#but ultimately this is my blog and I write what interests and provokes my thoughts/emotions

[veilder]

Hi! Would you happen to have Convin or Reed900 fics to recommend?

Oh, hello! I can definitely help you with Convin fic recs at least, lol! Reed900, not so much, but there are plenty of blogs around that you could ask for that ship. ^_^ But yeah, I’ll try to categorize these as best I can! And give a little summary, too! :D

Longfics 75k+ (Complete)

1. Mission: Unexpected by J11nxed (@j11nxed) Rated E (violence, sexual content, language, abuse): Super great casefic with lots of amazing character development. Very funny. Probably my favorite characterization of Connor and Gavin, lol. The fic I read when I’m feeling down. ^_^

2. Golden by jarpad (@embaggins on Twitter) Rated M (dark themes, mature content, allusions to self-harm/suicide, mental health issues, language): An absolutely beautiful story of healing and overcoming your demons handled in a very respectful manner. The subject matter is very thought provoking and it brought me to tears, both cathartic and not, more than once. It’s a heavy story, but... So worth it, imo.

3. like roses, death blooms by alekszova (@ewates) Rated M (violence, rape, torture, abuse, mental health issues): A very, very dark revenge fic. Definitely the darkest one on this list. If you like heavy angst, this might be for you, though please heed the tags. A lot of this story is about the aftermath of horrific events but there are still some very brutal scenes.

Mid-length fics 20k-75k (Complete)

1. Running Uphill by NHMoonshadow (@sharysisnhmoonshadow) Rated M (violence, peril, language): The ultimate time travel soulmate AU fic imo. Absolutely top tier Gavin characterization and development. Rich backstories and relationships. Definitely some trauma, omg. But ultimately, a happy ending. Definitely a must-read for any Convin fan imo.

2. Traces by berryblonde (@berry--blonde) Rated M (language, peril, minor suicidal ideation): One of the first long fics I ever read for this ship and still one of my faves. Excellent casefic setup, very interesting premise and some very dynamic characters. Also, really A+ backstory for Gavin. This is basically a classic for anyone who wasn’t around in the early days of fandom. Highly recommend!

3. His Robin by wolfetz Rated T (drama, language): Absolutely fantastic coming of age story set in a human!AU world. Really great character work for both Connor and Gavin and their relationship through the years. Love this one.

4. A Scratched CD/A Faulty Code by consecrated Rated T (mental health issues, language): Companion pieces told from Gavin and Connor’s POVs respectively. These were also very early fics I read when I was first getting into the fandom and I love them both dearly. The characterization here went a long way towards me loving the ship to begin with. A great intro to Convin.

5. That Boy is a Powder Keg by QueenHarleyQuinn Not Rated (language, violence, mature content, mental health issues): One of the most realistic takes on Gavin going from his canon asshole self to someone who could feasibly be in a relationship with Connor. I’m definitely due to re-read this cuz I can’t quite remember the details anymore, but I know I really enjoyed this at the time. Good for anyone who likes a more antagonistic take on him.

Shortfics/Oneshots (~20k)

1.  Sedum Spathulifolium by Burrahobbit Rated T (language): This fic... is so dang sweet. I’ve read it so many times. It’s absolutely adorable, what can I say? Love their dynamic here. ^_^

2. Always know that you are not alone by Liveinelf Rated T (language, drama): Another fantastic take on Gavin and his growth as a character. He starts off very close to canon here and is one mean asshole. But this fic does a great job of explaining why he acts as he does. And how he changes. Highly recommend.

3. Some things never change by berryblonde Rated T (language): An absolutely hilarious fic, lol. The view of Convin through the eyes of some rookie trainees, omg. It makes me laugh so much. XD

4. Mankind Needs More Empathy by BrightestStarInTheSky  (@brighteststarinthesky) Rated T (language, drama): Some good old-fashioned Gavin-getting-his-head-out-of-his-ass, lol. I love fics like this. Need a good basis to start a relationship, after all. Apologies are in order. ^_^

5. as i see them by rekal Rated T (language, drama): Same as the previous entry, this one deals with Gavin’s character growth and how he and Connor grow closer in the aftermath. It’s lovely.

6. Sweet/Wise men say... by 99MillionMiles (@99millionmilesaway) Not Rated: Two short, sweet fluff pieces that absolutely delight me every time I reread them. And as a bonus, some beautiful art by @deep-in-mind67, too!

7. Melted Phoenix by Astrapod Rated M (violence, trauma, mental health issues, mutilation, peril): This one... This is a heavy fic. It starts off with a very harrowing description of android violence that might be too much for some folks to handle. Proceed with caution. But, if you can weather that, this is an absolutely beautiful fic about love and healing. Definitely recommend.

8. So Pathetic and So Lovely by alekszova Rated M (language, drama, mental health issues, mature themes): I think the fic’s description speaks for itself here: “ Neither Gavin or Connor think they are capable of being loved by the other, but that doesn't mean it's true.” Definitely worth a read.

9. An unexpected turn of events by Smokey310 Rated T (language): This one is freakin hilarious. Connor and Gavin and a night out at the club, omg. I love this fic to death. XD

10. As Do I by berryblonde Rated T (drama): A human!AU where your soulmate can feel the injuries of their other half. It’s the story of a lifetime together. All the way til the end.

11. because the bed’s warm and it’s cold out by voidpants (@voidpants) Rated G (no warnings): Connor and Gavin being old men together. It’s beautiful. Such a lovely take on the two of them.

Unfinished Fics/Honorable Mentions

1. Spinning Yellow by sheepishwolfy (@sheepishwolfy) Rated E (violence, language, mature themes): Amazing casefic with top-tier characterization. What’s written of it is still amazing, even if it’s not complete.

2. Amidst a Crash of Worlds by fireplanetz Rated T (violence, mature themes, war, language): A fic told entirely through letters between Connor and Gavin in the aftermath of the bad ending of the game. It’s such an awesome idea and it’s executed so well. Definitely recommend. 

3. The Bet by Pence Rated T (language): Brooklyn 99-inspired DPD shenanigans. Need I say more? It’s so funny and I love the characterization of Connor and Gavin. Mostly finished, too! Just the final chapter missing!

4. Wicked by MercuryPilgrim Rated M (language, mature content): I love this one. It’s such a unique take on Connor and Gavin and it works so well, too. They are delightful here. Love the dynamic!

5. (can’t say) i don’t love you by Chibbers (@teh-chibi) Rated M (language, drama, sexual content): An angsty hanahaki!AU fic where these two idiots don’t realize they’re in love with each other. Really great writing here. Very emotional. Made me feel a lot.

And I guess I should mention that I have fics of my own, too, about half of which are Convin? You can check them out on my AO3 here! ^_^

So yeah, there we go. Those are really all I can think of off the top of my head. I know I missed some amazing works, too, alas. But at least this can give you a good start, yeah? Hope this helps @pancrystal! And thanks again for the ask! :D (Also, if I messed up any of the link or if there’re any glaring typos, lemme know. This was a lot of janky, Tumblr formatting, omg. >_<)

[knightotoc]

I think every Maul stan in the world has a Jedi Maul AU, and I am no exception. It's the only AU I've ever written because I am not into AUs generally, but I just love Maul that much.

When I do write something branching off of the story, I always make it someone's day dream and write it from that point of view. I've done that a lot. My Jedi Maul AU could be a day dream of Maul's or perhaps a vision of Obi Wan's. But it's the only one of my branch-off stories that I'm fine with it being its own reality, because he's just the kind of guy you'd stop the world for.

(There are some published "AUs that are actually daydreams," too. Luke has two good ones -- the opening of the TLJ novelization and his Age of Rebellion comic. Maul actually has a "Jedi Maul AU that is a daydream" in his Age of Republic comic, though, like most Maul comics, it is not very good. I suppose the vision of Evil Rey in TRoS also counts as an AU daydream. Add it to the Maul-Rey parallels pile: naughty babes who love to cross-dress across the Sith-Jedi binary.)

My other favorite characters to write about (Ani, Obi Wan, Padme, Palpatine) also have lives made out of bad decisions, but I've never thought of a way to branch off that would be more interesting than what they already have. With Padme and Palpatine (and the clones), their stories need a lot more details and emotions to make sense, but I don't want to change the stories themselves. (Dooku has more gaps than anyone but he's such a weird twisty plot-important story that I'm obsessed with making him work for me.)

Anakin and Obi-Wan are constantly thinking about what might have been because Qui Gon, their rock, is dead. So their whole lives are shoulda-coulda-woulda, spineless decisions, and dramatic mistakes. It's AUs all the way down. But their fate has been set since 1977 so they're just gospel.

Maul meanwhile is the ultimate filler, whose situations and motivations bend every direction to accomodate the in-between plots and heroes (Ahsoka, Ezra, and Alden Han). He's already doing literally whatever. He's a king now, he's a zombie now, he knows everything, he has amnesia. If Anakin's story is gospel, then Maul's is one of those Christian-coated pagan things like Christmas or Beowulf, and Jedi Maul is the gentlest of heresies.

As with all happy Star Wars AUs, the biggest hurdle to cross for Jedi Maul is how to defy Palpatine's big evil plan. It is weirdly airtight. You could just write Palpatine out, or have the Jedi discover baby Maul instead, though that's not very interesting to this Sheev-lover. I want Maul to beat him. That's really tricky. In my story, it requires one massive stroke of luck, a lot of Jedi to behave themselves versus a demonic child, and a genuinely provoked Plagueis. I can only believe it would happen because Palpatine is a lot younger (Maul is 5 and Palpatine is 33) and because Anakin isn't a factor at all.

I think, for Ani, if and only if you take that guy out, you can do whatever the hell you want. Maul spells that out in Season 7, though he is, as per usual, thwarted. Kylo figured that out in TLJ, and it's exactly the source of his power. Traya knows that (Anakin=Revan), though Kreia, like Padme and Obi Wan, can't bear it. (The ways Anakin/Revan affect Padme and Arren Kae are written by sexist cowards who don't want their stories to revolve around women's feelings even though they literally do. You don't have to make an AU of RotS or KotOR II to make Padme and Arren the most important characters, you just have to write the original stories better.)

Anyway this ain't about Ani --

I should make a side-blog for my stories, but I don't know. I get sad enough when people misread my comic book analyses on DSWCP. I would be nervous to share my stuff, even though I'm proud of it. Maybe in November after I'm done with Questober. Publishing these will involve a lot of hunting and reformatting; they are a real mess right now.

[chenvs3000]

This Is Just The Beginning

Although this class may be coming to an end, our journey as nature interpreters is just beginning. As we reach the end of the semester, I wanted to revisit the three main questions we’ve been asked throughout the semester: (1) who am I as an interpreter, (2) who is my audience, and (3) how can I make this experience meaningful (Beck et al., 2018).

First, who am I as an interpreter? Just because I don’t have a job as a nature interpreter, doesn’t mean I can act as a nature interpreter for the people I interact with in my life. I have two main identities as a nature interpreter: (1) a citizen and (2) a scientist. How I interpret nature in these two roles may differ, but I still feel a moral obligation to spread awareness about nature, conservation, and sustainability everyday.

This class hasn’t necessarily taught me anything new about nature, I know just as much about the environment as I did in January. But the key thing I have learned is how to share this knowledge. As a citizen, I have learned how I can converse with those around me in a way that I can spark an interest in nature and inspire them to live sustainably on their own terms. Nobody likes to be forced or pushed to live a certain way, but effective nature interpretation can inspire people to change all on their own. This is tied to my personal ethical belief that nature interpreters must have autonomy. Autonomy means that individuals have a right to self-determination, that is, to make decisions about their lives without interference from others. This essentially means that we can teach people and try and inspire them to continue their personal journey and relationship with the environment, but at the end of the day we can’t force them or judge them for not being more proactive about conservation. I have also learned new ways to interpret my research findings better as a scientist. I have learned that writing about new findings isn’t enough, and for any type of presentation to be meaningful you must explain why it is important in a broader environmental context. The most important lesson I have learned is that role of interpretation is to make intellectual connections between what the audience already knows and new information I am trying to provide, and make emotional connections so they can learn why something is important and why they should care about it.

Another key aspect about who I am as an interpreter relates to who I am as a person. My privileges, personal learning style, ethics, and beliefs all impact who I am as a person. And while these facets of my identify can sometimes help me connect with my audience, they can also hinder my connection with them as well. For example, my learning styles are spatial and interpersonal. I learn best with mind-maps or charts connecting ideas and bouncing ideas of others and actively discussing topics. It’s quite funny because me and my roommate discovered we have completely opposite learning styles as hers are intrapersonal and logical-mathematical. She often found when we studied together, my talking and disusing would distract her and hinder her from thinking about topics and understanding them – but I couldn’t understand them without talking about aloud with someone else. I used to always approach teaching as if I was trying to teach myself, but I have learned that everyone learns differently so this teaching style isn’t always effective. I have learned that I must manipulate how I present in a way that anyone could understand and learn from my presentation.

A picture I took using self-timer in Killarney, ON with my roommate Sarah - the one with a completely different learning style than me. 

Second, who is my audience? Like I said previously, sometimes I’m may be interpreting to my friends and family, and sometimes I may be interpreting in a professional setting to strangers. As an individual, there are certain approaches I can take to spark an interest in nature while I have their attention (Beck et al., 2018). First, you have to approach conversations with a good-natured demeanor, because a brash or confrontation demeanor can cause the listener to feel attacked or not want to listen to what you have to say. This is especially important when talking about touchy subjects or controversial topics like religion, politics, or using live animals for education. I’ve also learned to emirate confidence. I can get nervous especially in front of groups or strangers, so this is easier when I’m talking with close friends and family. But I’ve notice when listening to others speak that confidence promotes engagement and active listening, and really helps the audience believe in the credibility of the facts and be inspired by the information – especially when the presenter is visibly enthralled and excited about the topic. And lastly, I’ve learned that enthusiasm and passion is contagious. The energy you surround yourself with is the energy you bring into your life. I have such a deep love for the environment, but not everyone seems to always think its as cool as I do. But when you speak and are truly excited about what your talking about, you create an atmosphere of inspiration. I pressure my mom not to rake up the leaves this past fall because I learned that leaves can provide over-winter habitat for bees, and provide lots of nutrients for the soil in the spring. She thought I was crazy and hated the idea because “leaves are messy”, but my passion and visible enthusiasm about doing this is what ultimately convinced her that this must be important because of how excited I was about it.

A picture I took of my tree plant crew. I hired this amazing group of people to work on my crew this past summer, and they have listened to many of my passionate talks about nature - teaching them about the importance of replanting forests, and how the results of their work will quite literally live on for 70+ years. 

As a scientist, the internet and social media are really some of the only platforms to promote research papers and make new research findings available to the public. Working with professors and academics I have learned that social platforms like Twitter, LinkedIn, and personal websites/blogs are great ways to spread research. Some professors even become guests on podcasts to talk about their research. The mantra in Richard Louv’s book The Natue Principle is that the more high tech our lives become, the more nature we need (Hooykaas, 2021). And while I agree with this belief, this course has also taught me that technology can be a steppingstone to developing a relationship with nature. May people these days live in urban cities where it is difficult to find a place nearby where they can escape and experience nature, and this can be especially impactful for children. But, as we have learned, the internet and virtual teaching approaches can actually be very effective for nature interpretation. Technology can provide a doorway to teach children about nature and provoke their curiosity. Interpreting nature consists of helping people to fall in love with nature and accepting that protecting and conserving something requires us to love it first, and to do so we need to know it. Technology is one of the most effective tools we have to spread environmental messages, and introduce the public to new topics, and hopefully we can inspire them enough to keep wanting to learn and do more.

A screen capture from the website for the lab I work in at Dalhousie University. We use this website, along with twitter and LinkedIn accounts to promote new research papers written by members of the lab. https://www.seafloormapping.ca/

Finally, how can I make this experience meaningful? I’ve touched on this a couple times in the paragraphs above, but I truly believe that the way to make a presentation special is about shifting your audience’s perception. Interpretation is about opening people’s minds to wonder and new ways of perceiving the world, beyond normal every day thinking (Beck et al., 2018). It’s very similar to seeing the world through the eyes of a child, romanticizing the mundane, and learning to love nature in its raw and chaotic forms. In summary, it’s not about making your presentation special, its about showing your audience that nature is special – and as a result your presentation will become inspiring and meaningful. There are certain approaches to do this effectively depending on your audience, but the key role of interpretation is the same no matter who you are or who you are presenting to.

I have two questions for you to think about after reading this post:

(1)  In what role(s) do you see yourself applying what we have learned in this class. It could be as a park guide, a parent, a mentor, a researcher, or a friend. (Remember, anyone can be an interpreter)

(2) Looking back, who as been an unexpected/unofficial nature interpreter in your own life. Maybe it’s a family member who first introduced you to nature, or a teacher who took you on a field trip. 

Thanks for reading:) - Claire

Sources: 

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting cultural and natural heritage for a better world. Sagamore Venture Publishing LLC.

Hooykaas, A. (2021). Unit 10: Nature Interpretation’s Role in Environmental Sustainability [Course Website]. University of Guelph Courselink. https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2597605/View

Hookyaas, A. (2021). Unit 08: The Role of Technology in Nature Interpretation. CourseLink. https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/666945/viewContent/2594169/View.

[zdbztumble]

GUNDAM WING review

For how much of it appears on this blog, Pokemon is more “comfort food” entertainment than a great passion of mine, and the same was true when I was a child. Back in my late grade school days, the two shows that dominated my thought, my viewing schedule, my play and my early writing were Dragon Ball Z and Gundam Wing. Like a lot of kids, I can thank Toonami for that. But while I’ve checked in on Dragon Ball, off and on, since those days, I haven’t seriously revisited Gundam Wing since it left Toonami years ago. Sharing OPs with a friend on Discord led to the Wing openings coming up, however, and with the series being free to view on Crunchyroll, I thought I’d give it a rewatch.

There’s no subtle way to put this - Gundam Wing does not hold up to my childhood memories. It’s a mess of a show that frequently falls short of its own ambition. But it remains an enjoyable - even admirable - mess.

The single biggest reason that Gundam Wing is such a mess - the single biggest reason for nearly all of its flaws - is that it’s too short. At 49 episodes (two of which are given over to a clip show recap halfway through), the show isn’t long enough to contain all the story it wants to tell. By way of demonstration, and for those who don’t know/remember the series, I tried to summarize the basic plot of the series in just a few paragraphs here.

Look at that. Look at all that text in a basic outline. That was me paring away all but the most essential details needed to understand what happens in the series. Now imagine trying to fit all of that into 47 episodes while also including character interaction and development, action sequences, aesthetic elements, and a good chunk of essential information being revealed via backstory and vague insinuations only fleshed out in the OVA and manga series.

Things start out promisingly enough, with the action beginning on Operation Meteor and the initial conflict emerging gradually. But it doesn’t take long for the brevity of the series to work against the intrigues happening within it. To say that the show falls into “tell, don’t show” would suggest that it gets across more information than it actually does. Narration opens most episodes with some degree of recap, and occasionally within episodes, but this device is established from the first episode and is usually effectively used in the context of ongoing action. The problem spots are where the show neglects to tell or show almost anything.

Because the series is so short, and because all screentime is spent with either the series leads or the major supporting characters, there’s never an opportunity to showcase the state of world and colonial affairs, and little opportunity taken to describe them outside of the opening narration. Consequently, any feeling of oppression, subjugation, or desperation for the colonies - and thus, a sense of what the Gundams are fighting for - isn’t present at the beginning of the series, and doesn’t ever really emerge. There is some sense of danger towards the end of the series, but it results from the various conflicts that happen within the show, not the state of affairs from the initial premise. Earth’s condition is similarly underdeveloped; if anything is showcased on Earth, it’s beauty. Characters will occasionally talk about the desperate straits of the Gundam pilots, and the pilots themselves will take developments like the targeting of the colonies or their betrayal to heart. The VAs and the animation are strong enough to sell such developments, but the lack of world-building to support them does hurt the series.

But it’s the developments around the Sanc Kingdom and Relena’s relevance to the story suffer the most from the show’s failure to show or tell. After Zechs liberates the kingdom, Relena’s installation as its ruler is set up but never depicted. Relena’s outreach to other nations, and her building up support for total pacifism, is also never shown, and barely discussed. She and Zechs are never even seen to have a conversation until near the very end of the series. There’s plenty of discussion of how inspiring and charismatic Relena is, and why she should be heeded and protected, but with none of the work behind that charisma shown and little of it discussed in detail, there’s little emotional resonance to be had here. Relena’s efforts as queen of the world are slightly more fleshed out, but when Zech’s declaration of war against Earth happens in the same episode - happens, if memory serves, less than a second after Relena makes significant inroads - the notion of Relena as an effective spokeswoman for pacifism is severely undercut by the series’ own haste.

Beyond the plot, all of this naturally damages Relena’s character. Relena begins the series as a somewhat bratty, somewhat depressed girl often neglected by her family due to her stepfather’s job, who finds Heero’s sudden presence in her life a vicarious if dangerous thrill. The murder of her stepfather and the revelation of her true identity further shake her out of teenage ennui and move her to take part in the great events of her time. Like the show itself, it’s a promising beginning, but because Relena’s greatest achievements are glossed over - and because, being a pacifist and a diplomat, she can’t be involved at the point of action - Relena ends up spending a lot of time on the sidelines, looking grim or worried. Worse, when the final conflict between Treize and White Fang emerges, Relena is completely ineffectual at trying for peace with Zechs, and any opportunity for her to use the soft power of her (brief) reign as ceremonial monarch to further the cause of peace isn’t taken, leaving her largely irrelevant to the finale. Relena is less a full-fledged character in Gundam Wing than a solid concept for a character that couldn’t grow to fruition in the time allotted.

The same could be said of the series protagonist, Heero Yuy. In his case, there is at least a bit more told; his scientist mentor describes him as a kind-hearted young man whose devotion to his mission has rendered him a dangerous assassin, Relena instinctively latches onto what kindness and idealism she can sense in him, various characters are inspired by his skills and his devotion to his mission. But there’s little to no evidence of the kind-hearted young man underneath the child soldier, at least not in the initial episodes. We only see the cold-blooded Gundam pilot, and that pilot has the worst starting luck out of any of them, from his Gundam being brought down to his attempts to destroy it failing. His willingness - even eagerness - to die for his cause comes up so often in the beginning of the series that it ends up losing its punch. But being the series lead, and getting more screentime by dint of being a Gundam pilot, Heero does ultimately get fleshed out more than Relena. His remorse over inadvertently killing the Alliance pacifists and his blunt but pragmatic advice to the other Gundam pilots do let his softer side emerge later on. His struggle to find a reason to keep going in the fight in the middle of the series - something multiple characters go through - is rather muddled (not helped by some obtuse and stilted dialogue, another major fault in the series), but he comes out of that mess resolved to protect Relena and defeat White Fang - so much so that he not only unites with the other pilots, but designates Quatre Raberba Winner as their leader instead of himself because he recognizes what’s best for the team. The series ultimately benefits from his being the main character because of developments like this, but the journey is more awkward and choppy than it needed to be, and his romance with Relena and rivalry with Zechs are never fully convincing even if their basic mutual interest in one another is.

Stilted dialogue more than absent material is what most works against series antagonists Zechs and Treize, though Zechs’s lack of scenes with his sister and an abrupt jump from Sanc Kingdom spokesman to genocidal avenger are an issue. The philosophical notions that pepper Zechs’s and Treize’s monologues and conversations - the nature of war, the value of soldiers’ sacrifice, mankind’s natural proclivities, the possibility of peace and what it would take to achieve it - are all fascinating, and I’m still amazed that a show that spent so much time on these subjects was put in an afterschool block bound to attract younger kids back in the day. But for every speech that’s thought-provoking and emotionally resonant, there are three that are a chore to sit through and a puzzle to comprehend. Granted, the Crunchyroll subtitles for this series aren’t the best, so that may partly explain and excuse this problem. But especially in the middle of the series, where allegiances shift and motivations collapse, having the principle antagonists be so difficult to understand isn’t ideal.

Then there are the plot holes - mostly characters who somehow survived apparent deaths with little to no explanation - and characters who just don’t work. One of them is unfortunately a Gundam pilot - Chang Wu Fei, an arrogant misogynist wrapped up in his own ideals of combat who resists any teamwork or even temporary alliances with his fellow Gundams until the very end of the series, and is an unreliable partner even then. None of this would make him a bad character - one hardly needs to be likable or relatable to be an effective and compelling presence in a story - but Wu Fei has virtually no chemistry with the other Gundams, or any character, when actually does interact with them, except for ex-Alliance soldier Sally Po. His standoffishness and stoicism are traits shared by Heero and Trowa Barton, making his seem redundant, and his professed ideals of combat are muddled by bad dialogue. His great rivalry with Treize is also on shaky ground; they only interact twice in the entire series. But Wu Fei is at least comprehensible; Dorothy Catalonia, a Romefeller spy who takes an almost sexual delight in war, is not only obnoxious and intrusive when she appears in the second half of the series, but her motivations seem to swing wildly, her allegiances impossible to follow, and I sorely wish she had died by the end of the series.

With all of those faults laid bare - I did say the show was enjoyable and admirable in spite of everything, and indeed it is. Wu Fei may be redundant and Heero only a partial success as a character, but the other three Gundam pilots are well-realized, so much so that I’m baffled to see various critiques of this show imply that they’re static and one-note. Duo Maxwell is essentially the same person at the end of the series as he was at the beginning, but he’s a wonderful source of levity in the series, and he does have his trials and his low points that contrast well with his typical personality; his moments of anger and despair are some of the best in the series for selling the stakes of the conflict in the absence of proper world-building. Trowa, while much less emotive, goes through a significant journey, with his sibling-esque relationship with circus performer Catherine far more emotionally satisfying than either the Peacecrafts’ bond or Heero and Relena’s romance.

And then there’s Quatre, my new favorite character from this series. I didn’t take a great deal of notice of him as a kid, but rediscovering his story has been my favorite thing about this rewatch. A bright, gentle, and friendly personality, disdainful of violence but prepared to fight for a worthy cause, driven to despair and madness by the loss of his father and the ZERO system, only to emerge as the repentant leader of the Gundams, instrumental in bringing them together as a unit and binding them to Relena’s ideals; of all the pilots, he sees the most growth and change, and all the essentials to his story actually make it on screen. He also has the allegiance of the Maganac Corps, a group that doesn’t have a great deal of importance to the series...but they do have a cool name and cooler mobile suits.

And if Relena is somewhat lacking as a female lead, Gundam Wing does have Sally Po, military doctor turned guerrilla fighter and stalwart Gundam ally, and Lucrezia Noin. For a character that could easily have just been Zech’s love interest, Noin sees a degree of growth throughout the series to rival Quatre’s, moving from OZ instructor to Sanc Kingdom defense captain to the instigator of the Gundams as a unit, working to defeat the man she loves. The show also avoids sexualizing any of its female cast, so - a point for that, I guess.

The designs of the Gundams are all unique (as are their abilities), and some are downright beautiful. The other mobile suits are varied as well and easy to identify, making combat easy to follow. The quality of the combat - and the animation in general - is hit and miss, but it’s never atrocious, and when it’s solid, the end result is some great shots and action. The series also boasts a fantastic soundtrack, with lovely instrumental themes and two great opening songs (though why “Rhythm Emotion” was brought in with only ten episodes left to go on the series still baffles me.) 

All this contributes to Gundam Wing being enjoyable, but what makes it admirable is actually the stilted dialogue and overstuffed story that bring it down. To attempt a series that ruminates on the nature of war and the various philosophical positions around its necessity or lack thereof, of the chances for real peace, for the evolution of humanity if were to move into the stars, and the interpersonal conflicts between various characters, would be a tall order for any series, and not the easiest thing to make into visually compelling animation. That Gundam Wing made the attempt at all shows ambition and aspiration on the part of its writers and staff. As I’ve said at length here, it was frustrated by its short running time and the weaknesses of story elements and characters, but an ambitious mixed bag - even a failure - that aims high is a much more admirable (and interesting to watch) affair than a success that aims low.

And, in its failures to get certain elements across, Gundam Wing shows enough of what it was trying to do that I, at least, can forgive some (not all) rough patches. Characters like Heero and conflicts like the Gundams’ basic fight for the colonies still work despite their flaws. And the final run of episodes, where White Fang and Treize clash and the Gundams work around the battle to save the day, are incredibly strong. It’s a finale that surpasses much of the content preceding it, and if it would’ve been improved by that content being better, it still works because the intent of that earlier content can still be perceived.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed rediscovering Gundam Wing, and I’d like to check out the dub again when I’m in a position to renew my Hulu subscription. For now, though - there’s a certain waltz to attend to...

[the-desolated-quill]

Watchmen - Movie blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t seen this movie yet, you may want to before reading this review)

A movie adaptation of Watchmen had been in development in some form or another since the graphic novel was first published back in 1987. Over the course of its two decade development cycle, being passed from filmmaker to filmmaker who each had their own vision of what a Watchmen movie should be, fans objected to the idea of a movie adaptation, describing Watchmen as ‘unfilmmable.’ Alan Moore himself condemned the effort to adapt his work, saying that Watchmen does things that can only be done in a comic book. But where there’s a will, there’s a way, and in 2009, Watchmen finally came to the big screen, directed by Zack Snyder.

I confess it took me a lot longer to write this review than I intended and that’s largely because I wasn’t sure how best to approach it. Snyder clearly has a lot of love and respect for the source material and tried his best to honour it as best he could. Snyder himself even said that he considers the film to be an advert for the book, hoping to get newcomers interested in the material. So how should I be looking at this film? As an adaptation or as an artistic tribute? More to the point, which of the three versions of the film should I be reviewing? The original theatrical cut, the director’s cut or the ultimate cut? Which best reflects Snyder’s artistic vision?

After much pondering, I decided to go with the director’s cut. The theatrical release was clearly done to make studio execs happy by keeping the runtime under three hours, but it comes at the cost of major plot points and character moments being chucked away. The ultimate cut however comes in at a whopping four hours and is arguably the most accurate to the source material as it also contains the animated Tales Of The Black Freighter scenes. However these scenes break the narrative flow of the film and were clearly not intended to be part of the final product, being inserted only to appease the fans. The director’s cut feels most like Snyder’s vision, clocking in at three and half hours and following the graphic novel fairly closely whilst leaving room for artistic licence.

Now as some of you may know, while I’m not exactly what you would call a fan of Zack Snyder’s work, I do have something of a begrudging respect for him due to his willingness to take creative risks and attempt to tell more complex, thought provoking narratives that don’t necessarily adhere to the blockbuster formula. Films like Watchmen and Batman Vs Superman prove to me that the man clearly has a lot of good ideas and a drive to really make an audience think about what they’re watching and question certain things about the characters. The problem is that he never seems to know how best to convey those ideas on screen. In my review of Batman Vs Superman, I likened him to a fire hose. Extremely powerful, but unless you’ve got someone holding onto the thing with both hands and pointing it in the right direction, it’s just going to go all over the place. I admire Snyder’s dedication and thought process, but I think the fact that his most successful film, Man Of Steel, also happens to be the one he had the least creative influence on speaks volumes. When he’s got someone to work with and bounce ideas off of, he can be a creative force to be reckoned with. Left to his own devices however, and his films tend to go off the rails very quickly.

Watchmen is very much Snyder’s passion project. You can tell a lot of care and effort went into this. The accuracy of the costumes, staging and set designs speak for themselves. However there is an underlying problem with Snyder trying to painstakingly recreate the graphic novel on film. While I don’t agree with the purists who say that Watchmen is ‘unfilmmable’, I do agree with Alan Moore’s statement that there are certain aspects of the graphic novel that can only work in a graphic novel. A key example of this is its structure. Watchmen has the luxury of telling its non-linear narrative over twelve issues in creative and unorthodox ways. A structure that’s incredibly hard to translate into any other medium. A twelve episode TV mini-series might come close, but a movie, even a three hour movie, is going to struggle due to the sheer density of the material and the unconventional structure. Whereas the structure of the graphic novel allowed Alan Moore to dedicate whole chapters to the origin stories of Doctor Manhattan and Rorschach and filling in the gaps of this alternate history, the structure of a movie doesn’t really allow for that. And yet Snyder tries really hard to follow the structure of the book even though it simply doesn’t work on film, which results in the movie coming to a screeching halt as the numerous flashbacks and origin stories disrupt the flow of the narrative, causing it to stop and start constantly at random intervals, like someone kangarooing in a rundown car.

Just as Watchmen the graphic novel played around with the common tropes and framing devices of comics, Watchmen the movie needed to play around with the common tropes and framing devices of comic book movies. To Snyder’s credit, there are moments where he does do that. The most notable being the first five minutes where we see the entire history of the world of Watchmen during the opening credits while ‘The Times They Are A-Changing’ is played in the background. This is legitimately good. It depicts the rise and fall of the superhero in a way only a movie can. I wish Snyder did more stuff like this rather than restricting himself to just recreating panels from the graphic novel.

Which is not to say I think the film is bad. On the contrary, I think it’s pretty damn good. There’s a lot of things to like about this movie. The biggest, shiniest gold star has to go to Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. While the movie itself was divisive at the time, Haley’s portrayal of Rorschach was universally praised as he did an excellent job bringing this extreme right wing bigot to life. He has become to Rorschach what Ryan Reynolds is to Deadpool or what Mark Hamill is to the Joker. He is the character (rather tragically. LOL). To the point where it’s actually scary how similar Haley looks to Walter Kovacs from the graphic novel. The resemblance is uncanny.

Another standout performance is Jeffery Dean Morgan as the Comedian. Just as depraved and unsavoury as the comic version, but Morgan is also able to inject some real charm and pathos into the character. You believe that Sally Jupiter would have consensual sex with him despite everything he did to her before. But his best scene I think was his scene with Moloch (played by Matt Frewer) where the Comedian expresses regret for all the terrible things he did. It’s a genuinely emotional and impactful scene and Morgan manages to wring some sympathy out of the audience even though the character doesn’t really deserve it. But that’s what makes Rorschach and the Comedian such great characters. Yes they’re both depraved individuals, but they’re also fully realised and three dimensional. They feel like real people, which is what makes their actions and morals all the more shocking.

Then there’s Doctor Manhattan, who in my opinion stands as a unique technical achievement in film. The number of departments that had to work together to bring him to life is staggering. Visual effects, a body double, lighting, sound, it’s a truly impressive collaborative effort, all tied together by Billy Crudup’s exceptional performance. He arguably had the hardest job out of the whole cast. How do you portray an all powerful, emotionless, quantum entity without him coming across as a robot? Crudup manages this by portraying Manhattan as being less emotionless and more emotionally numb, which makes his rare displays of emotion, such as his shock and anger during the TV interview, stand out all the more. It’s a great depiction that I don’t think is given the credit it so richly deserves.

Which leads into something else about the movie, which will no doubt be extremely controversial, but I’m going to say it anyway. I much prefer the ending in the film to the ending in the book.

Hear me out.

In my review of the final issue of Watchmen, I said I didn’t like the squid because of its utter randomness. The plot of the movie however works so much better both from a narrative and thematic perspective. Ozymandias framing Doctor Manhattan makes a hell of a lot more sense than the squid. For one thing, it doesn’t dump a massive amount of new info on us all at once. It’s merely an extension of previously known facts. We know Ozymandias framed Manhattan for giving people cancer to get him off world. It’s not much of a stretch to imagine the world could also buy that Manhattan would retaliate after being ostracised. We also see Adrian and Manhattan working together to create perpetual energy generators, which turn out to be bombs. It marries up perfectly with the history of Watchmen as well as providing an explanation for why there’s an intrinsic field generator in Adrian’s Antarctic base. It also provides a better explanation for why Manhattan leaves Earth at the end despite gaining a newfound respect for humanity. But what I love most of all is how it links to Watchmen’s central themes. 

Thanks to the existence of Doctor Manhattan, America has become the most powerful nation in the world to the point where its disrupted the global balance of power. This has led to the escalation of the Cold War with Russia as well as other countries like Vietnam being at the mercy of the United States. It also allowed Nixon to stay in office long after his two terms had expired. The reason the squid from the book is so unsatisfying as a conclusion is because you don’t buy that anyone would be willing to help America after the New York attack. In fact it would be more likely that Russia and other countries might take advantage of America’s vulnerability. Manhattan’s global attack however not only gives the whole world motivation to work together, it also puts America in a position where they have no choice but to ask for help because it was they that effectively created this mess in the first place. So seeing President Nixon pleading for a global alliance feels incredibly satisfying because we’re seeing a corrupt individual hoist by his own petard and trying to save his own skin, even if it comes at the cost of his power. America is now like a wounded animal, and while world peace is ultimately achieved, the US is now a shadow of its former self. It fits in so perfectly with the overall story of Watchmen, frankly I’m amazed Alan Moore didn’t come up with this himself.

It’s not perfect however. Since the whole genetic engineering stuff no longer exists, it makes the existence of Adrian’s pet lynx Bubastis rather perplexing. Also the whole tachyons screwing with Doctor Manhattan’s omniscience thing still doesn’t make a pixel of sense. But the biggest flaw is in Adrian Veidt’s characterisation. For one thing, Matthew Goode’s performance isn’t remotely subtle. He practically screams ‘bad guy’ the moment he appears on screen. He has none of the charm or charisma that the source material’s Ozymandias had. But it’s worse than that because Snyder seems to be going out of his way to uncomplicate and de-politicise the story and characters. There’s no mention of Adrian’s liberalism or his disdain for Nixon and right wing politics. The film never explores his obsession with displaying his own power and superiority over right wing superheroes like Rorschach and the Comedian. He’s just the generic bad guy. And I do mean bad guy. Whereas the graphic novel left everything up to the reader to decide who was morally in the right, the film takes a very firm stance on who the audience should be siding with. Don’t believe me? Just look at how Rorschach’s death is presented to us.

It’s very clear while watching the film that Zack Snyder is a big Rorschach fan. He gets the most screen time and there’s a lot of effort dedicated to his portrayal and depiction. And that’s fine. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. As I’ve mentioned before in previous blogs, Rorschach is my favourite character too. However it’s important not to lose sight of who the character is and what he’s supposed to represent, otherwise you run the risk of romanticising him, which is exactly what the film ends up doing. Rorschach’s death in the graphic novel wasn’t some heroic sacrifice. It was a realisation that he has no place in the world that Ozymandias has created, as well as revealing the hypocrisy of the character. In the extra material provided in The Abyss Gazes Also, we learn that, as a child, Walter supported President Truman’s use of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and yet, in his adult life, he opposes Adrian’s plan. Why? What’s the difference? Well the people who died in Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren’t American. They were Japanese. The enemy. In Rorschach’s mind, they deserved to die, whereas the people in New York didn’t. It signifies the flawed nature of Rorschach’s black and white view of the world as well as displaying the racist double standards of the character. Without the context of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Rorschach’s death becomes skewed. This is what ends up happening in the movie. Rorschach removes his mask and makes a bold declaration to Doctor Manhattan, the music swells as he is disintegrated, defiant to the last, and his best friend Nite Owl screams in anguish and despair.

In fact the film takes it one step further by having Nite Owl punch Adrian repeatedly in the face and accuse him of deforming humanity, which completely contradicts the point of Dan Dreiberg as a character. He’s no longer the pathetic centrist who requires a superhero identity to feel any sort of power or validation. He’s now the everyman representing the views of the audience, which just feels utterly wrong.

This links in with arguably the film’s biggest problem of all. The way it portrays superheroes in general. The use of slow motion, cinematography and fight choreography frames the superheroes and vigilantes of Watchmen as being powerful, impressive individuals, when really the exact opposite should be conveyed. The costumes give the characters a feeling of power, but that power is an illusion. Nite Owl is really an impotent failure. Rorschach is an angry bigot lashing out at the world. The Comedian is a depraved old man who has let his morals fall by the way side so he can indulge in his own perverse fantasies. They’re not people to be idealised. They’re to be at pitied at best and reviled at worst. So seeing them jump through windows and beating up several thugs single handed through various forms of martial arts ultimately confuses the message, as does the use of gratuitous gore and violence. Are we supposed to be shocked by these individuals or in awe? 

Costumes too have a similar problem. Nite Owl and Ozymandias’ costumes have been updated so they look more imposing, which kind of defeats the purpose of them. The point is they look silly to us, the outside observers, but they make the characters feel powerful. That juxtaposition is lost in the film. And then there’s the Silk Spectre. In the graphic novel, both Sally and Laurie represent the changing attitudes of women in comics and in society. Both Silk Spectres are sexually objectified, but whereas Sally accepts it as part of the reality of being a woman, Laurie resists it, seeing it as demeaning. The only reason she wore her revealing costume in A Brother To Dragons was because she knew that Dan found it sexually attractive and she wanted to indulge his power fantasy. None of this is touched upon in the film, other than one passing mention of the Silk Spectre porn magazine near the beginning of the film. There’s not even any mention of how impractical her costume is, like the graphic novel does. Yes the film changes her look drastically, but it’s still just as impractical and could have been used to make a point on how women are perceived in comic book films, but it never seems to hinder her in anyway. It’s never even brought up, which is ridiculous. Zack Snyder’s reinterpretation of Silk Spectre is clearly meant to inject some form of girl power into the proceedings, as she’s presented as being just as impressive and kick-ass as the others, when the whole point of her character was to expose the misogyny of the comics industry at the time and how they cater to the male gaze. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the graphic novel did it perfectly, but it did it a hell of a lot better than this.

Die hard fans have described the film over the years as shallow and ‘style over substance.’ I don’t think that’s entirely fair. It’s clear that Zack Snyder has a huge respect for the graphic novel and wanted to do it justice. Overall the film has a lot of good ideas and is generally well made. However, as much as Snyder seems to love Watchmen, it does seem like he only has a surface level understanding of it, hence why the attention and effort seems to be going into the visuals and the faithfulness to Alan Moore’s attention to detail rather than the Watchmen’s story and themes. While the film at times makes some good points about power, corruption and morality, it doesn’t go nearly as far as the source material does and seems to shy away from really getting into the meat of any particular topic. Part of that I suspect is to do with marketability, not wanting to alienate casual viewers, but I think a lot of it is to do with it simply being in the wrong medium. I personally don’t think you can really do a story as complex and intricate as Watchmen’s justice in a Hollywood film. In my opinion, this really should have been a TV mini-series or something.

So on the whole, while I appreciate Snyder’s attempt at bringing the story of Watchmen to life and can see that he has the best intentions in mind, I don’t think this film holds a candle to the original source material. 

[ntyghe]

This blog has been written by my freind and business partner Harry Room. We have studied music together and we share similar passions and music tastes. We came together to create a record label called mint man records which we plan to release both our music on. I will also he producing his album.

Nathaniel and I could both be classified as people of intense thought, We are both prone to falling down rabbit holes that are not always necessarily pleasant. Naturally when we moved to trying to express some of these feelings via music we drifted towards creating soundscapes that would reflect this turmoil in a way. The main hypothesis behind i loves you stanley was synthesised after I came to the conclusion that although most of my favourite music is weighty in subject it always sounded in a way positive and happy.  And this was the main driving force behind the project. In short could we make music in which the listener could both cry and dance. Laugh and be provoked into thought. In this sense a lot of the influences for the project tended to follow that sentiment. I was drawn to the world of pop music. Actively looking at how I could simplify some of the lyrical content in order to fit that more accessible criteria. I was looking at the writing of morrissey and David Byrne in the way they would create homes and characters and stories that the listener could empathise with. In my opinion the use of language can sometimes be overtly simple & obvious further lending to the accessibility  

I was keen to have a lot of recurring motifs on the record, I think the most obvious one is the ‘Pink Blossom’ Motif, I’m quite prone to bouts of depression and i’m also not blessed with being altogether in tune with my emotions often need friends around to process things out loud. When I first moved to London it was quite isolating and it was around about this time I noticed I was sort of zoning out to things I would normally find quite beautiful as a precursor to one of these episodes. The symbolism of Pink Blossom was a metaphor to remind me of the simplicity and beauty therein. Furthermore there are an abundance of references throughout to flowers on the record. This hawks back to the idea of the music being quite polarizing. Weighty and yet Happy. Flowers to me represent little moments of beauty in a backdrop of infinite chaos that is life, Referring to the Buudhist sentiment of all life being suffering which i hold to be quite true, Sometimes life and survival can be something as banal of finding small moments of wonder to justify suffering. This is what Pink Blossom represents to me, This is what Music represents to a lot of people.

The title ‘I LOVES’ YOU, STANLEY!’ came early on, I have a tendency to write backwards, Often beginning with titles and shaping the song to feel and sound however the title provoked me into feeling. This particular title is lifted from a Nina Simone record titled ‘I LOVES’ YOU,PORGY’

I’m not sure why that stuck with me. Ultimately I think I just liked the way it sounded, those words tend to provoke a lot of interesting ideas. Also i like the Nina Simone callback, She has influenced my writing a fair bit. As for Stanley I'm not too sure either, Stanley was a name cropping up a lot at the time. ‘Stanley donwood? Perhaps. His art is quite prominent in Bath and of course Glastonbury where I grew up and still have family. 

In terms of sonic and instruments used, We wanted it to feel quite organic and colourful. I’m a big advocate of using limitations to enhance creativity. I also feel that the more limitations you impose on yourself the more unique and personal the product becomes. As a result we’ve been trying to use only a handful of instruments and only things we can physically see and touch. The main instruments are acoustic and electric guitars,Drums and Bass. Influences involve Weyes Blood, The Beatles, Cocteau Twins, Radiohead, Mazzy Star, Violent Femmes, Kate Bush, Bjork, Leon Russell,George Harrison, Nina Simone,Hoagy Charmichael,Leonard Cohen,Harry Nilsson,Joni Mitchell, Alice Phoebe-Lou,Massive Attack,Vashti Bunyan,Chet Baker,The 1975,connan Mockasin,Arctic Monkeys, Young Fathers, Carpenters, Laura Marling, Jonny Greenwood, Portishead, loving,Jon Brion, Mac Demarco, Men I trust and T.Rex 

A lot of film scores, Folk Music and soft rock. As well as Pop structures and leaning towards conversational lyrics. 

[stonestridernerd]

♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡ ♡♡♡♡♡

Well, @shuuhuu is a supportive sweetheart, constantly sending asks! I may be slow when it comes to answering them, but I love seeing them in my inbox. Of course, their characters are also beautifully written and I love their detailed writing. 

I’m amazed by how much quality writing @unabashedrebel can juggle. He’s responds to all these RPs in a timely manner, while still finding time to write stories on the side. All of which are beautifully written, with engaging dialogue and vivid scenery. 

I know I’ve said this over and over again, but I adore @koszmar-zycie. He helped me first branch out and start RPing here nearly a year ago. The threads we do are among my favorites, whether it’s Kuina and Xiuying flirting or Koszmar and Kennocha talking about life. 

@heroya-of-the-warsong is also an amazing person. I’ve enjoyed our RPs, as their characters all have fascinating stories. Yet that speaks nothing of them OoC, as the conversations we’ve had have been wonderful highlights of my playtime. Finally, I still fangirl when I see their art. Heck, I still have her work of Kennocha saved as my phone background, as it’s a gorgeous piece that reminds me of the awesome people I’ve meet here. 

Speaking of artists, @peachykaty has some of my favorite works here. In addition, it’s been a delight RPing with her characters, and occasionally writing for them. She has such a wide cast of varying characters and personalities she jumps from that it still amazes me how she balances them all. 

@dravatti is also a fantastic artist. They produced some of my absolute favorite Inktober pieces, ranging from tauren beauties and troll priests to aurin darlings and elven warriors. I don’t know how to properly explain the style or colors, but I get excited seeing it. 

Of course, there’s an amazing troll artist here as well. @potionmaster-kiefeon is wonderful to see, whether it’s in the city RPing or here showing off another sketch. I freaking adore her character design and get so excited when I see an update from her. 

@kuzi-the-hunturr also ranks here. Whether it’s her Sims AU, art, or asks, I’m delighted to see her run across my notifications. She’s sent in some of the most thought provoking asks to me, whether to Kennocha, Winoa, or Kij’aza. Heck, the story prompt she sent to me is turning out to be a gloriously fun challenge to write. I’ve got the whole thing outlined so far, but I’m still trying to figure out how to properly write it to honour her sources. 

While we’re on trolls though, I consider @leahdarkspear to be a linchpin in the community. She connects so many troll RPers, no matter if here or in her guild. Leah is fun to see drawn out and written about. I’m still so happy that I was able to RP in one of her events. 

Among the first people I followed on tumblr was @zookeeper-cielsy. Whether her character if focused on baking, fishing, or zoology reports, I love reading what the traveling elf is up to. The detail they put into their work, whether writings, aesthetics, or art; is incredible. 

I need to catch up with @squadron-of-damned‘s characters. I can’t imagine the work it’s taken them to write and draw their comic, but it’s surely worth it. I love watching their characters go on their adventures, as well as seeing the little details of love they put into the work, such as the different penmanships for different characters. 

I actively read @curiouscodex‘s threads. No matter who they’re with, I’m assured that I’ll reach the last update with a smile on my face. His characters are just so charming and delightful to read. In addition, he’s also mentioned interesting headcannons about Kaldorei astrology, which have been fun to research for my night elf. 

Of course, @belillinafireseeker has been fun to RP with. Watching Winoa and Bella interact is a pleasure, whether the former is defending the elf from a horde of bunnies or simply playing a game. OoC, she’s also a shy darling that I need to speak more with. 

My first interactions with @leavenohoofprints left an impact on me. See, one of her first messages in my inbox was a glorious pun, followed months later by an answered prompt full of them. Along with enjoying her wordplay, I adore her aesthetics and style of writing. 

@magemoraluna is another draenei darling I adore. Just last night, I was up rereading her latest stories as a moment of realization dawned on me about her mage. They offer an interesting perspective with her journal entries, along with her various RPs. While I haven’t talked with her much, I admire her kindness and thoughtful writing. 

There’s also @puppet-master-jihye. I adore how she writes Jih’s often...unusual perspective through song, conveying the melody through the screen. The imagery she provokes is incredible. You can tell the writer spends a lot of time preparing these tales, thoughtfully piecing together works of art. 

Another supportive person is @viceofalltrades. I love going through their writing, as the character is an oddly enchanting one. In addition, they are amazingly supportive, constantly liking not only my work, but others as well. 

@patiencekindnesscourage is yet another encouraging person here. Though I don’t know much about their character, I love seeing them come across my dash or chat with others OoC. They are just so kind and considerate, that while their username certainly displays these characteristics, you’re not quite ready for how supportive they are. 

And how can I not mention @nesuna-nightwinter? The darling is the type of person to cheer on everyone they follow, constantly cheering on artists, aesthetic blogs, and writers alike. They inspire me to be kinder to others, as well as having been one of the biggest inspirations to take a leap of faith and start RPing a Kaldorei. 

Among my favorite ships in RP is between @musingsofamute and @petra-gampre. The two are absolutely adorable. Reading them together is sure to ultimately end in me at least sporting a dorky ‘look at those lovebirds go’ grin. Even when they interact with other people, their characters are just so darling. 

@discipleofhethiss has some of my favorite aesthetics, as the collections are gorgeously shot and varied. They have good taste. While I don’t know much about their character, I’m quite interested based on what I currently know and what’s implied. 

I don’t interact terribly much with @feelmyrayne, but I’ve had some amazing RP with them. Their characters are well written and a delight to watch interact. I’m not quite sure what to say about what’s been going on with them, but I root for them and pray for things to get better. They deserve all the love. 

@kelzthalassunwhisper is also an incredible person. Encouraging dragon RP, they ooze passion and love for their craft. I’ve had a lot of fun roleplaying with them on discord, as well as chat OoC. In addition, I’m still not over her dragonsworn contest, which was amazing to participate in. 

There’s also the elven wonder that is @tanefrun. I love reading the tales of the young Kaldorei hunter, as seeing her go on her adventures is a delightful change of pace. Normally, elves are seen and played as these ancient figures, but she turns them inside out when she goes on the young and eager Tanefrun. I’d love to RP with her on Rowan someday....

OoC, I’ve had the delight of speaking to @orland-and-friends / @bloop-bot. The conversations are a nice change of pace from my usual talks with others. I can’t thank them enough for letting off some steam and making them think about other points of view I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise.

I’ve also had the pleasure of talking with @thenotsolittlelady​. Their art is also incredible, but I mostly remember them for our casual conversations. When I was freaking out about everything last year, they helped me take a deep breath and take about other things. Thank you.

@nakpunchcow- I haven’t interacted with you much, so I was quite surprised when you sent me that message after an off post. The stress felt it was killing me at that point, so I wrote something to get it off my chest. I was planning on burying those words under other posts, so seeing you message me was both unnerving and encouraging. I still don’t really know what to say to you, but thank you for the reminder that I’m not alone. 

@asharri has many wonderfully interesting characters. The aesthetics and writing are on point, as well as their support of other blogs including myself. They’re a delight to see come across my dash, as their content is simply incredible.

Finally, there’s fellow Shu’halo RPer, @fuzzymigglet. I haven’t interacted much with you, but I remember Winoa seeing you preform in game at this server event (I can’t remember the name of the event or what guild was hosting it, but it was at the Temple of the Jade Serpent). That was beautifully emoted, so when I found out you had a tumblr, I was so pumped. 

Welp, this took 2 hours to compile, but thank you for letting me share these anon!

[sahibookworm]

If you have been following my blog for a while, you probably know that despite being an avid fantasy and romance genre lover, I really enjoy both genre fiction as well as non fiction with strong political themes. And politics for me includes a broad spectrum like actual electoral politics, civil rights and discrimination of marginalized groups, feminism and other gender related topics, the effects of capitalism and corporations – basically anything that affects the lives of individual people or the country as a whole in both the short term as well as the long term. I also really love it when genre books include such important themes but as metaphors to the real world, giving us the opportunity to escape to new worlds but also engage with real life issues.

As such, I have a bunch of books in various genres that I would love to recommend and hope that you’ll enjoy them too.

 Fiction

I think it’s not a surprise that Red, White and Royal Blue is at the top of the list. It doesn’t mean that I think it’s the best or anything, it just happens to be my favorite. And I loved how it explored so many themes like election campaigns and how they don’t always work the way we think they do, the unique struggles of a female presidential candidate (which we have also been living since 2016) and what happens when you add biracial children and homophobia to the mix, and also the importance of having an accepting and supporting family.

I’m a huge fan of anthologies and A People’s Future of the United States is one of my favorites. It’s full of speculative fiction stories about all the different paths our country might take in the future, and how there are always going to be people who will fight for the rights of those who are being oppressed. It’s powerful, thought provoking and hopeful, and I hope you all will give it a chance.

Take the Mic is another favorite anthology of mine but this is about youngsters in our world trying to fight both personal and macro level oppressions through resistance everyday in whatever little way they can.

The Test is a novella which is just around 100 pages but the way it handles the topics of immigration, citizenship and xenophobia and makes us question our own humanity is a complete mindfuck and the author is a master storyteller.

I love books that talk about feminism in any genre and I thought Watch Us Rise has excellent commentary on intersectional feminism as well as body shaming from the perspective of teenage girls and though it could be a bit high handed at times, I really enjoyed this book.

We Set the Dark on Fire is one of my favorite YA fantasies and the way it handles themes like illegal immigration, the refugee crisis, and inane concept of a border wall is excellent and very relatable to our own real world situations.

This may just feel like a romance novel (which it is and a wonderful one at that), but it explores the much relevant theme of racial profiling of Black people by the police in our country (and discrimination of black and brown people in general) and even though it’s a topic we all are quite aware of, the way author writes it just hits you hard. There’s one particular scene that is especially harrowing and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. Definitely recommend this one for all romance genre fans.

Non Fiction

Drift is actually a pretty old book which I read a few years ago, but I have a feeling that the topic it deals with – military industrial complex, the bloated budget of the Pentagon and the never ending wars – are still relevant today and it was very eye opening for me.

Blowout on the other hand is about the Oil and Gas industry across the globe and the way this industry has destroyed the lives of millions of people, often with the full support of politicians and governments. This is an expansive book about what happens when unchecked greed in a highly unregulated industry runs rampant and I would highly recommend the audiobook.

In Why? Explaining the Holocaust, the author goes back a long way in history to trace back the origins of the hatred towards the Jews as a people, all the other groups like the Catholic Church that fanned the flame and how it ultimately culminated in Hitler and the Holocaust. This book is a very informative and thoroughly researched work and I would definitely recommend if you are interested in the topic.

The Retreat of Western Liberalism was probably one of the first non fiction books I read after the 2016 election and it talks about the fall of liberalism as an ideology and the rise of far-right groups across the globe, and the author also gives some scary scenarios of what might happen in the US as well. It’s an important cautionary tale and while it may feel a bit dated now (a lot has happened in the last three years), I still think parts of it are relevant and worth giving it a try.

This is a very inspiring and hopeful collection of essays by ten young women who got the opportunity to work in the Obama White House and they talk a lot about what others who are interested in public service can do and what kind of jobs are done daily by the President’s staff. It’s not always as glamorous as shown in TV but it’s very important work and I loved reading this book.

The first reaction any woman reading Invisible Women will have is anger and exasperation. Anger that sexism has permeated every aspect of society in such deep rooted ways that it’s difficult to even think about how to solve the issues the book talks about; exasperation because even in 2020, we are still second class citizens in many ways we don’t even realize. I don’t wanna give any details but if there’s one book I will highly recommend this Women’s History Month, it is going to be this one. Just pick it up and be ready for your mind to be blown by the unfairness of it all.

You might be wondering why Burn it Down, a book about women’s anger is political but I believe that historically women have been discouraged from using anger as an effective emotion to express themselves and act of trying to reclaim that anger now is inherently political. This is a collection of essays by authors about how they have used the anger they feel in other productive ways and I promise you, it’s very very relatable. And I think the topic is currently highly relevant because the female candidates for President are always questioned why they are shouting or being shrill or angry, while a male candidate behaving the exact same way never gets any criticism.

Both She Said and Catch and Kill are about the countless women who were sexually harassed and raped by Harvey Weinstein for a number of decades and getting away with it through money, power and intimidation tactics. But other than this particular case, the books also give a glaring look into how men in power use all the money and resources available to them to do whatever they want, and how other people in power aid them to succeed in this harassing behaviour and cover up. They are hard to read, but are amazingly written and are a testament to the courageous survivors who finally decided to speak up and share their traumatic stories. Highly recommend and very relevant after the sentencing he received in New York just about ten days ago and more probable cases being filed in California soon.

Finally, my last recommendation is a history book but please don’t discount it as boring. When we think of colonialism or imperialism, the countries that come to mind are usually Britain, Spain or other European nations – but we never think of America in the same vein. In How to Hide an Empire, the author reveals the duplicity of our country’s politicians in spouting anti-imperialist platitudes in public while actually occupying many countries and oppressing the colonies in horrible ways – and this is a book that traces the history of American colonies from the 19th century till the present day. This is an eye opening read and something I believe everyone should read just to get an idea of our own country’s often forgotten history.

Have you already read any of these books? What did you think of them? Have I convinced you to pick any of these? Let me know which of these books interest you the most and why in the comments below….

Book Recs: Books with Political Themes If you have been following my blog for a while, you probably know that despite being an avid fantasy and romance genre lover, I really enjoy both genre fiction as well as non fiction with strong political themes.

[allisonawakened]

Thank you for the answer about free will, it's something that has really bothered me lately, I've always believed in free will but certain things like when people talk about karma and astrology that confuses me a lot but I'm not sure I believe in karma anyway except just consequences and thought cycles and patterns. Could I also ask what play astrology has to do with this if free will is a thing and astrology is very fixed? Especially Vedic astrology, or their beliefs about astrology. Thank you!

( part 2 ) Oh and I must say that I’ve started to get a weird feeling when I focus on certain things, it’s like I’m more aware of how things I do everyday interact with my past and present and how my focus could really change my personality and who I am in the long run. It’s very subtle energies but at the same time very powerful bc right now I’m making decisions and needing to plan a bit for the future and you’re kinda right it’s a bit like a web or different tunnels of energies connected to

( part 3 )connected to each other and the more you focus on one thing instead of another I can kinda feel the consciousness and possibilities line up to a different path. I think that must have to do kinda with me being led by spirit or my intuition just because I have so many choices to make rn since I just graduated. Sorry for the long asks and thank you for the work you do on this blog, it’s very helpful and I need to get a reading from you as soon as a get a job haha won’t be long I hope😊🙃

Hi, Hi, Hi!

You are so very welcome for my last answer re: Free Will. It’s why I’m here and do this. What I don’t know from personal experience, I ask Spirit about. And sometimes not even my own Spirit Guides - but any Spiritual Allies floating about that are willing to engage in real, honest, thought-provoking conversation.

You ask some really compelling Spiritual things. 

And a long Ask = an even longer Answer ;)

So I’ve answered your questions in 3 sections below:

Astrology & Free Will

Vedic Astrology… Say What?

Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Note (for those following along at home): I do reference some concepts previously discussed in [ My Post / Answer about Whether I Believe in Free Will, and Why / Why Not ] …. If you are arriving late to the party (and happen to find this interesting), I suggest you read through that first.

* Keep Reading to learn more about the relationship between Astrology & Free Will, my channelled thoughts on Vedic Astrology, as well as how Psychic Awareness & Abilities can Influence How we Choose to Live / Behave *

Astrology & Free Will

I can read Astrology. I know a fair amount about it. It’s more of a hobby / personal interest of mine. I also offer reads on my website on the basis of different planetary and zodiac energies, but I am so very NOT a self-proclaimed “Expert” in that field. So my answer is based on personal opinion, experiences with Spirit, and channelling happening right now as I invite Spirit in to discuss this.

I see Astrology (as a method of reading, learning more about people & situations) like a similar Spiritual Study & (ultimately) Spiritual Tool - used to seek / flush out information about the self. This to me is really similar to how I also see other Spiritual Studies / Tools - like: Numerology & Palmistry.

There is a reason why practicing Astrology is called, “Charting”. I see it exactly as that. A chart of the position of planets at the time of your birth, determining which Houses & Zodiac Signs influence (energetically) the planets’ relative positions in your Chart (upon birth). And therefore, likely characteristics, personality traits, motivating factors, and emotional responses you may (or - to be fair - may not) possess in your life.

So (in my opinion) a Natal Birth Chart is like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the measurement of the relative position of the Planets & Zodiac signs.

Just like how - the sum total of the numbers associated with your Name or Birthdate (Numerology), is like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the energetic / symbolic significance of each Number in relation to your “Life Path” Number, “Soul” Number, “Destiny” Number, “Personality” Number, and other significant numbers in your life.

Just like how - the markings on your Palm (Palmistry), are like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the measurement of your “Life Line”, “Head Line”, “Heart Line”, “Planetary Mounds”, and other such markings.

Although each of these methods, in turn, are super cool, interesting, unique, and compelling… They are as I said: Road Maps.

Much like how we Map our planet, we see Maps everyday, we use Google Maps (GPS), just because we are aware of the information of where we could possibly go / travel to in life DOES NOT MEAN we will see & visit everywhere we have seen on a map or even heard of.

There are things in our Natal Charts - connected to Astrology - that will resonate and make sense / help you to identify & define yourself, your motives, your actions, your emotions, your behaviours… But just because you have that Natal Chart DOES NOT MEAN you will experience and behave *exactly* like everything that has been charted out for you.

That’s where, in my opinion, these schools of thought are tools for us to better know ourselves. But at the end of the day we still have Free Will and possess the ability to choose / decide all aspects of ourselves and our lives - WITH or WITHOUT the added information of our Astrology / Natal Chart, Numerology, or Palmistry.

They may serve to fill in some blanks for us, but they do not pre-determine how we will think, act, feel, behave, or CHOOSE in our life.

Side Note:

I have a client that is a Professional Astrologer. And when reading with them they fully admit to me “Yes, what you say from Spirit is true based on what I’ve already Charted for myself… But I wish to act *outside* of what I’ve Charted. So what does Spirit have to say about that?” ***

*** This is me paraphrasing / glossing over what has been said, as my sessions with clients are confidential.

Vedic Astrology… Say What?

Okay so Full Disclosure (because I’m super honest and don’t know how to be anything other than that): 

I have no idea what Vedic Astrology is. I am curious though.

So I’m going to do a quick Google for the definition of that and see what Spirit has to say…

* 3 Minutes Pass *

OHHHHHH.

So Vedic Astrology is… Astrology. But traditional Hindu / Indian Astrology. And it seems to be most focused on Charting / Mapping for the purpose of determining one’s “Destiny”.

Gotcha.

Note: If I’ve butchered that quick-3-minute-Google-dive explanation, I do so thoroughly apologize AND encourage you to write in to *lovingly* provide further information not only for myself, but those that read my blog.

Spirit is showing me that Charting one’s “Destiny” via a Vedic Astrology Reading is no different than what I do as a Psychic Medium when I tell my clients what I see for them in the future (via my Clairvoyant & Clairaudient abilities - visions & spoken word from Spirit).

And Spirit goes further to say (as soon as I’ve typed that up) - “Yea, that’s pretty close Allison”.

So rather than speaking about Vedic Astrology at this point (something I don’t know / practice) - I’m going to switch over to speak about reading the future as a Psychic Medium (something I do know / practice)… Because Spirit has given me the “Green Light” to say that the two are comparable, in terms of the end goal / achievement (pre-determining one’s future). The means though (technique) could not be ANYMORE different ;)

So as a Psychic Medium when I read the future I am reading the highest possible likelihoods / probable events (think Statistical Maths for a second here), based on who you are, how you behave, and the decisions (Free Will) you are enacting in your life right now (so in maths - the “known variables”).

I imagine in Vedic Astrology, the Astrologer is Charting your highest possible / probable “Destiny”, based on your Natal Birth Chart AND the predicted trajectory of the Planets through each of the Astrological Houses & associated Zodiac signs - something that is mathematically pre-determined.

I feel like I’m speaking a lot of jargon here.

BASICALLY. The words that are most important that I just typed are: HIGHEST POSSIBLE LIKELIHOODS, HIGHEST PROBABLE EVENTS, HIGHEST POSSIBLE “DESTINY”.

As with Statistical Maths, there are outliers. Or rather, DATA THAT CANNOT BE ACCOUNTED FOR OR CHARTED. 

In Psychology you would maybe say that: “Past Behaviour predicts Future Behaviour”. 

Key Words: Predicts! Does not guarantee.

So the way I see it [ WITH HEAPING AMOUNTS OF HELP FROM SPIRIT ] is that Vedic Astrology, or even what I do as a Psychic Medium (when consulting Spirit about a client’s future), is really our “best educated guess” about your future or “destiny” based on your past (or in Vedic Astrology - your Natal Birth Chart & the predicated future position of the planets relative to the Astrological Houses & associated Zodiac signs). 

The past - by the way - is something that is Linear. It’s happened. Everything is known to you (and Spirit). The only unknowns are thoughts, decisions, motivators, behaviours, emotions, etc. of those around you that may have at one point or another, influenced your life.

The future - as I said in my post about “Free Will” - is a web of potential.

So can Vedic Astrology influence / supersede Free Will?

In my opinion… No.

Just because something is charted / calculated / psychically determined, doesn’t mean it will *actually* happen in that exact way.

YOU are the “unknown” variable in that equation. Or rather, your Free Will. 

You can choose at any time to turn Left instead of Right. 

Even if your map, your GPS, your significant other, your family, or every other variable in your life point towards turning Right. You still have the ability to *randomly* turn Left.

Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Ever heard of the phrase:  “Too much of a good thing”?

That’s how I see this Spiritual / Psychic stuff.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s so-so-so amazing. I love my gifts. I love being able to know things / see things / hear things. I love getting “insider” information about my life, my loved ones’ lives, and the world.

BUT.

But, but, but…

Knowing more, feeling more, sensing more… Well that’s not always the *best* thing.

It also reminds me of that phrase: “Ignorance is bliss”

Sometimes knowing less can be best.

When you are (what we now call in the New Age community) “Awake” to the world around you. Spiritually Aware that your are 100% a Spiritual Being / Entity having a Human Experience…

When you are in tune with your Psychic / Intuitive abilities, you work with them, your use them (or… they use you)…

Well when those things happen… Very quickly you may start feeling *extremely* small, in this world, this universe, all universes. And you realize the space around you IS SO FREAKING, BEYOND, BIG. LIKE, BIGGER THAN EVEN THIS. LIKE, BIGGER THAN EVEN ALL OF THE CAP LOCKS IN THE WORLD.

And when that happens. You. Start. Questioning. EVERYTHING.

Not just one thing. Not just teeny weeny things. But.. EVERY. POSSIBLE. THING.

When you possess these gifts and know how to use them?

Well then you: obsess about the past

“what could have been different”

“where would you be now if you have chosen this instead of that?”

“who would you be if he / she / they had treated you differently?”

“who would you be if he / she / they had RAISED you differently?”

“where would you be know if you knew then what you know now”

Etc…

And you also: obsess about the future

“I want *this thing* but what is the best way for me to achieve *that thing*?”

“How will I know when I need to go for *that thing*?”

“Is *perfect timing* even a thing? How will I know?”

“Could there be something I’m doing now that’s actually holding me back?”

“What if I’m working so hard to *do this thing* right now, when it actually won’t even *give me that thing*?”

Etc…

Then the unfortunate outcome of all of that obsession about the Past & Future results in:

Being so, ridiculously, terrifyingly, hopelessly STUCK in the Present.

SO THE SECRET IS:

Please, please, please let me tell you the secret to this…

What I learned a very long time ago is this:

Listen. Receive. Feel. Sense. Gather & Know more information than everyone else that is still “Asleep”. 

Do that. Actively engage in your Sixth Senses. Connect to your Spiritual Allies. Embrace the incredible, amazing, awesomeness that is you & your potential.

Do that. Be that. But then take all of that extra information and THROW ALL OF IT OUT OF THE WINDOW.

IGNORE IT.

Let it come into your awareness, and right back out again.

Because although there is this super-awesome, Psychically-aware, spiritually-savvy, version of yourself. That Spiritual Being / Entity I mentioned earlier.

Although there is her / him / them.

There is also You. The Human Being version of You that is actively living (right. the. frick. now.) this *sometimes heart-rending & emotionally turbulent* Human Experience.

So… Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Not so much. 

But you can change that with that Free Will of yours… By choosing which messages from Spirit you allow to influence your day-to-day thoughts, behaviour, emotions & actions.

Believe me when I say that this takes practice. It’s easier for some than others. But when you get the hang of it, all of the over-obsessing will be like flies buzzing around your head. Psychic / Intuitive insights that you are aware of but see as things OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF. Energies *you can choose* to feed into, or… (and this is WAY more healthy)… IGNORE.

[guyinlovewitheremika]

Dude serious question here : how are you still single ? Judging from your blog you seem so cute and friendly and an overrall fun person to be around. I for one would have loved to get to know you irl. But well keep up your amazing blog, I wish you the best in life

Aww anon that’s really sweet of you haha. Hope you have an amazing life too.

I used this opportunity for a little bit of self-analysis, which I’m keeping under-read since it’s not the main content of this blog. Quite frankly it failed and I don’t recommend reading.

THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS POST. I started writing with a huge plan, it didnt work out and now only half the thing is here, and by itself, it makes no bloody sense. I still wanna keep it here simply for myself, but anyone reading this rn will probs only get an incomplete and thusly inaccurate picture of what I’m trying to paint. 

Okay, so here’s the thing. I started writing this huge thing with a clearly mapped out thought process in mind, it had structure and whatnot. Unfortunately an event I even described in my analysis, a change of my mental state, prohibited me from finishing my writing---this is thus very incomplete, lacking many arguments and most importantly an actual conclusion. I doubt I’ll ever reconnect to this particular text anyway, but I still felt like sharing it as I considered it to be a very accurate depiction my head up until the point where I got lost. So even though it’s totally lackluster and incomplete, I’m still sharing it here because I feel like I owe it to myself. Anyway. After this follows the introduction I had originally written. Since I posted this for myself, the chance of me answering asks, replies or messages about this is very little, partially for reasons explained below. AnYwAY

Le forum ofdeath and sucks balls what the fuck

You'reprobably just a lovely anon who wanted to say something nice and cheer me up,and believe me, it's appreciated^^ This extended response shouldn't be takenpersonal by you in any way at all, I simply saw an opportunity for me to writethings down I've been meaning to write down for a long time. Thing is, there'sabout a 0% chance of me talking to over people what's really going on in myhead unless I'm prompted to do so--unless there're huge indicators of therebeing legitimate interest in my psyche, I aint talking, and even then, the chancesremain slim. Granted, your message wasn't really a direct inquiry or whateverbut I've had this shit in my system so long that it's more than sufficient forme to let lose. Warning: basically everything below (and even above) are mypersonal observations of myself, and most likely don't make a ton of sense foranyone who isn't, well, me. "Translating" all of this into anythingcomprehensible outside of my head is gonna be tricky enough, but I still feellike doing it. The purpose of this text is ultimately for self-analysis; uponwriting things down it can clarify or explain certain thoughts, and that'sreally waht I'm after. I don't want to shove my own analysis of my mentalsituation down my followers throats, I'm writing and posting this only for myselfto be affected by the process of doing so; thusly, once more, this will potentiallybarely make any sense for anyone, but it's not supposed to for anyone exceptme, so in essence, don't read too much into this post.

Long assintroduction

Damn

Anyway, let'sget started, and back to the original question, how are you still single.

BecauseBOI, there's a plethora of reasons, mostly tied to my relationship with myselfand my surroundings, and that's what I wanna talk about here.

First ofall, yeah. Guy does seem like a fun, sweet person to have around here, doesn'the? You're not the first person to tell me that, and I'm not saying that tofeed on my ego or whatever, but because this perception of Guy isn't unique. Iget nice and lovely anons, Barely and hate towards me as a person despite arather rapidly growing follower count, I've even made a ton of onlinefriendships over the span of months, and those folks generally don't seem tohate Guy either, for similar reasons. That's all good and fun, and ofc Iappreciate people who're sympathetic towards me, but that's because here ontumblr and over on discord, I'm Guy. The dude who absolutely loooves snk, whoknows a lot about the series, who tries to help people out and is pretty wankfree (that's an over-the-top, stereotyped description simply for the sake ofgetting the general point across).

The problemis that "Guy" is a periodic, temporary and very much incompleterepresentation of my identity. Now of course, the following dialogue can quicklyfall into the "edgy-teenager-YouKnowMyNameButNotMyStory" trope whichtypically disqualifies any rationality accompanied by the claims, but for thesake of argument, I'd like to give my analytical skills more credit than a 21stcentury stereotype. The basic point I'm trying to make here is this: the"real", "complete" version of myself has more to it thanjust the blogger you know as "Guy", and that's simply because myonline presence is very filtered. Whenever I'm posting on my blog or talking tomy friends on discord, I'm being Guy. My mental state, my thought process, andmy emotional balance is that of SnK loving Guy. The thing is, whenever there'sa change in my mental state, a variation, one that differs from who we know as"Guy", Guy shuts down, and so does my activity. I'm not blogging24/7, I'm not being constantly Guy. And I'm not chatting 24/7 either, myfriends may confirm this: I often stop talking in the middle of conversations,stop responding, reduce or cease my current activity all together. Occasionallythat's caused by irl disturbances, but for the most part, the issue lies in avariation within my mental state, one that disrupts my situation of being Guy,causing a discrepancy between my activity and my thought process concerning myactivity. In simpler (and seriously overblown) terms, I temporarily stop beingthe person I just was (this being Guy), and swap to a different mental state, onethat differs from being Guy.

This allprobably sounds ludicrous and absolutely over the top, and I apologize for that.It's not as if I have "multiple personalities" in my head, orschizophrenia, or whatever. These varying mental states I'm describing aren'ttotally different people, but...different facades of myself, if that makes anysense.  It probably doesn't, so let meprovide you with a possibly explanative analogy, to visualize everything. Letssay you're playing and RPG, and you have your core character. You level him up,gain experience, skills, and whatnot. That's default form of your character,lacking equipment and whatnot. However, in order to adapt to the constantlychanging environments and opponents you face, you need equipment, and the onlyoptions you have are various, predetermined armor and weapon sets. There's adifferent, unique type for every situation-one for each environment and eachenemy. The only problem is this: they come with a predetermined set of statsand skills. Parts of the sets cannot be exchanged with one another, and youcan't use multiple ones either. What's worse is that, despite the varyinglevels of skills you may have obtained on your core character, these arepartially or even entirely overwritten when donning one of the sets--you can'tverify or even use these stats and skills of your core character, as they'relocked away by whatever set you use. Only in down times, when in your hideout,all by yourself, can you take off the sets and access your stats andskills--only then does the experience you obtained when using the sets actuallyappear, only then can you observe your core character as a whole. That's moreor less what my head looks like, from my POV. Granted, this by no means is atotally accurate representation--it's flawed, it ignores certain other aspects,doesn't universally apply to me either, and ultimately, has no proof. However,I feel like this is the closest approximate description I can offer at themoment, and ultimately just am example to allow for some visualization--not auniversal truth or affirmation.

But let'stake a closer look at these equipment sets, or mental states, as I like to callthem. One of my favorite movies over the past years was the sci-fi flicArrival--Denis Villeneuve's thought provoking tale about extraterrestrialcreatures showing up on our planet and humanities attempt to interact with them.One of it's major elements was the use of language, and one theme in particularfascinated me: the theory that speaking in another language can potentiallymodify, or even rewire your brain and thought process. It's something Icouldn't agree more with. I fluently speak three languages, and, given myliving and educational situation, typically switch between all three of themmultiple times a day. I don't want to assume anyone's thoughts or feelings, butI'm certain I'm not the only one who has different relationships with thelanguages they speak, and who feel different depending on the used language.It's a pretty natural thing. Another thing we can probably all agree on is that,depending with whom we're interacting, or under which exterior circumstances(such as location), our precise way to express ourselves may sometimes vary--youmay act in a certain way with one person in a certain place, and act verydifferently with another person in a different place. Well, of course I can'tclaim that to be a universal truth for every person on the planet, but I'vecertainly heard other people describe it before, and I've felt it from otherstoo. It's there, sometimes, to a certain extent. Maybe it's totally natural, aneveryday feeling for everyone involved, and maybe I'm just too weak to be ableto counteract the consequences, but who knows. My primary issue stems from the fact that, I'm taking this varyingcircumstances and their consequences to a ridiculous level. Depending on mylanguage, my location, the time of day and the people I'm with, my expressionof myself, my (from an exterior POV observable) personality, if you want to, isborderline subject to change. "Guy" in many ways I can't mentallygrasp at the moment is fundamentally different from the person you mayencounter under specific, different circumstances.

Now ofcourse, this probably is something felt by other people alone, I'm not somehowspecial by feeling that way, probably just too weak to deal with it. But onething I can say with absolute certainty is that the consequences of thevariations has an effect on my surrounding. An example in my family: due to hisjob, my father is rarely at home, and I'm typically left with my mother, withwhom I have a rather close and positive relationship with. On the days myfather is there however, our relationship changes, my general mood is affected,and my expression of myself heavily changes. Once again, I'm sure I'm notunique in that way, I'm sure it's a normal, human concept, it just seems toaffect me really much. This isn't just limited to important, deep relationshipslike me and my parents, but its present in really every situation. Example, Imay desire to spend time with my friends at school when there, but back home,in a different mental state, that desire disappears entirely. I often don'treply to messages for weeks, and rarely ever initiate communication by myself,which can be totally different in another mental state. See, and that's one ofthe primary issues. My relationships with pretty much everyone are heavilymodified and affected by the changes in my mental state based on circumstancesand whatnot. If we follow that logic, any intimate or romantic relationshipwould be affected too. And that's one of the cruxes here: I couldn't possiblyentertain one particular mental state throughout the entirety of anoverarching, important relationship with someone. There would be instances inwhich my mental state would vary, and I would in turn be severely affected thischange, but this non-given, non-evident relationship with a significant otherwouldn't just...stop existing, wouldn't temporarily be on hold until I've returnedto a mental state appropriate of said relationship. You can't put it on hold,you can't neglect all of that while waiting for your brain to return to anadequate state. There's continuity and effort and ultimately something enduringwithin a relationship, but that's incredibly hard to entertain if the facade ofoneself is subject to constant modification. Though that in itself is somethingI would already consider rather problematic, it's far from the end. Rememberwhen I described the situation in my head? The idea of a certain core character,unaffected by the armor sets? Let's take a closer look at that.  

All thesevarious mental states, these predetermined armor sets, caused by the varyingcircumstances I find myself in throughout life, have one thing in common: blockingout the "core character", the one that acquires the skills andexperience obtained through the life in armor, the one that has a sort ofoverseeing access to all of these obtained life experiences. That is what Iconsider to be the "purest" version of myself. The one thingunaffected by circumstances, the one at the center off all these various mentalstates. I can only be in this unaffected state when not in relation to anythingin my exterior: not being constrained to convey thoughts verbally through theuse of a certain language, not being actively in relation to another person,and being in a neutral place, unaffected by anything, such as my room.Basically, if I'm in an entirely neutral situation, not affected by anythingexterior whatsoever, my mind goes into a neutral state too. This neutral stateallows me one particular thing: introspection. Self-analysis, if you want to.Only in the neutral state can I fully reflect on my experiences and my life asa whole, only then can I attempt to understand my progression in life, myemotions, my mental situation. In fact, at this very moment, I find myself inthis neutral state--only now am I actually able to reflect on what's going onin my head, and the fact that I'm able to write it down cohesively is an enormousfeat in itself. However, this distinction between my neutral state, the"core character", and the various mental states, the "armorsets", comes with a plethora of issues, the first one being this verydiscrepancy. As explained earlier, the "sets" override the"core", and I mean that in a literal way. All my reflections, all mythoughts and questions, all my arguments, failures and progressions, areblocked out when I'm in one of these sets. For example, if I'm talking to mytherapist, it's downright impossible for me to communicate all these thoughtsobtained through introspection, simply because they're blocked out, they're notavailable anymore. They slip out from memory, I can barely grasp them at all,it feels like walking through horribly thicc mist; and even in the event that Istill can formulate some of my thoughts, I can't properly convey them. In fact,even if I write them down and try to read them out, it feels more like readingsomeone else's thesis: my brain doesn't connect to the material at all, itdoesn't understand, it can't back it up: in that situation, they're not my ownthoughts at all, but someone else's, and no matter how much I search my mindfor answers of clues, the only thing I can find is a bleak, empty void, leavingme feeling dumbfounded, with an empty head. Literally. When I later return tomy neutral state, everything returns to me, but quite frankly, that's notuseful, since I still lack the means to communicate it in a manner thatconvinces both me and party B.

Unfortunatelythe issues don't stop there. If we go by the assumption that this neutral, coreversion of myself is what you may call "the real me", I would kind ofbe in a pretty shit situation, because, quite frankly, being this neutralversion of myself is not fun at all. Maybe its related to ingrained pessimism,but all introspection, all reflection and thoughts, always go in a prettynegative way. Never once have I thought about myself in depth and arrived at anactual positive outcome: every answer is negative and spells out inevitabledoom one way or another. There's always a depressing note to everything, infact, there is a seriously ingrained tendency leading towards what may be aform of depression in all my thoughts, but I'll get into that later. The bigbad issue is that ultimately, this neutral state of mine, as well as everypossible variable mental state, lacks one primordial thing necessary to thehuman existence: life. I'm descending towards a melodramatic presentation oncemore, forgive me. It's a hunch towards excess. But here's the thing. Theneutral state is exclusively based around introspection, it can't do anythingbut reflect, and reflect in a pretty negative manner if I might add. There'snothing else to it. The "sets" are technically set in what we wouldcall life, they're all in relation with something, but inherently lack thecommon thing that is myself; they're mere facades, they're fakes, they'reincomplete, they're not ME.  Here's thething. Perhaps it was a result of all the issues mentioned above, or perhaps itcaused the issues above and originate from a certain event in my pastirrelevant for now, but one thing is certain: I'm heavily emotionally distancedfrom my own life. I barely ever feel any real, active emotions out of anythingin life, everything is distanced, bleak, unilateral. Any real, strong emotion,be it joy, hatred, sadness or whatever else you may think of, is something Ibarely ever feel these days. Even events that have an incredibly strong effecton my life struggle to bring forth an emotional reaction. Everythingstays...bleak. Unaffected. There's often a sort of distant negativity, abackground feeling of sorts, and there are occasions of limited joy or whatnotthat last a few moments, but it takes absolutely nothing whatsoever to returnto an empty or even highkey depressed state--ultimately, the sensation of"being alive" has become incredibly elusive to me over the last 8years, now nothing more than a mere distant memory. That's just how things are,and I can't deal with it.

Granted, Imay possibly be overdoing it rn. Been writing for a long time, need to makesure I don't start getting affected just yet. Ultimately, all these thingsheavily block the way for a meaningful relationship with another person. Notonly would they have to deal with the fact that the person they know seems toundergo mental changes on a continuous basis which can't be any good, their s.o.would go through constant mood changes, would often be emotionally distant fromthem for seemingly no reason whatsoever, wouldn't be able to even entertain a relationshipon a deeper level. Whatever it would be, it couldn't even be called a proper relationshipfrom my point of view. I wouldn't be able to be myself, and that's pretty mucha death sentence for anything meaningful that's supposed to last for a bit,right?

(sidenote:I feel as if I may have just exited the neutral state and am no longer able toentertain my introspection. My thoughts are literally disappearing from my mindand my memory of everything I've said so far and what I meant to say afterwardsis getting foggier by the minute. It's absolutely ridiculous and horriblyannoying, but at the very least it proves my points to myself, that's worthsomething).

After this point, I continued writing, but quickly realized I lost all connection, I had indeed gone through a change in mental state, leaving behind my introspection. Thus, this is largely incomplete, with many threads not tied together, and many arguments lacking entirely. My analysis went much deeper than what we see here, but unfortunately I don’t seem to be able to pick it up for now. What a shame. I had thought I had finally figured out some serious progress. But in a way, it’s also fitting. This major failure is evidence that the points made are very real and not my imagination. Too bad it prevented me from going further, but that’s all I can do for now. 

This is more or less the conclusion I meant to reach, but since half the arguments and reasoning are missing, it doesn’t make sense and feels like an asspull for the sake of attentionwhoring. It’s not, and I can assure you there is legitimate reasoning behind this, I just can’t access it rn:  To add more finality to the actual question that I tried to properly explain here but clearly turned out incapable of doing so, I have rather convoluted but justified mental and psychological issues for being single. These aren’t by choice, these aren’t because I enjoy being lonely, in fact I’ve desired the opposite since I was a child, but for various reasons I cannot fully explain yet, it wouldn’t be good at all for neither me nor my partner, not with the way I am right now (and this current failure is proof of that). Instead, I’ll keep sitting on my ass, waiting for a miracle that will never happen, with mental and and physical issues getting worse and worse as a consequence. But in its own way, that’s desirable for me; which is based on another issue, rooted even deeper in my psychology, one that is probably the source of all my issues. But I can’t talk about that yet.  

Other than that, there’s practical issues too. I’ll be leaving the continent this summer. I have very little positive memories about the last 8 years, the 2nd chapter of my life, but I don’t want to start getting attached to this life just as it is about to end. That would be the worst possible way to leave, and I need a clean cut at all costs. So yeah, no SO for me.

[workingontruth]

Pardon the Interruption

I’m going through Timothy Keller’s incredible book, King’s Cross, ...again. Some feel as though …

…okay, gotta stop here. And this is yet another illustration that this blog is utterly unprofessional and seemingly haphazard, random, unfocused – call it what you may.

Feel��I just did it. I used the word FEEL where it doesn’t belong. I know it’s a current and surely temporary replacement for the word “think” …or “believe.” Still, it’s tough on me. In a time when what we “feel” drives us as a culture…it’s tough to accept how we use it as replacement for “think.” It’s nearly as frequently misused as the word “like” …completely out of context itself–not intended to mean “similar to” or “am fond of” at all, but merely as a filler–an extracurricular word purposed to make sure there are no pauses in our stories and verbal exchanges...it merely buys time in our speech while our wondering mind thinks - because pauses or momentary silence is deadly, lest the listener begin speaking and interrupt. By the way, do runon sentences bother you? If so, I’ll apologize now ... this is a “processing” blog, and one not concerned with literary style or grammatical sterility. ;) 

Our culture is a nervous wreck, and the way we speak is an indicator of this reality. And, worse yet, even as I rebel against such indicators of our wrongheaded culture, I just began this entry using it as replacement for the more intended word “think.” Oh…sigh. 

Which leads me to accept the fact that much of my writing isn’t good – in other words, I would never write as I do today as I used to write for academic papers or for a writing or literature project at the university. I use way to much creative license now in my writing. It’s awful from an academic perspective. But I no longer care. I don’t write for grades. I’m 53 years old. I just write what I’m thinking…what’s on my heart. And it’s why I’ll, doubtless, frustrate everyone reading these entries – if anyone does. But it’s okay. I’ll just keep lamenting what I lament and breaking the rules I choose to break because I’m comfortable in doing so. But my opinions…well, they’re just that – my opinions. So is it really wrong that we use the word “feel” instead of “think?” Not really. I just see it as another way the enemy of our soul invites us to walk by emotion and not truth.

Okay now that I’ve addressed this, I can move on. I’m ill. But at least I know it.

Keller’s book…working through it again. As I listened (this is how I primarily get through my books – thanks Audible) …some think if you merely listen to a book’s audio version, you’re cheating (I may as well get this off my chest as well). They believe it doesn’t even qualify as having read the book. I plainly disagree. As my youngest son, Isaac, knows, reading can be a slow, drudgerous (I know that’s not a word – just made it up…chill) chore for some of us. Perhaps I should still be on Ritalin as I was for a short time as a kid. Perhaps I just have a slow brain and cannot clinically process efficiently enough while reading. Perhaps the way I read out loud to myself in my brain is such a liability that reading takes too much effort and is more trouble than it’s worth most of the time. Whatever the reason(s), more of me is engaged when I initially listen to a book. Then, when something I hear is especially thought-provoking or emotionally/spiritually (I don’t know which) impacting, I buy the hard copy of the book. It’s just what I do – how I best learn, listen, …hear, actually.

So…as I listened again to King’s Cross while enroute to Springfield, MO with my University of Indianapolis men’s & women’s basketball teams, … see, this is precisely why I cannot let myself write like this–except for this one entry where, for whatever reason, I’m giving myself utter permission. Not only is it the needless detail that continually comes to mind, but challenging also is my need to revisit the emotional and experiential genesis of the thoughts about which I’m writing/trying to communicate–without which I cannot put onto the page anything that has a chance to make people think, …ponder. And surely, giving myself this permission to write the way I think is going to mean the importance of the thoughts for this entry (which I’m sensing are SUPER important), are going to be lost.

So…as I again listened to Keller’s book (which is as good are reading, mind you), somewhere in the midst of the pages between chapters 5 and 7, something of a “Complete Gospel” came to mind which outlines how we really become and then should live anew in Christ.

For years, I would have said the intention of the Gospel is to bring us into a restored and right relationship with God–to save us from sin’s ultimate consequence, and enable us to gain heaven as his adopted children.

All true.

…okay, because of the importance of what I’m sensing I’m about to write, I have to do it. I have to end this entry–though preserve it for reasons in which maybe only I may rest. And who cares anyway–likely very few will ever read this blog. So, Lord, because this whole exercise may be for you and me alone, I’m going to end, yet preserve, this entry. And we’ll pick this up again in such a way that I’ll do my normal and continual editing so as to really try to make what I’m thinking discernable.

And that’s another thing …words …words are so important. There are right words and there are sufficient words. I don’t like sufficient words. That’s laziness. If one is trying to communicate something, it’s important to use right words–or at least to struggle to use right words. The easier word to use at the end of the last paragraph would’ve been understandable. But, to me, understandable is more a surface word of apprehension. It’s more of a “cerebral only” word. Well…actually, not entirely true...because to understand something is to really grasp its intent–to an experiential level. One can hear something or read something and accept it. But to embrace it’s message, there must be a personal apprehension of its message. It’s like the difference between hearing and listening. Are you with me? Hearing is merely a surface deep “taking in.” But when one is truly listening, empathy and relatability comes onto the scene. If you understand something, it has already become, to some degree, something apprehended with more than the sense of a mental acquisition. So, understandable wouldn’t have actually been a bad word to use. But because today we don’t really know the English language very well, and we throw words around like week-old leftovers, I find myself compelled to use words that make us slow down and think. That’s my hope anyway–if it were possible.

So, this is why I paused above and then used the more penetrating word, discernable. When you discern something, it has entered into your own experience. If you have discerned something, it has made its way into your active processor. It’s what happens when you are reckoning upon something – pondering it thoughtfully–for the Christian, prayerfully.

Furthermore, the challenge is that many have told me I’m too verbose. Not only too verbose, but also too old-English. I use words that may cause people to have to slow down when they read. And that if I want to communicate today, I have to be simple, short, …enabling the reader to easily (carelessly in my mind) slip from sentence to sentence, paragraph to paragraph, and chapter to chapter without struggling to ask, “What is he trying to say here?” I guess if that were the case, and that it’s the only way to communicate today, I’d say, “What’s the point?” If the reader doesn’t take the time to pause, ponder, think about what the writing is really trying to communicate that might more deeply cause consideration before God, then I don’t care to write–it’s just a huge waste of time. So, while I do try to edit down my thoughts and keep them relatively concise (you have no idea), I have no interest in touching ten thousand people with nothing. I’d rather touch deeply, ten people…or maybe 12. 😉 The Holy Spirit will take what is written and use it as He purposes – but we must be loyal to his call for our ponderances…not distracted by the world’s valuation of things.

All that said, and I could go on for some time longer but will refrain, this entry has met its goal, I suppose. What comes next is much too important to belittle with this entry’s silliness. I’m really interested in sorting out the following, which came to me while traveling westward down I-44 toward Springfield, MO a few days ago…

This outline represents the full Gospel:

Surrender me. Fill me. Command me. Fuel me.

Sadly, I believe, many of us see the Gospel as a half dose of the second, two-word phrase. We’re anxious for the Lord Jesus to forgive us (only one part of “fill me”), but we don’t get most of the Gospel. And I’m anxious to get into it.

[fallxnprxnce]

Do you have any controversial headcanons that go against what is generally accepted by the fandom? Do you incorporate this into writing your muse or keep it to yourself?

The most controversial (and pretty much outright not correct, heh) thing that I have done with my interpretation of Nuada is to say that no, I do not ship him with Nuala romantically. This goes against not only what is generally believed and accepted by the fandom, but also what Luke Goss and Guillermo del Toro have said, since both of them in interviews have confirmed that Nuada has romantic feelings for Nuala. I choose to ignore that and I do not pursue romantic relationship for him with Nuala (not that there are any Nuala rpers that I interact with currently, but yeah, heh). And yes, I very much do incorporate this headcanon into my writing of him.

So why do I choose to ignore what fans of the movie want and what both Nuada’s actor and the movie’s director have confirmed as true? Because I just don’t buy it. I will direct you to this post for an ask I answered a while back because it’s super long and detailed, heh, but it explains my view of Nuada and Nuala’s relationship. It explains the nature of what I think their relationship is, but the upshot is, I feel that labeling it as romantic or sexual is too limiting. I am not saying he doesn’t love her. He does. But my point is he has to. Everyone chooses to label that love as romantic or sexual because... well, what else would it be, right? The way he looks at her, the way he touches her... is obvious, right? Eh........

As someone who has written a lot of fantasy characters over the years, I am constantly examining not only culture, mindset, and motivations for them, but also difference in outlook on life. Human beings with lifespans of 100 years or less look at a male who touches, speaks to, and relates to a female that way as one who is romantically or sexually interested in her. Because that is what we understand. But Nuada and Nuala are not human. They are not 100 years old. They are ancient elves. They do not think like us or behave like us, and the entire world is going to carry different meanings for them than for any human being in existence ever because they are so unlike us it’s not even funny. Beyond that, they are soul-bonded. What human could even pretend to know what that’s like?

Imagine..... you can know/feel what your sibling is thinking/doing. If one’s body is touched, the other feels it. Think about that. Why, then, would they think of themselves as completely separate individuals? I don’t think they would. I think they would think - at least on an instinctual level if not intellectually - of each others bodies as extensions of their own. Their closeness would not be familial, sibling, romantic, sexual, or otherwise...... it would be on a far deeper level than anything a human not bonded to anyone else could ever understand. And the fact that they are so old only makes the bond deeper. They have existed for so long in this state that I can really do nothing but side with Nuada on a emotional level as far as his frustration at Nuala shutting him out and betraying him. The pain he must feel at the one person who is closer to him than even mere blood can be turning away from him has to be incredible. Her suicide to stop him at the end of the movie blows my mind. I find it so difficult to grasp. This is someone you have known on an incredibly intimate level for millenia. She would know how thoughts and his pain and his motivations. If anyone could have talked him out of what he was doing or at least asked him to wait on it a while, it would have been her. Instead, she seemed content to completely alienate him and then ultimately provoke him before choosing to take away his ability to fight for himself by killing him essentially from the inside. How incredibly humiliating, dishonorable, and hurtful a death is that for a warrior, to not die in battle but to die because the person you were closest to in the world had chosen to give up on you? It just... I... I can’t. I just can’t even. And that is why I will never understand Nuala and will always dislike her, heh.

And now I’m ranting again, ugh. This always happens when I get on this topic. But yeah, I just hesitate to place human labels on an Elven, soul-bonded relationship that I think we can’t ever fully grasp. I know that makes my interpretation of Nuada somewhat unpopular, but that’s okay. Actually when I first started rping on here, I did rp with a Nuala mun (we had a falling out and no longer interact), and she kind forced the issue and wanted to ship her Nuala with my Nuada. At the time, I went along with it because I thought I had to. I thought it was canon, there was nothing I could do about it. But writing it didn’t feel good and I never really enjoyed it. After I stopped writing with this person, I decided that I would not be shipping my Nuada with any more Nualas. My understanding of their relationship and of the seriously downhill condition of it during the events of the movie just doesn’t allow me to let that ship sail in my brain, heh.

Feel free to weigh in on this topic. I know there are a lot of people who love Nuada x Nuala, and that’s perfectly fine. I really have no problem with people who want to ship it, I just have no desire to myself. It’s a separate, different relationship entirely from any other ship he’s had on this blog. Sorry to veto a widely accepted and loved aspect of my muse, but... it’s a no-go for me, heh.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Shame Part 4: I Deserve to Feel Bad, Because I am Bad: Shame-based Depression

In my previous blog posts, I discussed the difference between shame and guilt; both of which are painful, self-evaluative affects. Guilt involves the evaluation of a specific behavior and therefore, offers the opportunity for reparation. If Gary fails a test and feels guilty, he believes he can do things–like study harder–that will relieve some of his guilt. Even the thought that he is able to do something, alleviates some of the distress from his self-evaluation.

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If Gary perceives himself to be a loser who can never do anything right, then he is experiencing shame. Although shame can be transient, there are people whose experience of shame (shame-proneness) is pervasive; meaning that at the very core of their sense of self is the feeling of being small, insignificant and/or bad. In my most recent blog post in this series, I discussed how shame-proneness compromised empathy, causing conflict and turmoil in relationships. Another lasting and painful consequence of unresolved shame is shame-based depression. Depression is at best, an umbrella concept, not easily understood or reducible to a diagnostic label. Just because people share symptoms does not mean the cause is the same. Think of all the different underlying reasons for a headache. If we are to hope for good psychotherapy outcomes, we need to understand the causes of the symptoms, not an easy endeavor with distress as broad as depression. When depression is shame-based, it is not only the symptoms that debilitate, but also the ingrained belief that the person does not deserve to feel better. Because fundamentally they feel bad, small, unimportant, the suffering feels congruent. Relief feels foreign and undeserved. If the shame basis of the depression is left unidentified, improvement will be a tortuous, uphill battle for both you and your patient. Take Madeline (an amalgam of patients suffering from shame-based depression), for example. She’s a 39-year-old woman who came in for depression and reported a lifelong history of related symptoms. She described apathy, anhedonia, problems with motivation and concentration, appetite and sleep disturbances as well as feelings of worthlessness. As the therapy progressed over the first year, it became clear that Madeline experienced deep-rooted and chronic shame. She regarded herself as unintelligent, unattractive and uninteresting. In response to these feelings, she developed grandiose aspirations to compensate for her supposed deficiencies that no one could ever live up to. Consequently, she experienced continuous and inevitable failures which confirmed and perpetuated her shame-narrative. “I’ll never be intelligent. Everyone knows more than me,” she said, averting my gaze. “Can you tell me more about that?” “I need to read every single book on a particular topic before I’ll feel knowledgeable enough to have a conversation about it.” “Does that seem a realistic endeavor?” “I have to. It’s the only way I’ll feel smart enough,” she said flatly, fighting a frown. “I worry that you are setting yourself up to fail by having expectations that are impossible to reach.” “I never meet any of my goals, anyway.” She crossed her arms. “You’ll never find a feeling of accomplishment or meaning if you keep setting insurmountable goals. I’d like to understand why you’re doing that. What would happen if we worked together to set realistic goals, things you can accomplish?” “Well, then I might feel better.” She released a sarcastic laugh. “I wish that was a joke. I don’t feel like I deserve to feel better.” “Tell me more about that.” “No one ever supported me or any of my interests. I was told I wasn’t good enough. And it’s the truth, isn’t it? Look at my life. I’ve done nothing to be proud of. Failed at everything I ever tried or ever wanted.” After I better understood her shame, I realized that despite our seemingly strong relationship, Madeline continually undermined the therapeutic process. Every time she started to feel better, she’d set these impossible standards, which ultimately confirmed her feelings of not being good enough, of being a failure. Of not deserving any relief. Madeline knew nothing but her depression. She held onto it as if without it she would descend into an unfathomable void without it. When patients have a history of emotional abuse, as she did, where disparaging statements are woven through the fabric of their identity, the depression is often shame-based. And the treatment is extremely challenging. We have to help our patients to find ways to question, then challenge and finally close the book on their shame-narrative. To some degree, all depressions contain an element of shame. But in Madeline’s case, it was pervasive, evolving more like a personality trait than a cluster of symptoms, making it harder to treat. Her shame caused her to perpetuate her own distress. I combined humanistic, psychodynamic and cognitive-behavior therapy for Madeline. Psychodynamic, to help her understand how the shame evolved through her childhood experiences of emotional abuse; humanistic to focus on helping her identify and foster the many strengths she did have and to help her find meaningful pursuits where she could feel her endowments; cognitive-behavioral to help her with her thought distortions. I had her keep a journal of the false narratives. Every time she had an experience that disconfirmed them, I had her write it down. For example, she thought no one liked her and as a result, she was socially isolated. Every interaction where someone complimented her or showed interest in her, every time someone asked her for advice, she wrote it down. This was to reinforce different statements about who she was. The more Madeline discovered her unique strengths and used them and felt them, the better she became at recognizing the falseness of her narratives. And the more she understood the distortions, the better she became at pursuing goals that were attainable. I also did some psychoeducation in the second year of our treatment. I explained the shame and tried to help her understand her depression. Madeline had become curious and open and was able to introspect even in areas that were very painful. Madeline developed an observing ego. She became more cognizant of her distortions and began to question their validity. In order to help patients recognize their shame, we need to listen closely to these narratives. We need to identify the shame. And then, we can adjust our therapeutic techniques to meet our client’s unique needs. We need to believe they deserve to get better and can get better, even when they are undermining every step of the process. But for the deepest and most lasting change to occur, they need to believe in a narrative free of shame.   from http://www.psychotherapy.net/blog/title/shame-part-4-i-deserve-to-feel-bad-because-i-am-bad-shame-based-depression

[sheilalmartinia]

Insights into a newsroom: learnings for content marketing

Journalists are renowned for sniffing out a good story; they instinctively know how to get to the crux of a matter, asking the right sort of questions to get to the truth, and can decipher complicated subject matters succinctly for everyone to understand.

Pick up any newspaper or magazine and you’ll find it packed with a wide variety of content with something for everyone; from hard-hitting news investigations to human-interest features, opinion-based columns and picture stories.

Print media may be on the decline, but there is a lot that content marketers can learn from this profession. While content that targets a Google algorithm is a good strategy to have, you should also create content that builds and engages with people.

Back to the start

My career in journalism began in 1989, when I joined the Bucks Herald as an editorial assistant. One of the first lessons I was taught was how to write attention-grabbing content to grab attention from the very beginning.

I had been shadowing a senior reporter and went with her to the local police station to find out what crimes had been committed overnight. We then had to come back to the newsroom to write a series of short, snappy articles – news in brief (NIBs) – to publicize the incidents.

I started my first story: “A house in Wendover was broken into on Wednesday night and £300 worth of jewelry was stolen.” But this was quickly edited to read: “Heartless thieves stole £300 worth of jewelry from a house in Wendover on Wednesday night.”

The senior reporter explained that although my attempt was factually correct, starting with ‘A house’ was not anywhere near as powerful as starting with ‘Heartless thieves’.

This was an invaluable lesson and one that holds true for content marketers: it is vital to hook a reader in from the beginning using emotive language that makes them want to read on.

Keep it succinct

When writing a news article, it’s paramount to summarize the story in the first few paragraphs, giving the reader all the facts quickly. The who, what, where, when and how must be covered in the first two to three paragraphs, while subsequent paragraphs will add more color and detail to the story.

Just look at The Sun newspaper, for example; love it or hate it, they give readers all the information they need/want in around 5 minutes.

  The content we consume daily – particularly on social media – is the same; it’s attention-grabbing, quick and easy to understand.

We often enjoy this content on-the-go because we don’t always have time to read swathes of copy, or are more frequently consuming content on mobile devices.

However, sometimes short and sweet just isn’t enough. Once you have a person hooked, you may find they want/need more, which is when in-depth content can be invaluable.

Getting into the detail

In newspapers, feature articles are included in every edition. These tend to spread over two pages, with the words broken up by pictures, fact boxes and graphs.

One of the best ways to keep a reader engaged with a longer piece of content is using quotes. Depending on the subject matter, you can include quotes from thought leaders in a given field or bring a story to life with the power of the human interest angle.

Of course, it depends on the subject matter, but ultimately people love reading about people and will engage with long-form content that educates, informs or entertains. This is important to remember when creating long-form content for marketing; while you may be writing to capture a particular keyword of with SEO in mind, you can still be creative.

Every piece of content should keep ‘the audience’ in mind. Ask yourself:

Who are you writing for?

What kind of questions do they want answers to?

How do you keep them engaged/reading for longer?

What will make your content stand out from the crowd/capture those answer boxes/make people remember you/go back to your site?

Google rewards sites with a low bounce rate and it’s clear why: if people are visiting your site for longer, you have given them content that is not only relevant to their search, but also resonates with them in some way. There is nothing worse than clicking on a meta title and description that you think answers your question, only to find the content beneath it is irrelevant.

A picture is worth a thousand words

In 2001, I became editor of the Boston Standard in Lincolnshire. Boston is a busy market town with a small port, and agriculture is one of the main industries. Consequently, it attracts a high volume of workers from outside the UK and as a result, tensions between communities ran high.

In 2004, when England were defeated by France in the European football championship, this tension spilled onto the streets with more than 100 people rioting. We covered this story in detail, interviewing the police, shopkeepers and witnesses, but we wiped out the front page using just one image to capture the carnage and destruction – better than words ever could.

This ethos can also be applied to content marketing efforts; sometimes an image, video or graphic can be a powerful tool to bring a written story to life.

Nowhere is this more evident than on social media, and particularly Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube and Snapchat, which rely on images and video to spread a message, including light-hearted memes and funny videos.

What makes a good story?

Understanding what makes a good story is an essential part of being a journalist.

When working as a features editor, the news editor and I would meet every morning with the editor and deputy editor to discuss a list of potential stories we thought were worth pursuing and agree where they would go in the paper.

The basic rule of thumb we followed for coverage and placement was based on how interesting the story was deemed to be, and how many people it affected.

Of course, this can be subjective, so when trying to decide whether a content marketing campaign has the potential to go viral, ask yourself the following questions:

What is the hook?

Do you have unique data?

Is the idea open to ambiguity?

Is it credible?

Does it provoke an emotional response?

Does it tell a story?

Why this idea now?

Who – and how many people – does it affect?

Appealing to your audience

The types of content we included in every newspaper was varied and would, we hoped, appeal to a variety of people – a process that content marketers could also to adopt. However, in order to do this properly, it is paramount to understand who you are targeting, the sort of content they enjoy and where you can find them online.

It is easy for a newspaper as the journalists know they have to produce content that appeals to everyone in the community they serve, but in content marketing it can be slightly more restrictive.

The brand you’re working for should have plenty of audience data, but there are also a wide variety of tools available online to help you flesh out your personas and give them a personality to target your content with.

Where to find story inspiration

Despite all these tips and tricks, they can only really be put to good use when you have something to write about. An easy way to continually have content to share is to localize a national story, for example.

Content marketers often do the same by blogging or Tweeting about a national story or seasonal event. Often referred to as ‘newsjacking’, this is a powerful tool to promote a brand across the web.

One of the best examples I have seen is by the toilet tissue brand, Charmin, using the Oscars to promote the brand:

But you must act fast for the greatest impact – sending the tweet after the main event would have had little impact for Charmin.

The final word

As you can see, there are plenty of valuable lessons the digital world can learn from print. It really is simple: people want content that resonates with them. Content that educates or entertains them; something they can share with others to make them look good or make them laugh.

Print media may be declining, but the journalistic principles many of us hold dear still ring true. Storytelling is as relevant today as it has ever been; the platforms may have changed, but the delivery remains the same.

  from Search Engine Watch https://searchenginewatch.com/2018/05/21/insights-into-a-newsroom-learnings-for-content-marketing/

[srasamua]

Insights into a newsroom: learnings for content marketing

Journalists are renowned for sniffing out a good story; they instinctively know how to get to the crux of a matter, asking the right sort of questions to get to the truth, and can decipher complicated subject matters succinctly for everyone to understand.

Pick up any newspaper or magazine and you’ll find it packed with a wide variety of content with something for everyone; from hard-hitting news investigations to human-interest features, opinion-based columns and picture stories.

Print media may be on the decline, but there is a lot that content marketers can learn from this profession. While content that targets a Google algorithm is a good strategy to have, you should also create content that builds and engages with people.

Back to the start

My career in journalism began in 1989, when I joined the Bucks Herald as an editorial assistant. One of the first lessons I was taught was how to write attention-grabbing content to grab attention from the very beginning.

I had been shadowing a senior reporter and went with her to the local police station to find out what crimes had been committed overnight. We then had to come back to the newsroom to write a series of short, snappy articles – news in brief (NIBs) – to publicize the incidents.

I started my first story: “A house in Wendover was broken into on Wednesday night and £300 worth of jewelry was stolen.” But this was quickly edited to read: “Heartless thieves stole £300 worth of jewelry from a house in Wendover on Wednesday night.”

The senior reporter explained that although my attempt was factually correct, starting with ‘A house’ was not anywhere near as powerful as starting with ‘Heartless thieves’.

This was an invaluable lesson and one that holds true for content marketers: it is vital to hook a reader in from the beginning using emotive language that makes them want to read on.

Keep it succinct

When writing a news article, it’s paramount to summarize the story in the first few paragraphs, giving the reader all the facts quickly. The who, what, where, when and how must be covered in the first two to three paragraphs, while subsequent paragraphs will add more color and detail to the story.

Just look at The Sun newspaper, for example; love it or hate it, they give readers all the information they need/want in around 5 minutes.

  The content we consume daily – particularly on social media – is the same; it’s attention-grabbing, quick and easy to understand.

We often enjoy this content on-the-go because we don’t always have time to read swathes of copy, or are more frequently consuming content on mobile devices.

However, sometimes short and sweet just isn’t enough. Once you have a person hooked, you may find they want/need more, which is when in-depth content can be invaluable.

Getting into the detail

In newspapers, feature articles are included in every edition. These tend to spread over two pages, with the words broken up by pictures, fact boxes and graphs.

One of the best ways to keep a reader engaged with a longer piece of content is using quotes. Depending on the subject matter, you can include quotes from thought leaders in a given field or bring a story to life with the power of the human interest angle.

Of course, it depends on the subject matter, but ultimately people love reading about people and will engage with long-form content that educates, informs or entertains. This is important to remember when creating long-form content for marketing; while you may be writing to capture a particular keyword of with SEO in mind, you can still be creative.

Every piece of content should keep ‘the audience’ in mind. Ask yourself:

Who are you writing for?

What kind of questions do they want answers to?

How do you keep them engaged/reading for longer?

What will make your content stand out from the crowd/capture those answer boxes/make people remember you/go back to your site?

Google rewards sites with a low bounce rate and it’s clear why: if people are visiting your site for longer, you have given them content that is not only relevant to their search, but also resonates with them in some way. There is nothing worse than clicking on a meta title and description that you think answers your question, only to find the content beneath it is irrelevant.

A picture is worth a thousand words

In 2001, I became editor of the Boston Standard in Lincolnshire. Boston is a busy market town with a small port, and agriculture is one of the main industries. Consequently, it attracts a high volume of workers from outside the UK and as a result, tensions between communities ran high.

In 2004, when England were defeated by France in the European football championship, this tension spilled onto the streets with more than 100 people rioting. We covered this story in detail, interviewing the police, shopkeepers and witnesses, but we wiped out the front page using just one image to capture the carnage and destruction – better than words ever could.

This ethos can also be applied to content marketing efforts; sometimes an image, video or graphic can be a powerful tool to bring a written story to life.

Nowhere is this more evident than on social media, and particularly Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube and Snapchat, which rely on images and video to spread a message, including light-hearted memes and funny videos.

What makes a good story?

Understanding what makes a good story is an essential part of being a journalist.

When working as a features editor, the news editor and I would meet every morning with the editor and deputy editor to discuss a list of potential stories we thought were worth pursuing and agree where they would go in the paper.

The basic rule of thumb we followed for coverage and placement was based on how interesting the story was deemed to be, and how many people it affected.

Of course, this can be subjective, so when trying to decide whether a content marketing campaign has the potential to go viral, ask yourself the following questions:

What is the hook?

Do you have unique data?

Is the idea open to ambiguity?

Is it credible?

Does it provoke an emotional response?

Does it tell a story?

Why this idea now?

Who – and how many people – does it affect?

Appealing to your audience

The types of content we included in every newspaper was varied and would, we hoped, appeal to a variety of people – a process that content marketers could also to adopt. However, in order to do this properly, it is paramount to understand who you are targeting, the sort of content they enjoy and where you can find them online.

It is easy for a newspaper as the journalists know they have to produce content that appeals to everyone in the community they serve, but in content marketing it can be slightly more restrictive.

The brand you’re working for should have plenty of audience data, but there are also a wide variety of tools available online to help you flesh out your personas and give them a personality to target your content with.

Where to find story inspiration

Despite all these tips and tricks, they can only really be put to good use when you have something to write about. An easy way to continually have content to share is to localize a national story, for example.

Content marketers often do the same by blogging or Tweeting about a national story or seasonal event. Often referred to as ‘newsjacking’, this is a powerful tool to promote a brand across the web.

One of the best examples I have seen is by the toilet tissue brand, Charmin, using the Oscars to promote the brand:

But you must act fast for the greatest impact – sending the tweet after the main event would have had little impact for Charmin.

The final word

As you can see, there are plenty of valuable lessons the digital world can learn from print. It really is simple: people want content that resonates with them. Content that educates or entertains them; something they can share with others to make them look good or make them laugh.

Print media may be declining, but the journalistic principles many of us hold dear still ring true. Storytelling is as relevant today as it has ever been; the platforms may have changed, but the delivery remains the same.

  from Digtal Marketing News https://searchenginewatch.com/2018/05/21/insights-into-a-newsroom-learnings-for-content-marketing/

[alanajacksontx]

Insights into a newsroom: learnings for content marketing

Journalists are renowned for sniffing out a good story; they instinctively know how to get to the crux of a matter, asking the right sort of questions to get to the truth, and can decipher complicated subject matters succinctly for everyone to understand.

Pick up any newspaper or magazine and you’ll find it packed with a wide variety of content with something for everyone; from hard-hitting news investigations to human-interest features, opinion-based columns and picture stories.

Print media may be on the decline, but there is a lot that content marketers can learn from this profession. While content that targets a Google algorithm is a good strategy to have, you should also create content that builds and engages with people.

Back to the start

My career in journalism began in 1989, when I joined the Bucks Herald as an editorial assistant. One of the first lessons I was taught was how to write attention-grabbing content to grab attention from the very beginning.

I had been shadowing a senior reporter and went with her to the local police station to find out what crimes had been committed overnight. We then had to come back to the newsroom to write a series of short, snappy articles – news in brief (NIBs) – to publicize the incidents.

I started my first story: “A house in Wendover was broken into on Wednesday night and £300 worth of jewelry was stolen.” But this was quickly edited to read: “Heartless thieves stole £300 worth of jewelry from a house in Wendover on Wednesday night.”

The senior reporter explained that although my attempt was factually correct, starting with ‘A house’ was not anywhere near as powerful as starting with ‘Heartless thieves’.

This was an invaluable lesson and one that holds true for content marketers: it is vital to hook a reader in from the beginning using emotive language that makes them want to read on.

Keep it succinct

When writing a news article, it’s paramount to summarize the story in the first few paragraphs, giving the reader all the facts quickly. The who, what, where, when and how must be covered in the first two to three paragraphs, while subsequent paragraphs will add more color and detail to the story.

Just look at The Sun newspaper, for example; love it or hate it, they give readers all the information they need/want in around 5 minutes.

The content we consume daily – particularly on social media – is the same; it’s attention-grabbing, quick and easy to understand.

We often enjoy this content on-the-go because we don’t always have time to read swathes of copy, or are more frequently consuming content on mobile devices.

However, sometimes short and sweet just isn’t enough. Once you have a person hooked, you may find they want/need more, which is when in-depth content can be invaluable.

Getting into the detail

In newspapers, feature articles are included in every edition. These tend to spread over two pages, with the words broken up by pictures, fact boxes and graphs.

One of the best ways to keep a reader engaged with a longer piece of content is using quotes. Depending on the subject matter, you can include quotes from thought leaders in a given field or bring a story to life with the power of the human interest angle.

Of course, it depends on the subject matter, but ultimately people love reading about people and will engage with long-form content that educates, informs or entertains. This is important to remember when creating long-form content for marketing; while you may be writing to capture a particular keyword of with SEO in mind, you can still be creative.

Every piece of content should keep ‘the audience’ in mind. Ask yourself:

Who are you writing for?

What kind of questions do they want answers to?

How do you keep them engaged/reading for longer?

What will make your content stand out from the crowd/capture those answer boxes/make people remember you/go back to your site?

Google rewards sites with a low bounce rate and it’s clear why: if people are visiting your site for longer, you have given them content that is not only relevant to their search, but also resonates with them in some way. There is nothing worse than clicking on a meta title and description that you think answers your question, only to find the content beneath it is irrelevant.

A picture is worth a thousand words

In 2001, I became editor of the Boston Standard in Lincolnshire. Boston is a busy market town with a small port, and agriculture is one of the main industries. Consequently, it attracts a high volume of workers from outside the UK and as a result, tensions between communities ran high.

In 2004, when England were defeated by France in the European football championship, this tension spilled onto the streets with more than 100 people rioting. We covered this story in detail, interviewing the police, shopkeepers and witnesses, but we wiped out the front page using just one image to capture the carnage and destruction – better than words ever could.

This ethos can also be applied to content marketing efforts; sometimes an image, video or graphic can be a powerful tool to bring a written story to life.

Nowhere is this more evident than on social media, and particularly Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube and Snapchat, which rely on images and video to spread a message, including light-hearted memes and funny videos.

What makes a good story?

Understanding what makes a good story is an essential part of being a journalist.

When working as a features editor, the news editor and I would meet every morning with the editor and deputy editor to discuss a list of potential stories we thought were worth pursuing and agree where they would go in the paper.

The basic rule of thumb we followed for coverage and placement was based on how interesting the story was deemed to be, and how many people it affected.

Of course, this can be subjective, so when trying to decide whether a content marketing campaign has the potential to go viral, ask yourself the following questions:

What is the hook?

Do you have unique data?

Is the idea open to ambiguity?

Is it credible?

Does it provoke an emotional response?

Does it tell a story?

Why this idea now?

Who – and how many people – does it affect?

Appealing to your audience

The types of content we included in every newspaper was varied and would, we hoped, appeal to a variety of people – a process that content marketers could also to adopt. However, in order to do this properly, it is paramount to understand who you are targeting, the sort of content they enjoy and where you can find them online.

It is easy for a newspaper as the journalists know they have to produce content that appeals to everyone in the community they serve, but in content marketing it can be slightly more restrictive.

The brand you’re working for should have plenty of audience data, but there are also a wide variety of tools available online to help you flesh out your personas and give them a personality to target your content with.

Where to find story inspiration

Despite all these tips and tricks, they can only really be put to good use when you have something to write about. An easy way to continually have content to share is to localize a national story, for example.

Content marketers often do the same by blogging or Tweeting about a national story or seasonal event. Often referred to as ‘newsjacking’, this is a powerful tool to promote a brand across the web.

One of the best examples I have seen is by the toilet tissue brand, Charmin, using the Oscars to promote the brand:

But you must act fast for the greatest impact – sending the tweet after the main event would have had little impact for Charmin.

The final word

As you can see, there are plenty of valuable lessons the digital world can learn from print. It really is simple: people want content that resonates with them. Content that educates or entertains them; something they can share with others to make them look good or make them laugh.

Print media may be declining, but the journalistic principles many of us hold dear still ring true. Storytelling is as relevant today as it has ever been; the platforms may have changed, but the delivery remains the same.

from IM Tips And Tricks https://searchenginewatch.com/2018/05/21/insights-into-a-newsroom-learnings-for-content-marketing/ from Rising Phoenix SEO https://risingphxseo.tumblr.com/post/174107495255