#but then i remember i created this blog solely for that reason

[macgirlism]

watching sunny with mac vision just means i get so excited whenever he's on screen like "oh! there he is again!" dumb bitch he's a main character of course he's there

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Hihi! I went on anon cause my main blog is strictly sfw, but I promise I'm an adult(29). Anyways, I had this idea of Ascended Astarion teasing Tav/Reader in front of a mirror. He can't see himself, but loves the way Tav/Reader shudders under his touch and them getting more and more embarrassed because all they can see is themselves getting riled up by seemingly nothing, but when they look down, ofc they see his hands working magic across their body.

Lol ty for the clarification and ask! I've been needing some nsfw practice!

Ascended Astarion nsfw under the cut, 18 + warnings. Like this is not implied smut. It is smut, graphic. Possessive, obsessive, manipulative, bad vampire man who loves you. As much as he's capable of. Morally gray human Tav from the start to here. It's only downhill from here baby, m/f angle. But if that doesnt fufill the dream let me know and I can make a gender neutral/ gender nonspecfic no prob! And probably less intense too because this is angsty~~~

Like I went ham, this is a whole ass fic now💀

You frowned at yourself in the bedroom mirror, adjusting your hair for the umpteenth time. It still didn't look right, despite what felt like hours of practice that you'd put into the intricate style.

You sighed as let one of your braids fall down, dissatisfied with what you saw. You didn't exactly look the part of an all-powerful vampire's consort, or at least not with the company you've recently been keeping. But it turned out a significant part of taking over Baldur's Gate was trenched in politics, meetings, balls, social events created for the sole purpose of mind games.

It was exhausting, or at least it was for you. But Astarion seemed to take to it like a duck to water. This life suited him, one of power games and subterfuge, and more often than not, murder. Not that you minded. You were just happy that he was having fun. That he was finally free after all of those years of torment. Even if he was using that freedom for… less than savory ends.

But despite his goals, you had sworn to him that you would never stray. And you intended on making good on that promise.

You just wished that he didn't insist on you being there for all of his "business". You hadn't realized how literal he had been about the whole sitting in his lap plan. It had taken a half-hour conversation to even convince him that no, you would not be doing so in the nude. He still hadn't given up on convincing you off that plan, but you highly doubted that it would help with your current level of heightened insecurity.

Maybe you were worrying for no reason. It wasn't Astarion who made you feel out of place. Well… it was, but not because of anything he did. Just… who he had become. He was so different now, so much colder to everything and everyone but you. More calculating, less forgiving, and just perfect for working with the most dangerous individuals in the mortal plane.

You seemed to be the only living thing he could relax around anymore, the only person who could soften him. It was strange really. You used to remember his softer side, before the ritual. The way his heart would hurt for children and animals alike, despite his failed attempts to hide it. His soft spot for Karlach, those who were brave and brazen, always willing to do the right thing despite the risks. The kind smile he used to have, reserved for beautiful things like the sunrise, the sunset.

Gone, all of it. It was a fact that you didn't like to think about. What you both gave up, things could have been; there was no point to it anyway. It was over. You gave Astarion the choice, this is what came of that. So here you were, obsessing over your appearance in preparation for a meeting with a high-ranking devil.

How things had changed.

You had no idea if you would ever find a way to match up with the company he kept around these days. Maybe it was your own fault for surrounding yourself with otherworldly creatures, but it was hard not to feel inadequate.

It didn't help that whenever you even slightly alluded to that insecurity, Astarion was more than ready to remind you of your… "options".

"You can join us whenever you'd like my treasure," Astarion would say with a creeping grin, "Just one bite, and we can be sure you'll be mine forever. Would that be so bad?"

It was a tempting offer, one that you kept insisting on refusing. You loved Astarion more than anything. But… you wanted that love to stay your choice. An obligation you maintained of your own free will. It's not that you didn't trust him… but to be a spawn had too many implications for you to handle.

"What has you pouting sweet thing?"

You startled when hands suddenly settled on your hip, gripping through the thin fabric of your nightdress. You looked back, relaxing the slightest bit to see Astarion smiling down at you, amused at the fact he'd managed to sneak up on you through the mirror.

"You said you weren't going to do that anymore," You whined as you leaned back into him, your eyes turning back to the mirror. You could see the fabric of your slip indented under his hands, ghost-like without his actual image reflecting back.

"I lied," Astarion said simply, leaning down to breathe you in from the crook of your neck, "Now what are you thinking about pet? I can tell something's on your mind."

You bit your lip, debating for a moment if you should tell him or not. But it's not like he would let it drop, and he was way too good at being able to tell when you were lying. Might as well come clean.

You sighed, "I don't…I don't know if I'm cut out for this."

You expected him to huff at you, maybe even laugh. But instead, the grip he had on you tightened, hard enough to make you gasp. You could feel his fangs scraping against your delicate skin, scratching hard enough to cause pinpricks of blood to bead out.

"And why would you ever think a thing like that?" Astarion asked, his voice harsh and low, "Where else would you be if not by my side hm? Please, enlighten me."

You gulped, your heart rate starting to pick up. You hadn't meant it like that, "That's not what I meant-"

"Then what else could it have meant?" Astarion shot back, his hands digging into you, surely ready to leave finger-shaped bruises. Suddenly he was using that same grip to drag you backward to the bed, effortlessly settling you between his spread legs.

All while managing to still be right in sight of the mirror. You could feel your cheeks redden as his hands started to wander, unceremoniously tugging down the straps of your nightdress to reveal your chest. That was another thing about life after the ritual that had been a surprise, just how different Astarion's sex drive was. It's not like he was a prude before, far from it, but now he was insatiable. Always ready and willing to touch you whenever the urge struck him. Often enough for you to eventually come to the thrilling, if not slightly disturbed realization, that… he was training you. Training your body to always want his touch.

And tonight was no different. You could already feel yourself getting wet, and he had barely done anything yet. But then suddenly he was pinching your nipple harshly, hissing in your ear, "I expect an answer when I ask you a question darling."

You bit back a moan, trying to remember what you were even arguing about as he started to play with your breasts, "I-I didn't mean it like that. I just… I don't want to embarrass you."

It was humiliating to admit but it was true. Not many people of Astarion's caliber insisted on a singular lover. There were so many people after him now, people with more power, more beauty, and grace. You didn't match up. You couldn't.

"Nonsense," Astarion dismissed, his hands wandering down to tear off more of your clothing, "Look at you. You were made for this life. Made for me. You're gorgeous."

The compliments mixed with the harsh feeling of his hands ripping your nightdress in two was quite the experience. You could feel his own hardness pressing into your backside, twitching as he threw your ruined clothing to the side.

Then he was gripping your chin, forcing your head back up to stare into the mirror in front of you, "I said look."

You obeyed, eyes widening at what you saw. It was so strange to see yourself like this, fully exposed with your legs spread apart, flushed and panting. It nearly gave the illusion that your very image was what was causing the wetness between your legs, instead of the invisible man toying with you.

You swallowed, your throat dry as Astarion's hands wandered lower, a feather-light touch tracing up and down your slit, "You are everything. The sole reason that I'm the man I am today. There is nowhere else you should be than right here."

"But-" You gasped, your words interrupted by a sharp slap to your inner thigh. You could see your skin start to redden in the mirror, a perfect imprint left in it's wake.

"Darling, are you questioning my judgment? What on earth made you think that was a good idea?"

You frantically shook your head, moaning when his fingers delved deeper, playing with your slick folds, "I-I'm not. I didn't- I'm sorry."

You whined as he roughly pinched your clit, his other hand moving upward to do the same to your heaving chest.

He was starting to grind his hardness against you, a tease of more to come as he murmured in your ear, "There's my good girl. Was that so hard?"

You shook your head, gasping as he finally dipped his long fingers into your cunt. You were already so sensitive, humiliatingly close in a matter of minutes.

"So gorgeous," Astarion sighed, staring straight ahead to the sole image of you, whimpering as he finger-fucked your pussy, "So needy. Can you see how wet you are pet?"

You could, you were leaking around his fingers, that needy, intense feeling getting more and more intense by the moment. It was so embarrassing seeing yourself like this, enough so that you snapped your eyes shut.

A bad idea. Astarion tutted at you, landing another sudden and hard slap to your thigh, "None of that. I told you to look. Or else."

You snapped your eyes back open, watching yourself whimper and gasp as you were played with, the harsh movement of his hand jostling your breasts. You weren't going to last much longer, not with the image of you being taken apart, the feeling of him inside you, the mean edge to your love's words.

"You're such a silly little thing, aren't you?" Astarion growled, fucking you harder and faster. You were so close, but you weren't stupid enough to come without permission. Not after what he did the last time, "Doubting me. Do you really think I don't know what's best for you? What's best for us?"

"No," You whimpered, your hips arching backward to rub harder into his erection, "You're right, I-I'm yours. C-Can I come now? Please?"

"Beg me and maybe I'll think about it," Astarion meanly laughed, relishing in the gush of slick his harshness coaxed from between your legs, "Beg and apologize. Apologize for doubting us. For doubting me."

You could barely get the words out through your own gasps, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean it!"

"Good girl," Astarion huskily laughed, using a clever thumb to rub over your swollen clit, "Now tell me you love me."

"I love you," You said easily, meaning every word, "I love you more than anything.

"Tell me you'll never leave me. Ever."

There was something else behind that promise. An obvious implication that your fucked-out brain was too distracted to see.

"Never," You promised, reaching back for you him. You curled your fingers into his hair. pulling his head down to press his mouth against your throat. An open invitation, "I'll always be with you."

Astarion groaned against your skin, his fangs so close to piercing, "Precious pet, how could I ever want anything else? Come darling, you've earned it."

Then he was biting you, the brief flash of pain the perfect trigger for you to fall over the edge. You came with an embarrassingly high-pitched whine, slumping back into Astarion as he drank from your throat.

You looked as much of a mess as you felt, the stickiness between your thighs glistening in the light. You watched yourself, whimpering as Astarion slipped his fingers out. Just to tap them against your lips, forcing them into your mouth to suck on.

You moaned around them, light-headed as Astarion popped off of your throat. You sighed as he licked at the wound, enjoying the brief moment of rest. You weren't naive enough to think that you were done yet. Not when Astarion was still hard, his cock pulsing against you.

"See?" Astarion huskily laughed, licking the blood off of his lips while he played with your tongue, "You're perfect. Perfect and mine."

[ebonysplendor]

Screen Shrink (#1?): Milo Change

**This was written for funsies, strictly for funsies, and only for funsies. This is not meant to be taken seriously or as fact**

Okay, so...changing gears a little bit here from my typical game schpiels, but it's like, we've been hanging out together for a few months now, yeah? Yeah, so it only makes sense that I can share some of these little weird quips of mine.

So, fun fact, I am a mental health therapist~! So that means that I make money by listening to people vent to me about their problems, concerns, traumas, and all of that and helping them work through it. Another thing that I do for money is diagnose them. Kinda cool, huh?

Now, the reason why I shared that with you is because, I involuntarily start diagnosing characters when I watch TV and movies, or read a story or news article, or play video games...or visual novels lol. Anyways, the sole reason of this post being created was because I've been plagued with these thoughts for a while, and no one I know IRL either play or will admit that they play visual novels, so I have no one to share these specific thoughts with.

I may or may not make this a thing on my blog but meh. I just have to get this one in particular out. All of that being said...tell me that (OG) Milo Change doesn't meet the criteria for Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood.

Please let me explain, because this has been burning me for months.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Okay, so listen... Actually, let me preface this first.

People are very unique and very odd, and because of that, people don't always fit cleanly into a diagnosis. Why did I mention that? Because, sometimes, based on what a client is describing, it can fit the criteria of a certain condition but not meet the exact requirements. It's like when doctors diagnose an illness; you don't have the exact 3 symptoms for the flu, but you have 2 of them, so they diagnose and treat it like the flu until proven otherwise, hence why they say "flu-like" symptoms versus just "the flu".

Okay, so anyways, I said that, because some of you are probably like "Nah, Milo definitely has anxiety", and you wouldn't be wrong! Milo absolutely fits the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but remember that thing I mentioned about the "flu-like" symptoms? Therapists do the same thing. We either give a broad/general diagnosis (because we've gotta bill them under something, even if it's just very mild depression, so we can keep seeing them) or we give an extremely specific one; Milo's is -- or appears to be, because again, people are unique and odd, and what I see another therapist may not -- an extremely specific one, which is Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and Depressed Mood.

In order to meet the criteria of Adjustment Disorder, you pretty much would have had to undergo a big change within the last 3 months, like a divorce, getting out of jail, having people move in, or something of the sort. Now, the "mixed anxiety and depressed mood" are what are known to be "specifiers" and those are pretty much exactly what they sound like -- they make the diagnosis more specific or explain it a bit more.

All that being said, it appears that Milo meets the criteria for Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and Depressed Mood because:

- He had a major change in scenery from a small town to a bustling, city-based campus (adjustment) - Technically, we could include that he's getting used to being this psycho's someone's significant other...yeah, let's add that as an extra layer (adjustment) - He also has very low self-esteem and self-worth, so that very likely means he struggles with feelings of worthlessness (depression) - He be a touch starved boy (depression) - He has a pretty shitty set of "friends" that frequently mistreat him (depression), and this poor kid is probably trying to do everything in his power not to piss them off, but it's a constant guessing game (anxiety) - But he also opts to have them versus no one at all because it's hard enough putting yourself out there to meet new people to start with. Still though, it's like...damn, to be mistreated or to be lonely (depression and anxiety) - He's pretty jumpy when you speak to him, stutters a lot, (it looks like) he fidgets with his clothing, he's a nail biter, and frequently avoids eye contact (anxiety) - Not to mention that this poor baby has a general mistrust of new people being nice to him since he immediately thinks that they want something from him or playing a joke on him (anxiety)

Like, come on. You cannot TELL ME that that isn't -- likely -- adjustment disorder with anxiety and depressed mood. The man is 100% an anxious wreck, but like, shit, I would be, too, if I left my familiar shitty environment to a totally new shitty environment; I knew what to expect at home, not so much here, ya get me?

Now, would I change this diagnosis down the line? Absolutely, because, if he's still an anxious wreck 6 months down the line, clearly it wasn't the change in environment that had him on edge like that, or rather that's not the thing that's continued to have him on edge like that. Initial visit, though? This is 100% what I would've given him if I did his assessment.

I just had to get this off my chest. I've kept this to myself for MONTHS now, and I just couldn't anymore man! But what do you think? You think another diagnosis would've fit him better? Meh, probably.

Anyways, thanks for letting me share that. I have a lot more characters I have diagnosis for that I'd love to share one day. That honestly may be sooner rather than later since I've broken the seal lol.

Welp, I've met my yap quota for the day...at about 2 in the morning (as of writing this) lmao. Big preesh for getting this far. Remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

**This was written for funsies, strictly for funsies, and only for funsies. This is not meant to be taken seriously or as fact**

[ranfordgallus]

I think i remember the sole reason of creating a tumblr account was to do ask blogs of like characters answering questions like that, cuz like i ALWAYS wanted to do those ask blogs ever since i watched other fandoms do it on youtube compilations and dubs but i was too scared to go to tumblr because...well i wasnt used to it

God i remember being so desperate for people to ask me questions to the kratt brothers and I'd tweak out whenever someone gives me a question on my ask blog...life ist gut

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

hey tweam, i know it's a bummer but it's time for a pinned announcement post due to the insane amount of hate messages i am receiving daily regarding natalie. if you're a normal, decent person, feel free to scroll past, disregard, and tumblr on…

RE: NATALIE AND EVAN

since some of you non-tweam members like to thrust your ugliest inner musings anonymously into my ask box and seem to think that's okay, let me make one thing clear: i don't tolerate hate. and i won't tolerate unfair criticism and negativity towards natalie, because up to this point, not one of you have brought forth a legitimate critique. no, natalie posting evan on instagram, going with him to events, just publicly existing as a couple.. is NOT ''using him for fame''. that's called being his girlfriend, and those are all normal things for couples to do. you wanting evan to either not date at all, or do so in utter secrecy to protect your jealous heart is NOT a legitimate reason to dislike natalie. if she does something problematic, then yes, you have every right to voice your feelings and i would absolutely allow that (civil) conversation - until then, i suggest that you print your message out on the thickest, roughest card stock you can find at your local office depot, wipe your ass with it, and then throw it in the trash where it belongs as i won't be entertaining you.

i remember all too well the slippery slope with frances, and the way people justified terrible behavior towards that woman by pointing to perceived ''wrongs'' that apparently meant it was okay to bully her, not just on here, but on her own social media. was there some fair, due criticism somewhere underneath all of that? absolutely, but it was never truly about that. some ''fans'' simply want evan to date villainous women so that they can ''legitimately'' hate on them without being called a hater - and if the woman isn't an actual villain, they will create a narrative that paints her as one. that's why they have all this smoke for fran, haley lu, now natalie.. but it's crickets for emma, who is well-known for being awful. even gftwd, who would've told you frances was satan incarnate, defended emvan. why? because deep down, they like evan with emma because she's an overtly bad person and they could hate her freely if emvan got back together. oh, they'd change their tunes quick.. but they aren't together, so they focus elsewhere. yet fran, whose worst offense was being an internet troll and edgelord, had multiple hate blogs, discord servers, instagram accounts, etc. all dedicated to tearing her down and actively encouraging other people to join in. and that's exactly what some of you unstable weirdos are preparing to do to natalie, which i can't stop you from doing - hell, rosa already posted the address to a place natalie was staying and endangered her safety and potentially evan's. once you cross a certain line, good luck going back. some of you never learn.

we're all here because we are fans of evan, not fans of the women he dates. you are not obligated to like natalie and talk about her, not with me or anyone else. in fact, i encourage discussion that deviates from the relationship chat and my hope is that as evan and natalie settle into a long-term relationship, a sense of normalcy can begin to form where people do not feel so tense about something that really should not be our concern. it can be background noise. if he's happy, she's not causing problems, and they appear to have a healthy union.. what's there to hate? we're here to support the man, not tear him down. this is a major reason for the disdain i have for the tarot blog(s) currently running - your sole purpose for being on this app and engaging in fandom should not be to incessantly, repeatedly, multiple times a day be putting out undeserved negative commentary about evan, his relationship, and the woman he is dating. how would YOU feel if, completely unprompted by any controversy, someone decided they were going to make it their job to obsessively post negative things about YOUR relationship? hell, at least be fair! if any of you just need an outlet, idk, maybe start shit talking the woman evan dated for nearly a decade who has shown herself to be a literal demon instead lmfao at least she is deserving of your ire. i understand that this is a gossip and discussion blog, and by default, it can turn intrusive in nature. but it does not have to be negative in nature.

again.. can you imagine if you were just minding your own business, living life, dating someone.. and a stranger who has no reason to speak out against you decides to take offense to another person calling you gorgeous, to the point they have to log onto tumblr and anonymously message a blog to announce that they think it's ridiculous someone has called you attractive.. oh, and by the way, your current boyfriend's ex? now, SHE'S gorgeous! not you though, you're mid. yeah, i'm pretty sure you would realize real quick just how fucking uncouth that message was.

anyway, if this miserable behavior happens to be your jam, your IP address will be blocked from sending me messages and any that i do receive will be promptly deleted unless it's juicy enough that i will derive pleasure from roasting your ignorant ass.

to all the truly funny, kind-hearted, intelligent folks who frequent this blog and brighten my day with your messages and discussions.. love ya.

[neptunescore]

do you also call it max for the things he’s done or is that only reserved for lando?

(no hate just asking)

Hi, the reason I don't have any posts calling out max or other drivers is solely bc since I've started this blog they haven't done anything that needs calling out, and I've never gotten an ask regarding it to post abt it. I've brought up actions of a few other drivers beside lando, but he really takes the cake with the amount of stuff he's done since I started posting :]

And to just add to this, if Carlos/ Max / Charles or ANY of my other fave drivers do do something, then I WILL post abt it, no matter if they're faves or not! I've already expressed my disappointment on the fact that most drivers (them included) have chosen to stay silent abt palestine and not create awareness.

Also, the only controversial thing I can think of Max doing was when he called Lance that slur (Mo*gol) 3 years ago. Honestly, I remember listening to that radio and feeling disgusted about the fact that word even left his mouth, and to this day, I still feel irritated with him about that. The thing is, though, that this man acknowledged what he said and im pretty sure he posted an apology abt it (doesn't fix anything but ull see the point I'm tryna make) and from what ive seen he hasn't used that word since then (obv i have no clue if he acc has or hasnt in his personal life tho). my personal problem with Lando is that he WONT acknowledge all these harmful things he's doing and he just goes abt normally after them.

Anyway nonnie, I hope that answered ur question!!! <3

[shellxrls]

babe r u okay we haven’t seen you for ages :/

SORRY NONNIE. i feel like i shld do a clarification post cuz i've gotten a few asks and i feel kinda bad for leaving u guys in the dark 😭. i've just been putting this off cuz i've been tired and stressed coupled with other reasons (that i'll explain) that make me not want to publicly interact on this blog:

recently i've noticed such a large uprise in hate on this app (ranging from pro-israel/anti-palestine posts to mutuals outside of my fandoms being called aggressive slurs to ppl within the obx fandom consistently expressing opinions of dislike and resentment to authors for simply writing what they want) - also largely made up of anon asks with the foundation of racial or sexuality based hate (which i won't go into depth ab but ppl definitely pick and choose who to send hate to based on those factors - pisses me the fuck off more than anything bcuz i don't come on this app to be bombarded with racism and reminders of my racial perception in this world, regardless of whether its directed at me or mutuals).

another thing, (which ik has been said forever but continues to remain important), the lack of support and interaction for/with writers on this app is definitely very discouraging. i no longer feel supported by the community i've created and the truth is i need that interaction to keep writing and engage my motivation otherwise i feel like what i'm doing on this app is pointless.

no one logs onto this app to listen to me rant ab personal issues, and so i wont' go into extensive detail - but i've consistently used tumblr to escape my personal life, and the burdens and stress that come with. ofc i'm a writer, but wayyy beyond that this is intended to be my safe space where i can enjoy and simply be myself and let go of personal stress as well as interact happily w like-minded ppl. due to this, i've made an effort to take time out of my own life and duties to write and to interact because of the community. recently however i find myself more and more anxious to even open the app and look at my notifs, and whenever i do open the app i make myself feel bad by comparing myself to other writers - which is completely normal occasionally, but at this point its not as easy to shake considering all the factors listed above. its unfortunate to say but it simply hasn't felt worth it to be on this app and interact for while now for me.

before anyone says i'm being too sensitive or its my sole purpose to write - pls remember that this is entirely my blog, i can choose what my motivations are for being on this app and its not a stretch to kindly ask for more in terms of stopping hate and simply being more supportive if u do genuinely like an author and their works.

ultimately i've been both a fan/reader and a writer on this app for multiple years atp, i can understand both perspectives but i've honestly never felt this disconnected and upset ab a blog before. I understand that not everyone is to blame, and i'm sorry to those who've been kind & active supporters, but my public interactions have been limited and may continue to be bcuz i feel v unsure & stagnant atm.

the only 'exception' to this is my mutuals, i love them all obv and their works, & so i'm continuing to interact w them as per normal, and so i am active on the app & i'm definitely not entirely gone by any means. if anything i just need a few more days to reconsider, but we'll see.

[solardrake]

There was a post on here a while back which described navigating social spaces while Autistic like trying to walk through a minefield. One wrong move and, well, you blow up. blowing up hurts, so you create systems, rules, you try and find a rhyme or reason as to how the explosives are laid out so that you might make it through unscathed. I've come to know this as "Masking".

There's a moment where every autistic realizes that they are different, because they step on a mine that, to an allistic, isn't even there. It's a crushing weight to know that there is a seemingly invisible force that will hurt them again and again unless they hide who they are (begin to mask) and try to forge a path. For me it was middle school when I learned this; when I realized I didn't truly have any friends because public school is cruel and othering. So, I changed how I spoke, learned how to tell jokes, developed hobbies that would make me more likable (which is how I started art) until, finally, 8 years later It seemed like I was on the other of the field: I had finally made it.

That all shattered in an instant, in 2021, a decisive step ended with a fireball so large fragments of me are still being found in the field. So, hurt and stricken with the loss of acceptance that I so briefly had, I did the other option that post talked about: I stayed still. Just..didn't move, because if I did I risked being hurt again. New year's 2022 I had moved up north, but still I remained where I was. 2023 came and began to pass, and instead of keeping pace I watched as it sped by.

To put it bluntly, I was burnt out both socially and in my art, full of resentment for what hurt me and shame for not being able to mask as effectively; that version of me had died in the explosion. All these terrible feelings reached a boil when my shame and resentment towards myself was inadvertently aimed towards someone I loved. In that moment I saw that I was rotting...

And I saw how empty I was.

So much of myself previously was dedicated solely to masking in an attempt to fit in, that when fitting in became no longer an option that huge part of myself became void of purpose, and so that part of me itself became a void.

I don't really remember the months after that, but in October I had gotten my hands on a book: "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price. The introduction to that book was like an electric shock to my heart, revitalizing me and reversing the decay- his and other autistic folk's experiences described in the book was so alike mine that I suddenly understood my emptiness and was aware of the fractured mask hanging from my face. Armed with knowledge of my ailment the author then gave me a path out of the minefield...back from whence I came. Retrace my steps. Understand previous blunders, forgive myself for them, and exit the field to forge my own way to live and navigate life freely without fear of being reduced to bits.

I will struggle to post this, I know I will. Part of me masking, one of my guiding rules through the mines was to *never* make sincere personal posts because "sincerity from someone you follow who's not known for it is uncomfortable" (getting into the why of this is a whole other can of worms). But I will do it anyways, because the time for me being avoidant of my feelings are over.

In 2024, I will be fully embracing my autism. I don't know what i'll look like without the mask- I probably still haven't gotten rid of it fully- But I will be more genuine...probably uncomfortably so, My blog will be more self-serving (and probably my art too once I detangle my worth as an artist from how "good" it looks), I'll reblog cringy fandom stuff and say weird things and blog at length about how much I love airplanes and large industrial systems and freak furry things. I will be deadpan and monotone and just be so unapologetically autistic, because then i'll truly be me. ok bye bye

[ureyesonly]

♡ Tips To Make Social Media Fun Again ♡

✮⋆˙ A follow up of this post ✮⋆˙

♡ Unfollow & Remove

I get it, it's easy to feel guilty about unfollowing and removing someone from your account when they haven't done anything necessarily wrong. If you are consistently skipping someone's posts or even go so far as to mute their entire account it's time to let them go. Do it! They most likely won't notice or care and you will feel free, I promise. I went from almost 900 followers on Instagram to 63 and I have never felt better.

♡ Go Private

Make your account private to avoid wandering eyes. Think of how many times you have stalked someone's account because of enticing drama you heard from a friend. Now think of how many people have done that to you. It feels weird, right? Controlling who has access to you makes posting on social media much less suffocating. Evil eye is real. Beware!

♡ Curate Who You Follow

Don't follow the people that make you feel the why not me's and start following creatives. Following influencers who have the things you want sounds alluring until you're having a bad day. What you surround yourself with is what creates your perception so find accounts that make you feel inspired, motivated, happy.

Some examples of the type of content that may resonate with you:

♡ Art

♡ Writing / Poetry

♡ Self Help

♡ Fitness

♡ Post Your Niche

It sounds daunting because having a niche seems like a thing only really put together people have. It's not! A niche is whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you want to keep posting. Is your niche something that is popular with the majority? Probably not, and that's okay. This blog's aesthetic is 2000's emo/scene/mcbling/y2k. These aesthetics absolutely don't connect with the majority like the Lana clean girl aesthetic that's popular right now, but it's what makes M and I happy. Having a unique niche makes it so much more rewarding when like-minded accounts like your content. Don't post what garners the most engagement, post what you like.

♡ Do Not Disturb ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

After you post put your phone on DND and throw it as far away from you as possible. It sounds like a joke but I'm being serious <( °^° )> Sitting on your phone waiting for likes and comments is anxiety inducing for everyone so it's best to go find something else to do while you wait. While I wait I read, watch a show, play a game, clean. Do what your heart desires in the moment to get your mind off of it.

♡ Interact

Like, comment, share! I'm not sure when it became uncool to interact with people you don't know. I fell into that trap and didn't realize until I started these tips myself. Who cares if people you know see you interacting with others? They are not responsible for what makes you feel passion and excitement. Interacting with others is the sole reason for social media to exist so reap the benefits and create a community you enjoy.

♡ Fulfill Yourself Outside Of the Internet

This is easier said than done and I can admit it is the hardest to do. However, that is not to deter you from doing it! If your life is consumed by social media it becomes mundane. You have seen it all and now you're just waiting around for the next viral thing to happen. Find something you like doing outside of being online and coming back to your socials becomes so much more fun. Remember, it's a hobby not a lifestyle.

⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰

I have felt suffocated and pressured on social media for years and thought there was no way out of it. These things helped me rediscover how fun social media can be and I hope they do the same for you! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

Good luck!

★star

[pffbts]

Well, it's one of those midnight where I stay awake, blinding my eyes with some contents of the phone that content me, comfort me. And I happened to stumble across your works, no scratch that, they aren't mere works anymore. Im not here to disturb you or distract you. I'm well aware of the goodbye that you bid to us. But...I don't know, I feel so connected with your words? Connected with the way you wrote? I know I'm blabbering, but I don't know, something in me said that I should definitely write this for you. I'm just thankful for whatever you left here for us, im thankful that I found you, your blog. Something about your whole blog is delicate, comforting, welcoming. And I happened to need that to fill my heart with some sort of reassurance even though I have this accompanied bittersweet feeling. I'm just truly, truly, grateful for the miracles you wrote. I was honestly crying, it made me feel better. I don't know how to evince this huge reverence I suddenly got over you.

But I'm just, thankful. So,so, thankful.

(this is a long reply, i'm extremely sorry)

“I don’t know how to evince this huge reverence I suddenly got over you.”

at 8 in the morning when you wake up, after the glaring indian sun hits your face and you read such words woven together into such a string of emotions, to be fair, what did i even expect to feel other than bittersweet happiness and a bit flabbergasted?

i wish there were words more meaningful than the boring ‘thank you(s)' because truly, you’ve left me speechless. all i can say is that my imperfect heart receives your praises and thoughts with all the warmth in the world and i hope even the lil bit of that warmth traverses through all the time zones that divide us against our wishes and gives you strength to carry on with your life, @tannedami.

regardless of my absence, i still want my blog to be one of the many corners for a breath of relief for all of you. this was once my escape, i'm grateful that the place i escaped to, a home i built amidst all my griefs became a shade under which you all take a breather from the glaring sun that represents each and every one of your lives.

it was the sole reason i left my blog untouched. i deleted not a single one of my letters or fics. i kept them all, even the unfinished and imperfect ones. my only hope was that in my farewell in every sense, a piece of me will always stay on the internet to give you all solace. in a world that flows parallel to yours, mine and all of the others, i hope my words move close to your home just to feel the air that surrounds you. in that world, my words carry all your griefs and your shortcomings like wearing rings that have all of your's names engraved on the insides.

[ID: “Even without knowing each other’s stories, we create moments of love that bridge the gap.”]

thank you for making me remembered as someone whom you pass by once in a while when you’re walking back home and that will always be enough.

this ask of yours reminded me a lot of some of those memorable asks from the past in this blog. an anon once wanted to write down the 2-part dad!hobi fic i wrote once as requested by them (tbh i found it a bit silly but at the same time quite endearing), another once sent me a dm about how they have screenshotted a letter they requested once during my talk to bangtan requests and now or then they would go back and read it for comfort. i also remember someone a year or two ago said how i almost saved their life during a low moment of their life and i still cannot for the life of me comprehend all these affections that i once and still now get from readers like you who take strolls through my little humble blog. you all should know that as much as you guys tell me how much i comfort you, these words from you all give me the strength to push the stubborn boulders that stand in my wretched life's road and keep walking on. life will keep happening and i will fight on as much as i can. i might always still wish i didn’t stay to see the new morning of the next day, but i want to keep myself going till there’s nothing left of me.

and, you and everyone must do the same. you have to. after all, there must be a reason why we were born into this damned world, right? even in passing, we must live a little in the minds of humans around us (and if you are lucky enough to have a pet, your existence is a miracle to them. trust me.)

i don’t know much about the reverence you talk about, Ami, perhaps it’s simply your emotions that has been catalyzed by my works. but really, i don’t feel myself to be deserving of any of it (this is my self-conscious, self-loathing persona talking, don’t mind her). i wish you a healthy life above anything. happiness will come and go but life will keep going on in various different shapes. we simply have to fit in. so be well because you will need a lot of strength for that, Ami.

sending all my love.

―K

[aruz11]

This is the first post

Topics to be covered on this blog:  

1.Reviews of my past videos posted on YouTube  

2.Interesting topics related to Final Fantasy series and Kingdom Hearts series  

3.Introductions to music videos that I find exceptional

For this post, I would like to focus on my activities in creating music videos for Final Fantasy X.

Activities on Youtube

First of all, I tell you what kind of activities I do on Youtube. I've been posting music videos using FFX sources on Youtube since 2008. I create music videos in a style that includes lines that go with the music, and visual effects that match the melody. It's difficult to pinpoint the genre of my videos, but I think it's a remix that combines AMV/GMV and YTPMV/otomad. I only post 2-3 times a year, which is not very often. Also, although I have been active for over 15 years, I don't have many video views and subscribers. Still, I have no regrets about my activities. I feel happy that I have continued this far.

The reason that I chose FFX

Actually, before I started my activities on YouTube, I used to make GMVs (Game Music Videos) for the Kingdom Hearts series and posted them on AMV/GMV forums. And I had the idea to try posting them on YouTube as well. However, due to the strict copyright issues surrounding the Kingdom Hearts series and the high risk of deletion, I had to give up on that. Nevertheless, my desire to do something on YouTube persisted. so I decided to try making music videos outside of the KH series. That's when I turned to FFX. There were two main reasons for this choice. First, FFX was a game that held a special place in my heart, so much so that I had always wanted to make music videos for it someday. I remember encountering this game during a difficult time in my teenage years, and its wonderful story touched my heart, making me feel like it saved my life. The second reason was that I already had visual and voice clip data from FFX, so there was no need for material gathering.

About song choice

I have used songs from the Touhou series, FF series, Nintendo games, KH series, etc.In the early days of my activities (2008-2010), I used to decide which songs to use based on intuition. I didn't consider whether the songs matched the atmosphere of FFX. If I felt like using a particular song, I immediately used to start production. However, from 2011 onwards,  I gradually began selecting songs that better matched the serious and somewhat dark atmosphere of FFX. As I mentioned earlier, since I originally made GMVs,  I always emphasized the compatibility between visuals and music. Therefore, I believe the atmosphere of my videos tends to be more serious and somewhat heavy.

Things I prioritize in video creation

Before starting the video production, I first think about a clear concept that I want to express in the video.  In the past, I used to focus solely on creating rhythmic videos  by overlaying dialogue on the music without considering a concept. While I think that approach had its good points, I came to realize that to capture the charm of FFX's story and characters, it's better to imbue the video with some kind of concept. Therefore, I thoroughly consider what the theme of my video should be based on the story of FFX. Additionally, it's important for me to make videos when I want to without forcing myself. It might sound obvious, but I believe that being able to do this has allowed me to continue for over 15 years.

Answers to questions from comments on my previous videos

I. Favorite Character in FFX

Jecht. Although there are various opinions on how he interacts with Tidus, I think he is a character with strong resolve.

II.Favorite Scene in FFX

The scene in the Thunder Plains where Rikku screams and makes strange movements. It’s a comical scene, but during my first playing,  I thought Rikku might have been possessed and would turn against the party.

III.Favorite BGM in FFX

1.Otherworld

2.A Fleeting Dream

3.Challenge

IV.What software do you use?

Audio:Reaper

Visual:After Effects

However, I used to use Vegas for creating visuals in the past.

V.How long does it take to make a video?

It depends on the length of the video, but if I devote myself fully to it, I think I can finish in 2 to 4 weeks. However, since I can't always dedicate that much time,  my posting frequency naturally decreases.

VI.Do you have any videos you refer to when making your videos?

There's nothing specific, but I often check movie trailers and the opening sequences of anime and games.

VII.Will you collaborate with other creators?

I can't because I don't have the time...

VIII. Will you make music videos for anything other than FFX?

As long as I'm active as Aruz11 on YouTube, I won't.

That's all for now. Thank you for visiting. See you next time.

[meraki-yao]

thank you so much for your reply <3 i think grief is a good word to describe what i'm feeling. it might sound silly to some but the book has been one of my favourites since 2019 and the 'what could have been?' aspect of the movie's promotion devastates me bc the crew and the fans deserved more. i think im also a bit terrified of ppl moving on from rwrb to nick's other projects meanwhile i can't (and don't want to) do it, ugh it's just a mess of weird feelings and sadness and longing for something we've never had. not to mention how some people already talk about his new projects being upgrades from rwrb. that hurts me on so many levels bc henry is a complex and beautiful character, rwrb is a wonderful story and i genuinely think that even with all the changes they created something amazing.

Glad I could help <3

It's not silly at all. I'm in a similar position: if you've followed my blog you might have seen this but long story short my irl life is a bit fucked up and I was really, really depressed. (still kinda am) July and August, waiting and watching RWRB release became the happiest I've been since January 2022, and in the following months RWRB and the fandom (well, and my sister) nearly became my sole reason for hanging on. So trust me when I say I get the feeling.

I understand your fear, and I'd be lying if I say I wasn't afraid that the rwrb tag will be full of George instead of Alex and Henry, but please remember that liking something new doesn't necessarily always lead to leaving the previous fandom: I know for a fact that me and a couple of my mutuals are going do both. We're gonna be happy to watch M&G (personally not interested in the idea of you but the same applies) but we're still going to make RWRB content. M&G will be a great show but it won't have nearly the same emotional weight to me as RWRB. It's been five months, so those of us who hang around and are active are active for a good reason.

As for the comments about "upgrade", that's ridiculous and a very surface-level assessment. One of my best friends is studying to become an actress and we talk about acting often. Here's the thing: there isn't a thing called "easy" acting. Every genre of acting has its own challenges: for comedy many times you need to sacrifice your personal dignity; Sci-fi blockbusters you need to interact with nothing and make it look believable; even for things like kid shows you need to be hyperactive so the kids can focus and find it entertaining, which can be so draining. M&G is a historical thriller, TIOY is a romance, and RWRB is a rom-com. These are three different film genres, and each set out to achieve different things. For example in terms of relationships: TIOY needs to make the romance believable, RWRB needs to make the romance believe, funny, and be a fair representation of a queer relationship, and for M&G if history serves there's no "true love" relationship at all. You're right: Henry's a complex and beautiful character, and Nick clearly put all his heart into him. But you cannot take Henry's layers of grief, love, fear, and self-esteem, and say it is lesser than Geroge's cold ambition. Funnily enough, while Henry is so careful with his power as the prince, George rose to the same if not a higher level of power and abused it so badly, that it caused his assassination and downfall. A well-written character is ultimately, a human being, and there isn't truly a human being who's "easy to be". So don't listen to those haters.

I'm all ears if you still want to talk <3

[myobsessionsspace]

[PART 2] 10 Years with BTS & ARMY. The Evolution & Reality of the relationship between BTS, ARMY, The General Public and The Company

Pre-Debut BTS:

Before they debuted there was no such thing as ARMY there was just a group of trainees who had been selected through a rigorous ‘bootcamp’ like system to form a group and debut to the General Public (I’ll now be referring to them as GP). 

Before the group debuted they would film mini logs giving updates on their time and any thoughts they had, song recommendations etc. This was, I believe, along with SUGA’s Sight, the members casual blogging and later on their fan-cafe and the members shared ‘personal’ twitter, their way of creating a ‘parasocial relationship’. *I may have missed things, the aforementioned is not an exhaustive list, just from my memory.*

This was how they started connecting with their fans on a ‘personal level’ how they keep their fans updated on schedules outside of ‘official promotions’ and press releases and how they started the collective, that would later go on to be formally named as Adorable Representative, MC for Youth aka ARMY.

What is important to realise is NONE of the above was the sole responsibility of the group. From the moment they joined their agency the members were in essence ‘wards of the company’, some of the members were literal minors not under the care of their parents. It was the company’s responsibility to feed, clothe and house them. It was the company’s responsibility to make sure they went to school, they went to their practices, they had health checks etc. 

The members lived with their managers who in essence were their surrogate parents. If they needed anything, from a new pair of glasses to a ride to practice, it was their managers responsibility, managers who were the company’s staff, on the company’s payroll, managers who for any reason could be reassigned at the drop of a hat.

We have to remember that not only were the managers the members parental figures, they were also their ever present link to the company. They were the ones that took them everywhere, even Jimi has mentioned he was with his manager one time when he decided he wanted a piercing then they went to get one. Jungkook was also with his manager when he went to get his tattoos during the group’s 2019 ‘break’. I say ‘break’ because is it ever really a break if your company manager is still with you? I’ll talk about their 2019 break and all that I have on my chest about that in another post, because this is already going to be long and adding that here would take this to a WHOLE ‘nother level.

In regards to the managers, it is them that would be with the members from wake to sleep, who would give them their schedules for the day, who would go with them to any ‘off schedule’ activity and ‘on schedule activity’ apart from other members and trainees, it would be safe to assume that they would be the ‘closet’ with the members. 

What’s sad about this is though they would be the closet with the members and in essence a parental figure, they would see the members have to do gruelling schedules, have minimal sleep or food and would still have to wake them with an agenda for all they would have to do for they following day. Whereas if it was any other parent, you would want to give your child a day off or cancel any plans. Their managers would not be able to do this, as they were at the core, the company’s employees and representatives. Putting the members needs before the company could at any point mean reassignment or being seen as not being able to fufill your duties as required so in worse case could lead to termination. 

Keeping this is mind the members literally had no one but each other, their family and whatever genuine friendships they were able to maintain pre-debut. I specifically mean pre-debut because the friendships mad post-debut will always be different due to the time they would have been able to form and develop these friendships and the depths of the friendships with everything they went though during training and after. Any friends made during training would have always had the taint of competition behind it. 

Like Jimin said in an interview, j-hope was the one who picked him up from the station when he first came to Seoul from Busan for training, Jimin assumed he was a manager, as it was usually the managers who would do things like this. Jimin said that j-hope and him hit it off and dicussed their mutual love of dance. However they then did not closely interact on a friendship level for 6 months. This was because, jokingly explained by them, they were competing trainees, who had yet to be chosen for a group, who had daily, weekly and monthly evaluations, where they could be kicked out of the trainee program with the company and sent back home, away from Seoul to their home towns. Jimin was the last to join the trainees and so many of them if they had formed different levels of bonds, if they had formed bond at all.  

There are soo many dynamics to focus on if we are to focus on each individual member and their trainee days, which went to who they because in the group and how they have evolved from it. I think I will also cover that later. 

I talk about managers and some of their trainee days to give context to how much autonomy the members had. Some former and current idols will tell you that some of them were not allowed mobile phone or if they were, they were only allowed it for set times and it was otherwise in their managers possession. The Tannies themselves have talked about the fact that the rapline, in particular RM and SUGA in the beginning had computers and studios, because they contributed to writing and production. So it was their studios that they filmed a lot of their pre & post debut logs, where they listened and learned music together and where they watched content that could cause viruses, if you know, you know! loooool!

https://youtu.be/Ay2LSBrJcME

This again all gives context to all that I mentioned about the early stages of creating the relationship between BTS and ARMY. With a critical mind do you believe that anything that was posted in the logs, in their fan cafes, on their web blogs and on their twitter, never went past the eyes of if not first and foremost their managers, who were nearly always by their sides, their group leader, who second to the managers acted as the head of the group, the link between the company and the group or any of the company moderators of the sites and applications used. 

https://aminoapps.com/c/btsarmy/page/blog/about-bts-managers/xpjw_WpXh2uWMd0xlQwZpwm5PZPvYqRGbXq

*ignore the additional commentary of the original poster, the link is just to help add to the number of managers BTS had then, I do not have a credible reference for their current managers as of 2023*

In the beginning Big Hit WAS a small company. It is TRUE the company faced A LOT of hardships, near bankruptcy etc. BUT Big Hit started with connections. It started with Bang Sihyuk who worked for years with a Park JinYoung professionally known as JYP of JYP Entertainment, one of the Big Three Entertainment agencies of S.Korea. Bang Sihyuk was not a small fish in the entertainment industry before he started Big Hit and did not start with just himself, a dream and a prayer. They had staff. It was easier AND harder to do things then as the small company they were and it is easier AND harder to do things as the BIG conglomerate they are now. 

Remember the stories we thought were so cute of RM and V going to get ice-cream and having to hide the ice-creams in their pockets when they saw their managers in a car driving past them. Think of that more than what it is, they were trainees or newly debuted performers having to hide their *ice-cream* from their managers in their pockets. It stuck with them as a memory a. Because of how funny it was but b. Because of how annoying it was to ruin their ice-cream and clothes and  waste their hard earned money and hard sought free time for nothing. 

Other anecdotes they have said in the past such as when SUGA was sick so was allowed to order Jjajangmyeon, which RM sneakily ate also come to mind. Again because they had been on rigorous diets and scheduled and it was due to his sickness at the time that SUGA was ‘allowed’ this comfort food and RM, unable to control himself ate his sick band members food. This wasn’t something I believe done out of spite or maliciousness, but a young man, in a moment of loss of self control, under the conditions he was under, with his favourite food right in front of him. I too have laughed anytime they have mentioned this story, or Jin & V talking about the plained boiled chicken breast days, but it also hurts my heart for what they and all trainees have experienced as young boys and girls and young men and women. 

Everything they have done from the moment they joined their company has been monitored and controlled to varying degrees. Them moving from fancafe to vlive to weverse all decided by their company first and then dictated on how and when they can use it. The members only this year 2023 found out the could start the lives themselves at any given time without the help of staff and some more than others have been taking full advantage of this new found fact...I'm looking at you Jeon Jung Kook, yes you, and you Kim Taehyung! the Kings of the late night night/early morning lives and the shortest lives, lol!

How showing is it, that it was only after being less active on twitter they moved to instagram. How much more easy is it to sponsor content on instagram than twitter? How much easier is it to curate what you see and leave the negativity behind. What was it about twitter that no longer served its purpose for the members and their relationship with ARMY. Why is it that Jimin was the least active on twitter after being the most active, then became the least active on instagram until solo promotions and even then it is sparse. 

How was it that JK changed from having his IG content be random, to being just about him, to deleting it altogether. Now both Jimin & JK are only active on weverse and very active indeed, but in bursts. 

My belief is that Weverse being a company platform, that can be moderated effectively with both their interest and the company’s interest in mind. They can get the free feeling of interacting with their fans but still the security afforded to solely them as Hybe’s financial interests. They can post pictures, stories, lives and everything they can do on all the other apps but with people that have specifically signed up for the application for them and them only, giving a feeling of community but again with the ‘protection’ not afforded on apps such as twitter & Instagram.

All of this is what adds to the relationship between ARMY & BTS. 

What ARMY fail to realise and I think it would be more healthy for them TO realise this. Is that though they give the Tannies comfort as the people that have seen them grow, cheer for them at their performances and shows, write them letters, give them gifts, buy and listen to their music, talk to them on their platforms, watch their content etc. ARMY are a collective not an individual. ARMY are seen by the Tannies as a collective, not an individual. They say ARMY as the collective that have cheered for them from the beginning, gone to their shows, listened to their music etc. However ARMY are made up of people who may have only discovered them a year ago or 10 years ago, who may have bought one album or every single item ever produced and attached to BTS. They see ARMY as those who have signed up for ARMY membership year in year out or as the one who couldn’t afford their paid YouTube series but watched whatever was free. No ARMY to them is a better ARMY than another because they are not seeing ARMY for the individual things, but the constant companion along their ride with them.

I’ll continue in the third and final part here

[glamourgoreandmuchmore]

welcome to the blog! here’s a little about the blog and it’s author! 💋

hey guys! i’m beyond delighted to welcome you to my blog, i’m looking forward to showing you all the future content i have in store.

the blog

the title explains a lot for me here!

if google has the answer to everything, why am i always struggling to find exactly what i want? maybe i’m looking for a very specific book recommendation, a time stamp in a real housewives of beverly hills episodes, and often times, i’m trying to find factual and fun news, not competitive, untrue and boring news.

this blog is my way of sharing my expertise knowledge on all the random topics that have piqued my interest over the last few years, my experience through teenage years leading into early adulthood, books, shows and movies that you all need to experience one time in your life to consider it a life well lived.

i look forward to giving advice, sharing my own experiences to help you lot learn from my mistakes and straight up embarrassing moments.

the title of the blog highlights the basis of the blog, glamour being all things pretty, pink and reality tv in life. ( get ready for a lot of real housewives drama ) i plan to tell all my self learnt tips when it comes to travelling, boyfriends, girlfriends, school work, parents ( ugh ) and everything in between. think of me as a fairy godmother sent with the sole purpose of helping you all through your problems and even non problems

the gore, i do have to admit i chose the word gore simply because it created a catchy title, but that doesn’t mean i won’t include it. the gore i speak of in the title is what i played on in my intro, here i plan to keep all of my lovely readers updated with the current factual news, typically crime and court news ( you’ll see why in my about me section further down ) i aim to keep everyone updated on the current and important news, making sure that everything on this blog is 100% factual and as helpful as it can be

the much more, as i mentioned earlier, my life experiences and interests through the years have left me with valuable experience in many ways, socially, intellectually and especially emotionally, if i do say so myself, i would have to toot my own horn and say that i am a master of emotions, i aim to teach you all the ways i have learnt to process emotion and how to use it in the right way to benefit you. here i also intent to give advice, tell my stories, answer questions and most importantly, recommend.

about the author

so, about me, i’m a 20 year old woman studying at university, my course links closely with court and crime ( i’m sure you can take a guess of what it is ) so that explains my gore section of this blog.

although i am 20, i have lived a life full of experiences and lessons, this is part of the reason i started this blog in fact. you will learn a lot more about me through the blog, through my stories and advice.

music, animals, nature, friends and family ( more importantly, friends who are family ) are the key factors in my life, they’re all i need to maintain my positive and healthy outlook on life. i wasn’t always this way, i have grown and taught myself how to see the world in a better light, and how to look for the positive parts in my day, i’m beyond excited to share this with you guys and hopefully help some of you out too. i’ll leave my about me at that so you guys can learn as you read,

thanks for sticking with me

thank you for reading this post, it really does mean a lot!

remember this is my blog, but it is all about you guys, please don’t hesitate to message me about posts you’d like to see, stories you’d like to hear, problems you have that you’d like me to give advice on ( everything’s anonymous don’t you worry )

i’m looking at putting together a form that you guys can submit your problems to, i plan to post one advice post per week! looking forward to talking to you guys

- 💋

[mercurial-thrills]

What The Social Dilemma Taught Me About Social Media Habits

Reposting this despite being a writing blog because I think it's still so important. Written before X changed its name.

I have never been one to use social media to a huge extent.

Maybe I played online games when I was younger, to an obsessive point. Maybe I looked on the computer often and obsessively watched videos of my interests on Youtube. I went on Wattpad often and other sites people would not consider "typical" social media. It's how I got my daily dose of social interaction and joy from my interests. 

In general, I have never been one to use social media in an intense way. It started at the same time as the pandemic, when the world brought more free time to the population of non-essential workers and students working from home.

I became more obsessed with it, not in the typical way of the amount of likes my tweets received. In a way where I would constantly look at what was being said about my favourite creators. I would watch people who criticized them as well as those who insulted them. I excessively checked certain Twitter accounts as well as forums criticizing people, which brought me temporary joy in the months of November and December. I wanted to get my happiness fix somehow.

Then, I watched The Social Dilemma in class. This documentary, probably put on by the teacher to convince us to use our phones less, changed my entire thoughts on social media and the role it should play in my life.

I remember talking to the teacher about my thoughts on the documentary, and the specifics of what my social media knows about me. As well, I explained how when I installed Pinterest onto my phone, it gave me recommendations for pins relating to blonde hair, blue eyes, brown hair, and green eyes. I

First and foremost, I learned I no longer wanted to socialize with others through social media. I already had ways to communicate with other people. Talking on the phone, texting, and using instant messaging platforms like Discord are some ways to stay connected to others without social media. In fact, they are preferable if a user does not want to reap the harmful effects of social media. 

Another aspect is how it made me recognize my role in this generation as being part of a statistic. The documentary, near the beginning, stated students were getting their driver's licenses at later dates. I take this with a grain of salt, as many avid social media users are getting their driver's license as soon as they can. I have reasons as to why I have not received a driver’s license, especially in this time of pandemic. However, it reminds me of the different milestones I may not meet as a teenager if I let my social media habits consume me. 

In the end, the documentary reminded me of how I needed to spend my time on social media sparingly. I saw the impacts it had on my life. I saw how it impacted my procrastination. Though any kind of blockages towards doing non-Internet activities do not end at the end of social media, it removes most distractions and I can manage the rest. 

The most important aspect of social media is to acknowledge what you require in life. As a student who has been taught how to interact with future employers on social media, I know it can be used for productive purposes. I know as a writer, it may be necessary to create a personal brand and promote your novel as a self-published author. 

It may be the sole place a young student can interact with their friends. They could use Twitter to find relevant information about certain topics. They could use Instagram to help support one of their friends who wants to gain a following on their Youtube channel. The documentary has specifically outlined ways to fight against the harm of social media. 

Overall, the best decision is to listen to different perspectives on social media. Some people may have statements to refute what I’ve said in this blog post. I believe social media can do more harm than good, but it has opened countless opportunities for people to promote their work and create a following for jobs and hobbies.

[nikkiitalks]

The Reason why porn bots follow you

“Oh I got a new follower... oh no, wait, it’s just another fucking porn bot”

 Does this sound familiar? Let’s take a look at this world of annoying porn bots and why they are so prevalent and what’s the point of them? For this post I found an interview of someone who ran some of these bots and explains why it happens, how, and why they probably won’t be going anywhere soon.

The first thing you may be wondering is... what is the point of a porn bot to begin with? The answer... Clicks. They post links, be it to a website full of ads, video or live sex work chat services, products, and on the rare occasion, viruses. Do people actually click the link from the porn blogs? The answer? Yes. Yes they do. Not nearly as much as years past, but they do still click on them and these people are the reason we still see so many bots here, and why we’ll continue to see them. Why do those clicks matter? They make the bot owner money, of course. 

Back in the magical years before people were spammed constantly by bots, actual users of tumblr in their thousands would be driven to these blogs by automatic follows, building up the bots followers and leading to more clicks on the links they’d usually post under their pictures. The owners of these bots usually have several across Tumblr with the entire goal of getting attention. If they follow, like posts and DM users then there is a chance that their profile will be seen and their links will catch someone’s interest.  

“I think I had about 200 tumblrs under my control at the time. I bought a popular bot that was marketed, plugged the account in, and the bot did the rest. It posted, followed, liked and reblogged. I can’t remember the exact number but I followed around 200 blogs a day per account and pretty quickly, and pretty quickly I started seeing activity on my account. At least that the peak I had over 70k followers on my biggest account. Why did I stop doing it? Well it got too crowded. It was good while it lasted.”

This guy didn’t even think he was the biggest bot manager on the platform, either. There’s every chance there was people running thousands of accounts with millions of followers back in the day. We’ve all seen their posts with the links beneath or in a post, but that wasn’t necessarily their main goal back then. Some time ago, Google changed some things to help their search rankings, using how often a specific webpage is mentioned by others to improve their rankings. So, every time someone liked or reblogged a porn bot’s posts it created a new link back to the porn bot manager’s website and thereby boosting their Google search rankings. 

Both Google and Tumblr got smart to this and changed things and now this is no longer the go to for these bot managers. Nowadays it’s all about those links, and the clicks they can get on them and it’s now DMs getting targeted the most, as it’s a much more personal way of interacting with blogs and baiting users for those sweet, sweet clicks. Usually to a porn site filled with ads. 

Why do they want clicks? Moola of course. Those dollar dollar bills. That cold, hard. cash. How they make that green depends on where their links lead back to.

If it’s a porn site just painted with annoying ads, the owner of that site generally makes a cut (talking fractions of a cent) whenever someone visits their shady site. Now take that fraction of a cent and multiply it by thousands of clicks and the bot/site manager could really rake it in. And that’s not even counting if they have pay-to-view content that actually gets paid for. We’re talking porn, cam girls, etc. 

The most surprising were for people who’s goal was to actually start live conversations with people, either directly or through a link to a chat. These people fall in or near the category of romance scammers. Real people on the other side of the chat who’s sole purpose is to get money out of the victim who clicked the link. Often times building trust before they start asking for money. Needing help with rent, food, or even travel expenses to ‘come and see’ their victim. For cons like these, sometimes all it would take would be one click for the scammer to make significant money.

“These conversations were all psychological. We very specifically targeted people who looked like they had money. We didn’t want to hurt anybody or take money from anyone who really needed it. In some ways we were giving people companionship and nudes. The experience felt real. In retrospect, I do feel guilty.” 

The general consensus by those who had been interviewed, was that porn just wasn’t profitable on tumblr anymore and that people are much more educated on bots. So... why doesn’t tumblr just ban them?

Despite the previous porn ban, Many of tumblr’s most popular search terms are sexual, along with many of their most popular Google search terms. Banning the porn bots now that the nudity ban has been lifted, would mean less traffic to the site. Because, despite their annoying  and sometimes dangerous nature, they do bring in traffic, something Tumblr probably desperately needs these days. Bots look like real users to statistics until they’re flagged as bots. 

In my opinion, it’s a mixture of the overwhelming number and speed in which these bots are created, as well as the implied inflation to tumblr usership, is the reason we’re not seeing much done about them. 

If people, like EVERYONE, stopped clicking on their links, they’d probably start to fall off the site, though that seems like an unlikely thing to happen, so I’m not holding my breath any time soon. Keep flagging and keep reporting as much as you can. If you had twitter, tweet at Tumblr staff constantly, until they block you even. If we’re loud enough, maybe they’ll do something. Even if it’s just because we fucking annoyed them into doing it. 

I know it’s tempting just to say fuck it, and ignore them and their follows. I know it SUCKS having to report dozens of them a day, but in the end we’d be doing our part in helping to clean up the platform we all still know and are still attempting to love despite all the BS. Remind your followers NEVER to click a link sent by a blog you’re not 100% is a real person. Remind them often and loudly, because having no one click their links at all, may be the only way to truly get them to stop. 

Love you, Tumblr fam. Stay safe out there.