#but those are not tasks for today

[mostbrilliantidiot]

Well. I'm home sick. Shaking, sweating, etc. It's not good.

But to keep my hands busy with something that doesn't need much brain (compared to work), I have cleaned my home office space .

So I'm closer to both audio work and writing.

[buwheal]

No asks today but as an apology here's the spam I doodled on my to-do list. Goodnight.

[wellnoe]

did THREE things i needed to do today everybody clap.

[ectonurites]

teaching myself how to do a rubiks cube purely because a character i like had a sticker of a rubiks cube in his room

[isfjmel-phleg]

🗃

[bright-and-burning]

this is a hyperspecific work struggle i won’t lie but. the combo of having adhd + being the only person w a cs background is so.

i keep getting like coding tasks (usually asking me to automate some analysis or another that someone’s doing by hand in excel), and then finishing them like way faster than anyone’s expecting (bc i work Fast when i like what im doing like i slide into the Zone and the rest of the world stops existing until i finish it). and then i have this awkward start-stop of it all while they figure out the next thing for me to work on (hence why i’ve been on here All Day)

[icewindandboringhorror]

Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

[cinnamonglaive]

logging off for a bit there’s too much pressure on the dash. so many posts about “you MUST be informed about this human rights issue you MUST look at this graphic picture of death you MUST be enraged by miscarriages of justice!!”

I come on here as like a smoke break at work to look at memes and maybe analyze creative media. I don’t know I guess I’m not woke.

[cherry-alive]

So, okay, I made a post a bit about this yesterday, but I've had a lot of thoughts since then and a useful conversation with my therapist. So. Complaining about dyspraxia below

I haven't been formally diagnosed with dyspraxia. It's actually pretty much the only diagnosis I've given to myself without at least medical confirmation. But I've given it to myself based on both a lot of research and comments I have received from medical practitioners (e.g. my pediatrician commenting on my weak grip, not meeting developmental milestones on time, comments from teachers, etc). And today my therapist said she's pretty sure I have it based not just on what I've reported but what she's observed in the way I physically interact with the world over the years, so that was helpful and validating. And we contacted my doctor today to hopefully get a referral to an OT, who will be able to actually assess me, which would be very cool. Because I still doubt myself all the time and go "you don't really have this" except like...I do though lol.

Part of the reason I doubt myself about it is that it hasn't had that much impact for many years. But recently, that has changed, and I've realized that it's not that I got better, it's that I went on disability and stopped trying to do a lot of things I used to do and spent like all day on my computer and got assistance with most physical tasks. I'm doing much, much better mental health wise lately, which is amazing, and as a result I'm engaging more and more with the physical world around me, whether that's going on walks or to the grocery store or cooking or dressing nicely or eating in restaurants or trying art or whatever. Which is great!

But it's all. so. fucking. physically. difficult. Not in an exhausting way, in a coordination way. Pushing carts at the grocery store? I bump into things constantly and get really overwhelmed by it and a few weeks ago dropped a glass bottle of olive oil that shattered all over the aisle in the store. Cooking? I love to cook, but it takes me at least 2 to 3 times the time to make any given recipe because I know myself and know I can't multitask so I do all the prep all at once up front, and slowly at that bc cutting vegetables is hard. Putting on makeup? Better set aside 10 minutes just to try to put on lip gloss without going outside the lines. Going to a restaraunt? Often a mortifying experience where I a) bump into other tables and/or b) have food all over my shirt by the end of the meal, which is so embarrassing but I've struggled with it my whole life. And it's just. It's all really really difficult and often I feel so ashamed when I drop something or bump into something or get messy or whatever in public and it just...it just sucks. And I get so so so frustrated and flustered and overwhelmed when I'm trying to do basic tasks at home like hanging up clothes or whatever and it's just so difficult and frustrating for me.

And I had forgotten how hard it all was because for years I just spent all my time on my computer. But I'm not doing that now. Which is great! But I trip and stumble and knock into things and get lost outside and can't do the things I want to do and I'm just constantly reminded that the physical world is very challenging for me. My probable dyspraxia has really been interfering with my life lately in pretty significant ways that have surprised me, I had kind of forgotten how frickin hard it makes a lot of things. I consider myself able bodied for the most part but I'm remembering now that like...not exactly 100% actually. And it just kind of sucks. A lot.

The good news is that as I mentioned, we contacted my GP about it and hopefully I'll get an assessment and maybe even some OT and/or PT, which could hopefully really help me. Because I'm trying very hard to recover and regain some independence, and this is proving a more significant challenge towards those goals than I had expected.

[kanene-yaaay]

Heya heya!

I am passing by to open another ask game! It's not anything specific, most just to interact and get some determination because I have this super important project I need to work on but can't get myself to truly sit down and write! So each ask I receive I will like write for half hour on it. You can ask anything!

🌹 Send this and I will share a snippet of that Ler! Lan Xichen fic I am writing

🌈 Send this and I will share a smol tickle headcanon or scneario in my head. It can be from any of my previous or current fandoms (Sanders Sides, BNHA, FMAB, PJO, MP100, MDZS, TGCF...)

🌱 + fic name and I will share some fun information or anything about this fic, other scenarios I wanted to write but didn't make to the fic etc etc

🍃 + fandom or character and I will drop some fics I recommend for it! Feel free to specify if you want tickle or non tickle ones, although I must warn that I will have recs only for BNHA, Sanders Sides and MDZS for this one :")

Besides that, feel free to send a random question or personal hc or a comment or any other thing you feel like, I will be happy anyway :DD

[blackjackkent]

Personal asks :)

13, 30, 36

(general questions ask meme)

13. Fears?

Straight to one of the deep questions. XD I have a lot of answers for this that are probably too serious for a goofy ask meme (anxiety/depression/OCD will do that XD), so I will instead talk about my irrational fear of bees. :P

I was stung on the eye (well, eyelid) as a child after accidentally swatting a rotten log that had a bee's nest in it, and ever since am irrationally twitchy any time a bee (or wasp/hornet) is anywhere in my general vicinity.

I love bees in the abstract and know they are super important contributors to the global ecosystem, and find them very cool or even cute to watch on videos, but I go straight into freeze-or-flight as soon as one is anywhere near me. o.o;

30. What are you looking forward to in the near future?

Hm. [examines calendar] Two of my best friends from high school are going to be visiting in a couple weeks; one of them is gonna be in town for a conference and so we decided to have a meetup and have the other fly in to hang out as well. :D

I haven't seen them in forever but it's always a good time whenever we do manage to meet up. :D

36. Do you like your middle name?

I don't dislike it? Haha. It's Mary, which is a fine name but I don't really have any attachment to it like I do to Rosalind; I'm not even sure why my parents picked it. XD

[thethingything]

we're stuck in a very unfortunate loop where I know a lot of things that help our mental health, but those things take an amount of energy, concentration, or ability to remember things, that we just do not currently have specifically because of the things that are making our mental health so bad in the first place.

I'm still trying to do them because I need to do the things that make us feel better, but the more stressed and exhausted we are, the harder it is to do the things that would help us be less stressed and it's not like there's a workaround for this so the only option is to just keep pushing through but wow I'd love if it was less difficult

[leadendeath]

told u it was stimmy

[lordsardine]

.

[hyah-lian]

bweh i give up i sat here for a few hours and can't make myself do the thing. im gonna go to that website thing that helps break down tasks into smaller steps and set one up for tomorrow n hope all i need is some sleep

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

today is a 18363819 steps to make coffee kinda day, but i'm still doing things, even if i'm not giving it my best. and i have to accept that for this random friday, that's enough