#but there’s a chance it’s for my DID
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My first time to the psychiatrist as myself, last time the body went there was 10 years ago and it didn’t go well for the people I used to be.
I’m stressed out of my mind.
#my art stuff#vent#rambles#I don’t want to ever make a habit of posting ventart here#it’s good the times I need it but I don’t want to pull myself down that spiral the others went down by posting mainly vent art#I’m just extremely stressed today and have been the past few weeks#I have no idea what specific thing the appointment is about#most likely for ADHD or Autism#but there’s a chance it’s for my DID#which was (unknowingly at the time) the cause for the others going there#and that half year or so that they ran tests on me and stuff really stressed me out#made me terrified of hospitals in general (ironically besides dentists)#if the lines look a little shaky it’s because I’m genuinely terrified#I have my appointment in 2 hours from now#Entity#disociative identity disorder#DID#Personified cloud#anxiety#stress#trauma
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License to Kitty.
#dungeon meshi#izutsumi#marcille donato#chilchuk tims#I still stand by my tags on the Izutsumi character study piece I did in January - but I will repeat myself on a few lines here:#I *really* love this character. I love that all of the dungeon meshi crew are complicated and have difficult to love components.#But Izutsumi is a particular kind of hard to love. I foresee a lot of people being turned off by her abrasiveness and lack of teamwork.#She is very self-centered and openly goes against what the party agrees on.#She's a picky eater in a story that is 50% about eating good and healthy food!#It is in part about her growth but admittedly even *then* she remains rather true to her self-centeredness.#Even though she isn't as nice or funny or compassionate as the others...Izutsumi is still someone worth loving.#Even the more difficult people are someone worth loving.#And those people in turn are people who have something and someone they love.#She may be a girlcat but she is the most human of them all.#I hope that if you are an anime only watcher and are feeling put off by her at the moment; you'll give her a chance.#By the way: *yes* I worked very hard to draw that skateboard pose. It was worth it.#EDIT: HAPPY 500th POST OF POORLY-DRAW-MDZS!!! What a comic to commemorate the milestone with!
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trick or treat!
#my art#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#maki zenin#yuta okkotsu#inumaki toge#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#u could argue that the spoilers r hidden by the costumes but idw take my chances#i havent posted art in a billion years i feel like a fraud and i am going to get a bad grade in tumblr dot com#so i am posting these early idc anymore#i still have probably one more halloween draws i plan on posting but im cracking i want these out of my drafts Now#these KILLED ME#i miss drawing fast i miss it so badddddd#dont get me wrong the costume design ws so fun i loved it but god did it take ages#but on the bright side. yuuji in a toga.#on another bright side. little devil nobara n cowgirl maki#on yet anotHER bright side. eldritch horror pandachu#these costumes eat if i do say so myself ghjsdfkgjf undead inuokko makes me so happy also they r so cute#not to mention megumi in his gay little hat god i made itfs so obnoxiously flirty in this#remember when i said the timeskip art ws the least heterosexual group photo i've ever drawn i take it back#theyre disgusting . save nobara episode 356325746732#anyway happy 10 days early halloween <3#i will try to not take a whole week to finish the last piece(s)
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autumnal chill....featuring the girl
#my art#oc#svanhildr#furry#anthro#goat#almost typed ''featuring the girk''#my favourite girk of all time baby#this took an INORDINATE amount of time but also i was experimenting with style so maybe it's somewhat ordinate#i did the brush/texturing too small but it looks nice when you zoom in on some parts#and i finally have a decent twitter banner so small mercies#anyway summer kind of sucked this year - not much warm weather. better than last year but still pretty bad#hopefully september comes in clutch with some last minute sun. so i can appreciate the autumnal chill more when it comes#also scrumping season is coming to a close and i regret not eating more greengages when i had the chance...they rotted off so fast#apple season save me. save me apple season#illustration
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its baffling seeing people on here being all shocked about how other ppl didnt have sex or do drugs or drink or go to parties etc etc in high schools like. sorry i was too busy getting bullied to do all of that stuff i guess. why are you surprised that there’s losers on the cringe loser website
#like yeah i WISHED i could do that sort of stuff#but i felt so completely isolated from everyone else at my school bc ppl were so nasty to me#its fine cos im doing all the stuff i missed out on now that im in university#but some ppl dont even get that chance#maybe its not that serious but. idk. just dont be a dick#but also ppl who didnt do that stuff acting like theyre better than ppl who did is fucking annoying and also a dick move. btw#📼
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Asexual bird? Please
How about two asexual birds?
#ask#art request#my art#art#superb fairywren#fairywren#penguin#little penguin#australian little penguin#fairy penguin#ace#asexual#ace pride#bird art#birds#queer art#pride art#digital art#pride month#lgbtqia+#lgbtq+#queer#critter series#you get two because i couldn't decide which one i wanted to do more so i decided just to do both because i love them both#and also once i realised the fairy name connection between them i couldn't not do them together#okay well technically they're officially called little penguins but i've always know them as fairy penguins#there is actually a lot of them in the state i live. i just haven't had the chance to spot any in the wild yet#but i did see them at the sydney aquarium once. they are such lil' cuties. big fan of penguins me.#as for fairywrens. well i see 'em all the time fluttering about. definitely one of my favourite types of birds#anyway that's enough about what i like. i hope *you* like them too bluesky :3
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Some 22 and 09 angst doodles
#mw3 spoilers#ghostsoap#soapghost#call of duty#modern warfare III#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#i tried to draw fluff but it didn't help me#so i've decided to just put all my feelings into these doodles#it was easier with 09 knowing they were both dead#but 22 were my safe space kinda like their second chance#and to see what the fuck happened in the campaign breaks my heart#because i know they did that just because it was rushed and it had no ending#such a disrespect to the cast and the fans
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Greatswords are a girl's best friend <3
#honkai star rail#HSR#yunli#DOOM#Berserk#Bloodborne#Yeee unga bunga#Had a chance to throw in my faves#and so I did :P
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Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.
TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.
If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.
URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag club full of queens and trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.
#ramblings#long post#not art#personal#it's the ultimate found family movie#not without its problems. i really dont like its depiction of mental health#for a movie that does an otherwise great job spotlighting the unhoused crisis in japan and its society's oppressive distain towards women#and queer people. it really drops the ball on depicting one of the biggest contributors to the crisis#but otherwise this movie is so fucking full of love and kindness and second chances and how fucking good queer folks and poc are#it blows my mind that this film came out in 2003 and the main protagonist is a trans woman who's just the fucking best#the recent gkids dub is REALLY good by the way! they got shakina nayfack; a trans va; to voice Hana!#the dub made great strides to undo a lot of the original misgendering and mistranslations#also its a christmas movie#also the ost was done by the band that did earthbound's ost
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some context for the gardener stuff: i just think it’d be really cute if she became closer with the rest of the dreemurrs and started working for asgore’s flower shop
#susie deltarune#deltarune#utdr#susie#i think she’d really dig gardening if given the chance#her first time would be with toriel#the dreemurrs are her found family WHO SAID THAT#me i did#chapter 3 save me… save me chapter 3#my art
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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I dont care that it happened you to kanji. it should have happened to ME.
#souyo#persona#p4g#art tag#guys i was like#HHH HIS BIKE BROKE IS THIS MY CHANCE?!!!?#of course. the answer was no.#ggghhhhggkkk kanji i cant stay angry at you you're too sweet#anyway i was big mad i was not allowed be be ~up close and personal~ with yosuke#also the funny thing was#the day before this event i had unlocked okina and watched a movie with yosuke#it said he took his bike#then the next day man comes up to me like YOOO I GOT MY BIKEEE LET'S GO SOMEWHERE#BABE WE ALREADY DID THIS YESTERDAY!!#just some hilarious timing lmao#also i did not look up a ref and only realised afterwards that yu's summer uniform shirt does NOT look like that#but i am a fan of breast pockets so
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...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.
(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#arno#I like to think Arno meant that as an inside thought but it came out as an outside thought. He's rolling with it though.#He did cause a Catastrophic Yaoi event though.#Jamis my beloved. You have the heart of a maiden. The body of an Ox. The brain of a loyal dog.#This is a guy who's okay being attracted to another man but *NOT* aware he's in love or that he's bisexual.#We love him for this. My god. This man is crafted so perfectly. I need you all to at least give Tigers a chance for *him*.#I'm tricking you a little bit because you will actually also fall for Ludo and Luck and Remy and Honeyfoot and-#okay you get the point. There are so many amazing characters in this comic.#I just.. my joke comic of 'gay sex is the solution' feels so ominous now knowing a few weeks later that was going to be canon.#I feel like a jester and a prophet. I don't know if I should tell anymore jokes in fear of what I may predict.#I am putting my hands together for Ludo to get a good smooch in with [redacted] in dragon form.#Also predicting something very spooky is going to go down with the diving bell. We shall see!
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noir
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk megumi#did u rly think i was gonna pass up the opportunity to draw fanart of the phanpara formalwear#sorry i see a chance to draw megumi in a suit and i jump#that being said i did debate saving this to post next month on his bday#but alas i am a slave to the immediate gratification disease#not 2 mention tht this was SO frustrating omg the similarity in tones everywhere made me want 2 hold my breath and try to die#should have picked the white dog smh i dont make things easy on myself ever#the monochrome tho.....OUgh ths th good stuff thank u phanpara i do not play but i respect u fr putting megumi in a full black suit#however.#his lapels in the official art made me want to tear my hair out i got so confused bc like/??? in th art the top folds over the bottom#but in EVERY suit cut style i could find thats not the case?? the bottom folds over the top????????#not 2 mention yuuji and gojo's suits seem to b normal its ONLY megumi tht has this anomaly of a suit#i wanted to cry so i ended up ignoring it but if someone knows smth i dont pls i need answers this has kept me awake#anyway . pupy
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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** the last two options exist because I know there will be great debate about which Three Days Grace/Linkin Park song should be on here
#polls#discussion#for me it's absolutely Every time we touch and animal I have become#hands down#also if you watched Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy AMVs there's a strong chance you saw my youtube channel at some point if it was pre2011#I had a bunch of videos with a few thousand views a piece :)#I did naruto later on too but kh/ff was more niche
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