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canirove · 2 months ago

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The invinsible princess | Chapter 8

“Royal wedding?”

Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

Masterlist

“Oh my God, not this again!”

“What happened?” Irene says.

“The press” I sigh. “They are back to writing articles about me and who is going to be my prince.”

“Why would they… Oh. Leonor.”

“Yep” I say, throwing my phone to the other side of the sofa.

The English press had caught her in London with an old friend she had met years ago while she was finishing her studies in Scotland, the heir of a very famous and kind of powerful family among the British nobility. And since over there the press doesn't respect us the way the Spanish one does, and we don't have the sources we have here that allow us to stop things before they are published, the photos were shared by an English tabloid and there was nothing we could do about it.

Things have been a bit crazy since then, paparazzis following us all trying to get more information about Leonor and her first known boyfriend. But the thing is that, even though you can see them kissing and holding hands in those photos, they aren't dating. According to what she's told us, it was just a fling because they happened to cross paths after a long time.

But now, because of it, the press is back to bothering me and writing articles about my love life, making bets about who I will end up dating and shipping me with whoever I'm seen with, something that almost ended my real relationship once.

“I mean, if you had made your engagement official already, they would not be writing those things” Irene says. “It's been almost a year, Sofía.”

“I know. But we still haven't found the right moment to do it.”

After Pedri and I got engaged, my parents suggested that it was best to keep it private for a few months so we could enjoy it and have enough time to tell our friends and family. But once those months passed, Pedri was playing football again and things weren't the best at Barça, so we decided to postpone it until the end of the season so it wouldn't add more pressure to him and the team. The press would go nuts with the announcement and some of them would not be nice, their headlines definitely blaming me for how bad they were playing, or saying that since he was going to be a prince, he didn't care about playing football anymore.

“The season has basically ended. Why not now?” Irene says.

“Because he still has to play the Champions League final, the most important game. We can't just drop the bomb before it.”

“And after? You could make your relationship official by doing a Casillas and Carbonero on the pitch while celebrating that they've won. If they win, of course. Though maybe you can also do it if they lose. The princess comforting the football star” she says with a teasing smile.

“Idiot” I reply, hitting her with one of the pillows. “But we can't do that either. I mean, if they lose, it would be a way to distract people from it. But they would probably also blame me for the loss.”

“That's very likely, yes... How are you going to do it, then?”

“I don't know, Irene. I don't know” I sigh.

If only we could just get married like normal people do and don't have to make any official announcement about anything…

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“I'm sorry” I say, taking Pedri's hand on mine.

“It's ok” he says, resting his head on my shoulder.

“You played really well, you know? I know you gave it all out there.”

“But it wasn't enough.”

“It was” I say, giving his hand a little squeeze. “It's not your fault your teammates are useless.”

“Sofía!” he laughs. “They could hear you, you know?”

“They all are too gutted to care about what I may say.”

Because Barça had lost the Champions League final. It had been a really tough game, one of the toughest this season. And when you make it to penalties, anything can happen.

“Besides, I made you laugh and smile, and that's all I care about right now” I say, caressing his cheek.

“Thank you” he says, curling up against me.

“Why don't you try to sleep for a bit? We still have a couple of hours left until we land in Barcelona.”

“I don't think I can” he sighs. “I can't stop thinking about the game, about things I could have done differently.”

“Then let's make you not think about the game.”

“How?” he chuckles.

“By talking about something else. For example… Our holidays.”

“With your family, mine, or on our own?”

“Well, the ones with my family may be the important ones. Because…” I say, biting my lip.

“Because?” Pedri says, looking up at me.

“Because now that the season is finally over, we could… You know. Make it official.”

“Urgh, that” he groans. “Why can't we just get married and not tell anyone? Like you've told me many times, you aren't the heir. Why is it so important what you do or don't do?”

“Good question” I chuckle. “But that's how the protocol works.”

“Fuck the protocol” he says, lifting his head from my shoulder. “Let's get married, Sofía.”

“What?”

“Let's do it. This summer.”

“Pedri, you know that we can't. We have to…”

“What did I just say? Fuck the protocol, Sofía. We want to get married, don't we? It is what we keep dreaming about since we got engaged.”

“It is.”

“And we want to do it in Tenerife.”

“Yes” I nod.

“Then let's do it. Let's invite our families and closest friends to our house there with some excuse, and let's surprise them by getting married.”

“Pedri, are you sure they didn't hit your head during the game?” I laugh.

“I'm serious, Sofía” he says, now being the one who gives my hand a little squeeze. An encouraging one. “Let's get married and don't give a shit about the protocol, the press or whatever.”

“You are being serious, aren't you?”

“Deadly” he says. “So, my lady… Do we elope to Tenerife?”

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was telling Irene I wished we could do this. Just get married and ignore everything else. And now, Pedri is telling me we should do exactly that. By the looks of it, he actually seems to have it all planned already.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes” I repeat. “Let's elope to Tenerife.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“You are crazy. You are fucking crazy.”

“Leonor…”

“No, Sofía! No! Have you lost your mind?”

“Leonor, listen…”

“No!” she says again. “You can't just get married like that! There is a protocol and traditions to be followed! You are a fucking princess!”

“I know, Leonor. But we want to get married and are tired of waiting and postponing everything.”

“And I'm tired of having to attend boring dinners with men who could be my father, yet I do it because it is my job! My duty!”

“Yes, your duty as the heir to the throne. But that's not me, Leonor! Or have you forgotten that once you are queen, I would become even more unimportant than I already am?” I say, also raising my voice.

“Please don't start with that invisible princess bullshit, Sofía. Playing the victim doesn't fit you anymore.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Girls, I think we need to calm down a bit” Irene says.

“I am calm!” both Leonor and I yell at the same time.

“If you say so…” she says, sinking a bit on the sofa where she is sitting.

“Leonor…” I say, taking a deep breath. “Put yourself in my shoes for just a minute, please.”

“I'm trying, Sofía. I swear I am” she replies. “But this idea of yours… it's crazy. It's fucking crazy! Mum and dad won't like it, and if he doesn't like it, you know what the Constitution says. You would not be part of the succession anymore, Sofía. If something were to happen to me and I still don't have kids, the crown would pass to our unruly cousin. Do you seriously want him to be king?”

“Leonor, you are being dramatic and you know it. Nothing is going to happen to you, and dad isn't going to exclude me from the succession just because I don't want to get married in a cathedral.”

“He sent grandad away, tho” Irene says.

“Yes, but grandad did many things he shouldn't while he was king, and I'm just choosing to marry the man I love in a different way because our relationship isn't the usual one due to who we are.”

“Because you are a princess and he is a footballer?” Leonor says. “Aunt Cristina married a handball player and they followed the protocol and the tradition.”

“And things worked out so well for them… Sorry, Irene.”

“It's ok” she says.

“And you can't compare the fame he had back then with the one Pedri has right now. He is known worldwide, Leonor. He is more famous than all of us together!”

“Oh, so we should throw away our traditions and who we are just because of his fame?”

“Yes! I mean… No! But maybe we should start doing some things differently, it is the 21st century!”

“Sofía, are you calling me old-fashioned?” she laughs.

“What? No! I just… urgh” I say, sitting down and trying really hard to not start crying.

“Leonor…” Pedri says, daring to join the conversation. Because Leonor, Irene and I aren't alone in the room. Him, Fer and Ferran also are with us. They are the people we trust the most and we wanted to tell them about our plan, to have them on our side and help us with everything. And even though they all were kind of surprised when we first shared the news with them, they said they would support us. All but my sister, who just started shouting. “We wanted to do things the way they have been done for centuries, to follow the protocol, the tradition. We truly wanted to. But my career keeps getting in the way, and we are tired of waiting. Sofía and I love each other and just want to get married. Is that so difficult to understand?”

“It isn't, Pedri. It's just…”

“Wait” Ferran says, also joining the conversation. “You aren't rushing things because she is pregnant, are you?”

“What?” everyone says at the same time.

“People used to suddenly get married because having a baby outside marriage was seen as something shameful. And since you are royals, maybe you still do those things? I don't know” he shrugs.

“I'm not pregnant, Ferran” I say. “Like Pedri said, we want to do this because we love each other, want to get married and are tired of waiting. Just that.”

“Ok… I just had to ask” he shrugs again.

“Leonor…” I sigh. “Leonor, please. I know it sounds crazy, that it is a crazy idea… But it is what we want” I say, Pedri reaching for my hand and giving it an encouraging squeeze. “Say that you will help us. That you will support us. I want my sister with me on the most important day of my life so far. I… I can't do this without you.”

“But Sofía, no one has done something like this before. Like… It'll be a scandal!”

“I think people are more than used to our family being involved in scandals” Irene chuckles.

“And maybe scandal isn't the right word for this situation” I add.

“Ok, fine” Leonor says. “But if your relationship going public already is something that will definitely make people go nuts, imagine if what they get to read is that you are already married after years of dating in secret!”

“Well, you all have always joked about us breaking the Internet the day we make it public, so let's go big or go home” I shrug.

“You… urgh” Leonor groans. “When they named you after grandma they also passed her stubbornness onto you, didn't they? Because I'm not going to change your mind about this.”

“You are not, no. So… am I going to have my big sister with me at my wedding or not?”

“I… Yes” she sighs, finally giving up. “You will have your big sister with you at your wedding. But…” she says, stopping me as I'm about to throw myself at her and hug her. “I still think this is the worst idea ever and that mum and dad are going to kill you both. Maybe all of us too for helping you.”

“They won't, you'll see” I smile. “I love you, Leonor.”

“And I love you too, you crazy woman” she says before hugging me.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“This house is beautiful, Sofía. And the views? Breathtaking” my grandma says. “No wonder you and Pedri come here so often.”

“You are invited to come whenever you want, grandma” I smile.

“But only if I'm gonna be surrounded by such handsome men” she says, nodding towards Ferran, Fermín and Gavi.

“Grandma!” I gasp.

“It isn't my fault that your future husband has such handsome friends, darling” she shrugs. “And I'm gonna go get some more of those chips you are serving. Where did you say they are from? They are delicious.”

“They are from a local business.”

“As in from a restaurant?”

“More like a food truck.” If you can call Paco's old van like that.

“Interesting… You'll have to take me one day.”

“Yes, of course” I smile.

“Great” she smiles back. “Now I'm gonna go get those chips. I can see your cousin Pablo and that Fermín boy walking towards them, and they eat for five or six people.”

“They do, yes” I chuckle as I watch her walk towards them.

“Bo!”

“Bloody hell, Pedri!” I yelp when he suddenly shows up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “You scared me!”

“Sorry” he says, kissing my neck.

“Was that really necessary?”

“The kiss or scaring you?” he says, now kissing my cheek.

“What do you think?”

“I think that both were necessary. The kiss because you look stunning, and the scare because you need to relax.”

“I'm relaxed."

“Sofia…” Pedri says, moving me until I'm facing him. “You are not.”

“I am” I say, focusing on my hands resting on his chest.

“Sofía…”

“Ok, fine. I'm a bit nervous.”

“Just a bit, uh?” he says with a teasing smile. “But that's normal. We are about to… get married” he whispers. “I also am a bit nervous.”

“Really? You are mingling with everyone and enjoying the party as if nothing was going on.”

“That's on the outside. But on the inside… on the inside I'm shitting myself. Maybe a bit literally too.”

“Eww, Pedri!”

“Sorry” he shrugs. “But everything is going to work out, you'll see. In an hour, you and I, my lady…” he says, pulling me a bit closer. “You and I are going to be husband and wife, and that's all that matters.”

“Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds” Leonor says when we are about to kiss. “But it's time.”

“Shit. Ok. Umm… Ok” I say, taking a deep breath.

“An hour, my lady” Pedri says, kissing my hand. “Just an hour.”

“Just an hour” I repeat before following Leonor.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Oh my God, Sofía. You look gorgeous!” Irene says.

“And that dress is so you. Maybe you actually were right and marrying here and not in a cathedral was your thing.”

“Thank you, Leonor” I reply, rolling my eyes but also smiling. “And you too, Irene. Pedri and I could not have done this without your help.”

“You're welcome, cousin” she smiles.

“Yeah.”

“Leonor, did I just see you wiping away a tear?” I chuckle.

“What? No, no. It was just something in my eye.”

“A tear.”

“I wasn't crying, Sofía.”

“If you say so…” I tease her.

“Yes, I do” she says, sticking out her tongue. “Now, let's make sure that you have everything.”

“Oh, yes!” Irene says. “Something blue?”

“The sapphire on my engagement ring” I say, lifting my hand.

“Something borrowed?”

“Mum's wedding shoes.”

“You know, if she doesn't kill us because of the wedding, she may do it for taking those and not telling her about it” Leonor chuckles.

“When I was a kid she once told me that I could wear them on my wedding day, so” I shrug.

“What is your something new?” Irene continues.

“The lingerie set I'm wearing. And don't make any comment about it.”

“I wasn't going to say anything.”

“Then why did I catch you smirking?”

“It wasn't a smirk, Sofía. It was just a smile” Irene shrugs.

“Of course it was.”

“A smile of we know Pedri's jaw is gonna be on the floor the moment he sees you taking off your clothes before you jump his bones.”

“Leonor!” I gasp. “Not you!”

“Couldn't help myself, I'm sorry” she laughs. “Anyway, you have something blue, something borrowed, something new, and you are just missing something old, right?”

“Not really. This dress is vintage, it counts as something old.”

“That's not old enough, Sofía. This, on the other hand…” she says, giving me a little box.

“What is this?”

“Open it and you will know” she smiles.

“Leonor!” I gasp even louder than when she made her comment about Pedri and my lingerie. “Are these… are they…”

“The earrings your beloved queen is wearing on that painting you love so much.”

“No way!” Irene says.

“But how… How did you get them? Don't they belong to the Victoria and Albert museum?”

“They do. But I happen to know someone who works there, and he did me a favour.”

“What? Who?” Irene says while inspecting the earrings.

“Max?” I ask my sister.

“Who is… Wait. The guy the paparazzis caught you making out with in London?” Irene says.

“Yes, him. I got the idea of the earrings after Pedri chose the ring and told me about proposing in front of the painting, so I texted Max, we started talking, and when they caught us I had gone to London to meet with him and pick them up.”

“Leonor, I… I… I don't know what to say. This is too much, like…”

“Sofía, you are my little sister. I would do anything for you, and you should know it already just by the fact that I'm here today and have said yes to this crazy idea of yours.”

“Yes, but…”

“Now who is the one crying?” she says with a teasing smile.

“Oh, shut up” I reply, giving her a little push and making her laugh.

“C'mon, let's help you put them on. Fer may text us any moment now telling us that everything is ready.”

“Urgh, Sofía. Now you look even more gorgeous than you already did” Irene says when they are done. “That queen from the painting is nothing next to you.”

“Pedri's jaw may hit the floor earlier than we thought” Leonor smirks.

“Yeah, well” I say, looking at myself in the mirror. I actually do look beautiful. I feel beautiful.

“Just remember to take the earrings off before your wedding night starts. You two are too feisty, and I need to give them back to Max in one piece” Leonor says.

“We aren't feisty” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Sofía, both Irene and I have heard things we didn't want to hear, so don't try to deny it.”

“Whatever” I reply. “But are you seeing Max again? I thought it had been just a fling.”

“Well…”

“Well what?” Irene asks her. “Leonor, you are blushing!”

“I'm not! I mean… Maybe… Urgh!”

“Oh my God, Leonor. Have you fallen for Max?” I say.

“What? No! But maybe…”

“Maybe?” both Irene and I say.

“Maybe I am falling for him, ok?”

“Aww, Leonor” I say before hugging her, Irene doing the same. “I am so happy for you!”

“Same” Irene says. “Can't believe the three of us are in love at the same time!”

“I'm not… wait, what?” Leonor says. “You are in love? With who?”

“I… umm…” Irene says, taking a step back, her cheeks bright red.

“Did you know about this?” Leonor asks me.

“I had no idea, no” I reply. “I thought we could tell everything to each other, Irene.”

“And we can, but…”

“But?”

“But how am I supposed to tell you that I'm seeing your boyfriend’s brother?”

“What?” Leonor and I say at the same time.

“Yeah” Irene shrugs.

“How did that happen? And since when has it been happening? And…”

“And that must be him” she says when someone knocks on the door. “I'll tell you everything after the wedding, ok? I promise.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“This is such a lovely party, Pedri” the queen says. “And the idea of having us all here together in Tenerife before the summer ends is perfect.”

“Thank you” he smiles.

“But where is Sofía? Her dad wanted to make a toast in your honour, and I can't find her anywhere.”

“She's upstairs with the girls, I saw them earlier” Pedri's mum says. “I think something happened with her dress, that she spilled something on it.”

“And they still haven't come back? I'm gonna go check on them, maybe something happened.”

“No!” Pedri says, definitely raising his voice too much. “I mean, if they've been gone for a while, they are probably about to come back, right?”

“I guess, yes. But isn't it weird that it is taking them so long?”

“Oh, you know them. They probably are gossiping about something” Pedri's mum chuckles. “And speaking of gossip… Is there something going on between your brother and Irene?”

“What?” he says.

“I saw them chatting earlier, and the way they were talking and looking at each other… I don't know” she shrugs.

“Well, you can ask him now. He is coming” the queen says, smirking the same way Sofía does when she's plotting something.

“Ladies… brother” Fer smiles. “I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

“Oh, no, don't worry. Just your mother wondering if you are dating Irene” the queen says, still smirking.

“What?” he laughs. “Me and Irene? That's… I mean…”

“That's true. Look at your face” Pedri says. “I can't believe neither you or Irene have told Sofía and I anything.”

“We… I… Umm…” he mumbles. “Oh, that must be your last guest” Fer says when someone rings the doorbell.

“Last guest? What last guest?” their mum asks.

“One who just saved my dear brother from doing some explaining” Pedri says.

“Umm… boys?” their dad says, joining the conversation. “Why has Don Alberto just arrived?”

“Don Alberto? Who is that?” the queen asks.

“A priest who is friends with the family.”

“A what?” she says, looking at everyone with a confused look.

“I think it's time, Pedri” Fer says.

“I think it is, yes” he sighs.

“Is anyone going to tell me what is going on here or…?” the queen asks.

“If I may get your attention, please” Pedri says, raising his voice so everyone at the party can hear him while moving to a spot in the room from where they all can also see him. “Thank you” he smiles once everyone has gathered around him. “As you know, Sofía and I invited you to come here today because we wanted to be in our favourite place in the world with the people we love the most and celebrate the love we have for all of you. But we also want to celebrate our love, the one she and I have for each other. Because after being engaged for a year… we've decided it's time we take the next step and seal our love in front of those we love the most. Welcome to our wedding” Pedri smiles as murmurs start rising around the room, everyone looking at each other with a mix of confused and surprised looks. “I know you all are probably thinking this is a crazy idea” he continues. “Some of you may even be disappointed at us because this is not how we should be doing things, that there is a protocol and traditions to be followed. But this is what Sofía and I want. This, with you all and in this house, is how we want to get married. Not at a cathedral surrounded by people we don't know. And we want to do it now. Today.”

“Pedri, this… this…” the queen mumbles, the king standing next to her looking extremely confused.

“This is perfect!” Sofía's grandma says. “Oh, I love it! I love love love it!”

“Mother, this is not right” the king says, finally reacting. “They can't marry here.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is their house!”

“And?”

“And they can't get married in their house!”

“Can't they?” she asks, looking at the priest.

“They can, your majesty” he says.

“But… but Sofía is a princess! And we haven't made the engagement public yet! What will people think? What will other royal families think?”

“They'll probably be jealous of them because they've gotten to have a normal wedding instead of all the pomp and circumstance they have to suffer and deal with on theirs.”

“But…”

“Nothing” she says. “Your daughter has decided to get married here today, and we have to support her decision. Their decision” she says, smiling at Pedri.

“Thank you” he replies.

“So, what do we have to do now? Do we have to go somewhere?”

“We… Umm… Fer?” Pedri asks his brother.

“Oh, yes” he says, moving to stand next to him. “Sofía is upstairs getting ready, so while she finishes with that, I need someone to help me and Ferran carry all the flowers and take them outside to the garden. Boys?” he says, looking first at Pedri's teammates and then at Sofía's cousins, who all nod in agreement. “Great” Fer smiles. “We also need someone to help us arrange them properly and make them look nice, so maybe… grandma?”

“Why me? Is it because I'm the one who has been to the most weddings due to my age and I've seen it all?” she says, arching an eyebrow.

“We thought you could do it because you have the best taste. I mean, look at the gardens at your house” Pedri says with his best smile.

“Oh, you cheeky little thing” she laughs. “I can't say no to you. I'll do it.”

“Thank you, ma'am” Fer says. “Dad, we'll need you helping Don Alberto with everything he may need, and mum, I need you helping Pedri get dressed. You know how much he struggles with his ties.”

“And us?” the queen asks.

“We thought that maybe you would like to check on Sofía” Pedri says. “She wants you to walk her down the aisle” he says, looking at the king.

“Me? Dressed like this?”

“Oh, you look perfect” his mother says. “Now go congratulate your daughter, and don't yell at her. Or at Leonor.”

“But…”

“Chop chop, everyone!” she says, clapping her hands. “We have a wedding to organise!”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Mum? Dad?” I say when Irene opens the door. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Sofía” my dad says. “You look… you…”

“Breathtaking” my mum says, running towards me and hugging me.

“Oh” I say. That's the only thing that comes from my mouth while she hugs me and… cries? Is she crying? What?

“Look at you” she says, moving to cup my face. “You look so beautiful, Sofía.”

“Thank you, mum. But what are you doing here?”

“Pedri told us to come see you” my dad says.

“He did?” We had not agreed on that.

“I think I'm going back downstairs to see if Fer needs my help” Irene says. “Leonor?”

“I…”

“Go” my mum says. “You and I will talk later.”

“Ok” she says before following Irene.

“I'm sorry” I say once they are gone. “I'm sorry about lying to you all and about not following the rules. About disappointing you. But we were tired of waiting and just wanted to get married. Not because I'm pregnant or anything like that. It's just…”

“You love each other and want to be together. Properly and officially” my mum says.

“Well, properly, properly…” my dad says.

“You know what I mean” my mum replies.

“Then you aren't mad at me? At us? I know this isn't what you wanted.”

“Sofía” my mum says, taking my hands on hers. “All we want is for you to be happy. I mean, yes. We may be a bit shocked.”

“A bit, she says” my dad chuckles.

“Yes, a bit” my mum says. “But not angry or disappointed. If this is what you want and what makes you happy, then we will support you. Like I said when Pedri asked your dad for your hand, we are in the 21st century. There are some things we can and should change. And since you aren't the heir and Pedri is who he is… maybe this is for the best. Maybe doing things privately is what works the best for you two.”

“Thank you, mum” I say, trying really hard to not cry and ruin my makeup.

“You must have to promise us something, tho” she says.

"Ok" I nod.

“You will allow us to throw some kind of reception to introduce you and Pedri officially. One where we'll get to invite all the people who should have been at your wedding if you had done things following the traditional way.”

“Though first we'll have to make it official that they have gotten married. Preferably before the season starts and we find ourselves with the same problem again” my dad says. “If we wait for the next summer, we may be announcing a relationship, a wedding, and a baby.”

“Oh, no, no. It is too soon for babies ” I quickly say. “But yes. We will do that reception, and we will announce that we've gotten married. Maybe when Barça comes back from the pre-season?”

“That could work, yes.”

“Ok. Then… All good?” I ask them.

“All good” my mum smiles.

“Even if I I'm wearing your wedding shoes as my something borrowed?”

“You what?”

“You once told me that I could wear them, so...” I shrug.

“I… Ok, fine. But you better take good care of them.”

“I will, I promise.”

“Good” she smiles.

“Urgh, my little girl is getting married!” my dad says.

“And you are walking me down the aisle, aren't you?” I ask him.

“It'll be my honour” he smiles. “But wait. Are those… Are those the earrings from…”

“Yep.”

“Weren't they at the Victoria and Albert museum in London?”

“They were. And they still belong to them.”

“Then how…”

“I'll tell you later. Now can I please get one of those hugs you give me when I'm feeling nervous? I could really use it right now.”

“Come here” my dad chuckles.

“We love you, Sofía” my mum says, joining our hug. “We love you very much.”

“I love you too” I reply, hugging them a bit tighter.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

“My lady” Pedri smirks, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaning me back before kissing me, everyone cheering for us.

“Here is to the bride and groom! Princess Sofía and Prince Pedro!” Fermín says.

“You were looking forward to saying that weren't you?” I laugh.

“Since the day you two met” he smiles. “Something that would have not happened without me since I was the one who got the idea of going to talk to you and save you from your misery, so here is to me!”

“To Fermín!” everyone laughs while he bows in front of us as if he was the star of a musical or something like that.

“Now that you've had your moment of glory, can we please focus back on the people we are celebrating today?” my grandma says, making Fermín’s face turn bright red.

“Sorry” he says.

“She's just teasing you, bro” Pedri chuckles.

“No, I'm not.”

“Grandma…” I say.

“Fine, yes, I am. You actually are my favourite of all of Pedri's friends” she says, squeezing Fermín's face like only grandmothers can do, making him blush even more.

“I thought I was your favourite” Ferran says.

“It's a different type of favourite” she winks.

“Ok, time to take some photos” I quickly say when I notice her checking out Ferran. “Carlos, are you ready?”

“Yes, ma'am” he smiles. He had kind of become our own personal photographer since our engagement, and surprisingly, he had been on board with our idea of celebrating our wedding like this since the moment we told him. We just couldn't organise everything and keep my bodyguard out of the loop, he is too clever.

“Have I told you yet that you are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen?” Pedri whispers while everyone tries to decide who will be posing with us first.

“A few times, yes. Or have you forgotten how Don Alberto had to scold us during the ceremony because you kept whispering it among other things and making me giggle?”

“Yeah…” he smiles. “But I just couldn't help myself. I can't help myself, my lady. You look gorgeous.”

“Well, you must. And same goes to your hand” I say, when I feel it moving down on my back. “It is too soon for that.”

“Maybe we can sneak out later while they all are busy eating and drinking.”

“We can't…”

“C'mon, Sofía.”

“No.”

“C'mon… Afterwards you always are the one who says we should do it more often.”

“That's not true.”

“It is and you know it” he whispers before kissing that spot on my neck.

“Pedri…”

“Yes, my lady?” he smirks.

“I… I…”

“You… you..."

“Guys, can you please make up your mind with the photos? I really need to use the bathroom” I blurt out, everyone looking my way.

“Use the bathroom for what, my lady?” Pedri whispers in my ear while my parents finally decide they will go first.

“For putting this thing between your legs” I say, quickly moving in front of him to touch him without anyone noticing, making him grunt. “And those lips of yours that were made to kiss and be kissed, to good use.”

“Bloody hell, Sofía” he whispers.

“It sucks to be turned on in front of everyone, doesn't it?” I smirk. “Welcome to the club.”

“All good, guys?” my mum says.

“All good” I say as I turn around and give her my best smile. If only she knew…

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“We did it, my lady” Pedri says while we watch all our friends and family mingling in the garden, the sun setting behind them.

“Getting married or our little bathroom rendezvous?”

“Both” he chuckles. “Can't believe we finally are husband and wife.”

“Me neither” I smile. “Though now that we are married, you can start calling me wife instead of my lady.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. My lady has been my nickname for you since the day we met, and it will stay like that until we are really really old, your hair has gone silver, I am finally bald, and we are surrounded by all our grand and great children. Some great great children too.”

“You and your obsession with going bald” I laugh. “But do I seriously have to deal with you for that long?” I tease him.

“And longer, my lady. That's what this ring means” Pedri says, lifting his hand.

“I thought we promised that until death do us part.”

“Only an idiot would stop loving you after death, Sofía” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer towards him. “And I am not an idiot even if you sometimes call me that.”

“I'm not being serious when I say it. At least not always.”

“And when you tell me that you love me?” he says, moving until his nose is brushing against mine. “Are you always serious when you say that?”

“Always. I was serious the first time I said it, all the times that came after, and will keep being serious every time I say it in the future. Like right now. I love you, Pedri.”

“I love you too, Sofía” he says before kissing me, everyone clapping and whistling when they notice, someone (Fermín, probably) shouting “get a room”.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Sofía! Sofía, over here!”

“Sofía, can we take a photo?”

“Sofía!”

That, and some other not so nice comments, are what I have had to listen to every time I go to the Camp Nou to watch Pedri play. Sometimes even on the street when I leave the office or I'm out and about and someone recognises me, Carlos having to go full on bodyguard. Because, as expected, the official announcement of us being married had broken the internet, our faces being not only wherever you looked on social media and magazines, but also opening the news all over the world.

The first few days had been a complete chaos, paparazzis spending the night outside any place where we could be seen and following anyone related to us. At one point it had gotten so bad, that Barça's security had had to intervene because Pedri's teammates were being harassed by the press, and the palace had had to release an official statement asking people to be respectful and to basically let us breathe.

But once the season started and the initial shock of Pedri now being part of the royal family and of seeing me on the stands supporting him passed, things have been a bit more normal. Having people shouting my name as if I was some superstar like Taylor Swift still feels weird, but I know I can deal with it. I know both Pedri and I can deal with it.

“You know, I liked it better when you were the invisible princess” Irene says when we finally make it to our seats at the Camp Nou.

“Sure” I chuckle.

“I'm serious. Watching the game was easier when we didn't have people constantly looking our way and taking photos of us. Do you know how hard it is to stay focused on not doing anything that could look like I'm picking my nose?”

“Irene, you spend most part of the game looking at your phone or kissing Fer” I chuckle.

Oh, yes. Because those two were a thing now. Officially. Which made the press write some not very nice articles about Pedri and his brother, calling them gold-diggers and similar things. As if Pedri didn't own a fortune on his own, you know?

“That's not true. If they score I celebrate with everyone else” Irene says.

“Last week you celebrated a goal by the other team, tho” Fer says with a teasing smile.

“Oh, shush!” she says, hitting his arm and making him laugh. “But Sofía… Don't you miss being as anonymous as you used to be?”

“Sometimes. But I was calling myself the invisible princess not because of the attention I was getting from the press. I mean, maybe a little, not gonna lie” I chuckle. “It was more about… you know. The people around me. And I stopped feeling like that when I met Pedri. When he made me see that I wasn't invisible, that I mattered and that people did care about me.”

“Something that we always told you. Though I guess it is not the same hearing your sister and your cousins telling you about it, than when a hot Canarian boy does it, uh?”

“I don't know, you tell me” I chuckle, nodding towards Fer.

“Yeah” she smiles. “Does this mean that the invisible princess is dead?”

“Part of me will always be the invisible princess. Now she's just grown. Evolved.”

“Like a Pokémon?” Fer says.

“Something like that, yes” I laugh.

“Then what should we call you now? Mrs. González?” Irene asks me with a teasing smile.

“Idiot” I say, giving her a little push. “But Sofía is fine” I smile as I watch the players jump onto the pitch, Pedri turning our way and doing a little curtsey, his way of telling me he is thinking of me. Of that girl he always saw when not even I could see myself.

Sofía.

#pedri #pedri x reader #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedri gonzalez #pedri fanfic #pedri gonzalez fanfic #pedri imagine #pedri gonzalez imagine #football fanfic #football imagine

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bbobpul · 1 year ago

Text

break my heart again 2 — njm

PAIRING. na jaemin x reader SUMMARY.how's jaemin gonna give back for all of y/n's efforts now that he finally can? it's been years—just how much has everything changed? GENRE. angst, fluff, she fell first 🤭 W/C. 3.5k NOTE. hello, part two is here! so sorry i couldn't make a taglist. i didn't have time to make one. nevertheless, i hope this fic make its way back to you. love u all and thankies sm !!!! also, my requests are open !!!

(⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)⁠!⁠→ my other works !!!!!! part one here!!

i find it hard to picture myself ever being as dedicated to something or someone again, just like how i dedicated my entire college life to na jaemin.

lately, i've been feeling like i forgot what it's like to actually have a dream. back then, na jaemin was my dream, he was my driving force. i would force myself to wake up so early in the morning just so i could see him (or his car) enter the gates of the university. i would go to school even though i am sick and feel a lot better when i get home because i saw na jaemin. but now two years after graduating, i still haven't found a decent job that i actually enjoy.

it's a common experience that many people go through, and i suppose i shouldn't complain about it. maybe i need to put in more effort and push myself harder. part of me wonders if having na jaemin back in my life would rekindle that same sense of dedication that i once had. but as i say these thoughts out loud, they sound absurd, even to myself. why would i wish for my first love to return just so i could find a decent job? why would i long for na jaemin to come back merely to feel that spark in my life again? it's puzzling why i'm even dwelling on thoughts of him and wondering if he holds the key to my happiness and success.

oh, to dream.

oh, for that old dedication to still burn within you.

if only you hadn't acted so dumb that day. could life have taken a different path? are you even happy now? if you hadn't let fear hold you back back then, if you'd actually been brave enough to listen and follow through, would you be happier today?

but no matter how much you keep bothering yourself with that memory, if people come up to you and ask if you feel bad about everything that happened that day, you'd say no. you don't feel bad at all.

deciding to let him go was one of the best things you did. he seemed happy when you left, and after that, you never heard anything about him. he's like a touchy subject in your group of friends, which can be tough sometimes since you share friends. but does it really matter now? him not being in your life probably means he's happier and more peaceful, right?

are you feeling peaceful? is being stuck in a 9-5 job that hardly brought you joy a happy situation? scratch that. did being in that job make you happy? clearly not, as you've just mustered the bravery to quit. and in doing so, you've never felt more joyful.

did you really make the right decision?

just as you were pondering your own question, your phone buzzed on the bedside table. you grabbed it and saw that the caller was renjun, your incredibly patient best friend.

"y/n," he said, his tone becoming unusually serious. "what's up?" you asked. "do you need money?" "yeah?" "here's the deal: our college is putting together a documentary film, and they've chosen your department. but guess what? your old classmates are bombarding me with messages because it looks like you're ignoring them all. frankly, i can't believe you even answered my call," he griped. "wait, hold on. what film? and why would they pick me? are they searching for someone with a post-college life so sad that it belongs in a documentary?" "well, you were practically a legend back in college, so… and apparently, the director specifically wants you, which leads to… well, another issue…" "what's the problem now?" "it's going to be directed by jaemin."

and just like that, you ended the call. but a few seconds later, renjun's call came in again.

"i'm not going to do it." "you stubborn brat." "why him?" "i have no idea!" "why is he even directing? wasn't he studying architecture or something?" "i don't know, y/n. i haven't heard a single thing about him since your graduation." "what do you mean?" "that's not important now, y/n. you're in need of money, right? seize the opportunity. do it for the cash." “so will you do it or will you do it?” “for the cash.”

...

"y/n, you've moved on, haven't you? what's done is done. i'm pretty sure jaemin has forgotten all about it. this chance is coming your way, so just accept it." "i guess i will."

you're drawn in by the idea of making some extra money and the possibility of catching the eye of potential agents or employers. right now, you're at a crossroads, thinking about how this documentary could be a stepping stone to more job opportunities down the line. this situation is different from what usually drives you – this time, it's not about others, it's about focusing on your own goals and aspirations.

you're deliberately avoiding dwelling on your past. just as renjun mentioned, you've moved beyond it. what's done is done. right now, your focus is firmly on the present and the potential that lies ahead in the future.

what's in the past is behind us, including whatever existed between jaemin and you.

from renjun

tomorrow at lunchtime, they'll be going over the schedules and discussing what to film. if you want, you can chat with the director now. his number is 0825 813 2000.

in response, you simply replied with a "okay."

the night before the lunch meeting, a jumble of emotions has you in its grip. the idea of reconnecting with jaemin, who used to be your best friend and is now someone distant, fills you with a sense of awkwardness. you tell yourself that this is about working together and the chance to grow professionally.

after taking a deep breath, you decide to shoot jaemin a text. your fingers hesitate as you type, and the uncertainty you're feeling seems to seep into your message. you finally press send, and your text reads, "hey, it's y/n. heard we're meeting tomorrow for the documentary. just wanted to check in before that."

in almost no time, your phone buzzes with a response: "hey y/n, good to hear from you. yeah, looking forward to our meeting. let's catch up and chat about the project."

the conversation is polite, but beneath the surface, there's an unspoken layer of complexity. you can feel the hesitation in your exchange, a silent recognition of the shared history that's now a distant memory. as you talk about the meeting and the documentary, the easy flow you once had is noticeably absent.

as the texts go back and forth, a sense of tension seems to hang in the air. it's as though the years of friendship you once had are casting a shadow over your conversation. the effortless connection you once shared now requires effort, and both of you can sense the change.

as the conversation wraps up with a simple "see you tomorrow," you're left with a mix of excitement and anxiety. the idea of seeing jaemin again, especially in a professional context, stirs up a range of emotions. this situation is a stark reminder of just how much things have changed – and maybe how some things can't go back to the way they were.

you believed the conversation had concluded, only for your phone to ring once more, bearing yet another message from him. as you read the words on the screen, "i missed you, y/n," a rush of emotions floods over you.

"what's going on with him?" you mutter to yourself, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion. your gaze remains fixed on the message for a moment, your attention drawn to the three blinking dots in the corner – a sign that he's in the process of typing a response. several more seconds tick by, the dots eventually vanishing, and in response, you shut your phone off. you make an attempt to settle into bed and get some rest, but truth be told, it's hard to claim you managed to sleep soundly that night. an undercurrent of thoughts and emotions keeps your mind restless.

the day of lunch lunch finally arrived. you sat across from jaemin, his words forming a distant hum as your thoughts remained clouded and preoccupied. the lingering impact of his recent message kept you in a state of unease, making it difficult to fully engage in the conversation he was leading.

then, something inside you snapped, and you found yourself abruptly interrupting him with a question that had been gnawing at you, "why me?"

he looked at you, his gaze steady, and his response was quick, "why not you?"

your frustration simmered as his words hit you. he was choosing to be cryptic, and it was only adding to your confusion. pushing past your exasperation, you pressed on, "listen, i know we didn't part on the best terms, but why come back now and act like everything's fine? i mean, sure, it's better than hostility, but why choose me? i'm the one who's no longer part of your life."

his expression remained neutral, void of any emotions as he replied, "that's not true."

you raised an eyebrow, challenging him to elaborate. "what's not true?"

"that you have nothing to do with my life, y/n," he stated firmly.

the weight of his words settled heavily between you two, the gravity of the situation growing more apparent. the lunch table had transformed into an arena for confronting unresolved issues.

you scoffed, unable to hold back your disbelief. "jaemin, i made one mistake, and now you're trying to imply that my actions shaped your entire life?"

his eyes held yours, unwavering. "y/n, it's not just about that one mistake. everything that followed, everything that shaped who i am today… it's all connected to you."

your mind reeled, trying to grasp the enormity of what he was suggesting. the complexities of your shared history seemed to crash over you, leaving you grappling with a whirlwind of emotions and a tangled web of unspoken feelings.

the weight of his words left you momentarily speechless, and in an attempt to shift away from the intensity, you sought to change the subject. "where are the other producers? why is it just you here?"

"y/n…" he began, his tone suggesting he wanted to continue the previous conversation.

however, you opted to sidestep the discussion entirely. you pretended as if the profound exchange hadn't just occurred. "i notice you're taking on the role of a director now. quite the career shift, huh?" you inquired, masking your internal turmoil with a casual demeanor. you acted as if there hadn't been a two-year gap in your connection, as though things between you were perfectly ordinary.

he met your gaze, a faint hint of something unreadable in his eyes. "i pursued another dream when i felt i'd lost the chance for my first one."

"your first dream… not architecture, then?" you prodded, curious about the direction he had taken.

he shook his head, a soft chuckle escaping him, leaving you puzzled yet again. "no, not architecture. well, i suppose that just wasn't meant for me back then, but maybe it is now."

the cryptic nature of his response only added to the layers of confusion and intrigue that surrounded him. there was something about the way he spoke that hinted at deeper currents beneath the surface, emotions and experiences that he hadn't fully revealed. you found yourself torn between the desire to push for answers and the instinct to allow him his privacy. the lunch meeting had transformed into a stage for untangling not just the complexities of the documentary but also the intricate web of emotions and history between you and jaemin.

leaving the restaurant, a whirlwind of unanswered questions dances in your mind. yet, for now, you choose to tuck those thoughts away, focusing instead on the looming filming date just a few days away – next saturday.

in the span of time between that lunch and the upcoming shoot, jaemin proves consistent in his attempts to bridge the gap between you two. he regularly reaches out, updating you about his day and proposing get-togethers, which you consistently decline.

the days pass, marked by a series of messages and missed opportunities. despite the undeniable tension, there's an undeniable persistence on jaemin's part, a determined effort to reconnect and reestablish a sense of familiarity. however, your apprehensions and the memories of your past dynamics hold you back, keeping you from embracing his overtures.

as the countdown to the filming day continues, you find yourself in a delicate dance – balancing the unresolved history between you and the prospects of the future. the lines between your personal and professional lives are blurred, and the documentary project becomes a backdrop against which the intricacies of your relationship with jaemin play out.

you find yourself constantly pondering what his intentions could be. his actions leave you wondering, and you can't help but question what he's aiming for. in your perspective, you're merely a negative aspect of his life – a streak of misfortune. you would have expected him to have learned from the past, but his determination remains unshakeable.

as you contemplate these thoughts, your phone lights up once more, bearing yet another message from him. his name on the screen triggers a whirlwind of emotions – a mixture of uncertainty, annoyance, and a hint of curiosity. opening the message, you brace yourself for whatever he might convey this time. the consistency in his attempts at communication only serves to deepen the intricate web of emotions you hold for him, leaving you caught between your shared history and the unpredictability of the present.

"the offer's still there, y/n. :)" "jaemin, let's be real. just because i'm on board with your documentary idea doesn't mean we're suddenly best buds again. a lot has changed." "i want to reconnect, though." "actually, scratch that. i want to get to know you all over again." "jaemin, i appreciate the effort, but let's keep things professional, okay?" “i’m sorry, y/n. goodnight.”

after your straightforward message, his responses ceased. a silence settled in, stretching on until saturday – the day you were set to see him again. the anticipation and uncertainty had been building, and now the moment was finally at hand.

you stepped into the studio and immediately noticed that you and jaemin were the only ones present. your confusion must have been evident on your face, prompting him to address the situation promptly.

"um, the team thought having fewer people in the room would create a more personal atmosphere," he began, his voice carrying a hint of unease. "and, well, they decided to keep me here, you know, being the director and all, and also because we have a history…"

his words trailed off, and there was a subtle vulnerability in his tone. it was as if he was acknowledging the intricacies of your past connection, while simultaneously recognizing the complexities it introduced into your current dynamic. the studio, usually a place of creativity and collaboration, had transformed into a space laden with the weight of your shared history.

"it's okay," you responded, your words carrying a touch of reassurance. as your reply registered, a faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips – a detail you couldn't help but notice. after all, it was that very smile that had ignited four years of your life, a smile that held memories and emotions you had both shared.

"um, i'll just ask you a few questions, and then you're free to go," he stated, his voice carrying a hint of nervousness that didn't escape your notice. this new facet of his demeanor felt unfamiliar to you, a departure from the confident jaemin you had known.

you found yourself disliking this uneasiness, and a thought occurred to you – maybe it was time to rekindle something within him. as he began asking you questions, you decided to respond in a way that would evoke a certain familiarity between you two. it was a subtle attempt to bridge the gap, to draw out the person you once knew.

you had believed that his silence was what you wanted. you had convinced yourself that distancing yourself from him would protect you from the past mistakes. but now, facing the reality of the situation, you realized that perhaps a certain selfishness was ingrained within you. maybe, just maybe, you yearned to erase the distance, to defy your own rationalizations.

in this moment, you found yourself yearning to rekindle what had been lost, to bring back a connection that once meant so much. the conflicting emotions within you painted a complex picture of your desires – a battle between self-preservation and the longing for something more.

however, as you locked eyes with him and saw the lack of any discernible emotion in his gaze, a haunting wave of fear resurfaced within you. in that moment, it was as if time rewound, taking you back to the day of your graduation when your heart and spirit had felt shattered. the memory of that painful experience rushed back, accompanied by the doubts and uncertainties that had plagued you.

if you were to truly confront your own feelings, you'd admit that what you witnessed that night had left you questioning your own worth. the events had stirred up doubts about whether you had ever been deserving of taking risks for, whether you had ever been someone worth fighting for.

"hey, good morning, y/n."

"morning, director."

"how's today treating you?"

"pretty good, thanks."

"hmm, and what's life been like after college?"

"…"

"take your time."

"at first, i felt okay. my friends were all getting closer to their dreams, and i was genuinely happy for them. especially…"

"especially who?"

"especially the person i left behind."

"…"

"i was content being happy for someone else. then another year went by, and i wasn't feeling so great anymore."

"do you really think they're happy?"

"hmm?"

"the person you left behind."

"yeah. and my other friends seem happy too. they've got jobs they love, they're with people they care about, and i only had… renjun *laughs* … but sometimes, i can't help but feel like i'm the one who got left behind, you know? even though i was the one who walked away."

"let's talk about your person."

"oh *laughs* he's not my person."

pausing for a moment, you glanced at jaemin behind the camera. the question lingered in your mind: what was he trying to do? his actions and intentions remained a puzzle.

his expression grew serious, his gaze fixed intently on you. it was as if he had something to convey, something he was holding back.

"the last time i actually saw him was in an instagram post. he was with some girl. it happened on my graduation day. i waited the whole day, hoping he'd appear in the midst of the crowd. when he didn't, i held onto the possibility of seeing him by the gates. but that didn't happen either. my last hope was maybe he'd send me a single message, but by the end of the day, nothing came. then i went on instagram and saw a photo – a warning, i guess. a warning that i should just stop hoping. that… happened a few weeks later, i think. or maybe it was just a few days after our argument, the one where he told me he couldn't love… yeah."

you met his gaze and once again, his face was serious. his eyes were furrowed and his mouth was slightly open. a few moments passed, and he let out a shaky breath. screw it, you thought, it's out there now and i don't care anymore.

your silent exchange was interrupted as he shifted the camera away. confusion clouded your thoughts as you watched him move. he turned back to you, his expression still serious, and then he grabbed a chair from the nearby table. he sat down with his back facing you.

the room felt charged with unspoken emotions, leaving you to question his intentions and actions. it was as if he was peeling away layers, searching for something beneath the surface.

"did you know that…" he began, his voice breaking the silence. "she was his sister?"

"i never told you about her, that's on me," he admitted with a chuckle. "that was her last day, y/n. so i decided to spend the entire day with her. i'm sorry."

you were taken aback. "i'm sorry–"

"it's okay, y/n."

"i know i left you with so many questions that night, but let me tell you… every effort you made, every cookie you baked, i cherished all of it. i loved you. i'm sorry if my actions made you doubt yourself."

another pause filled the air.

"i left when you left."

"you were my dream. architecture wasn't really my passion, you know? i was struggling a lot, but luckily, you were there with me. i decided to chase after what i truly loved when you left, because i realized if i wanted you back in my life, it should be when i'm at my best, right? i wasn't lying when i said i couldn't love. i didn't want to love you when i was broken. i wanted to be the best version of myself for you. i thought that if i wanted you to be with the best person, then that should be me. so i became that person, a director, and then i planned all of this." his eyes finally met yours.

"i was always looking at you."

tears welled up in your eyes, and he seemed to notice. he took a step towards you and enveloped you in his arms.

"i'm sorry for not holding onto you back then, baby. but i promise, i won't let go of you now," he whispered.

"i'm sorry for leaving, jaemin," you sobbed.

"shh, you did what you thought was right."

"do you want to have lunch with me now?" he asked.

a mixture of emotions flooded your heart, and with a nod, you replied, "yes, jaemin."

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the-tarot-witch22 · 6 months ago

Note

First of all a big thankyou to you for always cheering me up and making me feel confident within my work, I'm so happy to know that you liked them. And yes it is actually funny because I do get some vibes of you two having same religion/culture yet I was also receiving something about European country/london especially so I was like is it a foreigner? But same culture hmm. But anything is possible so whatever that is you deserve the best and I'm sure you'll receive it. Also your fs definitely wants the best for you and love yourself, i also feel your higher-self would love herself too and as she should!!

Here's a feedback; OMG! Just few seconds in the reading and I'm already tearing up, because please the reading if just so beautiful :)) Okay so hearing about healing and self-love and all I'm just so happy because I've been doing a lot of shadow work and self-love is something very important to me now so knowing that my higher would reach that point of life where she's receiving the fruits of her hardwork I am very emotional, "Go for it" how do I explain i words what it meant to me because I was just thinking about things in life and all, especially about my career and then I hear this. Definitely I'm someone who's still learning to trust herself and all it was a huge sign for me especially for the steps I've been wanting to take/taking. Hearing about friends made me so greatful because I've been kind of unlucky when it comes to friendships especially offline (ik it also had a reason) so that is just so beautiful. Also about luxuries and money, and my higher-self??? She's exactly what i want to be or imagine her to me omg. Yeah like f*ck it, wait last life connection came here too?? And my fs popping up in ng reading again okay this reading is all I needed I am gonna give myself a good cry. And also that's so true I'm definitely the type of even now who looks at past just to remind myself how far I've came and what they've taught me and feel greatful even for those tough moments. "I also feel pink, green (pastel) or dark shades have importance in your life" wow please i should kiss your hands rn because it resonates even with colours, like i really love pastel shades and dark shades, and i would say they do play a role since when i wear dark clothes i feel much more confident and tune within mymasculine energy and with light colours with my feminine energy and I'm sure that maybe these colours play another roles too. "felt you standing in front of mirror and admiring it" *cries again* because I do have struggled with my body since my childhood and very insecure of it because of how skinny I look, and seeing her admiring her parts made me realise a lot. And yes I am a forgiving person and I've already forgiven everyone woah please you picked on the present too!?? Also about job, and career with growth...(Just so very greatful) Literally so very greatful because that's what I've wanting to give myself and even the higher position/business definitely aligns with my goals. And coming to my intuition and the Messages just blessed!! I am definitely gonna start hearing it more and also about the mysteries it makes sense and resonates (I'm surprised) because it's just a huge confirmation to me. Also coming to education, honey it resonates again because that's one of my biggest goals. Also "thankyou for meeting me baby" my pookie baby i already love you so much you popping up in the reading again!!!? Or atleast knowing something about you, it's okay love ik we'll meet when the timing is right. 🤍🫂 Also the moodboard?? Bro it's just so beautiful energetically and the fact I do see so many angel numbers, 444 too. Okay everything literally everything RESONATES!!

How do I explain in words how greatful i feel. Love you so very much honey, i really appreciate each and every moment, really greatful that I met you. Everything has a reason and I'm it had too. Sending my warmest hugs to my sweetheart, you are amazing don't question yourself. You are moving forward and making progress and that's a really huge thing, things take time but ik we'll be okay!!

Proud of you bub. Have an amazing day ahead. Sending lots of love and blessings 🫶🏻🤍✨🧿

You sweetheart!! I love you so so much 😭🌼 you deserve the compliments and your readings work is literally so gooood!? How can I not like it! You are so sweet for giving me both readings and moodboard and they resonated so much with me, it made me so emotional and happy thank you sm, I appreciate you so much that I can't describe in words, my love yes exactly!! Its funny maybe that country has important value in both of our lives I am just so excited to meet him! I love him already! Yess, we will have everything we deserve and I am sure the universe is working our favour!! Amen 🙏

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

The detailed feedback?? I am so in love with it , you are so so sweet 😭 the messages I kept picking on it was like everything your higherself wants you to hear and lessen your worries and doubts, your future spouse/soulmate he really wants to give you love and confirmation that he is out there, the way lovers card flew and pop up and I was like he is too excited to show himself to you lol, and it was cute, I am happy for him and for you 😭 I am so glad you liked the moodboard I kept feeling drawn to those pictures and I know they all had something for you, to feel and hear, I am literally smiling and feeling just so emotional?? Like I am so glad for the feedback and they way our energy aligns it just made me so so happy! I am so glad your higher self has everything , she literally is the sweetest, thank you so much for letting me read for you, ilysm!

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

Love you more! And I am definitely sure it had a meaning and I am glad we met, thank you so much, sending love and hugs to you as well!! Yess! We both are and I know things will look up for us, I just know it. Yess everything will be~!

✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼✨️🌼

Thank you so much for this and I am proud of you too! Have an amazing day too!! Sending love and positive vibes to you tooo ! 🧿✨️🌼🎀

#tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarot feedback #tarotblr #free tarot reading #witchblr

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justine1268 · 4 months ago

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Genuine Question About Broppy getting Children In The Future... (long rant incoming)

Am I the only one who really wouldn't like an accidental/"surprise"/ unexpected/unwanted/unplanned/unintended Broppy child in future canon and who isn't really all that overjoyed about the idea of them having one in the future in general? I want to know.

I kind of feel like the only one because I haven't seen anyone else be so genuinely confused as to why the first situation is such a widespread and beloved thing in the fandom. If you do, please feel free to let me know what you find so appealing about it, because I'm not so sure I understand in all honesty and I want to get it.

I want to say that I really don't mean to come across as rude or hateful towards anyone who created Broppy children that would fit into the current canon who were unplanned! I just want to give my own perspective on it and why I personally feel iffy about that scenario.

A lot of my opinion here is also related to my personal attachment towards the ship itself. It's the first one I've had and for more than 7 years at the time of writing this, they've consistently been part of my life during this time. It's the ship I've been invested in the most.

The reason why I'm worried about this is because in Shrek, an other DreamWorks franchise, him and his wife had unexpected children. If they decide to make an other story like this:

Branch and Poppy is one of their few romantic relationships from ongoing franchises and a very popular one at the moment, so it could be with them.

There's a multitude of reasons why I rather have them want and desire a child before it happens and also to have it be almost a last part of the franchise addition. Like, one of the last things we get out of their relationship.

If it happens accidentally, depending on the context, it could likely be because they weren't careful. I feel like this is especially out of Branch's character. We know one of his major traits is making things the safest possible, he's hectic whenever something could be trouble. I think he probably would put action to avoid getting an unwanted egg as much as he could. We know Poppy can be kind of reckless, but she listens to Branch now and I don't think she is enough to not do any prevention and roll with it. She loves to throw herself head first into danger, but when she truly thinks she'll be okay. If she knows her own safety or well-being are really at risk, she takes it more seriously.

Obviously, putting characters through tough situations is the whole point of a storyline, but when it comes to them getting a child, it is something that (I'm assuming because we don't really know much about that yet) they CAN or at least should be able to control so...I think they should.

I don't want them having a toddler to get in the way of their relationship. I want lots more of just them two. A toddler, unless they don't show up for much, would take up a lot of moments that would otherwise be only with them. I want to get a lot more moments of solely them and focusing on their relationship with each other before a baby comes in!

Their characters, if, let's say, an infant or egg is with them during most events of a movie, I believe would be reduced to having to meet their needs. They're now tied down to needing to care for them and they lose that freedom they currently have. They'll have to be like "Ah, no, can't do that, got a baby." I don't want that.

I find it still way too early in canon for them to have children and that they should really be able to enjoy their time together and with their loved ones for now. Considering all Branch has gone through and the years he spent alone, being at such a low point, I don't want him to have the added responsibility, stress and worries of a parent so soon. I want him to be able to just have good times and hang out with his friends, girlfriend and family.

Both him and Poppy are so busy already, not to mention Branch is a person who really needs alone time. Give him a baby and that's going to be a whole lot harder.

It doesn't even seem to me like it's something they want in the future for now. Branch wants to marry Poppy, we already know that, but neither of them have ever mentioned wanting to have kids someday. Poppy already works with little trolls and loves it, but she has never said she wants one herself someday. Branch doesn't seem like it's crossing his mind. All he wants is to be Poppy's significant other.

I don't want a "surprise" Broppy kid and not know what went wrong or why it was so. If it's like Shrek, they'll leave that part ambiguous and I am not going to be happy about that. If they're going down that road, I at least want to know if they were intending on being careful at all. (Obviously brought up in a way that's appropriate for PG content).

Kids being raised by parents who didn't want them to arrive isn't ideal to me. Yes, parents can have regrets on deciding to have children in a way down the line and it doesn't mean they'll do a bad job, I agree the ship would make awesome parents, but it can be a lot more difficult thanks to that.

Look. I love the idea of them having little ones someday, I really do! I just wish it to happen way later on in the timeline than now, and most of all, I seriously want them to intend and want to have a baby before they do (we'll likely know if it's accidental, since, like I said, they did that in Shrek).

Scenarios I'd appreciate in canon:

1- They get married or just engaged in whichever next installment we'll get or stay only a couple and have a child or children that they planned on having years later.

2- They adopt a child/children which they either stumble upon or meet at an orphanage. They still look like their own, their colors being a sort of mix between Branch and Poppy's possible colors and being pop trolls (honestly, my favorite idea for a Broppy child).

3- It arrives at least a couple years after their romantic relationship has started (either still a committed couple, engaged or married), it wasn't intended or expected at all, from an unknowingly failed appropriate prevention method. They would be suggested the opportunity to abort, but they choose to keep their egg/eggs that resulted and raise them.

Scenarios I don't want:

1- It's a Shrek The Third 2.0 where it's left very ambiguous what happened with any time jump or none.

2- Unwanted egg from not trying to prevent it, no time jump at all. They have to raise their child/children as the early official couple they are now.

3- A baby/babies they didn't want and weren't careful for with a truly effective method, years or not after they're made official.

4- The child wasn't really wanted from both sides. Either one of them wasn't actually happy about the idea.

If we mostly get content of them out of the newborn stage (between about 5-18 years old), we get to know them once they already have built a personality. The child also has some amount of autonomy so the parents won't have to impose as much and we can still get only them both interacting pretty often. Kind of like in How To Train Your Dragon where Nuffink and Zephyr were already kids when we met them.

I think that's the idea I'd enjoy the most. Branch and Poppy wouldn't be tied down as much(also yes I'd want to see them getting older. Something so bittersweet in seeing a long time ship of mine age together...chef's kiss with that.) I'd get attached to the child a lot more easily as a character and I'd just love to see how the couple handles their youth.

Like I said: I do see lots of positives. I love the idea of them getting a child to build sweet, deep bonds with. The idea of caring, super invested dad Branch makes me melt. Him getting through that has something that can beautiful and powerful considering his story. It adds another person for him to love. A lot of wholesomeness and emotions to be explored! It can bring more to his relationship with Poppy as well! A supportive dynamic that's always ready to advise each other and to work through when it gets harder...yeah. It's simply great! It's a good foundation for a child to grow up on.

I just have some preferences for how it happens. Thank you for reading my long opinion piece!

#trolls #trolls band together #trolls broppy #trolls branch #dreamworks trolls #trolls world tour #trolls poppy #broppy #trolls 2 #trolls 3 #dreamworks animation #broppy kid #broppy kids #broppy child #broppy children #trolls fandom

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jedusaur · 2 years ago

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Recs: Clint/Bucky fics with 200-500 kudos

after going through the entire Clint/Bucky pairing tag on AO3, I did a recs post for my favorite fics with under 200 kudos (a range covering more than half of the works in the tag) and now I've decided to do one for fics with 200-500 kudos (another ~quarter of the tag). there are 36 pages of fic with more than 500 kudos, so I figure most people won't get to these on a casual binge.

What Spring Does With the Cherry Trees, by @bittercape (32k) Bucky moves into Clint's apartment building and starts working on figuring out what he likes. this one has that lovely chill vibe where they both kinda know where their relationship is heading and neither of them is in too much of a rush to get there, which is my absolute favorite kind of slow burn, and there's a lot of focus on reflection and healing and self-care and just hangin out being comfortable with each other <3

You Can Never Go Home Again, by @flawedamythyst (49k) Clint and Bucky get sent back in time to 1939, and Bucky slowly unlearns his internalized homophobia and realizes that the "just two straight buddies helping each other out" handjobs they've been exchanging are not actually straight. I did a literal double-take when I saw how few kudos this had, it is one of my favorite fics in this pairing and it has the single hottest first kiss I have ever read in my entire life

Delicate Tension, by @feedmecookiesnow (53k) beautiful, quiet, sweet, sexy road trip fic, with lots of pleasant imagery in Bucky's photography and a satisfying slow-ish burn that resolves about halfway through so there's some nice early relationship navigation too. the tags are accurate but don't really convey the vibe of it, the trauma stuff is fairly low-key and the general feel is uplifting. also, the choice of tattoo on Clint's ass is INSPIRED, just an absolute *chef's kiss* bit of characterization there

Days That Used To Last A Lifetime, by @there-must-be-a-lock (10k) in which Clint is a dog walker and Bucky is a shameless flirt and both of them are a hot mess and do a lot of recreational drugs and end up murmuring secrets to strangers at ass o'clock in the morning in someone else's apartment

Sequestered, by @lizabethl (38k) in which Clint and Bucky are separately sent off to the same beach house for a much-needed vacation, then hop back on duty just long enough to temporarily acquire a child. deals with some tough stuff but it's mostly about healing and connection and growth

Hydra's Bite, by @flawedamythyst (118k) Buffy AU with a long piney slow burn and great found-family vibes. Clint is the Xander who rescues Bucky from a nest of hydras, Natasha is the Slayer, Coulson is kind of the Giles except undead, Jarvis is the ghost butler, Bruce has a demon living in him, and Tony inherited leadership of the Watchers' Council from his dad. also there's a running joke about all the demons Clint has fucked XD

quickly dream away the time; and then the moon, by @cloud--atlas (16k) Clint is housesitting Tony Stark's mansion in the Hamptons when Lucky gets through a hole in the hedge and makes friends with the hot rich neighbor

Gonna Be My Girl?, by @mightymightygnomepriest (46k) Clint and Bucky hook up while Clint is dressed up as a schoolgirl for Halloween, then they both make some assumptions they shouldn't be making and Clint keeps fucking Bucky in girl mode only. I'm not generally a fan of this kind of miscommunication-based plot, but this one really worked for me

The Middle of the Story, by @lissadiane (13k) look. I know you're gonna read the tag "Clint is literally a unicorn" and immediately want to roll your eyes and close the tab. I know. just... *takes you by the shoulders and looks intensely into your eyes* just trust me, okay

Personal Security (Let's Go Steal Ourselves a Remix), by @supervillainny (8k) Clint develops an inconvenient crush on the head of security at the art gallery he and Nat are about to rob

Boris the Soviet Love Hammer, by @bittercape (11k) the title/tags/summary make this one sound way crackier than it is, it's just a fun get-together fic with a few shenanigans. the part where they're fighting bad guys and Steve goes "Hawkeye, NO" and Clint is just like :D "Hawkeye yes" :D made me laugh very very hard

Universal Constant, by @mariana-oconnor (16k) Clint gets knocked into another dimension where Bucky is a stripper, bangs him, then finds that dimension's Clint and bangs both of them together. A+ no notes

how do you want me, by @feathers-and-cigarettes and @sevdrag (6k) deliciously twisted hookup-turned-attempted-murder-turned-back-to-hookup

All Bark, All Bite, by @hawksonfire (6k) he was a werewolf, he was a vampire, can I make it any more obvious

#recs #fic #marvel #winterhawk #clint barton #bucky barnes #fandom #text

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practically-an-x-man · 9 months ago

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I'm back with an OC ask :3

What would your characters bring for a week long camping trip? Who's actually prepared and has done this before? Who's running out of food on day two? Who's saying 'fuck it' and disappearing off into the woods, never to be seen again?

Ooooh thank you!!

Rae: Hasn't been camping before, but she grew up in a rural town and has spent a lot of time traveling internationally. She'd do some research, bring some decent supplies (but might overpack a little out of first-trip anxiety), and would have a decent if not perfectly streamlined week.

Robin: Probably ends up underprepared and has to send Peter out for a quick resupply halfway through the week, but they have a really good time despite the struggles and hitches.

Madison: Dude, she LIVES for this! She grew up camping, and at one point spent five years living out in the wilderness, so she's absolutely golden here. If she's on her own, she's probably just bringing her knives and the clothes on her back, as a challenge to keep her survival skills sharp. If she's going with her family or friends, she'll bring some more typical camping supplies (and a lot of marshmallows) so it's actually fun and decently comfortable.

Ophelia: Nope. She is a city girl, has been her whole life, even getting her to agree to a camping trip in the first place would take an act of god. If she has to go, she's picking a camping resort with cabins and dedicated trails and organization, and she's still a little miserable with the spiders in the shower stalls and the mosquitos and the lack of technology.

Gia: She's a tough one: she'd enjoy camping itself, and she'd have fun hiking through the forest and looking at all the plant life (especially the interactions between species, like parasitic vines on trees and that sort of thing). However, getting her to leave her shop, and the clover that holds her life force, is a very difficult task even just for a few hours, so it would be hard to convince her to leave for a whole week. In the end, she brings a pot of her clover with her for security, and is anxious and jumpy the first couple days, but eventually settles down a little and learns to enjoy it.

Jasper: Grew up out in the boondocks on the outskirts of New Orleans, so stuff like bugs and wildlife isn't going to bother them. Kyle gets a little uncomfortable (the humidity makes his scars itch, and some of it reminds him of Misty from when he was first brought back), and they end up calling it quits halfway through the week and spending the second half of the trip at a hotel, but it was kind of a nice break from their usual chaotic lives.

Kestrel: Is just disappearing into the woods. I mean, they're a changeling, they already live in a cabin on a magical wildlife preserve, a camping trip would most likely just be a mission to another preserve for them, which they've done hundreds it not thousands of times. It's easy, it's familiar, it's not even a big deal.

Katherine: Has been camping a few times as a kid, but never as long as a week. I could see her taking a little trip upstate with Jace and Emily and turning it into a little friends-trip, but they'd definitely rent an RV and go to a campsite somewhere instead of just going out to the middle of the wilderness. It would be fun! Definitely becomes an annual thing, though not any more than an annual thing, if you get what I mean.

Quinn: Please god no. She would probably die. She's lived in cities her whole life, sleeping on the ground would be an absolute nightmare for her joints, and there's just... really not much for her to do? If there's water nearby, she could swim, but she's not going hiking up a mountain any time soon. If it was some cosmic curse where she has to go camping Or Else, they'll book a camping resort somewhere and spend most of the week just killing time in the cabin they rented.

Eris: Probably brings a few basic supplies, but could also just live off the land if they had to. They honestly don't enjoy camping very much (it's just so quiet, and they've gotten used to the comfort of the modern world), so it's kind of a dull week for him, but he doesn't run into any serious trouble... unless she tries to fight an alligator or mountain lion just for the hell of it, because she would.

Nikoletta: She's a tough one. She knows how to survive on her own, but only in an urban setting, so there's pros and cons to all of this. Pro: she doesn't have to deal with people or social situations or anything like that. Con: she would really rather be back at her apartment, in her bed with her cats and Abner, instead of a sleeping bag in a tent. Pro: she's never been camping before, and finally has the freedom for new experiences like this. Con: she's never been camping before, and has no fucking clue what she's doing. Pro: she could bring Abner and turn it into a nice bit of alone time for the two of them. Con: that just reminds her of Corto Maltese, and he's even more uncomfortable with the bugs and the mud than she is.

Jimmy: I mean... he's a ghost. He doesn't need to eat, drink, or sleep, he can't get hurt by any animals or toxic plants, a camping trip for him would really just be him wandering through the woods for a while and hoping he doesn't get lost. It probably turns into more than a week... he's a city boy in his life and his death, and he definitely doesn't know where he is.

#my friends!!!#answered asks #my ocs #jasper wilson #ophelia octavius #oc quinn/aces #madison douglas #oc kestrel #rae mckinney #robin cassidy #oc katherine johnson #gia pantazis #oc eris #nikoletta bordeaux #jimmy luciano

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cryptidsurveys · 2 months ago

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Sunday, November 10th, 2024.

One of your friends tells you they are going to train to become a cop. Your reaction? It would surprise me if Ollie told me that because they've never expressed an interest in that profession, but I probably wouldn't have much of a reaction. I might ask them why out of curiosity, but that's about it.

Would you ever consider working for the government? Naw. Honestly, working at the animal shelter is the only job I can see myself doing long term. I don't think I could bring the same level of passion and commitment to anything else.

If you had a magical pencil and everything you drew became real, what would you draw? Lmao, if only I could draw.

Your boots were made for: Nonexistence. I am considering purchasing a pair of boots, though. My flimsy ass 15 dollar Walmart shoes are not holding up against all the slush and snow.

The last person you would want to be stranded on a desert island with is: Excluding serial killers, cannibals, and obvious answers like that…let's go with Alex.

Your partner takes an airplane trip. The plane disappears and is never found. How long do you wait for them to return before you begin looking for a new partner? I would probably just assume they were deceased, but that doesn't mean I would immediately begin looking for another partner. Even if they died from some more common cause, I would still have to go through the grieving process, and I can't exactly predict how long that would take.

What would you like to touch? A few weeks ago, I would have said HUMPHREY. But we can pet him now. :')

Does anything you own glow in the dark? I have some glow-in-the-dark stars on my walls.

Would you rather ride a dragon or a unicorn? Dragon.

Do things just always go right for you? They do have a funny way of working out in the end, but I have to go through a lot of shit first.

Are you more like Spongebob who does nothing right but still everything good happens to, or like Squidward who tries to do things right and ends up having nothing good happen to him? Both. Considering how stupid I've been, life has been incredibly merciful. But then there are times when I'm just like…fvck. I'm trying my best. Can I puh-lease catch a break?

Has learning to spell become obsolete? No.

Who do you find yourself in constant conflict with? Why the conflict? I'm not in constant conflict with anyone, but like I mentioned in a recent survey, tensions are arising in cattery again. I'm going to do my best to stay out of it and refrain from choosing sides, but I'm also kind of bummed out. I guess it's human nature, though. Can't group people together without some inevitable gossip/drama.

What subjects do you refuse to talk about? Why are you hiding from them? There are things I won't talk about with just anyone, but it's not as though I never talk about them. I "hide" a lot about my personal life because it's no one's business. I don't want their input or judgement.

Are you every parent’s wet dream? I mean…why you gotta say it like that…

Everyone starts in the garden of Eden but no one can stay there. Why not?

Would you want to join a club that would have you as a member?

When you are exposed to the artwork (poetry, painting etc) of a friend, family member, or acquaintance, how likely are you to criticize it? Unless they specifically asked me for a critique, then I probably wouldn't give one. I would just enjoy it for what it was.

Do you mentally reject people? Before speaking to them? Depends on the situation. Sometimes I don't need to speak to someone to know I want nothing to do with them.

Are you arrogant? About what? I don't think so.

Name the ten bands you are the biggest fan of: This is tough because I'm more of a "song here, song there" type of person. I'm not a big fan of any one band (or ten bands) in particular.

Big nose, is it ugly or does it give the face character? I don't really care what someone's nose looks like.

Who has rejected you? Who have you rejected? Diane still won't make eye contact or interact with me unless she absolutely has to, and I'm just like damn, do you really despise me that much? Over what was essentially your own behavior?

Natural body odor or perfumes and colognes? I don't wear perfume/cologne, but I do wear deodorant.

When you hear someone make a joke about something, will you later make the same joke to someone else as if you had just thought it up? Maybe not as though I made it up, but I'm not necessarily going to interrupt the flow or delivery just to be like, btw, here's my source.

What if someone just says something intelligent, would you use what they said later as if you had made it up? Same as above. Not trying to steal credit or steal someone's thunder, but at some point, I'm going to consider the information integrated into my own thought process.

Ever think about moving to Alaska to live as a hermit? Every fvcking day of my fvcking life.

You are interested in a potential mate who is already attached. Do you encourage him or her to leave their current catch or try to find someone all alone? Not interested in trying to wreck someone's relationship. Plus, if they would leave their partner for me, then they would probably leave me for someone else just as easily.

Do you play in the snow? I have.

Are you an angel in disguise?

Are you a rockstar only no one knows it yet? Naw.

Why do you choose to listen to the music you listen to? Makes me feel good.

Does music these days suck? Some is good, some is bad. That's probably true for every era of music.

Do you find desolation and darkness sometimes beautiful? I am a huge fan of darkness. Maybe not so much desolation (although I do often find it beautiful), but darkness is just so cozy. I have the opposite form of seasonal depression. I hate it when it's all sunny all the time. I need snow and rain and gloom to thrive.

#survey #surveys #personal survey #survey blog #random survey

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magicaleraser94 · 5 months ago

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Hey ya'll ^^

As some of you may have noticed, I've suddenly become very active on this account, reblogging things and posting a few peices of art (some have really blown up, tysm ^^), after being radio silent for about two years. A lot has happened in my life since I had stopped posting. Here's a post to fill you guys in :D

My YT channel hit 1k subs!

...and I haven't really posted since :|

I got into Hermitcraft, the Life Series, and Empires SMP just before DSMP kinda faded. I'm a big fan of Grian and his content, as well as Martyn Inthelittlewood and Bdubs's Hermitcraft 10 series. They've inspired my art and were there for most of my style development. They're my comfort creators.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It's been kind of tough, since most of the therapists in my area are kinda shit. But I'm doing a lot better now thanks to my family, friends, and a good ol medication.

I started playing DND! It's been one of my favorite pastimes. Made a few joke characters, as well as some pretty serious ones. My usual character is Akuji, a half-orc fighter with a past as a psychotic smuggler.

(Due to action surge and a weapon she collected from fighting the dnd equivalent of Elsa, she can deal a max of eighty damage in one turn.)

I began playing Sky: Children of the Light. Made some friends. Lost some friends. The players are gentle and unique, and the community is one of the kindest that I've had the honor to be in. I also became a bit of a lore-addict, and most of my theories have been proven correct through the trailers for The Two Embers. I even created a character with my own lore :3

I became invested in Ish's State Experiments. I've become a pretty popular artist in the State Server, and I was the first to be featured in a special channel dedicated to State Art. While it's not something I should be super excited about, since our community is smaller than most, that very accomplishment has brought me into a group of kind, fellow artists, and funny content creators who I have made unforgettable connections with.

Also, meet "Blob" Soggy, the personified version of my discord username. I draw her a lot, and use her as little reaction images when I'm talking.

Found IMMENSE joy in Indie horror games, such as Bendy and the Ink Machine (and DR), the Little Nightmares Saga, Five Nights at Freddie's, Mortuary Assistant (introduced by one of the content creators in State), and quite a few more. Also, Hollow Knigth got mixed in there, even tho it's not horror

I'm in a relationship :). My boyfriend is a complete gentleman and looks kinda like a skinnier Newt Scamander. We've been going steady for 3 months.

I stumbled upon Dimension 20: Fantasy High, which has been so fun to watch! Brennan Lee Mulligan and his crew are hilarious. Also Riz Gukgak's the best PC and nobody can say otherwise.

And lastly.

MagicalEraser has grown into a full character. Through my friends in State, I was able to develop her past what I ever thought possible. She is what my fellow artists see me as. She's more than just a silly drawing I made based off of a Shel Silverstein poem and a half-baked minecraft skin. I am so grateful that I created her, because she's been there every step of the way.

Love you guys. Hope you enjoyed catching up! Thank you all for enjoying my art :]

#about me #catching up #magicaleraser #indie games #indie horror #dnd #state #ish's state #minecraft experiments #oc #itzzender

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thefirsthogokage · 2 years ago

Text

Criminal Minds 5x12:

'The Uncanny Valley'

Spoilers: Yeah, I guess. Including the following comment on the episode.

Well that feels like an appropriate episode title considering my friend's note of "Human dolls." I've seen human dolls a few times in other shows, I think I can tough this one out.

Reactions/Commentary Below The Cut

This guy gonna die? Feels like he's gonna die. Oh no wait he finds the body, right?

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You wouldn't be able to mouth the words if he was actually reading as fast as Reid was supposed to be able to read.

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I definitely remember seeing this one before. I think this girl ends up fighting back.

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JOHNATHAN FRAKES?! Wait does he direct this too? Nope. He playing the bad guy then?

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This actress playing the ME is very believable. Not just a bit part kind of vibe. Interesting.

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Ugh, another example of "that's not how tasers work".

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(I'm wondering if I should time stamp my comments. Not that many people read these, and probably never will. Idk, if you read these and want me to add time stamps, please leave a comment and I'd be happy to at least try.)

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Oh, he's not the bad guy.

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Oh THAT girl didn't live, but maybe the next one does. Poor women.

Nice job on these actresses at keeping their eyes open. I wonder if when they have the camera pointed away from them, their eyes are actually closed, and the false eyelashes are placed where they would be if they were open.

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This woman's makeup actually takes away from her beauty.

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Oh damn that's right, she had other women.

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This dream/hallucination little scene is different f on their norm.

DON'T LET HE KNOW YOU CAN MOVE!

Oh that smile. She's knows she can get them out of there. Ugh, BADASS!

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I'm surprised they didn't have the woman who spotted the stitching earlier come back to help sort through the samples.

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Ah, yeah, no medical doctor should be willing to do something like that on a kid, unless it's their own parent 🙃 Do no harm, sir. Not that every doctor sticks to that, and many don't, especially if your POC, heavy, and heavy POC.

Oh Frake's is the dad, right? And I guess technically the bad guy who created the bad guy.

And no, you give someone ETC if you want them to forget.

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(I should not be eating this muffin, it's made with eggs, but I'm hungry 😭 I know I have stuff to do tomorrow, in the morning too, but ugh, I am hungry and need something quick that isn't the peanut butter I definitely shouldn't have bought. They've caused me trouble before. UGH.)

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This diabetic is such a badass.

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If she's lost concept of life and death, she really can't tell what she's doing is wrong, right? That's the assumption? Then why is she scared by the police? Or am I getting something wrong?

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There's Frakes!

I love how Spencer HATES child abuse. I assume it's especially from a professional that's supposed to help, supposed to be trustworthy. Matthew does a great job in this scene with the barely contained rage in his voice

But also, statute of limitations. They need to find new victims, but talking to the old ones, getting to come forward, I guess.

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GET BACK IN THE CHAIR!

Oh good! OH THE STUFF!

Sitting up like that for a prolonged period of time, that has take a strain on the spine.

OH DON'T TALK! SHE WOULD HAVE TO REALIZE THAT'S NOT NORMAL!

Nice job, Reid!

I don't think you can promise that, Reid.

The dolls really do look just like them.

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So, wait, no one else who knew the other women came forward to report them missing? Did I miss something?

#criminal minds #god that's going to be one of my quick tags at somepoint and im not happy about it #criminal minds 512 #riley watches tv #that's a quick tag now #riley watches criminal minds

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designsdefiance · 10 months ago

Note

FOR LOREN:

7, 21, 30, 42 (bonus for 42: what IS his end goal?)

FOR M'SEYLI:

3, 11, 22, 36!

loren:

7. what triggers nostalgia for them, most often? do they enjoy that feeling?

he's got like, extremely strong sensory memory, and it's sensory experiences that trigger nostalgia more often not. often the taste of a specific food or a scent, though sound can be a pretty powerful one too. as for how he feels about it, it really depends on what it is he's feeling nostalgic over? the smell of ul'dahn street food reminding him of the early days of his friendship with adeline is an empowering one, a reminder of how far they've come and how much she's done for him. the absolutely harrowing ache his double-ancient soul feels at the sights and sounds of elpis he could live without.

21. why do they get up in the morning?

"morning" is a generous one because he's absolutely not an early riser lmfao. but on a more metaphorical sense, it's the people who depend on him that keep him going. he's slowly getting a little better at living for himself, but it's a long, difficult process, and as it currently stands, it's his friends and family that keep his head up.

30. who do they most regret meeting?

haurchefant :) though it's more about. how their first meeting and subsequent interactions went that bothers loren. if he could get a second chance he'd jump at it. as it stands, though, haurchefant was never anything but lovely to him, rivalling even adeline in the level of kindness he was shown, and loren repaid him by being, frankly, a complete asshole. he spent most of his time around the man being cold at best and actively rude at worst, as a release for years of pent up ishgardian trauma that he hadn't really made any effort to work through and had instead just buried and tried to ignore. during his time in ishgard, he did start to come around a little, though by that point his struggle was just feeling awkward and not really knowing how to come back from how badly he'd screwed up. and then the bastard died for him and now he's left with this harrowing guilt that he'll never really be free of.

42. how badly do they want to reach their end goal?

tough one because this is the sort of thing i'm still sort of figuring out, but where i'm at with him currently: his overarching goal is just. security. prior to msq, though he's mostly happy with adeline + her father, he's aware enough that things could be pulled from under their feet at any moment, and all he really wants is to know that all three of them are safe and cared for. while this changes quite a bit throughout msq- he comes to care for the scions the same way, and the threats facing them become just a little more severe and worldending than "we might not be able to put food on the table today"- the core of it remains the same. he wants to keep the people he loves safe from harm, and safe from having to worry about where their next meal is coming from.

he'll go to... extreme levels to achieve this. at his lowest he literally doesn't care if it costs him his life as long as everyone else is okay. for a long time he also doesn't really care if it's what the other person wants if he believes it's for the best. especially with adeline he's caused quite a few fights with her by being completely blind to HER feelings and desires, and rightfully had his ass kicked for it. he's learnt to value himself a little more and include himself in his desires, but there's still very little he wouldn't sacrifice. he's extremely relieved to be in a position now, post-endwalker, where he really doesn't have to worry so much anymore.

m'seyli:

3. how do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

she herself doesn't really need a whole lot. she's the sort of person who is asleep the second her head hits the pillow. however she DOES have something of a nighttime ritual, in that there's a specific song she always sings for m'kipfhi to help her sleep. she doesn't really need it herself, with one small exception; when m'kipfhi got taken into the first. she would sing it to herself to self soothe, though it didn't really aid her in sleeping much. it just kept her occupied until she got so exhausted that she couldn't stay up anymore.

11. how do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

she'll just ask. she's very direct about this sort of stuff- she HATES not knowing and she's not afraid to just ask someone to repeat or rephrase. she can get pretty frustrated pretty quickly if her attempts to get clarification still don't get anywhere but she doesn't see the point in fumbling around when you could just communicate directly.

22. how does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

she doesn't really get like, properly jealous very often, it's just not really who she is. when she does though she just gets very clingy. not really possessive because that's antithetical to her core approach to relationships but like. very typical cat, you're not paying enough attention to me so i'm going to lay on you. try and ignore me now bitch.

36. do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

romance to her was always kind of like. something she'd like to achieve one day but she wasn't really too concerned about finding it any time soon. she saw most of her tribe mates as like, sisters more than potential romance options so it was just never on the cards for her before she left, and once she left she had other priorities; getting m'kipfhi cured, and then. all of msq lol. she + krile were very much an accident- one that caused her quite a bit of stress, because balancing a new relationship and the stress she was under during shadowbringers and endwalker wasn't exactly ideal, but was ultimately a happy one!

#whew #this was. a lot #thank u for making me WORK ilu #oc: loren #oc: m'seyli

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emoselenas · 1 year ago

Text

2023

jesus christ. lmao

well.

real quick- i'm basically never posting the link to these again. either people know where to find them or they don't. i think it's better that way.

for the first week of this year i had only one eye. i had poked my eyeball with my wire brush and couldn't open it without experiencing excruciating pain for days. i think that dumb little injury- unfortunate, yet kinda funny- really set the tone for 2023.

the first few months i was essentially in hibernation. we were hard at work tracking vocals on the with sails ahead record well into april, technically may too. we ran into so many setbacks- joe got sick, then i got sick (or vice versa???), one night i had a really bad crying spell and stayed home, sometimes shit just came up- it was incredibly difficult. and we were losing our minds feeling like this record was taking forever to get done. five nights a week spent tracking vocals, sometimes doing upwards of 60 takes (sry joe) to get my takes as perfect as possible. it was fucking. tough. and there's still things i wish i could have done differently, but we got it done.

it's kind of angering to think about how i've gotten better as a vocalist even in the time since, and i wish i could apply what i've learned to the record. but that just means that the songs will sound even better live, which will be awesome. i'm still proud of a lot of the work i did on the record.

at the end of the day, spending all that time making an album was the best possible use of my time. i don't regret it at all. i wish i could have streamed, but it's okay.

that truly was my life from january to april. i did dry january and it went well so i'm doing it again in 2024. i think i managed to extend it into most of February. the goal is to also continue it for as long as possible or generally abstain from alcohol more since WSA will be so busy. we went to shows here and there, and when we did hang out we got together at joe's since we had already been working. but that was really it. i finally got a new tattoo, which was the digimon sword piece i had been dying to get forever. i got to go to the new kura location in edison, too.

april happened. and then may was also a month.

june was an exceptionally busy month, and in that time we went on tour for WC3. three weeks prior, ryan had to bow out of the run due to an injury and we were SO fucking lucky that cha could step in last-minute. with all things considered, we played well on tour. as weepy and fucked up in the head as i was, that was one of my favorite weeks of this year, and one of my favorite memories. there's a longer, more detailed recap below so i won't go into exacts. but being around my friends all week was bliss.

in june, i also started taking muay thai classes. i had always wanted to go back to taking martial arts classes in some way, shape or form but i didn't think it would happen this soon. i thought maybe in my mid-30's i'd start, but it just worked out that i could start going now. i didn't start prior due to budget and time restraints but, i moved closer to my friends' gym, so i could finally go train. i knew it was going to be way different from cardio kickboxing, but understanding *some* of those fundamentals helped me at least have half a foot forward when i began training. it's taking me so long to absorb everything since i can only go once a week, but it has been fucking awesome. there was one class where emily and i were just throwing each other around on the mat, and it was a blast. not only has it been really fun and incredible to learn, but i have become closer with my friends sean and emily, and made a new friend in our classmate kim. they've all been a tremendous help in getting me through this year; probably more than they'll ever know.

god every month this year was so busy. early july, we finally filmed our music videos for the record and played a couple gigs. the month absolutely flew by. shooting the videos was a blast, and the two fests we played were very fun. sadly, in the midst of those two gigs, i was living a fucking nightmare. any sane person would cancel the shows and all of their obligations but i decided not to. i probably would have been better off for it, but i felt like playing the shows and being around my friends was better than being at home and mourning never seeing my dog again. but in july, i also returned to streaming, and it was so bittersweet going live again. since then, it's been difficult to maintain the schedule i once had, but i'm just so fucking grateful and glad that my community is still here. they didn't go anywhere. and i really don't care if i grow at the moment, because if they keep coming back that's all that matters. they are what makes continuing to stream worth it or even enjoyable at all. it's so much fun.

in august, WSA decided to start giving a shit about tiktok and meeting at joe's to do bits. we had the WC3R weekender, so we figured it was a good time to start getting into the swing of posting. if we want to grow at all, we have to. it really helped with promoting our shows. when we went on the weekender later that month, we got to see detroit and chicago for the first time. i am so blessed to be able to travel with my best friends and see cool shit. we also meet the most wonderful people and get to see longtime friends on the road, many of which we maintained contact with online only. i never hesitate to reassure people that tour is grueling, but it is so fucking rewarding.

the summer overall was awesome. spent a lot of time with friends new and old, longboarded, went to a food festival, spent a lot of time in brooklyn and philly. I SAW TWICE LIVE, FINALLY. top 3 best concerts of all time, it might rival the on letting go 10 year for #1. saw my childhood best friend get married and enjoyed a trip with my family to north carolina. SHOUTOUT ABARI VIDEO GAME BAR IN CHARLOTTE. because of emily, i also got to go to the beach so much!!! girl hooked it up with free badges!! and that was something i really wanted to make sure i didn't miss out on this year. i was sad the summer ended so early, but it was a good one.

when september came, it was like a break before the final arc of the year began. i still had to haul ass and get band stuff done, otherwise i took it a little easier. my month kicked off with a trip to the DMV, which was incredible. the barbeque at adam's was awesome, and i had a blast living with kevin and caleb for a week. it felt wrong to leave to be honest LMAOOOO. i am so grateful to them for their hospitality. basically when i crash there i live in their basement lmao and i work remotely!! and it totally all works out! then we hang really hard at night. karaoke at queen's gambit was. god. just one of the most perfect nights out i have ever had. and even the nights where we didn't do much, it was wonderful. later that month was my birthday, for which my plans got hella derailed due to the storm, but my friends who are local still came which i'm so grateful for. we partied hard and sang karaoke for hours. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

being single is fucking weird, but i'm mostly used to it now. it's nice to get attention but i rarely feel like actually into anyone. and when i do, it's not reciprocated. also! being on dating apps is fucking weird! i got on them because i was craving physical intimacy but since then i've only gone on one date. that was just two days ago. people are just so weird. i really tried to connect with both men and women- i don't even want anything serious- but people just stop answering. thankfully, i really didn't get discouraged over it at all. i'm not gonna lie, i also just would stop answering people i was initially interested in. it just sucks so much. it's hard to feel anything, even excitement. but i guess i also don't really take it seriously. hence my insane prompt answers lmao

october through december was basically 9 seconds. mostly because of us dropping new music. i spent october scrambling to get everything ready, november was all about darting, then prepping for the rest of the album shit we need and filming content in december. i finally got to see ciara again since we met in LA!! we showed her around philly and jersey. i finally got to see steph and her family, regretfully for the first time in a long time. i'm pretty sure i was there the month prior then went back for brian's birthday. it's been harder for us to get time in together, but hanging out with steph is always just like picking up where we left off, no matter how long it's been. i went to a really fun wedding halloween weekend, and got to cosplay ann tamaki for halloween this year, which is like the 2nd faithful cosplay i've done since going blonde haha. bea kind of counts but not really? i didn't wanna chop my hair or wear a wig so. oops.

november flew. all i had on my mind was darting eyes. we wished there was a more explosive response, but we're still insanely proud of what we achieved. it was cool to see everyone's reactions and have people be really hype about it. i felt proud to see people say it's our best song yet. i think it's up there with some of the sickest shit we've written. i also went back to kevin and caleb's to chill with them for their birthdays and to go see daoboys in baltimore. i would love to make that a yearly trip provided that we're both free that week of november. also i cringe when i think about how i fucked up when i mic grabbed for daoboys BUT it was still an awesome experience and i'm so lucky i can say that i got invited to do that at all.

when december came, i was not feeling festive at all. even on christmas eve, i woke up feeling more normal about it than ever. i've never listened to so little christmas music in my life. it was a really tough month. i missed brawly so badly. but my friends were glad to hang out and do festive shit with me, which helped so much. on christmas, it was just me and my family, no one else, and it was really lovely. it's become one of my top favorite christmases ever.

this year was tough for many reasons most likely obvious, but for a long time i resented being alone with myself. i ran from it as a kid. if i was left out of plans with friends, i would feel sorry for myself instead of dusting my shoulders off and practicing my instruments. and i definitely still did that - but i could have done more, and channeled less negative energy from it. but i ended up doing so much, spontaneously, on my own. and i'm so proud of myself for it. it took time, but i accept what has happened to me and i feel myself ready for a clean slate. i'm definitely just not ready for a relationship yet. i realized yesterday that i'm emotionally unavailable, still. i need more time. getting older sucks but, i'm not too worried about being alone for a little longer at all.

and doing those things alone is totally self care too. speaking of which. I TOOK SO MANY BATHS THIS YEAR. shoutout to my parents' jacuzzi tub. that mf is fam forreal,,,,,, i have a whole set up lmao i throw in a bath bomb, some bubbles, sometimes i grab a mask or some wine, and i throw on anime. it's so therapeutic but one time i got lightheaded from being in there too long so i have to be careful hahaha. i'm grateful to my parents for allowing me to use it so much.

i spent...... so much time with my family and friends this year. i don't remember the last time i have hung this hard with them. our family's bond has taken a completely different shape now that we're all adults, and it's become so much deeper. not only did we go through the breakup together, but losing our cats. i can be a pain in the ass for them all still, which i need to work on, but things are much better now than they have been in the past.

i got so much closer with my bandmates. we hung out way more as best friends, not just to write music and film bits. my lifelong best friends immediately took me under their wing when shit initially hit the fan in april and they haven't let go since. what i went through made me develop an even deeper connection to friends i wished i got to spend more time with. and i just. i had been conditioned to believe for so long that i didn't truly deserve many things, but i no longer have any reason to believe that because of the people who choose to be in my life. i really have such incredible family and friends. i always joke that i didn't ask to be born and shit, but i got the luckiest draw when it comes to the company i have. not that i don't give myself credit for enduring what i had to go through, but i would have been fucked without the support system i have. i am truly so thankful every day.

god i can barely get through finishing this post without crying!!!!

when we went out to dinner recently, my friend asked us what we learned this year. i couldn’t answer because i didn’t even know where to start. i took some time to think about it, and it’s unfortunately a lot. but, here is what i learned in 2023:

what i thought was love was really attraction, and even comfort. those things are still important in a healthy context, but real love is respect- respecting your partner enough to recognize when you’re hurting them and crossing boundaries repeatedly. and a real apology is not repeating that hurtful behavior. it’s not just words, and it’s not blaming others for your mistakes. it’s action. this goes for friendships, too.

believe the things someone says when they’re livid at you. it’s not that those awful things are true, but they are an accurate reflection of how they feel about you. i am so mad at myself for not seeing this glaring red flag probably upwards of a couple dozen times. I challenged these words and i was still reassured those angry sentiments were meaningless. it all adds up now.

take people at face value. don’t try to prove them wrong about themselves. act as if who they are right now is the way they’ll be forever. that was so fucking hard for me as someone who has always largely believed in people’s propensity to change. my therapist really really tried to drill this into my head when i started seeing her in may. it was tough to follow the first time and it didn’t finally stick until the second time i made the mistake of not listening in september. i had to abandon being a fixer. the second time i was challenged in this way this year, i didn’t so much as try to fix them, but i was praying they weren’t right about the terrible things they were telling me about themselves. i wanted them to prove me wrong. i had to come to terms with the fact that because of their commitment to believing they were no good, and not respecting boundaries, we were not going to work out. i truly believed i could love people into being better. i thought giving grace would inspire them to want more for themselves. it is physically impossible.

it is so much better to keep your mouth shut about your personal life. as someone who has always been an open book and worn her heart on her sleeve, this has been extremely difficult for me (lmao). firstly, there’s no need to prove yourself to people who are committed to not empathizing with you. not even reacting or telling the objective truth will help, because they will be dead set on denial. it fuels their disdain. second, the reality is, even some (maybe most!) people who care about you will not understand exactly what you’re going through, and how all-encompassing it feels. and it’s not ok to word vomit about your trauma all the time. unless the offer is extended, it’s best to journal everything and use tools like therapy. i am so glad i have songwriting for this. i just had such great cognitive dissonance that i couldn’t even trust myself, and that's why i couldn't shut the fuck up in/on private lmao. i constantly found myself questioning reality and seeking validation. i couldn’t conceive what the fuck was happening to me nor place how i was supposed to feel. i felt tremendous, overwhelming guilt and grief. a part of me died. we all make jokes about gaslighting, but the psychological torment is no joke.

i made a little change where i stopped calling myself stupid and i legitimately felt a small improvement in my mental health. i highly recommend actually speaking kinder to yourself. there are other insults i should stop using towards myself but that alone felt like a positive step in the right direction.

i believed i wasn’t being held back and that it was all in my head, but staying in a place where i was being emotionally and verbally abused was not only worsening my anxiety but my physical health. i went no contact, and i could even breathe better. sleep better. i used to experience acid reflux daily and now it’s on an occasional basis. I am lonely sometimes, and i am still grieving somewhat, but i feel so much better. it’s incredible.

and now i’m so fucking mad that i accepted less than i deserved for so, so long. i am so mad that i held myself back from being truly happy. even being in a better situation mentally for the last decade might have meant i would have been farther along in my goals. now that i understand how fucked my mental health was that entire time, and how it ruined my self-perception, i feel such a well of emotions when staring ahead at the rest of my life. i have no fucking idea what it looks like. in april there was a dark, deep precipice. now, it’s a little less steep, but it’s there. sometimes it’s not. i am fucking terrified of what comes next, but at the same time i wonder how much i can affect by legitimately believing in myself and having zero mental hindrances. what if i can actually will all of my dreams into reality. after what i experienced this year, i feel like i have nothing to lose, now. so if i'm a little delusional in 2024 i'm sorry lmao. i am only this young for so long!!! and i am hellbent on trying to have as incredible of a year as i can. but if it's anything like 2023, without all of the bad, it certainly will be.

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11lights · 1 year ago

Text

August 20th, 2023

0133L

Temp 79° Thunderstorms

Saddlebunch Keys, FL

Okay, I want to preface this by saying that I have had a little bit to drink. And also I may or may not have forgotten to enter anything yesterday. That's mainly because I kept procrastinating and saying I would do it later and later and later. And here we are 1:30 the next day and yesterday's was never completed. Which means I didn't get to document seeing my mother and father's best friends from 1995 visit in Key West, and their child. That was pretty cool. They remembered the piece of advice that I gave to them when their son was just a baby about how they should never try to force their son to be what they want. They should just let their son grow into who he will be. Referencing. How my father always tried to make me the tough guy and to be stronger and to be aggressive and to stick up for myself how he wanted it but I could never be like that because that wasn't me. Super cool that they remembered that. It was nice to update them on how my life is, I feel like I made my parents proud to be doing well and being able to tell their best friends from a long time ago that their child is growing up and doing well. We went back to his sister's house and his sister's husband had a flight simulator that I got to try out. So I got to practice taking off and landing and surprise surprise landing even in a flight. Sim is still very fucking difficult for me! We got to talking about life and careers and flying and all that jazz and then today being Saturday. I guess, I met with them at the coffee shop before they left and took some pictures and then they left and I hope they come back because we can go fishing and they've always been loving and caring people for me. What else happened? Friday was pretty boring. I literally just worked and went straight to going to hang out with them and then I was there till one in the morning. Came home and immediately slept. Today was fairly boring as well. I woke up at about 8:00 late in bed till like 11:00 playing Monopoly and exercising. My addiction to adult content online. Got a fresh cut at like two. Pestered Danny to play. Call of duty but he had a date with his wife so that didn't work. Actually just messaged him a few minutes ago and I'm getting no response so it's safe to say we're not going to be able to have our schedule Call of duty session today, which kind of sucks because that was kind of the highlight of my week. I'd say it's mainly my fault since I had to do this housewarming thing. Hopefully tomorrow will be able to hop on the sticks. After my haircut a showered and then I ended up going to the housewarming party for one of my buddies. My gym bae was there which was terrifying at first. But then felt very, very natural. I got a certain point. I kind of forgot who she was or how much I actually cared who she was and I paid more attention to my friends in the experience than being completely infatuated over her. It was cool. Then my cousin got to see her and he actually doesn't approve of her. Mainly because she's young and she's not ready for the type of growth in life that I'm looking for. And also he doesn't like her face. I think she's absolutely beautiful and gorgeous but that's just me. She is young though, and it does seem like she just wants fun right now, I don't know if that would be for me. I'm trying to grow. But it was cool to hang out with everyone, we started out with this like dirty sex game where you tell sex secrets to each other which was weird to do with a few co-workers and random people. But it ended up being really fun. I had some really good conversation with one of my co-workers Xavier . The food there smelled absolutely amazing. 00 which made life super difficult since I was fasting. Still, I even had someone hold a chip with the sauce on it to my nose. Trying to get me to give in and I couldn't. Couldn't. I want to get over this fast more than I want to eat. Delicious food. On the way home, Gabriel lowered the sunroof during the thunderstorm so we just got rained on the whole way on the highway. What a surreal experience!

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whoslaurapalmer · 2 years ago

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fic ask meme: 4, 5, 29

4) how many wips do you have right now?

hmmmmm. tough call bc i have so many wips endlessly vibing somewhere that i would like to get to!! but right now i am really trying to work on planning out college au but i feel weird saying just one wip???? especially because it is still just a plot wall!!! so

-college au. the thing about college au is that it takes a lot of laser focus and i can't work on much else at the same time bc i am trying to rewrite entire plotlines to work in a college setting and i have to try and keep everything together in my head without other work interference. -i have some little thoughts about lemonberry ice family times with the kids that i would like to make into just a fun little fic sometime soon -in terms of 'ones i'd sure like to get around sometime THIS YEAR,' sunny fic is also usually still very close to the surface of Fic Thoughts.

5) what's a fic idea you've had that you'll never write?

this is hard!!! because i want to write all of them!!!!!! i always want to!!!!!!! and even the ones i've said 'oh i won't do that' i've wound up writing lines for here and there, just to have a few things down, like the hamlet thing, my 1957 les girls fic, i've even got some lines for who fic around somewhere but i likely won't ever do more but even that exists, oh BUT

so i'm not writing naruto fic in this the year of our lord 2023 and i wasn't in then the year of our lord 2019 when i was struck by an idea but i will in fact not ever write this. i don't have the energy to naruto anymore. sometimes i wish i did bc i know almost exactly how i'd do this. but i do not. but i am occasionally soooooooooo irritated that no one has written like a...........good, post-og pre-shippuden fic about the genin and their lives after sasuke leaves and naruto goes to train with jiraiya, like just.......some good introspective character shit, not a lot of plot, one of those vibes fics with a nice song lyric title (which, would've been a lyric from one of the best naruto openings, what was it, opening......five? six?? oh it's six!!!! no boy no cry!!!!!!!!!!) with about like, ino being the only member of her team who didn't go after sasuke and having to watch shikamaru and choji come back and CHOJI ALMOST DIED, similarly tenten being the only member of her team who hasn't gone through a life and career threatening injury, i imagine shikamaru has to have nightmares given his emotional state after HIS FIRST MISSION AS A TEAM LEADER WHICH IS, I THINK, INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT AND VERY OVERLOOKED, and like, things about sakura being the only member of her team left in the village now (although i think there's some decent sakura-centric fics out there, but i want, more of all the genin, and them interacting with EACH OTHER) (i've watched a bit of boruto, like the more chill episodes, and the one where sakura says something like, "i just know, the people i was friends with when i was thirteen, they're still my friends now.'" and i think there's a lot overlooked too in the konoha nine/twelve/whatever friendships), just a lot of leaf village life stuff about the trauma these kids have gone through and like.......the ghosts they have to deal with, not just of sasuke but also naruto? even if they've left for different reasons? tsunade probably plays a big part in parts of the fic bc i think tsunade was sorely underused in canon as a character who could've LEGITIMATELY overturned the ninja system. i think the fics that focus on character and trauma and especially life in the leaf village are the most satisfying sort of naruto fic to read, for me. anyway.

29) Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

mayo, for you i must share my who fic lines, which, i don't think i've posted before?? as it turns out i have three little fic ideas?? the first one was My Very Intense Obsession With Letting Companions PILOT THE GODDAMN TARDIS, particularly rose

teach me how to do it, she does not ask, because he's definitely not going to tell her. the tardis is his, it's his thing, even if it should be their thing, but, so he won't, is what it is, not even if she asked. but she's not going to get stuck like that again, either, sent off with no way to get back to him.

but rose isn't -- he tells her she's so clever, but it's not in the way it counts, is it? she watched the doctor pilot the tardis for, for however long it was before they were back on station 5, and when it mattered, when she needed to do it, she couldn't. and she should have, should have known which button to press, which lever to pull, which thing did what to get her back to him. she'd watched him do it and she couldn't, because she's not clever, not smart, she can't even pay attention right. fat lot of help she is.

this is...............i think this is about ten, trying to i guess justify ten falling in love at the drop of a hat and specifically inviting them on the tardis which was occasionally in my humble onion not necessarily great but i could get behind it from this standpoint. it's a little repetitive i think bc i was feeling out the vibes

[but he falls just a little bit in love with everyone, doesn't he. how could he not? bright, beautiful people, stupid impossible terrible people, living their stupid impossible lives, impossible boring beautiful little lives, things mean so much to them, so many souls burning with this insistence to live, to help, to be. so important, each and every one of them, just by being lucky enough to be here, now, where they were. how could he not fall in love with a piece of each one? how could he -- how could he not want to hold them all so close to him where he could always see it, where he could always have them?]

i think i've said this before. we all know i want a peaks-style ten+tentoo doppelgangery identity confrontation. in, apparently, second person??

[you are no stranger to seeing yourself -- you've seen plenty of the previous yous, and, on some level, this is really no different, isn't it? if you want, you can think about that you as another one of them, a lesser version of this you, younger, not quite as -- well, good is not at all the word. but this one is just more you than looking at your past, because you are looking at you, this you, the current you, separate and alive and still you.]

#THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS SENDING AN ASK i am still not always at a laptop these days and i don't like doing asks from my phone #so sometimes. they take longer than i would like to reply

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hollowscreekmuses · 9 months ago

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"Not when you have this crazy thing inside of you clouding your judgment, trust me," he sighs, "Well I'm glad you do, man, but sometimes friend isn't enough, that's all I'm saying," Avery raises both his hands in a surrendering manner, he couldn't judge the other, not too long ago he felt the same way, not because he wanted to keep people away, mostly because he never truly thought about all this. Love, a family. "I know, I'm not saying right now, I guess this whole wolf thing just made me think that's all," he shurgs, there was no way in hell he was gonna make this a priority when he couldn't even control himself. Avery raises an eyebrow not really adding much about it, the truth was they've been away for a while, maybe Jesse had experienced things he didn't know about it yet, "Hey!" he moves closer, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "You're looking out for me, I get it. Thank you," and he's being honest here, he knows why Jesse's being protective, its because he cared and all that shows was that the other was a good friend. "Write him?" Avery thinks about it for a few seconds, Jesse is not wrong, and it's not like he doesn't have pratice in writting his feelings, so, maybe this was the way to go at least for now, "I'd have to write to both, because I didn't explain myself to either of them," the wolf nods, "But you're right! I really should do that, and I think my other dad,would appreciate it, you know how he is with this things," he smiles softly at the memories of his family, it still hurt to be away, but as time went on Avery felt a bit better about contacting them. "I know. But I'm your friend, I know you're all... Mr. tough guy but you do care," a teasing smile plays on Avery's lips, "So that's all I'm saying. Don't let our friendship cloud your judgemnt, that's all I mean." "I mean," he sighs, his eyes focused on Jesse's back as he's truned, Avery is not even sure he's meant to hear that, but--well now he's got wolf ears, it's kinda hard to miss somethings, "I've never felt anything for anyone, man, I think 'till this day I haven't, not that way," he sighs, running a hand trough his hair, "I didn't want to make things weird but--I," he pauses, closing his eyes as he speaks, "Found myself at random times thinking back to that kiss," Avery confesses, maybe it was his fault, he got confused and started this whole mess, their friendship's down fall, "And couldn't tell why so I thought I was falling for you," he opens his eyes, it feels good to actually, finally put this out there, it has been way too long, "I'm sorry if I looked at you, I'm sure if we've talked we'd be able to fix it," he shurgs. "Fine, fine!" Avery raises his hands again, " I belive you! no ass kicking needed!" though Avery is a bit amused by that, he decides not to point out he was now the stronger one, once he was the tiny dude, hanging around and counting on Jesse to help him in the fights,now things were different, but Avery loved the man and he wasn't here to be an ass an brag about how strong the wolf made him. "I am not," Avery assures the other, " I know I come off a this sily guy out here being friends and expecting the best of people, to never be let down or never get my heart broken, I know I give that idea a lot, but I'm more than that. I know about pain," while he didn't want to be seen as that guy, he also knew where Jesse was coming from, Avery was underestimated a lot, he, at least until now, despite the harships he had a happy outlook on life and sometimes that caused people to think he was an empty headed puppy, in Jesse's case though, he could see it come out of concern as well, which to be honest he did appreciate. "God, you're such a fucking asshole!" he can see Jesse's trying not to laugh and honestly this was all so silly, so of course this was said with a smile on his lips and didn't come from anger like before.

Avery can't help but start laughing as he notices Jesse struggling more and more to keep it in, "Shut the fuck up, you idiot!" he laughs, bruhing the long hair out of his face," You're ruining my whole point, damn it!" Avery shakes his head, he stops with a smile on his lips, "My point was just, beeing there done that, ya know? sex, being close to someone is not new to me, I'm not gonna fall that easy, I may be needy but I'm not stupid okay?" the fact that he perfered his afairs to be with people he was close to only helped him feel confident in the fact that he knew how to separate things. "I'll keep that in mind, I promise, but you don't need to worry about me on that front, dude, I'm a big boy, I can handle myself, okay? I've always could. I'll be fine," he reaches over to pat Jesse's back. "I guess that's just another thing we'll have to agree to disagree," Avery shrugs, there was no point in arguing about this, he was tired of them fighting anyway, "But maybe one day you'll change you mind and I'll be here." Avery nods as he looks over at the car, "That's fine, I haven't been going out much anyway. Do you want me to leave it here? give me a call when it's done?"

"I don't know man, I think it's pretty easy not to mention something." Maybe that was only the case of Jesse, though. "It's not about pushing people out- look around, I've got people around me, man. It's not like I'm alone, I've got friends." He knew what Avery meant and he still played it off because that worked in his favor. Even if he was surrounded by people, they were all kept at such a distance that if he ever needed to, he could still walk away, with no second glances. "Yeah, I agree," Jesse dropped in on top of Avery's comment there, heavily. "You got way too much shit on your plate right now to worry about this other crap." Though, it really was the truth. Sex and love and relationships... Avery was a still a young man, he had all the time in the world for that nonsense. But he was in the midst of this other crisis that definitely needed to be front and center of his focus- at least until he could talk to Jesse one-on-one without divulging into a fit of emotional outbreaks. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with emotional outbreaks, either... It was more the fact that he was the cause of them right now that bothered the human. Jesse made a face; he hadn't thought he was bragging about anything. "I know enough," he responded in a curt tone. Maybe the heartbreak he spoke of wasn't exactly from a romantic love and standpoint, but the man couldn't imagine that it would be too different. All of it was born from intimacy, just varying degrees of it. "Do what you want, whatever," he said then, shrugging. "You were gonna do it anyway." Most people did, regardless of whatever unsolicited advice they got. "I was just saying."

He shrugged again, at Avery's offer to replace his tool. He didn't even care about that, really. He just wanted to forget about the tool, because it kept his friend's physical changes so fresh in mind. And he didn't want to be afraid of Avery. "Why don't you write them?" Jesse suddenly suggested. "I mean, talking on the phone and stuff can be kind of hard but writing... I dunno, I always felt it was easier to get your thoughts across on the page than saying it all out loud.. You could let him know you're sorry, tell him how much you want to say about what's going on... That you'll be back as soon as you can. Might help ease your guilt and quell their concerns all in one go," he said, snapping his fingers as if it was that easy. Why couldn't it be that easy? At least it was an effort. "Since when have you ever known me not to do what I need to do to protect myself?" he gave Avery a look that clearly had that 'are you kidding me???' mentality to it. He needed no permission here to stand up for himself. But he wasn't going to kill the damn guy.

"You looked at me," Jesse muttered under breath, though he wasn't looking at the other man now as he confessed this. Maybe it wasn't fair to blame Avery for how things went down- in truth, it really wasn't either of their faults. They had just been stupid kids, barely old enough to make their own decisions and neither could have predicted anything bad to come of a silly children's game. But there had been, at least in Jesse's eyes, because he could still remember the way it had changed the way things felt between them. And yeah, Avery had looked at him differently after that and that was the reason Jesse let his sister's split be the catalyst for him to toss aside everything and everyone to invest himself in her instead. That decision had worked, though. Avery didn't look at him that way now, the years clearly having done their work to lessen whatever confusion the other man had of the situation. "Okay, I got that," Jesse ground out, now scowling back at the other. "But I've cleared that up now, haven't I? I told you I didn't want that, right? So unless you don't believe me, then stop talking like that before I kick your fucking ass!" He didn't really care how stupid it was to threaten someone who could now easily overpower him, but how else was he going to get the guy to stop talking like that? He didn't know any other way.

As Avery went over the laundry list of things he'd gone through, Jesse did have that sense of guilt develop again. He was right, he had been there to witness all of that. He knew that Avery's life hadn't been a straight and narrow road of easiness- the two of them had been running around, bothering the entire town, for Christ's sake. "Okay, alright, fine," Jesse said, once more lifting his hands up as he conceded, "you're right.. It's just.. Sometimes it feels like your dads have influenced you to see the world in rose-colored glasses." There were times with the way Avery behaved and spoke, it was hard not to see him as some innocent or, in the very least, naive person simply because he approached most stuff with this genuinely open perspective and not from a place of paranoid closure, like Jesse. But Avery was right... Just because he viewed things differently, didn't mean he was any less experienced or ready to face the world. They weren't the same person so they couldn't be expected to handle things the same way. Jesse needed to keep that dose of reality in mind.

He only watched Avery come to him, though this time Jesse didn't react much. The two of them were only trying to illicit responses and intimidation- that was obvious at this point, and it lessened the effect. This wasn't a serious moment. It wasn't anything, neither of them had any plans to do anything, and because of that, Jesse held no concerns. "Well that's nice," he commented dryly, as his lips pursed at the corners like he was trying not to smile. The urge felt so random yet it was there, they were such idiots. "Good to know." There was a shakiness to his tone, that said he was trying not to laugh. Not that he wanted to laugh at Avery, just the situation itself. And it wasn't like he didn't believe the guy. "All I was saying is, you're wanting it a little too much, alright?" he said then. "When you want it so bad, you'll start seeing anything as something more than it is, that's all." Jesse rolled his eyes some and shifted weight, a little tired of this. "You say I'm scared, I say I'm being prudent. We see it differently." Besides, it wasn't really that he was scared of loving someone. He was scared that someone might love him back, and then take it all away. Just as everyone else he's cared about has done. That's two entirely different things. "Good, then," he grunted, giving the man's car a pat. "You shouldn't drive this until the brake lines get changed. You risk the brakes going out."

#Jesse #I think we can end here?#or with your reply?

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