#but theres a big part of me thats just idk scared i guess?

[caruliaa]

op of a post is in the same ""cringe"" fandom as me so i can openly be a fan of it in the tags without the fear of being singled out and mocked by them and then all their followers for it incident 13 resurrected 27 healed

[sideblogdotjpeg]

feeling like. ep 60 was such a fantastic arc finale battle ep. and auugh. like so many things. LIKE .

the slow build up of tension over the ep felt really good and perfect, as it escalates from alexandrite being silly and goofy to. gargantuan cyberflesh horror. and how the dice were UNCANNILY perfect for it all. like. the nat 1 vs nat 20 roll for the town and suddenly the entire mood shifts and the stakes are so much realer, and personal. followed up by the nat 20 for the town! followed up by TWO callie crits and her dealing 130 DAMAGE like each turn!!!! like!!!!! AUGH... the. just the beats of it all was soo good and.

tying to that .. the character moments for this ep were so good !!! every character got their moment to shine in the battle. already discussed callie absolutely whomping fucking ass, but of course the smaller moments as well. offering to go and defend calders town. seeing the faewild sky and "i think i needed to leave to become worthy of it" - like and as the culmination of callies arc. from someone who was so scared and running away to. staying, standing, fighting, protecting. AND ITS GOOD.

then of course theres calder. i mean also the . ARC. of the only thing he wanted was not to be overprotected. wanting to be useful - like his brothers, people who had strength and value in the eyes of their people, big enough to defend their town. and he has come all the way here. he changes the tides of the battlefield in the town - and he does it with the attachments of his friends and the love of his family. and like... god. really crystalising his ethos in a way that is foiled so well against gowan. gowan who was too proud to ask for help. vs "i cant do it without you" "but damn does it feel good when your friends have your back" ... !!!! AYYEARGH. like. hes becoming the protector of his home! but maybe now, his home is so much bigger than the ice knife, and hes not fighting alone .... YOU KNOW.

AND SOL!!!!! sol to my knowledge only deals 30 damage this battle but. as a resident sol enjoyer i !!! am VERY MUCH CLAPPING AND CHEERING!! at the deeply supportive role he took on for this fight. like hes the first to get the ice knife away from alexandrite, he gives callie an extra smite, silvery barbs.... ! like the short rest realisation of how different the battle wouldve gone without that silvery barbs is .... ! SO ITS GOOD. and at the end that he was the one to get the final blow on alexandrite and it was for swag is ...

and! that part was obviously a joke! as is the entire "keep em guessing haha alexandrite cant predict what were doing!!!" thing. HOWEVER. relistening to the ezry arc, and their first interaction w alexandrite as we now know her ... i just. REALLY feel like this is the spiritual successor to "were duck team and were messy and were friends and we do everything together and we absolutely suck shit all day long and all night baby". theyre so fucking stupid is the thing. and theyre messy and stupid and constantly saying things that are weird and make no sense and completely and utterly baffling .... and thats DUCK TEAM!!! (theres also a point here where im overreading somewhat. but the part about Keepin em Guessin... one could POSSIBLY argue it interacts in a MAYBE DEEPLY INTERESTIGN WAY with . the idea of the calculated certainty of the AI, the calm and cold prediction of the diviners, and the wild freedom of the peregrines. idk!!! maybe!!! maybe you cld even say that what lies at the heart of duck team is their messiness and outofplaceness and love and care and refusal of the tragedy!!! even!! maybe!! but YEAH. lol random XD ! keep em guessin!)

also the thing that made me write all this which is like. ! the final victory lap scene is just. so wonderfully cathartic, esp with how tense this entire arc has been. its just. fuck yeah we won and all our friends and family are here and safe and riding on mammoths!!! i mean. FUCKING ALBINS BACK!!!! GREGORS HERE AND KICKIN ASS!!! THE MA GOBLIN BRIGADE!!! A WIN. and ... that bit of callie just sitting on the roof playing a guitar as she stares into the fae wild sky is ... its good.. its good..

and all that is maybe. half the reasons why ep 60 is so good. i didnt even get around to talking about the fucking EMILY AXFORD SONG WHICH IVE BEEN PLAYING NONSTOP ALL DAY SO. yeah. so i like this ep i guess

[cod-thoughts]

Ghost for the character ask !! (or Alejandro if Ghost was asked already 👉​👈​)

waaaa thank you for the ask omg (i say scared you're in my inbox /lh)

Neither has been asked yet so ill do both i guess lol (this got very long so im adding a read more, i ramble when im bored whoops)

favourite thing about them

ooo this is hard actually but i think the way ghost just is exactly who he is. As traumatised and as gruff as that man is he just kind of does what he wants for himself. The mask, the gloves, the behaviour, its all just for him. no one else benefit and idk i think theres something to be said about that.

least favourite thing about them

hmmm i dont know. This is more of a fandom nitpick than about ghost but a lot of people i think picture him with a certain body and my gym rat ass self is just there like??? theres no shot he has abs hello?? (is this a personal bias? maybe but shhh) I also do wish we got more of his backstory in the reboots or really any backstory at all.

favourite line

OOO this is hard, part of me wants to pick a dad joke but the first one that came to mind is when Soap is introducing them to ale and rudy and Ghost just goes. "Tha'll do." dont know why. but it is pfft.

brOTP

everyone. Ghost is actually just friendly but standoffish to me. I think he'd make friends easy once they get over the fact that its him. Yes he's a loner but that doesnt mean he's lonely.

OTP

this is so hard oooof. GhostPrice is just so incredible i love their dynamic so much but also Ghoap although the most obvious one is kind of hard to deny hmmm. I will say tho NikPriceGhost is an OT3 ive been toying around with and lets just say i LOVE the potential there. (not so secretly think Ghost is a poly king and is actually able to navigate it well)

nOTP

Ghost with any woman im sorry that is a gay man (to me at least)

random headcanon

He has a really really big sweet tooth that he doesnt tell anyone about. (been thinking about this for ghostprice week hehehe)

unpopular opinion

hmmm i guess i said a few while answering the others lmao

song i associate with them

cirice - ghost. Not because the band name but the lyrics are just so ghost. And freak on a leash - korn for the same reasons OH and undertow - tool

favorite picture of them

i just love his eyes holy shit, brown eyes ghost > blue eyed ghost

favourite thing about them

hes just so loyal. Something about that unwavering loyalty is so cool to see even when he's wrong about something he's just loyal to a fault. good or bad its an interesting thing

least favourite thing about them

i cant think of anything, we dont get to see enough of him for me to think of something

favourite line

and who the fuck do you think you are, cabrón. My men are inside!

brOTP

him and ghost. i think they understand each other in a way thats unexpected but welcomed by both.

OTP

alerudy, like come on. To me not only are they together, i think they're each others first everything kind of relationship, theyve been together longer than theyve been without the other, i think thats the only reason for how they act like the other being there is a given without it being implied to be romantic and instead a deep friendship.

nOTP

him and valeria. i get it as exes or smth but i just dont see it in their interactions sorry 0_0

random headcanon

I think he's secretly a musician or a music nerd. Any kind of music at all, he'll try to learn any instrument he can get his hands on and its not uncommon for him to be singing in his office as he does paperwork.

unpopular opinion

i dont think i have any?

song i associate with them

this is actually really hard so im gonna pick artists as vibes or like his favourites: Haken, karnivool, queens of the stone age, the gulls and the marías for when he wants smth soft (i also think him and rudy dance to ale singing something from any of these artists)

favourite picture of them

widows peak my beloved

[haemosexuality]

the timeline goes

00-18 years old: i have always been VERY babies by my parents. i wouldnt call them helicopter parents per se, like they always let me do the things i asked (tho i never drunk or partied or stayed out late and dont know how that wouldve gone), but they always... just really protected me, i guess? spoiled me even. theres an embarrassing amount of household chores i just dont know how to do because they never asked me to and im not the type of person that intuitively knows i should be doing something, for example.

they would sometimes look through me phone till i was about 14 or so, my mom had an app that would lock me out of my phone after a certain time until i was 16. they always talked to doctors for me, bought stuff for me, went with me everywhere. aside from the phone stuff, i never had a problem with any of this. i was a very anxious child and an even more anxious and scared teenager, so having my parents helping me with everything was not just great but something i genuinely needed otherwise i would be having meltdowns every day (i mean. for some time there i was literally having full blown meltdowns like twice a week even with their help, so). i was also always just kind of... childish, both in interests and, when i got in the older part of my teens, mentality.

like i said i dont know how to Do a lot of things. adult things like chores and idk scheduling a doctors visit or finding a job. its hard for me to know things intuitively, its stressing and difficult to learn. idk how much of that was that i never had the ability to learn and how much is the autism that means i need my hand held a little more than its normal.

anyways, i never noticed how much my parents babied me, like at all, until it was pointed out to me by the neuropsychologist assessing me for autism earlier this year. and i was like, "...huh. yeah. youre rights. my parents do everything for me."

it was a lightbulb moment but i was freshly 19 and out of school, terrified of having to Become and Adult, and didnt have any problem with it. yes please continue doing everything for me, the world is so scary, the amount of things i have to learn is overwhelming, im scared of growing up, please let everything stay like it is.

march-june: things stay like this. i keep hating myself for how incompetent i am, but make no move to change that. i take the tiniest steps towards getting a job but thats scary so i keep putting it off. lifes goes on, very slowly.

july: i spent a week at my cousins house. she lives in a big city (i live in a small one in the middle of nowhere), 3 hours away from my house. ive done that before but this time she's 23, im 19, and she lives mostly alone. its the happiest i feel in a very long time. my mom isnt hovering over me, demanding i tell her everywhere i go. i can just go out. alone. in a big, dangerous city. i can stay out late and she cant do anything about it bc shes 3 hours away. i can drink and she wont know. i just feel free

i dont actually do that much bc in my core im not really someone who enjoys partying. i stayed out until like 1am and drank half a bottle of beer (it tasted like shit), but it was the first time i did that ever and while my parents Were blowing up my phone asking why i hadnt told them i was home yet, what were they gonna do about it?

in the next day me and my cousin's older sister (27) stayed up until 5am just, talking. shes a lot like me in a lot of ways, and we both cried a lot bc of that. she told me how much better her life got when she loved out of our small city and went to live on the big city. how many more opportunities there are, how many people there are, how many gay people there are and people like us and jobs that i can never find living in the middle of nowhere and just so much understanding. so many possibilities.

july: i come back home. to my small room and my parents. to the same shitty job options ive been imagining my whole life. i feel like the older sister poisoned me, i cant stop thinking about moving out of my house, of this city. i never realized how unbearable the pressure was until i was free of it for a while. i cant lock my door because my parents will wonder whats going on, and ill have to make up a reason. i cant go anywhere without telling them how or where. i have to live in a house with their rules, of how ill eat and how much noise ill make and when ill clean. i am a person! i want to do my own things! what if i actually like parties and ive just never tried them? i want to get drunk! i want to live in my own time! i want to listen to music at 3am and i want to schedule my own fucking doctors appointments and i want to have my own money and i want to be able to masturbate without being scared someones gonna know! i want to wear clothes without being scared of them thinking its slutty! i want to eat fast food without a lecture! i want to be responsible for taking my own medicine! i want to fuck up and have to fix it myself! i want to never fucking smell coffee again, because i hate the smell. i want to learn how to clean a fucking bathroom! i want to be able to cry, LOUD, and scream when im angry!! i feel like im trapped in a box and ill never be able to grow while im here!!!

but im so used to the status quo and that would need just, so much change. and also money. first thing i would need if i want to move out is fucking money and like, im still so scared of getting a job. and they cant help much rn. so im stuck in the box and slowly feeling like im going insane. im incredibly thankful for that trip and how it allowed me to change but also i kind of wish it had happened when i could actually afford to move out. oh well.

[mr-bisk]

Fukkkkkk I want to spoil the surprises of my fics but i don't want to ruin them for who follows me on tumblr.... I guess fuk-ich, idk how to format a post, but it cant be that hard, am I Right!?

Spoilers and HC's under the cut:

Also TW: i can't continue w/o advising: if u got a cringe allergy, ingestion might block your throat. I don't want to kill anybody(yet) so maybe skip this one.

CW: Spoilers for the chapter amouts and last chapter; Transphobes DNI lol, I made all of them Queer and I'll die on this lane; Little Vents(more than one, kinda?); Mention of Fan-Childs.

First of all: The ending. The fanwork just will get 4 chaps cuz i can't drag stuff yet. To spoil the ending, Bill will have a panic attack upon not being able to avoid feeling queer at Josh's presence, gets a hold of his mother's whisky, drunkly and pathetically call Josh to come to his house and out of pity he will attend. They end up alone in Bill's room and end up kissing. It doesn't stop Josh from going to college, much for the opposite effect as he gets scared and confused, but plans to come back to Eltingville soon with a clearer mind.

Pete HC: 🅱️ete is transmasc, stealth-trans. His parents saw it coming from a young age and are actually supportive. They help him hide away his deadname and other stuff that would direct hate towards him. His dad loves having a male son that is interested in helping him with brute shit, although he doesn't endorse his interest in horror and nerd stuff, it is the exception.(also Jer knows his deadname as they are childhood frens.)

Jerry HC('s, theres A LOT of stuff): 1st, Jerry is transfem. 2nd, PeteJer is real. 3rd: I made BillJer virtually impossible timeline-wise bc Bill assumes himself as gay a little after Jer's Egg-Hatchin', also he has the fastest but most oblivios gaydar(maybe queer-dar, idk??) and never felt attracted to Jer.(also yeah, i hold a grudge for the flood of billjer we had when eltingville blew up. Like, Frrr? the whitest, most bland ship u cold think off got popular!?! No hate if u like it, theres loads of gr8 stuff under the umbrella, I'm just not kin.)

Vent: I still love eltingville, don't see the end off the brainstorm/interest flood on the horizon yet- ....Buuuuuut I can't hold myself from feeling like I'm making a disservice to the BillJosh tag. I just begun to write again and posted it on AO3 to prevent me from quitting, and The Damn™️, I feel like my work is meh at best. I'm a perfecctionist, and there are plans of it being re-written, so if u like it, hop in the future when i got enough EXP. and writing turned into a pleasure again.

Bacc to the fanfic. There will be at least 3 more projs. after I conclude this one: A continuation where Josh comes back to Eltingville to see Bill and ends up dragging him to Boston; A PeteJer bittersweet tale with two parts in which(as it is in my brain rn, change might come) mirrors the BillJosh plot, you'll have to wait to see; And a Jane-centered story BECAUSE I 💜 HER!!1!!

I.... Okay.... Last one. The cringiest and most personal yet: There will need to be a Miracle, a fucking change of heart of me to not put Fan-Childs at some point.... yeah. Look, I myself plan of becoming a Father/Ba irl and it pours in the way i see relationships. If thats a big ass No-Hell-No! to u, Maybe do not hop into the fishing line of my fanworks, because it is a big factor in the way i view it's development.

[juni-ravenhall]

15. Which Race is your favorite? Why?

16. Which Championship is your favorite? Why?

17. Which Quests were your favorite? Why?

18. Which Event is your favorite? Why?

19. Do you prefer Story Quests, Side Quests, or Limited-Time Quests from Events?

20. What part of the Main Story is your favorite?

so many of the questions r so good i just sent a bunch sorry 0//0

- Jaoi

dw they are meant to be asked XD

Which Race is your favorite? Why?

i dont rly have one off the top of my head but i liked the new jumping course with an actual points system. sso races lack too much in well-designed challenges so i think its a good update. i also like the dressage in theory but i havent really played it yet this year bc im too exhausted to think. i prefer champs to single player crosscountry races since it feels like an actual challenge.

Which Championship is your favorite? Why?

firgrove is the one champ i actually do for fun... maybe new hillcrest champ can count in there too, tho thats more like "do it just to see the drama when the top spots die in the swamp". im still getting used to valedale champ but i keep getting lost and confused, it has potential but i feel like its a bit too chaotic so u dont even know whats going on and its easy to get completely lost if u get too far behind the other players. the other new champs are fine too.

Which Quests were your favorite? Why?

prob the nightdust story. i really wish sso had animated cutscenes throughout the game. (now we have some, but the current writing is so boring and disconnected from the existing storyline that i cant feel anything about the cutscenes. it doesnt feel like its the continuation of the same story.) i also liked the part of the main story when elizabeth died and we were stuck with alex in pandoria for a bit, bc at the moment that felt pretty dramatic and we were in like a unique location and stuff actually happened that had some kind of consequence. but even if i say that, lisa's song thing in that scene was kinda out of nowhere (bc they had just redesigned the soul riders shortly before and released her new music but it didnt feel connected to the previous lisa we knew yet - who didnt actually sing in sso at all besides us playing that harp one time? so her singing to guide us out felt generic rather than heartfelt bc we didnt really have a relation to this version of lisa.) and i liked the saving herman stuff.... and the rania and saving the lake in mistfall stuff.... i liked when we went with the rangers into wildwoods for the first time too.... theres also a lot of funny smaller quests i liked, like the original big bonny quests, the jarlaheim mayor guy, ed field, flooding the baroness cellar, igor stuff, the bridge building guy whos scared of heights, idk, stuff thats not really important to the story but silly in a way that made me laugh. i dont think the current writers are likely to write anything like that tho.

Which Event is your favorite? Why?

for now i dont really know, im not enjoying any of them that much. i guess it will be interesting to see what camp western is like this time. i love yule and winter time in general as a person but i dont necessarily care that much about the sso winter event, i love the snow though. halloween trail ride is fun but i feel like the excitement of seeing it the first time is completely different than doing it repeatedly year after year. i mostly wish that they would shave down the events into much smaller things and focus on the permanent storylines, fleshing out existing npcs and side stories and areas, and on releasing new areas alongside the story taking our characters there. i think making the events have so much going on (except none of it is especially fun) was a bad choice that took too much time and resources from the core development of the game. ppl wouldnt complain much about having nothing to do during events if we got consistent new quests and other stuff unrelated to the events imo.

Do you prefer Story Quests, Side Quests, or Limited-Time Quests from Events?

story and side quests, i really dont care about the events (aside from that one ydris halloween when galloper was trapped in the tower. i remember walking up to the portal and hearing the party music fading in for the first time, and how mc actually got to use magic.... cool times, but i still dont think they should do stuff like this for events unless they have a really good idea and the resources to execute it. its better as part of the main story.)

What part of the Main Story is your favorite?

mostly already answered in a question above, i feel like prob my fav is when we went into epona and started discovering the whole CHILL thing and saving herman bc that had a lot of excitement and mystery building up (which then fizzled out due to bad management). i used to really like talking to the different npcs across jorvik bc they had distinct personalities and problems, and often its like, its actually a bigger problem connected to the larger plot, but what we hear is how that thing affects local people on a smaller scale and they dont even necessarily think about some grand evil plot, theyre just annoyed they have extra paperwork, or confused why their thing isnt working anymore. idk old sso writing was both silly and really fun and immersive.

[sainthelgas]

Buffy s1e09/S1e10 opinions

Hell yeah puppet episode. I was surprised to hear that some people really dont like the computer demon episode for some reason. Like is it kinda shlocky and has it aged aged like eggnog? Yeah. But its funny. I love the shlock tbh. Call me a fake fan but I might have even preferred it over the abgel episode. I kinda prefer the shlock over whatever they were doing with angel.

I know buffy is the slayer but principal Snyder is the one who really slays. When he started talking I listened. The last principlay got eaten but this one eats. Mr Flutie was a beta male with no spine.

"But he was eaten. You're in ny world how" (musical sting) (how long til he dies too. Part of me hopes he survives til the end. I wanna run bets on like which one of these side characters are gonna die.

How many times has willow been flirted with the monster of the week? I guess only twice. I hope this doesnt become a pattern.

Im realisong now i think i kinda prefer the non vampire episodes to the vampire episodes. I guess theyre not as "plot important" but idk. I like the variety.

Does her mom not pay attention to what happens at her daughters school? "Whats wrong are you upset?" Someone was murdered of course shes mad about them just going on with the talent show like normal. Thats crazy you should fucking cancel it til you catch tbe murdered. Principal snyder gave birth to me and breastfeed me but i cant forgive this.

Why is the dummy being alive so far out of the question. They treat her like shes stupid but like. Idk, thats not that much more wacky then the like mantis woman. This kinda reminds me of victorious.

The dummys a good guy? Thats so Stupid. Not even in a good way.

I didnt like this one as much. It felt kinda confused and aimless. It felt like they had an idea for a twist but then you look down and theres the more minutes.

S1e10 thoughts below

Willow being afraid of spiders feel so in character. Also we now have phobias for both willow and buffy which is interesting. Buffys phobia kinda Makes me think of her dynamic with angel. A ventriliquest dummy is basically just tricking the audience into believing that something unalive is in fact alive. Kinda like what happened wirh angel. Thats kind of a stretch but i think its interesting even if unintentional. Willows prpbably scared of spiders just cause spiders are freaky :-/.

I bet these D listers probably shit themselves when they see the three weirdos walking over to you. Theres a sixty percent chance you'll get killed by the monster of the week before long.

Holy shit buffys nightmare is so much worse then everyone elses. I mean in the main group. I guess its not as bad as the girl whow as nearly bear to death as punishment for her tobacco dependency but also i dont know if that was a nightmare technically.

Okay why does the syart of Xanders clown nightmare is a swastika just spray painted on the wall. He also acted like nazis were his equivilant fear earlier in the episode. What is this implying???

Oh shit buffys getting burried alive. Is this a isttg referance??? (Joke)

Oh but unironically the fact that buffy being buried alive is niles nightmare is actually delicious.

All things said and done i think buffy is the big loser. Like the rest of em got temporary agony or embarasssment. But i feel like being told to your face by your dad that "sorry, i dont love you anymore" basicslly. That shit would stick with you certainely.

[theuniverseawakens347]

If I don’t know you as mortal me I can’t speak in full from Godly side until I get my memory back.

It suck’s but again the world of people who “control” things chose a mortal god … I’ve surrender to that UNTIL MY ROOT STARTED CALLING FOR OXYGEN.

I NEED BE FREE IN FULL FOR WHAT YOY WANT AND WHAT I WANT ( uptopia) but ur afraid of what that means in full on my end …

Well AGAIN.. there’s levels to everything.

YOU DID SOME MURDEROUS STUPID SHIT WHEN YOU SHUDNT HAVE

There’s consequences for that…

again I said we talk in person. But I see some ppl still trying to take advantage of my

“Weakness” … you don’t with me I don’t work with you …

You leave wall of communication out of it …

YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN ME CAUSE IM STILL IN TERAIN WHERE IM SLEEP…

Which is why I say UR ANCESTORS BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU FOR ME. BEYONCÉ. YOURE AN ASSHOLE RIHANA TRIBE. PRETTY HURTS. I TOOK UR FULL FACE LAST NIGHT AND INSTGRAM DELETED IT GUESS WHAT.. YOU GET FULL DEATH. WHEN RIGHT TIME o COMES YOU CANNOT EXACAPE THAT AND THATS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MORTAL ME AND TREATED RIHANNA WHEN SHE YOU AND JAY KAYNE WORKED TOGETHER. AOLANGE FITS IN THERE TO BUT THAGS NOT MY STORY

YA NEED LEARN PATIENCE. THIS WHY BLUE HATES YOU .. YOU A LEE GARLINGTON. THATS UGLY OF YOU.

You think bc you got stem cells to get my face you’re safe … NO. I GET TO YOU WHEN I GET TO YOU - GOD.

But tip . MORTAL ME DROPPED YOU IN FULL.

MORTAL ME ALREADY OWNS EVERYTHING YOUVE TAKEN FROM ME.

GODLY ME ALREADY PROTECTED THOSE WHO NEEDED FROM YOU. … it might not look like it but THEYRE LEARNING LEASONS YOU CANT COMPREHEND

You’re an India love to me afraid of death , BUT A LEE GAELINGTON TO MY MORTAL SIDE AND ANYONE YOU DEEM MORTAL …

You are not telepathic. AGAIN YOU ARE BIG KILL BUT EASY FOR ME. MY DEATH PWT YOUR ANCESTORS AND AALYIAH BROUGHT TO ME w LEFT EYE.

MORTAL ME : STUPID BITCH. SHUT TF UP - HOW YOU TALK TO RIHANNA = PART OF WHY YA BBL BOTCHED.

You look at me at see “I look old” CAUSE BITCH UR INSIDES ARE UGLY AS FUCK had a chance BUT YOU CHOOSE TINA DOMAIN YOU CANT HANG DUMBBBITCH .. HOW YOU THOT BOUT NICKI DURING UR VIDEOS TOGETHER ..

YA LET FAME GET TO UR HEAD. TINA IS HOW YOU LOOK INSIDE ON THE OUT. YOUR FACE IS NOT MY FUTURE ITS TINA IN THE PAST. DUMBASS.

——

LAPD “there’s due day so let’s fill her with talking to our ancestors “

NO. YOURE RAPING ME.

I see you at Starbucks you know what’s going on I get water EVERYDAY .. you could buy me a snack ur watching me + know the situation AS DEPTHS AS YOU CAN COMPREHEND why not get me a snack!??

STARBUCKS LOVE YOU .. I walk in I don’t have to speak anymore to know what I need.. and BOOM SMALL CONVOS W EVERYONE WHO ISNT SCARED TO SPEAK TO ME !!

IM NOT ASKING FOR MUCH IM ASKING FOR SOMEONE TO TREAT ME LIKE THEY WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED IN MY SITUATION..

BUT YA ASSES STUCK ON GOD / Superhero / WHAT WAS NIPSEY / SHES GUNA BE MAD WE TOOK HIM …

THERES REASONS AND LESSONS IN EVERYTHING .. UR SHOWING ME THE ROOT OF YOU IS SCARED .. the root of me is god … YOU CANT COMPREHEND CRIPPLED BLACK GIRL BEING HOMELESS “by choice” and HOW I GOT SO MUCH TALENT BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO GET OFF THE STREET ..

THEN YOU CANT COMPREHEND FULL GOD ..

I AM JESUS ALL OVER AGAIN BUT RESURRECTION DAY .. I HAVE MADE IT OFF THE CROSS INTO THE TOMB AND UNBURRIED WALKING LIFE AGAIN BF THE PPL REALIZED I WAS SPECIAL ..

I AM A BEGGER TO SOME BUT YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SAMARITAN TO ME .. so ya think ���wtf have we been doing as protect and serve then” …

NOTHING CLEARLY. LOOK HOW YA TREAT ME TO MY FACE .. just a smile n hi ( but ur energy wants to fuck me … that’s weird … you don’t even know god to touch my mortal self.. UR RUNNING BEFORE CRAWLING .. BABY STEPS LIKE DDG!!! Have a convo w me those who have HAAAAY NOT ASKING FOR MUCH .. but those who have resources to do more AND KNOW THAT.. why aren’t you!? 🙂)

YOU SEE ME AT STARBUCKS .. idk come out pocket for me on a snack Matilda cookies you tell me mentally to take it I say no that feels wrong to me .. BC IM STILL IN AREA WHERE I CANT CLAIM ROOT OF ME IN FULL. .. YOU TRAUMATIZE ME AT OTHER ATARBUCKS FOR NO FUCKING RRQSON .. and THIS WHERE LEE GARLINGTON GETS HAPPY YOURE GIVING HER WHAT SHE WANTS SATAN TO KILL OR OVWR RANK GOD … cool nice misery you’re spreading… WILLINGLY EVEN TO TEACH A LESSON .

ITS FUCKED UP SHES NOT UR SUPERIORITY IN THE STATION I AM WERE IN MARITIME LAW BEEN THERE MEANING I TAKE PRESSIDENT BUT YOU THINK “well she no know law in full so I do x t z behind the scenes that’s good enough..)

MY BRAIN STILL NUMB THATS WHY UR ANCESTORS STOP ME FROM HELPING YOU IN FULL. YOURE NOT HELPING MORTAL ME TO MY FACE !!!

[ooglywooglies]

back from first appointment today, i uh think i might be getting hormones on the 2nd of July, a little bummed its not IN june bc i think that would be funny, but i mean im kind of shocked at how fast its all happening, i went to like a specific clinic and they were like yeah we got a guy set up we can get this all started in like 2 weeks and i didnt even have any questions

also found this faygo at the convenience store, ive seen faygo before but ive never tried it and i like cotton candy stuff. its uh, i think its not very good but i kind of like it? idk its weird. its not carbonated like at all, i think it would be better if it was carbonated. it kind of tastes like water that had candy soaking in it. or like how that cotton candy body spray smells if it tasted like it smells. im keeping the bottle though its kinda cute

not once did doctor comment on my weight which is probably a first i was like my cholesterol is probably bad bc i only just started exercising again and he was like well exercising is important for any gender

so weird going to a doctor and immediately being on the same page as them, whenever ive gone to a doctor before about other problems usually theres always been a case of either theyre undermining me or IM undermining THEM bc im expecting them to undermine me and it was so nice to go and and both of us go like i trust you to be intelligent. esp bc part of my trans story is "i learned about being trans on the medical channel when i was 7 bc i watched the medical channel a lot as a child" so he was like yknow i guess it makes a lot of sense that youd be well informed then

also, i am american so it gets brought up EVERY TIME and i think its funny but its also kind of embarrassing when someone mentions my accent because i feel a little bit like a cartoon character, part of my brain is like yes im american, yes hamburger bald eagle freedom. i am sorry.

i think were gonna go for butt injection, he was like trying to scare me a bit with how painful it apparently is and i was like i just had the worst experience with needles in my mouth when i got my wisdom teeth pulled recently i can probably handle it, and he was like no i heard its worse and i was in my head like, maybe you dont understand how horrible that mouth needle was it was really bad

either way im not really afraid of the butt needle im not someone who is afraid of needles like literally at all

bit jealous of women getting to have a pill, i know some still get injections but having the option of a pill must be nice on some level

anyway yeah my next appointment is July 2nd and i have to manage to get in with the specialist (which i think is just gonna be similar to what we did today but like itll end with a big APPROVED stamp) and do blood work before that appointment

and were gonna work on top surgery, hes got a surgeon lined up i think we need a psych thing for that for like insurance reasons or something and then we need money (15,000 dollars!!!!!!!!!)

asked if i want bottom and i was like no bc its too expensive and he was like ok thats probably good no one around here is any good at it

[cosmossystem]

on the friend skills thing; most of those things, even though they feel pretty big, shouldnt be too big of a deal? like with the stuff youd have to remember, if you add them on pretty much any messaging app theyre gonna have a name listen, alot even let you set nicknames or add notes so you could add their pronouns onto that. there is programs to track birthdays, along with pretty much any calendar thing (plus most friends will tell you like 2-3 days beforehand in my experience). friends of friends dont really matter until they become just friends, bc if a friend of friend is there they will probably be called their name atleast once by the shared friend. trying to analyze mannerisms & trying to say the right things are,, okay, fair, but to be honest you probably wont need to care about those past the first meeting because with good enough communication they dont rlly matter. like, if youre confused or wanna know if theyr upset you can just ask. if you cross or go close to a boundary theyll clarify it and then you can respect it moving forwards (also, if youre scared you wont remember, 1. thats fine, they can always state it again and you try again and 2. you could always keep notes on them, their interests, boundaries, etc). you can always reclarify a message or go 'nvm'. and also ive always heard the "be yourself!" advice, like uhh, dont over-salt yourself with trying to be normal and do the right thing in friendship, bc then all thats gonna attract is people who .. suck. idk where i was going with that metaphor. basically dont overpower 'you' with trying to do what others want. or something, idk. also yeah theres gonna be people who dont like you, and that sucks but what can ya do besides try again. also maybe check if theres any meetups around you? because even if you dont keep them as friends it still gets you around people! dont worry too much about having those as friends forever or whatever, just see them as a starting point.

this all sounds great in theory but doesn't actually help me. i was just mostly listing hypotheticals with things that make relationships more complicated to navigate. like i've never actually gotten far enough into a relationship to worry about birthdays except for once, and we were barely friends by the time their birthday rolled around, but i write down important details that i don't want to forget. or i would if there were any!!!

the problem is that every part of the process of actually getting to know someone sucks. you have to meet them and then you have to talk to them. i don't like talking and if i could, my entire life i would be mute. but sure let's start with the meeting:

i go out of my way to speak to people in meatspace. it usually doesn't work. like, i go to cons. i'll try to chat with people but most are already there with friends anyway and don't care. i mean no one wants to let anyone in their clique anymore. when i was younger i almost got adopted by a friendgroup because i was 14 and in cosplay but then no one spoke to me and my mom was just awkwardly standing like ten feet away and so we left. as for "going to meetups" that'd be great except i can't go anywhere because i can't drive yet, so i'm stuck dragging along a 50-year-old asshole with me everywhere and that scares people off. until i get to college that's my only option. (and guess what? when you have an abusive piece of shit parent, that parent doesn't want to leave you places alone. so even if i told her "hey drop me off here and return in two hours" she just won't.)

so i'm left to try to meet people online. that's harder than you think. if you try to meet people organically in your community, there's a bunch of barriers to it. on tumblr specifically even attempting to find people i could tolerate is hard. i block the weirdos but it doesn't leave many options (everyone has a dni these days, which is fine, but i'm usually on it somewhere.) and let's say i finally find someone. well i want to try sending asks but i have nothing to say. i already know "hey how are you?" won't get me anywhere and if i get someone in my dms the conversation eventually dies out.

i tried going onto other social medias but that just really means twitter because i don't understand how instagram works. when i was on tiktok, no one talks to each other and so that's a bust. on twitter there's a different Social Ecosystem (meaning more invisible rules i have to figure out. what the fuck do all of these abbreviations mean? i don't reply to anyone because it feels needlessly direct, but that's the only way people communicate on twitter, and if i DO reply i never get a reply back so i look crazy. etc) and be honest, everyone on twitter is more insane than here.

i don't do discords because every time i've been in a discord it's either way too busy to actually get to know anyone, someone starts some kind of drama, or i'm inevitably the odd one out because i don't talk as much. i thought group chats would be an easier way to socialize but it turns out i hate those too.

i don't feel like i'm really speaking to someone on the internet. it feels more like a magic box i type in and sometimes i get a response. i don't get attached to people both online or offline because i've never known someone for more than a few weeks/months and even people i see at cons all the time, that's only twice a year maybe and we never follow each other's socials because I Don't Have Any. yes i've made them no i don't use them insta sucks tt sucks no one has a twitter and no one remembers me.

and when i, finally, have enough good days and make it work for long enough to feel like i'm "friends" with someone (mind you i have never had a "best friend" or even known someone for longer than a few months) at some point, i will either miss a message for a day or two, then feel so bad about that that i give up on trying with them; or i manage to convince myself that they hate me.

it seems like the only way is to talk to someone directly and it sucks. i don't like it. i never get past the initial Polite Chit Chat portion. i don't know how to. and if i try, i inenvitably sabotage myself somehow or i ghost them or. i don't know. it just hasn't worked. i feel like every social interaction is a puzzle and everyone knows the answers except me. i want friends but i just don't care about people because i've never had a reason to care about people.

and i say all of this as i ignore maybe a dozen discord messages. because my social meter is shot. just totally drained. every time i write something i have to script it, that takes hours, it's draining, and so i section off a portion of my day to it but then i get a message back immediately and i'm already drained. i can't talk to people forever it's tiring to me i dread having to do it. but none of that matters because i don't message people back immediately, so they start to think i don't care about them. and maybe i don't.

ok i'm still sobbing and have more to say but. this is long enough. it's not proofread. bon appetit

cass

[squuote]

anyone else kinda just have that moment where they have trouble feeling like they belong?? Or just having trouble talking or being social in general? Been kinda going through this for a few days and although I wanna talk with my friends I feel like I’m too weird or they’ll be bored or annoyed with me,,, I know that’s not the case!! But I just can’t seem to throw the idea out of my head ;;

[ants-personal]

........

[vegalocity]

What would happen if Syntax actually did get cured of the venom? Would he still want to hang around Huntsman and Goliath or would he Think 'huh. Maybe having the people who KIDNAPPED ME around me and my family Probably isn't the best idea.' - Pixel Anon

Uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah I think the answer is Not Good Things Will Happen. I think the answer is ‘Y’all are down an integral clan member hope you didn’t have any plans that hinged on technology or science in general right now.’

Honestly I think you don’t even need to throw Minyi and Xiuying into that equation to make that the answer. Even if you assume Syntax was essentially just alone in the world before spiderfication if he got the spider limbs pulled off and the venom drained from his system, no matter WHAT his Backstory is i think he’d just book it, he’d be OUTTA THERE he is GONE. He’s running before the purple has fully faded from his skin.

And when you THROW IN the ladies, then… well even more so. He’s got Minyi in one arm, a duffel bag in the other and loading into the gd car headed for Xiuying’s cabin to lay low for awhile.

(this gets long so it's under the cut)

Like, most people like to assume that there was a sort of… adjustment period when he had just been spiderfied, usually the flavor of ‘someone (usually Huntsman) reminding him of how he is at his base a human, not a spider, not one of them, and the second he stops being useful is the second he’s only good for how he’ll taste’ and even if he wasn’t afraid of whoever it was in the moment, confident in his ability to manuver extra limbs that aren’t there anymore and speed that wasn’t there either, all the physical additions that being a Spider Demon had are suddenly gone and that threat about being the next meal for the clan suddenly feels a lot more real. Even IF the others had actually grown attached to him and Minyi and even Xiuying, the fact of the matter is if these people decided to kill them all he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Something I could see having kind of a ‘disney channel cartoon’ resolution in this setup is a thing idk if i’ve mentioned before involving Minyi or not. Bc Minyi, as i know i have mentioned, fucking HATES Spider Queen, and at first for awhile there she was very vocal about it, she hated that her dad was working for her, she hated that he wanted her approval, and most of all she hated that whenever she’d say any of that to him, he’d just sort of… not listen.

Even when even Minyi knows what she’s talking about is silly or irrational, she never really feels like Daddy isn’t listening. Even when she’s wrong and he has to explain to her what it was that was wrong, she still felt like he was listening to her as she talked. But not this. Never this. Minyi’s an observant child, her plotline hinges on it, so she knows when Adults tune her out, she knows when she’s being condescended to. And when Daddy tells her that of course he wants to stay Loyal to Spider Queen and she’s Really Cool Actually she can tell he wasn’t listening to a word she’d actually said. Because he never mentions forgiving her for stealing him, or that he knows it might look like she pushes him around but he knows he’s always in control of the situation, or anything that would actually ANSWER her questions or settle her worries. She just… might as well have stomped her foot and yelled like she was half her age.

And now that his head is clear he can look back on that and be… embarrassed? guilty? His daughter was warning him that whole time out of honest fear and concern that she only barely had the vocabulary and emotional complexity to understand And he brushed her off as if it was nothing. And to rub some salt into it now that his head is clear and the unrelenting force of the Spider demanding subserviance to the Queen is gone it’s obvious that his fucking six year old was right about his ‘boss’ being bad news. So of course he figures he owes Minyi an apology, but Minyi’s just happy that he’s listening to her again so it���s all okay in the end.

And if this is the Cyberhunt timeline then can I get an F in the chat for Huntsman? Bc he ain’t even getting a breakup scene, i don’t think he’d even get a letter outside of the ‘I’m leaving the clan and leaving the city with my family. Don’t try to find us’ that goes out to all of the clan (maybe even still implying that Syntax DOES still have that Spider amplification in him so it’s not just a flimsy ‘stay away’ from an equally flimsy human)

I could see Syntax as being pretty mad at himself for letting the relationship happen at all in that context. Like yeah, his brain was all scrambled up and he can’t ACTUALLY be held accountable for decisions made with the fact that he wasn’t really in his right mind for the whole thing, but it still happened. But now it’s over, and- and it was just some echo of venom that hadn’t quite metabolized yet that left a bitter taste in his mouth to acknowledge that those people weren’t really friends, that he wasn’t really-... His brain is still re-adjusting, he’ll be fine in time.

Minyi I don't think would quite get certain parts about this, in her mind, the big boss is always the bad guy and the other people around are just as scared of the big boss as the person they’re bullying. So to her only Spider Queen was the bad guy. So when Daddy turned back to normal and said that they weren’t safe from the bad guys anymore and needed to go stay at Auntie Xiuying’s cabin for awhile she’d thought that Uncle Huntsman and Uncle Goliath hadn’t come along simply because Uncle Goliath didn’t fit in the car. That they’d catch up with them soon. Because surely, they’d ALL be running away from the REAL bad guy together.

So, she figures they must have gotten lost and had to head back home. Thats not good, surely that means she needs to help them find their way here like how she helped Daddy find his way home. Auntie and Daddy were both too scared of Spider Queen finding them to contact her uncles, but Minyi knew how to evade that!

She knows Uncle Huntsman likes to hang out at their apartment because he loves Daddy (she’ll keep that to herself for now, grownups don’t believe in happily ever afters) so if she mails a letter to the apartment he might find it when he eventually comes over.

She knows Uncle Huntsman doesn’t like puzzles, but he’s good with them when its something important. So she makes a cipher and writes the letter in it, copies down the decoder, and chops it up into distinct shapes, seals it all up in a letter closes the envelope with a sticker on it, and slips it into the mailbox.

Eventually Huntsman does find the letter, written in childish scrawl, the puzzle to decode the letter, and the knowledge that theres only one child on this entire damn continent that would be this obnoxiously enigmatic about sending a fucking letter.

But whatever, he wasn’t gonna do anything except sit in the apartment surrounded by things left behind and feel sorry for himself--er, that is, scavenge for anything that could be used by the Queen and take advantage of the internal heating. So he may as well do something. So he puts together the decoder, she’d just sliced it into fourths. Then translated the letter.

“Hi Uncle Huntsman! If you’re reading this that means you unlocked my letter! Yay! I knew you could! So I know you and Uncle Goliath want to leave the bad lady’s clan too and I know you’re only not here because you guys got lost.” and she just… gave them the coordinates for the place her family was hiding away. (not REALLY hiding, it wouldn’t have taken much to track down the cabin’s whereabouts through Xiuying, but the secluded nature of the cabin may as well have been)

I guess… the way the story ends depends on how you want it to end. Because Huntsman has three options, but really only two. Does he accept defeat and burn the letter, or does he do something with the information he now has? Either way he’d be betraying the queen, but he doesn’t have it in him to turn in the coordinates of their lost clan member and his family. Not this time.

There’s this youtuber i like called Breadsword, he does movie analysis, and in his video about Millenium Actress he says something along the lines of ‘My favorite moment in a romance is somewhere in the last ten minutes, after we’ve followed our characters through the buildup, payoff, and premature destruction of what they had, as they go their separate ways and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t meant to last, one rejects it and takes flight in pursuit of the other... our dreams and our love are the only things truly worth running in the name of.

[darkelite020]

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 12

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- So I sort of expected it by the end of last episode but it seems like last episode was a start of an episode arc about hera's family, which, for rebel's fans I'm sure it's cool and exciting and maybe answers some questions or will actually show things discussed in rebels maybe, but as someone who hasn't seen rebels yet, I really hope this episode and the next few have more bad batch screentime, cause we were a little robbed last episode lol (but in a way I do still enjoy this stuff too, because im sure when I DO watch rebels it'll make the experience better). -- I'm not disliking this arc or anything, but up to this point we've kind of had almost mandalorian style 'one episode one adventure' sorts of episodes, and personally I really hope we get more of that (which I think we will), because while this is all new content and everything, we all have to admit clone wars had some less interesting filler arcs here and there, and I just hope bb doesn't fall the same way (across all of its seasons, im not very concerned about it so far from what we've seen of season 1) because if there is filler, I'd rather sit through a couple of the one episode stories, rather than a 3-4 episode story that takes nearly a month to get through if im disliking it, mostly for the fact that even if we got those 1 ep fillers, its more stories and more likely I'd like at least one. ---kinda rambling about this unnecessarily atm cause while again right now I think bb is fine, I just want the future to be that way too. - fffff every time I see howzer on screen I think of that fucking audio thats "here comes the boy, hello boy~" and honestly can you blame me he is so precious like ugh I swear dave you better be nice to him -- YOU CAN TELL HE FEELS SO BAD AND GUILTY LIKE IT HURTS - hey admiral can you not be MEAN to howzer when he is trying to be fucking helpful -- ;-; BRO im saying it so much already but I feel so bad for howzer like dude someone help him --- imo it feels like its sort of setting up howzer for something more important in the show kinda, at least for his character. Like we can clearly tell he doesn't really agree with the empire and I think they're going to do something with that. He's probably undercover for someone against the empire but I get the bad feeling they're gonna pull a Fives and have him go against the empire and help everyone else somehow but then he will probably end up dead because we cant have nice things. - hello cross... bet you wont be saved this episode - Ok good, some more bad batch here already. -- ALSO GONKY BEING DEFECTIVE!!!! EVEN GONKY IS DEFECTIVE LIKE BB THATS SO CUTE! - uh, im not the only one getting the leia transmission vibes from hera, right? -- ok, again I haven't seen rebels so I dont know BUT if hera has the ability to talk to bb, couldn't she have done so in rebels? Yeah she's older and im sure better at fighting and defending herself and all that, but wouldn't it still be possible for her to have gotten in some kind of rough situation in Rebels to ask for bb's help again? I super doubt bb made any appearance of any kind in Rebels, so doesn't that imply that she lost communications with them? What happens to bad batch >> - bad batch not wanting to help but because omega really wants to you can see its making hunter soften up and I appreciate it - bruh what??? Taa is dead af, like theres no way the show is gonna pull some magic and be like 'oh yep here he is' thing??? Like this has to be a lie, but even then, what even is the plan here?? Saying "oh hes recovering" well he can't be recovering forever, how does that seem like a good plan to lie about that?? People are gonna find out?? - "Great just what we need" from Wrecker about crosshair MAKES ME ANGRY LIKE??? YES?? DONT BE MAD AT HIM ITS NOT HIS FAULT??? SAVE YOUR FUCKING BOY??? -- oooo then the rest of bb doesn't comment about it literally gsjrkgbdkfbg why do they not care about him???? Like it seems they legitimately dont care about crosshair, even though theyve been together for so long like even before the show came out they

had history together and were all really close. I know people argue "oh well its just difficult to save him and its unrealistic for them right now" but so what? Even if they aren't trying to save him they should at least CARE about him. --- Which is also like the thing with echo and fives!!!! Like Echo didn't seem to care much at all when Rex mentioned fives even a little! Or even about seeing Rex that much!! Dave I'm gonna need some answers my guy, cause you humanized these characters but then you dont make them act that way so like whats up. - Lucky hunters abilities came in handy - Back to crosshair for a second im predicting they 100% arent saving him this season. There was a poster released part way through the season and he's not even on it... makes me so sad. - "I'd do the same for you." ;-; that didnt need to get that deep - CROSSHAIR BETTER NOT START SHIT WITH HOWZER - Howzer helping Hera's parents or at least implying that is good but that also means im right so far and therefore worried >> -- HES GOING TO GET FUCKING CAUGHT I BET TALKING TO THEM LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT AND HOW MUCH DO YOU WANNA BET ITS GONNA BE CROSSHAIR THAT CATCHES HIM --- Cham stfu its literally so obvious that howzer is trying to be genuine, also if he's kind of undercover for him like what the fuck do you expect howzer to do if he has to play along with the empire to keep his cover?? "Won't make that mistake again" Fuck off like honestly. ---- #stopbeingmeantohowzer2021 - "A little help" and the gentle "Hey" ahh love it - I'm really enjoying this whole them fighting in the ships sequence - "Stay here and guard the capitol" SCARES ME -- Please for the love of god bad batch don't get howzer killed --- or plot B Bad batch maybe run into howzer but save him and take him with you at least temporarily ---- oh god.... bb is helping heras parents escape and that means howzers gonna get in trouble.../probably replaced by crosshair - Crosshair is smart but thats also badddd - The scene of howzer and crosshair looking at each other is killing meeeeeeeee - Ohhh is howzer gonna stop them before they go out the door? -- YES HE IS SEE WHAT A GOOD BOY HE IS - (please fucking listen to him I beg) - Aw dude I just had a thought that breaks my heart... howzer cares about his squad and "trying to get through to them" but what if his squad is clones as well and the chips... that hurts me so badly... -- Like we all know howzer is a sweet boy by now but ughhh like the thought that he doesnt want to leave them even though they are doing whats wrong shows just how much he cares and I really hope he doesn't get into trouble because of what he's saying to them, but you know he totally would do it because he seems to care about them so much and :( bad batch more like sad batch --- This is the kind of compassion I wanted from bb for crosshair hunter kind of looks back at howzer as they leave him and I doubt itll mean anything but I really hope that maybe seeing how much howzer cares will make hunter care a little too... - *sigh* howzer is getting left behind by them which we know why but yeah... now he's definitely going to be in trouble... I just hope they don't hurt him... - OH GOD HOWZER BABY DONT -- He's making a speech and I know he's trying to sway them but you know damn well this is gonna go so badly for him because of the chips and crosshair is watching so you know howzer is gonna get fucked here and I know what hes trying for but I really wish he didnt just do that because now its blatantly obvious he's gonna be against them ;-; - Wow ok im kinda shocked people are siding with him (I guess cause theyre not all clones right) but I feel so bad for themmmmm - Crosshair missed multiple shots? Uh what? I didnt think that was possible lol - bb please come back for howzer and the others at some point.... -- I guess maybe if hera's parents are going to organize rebels against the empire maybe they will help them but I somewhat doubt it... - Ok I know that crosshair requesting to hunt them was supposed to be this big moment and all but I

can't help but feel like its a little underwhelming (but dont get me wrong still cool vibes) because he's kind of already been doing that anyway?? Or has tried to several times?? So I don't get why its a big deal, however, I do have a possible prediction: We know that bb got their chips removed, (crosshair doesn't, I know that) and so that eliminates the idea that they will get caught and actually go bad like crosshair, but it does leave a possibility where maybe they get captured and then *pretend* to be bad? And that could lead to a better possibility of helping crosshair (they wont) or maybe howzer and the other rebels or something? Cause I also feel like its significant that they brought up how the war will eventually come to them and bb will be a part of it no matter what eventually, and it makes obvious sense theyd be on the rebels side of it, so maybe something like that goes on, idk.

[flockofdoves]

putting this under a cut for anyone not caught up to the last 2 episodes of the magnus archives (but especially could spoil people not up to the end of season 4 even by just glancing) but i just had some thoughts about what was uttered in the background throughout

okay so like. obviously theres a lot going on here when actually reading out the official transcript of what jonah was saying in the background the episodes 192 and 193 but just to list some stuff thats sticking out to me

ok so going like. kinda backwards here in the order of whats said here but

the last half of the second to last section to the middle of the last section seem to very obviously be describing when oliver banks fully chose to become an avatar

“there is nothing he can do from here upon the threshold to a house she almost knows to be a home” makes me think this is referring to salesa’s house (edit after 196. maybe makes more sense for it to be the house on hilltop road) and the “she” here is annabelle cane

the first part i was interpreting as being about jonah in elias’s body and how in his current position where he is looking at things very big picture he’s realizing what oliver said about the inevitability of death

but also rereading while i’m not holding as much water to this interpretation because the eye can’t predict the future or anything (although i guess even with the first interpretation it sounds a bit speculative. but since jon said he thinks the eye wants him to take jonah’s place thats still a bit less of a stretch for me) i got myself freaked out that “stained with red that’s not his blood whose blood he bled but this is not from him and yet he knows he loved this blood when once it beat within a heart that joined to his through choice or circumstance” and a lot of the surrounding paragraph instead of referring to jonah in elias’s body could also actually be about jon and martin and whatever tragedy this all might end in. actually the more i read this the more i’m scared this might not be about elias realizing the flaws in his plan and the more i worry its about jon. maybe jon is paying attention to all jonah is saying and already knows how to interpret all this and still is going through with everything even if its futile

not really sure! theres a lot going on in this but at the very least it seems to be emphasizing the power of the web and the end even in a world of the eye. sure do keep looking at the line “hands that might be moved by others or that might just now be his”

some of the parts about “her” seem to be talking about annabelle’s path to becoming an avatar? and the way it flows into the part about oliver very much makes it seem like she/the web had a role in that. which isn’t surprising considering when oliver talks to jon while hes in his coma and tells him he needs to make the choice essentially whether to die or fully become an avatar he says

and then speaking of characters annabelle hangs around not sure what it means really but theres this description of what happened right after salesa secured the broken lensed camera before he faked his death, admittedly i’d normally interpret this as having something to do with the vast so maybe im leaning too much on this right now but this does remind me a bit of the descriptions of what were happening during olivers choice here. so idk. something about the web weaving all of this together for some goal

i feel like theres so much just out of my grasp with this!!!! i dont know!! i feel so close to things clicking though! which i guess makes sense since we’re so close to the end now hahah wow... regardless though both very excited and dreading to see this all play out i can feel something so terrible among all this

[macgyvertape]

50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

 i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her.  I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy.  Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area  good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others.  I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail.  I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work. 

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong...  lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).