#but then the other part is just like fighting back the toxicity demons lmao bc i love kazu with my entire heart

[akkivee]

had an epiphany the other day that in track 5, ichiro’s past came to haunt him and caused harm to his beloved older figure who looked out for him and ichiro was on a war path for revenge

which is exactly what kuukou went thru in fools gold and idk how to feel about it tbh lmao

[bellamygateoldblog]

i will never be over the way this show has continuously tried to frame bellamy and clarke as heroes and good people, or the way the fandom has almost completely embraced and supported that narrative

the amount of times i’ve read “[clarke] saved everyone’s ungrateful asses” makes me seriously consider turning evil. like aren’t y’all bored? don’t you have a different sentence you would like to say for a change?

i want to talk about this but i probably don’t remember a lot of the details of this show so if im forgetting something or get something wrong i apologise, but i never have any desire to rewatch past s2.

clarke isn't even the hero of her own side, she took power of them using the military force of the grounders, someone else’s people, she’s forced them into alliances without their knowledge that weren’t in their best interest (while she literally had no idea what they were even going through because she’d abandoned them after upsetting their entire political structure, and this leader she’s bowing to is responsible for the slaughter of their children, has broken an alliance previously with them, has hung the threat of genocide over their heads, and who isn’t even wanted in power by her own people- dragging skaikru into that conflict, too), she’s sacrificed them and what’s best for them in order to cater to/concentrate on the grounders newest demands or pursue her own personal mission, she’s lied to and patronised them, she’s abandoned them and surrendered them to die while they were under her protection and responsibility, and in Book 2 (and these aren’t her people but in canon she’s their leader anyway apparently despite trying to blow them all up a few days before...) she’s abandoned them again, and is speaking for them without consent or any connection to what’s happening with them again,.........her inner circle/her ‘friends’ have to be extremely careful to remain important to her or on her team or they’ll be sacrificed, harmed or become acceptable losses to whatever her newest goal is too (but hey at least she says she cares about them) all while acting very ‘woe is me’ about the whole crushing weight of responsibility she shouldn’t have.

but she’s the hero, she’s beloved, she’s special, she has relationships that were never built, she and only she saved everyone again and has all the lines telling us so no matter how dishonest those statements are.

like this is where i personally see what you said in your ask most: when it concerns clarke.

bellamy on the other hand...i don’t place him at all on the same level as clarke when it comes to this. clarke has privilege that bellamy just never had as a character. and i think that does probably play into why i like him.

him being a hero to the delinquents/the 48 is completely believable to me. he was the original leader, he got them through a tough time, he chose to put himself on the line for them, and he’s the one who stayed. i also think it’s reasonable that fandom might romanticise him this way because he is one who has been shown to value the one life as well as the many of his people, a guy doing his best and making big mistakes along the way, a mixed complex bag of good and bad, i find him very likable and i love the toxic/pained/vulnerable ones lol but more than anything i find him to be one of the more interesting/entertaining characters on the show (Book 1).

we also see him torment himself with his own mistakes instead of just having other people do it for him/remind him like we see happen with clarke- and we all know fandom loves equating that with a “redemption arc” and as much as i personally dislike seeing pity parties i do like self-awareness and responsibility in characters that goes beyond a 3-second-long puppy dog look or straight dismissal of someone else’s pain, and for the most part bellamy’s expressions of this don’t come across as demanding sympathy from others but from genuine self-loathing and an honesty to himself, internalising the effects of his actions/childhood.

i know i personally prefer The Flawed Protector over The Tortured Saviour nobody asked for (same white male hypocritical moral hero in a woman’s body).

i don’t believe in assigning “hero” to any of them though like that’s the whole entire point of the show lol “there are no good guys.” and i also think a major chunk of fandom/shippers have warped bellamy’s character so much that it isn’t even him anymore, so this man they’re celebrating as a hero/good person isn’t even bellamy sometimes.

all of the genuinely “good” and kind people are dead.

i don't think i'd say bellamy was ever framed as a hero. like he was just never important enough to be, he’s just not put into those positions (despite being the male lead), clarke is. as the protagonist ig. bellamy...he’s the protector/knight of the heroes, but not the actual hero himself (applies to octavia too i think, where she acts and he reacts).

like take mount weather, clarke becomes empowered by her “wanheda” status, bellamy’s (and monty’s) part in that is lost...clarke is “bearing it so they don’t have to” (rme) which simultaneously strips the other boys from claiming the ‘victory’ of saving the 48 while still leaving them with the guilt, like it suits how i see clarke perfectly that she’s the only one to refer to the genocide (and shutting down the CoL, i realised) as “i” while monty and bellamy say “we” and it was clarke’s actions that got them to that point in the first place, but this is one of those times she’s clearly The Protagonist. if that makes sense lol.

bellamy is on the opposite side to clarke in s3 and s7 and he needs to be moved to her side in order to be on the ‘right’ one. now i don’t agree with that one bit mind you (when it comes to s3, idc about s7 lol) and i didnt see it that way but imo that’s how the show wrote it, to the point he was either demonized endlessly by fandom or woobified in a way that denied him his own agency. during s5 i don’t i think anyone was framed in a good light. i can see this applying in s6, though- where he was his absolute worst self yet, betraying his own development, failing at every point to “do better” despite claiming it, but still was given that reasurring line that they did better and saved people and was in that “heroic” position i guess? but is that because he was back to being clarke’s “good little knight” tho? (but do we claim s6??? do we really??? do we claim it ladies???)

s6 was 100% dedicated to making clarke look good/like a 'good' or sympathetic person. the bodysnatching plot (and the s6 sheidheda plot because if it was supposed to be about bellamy and address his s5 actions he would’ve been present to experience/observe those consiquences himself but he wasn’t lmaoooo. instead it was to tell the audience ‘actually clarke was right last season and here’s another reason to feel bad for her and how those ungrateful bitches were treating her’) has no other purpose for existing. clarke's character has consistently been elevated at the expense of everyone else's. but im not sure the writing did a very good job convincing me she was a good person if it was trying to do that LMAO like my interpretation of her is so fitted to canon, and no amount of throwaway lines telling me how good she is did anything to change what i saw yk? and in s6, combined with being patronised by the writers, i found her to be at some of her most obnoxious.

i don’t agree with placing bellamy and clarke in the same boat tbh. like they just come from completely different places and come across differently, especially in the way they interact with other characters.

in my experience this fandom (on tumblr) is extremely skewed in favour of clarke, like ive never seen a fandom so obsessed with their protagonist. there’s A LOT of clarke stans who stan her for being one of those “deserves better :(” characters, selfless and heroic, and support that view that she’s the superior character, entitled to other character’s devotion, love and validation yet doesn’t have to reciprocate any of it. the CL/BC ship war was just a bunch of people fighting over clarke, who deserves her more, which character is more toxic to her, which other character would 100% be her bff supportive of that relationship, treating her as a passive whose actions don’t take affect. im not sure how much i blame the writing for that because if so many of us are capable of recieving her character in this way then...why aren’t so many other people? how is there such a massive disconnect between the ways we see her?

and imo a lot of the bellamy love in this fandom comes from shipping him with clarke too rather than being because of who he actually is.

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 8 thoughts

i was gonna watch later, since i’ve got other things to do, but i burnt the shit out of my hands making hot chocolate like an idiot so i watched an episode first LOL. 

this episode starts out with that really strong fairy tale scenery i absolutely adore, with yusaku and ai trying their hardest to get blue angel to wake up.

i seriously could talk about the imagery in this scene for days lmao. i love the sleeping beauty aesthetic, but i also really love the colors. LV goes through so many different color palettes through the series, but i love the purples and blues of this area here. i’m not sure if the intention was to make blue angel seem like she was meant to be there, while in contrast playmaker stands out due to his hair, but i seriously replayed this section twice because it looked so nice. 

i have a lot to say about this episode, and it will also be my most screenshot heavy post so far lol, so once again, buckle up! 

this episode starts to really build up yusaku as a character - his sense of justice, his core values, etc etc. on top of that, it takes its time to flesh out akira, and to show his worse qualities, which we’ll get into in a minute.

first, though, is one of my favorite awkward exchanges in the series lmao:

i’m surprised he even caught onto what akira was getting at, tbh with y’all. vrains started out ship teasing yusaku/aoi really hard these episodes, but drop it almost completely up until the minimal tease we get in s3, which i find really funny. i was always really invested in them becoming friends, though, so while i’m happy we had that happen in s3, i would’ve really liked to see it happen earlier. not this early, though - yusaku’s nowhere near ready for that.

I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN VYRA WAS HERE. yugioh hair makes it known that she’s going to be an important character, but i had really completely forgotten she was working as one of aoi’s doctors during this part lmao. i love this so much, actually.

moving onto everyone talking shit about blue angel on forums and stuff. this kinda shit:

would be really awful to deal with. it’s very real, though - cancel culture, anyone? but seriously, this is so brutal. on top of that, does this imply that she’s never really lost before? she is the number 2 charisma duelist in LV, so i wouldn’t be terribly surprised if that meant that she hadn’t really lost since starting to make it big as an idol. once again showing off how good of a duelist aoi actually is, even if the show makes her lose a lot. tbf, her loss/win ratio isn’t that bad looking at the other main girls - 5 wins, 5 losses on screen, and considering the kind of opponents she faced (soulburner, bohman, ai), that’s seriously not bad.

next up we get the chess pieces again, and boy howdy, does this conversation make me seethe.

i understand it’s partially a cultural difference thing, but i can’t help but get angry about it LOL. 

i didn’t remember how often the chess pieces were actually utilized in these first few episodes, either. i guess i can understand why people were irritated they were just dropped, but i don’t really see them as a plot point, more like... just a kind of weird way to run a company? just show your faces and have normal meetings like everyone else, y’all don’t have to be so extra.

the akira/emma meeting is nice because it shows you more of emma’s character, but it also gives you more of akira’s stupider (and ruthless) side.

you don’t see him like this very often, but honestly, when you think about all the unsavory jobs he was doing to keep him and aoi afloat way back when, it kind of makes sense. even if he was originally a gentle person, you don’t last doing... any of the jobs he’s done, being that way. even a higher up in a company like SOL tech would have to be a bit harsher to get to that point imo. i don’t see a lot of people talk about this side of akira’s character tbh which makes me kind of sad.

also, seriously, he’s an idiot. how did he arrive at this conclusion? when he saw that it was aoi who was baiting him into the duel? no matter what direction i approach this from, i can’t understand how he ended up on that conclusion lol.

also, the worst father ever award goes to....

seriously! i hate that man so much lmao. to say that directly to your own child, on top of everything else...

it’s a nice look into revolver, too, though you wouldn’t know it at first glance. his reply says everything, though. he fully accepts his role in his father’s life and has an incredibly toxic attachment to him, and wants his approval more than anything. we never see him get physically abused by kogami or anything of the sort, but you can’t deny the mental anguish he must’ve been going through in order to keep on his father’s good side. 

i know a lot of people like to say that revolver is kind of not a great guy, seeing the tower of hanoi arc, and how he probably should’ve went to jail etc etc but really, he was manipulated hard core. and extremely suicidal. i could really talk a lot about this all day, but i’ll cut myself off and instead say how much i love how vrains sets up revolver as a character. this, combined with “i’ll fulfill your wishes, father” from episode 3 gives you his motivations nice and clearly, but this specific scene also gives a bit of a hint as to where his character arc goes and what he has to work through. just thinking about this makes me so excited to get to 116 again lmao.

anyways, though. another excellent exchange comes up. seriously, lmao, ai being like “waaaah that’s illegal !!!!” and kusanagi’s just very casual 

makes me laugh every time i see it. they are criminals, even if what they’re doing is for the greater good. they’re not exactly innocent here lmao.

then there’s the talk about the virus infecting her, and it’s a nice way to bring up how that works before the another arc comes up in.. a couple of episodes, right? tbh it’s the arc i remember the least about, so i’m looking forward to rewatching it.

actually though, the idea of viruses in LV being able to infect someone’s body is so, so interesting. i really, really wish they had done more with the whole LV/rl merge idea, but guess i’ll just have to write more fanfic instead lol.

i mentioned at the beginning of this post we get into yusaku as a character more here, and this is one of the lines that really made him interesting to me originally:

he has such a strong sense of justice, but what sets him apart from other ygo protags is that he is not defined by it. he’s not the classic, stereotypical do-gooder who gets caught up in something and has to make it right, his justice is more so that he is not okay with seeing other people hurt because of what happened to him. his justice is driven by his trauma, almost entirely.

revolver even brings it up this episode:

where he talks about how some rando wouldn’t have done them any good because it wouldn’t have been public enough. yusaku doesn’t really care about the little people, not in the same way, say, yugi would. it’s not that he wants them to be hurt or see them get hurt or anything, it’s just that unless it effects him directly, it’s not on his radar. but once he gets involved, he feels fully responsible.

while he didn’t plant the hanoi virus into her, he probably knows it was to intentionally draw him out thanks to ai (and the fact that he beats them up all the time). he feels fully responsible for what happened to her, and he’s prepared to do what is needed to make it right again.

i really like yusaku for this. i find those kinds of characters really interesting, and yusaku is no exception. 

we get the whole emma/blue angel/yusaku scene, which is pretty sick tbh looking at it again - just shoot a church straight up from the ground for dramatic effect! - and i’ll bring up more of akira’s ruthlessness here.

seriously, this is not a line from someone who is just angry about his sister. and it’s also him being fuckin DUMB. playmaker willingly lets himself get caught into your trap, and he tells akira straight up what he has to do to save his sister - no sugar coating it, no trying to make it cryptic or difficult despite being caught in that hand and in that trap. he’s incredibly honest, and akira still does this lmao.

then it’s probably the wildest turn of events in all of vrains:

where’s that post that’s like, “remember when playmaker gets caught in a gothic looking church while he’s getting tormented by a giant demon hand controlled by his classmate’s brother and then his rival who he hasn’t met yet shows up in a lightning bolt to save him”? bc really LMAO what the fuck. it was so hype watching it the first time, and it’s still awesome watching it back.

and why is this never really??? brought up again later???? and when he leaves in that datastorm to go prepare to fight playmaker LMAO i know it’s supposed to look cool but the animation is so dorky, i love it. 

more on yusaku, though. before playmaker goes to fight revolver, who he’s been gearing towards for awhile now, we get this exchange:

to which playmaker responds with “i don’t hate you. i only hate the knights of hanoi”. which is another really good moment for his early characterization and very, very consistent with his backstory that we find out in about 12 episodes.

everyone who wasn’t involved in the LI in any way just... exists to him. they’re completely neutral. if something happens to them because of him, he feels directly responsible, because he feels like he got them tangled up in a mess that nobody should be in. i mentioned that briefly earlier, but this really drives that point home.

he doesn’t even hate akira for torturing him mere minutes ago. because he’s been through worse. because akira was doing what he thought was right by his sister, no matter how stupid he was being.

and even more so than that, he’s not seeing this as fighting for akira. he feels responsible for blue angel, but also, here’s his chance to fight revolver. it’s a two birds one stone situation here for him. 

anyways, i’m gonna stop myself there lol this is really long OOPS. gotta take care of a few things, and then onto the first rev vs playmaker duel!

[mischievousmarvelousmagical-blog]

oh, tall is the tale of the mischievous one / who fished out all the islands and captured the sun / his deeds and tasks i will unmask / so that you'll understand / that before there was a clark kent / there was a hawaiian superman

Archetype — The Hero Birthday — February 14, 1997 Zodiac Sign — Aquarius MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — Type 2: The Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Hufflelin Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Pride Primary Virtue — Patience Element — Water

[tw brief mention of abuse]

Overview:

Mother — Kai Akalana (nee Hale) Father — Lani Akalana Mother’s Occupation — Waitress/singer-entertainer Father’s Occupation — Fisherman Family Finances — Poor Birth Order — Youngest Brothers —  Malo (28) the Serious One, Mana (26) the Sporty One, Moke (24) the Smart One, Mele (22) the Soft One Sisters — sisters-in-law Other Close Family — Alani (27, sister-in-law, Malo’s wife), Gabrielle (10, niece, Malo and Alani’s daughter), Sailor (7, nephew, Malo and Alani’s son); Hayley (25, sister-in-law, Mana’s wife), Jasper (4, nephew, Mana and Hayley’s son); Odelia (23, sister-in-law, Moke’s wife); Fawn (2, niece, Moke and Odelia’s daughter). Best Friend — Celia Gorgon Other Friends — Lymantria Khan, Periwinkle Frostbrittle, Annette Grant why are all of these women? Dipper Pines and Kovu Sauda his roomiesss -- also a lot of OCs tbh Enemies — uhh bad guys Pets — None D: but he totally wants one Home Life During Childhood — Hard and busy; Maui usually got up at the crack of dawn to go out on the fishing boat for a few hours before school. His father was a very stern man and he and his father had a lot of conflict. His mother is a delicate lil lady and his father was often mean to her and Maui hated it. Also all his brothers picked on him for being scrawny. Town or City Name(s) — Hana, Maui; Hawa’ii What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — He shared with Mele, it was always messy. Painted blue but very sparse because they couldn’t afford lots. They had bunkbeds. Maui had the top. Rotated sleeping on the couch tho bc there were only four beds. Any Sports or Clubs — He reallyyyy wanted to be on the soccer team, but he was too busy with fishing and helping out at the restaurant and his father wouldn’t let him. Favorite Toy or Game — He like to play pranks on people. (I’m terrible at coming up w pranks so pretend I listed a few good ones). Schooling — His father didn’t hold school in very high regard so Maui dropped out when he was sixteen to work on the fishing boats. Favorite Subject — uhhh none of them tbh Popular or Loner — Kind of in the middle. Everyone knew who he was and he could flit from friend group to friend group but he never had any close friends Important Experiences or Events — Becoming Maui, when his father told him that he had to quit school in order to help out, one time his dad hit his mom that was p traumatizing Nationality — Hawaiian (American, he guesses.) Culture — Polynesian Religion and beliefs — pretty agnostic, but likes the old legends

Physical Appearance

Face Claim —  Bob Morley Complexion — He still gets the stray pimple every now and then but all that salt water was A+ for his skin. He’s got lotsa freckles on his nose and cheeks. Nice tanned skin. Hair Colour — Black Eye Colour — Brown Height — 5’10 Build — broad shoulders, def more upper body strength than lower but all around rather fit, on the shorter side but holds himself well Tattoos — MAUI written on the inside of his right forearm. One that completely covers his shoulder with an intricate combination of music notes, fish hooks, shark’s teeth, and enata (or people). He also had artistic representation of waves and wind as a band around his left ankle. He also has a little cat that moves around his body, but generally likes to curl up in the crook of one of his collar bones. Piercings — none Common Hairstyle — Floppy and messy. Maui never brushes his hair so it’s just a tangled curly mess and tbh Celia probably has to trim it so it stays outta his eyes otherwise he never would. Clothing Style — jeans + t-shirt + sneakers bam Mannerisms — talks with his hands a lot, is literally always smiling, gets fidgety when he’s thinking a lot or is nervous Usual Expression —

Health

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — he’s pretty healthy, tho he gets colds in the winter bc he’s not used to the cold Physical Ailments — fit as a fiddle Neurological Conditions — tbh maui is probably one of my most mentally healthy (don’t mean he’s right in the head tho hehe) Allergies —  none! Grooming Habits — he’s a typical boy. He showers...sometimes. Like every other day, maybe every day ehhh. Does laundry when Absolutely Necessary. Sleeping Habits — sleeps like a goddamn rock. Goes to bed late, wakes up early, but he can go back to sleep sometimes and then he’ll like sleep all day Eating Habits — will eat anything and everything in sight. I don’t think there is a food he doesn’t like Exercise Habits —  Maui swims--a lot. If it is cold he goes to the pool at the gym. He also jogs, lifts weights, tries to stay generally fit, but he’s also pretty naturally fit. Emotional Stability — honestly?? Maui is so stable?? Emotionally? He has a lot of growing to do, but he doesn’t fight it really, and though he isn’t always true to the emotions he’s feeling, he can recognize them. He’s got a lot of toxic masculinity but that is really the only thing super holding him back. Oh, and his narcissism probably (which is kinda fake anyway) Body Temperature — He runs pretty warm but when it is cold outside, so is he. Sociability — Maui is really extroverted, and he can also adapt to almost any situation. His ultimate goal is for people to like him, which means he always does his best to get people to like him. Addictions — none tbh Drug Use — he actually doesn’t do drugs (used to smoke pot on the rare occasion but lowkey he was too afraid of if his dad found out.) He will smoke a lil weed on a v rare occasion. Alcohol Use — He drinks at parties and he can get pretty drunk, but he rarely drinks otherwise and is pretty responsible tbh

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — the fact he’s narcissistic. Also he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Can sometimes not think before he speaks and tease people who shouldn’t be teased and then hurt their feelings. He can be a bit brash, but endearingly so, for the most part. Good Habits — tries to take care of people, takes good care of his body. Best Characteristic — his friendliness! Worst Characteristic — his #fakeness Worst Memory — honestly?? Winning the maui competition, he carries a lot of guilt. Best Memory — ...winning the maui competition. Look it is complicated. Proud of — being Maui Embarrassed by — the fact he literally is the worst Maui ever Driving Style — actually Maui is a really good driver, if not a bit of a speed demon. Strong Points — the fact he is able to manipulate himself to suit people’s needs Temperament — the chillest. It is really hard to rile him up and make him mad. Almost too chill Attitude — friendly! Weakness — his secrets and crippling self doubt lol Fears — that people will know he’s fake and he can’t help them Phobias — doesn’t have any Secrets — that he cheated to win the Maui competition Regrets — cheating to win the Maui competition lol Feels Vulnerable When — he actually emotionally connects w someone lol Pet Peeves — people who aren’t willing to help themselves/people that give up Conflicts — wanting to be the Best Maui Ever while also knowing he cheated and is the Worst Maui Ever Motivation — to live up to the name of Maui; for people to like him Short Term Goals and Hopes — to help people! Long Term Goals and Hopes — to be the Best Maui Ever Sexuality — why is this here??? He is straight lmao Day or Night Person — day tbh Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — uhhhh an optimistic pessimist? idk

Likes and Styles:

Music — he likes lots of stuff, kind of alt rock--but also lots of hawaiian music. Some oldies. Everyone likes the beach boys. Also loves stuff he can dance to! Books — maui lowkey does not have great reading comprehension so he doesn’t read for fun really Magazines — ones that he’s in Foods — all foods but he lovesss fresh fruit Drinks — anything really tbh but he’s gotten real turned onto hot chocolate in the winter Animals — anything aquatic really but his fave is probably iguanas. Sports — all sports! Soccer is his fave tho Social Issues — maui is...learning. I would love for him to like become a feminist but he’s a long way away. Though he is p aware of like--POC issues, since he comes from a marginalized community that is like used for their culture to up tourism and is considered ~~exotic Favorite Saying — “A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what it was built for.” Color — Blue! Clothing — typical boy, normally just a t-shirt/jeans Jewelry — none really tho he has some wooden bracelets he wears Games — maui doesn’t game a lot Websites — or surf the web unless it is to google himself lmao TV Shows — eh, he doesn’t watch tv a whole lot Movies — again, doesn’t watch a lot but prolly likes action films Greatest Want — to be needed; to help people Greatest Need — to realize he’s fine just the way he is /pets

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Room 421 on PrideU’s campus. Roommate: Dipper Pines. Flatmates: Kovu Sauda and Declan Craig. Household furnishings — typical dorm stuff Favorite Possession — his hook! Most Cherished Possession — also his hook lol Neighborhood — lives on campus Town or City Name — Swynlake Details of Town or City — small town; magick-friendly etc Married Before — nope Significant Other Before — has never rly dated Children — lol no Relationship with Family — despite the fact his brothers and him fight all the time, he really loves his brothers and is pretty close to them. Is definitely a mama’s boy as the baby of the family. Has a tense relationship with his dad. He also loves his nieces and nephews. SO. MUCH. Car — he had a jeep back home that he shared with Mele and his mom. He misses his car Career — ...a demigod? Dream Career — a demigod. Dream Life — being the Best Maui Ever Love Life — has lots of hook ups, he is satisfied with this Talents or Skills — is a great swimmer Intelligence Level — he’s actually really smart despite not being book savvy Finances — he’s got a stipend for being Maui, but he still has to be careful in order to make ends meet. His family is very poor, but is now being taken care of

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — worked on fishing boats/sometimes as a busboy at the restaurant his mom works at Past Lovers — a couple girls, but not that many, no serious relationships Biggest Mistakes — cheating and being a general shit Biggest Achievements — becoming Maui!

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 4x22: “Lucifer Rising”

Beginning like we always do, with “Carry On Wayward Son”.

St. Mary’s Convent. Ilchester, Maryland. 1972.

So this is Azazel...

I feel so bad for these nuns who have no idea what’s going on, and they are terrified.

RIP nuns. That is so awful.

Hello, Sam.

Now Sam can see Dean’s side.

G o d, this breaks my heart.

It’s so sad that even if there were an “after” (which there wouldn’t have been if everything went 100% according to plan) Sam still would have distanced himself from Dean, because he thought he’d never be forgiven and it would’ve been the “best” for Dean. (He could not be any more wrong.)

Sam and Dean appearing on screen the same way.

Hello, Dean.

“I’m not calling him.”

“Don’t make me get my gun, boy.”

I love Bobby.

I believe Bobby’s gonna go on his outburst soon.

:(

Dean losing the will to save Sam.

Let the outburst begin:

“You sound like a whiny brat. No, you sound like your dad. Well, let me tell you something. Your dad was a coward.”

“My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward?”

“He’d rather push Sam away than reach out to him. Well, that don’t strike me as brave. You are a better man than your daddy ever was. So you do us both a favor. Don’t be him.”

IIIII FUCKING LOOOOVVVEEE BOBBY SINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here we go. Dean’s in the Green Room

Hello, Cas!

(Who looks like he doesn’t want to be there...)

HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THIS NURSE taking the baby to somewhere besides where it was supposed to be???

Dean’s favorite food and beer.

“The suite life of Zach and Cas.” lmao, Dean.

(Those paintings are beautiful.)

“We want you...focused, relaxed.”

“Well, I’m about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking Chuckles.” (That’s a great line! How come i never noticed that before?)

Cas is just internally screaming at this point. Hell, he’s been internally screaming non-stop since “the Rapture”.

Sammy, our new hot shot interrogator.

I am still so UPSET that Sam never got to hear the REAL voicemail. Fucking Zachariah was behind it, I’m sure. (After episode thought: apparently, Eric Kripke refused to reveal if it was Zachariah OR RUBY WHO MANIPULATED THE VOICEMAIL??? Holy shit, that would explain the smirk she gives when Sam finally listens to it, r i g h t before they enter the Convent. It did seem like convenient timing...)

“Hey, it’s me. Uh...Look, I’ll get right to it. I’m still pissed...and I owe you a serious beatdown, but I shouldn’t have said what I said. You know, I’m not Dad. We’re brothers. You know, we’re family. And uh, no matter how bad it gets, that doesn’t change. Sammy, I’m sorry.” 

(Should’ve done that earlierrrrr.)

The one thing I got in common with Lilith’s head chef is that we both think Ruby’s a bitch.

“Can’t trust anyone these days.” Especially yoouuuuu.

Well damn. That is such a dirty card to play.

Poor Sam. I bet nothing scared him more/allowed him to see how extremely fucked up the whole situation was than that moment.

Back to 1972.

Lucifer possessing a nun. Nothing creeps me out more.

The very origin of...everything.

Nice “surprised” reaction, Ruby.

My stomach is in an actual knots knowing that they drained an innocent woman of her blood just because Sam needed all of it to defeat Lilith.

(Also, why couldn’t Sam just overrule Ruby and kill the demon anyway, forcing her to find another one? God, Sam, you’re in it so deep.)

Dean, you child.

The fucking intensity between Dean and Cas...

It’s kinda...striking how Ruby seemed to almost slip into the role of Dean sometimes, with the ill-timed jokes she’s been making. And Sam’s responses to her remind me of how it used to be between them in S3 when he flat out hated her and resented needing her help, as opposed to when he began to trust her and earnestly defended her against everyone. He snaps at her, and is done with her. Hell, what did Sam even plan to do with Ruby once they “stopped” Lilith?

“I’m starting to think...maybe Dean was right.” HE IISSSS SAM. 

(And Ruby is internally screaming at the fact that she’s ALMOST THERE and the one person she needs to accomplish this has one foot out the door.)

I can’t wait for Dean to kill Zachariah.

Half the truth tumbles out. They’re going to allow Lilith to break the final seal.

That shot of Zachariah is so freaking cool.

G O D I love how the lighting changes as the (half) truth comes out. From the beautiful, glowing light to “fluorescent lighting in your old high school that makes you look like you aged 20 years.” It’s ugly, just like the (half) truth being revealed.

Even the paintings change!

(So at this point, was the Apocalypse AU about to go to shit?)

“Sam...has a part to play. A very important part. He may need a little nudging in the right direction, but I’ll make sure he plays it.” FUCK YOU, YOU BALDING BITCH.

“pertinent details” my ASS.

“You’re going to stop Lucifer.” One of the few times Zachariah is right, whether I like it or not.

“One day we’ll look back on this and laugh.” ...I guess now we can.

“God? God has left the building.” There’s such an emptiness in Zachariah's eyes when he says that. 

Completely irrelevant, but Lilith’s dress is really pretty.

This is one of my all time favorite Dean/Cas scenes, and one of the most important scenes in the entire series, you can fight me about it.

“He’s gonna do it to himself.” Cas is unfortunately correct

“We’ve been through much together, you and I, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry it ended like this.”

lmao, RIP Dean’s hand.

“What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace. Even with Sam.” god Cassss.

The way Dean gets Cas to look at him. Fuck me up.

(x)

OOOHHH THAT GRAB.

Cas fighting his internal battle.

“If there is anything worth dying for...this is it.”

DEAN PLS, HE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO END UP THE NEXT LUCIFER BC HE’S BEEN TOLD ALL HIS LIFE THAT THINKING INDEPENDENTLY IS BAD AND LEADS TO FALLING WHICH IS THE WORST THING AN ANGEL CAN DO 

P L E A S E.

OH GOD NOOOO, NOT THE MANIPULATED VOICE MAIL.

“Listen to me, you blood sucking freak. Dad always said I’d either have to save you or kill you. Well, I��m giving you fair warning. I’m done trying to save you. You’re a monster Sam, a vampire. You’re not you anymore. And there’s no going back.”

So Ruby heard that?? Because she’s smirking like she did, and she’s damn pleased with that final little strand finally being cut.

RIP Cindy the nurse.

OOHHH MY OTHER FAVORITE DEAN/CAS SCENE IN THE EPISODE/OF THE SERIES.

Dean almost committed a Persephone move there.

Oh shit wait, CAS had the knife??? I thought Dean would’ve picked it up after the fight with Sam...unless he did, and when the angels took him to the Green Room, they took the knife from him...but why not take the phone? Fuck, I’m overthinking.

THAT SILENT CONVERSATION THOOOOOO. 

THAT SLIGHT TOUCH WHEN CAS GIVES DEAN THE KNIFE BAACCCKK

“Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins.” THE FULL TRUTH COMES OUT, THANK YOU CAS.

Hello, Chuck.

“This isn’t supposed to happen.” DEAN AND CAS TEARING UP THE SCRIPT PART 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, BITCHES

RIP those demons.

THEM HEART EYES.

(x)

Lmao, I love how Chuck is more annoyed at the archangels coming than scared.

“It’s the Archangel! I’ll hold him off, I’ll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!” Cas’ final words. #1

I don’t care what canon says, Cas is Chuck’s favorite angel.

Cas couldn’t have zapped Dean directly in the room???

Dean HAD TO STOP to give Ruby the stink eye?????

I know what’s about to happen, and I’m still hoping that it’s not going to happen like it’s my first time watching.

Sam goes to scary af killer to lost, confused little boy once he hears Dean.

“You turned yourself into a freak. A monster. And now you’re not gonna bite? I’m sorry, but that is honestly adorable.” Lilith’s last words. Making sure Sam broke the final seal.

Sam let’s his emotions get the best of him, an unfortunate conclusion.

RIP Lilith.

“And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal.”

G O D that moment when Sam realizes what he just did. It’s so despairing.

“You don’t even know how hard this was! All those demons our for my head. No one knew. I was the best of those sons of bitches! The most loyal! Not even Alastair knew! Only Lilith! Yeah, I’m sure you’re a little angry right now, but I mean, come on, Sam! Even you have to admit, I’m- I’m awesome!”

I fucking hate Ruby with all that I have...but she is one of the best antagonists this show ever had. She kept quiet about her plans the entire time and waited until they were complete to brag about it in one of the best villain speeches I’ve ever heard. She is awesome, in her own twisted fucked up way, and for that...I kinda love her.

Well damn it, Sam.

AND SHE’S STILL CALLING HIM SAMMY.

Ruby earnestly fell in love with Sam. Like, I’m sure she was already planning their future together, where Sam is possessed by Lucifer and she got to be his right hand...woman. Demon. But she like, LOVED him in a disgusting toxic way, stroking his face and assuring him that he was gonna be ok. I think she was seconds away from telling him that they’d be “happy together.”

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, at least when Cas was lying to Dean about how everything was going to be okay, even if the Apocalypse was going to be allowed, he told Dean that it’d be him and Sam. Ruby completely cuts off Dean from her little “it’s going to be alright” speech.

Dean finally breaks in. 

“You’re too late.” Ruby’s final words.

She is completely  feeling herself in this moment, confidently strolling up to Dean like that. Was she going to kill him? Did she not see her own knife in his hands?

I love everything about how Ruby dies: the fact that Sam, who is desperate to do at least one thing right, grabs her to make sure she doesn’t escape. The look of confusion on Ruby’s face, because she genuinely can’t believe that Sam is doing this to her, after everything they’ve done together. And while she’s trying to get a hold on the situation, Dean not only stabs her WITH HER OWN KNIFE but also TWISTS IT. I believe there is a moment where Ruby seems to realize that she is dying and Dean Winchester is the one who kills her, while her “lover” is holding her down, and she’s worked so hard to free Lucifer...and she won’t even be around to claim her prize. It’s so wonderful; I can’t really think of a way to make it better.

RIP Ruby. Ding dong, the bitch is dead.

Y’know, when I did my SPN Rewatch last year, I made note of all the time Cas and Ruby paralleled each other (because I considered them to be different sides to the same coin) and one parallel I’m noticing just now is that both of them achieved something they’ve been working hard at (Ruby: freeing Lucifer, Cas: telling Dean the truth/getting Dean to Sam) and they both died as soon as it was achieved.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sammy, let’s go.”

“Dean...he’s coming.”

SUCH A PHENOMENAL ENDING. I remember screaming “NOOOOO” at the laptop, then immediately hitting “Play next episode” when I first saw this. 

This is still one of the best season finales of the entire show. Top 3, for sure.

[fairyling]

What’d they do???

honestly what didn’t they do??? lmao i’ll put it under a read more but tw for self harm, suicide attempts, abuse, and mentions of sexual abuse

like ??? literally a year ago?? i started dating this person in college. they were nineteen and i was seventeen and i honestly believe it was a power imbalance but people told me i was crying wolf at that so !!! but it was an online relationship back when i was in the suggestions blog community and at first it went okay?? like we were both dumb infatuated kids and it was nice

but kol had a thing with being the victim in literally every situation so they went after this kid ( who admittedly was toxic ) that was, i believe, five years younger than them and attacked them and it was even more traumatic for said kid bc kol was the kid’s fp and the kid was going through a LOT and it was vvv messy and if anyone dared to be like hey settle down then kol called u abelist and an abuse apologist

so i supported kol bc i was a dumb kid that thought i was in love and i had severe abandonment issues ( still do but that’s besides the point ) and we were getting along for the post part. there were several topics we could not talk about without fighting which should have been a red flag but i digress. if i ever got upset about something they would tell me that it wasn’t actually me, just a symptom of one of my illnesses. ( they tried to say i was autistic bc they’re autistic ig??? i don’t rmbr the full context bc i was high but i do rmbr them saying i was autistic and using that to invalidate me ) and so i wasn’t allowed to have any opinions that didn’t match theirs so i lost a lot of my individuality and sense of self?? and i guess that’s partially why i’m so loud and vocal on here??? but that’s besides the point.

i lost a lot of my sense of self bc they tried to mold me into someone else. if i ever talked about my trauma they would tell me about how much worse they had it which was v invalidating to say the least. they would also talk about how it wasn’t fair that i was still cutting and having suicidal thoughts bc i wasn’t in immediate danger to my abusers and bc i had a good dad and they were in danger and their parents sucked to say the least which was, again, v invalidating. 

at one point i was feeling cute and i offered to send nudes and they declined bc they’re ace which i accepted. they then went on to tell me that they’re disgusted by my body which was hurtful and even explained that since they’re aro they aren’t in love with me and never will be. so i tried to leave. which resulted in them telling me i was being abelist bc i knew that people with bpd have abandonment issues and now i’m abandoning them??? how dare i. i stayed bc at that time i believed that to break up both people had to agree to it

i would talk about being affectionate with them and i was quite literally planning my future around them so that when i graduated i could use my savings to get an apartment near them to help them escape their abusive home. they liked this idea and fed into it a lot until they broke up with me. afterwards it was painted as me being controlling and forcing them to move to fast.

in april i took a bottle of tylenol and they saw me vaguing about suicide on my blog so they were asking me what i was doing and i was being vague and they called my dad and told him and he came home to find me. i was rushed to the hospital and i almost died bc i destroyed my liver. this was later painted as me live texting my suicide attempt.

i was inpatient for a week and i filled a notebook with letters to them bc idk?? i thought they loved me/cared about me.

when i got out i saw that they were telling everyone that i was abusive and grossly twisting situations. like one point earlier in our relationship we had a disagreement and they started being rude and i called them out for being nasty and they blocked me. i felt abandoned so i self harmed and i posted about it on my blog. bad move, i know. but it was twisted to me harassing them until they blocked me and guilting them into unblocking me. among other things. they also came at me hardcore for being an exclusionist which was kinda funny bc that wasn’t ever a secret to anyone.

any way about a week? after i was put in outpatient they broke up with me. at first i begged them to stay but then i accepted it and i went to my dad and i cried a lot. they still talked to me every day, though, while demonizing me on their main. it was almost funny?? bc they were telling me to fight back bc it would gain both of us followers and attention. i, idiotically, went along with it but i was also still really hurt and i was very sensitive bc it wasn’t even two weeks after my attempt and it was all very messy. i had a bad phone call with my mom so i bought more pills with the intentions of overdosing again. i sent them a message saying that i loved them and even if they didnt love me back, i wanted to say goodbye. they panicked and called my dad who went through my car and my backpack when i got home. i did not take any pills and i was admitted back to the inpatient unit that morning. 

while i was inpatient they called the cops on me for sexual harassment ( talking about kissing them and asking if i could send nudes ) as well as stalking them ( i don’t know how i stalked them considering i was in a psych ward but oh well, they’re not v familiar with logic or critical thinking ) and thus it became an issue with our parents, the police, as well as this unrelated blog that really just loved to hate me and was dedicated to spreading hate about me.

our mothers spoke in august i believe and i was put inpatient once again for an unrelated suicide attempt. after that i had to change blogs three or four times to avoid them and their attack dogs. i’ve been on this blog for a few months now and i thought i was safe so i took back one of my old urls and started going by my birth name again. i became more vocal and started posting original content again. then today i get some asks about them.