ftmancave

[ftmancave]

I'd like to talk a bit about masculinity.

So, I'm a trans woman, I was raised male for 26 years, and since my father wasn't around half the time, my mother did the majority of the raising. This means that she did the majority of teaching me in how to "be a man" socially speaking. Sure, car stuff and male duties were my dad's job to teach me, but values and behaviour in how a man should act was the role of my mom.

My mother always told me that she was raising me to be a good husband to my wife, to treat women with love and respect, and overall how to be masculine but not toxic.

My mother even put together a collection of films and books for me to read with positive male role models for me to build my life around, and honestly it really helped a lot.

So, I'm going to pass on the knowledge I've learned about masculinity that I've learned over the years:

Masculinity isn't a bad thing. It's not bad to be a man, or masculine. Yes, there are toxic men out there with toxic views on how to "be a man", but the same could be said about women. If you don't think women can be cutting or hurt people with femininity, you're dead wrong.

Masculinity can be gentle. It can be loving. There's men out there who adore the women in their lives, and treat them extremely well. These men care about those around them, they're active listeners, they have good communication, they're devoted to their partners, and they're genuinely good people. They're not feminine for caring about animals, speaking softly, being gentle, being loving, anything of the sort. They're men, and that's their masculinity, which manifests in a healthy, positive way.

Masculinity can be gentle, loving, devoted, doting, generous, kind, and all sorts of positive gentle things. It's also a spectrum. There's plenty of masculine men who act in ways that are kind and caring.

George Fisher for example, lead singer of Cannibal Corpse. He's a big, masculine dude who works out. He also spends his free time at home and on tours out playing claw games to win toys for sick children.

Or Travis Ryan, who has a house full of rescue pets, and is an advocate for veganism

Donald Tardy of Obituary fame takes care of over 130 feral cats in Florida every night when he's not on tour, bringing them all food and water

Three examples of extremely masculine men, who are kind, soft, and gentle towards animals and children.

There's nothing wrong with being soft. It does not make you any less of a man.

Too many people act like masculinity is hard, damaging, evil, toxic, and so on. Which yeah, it can be in some - but there's also a lot of good in it. Loving, positive, healthy masculinity should never, ever, be treated like something that needs to be "fixed" because it's masculinity and therefore bad.

There's good men in this world, whose masculinity is good and should be celebrated, and healthy, positive masculinity in those that choose it, should be treated as the good that it is.

So, to those who are choosing masculinity, and choosing a path of loving, healthy, positive masculinity:

Thank you. Honestly. We need more good men and masculine people in this world. You're not a bad person for being this way. You deserve equal goodness to the goodness you put out.

Keep being loving, good, amazing people. Don't let anyone tell you that you're bad for being you, because you're not. Masculinity can be wonderful for some, and it shouldn't be treated like a curse, or a bad decision.

Masculinity is beautiful

Masculinity is wonderful

Masculinity can be a force for good

Masculinity is healing

Masculinity is a spectrum and there's no wrong way to do it, so long as it's not toxic

Masculinity can co-exist with femineity

Masculinity should be celebrated and not shamed

Masculinity doesn't make you a bad person

Trans men, and transmascs deserve all the respect, and room to grow into the people that they've always wanted to be. To shame them for wanting to be masculine is harmful for everyone involved. Masculinity isn't a bad thing, men aren't ontologically evil or bad. The vast majority of men are good people, and are blessings to those around them.

So men, and mascs:

Be soft, be nice, be kind, be gentle, be authentic, be vulnerable, don't be afraid to be you. You're not any less of a man for being "soft", instead you become a man of value, and worth.

[ftmancave]

People do get that like. Trans men are men because they're trans, right?

Like.

You cannot separate the 'trans' from the 'man' because that person is not a man if they're not trans. If they're not trans then they're cis. But they're not. Because they're trans.

I genuinely don't understand how to convey to people who say all that 'trans men aren't oppressed because they're men, they're oppressed because they're trans' shit that like.

That's the same thing.

You're literally just saying 'trans men aren't oppressed because they're trans men, they're oppressed because they're trans men'.

That's how much sense you make when you try to separate it out like that. You can't. They are, quite literally, linked by definition.

[ftmancave]

Unkind reminder we are NOT doing transmedicalism in the transandrophobia tag. That's not happening on my watch. I already watched this whole bullshit happen back in 2017 on tumblr in general. Transmedicalists will catch a block on sight.

I'm a binary trans man but there's aspects of my gender that transmeds would object to. There's no winning with these fools. Get tf out of the tag if you're not going to be respectful to your siblings.

[ftmancave]

Whenever someone tries to hypothesize a bad faith scenario in which trans mascs have male privilege they always reveal their lack of knowledge on the trans masc experience.

"But what if your name on your application says John", well what if I chose an anti-assimilate name? What if I never changed my legal name? What if my name identifies me as a minority of another kind? What if my appearance doesn't match my name? What if my gender marker still says F? What if I don't pass? What if everyone already knows I'm trans because it's a small town and people gossip?

When people create these scenarios, they're imagining a trans man with no complication. His transition was successful in assimilating him into cishet society, no one knows who he was prior, all his documents were successfully changed, he has no other axis of oppression to hold over him. He's basically THE Chad trans man, the Chads Man, if you will.

The problem obviously is, this man basically doesn't exist. And even if he did, the security of his entire existence would require him to keep his mouth shut, don't advocate for himself or other trans people, and to be so deep stealth that he never allows himself to be vulnerable with another human being ever again. If he opens up to anyone about being trans, he immediately loses all those privileges.

All this meant to say...

Pease Stop talking about Chads Man. Chads Man doesn't exist. Your local trans man is most likely a disabled punk with stick n poke tats who doesn't believe in documentation lol.

[ftmancave]

It's always "Have fun and be yourself" with the queer community, until "yourself" happens to be a trans man, transmasc, or consists of complex and "contradictory" labels.

Which in that case, you're told to go fuck yourself and die.

[ftmancave]

I think part of the reason why there's a subsection of trans people who deny anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia, is because they view anyone who isn't a direct target of a specific type of oppression as somebody who is capable of wielding it against said direct targets for their own gain and benefit, and therefore cannot come to terms with the fact that, under their logic, they are able to enact violence and oppression upon others, so they outright deny that violence and oppression exists in the first place.

See: anyone who isn't TMA/transfeminised can weaponise transmisogyny against TMA/transfeminised people for their benefit and gain, and this is a form of active oppression.

Therefore, if anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia are real, anyone who isn't ATMA/transmasculinsed can weaponise ATM/Transandrophobia against those who are ATMA/transmasculinised for their benefit and gain, and this would also be a form of active oppression.

Like obviously a lot of people in ATM/transandrophobia discussions believe & understand that only cis people have the systemic power to oppress trans people. And I think that any other type of inter-community bigotry amongst trans people does not give others any genuine systemic privileges, insofar as, like, for example a woman can uphold misogynistic and patriarchal views and actions for a slight benefit and even at the expense of other women, but ultimately doesn't gain much in the way of systemic privileges by doing so. Like, I believe it is possible for some benefits to be gained from enacting lateral transphobia/transmisogyny/anti-transmasculinity but it's never as meaningful as the power cis people wield over us, and generally enacting lateral bigotry is to curry favour with cis people or other bigoted trans people.

I think it's absolutely fair to talk about when non-transfeminised trans people have used transmisogyny as a tool for their benefit, and I think it's important to examine how and why this happens.

But I think we should also be able to talk about the very real fact that non-transmascs/trans men can use anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia as tools for their benefit as well.

I can, off the top of my head, think of about 10 or so blogs of trans people who are not trans men/mascs, who have been able to wield transphobia against trans men/mascs to gain popularity and curry favour within the greater trans & queer communities. And this is just getting more followers and getting their ideas boosted and being able to do things like write books and have podcasts and make art that therefore all get boosted as well, and this is a material benefit. I don't think this makes it systemic because there's no systems in place that benefit specifically one type of trans person in favour of another, because the system of patriarchy is always inherently oppressive of trans people no matter their gender.

But there are still real material benefits that come with participating in anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia as trans people. Even other trans men/mascs benefit from this; look at Devon Price. He's decreed he's "one of the good ones" and "not like those other transmascs being whiny asking for their problems to be listened to". And he has multiple published works that, every time he espouses these anti-transmasculine views, get lauded and pushed to say "see here's someone that agrees with me".

I'll also touch on a recent example of a cis man benefiting: yes, it's about the infamous PDB. This guy used anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia, couched in faux-progressive language hidden as "protecting transfems", to gain notoriety and popularity and curry favour with another group. Which obviously would have had material benefit for him in many ways, but most notably that he is a streamer so he would have attracted a larger audience with this. The fact that this got immediately lauded and praised and any pushback or criticism was met with anon hate and threats, just shows how much this guy benefited from this. I'm not gonna speak more on this specific example because it's already been done to death and also I'm sure we're all sick of hearing about it.

But yes, I think people want to powerjacket (and more recently predatorjacket) transmascs so they can continue to use anti-transmasculinity and transandrophobia for their benefit and gain without having to acknowledge that they are causing harm, by way of denying our specific oppression.

[ftmancave]

So here's what happened on Reddit:

A transmasc posted about how transmascs and trans men are often invisible, how our issues are dismissed, and how resources, especially medical ones, are almost always written with non transmascs in mind. They posted this both to r/Trans and r/lgbt.

A moderator of r/Trans responded by telling them to “stop bitching.” That’s the word they used. That’s the level of respect trans men get. Transandrophobic by the way, don't call trans men bitches.

The comment was deleted, quietly, after backlash. Then the entire post was removed. When asked why, a mod responded that the post was “playing oppression olympics,” and took the time to go through and dismiss each of the original poster’s points, including saying that trans men being sexually assaulted isn’t “unique to transmascs” and therefore not an issue, and claiming that access to testosterone isn’t any more restricted than access to estrogen, which is a straight-up lie, because T is a tightly controlled substance in most places and E is not.

The original poster was banned for three days.

Then a separate mod made a post saying, “nobody asked us our side of the story,” which is wild because people absolutely did, publicly and repeatedly. Users also started reporting that they’d had supportive comments removed or had been banned after disagreeing with the mods, some of those claims are still unconfirmed, but given the general behavior, it wouldn’t be surprising.

Then r/Trans locked down entirely. No new posts. The conversation was forcibly ended.

Some people posted about it on r/FTM, many of those posts were mass-reported, automatically removed by Reddit’s automod, or quietly buried. Meanwhile, r/lgbt also removed the original post, with no explanation.

One of the r/Trans mods eventually posted an “apology,” which was really just a soft-scrubbed PR post full of noncommittal language and distancing. They said they didn’t mean to call a trans man “a bitch,” they just used it synonymously with “complaining,” and they didn’t think about the implications until later even though the first post was about microaggressions just like the mod committed. They did not apologize for anything else, not for wrongfully banning people, not for accusing a transmasc venting like any other user of playing oppression olympics, nothing at all. They said they’re on break and can’t do anything about it. They said, and I quote, “please don’t be mad at the rest of the team.” even though the rest of the team are just as culpable for not stopping their behavior.

They also added that trans men are “a welcome part of the community” and tried to point at moderation history as proof. Because apparently we should be grateful that people occasionally get banned, every so often, for implying trans men aren't oppressed at all, wow, thanks, that is like below the bare minimum, cool.

The current state of things is: r/Trans has over 600,000 members, and trans men and transmascs were silenced, banned, and told to shut up for bringing up their own oppression. And the subreddit is locked down. There’s a mass exodus happening to the new sub, r/trans4every1, but let’s be real, the damage has already been done.

Now let’s talk about what this actually means.

This is not “just more Tumblr discourse.” This isn’t some random blog saying they don’t like transmascs. This isn’t a Twitter reply guy. This isn’t a niche zine or a spicy personal take. This is a massive trans-focused subreddit with over half a million users. It's easily one of the largest public facing trans community online, maybe even the largest, I've certainly never found a bigger one myself. And the moderation team made it crystal clear: they do not want transmascs to feel safe or welcome there.

This is what transandrophobia looks like on a slightly larger internet scale. When it’s in the hands of people who get to decide who gets heard and who gets deleted.

And for anyone who’s still stuck on “well they apologized” listen: trans men are told all the time that we’re being too loud, too angry, too entitled, too manly, too feminine, too confusing, too “binary,” too "Nonbinary", too much. We’re told that we’re “oppression olympics-ing” just for talking about our lives. And now we're getting banned and locked out of the spaces that claim to represent a huge portion of online trans people.

This isn't just online drama. This is a bellwether. And if it isn’t setting off alarms in your head, it should be.

The way transandrophobia manifests in online spaces absolutely bleeds into real life, into medical gatekeeping, into poor data collection, into the erasure of sexual violence against transmascs, into advocacy groups that write us out of the picture, into educational materials that treat us like footnotes, if they include us at all.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “well it’s not that deep,” you’re part of the problem.

We need to start being more honest about this: Transandrophobia is real, it is widespread, and it is growing. We need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when they’ve shown us they don’t want us in the room.

And frankly?

We need to start making TRFs [Trans Radfems & transmasc-exclusionary feminists alike] deeply uncomfortable being open about their beliefs. We need to make them afraid to be TRFs, the way they’re trying to make us afraid to exist.

The same way we don’t coddle fascists. The same way we don’t tolerate TERFs. We need to stop tiptoeing around transandrophobia.

Because this growing wave of transandrophobia is going to kill people. Full stop.

Protect trans men. Protect transmascs. Protect your siblings; all of them!

[ftmancave]

Fem presenting trans man this, masc presenting trans man that... Buddy I am just a dude

[ftmancave]

Some trans knights I made for pride. I did order these as stickers but I have not heard from my manu yet, it has been two weeks, don't make me send you a follow up e-mail, I am bad at this Q_Q

[ftmancave]

The whole “they voted for it” rhetoric in regard to the low quality of life in red states (specifically in the south) makes me want to start killing and maiming. Frothing at the mouth and clawing. Reading through the screen and grabbing that lib’s throat. It is easier to turn your empathy off and classism on and say “all the people in that state are stupid broke redneck white trash so why should I care about them”, I’m sure.

[ftmancave]

i love being hypermasculine. i love oversized cammo shorts and white tank tops. i love my ugly nails that i bite til i bleed. i love my armpit hair. i love to have muscles, bruises, and acne. i love the smell of the "male" shampoo. i love it i love it i love it

[ftmancave]

too many people are caught up on the dynamics between trans men/mascs and trans women/fems under the transandrophobia/transmisogyny frameworks

and not enough people are focusing on how cis people overwhelmingly have privilege compared to both trans men/mascs and trans women/fems

this is what we are trying to bring attention to when discussing transandrophobia, that trans men/mascs do not have privilege compared to cis men and cis women

that trans men/mascs are oppressed by transphobic cis men and cis women in positions of power

and how trans men/mascs do not have structural power because of the transphobic systems in place that seek to eliminate us

[ftmancave]

“transmisogyny is real because there’s more books about it, transmisandry is fake” my sibling in satan, i dare you to look for any writings about being trans before 1920. wanna know why it might be lacking before then?

BECAUSE THE FIRST COINING OF TRANSSEXUAL WAS IN THE 1920’S IN GERMANY

IT WASNT EVEN TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH UNTIL 1949

transmisandry/transandrophobia are newer terms. they define something no one thought about until recently to my knowledge. and that’s ok, that happens. and that’s why there ain’t vast books about it and the discourse and theory is all online.

because it’s newer to the stage. lemme put it like this:

in 1984 (bear with me this isn’t some weird shit), the party tosses english out in exchange for newspeak. newspeak exists to make it harder to think thoughts and formulate ideas that are against party ideas by limiting the vocabulary of the populace. if you can’t put a name to something like, say, hatred, you’re not gonna really get what’s happening. if you hate something but don’t know any words for “hate” or any of its synonyms, you will probably assume some shit like “damn i guess i’m irrationally angry for some reason wtf”

hell, i had this experience with internalized misogyny, i thought i just had a complex about my birth sex and being trans until i posted and someone said “that’s internalized misogyny” and i was like ooooooh.

the way books are written is people who write them hear a lot of chatter about an idea. given enough time, things are further dissected and looked into, and ideas don’t come from nowhere. they come from experiences

[ftmancave]

Btw, if you're against trans man and mascs discussing their issues as trans men and mascs, actively harassing us over your biases, you're part of the reason there's trans men, mascs, even boys killing themselves right now.

There is blood on your hands.

[ftmancave]

tumblr is so america centric its crazy. shut up about "trans men dont have struggles because people ignore them". just admit you live in a place where theres not many out trans men and mascs, especially in conservative areas. consider that those trans men and mascs might be trapped in the mormon church which is famously misogynistic. you live in hell with no guaranteed abortion access and a dictator, perhaps youd understand transmasculine theory if they werent forced to be house wives because of the extremist christian cults the rest of us are horrified by. i go outside and theres visibly trans people everywhere. is there really a lack of or ignorance of any group of trans people? or are they being sent to conversion therapy?

[ftmancave]

every single transandrophobic remark about trans men/mascs begins to make so much more sense once you realize that transandrophobes do not see trans men as transgender

trans men have male privilege? transandrophobes only see us cis men

trans men have cis woman/afab/tme privilege? transandrophobes only see us as cis women

our sexual assault rate is higher only because we're more likely to be attracted to men? transandrophobes only see us as heterosexual cis women roleplaying as gay men

calling us bitches/cunts/hysterical? transandrophobes only see us as mentally ill cis women

"trans men really are the men of the trans community" transandrophobes only see us as violent and dangerous cis men out to harm all women

"trans men are the white people of the trans community" transandrophobes only see us as cis people that dont face any oppression

"trans men dont face misogyny" transandrophobes only see us as cis men incapable of experiencing sexism that primarily targets women

"misandry doesnt exist" transandrophobes only see us as cis men incapable of being oppressed and our access to medical and reproductive health care being taken from us BECAUSE of the fact that we are TRANS and also because we are MEN

"transandrophobia truthers are just going to detransition to become terfs" transandrophobes only see us as future cis women

"transandrophobia truthers are just trans mens rights activists" transandrophobes only see us as cis men that arent oppressed and arent lacking in any rights

trans men really are schrodingers man cis men when it can be used against us, and cis women when it can be used against us.

[ftmancave]

ربما كان عند الرجال الترانس حاجات مادية أكثر في 'ثقافتهم' لو ما كانوا تاريخيًا الطرف من 'مجتمعنا' الممنوع قانونيًا حتى من فتح حساب بنكي.