#but then sometimes people TEST me and it's like

[katsu28]

snowfall

pairing: lando norris x best friend!reader

summary: when plans with your family fall through at the last minute, lando invites you to come home with him for the holidays. (3.8k)

a/n: the big finale!!! lando is so best friends to lovers coded, i couldn’t resist. does it snow in the uk in december, probably not but it’s for the plot so bear with me pls <3 happy holidays everyone!!

“Yeah, of course. Yes, mum, I understand. No, I’ll be fine, I promise. Okay. Okay, I love you too. Cheers, see you when you get back.” 

You end the call with a heavy sigh, tossing your phone away from you on the sofa.

That was your mum on the phone, telling you that her and your father wouldn’t be home for Christmas this year. You’d planned on going home to celebrate with them like you always do, but for the first time ever in your life, it looked like you were going to be spending Christmas alone. 

It was bound to happen sometime in your life, really. You’re an adult now, still trying to find your place and your people in this world. 

Speaking of your people, Lando has just made his way into McLaren hospitality, head on a swivel until his eyes land on you. He takes notice of your downtrodden demeanor immediately, marches his way over to where you are with gusto and plops down next to you, bumping his shoulder against yours. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks bluntly, dark brows furrowed in concern. 

You inhale a deep breath, forcing a smile onto your face to respond. “Nothing. How was testing?” 

“Fine. Seriously, what’s going on? Why do you look so sad?” He demands, but not unkindly or rudely. Just simply how Lando is with you, direct and to the point. It’s one of many ways he is around those he cares for. 

“I was planning on going home to spend Christmas with my family, but my parents aren’t going to make it home in time,” You confess. Your finger picks at the loose thread of your sweater sleeve, a welcome distraction from the lump threatening to form in your throat. 

Lando frowns. “Oh. M’sorry to hear that. That sucks.” 

“Yeah. Looks like I’ll be spending the holidays on my own this year.”

“What? No, you can’t spend Christmas alone. That sounds so sad.” 

“I’ll be fine, Lando,” You chuckle, patting his knee. It does indeed sound sad, but you won’t have Lando all worried about you when he should be celebrating with his loved ones. He’s got a lot to celebrate this year, and you don’t want your situation to take away from any of it. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Come spend Christmas with me.” 

For a moment, you’re at a loss for words. Lando is one of your best friends, sure, but joining him for something like this seems too imposing of you. Despite being close with his family, you can’t do this to them so last minute. After a long year, this is their time with Lando. 

You shake your head immediately, wrinkling your nose. “No way. I wouldn’t want to barge in on your family time.”

“C’mon, you wouldn’t be! My family loves you.” He shrugs. “I mean, you’re basically an honorary Norris already at this point, and I think my sisters might love you more than they love me.” 

That makes you laugh. “Shut up, no they don’t!” 

“Uh, yeah they do.” 

“Okay, maybe they do. I’m just that easy to love.” 

“Yeah, you are,” He says, smiling softly. Your head cocks to the side at the pure warmth in his tone, and it seems to make him snap out of whatever trance he’s in, because he gives his head a subtle shake. “Seriously, come home with me. It’ll be fun. Way more fun than just sitting around at home watching those boring home improvement shows you seem to like so much.” 

“Hey! Those shows are fun!” You huff, swatting him on the thigh. 

“Sure they are,” He says, still unbelieving. “So what do you say? Christmas with the Norrises, how ‘bout it?” 

You let out a breathy chuckle, nodding. “Okay. Yeah, that sounds lovely.” 

“Mint! I’ll go let my mum know.” He beams, bouncing to his feet. “Better let Flo and Cisca know too, they’d kill me if I brought you round and didn't tell them ahead of time.” 

“Lando?” You call after him. He whirls around with an arched brow, phone already in hand. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’d never let you spend the holidays alone.”  

Looks like this Christmas might not be so bad after all. 

-------

The first thing you hear when you climb out of the car at Lando’s family’s house is a shout of your name. 

Before you can even register who might be calling you, a little body crashes into your legs, arms wrapping around your knees tightly. Now you know who it is, and you grin. 

“Why hello, miss Mila!” You chirp, kneeling down to be at her level. She giggles loudly at the finger you boop against her nose, throwing her arms around your neck as best she can, and you lift her up onto your hip. “Are you excited for Christmas?” 

“Christmas!” She cheers. Lando wanders over to the two of you from the boot of the car at that moment, and the second Mila spots him, she grins even wider than you’d thought was possible. “Lala!!!” She squeals, reaching out for him. 

Lando takes her into his arms, swings her around a little bit, beaming brightly at the peals of laughter that escape her with every swing. “My goodness, you’ve grown! You might be almost as big as me now!” 

Lando’s brother, Oliver, emerges from around the house now with his other daughter nestled in his arms, raising his free hand in greeting as he makes his way over. 

“Guess my brother finally gathered the nerve,” He says cheerfully, clapping Lando on the back. Lando not-so-subtly steps on Oliver’s foot, garnering a hiss of pain from the older Norris. “To…make it home when it’s still bright out! Yeah, he usually doesn’t come around til the girls have gone off to bed.” 

“It’s nice to see you too, Oliver,” You chuckle, pushing aside your confusion as you give a small wave to the toddler in her father’s arms. She waves back shyly. “Thanks for letting me join you guys this year.” 

“Please, you’re welcome here anytime,” Oliver replies, sounding more than sincere. “C’mon, let’s head inside. Mum and everyone’ll be stoked to see you.” 

Mila wriggles out of Lando’s arms to come hold your hand, dragging you towards the house excitedly. You don't notice Lando and Oliver dropping back, nor the hushed conversation they have that is definitely about you. 

Much like both boys have said, the rest of their family welcomes you with open arms.

His parents tell you how good it is to see you again, and that they’re happy you’d decided to come home with Lando, Flo and Cisca glue themselves to your side immediately to catch up with you, even little Athena starts to warm up to you the longer she watches her older sister play with you. 

You feel right at home with all of them like you always do, and it makes you start to forget about spending your first Christmas without your own family. Though, in a way, Lando’s family is starting to feel like yours too. 

-------

It’s Christmas Eve and you can’t sleep. You’ve been at Lando’s house a few days now and everything’s been great—the food, the company. Lando. 

You’re used to him being a little forward with his affections towards others, because that’s just the way he is. So when he pulls your legs over his lap while you’re watching a holiday film with the whole family, or rests his head on your shoulder during Monopoly, you don’t think anything of it at first. He likes cozying up to friends and being close to them. But as the days go on, it starts to feel different this time. 

At first you just assume it’s because he doesn’t want you to feel awkward, but then you catch him staring at you a few times in a way you can only describe as pure fondness. While you're on the sofa cuddled up with Mila and Athena watching one of their shows. As you're helping Cisca figure out what to wear for her next date with her boyfriend, or helping his mum in the kitchen. 

It could be platonic, but it feels a little too intimate to be so. 

You don’t want to think too much into it, though. It wouldn’t do you any good to get your hopes up about the possibility of something more with Lando when it could just be all in your head. 

Sitting up in bed, you scrub your hands over your face. Too many thoughts run their way through your brain for you to fall back asleep, no matter how tired you may be. You glance out the window beside you, and suddenly your attention is captured at the scene outside. 

It’s snowing. 

Sure, it’s an ungodly late hour, but seeing snow makes you want to go outside. Doing your absolute best not to wake anyone up as you swing yourself out of bed and creep down the hallway, you make your way down the corridor to Lando’s bedroom. 

You knock on his door quietly, listening for anything that could give away whether or not Lando was up. For a few seconds, there isn’t a sound. Then you hear the clacking of a keyboard and the faint sound of him talking, and you know he’s awake. He probably didn’t hear you knock. 

Pushing open the door slowly, you pad into the room to see him slouched over in his gaming chair with his back towards you.

“Yeah, mate, I’m gonna tell her—no, I’m not! Fuck off,” He says. There’s a lengthy pause—whoever he’s on call with is talking, you assume. “I’m just—I’m waiting for the right time. Like, I’ll know when it comes, won’t I?” 

Your heart gives an involuntary pang in your chest and you sigh, having already had enough eavesdropping on this conversation. 

You pad towards Lando, going for a gentle tap on the shoulder. Your hand just barely touches his arm, but he jumps about a foot in the air, flinching so hard you think the poor boy might’ve given himself whiplash.

“Jesus! What the—don’t sneak up on me like that!” He yelps, pushing one side of his headphones above his ear. On the screen, you can see he’s playing Tarkov again. Alway playing Tarkov instead of sleeping, that boy. 

This time, it works out for you. Now you can drag out into the snow with you. Not that you weren’t going to do it anyways even if he was asleep.

“You couldn’t hear me! What was I supposed to do?” You huff. Squinting at the other username on screen, you smile, pushing into Lando’s space to reach his microphone. “Is that Max? Hi, Max!” 

Lando’s voice sounds a bit strangled when he relays Max’s response a few moments later. “He says hi.” 

“What else did he say?” 

“What? Nothing,” He replies quickly, swallowing hard. “Why?” 

“That was such a long pause, there’s no way he just said hi.” 

“Well, he did, so…it’s whatever. What’s, uh, what’s up? Everything okay?” 

Now you remember what you came here for. Grinning, you bounce on the balls of your feet. “There’s snow outside!” 

“No way!” He says earnestly, cocking his head to the side. He abandons his game in favor of shuffling over to the window and peering outside, letting out a pleased little noise when he sees that it is indeed snowing out in the garden. “That’s wicked.”  

“Will you come outside with me?” 

He exhales sharply, giving an amused chuckle. “Yeah, right. I’m not going outside.” 

“It’ll be fun!” 

“Don’t see what’s so fun about freezing my ass off in the cold,” He grumbles, but you can tell he just needs a little more convincing. You jut out your lower lip, giving him the pout of yours that he can never seem to withstand, and his resolve starts to crumble. “No, don’t do that. Stop that right now. I’m not going outside with you at this time of night.” 

“Please, Lan?” You plead, taking his face into your palms so he can’t look away. For a split second, his gaze seems to flicker down to your lips, but before you can process the tiny movement, he’s squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Oh my god, fine,” He groans, shoulders sagging. You beam, wrapping your arms around him in a quick hug. “Let me go tell Max I’m being held against my will and then we can go.” He crosses back over to his desk and mutters something into the microphone that you can’t quite make out. 

As you’re pulling on layers to guard yourselves from the cold, he pauses, turning to you with one shoe on. “You didn’t, erm, happen to hear anything when you came in to get me, did you?” 

“No, why?” 

You’re not sure why you choose to lie about what you’d overheard, something about Lando telling some girl something at the right time. He hadn’t told you anything about having a crush on anyone, but then again, these past few weeks have been hectic. 

“Oh, nothing. Just wondering.” He pulls the front door open right then, suddenly seeming so eager to get outside despite his previous grievances. Something in his tone hints that it might not be as nothing as he says it is, but you won’t push. 

You traipse out into the garden after him, making careful sure to close the door behind you so the cold doesn’t seep in. Fresh powder crunches underfoot as you make your way further out. 

The falling snow has already begun to coat everything out here in layers, and you drag your finger through it, smiling to yourself at the clean cut line it makes.

It feels like another world out here. In a life that is so often always hustle and bustle all the time, the quiet of this time of night in the countryside seems deafening, but in the best way. Peaceful can only begin to describe how you feel right now. 

“Why is it so fucking cold out here?” Lando grumbles, burrowing deeper into his three scarves. Along with the two jumpers and thick coat he’d shoved himself into before even stepping foot outside, he looks well freezing.

“Don’t be such a grinch, Lan. It’s snowing!” 

He scowls. “It’s freezing.” 

“C’mon, at least try to have some fun! You’re killing my vibe, mate,” You huff, bending down to scoop up a loose handful of snow to chuck in his direction. It scatters into the air before it even makes it to him, but hey, at least he’s laughing now. You turn to say something else, but you’re immediately stopped in your tracks. 

A snowball explodes against your forehead before you can say a thing, spraying bits of icy snow everywhere. 

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry!” Lando yelps, nearly tripping on his own feet in his scramble towards you. You’re too stunned by the snow dripping its way down your face to even register his words. “I wasn’t aiming for your face, I swear! Are you okay?” 

You blink owlishly at him, at the concern and horror mixing in his expression as he takes you by the shoulders to check you out. He uses his teeth to pull off one glove, tossing it off to the side as he reaches to brush the snow from anywhere he can reach.

“For a professional athlete, you really do have shit aim,” You huff, playful annoyance in your tone. 

Lando’s teeth dig into his bottom lip, eyes crinkling happily at the corners as he giggles quietly. “I know. S’terrible, innit? Good thing my job doesn’t require me to do any throwing.” 

“Good thing,” You echo. 

His palms cup the expanse of your cheeks, the pads of his thumbs brushing across your cold skin delicately, and he’s looking at you in that way again, the way that makes you feel like you’re the only other one in the world. Blue-green eyes like sea glass flit around your face, thick brows furrowing ever so slightly as he inches forward. Slowly, like he’s giving you a way out if what he’s about to do isn’t what you want. 

You’re holding your breath as he gets closer, closer, closer, until—

Fireworks. 

As if kissing your best friend isn’t cliche enough, all you can describe of the feeling of his lips against yours is fireworks, bursting in your chest like little explosions. 

“Wait—” You breathe, splaying a hand across Lando’s chest to push him back a bit before the kiss can go on any longer. Despite how much you want it to continue. He makes some sort of displeased noise out the back of his throat, pink lips turning down into a pout. “What about the other girl?” 

That gets him to pull back a little more, head cocking and nose scrunching in genuine confusion. “What other girl?” 

“I lied. I did hear you talking when I came into your room, you said something about waiting for the right time to tell her something. You can’t be kissing me if you like someone else, Lando!” You exclaim incredulously. 

He regards you blankly for a few seconds. Then he starts to laugh. You’re trying to save his ass and he’s laughing at you. You scowl at him. “Why the fuck are you laughing?” 

“Oh! Oh, that was so good! That was gold, really,” He splutters, tears in his eyes. You swat indignantly at him and he holds up his hands in surrender, doing his best to catch his breath. “There is no other girl, you muppet! I was talking about you.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh. Guess this is the right time then, huh?” He says, chuckling nervously as he rubs at his reddened nose. “So, here goes it. I think I’m in love with you.” 

“Why?” You ask, disbelieving. It’s a blunt response, you’re fully aware, but you want to know. 

“What d’you mean, why? Have you met you?” He scoffs, like he’s astonished you even have the nerve to question him. “You’re amazing. You’re kind and funny and so smart, and you make people happy—you make me happy, even when I’ve had the absolute shittiest day, I know everything’ll be fine as soon as you find me. You know what I need, even when I don’t know what I need.” 

You’re at a loss for words hearing all this now. How has Lando been in love with you all this time, with you none the wiser? 

“Why’ve you never said anything?” You ask softly.

Lando smiles almost sadly, letting his hands drop back down to his sides. “You’re one of my best friends. I’d rather keep my mouth shut if telling you meant losing you. Losing what we have because you didn’t feel the same way.” 

That, you understand. The fear of ruining your friendship with Lando is one of the reasons why you’d kept your feelings for him secret as well. So to both of you, it was better to ignore your feelings and stay this close than to let the other know and possibly lose one of the best things in your lives. 

“We’re idiots,” You sigh, closing your eyes. 

“You’re not an idiot,” He says immediately. Then he frowns. “Wait, why would you be an idiot? I know I am, but why you?” 

You grab Lando by the collar of his puffy jacket, pulling him into a firm kiss. If he’s surprised, it only shows for a split second before he’s kissing you back fervently, drawing you flush against him by the hips. His nose against your cheek is much colder than before, but the warmth that spreads from your chest down to your toes is more than enough to remedy it. 

“Please tell me that means you do feel the same way,” He pants, looking entirely dazed when you pull away. 

You raise an amused brow at him. “No, I just kissed the living daylights out of you because I don’t feel the same way—what do you think?” 

“Best Christmas gift ever, is what I think.” He smiles warmly. Then he shivers, blowing out a sharp breath. “Now can we please go back inside? I can’t feel my face anymore.” 

Once you’re inside and have shed your coats and shoes and anything else wet with snow, Lando nudges you towards the kitchen. “I’ll make us some hot cocoa.” He murmurs, quiet so as to not wake anyone in the house. You pause, causing him to look back at you. “What?” 

“The package kind or the real kind?” 

“What sort of question is that? The real kind, of course,” He snorts. “With milk and everything.” 

“Oh, you do love me!” You say gleefully.

Lando rolls his eyes playfully, giving your hand a firmer tug that has you sliding right in under his arm on your socked feet.

Despite all his moaning and groaning about being cold, he’s pleasantly warm, and you sigh, nuzzling in closer. He welcomes your closeness, dropping a kiss to the side of your head as he shuffles his way towards the pots and pans cupboard with you latched onto him, not even trying to wriggle out of your grasp.

It feels natural because you’ve always been close. Though now, things have changed. Now, you can kiss him if you want to, instead of wondering what Lando would do if you did it. You’re not just friends to each other anymore. 

You press your lips against his quickly as he’s piling marshmallows on top of two mugs of hot cocoa, pulling back right after just to see his reaction to the impromptu kiss.

As expected, his mouth curves into a grin, dimples on full display. He flicks a marshmallow at you, and you reciprocate, tilting your chin up at him in challenge.

Soon enough, now you’re both chucking the tiny white sweets at each other, trying and failing to catch them into your mouths. The first of you to catch one of them is you, and you cheer, flinging your hands in the air. 

“Oh my god, shush, you! People are sleeping!” He breathes, lunging forward to press a hand over your mouth as you’re mid-shout.

Your eyes widen in comical realization and it makes him laugh, which makes you laugh. His hand falls from your face as you both fall apart in quiet giggles. 

You’re laughing because he’s laughing, he’s laughing because you’re laughing, and neither of you can stop until your sides hurt. 

“C’mere,” He murmurs, stepping in close and sliding a hand around the back of your neck. His gaze flits all around your face, taking in the sight of you with eyes that twinkle with happiness even in the darkness of the kitchen. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Lan." You smile.

He kisses you then, long and sweet and with such gentleness that it makes your stomach do somersaults. 

In the morning, you’ll need to figure out how you’ll play things with Lando’s family, and then everything after. But not now.

For now, you’ll watch the snow fall outside while you snuggle up on the sofa with the boy you love and a mug of not so hot cocoa. 

So maybe this Christmas hadn’t gone exactly as you’d planned, but really, you aren’t too sad about it anymore. You wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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[rewordthis]

I wonder if anyone has ever thought about taxidermy, for this specific scene.

Because the art of taxidermy is one of preservation. Yeah, it may sound cruel or exploitative like OP is saying here but where I come from, it is mainly about preserving the memory of a certain time, like a first kill of a hunter or for preserving a very beautiful, rare specimen. Sometimes it also can be used as a means to learning, too. Like he has learned how death is for them (plants) now and every time he looks at his sisters he learns anew about death and pain and how deep he can feel both—a test for him to pass every day of his remaining life. A way to still himself against fear and loneliness. And everything OP says here also reinforces this idea, for me.

As Knives said, he kept his sisters so he will “always remember”—his memento mory of sorts. But also of not forgetting the ugliness, the loss and the pain that he experienced first hand that day—because memory is a fickle thing and tends to mainly preserve the “good times” in the long run (and boy, does he have a long looong time to run!). He wants to preserve the events in his mind.

And as far as taxidermy and keeping a corpse close goes, there are cases of people that have had their beloved pets embalmed in order to prolong the way they spent with them—which admittedly is fucked up—but not out of being exploitative but purely out of love. Because letting go is hard. And because being alone is hard, as well. So… yeah. He is fucked up and his love is fucked up as an extension—that’s just his way of expressing it with actions. And he, also is lonely. So so so lonely…

Also @concernedlily’s tags:

Because, yes. We have that, too as Orthodox Christians. It’s us honouring and revering the Saints’ sacrifice. It’s also a proof of existence, a reminder of sorts, that we as well are worthy of salvation and holiness.

At the very bottom of things, he’s not entirely crazy. He is just… weird. And traumatised.

People have pointed out how triKnives keeping the corpses of his sisters/plants shows how truly dismissive and exploitative of them - and by extension Vash - he is, but I don’t really see it as that. (from one angle yes, the case can certainly be made that him tacking up the dead bodies of his own kin around his piano room shows how fucked in the head he is, but there’s more layers to it) Tristamp Knives is different from other iteration in that he is both more vulnerable and more colder than his counterparts. This is the boy that held his hand out to Rem. The boy who was screaming for someone to save sister plants. The boy who gifted his brother a gun so the brother could kill from a distance. The boy who was screaming “how many times will you steal him?” The boy still desperately pleading while he was burning to death, so on and so forth. But yet, he distances himself from humanity in a way ‘98 and trimax Knives doesn’t. And he says he keeps the body of his sister suspended there to remind him, and I think that’s what it actually is. Because, what did he need to remind himself of? He didn’t have the corpses there before he witnessed the Last Run. And sometime after the Last Run, after he cut off Vash’s arm and lost his brother for the second time, is when he puts up the bodies. He could have had doubts, he could have had regrets, even for a person so strong in their convictions. Seeing the plants die all at once changed him, being rejected by Vash changed him, and Knives was still very young then. He could have faltered, could second-guessed himself, could have despaired of ever making the change he wanted, and then became ashamed of his weakness and did something drastic to hold himself to account. Like, yeah, hanging up his dead siblings. Because if there’s one thing Knives does, is do something drastic when confronted with an Issue. And also, there’s something else to consider, maybe it’s a twisted way of honoring his sisters. Of letting them stand free of their glass prisons in death.  Knives must of taken the bodies he displays from the plants after the Last Run, because the bodes are black and burnt, but hundreds of other plants also died, and what happened to their bodies? They aren’t just sick like the red plants still living in their glass tubes, they’re dead. Because, what are the funerary rites for plants? There probably aren’t any at all. They’re probably disposed of as bio-organic waste. Did Knives lay the others to rest somehow, or did Knives just dispose of them and just kept those odd four or five back out of all of them, because he managed to keep those at least? Is the one hanging over his piano the one he tries to touch in July? They’re dead, but he can keep them safe in his room. They’re dead, but at least he can give them the company of another plant, himself. They’re dead, but they remind him he’s not to let this happen again. They’re black and burnt and dead, and so will Vash be in every way that matters, but he’ll be safe, and Knives will keep him company. Yeah, maybe displaying bodies in such a way is outwardly extremely exploitative, but one of Knives’ greatest flaws is how he crosses over to the side he despises to ensure he and his are not hurt by that side. His Hannibal Lecter piano room decor is fucked up way of honoring his dead, and as he says, reminding himself that he needs to do what has to be done. 

[doja365]

Crybaby(Chapter 1)

Dollhouse Masterlist TW- Neglect

Escape

That's all I could think about.

Escaping

Running, killing, hiding. Nothing would fill the void that was made only for me.

Killing is what I did most, well luckily since Talia Al Ghul was my trainer.

She took me in when I was on the run from my own family. She was cruel but sweet sometimes. She made me forget everything I left the Waynes for.

I had all the training I needed. I learned Jiu jitsu, Aikido, everything!

I was trained to be one thing

A murderer.

I still had school but when I talk to other kids they get scared of me. Why?

I enjoyed all kinds of art. Drawing, painting, movies, novels, and you know where I'm getting at. The kids looked at me like I was crazy, did I do something to them? Momma T, always adored what I did, it always seemed, normal.

I get the nice family I've been asking for instead of dealing with a rich man-whore as a father and possible drug-dealers as brothers. Damian always hit me for being a bitch and I don't know why. I mean I know his mother must've died and is stuck with a dick-head like Wayne but why deflect on me?

People know I'm different but I do the things girls do, I paint, I dance, I play instruments, and I know how to sing. I'm not that different from them.

But soon I understood, I learned to kill, hack, and steal. I learned all the horrendous things that was actually able to keep me alive. And for that I am thankful. I can even speak 8 languages for the sake of preventing exposure.

I am now Eurus Pirate Al Ghul the now concierge of crime.

I'm now a legal adult that makes her own decisions on the highest bidder for my next target.

5 years ago...

BANG!

"Did I get it?" I asked.

"Yes, sweetheart, you are becoming smarter now. I want you to come with me." Grandpa Ghul replied.

My challenge was to practice the art of stealth and elimination of opponents. I had to wear a tight uncomfortable black suit for the purpose of camouflage.

We arrived at a foyer and I saw mom nearby so I ran to her.

"Momma!" I ran straight to her and hugged her.

"Hey Pirate, I need you to do something and it's important for all of us." She said as she knelt down to me giving me a katana.

I would do everything for them, they saved me. But I never really knew it.

"Eurus, when you came here you looked like your father. Driven by rage and sadness, now it has brought our paths to cross." He said.

I smiled gladly, acknowledging his words and veneering gratitude. But I still didn't understand why I was here.

"But, I still need to test your commitment to justice. Don't be as gullible as your father, Bruce Wayne, young one."

A guard nearby dragged a shirtless man who was actually a thief. And Grandpa gave me the katana.

"Grandpa you're wrong about one thing."

"What?"

"Bruce Wayne's not my father."

SLASH!

"It's good to see someone make the right choice. Now someone clean this mess up."

"You've shown that you're dedicated to serving justice. Now you shall receive your title."

"What is it?"

"Artemis"

"As a reward, with no Ego, I can assure you, this is the finest sword"

The last memory I held onto for the days to come

Present...

I was drinking some scotch whilst smoking, and I waited for my next assignment. I was able to graduate as an archaeologists because I get good money on the side, and it's easier with the whole assassin thing.

RING!

"What is it Tank?" I asked. Each one of us calls each other by nicknames in order to prevent prying eyes. The only time we address each other by our real name is when we are at the penthouse.

"We got one for ya Artie."

"Let this be a bit harder, alright sweetheart I don't want my target to be a 50 year old hormonal man with only Mickey Mouse as his guard."

I swear that sounded a lot better in my head.

"Relax Artemis, this one's gonna be good I promise."

"Where's the target?"

"Gotham."

"You better not be fucking with me T."

"Check your front door."

I opened the door and saw a big box. It contained the file with some weapons and a 'welcome home gift'. Gosh he can be such a bitch most of the time. I read the file and I wish I could unsee it.

"I know you'd like this Artie"

File:

Name: Jason Todd Alias: Red Hood Kill Count: 83 Status: Alive Price: $500,000 Location: Gotham Brought To: Joker

WANTED

"Artie, ARTEMIS! You there?"

"I could've taken it for one dollar, he's not worth this much."

"Great just give me the $499,999 and I'll split it with the rest Artie."

"Fuck you."

"I'd rather have you do that sweetheart."

"In your dreams, prepare a delivery for Jason's head to the Joker. I may be the concierge but it doesn't mean I won't kill with my bare hands. Prepare the artillery and get me a dilapidated house to prevent the media. Let's tear that bitch apart."

Taglist:

@lunayaps, @not-aya, @iluvcatzz, @vanessa-boo, @ivyrose9194,@thesehandsarerated-e,@horror-lover-69

[lexithwrites]

omg I totally agree with the oversexualisation of trans reg!!! I also see the same thing for t4t rosekiller, bartylus, jegulus etc. It's just so annoying that we're "giving rep" but it's all sexualisation. And I feel so bad because I would never want to say anything to offend anyone but sometimes it feels like people are only hc characters as trans ftm is so they can have two people w vaginas having sex while still calling them men.

I really don't know if any of this makes sense and I really don't want to be offensive in any way, but I don't know how to phrase it. I want more rep for trans people but WHY is it all sexualisation.

(side note I'd love some fluffy/angsty hcs for any trans marauders character u have in mind <3)

No I completely agree with you, and trust me SO many ppl on Twitter I know agree as well and get frustrated. I adore trans rep, it’s why I started the OF universe, to explore it in a way I enjoy and find helpful to me, and yes there’s a lot of sex but I try not to make it uncomfortable, but sometimes it does come across as ppl wanting James to sleep with someone with a vagina without them being a woman lmao, that’s not for every trans rep tho, some can be lovely and it’s great to read, but reg specifically can be written as a plaything and it feels so sexualised for no reason…ANYWAY never feel worried about sharing your opinions with me, I’m always down for conversations like this!

And hcs of course! Trans Sirius has my heart, especially if they’re genderfluid or nonbinary, I love writing them finding their style and using whatever pronouns they want, I just feel like they’re v androgynous no matter what and love changing their style just bc it’s what they love doing, not to fit in! Also ftm Remus has my heart, growing up with supporting parents like Lyall and Hope UGH they’d be so helpful with his transition! Also nonbinary Marlene my angel!! She’s v butch lesbian to me but also I can see she/they for her, like testing out their masculinity and exploring it with Mary or Dorcas (I can never really choose between them I love both couples) at their side

[coyote-tail-cronically-ill]

sure i may have conditions that are undiagnosed, but my doctors knew how serious it was and gave me an NJ tube because i almost died, even if they DIDNT believe it still doesn't negate the fact that my symptoms exist and that they completely disable me. Diagnosis doesn't equal disability and every time someone comes up to me or anyone else with an undiagnosed condition spewing some "but you aren't disabled, you don't know what it is" "you must be faking" it's always so fucking exhausting to explain to them that you experience the disability and symptoms WAY before the diagnosis. You don't just get a diagnosis and become disabled, you experience all of those symptoms and spend hours trying to find an answer and spend years trying to find an accurate diagnosis. My gastroenterologist told me "sometimes people don't look exactly like how we're taught in the book, it's natural, people don't confine to a book" It's completely fucked to assume that every body in the world is just going to conform to EVERY diagnostic or test out there. To everyone who is undiagnosed, I see you, i know how absolutely frustrating it is to not have an answer and have people treat you poorly because of it, but you didn't fail, you can't confine to a book that has existed for far less time then people have existed, there will be outliers and it is not your fault.

[yoursinisforgiven]

SKIN TISSUE ──

pairing: xanthus x reader (love) x dontis

cw: pure filth. (smut), afab reader, threeway, porn with feelings, mentions of dontis’s listener (hunter) & their father, reader passes out, religious symbolism, mentions of alcohol, xanthus feeds off of dontis, bloodplay, light spanking, mfm aspects, infidelity (i suppose), no use of condoms, breeding without the intentions of pregnancy, anal (reader’s not receiving), spit used as lubricant, multiple orgasms. oral (male receiving) vaginal fingering, penetrational sex, floor sex.

you are responsible for your own media consumption.

The smell of herbs and sizzling garlic filled the air, a quiet symphony in the otherwise silent kitchen. 

Dontis moved with effortless grace, his hands deftly chopping fresh basil, the rhythm of his knife almost hypnotic. “Do you believe,” he asked suddenly, his voice soft but laced with a thoughtful edge, “that people are meant to suffer to understand what it means to live? Or is suffering just… meaningless cruelty dressed up as divine design?”

His words slithered into the quiet, wrapping around your thoughts like vines. You leaned against the counter, watching him work, the question settling heavily between you. “I’m not sure,” you replied, your voice quieter than you’d intended. “Maybe it’s both. Or neither. Suffering changes people, but whether it’s meaningful depends on what we do with it.”

He turned slightly, the faintest smile curling his lips. “Interesting perspective,” he murmured. “Almost pragmatic, but not quite. It sounds to me like someone trying to reconcile chaos with order.” His gaze lingered on you, sharp and unyielding, like he was peeling back the layers of your soul one by one.

As he turned back to the stove, you felt it—a flicker of something foreign, something wrong. You couldn’t explain it, but in that moment, you saw him for what he truly was. A serpent. A deceiver. 

The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

The thought struck you like a hammer. His every word, his every movement, felt like a calculated strike against the bond you shared with Xanthus. That bond was sacred, wasn’t it? A covenant, a tether blessed by something beyond comprehension. Yet here was Dontis, whispering truths and half-truths, sowing seeds of doubt with his silken voice. His charm wasn’t innocent; it was poison wrapped in honey, tempting you to take the bite that would undo everything.

The thought struck like a lightning bolt, your bond with Xanthus stirring as if in warning. You pulled back slightly, your gaze darting to the delicate bracelet on your wrist—a physical reminder of the connection you shared with him. Dontis’s presence felt dangerous, not because he threatened you physically, but because of the way he made you think, feel, wonder.

“You know,” he said, breaking the silence, “you remind me of something this dish always makes me think of—a delicate balance of bitterness and sweetness. Too much of either, and it’s ruined. But find the right harmony, and it’s perfection.”

The words sent a shiver through you, not because of their meaning, but because of the way he said them, as though he were speaking about you, to you, and not the dish. You realized then, in that fleeting moment, that he was dangerous in a way Xanthus had never been: not a predator, but a temptation. A choice.

“I should check on Xanthus,” you murmured abruptly, stepping back, breaking the fragile thread of the moment before it could tighten around you. Dontis looked up, his expression unreadable, the shadow of a smile still lingering.

“Of course,” he said, turning his attention back to the stove. “But remember—sometimes it’s the choices we don’t make that haunt us most.”

 ──

Surely God had been testing you, testing your loyalty, your endurance. Dontis was an incubus—surely he had been doing this on purpose, right?

His every movement seemed calculated, designed to draw attention, to spark desire, even when you tried desperately not to notice. The way his laughter lingered just a second too long, the way his gaze seemed to pierce through you as if he knew every thought in your head. It was maddening.

Xanthus stood nearby–despite you offering him to sit next to you, he assured he had to keep a ‘lookout.’, a silent sentinel, but his presence did little to ground you against the whirlwind of emotions Dontis stirred. The bond you shared with Xanthus hummed faintly, like a distant melody struggling to break through the noise of Dontis's presence. Was it enough to shield you?

Dontis leaned closer, his voice like silk, laced with both mockery and intrigue. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked, his lips curling into a knowing smile. “It’s not intentional, I promise. It’s just… my nature.”

“Dontis,” Xanthus’s voice cut through the moment, low and warning. “Enough.”

The incubus’s smile widened, but he leaned back, his expression a portrait of feigned innocence. “I’m merely being a gracious host,” he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. “You know me, Xanny. I’ve always been accommodating.”

Something flickered in Xanthus’s eyes—a brief, almost imperceptible hesitation. It was gone in an instant, replaced by his usual stoic demeanor, but it was enough to make you wonder.

And yet, as the incubus’s laughter echoed softly, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d already failed just by letting the thought cross your mind.

You swallowed the spit gathering in your mouth. This was one moment of many, and with it, you were able to come to three conclusions.

First, Dontis was absolutely doing this on purpose. There was no mistaking the deliberate way he manipulated the space around him, the calculated charm in his every word and action. This wasn’t just his nature; it was a game, and you were the unwitting pawn.

Second, Dontis thrived on pushing boundaries. He wasn’t merely testing you; he was testing the strength of your relationship with Xanthus, probing for cracks he could exploit. Whether out of amusement or something more calculated, you couldn’t tell, but it made you all the more determined to hold firm

Third, and perhaps most unsettling, some part of you wasn’t sure if you wanted the tension to stop. It was a dangerous thought, one that you quickly pushed aside, but it lingered like a shadow at the edge of your mind. Did this mean you were weak, or simply human?

You glanced toward Xanthus, hoping for a moment of clarity, but his face was unreadable, his gaze fixed firmly on Dontis. The vampire’s presence was steady, grounding, but his silence spoke volumes. He was giving you space to navigate this, to prove your loyalty—to yourself as much as to him.

“You’re quiet,” Dontis remarked, breaking the silence. His tone was teasing, but his eyes gleamed with curiosity. “Deep in thought, perhaps? I do have that effect on people.”

You straightened, forcing a steadiness into your voice. “Some of us value thinking over speaking,” you replied, the words sharp enough to wipe the smirk from Dontis’s face for a fleeting moment—only for it to soon return. 

Xanthus’s lips quirked upward ever so slightly in approval, a subtle but reassuring sign that your resolve had not gone unnoticed. The bond hummed stronger, a gentle reminder of where your heart truly lay, even as the challenges loomed large.

You closed your eyes and leaned back against the couch. Its upholstery was a deep shade of purple—not bright or garish, but rich and sultry, an echo of Dontis himself. It was as though the very fabric of his home was steeped in his essence, every corner of the space designed to draw you further into his world. The soft velvet beneath your fingertips whispered of indulgence, temptation, and secrets better left unspoken.  

The air felt thick, almost tangible, laden with the faint scent of incense and something indefinable—something uniquely Dontis. It clung to you, invading your senses no matter how hard you tried to resist. Even the dim lighting seemed complicit, casting shadows that flickered and danced, teasing the edges of your vision.  

This was more than a house. It was a reflection of him, a stage upon which he played his games with unnerving skill. And you? You were part of the performance, caught between the lure of his charm and the strength of your bond with Xanthus.  

Xanthus, who remained steadfast, a silent protector in this den of sin. The faint hum of your connection thrummed louder now, a lifeline grounding you in the face of Dontis’s relentless pull. His presence was your anchor, a reminder that there was more to you than the doubts and desires Dontis sought to awaken.  

For a moment, you let the tension ease from your shoulders, inhaling deeply as you tried to reclaim a sense of balance. Dontis’s world was suffocating, intoxicating, but it was also temporary. You had endured this long; you could endure a little longer.  

"Comfortable now?" Dontis’s voice broke through the quiet, smooth and amused. You opened your eyes to find him watching you, his expression one of feigned innocence, though the glint in his eyes betrayed his true intentions.  

You didn’t answer immediately, letting the silence stretch just long enough to unsettle him. Then, with a calm you didn’t quite feel, you replied, “The couch is nice, though it seems a little too fitting for you. I’m not sure whether to find that amusing or suspicious.”  

Dontis laughed, the sound like warm honey with a bitter aftertaste. “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said, leaning back himself, the picture of ease. “It’s always gratifying to be... unforgettable.”  

From the corner of your eye, you caught Xanthus’s faint smirk, the subtle curve of his lips like a quiet victory. Despite the incubus’s games, you weren’t as easily swayed as he might have hoped.  

The room seemed to exhale with you, the tension loosening its grip. For now, at least, you had found your footing again. But the night was far from over, and in Dontis’s lair, the real test was only just beginning.

 ──

New Orleans was alive with glamour, music, and the tantalizing aroma of food that seemed to waft from every corner. The city was a living, breathing entity, its streets pulsing with a vibrancy that could only exist here. It took no small effort to coax Xanthus out of the sanctuary of Dontis’s home—his carefully constructed fortress of control.

The Trimidainy, had made Xanthus almost painfully vigilant. It wasn’t paranoia, exactly, but a relentless need to maintain constant awareness and control. Xanthus didn’t trust the world beyond his walls, not fully. He had his reasons, of course, though he rarely spoke of his thoughts. Dontis had mentioned it in passing, almost casually, as though it were obvious. “He’s always been that way,” the incubus had said with a smirk, though there was an undertone of something like exasperation.

The streets had an almost ethereal glow, the gas lanterns lining the narrow alleys casting flickering light onto cobblestone paths. Music spilled from every corner—haunting jazz melodies that seemed to weave into the humid night air, enticing you to linger. But there was no lingering with Xanthus. He moved with purpose, his eyes scanning every shadow as though he expected something—or someone—to emerge from it.  

You trailed behind him, the bond between you a quiet reassurance, though his tension was palpable. Dontis sauntered a step ahead of you, his stride languid and almost dismissive, as though he owned the very streets beneath his feet. He tossed a careless smile at passersby, some of whom turned to watch him go, entranced despite themselves. The power he carried wasn’t merely in his nature but in his effortless ability to command attention.  

“Relax, Xanthus,” Dontis drawled, his tone both amused and faintly mocking. “No one here poses a threat to your precious fortress of paranoia. It’s New Orleans. Let the city work its magic.”  

Xanthus shot him a look that could have cut glass but said nothing, his jaw tight. You could feel his frustration like a ripple through the bond, though he held it back with his usual stoicism.  

Dontis chuckled, clearly pleased with himself, and turned to you instead. “What about you? Surely you’re not immune to the charms of this place. The music, the lights… the promise of secrets waiting to be uncovered.”  

You glanced around, taking in the sights. The air was thick with the mingling scents of spices, perfume, and something faintly metallic that made your stomach twist in a way you couldn’t quite place. It was intoxicating, but also unnerving—like the city itself was alive and watching.  

“It’s beautiful,” you admitted, though your voice held a hint of caution.  

“See?” Dontis gestured at you with a flourish. “At least someone here has taste.”  

Xanthus ignored him, his gaze fixed on a small group of musicians gathered on the corner. Their song was slow and mournful, a melody that seemed to resonate with something deep within you. Xanthus lingered, his posture softening just slightly, and for a moment, you saw a glimpse of the man beneath the armor he so carefully maintained.  

The moment passed quickly. Xanthus turned sharply, his voice low but firm. “We should keep moving.”  

Dontis rolled his eyes but fell into step beside him, though the tension between them was almost visible. “You’re wasting the night,” Dontis said, his voice lilting with exasperation. “There’s so much to see, to experience. Honestly, Xanny, I don’t know how you can live like this.”  

Xanthus didn’t respond immediately, his gaze fixed on the road ahead. When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter than you expected. “I need to keep them safe Dontis—it is my duty..”  

Dontis raised an eyebrow, but there was a flicker of something in his expression—curiosity, perhaps, or recognition. He didn’t press further, though his silence felt heavy, as though the conversation had only just begun.  

The three of you wandered deeper into the city, the vibrant energy of the French Quarter giving way to quieter streets where the buildings loomed taller, their wrought-iron balconies casting intricate shadows. It was here, away from the crowds, that the city’s true age became apparent.  

“This,” Dontis said suddenly, his voice softer now, “is where the magic lingers.”  

You looked around, unsure of what he meant, but there was a strange stillness in the air—a feeling that the past was closer here, brushing against the edges of the present. The city seemed to hold its breath, and for a moment, even Xanthus paused.  

“This city has seen things,” Dontis continued, his tone uncharacteristically serious. “Things most people can’t even imagine. Blood, love, betrayal… it soaks into the very bones of the place.”  

There was something in his voice, a hint of wistfulness that caught you off guard. You glanced at Xanthus, but his expression was unreadable, his gaze fixed on Dontis as though he were trying to decipher a puzzle.  

“Don’t get lost in it,” Xanthus said finally, his tone sharp.  

Dontis laughed, the sound echoing softly against the walls. “Oh, Xanny,” he said, his smirk returning. “Getting lost is the best part.”  

The tension between them was like a taut wire, vibrating with unspoken words. You felt caught between them, their history a shadow that loomed larger with every step you took.  

“Where are we going?” you asked, breaking the silence.  

“Patience,” Dontis said, his smile sly. “You’ll see soon enough.”  

And so you followed, the city wrapping itself around you like a living thing, its secrets waiting to be revealed. But with every step, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into something far more dangerous than the night itself.  

──

The further you walked, the quieter New Orleans became, its bustling energy fading into a softer, more intimate rhythm. The narrow streets were kissed by the glow of lantern light, casting warm golden tones over the cobblestones. You followed Dontis as he led you through a labyrinth of alleys and courtyards, the city’s heartbeat slowing in these hidden spaces.  

“Not much further,” Dontis said over his shoulder, his voice smooth and unhurried. His steps were deliberate, his presence magnetic even when he wasn’t trying—or perhaps especially because he wasn’t trying.  

Xanthus followed closely, his posture stiff as always, though there was a subtle shift in him. The tension in his shoulders was less severe, the faintest relaxation in his gait betraying the pull of the city’s charm—or perhaps, something else.  

The three of you emerged into a secluded courtyard hidden behind wrought-iron gates. It was like stepping into another world: a single oak tree dominated the space, its gnarled branches heavy with lanterns that bathed the area in flickering light. A fountain bubbled quietly in the center, its gentle melody mingling with the faint hum of the night.  

Dontis paused beneath the oak, his silhouette a striking contrast to the golden glow surrounding him. “This,” he said, spreading his arms, “is one of my favorite places in the city. Quiet. Private. Beautiful, wouldn’t you agree?” His words lingered, heavier than they should have been, and his gaze flicked to you briefly before settling on Xanthus.  

“I've only showed one other human this place, a hunte—”

Xanthus moved cautiously, his sharp eyes scanning the courtyard before stepping closer to the fountain. “Why bring us here?” he asked interrupting the incubus, his voice low, though not hostile.  

“Because,” Dontis said, his tone softening, “even you, Xanthus, deserve moments like this. Even you can appreciate beauty when you’re not too busy pushing it away.”  

Xanthus’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he lowered himself to sit on the edge of the fountain, his hands brushing over the stone as if grounding himself.  

You hesitated, caught between the two of them. Dontis stood under the tree, a figure of deliberate ease, while Xanthus sat by the fountain, a quiet storm of unspoken thoughts.  

“Don’t let him intimidate you,” Dontis said, his tone playful but carrying an edge of something deeper. “The fountain is plenty big for two.”  

Three, you thought but held your tongue.  

You moved toward Xanthus, sitting beside him. The bond between you hummed softly, a tether that steadied you even in the face of the tension Dontis so expertly conjured. But tonight, the bond felt different—alive, as if it were its own presence between you. It pulsed faintly, a living thread weaving through you and Xanthus, growing stronger not in opposition to Dontis but because of him.  

Xanthus didn’t look at you, but you felt the faintest shift in him, an almost imperceptible easing of his guard.  

Dontis remained where he was, leaning against the trunk of the oak tree. His gaze lingered on the two of you, something unspoken flickering in his eyes. “You know,” he said, his voice quieter now, “this city has a way of exposing what’s hidden. Sometimes it reveals things we’d rather keep buried.”  

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, you thought they might have been meant for Xanthus. But when you looked up, Dontis’s gaze was locked on you. It wasn’t the usual teasing glint—it was something deeper, rawer. A yearning that made your breath hitch.  

Xanthus seemed to sense it too, his hand tensing against the stone. “Dontis,” he said, his voice sharp, “whatever game you’re playing, stop.”  

“I’m not playing a game,” Dontis replied, his tone softer than you’d ever heard it. He straightened, stepping closer, though he stopped a few feet away. “Not tonight.”  

You looked between the two of them, caught in the weight of the moment. Dontis’s eyes softened as they held yours, his usual smugness replaced with something achingly sincere. “You’re stronger than you realize,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “But even the strong need to be seen. To be wanted.”  

Your heart twisted at his words, the vulnerability in them cutting through your defenses. It wasn’t just a ploy; there was truth in his gaze, a longing that made it impossible to look away.  

Xanthus shifted beside you, his presence a steadying force. His hand brushed against yours—not just a fleeting gesture, but a deliberate connection. The bond between you surged in response, like a second heartbeat, alive and radiant. And for the first time, you understood: Dontis wasn’t unraveling it. He was strengthening it.  

His words, his presence, his relentless push against your walls—they weren’t breaking you apart. They were forcing you and Xanthus to acknowledge the depth of what you shared. And yet, there was something else—a thread of tension woven into the bond itself, something that pulsed faintly in Dontis’s direction.  

He saw it too. You could tell by the way his gaze lingered, not with triumph, but with something quieter. You felt Xanthus’s hand tighten on yours, a grounding force that didn’t deny the truth in Dontis’s voice.  

The night seemed to hold its breath, the three of you caught in a moment too fragile to shatter. You glanced at Xanthus, his eyes dark and searching, and then back at Dontis, who stood before you with a vulnerability he rarely allowed himself to show.  

The bond between you hummed louder now, not as a barrier, but as a bridge. It was alive, growing, adapting to encompass truths you hadn’t dared to face.  

In this quiet corner of New Orleans, hidden from the world, the weight of what lay unspoken between you all pressed down like the humid air, heavy with possibility. 

 Music poured from open doorways, laughter bubbled over from shadowy corners, and the aroma of spices and sweet pralines wafted through the air, mingling with the faint scent of jasmine. But in the quiet, tucked-away courtyard where the three of you lingered, the world felt suspended, holding its breath.

Dontis leaned casually against the wrought-iron railing, his eyes glinting in the dim light like dark jewels. “You’ve both become... quite the pair,” he said, his tone light but tinged with something unreadable. His gaze lingered on Xanthus for a moment longer than it should have, a flicker of something in his expression—fondness, regret, maybe both.

Xanthus didn’t reply immediately. His grip on your hand was steady, grounding, though the tension in his shoulders betrayed the unease he refused to voice. “We’re stronger together,” he said finally, his voice low and firm. “That’s all that matters.”

Dontis tilted his head, a smile curling on his lips that was neither mocking nor entirely sincere. “Strong, indeed,” he murmured, his gaze flickering briefly to you, then back to Xanthus. “I can see why you’d hold onto it so tightly this time.”

This time. The words echoed in your mind, subtle yet loaded, like a secret whispered just loud enough to tease but not to reveal. There was history here, intricate and layered, but it stayed in the shadows, unspoken. It made the air between them hum with an unnameable tension, a thread you couldn’t quite grasp but couldn’t ignore.

The bond pulsed faintly within you, alive and aware, as though it too was listening, learning, feeding off the emotions swirling between the three of you. Where you had once thought Dontis was a threat to it, you now felt the opposite. His presence, his words, even the emotions he seemed to draw out—none of it was fraying the connection you shared with Xanthus. If anything, it was weaving the bond tighter, making it stronger, more vivid, more alive. 

You had been so quick to see him as a serpent, a deceiver. A threat to everything you held sacred. Your bond with Xanthus had seemed untouchable—a divine covenant, a blessing etched into your very soul. And yet, Dontis’s words didn’t feel like poison anymore. They felt… like truth. Not a truth that sought to unravel, but one that sought to reveal.

You leaned against the counter, staring at the faint reflection of yourself in the window. Was this what the garden was truly about—That’s what he was, the garden. Not the garden itself, but what it represents. Choice. Change, Not the loss of innocence, not the bite of temptation, but the moment where choice created meaning. The moment when free will transformed the static into the infinite.

“Dontis,” you said softly, drawing his attention. His gaze shifted to you, dark and probing, and for a moment, it felt like he could see into the very heart of you. “You’re not as detached as you pretend to be.”

A laugh escaped him, low and velvety, but it lacked his usual sharp edge. “Detached,” he echoed, as if tasting the word. “Maybe I’m just... careful.” His eyes flicked to Xanthus again, something unspoken passing between them before he looked away, his expression shuttered. 

Xanthus’s hand tightened around yours briefly, a silent acknowledgment, though of what, you couldn’t quite say. “Careful is one word for it,” he said, his tone edged but not unkind. “Calculated might be another.”

Dontis smiled, a faint, bittersweet curve of his lips. “And you would know.”

There it was again, that subtle thread of something deeper between them, something steeped in a past you weren’t privy to but could feel in the air, in the way they spoke, the way they moved around each other. It wasn’t hostility, not exactly. It was... complicated.

The tension shifted, not dissipating but evolving, becoming something heavier, more charged. The courtyard felt smaller, the space between the three of you narrowing as though drawn by invisible strings. Dontis straightened, his eyes lingering on you, then on Xanthus, his smile softening into something quieter, something more honest.

“Shall we call it a night?” His voice was smooth, almost teasing, but there was a vulnerability in the way he asked, as though he wasn’t sure what the answer would be.

Xanthus glanced at you, his expression unreadable but his bond with you thrumming faintly, reassuringly. “Let’s go,” he said, his voice steady. His eyes flicked to Dontis, and after a moment’s hesitation, he added, “You’re welcome to join us.”

Surprise flickered across Dontis’s face, quickly masked by a smile that was almost too casual. “How generous of you,” he said lightly, though his voice carried a warmth that betrayed the act. “I’ll take you up on that.”

──

As you walked hand in hand with Xanthus, the city’s nocturnal hum began to fade, replaced by the steady rhythm of your bond. It pulsed with warmth, a living connection that had carried you through trials and doubts. Tonight, however, it felt different—richer, as if the presence of Dontis had become a note woven seamlessly into its melody. Not discordant but... complementary.

The incubus walked quietly beside you, his gaze flickering from the ground to the horizon, then back to the two of you. His usual smirk had softened into something thoughtful, even vulnerable. It was an expression you rarely saw, but one that stirred a strange ache in your chest.

On an impulse, you reached out and clasped Dontis’s hand, intertwining your fingers with his. The warmth of his touch was immediate, steady yet electric. He glanced at you, his lips parting slightly in surprise, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, his grip tightened, a silent acknowledgment of the gesture’s significance.

Xanthus, on your other side, gave your hand a gentle squeeze. The weight of his gaze settled on the intertwined fingers between you and Dontis, but he didn’t seem upset. If anything, his expression softened as his eyes returned to yours, his own hand grounding you further. The bond, once a private thread connecting only you and Xanthus, seemed to hum louder now, expanding, welcoming. It was alive, growing, strengthened not by division but by the shared energy flowing between the three of you.

The walk back to Dontis’s home felt longer than it was, each step steeped in unspoken words, shared glances, and the tension that coiled tighter with every passing moment. The air carried a charge that was impossible to ignore, a promise of something transformative waiting just beyond the threshold.

As you walked along the cobblestone streets, your gaze wandered to Dontis, whose attention seemed anchored to a bar you were passing. His expression, so often composed of teasing smirks and playful glances, now held something more subdued—something unspoken.

“What is it?” you asked, your voice cutting through the quiet.

“Nothing,” Dontis replied, though his voice lacked its usual conviction. His eyes lingered on the bar, its old wooden sign faded but still legible. “I just… I met someone there. A hunter. Long ago.”

Your brows furrowed slightly as you studied him. There was something in the way his shoulders tensed, the faint flicker of nostalgia or regret crossing his face. “Go on,” you prompted, sensing the weight of what he wasn’t saying.

He let out a soft laugh, the sound tinged with self-deprecation. “It’s a long story,” he murmured, his fingers brushing absently against the edge of his coat.

“We have all the time in the world,” Xanthus said, his voice low but steady. Dontis met Xanthus’s gaze, and for a moment, the incubus’s carefully crafted mask slipped. His eyes softened, the usual glint of mischief replaced by something raw and unguarded.

──

When you finally arrived, Dontis opened the door with a graceful sweep, his home aglow with a dim, golden light. The warmth of the room wrapped around you as you stepped inside, the rich, velvety scent of incense brushing against your senses. The door clicked shut behind you, sealing you away from the outside world.

Dontis turned to face you both, his usual playful smirk replaced by an expression that was unreadable, almost tender. His gaze flickered between you and Xanthus, searching, lingering. “I’d ask if you wanted a drink,” he murmured, his voice lower now, quieter, “but I think that’s not what anyone needs tonight.”

Xanthus took a step closer, his presence as steadying as ever, though his eyes gleamed with something unspoken. “You always were good at reading the room,” he said, his tone soft, yet there was a weight behind the words—a history that hinted at shared moments long buried but never forgotten.

Dontis let out a quiet chuckle, though there was no mockery in it this time. “I try.” His eyes met yours, and the vulnerability in his gaze was startling. “This… whatever this is… it’s not something I want to ruin.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” you said, your voice steady despite the storm of emotions brewing inside you. “If anything, you’re part of what makes it stronger.”

The incubus seemed momentarily at a loss for words, his fingers still entwined with yours. Xanthus stepped closer, his free hand brushing against Dontis’s shoulder—a simple touch, but one that spoke volumes.

“We’re all here,” Xanthus said, his voice rich with meaning. “About the past, I’m—.”

“Enough, Xanny.”

The bond between you all seemed to thrum in agreement, alive with the promise of what was to come. 

As the three of you stood in the softly lit room, the atmosphere was charged with unspoken emotions and a palpable tension that seemed to thrum in the very air around you. The bond connecting you and Xanthus pulsed with a newfound intensity, now harmoniously intertwined with Dontis's presence, creating a triad of connection that felt both exhilarating and profound.

Xanthus's gaze met yours, his eyes reflecting a mixture of love and desire, silently seeking your consent for the uncharted path you were all about to explore. Dontis, usually so confident and teasing, now watched with a vulnerability that spoke of his longing to be part of this intimate convergence.

With a slight nod, you affirmed your willingness, and Xanthus stepped closer, his hand gently caressing your cheek before his lips met yours in a tender, lingering kiss. The familiar warmth of his embrace grounded you, even as the excitement of the unknown sent shivers down your spine.

As you parted, Dontis moved nearer, his eyes searching yours for permission. You reached out, your fingers grazing his cheek, and he leaned into your touch, his breath hitching slightly. When his lips finally met yours, the kiss was both tentative and deep, a melding of curiosity and suppressed desire that had been building between you.

The three of you gravitated toward the large plush seating area, a silent agreement guiding your movements. In this intimate space, words became unnecessary, The air was thick with tension and anticipation as the three of you settled onto the plush, velvet-covered chaise. The soft glow of the room enveloped you, casting a warm, intimate light over your entwined forms.

Xanthus's hand found yours, his fingers interlacing with yours in a gesture of comfort and connection. His touch was familiar, yet now imbued with a new layer of intensity, a silent acknowledgment of the shared bond that had grown between the three of you.

Dontis, usually so confident and teasing, now watched with a vulnerability that spoke of his longing to be part of this intimate convergence. His gaze flickered between you and Xanthus, seeking, searching for a sign of acceptance, of invitation.

As if sensing your unspoken consent, Dontis shifted closer, his hand coming to rest on your thigh. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver through you, a delicious anticipation of what was to come. His lips brushed against your neck, a feather-light touch that sent goosebumps racing across your skin.

Xanthus's presence remained a steadying force, his hand moving to cup your face, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. His eyes, usually so guarded, now shone with a mixture of love and desire, a silent pledge of devotion that transcended the physical.

The air seemed to crackle with energy as the three of you moved together, a dance of touch and caress that was both familiar and new. Dontis's hands explored your body with a gentle reverence, his touch igniting sparks of pleasure that mingled with the warmth of Xanthus's embrace.

As the moments passed, the barriers between you began to dissolve, the boundaries of your individual selves blurring into a single, harmonious entity. The bond that had grown between you and Xanthus now pulsed with a newfound intensity, intertwined with Dontis's presence, creating a triad of connection that felt both exhilarating and profound.

The room seemed to fade away, the outside world ceasing to exist as you lost yourself in the sensations of the moment. The scent of incense mingled with the heady aroma of arousal, Xanthus's eyes, already darkened with desire, flashed with a hunger that went beyond the physical as he gazed upon your exposed neck. His gaze was intense, almost feral, as he leaned in closer, his cool breath ghosting over your racing pulse. You could feel the heat of his body pressing against yours, his arousal evident even through the fabric of his clothing.

"May I?" Xanthus murmured, his voice a low, hypnotic rumble that sent shivers down your spine. At your whispered consent, he didn't hesitate. His lips parted, revealing the glint of his sharp fangs, and then he was upon you, his mouth latching onto the tender skin of your neck.

The sensation was unlike anything you had ever experienced - a sharp, intense pleasure-pain that had you gasping and arching into him. Xanthus's tongue lapped at your skin, his fangs piercing, and then the first draw of your blood hitting his palate. He groaned, a deep, guttural sound that vibrated through his chest and into your own.

As Xanthus drank, you could feel a corresponding ache building between your thighs, a throbbing need that grew with each pull of his mouth. His hips began to move, rocking against yours in a slow, deliberate rhythm that mirrored the cadence of his feeding. The hard length of him pressed against your core, separated only by the thin barrier of your clothing, stoking the flames of your arousal.

As Xanthus continued to feed, his hands began to roam your body with a newfound urgency. He tugged at your clothing, practically tearing it in his haste to remove the barrier between your skin and his questing fingers. Buttons popped, fabric ripped, and then his hands were on your bare flesh, calloused palms skimming over the soft curves of your body.

Dontis, not to be outdone, joined in the fray of disrobing you both. His deft fingers made quick work of the remaining scraps of your clothing, leaving you bare and exposed to their hungry gazes. The cool air kissed your heated skin, pebbling your flesh and making you ache for their touch.

"Exquisite," Dontis breathed, his voice rough with desire. "Even more beautiful than I imagined." 

Lost in the haze of sensation, you barely registered Dontis's movements until you felt calloused fingers skimmed over the swell of your breasts, teasing the sensitive peaks until they pebbled and strained towards his touch.

Dontis leaned down, his tongue flicking out to lace over one straining nipple before drawing it into his mouth. He suckled gently, his teeth grazing the sensitive bud, sending jolts of electricity straight to your core. His other hand continued its exploration, drifting lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your pants to cup your mound.

The dual sensations of Xanthus feeding and Dontis's touch were overwhelming, pushing you closer to the edge of a precipice you'd never before approached. 

Xanthus pulled back from your neck, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he licked the last drops of blood from his fangs. His eyes, now darkened with lust and power, roamed over your flushed face, taking in the dazed expression of pleasure that graced your features.

"Dontis," Xanthus purred, his gaze flicking to the incubus who was still lavishing attention on your breasts. "Have you ever tasted the blood of a human?"

Dontis paused in his ministrations, his head snapping up to meet Xanthus's gaze. There was a flicker of curiosity in his eyes, a hint of the insatiable hunger that was a part of his very nature. "No," he admitted, his voice a low rumble. "Never."

A wicked glint entered Xanthus's eyes, a predatory smile curving his lips. In one swift motion, Xanthus grabbed Dontis by the hair, pulling him up and into a searing kiss. The vampire's tongue delved into the incubus's mouth, forcing the taste of your blood onto Dontis's tongue. Dontis's eyes widened, a low groan escaping him as the unique flavor of your essence flooded his senses.

Xanthus deepened the kiss, his fangs grazing Dontis's lower lip, the coppery tang of blood mingling with the heat of their passion. Dontis's hands fisted in Xanthus's hair, pulling him closer, wanting more of that intoxicating taste.

As the two men lost themselves in each other, you lay back, your chest heaving, your body still thrumming with the aftershocks of pleasure. Your gaze drifted over the erotic scene before you Xanthus and Dontis locked in a passionate embrace, their mouths and hands roaming over each other's bodies with a hunger that was both primal and arousing.

The sight alone was enough to reignite the fire within you, and you found yourself arching into the cool air, craving more touch, more sensation. Your hands drifted down your body, fingers teasing over the sensitive skin of your stomach. 

As they explored your body, their own clothing began to fall away, revealing the hard planes and sinewy muscles beneath. Xanthus's chest was a work of sculpted perfection, his abdomen a six-pack of lean, taut muscle. Dontis's body was no less impressive, his broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, his skin a warm, dusky hue that spoke of his incubus heritage.

The sight of them, all raw power and barely leashed desire, had your mouth going dry and your heart pounding against your ribs. You reached out, your hands greedy to explore the expanse of their chests, to feel the heat of their skin, the play of muscle beneath flesh.

Xanthus caught your wrist, bringing your hand to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to your palm, his tongue flicking out to taste your skin, before guiding your hand lower, over the ridges of his abdomen, to the thick, hard length of him. He was impressive, long and thick and throbbing with a life of its own.

Dontis mirrored Xanthus's actions, taking your other hand and guiding it to his own impressive arousal. The heat of him seared your palm, the silky hardness a stark contrast to the velvety softness of the skin. He hissed through his teeth as your fingers curled around him, his hips rocking into your touch.

You began to stroke them, your grip firm and purposeful, your thumbs swirling over the sensitive heads to catch the beads of moisture that leaked from the tips. Xanthus's eyes fluttered shut, a low moan escaping his lips as you worked his thick length, while Dontis's gaze remained locked on yours, his expression one of pure, unadulterated lust.

As you continued to pump their cocks, Dontis's hand joined yours on Xanthus's shaft, his long fingers wrapping around yours, stroking in sync with your movements. Together, you pleasured the vampire, your combined touches making him shudder and gasp, his hips rocking into your joined fists.

Spurred on by Xanthus's reactions, Dontis leaned down, getting on his knees, his tongue flicking out to taste the weeping slit of the vampire's cock. Xanthus let out a sharp hiss, his fingers tangling in Dontis's hair, holding him in place as the incubus's tongue swirled around the swollen head, lapping up the salty-sweet essence that leaked from the tip.

Emboldened, you joined him—sliding off the plush coach and joining him on your knees leaning in your tongue joining Dontis's in its exploration of Xanthus's thick length. Together, you lapped and suckled at the vampire's flesh, your tongues dancing and twining around his throbbing cock. Xanthus's grip on Dontis's hair tightened, a guttural moan tearing from his throat. You could feel the heat building, the air growing thick with the scent of sex and the sound of panting breaths and pleasured cries. Your own arousal mounted, your core clenching and fluttering around nothing as you lost yourself in the act of bringing Xanthus to the brink of ecstasy. 

You and Dontis worked in sync, your mouths exploring every inch of Xanthus's thick, throbbing cock. Your tongues swirled around the swollen head, lapping up the salty-sweet essence that leaked from the tip, the taste of his arousal exploding on your taste buds. You could feel the heat of his skin, the silky hardness that pulsed with a life of its own as you both lavished attention on his impressive length.

Dontis's hand joined yours at the base of Xanthus's shaft, his long fingers wrapping around the thick flesh, stroking in time with the bobbing of your heads. Together, you pumped and suckled, your tongues dancing and twining around his cock, your lips stretching wide to take him deeper into your eager mouths.

You could feel Xanthus's grip on your hair tightening, his hips rocking into the dual assault of your mouths, seeking more of that exquisite pleasure. His moans and growls filled the air, the erotic symphony spurring you on, urging you to bring him closer to the edge of release.

As you pleasured Xanthus, Dontis's hand drifted lower, his fingers slipping between your slick folds. He groaned against Xanthus's flesh as he felt the evidence of your arousal, your body dripping with need. Two fingers plunged into your hot, tight core, pumping in time with the stroking of Xanthus's cock, the combined sensations pushing you both closer to the brink.

You could feel the coil of tension building in your stomach, your body aching for release as you lost yourself in the act of bringing Xanthus to his peak. Your free hand drifted to your breast, kneading the soft mound, plucking at the hardened nipple, the dual stimulation making your head spin with pleasure.

Xanthus's balls tightened, his shaft throbbing against your tongue as he neared his climax. With a curse, he came undone, his hot seed erupting from the tip of his cock, flooding your mouth and Dontis's in thick, creamy ropes. The taste was overwhelming, the sheer volume of his release making you both struggle to swallow it all.

Throughout his intense orgasm, Dontis continued to stroke Xanthus's shaft, coaxing out every last drop of his release, while his fingers pumped into your dripping core, taking you over the edge with him. 

As Xanthus rode out the waves of his intense climax, his grip on your hair tightened to the point of pain, holding your head in place as he emptied himself into your eagerly suckling mouths..

Xanthus's moans and growls softened to low, satisfied rumbles as the last spurts of his release dribbled onto your tongues. Finally, his grip on your hair relaxed, his hands falling away as he slumped back against the plush of the couch, his chest heaving with the force of his breathing.

Dontis released Xanthus's spent cock, his tongue lapping gently at the softening flesh to catch any stray drops of the vampire's essence. 

He turned to you, only then does he pull his fingers from your core. His eyes glinting with mischief and a hunger that was far from satiated, he brings his fingers to his lips sucking on your arousal from them. "You taste divine together," he purred, his voice a low, seductive rumble. 

With that, he captured your lips in a searing kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth to dance with yours. You could taste the mingled flavors of Xanthus's release on his tongue, the salty-sweet essence making your head spin with renewed desire. As you kissed, Dontis's hands roamed your body, stroking and caressing, stoking the flames of your arousal that had only briefly been banked.

Xanthus watched the erotic display through heavy-lidded eyes, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. "Insatiable creatures," he murmured, his voice a low, approving rumble.

You couldn't help but notice that while Xanthus had found his release, Dontis had not. A flicker of concern crossed your mind, followed swiftly by a surge of determination to ensure the incubus was just as satisfied as the vampire.

Breaking the kiss, you trailed your fingers down Dontis's chest, feeling the rapid thrum of his heartbeat beneath your palm. “You have yet to come Dontis”

Dontis's eyes flashed with hunger as he met your gaze, a wicked grin spreading across his face. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you flush against him, letting you feel the hard, aching length of his arousal pressing insistently against your stomach.

Rolling onto your back, you guided Dontis to settle between your thighs, your legs falling open in clear invitation. He settled his hips against yours, the head of his cock nudging against your slick, swollen folds, teasing you with the promise of what was to come. You shiver slightly against the carpet of the floor.

As Dontis began to slowly push forward, easing the thick length of his shaft into your tight heat, Xanthus moved off the couch to kneel behind the incubus. You watched, transfixed, as Dontis shuddered, a low moan escaping him as he felt Xanthus's presence behind him. "Fuck," Dontis gasped, his hips jerking forward, driving him deeper into your welcoming body. 

Emboldened, Xanthus spat directly onto Dontis's hole, watching as the saliva dripped down to coat his fingers. Without warning, he pressed a finger into Dontis's ass, feeling the tight ring of muscle clench around the invading digit. He pumped his finger slowly, working Dontis open.

Meanwhile, you wrapped your legs around Dontis's waist, your heels digging into the small of his back as you urged him deeper,

Xanthus worked a second finger into Dontis's tight hole, then a third, pumping them slowly, stretching the incubus. Dontis grunted and moaned, his hips rocking back against Xanthus's hand, seeking more of that delicious friction. All the while, his own hips never ceased their steady thrusts into your hot, slick channel, the wet sounds of your coupling filling the room.

"Enough," Dontis growled, his voice strained with need. "I need more, Xanthus.”

Xanthus chuckled darkly, removing his fingers and replacing them with the swollen head of his impressive erection. "As you wish," he purred, gripping Dontis's hips tightly and pushing forward.

Dontis threw his head back with a guttural moan as Xanthus's thick shaft breached him, the tight ring of muscle stretching to accommodate the vampire's girth. Xanthus didn't stop until he was fully sheathed, his hips flush against Dontis's ass, his heavy balls resting against the incubus's skin.

You reach a trembling hand up to rub the pad of your thumb along Dontis’s cheek—an attempt at comforting, though you wondered if you found pleasure in the pain.

The dual stimulation of your tight pussy gripping his cock and Xanthus's thick length buried deep in his ass was almost too intense to bear.

Xanthus set a hard, driving rhythm, pounding into Dontis with supernatural strength and speed. The force of his thrusts drove Dontis deeper into you, his cock slamming against that sweet spot deep inside that made you see stars.

"Harder," Dontis demanded, his voice a low, feral snarl. "Fuck me harder, Xanthus."

Growling, Xanthus complied, his hips slapping against Dontis's ass with brutal force, the obscene sound echoing through the room. Dontis soon realized his body was no longer his own as he was used for both of their pleasure.

His cries of ecstasy filled the air, mingling with Xanthus's dark, approving rumbles and your own moans. The room grew thick with the scent of sex and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, the erotic symphony pushing.

Your inner walls clamped down around Dontis's pistoning shaft, gripping him like a velvet vice as your climax crashed over you. Wave after wave of ecstasy washed through you, your body convulsing and shaking, your toes curling from the sheer intensity of your release. You threw your head back, a silent scream of pure rapture tearing from your throat as your pussy gushed around Dontis's cock, drenching his shaft and balls with your honeyed essence.

Your head felt heavy, as though it were submerged in a fog you couldn’t quite shake. A strange, unnatural warmth coursed through your body, seeping into your limbs and making it difficult to move. Panic began to creep in as your vision blurred, the world around you fading into a wash of brilliant, blinding white.

Xanthus chose that moment to lean down, his lips ghosting over the tender juncture of Dontis's neck and shoulder before sinking his fangs into the soft flesh. Dontis cried out, his voice a mixture of pain and pleasure that echoed through the room. His body convulsed as a bolt of white-hot ecstasy surged through him, the sharp sting of Xanthus's bite melting seamlessly into an overwhelming flood of bliss that left him trembling.

The coppery tang of Dontis's blood spilled onto Xanthus's tongue, rich and intoxicating—a taste he savored not out of hunger, but out of pure, unbridled greed. Each pull from the wound was deliberate, each moment a declaration of dominance, and yet there was an intimacy in the act that left Dontis's heart pounding. “Xanthu—!”

Dontis's words dissolve into a guttural moan as his orgasm crashed over him like a tidal wave, his cock pulsing and throbbing inside you as he found his release. His seed erupted from his shaft, painting your walls with his hot, sticky essence, the sensation pushing him off the edge.

Xanthus groaned above you, his hips stuttering as he rutted into Dontis's spasming ass, chasing his own rapidly approaching climax. The feeling of Dontis's silken walls gripping his cock like a hot, wet fist, along with the erotic sight of your body writhing in pleasure beneath him, was quickly becoming too much for the vampire to withstand.

"Fuck, I'm going to... I can't..." Xanthus grunted, his voice a low, guttural rasp as he teetered on the brink of release. With one final, brutal thrust, he slammed into Dontis's ass, burying himself to the hilt as his orgasm overtook him.

Xanthus threw his head back, unadulterated bliss erupting from his throat as his cock jerked and throbbed, painting Dontis's inner walls. 

As Xanthus's hot seed flooded Dontis's ass, Dontis let out a guttural groan, his body shuddering with the force of his own intense climax. The feeling of Xanthus's thick, pulsing cock throbbing deep inside him, pumping him full of the vampire's potent release, pushed Dontis over the edge once more. His own shaft, still buried to the hilt inside your fluttering pussy, jerked and twitched as he found an almost immediate second release, his seed erupting from his cock to mix with the slick fluids already filling you.

As Xanthus's climax began to subside, he collapsed forward, blanketing Dontis's back with his powerful, sweat-slicked body. Dontis welcomed the weight, making sure to keep him upright. 

 ──

How should I hold my soul, that it may not be touching yours? How should I lift it then above you to where other things are waiting?

Ah, gladly would I lodge it, all forgot, with some lost thing the dark is isolating, on some remote and silent spot that, when your depths vibrate, is not itself vibrating.

You and me—all that lights upon us, though, brings us together like a fiddle-bow drawing one voice from two strings it glides along.

Across what instrument have we been spanned? And what violinist holds us in his hand? O sweetest song.

-rainer maria rilke

──

author's note: said it would take me at least a week and it took me less then a day, true dedication.

[gamerbot-22]

Touchstarved LIs as Study Buddies

Because when I was studying for my macroeconomics final the only way I survived was imagining a rotating cast of blorbos helping me out (I got a 70% btw)

Recommended Listening: Zelda & Chill Trilogy

TW/CWs: Potential Accidental Canon Deviancy, not proofread.

Can be read as romantic or platonic, whatever floats your boat! Likes and reblogs appreciated!

Special thanks to @asexual-abomination for helping with Lea and Mhin <3

🕊️ Kuras

You two will study and do nothing else.

Okay, not exactly, but it’s 90% study with a couple mental breaks tossed in to keep your mind sharp.

And you can bet your ass he’s making sure you’re drinking water and getting some good brain food in you (good luck with his cooking lol)

He’s not big on the idea of pulling all-nighters, but if it’s a necessity (say, you’re cramming,) he’ll turn into something of a spotter, making sure that you stay sane and make the most of the time you have before you eventually conk out.

Has anyone here seen Elementary? There’s a scene early in the series where Watson helps Sherlock stay awake by showing him how to do squats to get his blood pumping. Kuras does the same.

Also he’s making flashcards! Unironically I think this is a highlight for him.

His Best Subject is obviously any kind of Biological Science, but I think he’s also really good for History.

🪄 Leander

He’s good at studying on his own, but the second he’s in a Buddy System he just starts doing. The Most.

I’m talking like an hour and a half at least of set up where he’s getting drinks and snacks and a nest of pillows and blankets set up so your backs don’t get sore hunched over a table.

Lowkey I think he’s trying to be The Study Buddy Ever for you, but he doesn’t quite clock that all the prep work is eating into your study time and while that can be okay if the test isn’t pressing, if you’re cramming it’s a problem.

Once he’s settled though, he’s actually really helpful.

Very “there’s no stupid questions!” about it all, and will work with you to make sure you’ve got it all down.

Every magician worth his salt knows how to study, damnit, he’s just a social himbo.

His best subjects I think are Psychology and Social Studies. He’s a People Person.

�� Vere

He’s either not helping even a little bit by not showing up or not helping even a little bit by being a distraction.

He is bored off his ass almost the entire time, and he will make it your problem by just going on the most random of tangents after he’s done complaining.

And failing that, he’ll just go take a big nap somewhere.

He just curls right up and goes to snoozeville for like an hour before waking up and going “you’re STILL at it???”

If you want him to engage with you—or even just stick around, really—you’re going to have to bribe him in some way or another.

Of course he asks for the most out of pocket shit but tbh I think if you’ve got good snacks and something cozy he’ll just take it as a break.

Generally though he’s very much just doing his own thing while you study, it’s barely beneficial to either of you.

Except sometimes you talk at him while he draws you mayhaps…

It’s canon that he’s really artistically talented so I think his Best Subjects are Art and Literature. Those are the two things you have any hope of getting help from him on.

⛩️ Ais

Ais also takes some convincing to come around and help, tbh—

He doesn’t strike me as a guy that really studies, not just because of his personality but because he’s literally part of a Hivemind I’m pretty certain he can just ping for information if he really needs it.

But once he’s gotten settled he’s actually a surprisingly good rubber duck, letting you talk at him about theory and formula while he pokes around your space.

Like Vere, I think he naps if he’s not directly involved but he a) usually gives a head’s up but b) ends up snoring really loud which makes studying a nightmare.

Sometimes he’ll actually pay attention—maybe even leaning over the back of your chair to read over your shoulder sometimes—and you find out he’s really good at actually taking a look at a concept and Getting It really fast.

Just… don’t ask him to explain it to you.

That’s a different skill set that I don’t think he quite has off the bat.

Surprisingly maybe I think his Best Subject is Math/Arithmetic. There’s just something about how cut and dry the formulas are that make it click for him really well. Also lowkey good at Biology, specifically the behavioral side of Animal Biology.

🪡 Mhin

Good Fucking Luck

Genuinely, I don’t think Mhin has either the patience or the social bandwidth to be a decent study partner.

The best you’re getting out of them is someone who’s leading by example.

Mhin will get their own book, sit next to you, and read. And if you make any kind of noise or significant disturbance, they’ll grumble or nudge your chair to tell you to be quiet.

You can ask them to help with review questions if you want, but I think unless it’s something they already know, don’t expect any type of feedback outside of eye contact.

If it’s a regular thing and you get the chance to get used to each other, they might occasionally mention stuff in their own reading that they find interesting/you might find interesting, but generally it’s few and far between.

Just because they’re not really helping doesn’t mean they want to be a distraction, unlike some…

Like Kuras, I think Mhin is really good at Science, specifically Anatomy, but they also have a bit of a soft spot for Poetry and Strategy.

[theartofcollapse]

can i request something along the lines of female reader and casey are dating and reader sees chester flirting with casey and gets a little jealous. not the angry makes a scene kind of jealous, not to casey at least, but reader is acting weird and aloof, and even a little rude around chester enough for casey to notice. it takes a little buttering up from casey at home to get reader to stop bad mouthing chester

a/n: I'm taking requests so feel free to dm me :) summary: read above pairing: Casey Novak x female reader warnings: heavy flirting word count: 1.9K

masterlist

Jealousy - Casey Novak

Casey Novak was no stranger to attention. She was smart, beautiful, her charm obviously often drew people to her like moths to a flame. Most of the time, you didn’t let it bother you, after all, you trusted Casey with everything. But sometimes, like today, a certain someone tested the limits of your patience.

Chester Lake.

It wasn’t that you disliked him, not at first, anyway. He was a capable detective, clever and resourceful, which made him a good addition to SVU. But the way he had been hanging around Casey recently, flashing her his signature smirk and making her laugh just a little too much for your liking? Yeah, that was getting on your nerves.

You watched from across the squad room as Chester leaned against Casey’s desk, a little too close, if you asked yourself. He said something, and Casey laughed, her whole face lighting up. Normally, that smile would make your heart swell, but now it just made you want to smash your coffee mug on Chester’s head.

As you stared, you caught Olivia passing by, her eyebrows raised. “You’re glaring a hole in Chester’s back,” she said in a low voice.

You straightened, forcing your expression into neutrality. “No, I’m not.”

Olivia gave you a knowing smirk. “Right. Sure you’re not, Counselor.” She walked off shaking her head with an amused grin on her face, leaving you to stew in your growing irritation.

To distract yourself, you walked in the coffee nook again to refill your mug. For your luck, Chester decided to let Casey be and walked in the same time you did. He reached for the coffee pot and smiled friendly at you. You wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face so bad, but you didn’t let your jealousy get the best of you. You forced a smile on your face.

“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going?”

“Fine,” you said curtly, not meeting his eyes.

He blinked at your tone but didn’t comment. “Busy day for Casey, huh? She’s been killing it on that Jenkins case.”

“Yeah, well, she’s always busy,” you replied flatly, pouring your coffee and stepping aside.

Chester looked taken aback by your sharp tone. “Uh, yeah. She’s great at what she does.”

You hummed and left without another word; your coffee cup clutched tightly in your hand.

The next time you crossed paths with Chester that day was around lunch break. You sat at a small table with Casey, eating your Chinese takeouts, when Chester approached with his box of pizza.

“Mind if I join?” he asked casually, his eyes darting between you and Casey.

You opened your mouth to say yes, but Casey beat you to it. “Of course not,” she said with a smile.

Chester sat down, and the three of you made small talk - or rather, Chester and Casey did, while you mostly picked at your food and interjected with short, biting comments.

“So, Casey,” Chester said, his grin a little too wide for your liking, “what’s your secret to balancing all those cases and still looking so put together and gorgeous every day?”

You snorted, not bothering to hide your disdain. “Hard work and self-respect, I imagine. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

Chester blinked, clearly surprised, while Casey shot you a look. “Y/N,” she said softly, her tone carrying a subtle warning.

“What?” you asked innocently, eating a mouthful of your chow mein. 

Chester recovered quickly, laughing it off. “Guess I walked right into that one.”

Casey smiled politely, but you could tell by the slight furrow in her brow that she wasn’t amused. Quite the opposite, actually.

For the rest of the day, you couldn’t help but let your irritation simmer just below the surface. Whenever Chester was nearby, you’d find yourself muttering under your breath or rolling your eyes. You didn’t confront Casey about it directly, she hadn’t done anything wrong, after all, but your mood was sour enough for her to notice.

By the time you both got home, you were quiet, unusually so. Casey hung up her coat and turned to you.

“Okay,” she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. “What’s going on?”

You shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “Nothing.”

“Don’t ‘nothing’ me,” she said, her tone soft but insistent. “You’ve been acting weird all day. Did I do something?”

“No!” you said quickly, turning to face her. “It’s not you. It’s just...” You hesitated, unsure how to phrase it without sounding ridiculous.

“It’s Chester, isn’t it? You’ve been rude to the poor guy all day long. You barely talked at lunch, you rolled your eyes every time he said anything and that comment about self-respect? What’s going on?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at you. 

You groaned, running a hand through your hair and you crossed your arms, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I don’t know, Case. He’s just… he’s always flirting with you, and you let him. It’s annoying.”

Casey’s expression softened, but she didn’t immediately step toward you. “You’re upset because you think Chester Lake is flirting with me?”

You scoffed, looking away. “Think? It’s not exactly subtle, Case.”

She took a careful step closer, her voice low and soothing. “Y/N, Chester is just being Chester. He’s like that with everyone, it’s harmless.” 

She kissed your left cheek slowly and gently.

You huffed. “Well, maybe I don’t find it so harmless. He’s always hanging around you, making you laugh, flashing that stupid grin…”

Casey cut you off with a quiet laugh, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “That ‘stupid grin’ doesn’t mean anything; you know. And neither do his jokes. You know who I come home to every night? You.” She kissed your right cheek this time. “You’re the one I kiss goodnight,” then she kissed you below your ear, “the one I wake up next to,” then your nose, “the one I love.” then your forehead.

You looked down at your hands, a soft moan leaving your mouth. “It just, it feels like he’s always trying to steal your attention.”

Casey placed her hands gently on your arms and pressed her forehead to yours. “No one could ever steal my attention from you. You’re it for me, Y/N. Chester doesn’t even come close.”

You wanted to believe her, hell, you did believe her, but you weren’t quite ready to give in yet. “He just gets under my skin,” you muttered. “The way he looks at you, it’s like he doesn’t even care that you’re taken. By me. One of his colleagues. 

Casey cupped your face in her hands, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet her gaze. Her thumbs brushed your cheeks as she leaned in, her voice soft and unwavering. “Y/N, listen to me. I see him as nothing more than a coworker. You are the person I want to be with, the person I adore.” She hinted a soft kiss to your neck before she continued. “And if it takes me kissing you senseless to convince you, I’ll gladly do it.”

Before you could respond, she pressed her lips to yours, slow and deliberate. Her kiss was warm and reassuring, chasing away the last of your doubt. When she pulled back, her green eyes searched yours, her expression filled with nothing but affection.

“Do you believe me now?” she whispered, her forehead resting against yours.

You sighed, your resistance finally crumbling. “Yeah, I believe you. I’m sorry for being such a jerk today.”

Her lips curved into a soft smile. “It’s okay. I kind of like seeing you get all protective.”

You groaned, hiding your face in the crook of her neck. 

She laughed, pulling you even closer to her, if that was even possible “For what it’s worth, I think Chester might be a little scared of you now.”

You couldn’t help but laugh,. “Good. As he should be.”

Casey shook her head, leaning up to kiss you again. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about, my love. You’ll always be the one for me.” 

You stood there in the kitchen, wrapped up in each other and after a few minutes, Casey’s sweet smile turned into a smug grin. She wasn’t ready to give up on the earlier conversation that easily. At least not without a little teasing. Not without sealing the deal once and for all.

“I still can’t believe you were jealous of Chester,” her lips brushed against your ear as she spoke.

You rolled your eyes, though the smile tugging at your lips gave you away. “I wasn’t jealous. I was mildly annoyed.”

Casey chuckled, her hands trailing down your back in a way that made you shiver. “Mmhmm. Is that why you were glaring at him like you were ready to haul him into court for harassment?”

“Maybe,” you muttered, your voice quieter now.

She smirked, leaning in to press a kiss to your neck, her voice dropping to a sultry whisper. “You know, if you wanted my attention so badly, all you had to do was ask.”

Your breath hitched as her lips trailed up to your jaw, her words sending heat rushing through you. 

“I mean,” she murmured, pulling back just enough to meet your gaze, her green eyes dark with mischief, “you could’ve dragged me into the supply closet at the precinct and reminded me exactly who I belong to. I wouldn’t have minded.”

Your cheeks burned, and you bit your lip to hide the grin threatening to break free. “You’re terrible, Novak.”

“Oh, I’m terrible?” she asked, her tone playful as her hands settled on your hips. “I’m not the one getting jealous over harmless banter.” She leaned closer, her lips brushing against yours as she added, “But if it’ll help, I can spend the rest of the night proving just how uninterested I am in anyone else.”

You swallowed hard, your irritation long forgotten as her lips claimed yours in a kiss that left no room for doubt. When she finally pulled away, her voice was a low murmur against your mouth. “What do you say, Counselor? Still mad at me?”

You shook your head, your hands gripping her waist to keep her close. “Not even a little.”

Casey grinned, her fingers slipping under the hem of your shirt to brush against your skin. “Good. Because I have a few very compelling arguments to make about why you never need to be jealous again. I mean, come on, look at you. You really thought I would let him distract me when I know I get to come home to you?” This time, her hands slipped down, right on to your butt. “To this?” 

Your laugh turned into a soft gasp as her lips found your neck again. “You’re downright irresistible and I can spend all night proving it to you.”

Your resolve quickly crumbled under her touch and the heat in her voice. “All night, huh?”

Casey grinned, her lips brushing against yours as she whispered, “Whatever it takes to remind you that you’re the only one I want.”

Between kisses, she pulled back just enough to whisper against your lips again. “Should I plead my case, or are you convinced completely?”

Your hands slipped into her hair as you kissed her back. “I think you’ve made a pretty good argument, Ms. Novak. I might need a little more convincing, though.”

Her grin turned wicked, and as she tugged you toward the bedroom, you realized you were more than happy to let her prove her point all night.

[the-conversation-pod]

Pulpmania: We Are and Knock Knock, Boys!

AND WE'RE BACK!

Join us this week as we discuss the nature and definition of a BL pulp, their role in the industry, and a comparison between two recent projects. We're joined by long-time fandom watcher @twig-tea to discuss We Are and Knock Knock, Boys!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction 00:05:56 – We Are: The Branded Pairs 00:14:37 – We Are: A Rorschach Test of a Show 00:30:47 – We Are: Final Thoughts and Ratings 00:38:21 – Knock Knock, Boys! 00:48:39 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Sex Positivity 00:55:51 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Our Fab Four (and Jane) 01:09:58 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Final Thoughts and Ratings 01:14:54 – Importance of Pulps as Labs

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00 – Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

01:15 – Introduction

Ben 

And we're back. This week we have brought our good friend @twig-tea back with us. Say hello, Twig.

Twig 

Hi everyone!

Ben 

Twig, who has watched way too many shows—far more than me—is joining us to talk about two pulps this week. We're gonna be talking about We Are the series from GMMTV and Knock Knock, Boys! from WeTV.

Before we get into that, I think it'll be very beneficial for us to set a baseline on what a pulp is. Twig, you've watched over 600 BLs. How would you describe a pulp, considering most BL is basically indie cinema?

Twig 

One of the things that's characteristic of a pulp is normally low production values and formulaic plots; but formulaic plots, you could argue, is kind of one of the defining features of BL. So, when I think about what a pulp is in the BL space, I'm usually thinking about particularly inferior writing, sensationalist beyond the normal level of unrealistic storylines, racy, and anything that's, like, particularly cheap-looking or feeling.

Ben 

I feel like a lot of the times we're using pulp as a way to—maybe not intentionally—but it ends up being like a derisive way to refer to a project. And for me, if I'm describing something as a pulp, I'm talking about something that felt like it was very quickly produced to turn money—where it doesn't feel like there were a lot of people in the room who are overly concerned about individual choices that went down in the production and how they contributed to a whole. You can feel, sometimes, that different groups worked on different parts of a project, ‘cause some parts of it work really well, but maybe don't connect to others.

NiNi 

So, I have not watched 600 BLs. But my definition of a pulp, I'm thinking lower production values. But to me, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think that when you are looking at a piece of work that doesn't have a lot of budget, it can bring out some really interesting things in the production depending on how creative people can get. And I think that's a good way to look at it going into these two in particular, because on the one hand, you've got a pulp that probably did spend quite a little bit of money. And on the other hand, you have a pulp that clearly didn't have a lot of money to spend, but used its money well. So to me, the low budget aspect, or the minimal production aspect of things, doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.

Twig 

Yeah, I completely agree with that. I think the characteristics of a pulp are about how it feels, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad. I feel like people use the word ‘pulp’ whenever they just mean that a show is bad, and that's not the same thing.

NiNi 

I don't watch nearly as much as you guys. What are some of your top pulps? What are some of the pulps that you'll always watch?

Ben 

Make It Right, every time.

Twig 

Yes! Cosigned.

NiNi 

That is a great one.

Ben 

Despite our impending conversation, I still feel very positively about Make It Right.

NiNi 

What about you, Twig?

Twig 

I wasn't ready for this question and I always take forever to answer a ‘favorites’ question. So, I will say my favorite one that I've seen recently, the one that I still think about every so often after watching it, was Lady Boyfriends. I talked about it in the last season’s Grab Bag episode. It was a remake from 2014, and it has a lot of problems, but it's still doing a lot of really interesting things.

NiNi 

My favorite pulp is always gonna be Love By Chance. Love by Chance is extremely problematic in a lot of ways, but it's got a lotta heart to it.

Ben 

So much New Siwaj references in a lot of this. I think my other one will probably be... probably Rainbow Prince.

Twig 

Ahh Rainbow Prince is so good! See, Ben's actually naming good shows, I'm just naming weird shows. [Ben laughs]

NiNi 

I always tread lightly when Rainbow Prince is brought up on the show, because I still have not finished watching it and Ben will not let me rest until I finish watching it. 

Ben 

That is much to your chagrin.

NiNi 

And he is correct. I just gotta find the time.

Ben

Mm mm.

All right, so let's stop dancing around this thing. Let's dive into it.

05:56 – We Are: The Branded Pairs

NiNi

We'll start by talking about We Are. Ben, break it down for us. What is We Are about?

Ben 

We Are the series is about how GMMTV can make so much money by just putting boys that people like in front of you in an almost plotless device for 16 weeks. 

We Are the series is about a group of college students who are in two different schools that are vaguely connected to each other by one person in common. Through a series of interactions two of them come into conflict-slash-flirtation immediately between an art student and an engineer. Other guys have crushes on each other. And much of the show is about the slow matriculation of these crushes through the BL TikTok filter.

NiNi 

What is the BL TikTok filter?

Ben 

It's the fact that all of the sequences are filmed with the boys as close to each other in the center frame so they fit on a vertical phone for the quick hits on TikTok.

NiNi 

[sing song voice] The more you know.

Ben 

Well, it's about virality. The head of GMMTV has said that they no longer care about ratings. What they care about is virality. They care about hitting those kilig moments to make sure that you get all the butterflies you wanna feel. And they're going to blast that moment into socials so that it goes viral—the same way the gifmakers on Tumblr are going to rush to gif the most BL moment of the episode so that they can be first to get the notes—it’s the same thing that GMMTV is doing. As soon as that episode ends, they're gonna be on YouTube with the highlights and they're gonna be on TikTok and Instagram with the short reel so that those can go viral and get pushed out and they can draw more viewers to their socials to gain more advertising dollars as a result. And to maximize that on the thin frame of the vertical screen, almost all of your big BL moments now are gonna be filmed like you're watching a TV show from the 1960s and we're still on 4 by 3 screens again because the frame is so narrow on a phone.

NiNi 

I am not of the social media generation, so it's always fascinating to hear how this stuff has moved on while I have ignored it. [laughs]

So, let's get into the show itself. So, as Ben intimated, this is a show with a lot of boys and... multiple friend groups coalescing together into a whole. And along the way there's a lot of little romances. There are four main couples in this thing. GMMTV, what they've done here is that they have utilized casting as a shortcut for certain things, which I actually thought was kind of a smart way to use casting. 

We talked before, maybe a couple of episodes ago about the art/commerce nexus, and I talked a little bit about why because of it, the branded pair system doesn't bother me as much as it bothers others. I thought this was actually a good use of branded pairs if you're trying to get people to watch something—putting a show together that relies on your affection for some of these people. It really helped pull you along through the show until it got to the point where the show itself started to pull you along. I thought that was really clever, actually.

Twig 

I guess, if you're accepting the premise that we're not gonna use writing to do that, [laughs] which is the part that I'm upset about, but maybe I'm jumping ahead.

Ben 

Before we get there—twig-tea, you're an archivist who's been watching the genre for like 20-plus years. How about you walk us through the four major pairs of boys that are in this and how their current pairing in this show reflects the way they've been branded previously?

Twig 

There are four central relationships in this show. Phum and Peem, played by Pond and Phuwin. PondPhuwin have been a branded pair for, I want to say three years.

NiNi 

Started in Fish Upon the Sky.

Twig 

Have been in Never Let Me Go, and then the Our Skyy episode for Never Let Me Go, as well. They also do a ton of branded pair things in between their shows and have played in heterosexual series in between their appearances in BL. Pond and Phuwin tend to play…how do I describe this dynamic? 

Ben 

They really like for Phuwin to be low-key pissy about something all the time and for Pond to smile back at him for it.

NiNi 

It's a grump and a simp.

Twig 

Yeah, Grump and Simp. Thank you. 

The next one is Q and Toey, played by Winny and Satang.

NiNi 

They first appeared in Fish Upon the Sky as well.

Ben 

They have a minor appearance together in Star in My Mind.

NiNi 

They were kind of pre-paired in Fish Upon the Sky. Like, there was like a thing, but it didn't actually turn into a thing.

Twig 

They first appeared as a firm couple with any real time on camera in My School President in 2022. That was a rivals-to-lovers storyline. In We Are, they've changed it up, which was actually quite refreshing, and the relationship between WinnySatang is a mentor-mentee relationship. It's Winny who's the grumpier character, and Satang plays a very actually happy-go-lucky outgoing character that is very different to their appearance in My School President, so it's interesting to see them do something different. 

Aou and Boom play Tan and Fang. They first appeared in…Enchanté? But I don't think they actually got together in Enchanté.

Ben 

I gotta be honest, I don't remember.

NiNi 

I do not remember anything about Enchanté.

[all laugh]

Twig 

I want to say it was mostly unrequited with a hint of them getting together at the end, but don't hold me to that. I really don't remember very well.

Ben 

I do know that we saw them properly together in Hidden Agenda.

Twig 

Before that they were very heavily shipped in Vice Versa. And I think they got, like, one, like, cheek kiss at the end of Vice Versa. And then Hidden Agenda, that was their first, the show where they were properly a couple. Now what do I remember about them in Hidden Agenda? [laughs] 

`Ben

Nothing!

Twig 

That show is so forgettable.

Ben 

They had an interesting thing in Hidden Agenda, because you had Aou playing a known closeted jock type character who really cared about his boyfriend but was incapable of coming out of the closet, and it caused real strain in their relationship.

Twig 

Yeah. So they had an extra lot of angst because they were an established couple but couldn't be seen together. Most of the time we saw them was about that, about the tension in their relationship.

NiNi 

The best thing that happened in Hidden Agenda, easily.

Twig 

Interestingly in We Are, they play a couple that, apparently in the book, was an established couple, but they rolled that back so we got to see them get together. The dynamic is a little flipped almost, where Aou plays the very heavy simping character, and Fang is just sort of bemused by his energy and into him, but not nearly as effusive.

NiNi 

It's a puppy-kitten dynamic.

Twig 

There you go, puppy-kitten. [laughs] 

And then the last couple, ChainPun, played by Mark and Poon. Poon had to come in very last minute to replace Mark's former branded pair partner, who he's been with since My Gear and Your Gown—which was 2020, so actually quite a long time. 

But I will say that Poon stepped in and did a great job blending with the whole group and I would say after watching the series I could not tell where they had to reshoot and fit stuff in. That was one thing that I think they handled really well.

14:37 – We Are: A Rorschach Test of a Show

Ben 

I'm just gonna transition us to the next part pretty awkwardly. I did not like this show, and I had to drop it after five weeks because it was pissing me off. Because the two of you finished this show—I want to hear about what was holding you into the show before I start picking at it. 

We'll start with you, NiNi, because you loved this show so much. This show...upheld your psyche for like four months. How? Why? Please!

NiNi 

[laughs] It did, it did. It's a combination of things. For me, it came at exactly the right time and hit exactly the right buttons in me, in terms of what I needed at the time. And even looking back on it now, even though I'm a little ways out of what I was going through at the time, I still find it quite comforting.

The two big parts of it that I really, really love. I love the way that the center of this show is about the friendship, it's about the multiple friend groups and how they become this one big friend group. This one group of silly boys who just enjoy each other's company so much and wanna spend all their time together. It's got this kind of a real time nostalgia element to it where I could see this show being somebody's reminiscence about a time in their life that they want to remember incredibly fondly. When they were young and they had this big group of friends and all they wanted to do is hang out with their friends and have a ton of fun. 

I described it when I was writing about the show while it was airing as giving me Hospital Playlist vibes. Hospital Playlist is a Korean drama about this group of friends who are all doctors working at the same hospital, and it's just about their lives, and them bringing people in, and them falling in love with people. I'm not saying that this is at the Hospital Playlist level, but it gave me the same energy, and Hospital Playlist is one of my favourite dramas of all time. So I enjoyed that aspect of it. 

The other aspect of it that I really enjoyed, this is part where I was talking about where they use the actors that you love to sort of pull you along until the story takes over from that. Tan and Fang, as Twig said, they get together during the show. And at first you don't understand why and how and what is even happening there. And then I think it's episode nine, so it’s just a little past the halfway mark of the show, that Tan tells his friends the story of him and Fang, how they met and how they got together. And it makes you understand everything that's gone before and everything that the show is trying to do in terms of how it's trying to organize itself. 

I had so many thoughts about it, like, is there another way that they could have done this to front load this? Like I said, it's more than halfway through the show and you have to get there. And if you don't, if the show is not pulling you along to that point, then you're not gonna get there. But, it changed everything. 

The show is fluffy, and it's sweet, and it's just very wholesome. And I really responded to it. Just talking about it now, I feel kind of a glow. I enjoyed it a whole lot. 

I'll save some of the other stuff for when we're actually talking about New Siwaj and how New Siwaj constructs shows and why this show worked for me in some ways that some other New Siwaj shows haven’t.

Ben 

I was gonna say, are we excusing a New Siwaj flashback to justify an Episode 5 reveal four episodes later all of a sudden? Please play the Double Savage recording, man in the booth.

NiNi 

No, no, no, no, no, that's entirely different. [Ben laughs]

And that's what I'm talking about when I say that how they actually used the actors, and the casting, and the branded pairs in this was actually a really smart use if that is how New wanted to do it. 

I appreciate New Siwaj as a creator. He pisses me off, but I appreciate him. One of the reasons that he pisses me off is that he has great narrative strengths in some ways. He also has a lot of respect for, like, the minutiae and the details of daily life and shenanigans between friends, which I appreciate, but I find interfere with his narratives when he's working on something that's narratively focused. 

To me, what happened here is that this was not at all narratively focused. What he did here is the same thing that he always does. It's a big group of friends just hangin’ out with each other, the minutiae of their daily life. But it's not interfering with a narrative that I wanna get back to. And so I can just sit in the vibe of it. To me, if New wants to write a narrative show, I want it to be narrative. And now I've realized that if New wants to sit in a vibe, he actually knows how to do it.

Ben 

Twig, you finished this show. Why?

Twig 

I finished it for two reasons. One, I'm a completionist. And so I finished it for the reason why I watch a lot of shows that I don't like. Spoiler: I didn't like this. [laughs] And that was so that I can understand what it did to the end and fit it into my internal understanding of what's happening with the genre at any given time.

I summed up both reasons in one thing. I spent a lot of the time watching the show trying to figure out what it was trying to do, why it wasn't working for me, and thinking about how it fits in in the wider context of what's happening in Thai BL. 

Ben 

We heard NiNi's reasons for why she loved it so much. Please detail for us why you had such a difficult time with it.

Twig 

NiNi alluded to it a little bit. This show is not narratively driven; there's no throughline, and that's the reason why I watch television, is for a story. The way that I watch shows is I'm paying attention to what characters are doing in the scene I'm watching, but I'm always thinking about how they connect to the scenes before, what that could mean for the future. And this show gave me nothing for my brain to grip onto. Scene to scene, things were happening that were fun to watch, but I couldn't enjoy them because I was thinking about how they didn't connect to the scenes before. And I was getting frustrated by that. And then I would get sort of bored because a scene in isolation isn't interesting to me. I ended up, like, spacing out a lot and then having to rewind, and then realizing after rewinding that nothing had actually happened, and I didn't have to rewind at all. [laughs] Didn't miss anything. 

So it was a really frustrating watch for me just because of the way my brain works and processes shows. The show takes place in—it's not just a BL bubble—I almost call it like a plot bubble. Almost nothing bad happens. And any conflict that does arise is resolved within an episode. I understand why that would be comforting and relaxing to some people, but for me, I found it very anxiety-inducing, because I was constantly thinking about,  why is nothing happening? What is going to come? And there was nothing to be worried about. I wouldn't say necessarily that my experience of the show is a reflection on the show, but it is about how and why I watch shows. This show was not for me. 

I do want to challenge NiNi's comparison to Hospital Playlist, because I also have seen and loved Hospital Playlist, and the reason why I loved that show and couldn't get into this show was because Hospital Playlist has a very clear throughline. And that was the main thing that was missing for me in this. The part where it took nine episodes to get to the backstory, I found frustrating. And the part that bothered me most about that was that the reveals weren't rewarding you for having paid attention to anything that happened before. It didn't feel like they connected to things we'd seen but didn't yet understand. It didn't feel like the show was grounded in a story that it was laying groundwork for. It was just leading to particular scenes. 

We were often told that this is why a character's reacting that way, but there was nothing previously that made me understand it or told me that it made sense. Like, we're told that Fang is a bad boyfriend because he isn't attentive or doesn't show affection for Tan, but I don't think we ever see that before they tell us that, other than in the episode where they tell us that that's a thing. We mostly see him just be really fond of Tan the whole time, so I was really confused by why suddenly he's apologizing for being a problem.

NiNi 

That's definitely, like, not where I went with that.

Twig 

And the Q and Toey conflict happens because Q is upset that Toey didn't tell him that he was his secret Post-It note buddy and his first love. We're told that Q was stressing over feeling conflicted about his feelings for the cafe Post-It Boy and Toey, and then it turns out they're the same person. But we didn't see any of that conflict in any of the episodes that came before. So his anger felt like it came out of nowhere. It was justified within the episode, but we hadn't laid any groundwork for it. 

That was sort of my experience the whole time. It felt like I was watching 16 specials of a show that I didn't see. So, I've always felt like I was missing context for whatever was happening, even though I'd watched the whole show. It was an uncomfortable watching experience.

NiNi 

Twig is actually correct about that thing. It's just, in terms of how we interpreted it, we interpreted it in two different directions. The show treats the audience like they're a member of the friend group and not an omniscient observer of any kind. As the characters learn things about each other and their backstories, that's the same time that the audience is learning it. So the show in that sense has, like, a little hint of immersion, doesn't give you hints before. If a character is gobsmacked, so are you. If a character is surprised by something happening, so are you. For me, that works, for Twig it doesn’t. And I completely understand.

The show is almost kind of like a Rorschach in that way. Like, it depends on what things about media you like, how you like to consume media, what are things that you enjoy that you don't enjoy in media. I like sitting in a vibe. The show is a vibe for me. Like I get to see people just kind of hang out and do their thing and be themselves.

I really responded to that. And so the lack of narrative drivers and groundwork laying and all those kinds of things that if it was a more narratively focused show that I would be looking for, once I started to feel the vibe that the show was going for, I was able to sit back and just soak in it and enjoy that part of it. 

Twig is quite correctly identifying what the show is doing. It's just that worked for me and it didn't work for her.

Twig 

Yeah, it just hit us both really differently. I think that's valid.

Ben 

The show did nothing! And for that, I despise it. [Twig laughs]

Here's the thing. There is so much BL to watch. The idea that I'm gonna spend nine weeks to figure out what the deal is with these boys is just not gonna happen for me. There's too much to fuckin’ watch. And there was no driving angst or drama to any of this. 

We mentioned Make It Right as the big pulp we love from New Siwaj. In that show, there is real drama with the boys’ relationships. Both of our major pairs of boys have very unfortunate first times that create a lot of confusion between them in their relationships that they have to work through while also dealing with the coming-of-age pains of being a teenage boy. 

And there was really just no drama for me to hang on to this. The only real thread that the show had early on was like...Pond’s character punking Phuwin’s character about demanding indentured servitude for inflicting medical expenses on him for kicking him in the nuts or some shit. I just found that to be deeply repellent because I don't find slavery narratives cute? Like, you must work for me or whatever shit. No, I do not find that as a fun way to turn stuff into romance. And I got deeply put off in episode five with Aou's character confessing to Boom's character, and Boom's character cutting off the confession. Because it felt like every time the show was coming close to an important core emotional reveal about a character, it intentionally interrupted the moment to avoid any sort of specificity—and winking at the audience to be like, you know what this is.

That may be fun for some people, but I found it boring, because it means that there's nothing specific about these characters to hang on to. That was the point where I just couldn't deal with this anymore. They took all the B- and C-list BL boys at GMMTV and dumped them in a 16-week, basically, hangout project of IG reels to fulfill a financial obligation to iQIYI. 

That's the thing I want to talk about here, too. This was not like a freemium product on YouTube. You had to pay money to watch this for like the first month and a half before they started rerunning it on YouTube. So people were paying premium dollars on iQIYI to watch, essentially, a show about just guys hanging out. I was bored by it because these guys weren't that interesting. The most interesting thing we had with any of the guys going on was Phuwin's character's angst about his art not measuring up to what he wanted it to be. That was about it. 

It was frustrating for me seeing so many people raving about this because there was really just so much of nothing here. It felt like the ideal kind of pocket gay. New usually has interesting things to say about the queer experience in one way, shape, or form. Even in the shows we've talked about on here that we didn't like, like A Boss and a Babe, had some interesting ideas about queer reality that I just did not feel from this show in the first five weeks. I put over five hours into a show that had nothing to say. That's more than enough. That's longer than a J-BL. 

It's fine as, like, background noise, I guess, but I need to care about something going on in the show if I'm gonna sit down and pay attention to it and invest my emotional energy into it. I can't marinate in a show like this. There's nothing to think about for me, and everything I did think about felt kind of insidious. Like, what's the point of these gays clumping in a world where there's no problems with being gay? The reason we clump is because we're ostracized, because we're the only people who will tolerate each other. Why does that occur in these situations where there is no reason for gay people to feel weird about being gay? That's one of the constant frustrations I've been having with these sort of bubble shows. I can't feel gay empathy and connection with these stories because some of the foundation is missing.

30:47 – We Are: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

I'm just very frustrated about this experience and what it means going forward, because this was probably super cheap to film and they probably turned a tidy profit on this. So that means there will be a lot more of this. And it's called Perfect Ten Liners, there will be 30 episodes of this. I'm looking forward to your report on that one, NiNi.

NiNi 

I think I'm only gonna watch one of those stories, actually. I see how there's a line from this to Perfect Ten Liners and it's also being done by New Siwaj. But for me, given GMMTV's now stated goal of, they're not tracking ratings, they're tracking socials, given what that means for how they're looking at some of their projects going forward, I don't think it's going to be everything that they do. But yes, they're gonna do more of these. And if they're gonna do more of these, I think as far as a template this is probably one of the better templates, ‘cause there are other ways that this could have gone. This one was balanced in a way that works. I don't think from what I've seen coming out of Perfect Ten Liners or so far it's going to be balanced in the same way. 

GMMTV is experimenting with the art commerce thing, sort of more leaning towards the commerce because that's what GMMTV is. I can't call them a CBS because they don't have that kind of thing, but they're like the CW, let's say, of Thai youth media. This is what you get from CW sometimes. If I didn't see other things coming both inside and outside of GMMTV, I would probably be more concerned, but for me there's so much out there right now. There's a ton of variety lately, I don't watch nearly as much as you two, and that's maybe part of the rest of it as well. For me, somebody who watches maybe 15 to 20 shows a year, it's just part of the constellation and it doesn't feel like a canary in the coal mine kind of thing, but that's just me.

Ben 

See, but the difficulty is we're seeing this in a lot of the shows, though. There's been this constant thing with not even just GMMTV, but they're sidestepping having to say things about gay shit in these shows. We talked about it in 23.5, we talked about it in Only Boo. The concern for me is, apparently, We Are the Series did really well. And GMMTV is brutal about what they're gonna fund. They're gonna fund the shit that's gonna make them money. If this sort of ungrounded fluff is what makes the money, that's what they're gonna make. 

The problem for me with fluff is I need to feel like the characters suffered to earn it. And there's not a sense that the fluff here is earned. There is a notion that is kind of romantic that, yeah, gay guys could just be just guys bein’ dudes. But mmph, did this feel weirdly alien while I was watching it. And I was really repulsed by it. That sucks because I like everybody involved. I just could not enjoy this at all and was deeply frustrated by it the entire time.

Twig 

To pick up something that you were saying, Ben, I think NiNi is right that the friendship as the core of the show is one of the better things about it, but one of the reasons why that wasn't enough for me is because I couldn't read this as found family because there was nothing for them to unite against? There was nothing for them to be there for each other about. There was no challenge to that friendship. They just ate a lot of barbecue and traveled a lot. I couldn't believe that they would last because they hadn't experienced anything to actually challenge that. You don't necessarily have to have it in the show. The show can be all fluffy, but if there's nothing even in the history to support that these guys have been through it together, then it's hard to know how they would respond to an actual problem.

NiNi 

So all that said, do we actually rate this because it's very clear that there's a dichotomy, not just within the group here talking about it now, but generally about the show. I'm not sure if a rating is useful. What do you guys think?

Ben 

In terms of where I always recommend from, I always rate on the, do I think people should watch this? Who do I think this show is for? I think I dropped this show at a 4 because I was really repulsed by it. I don't think that's fair reflective to the technical work that went into it, but for the type of reader that I think I'm trying to speak to, I can’t even  recommend this show at all. I found the whole experience rather empty. I don't go to TV to fill the show with my own, I'm smarter than the people who wrote this stuff or I will fill in the gap stuff. I don't like doing that in gay shows, so. I can't recommend this show. Not to the viewer I think I'm speaking to.

NiNi 

Twig, how about you?

Twig 

I don't always rate everything, so I really struggle to rate this. I'd probably put it at like a 6? I don't wanna take away from the fact that there are people who don't watch shows like I do who found this very comforting. Like you were saying, it's about what you're looking for in shows and how you watch them. 

But the part that's frustrating for me is that there was so much time we could have used to tell a story. [laughs] And so, I find it hard to forgive that. We don't actually get a lot of 16 episode hour-long shows, so it's hard for me to not begrudge the time.

NiNi

Obviously, I enjoyed this a lot more than you guys did, but I have two different ratings for it, actually. On terms of the enjoyability of it for me, it's hovering somewhere around like an 8.5, 9. But on the technical merits of the show, I would probably max it out at a 7.

Twig 

If I was going by my enjoyment, it would be a 4. [laughs] It was honestly painful for me to watch this.

NiNi 

That's valid, friend, that's valid. Two out of three means that it's not a recommend from The Conversation.

Ben 

I don't think we need to give it a harsh number rating, but legit, what's the angst of this show? What's the story? What are the drama here? I don't know, if you don't feel like swiping IG, put this on instead.

38:21 – Knock Knock, Boys!

NiNi 

Let's move on to the next pulp that we're going to discuss here. Knock Knock, Boys! by WeTV. 

Ben, what's Knock Knock, Boys! about?

Ben 

Knock Knock, Boys! is about four men who move into cheap housing because they're all running away from something in their lives. Together they form one of the more effective friend groups we've seen in a long time and pair off into two really satisfying relationships to follow for a solid eight episodes. 

We get in this show a really good presentation of age gap friendships amongst queer people. I really liked that we got to see developing relationships between young people alongside developing relationships between working people. We also got in this show a really great examination about how you love someone out of the closet. And for that, I will be forever grateful. 

I liked this show a lot, comparatively to the last one. This show also had a lot of our faves in it, and they showed up to work!

NiNi 

New faves and some classic ones, one of the classic faves being Seng Wichai who is well-loved on this podcast. Okay.

Twig 

Can we talk about Best? Because Best has been in the biz since 2017. He was in I Am Your King where he got to kiss Mark Siwat. I'm always so happy to see his face and I think this was by far his best role. It's really nice to see him in a role that can highlight his skills.

NiNi 

We talked a little bit about the overarching theme of it, but let's get into the details. The show has got, like we said, these four guys, they split off into two couples. Almond and Latte, who are in university, and Peak and Thanwa, who are just entering the working world. The way that these two pairs embody the angst of those two stages of life is really interesting.

Ben 

I think the difference between the last show and this show. During the last show we're mostly angsting about whether or not it's okay to like a show that's basically a glorified IG reel. This show has a plot and all of its characters have something going on with them. They have a clear want or desire. 

We've got Latte who is an amorous pansexual man who's having a great time in college. Too great of a time, in fact. One of his professors says if your ass is late anymore for my fuckin’ classes, you will not graduate. So he has to move closer to school because he's taking too long to get out of bed from one of his conquests to make it to class on time. Almond is finally out from under the maybe-too-sheltering thumb of his mother. And he is lying about his lodgings because he wants to live amongst the poors [laughs] instead of the security guard, ultra safe system that his mom wants him to live in. Thanwa is leaving a not great relationship with another man, and Peak appears to be running from compulsory heteronormativity. 

What's really interesting is when these guys are breaking the ice, they're telling each other truthful things, but they're also holding back in a way that felt really earnest. I find a lot of times in these shows, because they need to exposit things to the audience, these shows tend to have characters overshare with each other in a way that doesn't feel real. I thought this show did a great job of giving the audience the information we needed about why these guys were in the situation they were in, but giving the kind of polite answers that real people give each other about their situations. 

They needed a way to get these guys to start working together. So they create this conceit in which Almond really wants to hook up with this boy named Jumper, played by Pak Varayu. I totally understand why. He promises a year's worth of rent to whoever helps him score with Jumper. Hijinks ensue as the other three boys start trying to befriend Jumper and create scenarios for Almond to spend time with him so that they can get together. In the process of befriending Jumper, who we realize has a boyfriend already, Latte develops feelings for Almond and Thanwa and Peak end up growing closer together as well.

We follow Latte’s complex journey he has with people misunderstanding who he is as a pansexual person. Almond being an enthusiastic virgin who's very amped to explore his body and what he finds pleasurable. Thanwa is struggling with the thing we all struggle with in our 20s: Do we wanna do the job that's the thing we dream about doing or do we take the safe option, and what does that say about the other aspects of his life? And then Peak is deeply closeted because he doesn't want to let down his father. These are all really interesting threads to follow, and the show doesn't ever really forget where the characters are and what their experiences reflect in the way they respond to scenarios that arise. We get this great evolution of relationships over time.

One of the things that I thought the show did really well—I kind of want Twig to talk about this part a little bit more—is we get Almond's initial crush on Jumper, and then the show breaks that crush by systematically making Almond recognize that maybe Jumper is not who he wants to be with.

Twig 

I loved that sequence so much. Almond has a crush on Jumper and his new roommates are creating circumstances to bring them closer together in order to win rent for a year. That culminates in more and more situations where Almond and Jumper are in the room together and it's awkward. [laughs] Almond doesn't really know what to say, or Latte's with him and Latte and Jumper have more in common than Almond and Jumper do. It was very subtle moments, Almond's crush being whittled away at. 

And the party which they have at their house results in everybody getting really drunk, Jumper gets really drunk because the roommates are helping to make him drunk so that he'll be more receptive to Almond, and Almond is also being made drunk so that he'll be a little bit more relaxed. Jumper ends up getting so drunk that he gets really sick. We see this in so many shows where someone will get really drunk and then have a moment where they break and make out or have sex or confess or whatever, and what I love about the way they do that in Knock, Knock Boys! is that being really drunk is not sexy. It is not romantic. It is gross and it is unpleasant. And Almond dealing with disgruntled, loud, annoying, unwieldy Jumper and then a really gross Jumper when he vomits all over everywhere. And then he shits himself! Oh, it was so good. 

You could see the moment on Almond's face where the pedestal that Jumper had been on in his mind just collapsed and he realized, oh, this is a human being that I've been into and he's a gross human being, who vomits and shits and smells really bad right now and is actually [laughs] the opposite of attractive. So they help Jumper clean up and then Almond has to sit with his new realization and process his emotions.

Ben

NiNi, you're a big fan of Seng Wichai. I would like for you to unpack his character, Thanwa, and the work he did in this show.

NiNi 

Seng plays Thanwa and Thanwa is the mom friend. Thanwa is the one who takes care of everybody. He feeds the group, he guides them a little bit. And when he meets up with Peak, Peak basically is zoned out and also eats like an animal. Thanwa is a foodie, food lover, really into food and cooking and so he decides he's gonna teach Peak how to really enjoy and savour food. And that's how they bond. 

Thanwa himself is a complicated character. He's got this sadness to him, and Seng Wichai always plays these weird, cringey characters with an undercurrent of sadness to them very well. Thanwa is probably the least weird, cringey character he's ever played, but it's still got that undercurrent of sadness and melancholy. It makes you wonder, oh, what has this character been through? Why is this the way that he is? And over the course of the show, you get to see some of what he's running from, what is making him sad, and Seng plays every beat to me perfectly.

When things start to change with Peak, you see the sadness because Peak can't, in his mind, get all the way there in terms of how he feels about Thanwa. You can see that makes Thanwa really, really sad as much as he likes Peak and he enjoys his company and he is falling for Peak. It's a great little dynamic and Seng plays every nuance of this character so well. He understands Peak and what Peak can and can't give him. And when he decides that he's going to give Peak grace and support for whatever it is that he wants to do, because at this point it's not just about their relationship, it's about Peak's life, there's joy in there, but there's also sorrow. 

It's a great character for Seng and I am very glad to see him in this. Every character I've seen Seng play at this point has been great. The boy can pick ‘em. I will say that much.

Ben 

I think it's really notable that in the genre that's always using food as love, the not-so-subtle thing is Thanwa is literally teaching Peak how to experience pleasure, because it's clear that the boy does not when they first meet him.

48:39 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Sex Positivity

Ben

This was probably the most sex positive show we've watched this entire year. This show, through almost every single beat that it wanted to follow, had positive things to say about people's sexual relationships with each other, no matter how messy they got. 

Early on, we get this instance where Peak is fairly certain that he made out with one of the roommates the very first night he stumbled into the house. And at first he's not sure if it's Latte or Thanwa, because Latte's kind of a flirt. We get this eventual resolution where he realized it was Thanwa and apologizes for kissing Thanwa like that, and then asks if he can kiss him again properly. This is probably the point where I sat up and was like, hold on, this show might be actually serious about some of its ideas. Because that sequence when they were in the closet during the party was so pointed—particularly when Jane shows up the next morning and opens the door on them and they fall out. 

Twig

Yes!

Ben

Really excellent stuff.

There's another great bit that comes up. So, they have this friend, Lukpeach, who's a great character. I really love the new class of girl friend in BL who's doing supportive in a really fun way. It's the next evolution of the fag hag that we've gotten that I'm kind of into. I really like the way Lukpeach was constantly about supporting all of the gays around her so that she could write her stories about them. 

They have this sex ed club where they're talking about gender and sexual identity, safe sex practices, respecting people's privacy. So we get this whole bit where they're having a conversation about “don't record people without their consent, and especially don't create revenge porn about people by posting them without their consent.” And it feels like Almond's not really paying attention during that moment. And he has this moment where he realizes who Jumper actually wants to be with, that he's not actually available, and Almond's disappointed about this. This is right around the same time that someone records Jumper with Sean and then posts it. And there's this brief moment where the show leads the audience to suspect that Almond may have recorded Jumper and Sean in the shower and posted it online. They reflect this by having Latte turn on Almond and briefly think that Almond could have done that. 

This becomes a fault line between Almond and Latte, and then a huge line between Jumper and Almond, because this show plays the consequences of outing very seriously. Because of the video posted about Jumper, he is kicked off of the school's football team. He gets outed to his family and he was not trying to come out to them at all because he did not know how they were gonna react to that. Jumper confronts Almond about this, because he had ample reason to believe that Almond was there, and he's pissed at him. He's like, “I thought you were my friend. How could you do this to me?” 

It takes the Scooby Gang a really long time to suss out who was the actual culprit behind this. And there are social consequences for Almond for a while over this, where a significant portion of the student body is one, being super nasty to Jumper, but also simultaneously shaming Almond for doing that to his friend—or so they think. They end up revealing that it was Thanwa's ex who's been the one walking around recording people, and then they send his ass to jail. 

This was a really excellently handled plot. I like that the way the consequences played out across all of this happened in a believable way and was taken super seriously.

NiNi 

Because the plot line reverberates out, there are repercussions for Almond and Latte and there are repercussions for Peak and Thanwa. Almond at this point is kind of depressed, he's sad, so Latte tries to take him on a trip that leads to some new wrinkles and complications in their relationship. 

There was stuff going on with Peak and Thanwa, that when it became known to them that Thanwa's ex, who he had briefly moved back in with because of everything that was going on with Peak, that he had done it, something that happened in that moment of discovering that. This led to reverberations in Peak and his relationship. 

How the events reverberate and impact the group as a whole and then the individuals and the couples within it, I think it's actually constructed quite well for a show that clearly didn't have a lot of budget, didn't have a high production value or anything like that. They used their narrative time and they used their budget well, they built a story that worked for the time that they had, for the talent that they had, for the everything that they had.

Twig 

One of the things that I think might pass an international audience by, but really struck me as super important was the depiction of sex toys. Sex toys are illegal in Thailand, they're punishable by, I think it's, like, two years in prison if you're caught selling them, and owning them is also not legal. And so depicting sex toys on screen, it's actually quite a radical act for Thai television. To encourage the use of sex toys is also a pretty politically strong statement for Thai TV, so I just wanted to call that out as a really impactful thing that the show did, and I think did really well. It did a really great job of showing someone in Almond who had never seen a sex toy and was immediately fascinated and distracted. [laughs]

NiNi 

The way he stared at it. He could not believe this thing. He was just kind of mouth open looking at it like he couldn't even focus.

Twig 

Boy was thirsty.

Ben 

That boy skipped home. He's like, I got my first dildo and I can't wait to use it! [Ben and Twig laugh]

Twig 

And we got to see him experiment with his sexuality that way and to play with the sex toy a little bit and I thought that was an amazing thing to include in a show in any context, but particularly in a Thai television context.

One of the things that was a fun thing in any show but was a particularly political move in this show was Latte taking Lukpeach to the sex toy shop because they could have been arrested if they had been caught together going there. In context of where I am in Canada that wouldn't have really struck me as anything other than kind of a fun cute thing to do with a friend, and it speaks to a certain level of comfort and sex positivity but, it’s politically charged in a way in Thailand that you might not necessarily be aware of.

Ben 

I think it's important to point that out, because this show had an 18-plus rating and it's because they talked about sex the way they did. They actually didn't depict that much sexual content on screen.

55:51 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Our Fab Four (and Jane)

Ben

Speaking of, like, depicting the complex situations around sex, you mentioned the beach trip they go on. One of the better beach episodes we've had from the genre in a long time, because there's a lot of needing to unpack from some difficult things and big reveals about the characters that come out of that one. That's the first real moment where Latte and Almond physically acknowledge the attraction that's been building between them for multiple episodes at that point. 

They end up in a complex makeout that could have turned into sex, that then stops, that I think really sets the stage for the rest of what develops and makes Latte one of my favorite characters we've gotten this year. He was so patient with Almond and was always capable of meeting Almond emotionally where he was. Almond took a while to get comfortable with actually doing sexual stuff. And even though Latte made it clear he was ready and down and wanting, he was able to communicate that in a way that didn't feel like he was pushing Almond beyond his comfort zone. Which lets us later get these great I wanna have my first time conversations with both Peak and Thanwa where we get to let them give him useful advice. 

I really love the way these boys consistently rallied for each other when some shit was goin’ down. When one of them was having problems, they were really concerned about them and wanted to find a way to help them out. That was just really lovely. We know these boys have each other's backs, ‘cause they went through some real shit together.

Twig 

Latte was on it, being able lie to Almond's mother immediately.

NiNi 

It wasn't even a question. He's like, “Okay, we lyin’ to mom? I'll help.” Right up until they got caught. And then he was just like, well, you're gonna have to tell her what's going on. 

I wanna talk about the Peak arc coming towards the end and Peak and Jane and how all of that played out.

Ben 

Jane was a great character. We learned that the reason why Peak is so stressed all the time is his mom died and this sort of brings an end to this really loving, idyllic family that he had. His dad becomes cold in his grief and is constantly kind of hovering. Peak is struggling himself, he can't perform the way he used to about school and work and all of these things. He basically sort of closes himself off trying to be this ideal son for his dad. And so when his dad eventually tries to arrange a marriage for him with a family friend that's maybe financially beholden to them, he doesn't really say no to this because he doesn't wanna let his dad down. But he also can't hide from who he is, and so he just runs. 

Jane eventually finds him, and she tries to be patient with him. Like, she clearly knows his deal, tries to help him with Thanwa, but she won't say for him what he needs to say for himself, which I thought was really fascinating. Once he gets caught by his dad, he goes back with his dad and finally, after so many times that he should have said the damn thing, finally says to his dad what he needs to say about who he is. And we get this really great apology from his dad. 

What's so fascinating about Best’s performance in this is I think a lot of people conflated Best playing Peak as kind of spacey with his Love By Chance guest role. And I think that was maybe a little unfair because he was just doing a bit for that character as a very, very, very tiny role. But here, Peak spacing out is basically pain management. He can't stay present in the moment because he's suffering so much, which is, I think, one of the parts of the show that is understated, but in a way that I think is really good.

When I talk about being able to connect to the queer angst of a character, I can see how much Peak is suffering the whole time. That is most evidenced by the way he transforms as soon as everything is out in the open. The last episode and a half of Peak is like watching a completely different character because he's not burdened by the expectation anymore. You can see how quickly he becomes the boyfriend he's been wanting to be this whole time. 

And truly, Thanwa won because man, he put in real patience and effort with that man and he got what he wanted. Good for him!

Twig 

That whole arc is one of my favorite things in this show and I think the thing that is gonna linger with me most. One of the things that I really love about it is how carefully written it is. When Peak is earlier in the show being so frustrating—I mean the audience is frustrated, his housemates are frustrated, Thanwa is frustrated, Jane is so frustrated. The way that people relate to or respond to him differs depending on whether or not they know what's going on. And as soon as what's going on with him is revealed, that frustration shifts. Thanwa is still frustrated but so much more willing to give him space and time to figure himself out once he knows what he's figuring out, that it's not just about Peak holding back, it’s about his relationship with his father, he was so much more willing and able to wait. 

Almond and Latte similarly feel like they're sidestepping around Peak when they don't really understand what's going on with him, and then as soon as they do, they're ready to show up for him. They arrange to drive Thanwa to Peak at his dad's house so that they can be there to support him when he's ready to come out just to be there in case he needs them. I thought that was so beautiful. And then when Peak again does come out and shifts, the way that all of the characters respond to his changes. It’s also very organic and fluid and feels very natural. It was just so well done and felt really well thought out.

Ben

When we say the show is really sex positive, part of sex positivity is understanding that boundaries aren't bad. They're about establishing communication and understanding how your behaviors impact each other. 

Almond is running away from his mom kind of sheltering him too much. And when he finally expresses this to her clearly, she takes that in and apologizes for overstepping and maybe smothering him too much. So when they're like, “All right, now that we've gotten that resolved, we need to go save Peak.” And mom's like, “Can I come?” “No, mom, you can't come.” She goes, “Oh, okay.” And she doesn't push back. She's like, “Okay, well, I understand. I'll pay for your lodgings and your transportation." They play this for mild comedy, but this is actually really good. Mom does have a tendency to get over-involved, and they don't want her jumping into their guy problems here, but they don't want her to not be involved per se. They give her a way to feel like she's helping because she's got all this money. 

It's the same thing with Peak when he finally comes out properly to his father. His father apologizes for the conditions he created for Peak and tries to take steps to rectify that. That's actually a really special thing. Everyone loved Peak enough to wait for him to make the choice himself. We have so many stories about gay people being outed against their will and having to suffer the consequences of that. That happens in this show, too! I really love this show giving us the other end of that, where nobody outed Peak, even though we were all running to shake that man, they let him do it on his terms. And he had a good experience with it when he finally did it. And he says it's the fact that everybody loved him so much that he felt like it was wrong to keep running at that point. That's finally what made him come out on his own terms. That's the big point. You have to come out for yourself, for it to be meaningful and for you to have the courage and fortitude to be out and live out. 

This show was excellent and I loved all of these boys and their friends and especially Jane. My God, I love Jane. And she was gay! Good for us.

NiNi 

That actually annoyed me a little as why the show didn't get a 10 for me, because I thought they were entirely too cute about withholding the lavender part of that lavender marriage. 

Ben 

Oh, I sensed it the whole time. I was just waiting for them to confirm it.

NiNi 

It would be the one thing if they withheld it but they misdirected on it, and this was in the translations and the subtitles which is why it annoyed me. I know that the word that they're using in Thai is a gender neutral word but in terms of the subtitles, they are not using a gender neutral word. It felt like an unnecessary misdirect for me. That's probably, like, my only little quibble about it. And it's really a translation thing and not anything to do with the show as presented. So, eh, I'm fine. I just had to get it out.

We talked about Seng and Best and I want to give some love to Nokia and Jaonine because I don't think anybody could have done Almond and Latte as good as Nokia and Jaonine. I have some real appreciation for these two boys' talents.

Ben 

I wanna go to Twig because this is not our first time with Nokia. I did not watch all of Thank God It's Friday. Was Nokia this good at physical comedy in 2017 or ‘19?

Twig 

The short answer is no, he was not. I remember him in that show as standing out as one of the ones who can act. Thank God it's Friday, for context, was a show full of a lot of boys who had never acted in anything before and they weren't given a lot to do and it was a little bit rough to watch. [laughs] I remember him being one of the few who looked like he might have somewhere to go from there. So I was really glad to see him again, but he's definitely improved.

Ben 

I thought Nokia was so good at the physical comedy of playing Almond. Like, I really just loved watching that boy move around and react to literally everything that was happening. He felt so present in every scene he was in. Best and Seng are really good at that too. And it was nice to see a newer performer, for us at least, be able to match that energy. 

Jaonine was really charming as Latte. It was really fun to watch an actor play a guy who looked so comfortable in his own skin. All these guys are super tense about something going on. Peak’s fighting the closet he's in. Thanwa is struggling against normie expectations the whole time, and Almond just wants to get fucked so bad. It was so refreshing to see a character in Latte played by Jaonine that was very much not as stressed out as the rest of them.

Twig 

And he owned his sexuality in a way that was really refreshing, too. I love his refrain of, “I'm bisexual, but I'm still choosy. I don't do sleep with anyone, excuse you.” [laughs] And I think this is something that you actually have mentioned, Ben, in your thoughts on the show. I just love how he leaves all of his past relationships or interactions positively it seems like. So he keeps running into people who he's had sex with in the past and everyone's just happy to see him.[laughs] It was really refreshing to see people who have a very active sex life and have that be a positive thing in their life rather than a negative thing.

NiNi 

I just wanted to pick up on something that you said earlier about the fact that Latte is probably the only character who's not stressed and you enjoy watching that relaxation that Jaonine plays through the character. But when Latte does get stressed, I think Jaonine is also very good at making that feel uncomfortable. Like, Latte is not comfortable with the idea of being stressed out by things, that's not the life that he wants to live. And you can see the tension in his body and how it feels unnatural. I thought he was actually really really good at that aspect of this character.

Ben 

We got so lucky that we got such a talented cast here. Even in, like, the first episode or so, there was this weird flirty energy between Thanwa and Latte, and Twig and I were like, [laughs] are they gonna do it? Please let them fuck, we need to let this happen. 

Twig 

I'm still a little sad they didn't.

Ben 

Sincerely, the point at which I realized this show was gonna be something else was, Latte was living in the house alone first, and was throwing parties and shit and leaving a mess. He's not thinking about the fact that he has a new roommate that moved in and they left a fucking mess. And he felt bad about that, helped clean up a little bit and assured Thanwa that that would not happen anymore. And it doesn't! In so many other stories, his inability to stop partying would be a big part of his character. And it just isn't here. He is constantly capable of respecting other people's space and boundaries. He recognized that he had maybe overstepped with Thanwa, rectified that, and then corrected the behavior. It's a small thing really early in the show. But that was when I was like, this show might actually be on to something. There's a lot of people I like here and they seem to know what they're saying.

01:09:58 – Knock Knock, Boys!: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

I was really relieved to genuinely enjoy the whole ride of this show. It was so refreshing to have a show that was solid, for the most part, the whole way through where we could follow where the show wanted us to go. There were some missteps where I think some batons didn't pass as smoothly as they needed to, but I had such a great time following this. This was a really robust experience with really memorable characters and performances.

Twig 

At a time when shows so often write boundary violations as romantic, it's just so refreshing to have a show depict boundaries as healthy and respected and positive things.

Ben 

Before we go, we have to talk about Almond and Latte having the perfect first time.

Twig 

Yes!

NiNi

It was so good. [all laugh]

Twig 

Best sex scene of the year.

Ben 

I have spoken at least once or twice on this show about a Mexican film called Quatro Lunas—you've probably seen it, Twig—that has a first time sex scene between two teenagers that is just as awkward as this one. [Twig laughs] And this sits up there.

I really liked how real that felt. It's Almond's first time. The boy’s clearly thought way too much about sex. He cannot relax. They can't really get into anything. It doesn't matter how experienced or good at sex Latte might be, until Almond relaxes they're not gonna be able to do anything. And I like that it's after they give up on trying to make it happen that that's when things click. Whatever happens after we fade away from them, Latte clearly had a good enough time that he was like, “Let's try that again” the next day, which is also capped off by Thanwa and Peak clearly post-coitus coming down to check on them and asking plainly, “Did you have a good time? Give us the review of Captain Dick here.” [laughs] And he says, “We had a really good time.” 

I really liked that even as part of the expansion of healthy sexual boundaries, they're still giving Almond the space to talk about these sort of things in a way that's comfortable for him. Like, you can tell your friends that you had a really positive intimate experience with someone really important to you. And it gives you the space to be able to tell them maybe if you didn't. I feel so secure about how those boys are gonna be because they're not gonna be isolated and alone whenever they run into any sort of difficulties. They have people who they can talk to about real shit.

I love this show so much. Oh my God.

NiNi 

Well, that said, let's rate it. Twig, what’s your rating for Knock, Knock Boys?

Twig 

I gave it a solid 9. I think it had something very clear to say and it said it really, really well. It wasn't a perfect execution, but it was really fun and it overall was a solid effort and I'm definitely gonna return to it. I loved it.

NiNi 

Ben, how about you?

Ben

It's also a 9. There are a couple of emotional beats that I don't think land correctly or at the very least did not translate well for me. And I think certain plot lines got closed off in a way that was a little too pat. But I respect what the show is going for with those moments. This show is really excellent and you really should watch it, but it is not, like, a greatest of all time show.

NiNi 

I also give this show a 9. I enjoyed a lot about it and my quibbles are minor. And I really loved all the performances. Great job, team!

Ben 

This is like a 9+ from The Conversation. Sincerely, do yourself a favor and watch this one. We've complained a lot about Thai BL just really not putting together a complete show. We've got one here and you deserve to watch this. 

In fact, I think one of the big things about the show is that in the first episode we commented this felt more like a romcom and not a BL. And the show said that in the mouth of one of the characters writing about the world, that they wanted it to be more rom-com than the baseline expectations of BL. I really hope this is a sign for the future of what we are capable of making out of this genre, because this was so enjoyable. I was about to give up on watching Thai shows before I started watching this one. I've been strugglin’ out here. It's been hard in these streets.

01:14:54 – Importance of Pulps as Labs

NiNi 

Okay, so all that said, what do we think that these two shows leave us thinking about pulps and the role of pulps in sort of the BL ecosystem?

Ben 

Man, it's just so much easier to talk about a pulp when it has something to say that's interesting. And you can talk about how what the characters do and say reflects the themes that the show cares about. Like, we're talking about whether or not empty fluff is fine in We Are, but we're talking about the actual themes and characters and choices that were made in Knock, Knock Boys! That's such a huge difference, and this is what we mean when we say like there's this huge range in pulps. You don't have to only like the show one way for you to get a lot from it. 

And that's what I like to see out of these sort of scrappier productions. You really wanna see people with a good story to tell that has a strong thematic core and is able to express that through all of the viewpoints that it has in its story. Like the villain of Knock, Knock Boys! is well calibrated for the themes of Knock, Knock Boys! That's actually really good writing.

NiNi 

Twig, what about you, any thoughts?

Twig 

I think at the end of the day, whether something is a pulp or not is not a good indication of whether it has something interesting to say, whether it's a fun watch, whether it holds together, whether there's a good story. So take the word pulp for what it means and not for what it doesn't. It doesn't actually tell you anything about whether or not you like the show, I think, unless you have very specific taste. [laughs]

NiNi 

I don't watch a lot of the pulps, like a lot of the classic Thai BL pulps are shows that I've never seen. One of the things that I enjoy about these two shows is that they give me some experimentation in two different directions. They are the producers trying something out, pulps are like a lab in that way. The pulp format allows creators to experiment with ideas. Some work, some don't. It allows them to experiment with actors in some cases, and that can be good and that can be not so good, it allows them to just sort of see what's going to work without spending a ton of money. And for that, I can't ever truly knock them. There are not a lot of them that I enjoy personally, but I think that they have an important role to play in the ecosystem of the genre.

Twig 

That's one of the reasons why I always try and watch them all, or at least as many of them as I can. I am always really interested in what people can only say in a pulp that they couldn't say in a show that's made by a major production company. 

I've had some good conversations lately with Shan about City of Stars, a pulp that had some really interesting things to say about being famous and being gay and being in a ship and how those things can and can't exist at the same time in Thai popular culture. Just comparing that to how the same themes are handled in shows by major production companies, you guys talked about it in the Only Boo episode, about how there's only so much that a company that makes money off of selling ships can say about ship culture, whereas a smaller production company is more free to criticize fans. That's the kind of thing that I'm listening for when I watch pulps, is like, what are the things that they could say and do that they can only do because they're under less of a microscope?

NiNi 

The scrappy upstarts that could. So, that is going to wrap us up on “Guys Being Dudes,” which is what I'm gonna call this episode.

Ben 

Absolutely the fuck not! [Ben and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

It's gonna be called Pulpmania. So that's gonna wrap us up on our Pulpmania episode and with that, we out. 

Say bye to the people, Twig.

Twig 

Bye! Thanks for having me again.

NiNi 

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben 

Peace!

[genderqueerdykes]

hi hello Equinox! I've been looking into the possibility of having hEDS myself and was wondering if y'all could talk about some of your experiences with it? only if you're comfortable of course very not forced lol :D

hey, sure! i hope some of this will be helpful to you!

an ex pointed out that i might have had it back in ~2020. he commented on how velvety smooth my skin is (i do not moisturize all over, it's just like this) along with how stretchy it is, and how flexible some of my joints are. i was not able to confirm it for a while until 2023 when i started going to physical therapy for my lower back. there, both in the intake and when i was doing exercises, my therapists all asked me if i had hEDS, due to how fair i can stretch, and how i naturally over extend my knees without realizing it. it lead me to laugh and say, "Well, I guess I do!"

i've always been more flexible than most people around me, even for someone who's 320 lbs, i am still more flexible than most people i know. when i was in high school, there were some flexibility tests that our entire PE class had to do, and i was the one who could stretch the farthest, even though i was 300 lbs even at that stage in my life. as i got older, i realized it's extremely easy to injure myself on accident and that that's NOT normal. i don't and have never cracked my knuckles on purpose because all it does is shift my knuckles out of place

it's very easy for me to pinch nerves and muscles between my joints, even when i'm being careful. sometimes it happens in my sleep or even while i'm just sitting stock still. i actually have a pinched nerve in my forearm right now from a wrist injury that has never healed properly. speaking of that, with it being super easy to injure myself, sometimes, i don't recover from those injuries for a long time, or at all. i got a microfracture in my left forearm from punching an object out of rage while being emotionally abused by someone in January of 2024 and it is nearly January of 2025 and it is not healed at all. i'm in PT for it right now and it's getting somewhat better, but not by much

wound healing is a mixed bag for me, sometimes i'm alright with it but generally it takes a long time and i'm very prone to scarring. even relatively light cuts can cause a scar. my teeth are also very weak because of this. the connective tissue that should keep them rooted in place in my gums is weak, and i've lost 2 teeth so far because of it. i still do my best to brush my teeth, but i just have naturally weak connective tissue that isn't able to protect my teeth from infections as well as others. i've had VERY bad dental pain and have gotten lots of infections in my teeth over the years, to the point of needing antibiotics several times

if i think of anything else, i'll let you know! if you have any more questions, i'm happy to answer whatever i can! good luck in your journey, fortunately it's generally pretty easy for medical professionals to tell if you have hEDS or not- they'll generally ask you to do some very light stretches (sometimes even just seeing how far your fingers bend/extend) and can tell pretty easily just by looking at how your joints bend and behave. take care of yourself for now!

[wintvies]

reviewing my lip products 🪽

since the year is coming to an end, i wanted to review all of my lippies that i’ve used this year, and evaluate if i’ll repurchase some of them next year, or if i’ll leave some of these behind in 2024 ৻ꪆ

nyx fat oil lip drip

definitely one of my favourite products of the year! it has a very nice formula and moisturises my lips very nicely! i recommended this to many people already/gifted this lip oil, and everyone only has good things to say about it. i also really like the applicator, because it just feels very satisfying to me. 🌝 you do have to reapply this every few hours, but it’s still a very good lip oil imo, and it also gets bonus points for the affordable price. 9.5/10

essence extreme shine volume lipgloss

it’s a pretty good lipgloss. for me personally, this is what got me into makeup, so i would definitely recommend this if you’re just starting out! it’s also very affordable and the shades are pretty too. but, it’s really sticky. 😭 one blow of the wind and that lipgloss will be holding your hair strands hostage. 7/10

nyx slick click

imo it's a pretty solid glossy lip balm. the packaging is very compact, but since the packaging has a click-pen design, it gets really difficult to get some of the lip balm out, when the tube is almost empty. other than that, it's pretty good. it moisturises your lips well, and since this product is a lip balm, it's not too sticky either. it lasts for a few hours, but if you eat/drink anything, you'd definitely have to reapply it. but since the package only contains 2g, and costs 10 euros i probably wouldn't repurchase this. 5.8/10.

maybelline color sensational lipstick

i think this is a good everyday lipstick! it has a pretty lightweight and creamy formula, which i really liked, and it stays on for about four hours. the lipstick has a good amount of pigment, and all around, it's pretty solid. if this ran out, i'd probably repurchase it, since it's a nice staple to have in my makeup bag. 💖 6.8/10.

kiko velvet passion matte lipstick

this lipstick is a little similar to the previous one, since they both have lightweight formulas. but, while the maybelline one has a little bit of a glossy effect, this one is completely matte. as for the formula/texture, i really liked the texture of this lipstick! it feels very soft and velvety, and it's really satisfying to apply it imo. my only issue with this lipstick is that it really emphasized the texture of my lips by the four hour mark, and sometimes it also dried my lips out a little. other than that, it's nice, and i think i'd repurchase it! 7/10

essence what a tint!

it's a pretty good tint. i saw a couple of people saying about how it was better than benetint, but i can't really give you my opinion on that, since i'm too broke for benetint! 💖 as for the color, it was wayyy to pink for me. 😭 like it was HOT pink. neon marker pink. idk, i think that color def suits some people, but it most definitely is NOT my color!! but on a positive note, it is strong. it will not move once you put it on. i put a little bit of it on my hand to test it out again, and it didn't move AT ALL for around three to four days. in conclusion, it's a good product, just not for me! 5/10.

nyx butter gloss

I LITERALLY LVOE THIS PRODUCT SO MCUH!!!!!!!!!!! it is truly one of my favorite lip glosses of all time and i do NOT care that i bought it not too long ago. the shades are really pretty, and there's a large variety of shades too (32 to be exact). also, the texture is very good, imo. the lip gloss just feels so smooth, and it isn't really sticky either, unlike some other glosses. i also really liked the fragrance, which is surprising, since i usually don't like how lip glosses smell. the only cons i can think of is that it needs to be reapplied often, especially after eating. other than that, the nyx butter gloss is literally so amazing, especially for the affordable price. i would literally buy a bazillion of these if i could. 10/10.

[sicdios]

General

Full Name — Baishō Omi [ Omi Baishō ]

Alias — Mimi [ The butterfly ''triplets'' mostly call him Mimi ] ,, Star eyes [ Inosuke ] ,, Shi-Shi [ Gets called that by Nezuko ]

Age — 19

Orientation — Apothisexual , Biromantic [ Male Leaning ] , Demiromantic

Gender + Prns — Trans [ FtM ] + He/Him

Terms — Masc Terms

Status — Alive

Breathing Style — Breath of Famine [ It is somewhat similar to Shinobu’s technique, with poisons and much as more with also poisons that causes demons hallucinations and such ]

Affiliation — Demon Hunters, Works in the Butterfly mansion aswell

Rank — Kinoto

Personality

Personality — He is more of a closed off and seemingly tired at times. He doesnt really like to speak to people besides, people at the butterfly mansion, the Kamaboko squad, and Himejima Gyōmei. He does try at times to open up to some people but it tends to just be him ending up being a grump from the person just talking to much and overstimulating him to where his anger issues just kind of get to the breaking point.

Likes — Cats, Butterflies, Spikey objects, Kochō Shinobu, Himejima Gyōmei, Himejima’s Cat, Shinazugawa Gen'ya, the Butterfly '' Triplets '' , The Kamaboko Squad, Tomioka Giyū, Crows.

Dislikes — Dogs, Alot of different kind of reptiles, Snakes, Obanai Iguro, Shinazugawa Sanemi, Uzui Tengen, Bright ass colors. [ He doesnt truely dislike alot of stuff ]

Extrovert, Ambivert, Introvert — Is a Introvert

Relationships

Mother — Baishō Rei — She died when Omi was young. So he truely doesnt know alot about his mother in any way. But if she were alive he would probably not really like her, due to her being pretty distructive, before she died.

Father — Funai Umeji — He was never in Omi’s life. He and Rei, had slept for one night together after getting drunk, and she had gotten pregnant after that, which by then he was gone.

Parental Figure — Himejima Gyōmei — He has pretty much been with him all the time he started being a demon slayer, as Gyōmei had found him whilst he was a Monk, and taking care of the orphans. So in a pretty my sense he to Omi is an a adoptive father.

Mentor — He doesnt exactly have a Mentor, but he does like to sometimes learn poisons from, Kochō.

Romantic Partner — He is in a somewhat secret relationship with Gotō [ Lol i love that man leave me be 😭😭 — Anyways people at the butterfly are the only people who know of it, and also Kamado Tanjirō

Health

Mental Health — Insomnia , DMDD [  Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder  ] ,

Bad Habits — Picking at skin — He wears gloves because of that fact and is trying to work on that bad habit.

Breathing Style

Breath — Breath of Famine

Overview of the Breathing Style — The breathing style is very similar in a manor to Kochō Shinobu’s breathing, it involves the fact of hallucinations to the demons and the use of poisons on the sword to cause that. So he does often test on poisons, or reads books on poisons aswell.

Requirements for the Breathing Style — You absolutely need to learn about poisons for this Breathing style to work.

Known Users — Baishō Omi

———

I HAVE YET TO FIGURE OUT THE FORMS FOR THE BREATHING STYLE SO I’LL BE WORKING ON THAT 😋😋

[azuredragoonterra]

1. Taking a moment to get reassurance from your partner. It's ok to break character you've got limits too.

2. Similarly, and ive done this before, have your partner test the safeword. It becomes a lot easier to cool down.

3. If you're still getting those thoughts when back into it, sometimes it might be worthwhile to ask if it's actually affecting you outside of the bedroom. People can have a lot of different sides to themselves, in a way we're easily deluded. When you play a game or watch a movie sometimes a small part of you believes what's happening on the screen. The same thing could happen in a scene. If the mean part of your brain wants to insist that's the "real" you then sure, fine, whatever but the "real" me isn't causing any trouble outside of this context so clearly "fake" me on the outside world can handle itself just fine. Being a little evil in your own internal world means jack shit and if you happen to have the opportunity to explore that side a bit with someone who's into seeing it then like, great.

have u ever been doing fun hard kink play and then the intrusive thoughts go "yesssssss, you really believe this, this is the real you" and u just. sigh idk. actually what do u do in that situation I'm taking advice

[aauroralightss]

i love reading peoples' opinions on trigun but sometimes i will see an opinion that is so like. bewilderingly wrong it actually makes me doubt my own interpretation of the source material

[crow-caller]

started playing fallen london cause of your blog and i absolutely love it! Thank u :)

Excellent!!! If I have any power, let it be used to get people to play fallen london and its related games (sunless seas, sunless skies = Survival exploration, mask of the rose = visual novel)

[gingermintpepper]

As usual I read your tags always and so you said Apollo did not ask for resurrection of Asclepius and Hyacinthus so i just wanted to share this. About Asclepius death I read it on theoi.com, that earlier authors don't make him resurrect as a god but that's a later development mentioned only by Roman authors like Cicero, Hyginus and Ovid. But still Apollo has a role in Ovid's version

Ovid, Fasti 6. 735 ff (trans.Boyle) (Roman poetry C1st B.C. to C1st A.D.) : Clymenus [Haides] and Clotho resent the threads of life respun and death's royal rights diminished. Jove [Zeus] feared the precedent and aimed his thunderbolt at the man who employed excessive art. Phoebus [Apollon], you whined. He is a god; smile at your father, who, for your sake, undoes his prohibitions [i.e. when he obtains immortality for Asklepios].

So here it is actually because of Apollo the decision was taken to resurrect him as god. And with Hyacinthus, I don't think I've read about Artemis playing the primary role. I know in Sparta there was a picture of Artemis, Athena and Aphrodite carrying Hyacinthus and his sister to heaven.

This is not on theoi.com but I saw on Tumblr it's from Dionysiaca by Nonnus

Second, my lord Oiagros wove a winding lay, as the father of Orpheus who has the Muse his boon companion. Only a couple of verses he sang, a ditty of Phoibos, clearspoken in few words after some Amyclaian style: Apollo brought to life again his longhaired Hyacinthos: Staphylos will be made to live for aye by Dionysos.

So since he is singing inspired by amyclean stories it probably means in that place it was believed Apollo was the one to bring back his lover to life.

Apollo as god of order was very important so i think it shows how special these people (and admetus too) were to him that he decided to go against the order for them 🥺

ANON!! Shakes you like a bottle of ramune!! BELOVED ANON!!!!! I'm littering your face with kisses, I'm anointing you with olive oil and honey - you absolutely made my night with this because, not only did I get the pure serotonin shot of having someone interact with my tags (yippee, wahoo!!) I also got to have that wonderful feeling of "oh wow, have I misunderstood something that was integral to my understanding of this myth/figure this whole time or is this a case of interpretational differences?" which is imo vital for my aims and interests as someone who enjoys mythological content and literature.

I'll preface my response with this: Hyacinthus is by far the hardest of these to get accounts for because his revival itself, as you very astutely point out, is generally accounted for in painting/ritual format which muddies the waters on who interceded for what. I wasn't actually familiar with that passage from the Argonautica - and certainly didn't remember it so thank you very much for bringing it to my attention!

That said, what I've come to understand, both about Hyacinthus and about Asclepius is that in the accounts of their deaths, Apollo's position is startlingly clear.

For Hyacinthus, it is established time and again that Apollo would have sacrificed everything for him - his status, his power, his very own immortality and divinity. Ovid writes that Apollo would have installed him as a god if only he had the time:

(Ovid. Metamorphoses. Book X. trans. Johnston)

Many other writers too speak of how Apollo abandoned his lyre and his seat at Delphi to spend his days with Hyacinthus, but they also all agree that when it came to his death - he was powerless. Ovid gives that graphic account of Apollo's desperation as he tries all his healing arts to save him to no avail:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book X. Apollo me boy, methinks him dead. trans Johnston)

Bion, in one of his fragments, writes that Apollo was "dumb" upon seeing Hyacinthus' agony:

(Bion, The Bucolic Poets. Fragment XI. trans Edmonds)

Even Nonnus in the Dionysiaca speaks constantly of Apollo's helplessness in the face of Hyacinthus' fate where he writes that the god still shivers if a westward wind blows upon an iris:

and when Zephyros breathed through the flowery garden, Apollo turned a quick eye upon his young darling, his yearning never satisfied; if he saw the plant beaten by the breezes, he remembered the quoit, and trembled for fear the wind, so jealous once about the boy, might hate him even in a leaf...

(Nonnus, Dionysiaca, Book 3. trans Rouse)

And the point here is just that - Apollo, at least as far as I've read, cannot avert someone's death. He simply can't. Once they're already dead - once Fate has cut their string - all Apollo's power is gone and he can do nothing no matter how much he wants to. And this is, as far as I know, supported with the accounts of Asclepius as well!

Since you specifically brought up Ovid's account, I'll also stick only to Ovid's account but in Metamorphoses when we get Ovid's version of Coronis' demise, he writes that Apollo intensely and immediately regrets slaughtering Coronis. He regrets it so intensely that he, like he does with Hyacinthus, does his best to resuscitate her:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo's regret)

And like Hyacinthus, when it becomes clear that what has happened cannot be undone, Apollo wails:

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo wept.)

Unlike his mother, Asclepius in her womb had not yet died and so, with the last of Apollo's strength, he does manage, at least, to save him.

(Ovid, Metamorphoses Book Two. Apollo puts the 'tearing out' in Asclepius.)

But it goes further than even that because Ocyrhoe, Chiron's daughter, a prophetess who unduly gained the ability to directly proclaim the secrets of the Fates, upon seeing the baby Asclepius, immediately prophesies his glory, his inevitable death and then his fated ascension:

(Ovid. Metamorphoses, Book Two. Ocyrhoe's prophecy. trans Johnston)

Before she too succumbs to her hubris and is transformed by the Fates into a horse so she can no longer speak secrets that aren't hers to share.

These things ultimately are important because it establishes two very important things: 1) Apollo can't do anything in the face of the ultimate Fate of mortals, which is, of course, death and 2) even when Apollo is Actively Devastated, regretful, yearning, mournful, guilty or some unholy combination of all of the above, when someone is dead, he accepts that they are gone. Even if he is devastated by it, even if he'll cry all the rest of his days about it - if they're dead? Apollo lets them go. In Fasti, when Zeus brings Asclepius back, he does not say Apollo asked him to - Zeus, or well, in this case Jove, brings Asclepius back because he wants Apollo to stop being mad at him.

(Ovid, Fasti VI. Apollo please come home your father misses you. trans. A.S Kline)

Even Boyle's translation which you used above in your findings hints that Zeus made Asclepius a god because he wanted Apollo to stop grieving. (i.e 'smile at your father', 'for your sake [he] undoes his prohibitions')

And like, Apollo was deeply upset by Asclepius' death - apart from killing the Cyclops in anger, in book 4 of the Argonautica, Apollonius writes that the Celts believe the stream of Eridanus to be the tears Apollo shed over the death of Asclepius when he left for Hyperborea after being chastised by Zeus for killing his Cyclops:

But the Celts have attached this story to them, that these are the tears of Leto's son, Apollo, that are borne along by the eddies, the countless tears that he shed aforetime when he came to the sacred race of the Hyperboreans and left shining heaven at the chiding of his father, being in wrath concerning his son whom divine Coronis bare in bright Lacereia at the mouth of Amyrus.

It all paints a very clear picture to me. Apollo did not ask for either of them to be brought back. Though bringing them back certainly pleased and delighted him, they are actions of other gods who are moved by Apollo's grief and mourning and seek to mollify him. Him not asking doesn't mean he didn't want them back which I think is a very important distinction by the by, but it simply means that Apollo knows the natural order of things and, even if it hurts, he isn't going to press his luck about it.

Which, of course, brings us to Admetus. And I'm really not going to overcomplicate this, Admetus is different because, very vitally, Admetus is not dead. Apollo can't do a thing once Fate has been carried out and Death has claimed a mortal but you know what he absolutely can do? Bargain like hell with the Fates before that point of inevitability. And that's what he does, ultimately for Admetus and Alcestis. He sought to prolong Admetus' life, not revive him from death or absolve him from death altogether and even after getting the Fates drunk, he's still only able to organise a sacrifice - a life for a life - something completely contingent on whether some other mortal would be willing to die in Admetus' place and not at all controllable by Apollo's own power.

All of these things, I think come back to that point you made - that Apollo's place as a god of order is very important and therefore these people are very special to him if it means he's willing to go against that order but, I also wish to challenge that opinion if you'd let me. Apollo's place as a god of order is very important and therefore, I would argue, that it is even more important that it is shown that he does not break the divine order, especially for the people that mean the most to him. The original context of my comments which started this conversation were on this lovely, lovely post by @hyacinthusmemorial which contemplated upon Asclepius from the perspective of an Emergency Medical personnel and included, in their tags, the very poignant lines "there's something about Apollo letting go when Asclepius couldn't that eats my heart away" and "you do what you can, you do your best, but you don't ever reach too far" and I think that's perfectly embodied with the Apollo-Asclepius dichotomy. Apollo grieves. He wails, he cries, he does his best each and every time to save that which is precious to him but he does not curse their nature, he does not resent that they are human and ultimately, he accepts that that which is mortal must inevitably die. There is nothing that so saliently proves that those who uphold rules are also their most staunch followers - if Apollo wants to delight in his place as Fate's mouthpiece, he cannot undo Fate. And, if even the god of healing and order himself cannot undo death, what right does Asclepius, mortal as he is, talented as he is, have to disrespect it?

The beauty of these stories isn't that Apollo loved them enough to bring them back. The beauty is that Apollo loved them enough to let them go.