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weakeninghope · 4 years

Text

Clean freak

Pairing: Joseph Joestar/Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli

Rating: Explicit

AO3 link here

Summary:

So Joseph starts working on his plan. If his room was out of the question, even if they shared the bathroom, he’d lock himself on there and jerk off in the shower. He’s sure that no matter the excuse he makes up Caesar is going to butt into it and ask him about it, but he’s too stressed to preoccupy himself further with this issue. He’ll just say that he is tired and needs some stress relief.

Fuck, no, forget about that. “Stress relief” can easily give out that he’s talking about jerking off, and he definitely doesn’t want Caesar to know, or even think that he’s planning on jerking off (even if the thought of the blonde getting the hint is a little bit arousing).

Maybe he could say that he’s thought about his personal hygiene and that Caesar has always been right when he’s told him that he should take better care of his body? That’s it. If he says that, even if Caesar tells him “I told you so” and pesters him about it, he’ll have a magnificent excuse.

Joseph has always been an excellent strategist, after all.

Notes:

Hello! long time no see, right?

This has been sitting in my drafts for months... but I have a job now and I've been really stressed, plus fighting against depression and anxiety, which has proven to be really complicated. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'm going to upload the next (and last) one as soon as I can hehe

if you want to talk to me or request something you can hit me up in:

Tumblr: @weakeninghope Twitter: @Tsumikans

Thank you for reading! As always, kudos and comments are much appreciated <3

Excuse me for the OOC and grammar mistakes, I’m a poor Spanish person doing their best ;_;

fic under the cut!

After a really long day of training, Joseph collapses against his bed, not even bothering to take a shower first. He’s sweaty, and he’s one hundred per cent sure that if Caesar were to find him in this state, he would call him gross and tell him to take a shower already.

But it wasn’t that easy. Even if they had separate rooms, they still had to share the bathroom, and Caesar was always the one to shower first, and he took his sweet time. Joseph doesn’t understand why, because his hair is short, so he doesn’t have to take long washing it, and, theoretically, Caesar’s clothes are covered in something soapy that always smells good, so he shouldn’t be that sweaty, or at least, he didn’t feel sweaty. But he knows Caesar is a clean freak, and he probably has an obsession with smelling nice all the time, probably to charm a lady or something like that. If his stomach churns at that thought, Joseph pretends not to notice it.

What is hard not to notice though, are all the small details in Caesar. He spends most of the time wrestling with him and in really close contact with the blond, so of course he’s noticed small details about his body.

The first thing he noticed were his pink birthmarks, he had been wondering what exactly they were ever since they first met, but their first meeting wasn’t exactly casual, so he wasn’t going to say “hey, asshole I’ve just met, what are those things in your cheeks?”. He’s never asked Caesar about them, and he’s never brought up the subject on purpose either. Still, he wonders how they would feel against his hands.

The second thing he noticed about Caesar was how expressive he was, overall, but mostly how everything he was feeling was reflected in his eyes. Joseph hated to admit that, but Caesar was a guy with charisma, and his eyes sparkled with an enigmatic sheen that honestly, he understood how they could make any woman crazy. It made him crazy as well. It really wasn’t funny at all, how often he’d fall on his butt or on his face while they were wrestling just because he looked at Caesar in the eyes and he’d found the blond staring right back at him, conveying all the right emotions, conveying all the raw honesty and fire in their encounter. But looking anywhere but Caesar’s eyes wasn’t an easy task either, probably because Joseph had always been really observant, and Caesar Zeppeli had plenty of… quality material to offer. Quality material. Joseph cringes at his own thoughts as he squeezes his pillow, trying to keep his thoughts from wandering to dangerous and uncharted territory.

But he fails miserably, obviously.

The third thing he noticed about Caesar was his… clothing choices. It isn’t as if they were bad. Just… weird. But not a bad kind of weird. Just a kind of weird Joseph hadn’t felt before. Because the bastard insisted on wearing those incredibly short and tight tops that Joseph himself also used to wear, but that was a completely different story, seeing them on someone else, seeing them on Caesar, was a completely different story. The first few outfits he’d seen on the other boy were completely horrendous, but as a few days passed, he seemed to find them less ugly. That, or he was just enjoying himself too much.

Which brings up the fourth thing he noticed about Caesar. How fucking ripped he was. And considering Joseph was almost 6’5 feet tall and built like a goddam wrestler, that was a compliment, but he wasn’t going to tell that to Caesar, that might boost the bastard’s ego further. In all honesty though, Joseph started to let himself be pinned down by Caesar more often than not, to see how it feels, and it took every ounce of his mental control not to sport a boner right then and there, because if he got hard thinking about Caesar that meant that he had to get off, and the walls of his room were ridiculously thin, and he didn’t want to risk the blond hearing him moan. In other circumstances (if he weren’t dangerously close to death and with two deadly rings inside his organs) he’d think about his sexuality. But honestly, he couldn’t care less right now. The person he lusted after right now was Caesar, and what if Caesar was a man?

And maybe… maybe he didn’t only lust after Caesar. Maybe he felt… something more.

But his feelings were really hard to approach when he had to spend every single one of his days in close contact with Caesar. To tell the truth, he was kind of proud of himself that he has managed to control his desires until now, it would have been really unfortunate if he hadn’t succeeded and a boner had appeared between his legs during training. Caesar would certainly never let him live it down, even if Joseph never told him that it was because of him; but since Caesar was the self-centered bastard he was we would start questioning him about his dirty thoughts, and this kind of conversation was not on the list of topics he wanted to discuss with Caesar.

That’s it. He had to get off. At least once, because if he kept going this pent-up he would be even more unfocused in his training sessions and he could not risk it because his life, Caesar’s life, hell, humanity was in danger.

Joseph has always been an excellent strategist, after all.

So that’s it. Tomorrow he will tell Caesar that he wants to shower first because he can’t stand to be his sweaty and dirty self anymore. And there, in the private space of the shower he will be able to think about Caesar as much as he wants, having the knowledge that Caesar has showered there some time prior.

Anyway, he doesn’t want to think about it that much now because it wouldn’t be the first time a boner appears between his legs at the thought of Caesar in the shower, because every time training is over and they retire to their rooms, Joseph lays down on his bed trying to stop himself from getting more turned on than he should, and Caesar, always, at the same time, knocks on the door and tells him that he’s going to the shower.

And today is no exception. In fact, in five minutes approximately, Caesar is going to come to knock on his door and tell him that the bathroom is going to be occupied for at least an hour. Why does Caesar need that much time, Joseph doesn’t know, but it’s always been like this. The good thing is that when Caesar leaves and Joseph goes there to take a shower himself or to just take a piss. He wonders if Caesar washes his hair more than twice and spends the rest of the time carefully impregnating his body with his body gel that smells like wild berries. He can easily imagine it, Caesar locking the door of the bathroom, putting his towel and a fresh set of clothes on top of the bathroom cabinet, not quite close to the shower but not far either. Then he would remove his headband, leaving his hair sticking out in different directions and tousled as if he had just woken up. Joseph wonders how Caesar would look with unkempt hair, or even how would Caesar look outside of his usually calm and composed demeanor. But since he knows that Caesar can’t stand a single second like that, he wouldn’t linger more than the necessary time in taking his clothes off, which is, in reality, such a pity, because Joseph knew for sure that it would be really enjoyable to watch. It would put on a great show to say the least. And that would only be the starting point. Because one thing that Joseph knows and doesn’t need to see to confirm his suspicions (even if he would very much like to) is that Caesar would take his time to put his dirty clothes on the basket for Suzie Q to take when he left, instead of leaving them scattered on the floor like Joseph always does. Which means that there is a time lapse in which Caesar is naked and not in the shower.

God. This is really not helping Joseph’s determination to wait until tomorrow to jerk off in the shower.

And once Caesar stepped into the shower, he would have to wait a while for the heater to kick in, so that’s more time of naked Caesar without the shower. But when the heater kicked in and Caesar stepped into the warm water maybe he would release a hum of satisfaction once it hit his exhausted body. The warm droplets would slide down his skin, his dampened hair would stick to his nape and his wet hands would caress his body to release the stress and tension from his muscles. Then he would grab the shampoo and carefully thread his fingers in to his hair and massage his scalp to make sure his hair is thoroughly taken care of soaking up every fiber and enjoying the fact that, after an arduous day of training, he can wash the sweat and the dirt of his hair. Joseph is sure that, considering the amount of effort Caesar must put into selfcare (not only his hair, but his skin too) he must be really soft, in all places possible. If he closes his eyes he can vividly picture it, His hand finding its way to Caesar’s hair, threading his fingers into golden locks, and the other hand caressing his face, soft, pleading skin as the result oh skincare and expensive shower gel and shampoo. After his hair is washed up, he would start with his body, bubbly soap in his arms, his face, his long, muscular legs, his abs, everything this perfect body has to offer, standing naked under the water as the stream washes the soap off and Caesar relaxes… exposed skin under warm droplets…

Every possible bit of skin, even those that Joseph hasn’t seen yet…

How would it feel if Joseph were to…?

… Stop it before it’s too late, Joseph thinks.

But maybe it is too late because in these five minutes Joseph’s head has been full of thoughts of Caesar practically rubbing himself in the shower and, as it was destined to happen, Joseph has now a growing tent between his pants, and thinking of Caesar stepping into the shower again this afternoon to repeat the process that Joseph has pictured in his head only spurred him on even further.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to… just a little…

So Joseph carefully brings his right hand to his crotch, and even through the barrier of his clothes he just groans at the contact, and abandoning himself to his instincts, he begins rubbing himself through his trousers, pleasure making its way to his brain and transporting himself to another reality where he can fantasize about Caesar as much as he wants.

Wait.

Caesar? Was that his voice?

“Jojo!” Comes Caesar’s voice through his door. He’s demanding, which means that he’s probably knocked before and Joseph didn’t realize, too busy pleasuring himself. “Since you’re not answering, I’m going to come in to make sure you’re here and that you didn’t remove your mask or do anything funny.”

Shit.

Joseph has literally a few seconds to flip his position and lay face down the bed (as uncomfortable as that is) to hide his raging erection. He grabs a comic book from his nightstand and picks a random page to pretend he’s reading, and then Caesar steps into his room, probably to make sure that he’s wearing his mask.

“Oh, so you’re reading one of those lame comics of yours” Caesar chastises, trying to make Joseph to turn around to look at him, plus stepping closer to him so now he’s standing close to Joseph’s face, if the former tilts his head just a bed he will be able to see him. But that won’t happen. Caesar mustn’t see what Joseph is hiding. In no way whatsoever. So he pretends not to hear him and flips through his comic.

“Jojo, are going to keep ignoring me? Are you angry because you lost again today? Oh, come on, I didn’t take you for such a baby” Caesar taunts. He’s definitely trying to pick up a fight. And Joseph has enough of that. So he turns his face slightly.

And that’s when he sees it.

Caesar is half naked. He’s only wearing a towel, covering his nether region. His torso is full on display, his chiseled abs at plain sight. His pale skin shining with sweat. The sight is so breathtaking that Joseph even ignores that he reeks of sweat. From this angle he can’t even see his face, which he doesn’t know if it’s for better or for worse.

“So, you can’t bother to even look at me?” Caesar inquiries, still trying to taunt Joseph. The brunet doesn’t even know which game Caesar is trying to play, coming to his room half naked like that and pretending Joseph to stare at his face ignoring that, were the towel to full, everything about the blonde would be full on display.

“I have already had my fill of your ugly face, thank you.” Joseph retorts, returning his attention to his comic. Stay calm. Caesar will eventually leave, and this will be over.

Then Caesar crouches besides the bed, and Joseph turns upon hearing his knees crack.

Their eyes crash. Joseph can’t stand the enigmatic sheen of those green eyes for more than two seconds, and averts his eyes. In other circumstances, he would have no problem to participate in a battle of stares, being confident in his victory, but with a tremendous boner between his legs and the object of his desires a few centimeters away from him, he would rather this to end.

“Your next words will be ‘I’m going to use the shower, make sure to wash your dirty body when I come out’” Joseph lets go, staring at his comic. He knows that now Caesar will leave, and fortunately, he will have some alone time to enjoy himself. Fuck his plan to do it tomorrow. An emergency is an emergency.

“I’m going to use the shower, make sure to wash your dirty body when I come out” Caesar spits, even though there’s no malice in his voice, he’s just tired of Joseph’s antics. With no further ado, he gets up, leaves Josephs room and heads to the bathroom.

Joseph rolls into his bed and now, face up again, looks down at his crotch.

The boner is still there, and knowing what Caesar is going to do now…

Usually, when Caesar goes to the shower, Joseph hears him lock the bathroom door, he’s usually very quick doing this, because he knows Caesar enjoys his privacy more than anyone else, but today, Joseph still hasn’t heard the lock.

So that’s when he has an idea.

It’s a very dangerous idea, but it’s worse to fail than not to try at all. And just a peek won’t hurt.

Yeah, that’s it. He’s too horny to function though, in other circumstances he’s sure that this wouldn’t happen, but it’s too late to be a rational human being right now.

That’s it, he’s made up his mind. Joseph carefully stands up and, boner still standing proudly between his legs, removes his shoes from his feet and carefully walks to the bathroom, which is between Caesar’s room and his.

As he suspected, the door isn’t locked. In fact, it’s slightly open. Not half open or something like that, but it’s enough to see something if you try hard enough.

And, indeed, he does see something.

He catches a glimpse of Caesar’s ass when he removes his pants. It looks so plump, so inviting. And he can hear Caesar humming a song in Italian, an unknown song he has heard him hum before, and, as he had imagined many times prior, when he steps into the shower, even if he disappears from Joseph’s sight, Caesar hums in satisfaction. And that’s when Joseph loses it. He makes a mad dash to his room, and, T-shirt still on and all brings his pants and underwear to his knees.

Ready to start pleasuring himself, Joseph brings his hand to his cock, ready to start pumping.

He almost releases a moan at the long desired contact, but someone beats him to it. He hears a voice which is not his own release a sweeet, pent-up moan.

Joseph stops dead in his tracks because the only person who could do this is Caesar. How loud must he be moaning for Joseph to hear him through the sound of the water running down his skin? But still, the walls of these rooms are ridiculously thin, and the bathroom door isn’t locked so…

Well, hearing Caesar moan isn’t what he was expecting but it’s a sign that he has to jerk off now, that he can’t wait anymo-

“Jojo…”

What? Maybe he’s hearing things…

“J-Jojo…”

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Caesar is a room away, jerking off to him?

Joseph’s cook is already flushed red, precum falling onto his stomach, and he has only touched it.

So this is what Caesar Zeppeli is doing to him.

Screw self-control, Joseph has had enough of that. How is he supposed to control himself when this is happening.

So he doesn’t waste any more time and starts pumping his length. He starts nice and slow, still hearing Caesar’s moans. Every time he hears his name Joseph can only close his eyes and imagine that it’s Caesar’s hand on his cock, driving him crazy. Or even Caesar’s clock sliding against his, the friction too much for Joseph to handle. He’s sure that were him to do this with Caesar (if sex was on the table) he wouldn’t last very long. His hand feels rough and calloused against his dick, but it feels amazing. He hasn’t felt like this in a long time, probably because since he’s here he hasn’t had the chance to jerk off properly, and now he’s dragging the moment as much as he can.

But this isn’t enough. He wants more.

So he slides a hand under his t-shirt to caress his nipples, long, circular motions at his buds, once again, imagining that it’s Caesar who is doing this. He also pictures how it would feel like, to have his moist tongue lapping there and sucking hard. He wants to feel Caesar eating him whole. He wants to feel Caesar on top of him, roughly grabbing his hands, putting them over his hands, tying him up so Joseph can’t move, wants Caesar to tell him that he’s being a good boy, wants to cum for Caesar.

Joseph’s hand starts speeding up his pace, and, apparently, Joseph has no control over his voice, even if he’s trying to muffle his moans through his hands, because when he reaches his climax and he’s teetering over the edge, a long, erotic “Caesar” escapes his mouth.

And that’s when he realizes that he’s left the door of his room open.

#jjba #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #caejose #Joseph Joestar #Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli

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space-malex · 3 years

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There's lots of back and forth on who Victor should be with, but all s1 and s2 showed me is that Victor isn't cut out to be anyone's partner at this point in his life. He did Mia dirty and couldn't even properly apologize for it in s2 and the Victor who actually prioritized Benji's happiness and tried to take all responsibility for their kiss with Derek so they can keep dating disappeared in s2. He couldn't even articulate that breaking Benji's trust was wrong with spilling his secret to Rahim, let alone understand him at any point during the season. I don't know if it's supposed to be an international character flaw to be worked on or if the writers think having everything from Victor's POV is a good excuse, but it bothers me a lot. I really thought Malex was the height of showrunner bias and uneven writing, but Venji is so much worse. Alex at least always had a POV and a well-defined personality I could easily empathize with. You can't pile a ton of trauma on a character and never explore it, especially if it's supposed to be half of your main ship. I don't know how reflective a Twitter poll is of the audience split (the one they did on Instagram was much more overwhelmingly in favour of Venji, but they also don't show how many people voted), but it's not surprising that a dynamic that was basically written to be pretty much perfect so far and a fun alternative for the main ship's drama is appealing to so many people. They could have easily sold Venji better this season as a couple. They can lay a better foundation for future romantic them if they spend real time together platonically in s3 and stop putting each other on pedestals. They can also ruin what's appealing about Vahim with drama in s3. It's anyone's guess how s3 is going to play out. All I know is if Venji is still the endgame, I don't want a redo of s1 with Victor trying to work harder at a relationship he ultimately doesn't want to be in than he ever tried to make it work with the guy he's supposedly in love with. That's a recipe for disaster. A lot of shows are guilty of never showing us an endgame ship actually working on screen before putting them back together at the end of the show. I really want better here.

A lot to unpack

Victor did apologize to Mia, said he loves her and never meant to hurt her. It’s a bit complicated because Victor never went into the relationship with bad intentions and it took him the majority of the season to come to terms with his sexuality. Yes, he should’ve ended it right away when he figured it out, and he shouldn’t have kissed Benji when he was still with her. But still, there is a fine line here because there’s only so much of an apology Victor can give without it feeling like he’s apologizing for who he is, for being gay, and that’s not something he needs to feel sorry for. I think we should also keep in mind that Mia had her little thing with Andrew at the same time and never told Victor about it. She didn’t cheat or anything (or when he kissed her she stopped it) but she had obvious feelings for Andrew that she hadn’t dealt with. Luckily they finally got resolved in s2 but they were definitely there when she was still with Victor.

Now, what is it with this Victor slander in my house? He and Benji were pretty much constantly arguing or making up, but I’ve rarely seen people apologize to someone else as many times as Victor did to Benji about things that weren’t even his fault. He spent all season apologizing for his mother, even though he has no control over what she thinks or does, but also assured Benji that she is trying and that she is getting better. And he would know that better than Benji because he knows his mother and Benji does not. Or apologizing for not being ready to come out to everyone. And then turned around and did it anyway, which was what he wanted to do, but it also felt a lot about Benji and something he was doing for him as well. Which, fine, it’s Victor’s decision and he didn’t regret doing it. But then when there were consequences that hurt him by his team being homophobic, Benji first shrugs them off and then encourages Victor to quit the team so that he’s not around homophobic people. Which okay, first of all homophobes exist everywhere but I digress. Victor was miserable after he quit the basketball team. It’s not actually what he wanted to do, and he loves basketball, and Benji had no respect for that either. He acted like basketball with some kind of leftover heteroness that needed to be expelled from Victor. And he talked shit about it with his friends right in front of Victor. In fact, every time Victor tried to express himself, he would be essentially shut down by Benji and end up apologizing. Until episode 6 with the birthday and episode 8 after Isabel caught them together.

So look, I don’t think Benji had to tell Victor anything about his alcoholism because it’s his personal business and it’s really difficult to talk about something like that and it was definitely up to him when he wanted to open up. But then he turned around and was basically pissed at Victor for knowing even though Victor found out by accident. And then he refused to talk about it. And then when Victor expressed his hurt that Benji didn’t want to talk to him, Benji responded by completely attacking Victor and straight up saying it was exhausting work being with him bc he’s got a religious homophobic mom and is newly gay. Like….what??

Benji judged Victor for 1) being a jock 2) his mother and 3) being a baby gay. Victor never once judged Benji for his alcohol problems, he was just hurt Benji didn’t share with him. He didn’t judge Benji for anything else for that matter. He definitely shouldn’t have told Rahim about Benji, even though I do understand he needed someone to open up to and he trusts Rahim, it was a violation of Benji’s trust and not okay. But that’s like…the only bad thing Victor has done all season.

As for the pov thing- it wouldn’t be such a big deal if they actually developed Benji as a character, which they have not. We get no moments of him where he’s not with Victor (except the one conversation with Isabel, which was about Victor). If you’re going to have a character not share about their life to the protagonist, you need to find another way to share it with the audience. It leads to a disconnect and lack of emotional investment in Benji for many people. The fact that I feel I know Rahim better after 5 episodes than I do Benji after 20 is saying something. But the writing has given Rahim development that it hasn’t given Benji. It’s not surprising a lot of people in the audience are feeling more connected to Rahim as a result. Polls are never the most reliable thing since it depends on who sees them and how many people (twitters was about 20k respondents iirc but no idea about ig). I see a lot of vahim shipping on twitter and ig, tumblr not so much. But I will say I’ve seen people coming around on vahim who are watching the season now, as opposed to the smaller number who immediately watched the moment it came out, went in shipping Victor and Benji and had a knee jerk reaction about the possibility of another romance for Victor.

This is not comparable to malex in any way so I have no clue why you’re bringing them up.

And personally, I was never invested in Victor and Benji’s relationship. Even in s1 I was like 🤷🏻‍♀️ And now, with or without vahim, I think Victor and Benji should break up. They’re just not a great couple and I feel like the show would do well to make it okay for your first relationship to not necessarily be right for you. Especially for a gay couple because that like…NEVER happens on tv. It doesn’t take anything away from what v*nji mean to each other. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. I didn’t start shipping vahim bc of anything with v*nji directly, I just loved their dynamic. I love seeing Victor light up. I love seeing him comfortable instead of constantly feeling insecure and apologetic. To me, vahim connect in a way v*nji do not.

Victor did not develop feelings for Rahim just because he was having issues with Benji. Just like Benji did not develop feelings for Victor just because he was having issues with Derek. Implying that does a disservice to both relationships and kinda takes agency away from a character and their feelings. But I want him and Benji to end things for real before anything happens with Rahim. Which might mean trying to make it work for a while longer.

We will see!!

#anon #shut up kelli #vahim #ship drama #lv discourse

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fallingsunflower · 3 years

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Mod tell that anon to fuck off this is your blog and your time. That anon is probably one of those toxic harries on twitter who keeps bullying every fan who dare to criticized Harry or disagree with his last professional decisions and calling them larries and asked their mutuals to report the account. Bullies in disgusted pretending being woke while forcing harry fans to leave twitter and hide their opinions in the anonymity of tumblr.

Thank you <3 sorry I didn't respond earlier. I missed a couple asks. But yeah an overwhelming amount of holivia shippers/hardcore harries are bullies and for what lmao I'm not going anywhere, don't worry. I might just step back on the occasion but they won't run me off. They're disgusting cowards who have nothing better to do with their life.

I already blocked this person but these are the types of asks I've been getting. I feel like making a masterpost just to make fun of these asks/rank them on how unique they are lmao

TW - eating disorder/body dysmorphia

I give this one a 2/10. It's not that original which leads me to believe it was written by a 13 year old high school bully who clearly lacks a brain to come up with something more unique. They also fail to take into consideration that every person sweats because that's literally just how the body works.

Anyways I'd rank it lower but unfortunately I actually do have an eating disorder. I've said it multiple times. Not sure if this anon knew that or not but either or it's a dick move to send in something like that.

But just know all bodies are beautiful. It doesn't matter what you look like. You're all gorgeous and I love you all <3 People like ^ that anon will never know true happiness and they're probably miserable with their own life so they feel the need to bring others down. It's unfortunate

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book23worm · 4 years

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A Time Warp

My dear Tumblr friends,

In truth, I’m not really sure how to go about writing this. There is so much I need and would like to say. So, please, bear with me as I muddle through this.

I discovered Tumblr in 2012, right around the time of the London Olympics. I discovered tagging and posts and fandoms and fan fiction. But most importantly, I discovered people. People who shared similiar interests and ideas to me. People who were creative and funny and interesting. Tumblr was a space where I could escape into my feels for everything and anything. A space that I didn’t have anywhere else in my life.

Fast forward to 2013 when I lost my job. I decided to pack and leave and go all the way to China. With that, came the end of Tumblr. When I returned to South Africa in 2014 after my year contract was up, I made a sweep of social media. Facebook stayed. Twitter ditched. Tumblr stayed. Instagram... Did not exist at that point. At least not for me.

Coming back to Tumblr felt like home. I reconnected with old friends and fandoms. I discovered new fandoms and with that, lovely new friends. Of course, hockey fandom meant my sleep patterns were disturbed but it was worth it.

Like all fandoms, hockey was not without its share of criticisms or dare I say, drama.

But that sense of community, of belonging drove me. It gave me strength. It gave me hope. For that, I will always be grateful to the tremendous humans in hockey fandom. You are the MVPs. You are the Special Ones. You are the Great Ones.

But I also cannot deny that once again, Tumblr gave me an escape from the real world. An escape that was not altogether healthy. Because, at the time, I didn’t confront the fact that I was so utterly miserable at work or the new city I chose to live in. I kept trying to convince myself it would work. I would fit. I would find a space. I never did.

2016 was a reckoning in that regard. I quit my job and moved back in with my parents. That was possibly the healthiest and unhealthiest thing I could have done. I don’t regret my choice to quit. But I do regret not having an inkling of what I was doing or where I was going next. I do regret not prioritising my mental health, particularly with regard to the complex relationship I have always had and have with my mother.

Tumblr became my go to space. Every day. Every game. Every moment. I was there. I witnessed and blogged. Reblogged. Argued. Made content. Had amazing conversations. The 2016 Olympics and the Pens winning the Stanley Cup in such a close timeframe was mindblowing.

Still, it didn’t take away from me feeling like my own world and the world at large were coming apart at the seams. It started with Donald Trump being elected in November 2016, a grave foreshadowing of what was becoming a trend across the world, the rise of populists. Not to mention how this tidal wave seemed to insert itself everywhere. Into all the cracks and spaces. Fandoms were not left unscathed. Tumblr was not left unscathed.

Amidst all of this, I chose to return to China. I wanted to find a space where I was at peace. Where I could feel like myself again. Where I didn’t have to rely on screen time to feel a sense of joy. Another move to China meant the end of social media.

Technology had advanced tremendously since my first stint in the Middle Kingdom. So I invested in a VPN, a portal to the world beyond the Great Firewall. I wish I could say this helped me feel connected, like I was still a part of things. It didn’t. For the life of me, I couldn’t really tell you why I felt like this.

So, I logged out by choice this time. Out of Facebook. Tumblr. YouTube. All of it. Gone. I walked away, not sure if I had made the right choice or not.

Of course, it’s not true that I didn’t keep up with what was going on. Watching the Pens win the Cup again in 2017 was something magnificent. Watching how ecstatic my fellow Pens fans were was something extraordinary. Logging back in once or twice over that summer in 2017 and marvelling over the festivities gave me the greatest joy.

Then reality came smashing down around my ears. Pens fandom bitterly divided by the impending White House visit. People shouting at each other and over each other. People arguing with each other. People trashing each other. At the time, I didn’t say anything. I offered no opinion. I offered no comfort. That is something I regret to this day.

And then, that photo came out. That person surrounded by our team. Our beloved Pens in the White House.

I cannot tell you how emotional I was over that photograph. A visceral anger. Disbelief. Sheer sadness. I could not fathom how a team that I had poured my soul into could do that. They had a choice. We all had a choice. Something died in me that day. Not my love for my team. But my respect.

It’s not for me to say whether sports and politics should be mixed. It’s not for me to say whether we should or should not support teams, based on what they do and do not speak on. It’s not for me to say that people should not keep supporting the teams they love and fandoms they enjoy being a part of. I actively encourage people to do things and contribute to things that positively impact their well-being.

But as time has gone on, at least for me anyway, it’s cemented my fervent belief that silence is deadly. Not speaking up if you have the platform to do so means human lives will be lost. It is a falsehood to think that one drop in the ocean doesn’t have some kind of impact somewhere. For me, the Penguins had that chance to speak. To say something. And they didn’t take it. Not one of them took it. There have been other things that have happened in hockey that I fundamentally cannot stomach, not least of all the impending law suit bought forward by Daniel Carcillo.

Of course, me saying this doesn’t mean much, right? The world will not shift because of my feelings about this. The Penguins (a team I no longer recognise given that most of the players I adored have been traded) will continue to play as they should. People will continue to support them as they should. Fandom will continue to thrive as it should.

However, as painful as it is for me, hockey is no longer something I can be a part of. This hasn’t been a decision I’ve taken lightly. It does not make me a saint or ‘woke’ either by stepping away. It doesn’t make you a good or bad person supporting any particular sport. It just makes you a person.

In saying this, some of you who are still reading, may have some questions.

To the extraordinarily wonderful people in hockey fandom... This is not good-bye to you. God, I really hope its not good-bye. I love each and every one of you. Each of you is a force for good in the world. Furthermore, I support your choice to engage with and support hockey and to uphold hockey fandom on Tumblr. I will continue to follow each of you because you are the greatest gift of my experience of hockey fandom.

As for my blog, I’m not sure which direction I’ll be going in. I’m certainly going to keep my URL as I’m far too attached to it. I have decided to leave my hockey content for those who still gain joy from it. To delete it would be as if my experience never existed. And that is not right. It happened, for better and for worse. If you wish to unfollow, there are no hard feelings.

Right now, the world is so fraught and uncertain. I wish I had the words to express something hopeful. When you can, choose kindness. Choose to actively uplift someone. Be brave. Now more than ever. Speak up. Speak out. Particularly if you can. Not everyone will agree with you. That’s okay. Go with respect in your heart. Find joy. Find that scrap of happiness and set the world alight with it. Finally, you are valid. Just as you are. You are enough. Just as you are.

Sending all my love,

Book23worm xoxo

#I'm not sure how to tag this so there's that #I don't even remember how to do this #So there's that #I have missed you all

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softballersblog · 4 years

Text

30 Day Writing Challenge

I saw this challenge on Pinterest and it really looks interesting so I decided to give it a try and see how consistent I am.

Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy.

1. A Morning Run. Since I began work, I also stop being a morning person becuase of my body fueled with caffiene and all those energy boosters to sustain my day in work I sleep most of the nights late. But here I am now trying to make me better and pulling myself to wake up at 5 am everyday even at weekends.

2. Cats. I have an allergy and as a matter of fact my maintenance medicine cost so much. I love cats like I could hug them all day and suffer afterwards.

3. Coffee. Smell and taste of that dashing aroma makes me fall in love with coffee everyday. I could drink 3 times a day.

4. TV sitcoms and series. Friends, Bigbang thoery and How I met your mother save me from being bored during qaurantine days. In fact I binge until 5 am in the morning.

5. Books. I dont't have much money to buy books so I'm glad that I can read and download it on my phone.

6. Listening to music. I can basically listen to them all day. The 1975, 5 Seconds of Summer, Taylor Swift, Avicii and other indie pop rock. Don't judge me by my song choice and they rules.

7. Going out for a nature trip. I hike during weekends with my friends and it's cool tho becuse I really love the environment that creates positivity and the vibes with the person I go along with was purely nice. It feels like it's awesome to be some place where you can breath entirely natural.

8. Taking photos. I am narcissitic, probably could take 100 selfies all day and won't post them becuase I felt ugly afterwards. What makes fun and love taking photos is when I just saw something very unsual with the place, moods and vibes.

9.Twitter and Tumblr. So the only social media that makes me feel free all the time is Twiiter and Tumblr. Thanks to you guys and to my 3k followers on Twitter. Don't blame me for tweeting how miserable my day at work becuase it really sucks.

10. Blackpink. I never thought that I could be more happier again after my last break up. Being miserable and single gives me a lot of anxiety. Why I am being so hard on myself being single anyways? Oh yeah probably becuase all of my friends are in relationship. Gladly I open my eyes, ears and heart to Blackpink which I never expected to fall in love with. I felt crazy about them and watch all of thier videos without subtitle.

#blackpink #challenge post #friends #writing #love #positive

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mieczyhale · 4 years

Text

a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone)

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise) my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough.

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol)

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so.

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie)

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

#might delete later?? probably?? havent decided.#maison speaks #tinysquidrachel

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rainbowdashisthebest1 · 5 years

Text

Winteriron fic recs

This is a fic rec list of some of my favorite Bucky/Tony fanfiction!

They are organized and numbered in order from shortest to longest (1k-167k). There is a collective total of 36 fics on this list.

All are located on ao3 (Archive of our Own).

The word count is listed underneath the title. (for example, 14k is the same as fourteen thousand words).

I have tried my best to avoid any stories with Major Character Death or an Unhappy Ending. So you don't need to worry about those here!

If they have a little star (*) that means they are some of the more memorable ones that I have read.

ENJOY!

1~killer love

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/20646356

“Nice to finally meet you in person," Bucky said. "If you’re anything like you were over text, I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“More or less,” Tony shrugged playfully. “Just with a little more murder.”

Something dark passed over Bucky’s face, there and gone in an instant. “Murder?” he asked.

“I’m a mystery writer,” Tony explained, hands waving. “That’s why my search history was so bizarre, you know? Gotta do my research and all that. What do you do?”

“I work in forensics,” Bucky replied after a beat.

Tony breathed out a sigh of relief. “Oh, good,” he said. “For a second there, I thought you were a serial killer or something.”

2~Like me better

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636204

For almost a fraction of a second, Tony thinks this is it – Barnes isn’t attractive anymore, he’s not some badass bad boy; he’s a giant squishy nerd – he isn’t hot. I don’t want to take his pants off with my teeth, I don’t want to lick my way down his body and I don’t want him hoisting me up and fucking me against a wall – no, sir, I – am a giant fucking liar.

3~suicidal stolen art

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/20134036

Tony was going to kill Bucky Barnes. Tony was going to cut the other thief’s flesh arm off and beat him with it. It was bad enough that they were both running jobs in the same building, but they had to be going for the same necklace, too.

Really, the universe hated Tony. He stared at the ceiling, sending up a very nasty prayer in case someone was listening, then turned back to the job at hand.

4~Bad Days

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/11971314

Bucky likes Tony, but is too scared to tell him. What he doesn't know is that every time he has a "winter soldier" moment, he is constantly protecting tony and not letting anyone near him, so tony already knows that Bucky likes him ("genius, remember?"). Bucky finally gets up the courage to talk to Tony, only for Tony to tell him what's been going on and he's been waiting for Bucky to be comfortable enough to actually tell him.

5~Bad Scoping Mechanisms

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20607554

Like, the general public hates Tony Stark for having been a weapons manufacturer but actually he was pretty popular while he was still in the weapons industry so one wonders, who would have been a fan of Stark Industries before Afghanistan? Military, alphabet agencies, private security, hitmen and assassins? ...Hydra assassins?

-In which the Winter Soldier, aka Bucky Barnes, is an avid fan of Tony Stark for reasons.-

6~Sometimes Life Happens

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/4376774 Prompt: Imagine Tony and Bucky where Bucky works for the Russian mob and he hijacks Tony's car with Tony still in it to run from the cops. Tony wants to be mad, but really, he was sort of bored anyways and hang on, this guy's deadly, hot, and he has an awesome f*cking arm. Maybe this hostage thing isn't so bad after all.

Tony hadn’t necessarily been looking for further proof of his maladjusted—one might even argue self-destructive—approach to problems, but sometimes life happened, and you didn’t have any choice but to take a long, hard look at yourself. Sometimes, you’re sitting in your car, staring into your recently emptied coffee cup, contemplating whether or not you really want to do this whole “leading a responsible life” thing anymore, and a guy with a gun slides into your passenger seat. Sometimes, that’s just the way your Monday goes.

7~Tell Me Your Name, I Need To Know

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907770

Tony is overworked and underappreciated, always pushing his limits and not taking care of himself well; but someone decides to take care of Tony for a change.

Tony just wishes he knew who it was.

8~Nightmare Dressed Like a Daydream

3k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17322914 Bucky accidentally crashes a blind date and he's not all that sorry about it.

9~Arm(s) Dealer

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/20869010

Just Tony being totally oblivious of Bucky being his fanboy and Bucky trying to 'play it cool' and kind of failing at it and coming across as kind of a weirdo.

-In which Tony slowly but surely realizes Bucky is his biggest fan. Slowly though.-

10~Warmth

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543758 The day Bucky realizes that the Winter Soldier is in love with Tony Stark, he nearly brains himself on the doorway between his room and the rest of Stevie’s floor.

Because that’s the thing, he’s somehow not noticed, despite sharing a headspace with him. It’s been a team-wide question since Bucky came in from the cold as to why the Soldier spends so much time with Stark, and even Bucky’s been unable to answer, though now he’s just unwilling. The Soldier is in love with Stark. He’s the sun, the Soldier thinks. How the hell is this Bucky’s life?

11~How to Survive a Haunted House

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070833

“Lord save me from crazy white boys,” were probably going to be Rhodey’s last words. He didn’t care what his friend said; this place was haunted, and they were both gonna end up dead because Tony was too taken in by the ample closet space.

A fanfiction based on a popular twitter thread.

12~How to get away with (murder) Tony*

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/13516308 All Bucky wants is five minutes alone with Tony - is that really too much to ask? Yes, it is, at least according to the rest of the Avengers that made it their mission to never leave him alone with the engineer for whatever reason. So if he ever wants to make his moves, he's going to have to employ every single one of his assassin training techniques and more. And he better do it fast, before the annoyed Winter Soldier takes over and just kills the meddling fools. Naturally, Tony is completely oblivious to the entire situation until a mysterious note leads him to the most unlikely of places - McDonald's.

13~forgiveness (can you imagine)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17585558

bucky gets called back to the states so the man whose parents he killed can help him fix what has been unmade

he never expected tony stark's massive capacity for forgiveness to remake him

14~Not a Competition

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/16951419

Steve Rogers has been trying to force himself back into Tony's life, despite the fact that Tony no longer wants him there. Bucky makes some mistakes but tries his best to keep Tony safe and away from Steve's unwanted advances.

Features clear communication between Bucky and Tony, Tony learning about healthy relationships, a realistic approach to jealousy, and a potential bash down of Captain America.

15~These Sleepless Nights of Ours

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/19971652

It's another sleepless night and no one is around to keep Tony company. That is until he wanders into the Compound gardens and finds an insomniac Winter Soldier in desperate need of a hug.

16~Today's Forecast*

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/6830737

Loneliness had followed Tony Stark his entire life, so they were on pretty good terms. Ignoring those empty places inside of himself was easier once the day was in full swing, but the mornings had a way of slipping a knife between his ribs and getting him right in the heart.

The last place Tony expected to find the cure for his condition was on TV, but now watching the morning weather report has become the highlight of his day. Well, it was less the weather, and more the weatherman. One look at Bucky Barnes making some adorably lame joke about umbrellas, all lopsided smile and sparkling eyes, and Tony was in love.

17~This Ship (Ain't Never Ginna Sink)*

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7939663/chapters/18149251

HYDRA kidnaps Tony Stark. What happens next should be obvious—the torture, the snark, the dramatic rescue. You know, the usual. Except.

Except Bix—the newest self-proclaimed faceless HYDRA goon—really ships WinterIron.

Or: Why faceless HYDRA goons aren’t allowed to have a Tumblr account.

18~The Gift Of Care

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/19908034

Freshly back to the States, James Barnes has a lot to learn about his new world, so he watches and learns and finds himself slowly falling for one Tony Stark, who always appears miserable when he has to spend time at the Compound with his former teammates, but who still takes the time to treat James with kindness.

James sets out on a mission to take care of Tony, make Tony’s life easier in whatever small ways he can. An unfortunate misunderstanding nearly ruins that, but in the end, James still reaps the rewards of his secret good deeds.

19~The Art of Petty Theft

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15943550

All Tony needs right now is a good night’s sleep, but with nightmares nipping at his heels, he can’t do it without his sweatshirt— Rhodey’s sweatshirt, technically, that had become Tony’s long ago, back in their MIT days. The sweatshirt had kept him warm, cozy, and safe through many bad nights, but now it’s missing and when Tony finds out which one of his teammates is a no-good clothes thief, oh, they were going to have words.

20~Merry Kissmas

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/5368094

In which all Bucky wants for Christmas is a certain genius superhero, and for the rest of their teammates to stop hanging mistletoe and kissing said genius, thank you very much.

21~The Voice Inside My Head

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12253551/chapters/27844158

The Soldier is overly protective of Tony after the rogue Avengers come back, forcing his way out when the slightest thing happens to him, so it's a problem when Steve doesn't know when to stop.

22~Whatever you say darling

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/6942853

Tony has been trying to woo Bucky for about a year now. He flirts, he builds him things, he kisses him on the cheek after movie nights and does almost everything he can think of to convince the guy that he really wants to date him. Bucky is strangely steadfast in his answer though: No, they can't date. After an explosive argument about the issue, Tony leaves the Tower for Malibu, making the team wary of a moody Bucky. When he comes back after two weeks, things are a bit...different.

Tony is actually doing exactly what Bucky asks. And it is creeping the team out while making Bucky go crazy.

23~Phase Change

10k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336445/chapters/38220197

The man who used to be both Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier but now neither has to figure out who he is and what he wants, with a little prodding from Tony along the way.

24~by any other name

10k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944860/chapters/34627725

He hates 'Bucky', hates the man, hates the way it makes his skin crawl and his chest ache.

Hates hearing that name thrown around so cavalier. Hates the image it evokes.

But he can't do anything about it. His tongue is leaden, his tongue sour with disgust, and he's unable to push out the words.

Until Tony Stark rages a one-man war against 'Bucky Barnes'.

Or, the 5 times Tony rejected 'Bucky’ and the 1 time James did.

25~Let It Grow

10k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15711483

When Tony steps inside a random flower shop on pure impulse, he doesn't expect to find himself face to face with the hottest florist he has ever seen. Sure, the guy is also the snarkiest florist he has ever seen, but Tony wouldn't consider that a bad thing. Bucky is clever, funny, and can keep up with Tony's banter better than most, and maybe Tony becomes a little bit infatuated with the man, right then and there.

And maybe Tony ends up going back to that same flower shop, time and time again, just to talk to Bucky. That's not weird at all.

He can always pretend it's for the flowers.

26~Speed Dating (Isn't Supposed to Happen in Cars)*

11k https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/19388686 Tony's temporarily broke due to a scandal at Stark Industries, and with no one willing to hire him, he's got to get creative in how to get by. When he reads about a solar-powered car race that pays out in the millions, he knows he can win it. He just needs a car, all the parts, a racing team, a sponsor, a driver, and like a gajillion other things he does not have. What he does have is: one whole month, an Air Force pilot, an heiress, two enthusiastic teenagers, a discredited science teacher, three ex-cons, a high-tech robot disguised as a Roomba, and a wicked crush on the guy from YouTube. Seriously, how can he lose?

27~And Time Again

11k

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/21033113

When Bucky starts acting strange — well, stranger than usual — Tony notices right away. Their friendship might still be new, but he likes to think that he's gotten to know Bucky pretty well by then. The problem is that Bucky doesn't want to tell Tony what's wrong, even when he asks. He dodges Tony's questions, saying everything is fine.

But the way Bucky keeps looking at Tony — as if he expects him to disappear the moment he turns his back — says otherwise.

And Tony is determined to get to the bottom of what's really going on.

28~Spring is Coming

12k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17709014/chapters/41776952

When Tony returns to Earth, he finds out that Bucky Barnes died in the Decimation.

The Winter Soldier, however, did not.

29~Weekly love

12k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095257/chapters/24754530

Steve flicks him off and Bucky shuts his mouth. “Anyway, so what about Monday?”

Sam leans his hip on the table. “It’s about Stark.”

Bucky almost snorts at that. At MIT almost everything comes back to Tony Stark one way or the other.

Sam stares at him and Bucky clears his throat only then Sam continues.

“Every Monday Stark agrees to go out with the first person who asks him out.” Then he adds, “for a week.”

Bucky makes a face at that, mumbling ‘damn playboy’ under his nose.

Steve shakes his head at his antics. “Unless they have no chance to ask him out then they have to wait another week to try.”

“Mondays are exclusive, any other day and Stark will turn them down harshly.”

“Yep.” Steve nods then stretches, his eyes become a bit distant. “And at the end of the week, he will break up with that person saying: I couldn’t fall in love with you. Let’s break up.”

30~Misremembered

14k

https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/11046240

When Loki smirked at Rogers in the middle of a battle and told him he would give Rogers what he wanted most in the world, the mind of his old friend back, Tony had a very bad feeling.

31~Scars

26k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4799096/chapters/10983695

When Tony tried to urge the homeless guy sleeping on the steps of the Tower’s loading dock to move, he never expected that he'd found Hydra’s pet assassin—James "Bucky" Barnes.

Now, after months of keeping his presence a secret from the Avengers and helping Barnes learn to cope with both his returning memories and the modern world, Hydra is back for their favorite toy and Tony must call in old friends to save the life of the man he just might have come to care for a little too much.

32~Hate Me

45k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054348/chapters/40099106

There were moments where Bucky wondered what could have made Iron Man, possibly his best friend here in the future, sarcastic and gentle and funny and caring, hate Tony Stark so much. Moments where he wondered what Tony Stark, who could manage to be kind and generous to the assassin who had murdered his parents, could have done to Iron Man. But he never dared to ask, afraid of the answer.

33~Fractures (Filled With Liquid Gold)

63k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10913913/chapters/24268908

Ultron happened. The Avengers left.

Tony is fine with being alone again. He always worked better as a Lone Wolf than a team player anyway. He's not sleeping or eating or resting or... living, but it's fine. It's good. It's okay.

And then there's James.

34~Far from Heaven*

67k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13808031/chapters/31748817

Bucky Barnes falls asleep with the man he loves in his arms. In their bed, in their home, safe and sound.

He wakes up in the cold room of the cryostasis chamber in Wakanda to the worried faces of his former best friend and King T'Challa.

Everything that happened in the past six months— his pardon, his recovery, Tony's forgiveness, falling in love— he's told it was nothing more than a fevered dream, conjured up by a broken mind in cryostasis sleep.

The second chance at life he worked so hard to embrace. A newfound family and a place to call home. Tony, the love of his life and his whole world. All gone in a blink.

Bucky Barnes breaks.

35~Dig No Graves

142k WIP

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633517/chapters/26163312

"I'm here to kill you, Terminator," Tony said slowly, "does that compute?"

The soldier looked up at him with wide blue eyes and no expression. "Okay."

Tony froze. "Okay," he echoed. "I tell you I came here to kill you and your response is 'okay'?"

"I am being decommissioned," the soldier said, and for one horrible moment, Tony thought he actually seemed relieved. "I understand. I will comply."

(Or; Tony learns the Winter Soldier killed his parents and goes on a search for revenge, but ends up learning how to heal instead)

36~Such Sweet Revenge*

167k

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15146219/chapters/35123417

When the Rogues are back in the States after being pardoned, the New Avengers want nothing to do with them and as far as Tony is concerned, if he never speaks to them again, it'll be too soon. After all, he didn't spend the last year putting himself (and his family) back together only for his former co-workers to ruin all of his hard work.

But then he gets a hand-written letter from the Winter Soldier himself, apologizing for the events that transpired and an off-handed comment from Rhodey about Rogers failing to take care of an obviously miserable Bucky Barnes sets in motion Tony's new, oh-so-evil plan to get some payback.

After all, what better revenge than to steal the Winter Soldier away from his best friend?

The only problem: Tony sucks at being vengeful, but apparently he's an expert at inadvertently falling in love.

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nootvanlis · 5 years

Text

Fuck Carmilla Con and Fuck SLC1698 and Goodbye

Yes this is another blog/fandom goodbye because my mental health is degrading and not getting any better. I don’t know when/if I’ll come back. And a lot of that has to do with Carmilla Con and SLC1698 which, fuck them. If you care to know why, feel free to read. And if you want to talk shit about me or send shit, don’t do it on my blog because I gave it away and frankly, I’m gone and don’t care enough to see it.

Carmilla Con

The con started with me and my friend. My friend and I started the con by gauging interest from my Tumblr and Twitter following and tried to hype it up. And when we did get some attention, suddenly we were approached by another group and said they were working on one already, but honestly they had nothing done.

A member of that group DM’d my friend saying they were already going to make it. We were hesitant about working together but I convinced my friend we should work together because the more the merrier. There was 8 of them and 2 of us… you can guess that we were outnumbered.

All the things my friend and I worked on suddenly got taken over by that group. All the things we planned were scrapped. There was no sense of compromising. It’s what ever they wanted. They changed it without consulting anyone. And when there were decisions to be made, we were outnumbered because the group always sided with the one person who decided to be the leader. The longer I stayed the longer I felt like shit and useless. No matter what I did or decided, it’s ignored or denied. I didn’t even feel part of the team.

As it progressed, I started getting into disagreements with the other members. 2 of them only cared about Wynonna Earp and admitted they rather attend a WE con than a Carmilla con which is why we had to cater to them so they can attend them. They wanted us to work around their schedule. I was deeply upset I was working with these type of people. Who had other priorities. Who didn’t even LOVE Carmilla as much as I did. At this point, I’ve been crying everyday with how difficult it was to work with them but struggling with not leaving because I didn’t want the con in the hands of these people.

The last straw came when the “leader” decided to take over the job I’ve been working on. The only one I felt confident in.

My friend was a professional logo designer. I asked her to help design a logo for the convention. I was willing to pay but she said she’ll do it for free. She worked tirelessly on it for a month, despite being super busy and came out with a super great design. I showed the group and they brushed it off. I thought maybe I’ll ask again down the road. 3 months later, I again say the logo is done but the “leader” said no, it’s not as good as hers. At this point, she had taken over every single task and had not let us touch anything in regards to this con. She wouldn’t budge because it was her own design. They never took me seriously at all to begin with and they were in majority so I never would’ve got any input in anyways.

I asked our group chat and not surprisingly at all, they decided against a professionally done logo in favour of their friend’s. Not only that, but they started mocking me. That night led me to my first big anxiety attack in years and I went to therapy the next day. I left shortly after because I couldn’t handle it anymore. My friend who started with me stayed. I don’t talk to them anymore because this whole situation still triggers me. It’s unfortunate because there were still people in that group I wish I had gotten to get to know better because they were nice to me. It doesn’t help that I’ve met them all before at the Carmilla movie screening and they made me feel left out. Even worse, they sent an email months later and the “leader” insisted they apologized and was trying to gaslight me but I know I never got one.

I felt so guilty because my friend did it for free and it took her so long. She stopped talking to me and unfollowed me. This is the worst guilt I’ve ever felt that even to this day, I talk about it with my psychiatrist. I’ve apologized countless times but I’ve never had that resolved and still feel like shit about it.

I wanted the con to be about the community that loved Carmilla, that shaped who I am today, that I considered home for 5 years. I wanted everyone to be treated equal and it be affordable. I wanted everyone to have fun and have a safe space to be themselves. It turns out, I wasn’t even going to be part of it.

Now I heard very shady things about the con behind the scenes and how some guests were mistreated but that ain’t my business. After what I heard, I hope the guests who had issues received what they deserve and karma will get to these organizers. Seeing and hearing more of the con and how everything is completely changed is just upsetting.

If you support the con, fine. I’m not angry at you, just disappointed. It’s all I wanted for the fandom, the cast, and the crew. You and everyone deserve it. But I’m not going to support it. As a matter of fact, it still triggers me hard. And being on social media, at cons, staying in this fandom is triggering to me everyday. I have over 1000 people muted and still can’t get away from it. So if you’ve read this far, don’t EVER talk about this convention with me. I spent 6 months in therapy JUST to handle Clexacon and I still had an anxiety attack every day and even in front of Natasha who was kind enough to help me calm down. It hurts to know the people I look up to, my own friends, the people I dedicated 4 years to are supporting the people that bullied me. And that I wasted so much time planning something I wasn’t even “allowed” to participate in. Months later and I’m still getting panic attacks over this and at one point, was nearly hospitalized. I don’t think any of them took the severity of what they put me through seriously and I still don’t think they ever will because they got what they want and won’t receive and backlash or repercussion.

But the biggest thing that hurts the most is Natasha and Elise promoting this. I love them so much but they both hurt me the most which is the biggest factor of me leaving.

I don’t want to be a party pooper and don’t want to be selfish so I figured I’d just leave because 1 miserable person leaving won’t make difference. I don’t think anyone really cares about me that much.

SLC1698

Now if you’re wondering why I fucking hate SLC1698, it’s because they betrayed me and stole the idea. While I left the fandom to recover from all con mess, they decided to make a whole new discord server and took everyone of my members away. I worked hard to promote the fuck out of my discord server and have a place where Carmilla fans can meet new people and chat. But no, they took my hard work to get “their” server started out.

That wasn’t even originally their idea. The idea originated on MY fanfiction channel on my discord server. The book club idea was started by at least 6 or 7 people. Some of the people had been on your server for years. Everyone was tight knit and it was almost like our own little family. But then someone decided to claim the idea as their own and built a new server in secret without any input from anyone else. One of the members consulted with there 2 close friends and not the other people who helped make what it was and take over it.

Even though they say it wasn't supposed to replace my server, they never really acknowledged the revival of my server when I came back. Which funnily enough, is similar to the con situation. They completely took over and made something that was supposed to be fun into work. And that server is completely devoid of fun because of all the demanding rules. Fanfic is supposed to be fun. Not a job.

Since all the members joined that new server, everyone left mine and left it dead. All my friends were gone. I’ve never felt so fucking alone in this community. They stole my friends and my community while I was already dealing with the feeling of uselessness from the convention. I felt like no one even gave a fuck about me and I still feel like that.

To people in either the groups, don’t interact with me. Fuck off. And fuck off with your fake kindness and promoting my stuff. Stay away from my friends and leave us the fuck alone. I want nothing to do with you or any of you.

Everyone’s so eager to say “community” but it stopped feeling that way for me a long time ago. This fandom is so tiny I can’t fucking escape the situation and the people who hurt me. My mental health degraded so much in the last 2 years. Sucks when the thing you love causes so much pain. It stopped feeling safe after all the betrayal which lead to anxiety and panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I had to be honest with myself and see that this isn’t safe for me anymore even if I love it.

My biggest mistake was making it my obligation to provide stuff and then letting people take advantage of me. People keep asking for content and videos and I don’t have any so I feel like I let everyone down. I even risk getting kicked out of LFF and security following me around just trying to get a video of the panel. I feel like it’s a job, an obligation and it’s no longer fun. I do it out of the kindness of my own heart AND for free, providing for a community that’s helped me out a lot but now I feel like I’m being used. I feel so exhausted. I get anxiety when I don’t “provide” enough content because I don’t want to let people down. I want to be able to give more but I want to feel happy doing it but I feel so miserable. I don’t even know what I deserve anymore.

I feel like sometimes I’m the glue that sticks things together and when I’m going through something, everything somehow starts falling apart and right now, it’s happening to my group of friends. All my friends are leaving the fandom, too so I’m starting to feel lonely. I want to go out and and meet new people here in Toronto.

Thank you to my friends who have been super patient with me and put up with my mood swings this year.

I want to get better. I want to move past this. I want to support Natasha and Elise for as long as I can. Which is why I need to leave. It’s gonna be extremely boring and nothing can fill the void that Carmilla left me but I’ll live lmao. Thanks for everything and everyone who has made this last 5 years enjoyable. Until next time, I hope to talk to you all again.

I wish I could go back and do this all over again. I wish I can be 20 again and rediscover it

If you want to stay in touch, I’m on my personal twitter/instagram; girlvillains. If you still want to meet up next month, DM me there. DO NOT ask me about any of this and trigger me or I’ll block you. Respect my boundaries about this situation if you talk to me.

If you read all this, thank you. Thanks for letting me be this dramatic for years lmao.

#carmilla

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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 6 years

Text

Ephemera Chapter Sixteen

Ephemera: In art, transitory written and printed matter (receipts, notes, tickets, clippings, etc.) not originally intended to be kept or preserved.

Alternatively, things that exist or are used for only a short time.

Description: Nobody knows who Vante really is. Everything about the popular artist is shrouded in secrecy: from his face to his name to everything in between. After years of working for his art gallery, Y/N feels she may just be the closest thing he has to a friend. Between her success at work and her relationship with campus hot-shot Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s life has never been better. But is Jungkook truly who he says he is? And who will Y/N protect now that she knows Vante’s livelihood may be on the line?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x (f) Reader x Taehyung

Word Count: 5.5k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Gang!Au, Art History Student!Reader, Film Student!Jungkook, Art Student!Taehyung

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: Woo hello! I’ve had a wild few days, but here we are! I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. As always, I’m so so grateful for your support and feedback. It means more to me than I’ll ever be able to say. I’ll try to get this chapter up on time, but it might come a few hours early/late because of the way the queue system works on Tumblr. Anyway, please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them! Links will be added later, so for now check my masterlist to find previous chapters!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all! And concert videos!!

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

My common sense returned quickly and I leapt away from Jungkook, hands touching my mouth. His eyes were wide, lips still pursed like we were kissing, and there was a look in his face like he’d been slapped: shock and betrayal. I watched, nervous, as he opened his mouth to say something, probably something too loud. Before his mind could run circles, I shook my head and approached quickly once more, clamping a hand over his mouth.

“We’re in your headquarters right now,” I whispered tersely.

I glanced around the back corner, suspicious, and thought perhaps I caught sight of movement out the corner of my eye beside the dividers. My whole body tensed and I clenched my jaw.

“If we’re gonna talk more, we’ve gotta get out of here,” I said through my teeth, glancing around.

Jungkook stiffened beneath my fingertips and nodded once. “Let’s go to my apartment,” he mumbled against my palm.

My eyes flashed back toward him, brows furrowed. “And risk running into Seokjin?”

He blinked at me. “Then…yours?”

I swallowed hard, thinking. Was this wise? Was it a good idea to indulge this relationship that would, undoubtedly, end poorly a second time? I wasn’t certain. But I knew from the shy warmth in his cheeks and the way his eyes were already smiling that I didn’t have much of a choice.

I kicked off my shoes and fell against the sofa with a thud, sighing as my legs draped over the arm of the couch. Jungkook chuckled and joined me, sitting properly beside my head. He smoothed his hand against my forehead, guiding my hair out of my face. I wanted to hate it, to hate him, but I simply eased into the feeling and shut my eyes, humming a little.

“So let’s talk,” he said gently, voice soft but strong. Just like him.

I nodded. “What are we gonna talk about?”

He sounded like he was smiling when he replied. “How’s your dad?”

I sighed. “Good. That good-for-nothing punk he hired for harvesting is still slacking.”

He chuckled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. “You two really are similar.”

“You said that last time,” I mumbled, opening one eye to look up at him.

He smiled and nodded, staring at me from above with a tenderness that nearly knocked the breath out of me. “What I mean is…you two are both really soft on other people.”

“Oh,” I said, sitting upright and pulling my legs to my chest, putting distance between the two of us. I smirked. “Then was I too soft on forgiving you?”

He rolled his eyes and pulled me to his side with a laugh. “Don’t bully me.”

“I’ve earned it.”

He sighed. “Anyway…you’re a bit different these days.”

I was quiet for a moment before nodding. “Yeah.”

“I’m proud of you.”

I stiffened, glancing at him out the corner of my eye. He was smiling gently, looking at the opposite wall like there was something interesting there and not a blank TV screen. He smoothed absent circles into my shoulder as his arm draped across it. The picture of ease, it was almost like the words had escaped without a plan.

I swallowed hard and felt the need to look away, my cheeks flaring. I cleared my throat. “Ah, well…,” I began, smiling at my hands as they sat on my lap. “Thank you.”

“When I was a kid, I won a taekwondo competition for the first time,” said Jungkook with a smile and a nod. “And my dad said, ‘Good. Now do it again so they don’t think it was a fluke.’” He hummed. “Now that you’re here, you gotta keep doing well for yourself to prove that it’s not just a fluke.”

I raised my brows. “Your…your dad,” I hedged, eyeing him from below. He looked peaceful, still unbothered. I exhaled slowly. “You mentioned your dad was a deadbeat…”

He nodded. “Mhm,” he said with a comfortable sigh. “Had a shitty DVD rental shop that went under.”

I watched the patch of sunlight from the window shift with the geometric shadows of a tree branch in the breeze. “Did he open it himself?”

“Yeah, asshole had no business opening a shop,” he said with a sigh. “He’s a drunk, you know? So he’d always go into the store hammered and drive customers away. When I was young, I used to help out around the shop, but every day I watched him sit behind the counter like a prop or something. He rarely spoke to the customers, rarely stocked the shelves. Just…an all-around shitty owner.”

I nodded and leaned my head against his shoulder. “You picked up the slack?”

He hummed. “Yep,” he said, then I felt him shrug. “Wasn’t so bad. You learn a lot when you’re working young. How to be responsible even when adults aren’t,” he chuckled. “Mom used to scold me for going there after school instead of coming home and doing my schoolwork. But I told her I wanted to be a taekwondo champ so I didn’t need an education anyway. Said I might as well help Dad.”

“Was it stressful?”

“No,” he said with a sigh. “Scary sometimes, since Dad gets loud when he’s drunk. No, like…aggressive. Just loud and stupid.”

I nodded. “You took on a lot as a kid.”

“Wasn’t ever a problem until it started interfering with my taekwondo,” he said. He ran his fingers up and down my arm. Like a comforting gesture. Like I was the one who needed comforting. “I had to start skipping practice to work since Dad wasn’t pulling his weight and eventually I had to quit. Mom was pissed, but she thought I might focus more on my grades.”

“Wait, you had to quit just like that?” I asked, stunned. I sat up and looked at him head-on, eyes wide.

He laughed and raised a hand to pat my head, smoothing my hair down. “Just like that.”

I furrowed my brow. “That’s not fair at all.”

“Life’s like that sometimes. Only the lucky ones expect it to be fair,” he said, then shrugged and guided me back to his side. “It’s pretty lucky though, because since I was spending so much time at the DVD shop I got to watch a lot of movies. Got really interested in film.”

“So that’s how you found your passion,” I said with a nod.

He smiled. “Cute,” he said, chuckling as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “I guess you could put it that way.” He exhaled, long and slow, and rested his cheek against my head. “Seeing all those directors, watching the art they made from the ugly, everyday parts of life…it was definitely inspiring in a weird way. Made me feel like even if I was miserable, at least it would make for good film.”

The more I heard, the more similar Jungkook and Taehyung seemed to me…

I laughed. “That’s dark, Jungkook,” I said, sighing. “Edvard Munch said that art comes from both joy and pain,” I began, eyeing him with a smile, “but mostly pain.”

He chuckled and nodded. “Edvard guy’s right,” he said. “I guess…when the shop went bankrupt it was most devastating for me. Probably because of all the films we’d have to destroy. The life we’d have to destroy. Maybe it’s because I was a teenager, but it kinda felt like everything I loved was running away from me and there was nothing I could do to hold onto it.”

I nodded. “Is that when you started selling drugs?” I asked, and immediately regretted it.

He stiffened, eyes wide. “Who told you about that?”

I shook my head. “Seokjin mentioned it while I was…uh…kidnapped,” I said, voice trailing off.

Jungkook sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, and nodded. “I mean…it’s better for you to know anyway I guess.” He leaned back into the couch with a pout. “Anyway, yeah. My mom didn’t have a college degree so she could only find shitty work. Waitressing and stuff. And Haneul was just getting into middle school, so we needed the money. He was doing really well in his classes and his teachers thought that if he started taking it seriously, he could get into one of the SKY universities. So…my mom and I started pulling the family up by the bootstraps I guess.”

“Your mom knew you were dealing?” I asked, leaning away to get a better look at him.

There was an old shame in the set of his eyes, the clenching of his jaw. He nodded. “She figured since I was already behind, it didn’t matter what I did as long as it helped the family. We kinda staked all our hopes on Haneul,” he said, shrugging. He wouldn’t look directly at me. “I wasn’t pulling in good money, Dad stopped working altogether and started drinking more, Haneul was trying his best but he was stressed, and my grades were…depressing.”

“But…you got into college…?” I urged, scanning his face.

He chuckled, knotting his hands. “Ah, yeah. Barely. By the time I was applying, Seokjin had found me on the streets and he pulled a few strings. My test scores were just good enough for them to overlook my grades, and with Jin’s help I got in.”

“Jin helped you into college?” I asked, something odd tugging at my heart.

He nodded. “Jin believed in me. Thought it was wrong for me to be selling at my age. I mean, I was eighteen and all so don’t worry, but…,” he sighed. “Anyway, he wanted me to make a better life for myself and he offered me work.”

“So the money you make with Bangtan…,” I began, watching him carefully.

His eyes fell to the floor, face flush. “Uh, yeah. It’s…it’s all going back home.”

“Is Jin letting you live with him for free then?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah…”

“And if I succeed and Jin loses everything…”

He turned to me abruptly, eyes wide, and shook his head, grabbing my hands. “No, no! Don’t think about that. I’m already looking into jobs and I’ve got some interviews coming up in a week or so. It’ll be fine.”

I swallowed hard, heart racing, and nodded. But if Jungkook’s reasons for joining the group were so heartbreaking, I didn’t even want to imagine what the others’ were…

Quietly, I reached my hand out and pressed my palm against his jawline, pulling him toward me. I pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and pulled away, throat tight, with a smile. “You’ve done well, Jungkook.”

His eyes went a little misty, welling up as his lower lids went red. He scanned me for a moment that felt endless, glassy eyes flashing between mine, before he slowly pulled me against his chest and held me tight in an embrace that felt desperate. I slipped my arms around his back and squeezed.

I rocked backwards and forwards on my heels as I stood beside the gallery doors. It seemed that the chaos that Taehyung’s reveal had caused was slowly dying, as traffic to the gallery had slowed significantly. The space itself, however, held remnants of the stampedes. The lightwood floors still bore the scuffs of numerous feet and several frames were nicked and chipped from being bumped.

The relative calm and quiet was welcome to all of us, as Yuri and I worked opposite one another. She sat at the desk, half-asleep as she stared blankly at the computer screen. A few patrons walked past me and I offered them a smile and a bow, waiting until their footsteps had receded to raise myself up once more, making absolutely sure that my hair was settled properly in its bun.

“Y/N, good morning,” said a voice from beside me.

I nearly, jumped, but collected myself and turned to see who had greeted me. Standing slightly shorter than me, Mr. Kwon held his hands latched behind his back, a smile on his face. Seeing him in such a good mood was curious and unusual, but rather than risk incurring his frustration I kept my observation to myself and opted for a simple smile and a bow of my head.

“You seem well today,” he remarked, nodding once.

I smiled. “Yes, Sir.”

“The recent influx in customers has been…disarming for you employees, hasn’t it?” he asked, eyeing me.

I raised my brows. “Ah, well…I certainly can’t speak for everyone, but I would say it’s been a sizable challenge.”

He nodded. “I thought so,” he said with a sigh. “I only ask since you seem rather in touch with your coworkers.”

I stiffened, clasping my hands in front of my thighs. “I do?” I asked.

He smiled slightly, a rare sight, and nodded. “After our discussion of dress code, I started wondering if I was just out of touch with you all,” he said, huffing a little as he adjusted his suit jacket. “Everyone’s performance improved once dress code slackened. I realized that you seemed to understand your coworkers well.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can accept that compliment, Sir.”

He smiled again and nodded. “You have a good sense when you speak up,” he said, exhaling long and slow. Surely, he’d just gotten some good news. This was entirely too out of character to be organic. “I told you once that people only have the power you give them. I think you’re doing well protecting your power.”

I stiffened, swallowing hard. How many of these affirmations could I get? Everyone was saying I’d changed. And if someone as dense as Mr. Kwon could notice, it must have been pretty obvious. Why, then, did something in me feel slightly dissonant? Like it wasn’t lining up just right.

I supposed, when I really thought about it, could I take credit for any of the changes I’d made?

After all, if it weren’t for Taehyung and Jungkook…would I have even bothered to change at all…?

“I’ll be having a meeting with those Japanese philanthropists from a while back,” he said, then smiled again. Unnerving. “The ones you sold to before.”

I nodded. “I remember,” I said with a small, contained grin.

“We’re having some big talks with them moving forward, so please be on your best behavior if they send anyone to the gallery,” said Mr. Kwon with a bow.

I knew I shouldn’t, but my curiosity got the best of me and I grabbed for his cuff. He turned to me with wide eyes. “Uh…what sort of talks are happening?” I asked.

He smiled and put a finger to his lips, a playful bid for silence, and I felt even more unsettled. “Confidential. But when things are set, I promise you will be the first employee to know.”

I raised my brows. “Me?”

He nodded. “I’ll tell you more as we know more,” he began, swiveling on his heel before snapping his fingers and turning back to me. “Ah! Would you grab the new print from the back and place it in the photography section?”

I stiffened. Taehyung started working again? Slowly, I smiled and nodded. “Certainly, Sir.”

“Keep up the good work, ladies!” he called over his shoulder before walking back down the hallway.

Yuri and I exchanged puzzled looks before I shrugged my shoulders and followed suit, wandering down the hall until I reached the back room. A flood of memories rushed over me as I stepped inside the dark, dusty storage space. It felt like a lifetime had passed since I was following Jungkook back here, discovering Taehyung’s workroom, nearly getting caught…

I sighed and picked up my step, grabbing the covered print and removing the white sheet. I folded it and set it atop a shelf, turning back to the piece. And as I did, my confusion and unease only grew.

There in black and white was the familiar scene of Taehyung’s living room, blown up massive. The shot framed the side of his couch from the angle of the floor, leading the eye right toward the window and the monochrome morning light streaming in in shafts and spots. And, dangling off the edge of the couch, was a hand that didn’t look like Taehyung’s. I took a peek at my own fingers and, slowly, pressed them against the photo, matching them with the one in black and white.

A perfect match…

Pulling my jacket up around my shoulders, I walked slowly out onto the sidewalk, bracing the chill with a shiver. I ambled out along the concrete for a moment, my mind absent in my body. Why had Taehyung taken that photo of me? And furthermore, why had he decided to display it for sale in the gallery? Beyond confused, I was…unsettled. Had our relationship ever been that intimate? Had I been sending him signals that I didn’t mean to send?

Or…did I mean to send them?

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I jumped to answer it. “Hello?” I asked, plugging my free ear to block out the city noise.

“Y/N?”

I sighed, leaning against the front of the building, and gripped the bridge of my nose. Of course he had to call right now. “Namjoon…”

He chuckled, like something was funny, before replying. “The one and only,” he said, then hummed. “Although you don’t sound thrilled to hear from me.”

I shook my head. “Sorry. Kind of…a weird day. Lot on my mind.”

“Understood,” he said, clearing his throat. “Not that this topic isn’t fascinating, but I actually called for an update on your work.”

“Work…,” I breathed before it made sense. “Ah, yeah. Well, not much to update yet.”

He was quiet, pensive, for a beat too long. A beat that made me tap my foot on the floor, restless. “Well that’s…unfortunate.”

“Sorry.”

“Have you been trying to infiltrate?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m in and everything. Just…can’t get that information you need. They keep their documents locked up in a basement that I don’t have access to, especially with all the eyes on me there. There’s no way in from the sides and no way to sneak in during the day.”

“Well you’re gonna have to get access.”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “I’ve already got a plan, Namjoon.”

“Unless it involves you dropping from the ceiling in the middle of the night and dangling from a wire, I don’t really know if it’ll work. You said this basement is strictly monitored,” he quipped with a sigh.

I nodded, exhausted, and scratched my arm. “A recording,” I said.

“And you think this leader is just gonna spill everything to you?” he asked.

I shrugged, picking at my nail. “I can steer the conversation.”

“You can steer it toward revealing trade secrets?”

I chuckled. “You underestimate how stupid he is.”

He sighed. “I hope so…,” he said, quiet once again. “Well…I guess I’ve just gotta leave it to you then.”

“I guess so.”

“Well…I won’t keep you then. Get to work.”

I scoffed. I’d just gotten off work and already-

I managed a tight-lipped smile and nodded once more, though he couldn’t see. “Sure thing,” I said before hanging up and shoving my phone roughly into my bag.

He didn’t strike me as a bad man. Perhaps a little eccentric and enigmatic, but not mean-spirited. But the guilt was starting to get to me. If exposing Seokjin meant ruining the lives of the people working under him…

Could I justify my petty revenge plot?

I rubbed my chin and stewed over it, so engrossed in my thoughts that I almost didn’t notice Nara standing beside a pillar, coat pulled up around her neck, chin buried in her shirt, eyes down and sniffling. But when I did see her, I nearly jumped out of my skin and without a second’s pause, I rushed to her side and grabbed her by the upper arms.

“Nara!” I said, gasping as she looked at me properly. Her silver hair was disheveled and her skin was red, eyes puffy and cheeks wet from still-falling tears. No makeup, just the natural blush of crying. “Oh my God,” I said, and she fell into my arms like she was falling into a warm bed.

She hugged me tightly, holding tightly to my back. So tight that it almost hurt. I wrapped my arms snug around her shoulders and ran my hand along the back of her head, cooing her softly.

“Hey, hey,” I said gently against her hair. She sniffled, crying quietly like she always did. “What’s going on, hm?”

She shook her head against my chest, dampening my shirt. “I…,” she began, then shook her head once more and clutched my back tighter.

I smoothed her hair, shushing her, and nodded. “It’s alright. It’s okay,” I said, guiding her toward the nearby bus stop.

Thankfully at this time of afternoon, it wasn’t too busy. I sat her down on the bench and took the spot beside her, creating a barrier between her and the rest of the world. Still crying, she hugged her legs to her chest and leaned against the side of the bus stop awning. I took her hand in mine and urged her to look at me.

Bloodshot, her eyes were practically shaking as they danced around my face. “Can you tell me what happened?” I asked.

She rubbed her nose and nodded, eyes on the crack in the concrete like it might swallow her up and she might let it. “I lost my job,” she said, voice weak, quivering.

My heart lurched. “Y-you what?”

She nodded, sniffling. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

She sighed and rubbed her arms. “You know that one customer who comes in a lot? The one who saved the stray?” she asked.

I stiffened. Min Yoongi. Swallowing hard, I glanced at her and saw nothing but broken pieces, barely adhered together, of the girl I knew. Cautiously, I nodded my head. “Yeah…”

“Well, he came in looking for a proper food bowl since he’s been feeding that cat out of tupperware or something,” she said, shaking her head. “And he looked, like…like he couldn’t afford it, you know? Like ten bucks on a bowl wasn’t in the monthly budget.”

“Nara…,” I began, groaning.

She sobbed. “I know!” she said, crying into the tops of her knees. “It’s so stupid!”

“Did you just give it to him for free?” I asked.

She nodded. “We break those shitty things all the time at work. Like, bumping the shelf and one breaks. Or sweeping and the broom knocks one down. They’re breakable and cheap,” she said, shaking her head. “So I figured that if I just said I broke it, it’d be fine.”

“Nara,” I said again, brows knit as I rubbed her back.

“I know,” she said. “My boss has been really crazy about the records lately since something keeps happening to the schedule. And on top of it since the shop’s not doing well, he needs to check the video if anything breaks and he saw me giving it to him.”

“Wait, something’s happening with your schedules?” I asked, the wheels in my brain beginning to turn in an unsettling direction.

She nodded, wiping her eyes. “He accused me of doing it since it’s usually my schedule that ends up getting changed. That’s why I haven’t had closing shifts these days,” she said, woeful. “I’d be thankful for a closing shift now…”

I sighed. “Why did you do that, Nara? That guy doesn’t-,” I began, then stopped and shook my head. “He probably doesn’t even need the charity.”

She rubbed her neck and shrugged. “I dunno…,” she mumbled.

I gaped. “Nara,” I said, shaking her arm so she’d look at me with those red, worried eyes. “You didn’t do it just because you have a crush on him, did you?”

“No!” she answered, too quick. I raised my brows and she cried again, crashing into my chest. “Maybe a little bit!”

I rubbed her back despite my frustration and sighed. “Let’s get you home. I’ll find a way to fix this.”

“What?” she asked, pulling back and revealing her tear-stained, red-cheeked face. “What can you do?”

I shook my head. “I’ll explain it some other time. For now just…cry it out,” I said, guiding her back into my side. Even though my motions were gentle, rage was seething in my stomach. And I knew just how to address it.

“Min Yoongi, what the fuck did you do?”

Yoongi jumped as I approached his work desk at the HQ, eyes wide. He pulled his big headphones off his ears and lowered his laptop screen. He was dressed sharper then usual, crisp white dress shirt tucked into nice black slacks. His hair was styled out of his face, and his shoes looked polished. What had he dressed up for anyway? I scoffed. Poor, my ass.

He blinked up at me. “I-what? What do you mean?”

I crossed my arms, furious, and sighed. “Nara lost her job because of you.”

Yoongi stiffened. “What?” he asked, and in his eyes I caught a flicker of genuine shock and guilt.

“She gave you that dog bowl,” I said, then scoffed and shook my head. “But no. That’s not enough for her boss to fire her on the spot.”

Yoongi swallowed hard. “She…”

“Her boss thinks she’s been messing with the schedule to shift it in her favor,” I said, turning my eyes down toward him. He stared off into the middle distance, like his mind was someplace else. “Now, who do we know who can hack into a pet shop’s online schedule and change it, hm?”

Yoongi shook his head and stood up, staggering toward me with one hand extended, palm up like he was asking for something. “Give me her number. I’ll fix it.”

“You’ve done enough,” I said, shaking my head. His eyes flashed toward mine. My stomach clenched. Guilt. I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “Listen, I know you had good intentions.”

He nodded. “I-I just wanted to help her…,” he said, eyes getting faraway once again.

“I know. But…this is Nara’s livelihood on the line, you know? You can’t just stick your hands in someone else’s life like that and expect no consequences,” I said, sighing. “It’s just shitty that the only one having to take responsibility for this is her.”

Yoongi glanced at me like I’d hit a nerve and I almost wished to take it back, but I stood firm. Keeping my eyes on him without wavering. Not even once. “I…Y/N, I’ll take responsibility. I’ll take responsibility.” He repeated it like a mantra, like he wasn’t talking to me anymore. Not really.

I nodded. “I want to believe that, but…I don’t know if I can trust you to do that,” I said, sighing. I gave his shoulder a pat. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Seokjin breezing in through the front doors, and once he noticed me he made a beeline. “You can’t run away though, Yoongi. You’ve gotta face it, okay? No hiding behind a computer screen,” I said, angling my body so Seokjin wouldn’t see my hand sliding into my bag and grabbing my phone as he approached. I quickly pulled up the recorder app and began recording, turning back to Yoongi whose eyes were wide on me. I held a finger to my lips and nodded. “Consider this part of you taking responsibility,” I whispered before shoving my phone back in my pocket and turning to face Seokjin.

He smirked when he saw me. “Huh, would you look at that. And here I thought you were never gonna fulfill your part of the deal,” he said with a chuckle.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. “Kim Seokjin,” I said, making sure I enunciated every syllable. Even if I felt guilty doing it. “I’ve got a bit of info if you want it.”

He raised his brows. “You don’t say? Well, let’s head down to my office,” he said with a broad smile, sweeping his arm toward the stairs.

I nodded and followed him. We walked in silence until we were in the safe confines of the basement and I settled in the chair in front of his desk. I crossed my legs and watched him carefully, like a deer watching a cougar. Cautious, alert, ready to flee at any moment.

But as he settled into his seat with a contented sigh, I remembered who I was dealing with. “Tell me your news!” he said, clapping his hands once.

I cleared my throat. “I’ve been having meetings with his parents. Turns out his dad owns a law firm and his sister is in the US studying law.”

Seokjin cocked a brow. “Huh,” he said, nodding. “That’s pretty good. Two possible angles.”

I nearly scoffed. What could he possibly do with such vague information? I offered a smile and nodded. “He comes from a pretty wealthy family, so I don’t think taking a financial approach will work,” I said with a nod. “He’s got more than enough money.”

“Right,” said Seokjin, rubbing his jaw. “I’ll think of something.” He paused and glanced back at me, raising his brows. “Is there more?”

I shook my head. “That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll keep digging though,” I said with a nod.

Seokjin sighed. “Well, nonetheless thanks for the help. He’s a tough guy to crack. Even Yoongi’s having trouble pulling up personal information on him. It’s good that we have you around.”

I stiffened. “Are you…complimenting me right now?” I asked, nearly laughing.

He rolled his eyes. “No,” he said, then cleared his throat. “I’m just saying that I appreciate you doing this. Whatever your motivation is…you’re helping us a lot.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, eyes falling to the desk between us. “I know we don’t have this kind of relationship, but I’m curious,” I began, eyeing him to make sure I wasn’t pushing too hard. “Why is this job so important to you?”

Seokjin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his index finger and his thumb. “The stakes,” he said with a nod. “They’re…really high. Our client isn’t someone to mess around with.”

“And if you don’t fulfill your end of the bargain?”

He looked up at me seriously, brows furrowed. “The consequences…will be severe,” he said. It was the most serious I’d ever seen him. And in his eyes was a small measure of fear.

I swallowed white hot guilt down my throat and nodded. “I…I see…”

“It’s why Jungkook wanted you to stop involving yourself,” he said with a nod. “It’s remarkably dangerous.”

I nodded. “Yoongi said something similar,” I said.

Seokjin laced his fingers and rested his hands against his lips, eyes focused on something on his desk. “Yeah,” he said. “You’re…not really the sort of person who should be involved in all this. You know, corporations are competitive. They’ve gotta be. Markets shift constantly, so you’ve gotta keep an edge.”

“You seem to know a lot about this,” I remarked.

He smirked. “Grew up around it. Silver spoon kid,” he said, sighing. “Growing up in a household like that, I saw how ruthless big companies can get. I realized that corporations are just legal criminals. Figured I could at least get a cut off the corruption.”

My eyes went wide. “All corporations are like that?” I asked.

He shook his head and sighed. “Not Ori,” he said with a nod. “It’s a shame we’ve gotta ruin them, since they’re one of the only good ones to get big.”

“Do…do you have to?” I asked.

He ran fingers through his hair and leaned back in his chair. “Like I said, our client is no joke. If we don’t keep up our end, we could lose a lot more than just money,” he said.

“So you’re being coerced?”

“No,” said Seokjin with a chuckle. “You think really diametrically. Things are rarely that absolute.”

I sighed. “But you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared of anything.”

“You’re scared of your client.”

He was quiet for a moment, before meeting my eyes severely. “You would be too if you knew who they were.”

I raised my brows, heart racing as I neared the elusive piece of crucial information I’d been seeking from the start. “Try me,” I offered.

He took a deep breath, shut his eyes for a moment, then looked at me dead on. And without him saying a single word, I felt his anxiety. I felt his uneasiness. I felt his fear. I felt it all. He inhaled sharply and lowered his gaze. “Our client,” he began, and my legs bounced with anticipation, “is Sanyo Industries.”

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #taehyung fanfic #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #bts angst #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts ot7 au #bts series #bts reader insert

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ourheroictommo · 5 years

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(1)" - Was it that Eleanor wasn’t there when he got off stage? Because I was also wondering where she was at tbh- Imagine dating Louis Tomlinson and showing him zero affection. She has no excuse to be a as cold as she is. Unless she seeks out hate about herself she’d see none of it. She has no excuse to hide in these backstage videos. Jordan clearly follows them around all the time and she goes out of her way to look miserable and distant. The only +

Anonymous said: (2) + stopping her from showing affection in public is her pride and I can’t stand that. She doesn’t love him enough to overcome her own pride. Her instinct isn’t to wait for him and hug him after the performance but her instinct is to hide from the cameras. I have no respect for that" “ - You snapped. That’s exactly what I’m feeling. Louis deserves better partner. Everyone around him (Helene, his band mates, etc) showing more affection towards him then his own girlfriend. (3)+ This is bullshit. Even Niall was there after Louis’ performance.- Yep. Deserves better and I wish he knew that”“ - Her fans say it’s because she hates the camera, yet she ran a blog where her job was to pose for the camera and magazines call her a model although I’ve never seen her do any real modeling. They just can’t admit she’s not a good supporter to Louis. - She absolutely does NOT hate the camera. Look at all the pics she posts of herself when he’s gone. + (4) + For the year she ran the blog she enjoyed posting herself very much.” + (5) “ - I’m so glad he got that hug from Helene. He does deserve a partner to support him. Eleanor couldn’t be bothered to be there before the performance, even though he was just hanging out with Niall someone she has known for years. He admitted how nervous he was before the performance. She wasn’t there with him backstage either. She just walked in front of him or behind him when he was leaving the hotel. She wasn’t even paying attention to his performance in Madrid, she was just hanging + (6) + out with friends. He deserves so much better.- Walking in front of him or behind him looking miserable, drink in her hand and cigarette in her hand. Physically traveling next to him and enjoying his money isn’t what “support” is. Even Danielle waited for Louis to get off the Pride of Britain red carpet and she grabbed his hand to show affection” + (7) + “ - She’s a witch. Solo Louies would literally adore her if she gave us something ANYTHING that says “I love Louis Tomlinson” any fucking gesture ffs- Right? Like imagine if she hyped him up and showed him love. Showed us what boyfriend Louis like. We are so starved that we hyped Rebecca Ferguson up for 5 seconds of thirsty looks. Imagine cute boyfriend Louis content, she could get us on her side if she wanted but she continues to act like she’s above his fans and hates them. But Louis + (8) + loves his fans. How does that work?”“ - As much as I dislike Harry these last few years, I still think of that commercial director’s comment about how Harry and Louis stayed as the other was being filmed to make sure they didn’t need something when they were filming the commercial during 1d. Selfish Harry could be there to support Louis, but Eleanor couldn’t be there for Louis. I hope she enjoyed her free Mexican vacation. - I remember that comment and I always wonder if it was fake. But + (9) + I do remember actual proof that Louis did stay behind watching Harry multiple times. But you know, I think Louis deserves better than Harry as well.”“ - That’s why this relationship just can’t last. She hates his fans but he’ll be touring for months around his fans. She won’t go near Freddie. This is not something that can last. The end will come at some point.- I agree. Their thing isn’t goals in any way shape or form” + (10 finally) Someone quoted those on my TL, maybe from Tumblr. I don’t know what to say, this poor girl will never win with some of ugly people who apparently need help for hating a complete stranger who has done nothing to them. Louis deserves better fans and I hope one day he will have. Plus, why Tumblt is like that? Took me forever to send you the quotes!

What the fuck is even this shit?????

“ - Was it that Eleanor wasn’t there when he got off stage? Because I was also wondering where she was at tbh-

Even Niall was there after Louis’ performance.

She wasn’t there with him backstage either. She just walked in front of him or behind him when he was leaving the hotel. She wasn’t even paying attention to his performance in Madrid, she was just hanging + (6) + out with friends.”

What a huge pile of horseshit. She wasn’t with him backstage because she went to watch the show! To see him perform from the audience! Niall was backstage because he hasn’t performed yet. Helene was backstage probably to give Louis the final instructions or whatever - she’s a part of Louis’ team. Eleanor wasn’t backstage because she was watching Louis’ performance from the audience. Why do they blame her for that? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! She surely congratulated him afterwards anyway.

“Solo Louies would literally adore her if she gave us something ANYTHING that says “I love Louis Tomlinson” any fucking gesture ffs- Right? Like imagine if she hyped him up and showed him love. Showed us what boyfriend Louis like. We are so starved that we hyped Rebecca Ferguson up for 5 seconds of thirsty looks. Imagine cute boyfriend Louis content, she could get us on her side if she wanted but she continues to act like she’s above his fans and hates them.”

Have these idiots forgotten her v-day posts? Or how she hyped him and looked at him like he hung the moon at the twins’ birthday party? Or how much she cheered for him at the xfactor in 2017? Not to mention all her tweets and insta posts from when they were dating the first time around. What more do they want from her???

“Imagine dating Louis Tomlinson and showing him zero affection. She has no excuse to be a as cold as she is. Unless she seeks out hate about herself she’d see none of it. She has no excuse to hide in these backstage videos. Jordan clearly follows them around all the time and she goes out of her way to look miserable and distant. The only ++ stopping her from showing affection in public is her pride and I can’t stand that. She doesn’t love him enough to overcome her own pride. Her instinct isn’t to wait for him and hug him after the performance but her instinct is to hide from the cameras. I have no respect for that"

Have these dumbarses forgotten how since Louis went solo they’ve been commenting on his twitter, his instagram and all his interviews that ‘WE DON’T CARE ABOUT HIS PRIVATE LIFE!!! WE DON’T CARE ABOUT WHO HE’S DATING!!! WE’RE HERE FOR HIS MUSIC!!! FOR HIS MUSIC ONLY!!! NOT FOR HIS PRIVATE LIFE!!!’

And Louis gave them what they asked - all his social media, which used to be a healthy mixture of music/promo and personal stuff, are now strictly music/promo related. He stopped posting about Eleanor, Freddie, his friends, his siblings, his dogs, he stopped posting random pics of his shoes - the only non-music related stuff he still posts are the occasional selfies on his insta stories.

And now they are suddenly begging for ‘cute boyfriend Louis content’???? Really? Really???????

You fucking begged Louis to post only about his music. And you got what you wanted - his mexico igtv is about his music. And also about Niall. Why? Because no one throws a tantrum when Louis and Niall hang out together. Louis’ fans love Niall. Niall’s fans love Louis. In fact they are begging both of them for more content of them together. So of course Louis delivered.

Whereas imagine all the outrage if instead of footage of Louis and Niall chatting in private, there was a footage of Louis and Eleanor chatting in private in his igtv. Or instead of Louis and Helene hugging, it was Louis and Eleanor. I guarantee you, these weirdos would be the first ones to harass Louis team because of that - ‘how dare they include her in his promo stuff!!! how dare they divert attention from Louis as an artist and show him like nothing more than just a boyfriend!!!’ Like if they do this every time he mentions her in his interviews, they would totally do that in that case too - come on!!!

You want ‘cute boyfriend Louis content’??? Go try the same thing you did back in 2017. Go to his twitter, his instagram, his interview comments but this time write about how much do you in fact care about his private life, how much do you in fact care who he’s dating, how much would you in fact enjoy boyfriend Louis, how much would you in fact appreciate (and not hate or harass like you did in the past) Eleanor publically supporting and showing her love to Louis - do all of that and who knows - maybe he’ll listen to you once again!

#ugly shit

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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588

Kinda in the mood to look back, so am doing another one of these comparison surveys...because yay, growth! Hahaha this one is from 2017. How old were you ten years ago? I was 9. I was 11. Not a big change. The last time you went out to eat, where did you go?: We went to a place called Ramen Nagi. I never liked ramen and never tried it prior to entering the restaurant, and only decided to go there because I was playing host to my cousin who came from the States and she wanted ramen. That dinner converted me, though. LMAOOOO, I’ve since turned to a ramen whore. I’m still picky about which restaurants I go to for ramen, though. But anyway, we last ate at a Chinese place called North Park. It was a family favorite when I was a kid and I hadn’t eaten there for a good decade; they’ve since changed the menu, but it felt nice coming back nonetheless. What did you order?: I just had some of my girlfriend’s and she got I think what is their original recipe. We had yang chao, two kinds of squid recipes, sweet and sour pork, spicy seafood chami, and siomai. We were hungry. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character?: I liked one of the older brothers of the main character, but that’s about it. I didn’t get to finish the movie because I lost interest. The movie was Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and I absolutely fell in love with the maid, Sophie. She was such a sweetheart. Do you use Twitter? How about Tumblr?: I have accounts on both, yes. I’m on Twitter much more frequently. I still have accounts on both, and I’ve been using the same handles.

What colour are the walls of the room you’re in?: White. Yep, white. What would you like to say to the last person that hurt you?: Be nice when you ask for things and mind your tone when you are going to do it. You get nowhere with rudeness. Ooh, I haven’t felt hurt by a person in a while. That’s a great realization to have. Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her.: Kinda, yeah. I went to high school with someone named Leann. Simplest and among the nicest people I know. We’re in the same university but barely see each other, so we always hug when it happens. Yup! Luisa. She was my orgmate but she graduated in 2018. She did have a small crush on me and tried to hold hands with me when she was drunk, so that’s a memory I’d rather not dwell on. But outside of that, she’s a good friend, very smart, super ambitious and passionate, which I admire. She’s a sports writer for a national newspaper now and is doing a hell of a great job. When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts?: What the frack happened last night?! “Ugh, shit. Sunday,” because we go to mass every Sunday morning. Have you received any compliments today?: Sure. My prof emailed me saying my essay was well done, despite me passing it two days late hahaha. Sure, but not a lot. Describe one of your favourite items of clothing. Where did you get it?: The floral summer dress I use way too much is from H&M. It’s a black halter top, I look cute in it, and I got it from a random ukay in Feliz for ₱50 ($1)! Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter A.: Apple pie. LMAO WHYYYY did I say that was a favorite of mine, who is she??? That’s crazy. A food starting with the letter A that I absolutely love is alimango – that’s crab in Filipino. Is there anyone from your past that you sometimes miss? Tell me about them.: Yes, friends from elementary. I wish I could see people like Jaynie, Andi, Angel, etc., one more time in like a huge reunion thing. I miss ^ those people everyday, but thankfully I’m in touch with all of them on social media. Nowadays, I find myself missing my high school batch. The 152 of us have not been in the same room for three years, and it’s still weird and still sad some days. Three have kids and one is married now, so that’s crazy. How long have you known the last person you text messaged?: Generally known her all my life, but didn’t start talking to her until six years ago. ^ Same answer, because Gab is still the last person I texted haha. The only difference is that it’s been around nine years since I got to know her for the first time. Do you know what the person you miss is doing at this moment?: No idea. She was reviewing a few moments ago, but she said she took a break and I didn’t really ask what she was up to now. Maybe chilling or preparing to go out because I know her family goes out every Sunday. She is working on a school paper. She’s not supposed to be working this late, but she got shit groupmates so she’s doing the whole thing which is taking up her time that could be spent resting. Has anyone told you that they love you today?: Yes. Yup. In the last week, what’s the kindest thing that someone has done for you?: Last Friday my cousin from the States helped me parallel park in the smallest space I ever parked my car in. In the Philippines that’s enough to make you feel super embarrassed, because here you never let your guests do ANYTHING for you. So that was really sweet and nice of her to offer :((( Aww, Ate Joelle is such a darling, I miss her. The nicest thing someone has done for me recently is Danika offering to buy me a cookie priced at ₱30. I won’t let anyone treat me with that much money so I gently refused, but I really appreciated that from her. Is there a song that makes you cry every time you hear it?: Not really, no. There are songs that make me feel bad because they bring me back to certain dark moments, but ultimately nothing is bad enough to make me cry. Yeah, it’s a little easier for songs to make me cry these days because a lot remind me of Nacho. If someone read your mind right now, what would they hear?: They would hear my disgust over this mango cake I just tried, and me scolding myself at ever trying it. Nothing. It’s 12:02 AM and I’m not really thinking about anything at the moment. Do you have any favourite jewellery that you wear every day?: I do. I never take off the necklace Gabie gave me on my birthday. ^ Welp, I’ve taken that off for a while now because it kinda broke. :)) But no, I don’t have any everyday jewelry. What colour are the eyes of the last male you talked to?: Dark brown. I encountered him very briefly as he was a barista who just took my payment at Starbucks, but I’m guessing he has dark brown/black eyes. Have you ever met a person that changed you for the better?: Absolutely. I’ve met a lot of people who have done this for me. The big difference between this answer and ^ that one is that I first took this survey before applying for my present org – that was a time I was not part of any circle in college yet, and was generally miserable everyday in school. But now I have a college org, a solid support system and foundation, and it couldn’t get any better. Are you wearing anything orange or red?: Nope. I am not. I am wearing gray and black right now. Who was the last person you said “hello” to?: My dog. My dog, when I got back home. I like to think there is always something to smile about. So, tell me, what’s your reason to smile right now?: It’s my last week in school this week!!!!! FUCK!!! I don’t have class tomorrow (later), yay.

#survey #surveys

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