#but then she loses her prize...science experiment I guess and does nothing?

[lucaniisdellamorte]

pacing my cage thinking about Lucanis' questline tbh

whoops spoilers in the tags

[rinharu-purple]

Lucien: MLQC’s Mastermind

Yes, I said that Lucien is the creepiest LI in my opinion, and I wouldn’t choose him in a million, billion years. BUT, Lucien is by far the one person, who is pulling the strings and is the driving force of the MLQC universe. He is the only person who acquires all the information from all sides and is connected to every important actor in the story. Therefore, Lucien has become the second LI I’ve started to follow more attentively. Mind that the ranking ist 1) Gavin 2) Gavin 3) Gavin 4) Lucien ;)

In my manifesto, why Gavin is MC’s choice, I’ve already mentioned briefly, that Lucien has the strongest EVOL among all the characters but is also the strongest character (it’s not the MC or the Black Queen, let’s not fool ourselves)

The Machiavellian

Before we talk about Lucien’s part in the MLQC universe, we should first look at him as person and observe the elements that make up his personality.

In the game, all our guys have their personal priorities. Gavin and Kiro are on the front line, fighting for peace and prosperity, Victor, well...I don’t think that he cares for anything else besides MC, maybe his position. But with Lucien, his priority is not a person or a concept, but rather a philosophy. Lucien wants to see the next step in human evolution and is determined to take any measures necessary to see it to it’s end. Other guys can not stand oblivious to other things that come up their way in achieving their goals but Lucien only has his eyes on the prize and to him nothing else matters, no one else matters and no ethics matter. 

Machiavellianism denotes cunningness and claims, that those dark triads use whatever means necessary to gain power. If we consider the choices Lucien has made throughout the story so far, we can clearly find his manipulative ways in getting other actors to the positions of his conjecture. He lies to MC and hides his personality as Ares, penetrates Black Swan to use their facilities, but also uses LFG’s resources for his R&D projects all the while concealing his true nature. 

Another trait of a Machiavellian, is that he is charismatic and friendly, all the while displaying no emotions. I think, there can be two possible reasons as to why Lucien has limited display of emotions. The first possible explanation has something to do with his parents passing and the trauma he suffered afterwards. Among all LIs Lucien is the one with the most loveless childhood and teenage years, the most important years in developing one’s psychological traits and during those years Lucien received alongside with Kiro the most blows. That resulted in him losing the connection to his emotions as a defense mechanism. 

Another possibility might be him losing the connection to his emotions as a result of a chemical reaction in his brain due to excessive testing Black Swan objected him to. Lucien’s EVOL was created in a lab and he was the first man-made Evolver. Lucien is called various times a psychopath, because he shows signs of psychopathy such as lack of remorse, empathy or compassion. It is said that that kind of behavior might occur due to a misconnection between the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC) and the amygdala. Considering the fact that Lucien’s parents were killed right in front of him and that he was both physically and psychologically abused for the coming years, this might have led him to experience an imbalance in his chemical balance. One might argue, that his altruistic actions in the orphanage are an evidence for his compassion, I think it is yet another disguise for his unethical ways of reaching his goals.

The Orchestrator

In all honesty no one is actively seeking alliances and keeps tabs on other’s actions for their agenda like Lucien does. Maybe Commander Leto but he mostly fails in drawing others to his side, because he is not able to speak in their pendants’ language or resonate with their perspective. Lucien, on the other hand, is gifted with an extraordinary ability to observe his surroundings and companions, making it very easy for him to talk to them in their terms and desires. Lucien doesn’t show much empathy, UNLESS, it contributes to his cause, in that case he can perfectly put himself in other’s shoes and plays them in such a meticulous way, that they join him willingly.

That is how Lucien directs MC successfully in entering the Black Cabin or in understanding the evolution core.

Lucien is not exactly a piece on a chess board, but is a player, who knows all the pieces very well, knows the rules of the game, has observed many games and took notes of how they all has turned out and therefore knows what kind of a game he is going to play. Just watch closely. how he co-operates with Kiro and the Black Queen. He knows that Kiro is using Black Swan for his goals, much like he does, so he uses his hacking abilities to access to information. The Black Queen is the initiator of everything in S1, so he makes sure to stay close to her. He knows that Victor is searching for MC and trying to understand the Evol gene, there he has an investor. 

The Cool, Calm and Collected Type

in the MLQC universe, everyone loses their composure at one point or another, because...who wouldn’t? Time and space warps constantly and people are also changing their stances depending on the time-space constellation they find themselves in. 

MC loses her cool almost on a daily basis, Gavin was in a constant haywire in the Daybreak era, Victor literally threw people into black holes in CH11 and freaked out as he saw the Black Queen for the first time and Kiro walks around in a bipolar state. So, everybody is pretty unstable due to understandable conditions but we never see Lucien lose his cool and this is one of his best qualities. 

Here is the thing about Lucien. This guy is always at least one step ahead of everyone and he achieves this by two simple rules: 

1) Acquire all possible information

2) Observe everyone and everything at all times

Why am I saying this? It lies in the basis of anxiety and angst. We humans tend to feel uncomfortable in the face of an uncertain situation, meaning in the wake of the unknown. MC is constantly anxious, because she doesn’t know what is going on, why is everyone after her, why is she blessed with the unconditional affection of 5 equally attractive men? (ehm, but not quite equally ehm *Gavin* hihi, sorry, Gavin-stan gotta Gavin-stan ^_^). Anyway you get the picture. Gavin went haywire in CH22 because he was pushed in a tight spot and therefore had angst. Same goes for Victor in CH11 his mind went blank as he saw history repeating itself and then in CH18 when he saw with his own eyes what could the girl of his dreams might become.

We don’t see Lucien in such deadlock situation though do we, and I think it is mainly because he is always prepared for every possibility and he can calculate them meticulously, because he possesses the largest chunk of information and also keeps tabs on everyone and everything that’s going on. So, when a crisis occurs he doesn’t freak out, sure he gets surprised at times, because the outcome of a a certain situation is the possibility, which he calculated to be no higher than 1% and yet there it is. But since he’s already took this into consideration, he has a plan. Combine this with his knowledge about the persons and organizations involved in the matter, then you have a calm Lucien, who is in control of the situation. Thus, he is calm. You can actually also bind this behavior of Lucien with that of a predator, whose movement are languid, is non-reactive and doesn’t mind turning his back to his opponents, since he doesn’t perceive them as a threat.

If this wasn’t enough, Lucien manages to joggle all of this without exposing himself. Even in the last stage of the play he never gets caught. Unless he willingly exposes himself, as in the case of revealing Ares to MC. MLQC actors can usually see through each other and use their weaknesses to meet their own ends. MC is obviously Gavin, Kiro and Victor’s weakness and their opponents can see this pretty easily. IT’s not quite the same with Lucien though and he doesn’t let himself be blackmailed or threatened by any weakness. He always keeps his cards close to his chest. 

Considering the fact that Lucin is the least outstanding LI, this is pretty impressive. So I guess this makes him the embodiment of the phrase “still waters run deep”.

The Renaissance Man

Lucien is a man of science and aesthetics. Explaining phenomenons with associations and loading them with philosophical substance. He doesn’t necessarily perceive things bluntly as they are, but interprets them in a meaningful way. The way he associates MC with a butterfly, how he wants to entrap her in ajar, so she wouldn’t get away, alas taking the only resource of color in his life away. Not only that, but he can also break down the matters at hand to its fragments and can therefore work his way up from there. He is blessed with a strong deduction ability, so he can connect the dots easily, come to a conclusion and act accordingly. No doubt that the other guys have very good deduction abilities, but because Lucien always has a bit of an information more than them, he can find the solutions just a little bit faster in my opinion. 

Reading is a necessity for his guy much like eating and drinking, Which is why we see him reframing events in the context of a certain story he’d read at some point in his life. With time, I will add here some of his quotes about certain situations to explain what I mean. Or even better, if you have some, that are evident in you opinion, you could add them in the comments. I really enjoy reading/hearing Lucien’s philosophical, scientific explanations to certain moments in MC’s life. They are always to the point and helpful.

-------------

So this is my very first analysis on Lucien and I have to admit, I still have  so many material to check on him, so if anything is missing please bear with me here :)

I was watching Joe’s Twitch while I wrote this, so there are many spelling, grammar mistakes, which will be corrected gradually.

This post will get better and better, scout promise!

[amidst-thestcrs]

8 Facts about my Muse(s).

Tagged by: Someone at Summer’s old blog 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Tagging: @feralspace-bitch / @speck-of-stardust, @fightan0therday, @tr0ubled-s0uls, @starrys0nder, @hiemaleyes, @implausiblynaive, @defactomatriarch, and anyone else interested!! (You guys totally don’t have to do this if you don’t want to either ofc!) 😌👌❤❤

Morti

1) Despite having “freedom” while living with Gary, Morti actually missed out on quite a bit of typical things that other kids genuinely experience around her age. This doesn’t really bother her until other people start making her feel like it’s a problem though. Gary always had a convenient excuse for everything: they didn’t have enough money to afford cable so they only had a dvd player; most of his family had either died or lived far away so they didn’t ever visit extended family; they lived too far away from signal towers to get wifi so they didn’t have internet; etc.. Due to this, I imagine she missed out on quite a lot of normal things and probably hasn’t even done something as simple as been in a car before.

2) Morti responds well to kindness and doesn’t comprehend mean or abrupt people as she doesn’t understand why someone would be that.

3) Her favorite animal is a frog! She adores frogs so much and used to adore the little pond by their house when she lived with Gary. He actually caught one for Morti as a pet which she still has and named Henry! It’s her most prized possession and best friend. ❤

4) I think if Morti wasn’t able to form a strong bond with the Smith family when/if she goes back home, Morti would 100% be willing to go back and live with Gary again if that ever became an option, even despite all the lies. 

5) Despite living with Gary for most of her life, Morti was still a “Morty” underneath it all as she’s always had a fascination with space even as a kid. She owned many astronomy books and even Gary brought her home a telescope for her that she used all the time to see the stars at night.

6) Morti has no memory of the Smith family whatsoever. She doesn’t remember any of them and will always feel bad for this especially since she feels like she’s probably supposed to remember them.

7) I think she puts up with the name Morti cause she doesn’t think anyone really cares enough to call her otherwise, but if given the choice, Morti would much rather go by the name September/Ember as it’s the name she’s used to and the one that feels most like her to her.

8) The Ricks have given Morti a card to stick in her pocket when she goes off on her own in the citadel. It’s basically just a little business card of sorts that she’s suppose to hand out and get back that literally says, “Hi, I’m an identity confused Morticia/Morty (not September/Ember or any other weird shit she says) from dimension C-323. I’m not lost or abandoned, I’m just annoying but they’re looking for my Rick so don’t take me. Okay, now fuck off. Scram!”. As you can tell, she did not write this note herself. 

Rick

1) Rick’s been alone most of his life. After his parents died in the crash, he never really had any friends and was never able to marry so no other family either. Really since they died he’s been on his own.

2) In truth, I imagine Doofus Rick really wanted/wants a family like how all the other Ricks have, but it just never happened for him. The Diane (or other versions of Rick’s ex-wife) in his universe just wasn’t interested in him and honestly just felt like he was beneath her-- something she actually admitted to his face when they were in college and he tried to ask her out. Mostly any other time he tried to ask someone out since has had the same result anyways.

3) Medical science has always been more his area of expertise than other kinds of science which is the main reason why he was able to cure cancer in his dimension among other forms of awful diseases. I think he’s well known in his universe as medical genius and hero, but really he just considers himself just a regular person, nothing special.

4) He probably owns way more books than he’ll ever read in his life, most old science books and such.

5) My Rick never got a Morty like in the tv show, I imagine he tried once and the council laughed in his face. Due to this, he instead simply tries his best to help any other Morty in need that he can.

6) Rick occasionally volunteers at the Morty Daycare Center when he has free time.

7) If it wasn’t for his lack of time, Rick would most likely get a pet to help out with how lonely his life can be at times but I think he genuinely worries about not being home a lot to be able to take care of it. If he was home more, I could totally see him getting a rescue from a shelter somewhere, but he doesn’t want to burden an animal with lack of human interaction.

8) Rick’s not as stupid as everyone believes him to be, he’s actually fairly smart and can hold conversations really well. The thing with him is just mainly anxiety that makes him extremely awkward. If he didn’t worry so much about what others thought of him he’d probably have the confidence of a regular Rick but still way nicer than a typical Rick.

Summer

1) It’s common knowledge to everyone at this point that Beth turned into an absolute disaster of a mother after Jerry died which is the main reason why Summer and Beth have such an explosive and abusive relationship. Pretty much everyone in their neighborhood, their extended family, and at Summer’s school knew about the bad blood between those two but everyone just stays quiet about it tbh, even after Summer started showing up to school with bruises. Everyone assumes these two have always hated each other, but something that isn’t really known by others is that Summer actually loved Beth a lot when she was very little despite the abuse her mother constantly took out on her. She was young and trusted the only adult in her life even if she didn’t love her back, this is something Beth sometimes brings up in arguments to either annoy Summer or in attempts to guilt trip her. Usually it’s something along the lines of “I remember when you used to love me! You thought the world of me back then!”.

2) One sure-fire way to get Summer to shut up/get under her skin is to tell her she’s exactly like her mother or even looks like her. Summer wants absolutely nothing to do with Beth and even though the two of them are very similar in looks, she does not want to be associated in any way to her mom. She heard Beth say too many times that the two of them were way too similar that even the notation of that coming from someone else, especially someone Summer considers close, will immediately struck her silent and it will bother her immensely. 

3) Summer absolutely loves astrology and knows a lot on the different zodiac signs. She’ll sometimes even guess someone’s zodiac before even knowing it and will even point it out all the time just to mess with people-- for example: “That’s such a Gemini thing to do too, you really are one, huh?”.

4) Although Summer’s attitude is a big reason why it’s hard to get close to her, that’s not the main reason why. It’s actually Summer’s trust issues that prevent her from having close relationships with people outside of her inner circle. Summer is very particular about who she trusts and lets into her life. Her trust is very hard to earn and very easy to lose. If she feels her trust has been broken, she’s very quick to immediately discontinue a friendship/relationship with someone and back away. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.” as the saying goes. Now with that said, it is possible to gain Summer’s trust back again depending on the person, but just know it’s gonna be ten times harder to gain back the second time than it already was the first time. So good luck!

5) Summer started smoking at the age of fourteen due to it being an appetite suppressant. Since Beth spent most, if not all, of her unemployment check on alcohol, there wasn’t really ever food in the house for them to eat, at least not food that was safe to consume. On the rare times they did have groceries, Beth would sometimes hide food when she was drunk then forget where she put it, eventually leading to it going molded. However instead of throwing any expired food away, she’d always save it and then serve it to herself and Summer at a later date. Due to this, Summer often had a lot of food poisoning growing up and got most of her meals from school or a friend’s house. Smoking helped her not feel hungry on times when food wasn’t available to her so she actually was a much heavier smoker as a teenager compared to now. Being out on her own now, Summer has cut back quite a bit, going from about a pack or so a day to smoking maybe four cigarettes a day. She doesn’t really smoke in her house much either, always goes outside when she wants to have a smoke.

6) Despite not being religious in the slightest, Summer went to church with Tricia ( @tr0ubled-s0uls​ ) on the occasional Sunday just to cause drama with her friend. The two of them would often talk/giggle really loud, take turns “coughing” while not-so-subtly stating “God’s not real”, and in general doing whatever to interrupt church service. The two of them would often find a way to leave early to go smoke out in the parking lot or bathrooms and would get breakfast after service. The main reason they’d do this is because Tricia’s dad often times forced her to attend his church services as he was a pastor. Needless to say, Tricia’s dad did not like Summer, for more reasons than just one.

7) Summer still visits Jerry’s grave from time to time and leaves fresh flowers on his tombstone. She’ll never admit it cause she thinks it sounds stupid, but sometimes she just vents to his graves or talks to him like he’s actually there even though she doesn’t believe in ghosts.

8) Speaking of which, Jerry is the one who actually named Summer! The only reason why she knows this is primarily because of her grandparents, but also because she has a vague memory of him proudly boosting about that when she was little. The reason why he named her was because shortly after Summer’s birth, the doctors asked Beth to hold her and feed her in attempts of bonding with her child but she wanted nothing to do with her. Instead Jerry did these things for Summer and when asked what she wanted to name her child she claimed she didn’t care. This in turn left the responsibility on Jerry in which he chose the name Summer because she was born during the summertime and he thought “Summer Elise Smith” sounded beautiful.

[doctorinnovatium-archive]

The Doctor’s Workshop: The Prologue

From some time, from some place beyond the veil of worlds, an untraceable signal is being broadcast across the realm of Fantasy. One cannot easily tune into it intentionally; those who do accomplish this feat accidentally, often when tuning their radio or television in search for another station. Those who only receive the signal audibly only hear a slightly shrill and subtly unhinged voice whose accent implies its owner to be from the British Isles from at least one iteration of Earth. Those with visuals see a thin, Caucasian man dressed in a red waistcoat and white, long-sleeved shirt, with a pair of peculiarly tinted goggles - red and blue respectively, like the tint of vintage 3D glasses - obscuring his eyes and giving off an eerie glow. The man, whose face was contorted into a welcoming if rather deranged grin, stands in front of a blackboard, where a somewhat enthusiastic hand has written ominously, "THE DOCTOR IS IN!!!"

"Greetings, people and likewise of the Imagiverse! It is I, Doctor Innovatium, discoverer of the elusive element Innovatium and somewhat of a legend, if I'm right, in universal scientific circles. You may or may not have heard of me or my contributions to the fields of science and technology; indeed, it is likely you know not of either and are wondering who this rambling fellow is! In which case, I will give you a brief rundown;

"In the 1895th year of Earth, London, I had discovered the life blood of the universe; a peculiar substance that serves both as a near-infinite power source and a... dampener of the fabric of reality, or, to put it another way, a space-time hallucinogen. You see, the force of Reality is not as binary as you would think, but rather an analogue quality, so that there are things that are more real than others. What Innovatium invokes is what I've labelled hyper-fantasy, an extreme level of non-reality which does away with the conventional laws of physics and logic and-

"Oh, look at me ramble! Sorry, the nature of the Imagiverse is such a fascinating subject for me, I tend to lose myself. Anyway, I discovered this peculiar element and wasted no time experimenting with its capabilities. With its reality-bending properties, I found it could open many doors to realising the scientific fictions that occupied the minds of many back in those days, what with the Secret of Flight and so forth. I had even hypothesised the use of Innovatium to power our locomotives, although I never saw that patent be accepted by the Bureau.

"Then came the faithful night I finished constructing my then-latest invention, a portal that could transport one to the Realm of Fantasy, which I had theorised to exist in tandem with the Realm of Reality we knew back then. I'm... afraid I'm rather blurry on the details of the occurrence, but I know that one moment I had been turning on the portal, next thing I was here, in the same workshop I had been in prior, but unable to leave! Thankfully, it meant I could continue my research without the interference of third-parties, and so I have been living here for the past... well, I'm not too sure how long I've been here, time seems to avoid this place, but I have been living here a long time since, isolated from the rest of the universe I now know to be the Realm of Fantasy; the Imagiverse.

"... Well, that wasn't as brief as it should have been, but never mind. I shall get straight to the point; for a long time now, I have hidden from the rest of the Imagiverse, tinkering and tinkering, letting my name become a mere legend among those few who have peered through the veils of their worlds. Today - that is, the point of time that I am transmitting from - that will no longer be the case. I am officially establishing communications with whoever receives this transmission, and this is how you may establish contact-"

"Dad, what're you doing?"

Doctor Innovatium pauses, turning to his left where his daughter, Alice, was standing in the doorway, her chrome-like face bearing the expression of intrigued suspicion. He had devised many contraptions during his time in this isolated bubble, but not one of those miraculous devices could take his daughter's place as his most prized creation. Time being what it is here, he could not remember exactly when he had the sudden longing for companionship or when he had acted upon that longing to devise his first artificial lifeform, but he was already thinking that she had been with him forever, as if the years before didn't matter anymore. It was a pity the visual recording apparatus would not be able to record her likeliness, as the people were missing out on the chance to gaze upon her metallic beauty.

"I'm in the middle of a transmission at the moment, Alice," he replied, in a tone considerably more soft than when he had been addressing his imaginary audience. "I did tell you of my plans, didn't I?"

"Well, I thought you weren't seriously going through with it," she responded curtly. "Do you seriously think anyone would be able to receive that transmission? We're too far away from any worlds for their radios and stuff to be able to pick it up! How many people are you expecting to respond?"

Doctor Innovatium sighs, leaning towards the recording apparatus, a complicated contraption with an eerily-realistic eye fitted onto a large, telescope-like appendage. He turns a dial on a panel fitted into the device, and those watching (or listening) are denied the ability to hear the conversation.

"Alice," the Doctor says, kneeling in front of his daughter so that they were eye-to-eye. "This is no ordinary transmitter, as I'm sure you may have guessed. When a radio - or for that matter, an antique television - is adjusted to any frequency that does not correspond to a worldly channel, they play static, is that not so? Do you ever wonder why you get static instead of, say, nothing at all? It's because it's receiving signals from a plethora of different sources, some perhaps light years away from their planet. What I'm broadcasting right now will ride on the cosmic frequencies of the Imagiverse, so it will be possible for anyone to receive it. Now, I'm not saying that everyone will be able to; I suspect that it will only be decipherable on select and special circumstances, or perhaps it will depend on their equipment. That, in turn, may actually make it easier for us, eh?

"Besides," continued the Doctor, "you're always wanting to interact with the outside world, which I can understand. It can be very lonely here, save for the company of our, hah, assistants. Perhaps you can take this opportunity to finally talk with the Imagiverse, maybe make some friends!" His smile returns, albeit warmer. "Now, may I please finish my transmission?"

Alice looked down to her feet before looking back up to her father with a stern expression. "And you'll let me talk with the outside world?"

"Absolutely."

Eyes towards the eccentric camera, then back at the Doctor. "Okay."

The Doctor pats his daughter on the shoulder, his grin widening. "Brilliant." With that, he positively strides back to the device with a single step, turns the dial back and continues.

"As I was saying, upon receiving this transmission, you will be in the possession of a device you didn't have before. Where you may find said device will depend; it may be on a counter, it may be next to a computer-like contraption of yours, or it may perhaps have materialised before you as you are listening. Either way, you will know it to be a gift of mine; it will enable you to establish contact with us from your world. Simply take it to a device that you wish to contact us with, and it will make some... Modifications to said device. I've designed it to be exceptionally versatile, so you can leave all the efforts to the device.

When the modifications have been made, you will be able to contact me," the Doctor turns to his daughter, who is watching him with her arms crossed, before adding, "and my daughter at any time. You may ask us any questions you may have, although I beseech you keep any... intimate questions you have for my daughter to yourself. She is still, at least in my eyes, quite young, so I will not tolerate any amorous advances-"

"Oh come on, dad!"

"- that you may make towards Alice. Anyway, I believe that all points have been accomplished for this broadcast, so I shall end the transmission here. I look forward to hearing from the people and likewise of the Imagiverse and to finally step out of the mists of legend and into the public eye once more. So for now, adieu, auf wiedersehen, farewell."

Silence. The transmission concludes, at least for the time being. Those who listen through the transmission would receive the device, and if they choose, they would use it to contact the mysterious Doctor and his daughter. It is uncertain the number of recipients that would respond, but considering the expanse of the Realm of Fantasy, it pays to be optimistic, at least on the part of the Doctor. _____________________________

And so starts the blog! Hello, Tumblr, this is @adamskelecoot​, coming at ya with my first roleplaying blog. I've been devoting quite some time into getting this ready, what with creating the icons for both characters, and am proud to announce this ship ready to sail. The roleplay (at least, on my side) will include originally crafted icons drawn by yours truly (with borders sourced elsewhere - see Sources page). Usage of said icons will start off as liberal for now, as most of the planned icons are still in production, but the ones I have made so far should suffice for now. I look forward to seeing how this project will pan out. I would like word to spread about my new blog, so any voluntary act of promotion is greatly appreciated, as long as you @ this blog. That's all I can say atm, so make sure to check out the pages on my blog, especially the Rules page, and I'll see you in the Workshop!

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Lena, Number Eight [Part 3 of ?]

The moment Lena steps out onto the sidewalk, her hands start to shake in her pockets. Her stomach threatens to revolt, and her attempts to breathe through it don’t go unnoticed.

"Lena? Lena, hey!” Kara trots down the shallow steps to join her on the street, iron gate creaking shut behind her. Her hand touches Lena’s elbow briefly before drawing back. Lena hates the hesitation, worried it’s fear or disgust, but she’s also grateful. Her skin crawls beneath her clothes, prickling in a way it hasn’t for years. “Hey..."

“I’m okay,” Lena grinds out. She forces a smile. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Kara meets her smile with a soft grin of her own. “Yeah, that-- was definitely something.”

The words sound awkward, but calm. It slowly spreads to Lena enough to dissolve the lump in her throat, but her muscles remain taut, clenching against bone and sinew, clamping her in place. Trapped. It’s all she ever was-- stuck.

She looks at Kara, and her friend visibly melts at the tears in her eyes. It’s clear she has questions-- she must have so many. But she packs them away so that the next words out of her mouth are as mundane as possible.

"Let's get some lunch."

Kara gets lunch. Lena gets coffee.

Neither of them touch their prize, except for Lena to curl her hands around her mug to leech the warmth from it.

Kara tries not to pry, but Lena slowly opens up. About the circumstances of her birth-- and those of the others-- and their subsequent acquisition by Hargreeves. She tells Kara how Hargreeves sent her away, and how Lionel had been decent to her until he died.

Beyond that, she doesn't offer any details. Not about how she went from being from one family's science experiment to another's. Not about how when Lionel died, Lillian studied her even more thoroughly than Reginald had. Not how the precision and control she'd displayed at the house was the result of countless hours spent training and honing her gifts, until her nose bled and her skull felt like a red hot poker had been shoved in her eye or through the top of her head or the join of her neck.

She says nothing of the six months she'd spent in a medically induced twilight sleep, neither sleeping nor waking, in an attempt to enhance her precognition. Nothing about the months she’d spent rebuilding the muscle she’d lost in her semi-vegetative state.  

What she does tell Kara is that she doesn't use her powers anymore.

"The DEO can't know, Kara. No one can know."

Kara swallows. The hero in her reaches out for a kindred spirit, despite her better sense. "But Lena… with abilities like yours, you could help so many people--"

"I'm not that person, Kara. I'm sorry, but I'm not." Lena stares into her coffee, mourning the tepid feel of the ceramic under her palms. “I know it must seem so wondrous, but-- it isn't. It's brought me nothing but misery."

She turns her mug in her hands, scraping the bottom against the table.

"Being in National City... building a life with you in it-- That's the real wonder, Kara."

The air hangs thick and heavy between them. Lena looks up to find Kara’s jaw twitching with the urge to speak, but in the end her friend simply sighs. With that tiny breath of sound, Kara seems to release her expectations, and the need to try and fix it.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” she says finally. “All of it. I know it can’t be easy. And I’m sorry if I pressured you to revisit a time and place you didn’t want to.”

Shaking her head, Lena can finally smile honestly. The weight on her shoulders lifts, little by little. “No, I’m glad you did. If I hadn’t, I think at some point, I might have wondered what could have been. Now I know.”

For a long moment, Kara’s focus turns inwards. Lena watches as her best friend seems to come to a decision. Her chin lifts, and she meets Lena’s gaze with an exculpatory grimace just shy of a true grin.

“It might be a little anti-climactic after everything,” she starts, tilting her head in that way she does when she’s nervous and can’t deflect attention away from herself, “but in the spirit of reciprocity, I also have a secret.”

Lena’s chest seizes suddenly, her heart jack-hammering at the prospect of another confession. A private one. One that could either burn her secret fantasies to the ground-- or set them aflame.

Slowly, Kara reaches up and slowly removes her glasses. Then she removes the elastic from her hair, letting her locks hang loose around her shoulders. Those two changes alter the planes of her face, almost morphing them into features equally familiar.

“I’m Supergirl,” she says in a low voice.

When the small cafe bubbles with Lena's laughter, Kara knows it was the right thing to say.

When Lena’s coffee goes cold, she doesn’t bother to replace it. They make their way to a nearby park and slowly walk the vacant paths. The city’s gloom still hasn’t lifted, but Kara’s hand in hers fills Lena with warmth.

"Are you ready to go home?" Kara asks. By now Lena can breathe again, and she takes her time considering her response.

She’s wanted to go home since the moment they got off the plane. She’s never liked Metropolis, with its gray buildings and gray skies and gray faces. Being here reminds her of the cold, excruciating days of her childhood, and puts the joy of her life in National City in stark contrast.

To her own surprise, Lena hesitates. "Not yet,” she says softly. “There's one more thing I need to do."

She leads them to an older neighborhood, where tall buildings house long, narrow apartments. Kara agrees to wait outside, leaving Lena to make the long walk up to Vanya's apartment alone.

When she knocks, she knows Vanya will answer.

She's not prepared for the shadow of a woman who opens the door.

"Vanya," she says, covering her surprise with an awkward smile. "Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me, but I’m--"

"Lena," Vanya supplies. She blinks, eyebrows shrugging as she seems to curl in on herself. "I know who you are."

"I'm sorry to barge in on you, but..." Lena reaches for the right words. "You weren’t at the house earlier, and I wanted to offer my condolences..." She lets her voice trail away to nothing as Vanya’s features darken in a mixture of grief and resentment towards a father who was never quite a father.

“Or the appropriate equivalent.”

At that, Vanya lets her in with a tiny smile of appreciation. They settle on the couch, and sit in awkward silence until Lena spies the violin sitting on the chair by the window.

"I heard you play, a few years back" Lena confesses. "With the chamber orchestra. You were good."

Vanya’s hesitant smile turns queasy. "Oh, uh... that probably wasn't me you were hearing then. I was only fifth chair."

"It was you." Lena holds her gaze, brooking no argument. She softens her features with  another smile. "I read your book too."

Flat, detached eyes slide away from Lena.

"I imagine most of the family feedback hasn't been positive, but difficult honesty is something I've always appreciated. I also appreciate you leaving me out of it."

At that, Vanya shares a commiserating shrug. "You'd gotten out," she explains. "Didn't feel right dragging you back into it."

As they continue to speak, Lena probes carefully. Vanya's choice of narration, from the perspective of an outsider... feeling powerless against a family who ostracized her...

"I have to say, I was a little surprised to read it. I knew you weren't included on any of the publicized missions, but... I don't know. I guess I'm surprised it got so bad."

Vanya looks away, tucking her palms between her knees. "Being the only non-powered kid in a family of superheroes gives new meaning to black sheep, huh."

Alarm bells clamor at the back of Lena's mind. She struggles to make the connection, searching for the joke in her words, but finds none.

"You know,” Vanya continues, her voice tight in her throat, “after you left, I wanted so badly to be adopted too. Dad would have been out another disappointment, and I'd get a family like yours."

Lena stiffens, but keeps quiet. Vanya doesn’t need to know that the Luthors weren’t anything to be proud of. But Vanya grimaces a moment later, well aware of the headlines that had swamped national news for months on end following Lex’s arrest.

"Of course, that didn't really hold up, I guess. I'm sorry."

Lena shrugs her forgiveness with a tight smile. The reminder doesn’t sting so much, coming from someone who understands the struggle of family neither chosen nor born into. Vanya sighs. “But at the time, thinking you were happy and free was like a fairytale. And if one person without powers could get a happy ending, why not two?”

Vanya echoes her shrug. “Guess not.

"I had no idea it had gotten so bad," Lena gently maneuvers. "What changed?"

But Vanya can only shrug helplessly. "Nothing. That was the problem. When no powers ever manifested, there just... wasn't any room for me."

Lena blinks, searching for the joke, but doesn't find one.

"You know, after you left... I used to dream Dad would let me be adopted to too. I figured, if one person without powers could get out, why not two."

Lena hesitates. "Vanya... I don't know why Hargreeves told you all that I lost my powers, but... I didn't." She sees Vanya's disappointment and feels it all the way down to her bones.

“Oh.”

"I'm so sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. It's good you still have them, right? Losing them after having them... that would have been-- At least I never had any. Can't miss what you never had, right?"

Again, it’s said without a single ounce of irony. Lena’s disquiet heightens, but when she opens her mouth to respond, the chime of the clock interrupts. The hour is later than she anticipated; if she waits much longer, it’ll be too late to fly, and Lena isn’t willing to spend the night in Metropolis.

“I’m sorry, I have to get going,” Lena sighs. “Here…”

Reaching into her pocket, Lena pulls out a business card. She scribbles her cell number on the back, and hands it to Vanya, who takes it with fingers that stutter on the cardstock as though numb.

“This is my personal line,” Lena tells her. “You can call me, if you ever need anything. Even if it’s just to talk. I’d… like to get to know you.”

Vanya stares at it, as though she can’t quite fathom its function. "Why?” she asks, blinking. “I mean, why me?"

Lena reaches out and touches her knee. "Because you were honest when the world would have rather swallowed a lie. And because I know how hard it can be, to feel like you're completely alone. You don't have to be."

“Oh,” comes the soft response. After a moment, Vanya nods, lips trembling. "Okay, yeah. I think I will."

"I look forward to it." Lena smiles. "I should get going."

"Right, yeah." Vanya follows her to the door. Just as Lena is about to step out, Vanya speaks out. "I remember you."

"Sorry?"

"Before, you weren’t sure I’d remember you. But I do." Vanya swallows thickly. "I remember that you were kind."

Lena gazes at her, unsure how to respond even when Vanya’s eyes began to glint with moisture.

"None of the others have ever seen me play. They only read my book so they could hate me after. And none-- none of them even called when Dad died."

Vanya swallows, ducking her chin to avoid Lena’s gaze. "You were always the kind one."

Lena hesitates, then gives in to the urge to wrap Vanya in a hug. Vanya hugs her back readily.

"I'm sorry your new family sucked," Vanya mutters against Lena's coat. "You deserved better."

"So did you, Vanya.” Her words hit Vanya with a jolt, before she squeezes Lena tighter. "You deserved so much better."

When Lena emerges from the building, Kara is waiting right where she'd said she'd be. She doesn’t say anything, and only slows enough for Kara to fall into step next to her. They walk for almost thirty minutes before Lena has the sense to hail a cab to the airport.

Only when they’re in the air does Kara break the silence. “Do you really feel it was worth it? Coming back?”

Lena shrugs. "There’s value in knowledge. Even if it’s just knowing that some things never change.”

“Like what?”

“Like… Number One still thinks he’s hot shit. And Diego is consistently an inch away from a homicide charge.”

“And Vanya?”

“And Vanya… is completely normal."

Kara knows her too well. She studies Lena, and discerns the uneasiness that ripples beneath her words. "What's the trouble with that?"

Lena looks Kara dead in the eye. "Vanya has never been ordinary."

Continued in Part 4

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to The Good Place: “Existential Crisis”

Sad-Old-Party-Dude Recklessness

The Setup: Find our previous reactions to season 2 of The Good Place here.

All still images in this post are originally from @nocontextgoodplace.

KRIS:

A day may come when those of us who aren't Adam can venture predictions about where the season is going without embarrassing ourselves, but it is not this day. After the premiere, I wrote: "Existentialism could be a fruitful place to go, and isn’t a massive leap in specialization for an ethicist, especially one who’s established as liking French philosophy. But most people too quickly and too easily conflate existentialism with nihilism, and that is definitely not Schur territory."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Okay no but seriously, this week's episode is indeed called "Existential Crisis," and while it remains true that nihilism is not part of the Fremulon ethos, I underestimated everyone involved. Sometime after that reaction, I learned from a Michael Schur interview that the writers have regular Skype lectures from a couple of philosophy professors, which frankly is more intellectual dedication than I expect from most humans, much less extremely busy TV-producing ones. Having learned that, it no longer surprises me that the writers understand that acknowledging absurdity (in the parlance of some French existentialists) or "the nothing" (as a Heideggerian might put it) is just the beginning of existentialism. But it does still surprise me a little that they trust a broadcast audience to take this seriously. Probably that says more about me than about them.

ANYWAY, in Chapter 18, faced with Michael's apathy about human ethics, Chidi guesses that being an immortal among immortals makes consequences for one's actions seem, well, inconsequential. Given enough time, guilt fades, and so does pain. For Chidi, confronting the inevitability of death is a necessary prerequisite for the study of ethics (I don't think this is a premise all ethicists necessarily subscribe to, but it does make sense for a scholar of French philosophy to think this), so he asks if Michael can die. We learn again about The Eternal Shriek, but this time Michael's not performing, and for apparently the first time ever he considers the possibility of this really happening to him. This being a comedy, Chidi's plan succeeds too well, and Michael entirely loses his shit, appropriately becoming a living version of The Scream, and proceeding straight from existential crisis to midlife crisis, as Eleanor puts it. He changes his clothes and hair, asks Janet to play-act as ditzy arm-candy Jeanette, gets drunk (or whatever the demon equivalent is), and in his sad-old-party-dude recklessness nearly ruins the ruse with Vicky. 

Michael is where most college freshmen first encountering existentialism are: If everything dies, nothing matters! Fuck it! I speak from experience, but also this is where most people encountering existentialism outside of a classroom (where they're forced to read further) stop, whether they then prematurely dismiss all of existentialism or childishly embrace this stage. Here, it's up to Eleanor -- and Kristen Bell playing in a somewhat more melancholy register than usual -- to confront her memories of her father's death, and talk Michael down from self-destruction (and Team Cockroach-destruction). Sad things happen a lot, so most humans are always carrying around at least a little bit of Sad. But they deal. Michael observes that this sucks, but he gets it together and recommits to the long-term plan of self-improvement.

Meanwhile, chez Tahani: "I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So, I simply did myself." And with that I'll hand it off to the rest of you.

MIRI:

I focused all of my humanities and social sciences credits in undergrad on my English major and anther minor, so I’m pretty damn unequipped to respond to the particulars of philosophy going on here, but I will say that I’m continually impressed by the writers’ ability to make it engaging, understandable to the lay audience, and (presumably) satisfying to those who have genuinely studied philosophy. It’s a very impressive line to walk and the fact that they do it while also being one of the funniest shows on television should be celebrated. (I can offer a tight five on how annoying Jaques Derrida is if we ever veer towards deconstructionism? Semiotics in general I can probably sting together a semi intelligent response.)

The “all human beings are a little bit sad always” argument feels partially like a return to my favorite line of season 1, which makes me very, very happy. When discussing the many fro yo spots in town, Michael (fake)marvels over that human trait of “Taking something great and ruining it a little so you can have more of it.” While Michael the character may have been playing us all and probably meant it as an insult underneath the Good Place exterior, I think Michael Schur the creator meant it. (I WILL NEVER BE OVER THE NAME THING OH MY GOD HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT?!) And I don’t think he meant it as an entirely bad thing. 

Sometimes we decide that a lot of something very good is what we want more than a little of something amazing. We don’t know how to not be sad, so we learn to be happy while also being sad. We’re loud and messy and we get in our own ways, but we figure out how to make that work and we live our lives. We’ve talked about the inherent hope/optimism in Fremulon shows, and this is very much the Good Place version of that: people are deeply flawed, but they can still be good too. People can make stupid decisions and still enjoy them. Being perfect may not be an option, but it was never the goal anyway.

And to totally pivot away from that, I guess I’ll be the frat bro in this equation and say yes, Tahani did herself, and she did Jason too! Whaaaaat. (I’m not even sorry.) I don’t know if I’m interested in a Jason/Tahani romance. Of course, that may not be what they’re doing at all! Either way, a Jason/Tahani friendship does interest me a lot. Anyone else?

ADAM:

I don't have much to say about this episode, but I was fully entertained by it. Michael's midlife crisis is how I picture/hope Sam Malone is acting today (CHEERS fans will know what I'm talking about). 

Once again, I'm glad Tahani is getting some room to play. I would say that with this misstep that she experienced with her party, she learns how to throw a better party in the future. Also, I guess they are going to have a possible will they won't they with her and Jason. Will they be this show’s Andy and April, or Santiago and Peralta? We know that there will eventually a Chidi and Eleanor romance, but the Tahani and Jason coupling makes sense as a bit of an appetizer to the eventual main course that is the love between Eleanor and Chidi. 

I'm curious to know what everyone thought about all the "smart" insight this episode came from Jason and Eleanor, the two people who don't really get (nor care) other people's feelings. It just goes to show that you don't have to be all book smart, nor a do-gooder to be the best person to understand someone's plight. I guess this rings back to Miri's point, maybe? I feel like I just rambled on that one. 

KRIS:

Apparently Schur gets the "Did you name Michael after yourself" question a lot, but he says in that aforementioned interview that he came up with the name when he visited a cathedral and was struck by a rendering of Michael the archangel.

I like the idea of a Jason-Tahani friendship if that's what ends up happening, but I feel like I'll in principle be a little annoyed if all four of the human characters end up romantically paired. Someday I'm going to have to unpack why I'm reflexively skeptical of romances. Part of it is that I don't like the idea of them taking up a lot of real estate in stories that are primarily about something else. (I'm not annoyed with couples who enter a story as couples.) And/or maybe it's just that I'm used to movie ones being unconvincing? That's probably a lot of it; there was a post in our Tumblr feed a little while ago where someone said they realized they didn't object to romances per se, but to paint-by-numbers "romances" that are really just "guy wins girl-as-prize," which makes sense. But I also think that having series regs end up with romances with each other runs the risk of making the world feel weirdly small. 

Then again, basically everyone who came into B99 single has had a significant romantic subplot, and I stopped objecting to it a long time ago.

What's interesting about Jason making Tahani feel better is that it comes from his seeing her the way she's always wanted the world to see her -- effortlessly amazing -- when he's not even the one she's trying to impress. He's also been liberated from the burden of having to hide his identity, which was where their conflict came from last season; I don't know that I've ever thought of Jason as being particularly uncaring. 

Even as the story has leaned more on Michael/Danson, I'm glad that Eleanor has still made most of the choices that matter. I think her agency as a protagonist is the main consideration in giving her the insight that pulls Michael from the brink, but on a character level there's something to consider about how most of Chidi's problems in life were self-inflicted and largely unresolved, whereas Eleanor had a rough childhood that she overcame, if incompletely. Chidi may understand the problem better intellectually and have to point it out for her, but Eleanor's in a better position to know how that problem feels.

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