#but this left such a weird taste in my mouth. i dunno

[squinch-depraved]

Bro PLZ write something about teds mustache PLZ🙏

here u go short while i work on other stuffs

"i promise you you aren't too heavy, please sit on my face," ted begged.

"your mustache is gonna feel so weird though!!" excuses. to tell the truth, he just made you really nervous. you honestly didn't expect that mentioning that you had never been eaten out to your best friend would land you in this situation. "i dunno, ted..."

"c'mon, please trust me. i promise we can stop if you don't like it but i wanna try to make you feel good at least once. please?" he made that stupid face that gets him whatever he wants and leaned back on to his couch, resting his head flat on a pillow and patting his chest for you to hop on.

with a scoff, you rolled your eyes and started to climb onto him, but he stopped you and pointed to your pants.

"off," he instructed simply. his bossiness left a damp spot in your panties once you slowly, carefully removed them, folding both them and your pants and setting them on the coffee table. "there we go." you could hear the grin in his voice before you spun back around to glare at him.

"you're so annoying, you know that?"

"you love me."

he wasn't wrong. in what way, you weren't sure, but you did love your best friend.

"hop on!" he waved you over, intertwining his fingers with yours when you straddled his chest. "my face is up here," he joked when you hesitated.

"oh my god, fine, i'll sit on your face if it'll shut you up," you teased, trying to hide the nervousness in your voice. ted, who couldn't stop smiling, helped you scoot forward until you were hovering over his face. once he had a clear view of your wet hole, he groaned and wrapped his arms around your thighs, pulling you down and holding you tight while you squirmed.

his tongue worked deftly in and out of your cunt, flicking and swirling around your sensitive bud and drawing frantic wails from you. you had never felt anything so pleasurable; everything he was doing was sending white hot electricity straight to your core.

"teddy, fuck!!" you screamed, bucking your hips furiously on his face. his mustache provided just the right stimulation, brushing against your thighs when he pulled his mouth away from your pussy to plant sloppy kisses everywhere. "feels so good..." you trailed off.

he moaned into your folds as he slid his tongue back in you, the vibrations causing your legs to tremble.

"ted, please, you're so good, so good to me, fuck! why did you wanna- nghh, do this so bad?" your voice was shaky, and he pulled away with a lewd noise to answer your question.

"because i think you deserve to feel good. this doesn't have to be anything more than two friends helping each other, if you don't want it to be. just, shut up and let me taste you, please?" he bargained, brushing his mustache along your skin to soothe you.

"how am i helping you?" you asked, puzzled.

"you think i'm not gonna get off to this for like, the rest of my life?" he chuckled, pulling your cunt back to his mouth. staring down at him made your stomach flip- the way his hazel eyes peered up at you as he worked his mouth was intoxicating.

"teddy, i think i'm close," you whined, rolling your hips forward. his grip on your thighs tightened as he furrowed his brows and began eating you faster, sloppy noises filling the room. letting out a constant string of moans and swears as you tossed your head back, you let him devour you and arched your back.

he guided you through your orgasm, grunting when you began to claw at his arms where they were holding you down. he overstimulated you just a tad, unable to resist his cruel desires, not knowing if he would get to do this again. once you rode out your high, you scrambled backwards off of him, panting, and collapsed onto the couch.

"was that good?" he asked nervously, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. you couldn't form words yet, but nodded solemnly. smiling, he rose from his seat and walked to the kitchen, returning with a water bottle, which you accepted gratefully.

"can we do that again?" you asked quietly once he sat back down.

"uh. yeah, if you really want to," ted offered, scratching the back of his neck.

pulling him in for a deep kiss, you grinned at the faint taste of yourself still on his lips. his mustache tickled your upper lip as the kiss deepened, and soon he was on top of you, kissing between your thighs and enjoying every noise that spilled from your lips.

[clorofolle]

I'm seeing so much oceangate stuff on my dash. I can understand why the media got obsessed with this story, but not why everyone on tumblr did. I'm seeing a lot of posts about the 19 yrs old for example - and yeah, of course I'm sorry for the kid. It sucks. And I get the compassion fatigue. I get not being able to be empathetic and grieve and be mad all day for every single disaster that happens. But I feel like the kind of things you choose to pay more attention to, and why you choose them, should be examined more carefully.

Yes, that kid was 19 and scared shitless of the trip, and it sucks he had to die. But... this was one person, who took a bad decision. You remember the boat full of migrants that capsized off the coats of Greece? There were... hundreds of people there, many of them children. And they were also really scared, and died an horrific death. That's without even taking into account the kind of life they had to endure before, if they thought this was a chance worth taking for something better.

Please, do reflect on what kind of tragedies you see talked about more often. And ask yourself why that happens. I tried giving myself answers - I'm still not sure what's the right one. Is it because tumblr is quite americanocentric, and usually uninterested with events happening in other parts of the word? Is it simply because those were rich people who died, and thus they got more coverage, and people tend to only comment whatever headlines they see that are bigger? Or is it some kind of almost on-purpose turning away from actual, preventable tragedies, ones that are symptomatic of bigger than life societal issues - and instead choosing to focus on what amounts to "rich people drama"? Because, let's be honest: 750 migrants left to die on a boat is just heart wrenching, and makes us feel hopeless and powerless. But four millionares dead for their own stupidity? That stops being a simple tragedy, and starts being entertainment.

If you read this post - if nothing else, I hope it could've helped you reflect on why you engage with the sort of news that you do, and if there's any news that you tend to ignore on purpose instead. I know I do. I'm trying to change.

[mrsbarnesblog]

loyalty

masterlist

summary: Rafe comes back home to you after his meeting with Hollis

word count: 2k.

warnings: smut, established relationship, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, jealousy, reader is slightly insecure

You turned the TV in the living room off as soon as you heard the front door getting closed and the familiar ring of Rafe’s keys being thrown on the table. Patting slowly into the corridor, you bit your lip at the sight of him standing in the hallway, looking sexy as hell in that new sweater of his, and focused on something on his phone. 

“Hey, baby. How did it go?” You stepped closer, dragging Rafe’s attention to you as a soft smile stretched across his face. 

“Thought you were already sleeping.” He put his phone in the back pocket of his pants, now completely focused on you, and pulled you in his arms as soon as you approached him. Rafe hummed in your hair before picking you up from the floor and forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist. “Missed you so much, sweetheart.” 

You giggled at his words, your own hands connecting around Rafe’s neck, feeling every single muscle moving under your fingers. “You saw me like two hours ago.” You mumbled, scratching his neck with your nails, relieving the tension you knew was always present in his body. He silently walked back into the living room, one hand firmly holding you under your thighs, and fell onto the couch's soft cushions. 

You were settled on his lap, your worn-out gray t-shirt lifted up, almost not leaving anything for the imagination. He kissed you roughly and unexpectedly, taking a breath away from your lungs. You moaned into Rafe's mouth, gripping the back of his buzzed head to try to keep up with his pace, but he seemed far too eager for you. 

He finally slightly moved away from you, resting against the back of the couch and looking at you with a lazy smile, while his tongue slowly swiped across his bottom lip, tasting you. Your eyes followed the motion and you shifted on his lap at the sudden pressure in between your legs.  

“Couldn’t wait to get home back to you, baby.” You held back your smile but leaned your head to the side, studying his face. You knew Rafe and knew when there was something on his mind. 

“Did something happen?” You lean closer to his face, resting your hands on the cushions behind him. 

“Didn’t sign that yet... I dunno, something seems off, y’know?” He mumbled and rubbed your legs up and down, as he did whenever he was thinking about something. “And she was hitting on me, like tryna hold my hand and shit.” He didn’t break eye contact with you even when your smile slowly faded and you instantly felt a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach. A quiet oh left your lips, as your mind filled with the images of them together, alone on the boat, just a perfect opportunity for someone like Rafe to charm the woman to get more money. “No, no, you’re not moving. You don’t think that I did it, do you?” He tightened his grip on you when you attempted to leave his lap.

“I mean…” You casually shrugged your shoulders, which made Rafe actually laugh in disbelief. 

“You mean?” His hand took a hold of your face to make you look him in the eyes. “I may be many things but a cheater is not one of them, baby. Shit, actually, her doing all of this made me realize that I can’t even think about anyone but you.” Rafe looked at you, one hand dragging your body up his thighs until you were sitting chest-to-chest. 

“I know that you wouldn’t cheat but...”

“There’s no ‘but’. I told her that I wanted to sign that agreement for both me and you. I’m not interested in anything else. Just you.” You felt like you were melting under his intense stare, because you knew when Rafe said something, he meant it. “You, um… I want it all together, just us, y’know?”

Your heart was beating way too hard to be considered normal. You never expected to hear it from Rafe, always in the back of your mind facing a thought about not being enough, about him leaving you for a better opportunity. No matter how hard you tried to muffle that voice in your head, it always seemed to find a way to you. Yet Rafe had it right in front of him but didn’t do it. 

This time you were the one who kissed him. Fisting the collar of Rafe’s sweater, you pulled him closer to you, even if it was not possible, grinding your hips into his and moaning at the feeling of his hands sneaking under your shirt. 

“Tell me that you’re in it with me, baby. I need to hear it.” He mumbled into your mouth, tracing your stomach and then pinching your nipples in between his fingers. He buckled his hips up into your covered pussy, making you push your lower body back against his to relieve the pressure. 

“I’m with you, Rafe, I promise.” 

Your hands reached between you two, quickly unbuckling Rafe’s belt and barely even pushing his pants and boxers down. You both were too desperate to feel each other, not even bothering to take the clothes off or move to his bedroom. Rafe lifted your hips with one hand, pushing your panties to the side with the other one, while you stroked his throbbing cock. You guided him to your soaked entrance, letting him easily slip inside with the way how wet you were for him. 

“Shi-i-it, baby.” He hissed near your ear, pulling you lower onto him, until you took his whole length. Your nails dug into Rafe’s sweater, and your brows furrowed in pleasure at the delicious stretch that he gave you. “Takin’ me in so well, huh?” His voice was low and rough, sending a shiver down your spine as he held you steady against him. You could feel his breath hot against your ear, and the way he filled you made your head spin, every inch of him pressing deeper.

“Please, I need you.” Whining and pushing your knees against the couch, you barely moved yourself up from Rafe’s length when he pushed you back down, instead taking control of you.  

“God, you’re perfect,” he murmured, his hands gripping your hips tighter as he rocked you slowly, the friction making you moan softly into his neck. “You feel that? Just made for me, baby.” His tone was a mix of praise and hunger, and each word sent heat coursing through your body. “Don’t need anyone else but you.”

You nodded, pulling your face back and resting your forehead against his. The air between you was thick, your mouths hovering close to each other, moaning and groaning with each thrust of Rafe’s hips into yours. His gaze was locked on you, dark blues possessive and filled with lust, which almost made you spiral. 

“You know you’re the only one, right?” Rafe’s voice was a husky whisper, eyes locked on yours with an intensity that made your heart race. “Forget about her. I don’t see anyone but you.” He tilted his head slightly, brushing his lips against yours, teasing, his hands gripping your hips firmly, as if to prove his point. “She doesn’t matter. You’re all I want.”

You kissed him, the jealousy washing away with every word and touch that Rafe gave you. You held his jaw with one hand, sneaking under the sweater with another to slide your nails down his chest. It felt like kissing you made him even more feral, even more greedy, as his grip tightened on your hips, and he fucked into you harder and harder. 

It was impossible to concentrate on anything besides the way his dick was filling you, making your head buzz with white noise from the pleasure. Your eyes started to water, feeling approaching orgasm. Your body almost tried to move away from Rafe’s brutal strokes, but he grabbed your ass, keeping you pinned down, ensuring you took every inch he had to give.

“Mhm, Ray, shit—” Your hoarse voice cracked as you tried to speak, but all that came out was a broken moan. Your eyes rolled back, your hand helplessly sliding down from his face, as you were no longer able to control yourself. Rafe smirked, clearly pleased with how you lost yourself  on top of him, his pace relentless, fucking up into you with bruising force.

“Yeah? You feel that?” He growled, his breath ragged as he watched your face contort in pleasure. “You’re not going anywhere. This is all for you, baby.” His grip tightened, almost painful, as he rocked into you harder, each thrust sending sparks of electricity through your body, pushing you right to the edge. “Cum for me, c’mon.” 

“Rafe—” You gasped, your voice barely a whisper, lost in the haze of pleasure that blurred your thoughts. His hand slid up to cradle the back of your neck, pulling you down so your lips were just inches from his, your breath mingling as you both panted for air.

“That’s it, baby.” He whispered against your lips, his eyes burning with intensity. “Let go. I’ve got you.”

With one final, deep thrust, the coil inside you snapped, your body convulsing as waves of pleasure crashed over you. Your vision blurred, and all you could do was cling to him as your orgasm hit hard, your body trembling uncontrollably in his arms.

Too lost in the pleasure, you barely noticed him grunting your name and then moanning as his own orgasm hit him. Rafe filled you up to the brim, you felt every throb of his cock inside of you, barely able to hold back whimpers from the goosebumps that the feeling of it brought you.

“Good girl.” Rafe murmured, his low voice full of pride and satisfaction as he slowed his movements, letting you ride out your high while holding you close, his forehead still pressed to yours. 

You didn’t know when exactly Rafe pushed your both to your sides, or when did he pulled out of you and fixed your clothes to look more presentable, or when did he pulled a blanket over you. You blinked slowly, looking at his face right in front of you, feeling his delicate fingers pushing the hair away from your face and tracing your jawline and lips. You smiled at the feeling, relishing a rare moment of him being so soft and relaxed. 

“So what are you gotta do now?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you watched him, curiosity mingling with concern. The playful glint in his eyes shifted for a moment, revealing the weight of the situation.

Rafe leaned in closer, his expression shifting from relaxed to focused. “Well, Hollis thinks she can play me. Thinks I’m an idiot, but I’m not. I’m not about to let that happen.” He replied, his tone low, sarcastic. “I’ll need to keep her close, let her think she’s in control, but really? I’m just waiting for the right moment to turn the tables.”

“You’re not.” You soothed when you saw annoyance start to rise in him. You placed your hand on top of his, giving a comforting squeeze. “I believe in you, and I know you’re gonna do the right thing. Maybe she’ll know better for trying to steal you away from me.”

A smirk tugged at his lips, and he nodded, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit. “Damn right, she will. I’m not going anywhere, especially not with you by my side.” He leaned in, capturing your lips in a soft kiss and bringing you even closer to his body. 

[snapscube]

i finished AA investigations 1 btw :3 tier list update time!

All in all: Investigations 1 was pretty tough to get through unfortunately. Not that it was like BAD or anything but i really lost the drive somethin fierce with this one. The writing just did not feel even remotely as sharp or fun as the best of even AA1, though i don't think there was ever a low point as low of some of the first trilogy's worst. The very definition of "mid" overall, and I don't mean the new kind of "mid" that actually just means bad.

The last case of AAI1 was actually really good though! Really picked up the pace, it was nice and long and very fun to put the actual mystery together. It tied together the underlying plot of the entire game very nicely, one thing i think Investigations actually did really well overall. I liked how tangibly connected pretty much every case felt, even if the individual stories lost my interest often.

I will say though in regards to the final case, holy shit it goes off the rails near the end. I think there is legitimately 5 instances in a row of the murderer going "okay im going home now" only for some character to rush in at the last second and extend the investigation because of some weird asinine piece of evidence that is infinitely less valuable than everything we've already discussed. I think that final 3rd or so of the case is particularly egregious about treating previous evidence as inconsequential at the slightest bit of opposition in a way that started to really exhaust me by the end. I know that's kinda the whole bit with Ace Attorney, but usually there's a bit of balance in the more well rounded cases. This might be the worst I've seen of it so far, so it left somewhat of a sour taste in my mouth. Still enjoyed it a lot up to that point though, so it gets a solid A rank :)

Sorry I didn't post a lot of screencaps or anything when playin this one, I would have been taking them but my Steam Deck (where i play these most often) has been acting kinda buggy w my controller's screenshot button. It'll work once when I boot up the game fresh and then just not register any of my screenshots after. Hopefully that'll be fixed soon :) Time to move onto AAI2.... sometime in the near future! Maybe tonight! Maybe next week! I dunno! WEEEEE!

[1dream-big1]

Jouw liefdesleven is een sticky situation

soo, uh, i wrote my first fanfiction and smut ever. this is explicit rpf, please just scroll away if you're against it.

summary: horny joost jerking off in the shower and thinking about the reader pairing: joost x fem!reader word count: around 1.9k cw: 18+, jerking off, mentions of unprotected sex, oral (m!receiving), handjob, no use of y/n, all lowercase

not proof read, i only used grammarly to check for random mistakes since english is my second language lol.

all these festivals were getting exhausting – not just physically, but also mentally. sure, it was fun, addicting even, to have all these people shouting his name, his lyrics, being completely enamoured by his mere existence. it wasn’t always just positive, sometimes he would have people looking for him, digging up personal things, being disrespectful. it hurt, but unfortunately, that was just a part of being famous. he didn’t want to think about that though. 

he just finished another performance – the energy was great, everything went well, yet he couldn’t shake off this weird feeling. the whole crew decided to go out for a few drinks. that would for sure help with that feeling, right? it was something they used to do way more often, but lately, the hype was too much and it was hard for him to unwind and truly enjoy the rest of the evening when he wasn’t sure if someone was secretly watching him, taking photos, or recording him. this city, however, was quite lowkey. they all went to a place where they had a vip space reserved for them. the music was okay, not his taste, but it didn’t make his ears bleed. not that it mattered in the end, all he wanted was to just get his goddamn beer. maybe the alcohol hitting his bloodstream would help with the feeling which he still wasn’t able to shake off. the conversation was fun, filled with so many inside jokes and stupid memes that they had seen on social media, but the uneasiness still sat deep inside him even after several beers. he didn’t want to drink more, they all had to leave pretty early the next day, and traveling with a bad hangover wasn’t exactly on his to-do list. 

„not to be the party pooper,“ he interrupted the ongoing chat and continued: „i think i’ll leave you here. something’s kinda off, i dunno, think i just need to shower and sleep.“ he got up, grabbing his hoodie that was lying next to him on the couch. „no worries, man, get some rest,“ said one of his friends, they all exchanged goodbyes and with the hoodie over his head he left the bar. it was already around midnight, he could hear some people yelling in the distance but he didn’t really pay any attention to the noise. the cold breeze felt good, „smells like summer,“ he thought to himself as he breathed in the fresh air and smiled. so many crazy memories made during such nights. he stopped under a flickering post lamp, dug into one of his pockets, and took out a pack of cigarettes, all of them almost gone. „shit, i’ll have to buy some tomorrow,“ he muttered under his breath as he was taking one of the cigarettes, putting it between his lips. he lit the cigarette, smoke filling his mouth and then inhaling it all. the walk towards the hotel didn’t take him too long, in just under ten minutes, he was standing in front of his room and unlocking the door. 

the room was spacious, and quite fancy as well, there was some expensive-looking modern art hanging over the king-sized bed. it didn’t matter to him that much though. as long as he got to sleep somewhere. he used to move so much, going from couch to couch, living in different foster families’ houses. nothing felt like home, not even his own house. the only time he actually felt at home was in your embrace. „shit,“ he sighed as he started thinking about you. he really missed the feeling of you two being together in bed, him lying on top of you and you holding him closely, one hand caressing his back while the other one was lightly scratching his scalp. feeling your chest lift with each breath, you kissing him on the top of his head, playing with his hair. such intimate moments that were taken away from him while he was doing all these shows. he sighed again and rubbed his eyes. all he could think about was you, making out with you and touching all the sensitive places that always made you lightly moan into his mouth and lean into his touch.

he pulled off his hoodie and threw it somewhere haphazardly, then removed his shirt and pulled his pants off, kicking both in the same direction as the hoodie. he looked down at his polo ralph lauren boxers and felt himself get excited from all those thoughts about you. all those whimpers, you whispering: „fuck, joost, please don’t stop,“ into his ear as you’re getting close to your climax while he’s thrusting into you, his fingers circling your clit. it was driving him crazy. he reached down and palmed his growing erection. for a second, he contemplated jerking off right on the spot, but he needed a shower anyway – he might as well just get off in the shower. he groaned at the sensation of his hand slowly stroking himself through his underwear. „fuck, schat, i miss you so much,“ he thought and finally walked into the bathroom, where he removed his last piece of clothing. 

he looked at himself in the mirror, his hands slowly roaming over his body, the skin feeling a bit sticky from all the sweat. he liked being gentle with himself like this, sometimes he would just wrap his arms around his body and feel the self-love. in the end, that is the most real love anyone can get in this world. he pinched his nipple and watched his dick twitch – yet again it surprised him how sensitive his nipples were. the thoughts of you kissing his chest, your hands caressing his soft tummy, your lips moving to his nipples and softy licking them, kissing them, gently biting them filled his mind. all this always made him arch his back and whimper your name, desperate pleas to wrap your hand around his hard cock already ready to escape his mouth. his hand continued down his happy trail, the movement was so slow, he was so pent up yet for some reason decided to tease himself like that. maybe because that was something you would always do? always using your fingertips and light touches to build up the tension and make the release even more powerful. „fucking hell,“ he let out a moan as he finally wrapped his hand around himself, stroking his cock a few times. it was so lewd, masturbating right in front of the mirror, watching himself get harder – „shit, what if there are cameras?“  an intrusive thought entered his brain, but he immediately shook his head to get rid of it. „okay, fuck, shower,“ he realised and finally entered the stall. 

he set the shower head to rain and sighed at the sensation. it felt so good, warm water gently falling on his skin and he wished he could share the moment with you. you’d press your body on his, push one of your legs between his, and feel him slowly grind your thigh, his leaking tip touching your stomach with each thrust. then you’d get on your knees and look up while wrapping your lips around the tip, your right hand working on the rest of his cock while the other hand would massage his balls. he was sure he wouldn’t last for a long time, his hand would stroke himself so fast and then come all over your tongue and lips. he knew the taste wasn’t good at all, he was smoking too much, but you still swallowed because his reaction was so worth it plus it made the cleanup so much easier. all these thoughts were too much, he was slowly losing himself in all this. he leaned towards the wall and stroked himself. he looked down, his dick fully erect, he knew he was pretty big, and the size was especially noticeable when your dainty hands were jerking him off instead. he moaned loudly and picked up the pace, already feeling himself getting close to the edge, even though it had been only a few minutes. 

his mind wandered again, this time he imagined pushing you against the shower wall, making you face it, slapping your ass, and positioning himself right at your entrance. he would tease you for a few seconds, to make both of you want it even more, then slowly push his dick inside you, letting you get used to his girth. it wouldn’t take long for him to start thrusting into you hard and fast – he loved taking his time, even being submissive and letting you take the lead, but sometimes, all he wanted was to fuck you senseless. he loved hearing your moans, calling out his name. yeah, fans screaming out: „joost klein!“ was great, but it was nothing compared to you moaning it when he was deep inside of you, his hands on your hips, moving them towards his body with each thrust, and his lips kissing you everywhere he could reach. it was such a dangerous game, fucking you raw with no birth control whatsoever, both of you not ready to bring a child into this world. he wished he could thrust into you deep and come inside, then watch his cum drip onto your pretty thighs. he’d always pull out and come on your body instead. 

„fuck, baby,“ he moaned loudly, his hand moving so fast on his dick that he was scared he’d get a cramp. his head fell back, he shut his eyes tight, and the thought of feeling you coming on his cock and your muscles squeezing him set him over the edge. he felt his dick twitch in his hand, his movements slowed down until he stopped completely, just holding his cock, and watched the cum that had fallen on the shower floor mix with the water. some of it got on his hand, „ugh,“ he muttered under his breath because it would always turn into such a sticky mess when mixed with water. he washed it off, grabbed a bottle of shampoo, and squeezed some of it in his palm. he massaged his scalp and wished you were there with him and helped him finish the shower. the sex was great, but it was these intimate moments, you slowly massaging his body with a loofah and cleaning him up, that made him feel so loved. he finished off the shower, wrapping a towel around his hips, not even bothering to dry off his wet body. he had a better idea on his mind – he quickly entered the bedroom, wincing at the cold air against his skin, and grabbed his phone. he opened up instagram, quickly found your messages, and opened the camera. he took a selfie, making sure you could see his body was all wet and the towel was dangerously low, showing off his trimmed pubes, and added a short caption: „miss you, schatje, so much. i just came so good thinking about you, baby. :-* can’t wait to get back to you. i love you, liefje. <3“ he set the photo to one view only and hit send.

[copperbadge]

I guess you probably get asked why you’re converting a lot but I still want to ask,

I dunno, I don't think I really get asked all that much, to be honest. Usually when I do it's like -- I mention I'm converting to a Jewish person and they'll be like "Getting married?" and I'll explain I'm not, which does necessitate an additional explanation.

It's difficult to vocalize, which is interesting because it has really very little to do with faith, and that's usually the most difficult part of discussing any conversion, I think. Often I'll just say, "I heard a call". Which is actually a rather Christian way of putting it, but I think it's probably the easiest way to explain, especially in a heavily Christian culture.

I had...I don't want to call it religious trauma exactly because compared to most people I know who exited Christianity, it wasn't traumatic -- I was just raised in Christianity and had trouble buying the faith in the various ways it was presented to me, and there's a certain type of ardent Christian who comes at you hard if you're in their church asking awkward questions. A few encounters with some egregious megachurches in my youth left a bad taste in my mouth, so in my twenties I really wanted nothing to do with religion and didn't have the time or energy anyway -- I wasn't actively anti-religion, just disinterested.

But in my thirties I had to ask myself, do I wish to be part of a faith community? And once I'd decided that despite being pretty heavily agnostic I did want that in my life, I had to decide what I wanted it to look like. There are churches within many branches of Christianity that are fine, and there are whole branches that are fine too, but I kept tripping over my disinterest in Jesus. I did almost become a Quaker but although I really like a lot of the Friends' attitudes towards social justice and I enjoyed silent Meeting, it eventually didn't feel quite right for me (the Quakers in my life refer to me as "Friend-ly"). I looked into Zen Buddhism but didn't click with it in quite the way I'd hoped.

Judaism didn't feel perfect, but unlike other faiths, after several years of study I have yet to reach a point where it feels "not for me" in the way the others did after a few months; even when I struggle with some aspects, instead of saying "I don't think this is it" I dig deeper, and Judaism is a place where you can just...keep digging. I like the sense of history, I like the idea that you can argue not only with other Jews but with the divine itself and maybe even win; I don't like arguing but I like that the option is there, which it never was in my Christian confirmation classes. I like the way Judaism frames community and family, I like the emphasis on scholarship and exploration. I've had to unlearn a lot of weird Christian and atheist attitudes about the Torah, but that's been educational too. Ancient cultures have always interested me and Judaism is sometimes the practice of actively conversing with ancient history that has been incredibly preserved but not calcified. I like that I can be an agnostic Jew if I so choose, once I finish conversion.

(Sometimes I joke, "Eh, I'm not really a huge fan of pork, either, so it's an excuse not to eat pork chops," but that's a joke for very specific company. I don't keep kosher or plan to, but I like that there is an option to show one's devotion through acts of nourishment, and that food is always such a huge part of Jewish ritual. And I like Jewish food.)

There is something in me that reacts to Jewish storytelling -- the fear and fasting of Esther, discourse on the sacrifice of Isaac, grumpy Rabban Gamliel from the Talmud, even the history of the Piazza Alla Cinque Schole when I stumbled into it in Rome. I didn't care particularly about the story of Moses when I learned it as a child, but I sniffle at the parting of the Red Sea in Prince of Egypt every damn time. Not even because of the miracle! I'm simply moved by the vision of a people going to freedom, scared but going, protecting each other and singing as they go.

Anyway. I'm in a conversation with Judaism that isn't over yet, and either eventually I'll reach a point where it ends, or I'll convert and be in this conversation the rest of my life. Kind of fun not to know yet which it will be.

[mysticmellowlove]

Needy, whiny yan who'z your roommate, comes barging into your room as you're studying and you smell smth weird,,, he was smoking, he's as high as a damn kite n wants to be marked up by your knife, the pretty one you love n keep in the bottom drawer of your nightstand,, how could you say no to him? Needed a bit of a break anyway. 😮‍💨 <3

a/n; man fuck i go feral for knife kink

warnings: blood kink, knife kink, vaguely unedited

For the past hour or so you had been looking at the screen in front of you. Work was not going well... at all. Your head was pounding and you were hungry, not only that but the suspicious sounds of your roommate not making noise was starting to creep you out.

He had been living with you for the better half of a year and he was a notorious klutz. You had to admit though, the doe eyes he gave you and the shy demeanour he had about him was kinda hot.

A laugh left your mouth as you questioned your taste in men however it was cut off as the door to your room burst open. Half scared out of your wits you turned to face the obvious perpetrator with a snarl only to see that he looked... more dishevelled than usual.

Usually, he dressed in smart business casual but today he had baggy sweats on and a half buttoned up dress shirt. Saying you were confused was an understatement. His head turned your way, a heady blush already on his cheeks.

"Are you high?" You questioned him, shifting backwards on your chair into a more relaxed position. His lips pursed as he walked over to you, a slight swagger in his step. To your surprise as soon as he reached you he sunk to the ground, his hands going to wrap gently around your thigh.

"Please, need you." You blinked at the needy tone that left his mouth as he gently leaned his head forwards and pressed kisses to your pants. He had never so much as flirted with you and now he was... your cheeks heated up as nasty thoughts filled your mind. Looks like your shy roommate wasn't as innocent as you first thought.

"Want your knife, want you to mark me." A hum left your mouth as you cradled the side of his face, surely your work could wait for a little while. Who were you to deny him like this?

"My knife huh..." You grinned as his bleary eyes met your gaze. His tongue darted out to lick at his lips before he nodded.

"Been so stressed lately." He sighed as your thumb stroked over his cheek, the smell of weed drifted off of him. You inclined your head towards your bedside table, where the knife was usually kept. While you didn't smoke when you got stressed you also had your relaxation techniques. Turns out axe throwing was a cathartic way to get out all your pent up anger at your clients. When you couldn't go to the club you played with the butterfly knife you got for your birthday instead.

As soon as you looked in that direction he had bounced to his feet and was happily rummaging through the old files you kept in the drawer. Soon enough he came back with the knife in his hand, the shiny black metal contrasted with his skin perfectly.

You took it from him and flicked it open, spinning it around your fingers for a while as he watched almost entranced.

"I never knew you were into things like this." You hummed as he settled between your thighs. If you wanted to you could lock your legs around him and prevent his escape but he looked perfectly willing.

"I dunno, it looked hot. Been wanting this for a while actually." He laughed, more cheekily than ashamed. It seemed as if the weed had made him more open. You clicked your tongue, you hadn't ever dabbled in things like this either and you had to say you were a little reserved. If there was anyone in this world who'd get you to try it out though it was him.

The attraction went both ways after all.

Gently you pressed the tip of the knife to his cheek and watched as his breathing stuttered at the cold intrusion. Your hands shook as you trailed the tip over his skin, not yet making a mark but rather letting him feel the bite of the blade.

"Do it, cut me." His voice had dropped into a sultry drawl as he looked up at you from beneath his eyelashes. Your chest fluttered at the erotic expression he was making. Without thinking more about it you pressed this sharp edge into his skin and drew a thin line across his face. It wouldn't be enough to scar but the small droplets of blood that pooled on the metal made your heart race.

A sigh of relief left his mouth as he pressed closer, trying to chase the feeling.

"Shit." You murmured almost to yourself as his hazy eyes tracked your hands' movements.

"You can do more, mark me up and make me yours. Cut me deeper, I want to feel the pain. I promise I can take it, I'll take whatever you give me." His words spurred you on as you brought the knife to his throat. His breath caught as he leaned forwards, his hands pressing into your thighs as he egged you on.

The next cut was deeper, this time the blood didn't bead but rather it leaked down the side of the column of his throat. You watched the visceral red mark on his skin with rapture before standing up. He wobbled back a little, surprised at the sudden movement. You could tell he was about to try and calm you down but that wasn't what you were worried about.

Seeing him like this, so vulnerable underneath you, so willing to take your knife to his throat...

"Stand up." His eyes widened at your tone as he quickly scrambled to his feet. As soon as he was up you grabbed the back of his neck and harshly drew him closer. He gasped as your lips traced over his skin before stopping at the thin trickle of blood. It tasted metallic against your tongue as you lathed over the area.

As you did that you let the knife rest on his chest, to which he pressed forwards eagerly. Your teeth sunk into his neck, making him release a keening moan that stopped him in his tracks.

"Be good for me." You laughed as you dragged the knife downwards. This was definitely much better than doing work.

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐬𝐡𝐞 + 𝐢 = ♡ (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐)

pairing: lexi x reader

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏

plot: y/n is fezco's younger sister, with all the benefits and risks. she don't use that much drugs, and never keeps it with her since in school. y/n is pretty laid back, loves little things in life —and maybe lexi howard. but she don't have to know that. that's only y/n's secret, but can she keep it when destiny brings them closer to each other?

word count: 3.188k

warnings: mentions of drugs, p*rn, basic euphoria things, fez is the coolest bro in the neighborhood

*i wrote this a year ago?  think? don't mind me pliz, i just binged down euphoria once more, re-read the first chapter and got excited again.*

✿ rue's narrating ✿ since jules —alongside maddy and kat— knew that y/n was in love with lexi, she wanted to meet the girl in private, because y/n didn't said anything to maddy and to kat, even if they said they tried hard to get something out of the girl. "and, what do you think about the guys?" maddy asked as they looked for clothes. y/n stood beside her with a hoodie in her arms, typing something into her phone. maybe if she could see who's the girl talking with... "huh? oh, no... not so much." "oh, and why is that? or you just don't tell me because you have a crush on nate, you little bitch!" she teased, but y/n smiled and shook her head. "never in a million years would i crush on nate, and not just because of you, but because he's exatly not my type." "yeah? and what is your type?" maddy felt the glorious taste of victory in her mouth, but when y/n looked at her like she knew that the three knew, she immediately tried to help the situation. "because, y/n, you never dated anybody." "i dunno what's my type, i don't have one... maybe don't be a human trafficker... but yeah, that's all... and i dated a boy, once! only for two days, but this also counts something... i think." wondered y/n. "why did the two of you break up?" maddy couldn't give up, not right now. "i dunno... he was kinda annoying, sucking me for drugs from my brothers, wanted nudes and stuff... fezco almost beat him in the front of the school, but when i told him that we split up with him, we smoked some real good weed at night. but why are you askin' me these questions?" "because valentine's is close, that's why." "maddy, valentine isn't even in six months." "...time is relative, y/n." maddy was defeated for the first time, and she didn't like the feeling.

the next one was kat —with no better outcomes. "can you add that also to my account?" kat pointed to her electronic credit card, while y/n did it with three simple clicks —at the computer science class, it seemed to be much more difficult, that's why the girl ditched the classes and only went to the tests to complete it with the highest grade not just in her class, but in their entire school. many people tried to reach her level, but y/n was by far the most professional hacker in the area. "i did it. do you want something more, or—" "what kind of porn you're into?" kat's sudden question left the girl speechless, looking away from the screen of kat's computer. "what the fuck, kat? are you high or something?" she muttered, peeking out of her door from her sitting position to check if fezco or ash wasn't listening. "no, i'm just interested. since you know about my stuff, it's only fair if you tell me too, isn't it?" kat tried so hard, really. "first of all, i don't think so... you just take your money physically from me, and your porn account doesn't touch me... otherwise, maddy asked me too that what's my type, what's this about? we gon' watch porn on the next sleepover or something?" y/n joked, and kat's face got a little bit hot. "no, i was just interested... people have weird kinks and you never talk about it. in the end, maybe we find out that you have feet-kink, or something else." "would you shame me if i'd like to watch people's legs?" y/n asked back giggling, and when cat tried to stutter something, she began to get serious. "seriously, kat, would that be the problem? i thought we're friends, you just asked and i answered." "n-no, it's perfectly fine, i mean, me and maddy, we- i was just curious, okay? you don't have to feel ashamed or-" kat was bothered y/n loud laugh, pulling up her shoulders as they shook. the other girl lightened a little bit —y/n weren't a piece of cake when it came to her sexual preferencies. "i just pulling you, kat. why would i want to watch other people's weird arms and legs? sometimes my own limbs scare me." "really?"

"only if i smoke some weed." they laughed at y/n's words, but when the y/h/c girl said goodbye to kat and closed their door, kat got her phone out.

kat y/n is so fucking confusing i hope she won't find this out maddy HA I KNEW now you come for me with 10 dollars girl as jules read the messages, swtiching from 'shyguy', prepared herself for the next day and the class with y/n to set a sleepover for the night or the next —she was the only hope for them.

❀

on that terrible monday, the frst day of the school when y/n went home, she tried not to burst out —it was quite difficult, because her brothers cared about her. like, cared about her a lot. "how as your day, lil sis?" fezco's sound was clearly audible through the fast click of the cash-counter machine, as he heard the front door's banging. y/n didn't answer; it was usual, because she didn't say a word until she showered down and changed into some lazier stuff. ash wanted to go after her, but he knew that this was the first day of school, he went too, but still, y/n was much more vulnerable than him and knew that people from school always pulled on y/n for drugs for the thousandth time. "you think everything's alright with her?" he asked fez, who didn't even look up. "chill bro, she's everytime like this when school begins." after a half an hour, y/n came out to eat something since she didn't eat lunch and her breakfast wasn't the biggest, simply a toast with butter or some piece of cookies. opening the fridge, grabbing a can of coke and some processed spagetti, tossing it into the microwave for two minutes, y/n lumped down onto the chair next to fez. opening the can, she drank a couple sips. "you good, sis? how was your day?" y/n sighed. "i fucked up shit." she mumbled, but before fezco could ask anything with a concerned, sudden look towards her, she stood up to get her food from the microwave before the ping! noise sounded. y/n didn't like that sound, she didn't know why but she didn't. "wha' do ya mean? someone with drugs and stuff, or— "no, no, not at all. only rue came to me." "but she's been into hospital with overdose and then she went to rehab, she ain't a junkie anymore, sis. you 'now dis too, been 'ere, in 'er house." "i know fezco, but whether she was in rehab or not, she's still an addict. don't give her drugs, please." fezco sighed, while y/n eat with one fork from the pasta. "but rue's not my biggest concern yet." "then what, little sis? tell me." fezco stopped in the counting, expecting something really bad, horrible shit to come. "do you know the feeling when you did something bad, but don't know what to do because you feel all you could do is something cringy, and all you can do is avoid the situations, but you can't do this forever?" "wow, that's some... complicated feeling shit, didn't know my little sister can feel so many feelings in 'erself." fezco muttered, but he felt relieved. "who caused you this mess of feelings?" "the girl i crush, you know. lexi." fezco nodded knowingly, stretching his hand out for y/n to hold it. "and what did you to 'er?" "does it matter? i just fucked up shit." "yeah, it matters much, kiddo! it ain't the same if you jus' said a bad word to 'er or had sex with 'er sibling." y/n flinched. having sex with cassie was off to the plate since... she didn't even think about cassie in this way, she was way too hetero and bitchy —it wasn't bad from a view, but for y/n, these were the opposites what lexi was having. "no, hell no, bro! it's just... i gave her advice, because she's friends with rue, like, childhood friends. and... it doesn't matter, but they fought and i gave her, i mean lexi, i gave her advice and... she tried to brush my leg but i just flinched away." "but why did you flinch away? did she try to stab you or somethin'?" "no, lexi could never do something like that! she just reached out, trying to thank me or something, i don't know... oh my god, she probably thinks that i am disgusted by her! or that i just don't want to be near of her, or... i don't like her." after y/n monologue, fez nodded. "so you gave 'er advice?" "yeah...?"

"an' just flinched away 'case of some random touch?" "yeah, but... what do you mean, bro?" "i mean that, and if you take your old big bro's word serious... you're afraid 'ow your body reacts or does things, but you souldn't. you gave 'er advice, who the fuck cares if you jus' aren' ready to be touched? you should be worried if you didn't gave 'er advice." "really?" the corners of y/n's mouth lifted lightly. "word. now come here, kiddo." y/n jumped into fez's arms, pulling her leg up beside his, just like when they were kids and fez comforted her on the couch when he and his grandma got home, with blood on the money they got. fez cared so much about his little sister, he knew that he can't protect her forever, and that her heart gonna want what it wants; hs knew guys were dangerous enough, and adding the fact that everyone know what he and ash did, y/n got involved too, sometimes causeless. but he also know by his grandma that girls can be bad too, maybe even worse. y/n wasn't stupid, but she could fall in love so hard that it can get her in trouble —but this lexi girl seemed nice, so as long as she didn't do anything wrong, fezco couldn't have to sleep with one eye open. when y/n laid into bed, she checked the last time her phone, praying for not to see any messages from lexi or cassie. but it was just one single new message from jules —she clicked on it, smiling to herself. she liked jules, they met when she first went to fez to get drugs.

❀

it was the hottest day in california, y/n was afraid that the roof above them gonna melt and destroy the shop —all the blower fans was at the maximum, but y/n still couldn't concentrate fully on her work. it was pretty difficult, one of her clients asked her to hack into someone's discord account, and since y/n's special password-hacking-machine that could just simply spin out the password was blew off because of the much heat, she had to do it in the manual way; it was easy, but tired as hell because she had to hide all the signs that the account has been hacked, meaning the e-mail and other notifications.

"y/n, could you get me a little speed?" fez asked her, shouting to the back. cracking her back, ribs and knuckles, y/n crawled to the table and the bags, picking out the right yellow bag, shaking it a little bit. "here, i dunno why you couldn't get yourself, busy man" she mumbled, but when she started to walk back, she blinked at the costumer who stood before the siblings. she was really pretty; strawberry hair and skinny frame. not the type y/n exactly liked, but she felt that she would be a good friend. "hi" the girl muttered, y/n looked back and lowered her eyebrows. "hey... ya new here?" "yeah, just came a few days ago. i assume that you live here." "since i've been born" y/n replied while smiling lowly. "going to school on 1st september?" the girl nodded. y/n went for a lollipop. "good luck. i'm y/n, by the way." "jules, jules vaughn." "that's perfect, jewel." "no, jules. like the vape 'juul', just with 's' on the end." "oh, so fucking sorry! you know, i'm shit with names, in the beginning i got to write my friends names' on my arm to not to mix or forget it" shit, why did she say that? that was basically the dumbest shit she did in school —y/n hoped jules won't gonna tell it to anyone. "really? that's—" "moronic, i know, ya" "no, that's cute." "shit, thanks..." y/n muttered, looking down at her shoes. fez came back. "i see you made new friends, you lil misanthrope" he teased her. she never heard fez say anything so cultivated —that's why she began to read some books, and for lexi to notice her by how educated or art-loving she is, but everytime y/n tried to tell her what is in the book, she got tongue-tied, or misspelled things like jules' name. "fuck you, fez" she responded. jules payed, but before she turned around, she passed y/n her phone. "what? juul'?" jules giggled while nodded for the other to write her number down. "you're the best face i met yet in this shitty town. and thanks for the luck-wishing." y/n nodded her head, pulling up her knees as she sat beside the cash register. "you're gonna need it, jewel."

❀

juljul wanna sleep over tomorrow bub?

y/n smiled —maybe jules can help her.

❀

jules' room was y/n's second favorite place beside her own room, the girl even let her to decorate the place with scented candles, crystals, minerals and small plants like aloe vera or a pretty cactus. jules loved how y/n let her do her makeup, even if y/n only used eyeliner, eyeshadow or mascara, but she lied for hours calmly with a joint in her hand while jules did whatever she wanted with her face and her hair, the two telling random fatcs or stories to each other.

but now, something was different.

y/n felt it when she sat down on jules' bed, but when jules went to her gardrobe, she looked at y/n from the mirror more times, what made the other suspicious, but she didn't made drama, just kept srcolling on her phone.

"how was your day, y/n?"

"good, but you were with me all the time, so you must 'now, juul'." y/n shrugged her shoulder. "but i have questions for you, too."

jules looked at her with slightly lifted eyebrows, but kept smiling. "sure bitch, just gonna get some drinks. do you want too?"

"yeah, thank you."

y/n was stressed —she had to ask what's with kat and maddy, and if they suspected something, than cassie could suspect something too —after all, it was her sister who she was in love with, and mayb cassie's not that big mind person, but she could guess things too like anyone else. but the most important thing is that... did jules know?

"we only have gatorade, if that's okay." jules passed her a red cup,

"thank you so much."

"so, what is your question? wait, before we begin, can i practice on you?"

y/n nodded, lying on her back simply, like she always did —she was grateful for her; maybe like this, the conversation isn't gonna be that overwhelming.

as jules collected all her stuff, y/n checked social medias, but everything was silent. throwing away her phone when jules dropped down herself beside her ribs, she blinked a couple of times.

"so, i was wondering... that maddy and kat were curious about my love life. like, you three always ship me with basically everybody i talk to or deal with, but in the last few days, they were like mad men... or mad women, sorry."

"sorry for interrupting, should i make your eyeliner curvier or flatter? both can match your eyes, i hate it that you have so perfect eyes, bitch." jules bragged. she didn't seem so stressed, neither was her hand flinching or shaking —y/n's brain slowly began to work, gratefully the weed wasn't that strong.

"i never mind, juul. so, as i was tellin' you, maddy and kat was... just crazy about my sexual life. and not because i am paranoid or some shit, but this happened after lexi intervened, so... do you know something i don't?"

jules frowned for a second, looking at y/n, she shook her head instantly.

"no, of course not! we are just interested, because... you know, i laid down with men some times,"

"quite severely and often", y/n added with a little shit-eating grin, getting some nose scrunches from jules as she ended up adding little stars on the underline of her eyes, under her under-lashes.

"okay, okay! well, maddy got nate..."

"and their relationship amaze me everyday, with the screaming and pissing off with each other", y/n replied, jules rolled her eyes at the comment without a word,

"...and kat... honestly, i don't know what she does on the internet, but she also talks recently with guys."

"or with men? seriously, jules, i don't want to hurt any of you, and i really fucking appreciate that you worry about my love life, but... i don't want to do things as fast as you... and i don't want to have a relationship that is just screeching and hollering and glaring at each other with teary eyes... and i don't want to find love on the internet, it seems easy, but there's never really affection, it's just two people who imagine each other how they want, and if reality doesn't match the imagination, than it goes shit, always. i don't know when i'm gonna find someone, and if i'm ever gonna find someone."

jules nodded, continuing to do her makeup. y/n sighed suddenly, leaning her leg on jules' waist. the other girl nudged her, making y/n blink several time, and strangely serious. sighing, y/n looked into jules' eyes.

"but... there's something that you should know. i know that your close to rue and shit, so... i trust you with this information... i don't really like guys. at all."

the blonde grinned, covering her mouth with her hand. they could see the sparkles from her energy around the room, as a big confession was in the way.

"does this mean... that you..."

"i already have two guys at home, what is so likable about them?" y/n giggled, confessing her love about girls (too?), then got really surprised when jules lifted her up and hugged her tightly.

"i'm so glad that you shared this with me. i had some thoughts about this, but... it's really different if you say it. with your mouth." she whispered happily.

"with my mouth?" y/n pointed at her own lips, making the two of them laugh again.

as jules was done with her makeup, she turned on the tv to watch some anime and stuff, grabbing her phone, it constantly lighted up with kat's and maddy's notifications. looking at y/n as she walked back from the kitchen, she dropped the phone, waiting for y/n to cuddle her.

y/n's gonna tell them if she's ready. other then that,

one step closer.

i can't believe i post this, seriously. i hope you guys liked this part, and sorry for the waiting )):

leave a comment if you're glad that I came out from my cave hihihi <3 stay safe girliez

taglist: @jdstarkey @mr-robot-x @trikruismybitch

[snailsdraw]

[Start ID: 6 pages of HLVRAI narrative doodles about the Science Team's first meeting with the Spore Launcher.

Bubby waves Gordon over to a small lift enthusiastically: "Gordon, come look at what I found! Right this way." Gordon, however, is wary: "I dunno, man. Should I even be trusting you to lead me places? You remember what happened the, uh, buh- the last time, so sue me for having a hard time believing it's safe up there." Bubby gives him a tired look: "Gordon, I've long put that behind me-" "YOU???" Gordon cuts in incredulously, "YOU'VE put-" Bubby ignores him and continues: "And- Yes! I would like if we could get going now."

But they do not get going, because Gordon is now mad. The lift makes its way up without them. "Look, buddy," Gordon starts, trying to keep him volume under control, "I don't know if you think this is some sorts bit? Or me being uncooperative- I am GENUINELY traumatised by what you did. And Benrey. Can't forget him. The fuckin' TWO of you can-" But Bubby isn't having it, and dismissively he says: "Yes, and I apologised. I didn't expect that to happen, you know. I did tell you that." The lift comes back down with a surprised Darnold. "Oh! You guys made it," Darnold says as the lift comes to a halt. Bubby's face brightens as he sees him, and he points out the thing held in Darnold's arms: "Oh good, it's that thing I wanted to show you!" All eyes follow Bubby's finger down the purring lungfish-like alien in Darnold's hands. Gordon is horrified: "What the- what the hell is THAT?? Should we REALLY be touching the weird alien creature- killing machines- in this place- Come on, you guys…"

"Well, y'see, Dr Freeman," Darnold begins matter-of-factly, "those creatures were- y'see, they weren't in tubes. Un-tubed creatures, now they're the ones you gotta look out for. But this one is fine. I should know. I made the potion in the tube I found her in!" Gordons squints at him: "What the hell is he saying?" Bubby's mouth hangs slightly agape. He does not answer. Darnold continues, undeterred: "I recognised it immediately from how I, uh, blacked out for 2 minutes after tasting it." "You WHAT?!!" Gordon yells. Bubby regains his voice. Something Darnold had said about making potions for tubes had left him uneasy. "Darnold, did you aid in my creation?" he asks in a small voice, too quiet to hear over Gordon's volume. "WHY WOULD YOU- You're supposed to-" Gordon stumbles over his words, perplexed by Darnold's actions, "Weren't you, like, terrified of dying just a minute ago- WHY would you drink something you didn't even RECOGNISE??!" "Look-" Darnold tries to interject, but Gordon presses on. "YOU COULD'A DIED, MAN!!" Sensing that Gordon is finally done, Darnold sighs: "Look, I understand your concerns, Dr Freeman, but what IS a scientist if not someone who observes and makes sense of his surroundings?"

Gordon pinches his nosebridge and screws his eyes tight shut: "I dunno…Alive? Usually?" "I do this for a living, you know?" Darnold counters. Bubby folds his arms, unimpressed: "That's no attitude for a scientist, Gordon. How do you think we got so famous as a research facility?" Gordon groans: "From all the shit that's going on now, for sure. The media's gonna run with this for weeks-" He cuts himself off with an exhausted sigh: "I'm done with this conversation." Gordon pulls his hand from his face and gestures to the alien creature in Darnold's arms: "What's, uh, what's that thing you found there, bud? You know it's not dangerous. What else d'you got? Know?" Darnold's eyes wander upwards in thought, stroking the creature absentmindedly: "Well…she didn't try to take my head off when she saw me, that's one. There were two others in the intact tubes nearby. Hers was broken."

As the creature begins to purr under his hand, Darnold smiles slightly: "Oh! And that she seems to enjoy being pet…which was quite surprising." "I couldn't find any written information on their species," he continues, "so I've elected to call them the, uh…Gubbs…after the sound they make." "The Gubbs," Gordon repeats, unsure, "Right, okay-" Bubby raises an accusing eyebrow at Darnold: "That's not what we agreed on." He raises an intelligent finger, recounting: "I remember clearly stating that they looked like mini Hubble Telescopes, and that we named them "Hubbs"." Darnold frowns at him: "I- no, you- I recall no exchange of that nature, Dr Bubby." Overlapping him, but quieter, Gordon mutters: "The Hubb- I mean, I guess? Kinda? But-" Bubby jumps back in to correct Darnold: "Of course, you do! It's much like the James Webb Telescope you kids are more familiar with these days." Gordon freezes.

"Gh- The-" Gordon stutters, and it takes him a moment to find his words, "J-James Webb." Bubby begins to say "Yes", but shuts his mouth right before the word leaves. "James Webb," Gordon continues, shaken, "I'm not trippin', right? He said that. James-" "…yeah, I, uh…" Darnold says, equally at a loss, "…I don't know what that is." Gordon points at Bubby: "How do you know what that is, it's not even-" his voice drops into a harsh whisper, "It doesn't even exist yet??" Gordon sucks in a breath. "Bubby," he tries again, carefully "How do you know what that is?" The old man is silent for a long beat. "Hello, Gordon," Bubby says. The defult NPC dialogue line catches Gordon off guard so hard he wheezes in surprised laughter. "You can't just-" Gordon wheezes for breath. "That's Dr Coomer's line-" As if on cue, the stout elderly scientist appears by Bubby's side. "HELLO, GORDON!" Dr Coomer greets chipperly. Gordon heaves a heavy sigh: "Hello, Dr Coomer…" "Hello, Dr Coomer!" Bubby beams.

End ID.]

Previous parts found here: [Part 1.] [Part 2.]

[silverwhittlingknife]

Dick resurrecting Bruce via Lazarus Pit and his reasons for doing so left a bad taste in my mouth. Especially when Dick tried to talk Tim out of it. I don't like it. I wish Tim found out about it and... Had a serious discussion with him? Hit him? Left? I dunno.

Oh man, it's hard for me to talk about this one without the Doylist approach. I'm gonna come back to these panels, but I just want to leave them here as a contrast between how Dick is written in his solo vs. how he's written in Batman and Robin:

Dick: Tim... I ... where does it stop, right? What about your mom, then? My mom and dad? Bruce's...? (Nightwing 139)

Dick: This isn't just "loved ones," Alfie. It's Bruce Wayne, the Batman. He saved our lives, he saved the city and the world how many times? (Batman and Robin 9)

I have SUCH complicated feelings about the Morrison Batman and Robin run? I like a lot of the Dick-Damian-Alfred dynamics, and I love the idea of villain!Jason as a major antagonist for DickBats, and I love what I think is the concept of the Lazarus Pit arc, which is that Dick's slowly crumbling under the pressure of being Batman and Jason's taunting is the last straw that finally pushes him to make a terrible mistake.

But I don't like the execution of the Lazarus Pit arc, and the disregard for big chunks of post-Crisis continuity and characterization is sooo frustrating. ("I don't like to plan"/pro-Lazarus-Pit!Dick, cartoonishly-evil!Talia, redhead!Jason, etc.)

And yet. AND YET. So many of the concepts are so good! The execution is so messy, but the concepts are so good! I want to tear it all up and then put it lovingly back together but different sdfdsfs

I had a lot of thoughts, so below the cut:

Why characterizations in B&R are a huge departure from previous continuity (Doylist version)

Why the Lazarus Pit arc COULD BE SO GOOD though (and how we can make it work with Watsonian reasoning)

Finally getting back to your question - how would Tim react? (tl;dr probably with concern and worry?)

Characterization Changes

Just to give you a bit of an idea of how abrupt a departure B&R is from Dick's solo, here are some panels showing some major changes.

1) Dick on Lazarus Pits: Pro or Against?

Here's Dick arguing against using the Lazarus Pit and telling Tim it won't bring back the soul in Nightwing 139:

Here's Dick doubling down on the evilness of the Lazarus Pit when Ra's taunts him with it post-Bruce's death in Nightwing 152:

But here's Dick arguing that the Lazarus Pit will be fine and that he doesn't believe in "prophecies of doom" in Batman and Robin 7 (and indeed, also in B&R, he'll kill and resurrect Kate with zero consequences - convenient!):

2) Talia: protective or cruel?

Here's Talia worrying about Damian's safety and teaming up with the Batfamily to try to save him from Ra's in Resurrection:

But here's Talia smirking after telling Damian they're enemies now and she's going to replace him with a clone in Batman and Robin 12:

3) Dick and planning

Here's Dick-the-planner in Nightwing 142:

Tim: That's a lotta ordnance. Dick: Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

But here's Dick the impulsive leap-before-you-look guy in Batman and Robin 9:

Dick: ... Okay, I'm sorry - I don't like to plan, I work without a net... I'm not Bruce.

4) Resurrection: the right choice or the wrong choice (part 2)

Here's Dick telling Tim he made the right choice (not trying to resurrect anyone) in Nightwing 139:

But here's Dick insisting that resurrecting Bruce would've been the right choice in Batman and Robin 9:

This is one of those "clearly some people were writing angry letters to the editor" moments sdfdsfds, because it's awkwardly attempting to address Dick's abrupt about-face but the writer still hasn't read the issues in question because

a) Alfred has no way of knowing Dick's previous stance and it's incredibly weird that he would, b) "cautioned against" the Pit is a lot milder than "had a fist-fight with Tim about it," c) Dick's argument has shifted from "the Pit is an eldritch evil that's untrustworthy and probably soulless" to "look, resurrection is a special thing, and not all loved ones are important enough for resurrection," which, uh, okayyyy, and d) Dick is still full-naming "Tim Drake" as if he's a business associate and they had an argument about how to properly file paperwork and now it looks like Tim Drake was right after all, as opposed to Dick's little brother that he had a huge fight with and who subsequently ran away from home insisting that their dad was alive and that he was gonna prove it and now it turns out their dad is alive

Why This Arc Could Be Great Though

Listen, Dick-driven-to-the-Lazarus-Pits is a great concept. I love narrative foils. I love Dick ending up in the exact same place that Tim was in Resurrection, and even though he knows better. I love Dick being that desperate. Here's the setup:

Damian's back gets broken, Alfred takes him to get emergency treatment from Talia but it's not clear if he'll recover,

villain!Jason taunts Dick about not caring about Bruce,

Dick's been slowly crumbling under the pressure of being Batman and between the guilt of Damian being injured and the blow of Jason's accusations (not to mention having to fight villain!Jason and get him arrested), this is the last straw,

he decides to resurrect Bruce even though he knows perfectly well this is a terrible idea because he was the one who talked Tim out of it

he heads off to do this incredibly stupid thing and nobody stops him because normally on the rare occasions Dick's out-of-control Tim shows up and stops him (Hugo Strange, the Joker) but Tim isn't here and actually the strain of that ongoing estrangement is probably also contributing to Dick's isolation and terrible decision-making

the attempted resurrection goes horribly and Dick has to fight a grotesque parody of his tragically-dead father

I love this idea!! I love it when characters make stupid emotional decisions with terrible consequences!! I love the ways Dick and Tim's arcs intersect and parallel each other!!

And I think this could absolutely be in-character for Dick. He knows it's wrong and a bad idea, but he's desperate and pushed to his limits and grasping at straws? Yeah. I can see it.

BUT yeah, not in love with the execution. My conclusion is that more people should write about this arc in fanfic. <3

How Would Tim React?

I think it depends on where you put Tim in the story?

Options that come to mind:

Tim finds out mid-adventure: Tim's semi-teaming-up with Ra's and underground in a League base - and suddenly he stumbles on Dick sneaking in with (apparently) Bruce's dead body! In this case, I think Tim's first reaction is defensiveness about his own behavior and assuming he's being spied on, and it only slowly dawns on him that Dick's up to something. I'd really want to somehow maneuver a physical fight where Tim tries to stop him, so you get a direct reversal of Resurrection, but mmmm I'm a little stuck on how to get there since Tim's working theory is that the body isn't Bruce's body, so I don't see why he'd be opposed to Dick dumping it in? But anyway, they should have a physical fight and a direct parallel where Tim realizes he needs to back off and let Dick decide, and then they hug ;_; I feel like to make this one work you need Tim really invested in stopping Dick, so uhhhhh maybe for some reason Tim's "rescue Bruce from time" plan requires the body of the clone? So Dick CAN'T put it in the Lazarus Pit, or Bruce will be LOST FOREVER?

Tim gets told about it after the fact: So uhhh for example, Ra's finds out about Dick's botched resurrection attempt and tells Tim about it in an attempt to paint Dick as a hypocrite/ entice Tim into using the Lazarus Pit. I feel like Tim would just straight-up not believe him? But let's say that Tim finds out for sure - either Dick admits it to him, or he sees some League recording, or whatever. I'm not really sure how Tim would react? Worried, probably, because it's out-of-character, and I feel like Tim might wonder if it's really him or if he's under magical influence or something? And uhhhh then ideally Tim realizes that no, it was because he was having a really hard time ;_; and then Tim is worried about him and comforting and/or apologetic and probably Dick is probably also apologetic and then they hug <3.

Alternate third terrible possibility: it is Bruce's body, he was dead and Tim was just in denial, Dick resurrects him but there are some kind of eldritch evil consequences, and then Dick has to call Tim back and they have to fight undead!Bruce together. I like this one >:D

[g0ttal0ve101]

Melanie <3

[a/n]: believe it or not this takes place in MIDDLE SCHOOL ❤️ aka mel is fifteen and lu is fourteen! babies making very bad decisions…. TW: ED SCENE!

“I’ll eat it.”

Melanie smiled brightly as he gave her another pack of Oreos his stepfather packed him, sighing heavily in distraught.

“He always packs me these when we get into a fight…” Lucian said softly, tucking a lock of his pretty hair behind his ear. “I get that I used to like them when I was a kid, but…they’re not even my favorite anymore.”

Melanie watched as he picked at the rest of his food, gloomy as could be — as usual. It made her sad to see him like that, but happy that he was willing to give it all up to her. A part of her felt bad for thinking that way. But not bad enough to stop.

She eyed up the rest of his lunchbox. He sighed and pushed it over in her direction, smiling weakly. “…Have it, Mel. You need it more than me.”

With a faint smile on her face, she hesitated. “You don’t have to gimmie all of it…”

“Don’t feel bad. I’m not hungry.”

He had a way with his tone. Shifting closer to her, he let out yet another deep sigh and rested his head on her shoulder. Melanie rubbed his back while eating every last bit of his lunch, even the things that he had left in there for a few days now — like granola bars and cheap wafer cookies. To her, they tasted like heaven. To anyone else, it was like taking a mouthful of sugary-dust.

Lucian looked off into the distance as she finished up, clearly too wrapped in his own thoughts to care what she was doing. That’s probably why he didn’t see her eyeing up all the notes in his lunchbox pocket labeled For Bunny. She didn’t have the heart to mention it. It was evident from his face that he didn’t like talking about anything related to his stepfather nowadays.

“…Mel, are you okay?”

The question took her aback. She was in the middle of feeling bad for him, so she hardly expected the tables to be turned back onto herself. She blinked in awe a few times before wiping her mouth off and raising an eyebrow, confused as to why he shifted the barrel of the gun.

“Uh, yeah? Why?”

“I dunno. You’ve kinda lost a lot of weight.”

Bullseye. Melanie’s jaw dropped for a moment before she quickly fixed her face, laughing it off as though the comment had no relevance whatsoever.

“Have I? Good, I was looking like a real fatass earlier this year!”

Lucian lifted his head from her shoulder and furrowed his eyebrows. She nervously laughed.

“You weren’t fat at all, actually. And even if you were, it doesn’t make a difference. You’ll always be the prettiest girl I know.”

Melanie’s face grew warm as she swatted him away with her hand. “You’re just saying thaaat…”

“No, I’m not! I think you’re super pretty!”

Their faces were inches from each other. Melanie rolled her eyes and shoved him away, knowing he lost all sense of personal space again. He laughed a little before lowering his head and batting his eyelashes.

“Melanieee…”

“I don’t wanna hear it from you! You’re just blowing smoke up my ass!”

“Nuh-uh! I really do think those things, Mel. And I don’t think that you should concern yourself with your weight as much as you do.”

“W-Well, you’re the one who brought it up!”

Lucian pouted his lips a little. “That’s ’cause I know that you’re losing weight on purpose, silly. Just last week, you kept checking to see if your fingers could fit all around your wrist. Then, you cried the other week when we got our PE physicals done and you were a pound heavier! Plus, you always talk about how you wished you were as skinny as Kai from history class!”

Melanie bit her fingernails with a sly grin. “Okay, but he has the perfect body, right? I’m not wrong about that…”

“I dunno him very well, but I don’t think that figure’s healthy, Mel…”

“But you have to admit he’s hot! That waist is just…oooh, Lu you don’t even wanna know.”

“H-How long have you been watching this guy?!”

“Is it weird to check out everyone in the locker room? I think Mia’s the hottest. Don’t even get me started on—!”

“I’m not getting you started! Stop!”

“Whaaat, you’re telling me you don’t take a peek while you’re getting changed? Not even a little?”

“I think I’d rather die. Honest to God.”

Melanie nudged him on the arm playfully to point out Kai from afar, walking with a pair of headphones on and no lunch. It was a pitiful sight, but Melanie seemed to see way more into it than just a lonely kid.

“You see that?! Lookit!”

Lucian looked away bashfully. “…Do you want David to kill me?

“He can kiss my ass. Anyways, what’s so wrong with me wanting that figure for myself? It’s not like I’m starving or anything. Didn’t you just see me eat all that food like a fuckin’ pig? I’m cool! I’m getting all the calories I need!”

“You do eat well…”

“See? There’s no problem! You’re just worrying yourself too much, babe.” She patted his head lovingly with a cheeky grin. “I’m fiiine.”

Lucian fidgeted with his fingers. “I just wanna make sure, Mel…”

She hated how easy it was to lie to him.

Trying her hardest to shift the conversation without being too obvious and making him poke more, she wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. He struggled to break free.

“I don’t get how you can be so skinny when you drink that much! Alcohol makes a lotta people gain weight! That reminds me, are you going to Lindsey’s birthday party?”

Lucian smiled ear-to-ear. “With David! We’re gonna pregame too! David makes these awesome drinks with fruit-flavored vodka, prosecco, and Sprite. Trust me, it’s a life changer…maybe you can come over and try some!”

“No, you jerk. I’m not tryna gain the weight back. Just…don’t overdo it like last time, okay?”

“Well, are you coming to the party?”

“Hell yeah, I’m coming to the party! Trust me, I can have more fun sober than you can when you’re wasted.”

Lucian rolled his eyes with a silly grin spread across his face. “Whateverrr.”

And that’s how Melanie found herself in Lindsey Hall’s bathroom, making herself throw up into the toilet. She stuck her finger down her throat to hit her gag reflex, making sure to have every calorie hit the road before it was fully digested. The cheap school breakfast, Lucian’s lunch, the party snacks, all of it. She wanted it all gone.

It hurt. Throwing up everyday made her diaphragm sore and her stomach upset beyond belief. She figured the pain she felt was really just her body eating itself, slimming down to the perfect waistline and flat tummy she wanted. If she kept this cycle going — eating like a fucking pig then purging — she’d look better. Look thinner.

Become beautiful.

It took her twenty minutes to get it all done. She always packed a toothbrush in her bag so she could brush all the grime out anywhere she wanted, practically making her gums bleed from how much pressure she used to muffle the taste. Amidst her tearful routine of cleaning her mouth out, she finally heard the expected knock against the door. She groaned and wiped her lips, putting her toothbrush back into its original position in her leopard-print handbag.

“I’m in here!”

“Melll, come onnn! We’re gonna take shots!”

Melanie rolled her eyes. Telling by his slurred words, Lucian was already pushing his body’s limits of intoxication. Like usual.

Fixing her hair and lipstick, she pulled herself together and tried to conceal her tears. “Okay, okay, I’m coming.”

[gettingfrilly]

Can't get you out of my Ed

Chapter one of... 39 chapters lmao. This fic will kill me and I'll be damned if I don't take some of you down with me. Read it here or on ao3. Super mega thanks to @fish-bowl-2 for betaing and also for giving feedback on my massive outline.

--------------------------------------------------

“Ppbbbbbbththtbbbhththtthhhhh.”

“Dude.”

“Dude yourself.” Eddy mutters, not caring if Kevin objects to his bored mouth noises. What else is he supposed to do? It’s Wednesday, five pm, and raining. No one's been in the candy store for hours, and ain’t no one gonna show up before they close at six. So he stands here bored out of his skull, full weight propped against the counter with his face squished in his hands, elbows velcroed to the permanently sticky wooden surface. He keeps his eyes where they’ve been glued for the last hour, which is directly on the nostalgic kitsch wall clock with plastic lollipops for hands and pounded sheet metal with a scene from some 50’s style soda shop superimposed on it for a face. It goes well with the completely non-functional jukebox in the corner, the rows of dusty, empty, retro soda bottles lining the shelves on the wall opposite the front door, and the 40 year old ice cream machine behind the counter that’s been out of order since last summer. Eddy had felt giddy when Kevin first got him a job here his freshman year, tickled by his younger self’s hypothetical jealousy over how easily he could pocket a jawbreaker here and there. The garish clashing of the puke green tiles and pastel pink walls had filled him with bittersweet memories of childhood, familiar and welcoming for a first time job.

Now he just finds the whole store ugly. 

“You could, ya know. Work.” Kevin suggests. “Clean something. Stock something. Anything other than standing there with your thumb up your ass.”

“Oh? And you can’t?” He asks while side eyeing Kevin, who is also currently standing around with his thumb up his ass. More specifically, he’s leaning backwards against the displays behind the counter, wide shoulders slouched as his arms dangle at his sides. The clean hairline of his crew cut frames his wide, blocky face with sharp angles. He’s been made up of solid, sturdy shapes since he started playing for the varsity team in his junior year, and his workout regimen has further defined his muscles in the years since. Eddy wouldn’t exactly describe him as beefy, but his build is athletic for sure. He’s also classically handsome, Eddy begrudgingly admits to himself, though he’s not really his type. Too much of a normie for his tastes, with his basic sense of style and outfit compiled of store brand athletic wear. Guy shops at Old Navy for sure. Well, more like his mom shops for him there.

“I’m the boss. I’ve got underlings to do that kind of stuff for me.” An annoyingly smug smile graces his shovel shaped chin, and Eddy can’t help but grind his teeth.

“For your information, bossman, ” he hisses the title, “shelves: dusted. Floors: mopped. Inventory: stocked. Windows: windexed. Hell, I even ordered the lollipops by color out of fucking boredom. There is truly not a single thing left to do.”

Kevin hums and scratches his ten acre chin. “Oh. Well. Pbth.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

‘ Come now, with your cleaning skills, surely you left something amiss. Did you wipe down the floor trim? Deep clean the register? I see plenty of snack crumbs wedged between those sticky keys. And you didn’t even mention the employee bathroom, for heaven’s sake. ’

“Shut up.” He mumbles under his breath. “Huh?”

“Nothing. Hey, how’s Nazz doing?” Kevin’s and Nazz’s shaky relationship isn’t exactly his favorite can of worms to open, but he’s starting to get bored enough to peel his eyelids off of his face, so he better strike up some kind of conversation. 

“ Man- ” Yup, here we go, “I don’t get what’s up with her. Ever since she moved to Buffalo she’s been acting all different and weird. Dunno what happened to the Nazz we used to know.”

‘ She grew up. Which is something you may want to look into yourself, Kevin. 19 years old and no interest in pursuing a higher education or a greater calling like our dear Nazz has. Tut tut.’

“Yeah, it’s almost like she cares about shit now or something.”

“Exactly,” Kevin bemoans, completely missing Eddy’s sardonic tone. “I don’t get all the polisci stuff she talks about. I’m just not a political guy, ya know? Why can’t things just go back to being simple between us? College wrecks people, man.”

On one hand, even Eddy can tell Kevin’s being pig-headed about this. On the other hand, he can relate on a very painful, squishy, sore, and tender level.

‘Well you are quite pig-headed yourself.’

“She just outgrew this small town shit. We all should. I know I’m getting out of here as soon as I graduate.”

“Speak for yourself. I like it here.” Kevin mutters while crossing his arms petulantly.

“Of course you do, mister former high school quarterback nepo baby. You already got shit made here. Doesn’t your dad own the candy factory now?”

“Vice president. But yeah, he’ll own it soon. And he’s thinking of expanding. But what are you complaining about? Aren’t you all set up to inherit your old man’s dealership? That place makes decent dosh.”

“I’d rather eat nails.” The words come grinding out of his mouth as if it were already full of sharp, pointy metal.

“What? No way, man, you used to brag about that place all the time. Said it was your legacy and that you were gonna make it the hottest place in the county to get a used car.”

“Times change.” That’s the only explanation he’s willing to offer.

Kevin just shrugs, much to Eddy’s gratitude. That’s probably the best thing about being friends with Kevin; guy doesn’t ask questions. Makes him a solid person to vent to.

‘Especially if you’re allergic to discussing your feelings.’

With a long suffering groan, Eddy literally peels himself off of the old counter to do another useless perimeter search of the shop. He knows he still won’t find anything to do, but at least it’ll get his body moving. His sneakers squeak against the freshly mopped floors (so bored he even got out the mop, for chrissake…) as he eyes the displays, watching his reflection warp and transform from one glass container to the next, an endless hall of funhouse mirrors mocking him with his own boredom, irritation, and overall misery. His fault for scrubbing them all until they were spotless. The hole punched cardboard pallet that holds a variety of different brands of lollipops is just as hue spectrum oriented as he left it, so this time he goes for ordering them by size and shape instead. Well, that killed two minutes. Walk by the freezers, rearrange  some mismatched soda bottles he missed before. 30 seconds. Scrape a fleck of taffy off of one of the sliding door handles. 20 seconds. Stare at the wall for five seconds. Bang his head against it. Another second. Bang. Another second. Bang. Another second. Bang.

“I’m taking a smoke break!” He calls loudly over the shelves in the direction of the front counter, not waiting for Kevin to respond before frantically scrambling towards the backroom. He nearly trips over a broom as he bursts into the cramped space, swearing at it uselessly as he stumbles over to his locker. It gets jammed as usual, the damn thing, Eddy jiggling the handle with a growl before he finally tears it open. The hood of his windbreaker catches on one of the locker’s internal hooks, causing Eddy to shout obscenities until he finally shakes it loose and shoves his arms into the sleeves. He stomps towards the back door and bumps it open with his hip as he wrestles with the zipper, getting himself encased once he steps outside into the muggy July evening air.

The door slams shut behind him as he huddles under the small overhang of the dirty green awning adorned above the back door, fishing his pack of camel menthols out of the pocket of his windbreaker. The hush of rain against the pavement and rhythmic pounding of droplets plunking against the rusty metal of the awning harmonize well together, creating a nice soundscape to back up the click click click of his lighter. He mutters swears under his breath like a prayer, internally praising glory hallelujah once the cig balanced between his lips lights and he can breath in deep and slow, the mint flavoring tickling his nose hairs and soothing the burn of hot smoke in his windpipe. Smoke billows from his mouth and nose after he’s held in his lungful for as long as he can, his exhale audible and pointed heavenward, smoke catching and lingering on the underside of the sheet metal above. 

‘Those will kill you.’

“The sooner the better.” Eddy mumbles, letting gravity pull his loosening body down against the wooden door behind him, desperate for a paint job. He takes another grateful drag as he watches the rain bounce and slide off of trashbags, forming muddied puddles in the potholes below. The hit of nicotine puts a fuzzy blanket over the constantly firing nerve endings in his brain, making his eyes droop as he fights back a yawn. Double D doesn’t know what he’s talking about, calling nicotine a stimulant. Smokes practically put him to sleep. 

He sneers down at the ground. What’s he got to even do these days other than work, smoke, sleep, repeat? The only thing he has to look forward to are the occasional phone calls he makes to Ed at the military school his shithead mom shipped him off to last summer before they all started their junior year. Double D and Ed were inconsolable that day, clinging to each other and sobbing as Ed’s dad silently packed his red commodore with sparse necessities, the rest of Ed’s belongings in boxes marked for the salvation army. The memory still makes Eddy’s eyes burn, the same way they did that day as he blinked to hold back his tears, repeating to the other two that they’d call, they’d write, they’d visit, and once senior year was done in two years, the three of them would be out of here. Double D would definitely get accepted to some fancy shmancy school on a fancy shmancy scholarship, and the two of them would follow along, working whatever jobs available so that their combined income with Double D’s scholarship funds could net them a nice apartment in whatever fancy shmancy city Double D went to for school. They’d be free of this pimple on the map of America called Peach Creek, free from their families, free from public school, free to be themselves. There’d be a queer scene, he told Double D. They’d be accepted there, he told him. It wouldn’t be like it is out here in the boonies. They wouldn’t have to hide.

Well, his plan may have less people in it now, but he’s sticking to it. He can’t stand the boredom anymore, can’t stand the confinement. If he spends one more summer afternoon staring at his bedroom ceiling, has one more shift during the dead hours of the candy store, has to give his dad one more excuse as to why he’s not dating anyone now that he’s got a paycheck, he’s going to burst out of his own skin like some kind of insectoid, brain sucking monster from one of Ed’s B-rated black and white horror flicks and suck the noggins of everyone in a five mile radius. He’ll get out of this shithole come hell or high water. He has to get out.

‘And go where, exactly?’

‘Anywhere but here.’

‘To do what?’

‘Live. Breathe. Stretch out and run around and scream and cry and shout and kick and hit and go and go and go.’

‘With who?’

‘Ed. Or no one. Who cares.’

‘You’d be alone.’

‘I’ve always been alone.’

‘That’s not true. You know that’s not true.’

Water streams from the corners of the awning, creating a puddle dangerously close to his Air Force 1s. An errant raindrop lands right on top of the toe of his left sneaker, and he grumbles as he bends over to swipe it away, cursing himself for not looking at the weather report before putting these on. He curses louder when a chunk of ash falls from his cig and takes up residence where the water droplet just vacated, grabbing it from his mouth to hold it out to the side as he frantically brushes off his shoe.

‘Please, Eddy, be careful! Think of how much money your mother spent on such a frivolous purchase.’

Eddy snarls, sick to death of this incessant nagging. “Just shut uuUGHH!”

The smack of the wooden door against his ass throws him completely off balance, staring down at his shoes one second then catching himself on his hands and gazing at a puddle inches from his face the next. Adrenaline rushes through his body, making his lungs seize up and his eyes go wide, the rain falling on the back of his head feeling far colder than it should be on a warm July evening. He keeps himself propped up on one hand as he swivels around to identify his attacker, blinking owlishly when he sees Kevin standing in the lit doorway, giving Eddy the same, wide eyed look.

“Dude. You okay?”

Anger quickly intermingles with his gut-dropping fear, gritting his teeth as he pushes himself back onto his feet. “Watch where you’re going, shovel chin!”

Kevin places one hand on his hip while he holds the door open with the other, expression blasé. “Doors are for opening, man. Anyway, we’re closing up. Just wasting money at this point.”

He finally catches his breath, raising his cigarette to take another calming drag, only to feel something unpleasantly cold and soggy touching his lips. Damn it. His hand must have landed in a puddle. He groans and pushes his now wet hair out of his face.

“These ain’t fucking cheap.” He grumbles, flicking the unlit stub to the ground.

“Did you even hear me, man?”

“Huh? Oh.” Calmer and less distracted now, his brain finally catches up with what Kevin said. “Yeah, great idea, bossman!” The title is used in a much more jolly manner than before, giving Kevin a pat on the back and leaving a stubby, wet handprint behind as he pushes past him and back into the backroom to grab the rest of his stuff. He kicks off his nice sneakers to trade them for the ratty back ups he keeps in his locker, stepping into the worn pair as he puts his multi-colored Nikes into his water proof backpack for safe keeping.

Kevin sneers and murmurs something Eddy is sure was insulting as he looks behind himself and at the back of his shirt. “I’ve got to count money and lock up if you wanna stick around to help-”

Eddy’s locker slams abruptly, echoing loudly in the small space as he slings his drawstring bag over his shoulders and puts his hood up in quick, jerky motions. “Bye, seeya later, hasta la vista, sayonara, annyeong.” He half-jogs out of the back room before finishing his goodbyes, ignoring Kevin’s jeering as he slips through the door to the front room. He continues his half jog past the candy displays, snagging a jawbreaker and shoving it into his pocket next to his smokes before heading out the door and back out into the rain.

He breathes in a deep breath of freedom as he stretches his arms out to his sides and then over his head, making his way back to the cul de sac with a skip in his step. The world is his oyster now that he’s off of work. Now he can… he can… well.

The skip turns into a slow trudge as Eddy remembers he doesn’t actually have anything post work to look forward to, mood sinking further and further with each dark and empty store he passes by. Looks like Kevin wasn’t the only one who decided to close up early; all of downtown is dead. And it’s just not the cafe, the butcher shop, and the shoe store that are dark. It’s too early for the street lights to come on, but the sky is thick with heavy rain clouds, keeping the sunlight prisoner behind the bubbling veil of black and gray. His eyes turn down to the wet cement of the sidewalk with its divots and potholes, floating cigarette butts in the puddles that formed within them, scowling at his feet as they pointlessly move beneath him. What’s he even going home to? Another evening zoning out in front of the TV? Maybe lying upside down on his bed and listening to saccharine sweet slow dance songs? Then whatever he does will just be followed by chain smoking in the backyard until he’s tired enough to pass out as soon as his head hits the pillow, welcoming oblivion as an alternative to being left alone with his thoughts. It’s the same damn thing every day. And it’ll keep being the same damn thing every day until he gets out of here or dies. Dying may be the more convenient option at this point. It’d be a lot easier than having to finish high school before he beats it. All he has to do is wait for a car to come by and then jump out in front of it.

But no cars come. No one coming, no one leaving, a town stuck in stasis, the white noise enough to deafen him. His shoes are getting soaked. He’s gonna get cold feet.

Christ, he needs to quiet his fucking mind before he ends up as roadkill. He reaches into his pocket, fingertips brushing against the cool metal of his lighter before he finds his pack of camels, grasping onto it like a lifeline. He takes out the light with it, shaking a cig loose from the pack and into his waiting hand. He balances it between his pointer and middle finger, bringing it up to press it between his lips and under his hood so he can attempt to light it-

Only to immediately pull his hand away when he tastes blood on his tongue.

“The fuck?” He squeaks out, high pitched and startled. He looks at the cig and finds fresh red blood smeared on the paper and filter, but that’s not what’s most alarming; what has him wince and hiss under his breath is the sight of his hand, dark, slimy globules clotted together in the center with dried and flaky trails of blood running down between his fingers, some of it gathered under his nails, in his nail beds, and around the gold band on his ring finger. Rain splashes down into his open palm, the droplets saturating themselves with blood before they roll down the sides of Eddy’s hand and down his wrist, leaving trails of pink behind. He swipes his thumb gingerly over his palm and squints, scowl deepening when he discovers the cut beneath, small but deep. 

Damn it. Must have happened when he fell. Probably glass from a broken bottle. How did he not feel it? Stupid Kevin. Stupid door. He clicks his tongue and keeps walking, placing the cig back between his lips; he’s not gonna waste another one of these. It brings him minimal relief once it’s lit, his frayed nerves further agitated by the site, smell, and taste of his own blood. He’s had e-fucking-nough of that for one life time. Thankfully the shops start to become far and few between, with residential houses looming on the horizon. He’ll walk in through the back door to his room before his mom gets a chance to see his hand and starts freaking out. He’ll clean his hand, dry off his feet, and get out of this fucking rain. That’s something to sort of look forward to. Isn’t it?

When he turns the corner of rethink avenue several minutes later, all thoughts of the creature comforts of home disperse like a warren of rabbits intruded on by a fox. His cig, burned down to a stub at this point, dangles from his parted lips, eyes frozen on the looming portend of the past come to haunt him currently parked in his own fucking driveway. He’s freezing suddenly, all heat sapped out of him like someone pulled the plug, lungs becoming a vacuum as cosmic background radiation burns within them, singed by his only source of heat. It’s like he’s falling again, shoved from behind and just barely managing to protect his face from scraping the pavement. An unknown attacker from behind, the familiar sound of him breathing through his teeth.

He tastes blood on his tongue.

The cigarette butt falls from his lips as he turns away from the sight of the whale shaped trailer in front of his house, breaking out into a jog to the only other house he can think to go to, nestled right on the corner he just turned. His bedroom lights are on. His parents, as usual, aren’t home. He misses him with an ache deeper than anything else he’s felt in a long time.

He hopes Double D actually lets him in.

[the-kinfesssional]

So I’m not the type of guy to be against KFFs or doubles. It doesn’t really bother me at all.

Recently, i checked the account of somebody who reblogged my post with reaallly positive reaction to it. But it turns out they KFF me. And I dunno. It just sorta made me feel weird?

I feel bad for feeling that way, though I dunno. It’s flattering that they relate so much to me, but it just immediately kinda left a sour taste in my mouth.

It’s kinda how I feel when a roleplay blog of me reblogs my stuff. On one hand, I have no anger or vitriol towards them. In the other, it’s just kinda funky that there’s a person out there acting like me.

I dunno. Complicated feelings. I’m not gonna say that kinnies or RPers of me should DNI with my account, though. Hhhhhh

Hey, it's okay, you just can always ask them not to, just be nice, okay?

[gloryride]

OC INTERVIEW

tagged by @chevvy-yates ♥♥ thanks! I know who you want, so here baby driver <3

-- Name --

Enzo Angelo Sarto. No, don't call me Lorenzo, i don't like this name, and i don't care was my nonno name. My parents call me like that when i screw up. So it's Enzo, capisce ?

-- Nickname --

Lot of people call me Enzolino because some race commentators called me that when I won my first race at 16. I was the youngest racer for years. Because "-ino" in Italian means "little". And i still have this name, even i'm a tall ragazzo and i'm 24. And so many of my family calls me Lino, some close friends too. But i prefer people call me Enzo. Except Jay who calls me Babe, adn that's really cute in his pretty mouth.

-- Gender --

Cis Male

-- Star Sign --

Born in October 30, i'm a proud Scorpio !

-- Height--

1m89, or 6"2 if you want

-- Orientation --

Bisexual

-- Nationality/Ethnicity --

Italian. I don't care i never saw Italia in my life, but all my famiglia is italian so am i ! Yeah yeah, i know i was born in Arizona, but it's from Free States not NUSA, right ? I can't be American, so i'm Italian.

-- Fave Fruit --

I love prickly pears, because you find many in deserts around New Mexico, when they're not toxic. Mia mamma does pretty neat marmelades with. I like oranges too, when they're ripe and sweet

-- Fave Season --

Spring, when it starts to be a bit hot but not too much. And sometimes it rains, feels so good after a day in a desert !

-- Fave Flower --

Don't see many flowers in desert, except cactus flowers. I had a bouquet of lilies and peonies when I won my last Vegas Race - they smelt really good!

-- Fave Scent --

Maybe i have weird taste, but i love motor oil smell, as like hot asphalt, then refreshed by rain. In more classic, when lasagna just came out still hot, or just citrus smell.

-- Coffee, tea or hot chocolate --

Coffee, that's a basic.

-- Average hours of sleep --

Chaotic and my dark circles speak for me. I go to bed late but wake up early, sometimes i don't sleep, because i start working with my dad at 6am to avoid heat in desert. I take nap afternoon and when i can, but i rarely sleep a long night.

-- Dog or Cat person --

I love dogs, but if i can choose another animals i prefer geckos. You can see a lot in desert, they're adorable.

-- Dream trip --

I travel all the time so i dunno ... maybe going to Italy and see where my famiglia come from ? Or maybe just on the East Coast of NUSA, just to see how it is, and seeing if there are some races.

-- Favorite fictional character --

This guy in Bushido 6 : Street Score plays by Drew Garcia, always forget his name. He's a dick but so cool with his car. Saw the scene too many times ... And i saw many western movies with my brother Virgile, i really love the ones with Terrence Hill. So Nobody in My Name is Nobody and ... what's the name in English ? Vabbè. Lo chiamavano Trinità, where he plays Trinita, awesome too !

-- Number of blankets they sleep with --

Between none and one. If i sleep alone, one. If i'm with Jay, he spreads the blanket away so i have nothing ... except him.

-- Random fact --

It's something I never talk about because I don't have any information. But I have… I had… an older sister. My mother was married and he left to join the Wraiths with their baby. We know that he was killed a year later, but there's no trace of the baby. Mamma searched and never found her, and she still wonders where she is, if she's still alive. It seems that's why she only had me with Dad, the fear of losing me too would have been a kind of psychological block and she was never able to have other children.

[fatherentropy]

Because my tES roster has gotten large and complicated I thought I should make this and ramble a bit. And then tumblr ate my post so let's try to do this AGAIN but quicker because I started writing this at midnight and it's now 6 am SO!!

warning for child endangerment/death

Winter, Summer, Autumn and Spring are names given to girls kidnapped by this one man. There have been multiples of them but the last four are here. Winter was murdered before she could reclaim her name, Summer forgot hers and Spring...I just haven't named her. She's not that important outside Lily's story aah.

Lily is not coping well with anything going on in her life but is doing remarkably well for a girl who was orphaned at 11 and raised herself on the road. Largely because she's being personally supported by Sheogorath because she's his "Grand niece." Dedicated her life on Nirn to hunting Thalmor and Stormcloaks, blaming them for her parents' death.

Lulueith was raised by her mom in Valenwood but left to look for her dad after she passed from illness out of curiosity and nothing holding her where she grew up. She was disappointed because he's largely just a drunk content to drinking himself to death in peace. Just here to vibe now.

Part of Lulu's dad's angst is from Summer trying to kill him before abandoning him altogether. She was a very bad mom but she tried because she tries a lot of things seeing if it'll make her feel anything significant since growing up in constant fear has kind of fucked her brain up. She meant to destroy Tuveri's life specifically but her plan was foiled by Martin's kindness giving Tuveri the power to push her away. Fled Cyrodiil after Martin died because part of that seperation was Tuveri warning her that the next time he saw her he was going to kill her.

(I also drew Summer's line too dark but I think I'll keep this. I like it more than what I've been rolling with.)

Tuveri!! Is an Ashlander actually. His dad got sick and died and Tuveri was in the middle of making him a cairn when he got too close to the road and was pinched by the man and brought to Cyrodiil. Would have returned to Morrowind after escaping with the other two surviving girls but he kept dreaming of Cyrodiil and took that as a sign he had to stay. Thus him becoming HoK and then Sheogorath after that.

I have a lot of thoughts about Tuveri as Sheogorath but that's another rambly essay. To put it simply he's kind and caring to those who are "his" and malicious to those who aren't because that's typically the role they cast him and his in. Thus him targeting Ulfric and his scheme resulting in his son named both Martin (by Tuveri) and Yngve (by Ulfric).

Have a lot on Yngve's emotional state but not a lot of anything else just 'cause Todd willing I might plop him in the next game whenever tf that happens. (Y'know providing we don't go back the timeline/they don't add a super specific opening ala Fallout 4.)

detour to talk about Laury

He's named after the witch his parents managed to take down before they were murdered by the other three while trying to protect him. He was then raised by them to be Hermaeus' champion. Though large parts of that time is lost because his memory is swiss cheese between the alchemical shit he was forced to imbibe (Fun fact! Laury has taste only in one small part of his mouth) and depression.

There's math somewhere in the blank space of me trying to figure out Winter/Autumn's ages during Morrowind because I realized I could go the full nine yards and pull Laury into this weird mix above by doing this:

Nerevarine as dad or grandad? I dunno yet but next time I try and play that game... yeehaw. That man is gonna have a bad time.

Also think it's very tragic of Winter's mom to look to Hermaeus for answers and become one of his biggest shill holes when he sponsored her daughter's kidnapper.

(technically still thinking about whether I should but I'll probably do it. You've heard rule of cool, have you heard of rule of sad?)

I have other ESO alts besides Yorick and Illya but I tend to delete them on a whim so! Hypothetically, Yorick is actually like 50ish% human so a(n indirect) descendant of his could be the man but that's a lot of centuries between. Do you know how many bretons you could fit in there? At what point does it stop mattering.

Illya is just a dragon priest that saw the writing on the wall and fucked off. Kept the mask and became a vampire because can you imagine dying? Couldn't be him. He is my Miraak expy and I love him even if I do nothing with him ever.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

in light of the genital-repulsed anon earlier, i feel like it is important to remember that in most places this ask will be seen, there is zero legal obligation to interact with a partners genitals, regardless of whether you are asexual or not ! plus also given the asker specified their desire for a trans partner i gotta say ive met a bunch of them and there are tons that have zero interest in their own genitals if they happen to be in a configuration with which you arent amenable

this is all quite separate from the very dangerous notion of 'ideal partner' for a person (ace or not!) being primarily defined by physical and sexual attributes rather than, you know, caring about wants and boundaries and commited to mutual support and growth (which again very much includes the basic respect of, for example, wearing pants around you if you dont want to look at their genitals!)

i dunno i dunno it just left a bad taste in my mouth i dunno; it just feels like there are a lot of weird assumptions that arent being communicated

Thanks for this addition, Anon. This is definitely another point worth mentioning (and one I forgot to consider).

Also very true about making sure to focus on things like mutual respect, support, etc. when looking for a partner. In the original ask, I was trying to say to make sure you're seeing the person and not just searching for an identity, but possibly didn't phrase that as well as I could have. But you phrase it very well here.

All the best, Anon!