#but tomorrow is another day and friday another day and another day and another

[ftmancave]

MY CHEST SURGERY EXPERIENCES:

Rafe's FTM Page (GeoCities)

" My chest surgery in healing very well.  I underwent chest surgery on December 1, 1997. I had the procedure done in San Francisco by Dr. Brownstein, my hero......hehe. I was pretty well-endowed before surgery, (38C+) so I had what some people refer to as a double incision procedure. That is where they make two longish incisions along the lower edge of the pec muscles and remove the breast tissue. It does leave some scarring, but it contours very nice and works out well for people who were pretty big before. My scars have faded considerably, even for having had surgery recently. Scarring depends so much on your own personal factors, like your age, skin type, how big you were, whether or not you smoke, etc. Fair-skinned people tend not to scar as badly. The following excerps are taken from my journal. They explain a lot of thoughts and emotions that I experienced around my chest surgery.

Sunday, November 30, 1997:

It is one day until I have my chest surgery. It is scheduled for 7:30AM. I have to be there at 6:30AM. Right now, I am feeling very alone. I am staying at a friend's house in San Francisco. I am surrounded by people, but still I feel alone. I feel like I am the only person in the world who would go to these extremes to be the person I truly am. I have often been asked, "Why do you always have to swim upstream?" Sometimes, I wonder this about myself. This is one of those times. But, dammit, I am who I am, and I have struggled hard to get to this very place in my life. And damn everybody who doesn't have to question such basic things as gender, and who just take it for granted. Yes, I am having a very alone moment. I am scared. I wish I had another FTM to talk to who has gone through all of this. Nobody told me that I would be thinking these thoughts before the long awaited chest surgery. They only talk about what a relief it is, and how excited they were. I don't even hate my tits that much, they just seem foreign to me. Maybe, I just didn't try hard enough to like them. What if this is all just a bad mistake. How come no one ever talks about that? Well, enough, I've got to try and get some sleep before this surgery tomorrow morning...........

Monday, December 1, 1997, Day of Surgery:

I went into the hospital at 6:30AM, who's idea was it to start that early anyway? Anyway, I filled out piles of paperwork and soon a nurse took me into a room to change into a hospital gown. "All the better to get at you", she said with a smile. I was wondering if they found her on the show 'Tales from The Crypt'. They came and wheeled me away to another room and I talked to the anesthesiologist for a while. I must have asked him two hundred questions. He was talking about sticking some big tube down my throat, so my throat doesn't close. But, by this time the good stuff was pumping into my veins at a very rapid rate, and all I could say was, "That's nice". I really don't remember much else that day..................

Wednesday, December, 3, 1997

I feel like a cyborg. I've got these gnarly drain tubes coming out my sides, and they are taped to my chest with big bulbs hanging down, filled with fluid. EEEEK! Gross!!! Too bad I'm not grossed out by this at all. It's neat. I'm so flat. The week before this, I had the flu and I was MUCH more uncomfortable then, then I am now. I am surprised it doesn't hurt any worse than this. It felt like a very dull ache the first day and a half, but now, I can barely feel it at all. Doc Brownstein says I can have my drains out Friday, if I'm a good boy. I can't wait to get them out. They actually hurt more at the openings, than the actual surgery did. The pain I felt the most from my surgery was that my back was really sore for lying in the same place on the operating table for about four hours. That is about how long the surgery took. I never even felt nauseated after I came out. The anesthesiologist said that it was because they have a new kind of anesthesia that they keep having to reapply while you are out, and they stop it about 20 minutes before you come out of surgery. He said that this makes 'coming to' a lot easier.

Thursday, December 4, 1997:

Today, I am a little uncomfortable. I think my vest is too tight because at first it felt like my arm was asleep, now it just aches and aches. It is my left arm and it is also painful to touch. I noticed a little black and blueness around the inside of my arm. I called Doc Brownstein, and he said that it could be a little blood clot, which I am pretty prone to anyway. He said I could come in tonight (it was eleven o'clock), or I could just wait until the morning when I would have my drains out anyway. I waited until Friday.

Friday, December 5, 1997:

He took my compression vest off today, in order to take my drains out. I got a first look at my chest. I was surprised it didn't look that bad. I expected it to be very bruised and cut up, afterall, they made two ~ 7 inch incisions under my pec lines, cut out a whole flap of skin, and took my nipples off and grafted them on higher up, and smaller. There wasn't a bruise anywhere. It just looked flat........and stitched together. I was still thinking about how wonderful it looked, when, out came the right drain. OUCHHHH!!!! It was a sharp pain that lasted about five seconds. Damn, that hurt!! Nobody told me about the drains. Then, the left one, the sore one came out. AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! OUCHHHHHHH!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEE! WWWWOOOWWWW!!!!! That was a big hurt. It actually hurt so much, that I was giggling out of nervousness. "Well, what do you expect when you pull something this big (he showed me the part of the drain that was inside me), out of something this small (I looked down at the pinholes at my sides)." I laughed. It was over.

Sunday, December 7, 1997:

It was stitches out day.......yeah! I don't have to be Frankenstein anymore. My arm is still a little sore from the compression vest being too tight, but the pain is going away. Getting the stitches out was easy compared to the drains, and pretty uneventful. But, it was the first time I got to see my new grafted nipples. They looked OK, not as scary as I had heard. I went to look at myself in the mirror, without bandages or stitches. Just me. It was wonderful. I was so flat. Now this is what I'd pictured I'd look like when I grew up. I could finally start owning my body, living inside my body as well as my brain. It was a trip!!

Saturday, April 3, 1999:

I cannot tell you how having my chest surgery has improved the quality of my life........It has been about sixteen months since I had surgery. I have been using this scar cream called MEDERMA to try and heal the scars, and my scars have faded to almost nothing. They are thin, skin-colored lines. Now I can feel the hot sun on my chest while I lie out on a sunny beach in summer. I can feel the cool wind blowing on my chest, making my little hairs tickle. I am more confident than I have ever been. I feel like I no longer have to hide this terrible secret. I do not have to try to prove who I am, people just see me that way. I enjoy the way my clothes fit me now. I feel a lot less shy, while being intimate with people.......now they are allowed to touch my chest. And don't forget some of the less obvious advantages that you would never think of: I can see my belly button now, I don't have to hold my chest down when I run, or go up and down stairs, no more sweat underneath your breasts in the summer, running doesn't hurt, and I can reach over my body and turn out my bedside lamp without having to rotate my whole body or push my breasts out of the way.

Tuesday, October 3, 2000:

My scars are barely visible. Now my chest hair growth has helped to cover them further. I will be going back to do a few little revisions on the sides under my arms. There is a little nip and tuck to be done. I now take my chest for granted. It is a permanent part of me and I forget that breasts were ever there in the first place. "

[kitkatstu-dies]

6/11/2025

Hiii. I was in the lab for most of the day- another simple experiment, and then set up a Western blot in the afternoon. I read some of The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. I'm working on finishing my presentation for tomorrow + updating my lab notebook!

[mariemariemaria]

is easter a very nothing holiday to anybody else

[hermanunworthy]

i dont often give life updates on here since this is just where i go full dndads mode but i am proud to announce that i finally got a job at a salon!! im just starting as an assistant rn but id like to say that i can officially call myself a professional hair stylist now :] so yeah thats what ur local hermie guy is up to outside of my insane dndads obsession lol

[punkrockisafulltimejob]

Why am I awake at 6 am?

[cinewhore]

trivia was great tonight! Jumped from 8 to 11 teams. half time question folks had to name four of the 8 Pokémon evolve (?) characters and one lady just about broke her neck rushing up to me after to tell me how unfair that question was.

like four teams got it all right 😭 step up ur Pokémon game lady!!!

Musical/showtunes were a hit!!!! Very happy people liked it lol next week I’m thinking 2000s pop punk? Dad yacht rock? 80s teenage girl who just got dumped? Horror?

[seekingthestars]

she's beauty she's grace she's Miss Eevee Cosplay 3.0

[electricea]

i've seen it coming up - but happy turkey day to all the americans out there!

[medusasbush]

i am .... so tired

[truantng]

221/366 Linktree

[lady-harrowhark]

when your parents make a big deal out of visiting for the weekend for your birthday and you know it's not actually going to happen and then still get disappointed when it doesn't happen :/

[dizzypplbecomeblurry]

HAD A FUN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! after work dashed home and took rlly quick shower and got ready to go to coffee shop w cool artsy friend (who i’m trying to move in w bc her house is like right next to downtown where everything that goes on is) and we chatted and did art for a while and we walked back to her place and she showed me her so cool art studio????? i’m so jealous but that night i had also been invited to this open mic by another friend so i eventually said bye to her and walked over to a photo gallery where they were hosting queer open mic and it was music and comedy and poetry and every performer was amazing holy shit there was some good poetry in there a lot of stuff about being queer and mormon LOLLLL relatable experience made some new friendssss after it was over and i am soooo hungry and my outfit is so cute on the bus home 💗💗

[phagodyke]

officially now have enough overtime to take an entire day off im gonna ask for this friday and if they don't give it to me I'm refusing to do any more overtime until they pay me the equivalent for it. WITH overtime pay. and I'll call in sick friday anyway lmao 👍

[haysaprocky]

goodnight cutie pies 🌈

[gaytobymeres]

okay just need to finish this essay and the rest of the assignment (which is very nearly finished). the essay is only 900 words so i just need to not get bogged down with detail but that's so hard :( im about 340 words in with one point fully made, another partially made. just want this to be finished

[rsenak]

double sketch post soon???