#but then the problem is the straight man in question that will make me violent for other reasons

[cupiare]

every once in a while i have to sit down and ponder the issues i swear i don’t have in silence for a bit

[doberbutts]

about your TME/Imane Khelif post, i believe i can provide some answers (im not transfem myself but im very interested in transfeminism)

first of all, no oppressed/oppressor binary is going to be perfect. POC/white is a useful distinction, but last summer a white man was killed after being mistaken for being arab. a straight man may be harassed for hugging his male friend and being seen as gay, etc. TME/TMA are useful terms to describe the way transmisogyny operates in society, even though like all oppressions, things can occasionally get muddled IRL. it doesn't make those terms useless or incorrect. to go back to the harassed straight man example, that man would certainly be a VICTIM of homophobia, but that doesn't make him gay, or mean that he doesn't have any heterosexual privilege at all.

(you said imane khelif may be sent to jail IF she's ruled not to be enough of a woman. horrifying prospect of course, but that IF is doing a lot! a trans woman would not have that IF!)

just wanted to provide that perspective since you asked very genuinely and thoughtfully. have a nice day

I appreciate the good faith response!!! This is exactly the sort of discussion I was looking for.

I am mostly on board - I have discussed at length how these social categories are muddy at best and do not operate on strict lines, and that people in general are impossible to place into neatly sorted boxes. Similar to your first example, I reference frequently a past love of mine who was white but often mistaken for mixed asian (usually chinese/white) due to his monolids, facial structure, and facial hair pattern. Despite being a white guy, he had numerous encounters with racists that ended quite violently for him, and as a result was probably one of the most sensitive white guys I've ever dated regarding race.

Being mistaken for being chinese, while not actually being chinese himself, is not at all the same as actually being chinese. I certainly agree. However, I think it is wrong to say that sinophobia does not affect him or that he is exempt from sinophobia because he has the ability to say "hey wait a second I'm not chinese I'm white". Mostly because any time he tried to do that, it didn't work, and he still got beaten up anyway.

And I also don't think it means he has no white privilege at all- certainly, we experienced it as a couple in real time because while he could be mistaken as a man of color, I absolutely am one without question. And, furthermore, I'm visibly black, not just "of color", which makes people really double down on the racism. Case in point, any time I parked my car in the visitor spot next to his apartment door, the landlord would run out of their office to chase me away stating the spot was only for approved visitors. Even though she saw me entering and exiting his residence in her pursuit to make me move my car. The town he lived in is less than 2% black, and these were luxury apartments that did not have a single black person in the building he specifically lived in. He could live there, but I couldn't even visit without being harassed.

Similarly, as I said in my post, I can see the logic of stating that there is privilege there even though Khelif is in a difficult situation currently, because yes, she can provide a birth certificate and a blood test and a genital check and be cleared of all accusations. I just think that being forced to submit to embarrassing and invasive testing, as well as being forced to provide personal documents, and having the world weigh in on the judgement of your gender, is not really a good literal get-out-of-jail-free card. It is certainly a leg up that she has the ability to do so. I do not think it is right that she should have to- but then I don't see the problem with trans women competing alongside cis women. I think it's stupid that sports are divided by gender and not by weight/height/proficiency.

And I think that forcing specifically women of color who oddly enough seem to be the vast majority of these cases (esp black women and esp esp black intersex women who didn't even know they were intersex before but w/e) to prove that they're woman enough to be qualified as women is racial violence with interphobia and transphobia as the weapon. Intersectionality and all that.

[luvhockey111]

doomsday

based off of doomsday by lizzy mcalpine!

summary: Quinn Hughes and Elouise “ellie” were high school sweethearts. Everyone surrounding them were just waiting for the day that Quinn would pop the question. What happens when Quinn turns cold?

warnings: sad quinn, sad reader, kind of asshole quinn, angst a little bit

Quinn and Ellie had been dating since their freshman year of high school, to be more specific November of 2013. They were so deeply in love, when quinn went to the University of Michigan, Ellie followed. When Quinn had to move to Vancouver, he bought an apartment for the two of them. There truly was no Quinn without Ellie and vice versa. They made their apartment a home, even buying a dog right before quarantine in March of 2020. Their relationship never once faltered. That is until Ellie got a job offer in Michigan in September of 2022. Ellie’s dream had always been to be a physical trainer for a sports team. While Quinn tried and tried for the Canucks to hire her, they just simply did not need another trainer. It never crossed Quinn’s mind that Ellie could possibly consider leaving Vancouver to work. I mean Vancouver had been their home for the past 5 years, Quinn had been her home for the past 9. Eloise had found out about this job last month, she had told quinn right when she found out, since that day he had been nothing but cold. A shell of the man she loved.

“El I just don’t understand why you would go and apply for this job in Michigan, do you not care about me?.” Quinn had never raised his voice at Ellie, not in all her years of knowing him. “Quinn this is my dream, you know that. I’ve followed you every step of the way since we went to college, I’ve been working towards this job since senior year of high school. I’m not going to let it get away.” Eloise could feel her body start to over heat, her eyes get watery and blurry and her throat starting to close. Why couldn’t Quinn understand? “I told you that you don’t have to work I can provide for you El” Quinn started yelling. “You’ve had no problem letting me take care of everything and pay for the past 5 years so what’s the problem now.” “Are you insinuating that I have been using you?” Ellie was furious now. How could Quinn, her perfect boyfriend who has never raised his voice or ever mistreated her say imply such a thing? “It’s not insinuating, if I am straight up saying it Eloise.” Quinn had completely run cold. “Okay, you know what quinn I’m booking my flight for tomorrow morning. I start next week. I thought my boyfriend would be happy I’m finally getting what I’ve been dreaming about, but I guess not.” Eloise already had started packing earlier that day while quinn was at training. “Eloise if you take this job we are over.” Quinn said with a shaky voice, tears brimming just above his waterline. “I guess we’re over than, I’ll get my stuff and go to a hotel tonight.” Eloise was trying her hardest to keep her composure. She knew it had to have been a heat of the moment thing, but even then, if he is that willing to throw 9 years down the drain over a little distance, maybe he wasn’t the one.

“Pull the plug in September I don't want to die in June I'd like to start planning my funeral I've got work to do

Pull the plug, make it painless I don't want a violent end Don't say that you'll always love me 'Cause you know I'd bleed myself dry for you over and over again”

It was now December 23 2023

Ever since Eloise left that night she had not seen or spoken to Quinn. He had not reached out and neither had she. It would be a lie to say that she had not thought about texting him everyday. However, as far as she knows he is living his bachelor life up in Vancouver. She knew Quinn would be coming back home to Michigan for Christmas, as he did every year. Last Christmas Eloise had opted on buying herself and her mom a week long cruise over the time period she knew Quinn would be back in their hometown. This year was different, although she still did not want to see Quinn or speak with him, she had done a lot of self evaluation and decided that maybe it was for the best that the 2 split. I mean they had been together since freshman year of high school. She truly had not known herself without the presence of Quinn, and same goes for Quinn. It could possibly be right person wrong time or simply just someone who wasn’t meant to be. Eloise was currently shopping in her local Trader Joe’s when she had heard an all too familiar voice. Now it’s not the voice that she had heard everyday for 9 years but it was a voice she could pick out of a lineup for sure. It was the voice of the little brother she never had. “Yup, okay Jack I’ll get that fried rice you like. Oh my god leave me alone you’re such a child.” Luke groaned loudly, Eloise let out a quiet laugh at the sound of this conversation, knowing the antics of her old second family all too well. She was in the aisle next to luke and could still hear him loud and clear. All of a sudden the voice started sounding louder and closer. “Jack I swear if you tell mom I’ll…” Luke locked eyes with Ellie and looked as if he had just seen a ghost. “Uh yeah jack I’ll see you when I get home.” Right as he hung up on jack he ran to Ellie, engulfing her in a bear hug. Right as they connected Ellie could feel herself starting to get choked up and tears welling in her eyes. “Oh El I’m so sorry about everything, I’m sorry I didn’t reach out, I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay lu, I know how close you and Quinn are I didn’t expect you to. I did miss you a whole lot though.” Luke and Eloise had always been extremely close. She had known him since he was 10 and watched him grow up into an amazing hockey player and an even better person. She reminisced back to when she had first gotten her license and the first thing she did was drive Luke to hockey practice because Ellen and Jim were busy, and Quinn and Jack were out of town. He was like the brother she never had. Luke and Eloise had talked for about 5 more minutes before jack called complaining that he was out for too long and he had to eventually part ways from Ellie. After seeing Luke it made Eloise realize how much she had missed Quinn, but if it was that easy for him to walk out of her life and not reach out then it would be just as easy for him to ignore her, or to do it again. December 25, 2023

Christmas was always Eloises favorite holiday. Every year that she had been home for Christmas she would walk down a street in her town that was filled with lights and people after their Christmas dinners. This year had been no different. After her family dinner she had grabbed her coat and went to walk down the street. Now, every year she had done this walk with Quinn, this year it felt like a part of her had died on this walk. The part of her that enjoyed Christmas, or any holiday for that matter. She had realized on this walk she had become a shell of the person she once was. She had realized how pathetic she probably looked to an outsider. It was never about not knowing herself outside of being in a relationship with Quinn, it was the pride she took in it, how he made her a better person, he pushed her to chase after her dreams, he did all that he could to get her every resource possible so that she could follow her dreams. All in all she realized that she’s the villain in her own story. Yes, Quinn had blown up on her when he really had no right to, but she was the one who packed all of her stuff without telling him, she was the one who left their shared home of the past 5 years without a word, and she was the one who had blocked his phone number meaning to have unblocked it by the next morning. As Eloise realized she never unblocked his phone number she broke. What if he had tried reaching out to fix everything? What if he missed her as much as she missed him and she would never know? Quinn’s perspective:

A piece of Quinn had died a little bit with every text he had sent to Eloises phone number and every time it had shown up as not delivered. Quinn had been siliently dying inside due to his ego not wanting to tell anyone about the breakup, although everyone could tell something was wrong. He had kept up with her life ever since they split. He as well was a shell of a person ever since she had walked out that door. He texted her everyday multiple times without fail, he had called her at least once a day to hear her voice and laugh on the answering machine. He knew that Christmas was her favorite holiday and he knew she was in town because Luke had told him. So he had decided to text her to wish her a Merry Christmas.

“The death of me was so quiet No friends and family allowed Only my murderer, you And the priest who told you to go to hell And the funny thing is I would've married you If you'd have stuck around”

Eloise had felt her phone buzz in her pocket

Q💘: Merry Christmas El, I know today is your favorite. Remember our first Christmas together when you still had braces and a unibrow lol. You still were the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, well I mean you still are but you get the point. I know you won’t see this message and haven’t seen the other probably millions of texts I’ve sent, I still love you and will continue to love you for as long as I’m living but I think it’s doing me more harm then good. Until we (hopefully) meet again my Ellie girl.

“I had no choice in the matter Why would I? It's only the death of me”

[tobiasdrake]

That was sweet. Now back to the much more dismal present.

We're back to the burning question: Stabilized homunculus who's cracked the secret of curing ferals? Ghost coming to comfort Yakou in his low comprehension? Or the hallucination of a memory Yakou will never let go of?

That's a heartening thing to say. Did you crack the secret of stabilizing the defective homunculi?

There is a cure. We're probably going to use up the entire sample on Yakou as a bittersweet moment, like her greatest research was to give him a second chance at life.

But even if that's the case, the fact that she managed to do it means it can be done. Much like Real Yuma's ramen shop, it shows the value of crowdsourcing the homunculi's problems outside of just Makoto.

If stabilizing homunculi is possible, then even if Yakou uses the entire sample, it means someone else might crack this code again. It's proof-of-concept that the code can be cracked.

I am so happy right now. We can cure Yakou. We can cure the Theater Girls. We can cure Shachi. And the Priest. We can shove Huesca in a pit. We can cure Tetra's dad!

I mean, after it's reinvented, of course. I'm sure there's only going to be enough in that thing for Yakou.

Yep. One pill. Which is just kicking the can down the road; Yakou will be fine until his next death and then he's right back in this situation.

But it's proof of concept. First thing he should do as soon as he regains his mental faculties is go straight to Makoto and tell him it can be done. We need to restart homunculus research, and pore over his wife's notes extensively. Maybe take samples of Yakou's blood for testing.

T_T This is such a sweet conclusion, both for Yakou's journey and for the story as a whole.

And there she goes confusing me again. I do not know what you mean by that. Is she saying to go dig up her corpse if he can't un-feral?

It's not like he can die and join her in the afterlife. She's already got a Yakou with her in the afterlife. This one's trapped here forever.

All the same, this is such a great ending. Emotionally powerful and satisfyingly interesting all at once.

"Hard man seeks revenge because his woman was fridged" is a character archetype I generally loathe. But it works so well for Yakou. Partly because it's not what solely defines his character; There are plenty of other facets to him as well. Like most of Kodaka's characters, he's a complicated guy.

But also because of the leg-work that this DLC did to make his wife out as more than just a nice lady who died so we can be mad about it. I've seen more than a few attempts at trying to convince the audience to be emotionally invested in the dead spouse but this is the first one that's ever worked for me.

I think it's because most of the time, the dead wife winds up characterized like this saintly figure who was perfect and demure and wifely in all the "right ways", such that she never feels like her own character and comes off more like the emotional crowbar that she is. But Kodaka sat down at his computer and just hammered out a concise tale about two people who enjoy each other's company and find they have some shared interests.

With characters like these, it often winds up feeling like they were just spinning their wheels living Insert Idyllic Life and waiting for the story to start. Things won't get interesting until she dies. Sorry, but her life is the price of admission for this cool story, I guess.

But with Yakou and his wife, it's like. No. No, this was the story. A whirlwind romance besieged by assassins and gene research, that was the story of their life. The Yakou we meet when we step off that train is a broken man because, for him, the story catastrophically ended. For him, there is nothing left to tell.

...if only she had a fucking name. Come on, Kodaka! Really!? I'm shilling this love story you wrote so hard and it's between Yakou and... Amaterasu Researcher. God fucking dammit, even when you're on the ball, I want to shake you violently for the choices you make.

[whumpbug]

Hello Bug!!! I'm sure I don't speak for everyone when I say that I've been wondering why Sylvia fell in love with Clint. It seems like they really don't get along and that when she was alive, they butted heads a lot over arguments about how to raise a child. She also seemed to kind of fear him (not as much as Gene of course, but enough that she seemed like she was resigned to not always being able to protect him from him)

Were things different when they first met? Does Gene blame himself for how screwed up their relationship got?

UGH thank you so much for the question this is exactly the oppurtunity i was looking for to Ramble about gene's parents because ever since i've made them, they're so important to me. they are such a huge part of why gene is the way he is. SO THANK U SM!!!

u know the drill. long post incoming under the cut.

cw: child abuse, brief suicide mention, period typical sexism

✮⋆˙

about clint:

okay so i'm going to start by talking a little more about clint. im going to give a little disclaimer first, and that is that none of what i'm about to say justifies what he does to gene, it is simply explaining why he does it. i don't personally think clint is an awful person, but his actions are awful, no matter how complex the reasoning. this is not me justifying child abuse.

so clint grew up with a father that was far, far worse than he was. his father was aggressive, violent, apathetic, and never felt bad about anything he did. the abuse that clint, his siblings, and his mother went through is unimaginable. his mother took her own life when he was 19 because of it.

because of the kind of father he had, he learned two things. one, was that he wanted to treat women with respect, because the way his father treated his mother made him sick. he held true to that. never did he ever lay a finger on sylvia, no matter how heated the argument. his respect is part of what made her fall for him.

the second thing is that he didn't particularly want kids. he didn't want to make the same mistakes his father did with him, and he wasn't sure if that was possible so the solution was just not to have kids.

then he met sylvia.

about clint and sylvia:

sylvia and clint hit it off right away. first off, he's Not Ugly. gene got his good looks from both parents, but the handsome, sharp angles were straight from his pa. clint was infatuated with sylvia's spunk and beauty and caring nature, and the fact that she didn't care what her dad thought of him. she was never ashamed or embarassed of clint, and that was healing in a way.

anyways, things happen and sylvia ended up getting pregnant only a few months after they were married.

clint panicked.

he was Not ready to be a father, he wasn't sure if he never wanted kids (especially not a son. the sad truth is i think had the baby been a girl, so many of these problems would have been solved), but this was definitely soon, and it was only made worse by how excited sylvia seemed about it. he didn't want to rain on her parade so to speak, so he never said anything. that was one of their main problems-- clint never communicated because he thought sharing emotions was not something a man should do

their relationship only changed for the worse from there

about clint and sylvia-- post-gene:

when gene was born, clint wouldn't even hold him.

sylvia was, of course, heartbroken, but she didn't push him. when he started pulling away from her and baby gene, she didn't push him. she was too busy handling a new baby, after all.

but the full change in clint was one that sylvia never expected, and it was really really hard on her

clint became cold, angrier, more reserved and aggresive, and honest became more like his father. he was always unnecessarily hard on gene, especially because gene was a boy. he fell into the same kind of patterns that his father did, and by the time sylvia realized it, it was already sort of too late.

as feisty as she was, she was still a woman in the 1800s. she didn't have the agency over her son that clint did, and though she knew clint would never physically hurt her, there still wasn't a whole lot she could do. she was also very religious, as is typical for a southern girl, and didn't believe in divorce, so she had to deal with it.

her and clint had plenty of screaming matches about how to raise gene-- they had very different ideas of how to parent. clint wanted to raise gene into the Perfect Man-- mean, tough, and strong. sylvia just wanted to let him grow into his own person, and it just so happened that gene was a sweetheart. syliva truly didn't see a problem with that.

so yea, unfortunately, gene's birth kind of did ruin their marriage. the sad fact is that if he had never been born, they probably would have been an extremely happy, healthy couple. it was just unfortunate all around.

gene's thoughts:

even when he was little, gene was all too aware that he was the cause of his parents' problems, and it destroyed him from the inside out.

when he was only 5 or 6, he used to literally wish he hadn't been born so that "mama and papa could be happy again". its actually devastating. UGH sorry i made myself sad writing that

when sylvia died, his relationship with his father only got more estranged. he lived with him for a while after, and helped him on the farm and with the chores and things like that. still, they hardly interacted. they maybe had one conversation every month or so. gene felt very isolated in those years

gene doesn't hate his father though. as awful as he was to him, he doesnt hate him because he knows why he is the way he is. a core memory for him was when, a few months after sylvia died, he walked into the house to grab his coat he forgot and accidentally walked in on clint sobbing viscerally while clutching one of sylvia's dresses. he didn't see gene, and gene never ever brought it up.

the experience sort of humanized his father, and from then on, gene thought it best to just stay out his way and try not to cause problems for him.

nowadays, gene obviously doesn't live with clint anymore, but he still visits every month, and helps with the more physically demanding chores because clint is getting up there in years. clint, without fail, sends him home with a bottle of liquor and some gun oil. its their strange little routine, but gene has come to appreciate it. his father is all he has left, after all.

✮⋆˙

i hope this answers your question anon!!! it's so interesting to explore the people that raised gene because i feel like im getting so much content to characterize him with it, so don't be afraid to ask more or request fics!!!!! i really really appreciate your questions!!!

[kenobster]

When I was 19yo, I was at a comicon type of thing cosplaying a character I loved. Some guy happened to be cosplaying that character's love interest, and he had already been making me uncomfortable. When he asked me for a hug, I wanted to say no, but I felt that saying no would be considered rude. So I agreed. During the hug, he touched me inappropriately. For a threateningly long period time, he would not let me go. This happened more than ten years ago, but I still remember every detail to this day. The memory brings me tremendous shame. It makes me feel powerless.

Just yesterday, I was walking around downtown on my lunch break. Some man with clearly nefarious intentions attempted to hide behind a pillar and jump out at me as I walked by (I wish I was kidding). Luckily, I saw him ahead of time and moved away from the danger zone. When he jumped out where I would've been, I glared at him to convey that I knew what was going on and that I wouldn't make things easy. He backed down.

Sort of similar but less intense story — a couple years ago, a homeless man, who was shouting violent threats at no one in particular, was walking straight toward me. He was clearly no danger, but I felt uncomfortable with what his trajectory would mean for my personal space. I told him firmly and loudly to "stay back!" The man politely changed direction and left me alone.

Both during and after those two experiences, I was neither scared nor ashamed. In fact, I was proud. I felt like I had the power to keep myself safe. In fact, by yesterday evening, I had forgotten all about the event until making this post reminded me — but my feeling of pride hasn't changed.

In the first situation (the one with the hug), what was most traumatizing was my failure to protect myself. It was not my fault that someone assaulted me, but I couldn't help but blame myself for agreeing to the hug in the first place. In other words, it was not only the act of assault itself that violated me — it was also my perception of my own culpability. In the latter two situations, I wielded my autonomy. I felt successful in protecting myself. Rather than retraumatizing me, those experiences actually bolstered me — because of the steps I took to stay safe.

As a white and decently appearing ciswoman, I'm allowed to protect myself. I'm allowed to shout "stay back!" at a homeless man without facing social consequences. If someone tries to grope me, I'm allowed to punch and kick and bite and scream in order to protect myself. No one will question me.

What breaks my heart is that male sexual assault victims are not allowed to protect themselves. If a man shouts "stay back!" at a homeless person invading his space, he will appear overly violent and aggressive. If a man is groped by a woman, he is not allowed to punch or kick or bite or scream. Not without facing social consequences. Society expects men to endure the same situation I endured with the hug. Society expects men to feel the shame that comes with the perception of their own culpability — not because they're unable to protect themselves, but because society has proven that it won't take their side. Even after the fact, if a man admits to the assault, he is often ridiculed. The man who described being assaulted by Katy Perry a few years ago comes to mind.

I can't imagine the terror of assault from that perspective. To have someone come after you and have to decide whether what they seem to be planning is worth telling them to stop, even at the risk of being blamed or demonized for it. To have to decide whether it's worth physically stopping an attacker when there's a chance it'll make you look like the perpetrator. To have to make those really complex decisions at a time when your body is going into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. To have to dread the potential for inevitable comments like "well, what's the problem if she's hot?" It makes me wonder... how many times do they let things go? How many times have they had to let something happen, keep quiet about it, and try to move on as best they can?

Idk what the point I'm trying to make is exactly. I guess — while I'm so relieved to see people reacting appropriately to recent events and calling things what they are, I can’t help but think that no one ever knows how their actions will be perceived during an assault. It's a really brave thing to choose to protect yourself, and even braver to do it when you dont know what the consequences will be. In short, I'm glad we got our response right this time. I hope we get it right next time. And I hope that we can one day live in a world where we get it right every time. That's all, I guess. Let's all try to remember this. ❤️

[graygiantess]

Just out of curiosity, what about Loustat makes you not a fan? What is appealing about Devil's minion?

Hey Nonny!

Thanks for your questions!

My answers turned out longer than even I expected them to be so I put them below the break so people don’t have to scroll for a full minute if it comes across their dash and they're not interested in reading it. 🙈

Loustat

I'm just kind of burned out on them as a ship and on cannon-compliant Loustat fics. I wrote some more about why here with regards to fics. I might get back into them as the show and their story progresses.

I love the intricacies of their relationship and how solidly married they are in the show and how the way Louis views Lestat is in part influenced by how he views himself and his own relationship to his own vampirism.

I'd love to see more of their happy times together and them being a relatively happy family with Claudia, and those are the kind of fics I'm still interested in. The show is so rich and saturated and I really think it elevates everything from the books to a higher level, including Loustat.

But at the point in the story where we are now - at the end of S1 ep7/halfway through IWTV book - they just have no business being together, and I'm in no rush to see them get back together on the show.

They got violently divorced for a reason.

I'm convinced the show will make the reunion everything everyone has ever wanted (because the writers and actors are that good), but they need some time apart for both their sakes.

It's the whole 'right person at the wrong time' thing either Sam or Jacob mentioned, though I think a more complete description is that they're both not yet the people they need to be in order for things to be able to work out between them.

Louis needs to figure out who he would be if there was no Claudia and there was no Him (and no Armand), and Lestat needs to be in the dump for a while and think real hard about what he did to end up there.

I love Lestat as a character but I don't particularly like him as a person in S1 (which in this fandom is somehow a controversial stance, when it really shouldn't be). He did some really terrible things and even Lestat agrees that he deserved to get patricided.

And they kill him much harder in the book than they did on the show despite arguably having a much more solid 'case' against him in the show than they did in the book.

Which might also be part of the 'problem'. The writers will have to work really hard to get me to root for Louis taking Lestat back after all the shit he pulled.

Right now, my top 3 ships involving Louis are: Louis/therapy, Louis/Hot Girl Era and Louis/A Nice Boring Man.

But that’s not the type of story this is and Nice Boring Men are not Louis's type, and would make for a much less interesting viewing experience.

(Though I suppose the interview is some variation on Louis/therapy and I haven’t forgotten that casting call for brave homosexual men in the park.)

For now I'm just going to be in my little Armandaniel corner and even smaller Armandiago corner and come May 12th I'll be ready with my popcorn and my screaming crying throwing up gifs to let the tale emotionally destroy seduce me.

Devil’s Minion

Devil’s Minion/Armandaniel are toxic as fuck. Make no mistake. I'm fully prepared for them to be 'worse' than Loustat on the show because their chase didn't start off as a courtship. Armand is going to do some absolutely heinous things to that boy (not to mention the crimes he's about to commit in Paris) and Daniel is going to say a lot more out of pocket shit than he's already done in S1.

It's going to be nowhere near as fluffy as I write them.

They're stalker/victim to lovers, which is a dynamic I would never fuck with in any other genre, because ew (especially in straight ships where the patriarchy gives you an extra layer of power imbalance for free).

And I absolutely hate to be that bitch, but it's gothic horror and they're peak fucked-up gothic romance. 😭

And they're at least semi-self aware of the fact that their relationship is a fucked-up co-dependent hot mess, which somehow makes it more palatable to me. Because I think that's something that Loustat - and Louis in particular - are still struggling to come to terms with about their own relationship, and I don't know if they ever fully get there.

The powerful immortal x just some guy dynamic that I wrote about in my answer to an earlier ask is really what does it for me in terms of making this my favorite TVC ship.

Because Armandaniel also have absolutely no business being together and they're so bad for each other but also so perfect.

This is a very nuance-free, reductive summary, but Armand grows up to people seeing him and thinking "Wow, so pretty, I must possess him". Daniel sees Armand and thinks "Wow, so scary and off-putting, I must be possessed by him". And that's (part of) why Armand likes him back!

Armand has had such a shitty life and he's so done after Louis leaves him. And then he meets this weird little human who sees the darkness in him and wants him despite/because of that and isn't afraid to sometimes call him an immortal idiot, and he reminds Armand that there is beauty in the mundane and it makes Armand want to go on living.

Meanwhile Daniel doesn’t see human life as worth living, doesn’t understand that immortality is a curse and wants that.

And Armand will never be human again and once Daniel becomes a vampire it does actually fuck up what they had, just like Armand always feared.

How beautiful and tragic and doomed can it get?

There's a lot of similarities and parallels between Loustat and Armandaniel and Lestat-Armand and Louis-Daniel are widely understood to be each other’s respective foils. They're all navigating the same themes and issues in their own flawed ways.

I just like how Armandaniel do it slightly better. And because we don't know what we're getting from them in the show yet, it's easier for me to put my own spin on it when I'm writing fic or making feral screeching noises at Armand gifs.

Because right now my perception is based off the The Devil’s Minion chapter in QotD, filtered through my fangirly pink glasses.

In the show we've only seen Armand as Armand for about 5 minutes, 3 of which were in the S2 previews and trailers. And their interactions in S1 are 95% Daniel talking down to Armand because he thinks the power imbalance is skewed in his (Daniel’s) favor.

Which brings me back to likeabilty as a character vs. likeability as a person.

Show Daniel is not likeable. He is a miserable old cunt coming at both Louis and Armand (and Claudia!) from a position of white privilege.

But that doesn’t stop him from being absolutely fascinating as a character.

And, unlike in real life, being fascinating is much more important in a fictional character than being likeable is. Which brings me back to Lestat. 😊

Plus, the The Devil’s Minion chapter is just such a fever dream and an absolute treasure trove for fic writers.

They travel all over the world so DM Era fics can set in literally any location.

I wrote about Armand getting hyperfixated on toothpaste and that works because he gets fixated on much weirder things in canon. You can throw basically any special interest and niche hobby at him and it'll still be plausible.

Human AU where Armand is a billionaire who wears designer suits and only eats organic homemade food? Yes, of course! Human AU where Armand wears the exact same outfit every day and only eats Poptarts and one very specific kind of pizza from one specific restaurant? I buy it!

So much to write about.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 🙈

[evanpeters-is-daddy]

Weak.

Kai Anderson x male reader

Warnings: sh, angst, mental health problems, language, toxic masculinity

Masterlist

Request from @nvtallowed : I hope it's okay to write in the comments - can I request a kai anderson x male reader angst? like,y/n starts to feel insecure about his sh scars and random stuttering,starts to feel more mentally exhausted and screaming at kai so they get into a fight. If it's too ‘ violent ’ I'll request something more soft-

if yes,thank you so much !

Not proofread :)

A/N: I’m sorry if this is horrible, I’ve never written anything before, it’s also really short but straight to the point.

You had struggled with mental health for quite some time. You had random stutters too, which didn’t make you feel any better. Sometimes the feeling of rage, and sadness all builds up to the point of “there’s no other option than self harm.” Your friend Kai was no stranger to your struggles, but he didn’t necessarily help.

Lately, you’d been feeling extra depressed and exhausted. You went to the bathroom in Kai’s house, found a razor and stared blankly at it for a few minutes debating whether you should cut, or not. You knew how Kai would react. It’s happened before. “You’re weak.” He would say.

You finally made up your mind. You took the blade, held it to your wrist, and sliced. After the first cut, your mind went dark and empty. You kept cutting, up and down your arm and calmly watched the blood roll down your arm, onto your fingers, and onto the floor. Seeing this gave you a sense of relief.

A few minutes later, you went back downstairs to see Kai. He was sitting in the couch watching some news about the recent election.

“Where were you?” He asks, with his usual monotone voice. “Using the washroom, why?” “I heard you make a noise. Let me see.” Oh shit. He knew. “What?” you asked, slightly offended.

“That was a bullshit excuse, y/n. I know you were cutting yourself, I’m not fucking stupid.” He raised his voice, causing you to become even more afraid, offended and insecure.

“Kai it’s not any of your business” you yelled at him. He still sat there, eyes fixed on the tv. “You’re weak. All you ever do when things don’t go your way is mutilate yourself.” You started to tear up at his words.

Kai stood up and walked over to you. He grabbed you by the shoulders with such force. You tried to get out of his grip, but failed. He slapped you across the face, causing tears of distress and pain to fall down your face. “YOU ARE WEAK.” He screamed.

He got ahold of your shirts sleeve and tugged on it so he could see. “KAI S-STOP. WHATS YOUR FUCKING P-PROBLEM?!” You tried to control your tears but they kept coming. Drop after drop.

Kai finally let you go. “YOURE SO FUCKING WEAK, Y/N.” You ran towards the door, to get out of that shithole. You questioned your choice of friends. Why did you have to befriend a guy like Kai?

You get home a bit later, and flopped on your couch. You looked at your phone and saw a message from Kai. “You need to be a man. Toughen up, buttercup.” You turned your phone off, and fell into a deep sleep on your couch.

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @fearhims3lf @realmackross

TIMING: July 4th; not too long before midnight.

SUMMARY: After leaving her shift at Dance Macabre to head home, Mack unfortunately runs in Mateo shooting off fireworks. However, what comes next is very unexpected, but karma can be a real bitch sometimes.

WARNINGS: alcohol mention tw, eye trauma tw, teeth trauma tw, unsanitary tw (just in case), fireworks tw

July 4th. It was the first time she wasn’t going to be with her family on the annual holiday, and it was safe to say that Mackenzie was pretty upset. This holiday was always a special one, especially with her dad. From as far back as she could remember getting a pack of fireworks and shooting them off in the driveway was their tradition after a day of swimming, grilling out, and hanging out with her friends and family, but this year she had been stuck working a shift at Dance Macabre all the way across the country. All the emo kids had a right to celebrate, even if Mackenzie was bitter about it, “See you next shift, Mickey. Be safe going home.”

As Mack walked outside, she could hear the distant boom of fireworks from all the people who ignored the more than likely noise ordinance, “I’m sorry, Dad. Wish I could’ve been there this year…” Keeping her eyes on the sky, she moved closer towards where the sound was coming from hearing the loud whistle of bottle rockets and pop of firecrackers. 

With no carne asada and family to spend time with on the bullshit national holiday, Mateo took to blasting as many fireworks as he wanted. Dead Kennedys boomed on his speaker, the whistling blasters shooting to the sky. The mare had bought more than he needed, and he had to cross state lines to do so, but who was gonna touch him? With night casted, Mateo felt practically invincible. A cop could show up and he just needed one good touch or a slice of a shadow to make a run for it. 

Chuckling to himself, Mateo lit yet another cherry bomb, tossing it and watching as the smoke plumes out of the orb. Next were the Roman candles. Those were always his nephew’s favorite. “This is for you Oscar.” Mateo muttered to himself, striking his lighter to life. The flame was about to meet with the igniter when a familiar face came into view. “Oh, come on.” Seeing Mack growing closer, Mateo groaned to himself and slumped his shoulders as he turned to face her. The town was small, but not that small. “You’re following me at this point. You can’t even blame me this time.”

She was somewhat enjoying the display in the night sky and was grateful to whoever had chosen to risk shooting off fireworks this late in the evening. With sad eyes Mackenzie continued to watch the show, a very small smile slipping over her face for the first time in a long time, until she heard his voice. Oh fuck me. Looking away from the sky and over towards the man standing with the Roman candle in his hand, she let out a loud sigh, “My one tiny bit of enjoyment, and it’s you?!”

Taking a long, deep breath, she slowly let it out praying she could release the frustration along with it. Mackenzie wasn’t going to let Mateo ruin what little enjoyment she was garnishing from his hundreds spent on fireworks, “You know what? I’m not doing this shit tonight. Resume your little fireworks show.” She stepped back and spread both arms out motioning for him to resume. What’s the worst that could happen if she stood there quietly and enjoyed the explosion of gunpowder right in front of her…

Mateo rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the way Mackenzie went straight to anger. He didn’t even get it anymore. He’d answered her questions and spared her life. What more did she want from him? Sure, Mateo had a precarious job that required questionable morals and a violent nature, but every job had its stipulations, didn’t it? And every position had its perfect candidate! It’s not his fault that it was him.

“Listen, I’m very good at bringing enjoyment to people. You’re just bad at receiving it. And that ain’t my problem.” Flicking the lighter to life, Mateo guided the flame to the tip of the Roman candle, the telltale sizzle sending sparks outward. “You ready for me to resume then?” He pointed the firework toward Mackenzie, knowing it wouldn’t actually hurt the undead girl if anything happened. Well, not really. Wasn’t like it would kill her again. It was a Roman candle. One of the least deadly of all the fireworks. Especially if she was a zombie, like he suspected.

She had never used to be this bitter in life. To be this person. She had usually felt bad for these people. What awful thing had caused them to become so closed off to life and the enjoyment of things? Of course, Mackenzie knew she was blessed. She had a job and life most people could only dream of. She was happy and was about to spend the rest of her days with someone amazing who understood her way of life and career. Even the being a zombie thing wasn’t so bad at first. A lot of change, but she could handle that. She had spent her whole life adapting to change, right? But then in one split second, it was all over, and Mackenzie became exactly who she swore she’d never be.

“Enjoyment? You feed off of nightmares! That may be fun for you, but not a lot of people enjoy watching the worst moments from their life constantly flash before their eyes over and over and over again in horrific ways. And like I said…didn’t come here to fight tonight. Just came to watch you blow tons of money literally to pieces.” She huffed and shook her head, “And don’t point that fucking thing at me since you lit it dum-” Before Mackenzie could get another word out the sparks that had quickly made their way down the fuse and past the lift charge shot out the first shell from the tube exploding in Mackenzie’s face.

For a moment she stood stunned. Having not had anything to eat in several hours, her reflexes were failing her severely as another shell shot out and hit her square in the face again, this time sending debris into her right eye. Finally realizing what was happening, Mackenzie screamed as she backed away, temporarily blinded by the firework stumbling over herself and falling to the ground with a hard thud. While her senses to pain were numbed, she could still feel a burning sensation over her now skinned and charred face, “WHAT.THE.FUCK, MATEO!?!” The helpless zombie moaned in pain refusing to move from her spot on the ground.

“There’s more to me than just eating nightmares.” Mateo snapped his teeth playfully, “I party and sell music, which people enjoy by the way. I even play a mean game of pool.” He shrugged, dismissing Mackenzie’s warnings. He wasn’t going to let the roman candle actually fire off toward—it released its spark before Mateo had a chance to react. 

Well, fuck.

Okay. Maybe pointing a firework directly at someone was a little too far. Okay, a lot far. Mateo winced at the scream, rushing to Mackenzie’s side quickly and taking off his jacket to throw it onto the girl’s face to put out whatever fire he caused to continue.

“Okay, that was fucked up. Really fucked up. It shot off too soon!” He hovered over Mackenzie a little longer, only pulling away when he was sure there was no fire. “Are you okay?” Mateo removed his jacket slowly, blinking with surprise at the charred skin and black blood covering the girl’s face. Wasn’t the worst thing he’d seen, but it didn’t exactly smell great either.

If she could have passed out, she would have, but instead she sat there silently as Mateo threw his jacket over her face to smother the fire. Mackenzie was in shock. The worst thing that had ever happened was breaking her neck and back during the stunt that ended her life. Never had she experienced a Roman candle to the face. It was certainly not her idea of fun, and this was coming from a girl who had a passion for dangerous things. But the longer she sat there, the funnier the whole situation became. Either Mackenzie was losing her mind, at that moment, or she just didn’t care anymore. If she had had a gag reflex the situation would have been a lot worse, so at least there was one thing going for her.

Slowly opening her left eye, Mack realized her right one was fucked - at least until hopefully a new one grew back, which she didn’t know was possible having never experienced something like this before, “Well considering I’m an actress and you just shot me in the face with a Roman candle…” She looked up at him with her one good eye, before a snort came out, “I mean how could things get any worse?” Her fiance was dead due to her lack of regard, her acting career was probably over, there was a good chance she wouldn’t see her family again… “I need a drink…or a doctor…or both. I don’t really know anymore. What do you suggest?”

Mack’s injury slowly began repairing itself, flesh crawling and muscle regenerating. Mateo watched closely, memorizing the way everything stitched back together from the burnt edges they once were. He smiled, already thinking of all the ways he could use the imagery for the nightmares he’d be creating in the future. “Huh?” Mackenzie’s voice managed to grow from muffled to clear, making Mateo blink with a hit of confusion. Then, when the mention of drinks registered, he chuckled, shaking his head amusedly. 

“Well, getting you to a doctor won’t be a good idea. That’s a sure-fire way to get you kidnapped and sent to Area 51 for experimentation.” Shaking his head from side to side in thought, Mateo bounced his eyebrows and leaned back knowingly. “But…I do have quite a bit of alcohol back at my place. It’ll be free considering I just fuckin’ fired a Roman candle to your face, so it’s quite literally the least I can do.” He sighed, shrugging. “That’s just my suggestion though, fam. I might even be able to jump around in some shadows and get you them damn brains you guys be dronin’ about.”

Just like the day she had died, a strange feeling had started taking over Mackenzie’s body. It was a ticklish sensation, and something that seemed rare these days. Her face didn’t quite sting as much. Small open wounds that had once sprinkled her features, were now disappearing. But there were still a few larger ones taking their sweet time, like the one near her jaw that had left a small hole almost revealing her teeth. Her eye, however, was still fucked, and it scared her to even try and open it.

“I mean is it though at this point? I could be like…” She was having trouble thinking as it was taking her strength away to heal the wounds on her face, “like that…grrr…grrrrr…gorilla that knows sign language.” Mack remained on the ground, but everything he said had sounded good, especially the mention of brains. It made her salivate more than usual, which wasn’t a whole hell of a lot, “Brains and liquor good.” She reached up trying to find his hand like a small child, “Help me.” Her speech was getting shorter as she tried not to think too much, scared of losing herself like she did the night Brody died.

“With the way you regenerate, they’re more likely to starve you and dissect you. Gorillas get a different approach, I’m afraid.” Mateo rubbed at his face, plucking his jacket away. It had remnants of Mack’s skin, but with it on the back of the garment, he still put it back on and offered a hand.  “All right there, cavewoman. Very good, huh?” Mateo couldn’t help but chuckle and mimic the voice, the ridiculous aspect of the whole situation not lost on him. It was only a matter of time until Mackenzie was stalking about, droning about the one thing she wanted. “My car’s around the corner,” Taking a hold of Mack’s hand, Mateo helped her up, draping her arm across his shoulders and wrapping his arm around her. “Let’s go get you brains and liquor.”

[popculturebuffet]

Watchmen Issue By Issue #11 (Of 12): Look On My Works Ye Mighty.... (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you beautiful mystery men. It's almost midnight as my yearlong issuesodic look at Watchmen is almost done. It's been a long ride through bdsm costumes, pirate comics, far less blue penis than I had steeled myself for, the mighty red planet arakko, right wing conspiracy theories, television teleportation and more. But we're at the end.

Yeah I thought we'd finished all the spotlight, more experimental issues. But turns out I remembered things wrong. See I thought the big climactic battle with Adrian was this issue, but turns out it STARTS here and ends next issue. Instead since we now know he's the mastermind one question remains

Okay two question remains.. the other is simply; Why? And going in KNOWING Adrian did it and why I can say over this years Moore left plenty of clues. Like I said it is obvious by the end.. but even early on there are subtle hints it's him. The biggest we'll get to but lucky for me, this issue threads us through all of it. So join me under the cut as he walks us through everything..and how he did it all 35 minutes ago.

We open with him musing for a while. I will admit it took a few readings to get past the

Stage of my analysis and to what he was getting at: that when you look at the bigger picture, past the media white noise, what's going on, when you see everything.. you can see where it's headed. I think at least. It's mostly because that's why Adrian did all this. He saw what was coming.. and it's why he had to.

Outside Dan dan the wallpaper man makes a n intresting case to ice shack: Adrian.. isn't planning like a man whose trying to end the world. He's optimistc a future will happen… so it brings to question what's his end game then? Why take away the world's saftey net and plunge it this close to the brink?

Before we get to that i'm going to go ahead and deal with the subplot for this issue. We see newstand guy, and see what happens around him. Specifically two characters we've seen before, a top not named Josephine and her partner. And her partner, tired of Jo's radicalizm (it was her idea to put the poster up), and breaking down a bi tboth wants ot break up and wants to be straight. This leads to a fight.. and a very noble moment from someone we haven't seen in a while for Malcom is back.

Unsurprisingly his wife wants to reconcile wanting to make up before the apolocylpse. This.. quickly falls apart as said wife.. is still a costco sized box of awful and entitlement. When Malcom understandably wants to help jo not get beaten and possibly assaulted by her ex, his wife… tell shim to stop solving other peoples problems and blah blah blah

This.. does have a valid point. It shows.. what people are when you strip away everything and the world itself starts to end. Some break from who they really are and become violent, some show their true ass and refuse to help, and some like captain asshole police man stop by to stop a random fight despite far worse things happening

So it shows who Malcom truly is that out of all these people, all who we've seen before the only one trying to stop help a mostly innocent person, to help change things, and ot break up a fight with police brutality or simply stand and do nothing.. is Malcom. That despite Rorshach claming he was just doing it for the book or for himself.. that Rorshach was wrong.

It sadly shows though.. that Adrian was right.. but for that.. we have to back up a bit. Adrian calls some of his science people who worked on his plan to his atrium for a drink. And while he does.. we begin his backstory….

Adrian was born into privlage, having wealthy parents of average intelligence. Adrian was born a genius, suppressing said gifts as our society often encourages us to and when they died when he was only 17, Adrian was left wanting for nothing.. yet wanting for nothing he burned with an urge to do everything. Unlike many with riches who yearn to do things just because they have money, Adrian yearned to do more but like many, found only someone he could relate to in history, Alexander the Great. A fellow young person who seemingly conquered and did everything. He admired him and followed his journey since you know rich white guy with tons of money. He may have better ideas in mind but he still can't resist a fancy vacation.

It's through it he realizes the tragedy of Alexander.. that he left things having died early of infection at 33 not having united the world nor left an empire that could exist without him. A legacy that truly mattered. So adrian vowed to return and set about on his own legacy inspired by egypt as alexander was: to conquer mankinds ills rather than it's peoples.

Meanwhile our two riders finally finish approaching and enter the weird atrium where adrian just filled it with snow and killed all those people he was talking to. They enter and Dan is still conflicted: Adrian's always been such a peachy guy. How do they play this? Shouldn't they try talking? Rorshach's plan is naturally

And it's another of those rare times he's actually right. Probably using em all up. IT's fine to find out WHY adrian caused an apocalypse, but maybe figure that out after they make sure they can stop it.

That said their attempt to stop him is sadly futile. Hilarious and entirely impressive for Adrian, but futile.

I love this scene so much. It's adrian treating two of his only friends trying to subdue him with the same gravity as if they came in and threw their coats on the ground and tracked snow in. There's a good reason for that, as he'll ironically explain shortly, but even the fight is a minor inconvenience. He breaks Shach's arm with no effort, and reflects Dan's attack with even less. He defeats two people we've seen tear through crooks like tissue paper and in Shach's case stare down and taken town crooks bigger, stronger and far more connected than him with what he had on hand in what had to be a minute at most.. then politiley asks them what their doing. He even starts explaining his backstory to them again, picking up where he left off, having clearly PLANNED to continue his speech to his former comrades.

It's the supervillian equilvent of playing the last few rounds of a game of mario party when you know already if you've won or lost and nothing you do will change that: You don't want to go thorugh the motions of the rest of the turns, but you have to to get the rewards for it.

So Adrian continues: he tried crime fighting.. but was soon dispelled of the notion all of society's evils were in it's criminals by one man: Edward Blake. When trying to find out where the Hooded Justice , the first mystery man, disappeared to, he found blake and they ended up fighting as Blake "thoguht he was a crimnal" code for "teach the brat a lesson". Adrian lost in the short term, realzing Blake might be involved.. and there's nothing he can do.

It's a brilliant take on one of the most common criticsms of superheroes: that for all they can do… they can only change so much by fighting crime. Is doing all you can and putting your faith in humanity to do the right thing and get better, to simply catch us when we fall, enough? It's a question that's been asked and disected endlessly in superhero comics and that's at the heart of this story: what can a masked man really DO for society. How car can dressing up in neat outfits and punching people go. Watchmen isn't the only work to ask this question: Around the same time we got Squadron Supreme from Marvel (another work on my ever mounting pile of things I can review) which asked the question what if the Justice League just straight up took over the world for it's greater good? Why haven't the supermen taken over and fixed this? Why do they whisper back no? To me the answer is simple: because ultimately if mankind succeeds or fails.. is on us. Someone in a costume shoudln't be the arbiter of good and evil. if they can help us stop being self destructive asses, great, but despite claims by some otherwise they arent' meant to stifle or babysit us, but to inspire us. To show what a person can do, powered or not, when they simply try. Superman put it best at the end of the first arc of JLA:

To me superheroes are there to inspire, do what change they can, and let humanity progress on it's own. They can fight for social change, openly protest shit like homophibia or actively fight the fights the normal man dosen't have the power to. But trying to take over the world or even just shift it.. isn't in their hands. It's as shown with Alexander the great in this very comic: it's creating a utopia that just can't live without him and one that would be paved in blood. If superman just said "put down your weapons and listen to me" it woudln't create peace. it'd just create people trying to kill superman, as we saw with Jon being a living nuke detergent. Adrian does smartly not make it bank entirely on him.. but what he has to do to get us to stop is truly horrifying. It's a question we'll get into more time but a simple one: is it worth millions of lives, as we'll see this takes, to save all of them? Was their a better way? Again.. more next time.. but it's the fact there are no easy answers that make this comic what it is.

Adrian first started to think it might be worth it. with his work feeling hollow.. and then changing entirely with the crimebusters meeting. That's the smoking gun, the big clue that it's him, that was lying there the whole time: the image of him consulting that burned map after Eddie made an ass of himself.. and the simple line "Somebody's gotta save the world" While Captain Metropolis was ENTIRELY wrong about what the world needed saving from, he was right; The world needs saving…

And the ills Adrian saw… were ones VERY horrifying and very real at the time: two superpowers who both KNEW the risk of nuclear armageddon, both having a finger on the trigger.. but neither trusting each other enough to take it off. Money being spent more and more on war, the enviroment downsliding. IN many ways it's issues we still face: money going to war instead of to help people, the enviroment dying because of human greed… it was all too much and still is.

So adrian started studying and puts all the pieces of this plan together: every last one was carefully constructed and every one fits into the story flawlessly: Moore and Gibbons thought this out to the last second and this comes off as the plan of a mad genius, a man sunken to doing awful things in the face of survivial.. just like our character from the tails of the black freighter.. but where as the captain there is screaming, lost to his savagery, adrian keeps a mask of sanity as he describes how he willingly gave people cancer to help break jon, too unpredictable to allow into the plan. And that's not even the worst thing he plans to do for this... we'll get to that but when "giving innocent people cancer to frame someone because he's a slight bother to your plans" isn't the worst thing about it, you know your plan is just a little absolutely fucked.

As for The Comedian, it was simply him being the wrong place at the wrong time: After coming back from a mission he saw the boat, assumed it was drugs or something and followed it to the island.. and found out Adrians plan: to construct a fake alien invasion, a giant monsterous squid. It's why he needed artists AND scientests and why a comic book man was among them: the scientests were to make this actually happen, the artists were to design this thing to perfectly be plausable but as fantastical as needed. Sure it was an implusable .. but as another fictional genius once said "once you elminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter who imporbable, must be the truth". Humanity won't stop fighting it's wars.. so it needed an enemy that was both impossible but also something it couldn't ignore.

As for how it was teleportation: John had made it possible.. but him having to make electric cars was another clue: it couldn't work on people , so the squid would be sent , and via stuff it was programmed with with a trigger, to explode it's clone human brain and create a psychic shockwave leveling half of new york. In an instant humanity would have a new threat to level against, peace within our time would be acomplished.

It's why Adrian feels Blake went mad: he was made obsolete, a man of war in an era of peace. And it's left vauge… did Blake break down to Moloch because he'd be left obsolete.. or because even for a guy as horrible as blake the idea of millions of people dying at once, and in a way he coudln't prevent without speeding up war further, was just too much. That even someone as monsterous as Blake.. coudl see how wrong this was yet how he coudln't do anything about it. It's a great bit of subtly.

As for the other stray pieces those are simple: Rorshach was framed because he was getting too close, and the assasination was faked to throw suspecion of adrian and use Rorshach's narritive for his own good. It's likely, though not outright said, Adrian knew Dan would latch onto it and thus come to confront him.. but that it stalled them both enough. For you see, when Dan confronts Adrian prepared to stop his plan before he hurts anyone…. we get one of the most iconic, crushing, and amazing lines in any work of fiction ever. I stand FIRMLY behind that statment: it's simply one line, one panel, but in one panel it deconstructs the villianous monologue and utterly changes how this climax is going to play out… our heroes came in expecting to be able to stop this, that Adrian was simply monologing. But as I hinted at earlier, he was going through the motions.. and he'd already won the game 35 minutes ago

It's a simple line but one that just shakes you. He has won.. and seconds after we see how as all these people we followed throughout the entire comic, all these every day people from the far right newspaper man to the psychatrist…

And that's where we'll leave it. There is an interview portion.. but frankly this ending is too impactful. Adrian has won, just about every character who isn't on mars or in antartica is dead, the question we'll answer next month when the clock hits midnight and this story ends.. is "What Now?"

[hannahwatcheshorror]

SAW IV (2007)

SAW IV fills in a lot of backstory as to why John became Jigsaw (we give the introduction after they have left the building, as with PEARL), we even meet his ex-wife! This movie certainly pulls from the previous films [I, II, & III] so if you haven’t seen those I am not sure how well this will track (even with all the flashbacks). There are a lot of little loose ends that get tied up but inevitably they create more ends that need tying (thank goodness for more sequels!). 

(Trigger Warning Suicide, Rape)

⭐⭐⭐⭐

If I thought the previous film made me squirmy, the intro scene for SAW IV takes the cake. Watching our good friend John Kramer lifeless on a table and being dug into (when there probably isn’t even a key inside of him!) is sickening. But there was a tape in him! So it all worked out in the end (and I was able to eat my cheese stick after the autopsy scene was over). This movie features bad people getting things coming to them which is what is usually so good about SAW in the first place. Two of the people who were chosen to bleed were a rapist and a child abuser and it was very nice to see them suffer!

I FIGURED OUT WHY HOFFMAN always freaked me out and it took a word from this decade. Mewing. Detective Hoffman is a mewer and that is why he always freaked me out but I didn’t have a word for it until now (the killing didn’t bug me at all, I guess). The actor looks like a normal man but Hoffman is straight up altering his face structure (some Stephen King IF IT BLEEDS type shit). Hoffman might be off hoffing a man, but he's going to look damn good doing it (huh?). Anyway, Hoff is sketchy all movie even when he is tied up and a “victim.”

Our main man is Rigg and he has a problem with wanting to save everyone (except his marriage, am I right, ladies?) so Jigsaw selects him for the player of the game and the pawn this time around is Donnie Wahlberg again! Technically Hoffman is there too but he isn’t so much a pawn, and there is also a lawyer there but he is more of a witness than a pawn. ANYWAY. Rigg is meant to save people by not saving them which is very hard for an action boy to do (total opposite of the main guy from SAW III). He ends up having to fend off one of the girls he saves because she tries to kill him! Sad! Then he finds a creepy rapist and becomes a little mini Jigsaw by making the rapist strap into a device that real Jigsaw made! Wild! Next onto a lady who let her husband die which was honestly so slay of her since he BEAT HER AND THEIR KID. (UGH!) She is the only one who escapes and is relatively happy (free divorce!).

Finally Rigg gets to the last door and is told not to open it, so he promptly rushes in the room… We love a man who cannot follow simple instructions, when he opens the door he ends up getting two of the three people inside killed (whoops!). These events all took place at the same time as SAW III (except the very beginning autopsy, that was really at the end, it is a trip) and during Rigg’s time in the trials a pair of agents are trying desperately to uncover who is helping Jigsaw. We get a ton of backstory from John’s ex-wife and it turns out she ran a free clinic and a violent patient caused her to lose her baby so that is what made John-o go bad. Now things make a little more sense but John is for sure dead so the question is how are things going to continue?

[asdear]

Thanks to a dream I had last night, I had the random idea of how I'd rewrite Avon Hertz's character if I could change him entirely.

And personally, I feel like his personality was poorly written anyway, like someone at Cockstar was like, "Let's make him a narcissist and just throw every stereotype of narcissism for his character. Also, let's make it obvious from his personality that he's trying to do something shady."

Because yes, I see Avon's personality like that. I see it as being poorly written or forced that it just easily gives away his true colors. Even when I played The Doomsday Heist for the very first time years ago, I had a bad feeling about Avon almost right away. 🫠

(Also, this is the part of my dream that inspired me to make this post. Just the way he calmly walks by his cyborg/robot things who "died." His canon self would've just cowardly run out.)

Anyway, this is how I'd reimagine Avon:

I would still make him a narcissist, but a more realistic one, with some characteristics/vibes of El Rubio, including being more threatening and violent (especially verbally). Basically, he presents as being a modest, sophisticated, and "good" guy, but in reality, he's much more evil, sadistic, and manipulative.

I especially would take out most of his narcissistic comments so that he talks less about himself or trying to do something "good" for the world. I feel like if he hid his selfish comments most of the time, it would make him less aggravating to listen to. Also, knowing from experience, narcissists usually like to hide their narcissistic side anyway.

Anytime he's questioned about his intentions/anything he's doing, instead of throwing a fit with something like, "Why are you questioning me? Do you not trust me? How pathetic do you have to be to not have faith in someone trying to do something good for humanity?", he may instead say something like...

"You have no idea what I'm trying to do. Please just trust me, I'm begging you. I know you may have trust issues with me, but it's okay - we all have trust issues, and there's no shame in that. I promise you that you'll gain your trust in me after you see what I'm doing. I'm not going to break that promise with you."

So yeah, he doesn't focus on verbally attacking the person in all of his sentences. Especially with the "trust issues" parts, he throws in those words, plus using "supportive" comments, to gaslight them.

In other cases, he straight-up intimidates the person. If no one else is around, he gets close to them and makes threatening comments. He may say something like, "Either you show trust in me, or I'll show you that you would regret not trusting me."

However, if he's around other people, he'll laugh it off as a joke while still hinting that he'll do something to them, such as, "Oh, man. Don't you love people sometimes? Trust issues and social blindness are one hell of a problem. I'm sure some sort of karma will get to them for not seeing what I'm trying to do."

He also flatters/charms the protagonists sometimes, such as, "I do not know what I'd do without you, so thank you for this," "I couldn't have anyone else getting these tasks done; you guys are all I need," "I'm the only one who understands what dangers you may exactly face in these missions. I care about you guys, and I don't want you getting hurt or killed. Whatever you do, please be careful when getting these things for me," or, "As much as I need these things, I worry about you guys. Has anyone else you worked for told you that? If not, I'm the one who has said that. Remember that I will always care about you when no one else does." Again, using a tactic like this to be manipulative/pretend to be worried or caring for the protagonists.

If he hurts someone, most notably mentally, he'll say, "I did not mean to hurt you," even though he did mean it. He'll even say, "Please stop overreacting/being dramatic," if the person gets angry at him for it.

When betraying the protagonists, instead of what he says in the game, he says in a sarcastic tone, "Well, how exactly did you make that up, Bogdan? I'd like to know. An older man like you must be so wise and smart. Am I right?" Then, he laughs and says, "Do your thing, Cliffford." Cliffford then initiates self-destruction on the submarine, promoting Bogdan and the protagonist(s) inside to escape. Especially after Avon's "do your thing" comment, Cliffford then takes control of every defense network in San Andreas, just like in the game.

When Act 3 occurs, he doesn't talk most of the heist, though he'll occasionally throw in some calm threats or manipulative comments. These threats/verbal attacks and manipulative comments may be stuff like...

"Just know that humanity will be wiped out, and you all will be burned alive and dragged down to hell."

"I'll make sure my men put holes in your fucking heads!"

"I gave you money for acquiring things for me. We both gained something out of all of this. Why can't you appreciate that we were being equal and fair with each other?"

"Laughs You're going to regret coming after me, my friends."

"How adorable - some mute psychopaths trying to be good for once and save their precious world. Adorable... but how pathetic."

When he's escaping, he doesn't announce it, but the supporting characters (Lester, Agent 14, and Mrs. Rackman) can still detect that he's escaping.

When the characters confront him, he keeps his signature lines when escaping with a jetpack. I figured this part would still fit him, even as a rewritten character.

Yeah, this is how I envision him if he was a more interesting character. Lowkey, I like this version of Avon more, like he just feels like a realistic narcissist and also feels more like a threat.

In my opinion, his canon character doesn't feel all that threatening, especially since he's a massive coward and childish; it just "takes away"/decreases his sadistic side and makes him feel less threatening. So, I just thought I'd reimagine him as someone more evil and threatening. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And yes, as I said, I took inspiration from El Rubio's personality and threw it onto Avon. I feel like Avon being a mix of a realistic narcissist and an incredibly deranged and violent sociopath/psychopath would make him more interesting as an antagonist. 🤔

[northwest-cryptid]

Not sure if I'm being honest as I'm not from that side of things. If the question was rhetorical then by all means pay no heed to this response. I'm only really able to take an educated guess here. However I think it's possible they view those two things as one in the same.

It's less of "I think this Republican will improve my life independently of the effect on others. I.e lower taxes, raise wages, cut cost of living, etc." and likely more of "I believe this Republican will root out the problems with America (The Gays, Women's Rights to Bodily Autonomy which is seen by this individual as murder, Trans People, Minorities, The Poor) which in turn will make my life (as a straight, middle class, cis, likely man but even possibly a woman, white person) better by making things "safer" for me and my nuclear family."

That's the only real thing I can imagine, based on the sort of stuff I hear a lot of Republicans and right wing extremists discuss. There's this widespread belief that minorities and the poor cause violent crimes, that the gays and trans people cause sexual crimes, and that obviously abortion goes against God since it's "murder" and all that. The fact that the majority of Right Wingers are heavily Christian also contributes as the majority of the individuals they talk about are not. So it's easy for them to view us as godless heathens who must either be converted and "fixed" or killed off and removed from their holy ground. A lot of it comes from the church or other social cultures of "us vs them" type stuff.

Again this is just kinda speculation based on the arguments I've heard, there's absolutely more to it that I'm probably either just not mentioning because it slipped my mind (like they probably also feel this way about people with mental disabilities); or simply because I'm not in those sorts of social circles so I may be unaware of some of the finer details.

But that's my best crack at an actual answer for you. Doesn't mean I agree with or understand any of why someone would think this way obviously.

Why is it even close though. Genuinely how can a single person be so fucking stupid that they think any Reublican president will improve their life, or so pathetic and gutless they're just that hopeful it'll hurt other people they don't like.

[shimozunai]

oh boy

When I figured out I was trans, I was so ashamed of myself. I wouldn’t believe what I was (and im still am). Its not like I had friend who were trans at that time. I first told my friends. They named Nathan. I tried to tell my family. Mother was not that shocked and accept it (she just had some months to adapt), sisters were okay. But dad no. Dad said no. and we never talk about it ever again since. So every time people who knew my trans identity and were toward my family, I didn’t know how to act. I was and I’m still uncomfortable about my identity and my dad? It’s like I cannot be me when I’m toward him. 

Mother wanted to name me Hélios. It’s so cool and it really fit more my personality than Nathan, but I feel I can’t ask people to call me that way, rechange my name would be asking too much. Like people don’t really understand what is trans identity and asking them to call me another name than the “second”  it’s not something I can do (may be I’m just  a coward). I am scared that not people can love me or just accept. People already disrespect me or insult me for being trans. They ask me questions they wouldn’t dare to ask to other “normal” people.

I still don’t know how to react when people call me “girl, she” or anything about me being a woman, but do I really look like a girl?! Do I sound like a girl to you?! I hate it. Because people my gender shouldn’t be assumed by some random people just because I’m wearing some earrings. And that’s even more horrible when it’s people who know or at least have heard of it. Like a guys really said to me “Nathan?! I thought you were a guy?!” THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT DUDE!!! I’m a boy, it’s not because I don’t have a penis or a flat chest that I am not a man. Most of the time they just laugh and continue to call me “her”, wondering why I am upset after them, like they did nothing wrong. Can’t you use your brain and respect me for a sec? After that they figured out that I am trans, they usually go to the same questions again, and again. “What’s between your legs? Who are you attracted to? When did you BECOME a boy?” Like wtf open a book it’s fucking 2024 it’s not like you never heard of trans identity.  How on earth can you be that intolerant toward people who are just different to you? Im not the one who should be ashamed about who I am. Should be you to be ashamed of your own disrespectful behavior. I cannot feel secured when you’re toward me, so I cannot explain what I’m. Even if I wanted to, you wouldn’t get it. You don’t want to understand. You should be the one people stair at because you do not accept differences. I know that I can’t be educated on every subject and that the same for every one, but at least being respectful, it’s common sense. You can ask questions but there are limits. It is normal if you’re not aware about a subject but it doesn’t mean it is t-right if you make fun of me because you do not understand.  Don’t be obnoxious and laugh at me it is really irrepsectful and in some kind of way, it is pathetic. It just makes me feel like a freak show. That’s why I’m upset when people laugh. That’s why I’m impulsive and react violently when people ask too much thing about my gender. It’s because I don’t know if you’re a danger to me or you just don’t know anything about what you’re doing. So when I’m saying I’m a man, just go along with it & shut up. 

My trans identity is also a “problem” with love or relationship because I do not know their sexuality or which gender thy are attracted to. There was a boy I was kinda attracted to, I was a little drunk, but it was all okay. So I presented myself, I didn’t hide him my gender or anything and we kissed. But after that he told me he was straight and that I was a “good kisser for a trans”. Not really respectful. There was also a girl I kinda like, not in a romantic way, but I was clearly attracter. We kissed. We talk, we knew each other for about two years, she was clearly aware of my trans identity. And she told me, may be ten time that she might be a lesbian. Like it’s okay if you’re attracted to women when your are a woman yourself, but don’t tell me this straight after kissing me. 

Ok I understand, people cannot love me or being attracted to me. It’s also a problem when I fell in love with someone who did who did nothing, but just reject being because of my trans identity. Yes I have a vagina, but I don’t feel like im a woman. Like you can be attracted to my body, but nit my gender. I won’t talk about my personality which is also a big issu about relationship. To resume, I’m attracted to everyone but nobody (until now on) is attracted to me. It’s not like it hurts me, not anymore. It’s logical, people do not understand me, so they can not love me. 

Will I ever be enough masculine for you to be call a man?  No matter how hard I tried, people always figured out that im trans. I just want to love me. As a trans man. I do not want any penis, I do not want a deep, deep voice. I just want to have a flat chest and being called “boy”. That’s all I want. I just want to be me. To become me. I want to be considered as a divine creature. My body will be a source of inspiration. But I feel like my body will always be subject of discord & question. But I’m sure that one day? When I’d done that top surgery, nobody would hurt me. My body will be mine again. No matter what you think, with that body, I’ll wear whatever I want, and I’ll still be a man, I’ll still be handsome. Being trans does not suppress my beauty. (I really think it increases it)

Sometimes (it doesn’t happen as much as before) I am questioning myself about my gender. It’s about 5 years that I figured ut my trans identity, but still have some thoughts about it. Like “Am I really trans or I’m just faking it? Can’t I just be cis? I’m not dramatic? I just hate my body. Like , buy, you are trans and it’s okay. There is no much people who can understand who can understand and not much more who can help me with it.bIt’s not their fault, but it keeps me awake at night, and even if I always figure out the same thing, this questions had help me with my body. Because, thanks to that questions, I now know that penis is not something I want between my legs. My view of masculinity, is, I think, a lot more different than people can think. Being me, it’s being a man, that’s how I feel, and it’s how I want people to treat me. Being trans is not wrong, it’s just different.

[thesunandhermoon1]

okay it's time

time to review the series "the gentlemen" on netflix.

yesterday i started to watch it but only got to episode 3 and gave up my bf though - a straight man still until now watches it, gulps it like it's orange juice, no surprise here. so here's my reasons why i hate it and i put it here cause none of my friends will understand my opinions and where i'm coming from and people just don't like opinions now the world is weird. moving on.

the first episode struck me in a really weird ,off putting way for a women. immediately you can see the script is written by a guy. and then in episode 2 you find out it is - yup this is all an imaginative\dreamy world for straight guys. obnoxious to me. gorgeous to my bf. moving on. the main character - cameron from white lotus - i think it's a bad choice of the casting - he's playing someone british and little bit cheeky and he lacks both. but his character is manly, cold, no emotions, just smart actions, precise, always have the best ideas for both worlds when there's conflict, always the one in charge and never the one who does a mistake, goof around or be happy. he is happy in a mind game of some sort. and this is the epitome of what every guy would love to be and aspire to me. - obnoxious but understandable. he's put now in a position of power thus becomes a boring man that always does the good thing. in a world with no complex humane emotions, a world of good and bad and solutions.

and then there's susie, a girl, powerful by powerful means emotionless, no turbulence, just a girl that loves money, power, mind games and boys, always decisive, always in charge. blugh.

what i hate in the world of art right now is really, the going to a bad or good world. you always have a hero that's responsible and just have to fix other people's issues, and then he becomes a winner, with a girl on his side. as if the world just operates like that. i have a friend that does a stupid mistake i will go and solve it and show that irresponsible person how to do things. as if were always here to correct, as if were always a problem solving humans. always have two sides good choice, or bad choice. life always gives you those options. and the violence in shows right now is baffling. revenge of the good guys is on fire. as if artists do that in a way to resolve their view of the world. but for the long term it will affect us negatively. believe me. we will become narrow minded, full of Self-importance, people who deserves some kind of solution or justice which doesn't really exist. it's an illusion. we will become more violent for the greater good. and always choosing a side. man will become more and more trying to aspire to those standards. it's just .. not realistic and making you wheels turn in a bad way.

soundtrack- good

really similar to the white lotus in the way that the story gets crazy - over it you guys. stop it it's not good.

i said it yesterday that we are probably in the cubism era, where we question everything classical. it bothers me but the world's changing and i'm an old goose.

but the thing that really made me tired is that every episode have this challenge they need to tackle. boringg. also the script is just so masculine. so that's why i gave up thank for being here. bye.

[cherryeol04]

Action! | Ch. 10

Genre: Humor, Romance, Slice of life?, Crackheadedness

Pairings: BaekRen, MinRon

Work Count: 1.6K

Summary:  From the moment he was casted, Ren wasn't sure if he had what it would take to be a pop idol. Losing faith in himself, he was going to give up the future he had always wanted, but one person stood by his side and renewed his faith. After a hot debut and rapid growth of stardom, Ren started to notice that maybe this person, his close friend, was something more. But how could a straight man even remotely think of a homosexual relationship?

Warnings: Homophobia, some smut (chapters will be marked)

A/N: I wrote this series back in 2012 and used OCs and over the top writing style for arguments. Whoops. Lmao it’s pretty decent though, so I hope you enjoy!

↶Previous     Next↷

Baekho’s POV

I don’t know why I even mentioned this to Minki. This is probably my worst idea ever. And I know the other is just smirking with that ‘I told you so’ smirk of his. I knew I should have just stopped and dropped the conversation. But damn my manly pride! I wanted to be right, to prove the other wrong. Why? Why did I care about a gay or bisexual person’s relationship? I’m not gay; I don’t care if a guy hooks up with a guy.

I can still remember the conversation.

~*~*~

“What happened to not meddling in their affairs?” Minki asked, glaring at me. I didn’t like the idea any better, but it was obvious to us, to Minhyun and probably JR and Aron that this whole situation was detrimental to our group. If one person couldn’t function properly, we might as well just call it quits now. Something had to be done.

“Yeah I know, but face it, if we don’t do something this isn’t going to get better.” I said.

“You don’t know that. You’re just like me, completely clueless in this situation. What the hell are we going to do? Lock them in the bathroom together?” I thought on that for a moment. That was a good idea. Maybe even a sexy idea…no that wasn’t sexy! Two men locked in a bathroom together to start making out was not sexy! “You dumbass! That wasn’t an idea!” Minki nearly shouted, smacking my arm. So damn violent that boy!

“Why not? Maybe it’ll work?” I asked and sighed as I received nothing but a glare. “Minhyun is your friend right? And you want to see him happy right?” I asked. He hesitated for a moment before nodding his head slowly. “Okay then. Aron-hyung is my friend. He likes Minhyun. Getting them together will solve this problem with Minhyun suffering a broken heart or whatever and Aron-hyung’s longing to be with Minhyun. There’s no way it won’t fail.”

“I don’t believe that.” Minki said and walked away from me. Moving to the sink, he stood there, staring at his reflection. I had no idea what he could have been possibly thinking, but he seemed so lost, so unsure. It was cute.

Walking over to him, I slipped my arms around his shoulders, holding him against my chest. “Minki.” I whispered, staring at him through the mirror. “Have I steered you wrong yet?” I asked. I felt him tense at the question before he slowly relaxed. I hadn’t. I had been there for the other, encouraging him, caring for him. We were just as close friends as he was with Minhyun, maybe even closer, I’d like to think. “Trust me?”

He leaned back further against me and I rested my head on top of his. This was such a wonderful position. His warmth was so welcoming. There had always been something about Minki that was almost irresistible. That wasn’t gay, to think that about my friend, to hold him like this, was it? It couldn’t be. Doing gay things…it would just be wrong, it would feel wrong. And this didn’t feel wrong, so it must be alright.

“I trust you.” He said finally, his dark eyes locking with my brown ones. “But if this backfires, you’re the one taking the blame for it alright?”

“It’s not going to backfire.” I said.

“Alright?” he asked again. “You’re the one to blame.” He said. Sighing, I nodded, agreeing to his terms. Sometimes the only time you could get him to do anything was to agree to his terms. But I still loved Minki to death. Especially when he decided he wanted to be funny and make us laugh.

“Thank you.”

~*~*~

I should have just dropped the conversation the moment those words about meddling left his lips. He had been right; this was so wrong and stupid!  I felt him push me a bit and I glared at him as he looked around the door, spying on the two who were left alone. Well they weren’t left alone; they just thought the rest of us had already left the studio.

They were talking quietly, but there was still so much distance between them. They looked so awkward together.

“This isn’t working.” Minki whispered and finally moved back, arms crossed. “You can’t force two people to be together when they haven’t even spent that much time together as friends.” He said.

Damn it, he’s right again. I stepped back and crossed my arms over my chest, staring at the wall. “Yeah, so?”

“So?”  I hissed as he smacked my head. Rubbing the spot and moved and punched his arm, smirking with satisfaction as he rubbed it in pain. “Don’t hit me!” he whined.

“You hit me first!”

“Because you deserved it with your oh so brilliant plan!”

“Look! I was just trying to help!” I shouted. It wasn’t like me to get mad, but damn it, I was getting tired of Minki acting like he was holier than me. Ever since his image changed to Ren, he had changed a lot. I missed my old Minki. Now I regret even giving him encouragement. “I was just trying to help our friends. Instead of pointing out all my damn flaws, you could be a little bit more encouraging! Is it so much to ask for you to just agree and help me no matter how stupid it is? Damn it! How many times have I followed you endlessly and given you encouragement? Is it too much to ask for you to return the damn favor?” I growled. I regretted those words the moment they left my mouth. Seeing his crestfallen face, I wanted to kick myself. I felt like such an ass.

“Minki.” I whispered, moving to him. He took a step back and turned away from me.

“Don’t.”

“Minki please.” I whispered again. Moving again, I reached out, grabbing his arm before he could run off. Pulling him back, I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close. “I’m such a bad hyung; I didn’t mean to yell at you.” I said. “I’m just…frustrated.”

He didn’t say anything for a while and I thought I was being given the silent treatment now. I know I fucked up, and I hurt his feelings. Minki wasn’t as sensitive as everyone made him out to be because he looked like a girl. But he was human; his feelings could be as easily hurt as the next person.

“I know.” He finally said. “I’m sorry hyung.” He apologized. “You’re right. I haven’t been very encouraging have I?” he asked, looking back at me over his shoulder.

“No not really.” I said and laughed softly. “I’m sorry for yelling.” I said again.

“I’m sorry for being an-“

“Ass?”  He elbowed me and I grunted, but didn’t loosen my hold.

“Yeah.” He said and sighed, laughing gently. “I just don’t want to force Minhyun into something where he’ll be hurt again. I know JR-hyung didn’t mean to hurt him, but he did and I just want to make things right so he’ll be his old self again.”

I nodded. It’s been a few weeks since that interview and it’s been crazy, especially at home. The tension in the air when Minhyun and JR were around each other, it was so thick. And the bad thing is that JR could feel it, but had no clue why it was there. He kept asking me if he had done something to piss Minhyun off. How could I tell him he broke the other’s heart when he hadn’t even known Minhyun liked him to begin with?

“I know. And I guess I wasn’t thinking about that. I was just thinking about putting Aron-hyung with him. I guess it wouldn’t work if they can’t be close friends like us huh?” I asked.

“Duh.”

I rolled my eyes. He was such a smart ass. “So playing matchmaker, not my thing?” I asked.

“Nope.” He said and laughed. “So let’s not do this again okay?” he asked as he stared at me.

“Fine. But I still think locking them in the bathroom would have been better.” I said. I felt him start to struggle and I fought to keep my grip, but somehow the little blond managed to not only get an arm free, but to turn in my grasp to face me. He smacked my head again and I groaned. Reaching up, I rubbed my head and whined. “So mean Minki!”

He laughed and his laughter was so light that I couldn’t help myself, I laughed too. His arms slipped around me and I returned the hug, holding him close.

“Wow. If you wanted some privacy, you should have gone back to the dorm.”

Pulling back, we turned and stared at Minhyun and Aron. They stood in the doorway, wearing equally amused faces.

“Hyung, I didn’t know you were gay.” Minhyun said and smiled at me.

“Eh?” I looked back at Minki and stared down at him, at our arms still wrapped around each other. This…was gay? I pulled away as he did. Minki was bright red and I could feel my own face on fire. “I’m not!” I said.

“Really? You two looked really close there for a minute.” Aron said and grinned. “Thought you might start making out.”

“Yah! I’m not gay!” I said.

“Sure right.” Minhyun said and smirked before moving to Minki. “Can we leave now?” he asked.

“Uh…yeah.” Minki said, voice soft, but laced heavily with embarrassment.

Minhyun laughed and ruffled his head as he walked with him. I looked back at Aron and the other gave me this strange look before following them. I didn’t know what that look meant, but I didn’t like it nonetheless. Huffing, I followed the lot of them, shaking my head. I wasn’t gay, that I knew. And I was going to get Aron back for even saying that to me.  As we walked out of the studio, Aron turned suddenly.

“Where’s our fearless leader?” he asked.

Minki and I stopped in our tracks.

“Shit!”