#but they didnt take this grand/baby grand piano

[mcfaucet]

love as long as you can

[presleyluvschris]

Join The Dream

alive!luke patterson x girlbestfriend!reader

a/n: not requested, back after 4 months!

desc luke didnt know you could sing after years of being your best friend

wc - 1.8k

warnings slight cursing, fluff, grammar, not proof read

the door krept open as you got home from school, tossing your grey messy laced converse off of your ankles and sludging your backpack off one of your shoulders and onto the floor.

it was 4:09 pm, you had nothing to do besides an english paper. but that could be done later.

you walk across the kitchen to sit on top of the counter, your nike women's dry-fit socks dangling as you thought about something, anything to do.

reggie and alex were out making flyers for their upcoming band gig on friday, while your best friend luke was probably somewhere in your guest house messing with your dads old music equipment and speakers you had gotten out of some dusty boxes for him a few weeks ago.

what was there to do?

you make a raspberry with your lips.

laundry...done. homework..ish, done. rooms clean...dad didn't get home until 10...

you stare at your mom's piano in the crevice of a large indent in a wall as you hear the air conditioner buzz softly.

the house was dead silent. no one was home.

for some reason, your hands begin to shake and your throat closes up staring at the white keys and grand black figure just sitting feet away, almost feeling like an old friend waiting for you to come back to it again.

after years.

this was the longest you had ever beared to look at it before.

the blank truth was you had completely disregarded the thought of ever playing any musical instrument ever again after your mom had died of cancer four years ago.

especially the piano. especially singing.

it was all the things you and your mom had cherished with each other. everytime you tried to even look at it. all that could replay in the back of your mind was your five-year-old self playing and singing along to "i love you baby", with your mother and you giggling with her.

what was so wrong about it? that you couldn't have that same feeling anymore? you didn't know.

it just hurt. all of it did.

over the years you had become slightly jealous of luke, reggie, and alex for being able to enjoy music like it was a second nature. maybe thats because it used to be yours, too, and your love for music had been taken away. and you felt like you could never get it back.

luke never knew about your passion for music. neither did alex, or reggie. sure, luke had watched you play with your mom as a kid but he never knew that you had the same thriving passion of music that made you feel alive like he did also.

everytime he tried to get you to sing along to one of the songs he had wrote with reggie you just shrugged it off, letting them sing.

because when your mom died, music died too.

in fact, luke had never heard you sing before. not even in the car, the shower, nothing.

but would this be what your mother had wanted? never even singing on the radio just because of memories?

if you were honest, you hadn't been the same person when you gave up music. If you were even more honest, you felt a hole without it.

you decided to get off the counter and slowly creep over to just....look.

not play, of course, no.

just...looking.

just...sitting down at your mom's favorite stool..

just..looking at the keys..

just..feeling them..

breathing...

you flinch when you accidentally hit a note with your finger.

your heart immediately starts pumping and you feel your stomach sink.

technically, you did just...play.

so, technically, accidentally, you could just play another...

on purpose, this time, you press a note, taking in the sound of a piano again like it was something completely new.

again, maybe? just once.

you start to play a few chords, trying to dig back in your brain four years.

you remember of a song called "forever", written by you. when you were 14. a month before your mom passed.

after playing the chords a few times, it comes flooding back to you like a sudden tidal wave.

you start playing them in order, now, and start singing your lyrics.

tears fall down your cheeks and onto the keys as you play the whole song through, singing the chorus, the verse..

you lean back slightly, holding your hands to your chest with a sniffle.

you wipe your eyes, but then jump at the sudden touch of a hand on your shoulder.

you whip your head around, quickly backing away from the stool.

"what the hell!" you gasp, but then realize who it was.

it was luke standing in front of you, now. his expression completely shocked.

it was silent, the only sounds was you trying to catch your breath.

his mouth was practically on the floor.

"y/n l/n."

you swallow, "yeah."

"what the fu-"

you cut him off, and play dumb, "what? i was just-"

you turn your head slightly to look at the piano behind you and then back to him.

"i was just like, messing around, i dunno, it was like- something i came up with..like..uhm..."

"i-i have so many questions." he scoffs, "first, okay? why in the honey bunches of fuck did you never tell me you could...you could..sing like that?"

you take a breath to answer, but he keeps going.

"two." he puts his hands to the back of his head, "since when could you play the piano? what song was that? was it yours? your moms? is this why you've never sang before? why-"

"luke, it-its complicated. i-" you take a breath out and shake your head, "i wrote it when i was 14. secretly. kind of before my mom died."

"why didn't you tell me you could write music?" he almost sounds offended.

"i dont know-- at the time you hadn't even started your band with reggie and alex yet, and that was like..your thing, and i just couldn't handle doing music again!" tears filled the bottom of your eyes as you tried to explain.

he steps towards you, wrapping his strong arms around you, caressing the back of your head as he holds it so his chest, stroking it with his thumb gently.

"shhh, sh. you don't have to explain anymore." his voice is gentle and warm. "i get it. but, music isn't something i own, okay? i wish you would have told me earlier, and i dont know how i didnt notice this before."

a sob accidentally escapes into his chest, and luke feels his heart slowly sink into the floor. he was a tough guy, but he would always let his guard down for you.

he rubs your back in comforting circles, "its okay, yeah? this is a good thing. its a great thing."

he tucks your hair behind your ear, looking down at you as you look up at him with swollen eyes and a slightly runny nose, luke speaking to you in a low and comforting voice. "you are so beyond talented. You know what im thinking?"

you shake your head softly, with a small sniffle.

"you need to be our singer for the band." he looks at you and titls his head like he already knows what you're going to say. "n' before you say no, think about it. you could do it in honor of your mom? y/n, look at you. you have crazy chemistry with a song you haven't even tried playing in years. you could play your keyboard? its waiting for you in the guest house. It would be practically wasting this amazing gift you have. and i cant let you do that. you know it, too."

"luke-" you almost whimper from the thought of playing music...all of the time. not just when you had sudden courage, like..all the time.

"please." he begs, "you dont have to decide or anything right now...just..think about it?" he looks down at you with those same eyes. "for me?" he bites his lower lip with a small smile.

"fine." you barely say. he almost jumps from excitement and hisses in victory before putting his hands on your shoulders and looks at you in the eyes. "you wont regret it."

"luke, what if-" you stop. "what if i fail? like, im not as good as i used to be? i havent even tried writing songs again-"

"from what i heard today? the like, one minute of you just...singing, and playing, was-- like, crazy good and thats more than what regs and alex and i could ever even dream of." he smiles, his dimples peaking out like a deer in headlights, "it would be totally awesome if you could join our band. Like an honor."

as you look at him speak you bite your lips nervously, and let out a shaky "okay."

he towers over you, taking a step closer and looking in both of your eyes, you could feel his warm breath dripping down your neck.

there was a silence as you look into both of his eyes back, smiling back slightly

"there's that smile."

he leans in slightly, you breathing out, and then looking down as your tone becomes quieter.

"we shouldn't do this." you whisper.

he makes you look at him by putting his finger under your chin.

"we definitely shouldn't do this." he breathes, trying not to smile.

"definitely." you say, him matching your expression.

"definitely." his breath catches in the air.

your lips meet his as he gently backs you into a wall, picking your legs up and holding them with his palms up like a feather.

you feel his warm lips lock against yours over and over.

"y/n," he takes a breath out, finally pulling away making a small click sound from your lips seperating.

"yeah?" you gasp for air.

"i love you." he chokes on his words, "i know its soon. i know. you dont have to say it back." he swallows. "i just thought you should know. n' like - its totally cool if-"

"i love you too, luke."

his eyes meet yours again, this time his eyebrows slightly furrowed, "for real?" a smile quickly creeps up on his face.

you gently nod your head as he kisses your lips again once more.

"i-i dont know its like- when i saw you playing, and- it was just-" he pauses, laughing and shaking his head.

"you're so talented. so real. like, down to it, real."

he looks at you with his soft eyes, kissing your forehead.

"your hole's filled now, y/n."

your eyes widen in surpise, "how did you--"

he rolls his eyes and tuts, "cm'on, seriously? i know you better than you know you."

a little smile appears on your face. it really was him all along. he knew after you played again you got the spark in your eyes back that you had when you met him and you were now the same girl he fell in love with all over again since he was ten.

he runs his thumb over your jaw. "that spark, right here?" he puts his hand off your chin and presses a fist gently to your rib. "right there."

"you're back."

you giggle softly, "im back."

divider creds to @benkeibear my nav ★

[caterpillarinacave]

love the moodboard, may you share a snippet of him in the fic pls? I also want to ask you if you think they celebrated his birthdays or given that Kit is dead they didnt, I know some fmailiesthat after losing a child they stopped celebrating many stuff for a while

Yes, of course! So glad you like it, I don’t think people care much for my post TLH stuff haha. I have a couple different fic WIPs at different ages, so let me know if you want more specifics, so I offer you a few; Here is a random character depiction paragraph, then one during an institute Christmas parties, and one from several years earlier when Alexander first met the Fairchild kids.

As for the birthday thing; see the end of the post.

=======

Across the room, on the bench of a grand piano, was Alexander Lightwood. He was a very lovely young boy, with bright blue eyes and a mop of straight raven black hair. He had his fathers nose, and his mothers laugh, the beginnings of a smile constantly playing around his lips, like he had just heard a joke no one else could.

====

 Peter and Alexander had taken up a space beside the fire, Peter on the rug, flipping through a book of music, and Alexander dozing happily on the couch. 

“Enjoy the party?”

Tessa stood behind the couch, looking at her nephews affectionately.

“I believe so?” Peter said, glancing back and forth between Tessa, and Alexander who was just stirring awake “I found it non-distressing.”

“I suppose that's all one can ask for” Tessa replied, looking amused, putting a gentle hand on Alexander’s shoulder, who was just coming to wakefulness. “What did you think, Lex-”

Her sentence was interrupted by a distant yelp, followed by the resounding crash of Will Herondale falling, likely from the ladder beside the christmas tree. 

 Tessa sighed heavily, looking deeply resigned. 

 “I wonder what he's done this time. ”

“Oh, we hid a glass duck on top of the tree.” Peter replied nonchalantly. “I wager Uncle Will has found it.”

 “Well, don’t tell her that!” Zachary, who had appeared with a handful of chocolate covered nuts, and a plate of sugared orange slices, plopped himself down beside Peter. “Or it'll be no fun when Will finds the one I asked Lucie to leave on his bed.”

    Tessa hid a bemused smile behind her hand, and turned away to go assist her husband.

 “Does Alexander ever plan to wake up?” Zachary asked Peter through a mouthful of chocolate almonds as he poked Alexander in the foot, “Come on Lightwood, you’ll miss all the fun!”

“Huh? Ah,” Alexander, still blinking himself awake, took in the scene amicably, unbothered by his sudden awakening. “I take it Will discovered one of the Christmas ducks?” 

“That he has.” Zachary said, offering Alexander a handful of chocolate covered peanuts, which he took “The one at the top of the christmas tree, to be exact. It was quite a success.” 

“I should hope it was,” Peter added earnestly, reaching over Zachary to pluck a few peanuts from Alexander, “Cruel as the activity is, that little duck was such a bugger to get up there, what a shame it would be if that were for nothing.”

“You have a good heart, Pete,” Alexander said fondly as he stretched out his long arms in a way rather reminiscent of Church the cat after a nap in a sunbeam, “But Uncle Will’s innate urge to climb onto unsuitable things simply begs to be exploited.”

========

 Alexander was smitten with the babies since they were born. Specifically, he was smitten with Peter.  Alexander had felt rather peevish the night the Fairchild kids were born, left waiting at his home (as a toddler was not fit to be in a delivery room) under the care of his soon to be sister-in-law Ari.   She had entertained him much of the evening before, though Alexander found very little joy in her activites, instead chosing to pout about the lack of his parents.

Eventually, however, he did doze off, and spent an "uneventful" next day being enterained by Ari; until his sister showed up to take him off to the Fairchild manor and meet his newest cousin.

He met Marigold and Thelma first, then was beckoned up onto the couch next to his father, who much to Alexander's surprise was holding another bundle. He pointed out that they said there would be two girl cousins, and Alexander had already met them. Where did this baby come from?  “There are two girls, Alexander,” Gabriel had said gently,  “But this is Peter. He’s your cousin too.”

In Gabriel’s arms Peter yawned, then sneezed, then opened his little eyes, hazel gaze meeting vivid blue for the first time ever.  “Where did you find him?” Alexander asked, leaning over the baby. “We didn't find him Alexander” Gabriel chuckled softly, “He’s Marigold and Thelma’s brother. We thought there would be two, but your aunt Charlotte had three. It seems you do get a boy cousin."

Without really thinking Alexander stuck out his hand to the baby offering him his pointer finger. After a pause Peter reached up a little hand, and wrapped a tiny fist around Alexander’s finger. “Papa,” Alexander whispered, delighted and enamored in the way only a toddler could be, “Papa, I love him.”  “I’m glad.” Gabriel put a hand on his son's back, his voice very hoarse, “I’m very glad, Alex.”  For a few minutes they sat there quietly, Alexander staring in wonder, and Gabriel blinking back heavy ,bittersweet tears. After some time Gabriel handed Peter back to Henry, excusing himself, and ducked into the hallway, followed quickly by his wife.

=========================

In terms of birthday's I think they do. The Lightwoods dont go as all out for birthdays as, say, the Herondales do, but there is the normal cake, presents, fun outting to the city or what have you.

Although, I do think Gabriel is the one who is involved in most of it. Cecily is a little more withdrawn around special occasions like that, and Gabriel tends to want to be closer to his kids on such days.

Also Alexander is not about to pass up on a day were he is practically owed cake. He's getting that red velvet whenever he can.

[emonaculate]

AOT Freshman v Senior Year headcanons (Eren, Armin, and Mikasa)

❥ AU: Highschool!AU

❥ Genre: Fluff

❥ Rating: Everyone can read

❥ Pairing: hinted at Eren x reader

❥ Warnings Include: Profanity, mentions of violence, manipulation, mention of weed, and slight angst

❥ Author Note: I'm making this an entire series for the main cast or my favorite characters from AOT

Eren Yeager

Freshman year

Extremely fucking loud for no reason

Runs to class and somehow always manages to be late

Tries to pay attention in class but due to his ADHD would always spaces tf out

Despite being loud, only talks to Mikasa and Armin

Smells like nothing but AXE body spray, its not even a bad smell, its just too much

That kid that takes P.E. TOO fucking serious

"Eren you know why you're in trouble right?"

"No."

"...You hit your classmate in the face with a ball."

"He could have dodged."

"Eren it was a basketball, you broke his nose and chipped his tooth."

"He shouldn't have gotten so close to me."

Im sorry but totally dresses like this

Constantly compared to his older brother.

"Yeager... Are you by any chance related to Zeke Yeager?"

"No way, your brother is THE Zeke Yeager?"

Makes a name for himself rather quickly

Listens to heavy rock/metal music

He loves My Chemical Romance and Three Day Grace.

Learned how to play the guitar just so he could play "Teenagers"

Forced Mikasa and Armin to also listen to the bands

They ended up all deciding on making a small little garage band; Miki on vocals and drums, Min on bass, and Eren as lead vocalist and electric guitar.

His style changed randomly but no one questioned it since his personality remained the same.

Senior year

180 personality

Completely mellowed tf out

Either he is in class on time or not showing up at all

Senioritis is strong within him

Works better when he is completely out of it

STONER

This mf always high as shit

Either you love him, hate him, or respect him there is no inbetween

MANBUN

Smart as hell but usually on the low

His music taste has changed a little

LOVES POLITICAL RAP

J.cole and Kendrick stan; it is not up for debate

His favorite songs are Neighbors by J.Cole and Alright by Kendrick

Listens to throwback RnB when high

Still godly at the guitar

Has a couple stick and poke tattoos; He has one behind his ear matching Min and Miki.

He has the sun, Armin has the ocean waves, Mikasa has the moon

PIERCINGS

A total of 8; 4 in his left and 2 in his right + the industrial

Has a tongue piercing

A two slices in his eyebrow but only got them as a dare

Most of them minus the industrial piercing was done at home because he has an abnormally high pain tolerance.

Dresses like this

Doesnt really play sports but is super good at soccer and basketball

He's actually good at most sports just refuses to join because why would he want to support a corrupted system??

Still more of a loner but has a rather nice friend group

Looks mean asf but is actually really nice

Goes the hardest for his friends

You fuck with them = you getting your shit rocked by him

100% the friend that hits you for forgetting to eat

Despite being hot as shit; never really has a girlfriend

Its only because hes oblivious or just not interested

Deathly scary when hes pissed

If you guys got beef; there is no talking

Its on sight bro

Be prepared to get beat the fuck up

A few things that makes him go from 0 to 100 is racism, mocking disabled people, and domestic violence

He's an activist

If you need help organizing a protest; he'll help and somehow manage to get people to come.

Basically a really good guy just hot headed as hell

Armin Arlert

Freshman Year

The kid who looked up those lame videos on how to survive highschool.

Panicked when it came to speaking in class

Stuttered like hell

AP CLASSES

He's way too advanced like could graduate early but refuses to so he can stay with his friends

Super sweet but extremely naive

People definitely took advantage of him.

"Hey Armin, my dog got in a car accident so I wasnt really focused in class, can you give me the homework answers?"

"Yeah sure its no problem."

Sends them a whole ass powerpoint on the entire lesson and teaches them better than the actual teacher.

Band nerd

Can play the Piano, Bass, and Trumpet

Listens to Mother Mother and Queen religiously

Only joined Eren's garage band after he agreed to watch Bohemian Rhapsody

Dresses like this

Moved in with Ren and Miki after he went through some shit with his family; he came out as bisexual after realizing he was attracted to one of his classmates.

Sometimes worries that Eren gets uncomfortable but relaxes after he remembers who Eren really is.

Wouldn't trade his friends for the world

Senior Year

His glow up took awhile because he didnt really feel the need to change

He was always rather cute; just shy and timid

VALEDICTORIAN

Slightly because he manipulated his runner up into become a burnout gifted kid lmao

Everyone has his Snapchat and Instagram so they can get help

Now he knows when people are using him and he still lets them; the only difference is you fuck with him and he can make you end up repeating the same grade.

Lets people copy his test and at the last minute pauses and erases all his answers before putting the correct ones.

No one has realized his plan.

His fashion sense changed a lot

Subconsciously tries to match Eren all the time

The only person that noticed was Mikasa; she thinks its cute

Is in love with Russian foreign exchange student, Annie.

He talks to her from time to time before gathering enough courage to ask her out

Doesnt realize how popular he is.

Oftentimes volunteers at the aquarium to study the ocean life as well as help out.

Helps plenty of organizations clean up the ocean.

A total of four piercings and the tattoo that matches his friends.

Two in his ears and nipple piercings.

It was a dare he sobbed through

Mikasa Ackerman

Freshman year

Basketcase

Follows Eren and Armin around

Super quiet

Doesn't really have much of a personality

She is cute though

Dresses like this

Like I said no real personality at all

Well except she was the girl who thought she was in a romance novel

Especially when Eren would get into a fight.

"Eren look at me... This isnt you."

"Mikasa move."

Most times it wouldnt work.

It was just cringy man...

Can play the violin, flute, piano, and cello

Only learned the drums so she could play with Eren and Armin

A secret pop stan

Loves Ariana Grande and Doja Cat

Thank god she manages to grow out of that yucky phase.

Senior Year

GOTH GF

Track, Gymnast, and female basketball player

She mellowed out as well and became her own person

Still heavily in love with Eren

Confessed to him during a karaoke session to the song Baby I by Ariana Grande; he didnt realize.

Sang her heart out and was a blushing mess but still got no where

Has deep down accepted that she may never be more than just his friend

Is okay with it and NOT toxic when he's crushing on someone else

Just wants him to be happy

Saw how he looked at some girl during a fundraiser to raise money for animal shelters and realized that he may never look at her like that.

Turned a guy down because Armin had a crush on him

The ultimate wing girl

Introduced Eren to her opponent after a track meet after realizing it was the girl from the fundraiser.

Dresses like this

Super sweet despite her look

However pick on her friends and you're fucked

CAN and WILL whoop your ass

The only person who can get Eren to not fight.

Pissed them both off at the same time and you're screwed

Has a total of three piercings

Her ears and nose

Loves her boys more than anything

Stays with Eren while her parents travel to help with natural disasters

Noticed that Armin's ideal type is Eren but never mentioned it because she knows Armin would overract

Very observant

Just wants the best for her friends even if she is the one who ends up happy

Eventually falls for the guy that asked her out junior year.

Still close to her boys because they come before anyone.

[tagsecretsanta]

From Vegetacide

to Emma on Facebook

As always, secret santa doesn’t own this, full credit to the author above!

The Night before Christmas - TaG Style

Virgil leaned back against a storm felled palm tree and strummed his fingers across an acoustic guitar, lazily working his way through various cords and stringing together little random ditties as the fire snapped and hissed away merrily in front of him. 

Just a little warm up and something to do with his hands while he waited for Scott to make his way back down to the beach. The light played off the fine blonde wood of the guitar, warmed the smooth contours and reflected back off the mother of pearl inlaid fingerboards and chrome frets on the expertly crafted neck.  

This was one of Scott’s pride and joys and it didn’t see the light of day often.  Usually tuck away in its satin line case in his room but for nights like tonight. Special nights where the family came together to celebrate one of the only holidays that they could together.   

Yes, the world at large was still going around and there would always be some disaster or another for them to get involved with.  For tonight though this family ritual was one that they were determined to do everything within their power to make happen. To enjoy and participate in. They deserved it for all they did for everyone else.  One night out of the year to be a family without the pressures of the legacy their father had left with them.  

Besides, the GDF could pick up the slack for a change. 

Now if the rest of his family, mainly Scott who had up and puffed to deal with a call that apparently needed to be dealt with now… on Christmas Eve..could unplug themselves and get their butts back down here so they could actually start the relaxing part of the evening. 

A soft chuckle beside him drew Virgil’s attention away from his frustrations and he turned to look down at the crown of rich, ebony hair resting against his arm.  

“What?”  He asked, nudging Kayo with his elbow.

She turned her face,  the glow of the burning wood dancing around in her smiling expression. “You.”  She answered simply and leaned up to place a kiss on the tip of his nose.  

“Me?” 

“Yes, you.”  She turned back to the blaze and resumed her nestled position at his side. Her head tipped on his broad shoulders and one hand draped over his raised knee,  fingers idle playing with the sand between his thighs.

Virgil humphed and she chuckled again giving his leg a squeeze. “It just drives me nuts sometimes.  Like seriously, it’s one night a year.”

“Patience, hun.  Everyone is on the island and before you know it, you will be sipping hot chocolate and choking down Grandma’s burnt offerings.”

Virgil just grunted in response and continued to sturm away. Idly playing a tune that he had composed just for Kayo the year previously, though he had to make adjustments as the piece had been intended for his  baby grand Bösendorfer up on the second floor of the villa.

They sat companionably, enjoying the crackle of the dried wood and breathing in the heady scent of burning pine and eucalyptus boughs that had been brought in from the mainland for just this occasion.  An indulgence and an expense that they took great care in every year. 

Virgil would fly out in Two with an empty pod when time allowed between call outs and fill it up with a couple cords of wood from a local arborist they were familiar with.   

Ted Mccaffrey was on old family acquaintance  who had helped selectively clear sections of the island where the villa and facilities now stood. 

He was a stout, old codger but he knew his stuff and he was always delighted to help the boys out each year with their little family tradition.  Stockpiling the wood over the course of twelve months just for them to use where he would otherwise have just tossed it on in the chipper for the local farmers to purchase for livestock bedding.  

The Tracy’s; ever the generous lot,  always offered to pay him handsomely for the trouble but the old coot refused every year.  Always waving the offered bill fold of money away and saying in his gruff way that the wood was a small price to pay for all the good they did the world. 

And every year Virgil would come home,  Two full of the piny sweet scent of mint and camphor and the local news would report about some charity or organization having received an ample donation of funds from an anonymous source.

The act of offering the money had turned into a sort of annual tradition in itself.   Virgil knew that Mr Mccaffrey would refuse the money just like Mr Mccaffrey knew that Virgil would offer it.   Some years,  the old, grey haired man would even recommend a place or two that required a bit of a financial boost but the exchange of offering and refusal always took place. 

“You should play more often.” Kayo comment softly interrupting his train of thought and the cadence of it made Virgil wonder if she was drifting off to sleep.  “I like listening to you.” 

He huffed out a snort and shook his head even though she couldn’t see it.  “I barely get enough time at my piano as it is. Besides, there are other things on the island I would rather pour my focus into.”  

He buried his nose into the crown of her hair, breathed in her rich scent and let it infuse his being with jasmine before brushing her with a kiss.  He could hear the sleepy smile in her voice as she sighed and snuggled in closer to him.  

“Love you too.” She whispered. 

“Yuck, get a room.”  Came a petulant remark from the dark followed by a cultured, femine laugh. 

“Gordon Tracy, be nice.”  Lady Penelope Crighton-Ward admonished as the pair stepped into the circle of light cast by the fire, her hand tucked into the crook of Gordon’s elbow.   

Gordon smile was wide, bright and teasing “I can’t help myself.  The way these two are if I don’t say anything we are liable to get front row seats to one heck of a show.”

“Oh, hush now.”  Her head shaking Penny picked her way around the fire and took a seat on a plaid picnic blanket.  “You act as if you weren’t just doing the same thing by the tide pool.”

Virgil could see Gordon’s face going red despite the limited lighting and he laughed. “Little Brother,  you will never learn.”   

“Learn what?” Came another comment as Alan materialized out of nowhere which resulted in making Gordon nearly jump out of his skin.   

“Oh, nothing,  Just Gordon being..well, Gordon.”  Virgil answered with a shrug. 

“So brain dead?  Gotcha.”  Alan dodged the swatting hand aimed at the back of his head sending popcorn flying. 

Gordon snagged the bowl before too much more of the salty snack could be lost and skipped out of the reach of the youngest Tracy with a laugh.   Jogging around to the other side of the fire and flopping himself down beside Penny,  sand flying everywhere in his exuberance.

Penny tutted at the display and bushed sand from her pressed slacks.   “Really, Gordon..” 

Gordon handed the bowl to her by way of apology and she plucked up a few fluffy kernels and dimuraly popped them between her kiss reddened lips. 

“Where’s the space case and our fearless leader?”  Alan asked, taking up his own seat by the fire and pulling a bag of M&M’s out of his pocket.  The rustling of which roused Kayo from her snooze with eager eyes tracking the sound.  

Virgil nodded his head towards the house. “Call to the board, should be down in a minute.  The Bagel is…” 

“Right here.”  John said and ruffled Alan’s hair is passing before stealing an M&M.  “Venus just set and I didnt want to miss it. It’s so clear tonight.” 

“Can take the astro-nut out of the space station..”  Alan mumbled as he waved away John’s thieving fingers.   

And so they gathered, one by one taking up seats around the roaring blaze and laughing at stupid things, chatting and reminising about old times and new.  Pausing occasionally lost in thought,  gazes distant at somber moments of remembrance.  

Eventually Scott managed to join them followed by Grandma and Brains bearing mugs, a large thermos and snacks.  He took up his guitar as the elder patriarch passed out cups brimming with  hot chocolate and they all grew quiet, the sparking of sap and the lull of the ocean waves filling the void.  Quiet, content and together.  

One spot was left vacant and as they all sat in quiet repose, their eyes would glance over only to skitter away.  A stump of a tree that had been relegated for only one person, sat baren of its occupant.  Too strong was the emotion to linger on it for long, the wound of it still too fresh even after all this time. 

Shaking his head, Virgil turned from his own introspection and pulled his gaze back to those that were here.  His brothers,  Grandmother, friends and Kayo at his side, he really should be looking at all they still had not what they lacked.  

Kayo put a supportive hand on his arm and gave him a squeeze.  She always could read him like a book and she knew exactly where his mind had just come back from. 

Virgil cleared his throat instantly drawing the attention of all the others gathered.  

On the spot now he grew nervous but the admiration and love that beamed out of Kayo’s  supportive face edged him on and with a signal to his brother, he straightened his spine. 

The first few cords his brother played where soft. The sweet tone of the expertly played strings balanced and sustained as Scott’s fingers moved along the struts. Building an intro for Virgil with the dulcet presence of each plucked note.

 Gathering his breath, Virgil wet his lips and right on cue started to sing, the notes complimenting the guitar. Slow and melodious at first and as the lyrical complexity grew with each line so to did his strength and pitch. Climbing and reaching higher until a brother joined in and then another.  All of them adding their own unique voice and harmonizing with each other as the song unfolded.   

It was a song their mother had loved to hear. One that Virgil had leaned at the tender age of nine as a Christmas present to her and one that he had asked his brothers to help with. Another tradition born and every year, on this very night they sang it.  Virgil’s voice leading the way, crescendoing and interweaving with the voices of his siblings.  

Their combined voices had changed much over the years, deepening and maturing but the magic they created was still there non the less.  Grandma would shed a tear at the apex of it like she did every time and by the end of it as the last note faded away into the stillness, a relief would settle over them all.   

Like a pressure valve had been released, the emotional strain that had been building up would ease off and dissipate with a few captured moments.  A homage to the mother they had lost so long ago which now acted to commemorate another as well.  A gift from five orphans that was all that they were able to give. 

Quiet descended and encompassed the gathered group. In the not so far distance, waves washed up the shore line. The fire snapped and popped and somewhere on the island a night creature called out, a lonely sound.   Between one breath and the next,  the sorrow of loose suddenly lifted, Alan sneezed, John groaned and Gordon laughed and the two eldest siblings grinned while their Grandmother dabbed at her eyes.  

Pushing up to his feet,   Virgil walked the short distance over to his Grandmother,  leant over and with the strong arms earned with hard work and dedication to his family wrapped her in a hug.   “Merry Christmas, Grandma.”  

She smiled up at him,  tears wavering in the blue gaze that had experienced too much sorrow for one lifetime but she hid it well behind the usual steely determination and wiliness befitting her age.  “It sounds more beautiful every year.  Thank you, Virgil.”

She was thanking him for more than just the song, and the dewiness in her eyes and the tremble of her bottom lip spoke it loud and clear. 

 The lump in his throat prevented an answer so he hugged her a bit harder. His emotional quota for the night reached.  Any more and he was liable to get messy and that was something he would prefer to do behind closed doors.

A hand on his shoulder had him loosening up and he pulled away, only to be dragged into another hug. The distinct aftershave a give away to who it was.. And then there was another and another hug followed that.  Until the whole family had embraced ending with Kayo once more tucked into his side. 

“So we going to get this party started?”  He spoke up, eager to shift the mood on to lighter things.  

He looked down at Kayo’s beautiful face as she slipped an arm around his waist and his world brightened just a tad bit more.  

“Ya, at this rate it will be the new year and we will have to pack all this stuff away again.”  She commented flicking a glance towards the house and everything Gordon had spent the last week setting up.   “Would be a real shame to let it all go to waste.”

“Hey, not my fault Scott is as slow as a snail on land.”  Gordon piped up and popcorn went sailing as he tossed a handful at his big brother.   “I was ready hours ago.” 

“Okay, okay”  Scott groused and flicked a kernel out of his hair. “I get it, I get it. Blame the Board of Directors, they wouldn’t let me off the comms before the American Market came back up online.”

Virgil reached over Kayo, signalled Gordon for the popcorn bowl and grabbed a handful.  Turning to Scott he took aim and fired. 

He laughed at the scowl on Scott’s face but he knew there was no heat behind it as his brother fought back a smile of his own and tossed some popcorn back.  

Sally tutted from her spot and sipped her hot chocolate, shaking her head at the antics of her boys.  “Now boys..” She admonished in a bored tone. “Don’t waste the food.”  

And so started the food fight… popcorn went flying, marshmallows pinged off heads,  M&M’s got lost down shirts which lead to an interesting game of hide and seek. Laughter filled the beach and merriment abound as hands tickled and people fought for breathe.  

Panting and wiping tears from their eyes they flopped back down on the ground in a heap of limbs and a sea of food.  It was going to be fun cleaning up the beach in the morning that was for sure.  

 “Oh,”  Gordon jumped up and they all turned,  curiosity evident on their faces. Rooting around in his pocket, he pulled out a small remote and waved it at the others.  “I almost forgot the best part.”

Holding the little controller up,  he pointed it towards the villa and grinned like a loon. “Okay, I’ve been working hard on this so I need some fanfare.. A drum roll..a countdown. Something.”

He bobbed about on his feet like he was about to rocket off into space in his excitement. Well pleased with himself and wanted his family to join in on the energy that was vibrating out of him.

“Gordon…” An audible sigh came from Scott but the look of eagerness on the squid’s face made him cave.  “Fine… on the count of five.”

Alan started beating out a fast rat-a-tat on his lap,   Gordon burst into a really bad rendition of Joy to the World and the others counted down each taking a number in turn. 

“5…” John, looking a bit displeased with the whole excessively loud affair, parked himself in the safety of his Grandmother’s shadow.  Hoping that if anything else went flying he would be safe from any potential fallout. 

“4…” Gordon, pausing his ear splitting caterwauling long enough to bellow out his favoured numeral.

Alan covered his ears and bumped Gordon with his hip, nearly sending the aquanaut head first into the sand.  “3..” 

“2..” Virgil grinned at the lot of them and laughed as Scott dropped his face into his hand  

“God, give me strength..”  Scott bemoaned.  “1..”

The villa erupted into a crazy assortment of brightly coloured lights and inflatable paraphernalia from a massive twelve foot Santa to a three foot Frosty. There was even a mini yellow Stingray floating in the pool being ridden by an elf in iR blues

The palm trees were decked out from top to bottom all around the pool deck,  red and green flood lights, shining up at their towering fronds through the foliage of large, variegated dieffenbachia and the spikey strands of yuccas that dotted the well tended gardens.   

The pool deck itself was bracketed on all sides with twinkling white sprigs of lights that sprung up artfully from the flower beds.

Dangling, plastic icicles flashed in an array of RGB colours all along the roof line and balcony in a merry dance from one end to the other.

And in the center of it all, showcased behind the thick, shatterproof glass of the villa,  adorned and trimmed to within an inch of its life,  the family Christmas tree.   Gifts piled around its base and all topped off with bright, golden star. 

“Wow…” Someone whispered through the hush that had fallen over them all. A sentiment shared heartily by them all. 

“Last one in the lagoon gets to put this all away after New Years.”  Gordon shouted, dashing off into the darkness.  His snowman printed hawaiian shirt fluttering to the ground in his wake. 

“Heck no!”  Came a squeal from Alan as he raced up to his feet and tripping, dashed off after his sibling. “I am so not getting screwed with clean up again.” 

John stuck out a foot sending the young Astronaut face first into the sand as he got up with much more grace and civility before walking off after Gordon as if he his baby brother wasn’t spitting out a mouthful of beach.  

Scott just sighed and pushed up to his feet, kicking off his shoes as he looked over at Virgil through the fire light. “You coming, V? Or is it your turn this year.”

Virgil gave Kayo a squeeze and pulled his shirt over his head, not bothering with the buttons.  “Technically I think its mine turn, but..”  He grinned and approached his older brother.

Scott eyed Virgil suspiciously,  the bear had a certain look on his face that he didn’t altogether trust.  “Oh, don’t you dare.”  He warned,  hands coming up to ward off the family tank.  “I’m your older brother and I command you.. Don’t even think it..” 

Virgil just chuckled before bracing and launching himself at Scott, sending the pair of them crashing to the ground. 

“Boys”  Came the rather bored tone from their Grandmother as the scramble to get back to their feet ensued and like a bunch of giggling children they tore off into the night. 

Kayo just laughed and leaning over gave the older woman a hug.   “Merry Christmas, Grandma. “

“Merry Christmas, Tanusha. Go keep those boys out of trouble will you.  My tired old, bones can’t keep up with them.”

“Oh, I’m sure you could.” Kayo winked and motioning to Penny to join her as she headed off towards the laughter and splashes coming from down the beach. 

Grandma sat contentedly, a smile on her face, a warm drink in her hand and listened to the chaos.  Five brothers; so different and yet so alike in so many ways.  An adopted sister; accepted, loved and most likely soon to be added to the family in a different way and friends. One, a genus with a heart of gold and the other a British aristocrat with a fierce loyalty to a family that had welcomed her with open arms.   

Gathered together to celebrate family and togetherness for one solitary night under the big expanse of star filled sky on an island all their own.

                    *

                  /. \

                /.' .'.\

     "'""""/ '.' '.'. \""'"'"

            ^^^[_]^^^

The End.  

   Christmas Quote

Scott: Twas the night before Christmas

Alan: And Gordon was devouring celery tarts

Virgil: All his brothers’ were gasping..

Gordon: Because of my farts.

Scott: ((facepalm)) Why do I bother…?

[nightmare-circus]

Gotta make a bigger impression than being a murder accomplice | Deacon

In all the years that Deacon dedicated his life to researching the vanishings, never in his wildest dreams did he imagine an outcome such as this. When he finally got back home he was going to have to throw out all his notebooks that were filled to the bring with crack pot theories. Who would've known the truth would've been that much crazier. 

But that doesn't matter much now. He had bigger fish to fry. With the entire world forced to witness him and his cohorts, he'd be an idiot to not take advantage of the stage.  A spotlight shines down from above, illuminating Deacon. 

it would be tacky to not address the world looking his best.

"Good evening fellow asshats,"

He casually takes a puff of his cig and washes the lack of taste down with a sip of wine.

"I have many a things to talk with you about, and I'm sure you're all waiting on baited breath or whatever, but I need to cross a few things off my bucket list. First off, let me just say... I fucking told y'all. I was RIGHT!"

"Bet you feel real stupid now Carneous.Nelly. Yeah thats right, you dumbass! You were constantly trying to push you nasty ass scientific conspiracy theories onto me. What now? WHAT NOW? I LIVE IT AND SURVIVED BITCH! TRY SWATTING ME THIS TIME!" 

And with that, all his efforts at pretending to be relaxed and sensual slip away. Deacon stands up on top the grand piano and begins one of his now completely normal rant sessions. 

"And Eve Makena- 3rd grade Mrs. Kellys class at Jefferson Elementary school! Dont think I forgot you tripping me at recess because I didnt want to be the dog of the family! You knew well enough I wanted to be the estranged uncle that works as a mechanic building badass robots for the government! Repent! I couldnt play kickball that day because my knees were torn to shreds! REPENT!" 

He huffs and puffs, desperate to catch a quick breath before continuing.

  "And HEY! NEW YORK CITY? IF I COME HOME AND FIND OUT YOU TOWED MY FUCKING CAR, I AM GOING STRAIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT! IM A WAR HERO GODDAMN IT! IF YOU JUNKED MY BABY, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!" 

"JoHNATHAN JAMES, SUMMER CAMP OF 2003, YOU AND YOUR GRODY SISTER RAN INTO ME DURING THAT ONE BOUNCY BALL GAME AND MADE ME DROP MY SUCKER. YOU OWE ME A TOOTSIE POP! A TOOTSIE POP! NOT A DUM DUM, A TOOTSIE POP!"

"NATHANIEL! I DONT KNOW YOUR LAST NAME, BUT YOU STOLE MY MOCHA FRAP WITH AN EXTRA SHOT OF ESPRESSO FROM STARBUCKS JANUARY 8TH. YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT? IT'S CAUSE I GOT YOUR NASTY ASS COTTON CANDY BULLSHIT! IT HAD YOUR NAME ON IT. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO STEAL FROM THE FUCKER HERO OF HUMANITY?"

Deacon looked like he would've continued with his call out post but something seemed to give him pause. Maybe a particular set of eyes boring holes into his head. 

He gets the feeling he should wrap this up, for his own sake. 

"Follow me at BoysBBUGS on every platform and BoysBBUGS.com for future information. Email me at BoysBBUGS@yahoo.com for sponsorship deals. See you on the flips side." 

"... I'll be home soon moms. Sorry for taking so long." 

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Promise (Jungkook x You x Yoongi ONESHOT)

MASTERLIST

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here and you are in no way obligated to do it but if any of you like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

“I’m pregnant,”

“Oh fuck,”

Y/N looks at the boy in front of her with wide eyes. Did the firat word that came out from his mouth is oh fuck?

“Jungkook?”

“Are you sure?” He ran his hand through his hair multiple times, brows furrowed. “I mean.. it could be a false positive. We only did it a few times and its your first time too. How can you be pregnant?”

“Well…” Y/N held up the 10 sticks in front of him. 10 sticks of pregnancy tests that has a big fat positive sign on it. “If all 10 of this faulty, then maybe I should just sue the company. And also,” she pass him a slip of paper. “I already went to the doctors to confirm before I came to you. I needed to be sure too,”

“Y/N…” Jungkook weakly took the paper and scan its content. Yes, his girlfriend is a few weeks pregnant.

“We are going to be okay right Kookie? We love each other. And I know we are young, but we can do this right?” Y/N tried to smile, holding his hand. “I can find some work and you can do so many things. You have a bright future ahead of you. You c-”

“Thats exactly it Y/N,” Jungkook cuts her off and pull his hand back.

“W-what do you mean?” She looks at his retracted hand and back up at his face. Something is going to go very wrong, she can feel it.

“We are young. A-and I do have a bright future ahead of me…” Jungkook looks at her with sad eyes. “Y/N… remember that audition I went to?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I didnt win that but I got 7 different other offers instead and I have chosen one. I’m going to be a trainee. A trainee to become an idol!” Jungkook smile. Y/N knows this has been his long time dream. She wont stop him from going right?

Y/N looks at the smiling boy in front of her.

“You got in?!” She jumped excitedly and hugged him. “Then whats the problem? You can train and I’ll find work for a few years first until you debut. We can stay in Seoul together Kookie and start a new life!” Y/N grins. “I know you will debut and be successful one day. You are Jeon Jungkook, I believe in you Kookie,”

“Y/N…” Jungkook pushes her slowly, breaking the hug and is met with confusion from her. “I cant bring you… I… uh… I am not allowed to date until I debut and a few years after that in fact..,”

“W-what?” Y/N was shocked to the core. What is he saying? Is he breaking up with her? When shes carrying his child? “But.. what about..” she looks down and rub her still flat stomach.

“I-I dont know,” Jungkook sighed. “Honestly, I dont. But.. we will find a way, I promise okay?” Jungkook smile and hugs her, kissing her forehead. “I’ll never leave you and our baby alone. You will never ever be alone, I promise,”

/////

“Eommmmaaaaa!”

Y/N was drag out from her memories at the sound of her 5 year old daughter calling her name. She quickly wiped her tears and look at the little girl.

“Yes Jasmine, what is it baby?”

“Until when will grandma sleep in the ground? Its dirty!” She pouted. “Is she not coming home?”

“Well.. baby… grandma uh.. she went to a special place to sleep, and the ground is the way in. She likes that place so much she told me to tell you that she wont be coming back until quite some tine. Okay baby?” Y/N stroke her daughter’s hair softly.

“Okay eomma. But tell her to come back soon. I miss her,”

“I know baby. I know,” Y/N sighed and hugs Jasmine tightly, whispering, “I miss her too. More than you can ever know,”

The day Y/N told Jungkook that she was pregnant was the last day she ever saw or heard from him. He went back home that night, with a promise that everything will be alright, that she wont be alone and he will come up with a plan. But he dissapeared the same night, no texts, no calls, no messages, no one knows where and never came back. Y/N worked hard to raised her daughter up alone with the help of her single mother. Jeon Jasmine, she named her, but she can never answer when the little girl asks why her family name is different than her eomma or where her appa is. Soon, Jasmine stop asking and the three of them live happily together, the memory of Jungkook locked away. Until Y/N’s mother passed away a week ago and Jasmine keep wondering where she went.

Grandma sleeping at a special place is the best excuse she could come up with and after a week, Y/N decided that its time. She have to move on and make new memories someplace else with Jasmine.

A new job, a new place, a new life, just the two of them.

“And baby? We are going to a special place too. Not the same place Grandma went to, but another one okay. Lets go. Pick up your stuffed bunny and lets go okay?” Y/N place her on the ground and picked up the two luggage bags, fitting only the things they needed the most. New memories requires new things, right? and she take a step into a new future, hoping to forget every awful memory that ever happen in Busan.

You promise I’ll never be alone. Then what am I now Jungkook? Y/N sighed and looks down when she felt a tug at her hand and saw Jasmine smiling at her, making her heart soared. Well, Kookie, maybe you are right, I will never be alone afterall.

/////

Y/N looks up from the newspaper in her hand to the small building in front of her. This is the right adress, so this must be the place.

Hiring Coffee Girl

Y/N tapped the newspaper again, takes a deep breath and walks in. Being a coffee girl is not exactly a high paying job, but after dropping out from school to raise Jasmine, Y/N only works a few odd jobs here and there in her small hometown, which means she has no experience to apply for a high paying job in the big city of Seoul. But coffee? That she can do.

“H-hello?” Y/N nervously looks around the building. How can a supposedly entertainment company be this quiet. Yeah, its a small, unknown one, but surely they must have a handful of staff atleast? Theres not even a reception in this building. A building that doesnt even look like an office. Y/N wandered around the building, finding courage in herself to explore more. She came all this way, with what little money she have, she have to ace this interview.

Getting a little deeper into the building, she passed a few closed doors and finally hears music coming from a bright lighted room. With shaky hands and sweaty palms, she makes her way to the room and knock softly on the slightly ajar door.

“H-hello? Is anybody in here?”

No answer.

After knocking a few more times Y/N decided to push the door, only to be greeted by the bright light of the room. With blinking eyes she focuses herself and saw the room is some sort of a music room, with a grand piano located right in the middle of it. But what catches her eyes the most is the man sitting at the piano, head between his hands, slumping in frustration.

Y/N nervously take a few small steps closer and whisper.

“H-hi. Hello? S-sir?”

Still no answer.

“S-sir?” She reached out and tap the man’s shoulder, who immediately whipped his around, glaring at her, making her jump.

“What?!”

“I-I’m sorry. I didnt mean to disturb you but I-”

“Who the hell are you?!” The man turned fully at her and Y/N managed to sink in his features. He is good looking, no doubt. With short black hair, his beautiful pale skin glowing, his dark eyes shooting her death glares.

He is the most beautiful man she has ever seen.

“Are you deaf? Or u cant talk or something?” He waves his hand in front of her, making her jump again. “Heeellloooo?”

“S-sorry. I-im here to interview for the coffee girl position?” She stuttered.

“Do I look like an interviewer to you? Get out from here. This is private practice!” The man huffed and turned back around to his piano, shuffling through his music notes.

“Sorry,” Y/N quickly bows and turned to leave but stopped in her tracks when she heard a loud sigh from that same man, while loudly mumbling to himself.

“What cant I get this next note right? God damn it!” He slammed his hands on the piano keys, making a loud noise. Y/N knew she shouldnt, especially after the man just told her directly to get out but she turned around and approach him anyway.

“M-maybe I can help. M-may I? See? Your music notes?”

He looks up and glares at her.

“You? Coffee girl? What the hell do you know about music?” He scoffs.

“Maybe not as much as you Sir,” Y/N starts to get annoyed. How arrogant is this man? “But it seems like you are stuck and maybe a fresh perspective from a coffee girl can help,” she gritted her teeth, glaring back straight to his face. The man kept quiet for a moment before sighing.

“Fine, what do I have got to lose anyway,”

Y/N smile and took the papers he offered. After reading through and thinking for a moment, she smile.

“How about this? May I?” She gestured to the piano. “Sure. Go ahead,” he scooted a bit to give her space.

“I was thinking of something like this,” she starts to press the keys, making out a beautiful melody that fits the next part of the song perfectly. The man turns to her, mouth gaped open.

“H-how did you think of that? I have spent 4 days locked up in here, trying to think of the perfect continuation for that part!”

“Well,” she smiles, “sometimes a fresh perspective is all you need,”

“Are you sure you are just a coffee girl?” The man looks at her skeptically.

“Well, I am not practically hired yet, but I am hoping I would be. I reaaaaally need a job,” Y/N shrugs.

“No, I mean, you must have some sort of knowledge or maube some dumb luck or talent in music to do this so effortlessly. Who are you?”

“Well.. I do have a big interest in music. Me and my boyfriend, well, uh… my ex boyfriend,” Y/N gave a small smile at the memory of Jungkook, “use to compose songs together. I also studied music a little before I dropped out from school,”

“Do you still need a job?” The man looks at her with a serious face now.

“Yeah. I absolutely need one,”

“Then I am going to get you one,” he flashed a gummy smile and pull her hand.

“Wait, where are we going?!”

“To meet the CEO,”

“C-CEO?! Does the CEO really need to interview me for just a coffeegirl position!?” Y/N shrieked, making the man laugh.

“Of course not. We couldnt care less who will make us coffee. But I am going to make you a song writer for the company,” he grins again.

“W-what?!” Y/N felt dizzy. Is this man for real?

He just smile and continue to drag her to a room on the second floor. Suddenly he stops right before entering the room and smile, his hand shooting out to hers.

“I am going to be your colleague. We are going to spend a lot of time together since we are gonna be writing songs. I should at least know your name coffee girl,” he grins.

“I-Im Y/N. L/N Y/N,” Y/N reached out and shook his hand.

“Hi Y/N. I’m Yoongi. Min Yoongi, and it would be a pleasure to work with you,”

/////

“Working hard?”

Y/N jumped when that soft whisper hits her ears and turned around to smack the source of the voice right in the head.

“Owww!” “Serves you right Min Yoongi!” She pouted. “I told you dont sneak up on me when I am working!”

“But I brought coffee, and donuts. Is that enough to forgive me?” He gave her his famous gummy smile, holding up the tray of hot coffees and brown paperbag filled with donuts.

“Hmmm, depends,” Y/N crosses her arms and pretends to think. “Is it strawberry filled?”

“Of course it is. Dont you know by now to not underestimate Min Yoongi?”

“Then you are forgiven,” she smile and catch the bag that Yoongi threw at her. “Mmhhm delicious!”

Yoongi took a seat in front of her and smile. Writing music time is his favorite part of work. Sure, it has always been his favorite, but ever since that fateful day Y/N walks in looking for the coffeegirl position, it has gone even better.

“So, how was your band mates?”

“Oh right!” Yoongi smile. After years or training and just coped up writing music, he is finally introduced to another 6 trainees that will soon debut with him as part of the same group. Earlier today was the first time they actually officially met each other. Sure, he has seen them around the company sometimes, but never propeely introduced. “They are great. But I am the second oldest. Which means I have 5 bratty little brothes to deal with. I thought having you is punishment enough,” he laughs.

“Yahh. Who are you kidding? You love me,” Y/N giggles and continue to eat her donuts, which fillings has now dripped on her chin. Yoongi smiles at the sight of her scrunching her nose, brows furrowed trying to wipe the mess and mumble only loud enough for him to hear.

“I do. I really do love you,”

“Did you say something?” Y/N looks up at him, taking him by surprise.

“N-no. Just got some inspiration for the music. Stop eating and lets get to work you piggy,” he laughs and ruffles her hair.

“Yah, Im no piggy!” Y/N giggles. “Anyway, how long do you think PD-nim will keep with the rule that only married woman can meet and work with your group? I want to meet them too!” Y/N pouts.

“Well, a rule is a rule, and we are all devastatingly good looking you know, you might fall in love,” he laughs.

“That rule shouldnt apply to me. I have a kid!” Y/N protested. “And I am already working with you, for so many hours a day too! Whats the difference?”

“You might have a kid, but you are still single,” Yoongi rolled her eyes. Y/N had introduced Jasmine to him a month after they started working together, and just like her mother, the little girl managed to win his cold heart in a matter of seconds. “And its different with me. You knew me before I was an idol. Before I get all this cool clothes, 10 inch makeup and this swaggie dance moves. You already see me as a friend,” Yoongi smiles although deep inside he wished Y/N would say something about how he is more than a friend.

Y/N shrugs.

“Whatever. I still think the rule is stupid. I worked here but I cant see them? Stu-pid,” Y/N rolls her eyes and start to work. “But hey, atleast I get to spend time with you. And thats more than enough, right Yoongs?”

Yoongi smile at the nickname.

“Absolutely,”

/////

Y/N woke up that morning with her heart beating fast. She can feel something is happening today but she cant put her finger on what it is. Anxiously, she gets ready, take a shower, prepare breakfast for the two of them and send Jasmine off to school and make her way to the studio. Yoongi has a schedule today, so she will be working alone.

She smile at the thought.

Who knew that grumpy man she accidentally met a year ago, yes, a year ago, become one of her bestfriends and also a member of an idol group. Yoongi has debuted a year ago and to this day, she still dont know who his bandmates are or ever meet them. She always miss their show due to her busy schedule, balancing between work and taking care of Jasmine, and since the group dont have that many shows to begin with, she never get the chance to see them.

1 new message Yoongs 😊

Y/N smile and clicked open the text. She knows hes busy but he never fails to atleast wish her a good morning. Without realizing, her face etched with a huge smile. Y/N shakes her head and clears her throat as she realized what shes doing. Why am I smiling just from his name anyway?

Im taking you to lunch today. You are finally meeting my infamous bandmates. See you at 1 😘

/////

Y/N smoothed down her wrinkled shirt as she paced back and forth in front of the building, waiting for Yoongi. She dont know how to feel right now, nervous? Not exactly. Trying to impress? Not so much. But she do want to atleast look presentable in front of Yoongi’s bandmates. She has been bugging him to let her meet them for a year and now that he managed to do so, she should atleast act her best.

A few minutes later a small van with tinted window stopped in front of the building and out the first face she seens coming out fron the sliding door flashed her a big gummy smile.

“Yoongs!” She jumped and hugs him. Yoongi laugh and hugged her back.

“Wow, someone is excited to see me. I feel so touched,”

“Yah, I’m lonely. Writing songs alone is not as much fun as it sounds okay!” She pouted playfully and smack his chest.

“I know, I know and I’m sorry. To make it up to you, I am finally giving you your wish. Come meet my bandmates,” he takes her hand and leads her closer to the van. One by one they climb out fron the van, smiling, shaling her hands, telling her how they love her songs and how Yoongi talked so much about her.

“Thats Seokjin-hyung, Jimin, Namjoon, Hoseok..” Yoongi peered inside. “Wheres the maknaes?”

“They are coming out. Tae is trying to wake our sleeping beauty,” Jin explained. “Sorry, our youngest like to sleep,” he gave a small laugh.

“Its alright. You guys must be tired. Thank you for still making time to have lunch with me,” Y/N smiles. Before Jin coukd answer, Taehyung climbed out from van.

“Hes awake! I did it. Hi, I’m Taehyung,” he grins and gave his hand for a handshake. Y/N who is still starstruck by his beauty awkwardly take his hand as the “sleeping beauty” everyone talked about climbed out the car, which almost give Y/N a heart attack.

“Hi, sorry, I’m Jung-

“J-Jungkook?”

All six pairs of eyes are opened wide at whats happening in front of them. Their faces turned from Y/N’s shocked face to Jungkook’s disbelief reaction.

“Wait, do you guys know each ot-” Yoongi didnt managed to finish his question when suddenly a pretty girl ran up to the group and hugs Jungkook tight.

“Babyyy, I have waited for so long! Me and the baby is hungry!” She pouted playfully and rubbed the slight bumped on her stomach. Y/N’s mind is spinning as she tries to register what is happening in front of her. “Oh sorry, I didnt realized theres someone else,” the girl giggles and turn to Y/N, bows and sticks out a hand.

“I’m Nayla, Kookies’ fiancee. And this is our soon to be Kookie junior,” she smile and rubbed her stomach again. “And you are?”

“I-I,” Y/N’s eyes flicked over to Jungkook’s face who just look at her with a sad expression. Not sad for the situation, but more like sad for her. “I uh, I have to go,” she bows quickly and ran back inside as fast as she can, leaving everyone in confusion.

/////

“Hey.. Y/N? Are you in here?” Yoongi’s soft voice calls out to here and she sense a figure coming closer to her as she quickly wipes her eyes but to no avail. The tears just keeps on coming. Yoongi sighed and sits on the floor besides her.

“H-how do you know I’ll be here?” She whispered, making Yoongi smile.

“Because, this is your sad room. I know you come here when you had a writers’ block, or you feel like your work is not good enough or when you are feeling anything bad at all,”

“Y-you notice?”

“Of course I do. I just thought you would appreciate it if I leave you alone whenever you come in here,”

“Then why arent you leaving me alone now?”

“Because I dont know what makes you sad this time. And I want to make you feel better. But I cant do that if you wont tell me. So… can you tell me? Please?” Yoongi scooted closer and tuck a stray hair behind her ears. “Please?”

“I-,” Y/N sniffles. “J-Jungkook…”

“You know Jungkook? I know hes a maknae brat, but what could he have done to make you this upset,” Yoongi wondered out loud. “Want me to beat him up?”

Y/N lets out a small smile in between her tears.

“N-no,” she smiles and takes a deep breath. “Jungkook… he uh..” Y/N starts to cry again. “J-Jungkook.. he is… Jasmine’s father,”

“What?!”

“And Yoongi, he has a fiance and a baby on the way!” Y/N burst out crying and Yoongi immediately leap forward and engulfed her in his tight hug. “Im alone Yoongs.. I thought when I find him I wont be alone anymore. B-but.. Jasmine and me will be alone,”

No, Y/N,“ Yoongi strokes her hair softly. “I promise you Y/N. You wont ever be alone. I’ll take care of you. I promise, I’ll take care of you,”

/////

Maybe its true when people say omce you notice or know something, you will never unseen it. After that fateful lunch meet up, Y/N keep seeing Yoongi’s band mates everywhere in the company. Of course, Jeon Jungkook included. Funny how for the one year she worked there, she didnt even crossed their shadow.

Still, she tries her best to avoid them l at any costs until one day, while she went to the rehearsal room early to meet Yoongi. He usually came early to finish a verse or two before their dance rehearsal and Y/N usually meet him there for a little catch up on work and leave before the others arrive. But as she pushed open the door, Yoongi was no where in sight, but she was met with a sweaty, dancing Jungkook instead.

“Oh.. uh, hi,” Jungkook immediately turned off the music player and stops, wiping a small towel over the sweats on his face.

“Uh.. hi.. s-sorry. I was looking for Yoongi. He usually come here early..” Y/N looks down and fiddles with her fingers from the awkward tension. How can she felt awkward with the same guy who whispered words of love in her ear years ago?

“Oh. Something came up, so hyung will arrive a bit late today. You are welcone to wait,” Jungkook motioned to one of the couches.

“Uh.. thanks..” Y/N looks around, still not sure what to do. Should she just leave and text Yoongi?

“So how are you? We havent seen each other for so long,” Jungkook cuts off her thoughts, smiling at her. Y/N looks at him. How can he be so casual when the last time they saw each other is when she told him she was pregnant? And never heard from him again?

“Im good,” she smiles. “Im a song writer now. But of course you know that,” she slapped her forehead. “Obviously I write songs for your band,” she gives a small laugh. Jungkook smiles back at her.

“Yes, you are. So how is working with hyung? We are all scared to disturb him when hes writing, but you seems to be able to work well with him?”

“Yoongi is great actually. And he helped me a lot,” Y/N smile at the thought. “He works really hard. Im actually here becayse he actually always tired to fit in some writing before all of you have to rehearse your dance,”

“Ohhhh, typical hyung,” Jungkook smiles. “But Joonie hyung told me the rap line has something came up today. So they will be late. You want me to take a message?”

“Well…” Y/N thought for a moment. “Yeah, that would be great actually. Just tell him that I cant stay because I need to go school,”

“School?” Jungkook looks at her, confused. “Are you still studying?”

“Oh right no,” Y/N laughs, realizing Jungkook must be confused. “I need to go to Jasmine’s school. They are having a-”

“Jasmine?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow and Y/N realized she never actually had a chance to introduce him to his daughter. Y/N feels her eyes starts to water and smile softly. This is the forst time Jungkook even hears his daughter’s name.

“Jasmine… well,” she spoke softly, eyes never leaving his. “Jasmine is my daughter. Well, actuallu, she is our daug-”

“Stop,” Jungkook raised his hand to stop her from finishing her sentence. Y/N looks at him with confusion. “Dont finish that sentence. I know what you are trying to say Y/N and I dont want to hear it. I dont want to know about her. At all,”

Y/N felt like her heart stopped. She knows Jungkook most probably dont love her anymore, but she had thought he would atleast feel something for his daughter? A little girl who never knew who her father was.

“Jungkook, I-”

“I know maybe you think by bringing her up I will feel regret, or maybe you can rekindle our love or something,” Jungkook sighed. “But let me tell you this now. I dont know how or what kind of funny joke the universe is trying to pull, that you somehow ended up working here of all places, but we are over. What we had are in the past and we will never be together again. We were teenagers, and I dont think I was even in love with you back then,” Jungkook runs a hand through his hair while Y/N is still dumbfounded about everything he says.

“Jung-”

“Let me finish ok?” He stops her. “I dont regret what I did. I know that makes me an asshole, but I am happy now. I love Nayla. I will do anything for her. And we have a baby on the way. And that baby is my daughter. I love my career and I have a bright future ahead of me, so please, please dont do anything that would jeapordize what I had or I swear Y/N, I’ll make you regret it. Clear?”

Y/N blinked a few times, the pain in her chest is killing her, her eyes trying hard to blink back the tears. Is this the Jungkook that she knows and love? How is he this heartless?

“C-clear,”

“Good,” without hesitation Jungkook turns and plays the song again and continue his dance, leaving Y/N standing there, frozen.

“Hey, you are early today,” Y/N turns and see Yoongi smiling at her. Without realizing, the other members are already entering the room one by one, chit chatting and placing their bags at the corner, ready to rehearse. She lifted her head to look at Jungkook, who is smiling and greeting his hyungs like their conversation never even happened.

“Yeah..” she smile weakly. “I uh just want to tell you that I dont feel well, so I’m gonna head home early today. Have a fun rehearsal,” Y/N smile, bows and quickly ran out before Yoongi can say anything.

/////

He knows. Jungkook knows that Y/N is avoiding him ever since the conversation they had in the rehearsal room. Jungkook didnt regret what he said because he meant every single word. He have a good thing going with Nayla and his career and he doesnt want a blast from the past to ruin it. But why is it he found himself cranking his neck to see if Y/N walks pass the hall? Or feeling irritated that Y/N didnt make any more effort to talk to him, or to introduce Jasmine to him? Or the feeling of extreme annoyance that Yoongi keeps on talking about her? He knows for sure that Yoongi knows about their history. Though his hyung never mentioned anything about it, but from the way Yoongi eyed him up and down or the sarcastic remarks he makes sometimes, Jungkook knows Yoongi knows exactly what happened. But what he doesnt know is, if Yoongi know about that conversation that took place a few days ago.

“Lets go Kookie,” Taehyung nudge him, snapping him out from his thoughts. Taehyung and him wanted to grab some food after the tiring rehearsal while the other hyungs decided to just go back to the dorm and sleep the say away, exhausted. They walked the short distance to their favorite snack stall near the building.

As Taehyung chatted away happily while stuffing his face full, Jungkook caught something at the opposite road in the corner of his eye.

Y/N.

He hasnt seen her for days already. Jungkook keeps on staring, blanking out everything that Taehyung is saying.

What is she doing?

Y/N turns to face him and thats when he realizes that she was talking to a little girl. Jungkook’s heart immediately beats faster at the sight fo the girl’s brown doe eyes, smiling and looking up to her mother with clear adoration.

Jasmine. His daughter.

Jungkook smiles without realizing. Sbe is so beautiful, and happy. Happy without him. Without a father. Because her father disown her. Jungkook’s smile turn to a frown. But the frown gets deeper when he saw Yoongi walks towards them and Jasmine immediately runs to his hyung and hugs him as Yoongi kneels to her height. He saw how Yoongi adjusted his daughter’s beanie and ruffle her hair. And how her tiny hands hugs Yoongi’s neck as he picks her up. How Y/N smiles warmly at the two of them. To everyone else, they look like a freaking happy family. But Jungkook knows better.

Because thats his family. And he wants it back.

/////

Ever since then, Jungkook has been following Y/N’s every step. And hes not being subtle about it either. Hes obviously watching and staying close and keeps on making snide remark about Yoongi and his closeness to her whenever they are together. At one point Y/N have had enough and drag the maknae to an empty rehearsal room.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“I dont know what you mean,” Jungkook shrugs. “Can I go now?”

“No! You know exactly what I mean. Why are you acting like a jealous freak?!” Y/N is frustrated with his behavior

“Fine!” Jungkook raised both his hands. “I dont want you close to hyung. Yoongi hyung,” Jungkook crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“Why the hell not? Hes my friend. And who are you to tell me what to do?!”

“Well, for starters, I’m the father of your daughter. I dont want you to simply let my daughter close to anyone!”

“What?!” Y/N looks at him in disbelief. “You said Jasmine is not your kid remember. What? You suddenly want us back now?!” Y/N scoffs.

“N-no. I dont want that. I just…” Jungkook is loss for words.

“Then what do you want from me Jungkook? You said you dont want me to get close. You said you dont want to get to know your daughter, but you flipped out everytime Im close to Yoongi! What the hell do you want?!”

Jungkook kept quite, his chest heaving heavily from his breath, trying to control his emotions. Y/N takes a deep breath and looks at him.

“Jungkook.. I love you. I admit it. I love you. I still do. Even after years you left me and treating me like crap ever since we met again, I still love you,” Y/N confessed. “Choose me Jungkook. Marry me and lets forget the past mistakes. Be with me. Be here for me, for Jasmine. For once in her life. Marry me Jungkook,”

“I-I cant…”

“You… cant? Why? Why Jungkook? Tell me why!”

“I-I dont know! I dont know okay!But all I know is that I dont want to get married now Y/N. I am still young!” Jungkook lets out his frustration. To be honest, he really dont know how he feels.

“You are engaged to Nayla, Jungkook! Engaged to be freaking married!” Y/N screamed back.

“Nayla and me will only be married in a few years time. We never picked a date yet,” Jungkook justify.

“Then fine, okay. I’ll wait. I have waited for so many years, whats a few more.m right? Jungkook, I love you. Please,” Y/N sniffles. “Please, leave Nayla. We have a family. You, me and Jasmine. Please Jungkook, Nayla will understand. We are a family. We are meant to be together!” Y/N reached out and hold his hand. Hoping this time, he wont leave them again.

“Its not because of Nayla or anyone. Dont you get it?! Its you! I dont want to marry you!”

“W-what?” In shock, Y/N drop his hand, mouth gaping open. Jungkook finally said it. Shes the reason why. Shes the reason why Jasmine doesnr have a father. Jungkook left not because he was afraid of commutmentor anything. Its because… of her. Jungkook just doesnt want to marry her.

“Wait Y/N, thats not what I meant,” Jungkook quickly realized what he said and try to reached for her hand again but she swatted it away.

“No Jungkook. For the first time you left me, I finally understand. Its very clear now why. You dont love me. You never did. And you never will. All this years I thought if I found you, I can trt to make you fall in love with me. But how can I? How can I if you never love me in the first place?” Y/N laughs emotionlessly. “I-Im gonna go,”

“No Y/N, wai-”

“No Jungkook. Let me go. And this time I promise I will leave you alone,”

/////

“Hey…” Yoongi smiles and take sits down on the steps besides her. Y/N quickly try to wipe her flowing tears but failed. Its just too much. “I didnt mean to eavesdrop… but I passed by the rehearsal room, and I kinda heard everything. Are you… okay?”

“Why are you so nice to me Yoongs?” Y/N sniffles, letting her tears flows down. She doesnt want to keep it inside anymore. “I am sure you have better things to do than be with me and all my drama. Than entertaining a kid who is not even yours. You dont have to be nice to me just because you feel like you have to. Im okay,”

“Is that what you think Y/N? That I have to?” Yoongi gave a small laugh. Y/N nodded.

“Im a nobody. Just a small town girl who you helped to get a job. You have big things ahead ready for you Yoongs. And I am sorry I drag you into this,”

“Hey…” Yoongi cups her face to make her look at him. “You might be a small town girl who I helped. But I know for sure that even if I didnt, you will be great elsewhere. So actually, I am the one who should thank tou for picking to work with me,” he flashed his gummy smile, making Y/N smile a little. “Y/N… you might be a small town girl, but you are so much more to me,”

Y/N looks him, confusion clear in her eyes.

“You are the girl whos talent so raw, so amazing, it amazes me. You ate the girl who with just a smile, or even a yawn,” he laughs, “makes my heart beats uncontrollably. I dont know how or when it happens… actually, I do,” Yoongi smiles. “It happens from the first day you tapped my shoulder and said I should open up and listen to some fresh persepctive. My heart cant stop beating at the thought of you ever since then, my mind cant stop thinking about you ever since and I just cant bloody stop smiling at the thought of you, at the sound of your name Y/N. There.. you know everything now. So I hope you dont think that I have to take care of you. I hope you know that I want to take care of you, because the thought of you and Jasmine alone or sad or unhappy makes me want to protect you, love you and just.. make you smile again,”

“Yoongi..,” Y/N whispered his name so softly while his eyes still locks on hers. “I… but I cant-”

“Hey,” he takes her hand and rubs it softly. “I am not telling you all this so that you will forget Jungkook or choose me. Its not my intention. Im telling you all this because you need to know how you make me feel, how important you are, how loved and how I need you. You dont have to say anything,”

“Yoongi…” Y/N cleared her throat, eyes glistening with tears. “I care for you. You are what makes me so strong to be here, to start this new life after I move. To face Jungkook and Nayla everyday. But Yoongi… Jungkook is my-”

“I know,” Yoongi smiles and squeezes her hand. “Jungkook is your first love. And its not easy to forget him. I know he is your first love Y/N, and I dont mind. Because… I am going to be your last love, and I promise I will wait however long that takes,”

Y/N mouth gaped open, but nothing came out. Speechless as she stares at Yoongi’s smiling face.

“I love you Y/N,” he whispered and kisses her forehead. “And you dont have to say anything,”

/////

Jungkook is going crazy. He didnt mean to say what he said. He was just so stressed about his feelings that it just came out. He loves Nayla, and the baby. He is happy. Was happy. Everything changes when Y/N appeared again in his life and he starts to doubt everything.

The jealousy, the longing, the constant nagging from Nayla asking why hes acting different… its all just too much. And when Y/N asks him to pick her, choose her, there and then, he lost it. He was scared, he was lost and he doesnt want to do something he will regret. But apparently, he did it anyway.

Its been a few months since then, and Y/N avoided him like a plague. It doesnt help that Yoongi is helping her to avoid Jungkook too, and worse, that hyung is getting extremely close to her too, and that shameless hyung is no longer hiding his feelings for her. His whole band knows about it now, and theres nothing Jungkook can do to stop him. Jungkook needs to see Y/N, to talk to her, to explain everything. He knows what he wants now. Its very clear now. He loves Y/N. He wants to be in her life again, to be Jasmine’s father, to watch her grow up with Y/N by his side. Never again missing anything in her life. Jungkook will be damned if he lets Y/N go to Yoongi. His own band mate. His own hyung. But what if its too late? What if Y/N stops loving him in this past few months? What if he lost his chances for good. He needs to see her.

And he needs to see her now.

“Y/N, please. Just hear me out,” Jungkook pulls her hand before she could escaped. After months trying, he finally gets hold of her writing schedule and waited at the music room where she and Yoongi always work together. He made sure its the day where Y/N is alone, no hyung in sight and waited for her for hours until she showed up. She has no where no run now.

“I have nothing to say to you Jungkook,” Y/N tries to escape but failed.

“But I do. So you need to listen!” Jungkook gripped her hand. “Please?” Y/N sighed and nodded. She cant never resist thise doe eyes.

“Thankyou,” he gives her a small smile. “Y/N, first I want to say I’m sorry. Sorry for saying I dont want to marry you. Sorry for saying I dont want to get to know our daughter. And most of all… sorry for leaving you all those years ago.. when I promised you that you wouldnt be alone,” he takes a deep breath. “I regret everything I did to you. I was stupid, a brat and selfish. I know that. But I also know one thing… I know that I love you. In love with you. And I dont want to live another day without you,”

Jungkook stops and looks at her, trying to gauge her reaction, but nothing. He cant read whats shes feeling, so he decides to continue.

“Y/N… I’ll do anything. I’ll go as fast as you want or as slow as you want. If you want to get married now, lets do that. If you want to wait for 10 more years, I’ll do that too. Please Y/N, you dont have to forgive me, but please, accept me…”

“What about Nayla?” Y/N finally speaks after being quite for a while.

“Nayla..” Jungkook sighs.“Theres something you should know Y/N. That baby.. its not mine,” Y/N gasps, surprised by his confession. “You see… I have been chasing after Nayla for quite some time… but she has always been in love with this one guy, her ex boyfriend. Then one day, she came to me crying, saying shes pregnant and her boyfriend left her… she was scared, and alone.. and for the first time, she said she wanted me. I said yes. I accepted her, and accepted her baby as my own. But.. she left… the guy came back, said he wanted her back and she went back to him. Nayla is not a problem to us anymore Y/N. We can be together,” Jungkook smiles.

After a moment of silence, Y/N lets out a long laugh.

“Y-Y/N?”

“So thats why you are acting like this. Because Nayla left you? Thats it isnt it?”

“What?! No!” Jungkook panics as he realized what Y/N must be thinking about. “No Y/N. I have realized long before she left me that I love you. I want to be with you. You and Jasmine. You!” He held her hand tightly. “Please, believe me Y/N,”

“How can I Jungkook? You have done nothing but breaks my heart and hurt me…”

“I know, I know. But I promise. And this time I really promise, that I will spend the rest of our lives to prove to you that I love you. To shower you with the love that you deserve. To be the father that our daughter deserve. Y/N… I know you still love me,” he places her hand in his heart. “And I promise, you will never be alone again. I will show you how much I love you. I love you Y/N. I love you with everything I got,”

Y/N looks down and looks back up to the face that she had always, always love. The face that he always longed for. Slowly, a smile appeared on her face.

“I love you,” Jungkook smile and leans closer, to finally give her the kiss she has been waiting for so long.

/////

Yoongi immediately turns away from the door and walks out from the building. He is pretty sure Y/N wouldnt notice that he missed their session today.

He was so excited to surprise her today, bringing her favorite donuts. Y/N has been happier lately, and they have been so much closer ever since the Jungkook situation. Yoongi had thought he actually stands a chance. That Y/N has finally moved on ftom her first love. From the speeech he hears Jungkook gave her, and that smile on her face before he leans in to kiss her… well, he knows hows thats going to end.

Yoongi sat at the bench along the road alone, munching on the donuts he bought slowly. This is where he usually meets with Y/N and Jasmine, before they went off for some food or fun activities on his free day. None of that anymore. He is sure Jungkook will be doing that with her now. Yoongi sighed.

“How can someone sounds so sad while eating such delicious donuts?” Yoongi immediately turns around to the sound of the voice and see Y/N walking towards her, smiling. Ia she here to tell him about her and Jungkook. He dont need to know. “And Min Yoongi, are you eating my favorite donuts alone?!”

Yoongi try to give her a smile and pass the bag to her. Y/N smile and take a seat besides him.

“Why the long face?”

“Nothing you need to know,” Yoongi shrugs. “You look happy today,”

“Yes. Its a good day today,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I fell in love,” Y/N smiles and Yoongi felt his heart breaking.

“Well.. good for you then. I have to go. Ill see you?” He starts to stands up to leave but Y/N pulls his hand.

“Wait. Dont you want to know more?”

“Actually no,” Yoongi shakes his head and try to break free but Y/N tighten her grip and frown.

“No sit,” and Yoongi has no other choice but to follow. “I had a talk with Jungkook today,”

Yoongi kept quiet, wondering why he is putting himself through this hell.

“He told me he regrets everything he ever said, or did to me. He told me he wanted to try again. To be with me. To be with Jasmine. He said he finally realizes what he wants, that he loves me. And wants to spend the rest of our lives together. Its everything I wanted to hear Yoongi,” Y/N smile.

“Yeah? Congratulations. I am very happy for you,” Yoongi forced a smile.

“And do you know what I think about while he is saying all that?”

Yoongi shrugs.

“All I can think about is how I dont want any of that from him anymore. Instesd, all I can think about is all the days I spent with you. To spend my days with you. Laughing and having fun with Jasmine and you. The way you smile, the way you always here to listen to me, the way you care, the way you… love me…”

Yoongi feels his heart beats faster but his tounge is tied.

“And I realized… that I want to be all of that to you too. I want to be the face you remember, I want to take care of you, to listen to you, to make you smile, to make you laugh. Yoongi, do you know what I’m trying to say?”

“I-Im not sure? Maybe you can enlighten me?” Yoongi tries to keep a straight face but he cant keep his gummy smile from showing.

“Min Yoongi, I love you,” Y/N grins. “And I want to be your last love too. No, I’m gonna be your last love, and it starts now,”

/////

“I love you,” Jungkook smile and leans closer, to finally give her the kiss she has been waiting for so long.

Y/N stops him before his lips can touch hers and smile.

“Y/N? Whats wrong?”

“I dont love you anymore Jeon Jungkook. And I promised you that I’ll leave you alone remember? And unlike you, I always keeps my promises,”

[callmetippytumbles]

A Happy New Year (Liam x MC)

Tippy’s Note: So listen, it’s been a hot minute since I did a fanfic.  Blah, blah, life. Blah, blah, busy. Other stuff.  I wanted to get back into the swing of things with something fluffy, sweet and in the spirit of the season.  Like the first fanfic, Tipsy Halle had to make an appearance.  I hope you guys like it.  I may have more stuff cooking for you guys.

Disclaimer: Choices owns this and I do not.

Words Counted: 2,135 Rating: PG Pairing: Liam x MC (Halle), Driara

Liam x MC tags: @jacksonsmaine @umccall71 @blackcoffee85 @theroyalweisme @writtenbycandy@hopefulmoonobject @mynameiskaylabella  @the-everlasting-dream@zigbadboy  @indiacater @lolablackwrites  @i-choose-liam

Fic tags: @coldcolectornight08  @brightpinkpeppercorn  @smalltalk88

Halle and Liam sat in front of one of the large pine trees outside of Applewood Manor.  Their large grins trained on the camera in front of them.

“Wishing a Merry Christmas…” Liam started.

“...And Happy Holidays to you and yours.” Halle added, hoping the huskiness to her voice brought warmth and not exhaustion.  

“And an extra happy holiday to you.” Liam cooed to the youngest Rhys, two-year-old Asher, Ash for short, who nuzzled against his mother.  The young boy smiled and clasped his father’s nose in his gloved hands.

Five-year-olds Kalilah and Zuri sat in front of them and waved to the camera. While Zuri continued to wave, Kalilah reached down into the snow and threw a snowball at her brother and father.  Zuri quickly retaliated and soon the peaceful moment descended into chaos.  Lilah had Zuri pinned within seconds.  Ash patted snow on his sister’s back leaving Halle and Liam to have a battle of their own.  

Halle smashed a snowball on her husband’s face.

“Is that how you want to play, my love?”

She didn’t finish her nod before Liam tackled her in the snow.

“Cut,” An exasperated Madeleine shouted behind the camera crew.  “So much for a regal but festive address.” She threw her hands up in the air.

Halle pulled Lilah off of her brother while Liam held Ash. They walked over to where Madeleine was with the camera crew.

“Think we have it now?”

“No, Your Majesty, we do not. We should do one more take.”

Zuri groaned.

Halle looked down at her children.  Lilah looked about ready to cry.  Zuri had his arms across his chest.  They were more than done.  Ash was also over it, getting antsy in his father’s arms.  

“I don’t think the twins have another take in them and Ash is about ready for a nap.”  

“I still think…”

“Maybe the snow fight is a good thing,” St. James interjected.  “It makes them seem down to earth.”

“They are not down to earth, they are the Royal Family of Cordonia.  This isn’t some cutesy e-card we are making for Grandma.”

Ash became even fussier, fighting his father’s embrace, his small limbs flailing in every direction.  “I say that we go with this one.  With the snowball fight.” Liam giving his final word while trying to calm the toddler.

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Madeleine says with a fake grin, though the tightness in her jaw said otherwise.  She walked away with a determined stride, calling over her shoulder as she went.  “Make sure that the footage gets to the editor ASAP.  I want this on every television station by primetime and on Instagram before tea-time.”

“I am already on it.” St. James hollered back.

Now Drake was playing the clip of Liam getting smashed with a snowball on his phone during New Years Eve gathering that Halle and Liam were hosting at the Valtoria Estate.  

“You don’t get to see that every day,” Drake pointed out.  “The Sovereign Ruler of Cordonia getting pummelled with snow.”

“I seem to recall you being buried in snow by your wife and son on Instagram. I think it even had the caption hashtag ‘snow daddy’” Liam countered.  

“But I am not the king.”

“Dieu merci pour ça,” Kiara said as she joined the two men. “The last thing we need is a grumpy monarch who would spend an alarming amount of the GDP on whiskey.”

“I am not a grump.”

His best friend raised his eyebrow and his wife side-eyed him.  

“I am not!” Drake defended.  “I like fun.  Woo. Fun. Good times for all.”

“But you are my dear, and I love you anyway,” Kiara added with a kiss on Drake’s cheek.

“You’ve got to now.  You’re stuck with me.” Drake kissed her on the lips.

“Guess I am... Snow Daddy.”

“Truer words have never been spoken.”

Zuri ran up to his father, his footie pajamas slipping on the hardwood floors. “Can we do sock slides with Uncle Maxwell?”

Henri, Drake and Kiara’s son followed closely behind. “Yeah, can we?”

“What did your mother say?”

“Ask your father.”

“Did she now?  Well, I guess I do not see the immediate harm in this.” Liam reasoned.

“They would be with an adult,” Kiara added.

“You are calling Maxwell an adult?”

Henri held onto his father’s leg.  Drake saw his own eyes peer back at him as he pouted his mother’s lips.  

“Please,” the child begged with a lip quiver.

Drake sighed, “Fine.”

“Yes!” Henri cheered, his pout vanishing.

“Sock slide contest with Uncle Maxwell!”

“He has all the best tricks.”

Henri and Zuri ran off in search of their fun uncle, leaving the adults to themselves.

A waiter walked by with a tray of drinks.  Liam and Drake picked up tumblers of scotch while Kiara’s had non-alcoholic Lythikos eggnog. She and Drake were expecting their second child, so that meant no wine for her.  This led to a discussion about adjusting from one child to two.  Liam did not have much to offer in that discussion since he and Halle went from zero to two in one go.  

Halle had Ash for most of the night.  He didn’t do well with spending long periods of time with the nanny or with lots of new people in the house.  With all of the strangers in the house, Ash was especially clingy.  Any time she would put the child down to have him play with the other children, he would throw a tantrum that could only be calmed by a mother’s love.  Eventually, the stimulation became too much and Ash tired himself out.  Now Halle was free to actually enjoy the party that she planned.  

Heading towards the great hall where everyone was, she was intercepted by Bastien.  

“Your Majesty, we have a situation in the kitchen.”

“Liam!”

Bastien held his hands up.  “No-no, it’s not your husband, it’s your son.”

“What happened.”

“We can walk and talk.”

Halle entered her kitchen to find Zuri and Henri passed out by an half-eaten chocolate cake.  

“Zuri!”

“Mamma?” The boy sleepily responded.

“How did you get here?”

“Well we were feeling sleepy and Uncle Maxwell said that if we eat a lot of sugar we can stay awake until midnight.”

“Like the grown-ups,” Henri added.

“Well, how grown up do the two of you feel?”

Zuri groaned, “Well being a grown-up means being tired.”

“My tummy hurts.”

“I bet it does.”

Halle wiped the chocolate frosting smeared on the boys' faces, then put the chocolate cake in the fridge.  While wiping down the counter, she saw a sight that made her stop in her tracks.  Her eyes scanned the liquor cabinet and landed on a full bottle of her favorite, Hennessy Pure White.  Halle smiled.  I am gonna make my way back to you, beloved, she thought to herself.

Halle motioned for Bastien to grab Henri while she grabbed Zuri.  In Zuri’s room, she changed both of them out of their cake soiled pajamas and into clean ones and put them to bed.  She sent Kiara a text letting her know where her son was.  As soon as both boys were sound asleep in their beds, Halle beelined back to the kitchen.  Once there, she found the Hennessy Pure White that was flirting with her earlier.  

“Come to Mama!”

Halle made herself a quick, but potent island punch and rejoined the party upstairs, drink in hand.  

Later on that night a little closer to midnight, Liam was looking for his wife to have a moment alone but had not seen her since she made him hold Asher for a quick bathroom break.  There was a tug on his pant leg.  He looked down to see Lilah trying to get his attention.

“Ready for bed?” He asked picking her up.

She slowly shook her head.  “No. I will make it to midnight like the grown-ups.”

“You do not have to.  If you feel tired, I can tuck you in.  I am sure Zuri is already asleep.”

“I’m okay, papa,” she said before stifling a yawn.

“Let’s go find mamma though.”

“Mamma is over there.”

The room fell quiet as Liam turned his head.  Hana was in front of the baby grand piano while Halle laid atop it.  Halle perked up when Hana started to play the opening bars to a song.  Liam was familiar with the melody, but couldn’t grasp the words or the name.  Then he heard it.

“I believe the children are our future…”

Lilah buried her head in the crook of her father’s neck.

“No, mama, no,” she whined covering her ears.

“Teach them well and let them lead the way.  Show them all the beauty they possess insiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide.”

Hana giggled as Halle drew out that last note but continued her flawless playing.  

“Give them a sense of pride….”

“You have lost all of yours, Halle,” Drake mumbled to himself.  “Question is which bottle of Hennessey took it.”  

Kiara smacked her husband hard on the chest.  He responded with a shrug and finished off the finger of scotch in his glass. Liam moved towards the front of the room holding their daughter, not only to get a better view of the show but to be ready to intervene if things went downhill.  

Halle slid off the piano and approached her husband and daughter, continuing to sing.

“Let the children's laaaaaaaaughter remind us how we used to beeeeeeee.”

She booped Lilah on the nose.  Lilah snuggled into her father more.

“Every–”

“Everybody's searching for a hero,” Maxwell sang joining the Queen.

Halle strode to his side and whispered, My time to shine.

Maxwell whispered back, Sharing is caring.

“People need someone to look up to, I never found anyone who fulfilled my neeeeeeeeeds,” He continued.  “A lonely place to be, and so I learned to depend on meeee.”

Not being one to be outdone or overtaken, Halle cut back in, raising her voice. “I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows.”

Maxwell roared back, “If I fail, if I succeeeeeeeeed, at least I'll live as I believeeeee.”

“No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignityyyyyyy!” Halle sang back, dramatically pointing to her chest.

“The greaaaaaaaatesssssst love of allllllllll–” Maxwell sang.

Halle turned to face him, “Is happening to meeeee!”

Maxwell stepped closer, “I found the greatest love of all, inside of me”

“THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL–”

“IS EASY TO ACHIEVE!”

They both stopped for a moment.  Hana stopped playing once she saw that they went silent.  They stared at each other.  Maxwell was red in the face.  Halle had developed some sweat along her hairline.  When the moment could not get any tenser, they broke down and started laughing.

“Learning to love yourself,” they sang in unison,  “it is the greatest love of all.”

Everyone in the room applauded the impromptu performance.

Maxwell and Halle embraced.  Halle held him close and whispered, we will talk about you leaving my son alone with a sheet cake later.  Maxwell gulped and smiled nervously while everyone applauded.  Hana stood from behind the piano and joined the two of them.  They linked hands and took a final bow.

Halle joined Liam and Lilah.  She gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead as she continued to rest on her father’s shoulder.  

“You wanted to drop the mic and say ‘Sexual Chocolate’ so bad, didn’t you?” Liam whispered.

She let out a disappointed sigh, “No need to rub it in.” He rubbed her back soothing her mild disappointment.

“Oh my God! It’s almost midnight!” Savannah shouted from across the room.

Everyone counted down the final moments of the year.  When the clock struck midnight, the first minute of the new year was filled with the sound of applause, champagne poppers, party horns.  Couples kissed.  Bottles of champagne were opened with loud pops and served to everyone.

Lilah perked up a little during the commotion but quickly returned to sleeping on Liam’s shoulder.  He and Halle brought her to bed before returning to their guests.

The party went on for a little while longer after that and when it was finally over, Liam and Halle were finally alone in the Royal Chambers.  They were in their bed, still awake, despite the long party.  Liam pressed his forehead against Halle’s.  

“Happy new year, my love.”

“Happy new year, my king.”

His hand cupped her face as he dipped down to kiss her.  She pressed herself closer to him returning it.

“We didn’t sneak off during this party to have any time to ourselves,” Halle commented.

“We are alone now.”

“We are.”

Liam yawned, “Want to raincheck in the morning.”

Halle nodded, “Yeah.”

With that, they began the new year the way they planned to spend the rest of their lives, together, in each other’s arms.  

[seungmin-jpeg]

Pocket Stray Kids // Felix

Chan // Woojin // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin

Omg it’s my time to shine 

Or rather die because overload of uwu

This lil freckled pocket person 

Became the biggest source of your joy 

Like wtf

How 

Okay so 

You were living a very boring life 

And you knew it 

Like it was just the same dull thing over and over again 

And it was lowkey making you depressed 

So one day your best friend was like enough 

And pulled you out of your bed early one Saturday morning 

And dragged you to the pocket people store thingie 

You were like “idk”

“Sometimes I can’t even take care of myself how can I handle a pocket person”

But you friend was like 

“Shut up you need this”

So you just went along with it 

Maybe you’d find a loophole and get yourself out of this 

So the two of you walked in 

Or rather 

Your friend dragged you in 

And immediately headed over to the Little spot of pocket people

You honestly tried to find someone that seemed like you would get along with

But you just weren’t feeling it 

Some of them turned their nose up at you 

But most of them just ignored you 

Automatically your low self esteem kicked in 

And you kinda started to panic because no one would want to come home with you let alone get along with you 

Your friend told you to keep looking while she went to go pick something up for her own pocket person 

And you were about to give up 

When suddenly you spotted him 

His little apartment box thing was shoved towards the very back

And blocked by a few others 

But you caught him peeking at you 

Out of one of the corners of his little home 

He looked so cute your heart soared

He wore this cute little black sweatshirt 

And had fluffy orange hair

But mostly

His frecklessssss

Hesitantly 

You moved the other boxes away and pulled his to the front 

He timidly smiled at you and you just 

UWU

He looked so nice and precious 

And he seemed to be genuinely interested in you

And well

With some persuading from your friend 

You were soon setting up a little place for felix in your home

Literally this guy

Instantly became the light of your life

Hes so funny

Cheers you up so much

Does the dumbest things but somehow never gets hurt

Loves playing games on your phone

And he looks so cute doing it

Sings a lot around the house

And you were so shocked the first time

Cause his deep speaking voice and his singing voice didnt match up what

Comes up with cute little raps for all the things you do

Pocket felix brings the mosquito imitation to a whole new level

Literally almost drove you crazy one time

Love love loooooves music

So naturally 

You got him a little piano

And he was soooooooo happy

Plays the most beautiful little songs on his piano

One time he tried to play a song on an actual grand piano

It sounds pretty good for having to jump from key to key

Hes all fun and games but im telling you

This guy has some bomb advice

Will not hesitate to stop and be serious when you need help

Like you wouldnt really see it coming 

But when he needs to he can be more serious and responsible than you sometimes

Somehow managed to make more friends then you

With both regular sized people and pocket people

Youre not even sure how he finds the time

One time he snuck to class with you

That was a wild time

Also one time a cat went after him

And you cried 

But felix just laughed it off

You both wanted a pet

But after the whole cat thing you were like yah no not going there again 

But the two of you ended up getting a little fish

Felix came with you to pick everything out

And you ended up with a pretty light blue and red beta fish

You would find felix just sitting and watching the beta fish swim around the tank for so long

And then one time you walked in and he was freaking swimming in the tank with the beta like wtf

It was a good thing you had showed up tho because he hadnt thought it through all the way

And couldn’t get out of the fish bowl

But he said he didnt regret it and would do it again eventually 

The fish wasnt that far from his size anyways 

It was fun apparently 

You guessed it would be around the same thing as a regular sized person swimming with dolphins 

You soon learned felix was hopelessly in love with autumn and winter

And sweaters 

The boy looooved sweaters 

And hot chocolate and pumpkins and soooooo many other things

Because he had been at the store for so long he hadnt done a lot of things in a long time

So the two of you went and picked apples at an orchard when fall rolled around

And went to a pumpkin patch to pick at the perfect pumpkin to carve

And when the first snow came around you built a snowman

you did all the heavy work and felix but on the face

Felix also made a little baby snowman on the big snowman's shoulder 

Movie nights became a thing ever friday night 

With yummy snacks of course

Watching soccer games was also a big thing for felix

And eventually he joined a pocket people soccer team

Best sport to watch hands down

Also ended up giving both of you more friends 

Needless to say your life become so much less boring 

And you were both so happy

Living life to the fullest 

Thank goodness your best friend made you get a pocket person

[azure-et-aurum-blog]

Olympian Aesthetics - Shintaro

APHRODITE: laughter-loving, sweet smiles, dressed in silk and satin, flower in their hair, thrives on attention, sees the world as a runway, unapologetically sexual, the sea washing their ankles, in love with love, stirrer of passion, cunning concealed by painted lips, secret daggers, doves, revolution in their kiss, delighting in the waves, flirtatious winks, strolling along the beach, staring wistfully from a balcony, this is how to be a heartbreaker, your girlfriend thinks they’re attractive, wants to be adored, gets turned on by danger

APOLLO: glitz and glamour, art galleries, turning the volume up, being made of gold, neatly-organized music sheets, notebooks filled with poetry, bathing in the sunlight, the powerful urge to create, collecting vinyl records, beautiful cover of Wonderwall, playing multiple instruments, tasting like sunshine, healing touch, speaking in prophecies, smile mingled with wrath, shunning lies, sporting shades, hanging out at music festivals with their friends, sleeps naked, arrow to the heart, paint brushes, probably has a Tinder account

ARES: armed for battle, wants to raise a dog with their significant other, soft spot for children, gives piggyback rides, scarred body,blood on their hands and face, willing to fight the world for the ones they love, fights against injustice, warm hugs, well-worn combat boots, boxing gloves, bandages wrapped around bruised knuckles, fist raised in protest, ignites revolutions, fear is a prison, more sensitive than what their tough shell may have you think, exhausted, damaged goods, force to be reckoned with, red roses, curses under their breath

ARTEMIS: keen senses of a hunter, freckles like constellations on their skin, piercing eyes, disheveled braid, moonlight peeking through the shadows, the calm of the forest at night, lying on the grass and staring at the stars, mother doe and her fawn, protecting their kin, the moon shimmering on a still lake, quiver full of arrows resting against the bark of a tree, running with wolves, bonding while circled around a campfire, not being much of a people person, arrow hitting its target, popping egos, patience on 3%, touches heaven and returns howling

ATHENA: discerning gaze, unreadable face, the patience of a life-long teacher, quiet museums, owl perched on their finger, armor that intimidates, eye for architecture, plays the sims for the sole purpose of building houses, studied the blade while everyone else was busy getting laid, big fan of logic, loves brain teasers, go-getter, balls of wool displayed on shelves, ancient buildings, sweaters in neutrals and cool colors, hair done up, can kill you with their brain, heads to the library often to research, sharpened pencils, abs that can cut steel, stoic statues, pottery classes  

DEMETER: soil-covered hands, smile that can bloom flowers, skin loved by the sun, being the mom friend, can lift you and all of your friends, flowers kept in the pockets of overalls, takes pride in their beautiful garden, speaks to their plants, leaves rustling in the wind, stalks of wheat, picking fruit, greenhouses, heart as strong as a mountain, values simplicity, daisies dotted across a collarbone, curls crowned with flowers, folded pile of sweaters in warm hues, pulling out fresh-baked bread out of the oven and the smell wafting through the air

DIONYSUS: drunk shitposter, on their sixth glass of wine before you’ve even finished your second, seductive smirks, untamed curls, rich fabrics on dark skin, sleek-furred panthers, theater masks, stage productions, receiving a standing ovation, rose caught between their teeth, being the baby of the bunch, wild parties that last from sundown to sunup, creeping vines, inspiring loyalty, grand opera houses, masquerade balls, rolls of film, shattered chandeliers with broken glass scattered across the wine-spilled floor, pouring champagne into flutes, lives for the applause

HEPHAESTUS: the calloused hands of someone who knows labor, sweaty brow, flame burning in their eyes, inventive mind, broad shoulders, steampunk goggles, nuts and bolts stored away in little boxes, ashes, striking a match, blueprints for future projects, fixing up a busted up car and giving it cool upgrades, wrestles with bitterness, work boots have seen better years, wrinkled plaid shirts, iron melted by blazing fire, huge jackets, crafting masterpieces, greased-stained overalls, fascination with robotics, pain is fuel, stack of weaponry, even their muscles have muscles

HERA: resting bitch face, dressed to the nines, cows grazing on a pasture, cool rain, loving and hating fiercely, hand clutching a string of pearls, large chandelier with glittering crystals, plays the sims for the sole purpose of killing off their sims, romance to realism, pictures of the sky while flying on a plane, files that under fuck it, downs glasses of wine as they relax with a scented bubble bath and netflix, like their selfie or you’re grounded, knows 57 convenient ways to murder a man, dark eyes that penetrate your soul, marble and gold

HERMES: devil-may-care smile, ink-stained hands, always up-to-date on the latest technology, will steal your french fries, does it for the vine, shitposter, puts googly eyes on everything, meme hoarder, long drives on the highway, ma and pop diners, spontaneous road trips, folded maps, fingers dancing across the keyboard of a laptop, shooting hoops on the basketball court, chatting up strangers as you all journey to your own destinations, goes jogging in the morning,mixes red bull with coffee, menace on april fool’s, hoodies and sneakers    

POSEIDON: storm with skin, colorful coral reefs, waves crashing against the shore, the sea casting its spell, stroking the soft fur of a cat, their heart pounding as their horse’s gentle trot speeds into a gallop, tousled locks, clothes smeared with paint, owns several sketchbooks yet always yearns to own more, leather jackets, fondness for diy projects, handwriting that flows across the page, nimble fingers playing the strings of a violin, velvety singing voice that haunts your dreams, mood as ever-changing as the sea, the roar of a motorcycle, compass with a spinning arrow

ZEUS: thunder in their heart, running on coffee, flash of lightning, natural charisma, eloquence, badass in a nice suit, aficionado of history, force of nature, lenny face, pretends that they don’t have feelings but they do, nightmare-filled nights, proud arm around their lover’s waist, high-rise buildings, planes soaring through a cloudless sky, technician on the piano, maintains order, strong handshake, juggling multiple events on their busy schedule with apparent ease, most likely to be voted class president out of their peers, expensive watch, like a boss

Tagged by @red-dawnbringer and @lady-of-crowns (I guess)

Tagging: @celestial-opposition, @ahlis-xiv, @eastern-skies, @rinrin-rinalys and anyone else that didnt do yet.

[woodsens]

The 12 Worst Types best beginner keyboard piano

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote more than a decade back, the lady who arrived to get recognised only given that the piano teacher available what, in hindsight, seems like an eerie glimpse of her personal foreseeable future.

Im moving absent nowadays to a location so far-off, the place nobody knows my title, she wrote from the lyrics of a song referred to as Shifting.

When she wrote that music, she was young and vivacious, a piano teacher and freelance audio writer who liked Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Appears, lengthy walks and every little thing about The big apple.

On a kind of beloved walks, via Central Park in the bright Sunshine of the June day in 1996, a homeless drifter conquer her and tried to rape her, leaving her clinging to life. Once the assault, the terms to her music came legitimate. She moved absent, away from Ny city, outside of her outdated lifestyle, and all but her closest buddies didn't know her title. To the rest of the environment, she was — like the much more well known jogger attacked in Central Park seven yrs before — an anonymous image of the city nightmare. She was the piano Instructor.

Now, within the 10th anniversary of your attack, she is celebrating what seems to be her total Restoration from brain trauma. She is forty two, married, with a little baby. She is Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano teacher, and he or she hopes to explain to her Tale, her way.

Her medical professional explained to her it will take ten years to Get well, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I come to feel my everyday living continues to be redefined by Central Park, she claimed a number of days in the past, her voice delicate and hopeful. Just before park; following park. Will there at any time certainly be a time Once i dont think, Oh, this is the 10th anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch household in a very wooded subdivision inside a The big apple suburb. She sat inside of a eating area strewn with toys, surrounded by images of her cherubic, darkish-haired 2-yr-aged daughter. A Steinway grand stuffed 50 percent the room, and at a single position she sat down and performed. Her playing was forceful, but she seemed humiliated to play various bars, and shrugged, as opposed to answering, when asked the title from the piece. She requested that her daughter and her city not be named.

She calls that day, June 4, 1996, the day when I was damage.

Hers was the very first in a string of assaults by precisely the same man on 4 women about 8 times. The last sufferer, Evelyn Alvarez, 65, was crushed to Demise as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleansing store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in jail.

Still the assault over the piano Instructor would be the one particular people feel to remember probably the most. Part of the fascination must do with echoes in the 1989 assault over the Central Park jogger. But Additionally, it frightened men and women in a way the attack within the jogger didn't simply because its situations have been so mundane.

It didn't happen in a very distant part of the park late during the night, but in close proximity to a well known playground at 3 inside the afternoon. It could have occurred to anybody. The stress was heightened by the thriller with the piano teachers id.

For three times, as law enforcement and Medical doctors experimented with to see who she was, she lay inside a coma in her clinic bed, nameless. Her moms and dads were on trip and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Last but not least, among her pupils regarded a law enforcement sketch and was able to detect her from the clinic by her fingers, mainly because her face was swollen beyond recognition. The law enforcement did not release her name.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is offering a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Road, then Placing her very long hair inside of a ponytail and going out to get a walk. She won't try to remember the attack, Though she has read the accounts from the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its similar to a actuality I learned and memorized, she said. Just as if I have been a pupil in school studying record.

She won't take into consideration The person who did it. I may need been angry for any minute, although not much longer than that, she mentioned. How could I be offended at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I assume by our expectations he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her health care provider at Ny Healthcare facility-Cornell Healthcare Heart, as it was identified in 1996, informed reporters that she experienced a 10 per cent possibility of survival. Medical practitioners experienced to get rid of her forehead bone, which was later replaced, to produce home for her swelling Mind. When her mother manufactured a community attract pray for my daughter, countless numbers did.

Soon after 8 times, she arrived outside of a coma, to start with inside a vegetative state, then in the childlike state. As she recovered, she slept minor and talked consistently, sometimes in gibberish. I used to be having mad at folks after they didnt reply to these words and phrases, she claimed.

Like an Alzheimers affected individual, she had very little brief-term memory and would ignore guests once they remaining the space.

More than various months, she had to relearn the way to walk, gown, examine and produce. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, frequented every day to Perform guitar for her. He encouraged her to Engage in the piano, in opposition to the recommendation of her Bodily therapists, who believed she would be pissed off by her lack of ability to Enjoy just how she at the time had. Mr. Scherr performed Beatles duets with her, participating in the still left-hand portion though she performed the correct.

That was my best therapy, she said.

In August, she moved again residence to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mother, a schoolteacher. She visited outdated haunts and named friends, striving to restore her shattered memory. I used to be pretty obsessed with remembering, she mentioned. Any memory reduction was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists believed her development was fantastic, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced lost the opportunity to cry, just as if a faucet within her brain had been turned off. A person evening, 9 months just after she was harm, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham Motion picture A The perfect time to Get rid of. Just immediately after her father experienced long gone to bed, she viewed a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two Gentlemen who had raped his younger daughter.

The faucet opened, plus the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my mom and dad, my father, and what they went by means of, she explained. Minimal by tiny, my experience returned, my depth of mind returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back to highschool and acquired a masters diploma in tunes schooling.

Not every thing went nicely. She and Mr. Scherr split up 5 years following the assault, even though they continue to be good friends. She dated other Guys, but she usually instructed them regarding the assault straight away — she couldn't aid it, she mentioned — they usually hardly ever known as for the second date.

We have to uncover you anyone, her Mate David Phelps, a guitar participant, said four yrs ago, in advance of introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and amateur drummer. For once, she didn't say just about anything with regard to the assault till she acquired to grasp Mr. McCann, and after that when she did, he admired her strength.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had normally frequented her at her bedside when she was inside the healthcare facility, married them in his Times Sq. office. She wore a blue gown and pearls. Whilst she was pregnant, within a burst of creativeness, she and her mates recorded Even though Were being Youthful, an album of childrens songs that she experienced prepared ahead of the attack, including the tune Transferring. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, developed the CD. On it, her partner plays drums and she plays electric piano.

Is her life as it absolutely was? Not accurately, nevertheless she's unwilling to attribute the discrepancies to her injuries. Her previous two piano college students still left her, without the need of calling to explain why, she stated. She has resumed taking part in classical new music, but simple pieces, for the reason that her daughter would not give her time and energy to exercise. As for jazz, I dont even attempt, she claimed.

She wish to generate far more, sensation stranded within the suburbs, but she is definitely rattled. She tries to be articles with staying dwelling and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a medical professor of neurological operation at what is now identified as New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Clinical Center, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann after the attack, said last week that her amount of recovery was rare. Shes basically usual, he said.

Other specialists, who're not personally accustomed to Ms. Kevorkian McCanns case, are more careful.

Regaining the ability to play the piano might contain an Practically mechanical method, a semiautomatic remember of what the fingers ought to do, mentioned Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of scientific rehabilitation medication at New York College School of Medication. When brain-wounded, you happen to be always brain-injured, for the rest of your lifetime, Dr. Ben-Yishay stated. There's no overcome, There exists only intensive compensation.

The greater telling Portion of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that rating he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns relationship and kid as a major victory.

For her aspect, the piano teacher understands she has changed, but she has designed her peace with it. I was type of a hyper —— I dont know if I used to be a Type A, but I was bold, she claims. Why was I so formidable? I used to be a piano Trainer. I dont really know what the ambition was about. I actually did return to the person Im purported to be.

[homestuckcanonconfirmer]

Will best keyboard for beginners

Correction Appended

On an album of bittersweet childrens music that she wrote more than ten years in the past, the girl who arrived to generally be recognized only given that the piano Instructor supplied what, in hindsight, seems like an eerie glimpse of her very own future.

Im shifting away currently to a location so far away, wherever no person is aware of my name, she wrote during the lyrics of the song known as Shifting.

When she wrote that music, she was young and vivacious, a piano Instructor and freelance new music author who liked Beethoven and jazz, sunsets and river Seems, extensive walks and every thing about The big apple.

On one of those beloved walks, by Central Park in the bright Sunlight of a June working day in 1996, a homeless drifter beat her and made an effort to rape her, leaving her clinging to existence. Following the attack, the words and phrases to her music came real. She moved away, out of New York City, outside of her outdated daily life, and all but her closest good friends did not know her title. To the rest of the entire world, she was -- like the far more well-known jogger attacked in Central Park seven several years previously -- an nameless symbol of the urban nightmare. She was the piano Trainer.

Now, about the 10th anniversary from the assault, she's celebrating what is apparently her comprehensive recovery from brain trauma. She is 42, married, with a small baby. She's Kyle Kevorkian McCann, the piano teacher, and she or he really wants to tell her Tale, her way.

Her medical doctor advised her it would just take a decade to Recuperate, and Sunday was that talismanic anniversary. I sense my everyday living has long been redefined by Central Park, she reported various times in the past, her voice soft and hopeful. Prior to park; soon after park. Will there ever certainly be a time After i dont Assume, Oh, Here is the 10th anniversary, the eleventh anniversary?

She spoke in her modest ranch dwelling within a wooded subdivision in a very Ny suburb. She sat within a eating space strewn with toys, surrounded by pictures of her cherubic, darkish-haired two-year-old daughter. A Steinway grand filled 50 percent the place, and at a single level she sat down and played. Her participating in was forceful, but she appeared embarrassed to Engage in quite a lot of bars, and shrugged, rather then answering, when asked the title of the piece. She asked that her daughter and her town not be named.

She phone calls that day, June four, 1996, the day After i was hurt.

Hers was the very first inside of a string of attacks by exactly the same man on 4 Females more than 8 days. The last victim, Evelyn Alvarez, 65, was crushed to Loss of life as she opened her Park Avenue dry-cleaning store, and ultimately, the assailant, John J. Royster, was convicted of murder and sentenced to existence in prison.

But the attack over the piano teacher is definitely the just one people today appear to keep in mind by far the most. Portion of the fascination has got to do with echoes in the 1989 attack within the Central Park jogger. But Furthermore, it frightened folks in a method the assault around the jogger didn't simply because its situations ended up so mundane.

It did not happen inside of a distant Component of the park late during the night, but in close proximity to a preferred playground at three inside the afternoon. It might have happened to anyone. The strain was heightened from the thriller with the piano teachers identification.

For three times, as police and Health professionals tried out to find out who she was, she lay in a very coma in her healthcare facility mattress, anonymous. Her mothers and fathers ended up on vacation and her boyfriend, also a musician, was in Europe, on tour. Last but not least, certainly one of her college students identified a law enforcement sketch and was in a position to discover her inside the hospital by her fingers, for the reason that her confront was swollen further than recognition. The law enforcement did not launch her identify.

The very last thing she remembers about June 4, 1996, is offering a lesson in her studio condominium on West 57th Avenue, then putting her extensive hair inside of a ponytail and heading out to get a wander. She does not keep in mind the attack, Even though she has heard the accounts with the law enforcement and prosecutors.

To me its just like a point I realized and memorized, she claimed. Like I have been a college student in school studying record.

She won't give thought to The person who did it. I might need been angry to get a instant, although not a lot longer than that, she reported. How could I be indignant at John Royster? He was declared not crazy, but I guess by our specifications he was.

Dr. Jamshid Ghajar, her health care provider at The big apple Clinic-Cornell Health-related Center, as it absolutely was acknowledged in 1996, told reporters that she had a 10 per cent potential for survival. Physicians experienced to eliminate her forehead bone, which was later replaced, to generate home for her swelling Mind. When her mother designed a public attract pray for my daughter, hundreds did.

After eight days, she arrived outside of a coma, initial in a vegetative condition, then in a childlike point out. As she recovered, she slept minimal and talked constantly, sometimes in gibberish. I had been obtaining mad at individuals whenever they didnt reply to these words and phrases, she said.

Like an Alzheimers individual, she had little short-expression memory and would forget about people when they left the room.

Over a number of months, she had to relearn the way to walk, costume, study and publish. Her boyfriend, Tony Scherr, visited every day to Enjoy guitar for her. He encouraged her to play the piano, against the recommendation of her Actual physical therapists, who thought she might be disappointed by her incapacity to Engage in the way she after experienced. Mr. Scherr played Beatles duets along with her, playing the still left-hand section whilst she performed the correct.

That was my most effective therapy, she claimed.

In August, she moved back again property to New Jersey, together with her father, an engineer, and mom, a schoolteacher. She visited aged haunts and called close friends, striving to restore her shattered memory. I used to be very obsessive about remembering, she said. Any memory decline was to me an indication of abnormality or deficit.

Her therapists assumed her development was great, but her two sisters protested that she wasn't the deep thinker she had been.

What bothered her most was that she experienced dropped the ability to cry, as if a faucet inside of her Mind were turned off. A person evening, nine months just after she was hurt, she stayed up late to look at the John Grisham Film A Time for you to Eliminate. Just just after her father had long gone to mattress, she watched a courtroom scene of Samuel Jacksons character on trial for killing two Gentlemen who had raped his youthful daughter.

The faucet opened, and also the tears trickled down her cheeks. I thought about my mothers and fathers, my father, and whatever they went by way of, she explained. Minor by small, my experience returned, my depth of intellect returned.

Urged by her sisters, she went back to high school and acquired a masters diploma in new music schooling.

Not almost everything went well. She and Mr. Scherr split up five years once the assault, however they remain mates. She dated other men, but she often instructed them about the assault instantly -- she couldn't help it, she mentioned -- plus they never ever referred to as to get a next day.

We've to search out you an individual, her Good friend David Phelps, a guitar player, stated four yrs back, before introducing her to Liam McCann, a pc technician and newbie drummer. For after, she didn't say just about anything in regards to the assault right until she bought to learn Mr. McCann, and after that when she did, he admired her toughness.

Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, who had often visited her at her bedside whilst she was within the hospital, married them in his Times Square office. She wore a blue gown and pearls. While she was pregnant, in a burst of creativity, she and her mates recorded When Were Youthful, an album of childrens tracks that she experienced published ahead of the attack, such as the music Shifting. Her ex-boyfriend, Mr. Scherr, made the CD. On it, her spouse performs drums and she or he plays electrical piano.

Is her daily life as it had been? Not specifically, however she's reluctant to attribute the differences to her injuries. Her last two piano pupils still left her, without calling to elucidate why, she stated. She has resumed enjoying classical tunes, but uncomplicated items, for the reason that her daughter doesn't give her time for you to follow. As for jazz, I dont even try, she stated.

She would like to generate extra, emotion stranded while in the suburbs, but she is easily rattled. She tries to be articles with being property and caring for her daughter.

Dr. Ghajar, a scientific professor of neurological operation at precisely what is now known as NewYork-Presbyterian Healthcare facility/Weill Cornell Professional medical Middle, who operated on Ms. Kevorkian McCann once the assault, stated past week that her level of Restoration was scarce. Shes mainly normal, he mentioned.

Other professionals, who are not personally informed about Ms. Kevorkian McCanns situation, are more cautious.

Regaining a chance to play the piano might entail an Practically mechanical procedure, a semiautomatic recall of exactly what the fingers have to do, mentioned Dr. Yehuda Ben-Yishay, a professor of scientific rehabilitation medicine at Ny College School of Drugs. The moment Mind-wounded, you're generally brain-wounded, For the remainder of your daily life, Dr. Ben-Yishay said. There is not any cure, There may be only intensive payment.

The more telling Portion of a Restoration, in his perspective, is psychological, and on that rating he counts Ms. Kevorkian McCanns marriage and youngster as a substantial victory.

For her part, the piano Instructor appreciates she has adjusted, but she has manufactured her peace with it. I was form of a hyper ---- I dont know if I used to be a kind A, but I used to be formidable, she states. Why was I so formidable? I used to be a piano teacher. I dont really know what the ambition was about. I really did come back to the individual Im designed to be.

Correction: June thirteen, 2006, Tuesday An post on Thursday about Kyle Kevorkian McCann, a piano teacher who was overwhelmed and sexually assaulted a decade in the past in Central Park, misstated the title of her album of childrens songs. It can be Even though Were being Young, not When Have been Young.

[adelaidecity]

Inside Jamie Oliver's lavish lifestyle

Jamie Olivers business is in big trouble. But judging by his multimillion-dollar assets and massive personal wealth, the British celebrity chef will be just fine. The 43-year-old has a net worth of $440 million (240 million pounds), and prior to news that his chain of 25 eateries across the UK had gone into administration, he and his wife Jools flaunted a lavish lifestyle on social media. The Oliver family lives in a Grade-II listed $16.3 million Hampstead Heath mansion with a sprawling back garden, enormous play room for their five kids and a baby grand piano. Oliver pumped some of his millions $24 million, in fact into his Italian chain, but it wasnt enough. He said in a statement this week he was deeply saddened by the chains collapse. I appreciate how difficult this is for everyone affected. About 1300 Jamies Italian employees are at risk of losing their jobs. The celebrity chefs finances are sure to take a hit, although documents show the couples personal assets are not put at risk by the bankruptcy of the business. Photographs shared by Jools on Instagram show the pair living a luxurious lifestyle with their children Poppy, 17, Daisy, 16, Petal, 10, Buddy Bear, eight, and River, two. RELATED: How it went wrong for Jamie Olivers restaurants

media_cameraSource: Instagram Their massive property has a wide gravel entrance and plant life growing all around the North London home:

media_cameraSource: Instagram The Olivers also have an enormous back garden, with a scenic and spacious seating area for picnics, family meals and even studying:

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram In September 2017, the pair shared a photo of a freestanding bathtub in the middle of a spotless plush-tiled bathroom:

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram The five Oliver children have a very comfortable life. Many photos show them in what looks like a kids paradise snuggled up in life-size cubby houses, learning to play music on a baby grand piano, and cuddling one another in big comfortable beds with velvet headboards:

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram Having risen to fame two decades ago with his BBC show The Naked Chef, its only fair to assume the multi-millionaire has a fancy kitchen. Jools has shared glimpses of the familys well-fitted kitchen, including an old snap of the kids celebrating the 2016 New Year at a large wooden table, showing its the perfect spot for parties:

media_cameraSource: Instagram

media_cameraSource: Instagram Some of the staff from the doomed restaurant business have slammed the celebrity chef, saying he wont be affected by the chains failure. Im really angry because Jamie wont be the one looking for a job and struggling to pay his bills, itll be poor saps like us who worked for him, one employee told The Sun. He and his management team got greedy. They believed their own hype and thought theyd make billions without investing in the business. The staff member claimed they were sacked by conference call just 30 minutes before the announcement that Jamies Italian Limited had appointed KPMG as administrators. WHY DID OLIVERS BUSINESS GO UNDER? As his business spiralled further into debt, last year Oliver himself admitted he honestly (didnt) know why it was failing but speculated a perfect storm of rents, rates, the high street declining, food costs, Brexit, (and) increase in the minimum wage was to blame. While those things certainly played a part Olivers is one of several restaurant large chains to collapse in the UK in recent years changing consumer tastes are a major factor. Seeking unique experiences and something to brag about on social media diners are increasingly shunning cut-and-paste eateries for high-end restaurants that offer a bespoke experience. Or at the other end of the spectrum, pop-up and food hall-style venues that offer good value, variety and are seen as more authentic.

media_cameraJamie Oliver said he was "devastated" to announce that his restaurant group had collapsed. Oliver rapidly grew but failed to evolve his offering since the launch of Jamies Italian in 2008, followed by the Recipease cooking school and deli chain in 2009 and barbecue chain Barbecoa in 2011, off the back of his The Naked Chef fame. Tough economic conditions post-Brexit, namely shaky consumer confidence and a falling pound, may have also hindered the restaurant chain. In 2017, after making the decision to shutter six Jamies Italian restaurants, Oliver in part blamed Brexit for his companys financial difficulties. Last year Oliver admitted his businesss plunge into debt had taken him by surprise. We had simply run out of cash, he told the Financial Times of bailing out his restaurant group. We hadnt expected it. This is just not normal, in any business. You have quarterly meetings. You do board meetings. People supposed to manage that stuff should manage that stuff. Oliver had suffered serious losses long before Brexit though. In 2014, he was forced to close his chain of four traditional British restaurants, Union Jacks, citing a challenging climate. The chef was also hit by a series of PR blunders, including a chef using frozen gnocchi from a packet at a Sydney restaurant, and a lucrative partnership with oil giant Shell, which many saw as a betrayal of his support for climate change action. But at the end of the day, with 23 cookbooks, appearances in more than 20 cooking shows and a massive personal brand, it looks like the Olivers will be just fine. Originally published as Inside Jamie Olivers lavish lifestyle https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/lifestyle/food/inside-jamie-olivers-lavish-lifestyle-and-multimilliondollar-home/news-story/8f45c46b9acc4bae4a88b2206bcb1395?from=htc_rss

[filmery]

Stream of Consciousness

from Iron Man

****WATCH OUT FOR LOTS OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS****

fav marvel opener- flipping comic book pages -never read any whoops

no one is wearing black- back in black

sexist- driver woman

rdj is =iron man

peace sign kid holds- he dies so thats why tony does peace sign

"older guy cant work camera" clishe

uggggh shaky camera

why was he with the troops/ not in helicopter?

zoom into bomb fast- GREAT fast comedic moment just before sadness

he shud not have been conscious after explosion that close

WTF IS THAT UNDER HIS SHIRT WTF- IFITS ARMOR IT SHULD PROTECT HIM

al quaeda to soon

so hes steve jobs- made a frikin computer in his garage

ewww rbj with no beard- bad cgi :( cant u just shave and get over urself?

yes weapons are the key to peace hahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahaha

rip terrence howard as rhody

"too cool for award" cliche

"bald guy is bad" cliche

"hes always working" uhhh besides a few montages.... no he really just parties

only talks to cute girls....... uggggh

military funding? ha more like military debt ahahahahah 20 trillion is iron mans fault

jarvis is wing man after one night stand???? idve thought hed think tony was cheating lol

"girl wakes up with just guys shirt" cliche

"guy wakes up and leaves before girl wakes up" cliche

cat fight ha+2 points

literal and figurative island haha

so tony aint smart, he just uses jarvis

he obvi doesnt know how t4he faa works

i was gonna get REAL mad if tony didnt buy a painting cuz it was "too expensive" but we good

tonys a dick

yet pepper finds him attractive

ksorry

yaaaas rhody calling him a baby cuz he FING IS

im pretty sure laser shows in airplanes are illegal

"im not drinking them gets drunk" cliche

in my opinion from what ive collected, you cant be feared AND respected. fear takes over and you do things based on fear, not fromrespect - also how will blowing up people help them respect you? unless youre talking about getting respect from those u protect and those u kill cuz thats completely differeent then

"i respectfully disagree" or do you "fearfully disagree"

starts out as all techno talk, then turns into baby talk wtf

that shock wave conviently stopped right after it hit them

montage of painful surgeyr cliche

ewww that pipe in his nose as groooooooss

"dont do that but dontexplain" cliche

the dude cant understand english how did he know that tony refused????

why tf wouldnt u test it ANYWHERE BUT THE MIDDLE EAST?????

why cant they just wait and order the missile

k so this scene is srs and all but WATCHING HIM CARRYING THE CAR BATTERY IS SOOOO FuNNY I CANT

"no he wont" OK NOW U CANT UNDERSTAND U POS

"theyll never find u" cliche

why is his friend here?

how does he know how to build it? tbh he probs just had jarvis do it back home

how does the gov not know hes selling weapons to terrorists? we cant be that corrupt can we?

so hes building his ring thing but they DONT FING NOTICE THATS THERES NO MISSILES AT AlL??????

and they didnt question them the entire time

lemme peek but not go in and investigate

"i have steady hands" and then he crashes his car and LOOK! Doctro strange!

when a speech starts with a history lesson, u know its been rehearsed u poser

honestly... hot coal in mouth- worst way to die fml

props to marvel for not telling how fast theyre moving so i cant bust them for not being able to get it done

why the circle around the chest thing

wouldt one of their rules to be able to see u at all times

ctrl i is italicize hahahaha

why did the lights shut off but no the clearly hookedup laptop?

i enjoy the rock music as background music- not ur stereotypical ( yet awesome) hans zimmer score

yaaaaaas bitches run

gun shootsthen rebounds onto him- pretty sure thats not how physics work

if anyone should die, its tony tbh that whiny bithc

-2 for killing an actual good guy

how does not one of those bullets penetrate his suit?

----not enough use of the word penetreate

k no theyd keep shooting

tony: everythings on fire and im dying

ouchie that giant fall

how does he know hose helis are good?

DONT TOUCH HIS SUNBURNT AND BLISTERING SHOULDERS RHODY EWWWW

+2 for cheeseburger yas

-2 for burger king ew

doesnt sheild deal with aliens not terrorists?

newsreels? hes not THAT old

+10000 for ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILTY WOOOOO

k hes obvi doing the best thing here and now everyone gets pissed for him TRYING TO SAVE PEOPLES LIVES EHY IS THAT BAD?????? HE ALREADY HAS a shit otn of money LET HIM BE

fuck u and ur segway obidiah

the other thing..... dont put ur name on it

jokes on u! it was alqueade

+100 for mad money reference!!!!!

...so pepper didnt know about it so whyd he blame her for .3 seconds?

pepper is useless omg PUT YOUR HANDS IN HIS CHEST

why did he say dont take out the magnet but all of a sudden u dont need it?

i wonder if they actually built robots for tonys btterfingers

rhodeys we need pilots speech was just proven again by the aircraft landing in the hudson

so non military= humanitarian now? and if so why that bad?

honestly surprised that jarvis isnt some hot lady voice

k raza with sunglasses= morpheus

why is the mask the most vital part for raza?

tony crashing into wall is why u should ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET KIDS

obadiah is NOT playing the piano

+2 for not trusting obidiah

daaaamn if thats 1% whats 100% capacity

and he still doesnt wear a helmet

k his eye holes are so small how can he actually see?

run before walking leads to lots of problems later in life tony

at leaast he checked atc

goddammkit u made smol child drop ice cream

beginners luck

rip that baby grand he probs didnt know how to play

+2 for that fire extinguisher

+50 for Pepper being a cutie with that gift

how does tony not have his liscence revoked? hes a shit driver and can hire a chaffeur

STAN LEE BABE

RIP COLESON OMG :'(

so just fire pepper and marry her

pepper is totally right and tony should seperate who actually matter to him

how is a lot of olives 3?

im not my company- THEN TAKE UR NAME OFF HOE

no, modern day hell s walking those 15 miles and watching a car and heli and camera lady who are fine and can get there in 20 minutes

i sincerely hope that these footages were planned and not real

is this the news or a documentary?

just realized he never gave pepper her drink lol

yeah, let the kids watch their dad get shot thats fine omg

after that hit, he looks like a lion

why did he say colonel rhodes form weapons development? that name isnt that common

there was 0 time for radio contact omg

the only thing i could think during this scene was SERPENTINE SERPENTINE SERPENTINE

k now im getting a lil tired of the electric guitar

finally obi has been outted geez

im feeling some west side story WITH snaps

why is raza telling obi what he ALREADY KNOWS CUZ THEYVE BEEN IN CONTACT

how has no one noticed that obi just GOES TO THE MIDDLE EAST LIKE ALL THE TIME

this scene between pepper and tony is THE MOTHER of cliched lines

WHY DIDNT SHE SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER STUPID WEIRDO

he tried to push his hair back hahahaHAHAHAHAHhaha

not scraps obi.... he had his own stuff

im just imagining obi hidig under toys couch haha

that dick took his shirt!!!

yaas beethoven reference

props to makeup people for his paralysis on point!

sorry but paralysis seems to me like U CANT FING MOVE TONY

i thought the old reactor needed a magnet

OF ALL THE CARS TO STEAL RHODY YOU STEAL THE AUDI

goddman all these chains

JUMP SCARE COMING HAHA I KNEW IT

-2 awful jump scare

yes middle age mom- honk at the GIANT FING ROBOT

nooo not the hydrogen powered bus!

gooood iron freezes before stainless tell

daaamn obi is a real bad shot

and radiation now floods the malibu land area and thosands are illed thanks to tonys reactor

sk glad hes corrected the mediait aint iron

coleson never briefed tham

that was longer than 90 seconds

iron man- STOP TRYING TO BE BATMAN

great ending 10/10

affter credit scene: 10/10 avengers yay

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17th February 2019

We have a new #1, and a very busy week before the BRITs. Let’s get on with it.

Top 10

As I said, there’s a new #1 hit today on the UK Singles Chart – for its first week on both the #1 spot and the chart overall (Yup, it is a debut), it’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” by Ariana Grande, becoming her 18th Top 40 hit and fifth #1 (Second to debut at the spot this year). This is because of her incredibly successful thank u, next album, which was the most-streamed album of all time for a female artist, and is currently occupying all top three spots on the Billboard Hot 100 in America. Now that’s impressive, although it did sell a bit less than I thought at more than 300k+... also the album sucked, it was a strong four at best. I’ll talk more about it later.

This means that Ariana Grande has blocked herself at #1, in fact has pushed herself off, as “7 rings” is down a spot to number-two.

Surprisingly, Lewis Capaldi enters the top three with “Someone You Loved”, up six spots to number-three. The album’s out soon so expect this to hit the top.

Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” is down one space to number-four.

At number-five is where Mabel stays since last week, with “Don’t Call Me Up”.

Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man’s “Giant” is down two spaces to number-six.

Also down one space to number-seven is “Wow.” by Post Malone.

Now we have our second top 10 debut by Ariana Grande, “needy”, also from the album thank u, next. It’s at number-eight, and is Grande’s 19th Top 40 hit and 12th Top 10 hit. We’ll talk more about it later.

Unfortunately due to Grande and Capaldi, two good songs are barely hanging on at the end of the top 10. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” is down one space to number-nine.

Billie Eilish’s “bury a friend” is also down three spaces to #10, rounding off our top 10.

Climbers

Well, there’s more than I expected to be on this week specifically, but there’s not all too many. “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is up five spots to #13, probably because of the video, while possibly due to awards season, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow” is also up five spots to #21, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi is up 14 spaces to #26. Then we have recent debuts like “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine up seven spots to #27, “a lot” by 21 Savage featuring J. Cole up seven spots to #29 and “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan up six spaces to #33, all of which I’m rooting for.

Fallers

I expected a LOT of these due to the sheer amount of new arrivals (There’s seven), and I mean, eh, we got some, mostly due to streaming cuts though. After a couple weeks, the UK Singles Chart makes the importance of streaming in a song’s chart placement lessen, if that makes sense, and this has happened to “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max down nine spaces to #11, Post Malone and Swae Lee’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse cut “Sunflower” down 13 spaces to #23, and potentially “Without Me” by Halsey down 11 spots to #28, this week. Otherwise, well, we have the fortunate five-space fall for “Undecided” by Chris Brown to #25, and falls for The Weeknd and Gesaffelstein with “Lost in the Fire” down 11 spaces to #35, as well as Kehlani and Ty Dolla $ign’s “Nights Like This” down eight spots to #38. I’m almost sad that song didn’t drop 15 spaces so I could make one of those awful quips about Ty Dolla $ign serving 15 years in prison for cocaine possession.

Dropouts

Streaming cuts also hurt “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee, out from #27 (Peaking at #17), while “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is out from #38 (Peaking at #1) – about time. Oh, I might as well say that whilst “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande did drop out from #28 (Peaking at #1), it’s not because it’s less popular now, it’s because that there are at least three more popular songs from the thank u, next album, and that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows at once. This is a good rule because it prevents album bombs, but it means the chart is less accurate in actually showing what people are listening to. I bet that song comes back next week anyway. Oh, and there’s more drop-outs: We have “Leave Me Alone” by Flipp Dinero out from #38 (Peaking at #30), “Saturday Nights” by Khalid out from #35 (Peaking at #31) and “18HUNNA” by Headie One and Dave out from #32 (Peaking at #6). These are all premature, so expect these come back, or at least one of them. Fredo’s “All I Ever Wanted” featuring Dave is out from #15 (Peaking at #15) after the album’s hype died down, whilst streaming cuts have pushed both “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra out from #23 (Peaking at #8) and “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Offset and Travis Scott out from #21 (Peaking at #7) off the chart.

Returning Entries

The only returning entry this week is due to the tragic death of rapper Cadet at 25, whose passing has caused his song with Deno Driz, “Advice”, to return at #36. Rest in peace. Now, on a lighter note, here are our returning entries:

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Thotiana” – Blueface

Hell yeah, Blueface, baby. Okay, so you know Blueface, don’t even say you don’t – you’re a filthy liar if so, because he has been all over the Internet due to viral videos of him rapping, because he doesn’t tend to rap conventionally, and he often has funny one-liners. There are purposeful off-beat moments throughout his songs, especially “Deadlocs”, but it’s mostly just inspiration from people like E-40 who would rap in a different way when they came across a beat that fit their unorthodox flow. Anyways, despite his most on-beat song to date, “Bleed It”, being an obvious contender for breakout hit, it seems like “Thotiana” has got the most traction, and hence, here it is. It’s been in the top 40 in the US for a couple weeks, and has got remixes from Desiigner, YG and even Cardi B (Who, by the way, absolutely kills it with an outrageous and hilarious verse, which I unfortunately can’t repeat any lines from because Tumblr might flag me with an adult content restriction – yeah, they’re that nasty). Despite that, it seems to be that the original version is the one that landed in the top 40. It’s obviously his first hit, and, to be honest, I love it to death. It’s barely two minutes and only consists of gliding pianos and smooth keys under a West Coast beat (With some banging percussion), as well as a slightly shrill synth, yet it feels so full, probably because of Blueface and all his ad-libs, including the iconic “Yeah, aight”. The hook is insanely catchy and beyond the meme, Blueface’s flow is great, somewhat complex at points and borders on spoken word in his verse, with so many references of what he says being “on the gang” that you’d think he has a verbal tic. This probably isn’t his funniest or most memorable song but it is a damn great one. Oh, but there’s also this:

Ain’t no runnin’, Thotiana, you gon’ take these damn strokes

Uh, yeah, well, um... Yikes, okay, I’m just going to leave it there. Great song, check it out. Check out the Cardi B remix though, it’s even better.

#37 – “Breathe” – CamelPhat and Cristoph featuring Jem Cooke

Damn, CamelPhat, I love these guys. Every song they’ve released that hit the charts has been some of the best EDM I’ve heard come out of the UK electronic scene in years, and they know how to make a fun, catchy dance song feel cinematic and in the case of songs like “Cola” with Elderbrook, almost avant-garde.  A lot of UK dance by more obscure names has hit the charts last year, and impressed me as well, especially Loud Luxury, so I’m excited to see what CamelPhat have got up their sleeves this time for their third top 40 hit, and the first for Cristoph and Jem Cooke.

Yeah, so, this feels oddly 90s at the start, with those nice warm synths, then the indie-pop singer of the week comes in with her raspy voice covered in reverb, with pretty much no build-up before we get to a deep bassline and finger-snaps come in, almost like a sped-up Chicago house beat. The beat increases in intensity with a higher pitched bass as the chorus comes in but there’s not really a drop, just a continuation of the instrumental, because it still feels restrained and isolated, despite the theatricality of the whole ordeal, and that really fits the title because it’s an anxious song, and it takes a damn long while for that tension release to come in. Unlike “breathin” by Ariana Grande from last year, that was also about anxiety and self-help, this isn’t repetitive to a fault, rather while Jem Cooke yells at herself that she needs her to breathe again, the beat is almost like a train pushing down the tracks and the finale climax when her vocals echo, “Again, again, again, again”, is the train hitting her and killing her. Grande’s song was a pump-up anthem but this is just a pure burst of self-frustration hurled at the listener, and while it’s nowhere near as good as “Panic Room” in expressing panic, isolation and anxiety (Yeah, it is kind of a retread), this is still pretty great.

#34 – “Who Do You Love” – The Chainsmokers featuring 5 Seconds of Summer

Oh, these seven guys again. Look, I like enough of both of these artists’ songs to give them a pass, but a collaborative single between the two is just a mediocrity sandwich. It’s not going to be anything interesting or new or even worthwhile, it’s just going to be a two-dude EDM duo producing for one dude called Luke or something with four other dudes (Who supposedly play instruments on any of their singles – yeah, right). This is the Chainsmokers’ ninth top 40 single in the UK and 5 Seconds of Summer’s ninth as well, and it kind of sucks. What a surprise. We start off promising with distorted piano, a deep 808 bass and what sounds like a high-pitched, siren-like guitar, with Luke crooning, until... it has an acoustic breakdown in which Luke has too many vocal effects put onto him for it to work, and he sounds too fast, like a lot of these EDM guys make people sound like... until, that weak drop with an unfitting build-up. It just sounds like all five seconds saying “Blam-blam, hoopty-doopty, doo-doo” in unison over some cloudy synths and an ugly bass wobble. I know that’s the point, but this song is supposed to be taken seriously, and I don’t think any of the seven dudes involved noticed that at any point. Chainsmokers, guys, you’ll never top “Everybody Hates Me” (Note that their best song isn’t supposed to be taken seriously... or at least I hope not). Blech, I hope this goes away, this really is not worth any staying power.

#30 – “Just You and I” – Tom Walker

Both this and his other song, “Leave a Light On”, were featured in advertisements, boosting their place on the charts. This one has an album attached to it. That should tell you all you need to know about boring singer-songwriter, Tom Walker, trying to get on that “Genuine white guitarist man” money that Rag’n’Bone Man and Ed Sheeran currently store in the safe, although unlike those two, he’s more electronic and more plastic. He’s a rip-off? Yeah. Is he an industry plant? I mean, I don’t like that term, but it sure seems like it. If not, he’s just marketed perfectly. Anyway, this song is his second top 40 hit and some fake acoustic guitar and fake handclaps complement Tom Walker’s slightly nasal and... mildly urban-Irish (???) voice and the piano... and yeah, no, it doesn’t exist. I hear this song and nothing witty is produced, there’s nothing of interest in my brain, I feel like my ears have just had a long string of nothing twisted through them. The “Drop” is just a chorus, this time, although it still feels like a drop because Walker isn’t saying anything of interest. Oh, yeah, and the two parts of the chorus feel really jankily attached, it’s like two halves of a chorus put together. Next.

#16 – “Talk” – Khalid and Disclosure

Oh, hey, a great song by two amazing artists, that’s good to see. So, this is R&B singer Khalid’s tenth UK Top 40 hit and Disclosure’s sixth, and it’s funky, smooth and fun as hell. It starts with a synth that is ripped straight from the 80s, then some keys come in and a clap, until Khalid starts singing with that sultry voice, although it’s in a higher-pitched and more emotive falsetto this time, with a slightly off-kilter bass when partnered with the synths, almost reminding me of future bass. Khalid sounds absolutely fantastic over this beautiful instrumental, with all the extra touches like the drum pattern finishing off with a repeated snare, kick and bass hit at the end of the chorus as a climax, the extra synth melodies added throughout the chorus that give the song so much more “Oomph” and groove to it. The song is joyful, danceable and I don’t care about what the lyrics say at all, but since I clearly don’t have all that much to say about the song other than “This is gorgeous and amazing and brilliant”, I might as well say that the subject matter may be unfitting, because it’s about having a talk about where the relationship is going, which isn’t necessarily as smooth, cute and glamorous as the song could paint it out to be, but there definitely is that off-kilter and quirky vibe to it that does add that sense of panic, despite how mostly chilled it is. That works well, actually. Yeah, check this out because this is the best song either of these guys have put out. If this has longevity in the US, it’s a contender for the top of my best list, because I doubt anything better will come along. Perhaps “bury a friend” and “a lot” could end up there? Who knows? It’s shaping up to be a pretty good year, though, so we’ll see.

#8 – “needy” – Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande finally finds her sound after years and four albums of having the inability to be cohesive or unique, years and years of having a wasted voice due to cluttered, messy and generic instrumentals provided to her by producers who don’t know what they’re doing, and... her albums still suck. Well, her fifth album is a disappointment, yes, and it’s also incredibly mediocre. It lacks a lot of substance, is inconsistent (It either has too much polish or not enough), has a few irritating instrumentals like “bloodline”, as well as once again, it has Grande’s great voice being put to the side due to light-weight trap beats like “7 rings”, for which Grande is forced to lose all of her natural charisma in order to fit on. There, that’s what I think of the album. Now, “needy” is not one of the worst on the album, but it is bad, and you can tell that right off the jump with its over-simplistic, toy-box melody that starts it off, and gets irritating quick, with not enough drowning it out. I like the pre-chorus, it’s pretty cool, but the finger-snaps are fake and pointless, with the borderline doo-wop vocals in the background adding nothing but volume. Someone tell Ariana Grande that her “Yuh” ad-libs should never be used again, please. They worked in “God is a woman”, but that’s the only time they worked, and will ever work. The subject matter is decent here, but I don’t think the beat fits it – because it doesn’t have a beat, really, there��s barely any percussion, and then it has an abrupt, pointless orchestral outro. Yeah, you can tell this album was finished in two weeks. It has a lot of moments like that.

#1 – “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” – Ariana Grande

Fitting title. Okay, so what’s the need for build-up, am I right? When it works, over-whelming the listener with the beat immediately crashing in is great. That’s when it has build-up, it never works when it’s just the song starting with bass and percussion immediately, without much reason. No, it doesn’t make sense in the context of the album either, because the song before it fades out. Anyway, so over a weak, discount Playboi Carti type beat with the flute (???) mixed so low that it essentially doesn’t exist, Grande raps with a rather concerning accent considering the blackfishing controversy, biting freaking Quadeca’s flow (I know - Out of all people?), with again, those cringeworthy ad-libs placed in empty spaces. Then it cuts to 16-bit chiptune pianos that aren’t used throughout the song, just in this section, for the pre-chorus, it just feels kind of worthless to have this here, it’s like it’s part of another song they spliced in (A better song, may I add). Oh, and that chorus is sickeningly annoying. I don’t care about the lyricism here as much as I should (Because it is pretty douchey, at least on the surface), but she sounds nasal with that elongated syllable melody that makes me just coil. I don’t like the backing vocals or echoes, either, sorry for the nitpicking but they feel like quick edits just to fill in empty space, especially that male “Hey” (or “Care”, or “Yeah”, I can’t tell), it’s added abruptly and cuts the beat out for no reason. The bridge wouldn’t be bad without that incessant and constant percussion pounding through it. I shouldn’t be this negative, Grande’s performance is okay, I guess, but, damn, this is awful. It doesn’t develop or even end properly, it feels like a bonus track on the standard version – because, yes, somehow this is what they chose as a fitting climax to the record. What a waste of studio time, and what a bad #1. Listen, UK, I didn’t like “7 rings” either, but at least it wasn’t this.

Conclusion

Man, I feel bad for doing so but Ariana Grande gets Worst of the Week for “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, and screw it, Dishonourable Mention for “needy”. Nothing else is all that bad, so the Chainsmokers get away scot-free here, with Honourable Mention being tied and going to both Blueface for “Thotiana” and CamelPhat, Cristoph and Jem Cooke for “Breathe”. Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, but yeah, it’s going to Khalid and Disclosure for “Talk”. See you next week.

[psychicwolftraveler-blog]

Bipolar and the stigma

Bipolar and the stigma against mental illness

When people hear mental illness they tend to shudder with fear and smugness as if there better than anyone who suffers from something. When people hear Bipolar they run a mile! Some may say I am exaggerating but I am not. Iv seen it first hand. I myself suffer from Bipolar Type 2. Now i emphasise the type as thats important. When people hear Bipolar they think of manic, mania, psychosis, hyper, unhinged...the list goes on. But I am none of those things. Type 2 sufferers tend to have long bouts of low periods and very intense anxiety, in all honesty the anxiety can manifest into paranoia-so there is an element of psychosis but nowhere near as much as a Type 1 sufferer.

I was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 27 going on 28. Prior to this, Id only ever had one other breakdown and that was 10 years before hand in my late teens. I had always suffered from some form of anxiety but i had always managed to control it. My job as a manager kept me mentally busy and challanged and i thrived on stress, in fact in one interview i even said i loved it! but in the end it was stress that broke me down, and now sadly that aspect off any job i do in the future will be a no no for me! But since my diagnosis iv noticed a wave of stigma attached to mental health. People are geniunly scared of it! There scared of what it means and what it can do. they dont realise the effects that can have on the person suffering!

I myself have never told any of my employers about my illness for this reason, because a lack of understanding on their part can make them nieve, and regardless of how qualified I am I wont be fit enough for the job because my brain ever so slightly works in a diffrent way to others! I know my triggers and I can control it to a point...the only thing that stops me having control is pregnanacy, because adding those hormones to an already altered mind makes for very confusing times! I spend weeks indoors not talking to anybody or seeing the outside world-but its all for the greater good, and though i can turn into a hormonal nightmare when pregnant, having a baby is a blessing and ill take all the bad that comes with it!

I recently wrote an open letter on twitter to many celebrity ambassadors for mental health, including the young royals- below is the letter i wrote:

I am writing to you today as I have been reading about all your work that you are doing surrounding mental health namely the stigma surrounding it. I am writing to you in a capacity of desperation to get my voice heard. You both are the voice that can speak for the millions so I figured it was worth a shot so here goes. Let me give you a background on myself. I am 31 and am a freelance journalist/poet and a manager within the NHS. I has my first mental breakdown when I was 16 at the time people thought it was a mixture of hormones and family factors, none the less I had to leave 6th form and was medicated for a few years. When that fog lifted I returned to college and went onto university to study new media journalism. To support myself I had to work in the post room within a NHS trust. I worked my way up that corporate ladder very quickly and after graduating kept the journalistic side to freelance and continued to work my way up in the NHS,  iv worked in A&E as admin manager, iv worked as unit managers for CNWL's Addiction services, and even ended up managing the admin team at the same unit that treated me when I was 16 within west London mental health trust, which was ironic really but also showed how far I had come and accomplished! The same doctor that treated me still worked there too! I went from being her patient 10 years before to drinking with her in a pub at 26 a fully fledged cured adult who managed the admin team including her secretary! The signifance of me telling this will become apparent soon.... In november 2014 I suffered a severe break down and voluntarily went into a low secure mental health unit just to rest and get the treatment I needed! Again it was west London mental health I was treated by, but this time I had two perspectives, one the patient and two the employee! The same doctors and nurse I had been drinking in a pub with 2 years before now saw me as a patient, some wouldn't even say hello.  The only people to acknowledge me were the patiebts who rembered me from the services they attended, but now i was one of them. This was my first experience of the stigma of mental health, I was no good anymore I was just another patient. It was at this point I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, I would like to emphasize the type 2 as that's another stigma I get. The difference between type 1 and 2 is vast, there is no mania with my type and more anxiety and depression. It was a hard diagnosis but it hadn't come from nowhere I had it since 16! It made sense all the times I'd have down patches I just put down to environmental factors, a bad relationship, argument with friends, stress at work etc... I just thought it was what the doctors had said when I was 16..hormones and family factors, but it wasn't it was bipolar.. So the entire time I had been working I had bipolar and nobody had known, not me, not my colleagues not even the doctor who treated me at 16 and drank with me on Friday night and now wouldn't even say hello to me after seeing me in hospital! Stigma is stigma and even employees and doctors have them. Knowing that keeping busy controlled it and stress made it worse I went straight back to work in a brand new job at the RNOH in stanmore in January 2015!! I took a step back and went in as a EA to the hospitals operations director....not an easy job but less stressful than managing things myself but it wasn't long before I got the urge to take the reins once more and within 9 months I was unit manager of paediatrics at the same hospital!  Again nobody knew until I fell pregnant in March 2016, I was not on any medication apart from calming pills to stop my anxiety flaring up but I stopped all these when I found out. I had my first and only encounter with perinatel who are a great team and service, unfortunately I miscarried at 20 weeks, and within 3 days I was discharged from the perinatal service and was on my own. The pregnancy hormones and lack of medication had made Me very edgy and anxious more so than I had ever been, then losing the baby caused more emotions which were hard to deal with. I had to finish at my job in the June of 2016 as the stress and the commute were making me sick again and being pregnant I had to make that my priority not my career. It was the first time I hadn't worked since I was 18 and being at home made my illness worse. None the less me and my partner tried again and I fell pregnant in may 2017 but again lost it at 6 weeks. This sent me into a downward spiral and I had to make a decision to try again or go back to work but we tried again and here I am 11 weeks pregnant and everything thus far going well and being monitored  everything but my mental health. Iv had no further contact from a perinatel team and  am on no medication. When I do see my midwife my mental health always gets used as a weapon. Iv been told I must have a cesarean for my own health but I also must have meeting regarding mental health to see if I could cope with a baby and what my support network is. That is what has pushed me to write to you both.... The stigma. Just because I have a diagnosis does not mean I am not capable or of sound mind! I went 12 years with nobody none the wiser not even the doctor who had originally treated me at 16, but now they can name my problem I'm not a worthy and am treated a second class citezen. People Dont talk about mental health because of this reason, and things need to change. If I had another invisible illness like epilepsy would I have the same stigma... Probably not. With my corporate mindset I ask you, when you work with mental health issues, departmentalise each issue.... Suicide, depression, psychosis, anxiety, insomnia, eating disorders . within each of these things there is a stigma and within each of those boxes is a person like me who can control, hide and survive through my issues everyday with nobody knowing, working in high level jobs too scared to say anything because when I do I become somebody everybody is scared of abd treat differently just because I'm labeled with a mental illness and as the voice of the many I do hope the work you all do goes someway to helping the case I have put to you today because this is an issue that needs changing and changing fast.I have enclosed copy's of 2 poems I have written about mental health which are also published online, I look forward to your response Yours faithfully

Needless to say I never got any replys-which made me more determined to start a blog, to have my voice and get it heard!!

Iv recently read in the news today that they believe the grand old president of the USA, Mr Donald J Trump is apparently suffering from a mental illness-which could in effect cost him his job! According to the BBC, experts believe he is suffering from narcassistic personality disorder- now hes the kind of person that gives people with genuine mental illness a bad name! He's not mentally ill, hes an egotistic old man who is too twitter happy and obscessed with big red buttons. Everything he says is pathetic and he cant be taken seriously, the way the USA can justify thier horrific mistake of electing such a gorrilla is to brush it off with, "we didnt realise he was mentaly ill"!! cop out if you ask me!!! Just take his tweets with Mr Kim Jung un- iv seen 3 year olds in nurserys have better arguments than that!! Thats not a mental illness its a child in a 70 somethings body!! Hes the human real life version of Tom Hanks's character in Big, just not as nice or as clever or as entertaining!! I defenitly wouldnt want to play the big piano with him in a toy store-god forbid you were better than him- you'd be banned from America and called a loser on twitter before being handed a shovel and some bricks to go and build his mexican wall!

My point is, mental illness is a stigma and when its used to describe somebody like Donald Trump its no wonder people get scared!! We should be allowed to talk about it more freely and openly without the fear of being judged-but if that will change who will know...Until then all we can do is live on and fight the big fight that is mental illness which ever one it may be..... we'll talk more on this subject... but until then take care...

The typist behind the screen xxx

www.gogsworld.net