#but then i had the mean thought of like thats such a trans guy name 🙄 .....ok and? youre literally trans idiot

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[angustully]

i know im touchy about it since im basically fully in the closet but i kinda hate the jokes ppl make about trans guys having stupid names like ahhhh make me feel worse about it all lol thanks so much

[pansyfemme]

jude + he/him + twenty

art account: @fagboyfriend

music recs/indie pop uploads blog: @upforabit

i'm a trans, queer, and disabled art student, diehard indie-popper, colorfreak and amateur tboy appriciator from the east coast. i post about music and comics and art and my boyfriendddddd💖💖💖 and all my other favorite topics with frequency.

testimonals from real life jude pansyfemme friends on why i’m epic and you should follow me:

“jude is one of the sweetest people to ever grace this planet and one sexy motherfucker” - M, jude’s number one coffee shop buddy

“he’s just a little guy” - L, jude tolerator (and fan) since 2022

“you’re legally not allowed to be mean to him” - F, jude’s bestie for life maybe

“1# boyfriend. in the world. 💖” - you can probably guess this one

follow at ur own risk, i do not tag and i reblog nudity, sex jokes, discussions of kink or other things generally considered nsfw <3

putting a short faq under cut bc. i get the same questions a lot. check it before you ask about my icon or header or anything

faq:

Art blog/Commissions? @fagboyfriend is the blog. dm me and i can send you my professional portfolio site/organized portfolio/past commission work if you’re interested in commissions. closed for a little bit since im moving into college atm but still hmu if you have interest in originals ive posted or have a project you dont mind a few months waitlist on <3

How long have you been on T/How long have you been transitioning? I came out at 12 years old, started blockers at 14 and HRT later that same year, and had top surgery at 17, making me 5.5 years on t and 3 years post op, and transitioning/out for about eight years.

What’s your tagging system?/What does this tag mean? #Jude pansyfem irl is for selfies and ootds. #songposting is my now retired method for posting song links. (all new song links are now at @upforabit) #echo is the name of my boyfriend, it’s posts that remind me of him, my interactions with him, etc. (that tag is very lovey-dovey and really just for him to look through) other than that i don’t usually tag. you can expect untagged nudity and sex, at this point you have been warned twice so dont get on my ass about it 👍 my blog my rules

What show/game/comic is your icon from? its a cropped version of the album cover of the 1999 album “shake the pounce” by vancouver based twee pop band Gaze. It’s a favorite album of mine as well as just a cool little guy i like a lot

Where is your header from? a painting i did in gouache a year or two ago and thought would make a nifty header.

How do I refer to you/How do you identify? I’m a queer femme transgender man. I use he/him pronouns and masculine terms. i like many genders, i’m strictly t4t and primarily interested in men though. i enjoy femme/gnc gender presentation, but i do not identify as anything other than a binary ftm transgender person. I do not use they/them and have not at any point in recent history. referring to me as such is misgendering/degendering and will probably get you blocked like any other misgendering.

What compliments are okay? most are okay, masc or fem. so pretty, handsome, all thats good 👍 i am a taken man tho so if you flirt with me hard or dm me looking for pics or something you prob wont get much of a response.

What style are you wearing/where do you get your clothes? I originally identified as a decora boy, but i kinda do my own thing these days. I like bright color and clashing patterns and maximallism. I shop a variety of places, but a lot of my stuff is from Kei Collective and Candy Trap. All of my kandi and most of my jewlery is homemade.

What is Twee/Do you Make Music? Twee is a music genre I developed a special interest in a few years back. It's a style of indie pop that originated after the UK rise of the famous c86 compilation tape in the late eighties, and was developed with a focus on low-fidelity, diy sound combined with upbeat, bubblegum-y pop sentiments and a naive, childlike outlook. It's both cute and somewhat rough around the edges. I do not make music, and don’t hold any musical skill. I’m just a major fan.

Do you have a DNI? I haven't in a long time, due to it being pretty frequently ignored and my following count growing to the point i can't really control that anymore. I can and will block people, but i feel my opinions are made fairly clear through what I post here.

[stormyelliotwritez]

HAIIIIII can i request something heheheh if yes TYSMMMM and my request isss deadpool and wolverine x chubby feminine male reader and male reader is like insecure about his body and femininity and wade and logan makes sure to let him know that hes beautiful inside and out hehe i havent really seen much x chubby male reader lately nor at all and i have been feeling down about my weight(again) and i would reallllyyyyy appreciate if u can do this request hhee but if u dont thats fine aswell TYSMMMM ONCE AGAINNNNN AND TAKE CAREEEE💖💖💖💖💖

YEAH I CAN!!!! im assuming you want cis male reader but if you were looking for trans, i can rewrite stuff!

sorry it took so long! depression has been kicking my ass recently

warnings for bullying, body dysmorphia, mean self talk and thoughts revolving around hating how you look, use of feminine pet names for reader

You’re their princess!

poolverine x chubby feminine male reader

You’d been curled up in bed since that morning when you’d swear that those teenagers were laughing about you. You’d been wearing a cute pink hello kitty shirt and the skirt Wade had got you. You’d told him over and over again that it was too short but he’d insisted that you were as cute as a button. Logan had said so too so you wore it but then those teenagers…

Logan and Wade hadn’t gotten home yet so you just laid in bed, covered to your neck. You didn’t wanna look at yourself. You’d thrown the skirt and shirt onto the floor and changed into Logan’s hoodie that was way too big for you. It covered everything and that was your only comfort. You just felt so insecure right now.

You must have drifted off because you jolted awake when the front door slammed. Your boyfriend’s voices drifted up into your ears and you burrowed deeper into the blankets. You didn’t want them to see you like this. You rolled over to face the wall and pretended to be asleep.

Wade poked his head into you guys bedroom and watched you for a moment before beckoning Logan over. You heard his footsteps and wanted to turn back over but your make up was messy and you didn’t wanna look at yourself in the mirror.

“He’s so cute, ain’t he, Logie? I just wanna kiss our baby all over his beautiful body,” Wade said with a sweet smile as he locked his hand in Logans.

Logan grunted a yes and nodded as he leaned against the doorframe. “He asleep?” He grunted.

You tried to stay still and quiet. You just wanted to stay in bed without them trying to make you feel better.

Wade chuckled and let go of Logan’s hand. He walked over to the bed and poked you in the shoulder. You jumped and squealed into your pillow.

“Awwwww, baby’s awake!” He said with a giggle before crawling onto the bed and pulling you into his lap with great difficulty coz you didn’t wanna move.

He nudged your face so he could see you and his face dropped when he did. “Baby, why’s your makeup like that?”

Logan had been watching from the doorframe but when Wade said that, he quickly closed the gap between him and the bed. He climbed on the bed and when he saw your tear streaked face, there was murder in his eyes. “Who hurt you, doll?”

You flinched away from him when he said that.

“Don’t call me that. It’s stupid. I can’t look like a girl! I’m too chubby and it doesn’t look right and I should just bite the bullet and dress like a guy,” you rambled, faster than Wade, as you tried to turn away again.

Wade and Logan immediately jumped into gotta fix this mode. Before you even knew what was going on, Wade had pulled the blanket off you and Logan had taken you off him and settled you on his lap. Wade hopped off the bed and picked up your clothes and put them in the washing basket. He grabbed one of your cute pink hoodies and those hello kitty pj pants you liked so much and laid them out on the end of the bed.

“They’re for when we get ya feeling better. Can’t have you drowning in Logan’s hoodie,” he said with a sad smile as he sat back down.

Logan stroked your hair and grabbed a make up wipe off the bedside table. He gently wiped away your makeup and murmured sweet nothings into your ear. The ickyness started to subside but you still felt it. It was still there in your stomach and the back of your mind, waiting for them to leave so you could cry some more.

“We ain’t gonna make you hash it out, sweetheart. You don’t gotta tell us a thing, okay? But can you let us say somethings?” Wade asked gently as he took ahold of your hands.

Everything in you wanted to say no. They were just taking pity on you. Why would anyone like you? You weren’t skinny and you were too girly. But slowly you nodded.

Wade smiled and tilted his head. “You are the most beautiful man I’ve ever set my eyes on, you know. When we first met, I just knew that I wanted you and when you spoke and your heart shone through, I knew it even more.”

That was a lot more sincere than you were expecting but you still felt icky. They’d leave soon. Tears started to well up in your eyes but before you could wipe them away, Logan did so.

“We love you, pretty boy. We’ll always love you. You’re the most feminine badass I know and you’re not too chubby. You’re just the right amount. You’re perfect cuddle size, sweetheart,” Logan said with the most gentle smile.

You were crying now. How’d they always accept you when it seemed nobody else did? Logan wiped away your tears and after getting a nod from you, Wade gently pulled Log’s hoodie off you. As he picked up your hoodie, Logan leaned down and pressed a kiss to your tummy.

“You’re the most beautiful princess out there, baby. You can be a man and still be pretty and you can be chubby. You’re not too chubby, okay? We’re gonna love you always,” Logan reminded you.

Wade helped you into the hoodie and then into the pants. Logan then helped you lay down and he cradled you against his chest. Wade snuggled up against you, his arms around your waist, tracing hearts on your tummy.

“We love you, baby,” Wade said with a giggle.

The three of you drifted off to sleep and that icky feeling left for a while longer.

[izel-scribbles]

FINALLY FINISHED MY RELISTEN YIPPEEEE I HAVE THOUGHTS (not including the new ep sadly)

oh my goodness. john's s1 voice. i know everyones always talking about it but omg. he sounds like a used car salesman or something i love him

THE BUTCHER BOTH INVOLVED IN ONE OF THE FIRST EPIS???? not by name obvi but "he died quite gruesomely" i completely forgot about that ghsdnflkj

im gonna be honest i skipped ahead to part 6 last relisten but hearing the first few again was so cool

"more writing in polish" wow!! it me!!!! polish!!!!

s2 was. wow. ough. fjaslkdj.

that was actually when i painted the kiy,i was just relistening to those during art class

the vibes were immaculate

godddd i forgot how painful part 18 was

and 19 for that matter

i can't even begin to coherently word my emotions about part 20

arthur's poem. the poem. but also "i am clawing my way towards a better version of myself!" aSLKJDL

john and lilly john and lilly joHn and lilly jaohnd alihdl ully

i also skipped 21 + 22 last time because i couldn't bear the yellow parts they made me too sad BUT i soldiered on this time around

yellow,,,, he sounds like john when he is curious about humanity

like all the cruelty and intimdation drain away and he just wants to know what evrything means

LARSON SLDKFJLSK I NEED TO HIT HIM WITH A SEMI TRUCK I NEED TO RIP HIS ORGANS OUT I DESPISE HIM WHY DOES HE HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT. HE ONLY GOES TO MASSACHUSETTS AND NEW YORK. URFLKS I HATE HIM

KAYNE TOO BUT THATS ANOTHER THING

s3 in general had me shellshocked-soldier-memeing in the hallways at school

part 24 i thinkw as when arthur said "i killed myslef for a voice in my head. do you know how mad that sounds?"

AND HOW YOU CALL IT MADNESS KEEPS RANDOMLY CROPPING UP JSLKDJ

ughhhhh part 26 i can't

i was bawling in the bathrooms (in spirit)

and 27,,,,, 28,,,,,

THEN PRELUDE <3333333

MY GORGEOUS WIFE

I HADN'T HEARD HIS VOICE IN TOO LONG JSLKJFLKSJDLKJLKJDLK

why must i be this way about the middle aged irish serial killer. cmon now brain what the hell

anyways. i need to draw lilith too

scratchhhhhhhh

oscar. hmm. might be understanding why everyone loves the sad little gay priest more and more

he has his charms i suppose

john during s4 slkfjl;jlajsdl;fjasrigofecrjaksmlfekjs

relate to him a normal amount sure mhm

NOELLLLLLLLL I LOVE NOEL hES SO EVERUTHGING

GODDDDDDD

i would do unspeakable things to be the waitress he calls doll in one of those episodes

i need him in ways that are detrimental to feminism /ref

i will never be normal about part 40. both my wives dying in the same episode

i had a whole chunk of dms where i raged about how much i loathe, abhor, and despise kayne for that

MALEVOLENT HAS SO MANY MARVELOUSLY EXECUTED CHARACTER DEATHS. THE BUTCHER WAS NOT ONE OF THEM. IT DID NOT MOVE THE PLOT FORWARDS WHATSOEVER. WHY??!?!??!?!?!?!?? HARLAN WHEN I FUCING GET YOU

why would you kill our coolest antagonist??????? literally never getting over him :(((

the part 41 divorce got me ripping my hair out on the bus

trying so hard to keep a straight face when all i want to do is scream and throw shit

john doe trans allegory my dearly beloved <333

part 45..... hrngslkjdf

so so so excited to hear 46 you guys have no idea

[scribble-brain-aced]

for pride month, i have:

a list of how the hazbin hotel had their gay awakening. (or lesbian, or bi, or trans, or aroace, pan, etc)

Charlie: she watched Sleeping Beauty, the year after it came out. she looked at Snow White and thought “wow, she’s so pretty.. but also Price Florian.. wait.” because this was in 1938, she didn’t know what bisexuality was, but she knew and accepted her feelings, because it wasn’t a big deal to her. in the 1970s, she found the label for it— bisexuality— and thought “OH THERE’S A NAME FOR THIS, YAY!” and that was that.

Vaggie: when she was still alive, in 2010, a friend sent her a photo of a genderbent character from some TV show, and her first thought was “oh, okay, i see why everyone’s in love with them now. …wait.” she spent the next 20 minutes looking up female versions of characters and realizing “oh. OH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH” (based on my own story)

Angel: honestly, he can’t really say. he just kinda knew from the beginning that men were just hot, and he’d marry a guy if he could. molly just assumed he meant “yeah, men are just better than women” and went along with it, even though she personally thought both were radiantly beautiful. (she found out what pansexual meant in 1972.)

Husk: he has no idea. if asked, he just shrugs and goes “any hole is a goal, i couldn’t care less.” at one point, Angel just shoved a poster at him, Husk read it and was like “oh. i guess that’s me.” pretty chill reaction, just continued his normal day, but kept thinking “okay, wow, that’s ME.”

Sir Pentious: he just thought all people liked both men and women, but because of societal rules and whatever, they had to wait until they had a crush on the opposite gender. ..what do you mean thats not what being straight is. (he only found out what bisexuality was after he came to the Hotel and Charlie had a bi flag pin. he asked her what country that was, and she had to sit him down to explain the concept of LGBTQ+, and no, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a mental illness, wtf, you’re fine, buddy, go be happy.)

Alastor: post-season 1, like three people separately wished him a happy asexual awareness week and he was so confused, he asked Angel to look up ‘a sexual’ on his phone because he couldn’t find anything at the library. (he was looking at the outdated library in cannibal town.) he read the definition, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. if anybody heard muffled screaming and somehow-happy-sounding swearing, nobody mentioned it.

Vox: pfft, what? no, he’s not gay! he’s perfectly straight! is it gay to say that men are just as good at women? …Val, what do you MEAN ‘no but yes’? (Valentino explained the entire history of LGBTQ+, stressing bisexuality. Vox just said “okay, okay, hear me out.. there’s a whole month for them, right? their whole thing is rainbows? what if we paint all of our logos rainbow-colored? they’d buy it!” Valentino gave up, because Vox just COULD NOT comprehend what he was trying to say. but he keeps sending bisexual memes to Vox.)

Valentino: he just always knew. come on, everyone’s hot, unless they aren’t. even better if they can be exploited. that’s all there is to it.

Velvette: pfft, she grew up with social media, she’s known about this shit since she was a kid. fuck love, fuck fucking, she’d rather pester Vox into making cheesy garlic bread. the guy’s a bitch, but he makes good cheesy garlic bread.

Baxter: back before he and sir pentious became bitter enemies, they were both talking about.. whatever. at one point, they got on the topic of clothing, and Baxter�� then Bella— griped that he hated how dresses felt. too heavy, too annoying, and it made him feel sick, anyway. suits were just better, not just because they’re lighter. man, he wished he were a boy. pentious asked if he wanted to be a boy in general, not just for the suits, and after a moment, Baxter excused himself quickly to go find something in his library, shooing Pentious out of the house. a couple days later, he came out, transitioned, all that. the only reason he doesn’t cut off his light-lure thingy is because it’s useful. other than that, he avoids looking at it as much as possible.

[threepoint14art]

HELLOOOO for pride month i wanted to share our headcanons for fnafhs!!!!! coupled with some edits with our designs!!

Under the cut there's individual commentary about all of em!

Freddys afab, and only goes by he/him with the animatronics. He didnt tell them he's male or anything. What happeend was they they were all talking to eachothet, getting to know eachother, when chica realized she forgot to ask his name. Meanwhile freddy had though he heard Fred, so he wss on his own little world and asked to the air ‘Fred?’ so they took that as his name and he hasnt ‘corrected them’. (This is my (loop’s) work around for those twins basicallly having the same name.) Hes called Freddy and not Fred bc Chica gives them all nicknanes , Freddy, Foxy, Goldy, instead of Fred, Fox, and Golden. ( Bonnie… you bastard you already fit…. cannot change his name to Bon without nuking Bons actual name). He hasn't thought about his sexuality because he thinks he's undatable, Dysphoria levels are very high, hes contantly ‘out of it’ in his own body. feels like hes just, piloting it, distant from himself and the now. whenever he does come back doen it feels awful fir a bilion reasons 👍 this makes it hard for him to identify the feelings he has about himself since its all so fuzzy and distant. hes not thinking about his sexuality, he doesn’t think anyone would really date him so, fuck if he knows! Bonnie is cis demironantic and unlabled. Goes by he/him. One of his names is María (Bonnie María) so that plus his longer hair means he gets misgendered as a CIS guy and I think its rlly funny. He's not thinking about romance because "no one would go out with him", enter Bon with a nuke Chica is cis and Bisexual. Goes by She/her. Her bisexual awakening was magnet hatsune miku lmao Fox is afab trans guy, stealth about it, and bisexual. Goes by he/him. He figured out he was trans PRETTY early on so no one but his family really even knows, he practically has no dysphoria. Golden is amab nonbinary and pan (they/them). Being famous is the worst thing ever you could do to them, people know their dead name and sorta treat them as a gay man rather than someone nonbinary and it's really bad!!! Sort of wishes they fell into some binary so something about them would "change" and so that people would realize they have changed, there is no way to "pass" as nonbinary and it drives them a lil crazy Fred has not been born (sorry low blow), but if they were they'd be amab, nonbinary and bisexual. Still figuring stuff out but eventually he will settle for going by He/they Meg is afab, genderfluid and pan, goes by any pronouns, idek what else to say <3 Bon is afab trans guy and gay, goes by he/him. He and Malva (usagi) are twins and just switched names and lives and gender! so he's stealth to everyone EXCEPT his sister, this includes their father! who is awful!! and this makes him super repressed and ill about being gay, yeah. Both he and Malva lied on legal documents to look cis since they exchanged identities and all that joy is amab trans girl and bisexual, goes by she/her, also famous so people also know her deadname </3

Toddy is afab and cis, she's NOT aware of either of her flags, comphet queen, "dating" bon because it helps them both feel so normal but its not working out and it never will! Seeing the nigthmares all date eachother made her think "oh wow not being monogamous is a thing" and if she thinks of malva and joy thats HER BUSINESS and her business only. Also fun fact her parents are divorced not because they hate eachother but because they realized they were both aroace, epic. Goes by she/her Deuz is amab bigender gay and poly, the nightmares are a polycule. She is not that dysphoric most of the time and goes by He/she Maggie is afab trans guy, bi and poly, Femenine trans guys are epic and he is one, gets misgendered a lot because he doesn't bind and wears makeup and croptops and all that. Goes by he/him and she/her ONLY with his partners. Onnie is amab agender, gay and poly, it used to be forced to have really short hair because it's dad is awful (also bon's dad, yay siblings), so when he ran away he grew it out a lot, goes be he/they/it Onyx (oxy) is afab trans guy, bi and poly, he got kicked out when he came out as trans, he's super happy now tho. He/him Pup(pet) afab demi-boy, his legal name is puppilo i know it sounds dumb thats why they go by pup. He's queer in some way but its impossible to find out given how he experiences feelings and all that (lore tm) so, fuck if i know. Goes by he/they Mai afab demi-girl and sapphic, yay for twins, her legal name is marinette but they go by mai only, she really wants to date but due to how she and pup operate thats kinda impossible and shes super hung up on it. Goes by They/she Lily is afab cis aroace!!! Eak is afab trans guy and gay, he does not really pass that well so he's misgendered quite a bit at school. Goes by he/him Tony is amab cis guy and gay, he's dating Eak, he used to question if he was REALLY gay before eak came out and was super confused about it and then he found out hes a guy and all is well lol Cami is afab aromantic bisexual and nonbinary, though she has not thought about the whole nonbinary thing that deeply at all. Eventually she will use all pronouns but currently she goes by She/her Loon is amab bigender bisexual and poly, is super dysphoric and hates dressing too femenine because it "doesn't fit her", "not cute enough to be a girl and not handsome enough to be a guy", goes by loon when masc and jj when fem. Goes by he/she Malva is trans and lesbian! Unlike Bon she's normal about being lesbian, mostly because their dad thinks she "doesn't look like one" and because generally girls just get an easier pass to be mushy and close to eachother (eugh), goes by she/her Owynn is afab trans guy, demiromantic, ace and poly. Damn share some flags dude you are hogging them. Stealth at school but percieved as a femenine guy and therefore called gay (as an insult) a lot, lied in legal documents to be seen as a guy! he's dysphoric despite passing really well because of very minor things people don't really notice, female scorpions are taller than male ones and he's tall, female scorpions have bigger hands than male ones and his hands are big, etc etc. He goes by he/him Background character jumpscare! Mesero who is named Vincent here, Owynn's older brother who is amab cis pan and poly, he thought he was straight for a LONG while and hated people calling him gay as an insult because he had long hair, sorry to burst your bubble but you are not straight, he eventually became normal about it but it did hurt that people were "right about him" Spring!!! Is amab cis unlabeled and poly, he never thought about labels or anything for the longest time because he thought he was undatable and also was busy with ten trillion jobs, fly low, goes by he/him Bg character again! Novia (ghghg) who is named Leticia here! She is afab cis straight and poly!

Also sorry for not having any of the funtimes, we haven't really thought about them aside from lily, so we have nothing ToT. Any funtime lovers please share what you think about them we really need it

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: You

TWEEK: Mister

TWEEK: Tinfoil

TWEEK: Hat

TWEEK: Guy

KENNY: Stan

TWEEK:  What

KENNY: His names Stan

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that

TWEEK: You said you had

TWEEK: Like

TWEEK: A bunker

TWEEK: Right?

STAN: Yeah

CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀

TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud

TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point

KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that

KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on

CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀

CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out

KYLE: Fuck you

KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?

CRAIG: Lmao what

CRAIG: Me when I lie

KYLE: Nonononono

KYLE: Look look look

KYLE: It says “Souprem”

KYLE: It's fake merch dude

KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys

CRAIG: ….

KYLE: …Dude?

CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie

KYLE: Are you fucking serious

KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are

CRAIG: Nuh uh

KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????

TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up

TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass

TOLKIEN: It's not worth it

CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?

TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde

CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS

TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN

CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME

TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO

CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS

TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T

CLYDE: FINE

TOLKIEN: FINE

CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO

CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

STAN: Hmmm

STAN: At my barn we could like

STAN: Use my dad and my sister

STAN: As like

STAN: Food

KYLE: Dude no

KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism

CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people

KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”

CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE

CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????

CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D

CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW

KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD

KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken

CRAIG: I thought it was pork

CRAIG: Like

CRAIG: Deadass

CRAIG: Like pigs

CRAIG: Like deadass pigs

KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 

STAN: Yeah

STAN: So we’re fucking set

CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay

STAN: We don't even have animals

CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then

STAN: What

KENNY: What

KYLE: What

CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 

CARTMAN: What???

CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip

CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly

STAN: What's your source

CARTMAN: Wikipedia

STAN: Ooooof course it is

STAN: The internets lying to you, you know

CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo

STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE

TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd

TWEEK: OKay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION

TWEEK: Awesome

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Dandy even!

TWEEK: Everyone

TWEEK: Lets hold hands

CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand

TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty

CRAIG: For real

CRAIG: Preach 🙏🙏🙏

TWEEK: I don't care

TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards

CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS

CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: Sure

TWEEK: Whatever

CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD

TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands

TWEEK: Who else is fine with

TWEEK: Touching Clyde

CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: I don't

TWEEK: I'm not

TWEEK: Just

TWEEK: Hold hands

TWEEK: You all have socks on

TWEEK: I think

TWEEK: So it's not gay

CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm

CARTMAN: Actually

CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement

TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????

TWEEK: WHAT???????

TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY

TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME

CLYDE: Wow

CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like

KYLE: Woah

KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony

KYLE: Where

KYLE: Twilight and her friends

KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever

KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone

KYLE: And they used them to like

KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon

KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna

KENNY: That was so fucking gay

KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you

CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic

CARTMAN: I will cancel you again

KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig

CARTMAN: BITCH-

TWEEK: SHUT UP

TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN

TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER

KENNY: ….

CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..

LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..

CRAIG: Slllaaa-

TOLKIEN: Dont

TOLKIEN: Just

TOLKIEN: Do not

TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges

CRAIG: 😡

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Is

TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands

CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr

TOLKIEN: Stop talking

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Alakazam

TWEEK: Alakazane

TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane

KYLE: Wait wha-

CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!

KENNY: Yoooo

CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!

TOLKIEN: Haaaaa

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: Was that

TWEEK: Magic Trick

TOLKIEN: What

TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster

CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!

TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again

KENNY: I dunno

KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool

CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Humans

TWEEK: Freaks

TWEEK: Whatever your names are

TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn

TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,

TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them

TWEEK: And for goodness sake,

TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!

STAN: One, what are we, five?

STAN: Second

STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn

TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN

TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????

STAN: No

TWEEK: …

STAN: …

TWEEK: ….

STAN: ….

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: O….

TWEEK: Kay…..

TWEEK: Just…..

TWEEK: Get in the barn

STAN: Fineeeee

STAN: Whatever

STAN: Fuck you

CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]

CLYDE: Hey

CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek

TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….

CLYDE: Do

CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think we could

CLYDE: Maybe

CLYDE: Like

CLYDE: Go to like

CLYDE: Dennys

CLYDE: After this???

TWEEK: Whats

TWEEK: What's Dennys?

CLYDE: Oh

CLYDE: Uh

CLYDE: Maybe we could like

CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: What's an olive?

TWEEK: And

TWEEK: And what's a Garden?

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Oh you poor

CLYDE: Sweet

CLYDE: Summer child

CLYDE: You know what

CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden

CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: O

TWEEK: OKAY?????

CLYDE: Alright

CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: UHHH

TWEEK: WHAT

TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???

TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit

TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands

TOLKIEN: Or his ass

TWEEK: Why's that relevant?

TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????

TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD

TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????

TWEEK: …Whatevs

TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????

(edits made by @pissblanket)

[tiptapricot]

well now i does is have to know your transfem marc thoughts

TWO OF YOU! Ok. Ok I will talk ab it.

SO. Transfem Marc is this headcanon I’ve had for a while that I have a hard time explaining. He just has the vibes for it? Something about leaning into masculinity so hard it feels like it circles back to not being a dude, along with some other stuff.

(Talk of sys’s trauma, Marc’s bad coping, and some talk of sex and kink at end but not super explicit or in depth so you can skip if needed)

To start, Marc is a gruff man, he’s a guy who represses his emotions and his mental health issues and his trauma. He’s autistic and masks heavily, scared of emotional intimacy and the ways that being different can make you a target. He wears simple bland clothes that are predictable and reliable and don’t stand out. He went to the military, then into mercenary work, then into the service of a god. He has spent so much of his life fitting into boxes and predetermined expectations for how he should be, burying his feelings under violence and anger and emotional repression.

And there’s just a vibe there.

That’s sort of where it started for me, along with occasionally thinking of gender headcanons for the sys members (which is a whole other post). Marc had this flavor to him I couldn’t really name? He wasn’t a cis man, even though he appeared like one, and while I love transmasc MK sys headcanons and do have that as a side pocket headcanon, there was also just… woman vibes?? Truly idk.

Then I started fleshing out my expanded system roster and worked out my version of Inner Child from the Ultimate Marvel universe, and like… that is a little girl inside them. A kid to hold their innocence and place in childhood, the idealized self away from what they experienced. And she’s a girl.

I just kept reflecting on that, on what that piece of them meant. Women are socially and stereotypically seen as more innocent than men, as kinder, softer, so maybe it’s that, maybe just their brain finding a child they couldn’t be to maintain what they didn’t have. A separation for projection. A little girl who got through things instead of a little boy. But that… again there’s just this feeling to me of more.

Cause also like… Marc could never be that. He didn’t get the chance to be that. He was beaten into the shape of a little boy who was wrong. Was the one who had the name of their body, the weight of being the person everyone thought they were. And he had to keep doing that far into their adulthood. Be the Man, the Soldier, the Husband. There’s a safety in masculinity, one he can keep hold of, a script he’s always known and doesn’t have to think about with everything else going on. Being a man makes it easier, or at least feels like it does, but it’s a performance, a role he’s taken on for protection.

Boxes and boundaries and forcing yourself into a role that does not fully encapsulate you is an experience that connects with so many people, so many lives and states of self, but I just couldn’t shake trans vibes. And then it’s like. Where do you go from there?

Because if that is the case for Marc and we look at him through that lens, then… man.

It would be something that grows. Deep down there’s this niggling feeling he can’t place, and doesn’t want to because it means too much, opens too many avenues.

How can he recognize that facet of himself, that he may not be fully A Man, when thats just something else to make him different, something else to make him incorrect, something else to come to terms with when he doesn’t have the time.

How can he recognize that facet of himself when that’s one of the last lines of separation between him and Wendy.

He doesn’t want to feel closer to her, doesn’t want to feel more like her than he “already is.”

He sees his bad habits, his own stubbornness and anger and brashness, how he hurts those close to him, how he drinks when he’s angry and grieving and can’t put the bottle down. He’s too close. And so manhood is a way to distance himself, to not feel like a piece of her is lodged in him, is inescapable, that he is becoming the woman who hurt him.

But being a woman, sometimes, in some ways…Maybe that’s just him. And restricting that, holding it back, is the real thing that would echo Wendy’s hurt. Embracing the woman Marc has made himself ignore and finding his arms around himself and knowing he doesn’t have to be scared of her… it’s healing.

Part of it may be how he formed, that need for separation, that maybe a daughter would’ve been treated better than a son, or maybe it was always something in that young child, a space that didn’t fit that he held on to. He can’t know for sure, but it doesn’t really matter. I think he’d try to rationalize it some, think about it in regards to why he exists and how he was shaped, but in the end… he exists how he does either way, feels what he does either way, wants what he does either way. That won’t change.

(Mild sex/kink talk, skip to asterisks if needed)

Though not how I always imagine it playing out (I have a lot of various headcanon timelines in my head that are not always existing at once) I think one of the ways this discovery could get pushed forward could be via crossdressing play with Layla. They go into it in an attempt to test out how letting go of hypermasculine roles may help Marc let go of control, let go of tension and expectation, and it just… hits. It broils something up in Marc’s gut that is warm and confusing and overwhelming. Layla calls him a good girl, calls him pretty, loves him in that way, and for a moment he realizes how much he wants that, how it floods him with a relief of not having to hold onto a singular role anymore. And it just… forces those questions into the forefront, makes him think about them, grapple with them, try and explore them.

********

I don’t see Marc as a trans woman. I kind of place him in this bi-gender/gender fluid kind of space. Sometimes he’s a man, but sometimes he’s a woman too. Not a super feminine one. He still uses Marc and doesn’t get deep into heavy makeup or wigs or dresses, but maybe some lipstick or eyeliner, some looser hair now and then, a change in pronouns. He’s a woman because he is, and not when he’s not. Maybe has bracelets to signal how he feels since he’s not great at communicating wants and boundaries in words.

Maybe it goes further over time, but he also seems like the type of person, an older, complicated, queer person, who still sticks to what he knows, and understanding and engaging with himself authentically within that is enough.

Overall just… transfem Marc settles in right for me. A realization of identity that didn’t surface until so late because there was so much else he had to keep himself afloat through, and recognizing that there was more (just like we see with his ignoring of Jake) would’ve been too much to handle. But when it’s able to be real, when he’s able to touch that piece of himself and recognize it’s there, it’s a huge step in his growth and acceptance, in releasing the tension of hiding that he’s gotten so used to.

So yeah :-)

(Id for ask screenshot in ALT)

[windypuddle]

enstars headcanons

ok im going in order but i dont have headcanons for a few characters for sure. so. whatever on we go . just saying in advance these are mostly gender and Autism

fine:

eichi tenshouin: look i cant say anythinf about this guy hes already canonically terminally ill and gay. like what do you want me to do

wataru hibiki: genderfluid. whatever gender fits the performance. shes the moment hes the star theyre the epitome of an actor

tori: boy you are so gnc. princess but not a girl you know

yuzuru: has definitely had impulse thoughts about dying his hair and having a scene phase at 3 am

trickstar

hokuto: bigender. sooooo queer . also autistic

mao: um ritsu braided his hair sometimes when they were younger

ryuseitai:

chiaki: trans guy i have many feelings about this but he leans into the hero thing because its gender affirming. also autism

kanata: no gender only blublublub. likes wearing long skirts. filipino. has like 1 million fish earrings. also autism

tetora: TRANSMASC ‼️💥💪

midori: transfem... also autistic.. she is so important

shinobu: Autism Autism Autism. bonus the detachment from gender that sometimes comes with the autism but he hasnt really thought about it. hes just some guy

alkaloid:

hiiro: transmasc autistic i will die on this hill

aira: my lovely mutuals have convinced me with blasian aira its canon to me now. white french? no. cowards happyele are cowards i tell you. theres such a vast portion of the francophone world that is not white . also transmasc

mayoi: scaredgirl weirdboy core. whatever gender is easier at the moment. she likes being pretty

tatsumi: ok yknow what. fuck it. aroace tatsumi

eden:

nagisa: so much autism. nonbinary guy. religious trauma

ibara: lesbian. not going to elaborate bc thats not my problem ibara is just a lesbian

hiyori: hes just gay idk what to tell you. cisboy gay who is so annoying. when people complain about "gay isn't a personality trait" theyre complaining about him. also chubby

jun: also gay but fans love him for being normal about it. one of his main motivations for working out is being able to princess carry hiyori. hes so polite usually its insane but with eden he doesnt care because he loves them so hes a bit of a bitch

valkyrie:

shu: god is a woman and her name is shu itsuki. transfem and autistic i will Also die on this hill.

mika: transmasc and autistic

2wink:

hinata: men liker but dont ask me about her gender idk

yuuta: i see those slipups in twin peaks girl u are transfem nonbinary i think

crazy:b:

rinne: bigender [wild cheering] also demi aka down bad for niki specifically

niki: tboy swag but hes not really bothered too much about medically transitioning. arospec i think

himeru: Sooooo nonbinary. so so so nonbinary. i like to hc afab nonbinary himeru and mainly got top surgery to more easily pass as kaname but like gahdamn of course you have blue hair and pronouns (they/it/no pronouns)

kohaku: tboy swag . the gender in crazy:b is off the charts

Undead:

rei: 1 million genderqueer and SO gay. has all the problems of an older sister but also the hotness that comes with issues u know.

kaoru: ok. bear with me. aussie. also transfem... like what do you mean you hate men and only hang out with girls. definitely arospec

koga: AUTISM!! weirdgirl to autism boy wonder transmasc swag pipeline

adonis: also autism. he can be gnc. as a treat

akatsuki:

keito: come on man we all know youre gay and insufferable about it

kuro: he should get to have piercings i think

souma: autism boy wonder. while you were busy learning social cues he was studying the blade. also applies to gender norms

ra*bits:

nazuna: boy there is something gender going on with you. weirdboy or maybe a gender cis people have never heard of.

tomoya: That Is The Normalest Girl I've Ever Seen

mitsuru: autism

hajime: girl what is your gender. hes like the narrator of the arch nemesis cynthia post. so poor they cant afford a gender

knights:

tsukasa: autistic and please please please let him be chubby. staring at happyele with my biggest saddest eyes Please let tsukasa be chubby. while you're at it can he wear a skirt. please

leo: ok i give a lot of characters autism because i have autism and i get it but i think leo has adhd

izumi: agender. any pronouns. idk what to tell you he said in next door that he doesnt care about gender only beauty

arashi: only normal one in knights. i love aranee she should get 1 million hours to stress bake if she wants to

ritsu: ah i understand why vampires are gay. occasionally a girl if its funny

switch:

natsume: Diversity win!! the angry witch is transmasc!!! neurodivergent but i think its funnier if i dont specify.

tsumugi: new gender unlocked its pathetic wifeguy. hes every spirit in the fields of punishment and he does it willingly for natsume

sora: wahoo autism ^_^ yippee!!

madara: is cowboy a gender?

feel free to reblog and throw in ur own headcanons i love hearing other fans hcs it is so awesome!!

[bronzetomatoes]

Sorry I would like a second opinion on a personal issue from people who had no involvement in the situation so. Sorta long post ahead

Ermm so there's this girl in my band class. And like at our school that means we've all been in the same class with the same 20-some people for both band and English for 2-3 years now, so we're a pretty close group as far as full high school classes go. But yeah there's this girl I've sorta known in passing the past couple years

When we got to school for the new year in September, this girl (gonna call her Alice, not her real name) had just come out as trans, started growing her hair out, was very skittish and socially awkward. Last year she had a friend group, this year none of them seemed to be talking to her. After chatting with us for a day in October, she asked if she could start hanging out with us at school more often. We all sorta went 👍 ofc you can

We really did not have anything in common, but we could tell she needed friends and like. It's fine, ofc, and our band teacher spoke to us privately about how great it was to see Alice have friends + the impact she could see it having on Alice.

After like a month or two, the early awkwardness and stilted conversations had... not gone away. But like I thought That's okay, being socially awkward isn't a crime, not everyone is good w that shit. We still very much did not have Any common interests, and honestly? We didn't even seem to enjoy each other's company that much, she just sorta hung around us bc she needed friends. We didn't find each other funny either, which sorry if that seems stupid but like thats kind of a big deal for me and my friends

One thing I started to notice was that she seemed... overly familiar? Like she started laying on pretty thick with flirting and sexual jokes in a way that kind of just fell flat. I kinda pinned it as social awkwardness + not taking hints, but my friends and I had known each other for YEARS before we started that shit, not. 3 months. And like it wouldn't have been a problem if Alice would like, stop when we asked her to.

On the one hand, I feel like some of my friends were a little harsh in the way they started icing her out, but on the other hand I had been fighting off a Bad Gut Feeling for months at that point and didn't much feel like going to bat for Alice? But anyway

I missed a lot of lunch hours for extracurriculars, which is when most of this shit goes down, so apparently Alice had kept on full sending it w the heavy flirting and sexual comments. Literally asked one of the more reserved guys if he was circumcised out of fucking no where. Asked one guy out, found out he had a gf, immediately moved onto another guy. Asked someone if his friend was single, guy said "no, but I don't think he's looking for anything rn," Alice replied "lmk if he gets better," kept making weird ass fucking jokes (including an incest joke about her REAL LIFE LITTLE BROTHER) until it was just like. This shit has gotta stop

And THEN. Alice's old friends told us that the reason they all fucking dropped her was bc she a) wouldn't quit it w invasive questions abt their sex lives (non-existent) (we're in high school band get real), b) went to someone's house to hang out and READ THEIR DIARY. And c) wrote. self-insert porn about herself and one of their friends and then showed it to them. ANYWAYYYYY we had had ENOUGHH but I feel really bad bc she really and truly got dropped by like 20 people all at once. And like some of us had a free period together so it was like we had been chatting for an hour a day from October to February and we all kinda just dropped her. But on the other hand what the actual fuck

And the thing is, we did give her a chance to apologize. We explained everything that had been making us uncomfortable and asked her to stop, and rather than, idk, deciding to stop hitting on all our friends, she tried to explain why she should be allowed to do it 😭😭 and like at that point I couldn't keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. It ain't misreading social cues if you're being told directly and you refuse to change your behaviour

This all went down like a couple weeks ago but I had to get it off my chest. Don't blame the band teacher or anything her heart is always in the right place but WOO BOY was it misguided 💀

[cracka1604]

Numbah one - C

Hello, and welcome! To uh... White trans girl woke blog... Yeah, creative name, I know. I'm Cracka, but you probably already know that. This is my first post on the blog, awesome! 😎 I'll use this as a... FAQ thingy... Even though nobody asked.

I made this blog to just... Write about my life, document it kinda. I love looking in on other peoples lives, it seems so interesting to me. I mean, obviously i dont go too deep, I dont like getting super duper personal with this 'hobby' of mine, but I thought other people might be interested. So, I made this. I've never really documented anything in my life, I really just, let myself live. I reflect a lot on what I've done, especially the bad things. But I never really... Shared it I guess? I told stories to those I know but when something happens in my life, or I finish doing something, I dont normally go "Hey guys did you know this just happened? Lol!" I normally just... Live. My first thought when something big happens isnt to tell anyone, its my life. If someone cared they would ask me if something is happening. Though, that hasnt happened in a few years. I dont know, I just want to talk about my life to somewhere, even if nobody will read this I guess it would be nice for me to talk about stuff at the very least.

Yo, I'm Cracka, a transgender MtF internet person, and a minor. Also a professional dumbass. I am diagnosed with Autism, and ASPD. I like to draw, make music, and sing. But I might not share that much here, I dont know. Im not very interesting. I sit in my room, play games, and make shitty art, while complaining to my friends and significant other that my life sucks, and then talk to them about breadsticks. And then have a mental breakdown at night. But apparently to others I'm pretty alright, or a living sin. I dont know lol

All that aside, here's a short story from recently. I recently had to buy batteries, but I never realized in my entire life that batteries were locked up. In a case. Maybe this is a stupid teenager revelation, but... Why are batteries so goddamn expensive? I bought 10 for like... 20$... I may be poor but I think thats a bit too much for this cylindric tiny metal thing with juice in it to power up my electronic devices. I hate capitalism man...

[fagsex]

that last post is so me in a way like. ive always like known i was not a girl or female or anything it has never been a part of me even if i did not know what i was was boy/male until i was around 7, i always knew i was not a girl. so my girlish activities were none other than that of a little faggot. and like i did not like... properly realize people saw me as female until they started calling me the d slur in elementary school LOL and i thought it was the strangest thing...

like i identify more with kurt hummel from glee in childhood more than so many actual trans male characters because i did not even fully comprehend how people saw me i thought i was embarrassing for liking like... fairies and mermaids, not because i thought theyd see me as a girl, but because i thought theyd see me as gay.

and so i tried to act masculine in the same way a gay child would, tried to get beat, get into fights, protect girls, and thats what got me called names, and like my mother always saw me as her Daughter but in my mind i always knew my mother didnt know me, so it didnt really click. i knew technically everyone saw me as her daughter, and i was in girl scouts, i knew i was in a category of Girl but like, it was mostly in a group way. like, if you saw a group of 9 girls and a boy, youd probably refer to them all as girls. i think subconsciously this is how i reasoned it. like i really always saw myself as a male child, theres concerned letters home about me being caught using the bathroom standing up and weird shit like that. but my mother never addressed it, so i never really thought of it as something *i* wasnt supposed to be doing, but *people* werent supposed to do.

i dont know! i found out about transgenderism, or transsexuality as i knew it as a younger child, from family guy, as i presume most children did. my parents were open of support of it, even if they made comments like everyone did until like... 2014. 2015, maybe. i realized that the description fit me years after i knew it, because it didnt Click that that was what i was, female to male. i was just male, in my head. i was my mothers girl, her daughter, but i already knew i wasnt anything of hers. i was in girl scouts, but i was a daisy, a brownie, a cadette, i wasnt a girl. you know what i mean? hilariously, it took caitlyn (caitlin? kaitlyn? whatever) jenner's coming-out for me to realize the word i meant, as it was on the radio constantly, i loved the radio, i loved talk shows, i loved the hosts, whether it was local, npr, or shock jocks, i loved it, its why its my talk tags now.

but at the same time, i heard the disgust over it. it wasnt in my house, really, and my father unfortunately wasnt very present, and my mother left us alone, so i wouldnt even have heard it if it was. but at the same time i learned what i would have to call myself, i learned it was a bad thing. i was never a girl, but i always felt like eve. isnt that strange!

this is mostly just rambling and musing, you can share similar experiences if youd like though! i just had a second to really Think about it and put it in writing.

[heleizition]

DAMN not me being like whos cody and the plot post being like GODS FUCKING CLONE CHILD. tell me everything we love an apocalypse harbinger. also CAIN MY BOI poor baby needs that therapy. also the whole 'and god thought mh well i liked that lets try again'? chefs kiss. I Wish To Know The Past Lives by you categorised as kinda boring THING pls. does cain get a bestie? someone give this man a bigger support and luv system. also vik is a BABY? a former child. A BABY!! also W HA T is that fuckery with jasper tell me absolutely everything please

SHES MY FAVORITE WEIRDO GIRL I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHES HOLY AND BRINGS A RELIGIOUS FLAVOR OF TERROR THAT I. CARE ABOUT <===== guy who was not raised religious at all idk why im so into it

so in the plot post i mentionned there's a memory thing. everyone remembers bits here and there of their past life, and usually demons mostly remembers bad things they did bc thats how u manipulate people into doing more things that are . not good. cody and jasper are the only ones with no memories of past life bc they were created in this realm, and had no past life. she has no idea she's god's soldier, They sent her down there mostly for Their own entertainement and everything she does is her own choice and will, even if god can "feel it" (which is why . they end up sending the whole lil family back on earth . for a chance to be happy. bc they feel cody's happiness.)

for the rest :

past lives ! um ill put lil warnings before. each lives.

Nell & Belly : tw for child abuse, sexual abuse and exploitation, adults not helping like they should lol

Nell and Belly (btw their full names are Nathanel and Anabelle) are born twins, nell just a few minutes before his sister. their mother died at birth which sent their father (an already not . good guy) into deep constant rage and pain . once they grow up a bit . i mean like. 7 or so. theres sexual abuse happening . and beatings. selling out his kids for a night for money. nothing fun. nell and belly get through it together until at like 16 nell (who's like, underfed, short, no muscles) snaps and stabs their dad over and over again .

nell only remembers this, killing his dad, with absolutely no context behind (protecting himself, protecting his sister, freeing them) so he thinks he used to be a Bad person. after that they get placed in the system, ig theres a trial but its ruled as legitime defense, and once they're 18 belly just. vanishes. they both deal very differently with what their whole life was, nell cant go on, can barely support himself, thinks he should have died right then, and belly flees from nell to find . somewhere where she can forget. she regrets it but nell dies before she can reconnect (not sure how, his death isn't rly whats important here,,, im thinking . so numb he can't rly recognize whats around him . walk in front of a car. yeah). belly struggles to have a happy life after that and ... im not sure how she dies yet. im thinking drowning bc its a thing that almost happens in the farm au....

as an angel, she doesnt remember much, because there wasn't much happiness in her life. also these two as twins have a bond that still connect them in angel/demon realm ! so they know the other exist and they remember once they meet !!

eden : tw for transphobia, drugs, suicide, abusive family ?

i'll go short w him bc it's not pleasant and it makes me sad <==== guy who MADE this backstory

eden is trans, always feels out of place as a kid, as a teen. his parents kick him out at eighteen bc they "can" and bc even if eden never said anything, they Know and don't want him in here. he has a friend who helps for a while, until the rumors spread about him being a ~ freak ~ and his friend is like. im sorry my parents cant let u impose in the house. anymore. : /// . eden is lost and desperate and doesn't know what to do, sells himself, gets into drugs to get through the days, finds out the days aren't worht getting through, kills himself. yay

he's one of the few who's always remembered his past fully,,,

LENA lena my BABYGIRL um tw for war mostly

this happens in a fictif medieval era lmao she's the princess of a kingdom, daughter of a kind king and queen, destined to rule, fighting among the army already, everyone loves her, except her small kingdom gets torn apart by another kingdom, not that much bigger, but with much greater military strength. the country gets torn apart before the army, the king and queen can do anything. the enemies arrive to the capital and lena doesn't even ask and joins the vanguard. she uses a sword at this point, get through enemies after enemies, and it looks like there's hope, until one of the enemy's captain reach her. it's a bit of a eowyn versus the nazgul vibe in lotr except lena doesn't win. she's slain, and slowly dies on hte battlefield with her beloved country burning, and the people she swore to protect screaming and dying.

she's very loved. i care her so much. she's my default when idk what to draw :3 she remembers being a loved princess, and slowly remember the last fight. it haunts her, the weight of losing this fight, that she couldn't do more, even if it's from a time long gone.

titania ummmm well theres grooming. witch hunt and betrayal.

i have to research the exact period titania's past happens, but its between late 1400 and early 1600s i think !

she loses her parents very young and thus, is cared for by the local church. there's a priest here who teaches her to use her looks and innocence as a way to get things, information, food, anything. once she's 13/14, he starts showing her the more physical way to do so.

she starts using sex as a way to learn things. she's the person who knows the most about anyone in the village. she's an important figure, one who's gifted things to keep silent, who gives her body in exchange for things to hang up against someone. she hates the priest who made her who she is . she couldn't have been something else, happier, lighter, but she's this, and she's too deep in to just stop.

she's too powerful, she knows too much, and when there's word in the village of a witch inhabiting it, they all turn to her. they have a way to get rid of her and the power she holds over them. she screams what she knows when she's brought to the center of the village, screams her hate of the priest who made her who she is, destroys everyone's nice little life because it cost hers. she dies burning, and everyone chooses to act like they never heard her in her final day.

she's the wise calm one who's actually full of anger and wrath. i love her a lot. there's this french song i love ("a witch like any other") which talks abt . women. women and men treating women like they're granted. and like. its a titania song. if u wanna give it a listen this version is amazing altho it's more powerful if u know french....

VIK UM OKAY not much tw here. it's just fucking sad. im a terrible oc parent. it's also heavily inspired by hell's girl season 3's protagonist past..................... it's basically that tbh SOEJFEFSJS

his mother and him are not allowed in the village. his mother is sick. he doesn't know it, he just follows his mother. she's kind and beautiful, gives him food and tells him stories. he's 4. they can't get in the village and he doesn't know why, so they find dry places in the woods to live. it's fun, it's everything he's ever known. one day his mother doesn't wake up, so he goes to try and find food by himself, to surprise her. when he's back, she's still not awake. she's stiff and cold, so he gives her his blanket and waits. days pass. he's hungry, he's thirsty, he's 5, he doesn't know anything, doesn't know how to go on, the usually places he finds bits of food are empty. it's colder and his mother hasn't moved since that day.

it's snowing. it's pretty. he wishes his mom could wake up and see it but he's starting to think that maybe she won't.

vik dies, age 5, in the forest, cold hungry and alone.

he doesn't remember anything, and his ignorance nd naivety makes him so much easier for noah to manipulate him. she doesn't mean to at first, she sees a child who could use some help, and she's always wanted a child. but they're at war, and sacrifices need to be made.

ABEL AND CAIN'S PAST ISNT CLEAR TO ME RN IM SORRYYYYY SOMETHING ABT ABEL BEIGN A RULER AND CAIN HIS SHADOW WHO KILLS FOR HIM YAGHHHHHH IDK MAN abel slowly remembering that he was a mercyless king who made his people suffer just like hte people he's trying to fight rn,,,,,,,,,,, honey

i don't have much planed for cain in tame of support rn im sowwy.................... i wanna work on it tho.......... i have a lot of secondary charactres that he could fit with...............

noah used to be a cool fearless pirate stealing rich people to give to the poor in her hometown mostly. finding strays and helping them. i love that for her . she was a good guy, a robin hood, and then her devotion to god fucked her up (aka hermit the frog by marina). she jst fights bc she thinks it will bring peace until she learns god was just Bored lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think i forgot anyone ? if i did i am sorry (bows down to my kids)

jasper's thing......................... well. there's always been experiments. trying to find a being Higher. jasper was created in a lab. then he and another kid, angel this time, were fused. the scar is most likely due to this . for the longest time jasper just thought he had a strong inner voice but it's this other kid (no name yet sowwy!!!!!!! im coming up with this on the spot actually which is why i like being asked abt them it makes me THINK). he's the only saved experiment from this. abel and cain had been sent to investigate on a demon who's part of the high council, but who some people thought was shady. he indeed was. they destroyed eveything (u don't toy with life) and found jasper. omg . they both kind of raised him . ohhhhhhhhhhhhh OHHHHHHH

anyway later in the story, belly and him are fighting opponent, belly is cool and strong but she almost dies and well . those two are in love and it makes jasper's inner angel wake up along with some new powers. not sure exactly what!!!! im thinking !!!! ok i gotta go grocery show now BE BACK SOON BC I SEE MORE THINGS IN MY INBOX

[atvbs]

i think im going to call the concept with younger akito and touya “bad dogs debut” bc its not. an au. nor a hc. its both but this makes it a little easier.

anyways. starts sobbing.

theyre both. 13-14ish ? in that range. the early half of their middle school years since thats when they met in canon anyways (i think it was rather the later half of middle school but im shifting it bc im making the rules now)

touya isnt necessarily a sopping wet beast type of guy. but when akito first met him. thats what he thought LOL. i mean. he looks pretty pathetic in the sketch tbh. i suppose. but hes more at that point in his life where hes finally attempting to break free from harumichis control over his relationship to classical. so now that hes gainging that autonomy. hes not 100% sure what to do with it so hes lost in that regard. also trans swag. i remember writing it down somewhere but i wrote a drabble where touya chose this name as both a fuck you to his father and bc he only recently cracked the egg. epic and swag trans moment.

and since the two met after akitos poor experience with crawl green,, gah. im not sure How long of an interval exists between these two pieces. but hopefully a good enough distance. (i will be honest im behind with some stories so i need to remedy that to better develop some of the ideas) i wonder abt the whole thing with akitos nice guy persona if touya automatically saw akitos true personality initially or had to break past that act the latter puts up. oh yeah akito trans swag too. these two are not cis!!

i still have more to develop yes. but its really interesting to think abt what these twos dynamics were like when they werent as close as we know them to be now. touya finally starting to break free from his father and then akitos inferiority complex with his talent and all. and the fact that they managed to cross paths. bangs head against table.

[cartoonrival]

you're making me wanna go back and watch ranma 1/2 again. was obsessed with reading/watching it long before i knew i was trans and. ough. even without that angle it handles its premise with more thought than a lot of similar things of the time

ranma played a huuuge hand in realizing im bigender. its fascinating to me tbh, because going in i really had nooo idea what to expect and was mostly anticipating for any trans allegory beyond the very surface level "boy turns into girl" to not be heavily supported, but however accidental it has like. ACTUAL commentary on gender binaries and expectations and obviously im furious with how the story ends but i mean. ranma himself CLEARLY doesnt hate being a girl as much as he constantly bemoans that he does, he wears cute clothes for fun and Explicitly comments on how theres things he WANTS to do and WISHES he could do that he feels like wouldnt be acceptable if he looked like a guy (eating parfaits, piggybacking on akane after he hurt his leg, etc), he clearly likes acting fun and flirty while he looks like a girl, this isnt the HELL that he acts like it is.

ALSO this gets largely dropped as the story progresses which is so sad to me, but akane had moments early on showing that she grew out her hair and tried to act more ladylike because her usual boyish-ness wasnt considered acceptable or desirable, so she buried it down. i need to rewatch the ep where ranma accidentally cuts her hair because thats SUCHHHHH a good akane episode. ill never forgive what happened to her character later in the story.

PLUS now i dont rememebr their names BUT the transmasc cook with the ponytail who transitioned after ranma's dad robbed her family's restaurant or whatever? plus that other trans girl who i tbh dnt remember anything about i was kind of skimming at that point but like. the incessant genderfuckery of every character in that dumbass story is profound. this is so lgbt. egg imagery in the finale. ranma's curse is not cured. DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE THING WITH HIS MOM THATS LIKE LITERALLY TRANSGENDER WITH ZERO EXAGGERATION. TERRIFIED OF OUTING HIMSELF TO HER OR SHE'LL ACTUALLY KILL HERSELF BECAUSE HIS DAD PROMISED TO RAISE A STRONG AND MASCULINE SON? SHE DOESNT RECOGNIZE HIM IN A CROWD BECAUSE SHE ASSUMES HE'LL LOOK LIKE HIS FATHER BUT HE ACTUALLY HAS SOFT FEATURES LIKE HER HE LOOKS LIKE HIS MOTHERRR BUT SHES TOO BIGOTED AND AFRAID TO EVEN CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY. "IM GETTING SICK OF PRETENDING." this needs to end.