morning,” he growls, Santi’s morning temper isn’t great and today he seems to have woken up on the wrong side. Unfortunately Frankie and you were probably the reason behind that and you feel a bit guilty. “Sorry, Santi,” you say, handing him your coffee as a peace offering, which he accepts, still frowning, “we were trying to be quiet.” “Hermana, I love you, and I love Frankie, but please…” his frown melts into a pleading look, “I do not need to hear him make those noises.” You bite your lip to stop from grinning and Frankie shuffles behind you, “Lo siento, Pope,” he mumbles and as he passes you to grab the freeze dried rations, you see the deep flush of his neck. “It won’t happen again, Santi,” you say, your grin is definitely breaking through again but you can hear Benny snickering by the camping stove and his mirth is making it very difficult to suppress your own giggles. “Oh it will definitely happen again,” Santi says with an exasperated sigh, “Please just don’t do it with me sleeping next door.” “I thought it was great!” Benny chirps, “took me like ten minutes to figure out where the noise was coming from, I thought it was maybe bear mating season or something.”

#frankie morales #benny miller #pedro pascal character fanfiction #garret hedlund character fanfiction

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astxrwar · 9 months ago

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graydark bucky content with more overt murder/violence vibes under the cut.

deranged!bucky x clinical psych grad student RC who’s maybe like. a friend of peter parkers or sumn. asked to provide off-the-books not-technically-therapy because he has problems with authority + acts way too antagonistic towards Official Therapists with their fancy doctorates and established practices and shit. Tony (everyone lives au for simplicity’s sake. steve imo fucked off to the woods to do art, maybe got a girlfriend or something, Does Not Do That (superhero stuff) Anymore, so i can still play around w the abandonment theme) offers to personally fund her thesis + pay her to the tune of 80k/year which is like. hell yes!! grad students make like below minimum wage when the salary is divided by typical work hours.

I just want more weird thriller vibes with Attraction That RC Should Probably Not Be Feeling but this time with kind of mean!bucky. he’s not like. actually uncaring he’s just struggling with reconciling Enjoying Killing People with like. being a not-evil person, and he’s actively hostile to the idea of giving a shit about anybody for a lot of reasons. but anyway the Plot Elements im thinking about are 1. she def tells him about her life in an attempt to Connect and he straight-up hunts down and kills a past abuser; she doesn’t know for a fact that it was him but like. her gut knows. 2. stalking. oops. i feel like it’s a given for any flavor of deranged!bucky because of the whole WS history, 3. showing up maybe at her college when she’s walking to her car in the evening paranoid she’s gonna get him sent back to prison because atp he’s opened up about the Enjoying Murder thing. which leads to a fucked up kidnapping road trip getting-together fusion. emphasis on the fucked up.

particularly imagining a scene where they stop at a truck stop or something after it’s already been established she’s not going to try to run or call for help because Bucky would probably just. kill whoever’s unfortunate enough to get involved if he thought he was under threat of jail time. anyway he tells her to stay in the car because it’s really late at night and shady as fuck and she Doesn’t and gets cornered by some dude being gross and giving sexual assault vibes whomst bucky kills in front of her by snapping his neck with his bare hands. terror + some deeply fucked part of her finding it kind of hot. something wrong with me I’m afraid

also. distinction between “not going to hurt you” and “not going to *harm* you”, little bit of sadism. for science. knife kink probably. MUTUAL knife kink.

and then underneath all the really fucked up stuff is a really fucked up but also really vulnerable core of him that’s afraid to trust and terrified of people he gets attached to leaving him. first time they fuck he holds her down w the metal hand around her throat (just. keeping it there. a little bit of a threat, mostly an act of possession. i will see myself out) final time before the end of the story it’s with his right hand. because. symbolism. and he begs her not to leave him. or. well. his version of begging which is just telling her “you did this to me (made me care about you) and now you can’t leave/I’ll follow you if you do/ you will never be able to run from me i’d find you at the end of the earth” etc. fucked up control issues speak for “please don’t leave me everyone i ever cared about always leaves”.

I just crave more dark content where RC is not like. cowering or controlled by fear. personally I go right to compartmentalizing/rationalizing under extreme stress and if i thought i might get killed by some guy I was kinda already into with no feasible way out of the situation I would be on my emotional manipulation + trying-to-hit-that game like nobody’s business (bc you’re a lot safer if they see you as a human being. yaaay criminal psychology) but maybe that’s just me being nuts

#more RCs with batshit emotional responses to things. representation matters 😩 (/j)#astxrwar.txt #luke’s brainworms

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ndostairlyrium · 1 year ago

Note

💌 LOVE LETTER

🎨 PALETTE

for all three?

Aw ;; thanks dear, these are super cute!!

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

Elanor

She doesn't, but she does, but she doesn't, but in truth she really craves that kind of romanticism even though she'll never admit it. I picture both her and Alistair as two overgrown kids so their love language can be translated into showing each other gross stuff and laughing, or just saying "eww" whenever the other is being too cheesy. At the same time, they're just very serious about their feelings, they just don't talk about them. They're more actions >>> words, so the content of their letters can be summed up with "yeah dude I kinda miss you" and the reply is "Clingy much?" Absolutely horrible.

Hawke

He does, but he's more of a "I wanna know what you're up to" kind of writer. He wants to know the daily challenges, the happy and the sad, the "you had to be there!"s. He'd write about the weather in detail, the things he misses about being together, he writes down memories that he's sure would make Fenris smile... A total dork who thrives in normality.

Ankh

She never ever exchanged love letters before entering a relationship with Cullen, but when she received her first, heart wrenching, letter in Crestwood she completely fell in love with the idea. They weren't together together at that point, but there was some tension going on between them. Although he wasn't sure about the possibility of a romantic outcome, he wrote her anyway, because she was veeery missed in the war room and reports didn't really tell how she was feeling and such. And she replied instantly, sending him the most awkward letter she had ever written. Backstory of their correspondance aside, I think Cullen's writing is not flowery, but rather descriptive and pragmatic, besides when he tries his hand at metaphors they suck big time. Same goes for her. She does have a rational approach on letters too, but with some twists here and there when she physically needs to add some humor to mask her desperation towards long distance - or events that make her struggle emotionally. Oh, and she's a tease! Unfortunately, Cullen absorbed that trait so he's now a tease as well. Whereas she's a poker - as in she likes to drop hints - he's a finisher, raising the temperature of her threats to inhumane levels. It's not only like that tho. He finds the cutest, terrible, cheesiest nicknames for her, making her giggle like a teenager. During her time at the western deserts of Orlais, she was used to write small diaries to send him every four to five days, attaching souvenirs and various items that he could appreciate whenever the correspondance arrived. Also when it's risky to communicate in ordinary ways, they insert cryptic messages inside reports so to let the other know they're fine. I fucking hate these two, really.

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

Elanor

Absolutely not, even if she took painting classes - that she dreaded. I think that if abstract painting was a thing she'd be a pro. But she'd never try it, really, she's not interested <<

Hawke

Professional doodler of penises in the corner of textbooks pages. He needs to draw alchemic circles and plants in his grimoire for future reference, but he's not really good at it.

Ankh

She can and she's pretty amazing at technical drawing! Can draw straight lines and almost perfect circles. Anything else like portraits, flora and fauna, and all things slighty organic are a bit of a flop tho.

Emoji Ask Meme

#long post #oc emoji asks #ankh #elanor cousland #kerry #I wanna throw them and their LI out of the window and cry for a week straight #they're dreadful! all of them #...and they make me smile like an idiot every single time lol

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petitepatateuwu · 1 year ago

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Forget about punctuality, I think I will never post on time (⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

But look, here is something pretty for you:

. . . I think it looked better on my sketchbook |⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠･⁠ '|

It is said at one point in the show that Mikey is a ballet master, so had the very spontaneous desire to represent it on paper…

… is something I really wanted to be true. Unfortunately, there is more backstory to this drawing than I'd want (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

You see, I once had a strong traumatic experience affiliated with dance, and just the subject being brought makes my brain freeze, caught in a long war between my traumatized braincells who are readying various coping mechanisms and the ones who want to be rational and objective about it.

And if I don't do anything about it, it will haunt me and spoil my feelings towards a show or character.

And NOTHING will distract me from being a Rise fan nor from liking my sweet sweet Michaelangelo so much that I start giggling every time I think about him.

Instead of letting this idea live rent free in my brain and wither in it, I drew Mikey dancing. And it worked.

I have no idea of how the laws of physics work up here, but as long as I can maintain my addiction to TMNT alive, I will not ask any sarcastic questions. (⁠・-・⁠)

Anyway, that was the tragic backstory, now I can talk about the technicalities.

I drew this when I was still in my beginner phase of turtles drawings, but it is around the time when I caught a grasp of understanding about how to draw them. So it is an important step in my rottmnt journey. ✌️

I'll try to finish it when I have access to colour again.

And I think I have said enough. Thank you for stopping by, I hope you're doing well and you're not awoken by nightmares, and have a nice day ⊂⁠(⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠)⁠)⁠⊃

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yeahwhatdidisay · 2 years ago

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The Body Series Book 1: Ch 9 'Whispers'

18+ please!! minors DNI (For other chapters) [Prev. Chapter] [Next Chapter] [First Chapter] [Ao3 link]

Summary: The day started out rough but slowly turned began to get better. Thanks mainly to your best friend, Layla. Unfortunately, like they had been lately, your day caught up with you. You only have yourself to blame.

Pairing: Steven Grant x F Reader, Marc Spector x F Reader, Jake Lockely

Warnings: Angst, mentions of alchohol and hangovers A/N: I think I have some explaining to do. Many apologies for taking so long to post the next chapter. I've been struggling with the work load I've had to endure this year and to top it all off, I lost someone close to me at the beginning of September and it really hit me hard. It's taken me a while to come out of my haze and I feel like the chapters I'd written before have gotten so much better after going over them this past week.

So with that said I'm hoping to get back onto my regular schedule of a chapter every one to two weeks.

Thank you to all the readers who stop by and especially those who leave such kind and lovely comments. You are all greatly appreciated and I am humbled by your kindness.

You slowly opened your eyes the next morning to soft glints of the early morning light seeping into the room. The dim light that comes just before the sun actually rises, basking the room in its soft glow.

Normally this would have been something you would have enjoyed but the pounding headache currently keeping beat in your head made this a less than ideal experience.

You closed your eyes and rolled over, placing your hand over them to deepen the dark you needed to help them from straining.

However, even with the piercing headache you were thankful.

You imagined how much worse it would have been if it wasn’t for your healing ability. Although, you still wished it was completely healed like a wound or a broken limb would have been.

The one thing your healing ability could never fully heal by the time you woke.

A hangover.

Slowly you moved your hand and opened your eyes again, your back now facing the window. With your eyes adjusting to the dim light you began to feel another ache begin to grow within you.

The ache of realizing what you had tried to initiate the night before…with Jake.

Technically nothing had actually happened but you knew you couldn’t ease your guilt with a technicality.

You had been willing to put everything on the line.

You couldn’t explain away how you had acted and you couldn’t deny you would have taken it further if Jake hadn’t stopped you.

What made the whole situation worse was you never once thought of Marc or Steven during it.

You hugged the pillow beside you and tried your best to rationalize.

‘I hadn’t seen Jake in such a long time, of course I couldn’t help but focus on him!’

‘He was ignoring me so I put all my attention on trying to keep his?’

‘It was all the alcohol’s fault!’

You buried your face into the pillow and let out a deep groan before pushing yourself up.

Nothing made what had happened okay. It couldn’t be explained away and your guilt in the whole matter couldn’t be taken from you. You were at fault! This may not have fully been your own doing but you hadn’t tried to fight it in a long time.

What made the whole thing worse and ate away at your chest was if given the same chance, minus the alcohol, you still would have pushed and you wouldn’t have contested it going further. On top of that, Jake wouldn’t have had a reason to push you away.

You raised your eyes away from the pillow and stared at the glints of light that shined on the ceiling and the wall beside you.

What were you doing?! This wasn’t you! Risking everything you had, everything you loved… but that was it, wasn’t it?

You thought about what Jake had said. Were these feelings only because they shared the body? Was that how it happened with Steven and Marc?

You’d loved Steven and cared for Marc before it grew into love. Even before you realized how deep it was… right?

You thought back to the time before you and Marc had decided to start dating officially. How you were both just friendly after finally meeting. How you had enjoyed being around him to the point it grew into a little crush before it ballooned into deeper feelings.

You felt that even if ‘that night’ had never happened you would have ended up together in the end anyway. ‘That night’ just put that outcome on the fast track.

Is the same true for Jake?

Or was all of this based on lust? Did you actually care for Jake or did you just yearn for him on a strictly physical level?

Did he actually have deeper feelings for you or was he right? Was all of his feelings just because he shared the body? Were your feelings only because of the same reason?

And why was it so important that he remained hidden from everyone?

This whole situation was beginning to become too much for you to handle and the only person you could really talk with about it was the other half involved in it. The person you weren’t sure wanted to have anything to do with you.

‘What am I doing?’ you repeated in your mind as you pushed yourself up out of bed and stopped in the kitchen for some water on your way out to the balcony.

The sound of people below starting their day echoed through the streets and up into the sky. You leaned over the edge and watched as some of them made their way to the market down the street to open their stands and shops.

The early morning air, still cool from the night, began to push and sting at your cheeks.

‘What am I going to do?’ you thought again, walking over to one of the chairs she had on the balcony.

How could you fix this? How could you look Steven and Marc in the eyes knowing you had these feelings for their third identity? An identity they knew nothing about. You might as well have been cheating. This was cheating.

“I need to talk to him…” you whispered just as you heard the sliding door open.

“Good morning…” Layla groaned, her voice hoarse from lack of use. “What’s with the sour expression?”

You shrugged.

“Just…looking how I feel I guess.”

“Well that makes two of us.”

She reached out and handed you a cup with what looked like an egg yolk and some spices in it.

“What’s this?” you asked, your voice sounding just as hoarse as hers was.

“It should help with our hangovers.”

You took the cup as she filled it with a clear liquid.“Go ahead and down it but whatever you do, don’t smell it before.”

You looked over at her and plugged your nose before downing the cup's contents in one go.

This was followed by the most god awful guttural sound to match how you felt in that moment. A shiver pushing up through your spine then out to the rest of your body.

“What the heck did you just give me?! Are you trying to poison me?!”

She smiled and downed her own cup, making pretty much the same sound.

“No…not poison…” she said with a scratchy tone, “just using the hangover cure Marc taught me. I think he called it a ‘prairie oyster’.”

“Of course Marc would be behind that!” you complained, shivering one last time before downing as much water as you could.

Layla laughed as she did the same.

“So…what’s on the agenda for today?” you asked, trying to not dwell on the taste that lingered in your mouth.

“Up for more partying?” Layla laughed.

“I’m never drinking again!” you exclaimed.

“Thank the gods! I don’t think I’ve ever let loose like that before! You’re a bad influence on me!”

“Oh please! I’m the guest! You were the mastermind of last night!”

Layla shook her head in denial then started laughing, taking the seat beside you.

“Okay, I secede. What do you say we take it slow? Then, maybe, go to the market down the road later?”

“I think that’s the perfect plan.” you said, leaning deeper into the chair.

At least you won’t be alone with your thoughts for a little while longer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you did literally nothing for the rest of the morning.

You spent the majority of it sitting on the balcony. Talking, sharing, and laughing the way you had the night before, drinking some coffee you both had made and trying to eat the toast that accompanied it.

Unfortunately your stomach’s still weren’t ready for real food yet.

The only other time you both took a break from your morning conversations was when you got up to get your phone from the guest room. You returned a few minutes later, looking down at the messages you’d received with a soft smile on your face.

“The guys?” Layla asked, already knowing the answer.

You nodded.

“We got a few scolding texts from Marc and a couple worried voicemails from Steven.”

“Did you respond last night?”

“I texted Steven letting him know we were okay and sent the middle finger emoji to Marc. He just responded with the angry face emoji then texted ‘be careful’ and a heart.”

You showed Layla the messages and she couldn’t help but laugh.

She missed this light conversation between the two of you and couldn’t help but thank all the gods that you had returned to being yourself.

As the day went on you both regained a little more of your strength and finally decided now was as good a time as any to venture into the market.

Something Layla quickly regretted considering the market seemed extra congested that day.

The two of you ventured into the crowd of people, being pushed this way and that. Trying your best to casually enjoy the small shops and stands when you came across a vender selling small statues of various gods, prints of famous works of art, and animals.

As you scanned over everything you zoned in on a small statue of a cat that seemed to be by itself in the far corner of the table it rested on. Where most of the statues had multiple copies layed out this was the only cat statue of its kind.

This detail wasn’t the main reason the statue had grabbed your focus. No, the main reason you were so interested in this cat was because of the slightly hunched pose it sat in and the sour expression that rested across its face.

You picked it up and held it in your hands, smiling down at its bothered face.

‘It looks just like him…’ you thought.

“Araa’ ‘anak muhtamun bitimhal quatatay alsaghirat alghadibati.”

You looked up to see a kind older man staring back at you from behind the table.

“I’m sorry…I don’t speak Arabic…” you replied, even though you were fully able to understand him.

You’d grown used to pretending that you couldn’t understand most languages. Another perk from your avatar abilities.

“Ah… I see you find interest in my little angry cat.”

“Oh! You speak English…yes. I think his sour face is kind of cute.” You laughed.

“Yes, you would be the first to think this.” The man chuckled. “I have had that statue for a long time. I believe my youngest ordered just the one, but he has remained on my table for what seems like an eternity.”

You smiled at the man and looked back down at the cat.

“Well today is the day that comes to an end. How much would you like for him?”

The man thought for a moment then reached out and closed your fingers around the small statue.

“I believe I was only holding the statue for when you came to claim him. He has always been yours. Perhaps, if you were to show him some kindness his expression will change.”

“But that’s my favorite part about him.” you replied.

The man let out a deep laugh and nodded.

“Then he truly is going to the one who deserves him. May you be forever blessed in your choices.”

You nodded and thanked the man over and over as you walked over to Layla who was looking at some dresses and purses in a nearby stand.

She looked over and saw the little sour cat in your hands.

“He looks angry…where’d you get him from? Are you sure you didn’t pay too much?”

“Not unless you consider free too much. I like his angry face…he reminds me of someone.”

Your voice became hushed until it was barely audible at the end of your sentence.

Layla watched as you looked lovingly down at the little figurine. Then a sudden and familiar pit began to form in her chest.

She’d felt this pit before, back when you had pulled away from everyone but had managed to explain it away to herself. Taking it as an assumption with no ground to stand on, but now that it had returned she began to question her notions again.

Your smile slowly faded as you lightly touched the cat in your hand.

The pit in Layla growing bigger and pushing her nerves to fire the longer she stared at your expression toward the little figure.

You put the small cat in your bag and wiped away at your cheek for a moment before smiling over at your friend.

“Find anything you like?” you said, not noticing how intently Layla watched you.

“Yeah…yeah. What do you think?”

Layla held up a scarf, opting to keep her questions to herself for the time being.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk back to Layla’s apartment was a quiet one.

The sun was now setting after a nice dinner at a local restaurant. Or at least as much of the dinner the two of you trusted to stay down.

Which still wasn’t much.

The mood throughout the late afternoon had noticeably shifted as well.

Layla went from being her usual light self to coming off a little more guarded. The two of you still laughed and enjoyed the conversation, but it was far from as easy going as it had been.

Now, though, it was obvious something was wrong.

“So…are we going to call this a night in?”

You lightheartedly tried to start up another conversation once you both made it back to the apartment. After the long awkward walk home you hoped you could regain the mood of earlier.

“We can watch a movie, any movie! Even one that isn’t in English. I don’t mind reading subtitles…your choice! Ooo, maybe that one you were telling me about earlier today! You know the one with the little boy and his father going off to….”

“Is there someone else?”

Layla’s voice was soft and quiet. Almost as if she didn’t fully mean to say the question out loud.

Your heart sank instantly.

“What? What are you talking about?”

Layla began to shake her head and looked down to your feet. She was hoping if she brought this up she would be able to keep her emotions in check, but feeling them bubbling within her she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Is there someone else?” She repeated, “Is that why you pulled away from all of us? Were you cheating on the guys? Are you still cheating?!”

Her voice began to raise and become more stern. She looked deep in your eyes as she asked the last two questions. You were sure you looked like a deer in the headlights but quickly regained yourself.

“Where did this come from? If this is some joke I’m telling you right now, it isn’t funny!”

“Yes or no, Y/N. Is there someone else?”

Layla was no longer being kind. She had reached her conclusion. A long and well thought out one and although she hoped you would put her assumptions to rest she was ready to stand up for her friends…against another.

You took a breath, ready to deny it all. Ready to keep your secrets like you always had but the look on her face broke your heart more than you anticipated.

She looked at you with anger, yes, but also despair. Her eyebrows were turned up and her face was stretched in a way as if she was pleading for you to put her worries to rest. To assure her these worries were just a big mistake and nothing more.

You turned and looked down at your hands which were now grasping tightly onto your bag straps. You could feel your body begin to tense and slightly shake and a lump began to form in the back of your throat.

You could keep secrets, but you didn’t want to lie. Especially not to Layla.

“N-no…yes…no…” you began to stammer.

“Which is it, Y/N? You either are or you aren’t, it’s not that hard of a question to answer!”

You turned to Layla, whose face was now completely filled with anger.

“I…I’m not…no I’m not but…”

“No! The answer should be no! Just no! There shouldn’t be any sort of continuation to the answer! You should be able to say ‘No, I am not cheating on the two people who I’m supposed to care about the most!’” she yelled.

“Layla…I, I can’t…it’s complicated and I…” you whispered.

“No! You don’t get to explain this away! All I want is the truth! Tell me the truth, Y/N.”

“I … I want…you don’t understand. You haven't been around and I…”

“No, you don’t understand!” Layla’s voice broke and her anger gave way to frustration. “You didn’t see how your actions affected the guys! They were sure you were going to leave! They were so sure they had done something to make you want to leave. So much so they fell back into that dark place they were when I found them! Losing themselves more and more often but it was you! This whole time it was you going off with someone else! How could you do that to them!?”

“I didn’t! I wasn’t…I would never…I��”

“Then why can’t you say there isn’t anyone else?” she interrupted.

She was right. The memories of how worried the guys were and realizing that they were putting themselves through hell just as much as you were. You knew all the details and they were left not knowing. Thinking they were the ones to blame!

Your whole body began to shake and you began to tear up. You brought your hands up to your mouth and you could feel your breath break into a soft sob.

You wanted to tell her. You knew you couldn’t tell her everything but you wanted to tell her what you could.

Layla’s breath broke too. She let out a deep sigh and placed her palm on her forehead.

“Listen…I’m sorry. I know I, I just didn’t want to believe that you could do something like this…but I get it. Marc and Steven come with…baggage. I can see the want to gravitate toward something ‘normal’.”

You shook your head.

“It-it’s not that…I want to explain everything but I…”

You lifted your head, ready to admit that you were an Avatar. Ready to just let her know that the someone else was another part of Marc and Steven but you lost your nerve when you saw Khonshu standing in the corner of the room behind Layla.

He shook his head and raised his finger up toward his beak, signaling for you to remain quiet.

You could feel the hurt and shame give way to an anger that rose within you. You returned your focus to Layla and could only stare apologetically.

“I’m sorry, Layla…I can’t. I just…I can’t…”

You turned and quickly rushed out of the room and toward the guest room.

‘Damnit!’ Layla thought, following you through her apartment just far enough to have the door slammed in front of her.

She raised her hand to knock on it but stopped herself, instead lightly placing her open palm on the cold wood.

‘You messed up, Layla, you messed up big time.’ She thought.

“Y/N…I’m sorry, just…I think it’s better if we don’t…let’s just get some rest. We can talk in the morning. I’m sorry.”

You stood on the other side of the door, wiping away the tears you allowed to flow out of your eyes.

You wanted so badly to explain. Let Layla know what was happening but the ever looming presence of the moon god made it clear you weren’t free to do so.

Layla’s footsteps began to echo from the other side of the door, becoming fainter until you finally heard the door to her room close and shut.

You slid down the wall and buried your face in your hands again.

It was then that you let yourself go and began to sob into your hands. This situation had gotten so much worse and out of hand.

Layla knew…something, and the fact that you had been unable to confirm or deny anything made it almost unbearable.

She must think that you’ve been cheating on Marc and Steven the whole time! Going out behind their backs with some random man! From work? From the university? Someone you met on your walks home? Her mind must be racing!

But she wasn’t exactly wrong.

How were you going to explain this away?

You lowered your hand and saw Khonshu, staring down at you from where he had materialized on the other side of the bed like he had the night before.

“I see I’ve come at a bad time…” Khonshu said, standing on the opposite side of the bed.

You sat silent, the anger on your face being something that he had seen often from you but hadn’t seen in a long time.

It had been so long, in fact, that its appearance caught him by surprise.

Khonshu stood and said nothing. He moved his head from side to side, looking the most bird-like you’d ever seen him.

“I’m sorry, Little Bug…we’ve been summoned.”

You stood up and tried to dry your eyes and cheeks as best you could. You took Khonshu’s extended hand, instantly materializing in your own flat back home.

You hung your head and hugged yourself as you scanned the flat around you. The room smelled like Marc and Steven which made the ache in your chest hurt that much more. All you wanted to do was hug them and apologize for being such an awful person.

“Don’t worry, Little Bug. Marc and your idio…Steven have gone to work.”

You sighed at Khonshu’s usual inability to remember not to call Steven an idiot in front of you but you didn’t contest like usual. This made Khonshu worry.

“I figured that’s where they’d be…” you whispered instead. Taking a moment to wipe away at your eyes again.

“What happened?” Khonshu asked.

“Human stuff…” you answered, ��Nothing you could fix, or even be interested in.”

“I could try…” he said.

You looked up at him and let a faint smile grow across your face. Khonshu’s answer warmed you. Masking over the anger you felt toward him.

In all the years you’d known him he had never even tried to pretend to be interested in anything having to do with your ‘human troubles and worries’. He was a proud, immortal god who didn’t have time to worry about such trivial things, but he was willing to try at this moment.

You also knew none of this was his fault. You needed somewhere to direct your emotions and the god became the focus of what had turned to anger.

“Thank you…” you replied just as Thoth appeared before the two of you. Materializing between blinks.

“I asked for one thing! One thing and the two of you decide to disobey me!”

His voice boomed through the room as if it were a cavernous space. Echoing around you and feeling as if it could pull you apart at any moment. “I asked you to do nothing and yet you defy me and do as you wish!”

You straightened up but hung your head, averting your eyes. Partly because of the shame that overtook you and partly to keep him from seeing that something else may be wrong.

“Don’t blame the girl. She did what I asked to keep the body safe.”

“She still chose to defy me! Regardless of the reason, there must be a consequence for disobeying my orders!”

“Wait, Khonshu only sent me to find an artifact like he’s always done.” You said, instantly regretting doing so and returning to hanging your head and averting your gaze.

“You used your higher abilities for a task that wasn’t of my own decree. You of all people should know your higher abilities are not to be used whenever you please! Add to this offense the fact that you were working for another god while using those abilities! Would you like me to continue?”

You shook your head as a reply.

“She didn’t know I was sending her to retrieve that particular artifact, Thoth. I was also the one who coaxed her into using her higher abilities. If anyone is to be punished it should be me and me alone.”

You looked up at Khonshu then over to Thoth, who looked as if he was thinking over what Khonshu had said.

His gaze was to the floor. His hand rested under his beak and his eyes began to take on an angrier stare. It was slight and subtle but in that moment you felt the fear begin to creep in.

You never feared Thoth.

He was not one of the gods that could be described as ‘vengeful’, but you had also never seen him angry. You wondered what a punishment from him could entail. Would you lose something precious to you? Would you need to atone for your actions on a different plain? Would you be able to see the people you cared about?

“I can’t be lenient and ignore the punishment for defying my word lest you both choose to defy me again.”

The panic inside of you began to bubble up to the surface as you instinctively took a step back from the two gods. You needed to think quickly before it was too late.

“Wait,” you interrupted, hoping to stop Thoth from making a decree that couldn’t be undone, “I know where the whispers are coming from!”

“What?” Thoth replied.

Khonshu looked over at you, surprised. He wasn’t expecting that type of information to come, especially at a time like this.

“Have you been further disobeying me, Scribe?”

“No, no…I was helping out at an excavation site. They’ve unearthed what they think is a tomb or a shrine of some sort and I heard the whispers coming from within it.”

“Was there any writing?” Thoth asked.

“Yes, but most of the tomb is buried deep within the side of the mountain and the part that was unearthed was too damaged to read. I was able to make out ‘APO’ though.”

“Hmm…” the Ibis god hummed.

“Take us there.”

“What? How, I…”

“Imagine the location and take my hand again.” Khonshu instructed, reaching out his hand to you.

The instant you took his hand you found yourself high up on the ridge overlooking the site. You could see the last of the archeologists cleaning up their tools and areas as they began to light the lanterns around them.

“It seems we have come at an inopportune time.” Thoth stated. “You two will wait here for the humans to clear.”

“Yes, Thoth.” The two of you replied in unison.

“And as for your punishments…”

He took another moment to continue thinking before announcing his decision.

“My Scribe, you will no longer be able to tap into your higher abilities without my explicit permission. Aside from your added strength and your suit, your healing abilities and the summoning of your fog form will be the only added abilities you may use. All else must have my permission.”

“I understand…”

“And you, Khonshu. I will add only 300 years to your punishment, rather than the 1,000 you deserve. I would thank my Scribe for sharing the added information she found. It’s what saved you both from a harsher punishment.”

“Understood.”

“I do not wish to have this discussion again.”

With that Thoth disappeared leaving the two of you alone to wait for the people below to clear out of the excavation site.

You took a seat at the edge of the peak, bringing your knees up and resting your crossed arms on them along with your chin.

Khonshu continued to watch you beside him, neither of you speaking while you continued to wipe the tears away from your face.

“Little Bug?”

“Yes?”

“Did I do something to make you cross? I hadn’t seen that angered expression of yours for a long time.”

You let out a breathy laugh and shook your head.

“No…you didn’t do anything. I just needed someone to be angry at and you were the only other person in the room other than Layla.”

“I see…”

He looked off into the distance of the darkened desert. He felt he was starting to understand your ‘human emotions’ a little more.

“Is this about Jake?”

“Kind of…yes.”

Khonshu again returned to staring down at you when he thought of something that could possibly make you feel better.

“Will it help to know why you shouldn’t reveal him to the others?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @delicatespiritualitysciencebat

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