#but then our mutual friend called me during lunch and asked me to come to the quad and my friend was there with a mic and speaker | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

burning-bubble-tea · 22 days ago

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Sometimes I think about how I’ve hurt people in my life and then I remember that no one has ever gone through life without hurting someone.

And also that hurt and conflict is just something that happens in communities and being able to communicate and work through it is important.

I just try not to go too far and then end up thinking I’m some person who does nothing but hurt others. The balance of understanding that sometimes words and actions hurt others but also that people are grown and can handle it.

It’s not tough love but sometimes you just gotta trust in others that when you do something kinda hurtful to them you know that they’re a grown up, they can handle it and if they can’t handle it well time to feel and deal with it.

This is mainly popping up because once again I’m hyper analyzing a falling out I had with someone because I ran into a mutual friend of ours and I kinda awkwardly informed them that we were no longer friends.

Like I spent a lot of time thinking and feeling very negative things towards them but hey, all feelings are valid and I never let my negative feelings influence how I interacted with them. Okay except for maybe an eye roll and a side eye here and there. But to my knowledge no one knew that I was thinking negatively about this person other than the people I directly told.

That friendship dying was like death by a thousand cuts. Seeing someone slowly drift away isn’t great but it happens. Seeing someone become closer to your mutual friends than you can feel alienating but it happens. Being around people who have in jokes and what not that don’t involve you can be isolating but it’s also understandable that in large friend groups not everyone can be perfectly compatible, I was always just thankful and happy to be there.

And the things they did to me that did directly hurt me even then coming at it with calmer eyes, I can acknowledge my hurt while also considering that from their perspective, they may not have realized how it read to me.

They’re not someone darkly planning to use me, they just used me. They probably don’t even know that I feel used (except I did communicate that with them at least lol but the friendship ended shortly after that so all I’ll get is an apology and facial expression of regret).

But they still hurt me. And I’m allowed to feel hurt. And the main hurt is we were so close for so long. I really did think I had made a life long friend. Even when I was profusely complaining about them behind their back because I’m a gossipy cunt, I truly thought that they were still a friend I would have for life.

Like my mom and dad both have friends who they don’t really get along perfectly with but they were around at crucial moments of their life and they know that they’ll always be there for them. I truly truly thought this person was one of them.

But the moment they moved slightly farther away from me, I immediately noticed that we were growing distant. They were still a ten minute walk away. Whereas before we were a two minute walk away, I guess the ten minute walk was too geographically far.

Sometimes I think it was my fault that I didn’t reach out enough. And honestly maybe it is. But the friendship was fading over Covid, we were all texting and face timing and shit but I don’t think they ever called me one on one ever during that time. I mean I also didn’t really call them but I guess I just didn’t think I’d have to. I just knew they were busy and I didn’t want to bombard them with asks to see each other like a needy puppy.

Luckily now I’m happy to ask cause a no is fine to receive but frankly I’ve sorta become a recluse where I’m happy to go do whatever and say yes to whatever if someone asks but often I’m perfectly content being at home doing nothing or going out to queer clubs by myself.

Anyways, it was the false promises that also hurt. The enthusiastic “we should definitely get lunch! We should definitely see each other more!” Followed by radio silence.

Each time we did see each other was always for like a purpose. “Let’s fill out paperwork we both need to mail and then not get lunch or anything after. We just get together, mail shit and then I drop you off at home and that’s it”.

And I guess the final hurt was the leaving without a word. Like no big fight or anything. Just gone without a word.

Like in the moment when I found out I was honestly very rudely happy. Others were sad that they left like that but in a weird way I was happy. I had felt like a bad friend for years because I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was the reason they stopped being as friendly with me. I thought that I was this cruel awful person for not being happy with our failing relationship. So them leaving, was relieving. No more worrying that I was a bad person, no more feeling left out. No more over thinking each interaction. It was over. They were gone. And I was as ecstatic.

With some time passing, I’m still happier without them but I’m also able to recognize that some of that joy was rooted in a dark part of me getting to be smug. That this fallout won’t hurt me because I called it. I get to feel validated in my negative feelings I pent up.

But my feelings always were valid. I would still be allowed to feel those petty feelings even if we were still friends.

Annoyance, anger, frustration, confusion

I felt all those things and I didn’t feel those things because I’m a terrible person, I felt those things because their actions made me feel that way.

I felt used, betrayed, cast aside, diminished. They made me feel small and unloved.

In my own insecurities I accepted in my mind that I would be the periphery friend. I told myself I was at peace being on the sidelines to avoid confronting the pain of wanting closer relationships while feeling the barrier.

I prepared for failure and am honestly surprised it didn’t do a self fulfilling prophecy thing where I acted like everyone didn’t really like me until they actually didn’t like me and then went oh I was right!

Instead I prepared and accepted and was ready to be cast aside whenever but now I have a stronger social group than I could ever imagine.

I never thought I could truly be myself unfiltered around so many people.

I no longer am scared of annoying people because even if I am annoying, I feel I’ve shown to the people I care about that I’m not just an annoying weirdo, that I’m also willing to do the work of community building and care.

I can scream at the tv about a thing I like and not feel embarrassed.

I’m happier without them.

But I still want the last word. I know I’ll never get it. But I’d love an apology. A sorry. And honestly I’d love to give forgiveness. To say you hurt me and people I love. And I forgive you. Never talk to me again.

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ticklemejoy · 6 months ago

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They say that the best way to move away from your misery is to physically move away from your misery.

I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I was tired I think I need a new town to leave this all behind I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of a sunset I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh-yeah

And quite literally, I did.

The ghosts that used to haunt me come calling once in a while but they don't break me. I think about them like an after thought. Like the rain that pours here. Over in five seconds and the sky is back to blue. Not sunny and beautiful, just blue.

Yet the ones that truly haunt us are the one that lingers quite subtly, almost insignificantly. The ones we choose to keep with us willingly because they neither hurt nor prove unworthy for keepsake.

One day, I sat watching Past Lives and I found myself in tears at the end. Granted, I get influenced emotionally all the time. Cry easily when someone in the show cries. Still, this felt close to home. The worst part was I could not quite figure out what it was that made me emotional. Who did I lose that made me relate to the story so well?

My brain tried to connect the dots, I think. I recalled the movie Love, Rosie. I know its significance but I forgot how I felt about it then. I was reminded of the email exchanges but I lost the account. And slowly, they piece themselves together into a dream I had last night.

The story of if:

I asked you, was it a no because of me or was it a no because of the time and season in your life? If it is a no because of time, I would not accept it. If your work and your family commitment makes you want to say no, I would not accept it. And if you assumed a certain level of commitment is required for me, I don't. I'm curious as hell about what happens with this if it's not me that you hate and it's not you that I hate. I'm curious enough yet not burdened enough to want it to become something of much value. And if that's the case, we should give it a shot. Explore this but without committing to anything. We will only give it up if we realised it's because of who we are or if we meet someone that we know for sure we are going to commit to.

Your usual gentleness pursues. You did not say yes but neither did you say no. That's something I would have to think about, you responded.

Somehow, I've garnered enough courage and balls to ask the following, though on hindsight perhaps this was the reason why we never moved forward and all this became a dream of what if and a narrative exercise for possible book ideas, I followed up, Okay, let's grab supper one day.

And for the next few weeks, we asked to meet each other on our immediate availability like the evening of the day itself or during our lunch breaks but never in advance for fear that our cowardice or sudden morality accumulated enough tenacity to stop us from continuing. The meet ups, no they were not dates, were almost at random but intentional. We asked about our families, about rumours that we heard about each other over the years. We let no one know about our meet ups because we never wanted anyone to question what we were. A question we were not ready to answer. Our mutual friends organised gatherings about their own life events. We were both present. We talked about going prior to the gathering but we mention not about arriving or leaving together, buying a gift together or anything to suggest a hint of togetherness. At the events, we laughed at jokes made by others. Played board games, competitively, interacting only when required by the game or by our ambitious nature to take a potential enemy down. Took glimpses occasionally at each other to find out what the other was doing. When one of us suggests to our hosts that we are leaving, the other, along with the rest of the visitors hopped on the same opportunity to leave altogether. We make departures known not to leave traces for the other to follow along like a rendezvous, no, all out of mere natural mannerisms of guests and socializing in a group. We continue to chat with others on our way to the station, never once suggesting that we had conversations outside of the ones we have right now in public.

Y: "Oh, I drove here actually and I parked somewhere past the station."

Others: "Oh I guess we are parting ways here then. We'll meet at the next big thing. What's coming up next?"

M: "Oh, was it J and D's send off? The one next month?"

Others: "Oh yeah, that should be the one coming up."

Y: "Oh yes, that one. Yeap, I think I'll be there. See you guys there then."

Others: "Yes man, see you there. So, who else is going to the station?"

M: "Oh, I'm taking the bus. I'm headed that way. See you guys at the send off."

Others: "Oh okay! See you guys then"

And we walked away from the group. Them not suspecting a single bit how we were both headed the same way. We do not mention how we somehow agreed to walk in the direction of your car. You asked, not because you were wondering why I was walking beside you, but rather if we are continuing our decided status, Are you taking the car?

I decisively nodded, Yeap, and hopped on the passenger seat. The familiar scent of leather from the past few drives home after our meet ups. We continued our usual candour and pace. We talked about the gathering, about how we thought everyone's moving at a incredible speed in life. Talked about work for a bit. How we are still up to our sleeves about the things we want to change.

Beneath my block, you pulled the car to a slow stop. We sit in silence for a bit. Undoubtedly questioning how the night took its turn but once again reminding each other of the decision we made. Exploring but not committing. You break the deafening silence, What will be the end of this? One of us hurt and...

Before you could complete your sentence, I interrupted with certainty, Only when either of us are sick of the other. Not the circumstances, not the assumptions that one would take advantage of the other. At our pace, how we want it to be, what we want to know.

I paused, wondering if my forthcoming was too intrusive, But, I don't find myself sick of you today. What about you? I asked confidently, knowing you are just as certain as I was about our feelings for each other.

Yes, it was a pleasant evening. I enjoyed the talks we had in the weeks before too, you agreed, with a gentle hesitant smile.

Before the scene plays out completely, I woke up from the dream built of what ifs. One without any promises of joy that might have been ours or pain that possibly lay if we went too far. I laid in bed wondering, where would it go from there? In reality, I had not been that brave, neither have you been that agreeable when pushed in a certain direction. Yet, neither of us said yes or no to how we felt. We were almost certain that we would let ying yuan lead us to where we should be, together or apart.

At the summation of it all, I figured, this was what made me tear up watching Past Lives. That after all, I kept everything I had about you. I enjoyed every bit of what you shared then. Your favourite singer, your favourite city, your favourite tv series, your favourite club, your favourite car and well of course, your favourite tumblr. I kept them all, not in memory of you but rather, I truly enjoyed every single one of them as my own. Like I said in my dream, it is not because of you that I hate or me that you hate but time and circumstances. And both time and circumstances, we were not brave enough to challenge in reality.

Perhaps ying yuan will find us somewhere down the road. Perhaps ying yuan will leave splatters of sparkles and abundance of blank spaces to fill with what ifs for the rest of our lives. Either ways, I am satisfied with all that is. Are you?

#past lives #what if #hello you #dear diary

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withbrighthope · 11 months ago

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This past weekend one of my dear friends from college, Kristen, suddenly went home to be with the Lord.

Because she was so young, because it was so unexpected, and because I wish it were different, the loss is still surreal...

One of my most quintessentially-Kristen stories happened right after her graduation from our shared Theatre department. Kristen was going to move that summer, so we made plans at her commencement to grab lunch a week or two later.

Cut to me reaching out the next week to confirm the details:

Kristen: "Oh, yeah, I can't make it. I moved to Florida."

Me: "--- What do you mean you moved to Florida?! You weren't supposed to go until June."

Kristen: "Well, I just realized it was going to be too hard to say goodbye, and that I'd rather not. So I packed up my car and moved three weeks early."

...I used to think I hated goodbyes more than anyone I'd ever met, until Kristen moved 800 miles overnight, just to avoid one.

///

Earlier that same year Kristen and I had performed together in a play called Doubt. It was a very small cast and we spent that winter rehearsing as a tight little unit.

Kristen's character famously appeared for just one 10-minute scene, but she captivated the audience so completely that more than a decade later her performance stays permanently marked in our memories.

One of our mutual friends recently reflected, "Life was full in her presence." It was that way both on and off the stage.

Following college we stayed in touch off and on for a decade, catching up through texts and an occasional call as we moved to opposite ends of the east coast (followed by opposite ends of the west).

And then, finally: a reunion.

A few summers ago Kristen told me she was traveling through California on a work trip. She drove south and I drove north and we remarked how surreal it was to finally come back together in the middle of a California desert. From the moment she stepped out of her car and smiled, her joy was as radiant and contagious as ever. We spent a couple hours laughing underneath the bright, summer sun.

I'll treasure it forever.

///

11-and-a-half-years have gone by, but these past few days have reminded me of that first phone call when I'd found out Kristen had moved without telling me.

After all this time, I again find tears in my eyes and "I didn't get to say goodbye" caught in my throat.

(And after all this time, I wonder if Kristen would still respond, "I'd rather not.")

///

As difficult as it is to imagine the years to come without Kristen here on this earth, I praise the Lord knowing she is with Jesus today. It is a deep peace to me.

I loved Kristen's relationship with God.

During one of our phone calls after college Kristen shared with me how she'd gone through a period of struggling with sleep. She attributed it to stress, anxiety, and a feeling of needing to get everything right. I asked her how she broke free of that season.

"I just realized that the only way to have real peace and joy came from knowing it didn't depend on me. I stopped hustling. I stopped trying to be perfect. I told God that I trusted He was the God of my story. Before bed each night I'd give Him my whole life all over again. And then I'd lay my head on my pillow and go to sleep."

I will think of Kristen's counsel again tonight, as I bring a mixed heartfull of sadness and gratitude for her life before the Father.

And when I lay my head on my pillow, I'll close my eyes and imagine Kristen right now.

I imagine her dancing, singing, and twirling.

If there is a stage in Heaven, I know she'll find it; I know she'll be there, worshipping through her art.

I picture her more dazzlingly radiant than she's ever been, as she and Jesus laugh together.

And I find myself dreaming of our next time together...

One day, before too long, I will get to be with Kristen again. I will run when I see her smile and we'll hug once more in a light as bright as the summer sun.

Finally: a reunion.

I can't wait to say Hello.

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purplesurveys · 2 years ago

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1642

Was your childhood wasted by something? Normalcy, I guess. Everyone I went to school with had both parents at home everyday, so I thought I was weird, unfair, and confusing that my own dad worked abroad and my mom worked the graveyard shift. All the men in the duplex I used to live in either drank or smoked or both. Every time I went to a friend’s house and saw both parents or a family eating dinner together inviting me to eat with them, it was always a mix of “Why isn’t it the same at ours?” and “This is such a breath of fresh air.”

Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? When you say adventure, the way I understand it is like falling off a cliff or getting accidentally wiped out by a passing train lol. That said, I’d much rather die in a bed.

Have your parents ever put you on a diet? No, I’ve never seriously needed to be in one.

Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? I had one threaten to do it but I hate that memory and try to never resurface it.

Do you have a gag reflex? Yeah.

Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? ‘Fantasize’ isn’t the right word for it...it’s always been just a very vague curiosity to try it. Last year I got to try vaping cannabis oil or whatever the fuck it was and it gave me the most horrible reaction, so I don’t plan on ever taking drugs.

Have you ever put gum in someone’s hair? No, such a crappy thing to do.

Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? Well I didn’t, but it honestly doesn’t matter to me. If my hypothetical next partner wanted to wait, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Have you ever not gone to school, just because? So many times. I’ve done it for work too, albeit a lot more infrequently. Do you know anyone who can play the bagpipes? No, I’ve never even seen one in real life.

Have you ever let someone hit you? Playfully, yeah. In the rare times someone hit me intentionally, I always hit back.

Do you own a hand warmer? Absolutely no use for something like that here.

Do you have friends in other states/countries? They were my friends when they used to live here, but we’ve all grown apart since. We remain mutuals on social media but that’s as far as it gets.

Do you ever pay attention during church? Nah. I use the entire hour to daydream or think about what to eat for lunch.

Have you ever broke a window? Nopes.

When was the last time you freaked someone out? Yesterday because I had to give my mom the news that Cooper aggressively bit the entire lower half of my face and it wasn’t looking good. She was out having lunch with my grandma, so I felt super bad that I had to interrupt it the way I did, but then again it was a serious emergency and she would’ve probably been a million times more worried and angrier if I had waited for her to come home before telling her.

Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No.

Who’s the last person you called a bitch? Probably my sister but it’s always as a joke or as a filler word.

Do you drink kool-aid? I’ve never had it before.

Have you ever dropped something hot on your foot? YES, tteokbokki sauce that was fresh out the microwave. Pain you wouldn’t believe, lmao.

Do you watch porn?: Yeah but it’s on a very once-in-a-while basis. I’ll watch if I’m in the mood for it, which isn’t often in the first place. Have you ever missed someone you hated? No. Bridges burned remain burned.

Is anyone in your family disabled? I have an aunt with Down syndrome.

What do you want for Christmas? I just ask for anything BTS-related lol but I always encourage them not to get pressured and to just get knockoffs because it’d be hard to accept authentic (i.e. EXPENSIVE) merch. If they don’t wanna bother with BTS or find it hard to pick a gift, I just ask for either food or soju hahaha.

How many moles do you have? Off the top of my head I can count 6, but I could be forgetting others.

Do you make your bed everyday? Almost never these days. My bed is super near the ceiling and I ALWAYS hit my head, much to my annoyance. Making my bed would give me 847548934 more bumps so...eh. The good thing about it is since the bed is super high up you can never see my blanket unfolded and my pillows in a heap and all, so I’m honestly unbothered about not making my bed as much anymore.

Do you know how to ride a bike? I don’t.

Do you own any comic books? I have a couple from my super short-lived comic book phase, but I haven’t touched them in years.

What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? Eating a siomai off the ground.

Do you know anyone who has been raped? Yep.

Are you an atheist? Yes.

Have you ever owned a goldfish? I did as a kid, yeah.

Who was the last person to call you beautiful? Not sure.

How many times have you been stung by a bee? Zero and I hope it remains zero.

What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Can’t even remember the last time I had gum lol strawberry, I think?

When was the last time you used tape? This morning.

When was the last time you said fuck? Yesterday when I saw how much I was bleeding from Cooper’s bite and when it was slowly dawning on me that I had to abandon all my plans for the day and go to the hospital ASAP.

Have you ever stolen something? Maybe like a pen here and there, but never anything bigger than that.

What’s the last movie you watched? Decision to Leave. It wasn’t my cup of tea though so I was unable to finish. Sorry Namjoon.

Who’s the last person you watched a movie with? I watched ^ that alone.

Where were you yesterday at 5 PM? In the hospital getting five fucking injections and a skin test. Worst time.

Who would you like to kiss right now? Nobody but Korean idols I happen to have the biggest delusion towards loljk

When was the last time you had tic tacs? Years ago.

When was the last time you ate chicken? Last Friday when I had a chicken sandwich.

Who was the last person you told to ‘Shut the fuck up’ to? Probably Tae during his last live?? LOL

Why were you last nervous? Yesterday because I was told that not only 1) did I need to get five injections, and 2) my HMO doesn’t cover animal bites. Everything that happened yesterday was so stupid I feel like it was entirely a dream.

Whose pants did you last take off? Uh, just my own.

When was the last time you were disturbed? Yesterday.

Why did you last feel awkward? This morning. Context: I went to one of my clients’ events which was running the whole weekend – and there was one attendee who confirmed for today and I had to keep her company.

Anyway, she was the one confirmation we had for Sunday so I didn’t have an excuse to ever leave her alone and start accommodating or small-talking other attendees LOL and it was a SUNDAY MORNING, so it was hard for me to keep the conversations coming, hard as I tried. There were a handful of moments we were just stuck in silence because she wasn’t so talkative herself.

When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? I don’t think I’ve ever quarreled with Angela since, like, grade school.

Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? No, I don’t use tampons.

Who was the last person you read a book to? I don’t think I’ve ever done that.

Who is the person you say the most naughtiest things to? Probably my ex.

Who was the last person to send you a letter? Andi.

Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Cupcakes.

Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yep.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? I definitely have, but only because I was hit first.

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pxrxcxa · 2 years ago

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Bated Breath

✶ One shot

Pairing | Eddie x Female reader 18+.

Post summary | Virgin Cheerleader y/n planned on loosing her v-card before heading off to college, after making a pact with Chrissy. But after her original plans fall through, she turns to the only person she thinks could get the job done properly. Eddie 'the freak' Munson.

What to expect | 18 + so minors DNI,

Post Warnings | Mentions of drug use, 18+ smut content. Fem oral and p -v penetration.

Word count | 4.1 K Word Count.

As always, any & all comments/reblogs are most appreciated - Love, P. x 🌿

Bated Breath Pt 2 is here

Authors Note | Even though this was a one shot, I lowkey want to write a sequel about why Eddie earned the name "freak". Anyways, this post was a little out of my comfort zone depth, so I hope its good. As always, if you reached this far down, thank you for reading & I hope you enjoyed it, love you sunflowers 🌻 P. x

___________________________________

The beat-up white and blue weather boards of Eddies trailer shone dimly in the moonlight; an icy breeze swirled around me as I mounted his front steps. I pulled my green school jersey tighter around my waist as I swung my head left and right, making sure no one was watching me creep through the darkness. The trailer park was devoid of human movement at this late hour, apart from a group of elderly men lounging in rickety lawn chairs, further down the way. Smoking cigarettes and sharing a whiskey bottle back and forth. Their gruff voices echoed off the surrounding trailers.

I took a deep breath and puffed out a cloud of hot air. My teeth started to chatter, because of the cold or my nerves, I wasn’t sure. It was hard to tell as I hesitated before his front door, my hand shaking as I raised it to lightly knock on it, second guessing my decision to come here. I had chickened out during our meeting in the woods earlier today after school, unable to carry out my carefully intended plan.

Eddie had slammed his metal lunchbox shut as I stuttered over the words ‘drug deal’ and clenched my hands together. It was clear there was no conviction behind my words, and he had given me an easy way out.

“Just say the word and I’ll go.” He had taken my silence for an answer and grabbed his jacket to leave, I didn’t have the courage to stop him and confess to the real reason I had slipped him a note during class, asking him to meet me there. “Swing by my place if you change your mind y/n.” He called out as he disappeared into the trees, leaving me sitting alone and astonished at the gnarled picnic table. I had sat there for hours after he left, absentmindedly carving my name with a rock into the side of the table, churning over my decision. Until the chilly air bit through the thin layers of my cheerleading uniform and I was forced to find refuge in my car back at the school parking lot.

__________________________________

I wasn’t going off to collage as a virgin, Chrissy and I had made a pact. We were both ending our relationships right after we graduated so we could have the whole ‘college experience’. She had already done the deed with Jason last weekend, at a party at the abandoned Benny’s. But when I had tried to bring it up to my boyfriend Andy, another one of the basketball players, I may as well of tried to seduce a brick wall. I had confided in Chrissy something that had been knawing at the pits of my stomach ever since we had started dating, he never seemed interested in me that way or ever tried to pressure me into touching him. If it wasn’t for the fact that he held my hand around our mutual friends at after game parties, I didn’t think an on looker would have been able to tell if we were a couple or just friends. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, except every school day at lunch, I listened to all the other cheerleaders complain and boast about whatever sexual encounter their boyfriends pressured them into.

Chrissy had suggested that maybe he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable and was waiting for me to let him know I was ready, so that night after school I invited Andy over to my house, under the pretence of studying for the final exams, planning it so that my parents wouldn’t be home. I had worn the sluttiest matching underwear set I could find from a lingerie shop that Chrissy and I had visited, hoping it would help me look like I knew what I was doing, or at least give me the confidence to fake it. But as I swung my legs over his lap to straddle him, crushing my lips to his in a frantic plea of acceptance, Andy had shoved me off of him, swearing at me and demanding to know what had gotten into me. He had stormed from my living room into the cool night air, leaving me shocked and vulnerable on the couch. My skirt hitched up around my hips and lipstick smudged across my chin as the chagrin feeling of rejection heated my face.

I hadn’t brought up the topic of sex with him again.

But my desired end result remained the same, losing my virginity. There weren’t many options of boys in my school that I could resort to without them immediately running to Andy.

Except maybe Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson. He was cute enough for me to enjoy kissing him, but best of all, he didn’t speak to anyone I did. There was virtually no crosser over between us in our daily lives. There was a very low risk of anyone finding out. Even if he did decide to expose me, no one would believe him. The thought sent a slight pang of guilt through me over the fact that I just planned on using him.

But that notion wasn’t what made me hesitate as I rapped my knuckles on Eddies front door. The revulsion spread across Andy’s face as he shoved me off of him, still haunted me. The poisonous thought that I was revolting, that no one wanted me, crept in from the back of my brain and now festered there, completely taking over. If Eddie rejected me, I was certain it would send me into a self-pitying spiral that would end in me never putting myself out there again.

Banging from inside the trailer ceased as my knocking resounded through the thin walls. Someone heavy footed approached the door, my nerves hitched up with every tread that brought them closer. I mentally reprimanded myself for not checking to see if Eddie would be alone right now. I stepped back from the doorstep, panicking that a parent was about to burst through it. But it was Eddie himself who wrenched the door open curiously, peering into the darkness to see who was interrupting his night.

He was shirtless already, his hair wet from a recent shower. Water droplets dripped from his tight curls over a tattoo . My stomach did a little flip as his eyes ran over my body, resting on the hem of my skirt.

“Y/n” he sighed, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Changed your mind?” he questioned, hooking a finger through one of his belt loops and leaning against the door frame.

I averted my eyes from his gaze and travelled down his chest, stopping on the trail of hair that disappeared beneath his jeans. My breathing becoming quicker as I steeled myself to tell him what I came here for. He tilted his head to my level, forcing me to acknowledge him. I glanced up at him through my eyelashes, the intensity of his stare making my cheeks flood. I bailed at the last second.

“I didn’t come here for drugs.” I barely whispered. His eyebrows shot up into his bangs, the cocky grin fading from his face, confusion replacing it.

“Oh?” He stood up straight, crossing his arms as he faced me, waiting for me to explain myself. I brushed past him, inviting myself in as I looked around his trailer. I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t this. It was cosy, filled with personal artefacts, not as metal and satanic as what people made him out to be. The smell of weed lingered in the air as I spun back to face Eddie, my grip on my jumper loosening. My hands fell to my side and fiddled with the hem of my skirt, becoming acutely aware of how short it actually was. I took a deep breath to relax, straightening my shoulders to push my chest out. Fuck it.

“I’m a virgin.” It was clear, that whatever reason Eddie thought I might have had for turning up at his doorstep at 9pm, shivering and nervous, wasn’t going to be me clueing him in on my sexual inexperience.

“Oh.” He repeated, his own blush reddening his face now. He crossed his arms and leaned forward, as he sort of paced in front of me. Concerns churned in my stomach as my admission hung in the air between us, every second that passed without a deeper response from him brought all my fears to light. I was seconds away from running when he stopped suddenly, turning to me.

“And you’re telling me because...?” He motioned his hand into the empty space between us, probing me to continue. I had come this far, apart from my ego there wasn’t a whole lot I could lose or damage.

“I’m telling you… because I want… you... to make me... not... a virgin.” I waited with bated breath for his outraged reaction, for him to laugh derisively and shake his head at me. But he froze, his eyes searching my face to see if I was serious. In a flash he was across the room, planting himself directly in front of me. I leaned back against the kitchen counter, the ledge digging into my hips as he hovered over me.

“Are you joking?” He splayed his fingers on the bench, placing his hands on both sides of me. He was close enough now that I could smell the mint body wash radiating off of his skin. “Why?” He asked me, looking between my eyes.

I licked my lips as I got full body shivers, unable to answer him. His eyes softened as he began to lean away from me. I reflectively reach out to grab his upper arm, holding him in place as my nails dug into his skin out of desire.

“Because I want to.” Was all I managed to get out before my gaze dropped from his in embarrassment, staring at the ingrained dirt in the kitchen floor tiles. A warm strong finger lifted my chin up, locking his eyes with mine.

“If you’re sure…” He trailed off, watching my face for a flicker of doubt. There wasn’t any. I nodded meekly, my breathing becoming irregular.

“When?” He questioned, allowing some space between us. I shook my head, my voice surprisingly steady given how fast my legs were trembling.

“I leave for a family holiday in a few days, then I’m back for graduation and then off to college. I don’t have any more time.” My words were frantic, trying to make Eddie see what I meant. He was smarter than people gave him credit for.

The words had barely passed my lips before he closed the distance between us, still giving me plenty of time to stop him before he crushed his lips to mine. Their warm softness moulding to mine in an unfamiliar feeling. I melted against his strong body, his arms pinned on both sides of me moved closer to rest on my hips, practically holding me upright as my knees buckled. I moaned against his mouth as his tongue caressed my lips, the taste of him better than I could have ever imagined. His pace picked up at the noise, his hand leaving my waist to grip the hair at the back of my neck, tilting my head back to allow him deeper access.

“Tell me what you want.” He breathed as his mouth moved against my neck, leaving soft kisses as he trailed across my jaw. I moved my own hands to twist in his hair, mulling over how it was softer than mine. I considered his words briefly. What did I want? Apart from a few light drunken make out sessions at high school parties, I had had no sexual experiences that helped me discover what I enjoyed. Stress twisted in my stomach again as I realised that I was going to have to instil all of the trust that I had, in Eddie, allowing him to hold me as he guided me through the entire night.

He broke apart from my skin, the cool air hitting the warm wet patch his lips left behind. He dark eyes gleamed with something exciting. Only one thought consumed me as I recognised the hungry look in his eyes.

“Just be gentle, please.” I pleaded, he gulped and gave me a sweet smile, running his large hands down the sides of my stomach to rest just above my ass.

“Of course, princess.” I jolted at the foreign nickname; a different feeling other than lust crawling up my frame. Before I could react, he bent down and hitched his arms around the backs of my knees, picking me up and wrapping my legs around him so I was straddling him while he was standing. A gleeful squeal fell from my lips as he headed down the hallway, presumably to his bedroom. He kicked he open door wider, exposing a slightly messy room to me. The smell of weed was stronger in here, but I didn’t mind. Legions of band posters covered his walls; similar looking magazines littered his floor and bed side table. I averted my eyes as they landed on an issue with a naked woman adorning the cover, butterflies churning in my stomach, I focused on an unlocked pair of handcuffs hanging from a nail hammered into the opposite wall from us, innocently wondering why Eddie had them. He hesitated at the open door, his hands slowly moving up from my knees, up my thighs to cusp my ass. His eyes meeting mine to silently ask if that was okay.

I tightened my hands around the back of his neck, twirling my fingers in the stray hairs at the nape of his neck.

“So yeah, welcome to my kingdom.” He tensed under me, like he was embarrassed and waiting for my reaction. I tickled his throat to try and relax him, flashing him a comfortable smile. After we shared our first kiss, most of my nerves had evaporated. After he promised to be gentle, I knew Eddie would be a man of his word, and even though he was doing me a favour I wanted tonight to be as pleasurable for him as it would hopefully be for me. I brought my mouth to his neck, leaving delicate kisses along his strong jawline. I found my way to his ear as I nipped at his earlobe.

“I like it.” I purred, his hands tightened around my ass as he laid me gently on his bed, hovering over me. He held his body flush against mine but carried all of his body weight as to not squish me.

“Are you sure you’re sure?” He murmured again, watching me carefully like he was waiting for me to change my mind. I smiled and nodded, urging him on to keep going.

That was all the confirmation he needed, sitting back on his heels he ran his big hands up the length of my thighs, pushing my short cheer skirt up to my midriff, exposing my lacy panties. I hoped that the growing patch of wetness between my thighs was hidden behind the black colour of my matching set.

Unlike Andy, Eddies eyes devoured me. Soaking up every part of my exposed skin – which wasn’t a whole lot. A pretty smile played on his lips as he caressed the soft inner skin of my thighs, squeezing them as he got closer to my sensitive spot. I gasped as his fingers brushed past my clothed slit, almost like he did it accidently. His eyes burned as they flashed up to meet my flushed face, spurring forward to kiss away the moan from my mouth. I bent my knees, widening my legs as he settled in closer to me, pressing his hardened cock against me. Another quiet gasp slipped past my lips as my eyes broadened. Fear filling my throat for the first time, the pressure between his jeans, pulsing against me was impressive and daunting. I had played with myself before, so I knew roughly how tight I was, I could not comprehend how he was going to fit all of him inside of me. Laughing a little at my expression, like he knew what I was thinking, Eddie pressed his forehead to mine.

“It’s okay y/n, I’ll go slow. I’ll be soft.” He pressed another passionate kiss to my mouth, running his hands over my chest. My nipples had already become erect at my arousal, his fingers playfully pinched them through the fabric. I moaned loudly and arched my hips into his, begging for more. He grinned against my lips and lifted his head up, his hair falling in a curtain around both of our faces, protecting us from the world outside and concealing us in our own little bubble.

His purposeful fingers trailed down my abdomen, tracing my bare skin above the band of my skirt. I groaned with frustration, my impatience breaking through. I leant forward , bumping against Eddie’s nose to rip my shirt over my head, wanting him to see more of me. All of me. I laid back down as my tits bounced dangerously in the half cups of my new bra, threating to spill over. He groaned seductively as I sprawled against his pillow, running his hands over the lacy fabric. He pulled it down to expose me, quickly enveloping one of my nipples in his wet mouth, his hand twisting the other one as to not leave it out. I knotted my fingers through his curls, my hips bucking up with each pleasure shock his mouth sent through me. His removed his lips from my boob to trace kisses down my sternum, pausing as he reached the top of my panties.

My heavy breathing stopped as I looked down to meet his eyes staring back at me through his thick lashes. I splayed my hands across my stomach as the vulnerability of my position hit me. He pried my hands away and pinned them at my sides. He intertwined our fingers together, his thick rings pressed against my knuckles. His free hand slowly rubbed up and down my slit, damping the already wet patch in my underwear. I moaned and rolled my head back, squeezing my eyes shut as a tight warm feeling burned in my lower abdominal.

Cold air hit my pussy as he pulled my panties to the side, I barely had time to marvel at the temperature change before he pressed his tongue inside of me, running it along the length of me. He spread my lips with his free hand to open me up better, bringing his mouth higher and sucking at my sweet spot. I gasped and writhed madly as the new sensation took over me.

“You like that y/n?” Eddie muttered from between my thighs, my voice was ripped away from me as he removed his hand from mine to slowly slide his index finger inside of me. I clutched his sheets at my side, twisting and pulling them until they came off the mattress. He let me adjust to the intrusive feeling before slowly pulling his hand back and pumping it into me, as far as it would go until I could feel his cold ring at my entrance. He tongue lapped at my clit and his finger curled inside of me. His pace picked up faster and faster in response to the gasps and moans tumbling from my lips. If I wasn’t so caught up in the growing warm feeling, and massive waves of pleasure wracking my body, I would have been embarrassed of the noises Eddie’s long fingers were coaxing out of me.

As my chest rose and fell rapidly, my moans turning into almost screams, he suddenly pulled out of me and sat back, assessing my shaking body. My body shook as it faltered on the brink of something, I gasped at the abrupt feeling of his body missing from mine. My legs shook as I panted at him, his chin was glistening wet, sending a stab of mortification through me. Curious, I sat forward on my elbows and reached up to wipe my hand across the lower half of his face, licking my essence of my fingers. He stared back astonished.

“What’s wrong?” I puffed, aching for him to bring himself back into me. My eyes flittered down to hips, his bulge now well and truly straining against his jeans, his own wet patch there.

“How do you want to cum?” He asked me, fondling himself through his pants, I reached out automatically to replace his arm with mine, clenching my hands against his length. He groaned and tossed his head back, his lips parting as he let out a moan of his own.

“Cum?” I questioned naively, fumbling with his belt buckle. His quicker hands moved to knock mine out of the way trying to undo his belt.

“Yeah, cum. It’s when all those good feelings sort of come together into one and explode.” He looked down quizzically at me. “Wait, you’ve never came? Not even on your own?” His hands tightened on my wrist, helping guide my fist along his shaft through the thick fabric, I got frustrated and pulled his jeans down his thighs, his grey boxes the only thing hiding him from me now.

“No, I haven’t, well I don’t think I have, maybe, I don’t know.” I watched amorously at his reaction under my touch. His breathing quickened and he rolled his hips into my hands.

“I think you’d know if you had, princess, do you want to cum with me inside of you?” He pulled away from me suddenly, leaving my grasp empty. “Fuck - I’m not going to last much longer if you keep doing that to me y/n.” He whimpered.

“I want you inside of me Eddie.” Wanting him to show me what he meant, I slowly leaned back against his soft pillows, rolling my body up against him as an invitation.

While always touching me somehow, he leant over me to his bedside table and grabbed a condom from there. He clenched it between his teeth and ripped it open, he reached down between his legs, wriggling slightly while maintaining eye contact with me. I bit my bottom lip between my teeth, nervously waiting for what came next. He hovered above me for a still moment, our beaths mingling. Leaning down on one arm, his hand cupping my cheek, he pressed his dick against my entrance, running it up and down my opening, collecting the wetness his tongue had created.

I gasped loudly as he pushed his first few inches in, stopping for a moment as my walls expanded, making room for him. He continued like that for a few minutes until he bottomed out in me, both of us groaning in pleasure as he filled me up. Pausing for a second to share a sweet kiss, allowing the slight pain to turn to pleasure, he started pumping in and out of me. I grabbed onto his shoulders to steady myself, my nails leaving crescent marks on his smooth skin. The burning heat returned as his slipped his hand back to my clit and rubbing soft circles there, hurtling me towards the edge, building faster with each thrust he slammed into me. I wrapped my legs around his waist as my body convulsed.

“Fuck -fuck -fuck, Eddie... I think. I think I’m... Eddie, Eddie ahh fuck” I buried my face in the crook of his neck, moaning as the peak of my pleasure rolled through my body in waves. He held me tightly as he continued to thrust into me more for a few more moments, before he shuddered and collapsed against my chest. We stayed locked in each other’s embrace for a private moment. Silence settled around us comfortably before he rolled off of me, quickly disposing the condom out of my sight, pulling my head down onto his chest and wrapping his arms around me.

I shivered and he pulled the covers up around me.

“Cold?” He murmured tiredly, I shook my head and smiled against his chest. The remainder of my pleasure softly leaving my body as my heartrate returned to its normal pace.

“Just happy. Can I stay?” I pouted up to him, only seeing the corner of his mouth lift up in the darkness.

“Of course, Princess.” His arms automatically tightened around me, stroking his fingers lightly up my bare back.

“Oh Eddie?” I asked groggily, sleep moments away from pulling me under its serene depths. Mmmm was his only response, sounding exhausted as I was.

“What are the handcuffs for?” His deep laugh rumbled through his chest, vibrating against my ear that was pressed to his torso.

“I’ll show you in the morning.” He winked down at me, leaning in slowly to place his soft lips once more against mine.

Part Two

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Also Readers - if anyone is looking for a slow burn Eddie x y/n, check out my Opposite Ends series.

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#eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fic #eddie smut #eddie fluff #eddie x reader #eddie x reader smut #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie x you

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btsqualityy · 4 years ago

Text

I Choose You

Taehyung x Reader

Genre: ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, crushes-to-lovers, kind of a soulmate!AU (it’s based on their scents), fluff, and smut

Warnings: Oral sex (Male and female receiving), unprotected sex, dirty talk, soft Dom!Taehyung, impregnation kink, and creampie

Author’s Note: This fic is based on a prompt from the Spring Fest “Spring Will Come Again” hosted by @bangtanarmynet! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Prompt: Every Spring Fest, the unmated Alphas had to choose a mate but when Taehyung felt a pull, he didn’t expect it to lead to you.

“Come on!” Taehyung whined loudly. “Just tell me!”

“You know that I cannot tell you who is participating in the Mating Ceremony Tae,” Jimin giggled. “It’s against pack rules.”

“Alright, well just give me a clue,” Taehyung tried to bargain. The two of them were sat outside in the territory that belonged to their pack, deciding to enjoy their lunch in the newly nice weather.

“You know, to be an Alpha, you have no sense of patience,” Jimin laughed.

“And for you to be an Omega, you have no sense of loyalty to your best friend,” Taehyung pouted.

“Oh God, he’s pulling out the pouts,” Jimin groaned playfully. “If you’re so impatient about not being able to know who’s participating in the Ceremony beforehand, then why are you even doing it?”

The Mating Ceremony was an age old tradition in Taehyung’s pack that occurred every year, right at the start of the Spring Festival. For people who still believed in soulmates, the Mating Ceremony was an unbiased opportunity for those people to find the one that their soul desired. The Omegas and Betas would gather together, with their faces hidden, and it was up to an Alpha to use only their sense of smell to find the scent that they liked the most.

Of course, a lot of people felt that scents weren’t the only important thing when it came to building the foundation of a relationship as time has passed but it was still an honored and revered tradition nonetheless.

“Besides the fact that literally everyone that I know has found their mate during the Ceremony?” Taehyung huffed. “The fact that I’m almost 26 years old and haven’t found my mate yet.”

“Oh please, you say that as if you’re old and if you’re old, then I’m old,” Jimin said as he rolled his eyes. “And I’m definitely not old.”

“Well, you say that because you’re not alone,” Taehyung pointed out. “My parents found each other 27 years ago, Yoongi hyung found you three years ago, Joon hyung found Aareum the year before that, and hell, even Jin hyung found Jungkookie last year. Too long, didn’t read, I’m gonna die alone if I don’t do it.”

“I feel so bad for your future mate because you are so fucking dramatic,” Jimin laughed as he reached over and stole a French fry off of Taehyung’s plate.

“You’d have time to warn them if you’d just tell me who’s joining this year,” Taehyung tried to persuade him. “Come on, what’s the point in having the Head Omega as your best friend if he doesn’t supply you with useful information?”

“Oh, and here I was thinking that I was your bestfriend because I’m your platonic soulmate,” Jimin scoffed. “Look Tae, the entire point of the Mating Ceremony is to let your heart and your nose do the deciding for you. If I tell you who’s participating and who’s not, it’ll cloud your judgement and then the whole thing will be moot.”

“Ugh, fine Mr. “I wanna be ethical”,” Taehyung sighed as he stood up from the table. “I gotta go and finish up my gift for the Ceremony so I’ll see you later.”

“See you later, Pouty Pants,” Jimin giggled as he waved his hand and Taehyung began to walk around the territory. He wasn’t lying when he said that he needed to go finish working on his courting gift, but he figured that it wouldn’t hurt to take a walk around the pack’s territory before he did.

Taehyung’s pack was pretty tight knit, though it was considered to be considerably larger than the other surrounding packs. Even though Taehyung’s family weren’t the ones who founded the pack, his great-great-grandfather was one of the first members to join the pack so Taehyung‘s family line literally had stakes in the very beginning of the pack.

Growing up, Taehyung had been pretty well known around the pack but after he presented as an Alpha, it was as if he were a celebrity. Every unmated Alpha, Beta, and Omega seemed to be after him and admittedly, he had enjoyed the attention for the last few years but now, he was ready to find his mate, settle down, and start a family.

Just as Taehyung walked around the corner that separated the school building and the doctor’s house, he collided with a figure that had literally rushed into him.

“Hey!” Taehyung yelped, gasping when the papers that the person had been holding fell down onto the ground.

“Oh my gosh,” you whispered, bending down and beginning to pick the papers up. Taehyung bent down as well, helping when he realized who you were.

“Y/N?” He called and you looked up at him, your eyes widening when you realize who he was.

“Oh Taehyung, I’m so sorry,” you apologized, bowing your head to him.

“No no no, it’s ok. Don’t worry about it,” he assured you. “Just let me help you with these.”

“I already ran into you, you don’t have to,” you tried to say but Taehyung just cut you off.

“I want to,” he chuckled and you just decided to let it go as the two of you finished picking up all of the fallen papers. Once you were both done, you stood up straight and Taehyung handed the small stack of papers that he had collected over to you.

“So, where were you off to that has you in such a rush?” Taehyung wondered with a smile.

“Well, uh, the start of Spring marks the halfway point in the second half of the schoolyear for the pups so I was in a rush to get their progress reports finished,” you explained and Taehyung couldn’t help but to smile at how shy you still seemed to be around him.

The two of you knew of each other from around the pack and you went to school together, being as though the two of you were born in the same year. Because of that, you both had a lot of mutual friends but the two of you never hung out much because you were really shy and seemed almost scared of Taehyung so he always made sure to give you your space.

“Ah, you do work in the school building,” he chuckled.

“With the seven to nine year olds,” you smiled.

“I remember, I remember,” he nodded. “Well, besides that, how are you?”

“Good, good,” you replied. “Busy as ever this time of year, but good. How about yourself?”

“I’m good, just preparing for the Spring Festival, ” he told her.

“Oh, are you doing the Mating Ceremony this year?” You asked and he nodded his head.

“Are you?”

“I’ve never done it before and I don’t think I’ll start now,” you giggled. “It’s not really my thing.”

“What, finding your soulmate isn’t your thing?” Taehyung teased.

“No, I meant that not being picked by anyone wouldn’t be my thing,” you clarified.

“Oh please, somebody would definitely choose you,” Taehyung said. “I know that we don’t talk much but anyone can see that you’re a good woman and a great Omega. I bet that any Alpha would be proud to have you be their mate.”

“Oh,” you uttered in surprise, and Taehyung couldn’t help but to feel a little sense of pride at how flustered he had made you. “T-Thank you Taehyung.”

“You’re welcome,” he grinned.

“W-Well, I have to go,” you murmured. “See you around?”

“Yeah, see you,” Taehyung agreed but he didn’t know if you’d even heard him because you were already walking, almost running, away from him.

.....................................

Even though the Spring Fest was being held during the first week of April, Taehyung had made the decision that he’d be participating back in December of the previous year and this was because he wanted to make sure he had enough time to prepare his courting gift. A courting gift would show his future mate that he was serious about them so it took Taehyung a lot of thought to decide what he wanted to give his future mate. In the end though, it was actually Taehyung’s mother who helped him.

He off-handedly mentioned that he was trying to figure out a gift and she ended up giving him his great-grandmother’s engagement ring. It was a ruby that sat on a nest of gold diamonds, with a gold band to accompany it. Taehyung was familiar with it because it was a family heirloom and he was so honored that his mother trusted him with it.

When the first day of the Spring Fest arrived, Taehyung made sure that the ring box was nestled safely in the pocket of his slacks before he checked his appearance in the mirror. Wanting to look his best, he settled on a button up dress shirt that was a deep maroon color and paired it with black slacks. He added a few simple accessories like a few rings on both hands and earrings but he skipped any necklaces or bracelets, wanting to makes sure that nothing would get in the way of someone being able to smell his scent.

“Let’s go find our mate,” Taehyung whispered to himself, making sure to fix his hair one last time before hurrying up and rushing out of the front door of his house.

The Mating Ceremony was to be held in the large flower garden that was towards the back of the pack’s territory. The logic behind it was that finding your soulmate amongst beautiful things would help your relationship with said soulmate be beautiful as well.

When Taehyung got there, he immediately spotted Jin and Jungkook sitting together on a bench so he walked over to them.

“Hi Tae hyung!” Jungkook greeted him happily.

“Hi,” Taehyung replied. “You guys came for moral support?”

“You know it,” Jin nodded. “You look really good Tae-ah.”

“Ready to find your soulmate?” Jungkook wondered.

“Thank you, and hopefully,” Taehyung sighed heavily. “I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t worry hyung, all you have to do is trust your nose,” Jungkook told him.

“Kook’s right, you know our senses will never purposefully lead us wrong,” Jin added.

“Thanks for the advice guys,” Taehyung chuckled, reaching out and ruffling Jungkook’s hair a little. Suddenly, a voice erupted over the loud speakers that had been placed around the garden.

“The Mating Ceremony is about to commence,” the voice that Taehyung recognized as Jimin announced. “If you are offering a gift, please get into position.”

“Well, that’s my cue,” Taehyung said.

“Relax and don’t worry,” Jin advised him. “Just...let it happen.”

“Ok,” Taehyung nodded before turning around and walking over to a large wall of white roses. Falling into line with several other Alphas and Betas who were also participating in the Ceremony, he waited with baited breath as another line of Omegas and Betas stepped into the garden and walked over to stand right in front of the wall of roses.

Every Omega or Beta had a veil or mask over their face so that they couldn’t be seen, and their own choice of outfit but most of them were dressed pretty formally, just like Taehyung was.

“Alphas and Betas who are presenting gifts, you know the rules,” Jimin spoke up again. “No sneaking a peek at anybody until you offer them your gift and they actually accept it, no trying to force your gift upon anyone who makes it clear that they do not want it, and trust your instincts! Happy finding!”

Taehyung then closed his eyes, taking a deep inhale in order to smell the air around him. He picked up a few scents here and there, with hints of chocolate and mint but none of them especially stuck out to them. He then opened his eyes and they slightly widened when he saw some of the Alphas and Betas already offering gifts to some of the Betas and Omegas who had been waiting. He had to admit, it kind of shocked him because it was seemingly so simple for them but not for him. Deciding to follow everyone’s advice and trust his senses, he shut his eyes again and took another deep breath it, and that was when he smelled it.

The initial wave that hit his nose was reminiscent of tangerines, and then that was mixed with the scent of berries that seemed to almost intermingle with the tangerine scent. Those were two very typical scents, especially for Omegas, but what really caught Taehyung’s attention was the scent of pink champagne. It was something that he had never smelt in a scent before and before he could even realize it, he was moving towards the source of the scent.

When he realized that he had stepped up to the person that the scent belonged to, he took a second to look over them. It seemed to be a woman, who had on a flowing white dress along with a small matching white veil. Taehyung reached out and extended his wrist towards their nose for them to be able to smell his scent clearly and when the woman let out an appreciative hum, Taehyung’s heart clenched because this was it. He had found the one.

Taehyung reached into his pocket and took out the ring box, extending it towards the woman. The woman then reached out and took the box from it, a soft giggle coming from her as she did so.

“Thank you,” the woman said and Taehyung’s eyes widened because he recognized the voice, he just couldn’t remember where from. When the woman reached up and lifted the veil back from her face, Taehyung wanted to kick himself for not immediately recognizing who the voice came from.

“Hi,” you smiled.

.....................................

“I cannot believe that I didn’t know that it was you,” Taehyung huffed.

“Well, that’s kind of the point Taehyung,” you giggled from your spot on his bed. After the ceremony had ended, Taehyung invited you back to his house so that the two of you could have some alone time.

“I just didn’t expect this,” he said as he sat down next to you.

“Are you...upset that I’m your mate?” You asked wearily and Taehyung immediately shook his head.

“No!” He exclaimed. “Even though we don’t talk much, I know that you’re amazing. Hell, Jungkook raves about you all the time. I also meant what I said the other day.”

“W-Well, that’s good,” you replied shyly. “By the way, I’m sorry for not talking to you much over the years.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” he shrugged. “I just figured that you were shy and I don’t mind that.”

“It wasn’t shyness, though,” you blurted and his eyebrows rose.

“Really?”

“The truth is, I’ve had a crush on you since you presented,” you confessed.

“Y/N, that was almost 10 years ago,” he gasped in surprise. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I never thought that I had a chance,” You chuckled. “For years, every unmated Omega and Beta and even some Alphas have been after you. When you look at them and then look at me, I’m not as interesting or as beautiful when compared to them. I don’t know, I just don’t think that I measure up.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Taehyung admonished you. “You’re gorgeous Y/N-ah, and the sweetest person I know.”

“Really?” You deadpanned.

“Absolutely,” he nodded. He could tell that you didn’t believe him though, so he decided to be honest. “You wanna know something?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve had a crush on you too,” he admitted, making your eyes widen. “Not for as long as you have, but at least two years. I just never made a move because you seemed so shy around me and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable because I figured that you just weren’t interested.”

“Seriously?” You gasped and he nodded. “We’re a big pair of idiots then, huh?”

“Definitely,” he laughed as he reached over and grabbed both of your hands in his. “It’s a good thing that we both decided to participate in the Ceremony then, huh?”

“Another confession? I only joined because I was hoping that my Omega would be able to say to your Alpha what I’ve never been able to bring myself to say aloud,” you told him.

“And what is that?”

“That I want to be with you, Kim Taehyung,” you replied. Taehyung felt his Alpha preen at your confession and it wasn’t that Taehyung had doubted the validity of the Ceremony but actually being able to feel the connection between the two of you only solidified everything for him.

“I want to be with you too Y/N L/N,” he smiled. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” you giggled and Taehyung let go of your hands to set his hands on your cheeks, leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss began soft at first, the both of you feeling a little nervous since this whole thing was so new.

It wasn’t until you laid back on the bed, pulling Taehyung down along with you that the two of you became more comfortable, you opening your mouth and allowing his tongue to slide against yours. Taehyung set his hand on your thigh, gently tracing random shapes with his fingertips as you kissed each other passionately.

“Y/N, I have to ask you something,” he murmured and you pulled away from his lips to look up at him.

“What is it?”

“Are you a virgin?” He wondered and you felt your cheeks warm up immediately. “I’m not trying to be intrusive or anything, I just want to know so that I can gauge how comfortable you are.”

“Do you remember when I dated Xiumin?” You asked him and he rolled his eyes.

“That dickhead? Yeah,” he huffed.

“I lost my virginity to him.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m in love with that piece of information,” he admitted.

“I only dated him because I was trying to get over you, which sounds really bad when I say it out loud,” you laughed. “That was around the same time that you were dating Jisoo.”

“Ah,” he said as he set his fingertips over your lips to silence you. “We don’t mention that forbidden name.”

“Ok, sorry,” you giggled.

“So, if I told you that I want to have sex with you tonight,” Taehyung began, making your lower half clench around nothing. “Would you want to?”

“Yes,” you rushed out. “I want to.”

“Good, because I want to too,” he smiled before leaning down and kissing you again. You moaned into his mouth when he moved over so that he was on top of you, his lips never leaving yours as he did so. He then trailed his lips downwards, licking and sucking on the skin of your neck.

“Ohh,” you sighed in pleasure, reaching down and tangling your fingers in his hair. Taehyung pulled away and reached up to grab your hands, untangling them from his hair and holding your wrists firmly when he placed them back down on the bed above your head, holding them there.

“You keep these here for me, ok?” He asked and you could tell from his tone that he was both asking for permission and clarification.

“Ok,” you whispered and he smiled.

“Perfect Omega,” he murmured as he went back to kissing your neck and you had to clasp your hands together because you were too tempted to reach down and touch him again. After he had left a few marks on your neck, he brought his hands up and grabbed onto your breasts which made you gasp.

“As beautiful as this dress is Y/N-ah, I think we should take it off now. Yeah?” Taehyung suggested and you nodded your head rapidly. He moved off of you so that you could sit up and he moved around the bed on his knees so that he was behind you. He reached out and pulled down the zipper on your dress, and you reached up and pulled the dress down off of your shoulders. Once your arms were out of it, you got up onto your knees and pushed it down your legs and onto the floor.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous Y/N-ah,” he muttered huskily as he took in the sight of you in your stark white bralette and white lace panties. Your Omega preened at his praise, making your cheeks warm up.

“Really?”

“Really,” he smiled, moving back around your body and leaning down so that he was face to face with your breasts as he reached out to grab ahold of them. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one,” you whispered as he pulled the material of the bralette to the side, causing both of your breasts to fall out. Without another word, he leaned forward and sucked your nipple into his mouth. You couldn’t help but to fall back on the bed, Taehyung falling along without a problem and not letting up on the onslaught that was his tongue.

Once your nipple had stiffened to a peak, he switched over to your other nipple and gave it the same treatment. You could smell your scent from in between your thighs, the notes of berries and pink champagne becoming stronger and stronger the wetter you became.

You knew Taehyung could smell you too, because you could feel the outline of his hard cock against your inner thigh.

“Fuck, Alpha,” you whimpered. “Wanna suck you off.”

“Whatever you want baby,” he agreed easily after pulling his mouth away from you, sitting up and reaching down to unbutton his slacks. You sat up, watching with hooded eyes as he unzipped them, pushing them down a little bit so that he was able to pull out his cock and your mouth literally watered at the sight of it.

Taehyung’s cock wasn’t enormous, but it was definitely longer than average and it looked to be thick. You reached out and wrapped both of your hands around his length, and you felt yourself become wetter when you realized that you couldn’t even wrap your hands around him completely.

“Fuck, I can smell you baby,” he grumbled and you moaned softly at the pet name. “Do you like what you see?”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, leaning forward and wrapping your lips around the head of his cock. He exhaled harshly, looking down to watch as you did your best to take as much of him in your mouth as possible. You actually managed to do pretty good, doing your best to breathe through your nose as you sunk down closer and closer to the base of his cock.

“Oh fuck,” he huffed. “Such a good girl, taking Alpha’s cock down your throat.” Bringing your hands back up, you stacked both of them on top of each other as you jerked him off while suckling on the head of his cock.

“God, that feels good. Makes me want to fuck your throat,” he grumbled. “You gonna let me do that one day baby? Gonna let Alpha use your mouth?”

“Mmm, yes Alpha,” you gasped after releasing him from your mouth, your spit acting as lube as you continued to jerk him off.

“Fuck, lay down for me,” he instructed you. “I have to taste you.” You didn’t hesitate to follow his instructions, laying back on the bed and resting on your forearms as you watched him push his slacks and boxers down and off his legs before he moved onto unbuttoning his shirt.

He wasn’t overly muscular but you could still see the outline of what would be a six-pack, and your inner Omega loved the fact that your Alpha would be able to protect you if need be.

Taehyung laid down on his front in between your legs, pulling your panties to the side before leaning forward and licking a stripe up your pussy, from your slit up to your clit. You gasped, your thighs involuntarily coming to together but Taehyung’s hands came up to push them back down.

“Be still and let me make you come baby,” he whispered and you nodded numbly. He then went back to licking at you, making you whine and squirm underneath him.

“Huh, holy shit,” you gasped, your chest beginning to move up and down quickly as your orgasm approached you. “Please don’t stop Tae.”

“Mmm,” he moaned against you, shaking his head back and forth over your clit which made his tongue do the same.

“Do that again,” you requested and he obliged you, shaking his head back and forth rapidly and you felt your orgasm winding to it’s end in your abdomen. “Fuck yes, I’m gonna come.” Your head fell back onto the bed and just as you closed your eyes and felt yourself about to tip over the edge into ecstasy, Taehyung pulled away from you.

“What?” You whimpered as you opened your eyes, looking down at him.

“I want you to come on my knot,” he told you. He reached out and grabbed the band of your panties, pulling them down your legs and throwing them onto the floor. He then settled himself in between your thighs, leaning down and letting his cock rub against your clit.

“If you want me to come on your knot, you shouldn’t do that,” you whimpered.

“You could come like this?” He wondered in awe and you nodded your head. “We’re gonna have to test that out one day.”

“We have the rest of our lives for that,” you promised him.

“You got that right,” he smiled, moving his hips so that he could slide inside of you. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your hands gripping onto his arms as he slowly opened you up.

“Fuh, fuck,” you stuttered, your eyes fluttering closed at how good he felt inside of you, stretching you out in the best way.

“God, you’re so tight but you’re opening up so well for me baby,” Taehyung grunted, making sure to push his hips as close to yours as he could so that he could go as deep as possible. “You really are my mate, huh?”

“Yes,” you whispered, your mind barely being able to comprehend his words because the feeling of being completely and utterly clouded all of your senses. He continued to roll his hips against yours, his cock dragging against your walls as he did.

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this, how much I’ve thought about this,” he muttered. “I’d see you walking around the territory all shy, keeping your eyes low so that people wouldn’t approach you and all I could think about was that you were the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and how much I wanted to fuck you with my knot.”

“Mmm, knot,” you slurred, making Taehyung smile because of course knot was the word that you caught.

“I’d watch you with the pups, teaching them and being so gentle and patient with them and my only thought would be about how I wanted to fuck some pups of my own into you so that you could be their mother,” he groaned, his hips stuttering slightly when he felt your walls clench around him like a vice grip. “Oh, you want that? Want Alpha to give you some pups?”

“Fuck yes,” you moaned wantonly, moving your own hips so that you were fucking back onto him. “Want your cum, want a pup.”

“I’ll give it to you baby,” he swore as he began to fuck you faster. “Alpha will give you anything you want.”

“W-want you,” you whined as you felt your orgasm quickly building back up again.

“You have me baby,” he chuckled deeply. “You always have, I think.”

“A-alpha, g-gonna c-c-come,” you managed to utter as your body moved up and down the bed, the force of Taehyung fucking you literally moving you on the bed.

“Go ahead so that I can knot you gorgeous,” he encouraged you. You reached down and set your fingertips on your clit, only managing to make two circles on it before you were coming. Your thighs spasmed and clutched around Taehyung’s waist, the rest of your body shaking on the bed from how forceful your orgasm was.

“T-Tae,” you whimpered, your body shivering even after the crest of your orgasm had passed. Taehyung leaned down, pressing soft kisses against your face that were in stark contrast to how he was still fucking you.

“So good for me baby,” he whispered. “Came so prettily for me.”

“Kiss me,” you pleaded weakly and he just smiled at you before pressing his lips against yours. The force coming from how hard he was thrusting into you caused your mouth to fall open and Taehyung didn’t hesitate to stick his tongue inside, exploring around.

You literally felt his cock pulse inside of you and before you could pull away in order to ask, ropes of his cum flooded into you. His knot inflated immediately afterwards, making you moan as it forced its’ way inside of you.

“Holy shit Y/N-ah,” he panted as he hid his face in your neck, collapsing on top of you. “I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard in my life.”

“Me either,” you admitted with a giggle. “I loved it though.”

“Me too,” he muttered as he pulled himself up so that he could look down at you. “I know this is probably a weird thing to ask given what we just got finished doing, but you accept the fact that you’re my mate right?”

“Tae, of course,” you smiled. “My Omega would hate me if I rejected you and you know our wolf side doesn’t lie.”

“I guess I just wanted to know if it was as strong for you as it was for me,” he mumbled and you placed your hands on his cheeks, making him look down at you.

“You’re my mate Kim Taehyung,” you told him. “I knew it and felt it the moment that you gave me your wrist and I smelled your scent.”

“I knew it too,” he smiled. “I’ll give you your bite in the morning, I’m just too tired right now.”

“No complaints from me,” you laughed. “Coming so hard can definitely take a lot out of a person.” Taehyung then laid his head down on your chest and you reached up, setting your hands in his hair as you began to play with the sweaty strands.

“I’m so glad that my Alpha chose you,” he muttered sleepily and you could feel the goofy smile spread onto your face before you leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

“Me too Tae,” you sighed in contentment. “Me too.”

#BAspringwillcome #bangtanarmynet #bts #bts taehyung #bts v #abo bts #taehyung x reader #v x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #v smut #v angst #v fluff #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts x reader

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the-almond-and-the-apple · 2 years ago

Text

you (caden's version)

hi, you.

I started this on September 1st, and it's updated day by day, like a diary.

Please read the whole thing lmao cause there's a lot of shit in here that is later explained and it won't reflect my current feelings unless u read until the end

Bold of you to assume I could sit and write (however many lines of poetry this is) in one sitting.

***

I guess I figured

That I'd end up being

That Guy™

Who writes shitty poems

Instead of saying what I really want to say

I just never figured they'd be about you

You. God, you.

You think you're so Unloveable

Told me that you believed it

That you'd been told it by the people

Who were supposed to bring you up

Not tear you down

And you told me that because that's what friends do

They share stories and cry about their shitty lives.

"I'll never be loved," you say, "I'm Unloveable."

And I know you believe it, misspelling and all.

But I don't

How could I believe it?

I'm sitting here writing poetry about you

For Gods sake

You're the poet out of the two of us

Not me

What am I doing?

"I'm good enough to be Likeable, but not Loveable." You say

You are so unbelievably wrong

Hell, you play music

On the weekends

For fun.

You wait for me after every class we have together

I can't help but smile when I see you

Leaning against the wall

Looking for me.

We text each other compliments

Constantly

Back and forth

But that's just something we do, right?

It doesn't mean anything.

That doesn't change the fact

That whenever i see your name with the words

"you're spectacular, I'm so proud of you!" attached to it

My heart skips a beat

You skipped a lecture on Wednesday

Just to come to snack time with me

Even though that lecture was a one time event

Even though you hate sugary foods

Even though it was out of your way

Even though you dislike crowds

You still went with me

You light up

When you talk about

What you learned in psych last period

You're so excited to share this random information with me

That you stumble over your words.

Yesterday, you told our lit teacher, randomly,

A concerning amount of knowledge

About the pressure points in our body

"Hear me out. I know what I'm talking about."

You could barely contain your laughter.

I spend an hour and a half texting you yesterday

All because you said you wanted to get a cat

We're co-parenting him, apparently.

You suggested we name him Martele

After the joke our orchestra teacher made

Now, every time I say his name, you grin

I caught you staring at me during orchestra today

You were trying to catch my eye to laugh at something our teacher said

How I hoped you were staring just to look at me.

"You're playing with your ring," you point out at lunch today, "what's making you nervous?"

I brush it off, laughing, and blame it on my anxiety disorder

How do I tell you that you're the one making me nervous?

How do I bring up the fact that you usually spin your pen when you're around me?

You smiled at me today

To show me the tooth that sticks out when you grin

"Look," you said through your teeth, "isn't this unfortunate?"

As long as you're smiling at me, nothing is unfortunate

Least of all you

You put your arm on my head today

As we were walking from lunch

"It's because I'm tall," you said, "I've got power over you."

You do have power over me

You just don't know it

And not because you're tall

"Am I reading this wrong?" I ask you on Friday night

"Is this platonic?"

And you say no, I'm not reading this wrong

You say you've liked me all along

And I call you an idiot, jokingly

Because apparently trauma dumping does count as flirting

At least with us

The compliments? They did mean something.

Skipping that lecture? You did that because you wanted to spend time with me.

Staring at me in orchestra? It was genuine.

Being all touchy feely with me? That too.

Laughing at everything I say? Yep.

Waiting for me after every class? That as well.

And then we get to talking:

"I get that we have a mutual fondness for each other, but

is this a relationship?" You ask

What a wonderful question

I tell you that I'm asexual

That I dislike physical contact

I should have mentioned that I'm on the aromantic spectrum too

But I didn't

Because I was worried it would scare you away

"That's okay," you write, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"We don't have to do any of that."

But physical touch is one of your love languages

Who am I to deprive you of that?

The more we talk, the more the pit in my stomach grows

We want different things from each other

Something that the other can't give

You could give me what I want, sure

A best friend

Someone I can spend time with outside of school with

Someone to walk to class with

Someone who makes me laugh

Someone to tease

Someone who loves me for who I am

And for who I'm not

And never will be

Because I'll never be that person

Someone who can run up to you and kiss you whenever I want

I won't want that, most likely

From anybody

I tried to imagine us cuddling on the couch

Watching the Disney movies you've never seen

(which is most of them)

And I feel like I might vomit

And I'm sitting at my computer, crying

Sobbing

Writing this

Because I care about you so fucking much

But in a different way than you care about me, I think

My stomach itches

I pull up my shirt

To reveal anxiety hives covering my torso

I haven't been eating as much as I should

My mouth is so dry that everything feels and tastes like cardboard

My stomach hurts too

Fuck.

I should ask you

"hey, what did you mean when you said the word relationship?"

"what does that mean for you?"

"this is what it means for me."

But I can't bring myself to ask.

Why? I don't know.

Maybe it's because I know I have to see you tomorrow

And you'll probably say something sappy

Call me perfect, one more time

And I'll cry

Again

Because of you

I'm crying now, sitting here, watching the rain

You're probably watching it too

Maybe you're playing your balloon guitar

(you still need to show me that, by the way)

Or looking for the murder of crows that lives by your house

I don't know why I'm writing this

Maybe it's because I hope you have a Tumblr,

And that you'll see this.

Maybe I just need to get my feelings out.

Maybe I'll end up sending this to you, if everything works out

God, I hope it works out.

I really really hope it does.

I'll never delete anything on this poem,

Never alter a stanza, never change a spelling

Because I want it to reflect the emotions I felt while writing it

Maybe not the best artistic decision, but hey

Who cares?

It's my art

Is it our art, because it's about you?

And I realize, now,

After I saw you today

I fucked up.

I fucked up, for real.

I was scared of being loved

Because I didn't think I deserved it

I didn't think I needed to be loved

I do need it.

"Literally nothing changed," you told me after orchestra today,

"We're still friends. I don't hate you."

But I can see the sadness on your face

Hear it in your voice

This is Tuesday, for future reference

The day after our roller coaster of a weekend

(you'll know what I mean)

I wish I could go back and change it

I regret what I said

I do

Truly

But the damage has been done, hasn't it?

I can't go back and alter the past

Can't unsay what I said

We'll stay friends, sure

That I'm not worried about.

But what if I don't want to stay your friend

And you don't want to stay mine?

We both want something more

(I think)

But we're either too shy or too stubborn to admit it

Homecoming is coming up in October

Maybe I'll ask you to that

If I have the guts

If I do, I'll probably send you this poem as well

Not as a declaration of my love (or whatever)

But as a sentiment:

"you make me feel so many things that they refuse to stay in my head, they demand to be written out."

I wrote poetry for you.

I hate poetry, but not when it's about you.

Or, if Homecoming doesn't work

Maybe I'll just ask you over for Halloween

You've never participated in it before

Why not start this year?

With me?

Even if none of this works out

Even if we stop talking completely

If I can make you laugh one more time

A real, genuine, laugh

I'll be okay, I think.

Maybe that is love

The fact that I'm writing poetry about you.

Not saying that we're going to get married

Or get together

Or whatever else that could be interpreted as

Maybe love is just saying hi in the hallways

Or teaching me how to flip your pen the way that you do

Or checking up on each other constantly

"u ok?" "how was ur day?" "got any memes?"

"say hi to the crows in ur yard for me."

What if you've changed your mind about me?

What if I sent one too many apologies

Or asked you one too many questions

I think that's why I don't say it

Because I'm afraid of the answer

So very afraid

I think I believe that I have to constantly be doing Things

To deserve love

Be it romantic or not

Hopefully I can get rid of that feeling soon

Because I want to be loved for who I am

Not for what I'm doing

If I do end up sending this to you:

Hi, you.

It's still Tuesday.

And I still regret not trying to hold your hand at lunch today

No matter how you would have seen it

Romantically or platonically

I wish I had

It would have been worth it just to see the look on your face

(I'm laughing about it now, you'd have looked so surprised)

You tried to steal my pencil from me

I don't know if you remember

It was the first time I made you laugh since what happened

It made my day

That sounds stupid, I know

But it did

It feels strange, writing this to you as opposed to it being for you

There's a difference, I guess.

The fact that I know you'll read this one day scares me

"oh shit, what if he realizes I'm not a robot devoid of emotions?"

That sort of thing.

How could I be devoid of emotions when you make me laugh the way that you do?

At lunch today when you said "the only By I am is By Myself."

What I should have said was "give me some time, I'm still figuring this out."

What I ended up doing was making some random joke

I regret that, too.

The look on your face would have been priceless.

Seeing the hope in your eyes would have been even better then hearing your laugh

If you do end up reading this,

You'll probably have all sorts of critiques

Complaints about how I broke up the stanzas

Or capitalization errors

(Am I supposed to capitalize every line?)

But secretly, you'll be pleased

That I don't only give you the time of day

But that I take time out of mine

To write about you

If I had to guess, knowing myself,

Considering nothing changes for the worse

I'll send this to you right after school

On the Friday before break

That's only 17 days away

17 days since we met, too

Funny how time works like that

You know what?

I think I might do just that

Considering nothing changes for the worse,

I'll ask you to Homecoming

And send you this

And hope I don't fuck this up

Again

"Is this a...Date?" You might ask, "are you asking me out?"

"you decide," I'll say, "consider it an olive branch."

"I'd like it to be one, but I'm also cool just going as friends."

"I can bring some of my other friends along so it won't be awkward, if you choose the latter."

"no pressure."

I think I owe you that choice

Maybe, if you say yes,

I'll wear some 5 inch heels

So I can be taller then you

Finally rest my arm on your head comfortably

I should ask you in person,

If I end up doing this at all

But I won't

We're both too awkward to handle whatever the answer may be

And if your answer is no,

I'll be okay.

Really.

I'll be disappointed, sure, but

Mostly, I'll feel guilt

Because I know what we could've had

And I'll know that I messed that up

And if your answer is yes, hell

I don't know what I'll do

I haven't allowed myself to hope

If I send

"hi. i fucked up. let me try to fix this?" with a link to this attached

What will you say?

If you decide to shun me, okay.

I hope you don't shun me, though

If only to get feedback on this poem

Because I know you'll be the only one to ever see it

You're the only one I've ever written poetry for, anyways

If you decide to say "maybe, lemme think," okay.

If you decide you just want to be my friend, okay.

if you say yes (!!!), okay.

Most likely, you'll be embarrassed that I'm writing this for you

Hopefully for a good reason

But, no matter what your answer is,

I hope you can tell me what you truly think about This Whole Thing

Because we're nothing if not good communicators

And I don't want that to change because I wrote this

Hell, I'm embarrassed too

I'M WRITING POETRY

P O E T R Y

ABOUT Y O U

I'M EXPRESSING THE DEPTH OF MY FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THAT ISN'T IN A JOKING MANNER

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING

Gotta love that for me

Please don't think that I have the ability to just hit send on this

When I do, I'll yeet my phone across the room and not check it for 72 hours

Out of pure embarrassment

Because this is, quite possibly, the most vulnerable and open thing I've ever done.

That's what poetry is, right?

Vulnerability on a page.

Or a website, in this case.

But I've already made myself a promise that you're going to see this

Sooner or later

So, I might as well go ahead and hit send

I didn't start writing this as a way to tell you I like you

It's turning out to be that, but that wasn't the original purpose

I just wrote it to get my feelings out.

I felt like I was too awkward to say it in person or over text

So here I am.

This isn't meant to be some sappy love poem

I beg you

I implore you

I plead with you not to see it as that.

It's a diary.

You just happen to be in it a lot.

I guess it functions as one, though

One that says:

"hey, I like this person and I hope he doesn't hate me for it."

"I hope things don't change too much."

It's just a shitty poem, that's all

I find it so much easier to express my feelings in writing

There's no chance for buffering that way

I guess that's partially why I wrote this

It's easier for me

I stutter too much when I'm around people I like

It's a wonder I didn't start writing earlier

Even though it's a shit piece of poetry, at least it's a start,

Right?

I'm a sappy person, apparently

Something I didn't know about myself before I met you

Maybe I'm even as sappy as you

Today is Wednesday

I realized that fact at precisely 2:16am

When I woke up from a dream

You were in it, of course

You've been on my mind a lot lately

It's no surprise that my subconscious picked up on that too

We were in Home Depot, I think

Buying potted ferns for whatever reason

There was a Starbucks inside it, too

Suddenly, you weren't by my side

(Foreshadowing? I hope not.)

I texted you:

"oi, ask me out already."

You responded immediately:

"MY LOVE,

THEY HAVE EMANCIPATED FRANCE."

I'm laughing about it now as I'm typing this

Because of course dream you would bring up this totally random information

That had zero relevance to what the conversation was

It's something I like about you both in real life and in dreams

I thought about telling you about my dream today

If only because of the rush of disappointment I felt when I realized

That you didn't actually say that to me

That we weren't actually together

I'm glad I didn't, though.

I don't think I would have been able to make you understand

Just why it meant so much to me

I hope that you know I still like you

That I still want This

I'm just a coward

Because if you Have something, then you can Lose it

And I don't think I could lose you

(Sappy me, blah blah blah. I know, shut up.)

(Blame it on the muse.)

It's easier to pretend I don't care

But I do

I should probably tell you that

But I won't

Not yet

Because you haven't texted me first in a couple of days

And I don't want to seem needy

Am I overthinking it?

Probably.

There's not much else I can do

Except do homework and write bad poetry

And hope that you'll text me soon

I'm realizing now that you don't know this

Because it's all in my head

So how could you know?

I've only said this to two people,

Only one of whom you've met

You sit next to them at lunch.

Maybe if they mention how I feel

Everything will go away

I'd rather it come from me, though,

Even if it is indirect

And even if it is through a poem

(Is that a rhyme?

Maybe I'm better at this than I thought.)

Should I send this to you now?

Right now?

At this very moment?

Walk in to the kitchen, grab my phone, and say:

"hey I lost a bet and now I have to send u this, enjoy."

Maybe that would be the better option

Because we did say we were going to figure it out

But what if this all comes too soon?

I don't mean to be pushy, really,

(no, really. I mean it.)

I just don't have any other way of putting this into words

How I feel

Both my admiration for you and my guilt about this past weekend

I'm not saying that I'm In Love™ with you

Please please please don't take it that way

I use that word extremely loosely and I use it quite a lot

I Love my parents,

My friends,

My dog,

My plants,

Big comfy sweaters,

My books,

Making people laugh,

Hiking,

My cousins,

The city of New York,

Waking up early to see the sunrise,

Traveling,

Archaeology,

Stargazing,

Music,

My cello,

You.

You get the picture.

I cringed writing that last stanza

Doesn't mean its not true

(It is)

I just wonder how you'll take it

Because, like I said before,

This isn't some gross sappy love poem

I'm not saying, "marry me."

I'm saying that I care about you

That's all this is.

And it's easier to say it like this

Instead of on the way to orchestra

Or to math

Where there's more of a chance of me getting it wrong

When there's more of a chance of you making me laugh so hard that I forget what I was saying

Where there's more of a chance of me stuttering and stumbling and buffering over my words

I hope you're just being awkward

I hope that's why you're acting different

I'd even take you believing I didn't like you back

As opposed to you losing feelings for me

Because this will be really, really, really awkward

If you've lost feelings at the same time I've finally come to terms with mine

And if you're reading this, cringing, thinking,

"Ohh, yeah, I never actually liked you," or

"This is super weird and I am Not Looking Forward to seeing you on Monday," or

"I just see you as a friend after what happened," or

"Writing poetry?? Cringe. We're in highschool, dipshit, this ain't a Disney movie,"

Or anything else that I'm afraid of you saying

Then I'm sorry.

I know I told you I don't understand social cues,

But you probably didn't know just how much I meant it.

I could be completely overstretching my bounds and I would have no idea.

Or you could find this cute, who knows.

Knowing me, with my luck, it'll probably be the former.

That would suck.

Happy Thursday, you.

I texted you late last night to clarify my feelings:

"Just because I have anxiety doesn't mean that I don't like you back. I do like you back. It just means that I have anxiety."

You were nice about it, of course

Reiterated the fact that you're okay with us staying friends

Maybe you were a bit too enthusiastic about us staying friends

Now that I think about it

Should I have seen that coming?

And just like that,

What little conversation we had today was strained

For the first time since I met you, I walked alone to math

You didn't sit with me at lunch today

Or walk with me from lunch to our next class

I feel better about This Whole Thing, though,

Because at least I was honest.

I told you how I felt, and now the ball is in your court.

There's no hard feelings, at least on my side.

I hope it's the same for you.

I won't mention This anymore, at least until you do

Because I've said my piece, right?

There's nothing else I can do, even if I wanted to.

I'm still your friend (if you'd like me to be),

I'll still walk with you from class to class (if you'd like me to)

I'll still talk to you in lit (if you'd like that)

I'd still let you play my cello (if you'd like to try)

I'd still like to see your balloon guitar,

To have you visit me at work,

To have you teach me how to spin your pen,

To smile and to laugh with you.

I'll still ask you over for Halloween

Along with a big group of my other friends

Because even though things have changed, I still care about you

You don't have to come, obviously, but sometimes,

It's the thought that counts.

The thought that says, "hey, come eat sugar and watch bad movies with us,"

The thought that says, "you're wanted,"

The thought that says, "you aren't alone,"

Unless you want to be alone, in that case,

Go for it.

I'm not going to be the person who shatters your personal space bubble.

I'd just like to be the person who opens mine to you.

As long as you know that I still care about you

That I still want you to love and be loved

That I still want you have the happiness that you deserve

I don't care what happens.

That sounds dramatic and kind of mean

But it isn't meant to be

Whatever happens with Us, I should have said

Whether we stay friends, go out, or somewhere in between

Even if we stop talking all together

As long as you know that I'd still give you the time of day if you asked,

As long as you know you can still walk up to me in the hallway,

As long as you know that there's still a place in my life for you

(Now, whether you want to take that place is up to you. It's there, though, and it's there to stay.)

I'm okay with it whatever happens

***

Happy Friday.

Is it appropriate to say that I miss you

When you're right here next to me?

When we have three classes together?

When we text each other every now and then?

When we have some of the same friends?

No matter if it's appropriate or not, I do miss you

I miss making you laugh

I miss you making me smile

I miss our late night conversations about nothing at all

(Again, a rhyme? Not bad.)

I miss when you'd crouch by my desk

Rest your elbow next to my water bottle

And ask me how my morning was

"Yeah?" You'd say, "Well, in psych..."

And you'd go on and on about it

(Not that I minded)

Sometimes, I'd catch you glancing up at me

Just to make sure I understood your joke

Or that I was enjoying the conversation

Every time our eyes would meet, you'd stop talking

For a split second

And pause to shake the hair out of your eyes

To see me better, maybe

Or maybe you were just self conscious

Sometimes, I'd glance backwards at you during class

Right after you went back to your desk

And I'd get to see you smile to yourself

About some joke I'd made the minute before

I realize that I could be idealizing this

I know it wasn't all flowers and daydreams and laughter and teasing

But it doesn't really matter, does it?

I had fun.

I think you did as well.

Doesn't change the fact that I still grin when you do

Doesn't change the fact that I wish we'd hang out more

I still see things that remind me of you

And wish we were close enough for me to show it to you

Without getting a one word response

I know the best solution to this is,

Simply enough:

Talk to you

I don't want to invade your personal space

If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine

I still text you first, though

Still smile at you in class

I hope that says, "Hi. You can talk to me if you want. I want to talk to you."

But I'll let you approach me first

Because I've already texted you about This

Now it's your turn

I'd like to think that you're just scared to bring it up

Not that you don't care about me anymore

That very well could be wishful thinking

(I did say like to think, didn't I?)

Knowing me, though

With my everlasting optimism

I'll assume the best until proven otherwise

I'll just assume you're being awkward

Or shy

Or anxious

Even if the signs are there that you're done

Done with me

***

It's Saturday, this time

And I have a thought

That thought is this:

I'd rather have you hate me than feel nothing towards me

Because the opposite of love isn't hate

It's apathy

Hate means that I'm still in your mind

But apathy?

You'd never think of me again

***

Sunday.

I've done this before, actually.

Being friends with a guy,

then the Talking Phase.

When we inevitably grew apart,

It didn't bother me

Because I didn't know what I was losing

I didn't realize that I was flirting with him

And he back at me

I just thought that was what friends did

I figured it was normal

So when we got our schedules

And I moved up a level in orchestra

Without him

Leaving him behind

And we realized that was it

I grinned at him, made a joke, and moved on

It was easy for me to let him go

Because I didn't realize the importance of what I had

But with you?

***

You walked me to orchestra today, Monday

And then walked me to math

You sat next to me at lunch today

And walked me to chemistry afterwards

That's all I have to write for today, really.

You spent time with me, it made me happy.

Hopefully it made you happy too.

I got to make you laugh for the first time in a while.

Don't have much else to say.

***

It's Tuesday.

Theoretically.

Nothing much changed.

I've got nothing to write.

I should be doing homework.

***

Thursday.

I just read this in it's entirety for the first time since writing it.

Yikes.

I am one sappy, dramatic motherfucker, aren't I?

Not saying that what I wrote isn't true

(It is)

But goddamn if I can't crank out some damn good poetry when the need arises

No, I mean it.

I think this this might be the best piece of writing I've ever created.

Blame it on the muse.

I'm over this whole Thing, really.

I'm done being sad and writing poetry and crying about It

I'm tired of being so upset over something I can't contol

Notice how I didn't say I was over you?

Cause I'm not.

I still feel all that guilt I mentioned,

I still miss you,

I still want to make you laugh,

yadda yadda.

Sappy shit.

I'm not upset about it anymore, which is good.

I've come to accept the fact that we aren't going to go out

Unless you have a plan to hand me a small creature of questionable cuteness and use that to ask me to homecoming

(I'd say yes)

We're friends.

I'm genuinely happy with that.

Are you?

I don't want to you to alter how you feel about me just because of this extremely long and wordy poem

Yes, I'd accept if you asked me to homecoming

No, I'm not planning on asking you (at least at the time of writing this.)

No, that doesn't mean I've lost feelings for you

Yes, that means I'm happy where We Are and I don't feel the need to change This

Yes, I still want to be your friend.

Yes, I am nothing if not confusing.

***

Friday.

A week before I'm supposed to send this to you.

And I've had yet another thought:

(Surprising, right?)

It isn't my responsibility to maintain relationships.

That isn't a dig at you, or at anybody

It's just something I realized.

I'm not a focal point in other peoples lives, however much I would like to be

And because of that, I don't have to go out of my way to keep them in my life

If they don't want to be close to me, I don't have to go chasing after them

I'm not required to jump through hoops just to stay friends with somebody

It's late, past midnight

(Goodnight, by the way. I didn't text you to say goodnight for once.)

And I don't know how I'll see this when I wake up the morning

If I'll wake up and worry about whether or not you'll be offended by this

It isn't a dig

Honestly

Just one of the points

On this journey called September

That I deemed important enough to write down

And to share with you, apparently

To show you I'm growing,

Thank you for that, by the way

One of the many positives of having people tell you that you're perfect

Is that, eventually, you start to believe it

I don't believe I'm perfect, of course

I'm not

I'm too much of a coward and too annoying and far too selfish to be perfect

But I do feel a lot better about myself

And I attribute that partially to you

***

Saturday.

I really am selfish, aren't I?

Thinking that I matter enough to people

For them to text me first

Or to hang out outside of school

Because nobody ever does

And that would be fine,

If I had enough self awareness to realize that people don't actually want to be around me

But here I am, ever the optimist

And I keep going after people who don't want me back

Not even with romance, I feel this way about friendships too

I've realized I've done that with you

Because if you wanted to talk to me, you would

Wanted to hang out, you'd ask

If you wanted to be around me, you'd make an effort to be

And I'm sorry it took me this long to realize it

Now, that isn't to say I don't want to be around people

I do.

But, like I wrote yesterday,

Friendships are two way streets.

If my car is ready to go and your motorcycle is firmly parked, that's fine

I just wish I had realized it earlier

That's a weird analogy, but you know what I mean.

Hopefully.

It doesn't matter how strong my desire is to have a particular relationship with someone,

Because if they think I'm annoying

Or clingy

Or weird

Or not smart enough

Or that my voice is too high

Or that I've got too much of a baby face

Or I that have too many weird hobbies

(or not enough of them)

Or that I'm too quiet

I can't force people to care about me.

So I just...exist.

On the edges of friend groups

Hoping that maybe I'll be able to make somebody laugh

Or maybe I'll bring someone a mint, as a show of kindness

Grab a ruler bookmark off a table for them

(I grabbed one for you because you mentioned you wanted one. It's in my folder if you still want it.)

Or print out some sheet music I know they'd like

Bring a deck of cards to lunch to make people feel less alone

I do all of those things, and I genuinely enjoy it

Seeing people smile is the highlight of my day

Knowing I made them laugh is even better

I just figured I would've found somebody who'd bring me a mint

Or go out of their way to make me smile

Or send me a picture of something I like, just because

Hell, I'd even settle for a, "this remined me of you." text

Because if somebody sent me that, it'd mean I was in their thoughts

Again, this isn't a dig at you

Or at anybody

I'm just ranting

There's a kind of comfort in being sad, isn't there?

You brought that up a while back

Said you believed the worst because you could only be pleasantly surprised

I see the appeal of that mindset now

Maybe it's the undiagnosed Whatever that I have,

But I don't see how people can care about each other

Without actually showing it

I care about you,

So I show it.

I text you memes,

Make jokes,

Walk you to class,

And write you poetry.

It's as simple as that.

I actually enjoy writing poetry when it's about something l like

Who knew that someone would be you?

18 notes · View notes

ericspinkhair · 4 years ago

Text

dirty thoughts from a distance

pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!

synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name

word count: 3.8k

warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig

a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!

this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️

masterlist + requests

for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.

the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.

when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.

in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.

for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.

you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.

when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.

you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.

all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.

he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.

it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.

'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.

the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.

'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.

'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.

'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.

'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.

when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.

you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.

'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.

you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.

'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.

this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.

'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.

'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.

chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?

'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.

'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.

chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.

'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.

so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.

after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?

he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.

'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'

'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.

'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.

'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?

the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.

'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.

your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.

when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.

desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.

you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.

eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.

you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.

'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?

'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.

to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.

'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.

'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.

'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'

'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?

he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.

'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'

'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.

he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.

'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.

you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.

while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.

after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.

without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.

he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.

'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.

you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.

not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.

he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.

'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.

'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?

but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.

you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.

'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'

he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.

'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.

when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.

at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.

'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.

he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.

'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.

you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.

when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.

changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.

'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.

'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.

driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.

changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.

'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.

'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.

'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.

'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.

'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.

'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.

'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.

#ji changmin smut #ji changmin scenario #the boyz q smut #the boyz q scenario #the boyz changmin smut #the boyz changmin scenario #the boyz ji changmin smut #the boyz ji changmin scenario #the boyz smut #the boyz scenario #the boyz #ji changmin #the boyz changmin #the boyz q #kpop smut #kpop scenario #kpop #smut

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 3 years ago

Text

You Are In Love (M.YG)

Warnings : mentions of cheating

Word Count : 2149

Synopsis : while laying in bed, she realizes she’s in love with min yoongi

When my eyes opened, I was met with my boyfriend’s sleeping face, and a smile spread across mine. His arm was lazily draped across my body, unlike the tight hold he had on me when we had fallen asleep the previous night. Watching him sleep peacefully like this, I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I am to call him mine. “What are you looking at?” He grumbled in his morning voice, his eyes slowly opening to meet mine.

“The most handsome man in the world.” I whispered, leaning up to kiss his nose. He scrunched his face before pouting, saying I missed the obvious target and pulling me in for a sweet kiss. When we pulled away and I met his eyes again, his hand moving to brush some hair out of my face, I was hit with the sudden realization that I was in love with him. I knew I was falling; I’d been falling for him since we started dating. But being with him like this feels so domestic, and I want to wake up to his face every day for the rest of my life.

“Coffee for the pretty lady.” Yoongi smiled as he sat across from me, placing both our drinks on the table between us. I thanked him and reiterated that he didn’t have to pay for me. “Let me be a gentleman.” He pouted and I giggled, completely giving into him.

I was so nervous, playing with my hands in my lap as we talked and got to know each other better. But as the date went on, I found myself laughing more and becoming more comfortable with him. After we finished our coffees, we decided to take a walk around and enjoy the nice weather. At one point, he had slipped his hand into mine, smiling down at me when I looked over to him. “I like holding hands.” He said simply, his gummy smile on full display.

“Me too.” I tightened my grip on his hand, and we continued walking around like that, telling each other stories of our lives, and just enjoying each other’s company.

I met Yoongi through a mutual friend, Jung Hoseok, and there was a connection almost immediately. He was a bit distant at first, and I later found out through Hoseok, and then Yoongi, that it was because he found me pretty and got nervous around me. It took him almost three months to ask me on our first date, and then another month to make us official.

“For you.” He said with a nervous smile as he handed me the plush he had won at the game at the fair. A blush rose to my cheeks and I accepted it, thanking him. “Those games are rigged, but I really wanted to win you something.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck as we slowly walked by all the concessions.

“You’re cute.” I told him, causing him to stop walking. I stopped a couple steps ahead of him, and turned to face him, a look of confusion on my face. He just stared at me in silence, a small smile dancing across his lips that slowly grew into his wide, gummy smile that I adored.

“You think so?” He chuckled, taking the two steps towards me, and slipping his hand into mine as we continued walking.

“I know so.” I countered as I started swinging our arms back and forth, looking around at all the lights that seemed to brighten the darkening day. We made our way to the ferris wheel, completing our fair date night with a cliché. I looked out at all the lights, and watched as couples wandered around hand in hand, much like Yoongi and I.

“Can I kiss you?” His question caught me off guard, and I looked at him with widened eyes, before giggling at his question.

“You’ve kissed me before; you don’t need to ask.” I told him, and he wasted no time; cupping my face and crashing his lips to mine as if he would die otherwise.

“Just let me be a gentleman.” He said softly after he pulled away, his hands still cupping my face as he rested his forehead against mine. The ride quickly came to an end, and we decided to call it a night.

We held hands as he drove me home, his thumb running over my knuckles subconsciously. The ride was silent save for the soft music playing from the radio, but the silence was comfortable. When we made it to my apartment, he walked me to the door like he always does, but he seemed really nervous this time. I thanked him for a fun night and gave him a quick kiss goodnight. “Y/N.” He called before I could open the door, and I turned to face him. “Be my girlfriend.” He spit out quickly and my eyes widened. “I mean, uh, would you want to be my girlfriend?” He started kicking his feet and rubbing the back of his neck, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I’d love to, Yoongs.” I walked towards him, lazily wrapping my arms around his neck, and bringing him in for a sweet kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch with Hoseok?” He asked and I nodded, asking him if he could pick me up. “It would be my pleasure.” He kissed me one more time before heading home.

Hoseok wasn’t surprised when we told him we were dating, having to deal with our pining for months. He would act as if he hated being the third wheel but was actually really happy we both were happy. He’s taken so many photos of us it’s almost like he’s our own personal photographer.

“God you two are disgustingly cute.” Hoseok rolled his eyes as he walked into Yoongi’s kitchen, Yoongi behind me with his arms wrapped around me as we cooked together. Neither one of us moved from our position, and Hoseok snapped a couple pictures. He definitely wasn’t complaining when he dug into the food and ate most of it, going on about how delicious it was.

“It was made with love.” Yoongi smiled, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

“Wow I cannot wait until you two are out of the honeymoon phase.” He quipped, but I could see the small smile on his face as he watched his two best friends fall in love.

Before meeting Yoongi, I believed I wasn’t meant to find love. Everyone I liked and dated seemed to treat me like shit; toss me aside for something better. I was scared Yoongi would do it as well, but he’s proven over and over again that he’s in this for the long run. And as I lay here in bed, staring into his eyes, realizing that he’s the love of my life, I can picture him at the end of the aisle, smiling as I walk towards him.

“Y/N! What a small world.” Mark exclaimed, pulling me in for an awkward hug. “This is Jennie, my fiancée.” I looked down at her ring finger, seeing a beautiful diamond ring adorning it. “This is Y/N, my ex. She’s chill people though.” He said to Jennie. I smiled at her, extending my hand for her to shake. She did so with little hesitation. Yoongi slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he looked at the couple in front of us.

“This is Yoongi, my boyfriend.” I told Mark, smiling up at Yoongi who was already looking at me with a smile. “This is Mark.” The two of them shook hands, and the four of us stood around for a couple of minutes before I excused us so we could go greet the man of the hour. “I forgot he and Jackson were friends.” I told Yoongi, trying to calm my pounding heart.

“Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Yoongi immediately led me to the closest chair, sitting me down and kneeling in front of me. He placed his hand on my forehead, checking my temperature while looking at me with concern in his eyes. I grabbed his hand from my forehead, holding it in my hand as I told him I was okay.

“Mark’s the guy I told you about. The one who doesn’t do marriage. The one who was cheating on me; with Jennie.” He cupped my face with his hands, wiping away the tears I didn’t know fell.

“Well honestly, that’s his loss. You are the most beautiful, kind-hearted person I’ve ever met. And because he was an idiot, I get to show you what true love looks like.” He ended his small speech with a small kiss. “Now, what do you say we go wish Jackson a happy birthday and then sneak away and go see that movie you wanted to see?” I smiled and nodded, taking his hand as we both stood up and made our way to Jackson.

Yoongi was right. We just celebrated our 6 months last night, and I’ve felt more loved during these last 6 months than I did the 2 years I was with Mark. Yoongi always reminds me how much he cares about me, how beautiful he finds me. Not a day goes by without him reminding me. I was so sure I was going to marry Mark, but in this moment, I know that was just a silly dream, a wish. But marrying Yoongi, I can picture it. I want to spend the rest of my life showing Yoongi all the love he’s shown me, and then some.

Come outside. His text read, and I didn’t even think twice about throwing on some clothes and meeting him outside. The sun had long set, and the stars littered the sky. There was only a small breeze ruining an otherwise perfect night.

Yoongi was standing beside his car when I got outside, a wide smile spreading across his face when he saw me. I practically jumped into his arms, giving him a quick kiss. “You make it seem like you haven’t seen me in ages.” He joked; his arms still wrapped around me.

“I haven’t seen you in 2 days. That is forever!” I jokingly exclaimed, throwing my head back to further make my point. A chuckle escaped his lips, and I absolutely loved the sound. I have since the first time I heard it. I could listen to it on repeat all day and not get bored.

“You know what, you’re absolutely right. 2 days is far too long without you, angel.” He leaned in for another kiss, one I happily returned. “Shall we go?” He asked, pointing to his car, and I nodded, even though I had no idea what he had planned. I trusted him.

He had driven us to an open field and laid a blanket down. “I wanted to star gaze with you.” He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You really are too cute, Min Yoongi.” We laid beside each other, and I listened as he pointed out different constellations to me. He would tell me the stories about them, and I would hang onto every word.

“And that one right there, that’s Y/N Y/L/N.” My eyes widened as I looked at him, sitting up quickly. He sat up too, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket, unfolding it, and showing it to me. “As of today, there is a star named after you. Because you are my star.”

“You really just went and named a star after me.” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “Just take my whole heart, Min Yoongi. I don’t even want it back.” He chuckled, wiping away the tears that fell.

“If I could buy you the entire world, I would.” He told me. And I know he would.

“You are my world, Yoongs.” I admitted to him. And that’s when he pulled me in for the most passionate kiss I’ve ever felt. And it didn’t end there. It ended later that night, in my bed, soft moans in the air as we slept together for the first time.

As I laid beside him, recounting all my memories with him, I realized I’d been in love with him the entire time. For me, there wasn’t going to be anyone else. Min Yoongi was it for me. “What are you thinking so hard about, love?” He said softly, a small smile on his face.

“How absolutely, irrevocably in love I am with you, Min Yoongi.” I admitted and watched as his small smile grew. “I’ve always been in love with you.” I continued.

“I am so in love with you, Y/N Y/L/N.” He chuckled. “And I’m going to show you that every day for as long as you’ll have me.”

“I was thinking forever.”

“Forever sounds good.” Forever sounds perfect.

#bts imagine #bts au #min yoongi imagine #min yoongi au #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #kim seokjin

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alixdelcourt · 4 years ago

Text

Maybe other ones opinions matter more to you than ours

Pairing Katsuki Bakugou x female reader x Eijirou Kirishima

Genre : angst to fluff and comfort at the end.

WC and warnings : 1.5 k / Polyrelationship, Angst, feeling down, abandon, injury, mention of hospital and sedative. Please be careful reading this, and skip it if you're insecure or sensitive, you'll just get hurt. Please be careful.

Note : Hey everyone, I am back ! I am sorry, I wasn't on hiatus so I didn't warned you, I was just sick and trying to recover. And now that I am totally healed, I promise that I'll catch all your requests up quickly ! Today's work is @d3nk1x's request. I am sorry it took my like forever to achieve it, really sorry. I hope that you’ll like it, please let me know, and feel free to ask anything else. I kinda like your requests :)

Requests are still open, and since my college year is over, I am totally free to write whenever I want. And I am bored a bit, so please send many requests if you want, I will be happy to oblige !

The heart has its reasons which Reason knows nothing of… What was sure is that you loved them, from the bottom of your heart. But it wasn’t enough for you to be completely at ease with the relationship that you, Eijirou and Katsuki are entertaining. Well, such relations aren’t usual and you prefer to keep it for you. What would it be if people, even your friends, discover this part of your intimacy and feel free to criticize, or worse to judge you and to deprecate it… Would your ‘couple’ survive all of this ? You prefer not to take the risk. A happy life is a discreet one.

But, your significant others are not on the same page. Like, for the boys, you’re all adults and old enough to make your own choices. You chose them, you brought them together, so why couldn’t you assume this decision ? Why three people in love would be so odd ? This subject was the only point of contention for you, that comes up more and more often. Like tonight.

The three of you were in Katsuki’s room, for the usual nightly cuddles. To have some affection before going to sleep, each one in his own dorm room. For the other students not to notice, Eijirou is the first to leave, and after a couple of minutes, you follow him. But tonight, the guys made a big deal out of it. You argue, explaining again for like the thousandth time your position.

“I just… I just don’t feel comfortable with people knowing that I am in love with two guys. Maybe it’s okay for you to share the same girlfriend, but this isn’t was girls do.”

“And who cares about other girls ? They just don't know what they are missing !”

Eijirou winked at you, trying to make you laugh and give it all up as a joke, but you weren’t laughing. He sighed, and let your mutual boyfriend try. And he did. Like Katsuki really tried. He took your hand, and made you look at his crimson stare.

“Please, Y/n. Let us love you in full view of everyone. I am tired, we’re both tired of paying attention to our reactions around you. We just want to give you all the attention you deserve and the love you generate at any time, not bottling it up or botch it between two training sessions. I don’t want to hide anymore, because this means we’re doing something wrong. And we’re not. So please.”

He’s meaning what he’s saying, and you know it. Katsuki Bakugou ain’t one to beg, for anything. But even if this was the sweetest and the most romantic thing he has ever told you, you can’t overcome your fear. Which deeply hurt the boys in front of you. The ash blond haired released your hand.

“Maybe other ones opinions matter more to you than ours”

Usually, when he’s this rude, Eijirou stands up for you, but today he’s way too hurt and he agrees with Katsuki. Too many words jostle on your tongue, but none were sufficient for you to express how you’re feeling. With obvious teary eyes, you stand up and leave quickly before bursting in cries. You try to convince yourself that you’re feeling this way because they’ve been harsh on you, pressuring you like this, but you can’t fool yourself. Nothing hurts like the truth.

But you made it. You managed to sleep, and in the morning, you decide that you’re moving forward and as usual, leave the situation as it is. But you quickly notice that it’s not the case for Eijirou and Katsuki. When you went for breakfast, they were already done and heading to their own classes. Usually, you have your have your meals together and they accompany you before going about their business. Usually, Katsuki cooks in the morning, and you make the boys tea. Usually, Eijirou takes all of the bags on his shoulders because it’s manlier and ‘every little training helps’. But today was nothing like usual. You tried to avoid your paranoia during the whole morning, but you couldn’t anymore at lunch. They literally rejected you. In front of everyone. Maybe you finally ruined everything by yourself.

When you arrived to the cafeteria, you decided to wait for them before realizing that they weren’t late, but they didn’t wait for you. They were already eating with some classmates. Sero noticed you, lining up alone for your lunch and staring, with a troubled expression on your face.

“Why isn’t Y/n with you today ? The three of you are always together… Something happened ?”

“She decided that our company is no satisfying enough for her. We would not want to force her.”

You weren’t that far from them, and Eijirou’s hard words were sharp and loud enough to reach your ears. He said it that loud on purpose.

“I thought that you and her had a thing… Aren’t the two dating or something like this ?”

Katsuki growled at Denki’s curiosity.

“None of your business, you dumbass”

“I was asking Eijirou ! Of course, no one would date your rude ass”

“He’s right, Denki. Our love life is none of your business”.

No one could possibly ask anything after this, even if they took each other’s hand. They ain’t persons to take criticism. They just proved you that you can’t cut off people’s curiosity. You’re just not strong enough. So you ate alone, and reached the afternoon training late, sorrowed and unmotivated.

Since your two regular partners for training were sulking you, you paired up with Midoriya, who needed help for his frontal attacks. You were strong enough to repulse him sometimes, by putting all your frustration into your fight, and you were agile enough to avoid him when he was too strong. It wasn’t like your usual trainings, but it was instructive in that you were learning new things. And suddenly, just when your sadness has eased a little thanks to work, everything went so fast that you couldn’t understand. First, your eyes caught a familiar vision. Second, your turned your head to see that Katsuki was proudly and fiercely kissing a blushing Eijirou, that wasn’t ashamed to kiss him back. Third, your eyes went wide open, and your mouth in awe.

“… - SMASH !”

Fourth, everything faded away.

Before you open your eyes, you can tell that you’re in a hospital. The smell of disinfectant and the beeping of machines weren’t misleading. And when you opened your eyes, The memories came along with the severe pain. You remember… Izuku, Eijirou, Katsuki… Recovery girl… The hero trainer… The ambulance… The injury, the pain and the cries… The sedative… And then nothing. You got injured during the training, you weren’t paying attention and you received Izuku’s attack you were supposed to block or avoid with full force. If you were a villain, he would have neutralized you, which was the purpose of the training. He isn’t the one to blame, nor are the two who caught your attention. From the very beginning, you were the only culprit. And just when you were thinking of them, you heard Katsuki’s voice grunt behind the curtain that was surrounding your convalescence bed.

“We have to see her ! Oi listen you-”

“We’re in a hospital, quieter !”

“Please, doctor, let us see her. We are so worry, and we need to be by her side when she’ll wake up”

Eijirou’s pleading voice was trying to convince the relentless doctor.

“You’re not her family, I can’t allow you to do so. I am sorry, rules are rules.”

Someone, maybe Sero, intervened.

“C’mon, boys, there’s nothing to do but wait…”

However, they didn’t give up. Kirishima begging and Bakugou threatening almost made you cry. You struggled a bit, but managed to talk with a husky voice.

“Please let them in. They are my boyfriends. Please…”

The curtain was withdrawn in a hurry, and in a split second, the blond and the redhead were by your side.

“Y/N ! How are you feeling ! Is everything okay or are you-

“Don’t ever scare me like this again ! I might lose my mind if you ever-

They won’t let you get a word in edgeways, checking on you and their concerned eyes scanning you. You started crying.

“I am so sorry… I am so sorry that I was stupid enough to hurt you instead of overcoming my fear ! I don’t deserve you, I-”

Eijirou hushed to you, while carefully wrapping his arms around you.

“Shhhh… It’s okay now, sweetheart. We won’t talk about this now, and not anymore. Nothing is more important than seeing you happy and smiling…”

“Besides, all those who were waiting heard you… I am sorry…”

“What a plot twist ! Seriously, don’t be… I am not afraid anymore. Today was horrible, and I got more hurt by the truth then Izuku’s hit. I am not letting anything between us again. I love you, and nothing will stop me from doing so”

Katsuki took your hand in his, squeezing it against his heart and peppering it with kisses. Words aren’t for him, so he lets you know his gratitude in other ways. With a kiss on your forehead, Eijirou concludes.

“If it took you approaching death to realize it, you're more of a dumbass that he calls you so”

__________________________________________

Here is ! Please let me know if you liked it or not, and if you did like it, feel free to share so other people could enjoy it as well :)

@d3nk1x @i-heart-fictional-boys @skywalkerstyles (from which I drew inspiration for the polyrelationship, I totally love your work) @katsukichu @kirislilrock

Maybe I’ll try a real taglist… I just need to figure out how does it work…

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adult-kinda · 3 years ago

Text

꧁🌺Mariposa🌺꧂

Even though there was a lot going on in his world, Niki never forgot about you. Typically he didn't mind the distance, but his birthdays hit different without you and not in a good way. You couldn't properly celebrate in person because of his trainee days, but he thought surely now you could.

"Sorry Riki, this year just isn't going to work again. My family won't let me go by myself." You said sympathetically.

Niki sighed but tried not to let it get to him. "That's okay! We can just do our usual video call, yeah? With warm strawberries like we usually do!"

You chuckled at his optimism. Niki never tried to let the distance impact you. He created little traditions for each holiday so it felt more and more fun and normal. Anytime he felt the distance bothering him he made sure to communicate with you so there was no guessing with him.

Yes, for a young couple you both had a very mature relationship model.

"Of course we will! Besides me, is there anything else you want for your birthday?" You asked.

Niki hummed in thought before nodding.

"A proper gaming laptop is like the dream! Razor has really good ones, especially in with the accessories like the headsets!"

You watched lovingly as your boy went on and on about his love for video games. As he did you smiled knowing something he didn't.

The truth you chose to leave out was regarding your location. Your family had just relocated to Busan. This wasn't super close to Niki, but a 2:30 hour train trip was better than a 14 hour flight. Your dad's job allowed him to move to Korea and from there everything aligned.

Your family and friends knew about Niki. He met them a few times over Skype and everyone who met him liked him.

Niki, on the other hand, did not share you with everyone. He didn't really introduce you to his hyungs yet. You only knew his manager, and now Jungwon for this plan.

"Riki I really don't think Razor is that much better than my MacBook!" You argued playfully.

His eyes widened comically.

"What are you even saying? You can't put it on the same level! Razor makes gaming laptops! Apple makes... A lot of money."

You laughed with the boy before you heard a shout.

"Coming hyung!" He responded.

"You gotta go?" You asked."

Niki nodded with a sigh. "Yeah, but I'll call you later!"

You nodded with a smile. "Sounds good! Make sure to tell Sunghoon happy birthday for me, yeah?"

"Will do. I love you!"

You waved at the boy through the screen. "Love you too!"

You blew him a kiss as he did his signature "cut" sign off. When he hung up you looked around the guest room. Your family was coming during the Chinese New Year but you wanted to arrive for Niki's birthday.

"Y/N sweetie are you unpacked?" Your aunt asked.

You nodded and grabbed your phone before heading out to the kitchen. Your aunt had prepared lunch for you before you would head off to Yongsan.

"Are you excited to meet your boyfriend for the first time?" She asked.

"I am! He has no idea that I'm here, actually almost no one.knows I'm here! Just his manager and staff and the group leader."

Your aunt was so happy for you. She had a long distance relationship in high school and sympathized with you.

"Well I'm glad you're happy! Do you have an overnight bag? And make sure to pack some snacks for the train! You should find Yuri on the same trip so there will be no issues-"

"Auntie," you interrupted. "I'll be fine! I'll be sure to find Yuri and get my snacks!"

𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲

"What's the boy's name again?" Yuri asked.

"Nishimura Riki!"

She chuckled and scrolled through her phone.

"How'd you meet?"

You smiled at the memory. "I happened to be on the same dance team as his sister. She encouraged me to talk to him and the rest is history."

Yuri glanced at you and shook her head playfully.

"So that's how young people are falling in love these days, huh? Mutual friends and their siblings?" She asked rhetorically.

You shrugged and ate a pretzel.

"I guess so. He treats me well and always sends me presents."

Yuri gave you a side hug. "Well if you're happy and he's happy then that's all that matters!"

"I got some pretty good presents this year, especially from Engene!" Niki said into the camera.

He was filming his birthday vlive and things were going smoothly. Niki was being his usual self on camera but part of him also couldn't wait to talk with his girlfriend.

"What did I get? Let's see... Sunoo was the first to wish me happy birthday. He got me a new FIFA game for the new console. Jake and Jay are gonna buy me food and that's about it!"

As he was decorating his cake Sunghoon called him.

"It's Sunghoon-hyung. Hello?"

"Niki!"

"Oh hyung!"

"Don't hyung me! I got you a present."

Niki put the phone on speaker as he laughed.

"Oh did you?"

"Yah! I gave you a photo card with my handsome face and video games!"

Niki laughed at Sunghoon's words. He didn't lie, Niki got the present earlier before arriving at the company.

"Oh hyung."

"Don't say such things in front of Engenes! They're gonna think that I don't love you!"

"But you don't!" Niki argued playfully.

Sunghoon sighed over the phone.

"Okay, come home quickly!"

The two boys laughed and brought their conversation to a close.

"Hyung, would you like to say anything to Engenes? You're on speaker." Niki asked.

Sunghoon hummed over the line. "Engene, thank you for all the birthday wishes! I love yo-"

Niki ended the call and laughed mischievously. The fans expected the fun behavior from the youngest member.

"Okay where were we?"

He went back to decorating the cake and reading off comments.

"Niki what's a present you want this year?" He read.

𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲

He sighed and added a strawberry jelly to the cake.

"I have a super close friend that I want to see. A lot of my friends and family called me today so I am very grateful! Friend, if you're watching I miss you and hope you will stream our comeback well!"

The staff chuckled fondly at the boy. What he didn't know was that you were already there.

Thank you, Jungwon!" You said in the car.

The manager was driving you both to the dorm. The rest of the boys would go home with Niki so it would be a perfect surprise.

"No problem! I just can't believe it..." He said glancing at you in the back seat.

"What?"

"That you're real! There's a joke that you are just made up so Niki can impress us or something. But you exist! You're real!" He gawked.

You chuckled. That sounded like something the boys would do.

"Well thank you for trusting me with Niki and for taking care of him!" You said.

Jungwon was about to respond before the manager cut in.

"We're here. You're gonna need your ID to get in." He announced.

You got out the SUV and tried to stay as discreet as possible. You had your hair tied up, a face mask, sunglasses, and wore all black. Yes, it was all protocol. You walked concealed by body guards and the manager, it was all so new to you. All this just to get into a building? Then again this was Enhypen so you couldn't be too cautious.

Once you made it inside you showed your ID and got checked in. You followed Jungwon and the manager to the actual dorm where they lived.

"So this is it! Niki usually rooms with Sunoo these days but he and Heeseung switched so you two could be together. How long did you say you were staying?" Jungwon inquired.

"Just two nights. But I love in Busan so it's only a two hour train ride here, I don't mind it."

The leader nodded and pointed in one direction.

"Over there's the kitchen, feel free to make yourself at home. Niki says you're a good cook so..."

You chuckled and set your shoes next to the others.

"I don't mind making a meal for you guys! How long do we have until they get here?"

Jungwon checked his phone and gasped.

"About 15 minutes! I'll hide in my room, you do what you planned!" He instructed.

You nodded with a smile.

"Thank you, Jungwon!"

He gave you a thumbs up before going into his room.

You went into Heeseung's room and put your things away. Afterwards you joined the manager on the couch.

"Thank you for helping me surprise him." You said tiredly.

He nodded. "Riki is always talking about you. I'm glad you make him happy, especially at his young age. Being a professional idol at 16 is not easy but you bring him some form of normalcy."

You smiled and exhaled. Knowing the impact you had on Niki made you feel accomplished.

"Well, I'm gonna make some tea. Do you mind if I use the kettle?"

The manager shook his head and closed his eyes. After dealing with these boys for most of the day he was tired, and rightfully so.

You filled the electric kettle and brought out ginger tea from the cupboard. Just as you were preparing your mug the front door opened. You willed yourself to calm down and act normal.

"You're still bad a video games but it's okay!" You heard Niki tease.

"Yah! You always bring that up!" Sunoo complained.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠

Niki came in the kitchen and grabbed a water out the refrigerator.

"Hi Riki." You said casually without looking at the boy.

"Hey Y/N." He answered.

He acted like it was normal until he paused. He realized the situation and turned to you fully.

"Y/N?" He gasped.

The five boys looked at you with jaws dropped. Yes, you existed in real life.

"Hi Riki!" You said now looking at the boy.

Both of your eyes filled with tears as you took each other in.

"You- no! No this isn't real! Y/N's family said she couldn't travel here alone!"

You chuckled. "Y/N's family is moving to Busan next month but she got here early to surprise her boyfriend!" You explained.

Niki brought you in for a strong hug. He held you like you would let go. You felt his tears on your shoulder and your's on his.

"I love you so much!" He whispered.

You sniffled and held him tighter if possible. "I love you too!"

"And I wanna know what the hell is going on!" Jay interrupted.

Niki pulled away from you slightly and chuckled.

"Um... Guys, this is Y/N. The girl I've been talking about for the past year." He introduced.

You smiled shyly and waved. "Hi! I know all your names and everything so no need for introductions."

The boys took a moment before laughing.

"Niki we owe you! We really thought you were just saying that but she's real! She exists!" Jake said in disbelief.

Riki laughed at his older members and turned back to you.

"But how?"

You motioned to the sleeping manager.

"I told your manager, staff, and Jungwon I wanted to surprise you. So I planned it out and told you a white lie just to surprise you!" You explained.

Nishimura Riki was in total shock.

"And you're here!"

You nodded and brought him in for another hug.

𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧

"I also bought you some presents!"

Niki shook his head. "You're more than enough!"

You shrugged. "Well I felt like it so let me grab the things!"

Instead of waiting for you Niki followed you like he was afraid you'd leave.

"Babe you can't wait for me?" You asked in a playful manner.

Niki shook his head. "Every moment is precious!"

You nodded in agreement before bring the boxes out to the living room.

"Okay open it! And you have to share with your members!"

Niki nodded and opened the boxes. He gasped when he found a razor laptop and accessories like headphones and a mic.

"Baby you really got this for me?"

Heeseung looked at the items and smiled.

"Bro she said to share! Thank you Y/N!" He said happily.

You nodded. "No arguments over this, but technically it does belong to Riki."

The boys all gathered around and unboxed the items.

Niki strayed away from the small crowd and pulled you into the kitchen.

"I just can't believe that you're here and I get to meet you for the first time!" He confessed.

You smiled and took your hands in his.

"Well I'm here for the next two days before I go back home to Busan! It's only a 2:30 hour trip here so I don't mind it."

Niki nodded. "Better than a 14 hour flight!"

You smiled up at his before you both leaned in slowly. The second your lips met it was like fireworks. Your stomach was way past butterflies at this point. Niki was so lost in love and happiness.

"Ew! The youngest is making out with Y/N in the kitchen!" Sunghoon teased.

You both pulled away and Niki rested his chin on your head.

"I forgot about them..." He muttered.

You just laughed and moved backwards to look into his eyes.

"Well I hope you liked the surprise?"

Niki gave you another kiss before smiling brightly.

"I wouldn't spend my birthday any other way."

#Spotify #enhypen fanfiction #heeseung #jay #jungwon #niki #sunghoon #enhypen #jake #sunoo #enhypen niki #enhypen fluff #nishimura riki #niki enhypen #enhypen riki #enhypen fanfic

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yuta-nakamots · 3 years ago

Text

perfect - z.cl

Pairing - Chenle x Fem!Reader

Genre - fluff, angst, university!au, friends to lovers!au

Warnings - alcohol consumption, mention of drunkeness, lots of arguments, heavy making out, breakups, contains an aged up chenle (26-ish) towards the end

Summary - He’s definitely not your knight in shining armor, he may not be the one you bring home to mother, but he’ll be the one to give you flowers. Chenle is not the right one for you, but he is for right now.

Word Count - 5.2k

A/N - Bolded phrases are song lyrics taken from One Direction’s song ‘Perfect’ and inspired from the lyrics along with all the vlives where Chenle and the members have started yelling out the lyrics.This was supposed to come out back in January but school held it up and now Ana is gone hhhhh. I know she’s still on Tumblr but under a new url so if anyone wants to send this to her, to let her know that I did finish it, that would be nice.

Taglist - @astroboy-lele @in-my-neofeelings || fill out this form if you’d like to join my general taglist ^^

Written for the Sometimes Letting Go… Collab originally hosted by @sunryu who unfortunately deactivated.

When I first saw you from across the room, I could tell you were curious

The mutual attraction between you and Chenle was undeniable. Ever since the two of you first met as freshmen in an econ class, you knew he was your twin flame and he was yours. That initial meeting was almost comical, the way the professor said to pair up and talk to someone next to them for a bit and it seemed like everyone had turned away from you except for the boy sitting next to you.

It seems you both had the same realization as your heads turned and eyes met. “Well I guess you’re my friend for today,” he began, “hi, my name is Chenle. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Y/n,” you told him, “the pleasure is all mine.”

“So, why are you in this class?” He asked, tapping his pen on his leather-bound planner.

You hesitated for a second as you thought about how much to tell him. “I’m majoring in business and this was just one of the mandatory classes in my plan.”

“Hm, same here,” Chenle shared, seeming the slightest bit amused at your similarity, “would you also happen to be in calculus this semester?”

“Section 3 at 10:30?” You counter.

Chenle broke into a smile, “that’s the one.”

“How about freshman seminar?” You asked.

“1:15 in the world language building?” Chenle offered, copying your answer from before.

“Wow,” your eyebrows were raised in actual disbelief, “did you steal my schedule or something?”

“No, but I do believe in fate,” the boy next to you confessed, “would you like to get lunch sometime before freshmen seminar?”

You nodded, “I’d like that,” you stopped mid-sentence when you remembered that you told your friends you’d eat with them, “I am gonna be eating with my friends though so I could introduce you to them if you’d like.”

“Want to bet that we have the same friends too?”

“No way, that would be too coincidental.”

And coincidental it was. Somehow your friends knew some of Chenle’s friends whether it be from high school activities, childhood friends, or even having just met in their own classes. Your small group of five had immediately doubled in size.

Of course, with such a large group of friends, there was much fun to be had and many memories to be made. During midterms is when you were thankful you were majoring in business and not something like biology or chemistry. You could still go out and have fun on weekends with Chenle and the majority of your friends, meanwhile a few poor souls had to stay back to study their ‘reaction mechanisms’ or whatever the heck those things were called.

You quickly found that you weren’t one for parties though you loved to hang out with your friends and have small little parties of your own in the dorms. Every single time, as you all got progressively drunker and started to clock out for the night, it was always you and Chenle left being the two most sober with no other choice but to take care of your friends over hushed conversations.

“How much vodka did Hannah even drink?” Chenle asked while you both worked on cleaning up the mess of solo cups and napkins surrounding your friend who had, unfortunately, drank over half of the bottle. You picked it up, waving it at Chenle to show him. “She’s gonna have a nasty hangover…or at least wake up super dehydrated.”

As you worked on laying a blanket across her, passed out on the floor, Chenle had managed to stuff all the napkins inside the cups he had collected and was busy aiming at the trash can across the room. Right as he was about to shoot, “miss!” you called out. The little stack of cups hit the rim of the plastic trash bin and fell to the floor. Chenle turned to you, sticking out his tongue and imitating the way you caused him to mess up before going to properly dispose of the rubbish.

Instead of simply placing it in the waste, he once again returned to where he stood before, with one eye shut, aiming for the bin. You let out a scoff, ready to disturb him once more. He shot you a glance, knowing what you were planning from the way you just stood watching him. But regardless, he tried again. “Airball” you sang as he released the short stack of cups, sending them flying to the foot of the bin.

Chenle let out a growl, childishly stomping his way over to you while you tried to quietly escape from his grasps through the mess of food and other miscellaneous items on the floor. From the hushed giggles and name-calling from the two of you as you both stumbled around the room, to the whispered late-night thoughts and affirmations spoken from your positions on the floor with your heads resting on the edge of a bed, you barely even noticed how fast time was passing.

“Are you going home for the holidays?” You asked him.

He shook his head, “it’s my first time getting to live away from my parents and whenever I do go back, they’ll probably be expecting me to bring some girl with me.”

You turned to look at him, “why would they expect that?”

“They’re both getting old and want to retire soon,” Chenle started, “so the faster I get married and take over the company, the faster they’ll get to live out the rest of their lives,” he explained.

“Well that’s not very nice of them,” you commented, “what kind of parents would place such high responsibility on their child like that?”

“Mine I guess,” Chenle sighed.

After a moment of silence, you sat up, unsure what to make of the next words to come out of your mouth. “If you want, I could go with you.” Chenle looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed. “Like, I could be your fake girlfriend or something so that they don’t bother you so much about finding one.”

“That’s…an idea,” he started, biting on the corner of his lip as he played out possible scenarios in his head. “I think that would only make it worse though since we’d both have to make up stories and tell the same information.”

“True. But we could at least make it look believable, don’t you think?” You reached over to pet Chenle’s head the same way you’ve seen him do to his friends. “Oh, Chenle, you’re so cute,” you cooed, “I can’t wait to marry you and be with you for the rest of our lives.”

He grabbed your wrist and put it in your lap, not very keen on the show of affection. “Yeah, I think we’d look like a pretty convincing couple.”

“Do we look good together though?” You pondered. “If we were to show up to an event or something, would we make people stop and stare at us?”

“Anyone can do that if they wear something weird or do something out of the ordinary-“

“Okay but that’s not what I’m asking,” you interrupted, “I’m asking, would we look good together as a couple?”

Chenle shrugged apprehensively, “sure.” Your eyes bore into him as if forcing a more legit answer out of him. “Yes, I think we would look good as a couple.”

It was as if you and Chenle were made for each other. Whatever one did, the other was never too far behind. It was absolutely no surprise to your friends when you told them Chenle had asked you out and you became official. While your college careers continued and friends came and went, Chenle was always with you. He was your solid island in the middle of a tumultuous sea, your oasis in a dried desert. You didn’t need anyone else around to have fun, just him, just the two of you.

But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms and if you like having secret little rendezvous

Being with Chenle was as wild as things could get. It meant impulsive plans and bad decisions. Weekend nights normally consisted of one of you driving with no destination in mind until someone got hungry. Even at that point, the night didn’t end.

Sometimes the two of you would stay out past midnight, not wanting to leave each other’s company just yet. The feeling of the wind whipping past you as Chenle drove or the thrill of gassing it down the freeway was almost dreamlike. One would think that at this point, you’d return home, but for you, your home was wherever Chenle was. If it meant staying in a small hotel room for the night drinking cheap wine out of paper cups then so be it, that was home.

“Baby, you already drank almost half of the bottle, leave some for me,” Chenle teased, his eyes glimmering under the low lighting. The brightness of the small lamp on the desk failed to reach where he was sitting, the cozy armchair too far in the corner for it to be illuminated.

“Come here and get some then,” you suggested, lazily winking at him before downing another shot-sized gulp and enjoying the burn from the liquid running down your throat. The bed you were sitting on wasn’t all that soft but you had already warmed up a little spot of it and gotten too comfortable to move.

Chenle raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I don’t think you want me to do that.”

“Why not?” Your expression mirroring his.

“You wanna find out?

“Maybe I do.”

He let out a scoff and within a second he was on the bed, climbing up and settling over you. His warm breath fanned your neck, the scent of alcohol filling your senses. “Are you sure about that?”

“Fuck around and find out, handsome,” you taunted.

You had barely even finished your sentence before Chenle’s lips were on yours, his usual soft and pillowy lips became hot and heavy against yours under the guide of the fifteen-dollar wine. You were sure that you were definitely getting tipsy but Chenle’s love and passion were even more overwhelming. It was moments like this when you felt that you were drunk off of his love and it was absolutely intoxicating in the best way.

If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do, then baby I’m perfect

It was drunk weekends like this that led to a rocky start of the following week. It’s not that you and Chenle were bad students, it’s just that when you become totally infatuated with the person you love, you start to devote yourself to them instead of what actually needs to get done.

As sophomores in college, one would think that you’d have a little more self-control but with Chenle, you just couldn’t help it. He was worse than any drug you could ever take, to the point where your friends would have to intervene and keep you in your rooms until a substantial amount of work was done.

You called them annoying but really you should’ve been thankful to them for caring so much about you back then, and you are thankful, looking back on it. They always told you ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ and you wish you had listened to them. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have lost a relationship that you thought was practically flawless.

Perfect for you

In junior year, that is when your beautiful illusion finally began crumbling down. Your workloads grew heavier and your hours of sleep decreased. Chenle would often leave you on read, having opened your message in the middle of studying then forgotten to reply to it. Even when you childishly got upset at him for that, he’d always give you the same apology or buy you something cute as if money could shut you up.

With little to no distance between the two of you, it was easy for boundaries to be crossed and for problems to go unaddressed. You can feel like you know someone so well, that they’ll always understand what you mean and they can read your words like a book, but it didn’t seem that way anymore with Chenle.

He’d make fun of the way you always made him say ‘I love you’ at least once a day or some of your other pet peeves, including the way you had a Hello Kitty mouse pad that was ‘too childish for a college student to be using.’ It may have been out of love but it sure didn’t seem that way.

I might never be the hands you put your heart in or the arms that hold you any time you want them

Soon, the little pricks in your relationship spread past closed doors and into your schoolwork. Sharing a major and classes with your significant other was not exactly ideal, especially when they had different values and beliefs from you and had to argue for their reasoning.

“That just isn’t sustainable in the long run though,” you commented as you read through Chenle’s senior research report while seated opposite of him inside a library study room.

He ran a hand through his hair, leaning back into his seat, about to repeat himself for the fourth time. “It’s not about sustainability, it’s about the profit margin that’s being made. What don’t you get?”

“It’s not good for the environment, it’s not good for the people working in the factories,” you point out, “I don’t get how you can subject these things onto people.”

“Y/n, we’re business majors,” he stated plainly, “we study money, the economy, sales, company relationships, we’re not here to be environmentalists. Things don’t have to last very long, so much as they make a profit.”

“But we should think about the impact of our future businesses and their longevity in the world-”

“You should think about passing this class and stop being so prissy and uptight about saving trees or whatever the fuck you’re going on about.”

You were absolutely shocked at the words that had just come out of his mouth. This wasn’t the first time he had seemingly degraded you in this manner, but when it came to school and your own work, you were deeply offended at what he had said, especially since both of you had spent many hours on your respective projects.

“Chenle,” you began softly, “tell me you didn’t mean that.”

He refused to meet your gaze, “If I told you that then I would be a liar.”

“Look, you can’t just spew whatever bullshit you want and just expect that people won’t get hurt,” you criticized, only to be cut off once more.

“Then maybe you should learn to not take everything so seriously,” he snapped back.

“I...I think we need a break.”

“Agreed.”

“No, from each other.” Chenle’s head whipped up to look at you, his eyes went wide when he realized what you were insinuating.

“Baby no, you know it’s not like that,” he started, but it was already too late. You blocked his voice out of your head as you packed your belongings, just wanting to get out of this room, wanting to get away from him.

This wasn’t the first time you had fought with him in this way but it felt like you had finally lost all your patience. You were tired of always being told you were wrong and having your thoughts and ideas invalidated. As you stormed away from the library, you realized that maybe you needed to let go of things that no longer brought you joy.

Sometimes letting go...is a new start

After that incident, you did indeed have a fresh start. You slowly removed Chenle from your life and just in time for graduation. Whenever he tried to approach you on campus, you always turned the other way even if it meant being late to class. Luckily, you didn’t have many shared classes with him anymore and you were all the more grateful for it right now.

You’d come back to your campus apartment with the occasional flower or sticky note left on your doorstep asking you to give him another chance but you simply didn’t have enough time or energy to care anymore. Commencement was approaching and you still had yet to hear back from any of the companies you had applied to for internships.

But that don’t mean that we can’t live here in the moment

One of your friends had mentioned that Chenle had already received news that he was accepted into his family’s business, a large company in China, and you wished you could’ve been there when he had read the email. You could practically hear his yell of delight, his laugh when he’d turn to hug you, even if it was practically guaranteed that he’d get in, you missed it all so much but there was no turning back now.

It wasn’t until after commencement did you receive your own letter of acceptance from one of the largest foreign trade companies in the area after you saw Chenle for the last time. “Zhong Chenle, Bachelor of Arts in business management.” You remembered the immense pride and pain you felt in your chest, watching him walk across the stage to claim his diploma as you sat clothed in the same cap and gown only a few rows away. You wished you could share your emotions with him, but you had to remind yourself that he was no longer yours, he was no longer the man you first fell in love with.

‘Cause I can be the one you love from time to time

Four years have passed since that moment at commencement. In those four years, you’ve climbed your way up in the company, taking a hold of a directing position in project development and management. With all your success though, there was always one failure that kept floating through your mind. The number of sleepless nights and wandering moments you’ve spent thinking about all the ‘what ifs’ and the changes you should’ve made in your relationship have all decreased with time, but sometimes it all comes crashing back. You miss the memories you made with him and you miss being so young and naive.

Sometimes you managed to hear a thing or two about the company he worked for but you never paid much attention to it, always falling back into a spiral of guilt and calling yourself the sole reason why your relationship fell apart. Chenle would even pop into your mind at the weirdest times when you’d be thinking of anything but him.

Like the other day as you were staring out the window of your office, watching people and cars pass by, your memory of Chenle speeding down the empty highway suddenly resurfaced. The adrenaline you felt from the buildings and signs whizzing by, the slight buzz of alcohol you felt in your system, the cool air coming in from Chenle’s window, the warmth of his hand in yours. You couldn’t help but smile at it fondly yet it turned sour when you thought of the last time he ever drove you somewhere. You had argued with him about something dumb, you couldn’t even remember it at this point, and you even slammed the door before storming off to who knows where.

Or some months ago, you were interviewing possible new hires for the company and met someone from Puerto Rico. Once you finished the interview with them, you sat at the wooden desk while remembering the way you teased Chenle because he didn’t know how to pronounce Puerto Rico. You thought it was cute and even told him that, but it ended up in another fight because you may have spent a little too long dwelling on the topic.

But oftentimes when you find yourself thinking about him, you’d wonder how he’s doing. Is he happy where he is right now? What kinds of things is he doing for his job? Has he found a new girlfriend? What if he dated many other people after me? What if he’s married? Would he have children by now? Or most importantly, ‘does he still love me?’

And if you like midnight driving with the windows down, and if you like going places we can’t even pronounce

Regardless, you’d shake off all these thoughts and continue about your day, completing the tasks assigned to you. The majority of your time was spent conducting interviews and deliberating with the directors about who to hire for what position. It was quite fun, really. You got to meet all of the new hires before they came into the company and you felt empowered by the fact that you would be indirectly responsible for the future of the company in this sort of way.

On one particular day, everything felt like it was going just a little too well. Your hair was done just the right way, traffic was light, your coworkers seemed to all be in a good mood, but most importantly, there were no fat folders sitting on your desk, waiting for you to go through. Just a single sheet of paper with the list of the new hires coming in for their briefings along with the notes you were required to go over.

You didn’t bother checking it, seeing as how you had exactly two minutes left before the scheduled meet time, which was exactly the amount of time you needed to head downstairs to the conference room. You really should have checked the list though. It would have prepared you for the shock of seeing a certain someone sitting at the table in a suit that looked all too good on him.

“Zhong Chenle?” You audibly gasped, pausing in your tracks the moment you entered the conference room.

His eyes were already on you as if he knew you’d be the person to walk through that doorway at that exact moment. “That would be me.”

The other new hires looked around at each other sharing all types of glances. Worried, suspicious, surprised, questioning, nothing really all that positive. “Sorry, he’s just an old friend that I was surprised to see,” you quickly explained, trying to pull yourself back together.

Throughout your whole presentation, it was like all the attention in the world was directed at you. Never had you felt this nervous before doing something that was supposed to be so familiar. Every time your eyes glanced over in Chenle’s direction, his gaze managed to catch yours as if he was trying to speak to you without any words.

By the time you adjourned the meeting and sent the new hires off to their respective departments, it felt like you had run a marathon. Your palms were clammy, your legs shaky, your mind racing, and your heart was pounding.

Chenle was the only one left in the conference hall while you pushed in all the chairs and turned off the lights. “Looks like these years have done you well.” He commented, finally able to take in the sight of you now that there was no one else around.

“I could say the same for you.” His shoulder had gotten broader and any childlike features had left his face. He truly looked like he had grown into a man. The dark gray suit he was wearing fit the lines of his body so well, it made you think he could’ve been a model instead of simply becoming an office worker. “So how have you been?”

He did a classic Chenle shrug, “nothing much really. I started off being just a marketing employee, did some work, and got myself to be chief marketing officer. It seems you’ve gotten much further than I have, though. Project development and management?”

“Oh, it’s not anything huge. I just help with planning things out and doing all the paperwork for its execution. I only do interviews and help with hiring when we’re in season, which would be why I’m here right now,” you explained, motioning for him to follow you out of the room. “Your new supervisor is probably wondering where you are. I sent the rest of the newbies a few minutes ago already. I’ll just tell him that you had a few questions about our operations.”

“Wow, cheating the system? That’s not the way I remember you,” Chenle said with mock disapproval. You led him to the elevators, pleasantly surprised to find one still on your floor after you hit the ‘up’ button. Your eyes met with his while you gestured for him to go in. “Ladies first,” he had a cat-like grin on his face as you rolled your eyes and stepped into the elevator.

“So why did you decide to leave your company? Weren’t you going to take it over someday?” You ask over the squeaking of the doors closing.

Chenle leaned against the cold metal wall of the elevator, “I still plan to but I felt like they were just kind of babying me or treating me differently because they knew of my background,” he explained. You could only nod to acknowledge the fact that you were listening. “I told my parents that I wanted to get experience outside of the company and they didn’t really understand at first until I showed them my point of view and how it’s a little worrisome to perhaps, learn how to cook when you always have chefs around you giving you instructions down to the tiniest things.”

The elevator came to a stop and the heavy doors opened onto the floor Chenle would be working on. “But why this company? We’re not even closely related to yours?” You led him down the hallway in the direction of his supervisor's office.

“My parents were the ones who recommended it, actually. It would be a little risky to go to a neighboring one in the case of it being viewed as a betrayal or like some kind of inside mission so they said I should just come back here since I’d probably have a high chance of acceptance-“ you put a hand up to stop him from talking, seeing how many of the other employees had started to look at him due to his volume.

“Chenle, must I remind you that this is an office?” You gritted out, embarrassed in front of your colleagues.

He shook his head before turning to the mass of them, bowing politely then continuing in the same direction as before. Once both of you reached the head office at the end of the hallway, Chenle spoke up once more. “By any chance, are you free tonight?”

“That depends,” you began, “what are you hinting at?”

“Just seeing if you’d like to go out to dinner so we can properly catch up, I guess,” he proposed bashfully.

You hummed in thought, “mmm, put in a good word for me with your supervisor and you’ve got a deal.”

“Deal,” he agreed.

“Meet me in the lobby at 5:30, don’t be late,” you told him before knocking on the wooden door in front of you and allowing Chenle in.

If you like to do whatever you’ve been dreaming about, then baby you’re perfect

You thought Chenle’s wine phase in college would be just that, a phase, but it really wasn’t. He had ordered an expensive bottle of merlot even with all your insistence that you wouldn’t be drinking and even made him promise that he’d be sober enough to drive himself back to wherever his accommodations were.

He made a face of fake dismissal before picking up your last conversation. “So anyway, as I was saying earlier, my parents suggested that I come back here, especially since I got my degree from the university so I’m bound to get in.”

You were about to open your mouth to say something like “getting in is not a guarantee” especially coming from your experience in doing interviews and having to decide which applicants to turn down, but you decided against it.

“Initially, I was a little against it since I didn’t want to come back to somewhere I’ve already stayed at for some time,” he confessed, “but after I did some research on the company and found out that you’re one of the associates, I was a little more open to the idea.”

There was a break of silence while you started to link your thoughts together. “So you came here because you found out that I work here?”

“Yes, but also no,” Chenle stated, blurting the second part out rather quickly when he saw the shift in your expression. “It is true that I wanted to see you and how you were doing but it’s not just that. I figured that if you worked here and had such a high position, it must be a good place to work.”

“But what I’m hearing is…you came here because of me,” you state bluntly though your heart couldn’t help but let out a cheer of delight.

Chenle redirected his gaze at the neighboring tables. “You could say that, sure.”

“Chenle, what do you want out of this? What do you want out of me specifically?” You contended. His eyes continued to flit around the lowly lit space, not daring to meet yours unlike earlier in the conference hall. “What? Did you come back just expecting me to run into your arms? Did you think we would just pick up where we left off?”

Now he looked down at the white tablecloth, as if in shame. “Would it be wrong of me to ask for a second chance?”

You too joined him in staring at the table, wishing that he had answered ‘no’ to your previous questions. “It wouldn’t exactly be wrong, but it’s not right either. I’d be willing to give you a second chance if we agree to not call it that, but rather a promise.”

He finally looked up at you again, his dark pupils catching the dim golden lights above him. “A promise?”

You nodded. “We’re older now, we’re fully grown adults with jobs to do and taxes to pay. We’re no longer the same carefree college students we used to be.”

“Well yeah, obviously-“

“No, listen,” you interject, cutting him off, “we can’t just recklessly play with each other’s minds and feelings like we used to. No more games and no more ‘next times.’ If we try again, I want this to be a promise that we’ll both do better because we can and we want to.”

“If it’s a promise that you want then,” Chenle held out his hand with his pinky finger extended, “it’s a promise I’m willing to make.”

You linked your pinky with his before bringing your thumbs together and sealing the promise. Matching smiles appeared across both of your faces as you stepped into a new chapter of life with Chenle by your side once more.

Sometimes letting go is…perfect. So let’s start right now

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a-singleboat · 4 years ago

Text

Heather

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: literally, please do not hate me for this, i just wanted to write domestic dream x reader

Warnings: I think a swear, there’s also a kiss that gets a lil steamy

If there was one good thing about a global pandemic, it was that it meant you got to spend more time at home and less time actually working. Of course, as an educator, you had to still work but at least you got to do it from the comfort of your own desk. The office space was one that you shared with your boyfriend, which wasn’t an issue most of the time.

But if there was one bad thing about a global pandemic, it was that you had to stay home. While your boyfriend was content to stay at home, you were not. Your need to be out and about had you on daily walks nearly every day but as your self-imposed quarantine grew longer, you found yourself opting to stay home.

Though, today was different. Today, you had taken it upon yourself to go out and get the groceries while Clay stayed home to work. And by work, you meant to stream a video that most likely would be extremely loud and distracting and you really couldn’t bring yourself to do any work while that went down.

So there you were, an hour later, arriving back at the home that you and Clay had bought together not too long ago. You’d gotten more than you anticipated to get, finding that it had taken you several trips in between your shopping cart and the trunk of your car to load everything in. You checked your watch. Clay had been streaming for about half an hour before you left and from what you knew, most of his streams didn’t usually last more than two hours.

You called his phone, juggling the milk in one hand and a reusable bag in the other. Your own phone was pressed between your ear and your shoulder as you used your pinky to open up the door connecting the garage to the house. He picked up a moment later.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. You could hear the sounds of his keyboard clicking in the background, a pang of guilt running through you as you realized that he was most likely still streaming.

“Nevermind,” you were quick to say, setting the milk jug on the counter. “You’re still streaming, just wanted to know if you were done and could help bring in the groceries but I can do it.”

“No, just give me a moment,” Clay said, shifting his focus from you to his stream. “Guys, I gotta go help my girlfriend really quick. Uh, George and Sapnap, entertain the stream for a quick moment.”

You heard him take his headphones off and get out of his chair before the office door opened upstairs. You hung up the phone, grinning as he slid around the corner with a smile on his face.

“Hi, baby,” you greeted him, kissing his cheek when he walked over to you. He blushed, peppering your face in kisses in order to hide his embarrassment. “How’s the stream going so far?”

“Terribly,” Clay groaned, rubbing his upper arm. He had told you that he was doing a stream involving a shock collar but you weren’t expecting him to do it today. “But maybe if you sat in the office and watched while I streamed, it wouldn’t be as bad.”

You scoffed, pushing him away from you. You took up the milk jug, opening the fridge and sliding it into its place. “Or, you can go get the rest of the groceries from the car and then maybe I’ll consider it. I still have to grade my papers, too, bubs.”

“I think the high schoolers can wait a little longer for their grades, babe,” he deadpanned. You looked over at him, laughing when you saw his pouted lip. He’d switched tactics by then, trying to get you to do what he wanted by attempting to look as utterly adorable as possible. It was endearing, that much was true.

“I’ll stay in the room instead of doing my work out here while you stream, how about that?” You asked, starting to unpack the groceries. He immediately perked up, nodding rapidly in agreement with the compromise you offered. You rolled your eyes playfully. “Now go get the bags from the car. You’ve got people waiting on you.”

His eyes widened as he realized that he had abandoned his audience of nearly a million viewers. He ran out to the car and grabbed the groceries in record time, coming back and setting them on the counter before giving you a quick kiss on the lips and yelling, “I love you!” as he disappeared back up the stairs and into the office.

You took your time putting the rest of the groceries away, listening to the faint sounds of Clay in pain for about ten minutes before ultimately deciding that you should make good on your promise.

You entered the room, closing the door behind you before grabbing your laptop and wheeling your chair over next to his. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before settling in next to him. It was mostly peaceful, Clay trying to hold in his screams as to not startle you each time he got shocked. At one point, he had decided to take a break to try and calm down. You took his hand in yours, rubbing soothing circles into the space between his thumb and his index finger.

“You okay?” you asked, looking up at him in concern. You had finished grading maybe a third of your papers, having been distracted by the gameplay for longer than you cared to admit.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, wincing as he realized his mistake. He pushed the headset off his ears, yelling into his mic for George and Sapnap to shut up before putting it back on. You couldn’t hear what his friends were saying but you could read the chat that was displayed on his second monitor, his viewers going insane as they asked who he was talking to.

He muted his mic as quick as he could, looking over to you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, babe. I completely forgot I had my mic on.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, still rubbing circles into his hand. “We’ve been together, what, five years? They would have found out sooner or later.”

“But your job…” he looked at you.

“They don’t need to know my real name,” you giggled. “They’ll most likely end up calling me ‘Dream’s Girlfriend,’ or something. Like how they call your mom ‘Dream’s Mom,’ and Tommy’s ‘Motherinnit’.”

“Are you sure?”

“Talk about me all you want,” you assured him. “But just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.”

“The bar is so much lower than I ever imagined,” he quoted back at you, laughing slightly as he turned his mic back on. You figured you wouldn’t be getting any more work done that night so you opted to close your laptop. You scooted in closer to him, steering clear of the shock collar on his arm.

“Hey, guys,” he talked to his chat. “Sorry I keep disappearing on you guys. Uhm, I guess we can take this moment to have a chat? I kind of want a break from getting shocked a thousand times over.”

He disconnected his headphones so you could hear the conversation going on between him and his friends as well. Immediately, the familiar voices of George and Sapnap flooded the room, both yelling about how Clay had never told them about you before.

You leaned in closer to the mic, looking back at Clay and laughing for a bit before speaking up. “Hi, guys!” you said. “I’m, uh, Dream’s Girlfriend, I suppose.”

“‘I suppose,’” Sapnap chortled as he repeated your words. You flushed, realizing your most likely poor choice of words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Be nice, Sapnap,” George scolded the younger man. You couldn’t help but laugh. “She’s probably nervous or something.”

“I am very nervous,” you giggled. You felt Clay’s hand grab yours, squeezing slightly as a bit of encouragement. “Uh, someone in the chat asked how long Dream and I have been dating… It’s been a little over five years now. We celebrated our anniversary back in July, actually.”

“Best five years of my life,” Clay added, reaching out to tickle your sides. You shrieked, squirming away from his hands.

“Baby, no!” you yelled, gasping in surprise as you fell over into his lap. He pulled you in close, settling you on his lap as he read the chat over your shoulder.

“What’s her name?” he read. “Her name is Dream’s Girlfriend. When did we meet? We met while I was still in school, actually. We were friends for, I think, two years before I asked her out.”

You nodded along. “Yeah, two years sounds about right. Also, I distinctly remember it being me to ask you out, not the other way around.” You brought your watch up to your face, noticing the time. “But I digress. I have to go make dinner so you should hurry up and beat Minecraft so we can eat together.”

“What are you making?”

“I’m thinking ziti,” you teased, getting up off his lap. You gave him a quick kiss before leaving him to his stream. You grabbed your phone off your desk before heading downstairs, opening Twitter as you went.

See, that was the thing about total anonymity. You could have a stan Twitter account, decorated by Clay himself, to keep up to date with everything going on in his life. While he asked about your day, you could take your lunch break to catch up on the latest Twitter events.

Today, as expected, the latest Twitter event was you. People were going crazy, tweeting about Dream’s Girlfriend and speculating on who it could be. You liked a few tweets, laughing at the ones that didn’t make sense as the pasta boiled. A few mutuals, people you had actually become close friends with, were messaging you like crazy, all shouting about, well, you.

I wish I were Heather, your friend typed out, sending the audio clip from the five minutes you’d talked during. You got a good laugh out of that, reacting to her message with the laughing emoji. You finished making dinner, occasionally responding to the group chat as you did. About thirty minutes after you’d left Clay, you finally heard him wrapping up the stream, thanking his viewers before signing off.

“I’m gonna head to dinner now,” you heard him say to his friends. You didn’t hear their response but you heard Clay’s, which was, “Yeah, I know.”

He came bounding down the steps about ten minutes later, stretching his arms over his head as he yawned. He rubbed his arm a few times, wincing as he felt the aftershocks from the shock collar.

“Do you want to take a bath tonight?” you suggested, plating the pasta for him. He entered the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your midsection as you finished pouring the pesto sauce on his plate. He pressed feather-light kisses into your neck, tickling you with the facial hair he had grown over the past couple of weeks.

“And maybe I’ll shave,” he contemplated, tickling you further. You giggled, reaching a hand up to scratch his growing beard.

“I like it though,” you admitted. “Makes you seem older, more refined.”

“But you won’t let me do… things when I have a beard.”

“Because when you do things with a beard, it causes, like, carpet burn.”

He hummed. “I’m going to shave.”

“You should check Twitter, by the way,” you mentioned nonchalantly. “Your stans are having a meltdown.”

He pulled out his phone, holding it in front of you as he opened the app. Immediately, his feed refreshed and there was nothing but mentions of Dream and his mysterious girlfriend. One tweet caught your eye, reading, I don’t think that Dream actually has a girlfriend and it’s just Sapnap with a voice filter on.

You both laughed at that one, taking his phone so that you could like it and respond, You got me, with the laughing emoji after. “That’s just going to confuse them more,” he said, shutting his phone off. “But enough about that, dinner looks amazing.”

“Made with love,” you cooed, turning in his arms to give him a kiss. He moved the two of you to the side, pressing you against the counter instead of the stove. Your arms made their way around his neck, twisting into the base of his dirty blonde hair and pulling hard enough to pull a soft moan from his lips.

He was the first to pull away, his need for air outweighing his want to continue kissing you. You continued to kiss down his neck, giggling when he groaned in reaction to you sucking a hickey into his sweet spot.

“I love you,” he said, once you’d finally separated. “And I know that everyone is excited that I have a girlfriend now, but if you start seeing hate, please tell me. I don’t want you to have to go through that alone.”

“I love you, too,” you sighed, tracing shapes into his chest. “And I’m a big girl, Clay. I’m sure I can handle a few trolls on my own.”

He put his hand under your chin, gently guiding your eyes up to meet his. “I know you can handle yourself, but you shouldn’t have to. Promise me you’ll tell me.”

It was cute, how overprotective over you he was. He looked at you with concern, looking to be debating between sending a tweet to his fans to be respectful and making a video and posting it. Most of his fandom was respectful, though there were a few people that went out of their way to send hate.

You sighed, lowering your shoulders and settling into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of your head as you muttered a quiet promise to him. You knew that Clay just wanted to keep you safe, which was part of the reason as to why you gave in so easily. He only had your best interests at heart and you knew that.

“You’re the most important person to me, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” you said softly. “And you’re the most important to me. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

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