#why is the thought of anything remotely romantic happening to me so viscerally repugnant
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every once in a while i have to sit down and ponder the issues i swear i don’t have in silence for a bit
#p#i saw a video of this guy surprising his girlfriend while filming a video tgt proposing to her in her native language#and i thought omg thats so cute …. if that happened to me i think id kill myself on the spot but i’m so happy for them!#why is the thought of anything remotely romantic happening to me so viscerally repugnant#actually not just romantic thats just the worst kind but like. any thoughtful sweet or considerate gesture towards me i’m like#One of us needs to die immediately to be rid of this curse.#all the inner work out the window no nuance just violence#it doesn’t go both ways btw. i can do nice things but if they happen to me i need to eat glass immediately. you know the normal response#its so bad my friends keep saying i just need to date a straight man that way i’ll never have this problem JELWNSOWNSN#but then the problem is the straight man in question that will make me violent for other reasons#bag on a stick I’ll go die. i’ll go to work
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