#but then she decides you're not good enough and you're not worthy anymore.. so what then huh.

[swordmaid]

the thing is. shri'iia has to be super fucking terrible in early act 1. it's very important for her to make super terrible decisions and just be a general cunt so it makes her fall from grace feel even more heavy for. bc otherwise it'll feel like whatever to me... personally. but it does not feel good for me, the witness the player the person controlling this whole shebang to watch arabella get bitten by the snake then die because it just makes sense for shri'iia's character at that moment to not intervene 😭. any instance where zevlor is asking help with the tiefling refugees she's like i'm out 🏃‍♀️. she doesn't care about the tieflings. or the druids. all she cares about is getting her cure and if they can't do anything for her then she won't do anything for them.

but i hate to see it personally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gabessquishytum]

Hi Gabe! Hope you're well! This one was inspired by this art

There's a statue in the middle of the woods near the village Morpheus lives in. No one knows from where it came nor for how long it has been there, but everyone knows one thing: sometimes, if you ask and you're lucky enough, it can grant you a wish.

Some people believe the statue grants the wishes based on how worthy you are, some believe it's based on how worthy the wish itself is. Some believe it's pure luck, and some believe it's all a load of bullshit, complete coincidence. Morpheus doesn't know what to believe.

He has seen the statue a few times before, when he was still young - it's a plump man, with thick arms, thighs and chest, a belly that rests confortably on his lap, wavy hair that reaches strong shoulders and frames a face that is so beautiful and serene it has made more than one person cry. The man is sat on a boulder and a single piece of cloth wraps his body in gentle folds, and his position makes it seem like he's offering his hands and a conforting smile to whoever is kneeling before him.

He didn't see the statue for years after he left the village in pursue of a life with Nada - that is, before Nada decided she wanted nothing to do with him. Nor did he see it after Alianora, or Killala, or Thessaly. Even Calliope, the one he believed was his soulmate from the moment they locked eyes, had broken their courting.

Too clingy, they said. Always hovering, always wishing to be close, always offering food and disrupting whatever they were doing, until he himself got lost in his drawings and paintings and they couldn't get a hold of him for days, sometimes weeks. Drawings and paintings in which he poured his love for them, only for them to leave before it was finished - and then Morpheus would throw the canvases and sheets of paper in the fire.

The day after Calliope left, Morpheus came back to the village. He haunted his home for days, and then the grounds when he started feeling too empty. He started going farther and farther from the estate each night, until he happened upon the clearing and the statue. And Morpheus let himself believe, just for a single moment.

He kneled before the statue, placed his hands above the man's, looked into his eyes, and wished for someone who would let him love them, and love him back just as fiercelly.

The next day, Morpheus woke up to a man resting on the settee and smiling at him, a single piece of cloth wraping his golden, furry body in gentle folds.

(is this anything? idk lol Have a good day!)

Hmnnnggg yeH this is something. Still haven't played bg3 btw but I still get very excited when I see Gale art. Esp if he gets to have some tummy.

I absolutely love this. First the idea of Dream kneeling in supplication before the statue and just wishing for someone to love! Someone who will stay! Someone who will understand. He feels a little bit silly but it's actually rather comforting, and he stays a long time with his cheek pressed against the statue's thigh. If nothing else, he's released some pent up emotions.

But the next day his life changes forever. The statue is sitting in his house - except it isn't a statue anymore. Its a real, flesh and blood man. With dimpled cheeks and gentle eyes. Dream can't do anything except stare in complete loss and confusion.

"So sorry to barge in." The man says. "But you did make a wish, didn't you? I heard, and I thought... well, I'm sure I could love you in the way that you're looking for."

Dream sits down heavily, with his mouth still hanging open. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say! This man is too beautiful to be true, he's sure that he must be dreaming. How on earth could a statue come alive, and why would he choose to grant Dream’s wish???

"I'll make some tea. I know it's a lot to take in." The man says kindly. "I'm Hob. In case you were wondering."

And he walks off to put Dream’s kettle on the stove, carelessly allowing his fabric covering to shift over his body as it pleases. Dream gulps, staring at Hob’s soft swaying arse cheeks. If this is a dream, then he never wants to wake up!

[foundfamilyblog]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ARCANES ENDING BELOW:

Now, this is off topic for my blog but I'd like to shed light on something.

Arcanes ending. Namely the end of Jinx's character arc is what I believe to be one of the finest pieces of writing in the modern world with no exception. When Jinx is born at the end of 103 we see what happens to someone who heals wrong, we see the kind of monster they become when they aren't nurtured and given a proper environment to heal in. Powder becomes a monster known as Jinx who goes on to commit multiple acts of terrorism against Piltover. The way she feeds into this idea of being a monster as a way of lashing out at the pain she's felt from being "abandoned" by Vi is so incredibly realistic and relatable that it begs the question what has happened in the writers lives that allow them to understand such a transformation so thoroughly.

Then, at the end of season 1 we see Powder/Jinx finally embrace her new self with no more qualms about her identity, truly and finally one. Without any need to hold back anymore, she does something truly unforgivable and without redemption in the form of 9/11ing Piltover. Even in this moment though, she screams and cries in pain at how her old life is well and truly gone. The emotional turmoil of what she's done and what she's doing is too much to handle. To violently tear a new life out from the broken and beaten body of your old one is something no soul should have to do, but she does, and she makes it relatable.

Once we see her again in season 2, she has become much more lucid and comfortable in her own body as Jinx, the hallucinations have subsided for the most part and her inner turmoil is appropriately dealt with. Additionally she has a goal in mind now, she's chosen who she is and she knows what she wants to do: Kill Vi. The new life she has built for herself is purposeful, deliberate, no more a mish mash of two clashing ideals.

She wants to solidify her role as a monster once and for all, which ends in an epic battle between her and her sister, and at the very end of the fight right before she's taken out for good? A single soul sees the value in her life and risks everything to protect her. A child. Everyone, even Jinx is shocked by this because how could anyone ever love an ugly, broken thing like her? Let alone risk their life for her? The shock this instills in everyone buys Jinx enough time to escape with the kid, Isha. Imagine performing such horrible, inconceivable actions with no remorse and being full of such hatred, and then one person decides you're worth it. Just one person decides you are worthy of love and that they do love you and want you around. Can you imagine how that would shatter your world view? Being full of such self hatred and hatred for the world around you only to be shown warmth even in those times? This is exactly what happens to Jinx.

When we see her next, some time has passed, and she's even begun to drop the name Jinx. Her new friend, Isha, and her have begun a new life together and they look out for each other. The way Jinx describes her new life is "like I'm looking through glasses, except I can't tell if everything's blurry or clear." And what's clear to us as the audience is that Jinx is FINALLY healing. She is finally beginning to find some peace after all she has been through, and all it took was ONE soul, one singular person to love her even after all she had done. We go on to see her reunite with her sister, and somewhat with her father. We get to watch her slowly rebuild the life that was stolen from her and reconnect with those she lost, and those she hurt. This represents hope and change, rebirth and love, that maybe your sins aren't who you are. That you can change and love and be so wonderfully you with those who love you!

Isha dies. Isha, Jinx's anchor to the world, dies protecting her. Yet again Jinx loses everything. Her father is taken from her yet again in the process and the exact trauma that shaped her into Jinx is entirely recreated. Except, this time? There's no insanity. There's no hallucinations and mania. There's no rage or hate or flames or explosions or chaos or screaming. It's just sad. Nothing but sorrow fills Jinx up as she loses her one and only friend. She intends to kill herself at this point. She looks back at her life and sees how everyone she gets close to dies, gets hurt, or she in some way is preventing from being happy. That she alone is the perpetuator of a cycle of violence that has plagued her families lives for years and years. So she decides to give them closure. She tells Vi she can stop feeling bad for being happy and move on, she tells Cait she didn't know her Mom was in the explosion, and she leaves. Nothing more, just leaves. Doesn't tell anyone what she's going to do, she just does it. The intense guilt she feels is palpable in every breath she takes, it's clear she just wants to quietly leave this world without hurting anyone, just this once. Then the time finally comes, to end her life and finally be free of it all. Only to be stopped. One more remnant of her old life comes back and convinces her to stick around a little longer. Somehow, she agrees, but we all know that this is only temporary. The guilt someone feels after doing something so terrible, so unforgivable, can't be cleansed by a single conversation. She hates herself and just wants to stop hurting people, but she still has a small spark, something in her that has hope she can do good. So she delays her death to try one more time to be kind.

Next we see her, she's got a new look and is fighting alongside Vi, instead of against. She acknowledges their connection and at a pivotal moment, takes the fall. She saves her sisters life and "sacrifices" herself in the process. At the very last moment, she understands that there's another way out of her pain and hurting everyone around her instead of dying. She fakes her own death to everyone and escapes the country quietly. She tells no one and quietly escapes, with everyone having the closure of her death.

No more chasing her, no more thinking of what she might be plotting, no more hoping the old her will return. It's just over.

Her final action in Arcane is one of kindness, and healing to those she hurt. It is not redemption, but it is understanding. She accepts she is a bad person and may very well still hate herself, however she at the very least opens herself up to a new life far from those she hurt. And I think that's beautiful.

Anyway this is just my personal interpretation of the ending, I'm open to new ideas and down to discuss though! Btw I didn't proof read this so if it seems messed up anywhere that's why.

[lady-of-tearshed]

Winds of change

Eris Vanserra centered

Eris Vanserra Week 2024

@erisweekofficial

Day 4 : Traditions

Summary: New ruler, new traditions, new ways of thinking. In this fic, Eris has to make his old tutor, Ms,Crawford, who is now tutoring his eldest son Aster, a clear reminder that the Autumn Court education system has changed. For the better.

Word count: 777 words (Ooooh, a lucky number! 🥰)

Warnings: Angry Eris.

Dividers made by @tsunami-of-tears 🤎

🔥Based on this prompt 🔥

Eris' head was still throbbing painfully from this endless progress update meeting about Autumn's new education system. He had spent a good thirty minutes in the quiet meeting room once everyone had left.

Once the headache subsided only slightly after a few deep breaths, Eris stood up, slowly, testing his balance. Once he felt stable enough to stand on his legs, he walked slowly around the large table occupying the center of the room. He pushed each chair back into its place, enjoying the last moments of peace he could get before switching to his second role: being a dad.

Eris only left the throne room when everything was clean and organized. A servant could've, and would've done it for him, sure. But leaving his work place clean also helped him to return home with a clear head.

His muscles were sore, his feets heavy as they dragged him through the endless corridors leading him to the Forest House, to his home, and his body craved yours. Desperately. But fate had other plans for him, it seemed.

Eris winced at the too familiar tempo of heels limping his way. He turned around to face the old hag that tutored him back in his young days and sighed. He truly wondered to himself why he had decided to keep her in this palace, why he hadn't cared to find a remplacement for her.

Probably because he had pitied her, sadly.

“High Lord,” Her voice was so whiny, nasally, that it only worsened Eris' headache. And temper.

“Talk with my assistant for an appointment, Ms.Crawford. I have things to do,”

Eris shoved her off, trying to hurry back to you and his kids-

“It's about Aster,”

The growl in her voice made Eris worry. He turned around, more willing to listen to her. He knew that Aster, his eldest, had quite a … heated temper. He was a troublesome boy, indeed, but very clever. Aster didn't really enjoy school, which Eris could understand, since himself wasn't very pleased to spend his young days learning what this old hag had to teach him. But it had made him grow into a strong leader, yes, but mostly into a strong person. Because in Eris' opinion, knowledge was power. And it was a must that his kids were tutored for at least a few years.

“What about my son?”

Ms.Crawford leaned onto her cane, peering into Eris' amber eyes like she had done when he was just a young Fae. But her authority didn't shake him, not anymore. So he stood tall, and tucked his hands into his pockets, waiting.

“Today, he refused to use his magic,”

Eris raised a brow. “He respected his limits, so?”

“My Lord, with all due respect,” She spat, and Eris' eyes lit up with dark flames, “The boy will never be worthy to keep his title of Heir to the throne of Autumn Court if he won't risk to test the limits of his powers. It should be an honor for him to-”

“Say one more word,” Eris hissed, towering the woman from all his height, “And I'll send you to the farthest spot of this continent and exile you from my Court forever.”

Eris was panting. His fists were clenched on his sides and sparks of fire were crackling all around him. But the old hag stood tall, unshakable. “I am only trying to educate your son, High Lord,”

“Your ruler has changed, methods of education have changed. I thought I had made that clear with you when I had been kind enough to not find a replacement for you. But you're making me regret this decision with every damn word you dare to utter,” Eris gulped, reigning in his magic to prevent it turning this old lady into a mere pile of ashes. “I am not raising soldiers, nor rulers. I am raising kids, good kids; and when they grow up it will be up to them to decide what they do with the powers they were given,”

Eris stepped back, his eyes still piercing holes through Ms.Crawford's face. “I shall summon you to discuss your tutoring contract, soon. Until then, I hope you'll follow the new educational expectations of this Court. Have I made myself clear?”

The old hag frown turned into a sly grin, barely noticeable. When she turned to leave, she peered at Eris over her shoulder. “I knew you'd be a strong ruler one of these days, Eris Vanserra. Times and methods have changed, yes, but I've taught you well,” She said, then left. Her old, frail legs supported her on her way out of this palace.

Taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @lilah-asteria @acotar-lover

[aboutnavi]

I was brushing my teeth, reflecting about life, & my mind went back to AFTG and there is a scene on the first book that it has been stuck on my brain since I read the trilogy again this January and it's about Seth. Now, I know the fandom -in general- barely talk about Seth because Nora decided to kill him off for shock value and when people try to talk about him, it always comes back to 'he was a homophobic, disgusting piece of shit' which yes, valid but also, are we forgetting Aaron? The babyfication of Aaron in this fandom had everyone collectively forgetting he was exactly like Seth (even worse: towards his family!!!). Two wrongs doesn't make one right & I'm in no way justifying Seth's action but if we never talk about characters on AFTG just because they were problematic, we are not talking about any of them, ever (ok maybe some of them, but still).

My point is: the scene. Neil is confused as to why Seth hates Kevin -specifically him- so much, since Seth could get along with most people if he wanted and tried hard enough but he refused to give ground to Kevin & his answer is just so humanly heartbreaking it goes to my list of moments Nora did something right in AFTG. The scene goes like this:

Neil: Why do you hate him?

Seth: Because I'm sick of him getting everything he wants just because he's Kevin Day. Do you know what fame gets you, shitface? Everything. All he has to do is ask for it, and someone will give it to him. Doesn't matter what. Doesn't matter who. The world is dying to give him anything he wants. When he broke his hand, his fans cried for him. They flooded our locker room with letters and flowers. The amazing Kevin Day can't play anymore. Their lives were over. They'd grieve the loss forever. But tell me when's the last time anyone cried over you? Never, right? They're there for Kevin every step of the way, but where were they when we needed them?

Neil, stupidly: So you're jealous.

Seth: His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.

Neil first instinct is to say jealousy because jealousy is something he understands (he felt jealous of Kevin for having a future, for being able to play, for the talent, for the life he never got to live when his mother ran away, etc.) but for me what Seth is trying to portrait is more like the painful awareness that you get when you realize you're also worthy of love and care. Seth is such an unexplored character who had so much potential if Nora hadn't killed him for the sake of showing how Riko could be/was dangerous (and she could have done that in so many different ways!!!) & you can see that on, for example, Nora's post about his life. Seth was always the no-priority person, the kid no one payed attention to, the boy that if killed, not even his mother would come for the funeral. He was every aspect a Fox and he spent his entire life being told he was no one and to be able to say his life is not more important than mine shows so much development; the chance he had put on himself for being open to love, to care, to second and third chances... it was all there. It breaks my heart that he never got the chance to become something. & I do not believe he was an inherently bad person? They are so young in AFTG, all of them. Maybe Seth wasn't bad; maybe he was just twenty-two, you know?

& on the extra content when they tell Allison he died and she goes 'He called me not even an hour ago! He was drunk and rambling but he was happy for the first time in weeks. He was talking about how he finally thought graduating would be okay, about how he wanted me to help him look into grad schools. He wanted to go into social work and help people like he helps us. I know he wanted to die! Everyone knows he wanted to die! Every time he said he was done with life I walked away from him and every time he came chasing after me. This is the first time--he wanted to live.' breaks my heart.

Because, ok, Seth dies. Let's pretend it was a good idea for him to die to set some sort of impact on the story for a second. Except his death goes without much fuss. The shock Nora wanted is felt for maybe three seconds, in one paragraph in the last page of TFC and then we barely talk about Seth on TRK and TKM. Neil can't even understand how impactful was Seth's death - he only cares about how it will affect the game & his guilt is more about how Allison would feel towards him then sadness over losing a teammate - and this insight we get from Allison is from the extra content and not everyone goes on to read those so if Nora wanted something out of his death - pity, shock, sadness, or whatever - she should have put this scene IN THE BOOKS.

[deceasedream69]

Ignoring

Summary: Jake x reader. A little angsty but fluffy ending.

A/n: a lot of Spanish that doesn't really matter to the plot, so I'm not gonna translate.

Reader has scarlet with powers.

--------------------------------------------------

- "but then, le dijo que no quería estar peleando, y todos estábamos viendo y..."

I got carried away with excitement as I was telling a story I considered funny to Jake. I liked the idea that because he spoke Spanish I could just let myself lose in my own native language.

- "I don't understand a thing you're narrating my darling, but you look so beautiful today"

That cut me off and I turned to look at the same face, but different person now. Did Steven really planned to come out right now in the middle of my conversation with Jake? Was Jake bored and just decided to switch and let my rambling for another alter. Of course that alter was going to be Steven.

- "hi, love, I'm sorry for the confusion, I was just gossiping with Jake", I kissed him sweetly and lay down with him before falling asleep. I still had a lot of doubts in my mind that I was sure I had to attend later.

-

- "y luego...", I started my experiment again, there's no way Jake was going to switch so fast, he's been with me for like 10 minutes, it'll be too suspicious or exactly the answer I was looking for. "Pero, pues, no me quise meter porque ya sabes cómo es Tara cuando..."

His eyes looked hypnotized, paying full attention to my words, brows furrowed together for brief moments and his head supported by his hand while he nodded to my words.

- "Hi, Steven", I smiled, tho, inside it hurted knowing damn well what just happened.

- "it always amazes me how you can tell us appart without even saying anything"

I kissed him sweetly.

- "have a good night, my love"

- "you too, my darling"

I couldn't hold it anymore, I was so angry. I checked Steven, he was deep into his sleep, carefully I got out of bed and walked out of the apartment.

A sigh escaped my mouth before walking towards the window. I crawled out of it, the fresh and cold air of the night hitting my face and making me easen up, but not enough.

I flew to where I knew I could let myself go freely. An abandoned building.

I came crushing through the ceiling, all the way from the top, to the bottom. When I reached the bottom I grabbed the first thing that crossed my path, smashing it against the wall, repeating the same over and over and over.

How could he do that to me, was I boring? Where my stories boring? If it's not about sex it isn't worth it to even be out? Just spending time together at least, no, it wasn't enough for him, I wasn't enough.

I broke, smashed and exploded the whole building down, kneeling in front of it when it was almost just ashes. But the last line still ringed through my mind.

I wasn't enough.

Moon knight's pov.

I felt when y/n left the bed, I thought she was just going to the bathroom, but a fair amount of time passed and she didn't come back. Lazily I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, my eyes not fully open and my steps clumsy.

- "babe", I knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"

I yawned and scratched the parts of my body that suddenly were itchy, as I grew more and more sleepy.

- "y/n?" I opened the bathroom door but there was no one there. "Y/n?!" I checked the entire apartment and she wasn't there.

- "this isn't funny, mi vida" I tried calling her but her phone was in the house, that's when I really got worried.

Until a spark caught my eye, outside the window.

The red lights glowing wild and standing out in the dark and lights dead city.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and got changed into my suit.

Y/n's pov.

I couldn't take it anymore, my powers blinked as I lowered my hands, my legs were shaking slightly and my head was spinning, making my vision go blurry.

Moon knight's pov.

When I arrived I was ready to fight whatever y/n was fighting, but an old building wasn't really a worthy opponent.

- "y/n?" I knelt in front of her, turning her slightly, caressing her cheek, she seemed fine, just tired. Taking her in my arms, we came back to the apartment, quickly taking my suit off.

Y/n's pov

Cold.

It was very cold.

I didn't like it, just wanted to stop feeling that coldness. I angrily groaned and tried to move, but my head felt heavy, trying to keep my eyes closed in case the lights could hurt them, but I started to open the slowly, very slowly.

- "too cold", I hugged my own body.

- "are you kidding me? You want me to burn my fingers?"

- "this is hot for you?", I whimpered and hugged myself tightly, putting my knees to my chest level.

- "stop complaining and we'll finish faster"

- "it's too cold"

He sighed in defeat.

- "fine", he turned the hot water knob just a little bit, but enough for my taste.

His touch was slow and careful, my hair was already washed when I woke up.

After picking me up from the bathtub and carrying me to the bed, get got me underwear and lay next to me.

- "can you explain to me what happened today?"

This wasn't Jake, it was softer.

- "thanks for going for me, Marc"

- "anytime, love, but that doesn't answer my question"

- "I got mad at Jake", I wasn't really maintaining eye contact. Too nervous and tired to even try.

- "why were you mad at Jake, love? What did he do?", he lifted my chin with his finger, everything was quiet, the whole moment was just us, which made me even more nervous to talk about what I felt, what happened... and how I couldn't really control my anger at the end.

- " can I talk to him?"

- "I thought your were mad at him"

- "I need to... please..."

He hugged me, making us spoon, him behind me, his arm snaked in front of me.

- "talk to me, mi Cielo"

- "do you think I'm boring? Does something I do makes you feel the need to stop listening to me so desperately you have to change alter"

- "what?", he whispered. I turned around, now facing him.

- "if you're not comfortable listening to something I'm saying, or you just find me annoying, you can just say so, and not make me waste my saliva", I said turning again so he was facing my back.

- "didn't mean to make you feel that way"

- "how did you expect me to react when you just changed to stop listening to me"

He just stayed silent and hold me tighter.

- "I don't always have the best responses, Steven does"

- "I wasn't telling the story to Steven, specially when I'm speaking Spanish", I closed my eyes, making sure I didn't get angry again.

- "tomorrow we're going to that new restaurant you told me about, and you're gonna tell me everything you want, and I'll listen"

- "you can tell me anything you want too, you can trust me", I said facing him again.

- "I know I can... I'm just not sure I deserve..."

- "don't you dare say that, mi Cielo, te amo, I love you with all my heart, and I always will, that's why I love speaking with you and spending time with you, just like I love doing any of those things with any of you three, but when I feel like you love doing it with me too"

- "I'm sorry", he grabbed my hand and kissed it

- "I'm sorry too", I kissed his hand too and he laughed.

- "I don't deserve you...", he smiled, "te amo"

- "te amo" I kissed him sweetly as we fell asleep holding each other.

The end :)

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [2]

chapter two, act one: antichrist

May 29th 2010

"You've what?"

"Changed the name of the band."

Comes the reply over the phone, "Why?"

Adam sighs on the other end, "Not sure, think Matty's going through an existential crisis again."

She snorts, "When is he not?"

She twirls the pen in her hand as she leans back, and lifts her feet to rest on her desk, "What's the name?"

"Uh, 19- sorry, the 1975."

She starts laughing, holding a hand to her mouth to hold it back, but the smile can be seen from miles away.

"He's very specific about the."

"Yeah?"

Adam hums, "Is it some kind of inside joke?" He asks, "Your tattoos? I don't get it, he won't tell anyone."

"Our little secret, Ads."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm just glad I don't have to describe to girls why we're called Drive Like I Do, anymore."

"What girls?" She teases and she hears him laugh sarcastically on the other end.

It's silent for a few moments, and she picks at a string on her cardigan, "We've got another gig lined up."

"Really?"

"Yeah, a few, you gonna come up soon?"

She sighs, "I don't know, Ads, maybe."

"Matty uh, he bought your book yesterday. Was pissed I got a free one and he didn't."

She scoffs, "Didn't want him stealing my stuff again."

Adam laughs too, "It's great, Tommie, really. You're an amazing writer, you should do something with that."

"Maybe."

"No, you should." He says firmly.

She glances to the side, the little book sitting there staring at her, 75 pages of her own work. Her writing, her words, her poetry.

"Has he, uh, has he read it?"

"About a hundred times."

"Really?"

Adam hums, "We all have. It's good, Tommie." He hesitates a second, then adds, "Song worthy, band worthy."

"I'm not-"

"Yeah, I know. Thought I'd try again."

She wants to get off topic now, and talk about something other than her work. The thought of Matty reading it, understanding it, makes a red blush rise up her neck and across her cheeks.

"Did you hear what Nan and Granch are doing?"

"No." She can imagine his furrowed brows and confused tilted head, one that makes him look so much like their grandfather.

"Moving to France, or Spain, they haven't decided."

Adam laughs, "A place in the sun?"

"All the time, I can't come downstairs and see it on tele anymore, I'm going crazy, If it's not that it's an antique roadshow making him think he can become some sort of pawnbroker."

Adam chuckles again, "I think he's bored."

"I know, being retired doesn't suit him, he's trying to convince Nan to retire but she's still got four years before she's old enough."

"Doubt she will either, she loves her little break from him once a day."

"How is it over there?" He asks then, "At the McDuff household?"

"Great, actually, great."

"Tommie?"

She hums, moving her position so her feet are back on the floor, going back to staring at her notes for her English class, "How's things at the Fern household?"

"Well, dad's pissed he lost the custody battle. But, he did turn up to court drunk four times, so... that's his own fault."

"He seen you?"

"He asked me to go to dinner with him three weeks ago, still waiting for him to pick me up."

"What time was he supposed to be there?" Adam asks.

"Three weeks ago." She repeats slowly.

She hears him sighs, can imagine the pity falling off of him, "Tommie-"

She cuts him off quickly, not wanting the pity, "Nan's calling me, think dinner is ready, I'll call you monday when I get more credit."

"Okay, bye, Tommie."

"Bye, Ad."

Adam turns away as he hangs up, opening up the door again to step back inside Matty's place. Despite the early hour, seven thirty, both Ross and George are passed out on a sofa each. Matty's curled up on the beanbag he'd brought down from his bedroom, book in hand, glasses on, leaving the armchair open to Adam.

"She okay?"

"Yeah, revising for exams."

Matty nods, not tearing his eyes away from the page, "What do you think she means by 'watch my inane tears'?"

Adam looks up, "What?"

"In her one poem, she's written, 'the consequential ignorance, as you watch my inane tears', what do you think she means by that?"

"You know, if there was a poem in there about you, she'd have told me."

Matty closes the book, sending him something between a glare and an embarrassed look, "That's not what I'm trying to find out. I-"

He sighs looking away, "Your cousin is a very private person. She only reveals things she wants to, and I'm very nosy." The other boy just raises a brow slowly, "I'm trying to understand how her mind works, she's- so, I don't know, her mind is just- amazing."

"But," Matty asks, "What do you think she means?"

"Which poem is it?"

"The art of eye contact."

Adam remembers their conversation where she talked about it, "It's about her father, ignoring her and moving on to the next child. So, I guess she means like- I don't know." Adam shakes his head then looks at Matty, "But I have a feeling you think you do?"

"Well, I had to use a dictionary, no idea what inane means, or how to pronounce it. But according to the dictionary, it means, 'lacking sense'." Matty sighs, "I think it's her saying that her tears are worthless because they make no sense, she's been holding them back for so long at this point she's crying over things she doesn't need to cry over."

He looks up at Adam, "Is she okay? When you talked to her?"

"She's fine, Matty."

"Really?"

"Yup."

He nods, then he looks down at the page again watching his scruffy handwriting in blue ink beside the printed words as he reads the poem over and over until it's engraved in his head.

, by Tommie McDuff

-poem has been removed for ‘real life’ reasons-

(poetry competitions lol)

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

June 3rd 2010

Sixteen.

She thought maybe it would feel different but as she rolls over, noticing the yellow post-it note that's been placed on her pillow she sighs.

Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Working late tonight, see you then x

As she scrumples the paper up and tosses it into the plastic bin beneath her desk she lays back down in bed.

She thought being sixteen would be different, thought being sixteen would make her mother try and stay around for a birthday.

She sighs then checks the time, eight-thirty. She doesn't have an exam today, next one is on the eight, history and maths. She hates maths.

Hearing her grandfather tottering around downstairs forces her up, she smiles when her foot hits something and recognises her nans terrible wrapping skills lying at the bottom of her bed.

When she unwraps it she smiles at the soft fabric. A little knitted green cardigan lays inside and she lifts it up.

Her nan's been really into knitting lately, reading books on it until she perfects the little thing.

Tommie had asked for a new cardigan, the one she'd bought got caught on a door at school and ripped, she'd been heartbroken. It was her nannie's, the only thing she'd had of her after she died.

She pulls on some grey sweats, an old Stereophonics t-shirt then her new green cardigan over the top and heads downstairs quickly.

"Morning."

The dog, Taffie, is the first to greet her, the little Jack Russell that's still like a puppy despite her age of fourteen.

She leans down to pat the dog's side, smiling as she turns to lick at her hand.

"Good morning."

She stands quickly turning to the settee, "Hey."

"Cute slippers."

She rolls her eyes, looking down at the little cow slippers on her feet, "What are you doing here?"

Matty grins, looking up as her nan walks in with a cup of tea in her hands, "There you go, Matty."

"Thanks, Mag."

She settles beside him and then notices her granddaughter, "Tommie, happy birthday."

She gets back up to kiss her on the cheek and she smiles, "Thank you, and thanks for my present."

"Granch has got some pancakes on."

She goes back out into the kitchen with a promise of a cup of tea for her and then Tommie goes back to looking at Matty.

"Happy birthday, Tommie."

She smiles sitting beside him, "Thank you. But seriously, what are you doing here?"

"Fulfilling my life goal."

She rolls her eyes a little and shakes her head, "Matty..."

"What?" He shrugs a little avoiding her burning gaze.

She plays with the sleeves of her new cardigan, "It's four hours here from Manchester, and it's only nine."

"Actually, it's three hours and fifteen minutes, and I've been here since eight."

"Matty."

He shrugs, "I couldn't sleep, then I thought to myself, 'Wow my amazingly talented and funny best friend has her birthday today, I should go see her'."

"Thank you," She says again, "But you didn't have to."

"But, I wanted to-"

"Breakfast for the birthday girl."

She smiles at her grandfather as he walks in, he places a kiss on her forehead, "Happy birthday, my little flower."

"Thanks, Granch."

As he hands her the plate he checks his watch, "Oh shit, I've got to go. Late to go to the station."

He kisses her head once more, "Happy birthday."

"See you tonight."

"Tomorrow," He says as he leaves, "I've got to pick up a night shift."

Her nan shakes her head, "He's supposed to be retired. Always running off to 'look after' the engines."

Her nan sticks around until lunchtime, pestering both her and Matty to make sure they eat something before she leaves for her shift at work.

"What do you usually do on your birthday?"

"Sit around, watch tele, eat, cry, eat, watch more tele, eat."

He groans loudly, "Right, get up, put some actual trousers on, and some suitable footwear, we're going out."

"Out? Where, you've been here twice before. And got lost trying to find ASDA."

"I've been researching."

"You asked, Adam?"

He blinks at her slowly, "Get dressed."

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

"Gonna tell me where we're going?"

He sighs, fingers drumming the wheel, "I have to, I have no idea where I'm going." She chuckles, "I was going to take you to that ice cream place, in Brecon."

She smiles to herself, "Third exit on this roundabout."

She turns back to look at him then with a smile, "You're taking me for ice cream."

He nods, looking over at her with his own little smile, "Gonna make it the best birthday ever."

"No need," She says, leaning forward to mess around with the radio, "Already is."

"We haven't done anything yet."

She shrugs, "You're here, I've left the house and we're on our way to get ice cream," She turns back to look at him as Katy Perry fills the car, "It's already the best birthday I've ever had."

His smile only gets bigger as he keeps driving forward, taking in the beacons and the sunlight peeking through the trees as they go.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

"Where are we going?"

She laughs and keeps running, dragging him behind her through the field until finally, they stop, she turns walking backward then falls flat on her back.

He chuckles, walking closer, "What are you doing?"

"I used to do this as a kid with Granch, star gaze. He's a big constellation freak. Come here."

He sits beside her then slowly leans back into the grass, "Bet you've never seen stars like this, Healy, huh?"

He tilts his head, "They're so much brighter."

"That's 'cause the street lights in the city put all the stars to death."

"Wow." He chuckles and she turns to look at him, "How poetic of you."

"Shut up, it's true."

He sighs looking up, "Okay, what are the constellations?"

She snorts, "I don't know, never really paid much attention."

He tilts his head, "That one looks like a blunt."

She snorts, "You're such a junkie."

"A junkie wanna-be, baby."

She scoffs, "A sycophantic junkie."

He raises a brow, tilting his head down to look at her, "Really? Sycophantic? Thought I'd at least be like prophetic level."

"Since when could you see the future?"

He turns fully onto his side, "I can predict the future."

"Go on then, read me, Healy."

He closes his eyes, hovering his hand over her face and she giggles, he peeks one eye open to look down at her, "Shh, I need to concentrate."

She purses her lips, looking up at him as he closes his eyes again, his curly dark hair falling across his forehead causing him to try and blow it up out of the way.

"I see... a band-" She pushes his hand out the way but he fights back to keep it there, "And- an album. Loads of money, big houses, parties, celebrities, red carpets-"

"Wow, like living an actual nightmare."

He opens his eyes now, "You wouldn't want that?"

She shakes her head, "Not for me. I'd rather have enough money to get by and live in a little house with a dog or two alone, for the rest of my life."

"That's a sad life." She shrugs her shoulders, closes her eyes, and lays down again.

Matty sighs, shifting a little. He's the opposite of her, never one for silence whereas she thrives in it.

"What would your superpower be?"

"Um..." She sighs, brows furrowed and eyes still closed.

"Reading minds."

"Boring."

She elbows him in the rib and he dramatically cries out, rubbing the area, "Why is that boring?"

"It's such a basic answer."

"You don't even know why."

"Okay," He nods, turning to her, raising his one eyebrow in a challenging way, "Why?"

She flicks his forehead, "So I could see what's going on in there." He catches her wrist moving her hand away.

He shakes his head laughing and she laughs too, moving up onto her elbows, "What? I'd love to see inside your mind."

"Why? It's a scary place."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. But so I could see how you come up with your songs,. Like Lost Boys, ooh, and sex, where'd that one come from? I know for a fact little Matthew Healy never asked anyone to meet them in the back of his van."

"I did, actually."

"Lies." She calls him out immediately, then giggles to herself, "You sound like a paedo in that song."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome."

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Matty stops the car, pulling up the handbrake then looking over at her with a huge smile. "Home."

"Thank you." She says sincerely as she shrugs off the seatbelt.

"Happy Birthday, Tommie."

"Uh, you wanna stay? I can set up the spare room, it's in the attic and a little creepy but I'm not staying in there, so it'll have to do."

He chuckles, watching her pick at a string on her jeans, "I'm okay, I've got to get back anyway."

"This late?" She asks, she glances at the little watch on her wrist, brows furrowed and he chuckles at her confusion.

"Two twenty."

"At twenty past two in the morning? You've been here since early this morning, Matty, surely that's not healthy."

"I'll be fine."

"Healy."

He grabs her hands that pick at her thumb and squeezes it, "I've gone longer and further with no sleep, at least I've had a couple of hours."

She sighs, knowing he's too stubborn and she won't win. Nodding her head she opens her door and smiles as she leans down but he jumps up, unbuckling his seatbelt, "Wait, wait..."

He runs around to the back of the car, opening up the boot and calling her over. He takes a big case out and hands it to her but she hesitates, "Matt..."

"Happy Birthday."

"I-"

"Just open it, please."

She unzips the bag slowly gripping the guitar by the neck and then looks up to him. That adorable pout and head tilts of hers staring up at him.

"Matt."

"It's the one Alex Turner plays."

"I know." She smiles and nods quickly, looking down at the Fender Stratocaster in her hands. It's a dark green colour, her favourite.

She rubs her fingers over the colouring, plucking a few strings, briefly playing what he recognizes as a tune of crying lightning.

"I can't-"

"You can, it's a birthday present, can't give them back."

"It's too expensive."

"It's not just from me, it's from all of us."

Her shoulders drop quickly, "Is this some kind of ploy to get me in the band?"

"No, I think it was Adam's idea to get you to stop stealing his when you're over."

She looks down at the guitar again, she turns and sits on the edge of the boot, resting it on her thigh, "Play me something." He requests, hands in his pockets as he leans against the side of his car.

"What?"

"Anything."

She thinks for a moment, hands moving as she plays around, plucking a few strings here and there.

She finds herself doing a favourite of hers, C'est la vie by Stereophincs, she hums the lyrics a little as she goes on.

"See? Natural." He says.

After putting it back in the case, swinging it over her shoulder and looking up at him she smiles once more up at him.

A big toothy smile that has the corner of her eyes crinkling and cheeks tinting red in the cold air of the night.

"Thank you, Matty."

He nods hands still in his pockets as he turns away from his now closed boot, "Happy birthday, Tommie. Did I do it?" She raises a brow, asking him to explain, "Prove birthdays can be good."

She shrugs, "Not really." His whole demeanour changes, shoulders sagging and his smile falls. "Everyday with you is like this. Fun, adventurous, happy..."

His head lifts again, and he lifts a hand quickly to wipe away the curly dark hair that has fallen across his forehead.

She steps closer, lifting up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, "Thank you."

He nods, watching her step back again before turning to go into her house. As he gets in he doesn't see her turn back to watch him drive away. Or hear her mutter warnings to herself about having a crush on her cousin's best friend.

Who not only lives three hours away but is a good few years older too.

"Stop it, Tommie," She says, quietly closing the door, "He's your friend."

~thanks for reading! x

[archives-of-camelot]

Assurance

Characters: Eli, Evelin (@nimue-hidden-lake)

Series: Evelin Anniversary

This one's a little more self indulgent than usual. I know this whole thing is self indulgent, but it's been on my mind so...

---------------------------------------------

It was 7pm on a Sunday...or...was it 5am on a Saturday...? Eli wasn't paying attention, his mind flooded with preoccupied thoughts and questions. He'd been laying there for hours, the dim glow of the neon string of lights above washing over his body. The lights' fade function was set, and Eli had counted the cycles as the colors rotated between each other. He didn't move, and he barely blinked...

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

His expression was unmoving, eyes glassy. Mere minutes seemed like hours.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

He barely left his room all day...in fact, he forgot if he even left at all. All he could recall was laying there, entranced by his lights as he fixated on questions and machinations as they swirled about his headspace, crashing into each other, and against the walls of his psyche.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

He was tired, but couldn't sleep. Maybe exhausted was a better word. He hadn't done anything, but he was spent.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple-

The spell was broken as a new light creeped in from the corner of his vision. He looked over at the door and there he saw Evelin. He shook off the feeling and sat up in his bed.

"Anything I can do for you this evening?" he tried to smile.

Evelin shook her head and sat on the bedside.

"I figured I should check on you. Pinro has been wondering where you've been all day. And so have I"

He sighed and sat his head back down. staring back at the ceiling and the lights.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

"You ever feel like anything and everything you do is not enough...? Like there's some arbitrary expectation you're supposed to meet, but you don't know how high it is so you just keep climbing...?"

She nodded along.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

"And then you're stuck wondering what to do, because what you're climbing's turned into a tree, and there's a whole bunch of branches you gotta consider? And then the fact that picking the wrong one will cause you to end up right back where you started , or lower...?"

She nodded again, listening intently.

Red...yellow...green...blue...purple...

As he thought of hypotheticals in his mind, he finally relented, and decided to try once more.

"I still can't figure it out...why...? Why me?" he finally asked.

"Ah, so that's what this is about" she nodded again.

"All this time and I still can't figure it out...why'd you choose me?"

This question haunted him off and on. Was it insecurity? Maybe, but it sparked alot of introspection, and more questions. Eli never thought highly of himself. He wasn't anything special. He was just him. No outstanding talents, or abilities. He wasn't particularly charismatic or sociable.

It made him question...'why?' Why settle for him?

"Do you want the answer?" she shot straight.

He nodded, at a loss still.

"I chose you...for you" she said simply.

"But...there's nothing really great about me. I'm just me"

She nodded.

"You can't see it can you...?" she inquired.

He shook his head.

"No...I've always tried to prove I'm worthy of those around me. But, sometimes I wonder if I truly am. I...just want to match expectations"

He felt his head lift up, and then back down as he found himself being straddled, looking up into her eyes.

"And what expectations would you say others have of you?"

"Well...I...I don't know anymore..." he sounded lost.

"Maybe that's because there's nothing to match" she replied as she gently caressed his hair. "Sometimes we delude ourselves with our own outlooks and opinions of ourselves...often depriving ourselves of the truth of what those important to us say and think"

"You sound like you've been down this road before..." he sighed.

She nodded.

"Inadequacy...thoughts of 'not good enough'...envy of those who match the image we want for ourselves..." she recalled like it was yesterday.

"Exactly...that's exactly what I've been thinking..." his eyes widened as she spoke exactly what was on his mind.

She continued to caress his hair, running her fingers through it's fibers as she spoke.

"Regardless of your own opinions and thoughts, I want you to know this" she bent over and kissed his forehead. "Even if you feel like you haven't matched or met your own expectations...know that you never needed to for me" she smiled. "I chose you for you. Not who you think you are, or what others say you are. Eli...is Eli...and that's all you'll ever need"

His mind was slowly put at ease as her words impacted him. Such a simple answer and concept...but it was profound, at least to him, to hear it from another's lips. Especially hers.

"Hey, Evelin...?"

"Hm?"

"You're the best anyone could ever ask for..."

"Anytime"

Masterlist

[julik0vatay]

New Beetlejuice teaser got me HYPED!!

Me: woohooo Lyds get his ass! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Also me: if they won't acknowledge their friendship I will cry

While I love cartoon's portrayal of Lydia and Beetlejuice characters there's less conflict between them, almost like they resolved most of their grievances with each other off-screen. But movieverse is a perfect setup for frenemies dynamic and I freaking love that trope! Let them bicker, let them fight, force them into reluctant alliance and I will be cheering and hollering the whole time >.> So much angst potential to explore on both sides of their conflict..

I don't even care if new movie is trashy, I'm just excited to see my faves again tbh

In fact I got so excited I ended up writing 1.5k words of them bickering <.<

And I am throwing it into the void to sandworms and closing the door

So… Hypothetical reunion talk, movieverse sequel speculations, ambiguous and complicated relationship, with nods to cartoon and scrapped script

Slight warning for strong language and alcohol mention, and half-hearted death threats i guess? But otherwise pretty chill

Comeback of the century

He is pacing and fuming, muttering to himself, when she enters the room. Air feels cold and full of static, making his hair stand up even higher than she remembers. She stops at the doorframe, taking in sight of him looking like angry puffed up cat. She hesitates to interrupt his monologue that was definitely not for her ears.

– … and it's not like I was expecting a warm welcome, but a grown-up kid? When did that happen?! I almost mistook her for Lydia herself!! With that black hair and attitude, I thought my eyes are playing tricks on me! Wouldn't be the first time…

He trails off, finally noticing company. He snarls in her direction but doesn't stop pacing and doesn't try to get closer.

Lydia clears her throat, searching for words that wouldn't set off an explosion. It's not like she has to advocate for herself living her life as she did. And yet…

– I was not expecting to actually see you in my life ever again. Dreading it? Yes, sure. At 20 waiting for it at every corner. At 30 it got old. At 40 this whole thing felt more like a fever dream. And now you're here.

– And now I'm here, babe! Deal with it! Why aren't you running yet?!

She looks away, uncomfortable. Why indeed.

– Playing cat and mouse with you? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not a teen to run around anymore.

That out of all seems like wrong thing to say because next moment he's in front of her, irrirated grin and barely held back anger in his voice.

– So am I not worth your time and money, honey? Not even batting an eye for good-ol-me? I can turn this into a literal nightmare, would that be worthy of your attention?!

She looks at him, stubbornly not moving an inch, deciding how much to say. All options are wrong ones so she goes with honest, because how much she has to loose at this point? She lived her life well enough, and her kid is all grown-up and ready to leave the nest…

She takes a shaky breath bracing herself and looks danger right in the eyes.

– …You're my worst nightmare not because of what you did. I've been haunted by what-ifs my whole life… You're a mystery that slipped out of my hands. What if, what if… ...What if we could have been friends?

He visibly deflates under her searching gaze like someone dropped a bucket of cold water over his head. There's a conflicted look on his face for a moment but then it passes leaving behind resignation and defeat. (He fucked up. She was the one, the perfect chance for everything he wanted and HE FUCKED IT UP!!)

– Lyds…

He stills as if thinking it over before opening his arms. (He can work with fucked up. She's right here after all. Maybe its not too late to fix a rush job)

– How about a bit of death's embrace?

There's a faint surprise in her eyes. She considers the risk, her eyes tracing his hands, his posture, his face. He doesn't look threatening, just weary and rough. She reluctantly steps closer.

She's caged in his arms immediately and its the most familiar feeling in the world. Faint smell of decay and ozone, chill running down her spine, just like her dead-parents hugs. His embrace is firm and maybe a little bit desperate. She raises her hands and returns the hug, hiding face in his shoulder.

This is a tightest hug she had in a long while. This is the tightest hug he had in a lifetime deathtime.

A long moment passes before he breaks the silence:

– I could snap your pretty little neck right now and you wouldn't be able to stop me.

– Yes, you could, – she sniffs. – Would you? If you do make it quick.

She's shoved back, his eyes locking with hers. Then he raises hand and bonks their foreheads together never breaking eye contact.

– I was thinking about this. Don't tempt me, Lydia.

She lets out a snort.

– Of course you did. Beetle… – she's interrupted with finger over her lips.

– Shhh-sh-shh! Careful with the B-word, babe!

– I've been thinking about you for past 30 years.

That brings smile back on his face and he's back to looking manic instead of just dead.

– Way to stroke a guy's ego! But then why didn't you just call me??

– While dreading what you'd do to my family if I ever dared?? I bet you had some petty revenge planned for all of us, – She deadpans before muttering under her nose, – …Or if I called… and you didn't show up… And I don't know which is worse…

He's staring at her again. Then he's laughing quietly, then at full volume, his whole body shaking and electric like she just cracked funniest joke in his life death.

– ..Hahaha.. I honestly dunno what I expected, of course you of all people!.. Oh, I sure did plan a revenge, do you wanna hear the deets, Deetz?

She rolls her eyes, wary but amused.

– I'm trying to be vulnerable here but sure, hit me with what you've got.

– I was thinking a merry-go-round, you know, classic! Filled with worms. You know, URGH, sandworms!! Make you all taste your own medicine!!! That was awful by the way, you owe me for that one!

– Hmm. Sounds unpleasant. Not as exciting as I hoped from you.

– Oh now she's judging me, huh?? Try getting slimy feeling off your skin for a decade then we'll talk!

– I think I already went through that. You know, feeling haunted, with a mix of dread and regrets hanging over my shoulders. Does that mean we're even?

That makes him pause. Breaking eye contact his eyes search for something to focus on that isn't her face. The room is bare (but not exactly quiet, there's at least two more voices screaming at him that he's walking on eggshells, that he can't let her go, that he can't let her close, YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKED OUT FOR YOU LAST TIME!!) except for ugly sofa that seen better days.

– Lemme think about it… Yeah, sure, alright, whatever, babes, water under the bridge! How about we start on a clean page instead? Just you and me, no interrupting family, some alcohol…

– Hold your horses, cowboy, I already feel insane just talking with you. I'm not adding alcohol to the mix.

– That's the best part, we're already mad! Your loss! Personally I wanna get wasted. And I'm not asking by the way but you're free to join me aaanytime!

With that he makes a 180 turn and beelines towards beaten sofa fishing a fancy-looking bottle out of thin air. Familiar looking bottle.

– Yeah, right. Wait, is this from my parents' stash?? Give it back!

He crashes on the sofa making it squeak under dead weight and flashes her a crooked smile full of teeth.

– Nooo way, doll, I think I deserve a vacation and a drink!

– Vacation?? Your last job was 30 years ago?!

– And I spend them in bureaucracy hell! Give me a break! You don't know what it's like!

– Actually I do.

That paints his face with genuine surprise like it's something he hasn't considered.

– Huh?

– Barbara and Adam.

– Hmmm? What did you dooo? :)

He leans forward, all smiles and all ears, like she's about to share latest gossip he missed out on.

– Found a loophole. Helped them move on.

– Ohohoo that's my girl! Do tell, do tell?

– There's not much to tell. They wanted a family. They raised me. And then I moved out. And then they moved on. But there was plenty of paperwork leading to that last part.

His smile falters but doesn't leave. Been there, seen that.

– Ah, boring happy ending for everyone but you, huh?

– Yeah, pretty much.

– …So do you want a drink or not?

– …Okay, fine.

That gets him excited all over again and he materializes a couple of glasses out of nowhere with fanfare like some sort of street magician. Both are filled with liquor (that was carefully saved for special occasions which happened never so now dead man is the one who gets to drink it all) and one is presented to her.

She accepts the drink but hesitates to try it. Looks back at her drinking partner, waiting.

– Right, we need a toast!

He rises his glass almost spilling its content over already sad looking sofa but catches it mid air last second. That makes Lydia laugh and she rises her own as well. Sound of her laughter makes him grin and he puffs out his chest for audience of one.

– For the living!

– And the dead.

– Cheers!

[arziaisfrench]

▪︎ IPKKND Ep 130 : Almost losing her for good

"Why do I do this? Why do I always brings tears in her eyes? Why do I feel pain, when anything bothers her? But now, this won't happen again. Because I won't let it happen!"

"She always has this power over me. I'm even turning into a cruel man. I need to stop."

I think Arnav is now deciding to stop his attempts to make her confess. If she doesn't want to, be it.

"First of all, I'm already trying to …"

This clearly proves that he's now trying to move on with his obsession to make Khushi confess. He won't try anymore. If she loves him, she'll stop him for getting married to another woman. He won't interfere or try to influence her decision.

Arnav is triggered by Lavanya's weird attempt to look like Khushi especially when he made the decision to stop pushing her to confess.

He's holding himself back but Lavanya always reminds him of how she's not Khushi, how he can't be happy if it's not with Khushi.

Another thing I hate about this series is how they changed Lavanya's style, to copy Khushi ones. As if Lavanya wasn't enough, that she needed to look like Khushi to be seen as a good person, a person worthy enough to be liked. This is so fu*ked up. As if the way you dress make you a decent person ugh so dumb...

"No Asr, I won't chnage this dress." When Lavanya told Arnva to fu*k off, it was so satisfiying !!!!!

" -People who are close to you love you so much. You don't have any idea, isn't?

-…

-You have no idea, how your harsh words hurt them."

She is obviously talking about what he's been doing to her. And he understands the insinuation, you can see it his eyes.

" -I know you're mad at me. But don't punish Miss Lavanya for this … Everything you want to say, tell me !

-Who do think you are?"

Arnav is thinking she's about to ask him to confess everything he feels about her. And it gets him panicking, a panick disguised in intense anger.

You think I'm angry because of you ?! All I do is because of you? If you think that your presence has any importance to me, then forget it! You don't even exist for me! Do you understand?! "

He gets that she has feelings for him but he doesn't know how much. But hearing how she can sees through him triggers him yet again. He now gets mad because she reminds him of the imbalance he so scared of.

"No matter, if your exist or not, whether you do or say, I don't care. Do you understand?"

He promised to himself, he won't make her cry again. But his own triggered reaction to his fear, as always, gets the best of him.

This is not an anger he was willing to let appear, to push her away, as he often does. It was out of his control here. He was panicking.

"I won't confess Khushi, I won't let you see how you control every inch of me, how you can toy with my soul."

"I know that my presence or absence hasn't any importance to you. I forgot you're Arnav Singh Razaida. And that after hurting someone, you won't apologize."

Khushi is heartbroken. She knows he cares. But yet again, he's showing her how almost disgusted he is about his own feelings for her and how he chosoe to walk over her just to win.

"Is it so shameful for you to have feelings for me? Why am I this unworthy in your eyes? Why are you trying to make me confess when you don't want me or my love? To mock me? To just win against me?"

"It was my fault, because I came here to talk to you".

"It was my fault for trusting you, for loving you. How more cruel can I let you be? That's enough. I give up. You may not be the man I thought you were." UUUGH MY HEART IS LITERALLY ACHING SO BAD WHILE WRITING THIS ! 😭

Arnav understands immediately what is happening. Khushi is starting to think of him as a cruel man. That's why he's turning around to look at her. She won't trust him ever again. He can't let this happen. He can't let her close the door on him definitely. And the scene is literally about Khushi deciding to close that door for good without turning back as she often does before leaving him.

He can't let her not see Arnav. He can't let her think he's actually Asr.

The fear of losing her trust is far more devastating than his fear to love her, and to love her more than she does !

His fear of imbalance between their feelings is the fear of loving like his mother., to love so immensely to be willing to end their own life if the other betray them. This is how she anbandoned her ch'ldren.

This is because of that overpowering love that he hated his mother, burrying his hate in Asr inconsciously, this is what created this personality disorder.

Arnav couldn't bear hating his own mother, the woman he loved the most, his sanity started to tremble. Therefore, he had to be more than himself (Choete, Arnav and Asr) to carry the pain and the guilt.

Not only Khushi closed that door intending to cut ties but she also leave without turning around, which let him know she is serious, her peception of him is changing and not for the best.

But at this moment, Arnav realizes how the risk of losing her trust is much more dangerous than the risk of letting her the possibility to betray him.

Arnav's begging eyes can't stop following Khushi. Watching her leave, he hopes she understood he was apologizing to her. He hopes she's not giving up on his trust for him, that she's not giving up on seeing through him, and to see that better man he wants to be.

But still, he can't confess his love yet ...

"Don't give up on me Khushi."

[onwriting-hrarby]

a thought about depicting love

while uploading chapter two of liquid confidence today, i received two comments that made me think. they went on about how "pathetic" it was that eren was waiting on mikasa as she loved kenzo and hadn't have relationships (although he states that he did) and also on how could it be possible that mikasa loves eren if she loves kenzo.

at first, it nagged me because so much of their prejudice and critique was lacking reading comprehension. then, i decided to do a twitter thread about love, but i think what i'm writing needs to speak for itself.

however, here are some random thoughts about love and loving—and, therefore, maybe of how i depict love.

1. there's not "one type of love", nor "one direction of love"

love is something that is nurtured and flourishes, and you can love multiple people at the same, because there's not just romantic love, but also friendly love, familial love, admiration love, possessive love. not all love is the same, and not all love is directed towards just one person. different loves can coexist.

2. love and being in love is not the same

you can be in love with someone but love your significant other. you don't have to be in love to marry someone, nor you have to love someone to have a good time. being in love lasts months—after that, you love the other. because love is not a magical thing that appears, but something nurtured. that's why, if there are different types of loves, you can love multiple people at the same time—rarely be in love with multiple people, though. because being in love is built on admiration and dazziness, and as we get to know the other person, this diminishes to bring out a more "human" approach.

3. love is not "deserved"

you don't deserve someone's love, because nobody owes you love. even if the other person has been waiting around for you all of their life, if you don't feel for them—if you don't love them—it's much better that you're not with them. loving and caring is one of the most free things humans can do, so if love chains someone, it's not a worthy love. because love is not something that flourishes but something constant, you don't owe anyone certain feelings you cannot maintain.

4. you can love someone and still make it a mess

because being in love equals admiration, we normally don't make messes in those months. but after, love is kept with communication, perseverance, patience—not only feelings. that's why, you can wake up one day and have enough: i don't want to work on that anymore. and that's fine. it doesn't mean you have stopped loving, but you are tired of meeting some requirements of the relationship which don't satisfy you anymore. you're not a "feeling-less monster". we cannot love the same people all of our life.

5. you need to learn how to love

similarly, loving doesn't always imply that we are natural doing so. we don't know the codes, the meanings. we've been taught on possessiveness, jealousy, owning, romantic toxic love. we have matrimony—a farse in the old sense, because it makes you feel guilty if you have "impure" thoughts (that you're bound to have sometime) and we have the promise of being "successful" if we're in a long relationship. love is no bonds. love is freedom. love is not success. love is falling and having a hand that will help you stand again.

and, furthermore: writing is about exploring. so please, do write about whatever interests you, the little nuances and moral greys of the whole life.

[fruiteggsaladit]

Brain going brrr a yyh fan may speak at length on how Keiko and Kuwabara are parallels of a close and romantically coded bond with Yusuke and from there speak on how the two may mirror each other with Yusuke as the plane of glass and metal, but who will speak on how Yusuke and Yukina are parallels of a romantically coded bond with Kuwabara?? And could therefore be parallels too!

Something something about needing to take care of yourself when you're at your most vulnerable and need to forgive yourself for having vulnerabilities with Yusuke needing to accept Puu, only for Toguro to pull Yusuke two steps back from that huge leap in self-acceptance because he doesn't want Yusuke at his personal best, he wants an executioner that mirrors his own past self, overlaid over the scene of Yukina's birds being crushed* before her own eyes when she had decided she wasn't going to "allow" Tarukane to benefit from her pain anymore and then she was forced into doing so anyway. And Toguro tells her to train herself to cry**

Something something Yusuke speaking with Kuroko the first SD and when she expresses that humans are inherently good, Yusuke thinks out loud that he thinks some humans are fine to kill and Kuroko interprets that in the most bad faith way possible, and Yukina telling Hiei she thinks that if a society is made up of cold-hearted people then those people should die only to seemingly give up when he tells her that she shouldn't rely on her brother when it might be more likely that she was exaggerating for the sake of hearing his opinion (you think a character can lie in a narrative without the narrator stating that they are lying? No, not possible, surely...)

Something something Yukina apparently leaving Hyouga to seek her brother for greater understanding and/or assistance of power... when this was a story initially told by Koenma, who we know by the end of canon has lied and omitted significant information from Yusuke and the others before, why wouldn't he now? And it's some time before we see Yukina again, having apparently returned to Hyouga after the rescue, surely enough time for Yukina to potentially have heard what "the official story" from the Spirit Office is and adjusting her story from there when she tells it to Shizuru, Botan, and Keiko. ... And Yusuke, who is forced to leave Earth because of his new status as a Mazoku distantly related to one of the Demon Kings, and chooses to leave before he strictly needs to be escorted from there in the hope that he'll return sooner if he does.

* Yukina's birds being crushed: Interesting, because Toguro comes across as someone who knows how to torture someone? He has a whole company of individual people who want him dead because he seeks someone "who will give him a worthy fight" (fucking liar if he meant that he would have settled for forcing Genkai to fight him or if it had to be Yusuke, he could have issued an invitation when Yusuke was an adult and not fourteen years old! This man pisses me off! I digress!); at many points he's fought a person and then left them alive so they'll return to him in the hope of revenge, even inviting them into this silly company so he can keep easier track of them and they of him.

I said I digress and then I lost my tangent!! My point was that if this man seems well-versed in torture and using a person's loved ones against them for a goal he has in mind, why kill all the available birds at once? The anime sticks to two birds, the manga has three and may be implied to be more than that, but I feel like he could have said "kill one" or "leave the other/rest alive" to use them again. By murdering the birds all at once, this was just one instance of getting Yukina to cry, when Tarukane has asked for a way to make her cry again, implicitly not just once.

** And Toguro tells her to train herself to cry: Where are the yyh-fans w daddy issues on this topic, one would think they'd eat this part up! An initial first-time reading of this could be that he's telling her to harden her heart because he feels for her and the only advice he knows is to turn oneself into a killing machine as a response to grief. This is annoying to me bc that's far more sympathy for Toguro than I feel he deserves (I hate this man! He's an effective antagonist in that way). Also, it just makes Yukina yet again into a reactive subject?

Idk, all I know is that I had the thought the other day that Toguro hadn't seen or fought Yusuke yet at that point, and had the following thought of "What if Toguro intended to have Yukina join his stupid evil lackey company bc he saw something in her that reminded him of himself" (namely: the determination not to let herself be harmed; the inability to protect her loved ones in spite of that determination; finally, the despair that washed over her following it). Also notable, is that Tarukane stole Yukina from Sakyo. One can wonder what would have happened if Yusuke and the others hadn't arrived when they did: I think the original plan in-narrative by Sakyo was to re-capture Yukina from Tarukane. And I think Toguro considered Yukina for being an executioner candidate. Aaah this might not be a very radical theory out there but I see so few speculations about canon that isn't "who would win" or "whats the best ship" or "kurama: demon and human but mostly demon" or "hiei my comfort gremlin".

[vanbredevoort]

@enidrhena asked: A small box, swathed in sumptuous dark blue silk, adorned with delicate yet intricate embroidery woven with threads of purest gold, rested upon Lydia's table. A golden bow, elegantly tied, graced its exterior, while a petite bouquet of everlasting daisies nestled into it, revealing the giver's identity. Within, further layers of the rich silk concealed the gift's mysteries. Unveiled, a splendid silver dagger, its hilt adorned with diamond-studded daisies, gleamed in the light. It bore the mark of a heartfelt offering. Alongside the blade lay a portrait of the Duchess of Dol Blathanna, her likeness captured in exquisite detail, and her signature, inscribed in the crimson of someones elses blood, nestled beside the impressions of her lips, painted with the hue of roses. The fragrant essence of daisies already started to linger in the small room.

It all smelled like her. It filled her room in a way that had her insides twisting with jealousy, unadultered, raging; and with something alike longing.

Her mind was often filled with her--- why did her scent have to be there as well? If not for the upcoming coup ( and the mere, insignificant price she was going to pay ), for the way she felt like nothing when she, the daisy, was around. And since the planning started, Lydia had seen a lot of her. And she loathed it and craved for it.

How was it possible to feeling anything else than nothing besides her? The most beautiful woman in the continent, with her perfect features, her effortless aura that commanded anyone to admire in perfect silence. And if there was someone perfect at silence was Lydia. Lydia, disfigured beyond repair, who could only stare at her from afar. Who could only feel her own soul dropping to its knees in front of a sight like Francesca was, lie at her feet and praise whatever gods had decided her worthy to stare at such sight.

Inside the pretty package ( she was not going to call it beautiful, because Francesca defined that word and this was just a gift package ) lay a dagger. Lydia ran her fingers across the hilt and the sharp blade. Her brows furrowed, and her lips would have pressed together if she had lips to do so. Did Francesca know of her plan…? No, it was impossible. No one knew. Not only because no one paid enough attention, but because even if they did, Lydia had diligently covered her tracks. Lydia and only Lydia was aware of her own demise, which loomed over the horizon in a way that should have her stomach clenching, yet it didn't. She would die without regrets. And by dying, she would save Francesca. It was needed. She would save those eyes, that had seen so much suffering, that showed so much love and so much coldness, ready to embrace and kill with the same grace. Francesca loved and killed like a poem.

Lydia would die for him, yes, but by extent she would die for her. To protect the woman in that portrait, the good and the bad, the beauty and the beast, the coldness of her actions and the warmth of her heart. For Francesca, the whole and the broken. It was needed.

You're everything I'll never be, lady Findabair, she thought, slicing her palm with the dagger enough to let some drops of blood fall on the daisies. Lydia would have never hurt her hands on purpose-- sorceress and painter, she needed her hands intact -- but she knew she wouldn't paint anymore. She wouldn’t cast spells anymore. She wouldn't breathe anymore. You’re beautiful. You’re doing what’s right. You’re admired. You’re destined for greatness. You’re needed. You’re needed. You’re everything. I’m nothing.

Her death was needed. Her? Not so much.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

True, though you could also spin it as they consider her an unworthy warden because she tried to run for leader after his death rather than sticking it out and training up his heir. Or even just resigning if it was too much and living a normal life within the clan again. I can't imagine she's the only one who has had their noble die, it's a dangerous world out there and what was she supposed to do when he got swept out to sea and disappeared? But if she immediately went from that to trying to become the clan leader, that's a real bad look and it could be taken as her abandoning her post not because of trauma but for personal gain. If she saw losing him as a huge failure, then her trying to become leader could be an attempt to make up for it? Like she couldn't stand to be a warden anymore, but when the old leader died she saw it as both an out and an opportunity to redeem herself or prove that she could do better. Or it might just be something along the lines of, if Almighty Sinnoh picks her, that means she hasn't been damned for letting her noble die. I could also see it happening during though, and the reason they think she's an unworthy warden is bc she was attempting to resign so she could run for leader when the storm hit the coastlands and Arcanine was lost. With that kind of timing, some of them might think that his death was because Sinnoh was mad at her for trying to leave without a justifiable cause or something (although why it'd kill her noble rather than her is a mystery. Then again, superstition isn't typically rational). And yeah, that makes a lot of sense that it'd be the other wardens who have the final say over resignations. The clan leaders can nominate people as wardens, but they have to pass their test to make it official, and after that only the other wardens can decide if one of them gets kicked out. And possibly the nobles get a say too, in certain cases? Or at least their opinions are taken into heavy consideration.

I mean, given how few people are in the clans, there probably aren't a lot of people who get marked as candidates to begin with, but surely there was at least a handful to start out. I really don't know what the tests could be either, although at least part of it surely has to do with literacy and general training on how to run a settlement. You can't just throw someone into a leadership position with no prior training and hope it goes well, so maybe that was the bulk of how long it took? That'd also test like, commitment to the role if you're willing to stick with it despite how long it takes and having to study. I bet Irida and Adaman are constantly plagued with doubts about the legitimacy of their leadership and whether they're worthy of their positions. Which makes it even more interesting that they're breaking tradition (or the former leaders broke tradition and they're continuing in that direction), because usually the impulse would be to return to old ways since then at least you'd have a better idea what to do. But maybe a proposition to go back to fighting would be very negatively received, if they're all collectively tired of it.

Oh shit, that's an excellent idea for them to both be wardens! Given the approximate ages of everyone, theoretically they could have been wardens for just about anywhere other than the mirelands and probably the icelands, since you'd still have a weird gap between them running away and when the current wardens could have conceivably been old enough to take their positions, wherein whoever replaced them had to have died or something within about a decade. The coastlands would also be a good pick for the parallels of Palina and Iscan. Would it really mask the fact that they ran off to be together though? I mean, if they're both the wardens of the same region and they both ran off within a few years of each other, surely the obvious conclusion is that he followed after her. I can't imagine many wardens leave their posts by just running away, so unless he's faked his death that'd be very telling. And then there's also the problem of why she'd have run away. Even if they hated the war, as wardens they're pretty removed from it and isolated enough that it'd be fairly easy to hide a kid to keep him from the fighting. So either they got caught or something drastic happened. Unless she ran after finding out she was pregnant, because being a warden is a dangerous job and no place to raise a baby, but if she went back to the clan not only would it invite scrutiny but she also wouldn't be able to be with her man, so the best and safest option was the Ginkgo Guild?? As for if Volo knows... I honestly don't see his parents talking about it? He might have had suspicions when he finally met Irida and took note of any similar features, but nothing concrete I think. He's nosy enough that he might try to see if there's any kind of family connection there though, and if he found out that her dad ran off when she was a baby then that might tip him off.

Yeah, but with how hyper-aggresive and -vigilant they are, wouldn't they only go to sleep when they're completely worn out? So more like passing out due to extreme exhaustion than regular sleep. I thought pokeballs were able to tame wild pokemon in general because they have some kind of, idk, calming effect or something. I know part of it is that they're like, 'okay we fought, you won, we're cool now', but luxury and friend balls increase friendship even if you catch a pokemon on the first turn, it'd make more sense for how they do that if they were just increasing the strength of something pokeballs already do... right? I might be overthinking that. In any case, if knocking them out didn't work it'd certainly make the question of why they didn't ask Ingo to help easier lol. Though, they didn't ask for his help breaking any of the nobles from their frenzy either and I feel like it'd make way more sense to ask him for help with Kleavor than some random nobody? I guess maybe the nobles are different, since you can't just KO them you have to throw things that calm them down too, but how would they know that? Did they just assume that you couldn't break them free the normal way of fighting them until they fainted?

see i guess what this comes down to is, like you said, surely palina isn't the only warden who's ever lost their noble. but i think the arguments about it are less about lord arcanine dying and more about her not immediately throwing growlithe into training. which, surely this isn't the first time that's ever happened? where a heir wasn't ready to become a noble? are most wardens that much more strict with their charges? or is it just that the nobles' heirs usually have a much better understanding of duty and/or have been prepared for it beforehand. maybe the current conflict is just the culmination of a long history of what the clan sees as palina (and the late lord arcanine) being too soft on growlithe and not adequately preparing him for the position.

that's just me thinking out loud but anyway. so if the leader candidates are marked—and maybe they were so desperate for viable candidates in the pearl clan, after losing most of the people in the age range for it and most of the rest not being marked, that they were willing to consider the normally-only-exceptional-circumstance of trying wardens for the position. and maybe palina wasn't outright disqualified so much as she withdrew, because people were talking and she knew they'd never trust her as leader even if she passed all the outright trials.

if the nobles wanted to, yeah, they could probably vote to oust a warden—if not directly, then by asking their wardens to vote in alignment with them, bc that's probably a right they have as nobles. since i think wardens are probably chosen at least in part by their nobles, and they have a deep bond bc of that, it's probably not very common that a warden would be disavowed by their own noble and said noble would probably defend them most of the time—but, shit, now i kind of want to write something where that does happen and something comes between a warden and noble like that. hmm.

i don't... remember if it's ever stated in canon if the clans can read/write outside of the unown glyphs that calaba can translate. i feel like that's maybe not a super common thing for them? like it was just never necessary before they opened trade and communication with other groups. sinnoh's words are carved in glyphs, yes, but you can't use those for writing down everyday whatever, that would be disrespectful. but i think the "trials," such as they are, would be more about understanding the clan's traditions and also just straight up like. leadership skills. can you solve problems and delegate tasks effectively under pressure or will you fold instantly. good things to know beforehand

anyway YEAH, they probably are constantly worrying about whether they have any right to change the way things are, and they probably could bond over that if they were willing to drop the argument for five seconds. but then, not actively fighting each other is such a huge shift, it would probably be really ill received if they were seen actively being friends or something. being prickly is half social expectation at this point

yeah!! honestly i'm really digging the idea of them being from the highlands now, because you could also have something about them meeting in the temple of sinnoh for their tryst and that just adding to volo's perception that he should be the new champion of arceus by birthright because not only does he directly descend from a Blessed Warden of both clans, he was literally conceived in its temple. as for if it would be an obvious giveaway for them both to leave, i mean, it might be that, but it at least gives the clans some plausible deniability if they decide to just pretend they don't know.

but yeah i think volo knows his parents were former wardens, because that does explain why he's Like That about arceus at least a little bit. so if his dad ever mentioned that he might have left behind another kid in the pearl clan, it would be pretty straightforward for him to hear about irida's history and go "hey wait a minute" and put the pieces together

re: alphas i think they sort of doze, not necessarily asleep but like, half-sleeping and ready to wake up if they sense trouble. and i'm not convinced pokeballs have any special effects on the pokemon at all, tbh, outside of the special variant ones. i mean i think they're a gameplay shorthand for mechanics anyway, like, it's more plausible to me that what's "actually" happening when you first-turn catch a pokemon is that you're just ingame skipping the wearing it down+convincing it phase that happens in reality. that maybe doesn't make any sense listen i'm very tired. anyway.

iirc part of the reason irida goes to the galaxy team is because she specifically doesn't just want to beat the shit out of kleavor. well the phrasing also implies that what she really doesn't want to do is kill him, but you can read it as her worrying that it would be an affront to sinnoh/insult to the noble to just wear it down like a common frenzied alpha. that would explain why they don't try wearing down the nobles in battle—because they don't battle nobles. it would be super rude. not to mention, i think the nobles are far, far stronger than most ordinary pokemon to start with, so they'd win anyway regardless. lol, though, the idea of an au where they just make ingo do it instead of bothering with the galaxy team and The Plot just happens on your peripheral and you get to focus on the far more important business of bidoof catching.

[persoj]

"What. The. Fuck."

I'm standing in a white void. There's a purple circle under me, glowing. I can only assume that it brought me here.

"James, my dude!" I hear a familiar voice yell. "Look up!" I raise my head to see a large circular desk looming over me. Sat at it are four figures, each with patterns on (what I guess are) their heads.

One has little love hearts in its skin, each one shaped slightly different. Most are wonky, with a dull grey colour. However, some fit perfectly, glowing a beautiful baby pink. One brow is raised as its head turns towards me.

The being to the right of it has brows that I can only interpret as neutral. There is a large crescent moon carved on one cheek, a pitch black colour. It is surrounded by stars, which look to match its pigment. On the other cheek, a sun glows brightly, almost blinding me as I look at it. Its chin has an hourglass on it. The thing looks upward, seemingly at nothing.

To the other side, one gazes at me. It has a planet carved on its forehead, glowing green and blue. The silhouette of a human is carved on one cheek, a dog on the other. Its brows are high on its forehead, almost like it's smiling at me.

And finally, a tall creature, looming. It has skulls on its cheeks, carved intricately in gold. All of the beings have no facial features, but you can see the outline of their brows. This one has its brows furrowed. Its arms are crossed and its head is staring down at me.

The one with the Earth on its head talks. "Over here! It's me, Neo!"

"What the hell..." I utter.

"Don't panic, it's all good. You're not in trouble or anything. We've decided to make you a god!"

The sun-moon one butts in. "Nothing is confirmed yet. We have to decide what your job would be, and also whether you're worthy."

Neo speaks again. "Oh, he so is! Look, I've known this guy for like, 10 human years, and he hasn't done anything shitty yet!"

"Neo, calm down or we'll deny your request altogether."

"His request?!" I yell. "Neo, what in the everloving fuck! Did you ever think to ask me if I wanted to be a god? This is a lot of responsibility. I'd have to leave behind my family and everything! And this is a lot to take in. I don't even know these people and you expect me to just accept it and become a fucking GOD?!"

The heart one speaks. "Calm yourself. You would still be allowed to live on Earth, you just wouldn't be human anymore. That's basically what Neo does. Lives on Earth so he can see his creation, then comes back here."

I stare at it, taking in its words. It has such a smooth voice, and the sound feels soft as my ears take it in. It stands, and walks towards me. I try to retreat backwards, but the circle holds me in place. It approaches me and grabs me gently, lifting me high in the air and then placing me on the desk.

"There we go, we can have a better look at him now. My name is Freya. I'm the goddess of love. You obviously already know Neo." I nod.

The sun-moon one talks. "My name is Ajax, I am the god of time." Their voice runs easily, words sound like they're almost falling out of their mouth.

A sudden booming voice speaks, low and commanding. "I am Azrael, god of death and life. I run most things around here." His presence is demanding. He points to a place in front of him, and I instantly start walking over.

"You seem worthy enough. I have looked over your life. You are a good person, James."

"Um, thank you? I mean, most of the time I was just a decent human being-"

"A hard thing to find these days. You were also good at knowing who's bad and who's not." He continues.

"I just cut off abusive people, nothing too great."

"You're modest too. What shall we make you the god of? I think you would do well as a god of justice. What do you think, Freya?"

I look over at her. She talks. "I believe he would do an amazing job."

"Ajax?"

"He seems sufficient. Would need a lot of training though." Ajax says off-handed.

"True, true. Neo? I can already guess what your answer shall be, but still."

"He'd do a great job! He's kind, compassionate and he'll try to take all sides of the story. He'll do a good job even without training, you just wait and see Ajax." His compliments cause my face to turn a gentle red.

"Mhmm..."

"Well, all is decided then. You shall become a god now, James. Though, you will be given a new name. Ramiro seems suitable. It means 'Great judge.' Put Ramiro back in the circle, Freya."

Freya puts her hand in front of me this time, and I step on. She places me down into the circle and Azrael's voice booms loudly.

"Ramiro, new god. You shall be created today. You shall be expected to give justice to all beings roaming Earth. Welcome to our council."

Suddenly, I feel myself growing. My skin pales, turning the same bright white as the void around us. I feel something move along my forehead, almost as if a pen is writing on me. I feel it carve the shape of a balance scale, and see a gold liquid spill over what used to be my skin. I open my eyes to suddenly find myself taller than the desk, and look down to see the circle gone. I raise my head again to find that the desk has extended, and a chair is behind it. 'Ramiro' is carved onto it in a fancy cursive. I walk over, and place myself down on the chair. Azrael speaks.

"So, our first order of business. Everyone say hello to Ramiro."

I am new to tumblr and writing so any tips are appreciated! Have a good day :)

You thought your friend was just a little delusional with their whole…insisting they were a god business. But it was nothing too severe, I mean, you got a good laugh out of it sometimes. That was until they convinced the other gods to make you one as well…

[treadmilltreats]

What You Tell Yourself, Shall Be

For years I've always had a voice in my head that said I have a bad picker. That I've always picked bad men, narcissistic, jealous, and controlling men. See that was the script I kept telling myself over and over again as many of us do. We speak it to ourselves and say you're not good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. These also may be things that someone else has put in our heads. It may have been our parents, our families, the relationships we were in, or just our lack of self-esteem.

A few years ago I decided to make a conscious effort of what I put out in the atmosphere. I wanted to think before I spoke. I didn't want to attract these negative things into my life anymore. So I started to say that I would not pick bad men, I now say, I used to pick those types of men. I say I used to pick emotionally unavailable men, men who would not or could not be my equal.

I've realized this is not on me, this is their issue. I've learned that I cannot save every broken man out there, they need to "complete" themselves. They have to do the work on their own before meeting me, just as I have.

This has made a huge difference in my life, I'm not perpetuating the lie I'm telling myself anymore. I'm not putting it out in the universe what I no longer want.

What are the things you are telling yourself? What are the things that run through your head that you say about yourself? Do you say I'm not good enough? I'll never make it? It will never happen to me. I have bad luck or no one in my family has ever done it so I can't.

What is it that you keep telling yourself over and over again that keeps going back into the universe and coming back to you? You won't or can't change your mindset, it's like it is inscribed in your very fiber.

A perfect example is if you have a child and every day you tell that child he's stupid or she's stupid, eventually that's all they will believe is the words that you speak over them. They will not even try because why should they? They already know that they're stupid, so they just give in to those words that have shaped them

Now a small percentage of those children will challenge what is spoken over them. A very small percentage will have enough power within themselves to say "I'm not stupid and watch I'll show you" Sometimes that's the best motivator for us is an I'll show you attitude.

That inner voice that says "Oh yeah watch me!"

But unfortunately, most people don't have the strength. Most people are listening to the negative things and will keep these thoughts in their heads all of their lives and that's what will hold them back.

Years ago when I had no self-esteem from being in a 24-year verbally abusive marriage. I woke up sick and tired of being sick and tired and I decided to change my thoughts. I put up post notes on my mirror that said "You are worthy, I love myself, or You can do it" Every day I would tell myself these things, and when the negative thoughts came, I would chase them away with positive ones. Over and over I said these things until I believed them. I listened to songs that said you can do it, that you're strong, that you will overcome, over and over. I read bible verses that told me anything is possible if you believe, never give up, and God's got you, all of these things changed my thoughts and made me stronger.

So today my friends remember, you run your head, you are the boss. You can reprogram your thoughts. You can wake up today and say no more! I will no longer put this out there, this is not who I am. This is not what I will accept any more. Tell yourself each and every day that I am strong, beautiful, smart, and worthy. Say it over and over, I can do anything, and trust me if you say it enough you will believe it, you will become it. What you put out there will come back to you in abundance because what you tell yourself shall be.

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreatsCheck out my daily blogs @ https://treadmilltreats.blogspot.com/?m=1

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