#but there were a couple staff that were incredibly kind and made even attending possible for my mother

[formulaqueer]

went to a large event at a concert venue tonight with my mother--visibly disabled with a mobility aid--which required golf cart to get between the car and the venue. and twice, TWICE, as we were waiting for the golf cart, when one finally drove up a family of able-bodied people just hopped on and decided it was theirs. as if there was not a whole group of disabled people waiting for their transportation right in front of them. the venue staff had to run after the golf cart as it left and yell at them to get off. twice. after it took an hour for the golf cart to even get there. wow

[angryschnauzer]

Undercover Honeymoon

Summary; Having survived a helicopter crash that killed off the gang you and your senior agent had infiltrated, you hide out from the storm that brought the aircraft down by pretending to be Honeymooners at a boutique hotel... but what will 24 hours with August Walker bring you? Trouble, that’s what, and the best possible kind.

Pairing: August Walker x Female Reader (no race or body type specified)

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Smut, honestly this is entirely smut, its a crack fic too. Sigh, here goes: face slap, murder, August in a hoodie and grey sweatpants, oral sex (female recieving), blowjob, drunken antics, impared judgement, titty fucking, fingering, unprotected sex, anal sex, inappropriate lube, multiple orgasms, dubious consent, choking, dom-vibes, Sugar Daddy arrangement (but no Daddy kink).

I do not run a tag list, but if you go and follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and hit notifications, you’ll get an alert to any new stories i post. All previous fics can be found on there or on my Ao3

Undercover Honeymoon

The helicopter spiralled out of control, the tall pines looming through the storm of the century rain, screaming filled your ears, unsure if it was the sound of the engines failing or coming from your own lungs. The aircraft made contact with the trees and everything went black.

-

“Agent… AGENT!” a slap across your face sprang you from your unconscious state, your vision blurred and you winced at the sharp pain that shot through your temple as the face before you came into focus.

“Walker?�� you muttered; “Can’t blow our cover…”

Strong arms gripped your shoulders;

“Wake UP! Everyone else is dead”

The next hour was surreal. Agent Walker - your superior officer - had pulled you from the wreckage of the helicopter, past the lifeless bodies of the gang you’d infiltrated, some of which had injuries that looked suspiciously like gunshot wounds. Either way you were alive and so was the other undercover agent, and having spent the last four days running bank robberies you were relieved to be rid of the brutal gang.

Agent Walker had half dragged half carried you through the forest, and even though it was the middle of the day, the torrential rain and dark storm clouds above made the way feel like you were travelling at twilight. When you stumbled on some roots he caught you, his arm firmly around your waist;

“C’mon Agent, not much further now…” his voice softer than usual, reassuring even.

“Where’re we going?”

“Out of season ski lodge… should be quiet this time of year, just a couple of wildlife watchers no doubt”

-

What you’d been expecting was a cute little place with checkered curtains and cutesy decor, what you’d arrived at was a luxury boutique hotel. Agent Walker had managed to spin a very convincing tale of your car leaving the highway due to the weather and he’d arrange to get it recovered after the storm so you could continue your ‘honeymoon’. The receptionist had smiled warmly and offered the pair of you the luxury suite, August merrily peeling $100 bills off a stack he’d produced from his pocket, the paper band that held them together from the robbery slyly crumpled up and you quietly picked it up from the floor, a tiny smirk on the corner of his face when he spotted you covering his rare mistake.

-

Ten minutes later you were settled in your shared room, starting to peel yourself out of your soaked boots and clothing as you eyed the enormous bathroom and ultra fluffy robes that were provided.

“I’m going to go to the gift shop…” he announced, breaking the silence; “They do hoodies and stuff, i’ll grab some dry things to change into…”

“Thanks Agent Walker… I’m going to take a bath…”

He nodded quietly, standing at the door;

“It’s August… call me August”

You must have fallen asleep in the bath, as the next thing you know there is an insistent knocking on the bathroom door;

“Honey? Honey, everything ok in there?”

“Y-yes, Sorry, fell asleep…”

“Ok Honey, just got room service here delivering some lunch”

“Thanks Aug… Augie…”

Augie? Where the hell did that come from? You mentally chastised yourself. An hour ago he was your senior agent and all round grumpy supervisor, now he was ‘Augie’? You actually facepalmed yourself before taking a deep breath and climbing out of the bath. A few moments later once you were dry, wearing the fluffy robe you stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, your breath catching in your throat;

“Augie… we have company?”

Agent Walker was standing in the middle of the room in his shirt, underwear and socks, talking to the room service attendant as he tipped the young man;

“Darling, lunch is here, you must be famished” he let a warm smile spread over his face as he turned to the staff member; “We must have a bite to eat… expending lots of energy, it is our honeymoon after all…”

Once he’d ushered the man out of the room he cleared his throat and his expression dropped, his face serious again;

“I got your new attire… it fits more with the location” he motioned for you to follow him to the bed where there were a number of things laid out, however your feet were rooted to the floor; “What?”

“You’re… you’re in your underwear…”

He looked down, almost in shock to discover he was without his cargo pants;

“Yes? And you’re completely naked beneath that fetching white robe” he motioned to a side of the bed where a bunch of things were sat on the pristine white duvet; “So unless you wish to eat lunch having me know you are naked save for a glorified towel with sleeves - and that would be a delightful thought - you may want to get changed whilst i shower”

Without another word he smirked, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief and grabbed a pile of clothing on the bed, before sauntering into the bathroom, leaving you open jawed at both his sassiness and his tight ass in snug jersey boxers.

Turning back to what was laid on the bed you looked over what he’d managed to get in the hotel’s boutique; a daringly short floral summer dress, a hoodie with the Hotel’s logo on, a pack of novelty thong panties also with bears on, and the highest heeled wedge sandals you’d ever seen. Although none of this surprised you, it was after all the kind of hotel where in good weather, the rich and famous could have cocktails on the deck as they overlooked the Rocky mountains, the fact he’d managed to find your exact size in everything was impressive.

Leaving the heels off for now, you pull the panties and dress on, throwing the hoodie on unzipped to cover up a little, before going to investigate the food, realising that you probably hadn’t eaten for close to 24 hours. You were bent over the service trolley scrutinising the various dishes that had been delivered when you heard his voice;

“Huh, didn’t need to buy you a wallet, those tiny panties show off your silken purse beautifully Princess”

Spinning around you gasped, about to give him a piece of your mind but your train of thought stopped like a record scratch. There before you stood Agent August Walker, grey sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips, chest bare as he pulled a khaki green hoodie over his still damp curls. You noticed how his beard was a little beyond stubble, his mustache curling as a small smile tugged as his lips. Your gaze unashamedly ran down the length of his entire body, emphasis on length as it was clear he was without any underwear, and those rumours that were quietly whispered in the ladies room at the Pentagon were looking to be true as to exactly why they called him ‘The Hammer’.

Still holding a cooling French Fry he sauntered over to you before grabbing a sandwich from the platter;

“My apologies… that was inappropriate” he took a bite, before talking with his mouth full; “Been a crazy 24 hours huh?”

“Y-yeah, you could say that… so, what’s the plan?”

Just at that moment an incredible gust of wind rattled the windows to the point you thought they would blow in, the lights overhead flickered before settling back to bright as he answered;

“Eat, Drink, Sleep. We’re stuck here at least overnight. We don’t have any cells or electronics people can trace, and having checked the map this is not the closest civilisation to the crash site so even if people did come looking for us, this isn’t the first place they’d think of… however in this weather the roads are impassable, at least two rivers have breached their banks, we’re basically cut off from the rest of the world here in our own little bubble” he took a bite of sandwich before grinning at you; “So eat up, the bar downstairs is well stocked, dinner is apparently served in about 4 hours, and there’s a game room if you’re up for a round or two of pool…”

-

Giggling you both tumbled into your suite, August flicking the light switch up and down before realising the power had gone out at the exact moment he’d unlocked the door;

“Oooh dark… are you afraid of the dark Princess?”

The pair of you stumbled and turned, pushing the door shut and you found yourself pressed between it and August’s body, his lips finding your neck as he pressed kisses along your jugular, his facial hair leaving behind a trail of tingling skin in its wake;

“Depends who i’m in the dark with…”

He was so close, in the faint last traces of daylight as the storm took hold of the night you could see the outline of his face, how his long eyelashes rested against his cheeks as he closed his eyes, his breath warm on your skin as you were surrounded by his scent, pine soap and single malt whiskey;

“A monster…”

“I was never afraid of monsters…”

He dropped to his knees in front of you, pressing a kiss to your clothed stomach before his hands were beneath the skirt and pulling your novelty panties down;

“Hold your dress up Princess, show me that pretty pussy”

Doing as he told you, you gripped the pretty fabric in your hands as he hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, pressing kisses to your inner thighs before his thick fingers parted your folds and he dived in. His mustache and light beard pricked at your sensitive skin, but his tongue and lips soothed your aching core, desperate for attention and dripping with need as he went to town on you. He quickly brought you to orgasm before pushing you on for the next, his fingers now knuckle deep in your velvet walls, curling just right to find that spot that had you dripping, his tongue working against your clit to the point where you had to steady yourself by curling one hand through his soft chestnut curls, riding his face as you cried out his name.

Now over sensitive, you pulled his curls to get him to relent, a grunt of frustration coming from between your thighs;

“Augie… please… too sensitive…”

He quickly stood, lifting you to kiss you roughly, his tongue pushing into your mouth and you could taste yourself on his tongue as he gripped your ass as he carried you across the room before unceremoniously dropping you on the bed;

“Strip” he commanded as he staggered to the bathroom. 

You ignored his request, instead reaching for a bottle of water at the side of the bed, taking a drink from he as he returned holding a bottle;

“August… what’s that?”

He looked down at the bottle, almost surprised he was holding something and blinked a few times before looking back at you;

“Baby oil. Its... Baby oil”

“Why do you have Baby oil?” you asked, already knowing the answer but with a sly streak wanting to get him to admit it

“Because they didn’t sell condoms in the gift shop so i cant fuck your pussy because i can’t check to see if you’re on birth control” he blurted out quickly.

Whatever you had been expecting, it hadn’t been that, and as you coughed on the water you had been about to drink, August got distracted and moved to light the candles that sat on the table in the centre of the room now that the only available light was the tiny light over the sink in the bathroom that was battery operated. You watched as he somehow managed to strike the matches and light the candles even though he was visibly drunk, before returning back to the bed and standing over you;

“Why aren’t you naked?” he frowned at you; “Don’t make me rip that pretty little dress off of you Princess”

Shimmying out of your dress you bit your lip as you watched him watching you, the low light dancing over your body and enough for you to see the obscene bulge barely contained by his sweatpants. He stood at the edge of the bed, towering over you before he took hold of your ankles and roughly pulled you to the edge of the bed before he pulled the grey sweats down and you finally got sight of his legendary hammer;

“Fuck…”

“We’ll get to that Princess, but first, suck”

Taking him in your hands he was hot and throbbing at your touch, his thick shaft patterned with veins, heavy and virile. You pumped your fist, your fingers unable to meet as you worked his uncut dick. You felt his hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer until you had no choice but to open your mouth and take him as deep as you could, gagging as he immediately hit the back of your throat and started to fuck your mouth.

Holding your head in place with both hands he rocked his hips back and forth, groaning as he stretched your lips almost uncomfortably. Soon you had spit running down your chin as he rained down a stream of degrading compliments;

“Cock hungry slut, look at you with my dick in your mouth… does it taste good, Jesus christ your tongue is perfect, yeah do that thing again, fuck, i can feel your throat tight around me…” with a gasp he pulled out, a trail of spittle hanging from your lips to his angry red tip, before he grabbed the baby oil and pushed you back until you were laying flat on the bed;

“Push your tits together, i’m gonna fuck them and cum all over your pretty face”

He climbed on the bed, straddling your lower torso as you found yourself pushing your breasts together. The click of a bottle of baby oil and it was being poured in the valley of your chest, before he settled his dick against the slick skin. He dropped the bottle and with a grunt pulled his hoodie over his head, revealing his glorious chest, covered in dark hair and thicker than you had realised. 

His dick was heavy against your chest as he took your hands in his and showed you how he wanted you to hold your titties for him, rocking his hips bath and forth as his hot flesh slipped through your soft pillows, the angry tip poking out at your neck with each thrust;

“So fucking pretty, gonna cum all over that face… you wanna taste my cum you little slut? Yeah? Cock hungry slut, can’t get enough of my dick, can you?”

You didn’t answer, the lust in his eyes making you drunk with desire, instead you tipped your head to your chest and opened your mouth, letting August’s dick slide into your mouth, the salty tang of his precum hitting your senses.

His thrusts were becoming rough and violent, his hips squeezing your ribcage as he fought back against the urge to cum, but you wanted it, needed it;

“August, will you cum on my face, pretty please?” you batted your eyelashes at him innocently and it was the final straw, and you watched as he threw his head back and thick ropes of his creamy seed spurted over your mouth and cheeks as he groaned so deliciously. On the last spurt you leaned forwards and took his tip into your mouth, gently laving your tongue over the leaking slit, before releasing him softly. August had eased his gasp on your tits, and using his thick finger he scooped the cum from your cheek;

“Open wide Princess”

Sticking your tongue out you sucked the bitter treat from his finger, before he repeated it with the other cheek. Finally swallowing you grinned at him;

“Thank you August”

His hand paused on your cheek, softly cupping it;

“Anything for you Princess… now scoot up the bed, i wanna eat that pussy again whilst i get you ready for my dick”

He swung his leg over so you could wriggle up the bed, and immediately he was laying between your legs, both of your thighs over his shoulders as he started to sloppily eat you out again, except this time his lubed fingers strayed to your asshole and he already had one knuckle deep in your back entrance. You were writhing against his tongue, and although not as accurate with his targets this time now that the alcohol in his system was taking hold, that wide tongue was driving you to heaven as his fingers pulled you down into the dark pits of depravity that hell could only contain. You were uttering almost incomprehensible gibberish, begging for more which he eagerly gave, a second and soon a third finger stretching your ass as he prepared you for what was yet to come. You came with a scream as his wide tongue tormented your pussy until you had to physically pull him by his curls to stop, breathless as you watched him kneel on the bed and grab the baby oil, pouring some onto his hand to lube his dick before smoothing a considerable amount over your asshole and lined up his now raging hard on with your stretched hole. He paused, looking down at you;

“Final chance to back out… do you want me to fuck your ass?”

“Yes… please August, i want your dick in my ass, i want you to cum in my ass, treat me like a dirty anal slut”

With a groan he pushed forwards, slowly breaching your body and you felt the uncomfortable stretch of having a dick slide into your ass. Even with the prep and the oil it still took a while for your body to relax enough for him to push in, but when he eventually was balls deep in your ass you felt so full you were sure you would burst;

“Oh my god… You’re so big…”

“Taking me like a champ Princess, even with the oil your ass is so fucking tight i’m struggling not to blow my load right here and now”

“Fuck my ass August, do it hard, i wanna feel it in the morning…”

With a roar he started to fuck into you, holding himself up on his massive arms as his hips pistoned into you, filling your barren depths as his pubic bone rubbed against your empty pussy and your juices flooded his crotch;

“So fucking wet Princess, leaking all down your ass, its only adding to the lube so i can fuck you harder. Your poor little battered asshole, you’re barely gonna be able to sit tomorrow… apart from back on my dick as we have breakfast, don’t think this is the only time i’m gonna fuck your ass, i’m gonna use this hole until you’re loose and stretched, so i can just bend you over and slide my dick into your ass. Gonna hide those stupid panties i bought you, i want you walking around bare, my cum dripping down your legs where there’s so much inside you, you can barely keep it inside… shame the gift shop didn’t sell plugs, i woulda’ filled you with my load and have you plugged and ready lubed for me to use whenever i pleased…”

August’s dirty talk had you cumming hard, squeezing him tight and yet he fucked you straight through it. Laying limp as he continued to fill your ass he slowed and moved, kneeling on the bed as he moved your legs from either side of his lips until both your feet were over one of his shoulders, pushing and pulling you until he had one arm firmly wrapped around your knees and he could fuck into your ass as he held you like a rag doll. The new position was tighter, deeper, and as you started to pant out with lust his free hand rested on your throat, squeezing carefully but firmly;

“Harder…” you panted out, your head swimming as your airway was restricted, and as he pounded into your ass you were both getting close.

“Gonna cum in your ass, fill you up with a massive load, you want that Princess?”

You tried to say yes, but all that came out was a tiny croak as his massive hand gripped your throat. Before you could even try again your orgasm hit, your eyes rolling back in their sockets as you squirted, your body gripping him so tight he reached his peak, pushing in as deep as he could as he pumped your ass full of his cum.

August released his grip on your neck, pulling out gently as he softly lay your legs on the bed;

“Did so well Princess, such a good little slut…”

You could only hum out a response, your mind as used as your body was.

-

You woke to the sound of soft rain falling against the window, peering out from beneath the duvet you could see that the grey light of morning was filling the room, the storm seemingly blown mostly through with just a persistent rain now dampening the earth. Shifting on the bed you winced, everything was sore, but especially your ass. But then a warm body pressed to your back, a large hand smoothed over your stomach and a familiar voice spoke softly in your ear as stubble brushed against your bare shoulders;

“Rise and shine…”

“Hmmmmm no, i don’t wanna get up” you grumbled

“But…”

“Noooo. If we get up then we’ve got to think about things going back to normal, i just wanna pretend i’m able to stay in a hotel as nice as this when i’m not trying to escape a dangerous gang… too many responsibilities, too much stress… i just want another half hour of being treated like a Princess” you grumbled.

A quiet chuckle came from behind you;

“There’s no reason why we can’t do this again”

Turning in his arms, you looked at August;

“How? You’re my superior Agent, the CIA pushes and pushes and pushes, I never get enough time off to do something like this, If i had known i was literally signing my life away i would never have signed up for the academy. What’s the fucking use of earning a good wage if i can never enjoy it… and its not even that good of a wage to be honest…” you paused and narrowed your gaze; “Have you showered?”

“Yes. And i have a proposition for you…”

“Keep talking…”

August started to move, slowly climbing between your legs and you felt his hard dick resting against your folds, your pussy instinctively growing wet, slowly rubbing against you as he smiled down at you;

“As a senior agent i get a considerably better wage than you do, but i don’t have anyone to share it with, anyone to treat like a Princess and spoil with gifts that they deserve… but i also want someone that will be agreeable to my darkest desires…” he rocked his hips back before slowly parting his thighs, and you felt the nudge of his tip at your soaked pussy; “... someone, a woman i can treat like a Princess but will let me fuck them like a whore… can i fuck your pussy like a whore?”

The gentle nudge of his dick just stretching the ring of muscle that granted access to the heaven between your legs had you begging, pleading to be August’s Whore. He let out a sigh of pleasure as he slowly sank into your pussy, bare and unprotected filling you with his virile shaft;

“You’re my Slutty Princess…taking my dick like a pro”

In that hotel room August Walker became your sugar Daddy, and over room service breakfast you agreed the details of your arrangement as you sat on his lap, his dick in your ass as he fed you strawberries, before he grew impatient and bounced you on his dick until he came in your barren depths. Resting back against his chest, his softening dick still inside you he played with your pussy as he discussed the next step, trying to decide if a trip to an adult store or a jewellery store should be the first stop after returning to DC;

“How about a jewelled plug?” you suggested; “That’s the best of both worlds”

Holding your jaw he turned your head so he could kiss you, pulling away and grinning;

“See, that’s why you’re the perfect Princess, smart and sexy…”

You felt him start to harden in your ass again, wriggling and letting out a giggle as you felt him stretch your insides;

“Over the table or out on the balcony in the rain?” you asked

“Oooh lets do the balcony… its check out time so a few other guests will be able to see my little slut have her battered asshole filled with another load”

There on the balcony that overlooked the serene mountains August filled your ass again, your naked bodies soaked with the rain as he gripped your breasts whilst he fucked you from behind. 

You couldn’t wait to be August’s play thing.

[hyukmoon]

moon. | l.sy x gn!reader

lee sangyeon x gn!reader

word count: about 4.01k

to put it short: congrats! Something you should actually say, right? Your best friend and crush is getting married in two days and you feel,... well, not very good about it. So, wait... he's returning the feelings? Damn.

content warning: ANGST in capital letters, I would add lots of exclamation points but im lazy. So yeah, hella angsty. Some good old making out, it's kind of heavy at some point but no smut at this point lol. I don't condone any of the done actions, so yeah, I would've personally handled everything differently, but you know, y/n is kinda wild. Very awkward sometimes, but that's more the situation in itself. ALSO, NOT PROOFREAD

taglist: @loki-in-hogwarts

note: the second thing i wrote and im somewhat excited!!! Yes! Exclamation points. So,... thanks for reading :)

It was a great day. Well, at least seemingly for everyone but you. Your best friend in this world Sangyeon was about to get married to the love of his life, who is notyou and now you just stand in the hotel lobby waiting for it to happen. Funnily enough, the crushing feeling of desperation and fear didn’t seem to set in yet.

The hotel lobby was filled to the brim with acquaintances and other guests possibly confused by the uproar of the wedding guests. So, who were you specifically waiting for? The rest of your friend group, the ones who will most likely clean up after the wedding whatever will be left of you.

A nervous smile swept up to your lips, casually just avoiding every sort of tension that could come across you. Just with the luck of this entire occurrence an older woman started to approach you, demon alike features spreading around her face almost like she knew you were apparently the only single person here. An aunty, that wasn’t even related to you but had all the business to judge.

“Are you here for the bride or the groom?”, her sweet voice rang a familiar feeling in your stomach. Almost too sweet, making you suspicious of her intent. “I’m here for my best friend, Sangyeon. So, yeah, for the groom.”, you hesitated a second, “What about you though? Do you know the bride?”

“She’s my youngest niece, the only one that still visits, her sisters don’t even care anymore…” You nodded politely, not wanting to anger her now and stepped towards a different direction.

“So, my dear, are you here with anybody?” You already feared that question, the same as always. The eyes of yours started with a panicked expression searching through the room a familiar pair. “No, I am here on my own. I kinda wanted to focus on getting Sangyeon through with it, being there for him.” As a friend.

Possibly this was the first part of feeling despair and fear. People at this wedding were really waiting for them to get married. They weren’t joking, this would change everything.

“Ah, I see. You know, get over him. Well, it is time for you at least, you’re not getting younger. There are quite few handsome men here. I remember the names Juyeon and ah yes! Kevin, get over here!” As far as you were concerned, your facial expression couldn’t possibly look more stunned than a moment ago, yet another one of your good friends appeared, seemingly just as confused.

This only held on for a good second, Kevin knew exactly what to do. “Oh hi, I’m so sorry to steal [Y/N] away from you, but I actually need to talk to them on my own over a gift we both prepared for the couple!”, he grinned at the lady, who was obviously smitten with him. “Yes, of course, hun. Take your time.” She finally hushed into a separate direction.

“So, how are we doing? You seem kinda… stressed.”

“You don’t say”, you sighed, “if I have to go through a conversation like this again today, believe me I’ll-. “

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I get the sentiment. Even though I meant more the other situation. Like in, Sangyeon getting married and you sitting here all grumpy because of it.”, Kevin was already aware of your “small” infatuation with your best friend, a man too far out of your reach also funnily enough, the man’s wedding you’re attending. However, your friend in front of you didn’t seem to mind talking about it out loud in a place like the hotel lobby. Your lips tightened up into a fine line.

“I’m not grumpy! I just…I don’t really know what to do. I mean, I know I’m going to be there for him but yeah, okay, I might feel a bit grumpy.” The lobby did clear up a lot now.

“Okay, oof. There’s this dinner with everyone in the evening today, do you think you can get through that?”, Kevin asked hesitantly just as stressed with this additional complication.

“I mean, I probably have to, don’t I? This makes me so sick, ugh. Not gonna lie, my stomach feels like a laundry machine.” You laughed quietly and drifted off again into a place where you didn’t need to think about this.

“What did you really expect though? You know I love you, respectfully, but like, this feels like an incredibly bad move to do.”

“Don’t you think it would be worse if I didn’t show up at all? I’ll just need to go through this weekend and I’m outta here. No one will know anything.” It might feel like a nightmare but at least a nightmare you can actually run away from and not actually have to face at some point.

“Well, I hope you’ll keep your confidence. Because imagine I saw the person, I love getting married to someone else. Oh my, believe me, you wouldn’t find me for the next three weeks.”

“Not very helpful, a good three out of ten. I guess, I’ll just stick to sulking around then.” A dead smile crept up your lips following a stern look from your side at your opposite.

“Seems like a good plan, just stick to me, maybe we will find someone to take your attention away from this, huh?” A sly grin was visible on Kev’s face.

“Ughhh, of course. Let’s do this. It can’t get much worse than that”, you cleared your throat, “thanks, though. You actually make this here somewhat bearable.”

“Awww, come on. We should pack out our suitcases.”

No one can really prepare someone for a moment like this. Most older folk turned into their hotel rooms which left you in a party like situation seeing your closest friends turning it up in a huge pavilion while the future groom sits comfortably on a velvety sofa hand in hand with his fiancée.

The air was quite warm even at this time of the evening, not humid, just warm enough for everyone to taste the end of this era with nostalgia and a slight feeling of energy to experience what’s to come afterwards.

You as well sat down, continuously processing your environment. With a cup of your favorite drink, you felt invincible, nothing able to shake you down.

Now while this wasn’t a preferred environment, this was manageable; you could look your best friend into his eyes and proudly congratulate him on his wedding. You would be able to get over this and continue to be a great friend. Black hair with an intense facial expression made its way into your viewpoint along with a somewhat tipsy Kevin. Simultaneously the lighter hair of your best friend fought his way through the crowd.

Lee Sangyeon, the man lighting up your mood with simple touch of his fingertips was now signalizing for you to head outside towards the veranda of the pavilion. He exuded patience, yet clearly waiting for a response of you. You nodded and brushed cautiously over your evening attire.

“Hii, [Y/N]! Can I introduce this someone to you? This is Juyeon, he might look a bit intense, but he’s really nice to talk to! So, I’m gone for a sec then!” Kevin started drifting off into a different direction where you stopped him in his tracks.

“Could this wait? Sangyeon needs to talk to me. I think it’s important, I’ll come back though in a bit!” You gifted both of them an apologetic face and made your way around the men towards the going to be groom.

Surely it wasn’t exactly clear why he wanted to speak to you, especially on his own. He was still waiting for you after all.

“[Y/N]! What has it been? Like three? Four months? I missed you so much.”, Sangyeon pulled you into his chest abruptly and sighed softly into your shoulder. Engulfed entirely in his figure you never wanted to wake up from this again. Was it now 10 seconds? 15 seconds? Neither he nor you really seemed to let go, taking in all the scents of his that were formerly familiar to you.

“Yeah, I think so. You were probably busy planning this all and I just had to work, I guess.” Trying to keep it short was your main goal, appearing distant maybe. He didn’t mind at all though. Not discouraged from continuing this conversation Sangyeon pointed at the veranda, showing the only speck of space with little to no crowd.

The veranda was close to closed off to the party. Non distinguishable palm trees in the far distance were playing right into your cards for not having to look into his eyes. Magnetically glowing, that’s how he appeared. All happy and smiley about the obvious luck he was experiencing. Now again, he sat down with you in the beach chairs without loosing a word.

“The palm trees are so pretty. You remember me wanting to buy some new plants?”, you tried to invite him to the conversation.

“You always want to buy new plants, which time do you mean?” Sangyeon grinned to himself. “You know what? It’s so weird. Everything feels still so unreal. This wedding, also you at my wedding… So weird.”

“I am literally your best friend, where else should I be? Your funeral? At home? Who else is going to charm the hotel staff for some free capri suns and new towels?” Your mouth crinkled up and you let out a soft laugh.

“[Y/N] … You know exactly what I mean!”

“Noo, not at all. I’m so confused right now, not gonna lie.” Your face finally moved towards his direction, seeing his gentle gaze resting on you.

“Do you remember when we were still in school, and we promised each other we would marry each other if we didn’t find anybody else?” His gaze got more intense with each sentence.

“Yeahh, kind of. I was probably tired and it’s like ten years ago. I’m not really sure what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I really thought I was going to marry you. For several years, actually.”, he laughed. “I had such a crush on you and then you met your s/o and all that. Ughh, it seemed so complicated back then. Kind of weird to think about what could have happened if I did ask you out or something.”

“True.”, you turned away again standing up and resting against the wooden railing of the pavilion. “But you didn’t so, let’s just drop it there.” The weather as well started rebelling a bit, the wind hugging your figure slightly too tight for your taste.

“Why are you so cold all of a sudden?”, he whispered closely behind you.

“Well, you’re getting married tomorrow. And you’re telling me about a crush you had on me?”, you croaked.

“I was just being nostalgic, I thought this would be fine with you.” Sangyeon appeared now next to you on the railing, waiting for you to face his concerned dark eyes.

“It isn’t for me. It just feels wrong.”

“What feels so wrong about it? It was a long time ago.”

It is here, the bitterness. Bitterness shouldn’t even be the correct term, the pain of your heart going into a slump didn’t feel like a fitting word. Being reminded again that you will never have a chance again.

“Wait or is it not a long time ago for you?”, The voice of his tried to word his next sentence very carefully.

“I went out with them because I thought you were joking. Then when I thought about you, it was always different. It was too late though, you met her.” Only the close ocean along with the wind were hearable, neither you nor he were able to form another thought put into a sentence.

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve-.”

“Broken up with her?”

“No, I-.”

“Then what could you have done?”, you interrupted Sangyeon’s rambling, trembling while speaking. Terribly spiteful with a bite that wasn’t too often dripping down your lips.

“This.” Sangyeon pressed a fluttery kiss against your lips. Slender fingers tapped onto the skin right under your chin, signalizing you to look at him.

The now much calmer atmosphere made you snake your arms around his torso. Heat rose towards your head, longing after a second out in the cold again just to see his lovely facial expression. Your lips broke off and touched once more in an almost hypnotic fashion.

His hot breath started sliding downwards your cheek to your neck, physically making you unable to resist his entrancing presence. Also his hands broached over from your face down to your waist, holding you with the lightest touch.

Sangyeon’s lips darted away from yours, catching you staring deeply into his eyes. The silence felt warm now as well, filled with the slow and recovering breath of the participants.

“[Y/N], I think I still feel that way.”, a rosy blush swept over the man’s face you wanted to hear say these things so many times and so long ago.

“No. No. No. You shouldn’t! I shouldn’t either! I have to go.” The reality of the situation caught up to you. This was bad. Incredibly bad. Still the disgusting feeling of hope within this made its way up to your head. Stinging alongside the feeling of remorse, you didn’t think clearly, especially now, next to him.

You darted in the fastest way possible from the pavilion up to the hotel to your room, leaving him there.

Today should be the final day. The hopes that already should have been buried a long time ago, crawled up again and clawed its way into your mind. What if he leaves her for you today? Like in those unrealistic rom coms. Yes, again, it was unrealistic.

Leaving her at the altar and running after you. While all those thoughts of hope and wishes came together you found yourself with a stomachache. His fiancée was an incredibly nice person, sweet and kind along with being a beauty. You shouldn’t even dare to think about Sangyeon that way anymore, she deserved a lot more. Quite honestly, you felt pathetic. Who were you to run into their possible future?

Just because of a simple brush over the lips, his eyes staring into yours like no one else existed but you and his soft hands delicately touching your waist. A tap on your shoulder put you out of your trance, “[Y/N]? Can you go up to Sangyeon’s room? He asked for you.” Kevin’s eyes glanced at you with uncertainty. Neither you nor he knew why he wanted to see you.

Even more importantly, why did he need to see you alone? This seemed like dangerous territory after, basically yesterday. Agony rose again, what if he really was going to leave her?

“Sure, I don’t know why he wants to see me again though.”, you said and left to see the groom’s room. You stumbled more and more over every step closer to the door of the man who’s going to rip your heart and air out of your lungs. The normally soft laid out carpet felt in this moment like you were stepping barefoot over glass. There was the door, brightly painted in eggshell paired with the digits of the hotel room.

Before you could reach the door to knock on it, light brown waves greeted your overtly surprised face.

“You clean up well.”, Sangyeon’s rang in your ears clearer than freshly hung-up laundry in your nose. His previously concerned face curled up into a faint smile.

“Same goes for you”, you tried your best to hide the very apparent frog in your throat, “So, why do you need me?”

“Just needed to see you before going out there, I guess.”, his voice got a lot quieter. It got silent.

Not sure if a said word was necessary, you plopped down on a small, velvety stool. Every whisper was to be heard. An otherness surrounded Sangyeon, like he wasn’t there anymore, and his thoughts took over his being. You scooted closer towards him, just wanting to see him up close for the last time like this, smelling his earthy cologne from this distance.

“Why are you doing this to me?”, your voice went close to hoarse after the question. He was just as silent as before. No sound, nothing. This torment of a weekend was supposed to end with no gratification, not feeling free from this feeling on your chest? Your hand slid over his, the most desperate attempt to get his attention while also experiencing his touch again. Sangyeon jerked his hand back and returned to his absent posture.

“Why do you want to hurt me like this? I am your best friend, and you use me like I’m nothing.” The lack of power you had now made you sink down to the beige teddy carpet. Small tears started swelling up in your nearly dry eyes, kind of contradictory, yet the more tear drops rolled down your cheeks the rottener and hollow you felt.

“You were my best friend until you-.”, he stopped midsentence, “made me feel things again I didn’t need, I didn’t want.” Also his face was wet, ridden with tears making his usually calm and cheerful persona look like a painful insult.

“You asked me here. It hurts, Sangyeon. I can’t make it stop hurting, I don’t know what to do”, you reached for him again, “Could I ever be enough for you?” He returned your former attempts to stroke your face. Cornering both of you, the air trapped you in the toxins of heartbreak and hopelessness.

Once again, Sangyeon’s hand glid over your soft skin and halted on your face. Glaringly staring into each other’s eyes, you were there again. The day before, yesterday. Close to baring the soul of each person present.

“[Y/N], it’s not about being enough. It never has been. I have made a commitment I already broke, I…I can’t do this”, he sighed, “you know I love her.”

“I thought you loved me as well.” Overwhelming nothingness overruled you, almost scaring you about this reaction. You weren’t crying, yelling nor having any physical reaction at all. It was convincingly numb; the resting hurt would come later. Sangyeon’s head dropped in the dip of your shoulder and neck.

This sort of closeness would never happen again. You feeling him breathing into you while having his comforting heartbeat close to yours.

“I do, but I can’t do this to her. I would never do this to her.”, he whispered into your shoulder. A sigh came from his side.

“Then, please. Kiss me, for the last time.” The last part of the sentence left a disgustingly bitter taste in your mouth. This was over, right? His head, which was formerly resting on your shoulder, drifted up and towards yours. Also his expression blank and hollow, like he didn’t know anything.

For the last time, his hands cupped your face in a comfortable manner. As always, he felt homely, but he surely wasn’t yours ever. Not even waiting a good second or two, the light brunette’s face came closer to yours. With no hesitation both of your lips touched tenderly, releasing every sort of affection that could be expressed at that second. You inhaled again his intoxicating scent, in the hopes of having him all over you. His now reddened lips moved closer towards your jawline making you gasp for air.

Also, you weren’t completely still, constantly shifting your hands up and down over his torso upwards his neck, desperately feeling everything, you can for the last time. Sangyeon’s locks tickled you softly while he suddenly latched his mouth onto your neck right below your ear.

“No. Please, I just want a kiss on my lips.”, you said lowly, closely resembling a whine afterwards. He complied pretty quickly, leaving you with no thought but him tickling your bottom lip with his warm tongue. With him being this fast, you didn’t want to keep him on his toes. Entirely engaged in this moment, hands surprised you again on your waist, wandering closer and closer under the blouse you were wearing. You moaned into the kiss, making him take the opportunity to maneuver his tongue into your mouth.

Similarly to you, he was also stunned for a short moment when you grabbed up onto some strands of hair. A sigh left his now plump lips, a need of fresh air arrived onto both of you. Yet this was short lived, his hands captured your chin and attached his lips again onto yours in a matter of mere seconds. A bell rang, close footsteps to be heard across the floor reminding you of the situation you were in.

“Why am doing this? I am so sorry.”, you broke off his lips and took a step backwards at the door.

“[Y/N], we both did this, and it won’t happen again. We just need some time without each other. I think it would be for the best if we don’t spend time together alone anymore.”

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing? I don’t know what to say. I-.”, His lips captured yours again fast with a lot more force behind his kiss.

A strong arm shut the about to be opened door again and hovered over your head. The other one caught grabbed your chin with an almost contradictory feeling to it, the lightest touch just to shove you into his direction. You sighed into his lips, waiting for him to commit with his tongue one more time. Buttery lips pressed against yours and clang inside your mouth. Fiercely did your tongues meet, ending with him sucking on yours. Wet cheeks batting against each other with no intent of separating, your movement still came to a halt.

“You know what? I hate this. I want you to be happy, then if it is with her, I will just y’know…go or uhm mind my business.”, you slurred the last part. It wasn’t really one of your most prideful moments. Still flushed with tears and embarrassment you dropped again against the room door.

“I ask for one condition though,” incredibly hearse was your voice after the crying and even more so because of your follow up, “I do not not want to see you for some time, I don’t want to have to see your face ever again.” Tears weren’t anymore swelling up in your eyes, they never seemed to stop running down with no chance of leaving this conversation with an ounce of self-respect and pride.

It wasn’t even really much of a problem to leave him behind for a bit, it most likely would be for the best anyway, yet while his words should only leave a small mark and feel like a ripped off band aid, you felt alone. A sense of loneliness crept stealthily into you leaving you with nothing but a severe feeling of dread.

“If that is what you want, I’ll respect that.” The room got quieter till you heard the last of his words: “Of course, I still want you in on my wedding though, you’re still my best friend.” Sangyeon’s usual soft and kind smile appeared on his face, seemingly reaching you an olive branch. The former assertiveness and confidence drained through the conversation; you were nothing but a wreck.

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

The ceremony was beautiful. Fairy like flowers were hung all across the beach space, making the place more surreal than it was to begin with. Everything light with a hint of light green and an even lighter lavender tone. The air seemed to have evaporated all the tension and sadness from your face. All across the seats were relatives and friends sitting with a nervously happy face. Ironically, he really thought it was going to be you someday.

“You’re [Y/N], right? Everyone always tried to introduce me to you. Now we’re sitting next to each other at Sangyeon’s wedding together! I’m Juyeon by the way.”

[hualianff]

Thinking about XL who used to be an heir to one of the fastest-growing technology companies in the world, “Xianle Tech.” When his family’s business was still thriving, XL attended a lot of charity events to meet with clients and cultivate important connections he would have to uphold as future CEO.

Everything seemed to be going according to plan, XL developing a respectable name for himself as he began business school. Once he graduated, XL shadowed his father at work, learning the ropes of how to run a successful company that competed with the best in the world.

However, the success was never meant to last.

Only three years down the road, XianLe Tech suffered a major setback when reports spread that their new product line caused harmful explosions after little use. After paying millions in indemnification for the damage customers experienced, another scandal revealed XianLe Tech had been profiting off of unpaid labor.

Within one month, the world XL had grown up to know crumbled all around him. And he could do nothing about it. All the “friends” XL had disappeared within a blink of an eye. No one wanted to be associated with the family who had resorted to dirty practices for their advantage, which is incredibly ironic considering the business industry is all about networking and using others as stepping stones to achieve selfish goals.

Nevertheless, XL understood that it had been wrong, that he and his parents were wrong to disregard the roots of their manufacturing process. XL wasn’t aware of his privilege up until now, but he sure as hell would learn how to combat this systematic inequity, somehow salvaging what he had left along the way.

XL becomes a social worker who is a Youtuber on the side, educating his viewers about class injustices, homelessness, poverty, and the same exploitation of lower-class resources that led to XianLe Tech’s downfall. He also incites them to engage in random acts of kindness whenever they can. He doesn’t have a huge subscriber following, doesn’t make money off of his videos. XL is just glad that some people watch his videos. He hopes he can make a positive impact on their lives, no matter how small.

After all, XL is a firm believer that despite the world being a scary and lonely place, having at least one person let you know you are cared for is enough to make a difference–is enough to save a life.

***

“I am sorry, but we cannot serve you at this moment.”

“But we talked on the phone a few hours ago. I have a reservation,” XL says calmly. He holds up his phone with the confirmation page pulled up. The waiter doesn’t even glance at the screen, sniffing as if XL is nothing but a nuisance.

“Still, we don’t serve people like you,” he says, eyeing XL’s outfit with distaste.

Ah, so it was an appearance issue. XL quickly looks around at the seated guests, catching sight of wrists adorned with miraculous jewels and pricey wristwatches, bodies clothed with expensive fabrics no doubt imported from overseas. The same aura of practiced prestige and sophistication lingers in the air.

XL doesn’t even have to glance down at his ripped jeans, cream-colored sweater, and flimsy white jacket to know he sticks out like a sore thumb. He internally sighs, slightly regretting taking SQX up on their recommendation to try out The Red Thread. If XL knew he would’ve been barred from in-dining eating, he would not have placed a reservation in the first place.

But XL doesn’t want to give up just yet. He still has a lot to learn about class discrimination and prejudices; if XL were to walk away now with his tail between his legs, it would be giving power to those who claimed superiority and unjust treatment in the first place. Instead of allowing this waiter to brush him to the side like a pest, XL stands his ground, adjusting his beige handbag on his shoulder.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Could you please elaborate?” XL asks in a breezy tone. A sense of amusement bubbles in his gut when the waiter looks visibly annoyed.

“Sir, we don’t mean to be unaccommodating. However, there are standards in place that were set by the CEO himself. We are simply abiding by his standards,” the waiter says, presenting the matter like he had no choice but to turn XL away.

“Is it a money problem? Because I assure you I can pay for my meal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” XL tries again. The waiter narrows his eyes, making XL gulp nervously. He unconsciously twists the hair not pulled back in his half-bun.

A few more waiters gather around them, ready to jump in if things get too heated.

“Oh, I’m certain the former heir to XianLe Tech can afford our service,” the main waiter sneers unkindly. XL’s breath catches in his throat upon being recognized. The probing eyes suffocate him, probably taking into account how renowned he was years ago and thinking how far he has fallen to come to a Michelin-starred restaurant dressed like this.

XL feels himself losing steam.

“But we are asking you to leave. It’s up to you whether or not force will be necessary.”

“It’s not right to refuse service when there is no valid reason in doing so,” XL says, more desperate this time.

“You do not pass the dress code,” another waiter pipes up. “You are not fit to be here.”

The main waiter now walks towards XL, a grim expression on his face.

“Wait, I’d like to speak to your manager, if they’re here–”

“I am the manager. Don’t make things harder for yourself,” the manager replies brusquely. He stands tall in front of XL, an intimidation tactic used to make XL back down. XL’s face heats up as he realizes he’s caught the attention of other customers as well. He’s like a trapped animal being told to scram in the presence of merciless predators.

It’s not a nice feeling, not at all.

Humiliation seeps into XL’s bones. It’s been a while since he was last scrutinized by the general public, and while this is only a handful of elite gathered in a medium-sized building, the burden weighing down on XL feels like that of the weight of the world. He needs to escape. He needs to breathe. Because only then can XL continue saving himself.

Right as XL decides it might be time to let the reins go, he hears the whooshing sound of the doors opening. He doesn’t turn to see who has entered, but the surrounding staff who were observing the exchange go deathly silent. Their faces automatically mold into a mask of obedience, posture tightening up.

***

He is one of the oldest orphans in the orphanage. His age alone makes him fit for this task, and if he does it right, he can earn money as well as the good graces of his caretakers. He can do it.

He must. He must survive.

But there are so many people. So many plates and tables and silverware. Everyone is so tall, so big, so important. It’s been three hours, and his feet have developed blisters. The bruises from a couple days ago still throb. When he smells all the rich aromas coming from the kitchen, from the plates he carries upon both hands, his stomach growls.

He feels light-headed. Too many people, he thinks. Too much talking and boisterous laughter. He wants to leave but he can’t. He won’t be paid until the end of the night, after clean-up.

He continues to work.

And then it happens. It’s too fast. He wasn’t looking where he was going, just staring at the floor as he rushed to the kitchen. But he has bumped into another person, and judging by the clothes he wears and his pleasant scent, this person is very important.

He can only stare at the mess he’s made. There are gasps of shock and horror around him. He can’t breathe. He wants to disappear. To die, just freaking die already. He will never make it out if he can’t even complete mundane work like this.

As he’s ushered into the kitchens by the older male, he prepares for the yelling, and possibly the hits. They never come. Instead, he’s cleaned up by the older male, who asks a couple questions.

He answers them willingly.

“What is your name?”

“It’s nice to meet you, Xiao Hong-er. I’m Xie Lian, you can call me gege, okay?”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Xiao Hong-er. But they will never define you. As long as you remain true to yourself, you can achieve anything you set your heart to. Do you understand?”

“I believe in you.”

When gege left through the kitchen doors, back to the adult world, back to being important, another older male walks in. The other male frowns, then says one word.

“Fired.”

***

“What is going on here?” An authoritative voice demands, sending powerful vibrations through the air. The hairs on the back of XL’s neck stand up as the new person comes up from behind him. This must be an important figure.

The manager answers that a customer–who isn’t even dressed according to the standards–has been causing trouble. Already beyond mortified at the turn of events but refusing to let it show, XL slowly meets the newcomer’s eyes as he is acknowledged.

The man is tall, at least a head taller than XL. He’s broader too, dressed to the nines just like the other waiters and customers in the restaurant. His skin is hauntingly pale, slivers of ink peeking out from underneath the dress shirt he wears, top three buttons open. XL does not allow his gaze to waver as he instantly labels this guy one of the most handsome men he’s laid eyes upon, and it makes his heart stutter.

XL shoves down these uncalled for thoughts and refrains from giving any of his emotions away.

The most peculiar thing is the eyepatch settled upon the other man’s right eye. XL makes it a point not to stare too much. The eye left uncovered regards XL with interest. XL feels shivers run down his spine at that, steeling himself for the harsh words that will be directed towards him once more.

So XL finally bows his head and lowers his eyes.

“Never mind. I was just leaving. Sorry to be a disturbance.”

An awkward silence follows. The staff doesn’t say anything, but their faces are victorious at the prospect that XL has finally caved in. On the other hand, the taller man’s eye widens, and he only regards XL for ten more seconds before anger becomes noticeable in his gaze.

XL feels his stomach drop.

He goes to make his exit, except a large hand on his shoulder prevents him from turning around. XL looks at the taller man with confusion. The eye-patched man says only one word, expression solemn.

“Stay.”

As XL processes this with raised eyebrows, the taller man now glares holes into the manager who had spoken in the first place. With a click of his tongue, loud and clear, all the staff rushes back to their places, getting back to work. This includes the manager, who ducks his head to avoid the hostile energy of who XL now assumes is his boss.

“Sir?” XL addresses quietly as all the eyes that were once staring at him go back to their own business. The taller man now fully turns to face XL, hand slipping off XL’s shoulder.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize such standards were put into place since my departure. I’ll ensure there are consequences for the staff that has disrespected you tonight,” he says firmly, never breaking eye contact. This makes XL’s skin crawl, makes him feel alive. The other man holds his hand out, seemingly shrinking himself to fit XL’s comfort. “I’m the owner of this establishment, by the way. You can call me San Lang.”

XL is utterly speechless for a second, automatically taking SL’s hand and shaking while simultaneously admiring his undeniable attractiveness.

“M-many thanks, San Lang. I didn’t mean to cause such a commotion...” XL feels himself blush as he takes note that their hands have been intertwined for an absurd amount of time considering they’re strangers.

“I tried telling them I had a reservation, but they wouldn’t seat me—“

“They rejected your reservation?” SL questions sharply, dropping XL’s hand and curling his own into a fist.

XL bites his lip, nodding. He can practically feel the waves of irritation rolling off of the owner. “But I suppose I didn’t realize how high-scale this restaurant is. I mean, I’ve heard many great things about the food...”

When SL doesn’t say anything, the corner of his lips turned downwards, XL quickly backtracks in panic, realizing what he said must’ve been offensive.

“I’m sure your restaurant still holds true to its reputation, haha! I suppose...maybe I should’ve thought to dress more formally so this wouldn’t have happened,” XL says.

However, SL is already shaking his head. When he speaks, his voice is hushed, words tumbling out in a smooth baritone voice that XL could listen to for hours.

“No. None of this is your fault. Please don’t take whatever my staff has said to heart. They are the ones mistaken and they will be held accountable. Forgive me for disappointing you...?” He trails off.

“Xie Lian,” XL offers helpfully, offering a small smile.

“Xie Lian...” SL says slowly, as if testing the name out and decidedly liking the way it sounds. He whispers something else under his breath that XL can’t quite make out. XL chuckles at that, now wondering how old SL is. He doesn’t look any older than XL himself, perhaps even younger. Just the mere fact that SL is this young and so successful, XL is the one in awe.

They stand at the entrance of the restaurant in a brief silence, just staring at each other. XL assumes it’s time for him to take his leave. His reservation doesn’t matter much anymore, not like he wanted to dine and be served by the same people who looked down on him because of his underdressed self.

But before he can, once again, announce his exit, SL steps a little closer, a curious look in his eye.

“Say, Xie Lian, seeing as this was such a disservice for your night, would you be interested in going somewhere else? I know a few places that have just as delicious food,” SL offers, tilting his head innocently. His long hair is tied into a low ponytail, but his side bangs fall gracefully across his face.

“Wouldn’t that be showing me your competition?” XL asks good-naturedly. SL smirks at that.

“Competition doesn’t matter when the food in question is high quality,” he answers, holding his hands up while shrugging. “You came here for a satisfactory meal, and I’m saying I know a place or two that will be just as pleasing. If you’re up to try it, just say the word,” SL continues casually, arms now crossed in a way that makes the fabric of his long-sleeved dress shirt bulge.

XL is flattered by such an offer. He looks one last time at the inside dining room, the fancy tablecloths and expensive-looking candles, and the lavishly dressed customers who sit with their backs rod-straight, fingers pointing here and there.

It’s honestly a no-brainer. XL allows himself to smile graciously, nodding. “I would greatly appreciate it. I’m merely looking for dinner. Anywhere is fine.”

SL returns the smile, one eye crinkling at the corner. He seems relieved at XL’s response, and promptly goes to grab his coat that he had thrown at a waiter upon entering.

XL’s eyes widen at the bold, maple-red long coat SL puts on, accentuating board shoulders and his slim figure. XL puts aside his self-conscious thoughts of his ratty, second-hand clothes. SL gestures for XL to walk out the doors first, typing away at his phone, most likely making a last-minute call for a reservation.

XL thinks that for once in his life, luck seems to be on his side. What could’ve been a night of total humiliation and shame turned into a nice meal with a new friend. XL pushes the doors open with a newfound sense of happiness, completely missing the way HC makes a neck-slicing motion at the staff on his way out.

(HC)

(How To Piss Off Your Boss)

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Re-post from r/MeehanSurvivors Reddit Community. An Enthusiastic Sobriety Counselor Survivor Story.

TW: References to child pornography, conversion therapy, homophobia, masturbation, and sex.

I would love nothing more than to preserve my admiration for the program, if only for the reason that it would be easier to do so, but after years of being deceived, I find it utterly absurd to disregard any contempt on the basis of the misplaced gratitude that it saved my life. While the program undoubtedly contributed to my success in a number of ways, it has nevertheless become clear that I’ve walked away with trauma that, even after all of this time, I fail to wholly understand. What I do know, however, is that my disillusionment with enthusiastic sobriety is heavily rooted in how I was treated, as the people who claimed to love me evidently made it their mission to eradicate who I was and, likewise, transform me into a duller, lesser version of themselves. I will never know who I could’ve been had they honored the parts of myself that needed nurturing, only who I am today and the damage I’ve since been left with.

From the moment I joined the program, I knew exactly what its expectations were. It was made abundantly clear throughout the treatment process, where I was bombarded with endless conversations about what it meant to be a winner - a concept given context far beyond a sober individual working the twelve steps. I was not only told how to behave, but what to believe about every area of my life. It did not matter if those areas were deeply personal, as evidenced by the countless discussions related to sex; in fact, I would not only learn who we could and could not fantasize about while masturbating, but what we could and could not do sexually - as if we could not be trusted to determine for ourselves the actions we take in our own bedrooms. I also found myself on the receiving end of many conversations revolving around whether or not it was acceptable to shave one’s own pubic region, as was a commonly held belief that a shaved pubic region was not only unnecessary, but a product of one’s own vanity that, incidentally, mimics child pornography. Perhaps more disturbing, however, was the ideology surrounding pornography, in general, that we were ordinarily subjected to. We were first told that no self-respecting woman would want to be with a man who’s actively watching porn; then, we were told that it alters a man’s behavior so much that women will be able to recognize whether or not they watch it. The possibility of romance was used as a weapon against us by the counselors, as well as group members, to conform to their principles, rather than allowing us to establish our own and when that didn’t work, personal attacks were their next best option. I remember being asked if I really wanted to be the guy who’s strung out on porn the rest of his life, as if it was some kind of crippling addiction that would keep me from getting anything I ever wanted out of life. Even more importantly, however, it was through these frequent exchanges that I became familiarized with “Pavlov’s Dog Theory,” a scientific study so bastardized by the counselors that it existed solely to explain away the possibility of any non-heterosexual orientation. Being insecure with my own sexuality, it was of course music to my ears to discover that my attraction to the same sex, a perversion as I then recognized it, was the result of watching too much porn and could be easily resolved by the work outlined by the program. For the next few years, I would work endlessly to alter my sexual orientation back to “normal” and apparently did so well enough that I was eventually asked to attend the Meehan Institute of Counselor Training.

When I was in counselor training, most of what we discussed had very little to do with counseling; in fact, the information required to pass the state-mandated test was tossed aside in exchange for the radically inappropriate teachings that came directly from the program itself. Examples of this, of course, include the explanation that non-heterosexual orientations were not only “unnatural” but an expression of one’s perverse desire for instant gratification, usually resulting from either their addiction to porn, as I had already learned in outpatient, or their unresolved childhood trauma. It was also reasoned that an attraction to the same sex was often a natural consequence of being in an abusive relationship with a member of the opposite sex, a belief supported only by the theory that the person, in question, had unlikely resolved their own fear of getting hurt again. Some people were just “pussies” that had decided to seek the “easier, softer way,” an almost comical assumption given that there is nothing “easier” or “softer” about being queer. I would actually be referred to as a “pussy” while sharing to one of the program's many directors that I had sexual thoughts about other men. His solution for me was that since “there is nothing romantic about two men butt fucking each other,” I should spend the time wasted fantasizing about that on where I would like to take a girl on a date. It’s these ways of thinking that we, who’s families spend $5,600 to send us to counselor training, learn for the three months that we’re there. It’s these three months, where we are taught that absurdity is a natural substitute for science, that earn us the right to then counsel others, many of whom are children. I never could've imagined the abuse that would follow, despite the seeds that had been sown throughout the better part of my recovery.

A few weeks after I graduated from counselor training, when I was working the Step One shift, a couple of the program's directors took me away from it to smoke cigars with them. It was there that they talked to me about how I needed to work on developing more masculine qualities, perhaps by engaging in a hobby that was, according to them, “outside of my comfort zone.” Later on, one of my coworkers would lecture me for the way I had reached out to a girl in the group, explaining that she, along with others, might think that I’m gay for agreeing to watch a “chick flick” with her. Another coworker would make fun of me for crying to a song that reminded me of my dead parent, for the reason that it was, according to her, a “gay” thing to do. In one of the monthly purpose meetings, the director made jokes about me being “inside” of another male counselor - something that was received only with laughter. Bob Meehan himself would even tell the training class following my own that while I deserved the upmost respect for taking everyone’s shit, I was probably gay. When I would share how I felt, in reference to these incidents, I was told that my options were either to “change it” or to “own it.” I began to internalize all of this and, due to my own desire to be accepted, I began working even harder to change these qualities that had been deemed unacceptable by those around me. I would later be celebrated in a purpose for denouncing a dramatic television show for the reason that when I watched it, it made me feel like a “faggot;” however, even that wouldn’t satisfy those around me, as my sponsor, who was also my coworker, would suggest that I stop watching Friends, as well, due to the fact that it was the kind of show his wife watched. I would experience similar criticism from yet another coworker who suggested that I only liked “girly shit” for “shock value” and that it was nothing more than my ego attempting to differentiate myself from everyone else. If by now you’re wondering why I even participated in these conversations, all I can say is that it was always in pursuit of becoming a better man and I trusted that the staff had those answers. I couldn't have been more wrong, as I can't help but notice today that what I was subjected to is in direct opposition of the very laws that protect employees from this kind of treatment by their employers; however, in the program, what’s illegal is classified as “spiritual.”

For years, I felt relegated to a subclass of human existence and for what reason? I spent years working on the things that made my life unmanageable primarily because the people around me decided that it was. Furthermore, I was promised that if I stopped watching porn, which I did for years, my brain would rewire itself and I would no longer be attracted to men. As stupid as that sounds now, why wouldn’t I, as an 18 year old, believe what I was hearing from who I only presumed to be trained professionals? I trusted them and really worked hard to take their every suggestion, going as far as becoming a member of Sexaholics Anonymous, despite the fact that I had never even had sex at that point. It was nothing if not incredibly painful to do the same thing over and over again, only to be told to get up and try again by the very people who would describe that as insanity in any other case. I was never once told that what I was doing wasn’t working for me; instead, I was told to try harder. In all of the time I spent in the program, I was never even given the option to try something different until after quitting, when someone told me that my sexual orientation, whatever it may be, was perfectly acceptable and far from a determining factor in my ability to effectively work a program. It took years to hear that, the majority of which were spent somewhere that I definitely should have. That is not only unacceptable but they should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Alas, the problem I have with the program is not necessarily that they’ll never apologize to me, but that they lack the self-awareness to even consider it. When I shared my concerns about the program with one of their counselors, he dismissed them with the statement that it’s a perfect program ran by imperfect people and that I should judge them not by their actions, but by their intentions, which coincidentally, contradicts the program’s reliance on a quote from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that states exactly the opposite. He also told me that I was angry and resentful, despite the fact that I was neither. When I shared my concerns with another counselor, he dismissed them with the suggestion that perhaps the counseling I received, in regards to my sexual orientation, resulted from how I presented it to the staff. His feedback was not only highly insulting, but a complete bastardization of the facts. Not only was I brutally honest about that area of my life, so much that it's all I spoke of, but I was the client and it was far from my role to ensure that the counselors did their job. I was little more than a child at the time; nevertheless, the implication that my negative experiences were all my fault only served as evidence that any attempt to cooperate with the program, and convince them of the ways in which I was harmed, is futile. Why would I want to, anyway, after years of watching any criticism of the program be rationalized as the delusions of “bailed kids” or “disgruntled ex-staff?” The only answer would be to prevent it from happening again, although to think that outcome is even a possibility appears naïve at best. They’ve made it abundantly clear where they stand, that they’re right, everyone else is wrong, and there’s no reason for them to change anything - lest of course it threatens their credibility, which in that case they only become more insidious in their transgressions.

TLDR: The program not only intrusively dictates the sex lives of their clients, but has proven itself to be particularly unloving toward those who are LGBTQIA+. It is a cultural issue that can not be reduced to a few examples of bad counseling. It is clear that they see no reason whatsoever to change this.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

(Accidental 150 Follower Special) IOTA’s Top 10 Worst Episodes of Miraculous Ladybug (Part 2)

Here’s Part 1

#5: Glaciator

Here's a good lesson to teach these incredibly impressionable children watching: If you're not in a romantic relationship by the time you're a teenager, you're a loser! And if someone says they just want to be friends, ignore that obvious hint that they're not into you and keep trying to impress them.

Marinette joins her friends to get some ice cream sold by the worst ice cream vendor in the world, Andre. Like, they have to find out where he's going to set up through a series of clues, they don't get a choice to order the flavors they like (and that's not even taking allergies into consideration), and he only gives a single cone to a couple to share while going on and on about how he knows about who someone really loves, and oh my God, why is this man still in business?

Surprisingly, as dumb as it is for Andre to get akumatized over a single customer doubting his magic ice cream, he's not the reason this episode is on the list. That honor goes to Cat Noir.

At the beginning of the episode, Cat Noir drops the pretenses and asks Ladybug out on a date.

Cat Noir: What would you say if you and I met up tonight for a little dinner? Rooftop style?

Ladybug: For dinner? As superheroes?

Cat Noir: Well, yeah. That's right. We're only together when we're saving Paris. I mean, wouldn't you actually like to get to know one another?

Ladybug: I... That's so thoughtful of you, but I can't. I already have plans with some friends.

Cat Noir: Well, if your plans end early, come and join me.

Ladybug: We'll see.

Cat Noir: I'll be waiting, my lady.

Notice that Ladybug doesn't say that she's coming, and mentions that she already has plans. Even the irresponsible Plagg points this out.

Plagg:You seem in a hurry to get stood up.

Adrien: She didn't say she wasn't coming.

Plagg: But she didn't say she was either!

So when Ladybug obviously doesn't come, Cat Noir just decides to mope around, acting like he was left at the altar, and when they meet up to take on the titular Glaciator, Cat Noir gets all pissy that Ladybug didn't come.

Ladybug: Hello, Kitty. Did the bad guys leave you cold?

Cat Noir: (sounding like his staff got shoved up his ass) How was your amazing evening with your “friends”?

Again, Ladybug never said she was going to meet up with Cat Noir that night, because she had plans. Even later episodes like “Stormy Weather 2” claim that Ladybug stood up Cat Noir, when she DIDN'T! There was never anything set in stone, so Cat Noir can't say that Ladybug stood him up.

Even after the fight, when Ladybug tells Cat Noir that she only sees him as a friend, afterwards, Adrien still thinks he has a shot with her.

Adrien: Perhaps Ladybug will love me someday. I mean, like, I love her. I have to believe. In the meantime, her friendship is the best gift of all.

Dude. Take. A. Goddamn. Hint.

As ironic as the circumstances are, Ladybug just said she isn't into Adrien, and he's still going to go after her. And spoiler alert, his attempts to woo her are only going to get worse from here.

Yeah, this episode is heavy on the romance, and the idealized vision of what the writers think being in a relationship is like. Admittedly, I have a more jaded view of romantic plotlines, as the only real relationship I had ended right before my senior year of high school, and it gave me serious trust issues as a result because of how badly it ended, so I don't want to consider myself an expert in relationships.

But at the same time, that breakup helped me learn to not prioritize being in a relationship, and just focus on self-improvement. If that was the lesson the episode was going for, I'd get it, but we never get anyone say that. All everyone in this episode talks about is how awesome being in love with someone is.

The fact that the audience is supposed to find Cat Noir's behavior charming is disgusting, and I can't believe that Astruc condones this kind of writing.

In addition to continuing the trend of making Cat Noir oblivious to the word “no”, This episode also managed to do the impossible and make me hate ice cream with a fiery passion.

#4: Copycat

This show is really bad with writing episodes about evil doppelgangers, and like with “Antibug”, it's about Ladybug getting blamed for something she had nothing to do with.

A statue of Ladybug and Cat Noir is being unveiled, but because Marinette is preoccupied with trying to make sure Adrien doesn't receive an embarrassing voicemail she accidentally sent him, she isn't able to attend the unveiling ceremony as Ladybug. So when the sculptor mentions he has feelings for Ladybug, Cat Noir says this:

Cat Noir: Hey, don't mean to burst your bubble, but you know, Ladybug and me, we're a thing, you know?

The Sculptor: Really?

Cat Noir: Yeah, we're like this (crosses his fingers to show how close they are).

This exchange is never mentioned in the episode ever again, despite being what gets the sculptor akumatized.

Copycat, the akumatized form of the sculptor, is a reused character model copy of Cat Noir, and so like every impostor storyline in every TV show ever made, the public immediately turns on Cat Noir when Copycat frames him to the point where the police try to arrest him.

In case you couldn't tell, once again, Cat Noir is a big part of why this episode is so awful. If his entitlement issues were actually brought to light and he learns to not act like he and Ladybug are meant to be, it would have worked. Instead, it's Ladybug who is blamed for Copycat happening. Seriously, Cat Noir gives Ladybug heat for not being at the statue unveiling, like it was her fault the sculptor was akumatized.

Even later on, when Ladybug has trouble telling the difference between the two cats, Cat Noir has the gall to say “Have I ever lied to you, Bugaboo?”

HEY! Shat Noir! Lying is the reason you're Public Enemy #1 right now! You have no right to act like Ladybug deserves your trust, especially after you lied about your relationship with her!

This episode was also a little... uncomfortable to watch for a reason. For point of reference, here is the sculptor before he got akumatized.

While I can't read your mind, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that you, the reader, are thinking “How old is this man, exactly?”

For a while, people in the Miraculous fandom were a little creeped out by this man because the episode unintentionally made it look like this grown-ass man was in love with a teenage girl. It wasn't until March of 2020 that Astruc clarified his age.

But by then, the damage had been done, with some fan works, most notably Zoe-Oneesama's Scarlet Lady, calling his age into question (though ironically, the comic ended with the revelation that he is around the same age as the main cast about five months before Astruc's tweet).

The only thing this episode really accomplished was set the stage for Adrien's worst moments by showing how self-centered he can be, no matter how the show tries to portray his feelings for Ladybug.

#3: Ladybug (The Episode, Obviously)

This is where the Lila subplot comes to a head because Astruc didn't think it would make sense for Lila to play a part in the season finale, and it doesn't fail to disappoint... mostly because everyone had expectations so low, they've made their way to the Earth's core.

Lila frames Marinette for cheating on a test, stealing her grandmother's necklace, and pushing her down a flight of stairs (despite showing no visible injuries). Despite no investigation being launched, Marinette is immediately expelled from school with nobody believing her except Alya. Why is she suddenly on Marinette's side again, despite falling for Lila's lies so many times before, while reiterating that she's still her best friend? Because the plot says so.

And if the episode was about Alya investigating Lila and proving Marinette's innocence, it would have been okay, and could have led to some great character development for her.

Of course, that doesn't happen, as the idea of Marinette being expelled was that gripping of a plot, as the focus of the episode immediately shifts over to Hawkmoth attempting to create another army of Akumas like what he did in “Heroes' Day”... only for Nathalie's failing health to force him to abort the plan, making the entire moment pointless.

Instead, despite how dangerous it is to transform using the Peacock Miraculous, Nathalie becomes Mayura and creates another evil doppelganger of Ladybug. What is it with the writers and evil doppelgangers of the heroes? Did someone on the writing team really like the Spider-Man Clone Saga?

And when Cat Noir sees the doppelganger, well... I didn't mention a certain scene in “Puppeteer 2” because I felt it would be better to talk about it here.

During the battle with the pathetic wax statues, Cat Noir briefly lets his guard down around yet another evil doppelganger of Ladybug, this time, it's a wax statue being controlled by Puppeteer 2 (even though the way she talks is nothing like the way Puppeteer's minions talked because it was five-year-old girl doing the talking). The wax Ladybug goes in for a kiss, and Cat Noir almost lets her take his Miraculous if not for the wax smell giving it away, and not, you know, the complete 180 she took in terms of suddenly wanting to kiss him for no reason.

Okay, it's a little shaky, but Cat Noir still caught on. He'd never fall for a fake Ladybug just because she said she loved him, right?

Yes. He seriously took the side of the impostor all because of the sudden love confession. Just how MORONIC can one person be? If Caity Lotz randomly showed up at my doorstep and claimed she loved me, I wouldn't immediately start making out with her. I would want to know what the hell she's doing here, and why she suddenly declared her love for me.

But Cat Noir seriously falls for the fake Ladybug for the dumbest reason possible. He seriously doesn't think it's weird that Ladybug suddenly confessed her love for him?

And then Ladybug gets the charm that the fake Ladybug was created from, and suddenly, she's a good guy? Before we even get time to think about this, Mayura just erases the fake Ladybug from existence, and now we're supposed to feel bad that she's gone?

Even the expulsion subplot is easily resolved, as after an interesting scene with Adrien coercing Lila to confess in exchange for letting her model alongside her, Marinette is just let back into school with no difficulties. I mean, it's not like her parents would be pissed that their daughter was framed and possibly want to take legal action against the school, right?

And I have to reiterate, this is the last we see of Lila this season because Astruc thinks Chloe is far worse and deserves to be punished for working with Hawkmoth.

Between Marinette getting expelled, a second Scarletmoth attack, and the fake Ladybug, this episode just has too much going on, and it makes it incredibly hard to follow. If it was a two-parter, I think it could have been better paced, but from we got, it's just a mess of a poorly paced episode.

#2: Frozer

Wow, you probably didn't expect to see this episode on this list. I mean, everyone in the Miraculous fandom loves this episode!

Where should I even start? Maybe the scene from the trailer where Adrien reveals his identity to Ladybug... only for it to be a daydream. Because why would we actually want a reveal or have Adrien confess his feelings to Ladybug without the mask?

Yep, despite Ladybug saying that she only sees Cat Noir as a friend, as well as the fact that she loves someone else, he still can't help but try to make her fall for him. But don't worry, I'll get back to their relationship later on.

After that, Marinette agrees to come to the ice rink with Adrien so he isn't as nervous around Kagami, who is awful in this episode. Remember when Astruc elaborated on Kagami line telling Marinette to not hesitate as a warning to move her ass or Adrien was hers

Doesn't that just make everyone love Kagami as a character, and not as a forced love rival instead?

And this is the episode where the romance subplot in Miraculous Ladybug went from having an interesting concept with the Love Square, and turned it into a generic love triangle plotline thanks to Luka. I love Lukanette, but the whole love triangle only gives less time for the four sides of the Love Square to shine. It doesn't help that Marinette's conflicted feelings are brushed over so we can focus on the titular Frozer, who only gets three lines while akumatized.

And now back to the Whiny Cat Noir Show. For no reason, Cat Noir is suddenly all angry when he sees Ladybug, and just like in “Glaciator”, it's never acknowledged. Though at least here, Cat Noir admits that Ladybug's plan to defeat Frozer is right.

And then there's the ending, where it looks like Marinette is going to confess her feelings to Adrien... only for that to also be a daydream.

Hey, if any of the Miraculous Ladybug writers are reading this... STOP TEASING THE AUDIENCE LIKE THIS AND CUT THE BULLSHIT ALREADY!

This episode is proof that the romance subplot will just be drawn out even more, all while teasing the audience with potential confessions and reveals just to keep them hooked. And yet, it was only a taste of what the romance would be like in Season 3.

And even then, I still think one episode is worse than this.

#1: FELIX.

I hate this episode. It is among the worst episodes of any TV show I have ever seen. Not just for the writing, but for what it represents. Let's just say that like “Animaestro”, Astruc had a hand in the way this episode turned out, and unlike “Animaestro”, there was a big fallout on Twitter.

In fact, I'm sorry to keep leading you down the rabbit hole like this, but I think this episode deserves its own post. Or rather, its own posts.

For now, I'm going to work on the list of the best episodes to help me recover my sanity.

[for-ests]

Love It If We Made It: Oikawa Tooru x Reader (Part 1)

[ my masterlist ] Part 2

Warnings: angst, few mentions of death

Word count: 5, 105

Summary: You are Karasuno's volleyball manager, and when you tag along to their first match against Aoba Johsai, you reconnect with your childhood friend, Oikawa Tooru. A relationship soon develops, along with feelings that weren't present before. Problems soon arise though, because of his reputation, and your troubled past that he didn't know about. 

Everything happens for a reason.

That's what you always told yourself, realizing that one choice you made could lead to endless possibilities and situations you never thought you would find yourself in. It was far too easy to slip up, and let the world you had spent years creating turn to dust and fall between your finger tips.

You learned that the hard way, yet you were strong enough to pick yourself back up.

Joining the Karasuno Volleyball club as their manager came out of desperation on your end. In truth, it was a favor for your friend Kiyoko, who knew you were going through a tough time. When she explained the challenges, but emphasized that she couldn't do it all herself, you decided it was a good way to take your mind off things, while also helping others. Kiyoko was quiet, but it was her way of showing you she cared, by sharing her world with you and providing an outlet.

You needed something to do. Something that you could focus your energy on to forget your ex-boyfriend, the boy that had broken your heart. Along with that emotional trauma, you also had to deal with a devastating death in your family, your younger brother. Within the blink of an eye, those two events had changed you as a person. For two months, you had locked yourself away in your room to deal with it. And those who cared for you had started to grow worried.

That's why you were beyond relieved when you first walked into that gym, bombarded by underclassmen that soon became your friends. They were so happy, they were so passionate. Their optimistic nature began to inspire you in other aspects of your life.

Knowing you had a rambunctious group of boys to take care of, all the while alongside your friend, the massive hole in your heart began to repair itself.

As the weeks passed, the bond between you and the Karasuno volleyball club grew stronger, and you found yourself falling back into your healthy habits. You were smiling again, you were laughing again.

"What are you thinking about Y/N?" Hinata surprised you suddenly with a question. He had practically teleported to your side so quickly that you jumped.

"Oh!" You laughed, looking down at him with a smile to mask the once nostalgic expression that had graced your face. "I'm just really proud of you guys for making it this far."

The two of you stared down at the polished wood floors, the rows of stands, and the many, many schools that were preparing their fan sections for their upcoming games. It was the fall tournament, and the boys had won their first couple games—but now they were going to face an strong opponent- Aoba Johsai.

"Not you guys, it's us." Hinata said, conviction heavy within his tone. "We couldn't have done this without you."

A chuckle escaped your lips as you nudged him. "You're laying it on thick today."

Grinning, the orange-haired first year gave you a thumbs up. "I just want our Senpai to know that she's appreciated."

"-you have done a lot for us." Nishinoya joined in as the rest of the group caught up with you and Hinata.

All the boys had heard about your brother's accident. The trauma of it all was still looming over your head, threatening to take over your conscious at any moment. Perhaps the boys knew that being able to help and take care of them was a replacement for the family member you had lost. It felt good to be apart of a group again, with people who appreciated your time and efforts.

"Then I hope we win today." You made sure to use the inclusive pronouns. "So you didn't waste my time!"

"There she is!" Tanaka laughed a little too loudly. "Stop looking so nervous and keep making those jokes."

"I'm not nervous." You puffed your lip out, realizing the entire team had now surrounded you.

"You look really nervous." Kageyama finally spoke in monotone, seeming to deal with his own nerves in a completely different way.

"Okay fine." You grumbled. "I'm nervous."

The boys laughed.

"Why?" Kiyoko joined the huddle, looking concerned as she gazed at your face. You were trying really hard to remain calm.

Awkwardly twirling your hair between your finger tips, you tried to avoid locking eyes with anyone. "I don't want to put pressure on any of you-"

"Just tell us, it's okay Y/N." Suga's calm and reassuring voice whispered from behind you. The look in his eyes conveyed that he already knew what you were thinking, because that was also what was on his mind. This was your last year. Your last tournament. If you lost; it would be over.

"I really need you guys to win." You said. "Because I don't want this to be our last game."

It was true, when you thought about it for long enough, the threat of your time in the Karasuno volleyball club could be over in an instant.

Kiyoko gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing you had grown to love the sport, and it's players, as much as she had. This moment was bittersweet.

"We will try our best, Y/N." Hinata said without his usual smile. Whenever that happened, you knew he was serious.

A brief moment of silence hung over the group, as if their situation had finally sank in.

You finally lifted your head to meet everyone's gaze. "Thank you all, really. Being apart of this team has helped me more than I can explain."

All of the boys replied instantly, more than happy that you were there with them. You could tell you meant a lot to them. Well, except with Tsukishima— but you knew you would eventually get there.

"Alright everyone, let's get to work." Coach Ukai encouraged as the tender moment faded. "We can't disappoint our managers."

He nodded at you, and you smiled back. When you really wanted to, you were a great pep talker.

"Now, Use your looks to distract our opponents!" Tanaka teased as he walked past you. Teasingly, you stuck your foot out to try and trip him- but his fast reflexes allowed him to casually step over it.

"Nice try!" He boasted.

Giggling from the interaction, you and Kiyoko crossed the volleyball court and to the coaching staff benches.

"Third years now have the ability to participate in the spring tournaments." Kiyoko said as the guys wandered off to begin warm-ups. "So if you want to, we can come back next semester."

"Really?" You breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

"I could tell you were getting sentimental."

Feigning discomfort, you slumped next to her dramatically. "Knowing that beforehand would have been nice. I just embarrassed myself in front of the team."

"I think they needed to hear that from you." She said with honesty.

The genuine expression she wore warmed your heart. You and Kiyoko were incredibly different, yet incredibly similar. You always appreciated the time you spent with her, she was an important friend.

Your eyes drifted to the opposite side of the net. The team still hadn't arrived for warm-ups.

"We're playing Aoba Johsai right?" You asked, eyes searching the gym for their supposed school colors.

"Yes." Kiyoko had already immersed herself with writing down notes on her clipboard.

The name Aoba Johsai felt so familiar, as if you knew someone who attended that high school. Yet, you couldn't quite put a finger on it.

Though you were well-known at Karasuno, you were unsure about other high schools in the area. You weren't the type of girl to care about people you didn't interact with on a daily basis, even if you were considered popular.

You just went about your days trying to be kind, and trying to make a name for yourself. The last thing you wanted to be known for was what happened earlier in the year. You didn't want to be pitied.

But sometimes, the people from your past are the only ones that can heal you. Sometimes, it's better to reflect and appreciate everything that happened, even if it hurts.

Everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason doesn't seem clear at first glance.

The gym doors squeaked open, and in waltzed Karasuno's opponent- Aoba Johsai.

Though only a portion of the fan section had arrived, excited cheers sounded from the stands. You scowled, wishing your classmates had come to support your team. It definitely would have had an effect on the players, since half of them loved praise and affection.

Starting from the bottom already put you at a disadvantage. Unlike your opponents, Karasuno had a reputation to build back up. Every game counted. Every game mattered.

With that thought in mind, you had lost focus through all the noise. You could feel your nerves creeping back, threatening to overtake your smile, one that was needed as a morale booster for your players.

"Look pretty." Kiyoko teased, mocking Tanaka's ridiculous suggestion. Not every boy got worked up about girl managers with good looks like him and Nishinoya.

But still, out of habit, you ran a hand through your hair and flipped it behind your shoulders. Though you weren't the star of the show, you could still feel eyes on your back.

You needed to keep your composure. Because of her extended time as the volleyball club manager, Kiyoko has perfected her posture.

"I'm going to get some water." You whispered, standing up from the bench. That would definitely be the best option since your throat was starting to tighten.

Walking quickly, you reached the shared water table that was provided to both teams. A great plus when participating in tournaments.

Out of curiosity, as you grabbed a water bottle and took a sip, your eyes drifted to the other side of the net, where you were met with a striking, familiar, set of deep brown eyes.

For a moment that seemed to stretch past time limitations, you stood frozen in place.

"Tooru?" You whispered, voice drowned out by the cheering and movements of the players on court.

Your heart fluttered at the sight of him. It had been years since you parted ways.

Oikawa had been staring at you before you realized it was him. His look of astonishment quickly switched to one of wonder once he realized your lips had formed his name. "Y/N?" He mouthed back, flashing his notoriously handsome smile.

Without thinking, you crossed the threshold to the other side of the court.

"Oh my god-" You managed to choke, stopping abruptly in front of his towering figure. "I never thought..."

His expression wavered, as if it was begging you to follow through with the natural actions that filled your mind.

As if you had done it the day before, you threw your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a tight embrace. For the first time in a long time, you didn't care what anyone else thought about your actions.

"Hi again." He chuckled at how rash you had become, knowing you must have been overwhelmed to see him with how openly you were showing your emotions. Curling his arms around your torso, Oikawa chuckled in your ear. "You look great."

You pulled away, studying the changes he had made to his appearance. He had grown into his stalking height, one that he used to get teased for. His hair was silkier, his eyes wiser.  "So do you!"

The boy's touch lingered. "Wow." He breathed, short on words. "I never thought I'd see you again, but I really hoped."

You met his piercing gaze, one that seemed to flicker across parts of your body that a normal friend would restrict themselves from staring.  "Me too."

Your excitement passed though, as soon as you realized that the eyes of both teams were on you. Darting your eyes away in embarrassment from your rash actions, you recognized another familiar face. The regret that had built up inside of you dissipated within an instant.

"Haijime!" You waved, beckoning him to come closer.

"Hi, Y/N." He smiled, also bending down to give you a friendly hug. A hug that was much different than Oikawa's.

Teasingly, you continued the conversation. "I see that you two are the same. Still obsessed with volleyball."

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Duh, of course. But what's more surprising is that you're a volleyball manager?"

"Yeah, I never thought that would happen." Iwaizumi added. "We inspired you, didn't we?"

Grinning from ear to ear, you nodded, reflecting on the hours that you had practiced with them. Before you had moved, the three of you would spend hours at the gym. Joining the Karasuno volleyball club had rekindled your love for the sport. And the boys were surprised that you had so much previous knowledge, which was now obvious that it had come from Oikawa.

Though what saddened you was that you had forgotten all about that. Your wholesome memories had been replaced with something far more grim.

"Hey!" The Aoba Johsai coach yelled from the opposite side. "Get back to business, all of you!"

The three of you turned and noticed that the rest of the team had stopped what they were doing, and seemed to be gossiping about your relationship to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You immediately blushed, your contempt flooding right back in.

"Oi! don't look at her like that! She's not a piece of meat!" Oikawa pointed aggressively at his teammates, causing them to scatter and pretend they had been invested in their warm up practices the entire time.

"You're just mad that everyone is staring at her, and not you." Iwaizumi gave him a slap on the back for good measure. "Focus now."

Iwaizumi wandered off, leaving you one more brief moment with Oikawa. He glanced behind him, then back to you, looking somewhat regretful. It was most likely because the outcome of this game was going to be disappointing for one of you.

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" He asked, yet it came out more desperate. In a way that caused your heart to hammer in your chest. You really couldn't figure out if it was because of him, or if it was because of all the eyes you could still feel pointed towards you.

Throughout your younger years, Oikawa had boosted your confidence, and pushed you outside of your comfort zone. But things were slightly different now. Someone as outgoing as him could tell you had become timid, for reasons he didn't know yet, but hoped he would eventually figure out.

"Good luck, Tooru." You smiled. "You'll need it."

All he could do was flash you a devilish smile.

Oikawa had always been a flirt. It was somewhat comforting to know that his bubbly personality hadn't changed. At least on the surface. He had always commanded the attention of everyone in the room, which made your more reserved nature recoil in embarrassment.

But now, at least on the surface, you could handle it.

Because your parents moved all those years ago, you had never gained the opportunity to tell him how much he had meant to you. But as you watched his presence command the movements of his team, you realized that now was your chance.

Turning back to your teammates, who were all as equally surprised, you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry for interrupting." You apologized.

"Y/N, you know Oikawa?" Kageyama was the first one to ask.

"Y-yeah... we were friends in middle school, before I moved here."

"Interesting." Hinata dramatically set his chin in his hand, stroking it as if he had a goatee. "Y/N-chan knows both the kings!"

Kageyama immediately smacked the back of Hinata's head. "Shut up dumbass!" He scolded.

You stifled a laugh, encouraging them to continue on practicing, reassuring them that you were still crossing your fingers for Karasuno to win.

"Y/N took my suggestion a little too seriously." Tanaka sighed, watching you shyly make your way back over to the coaching bench.

"She's so popular and beautiful." Nishinoya added. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really wish I was Oikawa right now."

Feeling more pumped up than you had before, you shouted a cheer from the sideline. "Don't disappoint me boys!"

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Knowing that volleyball meant the world to Oikawa, you were somewhat relived that Aoba Johsai had won the match.

You would be there for your team in the end, but in this moment, you couldn't be there for Oikawa. You hadn't been for years. That's why you were relived, knowing you couldn't stand to see him upset.

"Don't look at me like that." He teased.

"Like what?" You deadpanned, trying hard to remain upset with him, since he had just ruined Karasuno's chance at participating in the fall nationals.

"Like you're trying to hate me. Because I know you can't."

Finally cracking a smile, you averted your gaze with embarrassment. "You're right."

Oikawa instinctively stepped closer. The proximity caused your heart to pound in your chest, surprisingly because you had never felt like this with him before.

"Even if we lost, I still would have felt that I won." The boy didn't need to explain what he was referring to, because you knew it was about you. It was because you were in his life again.

Trying to remain calm, you scrunched your nose. "Now you're laying it on thick."

Seeming to accept the challenge, Oikawa continued with his flirtations. "I find it strange that I usually get everything I want, but I somehow never got you." The third year laughed sadly, staring up at the pale blue sky. He had always hoped to see you again, but he had never expected it to be in this way.

"You don't even know me anymore." You said, not intending for your words to come out so harshly.

You were right. Oikawa hated it, but you were. And for some reason it made you that much more attractive. Personality wise, and looks wise. Your maturated appearance didn't help his thoughts from wandering.

He had missed your presence more than he had realized. Knowing that you were going to be in his life again gave him a strange sense of hope. It seemed that he had been holding onto them at dream since you parted ways at the end of junior high.

Your parents moved away, taking you along with them. Since your childhood friend was no longer your neighbor and you didn't go to the same high school, your friendship prematurely ended.

Oikawa wish he had tried harder to keep contact, but something told him you might be better off without him. He was going through his own troubles, and needed to focus on himself.

"I should have called you, or something... I don't know." Oikawa admitted. Though it had been years, he still felt comfortable enough around you to speak his mind.

You were the only girl he could ever do that with. He had searched far and wide to replace you, but he always ended up empty handed. Perhaps he should have searched for you instead.

"It's okay." You assured, knowing that life had moved fast for the both of you. You would never hold a grudge against him for that, being young and naive, trying desperately to fit into your new environments. It also didn't help that neither if you had cellphones when you moved away, therefore making it practically impossible to keep in contact. "We were both busy."

Oikawa knew you were putting on an act, but it also seemed genuine. To him, you had always been confusing, your thoughts and emotions so complex that it frightened him. Girls like you had always been hard to find. Ones that were able to explain their resonating so well that it caused them to reflect on their own actions and behaviors. You had always kept Oikawa in check.

But right now, the spirit that he had grown to love was barely visible. He could tell you were happy to see him, but something inside you had been wounded. Whatever it was, Oikawa could tell you were hurting. And every fiber in his being wanted to fix it.

"What happened to you, Y/N?" He asked suddenly, the look in his eyes convincing you that you had done a terrible job concealing your emotions.

Averting your gaze, you shifted awkwardly on your toes. "A lot has happened, Tooru. Too much to explain now."

You could hear the boys loading into the bus, some of them shouting your name in reminder to hurry up your conversation. You glanced back and saw that Kiyoko was waiting outside the vehicle for your return.

Smiling to dispel the haunting memories, you continued. "I would rather hear about you for now. You must be really happy that you won."

"I worked hard...I worked my ass off for years to get where I am today." He kicked a rock across the cement sidewalk. "Watching Kageyama play so well helped me realize that I had been slacking. I guess I forgot what that feels like."

"But?" You pushed him to continue.

Oikawa grimaced, and for a moment, you wished you hadn't asked that question. "Our next opponent will be harder."

It was true. Oikawa had worked hard all his life. He hadn't been blessed with raw talent like his underclassmen Kageyama, but he followed his dream, he had followed his heart.

For some reason though, as he stared at your glowering expression, he began to second guess himself. Maybe he had been doing it wrong.

"Don't give up then." You said, voice wavering with conviction that surprised him. "Whether you were born with it or not, you still have talent. There's still ways to utilize that after High-school. If you really love volleyball then you will continue."

Oikawa's eyes widened.

"This is strange coming from you, who's been rubbing off on you?"

You chuckled. "Nobody. I just know what to say to you."

You were right again. You encouraged him in the most perfect way, but you never praised him like the others. Oikawa's mother always told him to never accept too much praise, and to never get too full of himself.

You were real. You weren't fake like the other girls who only fawned over him for his looks. He would have preferred you to watch him from the stands with genuine interest for the sport, unlike the other girls who were only there for him.

Why?

Because it was the truth. And it was normal. People who work hard to get to a certain point, stop once they reach it. But that's not what he had done. He kept trying. The boy tried harder than he needed to become the best.

No matter what anyone said, Oikawa knew he had to keep trying. He couldn't let his pride get the best of him like it had in the match against Karasuno.

Just by looking his way, he knew what you were thinking. Only a girl as special as you could make him realize that. A girl that had known him from the beginning.

He laughed at first, causing your eyes to drift towards him. You didn't seem surprised, instead, you were calm. "Well, I'm glad that hasn't changed."

You smiled as your hair rippled to the side from a gust of wind. "I missed you, Tooru." The tone of your voice was filled with hope, directly asking him to make the first move, and to not let you leave without a promise to see you again.

"I think it's finally time that you gave me your number." Oikawa held his phone out for you. You tried desperately to hide the blush that was creeping along your face. Everything he did was flirtatious, yet in a way that was childish and made you remember how you used to play with him back in primary school.

After typing in your number, you handed him back his phone. The entire time, you could feel his eyes on you, studying, lingering.

"Well," you apologized, gesturing behind you. "I can't keep them waiting."

"Go ahead, Y/N. I'll text you."

"I'll be waiting." You whispered, barely audible enough for him to hear. Turning on your heels and jogging towards the bus, you glanced behind your shoulder one last time, as if you were afraid to let him escape your gaze. Times were different now, you would see him again. You were sure of it.

You flashed him a smile.

Oikawa shoved his hands in his pockets. You would never know that you had already won over his heart. You had all those years ago, and your presence within him had remained.

Then you left, hoping and praying that he would keep his promise. Hoping and praying that nobody had taken your place.

True love wasn't real, you knew that well enough from your past experiences. Yet deep down, your heart claimed differently. You could anticipate what was going to happen.

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Four months ago

Your hands trembled.

Your thoughts raced as you swung your legs over the railing of your balcony, gazing at the stars that twinkled brightly in the sky.

Your bare feet brushed the plants underneath you, fresh dew gathering in their crevices.

You managed to smile.

It was a quiet and beautiful night. The moon illuminated the oak trees so mysteriously, it would have intrigued you on any other night.

But right now...

All you wanted to do was forget him.

It had been almost a month since the breakup, but you couldn't seem to forgive his iniquitous mistake.

You were a relatively calm and understanding person. But his betrayal had left you in shambles. Haruki was his name, and he had cheated on you with a girl in a different class- who knew that he was your boyfriend. A girl that hated you for no reason, only because you had something that she did not.

You had never been in a situation like this. Nobody had ever taught you how to handle the feelings that came along after heartbreak.

Your supposed first love had cheated on you, yet you didn't know how to respond. How could love just... disappear? Did he ever even love you? Had you wasted the last two years of your life on him?

You were bitter, angry, and confused. Time was supposed to heal wounds, and it did, but only to an extent.

You were a completely different person now. Some would say stronger, but some would say weaker. You had been out of touch for quite some time. And now you were finally sinking back into reality.

But what made you the most addled, was that you couldn't remember his face. It made you so angry to realize that you could forget a face you had studied for so long. Your stomach felt sick as you tried to remember the color of eyes, the taste of his lips, his smile, anything... But you were blank. You had already started to forget about the man you loved, but with good reason.

You had been so lost. And that's why it hurt so bad. You had been vulnerable, you had been taken advantage of. You felt sick knowing you didn't break from his spell on your own.

You winced, partly from the nighttime breeze, and partly from the cold hard truth. Haruki was the liar. But somehow you felt like it was your fault. How could you ever trust someone like that again? You had fallen head over heels for someone who was way under your league, pouring all of your love into the relationship.

You had tried your best to make it work, you had given him everything. All of your time, all your emotions, and all of your body.

But it was never enough. Why were you not enough?

You had made a fool of yourself. You had begged him to stay, because you felt guilty about letting him take your virginity. Haruki had cheated on you, thrown your love away like it was nothing, and left without seeming to care. But the thing was, you still cared.

You could only hold yourself together around your family and friends. But when you were alone like this, your mind drifted away.

You regretted the decisions you'd made with him. You really did. You had blindly followed a boy into a destructive relationship, thinking that he could be a man. Thinking you could fix him, and thinking you could make him better.

But if someone doesn't want to change, they won't. It hurt like hell. Because that's when you realized that people always lie.

Your love was wasted on a boy who didn't deserve it.

Guilt crept into your subconscious. Though you didn't want to admit it, you felt that you had disappointed whoever you were going to end up with in the future.

You leaned against the metallic railing, ears perking up at the undertone of cicadas. They sang mindlessly into the night, like you once had.

It wasn't meant to be, and that was alright. Yet it was still painful, the memories causing tears to prick at your eyelids. You felt helpless at times like this. Why couldn't you just forget about everything and move on?

You desperately wanted to, but deep inside, something was urging for you to never forget this pain. You had spent countless nights in this very position, staring up at the stars, cloudy sky or clear.

And it finally spelled out for you. You were never meant to brush these emotions aside. Instead, you urged to hold them close to your heart. You would never forget your mistake, so you would never make it again.

You had learned, you were stronger. You were different.

You had to put on a show for far too long, masking the pain Haruki had caused you until it was too late.

Now your broken heart was already healing.

Looking up into the black sky once again, you smiled for the first time in days. Tomorrow you would be looking at the same stars through a different lens.

You were changing, while he would stay the same. That was the greatest revenge of all. You would live on without him.

That was what you had convinced yourself until your mother called you the next day, and relayed the devastating news that your brother had died in an accident.

And just like that, two of the most important people in your life were gone.

And back into the spiral you fell.

❀∙∘✿∘∙❀

Tag list!! lmk if you want to be added for the next part <33

@ardorwrites-hq-mha​ @cuddlyasahi​ @vventure @writeiolite​ @allywritesimagines​ @benewol​

[capechicago]

CAPE Network Forum Newsletter: West Chicago

In this issue of the CAPE Network Forum Newsletter, we are excited to celebrate the newest after-school partnership between CAPE and West Chicago School District 33. What began as an idea from CAPE teaching artist and resident of West Chicago, Anni Holm, has now blossomed into a robust inquiry-based arts integrated after-school program serving over 350 students and community members across four schools.

From early conversations beginning in the summer of 2020, to the navigation of complex federal and state grant management systems, to the kick-off of programming in January of 2021, this program is testament to the power of partnership in spite of the COVID-19 pandemic.

CAPE is grateful to Anni Holm for making the initial connection, District 33 leadership’s openness to expanding their after-school program, and Hannah Martin, CAPE’s West Chicago Program Coordinator, who is doing incredible work behind-the-scenes to make the whole program function. CAPE is also grateful for the incredible creativity and energies of all the West Chicago teachers, staffers, and the many new CAPE artists who have made this all possible and greatly expanded CAPE’s Network of Artist/Researchers.

Below you will find the perspectives of Joie Frankovich, District 33’s Coordinator of Partnerships, Yaritza, a fifth grade student at Currier Elementary, and documentation of in-process work from many of the online classes transpiring in West Chicago.

— Joseph Spilberg

Interview with Joie Frankovich, District 33’s Coordinator of Partnerships

Tell us the story of your relationship to CAPE and how this partnership came to fruition.

I'm the Coordinator of Partnerships with District 33. The district has had a 21st Century Community Learning Centers grant for eons, and for the last 10 years of that grant, we worked with a somewhat local partner, and they were always our applicant on it. With COVID-19, they felt that the program was no longer aligned with their mission and chose to step away from the grant. That left us needing to find a new co-applicant.

We reached out to a lot of different organizations and just tried to put feelers out there because it's a fairly hefty grant. I mean, there's a lot of red tape and a lot of requirements, and an organization needs to have capacity to do it. We actually had a lot of organizations turn us down because we were in the middle of a pandemic, and all these organizations are just doing their best to stay afloat, the same that the school district was.

Anni Holm, who I know is a CAPE teaching artist and a District 33 parent and staff member, had always raved about CAPE as an organization and the kind of the model that CAPE uses. She had sent a connecting email to Joseph and me just saying let's see if there's anything that can come from it.

So I reached out to Joseph. I just said, “You mentioned you're looking to expand your reach. You're looking to be in more suburbs. You’ve worked with 21st CCLC grants. Are you interested in being our co-applicant and seeing if we can figure something out?” And Joseph said yes immediately.

I think ISBE approved of the grant on January 18th. So in six months, we created a budget, and we put a program together. Then the program started running February 1st!

What does collaboration look like for District 33?

I think the relationship between District 33 and CAPE has already started with an intention to be collaborative from the very beginning. I remember when Joseph and I were first talking, one of the big things that I was focused on was the fact that the district still wants to work with other partners. How do we blend other organizations and people into this program?

It's just kind of this constant throwing ideas out there and saying, What makes sense? How can we work together? We've been working with a lot of our local partners to the park district, the library, some help from some of our local health partners, and finding ways to embed really collaborative family opportunities on top of the traditional kind of classroom stuff that's going to happen in the afternoon, spring, and summer programming. And it's been absolutely wonderful.

For the future, I just envision this continuing to expand and really grow, because we only really started in February with Joseph. I have been referring to this semester as our pilot, like, let's just go for it. Let's see how it goes. Let's learn lessons. And then for next year, we can really think about how we build this out even more, make it more robust.

And for us, when we talk about collaboration, a lot of times what we talk about is that often, whether it's education, nonprofit organizations, people are asked to do so much more than what they should have to do. And a lot of times it's beyond the scope of their position. Teachers are being asked to be counselors.

For us, these collaborations are really about bringing in everyone’s expertise and passions. Really work together so we can just do the things we're good at and let others do the things they're good at so that together we're really working towards those goals. CAPE has this beautiful model, inquiry based arts integration. So CAPE tells us how that looks, because you have that expertise. District 33 has some other expertise. How do we work together to create something really beautiful for students? I mean it's all about the students and families in the end. So how do we work together to create something that's really special for them? It’s been just incredible how open and ready everyone's been to just say, OK, let's figure this out. Let's be creative. Let's bounce ideas back and forth. And we just make it work. And it's pretty awesome to have a partner who's just has a bent towards wanting to operate that way.

Family Night is where the community’s families come together and share out what they’ve been learning in CAPE programs. CAPE has hosted a few Family Night events over the spring semester. How does Family Night serve the district?

Students don't exist in isolation. They are a family unit in some way, shape, or form. It looks different for everyone, but you're a part of something larger. If you want to support students, our belief is you need to be supporting the guardians or the adults or whoever else is in that home with reaching their goals and removing barriers for those folks.

We do a lot of activities and events where we try and bring families together to do shared learning or just have shared experiences together. For example, we offer ESL classes for parents and guardians. And in the evenings we know that often child care could be a hindrance for them to be able to attend. We also offer a child development program for the children of parents and ESL class where the children are doing their own learning.

The other big thing we really focus on is this idea of doing things with families and communities, not doing them to families and communities, and really providing opportunity for families to say, this is what I want this to look like, or this is how I think you should be. And not just assuming we know better because we're, I don't know, an organization or professionals or whatever.

So the Family Nights that we've had so far, it was amazing. I mean, I think I shed tears a couple of times. So cool to see and particularly knowing everything's been virtual for us this whole time. Yeah, I still see the impact that's happened in the relationships that have been built has just been phenomenal. It really gives an opportunity for parents to be able to kind of get that insider view of the program, and also a chance for students to just show off, show their parents what they did, and ask, How cool is this? And I really enjoyed being able to see the teaching artists and our district staff show off, too, because they were doing a lot of the sharing. It's just so incredible.

I think down the road, what would be amazing is that when we have these events in person, hopefully in the near future, that they also are really embedded in the community, too. So people have an opportunity to really learn more about West Chicago and the community that they live in and contribute to. So it's really supporting a broader community engagement too, not just that inner family engagement.

Student interview with Yaritza, a fifth grader at Currier Elementary School

Why did you join CAPE after school?

Because I like after school programs and theater. It's fun learning more stuff after school.

How is this after school like class and environment different than what you do during the school day?

It's different from the school day because I get to move around a lot more and play more and have more fun than just sitting there and writing notes.

Can you describe to me what kinds of things you've been doing in this class (Life Out Loud!)?

We play fun games. And we have time to spend quality time with other kids, and draw everyday. We do theater games and create stories and fun scenes. And we write some of our ideas down.

What is something that you hope to do with the class before the school year is over?

One thing that I like to do with the class before the class is over is do the puppet shows we’ve started. And learn more games.

If you were to tell someone of the kids at your school, a reason to join CAPE after school programs or this after school program, what would you say?

I like doing after school programs because it gives you more time to spend time with other kids and not be on the on your screen, and to create things on your own with artists.

At Gary Elementary School, students show off their trolls before the mischievous creatures run away, led by artists Anni Holm and Buddy Plumlee and teacher Jacqueline Neidhardt.

Students at Leman Middle School share their Alebrijes and masks inspired by traditional Mexican art, led by artist Sarita Garcia and teacher Carlos Osorio.

For the parent class at Leman Middle School, parents practice drawing still lifes using objects that represent their identity, led by artist Jessica Mueller and counselors Graciela Moreno, Lori Koch, and Melinda Ayala.

[eddieonthemove]

Early months

Finding that pink line on the pregnancy test was a complete surprise for me. It was unplanned, unexpected and to be honest, couldn’t have been more badly timed. Looking back now, the pregnancy itself didn’t get any easier. When people say that pregnant women have this kind of bloom around them, for me it was more of a gloom. I was sick, tired, couldn’t sleep or eat properly, and on top of that serious problems in the relationship and a very stressful job. Not ideal!

When I was 23 weeks pregnant I started showing a tiny bit, although I still looked like I had a bit more for lunch than normal rather than being pregnant. For the coming weekend my partner Ben and I were planning to go to Snowdonia. That didn’t go as planned. Instead, I woke up on Thursday that week and was bleeding a bit. I googled the symptoms and then walked to work as usual, because Google said it can happen. My colleagues persuaded me to call my midwife and then called me a taxi to go to the hospital. I didn’t take my pregnancy notes, I literally thought I would be back at work in a few hours. Instead, after the examination, a doctor sat me down and told me “don’t panic but you’re in labour”. Well, you can imagine I started panicking. At only 23+5 days pregnant.

The following few hours I went from crying, being petrified, calling my parents, wanting to leave the hospital because the doctors were obviously wrong, to being scared that Ben wouldn’t even show up. If I ever thought before that I wasn’t ready, I definitely wasn’t ready for this. I was transferred onto a delivery suite immediately and got a midwife assigned to me. Within a few hours I was given lots of painkillers and other medication to try to stop the labour, as well as steroids for the little one. Ben arrived with a few friends and I basically cried through it.

Many doctors talked to us after that, explained what little chances there were, what were the possible outcomes, and told me I needed to keep the baby (until that point the sex wasn’t confirmed) inside until at least 24 weeks. The people, nurses, doctors, midwifes, and everybody involved were absolutely amazing. Contractions started slowly but surely and by Saturday morning I was praying for whatever to happen to stop this. At that point, we knew it was going to happen that day and I had never felt less ready. I felt like I needed years to prepare for whatever was coming. I needed my parents, who were thousands of miles away. I wanted as much medication to kill the pain as possible, however I couldn’t get any because it was too risky. Another hard thing was deciding about the unborn baby’s life, just in case. Deciding whether we wanted for the doctors to do everything possible to keep the baby alive or to let nature do what was meant to be. We agreed to give it a try but not to push the little one if he didn’t want to stay with us. I had never felt so lonely in my life. We had been waiting until late evening for my water to break, but once it did the rest happened very quickly.

Eddie was born on Saturday, 12th of May 2018 at 24 weeks of gestation, weighing only 640g (1.4 lbs), breach, but despite all that decided to fight his first big fight for life. Doctors asked us if we wanted to see him, I’m not sure if Ben did, but I was so exhausted that the only thing I wanted was to sleep. Eddie went straight into an incubator and got transferred to the neonatal unit. I got morphine and thought I would rest, but hallucinations and sickness followed. In the early morning hours we were woken up to be transferred to a normal room and after a couple more hours of sleep a nurse came to ask if I wanted to start expressing milk. Honestly? That was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t even want to see my baby. The first journey to the neonatal unit was horrifying, all I wanted was to go home and forget about everything that had happened. Eddie was at the far end, where the sickest babies were, and he was also the smallest one at the unit. When we first saw him, he looked like a little alien without any body fat, with see-through skin, red in colour. I felt awful for not feeling the supposedly instant maternal love.

NICU became the place where I spent most of my time and yet the place I hated most. The dim blue lights, the beeping machines, the hushed tones of doctors and nurses, medical language I didn’t understand despite being fluent in English, everything sterile… On top of the early arrival, Eddie had a large haemorrhage on his brain on both sides and was fully incubated. It was a miracle he survived. That day was the beginning of his long journey. I rushed to get home to sleep in my bed and asked to be discharged the same day. The whole thing felt surreal. For the first few days Eddie was doing amazingly well, but then he got sick very quickly. We were scared to be called in every minute of every day. I felt constantly on edge and unable to relax. I would lie in bed clutching my phone, petrified whenever it rang in case it was bad news. Multiple complications, multiple “you should say your goodbyes now”. Every day was a nightmare with so much stress and fear. Expressing milk every three hours became a very hated chore, especially since Eddie couldn’t receive any milk because of so many complications.

Two days passed and it felt like a week, every day dragged so much. A couple of weeks after Eddie was born we were called at night and spent a day and a half on the unit nonstop as everything was pretty bad; even Ben burst into tears once. Eddie proved the doctors wrong and despite all odds he kept fighting and got better again. I had my first skin to skin cuddle with Eddie with about 6 nurses around just to make sure Eddie was ok. I felt like I couldn’t even move or touch my baby. However, I slowly became familiar with the nurses. Their guidance was great and we could have been involved as much or as little as we wanted, or that is at least what they said. Over the time Ben slowly stopped paying Eddie frequent visits, everything seemed to be much more difficult and the mental health of both of us was slowly hitting bottom. I felt so much pressure; I am the mother, I was the one who always had to come and visit. A few times we planned a trip somewhere and some nurses encouraged me to have a bit of a normal life, but on return to the hospital some nurses couldn’t not mention that I hadn’t visited Eddie for a day. I felt like they judged me and wondered how I could possibly dare not to show up for a few hours.

Most days I felt a strong urge to either curl up in a ball or run away and not have to face life as it was. I felt like jumping out of the window. I don’t think I would have done it, but I felt lost, lonely and distraught. I went through days when I hated even the thought of going to the hospital and days when I couldn’t be anywhere else because it was the only place where I felt safe. I needed Ben but he wasn’t able to be there for me. None of my friends understood (and I don’t blame them) but I felt like I was abandoned. I lived for my job and felt like it was taken from me. Everything was falling apart.  Anybody who tried to be there for me was just not good enough. I felt helpless and hopeless. I kept expressing milk and in the first weeks I did so well that even nurses told me I had to store it at home as they had no space left. That quickly changed, because mental health clearly affects everything. SCIPS, a charity that is based in the hospital offered me private counselling, probably because I cried most of the time, not only when Eddie was not well, but even when he was getting better. I started attending weekly sessions and it took a good 6 months for me to realise that this was not my fault. The idea that every woman has a pregnancy that is 9 months long is just an ideal situation, but what happened to us can happen to anybody.

“Life can throw us many curve balls, with children undoubtedly being one of them. Factor into that medical problems, our very young age as parents, my lack of desire to ever be a parent and an unsure future and you have the mother of all curve balls. To say that I dragged my heels at the thought of being a father would be an understatement. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and to accept that, like it or not, I no longer have the choice; I have a son. The whole journey from finding out that Eli was pregnant to Eddie finally being discharged from hospital has been the most harrowing and emotional yet maturing and life-changing experience that I could ever have imagined going through. Despite initial reluctance towards fatherhood, I was amazed at Eddie’s spirit and will to keep fighting. Despite numerous complications and a few near-death scares, he has found a way to pull through, in no small part thanks to all the staff at the NICU and his own stubborn willpower. Eli was and continues to be incredibly brave and has been so strong for both Eddie and me throughout all of this and is the most wonderful mother that Eddie could ever hope for. Even now with a long way to go before he starts to catch up with the development of children his age, he still manages to astonish us with his progress, and always with a smile on his face. The experience of an un-planned, extremely premature birth has without a doubt taken its toll on our mental health and our relationship, and yet the future still seems brighter than ever with such a lovely, happy boy to light the way. Although Eli and I may have not made it as a couple, I feel that we are doing all that we can to succeed at being the best parents that we can to Eddie and now share a special relationship as a family that has brought us all even closer than before. Seeing his progress after a mere two-hour session at the Bobath Centre was incredible, leading us to believe wholeheartedly that they can aid him in his growth and allow him to live a normal life, regardless of his premature birth. Above all else, I am immeasurably proud and grateful that Eddie is as stubborn as his parents with his never-give-up attitude towards life. He has seized every opportunity so far and I hope that he continues to do so for the rest of his life. He may have been unexpected, but the best gifts are always a surprise.”

Ben, Eddie’s Dad

Eddie was slowly getting better and once he was off any help with breathing, it was just a waiting game until he was ready to go home. I gave up on breastfeeding as the pressure of it and the slow decrease of my milk supply was bringing me down even more. Another hard thing on the unit was seeing all the babies come and go. Nurses told me to talk to other parents many times, and I did, I made a few friends, but most of the time I was jealous of their babies’ progress or the support they had around them… Most of the people I met through NICU always come back and look for a reason to drop in and say hi, but the journey through NICU is the one thing I would very much like to forget about. However, I am and will always be so grateful for all doctors and nurses that helped Eddie to fight for his life.

Eddie got discharged on the 12th of September, exactly 4 months after he was born. Ben and I roomed in for the last night, I don’t think we even exchanged one single word that night, now I know that Ben had never been that scared in his life, and I was too. Unfortunately for me, I was the one who had to be ok and strong. It was just expected of me. We were actually lucky, as Eddie didn’t need any oxygen help at home or a feeding tube, and yet it didn’t feel great.

The first few months at home were definitely not a piece of cake, but I guess it never is for any new parents. I can’t say we didn’t go through anything abnormal (apart from using a lot of syringes and medicine every day), just a lot of crying and the usual things that come with a ‘newborn’ baby. I had to take Eddie back to the hospital three times, twice for a bad episode of bronchiolitis (when once his lung partially collapsed) and once for a hernia operation. Apart from that, our Eddie has grown to be a very happy little boy and I’ve grown to love him more than anything in the world. So did Ben, despite all that’s happened. Our relationship didn’t survive, we failed as a couple, but not as parents, Eddie gave us the strength to realise that even when things aren’t going as planned, we can survive.

Eddie’s now 15 months old. He would have been 1 year old on the 1st of September 2019 if he was born on his due date and weighs an amazing 10 kg! He doesn’t roll over much (even though he can do it), he can’t sit up by himself, he doesn’t crawl and is behind with most of the normal milestones. I stopped taking Eddie to baby groups because I couldn’t cope with other children developing normally and felt like I wanted to give Eddie as much as I could to be able to give him a normal life. After contacting Bliss, an international charity for sick and premature babies and Bobath Centre for children with cerebral palsy, Eddie has been admitted onto the Early Intervention Scheme in Bobath Centre Wales and had his first assessment with a senior physiotherapist in August. We will have more sessions to go to and an intensive block every 4 months. It will be a lot of hard work and exercise and we are praying that Eddie will be able to have a normal life one day.

I wouldn’t wish for anybody to have an extremely premature child but I am happy to be the person I’ve become and that’s pretty much shaped by what I’ve been through over the last two years, even though I am still very far away from being ok with everything that’s happened. I have severe panic attacks and strong anxiety, I’ve become terrified of sharing personal things with people around me and I know this experience will affect me for a long time. Writing this story, however, and going through everything again seems to be the right step now, a step forward. All of my family, from my one thousands of miles away to my one here including Ben and Ben’s family and my close friends, we all love Eddie very much and I wouldn’t change that for anything. He is our little miracle!

Eli, Eddie’s mum 

(originally posted on  15th August 2019) 

”We did not know that our son, Ben, and Eli were expecting a baby until less than a month before Eddie was born, so everything seemed to happen incredibly quickly thereafter.  We were very worried when Eli went into labour so early and whilst delighted at the news that Eddie had come into the world, we were also very anxious about not only our first and only grandson being born so prematurely (and all the health issues and problems arising from that) but also the pain and worry that our son and Eli would be going through, given the circumstances of Eddie’s very early birth.  We tried to give as much support as we could, in whichever way we could, but living a 5 hour return journey away meant it was difficult to visit and we didn’t want to get in the way, so texts were the main means of information exchange.  Ben and Eli kept us as well informed as they could, and news that the hospital had told them to go and say their final goodbyes on several occasions was truly heart-breaking, but Eddie clearly had different ideas and decided he wasn’t ready to leave. We first visited Eddie in the hospital incubator when he was 6 weeks old; he was so tiny and so beautiful, we fell in love with him immediately. We were overwhelmed at the wonderful support and care given by NICU and marvelled at Eddie’s fighting spirit. When Eddie came out of hospital, we visited again and the first time we babysat for him overnight, was really truly scary; there were so many things to remember: when to give his meds, when to feed, what to do if he choked, and so forth, but Eli and Ben’s calm parenting (plus the fact they were just a couple of streets away!) put us at ease and we had no problems at all; we thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience as any grandparents would.  When we babysat again a few months later for 3 whole days all by ourselves, we loved every minute of it and just wished we lived closer so that we could help more readily.We know our son was affected very deeply by Eddie’s birth and struggled at first to cope as a father, and although this whole experience has taken a toll on Ben and Eli’s relationship with each other, we still very much see them all as part of our wider family. We have never ceased to be amazed at how wonderful they both are as parents, and at the strength and fortitude of Eddie – he is such a fighter. We are so happy and proud to be his grandparents, and were delighted that Bobath accepted Eddie onto their Early Intervention Scheme so that he can have extra help with his developmental issues; we’re sure this extra help will make all the difference in the world to him in the future.” Anne and Simon, Proud Grandparents

[chibimuiwritesstuff]

Ex-MMA Fighter Xie Lian AU

A super random AU I thought up in the shower (because that’s where all our best thoughts come from). Essentially borne from my amusement at how Xie Lian, in his youth, was super obsessed with really good fighters (a tidbit that I feel goes woefully unmentioned in fandom and even by the author later in the novel). Posting because I need to get the idea out of my head and possibly actually start writing it.

(Also I don’t actually know anything about the MMA world, especially competitively - I just dabbled in Judo/Karate in my late teens, but that’s about it).

So basically. Imagine, XL is a super sweet but clumsy department head at Heavenly Officials Ltd. (I have no idea what kind of company this actually is, ideas are welcome), whom his staff all adore but also kind of worry for cuz omg is he super air headed and clutzy and fucking hopeless. Just the other week he managed to spill coffee all over his laptop--his third one of the year and it’s only March! But he is literally so nice, and despite his clumsiness is actually super competent at his job and his department always gets stellar results (what department are they? I have no clue, I know nothing about the corporate world).

What none of his staff/coworkers know is that their ridiculously clumsy boss used to be a champion mixed martial arts fighter in his university days. Or that he would even be interested in something as brutal as MMA cage matches since XL is a known pacifist who will go out of his way to catch bugs and place them safely outside when he has the time. But then one of the IT guys - in the process of fixing his laptop and restoring his hard drive finds a folder filled with videos and pictures of MMA cage matches all featuring the same fighter... you guessed it, Hua Cheng (I know MMA is not wrestling, but let’s pretend stage names are a thing in the competitive MMA world as well so HC is his fighter name in the arena)! The gossip spreads like wildfire, but everyone just thinks XL is just a fan of this ridiculously attractive fighter and don’t really think beyond that (although they do think it’s kind of adorable that XL  seems to be such a huge fanboy of this gorgeous, gorgeous man).

And the thing is - the staff have heard vague snippets from XL himself about his husband, “San Lang” who they have yet to meet because apparently he is often busy in the evenings and is therefore unable to attend corporate events. But they don’t make the connection that the adorable San Lang who cooks and pampers their boss could be the incredibly brutal and violent HC (his staff all decided to review some videos just to see who has captured their bosses interest and most of them are erm... quite surprised).

Then of course, someone does find out that SL and HC are the same person and this is when shit really hits the fan because the thing is - the staff generally knew that XL and his partner could be quite *ahem* adventurous and coupled with XL’s inherent clumsiness they had gotten used to seeing random marks and bruises on their boss that they probably shouldn’t be witness too, but whom he always insists are ‘nothing’. But when they learn that his partner is a potentially super violent MMA fighter his staff get awfully protective and worried because... could their boss be in an abusive relationship that they aren’t aware of???? This opinion is not helped by the fact that when they try to discretely ask FX and MQ about HC they ofc give some pretty bad impressions (because both of them can’t stand HC--but the feelings are pretty mutual).

So of course, they must staff an intervention! And a perfect opportunity comes up--as part of some charity event their company is partnering with the local MMA organization to hold a friendly exhibition charity match and surprise-surprise, they’re bringing in their big gun, HC and he’s apparently going to fight some old veteran whose fighter name is “His Royal Highness”. (google reveals a fighter who constantly wore a mask to hide his identity). This is their chance to meet the bosses partner and maybe subtle-y threaten him enough to let him know that their boss is cared for and they will protect him at all costs if necessary.

(side note: Feng Xin and Mu Qing don’t bother to correct anyone because a) they generally stay out of gossip surrounding XL because b) they respect Xie Lian’s privacy c) they hate talking about HC in any capacity and d) they have an on-going bet to see when ppl will learn their ‘adorable clumsy boss’ could theoretically take out an entire swat team without batting an eyelash if he really wanted to--he was nearly recruited to be a special ops agent, but anyway)

So. The day of the charity match arrives and XL is... nowhere to be found??? Perhaps he’s somewhere else, VIP seating with the CEO (Jun Wu) or something since HC is his partner after all. Anyway, they watch the fight and it’s... Wow. But also a bit different? HC doesn’t seem as wild or brutal as he seems from online videos, although there is still this energy that everyone can feel in the fight that they can’t really place. But wow is it a fight and in the end HC surprisingly loses????

Ref blows the whistle and the staff all clamber down hoping to get in a word with HC when they all stop short because “His Royal Highness” suddenly rips his mask off and flies into HC’s arm and... and is that THEIR BOSS???

Minds are blown. Jaws are dropped. The two of them are practically three seconds away from full-on making out on the cage floor before FX/MQ yell at them to “stop being fucking gross, you’re in public damn it” and then XL snaps out of it and remembers, oh right, his entire staff team from work is here and they all just scream at him and he’s just like ???? because... well...

He hadn’t been trying to keep this a secret at all?

But now that the cat is out of the bag he is super happy to introduce HC to everyone, and then hopefully drag his partner off to the nearest secluded space because half the reason XL retired was a) he was done uni and was offered a nice position by Jun Wu (CEO of HO Ltd) - who was also an ex-fighter and trained under the same master as XL so they know each other pretty well - so he had less time and b) he felt he had found his match with HC and so the thrill of fighting others wasn’t as big anymore and c) ...after getting together cage matches were just another form of foreplay and it made things rather... ah... difficult to say the least. So XL bowed out without any issue. HC stayed in the profession because he knows XL likes watching him fight :)

Also just because XL doesn’t compete anymore doesn’t mean they don’t still spar on the regular in private. There is just something about the atmosphere of competitive cage matches that just got their blood flowing more than just sparring on the side for fun (although that would often lead to sex afterwards too, but at least in that case there wasn’t an audience).

So. There you have it.

[hysteriium]

Karma’s a Bitch; {1}

// Deal With the Devil // 

Steady hands met with the flesh of a tense bicep. An arm you knew by now would never relax despite your genuine reassurances.

With one scarred, blind eye and the other distant, refusing to look at you, it was always difficult to tell if he was in the present moment; aware. Or, if the infamous man was miles away, thinking — perhaps about what he’d do to you now if you messed up.

Though, maybe that was your anxiety talking.

Michael definitely wasn’t the nicest patient, there had been plenty of incidents over the years. Fatal ones. Yet, much to doctor Sartain’s persistence, Michael remained in the facility. It wasn’t ethical, but hey, you needed to get paid and so you tried your best to please everyone. Do your job for your boss, Sartain, and take care of Michael, since you were the only nurse who he allowed near him.

You wouldn’t say Michael trusted you. You figured he was quite unacquainted with the notion, yet you knew that he at least tolerated you. Seeming as you hadn’t been slammed against the wall, your brains splattering and contrasting against the blinding whiteness that coated the entire facility, this was a clear fact. A morbid, gory masterpiece that would almost belong in a museum; its message loud and clear.

With a gentle hum, you wrapped the measuring instrument around his arm. It wasn’t a daily process, but one that had to be performed every so often. It was a strict regulation with patients, especially with precious Michael (as your boss would so kindly emphasise), to ensure each patient was fit and healthy.

As you sat across from him, your gentle humming signified your distance from present-tense, your mind flickering elsewhere — dangerous. As your movements went into automation, you were too dazed to notice Michael slowly moving his head towards you; expression vacant, with no evidence of a human being residing within the flesh. It was only after completing the small task of writing down Michael’s scores when you stopped. Michael’s comparatively larger hand had halted you, your pen falling to the ground in a series of taps. It was a firm grip; you could never envision the man being gentle. It was a hold that signified if you made it difficult, there’d be no hesitation in ending your pathetic, significantly weaker, life.

Steady heartbeats morphed into that of panic, a hammering stampede. Taking in the new bits of information, you looked down at the man sitting before you, his gaze spilling into your own with such intensity it was hard to keep your eyes from saccading away. It had the capacity to turn even the hardest men into stone, like that of the great gorgon, Medusa. A flame lay within those dead eyes, ones that harboured the burning desire to kill.

“M-Michael?” Your voice came out as a pained whimper, and if he hadn’t had any indication you were bat shit terrified before, (which you doubted), he sure as hell knew now.

He could smell fear from a mile away.

His grip tightened at the sound of your small voice, the pullback of his arm forcing you closer to him with your faces mere inches apart. The action forced your eyes shut, and you felt your face involuntarily scrunch up in fear as you waited for impending doom. The atmosphere was suffocating, your body hot and tingling with adrenaline as the laboured breathing of your former patient, and soon to be murderer, triumphed. Its flow tickled the base of your neck, strands of your hair softly swaying against his harsh respire.

When you mustered enough courage to look, with the seconds speedily turning into minutes, you opened one glassy eye, tears pricking at the corners and threatening to spill. You weren’t sure which was more horrifying; getting hurt — and perhaps murdered by Michael — or the absence of pain that virtually seemed impossible to associate with the infamous man.

Then, as unexpected as it was abrupt, his strong hand released you.

Curious beyond articulation as to what the fuck happened, you didn’t need to be assaulted twice to know when to scramble out of there. Speedily you exited. Shaking hands collected your equipment before locking his cell. With no interest to look behind you, into the small window his cell had, you failed to witness his gaze still upon you, remaining that way until you completely vanished from view.

But, although you couldn’t see it, you sure as hell felt it.

——————

It had been days, perhaps a couple of weeks, since the incident and you hadn’t been back to see Michael. Despite your bosses protests and his covert empty threats, he was unable to get you back to your regular routine. Treating regular, less murderous patients was now your daily experience, and to be honest, you were much happier.

Living was currently an attractive state of being to you, so you were trying your best to avoid anything that could potentially endanger that. With Michael being the angel of death, it was obvious you would avoid him at all costs.

As for Michael, ever since the incident, he had been attacking the new nurses sent to him (attacks that hadn’t resulted in deaths, yet), or remained as uncooperative as possible. You’d be on shift, minding your own business until the piercing shrieks and cries of Michael’s next victim filled your ears. After awhile it became routine, and you instantly knew where the source was. You’d often see nurses with bruisings on their body, arms, legs, cuts from where he dug in his nails — and most commonly, bruising around the neck. It was particularly heartbreaking, especially since you had been one of the lucky ones; to put up with Michael for such a long time and to be able to continue on your day without an incident was a luxury. You weren’t entirely sure why that was the case. Either way, it didn’t stop the injured nurses' filthy looks whenever another staff member was assaulted, as if you had something to do with it; as if you had some kind of hold over Michael.

No one could control Michael, he was his own person.

Perhaps the violence was his silent protest to get you to return, you weren’t sure and you didn’t want to know. What you did know, however, was that Michael’s poor behaviour only worked to exacerbate the doctor's desperate pleas to return to Michael. He didn’t want the state to get any ideas, and he wanted to keep Michael in his clutches for as long as he possibly could. It was his primary objective, as he had once so nicely conceptualised. Sartain, someone you’d describe as a borderline madman, was still convinced he’d get groundbreaking research from Michael.

Delusional.

You were in one of the equipment rooms, ready to attend to another patient when Sartain strode in, his long lab coat floating in behind him. He made his way to you in long strides, eyes hard and focused with determination, peering into your own like an owl on cocaine.

Without even hearing him speak, you knew what this was about.

“No—“

“Hear me out, (Y/n)!”

“I’m not doing it—“

“He’s attacked another one miss (L/n). They’re transporting him in a few days and I need to know this won’t end up in failure. I need you there.”

You froze, biting your lip in thought, the bitter, metallic taste of blood only seemed fitting as you crossed your arms, contemplating the pros and cons.

The doctor not receiving an answer, interpreted your silence as a small victory, choosing to elaborate.

“He’ll be incredibly secured, chained up and driven in one of our busses. Nothing will go wrong, I can assure you that.”

You definitely needed a chance to think about it. Were you really going to endanger the lives of others just for your own comfort? It was a difficult decision that needed careful thought.

“I’ll be raising your pay, and it’ll be the last time you get to see Michael.”

Nevermind.

“Resorted to bribing now, sir?” You finally spoke up, a small smile tugging at your lips.

He shot you a playful smile, “so I’ll take that as a yes?”

Releasing a sigh, you slowly nod your head, barely believing what you were agreeing too.

“Okay, yes. Only if you’re certain it’s safe.”

“Utterly, and completely.”

As his smirk widened, happy at his win, you couldn’t help but feel like you were making a deal with the devil. A deal you felt you’d totally, and wholey, regret.

If only you knew how right you were.

* 

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Hey guys! This is my first three-shot / miniseries? Idk what to call it lmao. But I hope you enjoy! I'm really happy with how some of it turned out, I hope my characterisation of Michael is somewhat realistic. I don't particularly believe the narrative that he's completely unfeeling and further, incapable of feeling. I certainly do think due to the environment he grew up in (in the sanitarium), he was unable to really express and develop said emotions. With the added mixture of Loomis, and his psychobabble (he really needs his licence revoked), I really don't think that helped him lmao and this obviously added to the myth of 'The Shape'. Although Michael's emotions would be hard to access and even draw out in the first place, I still think it's possible that he'd feel some sort of affections for someone? It'll be very hard though. I also believe if he were to start feeling things for someone, he'd definitely be very confused, and it would lead to a lot of emotional outbursts, particularly anger - rage even - because of how unfamiliar it is; also due to how anger and rage are so "normal" for lack of a better word, he'd try his hardest to regress/revert back to some sense of familiarity. Though like how it is for most, repression of emotions really doesn't work, and this would thereby manifest itself as intense bouts of possessiveness and jealousy. Idk that's just my opinion and my own interpretation, I could be really fucking wrong lmao but I guess that's the beauty of writing. Anyway, Jesus, I'm rambling, I'll be surprised if anyone even reads this lmao. Thank you for reading if you did, I love you and I hope you enjoy!

[fullmetalscullyy]

hit and run - chapter 10

summary: Riza Hawkeye is a thief who is trying to get by in Victorian Central. Hard times fell on her family, tuberculosis claiming her mother and then her father when she was a teenager. Now, femme fatale Riza steals to put food on the table for herself, her canine companion - an abandoned puppy who just won’t leave her alone - and two brothers with circumstances similar to her own. However, dipping her hands into the pockets of the rich and famous is always a dangerous game.

rated: m | words: 3238

title: “hit and run” by lolo

read on ao3 and ffnet

“Why would she leave?!” Rebecca raged as she paced in what used to be Riza’s bedroom. After she’d managed to give Roy the slip in the maze, he’d returned defeatedly to the mansion asking for the staff to round up Riza’s friends so he could let them know what had happened.

Roy was at a loss of what to do. He was scared for her, and angry that she would just up and leave without saying anything or thinking this through properly. Did she not understand that it wasn’t safe for her to go out there, especially not by herself? That Kimblee had his men out looking for her? He’d no doubt made the connection between the woman in The Vaults who’d slipped through his clutches, disappearing off the face of the earth, and the description his men had given him the night of the raid on his home.

It sparked a lot of fear inside Roy when his mother had filled him in on the situation around the city and had murmured quietly that he should make sure everyone kept a closer eye on Riza. Given her character, Roy knew she’d hate it, but whether she liked it or not, while in his mother’s home, they would do their absolute best to make sure she was safe.

They owed it to her, after all.

And that included when it came to taking down Kimblee.

Roy had watched Kimblee and Riza's interaction from the hidden escape tunnel at the back of the inn. His mother had asked to provide back up and remain on standby should Riza need help, but she never specified exactly where he should provide back up from. As much as his mother did not like Roy going into The Vaults, he couldn’t leave Riza by herself. He wouldn’t do that to anyone.

Kimblee was an evil man – Roy had sussed that out within five minutes of being in his company – and something didn’t sit right with him at the thought that one person was being left to face him head on, alone. Especially a woman. Roy had heard stories. Kimblee was evil as evil can be to everyone, but he had a fascination with woman that made Roy want to vomit.

Kimblee had done horrible things to his female victims.

So, as Roy watched Kimblee touch and manhandle Riza, he’d bristled angrily. A part of him wanted to reveal himself and shove his knife into the throat of Kimblee there and then, but he had a job to do. Plus, it would only make things worse. Killing Kimblee wouldn’t be a loss to the world, however, it wouldn’t be enough. They needed to take down his entire organisation and system, or someone else would just take his place. From the shortlist, each person was just as bad and as twisted as the head man himself.

A thought occurred to him, given Kimblee’s past, that made Roy swallow the bile in his throat. Kimblee knew what Riza looked like. In the past, there had been whispers that once Kimblee was fixated on a target, there was no stopping him until he got what he wanted.

They needed to act, and fast.

“What did she say to you?” Rebecca demanded.

Roy sighed. He’d already told them everything. Edward had sat with his arms crossed angrily, a glare on his face which was directed at Roy. He no doubt thought Roy had been the cause of all of this. Rebecca was baffled about how, and angry her friend had left without saying at least something to Rebecca. Gracia was quiet and lost in thought. So was Alphonse, however he wrung his hands on his lap nervously.

“She said she needed to leave in order to protect us all,” Roy reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time. “She wanted to protect us from Kimblee’s wrath.”

“But it’s not safe out there!” Rebecca cried. “I told her this. There’s something else. Something she’s not telling us.”

Roy’s stomach tightened at the thought. “I’m sorry,” he added helplessly. “I lost her in the maze. I couldn’t track her.”

The room fell silent. Even Rebecca had stopped pacing. The only other change was Edward’s glare seemed to deepen, his eyes trying to burn into Roy’s.

Give it a rest, kid. He didn’t want a shouting match with a teenager. He didn’t run Riza away, although, Roy knew for a fact some people in the room had already considered that possibility. It only made his frustration grow. He only wanted to help. Why couldn’t they understand that? He didn’t want to run her away! He didn’t want to see her hurt again. It was their fault that she’d been dropped into this mess. All Roy wanted to do was make it right. He already felt guilty enough as it was.

“Where does this leave us, then?” Maes asked the room. He pushed off the doorframe he’d been leaning against and walked forward, joining their circle. “We’re all sitting around here stressing out or trying to pin the blame on someone.” Edward dropped his gaze and Rebecca’s shoulders sagged in response to his words. “No one is actually moving into any action. Where is she likely to go at a time like this?”

Maes had also attended their impromptu meeting, standing silently behind them all. He leaned against the doorframe with his shoulder, silently listening to them converse. With one ankle hooked behind the other, he crossed his arms over his chest while he observed objectively. He’d made no sound, no contribution, but Roy could tell from the air about him that he was concerned. Maes was never someone to leave a man behind. Roy knew that from experience. So, after his initial encounter with Riza, it didn’t surprise Roy that Maes felt protective of her like the rest of them did. It was just his nature.

Rebecca sighed after a moment’s pause. She raked her hand through her hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

“We all are,” Maes told her. That caused Edward to look between the two men who weren’t part of their little family. He looked slightly disbelieving of Maes’ confession. Roy couldn't blame him but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t frustrated by it.. Edward was very protective of the woman who had essentially been a mother to them. In a way, Roy was glad Riza had this kind of support system behind her. She’d always spoken about how she was so used to being on her own, but she wasn’t. She had four people in this room who would fight by her side and who loved her fiercely. That number was slowly creeping up to six people.

Roy didn’t know Riza very well. He’d never had the chance to. However, he could recognise when someone wanted to try and shoulder the whole world in order to protect the ones they loved. Roy had done it himself when dealing with Kimblee. He’d fought tooth and nail to keep his adoptive sisters away from that man, insisting he could handle the situation by himself. He just hoped that familiar feeling wouldn’t get Riza killed. That thought made his stomach tighten painfully in response.

*          *          *

The party was in full swing by the time Riza arrived at the ball. Couples were dancing throughout the ballroom, smiles on their faces as they moved together, laughed together, and had fun together. The strings filled the room with a beautiful sound that Riza would have stopped to appreciate fully, had she not had an agenda that night.

Symphonies were her favourite. When she was younger and had more time on her hands, she would sneak into the Central Opera House by the roof and listen to the orchestras and their instruments. There was something about the strings section that just tugged at her heart, swelling with emotion as she listened to the stories the violins and cellos had to tell.

She had her eye on her target – a man who was in the top tier of Kimblee’s organisation - Frank Archer. No one was as bad a person as Kimblee, but Archer was a close second. He made his way around the guests with a smug look on his face that Riza wanted to smack off.

Despite this being one of Kimblee’s balls, Riza had overheard snippets of conversations that told her Kimblee wouldn’t be attending tonight. That made her relax slightly, however in this company that was never fully possible. All the worst of the worst were here tonight. This was essentially the Central Mafia’s night and that set Riza on edge. She wished she had at least Rebecca and Gracia here with her, but this was her mess to clean up. She didn’t want to get them too involved. She already had by asking them to help her infiltrate Kimblee’s home. Thankfully he was interested in Riza, and Riza only.

She wouldn’t put them at risk.

There was a quiet tinkling of glass as a butler took to the staircase, elevating himself above the heads of everyone in the room. “Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could have your attention please.” The quiet murmur of the room died down and the orchestra ceased their playing. It made her uneasy losing the one thing she found was familiar in what was essentially shark infested waters for her. “I would like to announce the guest of honour tonight, Sir Solf J. Kimblee.”

While the other guests clapped and murmured excitedly between themselves, Riza felt her stomach drop. Dread prickled her skin and her heart rate picked up. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. Mr. Marco had informed Riza that Archer was an incredible suck up to Kimblee. If he was here tonight, then Riza would lose her chance at trying to find out who’d ratted her out to Kimblee and would lose the opportunity to discover another way to take him down.

A week of work wasted, just like that.

It had been three weeks since she’d left the Madame’s mansion. Three lonely weeks. She missed her team, the boys, and she even found herself missing Mustang, despite what they’d gone through. During that time, he’d been kind to her. He’d looked out for her when it seemed like his mother wanted to kill her. He had watched her back while on a dangerous task set out by his mother. Most importantly, he’d watched out for her family.

In turn he’d suffered for it – he’d been stabbed – however didn’t despise any of them for it didn’t hold it against them. He felt guilty for his mother’s actions and Riza respected that he wanted to make it up to them.

So yeah, she found herself missing even his company.

Unfortunately, Riza wasn’t sure if that was just the loneliness talking or not. She chuckled to herself, muttering about how desperate she was getting nowadays now that she was missing him.

Riza weaved her way through the crowd, always keeping Kimblee to her right. He was situated at the bottom of the stairs in an incredibly expensive looking suit, his hair pulled and slicked back into his ponytail. A few men she passed by appeared to do a double take when they saw her and Riza begun to fear they recognised her face. That wouldn’t be good if they did. While on her own, that would be really bad. She was incredibly outnumbered here.

For a split second she lost sight of him and Riza faltered, turning in place to try and spot him again –

Only to catch his eye across the room.

Kimblee’s eyes bore into Riza’s.

Shit.

She needed to leave. Now.

Riza angled her head slightly so that only her profile was on show to Kimblee. Calmly, she shifted her arm so that her hands were close to the knives concealed on her forearms, hidden under the sleeves of her dress. She didn’t miss how his brow furrowed before she turned, obviously recognising her but couldn’t place her face.

This really wasn’t good.

She turned fully, her back to Kimblee and she walked away, acting nonchalant and as if nothing was amiss. She continued on her walk, still peering around the room as if looking for someone.

She needed to go.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Riza froze in her tracks. Her spine straightened as dread climbed up it, spreading across her scalp and lifting gooseflesh from her skin.

Shit.

She turned, seeing Kimblee’s eyes boring into hers once more.

“Good evening, sir,” she greeted, plastering a fake smile on her face. She ensured her voice was harsher than it had been before in the inn. It wouldn’t do much, however it might just throw him off enough that she could get away. It had a harder quality to it than before, self-assured and strong. She put on an Eastern accent, sounding more country than she was.

“I do apologise for my boldness, however, I feel we have met somewhere before.”

Riza cocked her head, pretending to think back to a time when she may have seen him in the past. “I don’t know, Mr. Kimblee. I don’t think we have had the pleasure of meeting before now.” She grinned at him, placing her hands on her hips.

“I feel like we have,” he pressed with a chuckle, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly.

Testing to see if she could keep up a charade? Or, not believing her in the slightest?

“I’m sure I would have remembered meeting you Mr. Kimblee. I apologise, but you might be confusing me with someone else.”

“No, I don’t think I am.” His smile dropped and his gaze hardened. Riza cocked her head in confusion, despite feeling fear and dread coil in her gut.

“I –”

“There you are,” someone said from behind Riza. Their tone made it sound like they’d been searching for her for a while. She turned in surprise, coming face to face with Mustang. He grinned at her, placing a hand on her shoulder before turning his smile towards Kimblee.

“My apologies, Mr. Kimblee,” Roy offered, giving her shoulder a squeeze. Recovering from her shock, her fake smile returned to her face and she turned to look at Kimblee once more. He was looking between them both, his brow furrowed in confusion. “But I must steal my wife away from you for one moment.”

Wife?

Roy chuckled, moving to wrap his arm around her shoulders instead. “I’ve been looking for you all evening,” he stated, turning his gaze towards Riza. There was a meaningful look in his eyes, telling Riza that he really meant what he said, but not in the context that Kimblee was aware of.

“You better keep your eye on that one, Mr. Mustang.” Riza couldn’t help but bristle at his words. “She appears to be a wanderer. Who knows what trouble she would get into by herself.”

Riza smiled at him, acting oblivious despite the sharp look Kimblee gave her.

Shit. He might know who she was.

“Believe me, Mr. Kimblee,” Roy chuckled. “I would never let her go.”

“He’s such a hopeless romantic,” Riza cut in, jerking her head towards her “husband”.

“The only trouble she’ll get into unattended is running up a debt in my name. She does love her dresses,” he added, shaking his head and rolling his eyes fondly towards Kimblee. “Anyway, we must be going, dear.” He squeezed her shoulder with his hand again. “It was a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Kimblee.”

“Likewise, Mr. Mustang.” Kimblee’s tone suggested it was anything but a pleasure.

Riza offered her own goodbye and allowed Roy to guide her in a certain direction. To be honest, anywhere was better than in Kimblee’s company.

One thing she noticed was that his arm never left her shoulders.

An act. It was all an act. But why did she enjoy the feeling of his arm around her shoulders so much? Why was she so relieved and happy to see him again?

It was the loneliness. It was the isolation. That’s all it was, right? Nothing more.

“What are you doing here?” Riza hissed out of the corner of her mouth while smiling at passing guests. While she felt relieved that he was here, but the whole point was that she’d left to protect them all.

“You’re a difficult woman to track down, Miss Riza.” He steered her towards the bar, both hands moving to her shoulders, moving her in front of him, while he whispered in her ear. “What would you like to drink?”

Nothing. She wanted answers.

“Mustang.”

“What will it be, sir?” the bartender asked him. He looked expectantly at Riza, but she said nothing. She just glared at him, wanting an answer.

“Two martinis, please.”

“Coming right up.”

“Mustang –”

“Not here,” he murmured, leaning in close and offering her a soft smile, playing the part of her “husband”. “I’ll explain everything once outside,” he murmured.

Riza set her jaw, not happy at his answer, but also trying to suppress the shiver that spread up her spine as his breath caressed the skin of her ear.

“Kimblee is watching us,” he stated. “Closely.” Sure enough, as Riza casually cast her gaze around the room, there he was, standing by the staircase as he looked over towards her and Mustang. Her gaze continued onwards, nodding and turning back to Mustang, with a smile. She acted as if she’d been looking for something he pointed out, and was agreeing with him, her fake smile back on her face.

“We need to go,” Riza whispered. With Kimblee here and surrounded by all his men, they weren’t safe.

“I agree, but we can’t just run after talking to him.” He downed his cocktail and Riza followed suit.

An idea sprung into her mind. It made her stomach tighten in uncertainty, but it might just work.

“Follow my lead.”

She tugged him onto the dancefloor, adopting the persona she used when on a lift. It was the mask she used while trying to wrap her targets around her finger, to stop them from noticing that she was trying to rob them. Riza batted her eyelashes at him with a soft smile, tugging his body towards hers. Surprised, Mustang caught himself before crashing into her, but his body was now pressed up against hers. Riza suppressed her gasp of surprise at the sensation. His hand enveloped hers tightly, instinctively bringing his other to her waist. The fingers against her waist momentarily made her lose her concentration, but she blocked it out. Forced herself to.

Adopt the mask. Adopt the character.

She had to, or she would be dead.

They danced close to one another. Mustang pulled her closer at some point during the song, and Riza automatically moved her head to his shoulder.

Just a character. Just a character –

“He’s coming this way,” Roy murmured quietly. She felt the vibration of his voice under her ear. “Shit.”

Riza pulled back quickly, earning a surprised look from Mustang. Those dark eyes stared back into hers, mild concern on his face, as well as a hint of fear. He didn’t know what to do. His hold on her tightened as Kimblee headed towards them.

She continued on with her act and did the only thing that could cause a reason for them leaving.

She kissed him.

[xathia-89]

A Childhood Friend

AN: I’m back! It’s been a week thanks to my husband sharing his germs as I was getting out of my pain flare up. But I’m back. 

No warnings for once. Please enjoy. 

Mai was feeling on edge. One of Masamune’s friends was coming to stay, and the castle had been in a hype over it since word had been confirmed that ‘they’ had left.  Naturally, any Lord of the era would never be attending alone, they had their vassals and staff as Masamune had left that morning to go out and greet them.

“If you clean that floor any more then it will need replacing,” Hideyoshi frowned and offered a hand out to the Chatelaine. “There’s nothing to be worried about, and I’m certain you will both get on brilliantly. You’ll be wondering what you were so worried about after-”

“Lord Hideyoshi!” A joyous call from the staff. “Lord Masamune has been spotted entering the town!”

The man patted Mai on the head. “Just be yourself,” he smiled in that familiar and brotherly manner before departing and leaving the Chatelaine with her own self-conscious thoughts. It was unspoken that it would be a slight on the name as an Oda Princess if she wasn’t present when this new friend made their entrance.

Mai could feel her eyes bogging out. She had been prepared for any kind of man, but not a female friend as Masamune was in fine form and making gestures to the noblewoman in her protected carriage. She was frozen in shock as Nobunaga was chortling to himself at the scene between his ally and friend.

“He didn’t tell you that it was Lady Chiasa?” Hideyoshi had the expression that he had been smacked by a wet fish at the Chatelaine’s appearance.

“No,” Mai squeaked, a blush forming as the One-Eyed Dragon galloped up to the welcoming committee and then swept up the love of his life for an affectionate kiss.

“She is a cute one, are you sure she keeps up with you?” Chiasa sounded everything like a noblewoman of the era should, though the teasing glimmer in her eye gave away her true position. Her head was slightly tilted to the side, her face caked in makeup as Mai was when she was paraded in front of traders and important visitors and wearing the most exquisite silks from Oshu as well. Mai felt as though she was incredibly undressed for such an introduction before Hideyoshi was already assisting the graceful woman out of the carriage.

The Chatelaine was being all consumed by doubt in the light of this beautiful woman appearing in the castle. She was sat in Masamune’s arms, though the warlord was chatting animatedly instead with all of her escorts.

“You can all go back to Oshu now,” Lady Chiasa bowed slightly, all flowers and grace where Mai was feeling as though she was the commoner amongst the aristocracy. Her servants were instantly flocking to her, voicing their concerns until a smile cut them off instantly. “The agreement was that as soon as I was in Lord Masamune’s care, then I wouldn’t need any additional assistance. You all have jobs back in Oshu, and you are all to return to them. Word will be sent when I am to return appropriately,” her smile was covering over a deadly threat, and the presence of three male warlords frowning in the background most likely provided additional assistance.

It was all forced silence as the final checks were made that everything had been unloaded before Hideyoshi was even getting anxious and trying to urge the staff to leave.

Mai was more surprised when the staff had all left without further ado.

“Thank you!” Lady Chiasa had apparently forgotten her stance and blew out air from her cheeks. “I thought they were never going to leave and I’d have to act like this the time time,” she laughed. “Please let me go and get washed and changed so I can breathe and move about,” her smile was infectious as Nobunaga gestured to Hideyoshi to take her to the guest quarters.

“Surprised, lass?” Masamune was grinning broadly down at his lover secure in his arms whilst they were still on the horse.

“You could have told me that it was a woman and not a man!” Mai huffed, pouting and folding her arms as she turned away from Masamune in protest.

“Then we would have needed to replace all the floors and walls from your cleaning,” he chuckled, kissing the top of her head before moving to dismount himself and secure Mai’s alightment. “Chiasa has been having some incessant problems led by her father back in Oshu since I’m here in Azuchi, so I invited her down for what I claimed to be an extension of her education on being a noblewoman. But she just needs some fresh air to be herself. I knew you two would get on well anyway, but I had the feeling you would build the picture up in your head before she arrived and remove all the chances of getting to know her properly,” he didn’t give Mai a chance before lifting her off the horse. His hands were resting on her waist as a kiss brushed her forehead. “Chiasa may not be from your time period, but I get the feeling that she would fit in perfectly with her attitude,” he chuckled and then turned them back towards the castle.  

The maids were as flustered as Mai had felt when it was clear that it was a Lady and not a Lord visiting. The quarters that had been set up were utterly inappropriate according to the staff, though the musical laughter was turning heads throughout the grounds. Kojuro, one of Masamune’s vassals, was as confounded as most since he was apparently one of the focuses of Chiasa’s teasings.

Masamune’s grin was all-knowing as he caught the eye of his friend, and if it hadn’t been for all her makeup, then he was confident that she would be blushing bright red. Luckily for Chiasa, a maid rushed up to her and explained that a room had been set up next to Lady Mai’s for her, and the visiting woman merely smiled at Mai after locking eyes with her. That smile was the same that she would get from Masamune when he was up to something as the feeling of her workload doubling seemed to loom over her shoulders.

“Cheer up lass, Chiasa isn’t stuck up like some people,” he grinned, patting his lover on the shoulder before being distracted by his now embarrassed vassal who was begging for some privacy in the form of an urgent meeting. A brief kiss to Mai’s cheek was her only warning as the warlord strolled off with the other man.

The staff had always been used to the open affections of the couple, but it seemed to catch Chiasa’s eye just before the visitor left in the wake of the castle staff members. She looked shocked, and Mai believed that she saw a level of hurt on her face as the guilt began to eat at her. She would need to try and tone it down between her and Masamune during this visit as she hurried off to the seamstresses to pick up as much work as possible to keep herself occupied.

***

Masamune was more surprised at the lack of interaction between the two women than anything. Chiasa was in her informal kimonos, though she still oozed her natural noble class stature even if she had been dressed in the cheapest of fabrics, but Mai was getting increasingly difficult to pin down outside of the bedroom. Her evasiveness was equal to that of any of the ninjas, and he was starting to get suspicious.

“Mai?” He automatically asked at the sound of a knock on his door, and then his face dropped as Chiasa showed.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she didn’t mean a word of it, breezing in and taking a seat opposite the man’s desk before checking the teapot. “Do you want a fresh pot making or would you rather I left you alone?”

“You never mince your words,” he chuckled.

“Don’t try and push me away, I know you too well,” Chiasa frowned, her loose and soft black curls swishing against the fabric. “She’s evading us both, and you’re missing her to the point you’re willing to push me away if it means she comes back,” she plainly stated, already heating a fresh pot of water for the tea. Her bright blue eyes were piercing and saw through his front before she glanced back down to ensure that enough leaves had been added. It was a collective silence between them.

“I think I upset her a little by not mentioning that you were a Lady and not a Lord,” the Dragon finally broke the stillness, not that he could bring himself to look up at Chiasa.

“That’s a stupid mistake, and judging from the manner in which the staff reacted then clearly no one knew it was me visiting,” she scoffed.

“Who was your father trying to push you off to this time?” Masamune was desperate to take the heat off himself.

“Some minor Lord who wanted a pretty face,” the woman rolled her eyes, their voices covering the sound of footsteps that had stopped outside the door. “You need to address him, I don’t trust him, and I think this Lord was under Kenshin Uesugi,” she paused, and a loud sigh escaped. “I hate playing the pretty role.”

Mai smiled as she could hear the pout on Chiasa’s face.

“Have you even managed a conversation with Kojuro yet?” Masamune was back on form, giving a teasing jab.

“How dare you!” Her laughter was light and carefree. “I’m surprised my father was trying to get us married in reality, though news of your current affections have even reached Oshu. The One-Eyed Dragon tamed by an Oda Princess.”

“She really is something,” the admiration and love was overflowing as the sound of Chiasa faking sick noises filtered out into the corridor.

“I never thought I would see the day that you were actually infatuated with anyone,” the woman had a soft tone in her voice after the laughter had died down. “I’m glad for you.”

“Are you coming in yet lass, or are you going to stay out in the corridor?” Masamune caught both women off guard, as a Mai dropped the tray of snacks she was carrying.

The warlord was too busy laughing to be of any assistance, while Chiasa had the door flung open and was helping the now embarrassed Chatelaine to put everything back on the tray.

“Don’t mind him, he never had any manners,” Chiasa smiled as the girls stood back up. “He was dragged up, I am almost certain of it,” she teased, retaking her seat before making a start on pouring out three cups of tea.

“You need to make it four,” Masamune had something up his sleeve, as Mai watched the pair closely. The suspicion was written all over Chiasa’s face before another knock at the door had both women curious.

“Lord Masamune,” Kojuro was one of the oldest retainers that the One-Eyed Dragon had, and was reportedly something of a big brother to the warlord when they had been younger. It was impossible to miss the currently besotted expression on the visiting female, though the men in this period were oblivious to most things Mai had learned so far since her arrival. He had stacks of parchments in his hand and was frozen in the doorway. “Oh, I apologise, you have guests-”

“Which I did invite you to attend and have tea with us,” Masamune had more than a little plan up his sleeve as he gestured to Mai to make sure that Kojuro came in.

Chiasa was pouring out the fourth tea, a blush on her face which she was trying to hide as she was focused on the pretence of a ceremony. Mai immediately busied herself with the tray of food and suddenly understanding what her other half had actually been up to that morning when he had pinned her to the futon with the instructions he did. She knew that he was worried that she wasn’t bonding with Chiasa as he had anticipated, but seeing how the visitor to Azuchi was acting around Kojuro, then Mai realised her mistake in the longing from Chiasa’s glance on her first day. Kojuro had been at Azuchi for as long as Masamune had, and by all appearances had been doing his best to avoid the woman.

“Lady Chiasa-” Kojuro started.

“If you could drop the Lady title then I would appreciate it,” Chiasa had no pretences, especially in front of Masamune, sliding the tea to everyone present without looking up.

A stifled mumble of shock was registered coming from the vassal, who was now appearing, by all means, to be shocked at her lack of noble behaviour.

“She did grow up around us both,” Masamune reminded the older man. “And if I remember correctly then it was Chiasa who you would spend your hours chasing through the halls rather than me,” he grinned wickedly as Mai recognised that he was teasing and baiting the retainer. Chiasa was the air of refinement at this point, ignoring what the Date leader was purposefully doing as she picked up one of the rice balls that Mai had spent the morning preparing. “Especially when we took to stealing any hamakas for her to wear instead of those silly kimonos that she couldn’t climb trees in.”

A smile broke the illusion that Chiasa wasn’t listening, and her bright eyes locked onto a currently blushing Kojuro. He didn’t know where to look, his green eyes trying to pick something out to distract the rest of the party before a laugh focused all the attention on Chiasa.

“Even after all this time you really haven’t changed,” her hand was covering her mouth, though it was impossible to miss the joy on her face. “You should be used to Masamune by now after all these years,” she gently teased the retainer before pushing the cooling tea towards him a little more. “He does it on purpose because you’re an easy target.”

“You two should respect your elders,” Mai couldn’t help but join in with the laughter as Kojuro finally managed a response. The tension in the room had disappeared now as she began to soak up the atmosphere amongst the three old friends, countless pots of tea to make and it was even exchanged for sake as the darkness crept in.

“I told you he still couldn’t handle it,” Kojuro was attempting to scold a slightly tipsy Chiasa. It was completely pointless as it was water off a duck’s back since she merely stood up and offered a smile in general to the two conscious individuals.

“I know, but he needed a reminder about shutting up on occasions,” Chiasa laughed, and then turned to leave.

“Are you leaving on your own?” Kojuro had already turned into the protective mode that the younger pair had teased him about. “It’s dark out-”

“And I still have all those years of your defence training to hand. It would almost be a shame to not use them on Mitsuhide who is lurking in the corridor with the intention of scaring us all,” Chiasa’s voice carried, and then the door slid open to reveal a defeated vassal to Nobunaga. The woman made the most surprising move of all, kissing Mitsuhide on the cheek before breezing past and away towards the castle.

The room had for all appearances frozen in time. Mitsuhide wasn’t moving from the doorway, as Kojuro was staring at the vassal in disbelief, then a snore from Masamune broke it.

Both men flew off down the corridor to make sure that Chiasa got back to the castle fine, one under orders from Nobunaga to ensure the safety of a guest as the other was just maybe realising his true emotions. Mai sighed and shook her head, before turning back at the sight of her lover passed out over the cushions. She didn’t have the strength to move him as the Chatelaine left to gather some spare blankets to ensure that he didn’t catch a cold at the very least.

[zennyshoneybunch]

Mysme Beach Resort AU

Pairing: Zen & OC

A/N: Meet my new fic: A Dirty Dancing inspired story that revolves around the man who’s gorgeous face will make you weep, the man that God created by mistake, the man that sweeps you off your feet and, like a thief in the night, steels your heart when you least expect. The sweetest man you’ll ever meet: our very own Zen, The Knight.

So, this is basically an excuse for me to imagine Zen dancing ballroom dances and using swimwear at the beach. Can’t blame me for that!

I plan it to be a short fic, filled with fluff and music, centered, like I said, on Zen, although the rest of the guys may join here and there. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and please remember that comments, likes and reblogs are always welcome. <3

Chapter 1 - Welcome to Paradise

The landing wheels hit the ground and once again Ella felt the dread in the pit of her stomach.

All through the long flight, she had been fighting with herself; one minute feeling foolish for going through with the trip, and the other feeling excited about spending some time alone, away from everyone she knows. Especially everyone who knows him.

Going alone on a lavishing vacation, that was supposed to be a romantic getaway for them, was embarrassing. Everywhere she looked, inside the plane, she saw couples, which was why the dread was winning her internal argument.

As soon as she set foot out of the airport, she was greeted by the afternoon sun. The weather was hot and humid, in an almost suffocating way, but she didn’t mind it much. Without much trouble, she found the shuttle that would take her to the Hotel and settled inside.

Once again, she noticed all the couples around her. Apart from herself and a beautiful red haired girl, the shuttle was filled with lovey-dovey looking couples. She let out a sigh and made herself comfortable, hoping for a rapid trip.

*

The shuffle came to a slow stop in front of the Hotel. ‘Paradise Resort Hotel’ was written on top of the modern looking arcades that gave way to the glass doors, in a sophisticated calligraphy. Tall trees, and all kinds of tropical flowers and foliage, flanked it, as if the Hotel was the only piece of civilization in the middle of a fairytale forest.

She stepped out of the vehicle in awe. It looked even better than she expected, from the pamphlets she saw. A brunette girl with short hair and glasses greeted them, handing everyone a small piece of paper.

- Hello and welcome to the Paradise Resort Hotel. My name is Jaehee and I will be your concierge. Please make sure you locate your luggage and write its number in this ticket, before heading to the reception. Our bellboys will make sure your luggage is taken care of.

She followed Jaehee’s eyes to where a young blond guy, with big purple eyes, was standing and numbering the luggages. Their eyes met and the blond smiled at her. He had a kind and sweet smile.

After following Jaehee’s instructions, and getting through with the check-in, she was sent into a little golf cart, where an hotel employee drove her to her room.

The inside of the resort was as green as the outside, like one big garden. It was a lovely sight that made her feel a little bit happier for being there.

As they passed around the main pool, she noticed a big commotion. There was a lively music playing, while a tall man with long silver hair was at the edge, dancing and talking to the group of women inside the pool. Hydrogymnastics classes. They sure were popular, given the great number of women concentrated by the edge where the man was. They almost couldn’t move, which was a little weird in such a big pool.

She looked at the pamphlet in her hand, and realized she had to hurry and dine if she wanted to attend the ‘Special Paradise Welcoming’. Whatever that was.

*

The welcoming took place in the large terrace by the reception, after sunset. The Hotel’s manager, Jumin Han, a tall and handsome man with very dark hair and a serious demeanor, made a small presentation of the facilities and introduced the staff. Besides Jaehee, the consierge, there was also the tour guide, a handsome guy with beautiful mint hair and a kind smile named Jihyun, and the security team consisting of a fit brunette man and a shorter red haired one with glasses. The latter had a friendly, and a bit goofy, smile while the former remained dead serious the whole time.

- And now, please allow me to introduce our entertainment team. Dance classes are available with each of them. If it is your desire to do so, please request them at the reception, with Jaehee.

The girl she had met before nodded and a group of men and women, all very properly dressed in suits and evening dresses, stepped forward.

Ella perked her ears. Dance lessons could be a nice way to spend her lonely time. She lifted her heels, trying to keep her weight on her toes so she could take a better look at the dancers, when a pair of light minty-green eyes covered her vision. A waiter, dressed in an all black barman outfit, that greatly contrasted with his white hair with pink tips, stopped in front of her with a tray of colorful cocktail drinks in his hand. He didn’t smile, nor did he utter a word.

- To finish our welcoming, they prepared a little dance display for your entertainment. It is our wish that you all enjoy yourselves, here at the Paradise Resort Hotel. Thank you all for choosing us. Good evening.

Not wanting to miss the dance, she randomly picked a pink drink from the tray, thanking the waiter and peering over his shoulder to where the dancers were.

The man moved away right when the song started to play, and with him so did the group of people in front of her, giving her full view of the group, already in their places.

They moved in perfect sync with the rhythm that was playing.

“La gente anda diciendo por alli, que tu quisieras acercarte a mi.”

In the middle of the pairs, there was one that stood out. The girl had very long brown hair and big light eyes, but her eyes were not the only huge pair she had. Every male guest around had their attentions set on her chest area.

“No me dejes solo com mi corazon, que esta enloquecido con esta pasión.”

On the other hand, every female had their hearty eyes set on her partner, a tall and elegant man, who moved both gracefully and sensually at the rhythm of the music, with its long silver hair tied in a low ponytail. She recognized it immediately. He was the same guy she saw by the pool when she was heading to her room. The popular one. And now she understood why, he was possibly the most gorgeous man she had ever seen in her life.

“Ay dimelo, ven dimelo, porque por tu amor estoy muriendo yo.”

Suddenly the rhythm changed into a hip-hop style. The male dancers discarded their coats and ties, unbuttoning the first few buttons on their shirts, while the female ripped their long skirts, revealing tight short shorts or frilly mini-skirts.

“Dimelo, dimelo, dimelo. Dimelo, dimelo, dimelo. You got them hips like Shakira,smile like Camila. Got me feeling Latino.”

In a flash, their dance changed from ballroom dance to street dance. The guys started breakdancing and doing back flips, while the girls moved in a more sensual way, shaking their hips. Some of the guys used their neckties as a bandana and it looked like they were just having fun together instead of performing.

“I grab your hand, we start to step. We salsa dance and move correct.”

Subconsciously, Ella’s eyes drifted to the beautiful man with silver hair. He looked incredibly sexy performing in his black pants and white, half unbuttoned, shirt. A black, and satiny looking, waist belt was tightly bond above his slender hips; his long hair swaying with each confident movement. He was truly breathtaking.

“The way you move, the way you groove, makes me wanna get close to you.”

For a brief second their eyes met, before she hurriedly averted hers. Was she gawking like everyone else? Well, the guy was probably more than used to it, with those looks, he had to know how hot he was. The girls around surely were not discreet about it.

By the corner of her eye she saw the chesty girl approach the silver hottie and, while the other members kept their separe dances - jumping, doing handstands and backflips - they joined together in a very fast salsa-like dance.

Those two were, most likely, the main dancers of the group. The way they danced together was amazing, like they were completely at sinc. They sure made a great couple.

“The way you move, the way you groove, makes me wanna get close to you. I had to Whatsapp my amigos, she moving like she from Puerto Rico.”

Suddenly the music changed again, to the same one that was playing before.

“Oh, no me dejes solo con mi corazón, que esta enloquecido con esta pasión. Si es que me deseas, nena, dimelo, porque por tu amor estoy muriendo yo.”

They all scattered around, looking into the crowd and inviting the guests to dance. Ella was watching with a smile as a young, blushing, girl stepped forward with one of the male dancers, when a big hand, with long and lean fingers, was extended to her.

Slowly, she lifted her gaze to the pair of ruby eyes in front of her. The smile that grew in his eyes matched the one on his lips, and her heart started racing with embarrassment, sending the blood rushing to her face.

“Si yo pudiera acariciar tu piel. Tu cuerpo entero quiero conocer.”

Saying she didn’t know how to dance was an understatement and she was well aware of that fact. And she was definitely not interested in making a fool out of herself in front of everyone.

Ripping her eyes from his hypnotizing ones, she bowed her head.

- Sorry.

Her apology was almost inaudible, as she retreated back into the crowd, not once looking back at the man. She all but ran away from the terrace, heading for her room.

“Ay dimelo, ven dimelo. Porque por tu amor estoy muriendo yo.”

*

She turned around and faced the clock on the nightstand. 3 am already, but no matter what she did she couldn’t sleep. It was probably the jetlag the cause of her insomnia, not the continuous thoughts about her good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend.

She let out a sigh. It was not like she had slept well in the plain. Her body was tired and hurting and the bed was comfortable and soft. Yet, sleep didn’t come.

Looking at the empty space beside her, she noticed for the first time how big the bed was - much bigger than the one she had at home - and it was all hers for the next 11 days. All that empty space...

In a swift movement she pushed the sheets away.

- It’s too hot. That’s why I can’t sleep.

She put on some clothes and headed out to get some fresh air, forcing her mind to ignore the obvious fact that the room had the ac on and was, in fact, cooler inside than out.

*

Music: Dimelo by Marc Anthony & Dimelo by Rak Su

[starfast]

Cross the Kingdom- Chapter 2

“The King’s Party”

Word Count: 5046

Read on Wattpad: Link

More about this project: Intro Post | Other Info

Prince Kit had been eagerly anticipating the night of his father’s birthday for months now. In fact, he could say with complete certainty that he was more excited than his father was. The party hadn’t been his father’s idea, but rather the idea of some of his father’s closest advisors. They had talked him into it by saying that it would be a great opportunity for some publicity, but if Kit’s father had his way, then they wouldn’t be having a party at all. These kinds of celebrations were often called for, but seldom did his father seem to actually enjoy them.

Kit had noticed his father growing steadily more anxious as his birthday drew nearer and nearer. By the time the morning of the party came, Kit had barely seen his father at all, though this hardly came as a surprise to him. It was typical behaviour from the king, but that hadn’t stopped the castle staff from relentlessly fussing over him anyways. Kit didn’t see why the staff had only decided to check in with his father now when he’d been openly dreading the party for weeks. In any case, Kit was just glad to have a day where he didn’t have to worry about all his regular duties as the crown prince. For the most part, at least. Kit had been to enough events to know that there was no such thing as taking a break from his duties. He had a big reputation to uphold, and he’d never want to be the one to slip up and put his entire family to shame. Still, he was determined to enjoy the party as much as he could. Someone had to since his father seemed to have prematurely decided that he would not be having a good time. Kit figured he would take that upon himself, and enjoy the party as much as possible before he went back to his regular daily life. The castle staff had worked tirelessly as they prepared for the night. It would be a shame to see their efforts go unappreciated. At the very least, Kit owed it to Katrina to be a good host.

It was only a few months ago that Kit’s parents had told him that he was to marry Katrina. Kit didn’t really love the idea of an arranged marriage but it was something that he knew was inevitable, so he’d never tried to find a way to get out of it. Surely, it couldn’t be so bad. After all, his parents had an arranged marriage and they got along just fine. The fact that he was to marry Katrina made the whole thing less intimidating. It hadn’t even been all that surprising to him when his parents finally revealed to him that he was to marry her. They were already somewhat close, which in the eyes of his father, made Katrina an ideal bride for Kit.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt, Kit,” his father had told him, “I need someone who won’t try to run away or hurt you if something were to happen.” In the context of the conversation, Kit knew that the “something” his father was referring to was Kit’s powers. His father always talked about his powers in hushed tones as if he were constantly worried about someone overhearing him. Even though they had been alone at the time, his father still felt it necessary not to directly mention his powers.

His father had wrapped up the news with, “But with all that said, I still think that Katrina is a wonderful and competent young woman who will make a great queen.”

The party had already been going for several hours by the time the dancing began. Kit had attended several balls, but this time he had secretly been dreading it. His father had mentioned to him the night before that tonight would be different since it would be the first time he would be dancing with Katrina as his future wife.

“You’ll be expected to dance with her, Kit,” his father said the night before, “You two will be representing the future of Toltova tomorrow, so I do hope that things go smoothly for you.

“Of course they will,” Kit had replied confidently, even though his father’s words had cast some doubt into him. It wouldn’t even be the first time that he would have to dance with Katrina. Still, he was somewhat intimidated by having such high expectations placed on him.

He had mentioned this to his father, who replied with, “Well, I suggest you get used to it, Kit.”

Now, his big moment was finally drawing nearer. His parents stepped out onto the marble tiles of the ballroom and the quartet of musicians began playing a slow and steady waltz. Kit couldn’t help but smile as he watched alongside many other guests as his parents led the dance. His father had accidentally let it slip to him once that he didn’t particularly care for ballroom dancing, but Kit would have never picked up on that from watching him. Both his mother and his father looked perfectly elegant as they glided effortlessly across the dancefloor.

As the King and Queen made their way towards where Kit stood next to Katrina, Kit locked eyes with his father. It had been unintentional, but his father had used it as a window of opportunity. The King nodded very slightly towards the empty dance floor as he moved past Kit, telling him that it was time for some other people join in.

Kit turned to Katrina, holding out his white gloved hand. “May I have this dance?”

She smiled, gently taking a hold of his hand. “Of course.” With that, they made their way out on the dance floor.

Once they were out on the dance floor, it was as if everyone else in the room simply disappeared. He barely aware of the other dancers or any other staff and fellow party goers alike who happened to be watching. He had blocked them out almost completely, focussing solely on Katrina, who looked absolutely stunning tonight in her emerald gown and her blonde hair done up in an elaborate braided bun.

Kit continued to lead Katrina across the ballroom floor, one light and elegant step at a time. It had really been no different from the last time they had danced together. The extra pressure that had been put on him by his father the night before had completely dissipated.

“That was wonderful,” Kit said softly as the first song came to a close, “You’re an incredible dancer, you know.”

“As are you,” Katrina responded.

Kit smiled, but before he could form a proper response, the musicians began the next song. He placed his hand on her shoulder and they began to dance once again. They carried on waltzing alongside other couples, occasionally exchanging a few words as they went.

After another three dances, the pair mutually decided to take a small break. Kit led her away from the dance floor and out to the castle gardens. He was grateful to be wearing a long sleeved coat on such a chilly night. Even with his jacket, he could still feel the cold biting through his clothing. He looked at Katrina, her dress sleeves only coming to her elbow.

“Are you warm enough?” He asked.

“I’ll be fine,” she said.

“Are you sure? We could go somewhere else if you want.”

“No that’s ok, but thank you.” Katrina looked up at the night sky and added, “It’s a lovely night tonight.”

“It is, isn’t it,” Kit replied. Despite the fact that it was the middle of the fall, the sun had been shining all day. Now that it had set, the sky had filled with millions of stars twinkling against the dark sky. Saying that it was a lovely night was almost an understatement.

They walked along the garden path, with neatly manicured hedges surrounding them on either side. During the summer, there were flowers of almost every colour imaginable. Now that the summer was over there weren’t any flowers left. Instead, they were replaced by the colourful autumn leaves that ranged from a deep red to vibrant yellow and every shade in between.

Kit finally stopped next to the ornate balustrade, which marked the end of the upper gardens. There were two small staircases that led down to the lower gardens. In between them was a water feature-- a three tiered man made waterfall decorated with intricate carvings and sculptures. Kit stood there for a moment, studying the detail in the nearest sculpture of an eagle with its wings outstretched-- the symbol of the Marwing house. He had seen the sculpture countless times before, but he had never taken the time to appreciate the sculptor’s impeccable attention to detail. Kit wondered how long it had taken to carve each individual feather, or the impossibly sharp talons.

“I hope you’re having a good time tonight,” Kit said quickly. It wasn’t really how he wanted to start a conversation, but he had spent too much time admiring the sculptures and he figured he should say something.

“I am,” Katrina replied.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, “You know, I was a bit nervous for tonight.”

“Really,” Katrina said, “Why? It’s nothing we haven’t done before.”

Kit shrugged. “My father was just making such a big deal about everything,” he explained, “He told me that we would be representing the future of this kingdom tonight, and people would be seeing us as the future King and Queen, probably for the first time. He just didn’t want us to make fools of ourselves, I suppose.” He smiled, then quickly added, “Not that I think we would have, but I felt like I could have done without that little speech.”

Katrina laughed. “He’s an interesting man, your father.”

Kit nodded. Interesting was one way to put it. In Galtia, most people showed a lot of respect towards the monarchy and tended to sing their praises, no matter what. King Matthew was no exception to that, but beyond Galtia Kit knew that opinions were fairly divided. Even within the castle, Kit had caught the staff questioning the King’s actions behind his back on more than one occasion.

“He certainly is,” Kit agreed, “Although, I think…” his voice trailed off as he noticed someone walking out across the garden path towards them. As the figure drew nearer, Kit recognized that was his Uncle Alexander. “What on earth is he doing here?” Kit murmured to no one in particular.

“Good evening, Kit,” His uncle said pleasantly when he approached him.

“Good evening, Uncle,” Kit replied with the slightest edge of uncertainty in his voice, “Can I help you with something?” Technically, Alexander was allowed to be here, though Kit had always known his uncle to be more frivolous than his father. Alexander certainly enjoyed the luxurious palace lifestyle that he lived, and it was at large events like the King’s party where he seemed to thrive. Which was why it was strange to Kit that he wasn’t back in the palace enjoying the celebration.

“I apologize for interrupting,” Alexander said, “But I was wondering if I could speak to you for just a moment?”

Kit frowned. “Can it not wait?”

“I won’t be long,” Alexander said, “There’s just something I’d like to discuss with you.”

Kit let out an exasperated sigh. “This really isn’t a good time. Please, whatever it is, can we discuss it later?”

“Just come with me Kit,” Alexander demanded, “We won’t be long.”

Kit gave Katrina an apologetic look. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m not sure what this is about.” He turned to his Uncle and said, “I’m giving you sixty seconds. After that, you get out of here and I’ll let my father know about this, because I can already tell that he doesn’t.”

“Fine,” Alexander said, “Sixty seconds.”

Kit rolled his eyes as he followed his uncle away from the fountain. Alexander led him towards a large cedar bush which was far enough away that Katrina would be out of earshot. The party was still going on inside, so it was unlikely that anyone other than Katrina would know that they were even there. But they’d only be sixty seconds, hopefully even less.

“Since you haven’t given me a lot of time,” Alexander said, “I’m just going to cut to the chase. I know about your powers.”

Kit tried to keep his expression neutral, but the words immediately made him feel sick to his stomach. Of all the people to find out, it had to be Alexander. He tugged at the button on the cuff of his sleeve, trying to ignore the way his heart was pounding against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Kit said, feigning confusion, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Yes you do,” Alexander replied, “I’m not stupid Kit. I know about your headaches.”

“Then you know that they’re only headaches,” Kit said, shrugging. “I’m sorry,” he said as he tried to walk away, “But I think you may be--”

Alexander grabbed him and pointed a knife at Kit’s throat. Kit could feel the cold metal tip poking into his skin, not enough to draw blood but enough to make the threat very clear.

“I’ve seen you when you think you’re alone,” Alexander said through a clenched jaw, “Making things move without even touching them. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean.”

“I--I don’t,” Kit whimpered, “Please, let me go!”

“I’ll make you an offer,” Alexander said, “I want your crown, Kit.”

“Are you insane?” Kit exclaimed, “I can’t just give that to you!”

“You could if we staged a little accident.”

“Never. Besides, what good would it be to you? My father would still be King.” Kit folded his arms across his chest. “That’s what you really want, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry about your father,” Alexander said wryly, “I’ll deal with him later. But I’ll need you out of the way first.”

“You want to kill us,” Kit shouted in disbelief. Although, it really wasn’t all that surprising. The rivalry between Matthew and Alexander went back to when the two were still children. It was almost more surprising that Alexander hadn’t tried to pull this kind of stunt earlier.

“No, not exactly,” Alexander said, “I thought I might give you the option of faking your own death and starting a new life somewhere else under a new identity.”

Kit gave a slight shake of his head. Even if he did want to entertain the idea, it would never work. He was the crown prince of Toltova. People would recognize him, regardless of who he said he was. And he could never leave his family. The thought of his parents mourning his apparent death while he was actually alive and well was unbearable. “I would never,” he declared.

“Well,” Alexander said, “I guess we’ll just have to start telling people about your little secret.”

“You’re going to blackmail me?” Kit gasped.

“I wouldn’t call it that per se,” Alexander said coolly.

“Then what would you call it?”

“You could say that I’m just coercing you into making a decision.”

“With a knife,” Kit remarked. He couldn’t wait for his father to hear about this. Mostly because he knew that having Alexander locked up would solve a good majority of his father’s problems. Prior to now, his father lacked the means to justify it. “I can’t just lock him up for petty name calling,” he would say. In the meantime, his father tried to remain civil with Alexander, often going out of his way to deliberately avoid him. Still, Alexander seemed to know exactly what to say or do to anger his brother. His father always just sort of took it, and rarely showed any sort of reaction which was exactly the opposite of what Alexander wanted, and probably why he continued to test the King’s patience. He just wanted the reaction, and only once had he actually gotten one.

“I’ll give you one last chance to change your mind, Kit,” Alexander said, “So what’s it going to be?”

Kit hesitated. If he told everyone about his powers, then he lost the right to keep that a secret. Both of his parents had mentioned to him in the past that it may not be such a bad thing to go public with his powers. It would make him the first member of the royal family to openly have powers since the Patrol disbanded. His mother had powers as well-- the ability to speak with animals. Much like Kit, she had opted to keep her powers a secret from all but a select few. Toltova wasn’t safe yet for people with powers, despite the King’s best efforts. While things seemed to be changing for the better, neither Kit nor his mother felt like it was safe enough for them to be open about their powers with the general public.

Yet, Kit could not leave his entire life behind just because Alexander told him to.

Kit drew in a shaky breath. “I...I’ll tell her.”

Alexander flashed a crooked smile at him. “Good,” he said, lowering the knife. He shoved Kit forward, then poked the knife at his back. “Go on now,” he urged, “And don’t even think about trying to run.”

Kit could feel the colour drain from his face as Alexander urged him to walk forward. He led Kit back to the fountain, where Katrina stood waiting. She had her back facing them, looking out towards the lower gardens, but turned around when she heard Kit and Alexander’s footsteps coming up behind her.

“Oh, Kit,” She said, “You’re back! I was beginning to….” Her voice trailed off and her face fell when she saw that Alexander was still with him. A very fair reaction, Kit thought.

“Kit has something he wants to tell you,” Alexander said, still poking the knife at his back.

“Uh, actually, I-I uh, I don’t want to tell you this,” Kit stammered, “But um, I guess you would have found out eventually, so…” his voice dropped to a low mumble. “I have powers.”

“Louder,” Alexander urged, poking the knife into the back of his neck.

“I said I have powers.”

Kit could see Katrina’s mouth open slightly, as if she were about to say something but changed her mind. The air fell silent, for what felt like an eternity.

“Katrina, say something, please,” Kit whispered.

“I… it’s fine, Kit,” She said finally. She looked just past him, at Alexander. “I think… I think maybe I should go,” she said. Neither Kit nor Alexander tried to stop her as she hurried past them. She looked back only once before she headed back to the castle.

“Well, are you happy?” Kit exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“No,” Alexander drawled, still holding the knife at Kit’s lower back, “But maybe once we tell a few more people…”

“No,” Kit said firmly, “I’m not doing this!” He couldn’t afford to let Alexander think that he could push him around like this. When he inherited the throne, he didn’t want every decision would make to be the product of blackmail. “When my father hears about this, he'll--” He felt a pinprick in the back of his neck. “Ow! What are you doing?”

“It’s just a sedative,” Alexander said, “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to use it. It won’t take long to wear off, don’t worry.”

Kit could start to feel the effects almost immediately. He felt like the world was spinning around him, and he was seeing double of everything. His eyelids started to feel heavy, like he just needed to close his eyes and rest for a little while. He blinked several times, trying to fight off the effects of the sedation.

“Don’t fight it, Kit,” Alexander said, “Why don’t you lie down for a moment?”

“No… I’m good,” he slurred, “I’m.. fine.” He staggered forwards trying to get away from his uncle. After taking only a couple of clumsy steps forward, Kit’s legs gave out and he collapsed to the floor. He tried to stay awake, hoping that someone would find him sooner rather than later.

It only took a few short seconds before he succumbed to the effects of the medication. He closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.

***

Kit woke up in a dark room with no windows. He felt a cold, hard ground beneath him but that didn’t offer any clue to his surroundings. He could barely see his hands when he held them to his face. It took him a moment to remember the events that had brought him to this moment. Even when they all came flooding back, the whole thing just didn’t feel real.

Kit struggled to sit up, still feeling a little bit nauseous. “Hello,” He called out in a raspy voice.

Nothing.

Kit was able to piece together that he was likely in a prison cell somewhere. He had no idea how much time had passed since the incident in the gardens. There was a good chance that he was still in Galtia, but it was still equally likely that he was literally anywhere else.

Kit wasn’t sure how long he had been conscious when he heard footsteps. “Hello?” He shouted, “Is someone there?”

“Kit?”

Kit sat up a little straighter, upon hearing his father’s voice. Soon, his father appeared outside the door and was peering down at him through the bars of the cell. He held a lantern, illuminating the tiny cell.

“He’s in here,” His father said.

“Oh thank goodness,” He heard his mother say. In a few seconds she appeared next to his father. “Kit? Kit, are you ok?”

“I don’t know,” he groaned.

“Kit, listen to me,” his father said in a quiet yet urgent tone, “You need to get out of here. We don’t have the key but--”

“You what?!”

His father sighed. “It’s been stolen,” He explained, “I think I have a pretty good guess as to who took it but--”

“Uncle Alexander,” Kit said.

“Yes, naturally,” his father said, “We’re not sure where he went, but he we’re going to make sure he doesn’t get away with this. There’s people searching for him as we speak.” He lowered his voice then added, “But in the meantime, you’re going to have to let yourself out.”

“Is anyone else here?” Kit whispered.

“Alden’s here,” His father said in the same low tone. Alden was the Royal healer, and the only one outside of Kit’s immediate family who knew about his powers. “But other then that it’s just your mother and I,” His father said, “You’re safe.”

“Then why are you talking like that?”

“Just open the door.”

Unlocking doors was something that he could do with ease. It wasn’t something that he did all that often, but it was a useful skill to have. Kit focussed on the lock as he manipulated the mechanism until he heard a soft click as the lock popped open.

It may have been the effects of the sedative, but he felt more fatigued than usual. His powers sometimes tended to drain him, but only when he overexerted himself. Small tasks like unlocking doors tended to have no affect on him. Kit slumped against the side of the cell wall before his father came in, followed by his mother and Alden.

“Are you ok, Your Highness?” Alden asked as he crouched down in front of him.

“I think he’s just overexerted himself,” His father said.

“Yes, that,” Kit murmured.

Alden fished around in his bag and produced a small glass vial.. “Here,” he said, pulling the stopper out of the vial “This should help.” He handed it to Kit.

Kit took the vial, and drank all of its contents. It tasted bitter, and it burned his throat as it made its way down. Kit coughed a couple times before handing the vial back to Alden.

“Feel any better?” Alden asked.

“Slightly,” Kit said.

“That’s good enough,” His father said, “We need to get you out of here. It’s not safe for you here.”

Kit nodded in agreement. His father had a tendency to go pretty easy on criminals sometimes, which meant that the castle’s dungeons didn’t see much use. They were far from being in a state of disrepair, but he could see cobwebs starting to gather in the corners of his cell and wondered what else he was sharing a cell with. Spiders? Mice? He didn’t want to think about it.

“I want you to go up to your room and pack your bag--”

“Wait, what?”

“It’s not safe for you here,” His father repeated, “What part of that was unclear to you?”

“I thought you were just talking about the dungeons,” Kit admitted. But of course, the castle would be unsafe with Alexander running loose.

His father shook his head. “The fact that Alexander was threatening you and nobody saw--”

“Katrina saw,” Kit corrected.

“We know,” His father said, “She came to get us after she left you. But Alexander is going to be back, and the castle will be the first place we look.”

“Why not just tighten security around here then?” Kit suggested.

“He’s right, Matthew,” His mother said, “Do you really think we need to do this?”

“Security was tightened,” his father pointed out, “This shouldn’t have happened. I need you leave, Kit. Just for a little while, ok? I just want you to be safe.”

“Fine, fine,” Kit muttered. Alden helped him get to his feet, before the four of them left the cell.

***

Kit had managed to pack up his belongings in just a few short minutes. He was not at all surprised to learn that his father had ended the party early and everyone had already gone home by the time Kit had left the dungeon. Kit wasn’t sure whether it was due to the events that transpired in the garden or just due to his father’s own reclusive tendencies. Perhaps, it had even been a bit of both.

Kit met his parents out in the castle’s main entrance hall, where they were waiting to send him off. A guard stood with them, silent and still.

Kit’s father reached into his pocket and produced a small bag of lalts. I’ll need you two to head to Morbane,” he said addressing both Kit and the guard as he handed the bag of money to Kit. “You’re to stay with your Uncle Roland until you hear from us otherwise.”

Kit had only met his Uncle Roland a couple times. Since Morbane was quite a distance from Galtia, he didn’t get to see his mother’s side of the family very often. Kit had never actually been to Morbane, despite it being the location of the Winter Palace. According to his mother, it was a beautiful city. According to his father, he hadn’t been missing out on much. Kit had always wondered which version of the city was closer to the truth, but he wished it could be finding out under better circumstances.

“And you,” his father said pointing at the guard, “You’ll be responsible for keeping him safe. If anything happens to him, I guarantee there will be consequences. Do you understand?

“Yes, Your Majesty,” The guard said, bowing.

“Good, good,” his father said, nodding. “You’d best get going now.”

He said a quick goodbye to both his parents, giving each of them a hug and promised that he’d let them know when he arrived in Morbane before he set off.

Galtia was separated into three districts: The Royal District, the Industrial District, and the Rural District. There were no official borders between any of them, but it was still very obvious when the Royal District became the Industrial district. The opulent manors gave way to squalid factories and the smooth, cobbled roads became rough and uneven. Even the air seemed thicker, despite the fact that all the factories were closed for the night.

Kit walked down the main road, on high alert. His eyes darted all over the place as he made his way down to the train station. Despite having the guard to accompany him, he still couldn’t help but feel uneasy. The fact that the guard was constantly glancing over his shoulder did very little to calm his nerves, but Kit brushed it off as the guard being vigilant and simply trying to do his job.

It was only when the guard turned down a side street, heading the opposite direction of the train station did Kit finally realize that something was amiss. Kit stopped walking and stood defiantly where the two roads intersected.

“Where are you taking me?” Kit demanded.

“The train station,” The guard said, “As per the request of your parents.”

“It’s that way,” Kit said pointing towards down the road that they were supposed to be heading down.

The guard approached Kit, clutching his spear tightly in his hand. “This way is quicker,” the guard said, “Please, Your Highness. Your father won’t be happy with me if I don’t get you to the station.”

“We’re going this way then,” Kit said as he began walking back down the correct road, “I don’t care if it’s a longer walk.” He had his reservations about the guard’s proposed route to the station. It was a smaller, poorly lit side street while the road that Kit now walked down was a main road with street lamps lining each side. Kit rarely left the Royal District, but he still knew the layout of the city well enough to know that the main road would take them directly to the station.

The guard ran to catch up with him. “I’m so sorry to do this, Your Highness.” The guard raised his spear, and slammed the blunt end into the side of Kit’s head.

Kit fell to the ground, his cheek pressed up against the cold, hard ground. The last thing he saw was the spear being yanked out of the guards hand by an invisible force before the guard also collapsed to the ground. Before Kit could even try to comprehend the scene, everything around him faded to black.

---

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[thepropertylovers]

The Most Magical Two Days Ever

WOW. What a trip.

When Celebrity Cruises reached out and asked us to go on their brand new ship, The Edge, we couldn’t say no. But why did they ask us? Let’s break it down.

The trip: a two day sailing from Fort Lauderdale to the Bahamas. The reason: to experience their new ship and to attend its naming ceremony with the other guests.

The verdict: the ship exceeded every expectation we might have had, and we can’t stress this enough, but it was an EXPERIENCE like nothing we’ve ever been through before. For starters, every part of the ship is picture-worthy, like the indoor pool or one of the outdoor hallways that looks like shark teeth:

As soon as we got on board, we took some time to explore the ship and all it had to offer. As we walked around, we noticed some of our favorite Celebrity Cruises staples, like Cafe al Bacio, where PJ always gets his favorite cappuccino, and the Oceanview Cafe, the buffet-style restaurant that’s always open and always delicious.

We also took some time to be fancy ;). We put on these luscious, white robes they had in the closet, poured some champagne that was waiting on us when we got into our room, and for a second, pretended we were the kind of people who drank champagne for breakfast. That’s the mindset these ships put you in! That, for a couple of days, you can escape the outside world, have a little fun, and be anyone you want to be.

Speaking of the rooms, they’re insanely beautiful. We stayed in a stateroom that came complete with a queen-sized bed, gorgeous modern design, and tons of storage. We also kept getting a lot of questions from y’all asking if our room had one of the infinite verandas, which makes the room 23% bigger, and it did! It was so cool! It’s this huge window that sticks out over the side of the ship, bringing you to the water’s edge and makes you feel like you’re floating right above the sea. With the touch of a button, the top part of the window lowers and suddenly it’s this giant balcony letting in the most amazing breeze and view of the ocean.

Here’s a picture of PJ to show y’all what we’re talking about:

Like we mentioned, we were there for the naming ceremony, and for one of the ship’s first ever sailings. On the first night, after we finished exploring and got cleaned up, we headed to the theater for the ceremony. It was such an amazing spectacle, with performances by Andra Day (when she sang Rise Up we both got chills), speeches by the CEO of the Celebrity Cruises and its parent company Royal Caribbean (!!!!), and the ship’s godmother, Malala (never did we think we’d be in the same room as the youngest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize). The entire ceremony was hosted by Celebrity Cruises ambassador and one of the ship’s designers, Nate Berkus.

Can we talk about THAT for a second, too? Nate was Oprah’s interior designer who has since exploded into the design world and is one of the most well-known designers in the world. Along with his husband, Jeremiah, Nate hosts a design show on TLC called Nate & Jeremiah by Design. The two of them are big inspirations for us as a gay, married couple with a love of all things home and family, not just for their interiors (which are perfection by the way), but with how they lead a seemingly normal life with their two kids at home.

The best part of it all was that we got to meet him! After the ceremony he came up to us and introduced himself, saying he knew who we were and that it was a pleasure to meet us. We died. We were shook. We fangirled. All of it. It was the cherry on top of an already incredible night.

(Nate Berkus, right, along with the CEO of Celebrity Cruises Lisa Lutoff-Perlo, Malala in the center)

After the ceremony, we had reservations at Normandie, a French-inspired restaurant where we ate things like duck (we were being fancy, remember?) and ordered three different desserts because we couldn’t decide which one to go with. Again, stuff we wouldn’t normally do in our every day life, but when you’re on this ship, it feels like you’re in another world where anything is possible and you never want to leave.

After dinner we did one of our favorite things to do anytime we’re on a cruise: walk around the outside of the ship at night. The wind blows a cool, comforting breeze, and you normally can’t see anything around you but darkness, but since we hadn’t left the dockyard yet, we were surrounded by the city lights of Fort Lauderdale, which illuminated the background and made for an even more enchanting evening.

See that huge martini glass? It’s actually a two-story hot tub (one of two) that overlooks one of the outdoor pools. It was late, and we were tired, but we couldn’t resist relaxing in it on our first night.

The next day we woke up early to enjoy some pool time before it became too crowded. The sun was out, it was very hot, and there were a couple of pools to choose from. We went with the smaller, more intimate one at The Retreat. How cool are those chairs floating above the water?!

We took a quick ice cream break after lunch and then headed to tour the suites on the ship.

We’re standing in one of the villas, which are 950 sq ft, two-story suites, as you can see by the HUGE STAIRCASE GOING UP TO THE SECOND FLOOR!! We were honestly blown away. On a cruise ship!? This was bigger than PJ’s first house!

Below is the living room in one of the Iconic Suites, that come with their own gigantic terrace. The entire suite was something like 2400-2600 sq ft, which is bigger than our last house.

After the tours, we had dinner reservations at Eden. It’s so hard to even describe what Eden is, because it’s so many things all in one. The website describes it perfectly:

“We invite you to indulge every sense in a transformative atmosphere that changes from chillful mornings to playful afternoons to sinful evenings.”

Eden is an event space and restaurant, but they also put on live performances, and all of the staff are dressed as woodland creatures, in character the whole time they’re serving you. They have fun names for their drinks and food, like The Forbidden and Blue Velvet.

Even the way to Eden is crazy cool. You go through this rooms filled with mirrors and metallic trees, with light dancing all around you. It’s trippy and magical and enchanting and like nothing we’ve ever seen. Dining at Eden is, like everything else on this ship, an experience, and one that you can’t take our word for alone. Nope, you' have to see it, feel it, and taste it for yourself.

After dinner, we headed to one of the performances of Hype, their brand new show. The talent was insanely good, and the covers of songs like Hotline Bling, Toxic, and I Like It, kept us on our feet dancing for the entire hour. The live shows are always something we look forward to on every Celebrity Cruise. They’re creative, inventive, and the voices are always top-notch. To say we were blown away would be an understatement.

And just like that, our time on the Celebrity Edge had come to an end. We woke up the next morning back at the port and it was time to get off the ship. Did we want to leave? Nope. But we left feeling inspired, refreshed, and relaxed. It was the perfect little getaway for a few days, and just what we needed.

If you want to learn more about sailing on the Celebrity Edge, you can click here. If you want to see more of our experience, we have a highlight reel on our Instagram stories you can check out, too! We want to send a huge thank you to Celebrity Cruises for bringing us on board and showing us all The Edge has to offer. It was an experience we will never ever forget!