#but this was not preventable because i did not understand UNTIL TODAY what the relevance of time travel magic was

[quitefair]

Dragon Age Lore Breakdown: Gereon Alexius

Started working on my accursed DA fic again, and the research rabbit hole led me down the In Hushed Whispers path. And I found out a bunch of things about this dude that I realised I never knew before.

Anyway, ramble under the cut.

Before he became a Magister, Gereon Alexius was first and foremost, a researcher of magic. One that was trying to push the boundaries of what magic could do, particularly in the field of ‘traveling through and controlling both time and physical space’.

His research partner (and eventual wife) was Livia Arida, a researcher who focused specifically on the Veil.

Gereon’s father, Magister Alexius, was your typical Tevinter upper class dude – focused on power and bloodlines and image. House Alexius wished Gereon focused less on the theoretical and more on magic with practical uses.

Gereon's father thus gave up his post as Magister to his nerdy ass son in the hopes that he would become more invested in politics like he himself was.

Instead, Magister Gereon used his position to ‘became a tireless champion of education, criticizing his peers for pouring the Imperium's funds into the war with the Qunari at the expense of the Circle and demanding better schooling and institutions of higher learning for the Soporati.'

His codex entry is more telling of his backstory and character than anything he's displayed in game lmao.

He continued his research in a diminished capacity, and subsequently married his long-time sweetheart and research partner Livia Arida. He also took a position as professor of thaumaturgy at the Minrathous Circle.

[They use the word ‘thamaturgy’ here very liberally, and I’ve not seen this anywhere else in my Dragon Age research. We all know the DND connotations, but I would like to take the meaning of the term as ‘boundary breaking magical research’, since that’s what Gereon is known for. Like idk the Thedosian equivalent of fringe science.]

[[This also assumes a scientific hierarchy within the study of magic within Imperium society, which I doubt they will explore in DA4, but gods that would be so fucking fascinating.]]

Anyway, Gereon and Livia had a son, Felix. Despite both his parents being mages, and particularly gifted ones at that, Felix was a very weak mage, one that could only cast very simple spells and with great effort.

Gereon’s father saw Felix as a weak link, described him as ‘just barely more than a Soporati’. Because of this, he tried to have Felix assassinated. Typical Magister behaviour.

Livia, being absolutely… livid (yeah I went there lmao), intercepted the assassin, and in turn, fucking had Gereon’s father assassinated instead. This ensured Felix's safety and secured Gereon as head of House Alexius.

Anyway, if it wasn’t clear how much Livia and Gereon loved Felix, you should know by now. Since he couldn't learn much magic, they brought in tutors from all fields – history, art, music, literature, etc, ensuring that anything the boy could study was offered to him on a silver platter.

And although Felix wasn’t a powerful mage, he seemed to have inherited his parents’ analytical minds, and therefore was a gifted mathematician. Recognising this, his parents sent him to study at the University of Orlais.

In the meantime, both Gereon and Livia continued their boundary breaking research. At this point, they decided to take on assistants and apprentices, since they could not involve their son in their research.

While Livia took on ‘half dozen of the most promising young students of the Fade and the Veil throughout the Imperium’, Gereon chose only one apprentice.

You know who it was.

So they continued their research – with Gereon and Dorian focusing on breaking the boundaries of magic itself, while Livia and her apprentices sought to determine the effects of such magic on the Veil. Kind of like an unstoppable force vs immovable object situation.

[There's also what I can only assume is an artist's rendition of their notes in The World of Thedas 2, which is... well.]

[The description included: Careful study is paid to the eyes of the nug. Based on the drawings and a limited deciphering of the text, the author seems all but obsessed with understanding what animals see and how this might differ from our own perception of reality.]

[[Edit: apparently the images above aren't from Gereon's notes, but from a book called Grim Anatomy. Dissecting this book is a whole nother post so we'll leave it at that.]]

They were apparently super close to a breakthrough. But we can’t have nice things in Thedas, can’t we?

In 9:38 Dragon, Gereon and Livia travelled to Orlais to visit Felix. As the family travelled back to Minrathous (or Hossberg - Dragon Age is never consistent with the lore), they were attacked by hurlocks. For some reason, Gereon wasn’t with his wife and son when this happened.

Livia is killed and Felix is tainted.

Gereon is obviously filled with survivors guilt, the grief of losing his wife, and the fear of now losing his son to the taint. He stopped caring for anything other than his son’s health, and this affected his relationship with his research, and by extension, Dorian.

This led to an argument over how distant and strange Gereon was becoming, and eventually Dorian parted ways with Gereon.

In the gap between this and the events of Inquisition, Gereon is now part of the Venatori. It can be assumed that the reason he joined was because of promises made that the Elder One can save Felix from death.

[We can probably extrapolate that Gereon somehow understands that Corypheus is a darkspawn, and so that adds to the weight of his belief that Corypheus can cure Felix.]

It is this time and space bending research that is the foundation of In Hushed Whispers.

Once Gereon is defeated, you can judge him in Skyhold. If you decide to take him in as an agent, he can continue his research for the Inquisition. (Though canonically all it yields is this amulet. Which isn't even unique, you can get it in random loot drops anywhere. Sad.)

[dingodad]

I don’t understand what’s being talked about when its said that Lord English’s attempt to kill Cronus split him into multiple vessels. Does that mean that the idea of the essence of Lord English was splintered to form the other characters? It’s not literal right? At what point in time could that even have happened? Is that why he glitched the session of the alpha trolls, because he couldn’t enter it himself to kill Cronus, since the universe hadn’t ended yet? Also why is Lord English related to the hope aspect anyways? I think Eridan even mentions him being the lord of the angels prophesized at one point, idk what that’s about?

the way Aranea frames the story, English's spell on Cronus backfiring supposedly WAS the glitch that prevented him from entering Beforus, "until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe."

of course this story comes to us through two separate layers of questionable narration; Aranea is relating to us a story that Cronus may or may not have made up about his own backstory. so we're operating well outside of the boundaries of what we could possibly look at through a "literal" lens. all we've got to really work with are vague ideas.

the relationship between Lord English and the hope aspect is exactly that the bloodline of heroes of hope are supposedly the ones destined to beat him, just as related in Aranea's story ("the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to be as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on some other Hero of Hope"). it's the aspect of angels, and as a cherub Lord English is of course a kind of angel (though Eridan was actually under the mistaken impression that Jack Noir was the prophesied "lord of all angels").

it's possibly relevant that in the version of the story as WE hear it, the "defeat" Jake ultimately hands out to Caliborn is only a technical victory; he doesn't put an end to Lord English in any meaningful way, and Caliborn even goes as far as to say "THERE IS NO BODILY HARM". he just knocks the guy down in preparation for Dirk to seal him away. but hope is not an aspect that deals with the "bodily", its domain is spirits and ideas; so in the past, my assessment has been that the reason heroes of hope are such a threat to Lord English is precisely BECAUSE they have this ability to pull apart or disrupt the collection of souls that make him up. i don't know if i would still confidently hold this up as the strongest interpretation today, but i think it's worth mentioning.

did any of this "literally" happen... well, I have to emphasise again that at this level of granularity, the "literal" is no longer something we can take for granted. like, "literally", Dirk and Equius were created from slime in an ectobiology lab. but I assert that according to the rules of Paradox Space, the metaphorical "ideas" of Dirk and Equius have to have come FROM somewhere, and if those ideas eventually become constituent parts of Lord English then at some point the loop has to close and he has to be broken back down into those parts. it is worth noting that Aranea's wording - "sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels" - could also pretty easily be taken as referring to the various puppets English is forced to inhabit as he emerges in universe after universe, and that if English were ever to be split back apart it could theoretically have happened in any number of those infinite lifetimes. it's the vague ideas represented by Cronus' story - the spirit of the story, that English is perpetually being foiled by being reverted to the start of his own timeline without any memory of how he failed - that matters more than whether Cronus was literally attacked by Lord English with a wand at some point in his childhood.

[possumcollege]

Tumblr just fed me a repost thread where someone responded to a meme that said "The Right gave us the Klan and the Left gave us weekends" with this extremely broken nugget of US history. 👇

🌈 This is horseshit.

1: In the 1860s, under what US historians call the Third Party System Republicans were what we would call "progressive" and Democrats were the "conservative" party.

Lincoln was a Republican, as were many Americans who called for the abolition of slavery. Lincoln stated that he was not personally in favor of total abolition and emancipation but he did believe regulation of slavery was a power of the federal government as opposed to state governments. Democrats of the Reconstruction Era favored strict moral legislation against race mixing, opposed citizenship and voting rights for African Americans, and largely opposed the expansion of Federal powers over the individual states.

It's honest-to-god not that hard to understand that American political parties haven't always been the exact same parties they are today. I can't help it if no one ever taught them this but it isn't an obscure or contested piece of information. Anybody trotting this shit out as a dunk on contemporary Democrats is either wrong or lying.

2: The Klan was never a "Leftist Anarchist alternative to law enforcement"

The concept of organized State law enforcement was barely a thing in the South at that time. Most southern law enforcemement consisted of slave patrols mustered from state militias, tasked with finding and capturing runaways, and preventing large-scale slave rebellions like the French experienced in the Caribbean. Slave patrols were abolished after the Civil War and officers were instead charged with enforcing "Jim Crow" laws under Reconstruction. Many of the Klan's tactics were literally the unofficial, vigilante continuation of practices that were legal for slave patrols. At no point were organized "law enforcement" and the Klan working at cross purposes. They both sought to maintain the social order through violent enforcement of white supremacy, the klan just wasn't an official agent of the state.

Anarchists may seek to operate without centralized state authority, but vigilantes are not inherently "Anarchists" because they're ungoverned. By that reasoning, children fighting on the playground are Anarchists.

White Supremacy is itself antithetical to central Anarchist principles, which call for a society based on voluntary participation, free of social heirarchy, or rule-by-force.

3: Whether they know it or not, when someone says that the Klan formed as any kind of peacekeeping force, they are parroting Pro-Klan propaganda.

There are 3 distinct, widely accepted eras of organizations calling themselves the KKK. The first is the most relevant as it formed during Reconstruction in the immediate aftermath of the American Civil War. It began when a number of young Southern men and Confederate veterans took it upon themselves to terrorize and intimidate newly-free African Americans by raiding homes and businesses, destroying property, harassing black communities, and murdering black leaders, organizers, and their allies.

The first iterations of the Klan were heavily influenced by a growing fascination with fraternal orders and secret societies in America during that era. They cribbed heavily from another secret society, the Knights of the Golden Circle, (the Klan's name came from the Greek word for "circle") who hoped to establish a new county around the legality of slavery. This country would've included the states of the CSA, Mexico, Cuba, the islands of the Caribbean, and parts of Central/ South America.

Claims that the Klan existed to oust Scalawags, Carpetbaggers and other Northern opportunists (often said to be Jews and Catholics) who rushed in to fill the vacuum of deposed Southern leadership doesn't emerge until 1868-69 when Nathan Bedford Forrest was formally elected as their first (holy fucking shit 🤦‍♂️) "Grand Wizard."

(this absolute dipshit)

These retroactive narratives were further amplified in the 1880s-90s as Lost Cause rhetoric began to gain momentum among those sympathetic to the confederacy, white supremacists, and those seeking to profit off the continued disenfranchisement of African Americans as cheap prison labor.

These tales of masked men protecting downtrodden southern whites from the grasping, predatory Yankee Carpetbaggers were further enshrined as founding myths of the second Klan, in Georgia in 1915. It remains a popular Whitewashing narrative to this day.

I do not give half a proud southern shit what the guys who were scamming their buddies into buying official Klan dishes in the 20s said the Klan was about. Those actually existed btw. I don't have to give Forrest's claims any more weight than I give Spencer's claims on the motivation of neo-nazis.

Spencer got exactly what both of them deserved when he got socked in the head on TV.

[dcmoniism]

“ do you truthfully believe that i was aware niklaus had such intention? ” elijah and niklaus had come across a petrova doppelganger before katherine : tatia. the woman that began all of it, life as they currently knew was only possible because of her and her blood, and his mother was to blame for such. they had never asked to live forever, and someone else's decision change the course of their life. the thought of said petrova doppelganger had elijah's jaw clenching for a split second — the red door.

“ you don't know what you're speaking of. ” her perspective on the matter. katherine knew no other side. it had never been provided, and it had never been relevant — until now. “ i chose to stand aside and watch as my brother courted the woman i wanted, spoke to me of marriage. i was there to see what happened previously, and i was most certainly there to see how it ended and i didn't want that for you. i did everything i could to prevent a situation where you would have to choose and blood had to be shed. ” and yet, it worked out that way regardless of his attempt.

“ you were safe and loved. ” so loved. “ i had no idea of niklaus' idea of using you for the ritual, because i had not heard of a ritual. by the time i found out why he was so taken by you, it was too late. he already had a hold of you, your interest. ” per katherine's words, klaus was a charming man, hard for anyone to resist. “ i knew i had to protect you, i was willing to protect you, but you made your move. angered niklaus who forced my hand to help him search for you. ” niklaus had always been stronger, that was no secret. strong and reckless. “ i walked those woods, covering your every track to make sure he did not reach you. not trevor, not some other man. me. ”

his family may have hurt her, elijah would not deny such but including him in such roll was low. “ you wish to speak of such? very well. you assisted the salvatore brothers in daggering me, did you not? when my warlocks came to find me, it was you they encountered. it was you who tried to stop them. it was you who forced it right back in. ” and that had been a hard pill to swallow then. “ i did not encourage your relationship whatsoever. you spoke of his carelessness towards you and i simply stated such a fact. you seemed more than keen to be with niklaus, what was i to say? was i to beg for your love and attention? you know me better than that, katerina, i am not one of your salvatore brothers. ”

it was obvious that they hadn't been around each other in a long time for katherine to claim those things with such certainty. it took elijah a long time to understand that always and forever didn't equal sacrifice, nor did it equal niklaus being at the center of their promise. it went four ways, equal ways. “ if there is something i am certain of, it's my role in ensuring your safety and feelings towards you. you are still standing here today. had i not been with niklaus in those woods, you would have most definitely met death that day — and they were real. ” they are real. “ — unfortunately, i cannot say the same for you. ” or her feelings towards him.

cont. from here || @dcmoniism

             "do you really believe this?!", she shot back mere seconds after the words had left his mouth and although she was still scared by this encounter, she was also raging mad that he dared to put the blame on her. "in what world did i have you fooled when in reality, it has been the other way round? i didn’t perform any wrong intentions, didn’t lie to hide the real motives of why i was even interested in you. but you and your brother created this whole fake story. from the moment i was introduced to you two, everything was just a giant lie. you knew from the beginning that you planned to sacrifice me. like a spider, you skillfully ensured that i was starting to safely become entangled in your web without me even realizing that i was trapped. every word that came out of your family's lips was just a giant lie. the reasons why i was invited to klaus' birthday party, the reason why you oh-so-generously offered for me to stay in your castle, the way klaus courted me and spoke of marriage, even the way you spent time with me in the gardens. nothing was real. it was a lie, a play you two performed. and i, as naive as i was, wanted to believe it; wanted to be safe and loved. i trusted you, and i especially trusted you, elijah. but you fooled me. and if trevor didn't have a change of heart and warned me, then i would have been blindly walked into my own slaughter. so do not accuse me of fooling you when you were the first to play that game!"

             she had been talking herself into a rage and she knew this was so incredibly stupid. not only because her feelings certainly shouldn't concern him, but also because it was not smart to irritate elijah. she knew how this could end, and knew that this could mean her death. he has killed for less...

             the next words from elijah only caused a snort that didn't sound too convincing at all. "i have no reason to believe you, elijah. i managed to get away because sweet lovesick trevor risked his life for me." she never questioned that, and she never considered that elijah might have changed his mind about returning her to klaus. not when it was him yelling threats through the woods. she didn't believe elijah and certainly didn't believe that this was something he had wanted. perhaps it was his explanation of why he hadn't been successful in finding her. a mikaelson could not bear defeat, of course, he would turn it around so that it fit. 

             "your family has hurt me in countless ways and you played an active role in it. you lied to me, elijah, no matter if you want to accept it or not, you played a role in this killing machinery, even encouraging me to give my relationship with klaus a try because 'many unions were built on less'. back then, i had meant everything. i shared my hopes and worries with you and you used me. and now you accuse me of being deceiving? i was trying to survive in a world that was set out to kill me. and i still try to survive because i have no other choice. the only one i can rely on is me because the only one who won't betray me again is - again - me. i have no reason to trust you, elijah because i know that if you had to choose, you would choose klaus. just like you did in 1492 when i truly was still an innocent girl who naively believed that she was loved."

[aphrostarot]

Confronting Past Life Pick a Pile

What wounds do you carry from a past life and how can you begin to mend your soul?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

Pile One (Sodalite):

Who were you in a relevant past life?

Queen of Pentacles:

You were a very sensual and loving person in a past life. Over the course of your life, you were an extremely hard worker and accumulated great success. Having enough money enabled you to surround yourself with the things you loved, including nature and animals. The people in your life knew they could count on you to help them when they needed it, especially when it came to financial support.

What is something unresolved from that life?

Three of Pentacles:

In this lifetime you may have been a celebrity, and as a result of your success, you were the subject of jealousy from many people. These people tried spreading lies about the way you earned your success. Since they wanted what you had and saw how humble you were, they hated you for it, so they made up rumors about you as a result. You really tried to spread love rather than hate, especially when it came to these people. You thought you could teach people to be nice and not to be hateful. You tried to achieve this with all your might, but it was not possible, unfortunately.

You may have been an earth sign, Virgo, Taurus, or Capricorn, in your past life or in this life.

You could also have an Aquarius North Node.

How does it affect you in this life?

Five of Pentacles:

You really struggle in this lifetime to accumulate success and wealth. Despite your efforts, you still struggle to make enough money to support yourself and those you love. Success does not come as easily to you in this lifetime.

Why do you need to complete that unresolved issue?

Strength:

With your current struggles, you also have trouble having the strength to deal with the issues. You are capable of getting through the difficulties you are facing, but you lack the confidence in yourself to do so. This issue of a lack of confidence must be resolved so that you can channel your inner strength to begin accumulating more wealth and success.

How can you complete that unresolved issue?

Justice:

For some, you may feel you need to cheat the system to get what you desire. The appearance of this card alerts you to the fact that you shouldn't go forward with that. To resolve the issues you are facing, you need to be fair. In addition, you should not second-guess your success. To me, it feels as though all the negativity you couldn't overcome in the past life is affecting you now, making you feel unworthy of success, or incapable of being successful. Do not fall into the trap of not believing in yourself. It is essential that you let go of your fears if you are to overcome these challenges.

What is an important lesson you need to fully understand?

King of Wands:

The lack of confidence prevents you from pursuing your desires, and as a consequence, you lack the drive and passion to do so. The lesson you need to learn is that you need passion and drive to succeed. Your success in your past life was easy and you didn't have to work hard for it, but in this lifetime you must learn to work hard for what you want.

What is an energy/characteristic that you should channel from that life?

The Devil:

In your current life, you need to tap into the strong-willed nature you had in your past life. You never let anything bring you down in the past and you struggle to do this in this current life. Your strong-willed nature will help you overcome your struggles of accumulating success and allow you to become confident in yourself.

Channeled Messages from Guides:

“You are our answered prayer.”

“Magic exists in the form of energy. What is your energy creating today? How does it make you feel?”

Letters:

R

X

I

E

Q

Blank - whatever you feel fits.

Pile Two (Green Aventurine Moon):

Who were you in a relevant past life?

Seven of Wands:

You were very altruistic in this past life. Fighting against oppression. You stood your ground and were an ally to people who needed someone on their side. You were very courageous and determined in your convictions. It seems to me that you took part in many protests. Perhaps you formed groups that fought for people who were being mistreated.

What is something unresolved from that life?

Ten of Wands:

In your past life, you worked very hard to achieve your goal, but it seems like you never succeeded. Your hard work did not pay off in that lifetime. Many of you may have given up when nothing seemed to be happening and your work was ineffective.

How does it affect you in this life?

King of Wands:

There was so much passion in that past life, but all your hard work didn't pay off. Therefore, in this lifetime, you carry that sadness of not achieving what you set your heart on. Since your soul still hasn't healed from your past wounds, you lack the passion to pursue your desires. This wound also leaves you lacking confidence in pursuing your goals.

It's possible that you were a Fire sign in that life or this life, Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius.

Why do you need to complete that unresolved issue?

Ten of Swords:

This soul wound is causing a great deal of destruction in your life. You lack the confidence and passion to pursue your desires, and this affects all areas of your life, including romance, career, school, and health. It seems that every time you try to follow your dreams, you self-sabotage, and things crumble around you, leaving you wondering why you did that. This is your soul wound that still needs to be healed.

How can you complete that unresolved issue?

Knight of Wands:

Find your passion and enthusiasm in this life. Seek out activities that bring out your more enthusiastic side. Bring passion back into your life by discovering new things.

Six of Cups:

Additionally, you could try doing things you were passionate about in your past life. Maybe you should join a group that works to combat oppression. Make your voice heard and stand up for what you believe in.

What is an important lesson you need to fully understand?

The Magician:

Willpower is the key to The Magician's success. They set their intentions and then follow through on them. This is your lesson for this lifetime. You need to start setting and achieving goals. Do not give up like you did in the past.

What is an energy/characteristic that you should channel from that life?

King of Pentacles:

It is the King of Pentacles who pursues their goals until the very end. They do not worry about losing out on anything, as they are very confident and secure within themselves. This is how you were in the past, and this is what you need to channel in this life in order to heal.

Channeled Messages from Guides:

“Take charge of your schedule during this busy time and honestly assess your underlying reasons for being busy.”

“Times of heightened emotions and sensitivity call for extra self-care and gentleness.”

Letters:

I

I

A

K

V

E

Pile Three (Rose Quartz):

Who were you in a relevant past life?

The Devil (reversed):

In a past life, you struggled with addictions, and most of your life was devoted to freeing yourself from those addictions. For most of your life, you were becoming self-aware, understanding your purpose and how you can be healthy.

The Moon (reversed):

You felt pretty unhappy in your past life too, feeling very anxious. It was this that pushed you to break free from addictions and fears, along with your negativity.

What is something unresolved from that life?

The World (reversed):

In your pursuit to be free of these things, it seems that you didn't fully succeed. Though you were successful in letting go of those addictions and fears, you still struggled to feel complete and happy. The whole focus of your life seemed to be on becoming healthy, and once you reached your goal, you didn't know what to do with your life. You had no clue what your passions were, and what made you happy.

How does it affect you in this life?

Eight of Pentacles:

The drive and passion you need to excel at your career or hobbies are lacking in this lifetime. You really struggle to maintain a job or hobby long enough to become good at it. Because of your soul wounds, you have difficulty sticking with one thing for a long period of time.

Why do you need to complete that unresolved issue?

The Lovers:

You are really struggling to fall in love not only with others and things but also with yourself because of this wound. Due to your fear of commitment, you struggle to maintain one thing in your life, so you don't really know what makes you happy. You don't know how to love yourself. You need to heal from this wound in order to begin to love yourself and others.

How can you complete that unresolved issue?

Four of Swords:

You need to slow down and rest. Stop jumping from one thing to another. Put an end to not letting yourself get comfortable. It is okay to devote a lot of time and energy to one passion. It doesn't mean you're missing out on life, as long as it makes you happy. You need rest to heal.

What is an important lesson you need to fully understand?

The Empress:

In this lifetime you need to understand that by not staying in place for a long period of time you are running from your growth. Also, what you're running from is your abundant future. If you genuinely want to feel happy and secure in your life, you must learn to stick with one thing and stick with it until the very end. Your life will be filled with abundance if you do this.

What is an energy/characteristic that you should channel from that life?

Queen of Pentacles:

The Queen of Pentacles is very loving and warm. Their hard work has made them very successful in life. In your past life, you stuck with your journey of being healthy and free from negativity. You need to channel that hard work and warmth in this lifetime. This is what will help you.

Channeled Messages from Guides:

“Are you ready? Are you sure? There is no turning back now.”

“Unlock the magick within.”

Letters:

H

E

T

O

E

O

Pile Four (Goldstone Star):

Who were you in a relevant past life?

Knight of Swords:

You were very socially adept in your past life. It was your quick wit and charm that really attracted others to you. Your lack of humility was made worse by your inflated sense of self-importance, which also gave you the ability to lead well. Despite your lack of patience, your aggressive side made you successful.

What is something unresolved from that life?

Ten of Wands:

Your life's goal was to be in a position of power because you knew you would be a great leader. However, you never reached your goal. Although you came close to achieving your end goal, you fell short. Some of you may have been in politics.

How does it affect you in this life?

The Hanged Man:

Every time you feel as though you are doing well, it seems as though you have to make some sacrifices to keep that success, and these sacrifices are either too difficult to make or they never work. Therefore, you are unable to achieve success.

Ten of Swords:

It seems impossible for you to achieve success as well as a leadership position in this lifetime. It seems that nothing you do pays off and life constantly throws disaster after disaster your way. It seems that everything comes tumbling down whenever you start feeling good about your situation.

Why do you need to complete that unresolved issue?

Knight of Cups:

You struggle to remain optimistic in life as a result of all the negative experiences you have had. Romance and charm don't seem like a part of your nature, you don't have the time or energy for them. You have dealt with disaster after disaster and have no energy or desire to be a romantic, optimistic person.

How can you complete that unresolved issue?

Two of Cups:

Allow yourself to be romanced. You've been running away from this part of yourself for a long time now because you don't want to get your hopes up. You can heal yourself by being romantic with yourself and allowing others to romance you. You need to fall in love and experience true love in order to heal the wounds from your past life.

What is an important lesson you need to fully understand?

Five of Swords:

You have felt defeated almost all of your life in this lifetime and do not understand why you are being treated unfairly. As part of your lessons for this lifetime, you are to feel defeated and let that defeat direct you towards success because you never allowed that to happen in your past life. In the past, you gave up when faced with defeat, but in this lifetime you must persevere.

Ace of Cups:

Because you considered pure love to be beneath you in your previous life, you never experienced it. Your pursuit of success drove you. This life lesson is about learning to love innocently and purely. Do not run away from those emotions, but rather let them wash over you.

What is an energy/characteristic that you should channel from that life?

Queen of Swords:

Naturally, the Queen of Swords is a quick thinker and pretty smart. Every situation they encounter is viewed lucidly by them. In the past, you were like this, and this is how you should be now. Your success in this life will be further enhanced if you channel this energy.

Channeled Messages from Guides:

“Abundance, love, and wealth are coming your way.”

“The worse is now behind you and you are surmounting any previous challenges.”

Letters:

L

E

R

U

N

I

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you! Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[uncloseted]

What are some effective waya to become more productive?

what are some effective ways 2 be productive?

First things first, figure out what the problem actually is. Why are you struggling to be productive? Is it because you're a perfectionist and the idea of not doing the task perfectly stresses you out? Is it because you're lacking the motivation to do anything? Is it because you're struggling to concentrate, or because you're overwhelmed by the task, or because you don't know where to begin? There are tons of reasons why you might be struggling with productivity, and figuring out what the roadblocks you're encountering are can help you to find ways around them. Since I can't read your mind, I'm going to try and give advice that will work for most of the roadblocks you might encounter.

When it comes to big things, I recommend using the SMARTER & WOOP methods. SMARTER and WOOP are two tools that are really useful for behavior modification and other long-term goals you might have.

SMART(ER) is a tool to help you set the right goals for you.  Too often, we set goals like “I’m going to start exercising” or “I’m going to quit going on my phone”.  Those are great in theory, but without an action plan, it’s easy to not follow through.

SMARTER goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful.  If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you.  Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer ���yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals.  Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals.  That doesn’t mean that you’re failing at your goals or that you should quit; it just means you have to rethink the approach you’re taking.  Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short.  Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

The best goals are ones that include trying new things instead of quitting old ones.  Quitting things is hard; learning something new is easier and more exciting.  If you’re looking to quit something, replace it by establishing a new habit that takes its place.  For example, “I’m going to stop going on my phone,” is hard, but “when I feel like going on my phone, I’ll read a book for ten minutes instead” might be easier to maintain.

After you’ve figured out your SMARTER goal, it’s time to WOOP.  WOOP is something like the scientifically proven cousin of “manifesting”.  Just visualizing our goals or positive thinking on its own can be counterproductive, because it fools our lizard brains into believing that we’ve already achieved the goal.  By using the WOOP method, you can prevent that from happening and actually achieve what you want to achieve.

WOOP stands for:

Wish: Identify a wish that is challenging, yet attainable.  This should be your SMARTER goal.

Outcome: Imagine the best outcome as a result of your wish (as vividly as possible).  Really daydream about what your life would be like if you achieved your goal.

Ask yourself, what is the biggest benefit you could receive from achieving this goal?

Obstacle: Identify and imagine what obstacles will get in the way of your wish.

What might get in the way?  Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, old behavior patterns, bad habits, social pressure… identify as many as you can, then prioritize their likely they are to happen and how significant they would be if they did happen.

Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome the obstacles you identified- “if [obstacle occurs] then I will [plan A].”  Do your best to pick the most effective path you can for each obstacle, and identify a few different plans in case your first plan doesn’t work.

For example, if you wanted to start exercising, your WOOP might look like this:

Wish: Go on a run 3x/week after school/work for a month.

Outcome: Better energy, confidence, and health.

Obstacle: Feeling tired and hungry at the end of the day…Not wanting to go.

Plan: Pack a snack for the end of the day, and put on gym clothes right when you get home.

Or if you wanted to stop watching TV and read more:

Wish: Watch only 5 episodes of TV per week, and read when I feel the urge to watch TV for a month.

Outcome: Learn a lot. Get smarter. Feel better. Enjoy the great ideas. Feel like I’m spending my time wisely.

Obstacle: Not feeling like it. Preferring to watch TV.

P: If I catch myself watching TV, then I turn it off and start reading a book instead.

The last thing you can do to increase the chances that you’ll achieve your goal is to get someone else involved.  Either find a friend who’s setting the same goal that you are, or tell someone about your goal and ask them to help you achieve it by checking up on you.  It can also be helpful to put money on the line- give money to a friend with the understanding that you’ll get it back on a set date if you’ve achieved your goal.  If you really want to ensure that you reach your goal, tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause that you really hate.

For smaller, more day to day tasks:

Make a list of everything you need to do. Sort them into four categories- tasks that are Urgent & Important, tasks that are Not Urgent & Important tasks that are Not Important but Urgent, and tasks that are neither Urgent nor Important. Focus first on the tasks that are Urgent & Important. This can help you prioritize which things to work on first.

From there, take a look at each individual task and break it down into very small steps that you can't fuck up. These can be as small as "open laptop", "open Google Docs", "write name at top of the page", etc. If it helps, you can assign each one of these steps a point count, and then give yourself a treat once you collect enough points (10 points, 20 points, 50 points, and so on).

Once you have your list and have identified all of the steps, just do the first step. It can be daunting to start a big project or task; it's way easier to just do one thing. And once you do one thing, it feels easier to do just one more thing, and just one more thing, and so on until the task is complete.

Once you build up some momentum, I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique. Work for 20-25 minutes (or as long as you can really focus) and then take a 5-10 minute break. Stand up, get a drink, get a snack, watch a short TV episode or a YouTube video, look up that thing that was on your mind, whatever will give your brain a break. Then, set another 20-25 minute timer and get back to work. After three or four cycles of working and taking a short break, take a longer break.

A few other things that I think it's important to remember when it comes to productivity.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. You don't need to finish things, and you don't need to do them perfectly. If it's a choice between doing something badly or not doing it at all, it's always better to do it badly.

You don't need to do things the way other people would do them- do it how it works for you. Sometimes that won't make sense to other people, but that's all right. The only person it has to work for is you. If bouncing back and forth between different tasks works better for you than focusing on one task until it's done, then bounce back and forth between tasks. That's okay.

It's okay to ask for help. If you have trouble doing things, that's okay- find someone who can assist you. Maybe you're bad at projects that don't have someone to be accountable to. Find a friend who will hold you accountable. Maybe you're bad at projects without deadlines. Set deadlines for yourself and get someone to make sure you meet them. Sometimes you don't need to work through your shortcomings- you just need to find a way around them.

[twilightmalachite]

Fruitful OCTOBER - Chapter 2

Author: Nishioka Maiko, Happy Elements K.K

Characters: Kaoru, Nagisa

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofers: moricchiichan & meteorgreen

“Ahaha, this keeps getting cuter! What, does this mean Yuuta-kun has a love life? He's so shy, if he's having any problems he should just come to me~! ♪”

Season: Autumn

Location: Starmony Hall Dorm Room (Kaoru, Yuuta, Nagisa's Room)

Nagisa: ...Oh. Welcome back, Kaoru-kun.

Kaoru: Hi there, Ran-kun~! You have the day off today?

Nagisa: ...Mhm, that’s right. Though, you just missed Yuuta-kun.

Kaoru: Ah, I ran into him back there, actually. Speaking of, did something happen? He flew out so quickly.

Nagisa: ...I'm not sure.

...Oh. I believe he was just reading a magazine, exclaimed “Alright! Let's try it out!,” and then ran off.

Kaoru: A magazine? Oh, that one spread out on the bed over there? Hmm. It was left open, so it’s alright to look at, I guess? I wonder what he was reading about~.

Doesn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary, though... Hm? A page on grape picking?

Ohh? Isn't that elegant~? Autumn grape hunting sounds pretty cute, actually! ♪

Huh? But why would a page about grape picking have him in such a hurry? I'm not sure if it has much to do with it...

Nagisa: ...Indeed. I fail to see the relevance of it.

...Hm? Look, Kaoru-kun. Here.

Kaoru: Eh? Umm...? “Bring your love to fruition! ‘Fall’ in love with grape harvesting at our vineyard!”... What's this? What's all this bout?.

“Can these grapes really capture the heart of your special someone?!”...“Countless success stories from our patrons!”...?

Hmm... It says here that if you gift juice made from grapes harvested from this vineyard to the person you love, your love will apparently blossom.

Ahaha, this keeps getting cuter! What, does this mean Yuuta-kun has a love life? He's so shy, if he's having any problems he should just come to me~! ♪

Nagisa: ...? I've never heard of something like this.

...Grapes are nutritious and contain many different types of polyphenols, proving effective in helping recover from fatigue and preventing the thickening and hardening of arteries.

...However, I do not think they can cause infatuation.

...Or were new benefits discovered that I just do not yet know about?

Kaoru: Ahaha, you're so earnest, Ran-kun. It's okay. It's more fun if you suspend your disbelief and use your imagination, right?

Nagisa: ...Imagination?

Kaoru: Mhm. Though, it's just a rumor in the end. This small vineyard is just selling it as a little bonus alongside their grapes.

But still, does it really mean it's not real? Like, someone wavering on confessing their love might actually hit it off because of these grapes.

In that sense, it'd be more romantic to believe that there are grapes that make your love blossom, don't you think?

Nagisa: ...Hmm. So that's how it is.

Kaoru: And it's not like I don't enjoy these sorts of things, either~! It's a great thing to talk to girls about!

And look at this! Looks like they brew wine at this vineyard as well.

Wouldn't it be romantic to make wine there, let it age, and wait until the person you like grows old enough to drink to give it to them?

Nagisa: ...Maybe so. I'm not well acquainted with these sorts of things...

...But I can understand it, even if I can't sympathize.

...Love—Oh, could that be why Yuuta-kun went to Anzu-san?

Kaoru: Cough!? Cough…! Hack…

Nagisa: ...Are you okay, Kaoru-kun?

Kaoru: I-I’m alright—Cough. Just choked on my own, uh, surprise...

Umm? Did you just say “Anzu-san”? Did I mishear you?

Nagisa: ...No, you didn’t. I’m certain I just said “Anzu-san”.

Kaoru: Ho—Hold on, wait. What do you mean by that? Why is Anzu-chan being brought up?

Nagisa: ...Earlier, Yuuta-kun had said, “I've gotta check it out with Anzu-san!,” and rushed out.

Kaoru: Huh!? Tell me more, right now!

Nagisa: ...There is nothing to specify... That's all he said. He said that as he rushed out, so I believe he went to her.

Kaoru: Why would Yuuta-kun go to Anzu-chan?!

Nagisa: ...Well, I'm not Yuuta-kun, so I cannot be sure, but...

...Judging from his behavior and the hints we've gathered thus far, perhaps... Yuuta-kun plans to give Anzu-san the grape juice to make their love blossom. Fufu, romantic, isn't it?

Kaoru: No it's not!?

Nagisa: ...Hm. That's not what you said earlier.

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[sixteenthshen]

Episode 1 Notes/Meta

Contains minor spoilers up to Youtube's schedule and references to the novel

Since I don’t have any new episodes to watch until Friday, I decided to watch the drama all over again, very closely, to see if there’s anything new to discover.

Zhou Zishu's character: 

Drama immediately sets the backdrop/tells us why his character is kinder, more compassionate than in the novel. We don't know that drama!ZZS is kinder yet at this time, but we can see that he's schemey and sneaky

He wears a mask of indifference as the Window of Heaven's leader (sorry ZZH, I was wrong. I thought your acting was stiff during one scene, but now I know better). It's one of the many subtle faces of ZZS.

Wen Kexing's character:

He must be a highly-skilled martial artist based on how easily he kills two ghosts and that he can spot another skilled martial artist from a distance (beggar Zhou)

He's quite schemey. First, when he orders all his subordinates out to hunt for a man he just killed. Next, when he lets Gu Xiang go to check on the beggar, he's also subtly using her to test that unknown person's martial arts skills.

Why they're soulmates:

WKX understood immediately what "beggar" Zhou was doing (suntanning)

They're both well-matched schemey bastards

Behind the cut, geographical details and some details about the supporting characters. This is a very text-heavy post FYI

In chronological order:

20 years ago, Rong Xuan was killed by the Five Lakes Alliance and the gathered heroes.

Prince Jin is based far away in the North (Hedong 河东), where he holds power. It implies most of the story later takes place closer to the south of China.

Prince Jin ordered the Window of Heaven (TC in short, for Tian Chuang) to assassinate the Military Governor of Zhenwu (Officer Li). The Zhenwu Army is located somewhere around Inner Mongolia today.

Prince Jin falsely claims the Military Governor is a traitor to the country and has him assassinated. Prince Jin harbours treasonous thoughts, and in turn, makes ZZS and TC traitors.

Officer Li recognized Zhou Zishu by sight (calls him Officer Zhou), which means that they must have met previously somehow. He is shocked to know that ZZS is the leader of TC, so TC must be a secret assassin/spy organization (like an ancient CIA)

Zhou Zishu gets a drop of blood on his sword and flicks it off – he does not like blood.

Princess Jing An knows ZZS and first calls him Zhou shixiong (her first instinct is to use a familiar address). She later changes it to Officer Zhou when she realizes what he did.

Princess Jing An quotes, "The flowers blossom in all four seasons, knowing everything in the world", which makes ZZS turn to look at her - he sees the hairpin that his shidi Qin Jiuxiao made for the one he loves. ZZS gets super sad.

This line of poetry refers to the Four Seasons Manor (ZZS's martial arts sect)

ZZS, during his time as a court official, intentionally has a blank mask, so his emo is seen only in his slightly teary eyes.  Removing this mask is also part of the freedom he seeks. Possibly symbolic that he feels freer living behind a physical mask than he does with his face.

Prince Jin ordered ZZS to personally nail the seven nails into Bi Chang Feng (Uncle Bi). It seems somewhat cruel of the Prince. ZZS walks with 2 of his commanders – Duan Pengju and Han Ying.

Uncle Bi calls ZZS Manor Lord (庄主)*. He says he cannot help but suspect the motives of Prince Jin. ZZS shows a slight reaction to this. He knows the motivations of Prince Jin by now. Not only is he a traitor himself, but he dragged all his 81 men down with him.

This is the root cause of ZZS's different personality traits in the drama and novel. I think his character in both the book and drama adaption is similar, but his additional compassion stems from being placed in different circumstances.

Novel!ZZS did terrible things for the right reasons. As a result, he won't feel as guilty and has less reason to be so compassionate.

Drama!ZZS followed the wrong master, and the awful things he did were for treasonous reasons. There's no justification for the lives he took. Because he did worse things, he's better able to "see the light" and understand things in life better. Therefore, kinder.

The motto of the Window of Heaven (as requested by Prince Jin):

The members are to carry out their missions without leaving a trace (shadow without traces)

Once a person enters TC, they're never to leave (entry without exit.)

To know everything and to be everywhere.

When the camera cuts to ZZS's two senior officers, Han Ying shuts his eyes sadly while Duan Pengju has a slight smile on his face 🤨🤨.

Nails of Seven Torments (七窍三秋钉) – seven nails, each to be driven into the seven primary acupoints (for martial arts) in a person's body. After that, a person won't get to see more than three autumns. They would lose their martial arts ability entirely, and their five senses deteriorate over time, preventing the secrets of TC from being leaked. (see #2 of their motto)

ZZS does not like anyone who's not from his sect to call him Manor Lord, as it's a reminder of his failings. He doesn't think he has the right to be called that any longer since he ruined his sect.

Prince Jin calls ZZS by his name directly (Zishu); it implies a certain level of familiarity. However, ZZS hasn't been presented himself in front of Prince Jin in some time, suggesting he has already distanced himself from Prince Jin (and a certain level of disrespect)

From Duan Pengju, we learn that ZZS hadn't taken up his sword much in the past year due to a lingering injury; this time at the Military Governor's residence was the first time he wielded his sword in a while.

DPJ also uses this word again (又) in Chinese to describe ZZS aggravating his injuries again (that isn't in the YT subs), which implies that he has suffered other internal injuries before, not solely from QJX's death. DPJ is subtly suggesting to Prince Jin that ZZS is no longer very fit and not suitable for his role (shows us his ambition).

ZZS's current injury (that Uncle Bi refers to and why he coughed up blood in the snow) came about after Qin Jiuxiao's (shidi) death. He coughed up blood then and fainted.**

ZZS's residence is called Chongming Garden (重明苑), where he has a mural of 82 white flowers and the line of poetry about the Four Seasons Manor. He paints each flower red when one of his original sect members pass away. There's only one white flower left --- himself.  See this link for a more detailed translation.

ZZS scolds a vision of his shidi not to cry. ZZS's assertion that men shouldn't cry comes up several times later. His eyes only get teary after this scene, and not a single tear falls again (still canon for now).

ZZS has an official court position. He's an Imperial Guard with some seniority, and it's likely why the Military Governor calls him Officer Li. (A governor would not call a low ranked Imperial Guard “Officer” 大人 daren)

ZZS has several battle wounds from a blade, but the ones on his back (shoulder blades) look messy. Not sure what they are yet, but I think it could become relevant later.

Prince Jin appears unstable when he talks about everyone leaving him. Yunxing and Beiyuan are both characters from Lord Seventh. Beiyuan is the titular character of that novel. When Prince Jin said, "Beiyuan is gone too", ZZS displays a minute reaction because he knows Beiyuan isn't actually dead.

Prince Jin says ZZS is ruthless, but he's even more so to himself (recurring description).

Here, we see that ZZS knows of DPJ's ambition to take over his job when he says they both get their wishes today. DPJ becomes the new TC leader.

Prince Jin lets ZZS go. As he watches ZZS leave, he recites two lines from a poem, which title roughly translates to "on one's deathbed/imminent death".***

“涓涓江汉流，天窗通冥室。谗邪害公正，浮云翳白日。” Small streams can become large rivers; even a window as small as a skylight can brighten a dark room. Rumours and evil can harm the public good; clouds can block the bright light of the sun.

There's some foreshadowing here. Prince Jin sees ZZS leaving as a threat. It could be that one person leaving TC "standing" may lead to an exodus or that ZZS knows too much to be left alive outside for long. Prince Jin sees himself as the righteous and the sun here. He follows the recital by saying he's only letting ZZS go for now.

ZZS's beggar styling is supposed to juxtapose his strict and neat dress as the leader of TC, including his hair and overall CBAssed-ness of how his clothes hang.

Hanged ghost died super quick. We see an arm covered in a red sleeve strangle him to death. Red sleeve dude seems to be the head of the Ghost Valley (yaaaaa we know who you are)

WKX lies to the masses about the Hanged Ghost and tells them to set forth out of the Ghost Valley. We can see that all of them are scared of him. He has a scheme -- but we don’t know what it is yet.

WKX and ZZS meet (yay!!!) in Yue (modern-day Zhejiang, in the south), far away from Prince Jin. We should note that this is very far away from the North, where Prince Jin and TC hold power.

ZZS would rather be a beggar than the Emperor. The freedom to live and do whatever he chooses is more important to him than riches or power.

WKX understood what ZZS was doing right away (while GX thinks he's a beggar). This is why they're soulmates!

Gu Xiang's cuteness comes off as a little forced here, but upon re-watching, I believe it's because she hasn't been out in the "human world" before. Her mannerisms are all learned from her life in the Ghost Valley. She's also about ten years younger than WKX, so she's supposed to be more energetic.

WKX allows GX to go down partly because he is curious about the beggar, who seems to be very skilled at martial arts. GX is quite a straightforward and innocent person. She's unaware that she's helping to test the beggar's skills for her master.

WKX notices the ZZS's martial arts and stands up right away. This scene is also more important than it seems to be at first. Later in episode 2, it's revealed that he recognized the beggar's particular martial arts as unique to the Four Seasons Manor sect. I think it's the first hint that beggar Zhou may be "Zhou Zishu". (We find out that WKX knows ZZS's real name in episode 6.)

ZZS intentionally hits himself to make himself seem like a poor injured beggar and GX a bully. It shows that ZZS is sneaky ��� and again, ruthless, even to himself.

* ZZS is not a real lord. He's the sect leader (Manor Lord comes about because his sect's name ends in Manor, and the address "my lord" comes from Manor Lord). ** This is a fictional type of injury, where people in Chinese historical dramas cough up blood when they suffer severe emotional shocks that cause some unexplained internal injury. *** 《临终诗》

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Nineteen

The drive was quiet. Robyn watched Chris out the corner of her eye as he drove. He seemed normal but there was something nipping at her that there was something going on. 

“Is there something wrong? Am I growing a second head or something?” Chris asked.

“No. Why would you say that?”

“I feel you staring at me.”

“Sorry. I just zoned out for a minute.”

“Oh.”

They made it through the whole day without much issue. After stopping for dinner, Chris drove them home. Anesa had fallen asleep in the car so Chris carried her to her bed while Robyn settled Christian in for the night. As she stepped into their bedroom, she watched as Chris dug through his nightstand and pulled out a pill bottle. Taking two pills and taking a sip of water, he put the bottle back.

“There is something wrong with you.”

Chris turned at the sound of her voice, “what are you talking about?”

“You’re taking medication again.”

“And?”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“When was I supposed to? It’s not like we’ve had a conversation in the last few weeks. We agreed for me not to push, remember?”

“Chris, I think you’re taking this way more personal than you need to.”

“Considering how personal this is, that statement is a bit asinine, don’t you think?”

“What medication are you taking?”

“Something prescribed by my doctor.”

“Christopher.”

“My anti-depressants.”

“Are you depressed?”

“Trying not to be, rather get into my preventative methods now before it becomes an issue.”

“Am I making you depressed?”

“You can’t make me anything. You can trigger me but you can’t make me depressed so no.

“Am I triggering you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Anymore questions?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No but I don’t want you to stay if you’re miserable either. I can’t get a handle of how you feel or what exactly you want from me. If staying here isn’t making you happy, maybe we need to find another way to coexist.”

“I guess.”

“Is this why you were staring at me in the car? Did you sense something?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Wasn’t the time”

“And now, all you got for me is an ‘I guess’”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Chris.”

“I just want you to talk to me. Like we used to talk. I feel like I’m losing my mind and myself in this meanwhile you’ve completely checked out. I am way more invested in this being an actual relationship than you are and-”

“And how would you even know that?”

“Because that’s all I’ve been shown. By all means, show me where I’m wrong and I’ll gladly change my point of view.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I’m not being sarcastic. I get nothing from you. Not a good morning. Not a hello. The only time you pretend to like me is when our children are in the room. Any other time, complete silence. Ignoring me like I’m invisible. Like I’m not even here.”

“Because Chris, on the topics you want to talk about, I have nothing to say.”

“Because you don’t care?”

“Because I’m tired. I’m hurting. I am just trying to make it through the day. I’m still bleeding. I can’t stand longer than 20 minutes. I can’t walk more than 15 minutes. Every other day I feel like my damn lungs are gonna collapse and all you want to fucking talk about is this relationship. I don’t get a damn how do you feel today, Robyn? For once in this lifetime, can somebody be worried about my damn health? That baby damn near ripped me in half and somehow only you get to be depressed. I can’t even look at myself in the damn mirror and you’re only concerned about why I’m not looking at you. You so worried about being this perfect husband to make up for before but guess what, I don’t care about you being my perfect spouse, can you just be my fucking friend? Can I get a hug without it being anything more? Can you sit with me and just be there? Why does everything have to be so damn emotional and complicated with you?”

“Robyn. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s not like you really wanted,” Chris noticed her chest starting to heave, he rushed over to catch her before she fell. He carefully held her to his chest, “I need you to just take deep breaths for me, Sweetie.”

“Chr-”

“I don’t want you to talk. Just deep breaths. In and out. I don’t want you to raise your blood pressure and I need you to catch your breath. Just slow.”

Robyn’s breathing started to gradually return to normal. Chris rocked her gently, “there you go. Slow breaths. In and out.”

A few more minutes passed before Chris felt comfortable having Robyn sit up in his lap, “how long have you been having breathing problems?”

“Since I left the hospital.”

“Did you tell your doctor?”

“He knows. He prescribed me some medication.”

“Have you been taking it?”

“Whenever I can’t breathe, yes.”

“Where is it?”

“In the nightstand on my side of the bed. It’s an inhaler”

Chris scooted across the floor to get closer to the nightstand and reached into the top drawer until he felt an inhaler and handed it to her. Robyn shook the item then placed it to her mouth and pressed down on the trigger twice. Chris wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against him. He kissed her temple and rubbed her arm, “have you had any seizures or anything?”

“No, he put me on an anti-seizure medication too. Before you ask, I take it every morning.”

“We’ve really been disconnected these past few weeks, huh?”

“Not exactly by accident.”

“I can admit that.”

“Chris, what are we doing here? Nothing about this is working.”

“If I knew, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. This wasn’t how I imagined us being together again. Maybe I should've listened to you.”

“This isn’t an “I told you so” moment. Clearly, you saw something I didn’t and maybe we were both wrong but we’re here now, we gotta figure something out.”

Chris sighed as he continued to rub her arm, “I have an idea. It might sound crazy but it’s something.”

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chris, this feels so silly. I know you’re right down the hall,” Robyn remarked as she stared at the black screen of her laptop. 

“I know but clearly, we need to ease back into this communication thing because we definitely got off track somewhere.”

“And how is this supposed to work?”

“Part of the appeal of how we met again was us not seeing each other. All we got to react and respond to were our words, not our body movements or facial expressions. I think we should start there and ease our way back to normal.”

“Chris, I don’t know.”

“Let’s try it and if it doesn’t work we’ll go back to the drawing board.”

Robyn sighed, “I guess. So how are we doing this?”

“We’ll pick a topic to discuss. One topic and we’ll hash our issues out one at a time.”

“You picking or me?”

“You can pick.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were back on your antidepressants?”

“I didn’t think it was relevant or that you even cared. We weren’t talking and barely shared a room.”

“But that’s a completely separate issue from your health.”

“Sure but I could say the same thing about you and I actually took you to your doctor’s appointments.”

“You never asked. Literally not since the day I came home from the hospital have you made any inquiries about my health.”

“Robyn, I do everything that I can for you all the time.”

“You do what you THINK I need you to do, never once have you asked me. I need you to sit with me and give me a hug way more than I need you to get me a glass or water. I need you to walk around the block with me way more than I need you to pick out my clothes. I need your presence, not your labor.”

“I didn’t think about that.”

“I can admit that maybe I should’ve said something but trying to talk to you when you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong is really hard. And not that you were doing anything wrong but what you were doing wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t doing for me what you thought it was and that is so much harder to explain without sounding ungrateful.”

“I’ve never thought you were ungrateful.”

“You just thought I was being a bitch.”

“Well….yea.”

Robyn chuckled, “I’ve been struggling with this recovery and learning how to accept this new Mommy me and trying to do that while navigating your emotions has me short-circuiting. I checked out to save my sanity not to hurt you.”

“Hearing this, I can understand that and I sincerely apologize for not being that safe space for you like I promised to be. You were just moving around so comfortably, it never occurred to me that something was wrong and then when you started ignoring me or snapping at me, I just thought it had to be something I did.”

“All this time I’ve been telling you that everything is not about you.”

“Well you’ve been telling me that in the middle of a disagreement, kind of hard to take that at face value.”

Robyn laughed, “I can accept that.” 

“So now what exactly are we doing here?”

“This Mr. Brown was your idea, did we meet our first goal?”

“I think we’ve made a good start. You?”

“It is a bit easier not having to worry about whether my facial expression is going to offend you or not.”

“You do have a hell of a poker face, you must admit.”

“I do. Can I see my boyfriend now?”

“You would like my presence?”

“I would like it very much.”

“On my way.”

Within a few moments, Chris playfully plopped on the couch beside her and pulled her into his arms.

“I know I didn’t say it on the call but I am really sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologize because I understand what you did and why you did it. Me, of all people, should’ve seen the signs but I was so laser focused on the relationship, I wasn’t focused on you and that is ultimately my fault,” Chris replied.

“It’s not your job to be a psychic.”

“No but if I wanted you to notice what was going on with me, I should’ve been just as vigilant with you, right?”

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

Chris laughed, “our babies are asleep. It is still fairly early, what do you want to do?”

“Sit here with you.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Thank you for talking with me.”

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait a minute, all this shit was going on with you and you didn't tell us,” Melissa said with a frown.

“It wasn’t like that, honestly. There was so much going on with the kids and Chris, I really didn’t want to be bothered with anybody,” Robyn replied.

“Sis, with so much going on, that’s exactly when you need to be bothered with us. Just like before, you wait until things get horrible before you say anything. It’s not good for either of you.”

“You’re right.”

“Does Chris have any friends?”

“None that I’ve seen him hang out with. He’s literally been either here with me or at work since we’ve been back together.”

“He doesn’t go out on the weekends or nothing.”

“Not that I know of. Then again, I can only speak for when I started living with him, what he did before that I don’t know.”

“Well what do either of you do to relieve stress?”

“I watch TV or whatever. Usually he’ll work out when he’s finished with classes but other than that, nothing.”

“You don’t go anywhere?”

“I can’t go anywhere. It’s not like I can freely walk around, I have to take the damn wheelchair.”

“I was wondering why you still using it.”

“I cannot breathe half the time. I am on anti-seizure medication and I cannot stand for more than 15 minutes. Yes, I still need the wheelchair.”

“What did your doctor say?”

“It’s complications from the pregnancy, and the seizure I had after my c-section. My body just hasn’t recovered yet.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Tell me about it. The only time I really get outside is when I take my walks which is really just me pushing my wheelchair around the neighborhood until I can’t walk anymore, since I get tired so easily.”

“So what about after the kids are settled?”

“I go to sleep. I don’t know what Chris be doing.”

“Y’all are in the same room.”

“No. He sleeps in the guest room.”

“So y’all haven’t-” Melissa gave Robyn a look and she laughed.

“No Melissa, we haven’t had sex. We haven’t slept together since-  in over 4 months.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I’m not in the condition to be fucking.”

“Ok but no foreplay? No nothing?”

“Nothing. We just started actually being nice to each other like two days ago, fucking was pretty much off the table even if I was healthy enough to engage in it.”

“Y’all really have changed because back in the day, mad or not, y’all used to get it in. WIth other people in the same house too.”

Robyn laughed, “we were young, horny, and carefree. Wasn’t nothing that serious to not have sex over.”

“And why can’t it be like that now?”

“Experience changes things.”

“That’s true.”

“It’s hard to get aroused by someone you just wanted to choke five minutes ago.” Melissa laughed, “you are so right, Sis. Sometimes Juan drives me to drink. It’s just-ugh.”

“Men.”

“Tell me about it. So about this new method y’all are trying?”

“Chris made a point of how more open we were when we couldn’t see each other. He thought maybe we should do a voice only video chat so we could focus on our actual words and not the delivery. It was weird at first but it kind of worked.”

“That’s great. I am concerned about neither of you discussing your health issues. Y’all could’ve both been severely injured and neither would’ve never known.”

“We did agree that was a childish assumption we both made about each other. He wants to invite me to sit in on one of his therapy sessions.”

“Really? Are you gonna do it?”

“I don’t know. I kind of feel like I’m invading his safe space.”

“Or he wants you to be a part of his safe space. I think it’s sweet.”

“I guess. I’m gonna have to think about it. We’re still in a new space right now and I don’t want to rush anything.”

“That’s understandable. So what’s the plan?”

“We don’t really have one. We’ve been pretty much winging it from  day one, no need to stop now.”

Melissa laughed, “so he is moving back into the bedroom?”

“He says he is but we’ll see what happens tonight.”

“Y’all going back upstate today?”

“We were supposed to after he checked in with his bosses but that should’ve been over hours ago now that I think of it.”

“Maybe he wanted to give you time to hang out with your friends. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“That’s because you won’t make that 2 hour drive.”

“You say that like 2 hours isn’t long as hell.”

“It really isn’t. Just get Juan to drive you up then.”

“He hates driving, that’s why we live in the city. Public transportation.”

“Ugh, y’all suck.”

Melissa laughed, “so how’s my babies?”

“They are good. Anesa is growing overnight and Christian is just the cutest little chunk.”

“Aww…” Robyn handed Melissa her phone to look at some pictures, “they are just adorable. Nesa with all that hair.”

“Girl….I thank God Leandra taught me how to braid because her hair is too much.”

“Christian’s hair is gonna grow a lot too.”

“Hopefully he’ll want to cut it when he’s older especially if it grows like his father’s.”

“I think he should grow it out.”

“We’ll see. Mel, can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“You ever regret not having kids?”

“No. I don’t think parenting is for everybody. I love kids, don’t get me wrong but everything that comes with having children is just not for me.”

“Oh.”

“You know Lele’s thinking about having another one?”

“With Max?”

“With who else? I wish she would just marry that man and get it over with.”

“I thought they did get married in PR and just didn’t say anything about it.”

“Them two clowns didn’t go through with it. She got into it with his mother then her and Max got into it so it didn’t happen. Waste of my damn money.”

Robyn laughed, “well, you did get a vacation out of it.”

“That’s true.”

“What did they argue about?”

“His mother didn’t like the fact they were technically eloping, Max had the nerve to slightly agree with her and Lele let him have it. Told him to marry his mother if he wanted a traditional wedding so bad.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, she did.”

“That girl is wild.”

“Ch...they are all a mess.”

“I wonder if she’s already pregnant to be honest.”

“It would explain her wanting to have all three kids together all the time. Getting some practice, maybe.”

“Let’s ask her.”

Robyn called Leandra on FaceTime and waited as it rang. Within a few moments, her face came on the screen, “what’s up old bitches?”

“I know you aren’t cursing in front of my children,” Robyn said.

“Do you see them anywhere in the background? So, no.”

“Whatever. What you doing?”

“Taking a break while the kids are taking a nap. When y’all coming back from lunch?”

“In a little bit. Got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“You pregnant again?”

“Who told you?”

“Nobody. So you are and didn’t say anything?”

“I’m still in the first trimester. I always wait until the second to say anything. How’d you know?”

“It was just a wild guess since Mel said you were considering having another baby.”

“Yea, I figured I get the last one out the way while my eggs still worked.”

Robyn laughed, “you are so stupid. So how’s Daddy taking it?”

“Max is happy. He’s been talking about it since Maxwell turned one.”

“Well that’s good. So why didn’t you tell me you and him didn’t get married over vacation?”

“Because I was still mad his short neck Mama messed it up. He was perfectly fine with just us, two witnesses and the preacher until she came in spouting Spanish and getting on my nerves. “Oh, no one in our family elopes. You already had a baby out of wedlock, at least have a real wedding.” I was two seconds from cussing her out so I just cussed her son out instead.”

“Lord Le.”

“Look, me and her have stayed out of each other’s way the entire time me and Max have been together. That was not the day for her to decide to find a voice and start sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I guess.”

“So when’s your wedding?”

“I don’t remember saying I was having one.”

“You might as well, you already had a baby with the man.”

“I just started talking to him again this week, let’s not.”

“Y’all finally stop being childish, huh?”

“Whatever.”

“You were the one calling my house, thinking you were about to drive an hour and a half in the middle of the night to pick up your kids just so you didn’t have to talk to him. Childish is the correct term.”

“You don’t have to remind me.”

“So you’re talking? Are y’all fucking yet?”

“I physically cannot have sex right now.”

“Your stuff still split open?”

“Leandra!”

“What? I had a baby, I remember those first few months.”

“I’m still bleeding. My lungs are trash and I can’t stand or walk for longer than 15 minutes.”

“Did the seizure do that?”

“Yea.”

“Oh I’m sorry Boo. I guess ever having another one is out of the question.”

“Oh of course. Once I’m stable, I am getting my tubes tied. I got my baby and I am good. He wants more then we’ll just adopt again.”

“That’s true.”

“Are y’all gonna get married at some point?”

“Probably in a few weeks. I don’t want to be all bloated and shit on my wedding day, even if it is us just standing in front of the judge. Our license is still good, we just gotta get the final part done and we’re married.”

“Me and my wheelchair will be there this time.”

“Good because it’s happening in NY. I am not wasting anymore money going out of town just for his Mama or somebody to ruin it. No go.”

Robyn laughed, “I hear that. Well Mel and I will be there in a little bit. Get some rest, Mommy to be.”

“I am. Luckily Christian sleeps so well.”

“He’s a good baby.”

“Yea. Well see y’all in a while.”

“Alright Le.”

Robyn hung up and turned to Melissa, “what else you wanna do before I gotta get the babies?”

“Let’s go in Nordstrom real quick.”

“Let’s do it.”

[ruleroflimbo-a]

Restoration || Discord

Events: After absorbing Limbo and having carried inside her for months the dimension is finally restored to where it’s supposed to be Date: 28.03 Involved: Illyana Rasputin and Zatanna Zatara @mistressofmagic Mentioned: Kitty Pryde, Jean Grey, maybe some others Trigger warnings: injury tw, death mention tw Word count: 4,380

ILLYANA: Absorbing Limbo had been the only way to save it from destruction, it wasn't even something Illyana was sure was possible but she'd done it and now she was carrying the entirety of Limbo inside her, it was clear it was taking its toll on her. It wasn't a small thing she had done and she was sure if not for Zatanna's lessons in magic the process would have destroyed her. She'd gone to Zatanna immediately after it happened to ask for her help, she was going to need it if she was going to restore Limbo.

Illyana had fortunately moved Belasco's library out of Limbo before getting Ric to destroy the citadel that along with Zatanna's vast library there finally seemed to be a way that she'd be able to restore Limbo. She was sitting on Zatanna's couch, head in her hands as she tried to block out the pain while Zee went over everything in case Illyana had missed something. "If this doesn't work-" she said as she lifted her head, clearly exhausted and in pain "I'm not sure how much longer I can carry Limbo."

ZATANNA: It had taken Zee some time to recover, her magic had been frayed by her own magical mishap and Illyana was trying to hold all of Limbo within herself. She was brave for trying — but Zatanna couldn’t say it had been a wise decision. (Not that she had any place to talk, wielding magic haphazardly in an argument with her husband.) “Hey.” Zatanna’s voice was still hoarse, but the words made it out. She glanced up from the research that they had done and watched Illyana cradling her head, trying to block out the pain.

“It’ll work,” Zatanna said earnestly. “We won’t stop until it does.” Illyana was talking like she didn’t have much time left, like Limbo would consume her if it was left for too long. And… Zatanna wished that she could comfort Illyana with some magical fact tucked away in her brain that would claim that Limbo couldn’t do that to a person — but they both knew it could. It was a manifestation of something else, and she was carrying all of it within her. If she didn’t get it out soon… There might not be any Illyana left to save. “We’re doing it now,” Zatanna finally decided. “We’ve been over the plan a dozen times, there is only one way this works. No reason to put it off.”

ILLYANA: She wasn't sure who had done the dumbest thing out of them, Illyana absorbing a whole dimension or Zatanna resurrecting someone, though she'd probably go with herself as the aftermath could be a lot worse than Zatanna's. Trying to keep a dimension inside her was difficult, not to mention painful, she felt like she was being torn apart from the inside which might be exactly what was happening. She was managing the pain, barely, with help from her magic. Did she tell Zatanna she had turned to dark magic in her fight against Belasco and in trying to manage the pain or did she keep it to herself and hope nothing serious would come from it?

"You don't know that" neither of them did, they had their research and plan but there were still things that could go wrong or it could just not work at all. "What if my teleport is off?" Even her mutant powers had suffered from her absorption of Limbo and teleporting to the place where a dimension used to be was difficult on the best of days. "Are you sure it's ready?" She asked, though even if it wasn't they didn't exactly have that much time before they had to do something about Limbo, Illyana couldn't carry it inside herself for much longer.

ZATANNA: “Believing anything else doesn’t help us. And I do believe in us.” The odds might have been stacked against them and there was a chance they’d fail — but they had done their research. They had been sifting through each book that was relevant trying to find something that was proven… but no one had done this before. But who better to try than them? Illyana was latching onto their worst options, what would happen if her teleport was off, what happened if any of the magic was off?

They’d die. That was the only ending if they didn’t do this right, and that wasn’t an idea that Zatanna was willing to give life to. “It won’t be.” She looked at Illyana raising a finger as if to hush her before she started up again. “And I don’t know that, but faith works a lot of wonders.” She might not have believed in fate or destiny, but she believed in people. “No more doubting,” Zee said in a hushed voice, “It’s ready. The only one who needs to say yes is you.”

ILLYANA: Zatanna was right, they'd done everything they could to prepare, the only way to know if it worked was to try but it was risky and Illyana was hesitant to risk Zatanna's life for her own stupid decisions. "Maybe I should do this alone, then if it goes wrong..." if it went wrong it was only Illyana's life on the line, not Zatanna's, it would be better if she did it alone. "It's my mistake not yours, you shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of it" she couldn't let Zatanna risk her life because Illyana had almost destroyed Limbo and had to absorb it to prevent its destruction.

ZATANNA: “If anything goes wrong, I’ll be right there to help you make it right.” Illyana might have been just trying to protect Zatanna, but that wasn’t her job. If anything, it was the other way around. Zatanna had helped Illyana shape her magic, helped her become the woman she was today — and that meant something to Zee. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be,” Zee said firmly. “Whatever consequences there might be, I’ll deal with it when it happens. Until then, I’m not going to worry about that.” There were worse consequences of Illyana tried to keep this up, if she tried to keep holding Limbo inside of her. “I’m staying.”

ILLYANA: As expected Zatanna didn't go along with Illyana doing this alone, she wanted to argue more but she was tired and there was no way Illyana could do this spell on her own with the state she was in, something she was sure Zatanna knew as well. Even though she knew the chance of her successfully doing the spell on her own like this was pretty much nonexistent she would rather do it alone than risk Zatanna's life. She'd never be able to live with it if Zatanna got hurt because of this, though if this didn't work she probably wouldn't have to.

"I would argue but I don't have the energy right now" she told her as she slowly got to her feet and walked over to Zatanna, it was now or never she supposed. "Let's do this then" she said as she offered her hand to Zatanna so she could teleport them to the void where Limbo used to be.

ZATANNA: “Which is why you should save your energy.” Illyana had already used so much of it trying to convince Zatanna to leave — and that wasn’t happening. It was a waste of her energy and their time. She was there, and she’d help as much as she could. Pulling away from the papers that had been laid out on the table, Zatanna took a step towards Illyana and took her hand. The bruising on her neck was barely healed and her voice was just above a whisper, which meant, wherever they were going, it was Illyana’s magic that would have to focus it. Zee would help as much as she could, but she couldn’t pour from an empty glass.

ILLYANA: Save your energy. Zatanna was right Illyana needed to save her energy for the spell, she barely had any left, she wasn't even sure if she would be able to teleport them to where Limbo had once been, but she had to try. It felt like Limbo was tearing her apart from the inside, maybe because that's exactly what it was doing and she couldn't keep it contained for much longer. Once Zatanna took her hand Illyana closed her eyes, focusing, before she teleported them to the void where Limbo used to be. She summoned a pentagram beneath them, the glowing white energy the only light source, the usual white/silver energy was different now though, an orange tint playing at the edges of it, Illyana's eyes even briefly glowed orange as she summoned the pentagram, hopefully Zatanna wouldn't notice something was off.

She sat down with her legs crossed, levitating over the pentagram as she prepared for the spell, she had to use all of her energy for this which meant that if it didn't work she wouldn't have Limbo to draw extra energy from and she would suffer the same fate she had four years ago. "I'm ready... I think."

ZATANNA: The dark surrounded them. This eerie place where something should have been but was occupied by a nothingness that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Illyana had listened, for once, and stopped arguing with her. It wasn’t easy, giving it up like that. To put down the fight you had been fighting for years, proving to the world around you that you were ready for the challenges it offered and trying to hold it all on your own to prove your strength. But Zatanna had hoped in the time they had spent together, that she understood now that there was strength in numbers too. Strength in allowing people to help you. There was no shame in it, it wasn’t admitting defeat. It was understanding your limits and letting people fill in those holes for you.

Putting her hands together, Zatanna started whispering her own incantation. She couldn’t perform the spell herself, not the one that was needed to restore Limbo, but she could lend Illyana a hand. A magical hand. She whispered and when Illyana spoke again, Zatanna’s eyes flickered open and a small orb of light formed in the palm of her hand. Raw magical energy. It was a low-level spell, pulling magical energy and storing it. Extending her hand towards Illyana, Zee nodded her head. “A small boost couldn’t hurt.” A deep breath. “Let’s begin.”

ILLYANA: Normally Illyana tried to solve her problems on her own, she didn’t like to drag anyone else into her mess. She’d asked Jean to come to Limbo with her to confront Belasco in case Illyana failed, or in case she lost her humanity, she’d reluctantly asked for help because Belasco and Limbo was her responsibility, but she had been worried she couldn’t do it on her own. Illyana didn’t like asking for help, but this time, like when she asked Jean for help, she was worried she wouldn’t be able to do this on her own. Absorbing a dimension was one thing, restoring had turned out to be much much harder, she’d tried doing it on her own but she hadn’t gotten very far, so then she asked Zatanna for help.

It was rare Illyana asked for help, she did four years ago, but by then it had been too late and she gave up her life in order to protect Katya. It was the only thing that had mattered then, that she was safe, that she survived the fight. Four years ago she had asked for help too late and while she did prefer to not drag people into her mess she wasn’t going to make that mistake again. She hadn’t been able to restore Limbo on her own but hopefully now with Zatanna’s help she could restore it.

She didn’t know if this was going to work, if she had enough energy to complete the spell, or if the spell was going to work. It might go wrong and that was dangerous but she couldn’t carry Limbo around inside her anymore, she had to do the spell now or she would be too weak if she wasn’t already. Before she started the spell though she summoned her sword, leaving it hovering next to Zatanna. “If this goes wrong, grab the sword” she might have asked Zatanna for help but she wasn’t going to let her own mess hurt Zatanna, no one else would pay the price for Illyana’s choices. If this went downhill the sword would be able to get Zatanna out of there quickly and make sure she wouldn’t be hurt.

ZATANNA: This was a complicated mess that no magical user had faced before. Holding a dimension within herself and trying to pull it out of herself so that it could all come back together — Zatanna had never heard of anyone attempting something like this. And if they had, Zatanna was sure they wouldn’t have lived. Those thoughts twisted in her head, clouding what hope she had that this would end well with doubt and fear.

It was times like these that she wished she had a more direct line to Strange. He would have been able to help pave a way forward that wouldn’t endanger any dimensions. As he pointed out recently, her own slips had done herself and this realm, no favors. And knowing him, he’d know about this the second they started using magic again. Zatanna knew better than to believe that the magic required to pull this off wouldn’t send ripples to every sorcerer in existence. (Which could potentially cause all sorts of problems later. And Zatanna didn’t want to imagine what sort of scowl would be hidden behind Doctor Fate’s helmet.)

“The sword?” Zatanna found herself hesitating. Her brows knitting together. “Yana — I can’t.” The sword had never been in her possession and she wasn’t sure she could hold it, even if Illyana was offering it to her now. It was an extension of Illyana. Forged from her. And telling Zatanna to grab it and run? It sounded like Illyana had already resided herself to fail. She was expecting to fail. “No,” Zatanna said firmly. “This is going to work. And I’m not going to take the sword and run if it doesn’t.” Zatanna had never been particularly skilled at taking orders. But ones like these? She’d never follow. Even when they made sense. But especially now. Illyana had died. Rachel had died. Jean had died. Zatanna wasn’t going to accept this until it was inevitable. And even then, she’d fight it. “Focus your energy, Yana.”

ILLYANA: “You have to” Illyana said as she lowered herself to the ground, she was struggling to speak, even breathing was difficult, but she wasn’t going to start the spell until she got Zatanna to agree to take the sword. It was for the same reason she had brought Jean with her when she faced Belasco, she needed someone to claim the sword if she didn’t make it through this. “This might work and it might not, but I could die, even if this work I could die” there was no reason to tiptoe around the subject, even if she managed to restore Limbo she might not make it back to earth with Zatanna.

“If I die here the sword will bond to whoever touches it first” if she died on earth the sword would choose its own wielder like it had done with Katya, and with Jean when Illyana had lost her magic. Things were different if she died here, if she died in Limbo, or where Limbo was supposed to be, the sword would bond to the first to try to pick it up. “I need that to be you” the burden of the sword wasn’t something she wanted to put on someone else but she might not get a choice in this and it was important the sword didn’t fall into the wrong hands. “Promise me. I’m-” she doubled over as the pain got worse, barely catching herself with her hands, she was sure if she was standing she would have lost her footing. “I won’t do the spell… not until you promise me.”

ZATANNA: She was on the verge of shouting back that she didn't have to do anything, and talking about this like it was a done deal was offensive. But... Illyana explained further. The sword would bond to whoever touched it first if she died here. This place didn't have the same rules as Earth did, it wouldn't default to Kitty like it would have on Earth. Here... here it was up for grabs. By anyone.

Working her jaw, Zatanna swallowed. "Fine." Illyana was talking so freely about death again, it made Zatanna wonder if that was her intention, to come down here and die. Because the more that Illyana spoke, the more it seemed like Illyana knew something she didn't. Zatanna looked away from her, wanting to tell her that to ask her to do this, to force this responsibility on her without discussing it with her first — it was cruel. (But the world had given her too much to handle recently. Why would this be any different? Why would Illyana come out of this safe when the world could once again apply a little more pressure... trying to force the cracks in her heart to open up wider.)

"I'll take the sword. Now cast the spell. You keep avoiding it and the more time you take the harder this becomes, now do it."

ILLYANA: Her sword had already been in the possession of two others, neither time it was something Illyana chose, she’d never want to place the burden of her soulsword on someone else. This time she might choose who got the sword but it wouldn’t be her choice to give it to someone else, but it was necessary that Zatanna knew that if Illyana died here the soulsword would bond with the first person to touch it and she doubted either of them wanted the sword to end up in the wrong hands. The soulsword was a powerful weapon, one people had done unspeakable things in their attempts to possess the sword, which is why Illyana needed to know, if she died here that the sword would go to someone she trusted.

“I’m sorry and I hope you don’t have to” it really wasn’t something she wanted, especially if she managed to restore Limbo and still died Zatanna wouldn’t only get the sword she would be the new ruler of Limbo too and the burden of all that wasn’t something she wished to put on anyone else. Once Zatanna assured her she would take the sword if it came down to it, Illyana finally started the spell.

ZATANNA: She wondered how much Illyana had compromised their chances with all her waiting — angry and frustrated that Illyana kept talking like this was the end. It was like Illyana didn’t believe that they could do it. (And Zatanna found herself thinking about what she had told Miguel. About the power of faith. She wanted to shake her and tell her to believe, even for just a moment. Because belief, in Zatanna’s experience, was just as powerful as her magic.)

Zatanna crossed her arms, looking out at the void expanse around them. It wouldn’t be like this ever again. Not if this went right, at least. “Me too.” She didn’t want to have to return and tell everyone that she was once again, forced to watch someone she cared about die. Admit to being powerless to help. This couldn’t be the end of their story, and Zatanna had to hold onto that. Had to cling to that last bit of hope, because she was sure they’d need it to finish this.

ILLYANA: She knew time wasn't something she really had a lot of but there were certain things that Illyana considered more important than her own survival, making sure her sword didn't end up in the wrong hands was one of those things. Illyana had created the sword, she had created a powerful weapon and it was her responsibility to make sure it never ended up in the wrong hands, especially at a time like this. She had no desire to die again, she was trying to prevent that, but she had also accepted that there was a possibility she might not make it out of this.

Closing her eyes Illyana focused on her energy and the energy of Limbo that now resided inside her, absorbing Limbo had seemed so much easier than restoring it was. Once she managed to separate Limbo's energy from her own she could start to restore the dimension, though it was a lot easier said than done.

Illyana was visibly in pain and struggling, but she managed to keep her focus and separate Limbo’s energy from her own. As soon as the energies were separated she expelled the energy of Limbo from her body and suddenly the dark void was filled with a blinding white light. Not long after Limbo started to take form again, the ground, the mountains and the sky appeared, though it wasn’t complete yet, it was more a ghost of what used to be, a weak reflection. “I can’t-” she cut herself off, she was past the point of no return, if she stopped now Limbo would be absorbed back and it would most definitely kill her. She opened her eyes and they were glowing, her voice demonic as she spoke the incantation in demonic script, it wasn't easy but she managed to keep focus and Limbo started to become more and more solid.

ZATANNA: She listened after a lot of arguing back and forth, but she listened. And Zatanna too, in her own way. The sword was important but not as important as a life, and Zatanna was far more focused on Illyana making it out of this alive than she was about the sword making it out of Limbo. But she understood Illyana's fears. If someone else came in and took the sword, then someone else would hold all of that power in their hands. And neither of them wanted that.

(Zatanna didn't want to think that it was even a risk on the radar of things that might happen, but she rarely got what she wanted.)

"You can." The reply was immediate, no hesitation in her voice because this was something that had to be done. Illyana couldn't give up halfway through. There was no telling what would happen if she stopped in the middle. Zatanna could make assumptions, but this was new territory for them both, and this was... dangerous, in ways that neither of them had addressed beforehand. Not in any meaningful detail, at least. The space around them started to fill up with the familiar structures of Limbo. Becoming more than the nothingness that had been around them moments before. "Yana," she breathed. "It's almost done — just a little more. You can finish this."

ILLYANA: While Illyana was going to do everything in her power to make sure she made it out of this alive, she had accepted that might not happen. It was why it was important for her that Zatanna agreed to take the sword if the worst case scenario occurred, not only because of the power the soulsword possessed but because it was important to Illyana, it was a part of her, crafted from her soul and she didn’t want it to go to just anybody. Except herself there were only a select few Illyana would be comfortable having the sword, Zatanna was one of those few, even if she never wanted to put the burden of the sword on someone else if she could help it. “It hurts” she felt like she was being torn apart, it was hard to breathe but she couldn’t stop until the spell was completed, no matter how much it hurt she had to keep going. There was no way her body would be able to withstand Limbo being reabsorbed, which is what would happen if she was unable to complete the spell. Illyana was on her knees, supporting most of her weight on her arms, fingers digging into the ground which flickered between nothingness and the desert of Limbo, forcing the words to the incantation between gritted teeth. Limbo became more solid with each word she spoke. Soon enough she finished the spell, letting out an ear-piercing scream as the last of Limbo was ripped from her body. Unable to hold herself up anymore she collapsed onto the now solid ground, barely conscious.

ZATANNA: “I know,” Zatanna said, placing a hand on Illyana’s back, watching her double over in pain. It was hard to stand to the side and watch this all happen. “You’re almost done.” She wanted to believe that it would end here, but they both knew that magical events like this often had consequences. Everything in the universe was subject to those rules. Action and reaction. But at least she could hope that Illyana would stop being in so much pain. (But one thing at a time, she thought. The first part to this was surviving it. The rest could be figured out when they were safely outside of Limbo.)

Limbo was finally where it should be. The nothingness was filled with a desert landscape and Illyana was on the ground, barely moving now that she had finished the spell. Zatanna knelt down next to Illyana, barely looking at their surroundings before wrapping her up in her arms. “Ot Tsercwodahs.” She reached towards the orb of magic she had offered Illyana earlier, activating the energy there and using it to teleport them back to Shadowcrest. Zatanna caught her breath, a hand on Illyana’s head as she looked around the front room of the house. Everything was as it should be, but still, her heart was pounding in her chest. Limbo was restored. Illyana had survived. And they were safe. But her nerves were already prickling at things. “Hassan!” She called out. “Get my mom’s journal,” she instructed, rubbing Illyana’s head. “Mom had a knack for remedies. Maybe she’ll have something to help this too,” she whispered to Illyana, unsure if the girl could even hear her anymore.

[questionsonislam]

What are the benefits of eating and drinking a little? What should be the criterion for eating?

A person can get used to it by trying to eat less and leaving the table before getting full.

The stomach is like the pool of our body. The stomach is a kitchen where the nutrients and vitamins that all of the organs need are prepared. The feeling of eating and hunger that forms in the stomach is the primary desire. A person who is full feels a desire for sexuality. Then, he will try to work and earn a lot of money in order to maintain the satiety. The way to earn a lot of money is possible by being close to people of authority and higher-ups, to have good relations with them or to be a person of authority. It will increase the desire and ambition for money and fame. Ambition increases the desires of a person, and he may have to resort to some haram (forbidden) ways that are contrary to human honor in order to maintain his/her position. Satanic attributes like wrath, fury, animosity, grudge, ambition to be prominent will start to accompany that person.

As it is understood from that simple analysis, it will not be exaggeration to say, “to surrender to the stomach, which is the primary cause of all sins, means to be under its command.”

When we say "the tongue", what we mean is not its biological functions; similarly, when we say the stomach, we do not mean how it works and its digestive functions but where the desires originating from the stomach takes man and how it elevates and debases man. In this framework, we will deal with the merits of eating a little and the harms of eating a lot.

The words of the Messenger of Allah, his companions and saintly people about eating a little

"Fight your soul through eating and drinking a little. The reward of eating and drinking a little is like fighting (jihad) your enemies. There is nothing more rewarding than it before Allah.”

“The person who fills his stomach with food is not allowed to ascend to the sky of mysteries.”

“The loveliest ones among you before Allah are those who think a lot and eat a little. The least lovely ones are those who eat a lot, laugh a lot and sleep a lot.”

“Do not kill your heart by eating and drinking a lot. The heart is like a crop; the crop that is watered a lot decays.”

“The worst container that man fills is his stomach.”

“Allocate one third of your stomach to food, one third to water and one third to respiration (so that you will not be short of breath)”

“Do not fill your stomach completely so that you will have strength for worshipping and dhikr (mentioning the name of Allah and remembering Him).”

“The devil travels in a person’s body like the blood. Eat a little so that the ways of the devil will be blocked.”

“Your heart should see Allah; you may keep your stomach hungry and thirsty if you wish.” Hazrat Eesa (Jesus)

“Knock on the gate of Paradise with hunger and thirst. It will definitely be answered.” Hazrat Aisha

“A person who has enough food for himself and who gets up in the morning without needing anybody is the happiest man in the world.” (Malik B. Dinar)

Benefits of Eating a Little:

1- It brightens and enlightens the heart: Eating a little will cause an increase in the functions of the heart. Eating a lot will make the mind obtuse.

“The heart becomes pure and fine by eating a little.”

“Those who keep eating a little become intelligent, clever and strong in terms of thought.”

“Do not eat until you are full lest the fire of comprehension in your heart will extinguish. Comprehension is the way to Paradise and eating a little is the way to comprehension.”

2- The fineness of the heart and thought will increase, which will enable one to find pleasure in dhikr and prayer:

Eating a lot causes anger-fury and sleep. A person who eats a lot cannot find courage and strength for worshipping. Even if he worships and makes dhikr, it will take place in the tongue (superficially); it will not go down to the heart; the spirit will not take any pleasure from it.

“The eating table is a veil between Allah and you. It is impossible for those who are addicted to the eating table to take pleasure in prayer and dhikr.” (Junayd Baghdadi)

3- Eating a little causes weakness and brokenness: Eating a lot means to stir up the rebellious soul. A person who eats a little becomes humble, broken and weak. A slave cannot prostrate truly before Allah unless he sees his weakness. One of the ways of feeling one’s weakness is to eat a little. A person who eats a little will manage to thank Allah for His bounties and beg in front of Him more.

When the treasures of the earth were presented to the Messenger of Allah, he said:

“I do not want them!.. I like it better to fast one day and to eat one day because I show patience when I fast and I thank Allah when I eat.”

4- Hunger; It reminds us hungry people and increases compassion and mercy. Hunger reminds one the trouble of the people of Hell; thirst reminds one the scorch of the Gathering Place (mahshar). A person who does not undergo hunger cannot understand the situation of the poor that cannot find any food to eat. A person who eats a little and who fasts from time to time understands the situation of the poor better. It will enable to revive the feelings of mercy and compassion, increase in alms and helping. Mercy and compassion are the keys to Paradise.

They asked Hazrat Yunus (Jonah) (pbuh): “You have the treasures of the earth, why do you remain hungry?” He answered, “If I am full, I will forget about the situation of the hungry.”

5- Eating a lot depraves the soul:

When the soul is depraved, it gives in to all kinds of animal feelings and instincts especially lust and becomes under their command. The best way to train the soul is hunger. Eating until one is completely full means to invite sins through one’s own hands.

6- He who eats a little sleeps a little:

To eat a lot means to invite sleep and heedlessness, which brings about laziness and unwillingness to work and worship. They cause the destruction of man. A lazy person cannot find the energy necessary for mental and physical activities in his body.

7- He who eats a little will have a lot of time:

A person who allocates little time to eating will have more time for useful activities like learning, reading, working, listening and studying. To put it simply, he will spare the time spent for tasks like preparing meals, buying and carrying food

8- He who eats a little is saved from illnesses, drugs and doctors: The primary reason of diseases is eating junk food and eating greedily. If we think that diet is the main treatment method of doctors, another useful aspect of eating a little will be clear.

Modern medicine has approved how significant the meaning of this hadith is:

“Perform fasting so that you will be healthy”.

9- The expenditure of a person who eats a little will be a little:

He who eats a lot needs money and wealth. He who eats a little will be contented. Therefore, he will spend less money.

Ibrahim Adham said to a person who complained that something was very expensive while wandering in the market:

“Do you want to cheapen it?”

The man said “Yes”. Ibrahim Adham said:

“The easiest way to buy something at a cheaper price is not to buy it.”

10- He who eats a little will have strength for alms, patience and contentment:

A person who eats without wasting will have enough money and opportunity for giving alms, and he will realize patience and contentment more than everybody else.

The Messenger of Allah said the following by touching the abdomen of a fat companion:

“If you had put what you had put here in somewhere else, it would have been better for you.”

The saintly people said the following:

“The food that fills the stomach becomes investment for the toilet. What is given as alms becomes a capital for Paradise.”

What is filled into the stomach is investment for the body and toilet; they will not bring any spiritual earnings. It will be the most profitable investment to give away to people by cutting down on the stomach, to eat and drink moderately, to perform fasting from time to time, thus contributing to the health of the body and gaining rewards.

Those whose brains are dependent on their stomachs can never be successful in spiritual and mental works. If we see the stomach only as an organ that fulfils its function and as a storage supplying energy to the brain, then it will be possible for us to carry out effective works.

We should not forget that those who tried to be saintly people reached the truth by experiencing hunger and thirst that the prophets and apostles did not eat until they were full, that our prophet Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) could not eat enough barley bread and that he sometimes broke his fast by only one date and a glass of water.

***

What should the criterion be in eating?

Since "obesity" has become a remarkably common disease especially in developed countries, its treatment has become an important field of today’s medicine. Islam has laid down universal principles and methods that do not go out of date regarding every issue that interest man. What Islam has advised to prevent obesity are the targets that preventive medicine is trying to reach today.

The issues to be paid attention to in preventing obesity

Today’s medicine classifies the causes of obesity mainly under the headings of the content of the food, the amount of the food, the interval between meals, the feeling of fullness and the length of time for eating a meal.

The content of the food

Fat, sugar, protein, vitamin and minerals are taken into the body as basic substances. Among those, fat and protein weighted nutrition harms the vein system first and the relevant organ’s tissues later. The rate of death from atherosclerosis in the USA and developed countries is 50%. Due to the fact that the rate is so high, the tendency toward low fat diets has increased.

When excessive carbohydrate is taken, the extra glucose is transformed to fat in the tissues based on the metabolism in the liver. If there is more protein than the tissues can use in the diet, it is also stored as fat. That extra fat, sugar and proteins are stored in the body as fat makes the content of the food important. Our Prophet (pbuh) said:

"The stomach is the pool of the body; if the stomach is healthy, the veins will be healthy; if the stomach is not healthy, the veins will not be healthy."

Consequently, the content of the food that enters stomach is very important. If the stomach is filled with high-calorie food like fat, carbohydrate and proteins, the risk of catching atherosclerosis at the age of 40-60 increases depending also on the genetics of the family and the physiological program.

The amount of the food

The stomach and the intestines are organs that stretch and shrink. The normal volume of the stomach before stretching is 1.000-1.500 milliliters, and the length of the small intestines is 5 metres when they shrink. After the food that is taken into the stomach softened and is turned to chyme, it is sent to the small intestines (first to the duodenum). However, it does not mean that every food that is turned to chyme in the stomach will be poured into the intestines directly. The chemical properties and the amounts of the food is checked by the automatic system located between the stomach and the intestines; if the system placed there by the Creator does not find the food appropriate, the food will not be allowed to pass. The content in the stomach does not pass into the duodenum if the protein breakdown products and the content of the stomach are too much, the food is too fatty, the gastric fluid is hypertonic or hypotonic. That property of the content is used to check the exit of the stomach through reflex. Then, how much food should we take into the stomach. Our Prophet (pbuh) said the following about the amount of food in these two hadiths: "Man fills no vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to have a few mouthfuls to give him the strength he needs. If he has to fill his stomach, then let him leave one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air."

"Man fills no vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to have a few mouthfuls to give him the strength he needs. If he has to fill his stomach, then let him leave one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air." (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah At’ima, Musnad)

"The stomach is the pool of the body; if the stomach is healthy, the veins will be healthy; if the stomach is not healthy, the veins will not be healthy." (K. Khafa, Baghdadi, Qayyim, Ummal Zawaid)

"A believer eats in one intestine, and an unbeliever eats in seven intestines." (Bukhari, Muslim Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

• The most beloved of you to Allah is he who eats a little and is light in terms of the body weight.

• My greatest fear for you is the appetites of transgression with regard to your stomachs and your privates and the inclinations which lead astray.

• The first trouble that will affect the ummah after prophets is eating a lot and satiety. When people are full, their bodies become fatty but weakness appears in their hearts; their carnal desires increase and become difficult to control.

• Our Prophet (pbuh) said the following for the people of Madinah:

"The inhabitants of this town do not eat until they get hungry. They leave the table before they are full although they can eat as much as they have eaten. Therefore, they are not taken ill."

"The stomach is the home of the diseases; diet is the primary means of treatment. Give each body what it is accustomed to." (al Madkhal, K. Khafa)

If the total capacity of the stomach is assumed to be 1.000-1.500 milliliters, the amount of food taken during one meal, according to the hadiths, is about 333-500 milliliters depending on the anatomic structure of the body. With a rough estimation, a person whose stomach is big should not eat more than about 2,5 glassful of food at a meal (bread, main course, soup and fruit with the addition of 1/3 water, 666-1.000 cc becomes the amount to be eaten at one meal). It is approximately equal to the volume (700-1570 cm3) of the duodenum, whose diameter is 4-5 centimeters and length is 20-25 centimeters. Our Prophet (pbuh) expressed the littleness of the ideal amount by saying:

“A believer eats in one intestine, and an unbeliever eats until his seven intestines are full."

When the system was created, the organs were given the property of flexibility; the middle part of the small intestine (the jejunum) has a volume of 4 liters but it has a stretching capacity of up to 10 liters. Therefore, if a person eats a lot, the Creator has given the system of intestines the ability to tolerate it. When it is taken into consideration that the organs continuously stretch with the intake of excessive food and the complications of obesity appear, it will be seen that our Prophet (pbuh) expressed the ideal criterion for eating.

Interval between meals

Man feels two kinds of hunger: physiological and psychological.

In the physiological hunger, hunger cramps appear due to the food need of the body whereas in the psychological hunger, conditioning is in question. Hunger cramps appear with the intervals of 12-24 hours. If those cramps that start after taking the last food will reach the most intense levels in 3-4 days if they are not stopped through eating; in the following days, the cramps decrease gradually even if no food is taken.

In the psychological hunger, if meal times are determined as periods of less than twelve hours and if that order is followed, the body becomes conditioned to it in 5-7 days and the person feels hungry when the time comes. In the working places, since lunch breaks are generally at 12.00-13.00, a person feels hungry at 12.00-13.00 even if he has had breakfast at home at 08.00 in the morning because he is conditioned to have a meal four hours later. When the month of Ramadan starts, a few days later we forget about lunch and do not get hungry at 12.00. It is suppression of the psychological hunger by a new conditioning. Physiological hunger is the hunger that is felt through hunger cramps at 20.00 in the evening if one has had breakfast at 08.00. Therefore, except for diabetes and other exceptional situations, what is natural is to have two meals a day in accordance with physiological hunger.

The feeling of fullness and the duration of a meal

The period of time spent while eating a meal is very important. The food should be chewed a lot and ground in the mouth, which is the doorkeeper of the mouth. The longer the period of chewing and the hormones are secreted, the longer the feeling of fullness. The feeling of fullness does not depend on the amount of food but the period of chewing in the mouth. There are experiments that confirm it. Fistulas were opened in the esophagi of some animals and the food that they ate were sent out not to their stomachs. 20-40 minutes after the animals ate the food, they were given some more food but they did not want it and did not eat it. We can understand from the experiment that along with the amount and content of the food, the period of chewing in the mouth is also important for the feeling of fullness. Especially those who are on a diet should take it into consideration and should chew the low-calorie food in the mouth for at least 20 minutes and form the feeling of fullness.

Choosing the type of food in the diet

If a person is not ill and if he is overweight, he must know the amount of the calorie of the food he eats. For instance, if all of the 300-500 cc food taken at a meal consists of bakery products, the calorie to be taken is 1.050-1.750; if it is salami only, the calorie is 1.420-2.545. However, if the same amount of spinach is eaten, it will be equal to only 50-80 calories. The daily calorie need of a person changes between 1.800 to 3.500 calories based on his work. A person who eats 350 grams of salami must not eat anything else within 24 hours if he does not want to put on weight. The amount and content of the food is more important than daily meals. Our Prophet (pbuh) said the following for the people of Madinah:

"The inhabitants of this town do not eat until they get hungry. They leave the table before they are full although they can eat as much as they have eaten. Therefore, they are not taken ill."

Leaving the table full by eating too much enlarges the stomach. When meat and fatty food with a lot of taste and calories are added, obesity appears. Acting upon the criteria of our Prophet (pbuh), we can say the following:

1) A person should eat 350-500 cc at each meal.

2) The interval between the meals should be 8-12 hours.

3) The length of time for a meal should be 20 minutes.

Today, especially in developed countries, the frequency of obesity and the diseases depending on it has reached grave levels. Islam has presented ways appropriate for the nature of man regarding the issues like the amount and content of the food, the length of time for chewing it in the mouth and the interval between meals so that man will not catch the disease of obesity.

[throughthewwods]

100 Days of Productivity 🏖 . Day 19-21

💙 I let my mind relax

💚 I let my body relax

💜 We did mom-daughter bonding stuff

🐾 lots of GSD training

Working more on him walking alongside me instead of in front of me, which he is stubborn AF about.. so much so that he has learned the sound of my feet when I’m about to correct him, but doesn’t care enough to stop 😆

did loose leash training and off leash training.. loose leash I have to remind him to start pulling a lot. Irritating. He does great off leash, which is delightfully surprising.

The socialization is working. He is rarely skittish of people and other dogs now. He’s also gotten better about not disjointing my shoulder when he wants to greet another dog or child.

His self restraint has improved greatly, which is to say that before it was almost nonexistent. Now when I ask him to sit, stay etc. he listens much better for longer.

He’s much less barky

💚 Did a lot of walking

💙 skin care is finally paying off.

A lot of the cystic acne has cleared up and I’m feeling comfortable going places without make up again, which is really nice for my self esteem..

🧡 had a couple more sessions with people on the helpline,

which finally went a little deeper. Unfortunately, both of those people only have a couple sessions left before their part in the study is over. I explain to my research Director that in future studies if we’re only going to offer hour long sessions, which is reasonable, then we should probably offer more weeks because it’s harder to go deep over text when an hour flies by so quickly. Since this has to be entirely non-directive, it’ll usually be chitchat for the first 45 minutes before something of content is shared for me to build off of, but by then I don’t want to open a sensitive topic then leave them hanging. I think our original plan to have ‘on demand’ support, divided up as volunteer shifts behind the scenes, probably would’ve gone better.

⭐️ returned a laptop we had out on loan

📚 got feedback from my stats professor and watched a couple lectures about my final project

🧡 got a reply from my department chair about my letter of recommendation

He said he would work on it next week, which I really appreciate. There are so many things as a first generation student that would’ve been helpful to know that.. you often don’t know you don’t know until the mistake has already happened... Even my efforts to ask people ‘who’ve been there’ questions hasn’t really been enough to circumvent the lack of knowledge that gets passed down from generation to generation. For example… many have emphasized the importance of building relationships with relevant people and that I will need strong letters of recommendation. However, nobody mentioned that when asking for a letter of recommendation, it’s usually with a month or more’s notice. also there are some quirks about the application process that nobody elaborated on.. I’m sure they would have explained, but I guess I didn’t ask the right questions or they assumed someone else would tell me.

So.. My ignorance has me feeling like a bit of an ass and grateful for everyone’s flexibility.

😬😅

The kindness of my department chair got me to thinking about the last appointment with my counselor, which left me adrift with a realization about myself, but no idea what to do with ‘that’. I have no idea what could help with the feelings of despair when I am floundering, barely hanging on wishing I had a support system then having to digest all over again that no matter how hard I work to better my circumstances blows keep coming and no matter how hard life gets, no help is ever coming (mainly grieving that I come from a family that is extremely dysfunctional, so although I feel dauntingly alone at times fending for myself as per usual, ‘this’ is still the better option or that my own familiarity with dysfunction and poor boundaries selected a toxic village; which I’ve since estranged myself from for years now.. These choices are surely healthier, but the isolation is particularly heavy when I’m barely hanging on) … then I shut down, rest until I have it in me to yet again fight the good fight and rise up from the ashes (not a secure foundational to build on.. lots of putting out fires and damage control then rebuilding)

Moving on to less depressing thoughts… 😺🌈🦄🍰

Most of the time I enjoy my alone time, so I rarely get lonely in the conventional sense.

Maybe I could try joining special interest groups on Facebook again for the camaraderie? 

RB helps. He is thoughtful in many ways, but mostly it helps to have a best friend again or to feel like there’s finally someone ‘with me’ in this, which has never been the case.

Maybe I could ask fairy godmother for help more often before I’m buried?

However, I don’t like having so many eggs in one basket. I need to branch out. At the same time, Covid prevents me from ‘mingling’

So… my ‘behavioral’ and ‘social’ solutions are what they are..

That leaves the Cognitive

That is the wall I’m not sure how to get around.. For a lot of people the solution is leaning on God/s, which is probably not going to work for me at this phase of my life where I don’t believe in a humanized deity that is concerned with human drama or wellbeing. I can’t change who my family is, but I do make a point to not talk to them, particularly my mother, very much when I am going through a hard time because it pokes the wound and exacerbates the depression. I guess I could work more on processing my grief, but that doesn’t help me with the finite stressors that are actually triggering the hyper arousal stress response. I do have people in my life I can call to chat with, which sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t depending on the severity of my circumstances because their well-intended platitudes feels a lot like someone clapping for you from the dock as you’re drowning, “We believe in you!” Thank you I guess? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😅 After nobody bothered to call me when I finally was accepted into grad school I have decided several one-sided connections aren’t worth my emotional energy anymore where when we do talk they go on and on about themselves, but clearly couldn’t give a damn about me. It’s ok, but I don’t need that drain.

So these are things I can do for myself that reduce negatives pecking at my attitude.

I just don’t know about adding positive buffers because… refocusing on the people I can count on tends to just sort of remind me how very few there are.. heh. And self-pep-talks, “something something what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is already burned up fuel at that point of despair.

Then today I realize that i’ve been terribly sad at times that I don’t have supportive friends and family,

but I’ve overlooked how understanding, supportive, and flexible many professors have been.. people within the administration who have been willing to work with me even when I make mistakes and help me find solutions..  supervisors willing to take a chance on me. my caseworker who has known me for over a decade who has always vouched for my character and is going to support my petition for the masters degree scholarship..

💙

when I think about all that cumulatively, I feel..lighter. No, I can’t invite any of these people over for dinner. They’re not the shoulder I cry on,

but their support has been invaluable. I could not have gotten this far without their help and encouragement.

I have not been so alone on this journey.

[scarlettlawyer]

This is fanfiction of a fanfiction! Specifically, the Phantoms and Mirages fanfiction series by Meowzy (renegadewangs on tumblr), which can be found over at AO3! This post’s fic contains SPOILERS for the series up until the end of Lifting Spirits, the fourth installment. If you have not read the Phantoms & Mirages series up until at least the end of Lifting Spirits, it will not make a lick of sense to you either! So I would highly recommend checking the series out first if you would like to give this post a read. I would still recommend checking it out if you don’t want to give this post a read too! :P

Anyway here is the little thing I wrote just in case others would like to read it :)

-------------------

Date: December 25th 2028 Time: 10:14 AM Location: Wright Anything Agency.

It was Christmas morning, and it had been six days since his client had been handed down the death sentence in court.

The execution had already been carried out, he’d heard. Just as swiftly as the court’s verdict promised.

Phoenix Wright wasn’t feeling especially festive, but it was Christmas, so putting a smile on his face and doing his best to carry on as usual was the least he could do. He had to, at least for Trucy’s sake. It wouldn’t be fair to let recent grim events detract from her celebrating and enjoying today.

But he supposed he couldn’t act like this was just like any other Christmas, either. They’d rarely seen Athena in the past few days – she had taken the outcome of the trial especially hard.

And Apollo…

There’d been friction as of late. That was undeniable, and impossible to avoid. He’d starkly disagreed with his and Athena’s actions starting back when they’d acted as the Phantom’s defense team, but he’d soon learned afterwards how that had all been a ploy, and then Apollo had quickly understood, any discontent completely washed away.

It had been for a good cause, after all – to ensure that the spy known as Mirage was caught and faced justice. The Phantom’s role in that trial had only been relevant insofar as it had furthered that goal; it had nothing to do with Phoenix and Athena actually supporting him or advocating on his behalf outside of that. Once Apollo realised that, he’d been at ease once more and all was well.

The trial for Alexander Luster Jr., though, that was different. There was no ploy; it was a completely genuine and earnest attempt to seek a second chance to be granted for a man to turn his life around for the better, and for him to have a future. Athena and Phoenix had actively chosen to stand by that man’s side and fight for his second chance.

And that core stance was the source of the fundamental and insurmountable disagreement between Apollo and the two of them. Apollo could not, and would not understand their decision to advocate for that second chance. Phoenix couldn’t entirely blame him, and it would be unfair to expect Apollo to understand.

It didn’t matter now; they’d lost, in the end. Alexander Luster Jr., the Phantom, whatever you wanted to call him, was dead now. Apollo’s stance had ultimately won out and it was the one that the court system had officially endorsed. 

—————- 

Date: December 19th 2028 Time: 12:04 PM Location: District Court – Courtroom No. 4.

He continued to stand by the defense’s bench in the wake of the verdict, motionless and paralysed, as his client was carried away screaming, forced towards his impending death. 

There was nothing Phoenix could do but stand there uselessly. His mind was blank as the chaos went on around him.

And just like that, his client had been taken away, but the impact of the day’s events was still unfolding everywhere in the courtroom.

Whenever he was involved in a case, the court had never really come to the wrong decision before. Even when losing a case, there hadn’t been any issue because it was the correct and just outcome. The only other time the outcome of a trial he’d defended in had felt so utterly wretched and bleak and wrong was when he’d lost his badge.

His badge…

A very dark moment passed over him. If he couldn’t ensure a just outcome, if he couldn’t protect his client, then what was the point? Why stand in court?

He stood frozen, and the sudden mad urge to tear off his badge subsided. There was no way he could cast it aside so easily, not after everything he’d been through. That wouldn’t be right either. He couldn’t do that to Trucy. And Edgeworth had done so much to help him and to get it back.

To throw it all away… it was something he felt that he probably would have done many years ago, if he hadn’t been able to bring Matt Engarde to justice. But this situation wasn’t quite so dire, and back then he hadn’t had a daughter and two apprentices to think about. Back then, he’d never experienced having his badge taken away from him either, hadn’t suffered so much and for so long before he could get it back again.

But ultimately, what did this symbolic representation of his membership to the legal profession even amount to? He’d been proven useless in the end. It was all futile. He was supposed to act as an agent of the law to ensure justice for all. It was supposed to result in justice for everyone, but… Phoenix wasn’t so sure what to think about that anymore.

Still, he had duties that he was bound by. Duties to the people around him, and to carry on with his work… he just needed to make sure he didn’t suddenly find himself entrapped by the very things that used to feel freeing.

Time passed, and the courtroom grew to be practically empty. He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there, but it must have been a while.

He started to walk. It was an aimless gesture with no real intent, hardly paying attention to where his feet might be carrying him.

“Daddy, there you are…! Polly and I, we found-”

“-Athena,” Phoenix said automatically upon catching sight of her. She was looking quite the worse for wear, and Apollo was standing by her side, awkwardly trying to offer support.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here for you. It doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to be sad. There’s no use crying over him - think of how much the Phantom has taken from us all. He can’t hurt anyone anymore, now. It’s over and it’s best we all move on… There was never really any other way. This was necessary for-”

“You don’t GET to decide when someone’s life ending is NECESSARY, Apollo!”

Apollo started back in shock, Athena’s sudden fierce tone forcing him into silence as she continued.

“Do you think that his death will magically make the past better? Can it undo anything that’s already been done?! Who are you to decide that a human life should be offered up as some kind of,” she waved her hand about wildly, “sacrificial stepping stone for your own personal development to make you feel better? Execution doesn’t bring back the dead. It only adds to the death! Another lifeless body thrown upon the pile.”

Widget had turned from dark blue to red in a flash at Apollo’s words, before reverting back to a deep blue once more. Evidently, Apollo hadn’t expected his attempt to console her to be met with such defiant anger. After a few moments, his response came, unusually quiet, but firm and resolute.

“You’re right. It’s not for me to decide. It’s for the courts to decide. And a conclusion has already been reached for this case. It’s not about feeling better – it’s about what’s right, and what needs to be done. It’s about justice. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can heal.”

“You think-,” she broke off, her voice struggling with the effort it took stave off sobs. “You call this justice? Lex – didn’t want – to h-hurt anyone! He just wanted - to live! He was a – new person, and-,” she then shook her head, breathing heavily. “I’ve gotta go.” At that, she rushed out the door.

Apollo sighed, his expression dismayed and stern. “She’s too far gone,” Phoenix heard him mutter to himself.

“Apollo-”

“No, Mr Wright. Do you expect me to feed the idealistic fantasies she’s constructed? Because I can’t. It’s not healthy… For either of us. I just can’t- I mean, don’t you think… things have been hard enough as it is? Every now and then, I still find myself checking my phone on occasion, expecting to see a new message from Clay… Out of habit. Even thinking about that… Phantom is a constant painful reminder. I’m sick of it - I don’t want to have to hear about that killer anymore, and I shouldn’t have to.”

Apollo paused to catch his breath and calm down somewhat, and Phoenix let him.

“’Who am I to decide’…? Who was the Phantom to decide that ending Clay’s life – anyone’s life was necessary? There’s no use… distorting things into such a one-sided picture, because life doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter who you are, in the end. What’s done is done, and everyone needs to be held to equal standards of accountability for their own actions. Isn’t that what justice is? No one is so special that they are above the law, yet even you seem to need reminding of that right now. She should know – and we should know this better than anyone. We’re lawyers. This is how our legal system works!”

Alexander Luster’s final, terrified and desperate screams that had filled the air as he begged and pleaded for his life before he was dragged from the courtroom were still ringing in his mind, branded deeply, haunting him with the horror of a life knowingly about to be cut off. The inherent horror of the awareness there must be, that it was your life at its end, your life that you barely knew.

This is how… their legal system works.

This can’t be right.

It shouldn’t have ended like this. It was his fault. He could have prevented this. He could have done more. He could have saved a life, if he’d just tried harder.

It was all… wrong.

“…I’m sorry, Apollo. This is one case where… we won’t be able to see eye to eye. We don’t have to agree on this; you don’t have to understand. Right now, I think we should just give each other space.”

Apollo’s mouth set in a grim line. “Fine. Next I see you, I hope you’ll have actually regained some of your senses.” And with that, he stormed off.

Maybe Apollo was right, in a sense. Maybe the system was working exactly as it was supposed to. The courts would swallow up input, spit out a result, and whatever that result happened to be the citizens are demanded to gaze upon it and call it “justice”. If it pleased or displeased the masses, then so be it. Maybe, on some level, the idea was that the result didn’t have to make sense. Maybe there just had to be one, so that everyone else would then be free to go home and carry on with their lives, their legal truths set in stone.

—————-

Date: December 25th 2028 Time: 10:21 AM Location: Wright Anything Agency.

The next he did see Apollo after that, neither of them had said a word about the incident.

It would be wrong for Phoenix to hold Apollo’s feelings about it all against him, and he didn’t. Apollo had lost his best friend. And Apollo knew that the verdict had dealt a blow to both Athena and Phoenix. Even if he clearly disapproved and thought that the Phantom wasn’t worth anyone’s time up until the very end, he made a point of doing his best to not say anything that would exacerbate the strain that was present or add any unnecessary grief, after that instance gone awry. It was an unspoken intent to keep the peace amongst them; neither would voice any of the internal thoughts that may upset the other when in their presence.

Lessons had been learned when Apollo had unintentionally overstepped, but Athena had been the first one to apologise when they’d crossed paths the next day. She apologised for yelling at him, and he apologised for unintentionally making things worse, and they were able to leave it at that.

Even so, their interactions had been rather stiff as of late. After all, there was still the uncomfortable fact hanging over the three of them that Apollo was pleased with the very same verdict that had left Athena crying out desperately, even attempting to stop the Interpol agents from taking the former spy away. So much for the Wright Anything Agency all coming together for Christmas…

So there it was: Apollo was happy with the outcome. Athena was devastated. And Phoenix, well…

Phoenix still personally disagreed with Apollo and could not internalise the Judge’s decision as the right one.

So here he was, still a lawyer, on Christmas morning. He was acting cheerful, and so was Trucy. She’d loved her presents, just as Phoenix had hoped, and hugged him enthusiastically as she’d thanked him. But Trucy was a smart girl and must have known not everything was currently as well as it could be, and that relations among the Wright Anything Agency had seen better days. Maybe, to some extent, she was actively injecting enthusiasm into her demeanour for that reason, too.

He just needed to keep staving off the depressing thoughts. He had time… time to come to terms with the verdict, and what it might mean, on some other day. Today was for focusing on family.

Suffice it to say, given everything, he hadn’t been expecting Athena to march right through the door with such lightness and energy to her demeanour.

“Merry Christmas!” she exclaimed, a bright grin settling on her face. She dumped a bag on the floor which Phoenix could see contained some wrapped gifts.

“Merry Christmas, Athena! Good to see you,” Trucy beamed.

“So what’s the go, Boss? I sure hope you’ve got a big Christmas lunch on the way, ‘cause I’m hungry!”

Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly, a little taken off-guard. He hadn’t even had the chance to greet her yet! “W-wait, but if you’re hungry, didn’t you have anything this morning?”

Athena reached up to tap at her earring, causing it to sway. “Well, I did have brunch just earlier with Simon and Bobby, but… The point is, I know I will be hungry once it’s lunchtime!” She thrust a peace sign in Phoenix’s direction and continued, “Big meals are an essential part of Christmas, anyway!”

Phoenix might have thought that she was forcing some kind of cheerful act, were it not for the fact that Widget was glowing green with genuine happiness. But even if it wasn’t for that, he would have been hard-pressed to deny the essential truth that her high spirits seemed to ring with.

“So, um… Where’s Apollo?” she asked, her tone softening a little.

“Ah,” was all Phoenix offered in reply.

“Maybe… you should give him a call? Invite him over. That’s- if he’s not busy with other plans, that is. We can’t have a Wright Anything Agency Christmas party without him, after all.”

“Hah, there’s nothing Polly could be too busy with that he can’t drop it all at a moment’s notice to see us! Isn’t that right, Daddy?” Trucy urged.

“Ahaha, I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

—————-

Date: December 25th 2028 Time: 1:34 PM Location: Wright Anything Agency.

As it turned out, although Apollo was involved in other plans and couldn’t leave immediately, he had promised to be there in the afternoon. He should be arriving any minute, now.

It was strange; Phoenix really hadn’t thought they’d be able to salvage the day to this extent, but here they were. It was just as it should be – everyone was upbeat, Apollo was on his way over, and they could all forget any troubles. Phoenix didn’t need to pretend to be upbeat as they played makeshift games and unwrapped more presents. It was just a shame that Edgeworth wouldn’t be arriving until a bit later, too, but once he did, there’d still be all the rest of the afternoon and the evening to spend together at the Wright Agency Christmas party.

Speaking of which, he’d needed to leave the main room to take a phone call from Edgeworth. It had gone on for longer than planned, and he stopped himself just before stepping back into the room once the call was over, not wanting to intrude on the solemn exchange of words that seemed to be taking place between Athena and Trucy.

“-was so worried. You’re sure you’re okay?” Trucy was saying.

Phoenix hadn’t meant to overhear that, but in truth, this had been nagging at the back of his mind as well. It seemed odd for Athena to have bounced back to normal so quickly… And the worst of times are when lawyers have to force their biggest smiles.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, I promise.”

Trucy nodded. “…Alright, I believe you.”

“Besides, today’s not the day to go around being gloomy… But thank you. It’s touching that you care.”

And when Trucy left the room to get some materials prepared for an elaborate magic trick so it could be ready for Apollo’s arrival, it was Phoenix’s turn to speak to Athena one-on-one.

“I’ve been meaning to ask. You said you had brunch with Blackquill and Agent Fulbright this morning, didn’t you? How… How are they?”

“Ohh…” Athena seemed to think carefully for a moment, searching for the right words. “I think… they’re going to be okay. I think they’re going to be just fine.”

“Hmm…” I’m sorry, he wanted to say, I feel like I let them both down. And I let you down, too. But there was something holding him back. “And what about you?”

“Me? Come on, Boss. I know you heard what I said to Trucy earlier – you’re not that subtle with your eavesdropping, you know. I’m alright, and how could I not be? It’s Christmas Day and I’ve been spending it with my friends.”

Ahh, caught red-handed, it seemed. “But, aren’t you… sad?” he tried. Something still didn’t seem to add up.

“Of course I’m sad–”

… Interesting.

“-but there’s a time and a place for sadness. I don’t want to be all miserable right now. I don’t want to focus on less pleasant things. So, let’s continue enjoying the rest of today. …Mr. Wright?”

“R-Right! You’re right.” His phone beeped. “Ah… Apollo will be here in five minutes.”

In actuality, Apollo arrived in three minutes’ time, bearing presents of his own. After responding to Trucy’s enthusiastic welcome, there was a brief awkward silence when he caught sight of Athena.

“…Hey, Apollo,” she said, holding out a present done up in shiny red wrapping, “got you a gift!”

“Athena! Mr. Wright said you were here, but I thought-,” he shook his head. “…Thank you. Merry Christmas.”

Just like that, everything felt so normal again, among everyone.

It was a crazy thought, but

…Maybe, somehow, everything had all worked out in the end. There was something about Athena’s demeanour that put him at ease, allowing him to trust that all was well… it allowed him to trust in justice.

Maybe, he didn’t quite have the full picture. That was alright with him; he didn’t need to pry any further.

In this case, just the idea of it was enough. 

[dollartopkr-blog]

What is the forex trading business concerning ?

Well, I am very happy to doing Forex business and I graceful so much that I decided to demonstrate the Forex Business with you.

And if you give me sometime to explain, what forex business concerning with me and why  I am very happy for doing Forex.

Forex is a potential solution for each and every person looking to earn more money and make persistent income and take back control of their own lives.

That's a great announcement of me, I understand! But in such times of job loss, economic uncertainty and less money to make your day to day expenses.

There has to be a much better alternative than acquiring  another job rather then doing Forex , or even working twice as hard or downsizing your lifestyle.

Take a minute and consider your lifestyle, your income, and just how great (or hard ) life was.

If you really decided to do forex business so think about extra monthly earnings that would economically take you to the upper level from getting ahead financially to being able to update on anything lifestyle choice you desire next.

What are the earnings will you thought to solve your financially issues?

Can it be a modest $500 per month? Can it be $1000 per month? Can it be $10,000 per month? Now write out this statement:

(Don't be shy... be daring!) I would like to make more than $10,000  each month.

Now have a moment and think about your current project (s); current lifestyle; current free time.

what choices are available for you to raise your income by this amount?

Can you find yourself achieving the extra income level your just wrote down if you keep on doing what you've been doing?

Are you going to want to (or will you) work more difficult?

Can you ask for raise or find another job?

Do you've got time (and tuition) to learn an entirely new profession?

If you're at all like me, then the answers to the previous three questions were no, no, and no!

So just how do you get to this next level of income? For me personally, Professional Forex Trading has become the response.

And I think it can work for you also! I would like to show why and how it has worked because I believe Professional Forex Trading is a true solution for anyone interested in trading to make extra, persistent income.

Hold on just a minute though. Before continuing, I want to make a distinction between trading and Professional Trading; and especially how this applies in the foreign exchange market. There is in fact a huge difference! There are various men and women that transaction, either actively or passively. Nevertheless, the huge bulk trade without any trading instruction or a structured approach to the marketplace. And their results are average at best.

Trading generally (which is non-professional trading) typically includes:

• Obtaining as many trading tools, indicators, news and advice as you can to make buying choices (generally not selling decisions)

• Attempting to exchange, but experiencing average or worse-than-average Outcomes

• Inconsistent execution Resulting in bigger, uncontrolled losses and minimal profits

• Inconsistent hazard management Resulting in the depletion of trading capital over time

• Years of frustration and mixed results that seldom ever achieve Expert status

Maybe that seems familiar to you. It did for me.

Professional Trading (the kind I'm now doing) consists of these keys:

1. Mastering statistically proven trading strategies Incorporating stiff risk management principles

3. A Business Plan optimized to your character and lifestyle of this dealer

4. Proper Training by other Professional Trader(s)

And actually, these keys to Professional Trading, (professional significance trading as part of your profession), are a formula that is relevant to each profession in the world! Consider a doctor (or lawyer, or accountant, etc.. .) : should I gave you all of the tools, medical publications and state of the art gear physicians use today, could you walk in and perform operation? Even if you were permitted to attempt, you would NOT be very proficient at it. Why not? What do aspiring doctors obtain until they have the confidence to do surgery on their own? Well, you probably already know the solution. The aspiring physician practices alongside other Professional Doctors till he assembles the knowledge and skill set to take another step and perform surgery by themselves. They NEVER EVER are allowed to just'try it themselves'. And thankfully, the medical community is structured to prevent anybody from just'trying it in their own'.

It's a different story in the trading world, sadly. You can pretty much do everything you need; all you will need is some capital and any firm will open your account and let you start to self-destruct!

These days, however, you will find actual solutions available!

If you want to create the persistent outcomes of a Professional Trader, you MUST acquire the tools and practice along with other Expert Traders already creating persistent results. PERIOD!

Then, just once you've got the resources ; have learned alongside other Professional Dealers; and have practiced enough to build your own business plan, you can expect to go forward and create a persistent income flow for yourself. Without the expert Trader by your side, you're just using your own capital to reinvent an extremely expensive wheel.

Great! So what exactly does it take to find Professional Forex Trading? (Glad you asked!)

The answer is easier than you may think... at least it is now!

There are many firms touting Forex, but a relatively few companies popping up who are addressing the facets of Learning Professional Forex Trading. And, their strategy is devoted to employing the four keys to Professional Forex Trading mentioned above and implementing them in the Forex market. Here they are :

Professional Forex Trading consists of: Mastering statistically established Forex trading systems

2. Incorporating stiff risk management rules to conserve your capital

3. Developing a Business Plan optimized to your character and lifestyle Proper Training from another Professional Forex Trader

[lnhumanity]

Fic: simmons needs to stop Rating: ga Relationship(s): FitzSimmons Characters: Fitz, Simmons Status: One-Shot Summary:

Simmons feels under the weather, and Fitz attempts to help.

( AKA : happy geminids! )

Read it on AO3 or click the read more!

From when he first woke up, Fitz knew that something was wrong. He frowned to himself as he blinked his eyes open and looked about his room. There was nothing out of the ordinary, really. Everything in the room was exactly how he had left it the previous night. There wasn’t a single object out of place. Even the warm lump curled up into his side - also known as Jemma Simmons - was exactly as she had been.

...Oh.

That was it.

Fitz turned his gaze to Simmons, whose head was resting on his chest, and hand placed gently over his heart. Her laying like that wasn’t abnormal - far from it, it was her default position. No, what was abnormal was the fact that she was still in bed.

Typically, Simmons woke up and began getting ready for the day before Fitz. He never understood how she was able to wake up so early like clockwork, and often complained when she woke him up by rising so early.

But today she was still asleep when he woke.

Fitz shifted slightly, reaching out to her and gently nudging her shoulder. Her eyes shut tighter in response and she groaned softly.

Fitz chuckled, nudging her more firmly. “Hey, Jemma. Are you going to wake up?”

“Mm…” Simmons mumbled, her voice muffled by Fitz’s chest. “Wake up…? What time…?”

Fitz looked up at the clock on the wall. “It’s nearly 8:30.”

Simmons eyes snapped open and she sat up, suddenly wide awake. “ 8:30  ? I have to be in the lab in- I  had  to be in the lab half an hour ago! Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I only just woke up.”

“Ugh,  Fitz .” Simmons said, about to reprimand him further, but when she got to her feet by her side of the bed she swayed and had to lean heavily against the wall to her side to keep herself from falling.

Fitz shifted across the bed until he was sitting behind her, bringing his hands up to rest on her back, helping to steady her. “Hey. Do you need to sit down for a moment?”

To his surprise, Simmons did as he said, stepping back and sitting heavily on the bed. She leaned forwards and dropped her head into her hands, shutting her eyes again. Fitz moved closer to her, wrapping his arm around her so that he could rub her opposite arm. He noted, with a degree of concern, that she was trembling slightly.

“Talk to me.” He said after a moment. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine.” Simmons replied, her voice so quiet that he had to strain to hear it. “...My head is pounding.”

Fitz moved so that he could place his hand against her forehead. He winced at the heat. “You definitely have a temperature. You should stay in bed.”

Simmons scoffed and tried to get up again. “I have work to do, Fitz.”

Fitz kept a firm grip on her to prevent her from moving. “The world isn’t going to end if you give yourself a few hours to rest, Jemma.”

Simmons narrowed her eyes as she looked up at him but then, to Fitz’s surprise, she relented. “Fine.”

Fitz let her go and she retreated back into bed, curling up under the blankets again and looking up at him.

Fitz smiled. “There. I’ll take some time off to make sure you’re resting properly.”

Simmons rolled her eyes, but after a moment she spoke up. “Well, if you’ve decided to be my nurse for the day, then could you get me some tea?”

“Of course. I won’t be long.”

Fitz moved about the room quickly to make himself presentable for the short walk to the kitchen, and then he left. On the way there he passed Mack, and quickly explained the situation to him. Mack was more than understanding, having no problem with Simmons taking the day off - after all, this wasn’t typical of her.

In the kitchen, Fitz patiently waited for the kettle to boil, and prepared Simmons tea the way that he knew she preferred it, before returning to their room. He pushed the door open, careful not to spill the hot tea, and sighed when he saw what was inside - or, rather, what wasn’t inside.

He didn’t know what he had been expecting.

Fitz set the tea down on one of their bedside cabinets, before leaving their room and making a beeline for where he knew Simmons would be. The lab.

As expected, Simmons was at her regular work station, frowning down at a sample. With a sigh, Fitz stepped inside.

Simmons looked up at his entry. “You took your time.”

“Yeah. Someone sent me to make some tea.” Fitz retorted, casually walking over to her.

“Yes, well, you were being rather over-protective, insisting that I rest. How silly. I’m perfectly fine.”

Fitz crossed his arms and look at her critically. Her skin was paler than normal and clammy, and though she tried to hide it, he could see how her eyes sagged. “Really?”

“ Yes . I’ll admit that I wasn’t feeling too well when I first woke up, but now I feel that I could even go into the field if need be.”

“Yeah, but the headache, though.”

“ Ugh, Fitz .” Simmons huffed. “If you really must know, I took some painkillers from the medical wing.”

“Because painkillers solve everything.”

“Oh, does that really matter right now? The point is that I am well enough to continue with my work.”

Fitz looked at her skeptically, but took a step back. He could see when he was fighting a losing argument. If he couldn’t convince Simmons to return back to bed, then he’d just work with her, and keep an eye on her.

For a few hours they worked side by side as normal, though Fitz noticed with concern that Simmons state was getting worse as time passed. Her voice became hoarse, she began blinking heavily as if clearing her vision, and her brows furrowed, as if trying to manage pain. But no matter how much worse her condition became, every time Fitz suggested she return to bed she stubbornly refused.

Then, for a moment, Fitz turned his back to her, heading to another part of the lab to fetch some old research that seemed to be relevant to their current project, and he heard a crash, followed by the concerned shout of a lab tech.

Immediately, Fitz turned to see what had caused the commotion, and he felt his heart jump into his throat when he saw Simmons unconscious on the ground.

He raced over, asking the lab techs what had happened, but none of them knew. One moment she had been working, and the next she collapsed. Realising that they didn’t have any useful information to give him, Fitz turned his attention solely onto Simmons. Thankfully, she was still breathing and her heart was beating strongly. When he placed his hand over her forehead again, he found that her temperature was significantly higher than it had been this morning - there was no doubt about it, she had a fever.

Gently, Fitz reached forwards and pulled Simmons into his arms, before standing up straight. The lab techs offered to help, but Fitz waved them away, carefully carrying Simmons to the medical wing.

He explained the situation to the doctors, and made it clear that he didn’t intend to leave. He stayed out of their way and allowed them to work, but stayed nearby and, when the doctors were finished checking her over and hooking her up to an IV, he sat down beside her bed, and took her hand in his.

For a further hour, Fitz waited by her side patiently. He knew that this wasn’t too serious - that while she’d collapsed, this wasn’t a life-or-death situation, but he couldn’t help that worry from growing in his chest with every minute she stayed unconscious. So, when she finally squeezed at his hand weakly, he felt a burst of relief.

Simmons groaned, and squinted her eyes open, taking in the room before her gaze finally settled on Fitz. “What…?”

“You fainted.” Fitz explained. “You have a 41 degree fever.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah. Perhaps you should have stayed in bed.”

Despite her weakness, Simmons managed to glare at him. “Don’t… make this into a competition.”

“Sorry.” Fitz smiled tiredly and stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. “The doctor says you’ll be fine. You just need to rest now.”

Simmons settled back against the pillow. “And you’ll stay…?”

Fitz leaned forwards so he could kiss the top of her head gently. “Of course. I’ll be right here.”

“What about the lab?”

“Shh. Don’t worry about that right now. No one’s going to die because you fell sick for one day.”

The little frown on Simmons face implied that she didn’t believe him, but Simmons didn’t argue. Instead, she let her eyes shut and she fell back asleep.

Having spoken to her briefly, Fitz found his own anxiety subsiding, and he found his own eyes closing as he drifted off to sleep along with her.

[the-transfeminine-mystique]

do you believe in real presence? i'm unclear how anyone who upholds that doctrine could support desecration of the host, given that after the words of institution and epiklesis (do they have that? idk for sure) the host is not something that belongs to the RCC per se but is rather the flesh of christ. i'm episcopalian personally and have no love for the RCC's positions but this distresses me. i hope this doesn't come across as rude, i don't mean it to

There are a few ways I could answer this. One is by putting Walter Benjamin’s “Critique of Violence” in conversation with prophetic actions as a genre, as Ted Smith did in Weird John Brown with the figure of freedom-fighter John Brown. Another is by talking a little bit about real presence in the Eucharist and asking to what extent it is being used as a point of distraction from other real presences that are disavowed. While I did not explicitly bring Benjamin in to bear on this paper (partially because it was a ≤20 minute conference paper to be read aloud), I would say that a combination of the two is essential in looking back at Tom Keane’s actions in 1989 and reading them as a voice of God and not violence against God. 

(This is going to be a slightly long post)

For the question “May I kill?” meets its irreducible answer in the commandment “Thou shalt not kill.” This commandment precedes the deed, just as God was “preventing” the deed. But just as it may not be fear of punishment that enforces obedience, the injunction becomes inapplicable, incommensurable, once the deed is accomplished. No judgment of the deed can be derived from the commandment. And so neither the divine judgment nor the grounds for this judgment can be known in advance. Those who base a condemnation of all violent killing of one person by another on the commandment are therefore mistaken. It exists not as a criterion of judgment, but as a guideline for the actions of persons or communities who have to wrestle with it in solitude and, in exceptional cases, to take on themselves the responsibility of ignoring it.

Walter Benjamin, “Critique of Violence,” in Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings, Vol. I, 250.

I was perhaps flippant in my last sentence in the post that this is in response to. But I do believe in real presence and view Tom Keane’s desecration of the host as a prophetic and blameless act. Prophetic actions are always breaking actions — if there were no laws or boundaries or codes broken, then it wouldn’t be prophetic. The breaking is, however, oriented towards God. This is the reason why, in the paper I linked, I believe actions like Keane’s fit so well with the liturgical theology of Gordon Lathrop, who emphasizes the juxtapositions, the breakings of meaning, the jagged edges around our symbols which, when taken together, point us towards God as we can know God. There was a prescription for the treatment of the host, and Keane violated it. And the question that Christianity has long since, and increasingly, forgotten since becoming the metaphysical wing of empire in 313, but the question demanded by the action, is “why?” Benjamin’s example with regard to the proscription of killing is killing in self-defense, long recognized halakhically as either a just violation of the commandment or not a true violation at all. What might it mean to ask if Keane was, in a manner of speaking, acting in self-defense? 

The matter of “real presence” in the Eucharist is also of interest, because a focus on it obscures a competing real presence, which is the body of the Church, as well as Christ’s stated affinity, the poor, marginalized, and imprisoned (Matt 25:36–40). From the early church, there was a conception of Christ having a “real body” (corpus verum) and a “mystical body” (corpus mysticum) on earth. Until the Berengar of Tours/Lanfranc dispute in the 11th century, the corpus verum referred unambiguously to the Church and the corpus mysticum referred to the Sacrament. Subsequent to the first widespread articulations of the doctrine of real presence, the two terms switched. But I think it is important to note how late that switch was, and how late even compared to that real presence was to emerge as a formal doctrine (Trent, AD 1551). This isn’t to dismiss out-of-hand concerns about real presence, it is instead to ask whether, when we put so much emphasis on the real presence in the Eucharist, we aren’t obscuring and disrespecting real presence elsewhere.

And that was what the Catholic Church (and, speaking as a fellow Episcopalian, the Episcopal Church) had grown accustomed to doing. The sacrament revolving around the breaking of Christ’s body had grown so pristine and focused upon that the incursion of Christ’s broken body into the Cathedral was viewed as a profaning. After Tom Keane’s action, Christ’s broken body lay on both sides of the altar rail. On one side it was treated with reverence and care, and on the other side it was handcuffed, dragged onto a stretcher, and hauled out by the NYPD. The desecration of the body of Christ in the form of the host needed to happen in order to reveal in explicit terms the carelessness with which the Church desecrated, and regarded the desecration of, the body of Christ in the form of the poor, the sick, and the marginalized.

I’m not sure if you followed the link to the paper, but this is a relevant excerpt from it.

If liturgical meaning is created through juxtaposition, then we might do well to notice parallels between the Eucharistic host on the one hand and Keane’s own body along with all others participating in the die-in on the other: the corpus verum and corpus mysticum respectively. Sacrilege though it might have been, Keane did nothing to the host that the Catholic Church was not already doing to those with AIDS.The violence done to the corpus verum was mirrored by the violence done to the corpus mysticum made present in the cathedral, both really and symbolically, by the die-in. Shortly after the desecrated host fell to the ground, Keane’s body did as well. That the Church identified sacrilege in the desecration of the host but not in the desecration of the bodies of the sick, the poor, and the oppressed — that the host was removed from the ground with honor and reverence while Keane’s body was handcuffed and removed by police — was itself the fundamental theological problem that “Stop the Church” sought to address. The juxtaposition between the two corpora, the juxtaposition insisted on by Tom Keane’s action, served to communicate the central meaning of the liturgy of protest.

...

This is not to argue that “Stop the Church” should be the model for liturgical worship, that die-ins or desecrated hosts should necessarily proliferate (although it cannot with integrity argue that they should not, that this disruption is all well and good because it happened in the past but a similar one today or in our particular congregation would be unacceptable). It is instead to understand the demonstration as having a particular liturgical meaning and to “read [it] with some sympathy,” despite its breaking from known and approved liturgical forms. To read it as a catholic exception is not to bring the entirety of Church practice under its rubric, but rather to accept that the things that it said were things that the Church needed to hear, and it said them in ways that the Church cannot responsibly ignore. It was, in Lathrop’s, words, “a protest corresponding to the iconoclasm of the meeting itself, a protest that can be important for the health of the Christian faith.” Running throughout the demonstration’s radical disruptions of the Mass was an invocation to the Church to take more seriously its actions, both liturgically and politically. It served as an implicit critique of the exclusions of a church founded on Jesus’ radical inclusion of the outsider. The Church, “Stop the Church” said, is happy to pray for those dying of AIDS so long as they are outside its walls, but will have them arrested for trespassing when they come inside. The Church is offended, it said, when Christ’s body is desecrated at theMass, but it is perfectly willing to participate in the desecration of Christ’s body in the streets.

Jane D. Nichols, “ACT UP, "Stop the Church," and the Theological Implications of a Liturgical Protest,” 8–9.