#but there's drusilla feelings and there's angelus feelings and there's darla feelings

[winepresswrath]

hm i think what i want is darla/drusilla/spike set after angelus leaves them again when she's still sort of bouncing between them and the master and spike and darla are like we're creatures of the night we don't have feelings least of all about each other and drusilla is like "i miss daddy. i'm sad when grandmother goes away." and spike and darla accidentally make eyecontact about it.

[gerardwaygirlmoments]

What We Do in Sunnydale: An AU

At the command of the Master to conquer the new world, Darla, Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla travel from the UK to the USA and eventually end up in Sunnydale, California. There, Angelus meets Buffy, a woman who wishes to become a vampire, so she becomes his familiar for some time. Unbeknownst to them all, she is the Slayer. On the night of the Master's arrival in Sunnydale and Buffy's tenth anniversary, some other humans start a documentary about the vampire household. Hilarity and drama ensues.

[thequeenofsastiel]

Back to Soulless Spike. I just rewatched 4x07, and, despite the fact that Spike was planning on killing her, when Willow expressed insecurity about the fact that Spike couldn't bite her, instead of ignoring it or mocking her, he comforted her. Granted, it was by telling her that he totally wanted to bite her and wasn't just settling on her because Buffy wasn't around, but still. That streak of gentleness that I mentioned in my earlier post was showing. It demonstrated that, in a way, his instinct when someone was being emotionally vulnerable around him was to offer comfort. Can you imagine Darla, Drusilla, or Angelus caring in a moment like that at all about the feelings of their intended victim? Like, Spike had just noticed that when he tried to kill her, a blinding pain erupted in his head. Other vampires would be entirely consumed by that. But he still took a moment to try to make her feel better about herself. He cared about her emotions. Which is so fucking bizarre. He raped, tortured, and murdered people. And yet, when a young woman was sitting in front of him expressing low self esteem, his instinct was to comfort her. He was so kind that Willow forgot herself for a moment and offered to let him try to kill her again in half an hour.

I'll say it again: Soulless Spike is the most fascinating character in the Buffyverse.

[camellcat]

I can't remember where I saw this hc and it's absolutely killing me but I adoreee the idea that your last moments before you get turned into a vampire are what define you

angelus was being a violent pos and looking for a woman to end out his night. I don't doubt for a second he wouldn't have just taken what he wanted if darla wasn't willing. he was running high on cruelty for the fun of it, and becoming a vampire only exaggerated it forever

spike was reeling from a broken heart. his only desire was to love and be loved, but he'd also just been heavily ridiculed and was feeling embarrassed and angry. those insecurities and feelings were frozen in the moment dru turned him and, just like angelus, were only heightened once he'd become a vampire

darla was on her deathbed, and believed a priest was what had come to save her soul. that religious devotion carried over into her death, leading her with a strong sense of how she sees and acts as a vampire. also, the way she dresses. ofc it's probably just because of she was a sex worker, but it could also be a way to cover up the way she felt when she was sick. can't doll yourself up if you can't even get out of bed

drusilla had to deal with... well, angelus. poor girl was already explained in the shows quite clearly and I don't really feel like getting into it myself

but, oooo. doesn't it all just make perfect sense?

[raisedbythetv89]

Ok ooooook OK SO.

Spike was literally made for Buffy because he was made for and by Drusilla, and Buffy and Dru are the same person:

Innocent, kind-hearted young girls, with special gifts that cause them to carry more guilt/burden than others and they are used/abused/traumatized by angelus/angel, then neglected and abandoned, with Spike being there to pick up the pieces and nurture, care for, and love them the best he can to help them move past their angel trauma (which is actually an impossible task with Drusilla because of the sire aspect but isn’t with Buffy)

WHICH is why I believe William’s first act as a vampire was to try and save his mother. He was literally created to be Dru’s knight. Not only her protector but her healer. Which is why his first instinct when it should be all about blood lust is instead, to heal his mother who he still loves even as a vampire. I mean even Dru, a certified nutcase, is like you wanna do WHAT?!?! When Spike tells her his plan to save his mom😹

This is also why I believe angel trying to mold Spike into his image never really took or rather Spike was able to break free from it. Angel was created by darla for the intent of death, torment and destruction.

Spike was created to care for and love Dru. Which required an OBSCENE amount of patience, determination, humility, and love of a challenge. Which is why he was so intrigued by slayers, another seemingly impossible task - but the joy/fun was in the TRYING, the thrill of the unknown and the unpredictability of it all. Which are all the traits he needed to be there for both Dru and Buffy while also ensuring he never gives up on them as long as they want him there, and then some lol.

IM FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS

Because also this is soooooo not where I planned on going with this but “I was made to love you” episode title is now drawing in the connection of, is this why Spike didn’t initially see the problem with the Buffy-Bot until he saw the reaction of Buffy herself who often acts as his moral compass as he relearns what is “good” after 100+ years living by vamp code because him AS A HUMAN, in his vulnerable, dejected and devastated state was killed and made into a vampire for the sole purpose of loving and caring for Drusilla selflessly, without regard for himself, much like the bots were!! So why would he see the harm in creating something like that for himself when no one was going to die in the process and it meant he could stop fixating in the real buffy? Both of which to a vamp who’s only been trying to live by human morals again for like 14 episodes vs 120 years with NO help just trial and erroring his way through becoming a white hat which his starting point is “I would like credit for not taking advantage of bleeding disaster victims” and “what do you mean building a shrine to show how deep my devotion is and chaining you up, offering to kill my ex, and forcing you to talk to me and admit your feelings aren’t the way to do this??” 😹😹😹 like he gets it so wrong, it’s comical in season 5 because he truly is so earnest about all of it because while yes it is all for a chance with Buffy, he genuinely wants to be better for her so he can earn that chance. As he says to Riley “a fellas gotta try” after saying he doesn’t think he has a chance with her.

He was an Eleanore who desperately needed his Chidi. Which Buffy is his moral compass but she ends up being a “let them fail/push them into the deep end” kind of guide. So he makes A LOT of mistakes along the way as many of us often do in general but especially those of us who were raised by abusive parents; who in our adulthood, have to learn to discern what is healthy vs abusive to be a good person to both yourself and others and be in actual healthy relationships with boundaries and respect with zero practical experience or good instincts to go on.

NONE of this excuses any harm that Spike causes at all. That is not the point of this to say “oh he didn’t really do bad”, no he did. Spike caused a lot of harm but this perspective that I’ve finally been able to put into words is why none of the harm ends up being a deal breaker for me and many spuffys because it puts his choices in the right perspective which is not that of a human even though he looks like one a lot of the time.

Spike pre-soul, making the mistakes he makes isn’t the same as a human or a vamp with a human soul making the mistakes because he doesn’t have his human soul motivating and informing the decisions he makes. It really mimics different cultures in a lot of ways as anya really demonstrates during her wedding with all her talk of demon culture and tradition (and her own struggles to assimilate into the human world again and she HAS a human soul and xander to help her) and the initiative being VERY n*zi coded and Riley being called a bigot because he is ignorant to much of demonology. So un-souled spike has a more potential for forgiveness of his mistakes than human soul havers because he is always genuinely TRYING to do right by Buffy even when he gets it horribly wrong. And the characters in the show always hold him accountable and make him feel TERRIBLE for the mistakes he makes.

Why does he have such potential for forgiveness you ask? The best example is to think of the concept of someone trying to assimilate themselves into a new culture. We can’t expect them to blend right in perfectly and get all the culture norms right, right away (again -anya-but also a real life example - when I travel in Italy and catch up with friends there I STILL always stumble and forget they’re always gonna go in for a double cheek kiss greeting - pre covid anyway - and I KNOW it’s a thing but if I’m out of practice it takes me a while to start greeting people that way again and it makes for some AWKWARD ENCOUNTERS until I get it down😹). It takes time, and normally guidance and patience from others that spike honestly doesn’t often have except in the form of being yelled at or beat up until he gets his soul. But his willingness to TRY anyways despite failure, rejection, ridicule and cruelty. How can I not love him?? He is me, I am him!! I was also met with so much unhelpful criticism and cruelty when I was just trying to learn and do a good job.

Both as someone who is autistic and didn’t know it for a lot of life; I too felt like I was blundering through without a guide or a rule book and I was sure I was making mistakes because people would get upset but I had NO help identifying what exactly I did wrong or what to do instead. So I knew I was messing up but had to keep guessing and trying anyway and getting it wrong again and again!

And as someone raised by an emotionally distant/abusive narcissist, navigating healthy relationships became even MORE difficult and I made a lot of bad choices along the way that landed me in some awful relationships much like what spike and Buffy devolve into towards the end of season 6 because both of them are up stream without a paddle when it comes to healthy relationships, healthy coping mechanisms, and communication. They know pain, avoidance, fighting, torment, and ecstasy from always living in extremes and life or death situations (notice Buffy struggles the most in the season with no threat of the apocalypse until the last two episodes - season 6 - which is SO common for people with trauma, you really fall apart when things are low stakes)

It’s why the tenderness and gentleness of season 7 means SO MUCH. Both of them experiencing these tiny pockets of true peace with each other after everything they’ve been through individually and together. Experiencing true peace like we see from them is one of the hardest things to accomplish if you have severe trauma.

I’m always really happy when I can digest these complex themes enough to communicate why I love them so much and why they’re so important to me. The fact that this show had so much in-fighting amongst the writers and misogynists trying to make spike pathetic and accidentally making him one of the most complex characters, plus episodes based specifically on neurodivergent/queer peoples’ traumatic coming of age experiences because the parallels are SO strong there no way they’re not lol. This all means I can probably spend the rest of my life dissecting the layers of this show and learning about myself in the process and always find something new 🙃🙃🙃 and clearly I love all aspects of spuffy so god damn much as they each embody a big part of my life experiences in so many beautiful yet tragic ways.

[vargamornight]

angel and spike's relationship and their eligibility for the shanshu prophecy have got my brain on puree and i'm tossing episodes in one at a time

when spike was first turned, immortality was a gift. he could live forever! the first goddamn thing he did was go to his mother and turn her. he told dru the three of them can travel the world together! it didn’t go well, but that was okay, because he still had dru, and she was his everything. she was his whole world, his sire, the woman who gave him life. she was his destiny. spike-as-william was perfectly content to just live with drusilla, and angel and darla, because he loved dru, and she loved them. they were family, they were his home, and that was all he ever wanted. just somewhere to belong.

and that pissed angelus right the fuck off. angelus, whose first act as a vampire was to kill his father, whose love for darla was more like rage, who took every opportunity to slaughter and bathe in the blood of innocents, could not fucking stand that this guy was just like "hahaha that was so funny when you killed that guy. anyway, i think i'm just gonna go hang out with dru." angelus didn’t want love, or peace, or contentment. he wanted to rip heads off of shoulders, eat babies, and rape teenaged girls. seeing spike so well adjusted made him genuinely angry, so he did something that he knew would ruffle spike's calm: he slept with dru.

ever since then, they've hated each other. angel literally started it, but neither of them was ever particularly kind about their retaliation. angel tortured spike emotionally and psychologically for like a hundred years, and spike had angel physically tortured for like, three whole hours for information, plus spike definitely went after buffy (in more ways than one) just to piss off angel. but even without a soul, spike was never anywhere near as bad as angel. not even close.

so angel gets a soul. it's an enormous burden, because of how much of a shitstain he's been for the past 150 years or whatever, and he suddenly is capable of guilt again. it's a curse.

(but then he sees a 14 year old girl, the one girl in the world who might put him out of his misery, and he, a 27-slash-200 year old man, literally immediately decides he's in love with that 14 year old girl. okay dude. sure.)

angel becomes a good guy and joins the fight against evil, instead of just eating rats and not dying, because he wants the girl to like him. she does, they bang, he loses his soul again, tortures her psychologically, kills some people, gets sent to a hell dimension, gets out, and leaves. honestly, can't blame him for that one.

angel leaves buffy voluntarily so that he won't/can't hurt her by being a shitstain without a soul again.

and then there's spike. spike basically just noodles around, delivering threatening monologues from rooftops while watching one protagonist or another, and it's very cool and scary until it's time for the dastardly plan to kick in, at which point everything immediately falls apart like a cartoon car with no bolts, leaving spike blinking comically, holding a steering wheel and sitting on air. spike refers to angel as a drama queen several times, and he's not wrong, but he is very hypocritical.

spike gets to sunnydale and goes after buffy for fun, fails terribly, then succeeds at kidnapping angel, who he needs because dru, the light of his life, his moon and stars, his effulgent beauty, his destiny, is not feeling well and he needs the blood of her sire to heal her. that's it. no real ulterior motive, no "i'm gonna getcha" threats, just. business. his wife is sick and he's getting her magical chicken noodle soup. it just so happens that the chicken in said soup is angel, and spike has no problem with that.

then he continues noodling around, tortures angel about a ring, fails terribly, goes back to sunnydale, and immediately gets caught and collared by the literally underground military group operating out of a california college campus. and then he can't hurt humans anymore without getting a migraine, and he's the world's biggest baby, so he is effectively neutered from here on out.

gradually, he learns to be less of a shithead, and falls for buffy the real way, the long way, the hard way—he sees her, and he knows her, and he learns to respect and love her. he is dogged in his pursuit of her. relentless. because even when she tells him to back off, she kisses him right after. she's putting on a show for the benefit of her own pride, and he knows that, and he understands, because he believes it when she says he's beneath her. he knows it. he's not good enough for her, and he never could be.

but he could be better.

so he leaves. he goes and gets his soul back. he fights tooth and nail to get it, almost dying several times in the process. because he's not being cursed with a soul—he's earning his. he's proving, once and for all, to himself, to angel, to buffy, to everyone, that he is better than what everyone thought he could ever be.

and, just in case anyone had any doubt, he goes back to sunnydale and he does the one thing angel could never do: he gives his life to save the goddamn world. burns up, knowing he's leaving buffy behind, knowing there's no coming back from this. knowing, ultimately, this is the only thing worth doing. he dies, not for buffy, but because it's the right thing to do.

and that pisses angel off, too.

he's like, why the fuck should it be so easy for him? all he has to do is die and now suddenly he's a hero? a champion? angel's spent a thousand years suffering! that has to be worth more! that has to mean he's the better man! because if he's not, if spike can be weighed against angel and find a balanced scale, then he suffered for nothing! and spike barely suffered at all! (factually untrue, but angel doesn't exactly see clearly when it comes to his protege) so, no. he does not keep his cool when it turns out spike is eligible for the shanshu prophecy just as much as angel

and the reason for all of angel's dumbfuck behavior is made all too clear when he tries to convince spike not to claim the shanshu prophecy for himself: "it's a burden. a cross. you have to live."

diagnosis: terminal catholicism

angel is catholic and spike is not and that's why all of this happened the way it did.

p.s. also: SPIKE WITH A SOUL WAS NOT A DIFFERENT MAN THAN THE SPIKE WITHOUT A SOUL WHO LEARNED TO BE GOOD. he put the fucking work in, he just needed it to be official. like a high school diploma. "went through hell and here's the proof."

p.p.s. also: the initial angelus getting mad was because angelus totally wanted to fuck spike, took him on a date, and spike bailed to hang out with dru, so angelus had revenge sex with dru. canon.

[initiumseries]

again ship bangle all you like but angel is a predator and if you wanna believe his love for buffy reforms him great but that doesn’t erase his past crimes. that’d be like saying bill compton’s rapes are all ok because we didn’t explicit scenes or hear pam or lenora outright say the word.

"Anonymous asked:

It is implied many times and it’s confirmed in ats. when he was angelus he raped women, he definitely raped dru. and you don’t need to ship smudgy or sprusilla to know this you just need to like dru and not need to have shit that is implied several times spelled out for you"

Ok. I'm pointing out you did not answer my question. So I'll help you:

BTVS and AtS as shows are not particularly subtle even in their implications. A couple examples: in Lie to Me (s02 ep07), Buffy talks about how Ford's rejection of her meant she cried in her room listening to the song "I Touch Myself", and then quickly covers up that she didn't know what the song was about.

Everyone's moved on and then Willow realizes what the song is about without saying what it's about - that's basically how the show handles implication. Another example is in Beauty and the Beasts (s03e04), it's heavily implied that Debbie is in an abusive relationship with Pete. Her dialogue with Oz uses the language of an abused woman, as it does with Willow and Buffy when they confront her, and as so when Pete verbally berates Debbie and scares her, and she ends up comforting Pete while he still blames her for his outburst. They use Pete turning into a *literal* monster to supernaturalify the realities of abusive relationships for teens, and we only see Pete hit and eventually kill Debbie when he's in his monster form. This is how the show, especially when Buffy herself is still a teen, handles mature themes. Or silly one-liners like in Amends, when Joyce says "Angel's on top again?" the implication here is clear.

That being said, back to Lie to Me. In this episode, it's the first time we hear Angel's description of his torment of Drusilla. He very specifically says, he made her a vampire, but first he made her insane. Killed everybody she loved, visited every mental torture on her he could devise. And the day she took her holy orders, he turned her into a demon. He describes Drusilla as pure and sweet and chaste (and I think it's this word that's tripping you dingbats up), but that's not at all an implication of rape. Because a show like BTVS would be *a lot clearer* about that implication. Especially considering the context (uh oh a bad word) in which this confession about Dru takes place. It's called Lie to Me, and Angel had lied to Buffy earlier about staying at home when she'd seen him with Drusilla. Buffy is struggling to figure out who to trust and this moment is meant to be bring her and Angel closer - it's the first time she admits to loving him - by his being honest with her. Now does it make sense that if Angel is saying he raped Dru that Buffy would feel she could trust him? Let's use our brains.

Like this is literally the point of the episode.

Let's get back to the chaste thing. It's followed up in AtS when Darla brings Drusilla to Angel's attention, that she knows he likes them pure, because what sets Angel apart from other vampires is the psychological torture. When Angel singles out the maid in Amends (s03e10), he uses the language of rape to scare the maid into compliance. He hasn't revealed he's a vampire to her yet, and all she knows is that he's a nobleman looking to take advantage. In this context, that is psychological torture. How many times has she or maids like her, in this time, experienced something like this? And with her mistress distracted she's vulnerable. She knows that, he says it. And only when she realizes it's futile does she give in. Only after he sees that moment of acquiescing does he reveal he's a vampire. Then she tries to use her son. Angel says he'd make a fine dessert, then he bites and kills her. Buffy sees this. He kills this woman. He doesn't rape her. A business man as the First describes how Angel killed his children and then set their bodies up to make him think they were just asleep, to add to his trauma when Angel came to kill him (he also did this with Jenny in season 2). Because it's the psychological aspect he's after. When that same maid comes back as the First, shortly after that scene, she describes Angel as "different than other beasts. They kill to feed, but you took more kinds of pleasure in it than any creature that walks or crawls." Then his friend appears, and Angel killed him the week before the wedding, because of course he would. But the *implication* you love so much is he kills people and takes great pleasure in doing so. That's got nothing to do with rape.

Now let's take the description of him as his human self - Liam. The First describes him as a "drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents". This is later expanded in AtS, but the implication here is OBVIOUS. He was a drunk, and he did a lot of whoring and was feckless/jobless/directionless. Do you know what whoring means? In that time? It meant paying prostitutes for sex. Going to pleasure dens. He paid for sex with, to our knowledge, adult women who received payment for services rendered. That's...not rape. In AtS Darla finds him fighting and flirting in a tavern and loves it. He's not raping anyone, and the maid describes him as a man who basically whispers sweet nothings in your ear, you guys have sex and then he forgets all about you. Consensual sex. The idea here, is similar to when Buffy sleeps with Parker in s04. He says all the right things, she consents to sex, and then that's where he ends the relationship. So, if that makes Liam a rapist, did Parker also rape Buffy?

In AtS, part of what Angel likes about Dru is that she'll see him killing her coming. He'll have to use care in how he tortures her. So he tortures her by killing everyone around her. Which is what he said to Buffy.

We see what Angel described in BTVS. Drusilla is made insane, sitting around a pile of bodies, in the convent, while Angel and Drusilla gorge on blood. When they're done with that, they literally have sex - together, not with Dru - right in front of her. Dru was violated, yes. Mentally. But Darla and Angel having consensual sex on and/or near Dru is not raping her.

When he gets cursed, they describe the daughter of their tribe as special and innocent and that's Angel's type. He killed her because of those things. Because it's the psychology of it all. We spend the latter quarter of season 2 BTVS seeing what kind of monster Angelus is. He tortures Buffy by killing her classmates, attacking and threatening her friends, sending her roses and leaving pictures of her mom in her bedroom - to mess her up psychologically. He has a VERY clear MO and rape isn't part of that. Again, a show like BTVS would be explicit about that, but they weren't, because that's not a part of Angelus' characterization.

But, okay, so let's say, in some world Angel was a rapist. He gets cursed with his soul and feels remorse. He is banished by Darla and then is called to show his remorse and to actively repent by being a force of good. It's literally his whole thing. He's a Champion and he talks about the burden of the guilt. Spike though? Spike never feels bad for the Buffybot, never feels bad about attacking Buffy, shows zero remorse for what he did to Robin. For godsake he is STILL WEARING ROBIN'S MOTHER'S COAT AFTER HE GETS A SOUL. Spike does not repent, he does not become a Champion working to right his wrongs. He is forgiven without ever asking for or earning forgiveness, and we watched him be a monster in real time without AND WITH a soul. So miss me with this deranged shit honestly. Y'all stay making shit up. Like that anon said. Just say you like Spike and don't care he actually on screen and with ZERO implication, just straight facts, tried to rape Buffy and keep it pushing. Stop trying to equalize him and Angel in a pathetic attempt to take bangel fans down a peg with misinformation and flat out lies.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, February 2nd - Monday, February 3rd

FAITH: I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week. DAWN: I guess we all could, if we wanted to. WILLOW: Yeah. (smiles) The First is scrunched, so... what do you think we should do, Buffy? FAITH: Yeah, you're not the one and only chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel? DAWN: Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now? As the others chatter around her, Buffy just stares straight ahead at the hole formerly known as Sunnydale. As she contemplates what's next, she smiles.

~~Chosen~~

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for a new editor. Find out more!

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Long Overdue by veronyxk84 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Queentex, Latex by MadeInGold (Darla/Drusilla, Explicit)

Altered Reflections by Nymue (Buffy/Angelus/OC, Angelus/Spike, not rated)

poster boy by Duck_Life (Xander/Anya, T)

Teenage Scars by hpg (Spike/OC, T)

Это amore by B_E_S (Buffy/Angel, M, in Russian)

What Can You Do with the General? by nozenfordaddy (Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Robin Wood, Explicit)

Paperwork by bunniesarebad (Buffy/Spike, Explicit)

They will hold on to you, And I will hold on to you by Cumultus9 (Buffy/Faith, G)

Snowed In by arcanedreamer (Biohazard and Devil May Cry crossover, Xander/Leon S. Kennedy, T)

Demon Flicks by thehuntress (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

[Chaptered Fiction]

From Out of the Darkness 5/9 by forsaken2003 (Xander/Spike, R)

Lost and Found - Chapter 1-16 by sixofstakes (Scoobies, T)

A Dream You Dream Together - Chapter 1-11 by Nixiet (Buffy/Giles, M)

Once Bound - Chapter 1 by spikes_guy (Spike, OCs, Angel Investigations, M)

Safe Til Tomorrow - Chapter 1 by hpg (Spike/OC, G)

Her Happy Day, Ch. 4 by Kanita (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Bound, Ch. 64 by RavenLove12 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Take Me Out, Ch. 3 by MillennialCryBaby (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Animal I Have Become, Ch. 6 by CheekyKitten (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Stupid Thing, Ch. 11 by Misti (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Make It Stop, Ch. 6 by Sigyn (Buffy/Spike, R)

A Series of Fortunate Betrayals, Ch. 7 by the_big_bad (Buffy/Spike, R)

Tourniquet, Ch. 2 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Restructuring Reality, Ch. 4 by Ragini (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Monster You Made Me, Ch. 1 by DaniellaWidget (Buffy/Spike, Adult Only)

Inner Daemons Ch. 14 by batzulger (anime crossover, Warren/Katrina, FR15)

Akashic Advantage. Ch. 30 by beanseh (Dungeons and Dragons crossover, OC & Scoobies, FR18)

Ripples, Ch. 25 by violettathepiratequeen (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

An Enmity Most Engaging, Ch. 12 by HappyWhenItRains (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Pillar of Strength, Ch. 3 by acekoomboom (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

How to Be a Heartbreaker, Ch. 29 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Ghost, Ch. 1 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Spike by bertolts (worksafe)

Sims: Cordelia and Angel by creesims (worksafe)

Drawing: insane in da membraneeeeee by yarboyandy (Angel, Spike, worksafe, ommetaphobia warning)

An Angel/Spike drawing by coffeehunt (NSFW)

Vidlet: Do I Wanna Know by innit1 (Buffy/Spike)

A Buffy/Spike drawing by o-cm-draw-o (worksafe)

A Spike manip by she-is-the-slayer (worksafe)

There's something wrong with you. There's something wrong with you that's also wrong with me. by snakeliciousbaby (Willow x Oz, worksafe)

Drawing: Jonathan by the-nerdcave (worksafe)

Multifandom Venn diagram: Witches am I right? by theskyeisup (Willow, parallels with characters from Agatha All Along, Wandavision and Once Upon a Time, worksafe)

Gifset: tillow + hands by vague-in-vegas (Willow/Tara, probably worksafe)

Captioned screencaps: On the surface maybe it looks like Spike is the one inserting himself in all of Buffy’s relationships... by satinsafefromreality (some NSFW text)

Vid: Broken Man by William Pratt (Buffy/Spike)

Digital drawing: Spike by NMCIL (worksafe)

[Reviews & Recaps]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05E21: 'Weight of the World' Analysis & Breakdown by Passion of the Nerd

Why Were the Scene Transitions [in AtS] so ... much? by ShadowdogProd

My (hot take) ranking of each of the season finales if they became series finales. by Important-Rich-3651

Am I reading too much into the s7 fight [Empty Places]? I think it was narratively indispensable. by Important-Rich-3651

BTVS 611 - Gone - Another Buffy Podcast

[Recs & In Search Of]

iant0jones is taking song suggestions for a specific theme of Buffy/Spike fanvid (NSFW text)

A list of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel) related academic text and books reccomended by legallybrunettedotcom and possession1981

OffYourBird's Buffy/Spike story "A Different Kind of Hell" recced by angieblogging

andieluvsduckie is looking for sourcemates (AtS fictionkin)

Buffy and Angel DVD boxsets free to a good home. by Mr. Pointy

Tazifun seeks Buffy/Riley fanart

[Fandom Discussions]

I know it's uncool to talk favourably about Riley but in btvs s5... by mybloodyvampire

A man's weary, put-upon husband alter ego can say a lot about him [Spike and Harmony] by mybloodyvampire

thoughts on what weapons buffyverse characters would main in monster hunter by xaeyrnofnbe

The problem I've always had with that scene [Angel locking lawyers in a room with vampires] by Kendar

Buffy the Vampire Slayer sequel series nearing pilot order at Hulu, SMG returning! by famicommander and others

Buffy being rebooted [sequel] - with Sarah Michelle Gellar by American Aurora and others

Riley Finn: An insight of Character by Emrys_Morgan

Buffy/Angel Season Parallels by rednax2009

Why did everyone in the bronze cheer and clap when Xander poured his drink on someone? by Tsole96

Did Glory ever have any romances? by Scopeburger

Oscar nominated Buffy actors by Brave-Study-4895

What do you think of Principal Wood and Faith's fling in season seven? by jdpm1991

Who do you think could return in the sequel? by ErnestoTJ

Am I the only one who wants Christophe Beck back for the Buffy revival [sequel]? by shukii89

Multifandom meta and art: Enemies to Lovers by veronyxk84

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

Old BBC AtS and BtVS cast interviews via spiderwovendreams

James Marsters Q&A transcripts from 2001-2004 via spiderwovendreams

Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Sequel Series Nears Hulu Pilot Order

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[buffster]

Darla (ATS 2.07)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

Darla: You should have seen us together. We were a plague. A curse. A savage pestilence. It was glorious.

I always enjoy flashback episodes. As the title suggests, this one gives us a little more perspective on Darla through the years. We see her dying friendless and alone of syphilis in 1607. She had a miserable life as a poor prostitute and puts no stock in God. When The Master arrives to "save" her, she doesn't seem afraid.

We never learn human Darla's name, but we learn The Master must have named her Darla since that name wasn't in use at the time. It gives interesting insight into her psychology that vampirism is the only happiness and--importantly--power she's ever known. She had very little positive experience with humans when she was one and reveled in vampirism. Despite the years of evil it's clear Angel retains fond memories of her. They were bonded and that means something.

It was fun seeing Angelus's swagger when he meets The Master. He's unimpressed by their dedication to The Old Ones (The Master's always in vamp face, they live in sewers to be closer to the earth). He promises Darla fun and adventure.

We next catch up with the couple when they've added Drusilla to the clan. London, 1880. She's lonely, and Angel doesn't satisfy her because his head is too full of grandmother (I love that she calls Darla that). They say she should make a playmate and she finds Spike.

Drusilla: They cry out for mercy. Darla: Show none.

Darla fought hard to get Angelus back.

In 1900 Angel tracked her down and attempted to be Angelus again. He killed murderers, rapists, etc and hoped she wouldn't notice. When Spike kills his first slayer Darla becomes even more disgusted with Angel. She tells him to kill a baby to prove himself. He refuses.

In the present, Darla's unraveling. She's only human and now carries the weight of 400 years of memories and a soul. She smashed all the mirrors in her apartment and is freaked out by her heartbeat. Lindsey is putting the moves on her but she warns him that it's Angel he wants to screw, not her. Called that one.

We learn that all of this, including her making her way to Angel, is part of Wolfram & Hart's grand plan.

This rewatch I really thought about what a relationship with Darla could mean to Angel. There's so much shared history, and the idea of helping her cope with her guilt and move forward was probably a level of intimacy he hasn't gotten to experience in a long time. It was a chance to finally not feel alone. Cordelia is hurt he says he's alone, but I think he's referring to the burdens he carries. Darla would be someone to share that with, and even more so because they share most of their guilt.

But when Darla comes to him that's not what she wants.

Darla: It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from that world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor. Angel: Favor? You think that was a favor? You think I wanted to be turned into a monster? Is that really what you think? You damned me.

Angel is once again drawn to a nearly-hopeless project. But he won't damn her. I'm interested to talk about Angel's breakdown and how Darla led him there.

Character Notes:

Angel: He's in obsessive mode again and drawing a ton of Darla.

Cordelia Chase: She's the one who manages to find Darla by calling people and making up tragic stories

Darla: She always has to have a view.

[coraniaid]

I understand why it happens, but it's kind of striking how quickly fighting vampires on Buffy goes from being something that only the Slayer can do at all ("she alone will stand against the vampires", as the opening narration tells us in the first two seasons) to something only the Slayer can do well (meaning that other people can try but they'll risk getting hurt or letting vampires escape), to something that only the Slayer can be trusted to do properly (even if it might seem superficially that other people are doing okay) and then finally to something so mundane that pretty much anybody can do it, with or without any special powers.

The pair of mid-season 3 episodes I've reached during my current rewatch (Gingerbread and Helpless) almost feels like the last time that the writers will really take seriously the initial premise that being able to fight vampires is not something anyone can be expected to manage if they just put a little effort in. Both of them feature as plot points the idea that being able to fight vampires makes Buffy somehow uniquely special (which is perhaps one reason why Faith doesn't appear in either one of them). And yet, if anything , they already feel a little anachronistic at this stage in the show's history.

In Season 1 or early Season 2, the idea of Joyce accompanying Buffy on patrol as a sort of impromptu mother-daughter bonding event would have felt ridiculous (and not just because Joyce had no clue that Buffy was the Slayer or that vampires even existed) and it's clear in Gingerbread that we're still meant to think that it is. But it's a little harder to accept that when we've seen Buffy going on patrol while casually chatting with Willow just a couple of episodes earlier, or when we know that Willow, Oz and Xander spent all summer fighting vampires without sustanining any significant injuries. If it's okay for them, why can't Joyce tag along while Buffy's on patrol? (It's presumably not going to lead to her trying to burn her daughter at the stake every single time.)

Equally, the test that the Watchers' Council subject Buffy to in Helpless -- in which she is robbed of her powers and forced to fight a vampire without them -- is meant to be cruel and arbitrary. But by Season 7 the writers will decide that expecting a bunch of teenage girls with absolutely no special powers to be able to fight vampires is, in fact, a perfectly reasonable thing to do. And as the show progresses, more and more people without powers will do just that. Indeed, the conclusion of this very season will upend the show's premise by having Buffy's classmates take on a small army of vampires at their graduation ceremony.

In fact, vampires as a serious threat at all become increasingly rare in the show, starting from around this season. This season's main vampire adversary Mr Trick has been relegated to a subordinate role after less than a full episode on his own devices, and this is a role he will only manage to keep for a few more episodes. Despite a fun first appearance, Trick has never really managed to make an impression in the way that the Master or Spike or Drusilla or Angelus did. I'm honestly not even sure when exactly Buffy first learns his name. This season's Big Bad, the Mayor, is the first primary season villain not to be a vampire, and in fact no vampire will ever get to play this role again.

(Vampires in general start to become so quotidian and non-threatening that by Season 7 the writers resort to the rather embarrassing measure of introducing a brand new special type of really dangerous vampire, with decidedly mixed results.)

I might be missing a couple of names, but I think the list below covers every single speaking vampire character that appears in more than one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Darla (first appears in Season 1, last appears in Season 1)

The Master (first appears in Season 1, last appears in Season 3)

Angel (first appears in Season 1, last appears in Season 7)

Luke (first appears in Sesaon 1, last appears in Season 1)

The Anointed One (first appears in Season 1, last appears in Season 2)

Spike (first appears in Season 2, last appears in Season 7)

Drusilla (first appears in Season 2, last appears in Season 5)

Dalton (first appears in Season 2, last appears in Season 2)

Lyle Gorch (first appears in Season 2, last appears in Season 3)

Mr Trick (first appears in Season 3, last appears in Season 3)

Wishverse!Willow (first appears in Season 3, last appears in Season 3)

Tom (first appears in Season 4, last appears in Season 4)

Harmony (first appears in Season 1, first appears as a vampire in Season 4, last appears in Season 5)

Sandy (first appears in Season 3, first appears as a vampire in Season 5, last appears in Season 5)

And what's striking about this list is that we have, less than a third of the way through the show, already met almost everybody on it. The only two recurring vampire characters with speaking parts who haven't appeared at least once already as of The Wish are Harmony (who we've met, but not yet as a vampire), Sandy (who we'll meet as a human in just a few episodes), and 'Tom', a character so unimportant I had to look his name up on IMDB because it is never spoken in the script for either of the two episodes he appears in. (He's one of Sunday's goons who's later captured by the Initiative, if you were wondering.) More recurring vampires have already appeared for the last time than are yet to appear, with still a hundred episodes left to go.

Yet, at the same time, (unnamed, mostly harmless) vampires will actually appear in almost every episode of Buffy until the show ends. Season 3 is actually the first season of the show to feature a vampire on-screen in every episode. The season where vampires appear least is actually the first: there are four episode of Season 1 with no vampires at all, and only three other episodes where that's true (one in Season 2 and two in Season 4). Perhaps that's why Season 1 is able to take them seriously as an obstacle.

Buffy will continue to be a show where vampires feature heavily after this run of episodes, but it won't ever really be a show where the audience is expected to find them particularly menacing. Even in The Zeppo, the very first episode after these two, it feels telling that the supernatural threat Buffy is worried about Xander being exposed to -- and the dangerous enemies she and the other Scoobies fight in the background while we follow Xander around town -- are demons, not vampires. Because as much as the show wants us to think that Xander is the "Jimmy Olsen" of the group, by this point it's stretching credulity to suggest that even he would be seriously troubled by something as unimpressive as a mere vampire.

[februaryfangfest]

Each week in the run-up to February Fangfest, we'll be spotlighting a different sub-pair/group within the Fanged Four, because your works (and our love) can be for those individual relationships too! We'll be sharing some fic and art that we adore which depict them, and hope you'll enjoy and go shower the creators in comments and kudos/likes!! And oh, hey, if it serves as propaganda for you to go create your own things? Win-win.

This week, we're tripling down for some of the rarer combinations of the vamily. We'll be spotlighting Darla/Drusilla, Darla/Spike, and Angel/Drusilla.

And now last but not least, Drangel. The wickedly delicious middle of the family line. He is her creator, father, and lover. She is his masterpiece and his greatest sin. Part of them will forever be defined by the other, they are carved into the bones of each other's legacy. Though their relationship begins as tormentor and victim, once she claws her way from her grave their relationship instead becomes defined by affection and fondness on both sides, even when he is wrenched away from the family by his soul and it becomes he who is tormented by what he did to her and she hates what he becomes. They have one of the most complex relationships of the 'verse, and it is thoroughly ripe for exploration.

In this post, we’ll be sharing the delightful Drangel works from 2024’s February Fangfest and Fanged Four Family Bingo. Enjoy! And don’t forget to leave a comment and kudos :D

Fanfiction

Title: Arts and Crafts Author: Harlow Rating: Teen+ (Double Drabble, A Complete Absence of Craft Herpes, An Abundance of Blood and Ribbon, Fluffy Family Bonding) Length: 200 words Setting: Victorian Summary: Angelus helps Drusilla out with a project for their family.

Title: Call Me Cupid Author: Liv Rating: Explicit (Meet Cute, Romcom, Clairvoyance and Coursework) Length: 7,557 words Setting: College AU, Almost No Powers Summary: Liam "Angel" Sullivan is a college junior, forced into a life of business when he really wanted art. Recently broken up with my his lawyer girlfriend, Lilah Morgan, a month or so before Valentine's Day, he feels sort of cranky. Until he meets his new next door neighbor in his dorm, the cute and charming Drusilla.

Drusilla has always been different. With abilities that scared most around her, except for her best friends, Spike and Darla Pratt, she never really thought she'd find a longterm relationship with anyone. However, when she gets kicked out of her room by her shitty roommate, Sheila, she meets her neighbor, the handsome and funny Angel.

[spikedru]

Hey hi hello excuse me I saw your post about how buffy and drusilla are dark mirrors of one another and it got me to thinking about dru, and how she would have made an incredible slayer. (In the same way that buffy as a vamp would be genuinely terrifying) Like part of me absolutely thinks that her potential slayerness is a part of what drew angel to her. idk it’s a thing I can’t un-think now—what do you think? (also please to excuse me if drusilla having been a slayer in waiting is common knowledge, it’s been a while since I looked in on btvs in general—tho now I am kind of feeling like trying on a rewatch).

whether or not drusilla was a potential slayer is mostly a fanon idea, and while i think it could be an interesting way to parallel dru and buffy, i dont really place a lot of stock into that theory! i dont think that drusillas destiny had anything to do with being a slayer, but more along the lines of cordelia and her visions, someone chosen by the powers that be to divine the future in order to help others. i think her destiny is as a saint. and i dont think angelus had really any interest in the slayer before meeting buffy tbh! spike is the one who is consistently fixated on slayers. so angelus' interest in drusilla is all about his ego. and a lot about drusillas turning and subsequent relationship to angel/us is very heavily based in her christianity. drusilla seeking refuge in her faith because she is scared her powers make her evil, only for her saftey in her faith to be corrupted and defiled by angelus. like if i remember right angelus was torturing drusilla and then fucked darla right in front of her while they were all in a church. she was going to be a nun! i think for angelus it was more of an ego trip to take a young woman who had such faith in her god, destroy her mind and sanity until he becomes her god instead. and by turning her into a demon it would then subsequently justify her fears of being evil because she is now directly harmed by the symbols of her faith (crosses, holy water).

tldr i dont really think dru was a potential i think she was a saint!

[thequeenofsastiel]

We REALLY need to talk more about how Angel has never tried to kill Spike, even when Spike was soulless. I know I've mentioned it in other posts, but I really think it should be examined and discussed. Spike is literally the only vampire Angel has never attempted to kill. He's never aimed a stake at him, tried to push him into the sun, set him on fire, or chop his head off. Despite the fact that Spike had been a danger to Angel and Buffy, had absolutely tried to kill both of them, Angel still never tried to kill him. So why? Was this intentional or unintentional? Was it just an oversight on Whedon's part, or did he do that on purpose?

Since there's no way to know the answer to that question, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume it was intentional. So since I'm going with that assumption, I have to wonder why. What makes Spike so special to Angel? I mean hell, in 5x19 of ATS, Angel shoved Spike aside to take a stake for him with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever. This despite the fact that their relationship had been varying degrees of antagonistic over the whole of s5, though with admittedly a handful of soft moments between them that I'll probably document at some point. But for the most part, their relationship was aggressive and even violent at times. And yet when Spike's life was in danger Angel was entirely willing to risk his life to make sure that Spike wouldn't die. Where does this devotion come from?

I think part of it comes from the relationship they had in the almost twenty years that they traveled with Darla and Drusilla. Angelus was into him from the moment they met. He got VERY salty that Spike was more interested in Drusilla than he was in Angelus, and was petty enough to insult her to try to make Spike like her less. He had sex with Drusilla in front of Spike to, in my opinion, shatter Spike's illusion that Drusilla would want only him, and make Spike more amenable to the idea of being with Angelus as well as Drusilla. I strongly believe that what happened after Spike lunged at them was that Angelus threw Drusilla aside and initiated rough sex with Spike that may or may not have been entirely consensual.

Now, to be clear, I don't think Angelus is capable of love, at least not the way soulless Spike is. But I do believe he's capable of feeling possessiveness and desire. I think Spike is the only man Angel/us was ever in a relationship with, and when you're bisexual, as I believe Angel/us is, that can be VERY meaningful. I think Angelus felt more possessiveness and desire for Spike than he did for anyone else. And I think those emotions lingered in Angel.

Whether or not Angel was in love with ensouled Spike in s5 of ATS is up for debate for me. They didn't seem to like each other all that much, and yet they still spent time together, still protected each other, and still provided emotional support sometimes. I think the desire was definitely still there. As for love, I'm not sure yet. I'm still doing my rewatch so I'll get back to y'all.

Sorry, this post got out of control. The point is, it's absolutely fascinating to me that Angel never tried to kill Spike, soul or no soul. Discuss? Why do you think that is?

[hello-nichya-here]

About Spuffy & Souls, Part One - Yes, Souless Vampires Can Love

Of all the arguments people have about Spike as a character, and his relationship with Buffy, the debate on "Did he ever truly love Buffy, or anyone, while he had no soul?" has always felt like it was by far the silliest to me because the answer is REPEATEDLY made very clear in the show, and it is of course, you dumbasses.

"No Soul, Not The Same Person"

In the Buffy pilot, we are told by Giles that vampires are demons in the bodies of humans. They have access to the memories of the "former host", but are NOT the same, just a shallow immitation, stuck in their ways, unable to learn any kind of "human" emotion like compassion. This sentiment is echoed through the show many times - and is one of the main reasons why Buffy struggles to believe Spike's declarations of love. She finds it hard to believe he's either an exception to the rule or that said rule wasn't ever as set in stone as she thought.

But tell me one thing: If losing one's soul makes them a COMPLETELY different person, why does Angel as a show even exist and why is ANGEL seaking redemption for the things ANGELUS did? If they're not the same, shouldn't Angel be seen as just a completely innocent person that had his life/autonomy stolen away by a monster instead of a "monster that became more human" so to speak? Wouldn't that be the same as saying Buffy would need redemption if Faith had killed a ton of her friends after stealing her body - aka be completely unfair and nonsensical as a plot?

If they're not the same person, why did Angel once admit to Buffy that HE, not Angelus, wanted to sleep with and feed on her, despite the consequences? Why did he explicitly say "Is not the monster in me that needs killing, it's the man." Why do see that even BEFORE he became a vampire, he already acted like Angelus in some regards?

"Oh but that was Angel, not Spike, it doesn't count!"

Really? Then why does "Fool For Love", the episode that is meant to show us SPIKE'S backstory tells us about how WILLIAM was always looked down on and was a hopeless romantic that got his heart broken? Why is William's trauma being used to explain to us why Spike acts the way he does when Buffy rejects him? Why did she call Spike "William" when breaking up with him IF THEY ARE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THE SAME GUY?

Why is Drusilla still mad at Angelus for killing her family and tortured him for it? Why is she still insane after her human mind was broken by Angelus and Darla? Wouldn't that technically not even be her trauma? Why were she and Spike told "You two reek of humanity" for exchanging things like affection and jealousy?

Why is Darla not having a huge identity crisis 24/7? She was human, got turned into a vampire, died, was brought back as a human with a soul, then turned into a vampire again - was it even the same demon that made her vampire both times? Why is her personality so consistent, including both vulnerability as a vampire and ruthlessness as a human with a soul?

Seriously, people. Joss Whedon might have WANTED to make vampires just shallow immitations of the humans they once were and completely incapable of experiencing true emotion and growth, but what he actually wrote through both shows makes it very clear that this is not actually true and vampires are often radically different from each other, with different levels of kindness to spare for other living (and undead) creatures.

Spike and William inhabit the same body, share all the same memories, and feel the exact same way about the exact same people - HOW are they not the same person?

Fake Love VS Unhealthy Love

This entire point can be perfectly summed up by Drusilla's in "Crush" when she explicitly hears Buffy say that vampires can't love, and corrects her by saying "We can love quite well, just not wisely."

The show had LOTS of relationships that were complicated and downright unhealthy, but were never shown as less genuine. Spike's love for Buffy has lots of toxic aspects through the seasons - obsession, possessiveness, entitlement, codependency, not caring that he's hurting her, not caring that she's hurting him - and it is genuine. Undeniably so.

That's why "both finales" (season 5 and season 7) end with Spike making huge sacrifices for her for purely sefless reasons. On the first he, without having a soul, vows to protect her sister "until the end of the world" and the intention was that, once Buffy died, he'd protect Dawn for the rest of her life, solely out of love for Buffy - love she can't reciprocate because she's gone, and that Spike already said he didn't believe she'd ever reciprocate anyway, meaning there's no "reward" he's expecting for this good deed. The second, "final" ending, has him sacrificing his life for her, and for the world, and when Buffy says she loves him, Spike says he doesn't believe her, yet it doesn't change his resolve.

Even season six, that has a TON of problems, mainly the hugely out of character moment that was the attempted rape in Seeing Red, ends with him willingly going through hellish torture to win back his soul, because he wants to stop being a monster, to stop hurting her.

The Writers Set Themselves Up For Failure

I know some people are probably reading this and going "But even if his love for Buffy was real, Spike is still a very complicated character and it'd make perfect sense for Buffy to not want to accept her feelings for him/be in a relationship with him" and I actually agree.

But that's not the conflict Whedon set up for 90% of the Spuffy drama - which is why Seeing Red felt completely out of place. The show was rarely ever questioning "Can Buffy, and even Spike himself, trust that he will not hurt her or others despite being a souless vampire?" or "Can Buffy live with the fact that the man she loves murdered lots of innocent people in horrible ways?" (this question was also avoided with Angel). Even his evil actions were getting toned down considerably, before the show even decided Spike had feelings for Buffy, because he was a popular, recurring/main character and if he got too evil, Buffy would stake him.

The conflict we were beaten over the head with was "Buffy believes Spike can't have real feelings because he's a vampire, Spike disagrees" - which makes anyone that isn't kidding themselves, regardless of them liking Spuffy as ship, inevitably side with Spike because we saw entire seasons of him, and other souless vampires, having real feelings, including for humans.

And with such a large portion of the audience already agreeing with him that, no, the lack of soul doesn't mean he can't feel, naturally that gained him a lot of sympathy, as he was 100% honest and correct (and again, being considerably less evil), yet was always treated either like he was being manipulative or just couldn't understand emotion and thus assumed his weird complex over Buffy was love (see her saying "I know it's real for you").

Combine that with the fact that James was an attractive guy, a damn good actor, and had a ton of chemistry with Sarah, and you have people who not only feel bad for Spike, but also want him to get the girl - especially when Buffy's boyfriend at the time Spike fell for her was the most boring character ever, whose "love" for Buffy felt a billion times more insincere.

Spike's love for Buffy was genuine. You can dislike the character/ship without denying that fact - because denying the obvious doesn't make you look smart. Quite the opposite actually.

[enigmatist17]

My Sanctuary (Part 2)

Part 1 3 4

---

1880

---

His dear Cecily has already gone, and the lamb with the heart of a wolf seems to know what has transpired to him. William sighs as he scans her room once more before stepping backward into a blood-soaked hallway, disappointed but not terribly surprised. The unseeing eyes of Cecily's former maids stared up at him as the fledgling traveled back to the main hall, where his new family circled familiar partygoers like sharks on land, his beloved sire giggling as she pulled and poked whoever was closest.

"W-William, please, call them off." One begged, a former friend who had laughed and jeered that fateful night, trembling like a leaf when William vaulted over the upper railing with ease, landing with a thud mere feet away.

"Now, why would I do that?"

"Show them your pretty face~" Drusilla cooed, appearing beside William as he dragged the beggar closer to him with a grin. The man watched as William's face changed to that of a demon, letting out a strangled scream before fangs dug into his neck, draining him dry in a matter of minutes. The thrill of the kill made William feel like he could take on the world as he dropped the corpse, the fear rolling off the people before him so damn delicious as he looked for the next one to kill. A maid with brown hair is the one he lands on, memories of her laughing and mocking his name flashing through his mind like lightning, and she lets out a terrified noise when Darla appears behind her and grabs her arm.

You should be known as William the Bloody for your bloody awful poetry!

"Have fun, little pet, but hurry; we're quite hungry." Darla purred as she dropped the woman to her knees before the newest addition to the Whirlwind; William was too focused on the woman in front of him to notice the proud smile on her lips. "They're always so eager aren't they?"

"Aye, it's funny." Angelus purrs from his seat on a plush couch, patient as he watches William pull out something from his pocket. "Come girls, our boy is about to have his fun."

"Oh, Daddy, it's wonderful~!" Drusilla hummed as she crossed the floor, kneeling at Angelus' feet, while Darla sat at his side, looking amused. The three watched William circle the woman who begged for her life, her hands clasped as if in prayer, when he stopped right in front of her with a grin.

The screams don't mask the cracking of bone as William drives a rail spike through the woman's forehead, driving it in with his thumb until it's fully embedded in her skull. Drusilla begins to laugh as her childe reveals more rail spikes in his hands, flinging himself into the rounded-up humans as they try to run for their lives, the older vampires doing little more than keeping everyone in the house as William went on his spree. He's just killed another by driving spikes into the man's eyes when the sound slowly fades, the man staying upright instead of toppling over.

Was it worth it?

William blinked, pulling back with a cautious growl. He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder, a woman with her snapped neck locked her head at an unnatural angle, staring at him with a grin.

Did it make you a better hunter, killing us like pigs in a pen?

'Wait -" Another set of hands grip one of his legs, another person he'd killed in his frenzy looking up with eyes he'd gouged out.

We had families, lovers, and you took us from them !

"This isn't happening; you can't—" A pair of hands wrap around his throat, and William is eye to eye with an old friend he'd forgotten had been there. The other pulls out a rail spike lodged in his temple with a lopsided grin, raising his arm and bringing the spike right for William's wide eyes.

You'll suffer for eternity

---

Modern Day

---

The first thing Spike is aware of is that he's falling, his body hitting a carpeted surface with a thud. He takes in great lungfuls of air and scans the area around him, curling in on himself a little as gratefully, no one is nearby. He can still smell the blood and the fear from his dream, or was it a memory? It took longer than Spike wanted to admit to realize he wasn't back in Cecily's home but rather some strange hotel room he was unfamiliar with, the vampire slowly moving up and onto his feet. He's fed at some point, the black pinpricks that dotted his vision lately barely visible as Spike straightens, a familiar taste he can't name still lingering on his tongue. The sun is on its last legs before setting for the day, Spike is able to peek out at a city that is as familiar as it is lost to him, naming a jumbled mess in his mind as he stares at a rooftop before pulling the curtain closed. He makes it to some living room before the voices rush over him again, the man falling to his knees as he presses his hands over his ears, tears threatening to fall as they scream at him.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." The mantra falls to deaf ears as Spike curls in on himself, bile threatening to force its way out of his throat when suddenly, salvation arrives. A gentle hand rests itself on Spike's back, slowly running up and down in a comforting gesture, the voices seeming to realize Spike was no longer alone and fading back to that silence that settled in Spike's bones. He crouches like that for a time, letting the comforting touch make the world stop for as long as it could, eventually moving so he was on his knees.

Is it going to burn?

"Are you alright?" This voice he knows, one that usually meant pain or a general bad time, but soft in a way he couldn't recall ever hearing before. Spike wants to ask, ask so many questions, but finds the words shrivel up and die in his throat, so he remains silent as he stares at the floor. He hears the other adjust before going still once more, sitting beside him Spike realizes, before it fills the air.

Blood, oh he was so hungry. "You've been asleep for a while, you must be hungry." Spike feels his face shift as he turns, golden eyes meeting dark hazel before Spike looks him over, an arm extended with its wrist dripping with blood.

"I'm allowed?"

"As much as you need." The offer should be raising his hackles, but Spike reaches forward to grab his arm, fangs extending and piercing the wound with a quiet growl. Angelus had never shared his blood with anyone besides Darla on the regular, Drusilla when she sired, and Spike once after he'd been brutally attacked defending their ladies.

He'd thrummed with power for almost a week after that, hoping he'd taste it again one day.

Yet here he was, drinking deep from his grandsire like he was the last source of blood in the world, waiting for some pain from taking something he bloody well didn't deserve, for the familiar Angelus growl before he's tossed out of the closest window. No, Angel encourages him, only moving so Spike can sag against him, his free hand resting on the back of his neck as Spike drinks.

YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE CONTENT

Angel jumps when Spike rockets back and away from him, blue eyes flashing wildly as he scrambles away until he hits the back of a couch, his entire body trembling as he clamps a hand over his bloodstained mouth. They've come back, and he can see bodies with missing limbs and others who are merely skeletons all over them, dead by his greedy hands, and he cowers.

The Slayer of Slayers, trembling in fear as his soul turns on him with the anger of thousands.

"They're not there." Angel appears, placing himself between Spike and all those who want to harm him. Those dark eyes that no longer held malice kept Spike's frantic gaze, and the bigger figure slowly moved closer until he put his arms around Spike protectively.

"I killed them all." He whimpers, clinging to the vessel of safety before him. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, so very very sorry..."

"I know you are." Angel carefully slips an arm under Spike's knees, easily hoisting the man up and into his arms. "You're okay."

"It'll never be alright, never." Spike trembles as they walk through his former victims, out of the room he'd been in and down an aged hallway, where the ghosts don't seem to follow. Angel takes him to his room; the information pokes at Spike's addled brain, the suite almost a mirror image of his own with additions, like floor-to-ceiling bookshelves crammed full of what had to be hundreds of books. They all smell of old age, along with a scent Spike is not familiar with, other things like a motorcycle jacket and intricate dagger on a coffee table all covered with it as he's set down on a plush couch. "Sire?"

"I'm in the middle of work, and left you alone too long." Angel merely replies, looking into those exhausted blue eyes. "Are you still hungry?"

"Yes, but I dare not feed."

"You need to." Blue eyes flicker around the suite, looking for some hidden danger before his face shifts. "Good." Grabbing the book he'd been rifling through, Angel sits on the couch and holds out his wrist once again, his childe latching on without prompting. He gets through a few pages before Spike withdraws, scooting to the furthest spot on the couch before he hugs his legs to his chest, just watching the elder with a neutral expression. Angel knows he's curious as he is wary, though judging by the glaze overtaking his eyes, Spike was losing control of the present and slipping to wherever his mind decided was most important. The muttering starts up when Spike rests his forehead on his knees, the variety of languages he'd learned over the years slipping in and out without his conscious thought like they had two days prior in the foyer. Angel continues his work, noting a few things on paper for his client, while Spike's muttering fills the air, and he glances over when he finally stops talking.

He's asleep, curled on his side with his vampiric face predominant, and Angel shakes off his coat to drape it over the sleeping man. It's how Wesley finds them when he trudges into the room after a long reconnaissance mission some hours later, freezing by the front door with a slightly panicked look.

"Sorry, I got caught up in work, and he woke up." Angel gave a small smile as he stood, Spike not reacting as Wesley cautiously heads for the kitchen.

"Is he alright?" Seeing the larger-than-life vampire so small was strange, almost like a child under Angel's coat.

"No." Wesley had known Angel long enough to know when he was biting back some particularly powerful emotions, but he doesn't push. "Not sure how long he'll sleep this time."

"Mhm, two days was a surprise." Wesley pops his dinner into the microwave, leaning against the counter with a stretch. "Do you think he'd mind company?"

"Company?" Wesley couldn't help the small smile that graced his face at those big, confused eyes, motioning with his index finger for Angel to join him.

"Yes, whenever you're out, would it be wise to have someone with him? While I doubt he'd make it outside, having him wander the halls of an unfamiliar building may not help his healing process." Angel moves closer to the other, drawing Wesley into a deep kiss as the question turns in his mind.

"Maybe, at least after we get his hunger sated," Angel replied when they parted, brushing a hand against Wes's flushed cheek with his smile. "I'm not sure how long he's gone without, and he may unintentionally hurt one of you."

"T-That is a wise idea." Wesley cleared his throat, the ding of the microwave breaking the two fully apart. "Do you still want to help finish this case, or help him?"

"I can do both, did you end up tracking down the target?"

"I did, across the city in the warehouse district." Wesley nodded, shifting into investigator mode as he pulled out a city map from inside his coat, using the kitchen counter as a surface to point out what he'd seen to Angel. When it's decided where Angel is going to go, the vampire turns to check on Spike and moves him back into his suite, only to find the couch empty and the door to their room wide open.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

---

Angel's coat is like a set of armor, Spike thinks to himself, as he wanders the seemingly neverending hallways. No ghosts have snuck up on him now, and no screaming as he holds the leather tight around himself as if knowing the coat belonged to the great forehead himself.

Oh, that was rude, wasn't it?

He's debating whether or not his mental insult was rude when a nervous squeak stops him; Spike sniffs the air before turning to his right, spotting a door that wasn't quite closed all the way. Big eyes are watching him with a mixture of emotions he can't place, and he looks at them until the door slowly cracks open further, revealing a rather small woman. She's got slightly wet long brown hair in a messy bun, oversized glasses that seem to make her even smaller, and is clad in a plain set of pj's with some essentials bag clutched in her hands.

"Y-You're Spike." Her voice is taut with anxiety, but the undercurrent is pure curiosity, and the scientist watches the vampire tilt his head a little bit before he starts giggling.

"That's the question innit?"

"Oh...w-well, if you're not Spike, t-then who are you?" Blue eyes fill with confusion, and she watches Spike giggle to himself again after a moment.

"Dunno. Who are you?"

"I'm Fred, Fred Burkle."

"Fred Fred Burkle? Huh."

"N-No, just one Fred." Spike raises his scarred eyebrow but says nothing else as she slowly exits the bathroom she'd been using.

"What is one Fred doing?" His voice has suddenly lost its Cockney accent, and the Texan has to bite back a squeak.

"M-My shower is broken, so I was usin' this one. I'm gonna go and watch somethin', and then, uh, sleep?" Spike seems to have trouble following what she's said, and despite knowing he wasn't exactly all there, she holds out her hand. "You look a little lonely. Do you want to join me?"

"A Lady offering a hand for a Monster?" Spike looks away from her, crouching down in the middle of the floor with a huff. "She deserves to be safe, not in danger, not with me, yet her hand holds in the air..."

"I don't think you're so scary." Fred kneels down, wondering if he was even registering her presence. "Never been called a lady before, makes me feel all fancy."

"You are a lovely one, Miss." The soft voice is back, those eyes less piercing and more bashful if she had to say. "I do not understand why no one has said that to you."

"Well, I-I have been gone a real long time, but you can i-if you'd like. Get me all caught up and such." She smiles, offering her hand once more to be accepted this time, bringing Spike back up on his feet. His arm shifts so it's bent 90 degrees, and she links her arm with his before leading Spike to her room. Despite hearing he was supposed to be out of his mind, Spike is awfully quiet as he escorts her down the hall, sometimes muttering something about dresses that Fred can't catch. He does pause for a moment when she opens her door, but the flash of a smile has him following without complaint into a homemade from merging two regular hotel rooms into one massive one.

"Um, do you watch Passions?" That bashful look fades as Spike blinks at her, her anxiety melting when he nods. "Oh great! N-No one else here really does."

"Their loss." The Cockney returned as she headed for her couch, scooping some clothes off and out of the way so he could sit beside her. "I am a bit behind."

"Well, I can tell you everything you've missed." There's a flash of a smirk, but it's gone before she can fully look over.

"Ta, pet."

Spike does try to watch; the comforting and familiar show a great balm on his frayed nerves, but he's asleep before they get through the episode, once again burrowed under Angel's coat. Fred carefully gets up and grabs one of her favorite blankets, leaving only his face exposed as she tucks him in before returning to her show, a bit giddy that he's been so sweet to her. She's just getting to a good part when there's a polite but urgent knock on her door; Fred quickly gets up and goes to answer it before the noise could wake Spike, coming face to face with a slightly nervous-looking Angel.

"Hey Fred, I know it's late, but have you seen Spike?"

"Mhm! He's asleep on my couch, actually!" Angel stared at her with a mixture of exasperation and relief, taking a deep breath and exhaling. "He seemed a little lost, so I brought him here to watch Passions, t-though he wasn't awake long."

"He's going to be sleeping a lot, that's okay." Angel glanced at his watch with a sigh. "If I left some of my blood with you, do you think you could let him crash until I get back? I don't think he'll be too hungry, but having some in case is good."

"O-Oh, sure!" She should be surprised he already had a bag ready, feeling a little wigged out. It was warm when she took it, but she tried not to let it show.

Much

"If you need anything, call me okay?"

"Sure thing boss." With a relieved smile, Angel was gone, Fred closed the door and turned to see Spike was still in his cocoon, figuratively dead to the world as the TV droned on. The blood is left in the kitchen in a bowl, Fred washes her hands before she rejoins Spike on the couch, newly acquired popcorn her snack of choice as she catches a re-run of another show. Every so often she'd look over at the sleeping man, her curiosity slowly growing until she moved a little closer, pulling the blanket back to study his face. Angel was pale, but Spike was even more so, the errant thought of him being lost under the snow making her giggle a little before she put her hand over her mouth to muffle the noise. She frowns when she realizes how gaunt he is, or at least she thinks he is, her vampire knowledge was still on the "fill the first page of a journal" step, but she'd also been that way for five years before, so someone had to be right here.

"You poor thing, probably could drain a cow and still be hungry or somethin'." She whispered, using one finger to move some errant curls from his face. "But don't you worry, Angel is awful good at gettin' blood like, all the time, so you won't be hungry here." Spike doesn't react to her touch, and after waiting for a little while, she gets off the couch and disappears further into her room, returning with a small comb and a chair. She sets it beside the arm of the couch that was Spike's current pillow, and after fussing over where to begin, she starts to go after the multiple tangles she can see in his slightly greasy hair. A tune she couldn't name dances in her mind before she started humming, carefully shifting Spike's head so she could access some more knots with her comb. "There we are, all nice and smooth, and tangle free!"

"Mhm...thanks, luv." Fred jumped at the sleepy response, gently smacking the top of his head.

"Why wasn't that nice, scarin' me like that?" she huffed. Spike chuckled to himself before burrowing further into the blanket.

"Felt nice...liked it." Melting a little at how tired he sounded, Fred gently pat the top of his head in apology.

"Well, you get on sleepin', and I'll be on my bed." The vampire makes some vague noise, and Fred smiles to herself before clicking off the lights on the way to her bed.

He was such a sweetheart.

[thepsychoticqueen]

Summary: What would have happened if Spike went to Angel after getting chipped, instead of Buffy? The past and the present collide within, and some memories won't stay buried.

Flashbacks to times long past, abandonment issues, a ton of anger, and angst galore all wait for you inside. Spike still yearns for Angelus, but it's Angel he needs right now.

This is a story of dark and light. There's torture, and pain. But there is also comfort, and warm fuzzy feelings. These boys have a lot of problems to work out, and it's not going to happen quickly. The meaning of a soul, of a demon - as well as the evils of humans and vampires alike, can all be found within. I hope you all enjoy.

More fic information below the line. Happy reading! 🩶

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Multi, M/M

Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel: the Series

Relationships:

Angel/Spike, Angelus/Spike (BtVS), Angelus/Drusilla (BtVS), Angelus/Darla (BtVS), Drusilla/Spike, Angelus/Drusilla/Spike (BtVS)

Characters:

Spike (BtVS), Angel (BtVS), Winifred "Fred" Burkle, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Charles Gunn, Drusilla (BtVS), Darla (AtS), Cordelia Chase, Krevlornswath | Lorne, Maggie Walsh

Additional Tags:

Fanged Four, Hurt Spike, Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Past Torture, Chipped Spike, Aftermath of Torture, Dark, But also fluffy-ish, Mentions of Rape, So much angst, Torture, Psychological Torture, Post-Episode: s04e07 The Initiative, Fluff, Angst, Historical, Somewhat

Language: English

Published: 2016-04-08

Completed: 2016-05-06

Words: 51,095

Chapters: 19/19

Comments: 182

Kudos: 622

Bookmarks: 161

Hits: 19,035