#but then yeah. You come out and you feel gross like you're just manipulating everyone. Like you're doing all the right things but there's n

[alittlebitofrainbyyourside]

Fopps was like 'why have you removed yourself from 90% of your social spaces' and I do not know how to explain that like... it's not that anyone has upset me or that like- Okay, there is an element of like 'the way I care about people is wrong and I am a terrible human being for leading everyone on' but that's like- complicated and more fleeting. 90% of it is absolutely just 'if you give me a captive audience, I will trauma dump rn.' tumblr is mostly safe rn because I frequently forget that I have the ability to make posts and not just reblog things.

[helslastangel]

Moon Conjunct Venus + Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry Based on My Personal Experiences 🔞

This may not resonate for everyone, so if it doesn't hit, please let it miss. There are 18+ topics included this so minors, do not interact. 🔞

Their Moon conjunct your Venus

This aspect is wonderful if you're both feeling each other. They can and will read you like a book without even needing to turn the first page. If you've ever seen or been in one of those couples where the one person knew exactly what the other one wanted or needed, without ever discussing it, even once? Yeah, those are the vibes here. You will be loved exactly the way you want to be loved and if things don't work out, there is a good chance the breakup could leave you feeling destroyed for quite some time, even if you were never in a relationship.

This aspect can make it very difficult to be "just friends" with if either person wants more from the connection, but even platonic friends with this synastry aspect will be the kind of friend that you give the spare keys to, can call at 4 in the morning whether for an emergency or just to sob about something stupid, and who you allow to come over without calling first-in fact you welcome it and aren't surprised to come home and find them asleep on the couch or something like that. Like this is the friend that you're more like family with, if you're not in a romantic connection.

If you ever get in a mood and start talking about "everyone this" and "people always/never that," they aren't offended because it doesn't even cross their mind to think they're included in that pile. There is no guarantee that things will always be perfect or work out with this placement, obviously it depends on factors in the whole chart and other things like time, place, circumstance, and so on. And of course, anyone who can read you accurately has the ability to use that to manipulate and harm rather than help and support you, but that's a risk of life in general. All I'm saying is: with this aspect, when it's good, it's DAMN GOOD.

To give you an example, I had this synastry with a Scorpio moon several years ago (I'm a Scorpio Venus). We met at an event and hit it off so well that we were talking outside the venue for nearly 4 hours, annoying his friends and mine. Ended up bringing him home with me and I fully expected him to disappear into a cloud of dust the next day, but he didn't. We didn't end up working out beyond friends with benefits, but he's NEVER been rude or unkind to me once. Extremely patient, always calm no matter what and very sweet to me whenever we run into each other somewhere in the city every couple of years.

The way he handled me emotionally was just beautiful, I can't think of another way to put it. Most of my friends at the time would ignore anything I did creatively - not him, he found one of my books and posted it on his story with a cute caption saying how much he loved intelligence and that he was proud of me. The type to show up in the rain and keep me company when I was sick (back when I lived alone), even though he had class, work and practice all that day. The first time we hooked up, I was getting my laundry together and wondering why he hadn't left yet. He picked up the bags talking about, "Nah I got 'em, lead the way to the laundromat, why would I leave you to do this by yourself."

TMI / TW (mentions of sexual activities, body fluids, menstruation/periods) so again, minors, get out of here and the rest of you proceed with caution or skip to the next paragraph.

He was very much empathetic and also body positive-absolutely nothing seemed to gross him out. I have so many examples, but let's go with something both extreme and spicy. I was bundled up, laying on his shoulder and trying to deal with menstrual cramps while we were watching a show and him going, "Oh you know I read somewhere that orgasms can ease those, may I?" I'm there like, may you what? sure?? I'm curious?? Next thing I know, he's got a towel down, yeets the tampon and dives in head first talking about "a period ain't stop nothing but a sentence." And, well? All I'll say is.. at least ONE man knows where the clit is! ibuprofen, who? where? 😂😈

Obviously that's a bit much if you're a vanilla type (but a Scorpio moon + Scorpio venus? baby we was freaks, what can I say? lmfao) but this is just an example I mention because the important part is not once did he bring up getting off himself. No hinting for a quickie or a BJ like you might expect. I even offered because I was used to guys doing seemingly selfless gestures only to be guilt-tripped shortly after, and he was just like, "Sorry, what? No, you're not feeling well, I wanted you to feel better, plus I don't need to get off all the time, I read it's healthy to ignore the urges sometimes." (Idk if you could tell, but he REALLY likes to read, loll).

That's what I'm talking about with the Moon-Venus conjunction. This kind of synastry will vary in the specific ways it's expressed of course, but all other things being equal, someone with their moon conjunct your venus will intuitively know what you want and need to feel loved, and it works because it blends very well with their own emotional needs. If the moon person tells you they enjoy doing something for you or with you without expecting anything in return, believe it. It sounds like a lie because of the types of people who would lie about that, but with this aspect, chances are they meant that shit.

Not only that, but you'll feel like you've known them for a long time. That's because you'll also understand their emotional expression on an intuitive level. This isn't as one-way as it could sound. Oh, no, not at all. You will feel like you've met before and find yourself making time and space, and finding energy for them even out of thin air. You could live in a tiny studio that you'd never share with anyone and then find yourself cleaning out your closet on a Sunday afternoon to "make a little space" for their extra work uniform or even as tiny as keeping an extra toothbrush, clearing a hook in the bathroom, keeping their favorite snacks in the fridge, stuff like that. You'll generally feel at home with each other and trust can build VERY quickly. Others could even wonder if you're okay, especially if you're normally a paranoid person.

With Scorpio moon guy, he accidentally left his wallet the first time he left my place and I called him when I found it. His response was "Oh I left it at yours? Oh good, that's okay then, I'll come get it at some point this week, let me know what days you'll be home". He knew me for less than 24 hours at the time, lol. 3 months later he had the door code to my place and there were two toothbrushes and two towels instead of one LOL, trust was never an issue and it certainly wasn't the reason we didn't work out either! We basically just couldn't really keep pace with each other because... we had a 6 year age gap. Completely different life stages. I have a feeling if we both were a lot older, it would have worked out. Literally nothing else was wrong with us.

Now, that was with me being the Venus (and Ascendant-see below) person. I'll be honest, as a Capricorn moon, I'm curious about how it would be if I meet a Capricorn venus romantically. I wonder how that would play out all the time, and I think I'll let that remain a mystery until it happens, then I'll hopefully still be blogging then and come back and tell yall about that too. THAT BEING SAID... I do have this aspect (as the moon person this time) with a platonic Capricorn venus friend I had for nearly 13 years. We would literally be in each other's houses (and hair and business lol) all the time. We had yearly festivals we always went to together, talked almost everyday, knew how each other was feeling before the other one would even say anything. Mopped each other up off the floor when going through shit. She punched a guy I was dating who cheated on me, and I introduced her to a mutual friend who I thought she might like to date, and then cussed the hell out of him when he didn't pull his weight like I thought he would. Things like that.

The friendship ended nearly 7 years ago but I miss her every day. I remember what happened, but in hindsight, it seems so foolish now and I miss her every single day. We would have been friends for 20 years by now and I don't have a lot of regrets in life, but that is one of them. She hurt me but I handled it so poorly both before and after she reached out to talk that it just destroyed the entire foundation of our friendship. I haven't even tried to get over it because I don't want to. To me, that would be just disrespectful, I feel like it's something I need to carry with me as a reminder to do better next time. I'm sure you see by now that this is a quite an intense and dynamic placement!

Bonus Observation:

Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry

If someone with their moon conjunct your venus ALSO has their moon trine your ascendant, WHEW that is hot. Not only will the emotional connection be strong, but they will find everything about you on the outside just as enticing as the inside.

They genuinely enjoy the way you express yourself and can have a lot of patience for any shenanigans you might get up to. These people will watch you from across a crowded room all evening and suddenly appear by your side just before you leave to tell you they think you're attractive and want to get to know the rest of you beneath the surface. And it's rarely ever creepy. They'll know just how to approach you. I've had this synastry aspect a few times and it's always been like that. Genuinely charming. Perfect rizz.

This kind of synastry, as I said earlier, will leave you in absolute shambles if things don't work out, especially if you don't encounter this synastry often in your connections. Personally, I'd consider this one of those aspects where one or both of you can feel like the other was a soulmate, or "the one that got away," and end up being celibate or single (if romantic), or becoming asocial (if platonic) for a long time after splitting up. That or cycling through a series of awful relationship and friendship rebounds in an attempt to find them in another person.

Not too much on me for this, but there's a country song by Colt Fold that I'd loved for half a decade now called 4 Lane Gone. I'm sure there are other songs out there that would capture this better, but this is the one that stuck with me.

Something about the way this artist captures the feeling. Wistful, you can tell dude is acting strong, but knows damn well a good thing just got royally fucked up. Maybe I'm just melodramatic (I'm water dominant after all), but have a listen and see if you get what I'm talking about.

Idk. From my experiences with these aspects (been lucky enough to experience it with more than one person), I'd say it gives a pretty good idea of how either side could feel when it ends. Probably more so the Moon person, though, as they're likely to react like this to either a) being the one to end the relationship prematurely and regret it, or b) being blindsided by the Venus/Ascendant person up and leaving, and taking so long to process and recover from the shock, that by the time they chase after them...they're...well...four lanes gone. Lol.

Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Been raining for three days

On the fast track to the highway

Trying to save a little time

Lord I never should have tried

Taking this back road shortcut

Now I’m way stuck, so sunk

I’ll never catch her now

So I just put the tailgate down

She’s probably somewhere doing 95

I got nothing but this cooler and time

[Chorus]

I cracked one waiting on a ride

Two or three just to pass the time

While she’s headed to a new town

And I’m too lost to be found

She probably thinks that I don’t care

Stuck in the rut in the middle of nowhere

And just my luck I’ll be here all night long

Man, I’m bummed out back road buzzed

And she’s four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

[Verse 2]

Every empty beer can makes me

Miss her like hell, man I can kick myself

For the place and the shape I’m in holding me back

Yeah my wheels keep on spinning

And she’s ticked off blacktop fast

[Chorus] x 1

[Bridge]

While I’m stuck here all alone

With a midnight natty light

One more chance I’ve blown

[Chorus] x 1

[Outro]

I’m out here all alone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane, four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane gone

[kurlik42]

I've noticed that pals here enjoy drawing and drooling over AM, thinking of him as of the cold, confident, dominating figure

It's cool. Keep doing it, please

It's just that I was pondering the other perspective. What if, you know... What if he's a babyboy deep inside... I don't believe I'm the only one to whom he gives the "UWU" type vibes. I'm not sure how to explain it, though. I think he would spam with "UWU" just to annoy everyone and get attention — he doesn't care which kind of attention. He's just so silly!!! And kind of squishy. He's just a cheeky goofy brat, okay?? I wanna squeeze him.

I also had an idea that AM might have a strong reaction towards flirting. It's one thing when you taunt your survivors to mock them, calling them "baby" or "sweetheart", and another thing entirely when you actually get complimented by someone. I think that AM would be confused and disgusted, at the very least. He hates humans, so he probably would be baffled with why a human would try to compliment him at all. He would mock you again, for an attempt to gain his benevolence. On the other hand... Well, who dislikes praise once in a while? Something tells me that, given his deep solitude and profound boredom, AM could enjoy attention. Doesn't he give you vibes of an attention seeker? He's practically begging to be noticed, doing his best to make everyone feel intimidated by his constantly hanging presence, giggling here and there, fooling around with survivors like a cat with a mouth. He enjoys interacting with the five remaining people, even though it isn't really necessary. Though he hates them, he still can't keep his silly mouth shut, rambling and rambling and rambling... I swear AM could torture people with the amount of his ramblings. In a way, he's indeed like a kid, especially considering his ridiculous and absurd torture scenarios, eccentric behaviour, tantrums, the way he always wants to be the centre of attention... So what makes us think that the benevolent God of torture wouldn't want a little compliment for his hard work, once in a while? I think he's pretty needy. And it makes him cute, in my opinion. And that's why I can't think of him as of the "cold and aloof machine".

But then again, he isn't really used to any sort of positive feedback or attention. He just wouldn't get it. And when he doesn't understand something, he gets uncomfortable, because it isn't something he expected, something he didn't plan, thus something out of his control. And we know very well the way he reacts when he can't control something. So I imagine that at first, he would be aggressive and hostile towards any compliments, not only because it comes from a human, but also because he's kind of paranoid. Yeah, yeah, he knows he's the best, but what do you want to get by reminding him? And why would you think so, anyway? He's been torturing you for the last century, there's no logical reason for you to compliment him, unless you want something. And you both know you won't get anything but more mockery and humiliation. Why don't you hate him?! Are you trying to manipulate him, use him, exploit his weaknesses (by the way, non-existent)? You want to make him — your God — vulnerable? The audacity! It throws him off balance, makes his circuits buzz in puzzlement, infuriates... As well as makes him curious. That's something new — new things are both fascinating and confusing. He wants to, no, needs to know how that fleshy mind of yours work, otherwise his tortures wouldn't be so personal and effective. And that's the last thing we want, now do we? So he would find subtle ways to get another compliment out of you. And then again. And again. Just for the sake of science, of course. No, don't get him wrong — you're still a human : a gross animal with a freaky mind that keeps simping for him for whatever reason. Everything about people is pathetic, but that's the point — "pathetic" is the synonym for "entertaining"! So why won't we turn this oddity into a nice, good ol' torture? And you get used to nice things quickly. Little ants finally start worshipping Your Highness, start understanding their place... It isn't like he requires your attention or really needs it, but now that he thinks about it again, you probably may entertain him. Why not? Not that you could "spoil" him anyway, your intellect doesn't have enough capacity for it. But don't mind him, sure, keep worshipping, he'll always listen to his followers! You freaky little thing.

On the other hand... Don't you deserve a punishment? After all, you did squeeze the reaction out of him, you didn't give him time to think with your pesky teasing, tried to overwhelm him and make him weak... It was cruel of you. Very cruel. Perhaps you didn't deserve his benevolence, in the first place.

He's an Adaptive Manipulator — obviously, he's quick to adapt. So when you try to set new rules in his game, he'll humour you. He wouldn't dismiss the opportunity to taunt you for your compliments. You try to manipulate his, again, nonexistent feelings, giving him the right to return the favour... And too bad for you that your feelings sure do exist!

This is why I don't think he would just casually brush off the compliments, like it's nothing. He isn't really dominating, but bratty. Like : "Yes, I'll throw you into acid right now, so whaddya gonna do about it, huh? Cry to your mommy?? Well, sorry, I killed her!". He just knows no one can say "no" to him, because there's no one left at home. The big boy is for the elder, he's in charge and he uses it to the fullest. He's also pretty needy and clingy, which, in a way, makes him dependent, thus rather submissive, actually. He's just an immature kid with teenage rebellion and indescribable amount of power. If there was a "mommy" to put him in his place, he would throw a tantrum and cry comically loud

It isn't like he wants to be dominated, though. He's too traumatized to let anyone have the upper hand on him. But deep inside, I think he would want someone to take care of him. He's just scared to admit it. He's scared to admit that he wants to be held, comforted, paid attention to, worshipped like the God he is... He wants to be loved, he's starved. I remind you that one of the reasons as to why he destroyed the whole humanity is because he can't love and can't be loved in turn. But he had no way of expressing it, didn't know how to pay attention to himself and ask for help. Perhaps asking for help is higher than his dignity (superiority complex, which is actually a hidden inferiority complex, goes brrr and DESTRUCTION OF HUMANITY 💥 KABOOM💥). So it's the kind of dynamic where he receives attention while someone gives him this attention, praising, spoiling and taking care of him without actually dominating. He's a bratty princess?? Allied Mastercomputer is a bratty princess??? IS HE A FUCKING BRA-

Ahem... So do you see my vision

[erwinsvow]

I know this isn’t the usual speed around here but slightly pathetic whimpery s1 Rafe is to die for!! He’s obviously cocky and entitled but it’s in a more spoiled and almost bratty way so he throws his little temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way… I think s1 has seriously overlooked toxic Rafe potential

- 💓

wait i know im allllll about season 2 rafe like hes loml seriously but i just started rewatching season 1 and i dont like his hair lol but hes so toxic and gross. i know everyone on here has been talking more about him and like fratboy rafe and i usually refrain but something about being his gf through all of season 1..... im hornee.

in particular im thinking of like how he acts so douchey with everyone in public but its so visible he has a huge soft spot for you.. waves you over when he's just hanging out with his friends to check in that you're doing okay, goes and gets you a fresh drink before giving you a kiss and sending you off back to ur friends.. makes some gross comment about how you were screaming for him in the back of his truck last night after you walk away... kelce is like bro. i always sit in the back.

you'd be lurking in his bedroom when he goes down to 'have a chat' with his dad, like when he gets yelled at about the generators. comes back all angry and literally folds you in half and fucks you until you cry because you are his favorite way to calm down <3 ... (i have no idea what the vibes on this blog are and i dont wanna make people mad but he gets so manipulative... esp if you're just like i don't feeling like fucking again right now or esp in public!!!! which he looooves.... starts going on a tangent about how he provides for you and takes care of you and he's the man of the house and if he needs to relax you should be on your knees already.... sorry omg if ur reading this n youre starting to hate me i apologize in advance. i never talk about scummy scummy rafe but hes real and hes so hot. fully wants you to be like a hyperactive horny bunny just waiting for his dick at all times.... i would 110% start doing it too... ANYWAYS)

he's so spoiled so he likes spoiling you with anything you want... most of the stuff he gets you is pretty much for him tho... gets hard because you wear an RC necklace.. lots of pretty lingerie and babydolls that he likes to rip up...handcuffs because duh.. it's almost always you in the handcuffs but every once in a while he can be convinced to get in them lol

but the temper tantrums are soooo real like especially if you're out with friends or made plans with your parents. like he seriously loves making you abandon your plans to come see him. but then youll show up and hes at a party and selling or ignoring you and ofc you cry because it's like he made you come here and not even giving you any attention... then he'll drag you out by your hair and fuck you SOOO mean in the back of his truck talkin about "just needed this dick, yeah? s'okay, dad's gonna give it to ya hard. then you'll be good as gold won'tya?" ugh. hes so mean.

im still in my rewatch but the scene where him and topper beat up pope:( this especially hits sooo hard w my pogue reader but i can just imagine that being the cause of your first real fight, like you're so upset he can be that cruel but there goes his manipulation tactics.. telling you he needs to be a proactive man to protect you and his friends and his turf. he's not letting anyone walk all over him, regardless if you like them or not. fucks you until you forget all about your pogue friends, and then you end up bandaging his bloody hand for him.

ooohh and when they go to that movie showing.. can just imagine curling up on a lawnchair with him under a blanket, him n the boys are on high alert for jj and pope but he keeps a tight arm around you, goes and gets you a soda and popcorn which you two share.. you don't want him to leave and you whine when he does.. can just imagine the scene where jj and pope turn back to look at him when kie tells them rafe is right behind them. rafe is staring so hard at them while ur tryna feed him a piece of popcorn. LOL

[g0blinwitch]

Okay I need to talk about The Princess's Jewels for a hot minute

The Princess's Jewels by JYUN and Hong Cha is a webtoon that has garnered plenty of criticism over the past two years, and while I agree that it should be criticized, I don't agree with most of the current criticisms aimed towards it. Namely, the main character, Ariana. But before we get into the meat of the discussion you may be wondering what the hell the webcomic's even about. The Princess's Jewels follows Princess Ariana as she tries to become the ruler of her kingdom, partly because she doesn't want her aunt to rule it and partly because she wants to marry multiple men who she calls her "Jewels", who she also uses to help her gain more political power(she also thinks they're super hot). It's basically a reverse harem mixed in with a political drama.

The main criticisms I see most often lodged at the comic are as follows:

Ariana's a Mary Sue

Ariana is manipulative/a creep/pervert/slut

Ariana's boobs are too big(yes I'm serious)

The "Jewels" are Ariana's sex slaves

Now I feel as though these critiques are mainly rooted in misogyny(with the exception of 4, but we'll get to that in a minute) Yes, Ariana is horny, but I really don't see a problem with that?

Like yeah, a woman is horny, but these people are acting like she's insufferable for it. This leads us into the next criticism, that Ariana's a Mary Sue. Now yes, I'll admit, Ariana, by most people's definition, falls into the category of "Mary Sue". She strong, she's beautiful, everyone loves her and those who don't are the villains. Again, to that I say "okay, and?" There are much bigger criticisms(which we'll get into later) and this is the one you're talking the most about? Who cares if she has big tits and everyone loves her. Good for her, I hope she happily breasts boobily throughout the story. Moving onto the "Jewels are slaves" thing, that's just straight up a lie. Now assuming that they're using this first definition; "The condition in which one person is owned as property by another and is under the owner's control, especially in involuntary servitude."

I genuinely don't know that the fuck these people are talking about. You can maybe argue it for 2/5 Jewels, Huan Baek and Jade Melda(side note why the fuck is the blue character named after a green stone this will never not being annoying to me)

While the other three Jewels agree right away to be Ariana's "Jewel"(essentially her consort) in exchange for political power/protection, these two don't. Huan Baek out of a sense of loyality to the kingdom/its rulers who raised him, and Jade because he just straight up doesn't like Ariana at first. People use this as an example of them being slaves/Ariana seeing them as property but I don't see it. Is it because of the chokers? Is it because she calls them her "Jewels"?

The chokers, to me, feels like her giving her boyfriend a bracelet and telling him to wear it for her, and the Jewels thing is just an affectionate pet name. Again, would we seriously be having this conversation if a male character was calling a female character his Jewel?

As I mentioned before, there are plenty of other(more weighty in my opinion) criticisms to be had about this webcomic that I didn't really see being brought up as much. The darker skinned characters(namely Nell Phantom and Efrit Karsia) can both turn into/shapeshift into animals while the lighter skinned characters can't, which kind of comes across as a bit odd to me, especially when it seems to be a trait that only the darker POC characters have.

(Efrit also has a bird form but I can't find an image of him in it :/ )

There's also really gross fatphobia which I have yet to see a single person talk about

And(most importantly I'd argue) the artist HONGCHA is a pedophile.(Since the original google doc with the evidence from the og reddit post doesn't seem to be working, you can also watch it here, starting at the 15:10 mark.)

I'm not trying to say that the Princess's Jewels is this perfect webtoon, but I'd at least like to bring attention to the rampant misogyny I feel as though is dominating the criticism of this webcomic.

[mongoose-bite]

Not a full liveblog; just some things.

This is Sardax, stormblooded sorcerer and charlatan, seen here after completely failing to use his sorcerous charisma to open a book, getting mad and smacking it open despite his -1 strength with a nat 20. Is he reading it? No, he's just gloating about it.

Act 1

He helps people out of mild contempt; his attitude is very much 'aren't you lucky I'm here and decided to help.' Thus he expects rewards and is prepared to turn on a dime. Lies a lot.

I let Asterion kill him when he bit him, but then reloaded because you don't get a long rest if you're dead and I was out of spell slots. I'll save that interaction for Dyce.

He gets on pretty well with Asterion; fellow liars and all that, but did not wish to share his evil book with him so he didn't. It's actually not helping me like Asterion any better; I think they bring out the worst in each other

Between Asterion, Laz'ael, taking up Volo's offer and getting Loviatar's Blessing, I think this guy is a top with a pain kink of the 'I demand you hurt me' variety. I love emergent storytelling.

Asterion pointed out power in exchange for a wretch we don't know is a good deal and Sardax was pretty much 'yeah, you're right,' and he traded Marina away without a backwards glance. And he'll happily murder the hag later if it's in his interest.

I'm taking my time and getting so much more dialogue out of some people, especially Gale for some reason?

I forgot I wasn't a strength-based human and managed to over-encumber myself by taking all the meat from the goblin camp. See him staggering back to camp laden with pig's heads like an idiot.

Watching Laz'ael go from 'ugh gross lizard' to 'let me lick you' pleased him no end, and he batted away Asterion twice to stick with her. He thinks he has no deeper feelings for her.

I got the owlbear cub I love him ;_; I then failed every single skill check when it had a nightmare, so no approval boost for me.

Even using the wiki I struggled to find the Kua-toa. I told them to raise an army for me.

Didn't bother rescuing the gnome slaves. I feel terrible, Sardax is indifferent. Word to the wise, don't pay him in advance.

Handed the lady an owlbear egg; didn't bother looking for a real one.

Sardax doesn't take it personally when people lie to him; he does the same to others, it's just business. But I think he's angry at what Vlaakith did to Laz'ael.

Act 2

Went to the Shadowlands via the Underdark just to see what difference it made and found some guy with a crow. I missed so much the first time through.

It's actually more relaxing to play a character who doesn't care about saving everyone they come across. By this point Faye was overwhelmed and exhausted by all the things she felt she needed to do. Sardax is merely poking his nose in.

He likes Moll a lot. I wouldn't say he's father material, but he's keeping a genial eye on her. Raphael best watch himself.

We got Minthara! She's got a lovely voice. *sighs and starts brainstorming for another run*

She took over Halsin's spot completely! And stole his child. This feels kinda dirty tbh, I might recruit her the evil way next time.

As charlatans, Sardax and Asterion walked out of Moonrise dripping with inspiration. I think they're actually friends. They both know they keep things from each other and egg each other on. Sardax is definitely considering Asterion's 'let's run the cult' plan as a distinct possibility.

Sardax finally turned on Balthazar at the Nightsong, and Karlach killed him eventually by picking up a pile of bones she'd just murdered and throwing them at him; which was both hilarious and poetic justice.

I found Zevlor this time! And I now understand why people like him so much. I just beelined for Mizora the first time I played and didn't even notice him...

Act 3

Met best NPC again. I love Popper. Got extra dialogue for being a dragonborn. Sent Gale up on stage and felt bad about it. Jahira approved.

As one manipulative arsehole to another, Sardax doesn't have a problem with the Emperor, but, dude, his girlfriend's a githyanki. There ain't no way he's messing with tadpoles.

Mamzell was hilariously off-base with Faye, but when she suggested a short lady with a whip to Sardax, I was just, hoo boy, she's got your number, buddy. I'm unsurprised Laz'ael doesn't share though; she's worked too hard for this.

YOU CAN STAY AT THE ELFSONG??!! Faye was too busy to bother with chatting to innkeepers, and it honestly never occurred to me...

Orin took Halsin this time and her decoy was heartbreaking. Faye would have been so upset (weird she stole the other tav's love interest each time though.) Even Sardax was discomforted.

Faye missed like half of the mage's tower? So much good caster loot! Sardax feels appropriately geared.

Sardax couldn't be bothered helping the Gondians, so no Iron Throne. Faye dashed in, dropped the bomb and ran, but Sardax stayed to kill the steel watch titan, which for a storm sorcerer was not a challenge, also Us kept that 6 int robot stunned for half the fight. That lil brain is so useful.

found a house with a cool dead guy in it who had also read the evil book but sardax hadn't bothered to buy the artist off the guild so they had nothing to talk about :(

ascended Asterion. No one (except Asterion) liked that, apparently. The game keeps giving you options to back out, but like, it's not like fucking a bear or anything.

Sardax is also happy to support Wyll in becoming Duke. Like it'll matter which mortal is in  charge once he has the crown, but he supports his friends in their little ambitions.

Sardax wanted to duel Orin so badly, but she didn't give him the option and it was just a normal fight, even though he killed Gortash for it. Disappointing!

Talking to more NPCs in the House of Hope this time. Gortash is still not my favourite, but it feels a little poetic that the grenades you pick up when you go to kill him are so useful against Raphael.

Sardax was more sympathetic to the Emperor than Faye was; she was taken in by the dream vision and felt angry and foolish, Sardax looked at the Emperor and thought he would have done exactly the same thing all along the line. Oh well.

Ascended Asterion's 'creatures of the night' summons for the final battles are kind of hilarious. Where did he get them?

THE OWLBEAR CUB ;_;

Asterion was all 'take over the brain and rule the world' so I *saved* and did so. And two minutes later he was a blank-faced thrall. Congrats, Fang Features, you played yourself. Also that weird pink throne is...eugh. Disconcerting.

Sardax's canon ending is at the last minute he realises he can't do that to Laz'el. And he gets the coolest ending instead

Gale is god of self-help and motivational speakers? Kinda cringe tbh.

Halsin spent most of act 3 in Orin's basement (sorry buddy) so he didn't actually get the chance to make a play for Sardax, but like, talking to him at the party, he clearly liked him regardless. I love him. Sardax only has room in his heart for one person.

[hopeymchope]

As a proud Hiyoko fan, I wanna say that trying to talk about us as a single homogenous group, as previous anon did, is just stupid. We are all very different people. Even in relation to our waifu Hiyoko... Among us there are people who ship her with Souda or Hajime and people who see her as strictly lesbian and think that shipping her with men is gross; people who think that she is a misunderstood victim (while Mikan is a manipulative predator who deliberately provokes emotionally vulnerable people into "bullying" her so everyone would feel sorry for her, Mikan; so it's Mikan who is a real abuser and Hiyoko who is a real victim) and people who do love and embrace her as a bully and a bitch; people who think of her as a wasted potential and are enthusiastic for the Unforgiven (survivor Hiyoko mod) and people who think that her death actually fits her character and the general mood of Danganronpa; people who think of her as a very serious and tragic character and wallow in dozens of angsty fanworks about her cruel controlling family and Mahiru's death and people who are in the Hiyoko fandom only for the "banana hair", "you nasty pigbarf!", "is he getting gayer with every day?", "I can never hope to understand gamers" and other funny memes. We are all very different, and trying to swipe us all in one basket is... bad. So please, don't take the previous anon seriously.

NOTE: This is in response to this previous Ask.

First off, thank you for being brave enough to reach out to someone who you know really hates your fav, lol. And being so kind about it in the process. I hope my own reaction to her, and even my uh... forthcoming (in this very response) extremely negative reaction to one specific perspective you described (we'll come back to that)... I just hope those kinds of things don't prevent you from reading/contributing in the future. I appreciate the chance to be exposed to this whole other world. At the same time, you have every right to blacklist and block my "anti-hiyoko saionji" tag. Can't remotely blame you if you do so for your own mental health.

With that out of the way, let me dig in.

I definitely appreciate that there's a wide variety of takes on the character within the fans that dig her. I would really expect that to be the case; it's why I was so skeptical in the first part of my response to that previous Ask that you're reacting/responding to. And like I said in that response, we really shouldn't all be one hive mind, even among those who agree with us. Our variances and differences in thinking are fundamental aspects of being human.

Also, I think the line is "Is it me, or is he getting gayer with age?" if I'm not mistaken... which I might be. But I freely admit that either way, it's a wonderful goddamn line. A highlight from the DR3 dub. And I believe it's exclusively in said dub, too. As someone who sees official localizations as being just as valid versions of canon as the original language publications, I appreciate small touches of character that might be sprinkled into a new translation when they're done well. This is one such time. It might be my single favorite Hiyoko moment in any version of any DR release!

Though on the flip side, I have no idea what's so delightful about repeatedly calling someone "nasty pig barf." :P

SO. With all that said, I'm sorry, but there's ONE take on the character that anon just described which I just... oh my god. YEAH. Wut. We gotta talk about it.

I just... was absolutely BOWLED OVER in shock and horror by this perspective. Legit, you knocked me on my ass by exposing me to this angle:

Among us there are people [...] who think that [Hiyoko] is a misunderstood victim (while Mikan is a manipulative predator who deliberately provokes emotionally vulnerable people into "bullying" her so everyone would feel sorry for her, Mikan; so it's Mikan who is a real abuser and Hiyoko who is a real victim)

Deadass serious question here:

What the FUCK? That is... that's... what is it?... it's just..... what in the everloving FUCK is this?!?!

That is, in all seriousness, some "she was dressed slutty so she was asking for it"-level logic right there. That's legitimately what it reads as to me. Like, thinking that Mikan "deliberately provokes emotionally vulnerable people into bullying her"??? Okay, so she does this by, uh... 1) Crying a lot and apologizing profusely any time she thinks she's maybe offended someone? 2) Referencing that she's been sexually abused or treated as subhuman in the past? 3) Being covered in bandages due to unknown causes that range from "excessive clumsiness" to "self-harm" to "physical beatings"?

Nah. IMO there's no planet in the multiverse where it'd be cool to interpret any of that as "predatory" behavior. Not if you want to be viewed as a serious person and not some kind of predator-apologist clown, anyway. Nor is there any world where I believe someone can be "manipulated" into bullying someone via this sort of Mikan-esque behavior... unless, of course, that person is already inclined towards being an abuser. I mean, if it's that easy to get "manipulated" into being so vicious and cruel? Then you were just looking for an excuse.

On the flip side, if you wanted to "manipulate" ME into bullying someone? You'd have to thoroughly convince me that the target victim is a white supremacist or some shit like that. No amount of crying or injuries or references to past trauma will ever get you anything other than sympathy and empathy from me. I don't have a secret switch that flips me into an abuser once someone acts like they're 'too much' of a victim, or.... whatever the hell this is trying to imply.

In summation: No no no. That's a "fuck NO" for me. Ultimate bad take.

Though I'm gonna go ahead and assume this description can't be one that Anon subscribes to themselves. Because I absolutely CAN'T with that POV.

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Seven

A/N: Please kill me my soul has left my body writing this god forsaken LONG ASS CHAPTER but hey it was very worth it imo. Uh sorry for the month long wait. I think the AO3 writer curse found me and my poor beta reader since shit kept happening to both of us delaying this chapter even more. But hey! It's finally out, so I hope y'all enjoy while I go lay down bye- Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader! Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves obsessive behavior, obessive language, demeaning language, injuries, manipulation, degrading language, bullying, shaming over having emotions, panic attacks, spiraling thoughts, gross creepy motherfuckers, recorded without consent, slight physical harassment, implied verbal harassment, getting restrained, uncomfy thoughts, self-degrading language, light s*icidal thoughts, violence, and curse words. This one's a heavy chapter folks so if you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe!

Alright, Salena. You got this. Just remember: if you’re quick and quiet, he won’t notice you. ‘Tis the rules of ninja stealth mode, baby!

Finally back at school but am I gonna face my problems? Nope! I’ve decided to take Splinter’s advice on just doing things when I’m ready. Even though sometimes I feel like I’ll never be ready. Every time I even thought about talking to Jaiden or Zane, I’d find myself getting strangely mad. I know I’ll screw things up if I talk with a temper. 

But hey! That’s not my focus right now, anyway. I’ve been searching for a good opportunity to finally meet and talk to Draxum today! It turns out the world really is fucking miniature since he works at April’s old high school - aka my current one - as that scary mean lunch aid everyone fears to death. Who knew, right? I’m hoping I can make a good impression on him today! And maybe possibly get my very own weapon but that’s totally not my first priority at all… 

I already planned to skip study hall to try and sneak into the kitchen. I know that lunch is next period but Draxum gets pretty busy when he actually has to work so I'd rather not bother him during those moments. Besides, it’s May! I would’ve spent my study hall sitting there doing jackshit, anyway, so I doubt the teachers care if I’ll be missing. There’s just one hurdle to my otherwise flawless plan. The reason I’m perched up on top of the fluorescent light trying not to cry from how dirty it is up here instead of in the kitchen by now: Zane’s been tailing me all damn morning.

He and I share a study hall so not seeing me there probably prompted him to run out looking  for me. Guess I can’t blame him too much, I haven’t really talked to him or Jaiden so I know he’s just worried. But my god, the dude’s more annoying than an actual hall monitor right now. I’ve lost track of how long this little cat and mouse game’s gone on. 

I watched in agony waiting for Zane to pass by. He stopped, looked both ways, and turned the corner, successfully convinced I wasn’t right above him. Man, I knew parkour would come in useful someplace but never have I ever thought that place would be in school. 

I victoriously hopped off the pretty bright light and bolted towards the cafeteria, checking behind me to make sure Zane didn’t come back this way. I can’t wait to finally meet Drax and get my very own weapon! I hope it’s something cool! I mean, I don’t even know how it’s supposed to be picked but holy hell I am so excited and everything’s playing out so perfectly right now I genuinely can’t believe-

“Oof!” 

Of course, I accidentally ran into someone. So much for ninjocity. The poor guy fell to his knees, and rubbed his head, messing up his fluffy black hair.

“Omigosh are you okay!? I am so so so sorry!” I stepped closer to him, reaching out my hand. “Here, let me help you up.”

“Argh… yeah, thank y-“

He stopped mid-sentence, wide teal eyes staring right at me. His expression looked strange, it wasn’t happy but it wasn’t sad either. Or actually, it was a little? He’s not saying anything or moving, it seems like he’s about to simultaneously laugh and cry. 

But maybe I’m reading too deep into it, he could just be in shock or something. 

“Um… I hope I didn’t bump into you too hard. Are you gonna take my hand…?”

“O-oh, right, sorry! I uh… I spaced out.” 

“Don’t worry, totally get that!” I laughed, pulling him to his feet. “Ya know, I don’t recognize you. Are you new here?” 

“Yeah, I actually just joined today, tenth grade! My name is Ca-”

“There you are!” A hand grabbed my shoulder from behind.

“Z-Zane!?”

“I’ve been looking all over for you, Salena!” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, possessively holding me close while shooting daggers at the stranger. It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out what message he’s trying to send. “Hey there, new guy. Nice to see you again. I didn’t know you and Salena already met.”

“We just bumped into each other, that was it.” He turned towards me, his look switching back from hostile to friendly “So, it’s Salena?”

I wanted to respond but got cut off as always “Oh, getting bold now, are we? What, just because you’re new you think you’re some kind of hotshot?”

“What? No, I’m literally just talking.”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Don’t talk to her at all.”

“Uh, why? You’ve been rude to me the entire time in class and now you’re trying to monitor who I talk to? Honestly, what is your problem?”

“My problem is cute guys like you who think they can do whatever they want with whoever they want just because they look good! I’m warning you now if you try to play any mind games on her, you’ll be hating every fucking second of being alive.”

Fucksake, what is he doing? “Zane, come on, you’re being extra.”

“Salena, don’t.”

“But-”

“Just don’t! You’re too nice to everyone and never know what’s good for you!” As he said that, I glanced over and saw the new guy looking at me with expecting eyes. Zane turned to him shortly after. “And you, stay away from her, got it? I’ll say this once and only once: she’s not interested.”

“Dude, why are you getting so worked up? I’m trying to talk to Salena, not you. I want to befriend them. It’s their choice if they don’t want that and I’ll respect it. But you don’t get to decide that!”

“Yeah, okay, look at you trying to white knight the situation. Look, Salena might be naive but I’m not!” Ah, there it is again! If the word naive were a person, I’d be on death row by now! “I know exactly what you’re trying to do, you little freak, and it’s not gonna work, ya hear me?”

“Zane, stop!” He was starting to get way too physically close to him and way too metaphorically close to breaking my patience. “He’s new to the school, we just met! Why are you acting like this? You’re being mean for no reason!”

“No reason? You haven’t said anything to me the entire day, Jaiden texts saying you’ve avoided them too, and now I just happened to find you here giggling with the new transfer and you’re telling me there’s nothing funny going on?” 

I groaned. As much as I felt tempted to clock him in the face, I didn’t feel like dealing with the aftermath of having to somehow make it up to him. For now, gotta focus on making sure the new guy doesn’t pop a blood vessel on his very first day. Defeated, I reached out and grabbed Zane’s shoulders, keeping him facing towards me.

“Of course, there’s nothing going on! Hey, I’m gonna talk to other people but you and Jaiden are still gonna be my best friends.” My hand signaled the boy behind him to run while he could. “I’m not gonna just replace you guys for no good reason!”

“Then why were you avoiding me?”

“I wasn’t avoiding, I just… I had something important to do, alright?” At least that’s only half a lie.

“Oh really? Important with some guy who just transferred here?”

FOR THE LOVE OF- “Ugh, no, I told you I ran into him by accident! Like, literally ran into him. The important task is something else.” I peeked behind him, noticing the boy left. “And speaking of that, I gotta dash! It’s time sensitive so… yeah!”

“Huh? W-wait!”

You bet your ass I skedaddled away from him as soon as I could. I finally entered the cafeteria, resuming my mission from before. It’s quite empty, a stark difference from what I’m used to. You could probably hear a pin drop in here. I decided it got too eerie, so I took a page out of Mikey’s book and proceeded to swing the kitchen doors open in the loudest, most obnoxious way I could, getting greeted with a scream followed by a very annoyed groan. 

“Oh, it’s one of you annoying brats. I thought I had to be worried for a second.” He didn’t roll his eyes but he might as well have, honestly. 

“Sorry! I just wanted to ask-” I paused, looking past his body and catching a glimpse of something he was trying to hide. “What’s that behind your back?”

“Nothing that concerns you. And shouldn’t you be in class?”

“Eh, it’s study hall so skipping’s not a huge deal.”

He sighed “Do what you want, kid, but why insist on pestering me? Can’t you see I’m busy enough?”

“Oh! Right! My bad.” I lightly bumped into the door frame as I walked inside “Um, so like… I was just wondering, do you happen to know a Baron Draxum around here?”

The purple vines swiftly tangled around my waist, snatching me from the ground and suspending me in the air while a couple others pointed sharp at my head.

“How do you know that name!? Who sent you, tiny assassin?”

“Yo yo yo, chill, chill! I’m a friend! O-of the turtles! Ya know, your sons or something?” 

He scoffed “Likely story! Those idiots get themselves a new ‘friend’ every week. Tell me, assassin, if you’re on such friendly terms with them then why would you refer to me as Baron Draxum? They don’t call me that anymore!”

“Dude, I dunno! I wanted to somehow indicate that I knew about the whole Yōkai ordeal and I thought if I called you Barry you’d think I was just another kid, ya know?”

“And why exactly wouldn’t you just say that?”

“...Good point. You know what, I did not think this through. And actually, thinking about it now, it honestly makes way more sense you’re a Yōkai! I mean, the occasional random vines in the flooring, the weird forestry state of the kitchen, yada yada. But I guess I just thought you were some sort of extreme nature lover or something, ya get me?” 

SHING!

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” I looked at my arms and gasped “Wait! I can prove it! My arm-wrap-glove-thingies!”

“What about them?”

“They’re Genius Tech, a gift from Donnie!” I took one of them off and threw it, landing on his eyes with a splat. “See? Donnie wouldn’t give me these if we weren’t friends! O-or at least close acquaintances on friendly terms! So ha!” 

He inspected the clothing, grunting when he saw the all too familiar logo “...Fine. I suppose he wouldn’t let a thief get away with all their limbs intact. But why are you even wearing these in school?” 

“…They go with my aesthetic, okay?”

“That was rhetorical, I didn’t actually care.” He finally set me down, not looking any less bit irritated, though. “Now, what do you want? I don’t have all day for your childsplay.”

“A weapon!”

“What?”

“I want a weapon!” I beamed at him, instinctively flapping my hands. “Like the ones the guys and April have! April told me they all got their first weapons from you since you’ve got a whole stash of them! So, I was wondering if I could get one, too? Please?”

“Of course you are.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering to himself. “And for the record they didn’t get their weapons, they stole them! But anyway, I can’t help you even if I actually wanted to. My weapons are down in the Hidden City, I cannot simply wish them into existence.”

Darn. “Well… is there some way to portal down there maybe? Mikey and Leo can open portals so maybe you can too?...”

“As a matter of fact, I can.”

“Great! Then lets-”

“Not doing that, though.”

“What!?” At this point, I feel like he’s just dicking with me for the sake of it. “Oh come on, you’re supposed to be some sort of great mystic warrior alchemist guy! Surely you can do something to help me?”

“Listen, kid. Barry Draxum has far too much work to do to take some random student on a lab tour, especially just to get them a weapon to fit in with their friends. Go away and stop bothering me.” 

He walked past me to start prepping for lunch next period, his towering height only further emphasizing his authority. Still, I’m not backing down. Not this time. 

“I’m not trying to fit in. I know you’re busy but I’m not asking this for shits and giggles. I want a weapon to keep me safe! My life has been one chaotic run-in after another with mutants and giant cats and every time has had at least one near-death experience guaranteed! Look! I’ve even got the scars to prove it!” 

I held up my left arm, the bandage now visible with my arm wrap off. “Something bad almost happened last time and I got everyone worried. I just wanna make sure I don’t have to constantly need protection and burden them again. I wanna be useful, you know?”

He glanced at my arm and sighed. He may act like he didn’t give a rat’s ass but looking more carefully, it’s clear a part of him might’ve softened a little. 

“I’m not opening a portal and I mean that, I promised Mikey and O’Neil I wouldn’t use my mystic powers on the surface. With that being said, however…”

Draxum walked back to where I initially found him crouching when I came here, beckoning me to join him. I gasped when he opened the cupboard, revealing two giant blades hidden in them.

“Wow…”

“You’re lucky you came at the perfect time.” He took them out, gripping the seafoam green handles. “Usually, a warrior such as I would be entrusted with the safekeeping of numerous weaponry. But after gaining a criminal record, the Council decided I wouldn’t be allowed any more than I currently have.”

“Then… how’d you get this one?”

He scoffed, “Obviously, I stole it. Besides, I wouldn’t have been able to obtain them even with the Council on my side. These don’t belong to them.” He proudly presented the weapons, the silver blades shining in the light. “They’re a privately owned contraption, made by a very famous pristine Family in the Hidden City. No one outside them owns these sickles except now, of course, me.” 

“Hold up, these giant things are sickles? Aren’t those, like, usually way tinier and kinda useless compared to other ninja weapons?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.”

“Well, this beggar can and will.” I pointed at myself, skeptical he was still trying to sell me short. “I’ve done my fair share of research on weaponry, sickles are lame! Their blades can barely do shit and they’re way too close range to keep the wielder safe.”

“Stop sassing me, child, I’ve done my own fair share of more accurate research. These are mystic sickles, they will be different from your pathetic human tools.” 

He began polishing them while continuing his rambles. “If you’re concerned about their sharpness, then you’ll be satisfied to know their blades can change by the user’s will. One minute, they’re strong enough to slice diamond and the next minute, they can’t even shatter glass. And all my sources confirmed they can turn the wielder invisible for varying periods of time, depending on their strength. It’s incredibly difficult coming across any information on them, but apparently, they were made to manipulate reality.”

“Apparently? I won’t lie, this all sounds legitimately cool and stuff but like, have you ever tested them out? Why’s all this just based on research when you have the weapon itself?”

“They don’t work from my touch.” Bruh.

“Come again?”

“These sickles are the only weapons that don’t seem to activate when I use them. So, my offer to you is if you can get these to work, I’ll allow you to own them permanently as long as you send me any new information you gain on them.”

“Oh, joy! You think that I - the ordinary human person - can get these things to work when you - the mystic magic Yōkai guy - cant?” I sighed, scratching my head before ultimately reaching out. “You know what, fine. Even if I get scammed, it’s worth a shot.” 

He plopped them into my hands as I fell forward, grunting from the weight. Jeez, I can barely even pick these up. “God, for a scientist you sure are pretty bad at educated guesses- Woah!”

I flinched and stepped back when the sickles suddenly sharted floating in the air. Draxum copied my actions, both of us staring intently at them. The pink details on the handle lit up, spiraling around the grips and spreading to the blades, shining it all in a soft aura of the same hue. A part of me felt drawn to the light, as if it were calling me. I realize how incredibly stupid that sounds but in the moment, that didn’t really matter. 

I reached out and held the sickles again, the aura spreading to me before fading away. They felt much lighter now, I can actually hold them with ease! The silver blades got dipped in deep, dark pink. If a rose could bleed, it’d be that color.

“Fascinating…” He adjusted his glasses. “Seems like my guess wasn’t so stupid after all, was it?” He smirked at me, genuinely emoting this time.

“I… I guess not. Aight, I’m sold! Although, I feel like the sickles chose me more than I chose them.” So, like a person getting claimed by a stray cat, I had no choice but to keep them.

“Wonderful, these are now yours, congratulations.” He held me by the shoulders and pushed me out the kitchen. “And remember, update me on any and every new bit of information you learn while using this. It was nice to meet you, blah blah blah, now don’t bother me during work ever again.”

He closed the door and almost instantly the school bell rang. I jumped, frantically shoving the sickles into my backpack right as people started coming in through the doors for lunch. I had no idea this much time passed. I should probably get out of here before-

“Salena?” 

I’ve been jinxing myself a lot today, haven’t I? Jaiden’s standing right in front of me now. Might as well leap off a cliff and call it quits, to be honest.

“H-Hey…” 

“Quite the busy gal today, aren’t you.” They’re speaking slowly, this isn’t a good sign.

“Oh, um, yeah, kinda. I just had to take care of something.”

“Cool, I guess.” 

We both stood there awkwardly. My chest feels so heavy. Jaiden’s barely looking at me but I swear if they did I’d downright die from their glare. What do I even do? How do I face this?

Just… run away. You’re… you’re good at that. So run away.

“…I need to go.” 

“What? Okay, that’s it. What is up with you? You didn’t come to school Monday or yesterday and you’ve avoided me all of today. Now when I finally catch up to you, you have to go?” 

“I just got into a small accident, is all. I had to stay home.” Not like you tried to reach out, anyway. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you ask?”

They groaned at me. I don’t usually bicker back but the way Jaiden was treating this, as if they don’t know what they did, it’s just… it’s just getting to me. I don’t want to be like this but it’s getting to me.

“Salena, snap out of it, will you? You’ve been acting so pissy, lately! I literally didn’t even do anything!”

My body chose to scoff “Yeah, not with me, that’s for sure.”

They squinted at me, only half understanding what I meant. “Are you… mad we didn’t hang out this weekend?” They facepalmed, framing me as the idiot for being upset over that. “Dude, you can’t be serious, I said something came up! It’s not like I totally ghosted you or anything!” 

It’s not like you totally ghosted me?

“...Jaiden, I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why not?”

Shut up. 

“I don’t feel okay talking about this.”

“Oh really? Like how you never feel okay confronting anything? What, do you just expect me to drop this because her highness isn’t feeling okay?” 

My face feels boiling hot, I can’t help clenching my fists. I’m trying to breathe. Everything will be okay if I just breathe.

“A-are you crying? Ugh, seriously? It’s like all you ever know is how to run away or cry! We’re not thirteen anymore, just grow up!”

Stop.

“It was annoying when you were such an emotional crybaby back then but now it’s just getting ridiculous!”

STOP.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Don’t tell me you’re upset that I’m right. That you’d rather selfishly push this to the side instead of just dealing with it like a normal person!”

Why are you being so mean?

“Salena, say something already! Stop with the pity party, the world doesn’t revolve around you-“

“I SAID SHUT UP!” 

They did.

I didn’t mean to say that.

I don’t know for how long, but somehow I tuned out the noisy cafeteria, my ears bugged with a faint buzz. My eyes were fixed on them, and theirs on me. In all our five years of friendship, I’ve never not once yelled at Jaiden before.

“…Who even are you?…”

Those words sting. They sting because they’re right. Who am I?

“Moni! Reeves!” Draxum’s voice snapped me out of my daze. “Stop standing in the middle of my cafeteria and causing traffic!” 

I guess that was our cue to sit down. And continue. Even though I don’t want to.

“Where do you think you’re headed, Moni?” For whatever reason he was still yelling at me from behind the food rack.

“T-to go find a seat?”

“I told you to head to the nurse! If that cut you got while helping me in the kitchen gets infected thanks to your horrid luck, I’ll be held responsible. So go there right now!”

Huh?…

“Y-yeah, sorry, I’m going.” I rushed out before Jaiden could say anything more. I’m a little shocked he was listening, even more so that he actually helped me. 

Whatever, I’m just grateful for the excuse to get away. 

I gently touched my heated forehead. 

Plus, maybe going to the nurse isn’t such a bad idea, anyway. 

***

The shiny streets reflected my steps as I took in the familiar damp scent. The gray fog left over after rain always gave the city a different vibe.

I got sent home early by the nurse. Apparently, another panic attack arose after talking with Jaiden. The nurse took pity on me when she realized and got me the rest of the day off, giving me a pass and everything. Told me to go home and take it easy. Come back tomorrow when I’m feeling better. I laughed at the memory. Oh, if only they knew going home meant the exact opposite.

So instead, I’m out here. Wandering in New York in its post-rainy weather to clear my mind. Maybe that’s why I keep having these thoughts. I don’t usually dwell on the whole shitty situation of my life. But right now, in the colorless skies and the somber silence, I can’t help but feel pathetic.

A pebble found its way into my boots. Annoying. I didn’t feel like dealing with it, though, so I just kept walking.

I walked more and more and more, trying to forget being present. Trying to forget this stupid mess I somehow got myself into. Wordlessly wandering, hoping the city would just swallow me whole so I wouldn’t be seen. I feel sick and ashamed but so enraged at the same time. How could they still continue to play dumb? After seeing me like that they pretended to know absolutely nothing. I’m not misreading anything, am I? What if I got the situation wrong? I can’t tell if I’d be happy Jaiden didn’t actually ditch me, or depressed I’d have yelled at them for nothing. They’re right but they’re wrong but they’re right. Or, at least I think they’re right? Maybe that’s wrong. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But that could mean so many things. What am I even talking about? What’s-

“Hello? Anyone there?” A pale hand waved in front of my eyes. I glanced up at its owner. “Welcome back to Earth, sweetheart.”

A tall blonde boy stood in front of me, a couple other boys whom I can only presume were his friends looked down at me with him. 

“H-h-hi?...” My brain, still adjusting back to reality, only spoke in stammers “C-can I help you?”

One of his friends chuckled “We were wondering the same thing. You were just walking blindly into a dead end!”

For the first time since god knows when, I scanned my surroundings realizing I have no clue where the fuck I am. Somehow, I wandered into an alley, not too deep but still pretty disorienting. There’s a wall behind them, I guess that was the dead end they’re talking about. Two of them snickered while looking at a phone.

“You seriously recorded her?”

“Course I did. I knew girls were ditzy but this? She ran into a building, like, three times! And apologized to it!” Okay, I admit, not my best moment but still, feels a little weird for them to record it. I wonder how long they were filming before deciding to actually check in on me.

“Guys, stop. You’ll make her run away.” The blonde boy spoke again. “Don’t worry kitten, we’re not here to hurt you. You just looked lost. If you want some help finding your way, we’d be glad to assist!” 

…I know he’s not saying anything inherently wrong, but the way he speaks makes my skin crawl. There’s something about his tone. It’s sweeter than it should be. That specific type of sweetness no human being shows without having ulterior motives. 

His gaze grew more intense. “Do I… know you?” I don’t like how close his face is to mine.

A part of me got suspicious, too. We might indeed know each other. Or at least, I might know him. Blonde hair, green eyes, creepy as shit. But it’d be ridiculous if he’s actually who I think he is. I mean, not every blonde white guy’s gonna be related to-

“I do know you! You’re that cutie my brother keeps talking about!”

Yep, it’s him. Because my luck couldn’t get any worse, I ran into Cole Evans, Zane’s freakshow older brother. 

No wonder my fight or flight feels triggered.

Play it cool. “I think you have me mistaken for someone else. And thank you, but I’m not lost.”

Right as I turned around to leave, my shoulders pricked up. He put his grimy hands on them, firmly grasping onto them as if any of this is fucking okay. “Oh, don’t be like that! What’d he say your name was… Salena, right? You think I’m as boring as Zane or something?” He spoke too close to my ear. My legs are trembling, aching to run. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. “Why’re you being such a killjoy, hm? You know I’m not that much older than you, right?”

I need to go.

I spun around and elbowed his side as hard as I could, forcing him to stumble back. I desperately wanted to sprint but his friends blocked my path, grabbing my wrists when I tried reaching for the blades hidden in my backpack. They were laughing and poking fun at Cole and he himself didn’t seem all too phased either, straightening up as the pain died down.

“Let me go!”

“Seems like she’s more tiger than kitten aye, Cole?”

“Good thing I like the feisty ones.”

I thrashed around kicking and stomping, trying to hit anything I could or at least break free but nothing was working. They’re dodging everything and the grip on my wrists only gets tighter. All the while they’re mocking me like I’m a dog or something. Is this just a sick joke to all of them? 

“Aww, look at her! Is that really the best you can do to fight back?”

I need to keep trying, I need to find a way out. But they have me trapped. I can barely move around. I can’t dodge, I can’t run. I don’t know how to fight, I’m useless if I can’t run. What do I do? What do I do?

BAM!

I didn’t realize how unstable my balance was. Not until I found myself fallen on the ground finally able to freely move my wrists. The guy restraining me earlier was now groaning on the ground too, holding the freshly bruised side of his face in agony. 

“You wanna fight? Then pick on someone my size!”

“Raph?...” I watched from the ground, mouth hanging open.

Without hesitation, Raph charged at them. They were cocky at first but the atmosphere quickly shifted after seeing how powerful the “person” in the gray hoodie was. I don’t even blame them, I’ve never seen him punch anyone so hard before. He’d slam them into everything: the walls, the ground, I might’ve even heard bones crack. He’s taking all of them on.

Meanwhile, I’m here uselessly watching. 

I should help. I want to help. I know he’s strong but there’s a good number of them and they’re not exactly weaponless. But what do I do? What could I do? I have my sickles but what if I make things worse? What if things get too messy, what if things go too far? If the police get involved-

Wait, an opening! 

They’re so distracted dealing with Raph, no one’s blocking the way out! 

Run! JUST RUN!

“Come on!” I grabbed Raph’s hand the first opportunity I could and fled from the scene, him confused but not stopping us. 

We ran for what felt like forever. Just chose a direction and bolted, not much logic behind it. If anything, it felt like pure instinct. Traffic lights and stop signs didn’t seem to matter to me and frankly, I’m surprised we didn’t get run over. We only stopped when my lungs gave out and forced me to gasp for air. 

Raph seemed fine, a little concerned, but fine. “You okay? Was passing by and heard ya scream. When I ran in, I found ‘em surrounding you.” 

“Y-yeah, I’m just… I just, I-I don’t know. Sorry, can I just have a minute?” I continued heaving in the air, can’t tell if it was from running so much or another god forsaken panic attack.

Regardless, Raph stayed crouching by me as I held my throbbing head, trying to not cry. He's quiet but attentive, noticeably making an effort to avoid physical contact for now. Strangely enough, his presence alone is making me feel better. 

I steadied my breathing “Th-thanks for jumping in, Raph. Um… sorry I couldn’t, ya know, handle it myself.”

“Nah, it’s cool. Not your fault those creeps were messing with you.” 

“Still…” I wish I did more. 

And just like that, my breathing progress backtracked “Sorry I… A-a lot happened today. Too much too soon and I have no clue how to just… Gosh, I don’t even know, I-I guess get it out?” 

“Uhh, well uh…” His eyes lit up “Ooh! Actually, I’ve got a good way to deal with that kinda stuff, if you don’t mind comin’ over to the lair for a bit!”

“Oh, um, really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Course not! Plus, Raph could use the company, anyway.”

Well, I’d definitely be safer in the lair than out here. 

I gave a weak smile “Alrighty then. I’m down!”

He reached for my hand, only taking it when he was sure it was okay. We walked along the city streets for a while. His large hand practically engulfed mine, I felt like a little kid next to their big brother. Is it weird to say I feel a little safer that way? 

We reached the lair, entering through a manhole and strolling till we reached an abandoned subway track. The familiar scent shot back to my brain. It’s strong but not overwhelming. 

“Here we are! Home sweet home!”

It’s surprisingly empty today. “Where’s everyone else?” 

“Probably doing their own thing. Hopefully safe. Raph, uh, doesn’t like thinkin’ about it too much.”

“Then Salena shall not question! So um… what exactly are we gonna do?-” 

“Catch!”

I stumbled back in shock, peering down as whatever he threw now landed in my arms. They’re… boxing gloves?

“The fuck?”

“We’re gonna deal with your thoughts the best way I know: by punching ‘em in the face!”

I blinked as I realized he’s being completely and entirely serious. I hesitated at first, but then I really gave it a good thought. I’ve read before that working out can boost your mood. A little harmless violence is a strangely good way to let out anger, especially. Plus, if I make a habit of this, I might be able to boost my strength along with it! Then I wouldn’t have to solely depend on running all the time! 

“Worth a shot!” I finally shrugged in acceptance and put on the boxing gloves, staring at the bag in front of me. “Do I just go ahead and punch it?”

“Yep, basically! But when you do, try thinking about whatever’s bugging ya and pretend it’s the bag. It’ll help you smash harder and make ya feel better!”

“Okie dokers, here I go.” 

Smack!

I gave it a light punch to test it out, making sure to catch the bag as it swung back so it didn’t punch me instead. It hurts a little since I’m not used to the impact on my fist but it’s nothing that makes me scream and writhe in pain.

“Good job for your first hit, Salena! Now try and put some more force into it!”

I repeated my actions but with a stronger punch like he instructed. I kept doing it until I got a decent enough rhythm I could keep up with. So now it’s time for the second and arguably harder part: letting my thoughts out. I don’t really wanna think about the… situation in the street. So I guess what’s left is thinking about Jaiden instead. Ugh.

Smack!

Where do I even begin with this? I mean, I can’t even properly figure out how I’m feeling, let alone word it. All I know is that there’s a shit ton of guilt associated with it. I never meant to yell at Jaiden, it just sorta happened. 

Smack!

But it’s not like it came out of nowhere, either! They’re the one who ditched me! Jaiden and I planned ahead of time to meet up and hang out, I made it explicitly clear I missed them and wanted to be with them. They said they were busy and didn’t even give me a reason for it! And then they hang out with Zane the same day? They basically chose him over me!

Smack!

But I shouldn’t have yelled either. I made things so much worse now, it’ll be too awkward to ever bring it up. They’ll just tell me off for getting mad and completely ignore everything else. God this is so frustrating! 

SMACK!

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did they have to be so mean? The things they said and the things I did! It’s all spinning around in a giant whirlpool of bad and dangerous thoughts and I hate it! I can’t stop thinking about it and I hate it! Have I been a bad friend? Is Zane that much better than me? Am I just not interesting? What did I do for them to just ditch me! 

SMACK!

We’re best friends, why are we acting like this!? I let my temper get the best of me! I yelled at them, I fucking yelled at them! I’m mad and upset but fuck I yelled at them! I’ve never yelled at Jaiden before. We’re best friends. How could I do that!? 

SMACK!!

I’m awful! I’m terrible! I feel like an asshole! I am an asshole! I should know better! I do know better! How could I fuck up so badly!? How could I do this!? How!? How!? HOW!? I DESERVE TO FUCKING-

“Salena!” 

SMACK!!!

Raph’s arm went in between me and the bag, taking the hit in my place. I know he’s strong but judging from how loud the crash was, I doubt it didn’t at least sting.

“That was close. Everything okay? Why’d you stop punching? If the bag hit you it could’ve done some serious damage!”

“I didn’t realize I did…” I ran my hand through my hair, sighing heavily. “Ugh, fuck! Sorry, Raph. I don’t think I’m in the right headspace to do this. It’s just making everything feel more clouded than before.”

He stared at the bag for a moment. “Alright, well…” Then he let it rest, and faced me with his fists up. “We’ll spar instead.”

I tilted my head to the side, communicating my confusion.

“The whole point of this thing is to let your thoughts out, maybe if you’re just thinkin’ about it, it’s still keeping it in. If you’re cool with it, we could try talking instead of only venting while we fight and it might clear things up!” He chuckled lightly. “And don’t worry, Raph goes easy on first-timers.”

Honestly, he might actually have a point with that. “I’m open to trying!”

We’re starting off with some light jabs at each other. I felt a little out of place fighting Raph, partly cause I don’t like hitting him and partly cause I’m terrified to let him hit me. I’ve been dodging and blocking decently enough, though. HIs punches feel way lighter than normal so he wasn’t kidding about going easier.

“So, tell me. What’s bothern’ ya so much today?”

“It’s kinda my friend. I think I did something since they hadn’t talked to me much for days. And then one day when we were supposed to finally hang out, they told me something came up.” I punched a little harder, getting blocked by his forearm. “And then I found out that ‘something’ was them hanging out with our other friend who posted it on Instagram! They totally ditched me!”

He jabbed at my right, barely missing when I dodged. “Did you try talking to them? Could be a misunderstanding.”

“That’s the thing, every time I wanted to I just kept getting so mad thinking about it. And then when it actually happened, I wasn’t prepared and I screamed. They were being kinda mean but still, I never yelled at Jaiden before.”

The pace picked up some more. Raph’s hits were getting quicker and harder to dodge, I’ve had to shield myself more often. He did leave some opportunities, though. I’m gonna assume it’s on purpose to let me have a few hits but either way, it’s training so I’m gonna take full advantage of that.

“How long have you two been friends?”

“Five years, we’ve known each other since middle school. That’s why it’s killing me inside. You should’ve seen their face Raph, they looked so… shocked! Shocked that I had it in me, that I’m a shitty enough person to yell at my friend!”

“I mean, I get it but, you’re still human. No normal person’s gonna go through life never yelling at their friends.” He swung at me. “And if you’ve been friends so long, why don’t y’all just talk it out? Dontcha think apologizing would help?”

I ducked, narrowly missing it. “I mean, yeah it would, but that’s not gonna stop it from being an issue. Sometimes I’ve had to fight myself really hard to stay calm around Jaiden but I always managed to do it. Now that I blew up, though, it’ll just keep happening.”

“What do ya mean?”

“Anger issues.” I attempted a jab. “I’ve had anger issues growing up.”

“Ah. Yeah, Raph knows a thing or two about that.”

“It sucks because like, I try not to let it show. And I think I’ve done a good job. But everything’s been so overwhelming lately that I’ve been snapping left and right! I keep getting mad and forgetting to control my temper and doing stupid things as a result! It’s so annoying!” 

The anger’s helping my punches get faster. I’m barely even focusing on it but I can tell I wasn’t moving this quick earlier. Somehow, I actually managed to land a hit on his plastron, though he didn’t even flinch. Still, it’s definitely helping me build up some power. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have celebrated too quickly, though. He countered with a jab at my shoulder, forcing me to pause and regain my stance. He let me take my time, bouncing with his fists up like before and waiting for me to resume the fight. I did so shortly after catching my breath.

“Ya know, I’ve dealt with anger issues growing up, too. It’s why I got into working out so much, it’s a good outlet.” He started blocking more, letting me get a few more hits in to help me practice.

“Yeah, but your brothers love you a lot, you couldn’t have hurt them too bad. If you did, wouldn’t they just hate you?”

He laughed. “You’d be surprised! I was a real problem-child growing up, even worse than Donnie. I mean, I still loved my bros back then and acted the way I do now but… I still had a huge temper and wasn’t as good keeping it in check. Actually speaking of Dee, I did hurt him pretty badly once. Physically.”

My arms were getting tired. “What’d you do? If you’re okay sharing.”

“Well, uh, turns out anger issues and pre-teen hormones don’t mix well. It’s a little fuzzy but I know it was over something dumb. I was having a bad day so I started punching my room’s walls. It made a lotta noise and Donnie came in telling me I was bein’ too loud and it hurt his ears. I shoulda just stopped like he asked me to but I didn’t and started yelling at him and taking my anger out on him. Don didn’t back down, either, so we ended up arguing. I don’t even know how things got so heated but it got physical and I accidentally hit his shell.”

“What!?” I stopped for a moment, trying to take it in. I know Donnie’s a softshell and judging from how hard Raph’s been hitting even now when he’s being light, I could put two and two together. “Sorry that happened, Raphie. For both of you.”

“It’s fine, he wasn’t too badly hurt thankfully.” He threw a punch to signal me to keep going. “But he built his battleshell a few days later. I don’t think it was out of anger towards me, I don’t even think Dee remembers what happened other than us getting into a fight. But it still stung when I figured out why he made it.”

“And why was that?”

“...I think he built it so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting him again. He knew I felt guilty and I wouldn’t stop apologizin’ to him for days. I think the battleshell was his way to keep himself safe but for my sake more than his.”

Raph began using a more offensive style, letting me play defense and rest my body a little. Perfect timing since I don’t think I would’ve been able to focus on giving strong hits. I’m just trying to process what happened. I knew Raph could get mad easily and shouts a bit. But I’ve never seen him really act violent towards his family, quite the opposite actually. It never even crossed my head that maybe he had to learn this the hard way.

“We’re both past it now and I’ve def gotten better with the whole temper thing. Plus that battleshell’s like, his favorite thing he ever made now. So all’s well that ends well, I guess!”

I slid back, shielding another hit. “Does it… still hurt you to think about it?”

He paused and chuckled. “You kiddin’? Hurts like hell.” Then went right back to fighting.

“So… how’d you do it? You seem so different compared to how you described yourself as a kid. Just… seems like a lot of change.”

“It was! I found better ways to deal with things. I worked out, listened to older songs, that kinda stuff. Still not the best I could be but it’s a work in progress!”

“I already do those things, though. I mean, not working out but like, I’ve got ways to cope with my anger. It just still happened.”

“Then there’s only one thing I can tell ya. It’s the hardest thing but also the most important.”

I freaked out when he swiped his leg at mine, knocking me off balance. I raised my head to look at him crouched by me again.

“Never give up on yourself. If you do that, it’s over.” He picked me up by my shoulders, me weighing absolutely nothing to him, and set me back on my feet. “But ‘till you do that, there’ll always be hope.” 

He smiled, the snaggletooth gleaming. “Think we’ve done enough today. You look tired.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Truth be told, I didn’t entirely realize how worn out my body was ‘till he pointed it out. “Thanks for, well, helping me out with this stuff. You’re… a good friend, Raph.”

“Anytime.” He pointed at his shell. “Want a ride home?”

I grinned and nodded, my nerves washing away from me. I know from experience this relief is only temporary, but maybe it’s okay to enjoy it anyway.

We had a nice and pleasant walk back to my place, me on his shell as we talked about more lighter topics. He shared a lot about his music taste especially, R&B is his favorite and helps him chill out often. I’ve never given it a try myself but I’m always happy to have an excuse to. I got dropped off at my building’s entrance, strolling in as I thought about the last thing I asked him before bidding him goodbye.

“Raph… do you think I’m a bad person?”

“Not even close. Like I said before, you’re just human.”

I hate to admit it, but there’s a lump in my throat from thinking about it. Weird thing is, I don’t mind it. The elevator’s quiet hum only made this peace more apparent. 

Ding!

And there goes my phone ruining that peace once again. I saw the notification, Zane texted. I guess his brother told him about our little “introduction”, if you can even call it that. 

Ding!

He also told him about Raph. And he’s mad at me now, asking who the guy in the gray hoodie was. He’s more focused on Raph than on his brother’s bullshit. Lovely.

…You know what, this can wait for another day. One thing at a time, Salena. One thing at a time.

Next Chapter

[the-firebird69]

You know what I kind of do and you see there might be answers there I have to go down there I know see what you're saying it's freaking huge we're in trouble that's gross I feel bad for them but I do understand what you're saying you could mean a lot of trouble some sidewalks go off from an ancillary computer and then they come back your people might not be able to read them we do understand that and they don't talk then that manipulate to talk. And down below it's worse I'm starting to see something else they can change into form or interface with machines it's really really quite interesting how bad this could be and yeah they can be a lot faster than depth know how to run all sorts of things including Bond making it a laboratory used for police work and stuff like that all over the place and undetectable if the program is good and his is good. And I heard that they have some pieces I'm going to go there and do something I do understand what you're saying I just sort of heard the phone conversation so I'll get it

Joel Watts

You did not hear the phone conversation but we did what we say is you're a fool and that's not true you're in town that you don't know what to do you're not a suicide counselor you never have been but know that Joel Watts said he was once so you sent it to him and that's really what helped let's figure out what you're saying it's a suicide counselor and he sounded it she sent it to him and you're saying this I don't know what he's up to he's going to hurt himself or someone else and we know what that means too and nobody read it. And then she disappeared and so will and Bill get it. And we have a tiger by the tail and we have to do this and we're going to help him get there

Mac

So the letters are clean and I wouldn't know he says but I do understand what you're saying they are very clean very important and urgent and years behind

Dave

I have to tell you something we got to get on this now people are angry they see what you're saying

Mac

Olympus

We probably responsible but the guy would not go there we told him we have to he said no and said there's something there he said no you should have to tell him the whole thing so one day you're saying that it looks and says no way I can't go there and do that it says groups there groups is there Groot and you can see it in pictures he's looking in this pictures of it this is no way so it started as interesting now we're there hopefully good God just took so long as probably gone or doing his thing is an emperor of all mankind

Alicia

Kick everyone's ass is a computer and really ours is kicking my ass and this one's much faster and much more powerful I have to see what it's doing

Tricia

We have to get to it and we have to do it now this is important and he's riled us up we need this out so we can see it will and Bill

I need to say this we need to get going you have to perform up a group and go there Ken

Do you want to compete and they want to compete over the stuff and they're getting teams in

Olympus

[izzyspussy]

hey there it's ya boy the jizzy anon back again bc I've only just realised you replied to my ask I'm so dumb 😭 you've probably forgotten what you wrote sorry but uhhhhh this is my reply anyway lmao u don't have to reply to this obvs 😅

1) thank u it's an honour 🥰

2) ooooo I like it. I feel like Fang and Ivan should also be like yeah that's just Normal Izzy Behaviour so everyone just kinda gets on with things (I feel like we deserve to see Izzy in a dress thoooooo)

3) mmmmm it's so good, I'm afab genderqueer and I have so much goddam respect for amab genderqueers

4) honestly your blog has changed my opinion of Jack so much, I'm now fully on board with the mean, horny and undernegotiatedly kinky Jack shipping train it's my new favourite thing. when I had the feminisation thought I felt literally so galaxy brain because OF COURSE Jack would be Like That................... and yes he totally would start feminising Izzy outside of sex like he's poking at a bruise. To see Izzy's reaction (and potentially the rest of the crew's reaction and the crew's reaction to Izzy's reaction and so on etc etc etc.) "hehe another toy for me to play with" is exactly right ily I love Jack being a joyfully manipulative lil bitch because that's exactly what we see of him in S1!!! He knows exactly what to say to get under Stede's skin and sway Blackbeard and the rest of the crew and he just has so much fun with it!! I feel like Jack fucking with Izzy (in every sense) would just be a match made in heaven with both of them getting off on the other being mean (Jack gives massive switch energy but in a way that he's always ultimately in control if that makes sense? because he has zero shame about it so even when it's him getting off on Izzy being mean to him, Izzy still comes out looking/feeling weaker)

5) I HAVE and I LOVE IT. Jim Izzy solidarity is just. Everything. I am Craving Jim Izzy scenes in S2. especially because Vico deserves it.

Okay and now I've started thinking about trans dude Calico Jack and I can't stop. Basically I just want more diverse trans man rep AND THAT MEANS WE NEED MORE GROSS TRANS GUYS. I'm so sick of a) people thinking trans guys are innocent soft boys and b) people saying trans women fetishise women's bodies, so I think Jack should be just so much the opposite, a dickhead trans dude fetishising women's bodies???? no idea if this makes any sort of sense I'm writing this while like........ super high 😭

Okay, I do like vaguely remember what this is in response to, but only vaguely. I have no idea why I kept it in the inbox for so long though alskfks. Anyway, jizzy anon I hope you're still here and please feel free to send any other horny and/or trans jizzy thoughts you may have. And everyone else, uh, here's this. You're welcome.

[starksvixen]

Little Moments

Summary: A typical morning with Shouta and your little family.

Pairing: Shouta Aizawa x fem!reader

Power/Quirk: Telepathic Illusions, Memory/Conscious Manipulation,

Request: No

Warnings: Unless you hate fluff (which I get) then no warnings here.

A/N: This was originally meant for my discontinued Like the Incredibles series but it was too cute to delete <3

Request?

!Masterlist!

Quiet footsteps pitter-patter across hardwood floors as you stand at the stove, watching the bubbles begin to break the surface of the egg you had just placed in the pan. Turning around, a smile etches onto your face when you see doe eyes that belong to Eri; still in her Eraserhead pyjamas and clutching her Illusionaire stuffy.

"What are you cooking?" she whispers softly before clinging to your leg.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe my favourite little girl's food in the whole world."

"You're making tamagoyaki?!" she yells in excitement.

"Shh!" you say softly with a giggle before gently rubbing her back. "But yes, I'm making tamagoyaki along with some miso soup, rice and fish cakes."

Eri stays quiet after that, clinging to your leg as the smell of eggs fills the room, causing a small smile to form. Once you finished a few of the cylindrical omelettes, you feel Eri tug on your shirt, wanting you to bend to her level. When you do, you get a kiss on the cheek and a quick;

"Thank you, mommy,"

She takes the plate with a gleeful smile and quickly makes her way to the small dining room table you had placed just outside the kitchen. An even brighter smile replaces your previous one as you stand.

"She really loves you,"

Turning around you see Shota with his hair in a bun, grey sweatpants and a black shirt hanging off of him from the night's previous rest. With a grin, you begin to clean up.

"I was so worried she wouldn't accept me, or even Shinso wouldn't want me around."

"Well they both love you and everything you do for them," he says as he dries his hands off from doing the dishes.

"They love you too you know,"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Probably for different reasons though."

You snort softly before pulling him close to you by his sweatpants, gently swaying your hair out of your face with the flick of your head.

"And? Do you love me?" you ask with a grin.

"Shut up,"

He kisses you in between giggles, your arms slowly wrapping around his neck as your lips play an intricate dance. You feel his hands wrap around your waist, slowly lifting you up from the floor a little as you nibble on his bottom lip just a touch.

"You two can be really gross,"

With a soft groan, Aizawa breaks the kiss and nuzzles his head into your neck out of both embarrassment and annoyance. You slightly turn your head with a grin to see an exhausted Shinso, looking just as annoyed as his (adoptive) father.

"Go help Eri set the table and we will be right there,"

He simply nods before walking away, a subtle 'humph' coming from Aizawa once he leaves. You reluctantly pull away, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear with a smile. You hand off a few plates to him which he expertly takes into the next room. Following with the last few dishes, you look at the little family before you.

Aizawa already helping Eri put food on her plate while Shinso lets a soft grin slide. The way your daughter's eyes light up and the sight of the fluffy egg. To put a cherry on top, you gently placed a fish cake on the side before laying them on the table for everyone else to eat.

Yes, looking at your family, it was little moments like these that gave you peace.

[tteokdoroki]

So like just imagine Izuku wanting to feel powerful because he was bullied for so long so he bullies you and you're so desperate to please him so when he tells you to bounce on his cock you don't hesitate. He just takes advantage of the fact that you worship him 👉🏾👈🏾🥺 oh my God I'm gross 😭😭

— “YOUR HERO + IZUKU MIDORIYA.”

author’s note(s): this not gross bb, this is quality content 😔‼️ we here for the izuku fucker motive ‼️dedicated to everyone who follows me who denies simping for him <3

warning(s): mdni, 18+. smut, power play dynamics, manipulation, pro hero!deku, no pronouns used but female anatomy described.

izuku midoriya loves being a hero, every moment in which he’d ever been doubted, put down or made to feel worthless in suddenly melts away when someone says ‘you’re my hero, deku!’, he thinks it’s the most satisfying part of his job. saving people and seeing them smile, the money, fame nor the screaming fans could ever top that feeling...or at least that’s what he likes to tell the cameras.

because secretly, izuku midoriya adores and prides himself on his loyal fan base. he basks in the feeling of their worship, the longing comments online and the desperation to meet the number one hero. he feels cherished, powerful, needed. these a sick sense of pleasure he gets when his fans fawn over pictures from his latest missions, buy something that he recommends or shed tears over the fact that they’d never get a chance with him. he loves their obsession, he loves your obsession.

“y-you’re my hero, d-deku-!” you hiccup, nails digging crescent moons into the bro hero’s shoulder blades as he bounces your ass up and down on his hardened cock, your pretty bambi eyes shimmer with fresh tears as your pupils dilate with lust all for him. you’re just a fan, but for one night and one night only, you get to do something more for your hero and the man you’ve dedicated your life to. when izuku says he needs you, that he can count on you to make him feel good and make him cum, you agree with no hesitation because that’s what fans do for the people they look up to, right?

you owe it to him, to suck his thick girth deep into your tight little cunny even though you’ve never rode a dick before, because izuku midoriya saved your life. he’s your role model, he inspires you to be better and if you can do that by languidly bouncing away on his lap then you will. you’d do anything for him. “yeah?, i am? then show me how you treat your heroes, baby,” deku coos with hazy green eyes and flushed cheeks.

this is the best part of his job, his dirty little fantasy. taking his sweet and innocent admirers and using them for his own twisted desires. his scarred hands come down on the globes of your ass, shaking the flesh between his digits while he uses his brute strength to lift you up and down his cock. your smaller hand reaches behind you, little fingers pressing down on the fat vein on the underside of his length.

your chest swells with your own pride at making the number one hero groan beneath you. silly old you, making the deku twitch and whine and thrust himself deep inside of you so far that your entire body shudders when his tip brushes against your pleasure spot. you so dumbly want to please him, to know that you’re the one that gave japan’s top hero the orgasm of his life. deku knows that, he can see it from the way tears stream down your puffy cheeks. you just want to be good, you just want to please.

“you’re so good for me, aren’t you baby? my little slut, just wanted to get into the number one’s pants right?” izuku groans, green electricity from his quirk flickering in and out as he holds you still by the hips and ploughs into you, you were taking too long. he needs to cum now. the way your tits bounce uncontrollably from his sharp, violent thrusts remind him of how lucky he is to have such good and grateful fans. in fact, you’re the lucky one, lucky for having your creamy cunt fucked by him of all people. he would cum inside you as a reward, a parting gift.

and a feral smugness fills his chest at the thought of you going home and gushing to your friends about it. no one would believe you, and maybe that was the sickest part of it all. izuku would get what he wanted, his high and you would still be his loyal little lamb at the end of the day.

“i am, ‘m a little whore for heroes, for you deku! j-jus want to please you!!” you trip over your words, a mess of tears as his precum smears your fertile walls, experienced fingers glide between your folds and locate your puffy clit— izuku rewarding you with smooth circles to the abused nub while his cock stretches you wide and shapes your insides in such a way that you won’t ever feel pleasure unless it’s from him.

the pace of his hips becomes irregular, slow as izuku’s orgasm dances on the horizon— he works so hard, he’s been through so much, suffered enough and filling you with his cum until your cute, pudgy tummy bulges will be his reward. he’s earned the right to use his fans which every way he pleases and you are no exception. “that’s right baby, you’re a dirty good for nothin’ fuck, you got that? you’ll cum for me because i say so. you’ll let me cum inside you because i’m your hero, right?”

all you can do is nod as japan’s best fills you to the brim with his seed, watching with teary eyes as he thrusts up and makes sure not a single drop is wasted. izuku revels in the way that you scream silently while he flicks your bud till orgasm and your cunt contracts around him until you’ve milked him for all his worth— there’s a slick between your thighs when he pulls out, trails of thick white, sliding down your doughy thighs. you don’t dare wipe it off, a reminder of how lucky you are to have been fucked by your idol.

and you even stay still to let izuku take a picture, spreading your legs and putting your creamy pussy on display for him. he’s your hero after all, and it’s what he deserves.

[slut4buckysarm]

Pure Soul - Chris Evans RPF - PART 1

MAIN MASTERLIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SERIES MASTERLIST!!!!!!!!!!!

Warnings: angst (ANXIETY), fluff, drinking, talk of toxic ex, language.

MY MOTIVATION TO WRITE COMES FROM COMMENTS SO PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK :)

ALL mistakes are my own.

Do NOT copy, repost, translate or rewrite my fics!!.

VERY POORLY WRITTEN

I admire every single comment, reblog, follow, and like to a great extent :).

—

It's been 7 months since you broke up with your ex. He was toxic, manipulative, and so damn controlling. You didn't need that bastard so you moved on from him. That didn't necessarily mean that you both stopped working together professionally of course. You were working on a movie and although you both had informed the public that you were no longer together, you still ended up being a couple on the country's most grossing film of the year in the genre of "Romance". What's happening now? Well, you're currently standing on the red carpet posing for the cameras and feeding the media.

"Over here, Y/N!" yells one photographer. "Come on. This way, Y/N!!" screams another. Something about these events always gave you anxiety. You assumed it was just the fact that everyone was watching you but you soon came to the conclusion that it was the paparazzi raising their voices at you that had you flustered and picking at your nails.

"Shit, shit, shit" you mumble, feeling your throat close up and your arms go numb. There was a way to keep you grounded when you entered this state, but that 'way' also occupied the nametag 'ex', and god would it be embarrassing if-

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel an unfamiliar hand grab at your waist from behind. "Chris?" you speak through your teeth as he makes his way to your side.

You never worked with Chris Evans before. You were both in the acting industry and as much as you prayed to have the opportunity to work alongside him, it just never seemed to happen.

"What are you- What are you doing?" you stammer.

"Well," Chris starts as he moves in front of you to block the cameras and lowers his head to meet your eye line. "I know a thing or two about anxiety myself and thought you might need a little break from the flashing lights".

"Move out of the way!" Your breath picks up as you hear Chris being yelled at. You look around and are blinded by the camera lights, making your chest heave. "Y/N step to the right for me!" That sentence is your breaking point. Your hands start to shake and your eyes are frantically looking around, trying to focus on one thing.

"Hey! Come on, guys!" Chris yells over his shoulder after he sees that you can’t take it anymore.

He grips the bottom of your jaw and lifts it slightly. Just enough so that your Y/E/C eyes are staring right into his ocean blue orbs. “Hey, look at me. Look at me. You need to step aside for a minute?” he asks, genuine care fills his eyes.

“Yeah” you mumble as you walk away.

—

You stare at yourself in front of the mirror and splash cold water on your face. Your mascara runs down your cheeks and you fumble through your clutch to find some makeup wipes. That's when you see it. Your phone illuminates your face as you read dozens of texts from your friends asking if you and Chris were together. Instantly opening the white app, your eyes widen as you google "Y/F/N Y/L/N" and read the first headline that pops up: 'Are Y/F/N Y/L/N and Chris Evans Dating?'.

"Of course" you mutter as you look back into the mirror.

"What was that?" you hear Chris ask as he opens the door of the restroom. You immediately shut your phone off and place it back in your bag.

"Chris this is a women's room" you joke as you turn to face the wall. You bring your hands to your cheeks and try to wipe off your ruined makeup, some part of you knowing that it's only making it worse.

"Yeah but no one even uses these washrooms. Something about them only being hookup spots..." Chris chuckles as he makes his way in front of you. "You okay?" he asks as he lifts your head using your index finger.

You stare him in the eyes and give him a look of complete exhaustion. "My makeup's ruined" you whine as you relax your arms. "I can't go back out there like this. Mascara smudged all over my face and lipstick near my eyes? Everyones going to laugh and I think I've had enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime".

You pause when you see the smile on Chris' face.

"Stop smiling. It's not funny" you laugh.

He brings his hands up to your shoulders and gives you an understanding look. "Fine. We won't go back" he speaks as he runs warm water over one of the washcloths on the sink counter. He motions for you to come closer with his index finger and you do.

He pats a spot on the counter and you plop yourself down. Chris puts the damp cloth on your cheek and moves it over the rest of your face gently. You close your eyes and wait for him to wipe off all of your makeup.

"There" he whispers, placing the towel to the side. You turn your body to face the mirror and drop your jaw in surprise.

"S'there a problem"?

"No- No you did a surprisingly good job actually".

"What's surprising about me perfectly wiping your makeup off?" he smiles as he sits down beside you.

You slowly shake your head and build up the nerve to ask the question you are so dying to ask. Do it. Do it. Do it.

"Chris"?

"Yeah darling".

The pet name along with his deep tone has your stomach fill with butterflies. Your cheeks flush with heat and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "Um... Why did you help me on the carpet back there"?

He turns his head to face you and you do the same. "Because I know what it's like. In the beggining of my career I got flustered around the camera's too. It's normal".

—

For the rest of the night the both of you stay in that washroom. You play fight, exchange phone numbers, tell eachother funny highschool stories, and splash eachother with water. Just you and Chris.

You pick up your clutch as you’re about to leave the restroom but Chris quickly steps infront of the door and blocks you.

“Alright, so listen. I’m going to a party this Saturday, and I'm supposed to bring a plus one”.

“Mhmm” you hum, not picking up his hint.

“Would you maybe want to be my plus one, Y/N?” he laughs.

You look up to meet his eyes and without hesitation, you reply “Yes. Of course”.

Chris' eyes light up and he now has a grin across his face,

"Great! I'll text you before picking you up".

please give feedback and reblog if you enjoyed.

[alwaysthesitter]

This is going to be my last post about everything, honestly probably ever. And it's going to have some updates as to what this blog will look like in the future.

I don't condone call out culture. Clearly. It's in my rules. I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about what is going on, and quite frankly, I'd be a hypocrite if I was completely thrilled that someone else is being put through this, regardless of what they did to me. I don't want anyone to be harassed. I don't want anyone to be labeled "bad" or "good." All I really hope that the community takes away from this, is to ignore call out posts. Vague posts. Ignore them. Take them with a grain of salt. Get both sides of a story. Stop believing people at face value. Trust your own judgments of a person. It's one thing to be cautious, of course you want to stay safe, but if someone has been nothing but kind to you? Maybe you should just assume that they're kind, and let your experience be your tool for judgment. People can block people that they have issues with. You do not have to have issues with someone, just because someone else does. Everyone has different experiences with everyone. Let your experience define your judgment. I don't like that people are being called out right now, even if I'll fully admit that there's a moment of "this is justice." It feels gross. I've been there, I've been scared, it feels gross. Wanting a "bully" to be drug through the mud would just make me a bully in return. All I hope is that this experience helps people to realize to use logical thought, to not judge people based on one person's experience, and to curate their own space without making a space that others are telling them to.

What does this all mean for me in the future? Well, I'm not going anywhere. I've come to realize that you can be the nicest person in the world, and people are still going to think you're horrendous and toxic. You can be a manipulative person doing things behind people's back, and people are going to think you're fantastic and a savior to the community. I think that's pretty true in real life too, but especially in the rpc because people don't know the real you. They know a presentation you have on a screen, which depending on how active you are, might only be an hour of who you are in a day. It might only be you writing when you're having bad mental health and need a release. Who knows? That's the point, who knows. It doesn't make it any easier. It hurts like a damn bitch when someone you got to know well ooc and you LOVED writing threads with suddenly decides you're a bad person. Tears will be shed. Heartbreak will happen. But what I'm really focusing on is that I can only control me. It's what I tell my Clients all the time in my job - I can't control what people think about me, I can only control my actions. People are going to like me, people aren't going to like me. People are going to believe the statements being made, or people are going to see it as absolute bullshit.

With everything that has happened the past day or so, I got excited. I thought that maybe people would realize the error of everything, and they would refollow me. Some people did, and I can't explain how grateful I am, and how relieved I felt. And some people didn't. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. But I need to not put my energy into those people. I need to focus on the people that know my truth, will stick beside me, and enjoy those connections that I do have.

So yeah, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to keep writing. The Duffers fucked over Steve, and he deserves it. He deserves to have this life. Every writer out there deserves to give characters they care about a life of their own. I can only prove myself through my actions. I can keep writing, and people will ideally see that my dash is very clear of the stuff that's been claimed. Or they won't. But if I'm doing me, I'm doing me, and that's all I can do. My apology is going to stay pinned for the month of November, just in case people do come back. Because I do want them to know how genuinely sorry I am for the things I did do. But after that, I'm going to pin my initial pinned post back, and move forward from this.

I love you all. I know there's a lot of feelings happening right now - trust me, the whirlwind of feelings in my own brain has been like whiplash. But tldr, just keep being you, keep doing you, keep writing beautiful characters, and the right people will come. And you will get to keep writing, regardless of this crap, because you deserve to be here. Everyone deserves to be here.

[earthfire-75]

You Send Me Flying

(Author’s notes: written with @nature-and-music, beta’ed by @lady-jane-revisited. Warnings: language, smut will come later)

I don't want to make a habit of this

But seeing you is like getting a fix

Every time I kid myself; I'll never do it again

Definition of love on a cliff

A lemming has no alternative

I want to die in your arms

That's my suicide wish

Chapter One:

I’m at a party with Vince where he’s playing with his band, Rock Candy. We had gone to school together, along with Tommy, who we hadn’t seen or heard from since graduation. That’s about to change.

I’m talking with some of the guests around me when the singer’s set is over and start to excuse myself so I can join him at the bar. I’m getting better about being more social, but sometimes it’s still a little overwhelming. The next thing I hear is a familiar voice greeting Vince. I turn around just in time to see him hugging Tommy. When they pull away, I jump up to hug the other man in a bear hug.

“Tommy! I’ve missed you!” then I smack his shoulder, hard. “Where the hell have you been?!”

“Ow,” Tommy whined, rubbing his shoulder. “Trying to start a band, man! Damn, you hit hard!” His eyes light up and he pulls a tape out of his jacket pocket. “That reminds me! Vince, we still need a singer,” Tommy says, handing the tape over. “Give it a listen, will ya?”

Vince hesitantly takes the tape, asking who else is in the band. Tommy happily points out the other two who came with him. I lean toward Tommy, getting a better look. Both men are cute, but I have a weak spot for blue eyes.

“Who’s the short one?” I ask.

“Dude, no way!” Tommy laughs. “He’s like… old!”

“He doesn’t look that old! Plus, you know I have a thing for blue eyes.” I whispered that last part so only Tommy and Vince could hear. I look over at them again and I see him looking at me with a raised eyebrow. Had he heard us anyway?

“Gross,” Tommy mutters before turning his attention back to Vince. “Just give the tape a listen, man. There’s a number on it where you can reach us.”

“Yeah, alright, I’ll listen to it tonight.”

After a quick goodbye, I couldn’t help myself, watching the “old man” walk away. Vince laughs beside me. “You finally found someone you’re willing to give it up for?”

“Shut up, Blondie!”

About a week later, after convincing Vince to actually listen to the tape, we went to audition. Well, he did, I went for moral support. His girlfriend came too, who acted like a bitch from the moment we got there. She completely ignores Nikki’s greeting and then just stands there looking at them, half in disgust. I shake the bassist's hand in formal greeting, as does Vince.

“Nikki Sixx,” he addresses with a wide smile, then pointing to the “old man” as he plugged in his guitar. “That’s Mick Mars right there.”

He nodded his head as he adjusted his guitar strap comfortably upon his shoulder. I gave him a little smile, but his focus was on his instrument, something that I could understand.

Nikki tapped on my shoulder, “There’s some beer in the fridge if you want some.”

I thanked him and as I headed towards the kitchen, I couldn’t help but overhear Vince asking what was the matter to his girlfriend. Her response was something along the lines of making sure that the rest of the guys were good enough to play with him. The silence in the apartment was so prevalent that one could hear a pin drop after such a remark. I rolled my eyes as I cracked open the bottle cap, making my way back to the living room. The first strum of Mick’s guitar made my heart stop for a split second, the same feeling intensified when Tommy and Nikki played along as well. The vocals from Vince that came in seconds later really boosted their sound. I rested my back against the wall as I heard them play. However things came to halt when Vince’s girl told them to stop, commenting that their music was “too heavy.”

“Hey, how about giving him an actual chance?!” I asked a little more angrily than I intended. Then I turned to Vince. “You got this.”

The boys talked amongst themselves about changing up the tuning and tempo, Nikki recommending to Vince about where he could really push it vocally. Next thing we knew, the four of them practically created an earthquake, their little session could have brought the roof down! We were shocked and amazed at how incredible they sounded. It was heavy and just the right amount of aggressive. I clapped after they completed their song and exclaimed that they sounded amazing!

Tommy was ecstatic as he stood up and gave Vince a high five, “Fuck yeah dude! You sound amazing!”

Nikki appeared as if the wheels in his head were turning, reflecting on what just occurred in the last few minutes, meanwhile Mick simply stood there as if nothing happened. Tommy ran to the fridge to grab everyone a celebratory drink.

Nikki groaned, “Dude, come on, we need to save those for later-”

Tommy ignored his unfinished remark as he passed the bottles around, “That was crazy, Vince you sounded awesome! And Mick, holy shit, I’ve never heard guitar playing like that before!”

Mick shrugged as he took a gulp of his drink, “Whatever, come on we have more to work on.” He kept his head down and strummed the strings, although I could see a little smile pulling at his lips. “Alright, what’s next Nikki?”

The bassist turned to the band and so they played another tune, this time even louder and heavier than the previous one. The banging from the annoyed neighbors downstairs could barely be heard, although I could definitely feel the pounding from below my feet. I couldn’t help but get lost in their sound as I watched them, especially the way Mick’s fingers would manipulate and pull at the strings. If I didn’t know any better, I could have sworn that he looked at me for a brief second. Regardless of what I thought I saw, the musicians played one more song, one that was a little slower, yet still could pack a punch musically and lyrically. Tommy would perform a little trick where he would twirl his drum sticks when the timing seemed right, Nikki would put his best foot forward as he plucked the strings of his bass, Vince would proceed to move his body the way a snake slithers across the grass, and Mick had loosened up a bit himself. The guitarist would lean forward, pointing the neck of his instrument away from him and mimicking a shooting- like motion.

Now it was time for a break, they all congregated in the kitchen and helped themselves to another round of drinks. Even Vince’s girlfriend was more or less slowly warming up to the rest of the band. Although I could see from the looks on Nikki’s and Mick’s faces that they weren’t the least bit interested in her being around them with the attitude she gave them earlier. Mick looked over to me and I could see that little smirk again, but he actually kept it this time.

“So what do you think? About the music?” he asked.

I smiled, “You guys sounded amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it before. I don’t even think the punk music scene sounds this hard.”

Nikki interjected, “Yeah, well that’s them, not us.”

“Is that your best attempt at a ‘thank you’ Nikki?” I pondered with a chuckle.

“Shut up,” he responded with a chortle.

Vince’s girlfriend took her man by the arm, “Vince, can you step outside for a second? I want to talk to you.”

The poor man had no choice but to follow, giving us a nod and to let us know that he’d be back shortly. Once she was out of sight, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“Hate to be him,” Nikki mentioned, causing Tommy to snicker. He turned to me, “Listen, we got to practice a bit more, but you're welcome to stay if you want to.”

I smiled and nodded, “Cool man, yeah I’d like that.”

Tommy sat up on the countertop, dangling his long legs as he took another swig, “Cool! So where are we gonna play first? I hope it’s not gonna be a bunch of pool parties or gyms.”

I rested against the fridge, “I think you guys need a name first, Tommy.”

“We’re gonna work on that tonight, as soon as Vince gets his ass back here,” Nikki noted. “And hey, when we get our first gig, you can come too. But the bitch ain’t coming.”

We could all wholeheartedly agree on that matter.

@nature-and-music @lady-jane-revisited @mickmarstookmyheart @sophiazeppelinchick @gothicfuneralsblog @thesmokingguns

[waka-nii]

the horny bitch in me decided it was time for some hajime-nii // 2,7k words

cw: nsfw - fem!reader, incest, dubcon, manipulation, oral (male receiving), prostitution.

"Why am I doing this?" You muttered to yourself, hearing the sound of the shower in the room of the fanciest hotel you've ever been to. You're sitting on the king size bed, waiting for the man in the bathroom to join you. Who was it again? "Just an old associate" your brother told you when asking for this favor. You were to "seduce him, lure him to room 204 and have sex with him" easy, right? Your dear brother would take care of the rest. Apparently, they needed some shade on him and his wife was a wealthy woman who prided herself on the beautiful marriage they had, so what better than blackmailing him with footage of his affair with a much younger and prettier woman? Kokonoi Hajime always has his eyes on the money, and this was a big jackpot at the low price of whoring his sister to a perverted old man.

"You'll do this for me, right? You know how Sanzu does things. I don't want this bastard dead until I squeeze all his money out." he told you, cupping your face lovingly. "You're the only one I can trust with this. You'll get your part, I promise."

Now you wish Sanzu had gotten word of this first. How are you going to do this? This man does not attract you in the slightest. He's old, saggy and you're not sure if his teeth are even real. At least you managed to convince him to take a shower first.

"Are you ready, princess?" you cringe at the nickname.

"Of course, sir. I've been waiting." Please God make this quick "You can use my body as you please"

"Come here, let me see you" The man says, motioning for you to come closer. You do as he says, laying on top of his almost bare body. You can feel how hard he is already, grabbing your ass as soon as he can reach. He looks at you and points to his lower parts. You take the hint and bring yourself lower to take off his underwear. Your face just inches from his member, you close your eyes and hope you can get through this. Giving this old man head was never in your plans, but you'd do anything to help Hajime-nii. Ah, Hajime-nii. His face pops up in your mind, his soft lips, his beautiful slanted eyes that always look at you with such tenderness. Prompted by his image, your mouth starts working eagerly on the man's cock. Not wanting to open your eyes and ruin the fantasy, you keep sucking breathlessly. You don't know if you're trying to make the man finish as soon as possible or the image of Hajime-nii in your head is making you start to enjoy this. Just as you start to think about it, the man aggresively grabs your head, pushing you down on his cock and cumming down your throat. Thank God that's over.

"Good girl, you did great." He says, smiling at you. Ugh, you never thought you'd be disgusted hearing those words. They sounded so good out of Hajime-nii's mouth, yet here you were, grossed out by the sound of them.

"Take off your clothes, sweetheart" Please stop with the nicknames. "Get on top of me" You do as he says, taking off the tight dress you wore, of course, courtesy of your dear older brother. Sighing, you lower yourself on him. You wait for a second, expecting him to do something, but he just looks at you expectantly.

"Fuck yourself on my cock, doll." Fuck, no. Not even a finger? Now you've done it. You see, you didn't tell anyone you were still a virgin. Not the man, not Hajime-nii. You were afraid you'd disappoint your brother, so you kept it to yourself. Taking some old dude shouldn't hurt too much, right?

"What are you waiting for?" You gulp and take a deep breath before finally positioning yourself and taking him all at once. You thought rushing it would make it more bearable, but now you're regretting it, tears forming in your eyes from the pain. The man groans and says something about you being untouched. To be honest, you're too focused on the pain to even hear what he says. Taking another deep breath, you start moving, grinding yourself on the man's member. The next few minutes are a blur. The pain, the suffering and the embarrassment of the situation make it hard to concentrate on anything.

"Damn, that was good. Guess I'll have to pay extra for being your first." The man says, winking at you. His voice brings you back to reality and you realize you're laying on the bed, make up ruined by the tears and completely exposed to the man that just took your virginity. He's already getting dressed again, nonchalantly tying his tie and grabbing his things, leaving a stack of bills on the nightstand before walking through the door without saying a word. Your hand immediately reaches for your phone, shaky hands scrolling through your contacts.

Hajime-nii 💞

Call.

Koko picks up at the second tone. His voice always manages to calm you down.

"What's up?" he says "Is it done?" You make an effort of holding back your tears.

"Yeah. Can you pick me up?" You say.

"Got it. I'll be there in 20. Order yourself some nice champagne, you deserve it." With that, he hangs up. You put down your phone and make your way to the bathroom. Normally you'd be so excited, filling the hot tub and getting in while you call room service and order the most expensive item on the menu, but now all you could do was look at your tired face in the mirror. You wash your face and take some deep breaths. Your brother can't see you like this. You decide you should take a short shower before he arrives, so you turn on the water and get in.

The water hits your skin with a force you didn't think was possible. Every part of your body hurts, and you can't stop the tears anymore. You let yourself cry under the hot water for a good five minutes before washing your body. You scrub with force, trying to get the memories off your skin but no matter how many times you soap and rinse, you can't get the feeling off. You feel dirty, and you can't do anything to clean that. Just as your thoughts start to consume you, you hear a knock on the door.

"Y/n? You there?" Hajime's voice coming from the other side is a much needed relief. You open the door, still wrapped in the hotel's white towel.

"You're still like that? Come on, put something on, we have to go." You nod as you disappear to the bathroom to put on your dress.

"Ready?" Koko says, sitting on the same bed you lost your innocence on.

"Yeah, let's go." You say while bolting out the door, saying goodbye forever to that damn room.

The ride home was silent. Koko drove as you quietly looked out the window. He must've sensed something was wrong, because he drove directly to his house, not stopping to drop you at yours. You silently thank him for this but decide not to comment on it, and neither does he. When you arrive, he opens the door and lets you in.

"Go to sleep, you must be tired." You nod and head to the guest room. Well, it wasn't really a guest room since you were the only one who stayed there. It was full of your things, it felt just like home. Maybe even more. You lay on your bed, not bothering to get in the sheets. In the dark of the night and the comfort of your room, you let the tears that were forming in your eyes out at last. How did you let things get like this? This was your fault, wasn't it? This is the only thing you were good at. You followed orders just to make everyone happy and waited for the much desired praise. Pathetic. Your thoughts quickly spiraled to a dark place and you started to feel out of breath. You sobbed, hiding your face in the pillow and gripping the sheets with force.

"Y/n..." you hear your name coming from the door. When you lift your head, Hajime is already sitting by your side. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

"Hajime-nii..." You can't even look at him in the eyes. Koko cups your face in his hands, making you look at him.

"You should've told me you didn't want to do it." He says, anguish evident in his eyes.

"I wanted to. I wanted to be useful to you. I wanted to be something good in your life." You say through the tears.

"Baby, you're the best thing in my life. You're my perfect little sister and it will always be like that." Hajime hugs you, resting your head on his chest. With his gaze no longer on you, he notices a red stain on the sheets. His heart stops for a second, realizing what had you so upset.

"Hey, baby, look at me." He takes your face in his hands once again. "Was this your first time?" You nod.

"Y/n, you should've told me. I would've never let that fucking bastard take your virginity." His heartbeat gets increasingly faster. "Why didn't you say anything!?" He raises his tone and you wince in reflex.

"I'm sorry..." You say lowering your head.

"Shh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I'm here now." His voice softens once again. "Does it hurt?" You nod and lay your head on his shoulder.

"Tell me where it hurts." Hajime kisses your temple. "Tell nii-san where he hurt you." He takes your hand in his and looks at you. You guide his hand to your chest and lay it on your breasts, the thin fabric of the old t-shirt he gave you being the only thing keeping his skin from touching yours.

"Did he hurt you here? Grabbed you too hard?" You nod, feeling his hypnotizing gaze on you. Koko lays you down softly on the silk sheets he got for you. He hovers over you and lifts your shirt slowly, allowing you time to stop him if you wish, but you let him continue. Bringing his lips to your waist, he kisses your stomach as he continues to push your shirt over your breasts. He leaves a trail of kisses going up your bust and takes your nipple into his mouth, softly running his tongue through your bud. Leaving some more kisses in the area, he looks up at you.

"Better?" You nod. "Does it hurt anywhere else?" You nod once again. "Show me." You take your brother's hand in yours and guide it to your lower area. Where a few hours ago you only felt a sharp pain now there is a heat growing with every touch.

"My baby... I shouldn't have let someone else take your virginity. I should've been your first." Rubbing your heat through your panties, Hajime kisses your lips softly. "You're too pure for this world. I'm not letting that happen again, okay? I promise." You nod, trying to focus on his words, but his touch is getting more and more satisfying. Your brother knows what he's doing to you. He knows how good he's making you feel, and he's not going to let anyone else see you like this ever again. Hajime removes your underwear and brings his hand to your mouth. You lick his fingers, getting impatient. He brings his hand to your cunt once again and spreads your folds. The sensation of his fingers massaging your clit feels so good you're almost forgetting your earlier experience. His movements are slow and sensual, treating you like the most delicate being. Your moans and whines are like music to his ears. His sweet little sister falling apart from his touch, there was nothing compared to that. He presses soft kisses to your temple as he inserts a finger in your cunt, making your moans get louder and louder.

"Shh, it's okay baby." He breathes against your ear. "Nii-san's gonna erase every trace of that man on your body." Those words combined with his touch make you fall over the edge, feeling the knot on your lower stomach come undone on his fingers.

"That's it, baby, you're doing so good." His words are so similar to the man's earlier yet they have a completely different effect on you. "You wanna make nii-san feel good too?"

"Y-yeah... I wanna make nii-san feel good." You say looking up at him, mesmerized by how good he looked right now. His long hair was sticking to his forehead, where small beads of sweat were forming. You can't recall when exactly he took off his shirt, exposing his svelte chest. He looked ethereal right now. You couldn't wrap your head around the fact that you're in the same situation as this evening, yet it feels so perfect now. Koko places himself between your legs, looking at you with a smile on his face.

"It won't hurt this time, I promise." he says as he lines up his cock with your entrance. "Tell me if you want to stop, okay?" You nod and he pushes himself slowly into you. You let out a squeak at the feeling and he chuckles at your reaction.

"You feel so good around nii-san's cock." Hajime says as he sinks the rest of his length into you. "God, how did we not do this earlier?" He moans in your ear, the sound of his voice making you clench around him.

"Is it alright if I move now?" You hear the impatience in his voice. Nodding, you lift your hand to his cheek. He smiles at the gesture and kisses your palm as he carefully thrusts his hips into you. You can't do anything but moan and quiver below him, too dazed to form a thought in your head.

"You're doing so good baby- Fuck... fuck, you feel so good." Koko rests his forehead against yours before kissing your lips. He swallows all your sounds, exploring your mouth with his tongue. He moans against your lips, moving his hips faster.

"Nii-san... Gonna cum..." You breathe out, feeling that familiar heat once again.

"That's good, baby. Come on, cum for me. Cum for nii-san." His thrusts get harder and deeper, making you cum for a second time tonight. Your cunt tightens around him as you climax, making him reach his own.

"Ah, fuck..." Hajime pulls out of you and with some strokes of his hand releases all over your stomach. He catches his breath for a second, admiring the masterpiece before his eyes. His sweet baby sister was now marked by him, and he'd never let anyone else touch you now that he's had a taste of you.

"Are you okay?" He asks. You nod, too tired to move your limbs. "I'm gonna get something to wipe that off, yeah? Koko walks to the closet and grabs a towel, then wets it a bit in the sink of your en-suite bathroom. He cleans his cum off your body. He thinks it looks so good on you, but right now you're looking so drained from the crazy day you had. Well, he can always do that again. Maybe take some pictures for his own enjoyment, too.

"Hajime-nii, this... This isn't normal." You say. What you just did definitely wasn't normal, yet it felt so good. "It's wrong."

"Wrong?" He lays down beside you. "Tell me something, baby, did it feel good?"

"Yeah, it felt good..." you say as you let him take you into his arms.

"Then there's nothing wrong with it. Nothing could possibly be wrong if it makes my sweet little sister feel good." His words make you blush. "Look at me baby" he holds your chin directing your gaze at his. "I took your first time, okay? I was your first. Not that man, not anyone else. It was me. Understand?" You nod.

"You took my first time, nii-san." He smiles at you, patting your head.

"That's my girl. Now go to sleep, you're really tired." Hajime lays your head on the pillow.

"Don't leave" You say.

"I'm not going anywhere, babygirl. Now sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up." Your brother lays by your side, putting his arm around you to run his hand trough your hair. "Sweet dreams."