#but there are valuable details.

[bilaudad]

wing stuff!

experimenting with a more cartoon style, idk what i'm doing loll

tagging: @goodomensafterdark <3

[lotus-pear]

bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

[commander-goo]

[ofmermaidstories]

there’s something so bittersweet and lovely about fanfic, at it’s core. it’s so impermeable, because it’s so individual. fics don’t get finished. fics get lost because they were typed out and sent to friends, in the 70s, and somewhere along the way someone packed it up in a cardboard box and their kids shuffled it to the attic. websites go down. archives get built, but then people lose faith in the story or the canon or the creator and delete them. you read it at like, 3am, and can’t remember the title months later when you look for it again.

the tiktok these comments are from was lamenting about the loss of a favourite fic—it (the tiktok) had 85k+ likes, and over 700 comments, mostly similar to these. people talking about downloading fics to read on a tablet only for them to disappear the next day. using the wayback machine and combing through results, just to find something they loved. i think it’s sweet because it’s so human—how easily we love something, and how easily we lose it. i used to print out my favourite fics, as a kid—i still have a binder of them, buried under yearbooks and the old journals i kept during those topsy turvy preteen years. i could tell you the overarching plot to a Cardcaptor Sakura fantasy AU i read (and loved; it became my personality for months afterwards) but i can’t remember how it ended, or if it even did. i finally broke down and signed up for an account on AO3 specifically to bookmark an old, old fic that i had read somewhere else, years and years and years ago and found again on AO3 only because i accidentally stumbled on the author here on tumblr (i had only found the fic in the first place all those years ago because of a playlist). i used the same shade of lipstick for years purely because a fic i really liked had the main character apply it (it was a limited edition one at the time; i bought my first one from a ebay seller in the UK at double the retail price, lmao) while the love interest watched them, but i can’t remember the name of it, only how it made me feel (and how, for years afterwards, i would wear that shade whenever i felt like the day had something promising to it).

one of the first anon’s i ever got, in the early days of this tumblr, was someone who asked me if it was okay if they downloaded surrender—and of course it was. of course it is. there was a point, during the final stretch when i was trying to write the last chapter, that i almost lost the entirety of what i had written for that fic—and i mean, it was on AO3 by that stage so it would’ve only set me back a chapter or so, but it goes to show how fragile things can be. how sometimes fics only last in tiny ways—because of the unfinished PDF file someone downloads. The patchy memory of someone’s who’s jumbling it and three other fics together. Because someone wore the same shade of lipstick you mentioned, off-hand, for years afterwards.

(this is a love letter to the silent readers; the silent savers. the lurkers. fandom and the internet at large is made of lurkers (eighty-five thousand likes. seven hundred comments). people who saved fics and waybacked them and will reread them, even uncompleted. telling each other we did a good job, that we liked this or we liked that is wonderful, and fun, and a great (and important) way to build a community and has also given me my current friends—but sometimes something you make will matter and live on in a way you will never, ever know. and it’s just how it is. it’s part of the fun and it’s part of the charm. it’s just how we work as people.)

[sleepyblr-heart]

the culmination of 10~ hours of work. a GUY

also the failures

[bluecoolr]

Me when I put my heart and soul into something I made and it flops

[rockingtheorange]

When people don't call Nicholas

babygirl, Bambi, sunshine, baby cupcake, sweet angel baby bean sweetest human ever, poopy pants, little ruru, little cheeky superstar...

(Someone should hire me instead of letting me make these idiotic edits)

[icewindandboringhorror]

There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.

[katnissandpeetamellark]

The 25th Hunger Games Quarter Quell twist being the districts voting for WHO will “represent them” in the Hunger Games is sooo!!

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

a lot of your career anxieties feel more emotional than real? i know ur shop is legit doing worse now and the music industry is quiet til march etc but it feels like a lot of the free fall thing is more anxiety based than like. a reflection of your actual financial position. have u considered speaking to a therapist?

thanks for saying this bestie, this is really really REALLY helpful and a good reality check.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

"You were so right to distance yourself from that group of people !"

Thanks for the ego boost. I did it with the help of my coping mechanisms, my trauma responses and the ability to over-analyse everything until it makes sense.

Now, spill the tea. What happened, in great details.

[ernmark]

I'm thinking about ghost stories.

I'm thinking how ghost stories are so many things, but so often they are histories.

And I think how many times ghost investigators will look into the records of a place and learn about the people who lived and worked there, the ones who were never important enough to make history, but some detail about their life matches up to that unexplained smell, or that snatch of tune you can hear hummed when you pass that room, or those odd shadows.

And in some small way, by telling that ghost story, you bring that person into the present. Even if they had nothing to do with those odd sensations we can't otherwise explain, we are invoking them. We are raising this distant person from obscurity and remembering them, learning their duties or their tragedies or their crimes.

We tell ghost stories to scare ourselves. We tell them to entertain.

And we tell them say "this person was here. This happened. This mattered."

[d8tl55c]

thanks to you i've been hyperaware of cursor motions (both mine and others') for the past 4 days haha

especially when stressed, there's a tendency to both move the cursor faster but also overshoot. also, apparently some people move their cursors in arcs instead of straight lines.

you're welcome! _o/ and im sorry. xd it reminds me of being aware of breathing....

im definitely an arc-mouser. it helps me zero in on a target, and i like to watch it and/or the things im dragging around fly in pretty curves while im thinking. turns that human error into a nice lil swoosh

(ofc whenever i go to study my own behavior i can't stop arcing even when it's unnecessary so. could be a bias there lol)

[squisheebugdoodles]

my current way to cope with what crud my brain has been doing lately is by turning on tom cardy's artificial intelligence and thinking about how much i love robot and ai characters and their "humanity" and how much i relate to them

it is pretty effective for the most part!

[tardis--dreams]

Writing a wall of text getting hit with a moment of introspection which has you asking yourself 'babe, do you even have a Point??' to which you must admit. You don't know anymore

[shoechoe]

I almost forgot to mention. I find it interesting how Diavolo consistently refers to Doppio in the third person and the two of them with the plural "we", but when Doppio is about to take damage, Diavolo says "I can't let my foot get hurt because that is a loss to me"