#but to me sins feels like more plot progression even in the first half is happening since so much is established

[no1ryomafan]

I should be in bed BUUUT for some reason I could not get it out of my mind about how casshern sins and big o do plot structure somewhat similarly SOOO I jotted down a compare and contrast sheet rather then a huge graph: (differences got cut off cause I’m on my phone but also yapped a ton 💀)

Also I’m very aware I could’ve also just copied n paste this but look at how fucking long these are I don’t know if anyone gonna read these but I’m putting them here cause on Twitter I know people would misinterpret this as I’m saying one better then the other when for that last part I’m just giving a honest critic on big o but I still love it

[girl4music]

Gabrielle’s “gift of prophecy” characteristic was a lot more prominent in the dialogue in this script. They still brought it up every now and again in the show that she believed she was an Oracle but it wasn’t a huge plot point like it was in the original script of the episode in trying to convince Xena to take her along because she’d be “very valuable” to her in that way. I like that they never made a big deal about it in the final production but it was still something that she believed about herself. That left it up to us to decide whether it was true or not and with the foresight she had in ‘One Against An Army’ of Xena being killed, it was very possible she could be an Oracle or a Clairvoyant.

But if this is indeed the original script for ‘Sins Of The Past’, it’s interesting how that was a bigger plot point. In actual fact it ended up being Xena that had visions that could predict the future later on in the show. Not Gabrielle. Xena seemed to possess many psychic abilities actually. Most of which she learned from Lao Ma through her book of wisdom. But a fair few of them were also just innate within her. The visions were one of them that she just seemed to naturally manifest at the start of Season 4 once Alti had shown her her future of dying on the cross alongside Gabrielle. After that, she seemed to get those visions quite frequently. Including visions of the past. They weren’t memories, they were visceral retroactive visions. Retrocognition is what they’re called. Whereas the future visions are called precognition. Either way, it was still psychic ability that she already possessed and so wouldn’t be of any value.

Which begs the question - what did Gabrielle have of “value” to bring to Xena in travelling with her and helping her in her endeavours for the greater good?

In this script they used the characteristics of the “gift of prophecy” and “good cooking” as incentive valuables. But there was no such mention of either in the episode.

Gabrielle did not have to convince Xena to take her along with her. She did not have to prove her “value” to Xena at all. Xena just took her along. I say it was that mutual feeling of being an outsider. Of not belonging.

XENA: “You know, I’m sending you home in the morning.”

GABRIELLE: “I won’t stay home. I don’t belong there, Xena. I’m not the little girl that my parents wanted me to be. You wouldn’t understand.”

XENA: “It’s not easy proving you’re a different person.

*Gabrielle eyes her curiously, Xena throws a bundle of blankets at her, gestures to the other side of the fire*

You can sleep over there.”

“Value” was never really the incentive for Xena. Meaning it wasn’t what made Xena want her keep Gabrielle around. Connecting was. What Gabrielle provided Xena was someone to connect with. So I definitely prefer what they ended up with as opposed to this original script (if it is real) because there is this quiet nuanced subtext of THIS IS QUEER all throughout Season 1 and no matter how much they tried to spin it that way, Xena did not view Gabrielle as a “kid”. Yeah, she may have reminded her of herself when she was that age… but at no point did Xena ever see Gabrielle as a child. And that played perfectly into her immediate attraction to her in the first episode and why she was a lot more interested in her than she was ever letting on.

It was that soulmate connection that they had between them. They had found their missing “other half”. They just didn’t know it. That also had to be discovered. So I like what they ended up doing with ‘Sins Of The Past’ compared to how it allegedly originally started out. And (if it is real) it does confirm they hadn’t planned it. None of the writers even remotely contemplated this. It just serendipitously ended up as a very queer narrative. Or maybe it was destiny. I don’t know. But it works a lot better than what they were originally going to do with it when you consider the progression of their relationship.

Having a connection is much better than giving value. If they had done that instead, then the deep love between them wouldn’t have looked or felt as sincere as it did. The queer narrative started from the very first episode. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t put in there intentionally. What matters is that once it was pointed out to them, they took it, ran with it and never fucking looked back despite the studio consistently telling them to censor.

[the-auguer]

I just couldn’t write a Belphie POV for my fic fear of falling apart (shameless plug) and I was wondering if it’s because I just don’t like him. In simple terms, yeah. But in not so simple, it’s cause I just can’t understand him or get into his head.

Warning: a whole rant is ahead. Just for my peace of mind.

While I don’t personally like Belphie, I do have a certain appreciation for his character. He is interesting, but what’s more interesting is what he could have been. I feel as though he could have been developed a LOT more into a really layered character that had a complex and interesting relationship with the MC after the whole Lesson 16 debacle. But it was such a massive waste of time. More than half of the entire first season was building up to the Belphie confrontation and all of the juicy, crunchy interactions and character moments that would have to follow an event like what happened. But it just didn’t happen. I’m not talking about the lack of apology or the canon “awkwardness” that the MC had to fix. The fallout, the consequences, of that entire situation should have been meaty. And obviously, everyone reacts to trauma differently so it’s hard to put that in a self-insert game, but there should have been dialog/action options or plot progression. PLOT PROGRESSION. Diavolo and Lucifer just inadvertently got the only human without magic in the exchange system killed on their watch. Simeon and Solomon— and VERY MUCH Solomon— should have been fucking on that. We could have had higher stakes than ever, even more than whatever forced “Celestial War” bullshit that Nightbringer tried to pull. Instead we get another 4 lessons of fluff and hyjinks. 

All that tension, all that suspense crashes down and is wiped away in an instant, leaving the player to wonder if the whole Belphie thing was even that big of a deal in the first place. 

I think that a really, really compelling dynamic could have been born from Belphie… not apologizing. Or apologizing but for the wrong things. He took the demon threat that had been hinted at with nearly every demon brother and fucking hammered it home. The MC couldn’t do a damn thing and just died. Just like that.

Just… there were so many different directions the game could have gone to really flesh out the Three Realm Student Exchange aspect of the world, and make Diavolo a character that isn’t just secretly super interesting. Or even just to make any characters other than Mammon and Lucifer (the faves) a little less two dimensional. Maybe even explore what it is to embody sin and still love. Finding love despite or because of that sin. Idk, I’m just a home fanfic writer.

But it pains me to see a product that had so much potential, a CHARACTER that had so much potential, get squandered.

Long rant told shortly, I don’t write Belphie because I just can’t. There’s nothing for me to extrapolate from. Lesson 1 - 16 Belphie is a different person from who emerges afterword. And I just can’t compute who he is, what his motivation is, what his wants are. I can’t get into his head or even make something up for him yet.

Anyway, if you read this far thanks :P

[sweettodo]

a simple competition.

⟿ Hisoka Morow x freader x Chrollo Lucilfer

Includes : threesome, toys, smut, not even a good plot but yk, consumption of alcohol

word count : 2,7k.

my last little surprise for you guys, some more threesum action .... here you go puppies. THX FOR 300 [ almost 400 rn :) ] <3 !!! your favorite men at your disposal... [y/n is aged].

fun fact, I'm eating takis rn, are these spicier than usual or am I imagining things ? i’m also watching ‘malcolm and marie’ AMAZING movie, i highly suggest it, the dynamic of the two is so detailed, such a good movie.

••

Maybe it wasn't a clever idea to drink, but once you attained that nice and warm sensation in your gut, there was certainly nothing stopping you from finishing the already half-empty bottle of pink whitney.

Laying sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling as the room slowly spins around you. Content and relaxed with your position.

It wasn't your fault, Pakudona reassuring you that it wouldn't hurt to have a little fun tonight, that Chrollo wouldn't heed if you crashed here for the night, he was tipsy, manspreading on the other end of the couch, eyes puffy and glossed over, enjoying the quiet.

Music was playing thirty minutes previously, but as the night went on, one by one, the others hit the road to sleep off their intoxication, it was already past midnight.

One person had yet to leave, that was Hisoka... of course.

He wandered back into the living room, plopping down next to you and your friend on the couch, "leaving anytime soon? Y/n?"

You shook your head, "staying the night." Hisoka's arched eyebrows rise, a little smile tugging at the niche of his mouth.

"Is that so?" Chrollo sits up, staring at the kaleidoscopic man, a sarcastic undergone on his tongue.

"That's what happens when you drive here, and drink" You nod, "although I didn't quite intend on you staying the night, Morow." He hums, Hisoka pinches the corner of the thin card, waving it back and forth teasingly.

"I can't let you have our playmate all to yourself," you roll your eyes.

"It's not like that," you mutter, staring the magician in the eyes, "I couldn't leave if I wanted to."

"That is true," Chrollo interjects, "that doesn't mean you want to leave though, is it?" you shrug.

"No, I wanna stay, got an issue with that?" you ask, he shakes his head.

"Of course not- although, I suppose Hisoka would be better off on his way."

You estimated things would only get progressively worse from here, the moment Hisoka's bloodlust began to fill the air, you felt this was your cue; before you're able to leave the room, Hisoka's hand is fastened around your wrist, sitting you back down.

"Oh, you can't flee now," dread fills your face, "come on, we might as well finish the conversation."

You and Chrollo both knew what he was talking about. No matter how petty or pathetic, it appears to be that the rivalry between the two never seemed to subside, even drunk.

"Go on, since you have so much to say."

"Am I wrong for thinking my friend is a pretty girl? I seem to remind her more than you do."

"You seem to think you own her, it's pitiful honestly, " Blushing, you look down at your thighs, "do you think she's pretty, Chrollo?"

"I do. I think she knows that right?" you peek up at him, he gleams and tilts his head.

"Look at her, my, you must like us flattering you." You shake your head.

"That's because you neglect to tell her more often, does Chrollo ever call you pretty?" with Hisoka pushing Chrollo's every button, tensions were surging, both men now at the edge of their seats- literally.

"No, he doesn't," you speak, the magician letting out a deep chuckle, you felt like you were being scrutinized, the eyes burning into you felt poisonous and dour, you felt minuscule compared to them.

"I could do so much better than call you pretty, right kitten?" your heart sinks to your stomach, gulping hard. It was too hard to look at them in the eyes as you sunk further into the couch.

"Are we making you nervous?"

The inquiry continues.

"Yeah- you are." You retort, "you guys are talking about me like I'm not here."

"Then let's ask the lady herself, y/n." Looking up to meet Hisoka's gaze, "who do you think could take better care of you?"

Heart pounding out of your chest, your stomach filled with butterflies, "I- I don't know, I've never thought about it." Laughing, you look to see Chrollo, who's standing to his feet.

"I think I know a way to help you decide," smug smile peeking from his face, "unless you don't want to?"

A single nod is all they needed to know, Hisoka standing to his feet, seeing how you sat on the couch as still as a statue, "please don't be so tense, you know how good we are to you." Hisoka slowly picks up your hand.

He's steering you to your feet, "what do you have in mind, Chrollo?" the man leading you two upstairs.

"I think I have something that'll work out for all of us."

The dress you wore to this get-together now seemed like you were exposed, bare, and vulnerable, you knew what their agenda was, you didn't fancy the idea of being the center of attention.

Chrollo slowly clicking open his door, walking in, and promptly turning on the light, you're led to the side of his king-sized bed, his room was both contemporary and warm, comforting feeling; the walls a deep vermilion, the sheets plush, soft and black tones.

"We should leave it up to our little kitten to decide," the buttons on his shirt slowly coming undone, stopping at his sternum.

"What do you think, Morow?" Hisoka looks at you with low eyes.

"I'll go first."

Chrollo stalks towards you, sitting there falling apart at the seams, Chrollo's large and reaching behind your ear, thumb gently caressing your jawline, side to side, "you okay with this? Sweetheart?" you nod, the name sending jolts between your thighs.

Hisoka's rubbing your bare leg, sitting next to you on the mattress as his fingertips trail up and down, his hand stopping inside your thigh and pressing a leg open, Chrollo clasping your other knee and you lay on your back

"I'll get some time to please you, Hisoka gets the same when I'm done, yes?"

You're breathless, Hisoka grabbing you and pressing your back against him, his hands pinching the seams of your dress, "cute little dress- you should wear it more often for me." He hums, rolling it up, your thighs buckled together while lifting your back off the mattress, the dress sitting bunched up at your hips, the panties you wore sitting on your hips.

"My, who knew she would wear something so- revealing." Arms linking around your own, Hisoka keeps you completely locked in place.

"Did you wear these for me? Kitten?" Chrollo asks, shaking your head no.

Tugging at the little strong which hardly kept you covered, “I'll keep these, yeah?” you nod, the pants of Chrollo’s fingers barely ticking you, brushing against your already anxious body.

"Stay still for me, okay?"

"Okay." You breathe.

Hand leaning over past Hisoka, he's opening up the drawer beside his bed.

Your eyes widen at the sight of the little pink toy, compact in nothing bugger than four inches long, he sits on the bed in front of you, bringing the little object to your core.

He switches it on the lowest setting, the only noise in the room was the quiet buzzing of the vibrator as he barely touches your clit, the tiniest contact with the toy having your chest rise and fall, "keep these open for me, okay princess?" his fingers hook below your panties, pulling them down and placing them beside him.

"Such a pretty pussy, don't you think, Hisoka?" You're gnawing on your bottom lip from the teasing little touches with the toy, he was doing this on purpose; your legs laid open, the other man holding your arms to where you couldn't do anything if you wanted to.

"It is, I'm sure it's even prettier when it's cumming,"

Chrollo finally presses the vibrator onto your clit, he leans over your cunt, spitting, your mouth opens, the saliva hardly cooling your excited cunt.

He uses his free hand to finish unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it on the floor, he leans down leveled to your cunt, holding your leg over his broad and muscular shoulder, his tongue licking a stripe towards your occupied clit. Your body shakes, digging further into Hisoka's chest, he holds you tighter.

"Fuck, p-please!" you gasp, wanting to dig your hands into his hair, thrashing against Hisoka's arms, "let me touch-" your pleads fall on deaf ears, Chrollo’s tongue swirling into you in sinful ways, your legs twitching, the toy too much to handle.

The euphoric feeling of the overstimulation sending a pool of cream right onto Chrollo's tongue, lapping up every drop of you.

You were dizzy, Chrollo drinking up all of your essences, his hand pressed into your thigh to keep you from buckling onto him, your back grinding against the pressure of Hisoka's growing erection, his hands had grabbed the straps of your dress, one by one pulling them down and releasing your tits from the braless dress.

It's almost too good to be true- the man spending a dangerous amount of time eating your pussy like it was his very last meal, tasting everything he possibly could, the vibrator maintaining its spot in little circles around your swollen and screaming clit.

Ripping orgasm after orgasm out of your body, you're dripping sweat, he pulls off of you, your cum covering his reddish swollen lips, chin soaked. You looked a wreck, makeup streaming down your face, legs numb, his head coming to yours, he kisses your panting lips, releasing you from Hisoka.

The taste of your cum filling your mouth, his tongue licking past your bottom lip and into your mouth.

"Take this off." tearing at your dress, peeling it over your head, unzipping his pants, "you're gonna straddle me and stay still, is that okay with you, kitty?"

"O-okay, what about Hisoka?" Grabbing your hips, you straddle him. He raises you a little.

"He's gonna watch me make you cum a few more times-" hissing in the air as he assists you to slide down onto his cock, the stretch was unbearable, but you push through, trying not to slouch over in pain.

"-hurts, bad!" You sob.

"You take me so well, it'll only hurt for a second, promise."

His hand's move, one to your waist and one loosely around your throat as he holds you up to get a better grip on your already weakened body.

Keeping eye contact with Hisoka as your body is demolished by the man beneath you, eyes boring into you seductively, captivated by your mess of a face.

You felt as if you were being torn in half, crying out his name as he knew just how to fuck you; fucking your pussy just right.

Fucking you so hard you were going numb.

"Gonna cum! Gonna cum again!" you screamed, head falling back as you searched desperately for air, Chrollo rolling his hips into you as he released you, slumping to his chest, his chest stick from sweat.

"You wanna be filled with my seed, kitty?" Nodding in his shoulder.

"Please fill me- I want your cum,"

The feeling of his cum seeping down his cock and deep into your beaten-up cunt, his breath heavy against your ear.

You sit up, large arms wrapping from behind you and pulling you off of your straddle, Chrollo getting off the bed to clean himself off as Hisoka sits you on the bed, tucking your hair behind your ear gently, smiling as you look up at him, blurred eyes.

"My my, I don't think she can handle it, or can you?"

"I-I can, trust me." He smiles, pleased with your answer, his soft hands taking up your arm before leaning you back, onto your back, he was sweaty, so his shirt was clinging to his body, his hair was messily draped over his shoulders, pulling his tie loose while standing between your open legs, "let me see your wrists, princess."

He's leading you against the bed frame, linking your hands together and finishing off the knot around the post of the frame, the man getting on his knees between your legs, letting his shirt hand open as his hands work at his slacks, unbuckling the leather belt and tossing it to the side, "you look so innocent, tied up and quiet as a mouse, even after you just got fucked out," he pushes down his pants, erection throbbing from underneath his underwear.

The area between your legs throb, he was beyond ready to feel your walls tighten around him, he was ready to hear you begging for more.

He needed to one-up Chrollo.

He lifts your hips, your legs propped against his thighs while remaining restrained, his tip aiming into you accordingly before pushing into your beaten cunt.

His arm propped, flexing as he grips the headboard, drilling into your cunt with no tenderness, he spares you no pain as he ruts into you, ready to split you in half the instant he saw you spilling cum at the hands of his rival.

The size of him left you perplexed, the way he was splitting you open while bringing you to an indescribable state of heaven had you a sloppy mess, the thick cock he had with his veins filling in the little nerves you had yet to feel seconds earlier. He filled you, and he filled you well.

Hisoka fucks you until your head is blank, eyes seeing white, one of his hands gripping your hip, keeping you from laying fully on your back.

You try to cry put to him, and he notices.

He slows only slightly, rolling his hips back and forth into you so you can speak, "s-so good, it feels so good!"

Each rut of his hips sends you into oblivion, the way his hips bumped and clashed against your body left you spitting out a mantra of his name, Chrollo inches away from you, rolling your perked nipple in between his fingers, sending chills up your body.

Hisoka brings his eyes to you, "joining in, my friend?" Chrollo pulls his hand back, you almost find yourself whining.

“Did I fuck you better, y/n?” Chrollo taunts, his lips barely pressing against the life of your ear, “is Hisoka making you feel good?” Hisoka's beautiful golden eyes stalk you, waiting for your answer; stabbing right into your soul.

“Answer him, go on, kitten; did he fill you as good as I am?”

The questions were throwing you in for a loop, your stomach twisted, digging your head back deeper into the pillow of Chrollo’s bed.

“Fill me, please- daddy.” You cry, you longed to touch him, to feel his soft hair as he pummeled into you; you tugged on your wrists softly, already weak, the tied limbs going numb and tingling.

Before you know it, another orgasm is torn out of you; groaning out as you tightened and clenching around him, body once again convulsing, legs tightening around Hisoka’s waist. Each time they made you cum, the more came spilling from your cunt, it was almost unreal how much the bed was soaked, how soaked your thighs were, Hisoka’s pants being stained in the process.

This pretty little soaked pussy, sucking me in so good.” Panting, his head falls back, his dick quaver’s while his thrusts become more staggered, hand gripping tighter around your already sore hip.

His seed bathes both you and his cock, hips sputtering as he slowly slips out of your abused cunt. your head spinning, a panting mess at you blink and stare at the ceiling.

You could barely move, the men in the room throwing on clothes, hearing zippers, you lift your head.

Chrollo hands you a blanket, draping it over your body.

Sitting up, the blanket around you, you look at the two men who were fiddling around doing nothing but looming around the room.

While Hisoka buttons up his shirt, he tilts his head towards you, “tired, princess?” you nod.

A devious smirk dances on your lips, they look at you confused, “perhaps though, I might need another round, you know- to decide who was better.”

[keilemlucent]

teacher’s pet

(r18+)

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

word count: ~3.2k

Keigo is a remarkably good listener and fast learner, especially when you're involved.

warnings: virgin keigo, gooey ass, soft, sweet smut, not too mention the softest keigo i’ve ever written probably?? first time oral baby, also praise kink

---

shoutout to @la-saffron for the lovely headcanons and feral shit that inspired this fic. and thank you to the wuv @keiqos for beta reading. enjoy some soft, gooey, smut. this fic is, at its root, keigo finding the clit. that’s the plot

||||||||||||||||

“J-just like this,” Your voice was soft and breaking, spit sticking in your throat. Touching yourself in front of Keigo like this should’ve been somewhat intimidating, especially with the rapt focus he had on every movement of your body and breaths. But, surprisingly, watching the way he nearly drooled at your form just made you hotter. 

When Keigo asked to date you, you’d never expected he’d be a virgin. But, with his work and his mutations, he’d never had sex or the opportunity to do so properly. Truthfully, he never even learned much beyond his own base needs to blow his load with his fist. 

But, you were more than a willing teacher.

Laying on your back atop his silken comforter was heaven, head propped up ever so nicely by a pillow that Keigo had placed under it. The night had started off with slow touches and soft kisses, all things the two of you had done before. But, it progressed to a little planned show-and-tell. 

You were splayed before him, naked over his sheets with your legs spread as he kneeled in between them. For all of his gusto and readiness, his wings were folded against his back, timidly tucked away as he took you in, gently palming his cock.

Every motion of yours seemed almost lazy. Fingers slowly pinched your nipples while your other hand played with your sex at a tortuously relaxed pace. All the while, you kept your voice low and liquidy. 

“Right here?” You circled your clit, back bending the slightest bit with the hums of heat it sent up your spine. “This is my clit. It feels really good if you touch it nice. It’s very sensitive though.”

Keigo nodded like the good boy he was, enraptured by you.

He had beads of sweat racing down his temples, hair mussed by his own touch. Other than gently pumping his own leaking cock, his only other moment was to occasionally fist his hair, a whine dribbling from his bitten lips.

This must’ve been scary for him, truthfully. All the vulnerability of not only being bare for someone else but them being bare for you. 

You had seen a bit of fear when Keigo had first started to help you disrobe, how his touch got so gentle, feather-like against you to the point of raising gooseflesh. He’d stared so cautiously at you when you first slipped down onto the covers. Despite the tenseness in his shoulders, he traced up your bare body with shaking breaths and clammy hands. 

When you had parted your legs around him, you watched how the gold of his eyes was eaten up by his widening pupils. His mouth had fallen open, cock twitching cutely in his boxers. 

But now that you two were in the heat of the moment? He was a perfect student despite his usual sarcasm and crassness out of the bedroom.

“And here,” You slipped a finger into your sex, feeling a bit of slick puddle around the digit. Keigo’s nostrils flared, wings twitching. “This is my pussy, where your pretty cock goes when you fuck me, right, Kei’?”

He nodded, thumbing over the head of his cock, smearing preek. His voice shook with his own tension and deep-focus, “Y-yeah.”

You smiled at him, shifting one of your legs to give his thigh a soft bump, “You’re doing so well, baby. You wanna know more?”

“I mean, yeah, but... I haven’t really done anything,” Keigo spoke with some remorse, averting his gaze from your body to somewhere far off. The corners of his lips tugged down, his arm going to guard over his chest as though it could protect him from his own internal fear.

That insecurity, that look of near humiliation just wouldn’t do.

“Keigo.” You spoke to pull him from his thoughts. It roused him well with the way he turned back to you, eyes widening as you slowly pumped your finger in your cunt. “You’re gonna do so much. I can’t wait for you to make me feel good. Can you help me?”

Oh, the call to help others was intrinsic and embedded in Keigo’s psyche. 

One of his half-taloned hands drifted to rest on your thigh. His expression went doughy, softening at your even softer words, “I can. I promise.”

You beamed at him with everything you had.

“Thank you. I know you can. God, Keigo,” You shook out a breath, withdrawing your finger from your sex. “Do you want to taste?”

Oh, the look he gave you. He may have been avian, but with the light in his eyes and the way his tongue dropped from his sweetly parted lips made him look far more like an obedient puppy than a bird.

You smiled at him, tilting your head as you slid your fingers into his mouth, pressing down to rub your digits on his tongue. 

“See how nice I taste? Imagine how good that will be all around you when you eat my cunt.” 

The thought had Keigo groaning around your fingers, squeezing his cock. His fist jerked from balls to tip as his eyes rolled back in his head.

Without even instructing him, he sucked at your fingers, lapping at them perfectly. You let him lave over them, his tongue dipping anywhere it could savor you. 

You pulled the digits away, admiring the way they glistened with his spit. You brought them down to your cunt, rubbing over your labia.

“Before we fuck, you gotta make sure I’m ready,” You told him, slowly pressing two fingers to your entrance. You could certainly go faster, but this was ‘educational’. “Gotta stretch me out nice, make sure I’m all wet. Well, that isn’t too hard with you around, is it?”

You send him a quick wink and marvel as he turns cherry red.

“And this is important, sweetheart,” You called his attention fully, slowing your movements. “There’s a little spot inside me, that if you hit it just right, will make me feel so good.”

You were just about to crook your fingers when Keigo stopped you, stilling your hand with his own. He gently tugged your wrist, bottom lip pushed out in a pout. 

“C-can... I try?” He was so tentative, looking shyly at you as you were so vulnerable beneath him. “I w-want to help you feel good.” 

“Of course, ‘Kei. You’re going to do so well.”

He shuddered at the praise. 

You took your fingers from your cunt to your lips, sucking off your own slick. Really, it was just to watch the way Keigo’s thighs clenched as you did. 

You flickered your eyes lower as you took your fingers from your mouth, wiping them on your hip, “Go for it, I’ll tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. Make sure you use the hand we clipped your nails on, okay?”

Ever diligent, Keigo genuinely checked his hand to make sure it was the correct one, talons tamed for the specific instruction that was occurring.

With all the grace and tenderness he could muster, Keigo gripped your thigh, massaging the muscles on his way to your cunt. It was cute, the way he fell forward as he did, ending up propped up on his elbows between your legs. There was pure awe in his eyes as his finger reached the apex of your thighs. 

He looked up at you, hesitantly. 

You nodded, shooting him a smile before settling a hand on his shoulder to rub at the tension he was still carrying in his shoulder. 

Gingerly, Keigo let his fingers drift from your hole to your clit, grinding the pad of his thumb down on the puffy nub. Keigo was a good student, truly, as his pressure and speed were enough to make you drop your head back on the pillow and let out a purely sinful moan.

He paused.

“Good?” 

His voice was so sweet.

“So good, ‘Kei. Keep going.”

He obeyed dutifully. 

His touch slipped downward, teasing the entrance before slipping one finger in. He moved slowly, but not in any way that was lazy. With the quivering of his feathers, you could tell Keigo was literally feeling the way you reacted to him. Every twitch and spasm of your cunt was his guide, as were your quickening breaths.

He pressed another in, shortly. Watching them coat with slick, slowly fucking into you again. 

“Good boy, ‘Kei. You’re doing so well for me.”

The praise made his eyes roll back in his head. 

You smirked.

“Now, baby,” You called his attention again. “To hit that special spot, all you need to do is curl your fingers.”

He frowned, flattening himself to the bed a bit more, “That seems... Very easy.”

You couldn’t help chuckle, carding a hand through his damp tresses, “It’s not hard, once you know what you’re doing. Why don’t you try for me?”

Oh, did Keigo obey so fucking sweetly for you.

You never thought that someone simply softly fingering you, so fucking kindly and gazing at you so reverently would turn you on as much as it did, but god, did it. 

Keigo’s fingers curled in your cunt, every movement precise, but not quite enough.

“A little more, baby. It’s a bit harsher of an angle than you think.”

Keigo’s brow pulled down as he bit his lip. You could feel his hot breath over your cunt and inner thighs as he crooked his fingers just right.

The cry that rang from your throat surprised both of you. Being gently touched like this, on your insides, was making you turn to liquid before him. Your nails dug into his scalp as you lightly rolled your hips into his touch. 

Your legs tensed around him as he massaged at the spongy spot. With your head thrown back on the pillow, you couldn’t see his face.

But holy fuck, could you feel it.

Keigo, apparently, decided to take some of your lessons for a spin. The searing breath you’d been feeling before was suddenly very close to your sex, just before you felt the light lap of his tongue against your clit. 

“Oh fuck, Keigo!” You fisted the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut. You didn’t think him kitten-licking your cunt (just once) would get you this worked up, yet you were sweating and needy for him.

“Am I doing this right?” Keigo drew his mouth away, pressing a sugary kiss to your thigh instead. 

You nodded, breathing a bit harsher. You needed more. 

“Yes, Kei’. Fuck,” Your voice trembled. “Do you want to keep going?”

There was a deliberate pause.

Keigo rose up from his spot between your legs, his actions met with a little whimper that was caught in the back of your throat.

He slid over you, straddling your hips and placing his hands on either side of your head.

You stared up, now wide-eyed yourself. 

Keigo had never looked this intense before. There was still something so fucking tender and raw about how he looked at you, a sweet smile on his face as he pressed a kiss to your nose, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. You cupped his jaw, tilting your head to get more of him.

He pulled away, his breath coming in little puffs as his wings slowly spread out behind him.

“Can I please make you cum? Please?” Keigo asked so sweetly, kissing down your neck. “Let me make you feel good.”

How quickly does the master become the student. Or, maybe receiver.

All the same, thoughts of training Keigo were gone. With the smoldering look he was beaming you from his amber eyes, all you could do was give him a breathless ‘yes, please.’

Keigo was smitten under your command. 

He slid down your body, leaving kisses in his wake. Nothing harsh, nothing that could hurt or be painful. Each movement was matched with a flicker of a grin from him with the way your body jumped with every touch. 

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” You lavished him in praise as he drifted down your body, settling between your legs once more.

This time, he gently hiked your calves over his shoulder, nestling between your thighs and adjusting as he needed.

You swallowed, the feel of Keigo so close making your cunt ache. You needed him in a way you’d rarely let yourself indulge before. Most of the time, the feeling of needing release after a particularly steamy makeout session with Keigo was sated with a well-used vibrator and a glass of wine.

But, to have Keigo so close and so ready?

You could feel the slick dripping from your hole at the mere thought. The coil in your gut already seemed tight with the anticipation of it all.

“God, dove,” Keigo breathed. Without missing a beat, he dragged his tongue up your cunt, stopping at your clit to swirl his tongue around it once. 

He pulled away, but not before dropping a kiss on the throbbing bud. All the while, you let out little keens and gasps, forcing your hips still so as to not overwhelm him. 

You looked down at him, lips parted and wet with spittle. His eyes met yours, lips curled in a smug grin, “You’re so beautiful. Can I taste you more?”

You could tell by the tone, look in his eye, and your knowledge of Keigo’s general demeanor that the moment he got the hang of making you feel good, he was going to take advantage of his prowess and become the most obnoxious tease. 

You savored the thought.  

“Please, Keigo. Show me how good you are.” You breathed back, letting yourself relax into the sheets as Keigo went to town.

At first, he only used his tongue. He left languid licks as he pressed as close as he could to just ravish you with what he had learned.

Keigo was obviously a very talented, well-trained person. He showed you with the way he ate your cunt like it was ambrosia and nectar, tracing shapes and sigils on your flesh with the way his touch bewitched your body, wracked with tremors and needy cries. 

Quickly, he was pressing a finger into you. This time, he wasn’t so slow, but still, the amount of care he put into the motion was almost startling. He gently pumped in and out of you, all the while still kissing at your clit. He lapped at it, nonsense words and sweet nothings being spelled out on the sensitive flesh, each movement causing hot pleasure to curl your toes and bend your spine.

You cried and moaned for him, giving him all the praise you could find your lust-fogged mind. With each utterance of how Keigo was a ‘good boy’, you felt his throaty groans vibrant against your sensitive bits. 

You cherished the feeling.

Keigo withdrew his fingers, taking a breather from licking you as well. Glancing up at you to check-in, he beamed up at your already fucked out expression.

“Feeling good?” He asked, kissing your thigh with a quick nip.

He’s getting bolder.

“Very good,” you hummed, yipping at the sensation of two of his fingers playing with your entrance. You weren’t above begging, despite knowing that allowing him to figure out how into it he would be was a dangerous move. “Please, Keigo. M-make me cum for you.”

He hummed, musing over it, Pandora’s box opened. 

Though, he seemed to decide to test out teasing on another day. Keigo was kind enough to fuck his two fingers into you, cunt nearly sucking them in with the way you were already so tense and ready. 

You could feel his smile against your clit as he tried sucking it into his mouth, curling his fingers at the exact same moment.

The gentleness, the carefulness and the love in it all nearly made your vision white out. You clung to lucidity, babbling sweetness to Keigo as he massaged at your insides, fucking them earnestly with his perfectly toned muscles behind each movement. 

As he tongued at your clit, he never took his eyes off you, watching each of your twitches and reactions and adjusting accordingly. He hardly had to, though. The slick drenching his fingers and the way your hands flew to his hair were more than enough of a sign that you were already getting close. 

“Fuck, fuck, Kei’, don’t stop—” You nearly sobbed as boiling pressure was so close to bubbling over in your belly. 

His fingers truly fucked into you as he grunted against your sex, moving with more vigor but not once losing rhythm or pace. You could vaguely tell that he was grinding against the bed, scarlet wings extended, and flapping every few moments. 

With one final kiss to your clit, you crested over the edge and let yourself go.

You spasmed around his fingers as you wailed out his name, hands flying to his hair to hold him to your cunt, grinding against his face as he sputtered out his own moans. His hips stuttered against the bed, wings beating the air a few times as your back arched and you sang for him.

He kept moving through your orgasm, pressing and rubbing at your cunt with all the technique and knowledge he could, guiding you to the last moments of your peak.

You fell against the sheets, boneless. Sweat laid sticky in your hair as your chest heaved with breath. 

Keigo, the surprisingly attentive lover, popped up from between your legs, “Was that okay, dove?”

“God, Keigo,” your vision still spun as you reached for him. “Fuck, it was so good. You’re such a good boy, such a good fucking boy, Keigo.” 

“I am, now?” Keigo’s normal teasing mood coming alive once more. “Glad to hear that. Can I do that again sometime?”

“Anytime, fuck,” You propped yourself up on your elbows, dragging him closer. It was then noticed his softened cock, wet with cum. “Did... you come? From eating me out?”

“And, uh, humping the bed.” That shame presented itself once more in his voice. Even as you dragged him closer, cuddles necessary, he looked a little ashamed. “I got a little excited.”

“Keigo,” You put your palms to his cheeks, squishing them and frowning softly, but the expression quickly turned melancholy. “That’s good. It’s all about both of us feeling good. And, did it feel good for you?”

“Fuck yes,” Keigo breathed, tension rolling out of his shoulders with your reminder. He snatched you up by the waist, dragging you to his chest as he fell to his side on the mattress. “It felt so good. Thank you.”

He peppered a smattering of kisses across your face as you giggled, all for him.  

“Thank you,” Quietly, you returned the sentiment, kissing the apple of his cheek. “For being so good, really. You really are a good listener when you want to be.”

“I guess I am, huh.” At that, Keigo chuckled, nuzzling his nose into our hair with a hum. He wrapped you up the best he could with his wings, allowing you to go gooey in his arms. 

“I’m excited to see what else you can teach me.”

|||||||||||||

taglist:  @sinclairsamess

[lilacmeadows]

The Next Step

Alright guys! This is my first one shot and it’s just pure smut with a little plot. Reader taking Steve’s Innocence because something about Steve being a virgin turns me tf ON! (lol the gif- what i would do to be spraying his chest with water for that scene omfg)

STEVE X READER

WARNINGS: Explicit language,Switch!Steve, slight dom!reader, SMUT, Oral (m receiving), Steve looses his virginity, Premature Ejaculation (but he’s a super soldier so he can do this all day), DIRTY TALK, Slight daddy kink, multiple orgasms (m receiving), the team hears them and makes fun of them a little. Just taking care of Stevie in the best way.

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

You and Steve were dating for 3 months now. You had a thing for him for a while, and you could tell he liked you too. It started when you first arrived at the compound. He would be sitting in the kitchen with the guys for breakfast, and as soon as he saw you in your spandex shorts and baggy t-shirt that didn’t cover your ass, he wanted you. Sam would make jokes about how he can’t even finish a conversation if you walk into the room.

And when you wore just a sports bra and leggings to train, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. You would be on the treadmill, or lifting weights, meanwhile Bucky would be absolutely kicking Steve’s ass because he’s not remotely paying attention to their sparing match. How could he when your ass was all round, and he could see the sweat roll down your back?

Finally on a mission, you and him were on the same side of the building, and you stabbed a Hydra loser before he was able to shoot Steve in the back while he was busy fighting another asshole. You totally saved his ass. And that night when you were all back at the compound, he asked you on your first date.

Everything since then had gone really well. He was always such a gentleman. Maybe too much of a gentleman. He would always keep you well fed and entertained, and he adored quiet days where he could just sit in your company with his head in your lap while you stroked his hair. But that was about all the intimacy you got. There were kisses of course. But they never lead to anything considering he’d hardly even use tongue. If Natasha was his first kiss this century, you were definitely his second. His hands would always stay firmly on your neck or shoulders when he kissed you, and he never spent the night in your room or cuddled with you from behind.

It honestly was starting to get to you. After 3 months, it really seems like Steve isn’t attracted to you at all, even though he calls you beautiful all the time. And to make matters worse, the whole team thinks you’re having hot sex all the time, and you can’t deny it because your boyfriend asked if the two of you could keep what you do and don’t do private.

So there you were, sexually frustrated. As per freakin’ usual. And absolutely tired of it. You decided you’re going to sleep with your sexy goddamn boyfriend or at least make some type of progress, or this wasn’t gonna work.

You texted Steve 10 minutes ago to come to your room to watch a movie, and he took his sweet time before he finally walked in- sweatpants hung low on his hips and sinful white v neck that was at least 2 sizes too small.

It’s like he does this shit on purpose.

He joined you on your bed and gave you just a side hug as a greeting and that’s what made you snap. As badly as you wanted to start the movie and slowly ease your way closer to him, until you could rub up against him and finally get some passion going, that plan was out of the window.

“Steve. Are you attracted to me?” He raised both of his eyebrows in shock at the question.

“Of course I’m attracted to you, Y/n. You’re the most beautiful girl I know.” He said with a reassuring smile that, although genuine, wasn’t enough.

“So why won’t you have sex with me?”

“You want to have sex?” He gulped, as if it’s so hard to believe.

“Of course I want to have sex. It doesn’t even have to be sex. But something. We haven’t even made out or anything. I saw you shirtless more before we even got together.” You said, not trying to push him too far, but expressing your desire to be close to him, phsyically.

“Y/n.” He sighed, and leaned away from you with both elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I’m not attracted to you. I am so, so, attracted to you, it hurts sometimes. And I want to... do... that... with you, but I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Baby, how could you ever disappoint me?” You leaned in closer to touch his shoulder, watching him tense under your touch. It hurt to see him like this- so closed off from you.

“I don’t have any... experience. With these kinds of things. And you make me more than a little nervous” He admitted sheepishly, not meeting your eyes as he continued. “I’ve only had a handful of kisses, and according to Nat, I’m not very good. I don’t want you to sleep with me and think of me as a loser with super soldier serum.” Hearing him think of himself so lowly made your heart ache. You’d do anything to prove him wrong.

“Stevie, I’d never think that of you. Like everything, sex takes practice... and a good teacher. And I’m more than willing to put in the tutoring hours.” You joked, making him chuckle a little bit and relax his shoulder under your hand. “We can take things as slow as you want.” You said, backing up from him to start the movie.

You and Steve had been watching all your favorite movies in your free time to get him caught up. You got to about 15 minutes into Pulp Fiction when John Travolta was talking about eating a girl out, and you could see Steve getting tense out of the corner of your eye.

“I do want to.” He started, letting that sentence fragment hang in the air.

“Want to what, sweetie?” He blushed a little everytime you called him a pet name, which only made you do it more.

“Have sex with you. I just.” He moved to face you, the movie suddenly not important. “Can we go slow? I don’t know what I’m doing, Y/n.”

You nodded you head and sat a little closer to him, almost straddling him from the side.

“Yes baby. We can go as slow as you want. I’m not going anywhere.” You said as you started to nuzzle your face into his neck, finding his pulse and leaving a wet, open mouthed kiss. You heard him let out a deep exhale.

Putting your hand on his other shoulder, you kneeded the muscle a little before bringing your hand down to his pecs. Rubbing his chest with your hand in a sensual, but comforting, way. Your lips never left his neck, trailing small licks up his jaw, until you reached his ear.

“I’m gonna need you to tell me if you want me to stop okay.” He just nodded at you. “No baby, I need you to use your words. We’ll use colors okay? Red for stop, yellow for slow down, green for go? You wanna try that baby?” He tried just nodding again. “Use your words, baby.”

“Ye- Yes. Red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for go.” He said, looking at you for approval.

“Yes, Stevie. My Captain is so good for me.” You said as you continue rubbing across his chest, leaving a kiss on his cheek, close to his mouth, before you leaned back slightly. You heard him let out a little moan at the use of his title and saw how his breathing was getting slightly labored. “I think we should just talk for a minute, hmm.” He looked at you, confused on why you’re stopping.

You laid him down on your pillow, and laid next to him, with one leg in between his. Half straddling him. You could feel his erection through his sweatpants and saw how his hands were in tight fists.

“I think you should just lay here for a minute, and let me tell you how wet I get for you. Hmm?” He looked up at you with lust blown eyes and moaned when you pulled his bottom lip into your mouth. “I get so turned on, when you first wake up in the morning, and come down to the kitchen. You hair is all messy, and I can tell you’re just a little bit hard. It’s so sexy, baby. And then you tell me good morning, and your voice is so deep and groggy. Mmm, does it for me everytime.” His hand moved up to your waist, eyes going from being squeezed shut, to looking at you longingly, and back to tightly shut.

“Y/n.” He moaned.

“What’s your color, baby?” You leaned closer to his face, urging him to open his eyes and look at you.

“Green.” He said.

“Good, baby. You’re such a good Captain for me, huh?” He groaned a little louder at that, so you decided to test a theory. “Or do you wanna be Daddy?” You said, then licked the shell of his ear.

“Jesus, Y/N.” His hips bucked up from the bed a little. Oh yeah, he liked that one. You decided to save that for another night.

“Color, Stevie?”

“Green, Y/n. Green, please.” He moaned again. Begging you to move faster, which is what you wanted him to do all along. You wanted to get him needy for you, so you could know he really wanted it.

You crawled over his lap, completely straddling him, and moved your hands down to his abs. You grinded down on him once, twice, and then just let your clothed core just sit on him. He moaned loudly then. The friction almost overwhelming for him.

“Can we take this off, Baby?” You said, putting your hands under his shirt hem. He nodded and helped you get it over his shoulders. “You’re so sexy for me Captain. I wanna kiss every inch of this chest.” You leaned down a bit more to give him a peck to the lips. “And I think I’m gonna do just that.”

You learned very quickly that Steve is vocal in bed. Loud moans and groans with every slight movement of your mouth on his collarbones or shift of your hips. You got to his left nipple and put it in your mouth- flicking it with your tongue and sucking gently.

“Oh, God, Y/N.” He bucked his hips into yours a little.

“I love hearing you come undone for me, baby.” You said as you move to his other nipple. You give every inch of his torso attention before you scoot back, in between his legs. You lay a hand over the large bulge in his pants where you can already see a wet patch forming.

“And you know what’s funny, baby?” His eyes are squeezed close, and he’s breathing so hard, you’re not sure he heard you. You apply a little more pressure on his weeping cock. “I said. Do you know what’s funny, baby?” He let out a choked sob at your tight hand rubbing his cock, even through the layers of his sweatpants and briefs.

“Wha-what’s funny, baby?” He got out in a deep whisper.

“You’ve been walking around here, for over 3 months, in these grey sweatpants.” You pushed your hands down to his balls. “And these tight ass T shirts.” Then you rubbed all the way from his clothed ballsack to where the wet patch is constantly growing. “Like a slut. And expect me to not wanna fuck you silly.” He came under your hands. What was once a wet patch has now spread to his entire crotch. His moans loud and breath coming in short gasps. He’d never cum that hard even by himself.

“Aww. Would you look at that. Captain came in his undies for me. I barely had to touch you, baby.” He reached out his hands for you. “How about we take these off, so I can clean you up.”

“Shit, Y/n. You’re so sexy. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was about to cum, it happened so fast.” He said, thinking this is over.

“Language, baby.” You teased. “I’m just gonna see if I can get you all cleaned up.” You said, pulling his sweatpants down with this briefs and looking at all the creamy cum covering his underwear, cock, and tops of his thighs. He apologized profusely, cock slowly going soft. “Oh, Stevie. Look at the mess you made. Is all this delicious cum for me, sweetie?” He leaned in, on his elbows, to watch you lick up the cum from his cock, and scoop the cum out of his underwear. “You taste so good for me.” His cock was quickly going hard all over again to his surprise, even though you figured that would happen. He’s a super soldier, after all. “Do you want me to suck my Captain’s cock?” You said, and he nodded frantically at you. You put one of his hands in your hair, showing him how to take control of your head. “Like this, okay. You push my head down to make me go faster down your cock. It’s okay, baby. I can take it.” You said before you put the tip in your mouth and sucked it hard. He immediately let out a loud moan at the new feeling.

He did just what you said, pushing your head down, and pulling it back up. Deeper and deeper until his cock was at the back of your throat, and your nose was deep in his pubic hair. You flattened your tongue under his cock and rolled his balls around in your hands until you felt him cum deep in your throat.

“Fuck. Y/n, shit. It’s so good. Your mouth is so good, baby. Fuck.” He cursed and moaned as you let him fuck your mouth a little more. But this time his cock didn’t even soften. He was still hard, which worked great for you, because were getting more and more horny.

“Do you wanna keep going Captain?” You asked, taking off all of your clothes. His hands immediately reached out to feel your breasts in his hands. You moaned at the feeling. So sensitive from all the foreplay and lack of attention.

“Yes, baby, please? Can we?” He said, pulling you into his lap, moaning at the feeling of your wet folds rubbing his cock.

You took this opportunity to really kiss him for the first time that night, and it took your breath away. He bit your bottom lip before shoving is tongue in your mouth and completely dominating the kiss. It was so much different from any kiss you ever had with Steve. His hands touched everywhere on your body he could reach. He gripped your ass cheek tightly and you moaned loudly.

“I need you inside me, Captain.” You moaned as you slid your fingers down to your hole, trying to prepare yourself a little for the large intrusion. He watched you in awe as you touched yourself right on top of his cock and wondered how he was lucky enough to end up with somebody as sexy as you. He pushed his fingers up, alongside yours, to help stretch you open so he could absolutely ruin you. Then all of a sudden he let go of you.

“Wait. Fuck. Red, Y/n. We need to stop.” You got off of him in an instant and sat to the side. No matter how badly you wanted him inside you, you knew this doesn’t work without trust, and he trusted you to stop when he gave the color.

“What’s wrong, baby? Did I move too fast? We can stop.” You said, out of breath. It broke his heart to feel like he was leaving you unsatisfied.

“I don’t have any condoms Y/N. We can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. But I can-“

“I’m on birth control, Steve.” You said, with a small smile on your face.

“Oh. Why? When did you start that?” He asked you. Still sitting on the bed, but not looking at you.

“About 3 months ago, after you asked me out. I wanted to be prepared for anytime you were ready.” And as soon as you finished talking, he was on top of you. Holding both of your hands up above your head, he kissed you as he nudged your legs open with his knees. He rubbed his cock along your dripping folds, bumping into your clit clumsily, making you moan.

“God, Steve please fuck me. I want it so bad. I wanna feel you, baby.” You cried out underneath him, and he entered you with one thrust. A little too quickly, making you hiss at the burn of his size stretching your walls.

“Shit sorry. Fuck. Y/n, you feel so goddamn good. Fuck. God, Fuck. And so- hggnnn- warm, shit. Baby, I’m about to cum-“ He kept chanting in your ear. His thrusts were sloppy and inconsistent, but he was so big, he was hitting every single spot inside of you- making you see stars. You were moaning as loud as he was. Not caring that your room was one of the closest to the common rooms or that the bed was hitting your wall loudly with each knock of his hips again yours. He let go of your hands to pull your thighs further up around his waist.

You felt him cum inside you with a shout that was loud enough to be a scream, and could hear the squelch of it mixing with your fluids in your pussy. He was gasping for air, and grabbing you tightly everywhere his hands could reach. He was moaning constantly and chanting your name like a song, but he never stopped thrusting.

“Baby, I need you to cum for me.” He said as he kept rocking into you, his hips developing more of an even pace after his 3rd orgasm. He shifted his hips slightly, and was at the perfect angle to hit your g-spot.

You put two of his fingers in your mouth and sucked on them, before you brought the hand down and used it to rub your clit. The added stimulation and him hitting your g-spot repeatedly had you clinching around him in no time. The feeling making him hit another peak as well.

“Fuck, Stevie, baby. I’m about to cum. Can you cum again for me, baby? Fill me up?” You said, trying to stretch this feeling as long as you could.

“Yeah, baby. I’m with you, y/n. Fuck.” He shouted again as he came. Your orgasm triggering his, and the feeling of his cum gushing out of you around his cock extending yours. “Goddamn.” He said as he laid down next to you- not pulling out, but just keeping you on top of him. The combined juices spilling out onto his abs, but he loved it. The whole room smelled like sex, and Steve was willing to bet the whole hall heard them.

“So, how was your first time?” You said, nervously looking into his eyes.

“It was absolutely amazing, Y/n. You’re so sexy. I don’t know why I waited that long, getting off in my hand, when I could’ve been having 4 orgasms a night with you.” He said, kissing you deeply.

“If you think you’re up for it, we could probably go for 5.” You said. Starting to sit up on his cock still inside you.

“Baby, I could do this all night.” He said, beginning to thrust up, until a loud knock at your door interrupted you.

“Like hell you can!” You heard Bucky’s voice from outside your door.

“Stop fucking like bunnies and go to sleep!” Sam joined in.

“I don’t know who told you the world was ending, but you don’t have to repopulate the entire earth in there!” Clint chimed in.

“You don’t even live here!” You yelled back at the door, giggling, while Steve looked like he wanted the bed to swallow him whole.

“And you two just made sure I’m never gonna. The whole compound smells like sex!”

“Oops.” You giggled, kissing your Captain deeply.

Tony was gonna have to sound proof your bedrooms.

~

 (if you wanna be added to my taglist, just ask)

@little-moonbeam-666 @mela-noche @wondergirl556 @iimaryam99 @anakinravageme @crzcorgi @andydre4m @austynparksandpizza @dracris33 @musicheaux @bl4ckglitt3r​ @hydrasbitches​ 

[irenedubrovna]

A post regarding Euphoria for the benefit of myself and basically no one else

So, it really bothers me when people say Euphoria is groundbreaking, progressive media. Here’s a dissection of why I don’t think it is, because this is what I feel like doing at work:

The character of Rue is objectively great. She by far receives the least overt sexualization, and is treated neutrally in terms of active sexuality. She’s treated like a normal teenage girl with mental issues and an addiction to drugs. She falls in love with a girl who she pines for and places on a pedestal. The reason I think she is written this way is because she is a Sam Levinson proxy. She written with gender ambiguity and with little regard to the experiences she’d go through as a black gay female, probably because Sam Levinson has no insight to that aspect of life. Her performance is heightened of course by Zendaya, who breathes unique life to the Sam Levinson’s artistic extension, and without her performance this show would not get even half the acclaim it gets. Attribute that to Zendaya of course, because the director has done little to deserve this acclaim.

The rest of the females, sans Lexi, are pornified to a disgusting extent, not only due to the fact that they are supposed to be underage, but also because their existence as people is treated as being absolutely secondary to their sexual appeal. They are foremost presented in terms of their relation to sex. Cassie, Maddy, Jules, and Kat cannot be removed from their sexuality without disrupting the plot or their journeys in relation to the plot. Why are the females so intrinsically linked to uber fetishized versions of female sexuality, or uber fetishized versions of blossoming female sexual identity?

Maddy is presented not only scantily clad 90 percent of the time, but also dressed in a precariously unattainable sexual fashion. At any given time she is styled to look straight out of, simultaneously, a high fashion editorial, and a “barely legal” porno. She is airheaded and profane, and promiscuous, her mannerisms dictated by the adult films she’s “studied” in order to project an image of perfect hyper sexual femininity. She’s complacent in becoming a prototypical housewife because it will earn her a comfortable place as a trophy wife. She has no aspirations beyond that. So, let’s unpack all of that. Maddy’s role in the show is mostly passive. The most active thing she does in the plot is revenge fuck a man in the pool of a party. Nearly everything else she does in the show that is plot relevant is of someone else’s volition. Even less of what she in the show is related to anything other than a man. She is abused and then pressured into framing another man for said abuse. She has no agency as a character. The only notable difference to this rule is when she takes drugs at a carnival, knocks a pot of chili over, and calls her ex’s mom a cunt. Removed from her active sexual life and carefully cultivated aesthetic, she’s a trite stereotype of an unambitious girlfriend who gets treated poorly. I see people call Maddy iconic, but if she wasn’t gorgeous and well dressed, I doubt anyone would even think twice about her, let alone create fancams and Instagram pages dedicated to her. She exists as a plot device, and as pretty set dressing to build up the shows aesthetic. Her emotions are not well explored, her motivations are sexist, and she is often there to be demeaned, objectified, or to say a bad word. The most damning part of her involvement in this show is her episode where it is stated that she, as a fourteen year old girl, lost her virginity to an adult man, and it is stated she was in control of the situation. This is a dangerous thing to say about a character, to any audience, but especially a young one. To imply that a precocious young girl was in control during her first sexual encounter with a much much older man implies things that frankly border on rape apologist ideology. This show states this unflinchingly and with no further elaboration. If there’s one thing that tells you that Euphoria is a bad show, let it be that. Also, if there’s one thing that tells you about Sam Levinson as a person, and the way he views girls and women, let it fucking be that.

Jules is a young trans girl. She also likes to have sex with men as a means to “conquer femininity”. Scratch that, she likes to have degrading sex with older men in order to “conquer femininity”. This mindset is shown to be toxic, of course, but I think the problem with this idea in general is that there’s no deeper exploration for what this mindset means. It implies that she believes women are the sum of their intrigue and degradations. This mindset I can only assume would be a cultivation of dysphoria and internalized misogyny, which this series is absolutely not prepared to address in a tactful manner. Jules is a teenager with mental illness, trauma, and is undergoing an identity crisis. There’s something powerful in her character, something worth saying, however we only get trimmings of those meaningful things, and are ultimately left with a hurtful depiction of a trans girl because all of her musings on womanhood and identity are incomplete, and they fail to reach beyond the surface of their thesis statement. She wears colorful clothing, is overtly feminine and artistic in her presentation. Everything about her screams insecurity over her own womanhood. That is the crux of her character. Now, I think we should ask ourselves, is trans person who is insecure about their identity peak representation? Is this what trans people deserve? Is it “groundbreaking “? If this show was run by someone else, I might be inclined to say that there’s nothing insidious about this, but this is the guy that made Assassination Nation, so I think we know what he thinks of young women, the way they should be portrayed (that is, for the capitulation of a man) and realize his inclusion of a trans woman in his cast is no more meaningful than the inclusion of any other woman. Women to him are made to be categorized and should, at the end of the day, be easily palatable for the capitulation of a man. The device of having Jules being interested in older men and rough sex for identity reasons is transparent. Trans women are exploited and objectified with a similar fervor to cis women, the caveat being that they are “a forbidden fruit” of sorts to straight men. Jules is sissified, her presentation fetishistic. Her role in the plot is more involved. Her relationship with Rue is sweet, though toxic on both sides. She is ultimately betrayed, blackmailed, and snowballs into something of a manic episode, all well portrayed by Hunter Schafer, but I don’t think her inclusion in the show absolves it of any of its many sins.

Let’s talk about Cassie. Cassie is the Eurocentric beauty standard exemplified. She is the blonde haired blue eyed girl next store, and her boobs are of course always on display. She is notably promiscuous, something I say right off the bat because that’s how she’s introduced, as a so called slut through the words of the devil (Nate Jacobs). She is a girl with daddy issues, which we are all familiar with at this point. Her sexual boundaries begin and end at the whim of her partner. The terms of her consent are much like the terms of consent of many young girls brainwashed by society and the rising tide of degradation porn: everything is alright as long as you provide them comfort and affirmation afterward. You can touch them roughly without asking, you can use them as a tool to affirm your masculinity. This is the way men prefer their women now: just broken enough to say yes to anything they want. It’s become a joke at this point. Men like girls with issues, but only the ones that will feed their own desires. Cassie Howard is meek. Her inclusion in the plot I suppose ties to themes of drug addiction and how it divides and destroys the people you love. It doesn’t show what it does to her beyond shaping her sexual encounters, which is no surprise. Overall I’d say Cassie is in this roster of females as the most traditional categorically, in relation to how men view women and further how they sexualize them. She has a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love her. That mostly what she does here. Gets used. Doesn’t drive the plot or conflict much. More pretty set dressing. More aesthetics. How this show consists of so many women but is driven so much by men is unsurprising, and, again, very enlightening in the grand scheme of things.

Lastly we touch on Kat. I’d like to begin with the fact that self actualization through sexual exploration, in a show run by a man, is just a cloak for a woman to gratify the audience with her sexuality. Regardless of whether or not she is plus sized, this is overt objectification. She is on this show to be sexy. Beyond that, the fact that a minor using sex work as a form of liberation is disgusting. Whether or not she is portrayed as “owning” her sexuality is negligible, and speaks to the same mindset discussed with Maddy. Minors cannot fucking consent to sex, sexual acts, or anything within the confines of such. It’s crazy that this occurs with two different characters in such a similar way. It has echoes of “Well, she looked older..” and “Well, she wanted it..” or “She’s advanced for her age”. Never, not once in the events of the series is there meaningful introspection on what doing this kind of thing does to a minor. Moreover, these acts are explicit, and made clearly for sexual gratification. None of these things are absolved by the fact that she’s plus sized. If anything, her body type is fetishized in this context. It’s also another case of a “good girl to bad girl” transformation, which are archaic and, of course, sexist. With the rise of adult websites targeting minors for explicit content, this is even more reprehensible. Once again, in terms of representation, is this really what speaks to you as progressive? Groundbreaking? A girl gains control of her own narrative by having sex with lots of men. She gains control by being sexy. She gains control by dehumanizing and objectifying herself. No she doesn’t. Media controlled by men will tell this story to you thousands of times, don’t listen because she’s bigger than a size four.

ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE UNDERAGE. ALL OF THEM HAVE EXPLICIT SEX SCENES, EVEN THE SEXUAL ASSAULT IS MADE CINEMATICALLY PORNIFIED. THESE SHOTS ARE MADE TO BE OBJECTIVELY SEXY. THIS IS NOT A CASE OF SOMEONE CREATING SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF REALISM. IT IS ABOUT MAKING SCENES THAT SPEAK TO A MALE AUDIENCE. THAT CATER TO THE MALE GAZE. ARGUE WITH THE WALL.

I won’t go further into the plot, other characters, or the structure or the episodes for sake of brevity, but I felt compelled to air my thoughts on this to the void. I can only hope I was critical enough that Sam Levinson will one day see this and cry because another bad feminist thinks something that he made sucks

[tharizdun-03]

Mawaru Penguindrum Review

Moving some of my Twitter threads over to Tumblr as well. This is one of them.

I recently finished Penguindrum, and while it definitely has its interesting ideas with plenty of potential, I sadly ended up thinking it was a disappointing mess. I want to try and sort out my thoughts on why that is in this post.

If you haven’t watched all of Penguindrum, beware that I will spoil the fuck out of it here.

Introduction

Let’s talk about the production side of things first. It’s a gorgeous-looking show, with a distinctly imaginative style, and charming character designs. As inventive as Ikuhara’s directing is, it’s never too busy.

His use of repetition (survival strategy, scene transitions, the crowd being cardboard cutouts, etc.) is great and really lends to the series carving its own identity. Yukari Hashimoto’s score is also fantastic, as expected. Absolutely no complaints there. Then we move on the characters.

Characters

Himari

For most of its run, Himari was mostly a plot device, I felt. Nothing really deeper to dig into, but by the climax, we actually got some genuine character stuff from Himari, showing how lost and isolated she is. It’s not amazing stuff, and definitely should’ve come sooner, but I appreciate the series finally giving me a reason to get invested in her. Something that did annoy me when it came to the presentation with Himari in the meta-space, is that she’s always in some state of undress, and as time went on, just got progressively more naked.

Even when other characters are with her in the meta-space, and they’re fully clothed, she’s still naked.

Maybe you can try and twist this into it being symbolic, cause Himari is exposing herself or something. I dunno, I can’t quite justify it, and even if I could, is it worth it? Is it worth undercutting the emotional power of a scene because Himari’s flashing her ass crack at me? I think it’s easier to just say it’s a fetish, and I’d rather it wasn’t there at all. A lot of the final episode consisted of me shouting at Himari stop undressing.

Talking about Himari, we might as well address her role in the final, where it turns out her favorite phrase, ”Let’s share the fruit of fate”, is the spell to activating the diary.

How does Ringo know this? Has she heard Himari say it? When have we ever heard Himari say this phrase? It’s certainly possible she’s said it once or twice in the show, I can’t possibly remember everything, but the show hasn’t really emphasized it, so it comes out of nowhere. But, also, it's Momoka's diary? Why would her spell be Himari's favourite phrase? I was told of a fan-theory, that Kanba, Shoma, Ringo, and Masako are reincarnations of Momoka, but none of this is explained in the show. In fact, the show instead states that the essence of Momoka lives within the two penguin hats Mario and Himari wear. So, it comes down to fan speculation to explain this, cause in the show it feels very random, which is indicative, that it’s just messy and didn’t work.

Shouma

Shouma was the character, who from the very start, felt like the most well-rounded one. But, his indecisiveness and general incompetence made it difficult to get really invested in him, cause he just ended up annoying me lol.

And when his issues with his parents were brought up, I was just kinda turned off altogether. I'm not against the idea of internalizing your parents' sins, but them being punished for their sins, it just didn’t make sense to me.

However, I do appreciate the series, once again, in the climax, giving him a more central role at the heart of the story, being Himari’s ”soulmate.” I don't think it added much, but it's something for him, which was needed.

Kanba

Kanba was, I’d say, probably, for the most part, the most engaging character for me, being more active since the very beginning (Shouma hadn’t gotten much to do for a large part of the early half of the story, and Himari hadn’t done shit, so didn’t have many to choose from).

But even with that, I always kinda got the impression that he was a bit of ass who kind of acted as if Himari was an object that belonged to him, which just devolved into pure, plain obsession, by the end. You know, how he kinda became the KIGA leader and orchestrated all those bombings and almost murdered Ringo? 

On top of that, Himari and Masako still sacrificed themselves for him (fake-deaths ofc, a running theme in this mess), and I just didn’t really feel like he was worth all these women sacrificing themselves for his sake after everything he's done, and it pissed me off. He was beyond redemption at this point for me, and yet by the end, both he and Shouma ended up sharing the same fate as if they’re equivalent (even though one of them lived their life selfishly and killed people and the other one, you know, didn’t), which was sealed when they shared that apple way back? Why have this fate forced upon them? It doesn’t vibe with me that the two of them should have to accept this punishment for something their parents did, something that happened when they were just kids. And it certainly didn’t help that while Kanba sacrificed himself to save Himari, Shouma sacrificed himself to save Ringo (but returned Kanba his part of the apple at least), and Shouma tells Ringo he loves her (but nothing to Himari which is a fucking crime).

I just felt that everyone needed to stop trying to hold onto Himari’s life and let her move on already. You have to accept that death is a natural part of life instead of trying to bend fate to your own selfishness.

What happened to the two brothers at the very end is up to your own interpretation. Whether they reincarnated again, or if they’re now some sort of trans-dimensional beings that have escaped the cycle. I got the impression of the latter personally.

Ringo

Ringo by far the most interesting and inventive character in the story, but represents a big issue with the character writing, that connects back to everyone else in the cast. Ringo has a big stretch in the first half of the series mostly focused on her, and it’s awful. Not even digging into the core ideas behind it, just the actual basic execution, it’s the same fucking recycled gags over and over again with her (the obsessiveness over an older man she has no right to, the theatrical presentation of the same fucked up fantasy scenarios she imagines, the abuse of Shouma, the world rightfully pushing back at her but her just doing even more depraved things in response over and over again). It just goes around in circles. It was a very difficult stretch of the show to get through, because as at that point, none of the other characters had really gotten too much interesting substance, so it meant that she was practically at the center of the narrative for a while, which meant that I was stuck with a delusional, manipulative stalker who’s also an attempted rapist.

Oh yes, cause let’s bring that up while we’re at it. Penguindrum does not do a good job of using rape as a narrative device. I mean, rape is always a dangerous topic to add to your story, as with the amount of real-life baggage it carries, it can just overshadow anything you wanted to say. And while, yes. Penguindrum does make it clear to me why it's choosing this, it's twice in the story that a main character has turned to rape as a solution, and it just makes it difficult for me to care for people that are capable of such evil. I haven’t forgiven Ringo for what she tried to do to Tabuki, for example. So, you can imagine how it was difficult for me to care when we were supposed to root for her in the second half of the story. A large part as to why I couldn’t bring myself to care for her afterward was because the execution just so badly mishandled the actual reality of rape, almost as if the series doesn't understand how grave of an action it actually is. Ringo never really got to grapple with what an irredeemable thing she was about to commit, and she also showed no signs of trauma from having been kidnapped, drugged, and raped herself (if it didn’t quite get that point, goddamn was it just a hair away from it). Also, Sho trying to stop them and stumbling around in a contrived and comedic fashion (which didn’t amount to anything) was just not appropriate during an attempted rape scene. Oh, speaking of Shouma, who by the way, doesn't even condemn Ringo for what she was about to do to Tabuki, but even defends her to Kanba, after the traffic accident.

Now, this digs into another major issue I have with the series (that I’ll revisit later), and that is its metaphorical nature, to the point that I can’t tell when the metaphors end and the real stuff begin. It affects every detail, from random odd moments, to big character arcs. Are these arcs meant to be so broad and divorced from basic logic because they’re not supposed to be literal, or are these characters just bad characters? Are the absurd actions some of them commit, like the two characters who attempt sexual assault, meant to be symbolic representations of literal actions, or am I being asked to sympathize with actual fucking rapists?

So yeah, the show not really forcing her to confront what she’s done made it difficult for me to buy into her redemption. What happens when she has Tabuki strapped and nude at the bed for her to do whatever she wishes (because apparently, the frog magic worked? It’s never addressed again)? Only then, after sexual assault, does she realize that this isn’t what she wants. 

And a bit later, Yuri makes Ringo realize that she was actually in love with Shouma? Oh, you mean the guy that she’s basically done nothing to but be abusive and doesn’t actually have any chemistry with whatsoever? Come on. Am I supposed to feel sad for her when she’s rejected by Shouma in EP 14 (ofc he tells her he loves her in the finale)?

It also doesn’t help that I was very annoyed that Kanba, and mostly Shouma, even followed along Ringo’s whims from the start. If my sister’s life depended on borrowing a book from some random person, I’d do it by force, and not follow along this crazy person’s conditions cause then ”maybe” she’ll let me borrow it for a bit.

Yuri

We talked about Yuri recently, let’s dig into her a bit more in-depth. Yes, she (attempts?) to rape Ringo, in a twisted attempt of basically lesbianizing Ringo so she’ll be more like her sister. It’s creative, I’ll give you that, Ikuhara. 

At first, I got the vibe from Yuri that maybe she was a hermaphrodite. You know, with the whole nobody’s seen the real here, and her Dad wanting to resculpt her into something beautiful? But, on further reflection, I think he just didn’t consider her beautiful because she wasn’t fully under his control and damaging her was a way of making her permanently his. 

But yeah, so here’s the thing, foreshadowing is an issue in this show. I’d be hard pressed to think you could figure out what would happen in the second cour from the first cour alone, they’re almost like two different shows, and this extends to Yuri. Given that there’s basically been no attention to Yuri’s attraction to Ringo in this way, and then it’s resolved pretty quickly and not focused on again either lol.

Tabuki

Tabuki's twist to evil, comic-book villain is also jarring. Like, I get it? He ties his self-worth to the first person who showed him it. And he finds kinship with Yuri, both were scarred by their parents who exerted far too much pressure on them, and both came to see themselves as disposable, but for both, Momoka showed them the value they couldn't, so they latched onto that, and when it was ripped away from them, they became bitter, self-loathing people who created this fake relationship around their shared connection to Momoka, and just want somebody to lash out at, they want scapegoats. 

But the execution doesn't help sell that as a compelling conflict to get emotionally invested in when it is so different from what Tabuki has acted like before, and he acts like such a basic, stereotypical superhero villain during his crazy episode. And then it’s just kinda resolved.

Masako

Masako, I was confused by. Cause her not being Kanba’s ex-girlfriend but actually, his sister felt like it came out of nowhere, you know, since all this happened.

Other than that, she was fine. Her backstory was very weird tho. Funny, but the metaphorical aspect of the show makes it difficult for me to know what I’m supposed to take literally cause are you telling me her grandfather comes back from the dead and possessed her little bother?

Also, kinda shoehorned conclusion for her, cause when did Kanba say that lol?

Sanetoshi

Sanetoshi, I was actually a bit disappointed by. I guess he more so functioned as a thematic tool, but we didn’t really get a motive as to why Sanetoshi loathes this world so much? Those boxes represented being forced by the rigidity of the world to conform to an inauthentic self, and I guess was that it? Just feel like if that was it, that theme should’ve been more prominent throughout the entire story. Also, he’s dead, so how does that work?

Momoka

Momoka also confused me. Cause, her in the penguin hat acts NOTHING like when she was a human, so what’s that about?

The Penguins

I really like the penguins. I find them genuinely funny in an effective manner I didn't expect. I’m not quite sure what the point of them are beyond that, or what they are really lol, but I’m kinda cool with not digging into that. I really like them.

The Metaphorical Storytelling

Yeah, so the metaphorical nature of the story troubles things in many ways, and there are just some examples of random moments that are confusing because of it. What was up with the frog curse working on Tabuki? How did Tabuki reach Himari all the way down there to save her?

What’s up with the child boiler? I assumed it was metaphorical, but Himari remembered by seeing the windmills, so is that the literal place or a metaphysical world with those literal features? What happened to the plot line of Mario’s penguin hat?

Ringo’s whole deal of being crazily obsessed in the first half, besides it showing how she wants to become Momoka, what does that plot line contribute to the larger picture? 

So, Kanba imagined all the convos with his parents at that restaurant, fine.But, he still got the money there? Are you telling me the organization just left their corpses there rotting for 16 years? Nobody noticed? Why have your transactions there? 

This character just popped up out of nowhere, stabbed Tabuki, left, and then was never addressed again lol.

Lots of fake deaths. Himari has had at least four, Shouma and Ringo at least two each, Tabuki, Kanba, Masako at least twice. We had several in just one episode sometimes. Even Momoka and Sanetoshi are technically dead but not really lol.

Conclusion

Overall, Penguindrum was a fascinating mess that just didn’t come together. Does it have some merit? Yes, of course, it does. It’s stylish and intellectually dense. Its main message, that you should reach out to an unwanted person and make them feel needed, give them love, is a great one.

Contrary to Sanetoshi’s ideology of the boxes restricting people into selfish cages, the power to reach outside that box and truly reach out to another person, that’s can change someone’s entire life, it can save someone. Love is the essence of this world, and it needs to be shared with others. I think that’s a lovely message! 

But, yes, as the show isn’t very cohesive, takes way too long to get to this point with its overcomplicated and haphazard presentation, mysteries that just kept being piled upon the other without giving me much back for trying to solve it until the very end, subplots that are kind of just dropped, themes about fate that didn’t vibe with me, and unlikeable characters with messy arcs, it didn’t really work for me.

But, at least it’s always more interesting to see people with genuine talent fail (which Ikuhara definitely has even if he didn’t use it to effect here imo) than some other mediocre isekai writer that didn’t even have something interesting in the first place? 

Ikuhara’s voice is still a unique one, and as this was my first work of his, I’m still hopeful that as I explore more of his works in the future, I end up finding one that speaks to me.

Score:

Original Twitter Thread: https://twitter.com/Tharizdun03/status/1558128850357198849?s=20&t=EFhraK5-tU99lC2bk2FoNA

[utterlyinevitable]

pb let me *redact* Tobias challenge 🥲

not me turning your tobias thirst asks into a 3-part mini series 😂🙈

Pairing: Ethan x F!MC (Becca Lao) x Tobias Carrick Rating: Teen+ Summary: Ethan’s still pissed at Becca for her Tobias stint when he was in the Amazon. What happens when the narcissist joins the team? Trope: Angst; Broke Up; Ethan’s POV; Fighting; Jealousy

A/N: the toxin plot didn’t happen in this universe btw.

Part 1  |  Part 2

___________________________

Godly Sins: 3. Parting Wrath of Hera

That evening Tobias and Becca spoke late into the night about anything and everything. Well, everything that didn’t involve Ethan, June and hospital drama, nor their two brief wanton stints - truly getting to know one another and starting fresh.

As days and shifts and weekends rolled by, the sparkle they’ve shared began blooming into a friendship.

It was rather inevitable, really.

Two people who shared an indubitable attraction, forced to spend all their time together out of their boss’ sight - It was kismet.

Meanwhile, Ethan Ramsey had been ignoring them both for weeks outside of Diagnostic Team mandated functions - even then, interactions were brief and mediated by Harper. He’s been on edge since Tobias joined the team as Bloom’s nark, presumably. Or at least that’s what he told himself - convinced himself that nothing good could come from whatever this was.

Oh, how things go horribly, horribly sour.

Becca was sitting in the office waiting for the daily Diagnostics Team meeting to start, busying herself by scrolling through social media over eleven times in the last five minutes.

Steps away, Ethan sat at his desk, keeping a cold shoulder and looking over files he purposely keeps on his desk for awkward times just as these. The air between them stiff and stale, as heavy as it was months ago when they had their falling out. They should have acclimated to the unrelenting suffocation of being left alone together - the third shadow accompanying whatever was left of them.

But they hadn’t. Never really could once she realized Ethan would never forgive her for forming a survivalistic attachment to his biggest adversary. Rebecca Lao wasn’t going to let a man’s misplaced pride stifle her. So, she refuses to stroke his ego by hiding - even through the rancor of being alone with him, and the twangs that erupt when they’re this close. She’s not going to idly hover outside, biding time until Harper or Tobias or Naveen or a nurse, or anyone else enters the office first. She’ll sit and she’ll wait for work to begin.

And Ethan Ramsey will sit at his desk and pretend she’s not there. He’ll pretend he can’t smell her perfume, or hear the tapping of her nails to her phone or the heel to the floor as her leg jitters. He’ll pretend she’s nothing more than a ghost of the past lingering in the cornerstone of his conscious, like all the others. He’ll convince himself he’s angled away from her just enough to keep a peripheral eye on the door in case there’s an emergency, even if that line of vision is really just of her.

If Tobias noticed Ethan staring blankly ahead, he didn’t dare attempt to feign interest. The olive-skinned addition sauntered straight over to Becca, hands full and a thin, satisfied smile at home on his lips.

He set down a large coffee and sandwich wrapped in white paper in front of her. Ethan could just about read the stickered logo from where he sat. But he could see the undoubtable way Becca’s eyes lit up.  

“Is this from...”

“The one and only,” Tobias had a cheeky grin - a kind of unbridled simper.

“That was fast.”

“Said I’d buy you breakfast, and I did.” He pulled out the chair closest to her and sat with his signature nonchalant grace. “Did you think I’m not a man of my word?” His hand was waving, palm up, towards the small feast before her.

“More like a flubber.”

Becca’s playful tone matched his in the most complimentary way.

Ethan caught the shining smile they shared - one that could only indicate an inside joke. One that could only mean they were spending too much time together. One that could only mean they were getting along.

Then Tobias plucked a strip of bacon off her sandwich.

And that was when something snapped in Dr. Ramsey.

They weren’t meant to be comfortable. They’re meant to suffer. That was the whole point of constantly pairing them together. These two flawed and moralless people were meant to be a punishment. Just for a while. Just until...

They made a house out of crushed stones.

They flipped the script on how this was meant to play out, and Ethan vehemently resented them for it.

As soon as Harper entered the office, Ethan bolted to his feet and rattled through the meeting. Swift, succinct and blinded by the need to be alone. Alone to plot what comes next.

He was gruffer with them for the rest of the day, and this time they noticed. The scorn seeped through Ethan’s characteristic distain like nuclear waste. Neither Becca or Tobias were guilty of whatever Ethan was holding them accountable for this time - a scapegoat for his repressed feelings. Then why did Becca feel guilty? She did nothing wrong - then or now. This is a natural progression to the seeds he sowed by banishing them.

Ethan will just have to live with the consequences.  

***

The consequences came two weeks later. Powerful and damning and freezing Ethan in place, right in the middle of his office. Right in front of them. 

Tobias and Becca were perched on the diagnostics’ couch. Becca’s hand is in his and he’s rubbing gentle circles of adoration to the soft skin. He didn’t stop his ministrations as the air around them, once a glorious heated serenity, now turned icy. The chill wafting through with the large presence of their past.

“I don’t want to know,” he grumbles as he pulls himself out of his stupor and storms towards his desk.

The words of her off-handed response were as hard as a lingering look into Medusa’s eyes. “Yes you do, Ethan. So ask.”

The contempt. The exasperation. The overall vile irksome in her tone… It was baiting him. She was baiting him to lose his temper. To acknowledge it all. Ethan didn’t mean to say his inner thoughts out loud, didn’t mean to revert on the divine separation he’s put between them all. And he certainly didn’t mean for her to mistake this moment as an olive branch. However decrepit it is. 

Ethan didn’t ask. Just shakes his head and tries to fall back into his ignorance. 

He hears the creak of the couch as the pair stand up and the shuffling of two people moving as one. Ethan’s trying so hard not to watch them - trying not to assess their every move and read too much into it. The pair move towards the door when he speaks -

An authoritative statement pegged directly at her. Eyes devoid of feeling, blue irises creeping down the Marianas trench.

“It is unethical to be involved with a colleague.”

Ethan Ramsey was foolish. Especially so to believe he could have the last word - the last victory of battle in the war he started. For Rebecca spun around with such purpose, the skirt of her dress catching on the wind. Her hands at her sides balling, sharp nails grazing palms.

A rueful snort escapes her, “Thought it was only unethical if there’s a power imbalance?”

She had him there. With the forced team democracy Tobias wasn’t technically a superior. Never mind that they aren’t together. Not really.

If he was a better man, Tobias would intervene and set the record straight. He’d position himself in the five feet between these two Edenbrook legacies instead of behind her. Watching. Decoding every tell tale in the tableau.

The way they were glaring at one another, well... The suspicion that floated as his reasoning to send the basket all those months ago was more than confirmed. And Tobias Carrick just realized what he’s just gotten himself into.

“There will be no fraternizing within my team,” Ethan’s voice strained to keep calm. Tried not to bellow the rule he’s kept in place when it comes to Rebecca Lao. His ears beginning to redden and the vein of his neck protruding. 

Becca huffed a dry laugh, folded her arms across her chest and looked away. Towards Tobias.

In a few seconds many things happened. Becca’s eyes locked on Tobias, shooting him a look that could only mean one thing. Tobias smiled just for her. Ethan’s heart shattered. And Becca turned back to Ethan.

Her once copper eyes now almost entirely black. “Define fraternizing.”

That had Ethan sputtering and Tobias’ sly smile broadening.

“Because friendship is one thing,” she continued. “Sexual intercourse, another.”

That got a rise out of both men for very different reasons.

“Either way, the nature of my relationship with Tobias is none of your concern.”

They’re staring one another down. His sapphire eyes darker than she’s ever seen - all the hurt they’ve caused one another swirling between. Becca can feel the regret in the tension of his shoulders and the stiffness of his jaw. But for what, she doesn’t know - doesn’t want to. The longer she stands here, looking at him for the first time in months, she fears she’ll see every facet of pain she’s caused, and every reason to back down. And that’s too much to bear. Even after it all there’s still a part of her that loves him, always will. 

She’s strong as stone before him, refusing to waver.

Tobias itches to say something, anything. Something that wouldn’t just cut through the tension... 

“If it makes you feel better we’ll disclose to HR.”

Ethan’s neck could have snapped with the force of the swiftness as his head whipped towards his rival. Eyes narrowed and sizing Tobias up - decoding every subtext of the phrase. Every little bit of their unknown closeness. 

With his steely gaze stuck on Tobias, Becca found the strength to pull away. Turned her back on Ethan and began walking out - not a single glance thrown back over her shoulder for either man. Tobias less than half a step behind her. Leaving Ethan with one final look. 

As Ethan watched them walk out, he deflates. A knife stabbed straight to the heart he wasn’t sure he still had. Red blood that beat because of her. 

For her. 

Still.

***BONUS POV***

As soon as they were out of earshot, down the corridor and away from any lingering ears, Tobias spoke; 

“Ever going to tell me what happened between you and Ramsey?”

“A mistake, apparently.”

He squeezed her hand and that’s all that was said on the subject.      

______________________

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[aitarose]

THORNS | AZULA

PAIRING: Azula x Reader x Zuko [fem]

PLOT: Though Azula always said that she’s never believed in love, she failed to stop herself from falling head over heels for her brother’s betrothed. companion piece to roses; based on these requests by anons

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, unrequited love, mutual pining, somewhat friends to lovers

WORD COUNT: 5.3k

A/N: this connects to the events that occur in roses. this piece can be read as a standalone, but roses gives more detail to the reader’s feelings and relationship with zuko

ALT. END: Blossoms | ZUKO’S POV: Roses

WRITER’S ANALYSIS: Here

MY MASTERLIST

thorns : a symbol of sinful thoughts, extreme sorrow, and hardships. when paired with a rose, denotes both pain and pleasure in the sense of love.

Year one, day one.

Azula slammed her hands onto the skin of her face, repeatedly making contact with her dry cheeks. She let out a deafening scream of anger, punching the wall next to her, leaving a dark black mark in its wake.

She’d been in her room for less than three hours and she was already going mad with boredom. 

The princess huffed, plopping herself down onto the twin-sized bed that was nestled in the corner of her so-called suite. 

She knew that Zuzu had done his best to give her the best commodities the Fire Nation could offer, but her former people weren’t exactly jumping to meet her pretentious living standards. 

Which was actually something that Azula somewhat understood. She knew deep down that what she had done was wrong—trying to kill the Avatar, trying to kill her mom, kidnapping the nation’s children, the whole gist. 

She’d done bad things, some really bad things in her past, but that’s all that it was—her past. Azula wanted to get better, she wanted to be better for not only Zuko, but for herself.

So she and her brother had devised a plan. A plan that would, in its entirety, take five years to complete. 

Zuko was giving Azula half a decade to prove to him that she could be good, truly good. Which to most would seem like quite a bit of time, but for Azula, she didn’t know if it would be enough.

She wrapped her arms around herself, warming her ice cold shoulders. Azula hadn’t been alone with her thoughts for this long in a while—and if she was being honest, there was nothing that scared her more than her own mind. 

“Princess?” She jumped, startled by the frail voice calling from the opposite side of her door. Azula hastily marched to the entrance, yanking it open in annoyance at whomever was bothering her chosen isolation.

Standing before her was a girl about her age, she couldn’t have been older than eighteen. She was holding a tray with various Fire Nation delicacies stacked on top of one another, steaming with heat and the kitchen’s aroma.

Azula rolled her eyes at the sight she was seeing. Of course Zuko had ordered for her to have a late dinner, he’d most likely been preoccupied with all of his new and earned Fire Lord duties.

“Come inside, peasant.” Azula gestured to the small dining table in the center of her confinement. She pulled out a chair for herself and expectantly looked at her companion with the expectation that she’d serve her. 

The other girl hustled, quickly placing the princess’s meal on the placemat and taking the seat opposite to her. She laced her hands together, her fingers tapping the wood nervously.

Azula threw her palms flat on the table. “What are you doing?” She questioned, interrogating her helper, who was cowering in her seat. “Does my brother expect you to monitor my meals? What damage could I possibly do with this slob? Start a food fight in the palace?”

Her uninvited guest took a deep breath, seemingly focusing her stress and fear into the idea of feeling zen. She swallowed hard, her gaze on Azula evolving from anxiety to empathy.

“Actually,” she trailed off, her lips rising into a thin smile. She looked into Azula’s golden eyes, searching for any signs of discomfort or rising anger. “The Fire Lord didn’t send me here, his advisors did.”

“The council knows that your brother has a soft spot for you.” She explained, watching as Azula slightly nodded her head along to her words. “Spirits, everyone knows that when it comes to you, he has no reason.”

“I’m only here to monitor and report your progress.” Azula scoffed at the thought of her father’s old council dictating the direction of her own life, but at least they’d sent someone she could relate to. A girl that she could actually form a conversation with.

A scowl flashed across Azula’s face as the admissions her companion had stated ran through her mind. No matter, at least she had some entertainment now.

“Do you have a name?” Azula asked pointedly as she began to pick at her meal. “Or should I just call you ‘Servant’, like I do with all of the others?”

The girl lightly laughed at the unintentional joke, finding humor in the thought of being stuck with the princess as nothing but her worker. She shook her head, smiling slightly, before responding.

“You can call me Y/N.”

Year one, day ninety-four.

“You’re late.”

Azula crossed her arms over her chest, huffing loudly as she attempted to seem angered by her new friend’s timing. She’d become well accustomed to the daily routine they’d developed over the past months.

Seeing Y/N was honestly the highlight of Azula’s day.

She’d never verbally admit that she enjoyed the kind girl’s company. That she felt refreshed by her positive and warm nature, that she relished in the judgement free outlook that Y/N had on life.

And Azula would never mentally admit to herself, that she may have developed unwanted feelings for her friend. 

She always told herself that love wasn’t real. After witnessing the so-called love her mother and father had shared first hand, Azula wasn’t necessarily looking forward to potential love in her future.

No matter who she was involved with.

“Sorry about that Azula.” Y/N hustled through the doorway, her hair tangled and dusted with dirt particles. She had a large scratch on her right cheek, most likely self inflicted. Y/N was clumsy like that.

Azula let out a short laugh. Taking in the appearance of her crush. She even makes dirt look good.

“I was running on time, but then I saw this adorable booth in the market and I just had to make a stop.” Y/N rambled, waving her hands in the air in exaggeration. Her cheeks were flushed red from her sprint through town, resembling the color of a blooming rose.

“As if it matters to me.” Azula shrugged nonchalantly in her best attempt to seem as if she didn’t care about her friend’s dilemma.

As if she didn’t care about every second of her day. As if Y/N’s overall excitement wasn’t the only thing that truly kept Azula going nowadays.

Y/N brushed off Azula’s feigned disinterest as if it was nothing. It wasn’t uncommon for the princess to ignore her daily shenanigans. Most of the time, she felt as if Azula didn’t even listen to anything she said.

Which Y/N had quickly realized not even weeks into their meetings, really really hurt her. It hurt her heart that Azula didn’t care, that she didn’t matter in her eyes.

In their time together, Y/N had developed inklings of feelings for the firebender as well. Feelings that she had come to internalize and push aside.

After all, it wasn’t her job to fall in love with her client. Her job was to help Azula learn to love her own people, to help her gain the love of her people.

“Well, Azula.” Y/N stumbled towards her friend, accidentally tripping over her own feet in embarrassment. She proceeded to hold out a single flower not yet in bloom. 

“This is what the vendor was selling.” She smiled warmly, letting Azula take the flower into her own hands. “It caught my eye, because it reminded me of you.”

Azula studied her gift. It was a red rose, the shade being so vibrant it could be compared to her brother’s firebending. The stem was thin, yet covered in thorns of various sizes. They prickled Azula’s fingers, puncturing her callouses. 

As she gazed at the budding rose, Azula realized how fitting the gift was to her. She had never been the kind of girl who longed for bouquets and sweets, but when coming from the right person, perhaps she was. 

Whilst she struggled to come up with a reply to her friend’s kindness, Y/N mentally applauded herself. She’d finally found a way to make Azula speechless.

“It’s not terrible, I suppose.” Azula threw the flower to the ground, lightly kicking it away from her with her right foot. She turned away from Y/N, not bothering to see the heartbroken look on her crush’s face.

“I’m sure that garbage was all you could afford anyways.”

Azula cringed as she heard the door close lightly. Her eyes were rimmed with tears, realizing that even while upset, Y/N would never respond to her own awfulness with anger.

She felt herself collapse, her knees buckling beneath her. Soft sobs escaped her lips, silent cries filling the hollow room. 

The sorrow-filled girl looked up from her lap with tear-filled eyes. Azula could see the faint outline of the young rose beside her. As she lifted the thorn covered flower with careful hands, she saw what Y/N had meant with the gift.

That Azula was dreadful and hurtful to others on the outside, but when encouraged and supported, she could become something beautiful.

Someone that could one day be compared to the beauty that was of a blooming rose.

As she sat alone, staring at the budding rose in her palms, Azula realized that she would only be able to become that person with the help of Y/N. She was the only person that had even come close to seeing her for who she truly was.

The only person who would think of giving a gift such as this to the princess of the Fire Nation. The only person who Azula had ever come to feel true and honest love towards. 

Azula had to become better. Not only for herself and Zuko—but for Y/N.

Year two, day one-hundred and six.

“Can I ask you something serious?”

Y/N rolled over to face Azula on her side, resting her elbow beneath her chin. She tilted her head while scrunching her nose in thought.

Azula was laying beside her, staring up at the dark vaulted ceiling. She’d been allowed to move back into her old bedroom at the palace with Zuko and his advisor’s permission, after they’d been informed of all of her progress with Y/N.

It was a room where Azula had never truly been comfortable in when she was younger, she used to feel so alone in the spacious and empty bedroom—but with Y/N’s company, she hadn’t felt alone in years. 

“That depends,” Azula responded, crossing her arms over her chest. She frowned, taking a moment to consider what Y/N could possibly ask her. “What is this serious question that you’re deliberating?”

Y/N dropped the arm that was supporting her upper body, allowing herself to fall back onto the soft red carpet. She stretched her arms out, nearly hitting Azula in the process before mimicking her friend’s position.

She let out a deep sigh as she closed her eyes tight. Her heartbeat raced in her chest, preparing herself for whatever reaction Azula could possibly have to her curiosity.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Azula nearly choked on air at the sound of Y/N’s words. She had to physically stop herself from bolting upright and leaving the room, before whipping her head around to give her crush a look of confusion.

“Love?” Azula cringed, pushing the thought of the emotion to the very depths of her mind. “That’s what you really wanted to ask me? If I’ve known love?”

The firebender could faintly see Y/N’s head nod in the darkness surrounding them. She lit a single flame from the tip of her pointer finger to get a better glimpse of Y/N’s beautiful face.

She could see the stress in her eyes—spirits, Azula could feel the anxiety rippling off of Y/N’s body in waves. She didn’t know why a question like this could possibly affect her companion in the way it was now. 

She didn’t know why it was affecting her in the exact same way.

“My parents were my only example of love when I was a child.” Azula shared, trusting Y/N with the inner secrets that she’d never verbally spoken before. “My mother left before I knew she even cared for me, and my father..”

Azula trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence. Y/N pursed her lips at the princess’ silence, taking her shaking hand into her own soft palm. She rubbed her fingers against Azula’s, doing her best to comfort her during her confrontation with her past trauma.

“My father was a monster.” Azula grimaced, basking in the feeling of Y/N’s touch. The feeling of being so close, yet so far from the girl she was painfully in love with. “Their love wasn’t real, and I fear I’m so similar to my father that it’ll never be real for me either.”

Y/N gasped in disbelief. “Love is for anyone, ‘Zula. You just need to believe that one day, it’ll find you when you least expect it.”

Azula shook her head, refusing to face the fact that she had her love right in front of her. Someone who would care for her and understand her throughout all of her outbreaks and dilemmas. Someone that would choose her everyday, as long as she’d let her. 

“That’s unfortunate then.” Azula pried her hand from Y/N’s, shivering at the overwhelming feeling of emptiness. “Because I don’t believe in love.”

With that, Y/N was speechless. She’d expected something from Azula. Anything to affirm her suspicions that her crush was in love with her as well—but all she’d gotten in return was an answer even worse than rejection.

Azula groaned, sitting up from the floor and tucking her knees into her chest. “What about you? Have you ever been in love?”

Y/N took a minute to contemplate what she had asked. Azula mentally counted down the seconds of silence that followed her out-of-character question. 

“I think that I have.” Y/N pondered, lacing her own fingers together over her stomach. “But lately I’ve realized that they’ll never feel the same.”

“It’s about time that I move on, isn’t it?”

Azula barely heard the last words Y/N whispered under her breath. Her voice was so faint, it sounded like nothing but an echo in the void. She could tell that Y/N was frowning, but Azula had no idea how to make her smile.

And words couldn’t describe how much Azula loved her smile. There was nothing that she loved more to see. That bright, beaming grin and the gorgeous girl behind it—that girl always being Y/N.

Year three, day eighty-seven.

Azula stretched her arms above her head, the bright sun radiating beams of light around her. She felt a genuine grin spread across her face, brightening her features with honest happiness.

She’d just recently been given the privilege to roam the palace ground freely, and had chosen to spend every single day of the past week in the garden courtyard.

Being surrounded by the tall cherry blossom trees, the whistling birds, and the frail little turtle ducks gave Azula a sense of nostalgia that she never knew she had missed.

She used to shun the memories and longings of her past friends and family members, refusing to accept the fact that she had been the true problem in their relationship troubles. That she had caused all of their strife. 

But now, with the new idea of freedom on Azula’s mind, she finally understood how terrible she’d been. How unfairly she’d treated her peers and the people who had offered her guidance. She vowed to herself to never become that person again, that monster.

“Enjoying the warm weather?” Y/N called from the entrance of the courtyard, a large picnic basket in hand. 

Azula spun to face her friend, laughing at the sight of the mess Y/N had brought with her. She ran over to the girl, instantly taking a hold of the supplies she’d been lugging around with her.

Y/N smiled at Azula, overwhelmed with joy at the sight of her unprovoked helpfulness. She walked with the firebender, taking a seat in their usual spot under the largest pink tree.

She and Azula had grown in indescribable ways in the past years of knowing each other. They’d gone from nothing but strangers, to somewhat friends, and now best friends. 

Azula knew in her heart that Y/N was the only person who was real in her life. The only one who knew her in a way where she didn’t automatically shy away from the boldness and arguably maniacal tendencies Azula had.

She knew that if she ever really had a chance at love, it was with Y/N.

Which was the reason why today was so special for Azula. It was the day that she was planning to finally confess and accept the undeniable love and adoration that she held for Y/N.

“I hope you brought actual food,” Azula ripped off the lid of the basket, peering inside to find all of her favorite desserts made by the kitchen staff. She stuck her hand inside, grabbing a small fruit tart covered in bright red frosting.

“This is so much better than that garbage you gave me the first day we met.”

Y/N bursted out laughing, clutching her chest as her teeth sparkled in the sunlight. She scoffed, stealing the tart out of Azula’s hand, before taking a bite of it herself.

“Sorry, your majesty.” She rolled her eyes in amusement, giggling at Azula’s reaction to her thievery. “I wasn’t exactly allowed to choose what the Princess of the Fire Nation could eat.”

Azula smirked, shooting a short line of fire towards the delicacy in Y/N’s palm, scorching the remainder of the tart and obliterating it to ashes. “Don’t steal my food.”

Y/N blew the dust off of her lap, shaking down her body before smacking Azula’s shoulder. “Well, don’t set my food on fire.”

The two girls glared at each other, refusing to break eye contact in an unspoken staring contest. Y/N struggled to match Azula’s stone cold gaze, blinking hard before being overcome with a fit of giggles. 

Azula felt her cheeks flush red as her crush’s head fell into her lap. She gazed down on the hysterical girl, holding her cheeks between her hands. Before she could speak, Azula saw someone standing in the corner of her eye.

She looked up to find her Fire Lord brother shyly waving at them, one hand raised in the air while the other disappeared in the pockets of his grand robes. 

Her relationship with Zuko had greatly improved since the beginning of their arrangement. While she used to loathe the sight of his scarred face, now she had grown to find comfort in it. They’d finally become the family they should’ve always been.

“Zuzu?” Azula called out, confused as to why her brother was interrupting her time with Y/N. In all the time she’d spent with Zuko, he’d never been around when Y/N was there. “What is it that you need, brother?”

Zuko shrugged, now stuffing both hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels. He stuttered for a moment before pointing at Y/N, who’d just now noticed the prince standing at the distance.

“I need to speak with Y/N,” Zuko slightly chuckled, biting his lip as he tried to suppress a grin. “I have some business that we need to cover, it’ll only take a second.”

Azula had never seen Y/N move so quickly. Her friend was there for one minute and then the next thing she knew, her lap was empty—barren from the feeling of warmth and belonging she’d felt seconds before.

She watched in confusion as Y/N stood before Zuko. Her brother and her crush spoke at a comfortable distance, not too close, but also not far enough. Azula wrinkled her nose in disgust as she saw him ruffle Y/N’s hair, an act that she thought was only reserved for her.

They continued conversing, their voices too faint for Azula to hear. As the ‘deliberation’ concluded, she sighed seeing Y/N turn away from Zuko—only to see him take ahold of her forearm, pulling her close to his body.

Zuko took one of Y/N’s hands in his, before finally revealing what he’d been hiding beneath his robes the entire time. 

He offered Y/N a rose, a somewhat crumpled rose, but a rose nonetheless. It was a soft shade of orange, the petals oozing the same effect as Zuko’s flames. Even Azula could admit that it was beautiful, more beautiful than any flower she’d ever come across.

Azula frowned at the sight of her crush’s red cheeks. Why doesn’t Y/N have that reaction to her compliments anymore?

The princess internally gagged as Y/n reached up to wrap her arms around Zuko’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug before pressing a light kiss to his cheek. She waved a quick goodbye to him and skipped towards Azula, tripping over countless stones on her way back.

She plopped down onto the ground, delicately holding the large rose in her hands. Azula noticed the smooth stem of the flower, free of thorns and pain.

“I see you and my brother have quite a bit of explaining to do.” Azula deadpanned, dreading to hear what Y/N could possibly have to say about the kiss she shared with Zuko. 

Y/N huffed out a puff of air, pushing away the loose strands of hair that were blowing around her forehead. She sat back against the cherry blossom tree, a lovestruck grin stretched across her face. 

“I’d meant to tell you earlier, ‘Zula.” She explained, twiddling the rose between her fingers. “A lot earlier actually—months ago, even.”

“Zuko and I ran into each other on my way to your room one day, and we just really clicked.”

Y/N felt her heart pounding in her chest, not from nerves but from the love that she felt for the kind Fire Lord. “We’ve been seeing each other since then and I think it’s going really well.”

“I think I’m in love with him.”

Azula felt her heart drop in that moment. She’d been anticipating a confession for the entirety of the day, though that confession was not the one she’d had in mind. 

Heartbreak was an unfamiliar feeling for Azula. Sure, she’d felt loneliness and emptiness before, but never this. She’d never known the true and utter despair of losing the one that you love to someone else. Someone that is undeniably better in every way.

Azula knew she’d never shine in comparison to Zuko in this new world—but she had thought that she was the diamond to Zuko’s rock in Y/N’s eyes.

But perhaps she was nothing more than a friend in the eyes of Y/N.

Year four, day two-hundred and two.

“I have news!” Y/N sprinted down the beach, sand flying everywhere as she giddily ran towards Azula. “Big big news that you’ll love to know!”

Azula raised an eyebrow at Y/N’s natural chaos, she’d never seen her so utterly unruly and dismantled. What could possibly cause her to act this way?

By the time she reached the seashore, Y/N was out of breath. She collapsed onto the sand, shrieking as the tide came in and brushed against her bare feet.

“Calm down, crazy! Don’t get that debris all over my new swimsuit!” Azula shouted, confused by how jumpy she was acting.

The only other time Y/N had come close to acting this way was when she and Azula had gone to see the famous play rights in the Fire Nation colonies, and ended up laughing at all of the ridiculousness they displayed.

“Sorry, sorry!” Y/N laughed, shaking the sand out of her clothes and hair. The state of being she was in reminded her of their early days together. Specifically the day Y/N had given Azula her favorite gift ever.

The budding rose covered in thorns.

“I’m just so excited.” Y/N went on and on describing her joy, her hands were waving in the air dramatically gesturing here and there to absolutely nothing. Azula wasn’t even listening to whatever she was saying, just admiring how pretty she looked in the sun.

“Take a breath, it’s not like we don’t have all day.” Azula chimed in, stopping Y/N from completely combusting with energy. She patted the seat next to her, nodding in approval as the girl she loved gladly took the spot.

Y/N wrapped her arms around Azula’s waist, laying on the towel beside her. She hummed in content at the platonic gesture she was showing her friend. Azula however was racing at Y/N’s touch, confused by the intimacy of it all.

Azula shrugged off her feelings, instead choosing to trace circles over Y/N’s back. Easing the girl out of her excitement and into a state of quietness and relaxation. 

Silence overtook the two girls, the only sound being the splashing waves upon the nation’s coast. Azula stared blankly at the soft currents, seeing them rise and fall over the shoreline. She wished she could come and go like them.

That way she wouldn’t have to witness first hand the love between Y/N and Zuko. The love between the girl she saw as her soulmate and her own brother.

“Zuko proposed.” Y/N whispered, an unintentional smile gracing her lips. The unconditional love she felt for him was so visible, the perfect stranger would be able to pick up on it. “And I said yes.”

Azula swallowed hard, feeling tears prickling the corners of her eyes. She let the waterworks drip down her cheeks, feeling like a run down battery with no energy left to hide her sadness. 

Y/N sat up, startled by the sparse water droplets hitting the back of her neck. She gasped, concerned by Azula’s obviously helpless emotional state. She reached up, taking Azula’s face in her hands while wiping her tears away.

“What’s wrong?” She asked in concern, doing her best to comfort the crying girl. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against Azula’s in an attempt to hold her close. “It’s alright, ‘Zula. You can tell me anything.”

“You know that I’m always here for you.”

In the storm of confusion and sadness that was raging in Azula’s mind, she did the one thing that she had promised herself she’d never do. She followed through with her own selfish wish of jeopardizing Zuko and Y/N’s relationship.

Y/N’s eyes opened wide in shock as Azula’s lips touched her own. 

The firebender poured all of her emotions into the one-sided kiss, not realizing that Y/N was unresponsive. The latter girl was frozen in place, trying her best to process what was exactly happening in the moment.

She’d dreamt of this moment, the time where Azula would finally admit that she had feelings for her too—but she hadn’t had those dreams in years. Those dreams had ended once Azula had said that love wasn’t real.

As Azula pulled away, tears still dripping down her chin, Y/N had a look of bitterness on her face. Her normally beautiful and positive features were overcome with anger and distrust.

“Why would you do that?” She cried, her eyes turning bloodshot red. Y/N stood hastily, backing away from her friend, holding her hands in front of her to show that she didn’t want Azula following her. “You know you shouldn’t have done that.”

Azula screamed in frustration as she watched Y/N storm away back in the direction of the palace. She grabbed fist-fulls of sand, flinging them at the sea and shooting blasts of blue fire in the air. 

She had perhaps ruined the best friendship she’d had in her entire life. All because she couldn’t keep her love to herself. Her true and overwhelming love for Y/N.

Year five, the last day.

“Are you prepared, Princess Azula?”

Azula stared into the mirror in front of her, seeing nothing but a coward in her reflection. She nodded absentmindedly to the servant that was serving her, doing her hair, dressing her, whatever it was that servants do.

She ordered her to leave the room, wishing to be alone for the remainder of the time she had to herself. There was a big event today, the biggest in the entire Fire Nation.

It was the wedding of the Fire Lord and his bride-to-be.

Azula would be lying to herself if she said that she hadn’t been dreading this day ever since Y/N had told her about the engagement that day on the beach—for that was the last day she’d even spoken to Y/N.

The former best friends hadn’t seen each other in months. Not because they were too busy or forgetful, but because Azula was too embarrassed to contact the girl. She was ashamed of her actions and regretted them wholeheartedly.

After all that time in the dark, Azula was shocked that she’d gotten an invitation to their ceremony. She didn’t think they’d want her present after what she’d done.

But here she was, all dolled up to watch the woman she loved marry the man she’d always been jealous of. Zuko had their mother’s love, the honor she’d always wanted, and the person she was supposed to spend her life with.

Sure his life had been nothing but hard since the minute he was born, but in the end Zuko was the better one out of the two of them. He was the one who was truly deserving of all of the power and glory that was their birthright. 

Azula glared at herself in the mirror’s glass, remembering the last time she’d looked at her reflection in such a distraught mood. She shook her head at the memory, choosing instead to pull open the small drawer of her vanity.

Inside was a long and thin wooden box, locked with a golden pad. She took the necklace tucked into her dress and fit the key charm into the socket, twisting it open.

Her hands reached into the keepsake, carefully gripping the decaying rose from its hiding place.

For four years she’d had the gift, and in those four years Azula had managed to find help from the plantbenders of the swamp to discover a way to keep the rose alive. 

However she’d become careless after her falling out with Y/N, forgetting completely about the flower, only remembering its existence in that very moment.

She spun the flower in her palms, wincing at the prickling feeling of the small thorns on the side. The rose still hadn’t bloomed, she’d told the plantbenders that she preferred it that way no matter their interjections.

Azula wanted to have the gift exactly how Y/N had meant it for her, it was more meaningful that way.

Fire raced up the stem of the rose, encasing the wilting petals in flames. Azula watched intensely as the flower turned to nothing more than ash and dust, all that was left was the four thorns she’d chosen to spare.

She poured the little dust she had back into the box, locking it with her necklace before taking the thorns with her and out the door. She was running on a tight schedule and wouldn’t for the life of her, miss the wedding.

The ceremony had begun beautifully. Romantic music surrounded the guests, filling their ears with the selection of tunes that Zuko and Y/N had hand picked. Orange roses erupted from the vases and archways in the courtyard, reminding Azula of her fateful picnic with Y/N.

She clutched the thorns in her palm at the thought of her, telling herself that this was always meant to happen.

Y/N deserved someone like Zuko. Someone good and loving, someone who would never turn their back on her. She was deserving of the entire world, and Azula never would’ve been able to give that to her.

She wasn’t meant to have Y/N’s love. She’d always known that, and now it was just time for her to accept it, move on, and cut her ties. Her future was nearing, and her new sister-in-law was not a part of it. 

Perhaps this was a positive, a truly good thing to come from the constant struggle that she’d faced since childhood.

After all, she could finally leave her prison. Abandon her memories in replace of new ones where she wasn’t the fire princess, where she was simply Azula—just Azula.

TAGS: @practicallylivesonline @cherryskyies @shell-bells-ringding @xapham @mochminnie @lammello​ @bombardia​

[ren-c-leyn]

My WIP list

 So, I’ve realized I have completely neglected to do this, ever. As such, I’ve decided to create a post listing my current projects and their blurbs that explain what they���re about. It’ll be edited and stuff as I make progress or change projects, as I’m prone to shelving, restarting, or creating new WiPs on a whim.

 The working titles of the projects will be bolded beside where I currently am progress-wise. A synopsis will be below that, followed by what POV, tense, and who the narrator is, if applicable. Then, most of the major/more prominent characters will be listed below that.

 If you want to know more about a specific project or character, most of them have their own tags in my blog and you can search for them, or you can ask me questions about them anytime you feel like it. The ask box is always open, after all :D

Main WIP - The Plight of a Sparrow. Progress: Currently prepping book 1 for querying, editing book 2′s forth draft, and plotting book 3/prepping to start it.

 A high fantasy story with a twist. Sparrow used to be a quiet girl with a love of video games under a different name. Then, she died in an impossible way right after unlocking the last achievement in her favorite game. Reborn in the beautiful fantasy world of that game, she quickly realizes life here is not a game and the stakes couldn’t be higher. Cursed, burdened with a rare sought-after magic, and surrounded by dark secrets and plots she couldn’t even dream of, how can she survive, little alone make a difference, when she isn’t even the chosen hero of this world?

1st person, past tense, narrated from Sparrow’s point of view.

Characters - Sparrow, Raina, Hugh, Jalen, Claude, Hunter, Aaron, Mist, Erinus, and probably more that have yet to make an appearance.

The Firewalker - Progress: First draft completed! Letting it sit before beginning draft 2.

 A fantasy story following the after math of a holy war between two pantheons of gods. Two of the children of the mortals who fought it are now faced with their own struggles, trying to find a place in this new world and who they are. She’s an assassin, a killer, the exact opposite of what she ever wanted to become. In too deep to wash her hands of the blood, she decides to add to her list of sins for a chance at freedom and to follow in her father’s footsteps. He’s a mage, a descendant of the priests of the old gods, hunted and feared by all. Angry with his lot in life, he lashes out at the hunters, earning his title as a monster. Though, he secretly longs to reclaim a sense of belonging, of home and family, something he lost so long ago.... Both wish for something more, even if they don’t deserve it, even if getting it will cost them everything. When their paths cross, will they pull each other out of the darkness, or push each other further over the edge? Can they survive their combined enemies long enough to even find out?

Multiple POV first person, past tense, narrated in alternating chapters from both Thistle and Valerian’s point of views.

Characters - Thistle, Valerian, Anise, Talon, Sin

My Ancestor, My Enemy - Progress: Somewhere between a third and half way through the first draft. Currently on hiatus while I work on other projects and continue my ongoing struggle to finally pick an ending for it.

 A dark fantasy novel as told by the field journal of Lierin, a high-ranking elven Hunter tasked with finding one of her missing comrades, and eliminating the monsters he had been tasked with killing. Battling with her own identity, rage, and the strange creatures her ancestors created, Lierin must descend into more than one kind of darkness as she explores a ‘cursed’ cavern system. What horrors will she find in the depths of the caverns? What secrets did her ancestors leave behind? Can she save herself, little alone the other Hunter? Or will everything be lost to darkness?

 First person, past/present tense, told through the writings of Lierin’s journal.

 Characters - Lierin.

The Dragon’s Crown - Progress: rewriting the first draft of the script, planning/plotting, and practicing digital art so I can eventually be good enough to start working on the art assets.

 A fantasy visual novel following the misadventures of Ophelia the thief, a notorious criminal, after her latest job goes wrong. A pair of mercenaries help her out of it, but repaying her debt to them brings her past crashing back into her life. There’s just somethings she can’t seem to outrun, no matter how hard she tries. Some skeletons will never stay buried, some secrets will never stay secret. All the dark things are coming back to haunt her. Now she has to decide what to do about it. Face the sins of her family? Keep running? Save the kingdom her ancestors built? Condemn it? Try to become a better person, or sink deeper into the darkness? What of the people around her? Can she trust any of them? Should she trust any of them? And can they trust her?

First person, present tense, with some third person scenes, mostly narrated from Ophelia’s point of view.

Characters - Ophelia, Henrietta, Cyrus, Sky, Karma, Crow, and Reason.

Forgotten Gods - Progress: writing the first draft. Only a few chapters left until the end.  A fantasy novel set in a world where multiple pantheons of gods are not only real, but always vying for power and the attentions of the mortals. Silver left everything behind on a dark and uncertain night. Unable to return home, she scrambles desperately for a way forward when a strange being she doesn’t recognize offers her something she cannot refuse: the power to change her own fate. Kitan is a chosen champion of a popular sun goddess, but can’t figure out why. Why she saw a champion in him when no one else can seem to see any worth in him whatsoever. Why she won’t give him the guidance other Gods give their champions, only power and slivers of emotions to light his way. Reuven, an exiled elven hunter, is on a quest to find himself out in the wide world before he returns home. While retracing his mother’s steps, he finds so much more than he expected in the northern forests when he runs into two champions of the Gods: one with something to hide, and one who doesn’t know what they’re doing. What tangled webs have the Gods woven for these three unlikely friends? Can they survive the coming storm? Or will their fates consume them?

 Limited third person, past tense. Written in alternating chapters that follow each of the three main characters.

 Characters: Silver, Reuven, Kitan, Eternity, Corona, Cordial, and probably others that haven’t appeared yet.

The Shackles of Time - On going, check the page to see what chapters are available.

The Shackles of Time is a high fantasy story which will be updated here on tumblr roughly once a month or so. Perhaps a little more or less depending on how life goes.

In a world littered with the bones of ancient monsters of old, the ruins of civilizations risen and fallen, there are legendary halls where heroes gather to seek their fame and glory. Perhaps one of the most famous among their illustrious ranks is the Dawn Isle Guild, whose legendary, albeit mysterious, guild master has overcome many ruinous challenges before suddenly retiring.

But these are different times than the ones the previous generation faced. Quieter times. Gone are the ancient dragons that razed cities, and felled are the giants that collapsed mountains, banished is the Mad God. Yet, that does not stop brave souls from seeking new challenges to face. New foes to overcome. New adventures to be had. Three such hopefuls seek this path. While they come from different region, walked different roads, and all carry different reasons, their fates all collide beneath the ruins of a floating golden city at the gates of the Dawn Isle Guild.

What adventures await these three would be heroes, and are they prepared to face them? Only the Gods know….

Here is the post where I’ll be cataloging all of the chapters as I write them.

Characters: Night, Merle, Arlen, Cherrenth Glenn, Zephyr, Bramble, Wyndulin, Cassandra, and likely many more that will be introduced as I go along.

Orion’s Oblivion - Started first draft

 A Sci-fi/fantasy story. Orion was on a routine job, an easy one even. All he had to do was grab the guy, bring him back, collect his bounty, and that’d be the end of it. It would have been the end of it, except the small-fry criminal wasn’t the only one he picked up on that asteroid. He comes face to face with Jinx, an ancient vampire from a time all but forgotten, and she’s got unfinished business to settle. Business that she’s decided to drag him into, whether he wants to be or not. Business that she’s dragging the whole, damn universe into whether it likes it or not, because saving it is her business... no matter what the cost is.

 Will be written in first person from Orion’s point of view, not sure if I’ll be doing past or present tense yet.

 Characters: Jinx, Spark, Orion, Luck, Silence, and probably others who will make themselves known as I go along.

[epicfangirl01]

Castaways- Mammon x GN! Reader

WARNING: SMUT CHAPTER  18+ ONLY, NO ADDED PLOT, ALTERNATIVE READING PROVIDED

Hey, guys! Welcome to my first smut piece. As the warning says, this is ADULTS ONLY!!! Trust me, we don’t want anyone getting in trouble, so please, back away now if you are not able/willing to read this content. This chapter completely picks up from the last time, so there is no plot added in this chapter. That way, no one misses out! And to help people feel included during the wait for Chapter Five (the finale!!!), I took the time to write a story about MC taking care of the demon brothers when a plague potion goes wrong during a RAD class. If you are interested in reading the Sick! Brothers fic, the link is here: 

Magic Malady

Part One, Part Two (Coming soon!)

Also, if you’re new here, here are links to the chapters! 

Castaways

Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four (Smut w/o Plot), Chapter Five (Coming soon!)

On one final note, I wanted to thank @dawndustleo for being a freaking miracle worker and framing/writing most of the beginning, as well as giving feedback. They seriously are the cure to writer’s block. Thank you so much!!! I owe you twice, now! Guys, they seriously helped me with ideas for the sick fic too. Bless this beautiful individual!

Okay! Here we go! Sorry again for the super late update. School, work, and double the writing is super rough. The content notes/warnings are below the line, so I hope everyone stays comfortable. Happy reading!!! -Mya 

Taglist: @dawndustleo @santa-denise @hail-meezus

Chapter Four

Content Notes/Warnings: Dom! Mammon, Losing virginity, Fingering, Saliva as lube, Some oral sex, Aftercare

"The night is still young." You whisper in Mammon's ear, pressing a soft kiss onto his jawline. Your hand glides down Mammon’s chest to his shorts, ghosting your touch over his member. Mammon’s breath hitches as you lick his neck, and the demon groans as you rub his growing erection from the outside of his shorts.

"Y/N...”

You notice a tourist group walking along the beach, towards your direction. “Let’s continue this in the bedroom.” You both kiss passionately and you grab Mammon's wrist as you drag him to the house.

When you walk into the bedroom, you both kiss deeply, moaning when your grinding sends shockwaves of pleasure up your sexes. Mammon’s hand traces down your waist to your ass to give it a light squeeze.

A whine escapes your lips, and Mammon presses your body against his as he finally takes off your swimsuit.

"Let me appraise you, my Jewel..."

The cloth falls to the floor, and you kick it away as he leads you to the bed. His skin is hot beneath your hands, and you instinctively push him onto the mattress. Mammon grunts in surprise, and he centers himself over the sheets as you climb on top to straddle him.

In an effort to maintain your lead, you pin Mammon by the shoulders, and your tongue slips into his mouth. His tongue tastes like candy, and you smirk as your boyfriend whimpers beneath you. Your hand drifts down his toned body until you reach the band of his shorts, and you hum as you begin to palm him teasingly. The demon's hips buck instinctively, desperate for friction, and the sight makes you smile as you start to pull down his shorts. The trunks only slide down an inch when Mammon growls and flips you over, pressing you into the mattress.

"Oh, you think you're going to be in charge when we're in bed? No way in hell. I can take the pets, the praise, and the gentle commands. But when you're aching for me, you better believe I'm too greedy to give you that power, too. This..." Mammon growls hungrily as he takes in your form, squeezing your hips before catching your eyes, "This is mine. And I never let anyone take what's mine."

A shiver runs up your spine, and Mammon smirks mischievously as his lips crash against yours, claiming you with his taste. His strong hands run up and down your thighs greedily, until Mammon pulls away to make small marks on your neck. Whines fall from your lips as he explores your body, his warmth gracing your skin.

"Mammon...." Your hands run down his bare shoulders, feeling the toned muscles along his back. The demon groans and kisses down your body, splayed out for your king to admire. He kisses down to your hips, humming with pride, before swiftly curling his lips around you. You yelp in surprise and pleasure, and Mammon moans as heat pools his stomach. Suddenly, you hear a rushing sound of air, and you look up to beautiful, outstretched wings. Mammon pulls away and chuckles, glancing up at you with half-lidded golden eyes, clouded with greed.

"My jewel. So good. So perfect... And you're all mine." He grins, licking his fingers seductively, and you gulp in anticipation. Mammon shoves a digit inside of your hole, pumping slowly as he uses his tongue to play with you.

Mewls fill the room like a symphony, and you squirm desperately as your demon has his way. After a few pulses, he pushes another finger inside, and you instinctively reach for Mammon, clutching his hair and one of his horns.

"Fuck! Mammon!" He doesn't stop, though. He pumps his fingers in and out while he licks your sex, pleased at how well you're stretching and clinging at the same time.

"You're doing so well for me, Sliver. Nice and tight."

When he's satisfied with his progress, Mammon pulls away, taking his hand with him. You whine at the emptiness in your core, your heat aching with need.

"I know, Darlin'. Just a minute. I don't want to push you too far. Not yet."

He smiles as he climbs over you, and he swoops down to steal another kiss. His tongue is warm and intoxicating, and you need more. You wrap your arms around him again, gently touching the base of his wings and grazing your fingers against the smooth leather. His wings flutter in ecstasy, and Mammon runs his hands down your body to squeeze your ass. He pulls away to look at you, his eyes returning to his natural blue, the golden flecks shining bright.

"Does it feel good so far?"

You nod, breathless, and he grins. You slide your hands down Mammon's hips, pulling his swim trunks down to his knees. The demon quickly kicks them away, his eyes locked on your own, and the trunks land somewhere on the floor. Your hands return to his waist, and you slide a hand down to cup Mammon's aching shaft.

Heat radiates from the demon lord's skin as he hums, and you smile up at him teasingly. Your fingertips trace down his length slowly, and you lean forward to place a gentle kiss on his leaking tip. Mammon whines above you, squirming with need, before he freezes in realization.

"Don't worry, babe. Let me take care of you," you murmur, and you wrap your lips around him to suck on his cock.

Mammon groans, his leftover anxiety washing away with your every move. This is his human. His love and joy... And you wanted him too. No more hiding. No more fear. No more shame. He is yours, and you are his. Finally.

He's returns back to reality as your saliva runs down his member, cool and claiming against his pooling heat. You graze your teeth over him, and Mammon shudders in satisfaction. He needs you. Now.

Mammon grabs your shoulders and pins you lightly against the bed, meeting your lips to give you a quick, sloppy kiss. Your fallen angel pulls away to take in your face one more time, before getting settled between your legs. Mammon spreads you wide, and he lifts your hips and ass slightly until he's lined up, his tip teasing your entrance.

"Are you ready?"

You gasp in desire, and your head falls back against the mattress. The demon wasn't even inside you yet, and he already had you begging for more.

Your hands reach up to cup his face and neck, love and lust clouding your eyes.

"Take it, Mammon. I want you to be my first. I want to be yours."

Mammon's heart swells, and he kisses you deeply, his lips soft against yours. Once you are ready, your demon gently slides himself inside of you, being careful not to hurt his greatest fortune. He sighs against your mouth, satisfaction and want growing in his stomach. Your moans are caught by Mammon's tongue, and you practically melt beneath him.

He is being gentle with you. His sin for greed is screaming at him to pound into you, but he's holding back. You dreamed of this for months, and he is better than you could ever imagine. He wants you to feel special.

Because you are.

Mammon pushes inside until you're down to his hilt, and he pulls away from your lips to nip and kiss down your jaw. Your hands slide up and down Mammon's strong biceps, before sliding back up to his shoulders. Your hands graze over the demon's back, your fingers soon finding the base of his bat wings.

"Hold on, baby. This might sting at first."

Mammon kisses your bare shoulder, and he starts to slowly thrust against you, setting the pace. His cock throbs against your tight walls, and you squirm beneath him, needing more.

"Ahh- Mammon...."

Damn, he feels good. He fills you better than you expected, and you moan as he begins to pick up the pace. Mammon gently bites your neck, making small marks to claim you as his, and your nails gently dig into his sunkissed skin.

Mammon groans, his breath hot against your neck.

"Y/N..... I- I need more. I c-can't...." He stops suddenly, sitting up and clutching the sheets to ground himself from the wave of desire and greed. Sinful thoughts scream in the back of Mammon's mind, begging him to fuck you until you were marked and fatigued. "Can I...." Mammon shakes his head, closing his eyes, not wanting to see your reaction.

A flutter grows in your heart and core, touched by his gentleness and restraint, making your walls pulse around his shaft. A whimper escapes his lips, from pleasure and worry, not wanting to ruin your first. His eyes open slowly as you cup his cheek.

You need more of him, too.

"Mammon, faster. Harder. Make me yours. Please..."

A deep blush covers his cheeks, and his member twitches again, just as surprised at your encouragement.

"Are you sure, hun? I.... I don't want to hurt ya." You kiss him gently and pull away to lift your legs over his shoulders, wiggling your hips teasingly. Moans fill your ears as you push Mammon deeper inside of you, and his golden eyes return once more. "Fuck, you're beautiful. I love you, Darlin'."

"I love you too, my king." His heart pounds against his chest as he sinks his nails into your hips, adjusting your position slightly, before thrusting again. Within a few seconds, he's moving faster than before, and you meet your hips with his pace. Your body squirms at the pleasure overwhelming your senses, and you ball the sheets into your fists as you ground yourself.

"Ma- Ah!!! Mammon... A-almost there."

Growls and huffs full your ears, and the demon of greed lifts your legs off of his shoulders, lifting you into his lap.

"I know, baby. You're doing- *huff * great. Just a little m-more."

Mammon takes a second for the two of you to catch your breath, his pace slowing down a fraction. Once you're ready, he picks it up again, and he wraps an arm around your back while his other hand holds your ass.

"Hold on to me, Treasure. It will help you ride the wave. You're doing so good for me. So tight. So needy. So beautiful..."

You nod obediently and grab Mammon's spiral horns, holding on tight as his silky hair brushes your skin. He hums in satisfaction, and he nibbles on your ear as your walls clench around him, nearing your limit.

"Mammon! Gah!!!" His eyes sparkle as he sees you at your climax, and he grabs your chin, tilting your head until your eyes meet.

"Scream for me, baby. Tell the world who you belong to."

With a few more thrusts, you throw your head back and arch your body against Mammon, moaning his name as you reach your orgasm. He flashes you a smile and he strokes you cheek lovingly, greedily, at the delicious expression on your face. He chases his own release while you ride yours, and after a few sporadic thrusts, he reaches his own limit. Mammon groans, your name falling from his lips as his body shivers in ecstasy.

You both huff as you catch your breath, the tension dispersed with your release on Mammon's hips and his inside of you. The demon of greed closes his eyes and buries his head into your shoulder, sighing in satisfaction. You smile, laughing, and you gently lean back so you meet the mattress with your beloved in your arms.

"My Mammon."

Your fingers gently play with his hair, and your darling hums gently as he transforms back to his normal form.

"My Fortune." He gently kisses the mark he left on your shoulder, before propping himself up to look down at his precious jewel. He's careful not to move too much, wanting to savor the moment just a little longer. Mammon cups your cheek gently, rubbing his thumb over your lips. His bright sapphire eyes shine adoringly as he looks at you, feeling like the luckiest demon in the universe.

"I love you, Y/N. You're really special, ya know that? Heh. I never thought I would ever get along with a human without money involved, let alone fall in love with one. But... I'm glad that it's you."

You smile sweetly at your demon, and you kiss him gently, pulling away after a moment.

"I'm glad too. You were my first pact, my first friend, and my first man. And now, you're my first love. Mammon, you will always have my firsts."

The fallen angel chuckles, flashing that Majolish grin.

"Damn right, I will. Now, you belong to The Great Mammon, and I'm never letting you go. Ya hear? I won't let anybody hurt you. They'll have to come through me."

He kisses you one more time, before gently pulling out of you.

"Alright, Jewel, why don't we get a nice bath? And maybe.... I can watch over you while you sleep."

You giggle a bit l, nodding, and Mammon scoops you up in his arms.

"Of course you can hold me, babe. There's no need to be a shy tsundere. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, especially me."

He scoffs playfully and carries you to the bathroom, setting you down on the counter.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

------------

After a warm, relaxing bath, Mammon makes the bed again so you can rest on warm sheets from the dryer. Once you're finished soaking, Mammon lifts you into his arms again to place your naked body onto the bed.

"I hope you like what you see now, because that's what you'll be seeing every night. Now is probably a good time to mention I only wear cologne to bed," Mammon states, his smirk failing to conceal his blush. "But, uh, if that's weird for you, I guess I could try to change that habit...."

You chuckle, shaking your head as he sets you down gently.

"I think I could get used to that."

The Avatar of Greed kisses your temple sweetly as he slides into bed, grunting as he stretches his body. Once he's comfortable, Mammon holds you to his chest, sighing happily. He pulls the covers over both of you, making you safe and warm. Mammon's hand strokes your hair lovingly, and you rest your head against his heart, feeling sleepy.

"I love you, Mammon," you mutter, closing your eyes and yawning.

"I love you too, Y/N. G'night." With another kiss to your head, you fall asleep peacefully, your guardian demon protecting you through the night.

[couchpotatoaniki]

The books that you posted about really intrigued me. And the books seemed really cool, I was wondering if you have any book recommendations? For any genre.

:0 Someone's asking me about book recs? This has never happened before I'm scared 😂😂 So, I suppose I should warn you that a lot of these are fantasy. Also, thank you for taking an interest 🥺🥺

This is gonna be loooooong, so continue to read more. Also, all the links are for the Goodreads pages so you could read the blurb and reviews if you're interested. Word of warning though, these are all of my opinions, so if they don't work for you--that's okay. Tastes are fickle :))

Also, if you have any book recommendations for me or want to talk about books, then please feel free to pop in my inbox because I LOVE discussing and getting excited about books.

Books that I've already read:

The School for Good and Evil series by Soman Chainani--there are six books in total (seven if you include the handbook), but this was one I read when I was around 13/14. It's kinda like a fairytale retelling, where there are two schools; one for good and the other evil. It has a lot of references to folktales and discusses the divides between good and evil, girls and boys, and young and old. It's a story about self-discovery and I just love the characters--especially their relationships and dynamics with one another. Netflix is actually making a movie about the first book and it's going to come out sometime in 2022. Hopefully they don't screw it up 😔😔

A Thousand Nights by E. K. Johnson--I know this may not be for everyone, but I love this book. There is a sequel that I haven't gotten around to reading, but this one specifically was one I enjoyed quite a bit. It's like a retelling of the folktale One Thousand and One Nights (commonly known as Arabian Nights) but with more a fantasy twist to it. It's slow-paced, but it has so much meaning behind it. It paints such a beautiful picture in your head with both the imagery but also has a subtle feminist strength to it through its deliberate choice of words and description--not to mention it has a very strong feel to the pre-Islamic Middle East setting as compared to other retellings like The Wrath and the Dawn, which is much more suited to be classed as YA than this (by no means is that derogatory to any of the books, but it's just to explain how they're so different despite being based off the same folktale). Just read it, it's honestly amazing.

The Sin Easter's Daughter series by Melinda Salisbury--Okay, funny story, I actually read the second book, The Sleeping Prince, first by accident. A problem I have with a lot series, is something commonly known as second-book syndrome--as in, I'm not particularly a fan of the second book in a trilogy series. Once I realised my mistake and read the first book, The Sin Eater's Daughter, I found that I wasn't as in love with it as I was the second, so I thought that might've been just because of the way I read it. But when I read the reviews, I realised that a lot of other people thought the same as me despite having read it in order; the second one was more loved than the first. Unfortunately, I haven't read the third book yet, but I feel like The Sleeping Prince was enough to put it on this list. Once again, this is fantasy with tones of the Pied Piper in it, and there is so much more I could say, but again it would be more about the second book than the first so I won't spoil it for ya. But just sayin', if you wanted to read the second book as a stand-alone, you can do since I myself kinda figured out what was going on and filled in the gaps by myself. This is probably because the first and second book follow different characters (and I assume it switches in the third book, but again, I haven't read it).

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller--now, this GODSEND of a book is one that I rate highly. It's based off the Iliad (so it's heavy on the Greek mythology), though it follows Patroclus rather than Achilles throughout the whole book. If you don't know anything about the story, then I won't spoil it--just know that I knew the story of the Iliad and was in this state of dread the entire time 'cAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH FORSHADOWING. All I can say is that I love the dynamic between the two guys and the story is so heartbreakingly beautiful. Bless 'em 😔😔 But a friend of mine found the writing a little bit confusing (she still loves it) since you kinda have to read between the lines--it isn't blunt. Also, one word of advise I'd like to give on good stories, and specifically plot twists, is that the shock factor may occur the first time you read it but what makes a good story or plot twist is the way it makes you feel--it should still be positive no matter how many times you re-read it. Shock factor isn't everything, so when I read this there was no shock factor for me (I knew what was going to happen from me previous knowledge) yet this book still kept me gripped onto it. I didn't loose interest--and that's part of the reason why I love it.

Caraval series by Stephanie Garber--I put this on the list because of the progression within the books, despite it being fast-paced. Book one follows one of the two sisters during the Caraval who is accompanied by a guy and the whole description was very magical--kinda alluding to the magic of Legend himself (the Caraval Master). In it, there is mentions of what kind of world it is, but it doesn’t really get explained until book two, which follows the other sister to find out Legend’s real identity for a certain reason that I won’t disclose ‘cause it’s a spoiler. This expands a lot more about how the present came to be as it was and also explains a little more about the background for the major characters. Although I’m in the early chapters of the third book and so can’t really comment on it, all I can say is that so far, it brings the two stories more together than they were before as it switches viewpoints between the sisters; I feel like that’s also why I don’t hate the second book in this trilogy, because the first one seems more like a prequel to set the scene while the second feels like the beginning of the actual story, and the third would be it’s conclusion. Okay, so, fair warning, there is a lot of metaphors which mix senses (for example, describing an action/emotion as a colour/image/taste) and I understand not everyone likes that writing style, which is completely okay; I just happen to like it.

Daughter of the Pirate King series by Tricia Levenseller--the main girl, I feel, is either a love-or-hate character. Personally, I don't particularly mind her, since she's just fun to read. There are parts where she tells you just how awesome she is but can't show you because she would give her act away (she's pretending to be a prisoner on a ship to steel a map) but if it was in any other scenario, I would despise that. I suppose my plus points would be for how she reacts internally to what she's doing, you see the whole process going on in her mind--and it isn't perfect, mind you, but the fact nothing is perfect makes it better. Though I could see why people would think she was annoying or the romance was very fast-paced (I prefer a slow-burn, but I don't mind this either). One thing I will say is that there are two characters (one in particular) that I love the dynamics of. Also, there's pirates. I don't think I need to explain further on that point.

Books I'm in the middle of reading that seem pretty cool so far:

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black--I'm halfway through this book and so far I'm really enjoying it. The dynamic between the main girl and her nemesis is just unlike many enemies-to-lovers I've ever read (including online) because they just hate each other so much. Like, she's not gonna be seduced by him and get into a really toxic relationship where her feelings are being taken advantage of. She's grown into being smart, she's grown into being skilled, she's not a love-struck idiot that makes impulsive, nonsensical choices. There are two more books after this and apparently it gets better and the main characters find some ground to not be toxic (again, not sure since I haven't read it myself). Now, this is probably going to get me a lot of hate, but I'm not a fan of a certain popular YA author who has a very popular book series that involves fae. I find this a much more likeable alternative since the faerie are not humans with superpowers and pointy ears. There is actual description, actual difference between the humans and the fae, different rules they live by, two examples being that humans can't eat fae food otherwise [redacted] and the other being the fae are immortal (the kind that doesn't age, but can be killed). There's consistency in the world building and the characters are not too overpowered--and this itself just set above all the other faerie books I've read thus far.

Lost Boy by Christina Henry--this is a Peter Pan retelling that I'm still in the first half of the book. Not got much to say except for the characters are even at such a point are distinct with each other (I can already tell that Peter Pan is a Psychotic Asshole™). It's very impactful, but be warned, it's dark and violent too. I mean, when I say Peter Pan is a Psychotic Asshole™, I mean it with every fibre of my being. And it is a very good origin story to Captain Hook, who you begin to empathise with quite a bit even early on within the book. I also like a few other books from the same author since she delves quite a bit into dark fantasy and story-retellings which I personally adore, but I feel like this one is a good starting point. Either this, or The Girl in Red which is Red Riding Hood is bi and goes on a murder-spree.

The Archived by V. E. Schwab--I've actually got a couple of this author's books but I decided to put this one on because so far I'm enjoying it so far. The atmosphere of the story is very eerie and it gives beginning-of-a-horror-movie vibes. So far I haven't really gotten into the whole thing with the love interests, but there is some in there. I just really enjoyed the whole worldbuilding, the setting and feel of the story was awesome, the writing was really good, and I love the little anecdotes that are put in between Mac and Da (her grandfather). Though I can see why the switching from tenses would be confusing for some, I just really liked it. Again, not much to say because I haven't gotten too far into the story, but so far, it's pretty great.

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan--oh boy. Now, this book is one I would recommend so far but it needs to be said that it is hard to read. Not because the writing was bad or the plot was crap--no, the writing is really good and the plot is very interesting. It's hard because of the themes that are being addressed within it. I'm not gonna sugar-coat it, it mentions a LOT of sexual harassment, kidnapping, lack-of consent. However, although there are a few books in which this is romanticised, this is definitely NOT one of them. In fact, you feel really bad for the main character and I even felt like taking a break to come to terms with what was being said or described, but this is a story where the main girl does what she can to fight against it. Usually, I skip past the author's notes at the beginning but lucky I read this one because it gave me an understanding of why this was written--the author had been through a similar situation and wanted to raise awareness for any girls currently going through anything remotely close to this situation. It was nice to see that this was something that was being spoken about and I'm so proud of the author for speaking up about her experiences and encouraging others to speak up as well.

Circe by Madeline Miller--if you've already read Song of Achilles and enjoyed it, this was written by the same author and follows a character called Circe. She is actually a side-character from The Odyssey by Homer, so--again--Greek mythology is heavily present in this. I actually haven't gotten around to reading it but I've been promised that this was amazing, and speaks about feminism and females themselves in a world as patriarchal and oppressive as Ancient Greece (let's be honest, they were extremely sexist)

It's Not About the Burqa by various authors, edited by Mariam Khan--this is the only non-fiction book I have on this list because I don't read non-fiction all that much. Reading books, for me, is escaping from reality so reading this genre is going against the main reason I read in the first place. However, that being said, the topic it discusses is very near and dear to my heart as it is part of my identity, who I am as a person. This book, folks, is about Muslim women. It's a compilation of essays written by said women which each tackle different topics regarding Muslim women, ranging from religious dress, representation, mental health, stereotyping, feminism within Islam, expectations, modesty, sexuality, marriage and divorce, and more. One line that instantly hit me was "When was the last time you heard a Muslim woman speak for herself without a filter?" And I realised it was true--that most of the crap I heard about my own people, my fellow Muslim women, are either from men or non-Muslims or (in many cases) both. Reading these really opened my eyes to how we were actually being treated; how our hijabs were being used as a fashion trend rather than a religious observance; how our communities disapprove of behaviours that deviate from what we're expected to be, and the press and state being oppressive and racist towards us. I knew about most of this stuff but it really put into words (quite literally) how severe it is and had made me realise how some of the things I believed were good (like increased representation of Muslims in advertisement for beauty and fashion) were actually only short-term things at face value (like how barely any of the models or designers are actual Muslims and how the hijab, abaya, and other religious clothing were supposed to show how in Islam a woman is not valued by her physical beauty but for her personality, her intelligence, her love for her religion). This in and of itself is a bit of a rant from my part, but I really want people to read this book and understand our voices and our views from our own mouth than through someone else's interpretation off of some half-assed search on the internet. I would seriously recommend people to read it because it is such an important issue to at least try to understand.

There's so many more book that I've heard a lot of praise from that I have but haven't read yet or don't have and am planning to get in the future when my wallet recovers from me recent spending because boy is it HURT. I'll be posting about them

[talpy]

Avatar fic rec post

Hi people, this is an Avatar fic rec post for @kuruccha​ who wanted a primer. Happy Avatar renaissance to you :D

Everything under cut, because boy, there are a lot of fics. Forgive me for being repetitive in my recs, but they are all so good and amazing and *melts in a sea of feelings*

First, some authors who are so, so very good and my favourites by them (fics aren’t in any particular order, authors are in alphabetic order):

Avocadolove  (Tumblr: @awesomeavocadolove​ )

The Problem with Zuko: I love the idea that Zuko finds his way to team Avatar even without the Agni Kai and the rest. One of my favourites fics for at least 10 years.

Another Brother: Zuko was adopted by Hakoda, but he doesn’t remember his past. I really like how Iroh is portrayed in this story, very interesting!

Unchained Melody: Sokka doesn’t return with his body after being spirit-napped from Her Bai. Strangely, only Zuko can see him. I really love how everything is developed here :)

Consider Chaos: series where Zuko finds Vaatu and becomes the Chaos!Avatar. Really interesting premise, cooler effects!

Half a Heart: Zukka!soumates AU. Very interesting choices about world building and Hakoda’s character.

Haircrescendo

Carry On For You: from the series intro “Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.”. I like it a lot, amazing adaptions and backstory building for Zuko. It focuses on Zuko and Sokka.

Compassion For All Our Monsters: intro “How Sokka learned to shut up and be nice, and also learn a little bit more about Zuko than he wanted to.” mandatory Sokka-finds-out-about-Zuko’s-past.

Fire Nation Yacht Club: one of the angstiest series I’ve read, I love it and I re-read it like once a month. Intro of the fist fic “Sokka knows three (3) things: 1. The caldera is on fire. 2. Ozai’s really, really dead (and so is his daughter). 3. The only one having a worse day is probably Zuko.”

What We’re Given: such an amazing series! Intro “Started out as a “What would happen if Zuko happened to rediscover sky bison while searching for the Avatar?” and turned into something more than that.” Zuko blasting Aang for not washing Appa properly will always be amazing xD

MuffinLance (Tumblr: @muffinlance​, suggest following for plot-bunnies)

Towards the Sun: Zuko doesn’t manage to escape on the Day of the Black Sun, a very angst novella-length intro ensues. I love this a lot because of the angst and how it sparkled inspiration for other stories with a similar premise.

Salvage: here it his, the original dad!koda fic. Intro “Mid-Season-One Zuko is held ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is… deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father.” Lots of feelings and amazing A+ writing.

The One Where Zuko's Hair Matches Sokka's and Other Tales: fillets from tumblr, extra material, general awesomeness all around.

Miscellaneous

The Home I've Searched For by Kayasurin: I didn’t know Azula/Kuei could be that good! Really awesome story, amazing Azula.

The Festival of Four by SuperKat: Aang knows his time is coming near and he says goodbye. Very touching and moving (yes I did cry), amazing Aang voice.

Sunday in the Park with Appa by Dracze: Parks and Recreation!AU, Aang as Leslie Knope and Zuko as Ben Wyatt. I loved how the AU was adapted on the characters and on the format -blogging instead of “watching in camera”.

Like Fire and Water by Setari: Sokka and Katara find their father in Ba Sing Se with his new wife, Ursa. Very funny, especially when Sokka/Katara and Zuko/Azula realise that they are siblings.

the beginning of a new and brighter birth by aloneintherain: from the intro “In a new era of peace, Zuko works to be a very different Fire Lord than his forefathers.”. I love how Zuko tries to make changes in the Fire Nation at the start of his reign.

The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris: the platonic Gang soulmate AU I needed without knowing. I liked it a lot, especially at the end. One of my favourites!

illustrate the remnants of the life i used to live by WitchofEndor: also a platonic Gang soulmate AU but much angstier. This Zuko is simply heartbreaking.

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor: intro “When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them. Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.” as beautiful as it sounds, really amazing Azula voice.

Doe-eyed by OldeShoestrings: Azula as the big sister of Zuko. I love how Azula is fundamentally the same but how her being the old sister changes everything. I like this a lot.

How to Care for Your Local Fire Lord; A Memoir by The Palace Staff by RejectsCanon: the fire palace’s stuff joins the Zuko protection squad. I salute them.

The Sins Of Our Family by Mangaluva: amazing series inspired by Towards the Sun. Intro “Zuko didn't escape the Fire Nation on the day of the eclipse. Azula decides to invite him to her coronation, setting off a chain of events involving abuse, trauma, siblings, recovery, and rebuilding.”. Really love this portrayal of the fire siblings.

There Is No Fire Lord by OccasionalStorytelling: other fic inspired by Towards the Sun, basically Zuko remains in prison even if he is basically the Fire Lord. The plot soon becomes its own creature and I love how it develops.

Two Perspectives by Sabretoothgooselion: series about Zuko and Kuei, really lovely. As of now there are 2 fics, but apparently more are in the works. Cannot wait!

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by meliebee: the first year and something of Zuko reign. Amazing Zuko voice, very angst, much approved.

and love will be your teacher by Ford_Ye_Fiji: series on hiatus, AU where Azulon doesn’t die and takes Zuko away from Ozai giving him to Iroh instead. Very very nice, I love the relationship between Zuko and Iroh.

Of Dead Fire and Dragon Dreams by ChickadeeChickadoo: during the Day of the Black Sun Ozai lies to Zuko saying that Iroh is dead. Zuko redirects lightening to him and he finds himself Fire Lord. Very cool story, love Azula in here.

In the Soft Light by CSHfic, VSfic: Zukka, moon-spirit-Sokka!AU. I love this story so much! Zuko is so very an awkward turtleduck here.

How to Disappear Completely by aeoleus & the long way around by ciaconnaa: two modern Au where Zuko is Kiyi’s guardian, very very nice.

kintsugi by discordiansamba: when Zuko is banished he becomes Toph’s bodyguard. Yes it is as amazing as it sounds.

it's the illusion of separation by argentoswan: very nice Zukka!modern Au. Sokka starts working at the Jasmine Dragon, but alas, his old high school bully Zuko works there too. I love how Zuko’s past with the gaang was adapted and how the relationship between him and Sokka develops.

Finding Solace in Parking Lots by RejectsCanon: Zukka!Modern au, Sokka and Zuko find themselves in the same McDonalds’ parking lot having a breakdown. Really really lovely.

Fractures by EvieNyx: instead of being banished, Ozai imprisons Zuko far from everyone’s eyes. When Ozai and Azula are defeated he evolves from prisoner to Fire Lord in one big step. Love the characters and the cliffhangers!

Fight by Electrons: Zuko doesn’t side with Azula at Crossroads of destiny, but that doesn’t make everything much easier. Amazing word-building and lovely dive in cultural diversity. Also, ace!Zuko which is very lovely.

Dragon of the Yuyan by 00AwkwardPenguin00: intro “In which Zuko is fostered/adopted/raised/recruited by the Yuyan Archers of Pouhai Stronghold, and destiny hiccups.” very very cool story, I really like how Zuko is portrayed here.

Always trust Sokka's instincts by Thisisentertaining: whereas Jet shows Sokka an interesting Fire Nation prisoner... a Zuko-joins-the-Gaang-early-Au. Very very good :D

all my skeletons out for the taking by 136108: Azula wins the Agni Kai. It’s still on progress but for now it’s very very good and I can’t wait to read what’s happening next.

Mark Time by foil: yes, another Zukka modern au. This is very very angst, be careful with the tags’ warnings. This story keeps surprising me and I hope Zuko and Sokka will find their happy ending.

[writefightandflightclub]

Violent Delights (Chapter One)

Poe x Reader

Author’s note: First Order Poe! First Order Poe! I’m not well, I wrote this quickly. Probs fulla typos, soz. Cheer me up with feedback? Have a series loosely plotted in my head.

Summary: I wrapped your love around me like a chain / But I never was afraid that it would die / You can dance in a hurricane / But only if you’re standing in the eye (Brandi Carlile, The Eye)

Warnings: First Order Poe! Blood (none of this would be healthy irl, don’t do it), pain, threat, slight injury, sexual themes. Look, it’s not super explicit but it feels quite dark so: (18+ only please) Tell me if I missed any other warnings.

The first time you saw him, you were part of a counterstrike against the First Order’s foot raid on a small market town. Your commanding officer had instructed you make a tactical sweep of the labyrinth of streets -teeming with the Order’s militia- in attempt to thin out the herd of stormtroopers on the periphery of the battle. To keep it contained. But, somehow, you ended up in the thick of it.

Standing there alone, as yet unnoticed, you saw a chance to turn this thing around; a clear shot at their Commander. But you didn’t take it. And you couldn’t for the life of you explain why. For reasons unknown to you, you could only watch as he barked orders at his pack of faceless soldiers, directing them to fan out to the surrounding stalls and houses. They instigated chaos as they did so, taking people down, kicking doors open, sending crowds fleeing. They were searching for someone.

Ruthless, ordered, and efficient, a relentless wave of violence circled around the Commander as he coolly progressed down the central street. It was almost a thing of majesty. There he was, in the centre of it all; calm, like the eye of a hurricane, havoc spiralling around him. His white uniform was perfect, ordered, his curls immaculately preened, in stark contrast to the scene around him. Now, he picks his way through the chaos, undeterred by the pain and fear around him. Blood even spatters on to his suit, his cheek, his lips, and all he does is look enlivened, a sinful, crescent smile radiating across his face. He doesn’t even break his stride to swerve from the path of the confrontation, instead gracefully side-stepping. Wait, that’s it. He’s enjoying this.

He’s supercilious, full of it. Not even the slightest bit concerned that someone might shoot him. After all, who would dare to? He inspires a kind of reverence which dissuades challenge. You should shoot him, you know it, but you’re planted to the spot, completely arrested by the notorious figure. Commander Dameron of the First Order. You’d heard stories of some of his more brutal victories and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t harbour a twisted sort of admiration for the man. From what you’d heard he was formidable, cruel, almost monstrous.

By the time he notices you, it’s as if you are caught up in the eye of the storm too. The chaos winds around you both as you lock eyes, facing each other off. But this is his hurricane, and you feel no illusion of safety or control. His gaze had snapped to you, cutting through you as quickly and ruthlessly as the slash of a knife. You still feel the piercing glint of his eyes even after he has looked away from you, towards a stormtrooper manhandling someone out of a nearby building, kicking them to the dirt at the Commander’s feet.

The captive’s family, mere shapes to you at this point, huddle and sob, held back by a contingent of the remaining armed troops. Even then you cannot look away from him. Not even as he grabs the man and drags him along the floor by the scruff of his jacket, dropping him face first in front of you and planting a boot to his back, pinning him in the dirt.

Then, here he is, face-to-face with you. The only one in the street who has been stupid enough not to have fled already. Of course, apart from those held against their will. Although, you feel you have been held against your will in some sense; he has you rooted firmly where you stand, a prisoner by his willing it alone.

“Don’t Resistance fighters reckon themselves to be heroes?” If his eyes were knives his voice is the honeyed trap of a predator, tempting you on to his teeth. Conscientiously, he licks the blood from his lips which had been spattered there. The gesture should repulse you. It should.

He doesn’t say anything else, but he doesn’t have to. His point is made. Your heroism is lacking. You’re not running, but you’re not helping either. You’re not fighting. He sneers, teeth glisten like a hunter toying with its prey.

Then, he whistles, and with a well-practised wave of his hand signals his desired formation to the stormtroopers. They have every vantage point covered. If you were about to do something, heckin’ anything at all would probably be a solid improvement. You suddenly remember you are holding a blaster, at least, and begin to bring it up to meet his chest, feeling like you should.

“Ah ah.” He scolds “Drop that.”

You drop it. You don’t even hesitate. You probably shouldn’t have done so, but he’s so charismatic, captivating, that you think you might do anything he told you to. That’s it then. You are officially done for and that’s all it took. You weren’t worthy of the Resistance after all. The Commander smiles though. And that makes you feel worthy.

“Good, sugar. Obedient, aren’t you? I like that. Helps me get what I want.” Why do his words twist a tight knot into the pit of your stomach? Why do you feel keen to please him and have him praise you again? You could climb inside the cave of his mouth and have him bite you like ripe fruit. A deep shame surfaces at the thought of how willingly you submit to him.

He releases his foot from between the captive’s shoulder blades and flicks his hand; the troopers fit the prisoner with stun cuffs and cart him off towards a speeder as the Commander walks right up to you. You don’t flinch, you barely react -how pathetic are you?- even as he puts himself almost nose-to-nose with you. His lips quirk in amusement. His eyes scrutinise you, pupils dilated and black as gunmetal. You fall into them, a dark pit you can’t climb out of. You’ll never see the light of day again. “I don’t even have to tell you to look at me. I like that too.” His voice makes you clench deep down inside.

A flush spreads across your cheeks as he smiles at you a little too knowingly. He knows he’s handsome. He can blatantly tell you know it too. It’s somewhat humiliating. But at this point you barely care if he humiliates you. The Commander’s eyes flash with anger as an impatient stormtrooper interupts; “Perhaps we should move towards the...” The superior man raises his hand, signalling he requires silence, his eyes fluttering closed. He gets what he wants. You figure he mostly does. And then, he casually trails the back of his raised hand over your cheek, where your face burns hot. His touch is feather light but even that is enough. “Am I making you flushed?”

“Don’t touch me.” You say weakly, not even sure that you mean it. You silently admonish yourself for your weakness, but it changes nothing. 

“For a member of the Resistance. You’re not resisting very hard.”

“Would you enjoy it more if I resisted?”

You finally muster some sense of self and backhand him, as hard as you can across his face. The force of it throws his head to the side. Your heart pounds as you await whatever reaction you may have provoked. But all he does is bite his lip and laugh gently, as if he likes it. He’s high enough, on the battle, on spice, on you maybe, that he feels only a dull yet wicked throb of pain. It’ll take more than that. He tongues his lip and tastes that he is bleeding. “I’ve half a mind to make you lick this off. But I think you might enjoy that.” Your face grows hotter. Are you so transparent? You feel like he could offer you what you want and you would gladly beg for it.

Another impatient stormtrooper asks if they should stun-cuff you too. The Commander simply crouches and picks up your blaster, pocketing it. 

“No. Let her go back to her base knowing she did nothing but moon over me. Fan out and shoot any survivors.” He says coldly, turning his back on you.

“No!” You finally shout, voice thick, the spell broken. You’re not sure whether you’re protesting the order or him leaving. You’ve never seen anyone so delicious. Either way, you know it is futile. “You can’t!”

He whips his head back to you and grabs you by the hair at the nape of your neck. “I can do whatever I want.” He puckers his bloodied lips, planting an iron kiss to your mouth. In payback for his bust lip he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth and bites down until he tastes the fresh tang of blood. A cry of pain and only partially of pleasure escapes you. His eyes darken at the sound, even as you spit a mouthful of blood across the lapels of his white uniform.

“You’ll pay for that insolence.” he promises, voice silk. “You’ll pay in ways I like.” His hand still clutching harshly at your hair, a moan escapes your lips, your body responding readily to his suggestion as well as the pain sparking across your scalp. He swallows thickly, his composure slipping ever so slightly, before he swivels on his boots and tracks back the way he came from.

You feel the sting of him on your lip long after he’s left. You’re guessing he also feels the same sensation. A reminder of your enemy. A reminder that you did nothing. You froze. You’re not sure how you will explain this one away, but you manage to, somehow, and get through the debrief once back at base.

What’s even harder to justify is that when you get back to the safety of your bunk, your hand winds down below your waistband and between your legs. You imagine Commander Dameron whispering lewd orders into the shell of your ear, praising you as he makes you pay in ways he likes.

You end a trembling, wet mess, and afterwards, you feel disgusted with yourself. Lusting after a Commander of the First Order seems unforgiveable. But something about what’s forbidden also feels exhilarating to you. You might be a “rebel” but he was right, you always were so obedient. A small part of you dearly wants to break the rules. It’s just a harmless fantasy, right? It can’t hurt, can it? At least, not if you stay in the eye of the hurricane.

You feel such violent delight at the prospect.

[these-are-the-first-steps]

“The Rise of Skywalker”- A Review from Memory

So it’s been a week since I’ve had to live with this film in front of my eyes, and a week and a half that I’ve had to grapple with the brunt of its sins. With a heavy sigh, I think I’m ready to go through the play-by-play of every plot hole in this film that I can manage from memory without the thing in front of me. And even then, the laundry list is hefty. Keep in mind that this is a FILM-BASED review only- I have tried to refrain from including new information we have learned since its release last Thursday in an effort to keep this as focused and topical as possible.

+The first scene of this film is weird. I’m all for watching Adam Driver wild out on some dudes, but it is never explained who these guys are and if it’s just Kylo ‘committing more slaughter’ (as the casual audience is wont to think) or if there’s something significant here. As the movie goes on and Kylo makes it clear that he’s under no one’s thumb, *and* that the object he was after was Sith, you start to get an idea that maybe those guys at the intro are No Good, but this is never explained or confirmed. To a casual audience with no interest in additional materials, it just looks like Bad Ole Kylo Doing More Bad Ole Stuff. *sigh*

+Exogol and Palpatine’s hideout looks like the Borg Cube from Star Trek: First Contact from 1996. This really smacked me in the face how similar it was.

+Snoke’s significance getting sniped by Palpatine in one fell swoop felt like two five year olds arguing over action figures in the sandbox. “No! He’s dead now! Now the good guys can go on their quest!” “Well if he’s dead now, it’s only because MY guy was the REAL bad guy! DOOSHDOOSHDOOSHDOOSH!!” Like….really? At least Palpatine’s never-spoken-of Snoke manufacturing lab was vaguely interesting. Too bad we never saw anything about that- what a story of intergalactic puppet-masters that would have made! We’re not here for clever storytelling, though, so moving on…

+I don’t think they should have included Leia in this film. It really added to the disjointed nature of this movie with flat audio, crippled dialogue, and CGI where Leia only really had one facial expression for 90% of her appearances. It really wasn’t worth it. I know Star Wars doesn’t do flashbacks (which, frankly, I appreciate a lot), but I think they could have utilized the IDEA of Leia better than her actual self. Leia was forced, it showed, and it wasn’t good. Honestly they did a WAY better job reviving Tarkin in RO.

+An incredibly unnecessary amount of new information for the third act of a series was introduced in this film, starting with Leia suddenly being a well-trained Jedi or something. At least enough to ‘train’ Rey, which…frankly wasn’t believable. Leia having the force was a given. That she distanced herself from active application of the Force as a residual reaction to the bombshell of Darth Vader being her father is what is, and always has, made sense. THAT is a nuanced perspective, but it gets thrown out in favor of not just shoe-horning Leia in to the movie, but also because they had no idea what else to do with her at all in this film. This is also why Leia shouldn’t have been in this movie the way she was.

+Oh, you knew Palpatine was behind all this the whole time, Leia? Really? Always there, huh? When in TFA it was always snoke? Obvious dialogue lift is obvious, but the use of it was just Bad and inconsiderate to the story.

+Poe’s backstory was published on December 18th, 2015 in a book called “Before The Awakening” that details the lives of Poe, Finn, and Rey leading up to TFA. Poe is the son of two famous Rebel fighters and he grows up with a nice quiet life on Yavin 4 learning about ships and loving to fly. He goes straight from his home world to joining the Republic navy. It’s a handful of months before Leia Organa picks up on him and brings him into the Resistance. Now…this is a backstory that is JJ Abrams approved, has been out since 2015, and yet Oscar Isaac said he ‘never knew’ Poe’s backstory, and JJ somehow thinks four years later that there is space in this incredibly concise timeline for him to become a drug runner. What?? This was possibly the BIGGEST wtf moment for me in this film. What in the actual world. WHAT.

+Sidelining old characters to pointlessly introduce new ones does not serve a story, it clogs it up, drags down its rhythm, and confuses the hell out of it. As seen by Zorri and Jannah. And out of those two, only Jannah carried any kind of actual literary weight, because for Finn, he’s found more people like himself. This sort of setup is a typical play to foreshadow where Finn eventually settles down and goes at the end of the war. But this is never expounded on or explained further. It’s just, BOOM, more former troopers and a girl who is suddenly irrationally attached to him at all times.

+Rose gets replaced by Jannah, a brand new character that we only know one single thing about, and who gets to latch on to Finn out of the blue while Rose is left at home or on a ship. It was weird. It was obvious. It was incredibly awkward to watch. There was no point to Jannah clinging to Finn like this. She was reduced from a strong character to a cringy clingy one, while Finn’s love interest was completely ignored.

+The ‘Journey to The Rise of Skywalker’ comics released a couple weeks before the film heavily implied we’d get a lot of great Rose and Rey team time. We received none of it. It felt like someone had jerked a present away from us and it was a gross omission.

+It is only by the very end of the film and after multiple watches that you THINK they are trying to hint that Kylo is spiraling, thus why Leia steps in in death, but it never ever gets shown. Never once are we let in on Kylo’s state of mind. In fact, never once are we let in on *any* of these characters’ states of mind. We never really see what they are feeling or thinking or going through. Kylo is nothing but action when in TFA and TLJ we see him falling apart. This is what bad direction looks like, and it takes a Real Talent to fuck up directing an actor like Adam Driver. Another big sigh…

+There are only two cool things about this movie- The bleeding of reality between Kylo and Rey, and Palpatine’s shadow senate. When Kylo and Rey fight and the red bits go flying on the floor, it screamed serious TLJ aesthetics to me that I had to blink a moment. I think this ‘Bleed-through’ of their realities is the only TLJ hold-over we were allowed. It was a genuinely fascinating touch, which is how you know it didn’t come from *this* film’s production office.

+When you stick three people in a closet together, you expect some sort of progress in two-thirds of the potential relationships in such a cramped space. We received no such thing. Forced Trio Time resulted in no character development and seemed more like an unnecessary comic relief vehicle than anything.

+In ‘Before The Awakening’ and ‘Rey’s Survival Guide’, both publications printed under JJ Abrams’s  blessing, we learn Rey named *herself* after a helmet she found in the desert. How is it Rey’s alleged parents know her fake name? Gross, gross plot-hole.

+Four years was spent emphasizing that you don’t have to come from anywhere ‘special’ to be Important to a big story. Then they threw it out. Post-TROS interview with JJ reveals it was because they ‘couldn’t think of how else to get rey engaged in fighting palpatine’. Because he wasn’t a nasty enough dude on his own? Seriously? This is pure negligence.

+Four years was also spent emphasizing that you also don’t even NEED the force to be important to the big story and make a huge difference to the future. But let’s throw that out, too, and give Finn the force. Clearly regular people are absolutely worthless in the Star Wars Universe, according to JJ Abrams.

+Finn is only used to babysit Rey the entire time they share screen time together. The number of times he shouts her name could be turned into a drinking game. It’s one thing to care about somebody, and another thing entirely to act like you’re their high school chaperone. The whole thing was weird and awkward.

+Zorri Bliss sounds like a stripper name and she served no purpose other than to shoehorn Felicity into a star wars movie. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Babu Frik is the only true-to-star-wars critter in this whole film.

+Leia literally goes and lays down on her own funeral spread? What was that about. And that’s what that was because why would her bed be out in the open like that? That was really, really weird. And the RoTJ medal throwback was just a tacky tether to the past.

+Everyone seems so irrationally tethered to the past in this film. Kylo Ren’s spent two movies desperate to ‘leave the past behind’ and I don’t blame him at this point because it’s getting exhausting.

+As stated previously, it’s only vaguely suspected but Kylo seemed to SUPPOSED to be spiraling. Adam Driver plays Kylo like a man finally free of the voices in his head, but the plot and dialogue point to an entirely different direction saying that REALLY the monsters have allegedly doubled-down and he’s even more unhinged than before. Here is a MAJOR indication of story re-working after the film has already been shot. Adam Driver, and Daisy for that matter, is a PRECISE actor. It seems almost impossible to tell a story with him that you did not originally MEAN to tell. And it shows. JJ tried to U-Turn the story but it absolutely failed- Adam’s Kylo Ren is a calm, free man, focused, who finally knows what his purpose in life is, and that is uniting with his Dyad in the force. When really JJ tried very hard to suggest that he was spiraling so hard and so ‘lost’ in the Dark Side that it took his mother’s last breath to swing him back around. No one is going to see that narrative. The only reason why I see this shoddy attempt is because I’ve been absolutely immersed in this shit since December 2015. But the main audience? This was absolutely not conveyed.

+Seeing Dark Side Rey was nothing but a ‘cool’ moment and actually served zero function to the plot. Rey was always shown as being Grey in the force and someone who struggled to maintain balance. If that whole scene was removed, it wouldn’t change anything.

+Kylo was never in a position to kill Rey on the Death Star, and Rey taking her cheap shot to stab him while he heard his mother’s voice is an attempt to convey how much seeing her Sith self affected her than Kylo’s already very faded aggression in this film but it failed. It was weird and out of character, and even coming to that conclusion took may rewatches to come to because there is NEVER a ramp-up to Rey’s darkside taking over long enough to stab Kylo- there’s no fire, no red eyes, no teeth, none of it, to indicate she was ‘overcome’ so it just looked like bad mischaracterization. Yikes.

+Kylo and Han’s moment on the Death Star is the most moving scene of the entire film. The dialogue starts out rather familiar, and it almost seems like a cop-out, until you realize….how many times has Ben had this conversation with himself?? He doesn’t seem shocked at all that his father is there. Not at all. In fact, that Last Conversation on the bridge of Starkiller comes off as a well-rehearsed dance that Ben puts himself through regularly. And every time he hopes it’ll be affirmation enough that it’s all been worth it. But here, at the last reenactment of the worst day of his life, the script changes. He surrenders. He says dad. And he rejects Kylo Ren forever. Harrison Ford and Adam Driver are two beautifully matched, talented actors and I’d watch a movie with the two of them in it any day. God bless them.

+Hux has been wasted for the past two films. He was Terrifying in TFA and Dom gave him such significant presence that I was genuinely terrified for what he might try in the future. But instead he was lost as comic relief. When it is comically delivered that HE is the spy, every single person in my movie theatre shouted “WHAT??” in a way that was not a Good what, but in a “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” kind of what, and I will never ever forget that. I hate seeing Star Wars diminished like this.

+Luke rehashing Obi-wan’s speech to him about how Rey MUST confront the Big Bad was an obvious rehash, and way too convenient to what Palpatine wanted. This whole appearance of Luke is very suspect, but that would be crediting them again with clever storytelling, which again this is not.

+Luke claims that Leia saw ‘the death of her son’ at the end of her Jedi Path, which one can assume why she threw it away. But then Luke says something bizarre about ‘hoping someone else would pick up her path someday’. Is that...is that not the same path leading to Ben’s death that she was avoiding in the first place? And if someone else picks it up, is that not no longer Leia’s path but that other person’s? Therefore, is not the outcome automatically going to be different and thus *avoid* Ben’s death? This was an attempt at supposedly clever foreshadowing or Mystical Talk or some shit, but all it was was dialogue that backfired in meaning spectacularly due to looping-in on itself too many times. Luke negates himself at the same time he tries to prove his point...which he then negates in the same breath. What a mess.

+All of Ben Solo’s lines were cut the last act of the film to stuff more pointless exposition at the END of film and to give more screen time to Ian McDiarmid. Ian’s great, but he’s not the main character of this series, and cutting Ben’s lines for this was Gross.  

+Space Horses? Really?? I didn’t like them in TLJ but at least there they had context- they had zero context here. The size of the horses and the ship they came off of was absurdly mismatched. Is that ship the TARDIS? That whole bit was so unnecessary and ridiculous, especially with zero setup. Which is amazing because this film is 90% set-up.

+All those ships at the end? That’s all it took? After books and comics going on about how everyone’s too terrified to help Leia because of FO scorched earth policy? Jesus it was weak, and too obvious a Deus ex Machina with THAT many ships.

+Palpatine’s Shadow Senate is cool. The idea that this guy trapped on an ugly planet stuck on Sith life-support couldn’t go two seconds without attention and praise to the point where he had to recreate the exact same senate he destroyed years ago is a concept I like. Is the Shadow Senate just in the *shape* of the old senate but filled with animated Sith proxies? Or is it actually comprised of the enslaved souls of former Senators now forced to attend the Emperor for eternity? Either way, destroying the Shadow Senate at least either set those souls free or sent them back to wherever they came from. That was actually interesting, and it’s a shame we didn’t get to learn more about such a genuinely creepy thing.

+Palpatine’s ‘we’re family’ routine drops the moment he realizes Ben and Rey are a dyad. This is suspicious, but considering the whole movie so far, it seems incorrect to giver JJ and Torrio credit for a possible mis-direct.

+Rey and Ben’s realities bleeding into each other is experienced again in swapping the light saber. This is cool. This is probably the coolest moment in the film. And then the coolness literally gets thrown into a pit when, instead of the both of them, as a Dyad, defeating Palpatine, Rey is left to carry the burden alone.

+Oh hey look a cop-out to save Rey from being bad- just have her reflect his own power back at him so it’s like he’s killing himself, wow, so original! The second Palpy revealed his gameplan about wanting to die, this became the obvious choice to both kill him and avoid giving him what he wanted. Eh….

+The Star Wars 9-movie series is the story of one man desperately begging anyone within hearing range to kill him, apparently. This is so, so old by the 9th friggin movie. 

+Ben Solo spends his entire life begging for guidance from his ancestors only to be ignored and Rey get all their attention instead. Ben Solo spends his entire life since the womb being a burden to his parents by merely existing and being manipulated by gross sith ghosts. But nah, let’s be parents to Rey and help out Rey. This is not to say she doesn’t deserve any of this, but to say there are priorities here- Rey has had a lonely life, but at least she had her sanity and was self-sufficient. Ben had neither his sanity or any control over his own life whatsoever. And to place Rey above Ben is a literal mess. The two of them were meant by the Force to rise TOGETHER, and it didn’t happen.

+Rey doesn’t disappear when she ‘dies’ after using the last of her life force to both feed Palpatine, fight him, AND defeat him. And yet while Rey has two strikes in her before kicking it, Ben, someone who is RADICALLY more trained in the force, its lore, and mechanics, only has one? This doesn’t make any sense.

+Rey has no reaction to the literal other half of her soul vanishing in front of her. Because this is a mangled JJ Abrams Finale(tm) and why should anyone, let alone his own characters, have any space to Feel? I mean, that’s not what movies are even about, right? Feeling and Telling A Story? It’s not that, right? Right?? JJ Abrams covers up Rey’s reaching-hands scar on her arm for the entire film, doesn’t address it, and apparently hates the shit out of it. I don’t know how the King of Cheese could possibly hate something like that. It was a weird and obvious omission, and frankly disappointing because the scar had come to mean something at the end of TLJ and it, like a lot in this film, got thrown in the trash.

+More forced trio time in the form of a group hug where nothing gets actually expressed because we ran out of space for dialogue 30 pages back.

+Anakin Skywalker viewed Tatooine, his place of enslavement, as the worst place in the galaxy. Luke Skywalker spent his entire youth trying to escape. Leia hated it on principle because it was where Darth Vader came from and where she herself had been enslaved in a gross gold bikini for a giant slug. Rey spent 14 years of her life dreaming of leaving the sand planet she was trapped on. But I guess that’s a fitting place to bury some memories, yeah? The place where nothing good ever, ever happened. That’s a nice spot, right?

+Rey Skywalker isn’t explained, is never led up to, and feels like a gross gimmie after four years of trying to create a Better Message that names don’t matter. HEAVY SIGH.

+Rey watches the two suns set as she is left with little more than she started- alone, on a sand planet, but this time taunted by the Twin Suns of Tatooine that the other half of her soul is literally missing and that she is now left with a gaping wound in her Force signature and her own spirit worse than if she’d just lost a Force Bonded mate.

+Ben Solo is left missing, vanished on a world that is supposedly a thin spot in the force, with no ghost, no presence, and no one to mourn him- not even by the other half of his very soul. THREE GENERATIONS of Skywalkers over NINE FILMS died to try and rescue their future embodied in the form of Ben Solo and it looks like it was for nothing. Instead, the incessant bad guy no one can move on from looks like he ultimately wins the day through an alleged granddaughter, and even that claim is on shaky ground considering the mistakes in the vision and how quickly the family conversation vanished upon the revelation that Ben and Rey are a dyad. Ben is lost, so every family member died for nothing, apparently. But hey, this is a Fun and Hopeful narrative, right?

+While the Final Order fleet is destroyed at the end, the First Order is.....still out there? It’s still out there. Nothing in that department has changed whatsoever. Leaders die. They get replaced. The cycle goes on. We spent three movies batting at a fly we didn’t even kill. Amazing.

Overall this movie is BRUTAL. Every other scene is a plot hole served to us on a silver platter, with the biggest insult being that they are plot points JJ created HIMSELF 4-6 years ago. This man literally shot himself in the face and then said it was fine as he bled out all over the film reels and it shows. If you were anyone who came along for the Additional Materials ride of the past four years, you were greeted by this film with a hard, swift, and REPEATED, backhand to the face. There was no reward here at the end of this road for fans, old and new, who actually paid attention and took an interest in the deeper lore surrounding this sequel trilogy. There was just a big fat Disney-branded middle finger as all your hard work and cash was ripped from you with a trademark villain laugh.

And that is what we’re left with.

This review does not go into detail over what we’ve discovered since the release of the film, either. That it was never finished in the editing room. That a current comic series, Rise of Kylo Ren, and what’s in the new TROS visual dictionary maddeningly contradict themselves. That allegedly SIX different endings were shot for this movie, and in the end the one they chose looks like it was *literally* reverse-engineered to confusingly kill, as JJ once called him, ‘The Other Half of Our Protagonist’. There is no time to go into detail about how Oscar Isaac just told us that noone in the cast knew that Rey Palpatine was going to be endgame except for maybe Adam when they made him do ADR declaring it with a masked face on screen (convenient). There is no room to show you the collective cast reaction they all gave to the end of the movie- none of them good, and John Boyega looking like he was holding back from punching something (he loved Kylo/Ben as much as the audience did and more). And there is no room to include what we will continue to find out as the days roll on about the tangled mess of a film that was edited and reedited, and how word on the street is a cocky director demanded Carte Blanche from Kathleen Kennedy, and I guess the story group too given the state of things, and then promptly self-destructed in the grossest, messiest end to a 40+ year series in cinema history.

There’s just no space.

But there IS a lesson.

And the lesson is this: No matter what, never stop investing in Story. Never stop caring about the details and about plot and about moving a story FORWARD. Never be afraid to move FORWARD. Look at TROS, the mess it is and the potential it had it in itself to be, and then look at the beauty that is TFA and the love that went into TLJ, and study that shit until it burns into your brain- Do not repeat those mistakes. Go out into the world and write better, shoot better, direct better, and BE BETTER. Because these producers and directors? They’re old and they’re on their way out. Just like the stable boy at the end of TLJ who secretly has the Force, know and realize that those of you out there reading this are the next generation of storytellers. YOU. And YOU, and I, and others out there like us who loved this series with our whole heart and who are watching it bleed out now on a floor that doesn’t give two shits about it, have the ability to make sure this NEVER happens again. But in order to do that….we have to pick up that pen. Pick up that pencil. Pick up that camera. Jot down that story idea and share it with likeminded friends. Go out there and CREATE, and create BETTER. Because it’s up to us now- the future of cinema is up to us. And my god, we have so much potential….