#but thick eyebrows is a common theme.

[thr4shit]

Okay, guys... I know he has biblically T H I C C eyebrows...

but Jesus fuck-

[daechwitatamic]

Vice;Grip || chapter 1 || chs

(banner by @itaeewon)

Vice;Grip (masterpost) NSFW - minors DNI Genre: angst smut fluff, fuckbuddies!au Summary: Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose.  A/N: infinite thank you's to @sailoryooons and @eoieopda for beta-ing!! //

Warnings: Frequent depictions of depression, depressive episodes, panic attacks, and substance abuse (alcohol, weed, and pills referenced). PLEASE know that these characters’ relationships with drugs and alcohol are not healthy and should not be emulated. If these topics are triggering to you, please consider sitting this one out. Section Specific Warnings: casual drinking, piv sex, , nip stim, reader on top, drunkenness to the point of blacking out, vomiting due to overdrinking (mentioned very briefly), dirty talk, implied drug use / vernon is high, heavy themes in regards to mental health - allusions to unspecified mental illnesses in the realm of depressive and anxiety disorders

wc: 5800

Playlist: you can call me in the middle of the night / you can leave before i wake up in the morning / and it could feel so wrong / but i'll still hold on

Now

You’ve been used to seeing his face only in puzzle pieces, triangular fragments of glass beside a fallen picture frame. Mostly in flashes of light that are gone too quickly to process the whole picture - as the car he drives passes under a streetlight, as the flashing lights from a dj booth sweep over you before moving on, as the moon crosses over the gap on your window’s blinds that your cat broke two years ago and you never replaced.

Despite this, you know everything about it: how he keeps it carefully flat, but when it breaks it’s always to jump to extremes. How he laughs so hard his features distort and shatter, how his eyebrows nearly meet when he’s breaking and pressing fingers to his eyes, how his eyes squeeze shut when he mouths your name against your neck and presses his fingertips tighter against your skin before letting go. You have it all memorized. You know it by heart, even in the dark. 

That was how you met - in the dark. You were dragged to a bar by your best friend Chan, determined to drink until you weren’t annoyed by the existence of everyone around you, until the music and lights seem to flow over and around you, like you’re experiencing them through a thick pane of glass. 

He’d been invited, too. He and Chan had friends in common. You’d noticed him early in the night, sometime before things got foggy. Of course you did - even in the dim lighting you could see how good-looking he was, all sharp points and edges. You made note of how he stayed quiet, a tiny smile on an otherwise unchanging face, but his eyes had darted around, following the conversation sharply. 

Sharp is your favorite word for him. It fits everything about him, top to toe, inside and out. 

Sharp, sharp, sharp. 

He looked how you feel inside, even now. 

You’d gone back to his place, that night. You still remember him leaning back against the wall of the bar, arms crossed against his chest, mostly in shadow until a pink light passed over you both before leaving you in shadow again. As your eyes adjusted again, pieced his face back together in the dark, one of those eyebrows had lifted in question. 

You were surprised at how clean his place was; he was surprised by how cluttered yours was, the next time you’d come together, maybe a week later. 

This was almost two years ago; you’d both gotten used to each other since then.

It wasn’t a surprise, each time, when he gasped and then whined when he came, when his grip tightened like he had to make sure you stay put until his heartbeat starts to slow again. Not a surprise when he’d pull his ripped jeans back on less than ten minutes later. Not a surprise when he’d reach out to wiggle your foot through the blankets to make sure you were awake to hear him mutter, “See you,” on his way out. Nothing surprising about how you’d go four days without talking and then send him a wyd?, nor about how he’d come to pick you up, his car idling outside your building within the half hour. 

You’d been doing things this way for ages. It was practically a routine. This was just what you two did, in the dark. 

You weren’t sure what he did during the day. You and him, you only existed when the sun went down. 

You didn’t know what he looked like in the golden hour, or at a restaurant table, or hurrying through a rainy afternoon. You didn’t mind; he belonged to you like this - only in the dark, only in pieces, only in too-quick flashes of light.

It was enough.

Or, you’d pretended it was, for as long as you could. 

1 yr 11 months ago

The first few times were simple. You both knew what you were there for. You’d text, he’d come get you. You’d watch his hand on the gear shift as he drove you back to his place. You’d undress each other across his living room, a breadcrumb trail to follow back out when it was over. He’d order you a ride when it was done, you’d get home and shower, sinking into your own bed just as the light started to shift outside, warning everyone that dawn was imminent once again.

Or, conversely, he’d text instead of you. Or he’d drive to your place and stay, pressing you against your entryway wall before even closing the door behind him, threatening all your neighbors with a show. He’d slip out, after, leaving the smell of his cologne on your skin, on your sheets, even - somehow - in your kitchen, where you’d gone for water while he got dressed. 

You both knew why you were there. You both knew what you needed out of it: just sex, just fun. You couldn’t even call it friends with benefits because you weren’t friends from dawn to dusk.

The just of it failed to last.

You know precisely the first time it was different, the first time you needed him. You needed the same things as always - his mouth hot on your skin, his hands alternating between sparks of pain and soothing caresses, the stretch of him emptying your mind and pushing every bad feeling out like there wasn’t room for them anymore. But for the first time, you didn’t want those things for enjoyment.

You wanted them as a salve.

Make it not hurt, you could have asked him. Or, at least, make it hurt in a way I choose. 

You did ask him, in your own way. With your tongue, with your hands, with your hips. You didn’t know if he could tell that something was different, that you were using him to hide, that your urgency was because you wanted to feel something else. As you moved together under the fairy lights above your bed, the motions were the same as always. 

It was after, that was different. Before he got dressed, he’d rolled to face you across the few inches of dark. His statue-like face wasn’t blank, now. Instead, his brows knit just slightly, his lips frowning on the hint of a pout.

“You okay?” he’d asked.

You’d looked back at him, goosebumps rising up and down your arms as your skin cooled. Should you lie? That was the best way to keep him at arm’s length, the best way to make sure this didn’t get too deep, the best way to ensure you didn’t scare him away.

But something made you tell the truth.

“A little better, now,” you admitted, quiet, your voice creeping through the dark like it was avoiding landmines as it tiptoed over your mattress. 

He’d nodded, slipping back into the silence he wore best. Then he’d stayed just a few minutes, breathing quietly beside you, before getting up and sliding back into the routine. A few extra minutes of not being alone, like he knew you needed it even if you couldn’t ask for it. 

In the silence he left behind, the truth had ballooned into the empty room: something had shifted. Now, on the nights when you hurt, when you weren’t sure you wanted to keep clawing your way through, you had another vice to pick from for distraction. More or less destructive than your other, older vices? You weren’t sure.

Almost two years later, you’re still not sure. 

1 yr 10 months ago

The levels of separation were just enough that you didn’t cross paths at a lot of social events. But it was always a little thrilling when the circles did converge, when he appeared at the edge of the group, when the game became act normal in front of everybody. 

You like games.

Vernon does, too.

The first time he showed up unexpectedly at the bar, your stomach swooped, and you hid a sneaky smile by tipping back your glass, draining the rest in one go and announcing that you needed a refill. 

A game, knowing he’d watch you walk away. A game, knowing he’d have to look away again quickly, before anyone caught on. A game, pretending when you return to the group that you don’t remember his name. A game, knowing that at the end of the night, he’d come home with you and make sure you didn’t remember anything but. 

You had too much to drink, too caught up in the fun, in the promise of later, in the thrill of feeling like you were harboring a secret like a precious plant, cupped in loose soil between your muddy fingers. 

The alcohol made you lose track of your friends, of the time, of directional stability. You stumbled to the hallway you thought held the bathroom, one sweaty palm slapped against the wall to help you get there. 

You’d only been sleeping with him for two months, but his hands on your waist were familiar. So was his mouth, near your ear, asking a familiar question - “You okay?”

“Should probably go home,” you muttered, still present enough to know you were a mess. That others could see your mess. 

“Can you get yourself out front?” he asked, and there was something gentle in it. It made your stomach turn; or maybe that was the vodka. It made you want to run, to put distance between you, to remind him that you weren’t his to take care of. It made you want to hiss and spit to remind him that you’re an outdoor cat.

“Why?” you asked, turning in place to face him, something hard riding up in your chest. 

He shrugged one shoulder, like it didn’t matter to him if you listened or not. “If you go out now, I’ll order a ride. Then I’ll head out in a few, when the car is here. It’ll look like you left already when I go.”

You narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re being awfully strategic.”

He lifted that eyebrow again. “You want Chan to know we’re fucking?”

The word sizzled through you like an electric shock. But you took a breath and considered the question. “No,” you answered, once you muddled through your soupy brain enough to find the word. “No, I don’t.”

“Okay,” he said, as if that settled that. “I’ll order the ride. Your place okay?”

“Mhm,” you said, distracted, suddenly aware of your lack of equilibrium, nausea making its presence known. You might not have told him goodbye before pushing your way back into the crowded dance floor, weaving around people and squeezing through impossibly tight spaces until you find Chan again.

“My uber’s out front,” you said in greeting. 

“What?” he cried, looking betrayed. “It’s not even one-thirty!”

“If I stay,” you told him seriously, “I will hurl. Talk tomorrow?”

He pouted a little but nodded, waving goodbye as you turned and struggled towards the front door. 

Stepping from the loud, crowded bar into the quiet street was almost dizzying in itself; you struggled to adjust as you took a few steps away from the door. The lit-up signs from the nearby businesses swam around the edge of your vision, and you swallowed down a fresh wave of nausea. 

It seemed like only seconds later, though it must have been at least five minutes, when the car pulled up and Vernon appeared from out of nowhere to usher you into the backseat. 

You don’t remember the ride home. You don’t remember Vernon supporting you by your elbows to keep you from toppling sideways (or backwards) down the stairs. You don’t remember dropping your keys so many times that he’d taken them from you, let you both into the apartment. You don’t remember him helping you remove your heels, or placing a glass of water by your bed. 

You do remember waking up somewhere in the bright hours of early morning, still in your tight dress, head pounding and stomach rolling. 

Your apartment was empty; you hadn’t expected him to stay, but you’d checked the couch anyway, just to be sure. You drank the whole glass of water, sat on the floor of the shower and let the hot water punish you for your bad decisions, and then crawled back to bed. You texted Vernon - the first time either of you had texted while the sun was up - and apologized, thanked him for getting you home. 

You expected an answer as reserved as he normally plays things. You were surprised when, instead, he sent you back, “i think i’d be good at rodeo”, followed quickly by, “rodeoing???”

Frowning, you sent back a line of question marks.

His answer made you laugh through a groan, pressing your face into your pillows in embarrassment - “corralling you was NOT easy… but i did it 🤠”.

Face flushed with embarrassment, you sent another apology. 

You sank into quiet after that, unsure if you’d messed things up, made it too real, became a thing of responsibility instead of a thing of attraction. But he’d texted you the next weekend, those three little letters sending relief through your system: wyd? 

“Not drinking,” you said, and he wasted no time in sending back, “want to not drink at mine?”

1 yr 9 months ago

come over?

you come here?? ill order ur ride

ok 👍

“You seem weird.”

Vernon kept his expression even, though hearing the words made him want to grimace at being called out so immediately. He’d been spiraling for at least an hour; had at one point gotten so worked up that he’d slammed his laptop on the desk, causing it to show a shuddering blue screen before restarting on him.

If it hadn’t stumbled back to life, he honestly thought he would cry over it.

He might anyway. Fucking shit.

“I’m a weird guy,” he deadpanned instead.

“Weirder than normal,” you volleyed. “Everything okay?”

Vernon sent a dark look over his shoulder, where the textbook he’d been burying himself in still sat open on the page he’d been on when your text had rolled through.

But you weren’t here to help him study. You weren’t here to listen to him complain that he’d failed his last test, that his scholarship rode on this next one. You weren’t here to help him make flashcards, or even to rub his shoulders while he hunched over the textbook.

You were here so he could forget, for just a little while, that he was stressed in the first place. You were here to help him feel something besides the knots in his stomach, so he could hear a voice echoing in his head that wasn’t his own calling him stupid, stupid, stupid. You were here to melt the edges of his anxiety, the way he could have with a shot or a pill, if he were in a different mood.

He replaced the textbook on the flat surface of his desk with your bare ass, leaning over you to brace an arm next to his sleeping laptop. He let your soft cries take up space in his mind, crowding out his internal admonitions, his mind’s noisy cycling through the list of things he should be doing instead. His stomach muscles clenched because your fingertips trailed over them, not because he was imagining having to tell his parents he’d lost his scholarship. He groaned, long and guttural, because you felt like heaven clenching around him, hot and silky and perfect, not because he’d read the same paragraph three times and retained none of it. His fingers found the back of your neck and gripped you hard, holding you in place as his hips snapped into yours, instead of gripping the pen that refused to write answers that made any sense.

It worked; it helped. It was the first time in days that Vernon felt okay. He wished he could last forever - just so that he didn’t have to go back to reality, to life outside of this.

“Car’s on its way,” he told you, after you were cleaned up and dressed again.

You looked up at him from where you were perched on his desk, the same spot where he’d been drilling you only ten minutes ago.

“Thanks,” you said, then looked down at the textbook in your hand. You’d picked it up absently, but now you turned it over, reading the cover.

“This looks hard,” you observed. “Is this why you’re all…” You trailed off and made a face to indicate that Vernon was the human equivalent of a keysmash. You even mimed the keysmashing, in the air in front of you, with both hands.

The smile he gave you was probably sheepish. “Yeah. Test tomorrow. Flunked the last one.”

And he wasn’t sure why he was telling you, but you nodded slowly, eyes still on the cover of the book.

“Sucks,” you said sympathetically, and that was that. You didn’t make it a thing. You gave him a quick smile as you closed his door, and then you were gone.

Vernon took a shower, dissociated in the warm water until it ran cold. Then he heated up some instant noodles, and set everything back up on his desk to try again.

Maybe he should make fucking flashcards.

He was still at it around two in the morning, literally holding his eyelids up to stay awake, when his phone rattled on his keyboard.

good luck tmrw. hwaiting.

1 yr 8 months ago

“Go talk to him!”

“Chan, from the bottom of my heart, fuck off.”

Your best friend pouted at you over the top of his beer. “You haven’t dated in forever.”

You hadn’t needed to. You didn’t want domesticity, nor partnership. And the parts that were left, Vernon had been handling just fine.

But Chan didn’t know that.

“I don’t want to,” you snapped. “I don’t want to talk to that guy, and I don’t want to date someone. I want to drink with my idiot friend Chan. Is that a problem?”

His pout deepened. “No,” he sulked. “But I’m worried about you, noona.”

“Well, don’t be,” you said, softening. “I’m fine. I’m just not after… all that.”

Still looking a little bit like a kicked dog, Chan glanced down at his beer and then back up at you, timid. “Have you been… working on anything lately?”

You wanted to crawl out of your skin. You wanted to evaporate, slip towards the ceiling in tiny droplets of not-matter, vanish as you got too close to the sun.

“Nope,” you said, forcing a breezy tone.

His eyes on you were too knowing. Your clothes all itched, suddenly. “Nothing, since -?”

“Chan,” you said, not even trying to hide the desperation on your face, in your voice, in the way your hands reach out for his. “Please, can we not do the intervention thing right now? I really, really cannot.”

He went quiet. “Fine,” he said finally, and the timid-younger-brother thing was gone, replaced with something almost angry. Frustrated, at least. “Fine. You need a refill?” He downed the last of his beer and reached for your glass.

“No,” you said, pulling it further from his reach. “I need shots. Let’s go.”

The burn in your throat helped you move on, move away from the uncomfortable moment. You relished the slight sting, closed your eyes as you felt the heat make its way to your stomach. Kept them closed, felt everything tight inside you loosen by degrees, until you could breathe again.

You danced, you drank more. You did tequila shots, licking salt off the back of some girl’s hand, both of you giggling even though you never saw her before in your life and probably wouldn’t again once the shots were done.

At some point, you stilled, realizing you hadn’t seen Chan in a while. You rested your elbows against the bar for balance and pulled out your phone.

where are you? you sent.

His answer confused you. told you goodbye almost two hours ago, you fucking mess.

Then, another, do I need to come back and get you?

Shame engulfed you. You were a mess, always a mess. A fuck-up, a drop-out, a waste of potential. The idea of him having to come take care of you, come back to get you and babysit you, made you want to crawl under the sticky floorboards.

no, you sent back. i’m leaving now.

But the shame hovered over your shoulder. Its breath coated your neck in humid huffs, its claws pressed into the flesh of your arms hard enough to leave little crescents, its tail curled around your leg to hold you in place.

You ordered another shot.

The room was dark, and smelled stale, like a window hadn’t been opened in months.

The room was not the bar.

Your body flooded with adrenaline so fast that you had to close your eyes and force an inhale.

You didn’t remember leaving the bar. You didn’t know where you were. You didn’t know how you got here.

The shame was back, tail heavy over your abdomen, but the spikes of fear were worse. You felt around the darkness until you could find your phone. You used its light to look around - you seemed to be alone on someone’s couch. Hand shaking, it took you three tries to open your maps app. You couldn’t get the screen to focus, couldn’t read to see what neighborhood you were in.

The screen swam before you and you clicked it off, closing your eyes and trying to breathe, trying not to cry.

Who could you call?

Not Chan, the shame whispered to you, lifting its head from slumber and opening its beady eyes, yellow across the dark room.

You didn’t have many other choices. You'd found that a symptom of isolation is that fewer people stick around, waiting for you to come out of it, to be normal again. You'd known this, logically, for years. You still couldn't help it when the urge to hunker down and speak to no one but Chan and your mom took over; you couldn't help when your stupid, broken brain told you that you were bothering everyone but to believe it. Don’t call Chan. You closed one eye and turned your screen on again, determined to make it make sense.

It was almost three in the morning.

You knew one person who might still be up.

Vernon’s hello sounded awake, and that’s what made you crack, tears starting to slide down your cheeks without permission.

“I don’t know where I am,” you admitted. The shame gave a hearty huff and lowered its head again. “I can’t - I can’t get a car because - I can’t see the - the buttons aren’t working -”

“Put me on speaker,” he said calmly, and you clung to his voice like the rung of a pool ladder. You didn’t need to climb up, you just needed to hold on.

“Okay,” you said, when you’d managed it.

“Go to your messages,” he said next, and walked you through each step until you’d managed to drop him your location.

“Thank you,” you’d said, tears dry. Everything dry. Even the shame seemed a bit opaque, the numbness strong enough to push away even this least desirable companion as it came creeping in. “Thank you, I’m sorry, I -”

“Stay on the phone with me,” he instructed.

“Vernon, no,” you protested. “You should go to sleep.”

“Wasn’t sleeping anyway,” he said flatly, and there was no room to argue.

You stayed on the line in silence as you hunted around for your shoes, or a coat. You found neither, though somehow your purse was still strapped to you. You did manage to find a front door. You exited the house, closing the door quietly behind you. You still didn’t know whose fucking house it was.

You threw up next to the mailbox. You collapsed into the grass, wet with morning dew under your back. You shivered, coatless and barefoot. Your phone was somewhere in the yard behind you, the call still connected.

Above you, the shame swam between the stars, twisting and undulating amongst the constellations until it made you so dizzy that you rolled over to throw up again.

When you saw headlights, you pushed yourself to sit, trying to breathe. The driver wouldn’t let you in the car if they thought you might be a puke risk. You looked around the ground near where you were sitting, trying to find your phone, realizing belatedly that you were still on the call with Vernon.

“Sorry,” you said, bringing it to your ear again. “I dropped my phone in the yard. The car's here.”

“I know,” he said simply, which didn't make sense, but you were too gone to figure it out.

“I'm gonna hang up now,” you said quietly. “Thank you for helping me.”

He made a noncommittal noise and you ended the call as the car coasted to a stop. You started to rise, to make your way unsteadily to the back door. Instead, the driver’s door opened.

“Vernon,” you complained, horrified that he'd come out at three in the morning to get you. He was supposed to be home, in bed, while a stranger drove you home - a stranger who you paid in money, owed no emotional labor for this effort. A stranger who could see you like this - a wreck, makeup smudged, confused, lost in multiple ways - and never see you again.

Vernon looked you over, then shook his head. He walked around his car and opened the passenger door, looking at you silently, waiting.

Finally, you stalked over.

“Why are you out here with no shoes on?” he asked, voice lower than normal.

“Lost them,” you muttered, dropping into the passenger seat. Your stomach swam again, but it seemed to be empty enough now that all you got was the suffering.

He drove you in silence for a little. Then, at a red light, looked over at you, that expression as blank as ever.

You were starting to learn his tells, though. His fingers tapped on the gear between you.

You’d made him anxious.

“What happened?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Blacked out,” you said, looking at your knees. “Didn’t mean to. I think some girls invited me along to their place? And then I must have passed out.” The tequila shot girl’s face swam in your mind - this seemed correct.

“Girls?”

You looked at him, surprised. Pieces clicked together.

“You think I called you to get me from a hook-up’s house?” you asked, defensive. “I’m a disaster, but I’m not a bitch.”

He cleared his throat. “I didn’t say that.”

You were both quiet a little longer.

“I’m not… I don’t…” You weren’t sure how to say it. “I know you didn’t ask me not to - and I’m not asking anything from you - but - I don’t…”

“Okay,” he said, stopping your ramble. You looked at him, relieved, so glad he understood. That you didn’t have to say it. “Cool.”

Cool.

If you could without throwing up again, you’d shake your head. He was just so… Vernon.

You were hungover for two days; you even called out of work for one of them. When the headache finally subsided, you told the cat you were never drinking again.

The cat jumped off the bed and trotted away; it might as well have called you a liar.

When the weekend rolled around, you didn’t text Vernon. The shame lay its heavy, clawed foot on top of your phone, leveled you with an even look that said don’t even think about it.

How could you face him again, anyway? Why would he want to see you, after he’d seen the truth so clearly - that you were messy, a mistake, more trouble than any situationship was worth?

Friday night came and went in silence. You were right - he wanted out. You didn’t blame him at all.

Then, Saturday night, a text came through.

you coherent? 😏

You laughed, rolled your eyes, sent back, unfortunately. can we change that?

want to try a different poison tonight?

is that supposed to be flirty?

if you need me to do the hard sell, my offer won’t end you up at a strangers house at 3am

that’s a solid argument

i’ll come get you. need some time?

yeah, gimme 30 min?

cool.

You snorted again. Cool. He was such a dork.

“Thanks for getting me,” you said, when you slid into his passenger seat.

“Can’t let you entertain yourself,” he said, ticking his head to the side like he’d learned his lesson. “You end up without shoes.”

The callback to last weekend made your face heat, and you expected him to lecture you - to tell you to be more careful, that you shouldn’t put yourself in situations like that, that your liver will quit someday.

He didn’t - didn’t bring up anything that happened until -

“Only need me, huh?” he asked, later, pressing so deep into you that you squirm away, delighted when he pulls you back roughly, puts you right back where you’d both rather you be. “No one else does it this good, right?”

“Shut up,” you huffed, half-laughing. “God.” Then he shifted his angle and you repeated yourself, a broken record, god god god, for a whole new reason.

1 yr 7 months ago

Everything was slow and heavy. Vernon’s eyelids lowered and then slid open again, slow… slow. Air army-crawled on elbows and knees into his lungs, slipped out too easily. His blood in his veins trudged; his heartbeat couldn’t whip it into going faster. The ceiling fan above him circled, chasing its tail in an endless loop.

come over.

It must have taken him two hours to type the text. Two hours for it to fly through space - is that how texts send? through space? - to your phone. Two hours for you to get there, to let yourself into his unlocked apartment.

“Took you forever,” he muttered, still watching the ceiling fan.

He was a little out of it, a little bit on another plane. Your hands were cool against his cheeks, thumbs cool as they traced his jawline. For a minute, they felt like the only thing tethering him to earth, keeping him in this room, in this apartment.

“You in there?” Your voice came from far away.

“Yeah.”

He opened his eyes again, and found you hovering above him, light streaming from behind you.

You didn’t mention his red eyes, didn’t tease him for the way his words came out one phoneme at a time. You just pulled your shirt over your head - he may have groaned when the fabric passed your tits, fuck you for showing up without a bra on - and then reached for his hem. Then you lay tight up against him, one hand absently stroking over his chest.

You let him make every first move, let him decide when he’s in his own body again. He kissed you slow, licked into your mouth like it was viscous, marveled in how your skin felt when his hands skated over your back.

It must have been two hours that he kissed you, only that, before finally tugging you to straddle him.

He’d been fucked up when he texted you, but he was feeling clearer now. Clear enough to peel your leggings over your ass, to lift his hips when you tugged on his sweatpants. Clear enough to let out a breath that shuddered embarrassingly when you positioned him at your entrance and sank to the hilt, stilling and tilting to look him in the eyes.

Sometimes Vernon thinks about Giles Corey. He shouldn’t even know about this random piece of American history; he definitely didn’t learn it in school. But sometimes Vernon would procrastinate real work by going to random Wiki articles, and sometimes what he read would stick. 

He remembered this one. During the early Salem witch trials, Giles Corey was tried as a witch, but not hung. Instead, he’d been pressed to death - the stones added one by one to the board over his chest. He was supposed to confess. 

He’d died that way, had been literally crushed to death, one stone at a time.

His last words had been more weight.

That’s how Vernon felt, most days. One stone at a time, pressing on his ribcage. It was never enough to crush him, just enough to make him feel like he couldn’t take a breath, enough to make him feel like his bones might crack and cave and it’s scary - but they never did. Or, they hadn’t yet.

Every day, Vernon woke up, spit at the feet of whatever church was awaiting his confession, and demanded, more weight.

But the stones had felt heavier, today. Some days were like that. Some days felt like hardly any at all. He tried to remember that - the lighter days would come.

He didn’t feel them at all, now. The only weight on his chest was your hands as you leaned your body forward for leverage, riding him at the pace he set with his hands on your hips, guiding you up and back - slow, slow.

“Fuck,” you groaned, eyes squeezing shut and then opening again, blinking quickly. “It’s too - god, I can feel everything - I don’t know if I can - it’s too -”

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmured, reaching up to pull you closer, to bring you chest to chest.

“I need you to move,” you whimpered, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Please, I need you to go faster.”

Vernon swore fiercely as his body obeyed without his permission, feet flattening against his mattress and arms crossing over your back to hold you in place against him. You both gasped, equally shocked at the sudden change.

“More,” you begged. “Please, Vernon.”

More weight, he thought, and then he wasn’t thinking anything because you were wailing, fingers twisting in the sheets next to his shoulders, pulsing around him in dizzying, soul-sucking waves.

Sometimes Vernon thinks being alone will be the stone that kills him.

He almost asked you to stay, after, just to keep it at bay. Almost.

He thought that you might be his new favorite vice.

1 yr, 6 months ago

wyd tonight?

uhhh awkward. i’m. on a date?

why awkward? you’re allowed.

thanks for the permission.

i’m generous, what can i say

dont worry though its nothing. we got set up. its… not going great lol

i understand. hes got tough competition.

Please. 🙄

have fun

im not going home with him. i promise.

prove it.

how?

come here after.

ykw?? i think i will. Next ->

my first svt fic ever!!! thank you so much for being here! i hope you continue to enjoy!

[starillusion13]

PRECIOUS

Pairing: Prince!Seonghwa x f!reader x Prince!Hongjoong

Genre: Royal, Fantasy, Angst, Yandere

Warnings: crying, controlling nature, possessiveness, suggestive themes, using a sleeping potion needle.

W.C: 3.5k

Note: Thanks to the people loving my works and supporting them. I love to read your reviews in my dms so feel free to dm me. Thanks for joining the event.

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

Request from: @warpedspirit

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @yeoobin @tainsan ( I didn’t know which account to tag 🥹)

👑

*under the cut*

The kingdom Halazia was ruled by the king, Zeeth. His first wife who died at a young age has a son named Park Seonghwa and the second wife has a son named Kim Hongjoong. The Title for the sons were after their mother because they didn’t want their fathers title to be given to them as they passionately hated that man.

Two months ago, the king suddenly died of a mysterious fever. Not even the best medic in the kingdom found the cause for the untimely end so this leaves only the younger queen to take over the family proceedings. The situation was very difficult for her to handle and let alone the princes who are not even bothered by their father death.

The elder Prince, Park Seonghwa who has a great physique with light toned skin and always keeping a sword attached to the waist band, the handle is designed with blue and silver crystals which highlights the shining silvery blade more. The prince attires always look the best on him and make it seems like the position pf prince is designated for him. He has the piercing eyes like an eagle as if he can read your soul with a single glance at you which can make you feel exposed even though you are fully covered with materials. His sharpness of eyes is slightly hidden with the black strokes of the bangs falling over his eyes similarly the way the sharpness of the blade is separating through the handle from his hand. Even though having such a strong aura with the sharp facial features his personality is a bit contrasting in usual. He has a sweet voice which can easily lure you into his well-planned trap and his calm and peaceful nature can convince you to speak all your hidden truths to him. Well, that’s the trap where he will attract you with his caring nature and gets to know everything about you which may not be always good.

The younger Prince, Kim Hongjoong whose name can alone scream the dominance over every possible thing. He is born to be a king. He is slightly shorter than the eldest prince but his pointy noise and thick eyebrows and the evil glint in his eyes with the dirty smirk as if he whatever he does or say is the last option for everyone makes everyone else surrounding him feel smaller to him. Don’t ever dare to say him short if you don’t want to die early. He is totally ruthless unlike his brother’s calm personality. But both of them having same interests on something or hating the same thing similarly which make them most powerful. Hongjoong has a folding knife whose heavy metal portion is designed with black crystals totally matching with his dark personality. His only emotions are for his mother and his brother. He does not have to make you believe him because no matter what he will do it with force whenever its possible.

 Likely, the commoners are well aware of their hatred towards the king because they don’t like the rules of the kingdom set by the king. They both can be the most powerful duo among all the neighbouring kingdoms if they get pissed off with something. Most commonly known as The Django Brothers because of this consistent and ruthless personality when together. The king’s death announces Seonghwa as the next ruler of Halazia but his love for his brother made him to come up with a final decision for the kingdom’s future attention.

“I will not be ruling this kingdom alone, I want my brother to be the part of this as well.” Seonghwa sitting elegantly on the throne in a dark blue prince attire looking flawless on the antic throne of the king seems like a perfect protector of Halazia. He is looking around the court hall to scan the faces for any disapproval. Hongjoong standing behind him in a black furry fit which more seems like the enemy or the destroyer of the kingdom and also with the visible smirk on his. He is observing everyone present there while playing with his pocket knife making everyone startled with every opening striking sound.

The head of the general gulped when taking in the look of the younger prince and spoke up, “We all agree with your plans Prince Seonghwa even we are measuring the land to divide the north sector and the south sector equally. The commoners are also happy for the decision on finding two future kings which can lead to betterment of the kingdom as you both can give proper attention to the respective parts rather focusing on vast areas alone.”

“Equal sectors? Do you think we will get jealous of each other huh?” The younger prince spoke and the head of the general is trying to avoid being under his heavy gaze. 

“It is King Seonghwa and King Hongjoong for you all and I want this news to be announced all over the kingdom within evening.” Everyone nodded their head in return not wanting to displease any of the kings.

“Also tell everyone that my little sons are big enough to get married and am searching for beautiful and talented girls who can take care of my sons and teach them right way to behave maybe then these two can become a real human.” The youngest queen chuckled when coming to the middle of the hall.

Everyone feels relaxed with the joke and her playful presence and they all bowed to the queen and smiled towards her.

The two princes groaned on hearing the statement, “Mother, you know the kingdom is enough for having two rulers so there is no need of a woman. We can take care of everything alone.” Hongjoong interjects.

“But you can’t take care of your feelings for love, the loneliness will break you down my son.” She looks at both of them sympathetically.

“We can and we will show you how.” Seonghwa spoke up but with a respectful gesture towards the queen.

The ministers and generals started to leave the hall one by one when the queen made a quick gesture to the business minister to spread her wanting news for marriage.

“Father?….” A sweet honey like voice chirped in from a corner. All the attention turns towards that direction. The two princes are having the confuse look where the queen is grinning towards the new comer. The head general was last to leave when on hearing the voice halted in his step.

“Oh! Look I forgot to tell you who I brought here, General she was waiting at the gate for you and I heard that you don’t talk to your daughter.” The general glared to the girl standing behind the queen but instantly changed his expression to face the royals.

“Your honour, Queen Aeris I would like to apologize in behalf of her but I would like to take my leave here.” General plainly stated.

“This is your daughter?” The youngest prince scanning the girl as if like an animal getting ready to jump on his prey that instance. The girl hesitated in her place under his gaze.

“Y/N?” Seonghwa softly called the girl. The girl and queen both looked at him with big round eyes.

“Ah, finally my son recognized her. So, you should know now why she is here.” The queen clapped her hands happily and went away when a maid whispered something in her ears.

Seonghwa still looking at her when she is just looking around for what to say to him. Hongjoong suddenly spoke up, “Y/N? you mean our Y/N, our precious? My precious?”

Seonghwa nodded in reply which made his brother to show his dirty smirk again. Hongjoong turned towards the general, “So you kept her hidden from us all these days? Why?”

“Joong and Hwa, he is not to blame here. I kept myself away from this place because I need to take care of myself because father- “

“Don’t call me father, You witch, good for nothing. I don’t want your presence in front of my eyes.”

“That’s so ridiculous. Raising your voice in front of us and also on her?” Hongjoong asked the general with a dangerous expressionless look. The general apologized again and the elder prince signalled him to leave the place without wanting to hear anything further from him.

“You both remembered me still?” You are a bit happy and tensed at the same time with their presence.

“How can we forget the one who made our childhood the most bearable and memorable one. The one who respected and also befriended us before knowing us being royals. You are so different Y/N.” Seonghwa smiled for the first time in the whole day. Hongjoong took a quick glance at his brother and added, “You are the precious gem to us. See we decorated our sword and knife according to the colors you stated suite us.” He holds his knife towards you and Seonghwa also retreat his sword from the waist band to show it to you.

“That’s so nice that you still care for our friendship but we should not treat each other like before now because things are different since then. We have grown up and …….I’m engaged to Haechan.”

The two prince ears perked up on hearing the name of a male coming out of your mouth and also the fact that you are engaged. Seonghwa’s smile disappeared for a second but he quickly regained it while facing you but Hongjoong is totally losing his composure.

“Who? Haechan? Who is this person? When did this all happened?” Seonghwa quickly stated acting all normal but is few inches away to just rip this said person’s head off. He took a few steps to stand closer and in front of you. You are slightly shorter than them so you glanced upward with fear in your eyes because you are suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the fact that the person before you is not happy with your statement. Hongjoong’s heavy footsteps echoed inside the empty big hall which stopped just right behind you. You can feel the gaze behind you is burning hole in the back of your head.

Seonghwa putting the loose hair strands behind your ears with a smile which is totally mocking your fear, “We can’t just accept that you are engaged Y/N.”

“Huh? What do you mean you can’t?” You know the three of you can’t be close friends when you are just a commoner with two royals. People would not like this relation among you three.

“Oh precious! We can't lose you again when we just got you after so many years. We did not just wait for you to come back and say that you are going away from us forever.” You are not sure if Seonghwa is hurt with your engagement as he won’t be seeing his friend again or is he referring to something else which you can’t even think can be possible.

You retreat your steps back from his close proximity but to your dismay your back bumped into a hard yet fury chest. You got startled, thin back of your floral old town villager gown is not helping but feeling the furs stinging in your back. You turned your head to at least glance at the person behind you and found he is smirking at you with a lust filled eyes. Your attention was brought back to the front when Seonghwa holds your chin to make eye contact with you and suddenly you felt two palms resting on both of your shoulders. The sudden contact with two males making a chill shiver run down your body. Your eyes searching in the opposite eyes for the emotions to feel because everything is so confusing for you in the moment.

Seonghwa looked down at you smiling and then looked behind you, you can feel they are communicating with each other through eyes which makes you feel outcast between them. The hold on your chin is moved to brushing your cheeks with his long soft fingers when the thumb slowly touched your lower lips and keeping the movement in a slow trans. Your right hand moved up in reflex to take a hold of his wrist.

“What are you doing?” You softly asked him with a fearful expression.

“My Precious…..” Joong whispered breathily in your left ear and his hands falling from your shoulders and sneaking to hug you from behind. His head then resting on your left shoulder. You exhaled a heavy shaky breath and closed your eyes.

“Look at me!” the command from the eldest prince really dominated over the movement of your body for which you immediately looked up at him expecting him to have any dark look but he was looking at you softly.

“Tell me love, do you want to go back to him?”

“Huh? …..To my father? ” your eyebrows creased with the question. Hwa nodded to which you strongly showed your denial by shaking your head.

The prince behind you now asked, “and to him?”

“Who again?”

“Your fiancé?” your fearful expression returned to confused as to why is he asking you this obvious question and the uneasiness making you to wiggle under the two holds which made them to hold you tighter.

“Oh him! Yes of course I would go there …...that’s my home after my father kicked me out.” The answer didn’t help the situation either for your uneasiness. Seonghwa is no more smiling at you but glaring dangerously.

“No you won’t.” Hongjoong stated blankly.

“Why?”

“He is not good. He is no one in your life. The only men you are allowed to have in your life is me and Hwa.” He hugged you tightly and felt his lips kissed your exposed neck lightly. You left out a soft moan for the contact and looking down but quickly looked up.

“What are you saying?” You are now asking to both of them.

“He has said you already love, that only men that is yours is us. You belong to us.”

“I don’t belong to you. Please leave me, I need to go.”

“You think we will let you go now?” Seonghwa smirked at your miserable state under his brother’s hold. His hand on your cheek moved upward to pat your head before going back a few steps to take in your whole look while you were struggling to get away from the back hug. Hongjoong is snuggling in your neck which made your eyes a bit watery. Again, he came closer to you and smashed his lips on you. You tried to move your head to retreat from the kiss but nothing is helping when he holds your face tightly to glare at you for a second and again returned back to kiss you.

In the same time, Hongjoong is giving you butterfly kisses all over neck and over the bit of your shoulders visible. Your hands are restricted by him preventing their movement. Seonghwa’s kiss is rough as if he is a hungry beast who haven’t got his meal for last few weeks. Both of the male stopped their movement. You are weeping quietly while looking down. The lose of their hold didn’t help your weak legs to let you stand still any longer when you suddenly fall on your knees and hid your face in your palms and continued weeping.

Seonghwa felt a wave of guilt within him but quickly brushed it off. Hongjoong came in front of you and knelt down to move your hands blocking your face. Your teary eyes looked at him with hatred and fear. The man didn’t even bother to acknowledge your anger but he assures your fear with a soft kiss on top of your head. His one hand takes a hold of back of your head to push it softly against his chest to stroke you softly in a comforting way. Your hands takes a hold of his furry coat. Fur should be a place of comfort but this fur is like a needle to you.

“Why…… why a-are you d-doing this?” You questioned between your crying.

“Its okay precious, nothing is wrong. We are doing what we should have done way before.”

Seonghwa also mimicked his brother’s expression beside him to stroke your back. You moved back from Joong’s chest to look at them. Both of them are dearly smiling at you.

“We are your kings, love.”

Joong added to his brother, “and You are our Precious.”

“……no”

“Love, there is no other option for you except accepting this.” Hwa is grinning while speaking.

You shake your head side by side while thinking for what to say, “Please…...”

“Please what love?”

“I want to go.”

Hongjoong glared at you before standing up. “Hwa, take her to our room and let me have a talk with them about her and I will ask for you if I need help.”    

 “Sure Joong, we need to tell everyone that they have got their kings and the precious queen.”

Seonghwa tightly holds your wrist to make you stand and starts pulling you to the grand door of the hall to exit, you looked towards the younger prince to see him staring at you dangerously with a smirk “What will you talk to them about?”

Then you tried to wiggle your hand out of the tight grip which is hurting you a bit, “Where are you taking me to? Where is Joong going? What is going on?”

“Oh, don’t worry about him, he will be back soon till then we can enjoy ourselves. He needs to finish a meeting with your father and …..Haechan.”

“No, you don’t have to talk to them. I need to go back to him. Leave me.”

“Shut up. We own you and no one can dare to change it.” Hwa laughed in the end of his reply which is followed by Joong’s laugh.

“You don’t own me, I’m not a property please……” You are about to cry again. Hwa glanced at Joong when he stepped closer to you and suddenly hugged you. You are confused but before contemplating the situation you felt a needle like something pierced the skin near your backside of the neck. Your eyes felt heavy and your weight is leaning towards his body which he gladly took a good hold of it. He caressed your head before lifting you up in a bridal style. Footsteps came near you both and the last thing you heard,

“I need to go now to say goodbye to your father and your fiancé but we can continue everything later Precious.”

“Our Precious.”

(Do you readers need part 2? Spicy or soft?)

Here is the part 2! Out now!

[scarlet2007]

⊹ ₊˚꒷꒦︶⊹ To tame a mermaid's heart₊︶꒷꒦︶

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Pairing: Yandere! Adult trio x Mermaid! Reader. (Chrollo x reader in this chapter).

Side pairing: Illumi x Hisoka.

[ Master list ]

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Summary: After being kidnapped by Chrollo, a certain clown and assassin took an interest in her as her childhood friend, Kurapika Kurta, tried to free her from the clutches of those monsters. But perhaps, Kurapika has become one too.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Chapter: 1 of the miniseries.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Warnings: Yandere theme, Kidnapping and human/mermaid trafficking, drugs and overall, horror themes, oh! And i named the reader "Maki".

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Word count: 1.3k

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Requested by: @animerules898

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

The auction light burned her vision, making her cover her eyes as soon as the curtains were opened, the people letting out a gasp as they stared at the scene infront of them. Rumors has it that a mermaid was being auctioned off at the mafia auction this year, and from the looks of it, it looks like the rumours were true as they all watched her blink in confusion, her tail shining brightly as the light from the auction hall hit it, making the vibrant colours appears more mesmerizing.

They all stared at her, listening to the host intensely as everyone wanted the mermaid to themselves. After all, mermaids are rare, and if you managed to make one transform, it can provide great and powerful offsprings.

She looked confused at first before the situation finally dawn upon her as she tried to look for a way to escape, but being enclosed in a tank didn't help her case. As she looked at the crowd and the host in panic, the crowd started to bet more and more, competing against each other to buy her. She was beautiful, as all mermaids are, but what made her more desirable was how innocent and helpless she looked, which just fueled the desires of the people in the auction house more, with one common thought, 'I can't wait to break her.'

After almost half an hour later, she was auctioned off, and in her frantic state, she didn't look at who brought her as a lady started to push her tank towards the storage.

"Kortopi, are you going to make a copy of her too?" The lady that took her to the storage room asked, glancing at a strange man. He had a thick and messy mane of grey hair covering his entire head and obscuring everything except for his left eye. He also had a small mouth and round head. He wore a light blue tunic, light blue pants beneath it, and black shoes.

Kortopi nodded as the lady pushed her tank towards him, as another girl, seemingly called 'Shizuku' as the lady referred to her as, looked at the mermaid with great interest.

The mermaid shifted uncomfortably in the tank, trying to make herself as small and as far away from the top of the tank as she could as a man with blonde hair and black eyes tried to pull her out of it. He looked fairly tall and muscular. His most distinguishing features where his piercing eyes and lack of eyebrows, making the mermaid almost giggle before she remembered where she was.

Suddenly, she was pulled out of the tank in an blink of an eye, by a string as a girl with pink hair rolled her eyes. The mermaid, shocked at what just happened, laid on the ground for a few seconds before looking straight at the girl with pink hair. The mermaid's hair were wet, and so was her whole body as she pant heavily, finding it a bit difficult to breath as her atmosphere suddenly changed.

"Machi, be gentle! Leader told us to bring her without any bruises or cuts!" A man with blond hair and bright green eyes wearing a lavender outfit, exclamated.

"She wasn't going to come out on her own, Shalnark." Someone said as the mermaid was too busy being dragged towards Kortopi, struggling on her way as Phinks tried to keep her to stay still. The mermaid whimpered, feeling distressed at the whole overdeal as she flinched as Kortopi put his hand on top of her head, focusing on greating a copy of her with his fake gallery.

The mermaid watched in the mixture of fear and curiosity as her exact replica was created besides her, the only think that made her unique from her replica was that her replica didn't feel as lively as she did, making the replica almost look like a doll.

"Kortopi, why does the replica look... A bit different from the mermaid?" Shizuku asked, staring intensely at the replica and the mermaid infront of her. Phinks agreed before Kortopi began to explain.

"Mermaids can not be replicated fully, it's one of the things that make them so unique and rare." The mermaid nodded along in almost a child-like manner as she glanced at Kortopi.

Suddenly, the mermaid felt pain in her neck before her eyes were blindfolded as she began to loss conciousness.

"Good thing they are vulnerable to all type of drugs then." Was the last thing she heard before she lost her conciousness.

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

The mermaid woke up in a tank, in the middle of a room inside of an abandoned building.

The mermaid groaned, bubbles forming from the action as she looked around before spotting a figure sitting nearby, reading what looked like a Bible. He had slick black hair that were pulled back, wearing a fluffy jacket without anything underneath with a weird tattoo on his forehead. The mermaid stared at him in silence, fear slowly creeping in the longer she stared at the man who was calmly reading the book with the help of the light generated by a candle.

The mermaid flinched as the man shut off his book, turning around to made eye contact with her.

"You're awake." He smiled as he approached her, making the poor mermaid swim as far back as the tank would allow to keep her distance from the man.

"Shhh, don't be, scared, love, you are mine, now. You shouldn't be scared." The man whispered as he stared at her.

There was something unsettling in his gaze, something more unsettling at the way he talked, making the mermaid fear him more.

The mermaid squeaked in fear as he grabbed her arm, pulling her out of her water tank as he pulled her towards his chest, sliding an arm underneath her tail to support it as he nuzzled against her neck.

"Mine... You don't know how long I have waited to get my hands on you, Maki." The mermaid froze in fear, 'Maki', no one knew her name, except her clan members and the members of the Kurta clan, even the people that were auctioning her off didn't knew her name.

Maki gulped in fear, as she glanced at his face, his gentle smile and calm demeanor making her question her own fear.

Why is he so calm? Why was she freaking out when he had been nothing but nice to her? Who was he?

Maki shook her head gently, trying to focus on the situation more and not on her thoughts as she finally spoke after months.

"How... Do you know my name..?" She asked quietly, her voice hoarse from not being used from months.

"Oh, Maki... I know everything about you."

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

Author's note: Okay, so... This is my first ever mini-series, so I am kind of excited to see how it will turn out! I really love the whole idea so thanks to @animerules898 for the great idea! If anyone wants to be tagged in the future chapters, then feel free to send me an ask for it! Also, my mid terms are starting from 11th September so I might be a bit slow but I will try my best to be active! Thank you!

Oh, and requests are open but please be patient with them! Have a great day!

꒷꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒦꒷︶꒷︶꒷꒦꒷︶꒷꒷꒦꒷︶꒦ ͘ ˖ ⊹

[toomanythoughts2]

Does Toki See His Father When He Looks In The Mirror?

Hello again! I'm back with another analysis, this time focusing around Toki and his father, Aslaug. I want to explore Toki's connection with his father in terms of inherited violence and anger, whether or not Toki is aware of it, and what he is doing about it.

Toki is a very complicated character with CPTSD, which is a regular background point of his character. The show does not shy away from the abuse he suffered at the hands of his family nor does it explain it. However, I have always been curious if Toki successfully broke the cycle of abuse or did he merely disguise it behind his brutal and violent livelihood.

In this analysis, I'll discuss the connection that Toki and Aslaug share physically and mentally, and what that means for Toki's mental health.

GIST: Toki does see his father in mirror, both physically and mentally. The abuse he suffered changed him permanently in both his animal form, rabbit, and his role in the prophecy (Angel of Death). However, Toki actively tries to separate himself from that internal anger by choosing forgiveness ("Dethdad"), acknowledging his anger ("Dethkids"), and using coping mechanisms (Age Regression, "Dethcamp", Alcohol, "Dethrelease", "Dethdinner" ). Toki suffers from generational anger and will relapse for as long as he lives. However, with the support of his band, he will continue to work towards remaining good-natured for the sake of himself and others. Toki will always see Aslaug in the mirror but he will always sees himself first and foremost.

As always, longer analysis under the cutaway.

Facial Resemblance

I know a popular theory is that Toki is not biologically Aslaug and Anja's but for the sake of this analysis, they are. I wanted to first look at the facial resemblance that they share. I mean it when I say, "Does Toki see his father in the mirror?" This is a common theme amongst people who have been hurt or are hurting because of a family member, in this case, a parent. Obviously, Toki is going to naturally look like his parents, but I think it's important to note just how similar he looks to his abuser and what that kind of semblance can do to him. Aslaug does not have a lot of appearances, so references for his face normally is limited. I used the Metalocalypse Wiki character profile photo as the reference. It's from "Dethdad".

Below are different photos of Toki with a natural, stagnant face that I believe are the best for comparison for the photo we have of Aslaug. There are a few areas that stick out to me the most as being the most "Aslaug": Eyebrows, lips, chin, and eyes.

Eyebrows

All of their eyebrows when rested have a natural downward pull in the middle. Not as exaggerated as Murderface's eyebrows, but Toki and Aslaug share the same eyebrow pull. They also share, obviously, hair color and thickness. Anja's eyebrows are thinner, but the same color. (We can infer that they all have the same hair color based on the eyebrows so that's a given, even though when we see Aslaug in "Dethdad" he has gray hair and is balding.)

Lips

Toki and Aslaug's resting lip shape is also very similar. They seem to have long mouths with little to no lips, with each side pointing downwards. You can see the resemblance a little clearer during "Dethzazz" (comparison further down) but these images are meant for a natural, resting look resemblance. Good to note that Anja does have lips, so Toki definitely got his lips from his father.

Eyes

Now, from what I can tell, Aslaug and Anja have blue eyes. However, Anja has rounder eyes, like circles, while Aslaug has almond eyes, like Toki. They share the same eye color (Though Toki seems to have lighter eyes, which could be contributed to Toki being outside in the sunlight more than his parents, who are always seen in a bleak, snowy landscape in the flashbacks.), eye shape, and they both have downward turned eyes. (Though, with a comparison to Anja, he gets his downward shape from her, not his father.)

Chins

Toki and Aslaug also share a similar chin definition. They both have a above the chin line that indicates a pointy chin. (You can see this clearly in "Stare Downs" with Skwisgaar sharing the same feature.) Taking reference from "Dethdad", you can see the chins prominently poking out. Aslaug points out more but that is probably due to age and sickness. Some other things to note is the similar nose bridge connecting the brow bone and the high, defined cheek bones.

Differences

A few details that make him different from his father is his nose shape. Aslaug (and Anja) have straight, down facing noses with prominent nostrils, like Nathan. In the headliner image, you can actually see that Toki seems to have a bent nose to the right with less defined nostrils. (Possibly breaking it in his youth?) Obviously, Toki has facial hair while Aslaug does not. Toki also has longer eyebrows than Aslaug, and they are fuller, though this could be contributed to age. Toki also lacks a cupids bow above his lips that is apparent in both parents.

Anja

Just to compare a few things with his mother, they do share a fair amount of facial features. The most notable to me is the asymmetrical eye shapes that Skwisgaar points out in "Stare Downs". If you look closely at their left eyes, they both point downwards significantly more than their rights (though Anja has very downward turned eyes, her left seems more down). They also share the same prominent chin and high cheek bones.

Rabbit Symbolism

Toki and the rabbit are connected throughout the whole series. There are many interpretations of what a rabbit can mean, but I want to focus on how the rabbit represents his father, his father's anger, his own anger, forgiveness, and it's connection with death.

Common Rabbit Symbolism

Rabbits have many different types of meanings all around the world, but here are a few that I think hold significance for Toki.

Luck - While Toki gives off bad luck and death to people around him, he himself is very lucky to survive his abuse, his homelessness, and be at the right time at the right place to audition for Dethklok and get in.

Innocence and Vulnerability - Toki is seen as naïve and innocent to a lot of different people and in social situations. To a degree, Toki allows himself to be vulnerable in the hopes of making friends ("Dethcamp"). He also fills his life with innocent hobbies and interests that come off as "childish", much like his bedroom design. He also has a significant (in Dethklok terms) lack of interest in sex in comparison to the others ("Writersklok").

Rebirth (Cycle of Life and Death) - This symbolism can allude to Toki taking action in "Breaking the Cycle" in reference to the abuse he delt with and choosing not to continue that abuse. "Life" and "Death" can be literal or not, as I see it. Such as Toki "killing" his past to be "birthed" into his future. (Being kicked out of his home to being accepted into Dethklok to then Dethklok "breaking up" and so forth.)

Messengers of the Underworld - As an "Angel of Death", we see many people who die while around Toki but the specific people we see who Toki has direct relations with are people and animals already on the verge of death but haven't died yet. (Juliette, Dimneld, and Really Cool Cat) This can allude to Toki's role as bringing people close to him in order to let them pass.

Survival and Resistance - Toki has survived many horrible acts upon him, many of which should have killed him. But they did not. Out of all of the members, Toki is seen as the most resistant member, facing years of abuse, homelessness, and kidnapping and torture. Yet he refused to let the negativity consume him. He actively chooses to remain hopeful and kind.

Toki's Connection With The Rabbit

"Dethcarraldo" is in Season 2, episode 9. This is after "Dethkids" and before "Dethdad". This is the episode where we are explicitly shown that Toki has a spiritual connection to the rabbit. The Yopo shows the group their "ancient animal form" in the episode. Toki is the only member of the group to not look like his intended animal but instead, a hybrid.

Or a monster.

While doing some research through the Wiki and the old Brendon Smalls AMA, I can say that there is no clarification as to why Toki looks like this. (If you have evidence of canon clarification, please @ me so I can see it.) So, I am going to make some reasonings for Toki's form.

First, we have to acknowledge that Toki is suppose to be a rabbit/hare/bunny. That's the actual animal he is suppose to be. Now the problem becomes the hybrid part. Toki is covered in the skin and fur of dead rabbits, with himself being transformed into a grotesque rabbit monster with large, rabbit-like legs, buck teeth, rabbit ears, paws. This is something one would see in a horror movie. With that being said, I think the reasoning behind it is because Toki is meant to represent generational anger and defense and how it transforms people into something they're not. (I'll talk more about that later.)

As explained, rabbits have many different symbolisms attached to them, many of them being good and positive things, such as luck and fertility. However, this isn't just a rabbit, it's also Toki. Toki, who is the "Angel of Death". Toki, who was abused from birth. I think what is happening is that Toki's life has permanently changed his animal form in order to protect him.

The other members are all predators with Toki being the only prey. However, as this hybrid, Toki transformed from his original prey form to a predator. He is meant to be kind. He is meant to be compassionate. He is meant to be the rabbit, but the human world destroyed that privilege. Toki had to transform into this beast in order to survive. He was transformed against his will due to the violence and abuse he endured as a child.

A poem that I think encapsulates this transformation is "The Deer with Fangs" by The Red Poetress on tiktok under the same name. The excerpt that I think best describes it is as follows:

"'Stay back wolf because I am a deer that will bite!' the deer shouted to the world that was awake in the beginning of the night. 'But deer, you were never meant to bare fangs' the wolf replied, it was true what the world said but fate had other plans. 'I'm sorry for whatever made you bare your fangs and wish you inner peace too, but baring your fangs was not meant for you.'"

That's how I view this. Toki's animal form is meant to be a rabbit, but Toki the person no longer has that chance of just being just the rabbit. He was forced to change to survive. He was birthed into a family that never gave him the chance of just being the rabbit.

And now he has to live with that.

Angel of Death

You can't talk about Toki's anger without talking about his part of the prophecy. He is not a normal human, so this side of him also has to be examined.

Taken directly from the wiki:

Toki appears to represent the forces of death, and is referred to by The Tribunal as "an angel of death" for his tendency to leave a trail of bad luck in his wake. He is constantly surrounded by deaths and plagued with misfortune yet always seems to come through these experiences relatively unscathed. In contrast with his childlike role in the band he is the only character who has actually killed someone directly, both intentionally (beating a man to death in Snakes N' Barrels II) and accidentally (drowning his own father in Dethdad).

While there are no direct connections in the show of the bunny and his part of the prophecy, there is a lot to be inferred from it. As mention above, bunny's can be symbols of "death messengers" and rebirth. It's important to note that Toki does not have to do anything for this curse to be active, he simply has to be around people.

I believe that Toki's part in the prophecy and his animal form are directly and intentionally related, but his humanity altered his spirit form permanently into a hybrid, which in turn changed his part of the prophecy. These two things were always meant to be together but the actions of his father changed it into something new. Looking back up at the wiki, "Toki is the only one in the band who actually killed someone intentionally and accidentally." While some may argue that this is just the nature of death, I do not believe that this is how his curse is meant to unfold. Toki is not meant to take a direct approach in the deaths he causes.

Tribunal

Going back to "Dethdad", I wanted to discuss what the Tribunal has said about Toki. From the wiki, it states:

"...Toki has been suppressing his true feelings about his birth parents and they [the world] could very well die if those feelings are unleashed."

Toki, without the interference from his parents, would have never been this much of a threat to the tribunal on his own. This says to me that his parent's abuse altered his very role of the prophecy by making him more violent. Which also points to how the abuse changed his animal form, from the bunny to the hybrid, in order to protect himself. His abuse, and the anger from it, has left him in such a volatile state that the tribunal believes he could kill everyone if he were to confront those emotions.

Also note that the Tribunal calls him a "Messenger of Death" which is a direct symbol of the rabbit, who is sometimes called the "Messengers of the Dead".

Prophecy

I want to look at one line of the prophecy to support my theory that Toki is not suppose to take a direct approach with his curse/power.

“And the death-song of the man who stands behind shadows, began.” - "Dethcamp"

Magnus was always a part of the prophecy, his death was ALWAYS meant to happen. The moment he meets Toki the "death-song...began." Toki never once laid a finger on Magnus, never once got mad at him during his torture, never once gave up on him being a friend. Toki was embodying his animal form, the rabbit, with vulnerability, innocence, resistance, and survival. Toki never killed Magnus, but by meeting Toki, Magnus was always meant to die. This is connected to the "Rebirth" and "Messenger of Death" symbolism of the rabbit, along with Toki's role in the prophecy. This, I believe, really pushes the idea that Toki's role in the prophecy is meant to be indirect and non-discriminatory.

Toki is the angel of death and he is the rabbit.

He was never meant to be the hybrid.

_______________________________

I want to take a step back and go back to the original question, "Does Toki see his father when he looks in the mirror?" Toki is well aware that his father was a very bad man that hurt him (and probably hurt other people). Young Toki was an innocent child, who has no idea as to why his father did these things to him. But, if young Toki were to start recognizing a pattern of death around him, what is to say that he does not start seeing how he reminds himself of his father?

Despite Toki, who from the few times we see him as young boy, tries to be different from his father, he still causes this string of bad luck and death around him. He does not understand his part of the prophecy. He does not know that he is spiritually connected to the rabbit.

All he knows is that he is his father's son.

Toki's Acknowledging His Anger

In order to understand Toki's anger, we need to take a look at "Dethkids" in Season 1. For reference, "Dethdad", "Dethrecord", and "Snakes N' Barrels II" are both in Season 2, subsequent of each other.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time describing Toki's abuse as all fans understand he was horrible abused as a child. So, I'm just going to continue to "Dethkids" assuming that everyone understands the horrors Toki faced as a child.

In "Dethkids", Juliette Sarmangsadandle sings a song for Toki called, "a song for toki." It goes:

"I am just a girl. Just a speck of worthless dust in this rotting world Yet I must speak to thee. There was once a time where I longed for pretty things But now that's changed. I long for murder. How long shall I wait To celebrate my unforgiving hate~ Oh~ I can't wait to be brutal. I can't wait to wield a hatchet covered with blood. Cause you're the maggot of my eyes You're a piece of rotting pie to me. Oh~ It's been so long since you've been young. Now you understand Toki: Now, I very understand Yes he does Yes, Yes, Yes he does Toki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Pickles: I am Pickles the Drummer and I get to sing. Here too cause I'm drunk. And fuck you I'm drunk. I'm really really drunk, fuck you dickweed. Fuck you too. I'm gonna go -- I'm gonna go lay down. Ok, bye. *Harmonizing between Juliette and child Toki.*"

This episode is credited at showing Toki's own hypocrisy toward children and his child-like self. This episodes changes his view points on children and his own self. The episode is about Toki no longer wanting to be the childish one in the band, so he decides to be "a demon" to create a new identity. He's rejecting himself, rejecting Juliette, and rejecting his own comforts to be someone else. But once he listens to the song, he realizes that he understands Juliette's anger and want for brutality. He acknowledges that he too was a child filled with anger and hatred.

Let's break down a few lyrics:

"I can't wait to be brutal."

During these lyrics, we see young Toki being abused by his mother, Anja. Here is where Toki starts to relate to the lyrics. Toki can't wait until he can hurt his parents like how they've hurt him.

"I can't wait to wield a hatchet cover with blood."

The lyrics starts to describe gruesome acts of violence, all of which he is relating toward his parents. He is acknowledging that he had these feelings of hatred and violence toward his parents, and wanted to hurt them.

"Cause you're the maggot of my eyes."

Here he is accusing his mother (and father) of being the cause of his pain, thus the cause of his anger and violence. He is putting the blame on to them for being the abusers, for harming him, and for making him feel this way.

"You're a piece of rotting pie to me."

He views his parents with disgust. What was once sweet has now rotted away into something unusable. He views his parents as something that should have been good but has turned sour. He sees them as garbage, something no one wants, something he does not want.

"It's been so long since you've been young. Now you understand."

This points to me that Toki has not been feeing his own anger, but instead letting it stew inside of him. He has not acknowledged his hatred for his parents, but this is where it starts. Juliette helps Toki reach back into his childhood to acknowledge his anger and violence, so that he can choose to be different. That's why he goes back to Juliette at the end, to do right by her, and giving her the wish she wanted and the acknowledgment to her anger.

Now that we have Toki acknowledging his anger and violent thoughts toward his parents, we can not see how Toki reacts to his father in "Dethdad" in Season 2.

His Father, Their Anger, and Toki's Forgiveness

From "Dethdad", Toki sings;

"I hates everythings, includings my dads. And also myself. Why is everything so hards for Toki? Ams I a boy? Ams I a man? If I hates you so much, why does it make me so sad? And if I lets you too close, will you dies in my hands? It's times for me to grows ups. Bes a mans. Gonna do what I cans, gonna says goodbyes to my dad."

First off, I want to explain that this song to meant to represent Toki choosing to "Break the Cycle". I know a lot of fans (myself included) didn't want to see Toki forgive his father, especially for all the shit he put Toki through. But I think after really looking at the lyrics and seeing Toki's progression in the show, I can confidently say that this is a song about Toki choosing to forgive so he can let go. Within the song itself holds views of his father as a rabbit.

Lets break it down lyric by lyric.

"I hates everythings, includings my dads."

Right off the bat, Toki admits to hating his father and everything around him. He specifically wanted the audience to know that he hates his father. This is not shocking as we, at this point, have a good understanding that Aslaug was a very abusive and horrible man.

"And also myself."

This is very telling for the type of mindset Toki is in right now. He hates himself. Many children of abuse have feelings of hatred toward themselves, and Toki is no different. The following lyrics provide possible context as to why Toki hates himself.

"Why is everything so hards for Toki?"

This is Toki asking the question, "Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to care for my abusive father? Why was I abused?" This is him asking all of the impossible questions to all of the abuse he suffered as a child. He's frustrated about his past and the things that happened to him, that he knows shouldn't have happened. He's also mad that he's still being put into these positions where he has to make these decisions that he doesn't want to do. Toki does not want to see his father.

"Ams I a boy? Ams I a man?"

In DSR, we find out that Toki ran away from home at a young age. Toki was still a boy during that time and they never saw each other again until "Dethfam" when he was well into his adult life. This could be him reflecting on that stretch of time. This could also be Toki asking himself, "Am I going to continue to be filled with anger like how I was when I was a child, or am I going to be a man and face my problems?" I think this is a pivotal point in the song that guides the listener into Toki's inner struggles of forgiveness.

"If I hates you so much, why does it make me so sad?"

This is a very common theme amongst children with abusive parents. Toki has hatred for his father, for himself, for everything, and yet he feels sad for his father who is dying. He is sympathetic to the situation when he feels like he shouldn't, and it makes him confused. At his core, Toki is still a child, wanting to be loved by his parents (or parent-like figures). This is where he first see the rabbit! It is just a normal white bunny that Toki proceeds to pick up when he sings this part of the song, adding another layer to his confusion and how he sees his father. Could this relate to Toki's sympathetic nature toward his father and the vulnerability he will have to show in order to face him? Or could this be symbolism for the end of Aslaug's life in the cycle of life? Or possibly, could this be Toki using the rabbit as a guide to lead his father to the afterlife?

"and if I lets you too close, will you dies in my hands?"

Here we see that the rabbit is meant to represent Toki's father, which alludes to rabbit's and their connection with death, vulnerability, and guidance. To have Aslaug wearing the rabbit suit, Toki is acknowledging that it is his father's time to go. However, there is another possible meaning. Due to Toki's conflict of wanting to forgive but feeling so much hatred toward his father, by having his father wear the rabbit suit, it could be a way for Toki to see him as a once innocent and vulnerable person. He's changing his perspective of his father to make "being a man" easier on himself, as he too has to be vulnerable in order to say goodbye to him. He also possibly acknowledges his curse, adding meaning that he is guiding his father into the after life.

This is a very interesting lyric to me because it makes me wonder just how much Toki understands his "death curse". Toki is canonically known as the "Angel of Death" but it obviously did not start when he went away. There must have been signs at a young age that something was wrong. He also understands that the people who die are those who are close to him. Could this be Toki acknowledging that very same curse, and if so, does this lyric have a double meaning?

At first, this lyric could be interpreted as in Toki does not want his father to pass away. He knows that by seeing his father, he's basically signing his death certificate, and he's conflicted about the role he would be in by doing that. However, this lyric could also read as morbidly intrigued, almost sadistically hopeful. Toki knows about his curse to a degree and has a lot of hatred for his father, and while conflicted, he could also be happy that by being close to him, he could end his father's life and his own suffering.

Granted, I believe the first interpretation is the correct one, but it is nonetheless an interesting angle.

"It's times for mes to grows up. Bes a mans."

This is where I see the "Forgiveness" part in this song. Toki is obviously choosing to forgive his father by "being a man". Being a man to Toki means forgiving and letting go of his anger to do what, he believes, is the right thing to do. It takes a lot of bravery to do something like that.

"Gonna do what I cans, gonna says goodbyes to my dad."

Seeing his father is what he believes will make him a man. He's scared and angry and confused but he's choosing to forgive and move past it in order to "be a man". He's going to do "what I cans" to make that happen. It's also important to note that what he is singing about is "saying goodbye" to his father. He has yet to be asked to take Aslaug up to the cottage.

_______________________________

At the end of the episode, we know that Toki slips and Aslaug falls and drowns to his death under the ice in a pond. Toki is clearly distraught. He tried to do what he believed was the right thing to do and he still "killed" his father. Toki already has complicated feelings about his father and this only pushes to confuse him even more. He is already trying to separate himself from the "boy" to a "man" by being better than Aslaug, but by "killing" him, Toki is only able to see what he longed to not be, his father.

Toki is quite literally looking at his father as he dies. His hands are over Aslaug's. The ice acts as a mirror for Toki, where he does not see his own reflection, but instead the demise of his father. Even when he tried to be different from his father and grant him forgiveness and kindness, he failed, and hurt and "killed" his father in the same fashion as he was tortured; freezing temperatures and helplessness.

We see his inner turmoil morph in the next episodes, "Snakes N' Barrels II", "Dethrecord", and "Dethrelease."

_______________________________

This is where I believe we start to see a clear message about "Breaking the Cycle" where Toki is actively trying to break it by doing what he believes is the right thing as "a man". He does not want to be that angry, scared child anymore. But the violent nature of Aslaug's death and the role Toki plays in it, pushes him back into his feelings of rage and confusion, ultimately causing a obstacle in Toki's journey of "Breaking the Cycle". It's important to note that "Breaking the Cycle" is never linear and relapses happen. Healing is never linear.

In the question, "Does Toki see his father when he looks in the mirror?" I think Toki forgiving his father is him trying to separate himself from Aslaug. By forgiving, he's doing something that he knows his father never would do. He's "Being a Man", becoming his own person, he's choosing to let go of his anger, sadness, and fear.

But does it work?

Toki, The Rabbit, and His Anger

Snakes N' Barrels II

"Snakes N' Barrels II" happens immediately after "Dethdad". Quick synopsis, Snakes N' Barrels still has "Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake" in their system and at the "SOBERTOWN USA No Drugs Allowed Sober Rock and Roll Show", the drug is reactivated and effects people around them.

It creates hallucinations.

One of which, is the bunny we see in "Dethdad".

While this is all going on, Toki has snapped on a man at the concert and starts to violently beat him up to the point of killing him. This is contributed by the mounting pressure, confusion, and anger that "Dethdad" left Toki in. While he is beating this man to death, a hallucination of a bunny appears to a hallucination member of Snakes N' Barrels, but turns into a giant bunny monster that chases after him and kills him.

This is symbolism for how Toki, who is the rabbit, has snapped and let his anger consume him into committing violent acts against others. Because Toki was never able to get his father into his childhood cottage and dropped him in the pond, resulting in his death, Toki never received closure for what he thought forgiving his dad would bring. It only motivated him to be angry and violent, something his father was, something he is started to see in himself. He blames himself for his father's death, probably falling into a pit of despair that all of his internal work was for nothing, as he will always be like his father. The concert goer was an unfortunate man who pushed Toki too far at the wrong time. It's important to note that Toki is pushed around a lot in the rest of the series but he never behaves like this ever again, even to Magnus.

If we look back at Toki's "ancient animal form", we can start to see just how dangerous this hybrid can be. We see why the hybrid was necessary in the first place, and the people who are unfortunate enough to see it in action.

The hybrid is a defense mechanism.

Toki is purposefully letting himself get this angry to make sure no one ever hurts him again, while also giving into the idea that he is just like his father; cruel and violent.

We see this theme continue on into "Dethrecord".

Dethrecord

Not too much to talk about here but there is one scene that sticks out to me. When Murderface and Toki are showing the guys "Takin' it Easy", Toki threatens to throw hot towels at Murderface. Now, this is probably just for laughs, because Toki does normally shows regular "Metalocalypse" signs of violence. However, this is RIGHT after "Snakes N' Barrels II" where they all witnessed Toki beat a man to death, Murderface included. They are obviously a little scared of him, and Toki threatening Murderface so casually shows Toki allowing himself to get violent when faced with opposition. (Murderface told him he's not in Planet Piss, which is where the song will be released on, so he gets no credits for it, even though he helped create it.)

Continuing on to "Dethrelease" will show just how bad his father's death affected him.

Dethrelease

"Dethrelease" is where we see Toki's anger essentially burn out. He begins coping with alcohol and falls into a depressive state of being. As the rabbit, he is not suppose to be this way. By drinking excessively, he is pushing away his own feelings while also worrying his bandmates. It isn't until Nathan tells him that he's worried about him that Toki realizes that someone does care about him and is worried about him. We can discuss the importance of this coming from Nathan, who is considered the band dad by both fans and AOTD (Knubbler).

His father, Aslaug, was a cruel and abusive man. Toki was told to carry him up the mountain so he can die in his childhood home, which Toki failed once slipping. His father then died in the frozen pond.

This is a parallel of that same scene.

Nathan, the band dad, is carrying Toki out of a raging fire in Mordhaus. Once Succuboso tries to hurt Nathan at the top of the house, Toki hits her over the head with a bottle (saving Nathan's life). Nathan then carry's Toki down from the house and tells him that he's worried about him, which helps Toki realize that his drinking has gotten out of control.

Toki knows that his father would never carry him up the mountain but Nathan did. Toki knows that his father would never tell him he is worried about him or that he cares about him but Nathan did. Toki knows his father would never protect him from the elements but Nathan did. It is crucial that Toki heard these words from Nathan and no one else, because Nathan is the band dad, a father figure. And we know that Toki returns to "normal" after this exchange because we see Toki interact with rabbits later on in the series, connecting once again to his "ancient animal form".

_______________________________

Season 3, Episode 10 "Doublebookedklok". There are no other rabbits in this shot except for what is in Toki's arms, furthering his connection to the rabbit. (Also looks like the other animal is a version of Deaddy Bear, as there are no copy cats of that stuffie either in the picture.)

Season 4, Episode 6 "Writersklok". He is the only one without a woman on his lap, showing signs of innocence as symbolized by the rabbit. (Look at how happy they both look! :3)

_______________________________

We also do not see Toki resort to major acts of violence when pushed or prodded. (I do not count normal amounts of Metalocalypse type violence in this, I'm only referring to "Snakes N' Barrels II" type of violence.)

Season 4, Episode 7 "Dethcamp". Even though Toki is violently having cake shoved down his throat and is dying of a diabetic shock, he does not put his hands on the bully.

Doomstar Requiem. Toki, throughout "Magnus and the Assassin", sings about how scared he is and pleads for them to not hurt them. That they have done nothing to them. Toki even calls Magnus, "my friend."

Generational Anger

Before I continue, I believe another quote will help further explain this section of the analysis.

“If you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you will find him even when he is not there. and if one day you find that there is no angry man in your house— well, you will go find one and invite him in!” - Cut by Catherine Lacey

Now that I feel like I've talked enough about the importance of the rabbit symbolism, we can get down to the humanity of Toki and Aslaug. So, what exactly is "Generational Anger?"

Paper Cranes Counseling defines Generational Anger as, "The unhealthy expressions of anger and nonconstructive methods of release that often run in families." We do not know the origins of either of Toki's parents, but it is safe to assume that they were also brought up in this cult. There's a very good chance that both Aslaug and Anja were also severely abused as children, and passed on their traditions and anger onto to Toki. (I assume that Toki is actually from a long line of Reverends, whereas Toki was meant to be the next reverend after Aslaug's death.)

The thing about Toki is that he is resilient and good-natured as is. It's one of his defining characteristics in the show, it's simply who he is as a person. This doesn't mean Toki is a perfect person or that he does no harm, it just simply means that Toki by default wants to be good. That's what ultimately saves Toki.

Toki did not let the abuse consume him. He continued to be himself, despite the problems it would eventually cause for himself.

But is this out of character for the son of Aslaug?

No.

Toki knows that he is the reverend's son, he knows that, within the cult, he is meant to take over for his father at some point. He is meant to lead, meant to protect the traditions, meant to be strong willed, meant to be different from the rest of the cult. And he is, just not the way Aslaug wanted him to be.

For Toki to be himself and find joy in music and playing guitar, he is going against his father's wishes. Toki is leading his own life, away from his parents abuse, and attempting to be someone that is not his father. (I've said this before but Toki is very Cinderella-coded to me.)

While this works in his favor, his inability to confront his feelings toward his parents is what ultimately destroys the progress he has made. Toki can be violent and cruel and power hungry. These are things that Toki has to work on while trying to remain true to himself.

Sadism

Toki shows bouts of sadistic glee in the show, which means that Toki holds a lot of his own anger and how he chooses to show it. It's common for abused children to repeat the cycle of abuse on those they think are below them, such as their own children or pets. Usually in the same fashion. There are 3 incidents where I think Toki shows sadistic traits.

While going through the incidents where Toki exhibits bouts of sadism and anger, I wanted to highlight the different types of ways his sadism comes out and when.

Toki's sadistic side usually only comes out when he is in charge of other people. The examples will show that every time he is sadistic, its because he's in charge.

The types of ways his sadism comes out is as follows:

Physical Violence

Threats of Physical Violence

Cursing

Yelling

Threat of Death

It's common for generational anger to show itself in ways that the victim either experienced themselves (Physical Violence, Threats of Physical Violence) or how the victim wanted to react when they were the target of anger (Cursing, Yelling, Threat of Death, Physical Violence).

Also to note, Toki does show signs of being sexually affected by being sadistic, though it is very small. This is a completely normal reaction that many people exhibit, but it does open the door for therapy.

Dethgov

Season 2, Episode 10

I believe this is the first time we see Toki going power crazy and sadistic toward someone. He gets put into a position by Governor Nathan because he wants to "helps people." But the problem is that once he's in office, he loses himself to the power he has over his secretary.

"Now I reallys gonna makes everythings right and do something good for people. But first I gots to get this officer in order. Moves that over there. Not -- Not there. No, moves it there. No -- There."

After having this poor guy move this pencil holder all over his desk, he starts demanding the man do more dangerous tasks for him.

"Jumps out the window. Find me a paper clip! You do what I say, or I haves you all killed! Now shit your pants!"

This obviously shows Toki reacting poorly to the power he has and how he treats people once he has it. He once was a powerless child in the clutches of his abusive father, and now he has the option of doing the same thing to someone below him. Toki has good intentions but without good coping mechanisms and therapy, Toki will continue to fall into his internalized anger.

This is also were we see Toki being sexually affected by his sadism. This is a normal theme seen in a lot of people's traumas, so it's no surprise that we see it in Toki. Unfortunately, this does not seem to make another appearance in the show.

Nathan: "Toki, your boner is showing."

Dethmas

Season 3, Episode 4

Granted, this is not a huge sign of sadism, however, Toki is comfortable commanding around these klokateers, and threatens them with death if they talk about what Toki says to "Santa Clause". He's obviously feeling good about himself while he does it to. Toki likes having power over other people.

"Holds dis bags at once. I should likes to haves a private audience with Santa Clause fors a brief moments. And I would likes you to not repeats whats you sees to anybodys or I will haves you alls killed."

Bookklok

Season 4, Episode 5

In this infamous episode, Toki has dethroned Skwisgaar as the more popular guitarist, resulting in Skwisgaar losing a lot of his sponsorships and favor with the public. You see just how power crazy and sadistic Toki becomes once he has this power. I also want to make note that Toki and Skwisgaar's relationship in the series is slightly similar to the position Toki was in with his father. (I am in no way saying that Skwisgaar comes even close to the shit Aslaug put him through, but Skwisgaar does do certain things to Toki that keep him in that child-like role, which only harms his mental health.)

It is canon that Toki is in Skwisgaar's shadow all of the time. No one really wants Toki when Skwisgaar is right there. Not sponsorships, not the fans, not even the band really places him or his musical ability all that high. Skwisgaar demeans Toki a lot and is generally disappointed in him as well. No one really pays Toki any attention, something the band has joked about before ("Dethclown"). A lot of that resembles how Toki felt while he was a child living with his parents, and constantly being under his father's hand. So, once Toki has that power and has that audience, he slips back into this sadistic, power hungry self.

"Moves my 10:00s to 10:30s, move my 10:30s to 11:00s, and uh, moves my 11:00s to noons and my noons to next weeks! That's give me 10 minutes for lunch, so you'd better not fucks this up!"

He once again has no problem ordering around the klokateers like this. Just like in "Dethmas" Toki commands the klokateers to do his bidding and is cruel in his speech to them. Shouting and cursing. When he does see Skwisgaar again, he responds:

"Oh, look who ams waltzings back into my life. What, sos you can abuse me more? Pencils him in for next weeks or some shits like that."

He pays him no mind and even comes out and says the word abuse.

THIS IS SOMETHING I WANT PEOPLE TO ACKNOWEDLGE!

Never, not ONCE does Toki ever say the words, "My parents abused me." He acknowledged the abuse in multiple different ways and different configurations, but not once does he utter the world "abuse" about his parents, not even his dad. But Skwisgaar? HE GETS THE WORD! He says it on the cover of his book as well, "Toki the ABUSED guitarist." Toki feels more comfortable admitting that Skwisgaar abuses him than his own parents. (Though, Skwisgaar has done his fair share of being a dick to Toki, so some of it may very well be true and truly only toward Skwisgaar.)

I do think that a lot of the shit that Skwisgaar is getting from Toki in this episode is projection. In "Dethzazz", Toki is unable to tell Dr. Twinkletits that he was abused, but instead saying the opposite. He even puts the blame on himself for why he was punished.

"I was happy. I loved my lifes. But occasionallys, I woulds makes mistakes and has to be punisheds."

But, he does acknowledge bits and pieces of his abuse.

"What my parents didn't know is that I had a friends with me, a friends that listens to me and kepts me safe. As long as my friends was there, nobodys could hurts me."

Toki is going over the top because he wishes he could have done something similar to his parents because he is so angry. This episode is late in the series with multiple character's relationships breaking apart and reshaping. Toki has reached a climax with his relationship with Skwisgaar and the relationship with his anger toward his parents.

Toki and Age Regression

This part will be short, as most people are already aware that Toki drank to cope in "Deathrelease". I wanted to talk a little bit about Toki and age regression.

Toki is a canon age regressor, something that is very common amongst victims of CPTSD. From the first season to the movie, we witness Toki explore age regression in all forms and at all stages. He went from a person who just enjoyed his hobbies, that were seen as childish, to someone who needed a caregiver and extensive accessibilities to function. As the viewer, this makes complete sense.

After "Dethrelease", we do see Toki cope more and more with age regression in the show. The first and second season did not heavily show how Toki was age regressing, but when you come back after watching all of it, it is apparent that Toki is showing signs of constant age regression. From the posters and toys to the single occupant bed to his hobbies, Toki has always been age regressing to cope. It isn't until after "Dethrelease" does the audience truly begin to question if Toki just likes childish things as a stereotype or if it's a part of his character arch.

A few instances where it becomes clear that Toki is heading further into his coping mechanism is as follows:

"Fatherklok" - Toki yearns for a father figure.

"Dethzazz" - Toki needs Dr. Rockso to escape his "Punishment Hole" because he looks like the clown doll he had down there.

"Doublebookedklok" - Toki begins to hit others in order to get attention. He runs away with the band when Charles yells at him. He hugs Charles when Charles addresses him that he doesn't need to hit people, and that people like being around him and think he is very cool. Toki cries on his shoulder.

"Diversityklok" - Toki becomes angry when he keeps being left out of group activities, makes his own group in retaliation, and refuses to let Murderface in.

"Prankklok" - Toki is seen drawing and "coloring" in a child's coloring book when Murderface prank calls him.

"Writersklok" - Toki does not have a half-naked lady on his lap like the other members but instead a rabbit, which he is very excited about.

"Dethcamp" - Toki goes to camp to make friends because he feels lonely. The items he takes with him are child-like, Deaddy Bear, finger paints, coloring book, and "My Little Disemboweled Pony" lunchbox.

"Dethdinner" - Copes with Alcohol and excessive social media usage

"Breakupklok" - Toki plays with the paper weight while Murderface is trying to talk to him about running for congress.

It's at this point when we get to "Doomstar Requiem" that the audience really understands that Toki is regressing, but it isn't until "Army of the Doomstar" do we get a confirmation from Pickles in the church.

It can be inferred that Toki is slowly applying more and more regression coping mechanisms to combat the lingering anger and violence still within him.

If we wanted to, there is also a connection to be made about Toki spiraling into age regression and the song he sings in "Dethdad" about choosing to be a man and not a boy. Here, we see Toki choosing to be a boy, not a man. This is either a confrontation of toxic masculinity and the "get over it" mindset that Toki is suffering from not achieving,

OR

This is Toki being unable to be a man because he has unresolved anger toward his parents and remaining as a boy until he is able to safely confront it (Post-AOTD). Either way, it is interesting to see how the lyrics and Toki's character arch match up.

However, the coping mechanism can only go so far, as Toki has never been shown going to a therapist along side it. Toki has yet to confront the things his parents have done to him, and is only putting a band-aid on it.

Choosing Forgiveness

Despite all that we know about Toki, he remains good-natured. Which I think is ultimately crucial to his character. Toki would not be Toki if he was cruel, violent, or cold-hearted. The point of his character is to show cast stereotypes in the metal scene. Just because Toki can be childish and kind, it does not mean he can't also be metal and a prick.

Forgiveness from victims to abusers is a touchy subject, one that is personal and could only be done by the victim. No one else can make that decision. Toki makes that decision for himself every single day.

Toki chooses to forgive his bandmates.

Toki chooses to forgive his father.

Toki chooses to forgive his mother.

Toki chooses to forgive Magnus.

Toki chooses forgiveness over and over again, whether he says it or not.

And that, to me, shows that Toki is constantly "Breaking the Cycle". He does not want to be his father, but he knows that he has his father's looks and his anger. He also knows he has his own anger. But despite all that, Toki just wants people who love him, who listen to him, who keep him safe. Going back to Nathan in "Dethrelease", that is what Nathan encompasses when he is taking care of Toki during the fire. Toki has what he craves the most and he is going to work hard to never lose it.

Now, with the ending of the series, we do see Dethklok lose themselves and breaking away, especially Toki from the rest of the band as he sits with Magnus. But during "Doomstar Requiem", when Toki sings "I Believe", that's when he realizes that he's always had everything he's ever wanted right in front of him. In AOTD, that is when Nathan fully understands that all he needs, and what he needs to work on, is to be appreciative and never take for granted the "army" (fans) and his family (bandmates).

I do believe that post-series Toki will continue to work on his anger and repressed memories while Nathan learns to be open with his love toward his band, and openly show (and state) that he cares about them.

Conclusion

So, lets go back to the question.

"Does Toki see his father when he looks in the mirror?"

The answer: Yes, he does. But he also sees himself a lot more than he will ever see Aslaug. I've said it before, healing is not a linear journey. It is not easy and it is not cute. It is hard, grueling work. Toki is bound to relapse into fits of anger and cruelty as long as he lives. He is only human (+ something else?). But, with the ending of the show as it stands, Toki is on a much better path than he once was. He has a clear understanding of his role in the band, he is seen and appreciated by his bandmates, the others are learning how to better themselves, and the world is a better and safer place for him.

Toki will heal. He will sometimes see his father in the ways that he acts but he will also know that he does things his father would never do, like forgive and love. Those things will keep Toki grounded, along with his support system.

As it goes with his role in the prophecy and his "ancient animal form", those will unfortunately never change. CPTSD never goes away, and nether does the aftereffects. Toki will continue to live his life always having to fight this battle, and his animal form and his role will suffer from it.

Now, with Charles being in charge of the church, I do see him helping Toki and guiding him toward spiritual healing and acceptance. The hybrid is here to stay, so Toki must learn how to live with him. Same goes for his role in death. I feel that once Toki has a clear understanding that these things are just a part of him, and not because he is his father's son, he will begin to heal parts of himself that he thought were broken.

Toki is more than Aslaug's and Anja's son. He is more than just an abused child. He is more than the rabbit, the hybrid, or the messenger of death. He's more than the rhythm guitarist for Dethklok.

He is more than the reverend's son.

He is nothing like his father.

He is Toki Wartooth.

______________________________________________________________

If you want to add anything to the analysis, feel free too! I would love to read your thoughts!

[incendio22]

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 13: Snow Falling

October passes quickly. The castle seems to get colder and colder by the minute. Most students exchange their regular, white shirts for knitted sweaters. It's something beautiful about seeing all the Slytherin students in the common room, all wearing a Slytherin-green knit.

During my free period I decide to take a walk on the castle grounds. As I exit the castle I see massive, white snowflakes falling from the sky. The courtyard is already covered in a thin, yet beautiful, blanket of snow. In the distance I can see the owlery, looking colder than ever. I stand still and look around for a solid second before someone sneaks up on me and covers my eyes with their hands.

''Guess who?'' The familiar voice asks.

''Some first-year finding it exciting to interrupt my peaceful alonetime.'' I mutter back.

The hands drop down and I turn around to see Sebastian's face.

''For you, I can be anything.'' He says and gives me a charming smile. ''Although I find it rather suspicious that you would want me as a first-year. Maybe that's your type?''

''I never said I wanted a first-year.'' I mutter, slightly annoyed to have my moment of peace interrupted. ''I just assumed the only one who would pull a prank like that would be a first year.''

''I thought I'd surprise you with a little mystery. You looked so peaceful and from what I have seen and heard, your year hasn't been too eventful this year.''

I raise my eyebrows. For me, sneaking in the castle every night and finding a prophecy is quite eventful.

''Actually, that's not why I followed you.'' He admits and kicks his foot in the snow. His body language is nervous and I notice him scratching his hand.

''No?'' I ask him curiously. ''Well, go on.''

''Do you remember the night in the Undercroft in the beginning of the semester?'' He asks softly.

Of course I remember. Us playing wizard chess, arguing about what was a 'real Sebastian Sallow-date', me trying to tease him about the fact that I'm a better duelist. I nod at him and smile at the memory of that specific evening. He seems more relaxed now and he takes a deep breath before talking.

''Let me take you on a real Sebastian Sallow-date.'' He finally says. The butterflies in my stomach feel as if they are released and my face lights up in a massive smile.

''I don't fully recall, did these kind of dates include dark dungeons and fighting magical creatures?'' I ask with a grin on my face.

''Oh no. I don't know if you remember, but we decided that was a Y/n-date. Mine are way cozier than that.'' He says jokingly.

His hair and shoulders are covered in snow. For some reason, this seems to be just the finishing touch he needs as I have never seen him looking more attractive. I feel sparks of passion running through my entire body.

''However, since both of us seem have a thing for dark dungeons I suggest you set that up for our next date.'' He continues and smirks. ''Will you meet me at The Three Broomsticks tonight? At eight, perhaps?''

''It's a date.'' I reply and give him a smile. If he only knew that all I wanted to do was to wrap my arms around him and never have him leave my side.

I don't see Sebastian at dinner in the Great Hall, which surprises me. He is almost always sitting alone on one edge of the table with a book. But not tonight. After I finish dinner I start heading towards Hogsmeade. It's still snowing and the air is really cold tonight. There is a thick blanket of snow, covering the trees and the ground. My footsteps are light and I feel as if I'm walking on the butterflies that are constantly in my stomach.

I see him waiting outside with something in his hand. His face turns into a smile when I approach him.

''A little something for the new girl.'' He hands over a transparent bag filled with what looks like some tea and candies, all pink themed. I smile at him.

''You didn't have to.'' I admire the gift bag and feel like the most special girl in the world. ''But thank you. Really.''

''I got the tea from Madam Puddifoot's.'' He says. ''We can have it in the Undercroft later.''

''I'd love that.'' I smile at him. ''I've never been to Madam Puddifoot's.''

''Then I know where I'm taking you next.'' He says as he holds the door open for me.

Once again we choose a seat on the upper level. More privacy, Sebastian told me. I assume that is reasonable, given that the pub is filled with other students. However, I wouldn't mind letting everyone in the entire world know that I'm on an actual date with Sebastian Sallow.

''Merlin, it's like you cast some spell on yourself.'' He says after a while of silence. For some reason, the tension between us is a bit awkward. Sebastian seems nervous and I have never been on a date before. ''I can't take my eyes off you.''

I smile, yet feeling a bit uncomfortable. He is trying his best to make the most out of this date, but something makes it feel unnatural. I find him most intriguing when we are in our natural state, alone. For some reason I struggle to answer him.

''What's wrong?'' He asks and looks a bit disappointed.

''This feels weird.'' I admit and he nods in agreement.

The tension is forced and I don't understand how our chemistry can feel so off when I know for a fact that I am head over heels crazy about the man sitting in front of me.

''Okay, I have an idea.'' He says as he pours his entire fire whiskey down in one sweep. ''Maybe you were right, butterbeer is for friends. Let's go on an adventure. Finish your butterbeer quickly, you're going to need it. For courage.''

Now this tension is more what I'm used to when it comes to Sebastian. He gives me a fiery look and I finish my butterbeer quickly. When we pass the bar he orders two fire whiskeys and tells me that we're going to need even more. I laugh at him but decide to sweep the whiskey with him.

''I don't know what's best, just heading into the Forbidden Forest or finding some abandoned cave.'' He says in a low voice. ''You decide.''

''The Forbidden Forest is always tempting.'' I tell him.

''Right, as always.'' He says as he starts leading the way.

I feel a bit dizzy from how quickly the butterbeer and fire whiskey went down, but I also feel more alive than ever. The snow is creaking under our shoes and he grabs my hand as we're walking through the dark forest. In the far distance we hear screams. We keep moving up a mountain and see an astronomy table.

''The forest never stops surprising me.'' He says. ''Care to give it a go?''

''I doubt we'll be able to see much.'' I say with disappointment in my voice. ''But let's see.''

I use the astronomy table, but as I was suspecting the snow and fog is making it impossible to see any stars. Sebastian is walking around as if he's trying to figure out a way to make the stars appear. I sit on the table, the coldness of the stone making my entire body freezing. I lay back down, looking up at the sky and admiring its beauty even though I cannot see much. I'm just taken by how grand it is.

I sit back up and see Sebastian standing in front of me. His knees are almost touching mine. He gives me an intimidating look and squeezes his eyes slightly.

''Am I really boring you so much that you're falling asleep?'' He says in a daring tone.

''Oh no.'' I reply quickly. ''Just admiring the sky.''

He nods understandingly. He lays his hand on my thigh, gripping it firmly. I'm taken by surprise and need to gasp for some air. He removes his glove and puts his hand on my cheek and leans forward. We're face to face, his lips only a couple of centimetres away from mine. I almost struggle to breathe as he keeps stroking my cheek.

''Do you want to?'' He asks softly.

I nod, leaning even closer but his hand stops me. The hand on my thigh moves up to my hip and I feel as if I'm on fire.

''Tell me you want it.'' He says firmly, only his thumb separating our lips from each other.

I can feel the heat from his breath on my lips, driving me insane.

''I want you.'' I say in a low, breathy voice.

He pulls away his thumb from my lip, putting it back on my cheek. He leans in and allows our lips touch. I feel as if sparks are flying around us. Everything else ceases to exist and then and there, it is just the two of us locking lips. He opens his mouth and our tongues start intertwining, obviously hungry for more. It feels as if we're melting into one being and my body is telling me I want more. My hands on his back, his hands on my face and hip. I never wanted, or needed, anything more.

I don't know for how long we have been at the astronomy table, but in my mind we'll stay here forever. Just like this.

[hopeamarsu]

First Kill

Part of the Year of Themed Creation challenge by @yearofcreation2023

Dave York (can be seen as prequel to Dave York x ofc, but no official pairing)

Word count 706

Warnings Death, killing, suspense, therapy

Summary: The suits and ties he wears to work, while a good disguise, will never be him. And no therapy will ever fix and make him right, no matter how the government thinks it can. 

“Tell me about your first kill.”

It’s definitely not a question one should ask so bluntly, not with a voice so even and unaffected by the horrors that lurk inside his brain. But Dave guesses she’s seen and heard it all, her work in this hellhole a testament to her iron stomach in matters of death and gore. Still…

“No,” he gruffs out, focusing on the mild annoyance of the inseam of his pants pressing into his inner thigh. It’s not terribly uncomfortable but it’s not pleasant either; like an insect you can hear but cannot locate. You can swat and swat, but the buzzing remains the same until either you move or you manage to kill the little cretin by accident. He places a hand on the inseam, pressing his thick fingers into the expensive fabric in a vain attempt to change the feeling. His fingers twitch a little, his only tell that both the inseam and her question irritate him. 

On principle, Dave hates feeling like this, uncomfortable and irritated inside this room. It’s not just his skin that feels prickly over the inseam but her questioning and her curious eyes. He’s highly trained as an agent, a lethal machine that works best in the field and not behind a desk. The suits and ties he wears to work, while a good disguise, will never be him. And no therapy will ever fix and make him right, no matter how the government thinks it can. 

He is a killer. And killing is what he does best. 

He does not talk about his past or his feelings. No matter how pretty his therapist might be or how curious her eyes are. 

“Mr. York, need I remind you of the reasons why we are here?” Her voice rings in his ear, but he ignores her. He doesn’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to, Dave reminds himself. She doesn’t need to know about the blood, about the stench of death that he still carries over from that first mission.

She doesn’t need to know about his lack of guilt after his first kill. The elation and the hunger for more he has kept feeding like a rapid beast ever since. She might be versed in dealing with killers, but Dave is not your common nightmare. He’s the worst of the worst, a nightmare worthy of a name on its own. 

He’s death personified.  

“Mr. York?” She presses down, a damn bloodhound of a woman. Dave hates and admires the therapist at the same time. Her insistence on digging up the memories, finding out his past triumphs and failures is both aggravating and feeding his own ego at the same. The things he could tell her would be unlike anything she’s ever heard before.  

His ego snaps into play and Dave lets his upper lip curl slightly. If she really wants this, Dave can play the game better than her. 

Slowly, almost languidly, he settles back on his seat, his hand leaving the offending inseam and wrapping thick, calloused fingers around his covered knee. His legs fall open in a dominant way, a master knowing his place on top of this world. He looks at her, finding her waiting patiently. 

“You have clearance?” Another deflection, but usually effective. His brown eyes rise to meet her heart-shaped face challengingly. One of her eyebrows raises delicately, a challenge of her own to meet his. “What do you think, Mr. York?” Her eyes say what she doesn’t; Dave should know the answer already. They sparkle with the hint of lightning, of steel that cannot be bent on this. She has him where she wants him but so does he. 

He lets his eyes rake up and down her body visibly, appreciating the curves on display before tapping his finger to his clean chin. A predator intent on playing with his prey before he swoops in for the deathly blow. His eyes fall close for a moment before he fixes his penetrating gaze on her and smirks a little, his smile cold and menacing. Dave knows just the words to ensure this line of questioning will not go any further. “My first kill was my commanding officer.”

Game, set, match.  

[tierra-paldeana]

( ge.eta-related fun facts! )

// okay, here comes a ge.eta-related infodump-

as someone from spain, i need to say that ge.eta isn't really south asian/indian, but ca.lé (iberian, and especially spanish, ro.mani). i am aware that ro.mani people in general have been suggested to have originated in india though, which explains this widespread belief in the fandom i guess?, and if true would mean it isn't 100% incorrect (i thought it was outright confirmed but apparently it's still debated? apologies if i'm wrong on that front), but there's plenty of proof in her design, team set-up and even her battle theme to demonstrate that she's cal.é/rom.ani

(as a disclaimer, while i am not ca.lé myself, i am from spain and live in an area widely populated by ca.lé people, so i am just giving my two cents, as ca.lé people have influenced and created very representative parts of our culture as a whole, and should be talked about more often!):

her battle theme features instruments and cadences that are common in flamenco (spanish guitar) and pasodoble (trumpets), with flamenco being a spanish music genre which has been agreed upon was created by the andalusian ca.lé, and pasodoble being also a music genre that's prominently featured in bullfighting, whose origins aren't all very clear, but is agreed to have both spanish and french origins (which ties into things that are discussed below). while i'm not super familiar with the french side of things, chunks of her theme are also extremely reminiscent of music featured in the kalos games.

design wise, she follows the very common artistic representation, from her beautifully thick eyebrows to the golden accents in her clothes and bits in her parted pitch black hair and even in her eyes - golden accessories, especially worn around the neck, are a symbol of high status and wealth in ca.lé society, tying nicely into her champion position.

most ca.lé people live in spain, with smaller populations in portugal and southern france, and this is mirrored in her Pokémon team, with Pokémon first introduced in paldea (espathra, glimmora, kingambit, veluza) and kalos (gogoat, avalugg + chesnaught in the DLC). espathra being in her team and being based on an ostrich and on cleopatra could also be a nod to the (very erroneous, mind you) belief that ro.mani people originated from egypt.

her english and spanish names, gee.ta and ságita, both reference the scientific name of the threeleaf arrowhead (Sa(gitta)ria trifolia), as well as sound very similar to the spanish exonym used by payos (non-calé) to refer to the ro.mani, gitan.o. sagitta comes from latin (meaning 'arrow'), which imo lends itself into the zodiac constellation Sagittarius, referencing ties rom.ani/ca.lé people have to fortune-telling, seen as an exclusively female profession in their culture.

there's probably other things that i'm missing or have forgotten, but those were the ones that stood out to me the most- from the moment i saw her in the first trailers, she struck me as super familiar in vibes, and after a bit of both digging and consideration, i feel super happy to see such nice ca.lé representation in a pokémon game based on the iberian peninsula, my homeland!

while doing research for this, i learned that the exonym used to refer to romani people in english and the one in spanish come from the same erroneous belief that they came from egypt. in english, said exonym can be and is often viewed by english-speaking ro.mani people as offensive, but the spanish equivalent isn't really seen that way where i live, which is why i use the spanish one but not the english one! just wanted to clarify-

[ennaku-sirri-da]

Rose hip November, autumn I'll remember

Gold landing at our door, catch one leaf and fortune will surround you

Evermore

Evermore

Evermore

[ ID: Traditional art colored digitally of Kamal Bora and Dr.Habit as kids from Smile For Me the game.

In the artists interpretation Kamal as a kid is much shorter than Habit. He has short straight hair and thick eyebrows. He wears a special new dress this time. He is seen in two circular gold earrings, a necklace with bells, and a slightly puffy dark purple space-themed frock with planets, stars, suns, moons and galaxies. It sports a pale ribbon at the mid stomach area.

Here Habit is a really tall kid. He has a thick build. He has a muppet-like appearance with yellow-greenish fur, very long rose-pink curly hair in two tones, pink blushing cheek patches with three freckles, ears stuffed with cotton fluff , deep red nails. The palms of his hands are coated with cotton and have a few stitches. His eyes are yellow, indicating happiness, circled below by red ruffles and have some pale purple eyeshadow. He wears a teal buttoned shirt with wavy darker pants that have yet darker stripes on them. Basically it's Kamal’s outfit from the game. Both of them are barefoot.

Kamal poses dramatically best as he can atop a tree trunk. He keeps a hand behind his head, juts the other out, one foot slightly bending outward. He makes some kind of awkward duck face, cheeks rosy. The tree trunk is in shades of yellow, green and brown with slightly rigid looking swirls engraved on it. The very top has more fluid swirls in a ring form. A number of fungi like bready-colored ones with caps, smaller greyish white ones with stringy structures descending from their caps, white bracket fungi with brown accents grow on and around the trunk and even from inside its cracks. Much moss also accompanies them. A few of the trunks leaves and branches also sprout up tall.

Beneath the trunk's sprawling roots there is a cover of lush green grass and small long-stemmed yellow flowers with brown centers, a scattering of some bready mushrooms too. Near it is Habit. He jumps and claps for Kamal's show, butter-yellow eyes sparkling with his wide smile.

Behind them is a tree in much the same shades as the trunk, thin with different patterns of lines drawn on its patchy-colored appearance. Each patch has its own pattern, some repeated. Like diamonds, ovals, short wavy lines. Numerous autumn-hued leaves with many points hang in vivid shades, but green appears too. It is a transition period between summer and autumn. Common wood pigeons perch the trees. Some sleep, some eat, some spread their wings, some sit, some puff up. Some bushes represented by bouncy shapes are seen in the BG.

There is a very warm-toned filter over the whole thing making it appear deeply colored in a honeyed way. The second piece doesn't have this filter. All colors used in both are mostly harmonious with each other. End ID]

---Talk below the cut as always!

YEAH this took a W H I L E

Another piece in the Roseverse AU for their halcyon days!!!

I'm really proud of the unlined look in this one. It's certainly a shitton more effort to put in ( half a MONTH )but the process AND product are both very worth it. I remember being really chilled and relaxed making this. I guess sometimes my hardassery to detail works out pretty good!

There are like a thousand little colors in this and I hope they speak for me more than I possibly can. You know, this was made not that long ago but since I've taken a step back from focusing solely on S4M things and have gotten into OCs due to unavoidable circumstances, its still really really sweet and good to remember. It feels like I AM there, reminiscing with those two old guys, heh heh.

My friend said it'd be silly but they'd like it if Kamal and Habit went back to this same place when they're grown and the trunks still there and I said HELL YEA this is ROSEVERSE where magic REAL bro

Habit still thinks Kamal looks like the stars in a dress.

I think when this actually happened Kamal would be really shy at first but Habby's a great hype man so his posing starts escalating HSHJSJDJS

Catch baby if he falls!!😤( huffing emoji )

[xxprettylittletimebombxx]

heyyy bestie asking these anon coz im shy but 🛒 🤗 🤲 love ur writing btw &excited for the big bang fic!

That’s okay! Thank you for asking and thanks for the kind words!! 💕

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

HANDS (lol). No but in all seriousness I think just focusing on smaller moments is something that comes up a lot in my fics. Sometimes that’s the light touch of fingertips accidentally grazing, or sometimes it’s prolonged eye contact. Breathlessness at the expense of another person too is something I tend to play with A LOT!

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Go with the idea that you’re the most excited about— that’s really going to drive you to keep writing even if you don’t see a lot of engagement on your stuff at first. And to that point, high engagement is not indicative of how good or bad your fic is so try not to get too swept up in ao3 stats or comparing your ao3 stats to others.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?In an embarrassing twist of events most of the WIPs I have started are smutty 🫣 I know smut isn’t everyone’s cup of tea though so instead, here’s a coffee shop au that I think I started for Jukebox Appreciation Week but never finished! (Under the cut though because it’s a bit lengthy!)

send me Fanfic Writer Emoji Asks!

(For some added context: I initially envisioned this as a coffee shop au where Julie gets a job at the same shop Luke and the guys work at. Luke ends up being assigned to train Julie on bar so they bond over that but the ball really gets rolling when Julie finds herself without a duet partner for the big winter showcase at school and Luke steps in and volunteers to help. Okay I think that’s all you need to know— please enjoy!!)

“Alex, take over for me,” Luke says impulsively.

Alex looks like he’s about to protest. Luke knows he tends to avoid the register during the late morning rush, but he follows Luke’s line of sight as he tracks Julie’s form as she rushes past the the bar, offering a halfhearted hello to Willie, who’s elbow deep in soap suds at the back sink, before she ducks back into the warehouse.

“‘Yeah, okay, go,” Alex says finally.

“We got you, buddy,” Reggie assures him from his spot at the bar, using his free arm to give Luke’s ribs an encouraging nudge. “You know...there was a chocolate croissant left in the pastry case last I checked,” he adds casually.

“Thanks, man— I owe you,” Luke says gratefully, making quick work of plating up the pastry in question before heading out.

He makes a pitstop at the coffee lab, making use of the toaster oven before he begins his search. It doesn’t take long to find her tucked away on the old couch someone, at some point, had tucked under one of the many steel pallet racks that line the coffee shop warehouse. And despite scuffing his shoe on the smooth concrete floor, she still looks startled when Luke sets the plated croissant on the table in front of her and slides it toward her.

“But...I didn’t order anything,” Julie remarks in confusion.

“On the house,” Luke grins before adding, “And freshly toasted.”

“Thanks,” she whispers, picking the plate up and balancing it on one knee.

“Can I…?” He asks, gesturing toward the opposite end of the couch.

“Sure.”

The silence is thick around them as Luke takes a seat beside her, his right knee bouncing restlessly as he deliberates over how to proceed. What little rationality is still left in his brain is screaming at him to abort, but he knows he’s not going to do that. Especially not after he catches sight of the way Julie’s worrying her bottom lip between her teeth while she picks halfheartedly at one corner of the chocolate croissant he’d just brought her.

“You good, Boss?” He asks carefully.

“Yeah. Fine.” Julie answers, with a bit too much lightness to be believable.

Luke doesn't press it, but he quirks an eyebrow up at her when she chances a glance at them and their eyes lock.

“Not really," she concedes through a heavy sigh.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Luke waits with bated breath for Julie to hit back with some sort of quip about respecting boundaries, but by some miracle, he must have played his cards right. Instead, Julie launches into a rant about some tool in her music program named Nick who flaked on their midterm project to work with some other girl.

“And Carrie’s like…well, she’s Carrie Wilson,” Julie rambles on. “And I’m…not.”

“You’re right. You aren’t anything like her,” Luke agrees. “But you’re Julie fucking Molina! You’re like a human wrecking ball, and you’re worth ten Carrie Wilsons any day.”

She turns away, the corners of her lips turn up in the barest hint of a smile.

“That’s sweet of you to say but I’m not sure you’re the best person to pass judgement here. You haven’t even heard me sing— I could be awful—“

“You’re not!” Luke interjects.

It’s quick enough to raise some suspicions in the girl sitting next to him, and when Julie quirks a questioning eyebrow up in his direction, Luke realizes the jig is up.

“I…may or may not have heard you singing in the walk-in while you were putting the milk away?” He confesses. “And— don’t be mad— but I…may or may not have gone home that night and spent a little too much time scrolling through every video you have up of you playing on your Instagram.”

“All that time spent doom scrolling through my profile and you couldn’t even bother to double tap on any of those videos? Luke, I’m hurt.”

“In my defense, I didn’t want you to think I your new co-worker was some crazy internet stalker.”

“Too late now— you’ve outed yourself as my number one fan,” Julie giggles.

She gets lost in her thoughts when her laugh fizzles out, and when a crease of worry materializes between her brows, it takes everything Luke has not to reach over and try to smooth it out in an effort to take that worry away.

He settles for reaching out and giving her wrist a comforting squeeze.

“Hey, I’m serious Julie. Screw that guy— you don’t even need him.”

“Maybe you’re right but…well, it would’ve been nice to have a partner again,” she muses. “I haven’t written with anyone since my mom died. I guess I just thought it might be nice to try again.”

[h-awke-a]

*H-AWKE a violet hawke of da2. canon divergent and primarily headcanon based but roughly follows the game plot. low activity and mutuals only. written by charlie (she/they, 27+, white, us). muse bio and rules brief below the cut. affiliated w/ ryan's bethany. explore: sideblog, pinterest

*RULES BRIEF please do not use heavy additional spacing between words / characters or gradient-coloured text when writing with me. in general, heavy formatting is hard for me to read. blog is exclusively 21+. all triggers are tagged with #trigger cw and i try to be diligent in tagging everything. i do sometimes write non-explicit smut but it's very rare and will always be tagged. please note that theo's backstory and arcs contain frequent mentions of his emotionally abusive mother and the loss of his father and siblings. i will not exploit these themes, but they will be mentioned / discussed, but always tagged. minors will be hard blocked. mutuals only, all mutuals are welcome / invited to im me or ask for discord. if i don’t like you / the things you post, i will soft / hard block as i see fit. to see examples of my writing before following, feel free to browse my ic writing tag

*MAINS & AFFILIATES affiliated with (and exclusive to) ryan's bethany, more tba

*CHARACTER BASICS   theo hawke (often called just hawke by his friends/associates, sometimes called tay by his sister), cis, he/him, bi with a slight preference for feminine presenting people, born in 9:7 in denerim to the runaway noblewoman leandra amell and her apostate lover malcolm hawke, raised in denerim where he attended the free chantry school for city children from ages 8 to 12 until the labour of caring for his twin siblings and helping support the family required him to quit school and begin work (as was common for lower class children in denerim, especially eldest children), moves with his family to the remote village of lothering at the age of sixteen when his younger sister's magick begins to manifest in order to conceal her and their apostate father from templar detection, becomes the family's primary earner when their father disappears abruptly a year and a half later, leaning into illegal work on top of farm work that he conceals from his mother in order to make enough for their survival and the hope of one day lifting them out of poverty, works primarily as a smuggler and hired knife on top of his front work as a ranch hand until the fifth blight begins and lothering is destroyed by the horde, forcing the family to flee as refugees to their mother's home city of kirkwall, a journey on which theo's younger brother is killed, theo turns 23 sleeping on the docks of the gallows until he and his sister are able to buy a way into the city by being indentured by their uncle to the smuggler athenril, for whom they work without pay for a year in order to repay their family's debts

*APPEARANCE fc danny ramirez, older fc gabriel luna, theo is 6'1 and strong-shouldered, muscular but soft and thick though not quite bulky, his hair is thick and dark, shiny and curly, he grows hardly any beard at all apart from a decent mustache and dusting along his jawline and a thicker thatch at his chin, his body hair is a similar sort of dusting, he has very dark and expressive brown eyes, soft and concerned in shape, laughing and sweet, his good looks are ever-boyish in quality, his handsomeness is not rugged or hard but that of a younger man in feeling even as his hair begins to go silver at the temples and his eyes and forehead grow lined with age, he has smooth, even skin that spots with age and sun and is dotted here and there with small, dark moles, thick, straight eyebrows, a strong jaw, pleasant mouth, and a long, strong, straight nose that is visibly crooked at the humped bridge from a break in his teenage years

*NOTABLE QUALITIES purple & blue, funny, a little immature, sweet and accommodating, genuine but avoidant, especially of confronting his own needs / unprocessed emotions, a pleaser, your ride or die, charming and sly when he's on his feet so to speak but can be awkward and stumbling when knocked off them, ultimately internally unsure of his worth, slightly insecure about his lack of education, projects a pride in his place and his role that is partly genuine and partly a defense mechanism, much like his humor and nonchalance, shrewd, laid back, and extremely capable of retaining and projecting calm in high stakes situations, deeply intertwined with his sister emotionally and though he would not label himself a mage sympathizer necessarily (he takes people case by case) he does have strong anti-templar prejudice and deep mistrust for people in positions of authority overall, he's an underdog who habitually sides with other underdogs even in the face of their.. questionable methods

*SKILLS    highly skilled and athletic dual-wield rogue assassin w/ scoundrel & infiltrator talents, can or charm talk his way out of (almost) anything, excellent at dealing with (most) people, deeply emotionally intuitive with strong gut instinct about people and situations, deeply and doggedly loyal to his family (which includes his friends) to the point of self-detriment, lovable, and emotionally gentle, ultimately he is there for you, for better or for worse, no matter what, and his simple surety in this tends to make people feel safe w/ him

[sabineelectricheart]

Father Christmas Concerns

Summary: Aurora sneaks into Freddie’s room. She has had a weirdly thematic nightmare, and her boyfriend eases her worries.

Rating: K+ - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes.

Words: 1100

Notes: I have some insane nightmares, for the weirdest reasons. The inconscient is one curious thing.

"Freddie? Honey, are you awake?" Aurora whisper from the hallway.

The door to his dorm at the boys’ aisle was only slightly ajar, not even giving her enough space to look through the crack. All other pupils in the hallway slept with their doors shut, but her boyfriend always slept with the door ajar. It is a habit he brought from home, in which he would worry if he felt he could not listen to his siblings call for him if he needed to.

Therefore, she could not see whether Freddie is actually asleep. She does not want to push it open if he is actually resting, because the squealing hinges would certainly wake him up, and she would not want to bother him after a long day of winter exams.

"Aurora? 'S that you?" An unsure voice responded, thick with sleep and confusion.

"Yeah, it's me." The girl whispers, being careful not to rise her voice and disturb the other students in the hall. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"Don’t worry about that. I was awake already." Freddie replied, hoping to assuage his girlfriend’s concerns. "You can come in if you want."

Aurora hummed in response, gently pushing the large door open wide enough for her to slip through. Thankfully the hinges did not squeal like she thought they would. It used to make a terrible noise which was bothersome even during the day, but Karson must have come around to fix that at some point.

"Are you feeling unwell?" Her boyfriend asked once she had pushed the door closed behind her.

"No, I am fine, I just had a nightmare." She murmurs in response.

Freddie sits up in his bed, squinting at her through the darkness and his lack of glasses. His copper hair was messy and he had to keep forcing it up from his eyes so he could get a decent look at here.

"Come, lay down here." He simply whispered, shuffling backwards so that there was enough room in his bed for her.

Aurora does not have to be told twice. She instantly tip-toed across the cold wooden floorboards towards him, gladly sliding under the heavy covers next to him.

"It's warm in here. It’s nice." The girl sighs contentedly, nestling into the soft pillow.

He chuckled happily, inching ever so slightly closer to her. "You are welcome."

The pair of teens are lying next to one another, facing each other and waiting for the other to say something. The silence was calm and comfortable, and they feel the weight of the sleep upon their eyebrows.

"You had a nightmare, right?" He asked, prompting the noble girl to start trying to recall what happened in that dream.

"Yeah." Aurora replies softly. "I remember Father Christmas being in there at some point."

In the low light, she could see Freddie's eyebrows furrow in confusion. He is not alone in his bafflement.

"So, I’m assuming that it had something to do with Christmas." He whispers.

"I suppose so. I can't remember much about it to be honest." The girl shrugs, noncommittally. “I think I am worried about the winter vacations.”

“Why is that?” The redhead boy asks.

“Well…” She lets out a shaky breath. “Things are strange, Freddie. It’s not all bad, and I’m trying to get used to it all, but I’m worried about what is waiting for me back at the capital. I fear my parents have managed to get in even more trouble, or what this new situation means for my life in the city.”

He listens quietly and then reflect on what his girlfriend said.

“I can’t say I truly understand what you’re going through. I’m a commoner, I’ve always been and probably will always be. However, luxury is a habit easy to grow accustomed to and hard to quit, and I always feel some pain when I return home from Galatin, despite being, y’know, home.” He ponders, calmly. “You are still alive, and your parents are still alive. Things are getting better already, aren’t they?”

She hummed and nodded.

“See? It’s a bit harder now, but the worse has already passed. You’ll get your footing back soon and everything will be alright.” He smiled kindly. “Besides, no matter where your parents are staying, you won’t be more than a cable car trip away from me. If things turn sour with them, my doors are always open.”

Aurora kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Not knowing what else to say, she moves a little closer to Freddie, close enough to rest a hand on his chest. She felt the steady beating of his heart under her hand as he relaxed under her touch.

An arm of his suddenly wrapped around her waist, gently tugging she against his lean body. Her head fell to his chest, and his chin rested atop her head. She felt safe whilst laying there in his arms.

The hand that slowly ran up and down her back was warm, warmer than the sheets that she now lay in.

"I think that Father Christmas was eating an elf." Aurora giggles, recalling the moment of the dream that woke her up.

"He was doing what?!" Freddie exclaimed, chuckling softly when he felt she laughing against him.

"It was so weird." The girl murmurs, her language beginning to muddle and her pitch lowers.

She feels herself drift closer to sleep. With his familiar scent enveloping her, it was hard not to fall into unconsciousness.

The boy chuckles, rather incredulous. "Yeah, I bet it was."

Aurora opened her mouth to reply again, but a large yawn was the only thing that managed to pass through her lips.

"You should go to sleep, sweetheart. You’re too tired, and we’ll have a busy day tomorrow." Freddie said, squeezing her ever so slightly to punctuate his words.

"But I want to carry on talking to you!" She groans back, letting a hand wander up his body to the nape of his neck.

She fiddled with the soft copper strands of hair that laid there. He shudders slightly from the contact with her cold hand.

"I'll be here when you wake up, I promise." He replies, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. “Then, we’ll have breakfast and board the train home. We’ll be together all the way there, so much so you’ll tire of me for the whole holiday.”

"No, I won’t." She hums, nestling her face into his chest. “I love you, silly.”

Freddie smiles brightly. “I love you, too.”

No more nightmares plagued the pair of them for the whole night.

*_*_*_*_*

Crème de la Crème Masterlist

[aajjks]

The Conqueror (XIV)

Synopsis: He had conquered everything, anything but your heart.

Pairings: Yandere!King Jungkook x Commoner!servant Reader (FT Jaehyun from NCT and Cha Eunwoo From ASTRO.)

warnings: YANDERE, DARK THEMES, EXTREME YANDERE BEHAVIOUR, cr*zy!jungkook, mentions of ill**ss, bl**d etc… haha be warned, viewer discretion is advised!

note. AN UPDATE WOHOOO. Almost after a month omg… SORRY… this is a really juicy chapter I must say… y/n… poor you. SHARE FEEDBACK! ENJOY!

not edited

series masterlist.

taglist: @mageprincess7 @starsggukk @sprinkleoftee @koremis @minshookie29 @sana-b @bangtannoonalvg @oonaaurora @jeonsweetpea @sugaslittlekookies @outro-kook @kthyg @lunaashes @debicaptain-saturn @laurynne5 @captainsjoongs @myblackconfessions @lanalanexpjm @namjooncrabs @shadowmoon21 @kookunot @natalie-rdr @angelicasdre @iwasfuckinginnocentonce @mermaidtea @foulnightharmony @ungodlyjoon @quechulitaaa @telepathytae @silversparkles11 @j3alous-ang3l @bunzom @1-in-abillion @breadgeniedope @jiminie-08 @artgukkx @lovesthetword @bunijmin @pinkcherrybombs @afangirllikeme-blog @twilight-love-nochu-main @wedarkacademia @hollxe1 @bighitfics @darkuni63 @golden-thv @investedreader @sweetempathprunetree @koocreampie (I can’t tag anymore people, it’s full 😭😭)

Today was a day that indicated a big storm was coming,

As you and Jaehyun were sitting in his stable, the windy weather sent shivers down your body, making goosebumps on your skin visible, your tied up hair threatened to blow along the wind.

It was supposed to be a nice weather since gagyeong was always a hot village but you couldn’t bring yourself to enjoy it.

“Y/N? I think there is a storm coming…” Jaehyun changed the topic of your discussion as he sighed and you shivered helplessly despite wearing the thick woven clothes. Your gaze was focused on your trembling hands.

A habit of yours when you were anxious.

Your heart felt uneasy today, you looked up from your hands to Jaehyun, a small smile taking over your lips.

But it didn’t reach your eyes. “Me too… Yoon-ho… me too.” You whisper, your eyes set on the man who sat beside you. The words came out of mouth so easily.

Your heart thumped as you but your lower lip, Jaehyun’s eyebrow raised as he looked at you.

He must’ve sensed your anxiety as his hand gripped yours, as if to comfort you.

That sudden touch sent shivers down your spine. “Y/N… I know you’ve always been scared of these storms… but don’t worry I’ll always protect you.” Jaehyun’s tone was gentle, his hand felt so warm on yours,

But still his words didn’t comfort the building dread in your stomach.

They only made you more anxious, “I-I feel like something really bad is about to happen…” you couldn’t help but try to shake the feeling off. You looked at jaehyun and the look of so much love in his eyes made your heart swell. “You were always scared of thunderstorms Y/N… but you’re okay now, I’m with you.” He smiled, his dimples popping out, making you smile in return.

But again it didn’t quite reach your scared eyes.

“Come on, it’s time we get inside… it’s about to rain! I’ll make my special tea for you!” Jehyun giggled, winking at you, maybe he was trying to distract you. taking your hand in his, you let him.

Your mind was too distracted anyways, Jungkook’s face was all you could see whenever you closed your eyes.

And you didn’t even know why, you’d left him forever right? He won’t be able to find you.

You were dead to him after all, right?

Jungkook’s body was wreathing with excitement as he walked inside his dungeons, his steps sounded heavy as they connected with the rough floor. A huge smile was on the young cruel king's face as his tall figure walked past the many many prisoners held captive in those dark small rooms.

Jungkook couldn’t care less about anything except for one.

And that he was, he was almost very close to having you back, Jungkook’s fist clenched the thought of his being forced to spend so many days without your warmth. How could you do this to him?

Did you really hate him that much? What was his crime? Killing those people off…? Jungkook didn’t regret that. Your father was planning to marry you off to someone else.

“Welcome, my liege…” Jungkook was snapped out of his thoughts as one of the prison guards greeted him. Jungkook’s eyes snapped to look at the bowing figure. “Did the old man speak?” Jungkook’s voice came out curt and cold, as he crossed his hands on his chest. He watched the man nod in disagreement. “Unfortunately not yet, your majesty… but I assure you- no. I’ll personally make him speak.” Jungkook cut the guard off, and signaled him to open the dungeon.

The creaking sound of the metal door almost made the King cringe. “I shall be left alone.” Once Jungkook entered the dirty cell, he commanded, his eyes set on the old bloody man who was coughing repeatedly.

Jungkook smirked. “Greetings.” He spoke in a normal tone, but only silence was met with him.

Jungkook leaned down towards the old man as he sat on one knee. “You will tell me everything I want to know, Mr Jeong, unless you want to die.” He whispered, the old man shivered in response as he kept on coughing harshly.

Pregnant silence was broken away but the violent coughing.

But Jungkook didn’t care, his patience was starting to wear thin.

He was starting to lose himself.

“Yoon-Ho? Can I ask you something?” You spoke to the man who was busy boiling water. His figure completely focused on the steaming water as he nodded at you.

“Where is Samchon Jeong?” Your voice was gentle but worried, you focused on the way your childhood friend froze still at your question. His face stiffened as his movements stopped.

What was going on, all of this was beginning to confuse you.

It has been almost a week since you’d escaped that mad king.

Jaehyun was there for you, he protected you and he took care of you, but where was your uncle? You hadn’t seen his father one time.

That was concerning.

“Y/N…” he called your name out in a breathy manner as he put the wooden utensil down, he looked up to look at you who sat right in front of him, you hummed at him.

But as soon as your eyes met, your heart broke.

The man that stood right in front of you was crying. “I-I don’t know where my father is Y/N!!?” He softly muttered, you could barely hear him. “Th-The truth is that the day I found you… I was looking for my father who has been lost for so many days…. I was in severe depression after you- I thought you were dead Y/N… I was so somber that night that I hadn’t realised… I had walked near the end busan. B-But when I found you… I forgot about my lost father… fuck… how could I be so careless Y/N…”

Your eyes widened in shock at Jaehyun’s confession, the worried expression on his face made your nerves rise.

“I don’t know where he is Y/N… I-I am so scared… father is battling an illness Y/N.. I-I don’t know what to d-do!”

He cried, as shivers went down your spine. You didn’t have a good feeling about this.

“W-We have to find him, Jae!”

Jungkook carefully walked out of the dark cell, his steps were light but his heart was bouncing in his chest as he made his way out.

“Chan-Sung… kill this old man. Now he’s useless for us.” He smiled so much that his jaw was beginning to hurt. His eyes firmly set on the guard as he nodded.

Not daring to object.

“And get ready. We’re going to Gagyeong… to get my Y/N Back. Make the necessary preparations!”

It was the last thing the King said as he walked out of the dungeons. His heart was going crazy, his mind was set on only one thing.

And that was having you back, by any means necessary.

“Prepare my horse. I’ll be leaving right now.”

You couldn’t escape him now, he’d make sure of it.

“I’m coming for you, my queen.”

[myriadof-fandoms]

harringrove week - day 4 - making up horrors

prompt: technically a quote by shirley jackson that i took as inspo to go batshit insane about horror lit

or: billy has my taste in books. domestic fluff (they have kids in this)

ao3

It’s early on in their time living together when Steve notices it for the first time. There have always been stacks of books on Billy’s bedside table, even when he was just staying over for a little while he never seemed to arrive with less than at least two books. Only now Steve is properly looking and finally sees a common theme. 

“Do you read anything that’s not horror?” He asks when Billy comes in from the bathroom, just one of their fancy, fluffy towels that were a gift from Steve's mother wrapped around his waist. His curls are still dripping, clinging onto his upper back and shoulders. Steve is obsessed with watching how it's slowly growing down Billy’s back. 

“Yeah, I read thrillers too,” Billy says dead serious, only a little twitch around his mouth betraying him.

“Very funny, Hargrove,” Steve scoffs, trying not to blush.

Billy sits at the end of the bed by Steve’s feet and starts rubbing his hair dry with another towel before he properly begins to answer.

“For the most part, yeah. I like horror and thrillers and everything that’s gothic literature. The fucked up the better, really.”

Steve’s eyebrows draw together at that, even if Billy himself is laughing it off. 

“But- isn’t it, like, scary?”

Billy looks up at him through those thick lashes of his, “Now you just want me to make fun of you, don’t you?”

Steve pouts, “I’m serious.”

Billy laughs at him for a moment before he actually answers. 

“Yeah, it’s scary. Sometimes, that is. Most of the time it’s just, well, a book. Nothing that can actually harm, you know? It’s just words. Sure, they can scare me a little, if it’s really well written, and that’s fun in its own way but,” While he speaks he leans over Steve’s stretched out legs to reach his own side of the bed and stretches until his fingertips reach the topmost book on his nightstand. When he sits back up straight, he starts thumbing through the pages while continuing, “Even when Miss Jackson writes about a haunted house incredibly well that haunted house can’t do shit to me. I can close the book and the horrors are gone.”

Steve hums and looks at the way Billy’s still running his hands over the book, sometimes he stops at a page and runs his fingers over the words. 

There’s something there that’s unsaid, directly under the surface. The books are safe to Billy, safer than his home ever was.

Steve sits up and scoots behind Billy until he can wrap around him entirely. He crosses his legs around Billy’s waist and his arms close around his torso to pull him close against his chest while he rests his chin on his partner's shoulder and quickly presses a kiss against his cheek. Billy lets one hand drop to Steve’s legs in his lap and rubs up and down the sweatpant covered skin while the other continues to hold the book. 

“So it’s like an escape sort of thing?”

“I guess,” Billy shrugs. “It’s also nice to be reminded that there are more fucked up people out there, I don’t know.”

They’ve been at this point a lot. Billy still has trouble seeing himself as anything that’s not a monster or worthless. Steve doesn’t mind reminding him that’s not the case. Though right now it feels more explanatory, not like something that’s been actively on Billy’s mind. Steve still kisses his shoulder and nuzzles impossibly closer. It makes Billy laugh a little. 

“I do like the scary part too, like King. Though really, especially the classic gothic novels aren’t even scary, not exactly. Just fucked up. Like Wuthering Heights or Dorian Gray.”

“Nerd,” Steve can’t help but whisper. The responding laugh bursts out of Billy, shaking his torso and vibrating against Steve’s chest. 

“Get fucked, Harrington.”

“Later. If you ask nicely.” 

Billy’s hand squeezes his leg and he lowly chuckles again.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, a lot of the books aren’t even scary but the ones that are are just sort of exciting. Almost like being on a rollercoaster.”

Steve hums again, he doesn’t get it entirely but it sounds reasonable enough. He reaches down and traces the title of the book in Billy’s hand. “What’s this one about? You said a haunted house?”

“Yeah,” Billy begins. “It’s this house in the middle of a bunch of hills-”

---

Sometimes Billy will read him something so Steve falls asleep easier. Billy's voice is the best cure against his insomnia he's found.

It did take a while to get used to the concept of "bedtime story" meaning gore, murder and psychopaths.

Billy will always just pick up the book he's reading at the time and start wherever he left off, leaving Steve to just follow the sound of his voice and focus on his breathing. 

To his own terror after multiple reads of the books Steve had picked up a fondness for Thomas Harris' books. There’s something strangely addictive to the story of a cannibalistic psychiatrist and the FBI agents that depend on him to stop other killers. Both he and Billy are incredibly fond of the character of Clarice Starling too. When the movie came out they’d bullied basically everyone they knew to see it too. It remains one of their favorites to watch. Now, they both can’t wait for the newest book to come out. They’ve been waiting for Hannibal long enough really. It already has a designated place in their library and Steve needs to know how the story will continue.

When they moved into an actual house they never even properly made the decision to have a library. There was just one room that didn’t have a proper purpose yet, squished in between their bedroom and a guest bedroom, and Billy’s books wouldn’t ever all fit in the living room, not with both their records and Steve’s VHS collection. 

So the library came together, mismatched shelves and a ratty little two seater with an armchair, and so many books. 

The gothic and horror books were joined by crime and even the occasional fantasy novel (most of those presents by Dustin.) Billy keeps them all organized but Steve’s never tried to understand his system. The only thing Steve knows for sure is that Billy keeps the books about Hannibal Lecter on a shelf directly across the door so he can find them easily. They’re supported by a framed picture of the two of them at Billy’s graduation. 

They both spend a lot of time in the room but Steve just enjoys being in a space that is really mostly Billy’s. He picked the calm green color for the wall and he arranged the shelves and he’s the one who adds and adds evermore books. 

When Steve enters the room he hurries over the cool wood to the worn down carpet that’s in front of the shelves because their cat Nikki likes to lay in the sun there. He grabs Silence of the Lambs and hurries back over the cold floor towards their bedroom. 

When Billy sees him and the book he’s holding he groans, “No.”

“Yes.”

Steve steps over the sleeping cat in the middle of the room and makes his way towards his place in Billy’s tattooed arms. 

“C’mon, we’ve gotta reread them before the new one comes out,” Steve drops the book on Billy’s chest and then settles next to it. “I’ve let you read me books about goddamn killer clowns and exorcisms and so much murder, Billy, so much murder . You can read me this one again.”

An exasperated sigh later Billy grabs his reading glasses that he denies owning and slides down further so he can hold the book comfortably around Steve.

Under Steve’s ear Billy’s heart is beating steadily and with the vibrations of his voice it’s such a soothing sound that Steve falls asleep when they barely one chapter in. 

“I want to tell you the circumstances in which I first encountered Hannibal Lecter, M.D.”

---

Steve wants to draw the line when it comes to their kids. Sure, Billy’s an adult and can choose to freak himself out by reading terrifying stories, and Steve might indulge sometimes too, but he does not want to deal with their kids crawling back into their bed because they’ve started being afraid of the Tooth Fairy thanks to Dad’s bedtime stories.

Billy huffs when he voices that opinion, “I’m not going to read them Red Dragon . Actually, you are the only person ever to want to read Red Dragon as a bedtime story.”

“Not the point! The point is you can’t read them horror at all. Normal kids don’t know about Pennywise or Rosemary’s baby.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’m not gonna read them those either. Not yet anyway.” He looks way too contemplative at the thought. 

“Hey, nah, you’re not reading those to them ever. They’re too young and they will always be too young for those stories,” he says while he walks another line across the fluffy carpet of their bedroom.

“You’re not making any sense, you realize that, right babe?” Billy’s openly laughing at him now.

“I don’t want them traumatized!”

“They won’t be traumatized. I’ll let them know it’s a story, and if they end up scared I’ll just show them your bat to prove that Daddy will protect them should any of the monsters from the books decide to become real.”

Billy’s sitting cross-legged on their bed, flannel sleeping pants on his legs a stark contrast against their white sheets. Somewhere at the back of his mind Steve makes a note to get out the thick duvets and covers like he always does when Billy goes from sleeping in underwear to stealing Steve’s trousers. 

“Very funny.”

Steve somewhat knows that’s the actual issue. That he doesn’t want their kids to ever even have to guess that there are actual monsters.

“They’re tough little shits, you know? Delilah told me the other day she’d punch a cashier for me.” Billy looks too proud of that one, and if Steve weren’t too preoccupied with protecting his children’s innocence he’d probably dig up just why she’d even offer to attack a cashier.

“They asked for a scary story, Steve. I’m really just giving them what they asked for.”

“I don’t care,” he pushes his hands against his sides and faces down Billy. “I’m not letting you read our kids horror books!”

“You’re doing your mom-pose again. Are you gonna threaten me with a towel next?” Steve fucking hates that Dustin took a liking to Billy and told him all about when Steve used to babysit.

“Anyway, it’s horror for children, relax,” Billy snorts. “Promise you, you’ll be more scared by it than they will be.”

“No. Read them fairytales.”

The smirk he gets in response should’ve warned him.

It takes exactly two days until the question comes in the middle of the afternoon. Steve is grading tests and Billy’s on kids duty until they have to head out to visit Max in the evening.

“C’mon, do you guys wanna hear a story?”

It’s a rhetorical question really. Both of their kids love books as much as Billy does and they’re on top of the couch with him in seconds.

Billy starts to read and Steve grows horrified. 

About half an hour later their kids are busy looking at the pictures in Billy’s old fairytale book and Steve pulls Billy with him into the kitchen. 

“What the fuck was that?”

“A fairytale, Steven.”

“ She was murdered .”

Steve knows vaguely that the book is a translation of the fairytales Billy’s mother used to read in her childhood, and the ones she in turn told Billy, which doesn’t explain why there was murder in it.

“I mean,” Billy looks way to smug. “She tried to murder Snow White.”

“They made her dance. Until she died. In red-hot shoes. What the fuck?” Steve really doesn’t remember any of this from the Disney film

“So you don’t want to know what happens in the original Sleeping Beauty story either, huh?”

Steve comes home two days later and finds both Delilah and Luke in bed with Billy. They’re all cuddled up, one kid on each side of him; he’s got his left arm wrapped around Delilah, her tiny frame swallowed by the tattooed muscles while Luke is lying on his chest. 

Billy’s also holding a book. It doesn’t look like a fairytale book. Neither the fucked up Grimm one nor the normal, childfriendly Disney stories. Steve is going to divorce him. 

"What are you guys reading?"

Luke jumps up at the sound of his voice, pushing his little fist right on Billy's solar plexus as he goes if the huff of pain is any indication. Steve would feel worse if he couldn't practically feel the horror story in the air. He's momentarily distracted when he has to catch the small bundle of kid that throws himself into his arms from the bed, clinging to his neck and then planting a kiss on his cheek.

The easy affection could've maybe even made him forget about it if it weren't for Delilah who happily exclaims, “We’re reading Coraline , Daddy.”

“ Coraline , huh?” Steve is going to have to murder Billy. He can see the cover now and it’s enough to give him the creeps. He also remembers enough from when Billy read him parts of American Gods . It wasn’t particularly child-friendly. 

As if to prove his point Luke says against his neck, “Her mother has button eyes!” 

Billy very pointedly has not looked up, he’s fully invested looking at the still open page and running his hand through Delilah’s hair. There’s that stupid smirk on his face that Steve has hated since High School. He sounds smug when he speaks up, “Did you have a good day, honey?”

“Just peachy,” Steve answers through his teeth. He makes a mental note to stick his cold feet against Billy’s legs tonight in bed and to sign him up for the next supervision in school. 

Luke demands that Steve listens to the story with them and like a puzzle piece Steve fits into the formation of his family on the bed. 

Once he’s close enough Billy turns and smiles at him. A real, truly happy smile. The smile Steve would do just about everything for and the one he has to reciprocate. 

Billy kisses him quickly and sing-songs, “They like it.”

(When Halloween comes around and Delilah announces she wants to go as Coraline Billy is disgustingly self-satisfied.)

[astrojoy]

Astrovations #9

💎 I've noticed a lot of Leo Suns or dominants have thick upwards tilted eyebrows commonly (just to emphasize- NOT ALL- but it's a common theme '^')

💎 Libra Moons are very fair about stuff, however, I've also noticed some where if their intelligence or idea is objected against, then they can get either quite petty or totally be unfair and too stubborn to listen to someone else's point of view. I think it's due to venus also ruling Taurus which can be some stubborn people. Plus since I've heard Libra as a sign can be a good politic, maybe don't fu** with their point of view? 😅😂

💎 Venus, even though it's represented as an air sign, is a hOt planet. All venus signs are all cool or whatever, but don't do them wrong and they won't do you wrong 🔫😃

💎 Asteroid Child Persona Chart could help give some clues or indicators about your future child

💎 From what I've seen Sagittarius Moons and Leo Suns can be sarcastic. Also Gemini placements in general

💎 Guys I think I've said this (idk) but as I checked out some other blogs and such and also at my chart(s), I really must repeat, degrees make a huge difference. As a person with a Leo MC at 2° (A Taurus degree) it rules all the forms of arts, beauty, fashion, makeup, cooking, financing, banking, perfumes, etc. And my goal is to be a makeup artist 🙏😫

💎 The reasoning behind why I usually say retrogrades can act chaotically (and emphasize it because it's a more common theme) to what they are, rather than just one scenario, is because they have played out in both ways in peoples charts, also the chaotic scenario is driven through a simple way. Picture this, when you walk backwards what do you do? You crash into random objects because you can't see what's coming. So picture a planet doing this, but in their orbit, it's their own energy, so they clash into things that they're familiar with but in a more unexpected loud way. (Btw not to get the wrong idea, planets don't actually go backwards during retrogrades, they appear to be going backwards through our human eyes on earth 😂)

💎 A taurus degree or Asteroid Talent (33154) in the 2nd house can have a specific natural talent for cooking, they could enjoy it and their might be strange times when they're cooking and they do something wrong but somehow it ends up being great in the end. If you have this then go on Gordan Ramsey's "Hells Kitchen", oml- 😩 See you in the next season 👀

💎 Libra Moons are also the types of individuals to be in an argument with someone and then 5 to 10 minutes later be like "well why are you still mad girl? We're over it" 💅 the shi, is so irritating too. My Cancer moon can't take when some of y'all do this 🤨

💎 The moons signs I've seen cry during movies the most, I've only watched movies with some moon signs so take this lightly- Cancer/Scorpio/Capricorn/Aquarius/Taurus. I've watched movies with Aries moons and I've never seen any of them cry on any sad parts like wtf? My brother who has a Cancer as their sun and stellium in cancer legit doesn't hardly ever cry in sad parts of movies

💎 Speaking of movies and crying. Ive seen someone with their moon in the 12th rarely cry during movies, which I guess it makes sense but dayum it's also a water house so- confused noises It's only when it REALLY messes with their emotions or stirs them up. Like long tv shows they binge can really hit them hard if their wrapped up in it Flash backs to my favorite show "Supernatural" and the ending

💎 Someone with Virgo/Sagittarius/Gemini in the big 3 with 2 or more of the others (EX - Gemini Sun, Sagittarius moon - Sagittarius Sun/Virgo Moon etc) can be really logical. They may rely on their head more than their heart. Ive seen specifically Sagittarius moons with a lot in their Sagittarius house or 9th think they're overly smart or intelligent and not like to be proven wrong. They may get defensive over intelligence depending on the chart

💎 If you have water sign(s) in the big 3 but one of them isn't a water sign but it's in a water house (EX - Gemini Sun in the 4th) Then you can still give off some water qualities on that zodiac sign from that house and be super overlly emotional or caring but you are a beautiful empath 🥺

💎 Pay attention to degrees on the MC Persona Chart. This might give some great support when analyzing it. Look at the MC's degree the most and any planets in its degree

💎 Juno square/harshly aspecting MC can indicate feelings of love or romance interfering with career life. Maybe their isn't enough time or maybe the person feels they can't handle both so in their head they have to pick one or the other. Another case is the career could not let marriage happen in some way- when we look at people like kpop idols for a perfect example, boy/girl groups have a hard time ever getting to date or they have to hide it from the public to keep their reputation and not create conflict in their career. Plus some of their agencies don't allow romantic affiliation

💎 If you don't have your moon sign in any of your moms big 3 zodiac signs, then check the house (EX - cancer in the 9th house/9th is ruled by Sagittarius and the mom is a sag rising)

💎 The degree of asteroid juno could hint at what else you look for in a spouse or this degree could be a detail of your spouse

💎 Just realized this recently but venus ontop/at the same degree as your POF can indicate a female energy activating it. Same with Mars and a masculine energy.

💎 Nemesis conjunct moon can indicate a mom who didn't support a lot of things the child did/holding them back, as nemisis does, or, a persons personal fears/emotions hold them back. Such as someone with social anxiety would hold themselves back from making friends

💎 Continuing on, nemesis conjunct sun (also saturn sometimes) can indicate a father who didn't accept certain things the child did often. "Don't do that" "No you aren't going" etc, or, this can indicate a love/hate relationship with the ego. Our own self identity that we just can't accept or subconsciously push away

💎 Having asteroid Babel (5808), in the 7th house can indicate having relationships with partners who are interested in learning different languages or do. Some can probably even end up knowing a whole other language (Just from experience I've seen this asteroid in this house really lives to it's meaning. The past partners I've dated seemed to speak 2 languages if not then they were quite interested or tried and gave up)

💎 Asteroid Euterpe (27), being the muse of music, in the 3rd/5th/12th indicates having a talent for singing or creating music in general (could be a hidden talent if someone doesn't use it. Or it could just mean someone really enjoys it and it could be a way of healing) if it's in the 7th or conjunct the DC then this could indicate getting with partners who enjoys, creates or sings music

💎 Euterpe (27) conjunct Chiron can have trouble with music. Learning instruments or how to sing might be harder for them than others. They could be scared of singing for fear of others judging them. If they played instruments in school then they were the kid who was afraid of being called out if they played the wrong note or really thought little of themselves in their abilities than the rest of the class

💎 Asteroid Isis (42) is all about gathering different pieces of something and putting them together to create a whole. So wherever this asteroid is in your chart is how it will play out. (EX - Isis in 10th -> if someone is famous then the public might see them as an enigma still. Having to put pieces of information together to fully understand the celebrity. If not famous then this could indicate someone having to learn pieces of lessons or trial and error to understand how to get their ideal career. Also imagine a nurse, how did they get there? They gathered pieces of knowledge from college and work to understand how to help others and make thier career happen. A person who cleans garbage, collects bags and puts them on the garbage truck, making them a whole. Investigators gather pieces of evidence to solve crimes)

💎 Lilith conjunct MC in natal or MC persona can indicate the public looking at you kinda.. confused? They obviously see you as different or darker in some way, maybe your quiet persona or fashion? Aura? Whatever it is, it's still there, however they will always never fully understand you. There will always be this air of mystery/raw authenticity where they never get enough information about you because you're exotic, but since lilith can be magnetic, they are curious and end up wanting to know more. This has a possibility of creating scandals too, because if people don't truly understand you then they can get easily suspicious, plus your aura can seem a little threatening or too different. So obviously, people can easily start rumors and have people just as easily believe them! It sucks! However lilith is very tempting, easily seducing, manipulating.. etc. So she can just as easily turn the tables. Get away with lies as well. No matter a man or woman the public will see you as dominating, attractive, and some people will hate you soooo much. Their could be jealousy or hatred for who knows what. Ranging from looks to attention 🤺🤺 look where lilith is in the other chart that you didnt look at (natal or MC persona) this can give more clues or what rumors could be started or what people could get jealous of or suspishhh (EX - lilith in MC in MC persona chart // natal lilith in the 7th - people will hate you or get jealous about your relationships, romantic or business, they will start shi in this territory in career. A random scenario of this reminds me of someone marrying to someone highly regarded/famous however the fans get jealous, as you took their person they liked physically or their skills, and they instantly get the idea that you are a bad person)

💎 Ceres conjunct Moon need their mom in order to feel loved and safe. This is comfort for them. They could be close to their mom or have an overprotective mom but if they don't have a mom present in their life or one that doesn't care, then they long for that feeling. They would in this case feel best safe or comforted with female motherly figures in their life. A bigger sister could take up this role as well as a counselor or friend. But whomever it is would hold these qualities

💎 I found out more, it isn't just cancer moons who could have rounder face shapes. I've noticed cancer in the big 3 or a cancer dominant, such as having a stellium in cancer can be the case. I've noticed cancer risings tend to not have a chance as often to have it though as I've seen more of them have oval faces or even sharp ones honestly however they look quite young for their age.

💎 As someone with lilith in the 7th, I can easily say that a lot of people with this placement probably get spoiled in relationships. Ive seen it with other charts besides mine just to confirm this in some way

💎 With lilith in the 7th house no matter how you are your partner will have some type of quality where they subconsciously might be hit with lilith, even if it's not on purpose. Lilith qualities are seen in partners in this house. I've had an ex addicted to porn and always desiring stuff like a stereotypical "seduce/raw energy" and kinky side of lilith. Lilith reminds me of the 8th house and scorpio of course. Which deals with sex as well so this could make sense. Also out of everyone I've been with they were dominant, so I purely will assume this placement can indicate a dominant partner in some way 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

💎 Scorpio placements usually think the worst is to come when they need to meet someone they don't know. "Are they rude?" "Are they good to talk with?" "Are they trustworthy?" "Will they dislike me?" "What if we barely talk and it's awkward" etc

[cellsshapedlikestars]

halloween party

Ok, I felt weird not writing anything for Halloween this year, so I decided to do something quick for the @fyeahjonandsansa 31 days of Jonsa event. Day 31: Halloween Party.

.

She and Jon make a good team.

Literally not a sentence she ever thought she would say, but here she is.

It's true, though. Sansa is terrible at the beginning parts of carving a pumpkin – getting the knife through the thick rind and flesh, cutting a perfect circle to pop out, hollowing out all the gunk and guts. She particularly hates that last part, hates the way the pulp feels, the slimy little seeds.

Jon, however, has no issue with any of it, and she takes a moment to watch him shove the knife deep into a fresh pumpkin (and perhaps she gets a bit distracted with the way his arms flex as he carves out a neat circle on the bottom of it – another thing Sansa would never have thought of, to open it from the bottom to make placing a candle inside easier). He also has no qualms about the guts, she watches him go in with his bare hand and pull out stringy masses of it before using the scraper to get the leftovers.

Jon is terrible at the rest of it, though. Sure, he can carve the face, technically, but the ones he did try look like little children made them. This is where Sansa shines – she sketches the design and then carefully carves them out. It makes her giggle, thinking back to Jon's face when he'd seen her first pumpkin, the impressed wow that had made her warm with pleasure, before he turned his own pumpkin to face her and she'd burst into laughter at it.

So now they have a system down – Jon gets the pumpkins ready for her, and she does the rest. Of course, her job is slower, so there's already a few pumpkins waiting for her that Jon's already prepped.

Why Jeyne decided she needed to make this party jack-o-lantern themed, Sansa has no idea. It had sounded nice in theory – in practice? Well, there's a reason the rest of her siblings had bailed on this project, and even Robb and Jeyne are somewhere else in the house, doing other party prep things. Jeyne just doesn't want to admit that maybe her idea was a bit over the top.

So now it's just Sansa and Jon, because of course it is. Sansa never would have said she and Jon have anything in common, but they do have this – Jon's weird, stubborn loyalty and Sansa's need to see a project through to perfection. Not exactly the same, but the end result is. They're both here, the last two standing.

“Can you hand me that little knife?” Jon asks, pointing to one of her carving tools. “I figure I can help you out with some of the bigger cuts,” and then he gestures at the waiting pumpkins that she's already drawn designs on in pencil.

“Ew, get your hand away from me,” Sansa leans back as his pumpkin covered hand waves in her general direction. It grosses her out so much, Jon had laughed at her when she gagged scooping out her first pumpkin (wearing rubber gloves that she forced Robb to find).

Jon looks down at his hand, looks at her, then says, “this hand?” And then, to her horror, he reaches out for her with it and she squeals and drops the pumpkin she's working on to scramble back. And Jon – Jon just laughs, louder than he did earlier, reaching out for the pumpkin she dropped. “Careful,” he says with a grin, “these are delicate, don't go dropping them.”

She's about to say something when Robb's head pops into the room. “Everything ok in here?”

“We're fine,” Jon says, at the same time that Sansa huffs, “get your friend under control, Robb.”

Robb quirks an eyebrow at them and Sansa turns a glare on Jon, who's still grinning.

“You want to help?” Jon then asks, gesturing at the pumpkins they still have left to carve.

“Actually, there's so much to do in the other room...” Robb hedges, backing out.

“This is your party! Coward!” Sansa calls after her brother as he disappears.

“He's a terrible friend,” Jon says with that same smile on his face as he leans over and reaches past Sansa to grab the carving tool he'd been asking for, and Sansa realizes she's holding her breath at how close he gets.

“Aren't you glad to be back?” she tries her best to sound as sarcastic as possible.

She realizes that maybe it was a stupid thing to say when Jon's smile falters – this is his first year back after being honorably discharged; after being given some medal for getting shot six times in a mutiny within his own unit.

“Yeah,” he finally says, voice low and soft. “Yeah, I'm glad to be back.”

They work in silence after that, and Sansa finds herself sneaking glances at him. He's grown out his hair, for years she only saw him with a military buzz cut, but now it's long enough that he can tie half of it up into a little bun. The beard is also new, and all she can think is that it makes his eyes look more intense, somehow, makes the grey of them brighter.

She has to shake herself out of it when she notices that she's falling behind on her carving. She and Jon make a good team, except for when he's being completely distracting (not a phrase she would have ever associated with him when they were younger).

By the time they finally finish, her hands are cramping, but Jeyne is absolutely delighted by the lineup of pumpkins.

“It's perfect!” Jeyne sighs and hugs Sansa and then Jon. “Now we just need to put them around the house!”

They all start placing the pumpkins around according to Jeyne's orders, and it's then that Robb catches her alone.

“Was Jon laughing earlier?” Robb asks as they both stand in the hallway. In the dining room, Sansa can hear Jeyne directing Jon.

“Yeah?” she shrugs. “He thought it was so funny that I don't like touching pumpkin guts.”

All Robb says is, “huh,” and he starts walking back to the kitchen.

“Why?” she asks, hurrying to catch up.

“Nothing, I just... I don't think I've seen him laugh since he's been back, is all.”

Since he was shot, is what Robb doesn't say.

“Maybe I'm just funnier than you,” she shrugs.

It was meant as a joke, but when she looks back at Robb, he's got this look on his face - something appraising. She has no idea what it's about.

“Maybe,” Robb finally says.

She has no idea what Robb meant - Jon laughs all the time, she decides, when later on they're separating the seeds from the pulp to roast (once again, Jeyne's idea). Jon laughs every single time Sansa makes an exaggerated gagging noise when she has to touch the pumpkin guts. She does catch both Robb and Jeyne watching them a few times, both like they're a bit baffled by the laughter, which Sansa thinks is ridiculous. Jon laughs so easily.

The strange looks continue through the pizza Robb and Jeyne order to thank them for their help, through the beers and movie after (Jon also finds her reactions to horror movies funny, though his laughs are softer and he at least lets her hide her face in his shoulder during the worst parts).

When they're finally ready to go and Jon pulls on his leather jacket, it strikes Sansa that this Jon is different than the ones she knew before – the quiet, sullen teenager and then the clean cut, stoic soldier she'd seen the few times he'd been back on leave. This is a new Jon, though she also thinks it's the same one – he's different now, but there's still something innately Jon about him. She can't really explain it. She also can't explain why she finds it so fascinating.

“You'll be at the party tomorrow?” he asks out at their cars (Robb and Jeyne watching them from the front door like absolute weirdos).

“Duh,” she rolls her eyes, but there's no real annoyance behind it. “I didn't carve all those pumpkins for a party I wasn't even going to.”

That gets a smile out of him, and a soft release of breath that she thinks is a laugh. “Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, then.”

Something else she can't explain? The way her heart flutters.

“See you tomorrow.”