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#but there was nothing i could do at that point. and I'll live with the grief of having failed her forever.
em1989ts · 1 day
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𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆
five hargreeves x reader
word count: 1.7k
part one.
summary: after discovering your husband cheated on you with his brother's wife, you run off to a different timeline using the subway, only to find a deli crowded with a familiar face.
author's note: this is my first fic that i'm actually posting lol, if anyone sees this i'll be totally shocked
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“Just leave me alone, Five.”
You were speed walking down the steps into what looked like an abandoned subway, desperately trying to avoid the man you thought you knew, who was currently right on your tail.
“Not until you talk to me, y/n,” he pleaded, swiftly trying to catch up. 
“There’s nothing to discuss, Five,” you said in a cold manner. 
You just couldn’t speak to him. Not after what just happened in the living room with him and Diego. After what was just brought to light. 
You wanted to laugh, you really did, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do so. 
Why would you hear him out? Why would he believe he had a right to explain himself? How could he? A marriage of over half a century, down the drain. And for what? 
Seven years with her.
Lila. 
His brother’s wife. The mother of his brother’s children. The child of the couple he assassinated. 
It made no sense. 
You angrily sped up and quickly got onto the train that was stopped at the station. It’s white light making you more stressed than you already were. 
The doors shut in his face. Just a couple more seconds and he would’ve been on this train. You would’ve been stuck having to hear him try and save face until the next stop. 
Sometimes the universe lets you win. 
But why not this time. 
You stared at him through the window of the subway car doors. He looked at you pleadingly. You looked at him disappointedly. 
Who was he, because he sure as hell wasn’t the Five you had known since you were thirteen years old. Stuck in the apocalypse with nothing but ashes and him.
 You had thought it was fate. You and him were meant to be stuck together, meant to be there for each other. Even after everything that’s happened. Apocalypse after apocalypse after apocalypse. 
The subway started to move. You stayed standing, staring at him with daggers in your eyes until he was out of sight. He didn’t chase after the car, he knew it was pointless. He knew he’d never get you back. He didn’t deserve you. 
Once the outside of the train was completely dark and all you could see was your own reflection in the window, you turned and took a seat. Hands in your lap, looked straight ahead, drained. 
What were you supposed to do now? Where would you go? 
Maybe this train would take you to a universe with a Five that could never dream of betraying you the way your own did. 
The lights shone over you as you were deep in thought. You had no idea where this train would take you, when it would take you. 
Suddenly, the car slowed to a gradual stop and the doors opened. You wanted to stay on, maybe pass by hundreds of stops until you actually got off the train but you heard footsteps passing by the station. 
Something in the back of your mind told you to get off at this stop, that you would find something important. 
You stood and slipped through the doors. As soon as you turned your head to scan your surroundings, that’s when you saw him. 
How could he have gotten here before you? 
Five was casually walking towards a set of stairs when he saw you and stopped in his tracks. 
You glared and felt a flame arise in you as you stomped over to him. 
“I told you to leave me alone, Five. What the hell are you doing here?” you pointed an angry, accusatory finger in his face but he just grabbed your hand and gently held it in his. 
You were confused, he seemed different. Less guilty. More sentimental. 
Your anger faltered as he stared into your eyes with an admiration you were already starting to miss. 
“y/n,” he said sincerely, “it’s been so long.” 
Of course he wasn’t your Five. You had just jumped onto a multi-dimensional subway for Christ’s sake. 
“Come on, follow me,” he said as guided you towards a stairwell. 
As you descended and turned a corner, warm glowing lights filled your sight. A warming, comforting sense of nostalgia flooded your senses. You looked up and read the lights on the sign, Max’s Delicatessen, as the Five you stumbled across led you inside. The sound of a familiar vintage tune filled your ears. 
Immediately, you felt all eyes travel to your frame. Every single pupil in this room belonged to a Five. The man you never wanted to see again. Each one of them looked at you with a shocked and astounded expression.
 The Five still holding your hand paid no attention and directed you into a booth seat. 
As you sat down, you took in your surroundings. The Fives behind the counter preparing food, the Fives taking orders, the Five delivering food, the Fives whispering at tables. 
There were so many of them, what was this place?
The Five sitting across from you looks in your eyes with a knowing look.
“It’s not often we get one of you around here.” 
You shake out of your confused thoughts and reply, “And what exactly is this place?” 
Before you can get a reply, a waiter Five comes up to the table and places two mugs of coffee in front of you and Five. Before he leaves, he places a couple cups of creamer and packets of sugar next to your mug. 
Without answering your question, the Five in front of you smiles and says, “We keep those in the kitchen and not on the tables since it’s really rare to see you.” 
You give him an annoyed look. 
“Can you explain to me what’s going on?” 
“Right,” he sat up a little straighter and took a sip of his coffee. “You hopped on a subway that took you to an alternate timeline. That timeline just so happens to hold a place where us Fives come after we’ve stopped trying to fix the problem.” He largely gestured to the room full of alternate versions of your husband. Ex husband. 
You stared at him for a few seconds, your brain rattled with questions, before you spoke. 
“Stopped trying? You mean trying to save the world?” 
“Stopped trying to fix the broken timeline,” he replied matter-of-factly. 
“The broken timeline?” you repeated in confusion. 
“There’s only supposed to be one, and I’ll bet you can guess who shattered the original timeline.” 
Before you could reply, you heard a bell as another Five yelled out, “We did.” 
Five made a disapproving yet knowing face as he called back, “Why you always gotta wreck shit, Brisket Five?” 
Brisket Five shrugged at him then winked at you before returning back to his work. 
“Okay . .” you started, trying to come up with the right questions, “So, our existence is the cause of the broken timeline. Is that why there’s constantly an apocalypse?” 
“Precisely,” Five responds, before gesturing to the framed pictures on the wall. “By the way, check out the artwork. All the different ways we made our universe go kaboom.” 
You stare at the photographs on the wall, noticing both familiar doomsday and entirely unique ones. Once your eyes reach a certain point along the wall you notice some framed images of you. Different photos of you and Five, living your lives together throughout the timelines. 
The Five across from you notices your curious glimpse. 
“I mentioned we don’t often see you around here,” he explains. “It’s because it’s rare that you survive your timeline.” 
You quickly turned back to him in response to his statement. You don’t survive? How many of the Fives in this room have lost their y/n? Has the Five in front of you lost his? 
“What do you mean?” 
“You and I will always meet, in every timeline throughout the universe. It just seems that fate doesn’t always take our side,” he says solemnly as he looks down at his mug. 
A Five piped up from the booth behind you, “My y/n was killed by the Swedes back in Dallas.” 
Another from a couple tables away said, “Mine died in the apocalypse, but we had a good thirty years together.” 
The Five in front of you looked up at you and said, “In my timeline, the Handler shot you and you died in my arms. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” 
He gave you such a genuine look. Like he’s felt shame and guilt for so long, his apology was heartbreaking. How could these Fives care so much about you, while your Five forgot all about you. 
“It’s okay,” you looked at him truthfully and took his hand in your, “I’m sure none of your y/ns would ever blame you for their fate, but they would for giving up. They’d want you to keep going, stay strong and do what it takes to save your family and the world. That’s what they loved most about you.” 
You felt bad placing blame on him but you didn’t understand how the man who has spent his whole life prioritizing the safety of his family and overcoming countless obstacles and stopping at nothing to save his family could just give up. Sure it was tiring, but that was the life the two of you lived, together. 
He smiled at you so lovingly it crumbled your heart. 
“Y/n, the doomsdays will never stop coming. The only way to end this constant cycle of saving and destroying the world is if our family ceases to exist.” 
Your heart slowed its beating as you stared at your interlocked hands, contemplating. 
You hated to admit it but he made sense. Whenever your family is all together, everything goes to shit. People always die and the world will always end. 
Before you could respond, you heard the door swing open and a tense tone fell over the deli. 
The Five across from you held your hands a bit tighter as he glanced up at the Five that had rushed in.
Your Five. 
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caladblog · 8 hours
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i know right know everyone's (correctly!) obsessed with arno for throwing that Molotov cocktail onto the jamis/remy slow burn but i have to impress upon u all just how unwell i am about how luck/maldoror is about ludovica seriously they're like
i'm an evil god. i'm ten thousand past lives in one lesbian trenchcoat. i could kill you any moment. you're not afraid of me? what's wrong with you? be afraid. call me if you need anything. i'm only helping you out of boredom. i'm not impressed by you. you're fascinating. i want to give you the world. i want to raze the cities of your enemies. i'm not giving you my secrets. what do you mean, you're back to find my secrets?? don't you have any sense of self-preservation? oh ok that's a no then. haha same. i've got the sinking suspicion you might be dangerous to me specifically but whatever it's not like i'm the god of good decisions. i'm the manifestation of divine rage and loneliness. i'll physically fight my other selves if they try to hurt you. girl i think you got me experiencing the mortifying ordeal of being known? i don't know what's going on but here's the means to achieve all your hopes & dreams. i'm a pirate. i'm made to destroy the world. you asked me why i haven't destroyed the world yet, oh my god, who DOES that?? tell me to kiss your ring so i can smirk and call you arrogant. you're a baby. you're a speck of nothing. pray and i shall personally answer. no of course i don't have a coherent plan, why did you even ask at this point!
and that's not even as a character arc that's just like! all at once! chaotic monster feelings that stem from being simultaneously a thousand versions of the same monster but also a single person and who knows why anybody wants anything but this want is undeniable as a rising wave and they're excited to find out if they drown in it, appetite of their own appetite,,
hh.
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sturn-saturn · 1 day
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just this once
pairing; fem!reader x bf!matt
warnings: cooch eating <3
a/n: im LITERALLY writing this as im in class LMAOO sorry if it sucks. writing a fanfic in class is crazy.
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one thing you and the triplets knew was school fucking sucked. it sucked absolute balls. your dream since you were younger was to be in the medical field and here you are. you're currently in med school majoring in nursing but thankfully this biology course is offered online.
you woke up this morning absolutely exhausted but this class was only 90 minutes so you weren't complaining too much. you were just hoping this would be the quickest 90 minutes of your life.
matt wakes up pretty early as well but his brothers on the other hand love sleeping in. matt usually stayed in the living room while you're in your virtual class. matt lets you use his desk, which gives you the space to focus and just get through the class.
you're currently on the call and you were just exhausted, dozing off, staring off, picking at your cuticles, twirling your hair, you name it. your elbow was on the desk and your head was leaning on your hand until you hear a creak.
you turn to your right and you see your boyfriend peeking through the door. you give him a deadpan look because he knows how easily distracted you are especially when he's around.
luckily your professor doesn't mind if your camera is off as long as you're participating in class. "matt, what are you doing?"
"i'm bored, hungry, and theres nothing on netflix." he explains walking further into his room.
"babe, you know i have a class."
"i know, i know." he whispers walking to you and kissing your head. "are you almost done? i'm hungry."
"god we really need to get you and your brothers into a cooking class."
"honey, i know how to cook. i just choose not to cause i love when you cook, you put so much love into it."
"oh you know how to cook, huh? that salmon you tried to cook the other day says otherwise." you laugh. "i'll be done soon don't worry."
"but i'm hungry now." he whines. "you know what, fuck it."
matt pulls the desk chair away from his desk and sneaks under so hes on his knees facing you.
"m-matt. what are you doing i'm in class!" you yell.
"cameras off, i'm hungry, i'm taking advantage of this." he smirks looking up at you. “you need to keep quiet, sweetheart. can you do that for me?”
“yes.” you breathe out. matt begins to pull your panties down and kisses your inner thigh softly while holding eye contact.
your professor was talking at this point and the only thing you heard come out of his mouth was living organisms. “ms. y/l/n could you explain further?”
“fuck” you mouth looking at matt.
he pulls away from between you and gives you a smirk. “well ms. y/l/n? explain further.”
you unmute the zoom call and do everything you can to refrain from moaning. “a living organism is anything that has life and consists of cells as its basic unit of organization like t-trees, animals, algae, b-bacteria, as well as humans of course.”
“correct, thank you ms.y/l/n.” your professor announces.
you go back on mute and you look down at matt and spread your legs wider to give him access. he taps your legs so you can put your feet on the arms of his chair.
“you’re such a good girl.” matt whispers.
“mmmm” you hum
“and…you…taste…so…good.” he says in between kisses to your clit.
“matt, quit teasing.”
“say please.” with a deadpan look.
“matt, please quit teasing.”
with that, be inserts a finger and your head falls back into the chair. he trusts in and out until you’re a mess. “what you didn’t realize was you and your professor were the only ones left in the call.
“y/n, are there any questions you had for today?” you professor asks.
you almost jump out of your seat when you heard your name from the screen in front of you.
you quickly unmute yourself, “no, professor, great lecture today, looking forward to next week!” you ramble on before you end the call.
“fuck i’m looking forward to getting inside you. get on the bed, sweetheart.” you boyfriend says with a husky voice.
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tag list:
@sturniolos4life16 @hoeforchrizz @luckyscharms @emely9274 @chrispotatos @weirdratperson @simpson12 @ilovemenwithlonghairr @angeldvstee @pussypie456 @valentinasturniolo @khalei-20 @cravingchrissturniolo @wonnieeluvvr @flouvela
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accirax · 4 hours
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Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14 Dissection
I can't think of how to introduce this dissection other than just saying "god damn??". This chapter-- especially its second part-- has been a wild ride, and one that it appears we're nearing the end of. However, we still have one important question left to answer, which I'm sure I'll talk about here. So, let's chat.
SPOILERS for Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14.
Also, I will be discussing Ace and Eden as equally likely blackened candidates in this post. If it will upset you to hear about the prospects of either or both of them being the killer, you might want to sit this one out.
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Given what happens later in the episode, it's very interesting that the episode began with (more or less) Ace "admitting" that he has no idea how the murder mechanism worked. A truthful method of disqualification, or a masterful play by Ace to ask Teruko to ask him about the murder method only to pretend that he has no idea what it was? Time will have to tell on that one, because I honestly have no leads.
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Similarly, is this Eden being genuinely shaken up and not remembering what transpired in the Gym, or trying to play the helpless innocent card to get out of having to help Teruko explain the murder method that she stole? Spoilers for my thoughts later in this dissection, I guess: they're so evenly matched that it's crazy.
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I've always thought that Hu is the prettiest DRDT character, and this episode did nothing but prove me right. Hot damn, ma'am.
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The insistence that this questioning is "traumatizing [Nico]" makes me think that Hu could be projecting her own experiences on to them. Perhaps she was once an innocent in a situation for which she kept taking the blame? That would be interesting as another connection between Hu and Nico, of both of them having taken the blame for someone else's follies.
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This was a hilarious comeback; never change, Ace. Or, maybe you do need to change slightly, to become a less cowardly and impulsive person. Or maybe I should at least be rooting for you to have the chance to change in the sense that you live long enough to have that work out for you.
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Yet another instance of J being the one to say that murder is bad. I wonder if this has to do with her character/backstory in some particular way (although given what we know about her past I have no idea what that would be), or if DRDTdev just needed a judgmental and confrontational person who would snap back at anyone to take over these kinds of lines.
(That's not me dunking on J's character btw she's valid for this)
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This was a really clever way for Charles to phrase this to make Hu listen and settle down. I appreciate the out-of-the-box yet logical thinking. (Also I missed hearing Charles' voice :,D)
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Woah, I was not expecting to get a Closing Argument comic for the Gym murder, but I am obviously delighted that we have one! Also, OH MY GOD, THE CEILING GRATE. How did none of us even think to consider that as part of the murder mechanism?
However, there are still some aspects of the state of the Gym that haven't yet been accounted for with this version of the murder timeline. I don't really think it's anything that would stop Nico from being Ace's would-be killer at this point, but I'll list them out here in case they are or in case they turn out to be relevant to Arei's murder. I'll also be trying to debunk them, though.
Moved Benches: Some of the benches near the pullup bar were knocked over. These probably fell either in some sort of struggle while knocking out Ace, or when Ace's body fell from the fan.
Moved Weight Rack: The weight rack was moved closer to the bench press and flipped on its back. I guess this really was also knocked over in the same fashion, no matter how unrealistically difficult it should have been to move due to its weight? Or it really was "workout preferences"???
Nico's Missing Cowl: When Teruko and Eden found Nico at the scene of the crime, they weren't wearing their typical dark cape thing. I have no clue why. You could say that Nico was trying to look less instantly recognizable, but it's not as if anyone (other than maybe Teruko) who saw a dark-haired 5'5" individual in a blue shirt instead of a gray cowl would think it was anyone other than Nico. There's also ye olde theory that they might have used it to soak up blood somewhere, but 1) Ace seems to have lost less blood than it may have seemed, and 2) the cowl was still not seen anywhere in the crime scene. I think I remember speculating that after Nico hypothetically used it to soak up blood (or, on second thought, maybe used it to gag Ace with the turpentine), they then stuck it in the fridge to hide it for the time being, at which point MonoTV discarded it and Nico got a new cape from their room. Maybe if it was used to apply the turpentine, Nico also could've put it away to prevent themselves from being affected by the fumes? I guess that's what I'm going with.
Lack of Tape on Pullup Bar: So, this one is obviously relevant to the murder already because Rose not being able to do a pullup is part of what tips off Teruko to the fact that something is off with the tape. However, I have no idea why the tape actually got removed from the bar. I still maintain that I don't think anyone could have stolen the tape off of that bar and repurposed it elsewhere-- most online sources seem to agree that kinesiology tape isn't reusable, and the fact that it was already wrapped around the bar in such a tight spiral would make it difficult to conform to any new specific shapes. My best guess is that Nico might have tried to use the bar instead of the light grate at first, determined that the tape was preventing the wire from sliding properly, and then removed the tape before determining the bar still didn't work. Or, Nico could have tried using the bar before settling on the broom, and thinking that it wouldn't work with tape on it... for some reason? Kinda scratching my head here.
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I wonder how long ago it was. It's been four days since the Chapter 2 motive was revealed, although Ace was attacked only two days after the motive. Furthermore, Ace had started bullying Nico to some level already by the end of Chapter 1. I'm sure that Nico must have known what their secret was and probably didn't want it to be shared. My guess would be that they probably started cooking on murder pretty shortly after the new motive was released. That would also work with Charles-via-Whit letting everyone know what the custom weapons were in the first Class Trial.
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This was the perfect response for Nico's character. They don't understand why an untruthful "sorry" would actually serve as a courtesy for most people, so they try to say what they feel and get ostracized for it.
Gotta say though, Ace, that was a pretty aggressive reaction from someone who said he "didn't need other people to tell him lies just to keep him happy" ;) (/j)
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Damn, way to throw Levi under the bus. I can see why, for someone like Nico, they would want to assert themselves as not the most abnormal person here, though. I just want them to be neurodivergent buddies :(
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If that's the case, then I'd have to imagine that we won't be seeing Nico as a killer again down the line. However, they could also just mean "getting caught"/"going in without a solid gameplan," so it's still possible we will. There's also the possibility of them doing something more like a sacrifice kill, although it would take a lot of character work to make something like that feel within Nico's nature.
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Sorry to keep screenshotting every little thing Nico says but they keep saying really interesting things. The fact that Nico specifically mentions their father as opposed to "parents" or "family" makes me think that we'll hear more about their father specifically sometime in the future. Or, who knows, maybe their other parent left or died.
Nico: I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry.
This was very interesting as an addendum to the above screenshot. What exactly did Nico "ask for" forgiveness for in the past? Was it just more social blunders, as they described in ch2-e2, or did they get into more trouble closer to this level than we realized? It could also be an indication that Nico has spent time with people who believe that being nonbinary is a crime that Nico needs to feel sorry for. Fascinating stuff, indeed.
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Points for Ace being the killer. We know that he went into this trial looking to suspect Nico ("[...] I'm pretty sure I know who the murderer is. It's not David, it's Nico"), so if Ace is the killer, it would make sense if he'd want to make the crime scene resemble Nico's to make his bait more credible.
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Hey, it's the aforementioned T A P E T I M E, motherfuckers :D (still /j) Personally, it's quite gratifying to hear that it wasn't just a visual malfunction or a minor detail blown way out of proportion.
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You're, uh... getting to this point much faster than I expected, queen. I don't think she's now going to go down the exact same distrustful rabbit hole that she was in before, but there's definitely still potential for her hopes to be crushed by the end of this chapter. Or, maybe she will accept some people as genuine friends, and instead in the future have to confront how she feels when she loses a genuine friend, or not blaming herself for the effects of her luck, or something along those lines. I like that Teruko isn't a static edgy protagonist, though. Like, don't get me wrong, I've always known and appreciated that she has depth, but it's refreshing that she isn't someone who's so stubborn about her own way of thinking that she refuses to admit when she's in the wrong. Teruko really wants friends, guys.
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TERUROSE REAL??????
(Also Rose's speech was excellent as well I just didn't have anything in particular to say about it other than "wow" at the moment)
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Yahoo, lockdown logic strikes again! Also, a quick
Is Teruko Correct In This Assumption?
Personally, I fully think yes, only Ace or Eden could be the culprit at this point. MonoTV confirmed that it tried to restore the Gym to the best of its ability but couldn't return the tape, which means both that there was no tape in the Gym to be taken and that there was never any spare tape in the Storage Room that MonoTV could have used to replace the roll. I guess you could say that there was an extra roll of tape in the Storage Room that someone else took before the murder took place, but that level of coincidence seems implausible at this point in the Trial.
No, for anyone other than Eden or Ace to have acquired the tape, they must have either stolen it from one of those two or asked for it from one of those two. Asking them seems very unlikely-- for starters, if it was Ace who took the tape, I don't think he'd be giving free hand-outs to anyone. And, if Eden isn't the killer herself, that means all of her fright regarding stumbling upon Ace's body was genuine. I don't think she's naive enough to then hand over what was used in Ace's murder to anyone asking... or at least not without bringing it up now. Beyond that, anyone who would ask either of them for the tape would have to know that the tape was used in the murder attempt, knowledge of which was very limited. This episode went to lengths to establish that Nico was the sole culprit behind the attack on Ace, and while it's still possible it could all be an elaborate lie, the explanation Nico gave felt very in character and important for their characterization moving forwards. So, while Nico would obviously know it was used, if Nico asked either of them for the tape, surely neither Eden nor Ace would trust them. Otherwise, I think Rose is the only one who could have found out it was gone, but even so, given that neither Eden nor Ace have tried to argue that Rose asked them for the tape, I don't think that happened.
You could also say the same of neither Eden nor Ace claiming to have had the tape stolen from them-- but I could see either of them feeling like claiming to have taken the tape at all right now would be a death sentence, so I understand why they wouldn't say it. Still, I don't know if the narrative is there to support the tape having been stolen from them. On the day after the Gym murder (Day 7), Eden isn't seen in the daily life at all. If someone stole the tape from Eden on that day, I would think that DRDTdev would at least want to show us who Eden was spending time with on that day (given that he put in the effort to make the tape sprite disappear from the Gym at the time it did), so that we would have any idea who might have done so. Ace is seen once in the Day 7 daily life, arguing with Hu, Nico, Levi, Veronika, and Arei. However, having just been attacked, I imagine he'd be hyper-aware of anyone getting close to him, and therefore would be more likely to notice if someone was rifling around in his pockets (if he has pockets?).
Really, I think the only possible candidates for who could have stolen tape from Ace or Eden would be Levi (mostly just for Ace) and Arei (from either of them). Levi might have had an opportunity to take the tape from Ace on the night he was attacked, the night of Day 6. Eden said last episode that Levi "kept trying to help him" after Ace was attacked, which could imply that Levi was the one to put bandages around Ace's neck. Furthermore, he does have a criminal past, which could make him better at stealing. Similarly, Arei is confirmed to be a good pickpocket, stealing Min's pen without Min noticing at all. I think she's the only one with the proper buildup to have taken the tape from Ace at that breakfast, and would be the most likely to have spent time with Eden when Eden was off-screen. (Although, it would have to have been before lunch, because Eden says the last time she saw Arei was at lunch.)
However, I don't think many people think that Levi is the killer anymore, and if Arei stole the tape from Eden or Ace only for the killer to then steal the tape from Arei, I would start to wonder why DRDTdev even made the tape such a scarce resource in the first place. Remember that, if the killer was purposefully trying to recreate Nico's idea, they likely knew in advance that they would need the tape to pull off their plan. It was used in enough places that seizing the opportunity to take it off of Arei seems unlikely, as it was too fundamental to the plan's inception. Besides, for the killer to replicate Nico's plan in the first place, the killer likely needs to be Nico, Eden, Ace, or Teruko, who are the ones who could have most easily taken the tape on their own.
I've already seen people accuse this Trial of being bloated, and while I strongly disagree (I only think cases are bloated when they're stalling for time and have nothing of interest to discuss, and we've still had PLENTY of interesting stuff to discuss), if we spent a whole 'nother who-knows-how-many episodes reversing all of the progress we just made to say that either Nico wasn't actually the one to kill Ace or that someone who didn't see the crime scene killed Arei, that bloating problem would only seem worse to those people.
I understand if you don't want to believe that Eden or Ace has to be the culprit for whatever reasons-- whether that be that they're your favorites and you don't want them to die or you really like your theory and don't want it to be false-- but I really think that this episode cemented that either Ace or Eden will be voted for as the blackened for all of the reasons above. Therefore, I shall be proceeding accordingly.
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She was WILD for this. Hilarious line of reasoning.
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What's Up With the Body Discovery Announcement?
The "reveal" of this line of logic was no surprise to me. As someone who's believed that Eden is the culprit for quite a long time, we've had to figure out ways to get around this thing before, and besides perhaps "not witnessing the murder," someone else seeing the body before the BDA rang is the most obvious way to cheese it.
However, in order for this to be a thing, we have to ask ourselves-- who would have actually seen the body first?
David claims to, but he has an alibi starting at 7:30 AM with Veronika and J. Both because Arei theoretically wasn't dead before then and because we've been operating off of the assumption that a meal takes about 30 minutes to eat, I don't think any of the three of them could have stumbled across Arei in the morning. Nico and Hu both have an alibi, which I'm going to consider solid enough to remove them from possibility-- one of them spotting the body would be helpful to make Eden the killer, and I think the only people who believe that Hu and Nico are lying only believe so under the condition that one of them is the killer. Whit is out, because him seeing the body beforehand doesn't actually accomplish anything, and so is Charles, because we can assume that, if he saw the body, he would be out of commission. I'm also going to strike Rose from seeing the body before breakfast, both because she's very likely to have been asleep and because if she had already seen Arei's body in the Playground, she probably wouldn't have refused to draw a diagram. That would leave only Ace, Levi, and Arturo as non-blackeneds who could have helped facilitate culprit!Eden from not being caught by the BDA.
However, we also have to consider that "before 8 AM" isn't the only time someone could have stumbled across Arei's body. They also could have seen it before Teruko, Eden, and Whit did while everyone was looking for Arei. So, what do we know about what happened during the search for Arei? Not much. Hu says that they should split up, while J says she's going to check Arei's room. Teruko says that most people are probably searching the first floor, an assumption that's supported by Teruko, Eden, and Whit not seeing anyone else while they check the second floor. You might think that would eliminate the possibility of anyone else seeing Arei's body during the search, but Teruko did say most people, not all. There's also what MonoTV said when Teruko and Veronika were investigating the Gym.
MonoTV: It's too high! If you stood in the movie screening room on floor one and started punching through the walls, you'd fall into the playground.
This not-yet-addressed piece of evidence got me thinking about the possibility of someone seeing Arei's body from above, standing in the Motive Screening Room. It still probably couldn't be Teruko, Whit, Charles, Rose, or J, but anyone else would theoretically be back on the table if that were the case. That being said, I can't find any visual differences in how the Motive Screening Room looks between the beginning of Chapter 2, when the search for Arei begins, and when Teruko goes to check the motive secrets (other than a curtain being added over the screen in the third case). So, unless there was already a heretofore unmentioned hole to peek through in the room, I wouldn't count on that being the case. The connection between the Motive Screening Room and the Playground will probably just be relevant to a different chapter.
Therefore, that leaves us once again with Ace, Levi, and Arturo. The main problem with believing that any of them could have seen the body beforehand is why they wouldn't have brought that up at this point in the Trial. Here are my best guesses as to why:
Ace: I have genuinely no clue why Ace wouldn't have brought up that he saw the body in the morning (assuming that he actually did) to defend himself at this point. It's not like it would make anyone more suspicious of you.
Levi: Levi does seem to be a bit dense regarding what is and isn't helpful behavior in a Trial, so the most likely possibility to me is that he just didn't realize that confirming he saw her was helpful. Like, "oh, I didn't realize that me confirming that I saw Arei would help us pin down Eden as the killer. I was just trying to figure out how David and I both saw Arei's body this morning and I didn't see him." "Wh-- David was obviously lying!" "He was?" "I already told you he was lying before..." "Levi... we talked about this..." Bonus points for it not being out of character for Levi to be unfazed by seeing a body, though.
Arturo: In Arturo's case, I think it would have to be that he'd still be worried about people seeing him as suspicious for saying he found Arei's body in the case of accusing Eden specifically. They already have a past history of conflict, and I could see someone brashly accusing Arturo of throwing Eden under the bus just to get revenge on her for the secret thing (even if I don't think he would actually do that). He also made an enemy out of Arei, so I don't think he would be particularly fazed by seeing her corpse either-- similarities to Felicity's cause of death notwithstanding. However, I also find it likely that he trailed after J in going to check Arei's room.
So, what's our conclusion here? Does this mean that Eden is basically fully cleared by triggering the BDA? I wouldn't count her out just yet, but the evidence isn't looking great for her. It's quite possible David only brought up this argument to A) hold out suspension of disbelief that it's not just Ace for a little while longer, B) drop this logic as foreshadowing for a future killer's plan, C) characterize the kind of logic he uses in a Class Trial, or D) bring up this argument in canon so that the people who theorized that the BDA might not clear Eden or Whit wouldn't be like, "wait, but what about...?" However, it's also possible that one of the possibilities I listed above, something I might have missed, or the "see no evil" idea (as FF put it) could keep Eden in contention. That dynamism is part of what makes Ace and Eden feel so evenly matched.
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See, this is what I assumed David was getting at after Nico reminded me of his early-morning alibi. But then he just kept talking...
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I'm not going to delve into what David was thinking here too much, because I already have an anonymous ask about what I think David's rationale was that this will almost certainly come up in. However, as a short version, I imagine that David is trying to get everyone angry at each other in the hopes that it'll incite another murder that he can get the class to fail? Or to cause enough discord in the group that they just fail this one. That would be why he also rags on Rose for not remembering the tape, and insults Arturo's sister-- he wants no one to trust anyone so that the murder-solving process will be as un-streamlined as possible.
The fact that he targets Teruko so specifically is probably because he (accurately) assesses her as the only real threat there. Charles and Rose can help, sure, but their mental struggles make them easy enough to eliminate if you play your cards right. Teruko's main flaw is her lack of trust, so if David wants to weaken her, it makes sense to go right for that jugular. Furthermore, by stating his plans so plainly and publicly, it might incite other people to fight back against him and say that Teruko should trust them. However, that kind of olive branch might make Teruko even less inclined to get close to them, if what Teruko said to Eden at the end of ch2-e03 can tell us anything. Didn't stop Eden from trying at the end of this last episode, though!
After taking some more time to think about what David was up to this chapter, I might change my mind on those being his goals. But, this post does serve as my initial thoughts of sorts, and that's what I initially think about this scene.
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I wholeheartedly agree.
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Does Ace Have Nothing To Do With Arei?
What Ace has to say is more or less true-- barring the breakfast in which Arei didn't talk at all (AKA, no conversation), Ace has literally never been in a small group event with Arei. However, although they didn't talk to each other, Ace did overhear the conversation between David and Arei, which does give him a connection to Arei. Quite relevantly, Arei did say this to David during their conversation:
Arei: You said that sharing our secrets would help fight against the motive. But when I think about it, not a single good thing has come out of that. Eden was stupidly naive, as usual, and tried to talk to Arturo, so now I have to protect her.
From this, Ace could probably surmise that Eden had Arturo's secret, she talked to him about it, and that Arei stepped in to save her from Arturo. He was one of the few people who could have known that Eden and Arei grew closer before the murder occurred: another connection Ace had to information about Arei.
However, before you use that evidence to call Ace the killer, let me remind you that he still doesn't have enough information to write the note from just eavesdropping on this conversation alone. As I outlined in this theory (same as the one I just linked above), whoever wrote the note had to specifically know that Arturo's secret was about his sister, which Arei doesn't divulge (quite possibly because she didn't even know) to David. Therefore, although Arei mentioning Arturo and Eden in this conversation is interesting, it doesn't actually make Ace any more likely to be the killer, because he still would have needed to find some way to spy on Eden's secret and/or Arturo and Eden's conversation to write that note. (Unless mentioning the sister specifically was an oversight plot hole, but I never want to use that as my reasoning.)
So, do I get what Arturo is getting at? Yeah, Ace and Arei were never particularly involved, and Eden clearly has a greater connection to the victim. However, there is more to the Ace/Arei bond than it might first appear, and it's possible that could come up in the Trial moving forward.
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This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?
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... BUT THEN HOW THE FUCK CAN EDEN GO AND SAY ALL OF THIS, BE THE KILLER, AND THEREFORE PROVE DAVID RIGHT???
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AND THE "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO" REFERENCE??? AT THIS HOUR????? I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT MAKES HER SEEM MORE OR LESS SUSPICIOUS!!!!
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OUGH AND THE MIN PARALLELS TOOOOOOO
MIN WAS TERUKO'S FRIEND BUT ALSO A KILLER. DOES THAT MEAN EDEN IS GOING TO BREAK THE CYCLE OR DOES IT MEAN THAT WE'RE STUCK IN A DOOMED STORY IN WHICH TERUKO IS THE PROTAGONIST? IT COULD GO EITHER WAY!!!
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Jumping back in time for just a moment...
A Piece of Evidence That Lines Up to Them Only
I thought about making this its own separate post, but decided not to. If you guys want me to make this part it's own separate post so it's easier to find/comment on directly, let me know, and I'll set that up.
But before you can make your decision, I suppose I have to explain what I aim to do here. Basically, Teruko has told us that she's still torn between Eden and Ace (mood), and that, while she'll start off attacking Ace, she's looking for any pieces of evidence that could prove that only one of them could have committed the crime. Problem is, we have no indication of what that specific piece of evidence could be, and, trust me, it could be a lot of them. Thus, what I'm going to do in this "mini" theory is list out every piece of evidence that I can think of, and say whether it points to Eden being the culprit, Ace being the culprit, or it can't point to either of them. Perhaps once we're done, you'll see why I'm so conflicted on which of them it would be.
I'm going to tier these pieces of evidence in terms of least likely to be the missing piece to most likely to be the missing piece, starting with all of the aforementioned unexplained gym evidence. The knocked over benches and weight rack were not part of the replicated crime scene, and I have no idea how Ace or Eden would have wound up with any version of Nico's cowl. The missing tape on the pull-up bar has the greatest likelihood to be relevant, but as we're already suspecting both of them for having the tape, I don't think it'd be a decision maker. Any of those pieces of evidence would be likely to come up in proving that Nico wasn't the one behind Ace's murder, but this theory is operating under the assumption that Nico is the one who tried to kill Ace, and either Ace or Eden killed Arei. If you want the answers for your own theory, do your own homework. (/lh)
Ace or Eden will get a point for any evidence that I think would better be used to accuse them as being the culprit. Therefore, winning points is actually a bad thing if you want to be innocent. For convenience of "scoring," Eden will be purple because of her shirt and Ace will be pink because of his "maroon" hair... and because I needed red and orange for the likelihood ranking.
UNLIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE
Arei's Body Swinging: This evidence has already been used to establish that Arei was killed in the morning, not at night. Either Ace or Eden could have killed Arei at 7:30 AM, so point to neither of them.
Ace Trying to Assign Himself to Guard Duty: This one is obviously a point for Ace if it were the final piece, but it's such a minor happenstance that I doubt Teruko would think to bring it up as the main thing against him. Like, she could bring it up in general, but I don't think it'd be her crowning jewel. Still, it's a piece of evidence we haven't discussed yet, so credit where credit is due.
Arei's Bound Wrists: Bound by the grippy tape that either of them could have stolen. Point to no one.
Broken Playground Lights: The lights in the Playground are broken, likely from the mechanism being hung up through the ceiling rafters. You could argue that this is a point for Ace's strength, but I don't think throwing a ball that high requires so much strength that Eden couldn't do it, especially if you might be able to use the see-saw to launch it somehow. Point to no one.
Dried Up Puddles: This has nothing to do with either of them. Point to no one.
Carousel Wrapped in Tape: Again, either could have had the tape, so point to no one.
Two Pieces of Rope: Either of them could have taken the rope from Storage and cut it; point to no one.
Food/Utensils/Napkins in Trash: Probably David's dinner. Possibly evidence of Eden and Arei having breakfast together, but that's a stretch. Point to no one.
Cups/Tissues/Palette in Trash: Rose says these were hers. Point to no one.
Incense in Trash: I know thebadjoe had (has?) theories about this being used to conceal the scent of Arei's body being hidden in the Relaxation Room a day earlier than anyone thought, but I find that to be too much of a stretch to accost Eden for it here. I think it's just filler. Point to no one.
Grippy Tape in Trash: I should just stop writing out tape evidence. Point to no one.
Broken Jugs: The killer used jugs of water to make Arei heavier, which broke when she fell. They probably had the fish water in them, but we're not talking about the fish themselves at the moment. I'll say point for Ace because the jugs are probably from the Gym, and we've seen Ace in the Gym far more times than we've seen Eden.
Needle and Black Thread: This evidence... might have to do with the ball of clothes, which we'll get to later. However, if this is relevant to the murder, it's probably from the Dress-Up Room, in which we've seen Eden but never Ace. Point to Eden.
Construction of the Note: After a bit of internal debate, I'm going to call this a point for no one. Why? Well, it's because Eden would have reason to help construct the note whether she was the killer or not. If she is the killer, she might have wanted to guide the discussion that followed its reconstruction, to urge to Rose and Whit that she's innocent and that someone must have framed her. It would also give her reason to come into the Trial already having a handwriting sample on her. However, if Eden is innocent, she also easily could have just wanted to help out. Most importantly, Eden already brought up the note being constructed in her initial defense, so I doubt Teruko would reuse it as the nail in someone's coffin.
Splashing Arei With Water: Either of them could have thought of this and accomplished this. Point to no one.
SOMEWHAT LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE
Body Discovery Announcement: While this may very well play an important part in solving the case, I don't think it'll be the final smash, so to speak. That's mostly because we already talked about it a lot in determining whether Eden could have done it. In the end, I think we'll either have to come up with a way to justify Eden having cheated the BDA-- by Levi or Arturo having seen it or via see no evil-- or we'll accuse Ace without the BDA being a problem. I guess I have to call this a point for Eden because if the BDA were to be the damning evidence, I think it'd have to be for her. However, in my heart, this is totally evidence supporting Ace being the killer.
Arei's Broken Neck: I'm using this as a stand-in for the strength of the killer, in the sense of lifting Arei up and being able to stop the carousel. This is a point for Ace, because he's a professional athlete and Eden is generally the weakest person in the cast.
Scratches on the Ground: This evidence certainly seems to indicate that there was a struggle at the Playground, but is there anything more to it than that? I'm more willing to believe that Ace could have beaten Arei in a fight, but does that point to Eden because there would've been more of a struggle, or Ace because Eden wouldn't have wanted to fight Arei at all? Ace also normally wears heels (while Eden and Arei don't), which is what Hu cites will naturally scratch up the floor. This evidence is vague enough that I don't think it'll be used to point to either of them, but if it did, I think it's more likely to be Ace.
Ball of Starched Clothes: For starters, I'll share (I think it's) thebadjoe's theory that the ball was adhered together using starch from the Relaxation Room that's sprayed on the plants at night, because I saw some people questioning how the clothes could have been stuck together. Anyways, the ball of clothes itself is definitely a point for Eden, because we saw her in the Dress-Up Room specifically looking for Teruko's clothes. Although, Ace certainly saw Teruko and Hu's new fits, so he could have figured it out for himself.
Actual Acquisition of the Tape: I don't think this will be used as the final piece just because I feel like the narrative is pointing towards the damning evidence relating to Arei's actual murder as opposed to Nico's. However, it's relevant to discuss, so I'll list it here. Although Teruko says that Ace and Eden had equal odds at the tape, on the surface, it really makes much more sense if Eden was the one to take it. Star explained it well here, but I'll add my own recap: in the moments when the tape must have been taken, in between when Nico leaves and when MonoTV kicks everyone out, Ace is recovering from unconsciousness, covered in blood, full of rage, and has all eyes on him. Meanwhile, Eden is scared, sure, but she had a clear moment to actually examine the scene of the crime and is also knocked to the ground-- potentially right next to the tape-- with all her wits about her. While it's not impossible to believe that Ace sleight-of-handed the tape, Eden had a much clearer path to taking it. Point to Eden.
MOST LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE
Arei's Missing Glove: To my memory, Arei's glove hasn't been brought up in the Trial at all, which is definitely strange, because it must be missing for a reason. If DRDTdev is crafting so much detail into the BDA that the swinging of the body is plot-relevant, there's no way he would have just missed giving Arei her glove. The question is, what was this used for? Those who are familiar with my theories should know that I've never been a fan of dress-up theories, so I'm going to discount that possibility. The thing I thought was the most likely was that the killer donned the glove so that their hands wouldn't get super scratched up from grabbing the grippy tape-d carousel bars, before gleamingtempest reminded everyone that both Eden and Ace already wear gloves. Still, looking at them, Eden's gloves are probably made of something more like cotton while Ace's gloves likely have some sort of tougher grip on the inside. So, Eden would probably be more likely to need something else to protect her hands. Also, given that both of Arei's wrists have marks on them, the glove was likely taken off before her wrists were tied. I can't figure out why Ace would have taken off Arei's glove before restraining her or how he would have gotten Arei to take it off otherwise, while for Eden, at least, I can imagine her asking Arei to take off her glove. Therefore, I'm going to call this one a point for Eden, while also throwing out that it might just be missing if Arei didn't bother putting on her glove for the early morning meetup.
Fish on the Playground: You've heard it from me before, Eden has an alibi through the entire time the fish could have been taken. With seemingly no accomplices (other than possibly Arei) in sight, I don't know how Eden would have gotten her hands on those fish. Meanwhile, Ace had a great opportunity. Point for Ace.
Pieced-Together Note: This evidence is very confusing, because I don't see how/why either of them would have implemented it. For Ace, I wrote that entire theory (I'm not going to link it a third time) about how, based on the information in the note and the layout of the first floor, it really seemed like eavesdropping was impossible, and the person who wrote the note had to be Arturo or Eden. Then there's what thefandomenchantress pointed out about Ace's pedantry making it seem like he wouldn't misspell "responsible" in the note, and that he just doesn't give me the vibes of someone who writes in cursive. By all accounts, it really seems like Ace can't have written that note. But then again, why would Eden have written that note? Okay, bad phrasing; she wrote it to get Arei to come to the Playground. But still, why would she sign it? Or if she were to sign it, to make sure that Arei knew it was her, why include so much detail about what Arturo's secret was? More importantly, why wouldn't Eden have just stuffed the ripped up note into her belt, or her pockets, or her room if it would serve to incriminate her? Put it wherever she put that glove! Hell, why not eat the note, if it's a life or death situation? There's the "reverse psychology" argument, but similar to what Teruko said this episode, it would have been much simpler for Eden to have pretended that Arei came to the Playground for some other reason without the killer planting some sort of note meant to frame her. And it's not like I think Eden is really the type to misspell "responsible" either. So, I'm kind of at a loss. It's such a major piece of evidence that I feel it has to come into play again somehow, but I'm not sure how. I think I'm going to call this one a point for Ace because at the very least I understand why he would want to leave this evidence here, even if I don't know how he created it. For Eden, I don't get why she'd leave it lying around, even if in pieces. You can call it revenge for Eden getting the point on the BDA, if you wish.
So, what are the results? If you add up all the points together, you wind up with 6 points for Ace and 6 points for Eden. Funny. If you tier the points, however, with 1 point for unlikely pieces, 2 points for somewhat likely pieces, and 3 points for the most likely pieces, you get 12 points for Ace and 10 points for Eden. Of course, that's using my tierlist of which pieces of evidence are most likely and on top of that, assigning the BDA and the Note the way that they are (if you flip them it's 11-11), but still. If you're invested in my findings, these are the results.
Needless to say, I hope you can understand why I'm having such a hard time determining which one of them will turn out to be the killer. Although, I must add...
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If we're suspecting Ace first before we've done our Debate Scrum, that's not a good look for Eden never being suspected again in this Trial.
Concluding Thoughts
What? A conclusion? I've never done one of these on a dissection before?!!
Yeah, well, this time, I have stuff to say that I couldn't really correlate to one image in particular! And also I ran out of images, so this is what you get!!!
I spent that whole "A Piece of Evidence" section talking about the physical evidence that could support Ace or Eden being Arei's killer, but in it, I really didn't get to talk about the narrative implications of either of them being the killer at all. I know that Narrative Defenses are typically Venus' thing, but I have my thoughts on this, too. Namely, that both of them are riddled with narrative problems for being the killer at this point.
(Note: I don't mean "problems" in the sense that DRDTdev has written anything poorly. What I mean is, my own perception of how the characters are conveyed has me currently raising red flags about how either of their stories will pan out as a killer or how the rest of the story will pan out without them. At the time the answer comes, I have full faith that I'll be satisfied with the results.)
Let's start by looking at Eden, the spotlight character of the end of this episode. After that whole heartfelt speech with the CGs and the tears and the brilliant voice acting and the everything, how could Eden possibly be the killer?! I'm the one who was trying to defend the possibility of her still being the culprit after her little rant last week, and while I could probably do that again with this speech, it just felt so... I dunno, sincere. You can really feel Teruko's reluctance to put her faith in Eden, but her choice to do it anyways. Teruko already showed signs of growth this episode by admitting that she can't always solve mysteries by herself, so could that be a sign that she might come around on the group faster than we initially anticipated? If Eden was the killer, it would crush Teruko so hard. Is there any recovering from that? Can we really prove David right?
On the other hand, Ace is, quite possibly, one of the most intertwined members of the cast. He's probably Levi and Nico's #1 correspondent, and he's up there for Hu as well-- assuming they both survive the chapter, I'm sure their animosity towards each other will only grow in Chapter 3. With Ace just having given up on Levi, having just been the target of Nico's battery and Hu's verbal lashes, can the story really work without him in it at this point? Eden hardly has connections with anyone other than Teruko-- Hu's probably next, but Eden probably ranks, like, fourth on her list after Nico, Ace, and David-- which should make her more expendable. Is it really Ace's time already?
However, despite my complaints, I also think that both of them could be really good options as the killer here-- the two options I prefer over anybody else.
Eden is the character who's most connected with Arei. She plays into the chapter themes of being a good person beautifully. She's a good person, a tragic figure, that killed not because she wanted anybody dead, but presumably because she had something back at home that she had to get back to at all costs. Killing her off would break Teruko-- would break everyone. With the reveal of everyone's secrets, next chapter is going to be a living hell, so why not make that hell worse by removing the biggest conflict de-escalator here? It would force other people to step up to bat. It would give everyone a chance to change, what Eden wanted for Arei most of all. Eden's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that even the "most good" people can do the unspeakable.
Meanwhile, Ace has perhaps the most obvious reason to kill someone: he literally almost fucking died himself. Ace's execution would be a reminder of the physical reality of the killing game. That actions have consequences. Even if the guy who started all those fights is dead and gone, you can still feel his presence lingering in the arguments between the others. The guy you underestimated most of all-- not for being kind, but for being dumb-- can send you into a multi-hour spiral in which you accuse even the sweetest of participants. Ace's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that reveling in your own distrust and anger might lead you to do the unspeakable.
For someone who's spent so long believing that Eden is the culprit of the chapter, it's really amazing how down-to-the-wire DRDTdev has made the end of the case, where either option feels so believable that it's like you can picture the rope in their hands. Whether my theories, old or new, were right or wrong, I am highly looking forward to watching next week's episode and discussing it with you all. See you on Friday-- just try not to freak out too much before then, alright? (/aff)
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kirain · 1 day
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I know he's not your romance, but can I request a wholesome Astarion fic plz?
Astarion frowned as he and Tav entered the modest boutique. It was small, but clean; organised. It had an almost rustic charm to it, featuring large windows adorned with delicate lace curtains, which were tied back just enough to let the sun shine through. That was appreciated, as Astarion had grown weary of the dark.
He said nothing as his favoured traveling companion scanned the outfits on the walls, cupping her chin as she considered and rejected each one. Carefully curated as they were, she seemed to be looking for something specific. The soft lighting highlighted racks of unique frocks, hand-knitted sweaters, and artisanal jewelry, but she passed them all by.
Why did she bring me to this rundown shack?
Astarion huffed. Has she noticed how tatty my clothes are? No, she's not that perceptive.
His eyes widened as Tav's finger suddenly pointed at some lingerie behind the shopkeeper's counter. His heart sank.
Of course ... she wants to dress me in something risqué. Expose my body. Why am I not surprised? There's nothing more "sexy" than a vampire, after all. He bit the tip of his thumb, feigning indifference. So in the end, she's just like all the others. A horny, selfish—!
"No, no! Not that!" she laughed. "The one beside it."
Astarion flinched, trying to hide his shock as the shopkeeper passed her a plain ashmeadow outfit. It wasn't particularly bright or stylish, but the pattern was subtle, casually elegant, and paired with lightweight trousers, likely designed to ease movement.
"What do you think?" she asked, unfolding the pieces for a better view. "Doesn't it look nice and comfy?"
Astarion hesitated. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinised every inch. Overall, the outfit was dull, at least compared to his usual garb, but pleasant in all the ways that mattered. It wouldn't grab attention, but it wasn't hideous. It wouldn't make a spectacle of his body, but it would complement his figure, his hair, his eyes. For one brief moment, he felt grateful, but quickly recoiled in mistrust.
Is this a trick?
He quickly waved at the suggestion, bidding the shopkeeper to take the outfit away, but Tav clung to it, staying his hand.
"Wait, what's wrong with it? You don't like it?"
"I appreciate your confidence in me, darling, but I don't think even I could make that dreary ensemble look good. That's something you'd see a pig farmer wearing." He gave her a seductive grin. "Surely you'd like to see me in something more ... exotic."
Disgusting, but I need her protection. Just fuck me, already. Get it over with. Why the song and dance? Why the charade? Am I not being forward enough? Perhaps I should should try the 'lonely bachelor' angle.That tends to work best on sensitive women like this.
Tav raised a brow, her confusion genuine, but Astarion didn't believe it. He couldn't.
"No, I just think this suits you," she said.
Astarion scoffed, thrown by her sincerity. There was no hint of sarcasm or trickery in her tone. No indication that she was fulfilling some mundane kink by picking such an outfit. But it didn't make sense. He hadn't been particularly kind to her, and he was only good for one thing: sex. Surely that's what she was after.
"Did you not hear what I said?" he snapped. "That's something a pig farmer—"
"What's wrong with being a pig farmer?" she argued. "They work hard, live free, and dress for comfort."
"And I'll have you know, that outfit is not for farming," the shopkeeper added, visibly offended. "I mean, I suppose you could. It's certainly durable, but it's more for ... sophisticated roving."
"There you go," Tav giggled, harmlessly. "Don't you want to be a 'sophisticated rover', Astarion?"
He pulled back defensively, pursing his lips to hide his fangs. They live free? Dress for comfort? As if I ever had such a choice. She has no idea! His fingers curled into a fist.
"Are you ... mocking me? Is that what this is?"
Are you trying to dress your toy?!
The air around him felt charged, a palpable tension that made it difficult to breathe. A deep red flush spread across his neck, creeping up towards his pale face. The anger was sudden, but uncontrollable, and he didn't know why.
Calm down, you fool. This is nothing. You've been through worse. He screamed internally. So then, why does it hurt more than usual? Why is it worse when it's her?! I ... I don't want her to see me this way, but I know she does! Who wouldn't?!
"Mocking you?" Tav asked, breaking the silence.
She tilted her head, the simple act pulling Astarion from is raging stupor. Her eyes were innocent, unassuming. And of course they were—he hadn't yet told her the truth about Cazador. The details. The depravity.
Hold on. Is this ... real?
"What are you saying?" she peeped. "I brought you here because I noticed how worn out your clothes are. Thin with crooked replacement stitches." Astarion's throat tightened, trying not to blush. "I just thought you might like something new."
"I ... see."
"If you don't like the black and white..." She smiled and gestured to the shopkeeper. "We can order something with colour. Do you take commissions? Can my friend here make alterations?"
Friend?
"He can, and we do indeed sew to order. It just might take a while. I'm down a seamstress this month."
Astarion paused, their voices fading. He looked down at the sleeved tunic and accompanying vest that Tav held close to her chest. It was thick, surprisingly well crafted, and more fashionable than he initially dared to admit. For a moment, he felt his unbeating heart flutter. New clothes. A whole outfit, just for him. He'd forgotten what that felt like. What shopping for anything other than a victim for Cazador felt like.
Against his better judgement, he reached out and rubbed the material between his fingers. Twill. Handcrafted. Warm. He felt a tingle as he realised Tav didn't choose that outfit at random. She'd put a lot of thought into it.
"I want this one."
"Sorry?" Tav said, glancing up at him.
"This outfit." He tugged at the sleeve, gently. "I want this one."
She smiled. "Are you sure? You didn't seem overly thrilled about it a second ago."
"Tch! Well, I changed my mind," he hissed. "What can I say?" His eyes softened. "It's grown on me. Kind of like your ... annoyingly infectious positivity."
"Alright, alright," she laughed, ignoring his jibe. "Can you ring this up, sir?"
Astarion's back stiffened as she reached for her coin purse. Money, right. That hadn't crossed his mind. As horrible as Cazador was, everything needed was provided. When allowed to sleep on a bed, it was there. When Cazador's guests wanted wine, it was there. Anything needed to rope in victims was given. He hadn't had to buy anything in nearly two hundred years.
"Wait, I—"
"It's no problem," Tav said, sensing his conflict. "I'm happy to do this."
"But..." He frowned, crossing his arms. "Well, don't expect anything back. If that's what you're after, you're going to be sorely disappointed."
"I don't expect anything back, Astarion." She handed the shopkeeper a roll of gold coins, then turned to him with another tender smile. "I'm just glad to help out a friend."
Astarion stood in silence, his brow twitching. A thought occurred to him—two words he hadn't felt the desire to say in two centuries. Two words he'd almost forgotten. He shifted from side to side, looking anywhere but at her, desperate for an escape from the vulnerability pressing down on him.
But I think she truly means it.
"I..."
His mouth opened, then closed again. He cleared his throat, trying to speak, but the silence lingered. He could tell she expected nothing, but for once he wanted to give a part of himself, by choice. Just a few words. The feeling inside him grew, a swell of gratitude he couldn't quite contain. Finally, he sighed and met her eyes with a smile.
"Thank you."
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pixiesfairygrove · 2 days
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༉‧₊˚✧ i cross my heart , PART TWO.
a five hargreeves multi-fic . . 🎞️🕯️ — intro.
warnings : minor swearing .ᐟ
author’s note : THIS ONE’S KINDA LONG and there’s not too much interaction with five and (name), but the next part there’ll be more !! hopefully it doesn’t bore y’all too much,, happy reading ᡣ𐭩.
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“what the fuck happened to you?” klaus asked, seeing the brunette walk into the hotel with scars and bruises all over his face and body. “don’t ask," he sighed heavily. five marched his way upstairs to their shared room. klaus and diego, who continued to sit down gave each other a puzzled look but decided to shake it off. five took a lengthy shower and put on some different clothes to lounge in, and after, he climbed back down.
"that little delinquent is your son?" five heard klaus ask their other brother in midst of a laugh, "allegedly my son." diego was quick to respond back. five took a mimosa from the counter as he listened to their conversation and walked his way to sit among the duo. klaus let out a hearthy laugh, "that's so funny!" he cackled. five turned to look at a pigging-down stanley,
"wait, who's.. who's the mother?" five asked him. "lila." diego again, responded quickly with the same dead-panned expression. five could feel the cold rush over his body, relieved from the heat of the sun (name) had inflicted on him. "excuse me?" klaus raised a brow in diego's direction.
five furrowed his brows at him in panic, "woah.. lila's here?"
"was. she dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted."
"i don't much care for that one." klaus gave a slightly disgusted look, swirling the straw in his own drink. "don't." diego pointed a finger at the man. "technically, she's family." five tilted his head. "she was trying to murder us, like, yesterday!" klaus cried, disgusted at both of them. "yeah, like i said, family."
after the whole conversation about viktor and marcus, five walked back to the counter to put his glass away and to grab something to eat. as he did so, the lights inside the hotel began to flicker. employees and visitors inside began to question and freeze until the light went back on again.
five shook his head, thinking it's nothing more than a power malfunction and continued to scavenge for his food.
klaus slowly crept his way towards him, "hey. what do you say we get outta here, huh?" he walked around his younger looking brother like a vulture. "take a little.. road trip."
five looked at klaus with the same furrowed brows, moving his eyes from klaus to the selections of entrees. "what are you talking about?" he asked. "i'm talking about a sojourn to the countryside." klaus moved his hands to get his attention. "you and me, the wind in our hair." he flipped his long brown hair sassily. "thelma and louise on the open road."
"you know they die in the end, right?" five let the corner of his lips slightly smile.
"holding hands,"
"living our best life, my little cherub!"
five scooped up some other things to put on his plate while klaus talked in his ear. "listen," klaus whispered. "i nearly died from luther's sleep farts last night." klaus continued to follow him around like a lost puppy. "we need to get out of here, get some fresh air!" —
"okay, i'll bite. why me, klaus?" five finally turned to face the taller man. "because you said, you said — you're retired, and that's what retired people do. and don't you deserve some fun?" klaus sang,
but five was too distracted by the missing lobsters in the fish tank across the counter. "there's no lobsters." five spoke. klaus hummed. "there were three lobsters in that tank a minute ago." klaus shook his head and rolled his eyes, "yeah, well, you know, maybe chet blended 'em into a morning smoothie." he teased.
five gave him an 'are you serious?' look before, "you're an idiot but, i'm in."
"whoo!"
— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️
ben watched (name) walk into the hargreeves mansion with her apron over her arm, her nose still bloody, but she knew she didn’t look as bad as that five guy. ben looked at her up and down with a confused and cocky look on his face. “what?” she raised a brow at him, noticing his stare.
“you saw one of them.” ben pointed at her with a smirk. she giggled, “the time travel dude yeah.” she tossed her apron on the couch. “i still don’t see your reason for working at that dingy old place when were rich and famous, (nickname).” alphonso commented.
all her siblings sat on the couch, watching a movie. “i like interacting with the people there, so many stories, so many lives.” she spoke, ben making a gagging face. (name) threw an empty water bottle at him, “HEY!” ben caught it mid-air with one of his tentacles.
jayme slapped a newspaper roll on (name)'s head. "ow! what?" (name) shot daggers through her (eye color) eyes.
"me and alphonso are going to the pharmacy to grab snacks. care to join?" jayme leaned on the kitchen counter as she faced her little sister. "nah, i might go on a trip, being here around you guys makes me loose my sparkle." (name) displayed jazz hands before chugging down a bottle of orange juice.
"right. sparkle." jayme repeated with a quick chuckle. "just don't crash the car yeah? not like how sloane did." sloane furrowed her brows. "the curb wasn't there when i first looked!" sloane retorted as she melted in her seat.
— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️
"fuck."
"fuck."
(name) crossed her arms in annoyance against the teen boy beside her. before them was the ball of twine, five eagerly asked klaus to turn the car towards. “is this the sunshine that beat your ass to a pulp?” klaus pointed his finegr at (name). five rolled his eyes and slapped his hand away,
“what are you doing here!?” five exclaimed. “i needed time away from my siblings! don’t get your panties in a twist thinking i’m following you dipshit.” (name) let out a loud chuckle as they made eye contact, and their faces practically inches away.
klaus giggled, “if you guys start making out i’m going to start laughing.”
“shut up!” five yelled at klaus. “i mean, we could.” she sent him a flirtatious wink, klaus shared a laugh with her. “i like her. can we keep her?”
“no!” five rubbed his temple before taking klaus by the sleeve, “come on klaus were leaving.” five turned his back to the ball of twine and the young girl. “so soon!? this trip gets so boring alone, fives!” she yelled back, a wide smile plastered on her face. “she’ll be lonely five! she just said!” klaus fought back.
five turned back to (name). he should’ve said no, he should’ve told her to get lost. but why was he so hesitant to do so? why did it feel like he wanted her around?
“fine.” (name) smiled even wider, and hopped towards the brothers, “this is gonna be the best trip ever.” five again pointed a finger at her, “but if you try fighting either one of us, we’re leaving you on the streets, sunshine.” the brunette’s voice hinted with poison.
she kept the smile on her face, her hands up in defense. “i cross my heart.”
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vaguely-concerned · 3 months
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it really is hilarious how little objective quality has to do with how much I'll love an RPG. larian makes games that are objectively very good, but don't really resonate with me personally when I play them, for whatever reason. bioware makes games of wildly erratic levels of quality that cause my soul to vibrate at pitches heard only by dolphins and god.
#I played through the majority of divinity original sin 2 and you could hold me at gunpoint and I still wouldn't remember much of anything#about what the fuck the story was about. I was on a ship at several points and there was a haunted house.#ifan is hot and the dumbest man who ever lived. that's about it#I played ALL of divinity original sin 1 and it's almost a complete blank. I have no memory of this place. who is this woman tegan#meanwhile I have been through the insane open worlds and bloated crafting systems of da:i and me:a more times than sanity should allow#and you know the real fucked up thing? *whisper* I'll do it again. I'll go back to the hinterlands of my own free will#I'll go shard hunting. I'll play dragon age 2 again and again b/c I'd buy a dlc about all the characters in that going grocery shopping#the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing#I guess they got me early with jade empire and that's all she wrote I imprinted or something#I have a vague feeling I don't vibe with the larian pacing maybe? their games tend to open with a bang and then get interminable for me#(again: clearly this is not about me actually having taste or standards for pacing I've played da:i more than seven times lol#very much a thing about me more than about either of these games)#no matter what I'm so grateful to bg3 for bringing the crpg back tho and I hope the industry follows that up#(granted after recent developments the industry might crash and burn and have a little postapocalypse rebuilding to do#before it becomes truly relevant ahahaaaaa god. god.)
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bootyful-seventeen · 11 months
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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scorndotexe · 5 months
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man i feel so fucking hopeless constantly truly what is the fucking point
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asexual-levia-tan · 1 year
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i love the bias + the fan pairings so much because on the surface its very "oh, well, the bias just has to fall for the fan and then its happily ever after" but no! its way more fun than that!
the fan isnt in love with the bias. in fact, the fan doesnt view this world as reality, nor do they even view their bias as a human. the fun part of this pairing is the fan having to recognize the world they live in as their new reality and the people around them as people! the bias falling for the fan is just part one, the fan falling for the bias as an Actual Human Being is just as important an element
#wwaffles bein' an idiot#wwaffles reads stuff#keeps it gender neutral even though i've only seen f!fan/m!bias#miss not-so-sidekick did this pretty well although she did a 'oh this is reality' speedrun#if this one goes well i'd put it up on the same shelf its pretty good so far#we're like 30+ chapters in and she's still referring to him as her favorite character. fantastic#there was another one i was reading that i can't recall the name of (long title i think) that i havent read the end of yet#but it had a similar premise just not done as well#or that is to say. it seemed to skip the 'this is reality now' realization#but the problem with that is HES searching for someone who loves him. and SHE loves him as a fictional character#so hopefully they do address that at some point because that could only go well#anyway back to the actual topic#its actually very similar because cael wants someone who loves him for him#and she just wants him to be happy and to shove all her affection on him because shes his fan#she doesnt even factor herself into the equation of his happiness because he's not real and she is#she's still lowkey thinking she's gonna go home eventually (maybe?? unclear)#anyway i just love this particular subgenre its so good#also what happened to her depression. i mean having a bias is just like that but she wasnt doing so hot either#i wonder if there'll be a antagonists pet reveal where she's actually miserable#and a big part of 'i'll devote my life to my bias!' is that she literally has nothing else to live for
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girlbob-boypants · 10 months
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Oh. That was it. Uhm...
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izzy-b-hands · 7 months
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On a happier note, Housemate recently reminded that Aerie exists and has cheaper prices/decent sales, so I'm letting myself window shop some fun slutty lil thangs to potentially buy for this summer (if I can save up for them in time, and if they fit well enough for me to wear out. The shorts I think will be safe. The tops...I am still breasting so boobily that those might at least need a coverup to be worn in public, but they're so lovely all the same)
...I did in fact originally go looking on their site for office work type pants (old ones literally need a belt nearly as tight as it'll go to stay up on me and it sucks, they're my nicest trousers and what I use for any in person interviews but. they're not looking so nice anymore considering how old they are and how they fit now lmao). I'll find some too. Probably. I have a page open with the nicer/office type trousers open at least, I swear-
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captainsweet · 1 year
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This is just going to be me ranting about something that particularly annoys me, so don't take it too seriously, but it drives me up a metaphorical wall.
But, the thing is, I just finished reading some new parts of a Rise fic I really liked, it was funny, and a good story sure, until I saw the word 'twin' be thrown around about five times in one chapter.
I honestly thought I was exaggerating, so I continued, and the word 'twin' just kept on appearing. So I just decided to count how many times it comes up just to see if I was being crazy, y'know?
In the course of a couple of chapters, the word, 'twin' is thrown around 64 different times. Not accounting for any notes, tags, or the latest chapter they posted since it wasn't an official one.
To make this clearer, the word twin, referring to Rise Donnie and Leo specifically, was mentioned 64 different times. One chapter holding 13 mentions of them being twins alone.
Now, I don't know why in the world it needed to be mentioned 64 different times, but hey, it's none of my business. And I really wouldn't be bothered if being twins wasn't their one specific trait, especially around each other.
And it only gets worse in the new chapters. Everytime they mention each other it's like they are incapable of not calling the other their twin, and.. this thing annoys me to my goddamn core.
It doesn't matter, I know that, but it's so annoying to see people make Donnie and Leo being twins their one special thing even though they're not even twins in the dang show. Normally that wouldn't bother me, and it doesn't, but for you to reduce a character to a trait they canonically don't even have is just bizarre.
I'm not gonna mention the writer, and I hate criticizing writers or artists like this in general, but it's so unbelievably mind numbing to see Donnie and Leo get reduced to being twins over and over again as if it actually matters? All it is, is the day they were born. That's it! That's all, yet so many people are obsessed with making it an important factor?
They are so much more than just twins, and have so much more to them than a couple of traits in the show. Yet so many people just, ignore that? Especially in some fics?
Not to mention in the particular story, Raph and Mikey hardly ever appear unless it's for the same couple of jokes, and just leaves me longing for more development on them but nope! Gotta shove some more twin content in there!
I have absolutely no problem with people liking the Disaster Twins, and making stories centered around them, but they are so much more than just twins, and so much more than their relationship with each other. They have other family members too, acknowledge them.
This is not only with this particular author, this has happened multiple times and it's just plain annoying. If you like Leo and Donnie more, just say that. There's no reason you should add their brothers in, and then just discard them to the point they don't even seem like they are siblings anymore. They're just close friends at that point, and it's just angering for me.
I don't see it all that much anymore, but so many people still make Leo and Donnie being 'twins' in Rise this big thing when they aren't even twins, and probably wouldn't mention the fact they are if they weren't explaining their ages because it literally means nothing in the end. They're just brothers that happened to be born on the same day, that's it.
I'm not a twin myself, so I obviously can't speak for actual twins, but even the twins I've known personally hardly mentioned the fact they were twins other than to make a couple of jokes here and then. In no world should them being twins be so important to you that it's mentioned 64 different times. That's just insane.
It is different than simply having a sibling, I get that. Being twins is definitely different in a way, and comes with different experiences, but it should never be that important to the point they mention it 13 TIMES IN ONE CHAPTER.
Skipping past the slightly serious part, 64 different times?? Would they, like, forget if they didn't say it? Fr 13 times in one conversation? I don't think I've even done that with my proclaimed Twin before, because that's, that's just crazy.
#I truly mean no hate to the author I'm talking about. And I honestly have no real problems with their story I just find it annoying now#There's practically a twin joke every chapter and it's no longer funny at this point it's just expected.#I'm probably going to stop reading it but I just really get annoyed when chacters are reduced to specific traits. like they're so much more#And Raph and Mikey are practically just side characters compared to Leo and Donnie? I literally could not tell you their personalities#They're like ghosts. Hallucinations. Hardly there. And it's kind of sad because of how often people do that and ugghh#I have so many thoughts.#But really this was something that just bothered me and I decided to get it out because it happens so much#tmnt#rottmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#stupid rant#sorry for the rant#rant#I'd live input because I feel like ass saying this.. but my main gripe is people reducing Donnie and Leo to being twins#“It's because they're twins!” HUH? Honey that's quite literally magical that has nothing to do with their twinnage please explain#If I'm in the wrong I'll admit it but I don't think I am so that's why this is just something that annoys ME and I hate encountering#If people love them being twins snd make something centered around it that's awesome and I've loved some stuff like that myself!#But they aren't ONLY twins and seeing this story mention the favt they were at every turn practically reduced them to nothing BUT twins#Raph and Mikey are sidelined so much it's crazy and it feels like they hardly exist sometimes compared to Leo snd Donnie who always appear#That's all really. It's just annoying. That's it so I ranted about it. I'm just going to draw more after this tbh#Okay.. actually much hate to the author because they're a TCESTER and blocked me which was very nice of them so.. yeah#Just don't hate on other people who do what I said in the main post but THAT WAS A PLOT TWIST I BEVER SAW COMING I'LL SAY THAT#I no longer feel bad for making fun of them this is the greatest turn of events that could've ever happened to me LMAO#But genuinely I still see that twin stuff a lot past the weirdo so I feel I'm still valid#long rant
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clawing at the walls
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xx-sharpfawngz-xx · 2 years
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Spent lik 2 hours doodling but i'm just not really *producing* anything which is okay but oh so frustrating
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steampoweredskeleton · 3 months
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Ignore
#delete later#too anxious to sleep. which sucks bc i was having a decent brain weekend after the migraine debacle#but nothing to be done. i just hate being in limbo so much. i wanted to look at applying to that other job but changing#jobs AND moving at the same time is a real bad financial idea. especially if I'll need to move alone. its no ones fault#just shitty timing. so now im super anxious. idk whether to check that job out anyway. it would certainly improve things if#i could get a better wage. but its not gonna be in time so whats the point ya know. i hate unknown. im just super tired#i keep putting off getting a therapist until i know i can budget it but at this rate that may be never so maybe i just do it now#bc my level of functioning is not great and maybe i can get help. im just so tired all the time.#theres also a lil bit of frustration that if i do move out alone it will be somewhere shittier. like it just will be. and i wanted to#be in a less shitty place. but at the same time yeah it makes sense and is fine and rhe warning is good. just the news sucks.#but it is what it is. and I'll live with it. its no ones fault shit just sucks sometimes. but im being dramatic. no one knows the future#but at the same time i need to process abd be alright with worst case#i cant do a house share again. i can't. so it'll need to be a studio so I'll probably end up in kent which is fine#one upside would be that itd be way easier if i wanted to have a Hot Boy Winter or whatever. fuck yeah.#its fine ill chill out. im just in the processing phase and that Always Sucks#maybe i could get a beetle. or a rat. the possibilities are endless
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