#but they make it so hard to enjoy the silly space wars media when they can't even do what they're hired for: WRITE

[bikananjarrus]

the thing is....... i don't want to complain about sw all the time. but the writers for sw shows/movies make it so fucking hard to be excited bc half of them can't fucking write

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s3 ep11: The Q and the Grey

One of my favorite crack episodes! Is it hopelessly heteronormative? Yes. Is it stuck on traditional gender roles? Also yes. But does it have some killer one liners that always make me laugh? Definitely yes. Do I enjoy any excuse to get my Starfleet people to play dress up in historical costumes? Hell yes! Must a piece of media actually be good, in order to be good? Absolutely not!

This one is so stupid that I can't believe it's actually a real episode sometimes. Q wanting to have a baby with Captain Janeway is quite possibly one of the most ridiculous premises I've ever heard for a Star Trek story, but her rebuffs to his advances are so scathing, it's kinda worth the secondhand embarrassment of watching John de Lancie have to play these scenes with a straight face just to watch her deliver these sick burns like the queen she is.

Meanwhile, Chakotay is so jealous when he finds out! He literally straight up says so! Oh my god, I didn't even remember that! And then Q pops in, and complains about there being another man, and Janeway deadass says there isn't, while Chakotay is standing right there!! I was cry laughing!! Kathryn Janeway, the woman that you are!! And then Q is all 'my tatoo is bigger than his' and Janeway looks him dead in the eye, and says 'not big enough,' and walks out of the room!! And when Chakotay hears that, he just stands there grinning to himself like 'hell yeah, I got a shot! Suck it Q!', and I'm sitting there dying! How is this even a real scene?!

Q then goes to the holodeck to ask the crew for advice on how to win Janeway over. Tom and Harry are the cool kids who are so over Q, and they defend their space mom like dutiful sons, treating him with a haughty disdain that she'd be proud of. Q then moves on to ask Neelix for advice next, but I don't remember anything after Q referred to him as 'bar rodent' because I laughed so hard.

So then Q tries to bribe Janeway with a puppy, which is honestly the one thing that might actually have worked on her tbh, but the Captain is resolute that she cannot be bribed. (She totally does cuddle the puppy for a while though, and I can't blame her, gotta take what puppy snuggles you can get out there in the cold cruel Delta Quadrant.)

AND THEN none other than Suzie Plakson shows up as Q's jealous girlfriend, Q, looking fabulous in her red Veronica Lake hair, and delivering elite level sass in the meanest, hottest way possible.

We find out that the supernovas Voyager has been encountering have something to do with the Q- the ship is caught in multiple shockwaves, and when Janeway asks Q to take them out of it, he instead takes himself and Janeway to a mansion during the American Civil War- costume time!!! Yeehaw!! Kate Mulgrew was born to wear crinoline era fashions, I swear, she looks so good!!

Obvs Janeway wants to get back to the ship, but Q reveals that they're in the Continuum, and that the Q are at war due to the upheaval caused by the Q who commited suicide in 'Death Wish'. (This episode may be silly, but I so love and appreciate continuity from previous episodes!!) We get some nonsense about how Q thinks mating with a human will produce a more compassionate breed of Q who will end the war- sounds fake, but ok. But Q gets shot, and Janeway, being full of Starfleet goodness, rescues him and tends his wounds, while giving Q a lecture about how being a parent entails sticking around to teach your children your ideals, like compassion, and how families need to be built on love- which, at least, are actually good points that redeem some of the hopelessly old-fashioned heteronormativity of this ep.

Meanwhile, lady Q is still stuck on Voyager after the shockwave knocks them out- it was a Q weapon that caused the supernova, so it temporarily knocked out her powers, and she needs Voyager's help to get back to the Continuum. They have to fly into a supernova to do it, so she has to help them modify their shields, which leads to one of my favorite scenes, where lady Q goes to engineering, and gets her ass thoroughly handed to her by the Ultimate Sarcasm Queen of the Universe, B'Elanna Motherfucking Torres. B'Elanna just stands there, looking absolutely tiny next to Amazon goddess Suzie Plakson, but she cuts her down to size, outsassing the OG sassmaster, the first badass half-Klingon babe, K'Ehleyr herself, with such confidence, such ease, that it rattles even an immortal, omnipotent Q. Your fave could never!! And then lady Q says she's always liked Klingon females because they have such spunk- which in-universe, is her admitting that B'Elanna won the sass battle (yassss queen!!) but also, for the fans, it's acknowledging the passing of the torch from Suzie to Roxann as the current half-Klingon sass queen. Nice!

So anyway, back on the bridge, lady Q calls Tom 'helm boy', and I snort laughed as his face went through the five stages of grief over this, and he looks at Chakotay like 'how do I respond to that??' and Chakotay just sighs and is like 'yeah just do what she says' and Tom sighs like 'ok, guess I'm helm boy now' and does what she says.

They fly into the supernova, and not a moment too soon, because back in the Continuum, Janeway went to the other Q's camp to call a truce, but Q are kind of dicks, and they're like no, sorry, we won't accept your surrender, we're going to execute you and Q instead. So just as Q and Janeway are tied up and facing a firing squad, Janeway nobly argues for peace, and an uncharacteristacally selfless Q pleads to spare her life. The other Q says nah, but just as they're about to shoot them, someone else draws their fire away- it's the Voyager crew, all done up in Civil War gear!! More dress up time!!! Yay!!! They lead lady Q to Q and Janeway, and Janeway urges Q to mate with lady Q instead of her, which lady Q likes the idea of. Q and Q whisper about what we assume are unspeakably kinky Q mating practices, which they invite a shocked Janeway to watch, not because they're nasty freaks, but because all they have to do is touch fingers for a second, and then it's done. But also because they're nasty freaks.

After the Voyager crew subdues the Q, (while looking fabulous in their Union army uniforms, I might add!) they're returned to Voyager, back on their original course. Q pops back in to Janeway's ready room with his new baby Q, he declares himself to be changed for the better by parenthood, and asks Janeway to be godmother, to which she agrees. It's an absolutely insane way to start a friendship, but Kathryn Motherfucking Janeway manages what no Starfleet captain ever has: to make friends with Q. Queen shit, tbh.

How is this episode even a real thing?! I don't know, but I'm glad it is!!

Tl;dr: An absolutely ridiculous, insane crack episode that by all rights shouldn't work, but it does. One of the most hilarious, fun episodes in the whole series.

[violettierre]

If you're my mutual or we've interacted before please read this,

So to save your time im going on a hiatus.

And here's some elaboration;

Tumblr have never failed to put a smile on my face it's a fun website to visit and i've always enjoyed the content made here, and most of all, enjoyed interacting with poeple that have always been very kind and sweet and some even consider me a friend which is a far bigger deal to me than one may think because of personal reasons and i really mean it when i say Tumblr never fail to make my day with those silly posts and inside jokes that may mean nothing, overall, it's my go-to place to relax from my noisy life and be my questionable silly little inner violetta that im thankful no one really judged, and it was a breath of fresh air when i signed in here. I've treated my account, like most poeple, as my account where i talked about stuff i enjoyed and my opinions in things, ect... but if you are my mutual i feel like you did notice sometimes i slip and im no longer enjoying my inner self like i usually do, which is common. It does happen to lots of poeple where real life issues just hit too hard for them to enjoy their distractions they used as coping mechanism to keep themselves sane just like i do that's why no one really judges that from what i concluded in my experience. However, as many times as everyone thankfully ignore that, those moments still bother me every time cuz it's never been about other users noticing, it's never been anything outside of personal. Like i said before, this is my prefered go-to comfort space that i open to rest from real life issues and the effects it had on me, and the interference that accure between them never fail to make my health worse, and so i don't go to details, this place simply start to lose its charm for me because it began losing the one thing i personally associated it with. Which is why as far as i believe, it'll be better to take a pause from being active here. Because sometimes the stuff that help us get through things that hurts, shouldn't be exposed to it, and the less harmful option is to hide it so we can go back to it when we're desperate for comfort instead of losing it completely.

Naturally, I have no idea how long i'll be on a hiatus for, it may take months, or maybe a year, who knows, even if i wish for it to be sooner than later, it's something that happen undecided, but it may most likely last at least until my personal crisis calms down and im a little more stable and ready to use once again that one violet that i admit i've mistreated as well, because in order to stop my stress and mental health from sneaking into my safe space i must face it and deal with it, which im really scared of, but that's pretty much what is left to do. Things that go our way aren't necessarily our ideal solutions.

It's a silly little hiatus for most poeple, but behind it, im going to a metaphorical war and im scared that's why im writing this long useless elaboration post before getting a pause from all my social media not just tumblr and try to look after myself in a way i've been running away from.

And if you're reading this as my moot or we've interacted, i do hope you understand this and mostly hope that everything will stay good between us once i come back sooner or later, it's already gonna be awkward for me to do anything i like again after im basically right now going to ditch my self care, so i just want you to keep in mind i do not want to lose you or anyone in here and we could remain in good terms.

And happy new year from now, since i won't be able to celebrate it here. I wish everyone on tumblr a healthy and lucky new year lifestyle starting or continuing from 2023 and fortune will follow everyone everywhere. And merry Christmas to all who celebrate, and whatever other holiday i won't celebrate in here, im sending all my love throughout those times and all time, thanks to everyone for everything and hopefully i get to interact with you guys later on.

With all my geniune love, Violetta.

[et-cant-phone-home-no-signal]

The Book of Boba Fett - Episode 3 thoughts

heyo here's me back with the ramblings! please accept my humble offerings of thoughts and analysis for this episode, for funsies only <3 no arguments, spoilers beneath the cut

i love the difference between fennec and boba - he'll listen and take a petition with no appointment, she's ready to shoot and dismiss immediately 😂 it's so interesting because you'd almost think it would be the other way around but nah, he's chill and she's paranoid <3 (i don't know if other media shows this more, i haven't watched the bad batch which i know fennec appears in, and i haven't read any of the comics with boba in it)

i genuinely love how sincere boba is about being daimyo like, he keeps going "i am the daimyo and i will bring order" and he's being so serious but no one is used to that do they think he's being silly because ??? why are you walking around like that dude

also obsessed with sophie thatcher appearing in this (i love prospect so much and i'm happy to see her in such a different role compared to that)

you can feel the love boba has for his dad in the kamino flashbacks and it breaks my heart fr

the music <3

i never thought about how it would make boba feel to see all the storm trooper heads on the sticks. i know that at the later stages of the empire it was mostly conscripts but surely it would invoke memories of the clones? idk it made me think about it and now i'm sad

NO NOT THE FUCKING TUSKEN CAMP FUCK nononono the music too stop it this is so sad fuck that nikto gang (though was it them??? i have a funny feeling it could be more cause would the tuskens really lose to a gang like that?? or is it just slightly bad writing idk)

the kids stick too i'm actually in tears this is so fucking upsetting why does everyone have to die all the time

there's something so nasty about attacking a person when they're in the middle of something medical, cause let's face it, the bacta tank is medical and krssantan straight up decked boba in his underwear jesus man

gotta respect the mods for still coming in to help (yeah it's their job but again, they could've said nope and left him to it) - also why is this dude so obsessed with biting people lmao

fennec's disapproving little shake of head lmaoo she's giving older sister vibes

poor rancor- is that danny trejo??????

i love how genuinely confused krssantan is to be let go - boba is way too kind and i can feel fennec's disapproval through the screen

boba immediately falling in love with the rancor and wanting to train and ride it and giving it loving scratches <3 totally obsessed with this man he's so fascinating

"excuse me, lord fett" "not now i'm busy" is such a pet owners response when they're giving or receiving love from their baby oh my god

i genuinely have tears in my eyes from how funny it is that these mods have the equivalent of space vespas because i was expecting the equivalent of harley davidsons if i'm honest and it's so disappointing they got these shiny ass candy looking speeders instead 💀 i cannot take them seriously when they're on the vehicles sorry the hardcore punk aesthetic clashes so hard with the bright primary colour ass mopeds

mr moustache receptionist at the mayor's office is once again sending me into orbit because his stare could kill this fucking majordomo in an instant if he was force sensitive and i am so amused - this extra deserves so much more attention man, who is he and why isn't he in a major role

dude this is the least satisfying chase scene ever sorry but they're going like 30mph max??? i can't take them seriously this looks ridiculous and it's probably the worst scene in the show so far

thanks for reading!! people seem to be enjoying my star wars posts which is nice, i don't talk about it that often but i've started playing SWTOR and i'm enjoying it!! created a new jedi character for it and i'm getting attached so might write up a character sheet for her soon :)

[hollow-keys]

For the Doctor Who Asks: 2.0 game- All of the questions! (Or all of the ones that you feel like answering.)

Okay, alright!

1. Why do you love Doctor Who so much?

I'm a big fan of sci-fi in general honestly and always have been, especially if it has a lot of media to pick and choose from and lore to sink my teeth into. Doctor Who is specifically very interesting as a time travel show with a rotating cast and media in several different formats which lends itself to perpetual change and creativity and you can revisit prior eras without derailing the current one.

2. Which Doctor would you most want to travel with?

Two or Three. It's no secret that I love Two, Jamie and Zoe so it is ofc a dream to hang out with my faves. Three is kind and considerate of his companions but he's also the realest when people cross him so I think he'd be nice without being Too Nice yk. I made a joke post about this, but he wouldn't beg the Master to regenerate after tormenting his friends and the entire planet for a year (looking at you, Ten).

3. Which Doctor and Companions would be your perfect Tardis team?

My fave canon team is Two, Jamie and Zoe (Though Five, Tegan and Turlough is also great) but a non canon team? Uhhh. Two, Jamie and Tegan could be fun because she's a strong personality like Zoe but also a layperson like Jamie. I've already said Jamie and Leela in another post (sensing a pattern but he is my guy), Bill could be great on pretty much any team as a true everyperson because she truly is just Normal. Like, the other TARDIS team members are arguing and she just says something that seems obvious in retrospect but nobody else thought of. She can just cut through bullshit frfr.

4. Would you rather hang out with Jamie Mccrimmon or Sarah Jane Smith?

Jamie. Sorry Sarah Jane but he's my guy.

5. Classic Who or New Who?

Classic. NuWho takes itself so seriously sometimes like it's trying too hard to be Mature™ and distance itself from the "silly show for nerds" reputation the Classic series got. I appreciate the budget and the added emphasis on emotional arcs but watching the Doctor go through the same character arc again and again and make a speech about how much murder they've done and how ~morally ambiguous~ they are at least once per season is tiring. This is why later One era, Two, Three and Early Four is peak Doctor Who to me. They're just a bit of a tetchy guy travelling the universe and helping people.

6. Would you rather be a Dalek or a Cyberman?

Would I rather be shot or shot? Hmm. If I choose Cybermen can I be one of the good ones like Bill?

7. What's your favourite story from each Doctor 1-15

Okay, That's tough so I'll give a maximum of 3 per Doctor.

One: Planet of the Giants, The Celestial Toymaker and The War Machines

Two: The Evil of the Daleks, The Mind Robber and The War Games

Three: The Mind of Evil, Day of the Daleks and The Three Doctors

Four: The Arc in Space, The Sun Makers, and State of Decay

Five: Castrovalva, Earthshock and Frontios.

Currently on Six's era and not familiar with Seven or Eight.

I don't remember most of NuWho well enough to comment rn (planning on a rewatch once I'm done with Classic) but for Tenteen (who shouldn't be a separate Doctor to Ten but whatever) it's obviously Wild Blue Yonder and 15 only has two stories which are both kinda mid.

8. Do you think any creatures have been overused? If so, which ones?

Yes. Daleks, Cybermen and to a lesser extent, the Master. The Daleks are a one trick pony, and their one trick can be done better by other villains. The Cybermen are interesting but aren't always utilised effectively/are overused. The Master is more versatile as a three dimensional character and a Time Lord who can regenerate and therefore, change personality but is still sometimes overrelied on where re/introducing other three dimensional villains would have more variety.

9. Who is your favourite Doctor Who writer?

Umm, I don't really have favourite writers? I have stories I enjoy but I don't really have a specific writer where I'm like "This guy gets it!"

10. What is your favourite piece of music from Doctor Who?

And if I say the theme tune is that a cop out? It's just so good.

11-15. Are about Torchwood and Sarah Jane Adventures and I've never watched Torchwood and can't remember enough about SJA.

Thanks for asking!

[i-want-candy]

Internship Personal Statement

Candace Gertrude Flynn Personal Statement NASA Internship Program January 26, 2022

When I was young, my dad used to tell me that I could be anything I wanted and when I told him an astronaut, he told me that he couldn’t wait to wave at me from down on Earth when I was orbiting up above him. 

When I was a young girl, I always dreamed of being an astronaut. I really wanted to be up among the stars. I had always found them amazing and fascinating. They were beautiful and shone so bright. I wanted to know more about them. I used to watch a bunch of Star Trek and Star Wars. I love sci-fi but I didn’t just enjoy the movies, I wanted to understand the science behind them. My life has taken me in many directions, but my love of all things space remains. That is why I want this internship, so that I can start my career. 

A few months ago, my little brother found a diorama that I had made when I was young, probably about seven or eight. It was full of ceramic dinosaurs, half of which were missing, and a big, papier-mâché comet coming to crash down and kill all the dinosaurs. Except, as I explained to him, that wasn’t exactly what happened, was it? Sure, Chicxulub struck the earth but it didn’t wipe out dinosaurs in one seismic wave. The truth is much more interesting to me. The process of dust covering the planet and cooling the atmosphere, choking off food supplies for the massive reptiles. 

It may be a bit macabre, but it is those sorts of things that really interest me. I like studying the how and why of things. And space is the ultimate how and why! It’s the reason we are all here, it is our next door neighbor, it surrounds us. We know so little about it, but the things we have found out so far are amazing and humbling. Understanding space helps us understand so many things about ourselves. Who we are, where we come from, where we are going. 

Astrophysics will help us combat climate change and produce space flight, but it also helps us understand ourselves. Humanity. I am first and foremost an artist. I know it seems weird, but I don’t think it is much of a stretch between the two. Both are interested in the fundamental questions of humanity, one just has a bit more math involved. 

I know my CV might look kind of weird. I certainly don’t have the background that I am sure a lot of your other applicants have, but I definitely have the drive. I have recently switched my major to astrophysics, though this does not reflect yet in my school records. I am staying in school longer to make sure I catch up. Even when I was a performing arts major, I took several classes in science. My recommender, Dr. Sumac, taught a few of the classes that I took. I tried to fit one in each semester and have learned so much from those classes, I can’t wait to dive in more. They are spread out across multiple disciplines, but I know that astrophysics is where my heart truly lies. 

Additionally, I have a popular YouTube channel (+other social medias, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok) called CaNDy PoP 101. The name is kind of silly, but the content started as me making up songs for myself to memorize things, but became a way to share and educate people on scientific topics. I don’t stay within astrophysics, but I do have several songs that I did my own research for. All the songs are written, performed, and produced by me in my free time, just because I love it so much. 

I believe that I could thrive in NASA’s program. I know that I would have to work hard, but I am ready for that as I know I will make great contacts at this institution that will serve me well as I continue on a career path for astrophysics. I am a quick learner and very eager to pursue this career. I hope that you will take my application into consideration. I am not your average applicant but I can bring a new perspective to the ongoing research projects and I hope to do so. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. 

[random-imagines-blog]

King of the Wasteland {Tech Boy x Reader}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 1745 Summary: Tech-Boy finds it hard to tell you how he feels. It’s a good thing you’re a master of communication. Notes: Language. It is Techboy after all.

Technology is meant to be cold. It’s meant to be used for your purposes and then upgraded, and then thrown away. It wasn’t supposed to develop any sort of feeling. It’s representation as one of the ‘New Gods’ wasn’t like the others, who things were sacrificed to in order to incite favor. It was just supposed to work. And so it did for many, many years. Doing the thing that it was just supposed to do - until Mr. World had come into play, and stirred things up. And you. You had been the last thing that the Technical Boy had expected to come into his life and shake it like James Bond’s martini.

One of the New Gods yourself, you were on the fence about the war, having friends on both sides. Tech-Boy had been sent to try to lure you over onto his side. The winning side, he had promised. And with that charming tongue, he enticed you and you moved from neutral onto the new side, but preferred the sidelines because all of this violence and taunting was not your style.

It was his, so he did it on behalf of both of you.

“Irrelevant, medieval,” He ranted as you sat on your couch, sipping at a glass of wine. He had been turned down again by one of the other Gods, and turned to you in order to bitch about it. You didn’t speak, knowing that it was much better to let him get it out of his system. Shadow Moon - Wednesday - Bilquis. He would talk about all of them while you listened. He didn’t need advice. He wouldn’t have welcomed it, not even from you. He knew best.

He managed to get most of it out of his system, and then collapsed next to you on the couch. He brought his vape out of his pocket, and took a puff. It exuded a smoke that smelled of watermelon. Your favorite. You lightly tapped against his knees in a morse code pattern, telling him that everything was going to be okay.

“What in the fuck are they doing to me? Sending me as their errand boy,” He said, leaning his head back, exposing his long neck. “If I didn’t have you, I’d fucking explode.”

That wasn’t altogether new, but it was an unexpected compliment from him.

“All I do is listen,” You said, making little circles over his knees now. Communication was your talent, your gift to the world - made more prevalent by the psychiatrists of the last century and a half who found new ways of doing it. Body language. Different types of love languages. You even worked with technology on many things - morse code, binary. Media was your sister in many ways, and combined you created social media. That was the thing about Gods - they could merge. They became many things over time. Developed new skills as humanity became more and more creative about what they wanted and what they needed. “You’re more skilled than you realize. You’ve brought me and others onto your side. You just need to ... find the right language.”

He looked over at you, and seemed to evaluate what working with you on this would bring him. And then he nodded, agreeing with you. He paced around the couch and then settled down beside you, pulling his bony knees up to sit cross-legged. Such a Tech-Boy thing to do. He had troubles sitting still. He always felt the need to evolve. To be better. Restlessness was his demon.

“I-” He started. You turned your head to look at him, eye to eye. Whatever he was going to say didn’t come out. He looked like he had lost his nerve. You tilted your head to the side, patiently waiting for him to continue with it. “I...”

He’d never lost his words like this before. Been interrupted and stopped speaking, sure. But when all was silent, he always managed to fill it, even if it wasn’t in the most eloquent way. He was probably about as elegant as a gigantic elephant, stomping around, but instead of loud footsteps, he had his foul language. Not your greatest achievement in language.

“I appreciate it,” He finally managed to say. You nodded, and finished off your glass of wine, setting the goblet onto the table, and stretched out, your legs going over his body. It was hardly the first time. In fact, you were the only person that he allowed to get so close like this. His arm settled on top of your leg, and he had his thinking expression on. There was always something going on behind those dark eyes of his. And it was rare that he stuttered like that. Below his dignity, you would have thought.

“You seem like you want to say something else,” You said, speaking aloud what you were picking up on. He was tense. He was stressed quite a bit, but rarely tense. Of course you were going to notice. And of course you were going to grow worried. “What is it?”

“Fuck,” He said, rubbing the space between his eyes, breaking off the contact. That alone told you something. It was something about you. He was having trouble saying it.

“Just say it, boy,” You said, nudging him in the stomach with your knee. He held your leg down now, so you wouldn’t be able to do it again. He was stronger than those little twig arms would have you believe.

“I really fucking hate it when you call me that,” He said, glaring at you then looked away quickly. You sighed, and started to massage your own neck.

“Well, we’re going to be joining the old Gods by the time that you finally say whatever it is,” You spoke a bit dramatically. But that was what it was going to take. He was worrying you. But if you showed that to him, he would just revoke whatever it was. He wouldn’t say it. He’d go on ranting so he would seem normal again.

“I never speak properly to you,” He said, like this was some sort of revelation.

“What do you mean?”

“All I do is talk about this fucking war, how annoying media is, how much I hate Shadow...”

“Well, yes, but those are big parts of your life, our lives right now,” You said, reaching over and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Though you do seem really focused on Shadow Moon for some reason. You would feel a lot better if you just left that to Mr. World. You aren’t the only soldier in his army, after all.”

“Fucking right I’m not,” He grumbled.

His hands started to rub at your leg. It didn’t seem like he knew that he was doing it. His fingers made any tension that you were holding under your skin disappear. You weren’t about to start complaining. You smiled lazily, and moaned through your nose, enjoying it. He kept his eyes on you, watching you. “I need to tell you something,” He said, emphasizing the word need. You nodded, and decided to wait patiently this time. Clearly the pressure of earlier hadn’t worked.

He started to look like a fish that had been taken out of water. Or like a child in a school choir who forgot the words and was miming singing. “A little to the left,” You whispered, and his hands moved of their own volition, getting the sweet spot.

The room was preternaturally quiet. You did not keep clocks around in your house, so there wasn’t even the sound of one ticking.

“I -” He started, but then failed again. “Why do you have to make communicating so fucking hard sometimes? Isn’t it your job to make it easy?”

“I’m not trying to make it hard for you,” You said, watching him struggle. It hurt you a bit to see him that way. “Is there any other way that you could tell me?”

“What do you think I’m fucking doing here?” He asked. You pursed your lips and looked over all that he was doing. You took in all of those visual cues to try to understand what he was getting at. When it hit you, it hit you fast and by surprise. You hadn’t been expecting this message, let alone for it to be so loud and clear.

“And yet you still cannot say it?” You teased. It might have been malicious, he certainly thought that it was, but he smirked and looked away from you, focusing his attentions on the table.

“I ... love wine., He picked up your abandoned glass. There were still a few drops, clinging onto the bottom. Not enough to swirl but he attempted it anyway. You laughed lightly,  and shook your head. Well, some people were better at other forms of commuication than others. Tech-Boys wasn’t verbal, as was becoming abundantly clear. But it was physical.

“Silly boy,” You said, moving in closer to him.

“Don’t fuckin-” He was going to complain about you calling him that once again, but you stopped him with a bit of physical communication of your own. A kiss, put on his lips from yours. It was enough to make him shut up for a moment. Right in the middle of a swear too, which was no small feat.

He kissed back with a hunger that had been growing in his stomach for weeks. It had started off with a small craving, like one that he got whenever he discovered a new drug out there. But then when he had tried to brush it off, wipe it out of his mind, focus on work, it grew and it grew. It became so large, that he didn’t even have the room to develop the words to make it happen. His body went on autopilot, doing the work for him.

There were sparks flying during this kiss - both literally and figuratively. Little bits of electricity shocked the skin of both of you, until it became almost too much to bear and you pulled away, giggling at all of these sensations.

“Are you always this premature, or am I just lucky?” You asked.

“You and your fucking teasing.”

“What can I say? It’s how I communicate.”

[ohnoyoonoh]

should haves | based off of sunflower by harry styles, like the meaning. | jaehyun angst | requested | a/n: i assumed how you wanted sunflower to be used in like the meaning, which i researched about. if you’re not satisfied with the story, please message me!

a photo-book was always a good way to reminisce memories. people say to live the moment, but jaehyun was the type of person to live the moment and capture it to relive the sweet memory once again.

he started the photo-book, once he received a polaroid as a christmas gift. he remembered when he started. he started exactly the first day of the new year. he thought it would be fun to take a picture of something everyday. then, he realized that taking one every day wasted precious film, but he also grew bored of capturing his cacti and little things in his apartment. despite the circumstances, his subjects evolved from the succulents placed in his home to himself or maybe his food to someone worth while. 

jaehyun flipped to the next page after reaching the pictures that started to be filled with your presence. he chuckled, as one of the pair of polaroids were you and him covered in flour. that day was filled with joy as you both tried to make a homemade brownies after he found a recipe online that worked out with his best friends. he remembered that you only agreed because you didn’t fully trust him as he burnt the meal the last time he tried to make food.

“so we’re going to need three cups of chocolate chips,” you read the recipe on your computer before looking at him which he nodded. he searched through the drawers and cupboards to find the measuring cups and spoons. as he rummages in a drawer, he perked up his head, “babe, i don’t think we have measuring spoons or cups.”

meanwhile, you were busy taking out the other ingredients that were listed but stopped after hearing him. he squatted quietly as you pondered upon the subject. he watched your facial expressions change quickly as you thought of how to answer the statement. he understood your delayed response as  it was rare to see a home-cooked meal made by the two of you. jaehyun typically just ordered not wanting to tire you out. “maybe, we can just eye it.”

“or we can just use the metric system,” he offered an option by pulling out the scale. 

“yeah, we can do that, too. i don’t know to convert between the systems, though,”  you scrunched your face. he could tell that you didn’t want to take the unnecessary steps to convert the measurements.

“i guess, we’re eyeing it then,” he said, putting the scale back into its place in the cupboard. relieved that you both didn’t needed to put extra effort into measurements, you started pouring the dry ingredients that needed less first in the bowl. “jae, can you get the flour?”

jaehyun hummed, as he opened the cupboard to reach for the flour. he didn’t realize that the bag wasn’t secured all too well as he tipped the bag over before grasping it tightly. his way of collecting the bag of flour didn’t end so well as the next thing he knew was that your work-space was covered in flour. his eyes widened, “oh. i’m so sorry, baby, i didn’t realize that bag was open.”

he wasn’t sure what to do since wetting a paper towel to clean up would cause another mess to deal with. flour mixed with water would make the mixture gummy and can stick to the surface. he knew that situation a little too well, when he was cleaning up after making a birthday cake for you. the white powder was all over the floor, but you. you were caked in the flour, he couldn’t help but chuckle at how silly you looked and managed to still looked cute.

“it’s okay, can you get me a damp paper towel? so i can wipe my eyes, i can barely open them. i also don’t like the taste of the flour,” you asked. 

“yep. i’m sorry, baby,” he rushed to get what you needed but actually went to grab his polaroid camera as it was the perfect moment to do so.. you reassured that he was fine that it was just an accident. as he came back, he went to retrieve what you needed he made sure to not get any splatters of water near the floury mess. as he turned around to hand you the paper towel, he was faced with powder all over his face. he lightly coughed as it got into his mouth, still handing you the paper which you gladly took to wipe your face. needless to say, jaehyun had other plans in mind as he grabbed a fistful of flour and threw it at you, caking you in even more flour if that was even possible. 

“oh, it is on, jung jaehyun.”

the flour battle extended from a portion to your kitchen to the entirety of it. jaehyun started the dramatic music, but he must have forgotten that he has his music on shuffle by default. the music determining where the little flour war started to go in terms of the fighting’s moment. the songs became the songs that you both enjoyed. the battle slowly progressed to you both laying on the ground, making snow angels. basking in the fun while it lasted, you didn’t want the moment to end. 

“i couldn’t want you more, kissing in the kitchen like a dance floor,” jaehyun sang as he held your hand, pressing his lips to back of your hand. he wanted this moment to last, and he remembered the camera. without any comments, he quickly got up to grab it which was still on the counter. you watched him hop up before laying back down with the device in hand. he held it out, already perfected the angle to capturing the photo due to the amount of polaroids he has taken with you.

“that day was great. i remembered when johnny and doyoung caught us laying there laughing our heads off. doyoung yelled at us like there was no tomorrow,” jaehyun laughed. doyoung chewed their heads off for wasting the flour, but he confessed that he disliked that you both didn’t start later enough to where johnny and him could have joined. turning the pages, he finally reached the dried out sunflower which he was reminded to water the plant. he stood up from his sitting position on the floor, grabbing the water bottle and fed the sunflower. he smiled, it was pretty, the petal strong. 

once he finished, he returned to the book, the page was dedicated to the little date that you had at the sunflower field. he always wanted to go to one, despite knowing full well, his allergies might start acting up.

“are you sure you want to have a date here? i don’t want you to get sick or anything,” you pushed the stray strands in front of his face to the side, joining it with the rest of his hair after you saw him trying to blow the pieces away. you stood at the entrance of the field, and he knew you wanted to make sure that he was committed into entering a world full of possibly allergies. the last time you visited a flower patch, he sneezed all week. but he didn’t regret going to it, though.

“yep, plus i’ve been wanting to go here,” he said. he smiled as dramatically did a spin, taking the scenery. taking the first steps into the field, he turned and stuck his hand out to you, “leggo.”

a warm feeling grew inside when you slipped your hand into his, which he started walking you through the beautiful garden. the stroll through the tall stocks of sunflowers left you both in awe. it was magnificent to see the golden petals, and you couldn’t get enough. despite being the same type of flower, they each looked different. each having a different characteristic. 

“babe,” he called your name.

“hmm?”

“do you know why the flowers are facing us?”

“why?”

“when the sun is out, they face it.”

“mmm.. that’s nasty, i’m gonna go throw up,” you laughed at his cheesy pick up line. jaehyun enjoyed telling cheesy lines even if it makes you smack in the arm sometimes. he pouted, knowing it’ll get you to respond to his joke. you replied to his joke. “i’m sorry, bub. yes they do face the sun, because you are the sun.”

his pout turned into a big grin, dimples poking out. he shook his head, “no, you’re the sun. no going against my word. i said it first.”

you rolled your eyes, “fine. i lost this time. i will win next time.”

“and i said, no matter how hard you try, i somehow still win,” he grinned. “i was better at pick up lines. but they were full of cringe. you always made fun of yourself when you thought of the cheesy lines to say. and then when we got home, i started sneezing like crazy. i ended up having allergies. even when you knew you were right, you never made me feel bad by saying i told you so.”

flipping to the next page. the last page. the last polaroids. you holding the gift of ear pieces he given you. a picture of you two with some nctzens and the members holding a sign that said will you marry me. another image captured everyone standing in front of the busking crowd. finally you two standing in front of the eiffel tower. the day jaehyun asked you to marry him is one of his favorite days. the perfect opportunity was when nct had visited paris for a couple of things on their schedules. he used your bucket list to his advantage and chose the point of how you wanted to do a busking. it took awhile for the approval to do one, as the managers needed to get the male a permit to do it. he’s never been so jittery when hearing the result of his plan. he had multiple, but he wanted to knock something off of your bucket list. “ah, the busking. you were so nervous about singing because you only ever did it when you’re scrolling through social media or playfully doing so when it was a karaoke night with the boys.”

“jae, i don’t know i am really nervous. the only times i ever sing is like when we’re at our apartment and it’s just you. or when it’s karaoke night with the guys,” you said as jaehyun led you through the streets of the city of love. he chuckled as you commented how you didn’t feel the romance in the air, as you expected it to be but sure was pretty. he listened as you compared paris, saying it different from the korean streets but shared similar feelings. the only difference was it shared a little bit more diversity among people. 

your hand in his, he squeezed it to reassure you, “you’ll be okay, baby. you shut everyone else out when you get so into the song so well. plus, the boys will be there, too. they’re part of your number one fanclub.” reaching the destination, you see the members already performing and gathered a small crowd. it grew bigger bit by bit.  the live sound from the band made your heart race more but also somehow made you calm down. it was exhilarating to say the least. you always enjoyed buskings similar to these. watching them back in korea was something you did when you and jaehyun ran errands and always made sure to reach the time the singing buskings would start. the tune of pandora’s box grew louder as you neared the make-shift venue. jaehyun quitely sang the song as he led you to where the managers were waiting for you both .they helped jaehyun put his ear-pieces on, adjusting the box into his back pockets. the managers handed him another box, revealing to be your own set of ear pieces. 

he showed you the ear pieces, taking it out of the box. you observed the ear pieces, reading the engraved words. you laughed, seeing that your inside joke landed as the design. you jokingly told jaehyun that if you were an idol that you would get a design on your earpieces that it would say be quiet, don’t cry on one and the other with i just want some milk. in your words, “it’s such an iconic line for teenage jaehyun.” you given him a side hug, showing your appreciation towards the ear-pieces even if you were going to only use them this one time. 

jaehyun helped you prepare for the performance, straightening the wires making sure they didn’t get caught within your undergarments. he slipped the clip onto your waistband, adjusting it so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable as you sat in the chair. “you ready, love?”

“yeah, a little nervous but just as we practiced.” you nodded your head. you both waited for the song to end. he wasn’t going to join them for a song wanting to prepare as much as he can before the proposal. the busking venue the managers chosen was cute. there was a white blanket hanging behind them, which projected videos and pictures of the boys. the idea showing the members first as they performed and it subtly transitioned to your memories together as you done your songs were entirely his idea. he knew that you kept a pile of sd cards lying around with the vlog material that you had, along with the pictures. you enjoyed capturing the moments as he does with his polaroid. he left his thoughts after seeing that the boys finished. johnny patted jaehyun on the back. jaehyun took your hand in his once again, staring at you with a small smile. he awaited your response, wanting to know your final response to performing. you nodded, confirming that you were ready. he walked towards the two chairs, letting you pick which one you wanted to sit in. some of the members cleared the leftover chairs, creating a space just for you two. he thanked them with a head bow, donghyuck and mark shooting a thumbs up that everything was ready to go. johnny manned the computer that was connected to the projector, prepared to start the video when it was the right time.

jaehyun handed you a microphone, and he introduced the two of you. he knew how hard you’ve been practicing ever since that he told you that the managers were able to make the busking happen. you worked hard for a straight month. he was sure that you could debut as an idol if you wanted to.

exactly how he said, you immersed yourself into the song well that you forgot that you were singing to a crowd. it was just you and him. it felt so nice to sing your heart out to someone, knowing that they’ll treat it well. you were the one who jaehyun wanted to spend the rest of his life with. he was sure of it. he couldn’t help but stare at you as you sang your verses. he certainly was whipped for you. well in the words of mark. he watch you smile as the second song ended. opening your eyes, you met them with jaehyun’s. the crowd cheering you both before he spoke again, “i got a little surprise for you.”

the countless nights he stayed up to complete the video were surely worth the loss sleep, as your reaction was worth it. you may have cried, but it was worth it. the boys and the fans that helped him were overjoyed to hear you utter yes. the crowd at the busking also cheered again for the successful proposal. he grinned, remembering the loud claps and whistles that were for you two. 

a tear dropping onto the page covered your smiles.

jaehyun wiped it off, but he couldn’t stop the incoming tears that soon fell onto the page. now he was here without you. he knew it was his fault. it was all his fault for you leaving him. he should have tried harder. he should have done something. he knows if he tried harder then that you would be there with him. he should have done better with the first argument you had. he should have listened to you and taken the time off from work. he should have learned from the first argument. he should have committed time to you more. he should have done it right the first time. he could have prevented these should haves and you would be right here with him.

but now here he is. he hoped to fix everything by watering the plant just like how he did with the sunflower earlier. now the given attention was a little too late as the sunflower finally let go all of its petals.

-

“Sunflowers just died Keep it sweet in your memory”

[lisalowefanclub]

Multiplicity and what identification and representation means to Us

Madeline: I don’t remember there being many cool, attractive, and overall desirable but not fetishized (bye yellow fever) representations of Asian people in mainstream media while I was growing up in the early 2000s. The Asian media I did consume was introduced to me by my dad, so you can imagine the kind of outdated and endearingly weird characters I was exposed to as a kid. Think blind Japanese swordsman Zatoichi or humanoid child robot Astro Boy, both of which originated in Japan around the 60s. As for celebrities, I occasionally heard people talking about Lucy Liu or Jackie Chan, but only as defined by their stereotypical Asian-ness. My point is that this kind of cultural consumption fell into one of two categories: that of obscurity, which suggests that cultural objects are created by Asians for Asians (bringing to mind labels like “Weeb” for Western people who love anime), or that of hypervisibility grounded in stereotypical exoticism. You’d be hard pressed to find a film that passes the Asian Bechdel test.I didn’t discover K-pop until coming to college when I became curious about who my white friends were fawning over all the time. Since then, it’s been really neat to see how K-pop has become popularized as one of the many facets of America’s mainstream music and celebrity culture, especially when artists write and perform songs in Korean despite the majority of their audience lacking Korean language fluency. This suggests that something about the music is able to transcend language barriers and connect people despite their differences. Today it’s not uncommon to see Korean artists topping Billboard’s hot 100 hits, being interviewed on SNL, winning American music awards, gracing the cover of Teen Vogue, or being selected as the next brand ambassador for Western makeup brands like M.A.C. If you were to ask your average high school or college student if they know Blackpink, BTS, or EXO, they would probably be familiar with one of the groups whether or not they identify as Asian.What does this mean, then, for young Asian-Americans to grow up during a time when Asian celebrities are thought to be just as desirable as people like Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, or Michael B. Jordan? What does it mean to see an Asian person named “Sexiest International Man Alive”, beating out long-time favorite European celebs? What does it mean for popularity to exist outside of the realm of the racialized minority and for it to build connections across minority cultures? Of course, fame can be toxic and horrible-- it is, at times superficial, materialistic, gendered, fetishized, and absolutely hyper-sexualized-- but I for one think it’s pretty damn cool to see people who look like me featured in mainstream American culture.I’ve found that throughout the semester, my understanding of Asian presence in America (American citizen or otherwise) has been deeply shaped by our discussions of identity politics and marginalization, another class I’m taking on intergenerational trauma, and my own identity as a Laotian-American woman. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between American proxy wars in Korea (The Forgotten War) and Laos (The Secret War), both of which involved US bombing of citizens in the name of halting communism. Taking this class has challenged me to reconceptualize how we make sense of mass atrocity in relation to a pan-Asian identity, especially when contending with how trauma and violence can act as a mechanism for cultural production, and I look forward to exploring this more in my thesis. 

Cyndi:  K-pop is always just the beginning. Enough in and of itself, any interest in the genre at all reinvigorates the consumer to become more engaged with the world in which it exists. Two years ago, I got into a big, but in hindsight pretty silly, argument with my mom when I started going to a Korean hair salon (because of my K-pop delulus / Jennie prints) instead of seeing Maggie, our Vietnamese hairdresser who I can usually only see twice a year on our bi-annual visits to California to visit extended family. My mom told me the Koreans don’t need our money, they are already richer than we will ever be. Who are ‘the Koreans’? Who is ‘we’?? Is every person of Korean descent doing better than every person of Vietnamese descent in America? And #why is my mom being A Hater? Surely, sharing our identity as ‘perpetual guests’ in America should create some sort of solidarity, or at least, allow for transitory economic collaboration??? I give my money to white people all the time: to McDonald’s (Cookie Totes), to Target, to Swarthmore College. 

K-pop cannot be the end. As much as I enjoy the music, the show, and the celebrities, I also know in my heart that the current international interest in K-pop will not last. As an almost perfect and perplexing exemplification of modern global capitalism, the industry will over-expand and thus wear itself out. I always see the subtle disappointment on my language teachers’ faces when they ask me how I came to take interest in Korean, and I have to answer ‘K-pop’, because that is the truth; that is not where I am at now, but it will always be how I began. It has become clear to me that this disappointment is not just a generational difference. Maybe these old people are jealous of pop stars like how I also have to question whether I am secure in myself when I see a 14 year old accomplishing things I as a 21 year old could never accomplish in my long life. I am coming to understand that part of their reaction comes from the fact that there is a fine line between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation, that pop culture is ephemeral, but they have lived their lives as entirely theirs. Casual or even consuming interest for the parts of culture that are bright, and clean, and easy cannot ever stand in for true racial empathy, though it is where many of us start. Identity in K-pop is merely another marketing technique, but to the community of fans and lovers, it is something that is real, lived, and embodied. I find that looking at K-pop always brings forth my most salient identities in terms of gender, race, and sexuality. As much as female group members express affection and jokingly portray romantic interest toward one another, would it ever be accepted if these jokes were no longer jokes, but lived realities? Even if the K-pop industry itself did not seek to produce fan communities of this magnitude, these communities that have been founded in response to it are here to stay.  Lowe argues that “to the extent that Asian American culture dynamically expands to include both internal critical dialogues about difference and the interrogation of dominant interpellations” it can “be a site in which horizontal affiliations with other groups can be imagined and realized” (71). A recent striking example is Thai fans’ demand to hear from Lisa on the protests -- a primarily youth-led movement against the government monarchy--going on in Thailand. Although she is, of course, censored and silenced on this topic, the expectation is still there; fans are holding their idols to a standard of political responsibility. 

Jimmy: I haven’t really paid much attention to K-pop until working on this project. Sure, my cousins would do anything to go see BTS perform in person, but I didn’t care so much. Or maybe, I was just not saturated with the cultural zeitgeist. Whereas they live in the center of a cosmopolitan city which imports and exports, my hometown hums white noise. Increasingly, though, K-pop has entered into my life and the wider American cultural space. Now, K-pop tops the charts and is featured on late-night talk shows. Whether or not you are a devout follower, you have probably encountered K-pop in some form. It was not until I went to Swarthmore that I have “become” Asian American. Back home, my friends are primarily either white or Vietnamese-American. And even though I did recognize that I had an “Asian” racial identity mapped onto me, I did not consider it to be based on any politics. After engaging with and working within  Organizing to Redefine “Asian” Activism (ORAA) on campus, as well as taking this course, I have a better grasp of what it means to rally around an Asian American identity. It is a way to organize and resist. Reflecting on my political evolution, I feel comforted and alienated by the cultural weight of K-pop in America. It is amazing to see the gravity of cultural production shift away from the West. And to have global celebrities from Asia is great. Yet, K-pop is limited as a platform for Asian Americans to create identity. What are the consequences when mainstream ideas about contemporary “Asian” culture are still perpetually foreign from America? Is Asian American community just built around transnational cultural objects like K-pop and bubble tea? Does the economic and cultural capital of K-pop held by its idols obscure or erase the heterogeneity and multiplicity of Asian Americans? 

Jason: The first time I heard K-Pop was when Gangnam Style came on during a middle school social event when everyone is standing in their social circles doing their best not to be awkward when teacher chaperones are constantly staring at the back of your head seeing if any wrongdoing would occur. At that time, I could never imagine the K-Pop revolution that would occur within the American music industry.  Anytime I turn on the radio it is only a matter of time until a BTS song will start being blasted from the speakers. It is crazy to think that K-Pop has become so widespread within American popular culture that mainstream radio stations in Massachusetts are so willing to play K-Pop, even the billboards of 104.1 “Boston’s Best Variety” are plastered with BTS, because they know that is what their audience wants. Eight years ago, during that middle school social Gangnam Style was more about being able to do the dance that accompanied the song rather than the song itself. This has completely changed as more and more people are finding themselves becoming devout supporters of K-Pop. This class and project have continuously been pushing me out of my comfort zone by engaging in literature that I would never have read and discussions that I would never have imagined participating in. I have even listened to more K-Pop over the past couple of weeks than I had ever before in my life. I was impressed by myself when a song by BLACKPINK came on and the radio host said here’s some new music that I knew that the song was from their first album that came out around a month ago. I am grateful that I have been pushed out of my comfort zone and “forced (by having to actually do the homework)” to engage in the material of the class. Who knows how long this K-Pop fascination will last in American popular culture, but I am glad that I could be a part of it rather than letting it pass me by and staying within my comfortable music sphere of country, pop, and British rap.  

[danwhobrowses]

AEW Double of Nothing 2020 - My Thoughts

Well that was a long night, it’s tough watching USA PPVs in the UK. But Double or Nothing is in the books and since I have free time I thought I’d talk about some stuff I liked and disliked I’ll have to note, I’m not a sole AEW fan, I like stuff from WWE, NJPW, Stardom, TJPW and DDT Pro too, dabbling in ROH, Impact and NWA from time to time and reminiscing fondly over the time Lucha Underground was great. But I say this because I don’t want people quickly pointing fingers at me accusing me of being a stan for AEW or WWE just because I like or dislike something they disagree with, I’m not playing bias I am literally working on impulse and sleep deprivation

Spoilers for AEW Double or Nothing 2020 obviously, watch, enjoy, look at some gifs maybe and come back here

The Buy-In:

Private Party vs Best Friends (Winner is No.1 Contender for the AEW World Tag Team Championship) Winner: Best Friends via Pinfall (Strong Zero to Marq Quen)

For a pre-show match it was fine, the Buy-In stream did start way too early and streaming and audio issues would plague both Fite and BR Live streams throughout. As for the match, it was a tad sloppy at times but it is worth reminding people that PP haven’t been wrestling in a while. And they weren’t terrible botches, just a few overexersions, people can’t be as crisp as Rey Fénix every match, especially since there’s more margin of error the more people involved in the spot there is. The match was very back and forth at times, and the highlight has to be the G9, PP (and Big Swole) had been wearing SG armbands in honor of Shad Gaspard, who tragically died in Venice Beach due to a rip current submerging him, I had been a big fan of Cryme Tyme (and PS4′s God of War which he did motion capture of Kratos for) when they were in WWE, so the nice homage of using their finisher was a nice touch. As for the result I didn’t mind either way, I had backed PP due to their ongoing BTE feud with Hangman Page, but the Best Friends have definitely been consistent enough to challenge and possibly even win the titles, it would be sensible for them to win it too since they have lingering feuds with TH2, Death Triangle, The Superbad Death Squad and Butcher and Blade.

Main Card:

Intermission build for Casino Ladder Match

It was mostly people explaining how and why they were gonna win, but I did have to make a separate mention for Jimmy Havoc, dressed to fucking drip. Man looks like a bond villain.

Casino Ladder Match (Winner is No.1 Contender for the AEW World Championship at Fyter Fest) Winner: Brian Cage An early point I wanna make, I think AEW are spying on me because I had much earlier thought up a similar idea of a ‘Bargaining Chip’ to work as a guaranteed contendership boon. If Tony Khan wants to pick my brain all he has to do is call, I still think all non-title ‘Double or Nothing’ matches should be worth 2 wins/losses in the spirit of the PPV name. I also didn’t mind the giant chip, would’ve been silly if it was regular sized. AEW has a winner with this format I think, the battle royale format was good for introducing a group of new faces, but in a more condensed format the Casino rules for a Ladder match work two ways, the early people have less opposition to win while the last people are fresh, the red ladders were a bit much for my tastes though. As for the match, it was still a bit messy but there were 9 people plus interferences to deal with, also since Fénix was pulled from the match we have to give benefit of the doubt in terms of the match narrative changing. It was an odd choice picking both members of SCU to start but we may be setting up Superbad Death Squad vs SCU tensions as well, adding Darby in the halfway mark was a good burst of energy but you really do wince with the stuff Darby ragdolls through. OC was his usual hilarious self, the low-effort reach attempts, the brief pause with Cabana. The frenetic energy of Janela resumed the pace from the comedy segment until the super heavyweights came in; I did find that Luchasaurus did prioritize a fight over the match itself, but it worked for his heavyweight mentality and after being undone by Allin’s sunset bomb, gave us the space for the final entrant. Brian Cage, I love that man he is just nonsense talented, his moveset is unique and malleable and his power is insane. What a way to debut as well, completely ripped apart a ladder, murdered Allin with a ‘F-5000′ (Props to Excalibur as always) and was running roughshot - aside from OC, who almost hilariously piggybacked a win - until most of the competitors basically flattened him under a bunch of miscellaneous objects and a giant poker chip. This gave Luchasaurus some time to have some fun as the ‘Big Man’ too, really did enjoy the Marko mini-ladder and OC channeling the Hurricane with the chokeslam attempt, I do appreciate that Best Friends and Jurassic Express still have that rivalry, also Janela’s running DVD to OC on top of the pile of miscellaneous objects was a great spot, but it was all leading up to Cage bursting out and squaring off with the Dino, more of this! There was a bit of wobbly knees but the powerbomb on the ladder with gnarly, and we are due a hoss match for Luchasaurus since his feuds with Wardlow and the Butcher fell through due to COVID. But this was Cage’s time, I thought Allin was gonna sneak it for a moment but then I remembered that Cage winning was much more story-based. The ladder spot was brutal and a bit too much for the finish but the result I am still quite happy with. Before Fénix was pulled I backed him to win because I felt that the world title picture needed some speed after the methodical match with Hager, but Cage does have the speed and the power to put on a good show, he’s a proven world champion at Impact and he has been on AEW’s radar for a long time, injury keeping him out.As much as one can complain that this was just a gratuitous spot fest there was storyline; the faction conflicts of SCU, Superbad Death Squad, Best Friends and Jurassic Express was apparent but the main story by the end was the story of Allin and Tazz, Tazz was angered by Darby’s hostile response to his offer of managing him after his loss to Cody, so he’s taken Cage under his wing to enact some payback. It’s a solid looking pairing too, using the legends as managers is something AEW does well and using Tazz as Cage’s manager with his promo skills and their physical similarities is an interesting combination.

Jungle Boy vs MJF Winner: MJF via Pinfall (Modified European Clutch) This was one of my favourite wrestling matches on the card. The back and forth between MJF and Jungle Boy had some great athleticism and technical wrestling. This can easily be a top tier feud between the two later down the line, they are like two sides of a coin. The match had great storytelling in the fact that MJF worked Jungle Boy’s arm, which allowed him to escape situations like the crossface and hold on to the final pinfall, MJF was pulling great heel works and trickery while trying to work Jungle Boy into the Salt of the Earth finisher, the knee injury fakeout was great. But Jungle Boy also rallied with the babyface resilience, the explosive anger in the face of MJF’s undermining and proved his strength. I appreciated the finish as well, MJF won clean but Jungle Boy looked excellent, and it avoided Wardlow ex Machina. MJF continues to look more and more like world champion material and I can see him stealing it from Moxley.

TNT Presentation with Mike Tyson

Okay, I don’t like the belt. I’m sorry, I know it’s unfinished due to COVID so there’s room for improvement but it just looks too simple on the main plate. It seems like every other belt AEW releases is a bit lacking. The World and Tag titles are sublime but the Women’s title is far too small and the TNT title just lacks detail, it’s also hard to not think it looks like the WWE Raw Tag Titles mixed with the 24/7 title, I have never been a big fan of plastering the name in BIG DISTRACTING LETTERS in the middle. Granted, I get why silver was used for a midcard belt, and not every title can be Big Gold, Winged Eagle, NXT UK,  IWGP or the ROH world title, but it could’ve taken more inspiration from the IC white strap, NXT NA title, AWA Southern Heavyweight or even the NJPW US title if you’re so adamant about the bright red strap. Frankly I was just disappointed that AEW presented such a weak design.

TNT Championship Tournament Final Winner: Cody via Pinfall (2 Consecutive Cross Rhodes) The finals for the match started off impressively, Archer looking like a total monster even bringing in some poor sod to decimate in front of an entertained Tyson before striking early with his finisher on Cody. Cody fought from under Archer’s offence to get some licks into his core. Sadly not all the cuts to Tyson were great, the one that’ll dominate media being the one where he was caught yawning. Before smarks jump at it, people are allowed to yawn, it’s not always a sign of boredom, given that Tyson is 53, has been hitting the gym hard and it was past 10pm, every other time they went to him he looked like he was loving the match, especially Archer’s heel intensity. The match didn’t have enough of Arn and Jake for my liking, given what was hinted at during Dynamite, I didn’t mind them being ejected especially since Arn was playing dirty too. Cody did pull out some storied offence with the Stringer Splash and Dustin’s Final Reckoning, but the ending kinda felt like the wrong result. After Jake was scared away by a Ripped Tyson from bringing his snake to the ring, Archer just became undone by Cody wriggling out of the Black Out and nailing two Cross Rhodes (third of the match) for the W. It was a bit iffy, I mean Cody has used the double Cross Rhodes to win a few matches already, so it felt like for me if Cody was to win then he’d need to pull off something extra. One Cross Rhodes made Archer kick out at one after all. Many people will use this as ‘Cody is an EVP of course he books himself as champion’ trying to liken him to Triple H or Jeff Jarrett, but while I disagreed with the result, I don’t think it’s bad that Cody wins a midcard title. He is never going to win the world title, he’s been a consistently great babyface for the company too and put MJF and Jericho over, as a wrestler you can’t have Cody not win a title ever. But that being said, I think defeat did hurt Archer, he was so in control of the match and just came undone right at the end, there was a heavy contrast to the Archer that started the match and the Archer that finished. It doesn’t mean he’s lost his aura completely, but winning the title would’ve done him more favours than it would have done Cody at this current time.

Intermission: Britt Baker Injury Update To prelude the Ford/Statlander match, there was a small bit explaining the nature of Britt Baker’s injury. It was kinda decent to still sell Britt’s gimmick by the doctor admitting that she’s being a handful, but the 6-8 week time frame is a shame, that’s only competing though, it’ll be interesting what they do with her on next Dynamite, she may get herself an enforcer too (Nyla could work, or Sadie Gibbs since she’s due a re-debut).

Penelope Ford vs Kris Statlander Winner: Kris Statlander via Pinfall (Big Bang Theory) While Penelope only had brief involvement in the Casino Ladder Match (she did have a weird space of just standing there for a bit as OC started to use 0.5% of his full power), hers and Kip’s entrance did put a smile as Kip sold the ladder match hard, as did Kris’ booping to the crowd and the joyous reactions of Nakazawa, Austin Gunn and Suge D/Pineapple Pete from it. The match itself was okay, this stage felt like a palate cleanser if anything. Ford and Kris did work pretty well, there was a nervy suicide dive where Kris’ head almost went into the barricade but we also got some great strikes, a good hurricanrana from Ford and a solid end as Kip tried to break the pin using his crutches. Ford has been lowkey great for the women’s division, her surprise win over Riho is proof of that, but Statlander was due a win. I felt like against Britt she was due a loss but now it feels like we can expand on that feud a bit, it’s good signs from AEW’s weak spot and it just needs a bit more faces - which of course is limited by COVID but I do really miss seeing Bea, Allie, Swole (who almost every heel in the crowd seemed to wanna rile up), Anna Jay, Shanna, Riho, Emi Sakura (who streamed her reactions of the show) and personal favourite Yuka Sakazaki in the ring, as well as hoping for returns from Ivelisse, Jamie Hayter, Sadie Gibbs and Awesome Kong for the Women’s Division, also maybe bring Vickie into the fold as a manager, she was a presence in the crowd.

Dustin Rhodes vs Shawn Spears Winner: Dustin Rhodes via Pinfall (Final Reckoning) Sadly this was the weakest match on the card. Started pretty well though, Spears was heeling it up a la Booker T in KOTR when Angle wasn’t cleared to compete and still demanded that they be counted out. There was also the HBK Montreal music fake-out which was pretty good, but he did wait a bit long to pull off the smile. Brandi halted the count allowing for Dustin to pull a sneak which was made great by the camera movement but from there it started to devolve into a weak spot. Comedy matches are fine, but times and place work for it, and Shawn Spears’ continued pursuit against Cody should not have been a comedy match in my opinion. I never dig the strip bit as well, there’s only so much you can suspend disbelief and Shawn being stripped to his boxers that have Tully Blanchard’s face on them is over that line.  If Dustin was to win then I wished it wasn’t this way, sadly Spears has been hit with a revolving door of gimmicks, the Chairman was good but lacked intensity, the needing a partner looked to be going somewhere until COVID limited his options (and sank Brandon’s push) and this new anti-Cody gimmick has suddenly became a joke, it’s not a good spot for him especially when he had a pretty good match with Cody in the TNT tournament. We know through MJF that he can do comedy, but the key to comedy is timing and Shawn’s character should’ve been looking towards him contending for Cody’s newfound TNT title rather than being humiliated ass-cheeks out on TV...at least Peyton has something to giggle about at home though. Pre-Match Tribute to Hana Kimura (1997-2020)

I was glad that AEW took a moment to tribute Hana’s death. After the homage to Shad in the Buy-In I was hoping that they would reference her before the women’s title match and my hopes were realised. Reading the headline of her death yesterday morning put a horrid pit in my stomach, I had always felt that Hana was one of the most talented women in Stardom, as ‘Dark Hana’ in Oedo Tai, ‘Rave Hana’ when feuding with Kagetsu, ‘Death-Hana’ when teaming with Yama and of course as the TCS leader, I easily saw her in a few years time being the face of the company, her faction was on a high, she partook in Stardom’s first ever Tokyo Dome match at Wrestle Kingdom, she had wrestled in guest entires for DDT Pro and ROH, and I also hoped to see her in an AEW ring one day (Brandi had Stardom ties after all). Her dedication to the business was palpable as she even went into a reality show to try and get more eyes on wrestling, and yet cyberbulling drove her to feel so sub-human that she likely took her own life. It was a horrible, horrible thing to read about, and I really wanted to vent this out yesterday but didn’t due to the fact that I didn’t tribute Shad’s death and didn’t want it to appear that I only cared about Hana’s death. Shad’s death was sad of course, he nobly prioritised the rescue of his son and sadly time was not on his side against the elements, it’s obviously terrible that he died and the world is poorer for his loss as well, but Hana’s death hit me harder for different reasons. For one, she was 22, 5 years younger than me, her career was bright and her smile wide, and yet anonymous sadsacks were able to torment her enough for no reason other than so they could bring a young woman down to make themselves feel better, as a person who underwent a lot of bullying at a young age - I was forced to eat dirt once in primary school - this did hit hard for me, because despite both deaths being tragic: Shad died because of the elements nobody can control, Hana died because of people, sad, despicable people and even though I never knew Hana or would’ve even been able to reach her, it sucks feeling that there was nothing we could do to help her. In conclusion, bullying sucks, and Excalibur put it aptly as many others have, it doesn’t cost a thing to be kind and if you’re struggling there’s people who’ll be there for you.

AEW Women’s Championship (No DQ or Count-Out) Nyla Rose (c) vs Hikaru Shida Winner: Hikaru Shida via Pinfall (’Three Count’ Knee Strike) Perhaps one of the best women’s matches AEW have put on, I was very looking forward to this matchup. I am not one of those people who disliked Rose winning the title, she (yes she, grow up) was a good, dominant heel and I bloody love that jumping knee strike. But I also love Shida, she’s been a consistent force in AEW, being a part of most of the Women’s Division’s best matches, also she as a person is very likeable. I have to add a note that while I’m not too familiar with Final Fantasy (Tumblr seems to think I am mind you), I did like the small Tifa Lockhart cosplay in Shida’s attire. In general the fancy entrances and attires were sadly limited by COVID, but when you did see them it did make it a little special because of its rarity. The No DQ stip was a good one, I did worry it would lead to Shida’s downfall but the storytelling revolving around Shida’s tenacity, Nyla’s brutality and the coveting of the kendo stick all really meshed together well. There were some solid spots and some proper brutal strikes. I appreciated the attention to the fact that Nyla’s arm and Shida’s leg were weakened and that came into play as they landed their big moves to a near fall. The finale though was good, following a beautiful sequence of an Avalanche Falcon Arrow and the weak-legged ‘Three Count’ at two, Shida’s resiliency proved too much for the native beast as she laid her out with a Kendo stick to the head and one more ‘Three Count’ for the eventual namesake. While Nyla’s reign was long, COVID did sadly prevent her from defending much and that was a shame, her only real defense being against Statlander, but it was the right call to pull the trigger on Shida. Like Asuka in WWE, she has been a consistent fan favourite with star aura, being No DQ also aided Nyla in saving face; Shida only won due to her Kendo strikes and out-of-ring spots, so it made her strong that it took that stipulation to bring her to her limit. I do welcome the type of storylines they’ll have to build opponents for Shida too, with Britt in recovery it gives her time before they can renew hostilities, which grants a platform for other heels to develop and challenge. Also do appreciate that the top titles were carded back-to-back, speaking of which...

AEW World Heavyweight Championship Jon Moxley (c) vs “The Exalted One” Mr. Brodie Lee Winner: Jon Moxley via KO by Submission (Rear Naked Choke) While the build to Moxley and Brodie started abrupt, one had to appreciate jumping at this matchup sooner rather than later. Both men were lacking a strong feud to go with since the Inner Circle were still involved with The Elite and SCU were being preoccupied with the TNT title. The Dark Order had gained a resurgence with the mystery of the Exalted One, and with some impressive squashes by Brodie and Preston Vance impressing as his new protegee ‘10′, things were looking decent for the faction, but this still remained a risky angle. For Brodie this would be a make or break moment for his character, he had already gotten some disdain as people compared his gimmick to a Vince McMahon caricature and questions rose on whether he was ready for this spot, if he wasn’t then the Dark Order would’ve fell to square one. But that didn’t happen. From the moment Brodie came out with his horde he exuded a brilliant amount of heel smugness, feeling as if being champion was already a certainty (I do also love how previously he had a minion carry the belt for him like a boxing entourage), the mind games already on display before the bell even rang. Moxley also looked raring to go, his usual swaying self with a bit of purpose and a lovely gold sprayed jacket as he strided to the ring, separated by a row of security to sell the animosity between the villain and the antihero. The match was very strong, a really enjoyable world title match that meshed the brawling styles of both men, the advantage going to and fro as Brodie used his power to gain advantage while Moxley used his unconventional assault - even grabbing Lee’s beard for a headbutt - and the outside of the ring with a lovely Paradigm Shift through the ramp that brought some believable (in the context of the spot) colour to Brodie’s face. The finish increased the pace in brilliant fashion as Brodie shockingly kicked out of the Paradigm Shift at one, from there Moxley looked desperately to put Brodie away before he could rally, hammering at the head wound before cleverly bringing Brodie down with a Rear Naked Choke. I was surprised a lot of people didn’t like that finish, it kept Brodie strong that he didn’t tap out and a rear naked choke is a great finish, it has legitimacy since it ends many UFC fights, it was smart as well because Brodie was bleeding, so on top of blood loss making him light-headed Moxley cut off his blood flow to his head to knock him out. You also have to appreciate this incorporation to Moxley’s moveset, adding submission means there’s a new way he can win and it comes from the MMA background of Hager, like the Gotch Piledriver adopted from Minoru Suzuki (and I have to say Kaze ni Nare whenever I see him do it), seeing Moxley adapt his moveset is a nice little tidbit that helps Moxley feel more studied in his experiences. Also side bar, god bless Leva Bates. In the past two matches she kept in-character and rescued a laptop from destruction. Her wrestling does need a bit of fine tuning but her character work is undeniably great. Overall, like Jungle Boy vs MJF, it did help the match not to have interference, it was two people decking each other to see who’s best and Moxley proved himself more ferocious. Brodie showed himself as a main event quality wrestler who looked good with the title on, pushing through assault multiple times to only be eked into defeat (unlike Archer). Hopefully his story furthers in either respecting that even he must strengthen or lashing out because of his weakness.

Stadium Stampede Match Winner: The Elite, ‘Broken’ Matt Hardy & ‘Hangman’ Adam Page via Pinfall (One-Winged Angel on Sammy Guevara) Well, that was surely something. Not to be outdone by MITB, the storied rivalry of The fractured Elite, Hangman and Matt Hardy against the Inner Circle went hilariously wild and creative with the Stadium Stampede and I loved every single second of it. I’ll try to remember everything in the match to praise so here goes; the Inner Circle’s entrance like an NFL team was great fun, would’ve liked them to jump out of a paper symbol of the Inner Circle but it didn’t take away from the entertainment value. The Elite started without Hangman as they charged at the IC to meet in the middle, some fighting in the ring and some out. Hangman won the entrance game though by ominously strolling on horseback as Sammy Guevara quickly read between the lines and bolted, only to have shaken off Hangman to return for a missed shooting star press on Matt and then a very nearly uncaught one out of the ring too. Not to be outdone, Matt Jackson - broken ribs and all - pulled off a crisp moonsault off the goal post of the stadium while the Bucks tussled with ‘Le Sex Gods’, Santana and Ortiz tussled with Omega and Hardy and Hager went to search for Hangman, who had since dismounted after locating the lobby bar. Kenny had a rough double powerbomb table spot which was quickly cut to replay in order to mask either Santana and/or Ortiz losing his footing on the table and fell off it, but the cut allowed that moment to be skipped as the tag team focused on Hardy. Broken Brilliance would ensue as the team would try to drown Matt in a swimming pool(!?) that happened to be a pool of reincarnation, surfacing Team Extreme ‘Classic Matt’ and then ‘V1 Matt’ with graphics of ‘MATTer of Fact’ that Santana and Ortiz hilariously acknowledged with confusion, all the while an underwater cam would film Matt still happily doing his Team Extreme/V1 hand gestures while drowning. Damascus resurfaced from the pool to deal with the duo, sending both through a table, immobilizing Ortiz by ringing a bell with his head inside and taping him to a ‘chair of wheels’ and then getting his own back by locking Santana in an ice box. I will have to say, while this was great fun with Matt, I do worry a little for Santana and Ortiz. The former LAX were one of the best tag teams in the world leaving Impact and I had hoped they’d take the tag titles in this feud, but they’ve been kept from it like the Bucks have, between the Lucha Bros, SCU, Best Friends and rumours of FTR, the pool does have a lot of strong teams and it’s easy to get lost in the fold. But back to the action, Hager finds Hangman enjoying a whiskey, after a brief ceasefire to drink the bar brawl hits the right notes of great western tropes, including cue stick strikes, Hager dragging Hangman across the bar stand and table spots. Hager looked really strong here, taking on Page and the arriving Omega before being sent wobbly by multiple bottles of bubbly to the head, followed by a V-Trigger and a Buckshot Lariat over the bar as Kenny platformed for Page’s flip, a nice resolution as the tag team get on the same page, sharing a whiskey and a milk. Stories returned to the stadium as the Bucks and Jericho had their own mixture of creative spots and comedy; Matt did a ‘100 yard’ chain of Northern Lights Suplexes onto Guevara while Jericho demanded a VAR replay on a 2 count from Aubrey Edwards (I love how involved Aubrey gets as well), Le Champion also sent Nick through a Jaguars jaguar head’s mouth and did a Judas Effect on the team mascot while Matt was penalized after his touchdown dance referencing Alan Wright, leading to the ref being Superkicked. The Bucks then were able to isolate Jericho and lay him out with Nick doing a bonkers splash through a table starting from the steps of the stadium all the way down to the field, added insult to injury following as Hangman drove over Jericho with a chalk liner But the star of the match had to be Guevara. That kid is a literal star, his expressions and delusion is so on point as well, Spanish gods bless him and his 1000+ lives. After recovering from the 100 yard suplex run, he collapsed onto sprinklers which turned on, his mindset loopy as he started celebrating thinking he won, his face slowly dropping perfectly as the return of the Golf Kart gave him flashbacks of a past death of his in the Tag Street Fight on a previous Dynamite. Sammy was a little wiser and faster though, escaping into the seats out of the Kart’s reach, he slowly ended up being cornered by Matt and Kenny as the Bucks and Hangman watched below, Guevara fended off Matt, but was distracted by Vanguard-1′s reincarnation, NEO-1, for Kenny to daze him. The finish coming as Kenny One-Winged Angel’d Sammy off the ramp to a crash mat below at an incredible height, Aubrey needing to climb a ladder to count the win. Afterwards, the Elite celebrated with Matt and Hangman, hinting that Hangman has reconciled with the Elite as graphics appeared again on the stadium, closing out the PPV. Fantastically bonkers match, but once again this match had a great story in the terms of how the Inner Circle lost. For weeks, the IC ended consecutive Dynamites with the advantage due to their masterful use of the numbers game, but in the Stadium Stampede they are defeated because they split ranks, together they were strong but alone they were broken down, it’s only when the likes of Hager, Jericho and Guevara were isolated did the Inner Circle begin to lose the tide. There was also the recurring elements of the Icebox, Matt’s Broken character, Nick’s prior injury by the IC, Kenny bringing the broom and Hangman’s Cowboy Shit and strained relationship with Kenny and the Bucks, not to mention the many deaths and PTSD of Sammy Guevara. Say what you will about the Elite favouring spots, but you cannot deny that even in this Inner Circle feud, they have made stars out of Guevara and Hangman, it isn’t just self-indulgence. I will say though, I was surprised not to see FTR make a jump, we already had the IC and Elite have graphics on the Stadium so I hoped that the final one would be FTR, but maybe they’re saving it, after all, Blood and Guts is still waiting to be used.

Final Thoughts Outside of the matches itself it was unique that foley crowd sounds were added in to add to immersion, if it weren’t the Empty Arena era of course it would be a down but under the circumstances it made the PPV feel bigger having at least some white noise. The roster as a crowd continues to be good as we saw various personnel react but not steal any spotlight. We do have to appreciate that AEW acknowledges some shortcomings such as the TNT title’s unfinished model and the injuries to Fénix and Baker. Production issues should not have persisted as long as they have, and while it may not all be AEW’s fault due to COVID and the alternate streaming services they must be aware that this will continue to be treated as a blemish, unfortunately whatever AEW does will be compared to WWE - like the Women’s and TNT title have or the respective pushes to select wrestlers. While the current wrestlers are doing well and Dark is providing a platform for local talent - some like Jay, Suge D, Vance and Angels capturing the eye of AEW - it’s worth not forgetting the roster still there; Janela, Kiss, Swole, Avalon, Leva, and practically anyone in the crowd of shows should be able to compete right? All of personnel are tested for COVID so I do appreciate the attention to safety but from a fan’s perspective you do hope that talent get proper exposure. I will also say that I think we’re reaching a threshold of ‘Legends managers’ for the singles men’s roster, we’re fine for now but you don’t want to overdo it. But, overall Double or Nothing was a solid and enjoyable show, had some fun moments and strong matches. While I found the Archer finish and the Spears match disagreeable, it wasn’t too much of a down to ruin the show, the highs still outweighed the lows and there was still a good amount of variety, decent pacing due to good card positioning and nothing overstayed its welcome. We’ve got intriguing directions now too as we build to Fyter Fest; a feud between Moxley and Cage, Cody and the TNT title, fallout for Brodie and Archer’s losses, Best Friends in the tag title hunt, Britt Baker on promo and new champion Shida waiting for us in anticipation of the next show.

[ellus986]

Always knew you / chapter twenty

Joe Mazzello x reader

Warning: just fluff, and crying

Comment: Y/N is corrently 23, while Joe is 36.

Summary: you knew Joe all of your life, and as best friends you two always find the way back to each other.

You park your still full car in front of your new home. Your new home, unbelieveable. You had already happy tears in your eyes, even it was just 7 in the morning.

“Hey, Hey, hey! Why the tears?” Joe smooths some hair out of your face still sitting in the car.

“Happy tears!” You mumble, leaning into his cupping hand, closing your eyes.

“You are happy?” He mimics suprise, like this would never ever cross his mind.

“Ofcourse I am!” You nod, looking up at him. The morning sun makes his auburn hair look so ginger, you can’t even take it. “Fuck how I love when the sun playes with your hair, ginger boy!” You giggle.

“Ginger...” he looks confused. “Ooh that!?” He point at his hair.

“Yep, red as fuck!” You giggle. “So beautiful...” you mumble not even realising you said it out loud.

“Who will compliment me for the next week?” He wishpers and you can see in his hazel eyes he is already missing you.

“Your manager? I don’t know, but I do know that if we don’t start to pack out the boxes, I will be the one who gets them in tonight!” You slick his cheek.

“Defenetly not an option!”

“Then start to lift, because you going off tonight... Oh how much I hate you won’t be here when the stuffs are coming...”

“But you will have Ben! And forget to even help with even one box! You are not alowed!” He looks serious.

“Got it boss!” You salut.

“God, how much I hate I won’t be here on your birthday!” He looks mad at himself, at the situation.

“Oh Silly, don’t be! We will celebrate so much birthdays together, who cares this will be celebrated less then a week later... anyway I want nothing more than see my friends and finally tell them our biggest secret!” You giggle.

“So Ben won’t only speak about it to us!” He chuckles.

“Oh man, to us? He asks for my bump anytime we videochat! He does not care about us!” You can’t keep the laughter back as you get out of the car.

“Already a proud Godfather!” He mumbles as he follows you with the keys in his hand.

“That is for sure!”

_________________________________

You kiss Joe one last time. You hate this so much, you haven’t spend even a night without eachother in the last two months, and now he is about to fly away for a week. You knew it will be way more sometimes, so you should get used to it, but shit you hate it so much.

“I don’t want to go without you!” Joe holds your hand stronger.

“I don’t want to stay home without you, but...”

“We should get used to it... I know... but maybe I quit acting...”

“Don’t you dear! You are talented in so many ways, don’t waist it because of me!” You sniff.

“Oooh no, no tears again!” He hugs you one more time before he would go. “I really need to go, love you!” He kisses the top of your head.

“I love you too! I miss you already!” You mumble into his chest, before he pulls out of your arms and walks to the plan.

You sit down in the waiting room with tearful eyes as Ben was just about to arrive half an hour later as he is about to work in the U.S.A.. You just dry your eyes as Ben’s flight gets in, and you walk to the gate to look for him. As your eyes land on him, you can see him gazing on your belly. “Hi! My face is here!” You giggle.

“Hi!” He hugs you. “I’m sorry I just missed my godchild!” He mumbles into your ear.

“Not me, obviously!”

“I missed you too!” He kisses your cheek.

“But not that much, as your goddaughter!” You giggle.

“My what?” He looks at you in disbelief.

“Ooops...” you put your hands over your mouth. “We finded out last time on the ultasound!”

“A little princess?” He puts his hand on your bump.

“A little princess, but not in public!” You nod while hiting his hand away.

“Sorry, still not official?”

“As our friends are still in the dark, yes we are still waiting with the announcement!” You walk with him for his luggage. As you want to take his littlest bag he hits your hand.

“I was told not to let you lift anything!”

“Ooh com’ on!”

“No, I will keep my duty!” He looks at you as a parent, and you don’t like the changing stands. “So tell me, what should I expect, what war am I walking into?”

“World war II, but I think the bombing situation is better than Joe’s worst nightmares!” You speak half joking, half serious.

“Defenetly!” He nods as he puts his stuff in the car, and sits in. You sit in too and start the car.

________________________________

“Wake up, birthday girl!” You nictate at Ben, who is holding a cake in his hand. “Happy birthday!”

“Aaaaw thank you! You shouldn’t have to...”

“Just make a wish!” He sits on the side of your mattress, holding the cake infornt of you, taking a video as you blow the candles.

“I hope that is not for social media!” You giggle.

“No, it is for daddy, who made the plans for today with me!” He chuckles.

“Okay! First of all, that is the last time you called Joe daddy! This is freaky!” You point your finger at him and he pulls his shoulder. “Second of all what planes? Are you not working today?”

“Don’t be Silly!” He giggles. “Ofcourse I asked for a free day on your birthday! I’m Joe No.2, but nothing Nasty!”

“It was his idea?”

“Yes, what is the shock about it?”

“Honey, don’t you remember his jealous act when you suprised me at work, and don’t speak about when you were drunk on our wedding and I tried to save the situation with not letting you out with him, instead he gave me those eyes again, on our wedding! What is the difference now?” You get up from your mattress, and get the cake out of his hand, to put it in the the only steady thing in your house: the fridge.

“You won’t even eat from it?” He follows you between the boxes.

“If I start the day with that, you can’t move me out of the house all day!” You giggle. “It is not that simply Buddy now days!”

You eat some fruits and pack some snacks as Ben was all about going. He sit in the diver seat and your eyebrows are raising high. “What? I can drive on this side of the road too!”

You sit in, and let him drive what turned out to be a 20 minute road. He stops at a shelter. “What are we doing here?”

“What do you think?” He asks back with a Nasty grin on his face.

“You are kidding!” You shout as you see his face. “No we are not!” You shake your head as you start to get what is happening.

“Yes we are!” He grabs your hand and walks you in shelter.

“Hi! What can I help you?” Asks the lady in the reception.

“Hi! My friend have been in contact with you for a week now, about me and his wife would pick up a dog!” Starts Ben. “His name is Joe Mazzello!”

“Ooh, Yes I know!” She gets some papers in her hand. “By the way, happy birthday!”

“Thank you!” You mumble still suprised about the whole situation.

“We picked these dogs by your husband’s description of your life. You will meet all for of them, and see if you want any of them!” She walks you two to a hallway. “We want our dogs to be in a family that really fits them, that’s why we asked a bunch of questions before making the final list of dogs that would be great with your new family.” She is so nice, you start to smile, even you are still confused.

“You kidding me!” You wishper into Ben’s ear.

“No!” He chuckles.

The next hour went so quick and happy. You were playing with puppies, that weren’t about to get too big, but were big enough to enjoy the backjard you now have. All of them were little enough to grow up with your daughter, and none of them were just one breed, they were all mixed. You knew that was just for Joe, he always loved mixed dogs.

“You make the final decision, but as we saw T-rex had the most conection with you, so we would recommend you to take him!” Tells you the lady who were with you all time, as you walk back to the reception.

“Ofcourse the dinasour!” Chuckles Ben, and you giggle too.

“I feel like that too!” You nod with tears in your eyes.

“He already stole your heart, am I right?” Asks the lady, and you nod.

“First in our life!” Laughs Ben. “Sorry!” He continues as the lady looks at him confused.

“I never felt in love for the first time, since he knows me!” You try to make it clear. “I know my husband since I was born, and take years for us to fall in love, and I needed to go back for my wedding dress because I needed time even he said it is the one!” You giggle.

“Oh I got it, so this is the first love at first sight!” She smiles at you as she starts to full out the blank spaces in the paper. “So you take him?”

“Yes!” You shout too excited.

After everything was signed you sit in the car with your puppy in your lap. Your puppy, T-rex.

Just as you get in the house your phone start to ring. It’s a hard knock life for us

“Happy birthday!” Yells Joe as you pick up, as you turn on the camera your face is licked. “Oooh wooow, hi little one!”

“Thank you Silly! Meet T-rex your new son!” You giggle, peting him. “We just got home from the shelter!”

“Hi, Buddy!” Waves Ben as he gets on his knees next to you, to pet your dog.

“You are kidding me! His name is T-rex?” You see the shock on Joe’s face.

“You are like a magnet for dinasours!” Chuckles Ben.

“Sure I am!” Laughs your husband.

“I hope you have no more suprises for me today...” You mumble, playing with your hair. “I just want to hold you in my arms again!”

“Me too, Silly!”

“Look how many more boxes we got!” You get up and walk trhought the whole house. “It will never end!”

“It will, I will be home and put everything together before you realise!”

“I hope so, Mr. Muscle!” You giggle, turning the camera back.

“But the day is not over yet, and please not hate us!” He shots his eyes.

“What did you planed?”

“You will see, relax until you can!” He mumbles, before he hangs up on you. “I need to go, love you!”

“I love you too!” You say even you are aware he is not on the other end anymore.

You just realise that Ben disappeared, and is too quiet now. “Benjamin?!?!” You yell.

“What?” He yells back from... your room?

“What are you doing in our room?” You feel more afraid to step in than you would admit.

“Doing what dad... Joe planed!” He corects himself.

“What is that?” You ask, eyebrows in the sky.

“Your outfit!” He answers quick. “We are for lunch and later on to Broadway!“

“You kidding!” You mumble.

“I told you, I’m Joe No.2, just no touch!”

_________________________________

“Get up!” You hear Ben from behind.

“Why? I’m in work if you haven’t seen it!” You shake your head.

“They got home!” You can’t decide he is excited or scared, or both.

“And?” You look at him with disbelief in your eyes.

“You should greet them!” He says, but you can see he thinks otherwise.

“You are scared of him!” You shout, and he rushes his hands trough his blonde locks. “You are scared of him, Oh my God!” You chuckle.

“Just, please! He will be mad, you know that!” He is so upset by now, that he doesn’t realise that the door’s lock clicked, so even if you wanted to, you wouldn’t have time to get up.

“Hi, I got some... what the hell... Benjamin?!” Raises Joe’s voice at the end and Ben is looking at you with the face that speaks: I told you.

“Hi, guys!” You wave to the confused Lucy, Rami, and Gwilym.

“Hi, Honey!” Lucy waves back, as she looks at you between the million of futniture pieces. “What is going on?”

“Yeah, what is going on?” Asks your now not that sweet husband.

“Relax, Ben is the muscle, I’m just the tiny helping hand!” You look at him mad, you hate when he does this fucking show.

“Why did you let her?” He turns to Ben, like you are not even there.

“Benjamin, could you help me up?” You ask holding your hand up, as Joe’s yankees sweater still covered almost everything on you, while you were sitting on the floor.

“Ofcourse!” He rushes even you are two steps away, and you see three raising eyebrows.

“Thank you!” You stand up using the helping hand. You could’ve done it alone, but that wouldn’t make Joe roll his eyes, and would look way more akward. “I needed to do something while you were away!” You admit.

“What... the... bloody... hell...” you hear Gwilym mumbling still standing at the door. That was the moment you realised as the ziper wasn’t atached it just felt from your belly, revaling your round bump.

“Suprise?!” You giggle akwardly. “We wanted to tell you a little less dramatic, but we have a drama queen around here!” You poke Joe, as you walk next to him.

Lucy is the first to break out of the shock, and run to you to hug you. You two almost fall back to the floor, but don’t, only thank to Joe, who is holding the two of you in a kind of hug now. You feel more pressure just before Joe hardly moans. “Guys, I’m going to fall if everyone is putting the weight on me!”

Your friends are letting you go, just to rebalance and hug you again. “Ooh my God! You two are going to be parents!” Rami wishpers in disbelief.

“Yes!” You nod with a bright smile on your face. As everyone is letting go, and walks to the kitchen where you have more room, and chairs to offer, you continue. “So I needed to stop watching movies...”

“God, yes she needed!” Cuts in Ben. “When I got home after work two days ago I find her sobbing like someone died...turned out she just watched TV!”

“What did you watched?” Joe raises one eyebrow at you.

“Well, I started with radio flyer, then I watched high lonesome...” you giggle on the face he makes. “Hang on the best comes now, I watched the cure just before Ben arrived. Now I know why my mom didn’t let me watch it when I was a kid, it ripped my heart out!” You just realise you are speaking with your hands, God how much he is influencing you.

“You watched my movies?” His jaw is on the floor.

“Why are you so suprised? She made me watch Wolly boys when you accused her, and called me to help out!” Chuckles Lucy with her head falling back.

“You did?” He asks.

“Monkey! I missed you, and when I miss you I watch you!” You kiss him gently, and slow. “So don’t get mad at Ben, he tried to keep me away from doing it, but he couldn’t!”

“And it was better than watching movies with her! Top end wedding was just enough!” Ben burries his head in his hands.

“You watched it?” Looks Gwilym at you.

“She watched it? She lived it!” Mumbles Ben under his nose.

“Well I was mad seeing Gwil sad, and hurten!” You chuckle again. “And maybe I was yelling with my tv, but you have no proof!”

Gwil steps next to you and kisses the top of your head. “But you were happy with the end?”

“Yeah I had happy tears at the end!” You giggle huging him.

“So we needed something else to do, because if not I go crazy!” Ben chuckles.

“And we started with the living room, I waited for you with everything in Sam’s room!” You look at him with puppy eyes.

“Sam?” Comes from Rami.

“Samantha!” You smile at all of them.

“A girl...” mumbles Gwil. “You are having a girl and we just found out about her now?” Gwil looks at Joe.

“We wanted to be sure she sticks around...”

“And wanted to tell you in person!” You help out your husband.

“Why did Ben know before us?” Asks Gwil.

“Because I’m...” starts Ben, but you cut him off with a look of a mad mother.

“Benjamin! He figured it out just before we said I do! Even Joe wasn’t aware I’m pregnant but this gentleman just needed to find it out on his own!” You giggle, messing with Ben’s hair.

“And he is the Godfather as someone did not let him finish his sentence!” Speaks up Joe behind you, putting his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“Now I have I question: how we are going to celebrate your birthday?” Comes up Lucy with the reasonable question.

“We can put our home together, or we can go out, you can drink I can watch you, I’m pretty good at it by now!” You giggle.

To be continued...

My sweet perms:

@spacedustmazzello @simply-sams-things

Story tags:

@mrsmazzello

[justatiredghost]

Unsolved Academy Ch12

I know I said this fic was done but I guess I’ve got a couple bonus chapters for you all! I have some ideas for Klaus and Dave settling into homeownership and living alone together (and maybe their wedding? Maybe?) but I don’t know if it should be it’s own fic or just flavor in between their ghost hunting adventures. Thoughts?

-

They’d gotten a hammock after all and set it up by the window so they could curl up together on it and stare out at the busy street below. Most people wouldn’t really consider it much of a view but they could see the sky as well as people watch, so what more did they need? It was a bit precarious, getting them both situated on the hammock without tumbling out, but they’d finally figured it out and could do it with ease now. 

Today as they lounged in their favorite spot, Klaus couldn’t help but stare around at their apartment instead of out the window, properly taking it all in for the first time since they’d furnished it. Sure, it was small and cramped and everything was second hand and not in the best shape, but that didn’t matter. It was all theirs. 

They had the freedom to fill this space with whatever they wanted and they were having too much fun with it. Every piece of furniture and decoration had a story behind it and it all made him smile. They’d started a competition to see who could find the most terrible or ridiculous addition and at the moment Dave was winning with an old coffin-shaped coffee table, but Klaus had his eye on a set of second-hand landscape paintings someone had added silly-looking monsters to that might just win him the week. Ben came in as the final judge when there wasn’t a clear winner.

“We’re actually doing it,” Klaus said, his voice full of awe.

“What?” Dave said, mouth full of the last bite of toast he’d been munching on.

“I’m holding down a job, I’ve got a home that has nothing to do with the fam, I’ve got an absolutely gorgeous boyfriend,” Klaus added and Dave gave him a playful shove. “And I’ve been off the hard stuff for, what, a year? Maybe more?”

“Yeah,” Dave said. “I’m proud of you.”

“I never thought I’d live past my 20s, I guess I’m just kinda shocked that I ever managed to get my life even a little bit together.”

“Me too,” Dave said wistfully.

“You also didn’t think I’d ever get my life together?” Klaus said with a grin.

“What? No, no,” Dave laughed. “I’m a bit of a disaster too, you know, my life wasn’t exactly going anywhere even before the war. This all seemed pretty impossible. And I’d say we’ve done better than ‘a little bit.’ I mean, have you seen my boyfriend?” Dave wolfwhistled and Klaus laughed. 

“I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get used to this,” Klaus said. “I’m just gonna constantly stop and look around and realize how wild all of this is.”

“You deserve it,” Dave said, squeezing his kneeaffectionately. 

“Me? Never!” Klaus gasped, mock scandalized. 

“Too late, I already said it so it’s true.”

“Fine,” Klaus said with a laugh. “So long as you get over here and kiss me.”

“Yes, sir.” 

-

Making this place a home had been easy for Klaus. After all, wherever Dave was, felt like home, even when they’d been in hell fighting for their lives. There was still plenty they had to get used to, though. Their lives were changing, a layer of stress and urgency added onto their work now that they had rent and utilities among other things. Really, that urgency had always been there as they tried to just prove to themselves that they could support themselves, but now they had a bill attached to it.

Figuring out how to deal with that stress was a large part of adapting. And on top of that, Klaus had to deal with even more ghosts as they moved into a more active part of the city and he had had just about enough. 

The last few days he’d been getting more and more on edge, every last bit of patience drained from him as the ghosts got louder and louder, invading his privacy and interrupting at the worst possible moments. He finally snapped when a faceless man started screaming in the middle of his favorite show. He and Dave had been waiting all week for the new episode and he’d been looking forward to it and to have it ruined like this was just the last straw.

“Oh my god, that is fucking it!” he yelled as he jumped to his feet off the couch.

Apparently Dave either saw this coming or just knew him well enough not to be too alarmed because he just paused the show and waited for him to explain. Muttering under his breath about endless noise and annoying ghosts, he grabbed their camera and hit record, turning it on himself first.

“Today we have a very special episode brought to you by this fucking asshole,” Klais said, turning the camera in the direction on the faceless ghost who happened to be standing near Dave who pointed at himself in confused amusement. “No, not you, Dave. The ghost behind you. This dick has been doing nothing but screaming every time I sit down to enjoy some quiet time. What does he have against TV? And how does he even manage to scream without a face?”

He turned the camera back on himself. 

“So, we’re going to take a tour of our apartment here and I’m going to introduce you all to the assholes I have to live with. Since they usually follow people around I sure hope none of our neighbors are murderers.”

“I have my suspicions about that little old lady down the hall,” Dave chimed in. “She’s way too friendly.”

“Right,” Klaus exclaimed, pointing at Dave. “pkay, so, let’s do this. Time to put some ghosts on blast.”

He marched down the hall and into the bedroom where a woman was crouching in the corner, sobbing quietly.

“This ghost here never stops crying,” he said, exasperated. “It really is a buzzkill. We’ve all got problems, lady.” He turned the camera on himself again, hand shielding his mouth from view of the ghost like he was sharing a secret with the audience. “Honestly, some days I feel like joining her.”

He headed to the bathroom next, to where a ghost was screaming and pounding against the wall.

“And this ghost likes to start acting up the moment I’m trying to enjoy a nice bubble bath. Apparently I’m not allowed to get any down time around here, they always gotta be the center of attention. It’s a good thing I’ve never accidentally manifested this one, we’d probably have a hole in our wall.”

He walked into the hall again and stumbled backwards in surprise when a ghost phased through the wall and continued on into the kitchen.

“And then there’s this guy!” he exclaimed, gesturing. “He just wanders around, popping through walls at the worst times, but he never even acknowledges me which is unusual. Seriously, dude, what do you want?”

It went on like that for some time as he went over every ghost in the house. Dave already knew about them all, Klaus mentioned any time a new one showed up or one of the old ones finally disappeared. He said he didn’t want Klaus to go through this alone and encouraged him to, so at least he didn’t look upset when he finally clicked the camera off with a heavy sigh, feeling slightly better. Instead, Dave was watching him fondly and came over to pull him into a hug big enough that he lifted him up off the ground, causing them both to laugh. 

“Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but what was that for?” Klaus said as he caught his balance once Dave put him down again.

“What? Can’t I hug my boyfriend?” Dave said, putting his arm around Klaus’ shoulders, pulling him into a playful headlock, although it was one he was easily able to slip out of and repay the favor, ruffling Dave’s hair in the process.

“No, no, your boyfriend very much approves, it just kinda came out of nowhere is all.” Maybe they said the word ‘boyfriend’ a little too often but they were still enjoying the reality of being a couple so much that they liked reminding each other. Dave in particular always seems to beam at the endearment so of course Klaus couldn’t stop. 

“Then I obviously don’t do this nearly enough,” Dave said, grinning as he took Klaus’ hand, swinging it back and forth, smiling at him and just looking so damn proud Klaus didn’t know what to do. “Although I am really happy that you’re doing so great.”

“What?” Klaus said, a little confused. “I don’t know if I’ll even upload that let alone make it an episode, I just wanted to let off a little steam. Was it really that good?”

“No, no, I mean, yeah, it was good but that’s not what I meant. I know how much the ghosts scare you and it sucks that you have to see them at all, but it just seems good that you’re finding ways to face them. And get back at them, that’s always good too.”

“It is better than being drunk in a gutter,” Klaus joked. 

“Maybe you should start posting pictures like this on our social media. Instead of pet shaming, ghost shaming?

“What, like, post a picture of the corner of the room with just a sign that says ‘I have to scream and wake everyone up at 5am every day,’ things like that?”

“Exactly.”

“Could be fun,” Klaus said thoughtfully. “But I’m all fired up now, let’s get out of here and do something fun tonight.”

“I’m game!” Dave said immediately, looking excited. 

[handmaidensofnaboo]

“Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan... Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute.”

❦

Queen's Shadow had a somewhat impossible task for me as a handmaiden “super fan,” a potentially “tough critic,” so I commend E.K. Johnston for willingly providing me with an early copy to share my thoughts on it with you all... I was nervous about how Queen's Shadow would turn out to be honest, but EKJ was up to the task...

I'll preface this review by saying Handmaidens were my first real community engagement in fandom. My older sister and I joined the Royal Handmaiden Society on TheForce.Net boards back around 2001 when I was about 14. The RHS was the reason I went to my first convention (Celebration II) and although the group isn't as present online as it once was (please follow @royalhandmaidensociety​), I made life long friends and it forever shaped and changed me. It was an overwhelmingly positive fandom experience at a very impressionable age and for that I'm forever thankful...  So for those of us who have such deep roots to this, who have, for the past 20 years, analyzed the handmaidens’ every micro expression, every costume, and have carved out our own understanding of them (from what little information that would could find), this book might be a bit "complicated " to process.

 At least it was for me.

With the announcement of Queen's Shadow, I was of course initially ecstatic, validated even, that they/we were being seen and heard, finally!! Yet mixed feelings slowly sunk in too. Despite us RHSers long lamenting the lack of content—handmaidens unjustly being overlooked in both Star Wars official media and for a long time in mainstream fandom—it also became this amazing small community space for each of us to freely imagine and play in. It’s been a kind of safe haven I've come to greatly appreciate. With a book featuring them... That could all potentially change. This fandom could change. I found myself wondering a few weeks ago, "Will I even like these girls? Will I love these new versions of Eiraté, Rabé, Sabé...” Something I've previously never had to consider. My fictional friends were about to be exposed on a larger than ever level, and reshaped, officially, forever. I was worried.



I knew I had to go into this book open minded, no way could EKJ take each one of our different headcanons and fantasies and appease us all in one ultimate text—but to my surprise, there were certainly select striking scenes, moments, I had while reading, where (for me) she did accomplish just that.  

After both the prologue and the first chapter in particular (which were centered around my favorite Handmaidens, from TPM), I had to put the book down for a while because I was so overwhelmed in the best kind of way. It truly was so close to capturing what I have wanted all these years that I just wanted to bask in it. Maybe that sounds silly but even simply one chapter filled with handmaidens, is an overwhelming amount of content for us to receive, let alone an ENTIRE book. This little fandom is just so used to excavating for scraps. I reread the beginning of the book again the next day, out of pure enjoyment, before I continued on.



The unbelievable news, the great news... Something I can't believe even is real... Is that Queen's Shadow starts with handmaidens and ends with handmaidens, and there are handmaidens in… NEARLY? Every. Single. Chapter. I really never thought I'd never see the day. I’m stunned. Yes, they are different then I imagine them, but I'm happy to see them, I still like them, just the same. And Padmé, who has also been sorely ignored, unappreciated, and underutilized within general Star Wars media/merchandise, is also finally getting the spotlight she deeply deserves.

❦

Queen's Shadow is woven like an intricate tapestry threading together Padmé's stories throughout the entire prequel trilogy (especially the first two films), and highlights some of my favorite stylistic and thematic choices within them. Similar to the prequels (especially TPM) it reminded me of a period drama, with it's more formal dialogue, richly detailed costumes, ceremonies and politics, and admittedly a more contemplative pace than the swashbuckling fairy tales of the OT (but still engaging in it's own way). Also like the prequels, you get that occasional ominous foreboding, that sense of pieces being moved behind the curtains by shadowy figures, of unclear motivations by supposed "allies," of tragic destinies being spun—but still find yourself swept away by moments of hope and idealism, despite it all.  There is a particularly heartbreaking yet beautiful finale moment of this book with her that was so fitting to George Lucas' vision of Star Wars, it was, as he once said, "like poetry—it rhymes." Anytime something can capture that Lucas approach to storytelling, I am thankful to be reminded of why I loved Star Wars in the first place. (Especially in the Disney era years when I've felt a bit "post break up" about the franchise, to be honest.)

Queen's Shadow is foremost about Padmé's work, shifting and hardening herself into her new role as senator. It does justice to the themes and qualities that originally enchanted and inspired me about her: fulfilling her duty to her people, her compassion for vulnerable communities, and fighting for what's right—through language, through political and inner power, strategy, and unexpected partnerships. And as always, Padmé is luminous. 

There is one cause in particular she is advocating for that is notably poignant in its connections to TPM. I was incredibly pleased it was there, relieved even. It was so important and needed for her character. It enriches the choices she makes in the later films. And it is just one of a number of political themes in the book that are timeless and ever relevant, but wasn't inserted into the story in a heavy-handed way. I love that the main audience for this book (young girls), will get these meaty concepts presented to them through our beloved political heroine and the diversely talented women supporting her.  While we do see the various skills and character moments of Padmé and her handmaidens, I admit (and this is just my first read impressions) they all still did feel somewhat at a distance for me. I personally would've liked to have dug deeper into their personalities. I'm not sure how to properly articulate it, but I just felt a bit left "wanting more"—for more walls to come down, to have gotten further into their inner thoughts... But I think it's partly the challenge of the large number of characters, the book’s YA length, and a personal preference of writing style. Which, in EKJ’s defense, does compliment these particular characters, who have long had these kind of untouchable, unknowable presences, these masks over them (and she does address that). I think as I reread it, my feelings on may improve as I retain all the subtleties better. But if they remain elusive, that gives us room to fill it out with our own head canons, which is something many of us all ~clearly~ enjoy! It is part of their appeal, part of why we first loved them after all. 
It's also important to note the impressive attention to various Star Wars lore that is entwined throughout Queen's Shadow, from remnant gems of "Legends" handmaiden lore (and even RHS in jokes), to architectural details found in Battlefront II, to various appearances by Clone Wars characters... And many more I’m sure I’ve missed. Yet thankfully I can't recall any of it is done in a way that comes off as showy, elitist, or hard to follow (if for example, you're like me and admittedly haven't watched hardly any of the Clone Wars).  Additionally, here and there, there were some scenes or lines that didn't quite hit the mark for me personally, one minor set of changes from "Legends" handmaiden ages irked me a bit (we had so little to cling to ok! lol), frustration at already established lore (such as Panaka and Clovis, which EKJ can’t help), and other things that were simply just creative choices of the author (which of course happens for me with almost every Star Wars spin-off). 



Regarding the last point, that was the only other occurrence where I put the book willingly down, this time because I needed to get some space—to process something I decidedly didn't like. It was about midway through the book regarding a particular minor storyline. I don't want to spoil, but I will say it involved a new character that, for me, was taking up too much room in a book that already had plenty of amazing characters I wanted to spend more time with. I just felt he wasn’t exactly needed, or that others easily could've substituted his place and it would've been more meaningful to the lore.  These critiques are relatively minor however, and most of them are easy to move beyond, especially when I consider the bigger picture, and the majority of scenes, quotable lines, and pivotal interactions in Queen's Shadow that do seamlessly work. Those more than make up for the handful of things I struggled with.

 Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan. For this I'm deeply thankful, because it's easy to imagine if it wasn't—How poorly or sloppily Padmé could've been mischaracterized or the possible omission and/or confusion regarding the handmaidens… The latter of which BOTH the revered Dave Filoni and Timothy Zahn are woefully guilty of, (full offense). It hits me sometimes how so much damage could've been done were this in less capable, less attentive hands, with an author that would've cared less. EKJ clearly cared a lot. Minor issues aside, that's really what mattered most to me, at the root of it. So I'm very glad.



The more open minded you go in, the more you will enjoy Queen's Shadow, and (I say this for myself, as much as for anyone else who can relate) we can still make space for and enjoy our old head canons alongside to the new lore, or even mesh them together... I admittedly struggled a few times, but I definitely enjoyed reading it overall, particularly all the scenes on Naboo (and another planet that will go unnamed for now)... 

If you love Padmé, the handmaidens, Naboo culture, prequel politics—this book is a must read. The more time that passes, and as I reflect back, the more I feel that Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute to Padmé and our handmaidens, let alone the prequel era itself. Queen's Shadow will be comfortably situated on my bookshelf beside our other established classics: Queen Amidala's Journal and Queen's Amulet, and I’m looking forward to revisiting it again when the audiobook comes out (holy heck we're finally gonna hear almost all the handmaiden names pronounced??! Have we been saying them "correct" all these years?? Stay tuned lmao...) I'll probably be posting my spoiler thoughts on Queen's Shadow after the book's release on March 5, 2019. Pre-orders are available online, though I really recommend purchasing it at your local independent book store if you can, and/or requesting your local libraries get a copy! Please share your own pictures/thoughts/reviews on here, twitter, instagram etc. and tag it. We gotta encourage Disney to give us more, because this book definitively ends with an invitation for a sequel or spin off of some sort, and I, a bit desperately, want it!!  The more we can support Queen's Shadow with the language Disney knows best ($$ and exposure) the better chance of future Padmé and handmaiden content, and they deserve it!! All of it—books, comics, Disney+ streaming miniseries, video games—Give them the legacy Rogue Squadron got. It's their time.



Again, thank you so much E.K. Johnston for creating this beautiful book, and going out of your way to provide me a copy. I'll always treasure that moment when I got that surprise package in the mail, a book nearly 20 years in the waiting. I was 12 years old again, that snowy day on my porch.



Can't wait to read everyone's thoughts. MTFBWY. ✨✨✨

Thank you for reading,

@handmaidensofnaboo​

❦

♕ Pre Order Queen's Shadow 

♕ Purchase Queen’s Shadow at your local independent bookstore

♕ Follow author E.K. Johnston: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

♕ Follow cover artist Tara C. Philips: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

[crowdvscritic]

round up // FEBRUARY 20

On Wednesdays we wear pink, and in February, I stay inside and watch Turner Classic Movies because it’s too gosh-darn cold to do anything else. I watched almost as many movies as days in this month, largely thanks to TCM’s 31 Days of Oscar. A few things I learned:

As much as I enjoy a good TV binge, I enjoy the satisfaction of a movie's end more.

Thank goodness TCM shows good movies when the theatres seem barren of them.

If anyone says women’s complaints about their depiction in Hollywood are overblown, I’d challenge them to watch my month’s lineup. Most female characters were basically non-existent or defined as objects of desire no matter what decade the movies were from.

In February, I also watch the Academy Awards. Most of the movies here were nominated for Oscars, but I’m also recommending a few more pop culture picks (including TV, social media, a book, articles, and music) for the month.

February Crowd-Pleasers

The Imagineering Story (2019)

The Imagineering Story tells the story behind the creation of Disney theme parks, with the greatest highlight of showing you how attractions are designed. Is this shameless Disney marketing on the Disney+ streaming service? Yep, but it’s so well done that for a moment I forgot about their unsettling takeover of the entertainment industry and wanted to quit everything I was doing to go work for them.

This Knives Out Sequel Twitter Thread

The Internet can be a scary place, but this thread reminds us the fun things that can happen when tons of strangers come together. My recommendation was Knives Out: In 2 the Donut Hole, but that’s mostly because someone beat me to Knives Out 2: Adam Driver Is In It.

Classic Action Double Feature: The Magnificent Seven (1960) and The Dirty Dozen (1967)

Your girl loves star-studded team-ups, and it’s never better than when an action movie rounds up its squad of special skills. Also a Charles Bronson double feature! (Bonus: I recommend checking out the 2016 Magnificent Seven remake for a reevaluation of some of the elements that haven’t aged well in the original.)

Classic Comedy Double Feature: Moonstruck (1987) and Road to Morocco (1942)

Moonstruck is like My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets While You Were Sleeping, and Cher’s 1980s hair is a mood. (Arguably, so is Nicolas Cage’s chest hair.) Road to Morocco is like Airplane! meets Aladdin, and the silliness has hardly aged thanks to the talents of Bing Crosby and Bob Hope.

Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee

The science of joy? This non-fiction book is as fun a read as it should be! It’s not providing answers to deep questions of philosophy, but it’s about a philosophy that can bring life changes. I was amazed by stories of how bright colors, circular spaces, and Northern Lights can inspire joy no matter what your circumstances are. The only problem with this book is that you constantly want to Google every beautiful things she is describing—maybe we need a big coffee table book with photos as a second edition?

'90s Action Double Feature:Tremors (1990) and The Fugitive (1993)

You know a movie's good when you tense up even though you know what's coming. I'd caught bits and pieces of The Fugitive on TV, but this Harrison Ford/Tommy Lee Jones standoff still sucked me in when I watched it start-to-finish. Tremors is not a good movie—this is a movie so bad it’s great. If on some Friday night you need a big, dumb action movie with terrible dialogue, a monster created with dated special effects, and forgettable characters getting picked off one by one and coasts entirely on the charisma of Kevin Bacon and Reba McEntire (???), have I got the movie for you!

February Critic Picks

These Pieces on the Grammys Controversy

The New York Times and Variety wrote about why the firing of President/CEO Deborah Dugan and her subsequent lawsuit won’t be disappearing even though the Recording Academy is trying hard as heck to do that. As one too invested in how the arts are recognized and celebrated, I’m paying attention to what appears to be a scandal just waiting to be uncovered.

“Can the Grammys Be Trusted?” by Jon Caramanica (The New York Times)

“The Grammys May Be Over, but the Recording Academy Scandal Isn’t” by Jem Aswad (Variety)

Dark Passage (1947)

An exception to the trend of weak female roles in the films I watched this month. Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart re-team for their third film (of four) together in this romantic film noir. Bogart plays a wrongfully accused escaped convict, and Bacall is the woman who helps him keep his cover. The unconventional first-person camera angles at the beginning will catch your attention, but their chemistry will keep you invested till the end.

The Oscars

The 2020 Oscars ceremony was one of the most bonkers ceremonies in recent memory. Bonkers is preferable to boring, and I love any night celebrating movies, so I have very few complaints about an evening spent with friends eating movie-themed snacks. (Anyone care for an Adam Screw-Driver?) My favorite moments came thanks to Bong Joon Ho, especially his wins for Best Original Screenplay and Best Director.

The French Dispatch Trailer (2020)

A star-studded team-up about Midwestern journalists from the aesthetically-pleasing mind of Wes Anderson? Take my money!

Classic War Comedy Double Feature: Life Is Beautiful (1997) and Dr. Strangelove (1964)

They were both nominated for Best Picture, and they both find humor in the darkest of war. In Life Is Beautiful (La Vita è Bella), a father transforms a Nazi concentration camp into a game to save his son’s innocence. In Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, a bunch of incompetent leaders try to prevent nuclear war. Neither sounds funny, but they pull it off with delicate execution. (Bonus: Enjoy Robert Benigni winning an Oscar!)

The Slow Rush by Tame Impala

As my brother would say, this album slaps.

Leap Day Bonus

“What a Man Gotta Do” by the Jonas Brothers

My apologies to the Jo Bros for forgetting to include this in my January Round Up—this movie-inspired music video is a treat.

Also in February…

Yes, I love the Oscars, but considering how much viewership went down, it seems the Academy could do more to draw people in. One of my favorite film podcasts inspired me to brainstorm seven ways the Oscars could make the public care again in a piece for ZekeFilm.

The writers of ZekeFilm counted down our favorite films of 2019, most of which you can find on streaming now.

Kyla and I discussed a rock ‘n’ roll documentary and a camp classic on SO IT’S A SHOW? this month.

If you want to see the full list of movies I watched this month, you can find it on Letterboxd.

Photo credits: Grammys, Tame Impala. Joyful my own. All others IMDb.com.

[the-lightning-strikes-again]

The Second Law Chapter 10 Review Replies

Thanks to the following awesome people for reviewing last time: Longpig, Carol_Pau, UltraFirelily, Veronica, anything_past_or_present, EtherealPrince, Shorthairedme, hallowhead, mutedtempest, SpinningGround, GabsSherri, TiffanyBlue, that_emo_kid_in_the_corner, PetulantPanda, sophiebystarlight, garbage_dono, Nagisa94, Teehee, AfroditeOhki, NickyADon, Angela, Touched, DestiniesEntwined, Dasha, StarrBryte, VeronikaR, Lady Experiment, LordMortem, Miss_Lily, Discordia_s_Novelist, ahyeon, reyechan, KairaB, Amanda, Tsuyu Ryu, Little Sarafina, Pen, ukellyle, katicab, barbitone, Rosenthorne, KokoaKirkland, Ammaviel, COCO_HIMECHAN, ccdancer2003, Kaytoko, Blah, pinkychan, Cherryqueem, etienne18, lucyrne, analyticamethyst, EV_Oleander, Qwennie_simon, Hiccstridlover14, lehbarnes, notEriX, GrapeIcies, and Durolin. I appreciate your support and all of your kind words and questions, so much!

You can read individual review replies below! :)

Longpig: Actual Disney Princess Lotor ™. I just love the concept. Haha, I’m glad you do too!

Carol_Pau: Thank you for your kind review! I’m not usually one for romance movies myself, but Pride and Prejudice really stood out to me. I totally agree it’s fantastic! And ahhh, I’m so happy you enjoyed Lance’s tears, haha. feel like Lance would be the type of person who would cry during movies, because he’s just so open about his emotions, even when he tries not to be. As far as other ships, some might come into play. Zonerva (Zarkon/Honerva) will definitely affect the plot going forward. But that’s about the only ship that I can really guarantee at this point. I can guarantee that James Griffin will at least appear in TSL. Thanks again for reviewing!

UltraFirelily: Thank you for reviewing as always! I’m so glad you liked Disney Princess Lotor! He’s a precious bab, and I don’t think even Lance or Romelle can entirely deny that, haha. Thank you again for your kind words and support!

Veronica: Heya, thanks for letting me know about the name change, and for providing your ongoing support for this story! I am doing better now and trying to move past the events of last fall, although sometimes I still get down about it. I’m not letting it keep me down, though! I appreciate your kind words so much!

Anything_past_or_present: Ahh, TSL Lotor really does need all the cuddles he can get!  I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed the silliness of this latest chapter—I love to see the paladins and Lotor having fun, and it was such a blast to write it, haha. Thank you for reviewing and providing support as always! It means a lot!

EtherealPrince: Bless you for enjoying the platonic Lotor and Pidge shenanigans! I’ll admit when I started TSL, it was purely with Lotura goals in mind. Since then, I’ve really come to enjoy writing the paladin shenanigans and Lotor and Pidge’s friendship. In fact, I probably enjoy writing that as much as I do Lotura, haha. I’m so glad you enjoy it too! Thanks again for reviewing!

Shorthairedme: Thank you for your review and support! Introduce Lotor to the wonders of cake, you say? What kind of cake? Maybe ALL the cakes? He’s skin and bones, so I think he could afford the extra calories at this point, haha. XD Thanks for the idea!

Hallowhead: Thank you for reviewing! I appreciate your kind words and your support! Here’s to more Disney Princess Lotor in the future!

Mutedtempest: I think you’re wonderful too! Thank you so much for your support and kindness. It means so much to me! And I’m so glad to hear you’re still enjoying the story. I hope future chapters continue to provide you a good time! And yas, I do love me some good Lotor and animal bonding time too! I hope you’re doing well, and thanks again for your review!

SpinningGround: Oh, thank you so much for your well wishes. I am doing better and trying to move past the, uh, past, haha. TSL has been a good outlet for me. And ahh, that’s hilarious that you identify with Keith in this situation of having to watch romance movies! I’m very picky about them myself. I’ve been so amused that Lotor’s voice actor, AJ, said at a recent convention that romance movies would be Lotor’s favorite. Poor Keith might have to deal with more than just Pride and Prejudice, haha. Anyway, thank you again!

GabsSherri: Muito obrigado! ^_^

TIffanyBlue: Thank you for your kind words! Yes, it does seem that no matter the platform, social media has the problem of no moral or personal accountability for words spoken anonymously. I tried to be as understanding as possible despite how the tumblr posts/reviews escalated into something exceptionally violent and personal (and illegal), because I knew there were real human beings in that mess somewhere. I just hope no one else ever has to deal with that! The whole event still leaves me in a state of loss and awe, especially over a story that was going to end in slave!Allura taking down Zarkon’s empire and turning Lotor to her side? (I figured I could spoil it for you here, since you mentioned interest in it, and spoilers just don’t matter anymore, haha.) But regardless, I will not let the past year keep me from enjoying writing, or from interacting with you all. I very much appreciate your reviews and support through these chapters for TSL. It means so much to me!

That_emo_kid_in_the_corner: Thank you for your review! And you give very sound advice about media, haha. I appreciate your support! (And I’m so glad you like Disney Princess Lotor haha.)

PetulantPanda: Oh, the space dust was everywhere for me as well! Thank you as always for your reviews!

Sophiebystarlight: Thank you for your kind review! Your note made my week great. I hope you’re having a great week as well!

Garbage_dono: Ahhh, thank you so much for your review and your well wishes. I am slowly getting to a better place, haha.  And I hope you enjoy where I take Honerva’s character in TSL. She was my favorite thing to come out of s8, and I want to do right by her. She’s a very fascinating big bad and just in general a really intriguing character. Thanks again for your support!

Nagisa94: Congrats on the new AO3 account! I’m happy to see you’re still around in the fandom as well! Things are getting better now and hopefully will stay that way now that VLD is complete. I would absolutely LOVE for Lotor to adopt Pidge? Or for Pidge to adopt Lotor? Either way, haha. And I think as far as Romelle goes, VLD did her character a bit of an injustice by not having her grow or evolve in any way, for as important as she was to the s6 plot. Even though she’s still a bit of a background character in TSL, I hope to show evolution in her character along with the other. Thanks so much for reviewing, as always! I really appreciate it.

Teehee: Bwahaha, I hope you eventually got around to reading the chapter and enjoying it. Bless you for your scream of excitement. And thank you for your kind words as well. <3

AfroditeOhki: LOL, bless you for your bullets of things you enjoyed about this chapter! I’m so glad you like the Lotor and Pidge dynamics. I enjoy writing their friendship as much as I do writing Lotura even, haha. You mentioned batter fights and shampoo wars and animal magnet Lotor, and all I can say is YES PLEASE. Thank you for your review!

NickyADon: Thank you for your review, as always! I’m so happy you thought I captured Keith and Lance’s bickering correctly, haha. I love them both and how they needle each other in so many ways. Regarding s8, I ended up laughing with a few people that I predicted the most unlikely things of all via the dead and decayed Lotors in chapter 1, haha. I hope you managed to survive the season okay. Thanks again for your ongoing support! It means so much!

Ángela: Oh, wow. Thank you so much for your well-wishes, and your kind note about dropping TSL if it would make me feel better. I’ll admit, I have days where it’s really hard for me interact with VLD content or think about writing Allura. I had a lot of chats with some professionals about the harassment experience and whether I handled the accusations correctly. I think in the end, I feel good about how I responded with taking down the story in question, as a sign of good faith that I’m not trying to hurt or trigger anyone. I just wish they would have seen the story in its full to understand it had a nuanced plot ultimately moving toward an empowered Allura and eye-opened Lotor. But, oh well. Thank you again for caring about my well-being, even at the expense of possibly losing a story! In good news, I don’t imagine I’ll be deleting TSL anytime soon! Lotor is definitely a trooper in this story for putting up with all that he does, haha. And yes, I fully believe Lance could cry in front of the other paladins, and they’d understand! I really enjoy the deep bonds of friendship that the paladins have together. Thank you again for your ongoing support and reviews!

Touched: Bless you for your kind words! Your review put a smile on my face and gave me a helpful sense of peace. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your support!

DestiniesEntwined: Bwahaha, bless you for being an Allura nagging Lotor over the tea. It’s appreciated, and I thank you. And ahh, no one’s ever compared me to Hunk before, but I got a huge smile from that. I adore Hunk and take that as a serious compliment. Thanks so much!

Dash: Thanks for reviewing! And no worries about the question, haha. As it turns out, I do have a few drabbles of Lotor watching other movies with the paladins, which you can find here on tumblr. At present, I have one where he watches The Mummy, and another with Indiana Jones. I’m not certain when I’ll continue this miniseries further, but I do very much appreciate your interest in it and any requests you might have for a movie or show!

StarrBryte: Thank you for your review! I’m so glad you’re still enjoying the story!

VeronikaR: Hello! In good news, I haven’t stopped writing yet, haha. And I hope to keep writing for a long time still. Thank you so much for your review and support! I really appreciate it.

Lady_Experiment: *reserves spot to reply later* >8D (If you did end up reading ch 10 by now, I hope you enjoyed it, bwahaha.)

LordMortem: Ah, your review made me feel blessed! Thank you so much for your kind words.

Miss_Lily: Thank you for keeping up the hope that I would someday update, haha. Apologies that chapter 11 has been slow coming as well. But it’ll be here soon! I’m so happy you enjoy cinnamon roll Lotor (with a dark past haha). I really have fun writing his character within the parameters of the clone!theory. And Romelle—I’m still kinda working to understand her character since she became such a minor or even forgotten character in s7 and s8 haha. I hope to do her justice here as well. Thanks again for your review!

Discordia_s_Novelist: Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad you enjoyed this latest chapter, and I really appreciate your support!

Ahyeon: I’m glad you enjoyed the update! And yeah, people are questionable sometimes, haha. But I’m doing better now! Thanks again for your kind note.

Reyechan: Bwahaha, have I taken a spot on your mind couch? That’s fantastic! I love fluff as much as I love angst and action and everything else, so I had a lot of fun with the last chapter and am so happy to hear you enjoyed it too. And thanks for your support in regards to criticism of work. Your words mean a lot to me!

KairaB: I very much appreciate your sweet review and your support! I’m so glad you enjoyed the Lotura flirting and brownie batter scene—those parts made me giggle to write, because I was having fun too, haha. And ahh, if Lotor ever sees that picture from Pidge, I’m sure his heart would have a skipping moment. XD Regarding S8, I did see it and had been waiting for more information about Honerva before I wrote her further. So you’ll definitely see s8 elements as we  move forward. Thank you for the warm welcome back to the fandom!

Amanda: Haha, no need to apologize for real life! I completely understand how things get busy. But thank you so much for returning to read and review as always! I’m coming to understand the importance of taking care of myself, and a part of that was realizing how much creative writing means to me, and how I shouldn’t let anyone take that away from me. I might still need to take breaks at times, but for now, I’m steaming forward with TSL and AR. I’m so happy you loved this latest chapter! I hope you continue to enjoy future updates, and thanks again for your ongoing support!

Tsuyu Ryu: Thank you for your interest in my story! I know Lotor’s canon arc was not quite what a lot of people hoped to see, and I struggled with it as well due to the plot holes behind the whole instigator for his death and his subsequent, unexplained s8 redemption as a good-ish guy by Allura who hated him? Haha. I hope to provide him a little more consistency in TSL at least, and I hope to continue making Romelle a likeable character in some way. Thank you again for your review and your support!

Little_Sarafina: Bless you for leaving a review, when I know just how easy it is to remain a silent reader only, haha. (Guilty as charged in many fandoms.) Thank you so much for your kind words about this story. I really appreciate it!

Pen: Oh, wow, thank you for your high praise! I feel humbled by that and am so glad you enjoyed the chapter. I appreciate your kind words and support!

Ukellyle: Thank you for the compliment on TSL Lotor! I try really hard to keep him within the realm of his canon character, even though his circumstances in TSL are vastly different. It’s a struggle, so I’m happy you like him! Thank you for the review!

Katicab: You binged all these chapters in two days? Well bless your heart for your dedication, haha. Thank you for your kind words! There’s so much expanse within Lotor’s character—I have a lot of fun exploring what he would do in any given situation. I do try to keep him from being OOC, though, and sometimes that’s hard with hurt/comfort haha. I’m glad you enjoy this! Thank you again for your review!

Barbitone: Thanks for your reviews! Sorry I ripped your heart out at one point, haha. Lotor does that to me as well. XD

Rosenthorne: Hello, and thank you for reading and reviewing. Wow, you read it all at one time—that’s impressive considering how much I ramble while writing. XD I appreciate your kind words and hope you like where the plot goes with Honerva’s appearance in chapter 11!

KokoaKirkland: Thank you for your review!

Ammaviel: Ahh, I hope you have survived! Thanks so much for your review!

COCO_HIMECHAN: Thank you so much for both your high praise in your AO3 review and in your message here on Tumblr! Apologies I’ve not gotten to the tumblr message yet—I’ve been sequestered working on chapters, haha. My hope is to catch up on my tumblr inbox after I update. Please know your kind words mean so much to me, and thank you for your support!

Ccdancer2003: Ahh don’t cry! *Offers a tissue and a blankie and some chocolate.* Lotor melts my heart a little too, haha. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Kaytoko: Thank you for your review and for your compliments on how I write the paladins! I really enjoy Hunk as a character and want to do right by him, haha. He’s such a precious cinnamon roll! I appreciate your support!

Blah: Yooooooo. XD Hey, thanks for reviewing, even if you thought the story was sad, haha.

Pinkychan: Thank you for reviewing! Haha, I’m so glad you liked that brownie batter and chocolate virginity scene. I feel like the paladins would definitely have these kinds of inside jokes and teasing all the time. XD I’m hoping the paladins can introduce Lotor to other Earth things—so if you have any requests there, let me know. Thanks again!

Cherryqueem: Ah, yes, s8 was definitely a heavy-hitting season. I’m so happy you found what you were looking for in my story. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Etienne18: Bless you for continuing to participate in the fandom even after s8, and ahhh it means so much that you’ve chosen to re-read my story! Slow burn Lotura is definitely a favorite of mine. I’m glad you enjoy it too! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Lucyrne: Oh, thank you so much for your high praise on Allura and Lance’s characterization! I really do love Allura, and I think the canon series didn’t give her a chance to actively reflect on the avalanche that was s6. I think it would have been natural for her to have conflicted feelings for Lotor, even in knowing what he had done. I think in a better world, Allura would have understood the political implications of killing an emperor in secret—and would have wanted a guilty!Lotor to pay for his crimes the right and open way, through a court trial before the universe. That’s the Allura I was trying to channel in chapter 1, and I’m so glad you enjoyed her conflict and her ultimate decision! And for as much as a lot of people rag on Lance, I really like that boy. I think he’s precious for a lot of reasons, haha. XD Regarding Lotor, I really try to portray stories of abuse in a serious manner, because I know so often it’s not treated that way, and in doing so hurts people. I’m glad you found my portrayal satisfactory! And for real, thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews as you read through the story up to this point. I really appreciate it!

Analyticamethyst: Bless you for binging this story, omg haha. For as much as I love Lotura, I equally adore platonic bonding between Lotor and other characters and am so glad you enjoy that too. The dude needs positive friendships desperately, haha. Thank you so much for your review!

EV_Oleander: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoy future chapters as well!

Qwennie_simon: Thank you for your compliments and for your support! :)

Hiccstridlover14: Oh, wow, that is a high compliment. The Lotura archive contains many great stories, so it means a lot to me that you would place this one so high on your list. Thank you so much for reading and for your support!

Lehbarnes: Oh, thank you for reading both Second Law and Adrenaline Rush! I’m so happy to hear that you enjoy these stories, and I really appreciate you reviewing. Thank you!!

NotEriX: Oh my goodness, bless your heart for binging this in one go and staying up super late into the night to read, at the expense of valuable sleep. I do hope you managed to get some sleep after that! And I really appreciate your high compliments in regards to my emotion/humor cadence. It’s harder in some situations than others, but I try not to let one be completely unchecked by the other. I find that real life is a curious balance of both, and often at the same time, haha. Anyway, thank you again for your kind review and support!

GrapeIcies: Thank you for reviewing! And yeah, the canon show could never seem to decide whether Lotor’s ultimate ethos was a sly, genocidal maniac or actually just a good person stuck in an impossible Trolley Problem. I agree that the result was a sticky mess from which I could see no consistent atonement/justice (if he were truly guilty) or genuine redemption of his character (if he were truly innocent/an ultimately good antagonist or antihero). Through TSL, I hope to offer a deeper exploration into and progressive evolution of Lotor’s character. TSL might not always have Lotor getting therapy and lots of hugs, but I can guarantee that I will do my best to show his full range. Thank you again for your review!

Durolin: Oh wow, thank you for your very kind words! Your review put a smile on my face and inspired me to trudge through a bout of writer’s block. I really appreciate your review and support!

[bergens-adventure-tours]

First Impressions

Europe is simply beautiful.  The colours of the quaint little streets that are filled with so much history in every detail; A uniqueness that can never be replicated.

My first impression of Hildesheim has definitely been filled with pure excitement and awe by the new surroundings; and while this still continues today as I wander the streets to get groceries, to visit Doug in the older part of the city, to going to the shops on the other side of town (which is only 2.5km away), I’ve been able to observe and progressively understand this new way of living.  

The town The town itself is seriously amazing.  As I’ve mentioned in my first post and on social media, I’m living in a small city called Hildesheim, located in Lower Saxony (Northern Germany).  My apartment is in one of the newer parts of town, but it still has that quaint and colourful vibe.  My place is only a 5-10minute walk from school, which has been an amazing change from the 50+min. drive I have to take to BCIT every day.  Everything here is so close! You’re at most a 25-30min walk from wherever you need to be.  So I think it’s fair to say that these past 3 weeks have already collectively made up for the lack of movement during my 3 years at BCIT…

There’s so many cute cafés and restaurants and shops which have been really fun to check out.  Definitely already found some favourites, which I’ll talk about in future posts!

One of my favourite walks has been to Doug’s house. The street he lives on is one of the two streets that survived the bombs during World War II, so he is currently living in a house that was built in 1511.  There’s cobbled stone streets everywhere (some which are more fun than others for biking down…), slanted houses, old brick and woodwork, so many unique doors, and beautiful garden spaces all around the buildings.  There’s lakes and forest paths all around the outskirts.  Everywhere I go feels like a new discovery, even when it’s the same street I walk down every day.

The people Honestly, my first impression of the people has been nothing but positive.  Everyone has been so kind, welcoming, and super helpful; and although English isn’t as common as I was told, they still try as much as possible to accommodate, no matter what their level of English is. They’re also very modest, in the way that every time I’ve asked “Sprechen sie Englische?” (do you speak English), about 80% have said a little bit, 15% have confidently said yes, while the other 5% don’t speak it at all – But as soon as that 80% begin to speak, they quite often have more than decent English, and are able to help with almost no problems of communication between the two of us!

Transportation It’s a whole new way of getting around for me which I’ve come to really enjoy.  You never feel like you’re in a rush to get anywhere (except when you’re running late for a train…).  Everyone walks or bikes around town for everything, and what would seem like forever of a walk for back home, seems silly to want to drive to here (even if it’s the EXACT same distance).  It’s made me think a lot about how I live daily back home and how much I’ve convinced myself I need to rely on a vehicle for simple things… I may be bringing home some new habits…

Walking and biking are definitely the most common.  I’ve yet to take the bus around town, because honestly, often it’s faster to just walk.

The train system between cities is also really great! (but make sure you translate the messages on the boards RIGHT AWAY… or else you’ll probably miss your train… because their station was switched…something I’ll definitely tell you all about another time, along with information I’ve gathered about the train systems here!).

Shopping Okay, specifically grocery shopping has been a huge switch for me.  There’s no such thing as buying in bulk, owning a freezer that ISN’T a tiny box in your fridge is unheard of, a separate floor to ceiling closet we like to call a pantry to store food? Nope. Not a thing either. Space is much more limited in most European homes, meaning groceries you purchase are only meant for that week (maybe even only that day…). So when you show up to the grocery store purchasing more than one loaf of bread because you’re going to keep some in the freezer for later on top of all your fruits and veggies, you can guarantee you’re going to be holding up the line. Oh yeah, and the cashiers are LIGHTNING fast when they scan through your items! You bag your own things, so keeping up is near impossible, and by the time you’ve bagged half your things and paid, the things the person behind you is purchasing is now mixed in with yours… it’s like a game you have to master.

Which is another thing, EVERYONE carries their own bags for groceries, which I think is absolutely wonderful! Definitely inconvenient at times when you’re already out but didn’t pack an extra bag with you. But I love it because it trains you to always be mindful of your bag usage while eliminating the need for plastic grocery bags.  It’s something we try to encourage back home, but here it feels more enforced.

The prices are also deceiving…being in euros, you think you’re spending only $20 on groceries but you’re actually spending $31.  I still haven’t quite figured out if the prices are cheaper, comparable, or more expensive as a whole, but I think for the most part things are relatively comparable in price – you’re definitely not finding big bags of anything to last you a month though...

Shopping as a vegan though…I’ve been in dreamland.  I know back home there’s many vegan options of things in the grocery store, but when moving to a smaller town in a different country, I definitely wasn’t sure what to expect… and when I went shopping the first time, it was definitely overwhelming and I felt like I was going to have to survive off just quinoa and sautéed veggies. But let me tell you!! I’ve found so many great vegan alternatives and really tasty snacks (later on I’ll do a post about “travelling as a vegan,” but on the topic of shopping and first impressions, I felt this was important to include), but I can happily say that I’m not living off a stereotypical University student diet of instant noodles, bread, cereal, pizza and peanut butter (except for the bread… bread consumption may have increased…).

A few other surprises:

The weather? If you thought Vancouver weather was strange: visit Hildesheim… within a single day we experienced (in this order): blue skies, down pouring rain with wind storms, sunny with fluffy clouds, intense winds with sun, intense winds with rain, black clouds, white clouds, spitting rain, sun, down pouring rain, cloudy, AND THEN SNOW!  It’s changing constantly, and you’re a fool to not prepare for all for seasons when walking out the door. (Climate change is real guys).

Paying for water! Okay, I was already pre-warned about this one, but it still blows my mind. I’m going to leave it with this meme my boyfriend found which perfectly sums it all up. 

Pedestrians do NOT have right of way. Don’t worry, I didn’t learn this the hard way – but it’s definitely something I’ve noticed when it comes to crossing streets, cars will NOT stop for you at a cross walk, so crossing smaller streets that are filled with cars parked half way on the side walk, you need to always be extra careful when looking around the corners.

 Sundays are for hiding at home. When our friends said everything is closed on Sundays, they mean EVERYTHING is closed on Sundays. So when you’re out of food on a Sunday because you forgot to shop on Saturday, you MIGHT be lucky to find a coffee shop on the other side of town who closes on Mondays instead.

It’s been only 3 weeks since I arrived in Germany, but I already have this feeling of being at home.  It’s a strange feeling to explain, and I don’t quite know whether it’s the town, being here with my boyfriend, or having been excited about moving out for the first time – but everything just feels strangely (and wonderfully) familiar and comfortable. I don’t have a single bad thing to say about it, and every day just makes me more and more excited to be here. I can’t wait to share my adventures with you all.

Until next time…

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

03/20/2019